#that's probably gonna be my new horoscope

[salamandergoo]

STWG Prompt: Pisces

A magazine slapped down onto the table and Eddie dropped into his seat just a moment later.  "Gentlemen!  We enter into a new month, it is time for the ritual."

"The ritual," Dougie and Jeff echoed, rehearsed.

"Not the ritual," Gareth groaned, stabbing at his lunch.  "It's going to be the same as last month, it always is."

"...what's the ritual?" Lucas asked, saying it slowly like Eddie might yell at him for asking.

"Oh, horoscopes!"  Eddie opened the magazine with a grin, paging through it and clicking his tongue.  "Hopefully no plagues are written in the stars."

"Horoscopes."  Mike looked at him flatly.  They'd only been sitting at the Hellfire Club table for a week now, and in that week, horoscopes hadn't been mentioned once.  "You believe in that shit?"

"Nah.  My mama loved 'em though.  And it's kinda fun."  He tapped the magazine on the table and cleared his throat.  "We enter Libra season, may it be prosperous for our resident Libras!"  He gestured to Gareth and Jeff.  "It says here that Love is within reach!  You just need to be brave enough to grasp it."

Gareth glanced at Jeff and scoffed.  "Total bull."

Jeff grinned.  "I don't know.  Eddie, is this your little ploy to confess your long buried feelings for me?"  He fluttered his eyelashes and blew a kiss."

"You want to be my type so bad it almost makes me love you," Eddie teased as he leaned in just a little closer.

Dustin balked and Mike had gone pink, staring down at his sandwich and refusing to look up from it.  Gareth rolled his eyes again and gestured to the boys.  "What are you guys?  What are your signs?"

"How am I supposed to know that?"  Lucas still seemed a little confused.  "Is it like... by month?  My birthday's in April."

"Early or late?  What day?"  Eddie tapped at the pages.  "That'll make you either an Aries or a Taurus."

"The 8th.  Early."

"Aries!  According to your horoscope, you'll need to be brave and face your fears in the coming month.  An emotional cold front is coming your way, young one."

Lucas glanced over his shoulder towards another table, where Max was sitting with her hood up, staring out the window at the overcast sky.  "I'm pretty sure I've been facing an emotional cold front for a while already."

Dustin leaned forward curiously.  "I'm a Pisces, what does it say for that?"

"Why do you know that?" Mike asked, some of his initial standoffish-ness worn away.

"Steve and Robin have this game where they make up terrible horoscopes for each other."  He shrugged.  "Robin's a Pisces too, and Steve is a Cancer."

Eddie hummed.  "Pisces, huh?"  He too a bite of his apple.  "Be extra cautious with your belongings.  Damn, looks like someone is going to rob you, Henderson.  So the stars decree."

"So the stars decree," Dougie and Jeff echoed.

"I hate it when you guys do that."  Gareth threw a chip at Jeff's head.

"Why do you think we do it?"  Jeff grinned and threw the chip back.  "Come on, Eddie, what's Dougie's?  Something about doom and gloom, right?  Something about how he's gonna die?"  He laughed as Dougie kicked him under the table.

"Well, our fiery Aries friend will be facing- oh."  Eddie's eyes widened a little.  "It's actually not doom and glooom this month.  Keep your aim true to your goals, even when progress is slow."

"Oh."  Dougie nodded, considering.  "That actually is kind of nice.  I can live with that."

Eddie chuckled and turned his gaze to Mike, cocking his head with a smirk.  "And you?  Let me guess, fire sign.  You're probably an Aries too.  Or a Leo?"

Mike shrugged.  "I don't know, end of December."

"After the 22nd?"

"Yeah."

"Capricorn, then.  ...seriously?  You're an earth sign?"

Mike squirmed a little under his stare.  "Thought you said you didn't believe in this crap."

Eddie shrugged.  "There's a little bit of truth to everything.  That's what mama thought."  He looked at the magazine and snickered.  "This month may test your patience."

Mike hunched in on himself, glaring at Lucas when he tried to pat his shoulder.  "Most months get on my nerves.  This is stupid."

"Aw, he's like a baby raven," Dougie teased before elbowing Eddie.  "Alright, come on man, what's yours?"

"The most important horoscope!  Let's see here, Cancer says... I am invincible and nothing can bring me down.  Damn right!"

"Let me see that."  Jeff snatched the magazine from Eddie.  "...oh.  What do you know."

"The stars are in alignment for a good month ahead."  Eddie chuckled and took the magazine back.  He tapped it on the table before tucking it into his bag.  "The ritual has been completed!"

"The ritual has been completed!"  Gareth grinned as Jeff rolled his eyes.

"This is why everyone thinks we're satanists, you know-"

"Let the people think what they want, they're just mad I don't read them their horoscopes."

[archivalofsins]

Might be overstimulated, but the milgram character designs are all rather good. Plus, I feel bad about hoing Mikoto with that low blow, so I'm gonna try to rectify that. He didn't deserve that he just caught a stray he's not forcing people to talk about his physique. Plus, those boots they were amazing... To quote a movie a saw recently those boots stood between me and suicide for about six months and currently are making me feel bad about houng his fashion sense.

I'm not a shipper, but I am a friend shipper- Yes, yes, hold your boos and tomatoes until the end. Preferably when I'm off stage, thank you.

My point is Mahiru is studying literature- Mikoto works at a well-known advertising agency. Mahiru made it so her music video looked like the magazines she reads with fashion tips. Kotoko is an independent journalist. I'm saying in a better world they would have all come together to begin their own dedicated magazine service. I mean they're all in Tokyo. Kotoko doesn't trust main stream news Mikoto wants to do freelance and Mahiru would be happy to get to give fashion advice tips and wrote the horoscopes.

It's a win-win-win. Plus in this situation she probably would find Mikoto to still be a bit of a suck up and hard to trust but he'd kind of grow on her as they worked together more seriously. Then she'd see how he lives and be like no, no, absolutely not. Then she'd start helping him out with decorating and stuff dressing a bit better. Keep trying to set him up on dates etc. Kotoko tries to stay put of it like she doesn't need to know what her coworkers are doing and she has research to do. But then Mahiru starts bugging her about her home life and she's like mmm she's already worried about this guy and I'm pretty much in a similar boat...and keeps dodging questions. Until Mahiru starts to do some investigating of her own.

Then she finds out everything, and she just ends up lecturing the both of them. They end up researching all the other prisoners' cases and deciding lime whether to hire them in or like turn them into the cops. Es is just like the kid that keeps trying to work with them and ends up being paired up with Amane a lot after they look into her deal.

Huh, this is just an au.

[bluewinnerangel]

(This would probably do very well in gif form but here's a block of text instead lol) Ok so the visuals in the Daylight music video that go with the lyrics are really fun, and I wanted to post a bit of a thing of it here.. i probably miss some maybe obvious ones or nods/metaphors an whatever, and there are things shown that relate to the lyrics but not exactly at the time he's singing it that I don't mention, but basically almost every lyric and visual directly relate. And that's really cool so I'm gonna list what I seem. I am failing to come up with a word for it that most likely exists but as @theirloveisgross said "My art school ass loves this" so we're calling it the myartschoolasslovesthis overview for now for now:

Ok so Lyric + visual shown while he's singing it that relates:

I'm on the roof - hes on a roof

You're in your airplane seat - he crouches like as if he sits down on a chair (in the air)

I was nose-bleedin' looking for life out there - he walks out of the celeste venus shes expert not novice camper thing

Readin' your horoscope - girlie in the back reading bigass book she's holding up in the air

You were just doing cocaine - walks by white powdered face bunny girlie

in my kitchen You never listen - stands in front of knife'd daggered wall and shows angrywrittenalloverherface devil girlie wanting to throw more

I hope you're missing me by now - she throws another and misses

If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you - walks past more circusmembers who are up in the air and he does a lil fly dancemove

You'd be the spoon Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you - lil dip dancemoves, the others up in the air are now hanging face down also both with orangey head thingies very honey very dippy (also most headdresses and accessoiries are honey-ish colored like theyre all dipped in it)

(here its a bit thats not that much directly doing something with the lyrics but ill keep up vaguedescribing whats shown, basically every line he finds a new circus-person he interacts with/mimics:) Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (Ooh) - me the annoying bluegreen clown stops him

Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (Ooh) - weightlifting stongwoman and hes acting tough showing his muscles

Daylight, you got me calling at all times (Ooh) - screaming through a thing with someone on the other end who is annoyed on the other hand covering her ears

Ain't gonna sleep till the daylight (Ooh) - gets into a box covered in sky and clouds and pretends to sleep in it - then bambamchaos till the next verse-

Out of New York - he's also waving to a girl in a marching band costume on stilts above him and you see the "a prize every time" sign behind them i have thoughts about this none are remotely direct and obvious anyways

I'm on the comedown speed We're on bicycles - well. hes on a bicycle.

Saying, "There's life out therе" - points to the sky

You've got the antidote - circusact with a snake wee venom

I'll take one to go, go, please - ?looks in distorted mirrors

Get the picture, cut out my middle - crawls at like.. middle-length.. like he cuts himself im half in length.. in between people hoolahooping on their middles

You ain't got time for me right now - there's the sign again behind him that says "a prize every time" (and then past "cleanliness(?) and "peep show" idk bro)

If I was a bluebird - view of a girl in blue with feathers shot from below so the background is just sky

I would fly to you - idk some dance of the bluebird trying to get to harry and being held back by the other blue birds

You'd be the spoon, Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you - theyre dancing around him and he seems confused and then he starts running away past the mirrors and theyre going after him.. its kinda like the bluebird wants to fly and stick to harry and harrys running away?

Yeap. cool. that was it for the lyrics and the matching visuals and from there it just turns to chaos (what a music video tends to do at that point). coolcoolcool

[horoscope-misreader96]

New new intro post Updated 18/10/24

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✰Hello there! I'm horoscope-misreader96 (Formally known as the-stars-ar3-with-us), your local train wreck and the reason they put instructions on shampoo!

✰You can call me Kiki! Kiki isn't my real name it's just a nickname, I'll probably share my real name when I'm older.

✰Asks are back on now, so come in & say hi if you wanna. But please don't ask for money I've got 28 dollars to my name

Post bout donating ⤵️

✰Please don't get me involved in in shit goin on in the world, this is my little place to get away from shit

✰Keep in mind I'm a minor

✰Feel free to spam like my blog or send asks I'll try my best to answer your ask in a timely manner

✰This is my main blog, I have a spam side blog called @kikis-spam-reblog-blog

✰The fandoms I'm in include:

✧The Legend of Zelda

✧Star wars The clone wars, bad batch and republic commando

✧Lu

✧Spider-man (TASM is my fav)

✧Percy jackson

✧Marvel

✰On occasion I'll post art but keep in mind I'm a beginner and a very slow artist

✰No queue just, fuck it we ball

✰ Be sure to follow @noob-master69 specially if you wanna to see posts bout the two men who fucked in a Honda odyssey

✰Thank you for reading I might add more as time goes on it depends if I can think of things to write.

The tags I use are under the cut

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The tags I use:

✰#Kiki answers- This tag will be used for asks

✰#Kikitalks- Again this will be used for asks and when I make a post where I'm talking

✰#Kikisinawe- I don't really use this tag anymore but when I do/did I use it for thing I think are really cool

✰#Kikireblogs- This one explains itself

✰#Kikidraws or #Kiki draws- This is my art tag

✰#Kiki should be in bed- I'm gonna use this one for posts I make or reblog after 10pm

✰#Kikigetscrafty- This is my craft tag so anything that's not a drawing

✰#kiki rants- rant tag

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Credit to @xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx for the banners

[asherloki]

Mastermind

Bbc Sherlock

Summary:- Sherlock doesn't believe in stars and all, will he believe they're the mastermind?

"woah that's awesome" said I looking at the newspaper which startled Sherlock as he was sipping his tea. And I sat infront of him, having my tea cup infront of me to cool down a bit.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing to worry about honey relax". I said "it's my horoscope, i'mma gonna get appreciation in my work place".

"Oh that stupid planetary thingy" he said shrugged it off.

"Hello, your wife that is I, believes in it". I said, a little annoyed.

"And ? Look it still doesn't make any sense, shape stars creating one's personality is just stupid." He said.

"Fine see yours and if it happens you'll have to believe it". I said.

"Okay and how do you know my sign?" He said.

"Oh Mr Sherlock Holmes, you're the detective but I'm also your wife, I asked John your birth time, you told him remember . According to which your sun sign is capricorn, your moon is probably Gemini ".

"Goodness lots of unnecessary research " he said "what it says though wifey?"

I couldn't help but giggle at his comments, he's been this sweet in home always others won't know this kind sweet Sherlock.

"It says you'll have a peaceful day with your spouse " I said.

"Foolish cause I'm gonna go out for a case which is gonna keep me puzzled" he said.

"Yes but see 'with spouse' you'll have a good day" I said circling the word spouse.

"It's cause I'm always at home at peace when you are around me what big deal darling ".

"It's absolutely useless to argue with you" I said annoyed and sipped all my tea.

"Um" he said seeing me angry, a little "is Mrs Holmes mad ?"

"No I'm sorry I overreacted, of course I can't change your belief system " said I touching his hand and caressing with my thumb.

"You say this things know everything?" He asked softly.

"Almost everything" I replied.

"Did they know, you and I will endup together? Married?" He enquired.

"Perhaps " I answered then thought of something and a smile curved to my lips "wanna check?"

"What?"

"Let's find out that days horoscope when you and I first met, here in this room".

"Sure it's 22nd November " he said.

"Yes lemme check " then I first searched mine and said "I'm gonna read honey, are you ready?"

"Yes" he said uninterested.

"Ok so it says your work life is neutral, ofcourse, your education will bother you, absolutely, you'll have to move on from past, oh, hold on to what's infront of you now, what?"

I was stunned ofcourse Sherlock and I met that day and I was still thinking about my previous guy that day.

"Weren't you finding it hard to move on from Mr M..." I stopped Sherlock.

"Yes, don't have to remind me" then I said "I'll check yours".

And searched his, "so here it goes, your work will be wonderful, ofcourse, this new friendship will bring life .. to .. you".

"You and I?" He asked.

"Yes, seems so" I said.

"Were we meant to be together?" He asked.

"Told ya, they're the mastermind" I replied.

He held my hand, brought it to his lips and kissed.

"Honey?" I asked "see? You believe it now don't you?"

"No" he said.

"What the...."

"I just know you and I being together is all I need". He said, it was lovely, I couldn't help but say "aw" and went close to kiss him, he kissed me back.

"Love you darling " he said.

"Me too" said I.

[soliro-moonlight]

Woke and chose violence today so have an unnecessary list of how long it took me to make the transparents based on what ibisPaintX.

Yes, I do these by hand. Is there a better way to do it? Yes, but do I hate myself? ...well my arm seems to think so. Anyway, here's the shit post:

1. Shinigami in Yuma's art (0:13)

Tried to boom kill me since I yeeted her from Yuma's art so I gave her a transparent. Easy to do since she is basically a blob, but she's cute.

2. Seth sitting (0:21)

Couldn't stop cackling when doing this. This man had a chair in the main game but in the art book he looks like he is going to drop the most mid rap album. Immediately faceplanted when I was finished.

3. Desuhiko sitting (0:22)

His wavy hair was annoying but it was in big chunks so it was easy to manage. Overall his design is so cute especially with those big shoes but I did slap him when I was finished.

4. Vivia sitting (0:30)

His hair was more annoying than Desuhiko's given they are smaller, but I got through it. Belts were cool to transparent. Fell asleep two seconds into the process.

5. Yakou sitting (0:30)

The chair was easier than I thought to transparent but points docked for Yakou's hair being so curly and thin. Love the man but I have half a mind making him bald.

6. Guillaume sitting (0:36)

Her chunky hair. It's so nice and big enough where it's not annoying but there is so much of it. Def took time but the rest was fine.

7. Original Yakou art (0:48)

First attempt at making a transparent so not too bad of time, but at the same time I just did just one of the Yakou. Couldn't do the jacket version cuz his hair was going to kill me. Didn't help the scans colors were off so his hair def got chopped in the process.

8. Original Vivia art (0:51)

Second transparent I made and it went moderately better given I also did his jacket. Like with Yakou I probably chopped some of his hair off and those strings, but he didn't care.

9. Yuma art (0:55)

Over the best of the character sheets to transparent so far. No little fly away hair, no wavy curls, and no strings. Worst part was probably the ahoge, but it was nothing compared to the other hair I had to deal with. I love him so much, I'm gonna transparent him more.

10. Halara art (1:32)

Bribed them with cats to get them to work with me, but it was a smooth process. The worst part was they were so pale and their hair was so white it was hard to distinguish them from the background. Almost chopped their hand off in the process.

11. Seth art (1:40)

Nothing really notable other than his poncho is really nice to transparent. It's big and his bunny ears are so cute. Also I almost chopped off his neck cuz his uniform is so white and it was hard to distinguish it from the background.

12. Makoto art (2:10)

I swear Makoto heard how fun I was making the transparent for Yuma cuz his string thin hair was a pain to deal with. It was made worse compared to all of the others having white backgrounds, his is tan, making it hard to distinguish which was hair or not. The fact it didn't take it longer cuz I threw out one of his back art cuz it was the same.

13. Guillaume art (2:57)

The chunks. The chunks of her hair. It's so cute, but it's hard to erase around. I created a whole new system to get through her specifically. Although it was worth it cuz Guillaume gave me a horoscope reading. She told me to give up, fun.

Bonus: Yomi transparent I forgot to post (3:06)

Honest to God it was just a blur to me, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't hell. Took longer cuz I measured his waist and he was fighting with me the whole time. But dw, I got the results. Yomi's waist is 13 cm.

[foxy--stoat]

Can u do petyr/Neil could be platonic or romantic

Petyr didn't usually go into the roommate's bedrooms. Their place was the living room, kitchen, and any other common spaces. It was rare to see them anywhere but a dark corner.

This is why Neil was so startled to see them standing there, in the center of his room, after he returned from a nighttime trip to the lav.

"What are you doing here? Not, that, like, I don't want you here or anything. I'm not awful like the others. They're dreadful." Petyr nodded. "You're Petyr, right? Gosh, I should know that by now." 

Petyr nodded sullenly. At least, it looked sullen. It was hard to tell, what with the hair covering their face. Neil admired their stoicism.

"How come you don't talk?" Neil's question hung in the air of his room, and the only sound was a shrill screech coming from down the road. Probably the neighbors throwing things at each other again. Maybe their house would be demolished next.

Petyr shrugged and sat down on Neil's bed. Their feet somehow didn't quite reach the ground, and they gently kicked their legs. After a few moments, they stretched until their feet lay solidly on the ground. Neil sat next to them.

"Do you sleep?" Neil inquired. Petyr shook their head. "Good idea. It gives you cancer, you know. Can you get cancer? Like, I know you're human, and all, probably, but you don't seem really, well, normal." Neil anxiously tugged at his hair, not knowing if what he'd just asked would be offensive. His worry was met by an indifferent shrug. 

"I'm gonna check my horoscope for tomorrow. Which one's yours?" He pulled a newspaper from under his mattress with a faint squelch. "Just point."

Petyr reached a long finger and pointed at the current events section. 

"Huh. Far out." Neil smiled. "Well, I should probably get to sleep. Vyv says he has some new expiraments he wants to try out tomorrow, and it can't hurt to get some. Well, unless it gives me cancer, but I'll probably kill myself before then. Goodnight, Petyr."

He flicked the lights off, and Petyr disappeared. "Bye." Neil's farewell went unanswered, but possibly not unheard

[rosietrace]

Happy birthday to Zenith Devi 💚

He was heavily inspired by Venti, let me have my moment

"What am I gonna do on my birthday? Play Russian roulette, obviously! Wha- Wait, no I was joking, DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY, IT WAS A GAME REFERENCE-"

Zenith Devi, the eccentric 'nymph'

Current age: 20 to 21

Birthday: January 24

Horoscope: Aquarius ♒

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✨ 💚 Fun facts about Zen 💚 ✨

He almost got arrested when he was Eleven years old

Context: He went to a local supermarket/drugstore (He really doesn't care to remember) to get his medicine due to his relatively poor health as a child. What he forgot to do was pay the cashier. So Zen was very confused on why he was suddenly racing home while the cops were chasing him. His father handled the situation and managed to negotiate with Victoria's father to give Zen diplomatic immunity.

Most of the songs he wrote were inspired, and dedicated to Victoria due to how much she helped him in writing those songs

He dabbles in poetry, songwriting, and is well-versed in several musical instruments

Will (eventually) be implied to be able to speak multiple languages, since that is a requirement in nobility

He's most talented when playing the lyre, the piano, the violin, bagpipes, and the flute

Probably known as the most violent person in RSA and the most down to earth yet unhinged person in NRC

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

✨Birthday songs✨

Riptide- Vance Joy

Heartbreaker- New Parlor

I want to feel alive- The Lumineers

Counting stars- One republic

High hopes- Panic! At the disco

Two birds on a wire- Regina Spektor

Bubblegum bitch- Marina

Primadonna girl- Marina

DuckTales (2017) theme song

Golden Hour- JVKE

The campfire song- The lightning thief musical

Haus of Holbein- Six the musical

SIX- Six the musical

The megasix- Six the musical

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

Potential Q & A segment

Please feel free to ask any questions about Zen as long as they aren't NSFW-related

[linawritestwst]

(Match up for my OC please!)

Name: Vespera Nightingale

Nicknames: Ves, Vessie, Vespie

Ves is a 2nd year Diasomnia student, she/her/they, INTP.

Personality- She’s superstitious, the type to believe in karma and good luck charms, horoscopes and the supernatural and all that.

Ves is also an insomniac to boot, barely able to sleep more than a few hours each night, and thus she has a perpetual flat, melancholic expression on her face almost always.

Her biggest red flag would be her overall vindictiveness and vengeful streak. Her temper is actually quite short, and although she doesn’t show it outright, if you somehow tick her off, she’s already planning your demise or flinging a nasty curse behind your back. Most of the time her “retributions” are harmless, if annoying inconveniences (such as turning Sebek’s hair diarrhea brown), as she doesn’t really have the heart to do anything too dangerous.

Ves is able to admit that sometimes she does take things too far, and will usually knit something, like a scarf or maybe a pair of mittens as an apology. She likes making sweaters for her dormmates in particular.

On the positive: she’s extremely resourceful and an adaptive thinker. One of her strengths is her endless imagination and boundless creativity (often wasted by her brainstorming for ways to get back at people). And despite her sour expression, Ves is also more optimistic than she looks. She’s quite hardworking and productive, and actually spends alot of time studying and cleaning.

Ves also seems to be picking up a new hobby or interest almost every week, seeing as she has plenty of spare time on her hands. But just as quick as she picks something up, Ves may drop the interest just as fast and move onto something else entirely. Her latest fixation so far is old movies that she binge watches with the Film Appreciation Club. The few hobbies that have stuck with her so far are reading, jigsaw puzzles (the 1000 piece sets), and handicrafts such as sewing, knitting, and embroidery. Ves is a particularly avid reader and can sometimes go through 2-3 books a week, usually on magical history or weird magic anomalies.

Other fun facts and tidbits about Ves:

-her birthday is on 2/29 and she hates it, in fact she’d prefer not to celebrate it at all. If you really ask her she’ll probably just lie and say 3/1. Or curse you.

-favorite food is pudding, least favorite is anything with caffeine

Overall, her belief in superstitions and vengeful tendencies may cause others to view her as childish or immature. So a good match would be someone who wouldn’t mind that (or…..would help her in her petty crimes). If it isnt someone as eccentric as her, they should also be able to rein her in if needed. They’d also need to be someone who can handle clinginess because Ves gets attached REAL QUICKLY. I’d say she’s mildly yandere but she’s quite naive and innocent when it comes to romance. Definitely believes babies are delivered by storks and that handholding is ~forbidden~

Thanks and congrats!!

hi, i hope you like this matchup!

the character that i think would be a good partner for your oc is..

floyd leech!

i'll explain why i chose him:

i actually spent quite a lot of time thinking which character would be the best (or at least good) match for ves and i wasn't sure if i should go with a more chaotic and eccentric partner for her or someone who's more chill. the second option sounded more logical because, you know, someone's gotta make sure ves is not causing too much chaos, but the first option sounded more fun! also i feel like some characters wouldn't have enough patience for her I'M SO SORRY i think ves and floyd's dynamic would be very interesting, it's like you never know what these two are gonna do next. floyd would definitely help ves out with their pranks or he would actually be the one to suggest ideas for how they can "take their revenge" on someone. but if ves finds someone too annoying, floyd can just squeeze them-

floyd doesn't really get ves's interest in things like horoscopes or supernatural stuff, but he does think it's cute of her to like things like that. he may tease her for it, but he doesn't really mean it.. well, maybe he does mean it, but not in a bad way, he just thinks it's funny. he won't let anyone say they're childish for having hobbies like that though. also yeah, he did laugh when he first heard about their birthday, but then he said that maybe ves should just celebrate her birthday on february 28th or she really should go with march 1st. or both! she can have two birthdays, she deserves it. oh and when february 29th actually comes, it means that they can have three birthdays!

oh, you don't have to worry about ves being clingy, floyd wouldn't mind that at all! he would love it actually. he's already a very affectionate guy, but ves acting like this makes him refuse to let her go when he's hugging her. he thinks her being so innocent is adorable and he can try to play along just for fun. or he can actually destroy her innocence. who knows, depends on his mood. and oh? she's mildly yandere? WELL THAT'S INTERESTING. again, he wouldn't think it's weird or scary and he even would find it cute <3 he's a strange man, okay.

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 1995 Not much to report at this time. I was watching TV, then I layered my bangs. Now I’m gonna hang out here in my room and read so I can hear if that weirdo starts hammering so I can jump on the phone and give him a piece of my mind.

I went another 24 hours with no Theodur last Sunday. I hope they call soon, though, about setting a time to see Dr. Rauche. Or Roushe. Or however the hell you spell it.

I spoke to Andy at his new apartment. Diana read the little journal I wrote to him for his birthday last February.

Tomorrow night Andy and Diana are going to see Melissa Ethridge in concert, then they’ll be stopping over here to get their stuff. I mean Andy’s soaps, the Judds movie, the backup edit tapes, and the pad I wrote this year’s horoscopes in.

Later…

No hammering at all last night as I finished my library book.

The red van of theirs is there, so if Lenore and the kids went to Idaho, they didn’t go in the van. Personally, I wouldn’t trust that piece of shit outside of Phoenix. Also, I think I may have heard one of those kids wailing.

As Tom was leaving for work this horrible smell of rotten eggs woke me up just as I was knocking off. The cooler does that when the water gets stale, but I said, that’s impossible! He just put the cleaner in that takes away that smell. Then when I came out of my room I realized it was coming from the bathroom, so I thought he had a serious stomach problem. Later he told me he treated the clogged drain.

I wonder if we’ll screw around today. For some reason, I doubt it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was too tired to screw and only wanted to go down there which is fine, but I’m not stupid, either. We didn’t screw around yesterday either, and the opportunity was there, too. I have a feeling that we won’t be screwing until this weekend. It’s his choice, though. He says we can have a kid, we want a kid and we don’t have to wait. Well, it takes two to make a baby, so he’ll just have to put his actions where his mouth is.

Got a letter from Andy and Diana today which she wrote. It was cool and she has nice handwriting. Andy said I could send her a letter and she’ll write back.

No package from mom and dad yet. I was right in sensing it wouldn’t come today.

I was also right, unfortunately, on sensing I’d have to tape Andy’s soaps tomorrow and Friday, too. The cable guy fucked up.

I had a weird, yet wonderful memory last night. It’s not that it’s something I forgot all about. I just hardly ever remember it. I believe I was 9 and it was definitely the summer I went to the first of the two camps I got kicked out of in Maine. The second one was Camp Meadowlark, but this was Camp Naomi. The memories are very vague, few, and quick. There was this one camp counselor that I was special to. She was probably somewhere in her 20s back then. I don’t even remember her name, but for some reason, the name Robin comes to mind. I can’t see her face or any of her in detail. If I had to guess, though, I’d say she was thin, average height, medium complexion, with brown eyes and hair. Her hair was maybe shoulder length and she may have had a plain face.

I may have had a vague memory of playing volleyball when she was around. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how many times I saw her.

I stood in a rectangular cabin. There were about two rows on opposite sides of the two longer walls with maybe 8-10 beds on each side. I remember stealing the barrette that belonged to the girl in the bed next to me. That was one of the reasons I got kicked out. I’m sure it was mainly cuz I was the hyper, obnoxious, little rebellious kid I usually was. I hated camp.

One night, though, I guess most of us kids were having trouble sleeping, including me. I remember lots of coughing going on, so maybe some kids had colds. Then there she was by my bed telling me, “Go to sleep before I kiss you all over” (not sexual of course; just playful). She might have said something about tickling me, too.

The next thing I remember, I was taken to her cabin. It was very small with 2 twin beds and a little kitchenette. I’m not sure if there was a bathroom in there, but there probably was, and a shower stall, too. She had a medium-sized dog. A mutt with 2 or 3 colors of brown. All I really remember is talking her to sleep. We were laying on our beds that were a few feet apart and I was yacking away as usual. I remember she fell asleep, then I guess I did right after.

The next morning, I think she cooked us breakfast. Maybe bacon and eggs. I think this was also the day my dad would be picking me up.

The last memory I have of her is of us in the woods with her dog. I remember being amazed at how she’d hide and the dog would always find her. Then she said, “I’ve got a present for you.”

It was a Polaroid of the dog. I ditched it when I was around 22, though.

Then I think I was waiting nervously for my dad, knowing how pissed and disappointed at me he’d be. I think I was alone with her and I might have said something like, “What am I gonna do till my dad arrives?”

She might have picked me up and spun me in the air playfully and said, “You’re gonna stay with me!”

We were outside by the office, possibly sitting on a bench or wherever. Then she was crying as Dad drove up and I got in the car and was gone.

Throughout the years I always got the feeling that if at that second no one ever wanted to have anything to do with me, she would’ve taken me in and been so good to me as I grew up. I would’ve been good, too. I always respected those who were good to me and therefore stayed out of trouble.

To the best of my knowledge, this woman wasn’t married and had no kids. I have no idea what she did regularly or where she lived. Did she live in Maine or some other New England state? For all I know she could be living right here in Phoenix. I thought about trying to look for her shortly after I went out on my own, but I wouldn’t have known where to begin.

Who was she? Why was I so special to her? Did I remind her of someone? Why did she treat me so well when no one else there wanted to deal with me or even acknowledge my existence? Does she ever think of me and wonder who, what, and where I am today? I guess I’ll never know.

TUESDAY, MAY 30, 1995 Tom and I had fun swimming after he came home and ate, but we didn’t screw around.

Where in the world has Alex been? I guess he’s busy with the move to Vermont cuz I haven’t heard from him by AOL in a couple of weeks. Since we had our last live chat anyway.

I’m kind of sunburned today. So even though the pool is at a very comfy temperature in the mid-80s, I’m gonna take a break from being out in the sun for a couple of days.

I forgot to mention a couple of past events. Last Sunday Tom attached the mirror that goes to the vanity table. He did a great job. It’s nice and sturdy and stands perfectly upright.

Also, Andy’s become good friends with his neighbor Pam, who’s on disability. He’s really changed with time. Even he admits that he was very selfish and insensitive the first year or two after we met up. Back then, I’d be wary about discussing a headache with him, knowing he’d freak out about it. But now, I could talk to him about anything and he’d listen and try to cheer me up. A lot of people are afraid of stuff they don’t know about or understand and he was afraid of those with disabilities, be it physical or mental, but now he’s not so afraid and paranoid. There are always gonna be Ellies and Frans out there, but he knows not all people on SS or SSI are fucked up. Here’s the funny part of it, though. When we first met up, he called my mother and asked her if he should be afraid I’d go after him with a knife or something like that. Well, he said to me regarding Pam, “I didn’t even call her mother to ask if she were dangerous or anything like that!”

I just got done recording his soaps for today and am gonna tape them again tomorrow. Hopefully, the cable will then be set up, as he was told it would be. He’s already got his new number which is easy to remember.

As for the games we got off of AOL, there are some really cool ones. We got more for his parents that I don’t like, like crossword games and cryptograms.

Here are the ones which he put in my world which are really growing. I mean, when I first got into this computer I had only about 4 things in my world. There’s a kitty puzzle, a connect the dot game, and a telephone game where you make words out of the numbers on the phone pad. There’s also a sliding number game where you have to put numbers in order from 1-15 on a square board. Meaning, 3 rows of 4 numbers, then the 13, 14 & 15 on the bottom. I also have a quilt game where you have to match a sample quilt design. Lastly, concentration games which I’ve always liked. One of them is with a deck of cards. Another is with colors that you have to match.

Guess what next door was doing on and off last night from 12:30 to about 2:00 in the morning? Hammering away. I wasn’t pissed cuz I was awake, and if I’d been asleep, the fan would’ve drowned it out, but that’s really rude! It was distracting, though, cuz I was trying to read, but I was mainly worried and pissed off for Tom. He did get woken up but said it was no big deal cuz it’d be only once in a blue moon that he’d be hammering at that hour. (I hope!) He said he thinks the wife and kids split to Idaho and this is why he’s catching up on home repair. That makes sense cuz you can’t get much done or accomplished with kids around. I know they practically never sleep, but that’s still really rude and selfish. I don’t know if they’ve gone to Idaho, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did and if it was him that was hammering. You see, I never felt that Lenore didn’t care about others’ peace around them; it’s him that’s like most others. He just doesn’t give a damn about those around him. I could always tell that from certain statements. Like when he said the kids might get noisy. And when Lenore said that she told Dean she was worried he’d wake the street up by pounding on the piano in the middle of the night, and when the kids said in their letter to me, Dad keeps opening the windows on the side by our house. Anyway, if it doesn’t happen again, it’s no big deal. If he pounds away tonight then yes, I’m gonna call over there for Tom’s sake, cuz I know Tom would never do shit about it no matter how many nights he was woken up or how pissed he got. If he won’t take care of any problems dumped on him, his loving wife will. I’ve met lots of childless people who were selfish and only cared about themselves, but it seems that people with kids are much worse for the most part. They think that just cuz they have kids, they own the world. They can do anything, and to hell with anyone affected by it.

We screwed around yesterday and like I said before, I made it clear to him that my “middle” was around the 31st and the 1st, so we’ll see if he conveniently avoids me. I was thinking of confusing him for the July period so he’d be thrown off as to when my middle would be then, but then I thought about it. I then realized it doesn’t matter where I am in my cycle. If he doesn’t cum, there’s no way for me to get pregnant if I can. So I said, fuck it. If he really wants a kid, he’ll cum. He’ll either never do so, or he will when he’s ready if he’s truly holding back. What are my guesses as to why he’s holding back? Well, they don’t go with what he’s said at all, but you never really do know if someone’s bullshitting you just to make you happy. Meaning, maybe he doesn’t want one but doesn’t have the heart to tell me and so he says he does want one. Maybe he really doesn’t think I’d be a good mom. Maybe he does fear for me physically and mentally the same way I do. Meaning, about the lack of sleep, the stress, the pain, etc. I know he’s capable of being jealous, so that could be it too, as well as the stuff we’re planning to do, the job change, and shit like that. It could be money. It could be a lot of things he doesn’t tell me, or that he tells me the exact opposite of.

I have a plan that I may have mentioned before that I’m thinking of starting to put into action. I’ll do it around July 1st, plus this is also what he claims will help him. Well, it’ll be hard for me to get used to, but I’ll omit all talk about cumming and having a kid and see if there’s a change in a couple of months or so. I have a very bad feeling, though. One that tells me nothing will ever change with him no matter what I do or do not say. I love this man and I don’t want to leave him, but the more months that pass with no changes makes me wonder what’s really going through his mind about everything and anything. I know the sayings like, life is full of false promises and people don’t always do what they say they’re gonna do, but if I find out for sure, or have a strong sense that he deliberately lied and led me on about a kid or other stuff, it’s gonna make me do some thinking. It would be the point of the matter that may have me thinking about our being together. I hope to God it never comes to that for either of us, but what else would I do or think? When I see that nothing will change month after month as I fear will be the case, what do I do? Stay cuz of how wonderful everything else is? Or leave and call him a head player and a liar? I’d like to think that I’ll be able to say to myself when this time comes, OK, he was never serious about cumming and having that kid, but no one’s perfect. At least all his other qualities are wonderful, if not, almost wonderful, and it’s not worth going off the deep end over and walking away from him. He has given me so much and has taken care of me in so many different ways be it chatting with me, caring for me when I’m sick, and the way he keeps food in this house and buys me journals and stuff like that. All stuff he could say he doesn’t care to buy or to take me to buy. He could’ve never bought me anything, kept barely two bites of food around, pushed me away when I wanted to talk, and never given a damn when I got sick or never dealt with my ear surgery.

I’ve reached the final straw with these mailmen and I called the PO today. I said I’m sick of having mail I sent returned to me that I know isn’t too thick or heavy. And I’m also sick of getting next door’s mail, and I know our mail’s gone elsewhere too. He said he’ll take care of it. Let’s hope so. I know that Irene W would return to us anything that looked important, and she has. I would think Lenore would too, but I don’t know about Dean or any other households.

I got a letter from Bob today and in it, he enclosed a small envelope that he addressed to me and put a stamp on. Well, the PO put a message on it saying something about the envelope not being of standard size. So, I tore the stamp off and put it on an envelope addressed to Kim with another stamp we had here. I put his remaining edit pages in it with a note to her about the problem and asked her to mail it to him. I know she’ll do me the favor and I can count on her. She also sent me a letter today. Deerfield has a new rule and that is that they don’t return letters to the sender that has postage due. In other words, if I send Kim a letter where there’s postage due, she has to pay for it.

MONDAY, MAY 29, 1995 The ultrasound I went for didn’t take too long, but I won’t know anything about that or anything else till next week.

I forgot to mention something Dr. Rugg said when she asked me about birth control. I said I wasn’t on any and that Tom didn’t cum. Then she said, “He doesn’t want to?” Then, “Or can’t he?”

Now, why would her first choice be to suggest he didn’t want to?

Something else also crossed my mind the other day for the first time, too. If he has a block about cumming, then why not a block on getting hard, too? He told me he’s relieved by wet dreams which are fine. We all have them. However, it’s a little insulting that that’s his #1 source of relief. Aside from having a kid, I wish he’d show me how much he appreciates me in bed here and there.

I still feel led on and teased about having a kid, but it’s his choice. If he really wants one, he’ll just have to cum, cuz despite what he says or Kim says, I still believe he has total control over it.

Other than that, we’ve had a fun day. We were swimming. We filmed that as well as Piggy swimming. It was really cool to see.

Andy and his roommate Diana brought the chair over. I’m wondering now if that wasn’t a big mistake. The back room’s never gonna be organized and there’s no room for it. Tom did clear out the little room out back, though, so now he’s got more room to work on stuff with. The couch is still here, and that being picked up by Goodwill has been put off like everything around here seems to be.

Tom says that unless he’s got a job interview, he’s gonna get business licenses this Thursday or Friday. Yeah, right! This I’ve got to see.

A movie’s going on soon that I want to see, so I’ll write more later.

Later…

I decided I’d write some more while the movie’s recording. I now only have two more journals to type up.

Last week I recorded myself singing a handful of songs to no music. Tom liked The Sweetest Gift the best. I wasn’t surprised. Nor was I when he said that I sing traditional country the best.

A tune to the song I wrote The Strangers Are Waiting flew into my head. I called Dad and sang a few lines to him cuz I wanted to see if it sounded familiar like a rip-off of some other song. He and Tom say it doesn’t sound familiar.

Dad also says a package is on its way.

Kim called a few days ago, too. She said it took Doug an hour and a half one night to cum. Still doesn’t make me feel any more confident that Tom will change no matter how much he says he can’t cum and he wants a kid. Before I continue on with my chat with Kim, I asked Tom if my telling him not to cum would make him go the other way and cum. His answer didn’t surprise me. He said, no, pressure to cum or to not cum would still keep him from cumming.

Kim says Doug’s finally found out who’s been sending him those crazy letters and she’s gonna leave him believing what he believes for now. He said he saw some ditzy-looking longhaired blond girl by his PO Box. He says she’ll now probably realize that the guy who last had that PO Box doesn’t anymore (he thinks she’s trying to write to the guy who previously had that PO Box). She said he almost threw the letters in her car. Too bad he didn’t, but Kim said he’d probably keep the letters forever.

Kim also says she got a letter out to me and is gonna send me a picture of her hair. She’s got something in it I can’t understand, that’s supposedly a big trend. She said something about sending directions on how to do it. Lastly, she took pictures of her apartment while we were on the phone that she’ll be sending.

Tom downloaded us some really cool games from AOL, but I’ll get into that later.

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 1995 Going for that ultrasound today at 2:00. Gotta start drinking as much as I can at 1:00.

Yesterday I broke a record for the first time since 1989. I went for 24 hours with no Theodur! I’m gonna see about doing that every other day, if not daily till I see Dr. Rauche.

Two days ago, on Wednesday, I finally got my first puzzle book from my subscription.

I’ll catch up with lots more writing later!

THURSDAY, MAY 25, 1995 I am so backed up and have so much to write about, so I better get with it. I just went to change Piggy’s cage so Tom would have one less thing to do. Well, he had drilled the holes on the sides a bit too close to the edges and it ripped through. So, I had to kind of tape the side together that you remove to scoop the sawdust out. We’ll have to get longer brackets on and drill new holes further in.

Now, about the stuff we got last Saturday. If I can remember everything, Tom got a couple of things that he put on the block wall to wind the hoses up onto, a new sprinkler, and I think that’s pretty much all he got. He may have gotten a few other things for the yard. We also got a new lounge chair, seeing that the one I’ve been using finally gave out. It’s a really pretty floral one of cloth and not plastic. It’s even got arms on it and is in between a piece of shit and top-of-the-line. I got an adhesive ashtray and why I put it on the left arm when I’m right-handed, beats me. We also got drink holders that you stick in the dirt in the ground or at the beach. They have skinny metal poles and plastic holders on top for cans of soda. We got a white one and a blue one.

I got a puzzle of puppies and a new binder. I think that’s all we got.

Can you believe that Tom finally got the vanity table from Mary’s house? At first, I was like - where the hell am I gonna put this thing? I did manage, though, to fit it into my room without having to rearrange too much stuff. The dresser was at the foot of the bed by the two windows in the front and I moved that to the side of the bed in between the two closets. That’s where I put the vanity table which is nicer than I thought, even though we’re gonna strip the old ugly off-white paint which is peeling, and repaint it. It has a huge mirror and we’ve got to find a way to attach that, too. Its bench which is the shape of a rectangle had a red cloth seat with 6 tacky patches on it of blue with corny flowers. I took an old floral skirt with a torn waistband and cut it to fit on it. Then I tacked it on the sides and it looks so much better. I had had a couple of those plastic shelves where I moved the dresser and I took those out of the room altogether. It’s so convenient to do my makeup with this thing. It’s got 6 little drawers and I’ve got stuff in it like makeup, hair stuff, and other odds and ends.

Today’s Tammy and Bill’s 9th anniversary, so I called them. She told me Mom and Dad sent them a flag, wind chimes, and something about Noah’s ark. I wouldn’t be too surprised if she sent us a flag for our anniversary.

I went to the doctor’s yesterday for a female exam and sure enough, it’s never been easier after having sex with a guy. When they do the swab, that’s uncomfortable no matter what size woman you are or how sensitive you are. All looked fine except for a little inflammation on the cervix. She said that’s normal for some people and don’t worry about it. I don’t think I’ll have to take anything for yeast or any kind of infection, but I’ll be notified about it soon either way. She didn’t feel any spooky lumps down there or in my tits. She said the Theodur plays a part in aggravating my tits as well as the gas in the lower right quadroon as they call it.

She’s a primary care doctor and she was really nice with a great sense of humor that makes you feel comfortable right away. Her name is Dr. Rugg and she was about in her mid-30s. She was 5’ 10” with medium-long curly blond hair. She was between average and a little above average in looks.

When I said how I hated to go for these kinds of exams, she said, “I know how it is. I have a crotch, too.”

She did say she’s known DES daughters who’ve had kids and that infertility wasn’t the issue as much as with cancerous cells.

So, then we got to discussing asthma. When I told her the meds I’ve been on now since 1989, she said that was an old fashion way of treating asthma. Then I said I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. So she said there’s a guy there who was willing to see me that knows all about asthma. If it weren’t for my seeing how good Dr. Nielsen is, I’d have been skeptical, even though they’re different kinds of doctors. I told her that between coming to AZ and the Phase-Out system, my lungs have never been better and that my goal is to somehow cut down or get off the Theodur completely and just take inhalers as needed. So, she said to leave the Proventil and Theodur alone for now and take an inhaler called Aerobid instead of the Azmacort cuz it’s supposed to be much much more potent. She said it’s better to put the medicine right into your lungs where the problem is, rather than to deal with it with pills. From what she told me, I guess they usually take someone that’s taking 300mg twice daily and have them just take it once before bed. I’ve taken the Aerobid twice so far and I do believe I already feel better. I last took my Theodur 14 hours ago and I don’t feel like I need it at all and I’m gonna see if I can just take it before bed tonight. I don’t mean to be playing my own doctor here, but I don’t see how that can hurt me to experiment with that till I see Dr. Rauche. Lastly, I’ll be going tomorrow for an ultrasound to make sure that it is really only a gas problem I’ve been having down in my lower gut.

So this means two more appointments, but very worth it to me if it’s gonna save time, money, and worry in the future, then that’s what counts. I’d love to get off the Theodur and have my 95% sure feeling confirmed that it is just a gas problem and no tumors. I’m sure, though, that if it was a tumor, I’d not only sense it, but I’d have more pain and symptoms.

MONDAY, MAY 22, 1995 We had a great weekend, but I’m so tired right now that I don’t know if I’ll write much.

My longest journals are the ones from when I first began writing. In my first year and a half or so of writing, I had few journals go 6-9 months.

Saturday Tom worked for a few hours, then he came home for an hour with lunch from Jack-in-the-Box. Then he went to the races with his parents.

Yesterday was a busy yet fun day, but first, I made it loud and clear that I’m due for my next period to Tom the day before our anniversary. The 14th. Therefore, it’s easy to remember that’ll it’ll be around June 1st that it’ll be my more than likely time to conceive (if I can). Well, the point is, a little test. I want to see if Tom happens to be too tired on those particular days, regardless of how much he says he wants it and doesn’t want to wait.

SUNDAY, MAY 21, 1995 Man, oh man, am I fucking pissed! I set the timer to record a movie I really wanted to see and fucked up on it. From now on, if I’m not available to watch or record something I want to see while it’s on - forget it. I’m a major grub right now who desperately needs a shower, so I’ll return here later.

FRIDAY, MAY 19, 1995 Yesterday my dad returned to Florida. I’m sure he’s very pleased to be back home.

I feel better, as I usually do after getting my period which I got on Wednesday.

Today’s supposed to be 100º. I believe this is our first 100º day of the year. We’ve been having a mild summer so far. We usually have 100º days beginning in April. Sometimes even in March.

Alex and I still exchange email by AOL and we’ll probably chat live once a month. I sent a letter to Larry and them guys which they should get today. I asked if they have Prodigy or AOL. For the hell of it, I oughta look them up and the M’s next door, too. That may not do me any good, though, if they’re using screen names.

One of the straps on the halter Ma sewed on is too high, so I’ll have to have her adjust it. She said it would be no problem if I needed it adjusted.

Tom put a new word search thing in my world but I can’t figure the whole deal out. There’s a thing to make your own puzzles, but I can’t figure out how to do it. It says to hit a certain button I can’t find.

Can’t think of anything else right now, so I guess I’ll go work on my story. I also have my library book to read, as well as my medley to continue with.

Later…

It’s a real bummer that I’m tired now cuz in a few days I have that appointment. I have to push it as late as I can.

I was laying out, and the lounge chair isn’t gonna hold up much longer. I hope we can get a new one this year, as well as that bee thing. Like I said, that’s one of the few things that really annoys me about Tom. True, he has to work full-time, but I still say part of it is all him hoping he can “make” me patient.

Another thing that slows him down from doing stuff and throwing stuff into place is the fact that he’s got so much stuff. Mainly stuff he’ll never use that just sits there and hogs up space. I can bet you that when we get new lounge chairs, he’ll keep these ripped-up old rusty ones here hogging up space.

I just wish he wouldn’t kid us both. He wants to go into business, he’s got plans for my singing soon enough, we’re gonna have a kid… Yeah, right! My ass we are! The cigarette machine was supposed to be done eons ago. I can go through and list a million different things he’s said that either never get done or only get partially done. And why do the back room? He’ll only trash it again a week later. None of this makes me love him any less, but I’m sick of it!

I wonder if there have been new people living across the street. A month or two after the heavy metal music vanished, he did, too. Then came a new security door (the kind we want) and other new decorations. However, that old, ugly, pitifully obnoxious van is still in the back of the driveway where it has been for a long time now.

Off goes Daddy next door to work now for 12-18 hours. I wonder what he does.

Nah, that might have been the car on the other side of him or the pig across the street two houses away from the music house, cuz it doesn’t sound loud enough. Plus, I think he leaves at 8:30.

Anyway, Tom’s being a slob and having so much stuff is another positive to not having the kid I know we’re not gonna have. I wouldn’t want the kid to take after that. I mean, that’d teach it to totally be messy and unorganized. Also, we have enough stuff to put away or up high on shelves. There’s no way I could keep any kid out of all this stuff.

In his room this morning I was asking him how come he had grocery lists from 20 years ago all over and he said, “Cuz I don’t have time to throw them out.”

Oh, a big two-second loss of his precious time! Yet he thinks he has time to go into business and have a kid? No wonder the guy won’t let himself cum. I agree with him and Kim about part of his not cumming being out of his control, but I still say that’s 5% of it. He can cum just fine.

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 1995 There really hasn’t been much going on to chat about right now. I’m gonna finish typing 78 tonight.

Good God. I swear that guy next door works way the hell over 40 hours a week. Where does he find the time to keep getting his wife pregnant? He just came in. What a life, though, with so many kids. Probably nothing but home and kids for her and work for him.

Later…

Just got done watching a movie and Tom’s now getting ready for work.

I finished typing and printing out 78. Now I’ll begin 80.

Last night I began redoing a medley of my favorite songs. I’ll keep working on it.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 17, 1995 Why do I always miscount when I'm due for my period? I wasn't due yesterday, I'm due today. After this period, I'll be getting the next one the day before our anniversary. Lucky me, huh?

There's nothing new to discuss now, so bye for now.

TUESDAY, MAY 16, 1995 I was due for my period today, but so far it's been all cramps and no period. I hate that.

Be back to write more later.

MONDAY, MAY 15, 1995 This will definitely be the last huge journal I’ll get. I still like it. It’s just a little awkward to write in. Especially when I lay in bed.

A few nights ago I puked. Thankfully it wasn’t much and I only puked once. I was nauseous, though, for a few hours before and after. Tom helped calm me down and what he told me sure has had me feeling much better. You see, I told myself that if I don’t talk about a kid it may help him get off (this is what he says, but I don’t believe he’ll ever get off either way). The bad side of that, though, is that it gets all bottled up. I didn’t want to talk about it, though, cuz I didn’t want him to feel pressured.

Then he finally said, “Look. We can’t have you sick, so talk about it all you want. I don’t want you keeping it in and bottling it up any more than I would with any other issue.”

This has made me feel so much better. It’s actually made me even think of a kid less often. Sure, I still want one, however, I still do have my fears about it, love to sing, and do all my other hobbies and there’s no fucking way I can be a day person every day. The way I see it, though, is we’ll probably never be able to have one, but it’s good to know I can still discuss it. Especially when I know that not discussing it isn’t gonna magically change things.

He brought the computer over to his parents today and he brought back my halter-top. She put straps on it and did a great job.

I didn’t know the Judds movie was a two-parter, but it is. I saw part one. It was great.

As for Norah’s movie - all her clothes are pitiful, cuz it’s set in the early 1900s, but she really doesn’t look bad at all. Her hair’s not too long, but it isn’t short. It’s about shoulder length. All her movies are so boring, except for The Guardian. I love to watch her, though, and I’ve got lots more to see. Tom did a fine job cutting commercials so they’d fit.

I finished the puzzle and taped it. I’ll put it up on the kitchen wall tomorrow.

Gotta see Dr. Nielsen tomorrow.

Later…

Dr. Nielsen’s appointment went great. It looks so healthy, that it’s even producing wax. So, he cleaned out a few flakes of dead skin and now I don’t have to go back till August 14th! Then, 6 months after that, which will be 1996, then a year after that which will be 1997. Tom was right about it all. He’s right about everything except saying things will be done or happen at certain times, his getting off, and us having a kid.

I left Andy and my mom a message about my ear, then called Tammy’s. She goes, “I don’t want to hear about your weather or your pool.”

Then Dad got on the phone and said, “It was 40º this morning and when I was working outside in Brimfield it was nothing but freezing and rain.” Then he goes, “Wait a minute. Let me take off my gloves.”

I was cracking up and I told him it was that way just for him and that it’d warm up when he leaves. True, he says, the weather is to warm up Wed. He’ll be leaving tomorrow and will arrive in Florida Thurs.

He was happy about my ear and said he believes Mom’s taping the Judds movie. I told Ma on her machine to call me if she hasn’t taped it for whatever reason and that I’d send it if need be.

Andy’s taping a two-part Stephen King movie and he wants to see the Judds movie, so we’re gonna swap tapes.

The rest of the Norah movie wasn’t too impressive. She had a million different ugly hairstyles and outfits. Yup, she looked her best in The Guardian.

Got a Bob letter today and he enclosed a drawing from a magazine of a girl who sort of resembles Gloria. I drew it and it came out pretty nice, but I didn’t mean to make her fat. She’s got a mama’s face.

Later…

Tom got home an hour ago and he’s in his room watching his show, then he’s gonna crash. We’re both beat. He had to get up early and I had barely 5 hours of sleep.

After the appointment, he dropped me off, then went back to work. Then, I cried for a few minutes, believe it or not. There’s knowing it’s over; then there’s knowing it’s over. It really hit me today. It’s over!

I saw their dog tied up out front today. Guess they exterminated again. That goes with having one kid, let alone so many cuz of the way they throw food all over, spit, and puke.

Well, I’m just gonna go veg out and do some puzzles for now. Maybe I’ll get more into that library book. I’ve only read a few pages so far.

SUNDAY, MAY 14, 1995 Well, Norah’s movie will be going on in 7 hours. Tom’s gonna cut some commercials. I’m gonna set my alarm for noon and I’ll cut commercials when I get up too, if he was unable to cut 15 minutes’ worth.

Tonight will be the Judds movie.

I spoke to Mom today who got my card today and was laughing with her over what Lisa and Tammy told me. It was only 45º there! HA! And poor dad’s stuck in it.

Tomorrow we’ll probably go swimming. All it needs is 5-8 more degrees on it and it’ll be perfectly comfortable.

There are more odds and ends I suppose I could write about. However, I’m gonna go work some more on that ice cream puzzle.

SATURDAY, MAY 13, 1995 We’ve sure been busy these last couple of days.

Tom’s putting together stuff for his parent’s computer that he’s gonna bring over tomorrow. His dad is 83 today.

Yesterday’s appointment was a waste as far as we’re concerned. They don’t really know what they’re doing in that particular area. She said a certain low pitch has gotten worse, but oh well. I know how I hear and that’s in between nothing and the good ear, so who cares about hearing tests? It’s probably a little gunked up with dead skin and he may want to vacuum it this time around when we go to Dr. Nielsen on Monday. At least it didn’t hurt and they didn’t put anything on to crush my skull. She just had me hold up one earpiece to my ear and didn’t test the good ear since that’s not what we’re concerned with.

After the boring hearing test, we went to the mall and ate. Then we went to a bookstore. Their journals were boring, but I did get another huge word search puzzle book. Who knows if my subscription will ever arrive? It seems like every other thing you order by mail never comes. Andy never got his 70s CD.

Tom got a computer disk with a book. I also got a few other things. A library book, and cuz he was a day late getting the last book back, he owed 30¢. I said, “Bad boy.”

Then the woman asked if the book was for me and I said yes. Then she says, “Don’t be a bad girl.”

I got my third doggie mug, so now I have a collie, an Irish setter and a cocker spaniel, and a huge puzzle of ice cream sundaes.

THURSDAY, MAY 11, 1995 I’m out back right now and it’s absolutely gorgeous. The perfect temp. Earlier it was pretty hot at 92º. The pool temp made it up to 79º today. Why does 79º feel like 59º? Well, I didn’t swim, but come late afternoon I was able to quickly dip in up to my neck.

I’m still troubled with thoughts of having a kid, but it’ll keep on getting less and less and I’ll outgrow it, I’m sure. Especially when I look at all the negatives of having a kid. While I may believe more what he and Kim say about his not cumming, I still believe he’ll never cum whether or not I mention a kid. And he knows this. I only hope the day will come that he’ll admit this and not be indirectly or directly leading me on. I sure as hell don’t want to believe for a minute that he could be leading me on about this one subject, but time will continue to tell. He may not be a TM (typical male), he may say he wants a kid and mean it, but he’s still a guy. Having a kid ain’t much of a guy thing.

I made our swing quite comfy. I stuck that twin-size foam mattress on it and threw a sheet over it.

Gotta go online with Alex soon.

Later…

I chatted with Alex for about 40 minutes. This time we had no problems sending each other private instant messages. He got a job with IBM up in Burlington Vermont which he’s moving to real soon. Vermont - yuck!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 1995 Tom had an interview this morning with Bank of America that I just know went well and has good benefits. I only hope the pay is good and his hours and days off are what we want.

We’re gonna be ordering some sex toys if Tom doesn’t forget, cuz you have only 10 days to mail it in if you want 50% off. We haven’t filled out the form yet, but some of the things we may get are chocolate cream (for when he goes down on me), a fruit-flavored body massage oil that warms the body as you rub it on, so you don’t get chilled. Maybe a clit vibrator too, for when I’m on my own.

Later…

Yeah!! That movie, A Woman of Substance with Norah in it is on this Sunday. The only problem is, the damn thing runs for 6 hours and 15 minutes. I’ll either have to have Tom record a half hour or so of it in his room or find a way to make sure I’m up to sit there and pause it on commercials till I’ve cut 15 minutes of those out. If only I didn’t have 3 fucking appointments this month to get in the way! I’ll ask Tom what he thinks is the best way to handle it and together we’ll figure it out.

I got up at 10:00 this morning and couldn’t get in to retrieve our messages. After an hour of being on hold and typing up several pages, I finally got through to a VM repairperson. They’re working on it now and they say we’ll get a discount.

Later…

Thank you, Kim!! We had a little chat yesterday about the birds and the bees which really helped me to feel less alone. When I called her I told her I’d thought about bringing this up to her before and was wary of it, till I told myself, hey, what are friends for?

I told her Tom’s never cum since we’ve been together and that he said he did once, but nothing came out. Well, she told me that she could never feel Mark or Doug cum, and that yes, that’s possible. Possible for them not to have a discharge or have only a very small one, I mean. I asked her if it were possible for a guy to cum while they’re going really slow. Yup, she said. Doug’s that way. She says Tom’s most definitely not kidding about sexual issues or about having a kid. This is cool, cuz while it’s natural for me to be a skeptic here and there, I know he’s been honest about everything else. Maybe except for when Kim, Phil, and Alex were here, though. She agreed with me that if he were playing with my head over this, he’d play with my head over all kinds of things. People don’t usually lie about 1-3 things. They lie about almost everything. Soon, I’ll write about what she asked me and what I told her that made her feel better and less alone.

Later…

About the question Kim had for me - she told me she’s never cum by penetration and wanted to know more about that. I remember when I was about 21 I had the same questions. I let her know that I, as well as half of the women in this world, can’t cum by penetration alone. When Tom’s in there, I have to do my clit with my hand as much as I enjoy Tom in there. Me telling her this made her feel just as good as it did me when she let me know I’m not alone. She also told me that Doug doesn’t always cum, not that he doesn’t enjoy what she does. She says he also goes from hard to soft a lot like Tom does and has no problems getting hard either.

OK - these people next door have been doing great, so why are the kids out there screaming now, and is it even them? I hear a boy that sounds older than the boy next door and I hear some vehicle running, but it doesn’t sound close enough to be next door, so who knows?

TUESDAY, MAY 9, 1995 I amazingly slept last night from about 10 PM - 8 AM. I slept solidly. I didn’t wake up to go to the bathroom and I can’t remember one dream. Just when I asked myself why I did that, cuz my schedule was actually backing up, I remembered having to take an allergy pill last night. I felt groggy upon waking up and I still do.

Yesterday Tom said he felt like he had a cold, and I finally began working on my story.

Tom had read the letter from the two girls next door. He never said anything about it and told me it was up to me to talk to them if I wanted to, but I wonder. He likes the sound of kids (or seems to) and told me months ago that he hoped I’d get used to it cuz he wants a kid someday. Maybe I’m wrong, but he always seemed to want me to be around when they were noisy. I’ve also noticed that whenever I’m around when he’s watching TV he flips the channel to kids’ stuff, cartoons, and shows. I’m beginning to feel more and more like he’s teasing me with the subject of a kid. Why, though? Why would he do this to me? I have a bad feeling that he knew all along since day one he’d never cum. He’s said just as much stuff about wanting one as he’s said about not wanting one, but I’m beginning to believe anything he’s ever said about wanting one was only to make me happy. Did he know all along he’d never cum? Was he against having a kid from day one? If he really is, and if he really is teasing me, then why? How can a guy who’s otherwise one in a million do this and play with my head this way? He denies teasing me, but if he really wants a kid that bad, why doesn’t he cum? Why say he wants it? Why say he thinks the responsibility would be good for me and that he feels I’d be a good mother?

I asked him a while back if he’d say he came every now and then cuz that’d turn me on and make me feel more normal, so to speak. He said he couldn’t do that cuz he’d feel like he was lying. Yeah, well, I have a feeling he said that as a cover-up for those other two times he claimed to cum which he didn’t.

I was half wrong about one thing, though, but he clarified himself yesterday. He said it’s not mandatory that he sleep with me to get me pregnant, but says it’ll help. I agree and can understand that, but people do get pregnant by people who don’t even live with them. The guy’s got too many excuses, whether they’re legit or not. He’s sick, he tired, he’s out of shape, got things on his mind, etc.

Well, there are still other facts to consider too, with or without him cumming. Is my plumbing OK? If there is really a God (which I’m not always too sure of) does He think it will kill me in the ways I always feared? Does He want me to keep this wonderful life I never thought I’d have with nothing to interfere with it or ruin it? Does He think it’s wrong? Does He want me to wait till I’m 40? Will the desire ever go away like others have? God, I have so many of the same never-ending questions. Will they ever get answered?

Later…

Tom would be the perfect husband if he’d only stop putting off things, trying to change certain things, and if I only knew and he could prove that this baby thing isn’t all just one big joke on me. There have been countless things we were gonna buy, make, or do that he constantly puts off. I know these things take time, aren’t always in the budget, and he’s been trying harder lately. However, I really think it’s part of his trying to force and instill patience in me. He denied that and I believe 95% or more of the stuff he tells me, but there are still some things I just cannot buy so easily.

He also tells me he’d never try to change me and how I’m such a good decorator. So why does he put stuff back in places he knows I don’t put them? I think it’s for two reasons. One’s cuz he’s trying to show me that my way isn’t the only way. He once even commented to me saying I have this certain assumption of how things should be. The other is cuz I really believe he’s obsessed with me picking up after him.

I’m skeptical about the final finishing of the back room. He’ll only re-trash it. Forget about doing his room and going through and ditching or sorting through a basket of old clothes of his. We were supposed to do that 6 months ago.

He said he wanted to call about getting business licenses on May 1st. He could’ve called or gone there after work. This business thing has me wondering just like with the kid. He’s full of shit!

Anyway, if life stays just as it is (even though he says change is inevitable), then fine. It’s better than my old life, but I’m always gonna be angry about being led on. I just wish he’d stop saying he’s gonna do stuff that he never does or that he does 6 months after he says it.

I proofread the stories he said he was gonna read long ago and says he’ll read this weekend.

Just when our 90º weather dropped off to the 70s and threw the pool temp down to 70º, it’s back. Back in the 90s, so soon it’ll be plenty comfortable for a swim. It’s 76º now and I know most people could deal with that, but it seems I can’t deal with it under 83º.

My stomach’s been looking and feeling so much better since I stopped eating dairy. Less gas, bloating, and constipation.

MONDAY, MAY 8, 1995 I went to bed last night close to 11 PM and got up at 4:30 this morning.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping, then over to his parents. Marge is gonna put straps on a halter-top I have that falls right down. Tom was showing her stuff on the computer, while Ray entertained me on the Pachinko machine.

After we left, we went to a park with life-size metal statues of people. They looked so real. Especially from a distance.

Lastly, we went to the Osco where I got 3 small 100-piece puzzles. They’re only 7 x 9, but they’re so cute. I got one of rabbits, cats, and dogs. They’re up on the kitchen wall now.

I also got makeup remover, nail polish, and a very smart purchase I saw advertised on a TV commercial. Oil of Olay has a body shampoo with a pink scrubbing puff and supposedly you won’t need lotion with this stuff. It’s great! It really lathers up well, all you need is a little drop and it really works. This is so much more convenient cuz putting lotion on is a pain in the ass. Especially when I’m trying to do my back. It’s greasy, too.

I forgot to mention what I got for only $9 at the grocery store. A lamp/organizer. The lamp is on a long stick-like thing you can adjust to wherever. It came with paper clips, thumbtacks, a notepad, and a built-in tape dispenser. The tape dispenser’s too low and all messed up, but this is OK since we’ve got 4 of them around here. It’s got other slots and grooves for stuff. On it, I’ve got pens, drawing pencils, erasers, paper clips, the notepad, address labels and stamps.

Andy left a message saying he got the typed edits. He said he couldn’t believe I could sit there and type that for hours, and he couldn’t see himself reading it unless he was totally bored. He will, though, he says, cuz of all the time and work I put into it.

Later…

You have no idea just what a relief it is to see them so quiet next door. For the first time since they’ve been here, I can honestly say I hope they don’t move. With my luck, they’ll move soon and another huge family will move in. The difference would be that the parents would be like most people and not give a shit.

I called Tammy who says Bill’s not doing too well. Dad will be there next Mon. and will be leaving the following Wednesday which is the 17th. On the 19th he’ll be back in Florida.

When I told her that her genius brother-in-law put in a garbage disposal, she said, “So.” Then I remembered her house doesn’t have one, so maybe she’s jealous.

I told her big sisters are supposed to look out for little sisters and little sisters are supposed to tell big sisters about health and beauty stuff so I told her about that Oil of Olay body wash.

I had 3 songs on oldies #1 tape that are now on CD, so I stuck songs in their spots from an incomplete tape.

Tom and I had a hot debate a few days ago and I totally disagree with everything he said. He asked if I wanted him to get a vasectomy cuz he was sick of playing this game. I said, “Excuse me?”

Yeah, I can be contradicting on the subject of having a kid, cuz there are both reasons to do so, as well as to not do so, but he is just as contradicting about it. All I can do on my part in the hopes of getting pregnant is lay back and spread my legs. Meanwhile, he’s done nothing to put his actions where his mouth and desires are. Then he goes on to tell me he can suddenly start cumming just like that. Yeah, right. Then why doesn’t he?

Then he says he has to be sleeping with me before we can make a kid which I know wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. So, I finally told him, “Look. Don’t be leading me on. You say you think I’ll be pregnant between May and July and we both know this isn’t true. Next, you’ll say you think it’s gonna be between August and October, and well…don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”

Plus, he knew we couldn’t be sleeping together full-time by May and July, so why did he say we had to sleep together to make it? Meaning, why’d he say May to July when he should know that’s too soon to sleep together? Our not sleeping together may make me feel “abnormal,” but it’s just not gonna happen. He said failing’s when you don’t try, not when you try and something doesn’t work out. Well, Saturday night we tried it and boy did I ever feel like a failure. He disagrees with me, but yes I did try and no I can’t change myself. It’s not that I don’t want to, cuz I can carry on my business of writing, listening to music, etc. It’s just not me. There are always some things about ourselves we cannot change and I don’t want myself or him to kid ourselves about it. Just like I couldn’t make myself be tall, I can’t sleep with him, maintain a schedule, have a kid, or quit smoking.

Like I said before, it’ll take time, but I’ll get over not having a kid. Most people don’t like or want the same things forever. I got over never being with a woman more often and I don’t miss not having that. There are only a few things I hope I never get sick of and bored with like Tom, singing, and writing. Well, actually, there’s lots of stuff I hope I’ll always be into.

Shit, I got a wart growing on the front of my thigh, a few inches above my knee.

SATURDAY, MAY 6, 1995 Tom put up our new shelves in the back room and he's now installing the garbage disposal.

Guess what came in the mail today? The CDs! Linda's Living in the USA came as well as the 70s one.

FRIDAY, MAY 5, 1995 Amazingly, I finished typing all the edits yesterday. On a size of point 9 they take up 19 pages. I condensed it down to 11 pages with point 7 or 6, and I’m sending copies to Andy, Kim and Bob.

Yesterday I also got the signing program disk from Alex. It’s pretty cool, although some of the illustrations are poorly drawn. The quiz is no challenge for me since it’s really for beginners. A sign comes up with 5 words next to it and you click on the word you think it is and it tells you if you’re right. Boy, times have changed! When I learned, it was from a book. It’s so much easier and more convenient for people to learn on the computer where you can just scroll down a list in alphabetical order and the sign comes up with each word. It’s just harder to carry around with you like it is to take a book out to wherever.

Later…

I laid out earlier and did a few other things. I did some word puzzles when I was out. I washed my comforter, changed the bed, sang, made spag, did a few dishes, and typed a few letters. I think I’ll go type up some of 76 now.

Later…

Tom just got off of work at 4:00, but he mentioned stopping at a hardware store for shelves. We’re gonna put up more wooden shelves to replace those flimsy plastic ones. We’re also gonna put up ones that are only about 6” in depth (from the wall on out) for all his disks.

I’d like to check into clipart and decorating stationary. Papers I type letters on and journal stuff. Alex used that really cool FBI seal in his letter. Supposedly, there are ways to get pictures around or amid stuff you type. I’ve seen and done it before, but I’d like to know more about it. Especially how the seal was done. It was on the paper beforehand and it’s very light so your typing can be seen and read easily.

Gotta trim my bangs one of these days real soon. It looks really scruffy and I still have a million split ends.

A couple of mornings ago I was horny as Tom was going to work. He told me I’d have to take care of myself till he got back. I asked if he ever took care of himself when I’m asleep. He said if he has the time. I asked if he just gets himself horny and aroused, or does he go all the way? He said he only gets himself horny and aroused. God! I hate to call my husband a liar, but I just don’t see how this is possible. Especially for as long as we’ve been together. I mean, he may not be a typical male, but he’s still a guy. A human being. I’m sure he relieves himself whenever he can. Either that or he has wet dreams constantly. He probably just told me that so as not to upset me. Why would I bother getting upset over it after all this time? I might if it kept going on for years. Then again, maybe not, cuz I don’t expect a change even though he’s 100% sure it will. He says things can “suddenly” change and he says he doesn’t want to wait. Yet there are no actions to go with these words.

We were discussing last night how I’m afraid to succeed and move on, even with the stuff I want and it’s true. I told him, though, there are things he could do too, that’d help us both. I told him that as far as us sleeping together, to either move in or don’t. I still feel the same about that. I want him to cuz we love each other and would feel more “married,” but that’s a classic example of how changes and progress can scare me. I just don’t want to return to the days of having to deal with being woken up constantly. Also, he promises not to trash this room, but I still have to see that to believe it. As far as I’m concerned, the rest of the house is one thing, but this room is my space.

Time for a cigarette, then I shall return to write more.

Later…

I just listened to a message from Andy that he must’ve left when I was out back or had the music on. His roommate who’s 100% better, loved my little crayon can that I made him as well as the edits. Especially Karson’s. So many people like the edits, and two of his friends, Quinn and Goofy, have copies. I told him I gotta start charging people $5 per tape!

I’m gonna go food shopping this Sunday with Tom, but I sure as hell ain’t looking forward to the fucking crowd. I really hope he gets at least one weekday off soon, preferably two.

Later…

I just decorated several pages. My own homemade journal clipart.

Well, it’s almost 6:00, so I guess Tom wasn’t too tired. I was kind of panicky last night for the first time in a while. There is hope, though, of getting over and growing out of certain things.

Later…

Tom found a note for me on the front door dated March 8th. Two of the girls next door typed it up on their computer, which is a piece of shit like Tammy’s, but very sweet and sincere. I’ll put it in my binder with all my other letters.

I typed out a quick thanks-for-the-letter-and-understanding note and stuck it in their door next door. How can they play on the other side of their house, though, like they said they’ve been doing? The other side of their house would be the driveway of the other house next to them. Nonetheless, it’s been great around here and I’m so glad, cuz most people just don’t give a shit. I know all too well about that thanks to Barbara, Robert, and Andi.

Before I get into what Tom bought, let me back up to what I was saying right before he got home. The reason why I have the hope of getting over and growing out of wanting a child is cuz people’s desires and goals do change. Also, here are examples. When I was around 21, I knew it was never meant for me to be with a woman. Yes, I’m still right, as well as wrong with things I feel. It took me a few years, but I did live through it and got to the point where I could deal with it, accept it, move on, and get over it.

Tom got more shelves as I said he was gonna, but we’ll still need more. The guy’s got a lot of books, magazines, and disks. He got a fluorescent light for the kitchen, like the one by the computer. He got wiring for the garage, so we can have a light to flick on when we’re coming and going at night. Right now there are only 2 or 3 long fluorescent lights towards the center and back of the garage and one that’s sound activated. It looks like a nightlight. Lastly, we finally have a garbage disposal! Yes! No more scraping and straining food out to dump in the pail, and hopefully no more clogged sink either.

THURSDAY, MAY 4, 1995 Well, I’m dubbing the second edit tape right now for Andy. He’s gonna hang onto the backups. I won’t dub the third tape, though, till it’s filled up. The next step is to type up all the edits. I’ve already got a tape’s worth of them already typed up. When I’m done with that I’ll send Kim and Bob a copy, and I asked Andy if he wants one.

Yesterday I took a beautiful shirt that’s way too tight since my chest has grown a couple of inches and I took off its colored jewel stones. Then, I glued them on 83’s binder.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 3, 1995 My God, I honestly don’t believe it! Andy finally sent the card he got Tom for doing his taxes. Andy’s one of those who either never does what he says he’s gonna do or he does it 10 years after he says he’s gonna do it. Anyway, I’m not gonna open it cuz it’s addressed to him, but I’m sure he’ll be quite pleased and I’ll see it later.

The cutting of all the edit tapes is finally done. I have two 90-minute tapes filled up and half a side of a third.

We got a new modem which is faster and goes inside the computer. I sent Alex a message and got one from him. I’m surprised there weren’t several from him asking where the fuck I’ve been. He sent the sign language disk by UPS. Why is he using UPS and not regular mail?

I called CT and Bill answered. He’s doing OK and the girls got their letters. I quickly talked to Tammy, then Dad got on. He goes, “Jodi Lin! I went by your old place in Niantic and gave them the finger. We were by Genovese, Shop Rite, etc.”

Yup, that’s a 2-minute walk to Oakwood Knoll if you cut through the woods. I also reminded him that that’s Norwich, not Niantic. He asked if I got the package and what I thought about the catalog. I told him just what I typed in their letter about that and all the other stuff in the package. Ma said she’s saving all the letters in his drawer for him. He got the letter all about it right after he split.

He said when he left Florida, he left in shorts and it was 85º. It was in the 50s in North Carolina and last night it was raining and a chilly 47º when he arrived in CT. He said he had to sleep under the covers since it was cool.

Friday he’ll be at Larry’s.

Andy and I used to sing bits and pieces of this song called How Do You Do, but neither of us has heard it in years. Well, I got it taped today and left the bulk of it on his VM.

TUESDAY, MAY 2, 1995 Better get on with the writing before I slip too far behind. I just may get this annoying lower gut of mine checked out now that I’ve got real insurance and real doctors. Tom and I are still sure it’s gas and lousy eating habits. However, If I go and tell a doctor that I’ve had these constant feelings of gas and bloating and that my lower right gut is more swollen, maybe I’ll be told some other tip to help it that I don’t know about. I discussed this with Mom and Tammy, and they said to see a doctor.

Bill’s home now after two months and I sent him a welcome home letter. Why I did when I never really cared too much for the guy beats me. Maybe cuz it’d make Tammy happy.

I also left Lenore a note after all. Yesterday I put a note on her door thanking her for understanding and considering my earlier request (yes, it’s been wonderfully quiet around here). I said I was home a lot and that she could ring the doorbell if she wants to chat or have coffee. I’m sure she’s a very busy person, but I only hope the oldest kid can watch all the others if she were to decide to pop on over.

I finished the two puzzles my parents sent, taped their backs, and put them up on the living room and kitchen walls. I had a music puzzle I had done a few months ago and I put that back together too, and up on the door of the little room off the back room. Luckily, I didn’t crumble it up when I stuck it back in its box, so I only had to redo 5% of it.

I also put my little white plastic shelf up in the bathroom that I got from Nancy H. That’s the one who lived in Jai’s studio the first time I was living on Woodside Terrace when I was 21. I was 20, actually, when I first moved into that apartment.

I put up a Nintendo game holder on the living room wall by the TV.

I sorted more disks in the back room and grouped the two sizes together. Tom and I have both done lots of sorting of all kinds of stuff in the back room. We’re gonna get more shelves for books, magazines, and disks.

I called the 800# where I ordered the 70s CD. According to them, I’ll get it on the 10th. Oh, I hope so!

Our modem is completely broken, so we’re gonna get a newer, faster one.

Dad probably spent last night somewhere in the Carolinas. He’s gonna be at Tammy’s tonight. Tammy isn’t too thrilled about the fact that he’s mostly gonna be in Brimfield and only spend a couple of days there. That’s how they usually are, though. He has friends there. The E’s. I met them back in ‘89 with Boo and Max, and Max wouldn’t shut his big mouth.

When I called ma I asked if dad was in the land of the old, ugly, and expensive and she goes, “Speak English.”

Typical response from her. She was pleasant, though, other than that. She said Heidi threw up all over. Max and Heidi are their dogs. They’re poodles. That’s all they’ve ever had since I’ve been alive.

Alex has no doubt been trying to get ahold of me through AOL, so I sent him a regular letter letting him know our modem was a goner, but that I’d contact him as soon as I could.

We did end up swimming on Sunday and I swam twice yesterday, too. Tom heated it up a little to give it a jump-start, even though it’s been between the upper 80s to low 90s. The pool temperature was 84º on Saturday, 86º yesterday and today it’s 81º. It’ll go up to 84º - 86º before the day’s out.

Yesterday Tom suggested I try to draw a cartoon and I tried to draw 6 scenes. The first 5 of a bunny running. The last scene was to have it meet up with another rabbit with a carrot. By the time I got to scene 3, it was like - no way! I’d need some pictures to copy. I’m not quite talented enough to be able to do it off the top of my head.

Later…

It is a hot one out there! I went to get my 10 minutes or so of gradual sun exposure and color while I did a word puzzle. Ten words later, though, I was frying and you know how fast I am at word puzzles. The pool’s 82º but it feels much cooler. Anyway, I am definitely getting color.

I’m gonna straighten my hair soon, so I’ll be back after I do that.

Later…

The pool is gonna wait a couple of days now since I straightened my hair. No problems with my ear when I went swimming. Dr. Nielsen was right when he said I’d be able to get water out if it easier cuz the canal’s straight. Yup, it ran right out.

The day before yesterday he went down on me and I came as usual. My desire’s picking up now since I’m mid-cycle.

As I said before, Tom gives off more desire to have a kid, but some things are still mixed and confusing to me. He says he doesn’t want to wait, but yet yesterday when I said I may be ovulating he said he’d rather have sex for fun and not worry about that. He says he can’t mix work with fun and that that’d be stressful. Well, I’ve seen him mix work and fun numerous times and millions of people have that on their minds, plan, and get pregnant. Most of the guys cum, though. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m with a guy who doesn’t cum. I love Tom and we’ll always be together, even though we’ll never have a child, but why? It doesn’t make sense for him to be playing with my head on this subject, cuz head players play in all subjects. Meaning, if he were leading me on with having a kid, he’d do it with other things and do other stuff that’s worse, right?

There was one situation a month or so ago that did bug and annoy me, though. He first started by saying, “We’re gonna be jealous of David and Evie.” It was almost like he wanted to give me a few seconds to think, oh, she’s having another kid and we don’t even have one. But the thing we were supposed to be jealous of was that they got a big-screen TV. What he really feels and thinks is sort of irrelevant, though, cuz it’s not gonna happen, cumming or not.

Andy told me that a girl who left her boyfriend moved into his place for his last month there. I hope he finds something by June 1st cuz he already gave his 30-day notice. I think his moving is foolish cuz he loves his apartment and isn’t gonna find anything much nicer for much cheaper.

Anyway, he told me all about this girl. Yes, he’s still the same old gossiper. It works out OK, though, cuz we’re not both this girl’s friend. He says she cleans well and is a cool person, but he’s not happy about her having company while he’s out, or tweaking. Tweak is a type of speed. He says carless, jobless losers along with assholes, mental cases, and druggies are all that are attracted to him. Yeah, I know all about that as for every one good person there are 1000 assholes. However, as I told him, that doesn’t mean he has to open his door and associate with these low-life jerks just cuz they’re all that’s available.

Later…

It sure is windy out there now and it seems to be a lot. It’s weird, though, cuz when I first got here it seemed that it was always dead still out.

I tried to draw a picture of Norah earlier. The picture came out OK, but it doesn’t look like her.

I took a blank notepad and divided it into 5 sections. 1. Letter notes to Kim and Bob. 2. Letter notes to my parents and Tammy. 3. Projects. 4. Story notes. 5. Journal notes.

I’ve often wondered what it’d be like and what I’d write if I were beginning my very first journal now. I’m sure my grammar, spelling, and vocabulary would be much better than in my first one. Maybe someday I’ll do this and see how I’d write as if it were my first one.

Hurry up, mailman!

MONDAY, MAY 1, 1995 I can't believe it's May already! Well, I don't really have anything to say right now, other than I hope I get my CD today. I'll write about the weekend later.

[gritty-big-naturals]

Get to know me tag game

tagged in by @artemistlbreadco, fuckin lov u king ❤️

What is your astrological big three?

aquarius sun, aries moon, gemini rising (altho i do not particularly believe in the horoscope stuff)

Last song?

shitlist — L7

it’s a fucking bop and a half

Currently reading?

working on simultaneous rereads of the entire hitchhikers guide series and also lord of the rings. hitchhikers guide i’m halfway through restaurant at the end of the universe, and lotr barely even counts as a reread bc i open to a random page and just go from there pretty much every time i read it at this point

Last movie?

watched mommie dearest with my roommates last night. hadn’t seen it before. pretty fucked up but also a fuckin blast to watch

It’s karaoke night at your favourite dive bar, which song are you singing?

oh god i don’t usually do karaoke bc i got the big anxiety but if i did it’d probably be some fucking emo song i guess ?? either that or perhaps holding out for a hero because i love that song so fucking dearly

Currently working on?

well i just finished replaying pokemon violet story wise but i still need to complete the pokedex so thats prob gonna be the next Thing on the list

also like. tryna find a new job which is always a Great and Fun Time

tagging (no pressure)

@whore-heartedly @t-o-m-c-a-t @sportshaternumber36 @othellho and whoever else sees this and wants to do it! ik there are fuckin more of ya i want to tag but i am. so got damn high rn and my brain is not working at full capacity

[dufferpuffer]

Goddamn I have been graced by @hollowed-theory-hall @thick-woollen-socks this is better meta than anything I could do

I'm gonna ramble about headcanon shit now. B^)

I like to think that the 'wand chooses the wizard' is not an common practice - but more like an old wives tale. An old wives tale that's true/has alot of truth to it? Probably. But that most wizarding families don't particularly buy into it.

It sounds like SUCH a marketing ploy. 'Everyone in your family needs their own unique wand crafted especially to their horoscope or vibe or whatever - and that might be the opposite sort of thing to what you want... but might be what you need' Yeah alright old man, just give me a Cypress and Dragon Heartstring like my dad.

I think it more common to ask for the type of wand you WANT to use, even if its a poor match for your 'soul' or whatever. And to use family heirlooms. I think Lucius Malfoy would pass his wand down to Draco when he dies - and that its probably his own dads, and grandfathers.

And there is merit in that - in a world where wands can change alliance. Maybe your own personally crafted wand will be the absolute perfect fit - but the Malfoy wand passed down through generations is also going to be good enough to ANY Malfoy.

It's just weird that the Elder wand is the only truly pass-around-able wand.

I like to think that 'The Wand Chooses the Wizard' isn't uncommon - but is mostly done to muggleborns and such, due to their lack of family history and knowledge. Most wizarding kids are either using heirlooms - or have had their parents ask for a particular type of wand, knowing basic wandlore... and probably making mistakes. "My child NEEDS an elm wand - my family has ALWAYS used elm."

They aren't trusting the magic, or the wandmaker - and it might be holding them back and giving muggleborns etc. an advantage.

And you change through your life. Like the Blackthorn and Sycamore examples - A wand that requires hardship to bond, or a wand that gets bored when idle... wouldn't it make sense for a wizard to seek these things out? "I'm a Healer. I use my wand every day. I could nurture a Sycamore wand." or "I'm an Auror. A blackthorn wand will inevitably become my companion." ...While a parent might insist on a wand that's a little less needy for their timid 11yr old about to head to school. Even if it is a temporary wand for while they are at school.

Ron was using Percy's old wand. Why did he get a new one...? Was it already a pass-me-down? Probably. He hardly needs a perfect wand to learn Lumos and Leviosa in the early years of school... and when they are older, you can learn what their passions are. Does Percy have a 'fitting' wand even now? Or did he get a specific wand made to suit his ambitions?

Anyway, uh... I like to think Muggles are magical, too. That humans are just baseline magical creatures. But the ability to feel and focus and control that magic is something we have lost, because we could adapt very well without it.

Magic is a fickle thing - and we have many instances of magical folk losing their magic simply through being depressed and shit. If you are relying on a delicate specialty skill to do everything - then when you lose it you are absolutely fucked.

You can rip a dozen wing/tail feathers from a pigeon and they can still fly - But losing just one or two key feathers from a hawk's wings....? They are fucked. They can't fly or hunt. You need to get a shed feather from a donor bird and carefully cut it exactly right to splint it onto the missing feather - or nurse them until they grow it back.

A magical community that gets its water from magic and lights its fires with magic and fuses their housing materials with magic (like the Burrow) and travels by magic - a tragedy in the community risks kneecapping everyone through depression. No wonder they are historically were spread out and secretive. A few wizarding people amongst a bunch of Muggles is actually much safer - because muggles are hardy, crafty motherfuckers.

But if we have some magic to us that we can't control - that opens the door to cool shit. 'Vibes' - that Muggles don't always like magical folk because they feel weird. Not necessarily evil or bad - just odd. Special. 'Miracles'. You are suddenly healed, or something miraculous happens - your magic manifested into a spell. Wands that probably shouldn't even sense us... to having extreme negative reactions. or perhaps even positive: A muggle wife/husband picking up their partners wand to defend themselves from a spell - and it works. They cut through the spell like a sword. The wand recognized them... and protected them.

Would this mean a muggles magic could be channeled for them? Could an incredibly talented witch/wizard help push a muggles magic through a wand, using their own to help...? Just to be romantic or whatever probably lol

Perhaps we do do magic. Perhaps some of our very oldest practices are magical - or the highest, most refined forms of them are displays of trained, honed muggle magic. Fermentation. Medicine. Farming. Hell, fighting. How much is instinct and having a 'feel' of things magic...?

Magic is an element of the world, in most if not all living things - some animals are more magical than others... but I see no reason to think that magic isn't in everything. EDIT: How much is 'doing something with love' doing it with magic? Being a good cook because you do it 'with love'? Being good at gardening because you do it 'with love'? How much is 'talent' an expression of magic? We already know that Love is a type of magic - or helps to express a particular type of magic. Something instinctual and old and core.

Giving your full attention, with strong intent, with focus, with many hours of condensing your knowledge and wisdom into instinct...

We know how important intent is even outside of a magical sense: A crap thing done earnestly, with effort and love poured into, it has an appealing, attractive quality. It is enchanting. (or to immature people: cringe repulsion... but either way a strong reaction for something that would otherwise be at best uninteresting otherwise.) Is that a form of magic?

Might try and look into it more sometime - but the effects of a Muggle picking up a wand is such a weird topic.

I would have thought that there would be no effect. Muggles don't have magic to channel through the wand, nor any for the wand core to... 'sense'. 'mesh with'. 'like' or 'dislike'. A muggle picking up a wand would be like picking up a twig - at most perhaps feeling some sort of magical hum from an active core, or the core misfiring from latent magic left in it or something.

And yet from memory there are mentions of a Muggle picking up a wand being dangerous. Like the Muggle that founded the American magical school was blown back (i think?), or general warnings of it 'not being safe'.

But why...? Wands are not particularly safe objects - Moody tells harry off for keeping his in his back pocket - but surely that is due to a Wizards latent magic and the bond the core has with their Wizard. Someone jumps out at you and your twitchy wand core fires a spell directly into your ass - because even if you didn't mean to, your magic still flowed through it.

Wands are trusted enough outside of magical hands not to misfire - left on desks and stuff... Would that not be the same thing as a Muggle holding it?

Muggles have a latent magic to us that we can't control. We ARE magical creatures, we just lack the ability to channel it...?

Wands are SUPER PICKY about who holds them... but not so much to animals. Your cat can pick up your wand, but a fellow human cannot. Wands are anti-muggle for some reason...?

Shaking a wand about without channeling magic through it is a dangerous action...? but then surely an animal knocking it, or having it just roll off a table, would be equally dangerous...?

I'm not thinking too hard about this rn, I'm more making a note for later

[landhinlove]

New Harry Music Video Cominggg

GILL’S LOUNGE

A tiktok account called Gill’s Lounge posted a video yesterday (October 19) with a review for a restaurant

They posted two more videos with two more reviews after that and people started connecting it to Harry.

At the same time the second two videos were posted, 4 tweets from a Twitter account was posted.

GILL’S LOUNGE WEBSITE

When you open the website you get this home page, description of the restaurant, and menu (which are all so Eroda coded). And an announcement for a live show…

GILL’S LOUNGE INSTAGRAM

they posted stories with the reviews with some interesting sticker choices coinciding with the names

Patrick could be from my policeman because of the siren sticker

Brittany could be Brittany Broski because of the kombucha sticker

I’m not sure who Alexis could be?

Then this was the last story

WHY ITS DAYLIGHT FOR THE MV

The bird logo

The “Tropical Bluebird” drink

The “Honey Dip” drink

The birthday comment in Brittany’s review - reading your horoscope

The “Long Island Iced Slushie” - out of New York

The lines from the description of Gill’s Lounge “the lights are low” “you never know what the night has in store” - ain’t gonna sleep til the daylight meaning they’re up all night (hA)

WHY ITS CONTINUATION OF ERODA

This from the end of the Adore You mv is all the confirmation I need but there are other fun things too

Gill’s Lounge - gills as in the things fish have

The “bubblegum fishbowl” drink

Little more of a stretch but the “Long Island Iced Slushie” because Eroda is an island and it’s long lmao (but like why else would he not use a Manhattan)

Ambrosia on the menu is just so Eroda coded

The Banana Daiquiri - Eroda is shaped like a banana

Another stretch but the World Famous Mai Tai drink - he wears a tie when he leaves Eroda (“my tie”)

Pigs in a Blanket on the menu - it’s bad luck to mention a pig in a fisherman’s pub according to the Adore You mv

WHY ITS THE CIRCUS MV FROM THE PICTURES

Peanut shells on the floor is very circus-y

Live show coming soon

Circuses are literally made up of “peculiar” things which since we’ve now established that it takes place in Eroda makes perfect sense

RANDOM SILLY THINGS I NOTICED

Bowl of Marachinos on the menu - cherry

Why are there peanut shells on the floor but Salty Mixed Nuts are on the menu

UM??? This on the Eroda website???? He’s been planning choke her with a sea view huh

So in summary:

The Gills Lounge social media accounts popped up yesterday. Gills Lounge is a diner on Eroda. The music video that is coming is for Daylight. It is coming out (probably) October 28th 2022 (so we guessed right). It will take place in Eroda at a circus, specifically the circus we saw the pictures of Harry filming for. Harry is very punny and it is incredibly possible that everything on the Gills Lounge website means something

[astrologybyana]

part of fortune in signs

back with another post! now, we’re gonna look into the part of fortune ✨

part of fortune, also known as lot of fortune and pars fortunae, shows us how we can improve our life, how achieving success will be easier for us, our source of happiness and prosperity etc.

you can find out which sign and house your pars fortunae is by going to  astro.com, choosing “free horoscopes” and then “extended chart selection”

from house systems, choose “whole signs” and from additional objects, choose “pars fortunae” and there it is!

you can also access to my masterpost, here 🎈

it’s a long post so i cut it from here 🧚🏻‍♀️

pars fortunae in aries / 1st house

you need to stay active in order to find satisfaction

looking your best is important for you

you have a harmonious mentality that allows you to see which steps you need to take

without clear goals, you might be too passive for others to make you do whatever they want

expressing your personality will bring you happiness

you need to fight your fear of standing alone and take your own path

pars fortunae in taurus / 2nd house

you find satisfaction in stability, security, and finding self-worth

you can let go of your desires easily because you trust things will work themselves out

you might need to seperate yourself from the material world and seek spiritual growth

money comes to you easily here 💸

you might fear of failure, so you might think you need to be productive constantly

but taking things slow will help you gain your creativity

pars fortunae in gemini / 3rd house

communication and learning brings you joy!

the ideas of people around you is valuable for you

you’re able to see things through different perfectives, which makes you able to relate lots of kinds of people

you might be self-rightious and and you might fear of sounding dumb

you like changes, and you’re adaptive

embracing philosophical studies and complexity will help you achieve wisdom

pars fortunae in cancer / 4th house

nourishing and helping others bring you joy, you are very giving

connected to mother earth

you might look at life through the eyes of a child

you are very giving, and it’s a good thing, yes; but you forget about yourself, finding balance here will be good for you

you are willing to accept new opportunities and start new things

finding where your heart belongs to, will bring you emotional support

pars fortunae in leo / 5th house

you find joy in being the center of attention and expressing yourself

inspiring and guiding others is important for you

however, you might find it hard to understand that not everyone is going to like your methods

you should learn to do good things without expecting something in return

you may find your creativity through the help of your friends, but you gotta be careful choosing who your friends are

not worrying about what people think will help you attract what you want

pars fortunae in virgo / 6th house

you feel happy when you’re mentally active, and when you find what you specifically like to do for a living

feeling healthy, productive and busy is important for you

you’re sensitive to others’ feelings, so being useful to people through your work will make you happy

though, you might lack self confidence

you’re deeply empathetic and in touch with your consciousness

you should learn how to tolerate a little mess

pars fortunae in libra / 7th house

you achieve happiness and success with partnerships

you prefer to keep peaceful relations with people rather than arguing, so you keep most of your opinions to yourself

you are easy to talk to, and you tolerate a lot

you might compare yourself with others often

you probably know many stuff about people around you

harmony is the key to relationships, so you should keep your needs as a priority as much as you keep your partners’ too

pars fortunae in scorpio / 8th house

for the 8th housers, your happiness and success will be given to you by other people

you will transform yourself with trying the things they teach you

you should let your ego down so that you can let go of what no longer serves you

try letting yourself be open to intimacy and sharing

you might fear exploring intense emotional levels, helping people overcome their negativity, and digging deeper into the unknown

but these will help you achieve fulfillment

pars fortunae in sagittarius / 9th house

you enjoy discovering new things about the universe, spirituality and philosophy

expanding your consciousness is the key for you

curiosity about different cultures and people

however, while trying to understand everybody’s opinion you might lose yours

so, being direct with others is the best idea

listening to your intuition and connecting with nature will lead you to happiness

pars fortunae in capricorn / 10th house

ambitious and responsible, demanding and receiving respect gives you fulfillment

success-oriented, you’re gonna get there by working hard

you might have defined a specific structure for your life, and you wanna get there

fear of rejection and failure

embracing autonomy and taking the leadership will be the best for you

you might have a hard time letting your past habits go, overcoming this will help you achieve your goals

pars fortunae in aquarius / 11th house

you wanna help the world proceed, you wanna help others

freedom and independence is the key for you to achieve success and happiness

very unbiased and you probably bring fairness to your relations with others

you have great imagination and the energy to put this in practice

you attract people who think like you, and they inspire you

you gotta embrace your uniqueness and unconventional ideas

pars fortunae in pisces / 12th house

you’re very receptive to everything around you with a great intensity, so tuning in your inner being will bring you peace

you need some alone time for your own good, connecting with your soul will be good for you

very intuitive and imaginative, and these features are the key to your happiness

although, you could also be a victim to your imagination

you can try pouring this complexion into creativity

you are very compassionate and understanding, so you can be of service to others for like a job

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[ragnar0c]

I KNOW WHICH OC YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT… She is my favorite besides Hana… my second favorite (who I mentioned in the tags) I haven’t posted about yet heheh. 

But I’m gonna use this as an excuse to brain rot about all the zodiac ocs I have so far bc WHY NOT… (long post)

The reason I have so many zodiac ocs is because I really hone in on the “Fortuneteller” part in their class description, and each one I make has different extra sensory abilities they learn from whatever astrology technique they master/specialize in. I call these powers “Flairs”. Plus,, I also give each of them an elemental affinity based on what their big three signs are in their natal charts. So even though it’s the same class I can mix and match them a lot. Even better, I went all in and made them give each other (cringe) aliases. 

So I’ll list their field/ flair/ element/ alias and… a little brain rot.

So, for example, Hana. The OG…

She specialized in horoscopes, got a flair in Divination ( In particular: Prophecy), her affinity is earth since she’s a Capricorn sun, and is called The Oracle of Stars. 

Hana’s affinity is earth, but fun fact… she spreads herself thin trying to learn the other element before her own.

Also note: Not every zodiac has a flair or an alias. Flairs are gained via mastery of a subject, in fact Hana having one at 18 is rare and… mostly due to her ignoring all commitments besides the stars. As for aliases. They come with popularity and experience.

Other ocs

We have my other fav,,

Aurora

Won’t get into many details, but: 

(I’m guessing this is the zodiac you’re talking about—)

She’s older than Hana and never really focused on just one subject. She enjoys learning about new things and this manifested as the flair Claircognizance. Her element is ice, but she doesn’t really use attacks. When she does it’s kinda scary 💀 Esp her ice, which is iridescent or green when she casts it instead of blue.

Her Alias is Civil Dawn. Hers Is my fav bc it has a double meaning— yet it’s simple. Fun fact about her, she inspired me to rewrite my old fanfic into OoS. 

Ezra

You’ve seen this guy once or twice— 

His specialty? A secret for now— Sometimes, Zodiacs aren’t open about what they study so their flair’s inner mechanisms stay hidden. His flair? Telepathy and his element is air. Now… You’re probably thinking… “EO DOESN’T HAVE AN AIR ELEMENT” YES IT DOES… IT’S VOLT IF YOU BELIEVE. His lighting is purple and pink

Ezra here is very OP, and is well established amongst other Zodiacs, more so than Hana is. (Hana is more of a hot topic more than anything.) He has multiple aliases Omniscient Eye, All-seeing Eye, and the simplest one Telepath. 

I really like his role in the story, I want to write about him but he probably doesn’t show up till like chapter 20 at this rate.

Castor

 YES CASTOR FROM THE EO3 SEA QUESTS… I HAD TO GIVE HIM A DESIGN… I should finish a piece for him one day.

He specializes in attack magic, fire magic. He’s a fledgling, so he doesn’t have a flair like the rest. He’s not really sure about his element either (he hasn’t had his horoscope done), but he feels drawn to fire. AND you know his alias!!… AND HE IS THE ZODIAC OF FIRE!! Or he will be one day.

Mainly made him an oc because Hana would hate his guts, this guy clearly is ignoring the fundamentals. He’s polite, but when he talks to Hana he loses his mind, and acts the opposite.

Abaddon

She takes the spot as my second favorite behind Hana/Aurora. She is Ezra’s younger sister. Around Hana’s age.

She specializes in using Behenian stars (mainly the Pleiades) and talismans. She doesn’t have a full flair yet, but one is developing in her. (The ability to talk to the dead.) Her element is water/ice, and she doesn’t have an alias yet.

She’s a revamp of an old character, and doesn’t interact with Hana till she’s 21 (after OoS). She questions her morals differently than the other cast members.

OH and Bonus

Aura

Yeah, the bar Zodiac! I USED TO DRAW A COMIC WITH HER AND NERONA… She’s not very fleshed out. But she has a volt affinity, I really liked her as a kid.

I have… more! I’m thinking about making a side story about The Pleiades a zodiac organization… It’s the subplot Abaddon is in… I’m like obsessed.

My writing exercises are just me writing drafts for stories I will probably not get to ever HAHAHA