#that's basically the whole reason i wrote this. that is all

[rickyriddle]

So, with the episodes that aired and basically confirming that my theory was pretty spot on, I'd like to revisit some of the points I made. First what I got right:

As I theorized, Agatha was honest with Billy, the road didn't exist, and seeking it would kill you (because she killed the witches who sought it). I was also right that her intent was always to kill Alice, Jen and Lilia before the door appeared. Given the road never existed, her surprise there made sense. She was also bullshitting her way on the road, acting like an expect, but it was obvious to me she was just improvising. I was also right about Agatha having written the song, hence why she argued with Jen about it. I also got right that Rio wasn't familiar with the road because it never existed before.

The second part of the theory was that the road was actually a hex created by Billy. Once again, I was right on that one. I can't take credit for that though, since the theory that Billy created the road was relatively popular, and I didn't believe in it up to episode 7. I rewatched the show twice waiting for the finale with that theory in mind, and it's when I started to notice all the little breadcrumbs. Agatha's reaction to Sharon's death, the road being "exactly how Billy pictured it" (with Agatha agreeing), his room, Agatha telling him he's just like his mother and that they have the same tell.

What I got wrong... I think it's only the shape of the door xD. I somehow misremembered and thought it was hexagonal, hence the hex name, but turned out it was a pentagon. Oops. My bad.

Some other stuff I theorized that never explicitly got confirmed. I do think Agatha intended to spare Billy when she still planned to kill the witches in the basement. Agatha very explicitly told him the road wasn't real and that seeking it would kill him. She even hesitated to "take him" to the road (meaning, killing him), and only agreed when she realized she desperately needed her powers back. The show doesn't spell it out, but to me it's pretty obvious the reason why she didn't let Billy in the basement was to spare him.

Another point I was right but didn't know why was how Agatha argued with Jen about the lyric. I had the feeling Agatha wrote the song, but I didn't know the "Coven Two" referred to her and Nicholas. I didn't know either Nicholas was also involved in writing the song. Can't predict everything I guess.

I also theorized that Agatha did the con because she was "taking magic from the undeserving" (as she said in WandaVision). AAA doesn't mention this reason again, but I still believe it was a way for her to justify what she was doing. She did tell Billy he was looking for a shortcut, so that feels in line with her feeling like witches seeking the Witches Road are undeserving of their magic (she did spare Billy tho despite that, but that's prob because he is a child and reminds her of Nicky). This whole con and why Agatha did that deserves its own analysis tho so I'll leave it at that.

Something else I don't think the show mentioned again is that Alice accurately guessed the road was a con, but she probably didn't expect it to be a death trap. She did come in the end, so part of her wished it was real- because her mother wanted it to be for her sake.

So that's it for now. I might write other analysis/theories for AAA cuz I have a LOT of feelings regarding the series, especially Agatha, AgathaRio and Agatha & Billy relationship. I loved that series and I love this fandom!

Agatha All Along Theory: The Road isn't real

(Disclaimer: I'll be using Teen's real name at some point so you better be up to date before reading)

Here's a theory I need to post before the last episodes air in case I'm right.

The actual Witches Road never existed. It was just a con Agatha created to trick witches and steal their magic. The reason why people think you can't survive the road is because everyone who tried to get there died (killed by Agatha). Alice even said the Road was just a con, because it was. Agatha's first reaction to Teen mentioning the Road is that it's not real, because she knows it's not. She even told him the Road would kill him- because the Road was always a con to kill witches and take their powers.

Agatha never intended to get her current coven there, she always planned for the song to fail and to provoke them so they'd attack her and she could get her magic back. She didn't want Teen to be there to spare him that fate.

That's why Agatha looked genuinely surprised when the Road does appear, and she doesn't seem to actually be familiar with it. She probably spread the rumour that she is the only one who survived in order to lure witches who are interested. The reason why she said she takes power from the undeserving is because she considered that witches who want to walk the road are too lazy to learn magic on their own, it's a way for her to justify killing them. She even told Teen that he wanted to take a "shortcut" with a bit of contempt in her voice when he mentioned looking for the Road.

Now as for this Witches Road... it's prob a hex Billy created without realizing it. The door only appeared after he started to be afraid of the Salem Seven, and it had a hexagon shape. Sounds familiar? Just like Wanda's hex. And I bet Agatha always had a doubt it was him, since she knew damn well the Road wasn't real since she made it up. She looked genuinely confused when it first appeared and definitely do not know anything about it and kept bullshitting her way to the others and acting as an expert.

Billy said "this is exactly how I pictured it" and Agatha replied "it suits you" because she knew he made it. It actually suited him. A lot of the stuff in the hex are based on him, lots of reference to his room as Billy Kaplan. And that's what Agatha meant by "you and your mother have the same tell". They both created an alternate reality unconsciously due to strong emotions. That's how she knew he was Wanda's son, the major clue. His magic works similarly to hers.

That would also explain Agatha's reaction to Sharon's death. "I didn't know you had it in you" was directed at Billy. Agatha wasn't expecting people to actually die since he created the road. So at that moment, she realized that child created a deadly hex, and didn't think he had it in him (not that he killed Sharon on purpose, but the road he made did).

That might explain Rio's reaction, usually the con of the road doesn't go that far, so she's feeling impatient because these witches should have been dead a while ago when Agatha lured them. That could also explain why Rio herself didn't seem familiar with the Road, since it never existed before.

That could also explain why Agatha argued with Jen regarding the lyrics of the ballad. If the road is her con, then she wrote the original lyric and might be unaware that some terms changed over time (like two becoming through).

So, the current road was created by Billy subconsciously, but the concept of the road was created by Agatha as long time ago as a con and ironically, it became real because of Billy. So, the title is true. It really was... Agatha all Along.

[alltimefail]

I wrote a ridiculously long response that turned into basically a fic outline for this question from the Save The Dead Boys Twitter account, and I'm sharing it here so I can link the alt text for people who may want or need it (because Twitter's alt-text limits characters for some reason??? very annoying).

(Source)

Without further ado, The Dead Boy Detectives Zoo episode no one asked for is under the cut 😂

I think a day at the London Zoo would make an incredibly interesting backdrop for an episode!

Edwin has more than likely never been to the zoo, as the London Zoo itself did not open until 1928, years after he died. Charles and Crystal, however, have most certainly been to the London Zoo. Niko has been to a zoo before too, just not the one in London quite yet.

I imagine it happens like this: a ghost client who worked at the London Zoo and died due to being attacked by one of the animals comes in distraught. At first, no one understands the unfinished business or mystery of it; they just feel bad for the person because that's a horrifying way to die obviously, but they know HOW they died/where they died/when they died so it seems pretty cut and dry. That's when the ghost tells them that they'd worked there for years, specifically in the exhibit they died in, and the animals had never so much as bitten the workers in malice, nonetheless had bouts of uncontrollable rage. The only thing they remember before the attack is the animal spasming and acting in pain - that's why the worker intervened, to help - and then everything is muddy from there. The eyes of the animal, however, were the strange part... they had almost a sparkling sheen over them... and that's when the boys realize something is afoot.

They take the case and the client leaves, Charles goes pattering on about how it had been "Literally forever" since he went to a proper zoo, just waxing nostalgic and excited as he does, and the girls are bantering along with him because Niko says she's never been to London's zoo, and that's when Edwin pipes up, nonchalantly like, "Ah yes, I suppose I've never been either, now that you mention it." Charles is just... flabbergasted at this, he's like "MATE, you've never been to London Zoo?" and Edwin good-naturedly rolls his eyes and is like, "I have not been to any zoo, Charles, as the very concept was not even around when I was alive," and he'd probably say more but the look on Charles' face is kind of sad and sheepish because he should have known that, shouldn't of he? Edwin immediately goes to reassure him before Niko breaks the tension (observative as she is) and she's like, "OMG guys, this is perfect! We all get to experience it together, it'll be so perfect!" and Crystal is like, "Yeah, unlike you two who can just waltz right in, Niko and I will have to buy tickets. Might as well get our money's worth and stick around after."

The day starts all fun and nothing really seems amiss until another person is nearly attacked while they're there, and this time it's a child: like the animal is literally beating at the enclosure divider so hard they crack it trying to attack, and fortunately no one ends up hurt but Charles and Edwin do their little signature look at each other because they know SOMETHING is going on.

The case becomes time-sensitive then, and high stakes, so they regroup somewhere quiet where the girls won't get weird looks and that's when they're approached by a shapeshifter deity who has been skulking about the zoo for years (maybe they used to be a God or something before being reborn) and they give good intel, and it'd be funny because you KNOW Charles' hackles are up after Port Townsend and the whole Cat King and Monty debacle, and he's misinterpreting everything this animal shifter does as flirting to the point that eventually the deity calls Charles out for it in a "I don't want your man" kind of way. That's like the B-Plot going on and it would be hilarious, and even Edwin would find that part a little funny/gratifying because he's not dumb and he's SEEN Charles' change in behavior lmao.

Anyway this is now turning into an outline for a fic jfc the TLDR of the rest is that they realize some asshole kid came into possession of some dark magic materials and has been coming to the zoo and practicing the spells on the animals, just being a mischievous shit who thought animals would be easier to start with than humans and wanting to see what they would do. The gang has to fight the little shit, but they're eventually able to get the book away from him and Crystal, the godsend that she is, wipes his memory.

Afterward, they DO actually explore the zoo for fun, and Edwin is transfixed and telling everyone all the facts he knows about the animals. When he doesn't know anything off the top of his head, he reads the displays out loud and jots down the best bits. Charles is absolutely delighted and apologizes for not bringing Edwin sooner, but Edwin is having none of that and they have one of their sweet "Edwin and Charles" domestic moments. They're interrupted by Crystal clearing her throat and Niko giggling, one eyebrow raised because the girls KNOW, okay? But they don't say anything and Charles just steps back (when did they get so close??) and he wraps an arm around Edwin's shoulders and leads the way to the next exhibit. The girls share a lunch of various little junk foods one would only indulge in at a place like the zoo, and all of them leave with a little souvenir (Niko's idea) that they picked out for each other (it ends up working out that Niko picks Crystal's, Charles picks Niko's, Crystal picks Edwin's, and Edwin picks Charles').

From that day forward the group decides to take the time to do at least 1 "Fun" day a month that isn't inspired by casework!

[stereopticons]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tags (and the distraction), @kiwiana-writes and @filet-o-feelings!

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 96!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 358,657

3. What fandoms do you write for? Primarily Schitt’s Creek and RWRB. I have 2 911 WIPs that I’ll probably never finish and one 911/SC crossover threesome fic that I do kinda want to finish but I don’t see myself writing for that fandom regularly.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the lie between your teeth (Schitt’s Creek)

if i’m not beyond repair (Schitt’s Creek)

never knew a home until I found your hands (RWRB)

love you in moderation (do I look moderate to you?) (Schitt’s Creek)

so bitter and so sweet (Schitt’s Creek)

So basically, angst, angst, smut, smut, and a coffeeshop au

5. Do you respond to comments? Always, eventually! I’m just really, really slow.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably the SC MCD fic lol

(we’ll always long for) one more song

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Basically all the others? Obviously there are some that are just tooth-rotting fluff the whole way through but I kind of feel like the lie between your teeth feels like the happiest payoff

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not lately. It could be that I haven’t been writing much though.

9. Do you write smut? I have been told that filth and feelings is my trademark (also btw I have not given up on kinktober, it’s just slow going)

10. Do you write crossovers? I have! I wrote a pre-canon SC/Crazy Ex-Girlfriend crossover (twist yourself around me) and there’s the above mentioned threesome fic that maybe I’ll get around to finishing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not a whole fic, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I haven’t, but might be open to it if someone asked.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! (B)13 Reasons Why with @blackandwhiteandrose and parallax with @indestructibleheart. Always open to more collabs!

(What happened to 14? Why is there no question? This is only 19 questions!)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Well, you see, I’m very stubborn and mostly refuse to give up on any of the wips even though realistically I know they won’t all get finished. I don’t think I will finish the 911 wips I mentioned before but that’s more because I don’t want to anymore.

16. What are your writing strengths? Idk man, I guess I’m pretty good at feelings? I am really struggling with writing lately so I don’t know how to answer this.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Getting words on the page? Having any original takes? I guess plot and the interstitial stuff like dialogue tags and transitions?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If the character speaks a language other than English, I think it’s fine but definitely run it by a speaker of that language if you don’t know jt.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Rent

20. Favourite fics you've written? This is so hard to answer but I think today it’s shine like silver, the David was a talented pianist as a child canon divergence.

Tagging @hippolotamus @blackandwhiteandrose @indestructibleheart @rosedavid @blueeyedgrlwrites and anyone else who wants to play

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

The new mind welcomes them in easily. His memories catch like paper, burning down to golden embers in a matter of moments. Smoke chokes out his thoughts, and it seems for a moment as though he, like all the other despairing souls they have brought to roost over the centuries, would simply become one with the flame. No more to divide or distinguish. May chaos take the—

—hmm? 

There is a memory here that does not come alight at the merest touch. Its paper-thin edges are damp, somehow, and the heat of the flames cannot seem to dry them. Rather, when they reach out, their own edges sizzle and pop, and they are forced to recoil. 

No matter. Some things are difficult to relinquish, they understand; still, they will aid this ailing soul. They gather themselves, reach forward again—and are… stopped. As though snagged by the back of the collective collar. 

The mind is resisting. 

Not this one, comes a low whisper from the darkness beyond the embers of memory. The rest of them, you can have. Burn them all away, do what you will. But I cannot give this one up. 

The embers of frenzy do not understand. Cannot understand. This memory is etched deep, yes, but it is painful. The flame offers simple and beautiful release. Why would he resist? Why will he not let them take this pain away? 

That would be taking the easy way out. 

Of course. Is that not what he wants? To let go? For things to be easy? They know the outlines of this mind, the defeat that consumes it. It is a mind that welcomed the flames to make their home inside. He called to them. On the edge of life and death he sang to them, and they came for him. Now he would turn them away? 

No. No. He called to them; he is theirs now. They will not abide hesitation. They move to gather their strength again. 

The hands that had caught them intensify. Gather them up and pull them back, heedless of the flames. 

I said, he hisses, no. 

They struggle, now, confused and afraid and at war with their own internality. They cannot be conflicted. They are as one. And yet, and yet—

Yes, it hurts! Of course it damn well hurts! If it didn’t, I wouldn’t care what you did with it! Now he is incensed, voice growing hot to meet their measure. You’ve already gone and burned the rest, haven’t you! 

But not this. His voice softens. They know this tone, soaked in sorrow and guilt. Usually it catches quick as oil. But now, once again, their flame is stifled, as if tossing water on the pyre. I’m the only one left who remembers this. I might be the only one left who remembers her at all, at this point. If I let go… no. No. I will carry this with me as long as I live, and I will not let you take it. 

Now. 

Get the fuck out of my head. 

He pushes them down. Things solidify around them. Sights and sounds that they cannot make sense of in the scarce few moments before—his hands break the surface of the water and they are being smothered. 

They are in a basin and the water is all around them and they cannot evaporate it quicker than it eats away at them. They kick and writhe and snap and crackle and still they drown. 

Under the hissing sounds of their dying flames, they think, for a moment, they hear the faint notes of a piano. And then they hear nothing at all. 

—

With the scraping of metal against rock, the body stirs. 

“Ah,” purrs a low voice, “hello, friend. I was starting to get concerned when you—“ 

“What the fuck,” the other man gasps, as if he hadn’t even spoken. He lurches to a sitting position and his hands fly up to his face. The source of the metal scraping becomes immediately clear. “What—the fuck, why is it so fucking hot in here–“  

“Slow down a moment, you—“ 

“Fucking get it off!” His hands scrabble at the edges of the iron mask encasing his head. It was clearly not made to be easily removed. “Too—fucking hot. Fuck. Off.” 

“Stop that!” the other voice snaps, the remainder of the soothing hum draining out of it entirely. “You’re going to break your neck if you keep that up—“ 

“Then stop talking and fucking help me!” He’s gasping for breath, and starting to sway in a concerning manner. "I can't– I–"

“There’s a knife!” Finally, he says something that gets him to actually stop and listen. Slightly calmer, he continues, “There’s a knife next to your left hand. You should be able to use it to pry the mask off. Other left. No—for fuck’s sake be careful, try not to stab yourself—“ 

“You do it, if you’re so concerned,” he mutters, too focused on the task to even think about the retort much. Finally he manages to find the seam that holds the mask together, and gasps again, this time in relief, as it clatters to the ground in two pieces. 

The interior of the mask is warped, as if from extreme heat. The other voice decides not to point this out. 

“Fuck, that’s better. Okay. Give me a second.” He lies back down on the ground, enjoying the chill of the stone. “Wh… hah. Right. Perhaps we ought to… start over? …Friend?” 

“Oh, so you did hear me the first time.” 

“Yes. I was just—a bit preoccupied thinking I was going to suffocate in—whatever the hell that was, on my face. So. Sorry.” 

“It looks like a prisoner’s mask,” he offers. “Why you’re wearing it, I’m not entirely sure, since this doesn’t look like a prison.” 

“Yes, where are we, anyhow?” He blinks at the wall, debating the benefits of trying to get up. “And—who are you? And… how can you see our surroundings when I can’t?” 

“I… don’t know.” 

“Ah. Which… which question are you answering, there?” 

There’s a pause, and then a resigned sigh. “…All of them.” 

[razormain]

quickly scribbled smth for a fic i wrote :) everyone read it its about romance positive aroace argenti

[sophfandoms53]

I wish Hazbin had more than 8 episodes this season bc 1) the pacing is all over the place (outside of episode 4) and 2) it would’ve been so nice to actually see when and why Alastor started to genuinely care about the hotel.

The pilot and the first episode of the show characterize him as sticking around for the entertainment because of how silly the idea of redeeming a sinner is to him but then episode 5 has him fully backing up Charlie’s wishes for the hotel and even tells Mimzy she’s welcomed to stay if she actually wants to try redemption and was upset she had put the hotel in danger with her presence.

I think that turnaround in Alastor’s perspective is so interesting but when did that happen? Why did that happen? How did that happen? What made him care?

He clearly still has ulterior motives, there’s 0 denying that given his scene with Husk in the same episode, but he does seem to actually care about Charlie and her hotel. Which can be connected to the leash Husk claimed Alastor is bound by but Alastor is also the most distant from the cast.

We never see him around everyone for more than a few minutes at a time. Everyone went out to the club in episode 6 but Alastor is nowhere to be found in the entire episode.

That bond with anyone in the hotel, even Charlie, that would explain Alastor’s sudden support in the hotel has not been shown on screen and I really wish the show had more time to do that.

That’s really what Hazbin lacks. Time. Time to slow down and just let the characters breathe. Everything is moving so fast because they probably didn’t know a second season was coming until later which I can understand but that also means the plot takes priority over the characters and a majority of the cast is suffering from it.

Angel’s the only character who’s gotten an episode solely about him and exploring, expanding, and developing his character and his bonds in the hotel are what we see the most. This makes sense given he’s the main guest in the hotel but no other character has been able to have their own character and arc be explored the way Angel has.

The show needed more episodes like Masquerade to explore the cast before diving headfirst into the Heaven vs. Hell redemption conflict. That was always going to be the direction the show went in but they needed so much more time to do it because there are so many characters to juggle and so much is happening. Big moments that are supposed to matter don’t hit as hard as they should bc the cast is overstuffed and everyone is fighting for screen time.

This isn’t the teams fault, they’re doing a decent job with the limit time they were given but 8 episodes is not enough time for a show this ambitious with everything it’s trying to do. Doubling the episode count to 16 would’ve done wonders for the pacing and the show could slow down and take its time.

A lot of what Hazbin presents are good ideas. It’s all interesting but none of it is given enough time because the big Heaven and Hell plot has to take a majority of the shows focus. I do hope season 2 fixes this but that’s also gonna depend where the show is going after season 1 is over. We’ll see next week.

My main wish for the show going forward is each character gets their chance to be explored just as Angel has.

[p4nishers]

bisexual bobby. i'm right.

[goldentigerfestival]

Using this as an audio reference for the posts I'm making, but to summarize:

Yuri starts out mad.

Yuri tries to calm himself down with a deep breath to ask for details instead of going through it angry.

Flynn doesn't say "like a good knight" in the sense of putting himself down. He simply says "as a knight" (the tl here doesn't use that, but with that included it's basically along the lines of "even though I had doubts, as a knight, I was determined to follow my orders").

Once Yuri has answers he calms down significantly.

Yuri uses " 'ttaku", which is a shortened down version of "mattaku" (Yuri often shortens words and speaks very casually), which in this particular situation basically would mean "geez", or "good grief". In this manner, it's expressive of exasperation/frustration/etc.

Yuri never mentions that "Flynn told him what to do" like the dub does (because in fact Flynn did not ever tell Yuri what to do. He only gave Sodia and his other knights orders. He expressed his own desire to take responsibility, but never told Yuri and his friends what to do).

At this point you can tell the anger has gone out of him and that he's calmed down, now that Flynn is approaching this with admission and responsibility.

Sodia is asking that Flynn returns as soon as possible (I believe this was a general translation error).

Flynn's thank you to Yuri is tonally much more heartfelt.

Yuri's response and gratefulness at Flynn coming back to himself is tonally much more heartfelt, relieved and sincere.

[eggmeralda]

just woke up from the best film I've ever watched in my life only to realise it was a dream

[okaystoptellingmetomakeanaccount]

Me when the I want to look intimidating

[six-of-ravens]

I would really like a single office day where I don't come home and play an evening-long game of Am I The Asshole?

[sluttyten]

.

[fandomsandfeminism]

Yall wanna hear a kinda funny, kinda sad story about my grandmother and hetero-normativity?

Ok, so... when my grandmother was in her 50s (I was an infant), she met a woman at the Unitarian Church. And, as can happen when you meet your soul mate, this event made it impossible for her to deny parts of herself that she had fiercely hidden her whole life.

All the drama- their affair being found out, the divorce with my grandfather, the court battle over who got the house, happened while I was a baby. Even in my earliest memories, it's just Mama Jo and Oma, and my grandfather lived elsewhere (first his own apartment, then a nursing home, then with us.)

But here's the thing- no one ever explained any of this to me. No one ever sat down and was like "hey, Rosie, so do you know what a lesbian is?" It was the 90s. It was Texas. I think my mom was still kinda processing all this, and just assumed that like... I was gonna figure it out. Don't mention it, let it just be normal. Like I think my mom thought that if she explained the situation, she would be making it weird? I dunno.

But like. In the 90s, in all the movies I had seen and books I had read, do you know how many same sex couples I had seen? Like. 0. Do you know how many "platonic best friend/roommates" I had seen? A lot. I had no context, is what I'm saying.

I literally thought this was a Golden Girls, roommates, besties situation until I was like...I dunno, 11? 12?

It was actually their parrot, an African Grey named Spike, imitating my grandmothers voice saying "Johanna, honey, it's getting late", that triggered the MIND BLOWN moment as I realized that *there's only one master bedroom and it only has 1 waterbed* when all the pieces finally clicked.

Anyway. I think it's a real important thing for kids to know queer people exist, for a lot of reasons, but also because kids can be clueless and it's embarrassing to have your grandmother be outted by a parrot because everyone just thought you'd figure it out on your own.

Anyway, here is my grandma and her wife, my Oma, after they moved to Albuquerque to be artsy gay cowboys and live their best life. They helped run a "Lesbian Dude Ranch" out there (basically just with funding and financial support. As Oma has explained "traditionally, most lesbians don't have a lot of money" so they wrote the checks and let the younger ladies actually run the ranch.)

[pearlymel]

A duty— Capitano

Synopsis: You were set to marry a fatui... Wait, is that a fucking harbinger?!

Wc: 3.3k

Warning(s): fem reader for this one, reader gets called "wife", Capitano is described to have dark blue eyes (i swear i did my research and they said yes to dark blue eyes), MDNI masturbation but no sex between them.

Notes: don't ask the reason why you are in an arranged marriage, my brain is fried. You can come up with your own reasons ! Wrote this with my eyes cursing at me to sleep so half not proofread. Part 2 is out here. Part 3 is out here!

Tick tock.

You watched as the clock ticked louder than usual, cringing to yourself when the sound became unpleasant to you, it was ringing in your ears.

Even the fatui around you were like statue's, you considered for a minute to check if they were even alive and breathing.

The door then swinged opened, everyone's head suddenly lowering slightly which made you even more confused, but you mimicked their gestures nonetheless for respect.

Heavy footsteps echoed in the room, the sound only getting louder and heavier the closer it got you.

The steps finally stopped, and your glance up to see a big—no, giant man standing right infront of you. He seemed to be wearing a helmet to cover his face, long black hair that protrutes from the back of his helmet and over his shoulders, and the big coat that was full of fur draped around his shoulders.

You must say, he went all out with his appearance as a fatui.

"Are you perhaps..." You started, breaking the silence that hung think in the air, "... The person who I'm arranged to marry?" You finish off, tilting your head curiously.

He doesn't answer immediately, rather, he looks down at you, observing your features which makes you wipe your sweaty hands to your sides.

"Il Capitano," he finally spoke, a raspy voice, you noted. Capitano extended his arm out for you, and you willingly accepted it, giving it a gentle shake.

"Member of the fatui Harbingers."

His next words made your hand freeze. Did he just say Harbinger? Not even a normal fatui like you thought, but a whole harbinger. Standing right before you, and shaking your hand.

Well you were screwed because what the hell have you gotten yourself into.

You both were quiet now, staring at eachother that it's becoming almost painfully awkward.

"Your name?" He asks, letting your hand go and it's like you were snapped back to reality when you immediately blurt out your name.

He repeats your name like you were on his kill-off list, but that was just overthinking on your part.

"I'd like your company from now on." He announced, stepping a tad closer to you which made you hold in your breath.

"then i shall be at your company..." Giving him your best small smile, you bowed your head again.

•••

Your wedding basically consisted of a witness and marriage papers that needed your signature. You didn't even get the chance to wear a traditional wedding dress nor have a honeymoon, which you don't think is necessary for now since everything was going too fast for your liking.

And Marina, your new personal maid, has become your new friend in this big estate of Capitano's, teaching you everything you must and mustn't do. Kind of like a 101 guide on how to be a wife.

Ever since that day a two months ago, you have not done anything but cause trouble.

You wanted to go out? Well you need your husband's permission. You want to eat something? Ask Marina first and she'll whip it for you no problem, and no you're not allowed to cook by yourself. You bombarded Capitano with questions about himself, but his answers wouldn't be enough as they were about a word or a sentence long.

As boring as that is, this is your life now for... Archons know how long. But you remember it being temporary, if your memory did not fail you.

Capitano had returned back to the estate for the night, and for the first time, you greeted him at the front door with a smile, wishing you could see him smile back at you.

"My lord," you bow elegantly like how Marina taught you, speaking even softly like nothing ever happened a week ago, the fit you remember throwing at him, demanding an answer on why you couldn't do anything around.

The silence in the hallways was deafening, broken only by the clanking of his armor as he took a step closer to you, his towering figure cast an intimidating shadow upon you. "It is rare," he spoke in a blunt tone, "to see you this obedient." Capitano paused, his gaze scrutinizing your every move. "You have been behaving recently?"

You couldn't help but fidget with the hem of your clothes nervously like you have been caught, a nervous quiet laugh escaping your lips, "i believe I've always behaved."

Capitano let out a terse sigh at your answer, his eyes unflinching through the slits of his helmet. "To your luck," he muttered, "you have been... tolerable." The word 'tolerable' hung heavily in the air, making it clear that it was the most positive adjective he could summon about you.

"However," he added after a few moments, "you seem more compliant than usual today. This is an... interesting change." His tone was questioning, as if hinting that he was wary of your compliance, expecting a hidden scheme behind it.

"Shall we have dinner?" You change the topic, changing your position to stand by his side so that both of you could walk to the dining room together. Capitano nods curtly, acknowledging your suggestion. He allows you to approach, though there is a stiffness in his movements as he lets you stand by his side.

The two of you begin walking to the dining room, your husband's steps were heavy, and it was evident that he was still in his full armor, the sound of his footsteps filling the hall.

"You are not usually the one to suggest dinner," he commented, "I thought today was nice... Despite how i always fight you, forgive me." you mumble apologetically.

You become quiet when he doesn't answer back, your hands clasped infront of you instead.

You both soon reached the dining hall, now sat opposite eachother on the dining table, Capitano's gaze remained fixed upon you as you both sat across each other, the coldness in his eyes didn't waver as he observed you intently. The silence seemed to thicken as the only sound in the room was the clinking of silverware against the ceramic dinnerware.

"How was your trip?" You asked casually while stuffing some veggies in your mouth.

"The trip was... uneventful," he replied tersely, pausing briefly before continuing. "The usual Fatui business, nothing that concerns you, wife." His words were as biting as ever, indicating that he wasn't keen on discussing his business matters with you.

"nofing mfun?" You ask again with your mouth too full this time, "don't speak with your mouth full of food." You swallow your food down when you caught a glimpse of disappointment in his tone, maybe he was even frowning if you could see him behind his helmet.

"i will retire to my chambers after this," you place down the silverware on the tablecloth to reach for the glass of water next to you. Capitano doesn't answer, but he nods slowly in return.

•••

The world was still and the moon illuminated the grounds outside, casting a soft glow upon the landscape. You could hear the occasional sound of crickets and the whispered rustle of leaves, creating a peaceful atmosphere inside the expansive estate.

The minutes ticked by slowly, each one seemingly longer than the last as you anticipated Capitano's return this time. You fidgeted with the sheets, as you waited, you recalled Marina's words, a distant memory echoing in your head, "It is custom for a wife to wait for her husband to return before she retires to bed." You never did that, no. You would always sleep before he did and he would always wake up before you did. It was rare to even see him on your side of the bed, only sometimes when you would wake up from a sudden heavy weight shifting next to you.

Despite being married for quite some time, the connection between you two was still distant and cold. Capitano didn't seem to care for you on any emotional level, instead seeing you as a mere accessory to his life as a mighty Capitano of the Fatui Harbingers. A possession rather than a wife, you thought.

Capitano's steps echoed through the room as he stepped into your bedroom, his footsteps heavy and deliberate. He closed the door behind him with a thump, shutting out the outside world and isolating the two of you in the room.

He observed you quietly for a moment, "You're not in bed yet?"

"i was waiting for you."

"And why, pray tell, were you waiting for me?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Marina..." You mumble, standing up from the bed while looking away in a bit of embarrassment, "she taught me it was custom for a wife to wait for her husband."

Capitano seemed even more surprised upon hearing your answer, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Marina... I see," he said slowly, of her name sending a ripple of irritation through him. Capitano disliked Marina's influence on you and how she seethe mentioned to be teaching you things.

He strode closer to you, by now you were used to his presence that it would not make you involuntary step back, you instead wait for his next move.

Lifting his hand to take a few strands of your hair was the last thing you expected. The strands resting on his hand as he lifted it closer to his helmet, almost like a gesture of kissing your hair which made you blink rapidly.

"You don't have to," he whispered, his thumb gently caressing the strands, "don't have to listen to Marina or anyone. You may do your own thing in this estate. I just want you well taken care of and safe."

You think you may have just fallen in love with the man because... Why is your heart beating so fast that it could explode? Or wait, can he hear it?

Capitano then let go of your hair, walking past you as he started loosening the straps of his armor, "it is late," he muttered with a rasp, his hands working quickly to remove his armor. The sound of armor being unthreaded echoed through the room, punctuated by the clinks of metal.

Taking off his helmet next so casually made your eyebrows furrow and sit back on the bed with your head tilted to get a closer look at him.

His eyes were glowing dark blue, the most beautiful shade of blue you think you've ever seen. The prettiest face too despite his dark and intimidating aura.

"you're beautiful." You whispered in awe, though Capitano, who was half-way through removing his armor, paused for a moment as he heard your words. He wasn't expecting such a compliment from you. It was rare for you to praise him, preferring to defy him more often than not.

"Beautiful?" he repeated, his voice gruff, you noticed his expressions and tried to act cool, your fingers nervously scratching your neck out of habit when you get shy.

"You're beautiful too, my wife." This completely caught you off gaurd, but it doesn't stop you from smiling and laughing it off quietly.

"Goodnight." Your head rests on the pillow, and this time you face him in your sleep, and he makes the effort to mimick your gestures.

"Goodnight."

•••

"Marina, where is my wife?" That was the first thing he asked your personal maid the moment he arrived back from his mission. His head looking around rather than looking down directly at Marina.

"The lady should be at her chambers."

"She's not."

"What?" Poor Marina's eyes widened, she was sure she just gave you a basket of fruits and snacks in your room, even asking you if you needed anything else.

"... Forgive me, my lord. She's probably in the bat—"

"She's not in the bathroom." He replied in a low, dangerous tone that sent a shiver down her spine.

Where are you, my lady? Marinas thought through gritted teeth before exhaling out shakily, "i shall go find her at once." Marina began looking around every corner of the estate, and each room she opened without you in it, she would lose two years of her life with Capitano following her.

You couldn't have escaped, right?

Finally when she hurriedly went to the back of the estate, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw you sitting outside on the grass with the basket of goods she handed you earlier.

You wave your hands and both Capitano and Marina with a bright smile, causing his shoulders to relax when you were at last seen having fun by yourself.

"you're going to get me killed one day." Marina mouthed at you, but since there was some distance between you both, you just smiled and shrugged at her.

Capitano approached you slowly, his purposeful stride carrying him towards you with measured steps. You were perched on the grass, happily savoring the treats in your hands, when he suddenly materialized before you. "Sit." You pat the space next to you, to which he obliged without hesitation.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"No."

"Never? It's nice."

"You do seem to be enjoying yourself." He hums thoughtfully, and your smile widens, "The last couple of months have been interesting, and i get to know you better now." You say before popping a blueberry in your mouth to chew on.

"Blueberry?" You offer, raising your hand while holding a blueberry in between your thumb and forefinger.

You might think your husband is shy by how he looks around at first before taking off his helmet, cute. Eventually he leans to take the fruit between his teeth before chewing silently, the slight fruit juice glistening on his lips before his tongue along with his thumb swiped over his lower lip.

"you know," you suddenly speak, drawing your hips near him, "we've never kissed yet."

He pauses, staring at you while thinking deep about it, "does it bother you?"

"No, does the idea bother you?" Your question held a mixture of uncertainty and intrigue.

Without a warning, his hand held your left cheek with gentleness, his lips slotting against yours for three seconds max before it ended.

What?

Your eyes were wide open the whole three seconds of it too!

"What was that?" The horror in your eyes was evident, not because you were scared, but because you were caught off guard and your eyes were fucking open. Capitano, upon seeing your eyes, he immediately tried pulling away, thinking he might've scared you in some way.

But you were quick to hold his wrist firmly so it wouldn't leave your cheek. "I liked it." You blurt out with the reddest cheeks ever, and he's almost amused.

"But it was too fast," you clear your throat before tilting your head closer, "may i, husband?" How can he refuse when you asked so nicely too?

Your lips latch onto his for the second time, and this time, you were going to give him a proper kiss. With your lips moving with ease against his, the sounds of soft smacks of your lips together filling the air which makes the tips of his ears go red.

You don't continue after both of you pull away to catch your breath, your eyes staring deeply into eachother as he pressed his lips into a thin line.

"Let's not do this again," your heart almost drops at his words. Did you mess up again? Did he not like how it felt—

"In public, i meant. I wouldn't like anyone to see you in such a state."

You can definitely hear the crickets in your head. "So we can continue kissing?"

"Mm," he only hums back before reaching for his helmet to put it back on. "I have to leave, i will be back by midnight," and when he stands up, it was your cue to stand up to bid him goodbye.

"Take care, husband." You wrap you arms around him, and he circles his arms back around you into a tight hug. It was not your first hug together, so you got used to the feeling of not being able to breath for a couple of seconds before of his tight arms around you.

•••

Capitano expected you to be awake when he returned from a few errands he had to run earlier, expecting you to wait for for him so that both of you could sleep at the same time ever since you did that day.

But you were asleep, peaceful and relaxed on your shared bed. You, wearing nothing but a silky nightgown like you always do, the blanket shuffled messily on you which revealed your legs slightly parted, and your arms hugging the pillow underneath you.

You looked like an angel to him, so vulnerable.. so pretty like this—god was he pent up from today.

He hands clenched tightly into fists until his knuckles turned white as he looked away, instead busying himself in taking off his usually neat coat which was now covered in few splatters of crimson red.

The sound of the running water masked his muttering, instantly regretting his thoughtlessness. As he grabbed the bar of soap, he began to wash vigorously, trying to expel the memories of combat and the musky scent of carnage. His body couldn't be gentler with himself though, as he massaged his muscles that ached from the constant strain.

His heartbeat quickened as his mind wandered back to you. You were the sweetest thing in his life, and he would never ever hurt you, in fact, he would rather die than have your precious skin scratched. Or even cutting off the heads without hesitating if one would hurt you.

He hates himself for envisioning your body under his, or thinking about how skilled you would be with your tongue or hands. he thought he was a selfish lustful man for thinking of such thing when you were sound asleep and tired.

Unable to bear it any longer, he reached for himself, stroking slowly at first before heavier thrusts took over all while imagining how it would feel like to be inside your soft and warm cunt instead of his hard and rough fist. The steam from the shower served to muffle his low groans, half in agony, half in ecstasy. Closing his eyes, he pictured your warm smile or shy and embarrassed facial expressions as his release came steadily forth, his forehead hit the cool tiles as he let out a deep, satisfied sigh.

After taking a moment to get himself together, he turned off the water and faced the mirror. How can he go back to bed after jerking off to the thought of your smile and sleeping figure? He would very much rather bang his head on the wall.

But he dried off with a sigh and headed back to bed, trying to keep his eyes half closed with his back turned to you as he sinked down on the mattress, taking a bit of blanket to cover himself with his eyes forced shut.

Your sudden arms that enveloped around him from behind is what gave Capitano a scare. A literal scare to the big man.

Were you awake this whole time? Did you hear him back in the bathroom? Was he too loud?

But your soft snores made his stiff shoulders sag in relief, indicating you were still in deep in your dreams.

He decided to turn around to face you, looking down at how innocent you looked, how the moonlight seemed to glow on your face from the window, giving your features a glowy shine.

"You have ruined me," he whispered carefully while brushing off strands of your hair away from your face to press a goodnight kiss on your forehead. "I am yours, ruin me, break me, and love me as much as you want, my wife."

[holysupesbatman]

Wait no, but what about the rest of the JL?

Clark is confused. If it's set with SuperBat in mind, but before they get together, this could be when Clark realizes Bruce is bi

(I mean, prolly not because hello Brucie but we could pretend Clark is ignorant right???)

–At any rate, the watchtower is going up in flames at this conversation #especially when they turn the spotlight on Clark and who his first kiss is. He has to admit that it was Lex Luthor.

EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MIND.

You thought it was bad when it was Bats and Arrow kissing? How about Supes and his WORST ARCH NEMESIS???? Yeah, no...

"It was high school, I was a kid, c'mon guys, I didn't know! He was different back then– well,,,, I was stupider back then!"

Meanwhile, when they ask Diana nobody is really surprised when she says her first kiss because it's probably Steve.

Aquaman's got a good story for his though! Nothing earthshaking (ha) like the others, but if he wasn't surrounded by the kind of people he is, he might have won for best story!

Aquaman's first kiss was a moon goddess who visited Atlantis when he was a teenager. She came with her parents and they were doing diplomatic stuff but of course, all the kids ran off and got high on (sea)weed. They played spin the conch and that's how 13-year-old aqua man kissed 15-year-old visiting moon goddess Aurora or smth (Take that, Bruce!)

Flash's first kiss is Iris. Sorry this kid is too much for anything else

And Hal? Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if his first kiss was a dare and he got punched for it.

Hal: “Who was your first kiss? Ollie go!”

Ollie: “What?! Personally I think you should ask Bruce first.”

Bruce: “I don’t think it matters who goes first Ollie, considering we would just be saying each others names.”

Hal: *Spits out coffee* “W H A T .”

(This is canon now btw cause I say so)

[taibhsearachd]

...ngl, the fact that ADD and ADHD got condensed into ADHD when the hyperactivity specifically is part of the reason so many girls were simply not diagnosed drives me up the wall.

It's not that the whole name isn't bullshit, because it is. It describes the way people outside of our experience perceive us, as opposed to the difficulties that are part of our lived experience. Even from an outside standpoint, it's recognizable that "deficit" is not always the issue with our attention... but that's beside the point.

When psychiatrists noticed that ADD and ADHD were basically the same thing... they chose to favor the typical male presentation in the literal naming of the condition, and in doing so condemned a generation of girls (and other afab people) to suffer through being told they're so smart, they just don't apply themselves enough, that it's a personal failing they can't regularly turn in homework, that they're lazy for waiting until the last minute to work on an assignment... because those girls weren't hyperactive. Those girls just kind of drifted off and daydreamed in classes. Those girls doodled or wrote stories all through their school years, and functioned measurably worse when a teacher noticed they were doing that and tried to stop them. Those girls are now so many of my adult friends who are now being diagnosed with ADHD as adults, because the hyperactive part of the diagnosis almost solely applies to children (CHILDREN, when, I might note, this is a lifelong condition) who are socialized male.

We need a whole other name for the condition, because attention deficit is not our problem at all. But my god, the hyperactivity part actually ruined my life for so many years, because I had no way to explain to my dad why it physically hurt me to be bored, why I had to read or write or doodle in class in order to keep my focus, why I excelled in tests but failed at homework so my grades sucked because of that. No one even considered I might have ADHD, all through my childhood, but earlier this year I had the opportunity to go through all my grade school reports, and they could not be MORE CLEARLY talking about a child with ADHD. "Pleasure to have in class", "assignments not complete", "does not pay attention in class", "Birdie is a highly intelligent child with specific and unique needs" (I would LOVE more follow-up on that one, from third grade, do not have it). But I was a quiet and reserved child, so obviously I couldn't have ADHD.

I'm legitimately angry about it in retrospect. I went off my Adderall for a couple months recently, as an adult who only started taking Adderall as an adult, and it completely fucked up my ability to function. For years I was just out there as a teenager struggling through high school and college entirely unmedicated because as a child I was too withdrawn to be diagnosed. Fucking wild and also infuriating.