#the COOLest egg in town

[moylis3]

SUNNY :D

[ckret2]

Chapter 32 of human Bill is convinced he's the best prisoner ever and does not deserve this abuse from the Pines:

Bill gets his fingernails painted! 💅🌈✨ Look at his fingernails, I drew this week's picture just to show them off. They're fun.

Bill also gets bound to a magic poppet that can control his every move.

It's hilarious for Dipper and Mabel, but not for Bill.

The early morning still was broken by Stan's wails of despair.

At some point during the night, the egg-and-toilet-papering kids had come back to Stan's car.

And they'd brought rocks.

####

Bill woke up with a sheet tossed over him and a cupcake sitting on the window seat. The cupcake was pink with green frosting and decorated like a happy jack-o'-melon. It was sitting on top of a note:

"Sorry I didn't mention I had plans tonight! Robbie's mom made cupcakes for everyone so I grabbed you one. The music video's gonna be AMAZING! I'll show you when Robbie posts it!" Mabel had signed with a shooting star.

Bill decided he hadn't been mad at Mabel last night at all.

He battled gravity to heave himself vertical, trudged downstairs to the bathroom, stuck his face under the faucet until his mouth tasted less like sour sandpaper, agonizingly dragged himself back upstairs to his makeshift bed, and collapsed under the sheet to wait until his head stopped hammering.

####

Sprawled on the living room floor, Mabel said, "What should I draw?"

"Draw me." Bill was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, watching the news and nursing a glass of Mabel juice. In an effort to counteract the lingering queasiness from overdosing on sugar and chocolate, he'd spiked the juice with two ground-up Elderly 60+ Vitaman™ brand Man Vitamins (khaki flavor) stolen from a bottle that Ford had bought for Stan and that Stan forgot to take.

"Okay!" Mabel turned around and squinted up at Bill. "Strike a pose!"

"Not like this!" Bill shoved a hand in Mabel's face to force her to stop looking. "Draw me how I really look."

"Bill, that's illegal. Remember?" Mabel pointed at the TV. Bodacious T was reporting on a child who'd dressed up for Summerween as "that weird out-of-towner who bothered us last year, you know the one," and who, under the Never Mind All That Act, had been fined fifty pieces of candy. The child's mugshot showed his crying face, but blurred out his yellow costume.

"He'd be the coolest kid in town," Bill said, "if he wasn't such a crybaby in front of the cops. Draw me anyway."

"I don't wanna get arrested!"

"Do you see any cops?" Bill grinned. "Just don't sign your name, nobody will know it was you."

Mabel considered that. "I can sign it someone else's name." She pulled out a few crayons.

"That's what I'm talking about! Do anything you want forever and frame the innocent!"

"What do you want me to draw you doing?"

"The coolest thing you can think of."

Mabel considered that, and got to work.

The news was boring now. They were talking about the weather, and it wasn't even interesting weather. "So hey, you were gonna tell me about filming last night?"

"Oh yeah!" Mabel said. "Did I mention the part where the dead rose from their graves?"

Bill muted the TV. "And I missed it?"

Robbie had decided the cemetery at his place would be more atmospheric than the trick-or-treater-filled streets (and less likely to have their shots ruined by passersby that didn't appreciate the depth of Robbie's lyrics). It went great, until the vibrations of angsty rock-and-roll stirred the slumbering corpses and they clawed their way from their graves. It turned out Gravity Falls had been having off-and-on invasions of the undead for the past year, ever since somebody decided to reanimate every corpse in town for fun, Bill.

"You can't prove it was me, I'm not the only one who knows how to raise the dead!" Bill laughed. "Hey—you're not drawing this body, are you? You said you wouldn't."

"I'm not, I promise!"

"Then why do you keep staring at me?"

"Um."

"Let me see!"

"No! Don't ruin the surprise!" Mabel picked up a glitter pen with feathers glued to the end and waved them in Bill's face. "And no cheating with your eye-bleeding psychic magic!"

Bill smacked the pen away. "Fine! So what did you do with the zombies? Feed one of the teens to them?"

"No! I chewed like four packs of gum me and Dipper got from the weird homeless dentist and made a fake baby brain. We used it as bait to lead them into an open grave," Mabel said. "And then we realized we could use the brain to train them to do tricks! So now we have dancing zombies in the music video. They actually learned the choreography pretty easily."

"Makes sense," Bill said. "I did fill the space where their souls should be with an insatiable hunger to party."

Mabel grinned. "I thought you said they weren't your fault."

"If they're good at dancing, I'm taking credit!"

"They were pretty good—especially considering how many limbs they were missing," Mabel said. "I'll show you when Robbie's finished editing the video."

"And I'll get to see you playing a creepy ghost kid, right?"

"Yeah! We were the greatest ghosts ever! Check it out, we were like—" Mabel fixed Bill with a dead-eyed slack-jawed stare and whisper-sang, "'We're the things that you have lost. Childhood joy, dead as a ghost.'"

"Chills."

"Dipper tried so hard to get in character as a ghost that he completely zoned out for a minute! When we shook him out of it, he said he felt like he had an out-of-body experience!"

####

At his computer, Robbie clicked play on a clip of the twins standing side-by-side in front of the cemetery gate. As they sang the chorus, Dipper's face went still; and then a spectral gray form rose out of his head, still singing in sync with Mabel.

"Whoa," Robbie said. "Sick. I'm keeping that in."

####

"So, it turns out my bro is an expert method actor," Mabel boasted.

Bill thought back to Dipper drifting up and down the stairs in the middle of the night. "Yep. Sounds like he's got quite a talent."

Mabel set down her crayons and held out a paper. "Okay—what do you think?"

Bill accepted the drawing. "Am I riding on the back of a rocket ship?"

"Like a bucking bronco! See the rocket flames doing a loop?"

"Sure do. Why am I holding a fish bowl?"

"It's like a cowboy waving his hat, but, you're in space. So that's your astronaut helmet."

"It's beautiful," Bill said intensely. "It's the best thing I've ever seen."

"Aw, really? Thanks!"

"When I take over the universe, I'm rearranging the constellations to look like this."

"Don't do that, though."

"Fine, but I'm hanging it up in my throne room." Bill set down his empty glass so he could hold the picture with both hands, beaming at it as proudly as though he'd made it himself. Big change from his lukewarm reception of her house drawing yesterday. She should draw Bill more often. Being a good artist meant understanding what your audience wanted.

Unfortunately, now that she'd finished her drawing, she didn't have anything to distract her from staring at Bill. And she'd taken about as much of seeing him as she could stand. "Bill. I say this with non-judgmental love. But you look sooo terrible."

"Yeah, I know. I think I'm shaped about as nicely as a human could ask for," he pantomimed drawing a triangle in front of his torso, "but let's be real, there's only so much you can do when you're working with a human bone structure. And there's way too much neck—"

"No! Bill, your body is beautiful just the way it is, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I meant your hair looks awful."

Bill had taken a shower yesterday morning, emerged with his hair all wet and tangled, and done absolutely nothing to detangle it. And then, with it still half damp and totally disheveled, he'd shoved it under a cheap acrylic wig for the rest of the night. And then he'd fallen asleep on the floor still wearing the wig.

And now, with the wig removed, his hair looked like a bird had plucked out half a scarecrow's straw brains and made a nest out of it.

"It sure does," Bill said, with the slightly forlorn air of someone complaining about a war in a far-off country over which one had no power.

"So brush it!"

"No. Never. You can't make me."

"Why not? I thought you wanted to keep your hair all triangly!"

"Not enough to touch it. Either it'll figure out how to straighten out on its own or it won't, I'm not messing with it. I've got enough going on in my life today." By which he meant he had the last lingering traces of a hangover, which was a valid excuse to get out of all social, moral, and aesthetic obligations.

Mabel groaned in frustration. "I can't take looking at it anymore! If you won't brush it, can I?"

Bill gave her a skeptical look; but then he flung his hands out dismissively. "Sure, why not? If it bothers you so much. Have at it."

"I'll be right back!"

She got her brush from upstairs and a spray bottle from the kitchen, and directed Bill to sit on the floor so she could get on the couch behind him. After making such a fuss about brushing his hair, Bill was surprisingly well-behaved with somebody else brushing it for him. He didn't even complain when Mabel accidentally yanked on some nasty snarls a little harder than she meant to.

"I feel like a corpse getting prettied up for my funeral," Bill said. "Grooming each other is how humans bond, isn't it? This is one of your little social rituals? If all you wanted was to make sure we're still friends after you ditched me last night, you could have just asked."

Mabel shoved her foot between Bill's shoulder blades. Wise guy. She joked, "Yeah! We're bonding now! After this we're gonna paint each other's fingernails and talk about what kind of boys we like."

"I want rainbow spiral fingernails."

Mabel really should be used to this—but she still kept getting surprised that Bill was interested in the stuff she liked. And not even in a patronizing sure-I'll-play-along way. He'd turned to look at her. There was a gleam in his eyes. He really wanted rainbow spiral fingernails.

And now she wanted rainbow spiral fingernails, too. "Fine! But look forward until I finish your hair." One way or another, Mabel vowed, she would reform Bill into a proper good guy—even if she had to drag him there kicking and screaming. Fun dress-up partners were hard to find, and she couldn't afford to lose Bill.

####

Soos wandered to the living room to find somewhere to hang up his and Melody's "Best Couple Cosplay" award, but stopped in the doorway.

Bill, Mabel, and Waddles were sitting on the floor, watching some kind of cartoon psychedelic fairy princess lecture a spider on the importance of colors, with a bowl of popcorn between them. Bill and Mabel both had bright multicolor fingernails and were eating the popcorn with chopsticks to avoid touching their nails. There was more popcorn on the floor than in the bowl. Waddles had taken no such cares to avoid dragging his freshly painted hooves through the carpet. 

"Truth or dare," Bill said.

"Dare!"

"Dare you to assassinate the..." Bill trailed off. "I can't have the mayor assassinated, he runs Rainbow Club. And the sheriff and deputy invited me... There aren't a lot of public officials in this dumb town, are there?"

"I'm not killing anybody, Bill. Truth."

"Fine, coward. What's your favorite toxic fume fragrance?"

"That's easy! Gasoline!"

"Hey, mine too! At least on this planet. It smells like—you know that smell that heralds the coming of rain? Gasoline is the smell that heralds a really fun time."

"Yeah! Like going on a road trip!"

Bill paused. "Right! I was... I was definitely thinking about road trips. That's exactly what I meant."

Mabel added, "And it looks so cool when there's a little bit spilled in a parking spot—"

"The rainbow puddles! Yes! Big fan of the rainbow puddles—"

"I love parking lot rainbow puddles! It's like surprise happiness in the most boring place on the planet!"

Soos mumbled, "Girl talk," decided to hang his award up later, and left.

####

Dipper heard the bedroom door open and Mabel call, "Hey Dipper!"

"Hey." He didn't look up from his journal, where he was documenting last night's zombie adventures. "Oh, hey, bad news—Wendy said she got a text from Robbie, it sounds like all the footage from the cemetery last night is ruined?"

"Aww! What? But we worked so hard to train those zombies!"

"Yeah, it's just static. But everything we shot outside the gates is fine. I wonder if it's something supernatural that interferes with electronics?"

"Something supernatural? In the cemetery? Full of zombies? What are the odds of that!" Mabel laughed. "But heyyy, I've got some good news!"

"What?"

Mabel stuck a hairbrush full of gold hair between Dipper's face and his journal. "I got a replacement for the Bill hair sample we gave Pacifica!" She grinned and whispered, "Wanna make a poppet?"

####

It would have been really cool if the first full moon of summer vacation had come on Summerween. But the calendar gods were unkind that year, and instead, it came the next day, on June 23.

Which worked out, in the end, since it meant they didn't have any scheduling conflicts on the one night they could make a poppet.

They had the ritual space set up in their bedroom—a chalk star drawn on the floor with a black candle at each point—and the doll representing Bill—which Mabel had upgraded with button eyes and a miniature version of his favorite knit hoodie. They collected all the shed blonde strands off Mabel's hairbrush, wrapped them around the doll's neck, and tied them on. They set the doll in the center of the star; Bartholomew talked them through the ritual; the flames on the candles leaped a foot in the air, turned a pale blue, and then went out; and the binding ritual was complete. The doll was now connected to Bill Cipher.

"Weird," Bartholomew said. "Usually the flames turn black. I've never seen them turn blue before."

Dipper said, "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, no. I've just never used the binding ritual on an alien before! I guess it works a little different!"

Dipper picked up the doll and eyed it skeptically. "Mabel, I know we said we're saving this for emergencies only, but—maybe we should test it out just to make sure it actually works?"

"I guess we should," Mabel said, grimacing. "Just—don't do anything that'd hurt him. Okay?"

Yeah, Dipper should've expected that. Whether he liked it or not, Mabel didn't just see Bill as her weird experiment in criminal rehabilitation—she saw him as her friend. He sighed. "Okay. But is it fine if we do something that would embarrass him?"

Mabel shrugged. "I don't see why not!"

####

As they crept from their room, Mabel whispered, "What if we stick him in a box and shake it up? And then tell him there was an earthquake!"

"I thought you were the one who didn't want to hurt him."

"Oh right."

Bill wasn't on his cushions under the window, so they crept downstairs. Halfway down, Dipper stopped, putting a hand on Mabel's arm. Bill was sitting at the kitchen table, chin in his hand, staring out the window.

"This is perfect," he whispered. "He's completely vulnerable. He's got his back to us, he's looking at the moonlight—even if he turns around, he won't see us because his eyes will have to readjust to the dark."

"I don't know if his eyes need to adjust," Mabel said. "Have you ever noticed he never turns the lights on when he goes into a room?"

Dipper considered that. He hadn't noticed—but now that Mabel mentioned it, Bill did have a tendency to lurk in the dark. "Well—okay, but he's still not looking at us. Let's see how this works..." He studied the doll; then turned it around and gently brushed a finger through its yarn hair.

For a moment, nothing happened; and then Bill swatted at the back of his head and looked around, as if he was trying to find what had touched him.

"I think it's working," Dipper hissed.

"Are you sure? What if there's actually a fly in the kitchen?"

Could be. "Let me see if it can control him."

"Careful—"

Dipper grabbed one of the doll's arms and tentatively lifted it.

Bill's arm shot up. He stared at it in bafflement. "Wh...?"

Mabel bit her lip. Dipper waved the doll's arm.

Bill's arm waved. After a pause, he tentatively asked, "Hello?" As if he thought maybe his arm was waving at someone and he should play along with it.

Mabel and Dipper clapped their hands over their mouths, fighting to keep their giggles quiet. Mabel elbowed Dipper, "Hey Dipper Dipper Dipper, get him to stand up, let me control his legs, I have the best idea—"

Bill knocked over his chair and had to flail his arms for balance as he abruptly jerked to his feet. He looked around, eyes wide and wild, an edge of panic to his voice as he hollered, "WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Dipper held the doll out to Mabel. "Okay hurry!" Mabel took it by the legs—

—and Bill started doing the cancan. He shrieked. "WHAT?!"

Dipper shoved his shirt over his mouth to muffle his hysterics. Mabel was letting little wheezy squeaks out through her nose. Bill's voice was almost an octave higher as he screamed, "WHEN I FIND OUT WHO'S BEHIND THIS, I'M GONNA SHRED YOU—" and they both got so close to bursting laughing out loud that they had to pause to punch each other's shoulders for self control.

Still holding one of the doll's legs up, Mabel hissed, "Dipper do you remember the bottle dance. Where they crouch down with bottles on their heads. Can we—can we get a tiny bottle for the doll—"

Bill was failing both arms to avoid falling with one foot held in the air. He grabbed the counter for balance. And then, with a grunt of effort, he wrenched his foot down and stomped it to the ground.

The doll's leg yanked out of Mabel's hand.

Dipper and Mabel fell silent, staring at the doll. They looked at each other. Mabel whispered, "It shouldn't be able to do that, right?"

They looked at Bill.

Bill's face was burning red, and he was so far past fury that his expression was perfectly blank. His eyes were huge, and round, and pointed straight at them.

They bolted up the stairs.

Bill charged after them.

They screamed in terror. They weren't loud enough to drown out Bill: "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU BRATS—"

Mabel grabbed Dipper's arm. "Dipper, do something!"

"Uhh—!" He tossed the doll in the air and caught it.

They heard an alarmed yelp as Bill was launched in the air and then a crash as he landed on the stairs again.

They scrambled into their room and slammed the door. "Safe!" Mabel said.

"Yeah," Dipper said, panting for breath. "Can't get us here."

The doll's head twisted 180 degrees to stare up at them.

They yelped. Dipper tossed the doll to Mabel. Mabel held it out at arm's length, threw it in her nightstand's drawer, and slammed it. It tried to open again and she leaned against it with her full body weight. "Dipper, the duct tape! In my craft supplies!"

"Which craft supplies?!"

The tiny knocking inside the drawer was echoed by the pounding at the door, accompanied by a string of creative death threats: "—and when I'm finished the coroner won't know which corpse was which! I'll make a belt out of your spinal columns—!"

"We didn't do anything," Mabel shouted, "it wasn't our fault!" She took the duct tape from Dipper and frantically wrapped it around the night stand. Dipper added, "It was someone else! And we'll never do it again—"

Sleepy and muffled, Soos's voice drifted through the door, "Dudes? What's all the hubbub?"

Dipper and Mabel gasped, "Soos!" "Save us!"

His voice the perfect tone of righteous indignation, Bill declared, "I'm being assaulted, that's what!"

Stan's voice joined in from downstairs: "BILL! If you don't leave those kids alone I'll cave your nose in!"

"THEY'RE THE AGGRESSORS," Bill screamed, half hysterical. "They are! I'm the victim here! I'm being victimized!"

Stan shouted, "Kids, good work! Bill, you can go to—" He grumbled as he self-censored, "—sleep! Shut up and go to sleep!"

"You can go jump in the bottomless pit, Stanley Pines! I'll tear you all apart with my teeth if I have to! NOBODY in this stupid junk heap of a shack is getting any sleep until I get my—"

From just outside the attic door, Stan roared, "BILL!"

There was a dull thud as Bill leaned against their door; a lot less shouty, he quickly said, "I'm going to bed, I'm going to bed, I'm going to bed."

"That's what I thought," Stan snapped. The kids heard his footsteps retreating downstairs. Soos said, "Um... night," and his door shut. After a moment, there was the creak of footsteps retreating from the attic door.

Dipper and Mabel slowly, softly snuck across the room to the door, and pressed their ears to the crack. No sound.

They stayed there for several minutes, barely breathing, listening to the silence.

Finally, Mabel pulled away and looked at Dipper. They both nodded, and Dipper opened the door a crack to check if the coast was clear.

Bill's eye stared in. "Hey, kids!"

They yelled. Dipper tried to slam the door; but Bill had already shoved his hand through. Fingernails painted with neon colors and black spirals clawed at the doorframe. He shouldered through the gap in the door, and then he was in the room, smiling much too wide and eyes fixed on them like helicopter spotlights on two wanted criminals. There was blood on his teeth. "Wow! Playing with poppets?"

Dipper upturned his suitcase and held it up like a shield. Mabel pointed a can of spray paint at Bill's face. Bill took a step closer and they took a step back.

"Pretty advanced trick for a couple of children your age," Bill said conversationally. "Not bad, not bad at all. Heck, I'm impressed you pulled it off! Although you didn't make a very smart choice of test subject." He stomped a foot twice.

Something in the nightstand thudded twice. The twins jumped. Bill laughed at them.

Mentally cursing himself for having flinched, Dipper straightened his back and glared at Bill. "You're just mad you got jerked around like a puppet! What's the matter, Bill—you can dish it but you can't take it?" Mabel looked at Dipper like he was crazy.

Bill's indulgent smile cracked, dropping into a snarl of rage. He shifted his weight toward them. Mabel dropped into a judo stance and Dipper sucked in a breath to shout for Stan.

Before anyone could launch a full attack, Mabel took a shaky breath in, forced a nervous smile, and said, "Bill, hey..." (His eyes snapped to her face like a predator that just heard a twig snap.) "This was—just a funny prank, and we're all cool? Right?"

"Mabel," Dipper muttered. "Shhh!"

But Mabel kept looking at Bill. "Right? Buddies?" She held up her arm, showing Bill her friendship bracelet.

Bill stopped and rocked back on his heels. He gave Mabel a long, hard look—like he was seriously considering whether to accept the reality she was inventing. "Yeah. Real funny." Smiling through grit teeth, he said, "You know—it's been a while since I've had my energy strung between two vessels. I didn't even know what that experience felt like for a human! Very interesting. Educational. And it was nice to feel weightless again for a second. Even if the landing was a little rough." He licked the blood off his teeth. One of the teeth shifted. "So—thanks so much for spicing up a boring night. It's been a real blast. Hasn't it." He stared at them like he expected an answer—and possibly like he planned to strangle whoever answered first.

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look. Dipper shook his head slightly. Mabel looked Bill in the eyes again. "Yeah! Big blast. So, you're not... mad. Right? Nobody's mad!"

Bill stared her down for a moment longer; and then said, "Sure, kid! It's all fun and games!" He forced a laugh—and then another, longer one, hahhh, like he was exhaling all his rage. And just like that, he was back to normal. "I'll admit it—for a second there, you almost got me good! Not bad at all." He held out his hand insistently. "And now the game's over, so you're gonna give me that toy so I can neutralize it. Aren't you?"

Dipper bit his lip, looking past Bill toward the stairs. He could yell for Stan; there was no way Bill could kill them before reinforcements got here—

Mabel elbowed Dipper's side and whispered, "We can't keep it."

And she was right. Now that Bill knew about the doll, he'd be spending all his time plotting how to get past them to take it, and they wouldn't have a second's peace. Either he got it now, or he got it later. Bill wouldn't rest until the doll was out of their hands.

Because he was terrified of it. Why wouldn't he be?

"Yeah," Dipper sighed. "Game over."

"I'll get it." Mabel peeled just enough duct tape off the night stand to wiggle it open a crack and try to squeeze her fingers in. Bill stretched his hand toward Mabel, and the doll stretched an arm out of the drawer. Mabel flinched in surprise, but grabbed the arm and yanked the doll free.

"Ow." Bill grabbed his shoulder and rolled it gingerly. "Careful, kid, are you trying to dislocate my arm? I don't mind popping it back in, but eventually that socket's gonna wear out."

"Sorry! It was a tight squeeze." She held the doll over Dipper's suitcase shield. "Here."

Bill snatched it from her hand. "Thanks a million, star girl." He favored them both with his most nearly-charming, far-too-wide smile. "Good night, kiddos. Have sweet dreams."

"You too," Mabel said weakly.

Bill left. Dipper shut the door. He and Mabel both heaved a sigh of relief.

From the loft over the attic, Bartholomew called, "Is he gone?"

"What are you doing up there?" Mabel asked. "Barty-mew-mew the scaredy-cat."

"I'm not fighting that guy, I'm porcelain and he's crazy."

Dipper flopped on his bed and stared at the ceiling. "Welp. I'm gonna have nightmares about Bill chasing me up the stairs."

Mabel sat on her own bed. "He just wanted to terrify us. And to keep us from seeing we'd terrified him." She fingered the star beads on her friendship bracelet. "He wouldn't have hurt us, I'm sure of it."

"Wh—seriously? You don't think Bill—"

"I know! But he's changed a tiny bit! He'd hurt anyone else, but he won't hurt us," Mabel said. "Or—well, me, at least. But I think he'll leave you alone too if I'm with you!"

Dipper pushed himself up on his elbows to look at her. "If he'd caught us on the stairs, do you really think he wouldn't have tried to tear us apart?"

Mabel considered that; and then reluctantly admitted, "He wouldn't hurt me as long as he remembers he doesn't want to hurt me." 

"Yeah, well. I wouldn't count on him remembering when he's mad." Dipper slid under his covers and rolled over. "Barty, can you get the lights?"

"Sure, one second." All the lights and lamps in the room flickered ominously; and then, with a sinister pop, snapped off without being touched.

"Thanks, man."

Mabel didn't climb into bed. She was staring at her fingernails. She'd painted them the same colors as Bill's; but she'd used a black marker to draw spirals on his, and he'd drawn stars and sloppy tiger stripes on hers.  In the dark, the colors were all faded.

This time, just once, maybe she and Dipper were the bad guys. He might disagree—he'd actually been puppeted, maybe he saw this differently from Mabel—but that probably didn't make it okay to do it back to Bill just for fun. They should've saved the poppet for an emergency. And the cancan, she decided, was definitely too much.

She smoothed out her covers; then she pulled up her knees to her chest, hugged them, and stared thoughtfully down at Bill's face in the middle of her zodiac blanket.

####

In the dark and quiet of the downstairs bathroom, Bill sat cross-legged on the toilet lid. He held the doll in his cupped hands. Soon, he'd disassemble it—but not yet. Tonight, it was his tool. He shut his eyes and focused on it.

There was the thinnest thread of energy, channeled through his shed hair, connecting this doll to him. He studied the thread, feeling it in his mind, exploring it, strengthening it—until he could almost feel it tugging on him.

And then he started psychically groping for similar connections.

He set the doll on the floor, on top of the drawing Mabel had given him.

His other eyes—the billions of depictions of his face scattered across this planet—weren't meant to be used in this dimension. They were designed like windows he could peer through from the Nightmare Realm; here on Earth, he was on the wrong side of the windows to see through them. And he wouldn't be surprised if the Axolotl had somehow found a way to blindfold them on top of that—after all, he seemed to have done the same to most of Bill's other abilities.

But Bill was resourceful, he was stubborn, and he didn't have anything better to do.

He focused all his energy on trying to feel the drawing the same way he felt the doll, searching for a connection between this body and that face—and he searched, and searched, and searched.

He wasn't sure how long he tried. At least a couple of hours. Straining, straining—for nothing. His head hurt.

What was the difference? The doll was shaped like him, the drawing was shaped like him. What did the doll have that the drawing didn't?

The hair. A bit of his flesh.

Bill knelt over the picture, studying it in the dark. He opened an eye wide, wiped a fingertip across the surface of his eyeball to collect his tears, and pressed it to the drawing's eye.

He could feel a thread of energy stringing from his eye to the paper.

He climbed back on the toilet lid, shut his eyes, and focused on that thread. With an effort that threatened to split his head in two, he pried open his inner eye. And then he was staring up at his own human form from the drawing on the floor.

His body was shaking. His head was throbbing. He wobbled dizzily on the toilet; and as he saw himself topple off, his trance broke, the vision disappeared, and he blacked out. White spots burst behind his eyes.

When he next opened an eye, the room was spinning. He shut his eye. It was several minutes before he could sit up without being sick. He leaned against the wall and let the sweat on his forehead and cheek soak the old wallpaper.

The white spots he'd seen as he passed out were his distant all-seeing eyes. 

He'd done something tonight. That was good. But there was no way he was seeing through any other pictures like that. He needed something he could focus his power through, like an antenna.

He needed gold.

####

(Last chapter of the year!! If you enjoyed, I'd love to hear y'all's thoughts & comments! Thanks!)

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

the idea of a "not zombie plague" at the hotel.... what an effing comedy it could be...

thanks @sunsetcougar and @insert-funny-name-here69 for making me picture it XD

Vaggie comes back from Cannibal Town snuffling, no big deal, maybe it's all those feathered hats and fur stoles (sUSaN) or nice flowers or whatever. Vaggie goes to bed like normal, wakes up the next day GROANING, stiff and grumpy and shuffling around the hotel

Oh no!- Charlie the protective gf cries- what if there's some hellborn illness angels are weak towards??? It's time to physically carry Vaggie back to bed for rest (and keep doing that a few times until it sticks and she puts Razzle on guard at the door) (also print out and past their room's windows with pics of her own pleading pout so Vaggie won't try flying to freedom again) (and crashing again)

well this is kinda a weird and kinda funny for the rest of the hotel... until the Symptoms start to spread

sneezing is the first stage, the infection fun, a sign you've already got it, but everyone wants to blame Susan and Susan's specific perfectly matching (aka hostile harsh and annoying) choice of perfume lingering around the hotel, so they all (not vaggie) (vaggie thinks susan is The Coolest) just walk around sneezing and yelling "FUCK YOU SUSAN" afterwards instead of "bless you" or whatever

loss of appetite isn't that big a deal at first- between the guy with the drug addiction, his friend also with a drug addiction, an alcoholic, a tiny woman who can fill up on a single ritz cracker, a guy who eats rotting dear corpses, a pig who regularly gets his appetite spoiled with treats, an egg boi who doesn't know what he eats without his boss around to tell him, a goat demon stuffie hell bent on only consuming doughnuts, a demon princess too busy singing and scheming happiness plans to do things like SLEEp never mind EAT, her girlfriend who will care about stuff like hunger once everything else is taken care of and not a second before, an the KING of hell who hasn't even had an appetite for LIFE in ages.... no one notices the lack of eating going on at first, until it's Too Late

stiffness and aching of the joints has everyone complaining when it hits tho. Angel Dust is pissed it got in the way of his performance. Husk feels old again and gets grumpy when he gets called old man which makes him even MORE grumpy. Niffty enjoys it for 4 minutes until it throws off her rat kill rate. Alastor pretends to feel nothing but every time he moves there's a horrible CRACK from any and all bending joints and Cherri finds him stiffly stuck in a chair a least once. Cherri is the best off bc she mainly just feels like she got blown up and is used to it. Vaggie is having flash backs to the pain and weakness right after losing her first wings- Charlie wants to help but is hunched over so far she regularly rests her chin on Vaggie's head and doesn't have the energy to drag her back to bed. Lucifer is ACTUALLY hobbling around using his cane, snapping to false casualness whenever someone looks his way, secretly using a rubber duck as a stress ball. They grudgingly agree they can't blame this one on Susan (actually...) and migrate to the lobby as a group, trying to figure out what KIND of hell bug they've somehow caught.

Now is where the loss of appetite finally gets notices. Vaggie dragged out some food for the war council and NO ONE can stand even LOOKING at it. there are, however, at lot of OTHER looks going around....

Husk edges away from Angel, who's eying him even more hungrily than usual but without any of the sultriness. Niffty scuttling past gets his attention and makes his tail do the little pre-pound wiggle as he sinks his claws into the sofa to keep from FOR REAL pouncing. Cherri is staring at her bestie Angel Dust and gritting her many sharp teeth at the hallucination that he's limbs are actually full of drugs. Alastor's eye is twitching, the hotel gusts all having taken on the shape of deer carcasses from his point of view. Lucifer is fine until he looks over at Vaggie- he looks away instantly and shoves his ducky in his mouth to BITE, panics, yanks it free again, and when he looks down it's morphed into a stylized duck version of Vaggie with bite marks. Vaggie has gone dead quiet and is staring at her future father in law, clutching her spear, mentally roasting him over hellfire on a spit in her mind's eye.

Charlie sees all this happening like what is going ON guys, why are you all acting so... sooooo............Hm. Charlie wonders aloud if Razzle, Dazzle, and the Egg Boi have always had such a close resemblance to juicy little roast chickens?

Then Niffty bites Husk's tail and the hotel is overrun from the inside

it's not a ZOMBIE plague- it's CANNIBAL FLU- and now sinners are chasing sinners down the halls with knives and forks, Charlie is trying NOT to eat the little hellborn as they try and fail to nibble on her lanky limbs, and Vaggie and Lucifer-

there is a new hole in the hotel where Vaggie tackled her future dad in law through the roof and now anyone looking the hotel has great view of them both snarling, circling each other in the air, spitting out mouthfulls of feathers from successfully blocking each other's bites while failing to to grab any FLESH with their own

Thankfully Rosie had finally gotten wind of Vaggie leaving with a 'slight head cold' last time and waltzes over just in time to toss some of her best stock into the hotel, a fine selection of sinner, hellborn, and even some leftover angel steaks from the battle, smartly distracting the hotel crew from hunting and tearing into each other instead

One very upsetting but ENERGETIC meal later, the blankly traumatized (and blood spattered) hotel crew huddle in groups back in the over turned lobby, listening as Rosie assures them the worst is over and they should be good as gore by tomorrow morning!

Alastor politely informs Roise that the mention of gore at just that moment might not have been the BEST choice of words

right on cue, Husk starts making hairball noises, and everyone else looks suddenly sick

Vaggie sighs, patting her gf on the back as Charlie tearfully hugs Razzle after having had her jaw unhinged in preparation of swallowing him whole when Rosie made her timely arrival (Razzle forgives her, he was planning to try devouring her from the inside out or die trying) (meanwhile Charlie had put both Fatty Nuggets and the Egg Boi on a frying pan and was preparing to have a nice cozy ghibli-style family meal- of friendship. literally. of friends)

-alright, Vaggie gives in, fine. Just one time I'll say it too.... Who do we blame for all this?

SUSAN everyone growls

this reminds Rosie to pass out the "shove your groaning up your asses" cards Susan made for all of them, which are, of course, scented

Vaggie sneezes at the scent and there's a stampede as everyone not wildly in love with her tries to run and save themselves

cannibal flu. it puts the "i" in cannibal as in that's what it makes YOU

cannibals are immune to this party bc they would barely even notice if they had it, for them, it's just suddenly turning into picky eater for a few days until the craving is satisfied :3 sometimes with your next door neighbor but really, isn't that what neighbors are for~?

(charlie falls into bed that night, exhausted, only to look around at a strange chewing noise)

(it's vaggie. on the window seat, hunched over with wings huddled around herself, looking up frozen in the act of gnawing on lute's torn off and left behind arm)

Vaggie: ".... Susan sent it over for me, special."

Charlie: "Uh huh."

Vaggie: "I'm not sick anymore! I just, was kinda curious..."

Charlie: "Vaggie, I support you biting the arm of the woman who tore out your eye. And you look great smeared with angelic blood." (pouting) "....but can you be cannibal curious in the morning and snuggle with me now?"

Vaggie: (tossing lute's arm into the bathroom) "Always, sweetie."

Charlie: "Mmm gooood. Now kisses!"

Vaggie: "Shit wait, I should wash my mouth-"

Charlie: "Or not?"

Vaggie: "..not?"

Charlie: "I'm kinda curious too~"

and thus was Susan's cannibal propaganda successfully spread, by the power of gay love, and how hot the demon princess of hell thinks it is when her angel girlfriend is spattered with someone else's blood

[corporatefrog]

꒦‧₊ ꒷ Team Stan w/ a reader who can shapeshift into animals! [Headcannons] ✧.*

✧.* tags: college au, superhero au,

✧.* Charactions: kyle broflovski, stan marsh, kenny mccormick, butters scotch

a/n: this is an old request but i think i was able to get pretty silly with it

masterlist

Kyle

FLYING TOGETHER PLEASE

Imagine soaring through the sky with fucking human kite

And being such a better flyer than him

Literally cliche flying through the clouds and kyle traces his hands through them 

“Stop going so high! I can’t gain altitude that fast!”

“Uh… lame power? Get better? Don’t be a human kite?”

“I fucking hate you.”

“SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU AIR PRESSURE TOO LOUD”

Yall probably fight really well together 

He thinks up the plans and you shapeshift and attack

Dynamic duo vibes fr

DROPPING IN ON A VILLAIN FROM ABOVE 

BLOCKING OUT THE SUN OR SOME SHIT

Coolest duo 

Stan

“Dude I TOLD YOU not to go in the radioactive lake”

“Oh… I thought that was code for go into the radioactive lake”

“In what world is telling you not to do something code for doing it?”

“Uh- YOU CANT CONTROL ME I CAN TURN INTO A BIRD NOW”

Tries to not be impressed because he’s supposed to be annoyed 

But he thinks its so fucking cool

Lowkey wanted that to be his power if he could choose anything

After the veal thing he volunteered at animal shelters 

This is real because I said so let me be delusional 

Asks you to turn into a cat and talk to the other cats to make sure they don’t hate him

Because ferguson always glares at him from the corner and he is NOT interested in being attacked by a bunch of pissed cats

Convinced they’re scheming against him

Still mad at you for going into the radioactive lake though

Kenny

He cannot comprehend it

Like you try explaining it to him and it is just NOT clicking

The only thing that works is telling him it’s like Beast Boy from Teen Titans

“Oh so you can shapeshift into animals while still regaining your consciousness?”

“I literally said that fifteen times- You anger me so much every day.”

Wants to make the teen titans

He is robin (obviously)

Probably has the costume from halloween a few years back

PLEASE turn into a bear and pretend to fight him

He wants to say he fought a bear

And cartman bet him $100 that he couldn’t 

Choreographs an entire battles scene in the middle of town

Because it’s not like south park animal control actually does anything

Kenny now owes you 10 favors that can be cashed in whenever needed

Butters

Turning into a tiger whenever he gets bullied and scaring the shit out of whoever is bothering him

(usually it's eric)

Or turning into a little puppy whenever he’s sad 

“Everything alright, butters?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“So you don’t want me to turn into a husky and play with a frisbee?”

“Well you didn’t mention that. That changes everything!”

Just being his lil animal buddy

Turning into an elephant walking to a doctors appointment to get there in like 2 seconds

If he’s professor chaos, he refuses to attack when you’re an animal

It’s animal abuse 🙁

He’ll punch you in the face as a person but he REFUSES to hit a cat

Even if you’re a mountain lion lunging at him

Heart of gold fr

Overall

NO ONE TELLS CARTMAN

A rat got into his sock drawer and ripped holes in all of them?

What a shame :( so sorry that happened to you

Suddenly all of his clothes have cat piss on them

How could that have happened??? Poor poor eric

What do you mean you’ve found spider webs everywhere but no spiders? Hopefully there aren’t spider eggs everywhere. That would be terrible.

Really just looking for excuses to ruin cartman’s day

[cool-person-yey]

Update on Cool Ranch y'all

So with the 1.6 update, I'm back on my stardew valley addiction

and I thought, why not make that everyone else's problem?

seriously now, it's been so long since I've played so I'm basically relearning everything, I'll be documenting my experience here, I want to make this a weekly thing— not saying I'll be able to but I'll try— all the posts will be tagged with The Coolest Ranch In Stardew Valley, so you guys can block the tag if you want.

anyways, enough explainations let's get to the actual cool things I did!

First of all, LOOK AT MY CHICKS!!!!!

I'll just leave their names the default ones, but for the next animals I may do a poll or something

:)

on the new farm we receive 15 hay instead of 15 parsnip seeds, but it felt kinda wrong to start stardew valley without planting my dear 3X5 retangle and planting the seeds, so I bought some

I'm one of the feel players that actually likes??? fishing???? and that's what I did for most of the first couple days. That and speaking to Maru, since I'm going to romance her this time.

got all this stuff in the museum

community center!!!! obv I'm going on this route fuck Joja

COOL STUFF MENTION!!!11!!!11!!1! also why am I getting advertisements on my mail i hate it there

a cat appears! I'm letting you guys pick the name for the next animals, but I'm sorry I just had to name him...

( Jonathan Sims didn't fit and Jon Sims didn't felt right idk. Also it's an overused joke I know I know, but I had to)

cool hat I found while chopping down trees

first time I'm doing remixed bundles and this was the first different one! doesn't seem that hard tbh

I was wondering what the lil balloon in the calendar meant, i couldn't buy any of the books now but next time he's in town I'll buy some they're plenty useful

built a Silo!

Robin's axe!

Egg Hunt! I got 10 eggs and won :D also bought like 40 strawberry seeds, they give lots of gold and are one of Maru's loved gifts so win-win

best part of the update

I lied. THIS is the best part of the update actually

Welp, that was my week ig. I didn't do a lot of stuff cuz I was pretty busy most of the time but I still did some pretty cool things. I'm at level 6 fishing and on level 35 of the mines, and have 2 hearts with Maru already!

see y'all next week ( hopefully)

[wsthproduction]

Hello! This is your invitation to a real-time online event happening February 27th to March 3rd for a website ARG blending slice of life, horror, and comedy with nerdy media galore. I humbly ask for you to just check out Weird Stuff That Happens. It's free — no ads, no BS, just my experimental web series and story experience. If you like Homestar Runner, Marble Hornets, Hypnospace Outlaw, or anything else with cool internet secrets, WSTH may interest you.

Weird Stuff That Happens is an ARG (alternate reality game) in the form of a variety fun fact blog website owned by a young webmaster, Thomas "Tomtab" Bennedetto and run by the site moderation crew. Among them are Tom's childhood friends: Mouse, a quiet but witty English major; David, the coolest dude Tom knows; and Ariel, a sugary sweet dynamo. Joining them are Tom's new friends: the enigmatic Calexta, aloof programmer Joey, and Pim — a pompous heckler turned ironic website nemesis. Tom, David, Mouse, Joey, Cal and Ariel all live in the curious fictional town of Cranesbill, Georgia. A strange air seems to linger there, touched with odd occurrences, strange secrets, and mythical mysteries.

Unbeknownst to most, Tom pours his heart and soul into the website to distract himself from a dark, heavy secret: Tom was attacked by something eldritch inside a VHS tape as a child. And the evil residing in that tape is still out to get him. Lucky for him, Cal miraculously knows how to deter supernatural monsters and other paranormal activity— but Cal's magic has its limits.

The dawn of March 7th, 2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the grotesque VHS creature attacking Tom. It approaches with each passing day, and Tom knows this date is gonna majorly suck eggs. What he doesn’t know is that his old assailant is already planning to infiltrate the one place he thought he was safe…

WSTH is an ongoing ARG with arcs, but you don't have to read the full shebang before shit hits the fan for poor Tom — assuming you don't just want to work backwards from the carnage. There are just a few specific pages that might give the series a little more context, and for you, a little more insight:

Character list (Link)

Tom's Dream Journal (Link)

Finch House Investigation (Part 1)/(Part 2)

Valentine's event (Link)

Out-of-kayfabe Discord (Link)

This March arc, without spoiling too much, will make Tom face his worst fears and completely warp the website. There will be a number of cool ARG puzzles spanning the site mid-event and the site's status quo will be altered permanently.

I would like to thank everyone who has helped me get this far in the project, and I hope you all enjoy the efforts put forth by myself and those I'm honored to have a helping hand from.

Are you ready for things to get really weird?

[discordiansamba]

spitballing some more about the Mer AU because I can. it's my blog and I make the rules.

I like to imagine that before Hunk and Lance can even like, consistently communicate with each other, they've already established a tradition I would like to call 'bring the other the coolest thing they can find and show them off'. Show and tell but it's a human and a merman.

Hunk introduces Lance to human cuisine. Lance brings Hunk fish in return, which Hunk brings to his parents. He got them from his friend Lance! :)

Hunk's mom, unsuspecting: Oh, Hunk must have befriended a fisherman's son.

The town of Plaht City is actually relatively close knit, so when Keith goes missing after his father's death, everyone goes looking for him. No one thinks to look in the ocean.

Heath was originally from out of town. He's a marine researcher who lives on a remote piece of property on the beach, complete with a recovery pool for injured marine life housed in a shack he built on the water. The townsfolk hear rumors that he has a partner, but no one ever meets her. One day he comes into town with a son.

I think Mer actually lay like. the mer equivalent of fish eggs but they can also get pregnant in the human sense in their human forms. This means every other Mer but Keith was hatched from a fish egg (and also probably part of the reason why Keith prefers the surface).

When Keith abruptly turns back up again after going missing for a year and a half, it's huge news at the time but things have calmed down now. He's taken in by Shiro's parents after some debate over who should look after him.

When Shiro's parents die, Keith just sort of assumes he'll be on his own from now. Shiro catches him halfway out the window with a bag of his stuff and has to explicitly tell him he can stay before he gets the message.

Keith just sort of aimlessly drifts though life. He's not really sure what he wants, or even sometimes where he belongs. He's never met another half-Mer, or even any other Galra Mers. All the Mers in Plaht City are Altean Mers.

Lotor is a highly successful businessman who invests a lot of his money into the town's infrastructure. He's generally well liked, except by Keith, who can't stand his face. The feeling is mutual.

Even in human form, Keith's lung capacity is well above average. He can open his eyes underwater with no ill effects.

Allura is eager to befriend Keith, despite his strange, surface-dwelling ways. Lance is also not totally hiding from Allura because he knows if she seems him and Hunk hanging out together, she'll put two and two together and realize that Hunk knows what he is and then he'll get in trouble.

Romelle and Allura are childhood friends. She's heard her talk on a few occasions about the strange mute Galra Mer she befriend that she calls 'Red', but she doesn't have any reason to connect him to Keith.

Mers can send and receive thoughts in human form as well... except for Keith of course, who can't even receive thoughts in human form. Lance thinks he's just being rude, Allura thinks he just prefers verbal communication. Only Coran has correctly deduced the truth.

(Shiro can send and receive thoughts just fine once he's freed from Haggar's control, which is... an adjustment for him.)

Keith's the only Mer who knows how to swim as a human. If you toss Lance into a pool and tell him to swim, he's just gonna drown. Keith thinks this is incredibly funny.

[notquitejiraiya]

8 YEARS

Last year, I wrote my first yearly recap after having been inspired by a tradition set by the wonderful @unioncolours each year. That recap contained an array of fics and thoughts and inspirations after the insane year for me that was 2022. It was a huge year for me in terms of many things. Shortly after my last recap, I got a master’s degree and officially became an engineer, something that honestly spurred on my creative drive. While studying for that degree, I had my coolest year of writing in a while: as you know from the last recap, if you read it, I wrote 9/10, Love Means Nothing (which, yes, will be finished in time, don’t worry), and most importantly, I wrote Strangers.

Most importantly, I say, because the entirety of 2023 would ultimately hinge upon what Strangers began. But that is something we’ll come to in time.

Be warned, this will be long, but if you'd like to read about my last year, please do keep reading below :)

Before we begin with the majority of this essay, I wanna give a shoutout to the lost soul of the year that is Traditions. It wasn’t long and it wasn’t hugely exciting, but it kickstarted this year in terms of fic posting, even if only on Tumblr, and it was a cute one. I always love a little challenge like those from a gift exchange, and it’s always nice to give a gift. I hope it was nice to read, too!

But, starting on the meaty stuff, I think it’s important that I address the two constants throughout the history of this blog. The first, which comes as no surprise to any, is ShikaTema: the most important ship to ever exist, to me, and the heart of some of the most wonderful experiences I’ve had throughout my fandom life. The second constant is a topic explored in a lot of Shikamaru-based content across the fandom and one that I will never tire of.

That second constant is chess.

The game of chess is something very special to me. The first day I met my partner, we played chess against one another for hours (and I lost - the only time he’s beaten me, actually). My best friend, who introduced us that day, gave me a rook keyring that I have kept on my house keys ever since, whether I’ve lived in my home town, another city, or now even in another country entirely. My favourite musical - one of the things I connect to my father best with - centres around chess, its politics, and its capacity for obsession. And probably the most important fic on this blog to date obviously takes its name from the game.

I have no doubt that most people who follow me, especially those of you here on Tumblr, discovered my writing as a result of Chess, either by reading it or maybe through the incredible art which that fic was lucky enough to receive. It was so special and personal to me to write, and while it’s certainly no longer my best work as an author, I’m still immensely proud and pleased with how it resonated with people. I think, so far, it is the most beloved thing I’ve written, at least to others.

But something that always bothered me about Chess was how little chess there actually was in it. Sure, there were a couple of scenes where chess was played, but there was more flower arranging and fish and chips than there was time sitting across a chessboard. It felt almost like a wasted opportunity to write about Shikamaru being a chess whizz and doing next to nothing with the skill. I couldn’t let the idea die. In many of my older stories — Tumblr-only stories — Shikamaru plays chess (or shogi) or inspires Shikadai or Temari to do the same. But nowadays, it feels like it has all been leading up to right now and to the monster that 2023 has birthed.

When I came to write Strangers in 2022, an idea came to me as just a little easter egg. That idea was that, in the Strangers universe, Temari’s husband would be a world-class chess player, and she, too, would have an equally worldwide job. It sort of naturally followed that Temari, too, could be a chess player; what she might lack in terms of natural strategic prowess, she more than makes up for in drive and ruthlessness, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about chess players in my life, it’s that they hate to lose. Temari 101, methinks. As I made my way through writing Strangers, that fact nipped at my brain tirelessly until, before I knew it, I had a 30k outline and, by association, a goal for what 2023 would be for me as a writer.

2023 would be the year of Grandmaster.

I’ve always been more of a character writer than a plot writer. I think perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’m drawn to writing AUs over canon works; to me, while writing, it’s more interesting to explore how an existing character would behave in a totally alien environment to their canon one, and Grandmaster is this year’s attempt at that.

I mention this because, while I call Grandmaster (GM) a ShikaTema fic, it is, first and foremost, a fic about Temari. Shikamaru is there — of course, he is — and he plays a crucial role in so many of the elements of her life within the story. But the story is unequivocally hers. We see what Temari sees, focus on what Temari focuses on, suffer through Temari’s delusions of her own self-importance, and feel the weight of the expectations put upon her. It’s an exploration of the weight of ambition that’s not necessarily your own, and it has gutted me to write more than Chess ever did.

I don’t have enough delusion of my own self-importance to yet write and publish an essay on this story, why I’ve written it, and how it feels to write it, but there are a few points that I have to voice in this yearly reflection because they’re so crucial to my last year as a writer and online.

You will hear me sing the praises of my friend Bex to the ends of the Earth. While we share a name, we have very different approaches to writing, and we often tell quite different stories, but she is truly responsible for inspiring me to write Temari-centric stories. 100%. If you are reading this and somehow haven't read what I truly consider to be the greatest ShikaTema fic of all time (no one cries for unknown soldiers), follow that link, read it right now, and then come back a changed individual. And you will be changed, I promise, because it changed me on an almost chemical level with its power. Everything you write, Bex, has that power, and it is extraordinary and frankly terrifying in the most incredible way.

I had already started GM by the time you began releasing When I am Gorgeous, but holy fuck, if that didn’t spur me on. The character growth and arcs in those stories are something to behold and something I strive for. With that in mind, the first point of this writing reflection is a thank you to Bex specifically, without whom I wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun writing as I’ve had this last year, and I wouldn’t be sitting where I’m sitting as I write this. So thank you - a hundred times over and more. I am honoured to share a corner of the internet (and a name) with you, my ‘rival’. Thank you.

The second point is another thank you. This time to @clumsydragon28, who is again a dear friend and without whom GM wouldn’t be what it is. From support in DMs to insane and phenomenal essay-like analysis in comment sections, you are outrageously inspiring to em and others and there aren’t words for my gratitude for that. But, as you already know, there are elements of GM and what is to come after GM that exist only because of you and your own beautiful writing and stories. I will refrain from spoiling the joys of the latter chapters of Plié — another absolute must-read where the love and joy of an art form ooze from every word and captivate you with their wholesomeness and beauty — but it helped me find the missing piece at the end of GM that lets me tie it up with a bow, and ultimately set into motion the fic that will follow. I can’t thank you enough, truly, but thank you. 

Having thanked those who frankly made it happen, I’ll get on with the writing-specific stuff. No spoilers, but it will be a little self-indulgent so bear with me.

I’ll start with something kind of trivial. GM is my first real time writing OCs in a fanfic as more than a passing reference. It doesn’t have many because I like to bring in canon characters where applicable. But sometimes that’s not viable, and I’m not about to force some character into a hole they don’t fit into because I hate when other people do that, so Danya and Mischa kind of had to happen. And I’ve had a really fun time writing them. It’s not uploaded yet, but there’s a chapter coming soon that’s quite focused around Mischa, and I think it’s some of my best writing in the whole story, and so GM has kind of gotten me over my fear of OCs. Nobody’s complained about their existence, and they’ve made the story more complete. A lesson learned, for sure.

Secondly, it’s no secret that I really like Rasa. Do I think he’s a wanker? Yes. Do I think hating him for what happened canonically is valid? Also, yes. Do I think that there’s nuance to his character that is often disregarded or forgotten? Absolutely. And, as a result of that, do I think he’s criminally underutilised in fics? Fuck yeah, I do.

So GM has a lot of Rasa. More than I initially intended when I began writing it, actually. He’s there pretty much all the time — if he’s not in the scene, he’s probably influencing what’s going on in it either directly or via years of impressionable behaviours. And it’s been really interesting to write that. Challenging, for sure, because I have to keep in line with all the relationships set out in Strangers and realistically make them come to a head where they do. And challenging in the sense that it doesn’t feel good to write some of the things that Rasa has to say in this story.

There have been a few times in my 8 years as a fanfic author where I’ve written something and actually felt violently emotional after having done so, but GM has given me a fair few of those moments, specifically as a result of Rasa. I won’t say which moments they are, partly because the expectation of how one is ‘supposed’ to feel consuming anything takes away the authenticity, I feel, but I wonder if when people read his dialogue in certain chapters — some already up, and some soon to come — they will feel the same as I did writing them. It’s an interesting thought I’ve never had the opportunity or time to really consider until GM, and one I am sure I will consider more going forward.

Speaking of Rasa and the link in relationships, I don’t know if I’ve even officially said in this recap that GM is the prequel to Strangers. I’ve never written a prequel before, but it’s a unique experience. It’s like working from the end to the beginning; it feels wrong and yet makes perfect sense. Keeping the sibling relationships in line with Strangers is really fun, honestly. Writing that fic, I had little opportunity to just write the three of them having fun or being loving in traditional ways, and I had zero opportunity to utilise Yashamaru.

Writing this fic, Yashamaru has been everywhere, and he has become one of my most beloved characters.

I have nothing else to say on that, I just wanted to give it it’s own line. He’s played a big part of warming my hear this year, and I love him.

Finally, I feel like this fic has really brought out the introspective beast within me. Introspection has always been my forte, but it’s really taken the reins this time. In some ways, I’m quite annoyed with myself for it and for being word and long-winded. I’ve always had the biggest respect for those who can say what they want to say concisely, and I have never been one of those people.

That’s the goal for the 9th year of notquitejiraiya, for sure, and I plan to do so with a fic in the same universe as has captivated me these last 2 years, this time with the focus on Shikadai. Shikadai will be a new challenge for me, too, especially a grown up Shikadai, and I'm excited to try and tell his story, concisely and without even half the discontentment present in both GM and Strangers lol. We deserve some cheerfulness and range here at NQJ Ltd.

But at the same time, I’m proud of the way I write and the way I express myself and the characters within my story. I think I’m quite good at following a train of thought in a realistic way — not quite to the level of my idol, Mr Alex Garland, but I’ve time to learn — and by being Temari-centric, GM has let me into Temari’s head and let me run havoc her thoughts. I’ve received multiple comments on GM about how it’s somewhat frustrating not to have Shikamaru’s point of view, and while I get why: no thanks.

This is Temari’s story. There will be some moments we see through other’s eyes, certainly, but I’m of the opinion that if we saw both sides of GM, it would be far more frustrating. This story will span ten years and for me, it’s an exercise in writing someone piecing together parts of their life during that time into something worth living and figuring things out as they go. In life, while you might get to hear what the people around you think from what they say and how they act, you don’t get the privilege of seeing inside their heads. Neither does Temari, and by association, neither do you. I hope it pays off in the end; I’ll be proud regardless.

But enough about Becks the writer. Something pretty insane happened for Becks the human being last month, something that she’s not completely over. I live in Finland now. I’m learning Finnish, and I’m on Master’s degree number 2 (yes, I am addicted to learning, do not judge me). I have, frankly, no time to write, but am I going to do it anyway? Of course I am. I can’t stop myself, even if I tried. Not to mention, the pressure of my first MSc gave me Strangers, and I’m not going to resist if the 2nd brings on something equally fun.

Another constant this year for Becks the human, that I am certain my friends must be sick and tired of, is The Brothers Karamazov. I bought myself that book as a treat for finishing my exams in 2022 and have been slowly chugging through it for the last year. I’m sure it comes as no surprise with my wordy introspective tendencies that I love a classic, and I think it’s quite fun that I’ve somewhat accidentally aligned reading this particular classic alongside falling into the Bungo Stray Dogs fandom and, even more fun, aligned with writing GM. Two wildly different stories of trios of Russian siblings. These trios – they follow me around, I swear! But jokes aside, I have only 98 pages left of this almost 1000 page beast, and it feels like the end of an era. Never in my life have I seen characters as humans more effectively, and never have I felt more inspired to make sure the characters that I write appear human, too.

But like I say, being wordy is my weakness. The evidence is in this almost 3k ramble alone. There are so many more things I could say, and maybe once I’ve finished GM and it’s all published and tied up with a bow, I might share those thoughts, too.

But for now, I must say thank you to the 8th notquitejiraiya year for being so memorable, despite my blog and my ao3 page having ‘little’ to show for it by way of variety. The 9th year will be a good one, I’m sure, and I enter it with incredible friends — authors and otherwise — and the will (of fire) to improve.

And become more concise. That’s job no1.

Thank you all for playing a part in the last 8 years, whether we’re close or we’ve never spoken. Your time means the world, and I hope you have an incredible day / night / life.

Becks x

[amethystsoda]

More winter and spring farm activities with @angry-geese !

Ice fest with my man Linus and squid fest ^o^*

My beloved Emo (whom I’m not marrying but we’re besties)

Merry Chrysler (why is the star helmet so big. it looks like Toad)

Goose’s first green doll + we finally made mayo!!

baby boy why did Robin throw away your comics 😭😭 as much as I’m glad you didn’t yell at her, she also shouldn’t touch your collections 😭

BUS FIXED BUS FIXED

Completed Emily’s gem request!! And Harvey doing radio… when a patient is literally waiting downstairs 🤣

Family portrait 🤗💕 mystery duo and the coolest guy + coolest horse in Pelican Town

ngl this reminded me of Cas in Lazy in Space with her birdfriend xD

yes. anime eggs.

: ]

and on our final day of the Calico Desert festival we got our halloween outfits from Emily (indiana jones and link!)

[asksonicfreedomfighters]

To Sonic: How was your life like before Robotnik took over?

Sonic: "Makes sense I get the very first question since I'm the coolest dude here! And for this kinda question- I drew pictures!"

[The hedgehog speeds off and returns with two pieces of paper.]

Sonic: "Before Rob- Robughn- UGH! Before that egg dude, I lived in a small town called Hedgeborough way south of here with my uncles, my uncle Chuck and my uncle Paulie. OH! And my dog Muttski! Uncle Paulie had his own delivery service with airplanes, and my Uncle Chuck had this way past cool chili dog stand. I helped them both with deliveries, and of course I was the best at it, super fast and all."

Sonic: "But I got really restless, so me and some of my buddies were like 'yeah lets adventure' and stuff! There was Ham, Fishy, Joe, Squawk, Second, and Acorn... The more I think about it, I'm starting to think those weren't there actual names, but it's fine. Nicknames are cool. Anyway, one day we got separated, and that was the end of that, not much else to say! Gotta keep moving on after all, cause now I'm with my brand new friends!"

[obscurecharactershowdown]

Group B Round 2

[image ID: the first image is the book cover of The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death. the title is stylized to seem as if it's listed on a theater marquee, and there are 5 characters, lit in a green glow, gathered around what is likely the Avocado in question. it's covered in switches and wires are attached to it. the second image is of Red Savarin, an anthropomorphic red fox. he's chewing on a bone, carrying a large red sword, and wearing a blue and red outfit with shorts, knee and chest armor, and a small, red cape or shawl with white fur lining. there are also green gems attached to his shoulders, chest, and hips. end ID]

Uncle Flipping Hades Terwilliger

This man is a parody of many badass international men of mystery, who I had never heard of when I first read this book at age 9, so I just thought he was the coolest motherfucker alive. And I was right. He was kidnapped, kept in a vat of egg foo young, and forced to watch German comedies, and all he had to say was "I enjoy German comedies," the sick bastard. I don't know how well-known this book is but it deserves to be better-known.

Red Savarin

AUGAGHGHAGAGGAGA MY AWESOME LITTLE DS FURRY GAME THAT FLOPPED SO BAD IT ONLY SOLD 100k COPIES WORLDWIDE, hes so sooooo silly solatorobo is honestly an awesome game with a great soundtrack painted backgrounds in towns cool setting and awesome character designs it pushed the ds graphics to its limits tbh and red savarin is my funny little guy, i think he has a little bit of transgender swag. i dont wanna spoil anything but honestly his backstory on paper is kind of funny because its like something i would write at 13 but it works and is great. hes a funny little shiba with a stupid gun sword i hate drawing thats only like useful in game like 4 times at most lol and an awesome robot mech. unfortunately hes french tho rip

[beardedmrbean]

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms and the positive women in my life.  Mi madre loves CCR, and growing up in the Central Valley, this song often comes up.

One story I’ve been told by a handful of old dogs was CCR was supposed to play in Lodi Grape Festival.  But once the organizers were shocked to see the band is a bunch of long-haired, bluesy, rockers, the gig got cancelled, and CCR spent the rest of the day hanging around a hotel.  I’ve never seen anywhere else if that story is real.  The other story is about CCR hypothetically becoming has-beens, spending the rest of their mortal days doing small gigs in backwards towns they could never leave.  The latter feel more plausible.

Submitted by @eggs-n-ham-sam

I enjoyed this performance, Fogerty getting the family together to jam that’s good times for everyone.

I went and looked up the story behind the song,

The song describes the plight of a down-and-out musician whose career has landed him playing gigs in the town of Lodi, California. After playing in local bars, the narrator finds himself stranded and unable to raise bus or train fare to leave.  

Fogerty later said he had never actually visited Lodi before writing the song, and simply picked it for the song because it had "the coolest sounding name." The song's chorus, "Oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again," has been the theme of several city events in Lodi.

So the one you like best is closest to the truth there.

I love Fogerty though, leader of one of the best southern rock acts (and solo artists) ever was born and raised in the Bay Area of CA, wild thing to have happen.

Kinda like how Mike Patton of, well too many acts to list, is from Eureka CA, not a place known for his brand of music, well the ones he got famous initially with at least.

Guy can do anything really.

[mirimiramiri]

Huch, I was tagged and must obey! With pleasure @bi-sanddancer

Fifteen questions for fifteen mutuals!

1. Are you named after anyone? I am happy to have my grandmas name as second name.

2. Last time I cried was when my MILs dog died unexpectedly 😢 still miss her.

3. I have no children and will probably never become a mother.

4. I use sarcasm a lot! But barely when I write.

5. Sports: I did a lot of martial arts, because I like being strong and able to defend myself. Sadly with my living situation I was unable to find a new dojo. But am still looking. Apart from that I jog, always cycle 🚲 EVERYWHERE, do yoga and strength training and sometimes I headbang to savage metal music.

6. The first thing I notice about people… their gender?? Idk…

7. According to my husband I have green eyes, to me they appear more blue-grey.

8. I like many movies. Not super fond of horror but mainly because there weren’t many fresh ideas lately.

9. Special talent: I can keep names! But it’s more a willpower thing than a talent. And I can reach the tip of my nose with my tongue if that is impressive enough?

10. I was born in an ugly town in southwest Germany, but raised in the coolest city ever.

11. It might be easier to list what’s not my hobby: gaming, bungee-jumping, seeking world domination… no seriously, I draw, write, read, craft, sew, work in the house and garden, go to concerts, try to stay in motion, love good food and like to travel.

And occasionally… I just sit there and dream!

12. I adopted my husbands furry friend, a big cat named Mr. Bobber. First we did not get along. Biting, scratching, and he also behaved not so nicely. But now I love him, although I am definitely a dog person.

13. My height is average.

14. My favourite subject was always art, later also physics, English and math.

15. As a kid I always wanted to be the designer for the surprises in the Überraschungseiern… idk if this is known in the world… those chocolate eggs with a tiny plastic egg inside with a nanoscale toy in it?

I like to end this interrogation with a self-portrait I just did.

I have a hyperactive imagination 🫠

[dustofthedailylife]

i am here once again to bother you <3

do you have any hot takes on genshin? maybe character design or skill kit? if so then please indulge me <333

Please, you never bother me! <3

Hot takes huh? *scratches chin* Disclaimer right out of the bat... everyone is free to disagree and please don't feel attacked... my opinion is not the end all be all, I know it's not the law and your blorbos are all valid and I'm sorry in advance. Ok, thanks 💕😂

Nilou is a Mary Sue character. Her story quest is the only one I skipped through because I actually couldn't stand how she was portrayed as this "perfect" girl everyone gushed about.

Albedo, while being one of the coolest characters lore-wise and having an ungodly amount of drip (his outfit? chefs kiss) has one of the most boring kits in the entire game... Place the flower thing on the ground once and then go back to your main DPS without ever seeing Albedo again on that Abyss floor... and he doesn't have a signature. Hoyo did him so dirty.

Diluc's in-game model is actually atrocious. Please, the man is so handsome. In the manga and in official art I want to munch on him affectionately... and then the in-game model just looks like an egg. Another case of hoyo did him dirty. He deserves better.

Alhaitham is not Dendro Keqing... just no.

I really dislike Noelle's outfit... like I'm already not a big fan of maid outfits and then maid armor? nope, yikes.

While I ship some characters the shipping community, especially surrounding Genshin is stupidly toxic and loves drama. Maybe Reader insert is cringe to a lot of people but at least we don't scratch each other's eyes out in these parts of town <3

A lot of characters constantly get mischaracterized and it bothers me. Childe is not a playboy, and neither is Kaeya, Ayaka is a super sweet girl and not some obsessed yandere chick and Ayato would not be a manipulative towards those he loves (teasing? yes; mean? never ever!)

[thoughtfulhog]

I think you are one of the coolest baddest bitches in town. I'd so rob a bank with you /lh /p 💕

I would shoot the wall like an 80’s villain and shout

“AND IF THE COPS ASK YA WHO IT IS, TELL EM IT WAS KARROT AND EGG AKA THE FOOD GANG”

and you’ll be dragging me out of the bank.

[suckitsurveys]

Where do you see your ex in 5 years? I don’t care about those people so I am definitely not thinking about what they’ll be doing in ten years.

Does your last ex have a job? Like I said, I don’t care.

Would you be interested in starting your own business? Ehhhhhh.

Do you find guys with facial piercings attractive? Eh. It’s not a deal breaker but it’s not a turn on.

Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? No.

What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? Caramel and/or nuts. Peanut butter is good too.

What, in your opinion, is the most disgusting part of the human body? Genitals are pretty creepy looking in general hahah.

Do you have slim or chubby fingers? They’re in the middle.

Have you done anything lately that you instantly felt was a mistake? I’m not sure.

Pencils: mechanical or traditional? Mechanical for sure.

Are you into anyone right now? Tell me about them? Use this space to say something to them. I’m into my husband, lol. He’s teh sweetest, funniest person on the planet and treats me like a princess. I love him so much and I appreciate all he does for me.

Do you cook and/or bake? What is your specialty? It’s not something I do very often, but I love making “cold” dishes like guacamole, deviled eggs, and potato salad.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? In friendships, year.

Are you attracted to any nationality more than others? Nope.

Do feet creep you out? No, but toenails do.

Do you have a sexual fantasy? What is it? Uh huh.

Do you like the band Satyricon? I’ve never heard of them.

Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when its hot in your room? Aww what Bostonian made this survey? Anyway, yes.

What is your favorite thing to do with your best friend? I love just being near them.

Are you easily offended? Nah..

Have you ever acted as tour guide for friends/relatives from out of town? Yeah.

Do you feel bored with your life? Yeah, in some ways.

What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I haven’t.

How old were you the first time you encountered God? I’ve never believed in god.

Are you married? Yes.

What was the best date you’ve ever been on? The first date with Mark.

Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Sure.

Which stereotype do you fit the most? I don’t know.

Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Tina Fey was one of them.

Did you go to prom? Yes.

If you could rewind time ten years, would you? No.

What is the last song you played on repeat? Guess ft Billie Eilish by Charli XCX.

Do you own a CD player? Not anymore.