#the answer. is no. i didnt do bad either i was just confused bc im NEW and they where very kind

[scalpelsister]

babies first day of work in 4 years 👍

[ganondoodle]

I only just found your fancomic and art now and I’m really curious as to where Farore, Nayru and Din fit in with your AU, and where Courage fits in with it all too; is the first Link/hero that Hylia chose supposed to be the reincarnation of Courage?

Well, you see, i kinda took the zelda lore and remixed it until it tasted good to me uwu

actual answer is i rewrote the lore .. or put it in a different context so it might be confusing at first and i dont know just how much into detail you want me to explain bc .. theres alot .. like ALOT

to sum it up rly shortly:

in my AU/comic the gods (here a rough sketch i did last time i redesigned them, tho this is only nayru, actually all three are one entity but also not, like three bodies melted together at the hips down)

-each created a world, and once life started to thrive there they chose a mortal to call them to come to them, the gods then killed them and used the mortals spirit to create a deity, not mortal, but no god either, as their servant

"Courage" (not actually their name, just a word to call them since their language is long lost) is the first one to be created, but fails the purpose the gods had intended for them rather quickly; so they abandon them and flood the world until nothing but Courage survives, out of madness/desperation Courage then destroys the ancient statue of the gods and promptly discovers a path to another world through it

and that is the second world, in which "Demise" (also not his actual name) resides, he is the deity of that world and has so far succeeded, although not quite like the gods intended; he was told essentially the same prophecy we hear in the intro of skyward sword (invasion of a monster etc.) this monster is in this case Courage, who attacks Demise, who in turn seals Courage away quite easily, which isnt how the prophecy went, he was supposed to die, which makes him doubt the whole plan and starts intentionally delaying working further on it, so long in fact that Courage, now mishapen (similar to the imprisoned) and mindless, breaks free of the seal Demise then kills them, but loses one of his blade spirits in the fight (he used to have two here in my AU), now that the gods plan is not doable anymore (since Courage is dead) they abandon him and his world alot of stuff happens here, inclusing mortals turning to war, then against him, and him destroying his version of the triforce as he saw it as the source of the conflicts; but in the end his world dies a slow death by drought, just like Courage he destroys the ancient statue of the gods in his world and woop theres a path there

which is Hylias world, so, Demise is taken by wrath and grief as this world was allowed to thrive while his own died seeks to reach the the gods in revenge by all means necessarry but is quickly stopped by Hylia, who instead of sealing him like she was ordered to, spares his life, bc who she encountered was not what she was told, and wishes to know why that is, why the gods would lie to her

this is where the comic itself starts, the first encounter of her and demise is the first chapter :3

it is a theme that courage is very similar to link and demise to ganondorf (tho my hylia not that much to zelda hmmmm) but here it has no ACTUAL connection, and the triforce trio as we know in canon has no actual great lineage, no reincarnation, just mortals manipulated by the gods to make them do their bidding after all three deities revolted against being used as the gods puppets

as you can see, im very bad a summing anything up, i hope this didnt sound too lame or something, there is alot of thought and heart put into this story (i even have the background stories of each deity from before they were deities, even tho it doesnt come up in the comic) and i hope i will keep my motivation and passion for this giant project alive enough to get at least more than one chapter done (i have a bad track record of failed comics, im horribly afraid of abandoning this one too bc i put so much more work and love into it already, i guess it depends on the support from you guys how far i will be able to go qwq)

feel free to ask me anything about it, cant promise to respond right away but i cherish nice asks to a point that i dont want to post answers bc then its gone from my inbox lmao

anyway, its 3 am, goodnight and perhaps ... hopefully this gave you a rough idea of what im going for >o<

[sugar-omi]

HI IM AN INSANE BAXSTAN AND SWIFTIE AND UR RYT MR PERFECTLY FINE HAS IMMENSE BAXMC POTENTIAL

while i think its not Unlikely for mc to forgive baxter within the span of the dlc, i DO think theyre not given enough options to feel complicated abt it. u pretty much have to decide how to feel from the start, and arent given a lot of room to change ur mind. For example, my mc Anne is a very forgiving person, especially with bax bc she understands his need to be entertaining & liked. HOWEVER she starts the dlc off thinking "ok if hes gonna be distant i can do that" but then when he jokes with xavier shes like "well im CONFUSED now and i need answers" and shes irritated, but also still likes him. after the bowling she hugs him and is still like confused, but again likes him still. by the time shes baking with him, shes both confused and endeared with him but is kinda harsh with him, even when hes apologizing at the wedding.

All this to say; its not UNREALISTIC mc would forgive in that timespan, its just the lack of complexity mc is or is not afforded that makes it feel too fast. additionally, while u do get to be mad, theres no real moderation for it, and no way to be like "this is a start, but it will take time to trust him fully again". so yeah, it feels rushed and personally i think it was rushed to be released due to whatever reasons (either not caring abt baxter or wanting to work on olnf, who knows)

anyway, i would go on about baxters dlc and its shortcomings for hours if given a chance so for now ill just call it here <3 signed, 🌸Anon

YES YES I AGREE

i do think there was a lotta effort n good stuff but into baxter, and i also havent replayed it since they updated some stuff so maybe its a bit better since release

but i do agree i think the emotional range is very limited its either "idc anymore", "im mad", "i look back fondly", "im pretty sad abt it", n all that stuff n its just pretty straight forward in whatever you choose

i think step 4 is a bit short? maybe?

BUT I ALSO THINK ITS PRETTY FLESHED OUT, now i haven't acted professional w baxter, i tried but i just didnt have time to go through w the route. but there are options!!! its just one and done i think so its kinda like, you cant express How conflicted you are

bc realistically id be so sad but i also hold a grudge so id be like "yeah you say you love me n all that n i GET IT but also im scared"

BUT I ALSO THINK ITS BC WE ARE PLAYING IT WITH SEVERAL HOURS??? like MC has 5 years to get through the emotions, but the time between him saying "see you never!!!" and "omg hi, i miss u but u dont need me but i miss u?!?!!?!" is like less than 5 minutes so.....

LITERALLY I WAS PLAYING IT THE FIRST TIME N I WAS LIKE "you bastard, fuck you. i hate you. stfu. YOURE SO CUTE. you ASSHOLE. i am going to KISS YOU. i want to slap you so fucking bad right now"

like pls i was freaking out during my first playthru

i think baxter's dlc was more focused on the "i am hurt" and "i have XYZ reasons for being like this" and it goes through all that and its less "lets work through your complex feelings/this is how you reacted when we met again bc you felt/feel very conflicted and now we will work thru it"

BAXTER DLC IS LITERALLY "I CAN FIX HIM" OMFG

but honestly i like the baxter dlc better than the derek dlc bc i HATED how "i can do everything by myself!!!!" derek was in step 2 and how sibling focused it was, i man i still loved it of course but i wish derek n mc had more 1 on 1 time

and then in step 4 it was like "i missed out on everything, i feel shitty n im sorry!" and mc just.... idk maybe i need to play it again but i was still mad derek ghosted for a whole step n then it was still very family focused, and while i loved that as well

i just wanted more derek by himself, i wanted to pamper him n love him n just yk

idk, all the dlc's are so good but i do think the forgiveness is very quick which makes sense bc they're making ol2 but man, i would love if it was just double the length or half that to just flesh it out some bc i wanted some sweet moments w the boys as well :(((

ANYWAY YES I DO AGREE ITS NOT UNREALISTIC

just unrealistic for ppl like me who take 2-3 years to get over wtf happened and another 2 to actually settle in my decision to forgive 😂😂 but even then, if i had 5 years to get over it i could prbly forgive him after a lot of crying and a bit of screaming LMAO

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello, modern!daemon nonnie's part 2 again (I'M SORRY) HFLDHNH i knew you'd written it unknowingly but outwitted?? i'm flattered. i'm just used to notice things like this. and i didn't mean that her office is literally shitty! when i was writing it i was like 'stop?? it's a museum it's not shitty.. but i don't know how to describe it in english?? ok. shitty' i meant more like the contrast? this meaningful, intimate, magical moment in JUST a PLAIN office? lovely. by 'waiting wife' i meant like more of the person who won't be able to feel the same for him? like darling you're a pretty boy but we have a dragon in tears who waits to be tamed ;) andand the spoiler? it's not that big of a spoiler, tbh? you've mentioned in the 'Never Before' that reader had met aemond as a child. but i love getting spoilers! really. i either forget them or they just don't affect my impression. and i love learning things about the process of the writing like you've mentioned about iron ring! it's always so interesting to know more about whatever you see in the end. i love crying over fanfics too! so yes, go on pls 'they really just want to be with each other so so so bad.' lovei, i hope it doesn't mean anything bad... i need to cry out of happiness too, you know.... so if you approve... (coming alive to destroy the world) hope you'll like it) i'm glad you didn't cut the story!! it feels so whole and complete. you've made a really good job! i'm still veryvery proud of you! i know about fanfiction but one shot? drabble? i don't know what is what so i'm like um-ah fic? i'm not as worried about mistakes as i was like...last year... but i still read your answer and realise i've typed 'then' instead of 'them' and so on... you'll never know what hour is ungodly for me bc i live in another timezone, i guess) but you can come to my house whatever hour you like! coffee or tea? overall, i'm glad i like your fic too) and thank you sm for answering me!! hope you're not annoyed with these ones. i just like talking to you ig. so!! waiting for the part 3, sending you all my love and breath and tears!! stay hydrated, eat well, sleep tight and don't overwork yourself!! love you! take care! <з (fanfact. as i always type 'fell' instead of 'feel', i tend to type 'tace kare' confusing 'c' and 'k'. like my brain goes absolutely blank when i need to choose a letter so a pick a random one out of these 2 TT)

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IM GLAD YOUR BACK SO SOON FOR THE SECOND PART HAHAHAHA I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW MY INBOX NOTIF WHILE STILL REPLYING TO YOUR FIRST ONE LOL AHHAHAHHA

ANOTHER LOVE LETTER!!!

FIRST OF ALL why are you saying sorry 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡 taKE THAT BACK DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING THAT ISNT EVEN BAD YOU CAN TAKE UP SPACE YOU CAN SPEAK WHO CARES IF OUTSIDE ONLOOKERS THINK YOURE ANNOYING THEYRE DUMB I DONT THINK YOURE ANNOYING TAKE THAT SORRY BACK RIGHT NOW 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹

also you like me FR FR FR FR i also have a sending inbox anxiousness T_T which is why i rarely do so, but i always think about how I dont find it annoying so why would THEY think that??? alas i am still working on taking up space too FUCK ANXIOUSNESS IT BELONGS IN THE TRASSSSHSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

anyway

i knew you'd written it unknowingly but outwitted?? i'm flattered. i'm just used to notice things like this. and i didn't mean that her office is literally shitty! when i was writing it i was like 'stop?? it's a museum it's not shitty.. but i don't know how to describe it in english?? ok. shitty' i meant more like the contrast? this meaningful, intimate, magical moment in JUST a PLAIN office? lovely.

DYING OF LAUGHTER HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes yes you totally outwitted me with that be 100% flattered the fact youre a genius and caught onto that makes me more so a genius and i think slay i think yas i think thats what we deserve AHHAHA. ok HAHAH im glad you didnt mean her office is shitty AHHAH. but youre so right with using that word to express what you mean it really did give the juxtaposition you wanted to convey, albeit not very accurately hahahah i appreciate the clarification. i understand the struggle of thinking in another language and having to change it into english. i loses something along the way, so again i appreciate the effort. and so true getting married to the love of your life in an office is such a paradox ahahahah

by 'waiting wife' i meant like more of the person who won't be able to feel the same for him? like darling you're a pretty boy but we have a dragon in tears who waits to be tamed ;)

i seeeeee HAHHAHHA THIS IS SO FUNNY SAUR TRUE MY BABIES SO CUTE BUT SHE BEEN WAITING TWO THOUSAND YEARS FOR HIM GIRRRRRLLLLLL T_T also lol it actually not 2000 years probably 1800?? give or take but its so much easier to say 2000 so imma just keep saying that

andand the spoiler? it's not that big of a spoiler, tbh? you've mentioned in the 'Never Before' that reader had met aemond as a child. but i love getting spoilers! really. i either forget them or they just don't affect my impression.

HAHHAHH SO TRUE YOU CAUGHT ME IM GIGGLING SO HARD I WAS TYPING THE SPOILER OUT then i thought, i already mentioned they met so this isnt too world changing HAHAAHH YOURE TOO BIG BRAINED I CANT AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I love/hate spoilers, sometimes i dont care, but other times i would rather not know because i want to enjoy the plot/plot twist in the moment when it happens

and i love learning things about the process of the writing like you've mentioned about iron ring! it's always so interesting to know more about whatever you see in the end.

T_T THATS SO SWEET AND NICE AND TOUCHING I ALSO LIKE LEARNING ABOUT THE PROCESS OF HOW SOMETHING CAME ABOUT WE BOTH TRULY SUCH INTELLECUTALS UGH! I WANT TO KEEP YOU IN MY POCKET

i love crying over fanfics too! so yes, go on pls 'they really just want to be with each other so so so bad.' lovei, i hope it doesn't mean anything bad... i need to cry out of happiness too, you know.... so if you approve... (coming alive to destroy the world) hope you'll like it)

I LOVE CRYING OVER FICS!! lets cry together sLAY!!! actually my teacher said crying once/twice a week is healthy for your eyes 😴 it flushes out the dirt but the only thing i hate about crying is when i cry i CRY i cant just like ~cry i CRYYYYYYY then my eyes get super puffy the next day (putting a cold spoon on your eyes help but please i cannot be bothered to go through that) it doesnt mean anything bad. like i say its better than aCTUALLY DOING SOMETHING BAD LIKE A CRIME OR DRUGS OR SMTH so shhh let's just enjoy our evil meow meow and YES COME ALIVE TO DESTROY THE WORLD WITH ME

i'm glad you didn't cut the story!! it feels so whole and complete. you've made a really good job! i'm still veryvery proud of you!

same im glad i didn't too!!! it does feel so much better like this because thats how i intended and saw that fic to be in the first place. I TAKE ALL YOUR COMPLIMENTS LIKE CHOCOLATE THANK YOU MY LOVE I LOVE HEAD PATS AND HUGS AND WORDS OF AFFIRMATION IM LUV U SO MUCH

i know about fanfiction but one shot? drabble? i don't know what is what so i'm like um-ah fic?

aHHH OK fanfiction is like the general umbrella term!!! its basically any work of fiction made for an existing story. one shot is for a fic thats only meant to be one chapter, thus one shot. it's not meant to be continued (which is why as a prominently one shot writer, i am very apprehensive for part twos) a drabble is basically a short fic, normally i think around 100-500 words??? a drabble can be a one shot, if its short enough. ashflashfsa i hope that made sense and that im right with my explanations. i highly suggest searching in case you wanna quote me T_T and i might be wrong lol

i'm not as worried about mistakes as i was like...last year... but i still read your answer and realise i've typed 'then' instead of 'them' and so on...

thats fine. i do that too. IM SO GLAD YOU ARENT AS WORRIED ABOUT MISTAKES!!! PROGRESS IS PROGRESS AND I THINK SLAY. i think as long as people get the essence of what you want to say, they really dont care about grammar mistakes. its fine!!!!!!!!!!!! but i feel you i cringe whenever i see a grammar mistake but lol when im not writing fanfics i kinda dont care AHHHAHH

you'll never know what hour is ungodly for me bc i live in another timezone, i guess)

yes you do i figured. i'll never know but i hope you still sleep RIGHT i will be so sad if you dont ):<

but you can come to my house whatever hour you like! coffee or tea? overall, i'm glad i like your fic too)

ok be there soon just gotta magic my way through the screen somehow. tea please! i love tea!!

and thank you sm for answering me!! hope you're not annoyed with these ones. i just like talking to you ig. so!!

IM NOT ANNOYED 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 I WILL ANSWER ALL YOUR ASKS 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 BECAUSE I LOVE YOU 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹 I LIKE TALKING TO YOU TOO 👿👿👿👿👿👿👿 SO DONT SAY SORRY ABOUT SENDING LONG ASKS OR THINK IM ANNOYED BECAUSE IM NOT

waiting for the part 3, sending you all my love and breath and tears!! stay hydrated, eat well, sleep tight and don't overwork yourself!! love you! take care! <з

same im waiting for the inspo to strike so i can write it im still not sure what i want to do. i was hoping you would tell me about your thoughts for aemond or aegon here but T_T NO WHERE IN SIGHT. anyway its 10pm im so sleepy i love you good night bye. YOU BETTER DO THE SAME THINGS AS WELL BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU I AM A WELL ADJUSTED 🤪🤪🤪 HUMAN BEING HOLISTICALLY 😡 TAKE CARE OR ELSE GRRRRRR

im luv u

(fanfact. as i always type 'fell' instead of 'feel', i tend to type 'tace kare' confusing 'c' and 'k'. like my brain goes absolutely blank when i need to choose a letter so a pick a random one out of these 2 TT

omg ur like me for really i get confused with spellings too omg HAHAHAHH EXCEPT I DONT STAY UP TILL LATE HOURS OF THE NIGHT ok sometimes i do BUT NOT OFTEN COS SLEEP IS IMPORTANT IM GONNA WRECK IT TAKE CARE I SAID OR ELSE

xxx

[fuckityshitbang]

hi have a clumsy thought essay from the (irl) local "very cool" socially popular autist

i think what this question really is internalized more accurately to the autistic person is: "what am i like SOCIALLY when i don't mask?" especially since we for the MOST part are only not masking when...we're...alone. lol.

if you gradually analyze your mask and its nuanced triggers and expressions you can actually willfully NOT mask when interacting, which because of the reasons WHY we mask is equally as unbearable as masking is lol. especially because it's less familiar.

i say this however to demonstrate that if this is something you feel you can't answer, and it genuinely gives you panic from disconnect/existential uncertainty, it can be a useful skill to learn and exercise.

i didnt exactly have the same reaction (eg crisis) as this when i was first struck with the "DAMN, that's a good question." my reaction was like "well, i KNOW what my real personality is like--it does show through my masks. it's PART of me, if filtered and tweaked (and a lot NOT me)." it made me realize i just don't know myself in the context of other people without masking... for the most part. i then thought about how i act with my other friends who are ND... even there, i still mask, because their autism/ADHD sometimes expresses differently, but it's inherently a lot more genuine and a lot less altered/fictional.

thinking of it this way ("well, i act like this with Humans In The Wild Who I Assume Are Allistic And Typically Are, and i act like this with my Fellow Au/DHD Folk") kind of gave me an idea of what traits i specifically stifle more clearly, besides the obvious like stimming or fighting for my life to not infodump etc.

so with at least THAT much data, i began to sometimes...just...not mask, or try to. i experimented a little. i noticed when i was really tired or burnt out (i am unfortunately suffering from chronic autistic burnout but can still mask most days comfortably/instinctively/unconsciously/whatever), those strains were not only more apparent singularly, but also WAY HEAVIER. so i just don't.

people are weirded out by it for sure - they have the person they "know," then the person when i am tired. i don't really make eyecontact, though my affectation is essentially the same; i do other things to show im listening like furrow a brow and nod or hold my chin, so i guess that's still some iota of masking oops lol. i still dont infodump bc when im that worn out i can only rly get stimulation and endorphins from likeminded ppl (not as in autistic, but similar deep interest/passion that may get REAL eyecontact here and there), but i use different language/vernacular since i typically try to sound less "snobby" and more "cool" and "relatable." i kind of ignore small talk or engage it minimally, but will be responsive to things that are generally interesting. i twirl my hair and twist my ankle around while i talk, staring nowhere. maybe i'll draw while we're talking, or i'll do things like organize my items, line up the drinks on the table so theyre on the same "grid" to diminish visual stress, etc etc etc. i do still try to not pick my lips.

so, still not a PERFECT picture to answer that question, but pretty dang close. being aware of when you recede into reflexive masking does make it more exhausting though, as a warning. ime it doesn't stop being reflexive, but i'll admit it was a little easier on me to not really be aware lol. emphasis on "a little," though - i'd still recommend doing it to any who struggle with this existential social anxiety!

this repels/confuses some ppl bc idk they either find it weird or assume im in a bad mood, but a lot of my friends who had long before been friends with that first version of myself (if i was too burnt out to mask before, i just wouldnt see people) act no different and will approach me/hang out w me anyway! it's nice. and it doesn't offend me when people don't react that way, since i was advertising a different product and that product was what they were into. the ppl who approach and hang anyway just happen to be a fan of the product and also its creator.

Trying to explain how I mask to others:

Me: so essentially I copy your behaviour and base my personality on how you act when I’m with you and when I’m with other people I then do the same to them. How act changes depending on who I’m around.

Them: oh so what’s your real personality like?

Me: *has an exsistential crisis*

Rinse, wash, repeat

[reidsnose]

love letters

overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom

genre: fluff fluff fluff

a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)

masterlist

-

the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.

it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.

"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.

you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.

"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.

"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.

"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.

before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.

and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.

you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.

of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.

you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.

spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.

and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.

he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.

"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.

he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.

"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.

"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.

you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.

"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.

he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.

he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.

a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.

he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.

unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.

he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.

you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.

"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.

"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.

"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.

you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!

"ill help you look" you decided.

"please do," he chuckled.

"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.

"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"

his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.

you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.

you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.

is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.

you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"

with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.

dear y/n,

today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that

dear y/n,

im in love with you. too forward

dear y/n,

you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep

you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.

"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.

"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.

"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"

"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.

"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."

"youre not mad?"

"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"

"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.

he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."

you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.

-

-

ultra mega super cool taglist

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru

[arabella111]

hi arabella,

so i have this problem with manifesting.. those past years i have been so depressed that i lost my idenity and idk what i like and who i am, and it makes it harder for me to manifesting since idk what i want exactly. i feel if i had this big realization/existental crisis when i found abt the law i would get my shit together or realize what i want but literally nothing has changed like idk how to benefit from knowing the law. i have tried commanding my sub for answers but i never get one.

also ive turned 17, 2 weeks ago and everyone keeps telling me that this is the last year im a kid and i shouod mature and all that and it hurts me bc i feel like i didnt enjoy my teenage years enough and i dont even have friends now and idk what to do, should i manifest friends and live the life that i wanted now in a year or slow down time like im so confused.

i also feel weird abt wanting to manifest specific things like stuff i was suposed to already have for example when i was younger i could speak russian but now i forgot and i used to be a dancer and now i cant dance and its like i wish i didnt have to worry abt manifesting it and just mentaining it yk? and the other thing js that i feel weird manifesting being pretty like yes ik i can do that but when i was little id get conpliments abt my looks and my body but now nothing and it makes me think that id get all those conpliments just bc i was little but even i was its like i lost it just the other things i mentioned earlier.. i just wish i was born pretty like the other pretty girls without having to manifest it yk?

i hope i made some sense english isnt my first language , i hope i didnt annoy u i just rlly need help rn bc im in a rlly bad place and confused🥺🥺💕💕

i get you, baby. don't worry <33

so first, i want you to sit down and open up a note/notepad, physically or digitally, doesn't really matter. and then write everything that's bothering you. you don't have to describe it, just write it down in two-three words. and then, beside it write down the things you would want instead of it. write down the favourable for the unfavourable.

next, start working on your self concept. i have a post on it. you don't have to invest a week or two for your sc, a single day is enough.

thirdly, whenever you ask your subconscious for an answer, trust and assume it'll give you the answer no matter what. you don't get answers because you assume you won't. self concept will come in handy here as well.

also, if you feel like you missed your teenage years. you can either revise it or just manifest going back in time. do something that'll actually make you happy.

now, you manifest literally everything. the good, the bad. everything. it's either consciously or subconsciously. the world around you is your creation. you're not a good dancer? it's because you assume so (consciously or subconsciously). you think everyone is pretty but not you? why? because you assume so. you put yourself last that's why you're last. you are what you assume. i advice you to work on your self concept, it'll really help you build yourself and give you the boost of confidence you need. and, also you can use some of these.

1. sats (i have a post on this)

2. void (post on this as well)

3. placebos

or just create your own method. and please go through each and every post in my pinned. don't give up, you can do this, you're literally god! all the best, mwah <33

[sereniv]

what i love is when ive told them and they straight up say "no its not. it has multiple definitions"

like i understand the confusion but nonits not gatekeeping or anything to say that the ORIGINAL COINED DEFINITION FROM THE 40S

Is the one definition

like how do you convince someone that theres one definition (which boils down to doing the best you personally can do, which includes everyone like it is such an easy concept) that its NOT a diet, and that people who are on plant based diets arent inherently vegan

its like they get offended. either if they are s PBD themselves, or on behalf of PBD's

Like im not even saying its bad to be a non vegan. Bc i honestly dont care about what is "bad" and what isnt

All im saying is by definition. Some definitions DONT change, or cant be changed

Veganism is avoiding animal exploitation as far as is possible and practical, through food, entertainment, or clothing. Thats it. all that means is, you look at your situation. You ask yourself "can i do more? can i do differently?" if the answer is yes, you try. If you fail, you try again but not at the expense of your wellbeing because then it woulsnt be possible or practical

if the answer is no, same deal. you every so often ask your self, and the answer could always be no and thats fine

because we are all different.

But thats not good enough for them?? Veganism HAS to include dieters because diets are easy to target and is flawed. Diets are problematic and judgmental

It HAS to include anyone who falls outside the definition, because the definition of veganism is SO EASY and SO VAST of a concept

that literally everyone CAN be vegan, just not everyone will

And if everyone can be vegan, even those who dont change a single thing they are doing right now, it means that you actuallt have to ask yourself if youre doing your best

and these people arent. like why else would they fight so hard??

Either fight so hard to call themsleves vegan or to defend others right to call themselves vegan.

Also why cant you just lie? Peope i come across could literally lie to me, and say "oh i guess imm vegan because i am doing the most i can do"

all it comes off as is defensive because they feel guilty about not actually trying

and when i say trying i mean it extremely loosely

I think people dont even understand what 'your best' even means.

Your best can be what youre already doing. your best could be cutting out chicken one day out of the year

your best can be "im overwhelmed and need time to get myself ready, regardless of help and guidance"

It is the easiest thing you can do

and i get it. because i still feel guilty about not sticking with buying fair trade chocolate. but even so, i put the change i want aside and give myself time to plan. to be emotionally ready as silly as it sounds

and thats it like its okay if it seems ridiculous. I felt guilty about using so many plastic bottles- why couldnt i just buy a reusable one. But it just 'wasnt the right time' in my adhd head. So i allowed myself to just relax. That im doing my best, its okay to be wasteful its ok to be destructive. Because literally the only option i can manage is to dehydrate myself

And eventually, now i have a reusable and havnt bought water bottles in a year or so

Thats what doing my best looks like. Is not doing anything sometimes

Its so frustrating.

Like even when i first went vegan i technically wasnt vegan because i judged people who would fall under 'not possible or practical'. because i didnt fully understand the definition. i judged slaughterhouse workers and fast food workers. who have no choice. choice which also has a wide definition

AUGHH like

seriously if you feel guilty that you arent doing your best, but you are overwhelmed or scared to make changes 1. ask for help and guidance and say what you need from that help and guidance (aka. i need suggestions but no push) 2 rethink how you define 'your best' If no matter what you do, you are overwhlemed, constantly guilty with no change, stuck, etc. Then maybe thats a sign you are doing your best, and cant do anything else right now. Keyword right now. That is when you tell yourself its okay, and you allow yourself to do things that you might not agree with

Because there IS no ethical consumption under capitalism, even ethical consumption. we all do what we can do, and we fill in the rest with education. thats it.

me, able to hold a plant based diet is what im able to do and its never going to be enough. thats okay.

me consuming something non vegan like medication is okay. its just. because i require it

we, as humans belong here, you as a person belong here. Dont beat yourself up for what you need and can't do, it does nothing for anyone

But do check in every once and a while with yourself. be gentle about it. be kind. No nrrd to point a finger

Which is ehy i say, have fun with it. Explore different foods if you can get excited about alternatives. taste test bad after bad taste and have fun tweaking until it taste good

Anyway yeah. Theres one core definition of Veganism (Vegan Society version), but i personally like to tack on to possible and practical with "and nescessary' (which is defined by the individual) to include PERSONAL religion and culture. this is too long already so ask if you dont know what that is

But thats just clarification

anyway yeah

The sheer number of non-vegans who feel qualified to explain what veganism is on behalf of a community they don’t belong to…

[snapdraqons]

god, nahyuta…. nahyuta man… sorry this is gonna be so incoherent bc i wrote this on the bus and im not sure if i can fully say all the thoughts i have about them bc theres just so much on my mind but yea theyre such an interesting character to me bc theyre so complex that its almost confusing and their grey morality is just absolutely off the shits??? theyre not fundamentally bad but theyre also not fundamentally good either, and you find yourself questioning a lot if it’s ok to actually side with them bc on one hand, they’re severely traumatized and cast into a life that they didn’t ask for (not just the part that they got branded as a criminal at a young age for something that they didnt do, for a crime that isnt even real, but also being given responsibility of a regent for a country that detested you and your side of the family for years sounds more like torture realistically rather than a happy ending) but at the same time…they also have so much blood that they. willingly got on their hands, and i get that they didn’t really have the power to do anything about it at the time but…. also ?????

what makes me so so SO mad though is the fact that the game barely acknowledges it and nahyuta was just kinda reduced to be this super religious haha funny weirdo pretty guy, and it’s like, “come on yall, you guys are gonna write a character- no a whole game but dont even bother to develop them??” theres so much more to them behind the scenes but the actual character and the whole turnabout revolution arc just ends up falling flat and unfinished and it really doesnt help that its competing with other loosely-made plots in the game

AND YEAH I ABSOLUTELY AGREE, it would take more than a couple of games to actually fix and expand on everything that aa6 (barely) established so even though i desperately want to see nahyuta back again, i fear that theyre just gonna fuck them up even more, so it’s this weird cycle of “aa7 would be nice” and “you know what? i think it’s too much to hope for at this point”😔

UR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and dw about being incoherent I answer most my asks in the early morning between sleep lmao

Nahyuta is a character with so much potential. I feel like theyre closer to Edgeworth or Franziska than the post-trilogy prosecutors in terms of plot/backstory complexity. And the reason why THEY worked so well is because they both appear in multiple games in both the trilogy and spin-offs. However the execution is more on par with aa5 :/

With how the games tend to work, idk if aa7 would be the best for nahyutas character since each mainline game introduces a new prosecutor. I could see them potentially getting development in like. An Apollo Justice 2 in which theyre a secondary recurring character like edgeworth in aa2/3. I also feel the same about Klavier, though I think his botched character development would be easier to fix than nahyutas.

I don't even know where I'm going with this maybe I just need to write a case fic.

[heyitsyn]

There Once Was A Man With No Arms-

Goshiki x Manager!Tendou!FirstYear!Sister!Reader

a/n: that was a mouthful

anon request: ahhh i loved your headcanons of iwaizumi dating oikawa's sister!!! this time, can i request goshiki x tendou's first year sis na manager din ng team nila? salamatttt hehe ingat ka lagiii💞

this cute little bowl cut babie

so you are the little baby sister of our favorite red hair cutie and he was the one who offered you the manager position

ofc you accepted bc hello, you get to hang out w your brother and tease semi-semi-senpai everyday

pls let semi live

everyone likes you though bc you are their manager and you do a lot of things for them even though you dont need to

like sometimes, you stop by the store and pick up all kinds of snacks and if its really hot, popsicles and ice cream

ushijima farmer-san is known to be quite stoic and serious but he’s pretty chill around you and even ruffles your hair whenever you make a stupid joke

as a tendou, you are basically like a ctrl+v  with your brother 

the same cute teasing and bubbly personality but the quick change to serious and demeaning

the team gets stressed, especially mom, bc he has to take care of not one red-head freak but two

but he liked you more though bc you were a first year and you were this short little pumpkin and you were so nice and just all around A D O R A B L E

but you just didnt rub goshiki the right way

maybe bc he thought you were just doing this as an act and no person could really be this bubbly and cheerful

or hes just jealous his senpais attention is directed to you

he will DIE FOR HIS SENPAIS

whenever he gets a good spike, you cheer him on and say things like, ‘nice spike, tsu-chan!’ and he swears youre just doing this bc you want to kill him with a heart attack and he doesnt like feeling like this but you like torturing him

boi what is with this logic

even though he lives for praises, your praises and compliments just hits different than his senpais

before he even realized it, he started all out glaring at you and tendou, being the overprotective brother he was, pointed him out on it

‘oi, little kouhai, you got a problem with our y/n?’

at the mention of your name you turned around from talking to the coach and everyone turned to goshiki, expecting him to answer

unfortunately you didnt hear what your brother said so you were just confused

‘hm? i read the room and i am not comfortable with the energy in the gym today’

someone snorted while goshiki turned red at the attention being on him with the topic of you so he just walks away back to the court

‘oh? what was that all about?’ 

semi shushes tendou and gives you a smile

‘y/n, can you help tossing the ball for us?’

you nodded and quickly ran to the chair and waddled over to put it by the net before standing on it

everyone turned red, including goshiki and even shirabu, and busted their uwus

‘okay! let’s go!’

youve always noticed tsutomu and his determination to beat ushijima which youve appreciated bc he was so hard-working and he was talented enough

‘good one, tsu-chan!’

‘t-thanks, y/n-san’

even when no one noticed it, you were always there to give him compliments and he always grows flustered and hes just a big idiot babie and doesnt realize that your praises makes his heart beat faster bc he thinks youre freaking pretty and someone pretty complimenting him in his spikes boosts his ego

but eventually, it grew on him

instead of looking around for any senpai to praise him, he now turned to you and you would give him that adorable smile and he would bite his lip to stop himself from running over and hugging the life out of you

then he remembers who your brother is, well more like how protective the boys were

‘waka-senpai, nii-chan got sick so he wants you to stop by his dorm later today!’

‘okay’

since you were their teammate’s sister, theyve known you for a while and watched you grow from being this little middle school girl to a first year high schooler 

you were practically their sister

goshiki went to a different middle school so he never really realized how the guys treated you so differently but he knew it would be difficult to win them over for your hand

oops wait what

this thought struck him just as he was drinking water and he ended up choking on water causing you to run over from talking to semi so you could pat his back

‘omg, tsu-chan, you need to be careful!’

this was only the beginning of weeks of being weird

like he was so distracted and different that shirabu actually yelled at him and refused to give him any tosses

‘you talk big about being the ace but the slightest distraction could cost you a match. are you really being serious about being the ace or is it all just talk?’

he got all sad and mopey and he had to sit on the bench 

goshiki never got benched

he was too good to be benched!

but he was and he did not like it

you went over to him and sat next to him

‘tsu-chan, can you follow me?’

he looked up from the floor and he shrugged before following you out of the door

the others watched their first years exit the gym and they contemplated following

but tendou, surprise!, actually stopped them

‘my sister can sort him out herself. trust me’

goshiki didnt exactly know where you were taking him to until you stopped by by the baseball field where there was mud

‘y/n-san, why-’

‘you always say my name formally, why is that? im a first year too, tsu-chan’

he looked down

‘um, i-i don’t know-’

‘y/n-chan, tsu-chan. try it out’

‘y-y/n-chan’

you squealed at how cute he looked w red ears and a red face but you refrained from hugging him

then you remembered why you brought him out

‘oh right! come here, tsu-chan!’

you took a branch from a nearby tree and encouraged him to crouch down with you as you began to draw on the mud

‘there was once a man with no arms-’

you started happily singing and this was when goshiki really realized the resemblance between you and your brother

you both were happy and cheerful bc you wanted to radiate the energy to the others to be happy too

and it worked

tendou’s funny songs and jokes always made the others laugh and you did too

goshiki was happy that he was able to absorb that energy and he soon completely forgot about shirabu’s comments

once you were done, you have drawn a dog on the mud and the boy was so amazed at the sudden creation

he looked up at you with wide eyes and you laughed with a wide grin at his expression

‘hehe, its cool, right? nii-chan showed me something like that before when i got sad and it made me happy again. i thought it would work on you too’

he might have questionable feelings around you bc when you mentioned being sad, he felt weird

like he was relieved he wasnt there to see you sad bc he couldnt take it seeing your usual grin into a frown and your bright shining eyes filled with tears

‘y/n-chan, when you get sad, call me, okay? so i can go to you and make you smile like you did with me’

your eyes widened in surprise but you nodded, your grin even wider

‘im counting on you, tsu-chan!’

and he did

when he received a call late at night from you, he easily snuck out from his dorm and ran to the baseball field where he saw your crouching figure aimlessly dragging the stick in circles

‘y/n-chan!’

he huffed and panted after running so fast and you looked up before running to hug him

‘im here now. youre okay’

you didnt release out your problems on him bc you didnt want to burden him

but he understood and just hugged you until you felt better enough to return to your crouching

goshiki hurriedly grabbed the stick and began to do the same thing you did for him before

‘then he jumped onto the lake and got stung by bees?’

he stopped and frowned, realizing he wasnt right

but the frown lifted when he heard your giggle

‘tsu-chan, he got stung by bees first and then he jumped on the lake!’

the corners of his mouth lifted and he chuckled

‘heh, i guess he did. but this is my version so listen closely, okay y/n-chan?’

this might be the reason you got close w the first year

the others noticed it too since you seem to pamper him and take more time taking care of him than them

like you even started wiping his sweat for him while he just giggles when you pull on the long strands of his hair

‘tsu-chan, i want to cut it!’

‘no, y/n-chan!’

‘but-!’

he grabbed your hands and your arms around his torso so he could do the same to you and gently tugged on the ends of your long hair

‘you too then, y/n-chan. your hair is long too’

you pouted then gently punched his chest

‘mean, tsu-chan’

‘heh?! mean?! how?!’

tendou is like the best big brother ever and hes just like ‘yuhhhh get it tsutomu!!!!’

eventually, goshiki began playing even better

his complete spike percentage has increased and his jumping has gotten higher

but the team predicts that this was all because he’s trying to show off to you and your praising and compliments have motivated him to play better

forget being ace, he just wants you to praise him

‘y/n-chan! y/n-chan! did you see that?’

‘wahh!!!! so cool, tsu-chan!!”

bus trips to matches are so cute but yall lowkey annoy the players a bit

yall sit next to each other and are just leaning together as you giggle over stupid cat videos

like we get, goshiki is getting some quicker than us

i feel like before moving on to relationships, goshiki and you would be best friends first and then move on to the dating stuff

tbh, theres no difference bc yall have always been like that but theres just an offical label now

‘hey, tsu-chan, wanna date?’

‘u-um,, sure?’

yall would hang out in either his dorm or yours and yall would be alone bc the team actually trusts you but you dont know that they pass by the door ever 5 minutes and listen in to just to make sure yall are not doing anything bad

smh they so nosy but we luv them

you know of his insecurities about not being enough and his fears of not being the ace and his dreams of playing to the big leagues and his passion to continue playing on the court for as long as he can and how excited he is to be able to spend all those years with you

he knows of your insecurities about the way you look and being associated with your apparent freak of a brother but you didnt care about that and even fought someone when they said something and your deep protectiveness for the boys, especially your brother but it’s all because the boys were the ones to accept you with open arms and treat you like family

yall shared a lot of secrets amongst yourselves and tbh, your communication is just *chefs kiss*

so serious fights dont happen, like ever, just stupid little arguments that are usually resolved like an hour later

since youre also a manager, its also your job to make sure the boys are maintaining their good grades and you know that shira-senpai has given up on tutoring tsutomu

i mean,,, goshiki is smart but he gets distracted easily and ends up spacing out during lessons

yknow?

thats when the little arguments bc youd be trying to teach him the damn phythagorean theorem and hed be distracted at how come your hair was styled like that today

‘goshiki tsutomu, i will leave your ass to fail right now if you dont stop touching my hair’

‘but babyyyyyy’

‘no, ‘dont baby’ me, you idiot! you’ll be crying like a baby when you fail and you’re bench during the next game!’

oof also!

hes a protective little babie and he gets jealous easily so whenever yall have games, he literally hangs all over you 

like he makes a show of putting his jacket over you and kissing your forehead so that the other teams know to stop looking over at your direction and whispering about you

ofc this gets on your nerves but you cant help but think how cute he looks when he gets jealous

he gets all pouty and touchy and youre just like, take my uwus you big babie

even tendou is like, ‘im her brother yet hes more protective than me’

he demands to be hugged 24/7 but thats not appropriate if youre in public so he ltr drags you outside and away from people just so he could hug you

he likes hugging you bc youre shorter than him and it makes him feel all special and soft since you like to burrow your face into his chest and your sweater paws are just like ugggggghhhhhhhhh

whenever he gets nervous, you kiss his fingers and his knuckles bc it soothes him and youre just his good luck charm and he feels like he can take over the world w a single kiss from you

‘baby, didja see that?! i was so cool, right?!’

‘so proud of you, tsu-chan! youre so cool!’

‘i love y/n like a sister but if she inflates his ego more, i will have to tape her mouth’

can you guess who said that?

overall a relationship i strive for and i really want a goshiki now thanks byeeeeeee

a/n: ngl goshiki’s hair lowkey triggered me when i first saw him bc why the heck does it look like that?! but now i actually like it on him and i cant imagine any other hairstyle fitting him

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

[traumatisedbabygay]

update on my gender crisis:

the more i think about it, the only thing tethering me to a gender before was my masking autistic need to follow rules, no matter how arbitrary i believed them to be. Thinking back, my entire life, the idea of gender and gender norms, stereotypes, ect...it just baffled me. Like, what do you *mean* sit "lady like". What is ladylike? Im sat on the chair...isnt that what it means to sit? Or when i was asked the question "if you could, would you be a boy", and my 11-year-old answer was something like "i mean, i dont know. What difference would it make? I guess not having a period would be nice though..."

Looking back, that answer wasnt me trying to make a statement to my friends that "girls can do anything boys can do". It was me going "wait...gender is meant to *feel* like something. And i would feel different if i were a boy? For practicality reasons having the opposite sexes' body would be convenient but thats all it would be. A body". It was me realising subconsciously that i dont know what gender is supposed to feel like. I was looking at gender as an objective thing, some words and terms that i repeated because thats all i knew it to be. And since i didnt feel negatively about it, i never really had to think hard about it.

Its a lot easier to notice a negative feeling thats there, versus an empty indifference somewhere very deep inside. It was relatively easy for me to realise i was gay: i had a friend come out as bi in yr 8, it sent me into a crisis, and then after that i secretly looked at lingerie models photoshoots because i liked the "fluttery feeling" they gave me. Sure, i buried it deep inside me for three years, but when lockdown came and i was with only myself most of the time, my need to pretend faded away, and i finally accepted that i was a lesbian

That was easier because it was a feeling i could place. I could name it. I could, as a physical, objective thing, say that "i am attracted to women and not men." I could give the feeling a name, it felt real. It felt intrusive almost, like the gay thoughts were there so much i shoved heteronormative media down my own throat so i didnt have to listen to them. My lesbianism made itself visible to me in a way that my gender never has.

Every gender identity i read upon, however, still doesnt feel right. Its like the way im feeling is so abstract and distant that it exists outside the boundaries of language. And im okay with that. Im okay being percieved as female, and im okay using she/her pronouns. Im okay being percieved as male (even if i never am bc i present very femme). Im okay being percieved as nonbinary, and idc if someone uses they/them pronouns for me. Aside from he/him, there isnt anything about gender i really feel. And the only reason he/him feels wrong for me, is because it feels too different to what i know...which is either she/her, or just....nothing. Pronouns and gender identities feel like filler words. Terms used just to form a coherent sentence, rather than feelings that i can fully say i resonate with.

I feel nothing when i say "im a girl". Nothing bad, nothing particularly good. I just feel.....indifferent. As if "girl" is a superficial identity that i keep because im avoidant of change. But if i say that i feel like anything other than a girl, i do feel something. Guilt. How dare I say im struggling with gender identity when there are people out there clawing at their own bodies and binding unsafely and self harming because of dysphoria? How could i possibly think that my small feelings of "you know, i dont really get this whole gender thing" means i deserve a label other than cis. Wouldnt that be appropriation? Wouldnt i be taking away the experiences of other non-cis people?

I dont feel cis, but i also dont feel not-cis. And the more i think about it, the more confused I get. I think its all definitely related to my autism, but even the microlabel autigender doesnt feel right. *No* label feels right.

And i dont know what to do about that.

[irkenheretic]

GKxlgzlhcp MY TAGS ON THE FIC REC POST WERE NOT MEANT TO BE GUILT TRIPPY I PROMMISE i just want to write something stupid good so fucking bad!! And you have rly good taste!!! In your opinion what makes a good iz fic??

no no dont worry i didnt take it as guilt trippy!! tbh the reason space trash isnt on there is bc im.... not caught up on it sdjkfkjsdnf i KEEP SAYING “im gonna read space trash!” and then i do not read space trash. rip that and a bunch of other series i want to read and then just forget to. ive read the first chapter of space trash, fucking loved it, wished there was more Right That Fucking Second, and then when more came i just did not read it because the things i do make no sense to anyone, least of all myself

and ooohhh ok so the main thing that makes a good iz fic to me is dialogue and characterization. like, if i cannot imagine these characters doing these actions, it’s a bust. and really i can suspend my disbelief for pretty much anything as long as the characters stay acting like themselves and their voices are good. my general rule of thumb is if i cant imagine the dialogue in the characters’ voices, its a bust. i try to keep this in mind while writing and imagining the characters’ voices as i go

(pretty much every fic on the rec list fucking nails this but im gonna shine a spotlight on canvas because if it didnt fucking nail the narrative voice then the entire thing would fall apart because it’s first person and the concept is one you need to get the reader used to, so diving right into it is a risk)

another tenant is like.... ok you know ur tags on that “the tallest r two different people” post? shout out to basic media literacy??? that. some people just extremely miss the mark on the characters so hard it makes my brain hurt. even some really popular stuff imo just, COMPLETELY is off the mark and i cant get into it at all. if i cant tell that you know basic facts about the characters just from reading the text you have presented then maybe it is not very good imo. if i need like, the text and 10 metas specifically about the text and an additional 5 metas to explain the characters in the text just to understand like, one fic, then.... imma keep it real i am not reading All This Shit: By You

(a good example is the ponytail dib au- you CAN read the answers to the asks dissecting the characters and how they do things, but the au itself doesn’t seem threadbare and confusing if you don’t. the motivations of the characters are either very clear, or its clear that they will be revealed eventually. i will refrain from saying what i think is a bad example because i do not feel like dropping a molotov on this fandom tonight)

a third tenant is pacing. i can really get into whatever wack ass plot you want me to get into (barring the first 2 tenants are upheld) but if you try to rocket me there too fast im gonna go “what?? what the FUCK???” ESPECIALLY if you’re introducing new info because i will 100% get overwhelmed if its too fast. or inversely i will get bored if its too slow. if it takes like 10 chapters to actually get to the main plot then i will lose interest, especially if there is zero foreshadowing that anything is going to happen at any point. again this is something i have to be careful with because ANX is like, 95% new information and characters so lets just say i know about this fucking intimately at this point so its like.... really easy for me to read a fic and go “holy shit too fast too fast too fucking fast” or “um.. *checks watch* wheres . the plot”

(ersatz has stellar pacing honestly, the plot moves along and balances out the angst and emotions tremendously. the emotional stakes are there as a breather for the serious mystery plot, the serious mystery plot serves to break up emotions and not have them go stale- ill explain later)

and i have some personal disliked tropes like the trope where zim 100% assimilates into human culture to the point where u cant even tell that hes irken anymore, it feels like he gets so watered down and just becomes.... safe

or when an author makes alternate names for red and purple (which is fine in of itself) and then immediately switches to them in the narrative without giving readers a chance to acclimate. bonus if both names are switched at the same time and im like huh what who where please give me time wha

i do not like tall zim and refuse to read any content with it and thats just a pet peeve of mine honestly

ANGST is a huge thing of mine. ive been writing and reading angst for 10 years now so i have a lot of gripes on how its done. the number one thing i do not like with angst is that at some point, it “goes stale” as i call it. what does that mean? it means the work is all angst all the time, that readers get fatigued to the constant barrage of sadness so it just feels... mundane. 

i also really dislike Sadboy Angst. again what in gods name am i talking about? its when angst is shown with the characters just kinda, schmooping around. again thats fine in small doses but if its most of the work and every character has depression, then it stagnates. hard. 

when the time comes is a bit of a paradox in that zim does schmoop around for a lot of it but dib is a very active character so imo its never stagnant. there’s always a little bit of hope that maybe things will get better...but they dont. (until the most recent chapters it seems) and it never increases too exponentially. 

idk, whump is a bit of a weird beast because the point is to be all angst all the time, but i go into whump knowing what im going to get. if there is an actual serious heavystakes plot and the characters are just sad all the time, im gonna wonder where the hell that plot went. a story with a more simple easygoing plot works a bit better as an angstfest because theres no looming threat or mystery. if wttc had a greater-scope plot id be ripping my hair out at the 3 straight chapters of zim angst, but its a fic about zim and dib having a relationship together and thats pretty much it. 

also this is more a medium thing but schmoopfests in comics and fics are totally different beasts bc at least in fics theres an internal monolouge but in comics its just “zim laying there sadly” and fics update with 1000-ish words per chapter and comics update a panel at a time. in my opinion (and i am NOT a professional at comics) the t92k1 guy was amazing at comic-based angst. fucking stellar. why am i talking about comics this is a post about fics

anyway yeah those r my Rules As To What Makes A Good Zim Fic. i am the ultimate authority and i am also secretly jhonen vasquez pretending to be non-binary and also 20 and from new jersey so you all have to listen to me

in all honestly i have read fics that have broken some of these rules (mainly the one on dialouge) because i just really liked other aspects of them- hell even fics on the rec list dont hit all these checkmarks so my real advice is dont stress about some arbitrary Standard Of Goodness because it doesnt exist, not even with my picky ass. im not gonna look for High Art when i read fics, just when i stumble across something i sing the praises of, ill sing! and even if its not High Art or perfect but it still does some things well, its worth a shoutout in my book

also i will read space trash i promist

[hongism]

hi caly boo its ur 🌊 anon! i finally finished the most brilliant darkness and oh my lawd i’m in spain without the s. to put it shortly: U DID NOT DISAPPOINT BESTIE, and it seems unreal that u and ur mind and this fic even exists bc every moment is just polished to perfection, while simultaneously every character is polished to a sort of imperfect perfection(?). i have so many questions and things to say idek where to start, and tho im not good with words and even worse at deciphering hidden meanings, here are just some of my thoughts that i remember from the story.

hello my dear!!! eee im gonna answer separately since i think i’ll be very long-winded as usual but first of all thank you so much :(( this fic is actually very full of subliminal messages and hidden nuances that are weaved throughout which i think could be quite confusing so i apologize for that! if i had managed my time better, i would have adjusted when i started the fic to account for managing those aspects of the fic but alas i’m terrible at time management and i suck so. anyways.

first of all, ngl halfway into the story i lowkey forgot this was a wooyoung fic bc SANNN and also bc wooyoung appeared like 3 times lol. even after it finishing all that, i still had my doubts as to why this is a wooyoung fic, or more like why is san this significant in a wooyoung fic. im still a bit slow on these pls forgive me and im just curious why u made it like that.

i think yeah the most interesting thing about this fic is the emphasis on san over wooyoung. and when looking over it yeah i could have switched san and wooyoung’s characters and called it a day, but wooyoung really in my mind acts as the integral turning point for decisions made in the story. 

the goal with the fic wasn’t really to be hyperfocused on the pairing itself, but rather the emotions and thought processes of each character (aside from wooyoung). wooyoung was kept intentionally mysterious and a bit set apart from the rest of the fic because his role in story was moreso an abstract of hestia, the goddess of the hearth and home. wooyoung’s character appeared in times where y/n was struggling with the thought of home or adjusting to the new changes in her life! wooyoung’s pairing itself was actually intended to be solely platonic at first, but as the story went on i thought having mc develop feelings for him added another turning point in the fic!

moving on, the second biggest question i had is the whole hestia!wooyoung and cafe aurora situation. i did a bit of reading on hestia and only found out that she was the goddess of hearth, which might explain the fireplace and the kind of homey feeling to the cafe. and ‘cafe aurora not really existing to most’ part, which was already hinted at wooyoung randomly disappearing, mc never seeing the cafe before or wooyoung only bringing people he wants into it. i get that him inviting mc must suggest her significance to him, but why was he so adamant about his friends not mentioning him or the cafe to mc before that? wooyoung is quite a mysterious character i think, and given that this fic is supposed to be about him, it’s a bit odd that there’s still so many things left unknown, but its kinda cool that way nonetheless and im guessing u would also like to explain that further outside of the story too.

i think my biggest regret about this fic is the fucking summary.... i wrote that summary well before i even started writing the fic thinking it would go in that direction but it didn’t. and since this fic was for a collab, i left the summary as is because i genuinely cannot for the life of me figure out a better one. but i’m trying to figure out a better one. but i really fucking hate the current summary because it’s not at all what the fic is truly about and i hate it.

however, i don’t hate the fic itself, and the reason why i don’t is because i got to play with both my writing style and how i displayed the story. for this collab we were asked to pick a greek god and one of the seven deadly sins, and i selected hestia and sloth. and initially i had intended to have sloth be represented by the reader’s depression, and wooyoung be a more ‘real’ depiction of hestia. i shifted gears very early on in the fic but what it became is moreso abstract realizations in the characters.

san’s character is meant to be this idea of sloth, and it’s mentioned several times that he doesn’t want to move forward, he wants to go slow, he wants to stop moving so fast through life, and those things point to him being a depiction of sloth

wooyoung’s was harder to encapsulate in a more abstract way but you hit the nail on the head really with the homey feeling of the cafe. beyond that, mc talks about just naturally feeling at ease and comfortable with how things are with wooyoung and being around him, and he takes up this role of being the likeable, warm, cozy, comforting character. it all comes to a head in the last scene where he brings both y/n and san into the cafe.

and again wooyoung’s character is meant to be most mysterious and abstract, but if i had had more time to fully flesh out the fic, i think i would have liked to touch more on him. at the same time however i left it more open-ended and open to interpretation. the significance in him inviting mc in and not being mentioned by the others sooner is twofold. one; the others never really had any reason whatsoever to mention wooyoung. he was a friend outside the circle who never joined in with them when mc was around. i personally in my own friendships don’t mention friends outside the circle by name or anything, just kinda vaguely talking about them unless im certain the people know who this person is. the concept of wooyoung having to invite mc in was more nuanced and vague as well, intentionally so, but that was moreso meant to represent this idea of ‘you can’t make a home somewhere where you aren’t invited’ so y/n couldn’t fully make a home of the place she was in without being invited in and welcomed in, but again that’s something i wish i had more time to fully flesh out.

the hongjoong speech about love (and also the interaction with seonghwa after that) deserves a standing ovation of its own 👏 unfortunately, or not, im not actually going through the emotional turmoil regarding love the same way as hj or mc to be able to fully relate to his words, but the whole ‘if you dont love what u see in the mirror then u dont love it’ mentality really hit me hard, and i’d like to hang onto that when i make decisions in the future haha thank you wise caly! seonghwa and hongjoong’s story is also beautiful, and just like mc said, the more i look at it the more it hurts :’)

the hongjoong speech about love was meant to be something very jaded and specific to his worldview. it actually isn’t wholly how i view love personally, but it was a perfect description to how both he and y/n perceived the love in their own lives. mostly thanks to their own emotional turmoils. the mentality of the mirror quote is something that i think i also struggle with, which is why i included it. it’s hard to do, but even in friendships, i think it’s necessarily to stop and look at the person you were before this relationship and then the person during this relationship. if you don’t love the one you are now, then maybe it’s a sign to reflect and see the bigger picture, so that was a lil reminder to myself and i’m glad it touched you as well!!!

“do you love him, or do you love the idea of being in love with him?” - haha i see what u did there (or maybe i didnt please dont laugh at me if i didnt). its still so good everytime i see it bc i keep finding myself loving just the idea of things time and time again even when this makes total sense to me oof :/

heh yeah again with the more abstract concepts this one was more direct and ‘cliche’ but i fully wanted that cliche in the fic because i thought it suited the situation where mc was constantly struggling with a version of san that she thought she loved vs the version of san she got every time they were together

despite how enlightened she seems to be, mc still made the same choices, and i wanna smack her for it and pat her back at the same time. and maybe also bc of the fact that she feels so differently for the two men that i feel like no ending could really justify her decision, so ending in the vague is probably the best. your ending might kind of allude to someone more than the other already, and tho i still don’t think he’s the best one for her based on just my pov on love, i kinda agree with you. but again, this raises the question of, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic?

and yeah the whole knife in the chest at the end of it all is that she was still too scared to face the music so to speak. but really i would say she made the same choices up until the conversation on the balcony with san. and you’re absolutely right, the reason i chose the ending the way i did was because either way, there’s no justification. and actually although it might seems like i was alluding to someone specific, san being in the cafe at the very end was moreso to represent that as much as they fought, he still very much loved her and wanted to be loved by her. it was kinda an open casket ending there were no nails in the coffin, the choice between wooyoung and san still stands and an argument could be made for either of them! i think this is a fic that i could see myself revisiting one day with two endings - one for san, and one for wooyoung.

something i didn’t mention earlier about wooyoung’s character being left intentionally mysterious was that he was representing a new and budding love. the honeymoon phase where you’re falling for someone you don’t even really know. you are the reader aren’t meant to really know who wooyoung is because of that beyond what you read about him, so his past and such was left out intentionally to represent that idea of ‘hey wow im in love with a stranger!’ whereas san was this gritty love that’s bad for you. and there are pros and cons to each just as with anything!!

so,,,, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic? well i picked wooyoung for my collab so he was one of the main focuses of the fic regardless of which direction i took with it. as for why wooyoung wasn’t more forward, i already answered that but !!! i view it as both a wooyoung fic and a san fic. both are highlighted characters with main pairing roles!

i literally just woke up to write this and am going back to sleep ahaha so i apologize if this makes no sense. i somehow felt like i’ve read so much yet so little at the same time, maybe bc there are still so many things i havent fully made sense of, and that’s where i hope you come in and enlighten me. i still stand by my word that this fic deserves so much more recognition despite the lack of explicit smut bc of how much more you’ve explored through character building. love you caly and thank u for working so hard <3 — 🌊

no worries my beloved i hope you go back to sleep and get lots and lots of rest!! and i hope my response helps enlighten the not so clear things as well dgjdklfg but really thank you so much. it was a long fic and hard to get through at times, but as a whole, i’m proud of it and what i created, so thank you for recognizing my efforts and appreciating them 🥺

[thoschei-rights]

Season 12 but The Master kept pretending to be O??

Basically self-indulgent Thoschei with a twist.

lots of typos bc?? i aint got time to go correct stuff yet? I will later?? 

So Spyfall is resolved, The Kasaavin are banished back to their realm and the Fam and Doctor are clueless as to the true mastermind, Barton taking the fall while the Master continues to pose ad O, having decided he’s enjoying the game of tricking her too much.

Perhaps among their texts they’ve grown close, or perhaps the brief time together in the outback led to events?? ;) But either way, he changes his mind mid plan and continues to act human.

Since he never leaves the message or has the confrontation in Paris, the doctor remains unaware of Gallifrey’s destruction. The fam wait off on asking their questions since she isn’t off with them.

Orphan 55 happens, and while the fam go do their shit, O stays with the Doctor bc admit it, she was like oh ;-; when everyone went to explore. My poor baby. So they hang out together before everything goes to shit, how cute?? Things get resolved, but with the revelation of one of earth’s potential fates, and the potential that the doctor lied about knowing, the fam decide to ask to know more about her. She shares what she believes its true at the time, being born on gallifrey and being a timelord, O looms in the background looking awkward bc he knows none of that is true and he feels horrible keeping the truth from her, it makes him as bad as the rest of the time lords- but he is selfish and he doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing, he’s started to really enjoy her company, its everything he’s ever wanted, every star.

And then it’s ruined when Yaz asks to see her own planet. Blissfully unaware of its destruction, she takes them, and so they’re right there with her when she sees, opens the doors to the rubble, the dying flames- and oh god. The fam are horrified, she’s horrified, O has to fake it, while being utterly glad those nasties are dead- maybe he gets to sneakily comfort hug her??? like she’s trying not to tear up even after that whole shit show of the confession dial, it was her home??so yeah he’s like hugging her but he’s so angry bc they dont deserve her tears?? 

The doctor is off after that, and the fam know why, and none of their words of comfort do much, because sure they’ve just witnessed the death of earth too but that is just one timeline, can be completely avoided, while gallifrey is gone forever, and she believes she’s once more the last of her kind. it hurts.

they visit tesla all the same, and when that big ass scorpion looking alien (bc im sorry i didnt like the episode and i’ve forgotten her name so....) mentions dead planets, she can feel the fam stiffen, as though the doctor is gonna blow at any minute, but she keeps calm, tries to bury the rage, but O can tell, can tell by the way her arms shake, hands clenched into fists in her pockets- and it hurts him to see her like this- the longer he spends around her, pretending to be someone he’s not, he’s just realizing more and more what a dumbass he is and that he’s still as in love with her now than he was all those years ago in the academy- none of the truth will change that-

and then boom the shit show with the judoon occurs and suddenly O is confused af because that Lee guy could ONLY have been him. Who else on gallifrey was stupid enough to hide out with the doctor, marry them and die for them?? him because he’s a dumbass? but he’s a dumbass who definitely doesnt remember this memories?? which theoretically in the doctors timeline should have been sometime after the division? or during? he’s not sure? but to his knowledge he shouldn’t have been alive at this stage? and now he’s not sure what the fuck HIS own life is too? did they take his memories from him too? has he lost part of his life? suddenly the truth doesnt seem as known as he thought- so while the doctor is reeling from the information of Ruth being her somehow? O is having his own mental crisis because what the fuck did they do to him too? what is he missing?? 

praxeus continues as similar as it did originally, O is only the tiniest impressed at Yaz, ever since Spyfall he’d sensed she was the human with the most potential to not be utterly worthless so he’s glad at least one of the doctors latest pets seems to have some initiative?? but yeah i dont wanna change much about praxeus? its not important- except the doctor saying she’s a romantic and the master wants that? wait what- he’s conflicted about his own thoughts? he wanted to break her, destroy her with the truth? but he also just wants to wrap her in his arms? make everything as okay as he can? what the fuck is even happening with him? jsut your usual ‘im a mess’ vibes lmao

when can you hear me? rolls around, it happens in a similar way, i dont wanna get to into it because i dont wanna think too much...the episode was weird, it was just weird-- i cant?? although maybe bc that zellin and the lady whose name i forgot...but they were immortal right?? maybe their species is the doctors species?? huh? huh? think about that- but don’t think too hard bc i hate that theory and i’m gonna pretend i never had that thought- lets just ignore can you hear me even though the end made me cry for yaz bc lol relatable sis, relatable. do whatever you want for this bit fam, idc.

Anyyyyyway. the bit I’m waiting for... Villa Diodati ;) O is ready to smack Byron round the face, fingers itching towards the tce everytime he tries to flirt with the doctor. the lone cyberman appears and wopdie doo earth is going to be destroyed and the doctor is about to do something stupid, thinking there is no other way? the master is like um lol change of plans i dont want the cybermen to win, look how in pain my baby theta is?? i gotta help?? oof? and idk, his patience is like nope all gone? and he whips out his TCE on the lone cyberman and boom. crisis averted? except now the doctor is looking at him in horror and shock and- she realizes who he is then and there, and normally he’d made a big drama out of his, throw in some words, a speech about how easy it was to deceive her, how he destroyed gallifrey- about how he was under her nose this whole time- but he doesn’t, instead he meets her gaze and can barely manage to whisper an “im sorry” and wow shit i wasn’t gonna write that version, i was gonna have feral confrontation but now im stanning a sad master who just needs a hug and some therapy because nothing makes sense, he thought he had everything figured out but he doesnt and he just wANTS HIS FRIEND BACK uiferkghlujkfaghjfkgladhfajkg; i m fine 

i dont know what i wanna do after this point? it could go a lot of different ways?? but thoschei rights bitches. could go angst confrontation and then she abandons him in whatever century that was set bc wow i studied frankenstein in school but i couldnt tell you what century the author is from bc im dumb? 18th? maybe idk that seems likely? or 19th? but anyway yeah or maybe she’s just relieved someone else is alive? or is she shouting for answers or?? i dunno.... but woop ??? 

wow this turned into a big mess but hopefully you can kinda see where i wanna head with things? after this he’d probably show her the truth? i dunno how that’d go down, but he’d be there with her?? But anyway, this idea is free for anyone to write, but holla us a link and I'll give yall a free promo at the end of this post!!

Versions of this that yall Lovelies have blessed us with:

[strawnarrries]

can i make a request? love ur writting so much, and i've been thinking about Niall and y/n being interviewed, playing the 'never have i ever' game when they ask if they sometime had faked an orgasm and y/n struggles about what to answer, and the host notices and says 'oh-oh she's strongly doubting' and everyone in the forum (including Niall) goes like 'wow... whaaat?' an Niall is kind of upset/pissed because of it, till they finally talk about it and turns out it was'nt with him. love you honey.

this is such a cute idea i literally loved writing this thank you for requesting love! warning: mentions of sex obvi //

you and niall were both asked to be on ellen together and you both were super excited. the show itself was amazing. you and niall sat next to each other on the couch in front of a studio audience, talking and laughing with ellen. when she said that she wanted to play never have i ever with you two, butterflies erupted in your stomach. you’ve watched ellen’s show for years and have gotten to know ellen from the past couple times you’ve met her so you know how ellen is and you know she will do anything to get you to admit the craziest things on the internet. she can also see straight through people’s lies. you can’t anything past her so you were super nervous about playing this game. 

ellen handed you and niall a popsicle stick with laminated colored paper that had “i have” and “i have not” on either side. she explained the game to the audience a little bit before jumping right into it. she read the questions off of a stack of cards in her hands. the first couple questions were innocent and easy to answer but soon the questions got juicer. 

“okay next one, never have i ever faked an orgasm” ellen read off the card and your stomach dropped and you could feel your entire body heat up because you have faked an orgasm before. that’s not something you want the world know so you debated whether or not you should lie about it. niall immediately turned his stick to the “i have not” side and you hesitated turning yours to the “i have” but decided last minute to lie and say you havent. 

“oh oh oh, y/n no i see you’ - no i saw you debate which side to pick don’t lie” 

your face burnt bright red as she called you out and you just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out bc now the whole world knows you’ve faked an orgasm. 

“oh my gosh, ellen shut up” you giggled covering your face with hands, trying to brush it off and go along with the ‘joke’.

she continued to tease you and the whole time just felt like a blur bc of how embarrassed you were, “okay whatever, lets move on, next question please!” the audience and ellen giggled at your reaction, you were giggling too, but out of pure embarrassment. but ellen listened to your plea and the game continued.

once the show was over and you and niall were in your dressing room alone together, he decided to ask you about it, “so when were ya gonna tell me ya faked an orgasm?”

“i dunno it just never came up. its not something you just say out of nowhere” you replied, not really wanting to talk about it. 

“were ya just gonna hide it forever?”

“no, i-i don’t know, niall, I don’t wanna talk about it right now” you spat, getting upset about the whole situation bc you know youre gonna wake up to tabloids about this tomorrow morning.

“y/n no this is serious, we’re talking about this” his voice got stern and you rolled your eyes slightly

“why? its in the past i dont wanna think about it, its embarrassing” 

“embarrassing for you? how do you think it makes me feel?” he replied

“why does it matter? it literally has nothing to do with y- wait no, you think i faked it with you” you suddenly realized how bad this whole situation looked on niall and on you as a couple. you didnt even think twice that it 100% sounds like you faked it with niall 

“what?” he asked confused at your reaction 

“oh my gosh, no i made it look like i faked with you!” you began to freak out because now the whole world thinks you faked an orgasm with niall.

“you didnt?” he asked

“no baby no, it was with my ex a couple years ago! definitely not you, ive never ever faked it with you.” you explained walking up to him and taking his hands into yours. you could feel and see the relief wash over him 

“oh thank god, i was so scared i felt like an awful boyfriend” he sighed 

“no it wasn’t you, i will never ever fake it with you, i never have to fake it with you!” you kept reassuring him, feeling awful about the whole situation, “oh gosh and now the whole world thinks i faked it with you” 

“nah its okay” he hummed even tho deep down he was super nervous about that bc that looks so bad on him and its so embarrassing

“ill fix this okay, I promise, ill make sure everyone knows it was with my ex and not you” you spoke to him, secretly dreading the awkward note youll post later on your socials

“i love ya” he whispered, pulling you into his arms

“i love you too. im sorry about this whole thing” you hummed, sighing as his arms engulfed you and made you feel safe

“no need to be sorry hun, im just glad it was yer ex ya faked it with and not me” 

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