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nevadas-night-time-novelist · 1 year ago

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Auditor, Phobos, 2BDamned and Sanford with a reader that overworks themselves. Prioritizing work over mental and physical health, pushing themselves to their breaking point, skipping meals and only getting a few hours of sleep. I just need these four in particular to tell me to take care of myself and care about me argggh

Overworked reader

Audi, Phobos, Doc, Sanford

CW: bit of a mental spiral on San's end, ends well tho.

Burnouts a bitch man, don't wear yourself thin over shit, y'hear?

Auditor

"Are the chef's meals not to your liking?" You nearly jumped out of your seat when Auditor's ghostly whisper filled your ear. Casting your aching, tired eyes from your paperwork at the once hot meal, still arranged with care on the plate, completely untouched from the moment it left the kitchen.

"Oh, no. Of course not. They're good, don't worry." You offered him a weak smile. "I'll have it later, I just need to finish this up." Audi's eyes narrowed as you gestured meekly to your desk, piled high with reports, cloning records, casualty tallies, and other such boring admin work.

"It's cold." He grumbled, spinning your chair to face him, hands on his hips. "You're going to really hurt yourself and burn out if you keep pulling these awkward hours. Don't think I haven't noticed you slipping from our bed to come back to this. Did you forget how light a sleeper I am?"

Audi's stern demeanour dropped as your features fell, already feeling low because of how your body was struggling, now having your boss/lover add to that. "I just need to be able to keep up with you. What use am I really if I can't handle a fraction of the work you do?"

His hand rested under your chin, thumb delicately stroking your cheek. "You could never keep up with me, my flame, I was made to handle this. You're just a delicate mortal, you do more than enough without stressing yourself trying to level with me. Allow me to finish this later, mea vita, you are going to get a hot, fresh meal while I draw a bath for us, and after you will get the rest your body needs. That's an order, from your employer, understood?"

"Yes, but-"

He cut you off. "No 'ifs, ands, or buts,' You are going to hurt yourself, and I refuse to allow anyone to hurt you, even self inflicted pain. I, as your partner and boss, will clear this burden for you. When I asked for your best, I meant the best you can consistently handle, not this. You're not yourself, and I command you seek out that old self that I fell for and bring them back to me instantly."

Phobos

Being the director's lover had essentially no downsides, nobody spoke a bad word around you, people helped you far more than before, not to mention the adoration of the most powerful figure in the physical realm. However, that same man would often breathe down your neck, commanding you to stay by his side constantly.

Phobos relished in you, watching you, listening to you, being around you. He wished to be adored equally in return, however your work proved to be a distraction from him. He was... a tad obsessive, but how could he not be? He's a god, it was only right you'd devote yourself to him and him alone.

"Leave that alone will you? Your god requires your attention." A large clawed hand rested on your shoulder, the other pulling down his bandages from his mouth. "Your recent neglect of me is not going unnoticed, dear."

You rubbed your aching eyes, staring at a computer screen all day and most of the night irritated them. "I'm sorry Bo, but there's a lot of work that needs reviewing, I've got weeks of backlog to go through, and Christoff, Crackpot and Gonne have all submitted new reports today with pages and pages of intel to go through."

His hands wrapped around your middle, he lifted you up and took your place on the chair, resting you in his far more comfortable lap. "Bah, they're not worthy of your time. I'll command someone else to do it, the short fat one, whatever his name is. He enjoys paperwork and the like."

"Hofnarr is no doubt as swamped as I am." He took your face in one of his hands, his cracked and damaged lips pressing against your cheek.

"Someone else then, if it pleases you. Whatever it takes for you to spend time with me." You leaned into him, your back pressing against his chest, and he emitted a deep purr. "I am a god amongst men, dear, I don't beg for what I desire. I take it. And yet I allow you this honour. So please..."

Your stomach rumbled against his hand. "Harumph! Neglecting yourself as much as you've neglected me?! How dare you, enough is enough. I command you take care of yourself!" Phobos picked you up with ease, holding you level to his eye. To anyone else, he'd be holding them by their collar, or neck to meet his gaze, but with you, he was softer. A hand under your rump and the other on your back, supporting your weight comfortably.

"You are the lover of a god, think how pitiful it would look if I can't even take care of my equal? You stand above others, the right hand of my throne. Your duties have changed, lesser beings will take charge of them. Your only priorities are yourself and me, and the family we will create." Phobos snapped his fingers, and one of the guards at the door came forward.

"See to it that the chefs prepare your God's favourites, find someone to take their duties on and allow them to be truly indulged as they should be." Phobos looked back to you, his eye narrowing. "I will tear this world asunder for you, and build it up as you desire. I will give you anything your heart pines for, never again shall you be run ragged like this."

Phobos was self assured, a god of the highest order, surrounded by weaker, lesser beings. And yet here he was, begging at your altar. He wished you'd devote yourself equally to worshipping you as he did, and he would make damn sure that happened.

2BDamned

3 AM. Doc was in the kitchen, boiling some water over the stove. Hank has smashed the coffee maker earlier in the day, said he'd accidentally dropped the thing, yet couldn't explain the crowbar in his hands. Doc gritted his teeth, damn Wimbleton, making his hard job harder with their stupid thoughtless actions.

He had no doubt the fool had burned themselves on the machine and gone overboard against the poor helpless thing in revenge. Now here he stood, using the stove to make both his coffee and his snack. Instant noodles, his saving grace in the world. Easy to prepare, quick to eat, and filling.

With bleary, tired eyes, you wandered into the dim kitchen, hearing Doc grumbling to himself about 'Getting that moron to find another working machine or he'll have his spine inserted upside down next time.'

"Hey sweetheart." Yawning and setting your tablet down, you wrapped your arms around his midriff and leaned your face into his back. One hand pulled way from the stove, running down your arm before resting atop your hand, feeling the ring around your finger.

"You should be asleep, love." Doc murmured, his animosity towards Hank gone in the wind. You inhaled deeply, basking in his familiar scent.

"I could say the same to you, Kyle." He let out a soft 'Hm.', agreeing without agreeing. You were right, of course. "Debugging with Dei was going well, till he nodded off. San came by on one of his usual bathroom breaks and picked him up."

Doc poured the water into his noodle cup. "You want some coffee?" He took your favourite mug out of the cupboard.

"I thought you wanted me to sleep." You teased tiredly.

"You're my spouse. I know you well enough to know that's not gonna happen anytime soon, even if I would like it if you did." He tossed some powdered milk into the cups along with the beans. "We don't have any sugar left I'm afraid, or sweetener. It's become so scarce these days. Ration packages can't even supply a tiny packet anymore."

"I can get sugar anytime I've got you around." Doc smiled and turned off the hob, turning around to pull you into his arms. "Can I get some now?"

As far as you two were concerned, nothing else existed, everything except what was in both your arms was null and void. He tilted his head down slightly, lips catching yours softly. Butterflies fluttered in your tummy, they flared up every time your husband kissed you.

You rested your head on his chest, it was rare you two had a truly private moment together, as much as you both tried. Being enemies of the state was hard work, who'd have thought?

"You should really lay down dear." Your eyes fluttered open, and you looked up to him. You hadn't even realised you'd started dozing off in his arms.

"No, I've got work to do." You yawned, and Doc chuckled softly.

"You're really stubborn sometimes, you know that?" He picked up both coffees and his noodles. "Tell you what, grab your tablet and we can get cosy in bed together. Work can wait until later, I think we've overdue some private couple time."

Nestled in the crook of Doc's arm felt like the safest place in the world, even with coffee in your system, you couldn't help but fall asleep with him. Trust and love deep rooted, he was your sanctuary.

And damn it, he was going to get you into a healthier sleep routine.

Sanford

It'd been a couple weeks since you'd seen Ford, Doc had sent him off on recon work with Deimos and a splinter group from a faction allied with the SQ, they'd been on the other side of Nevada having heard whispering of something dangerous settling out there.

Two weeks of silence left you anxious, pacing around often, skipping meals and staying up into the early hours of the morning. Longing makes the heart sick, and a sick heart makes the body weak.

The only think you could do to keep your mind occupied was cleaning out the gun stash, checking over the stocked rounds repeatedly, despite the numbers never changing, cleaning already dirt and grime free steel.

A scrubbing brush in hand, you scraped at one of the many swords Hank had salvaged, violently jolting the bristles back and forth over either rust, or really crusted on blood just above the hilt.

Doc usually kept you in the loop of long jobs, sometimes you'd even be in walkie talkie range of your partner and could hear his voice. He could be hurt, he could be dead, you'd be none the wiser, and that was maddening.

Of course you weren't needy and dependant on him, that'd be too much, but just a sign he was okay would've been enough to give you peace of mind. It's the not knowing that drove you to dark places.

Bang!

You jumped in your seat as the front door slammed. "Baby, you here? I'm back." Dropping the blade, you got to you feet and rushed to the door.

"Sanford, you're okay?!" You leaped into his arms, and he caught you easily. Oh sweet security, your world had come home to you safely.

"Yeah babe," San leaned back slightly to get a good look at you, his loving gaze turning to concern. "uh, hope you don't mind me sayin' doll/stud, but you look like hell." His hands brushed over your hair. "...When did you last shower?"

Suddenly you felt rather embarrassed, it'd been a.... couple days at least. Probably about a week since you'd stopped properly taking care of yourself. Swapping meals out for multiple junk snacks, a fucked up sleeping schedule consisting of occasional naps but mostly anxious pacing and activity.

"Uhm..." That was an answer enough for him.

"Baby," Sanford rubbed his cheek, clearing off some dust from his face. "you need to take care of yourself." He sighed and took off his sunglasses. "Have you even been eating properly?"

You didn't meet his gaze. "Okay. Tell you what," He took off his dirty tank top and tossed it aside. "I'll pull out something from the freezer, shove it in the oven while we get a nice shower, and then we can eat and get some rest." Just being near him, hearing his melodic voice again was enough to bring you to a sense of normalcy.

Sanford was fine, he was alive, he was here.

"Things have just been a bit... off without you." You sighed, clinging to his frame, almost afraid if you let him go, he'd run off for another two weeks, or longer. "Sorry, it's just been a lot to deal with, not knowing where you were, if you were safe... It's been hard."

"I get it. I do, I really do," Sanford had his own experiences with deep depression, despite being the large stoic type, the horrors of war, what he and his friends had to do to get an advantage against everything haunted him. "fight, flight, freeze is a real thing, but you can't just shut down baby. You gotta keep fightin, keep yourself in good shape 'cause it's a scary world out there."

"I know. It's easier said than done though." Sanford pulled out a tray of his legendary frozen mac n cheese, you hadn't checked the freezer since he'd left, otherwise that would've been long gone. You didn't know how he did it, but it was godly each time he made it.

"I get that." He shoved the tray into the oven, flicking switches to heat up the frozen dish. "You gotta change how you think, baby." You watched him take off his bandanna, revealing his hair. Or lack thereof.

"You shaved your head?" Usually he'd grow out his hair, style it into long locs and keep them tied back and under his bandanna, but once in a blue moon he'd get bored of maintaining them, and shave it off to start again.

Sanford ran a hand over his scalp, feeling the small curls starting to reappear. "Yeah, easier than trying to keep it clean out there. Dusty as hell." His hands came to rest on your shoulders, turning you to the bathroom. "No bother, I've got your hair to care for now. I'mma spoil you rotten."

Years of caring for his baby siblings had taught the beefcake that just telling someone what to do usually didn't help, but doing it along side them helped solidify the action. He'd help you get cleaned up, get back to eating proper food and getting proper sleep.

He needed to fall into the routine too, sleeping rough in trucks was a pain in his back, and access to his comfy old bed would do him wonders to getting decent sleep again. A full belly and his favourite person in the entire world cuddling into his pecs definitely helped too.

Yes, he needed this just as much as you did.

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pendingnomdeplume · 4 months ago

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i am drowning, and there's no sign of land pairing: hozier x gn!reader rating: T tags: angst, mental illness, hurt/comfort words: 761

author's note: This was pre-written and is part of a backlog of items I still have from the previous blog. xoxo.

title from: No Children by The Mountain Goats divider by: cafekitsune

It’s late when you call, a last resort for which you’ll profusely apologize and ask forgiveness that you’ll never believe or accept. The stains of leftover tears make your skin feel tight as you rub at your swollen eyes and take a deep breath. At least your breathing has evened, no longer wracked with hiccuping sobs that make your ribs hurt.

“Hey, are you okay?” It’s the first thing to rush from his mouth, worry obvious in his voice. You can imagine him now, frizzy hair thrown up and out of the way while he sits at his computer or hunches over a notebook—the anxiety gripping his chest as he sees your name pop up at an hour that is usually all his own.

The only response you can summon is a humorless laugh as you shake your head despite him not being able to see it.

“Do you need me to call someone?” Andrew wouldn’t ask without reason, and you’d provided plenty of reason for this level of concern before.

“Nothing so dire.” You wince at the way your voice cracks. “It’s just…it’s been a night.”

“Tell me about it.”

It’s such a simple phrase, but it makes your heart swell and tears prick the corners of your eyes. One of the few people who’s never made you feel like a burden on them.

You sigh. “My brain won’t stop, and it’s so loud today. I don’t know what actually triggered it, but…it’s been pretty touch-and-go the last few days.”

You brace yourself for an impact that likely won’t come. Andrew isn’t like that, won’t blame you for not reaching out sooner as if it’s a moral failing. Likely, he’ll be more frustrated with himself for not seeing signs even when you’ve worked so hard to conceal them.

“Did you email your psych?”

The question sends an electric buzz of irritation along your skin that you try to shake off. He knows you hate that question, but he also knows that you drag your feet on your own well-being—part of the menagerie of mental illness that convinces you it doesn’t matter anyway. You pause and take a deep breath to swallow down the snappy comment that desperately wants to break free.

“I did, but I don’t know when I’ll hear back.”

You’re both quiet as each of you thinks of the next thing to say, but everything that comes to mind is just as alarming as the call itself. A barrage of self-doubt, self-pity, and self-deprecation tumbles through your brain, and you squeeze your eyes shut as though it will do anything to quiet the roar.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” The question is asked thoughtfully and extended carefully. You take a moment to turn it over in your mind, gauging where exactly your own emotional energy is at.

Finally, you shake your head. “No, I don’t think…I don’t think there’s anything to really talk about. Not right now, anyway. I just…”

I just don’t feel real. I need an anchor to reality.

Andrew asks, “Do you want to get on FaceTime, then? I’m working on something if you want to hear.” If you need company.

When the screen fills with his image, he smiles and greets you softly. An acoustic guitar rests in his lap as he flips back through his notebook to find where he’d left off. As he plucks out quiet notes, you shimmy down under the covers and reach over to turn off your bedside lamp. Andrew glances over when he notices the shift in his peripheral vision, and he smiles again when he sees your eyes peeking out from beneath your duvet, already starting to get heavy with sleep.

You watch him for a while, occasionally catching the way he glances at his phone to see if you’re still there, still awake. Warmth floods your chest as he sings to himself, little sounds and whispers here and there as you catch a few words that make little sense to you within the greater context.

Sleep takes you just as the sky begins to shift. The birds just outside Andrew’s window signal dawn, and he’d nearly forgotten he was on a call at all with how comfortable and cozy the silence is between you.

He catches the way your eyes dart beneath closed eyelids, clearly in the depths of a dream. He whispers your name once, then repeats it louder than before, but you barely stir. Finally, he reaches over, letting his hand hover over the End Call button before whispering a barely audible, “Goodnight.”

#hozier fic #hozier x reader #sailor scout stories #scout has a backlog #i wrote this four months ago when i was really fucking in it and it's still relevant now so here you go

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phoenixyfriend · 2 months ago

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This is in response to the email I sent on February 9th. Still nothing to the one from January 19th, or the Instagram DMs.

So... maybe they were just really backlogged and genuinely didn't get to it until today.

But part of me thinks that maybe the eleven comments people left about the issue on their Valentine's day post had something to do with it.

So yeah. Keep pushing! Here's another colourpop post that I think could use some Bothering. They're bragging about a new line of tinted skin balms, which hey.

Wide shade ranges are a great move... but you know what would be a better move? Addressing the now year-long controversy about the Twilight collections and people's requests that they consider donating to the Quileute Move to Higher Ground fundraiser.

(If you want to be polite, the above phrasing is probably fine. If you want to be petty... something about wanting to sell to people of color while also using indigenous groups for marketing without compensation being a Bad Look.)

Anyway, here's the link to their contact form where you can send a Bothering You email if you don't have instagram. This was the first post with suggested phrasing, and this was the second. Here's the explanation of why I even care, and why I think you should too; if you don't know what colourpop is, I've answered that here.

This time, I think I'm going to go down the route of "If you offered and they said No, just tell us that. If you didn't offer, then why not? We are asking for a donation and a statement." EDIT: Yeah so I can't use their contact form anymore. I guess if you email more than twice in quick succession, it auto-filters you to like... make you go to the email thread you already have with the company instead of badgering them about your missing/broken products and clogging it up more. So now I can't send emails or comment on their instagram.

The goal is not an indefinite boycott of the brand, or to cancel them. The goal is to get money directed to the fundraiser, holding colourpop accountable for their choice of partnerships. We want to help an existing charity for a marginalized group, not sink a company for bad choices. There's fuck all we can do to get the makeup removed from shelves; not enough people are talking about it. But making a donation to the fundraiser is much less of a burden on the company than us making a fuss to get the collection pulled for a variety of reasons, and that makes it both much more achievable, and much more helpful to the people we are trying to get money to.

Remember, the more of us that keep at this, the more likely we are to get a response.

It took almost four weeks since I first emailed them, but I've finally gotten acknowledgement, as canned as the response is.

#quileute #move to higher ground #colour pop #colourpop #twilight new moon #phoenix talks #quileute move to higher ground #twilight #new moon #I'm begging Tumblr to help me cyberbully a multimillion dollar company into doing the right thing

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the-gilded · 2 days ago

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Hi everyone, here's a bit of a life/progress update for everyone following. I wish I had more to share right now, but I hope there will be more coming soon.

I've posted several times that Chapter 2 is coming soon, and I really have wanted that to be true, but I haven't quite been able to bring myself to finish it. I did recently manage to finish drawing new official art for each of the ROs, so here's a little preview of that (sorry, I wish I was better at drawing consistently):

Also, if you want to hang out and/or watch me talk about games I love, you can find me live on Twitch sometimes:

http://www.twitch.tv/faedrian_

Further explanation/vent/plans below:

As far as why I haven't managed to finish writing Chapter 2, it's just because my life has been sliding downhill for a pretty long time now, and it's hard to find the motivation to write anything nice when I feel this bad.

I guess I noticed things getting worse last year, after I caught Covid in February. I was sick for about a month, got really depressed, lost a lot of weight, developed new complications with my endometriosis and my eating disorder got a lot worse. Around the same time, I realized that my relationship was beginning to fall apart. I've been with my partner for ten years, and it hasn't always been stable, but I've fought hard to keep us going together even when things got rocky. Last year, they decided that they needed to start cutting stress out of their life. That led to them breaking up with me twice - both times, I begged them to stay and keep working on our relationship. I was terrified by the possibility that they could just end our relationship and take my whole life away from me, forcing me to leave my home and lose everything I've built especially when I was at such a low point already.

A few weeks ago, they decided to break up with me again, and right now it's looking like it's for real this time - they signed a lease with some friends the day after breaking up with me, and decided that they would just leave me to fend for myself so that they wouldn't be burdened with the "responsibility" of caring for me any longer.

So, I'm currently facing down the reality that I will likely have to give up the whole life I've built up over the last seven years of us living together. I don't have anywhere to live here - all my friends and family are hours or even days away by car. I was in the middle of searching for a new job when the breakup happened this time, but now I guess I can't really take a job here if I'm going to have to move away. I can't afford to live on my own even with the new jobs I was applying for, and I wouldn't feel safe by myself either. I've always lived with my family or with my partner. I may be moving across the country in the next two months - going Northwest to live with some friends that offered to find a place together, and my best friend lovingly offered to pay my moving expenses. I have no money in the bank (in fact my account is overdrawn as I type this), so this is all very stressful right now. I'm hopeful that I'll find a way to work things out, to get myself settled, and to find the will to be productive with my games again.

As far as plans go:

I've been making plans to start up a Patreon and Discord once I have at least a couple months of content backlogged - it would include Beta reading access for The Gilded and my other game jam projects, BTS previews of some other, larger projects I'm drafting, monthly SFW and NSFW sketches and short stories as voted by the Patrons, and eventually a tier to get your OC written into The Gilded. If that's of any interest to you, let me know! I think it would be really good for me to see people engaging with my content again, and I could honestly use the motivation.

Thank you for reading this far, and thank you for following as long as you have. I still love and intend to finish this project, I just need to get through this dark place to find the light on the other side. 💜

#the gilded #vent #long post #tw: depression #tw: sickness #tw: ed #anyway i'm trying very hard to keep writing #my life is just very sad and difficult rn #I've been trying not to share everything going on because that just makes it more real #but I guess I have to accept it at some point #looking forward to posting more in the future #if you see this post a lot it's just because I'll be reblogging to try to give everyone a chance to see it

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venusmage · 11 months ago

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Commission/Life update for 2024

EDIT 9/16/24

As of now I've resolved around 15 commissions since this post was made at the start of June! This is much faster than I was going the past year. They're going well and I thank everyone again who has been so patient and kind. I've gotten nothing but kindness as a response to the wait, even from those who have been waiting for over a year by now. Thank you.

I recently started two new jobs and school again, so I'm a little busy. BUT everyone is (albeit not at a super fast speed) moving up in queue! Once the owed "Full" commissions are done, I expect to get through Sketch Coms even faster and currently I'm at a good pace to be done by the end of the year.

The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!

------

Original post:

Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.

If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.

Information on what's been going on is below.

CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.

As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.

It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.

The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.

In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.

The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.

#no art here #life update #this is gonna be pinned and linked on my queue

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carry-on-my-wayward-butt · 6 months ago

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I think some people have the Shrug It Off gene, where when something bad happens they Shrug It Off onto the floor and keep going and maybe they trip over it later, maybe break a bone or get a concussion when they do, while other people have the Burdens gene where they're Burdened by problems until they're worked through and can be put away. And the Shrug It Off people get very confused when you complain about how heavy the Burden is while you work on it, because their problem weighs nothing since it's on the ground

I have no advice for dealing with then, tho. This framework just makes it easier for me to go Yeah Uh-Huh Sure and let their advice fall out of my ears cause I Don't Have That So That Doesn't Apply To Me. And I still lose that battle sometimes

i like this!!! this is a good one bc like, literally losing my home and all my possessions had me like "on to better things thursday" but literally just knowing i have a backlog of assignments is killing me dead.

i think i'm good with the 'serenity to accept the things i cannot change' but i'm really struggling so fucking hard with 'the power to change the things i can' because i certainly have 'the wisdom to know the difference' cuz i mean if i didnt know the difference i'd probably be able to shrug off anything.

god i wish i could re-trait myself in CAS

#op

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ntls-24722 · 4 months ago

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Sketched some new stuff, and realized I never posted any of the old stuff. Behold: the backlog of sketches I forgot I had.

Homo mousike stuff! featuring an unnamed very grumpy Debu who accidentally became a zebraman village's white elephant in the first 2 pictures (not white elephant in the metaphorical burden sense, white elephant in the literal "i became their prized holy animal"). Said Debu came to one of the few sessile zebraman settlements when she was at the absolute bottom of the barrel attempting to eat their crops and was promptly taken in and showered with everything she could ever need, alongside gifts, makeup, clothes, and jewelery. However she can no longer leave. Both parties slowly figure out that the other is actually sapient and both begin to actually form a bond, stockholm syndrome Beauty and the Beast style (Debu as the beauty, mind you) - grumpy Debu starts to like and protect the zebramen and the zebramen have a religious and morality crisis because they realize "oh shit, Debu are just people and we just KIDNAPPED someone. have we been just kidnapping people."

though, i think the debu worship would still actually stay lmao... the zebramen's reasoning is kinda sound ("you're the biggest, strongest thing around and you literally change the earth with your bare hands. if there's a god i think they're one of you"). just, yknow, keeping in mind Debu aren't like their other cows, they're people,

Also, lip flaps and nose-speak. I dont think the lips would flip out vertically like in the pictures, but rather in all directions. Also, a better way to show off nose-speak/have nose speak, where you can see the muscles moving inside the nose as they speak instead of just the nostrils opening and closing (though, they can do that too).

(NOT TO SCALE. fritz is TINY compared to comet.) The OG submarine comet and zombie fritz doodles that actually kinda went hard as fuck. Zombie Fritz was also originally supposed to have bioluminescent dotted lines around him kind of like the Na'vi to show his tie to Comet, which was badass, and now he needs a slight redesign too to incorporate this.

Here was the updated Comet, a lot more squarish and OG Comet-ish. Chin. I moved the baleen onto the sides of her tongue, which I think is a weird, cool move, I like it better than me trying to make it into a mustache. The frontmost teeth are straight and regular but the rest of her teeth are t-rex murder bananas. Need to add a bigger root to them though...

also, see where her nostril is? I didn't put it there just to make the nose structure more nose-y, THAT'S WHAT PUFFIN NOSTRILS LOOK LIKE.

???? THE FUCK

Bonus: I dont think I ever posted sketches of the ponified Fritz and Comet.

Comet is a changeling who can't be reformed/metamorphized due to her being made neurologically and magically being unable to, as an analog to OG Comet's invasive brain surgery. She does, however, often shapeshift as a zebra that mirrors both her human form and, with the placement of her stripes, pigeons, in order to scare people just a liiiittle less. Fritz is a freaky, weird, earth pony chariot mechanic, and is both her personal foodbank and boyfriend.

#ntls-24722 #djmm #dj music man #homo mousike #rinkalla #lepit #fritz #comet #(almost) daily music man #spec bio #speculative biology #mlp #my little pony #mlp oc #also 1manband but i posted that sketch already

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itsclydebitches · 1 year ago

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Okay, so I saw this RWBY meme made by a fan and I can't remember it completely but it was about Emerald switching sides. What stood out to me was the language used and how Ruby's group was specifically referred to as "The Good Guys side" and if that doesn't show how broken this show's morality is then I don't know what does. Emerald switched to the side of good, not just Ruby's side. The side that is specifically good because it's Ruby side. You're either with Ruby or against her with no in-between. Compare this to Aang's group in ATLA, affectionately called The Gaang by fans. A term that collectively refers to the group without proclaiming them as THE good guys. We know they're good because their actions show they are good. It isn't just a title grafted on because they're the stars of the show. And while they have an official grouping in the form of Team Avatar. It still isn't used in the same manner as RWBY fans calling all who agree with Ruby "The Good Guys".

Decided to start answering backlog asks! We've officially entered the post-RT discussion era. Fun! 😬

You know, RWBY is compared (unfavorably) to Avatar a lot, but this comparison is particularly interesting to me because Avatar is, well... Avatar. That's a title. And it's a title built into the fictional world, one that's so significant it's worthy of being the name of the show. The Avatar is a combined destiny/job description that, in the words of the wiki, is the "human embodiment of light and peace." Obviously free will still comes into play - I'd never ignore the significance behind Aang's personal choice of how to bring balance to the world - but there's an element of fate here, of self-fulfilling prophecy, and fourth wall-breaking knowledge. In-world, benders are (presumably) not chosen if they're unsuited to be this embodiment of peace. Once someone knows they're the avatar, they can more easily find the courage/determination to meet such high standards because this is how it's "supposed" to be (regardless of whether anything cosmic is actually ensuring their success). And the audience knows, by virtue of that title and our opening, how we're meant to view Aang: as the Good Guy of the story. All that already exists outside of the actions he takes within the show, helping to soften anything potentially suspect with a "Well, he's just a kid" or "Well, everyone makes mistakes," or whatever explanation that's technically true in any harrowing story featuring a young protagonist... but continually falls flat with Team RWBY.

Because RWBY didn't do that same work. RWBY doesn't have a handle on its own identity the way Avatar does. It laid some of the groundwork early on but then never capitalized on it, which is why I'm endlessly groaning over the failure of not doing anything with Ruby's status as a SEW/simple soul. Those could have easily been titles the way "Avatar" is a title, something that the people of Ruby's world see as cosmic evidence of her purity and inherent ability to lead them in this war. Instead, it's just a one-off, ambiguous statement and a very badly used skill.

So yeah, Emerald joins The Good Guys, which wouldn't be bad if, as said, the show had shown the group unambiguously being Good people in a war with black and white solutions. Or, if we had some reason to believe that Ruby is The One True Leader, destined/worthy of bearing this burden no matter the number of mistakes she's made. But RWBY even undermines the title aspect by making Ruby herself fairly inconsequential in later volumes. Yeah, the show is also named after this team/our protagonist... and yet that began to feel incidental as the cast grew AND many of the characters brought new - arguably better - perspectives + powers into the fray. Avatar made the simple but VERY important decision to say, "This is the ONLY GUY who can do this job. Sure, he's going to need a lot of help and saving the world is absolutely a team effort, but that team revolves around him because he is, again, the ONE PERSON who can accomplish this." RWBY failed to set that up and (arguably) failed to show the group being The Good Guys, at least to the extent that the whole world would understandably put their faith in a teenager who, frankly, just keeps making things worse. Like, that's a big consideration imo. Ruby's intentions have always been good and most fans are fully on her side regarding justifications for her choices, so in that sense she is absolutely The Good Guy, but beyond that she's just really bad at saving the world. So if she's not somehow ordained to do it and continually shows a severe lack of skill in this regard... why are the characters/the viewer rooting for her again?

#rwde #rwby #mymetas

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berryberrytaeberry · 7 months ago

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In the venn diagram that is Taylor Swift Evermore fans and mdzs Jiang Cheng apologists, I am probably the only person in the small overlapping center.

But oh well.

In this essay, I will explain why the bridge to Marjorie is Chengxian & (EDIT: fun fact, apparently Chengxian is a romantic only thing which i did not intend oopsie) Jiang Cheng pov coded because I think about it Every. Waking. Moment. Istfg.

The autumn chill that wakes me up

You loved the amber skies so much

The change of the seasons from summer to fall reminding JC of WWX is a cool motif imo. The leaves changing from green to brown and the skies darkening evokes the feeling of WWX's ghost cultivation tarnishing the cultivation world, but in a way that JC ultimately knows deep down is beautiful in its own way. WWX's birthday is also in October. This is also how we know the song isn't about Yanli--easy mistake, I know.

Long limbs and frozen swims

You'd always go past where our feet could touch

Swimming in lotus pier. JC is remembering WWX in the present (fall), where everything is dying, but summer activities like swimming remind him of his brother too. WWX would drag JC into the freezing water even in October. They were children, long limbed and gangly, and WWX would always swim further than was safe. Always attempting the impossible where JC wouldn't.

And I complained the whole way there

The car ride back and up the stairs

JC, my babygirl, my favorite complainer, my favorite well-meaning, grump you 😘❤️

I should've asked you questions

I should've asked you how to be

Asked you to write it down for me

And then the regret and guilt starts to creep in. JC hasn't acknowledged that he wishes WWX was still here yet, but there's a level of repressed admiration that chokes him. How did WWX do it all? Why isn't JC more like him? What rulebook for success did WWX follow when WWX never followed any rules? Why wasn't JC enough? All these thoughts race through his head.

Should've kept every grocery store receipt

'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

Now, JC admits to grieving. He wishes he even had the smallest of scraps of his brother but it was ALL taken away from him. His whole family, his home, his authenticity. His kindness. This is why he holds so tight onto Chenqing for all those years. It's his last scrap of WWX (that he knows of). Unwittingly, the golden core within him, haunts him. His brother's veritable soul is IN him, and yet he's chasing the minutia of the simplicity of WWX writing his name.

All your closets of backlogged dreams

And how you left them all to me

Now, JC admits to the BURDEN of his grief. WWXs hidden dreams: a family, cultivation power, love, are all left to JC, and JC feels inadequate in all of them. But he will do it. He will do it. He will lose himself along the way. And he will never find his old self again. But he will yearn for his brother.

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, you're alive in my head

JC will see WWX in Jin Lings face. In the way the water ripples across the pier. Every time he tastes lotus root soup and remembers who he used to share it with. It will drive him mad.

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

WWX is resurrected. He didn't die. Why couldn't he just stay dead? JC had everything under control (lies). WWX is alive SO ALIVE and JC can't bear it. JC gave up on getting his brother back a decade ago

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were singing to me now

But wasn't life with WWX good, for all the annoyances it brought? Wasn't the sound of his flute peaceful? *clenches fist around chenqing* The goddamned flute *throws flute across room* Thank god it's not broken. MXY is his brother. JC has never been more sure about anything.

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

I know better

But I still feel you all around

I know better

But you're still around

Simultaneously, and paradoxically, JC convinces himself that he knows better, that it couldn't be true, none of these reveries and realizations matter because WWX is dead.

But he's not.

Dead, or alive, WWX is still around. His resurrection changes nothing and never will GAH-- THE ANGST OF IT ALL!!!

#mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #jiang cheng #the untamed #berry agenda rise #please for the love of god dont take this seriously #this is brain rot #and my curse to bear

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cripplecharacters · 9 months ago

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hi! i saw the ask you recently posted regarding the amount and date of asks currently in your queue, and im not sure if i understand the response fully. as you said your queue currently contains asks from early 2020, does this mean that at the moment the average time for an ask to be answered is about 4 years? this is not a complaint or anything of the sort, i understand and appreciate the massive amount of work you put into these answers - im just asking to know whether i should send in a question myself, as i usually dont work on building a character for several years, so i would just be burdening you with yet another ask that would no longer be applicable by the time of an answer. again i apologize if this comes off as rude and i really dont intend to be demanding, i just want to inform myself on how this blog works so i dont add to your workload needlessly. thanks for all the great work you do here!

Hello!

To clarify: The average time for an ask to be answered is NOT four years.

There isn't really an average wait time per ask since it differs so greatly but I'd say it's usually no more than a couple months? Somebody can correct me if I'm wrong though😅

Depending on the ask, it may be answered almost instantly and chucked into the queue or it may sit in our inbox for a while before somebody can get to it. This all depends on a few factors, including:

What's the ask about? If it's something that multiple mods can answer (Such as questions about autism, mobility aids, etc.), then it will likely be answered sooner. On the other hand, an ask about something more specific that fewer mods can answer (Such as progressive vision loss or albinism) will likely take a bit longer.

How detailed is the ask? If it's a question that's more simple and can be answered without as much effort/energy, it will usually make it's way into the queue quicker than a question that's more detailed/specific to the asker's story/characters, which will take a bit longer.

What topics does the ask deal with? Sometimes there are asks with heavier topics that can be more difficult to deal with. In my experience, I find that I have trouble spending too much time on these asks at once and I'll usually draft an answer and then go back to them after a few days.

This is by no means an official 'why your ask hasn't been answered yet' post, just some clarification and a few of my own observations but hopefully it's helpful!

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

Editing to add:

A huge part of why there’s such a big backlog is also that, for around a year or more, there was really only one active mod on the blog.

As you can imagine, this blog is kind of a lot for just one person to run. So the backlog built as it was much harder for just one person to do it.

For reference, we now have 10-11 mods, which helps us be able to do more questions.

Hope that helps for some context!

Mod Sparrow

#mod icarus #anonymous #not writing advice #mod sparrow

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tvgremlin · 6 months ago

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Love reading your work! If you’re still taking prompts, maybe something with a hurt/comfort moment?

Thank you so much! Here is you're hurt/comfort with a dash of Carmy and Richie acting a fool because I couldn't resist!

Reminder that my ask box is still open for prompts- I've almost worked through my backlog so keep them coming!!

Anyway... heres the fic!

Citrus

They are standing side by side in the kitchen, prepping citrus. She’s dicing a grapefruit, he’s zesting lemons. The toes of their shoes touch. She loves him here.

He’s making her laugh with a story about an old colleague when her hand slips, slicing into the thin webbing between her thumb and pointer finger.

“Shit.” She says, sucking in a breath as a river of crimson falls onto the cutting board. She feels his hand come to wrap around hers, a rag placed to stop the bleeding.

Both of them are shaking. They pretend not to notice.

He takes her into the office, his hand on her arm as he guides her down the hall. She has started to cry now. She is not proud.

“It’s okay,” he tells her, “You’re okay.”

His words are tender and caring. She is safe here.

“Let me look at it,” He pulls the rag away, examining the wound. It’s not as deep as he originally thought. They can handle it here.

“It’s not that bad,” He sits her down at the desk, crossing the room to get the first aid kit. “I’ll clean it and you’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” She’s calmed down a bit, comforted by his presence. He is steady, he is good, and he cares about her.

She loves him here.

He cleans the wound with his forehead pressed against hers.

“You're okay,” He repeats as she sucks in a harsh breath, “You’re okay.”

She watches as he wraps the cut, his touch so tender it is almost painful. She feels treasured here. Cared for like a blessing rather than a burden.

“Thanks,” She says, “I’m better now.”

Her words carry more meaning than either can process, so they let it hang in the air. In the space between their noses and lips, the truth sits. That this is it for them.

This was always how it was supposed to be.

He kisses her then, his lips soft against hers. She loves him. She hopes she finds the courage to say it soon.

Her good hand is in his hair, deepening the kiss. God, he is so good.

“You okay Chef?” Richie calls out, making his way towards the office to check on her, only to be met with what was to him, an unsavory sight.

“Jesus Christ, get a room cousin!” he yells as they separate, hideously embarrassed.

“Fuck off!” Carmy pulls away from her, cheeks flaming as he goes to shut Richie out.

“Hey, Sorry for interrupting,” Richie holds his hand up in mock surrender, laughing at Carmy’s anger in the process, “I just wanted to check in on Chef Syd.”

“I’m okay,” She says from her place at the desk, holding up her bandaged hand as proof, “Carmy took good care of me.”

“I bet he did.” he winks at her.

“Cousin!” Carmy is on him again, “You can’t say shit like that!”

Behind him, Sydney is laughing now too, because, despite everything, she is so fucking happy.

Her man and his family surround her in the restaurant they built.

She has everything she ever wanted, and everything she never thought to want.

And she shares it all with the person she loves.

thank you for reading! Read the rest of the prompts and my other fics here

#sydcarmy #the bear #sydney adamu #carmy the bear #the bear fx #syd x carmy #fanfic writing #carmen berzatto #fanfic #carmy berzatto #Sydcarmy fanfic #tvgremlin writes

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