#the average person cannot comprehend the things I have read

[macaulaytwins]

“my pussy has taken me places I wouldn’t go with a gun”

the places in question:

[pinktrashgoblin]

SERIOUS POST.

This may have some uncomfortable topics. But please read this whole thing. It’s important to be transparent, and I don’t want Cin to spread more shit.

my deepest apologies to people who are just here on my blog and reblogging my work for fun.

EDIT: I can’t believe I have to say this but don’t fucking harass anyone mentioned in this post. That just reflects on YOU.

Alright, Cin. Since you want a response so bad, here ya go.

So what is this whole thing about?

User @/cintagonisupset is going around telling people this.

I’m already seeing the impacts, having my friends come to me about this. You’ve got my hands tied, so I’m making my statement.

First and foremost: I‘m not going to pretend that I didn’t make dirty jokes in my server in the past, before my birthday when I was 17, a minor myself, and before I banned such jokes last year. With 100% earnest I know this was a bad idea, and I have taken the time to be more careful about what I say around certain audiences. I am not perfect. But in his haste to fuck me up, he left out some crucial details.

1: I was 17 at the time, a minor myself, and was and still am in high school. I was a high schooler, making high-school-tier jokes in a server of other high schoolers. I am not ACTIVELY MAKING THESE JOKES like he says I am, and I do not condone the idea of doing so.

2: I am autistic. I struggle with social cues, with decision-making and so forth. I am only recently 18, but that does not mean I am mentally or emotionally mature, far from it. Mentally I am still a child. I struggle more than the average person with judgement, and often slip up around those I let my guard down around. I am working on this to avoid things such as this.

3: I am incredibly susceptible to peer pressure. In a place where those jokes were made, I wanted to feel like part of the group. So, as I often do, I mirrored behavior to feel like I fit in. I wasn’t sitting my high-school ass down and going “Let’s make raunchy jokes with kids!”, I was thinking in terms of “Maybe if I talk like them, they’ll like me and I’ll fit in somewhere” without fully realizing what everything meant, and without being able to properly process the social queues associated.

4: This was MONTHS ago. I do not actively do these things, nor condone them, I think it’s fucked up and I’ve done everything I can to be better than that. But to misrepresent the situation as me actively doing so isn’t great either.

So with that out of the way.

Do I think it was a good idea? No, absolutely not, but let’s not pretend that this is unheard of in high school and definitely on the internet. Since the dawn of time kids have made stupid jokes with one another. I was a middle schooler once and a high schooler now, I know exactly what goes on in those places. Let me restate: that doesn’t make it good, but let’s not pretend I’m the only high school kid who’s ever made a joke like that around their peers.

My point is, once this thing has become so normalized all over the place, in school, in media, it becomes difficult, especially for a neurodivergent such as myself, to deduce what to and not to do. I have fundamental principles and rules, but that does not mean I am not susceptible to being pressured into this sort of thing.

As I mentioned: I am not emotionally, or mentally, mature. I don’t know everything. I don’t fully comprehend the nuances of things. I am not always aware of what I am saying. I cannot understand social queues in the same way you do.

Make your conclusions as you will, but this is my stance, and this is the truth.

Also, maybe don’t tell people to kill themselves and that nobody likes them? Just a thought. (BTW: As mentioned I am autistic, it’s not as simple as “grow up”.)

TL;DR: I made raunchy/dirty jokes in my server when I was 17, in high school, with a bunch of other high schoolers, and Cin is telling me to end my life because of it.

Please consider my words. I have worked hard to build what I have, and feel it is important to be transparent. I want nothing but to make a positive impact on this community and the people within it. This does not mean I am perfect, but I am trying my best and my intentions are good.

Feel free to ask me, or leave opinions in the reblogs and replies. This is a conversation, not a preaching.

Also, about the art thief thing: I genuinely have no fuckin clue what he’s going on about there.

Edit: I have deleted the “P.S.” section regarding a suspicion I have to avoid further conflict.

[hammerhead-jpg]

Okay okay okay imma talk about something

Redacted ramble number 45 go!!!!!

The potential argument as to why shipping Asher and David is bad could be "yes, Asher and David have shown to be very close in a way regular friendships aren't, literally being "more than a promise " and "two sides of the same coin" and all the other other stuff we've been told, but why can't that be platonic? Why can't we assume that even in a world where they don't already have their own mates that kinda thing couldn't possibly be platonic ? As a society we always assume that if two people that aren't related become closer than your average friendship it automatically means that it has to be romantic, that they then have to start dating, move in together, get married and have children. But Asher and David very well could have all that closeness and still be just best friends."

And to that I would usually say that well, shipping is done for fun. There doesn't have to be rhyme or reason to it. Most people who ship them (at least I think) are able to comprehend the idea that Asher and David could be that close and still consider themselves best friends and not lovers because that is the reality of the series.

But then I thought no- I - uh -NO!!

Because hhejjsjesjsuj EVERY single interaction that implies closeness IS FUCKIN FULL of sextual tension like no joke with the scene in the wedding where David fixes Asher's tie I was actually wondering if they were gonna start making out or somth

I can't fuckin say that their relationship is inherently romantic cuz that would be a lie but LIKE hdkdndmdhjfjj their relationship is so much closer to romance than your average very VERY close friendship

To paint you a picture Milo is also a person that is very very close to David and Asher

Sure, maybe not as much to them as they are to each other, Milo met them later in life, he was never their roommate or David's main support while he was grieving his father's death but they're still very close

Yesterday I read a fic about all three of them as a polycule and it's just felt...wrong

I guess if there are any wolf boys polycule lovers rn I'm sorry but having Milo in there felt wrong in a way I cannot describe

And the imperium AU.....the IMPERIUM AU

The existence of the imperium au inherently implies that if Asher and David didn't meet their mates they would be together romantically. THERE IS A NON CANON YET OFFICIAL AU WHERE THEY WERE LOVERS FOR LIFE SO CLOSE THAT WHEN DAVID DIED NOT ONLY DID IT PERMANENTLY CHANGE ASHER BUT LITERALLY A PART OF HIS MAGIC DIED WITH DAVID.

There is nothing in the story that really needed Asher and David to be mates, so much so that in the original Imperium AU episode Erik had no plans for them to have been lovers until he made the cataclysm sequel it's literally just because Erik wanted to

SO IF the implication is that if they didn't meet their mates they would've have been lovers then you CANNOT judge people for imagining that scenario where it's not in an imperialistic world where one of them ends up dying

Also I can't even say that it's because they didn't meet their mates because although David obviously didn't meet Angel because they were engaged(?) to the king imperial Asher I'm pretty sure meets Baabe around the same time that he meets them in the prime universe so like?????

In conclusion If Erik ships them then you cannot blame me for doing the same thing!!

[essaytime]

I think the main thing that absolutely infuriates me about the "Romeo and Juliet were just dumb, horny teens" take is this implication that because they were so young, their relationship had to boil down to them being dramatic and inventing some great romance to moan about, or lust and hormones. As a teenager, it makes me want to tear the speaker apart with my bare hands. Interchangeably with stabbing, maybe.

When you look at the text, you can clearly see that there is some emotional connection between Juliet and Romeo. Their first conversation is literally a sonnet - which already indicates some sort of understanding and mutuality, and it's also beautiful poetry. They are the only characters in the entire play that they are really fully comfortable talking to. The adults are caught up in the feud, Nurse loves Juliet, but cannot understand her (and makes a dirty joke at her expense in Act I, which for a person Juliet's age would be awfully unpleasant), Romeo's friends, though I Iove them, don't get his sensitivity - Mercutio laughing at it and Benvolio worried by it - which Juliet, in turn, appreciates. They speak of each other with respect and admiration, quite unusually in Verona, where all is conflict and even Juliet's own father insults her: look at the sonnet, the balcony scene, Romeo comparing his sweetheart to the sun or a jewel (in contrast to his earlier quotes about Rosaline, which are literally a compilation of clichés stacked on top of one another). Even when Juliet awaits their wedding night, in a speech clearly centered on sexual matters, there is a visible softness and affection with which she treats Romeo ("cut him out in little stars"...). She waits for the night because it's him, not "I want to sleep with someone because I want to sleep with someone". The two genuinely care about each other, and are fond of each other. Of course, we can wonder if this love would last if they were given an opportunity to grow older, but when the play takes place, this love is there, and it's beautiful.

(Off-topic, I'd also like to note that this is an Elizabethan play that takes place in even earlier times, presumably late medieval - early renaissance Italy. They wouldn't live in the modern world where you can date many different people and settle well into your thirties or fourties. The average marriage age for girls in Shakespeare's time was about twenty, in fifteenth century Florence it was eighteen. Both of them were from wealthy families, so they'd likely be expected - even if Juliet's parents did not force her into a marriage with Paris - to marry earlier, for financial and political purposes. There couldn't be a "growing older" like we imagine it. Even their hypothetical different relationships would be early relationships for today's standards)

And it makes my blood boil when the visible genuine bond between these two is reduced to just "dumb kids being horny". The motive behind these words being partly, of course, the high-school-acquired All Required Reading is Nonsense edginess, but also a deeper issue - the inability to comprehend the fact that teenage love is also often real love.

Being capable of having deep and meaningful romantic relationships does not come baked into your birthday cake when you turn eighteen or attached to your first ever bill. Not every single feeling a teenager might harbour is at its core shallow lust and wanting to get laid. Of course, there's lots of cases of shortsighted infatuation where the pair really have nothing in common! I could name at least a few examples I have seen personally. But still, on every street and every corner of the world, and often a few metres from these pointless infatuations, teens fall in love because there's something more to it. Because they find they have a lot in common, because they get along well with each other, because they are able to see the good in the other person - their kindness, their intelligence, their enthusiasm, you name it. "Teens" including the younger teens, from thirteen to fifteen. And this love is a deep emotional bond. Sure, in most cases it will not last until death (and to be honest, relationships not working out is not really a teenage-specific phenomenon and a sign that young love of all is inherently doomed and it has to die so the curse of growing up is fulfilled), but it doesn't make it less of a love when it still remains, and it includes all the things love is about. Young couples go on dates, and have fun. They confide in each other. They support each other through hard times, they show care, they sometimes make sacrifices for their loved one's good. As any person in love does, at any age.

When I fell in love four months ago, I did not fall in love because I wanted to sleep with someone so bad. In fact, I do not want to - not for the next several years. I realise it's something I might want someday, but it's not today; and above all, I'm way too young. If anything, what I want is to kiss someone, or run my fingers through his hair, or read with his head in my lap - but it's not something I'd go out of my way and date a random person to get, come on. I fell in love because he is actually the first boy that reminds me of myself so much, the first I can understand so well. Because I also have a penchant for history and writing, I also tend to use formal and flowery language in very informal situations, I also enjoy people's attention (though I seem to worry more about being a potential inconvenience than he does), I also believe that we should judge people as individuals, because there's too much nuance in one person to make proper statements about large groups - and I find in him so many things that I can relate to, though of course I can't say I know him well enough to speak much for sure. Besides, he's simply a wonderful person, not flawless, of course, but he has a good heart. He is always kind, and well-mannered, and intelligent, and you can laugh with him. I think he would care if something bad happened, no matter if he says that he wouldn't. I think I know him well enough to say this at least. And if he loved me back (a thing I consider unlikely for now, but not entirely impossible), would we stay together forever? Heaven alone knows! Maybe not! It is up to the higher power. But even if we broke up, that wouldn't erase the fact that I loved him, and I would have done a lot for him, and we were able to have meaningful conversations. Just because a love isn't forever, doesn't mean it was never there.

Because - what the "dumb kids" people don't seem to grasp - teenagers are also human beings with a functioning, even if not fully developed, brain, capable of having complex feelings and thoughts just like an adult. Note that Shakespeare's leads, at least Juliet, actually do that - hence the pre-wedding night monologue, the "deny thy father and refuse thy name", her statement (I don't know the English original of that one, to be honest) that she is too soft and loving towards Romeo already, but it's because she has such profound feelings for him she can't even pretend to be strict. It's noticeable that she has some emotional maturity, at least - she shows some critical thinking abilities, she understands the consequences of many actions, she is able to see that the feud is pointless and a name is just a name. She's a teenager, and someone in their teens is also a Homo sapiens specimen, not a being from a different planet. Teens think and feel. It might not be the same reality as the adult one, and they don't deal with emotions with such ease as an adult would, but that doesn't mean they are unable to truly love and care, to enjoy talking to someone and want the best for them, like grown-ups do - as developing an affection for someone that makes you happy is a very human thing, and I can guarantee you a thirteen or fourteen-year-old is a developed enough human being to experience it.

So, to sum it up, if I hear any "Romeo and Juliet were just dumb kids being horny" on my watch, the author of this statement will presumably be mercilessly killed, and then I'll do as Fulvia allegedly did to Cicero and stab something through their tongue, except instead of a hairpin, I'll probably use one of the darts my little brother got for Christmas. They are very sharp. We have several holes in the floor already.

[sentience-if]

So I finally read chapter 5 and the interlude... And I'm recovering from the revelations. I also used this chance to actually think about my MC's name, and I'm quite content with it.

So, I named him Esmond. It basically means "grace protection". Now, I think it does fit with the religious aesthetic of the game (although the 'grace' part of the name may mean grace as in graceful, and not on a religious context, although I doubt it matters much). And after the reveal of who Io is, I think it makes even more sense. I also like it because it's old fashioned, yet doesn't feel out of place amongst the other characters. And I like it better than the original name I had used (I wrote about it a while before, I used Richard the first time I played the game). I must admit I did make a list of names and I was checking how they sounded with Io as a last name. I like how Esmond Io sounds well enough, although Io is a lot more limiting of a last name that I expected.

Before I forget, since I'm speaking about names: have you considered adding suggestions on the page where we write Io's name? You don't have to, but it could be helpful to people like me who obsess to much on how to name my MCs in a way that fits the world... I know it shouldn't mess with the code much, at least depending on what method you end up using. I understand if you don't want to, however. So no pressure.

Now, for the reveal... I wasn't expecting it, but it does make sense to me. It just makes me wonder what are angels and demons in this setting. For instance, we know is a post-apocalyptic setting. Therefore, is it logical to assume its inhabitants may have specific terms for certain things that do not align with the terms we would use. Furthermore, we don't know when, how or why the apocalipse happened. However, with the reveal of Io's nature I can't help but think a lot of the most mystical elements of the setting are actually technology that the average person wouldn't comprehend as such. As is, Io may not be necessarily a robot (after all, there are too many scenes that suggest a biological composition, not just a synthetic one). But Io may also not be what we would conceive as an angel.

That is to say, angels may be machines, or part machine. Maybe they are machines with a significant organic component to their design. Not necessarily in a cyborg way (a combination of a living being with technology), but rather as a machine built with flesh. It's clear that some sort of coding language is in place, which suggests some part, or the entirety, of the brain is synthetic. But there are also moments where the texts refers to a purely, human like, organic kind of experience. Although there is always a chance Io, angels and demons are very advance machinery.

Also... The reveal of Io being an angel feels so adequate for how I was playing my Esmond. It truly is a very angsty playthrough, now that I think about it:

1. Esmond is hugely dependant emotionally on Val. Like, as clingy as possible. He is very thankful for Val's help and assistance, and cannot see himself without Val. And it all makes sense given what happened on the Interlude. It was so fascinating, and so cute. And makes point two (below this) even more deliciously interesting.

2. Esmond is significantly more faithful, if you will, than Val. At least, he feels a really strong connection with faith. So there is a conflict there with Val. Now, so far, both seem able to live with it (well, until Val dissappeared), but there's that.

3. Esmond is in love, or at least has a crush on Dane Constantine. And the confrontation, the asking about why Connie hates him... It was wonderful. I loved that scene. Because it meant Esmond had to confront both how Connie never really saw him as someone separate from Val. But also how he himself may have an issue with it. Esmond is not Val... But isn't he so clingy that, seeing him as an extension of Val, makes a whole deal of sense?

4. Esmond is very friendly with Ira. But he doesn't harbor feelings for them. So, Esmond feels conflicted because he likes Ira, but also is insanely jealous.

So, overall, I'm really happy with what you have written. And really excited for what it is to come. Guinefort also intrigues me, and I need to know what has being going on with their mind and Io.

Also, I must admit. I have no idea what/who the God from below (is that the term? I apologize if it's not) is supposed to be. A part of me expects it to be some sort of super computer or something, but it also doesn't feel right. So I don't know.

Anyhow, have a nice day!

I've thought about adding name suggestions, but that would require me to sacrifice so many entries on my Good Names List and im too selfish lmao

re: angels - something I've tried to be really careful with is that the characters only know what they know. there is no omniscient narrator. Not to bring up Ancient Aliens (derogatory) but they've got that whole trope of 'ancient people called the aliens gods and magic because those were the words they had at their disposal'

also hiiii esmond it won't get better <3

[ravenkinnie]

'what archetypes do these characters fit' >>> 'what is their purpose in the story, what is the function that their motivations and actions are meant to serve' is fr really the best way to approach character discussions in arcane and i wish every part of fandom understood this.

like i remember when i was on arcanetwt (which is months ago. maybe the place changed recently idk) ppl obsess over the characters' morality or just clearly perceive them based on morality and it creates the most reductive takes ive seen of silco jinx vi and all the chars really.

lets see whether or not that changes in s2 lmao

tbh arcane fandom especially on twitter tends to either skew younger or be 30 year olds desperate for those 19 year olds to form personality cults around them. so you have people who either are YA demographic or just aged out or simply never graduated to adult media by choice. and also many people probably have to pop a ritalin to read anything longer than 280 characters cause none of us have an attention span anymore so you have an absolutely asinine environment to have any conversation in

and this isn't me shitting on YA as a genre, this is me saying you expect younger people to have more black and white thinking in how they approach the world, other people, and themselves so YA tends to be much more focused on those dichotomies, on the good vs evil divides and less so on asking open-ended questions

the way people talk about media literacy you would think it's an inborn thing but that's absolutely nor the case, an innate thing is your ability to engage in a narrative and feel a story emotionally but understanding a story is a different skill, it develops over time and experience. language of media is its own language, it's centuries of a cultural code and symbols that you will learn eventually if you engage in varied forms of media but you are going to have some stupid ass takes along the way

arcane has this very fast pacing and snappy voicy dialogue that appeals to that demographic but, while it's not like so complex an average human with an adult brain won't understand it, its somewhat more complex in themes and characterisation than you would expect from that YA/NA skewing story. like that's the fun part about stories and about people, no one is that simple. the worst person you know probably has a wife that would die for them and you just cannot comprehend how the fuck that's possible. so you go and write a book about it, that's how it works

I think season 2 will make people worse because vi will be a cop </3 which yeah league has been cribge about it over the years but by now its also kind of the point of her character </3

[lonita]

Hey, ableds. Leave those PWD alone.

It's Disability Pride Month. I was wondering what to say about it, or even if I'd say anything at all. But yesterday a straw broke my camel's back - so here we are.

There are a lot of people on provincial disability support programs in Canada. That support is woefully inadequate, leaving recipients between 40 and 50% below the poverty line. No one lives in poverty because they want to. The complexities of poverty are many, and more than I can conveniently cover herein. Suffice it to say, it's not the simple black and white situation that many think it is. Nor is it a simple to solve solution. Throwing disability into the mix complicates the situation exponentially in ways that abled people cannot comprehend, and most of the time don't even try to.

For many disabled people, online spaces are their only community. Because of proximity, finances, accessibility, and more. So, this is where they congregate. This is where they share their experiences, spread awareness, seek support, look for aid, or just shoot their message into the void to see what happens as so many people online do.

But you know how people are.

The agility that the slavering bully displays in leaping on the opportunity to deride a disabled person on assistance is mindblowing. They do it so wantonly, so willingly. As if they think they're the first person in the world to tell someone on assistance that they're a bum, that they're lazy, that they're scammers, that they can do better if they really wanted to, that it's easy to find work, that they're worthless, that people are sick of giving them "handouts", that they're just self-pitying, that they're just weak, that they should just die.

The increase of it does nothing more than to give even more people more license to abuse even more people, to kick even more struggling people when they're already down. Somewhere they got the idea that they think they have a right to abuse others.

The biggest stumbling block in understanding is that an abled person thinks in terms of ability. They don't have to think about navigating life the way that many disabled people do. They think their simple solutions are solutions that will work for everyone. Or that a solution that works for one disability will work for every other. Even some disabled people think that way. They think if they can succeed, that everyone can. It's not true, of course. It's not possible. That aside, the utter lack of empathy on top of the utter lack of practical understanding, is astounding.

Needs of accessibility, accommodation, transit, preparation, training, education, and personal needs, are a far different thing for many disabled people than they are for the average abled person. In the digital age, some of this is easier to manage. But when I was in school there were no personal computers or internet. I couldn't read the chalkboards in my grade or high school classrooms. We did work out some accommodations, but sometimes those things isolate a person. Flexibility is another one. Some conditions don't allow for a person to work a reguarl 9-5 job - and there's precious little flexibility provided in the average workplace, if any at all, and not nearly enough availability for gig work or task work that would suit an unpredictable condition. Lots of disabled people could work, want to work, but there's no work for them. Disabled people don't live a life of being able to just go out the door each day and do whatever they want whenever they want to.

To sum it up. If you see a person talking about inadequate supports, and your first urge is to crap on them, don't. Just don't. They've heard it before, a million times. You aren't the first, and won't be the last. But you don't have to contribute to a harmful noise that does nothing but hurt people. You don't need to be a bully, to be cruel. If you're angry, talk to the people who make laws. Not the people who might be eating one bad meal a day from the food bank.

[darling-lambkin]

Book Review: Helpmeet by Naben Ruthnum

Warning: This book review will contain spoilers. I have tried several times to re-format my analysis in a way that doesn’t give away too much of the content, but with the depth at which I prefer to discuss what I’ve read, it is simply not possible for any of my reviews to be completely spoiler-free. If you do wish to read this book, I encourage you to purchase it for yourself. Keep in mind that I do not claim to be any sort of real literary critic. I am simply one of many people online who enjoys publicly stating their opinions.

Title: Helpmeet

Author: Naben Ruthnum

Publication Year: 2022

Genre: Horror Fiction, Historical Fiction, Gothic Fiction

Average Goodreads Rating: 3.4/5

My Personal Rating: 4.5/5

Pages: 69

Date Started: December 25th, 2024

Date Finished: December 28th, 2024

Synopsis: It's 1900, and Louise Wilk is taking her dying husband from Manhattan to the upstate orchard estate where he grew up. Dr. Edward Wilk is wasting away from a mysterious affliction acquired in a strange encounter: but Louise soon realizes that her husband's worsening condition may not be a disease at all, but a transformative phase of existence that will draw her in as much more than a witness.

Going into this book, all I knew was that this story involved some type of body horror, which for me, was a major selling point. As someone who has been religiously watching horror movies since before my developing mind began to form retrievable memories, there is very little that still makes my skin crawl and my heart race. One of those such things just so happens to be body horror. We, as humans, can run from knife-wielding maniacs and hide under the covers until the monsters go away, but what we cannot run from is our own bodies. We are confined to these vessels, and when there is a flaw in the system, it arouses a primal type of dread; the feeling of “god, I hope that never happens to me”. In the story of a wife and her gradually rotting husband, there is no role that seems ideal to be played. 

While I was confident that I would find, at least, a moderate level of enjoyment in this book, what truly surprised me was just how engaged I was. For years, reading has felt more like a chore than an activity to be cherished, and thus, I found myself taking a step back from literature. Even now, with my renewed motivation, I often still find myself dreading that time of night when it’s time to pick up my book and settle down without a screen. This story, however, had me coming back at every opportunity. I read in favor of sleeping, I read to put off countless writing projects–when I say that I was itching for each new chapter, I truly mean it. The descriptions of Edward’s deterioration were vivid enough to leave me feeling uneasy, and I found myself begging for some sort of levity, grasping at straws for answers regarding exactly what was causing his body to decay. While I did enjoy the ending overall, I will confess that upon the revelation of the sinister antagonist, I was rather underwhelmed. Cosmic horror and the likes simply doesn’t appeal to me at most times, and for me, it was difficult to comprehend exactly what the creature itself may have looked like. Having said that, I was pleased when it was clarified that the creature was something that has been here for a long time, rather than something from space or an alternate dimension; new to this world and eager for a host. 

Perhaps this is a common opinion, but personally, my favorite character in this narrative was the final version of Louise Wilk. Despite the strife Edward put Louise through in life, there is still something so inherently romantic about finding a life literally inside the body of your deceased spouse. The concept of two becoming one, of two souls and two minds speaking to one another internally until they become so deeply fused that they cannot tell where one ends and the other begins, is something that I can only hope to mimic someday–metaphorically, of course!

Favorite Quotes:

“But she never tended to anyone who mattered, until she married someone who did.” (pg 20)

“Isn’t the earth better off after a burning?” (pg 35)

“I cannot explain to you how it feels because I am too cowardly to feel it.” (pg 40)

“A word can have such force, and a name is an entire incantation.” (pg 41)

“They could feel, in the drifting moment just before or just after sleep, a flower between and behind their lungs. Its roots wrapped around their joined vertebrae, and it grew slowly, careful not to exceed their body until they died.” (pg 67)

[paper-pigeons]

I'm so very thankful that I came upon a character like Viktor during such a pivotal point in my life where I am struggling with worsening health and disability. I am very thankful that there were writers out there who handled a disabled character with grace, and made those of us marginalized in the eyes of society feel seen, finally. I suddenly understand why representation matters so much, now. And the impact that it has when it feels like someone finally gets it.

It's a feeling I've been sitting with a lot lately. It's very lonely being disabled. The experience is not one that most people can relate with, because to most people, being sick comes with an end date - either you get over being sick, or you die from it. It's a harsh way of putting it, but it's the truth. I find people cannot comprehend, in any actuality, what it is like to feel like death warmed over almost all day every day. They can't comprehend the idea that disabled people may never get better than where they are at currently, through no fault of their own. They can't comprehend that one good day, or even a few, does not outweigh months or years of bad, and the instinct is to say: "If you were able to do it then, why can't you now?"

It alienates people from you a lot. People may care, but for many it becomes superficial - the feeling of helplessness at best, or annoyance at worst makes friends and family start to withdraw from you. The concept that this thing that plagues the disabled will go on forever is too much to bear for most people, and the idea of being a support system for such insurmountable odds is too much for the average person.

So they leave. Or they distance themselves. Or they leave your admittance that you're going through a hard time on read, never to be acknowledged. It's true that no one should be anybody's therapist, and most disabled people require healthy doses of therapy - but what about all the times between the therapy sessions? By its very nature, disabled people require more external help. And yet, so many of us live in silence. We wear happy masks while being in total pain. We fib being better off than we are. And we sequester ourselves to isolation at the worst of times - sometimes self-made for the fear of being a burden, and other times put upon us unwillingly by those who will not acknowledge us in our state.

Everyone has their own shit to take care of... Even those who are sometimes less capable of doing it themselves.

I've been feeling that loneliness a lot lately. I'm working through that pain. The grief of the loss of bodily autonomy. The possibility that I may need to rely on external means to move. The wonder that, with each new chronic illness I am diagnosed with, am I having years shaved off my life? I know, statistically, I am much more likely to have that happen, even if not guaranteed. I do everything in my power so that may not happen, but being good to my body didn't stop me from becoming so incredibly sick to begin with. I wonder why, me adhering to my treatment and being good to my body now, would be any different?

This sounds existential, I know. But this is the reality that many of us face. With the time we have left, we try our best to give the best, be the best, do the best of what we can produce from ourselves. We fight tooth and nail with desperation to make the most of what we have been given. We fight tooth and nail to leave a legacy worth more than whatever diagnoses hang over us like an anvil.

We just. Do. Our. Best.

And in this painfully lonely existence, it's why characters like Viktor mean so much. It's a sign that maybe, the able-bodied and minded are coming around to understand the nuances or disability. Maybe the tides of our circumstances can change. That if people can see him as beautiful and strong and empathetic, despite him being driven by desperation to leave behind a legacy worth his ambition, in spite of his disability and despite the less than stellar outcome, maybe we have a chance too. To not be so alone and misunderstood.

Until then though, at least we know that he understands us. And with him as our mirror we can find comfort.

[thepitofjob]

Job 19: 1-6. "The Water Gate."

Job tells Bildad, who reveals how to perform a Gemara, "It's just a little crush, don't mean that much..."

The point of the Sanhedrin, "the assembly" is to substantiate certain points of view for the purposes of improving Jewish law. Our prior frame states some of the rules, including the fact Jewish persons must become happier as a result of the Sanhedrin, not less.

Dissent in the process may be successful if the arguments are valid, otherwise, the dissenter is "humiliated" or killed in combat especially if the debate is couched in mediocrity:

"In our modern world we imagine that deviations from the average are generally applauded, but that's not true (in fact, what we call originality are commonly very modest variations from the well accepted). When researchers program a computer to establish the average of a large amount of human portraits, the result is a face that many find very attractive. Conversely, most people regard deformed or unusual faces as unattractive.

This means that humans tend to be attracted to averages. It has been proposed that this mechanism allows an observer to estimate the presence of a deforming disease in someone who should thus be avoided. And although this may be true, much more important is the tendency of complex systems to converge upon a common center, namely the point where elements have the least amount of relative motion and where they least collide: the point of maximum entropy, which is described by the noun ελευθερια (eleutheria) we mentioned above.

Science, likewise, is not a mechanism that lets us stack knowledge upon an ever growing pile, but rather a mechanism that lets us shave off faulty beliefs from the periphery of an ever shrinking window, or rather an ever more focusing lens.

That means that words like wisdom, beauty, harmony, love and even Sabbath all describe the same physical process, namely the increase of entropy and the convergence upon a common state of rest, or one-mindedness (Isaiah 40:4, John 17:21-23, Acts 1:14, Romans 15:6, 2 Corinthians 13:11, Ephesians 4:3-6, Philippians 1:27, 1 Peter 3:8). The opposite: foolishness, ugliness, discord and hate, describe departures from this rest."

Departures from the existing law must beatify mankind and improve his common state or they are not considered valid by the Sanhedrin. See the prior frame from ways to shape one's approach to ensure the criteria named by the prophets are met.

Following are the rules for rebuttals:

19 Then Job replied:

2 “How long will you torment me     and crush me with words? 3 Ten times now you have reproached me;     shamelessly you attack me. 4 If it is true that I have gone astray,     my error remains my concern alone. 5 If indeed you would exalt yourselves above me     and use my humiliation against me, 6 then know that God has wronged me     and drawn his net around me.

The Values in Gematria are:

v. 1-2: Job Replied. The Number is 6704, ו‎זאֶפֶסד‎, "and zefesd" "He had to climb in order to comprehend."

Nothing in the Torah or Tanakh makes sense without Gemara. There are four ways to read the Torah and then Chabad must be followed in every case, and then before one can present a favorable argument one must check the rules for the Gemara.

All replies must substantiate the unique purpose of all living things. Except they can't be infernal purposes:

v. 3-4: Ten times you have reproached me. Adherence to the Ten Decrees are an easy way to stay out of trouble. Even still, they cannot give us purpose or technologize the discovery of the Self. They are stop signs and traffic lights, not a destination. Failure to follow, however, an excellent way to go nowhere fast.

The Number is 8784, חז‎חד‎, hazahad, "sharp arrow."

= self-determined not self-absorbed:

"The verb חצה (hasa) means to divide. In Arabic this verb describes the happiness a wife shares with her husband, but in Hebrew this verb means to divide (Genesis 32:8, Numbers 31:27) or to halve (Psalm 55:23; although this particular instance may be a denominative verb from the derived masculine noun, says BDB Theological Dictionary). This verb's derivatives are:

The feminine noun חצות (hesot), meaning division or middle (Exodus 11:4, Job 34:20).

The masculine noun חצי (hasi), meaning half (Exodus 24:6, Numbers 15:9) or middle (Exodus 12:29, Ruth 3:8).

The similar masculine noun חצי (hesi), meaning arrow (1 Samuel 20:36, 2 Kings 9:24). The regular word for arrow is חץ (hes, see the next verb).

The feminine noun מחצה (mehesa), meaning half (Numbers 31:43 only).

The feminine noun מחצית (mahasit), meaning half (Exodus 30:13, Leviticus 6:13) or middle (Nehemiah 8:3)."

v. 5-6: God has drawn his net around me. There is a pervasive metaphor in the Gematria that compare men to schools of fish. We are fished out of the water after we are schooled in the Shule and then we become lambs, rams, bulls, oxes, doves, eagles, falcons, and finally are allowed to call ourselves men. First we must join the school where everyone's peers are at the same level of unsophistication and in need of some honing by their elders.

The Number is 10669, י'‎םסט‎‎, imst "Drawn from the sea of sin."

The greatest most pervasive impact we can make on the world is human rights legislation. It seems like we should be able to wake up in the morning and go to school or work without a care in the world but no one this planet is able to do that at this time. We are all drowning in evil because mankind refuses to believe in peace on earth and goodwill towards men. It wants someting else entirely.

We know God does not see Himself in the sinner, He hates sin, He says so, He is never awkward about it. The Torah and the Gospels and the Quran and the classics of Hindu spirituality all require what is called Tashlich "to throw away" in Hebrew,

"Though Tashlich is not mentioned in the Talmud, its earliest reference appears to be in the book of the Prophet Nehemiah (8:1) which states, "All the Jews gathered as one in the street that is in front of the gate of water." 

So to rebut during a Gemara can suggest subtraction of a law or idea or interpretation that is holding mankind back. Anti-Semitism and Pro-Life are examples of longstanding religious convictions that do not work. They cause death and dismemberment, loss of property and prosperity, the same is true of women's rights, gay rights, and disability rights. Even if the Torah says plain as day one must or one must not but the Sanhedrin successfully argues using a Gemara how a new approach must be taken for the sake of human happiness, the law is modified. This is not done often but certainly it should be done often enough.

[taleswritten]

@cast-you-dxwn sent

Michael has left two boxes at Anthony’s door whilst the other man was asleep. One was short, of an average presents size he supposed, the other being a small, suitcase-like package.

In the box is a box of cannolis, inexplicably still chilled, on top of a smaller package that contains an assortment of Amarelli licorice and Ferrero chocolate.

Upon opening the case he would find a paired set of pistols, wrought from fine damascene angelic steel, complete with a cleaning kit and several spare magazines, loaded with blessed ammunition.

Both of the pistols have Latin engraved on the slide, and in the case is a simple letter.

“Anthony, my friend, I cannot imagine you have had many pleasant birthdays in Hell, but I hope that this year, amongst friends, you may find joy and celebration amongst friends and found family. The sweets I procured during my last excursion to earth, which I hope you will find to your liking.

These weapons are a favorite sidearm amongst my men. An updated model of the Colt M1911A1, designed by a man of faith and utilized to great effectiveness in combating evil both on the mortal plane and the immaterial.

The engravings are a personal touch, and I hope you will find inspiration and strength in them.

John 1:5: And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.

I look forward to celebrating with you brother, and to many more years in your presence.”

When he prepares to leave the room that day, Angel nearly trips over the boxes. He blinks, staring down at the items before it dawns on him that today is his birthday. There's a suitcase here too and Angel finds himself stunned. Who the hell would buy him this kind of thing, for his birthday?

Both boxes are picked up along with the suitcase (the perks of having multiple arms) and he kicks the door shut to walk over to the bed. He wouldn't be surprise if this is some gift from Valentino in order to keep him in this toxic relationship between the two of them.

He opens the boxes first, finding the items in them. It's his first indication that there's no way this is Valentino's doing. He doesn't buy him things that means something to him and instead buys him fancy ass gifts that Angel could honestly live without.

These? These are symbolic. Italian treats that Angel hasn't had in forever which is why almost instantly he digs into the cannolis. They're fucking delicious and Angel considers cramming more in his mouth before he remembers the suitcase.

He opens that to find the beautifully crafted guns made from angelic steel. His second hint that this is a gift from someone else. Fingers run over the sides of the guns before he's picking them up.

They're not heavy but they're not too light either. They're just perfect and already Angel has the itch to use them. He turns them over in his hand and catches the letter out of the corner of his eyes.

Putting the guns back down carefully, he picks up the letter to read it.

The more he reads, the bigger his grin is. He has never had a friend quite like Michael. Sure, he's had Cherri, but he's never had someone to call brother.

It's nice. He's a demon and Michael is an archangel and yet....Angel believes it when he reads the word brother. They are family, aren't they? He's a much better brother than his own.

He thinks he might cry in joy but he blinks the tears away and reaches for his phone to text Michael. He'd seek him out but he's not sure he can without falling apart.

I got your gifts. I gotta admit, these are the nicest gifts I've ever had in hell. Sure as fuck better than anything Val's got.

Come join me, there's plenty of treats left.

Thank you, brother.

[kanevolution]

hey tumblr, it’s been awhile

i’ve missed you

anyways i’m gonna rant because fuck twitter

BEFORE READING THESE ARE MY OPINIONS THEYRE SUBJECTABLE TO CHANGE AND NOT IN ANY WAY TRYING TO DISCREDIT ANYONES PERSONAL FEELINGS AND OPINIONS

IM AN AGGRESSIVE PERSON TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, well like y’know

With phil,,,, are y’all ok? Hmmmm 8 years ago, 8 years ago, average viewer is like 15, so that puts us around majority of this fandom being like 7, majority being in elementary school. Y’all are children, you have no idea what the environment was then, the internet hardly existed and the r slur was fucking completely normalized. You guys are so young, you cannot educate someone on an environment you did not experience. ESPECIALLY when it’s been so long in the past, you’re bringing up drama to bring up drama, you’re killing your community by doing this. So let’s stop. Phil has showed he has changed, it’s been 8 fucking years you idiots.

Techno next I guess, all i’m saying is humor is subjectable, what techno said about hitler was not fucking attacking anyone, it wasn’t directly harmful, if you put a community of people in your mouth and it isn’t progressive it doesn’t mean it’s  immediately racist, homophobic, or any of that. It was simply just a joke. Y’all know the other shit too. The covid joke was pointing towards how people are stupid in how they are treating asians, not anything against the asian communities.

Wilbur, i don’t even understand this one, y’all are actually reaching so hard. Uhh he can defend his friend ok bye.

Tommy,,,,, this was the fattest fucking reach of my life, some of y’all need to comprehend the fact that not every little detail of your speech needs to be political, progressive, and correct. HE IS FUCKING 16 LIKE PLEASE LET HIM BE A KID MY LORD.

THE POINT IM TRYING TO MAKE: Y’all have too much time on your hands with corona, you need to simply understand that these men do not affect you in any real way and if you’re truly hurt by the things they have done, that is ok, but click off, stop watching, you don’t need to be around it, it’s not essential in anyway.

You are also no way in these peoples lives, they do not owe you shit, apologies and changing are happening for the people in their lives, you do not get the right to invade this personal space, it’s a power play to put yourself above these people to flex that you’re not problematic,,,,which is not ok

Live by the rule of if you don’t like someone let it be, avoid them and don’t persuade others decisions. We are all fucking idiots watching white boys play minecraft, no one cares about who is your fav white boy, just move on. You truly will be doing better once you avoid the people you do not like. You truly will feel better when you don’t create useless drama. You truly will feel better when you step away.

Go outside, make friends, watch a football game or something, step away before you kill your community and burn out these content creators.

[simonalkenmayer]

Obviously humanity has changed significantly over the years in which we have communicated and the cultures and religions we develop, but has humanity changed in any physical way? Like walking different or any vestiges of a much older version of humanity?

Oh yes. Yes yes. In fact one thing that’s been amazing to behold are the sorts of changes that have come about simply because of nutrition.

One I always discuss is how populations with certain conserved regions of DNA from various hominid species react when refined sugar is introduced to their area through trade. For example, after Japan opened up and stopped being isolationist, and trade truly began to increase to the west, average height leapt upward. Another would be these bodies we see on movies. Let’s use the superheroes as an example. Marvel’s Thor and Captain America and Starlord and so one can only achieve those body types through exceptionally managed diets. I read recently they were only allowed to eat a handful of almonds for dinner while filming. That’s absurd, obviously unmanageable for any real person for any length of time. They’re also dehydrated. Point is, the human body could never ever, before this era, navigate nutrition the way it does today. Those body types with all the muscles were impossible on regional diets. A good example of this is how people of African descent genetically processed carbohydrates or fats. And so on.

Nutrition is just far better today. Better comprehended, better managed, better supplied. Here’s another example: we now know that childhood nutrition is critical, and we know what kind of nutrition must be had to build a human brain to maximum efficiency. The nutrition a mother and child get during pregnancy and for the first five years after are absolutely critical to establish all the necessary immunities, brain development and so on. This is one way that socioeconomics and therefore racism plays into life. If a person lives in an underprivileged community that has poor access to good nutrition, and the parents cannot gain nutrition through government based programs, that child is being given less of a chance to develop the strength, stamina, and even neuronal development it needs. It might have a direct physical impact on their abilities later in life. Combine this with other factors in communities with less money, like worse conditions, lack of heat, stress, poor enrichment due to schools being underfunded, lack of good quality childcare, and so on, and you are crippling people, obviously keeping them in a preset status to be exploited forever, perpetually. I would absolutely love to see what change could be achieved if every socioeconomic group below the poverty line had guaranteed stable and state-of-the-art nutrition only, for two generations. I can promise you there’d be a massive change in reality.

So yes, nutrition alone has changed your life expectancy, your height, weight, body fat, even your appearance. Teeth and bones are better, senility and decrepitude later in life is less common. Degenerative conditions, less common. Better mental acuity. Better endurance and strength. Lower body stress in terms of food. That one factor alone has been amazing to see.

So yes. You’ve changed profoundly in my lifespan. You’re taller, faster, stronger, longer lived, more intellectually swift, better coordination, better social structures, better hygiene, medicine, and on and on. Even your color is changing, as people become more socially accepting of mixing, which by the way, will strengthen your genes.

I’ve seen much change.

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[utilitycaster]

Skill Proficiencies are the Bedrock on Which the Success of a D&D Party Rests, Monks are  a Utility Class, and Other Correct Opinions

This came up when I was thinking about the Cobalt Soul subclass and the discussion thereof, especially the dismissive way in which people sometimes treat the mystical erudition feature. I am also a bard player, in my longest-running game, and I prefer utility classes in general, so I decided to write a whole essay that maybe like 5 people will appreciate, two of whom are in my inbox (thanks for the encouragement, @ayzenigma and @agigabyte and one of whom is me.

In D&D, on a fundamental level, this is what happens:

A DM describes the world

You decide to interact with the world in some way

The DM decides if you automatically can do what you want, if you automatically can’t do what you want, or if there are a range of possible outcomes. If the last option, roll a d20.

The DM narrates what happens when you act or fail to act, ie, describes the new state of the world; the cycle begins anew.

The vast majority of those d20 rolls will be skill checks. Some will be combat rolls, which are a whole other thing, but most will be skill checks. Some will be incredibly important skill checks. Some will be relatively minor. Sometimes you’ll be aware of how important the roll is; sometimes you will not. Spells can sometimes guarantee or improve the chances of a success, as can some class abilities; but those are finite resources, and in the end a lot of D&D is resource management, and many of the choices you make in interaction are going to be influenced by what resources you have left.

Consider: the party comes upon a door with a single lock. The party is D&D four-person-party classic: a mage archetype, a thief archetype, a healer archetype, and a strength-based battler archetype.

The mage can cast knock to open the door. This does guarantee success, but it’s extremely loud and will not only alert anyone nearby but also uses a second level spell slot. They may be able to get around this if they or the healer also casts silence, depending on how you play it*, but that’s either another spell slot gone, or ten minutes wasted.

The battler can, for free, either kick down the door or attack it. This is also going to be very loud unless silence is employed, they might choose to use a finite resource (a once a day weapon ability, a rage) and even if this itself doesn’t alert anyone on its own, the big hole where a door should have been, or even the smashed keyhole, probably will.

The thief can, for free, pick the lock. Assuming they are specifically a rogue, because of their class build there is a very high chance of success, and specifically a high chance of quick, quiet, secret success even without additional help. And if they fail, well, the other options still exist and only a small amount of time has been lost.

Things like a single rage, or a second level spell slot, don’t seem like much on their own, but that is the other thing about D&D: usually you go to bed with some things left in the tank, but occasionally you do not, and as the resources get into the red line it is not terribly difficult to get into a death spiral of throwing your limited resources at a problem too large to be solved by them. When you’re in a game where, mechanically, there is no difference between having 100 hit points left and having 1 hit point left, but there is a vast chasm between having 1 left and having none, that extra second level slot worth of healing or damage can mean everything.

Or: at levels 5 through 8, with a cleric, the difference between an ally’s life and potentially permanent death is whether the cleric is left standing with one third level spell slot at the end of a battle.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t use spell slots to achieve things, especially if they’re important; just that there’s a balance, and sometimes a single good thieves’ tools check, investigation check, or persuasion check makes just as much of a difference in terms of the party’s success as a high level spell, even though it’s far less flashy.

The game designers realize this. Older versions had the idea of taking ten: if time is not of the essence and there is no significant penalty for failure, you could take ten and guarantee an average job (which does still require some skill proficiency to take that assumed roll of ten to “pretty good”). This still remains in 5e in the form of passive checks. It’s a core element of the rogue and bard classes that they are people who are highly skilled - both have more skills than most classes and access to expertise, which significantly increases their proficiency bonuses and therefore reduces the chance of failure - and both have additional class features that either improve the breadth (jack of all trades for bards granting them partial proficiency in everything) or depth (reliable talent for rogues granting them a guaranteed average job) of those skills. Frequently, and especially for bards, this is not seen as a significant help, possibly because it rarely comes up in combat. This is wrong.

Here’s the thing: combat takes a long time at the table but in terms of what the party is doing, two minutes of combat a day (20 rounds, total) would be considered an incredibly difficult day. The rest of the time, you’re not in combat.

Here’s the other thing: how did that combat happen? Did it happen because someone failed a check - that a better stealth roll or deception check, perhaps made by someone with expertise in one of those two areas, could have prevented? Or if this conflict was inevitable or necessary, was the party able to use that stealth or deception to get a surprise round? Investigation, nature, arcana, or history to know a little bit more in advance about what they’re about to face? Perception or survival to even find the enemy they need to stop? Persuasion to gain an ally? All of these can make the difference between a success and a failure.

When you come to the end of a long-running D&D game, you will probably think back a lot to combat moments and RP moments, and unless it was one of those few clutch ability checks where you knew how momentous it was at the time you probably won’t think back to the dozens of locks picked without issue, or social encounters navigated with relative ease, but they’re going to be there, and you would have felt the strain without them.

This isn’t limited to skill checks, honestly; it’s a problem with almost all so-called fluff/flavor abilities. It’s interesting, in that the words we use to describe a well-built character are themselves quite neutral in terms of the specific build (min-maxed, optimized) but in practice many people assume these fit into one of two categories: the tank, or the glass cannon. Of course, those are combat-specific abilities, and see above with regards to combat. And maybe you are in a D&D game that is very much about combat and combat only, but if you’re not, that so-called fluff is far too dismissive of utility.

And monks, in particular, are more of a utility class than one would expect. Sure, they get a lot of attacks and they’re sort of tanks of the ‘too fast to hit’ variety and they can stun, but monks are utility in a negative-space sort of way.They don’t need your buffs, and a monk in your party, like a rogue who can pick locks or a bard who can talk their way out of trouble, saves your resources. They are incredibly fast, and don’t need longstrider or jump cast on them. They don’t need feather fall or fly because they run up walls and avoid falling damage. They don’t need to be healed, if they just catch the arrows that were shot and evade the area of effect spell; they don’t need a magic weapon (or any weapon); they don’t need a restoration to end effects, they don’t need protection from poison or disease, they save you the need to cast comprehend languages or tongues, they’re less likely to need a buff to help them save against other effects, eventually they don’t even need food or water. A monk, like a skill check, helps the party by saving finite resources. The Cobalt Soul build merely makes it a little more literal by granting the monk themselves the ability to make those skill checks.

In conclusion: skill checks are cantrips that everyone gets, and if a class got 8 cantrips when most others got 4, and they had an extra bonus to hit, you’d absolutely notice.

*per a quick search it’s up for debate based on the ranges of the respective spells and whether the lock needs to ‘hear’ the spell or not and anyway if this is what you choose to fixate on in this essay I cannot stress this enough: you have the reading comprehension of a slime mold and the sense of relevance of a Republican congressperson.

[dangermousie]

I would like to order a salty no. 3! (tropes, authors, actors)

Mmmm, our kitchen is at your command. Here is my salt shaker and it’s BIG!

Actors - I used to love Xu Kai but after the triple horror of Court Lady, Ancient Love Poetry and that esports mess with Miss Wooden Tree with Boobs, my eye starts twitching when he's mentioned for a role or even when I see a promo picture of him. He might go back on my good list at some point (I mean, I used to dislike Zhang Zhehan only to fall like a ton of bricks after WoH - great timing!) but right now any time I see his face twitch twitch twitch.

Hu Yitian is like a male Cheng Xiao - cannot act. His face doesn't do it for me either so I am just happy he mainly does moderns.

Cheng Xiao is the worst actress I've ever seen in a cdrama, which is saying something. She must have a hell of a sponsor but maybe they should stick her on a runway instead and not make me want to spork myself. She also keeps getting cast with fave after fave, as if she's on a mission to prove these men, who normally have great chemistry with anyone, cannot be defeated by her woodeness. When I think of the fact that she is about to be on my screen opposite Luo Yunxi, I begin to comprehend the cruelty of the universe.

The only good thing about the utter destruction of Zhang Zhehan (a topic I am not going to get into unless I rage stroke) is that there are two less Ju Jingyi dramas circulating out there. The only reason, she’s not the worst is because Cheng Xiao exists.

Dylan Wang and his handsome sheep face and his wooden lack of acting and the insane fact that they keep insisting on casting that man with the ultimate handsome miquetoast vibe as some violent, powerful, scary antiheroes, makes me long for...I don’t know what, but not a Dylan Wang drama. To paraphrase Groucho Marx, “whatever he is in, I’m against it.”

Wu Lei - he’s a decent enough actor but whoever thought he had the vibe for a powerful, wild, death on the battlefield barbarian general in The Long Ballad is the same person who keeps casting Dylan Wang as a badass. It burns my brain!

OK, switching to Korea. Kim Jung Hyun should make a comeback. He’s mega talented and his agency clearly leaked stuff to punish him for wanting to leave. Also, I don’t care how unprofessional he was - he was clearly having a mental heath crisis and was in an abusive relationship. Also, I don’t care if an actor is a bad person - his ex is a dumpster fire but she’s a good actress so she should act. I’d rather have a terrible person who can act (Lee Byung Hun), then a sweet person who can’t act (Taec.)

I am not sure if it’s an actors thing but whatever - people who ship actors in real life are insane and one of the reasons China had an excuse to crack down on fandom. (I don’t mean fun banter but people who genuinely believe X x Y are secretly banging. It’s called ACTING, people!)

Tropes: I love wrist-grab, noncon, amnesia, noble idiot, fakecest etc - all the tropes fandom hates either because they are overused or because they are problematic. I want my life to be original, wholesome and conflict free. I want my fiction to be the opposite.

Whoever makes period stories where the characters are modern characters in period garb should be set on fire.

Authors: Meatbun is one of the best authors and probably in Top 3 novelists I’ve ever read and people who do not appreciate 2ha (unless they cannot read it due to literally being triggered) have bad taste. And before anyone jumps down my throat for being an illiterate, I have been reading all sorts of things for decades, and was reading Euripides and Livy by third grade, took whole classes on scholastic writing and 16th century English poetry, can and do read books in three languages, and read an insane amount of both Russian and English 18th and 19th century novels.

Also, while I don’t want to compare average danmei and average het web novel since I don’t think I’ve read enough of either (I probably read over 100 web novels total but I think I’d have to read way more), a good/well-regarded danmei is way better than a good/well-regarded het web novel. I’ve never found the latter that made me really emotionally invested or one that had a wow plot.

On non-web novel front, Victorian novels and novelists were amazing. Also the whole worship of Hemingway spare style is stupid - Hemingway could get away with it because he was Hemingway. Your average author would vastly benefit from adding color to their writing.

People look down on romance novels because they are for women. Nobody looks down on those stupid spy thrillers which are equivalent for men.

If you haven’t read Jorge Amado, you wasted your entire life.

The end.