#and i really was not mentally prepared to be stuck with my brain for any longer

[skitskatdacat63]

I like how I was without power for like less than 12 hrs and I already started having a psychological breakdown SJFKVLLV

[vivid-dreamscapes]

~♡~Caught~♡~ Bakugou X reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tw: Swearing, suggestive themes Themes: Humor mainly Summery: Getting caught in the middle of being hot and heavy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well this was embarrassing. Just two seconds ago, you had been making hella love with your boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugou, at 2:56 AM. Things were going well, you were getting your brains fucked out, he was saying some not so SFW stuff to you, all that.

Then the ever so lovely Kirishima decided to burst in for gods knows what reason, and now you were stuck here, hiding under the covers of your boyfriend’s bed, naked, bound at the wrists with the black tank top he had been wearing, and gagged with the new ball gag he had been excited to try out.

Bakugou’s whole body tensed up in shock as the sound of the door banging open suddenly jolted him out of the state he was in, his eyes snapping to the door where Kirishima was standing.

He was so taken off guard by the sudden arrival that he could barely muster up a response to Kirishima.

“WHAT THE HELL SHITTY HAIR!?!!” The blonde yelled, trying desperately to prepare himself to act like nothing was out of the usual.

The fact that the two of you’s clothes were strewn on the floor didn’t help though. Hopefully Kirishima wouldn’t see them in the dark. And assume that Bakugou just slept shirtless.

Bakugou was practically holding his breath, hoping that Kirishima wouldn’t notice any of the clothes and just think nothing was odd about the room.

Unfortunately, Kirishima was not that thick.

“Hey man, are you alone in here?”

Your boyfriend let out an internal swear inside his mind as Kirishima asked that particular question, knowing that he could not say that he was alone in here without being obviously caught in a lie.

“Y-yeah, why?” Bakugou answered and then silently cursed himself at the slight shake in his voice.

Kirishima paused before looking up at him. “Nothing, I just-“

“Heyy, we bothering kcchan?”

Both you and your boyfriend went stiff. Oh no. For fucks sake. Denki Kaminari’s voice was heard as he poked his head into the room alongside Kirishima.

The spiky blonde heard the dumber blonde’s voice too, feeling his heart almost stop as he realized that not only was Kirishima there, but now Denki was too.

He wanted to strangle both of them for being so goddamn stubborn about coming to check on him at such an ungodly hour of the night.

“Yeah, why’s it so dark in here?” Denki pondered, looking around.

“Because I was trying to sleep, dipshit!”

The little electric boy raised an eyebrow before he recognized your ‘Yeah, I rolled my eyes at you, sue me’ shirt on the floor, plus your favorite bottoms.

He glanced over at Bakugou who was mentally swearing again, but still trying to act as innocent as possible.

“Hey Bakubro…?”

“What?”

You tended up and prayed your friend wouldn’t recognize the outfit as your own. But luck really wasn’t on your side today.

Denki glanced back at the scattered outfit in the floor again, trying to find any other excuse that wasn’t the one right in front of his eyes.

“Aren’t these Y/n’s clothes?”

Bakugou froze as Denki asked that question, feeling every cell in his body just scream at him to answer properly and not make it any more obvious. It didn’t help that they knew you two were dating either.

Your boyfriend’s mind was racing with a million things to say, but none of them were working. Everything he thought about saying failed before it even came out, his brain short circuiting as he tried to come up with an answer.

“Yeah…they are…” Kirishima said, speaking up for the first time with its that minute.

Denki looked up at the shirtless hothead, covering the rest of his indecent self but keeping it under the blankets. You had a nice view of his ass under there while you hid though. “Why are they on your floor?”

“Because…” Bakugou stopped a moment and cursed again before he finally said the dumbest thing he could think of. “…they were here earlier.”

Kirishima raised both his eyebrows at that, both him and Denki now looking at him with the same look of disbelief.

“Really?” Denki asked, clearly not buying the excuse, although he was still giving him the chance to dig himself out of the hole.

“…yeah.” Bakugou said, silently cursing himself again and praying they would just take the lie.

Unfortunately, Kirishima was far from stupid.

“Then why did they take their clothes off? And just leave them?” The shark boy asked, arms crossed.

Bakugou swore under his breath for the umpteenth time at that question, knowing there was no way to answer this that wouldn’t be extremely suspicious now. “…they took a shower…”

He said, the lie sounding just as terrible out loud as it did in his head. There was a moment of silence as Kirishima raised his eyebrow again. “Why would they come over in the middle of the day to take a shower and then ditch their clothes?”

Your boyfriend tensed up as he realized more and more that there was no hope in trying to lie about this situation.

“…Because.” He ever so genius-ly said.

Denki and Kirishima raised their eyebrows again, the answer sounding even more suspicious than before. They knew he was lying at this point, but it was so entertaining to watch him flounder around trying to cover up the truth.

After a moment, Denki broke the silence. “…and why are you shirtless?”

Bakugou wanted to strangle both of those dumbasses in the doorframe, silently cursing the fact that they had to pick this particular moment to come up here to bother him. “…Because I was hot.” He lied, knowing it was possibly the worst lie given these circumstances.

“It’s 66 degrees.”

“YOU TRY HAVING A QUIRK THAT GIVES YOU UNNATURALLY HOT BODY TEMPERATURES SHITTY HAIR!!”

Bakugou shouted again when Kirishima pointed out that it was, in fact, not hot enough to be warranting him to be shirtless. He was losing hope in trying to cover this up. He just couldn’t keep up the facade much longer.

“Okay, so you’re telling us that she came over, took a shower, left her clothes, and you’re in here shirtless, even though it’s not that hot out. You’re sure that’s right?” Denki asked with a raised eyebrow.

“….Yes.”

Bakugo’s eyes darted between Denki and Kirishima, a small voice in the back of his head begging them to just believe him so this would all be over, but a bigger part of him just knew they weren’t buying it one bit. They had him caught and they knew it.

After a moment, Denki spoke up. “Okay, so…prove it.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN PROVE IT?!”

Denki shrugged and gave a sly smirk.

“I don’t know, open the covers.”

“Hell no!!”

Kirshima decided to wedge in real quick before what got intense. “If you really-“

The red head was cut off as the familiar voice of your pink best friend was heard from the door over, saving you from this situation.

“Ejirou, are you coming back yet? I just found another toy we can use! This one vibrates~”

You all froze at Mina’s voice, coming from Kirishima’s dorm.

Knowing her, she had probably known you were going to be caught naked if this continued—by eavesdropping—and was helping you slightly.

But Oh how the tables have turned.

All three boys looked at the door as they heard Mina’s voice coming from it, their eyes wide as they realized that she was also up and possibly doing some frisky stuff in Kirishima’s room.

Neither one of them had expected her to say something so sus at that moment, and all three boys froze, their minds racing to try and figure out how to respond to this new development.

It ended up coming down to Denki and Bakugo turning to look at Kirishima with raised eyebrows.

Kirishima’s face was beet red as he turned to look at them both, his voice slightly shaky as he spoke. “I-It’s not what it looks-“

“Oh shut it shitty hair, and stop acting like you weren’t just trying to catch me when your doing the same thing.”

Denki nodded, arms crossed. “Yeah…hypocrite much?”

“Wait, you admit it!” Kirishima pointed to Bakugou as you giggled through the ball gag under the sheets. Your boyfriend gave them one warning look, a few sparks, and they were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry there wasn’t much reader interaction! This one was just kinda suppose for be silly and make yall laugh. And like usual, it ain’t proofread

[sanspuppet]

✰ 𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳 : 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐝 ✰

✰ W/T: smut

✰ short description for each member: habits/kinks, what they like, fav position

✰ i dont know if what i wrote is quite banal, anyways i wanted to make a list of my feral thoughts yep-

✰ Hongjoong

he loves to be a rough sub, lets you ride him tho he enjoys a lot to take the lead beneath you because he knows it would get you extremely quick to your orgasm, smirking and chuckling at the sight of your desperate reaction

very loud when he feels to, better be alone while you have sex cuz the room would be filled with his grunts and groans

follows your thighs up and down gripping them, his favorite way to mark you are scratches (he caresses and kisses them once you finish cuz he’s kinda worried it might hurt you)

✰ Seonghwa

most of times it all starts with cuddles sessions, you’re stuck in a deep kiss while he drags his hands over your body, once he has the chance to massage your breast he can’t contain himself anymore

i feel like he’s more into missionary, so he can lay on your body, feel your warm skin, kiss you to cut your moans, whisper dirty things into your ears with his low voice

i think he’s the type who can’t last long on a single orgasm but surely can have multiples, leading you to your owns till you can’t take anymore

✰ Yunho

he’s surely the type to fingerfuck you with his long, slender fingers (which doesn’t take long for you to cum around them) to prepare your tight walls before taking his big friend

loves to praise you, despite sometimes his sentences are cut by his own groans (a mist of high and low pitched)

feels like he’s into both sub and dom, being an ass man he surely likes reverse cowgirl and doggy

✰ Yeosang

yeah most of y’all gonna argue if he’s into vanilla or rough fuck… imma say that he bases simply on your mood: whether you’re horny and crave for nothing but his dick or have a chill night because he just needs to release his load inside you while you’re almost falling asleep

he likes to have your legs wrapped around his waist while he leans down to take fully your tits in his hands, he barely knows where his eyes want to land because, oh fuck he wants to see every fucking detail

loves when you’re the needy one but he can’t also contain himself for long

✰ San

he makes you know that it’ll be a long night by teasing you all day long, sometimes you’re even the one who just begs him at some point because you can’t mentally stand teasing anymore

he’s into rough fuck, tho he likes passionate too, he just loves the arousal that gets him when he fucks your brains out. Your loud moans are just pure music to his ears so he simply goes with raw and hard

definitely the dom type (uhum any position that involves the sight of your ass), but this man also likes to be your personal fucktoy because he finds you extremely hot as a horny woman that wants only to use his sex

✰ Mingi

we all know he’s the type to love every single part of your body and every kind of stimulation you enjoy he would do it without even think of complaining or judging: what his woman craves is what his woman gets

tho he’s the type to eat you out, play with your breast, and all the shit you’d like to do, i bet his favorite way to fuck is randomly bending you over the first table he finds, no minding if there’s the chance you’d get caught, he doesn’t cares, he just wants you right there and now

of course he likes to show you his big and confident side but sometimes when he’s tired all he really wants is to become a whiny baby under your touch

✰ Wooyoung

he’d always be a whines and moans mess, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if he’s the type to cry from pleasure when you take good care of him

he likes to be both dom and sub, if you’re in for multiple rounds you’re probably gonna switch roles every orgasm

something tells me he loves thighs, every time you’d wear short dresses or outfits that expose your legs he’d go easily crazy over you, and he would never stop teasing you until he gets the chance to rip those clothes off of your body

✰ Jongho

he fucking loves when you grip at his toned biceps while you grind over his lap, he would be more than pleased by having you on top of him so you could feel just how strong his body feels beneath you

let’s be honest he’s probably the one with the highest stamina, if he’s gonna take the lead don’t even think he’d get enough with a couple orgasms

tho his moans would be so damn pretty i think he wouldn’t be louder than some needy sighs and whines, apart from when he reaches his climax he would let out the most delicious sound you’d ever hear

[thenightisland]

in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!

anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.

and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.

i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.

like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.

[xeriprincess]

Spark - Kim Hongjoong

━━✫・*。in which you run into Hongjoong before your first Ateez concert

pairing : idol!hongjoong x atiny!reader

genre : comedy, fluff, just vibes

warnings : smoking

word count: 1,3K

A/N: 100% delulu hours. we don’t talk about it. can you tell who my bias is. hj has black hair in this because its my story and i make the rules

You were queueing up for your very first Ateez concert, which you were super excited about. So excited you couldn't really process it. Only about two hours remained until the venue opened its doors, and you had decided to go for a stroll around the arena to get yourself warmed up. Cold wind and remnants of white snow made standing in line for hours feel like a test of endurance. Checking the time to make sure you were good, you informed your friends of your plans and took off.

The long queues stretching all around the arena never failed to amuse you. The way fans from all around the world showed up at ungodly hours just to stand a chance at getting close to the stage. You were no different though, so it’s not like you could judge.

The walking was starting to return feeling to your toes, which was a god-send, and you picked up your pace to warm up the rest of your body.

Sun was shining, ateez songs were playing, the vibes were great.

In honor of this beautiful day, you decided to allow yourself a celebratory cigarette. You only smoked on special occasions, and today was honestly as special as it was gonna get. You thought it wise to wait until you made it behind the arena, where no queuing was going on, so you could damage your lungs in private.

Slowly distancing yourself from the front, you noticed large trucks stacked with stage equipment parked behind the venue. Just where you were hoping to have your smoke break. You looked around for any signs of the area being off-limits, or any staff running around, and after not seeing any indication of trouble you happily strolled towards the row of trucks. You figured standing in between them would cover you nicely, and the sun was hitting the area perfectly.

Even before settling down, you whipped up your shiny pack, eagerly sticking a cigarette between your teeth. Rummaging your pockets for a lighter, you caught a glimpse of a figure out the corner of your eye. No biggie, this was a nice spot after all. You couldn’t have been the only one to clock it. Coat coming up empty, you stuck your hands down your back-pockets in search of a spark, mumbling profanities under your breath.

Without even having to look up, a sudden awkwardness weighed in the air, as you felt a pair of eyes burning themselves into your face. You mentally prepared to nonverbally tell whoever it was to fuck off, the absence of your favorite lighter having wound you up. But, when you looked up, what you found was probably the thing you expected least in the world.

The pair of eyes boring themselves into you were attached to Hongjoong, who was stood like a deer in headlights. With his back against the wall, he held a half-finished cigarette gingerly between his fingers. He seemed completely terrified to be seen by you, but the experience was so bizarre that your brain couldn’t process it at all. So you broke off the eye-contact and continued searching your pockets, determined to have that damn cigarette. Though you didn’t react outwardly, your thoughts were doing all the work.

I’m tripping so hard right now. There is just no way Hongjoong is having a cig right before his own concert.

Frustration grew as you double, triple, and quadruple checked every pocket on your person, coming up empty every time. Letting out an exasperated breath, you mentally prepared to return to the queue with no nicotine, before your head snapped towards the unexpected voice sounding from your right.

“Need a spark?”

The man beside you found your eyes once again, a sheepish smile now painting his features instead of the frightened grimace from before. His fingers were decorated with fancy rings as he held a stupidly boujee lighter up to your face, which made for quite a peculiar sight.

You didn’t trust yourself to say anything, so you silently leaned into the tiny fire with a cigarette pressed between your lips. Hastily inhaling, you savored the first drag you’d had in a very long time.

“Thanks man,” you said with an exhale, finally trusting yourself enough to break the brief silence. “Lifesaver.”

Hongjoong’s attention remained on you as he put his lighter away, eyes tinted with amusement. There was no doubt he realized you were an atiny- an ateez logo painted onto your jacket by yours truly- yet the fact seemed to freak him out a lot less than before.

“Why are you smoking all by yourself?” you ask, not wanting the conversation to die out. Your heart might be pounding it's way to freedom, but you’d be damned if you let this experience go to waste. Some stars must have aligned up there for this moment, so you were gonna put those stars to work.

“I’m not by myself,” he said, taking a drag of his dying smoke and turning to face the sunlight. “I’m with you.”

Reality finally dawned on you in that very moment, as you dared to stare at the man in front of you. From where you were standing, his side profile was on full display, afternoon sun painting his face golden. Eyes closed, lashes brushing his cheeks, lips curled slightly up at the corners, he looked like an angel sent to ruin your life.

“Damn, I see how it is,” you said, snapping Hongjoong out of his meditation and bringing his attention back to you. “What happened to ‘hello, my name is’,” you continued teasingly, hoping to at least get a tiny chuckle out of him. Hongjoong smirked, that amused sparkle never leaving his eyes.

“My deepest apologies," he said, voice tinted with sarcasm.

"Hello, my name is Hongjoong,” he went on, challenging you with his gaze. You both knew damn well that there was no need for an introduction on his part. “What’s yours?” he asked, taking one last drag of his cigarette before it burnt out.

“You come here often, Hongjoong?” you teased before adding, “I don’t think I’d miss a handsome guy like you.” Hongjoong openly laughed at your words, eyes turning up into crescents.

“It’s my first time actually,” he replied, sparkles dancing in his eyes. “Now please tell me your name.” Feeling satisfied with his reaction, you threw your cigarette bud to the ground before replying,

“It’s y/n.”

Hongjoong turned his face towards the sun again, closing his eyes, and you felt like he was doing it to taunt you.

“y/n?” he asked, leaning back against the wall.

“Yup,” you confirmed, lighting up at the sound of your name leaving his lips. “Can you say it again?” you asked, leaning back and closing your eyes for the sun just like he did.

“y/n,” he repeated, slightly confused.

“One more time.”

“Am I saying it wrong or something,” he asked, turning to face you with a puzzled expression. You cracked one eye open, taking him in. Black hair slicked back messily, a few loose strands swaying in the gentle breeze, confused face illuminated by golden sunlight. You selfishly wondered if you were the first to ever see him like this.

“Nah, just liked hearing you say it,” you chuckled, carefully looking to see his reaction. His eyes widened slightly, before he let out a defeated sigh and returned to his previous position.

“You’re good,” he replied, words tinged with a chuckle.

“I know,” you replied cheekily.

The two of you stood there, enjoying the silence for a few more moments, before you were reminded of the friends you had to get back to. They probably thought you died.

Reluctantly pushing yourself off the wall, you felt a bit dazed from your short sunbath (and the nicotine). Sensing your movement, Hongjoong opened his eyes to look at you.

“This was fun,” you started, squinting a little as you faced him, “but I have a concert to get to.”

Hongjoong’s face turned up into a smirk, eyes dropping down to the ground as he adjusted his stance.

“Come smoke again after?” he asked, looking back up at you with that damn smirk.

Even if you tried, your friends would never believe you.

[jeromeswife]

yandere namor x f!reader - one love, two mouths

Masterlist

Word count: 1.2k

Summary: A kingdom destroyed, a heart crushed, and a king full of immeasurable desire.

Warnings: descriptions of violence, kidnapping, mentions of stalking, death

Translations:

in pixamech - my angel

in amado - my beloved

I left my bedroom in the Wakanda palace. Shuri and Queen Romanda took me in after my home, the Alumid Kingdom was attacked in the middle of the night. I remember waking to the attacks and seeing a mysterious figure in the sky. It seemed that he was looking down at me, but I couldn’t see his face nor any distinguishing features in the darkness. Shuri let me know when she came that an attack came on the radar and when they came to investigate me, they found me passed out on the ground with a bracelet adorned with beautiful jewels around my wrist. I really had not many memories of that night besides the destruction of my kingdom and the deaths of my people around me. You see, I was the princess and future heir to the throne. It was something that shook me to my core, but I accepted my place and prepared daily for it, in case something were to happen to my father.

My bare feet walked along the hallways of the palace, stopping in at Shuri’s lab. She turned around and saw me, a smile painting her face, “(Y/N)! Did you sleep well?”

“Hmm.. I guess. Still not feeling great after seeing everything I loved lost to an attack.”

A sympathetic expression appeared on her face, seeing me down in the dumps mentally. The memories just couldn’t stop playing in my head. I still wondered what had occurred to make us targeted for such an attack. And I couldn’t ask my father because he died before I even could.

“I’m sorry (Y/N).. I understand that feeling of loss. The lost of my brother is something that still affects me, even after a year later. I miss him so much. I can still feel him all around me, yet I still blame myself for not being able to save him,” Shuri’s hand rubbed my back with comfort. “Don’t go down the path I did. Mourn your loss freely and build up a strong support system. You are welcome to stay here and recover till then.”

Her comforting words made me smile and I looked up at her, giving a soft smile. “Thank you for being there to rescue me.”

I inched my hand towards hers and held it. Shuri made me feel safe, like no one else could hurt me. I still can’t believe I’m still here, and alive today.

“(Y/N), if I may ask, did you see anything that night? Like who destroyed your kingdom?”

I thought back to that night. Since it was close to midnight, it was hard to tell. The only thing I could make out in the darkness was people with blue skin and a mask over their mouths. They speared my people. I couldn’t get the blood curdling screams out of my brain.

“Princess, run! Get out of here!”

The memories of their voices hurt my head. It was like a virus in my body that had no antibiotic. No way to get it out of there. It would be stuck inside there, slowly killing me.

“I only remember.. The blue people with masks over their mouths. They were speaking a language I couldn’t quite understand. And.. the figure in the sky. They looked human, but they couldn’t be. They were flying!”

I saw Shrui’s eyes widen at my words. Something she definitely knew but I had to ask. “Shuri? Do you know what I saw?”

Shuri hesitated. her words stuck in her throat. I didn’t know what was going on inside her head, but I was certain that it wasn’t anything good.

“I don’t know what you saw either..”

I knew she was lying, but I accepted her answer either way. If there was one thing I would never do, it was to force something out of someone. It would be too much..

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

It was later that night and I decided to leave my room once more, venturing down to a nearby beach on the shores of Wakanda. The only thing that could calm me down was the sound of the crashing waves and the chirps of the crickets that sang in the night.

Looking out at the sea reminded me of how free it was down there. No invasion. No destruction. Just pure peace and tranquility.

I couldn’t ignore that bracelet that adorned my wrist from the moment I awoke after the destruction. My fingers stroked over the jewels and the smooth gold. It was jewels I had never seen before from my kingdom. Rare green colors of emeralds and topaz. It amazed me that I even had it on my body in the first place.

My ears picked up some ripples from the water and I looked at it with curiosity. What emerged from the water was something I least expected. It was a man with brown skin, pointed ears, well trimmed facial hair, and angelic wings on his feet. I couldn’t tell if he was an angel or devil in my eyes.

I scooted back away from the water, my bottom brushing up against the cold sand. He had gotten close to me before placing both feet on the ground, “Up close to you finally, In pixamech “

His language didn’t translate much and my breath caught in my throat. The oxygen refused to come out because I had an odd feeling about him.

“And you are?”

My bracelet around my wrist seemed to grow much tighter as he got closer. A smirk appeared out of the corner of his mouth before he took a deep breath, “K’uk’ulkan, King of Talokan, but my enemies call me Namor. And you are Princess (Y/N) of Alumid.”

My heart sank to my stomach hearing him know who I was. That silhouette came to mind.. Everything about his physical outline matched the person who had looked down upon me as my kingdom was destroyed, left to ruins. It was him!

“..You.. Were you the one who brought destruction upon my kingdom!” The bracelet tightened around my wrist when my fury came out. The reaction came when I leapt towards him. But before I could, the sting of it stopped me.

I couldn’t help but look at Namor’s face. A dark chuckle was let out of his throat at the sight of me not being able to fight back nor take him down.

“And it was so easy to get you out of there.. If I had just came in there and taken you, my people would have been in danger, no? And it’s easier to capture you when you aren’t close to the earth elements, in amado.”

I struggled to even speak and I looked around, trying to find any way to fight him back. As much as I loved the sea, I couldn’t use its elements to defend me. I was useless the way I was now.

A few tears shed down my face as I fell onto my knees, hopeless, “Y-You’re a monster..” Before I knew it, I felt his knuckles wrap around my chin and pull my face towards his, him kneeling down as well.

“You call me a monster, but the real monsters are those you surround yourself with.”

Namor took out a mask and held it over my face while the bracelet began stinging and tightening me even more. Then it was dark.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Day 3 prompt 3 nr 4 - vongola squad and anyone else you really wanna add

Of course, my lovely! Thank you so much for sending in this request; it took me some time to really settle down on things for some characters, but it was interesting to think about such small little tidbits for these wonderful characters! I hope you’ll enjoy what my brain came up with!

Your character has to leave the house shortly and they have very little time to prepare. What’s the one thing they will choose over others – breakfast, washing their hair, painting their nails, replying to e-mails, etc.?

TSUNA

Tsuna is used to being forced to leave the house in pretty short notice, so he’s gotten really skilled at quickly getting ready. When this happens to him, it’s a case of getting dressed and making sure he’s wearing clean underwear, getting his wallet, giving his mom a heads up that he’s going out, and then shoes and any outdoor clothes he might need.

The most important thing to him though is to ensure, beyond all else, that he has his copy of the house key with him. Even if he’s heading out with someone else who would have the house key, Tsuna needs to know that he has his own house key with him, just in case the two of them get separated, get into an argument, or the other person needs him to run back to the house for something.

He has experienced being locked out of his house in his childhood and it terrified him a little. It’s not something he wants to ever repeat because it was scary but even worse, it was so humiliating.

GOKUDERA

There’s a lot of small little things that Gokudera insists on doing before he leaves the house, even if it makes him a little late. Because the weather in Japan can get chilly, and because temperatures fluctuate pretty quickly, Gokudera likes to have layers. Not only does he have to quickly figure out a base outfit but the proper layers for it.

He also makes sure he has an extra pack of cigarettes, as a ‘just in case’ moment, along with a fresh, unused lighter. He’s been stuck without cigarettes and especially without a lighter because of people punking his lighter or it accidentally slipping out of his pocket, and he knows both things suck.

He will make sure he has the other necessary things for him to leave the house with – his keys, his phone, a hair tie,  a coin purse, etc.

He also absolutely makes sure to put on anti-perspirant and a body spray for males that he likes before he leaves the house. He’s not stupid and knows that most places are scent-free environments, so he’s careful not to put too much of either thing on and keeps the scents hie wears kind refined and understated.

YAMAMOTO

Okay, hear me out here, because this is a weird one that makes a lot of sense once you know the context.

Even if the house is completely empty, even if he hasn’t lived with anyone for years and years, Yamamoto always gives a cheerful ‘be back soon’ when he leaves the house and a grinning ‘I’m home!’ every time he comes back home.

Like I said, there could be absolutely nobody there to hear it, but it’s pretty much a force of habit at this point. During Yamamoto’s youth, he remembered his dad doing this a lot, both at home and on the job. When Tsuyoshi explains to Yamamoto the importance of doing things like that, how good it can be for your mental health and letting go of the crap from the day, so you don’t poison the household by bringing in all that shit from your day, it makes a lot of sense to Takeshi. He’s been doing both of those things pretty much shortly after he is born and it won’t stop, even if his father dies, even if he’s alone.

Takeshi will pass this tradition on to his own children, if he finds himself blessed with them.

RYOHEI

Ryohei’s someone who does get up quite early. It is really surprising for him to be running short of time prior to leaving the house, so this isn’t a choice he would make often. It’s far more likely for Ryohei to run late because he’s gotten caught up in his training, got into a fight, or encountered a slight issue on a mission.

If someone surprises him by telling him they need to leave for something really quickly, Ryohei’s got a very mundane superpower. He can get ready so damn fast. It’s really a little ridiculous. Ten minutes or less and the boy is dressed, deodorant is on, hair is combed, and he has his wallet in his pocket – everything he needs before leaving the house, pretty much.

If he can only pick one thing to do before he leaves the house though, Ryohei would have to go with deodorant any time. Putting on deodorant before going out in public should be absolutely necessary, though Ryohei could just hold this opinion because of his own super-keen sense of smell that makes him really susceptible to other’s body odors. He never wants that stinky person disrupting other’s days with their stench and it’s better safe than sorry.

LAMBO

Lambo likes to think that, if he had the choice of what to do before leaving the house, he would make sure to shower and put on decent clothes every time before going out.

The truth of the matter is he panics about having to get ready so quickly. He rushes to get ready and looks a little disheveled leaving. It’s also guaranteed he forgets at least one thing at home, even though his last act before leaving the house is always to pat himself down, pretty much, at least 81000 times to double-check that he has everything he needs.

HIBARI

In all honesty, Hibari doesn’t really rush anywhere. If, for some reason, he did need to get ready and leave in less time than it would take him to get properly ready, he’s going to be really pissed, so I pity the poor person who has made him rush like that.

While Hibari tends to buck against a lot of what society says is correct and acceptable, in some ways he’s rather staunchly traditional in his views. One of those views, and the one that impacts his day-to-day life and this question, is his views around what is and is not acceptable clothes to be seen in public in.

Hibari’s not a vain man, not in his looks, but he is a man with a lot of self-respect. To him, leaving the house in anything less than clean, neat, and proper clothes is disrespectful not only to the people who are also outside but is a huge sign of self-disrespect, like you don’t deserve to look your best.

Because of this, the absolute one thing he must do before leaving the house is that Hibari must get changed into proper clothes. The only time he allows himself to be seen in things he considers ‘unproper’ is when he’s in the hospital, healing and recuperating, or when he’s become exceptionally close to someone.

MUKURO

Mukuro doesn’t let himself be rushed out of his residence. If someone tries to force plans on him last minute, without giving him enough time to prepare himself, he just doesn’t show up. He has no time for that much added stress and people are meant to bend to his whims, not the other way around.

Because he always makes sure that he has the time necessary to prepare to leave the house (except in exceptional cases such as an enemy attack), Mukuro doesn’t really have to worry about much leaving the house. He does always make sure that he has his weapons on him and that nobody did anything stupid like leaving the water running or such…it wouldn’t be the first time someone did that and he’d like to prevent any further damages to the property.

CHROME

If Chrome is living somewhere with a locking door (i.e.: anywhere other than Kokuyo Land), she does have things she absolutely must do before she leaves. She always makes sure that all of the lights are off and the stove isn’t on.

When she finally gets out the door and locks up, it’s almost a compulsion but she has to try the doorknob out at least two or three times, putting her body weight into it at least one of those tries, just to reassure her brain that the door is indeed firmly locked and that her home will be safe.

[anteroom-of-death]

Teacher's Pet part 9

Synopsis: Can lover's fights be resolved quickly? Or does it set up a new game?

A/N: I would like to thank my younger self for being infinitely cooler than I am now. Also the Kendrick Lamarr version of America has a problem. And to my readers. You fuel this beast that is my spiral into madness. Yippee!

The Doctor had to work quickly. He wasn’t about to let (y/n) slip through his fingers.

How much of a miscalculation this was! He thought this experience would further bond her to him. The swoop of glamor, the gravitas.

So many of his past companions followed a script. See the TARDIS, get a chance to save the day. Enter, become his friend and companion. Come to grips with reality and then cling to him as a life preserver.

He mentally cursed himself out. He should have just stuck to his original plan of never telling. Or just casually, maybe after her graduation, to do a meeting with Missy and explain Nardole.

It was better to keep her in the dark.

The thought of a memory wipe crossed his head. But after all that with Donna and after he got his mind wiped of Clara…the idea was less savory and could backfire.

If not for Missy and his duty to care for her, he would never had remembered Clara.

Missy was good for that. Her psychic skills and progress were always far superior, more accurate than his.

The thought of him contacting her mentally and getting her on board and then having her disentangle this day from his little fawn’s mind briefly flitted through.

Too late, as (y/n) was already climbing out of her shower. She didn’t take her time with it.

He braced himself for the next bit.

He usually wasn’t on the receiving end of this behavior.

She exited, wrapped in the towel. Her eyes were red from tears and lack of sleep. She stood in a defiant stance facing him, water still dripping off her legs.

She kept on hand braced at the top, protecting her modesty. She rose the other and pointed with her index finger. She inhaled and held her breath for a long second. He could tell that she was steeling herself. Preparing what she had to say, and wanted to say it without stopping or stuttering or anything else.

He let her have to floor.

Her next breath was long and rattled out of her like death from a corpse.

“Listen, I understand that you couldn’t have came out saying ‘Hey! I’m an alien stuck on Earth!’ without sounding totally fucking schizophrenic.” She hand went to under her armpits. More protecting of her precious modesty. A mini suit of armor, he gathered. “Am I blaming you for not wanting to sound insane? Even if it’s the truth? Sort of. But like, it’s also my fault. I was too stupid. I also made my happiness contingent on a man’s affection. If you are a man. You look pretty damn male to me. Feel pretty damn male to me. But I digress!” An exhausted, bereaved look fell over her face. “I said from the beginning I never wanted this to happen. But I did. This did.” She caught her breath and swallowed heavily. “I don’t really fucking know what to do or think here. Would it be dumber to leave, or dumber to stay? Would you just abduct me and probe me if I left? I don’t know any aliens besides you. I think. I don’t know…I don’t know what aliens do.”

“It’s too late to get anyone driving.” She finished up. “I’ll sleep on it. But, I don’t know.” Her eyes slammed shut tightly and she shook her head. He dare not probe in her brain to see if he could do anything, say anything, especially after that comment she just made…

“Find somewhere else to sleep.” She ordered. “Or sleep on the cuck chair. I don’t care. I need my sleep and to clear my mind. Don’t fucking touch me.”

It was a better outcome than he was expecting. A testament to his methods and his abilities. It was real affection too. In parts and pieces.

A shot in the arm, at least.

He could make strategies and find the most clever words at night. After all, he did need less sleep than a human. Mental seduction was now a line drawn in not sand, but concrete. And it was drying quickly.

He sat down in what she deemed the “cuck chair”. He’d have to Google that term later.

She got dressed quickly and did her little human skincare rituals quicker. After crawling into bed, she put her back to him and snapped off the lights.

The silent treatment…

He could work with that.

He heard her let out a few heaves of a half cry.

The thought of throwing her secrets into her face crossed his mind. Secret for secret. But he knew that was petty and would further alienate him from her. To shame her into submission was the opposite of what he needed to do.

Plus, with the way she operated, it’d be a blow out. Only a Time Lord with access to her brain would know.

All night his mind raked through scenarios.

And her sleep was restless, tons of thrashing and some talking. He got out of the chair a few times and it seemed she was also leaking tears.

He resisted the urge to wipe them away. And to rifle through her mind.

Thankfully the morning robbed him of overthinking any more.

She woke with such a start, her chest heaving and face crusted with dried tear salt.

The Doctor made his way to fake…something in the bathroom. Give her space.

He flushed the toilet and washed his hands.

She had already dressed up and sat on the chair. Just a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved turtleneck. She was slouched and a glum expression slacked across her face. She was chewing on her pinky nail with one hand and the other was tapping very quickly.

“I’m not going back to Bristol. Fuck it, I’m in London.” She announced very nonchalantly.

She heaved.

“You can’t help how you are. I can’t either. We’re an odd couple. An alien and a…” She caught herself. “Human.” She wasn’t ready to reveal her secrets yet. Of all the people in the universe, he understood the urge for secrecy.

“Don’t take me for a fool. No more wool over the eyes or a snow job. If I want to know, I’ll ask. Vice versa. Of course.” She conceeded.

“If you lay hands on me, it’s my right to launch you into the stratosphere.” She stood up for herself…it seemed like she was speaking from deep experience.

“I’m not going to waste whatever is between you and me. But yeah.” She cracked her knuckles and wrists. “Is that good for you? It’s good for me.” She ended getting up and grabbing at her purse.

His time to speak came.

“That’d work for me.” He decided the simplest words would make the best impact. He noted that this incarnation of himself was a sucker for women who likes to pull a bossy act, but came undone so easily under him. He’d lure his fawn back to him. Somehow…

“Okay, ummm. Fine, I’m going to go out, get some things. I’ll be fine. Message me whenever your done with whatever you needed to do today.”

She exited and he went off to help UNIT.

Distracted and raw, he did his duties.

They went off and Kate declared the operation a success.

He texted (y/n) to meet him at a café that was near the unit head quarters.

She met him and he went to kiss her hand. She smelled heavily of cigarette smoke and her sunglasses were glinting, eyes damn near unreadable. She had a few small shopping bags on her.

“You were busy.” He noted.

“Well, you did mention a play and I didn’t have anything appropriate.” She admitted. “I wanted to look nice…for you. Don’t want to embarrass you. Especially since you’re so nicely dressed this weekend.” Her head nodded to the side. “I’ve never seen you in a button down.” She mused, “They suit you.”

She gave a crooked half-grin, half-grimace.

It seemed that yesterday and this morning laid heavy on her mind.

Against his better judgment, he gently entered the surface of her mind and gently swept aside some doubt of self and this. Still there but not probing sharp and heavy. Gently safe, gently there. Letting her still have her free will, just sheltered nerves.

Maybe he still hung around Missy too much.

Even though, this wasn’t as bad as what either of them has done in the past regarding Time Lord’s skill sets in meddling in people’s minds.

This was for the better, would stop her from harming herself, he rationalized…

She relaxed and they finally entered the café. He got his usual cappuccino with enough sugar to overwhelm an entire preschool’s population, she got a simple espresso lungo.

“See!” He said as he took a sip, “Just like humans do.”

“Ah.” She said, her mouth partially hidden behind the cup.

“Sun feels nice…” She said, sitting down at a seat that got the full blast of it on her face. “Rare English sun…” She mused again. “Maybe it’s an omen.” She shrugged, fingering the one pendant around her neck like it was a talisman.

The late-spring sun shone in her hair, illuminating different shades and colors in her (insert your color of hair you have here, dear reader!). Much different than in the early days with the weak winter sun. It was radiant.

Semi-sarcastically, semi-impertinently, he asked, “Can I touch your hair?” His hand already halfway shot out. (Maybe he did have ADHD.)

She took another petite sip of her drink. She nodded, “Sure.” She placed the cup down and let the sun hit her more, shrugging out of her jacket, and extending her arms out to get the rays on then.

He leaned out and slipped his right hand through the line of her hair. Feeling it’s textures and gave a short swirl of the ends between his fingers. With his other hand he gripped her already clasped-together hands.

The cool metal of her rings was already warming in the sun.

It felt right, a small simple moment. He wished he had gotten more with more people.

“Let’s cut the mishegas.” She said after a while. “Let’s make this work.”

The Doctor nodded in assent, taking another sip of his drink. “Whatever you need.”

After a while, and minimal talking, they went back to UNIT head quarters and the Doctor took a meeting with the entire engagement crew and leads. (Y/N) decided to give a quick check in and chat with Petronella and asked her about her favorite place for a brunch on Sunday.

Sadly, Petronella didn’t know any good places, but she’d ask around and get back to her.

(Y/N) went off to prep for the night out.

The Doctor was buzzing, he was entirely intrigued by what his fawn’s idea of appropriate was for a West End play. Especially after her comment about his outfit.

He had no references, just what he’d seen a few companions wear.

He was properly doing a date in the first time since he sent River off to die on his younger self in the Library.

He hoped this one would be less chaotic. (Y/N) seemed a flight risk if any invasions or anything close to his normal dalliances he had on Earth happened.

He could respect her need for peace and quiet. It was admirable.

The meeting was just about ready to close up when she entered and sat next to him, sliding the chair over closer to his.

He gave a quick look over. Everyone did. It was a distraction. She entered in a slightly-overdid cloud of perfume.

She was…glittering. Glowing.

That was the only word to explain it. Obviously, she’d taken certain professional cues. Her legs were elongated in some ridiculous contractions masquerading as shoes. Her hair was pinned back in some areas and let loose in others. She wore a simple black dress and a tight black opened, long cardigan.

It seemed she was trying to send a message.

Her face was shining and her eyes were accented.

Definitely a big one.

He turned, interrupting the already interrupted meeting, slowly blinking.

“Don’t mind me. I’ll just wait.” She smiled, crossing over her wrists, sliding her arms onto the board room table, slightly slouched, slight pushed forward.

Whatever this little message was, he felt his cock stiffen a bit.

Is this what her clientele saw? This bejeweled wonder? All a show of confidence and heavily-scented fodder?

Was this her doing? To show him that she could invite the gaze of anyone she wanted?

His mind swirled with jealousy.

Then the rational side, who knew her for what she was when she wasn’t trying kicked in. She was just trying to look nice for the theatre! Nothing more, nothing less.

He hadn’t felt this white-hot dagger of jealousy since that PE teacher…What’s his name, Danny? Denny? Denise?

This human had him stymied again…

Too soon and yet not long enough, his duties ended for the night. She got up and went to Petronella for a moment to exchange numbers and she tossed her head, hair reacting to the little motion, shaking away. He caught a glint of her teeth backed against the lipstick, deeply pigmented.

His observation about them being friends was correct.

He felt a little unable to leave his seat. He had to will his body to do such an action. He accomplished it and went to near the door frame.

“Yeah, text me any time. I’ll see you later.” He heard her say.

She took a giant step away and joined him. She gripped his arm and shrugged on shoulder up. “How do I look for my first West End play?” There was a very new expression in her eyes. One that seemed unreachable.

He was rather uneasy in those micro-clues in this body, unless he relied on his mind to connect and check in...

“You’ll do.” The Doctor beamed.

She fixed her strap under the cardigan and they began their walk to the outside. A swirly motion, it was oddly hypnotic and drew his eyes to her chest. Her necklaces glinted in the light and clinked together gently. He let a small, sardonic grin form on his face.

On to call a cab, the Doctor noticed he had a bit of trouble counterbalancing his weight against her in the added three or four inches of (y/n). His little fawn had little trouble on her wobbly legs. He was the one in trouble, slightly stumbling like a newborn deer…

A reversal.

Before he properly could form any more thoughts she got a cab to come off the side of the streets.

Onto the play, onto a new act.

But what was she getting at showing up like that?

Or was this just nothing…?

He had to find out or give up quickly.

Not acts, no playing.

Just the night ahead.

[dk-wren]

I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet, but it's something I caught/thought about while watching ep. 11. (If someone has already pointed this out and provided a more in-depth and eloquent explanation, then my apologies).

This is one of the first times Kazuki is shown fighting with a gun in the main timeline. I might be wrong, but the only other time Kazuki is shown fighting with a gun is in ep. 7's flashback to the night Yuzuko was killed.

Kazuki has been shown handling a gun in promotional art and technically used a gun in the prologue of ep. 1. (While you might disagree, I'm not really counting that moment since, at least for me, it's still unclear as to where the prologue falls into the overall BD timeline and there wasn't much of a fight leading up to Kazuki firing it). With this in mind, ep. 11 is the first time we really see him in action with a gun.

For one thing, as Rei talks about in this episode, Kazuki is the "brains" of the duo. So, when they work together, Kazuki does most of the recon, scouting, and distracting (Exp: their assigment from ep. 2 or Rei mentioning how the scout missions Kyu gave them in ep. 5 matches more with Kazuki's typical work). Since this series has more or less revolved around Kazuki and Rei as a team, we've only really seen Kazuki on missions with Rei, who is likely the better-trained or more accurate shooter/gunsman. Therefore, Kazuki takes on the more info gatherer role. Also, as an assassin, I highly doubt Kazuki is that inept at using a gun. Instead, he's just normally not in a role that requires him to use one.

I like to think Kazuki hasn't used or fought with a gun since Yuzuko's death. This could potentially be because he links her death to the necessity of fighting with a gun or after her death, Kyu did not believe Kazuki was mentally in a space to handle a gun or a mission that might require him to use one. Or perhaps, Kazuki was always more interested in and better at his scouting assignments, so once he was paired with Rei, he no longer felt the need to have to continue fighting in this way (or refusing missions that required him to use a gun).

Regardless, I think it would be so interesting that Kazuki's concern over Miri's safety is what pulls him out of this fear or refusal to fight with a gun. Someone, or rather Ogino (again), is threatening his family, so Kazuki's gonna do whatever it takes to protect them.

Given his line of work, I think Kazuki has a deep understanding of how guns can destroy and can protect. In Yuzuko's case, Kazuki witnessed the destructive and deadly side of the gun. After spending years reflecting on this, and recently giving himself the permission to change as a person, when it comes to Miri and Misaki, Kazuki now understands how he can use this weapon of death to protect the ones he loves. Yes, it is still a bringer of death, but this time Kazuki is gonna try everything in his power to not allow it to be for his family.

While Misaki did not survive, Kazuki was able to protect Miri. I don't think "inspired" is the right word, but something about Miri being in life-threatening danger is what caused Kazuki to just rush into the Unasaka's apartment, ready to fight whoever was threatening his little Miri. Kazuki fighting in a way that is unlike his normal style on assignments and being so willing to run into battle with little preparation was just one of the many things that stuck out to me from this episode. Essentially, Miri was in danger and Kazuki was gonna stop at nothing to protect her, perhaps that's why he opted for a gun this time. Kazuki was gonna use the weapon he associates and has first hand experience with, in terms of its ability to cause death, to take out any threat that would try to harm Miri.

[theambitiouswoman]

hey there. i'm just 19 years old and been trying to find my way around things. i've been feeling really terrible lately. my situation's a bit messy.

i have a habit of comparing myself to my peers a lot. not to mention i have some addictions i must get rid of, like spending my time daydreaming a lot, which really affects my schedule. my mother would compare me to my peers when i was really little, and i think it grew on me, and now i'm starting to realize it as i grow up that it's stuck to me.

i couldn't do well with the university exam, so i'm taking a gap year to retake it next year. i feel like a failure sometimes. there were so many things i could have done as a high-schooler, but i just wasted my time. i succeeded in some stuff, yes, but i don't feel like i'm ready to be an adult yet. i feel like i should be knowledgable more, i feel like i know less than i should, and it's killing me inside.

i'm sorry if it's just ranting, but that's about my situation. your account is full of useful information and encouragement, do you have any previous posts/suggestions that you could give me? thank you in advance. i hope you have a nice day.

Hi angel,

At 19, it's normal to feel uncertain and overwhelmed. Remember, you're still figuring things out, and it's okay to take your time. 19 was one of my favorite ages, for no particular reason other than it was fun and I felt like an adult. I certainly had nothing together. My parents would have loved a lot of things for me at that age. Married to the boyfriend I had at the time because it was a huge sin to them based on their religious views, which in retrospect would have been a huge mistake.

Comparing yourself to others is common, but try to focus on your own journey. We normally compare ourselves because we don't have a set plan for our lives with clear goals and intentions. I am sure your mom means well, and its normal for parents to have the same expectations for all of their kids, even though they are literally different people. But everyone has their own path, and what matters most is your progress, not how you measure up to others. You cant let yourself feel bad for meeting anyone else's expectations.

I always tell people to not compare someone else's highlights to your life because life has its ups and downs, and you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. We all have different lives, different qualities. Maybe what took someone else x amount of time and effort to accomplish, is something that is a strength to you and you can accomplish it in half the time, when you are ready.

All you can do for yourself is really focus on you, learn, prepare. Train your brain into processing things faster so you can evolve faster as a person in your brain.

If you know you have some negative habits you want to work on, like daydreaming, you can start taking action and maybe setting small goals to manage your time better. Focus on the things you want to improve about yourself instead of feeling bad about yourself for it. You already know the problem. Maybe working on these issues opens your mind and your live to different opportunities. We have to learn to overcome obstacles, not just physical but mental. This creates a ripple effect not only with our thought process, but our physical actions and in turn attract different realities and opportunities.

You are an individual. You are unique and special. Comparing yourself or living up to someone else's standards for YOUR LIFE when they don't have your strengths or brain, or potential is doing a huge disservice to you. We cant abandon our strengths, we need to discover them. When we abandon them, we are basically abandoning ourself and who we could be for the sake of someone else.

Taking a gap year to retake the university exam is a smart choice. It doesn't mean you're a failure; it's a chance to improve. It is actually great that you recognize that you want to be better. Most people take a gap year anyway. Who says you can't? Why would it make a negative impact on your future? That is simply NOT TRUE <3

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #270

A whole lot of stuff happened today, and I wanna write about it, but my brain is feeling kinda stuck. I'm very tired and it's kinda hard to formulate words. But I'm gonna do my best. I'll start at the beginning...

I took the celecoxib, both last night and this morning. And I'm not dead! Yay (maybe)! Actually, truth be told, I've not felt this functional in a long time. I'm in very little pain today. It's not wholly gone or anything, but... I went through my shift at work today, and I came home not feeling all exhausted and fucked up. That part is definitely yay!

As promised, I got a couple yummy pictures for you. In addition to bagging up breads and rolls, I also arranged some cookies on cookie sheets, and they baked really nicely:

...Oh!! I almost forgot to mention that J's garlic pudding turned out beautifully:

...It smells and tastes amazing. I gotta put it on some toast!!!

...In any case, I did some grocery shopping after work. I decided that since I'm relatively pain-free (at least for now), I should celebrate the small victory! So I got a tiny pie pumpkin and some steak. I already have potatoes.

I didn't wanna push myself too much, though, so for today, I simply put the groceries away. I will prepare them tomorrow. It'll be good! Roasted and mashed pumpkin is some beautiful stuff, especially if you add some cinnamon, some honey, some maple syrup, some butter... a pinch of salt...!!! 🤤🤤🤤

...I wish I could give you some. You, as a boy, wanted that pumpkin soup so badly. I can only assume, then, that you enjoy pumpkin. Tell you what, though - tell you what! Tomorrow, when I make the things, I'll tell you everything I did so that when you get free and can enjoy a normal life, you'll know how to make it, okay?

...Or, y'know, if you wanna pop by my neighborhood and have some, as impossible as that is... that's always cool, too.

A few unexpected things happened today after I got home. First, an old acquaintance (given his behavior and how he views the world and the people in it, I'm not sure I can call him a "friend", unfortunately...) decided to get back in touch with me.

A long time ago, due to his behavior and outlook, I had to distance myself from him, in part because the level of stress and toxicity that he brought to the table at that time was impacting my relationship with M and J. Being viewed as subhuman on an ongoing basis was impacting my mental health (given that it was, in a lot of ways, reminiscent of how I was treated as a youngling) to the point that I was having trouble tending to M and J in the ways I felt they deserved.

...And in part, I had to distance myself from him because something about his words and behavior indicated to me that he was not interacting with me in good faith. Rather, it started to become clear, from my perspective, anyway, that he was only trying to follow my suggestions and trying to make pretend like I was getting through to him because he thought that if he pushed all my buttons correctly, sex and subservience would fall out of me like I'm some kind of overcomplicated vending machine instead of a person with an actual heart and mind and existence that deserves to be loved, cherished, and respected for who and what I am - as my own sentient and separate entity, with my own will.

...As it is, and last I knew, he vehemently believes that any object or living thing that he is not directly looking at ceases to exist until the next time he perceives it, and that's... kinda hard to deal with. I'm aware that this points to him having *significant* problems with the parts of his brain that are responsible for empathy, object permanence, and the ability to distinguish self from other. These are disabilities, not moral failings. But the way these disabilities manifest in his behavior... sometimes it bumps into my own triggers in ways that are excruciatingly painful.

So I asked him to not return to me until he is healed enough to treat me with the basic respect that is owed to all humans. Apparently, according to what he tells me, he has been taking concrete steps towards such an end, and building better habits in service to that goal. I suppose soon, we'll see if there's any truth to his words.

Today he asked for my help with some basic life things. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, at least for the purpose of teaching him how to do things like deep cleaning and finding a doctor and finding a therapist and such. These are important things. No one can succeed without basic skills. I will step up as needed.

...I'm glad he reached out, but... still... given his behavior from before, I plan on moving forward with a hefty dose of caution. It's still possible that this is all just a long-winded plot to try to get me in a spot where he thinks he can manipulate me into bending to his will (spoiler alert: if that's the end game, it's not gonna work). I can't discount the possibility of violence, either - simply because the world I grew up in has left me with a habit of anticipating and preparing for it.

...Rest assured that while I do think that this person is generally good and worthwhile even with his limitations, and that while I will do what I can to try to assist him in what limited ways I am able (based on how open-minded he's willing to be, and how willing he is to learn, grow, and change), simply because assisting others where I can is how I roll, I will still do whatever I have to do in order to protect myself; the life I've led has taught me that I can't afford to be a pushover.

...I can't call for second chances for you without being willing to put my words into practice in real life. This love I carry, like I said before, doesn't stop at you, and it's not just lip service. It doesn't disappear when shit gets real and hits the fan.

I want to exist in defiance of "conventional wisdom", because "conventional wisdom" likes to say that people like me and people like my acquaintance aren't worth the time and effort. And I know, at least in this case, that "conventional wisdom" is wrong.

Sometimes you just gotta be brave and do the scary thing, albeit with ample preparations. But I've worked my whole life to become someone who can do just that. I've got this. Don't worry.

...Still, I'm sorry in advance if something weird happens and I unexpectedly don't get to write letters to you anymore. But even in such a worst-case scenario, I'll still try to make my way to where you are, somehow - even if it's impossible. After all, that's how Team Gurren rolls, right...?

Oh. Ah... maybe you've never seen Gurren Lagann. The catchphrase is to "Reject common sense to make the impossible possible", and... those are words I like to live by. "Common sense" says that I'm impossible. So... ya know... Anyway, I think you should give that one a look. It's got some problems with fanservicey (that's a word now) characters, but overall, the message is inspiring and wholesome. Please do give it a try, okay?

After all that, my friend P, who is old, wise, and extremely well-cultured, texted me to see if I was available to go to a Ukrainian Festival near my house. I wasn't expecting it, but... I've not spent time with him in quite some time, and thanks to the celecoxib, I wasn't feeling too terribly drained from work. So I decided to give it a go.

Does Midgar have cultural festivals? Like... is there a Kalm Festival? A Gongaga Festival? a Wutai Festival? In my country, sometimes people from different countries, or even from different regions of my country, like to put on festivals to celebrate their unique culture. We have all sorts of 'em where I live - Greek ones, Armenian ones, Polish ones, Ukrainian ones... you name it, and it exists somewhere!

...I wish you could come here and see what it's like. But I know that you can't. So... instead I took some pictures. I'll start with the food; I think one of these things is gonna be something you'd really like...

This is pork cooked on a kebab and put into a flatbread; there's a sort of mildly spicy tomato sauce to go with it. This is called shashlik:

This is usually referred to as pierogis in my region of the world, but the people of Ukraine call them varenyky. They're dumplings made of soft dough, filled with potatoes. So uh... basically starch-filled starch; they're fucking delicious!! Given your love of noodles, this might be right up your alley:

And there was a whole dessert menu, too...

...And, Sephiroth, before you even ask, yes, of course I got some of those rose petal jam desserts! I know you like roses; how could I possibly not get them and take a picture of them for you??? What do you take me for??? Hahahaha...

Here was the outside:

...And here was the inside...

...And yes, Sephiroth, the filling tasted like sugared roses. I am 1000000% certain that you would have absolutely loved these, and... it hurts that I can't give you anything more than a picture and a description...

...Did that vanilla-rose tea ever get to you...?

...Would you even be able to tell me if it did...?

...

...I hope the very important people I gave it to liked it, too...

...

Anyhoot. I got a bunch of pictures of the various Ukrainian crafts for sale; I wonder if anything you see here resembles things you've seen on your own travels... would you tell me about them sometime...?

...If you can believe it, I actually know how to make beaded stuff like in the above picture...

...Kerchiefs!!!

...And music boxes!!! These are not paper ones like mine, but still!

...And a bunch of owl things, too!

...And along the way, I got pictures of the scenery and sky, too:

...I even got more than a few pictures of birds-of-prey while I was here; I'll send along the best ones:

...Today was filled with a lot of things. Some of the things leave me feeling a little uneasy, but cautiously optimistic. I'll hope for good things. And I'll hope for additional fun stuff like the Ukrainian festival and the cookies I baked and the various scenery around me to show to you.

...I maybe can't take photos as nice as the ones in the Brother Sun book, but... maybe these will do. Maybe these will be enough to remind you that you're still loved, and that there are still beautiful things in this world that are worth fighting for.

...You're worth fighting for. It's why I write these letters. I'll fight my whole world in whatever ways I can, just to show them that you're still human.

I guess I'm gonna take today's second celecoxib and get ready for bed now.

I love you so much. So please stay safe out there, okay? Please come back home to us.

I'll write again tomorrow...

Your friend, Lumine

[flukeoffate]

Just some random thoughts about my own height and childhood.

I was 5’11” (roughly 181cm according to google) by the time I was 11 years old. Full grown woman at eleven.

I kinda want to know what it’s like to NOT feel like you are literally Robin Williams in the movie “Jack”, but you are a woman and somehow it feels even more unforgivable?

I looked like a grown adult in a children’s classroom. I wonder if other people have a better idea of what it feels like to grow up—I look at my sister’s kid, who is almost 13 and is still obviously a child, but a growth spurt very quickly on the way, and I’m like, wow. How are kids this short? He’s not short really, I’m just tall.

I didn’t feel like an ‘adult’ when I graduated high school. I grew up before I realized it was happening. I’d been taller than most of my teachers and my mother for years. I thought most or my peers saw me as an ogre with an anxiety problem and was into anime before it was cool, thus I was dubbed insane and childish by many people in high school. Maybe I was childish, but hey I was expected to take on adult responsibilities by the time I was 12—after all if you are adult sized, you are ready to help around the house, babysit grandma after school every day because she is senile and can’t even take herself to the bathroom anymore, and have all your homework done, before swim practice and dance class! Right? Well, what tween would NOT resort to anime or other visual media? I couldn’t handle more work. You crave distraction and fun stories are great for that kind of relief.

The point is, age wise, I was a child, and I was beholden to the rules and laws associated with childhood. Socially, people were prepared to treat me as an adult, one who often did not seem to belong. And so…after high school, I think I just turned into a person who felt like I needed permission from a higher power at all times to do things. I wasn’t rebellious. I felt like nothing had changed from school and so I followed any path that an ‘adult’ put before me. I always feel like I’m looking for approval from someone in charge. I’m still stuck in that mindset a bit and I’m nearly 40. I’m trying to break free of that mentallity…cuz I’m a fucking adult and I can’t keep looking at my peers and thinking: I must impress them with my poise, I must make myself smaller, I must use every masking technique I’ve ever learned to do with m blatant adhd just to make people like me. I keep thinking “I’m too irresponsible”, “I’m too loud”, “Now, I’m too antisocial.”

I think the Barbie Movie has me thinking about this a lot, given the plot and the characters. Like, I’m here wishing I could see myself in my teens. I have few photos. I wish I realized that I was actually really good looking…and frankly if I got past the fact that some of the peers i compared myself to weren’t ‘skinny’. They were still kids. I had regular thighs for my size. Other kids had thighs the width of my forearm. I developed a mild Barbie dislike, but not a hatred. I don’t hate dolls or Barbie at all. It was just weird. No one seemed my height till college and even then it was only a small portion of my friends.

Anyway, I’m trying to break free of all this nonsense. I’m an adult and I have a brain and ability to take my own life in my hands. I have recently replaced my ancient iMac with a top of the line model and and have reorganized my workspaces. I’m gonna work hard to get myself into some more art related pursuits, which might mean I’ll be going through an internet identity change. It’s time for a change. I want to make a little money from my art for once. I need to feel like…if my safety nets fell apart, I can climb back up.

[emperornero]

combining the two ask games ive been tagged in recently so everything is in one place 👍👍 anyone who sees this can do it and tag me as the one who made you do it idk thank you for tagging me ^_^

1 - tagged by @evecc

are you named after anyone? - i assume this question is more of a ‘are you named after your grandparent or some famous person’ but im in this weird place where YES all of my names come from other “people” but its not in the traditional way lol . ive been using axel as a first name for about 5 years now and it comes from my old original character. yes im named after an oc. nero is obvious. theo is more of a joke than something i would consider going by irl but its from a video game character

what was the last time you cried? - today yayy

do you have kids? - no and i never want to be a parent if i have the choice

do you use sarcasm a lot? - no and i dont understand it and i often struggle with obvious jokes both through text and irl. my brain is fucked and even if something has been stated before to be a joke i usually dont remember it

what sports do you play/have played? - i used to swim before hitting puberty. now im not comfortable with anything and once again my mental issues dont make it as fun as it could be

whats the first thing you notice about people? - if its a physical trait its probably clothing. i will look at the colors and try to remember what someone is wearing to remember them better

eye color? - dark brown

scary ending or happy ending? - depends on the media but happy is nice :]

any special talents? - i dont think i have any .

where were you born? - small random city in poland

what are your hobbies? - digital art and ancient rome are my main . i also like learning about pokemon [the competitive scene and its changes more specifically]. other than that i always enjoyed studying biology

do you have pets? - a kitty named kefir and a dog named toro. the latter is unfortunately very old and is having health issues caused by that. ive been preparing for his death for the last weeks but i think im more calm about it now. hes doing ok but i know it will happen soon..

how tall are you? - 6 feet / 180+ cm. i slouch a lot due to my chest so its not always visible.

favourite subject in school? - biology and latin

dream job? - i used to really want to be a dentist but honestly i dont know. mental problems impact my view of the future a lot and im not sure what im even capable of doing anymore

2 - @theromaboo

relationship status - taken :]

favourite color - all shades of purple and tyrian purple

song stuck in head - pizza tower ost unexpectancy part 3

last song ive listened to - scatterbrain by radiohead

three favourite foods - mcdonalds nuggets . salmon. garlic bread

last thing i googled - its literally all just polish to english translations for words i dont remember lol

dream trip - ancient roman sites in italy again but this time i actually have some time to see stuff instead of being in a group aaghfg

anything i want right now - freedom ?

[fruiteggsaladit]

Who she is to ME SPECIFICALLY.

Or,

Botan gets 10x times funnier if interpreted as being a 30-something-year-old

Link to tiktok user@johannes2o's "POV: our friend is an airport dad" video on tumblr: https://only-tiktoks.tumblr.com/post/713049563491155968 ; with screenshots of various comments: https://redead-red.tumblr.com/post/716343198278123521

Further thoughts:

.... Okay so I know three out of 4 of these circles are parental figures (technically only two of them are parental figures, the third one is a figure of speech) but I resent when a female character is assigned as the "mum" of the group when she's clearly, at most, if I have to use a failial term, an uncle.

The fact that in the manga she's told by Koenma not to tell Yusuke abt the egg potentially devouring him if he does or thinks something bad wasn't NEARLY utilised for its comical and dramatic worth that it had and this has scrambled my brains ever since. Yusuke thinks he just has to hang onto the egg, Botan however is fully aware of the truth of the test and is probably sweating bullets for him!

She's used to sending clients to their death not to help them improve as a person whose character growth will be acknowledged by the heavens - usually it's enough for the client to feel ready to move on but that isn't the case here! HE'S GONNA DIE FOR REALSIES AND HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW-- leading to Botan being Weirdly Invested and Pushy about Yusuke doing good deeds, which Yusuke finds weird at first bc she wasn't like this at the beginning? But he's also not smart or observant enough to assume that she knows something he doesn't. Misogyny win! (Headcanon: Yusuke thinks its feminist of him to know a woman can hit him just as badly as a man can. .... Yusuke oh my god.)

Which when I rewatched A Goofy Movie and we get to the principal yelling at Goofy about how Max is destined for the electric chair for staging a performance for the student body and ask Roxanne out, gave me perfect panicked Botan vibes.

"The electric chair...." (an extremely haunted expression on Goofy's face. He then picks up something that reminds him of the Goof family roadtrip and decides this is what will save Maxie from future legally sanctioned execution.)

There's also this one part in the Yukina arc where she, Kuwa, and Yusuke are trekking through a forest and she looks like she's the only one prepared for a trek, and she's the one pointing which way is the right one, gave me the headcanon that she camps and is wildlife-savvy and I got very attached to that.

Next, Mrs Bennet. Oh Mrs Bennet. Poor woman is stuck in a society that values men and realised a little too late that she and her husband should have made sure their girls could have an education and thus secure some work, sadly her husband is useless and she's the only one panicking about it; worse, her panic makes any potential suitors turn away from her daughters. Arguably even worse, it alienates her from her daughters, who also realise how dire things are, but don't appreciate her stress.

Have I mentioned my "Botan gets 10x times funnier if interpreted as a 30-something"?

Its canonically stated in the manga that her birthday and age are unknown, so really she could be billions of years old (Edltrich botan... YES) or she could be a baby ferrygirl/shinigami. She's never heard of Sensui until he shows up in the Chapter Black saga, who disappeared 10 years prior to reappearing. Which implies she entered this service 10 or less years ago.

I personally think it's the funniest if she's in her thirties and she'll still get swept up by the youthful energy of the kids and then repeatedly get mentally hit by the truck of "You're the adult here."

The miscommunication would be great! Yusuke has no idea why Botan is so invested in his good deeds first and now in him being the spirit detective - little does he know, she got invested bc she was literally told "if he doesn't do a good job, he'll get eaten by the monster he's made (that we gave him)", and she's having complicated feelings she doesn't want to address ever abt him being a 14-year-old with a life-debt to the afterlife bc they offered him the chance and never told him there were strings attached.

Meanwhile Botan doesn't know WHY he just can't listen to her or Koenma when that's the easy part!! Obedience is DEFINITELY the easy part!!! She's going above and beyond what was originally in her job description, he can too!! (Hello soul-crushing guilt she's locking away never to look at again. Hello shame that she was a part of this. Hello cowardice at the inability to own up to this!) Hence the yoda.

[swampgallows]

the usual

im mad because im trying to read books again, specifically trying to pick up toxic parents and body keeps the score again so i can try and Help Myself basically now that im back in the limbo of having no therapist. but trying to concentrate on shit and hunker down and learn things when i know it’s good for me i swear it’s like a flashbang goes off in my brain and everything just whites out. ‘concentrate’ isnt even the right word for it because it’s like i cant even begin to get started. it’s like staring into the sun to even begin to think about stuff i guess, it’s all so overwhelming. i want so much about my life to change, so much, so badly, so drastically, but so much of it just doesnt feel feasible that it’s like ive implanted this mental block in my brain to even dream of change because it’s too caustic. 

that ‘autistic masking’ article about the boy who would build and paint his models at night then clean everything up so he left no trace of himself... i think about how much ive whittled myself down and have tried to take up very little space. how i dont play my music on speakers, dont draw anymore, basically only took up writing more because it was something that was between me and a notepad document and didnt take time the same way as drawing, and wasnt possible to immediately consume like a drawing (people grabbing my sketchbook and just flippantly turning the pages, skimming past drawings that took me hours in favor of minute long sketches, glancing at drawings that were supposed to express my deep feelings and having immediate reactions of disgust or ridicule)

i make kandi put it on a chain then put it away. it cant really go anywhere anyway, not like i’ll be attending raves again any time soon. i have no reason or place to wear my ‘fun clothes’ anymore. i wore what i thought was a cute outfit at christmas and even my immediate family had some shit to say about it. i wore a pair of stockings that ive had (and worn) since i was 14  years old. i wore them to my very first raver day at disneyland. and theyre surprised when i wear them now? like they havent seen them before????

even here i was about to say “i tire of myself” and close this window or hit post and stop here, but literally my blog is one of the only places i can actually express myself somewhere and send it out to a place where it’s seen. yeah i can write things down in my journal and ‘express myself’ there so that “personal stuff” isnt online but... i already do that. set up my models and paint them late at night, then put them away before anyone sees in the morning. djing only in my headphones at 4am, pulling them off periodically to make sure they arent too loud even through the headphones. lighting candles but opening the window so there isn’t “too much” scent. 

if im autistic or have adhd or some combination of the two, then my whole family is too and all undiagnosed (save for maybe my dad. i think he’s the closest one of us to being ‘normal’). i took that blorbo quiz and it asked “How would they describe themselves?” 

how would -i- describe myself? i dont know. people tell me im smart and funny. i think it’s because they cant think of anything nicer to say.

Part of me is still chasing the approval of all the world’s English teachers. Getting compliments on my writing makes me feel like my life matters. And I still struggle to ask for love and affection when a real, flesh and blood human is looking me in the face. It’s difficult for me to believe someone might care for me as an equal, and like things about me other than my intellect. I frequently have to remind myself I’m no longer a child, and don’t need approval of the “adults” anymore.

as long as im stuck living with my parents im going to perpetually be the child. it’s also really fucking frustrating knowing how ill prepared i am to live as an adult. even when i had a job i had to quit it so i didnt kill myself. i dont think just getting a job is the answer, though i know it’s a mandatory piece of the puzzle. ugh god

[originalnovelist]

Go

INVOLVED: Samuel Evans and Maryanne Evans. LOCATION: Cleveland Clinic; Cleveland, Ohio. TIME FRAME: - NOTES: Maryanne speaks to Samuel alone. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were punishing me” Maryanne said to an unmoving Samuel. Her eyes were fixed on the plastic tubing that happened to be the only sign of life around him. The older woman sent away the bodies that had refused to leave his side. Rebecca needed rest and a moment of peace. Mercedes was a wreck, getting her to step away for only a moment was a battle within itself. But the kids needed her more than she probably had the ability to comprehend right now. She was no use to them in her deplorable state. 

During the heart surgery she wondered what would come of Samuel next, perhaps an extended recovery period and a little loss of weight. Some assistance with getting back on his feet and some rest. But no. His heart didn’t fail him but his brain had, how ironic. The two are almost one in every walk of life. Physical or mental. The other had betrayed its counterpart in his case, for the third time in his life no less. A stroke was the last thing on her mind when they were told he’d slipped into a coma. She could still hear the ringing in her ears right now from the screams of disbelief. He was supposed to be okay, well that was he’d promised her anyway. But now she could see clearly that that was all a simple lie. He’d planned ahead of himself and left the entire Evans’ family in shock by his previous actions. 

Licking her lips she uncrossed her legs and said “If you are tired, why won’t you go?” quizzically. She watched him as the machine filled air into his lungs, his body forcefully expelling it. “You have to know we need you here don’t you?” she asked him next. “Is that why you are lingering on? Why torture us this way, all you have to do is open you eyes Sam” she reasoned. It was crazy to think he could really hear what they were saying despite what doctors told them. If he could hear their cries and their pleading, then why wouldn’t he stop their suffering? Perhaps some of them didn’t deserve it, she guessed. 

“Since the moment I held you in my arms you beat every odd Samuel” she sighed, her hands moved to her head rubbing away the never ending headache. “You were just as fragile then as you are now but you fought back then and I need you to fight right now. I never even pictured you here at this age. So tall, and so strong” she smiled slightly. “So brave…I’d prepared for your loss many moons ago but you pressed forward. Just when the world stopped whirling you’ve snatched the ground from beneath all of our feet…”

When the pounding in her head increased she closed her eyes and leaned down in her chair. “I know I didn’t protect any of you. I know what you all think of me, you think I am weak” she said sadly. “Because I allowed him to strip you and your sisters of every innocent quirk that made you all unique..” she told him as tears began to roll down her cheeks. “As well as myself…” 

She leaned up and sniffled, the tips of her fingers wiped away tears “you have to believe me when I say if I had known his fist would create a monster out of you, I would have taken a double beating in your place”. She felt so small sitting here acknowledging all that he’d been trying to get her to see for years. How could she have let it get this far? Why hadn’t she left? “I turned a blind eye to your cries, your pleading, and your bruises” she said, her chin quivering as she began to cry. “And I'm doing the same thing again aren’t I, that’s what you are saying right?” she said, wiping more tears. “I watched you hurt people Sam, all because you were hurting I didn’t speak up, I missed my opportunity again…” 

Sitting here she’d preferred him raging and yelling in her face that gave her comfort. The silence however stuck the knife in further, the beeping of his heart and in conjunction with the noises the machines only brought more dread. The arrhythmic music playing in the room only made her ears ring again like that day. 

“You are too sweet of a boy Sam, too kind of a heart. All of that anger you hold on to, that you’ve let consume you, has done none of us any good” Mary said. “You have given up but baby there’s so much life for you to live. Your children need you Samuel. More than anything in this world, they need all the good parts of you here on this side of earth, do you hear me?” she asked him. 

“If you die now, you can’t rewrite the story Sam. You can’t be better, I know you want to be better. You can’t love those babies from the grave” she told him. “You can’t change the narrative, so come back. Prove them wrong. Don’t take away the one thing Mackenna’s loves the most in this world. She needs her dad, only you can protect, you can protect her like I never could you…” 

Maryanne stared at him for a long time, parts of her wanted to truly believe he stood a chance. But honestly, she didn’t know anymore as the days passed. Each one gave way to her faith. For all of her grandchild sake she hoped he opened his eyes and they could wake up from this nightmare. But atlas here she sat, with his shell watching the numbers dance on the devices and lines ascend and descend. His frame still, nothing changing. Less hope than before and more guilt than she could hardly take, she would give anything to swap places. 

“I love you, Mackenna loves you, Sam loves you, Sal loves you, Sebastian loves you, Rebecca loves you, Susie loves you, Ellie loves you, a world of people love you and count on you to fill their lives with your gift. With your words. You dad loves you Samuel” she said firmly. She knew she couldn’t speak for anyone but she felt the need to do so anyhow. “Mercedes does too..”