#the bed thing is stuck in my brain
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watch-my-cosmic-death Ā· 7 months ago
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I just realised that Iā€™m Sheldon Cooper when I comes to my roomā€¦
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tea-cat-arts Ā· 7 months ago
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as ā€œso bland he's tempted to throw salt on himselfā€ and ā€œall he could do is lay around and wait for deathā€ (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on ā€œShen Yuan isnā€™t lazyā€ is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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uhbasicallyjustmilex Ā· 1 month ago
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
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puppyeared Ā· 1 year ago
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i canā€™t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I donā€™t want to do it Iā€™m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. Iā€™ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. Iā€™d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period canā€™t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damnā€¦.#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally wonā€™t die. itā€™ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but Iā€™m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts arenā€™t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I donā€™t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? itā€™s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just donā€™t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but itā€™s not very fun when it feels like Iā€™m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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drop--pop--candy Ā· 5 months ago
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hm. i don't want to get my hopes up. but maybe the reason i only remember good things really spottily and i can't distinguish them from dreams is because i was kind of raised to think that good things = dreams, bad things = reality. so. maybe if i can change the way i think about it i'll start remembering more
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pepprs Ā· 1 year ago
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doing really bad in ways i canā€™t talk about which is making it worse
#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO šŸ„°šŸ‘#purrs#the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn šŸ˜¹šŸ˜¹šŸ˜¹šŸ˜¹šŸ˜¹#i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and itā€™s not fair to them and idont know what to do with that.#i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. itā€™s#not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and itā€™s not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need#without hurting them. i think whatā€™s so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do#it anyway. i donā€™t know. i donā€™t want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i canā€™t be what you need. im sorry my#needs hurt you. but theyā€™re needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i donā€™t. i just need to#escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no#one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and#frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half.#delete later#like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until theyā€™re blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an#independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you donā€™t see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im#stuck and making things worse. and i canā€™t summon my strength or calm down or anything. i donā€™t know. i have to get ready for the session i#just canā€™t even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i canā€™t assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever.#if i could i would leave work early and go home but thereā€™s no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be#right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol
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milf-harrington Ā· 2 years ago
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guys i rearranged my room <3
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sucre-blue Ā· 2 years ago
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special interest fixation roulette spun me HARD i am absolutely reeling. its like falling in an love but objectively worse
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ilovedirt Ā· 2 years ago
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gosh dangit mother fuckers
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arolesbianism Ā· 19 days ago
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I've been thinking abt new game+ friend quests and it's just me going ah yes and they have all these issues and talk abt these things and oh oops this is all accidental foreshadowing
#rat rambles#stars posting#new game+#its a fun mix of stuff that will make for tasty chou breakdown material in due time#and stuff that is fun to imagine chou responding to because its smth that the sifs would respond to Very differently#but yeah I can basically hear the evolution of chou's inner dialogue overtime as I play out these scenes in my mind#the shopkeepers friendquest is mostly abt her low key freaking out abt realizing chou sees her as a friend and admitting she has a rly hard#time being honest with people about basically anything abt herself along with some extra stuff abt her having never rly had any long term#friends due to her having been constantly traveling since she was a kid#so theres like. several layers of stuff for chou's timeloop tumbled brain to chew on there lol.#the kid is mostly abt them realizing they cant remember basically anything abt their home and family at this point and freaking out#the leader is her admitting hes always been kind of jealous of chou (mostly due to chou having very loving parents)#and Im going to be honest Im still working out the tracker's friendquest#probably going to have smth to do with her mom? maybe her admitting that she's always wanted to go traveling but has been feeling trapped#under obligation to stay by her mom's side and her feeling like a bad daughter for leaving even in these circumstances#or smth like that. idk Ive had a headache all day I dont have the brainpower to make shit up good rn#I just took a shower a few minutes ago and its cleared the brain fog enough for me to type out some of my thoughts#so yeah idk beams visions at you of chou slowly forgetting more and more abt things outside the loops and freaking out over it#chou vc I think the moments the loops truly broke me was when I forgot my parents faces and names#the sifs .|#the real secret abt chou is that they are the normie of the three they just got timeloop tumbled real hard#they do still have hashtag issues ofc just different ones than the other two#but their loops definitely did a lot of the heavy lifting in fucking them up so hard#repeatedly becoming a stranger to the people you love isn't fun and neither is not having tears for easy looping#they can technically loop using the light's curse but that requires being able to see the light and even then its usually a slow burn#process to get fully cursed not smth you can just quickly do if you get stuck#anyways I need to go to bed gn gamers#hopefully loop plush will be here tomorrow if they're not I'll cry rly hard and throw up
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naeshitsherlock Ā· 6 months ago
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thebibliosphere Ā· 1 month ago
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Iā€™ve had an increase in rainbow aura with my migraines lately (I used to get them once a year, if that. Now, Iā€™ve had it twice in one month) so Iā€™ve become somewhat paranoid whenever something flashes over my vision.
Sometimes, it's just light reflecting off my phone, but it still makes me freeze up in a fear response when it happens because it usually means Iā€™ve got about 20 minutes before Iā€™m in agony.
Apparently, this new paranoia extends into my dreams now, too, because I was running down a long corridor, aware that there was something behind me that I needed to escape, but all of a sudden, in my dream, rainbow zigzags consumed my vision, and I stopped, dead and went, ā€œfuck, migraine.ā€
That's when I became aware of James Bond/Daniel Craig standing beside me, gun drawn.
ā€œOh, shit. Do you need to lie down?ā€ he asked while I stared at him.
I said, ā€œWhat about the thing chasing us?ā€
ā€œOh, donā€™t worry about that, darling. If you need to lie down you can lie down. Iā€™ll just kill them.ā€
I blinked at him for a bit, still winded from running then said, ā€œSure,ā€ starting to get to my knees, ready to lie down on the cold stone floor beneath us.
ā€œSure?ā€
ā€œYeah. Kill ā€˜em. Iā€™m just gonna...ā€ I gestured vaguely at the floor. ā€œBe right here, I guess.ā€
ā€œYou can go upstairs, you know,ā€ he said, loading a fresh clip into his gun. ā€œThis museum has a hotel on top of it.ā€
ā€œOh good,ā€ I said, starting to suspect this was a dream and not Daniel Craig about to murder the people chasing me because I had a migraine. ā€œIā€™ll do that then.ā€
So I got back up and started climbing the stairs that looked an awful lot like the stairs in the Kelvin Grove Art Gallery, only to abruptly walk into Deathstroke and Nightwing doing their best to kill each other in the corridor of what was clearly a hotel based on the room service tray Nightwing was using to deflect projectiles.
They froze. I looked at them. They looked at me. ā€œIā€™ve got a migraine,ā€ I said,
ā€œShit, sorry,ā€ Nightwing said, putting down his tray as both men stepped back to let me walk down the decimated corridor. ā€œWeā€™ll be more quiet.ā€
ā€œRoom 13 is open,ā€ Deathstroke helpfully informed me.
ā€œIs there a body in it?ā€ I asked, now leaning against the wall, less walking along, more sliding.
ā€œNot anymore.ā€
ā€œDo you need anything?ā€ Nightwing asked, ā€œpain killers? Ice pack?ā€
I waved them off and made my way into room 13 where David Jason dressed as Detective Jack Frost looked up at me from the book he was reading on the bed.
ā€œThis is a dream,ā€ he informed me.
ā€œNo it isnā€™t,ā€ I said, despite knowing it was as I hobbled over to the bed and flopped down beside him. ā€œAnd this room was supposed to be empty.ā€
ā€œOpen, not empty,ā€ corrected Jack Banon who had taken David Frostā€™s place, dressed like young Alfie from Pennyworth as he sat beside me on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. ā€œThereā€™s a very distinct difference between the two. Oh, donā€™t look at me like that. Who do you think moved the body?ā€
ā€œI need to sleep,ā€ I said, ā€œif I can fall asleep, the migraine might go away.ā€
ā€œThat's all right,ā€ he said. ā€œYou do that. Iā€™ll make sure no one else comes in. Oh, just one thing before you do.ā€
He reached into his pocket and pulled out something I couldn't quite see and held it out to me. ā€œYouā€™ll need this.ā€
ā€œWhat is it?ā€ I said, my brain doing the dream thing where it refuses to read books or interpret numbers correctly. ā€œI canā€™t see, what is it?ā€
ā€œOft, sorry. Canā€™t tell you that. More than my jobā€™s worth.ā€
ā€œYouā€™re job...ā€
ā€œYeah.ā€ and thats when he leaned over, stuck me with a needle and said, ā€œNight night.ā€
And I woke up to the sound of @mothman-etd getting into the shower and Holly Mop wiggling under thre covers with me.
First words out of my mouth were, ā€œWhat the fuck?ā€
And then I immediately pulled up Tumblr to write this down before I forget it because what the fuck.
Didn't wake up with a migraine though so... *knock on wood*
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skitskatdacat63 Ā· 1 year ago
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I like how I was without power for like less than 12 hrs and I already started having a psychological breakdown SJFKVLLV
#and just when i hit rock bottom. my led lights turned on and blinded me#idk i went to bed early cause there was nothing to do#and it was fine#and then i suddenly woke up at 4 smth and couldnt go back to bed#and it was just that thing where you cant fall asleep and you cant do anything else#so your brain just goes on an hr long rant about how horrible everything is and how useless you are#it got to the point of 'why do you even post anything you do. youre pointless'#why :( why must my brain take any chance to plunge my self worth into the guttrr#tho honestly i feel so deprived lately of talking to anyone abt my stuff :(#but it was even worse today bcs i was just resigning myself to getting stir crazy and even more deprived#bcs my friend said to me that it might take days for the power to come back šŸ˜­#and i really was not mentally prepared to be stuck with my brain for any longer#lmao tho i was like hey maybe i can work on some writing-#but then electricity decided to shine its power and light upon me#idk if i can sleep anymore which really sucks#i feel physically and mentally tired but i dont think i can go thru the self hatred rant again#ig its like i try to think of other things like fic or oc scenarios but then its like weirdly tiring and i just can't#but then somehow have the energy to just overthink every little horrible thing#and make myslef feel like a worthless undesirable person for like an hr on end#dont take this as if i cant be stuck with myself and my thoughts#but just not at this evil time of night where everything is cruel and out to get me#anyways i digress. i feel lonely :/ like an unwatered plant or smth lately. and this just pushed me further on that note#catie.rambling.txt
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starryjkoo Ā· 1 year ago
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Not to keep being exceedingly negative on this blog lately, but the way ARMYs treat Tetris vs the way they treat Brian is really funny. Tetris has been an ARMY for years and supports and hypes all the boys consistently, heā€™s just outwardly JM biased. Brian has worked with BTS in the past, but has only recently become an active ARMY because he's working with JK. The majority of his tweets are only hyping JK up and their work together specifically. Now tell me which one you think twtARMYs have a problem with? And which one they accused of being a solo? Seriously, the difference between the quotes and comments in these two tweets is so funny.
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irisinluv Ā· 4 months ago
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Isekaied as the Yandere Villain!? PT 1
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All I could do was stare at my reflection. This had to be a joke. I was going to wake up in my bed, right this instant.
ā€œFUCK!ā€
Ok, so, pinching myself hurts. Thatā€™s fine. This is like. Some sort of lucid dream. What do they say to do if youā€™re lucid dreaming? Oh, thatā€™s right, put your finger in your palm, itā€™ll phase through!
I resist the urge to scream as my finger meets solid flesh.
You see, Iā€™m not in the right body. Or the right world from what I can tell. No, Iā€™m supposed to be back home, waking up in a panic as I realize my alarm didnā€™t go off cuz my phone died after I stayed up way too late reading manga.
But of course, Iā€™m not late to work, Iā€™m in a lavish bedchamber right out of the latest webcomic Iā€™d been reading! And by the looks of itā€¦. Iā€™m the crown princes crazy fiancĆ©! As much as I love reading about the Isekai trope, I never wanted to be in one! And come on- as the Yandere Villain!? Couldnā€™t this at least be original? Thereā€™s hundred of stories just like ā€œmy next life as a villainess,ā€ why couldnā€™t I be likeā€¦ a stable hand or something? Ugh. Ok. Think!
I need to get home. Do the protagonists ever get back home in the stories I read? I pace around my room and rack my brain over every webcomic Iā€™ve ever read, every manga I waited in line for, every anime I binged, even the unfinished manhwas! I canā€™t think of a single fucking one where they get home?
Well this isnā€™t going to stop me. I have a cat whoā€™s going to absolutely flip if sheā€™s not given fresh kibble in the morning. She has enough in her bowl for another 2 days but she needs it topped off ok! Sheā€™s a princess! I canā€™t be stuck here! Whoā€™s going to throw her pompom toy for her if Iā€™m not there???
What did all these have in common? Whatā€™s the barebones trope layout? Ok letā€™s see
1) person either died or falls asleep and wakes up in a new worldā€¦. Check
2) person is the villain!ā€¦. Check
3) to avoid the characters terrible death, person tries to change the story, ends up being new protagonistā€¦
Ohhhā€¦ heyā€¦. Do these Isekai characters ever justā€¦. Play along? Even the ā€œreincarnated as a babyā€ ones, they only play along till theyā€™re old enough to try to run away or rework the political structure of the entire city. Maybe thatā€™s it. Make it to the books natural end, and youā€™ll wake up where you belong. Itā€™s like when you get part of a song stuck in your head. Play the whole song, and itā€™ll get out.
Ok, Iā€™ve trained most of my adult life for this- I can totally ace this trope! I just have to stalk the crown prince, act totally in love with him, and be a bitch to the female lead. Then my finance will leave me, Iā€™ll do some crazy dramatic act to try to kill the female lead, and then Iā€™ll be exiled or executed, and wake up to feed my cat. How hard can it be?
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Hard. Itā€™s very hard.
Where the hell did he go!? My fiancĆ©, the crown prince Eric, was JUST HERE. I swear! He turned that corner back there and then went down this hallā€¦ at least I think it was this hall? Ugh! This is impossible! For someone with such loud shoes and an armed escort, youā€™d think heā€™d be easier to follow! Now my feet just hurt. They donā€™t make these fancy shoes to run around the castle all day. Theyā€™re meant to daintily peek from beneath my many skirts as I host a tea party or some shit.
Ok. Iā€™ve got this! Iā€™ll just peek into each room until I find him, maybe I can get a better feel for the layout, or maybe find his office and see if he has a schedule or a day planner or something I can use to make this whole stalking thing easier.
I begin snooping, and itā€™s a bit of thrill to be honest! Back in my real life, Iā€™m the kind of person to hide a wrapper deep in the trash can if Iā€™m babysitting, sitting on the floor playing a game on my phone after the kid goes to bed rather than ā€œmaking myself at homeā€ the way the parents insisted as they showed me how to access Netflix. Iā€™ve never been a snooper. Nowā€¦. Well. Itā€™s totally on brand for this character! Iā€™m not me, Iā€™m a psycho lovesick fool! I giggle a bit at that as my fingers trail over a shelf of beautiful pottery in some sort of sitting room.
ā€œWhatā€™s so amusing dearest?ā€
I practically screech as my heart leaps to my throat and I whirl around, and see the very person Iā€™d been searching for has snuck up on MEā€¦. Thatā€™s so unfair!
ā€œW-what? O-oh! Nothing! I was just- uh, admiring the pottery?ā€
I stutter out as I try to recall how to act like a human being while simultaneously trying to stop feeling my own pulse in my ears. The idiot has the nerve to LAUGH! Full on snort and everything!
ā€œWhat are you doing in this wing anyways? Werenā€™t you meant to be out riding today?ā€
Shit. I was so busy trying to figure out his schedule, I didnā€™t consider maybe the body I was shoved into had a schedule of her own. Ok. Play it cool- Iā€™ve got this!
ā€œYes, well, I decided I wasnā€™t in the mood and wanted to stay in today instead.ā€
His brows furrow
ā€œOh, but you love riding? Are you feeling ill? I can fetch the royal physician for you if you-ā€œ
ā€œNo! Thatā€™s- thatā€™s quite alright! I simply wanted a change of schedule, that is all. Umā€¦ what about you? What are your plans for the day?ā€
He looked a bit surprised at that, and a small smile danced on his lips.
ā€œI was just going to the library to do some paperwork, boring stuff really, and then of course our dinner at its regular time.ā€
I nod like that means anything to me. Ok think, if I were crazy in love with this man, what would I say?
ā€œWould you like some company? Reading in the library sounds really nice, maybe we could have some tea as well?ā€
Ok. Iā€™m already fucking this up. He looks confusedā€¦. God damnit ā€¦. I knew I shouldnā€™t have skimmed over those early chapters- but the translation was shit ok!?
ā€œWellā€¦ Iā€™d actually love that. But are you sure? You havenā€™t exactly shown interest in reading, and youā€™ve never requested something like this beforeā€¦. In fact I donā€™t think I can recall the last time weā€™ve interacted outside of dinner or a scheduled social event inā€¦ well. Ever.ā€
Waitā€¦. What? Isnā€™t my character like goo-goo-ga-ga over him? Are you telling me she never asks to justā€¦ spend time with her lover? They only talk during dinner and parties or whatever?
ā€œOf course, I think itā€™ll be relaxing! Just lead the way!ā€
My brain is working overtime as I smile politely at him as we reach the library and I pretend to browse for books. Iā€™m missing something here. What is-
Oh. Shit. Thatā€™s right. Iā€™m supposed to be really insecure and awkward about him. Thatā€™s why she stalks him- she spends all her free time obsessing over this man from the shadows, threatening the competitionā€¦. Yet chokes up when it comes to how to act natural. Her inferiority complex is what drives her entire character. And then to him, theyā€™re just two nobles in an arranged marriage who speak on dull subjects like the weather and horse ridesā€¦. And who barely interact.
This must have been a real big shake up, she always stays out of sight, they never run into each other by chance. And she certainly never would ask to sit and read with himā€¦. Maybe watch him do his work from a hidden keyhole somewhere, but thatā€™s rightā€¦. She IS more of a traditional lady with her hobbies. She was raised to be the perfect noble wife, so naturally, her hobbies include things like dancing, needlepoint, and horse riding. The only studies sheā€™s interested in are etiquette and things that noble ladies are supposed to know.
Wellā€¦. Shit. Thatā€™s so like me to already have fucked this up. But thatā€™s ok. Thatā€™s ok- heā€™s going to meet the female lead and fall in love and so I just have to be the obstacle they need to overcome. Surely the details donā€™t matter too muchā€¦. Itā€™s my first day in the job ok? Not everyoneā€™s perfect!
I find a book that honestly actually sounds interesting, itā€™s historical, but itā€™s giving Hellen of Troy, the closest to a dark romance I think Iā€™ll get from an academic personal library like this. I settle into what looks like the comfiest chair in the central area, and begin reading. The prince and I exist comfortably, the only sound being the scratch of his pen, and the occasional rustle of paper as he flips a document or I finish a page. We continue like this for several hours until he puts down his pen and clears his throat, getting my attention.
ā€œI know itā€™s a long way from dinnerā€¦. But I was thinking Iā€™d grab something light for a mid day meal and then take a walk about the gardens ā€¦. Would you care to join me?ā€
Honestly, some lunch and pretty royal gardens sounds like so much fun, so I agree. As we begin walking, I ponder how I can recover from all this.
You know what.. this can totally still go to plan. This is just me being the evil villain and sinking my claws into him! The female lead will appear, and Iā€™ll reveal my true, nasty side to her! Sheā€™ll have to fight to save the prince from his marriage to me!
*insert evil laughter!*
ā€œYouā€™re smiling.ā€
ā€œW-what?ā€
ā€œA smile. It suits you. Youā€™ve been doing that a lot todayā€¦.. I like it.ā€
Ok and now Iā€™m blushing. I go to reply when I suddenly find myself weightless for a moment, and then hit the ground with a hard thump.
ā€œOw! What the-!?ā€
My eyes snap up and glare at this pretty blonde girl who just rammed into me, and sent me flying
ā€œDo you not know how to watch where youā€™re going!? Owwwā€¦. Ugh.ā€
Ok Iā€™m sorry Iā€™m usually a nice and understanding person but Iā€™ve never been literally knocked over before! Who does that to a person?
Eric helps me to my feet and sends a reproachful glare toward the girl, asking me if Iā€™m alright with most concerned lookā€¦. And the girl gasps and says,
ā€œC-crown prince Eric! I apologize! Iā€™d didnā€™t recognize you!ā€
She drops into a curtsy and lowers her eyes all demure and modest as if she hadnā€™t just bulldozed me. I send an incredulous look toward Ericā€¦. Sheā€¦ didnā€™t see HIM? Iā€™m the one she took out? He gives me an equally puzzled look and so I decide, you know what, fuck it. Iā€™m this evil person in this worldā€¦. I need to act like it!
ā€œAnd not recognizing his highness is an excuse for taking out the princess consort, soon to be crown princess? Are you blind or just daft?ā€
Oh my god I really just called someone daft! This feels like when you stay up late thinking all the witty comebacks you couldā€™ve used against your high school bullies, except actually using them in the moment!
And Eric is being a sweetie and letting me handle this, waiting expectantly for blondie to answer me, just prompting her,
ā€œWell?ā€
ā€œForgive meā€¦. Princess consortā€¦. You are right. My oversight in inexcusable. It appears neither of us were looking where we were going. I hope we can start fresh!ā€
I scoff- thatā€™s it? Who does this bitch think she is? Yes, I was looking at Eric, but I was going a walking pace, who rounds a corner with so much force that you knock someone over?
Suddenly something clicks- oh shit! This is the female lead!!!! This scene happened in the story, just without the prince here. This is good, that means this is on track. Although I gotta say- I was much more on the female main characters side when reading it. Now, I just feel like sheā€™s one of those mean girls in high school whoā€™s not *technically* doing anything mean. Anyways- what was I supposed to say? Thatā€™s right.
ā€œYesā€¦. Well. Iā€™m sure we wonā€™t be seeing much of each other anyways. If youā€™ll excuse me-ā€œ
Nailed itttttā€¦. Now her line?
ā€œWell, actuallyā€¦. My name is Lady Cressida, and Iā€™ll be staying in the place for several months as my father is a foreign ambassador overseeing trade agreements with his highness the king. So I imagine we will be seeing *plenty* of each other. That goes for you too your highness! So please- forgive me, I look forward to getting to know each of you better!ā€
Oh thatā€™s so cool, seeing her recite the lines from the story. But ok- I have a role to play as well. I scoff and grab Ericā€™s arm, pulling him behind me as I storm off, playing the part of entitled lover, stuck up and irritated at this ambassadors daughter who DARED to speak to my love.
Yea, this will work, Eric will think Cressida is a genuine sweetie, and see me as being the unreasonable bitch whoā€™s refusing to accept her apology, or apologize for not looking where I was going either. And now Iā€™m manhandling him- totally unlady like. God Iā€™m killing this arenā€™t I? Minimum wage job and demanding cat, here I come!
What I donā€™t see, as I lead Eric by the arm, is the cold glare he shoots towards Cressida, before smiling down at our connected hands, an unreadable look in his eyes.
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Part 2
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suguann Ā· 7 months ago
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Ex-husband!Gojo who doesnā€™t understand that the parents (mostly the moms who try to hide behind their giant sunglasses) at Mioā€™s soccer games talk, and he chooses today to pull you into his lap. Several sideways glances cast your way at how cozy you both must look as you watch your four-year-old daughter run in the wrong direction across the field because she got distracted by a butterfly.
He doesnā€™t hear what they talk aboutā€”arenā€™t they divorced? Iā€™ve never seen anyone divorced act like thatā€”or (worse) when they try to be subtle about their probing into Satoruā€™s dating life while you stand there with a stilted smile plastered onto your face.Ā 
(More than likely, heā€™s listened to every word and doesnā€™t give it the same amount of thought or care as you do.)
ā€œGojo,ā€ you hiss, trying to move off his lap to no avail. ā€œI have my own chair.ā€
ā€œCan you still call me that if itā€™s your name too?ā€
A huff. ā€œGo bother somebody elseā€”ā€
ā€œShh,ā€ he tells you, tugging you further against his chest. ā€œYouā€™re missing the game. Mioā€™s finally found her way back onto the field again.ā€
ā€œBut everyoneā€™s staring at us.ā€ You catch the eye of a mother tearing into a pack of fruit snacks.
ā€œSo? Let them stare.ā€
Everyone starts cheering, and you both watch Mio chase the ball down the field, her little body ducking between the taller kids.Ā 
ā€œThatā€™s my girl!ā€ Gojo shouts over the other parents.Ā Ā Ā Ā 
And then Mio kicks the ball intoā€”Ā 
The wrong goal.
ā€œMaybe we should have let her join t-ball,ā€ you whisper, though you both clap as your daughter starts doing not-quite cartwheels in the middle of the field.
Ex-husband!Gojo who still does work around the house every Friday, and to your dismay, shirtless now that the weather is warmer.
The plate in your hands has a few scuffs, half of a cartoon characterā€™s face scrubbed off to oblivion that Mio will have something to say about later. Doing everything to stop from staring out into the yard where heā€™s mowing the lawn because the window is right there, above the sink, to tempt you.
Itā€™s difficult when his chest glistens with sweat from the early-summer heat and how those stupid gray cotton shorts (that you know he picked out with the sole purpose of torturing you) sit dangerously low on his hipsā€”Ā 
He looks towards the kitchen window, a crooked smile stretching across his lips. The blood rushing to your brain, that must be what makes you give a sudsy wave and cause heat to creep into your middle.
Ex-husband!Gojo who strolls into your room while youā€™re putting away laundry one afternoon, and unsurprisingly shirtless as he crowds you against the dresser. Front to back. His mouth at your ear.
That steady resolve you pride yourself in crumbles at your feet, and you swallow the tiny, helpless sound working its way up your throat. A slippery thing that slips out. ā€œSatoruā€¦ā€
ā€œYou know, these little shorts were always my favorite,ā€ he tells you, his fingers playing with the elastic waistband.
ā€œWere they?ā€
ā€œDonā€™t you remember? Couldnā€™t get them out of the way fast enough.ā€
Your mouth is dry, something playing in a loop in the back of your brain. Early morning, breakfast cooling on the stove, crumbs stuck to your cheek, these shorts dangling off the leg propped up on the counterā€”
ā€œWhereā€™s Mio?ā€
A kiss to your nape, a knowing smile. ā€œTaking a nap.ā€
Ex-husband!Gojo who works your shorts and underwear off your legs before pulling you to the edge of the bed.Ā 
ā€œSatoru, weā€”we canā€™t keep doing thisā€”ā€
Your words trail off into a moan when he slaps your clit with the leaky tip of his cock, and wet sounds echo in the room.
ā€œYeah? Go on, baby,ā€ he tells you, slowly splitting you open, stuffing you full, two puzzle pieces slotting perfectly into place like it should be (how itā€™s always been). ā€œTell me some more why we canā€™t keep doing this.ā€Ā 
You canā€™t, not with how heā€™s filling you up in the way only he knows how. Not when he hooks two thick fingers into your mouth because youā€™re getting too loud, pinning you against the bed with your cheek buried into your pillow, every sound choking into nothing.
You wriggle underneath him, fingers clawing at the comforter and your back arching.
ā€œChrist, look at you,ā€ he growls, leaning over you, teeth bared. ā€œFucking look at you. You needed this, didnā€™t you?ā€
Ex-husband!Gojo who presses what leaks out back inside you with his thumb after he pulls out, wet and sticky circles between your legs until you fall apart again with a soft cry. His thumb is there again, at your entrance, pushing and stopping like a plug, muttering something under his breath that sounds like, ā€œCanā€™t waste it.ā€Ā 
And quieter, ā€œMaybe itā€™ll take.ā€
(Who knows?
Maybe it will. Worse things have happened.)
Ex-husband!Gojo who stays for dinner for the fourth time that week, and none of the reasons have been because Mio asked if he could. Itā€™s more about the fact that youā€™ve enjoyed how whole your family feels again, that you can pretend for a moment this is what you do every night.
(How it was probably always going to come back to this.)Ā 
That your wedding ring doesnā€™t sit in the back of your sock drawer, and his isnā€™t tucked away in his wallet. That you donā€™t feel guilty when you think about saying I love you or wishing heā€™d stay longerā€”
ā€œDaddy, you gonna lose,ā€ Mio tells Satoru as Mario Kart appears on the screen.
ā€œWeā€™ll see,ā€ he laughs, tugging on one of her pigtails until sheā€™s giggling and swatting his hand away.
You lean back against the couch, watching them with a small smile you share with Satoru over your daughterā€™s head.
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