#that's not how u make friends online
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i'd like to thank not only god but also statcounter
#thank u statcounter <3#anon identified#and blocked#i'm sry i've been very nice very patient but i don't fuck w/ trolls#it'd be nice to not be spammed incessantly and then policed thank u <3#that's not how u make friends online#maybe my responses are funny or entertaining but that's no excuse to send people strange shit
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actual life goal is forcing spirkers to acknowledge bones at all
#the number of times i’ve just barely held myself back from going ‘hey u do realise there is a Man inches from them right’#u don’t even need to ship mcspirk i just need u to acknowledge that he exists and he is there and he is spirk’s closest friend#like god y’all see the fucking camping trip and it’s just ‘oh look spirk’ bitch what. what.#anyway current urge is to literally make a museum-style things just showing off Bones but i might actually make an online archive#simply because he gets so terribly ignored and not just by the fandom either#like why does paramount do so much with the fucking GORN but doesn’t touch bones. why do star trek analyses look at spirk#and not at my guy who is there for damn near all of the stories. everyone i speak to irl who knows star trek has at least once looked at me#and asked who tf i was talking about when i said bones was my favourite. how do people not know who he is.#star trek#bones mccoy#leonard mccoy#leonard 'bones' mccoy
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Another page from the Loop Being Emo In The Woods WIP! The aftermath of the little episode from the previous page I posted. This one’s finished, and I need to think long and hard abt whether this level of detail is like, sustainable for something 15 pages long 😅
This comic originated from wanting to see more straight up sifloop romance, with pining and sad eyes and angsty internal monologues and tropey romcom bits and a healthy mix of drama/comedy. I plotted out a couple funny little one page comics, then got into thinking about character motivations and emotional beats, and now we’re like, maybe 15 comics/scenes/chaoters plotted and storyboarded in this universe? But because I hate keeping things simple, every one of those fucking comics is between 6-15 pages long and dialogue heavy, and I’m getting mired in the characterization of it all (not even counting getting mired in the visual storytelling and the plot progression of it all! And not even getting started on the “still very new to digital art, how does one use procreate” of it all!) Soooo haha I’m in danger :3
If anyone wants to talk in dms or on discord abt this comic and the greater sifloop shipping trash story it’s part of, hit me up! Especially if you know your way around plotting out a story a lil bit. I don’t know how to start conversations online 🙈 but I like to think I bring a lot to the table talking meta, trading wips and other art that I can’t post here, making lil comics from discord bits, and exchanging help with plotting/storyboarding/dialogue/character interpretations.
#official thanks to every early 00s manga for the ‘person had a mental breakdown and now they’re in a giant circle of destroyed trees’ visual#I need someone to gently take my pen like ‘Kiri babe don’t u think that’s enough detail for this one page? remember you gotta do 14 more’#I touched too much grass and forgot how to make friends online :(#last time I posted sth like this I got my first fandom friend so I’m doing it again 😇#I cannot stress how much I need a literal invitation to start a direct conversation with someone#so this is a literal invitation to hit me up here or on discord (same username)#isat#in stars and time#isat loop#my art#art#isat fanart
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my irls are pmo SO BAD lately with their comments just because i'm having FUN texting my friends on discord
#“you're only on discord” “get off discord” “you're obsessed with discord” “kamey discord mod” “kamey discord kitten”#if you don't STFU i'm gonna stop talking to yall#also today in spanish class one of them was like “ah you're finally not on discord anymore?”#and i ignored him and he was like “kamey helloo” “helloo kamey answer” “are you finally done with your discord obsession kamey?” “kameyyyy?”#like why are they so negative i'm being social???#like one of them KNOWS how bad my anxiety is i told him sometimes I can't even talk to my PARENTS#and that i struggled texting another online friend for the first time#can u tell me why he is sooo fucking negative that I'm finally being social and making new friends??????????????????#and the weirdest part is those irls are talking to people via discord as well????#why is it a bad thing that i'm doing it ????????#and why do only i get those fuckass annoying comments?? one of our friends has been on discord texting friends FOR YEARS#and it's no problem with them#BUT WITH ME??? oh a crime i'm obsessed not living in the moment anymore and a discord mod#discord mod /neg btw#like come one don't piss me off
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im like saying this while half asleep. but its so cruel how people will hate black edits but then turn around and defend like loli porn. its always "its just a drawing" until its a black person. i saw someone so fuckin mad over a black edit they said "now i understand why this skin color is discriminated against" like i genuinely from the bottom of my heart. do not trust people like i did before. in online spaces. you get proven time and time again that most people cant wait until they can go mask off racist. lol.
#.me#in general most of you are rather antiblack in general. you think simply going “blm” is enough.#you spat in our faces. you lied to us. you make it difficult for us to even breathe and you block us when were “problematic”#but u can never say how were “problematic” in general. i dont like most of u and im glad most of my friends are black people.#online AND in person
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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omg omg omg I’ve been Embarassed to have anyone over while living with family and also have been worried that im worthless as a person and friend for a long time, but my pal from college who I hung out with the other day wants to come over and hang out and I said ok!!! They don’t mind that I don’t have my own place and I’m gonna show them how to do some makeup basics and if all goes well, i will officially introduce a new disciple into my Good Ass Popcorn Cult (cult of people who recognize how fucking exceptional I am at making stove popcorn)
#im so happy they still like me#I still like them#and I’ve been making more friends and reaching out without being scared im not allowed#and some are online#but I forgive them 😌#ellis and ren if u see this u r the realest online homies who im not deeply in love with#that’s just Julian :3#also I think I was ok at my friends party?#same friend from post it was a game night#I always feel like such a freak and im so worried im gonna swing too hard and put ppl off#but it was great#it was easy#I don’t remember the last time being with people was easy like that#I feel like the sun is up a little#it’s been so fucking lonely#personally I mean NOT feeling great abt the world#but unfortunately we do keep truckin#ok that’s pretty much how I feel about all of this I love you goodbye
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everyday europeans find new ways to piss me off
#🍯 talks#like how are u gonna constantly call americans stupid and act like ur better#and then when an american brings up the number of top unis in the usa vs europe#all of the sudden ur yapping abt 'why do americans wanna make everything a competiton'#like its fine for u to act like were inherently dumber than u bc were american but its an issue if we defend ourselves#jesus fucking christ#and ofc its not all europeans blah blah blah#and ik its gotta be like an annoying loud minority that feel emboldened by being online#still doesnt mean it wont annoy me when hundreds of them all congregate in the comments of one americans videos#and the whole 'americans think europe is a country' bc americans refer to it as a whole as europe#like.... im not gonna individually list out all 44-50 countries when i can just say euopre#'euro summer' and they get sooooo pissed#'americans are so stupid they dont even know that europe is a continent and not a country'#now if we use our brains and some common sense maybe we could figure out why someone might refer to a trip where theyre visiting multiple#european countries as 'euro summer'#i do that in the us too#when i visited a bunch of states in the north east i said i went to the northeast#also in america 'im visiting europe' is an invitation to ask which countries in specific and continue the conversation#and when they act like they know more than americans abt america#just bc they watched disney channel and friends
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you can now buy my little orufrey zine i made!
a 36 page, b&w a5 amateur zine made up of orufrey art i've drawn this year so far. alone is £6 + shipping and they can also come with a mini print add-on, a 4x6 photo print for £8.50 total.
the first 6 orders will come with a free official bromide :)
#i have 2 easthies 2 coco 1 tartah and 1 olruggio -#i don't really know how to gauge this or how many i'll sell or how quick or anything really so uh..assume you're just getting the zine..#but if you want this and you order asap then let me know in the notes if you'd like any of them or you'd not want a certain character haha#AND BEAR WITH MEEEEE this is the first time i've ever done something like this! it took kinda a lot of setup#but it seems bigcartel is pretty nice. we'll see how this goes lol#idk if that's even too much or too little for a zine but someone advised me that it's fine so...That's how it goes#it's all art that's online anyway haha but i'm like..disabled and stuff..it's a way to help me out & own my art @ the same time if u want..#this is my first ever time printing my own work so it's not like. professional quality#but this is how 'zines' are supposed to be after all!#international shipping btw! shipping won't be too much since it's less than 100g and same whether or not there's a print/bromide!#i think i can ship anywhere?????? the royal mail said so.....i hope that's true...#paypal or stripe is ok btw.. if this goes well i will make and sell more stuff...i like printing..#OH BRUSHBUG AND TASSELS NOT INCLUDED............they are my friends
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any time i remember time lord victorious arc i start shaking like a sick fucking dog
#having an extraordinarily hard time watching waters of mars rn literally episode of all fucking time#they dont make them like this anyMOOOOOOOOOORE OHHMY GODDDD#icould talk abt it for hours istg it's so. grips you shakes you shakes you shakes you shakes you sh#the WAYYDYDYDHDHDJDJDJDUJDJDHDJDUDJD THHHEEEE THE THE THE . HTHHEHEH#the way u can see glimpses of what's to come in all 4 seasons but especially in voyage of the#damned and then s4 onwards but u dont realise JUST how much he went insane until now#like there's echoes of this in votd but you might not even pick up on it if you dont Know#n here he's just fully gone it's sooo. IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO. CHARACTER OF ALL TIME#man so profoundly tragic his entire story is abt speedrunning losing everything and#going insane and dying. and yet he still spends like 20 entire minutes crying and begging not to die. okay#i cant rank drs they're my best friends so idk who my fave dr is but 10's is easily my favourite story it's so. it's SOOO.#anyway sorry. stops shaking you and pats your arms down awkwardly. carry on#doctor who#dw lb#10th doctor#the waters of mars#time lord victorious#i was today years old when i learned there's apparently a whole audio series about it that#came out in the past few years. well i aint listenin to that. everything i need is on my screen already#also. the way most ppl havent even seen these specials coz they're impossible to find online..#even tho waters of mars is like. not just extremely important but also yknow. extremely good
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omg i literally love wheelbitten as a comic and ur art is amazing
random question but how long have u been drawing as an artist and do u have advice.............
thank uuuu and I've been drawin my ass off since I could hold a pencil and I'm 24 (25 next month) now so this shit wasn't overnight by any means lmfao idk the way i did it was have A Thing that you like drawing and just draw the fuck outa it and eventually you'll get better for sure whether it be the desire to get better at drawing said thing makes you do research and study something to become better at it or just literal muscle memory from drawing said thing so much. I had lil spouts of taking time to get better at specific things like anatomy, shading, ect. by studying it but overall i just subconsciously got better by mentally picking up new things everytime i draw and analyzing the world around me. Even recently i got to see that with drawing tactical gear (that ive never really drawn before and never wanted to draw in my life) soley bc i just REALLY fukkin love Ghost and Konig
i went from being terrified and intimidated of drawing tactical gear (even trying to put a gun in front of it as if that was any better lmfao) it used to be vague as hell and my brain would shut down just trying to look at the references(i remember having a ''shit man am i even gunna be able to draw these characters???'' moment of dread the first time i was drawing Konig pffft) to absolutely loving drawing tactical gear and seeing how much more detailed i can make it with every new drawing, so a complete 180 but that's bc im just totally obsessed with the characters and drawing is how i express that sO thats mainly what i mean by just have a thing that you love and want to draw and the rest should follow with time, patience, and practice. I think it's about training your brain and motivation to pick up on details or a certain way something looks in lighting (or lack thereof) bc my brain is probably wired a certain way after art being like a centerpiece of my development to the point to where drawing is just What I Do and at this point if i dont draw for even a few days i start getting vaguely antsy and fidgety it's crazy lmfao SO idk if this is worded like i need it to but yeah art and the act of drawing can be frustrating as hell but it should be enjoyable and rewarding above all else at the end of the day!
#i drew bc the piece of shit im unfortunately biologically related to drew a lot when we were kids so id just copy her#then i drew winged wolves and dragons and the occasional horse for like 7 years then The Axel obsession started#where i drew axel from kindom hearts literally all the time and had 870000 aus for him where i would draw for all of them#when i tell you the obsession for him was catastrophic u best believe but it kept me drawing like a motherfucker until i made my monster oc#which was around the age of 15 is when i started consistently drawing humanoids#OH YEAH i had a whole lion king phase too in 2011 where i would strictly draw lions all the time and my first record of drawing online was#on the lion king fanart archive (which i still visit to look back its like visiting an old janky friend:') )#but yeah then my heart was stolen by my ocs and all the potential designs i could make them#and thats where i am now aside from the festering COD masked men obsession boiling over in the corner AHA#so basically latch onto an obsession and pick up that damn pencil#even as a kid if i liked anything the immediate connection was trying to draw it#didnt matter how weird to draw or undrawable it was my ass would be in that notebook bc its the only way i know how to express myself lmfao#this is long as fuck but NOW im out peace skskksk
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not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER
#i hated her to an unhealthy amount imma be so real#bc ive never done an internet sin of like shittalking outside of priv accs/dms#or interacting anonymously with people i hate etc etc#but there are things that are like corruptions for your own soul from how sour hatred can get#and she did that to me. and i only hated her enough to do that#i have only ever in my life actively hatestalked her blog when i was 14 bc she made me so fucking mad everyday#ive only ever in my life hatestalked her like shes the only reason i can comprehend why people are compelled to hatestalk#this was all back when i was like 14 tho lol and#ugh... im sorry. as you can tell the hatred i feel towards her is like soul corrupting level#i want to say im sure she has grown up to be a fine person and logically i know this is true#but also part of me is like there is no fucking way this bitch grew up to be a fine person like the lobotomy part of my brain is saying that#i will not tell you who she is btw so dont send me an ask begging for the user#and if for some reason you have a hunch who it is. you never know you could be wrong and even if youre not i dont condone harassment towards#her or like yknow just any association like leave her tf alone#i dont have fans who love me enough or are crazy parasocial to harass someone i personally hate/hated#but still just in case#shes not an actual bad person. i just hate her so much that it makes ME a bad person on the inside#its why im so glad that i turned 15 and went i need to stop looking at her forever or else i will reincarnate as a mosquito#ill only talk to u abt her if we are at least acquatiances with eachother#and i dont think anybody will be able to figure out who she is actually bc i never once was mean to her outside of telling my close friends#i wanted her dead. me when i dont act like a beast online despite the vietnamese devil inside me
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i don't think any of you people are in a place to tell whether a behaviour is callout-worthy this is so incredibly online. congrats to you guys for running someone off the website bc you couldnt simply block them & go on with your day
#vagueposts are not worth a callout. being bitchy & unpleasant & having bad opinions online is not worth a callout.#finding your blog to block you when they remake is not cyberstalking???#if you have common mutuals or you dont change your user its very simple to just. find you again. thats not what cyberstalking is.#odds are theyre blocking you to keep THEMSELVES safe from YOU & id wager thats the case considering how u all jumped on this#you guys are making cyberstalking sounds like a fucking joke!!!#ive been vagued harshly BY MY OWN FRIENDS!!! does that mean they deserve callout posts??? fuck no!!#maybe try having real problems & blocking people you dont like. youre all doormats#using any opportunity you get to hatemob someone#whatever. pathetic. i will not be reblogging that callout post.#if someone is not actively abusing people that behaviour is NOT worth a callout. fucking grow up.#'ahh i just want her to grow & work on herself <3' so you participate in running her off the site. Ok#fucking mature the lot of you. anyway. none of this is actually damning...
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maybe i should just be grateful he didnt full on block me everywhere
#but... does it matter when he doesnt even talk to me..#im like mentally and emotionally blocked lol#im trying so hard not to spam him w messages and get myself actually blocked#but i wanna die#i dont understand how he can just .. not care abt me#i really need to get over this but idk how#i need to start accepting that my blog is my ONLY friend#and i need to talk to my blog as i want to talk to a friend#then it wont matter anymore if ppl come and go#bc my blog will always be my best friend#i need toget ober the avpd shame of like damn i posted this and got 0 notes#bc i dont post for notes#in fact the less ppl who follow and see the better bc getting attention is scary#but im like wow if someone sees this theyll think im a loser#but i dont actually care!!!#anyway i wanna send cat pics to someone#and he doesnt wanyt my cat pics anymore#so i should like make a tag on my blog which is my real friend#and share pics of my cat whenever i want#thats good too bc then i can save it as memory on my online diary#^-^!!!#but bc of childhoos neglect i have this compulsive need to share things WITH a person#anyway i need to get over that#im sad bc i miss HIM as a person but also that i could share things w him#but yeah... whatever!!! i should be happy he hasnt blocked me. yet.... :(#and i need to be careful and not give into the urge to message him and be like umm why dont j care i miss u helloooo#bc then he willblock me and yeah i cant dealwith that :((
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man i have so many DMs to catch up with i know a lot of them are just ppl sending me posts but i literally am unable to keep up with all of them now day to day bc they will build up so fast, im considering closing dms
but on the other hand, i hesitate to do it because its one of the ways i interact with people and i like to be accessible (though I really havent done a good job of it lately at all)
to be honest my hours on tumblr have been reduced so much recently bc of my life changes. between jobs and friends and other stuff im not on this app as much as i used to be, especially when have free time i want to spend in other ways like videogames (which ive never really super gotten into before, ive been spending more time recently playing) or art projects (i dont have that much time to draw anymore since ive become so busy but i love sharing it still and im super excited to show more stuff)
most of my free time i spend with friends and partner now which is something i really didnt do/wasnt able to do before so im significantly less online in general
the reason im talking about this on my post about dms is because I dont want to just not be around or to be quiet and seem closed off, quite the contrary, I just cant keep up with everything ^^; so I hesitate to close dms because I wouldnt want to seem more closed off or distant than i already do
#i dont know if this makes any sense. its kind of wild how much less time i have for being online now in general#not being on laptop. just being online. i still use my laptop to draw and for playing. but im just scrolling less#and i unfortunately do use the app more whenever im bored haha#im still trying to find a good balance of everything you just gotta understand#ive missed out so so so so much on having friends and a group irl and going out for years so im putting all my energy into that#eventually i think things will settle down more... maybe. but if they dont then ill figure smth out#thats all i wanted to say#i hope its ok!! take care have a good day thank u for reaidng mwah#thunderclap
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I feel such joy to know ppl & hear them share things with me. Looooove having friends and picking their brains, I really should do it more often than I do now tbh
#I do think I need to get back on trying to keep up with all my friends#like there are areas of my life I wish I’d put more effort into bc I want to keep cultivating my dnd friendships#bc those are so so so so special to me and I really should do more to like grow those friendships#bc any relationship takes time and love and tending and I do that but I’d like to do more#but there’s a lot of areas in my life I wish I’d improve#I’m getting there tho I don’t wish to come as mean to myself rn#bc I feel very good I just got done playing dnd and that’s always such a fun time#I love seeing my friends it really boosts my will to live and makes me feel like a person again#idk we are going through it and I know why but also I don’t know why and idk how to explain#we’ll see if I can do something in therapy but also I need this insurance shit to get mailed to me so I can stop#stressing about everything#life is so hard I’m so proud of every person on this planet except for the billionaires and shit#bc we are all out here in the trenches in wjatever form that takes and Christ it aucks#but I can still take your hand or message u online and we can have a little laugh
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