#the boys getting pets
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What's up bestieeeee <3
I saw your call for request and ideas and I SHALL PROVIDE.
How would the TF141 react to getting a pet (feel free to choose what kind of pet, depending what pet person you think they are!)
And how would they behave as a pet parent? 👀
If you don't write for all of them, just do the ones you feel like!!
Have a lovely night 🩷
~ Fi 🐝
AHHH THANKS FOR THIS REQUEST!!! i love it very much🤭
i hope you like the kind of animals i gave them hahah (i’m sorry it’s so short)
(masterlist)
REQUESTS/ASKS OPEN!!!
simon “ghost” riley
“come on boy,” simon urged and patted the spot beside him on the couch. “c’mere.” riley raised his head and looked at his owner. he tilted his head and blinked.
“d’nt look a’me that way,” simon laughed and shook his head. “c’mere boy.” he patted the spot on the couch again and this time the shepherd dog complied and raised to his feet.
he jumped onto the couch and set his head on simon’s lap. “atta boy,” the man mumbled and started crawling him behind his ears. “you as lazy as i’m, huh?” simon smirked as he fumbled with the tv remote to put the game on.
once the tv was on and the game running simon laid his head back and sighed. this morning he woke up—petless—and now he had a furball on his couch, more precisely, half on his lap and life couldn’t be better.
he wasn’t alone anymore, he had company—one who didn’t annoy the shit outta him like johnny—and he had someone to talk to, even if riley wasn’t human. it definitely felt better to talk to a dog than to a wall.
johnny “soap” mactavish
“y’pissin’ with me ri’now johnny, aren’t ya?” simon blinked, staring at the animal in front of him.
“absolutely not, me frend,” soap grinned, proudly standing beside his parrot. “meet ghoapie. he’s me parrot.”
simon massaged his temple a took a deep breath. “a parrot? with the name ghoapie?” the brit stared at his best friend, not knowing what the hell to think right now. he knew johnny was…weird but not this weird.
“yea.” pride was clear in soap’s voice and his grin stayed on his face even tho simon looked like he wanted to jump through a window and get himself killed.
“imma kill y’johnny. i’m actually gon’ kill ya.”
soap faked a hurt look and grabbed his chest in a dramatic manner. “why’d ye do that?”
simon’s eyes widen and he pointed at the bird. “because ya got yourself a fuckin’ parrot! how d’ya think this gon’ work out?”
soap frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “ye have a dog. why can’t i have a parrot?”
simon opened his mouth to answer but then the parrot interrupted. “ye why,” he croaked, gaining an annoyed look from simon.
kyle “gaz” garrick
“oh won’t you look at yourself,” gaz cooed as he crawled the little kittens chin, keeping her close to his chest. “oh you’re just the cutest.”
gaz sat down on his couch and carefully sat the kitten down beside him. then he looked at him. “well, what am i gonna name you, huh?”
he started crawling the kitten again, smiling when it started to purr. it looked up at gaz, its eyes fixated on the dog tags around his neck.
then, with a leap it jumped upon his chest and its claws started to toy with said dog tags around gaz’s neck. he laughed and gently grabbed it to pull it away. “i know they‘re called dog tags but they‘re not real dogs, y‘know?“ he looked at the little kitten and tilted his head. “maybe that‘s what i should call ya. you wanna be called tags?“
the name sounded stupid, it really did but it also had a certain ring to it, gaz thought. but the kitten started reaching out for his dog tags again and another laugh escaped him. “that‘s a final thing then! welcome home tags!“ gaz set tags down and reached for the real dog tags around his neck.
the kitten started reaching for it again and jumped around when gaz started to play with the tags. he held them in his hand, swinging them around in the air until the little kitten was able to catch them.
captain john price
“finished,“ the captain mumbled as he took a step back. the aquarium was all set up and now only the inhabitant was missing. he turned around and grabbed the small box which stood on his desk. “time to give ya a new home little fella.“ he opened the box and carefully lowered it into the aquarium to set the fish inside free.
then suddenly his door busted open and soap stalked in. „ye know i thought ghost was pissin‘ with me when he told me ye got a goldfish—“ his eyes feel onto the aquarium. “—but i guess he was right…“
“hello to you too soap,“ price grumbled and pulled his hand back. he wiped it dry on his shirt and set the box down on his desk again. “and yes, i did get a goldfish.“
soap blinked at his captain, then at the goldfish happily swimming around in his new home. “i always thought ye was a dog person. a goldfish is…a weird choice.“
price huffed, “says the one who got a parrot.“ soap wanted to shoot something back but then simon walked in and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“i told ya i was right. y‘know my ears may not be t‘best anymore but my eyes work j‘st fine.“ there was a hint of offence in his voice as he looked at soap, raising one eyebrow.
soap rolled his eyes and mumbled, “ye were right.“
simon grinned under his mask, “thanks.“
#writing#ao3#fanfiction#archive of our own#story writing#call of duty#simon riley#cod#ghost#simon ghost riley#john mactavish#john soap mactavish#kyle garrick#gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick#john price#captain john price#soap mactavish#the boys getting pets#johnny has a parrot#and price a goldfish#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x you#ghost x you#simon riley headcanons#soap x reader#john mactavish x reader
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as far as one piece antagonists go Crocodile truly gets absolutely scooby-doo’d at unmatched levels
He immediately falls for a phone scam and from basically little garden to rainbase he doesn’t even know the strawhats are alive (and clowning towards him at incredible speed). As soon as he does, they’re in his house tearing at his walls and bringing marines into his villain lair.
He uses a literal floor trap door over a gator pit to catch them, gets phone scammed again, full scooby-doo chase scenes after Chopper through the streets while still missing him, and suddenly his prisoners have escaped his impossible cage, and his giant bananagators are dead. and Nico Robin saw it all happen.
He then spends rest of the arc complaining about those meddling kids and their dog “strawhat pirates and their weird pet” and at no point does he even know how many strawhats there are.
Like yeah he keeps having plans on top of plans to stop everything Vivi can do but also she keeps coming up with a new thing to do (Tom and Jerry ass dynamic).
Part of it is that he’s underestimating them and keeps grandstanding villain monologuing but also teens keep killing hundreds of his grand line bounty hunters and he straight up does not know what is happening.
Cause he IS trying to kill them he’s sending top assassins after them and ripping out luffy’s organs, the whole time he’s yelling HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?? DIE. as whack-a-mole Luffy keeps inventing new ways to hit him.
#who would win: an untouchable warlord w 1000 plans and a million agents or 1 bouncy boy and his 4-10 (croco has NO idea how many) companion#he literally says like go kill all 4 strawhats and their pet thing verbatim#p sure he thinks there’s like at least a dozen strawhats by the end and more then one mr prince#sanji and chopper are basically shaggy and scooby throughout rainbase like if they had stopped for snacks instead then came & freed evryone#honestly the plans on plans is the only reason he made it as far as he did cause they were knocking through them mach 10#he was in mob boss spy thiller mode and the strawhats are NOT matching his energy#he’s getting conned he’s getting clowned on his mouth is punched off mid line and now someone has called the cops (marines)#sir crocodile#monkey d luffy#nefertari vivi#tony tony chopper#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#nami#usopp#straw hat pirates#one piece#alabasta arc
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Scratch doing the rounds at the tiefling party to get all the scritches
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#scratch the dog#cal#zevlor#lakrissa#bex#rolan#alfira#my bg3 edits#leopardmuffinxo.edit#the bestest boy gets all the pets#userarklay#usermorvaris#userwolfkissed#userrivensbane#userlumad#userterendelev#userdekarios#miyku#baldurians#katsigian#useremahriel#josephseedsrosary#please let me know if you do or do not want to be tagged
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now that i've finished tgcf i can make memes about all three books! i was tempted to put binghe at the absolute center because he could easily go into any quadrant at different points in his life, and both lwj and hua cheng could swing jock, but i think the most important thing is that wei wuxian is all four at once. somehow.
#mxtx#svsss#mdzs#tgcf#sqq is about as big of a nerd as you can get#and he's definitely more prep than goth bc rich boy#lbh could really go anywhere. his white lotus vibes and post-abyss vibes are in direct opposition on this chart#like i would put white lotus binghe in the prep nerd zone bc he's a little teacher's pet#and then he comes out of the abyss as a goth jock and it scrambles sqq's brain#wwx is a huge nerd but also a huge jock. he's extremely goth but also as head disciple was definitely a prep. he can do it all#lwj is definitely a prep and i put him in the nerd zone bc of The Rules™#but being the kind of cultivator he is requires being at least a bit of a jock#xie lian is without a doubt a jock#i love that he's absolutely jacked because he's been doing physical labor for 800 years without spiritual powers#in his crown prince days he'd be a prep. he doesn't really fit into either category these days#as much as xie lian is without a doubt a jock#hua cheng is that much a goth#i put him in the nerd section bc of all his exposition and how much he knows about literally everything#but he could be a jock. drawing on his soldier roots i suppose#anyway don't take this too seriously it's for funsies
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you have to pet him like a puppy captain remy to save the world
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#tiger tiger comic#hahaha i drew that#no but seriously guys when is jam boy finally gonna get petted puppydog style#i think itd fix him#remy bonnaire
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littlest furth shop
@laikascomet
#i think i had a little too much fun with this lol#i also wanted to draw road boy and other characters but maybe when they actually get introduced#i do have a sketch of him with a lil chainsaw.. im not gonna be normal when he gets introduced man he looks so sillygoofy#if you squint laika's eye marking is a clover yue's is a crescent moon and mars' is a star ^_^#i wanted to give laika an accessory too but i couldnt think of anything.. maybe a stack of pancakes??#im curious to see the apocalypse side of the story too.. like so far we have an idea of the comet fucking everything up#and im assuming that lead to a ripple effect causing the apocalypse but exactly how bad?? i cant wait to find out#rn im kinda piecing stuff together.. larkspur delivers mail in a beat up van so that might mean all transportation is grounded#the buildings we've seen so far are intact like the observatory and turnip's house but idk if thats the same for big cities#laikas playlist only includes songs downloaded on yue's computer and there hasnt been internet in 20 years.. but radio signals might#still work.. if yue grows his own food we can assume that mass production and distribution also isnt a thing anymore#sorry im a sucker for worldbuilding.. and the furth puns are fun to me. i like to think toronto would be clawronto.. and vancouver wld#be nyancouver.. barktic circle.. mewfoundland and labrador.. canyada....#christ i have so many drawing ideas. willow if youre reading this im so sorry youre probably gonna expect to see a lot of drawings frm me#like. i wanna draw laika in the akira bike pose so sosososo bad. IT WOULD BE SO AWESOMECOOL. ill teach myself to draw bikes if i have to#i also wanted to animate laika leekspin.. man#my art#myart#fanart#laika's comet#laikas comet#laika#mars#yue#furry art#fur#littlest pet shop#lps
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anyway i want to reiterate that i hope the rat grinders are tpk'd, revived and uncorrupted solely bc i want them to have to spend senior year together. 'redeemed' doesnt necessarily mean friendly with the bad kids and honestly? its so much funnier if they continue being bitchy to each other but without the trying to end the world stuff. they've built plenty of positive relationships w/ former villains now it's time for the next stage: uneasy alliance buzzing with the tension of both sides trying to hold back the urge to clown on each other
introducing, fantasy high senior year: the group project
#look me in my eyes. see my vision#kipperlilly and riz working on a case and kipperlilly watching the unhinged construction of one of his conspiracy boards#oisin and adaine casting a spell together trading barbs ab oracles and nepo babies between stacks of books#reuban and fig. well. thank god fig's dropping out bc that dynamic is unsalvageable now. i support her in everything she did but its Over#gorgug repairing maryann's quirky pet tamagochi for her w/ his artificer skills#fabian trying to curse his bardic inspiration to ivy after she makes a snide comment about mazey#buddy and kristen finally having that heart-to-heart kristen's been itching for all season. buddy doesnt convert but they understand better#the only ppl i want on genuinely good terms are buddy and kristen bc it makes sense for them and also bc its so funny#“we hate their pussy. except buddy that's my boy”#the dynamic of liking (1) guy in a friend group you otherwise hate is so primed for comedy. buddy invites her to trgs gc and gets yelled at#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20
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Everybody look at my dog RIGHT NOW
He is THE goober ever
#The baby boy ever. The KYOOTEST boy ever#THE HANDSOMEST BOY EVER!!!#Also whited out his tag bc it has my mom’s phone number on it. Don’t want y’all calling her LMAO#Dogs#Chihuahua#Shima’s pets#Getting to see my puppies when I go home to my parents is always a treat 🤧#I miss them all the time
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My mundane super power is that I love blue heelers so much that every time I see them I ask to pet them and their owners always warn me they’re not overly friendly which I know because my boy Sly was also very aloof but every time the dog feels my infinite love and always greets me warmly.
#ramblies#it’s also my approach is always deferred eyes to the side and hand out for a polite sniff#this mornings dog was so charmed she reared up on her hind legs to sniff my face and fawned for more pets#her owner was like oh maybe it’s because you have berries#but the dog didn’t so much as tilt her head to a knowledge them she just wanted attention#another time the owner warned and the dog came up and leaned against my legs to get scritches and the owner was flabbergasted#i miss my good boy sly who was the best heeler
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Introvert adoption
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen ning#jiang cheng#(The actual name of this season 2 extra is 'First meeting with Wen Ning' but I ran out of space.)#I am obligated to try and wiggle in Wen Ning scenes whenever I can. Our baby boy needs his screentime to grow big and strong.#This whole scene is very good and does a lot to show us several important traits about wwx:#1) He has no hesitation to put his own face or life at risk to help someone (even if they have never met).#2) He does not care for what others say or think about him; he will do what he thinks is right.#And he is smart enough to think is is always right about his judgement. This will be a problem later.#I also think the silly energy in this scene is top notch.#Wen Ning is the wild chipmunk wwx managed to catch and wants to keep as a pet.#Jiang Cheng is gently easing this boy out of wwx's extrovert maw and saying 'put him back outside'.#Can you imagine being blindsided by the full force of wwx out of nowhere? Getting his support and then archery tips?#You're done. You've been caught in his snare and you aren't getting out.
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Biggest purchase at Tinley was 2,000 live superworms for $50 (GREAT deal since they're normally $40 for 1k near me), and I unpacked them this morning and scooped some into a container to give them this morning.
Please enjoy 30 seconds of delighted SCREAMING from Onyx and Opal. Onyx is hands down my loudest treat screamer, followed by her sister, Eris. They'll both scream until they're out of breath, take a breath, and launch into a renewed scream like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum except on the opposite side of the spectrum, where they're just so overcome with joy they cannot help but let it out. Onyx only beats out Eris because Eris will get over it after 10-15 seconds, whereas Onyx will scream over every treat, every time, forever.
#peafowl#peahens#my pets#i love when i can bring them a treat they get this excited over#they don't get bugs a lot#but boy when they do it's a delight#Onyx#eris#opal#Polaris#peachicks 2024
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He looks like Harry du bois
#get well soon#bunnunny#bunny#dumb bunny#vet#radiography#animals#at the vet#medical imaging#animal memes#animalsgettingmedicalimaging#under the weather#pets#disco elysium#harry du bois
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my friend dimple
#been having a lot of dimple emotions recently#he gets called a pet or errand boy but he’s so much more than that. he’s so important to mob#dimple has saved mob countless times and gets to witness some of mobs most intense and violent forms#the human and inhuman are equally close to mob. as a spirit dimple has a very unique and critical role in mobs life#mob is at once human and otherworldly#just like simple#they are friends guys is anyone listening#mob brought dimple back simply bc he missed him so much#like WHAT. that’s insane. guys they have a bond that’s quite literally unmatched it’s incomparable to all the other relationships mob has#i can’t properly describe how i feel about them just know#also don’t tag as sh//ip unless you want cinderblocks tied to your ankles and then be thrown into the mariana trench#mob psycho 100#mp100#mob psycho fanart#shigeo kageyama#ekubo#mp100 dimple#art#treeart#dimple not simple. sigh.
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i am once again doing some numbers on twitter, this time for a frankly lukewarm take on jean:
and someone responded:
y’all. all love, but when i say “jean is no more emotionally competent than diluc and kaeya” i do actually mean “jean is no more emotionally competent than diluc and kaeya”
i simply believe that jean is as emotionally stunted as the boys. in fact i think that’s very hot of her!! and i don’t understand why we’re reducing her flaws down to “worse than a normal person but better than these male characters i like a lot”
#genshin#women in male dominated fields#actually my pet theory is that she’s more emotionally stunted than they are#it hasn’t escaped my notice that she and barbara haven’t made the same strides towards reconciliation as diluc and kaeya have#also this is particularly funny to me because kaeya actually has excellent emotional intelligence#he just chooses to use it for evil#kaeya knows how to push people’s buttons! he strings others along until he gets what he wants! he scares his subordinates for funsies!#/affectionate obviously i love him#diluc is uhhh diluc#not much to say on that front#tbh a lot of this is down to interpretation so this person’s take is as valid as mine#i just thought it was funny that i was like “she’s as bad as the boys are” and they were like “yeah but the boys are worse right”#jean gunnhildr#kaeya alberich#diluc ragnvindr#leifythoughts
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OH SAY LESS 14 WITH ASTARION PLEASE
so this is my first time publicly writing and posting astarion, so please be gentle. higher word count solely because i felt the need to add lore because, ya know, first time writing him! also, i changed the line just a tiny bit to better fit the character and scene. ALSO, uh... this is a little fade to black. i'm sorry. it just got too long.
14. "Oh, you're hard to please."
warnings: foreplay, sorta fade to black smut (it's there if you squint your eyes), an ungodly amount of pet names, mentions of past sexual abuse and healing from it, technical game spoilers, not edited, 18+ so minors do not interact
pairings: astarion x afab!reader (no pronouns used)
wc: 4.4k+
join the smutty party! send me one of these smut dialogue prompts with a character
How long had it been since Astarion had actually enjoyed sex? Craved it, even?
If he recalls correctly, it had to have started to become tainted well over a century ago. Somewhere between the first and the third victim, when he’d realized how every single beautiful soul he had entrapped were simply being lured to their own death. And then, the sour taste left in his mouth only became more pungent the longer it went on, the more he came to the realization of just how used he felt. His body was no longer his own – it technically hadn’t been his from the very second he’d emerged from his own grave, and Cazador had been waiting for him – and everything about the act became an old rehearsed dance that he’d grit his teeth through. A chore, something to make his stomach churn, something to regret. A means to an end.
Plainly put, it had been a while.
But then you happened. You, who hadn’t blinked an eye when the first time you met him, he’d literally threatened you with a gods damned blade to your throat. You, who had repeatedly trusted him, even when it had been an objectively stupid thing to do. You, who had always offered him the utmost patience and genuine understanding, to the point in which if he thought about it too hard, he’d probably cry. You, who had led your group of misfits with brain worms right into victory, with plenty of personal demons defeated along the way.
Personal demons including Cazador.
Maybe that’s when things changed for Astarion. He’d already fallen for you before your group had reached Baldur’s Gate, he’d already gotten to know your body intimately before ever laying eyes on that ridiculously oversized brain you somehow made look easy to defeat. But that had been different, hadn’t it? He hadn’t really wanted to do that (not meant as an offense to you – certainly not after all was said and done), but had thought he needed to. To gain your trust, to gain your protection. And in the end, it turned out he never needed to do such a thing. You’d never said it outloud, probably at risk of making him feel even more regret after you’d learned all his secrets and darkest corners, but he knew.
And knowing that you didn’t view him as something purely sexual, as a means to an end, as an item to use – well, it had the opposite effect of his request to no longer be viewed in that light.
“What are you doing?” he says as he quickly looks up from his current book he’d been pursuing the moment you’d entered the room. He hardly cared for the words on the page – he just needed a way to pass the hours until you were available again.
It was a hard habit to kick. Being so codependent on you, even with the end of the world resolved and the gift of safety being handed over to him on a silver platter.
“We received mail,” you’re grinning wickedly as you hold up an embellished envelope, delicate fingers pinching the parchment as if it were the greatest gift to ever exist. He’d argue the real gift at hand was the last three months – time spent with you, in a place he can call home. But nothing could impede on your good mood as you throw yourself down on the mattress beside him, “From Withers, of all people!”
His brows shoot up for just a moment before his face twists up with something akin to distrust, “Withers? What in the Hells does that sack of dust and bones wan-”
“A reunion,” you cut him off, the look on your face warning enough against his attempt at an insult. “He’s reaching out to all of us to bring us together for a celebration, to check in on everyone, let us see each other again. Apparently, we were the easiest of the bunch to find.”
Astarion quickly lets out a tut as he snaps the book shut and discards it on the bedside table closest to him, “Well, we certainly need to fix that. Soon enough all of those little shits are going to end up on our doorstep, preaching about the power of friendship and how they want to check in on us.”
You snort at that, laying flat on your back with your hair wildly spread out in a makeshift halo behind you. The sight causes something to stir within him, his gut twisting as he watches the way your knees knock together before slowly falling apart, your legs settling down as flat as the rest of your body.
He hadn’t taken you since that night at his grave. Before the epic final battle, before the two of you had made the decision to settle down somewhere for some well-earned peace and quiet.
The moonlight dances past the open curtains, and his breath catches in his throat at the way the blue shadows dance across your skin. It almost reminds him of the first time he’d seen you fight. It hadn’t just been the blood splattered across your cheeks that had really gotten the better of his curiosity (even if that’s what he had told you when you asked), it had been the sunlight. Those rays of gold that had mingled with your own aura of warmth after you had helped the tieflings for the first time.
You put the sun to shame, truly. And he missed it – Gods, did he miss it – but he was content to bask in the peace of night for a few months more before he finally cut you loose from the leash to begin your next phase of adventures to find him a cure. You had promised him you would, had already dedicated plenty of free time to research, and all you really needed was his word to begin.
He’s selfish. The two of you can find a way for him to walk in the sun once more another day; all he wants right now is to bury himself in your warmth, to slot his body between your thighs, to hear every breathy gasp and the way you’d practically sing his name-
“Star?” you’re looking up at him from an awkward angle, eyes owlish and chin tilted painfully far back as you clearly await an answer to a question he’d been too lost in a daydream to overhear, “Did you hear me?”
He clears his throat and adjusts the pillows behind his back, keeping him propped up as he admires you, “Of course I did, darling.”
“Then what did I just say?”
“Something about how we’re absolutely not going to this reunion, yes?”
Your smile is nothing but patient as you flip onto your stomach. He watches the way your shorts ride up your thighs, how the top of the soft fabric bunches at your waist. His fingers practically twitch with the need to weasel their way under it, to press his cold fingertips into warm flesh and hear you preen.
Whenever you’re ready, you had whispered to him one night shortly after saving the world. Just tell me when, and I’m yours.
He was ready. Insatiably ready, really.
“Very funny. I said we should go, though. It’d be nice to see everyone again, wouldn’t it? All our friends?”
You’re still talking about this damned reunion. Astarion has half the mind to figure out a way to summon the insufferable skeleton right here, right now, and drive a dagger into his bones until he’s truly nothing but dust. Solely for the distraction.
“Your friends, my dear,” he corrects gently, “We both know they’re only overly fond of one of us in this relationship, and it certainly isn’t the one that they repeatedly threatened to stake.”
The furrow of your brows is impossibly cute – he knows that look of determination. It’s the same one you wore when he mentioned it was likely that the two of you would never find a cure to his condition.
“Our friends,” you insist, “Karlach adores you, Star. And Wyll has always been proud of you, whether he told you as much or not.”
“And what of Gale?”
Your lips twitch at that, “Gale… certainly wouldn’t stake you on sight.”
“Ah, yes,” he flourishes, trying to keep his eyes from wandering anywhere but where your hands press into your cheeks as you prop your face up to speak to him, “Not staking me. The ultimate sign of kinship.”
Focusing is a losing battle when you roll your eyes, and he finds his mind overtaken with insatiable lust again. Imaginative ways that he could have your eyes rolling for him under different circumstances.
“You’re not getting out of this. They are your friends just as well as mine – so argue all you want, but we’re going to the reunion.”
“Are you sure there’s no other way I might be able to…” he pauses with intent, finally lifting one of his docile hands to your cheek, letting his finger graze the skin with a feather light touch before it travels back into the mess of your hair, “Persuade you otherwise?”
You almost fall for it, too. Your eyes flutter shut, your head tilts into his touch as if you were starved for the connection. But even with the lack of sexual intimacy, you both know there hasn’t been a day that has gone by in the last three months where Astarion hasn’t found a way to get his hands on you.
Holding your own, resting his cheek on your shoulder, spinning you like a child in the kitchen – he had quite the sudden arsenal of romantic gestures that didn’t involve old wounds. It had been awkward here and there, some of them landing and some of them leaving you both looking like fools, but he was trying.
Almost as hard as he was currently trying to not jump your bones.
When you recognize the innuendo for what it is, however, you harden immediately. Your shoulders set, a frown settles, and your eyes open with set determination he knows he can’t falter without speaking plainly to you.
“No.”
“No?”
You’re quick to lift yourself up onto your knees, putting distance between yourself and his hands, “The days of weaponizing sex are over. I don’t even want to joke about that.”
And, oh, he’s finding himself in quite the mood tonight, because as soon as you’re retracting, he’s following. As you settle on the haunches of your calves, he’s lifting up from his reclined position, leaning forward so that his face is breaths away from yours.
“I mean it,” you warn, narrowing your eyes and holding up a finger in that small space between you two.
He tests his luck, wasting no time in snapping his fangs just millimeters from your skin. You both know he wouldn’t actually bite you, but it still humors him to see the way you whip your hand out of his reach.
“Were you not the one who insisted that we ask before we bite?” you snap, and his smile only worsens. Like a cheshire cat, like a child never scorned by the world – he’s radiant and basking in the moment.
He lets out a small hmph before saying, “You’re no fun, my dear. Come on – just play with me for a moment, won’t you?”
Your face softens at his teasing tone, and he can see the way he’s withering away your defenses one by one. There was once a time where he’d done it with malicious intent, but this time around, it’s with nothing but good intentions.
If you asked him, he’d go as far as to swear it on his own grave.
“I’m sorry,” you apologize as if you’d done something wrong, and it makes more than half of his own playfulness drain from his face in absolute displeasure. Before he can so much as open his mouth to scold you about unnecessary apologies, you’re continuing on, “I just… After everything we’ve been through, it’s not something I find particularly joyous to joke about.”
What a rare thing, to have found someone to bare your soul and all your burdens to, and watch them offer to help you shoulder the weight without second thought or regret.
He’s never met someone like you in all his years, and he might never again.
“And if I told you I wasn’t joking?” he asks slowly, carefully, trying to choose each word with the utmost care, “I’m not weaponizing – I’m offering.”
Whenever you’re ready. Just tell me when, and I’m yours.
He was ready. Very, desperately, sorely ready.
The topic of the reunion is all but forgotten as you process his words, nose twitching as you decipher all that’s he laying out before you. “I want more than an offer.”
“Excuse me?”
He can’t help the small laugh that leaves him as he sits up properly, leaning into your space fully now with one hand pressing into the mattress just beside one of your thighs. He can feel the heat radiating from you, smell your blood rushing to your head as you try to be sensible. It’s a pitiful excuse for an internal war; all he has to do is close that conveniently small distance between your lips with his own, and you’ll have lost all sense of logic.
“You’re…” you trail off, searching his eyes as if he holds the answer you’re currently looking for, “You’re sacred to me, Astarion. You must know that. And it will take much more than some joking offer to convince me to have sex with you when I know-”
“I’m not joking,” he’s nearly whining, letting his forehead fall forward to press to yours, “Gods, I am not joking about this. Cross my heart and hope to die again.”
If he has to beg, he will.
He’s spent two hundred years in an insufferable position of pure misery, pure shit, and the realization that he’s finally free has everything clicking into place. Proof of the change exists solely in the fact that he could have resorted to his tired old seduction routine from his life before to get what he wanted, but instead, he’s trying to just communicate.
It was a novel moment.
But he could appreciate it later, when the crotch of his pants wasn’t becoming increasingly uncomfortably tight and he wasn’t watching you closer than prey. When his stomach wasn’t so tight with desire and anticipation, just waiting for your word to indulge.
“Do I need to beg?” he sighs, his lips brushing against yours ever so slightly from proximity. He catches the shiver that runs up your spine. “We both know I’m not particularly fond of it, but if I have to get on my knees for you- well, actually, that’s the entire point of what I’m asking.”
You laugh at that, and his gut twists again, because it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever had the opportunity to hear. Something more breath than any vocality, something sharp and spelling out the loss of words on your tongue.
Your silence is enough for him to push it all a step further. Forehead still leaning against yours, he properly presses his lips to yours this time, slotting them between softer than a feather’s caress. Finding home as he can physically feel himself steal your breath away. His fangs just barely nip your bottom lip, unintentionally but still eliciting a delicious reaction of a gasp that makes him graze you a second time just to feel the way you’re leaning into him more, becoming absolute putty in his hands. Pliable for his taking, and Gods, he wants to take you.
Something snaps.
All hesitation has vanished as he grabs at your hips quickly, making use of the way your brain has gone blank from a simple kiss in order to lay you out below him. He moves you with ease, incredible speed in slotting himself between your legs before he’s caging your entire body in with his own. The squeak that leaves your lips from his manhandling affects him even more than your gasps had, a low growl shaking his chest as he kisses you deeper. Tasting, begging, searching – he wants this, but he needs to know that you want this just as badly.
Your hands find purchase on each of his shoulders, squeezing tightly as if needing something to tether yourself to. You pull him in closer for a second, eagerly returning the kiss, almost feverish in the way you drink him in. But the next, you’re pushing him away, a game of want and sensibility still clouding your judgment impossibly.
You always were stubborn about things like morals. And, well, it wasn’t very moral to just jump right into sex with your traumatized boyfriend who had explicitly said not to view him in terms of sex, was it?
It was Astarion’s own damn fault.
He could have just acted like a normal person, initiated a normal conversation in which he renegotiated his boundaries. But you’ve been on his mind all day, and he’s long since proven since the very day that you met him that he has little to none impulse control.
“My, my,” he murmurs, pulling back from the kiss, eyes wild, looking at you with even more hunger than he had the first night you’d given him a taste of your blood in camp, “You’re just an impossible thing to please, aren’t you? Do you want me near, do you want me far? Tell me, my love, what do you want?”
He settles all his weight onto one of his forearms as the other slowly brings his hand to your side, caressing over the soft fabric of your shirt – a shirt he’s quickly realizing is actually his own. He recognizes those flowy sleeves, that lacing across the chest, the off-white tone that had seen better days. Given all its wear and tear, he’s almost sure that it’s one of his shirts he had grown most comfortable wearing during the nights of your adventures against the Netherbrain.
It’s cute. A sort of domesticity that he can ponder over later, when your legs aren’t hanging on his hips and your breaths aren’t coming out staccato as he hovers just out of reach from you.
“I want whatever you want,” you whisper. Your eyes flutter open, looking at him with pupils so dilated they could swallow him whole.
“Let me be very clear, then,” he hums, cold fingers creeping their way to the hem of the shirt, slipping beneath with practiced ease to find the smooth skin of your hips below. They dance and skitter up, up, up until he’s brushing against your ribs, “I want you. I want that warm cunt of yours, I want to feel every gasp and breath as your walls squeeze around me. I want to fuck you until you’re unable to walk on your own two legs, until you can only remember my name. I want to watch you come undone, my dear, and for it to be my own undoing.”
Your lips quiver in anticipation, and he feels your thighs tighten their hold on him, “Such pretty words. And… and no ulterior motives? No sense of obligation?”
“None at all,” he smiles, a predator closing in on his prey, “I’m choosing this. If you want it, if you’ll have me, then I’m ready, pet.”
Pet. The nickname rolls off his tongue, and he can imagine your walls fluttering just as your eyes do.
Your hands lift from his shoulders to bury in his hair instead. One cradling the back of his head, the other resting on the nape of his neck as you toy with a snowy curl. It unfurls him further, has him humming lowly as he dips down to recapture your lips and bring you into him even closer. Closer. He needs all and any space between the two of you to become nonexistent. To feel every inch of your skin pressed to his, to allow you to physically curl up into his chest just as you had his mind all those moons ago, to make a home in a room with your name on it already somewhere between his third and fourth rib.
“Do you really have to doubt if I’ll have you, my love?” you mutter against his mouth, smile breaking the kiss momentarily before he’s back with a vengeance. You don’t care – you’re apparently in a chatty mood, dodging his kiss to get your last words in, “There’s been a space in my heart for you since the moment I first met yo-”
“Yes, yes, very romantic,” he interrupts urgently, suddenly tugging your shirt up, “But, truth be told, love? I’m hoping there’s a space between your legs for me at this moment.”
You snort, eyes pinched shut as you attempt to shake your head at the ridiculousness of the words that just left his mouth. At any other moment, you might point out how the outrageous comment is just another defense mechanism, veering him away from having to acknowledge the gentle sentiment behind your own words, but now’s not the time. When you open your mouth, probably to say something exactly along those lines, he rolls his hips down against yours, pinning your lower half deep into the mattress. You feel just how hard he is through his trousers – it’s impossible to miss, but he’s deliberating being sure that you feel it as he lets the tips of his fangs sink into your bottom lip.
The resolve of fighting against his wishes is quickly dissolved. One thing after another, and Astarion has you bare beneath him before any other distractions or annoying conversation can send the two of you further off track. Your, his, shirt is tossed to one side of the room. Your parents fly to the other side of the bed. Only once he has the entire spanse of your body nude and vulnerable to him does he take the time to pause, to look down at you with absolute adoration.
“Gods, you’re beautiful.”
He’s said those words to you a million times before. Consistently greeting you with them, muttering them in the dead of night, whispering them as he kisses you awake. But they never lose their weight. And certainly not now, as he’s looking down at you like it’s the first time he’s ever seen that freckle on your chest or the curve of your stomach barren before him.
“Please, if you’re comfortable with it…” you start, voice laced with desperation, but he shakes his head.
He’s full of interruptions tonight, “Consider me comfortable with anything unless stated otherwise for this moment, my sweet.”
“Take off your clothes, Astarion.”
His giddy smile should annoy you. That smug satisfaction in finally, finally getting his way as he undresses himself at almost twice the speed that he had stripped you. And yet he knows you’re enjoying yourself just as much as he is. You’re reveling in drinking in the bare caricatures of his body, every inch and every curve exposed to you just as you are to him. And when his cool skin meets yours again, his body sinking right into that space between your thighs that you’ve granted to him, you let out a short gasp that reminds him that you want this just as badly as he does.
You’ve waited just as long as he has.
It almost mirrors that night on his grave. The slow descent of his body against yours, the way he slides a leg up to spread your own even further for him as he crawls his way back home to your lips. Unlike that night, however, he isn’t taking quite as much care, his movements far faster and far more needy.
He’s been waiting long enough. He’s denied himself long enough.
It really doesn’t matter when the last time he had enjoyed sex had been, because all that he cares about is that here and now, in this moment with you, there’s not a trace of imperfections to taint his enjoyment.
Cazador is dead. The brain has long since been defeated. You are both safe.
As he sinks into your heat, the only thing on his mind is that contentment, overwhelmed with the feel and smell of just you.
He’ll never be a slave again. Never be viewed as something to simply be used and disregarded again, if you have any say. And one day, some day, he’ll even feel the warmth of the sun again. Thanks to you.
But until that day, the warmth of your love is enough.
When you sigh his name out so delicately, jaw all but unhinging itself in bliss as your back arches in reaction to his touches, he knows he’s made the right choice.
And he supposes he lied, in a way, earlier.
You’re not that hard to please – not when it comes to him, at least. Not when it’s his hands trailing along your skin, not when it’s his lips and fangs nipping at every opportunity. And certainly not when it’s his name that’s being chanted like a prayer from your lips in time with every thrust, every stroke, every single movement with the sole purpose of making both of you come undone.
Astarion no longer questions when the last time he enjoyed sex was in the aftermath of it all. With you, pressed into his side, sweaty forehead nuzzling his chest, the only thing he cares about is the next time he’ll be able to do so.
“We’re still going to that reunion,” you murmur, half asleep, fading away from him quickly to fall into blissful unconsciousness.
He almost doesn’t breathe in fear of disturbing you. He’ll waste the night away, laying here, still as a statue for your comfort.
It’s no surprise when he refuses to put up a fight, instead his hand simply drawing soft stars across the back of your bare shoulder blades as he sighs, “Yes, dear. We will. Now sleep.”
“I love you.”
The words tumble from your lips so carelessly, so easily and without hesitation, he nearly shakes you awake to hear them once more. Again and again, he needs to hear them, to be reassured that you feel for him as ardently as he does you.
But he has the rest of your forever to hear them. So he lets you sleep, sending you away with a simple press of his lips to your temples as your breathing evens.
“And I love you, my dearest sun.”
#ghost's stories#smutty party#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion smut#astarion x you#my writing#there's a line in here that my best friend watched me write in real time IN PERSON that we both cackled about#i went 'i really shouldn't include it' and she went 'but it's HIM'#it's giving 'i'd rather be the only dark power inside you'#idk if this is good but it is what it is ya know#if the ending feels rushed it's because i felt terrible for how long it was getting lol#i just wanna love on the boy#i just wanna love him and he love me is that too much to ask#so many pet names i considered editing but the voices won
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Really stupid doodle a did at work while talking with a coworker. In short, our logic was this "What if Homelander eyes slightly lights up when he gets really excited or similar?" and then this came out lol
We were also talking about cats and how they just stare at you sometimes and there it was also the urge to just pat pat Homelander in the head, so I just mixed everything together lol (don't ask what's the logic, we don't know either 👌🏻)
#doodle#straight up stupid and nonsensical thing#just because I can#can you image having a mini Homelander just staring at you waiting to get petted?#a dream truly#ngl I missed drawing stupid doodles during work lol#butchlander#billy butcher#homelander#the boys#mangywayway
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