captainstephie

[captainstephie]

just to make things a little bit nicer around here, I'm adding some enrichment to your enclosure. I hope you like :)

[captainstephie]

take off all your clothes and walk into the sea

[captainstephie]

*goes mall shopping with lana*

me: i missed this <3

lana: my boyfriend taught me how to file a restraining order and i do jiu jitsu

me: ummm well what do you think about this dress...?

lana: *tries it on* how do you feel about it?

me: it looks so good on you lana banana :P

lana: don't call me that.

[captainstephie]

the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

[captainstephie]

[captainstephie]

I'm setting my trap, to catch the damn haiku bot. Quiet! Here it comes.

[captainstephie]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED

YOU KNOW THE HAIKU BOT???

OFC YOU DO

YOU KNOW THAT MESSAGE HE PUTS AT THE END OF EVERY POST????

"Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up."

YEAH???????

WELL THATS A HAIKU TOO

Beep boop! I look for

accidental haiku posts.

Sometimes I mess up.

NOW YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THATS NOT THE CUTEST THNIG YOUVE EVER HEARD

[captainstephie]

DO NOT sleep during the day. Youll be like What the hell later

[captainstephie]

how is it june next week how are we already on the 6th month of the year wasn’t it just march

[captainstephie]

my chemical romance is the funniest and weirdest band ever. They’re all fucking losers who would genuinely rather play dnd than hook up with groupies. The singer used to work at Cartoon Network. The bassist is on the fbi watchlist for crimes against disney. One guitarist is a guitar god but he also used to keep a little action figure of spiderman in his pocket all the time, the other is like a little lap dog of a man, but he’s also on the fbi watchlist for death threats against a us president. They refused to be on the twilight soundtrack, one of the most popular franchises at the time but then they preformed on yo gabba gabba and re-recorded one of their songs in simlish.

[captainstephie]

Nicola saying "I burn for you Colin" with Clare's voice is something I never knew I needed until now.

[captainstephie]

untitled goose game works because if i was playing a human person i would still feel terrible for attacking people at random and stealing their possessions even though i know that neither i nor they are real, but since i'm doing all of that as my bastardsona i feel that it is not only my right but my duty to inflict as much havoc and mild vexation as possible on the unsuspecting population of NPCs

[captainstephie]

just saw an old post on Instagram taken from twitter that said "tsc quotes but add 'bro' at the end of it"

please, I wanna see so many of them

I start

Will to Tessa "I am catastrophically in love with you bro"

[captainstephie]

I love everything about this

[captainstephie]

before getting a cat: all cats are basically the same they’re just different colors

after getting a cat: has anyone else in this house noticed that dante has a growth mindset

[captainstephie]

[captainstephie]

god i am sick of being broke how does anyone afford literally anything. i know everyone is broke but people seem to somehow get by and i am not