#that’s why they’re all so anxious all the time
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thatsmzbitchtoyou · 3 days ago
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The Thousand Yard Stare Chapter 4
Summary: Bucky Barnes has served his country well, and at a great personal cost.  After being rescued as a prisoner of war, he is struggling as he gets back into civilian life.  His newfound PTSD is severe.  His friends and family try to help, but he needs a lot more than they can give.  His mother signs him up for a Veteran recovery home, where he meets people struggling just like him, and the home director who has her own dark past to deal with.  He might just find love along the way as he searches for peace.
Warnings: mentions of physical assault, violence, being taken prisoner; sexual assault/r@pe; PTSD/anxiety/depression/panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares; suicide/minor character death; eventual smut
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Y/N had already left before anyone had woken up the next morning.  Bucky found it odd, seeing as how she always greeted everyone and had breakfast ready, but this time they were left on their own to handle breakfast.  He felt like the house was colder than usual without her there.  He decided to text her:
Hope you have a fun day with your family.  See you later tonight.  Be safe.
She replied shortly after:
Thanks.  See you later.
He thought her response seemed clipped, but decided not to press her on it.  As he read the text Scott looked over.
“Why did you text her?” Scott asked, looking anxious.
“What?” Bucky asked.
“Ugh, I should have told you,” Scott groaned.  Everyone else at the table sighed as they ate breakfast.  
“What?” Bucky asked, more exasperated.  “What’s going on?”
“What did she tell you she was doing today?” Scott asked warily.
“Well, yesterday none of her family showed up and I asked her about it, and she said she’d see them today,” Bucky said, feeling overwhelmed with everyone’s attention on him.
Scott rubbed his face and Wanda hummed.  “She’s seeing them at the cemetery,” she said quietly.  Bucky looked at her confused.  Her head tilted and she sighed again.  “Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, Y/N goes to the cemetery and spends the day alone.  She has no family.  They’re all dead.  Her mom was her last living relative and she died just as Y/N was rescued from Baghdad.”
Bucky’s mouth dropped open and his eyes widened as he took in this new information.  He felt like throwing up.  He felt so stupid.  Why didn’t she say anything, or correct him when he asked about her family?
“She doesn’t like to talk about it,” Scott piped up, seeing the question in Bucky’s eyes.  “This home, and anyone she helps in it, is her family.  That’s why it’s her whole life.  We are her soul focus,” he said sadly.  “She’ll most likely have a nightmare tonight, or this weekend.  A loud one,” he added.  “She always does after today.  We should probably figure out who’s going to help her this time.”
“Help her?”  Bucky asked.
“Like she helps you with your nightmares,” Pietro spoke up.  
“I can do it,” Bruce volunteered quietly.  
“You did it last time Bruce, and she nearly knocked you out, don’t stress yourself,” Wanda interjected.  “I can do it.”
After a few back and forth comments Bucky spoke loudly.  “I’ll do it,” he volunteered.  They all looked at him.  “I’m closest to her room, I’ll hear her first.  And she’ll be with me in the comfy room later tonight anyway.  I’ll do it.”
Wanda’s eyes narrowed at him.  “It takes her a while to snap out of it,” she warned.  “She’ll fight you.  Especially because you’re a man holding her down.  She won’t recognize you at first.”
“I know,” Bucky said, remembering the few times she had helped him and he wasn’t fully coherent.  “But I can do it.  I’ve got her.”
Everyone nodded, the breakfast now tainted with a somber mood.
***
A few hours later as Bucky was finishing up helping Scott rake the leaves outside he went inside to shower.  As he rummaged through his jacket pocket for his phone he pulled it out and saw he had a voicemail from Y/N left an hour ago.  He quickly opened it as he sat on his bed and hit play.
“--but everything’s going good, Mama.  We just got a new guy at the home a few months ago.”
It took Bucky a moment to realize that she wasn’t speaking to him.  She had accidentally called him and left him a message, probably after answering his text earlier.
“His name is Bucky.  He’s a real sweetheart.”  She paused.  “He’s gone through the worst thing imaginable, like me.  But he’s doing really well.  Soon enough I feel like he’ll be able to go home, and he won’t need me anymore.”  She sniffled.  “The problem is…I feel like I’m falling in love with him.”
Bucky gaped at his phone, nearly dropping it as she spoke.
“And I shouldn’t be.  I know it’s not appropriate.  He’s there for help, not for me to be lusting after him.  That’s the last thing he needs.”  She paused again.  “You’d like him, Mama.  Funny, kind, headstrong, kinda quiet, he’s got a great laugh when he actually fully laughs.  And easy on the eyes, as you’d say,” she snickered.  “I don’t know.  Maybe someday, after he’s left or something.  It’s nice to just get it off my chest though.”  She started crying, her sniffles getting louder and a choked whimper coming out.  “I miss you so much Ma–”
The voicemail ended.  Bucky sat silently, his brain not fully processing what he just heard.  She liked him back.  Was “falling in love” with him.  The looks he’d seen and the more personal, tender touches weren’t his mind tricking him.  He felt elated and also uneasy.  Requited love was thrumming through his mind, and yet he’d found out this information unintentionally.  She hadn’t meant for him to find out.  Would she have ever said anything?  Would she have ever told him, even after he left the home when he was mostly recovered?  He felt like the answer would be no.  
Bucky was in a funk for the rest of the day, unsure of what to do or how to go about it.  Should he talk to her?  Or just ignore it and let her come to him when she was ready?  What if she never did out of some sense of it being inappropriate or unethical?  Later that night he was still stewing over it as he sat in the comfy building, holding his phone and listening to her voicemail over and over as he waited for her to come in for their session.
He quickly shut his phone off when he heard footsteps coming from outside.  Y/N walked in looking tired as she shut the door behind her and turned to see him on the couch.  “Oh, hey Buck, you’re here already,” she said quietly, giving him a small smile.
“Yep,” Bucky said just as quietly.  
“Well, shall we?” she asked, gesturing to the walled off room.  Bucky nodded and followed her into the room.  She closed the door and sat herself on the couch as he sat on the bed across from her.  “So last week I feel like we made some good progress in trigger points on the body.  Is there anywhere else that you feel like is holding tension in your body anytime we have done these sessions?” she asked as she rummaged through her things and pulled out a notebook.
“I do, but um,” Bucky hesitated.  He wasn’t sure what to say as his hands wrung in front of him.  “It’s in a place that’s not exactly, uh…” he paused, watching her.
“I can’t help you with anything below the belt, Buck,” Y/N laughed as she opened her notebook.  “Though I can give you some resources for sex therapists that could help you with that.”
“No, I mean yes, but no,” Bucky blushed.  “It’s um…it’s my head?”
“You’re head?” Y/N looked confused.  
He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.  He decided to just address it now.  Maybe if he got it out in the open now they could work through it, for better or worse.  “I found something out today I wasn’t supposed to.”
“Do you want to tell me?” Y/N asked curiously.
Bucky gulped.  “Well, first of all, you lied to me last night.”  Y/N’s eyes minutely widened, her body freezing.  “You said you were seeing your family today.  You forgot to mention that they’re all gone,” Bucky said, trying to be gentle rather than accusatory.  Y/N stared at him, an unreadable expression on her face.  “Scott told me,” he said.
Y/N closed her eyes as she sighed heavily.  “I’m sorry.  I should have told you, I just didn’t want to put a damper on your day with your family,” she said.  
“You wouldn’t have,” Bucky said, leaning forward.  “As much as you’re helping me, I’d like to think that we’re at least friends at this point, Y/N.  You can tell me things, too,” he offered. 
Y/N opened her eyes and looked at him, her eyes now shining with unshed tears.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  
Bucky held a hand out to her and she reached forward taking it with one of hers.   “C’mere,” he said, pulling her hand toward him.  Y/N laughed a little then stood from the couch and walked up to him.  He moved back on the bed to lay down and pulled her next to him.  She was usually the one to hold him against her when they had cuddle sessions, but this time he was the one holding her, tucking her head into his chest.  
“I’m supposed to be cuddling you, sir,” Y/N laughed again, wiping her eyes.
“This is my cuddle session to do with as I please, ma’am,” Bucky scoffed at her, running his fingers through a part of her hair.  
Y/N giggled and nuzzled into his chest, her hands fisting into his sweater.  They lay together for a while, neither of them wanting to interrupt the quiet.  Bucky wanted to bring up the voicemail, but decided it would have to wait for another day.  She just needed comfort, a friend, and he was more than willing to be that for her.  The rest could wait.
***
Bucky awoke to the sound of whimpering, his chest being hit by something.  He moved away from the offending thing hitting him and tried to adjust his eyes to the darkened room.  He looked down to see Y/N squirming on the bed next to him.  They had fallen asleep in the cuddle room.  As he started to try to sit up Y/N stiffened.  Bucky watched her body go rigid, her hands grasping the blankets beneath her.  Her head wrenched back and she suddenly screamed.
The scream was unearthly and Bucky backed up again.  His eyes were comically wide as she twitched, the scream dying in her throat before she took another deep breath and screamed again.  He jumped into action, desperately wanting that awful noise to stop.
“Y/N!  Hey, wake up,” he said loudly, sitting up on his knees and hovering over her.  His hands gently shook her shoulders but she just tried twisting away from him.  “Y/N!” he yelled this time, more firmly shaking her.  Another scream reverberated through the room and he cringed.  Tears were streaming down her face and she cried loudly.
“NO!” she yelled.  
Bucky started tapping her cheek.  “It’s not happening to you now, sweetheart, come on!  It’s just a bad memory.  Come back!” he yelled, trying to speak into her ear more.  He gave her cheek one harder slap and her eyes flew open.  “Y/N?” he asked tentatively.
Y/N’s eyes turned to him in fear and she pushed against him.  She was surprisingly strong and sent him flying into the wall next to the bed.  “No!” she yelled again, scrambling away from him.
“Y/N, it’s me!” Bucky said, quickly collecting himself.  He moved toward her on the bed.  In her panic she wasn’t able to focus on getting her limbs to do what she wanted so she fell off the bed to the floor and started crawling away from him toward the corner of the room.  Bucky jumped off the bed and tried to help her up but she wrenched her body away.  “Y/N, come on…ugh!” Bucky yelped as she kicked his leg out from underneath him.  He fell on top of her, which made her scream harder.  He used the position to keep her from hitting him as he turned her to face him.  He gripped her hands with one hand and held them on her chest while the other kept himself upright.  Y/N was thrashing against him, trying to get away.  “Y/N!  LOOK AT ME!” he bellowed.
Y/N finally stopped and stared up at him, breathing heavily.  Her eyes flickered across his face, recognition slowly showing on her face.  “Come back to me, sweetheart,” Bucky breathed, staring into her eyes.  “It’s just me, Bucky, okay?  You were having a nightmare,” he slowly released her hands.  “It’s just a bad memory.  That’s what you always tell me, right?  It’s not happening to you now.  You’re here, at home.  You’re safe,” he stroked her cheek with his fingers.  She blinked rapidly at his touch and released a sharp breath.  
“Bucky,” she whispered.
“Yeah,” Bucky smiled.  “Come on, let’s get you off the floor.”  He slowly pulled himself off of her and pulled her up by her arms.  Y/N let him guide her and then stood in front of him like she was zoned out, her eyes looking around as she was still grounding herself.  Bucky leaned down to her eye level and cupped her face, making her look at him.  “Hey,” he said lowly.  Her eyes found him again.  “Hey you,” he smiled.  “It’s just you and me, right here, right now.  I’ve got you,” he said, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.  Y/N sagged in his hold, her hands reaching up and grasping his wrists.  “I’ve got you,” he repeated, leaning his forehead against hers.
Next thing he knew she was kissing him.  He froze, his mind short circuiting for a split second, then he closed his eyes and kissed her back.  At first it was soft, neither of them moving.  Bucky pulled away and looked for any hesitation in her face, but only saw a deep desire looking back at him.  He dove back in and kissed her hard, pulling a moan from her.  Y/N’s arms moved to wrap around his neck, kissing him passionately, running her fingers through his hair just how he liked during their cuddle sessions.  
Bucky moved his hands from her face down to her lower back, wrapping his arms around and holding her to him.  Y/N’s nails scratched his scalp, making him shiver against her.  He started moving them back towards the bed, acting on instinct that he thought long lost as he maneuvered her onto the bed until he was hovering over her.  Y/N’s mouth opened and her tongue licked along his lower lip, and he happily reciprocated by tasting her back.  She moaned again, her hands now gripping his shoulders for support.
Bucky’s hands were slowly running down her sides to her hips, his right hand kneading her left thigh as he brought it up around his hip.  His other hand was tickling along her stomach then his fingers went under the hem of her shirt, skimming along her skin.  A small part of his brain was yelling at him to think this through, that she hadn’t confessed her feelings to him yet, that she had just woken up from a nightmare that was a huge emotional toll, what this would mean for them later, but it all felt too good.  Her perfect hands on his face, in his hair, her plushy skin under his fingers, the way her tongue felt on him, the sweet noises she made.  As her nails scratched down his chest he moaned into her mouth.
Y/N stilled, her fingers freezing and then pushing against his chest.  He pulled away panting as he looked at her questioningly.  Y/N looked at him in shock, looking down between them and then gasping.  She pushed him away, making him flop onto the bed next to her and quickly stood up, gathering her things.
“I’m sorry Bucky,” she said, adjusting her clothes.
“What?  Hold on,” Bucky stood, reaching for her arm which she quickly dodged.  “What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” Y/N repeated, moving towards the door.  “That was wrong.  I apologize.”
“Y/N wait,” Bucky said, blocking her way to the door.  “Talk to me, hey,” he reached out and held her arms.  
“We can’t do this, Buck,” Y/N said, shutting her eyes tight.  
“Why not?” Bucky asked, squeezing her arms.
“I’m supposed to be helping you, not dating you,” Y/N answered, keeping her head turned toward the floor.  “Thank you for helping me get out of that nightmare.  I’m sorry for my emotional response.”
“I kissed you, too,” Bucky said, cupping her face again and bringing her face up.  “Look at me, sweetheart.”
Y/N’s eyes flew open at the pet name but she shook her head.  “Don’t call me that,” she said, trying to move away.
“Y/N please!” Bucky raised his voice.  “I wanted that, too.  I kissed you back.  I want you.  I got a voicemail from you earlier today.”  Y/N’s brow furrowed in confusion.  “It was you talking to what I’m assuming was your mom’s grave,” he continued.  Her eyes widened.  “You said you were falling in love with me,” Bucky said.  “And I’ve been falling for you for a while now.”
Y/N shook her head again.  “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does,” Bucky said imploringly.  “How could you say that?”
“I can’t have you,” Y/N sniffed, some tears starting to form in her eyes again.  “Not now.  Not like this, when you’re in my care–”
“You’re not my therapist,” Bucky cut in.  “Having a relationship with you is not unethical or a breach of trust or conduct.  I want this,” he leaned in and kissed her forehead.  “I want you,” he said, kissing down her face, making her sigh.  “All I want is you,” he breathed, his lips grazing her lips.
Y/N whimpered as he gave her lips a short kiss, but she quickly took another step back.  “Bucky, please understand–”
“I’ll wait,” Bucky interrupted.  Y/N froze.  “I can wait until my time here is done.  Once you and Dr. Strange feel like I’m healed well enough to leave, then we can do this,” he gestured between the two of them.  “Please don’t push me away.”
Y/N huffed a sharp breath, her eyes flickering between his.  She was contemplating, and he didn’t dare let go of her as she thought it through.
“What if your recovery takes a long time?” she asked.  “You can’t rush yourself through recovery for the sake of a possible relationship afterwards.  You have to do this right–”
“I will,” Bucky promised.  
“Can you honestly wait that long?” Y/N asked.  “And when it is done how will you…your family lives a few hours away, your whole life is there.  How would this even work?”
“We can figure all that out when the time comes,” Bucky said, his hands slipping down to her shoulders.  
She stared at him for another minute.  “I don’t…I don’t know,” she shook her head, looking down.
“Think about it,” Bucky said quietly, massaging her shoulders.  “Either way, I’ll wait for you.”  He lifted her chin with his fingers and leaned in, kissing her deeply one last time.  “Just remember, you’re all I want sweetheart.  And I’ve got you.  No matter what you choose.”  He gave her a sad smile, pulled his hands away then walked out of the room and back towards the house.  He didn’t know what would happen from here, but hoped for the best.
@wintrsoldrluvr @isitbiorisitlesbian @starfly-nicole @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @buckys-arm-and-rios-dagger @idontknowhowtonormal
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metamatronic · 6 months ago
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“It makes sense why ASGORE took so long to hire a new Royal Scientist. After all, the old one... Dr. Gaster. What an act to follow!” “One day, he vanished without a trace. They say he shattered across time and space.” “Well, I needn't gossip. After all, it's rude to talk about someone who's listening.”
it’s 2024 and i’m drawing undertale fanart of *checks notes* the gaster followers??? yeah sure alright.
((also i know goner kid is monster kid’s sprite but baby alphys intern has my heart))
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jalboyhenthusiast · 3 months ago
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#so anyway i’m on a train and this is my quick recap#of what i’ve been up to the last year#firstly i found out i have adhd because i was so burnt out and anxious i was sent to the hospital with a suspected heart attack lol#which they’re currently looking into to see if i have any heart problems or just anxiety 24/7 🙃#either way it’s been a great explanation for why i find everything so difficult everyday when i didn’t even know i was finding it hard 😐#my mum also almost died which was very much not fun and a little traumatising#i also can’t remember if i mentioned this before i disappeared (i must have) but i bought my own flat here in london which was my lifes goal#and i’ve spent the last like 8 months renovating to my own taste#it’s been a crazy and overwhelming experience doing all#of this by myself#but nether the less she persisted !!!!#and i’m finally in!!!#living alone? would highly recommend#and lastly this genocide has broken my heart completely and disrupted my ability to enjoy a lot of things and was why i wouldn’t bring#myself to come on here and talk about things that really didn’t matter in comparison#i have a friend directly effected and i feel v personally effected as someone who is west asian/muslim#so yeah it’s been difficult#and then the liam news hit me like a truck#it’s just been a Time#and the months slipped away from me like water#the only good thing that’s happened i guess is that i discovered sleep token this year and they immediately became my favourite band#i’m seeing them next month and have had them on repeat non stop#so apologies in advance for turning into a sleep token blog lol
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gremlinshatephilosophers · 24 days ago
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I feel in my bones (in my teeth) a sense of ominous foreboding (random pain) about the future (probably a cavity or the wisdom teeth I haven’t had removed) that won’t go away (I refuse to go to the dentist because I hate him)… no one knows what this could possibly mean (worse dental work in the future)
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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 6 months ago
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JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.
#jojo siwa#discourse#Her comment sections are VILE#I actually don’t hate her songs. They’re basically early-2000s new old stock and I like early 2000s music#Is she trying too hard to look like an “adult?” Yes. But that’s understandable.#What isn’t understandable is screaming at children for no fucking reason#and JoJo not helping at all when a girl was hemorrhaging out her belly button#when JoJo’s mother told the girl to “put a pad on it”#I don’t care how afraid you are of your parents; you END that shit the second you see it#I was raised in a cult and I actively sabotaged my parents’ preaching work on multiple occasions#I didn’t know if I’d get kicked out if they found out I did that; the only reason I still have a relationship with them#is because they never found out about my later sabotage#Dad preached to a waitress dangling a cure for her sons’ disorder in front of her nose as incentive to join and gave her literature#So I went to the restaurant with him and insisted I pay for the tip.#I gave her eight dollars and a sticky note with a bunch of keywords about the cult’s abuses to look up#The next time I went there#she said didn’t understand the sticky note and asked me while he was gone what I meant#I hate talking to people especially when I’m under pressure because I trip over my words even when I’m NOT anxious#But her kids’ lives being free of a cult meant more to me than avoiding a momentary discomfort so I gave a quick rundown#She thanked me and heeded my warning basically playing along with me and not saying anything to my dad about it#I was 20; JoJo was about 19 when her show was going on#She had no excuse for allowing her mom to do that.#At the very least she could have said “Oh god I’m so sorry she said that. Please don’t hurt yourself for my show; go to the hospital.”#But no. She didn’t do that. In fact she screamed at children and joked that if they were crying then it was a good show.#Bitch come here and do that in front of me. I double dog dare you. I may only be 5’5” but I fight dirty and I’m angrier than you#Sorry. I guess I do hate her… for THAT specifically.#Like yeah I’ve fucked up with the kids I help and yelled when I didn’t have to but I HATED doing it and tried to do better later#Why someone would SCREAM at kids on purpose for long periods of time for no reason is beyond me
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seventh-district · 1 month ago
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sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.
and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.
and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.
and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.
#hey Siri play In Color by Jamey Johnson for me please#music stuff#you should’ve seeeeen it in cooolllloor#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#normal Sunday night behavior#me? up all night hyperfocused on cleaning out my depression cave to achieve a sense of change and accomplishment -#- and ignoring every other aspect of my life including abandoning time sensitive tasks lest i get distracted and lose all motivation???#more likely than you think!#i’ve been at this since new years and i’m only like. halfway done. Gods help me#like i don’t mean ‘cleaning’ as in doing some light dusting. i mean there’s junk and trash piled 2/3rds of the way to the ceiling#when i call this room my depression/mental illness cave i Mean it#but no longer. i shall finally return this room to an acceptable state for the first time since. uh. 2022? i think?#i found a plastic container of dates buried under some laundry and the sticker says they’re from March of last year lmao#i forgot about those/thought i threw them away. but they were thankfully sealed so well that they hadn’t drawn any bugs#and oddly enough hadn’t even visibly molded/gone bad. but i didn’t open them up for a smell test i just chucked ‘em in my giant trash bag#i’m finding all kinds of shit i forgot i even had which is nice but it’s also distracting me like those pictures did#i’ll have to show them to her and ask her about them tomorrow#and ur probably like ‘u found old pics of a girl that looks like you why didn’t you immediately recognize ur own mom’#and 1. there’s countless pics of countless old relatives around this house that i barely/don’t recognize and never even met#and 2. i’ve barely ever seen any pics of my mom from such a young age so i have no images to reference in my mind#and it just fucked me up bc. i don’t look like her anymore. i only see Him in the mirror. but i Used to look like her. i’m turning into him#and i fucking hate it so much. i don’t like that she looks at me and sees him. great now i feel sick.#anyways thats enough reminiscing i need to get some water and food in me and get back to cleaning. i shan’t rest until i’m satisfied#well. my period + depression combo kinda Did make me rest which is why it’s taken 5 days but still. the horrors persist but so do i#it’s not just for the sense of accomplishment tho. i also need to move the 75gal tank out of the living room thanks to the floor situation#so i’m trying to make room in my room for it since it has the newest & strongest floor. i just need to find a level spot thats big enough#my back is gonna be so fucked after all this cleaning that i’ll have to rest for a fucking week before moving that heavy ass glass box#i hate moving big aquariums it makes me so anxious. and i literally don’t know if i’ll have anyone capable of helping me#so it might not even happen and it’ll just have to sit empty in the living room forever. but Maybe he can/will help me
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milo-is-rambling · 18 hours ago
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Guy who’s nightmares come true (non consensual tumblr tag scrolling)
#tw ed#📞#deleting posts she hasn’t refreshed page so they’re all still there for her but now I don’t even know what I said ahhhhhhh hahahahah okay ���#freaked out had a panic attack now we’re falling asleep on call together#so okay ! 👍 ! ! ! ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ?#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#also to be fair I do think the panic attack was about a million fucking things going on in my life rn#so like. yeah. but also. when my panic attack med wears off (soon) I am afraid I’m going to go right back to panic attack mode and crying#guy who’s about to be homeless and he’s afraid he hurt one of his closest friends feelings by having shit w his ex even tho we talked and#she said it’s fine and wahhhhh god fuck everything is so fucking scary all the time literally what the fuck ?!?!?!?!?!?! !?!??! GUYS IFS SO#SCARY AND NO ONE IS TALKING ABOJT JT (weare all talking about it all the time)#I just can’t seem to stop hurting the people I love and I don’t fucking mean to and the more I apologize the more it feels like I’m asking#for them to comfort me and I’m not !!!!! I just want things to be okay but then trying to be normal feels wrong cause I’m so anxious I’ve#hurt everyone just by existing near them and hey did i mention im going to be living in my fucking car in a month#I’m so anxious about everything all the time and it’s crushing me but also I’m so chill like I’ve been so normal been holding it all#together so fucking well but now like my fucking eating disorder is back I’m sure cause subconsciously I want to feel in control but like#fuck it’s making me lose it and my mom is just cheering me on when I’m practically asking like hey is this normal is this okay is this#healthy she’s like yeah you’re doing it the healthy way ! and I’m like okay ! yay ! and then I just keep being hungry and constantly thinkin#about my own made up fucking rules and the numbers and ugh it’s so fucking stupid !!!!! I thought I was past this like my eating shit hasn’#been this bad since I was maybe 13#like ugh. and I am so sickly proud of it. like yeah. I dropped 30 pounds in a month and a half.#okay probably closer to 25 but still fucking hell like !!!! ugh !!!!!!!!#why does it feel so good to be so mean to myself but obviously it doesn’t bc I’m having panic attacks about it but ugh idk#seeing changes in my body hearing people say they see changes is pushing me harder than I’d like it to. and I think I tried to talk to my#mom abt it so she could tell me it was unhealthy and I could kind of fix myself but now I’m like oh okay so this is right#and idk it’s just weird on top of everything else#I’m coming out of panic attack rambling so idk ignore this
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gingergari · 5 months ago
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i honestly do not think i will be able to draw all of these guys in time so here are my main splat ocs and their team alignments!
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maybe i’ll draw the winning team members 🤞🏽
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jankillbride · 11 months ago
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I’m rereading mob psycho cause I need some motivation in my life and the parallels between dimple and Reigen are just like ough to go through again.
#it’s kinda insane#ok not super insane but it just hits you in the face#Reigen talking about how LOL wasn’t helping anyone just making people dependent on dimple so mob did a good job#dimple talking about how he wants to understand mob better than anyone else because then mob will depend on him#and dimple gets access to that power#it’s 1. a glimpse into if Reigen had been worse and 2. shows why the story needs to happen#Reigen is dependent on mob for business sure but ultimately he can pick himself a life apart from mob#separation arc showed that because he was the one who chose to apologize and chose to do community service and he decided himself to just#step the fuck up#if Reigen were cut off from early in the manga he’d probably be the same too.#but like. dimples thing about dependence is not wrong#mob is very much dependent on Reigen for making sense of these emotions. which to a degree makes absolute sense#outside of his powers being a thing he’s a kid. kids are figuring everything out for the first time#but it doesn’t change the fact that mob was dependent on Reigen for this kind of. emotional need? is that the word?#Reigen is someone he trusts to know things and so it’s imperative that trust isn’t really broken#because then mobs foundation will shatter#it’s also a hint of a possible future when Reigen describes group psychology stuff in regards to LOL#they’re all smiling and laughing in the cult but outside the meetings they get more and more anxious and that’s why they return#that’s why they probably search for a god other than lord dimple when they’ve been ‘freed’#freed in the sense that the effect of cult psychology is still there but dimple is gone#in another world if Reigen failed mob would have found another mentor#also who’s to know what would’ve happened if the dependence did not occur and mob didn’t block his powers.#anyways that’s why I’m very much for the ending of mob getting his own life even tho Reigen isn’t super prominent in it anymore
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insanechayne · 1 year ago
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~ ~ ~
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salemlunaa · 29 days ago
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*ੈ𑁍༘⋆ I know some of you are scared in the back of your mind *ੈ𑁍༘⋆
but you don’t need to be, STOP RACING AGAINST THE CLOCK
TIME ISN’T REAL AND ITS DONE, IT’S INIVETABLE
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some of you are gaslighting yourself to into persisting while still being scared. You’re persisting in that new body but, in the back of your mind you’re scared that it won’t come before summer because you aren’t doing anything in the 3D, what if this is all for nothing. You’re persisting in your good grades but in the back of your mind you’re like “what if this is all for nothing, i need to study to get good grades”. So you’re scared, you waver and you start to believe that you’re nothing to change your reality.
And why is this
Because stupid society has told you that in order to see a result in absolutely anything, you must work for it. In order to get money, you MUST work. In order to pass you classes you MUST study. In order for your skin to clear up you MUST do skincare. You need to do something in the 3D to set things in motion is what they tell us. And because of that you think you’re being lazy, “what if i can’t actually manifest money and actually have to work for it, what have been doing this whole time?” So you panic and start wavering. And because of that it never comes. Because you’re SO skeptical of the fact that we don’t need to even touch our 3D to get what we want. You’ve been so conditioned to think another way you can’t fathom what’s right.
But what you need to realise is that creation is finished, done. There is nothing you need to do. at all. And it doesn’t take days or weeks to adopt this new mindset just know that in this moment, creation is finished. It takes a second to flip your thoughts you just need to persist. Why are you anxiously awaiting the deadline you’ve given yourself in the back of your mind? Time isn’t real, the 3D isn’t real. The 3D doesn’t determine your experience it’s your mind
for example
if you try and persist in a new body before summer and you’re anxious that you won’t get and believe that you just “should’ve worked out” → you won’t get what you want.
if you work out but you believe that you’re “not doing enough” → you won’t get what you want
so whether you did or you did not it didn’t matter, same outcome when your mind isn’t with it.
i’ll use good grades again as an example
Lora said she persisted in her good grades fore her exam, she tried staying strong however the scary exam talk from the teachers and other people around her got in her head. In the back of her mind she’s scared that it won’t work and that “she should’ve studied”(affirmation btw). She panics and wavers and then she doesn’t get what she wants.
This is because she couldn’t understand that creation is finished. The second she wanted those good grades they were hers, if only society didn’t constantly tell her she needs to work for a result. I have many friends who study and still don’t feel confident so they fail and re affirm that “they’re just dumb”, so it doesn’t matter what you do in your 3d because it isn’t real.
Creation is done, stop being scared. “what if is all for nothing and i fail?” (affirmation) you’re allowed to feel. but counter that by telling yourself what’s true. Your innerman doesn’t experience the 3d so it doesn’t matter what you do. Saturate your mind into believing what’s true.
Your innerman doesn’t experience time, there are no deadlines to be afraid of, it’s already yours.
stop thinking you need to persist for a certain amount of time for your manifestation to be valid. You only got your head in the game and started persisting in your dream life, “i should’ve been doing this for longer” time is not real, persisting in a fact for 60 seconds is the same as persisting in a fact for 60 days.
Let’s say both Luna and Lani are both trying to have their dream body before summer break in June. Luna started persisting in January, and Lani after months of wavering decided to persist in the last week of May. Time isn’t real so, it doesn’t matter how long theyve been persisting for, both of them get what they want.
Stop panicking it’s yours. Idc what’s going on your life, even if you’re backed up against a wall it’s yours. It’s okay to feel upset and panicky but don’t indulge in those feelings anymore let them pass, cast them out with psych k, or simple visualisation and tell yourself it’s already done.
If you hop on a train from london to paris, it doesn’t matter if you’re going to eat loads of food on the train, sleep or do an exercise in the middle of the isle like a crazy person, it’s still going to end up in paris. If you persist, no matter what, you will end up having what you want. Affirm to yourself “no matter what happens, everything is done”
don’t be afraid, creation is done
there’s nothing to do, and i mean this, you don’t have to meet in the middle with the 3D. EVER
there. is. nothing. absolutely. nothing. you. need. to. do 👏👏 it’s happened already
you have that face, body, house, car, you’ve induced pure consciousness, no. matter. what.
Why would you clean a house that’s already squeaky clean, why would you need to work for something THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE. If you were 8 months pregnant would you be scared that “it’s all for nothing” and that your baby won’t come when it’s due, that you’ll wake up and your stomach just disappears?
be serious
🌺🍯 stop feeling scared that something isn’t coming. you already have that thing.
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chillabuse · 1 year ago
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TW IN TAGS: MENT OF FATHERS, SH, AND IMPLIED AB*SE
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orangeblossomsintheair · 2 months ago
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LIONHEART (1/3) – LN4
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summary : lando’s anxious journey as a dad-to-be
wc : 11k
an : this fic is kind of the antithesis of my whole “casual blog” thing but we close our eyes!! not beta read and quite a mess. it’s also longer so i hope that’s okay :>
Lando had always been confident.
On the track, in the spotlight, with a helmet on his head and a steering wheel in his hands. But when you told him you were pregnant, all of that certainty evaporated in an instant.
He just stood there in the middle of your kitchen, staring at you as if you’d just announced you were moving to Mars.
“You’re joking,” he said after a beat, his voice higher than usual, almost squeaky.
“Why would I joke about this?” you replied, holding up the positive test, your own emotions a mix of excitement and nervousness.
He blinked, his aquamarine eyes wide with disbelief, before breaking into a grin so wide it could’ve lit up the whole room. “I’m going to be a dad?”
“Yes, Lando,” you said, trying not to laugh at how genuinely dumbfounded he looked.
“A dad?” he repeated, as though saying it louder would make it sink in faster.
“Yes, Lando,” you said again, this time laughing outright.
He crossed the room in two strides, pulling you into his arms and lifting you off your feet.
He spun you around with an uncontainable excitement, his hoodie brushing against your cheek as he held you tight.
“This is insane,” he mumbled into your hair. “We’re going to be parents!”
“Careful,” you said, swatting at him lightly as he set you down. “You don’t want to shake the baby loose already.”
“Oh, right,” he said, letting go and stepping back. His head jerked up as he processed your words, looking alarmed. “Wait, is that a thing? Can I- are you okay? Are we okay? Is the baby okay?”
You couldn’t help but laugh. “Lando, I found out like an hour ago. I’m pretty sure we’re fine.”
He paced the kitchen, running a hand through his curls as his grin came and went in waves. “A baby. We’re having a baby. Oh my God. Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”
“I don’t know yet, Lando,” you said, sitting down on the couch to watch him spiral. “We’ll find out soon enough.”
“What if it’s twins?” he gasped, spinning around to face you. “Oh, I should call my mum. No, wait, too soon. We need to come up with a plan first. Have you eaten today? You need to eat. Should we go to a doctor? Ooh, they need to be a really good doctor if they’re handling my wife and baby. Should I buy baby books? Do people still read books, or do we just Google everything now?”
“Lando,” you said firmly, grabbing his hand to pull him to a stop. “Breathe.”
He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly, nodding. “Right. Breathing. I can do that.”
He knelt down in front of you, his hands resting gently on your knees. “Sorry, I’m just… this is the biggest thing we’ve ever done.”
You smiled, brushing a curl out of his face. “It is. But we’ve got this, Lando.”
He leaned forward, resting his forehead against your belly, even though it wasn’t showing yet. “Hi in there,” he murmured, his voice soft and filled with wonder. “I’m your dad. I can’t promise I’ll always know what I’m doing, but I promise I’m going to love you more than anything in the world.”
—-
Lando had always been a man of routine– wake up, train, meetings, practice, race, repeat.
But preparing to be a dad? That was a whole different kind of race.
“I need a list,” he muttered one evening, pacing the living room while you sat on the couch, trying not to laugh. “No, like, several lists. One for baby stuff, one for the hospital bag, one for- what else do we need? Is there a book about this? Should I read a book?”
“Lando,” you interrupted gently, “you’re spiraling again.”
“I’m not spiraling! I’m… planning,” he countered, though the way he was raking his hand through his curls said otherwise. “We have to be ready, love. What if the baby comes early? What if I’m away for a race?”
You set aside the baby name book you were half-heartedly skimming and grabbed his hand, pulling him to sit beside you. “We’ll figure it out, okay? You’re doing great.”
He groaned, slumping against the couch. “Am I, though? I can barely keep my plants alive. How am I supposed to keep a tiny human alive?”
“First of all, I’m the one who keeps your plants alive,” you teased, earning a weak laugh from him. “And second, you’re going to be an amazing dad. You care so much already. It’s sweet.”
“But what if I miss something important?” he said, turning to you with wide, anxious eyes. “Like the first kick, or the first cry, or- or- what if you need me and I’m halfway across the world?”
You reached up to smooth his curls, trying to ease his tension. “Lando, you’ve already done so much. The private suite, rearranging your travel schedule to be here for every appointment… You’re balancing everything perfectly.”
—-
The next weekend, Lando was halfway across the world for a race.
He had tried to keep his focus on the track, but his mind kept drifting back to you, sitting at home with your feet propped up, texting him updates about every little thing- what you were craving, how you were feeling, and whether the baby had started kicking.
During a rare free afternoon between practice sessions, he found himself wandering into a bookstore. He had no real plan, he just knew he wanted to learn everything there was to know about being a dad.
The parenting section was tucked in a quiet corner of the shop, and as he stood there surrounded by shelves filled with brightly colored covers promising to teach him how to raise a baby, the weight of it all started to settle in.
At first, Lando was focused, scanning the titles with a determined expression. “The New Dad’s Guide to Baby Basics,” “How to Survive Your Baby’s First Year,” “Sleep Training 101.”
He picked up a few books, flipping through them as if the answers to all his worries might jump out at him.
He grabbed his phone, quickly dialing you.
“Hey, love,” he said, his voice soft and warm. “Quick question- do you think the baby’s gonna like white noise machines? Because this one book says they’re a lifesaver, but another one says they’re not necessary. And then there’s this other chapter about swaddling- do you know how to swaddle? Because I don’t.”
You laughed softly on the other end of the line. “Lando, you’re overthinking again. We’ve got months to figure this all out.”
“I know,” he sighed, running a hand through his curls. “I just… I want to be good at this. I want to be ready.”
And then, as he stood there in the middle of the bookstore, holding a stack of baby books, it hit him.
He was going to be a dad.
The thought wasn’t new. It had been there since the day you told him you were pregnant. But standing there, picturing your little family and the tiny person who was going to look up to him, rely on him, need him… it was overwhelming in the best way.
“Lando?” you said gently, pulling him back to the moment. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, though his voice cracked a little. He cleared his throat, his free hand gripping the book tightly.
“I just-” He laughed nervously. “It’s a lot, you know? I mean, I’m going to be someone’s dad. That’s huge. What if I mess up? I’m practically a child!”
You smiled, wishing you could hug him through the phone. “You won’t mess up. You’re already doing amazing, and the baby’s not even here yet. You care so much, Lando. That’s what matters.”
He took a deep breath, letting your words sink in. “Thanks, love. I just… I want to do this right. For you. For them.”
“You will,” you reassured him. “And for the record, I think the baby’s going to love white noise machines and your ridiculous dad jokes.”
Lando chuckled, the tension in his chest easing slightly. “You think? Because I’ve already got a few saved up. Want to hear one?”
“No,” you teased, laughing. “Save them for when the baby’s old enough to groan at them.”
He grinned, his confidence slowly returning as he balanced the books in his arms. “Okay, okay. I’ll wait. But just so you know, they’re gold.”
After that call, Lando left the store with an armful of books and a heart that was a little fuller, a little steadier.
He still had moments of doubt, of wondering if he was truly ready for this massive change in his life.
But one thing he knew for sure- he couldn’t wait to meet the little person who was already changing his world.
—-
Even as Lando threw himself into preparation mode with the same energy he brought to a race weekend, scouring books and online articles about parenting, he still often got hilariously sidetracked by baby-related gadgets and gear.
“Did you know they make mini race suits for babies?” he asked one night, sprawled across the couch with his phone in hand, his eyes wide with excitement.
You glanced up from your own book, raising an eyebrow. “Lando, the baby’s not even born yet. Don’t you think it’s a little early for racing gear?”
“But imagine the photos!” he argued, sitting up and holding his phone out toward you like it was the discovery of the century.
On the screen was a tiny race suit in McLaren orange. “Our kid’s first photo: full McLaren merch. It’ll be iconic!”
You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “Iconic or not, I think diapers are going to be a bigger priority than race suits.”
“Why not both?” he shot back with a grin, already scrolling to find more baby-sized racing gear.
“Oh my god, look at this! miniature headphones for the paddock! Our baby could be sitting in the garage, looking like a proper little team member.”
“Lando,” you said, trying to sound serious but failing as a smile tugged at your lips, “our baby isn’t going to be born straight into a Formula 1 garage.”
He gasped dramatically, clutching his chest. “Blasphemy! Of course they are. It’s practically tradition.”
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help feeling touched by his enthusiasm. He wasn’t just excited; he was genuinely looking forward to every part of being a dad, even the ridiculous ones.
That wasn’t to say there weren’t more.. unwise moments even with non-racing related baby items.
Like the time he came home from a race weekend with three identical diaper bags.
“Lando,” you said, holding one up. “Why do we need three of these?”
“They’re different brands,” he explained, looking genuinely confused as to why you were asking. “What if one of them is better? Or has more pockets?”
“Pockets?”
“Yeah! Babies need a lot of stuff, right? I saw a mom at the airport with one of these, and she looked like she had her life together. I want you to have your life together too.”
You burst out laughing, and he groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Stop laughing! I’m trying to be prepared!”
“You’re overprepared,” you said, setting the bags down and walking over to wrap your arms around him. “But that’s why I love you.”
But it also wasn’t all fun and games.
Lando was determined to be as supportive as possible, especially when it came to your comfort. He took “protective husband” to a whole new level during your first trimester, hovering like an overzealous pit crew.
“Lando, I can still carry my own bag,” you told him one morning as he practically wrestled your tote out of your hands.
“Nope,” he said firmly, slinging it over his shoulder like it was his new personal mission. “You’re carrying our future world champion. I’ve got this.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “It’s a tote bag, not a tire. I think I can manage.”
“Well, I’m not taking any chances,” he replied, puffing out his chest dramatically. “What kind of dad would I be if I let you strain yourself this early?”
“A sane one?” you teased.
He huffed, clutching the bag like it was a trophy. “I’ll ignore that slander. Now, where’s your water bottle? And your snacks? Have you eaten? Do you need to sit down?”
You groaned, rolling your eyes. “Lando, I’m fine. You don’t need to act like I’m about to collapse any second.”
“Not on my watch,” he declared, marching ahead of you with your bag.
“Do you even know how many articles I’ve read about pregnancy? You’re supposed to avoid heavy lifting, stay hydrated, and-”
“-and avoid stress,” you interrupted, smirking. “Which you’re causing right now with all this hovering.”
“I’m helping,” he corrected, spinning around to face you with a determined look. “And besides, you’d thank me if you saw the kind of stuff I’ve been reading. Did you know some women crave chalk during pregnancy? Chalk! What if that happens to you? I need to be prepared!”
“Lando, I’m not craving chalk,” you said, trying not to laugh.
“Not yet,” he countered, narrowing his eyes like it was only a matter of time. “But when you do, I’ll be ready with… I don’t know, chalk alternatives or something.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing on your phone? Researching chalk alternatives?”
“Among other things,” he said with a shrug, completely serious.
“Did you know we might need a whole new mattress? Pregnant people need optimal support. And I saw this thing about belly bands. Do you want one? I can order it right now. Oh! And don’t even get me started on prenatal yoga-”
You reached out to grab his arm, laughing. “Okay, slow down, Mr. Norris. You’re going to give yourself a stress rash before we even get to the second trimester.”
He looked at you sheepishly, his determination softening into a shy smile. “I just… I want to do this right, you know? I’ve never done this before.”
You softened, cupping his cheek. “I know, love. And you’re doing amazing. But you don’t have to do everything perfectly. Just… be here. That’s all I need.”
His shoulders relaxed a little, and he leaned into your touch. “Okay,” he murmured.
Then, after a beat: “But I’m still carrying the bag.”
“Of course you are,” you said, shaking your head as he flashed you that trademark cheeky grin.
From then on, Lando took his role as your personal assistant very seriously. He stocked the fridge with all your favorite snacks, some of which you hadn’t even asked for.
“I saw this article about pickles and peanut butter,” he said one day, holding up a jar. “Do you think you’ll want to try it? Should I get bread?”
“You’re the one who’s going to end up eating it,” you teased.
And when it came to appointments, he was like a man on a mission. He set reminders, packed snacks for the waiting room, and even insisted on bringing a notebook to jot down questions.
“I don’t want to forget anything important,” he said, scribbling furiously while the doctor explained prenatal vitamins.
“You’re going to end up with a full-on pregnancy thesis,” you joked.
“Good,” he replied, deadpan.
“Because I need to know everything.”
He was equal parts adorable and exhausting, but one thing was clear: Lando was already the most devoted dad-to-be you could have asked for.
—-
Lando insisted on attending every single doctor’s appointment, even if it meant rearranging his training schedule or skipping a media event.
He didn’t care what he had to move around, he was going to be there.
Your husband had always been incredibly aware of his public image, and he knew his absence in a lot of McLaren PR videos was beginning to be noticed.
The whispers started subtly at first, just a few fans commenting on his social media posts, wondering why he wasn’t posting as frequently, why he wasn’t sharing his usual behind-the-scenes content.
But over time, it started to get louder. On Twitter, the rumors spread like wildfire.
Fans questioning his commitment to racing, accusing him of not showing up enough for the sport.
He couldn’t give a damn, to be honest.
“I don’t want to miss anything,” he told you one day as you both waited in the ultrasound room.
He was fidgeting with the strap of his McLaren cap, spinning it around in his hands like it was the only thing grounding him.
“What if they show us something important, like the baby’s heartbeat, and I’m not here? I’d never forgive myself.”
“You’ll see everything,” you assured him, lacing your fingers with his and giving his hand a squeeze. “I promise you won’t miss a thing.”
He exhaled deeply but didn’t stop fidgeting. “Do you think they’re okay? Like, really okay? What if the baby’s too small? What if-”
“Lando,” you interrupted gently, giving him a pointed look. “Breathe. Everything’s fine. You’re panicking for nothing.”
He let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “Sorry, I just... I’ve never been this nervous before. Not even before my first race.”
When the ultrasound tech finally entered the room and began the scan, Lando nearly jumped out of his seat.
He leaned forward, his eyes glued to the screen, his hand clutching yours like it was a lifeline.
“Alright,” the tech said with a kind smile, turning the screen toward you both. “Here’s your baby.”
Lando froze, his eyes wide as the faint image of your baby appeared on the monitor. “That’s… them?” he whispered, his voice barely audible.
“That’s them,” the tech confirmed, moving the wand slightly. “And if you look right here, you’ll see their heartbeat.”
She pointed to a tiny flicker on the screen, and Lando’s breath caught. “Is that… Is that their heart?”
“Yes,” she said warmly. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”
Lando’s eyes immediately welled up with tears. He blinked rapidly, clearly trying to keep them from falling, but one slipped down his cheek anyway.
“Oh my God,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “That’s them. That’s our baby.”
You reached up to wipe the tear from his cheek, your own eyes misty. “They’re perfect, aren’t they?”
“They are,” he said, his voice full of awe.
Then he turned to you with the biggest grin you’d ever seen, his face lighting up like a kid on Christmas morning. “They’ve already got your heart, don’t they?”
“And yours,” you added softly, squeezing his hand.
Lando laughed quietly, his free hand running through his hair. “This is insane. Like, actually insane. That’s a real human. Our human. I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” you replied, smiling at him. “Just feel it.”
He nodded, his gaze drifting back to the screen. “They’re so small,” he murmured, almost to himself. Then he let out a shaky laugh.
“God, I hope they get your patience. And your smarts. And maybe your taste in music too, because mine’s questionable at best.”
“They’ll be a little bit of both of us,” you said. “The good and the bad.”
“And hopefully less of the bad,” he joked, his smile growing wider. “Although if they’re anything like me, they’ll probably be a little naughty regardless.”
He spent a few moments just staring in silent awe of the ultrasound before leaning over and pressing a kiss to your temple. “We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?”
You nodded, resting your head against his shoulder. “More than okay, Lando. We’re going to be great.”
For the rest of the appointment, Lando couldn’t stop staring at the monitor.
He asked the tech at least three times if he could get extra printouts of the ultrasound, and as soon as you left the room, he was texting the photo to his parents.
“You won’t believe this,” he said excitedly as he hit send. “They’re already perfect. I mean, look at them!”
You laughed, shaking your head at his enthusiasm. “You’re going to be insufferable, aren’t you?”
“Absolutely,” he replied with a grin, slipping the ultrasound photo into his wallet like it was his most prized possession.
—-
Lando stood in the kitchen, pacing around the table with the cake in front of him.
His hands were a blur, adjusting every little decoration as if this one cake would determine the future of the entire Norris family.
He wiped his brow for what felt like the tenth time, clearly worked up.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” Lando asked again, his voice laced with nerves, as he fiddled with the tiny blue and pink ribbons on top of the cake.
You raised an eyebrow, watching him with a grin. “Lando, it’s just cake. I don’t need a fireworks show or a parade. Just let me eat it. We’re finding out if we’re having a mini-me or mini-you today, not the cure for world hunger.”
He looked at you, eyes wide with mock concern. “I know! But this is important, okay? This cake isn’t just cake. It’s the cake that’s gonna reveal if our baby’s gonna have my style or your... I don’t know, your taste in TV shows.”
You couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, so my TV shows are the problem now? I seem to remember you binge-watching those ridiculous reality shows last week.”
Lando chuckled, adjusting the cake for the third time. “Fine. But I will not apologize for the occasional guilty pleasure, okay?”
Before you could fire back, there was a knock at the door, and Lando’s parents stormed in, as excited as ever, clearly eager to be part of the big reveal.
His mom was practically jumping up and down, already holding a bottle of champagne in one hand.
“Alright, alright, we ready for this?!” she practically shouted, already bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Lando, you didn’t mess up the cake, did you?”
Lando puffed out his chest, trying to seem cool, but you could tell he was as jittery as a kid before Christmas. ���What do you think? I’m a pro. I’ve got this under control.”
His dad leaned in and clapped him on the back with a knowing look. “Sure, sure. It’s just cake, son. Don’t overthink it.”
“Easy for you to say!” Lando replied, rolling his eyes but clearly taking comfort in his dad’s easy confidence.
“Do I need to set up a tent or something for you? I can go grab the calm-down snacks,” his mom teased, already rifling through the bags of baby gifts she had brought with her.
Lando gave her a playful glare. “I’m fine, Mom. I’m just...you know, a little excited.”
He turned back to the cake, brushing his hands against his jeans as if trying to shake off his nerves. “Right. Big moment.”
You crossed your arms, trying to stifle your laughter at the drama of it all. “You know, you’re acting like you’re about to drive the final lap of a Grand Prix, not slice a cake, right?”
Lando shot you a look, half guilty, half defensive. “What do you mean? This is important, okay?”
“Yeah, because the world is watching,” you quipped, leaning against the counter with a grin.
“Absolutely! What if the cake doesn’t come out perfectly? What if it’s not the right color? What if-”
“Lando,” you interrupted with a chuckle, “I’m pretty sure it’ll be okay if it’s not perfect. It’s just a cake.”
He sighed dramatically. “You don’t get it. This is a moment. A huge one! I can’t mess this up.”
(Lando’s parents exchanged amused glances. “He’s got it bad, huh?” his dad whispered to his mom.
“Oh, you don’t even know,” she replied with a wink.)
“You’re really sure you’re not panicking?” you teased, nudging him, raising an eyebrow.
Lando flashed you a grin. “Nope. I’ve totally got it handled. This is the most important moment of our lives, and I’m... handling it.”
The room filled up with laughter and chatter as family and friends settled into their spots, everyone eager to be a part of the big moment.
The cake, a simple vanilla sponge with soft pastel decorations, sat in front of you all like a ticking clock. Lando’s hands hovered above it, shaking slightly as he gripped the knife.
You placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Lando, it’s going to be fine.”
He gave you a nervous smile. “Yeah, I know. I’m just- just a little excited.”
He cut the first slice carefully, holding his breath. His eyes darted between the cake and you, trying to gauge the moment, the color, the reaction.
“Is it-” Lando’s mom leaned forward, eager and almost bouncing in her seat. “Is it blue or pink?”
When Lando saw the blue filling spill out from the cake, it was like a switch flipped inside him.
His hands trembled for a moment, and then, without warning, his lips curled into a grin so wide it could have lit up the whole room.
He threw his arms up in the air, as if he’d just crossed the finish line, his chest puffing out like he’d just clinched a Grand Prix victory.
“YES!” he yelled, his voice carrying the excitement and relief of a race win. He even did a little fist pump, completely caught up in the moment, forgetting the cake still had to be served.
His family burst into laughter, but Lando didn't care. He was riding high on the adrenaline of the moment, his face flushed with joy. He turned to you, eyes wide and sparkling, as if the world had just handed him the greatest trophy imaginable.
“I’ve got a son! A SON! I’m gonna be a dad to a little boy!” he exclaimed, his voice rising in a playful tone, as if he was addressing a crowd at a podium.
“Lando, you’re not actually racing a Grand Prix right now,” you said, your laughter shaking your voice. “You don’t need to act like you just won Monaco!”
Lando paused for a split second, still grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, but I am! This is my Monaco moment!”
—-
Before your son arrived, the two of you spent countless hours brainstorming names, debating, and laughing at your ideas, the excitement of becoming parents finally hitting both of you.
You sat on the couch in the private suite, your legs curled up underneath you as you flicked through baby name books.
Lando, sprawled beside you with his laptop open, occasionally paused to glance at you, a goofy grin on his face.
“You know what would be funny?” Lando said, his eyes lighting up. “If we named him after a race track. Like, Monaco or Spa.”
You raised an eyebrow, amused but skeptical. “Monaco? Really? We’re naming our kid after a place?”
Lando shrugged with a playful grin. “It’s iconic. Imagine saying, ‘This is my son, Spa Norris.’ Sounds like he’s destined to be a Formula 1 champion, right?”
You laughed, shaking your head. “Yeah, that’s not going to fly. I’m not going to name our son after a race track, Lando.”
He pouted, pretending to be disappointed. “You’re no fun. I thought you’d be into it.”
You shot him a playful look. “Well, if you’re going to go that route, we might as well name him something like 'Aston' or 'Ferrari'.”
Lando dramatically gasped. “Ferrari Norris?” he echoed, as if he’d just had an epiphany. “That actually sounds pretty cool.” He immediately began typing it into his phone. “Imagine the headlines: ‘Little Ferrari Norris shows up at the karting track, stealing the show already.’”
You chuckled, giving him a teasing nudge. “Okay, okay. Let’s put a pin in that one, but seriously, we need something that isn’t a car or a race track. We need to think long-term. He’s not going to be five years old forever.”
Lando sat back, tapping his fingers on the side of his laptop, deep in thought. “How about Maximus? It sounds strong, right?”
You gave him a flat look. “You realize that would just end up as Max, and then we’d have to deal with every comparison to Verstappen and Max, right?”
Lando’s eyes widened slightly as you pointed out the potential issue. He paused, tapping his fingers on the laptop as he processed your words.
“Oh, right,” he said slowly, running a hand through his hair. “Maximus could be a disaster. Imagine our kid being called Max every time. He’ll spend his whole life being compared to Verstappen, and Max.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, not ideal. We’re already in the spotlight enough with you and everything, we don’t need to add fuel to the fire.”
Lando groaned, slouching slightly in his chair. “Okay, so no Maximus. What about... Thor? Sounds strong, right? A god or something.”
You blinked, trying to keep a straight face. “Lando, we're naming our kid, not preparing him for a Marvel movie.”
“I’m just saying,” he grinned, holding his hands up in mock defense. “Thor Norris. Sounds pretty cool, right? Imagine him on the playground.”
“Yeah, until he gets bullied for being named after a thunder god,” you replied with a teasing smile. “We want a name that’s strong, but also, you know, normal.”
Lando sighed dramatically, rubbing his temples. “Why is this so hard? This is supposed to be the fun part!”
“Because you're overthinking it,” you said, leaning over to ruffle his hair. “We don't need to make him sound like a superhero. We need something that suits him, something that feels right.”
Lando scrolled through a few more names on his phone. “What about Leo? You know, like the lion?”
You looked over at him, a thoughtful expression crossing your face. “Leo.. huh, I kind of like that.”
Lando met your gaze, his smile softening. “I do too. It feels strong. But it’s also… warm. I can imagine him growing up with that name.”
You smiled, already picturing your son, little Leo, chasing after you both in a go-kart, or laughing as he wore his tiny McLaren onesie.
“I think that’s the one,” you said softly, your heart warming at the thought of it.
Lando nodded, his voice quieter now. “Leo Norris. Yeah… I like it.”
You both sat there for a while, soaking in the reality that soon, you’d have a little one to love and raise.
A mix of excitement and nervous energy filled the air. But above it all, you both felt the quiet, comforting certainty that you’d chosen the right name.
“Leo Norris,” Lando repeated, his grin returning. “You’re going to be so cool, little guy.”
—-
By the time the baby’s due date was right around the corner, Lando had practically perfected the art of juggling his high-pressure career with impending fatherhood.
He FaceTimed you every chance he got during race weekends, even if it was just for a few minutes, to check in and ask how you and the baby were doing.
Every call was an opportunity for him to make silly faces at your growing belly, as if your unborn child could already understand what he was doing.
“How’s my little team doing today?” Lando asked, his face beaming from the screen, grinning like a kid with a secret.
You raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘little team’? It’s still just one person, you know.”
He paused, holding his hands up as though giving you a game plan. “It’s all about the future, babe. Right now, it’s just me and you, but soon, we’re gonna have our first real team member. And I’m gonna be the best team principal there ever was.” He winked, clearly enjoying the idea.
You couldn’t help but laugh. “Uh-huh. Sure. First, you have to figure out how to change a diaper before you’re giving out performance reviews.”
Lando's grin faded slightly, and his expression became more serious. “I can change a tire under pressure, but... a diaper? You’re sure I’m gonna be okay with that?”
You rolled your eyes playfully. “You’ve changed car tires with a stopwatch ticking down. A diaper is like... one percent of the stress.”
Lando scratched his head, clearly still not totally convinced. “Yeah, but there’s a lot more wiggle with a baby than with a tire.”
You chuckled, hearing the nerves in his voice despite his usual cocky demeanor. “I’m sure you’ll manage. You’re gonna be a great dad. Besides, how bad can it be? Worst-case scenario, we just put him in a McLaren onesie and call it a day.”
Lando’s eyes lit up. “Wait, does McLaren make baby clothes?” he asked, suddenly distracted, pulling out his phone.
You sighed, trying not to laugh. “Focus, Lando, the baby comes first, not McLaren merch.”
But he didn’t hear you.
He was too busy scrolling through his phone, searching for baby-sized McLaren gear. “Just imagine! Tiny little race suits! Our kid’s first proper race suit! It’ll be legendary*”
You smirked. “Right, because that’s all a baby needs, to be decked out in McLaren gear. A future world champion and fashion icon.”
Lando nodded seriously, still scrolling. “Exactly. The sooner they start looking the part, the sooner they’ll feel the pressure to deliver.”
You shook your head, your lips curving into a smile. “You’re definitely going to spoil this kid rotten.”
“I’m just preparing them for greatness!” Lando declared, his voice mock-serious. “Besides, they’re going to have someone to look up to.”
You laughed, a soft teasing tone in your voice. “You mean you? The guy who keeps asking me if he’ll be cool enough for a toddler?”
Lando looked at you, eyebrows furrowing with mock panic. “I just want them to think I’m cool, okay? What if they’re disappointed? What if they grow up to think I’m just some guy who drives a car really fast and wears too many McLaren hats?”
You snorted, not even trying to hide your amusement. “Lando, you drive a Formula 1 car for a living. I think you’ll manage to impress a toddler.”
“Yeah, well, toddlers are tough critics,” he muttered, flopping back onto his bed. “What if they want a cooler dad? Like, what if they see some famous soccer player or something and think he’s way cooler than their dad?”
“Lando, the kid isn’t even born yet, and you’re already stressing about being the coolest parent?” You shook your head, trying to hold back laughter. “Relax. You’re gonna be the coolest dad, hands down.”
“You really think so?” Lando asked, his tone suddenly turning sincere, a soft smile curling his lips.
“Absolutely,” you replied, your voice full of confidence. “You’re gonna be amazing. And anyway, when they get older, they'll think you're the coolest just because you drive an F1 car. That’s literally a dream job for kids.”
Lando smiled at you through the screen, clearly reassured. “Alright, alright. I can live with that.” He paused for a moment, his
“I’m gonna train them up. Baby steps, right? First, it’s McLaren onesies. Then, they’ll be driving go-karts by five.”
You rolled your eyes, laughing. “I think you’ve got a few years before that happens, buddy.”
—-
Lando had been pacing the living room for what felt like hours, his hands in his hair and his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
You watched him from the couch, amused by how obviously he was working up the courage to say something.
Finally, unable to take his fidgeting any longer, you set your book down and raised an eyebrow at him.
“Alright, spill it,” you said, crossing your arms.
He stopped pacing, turning to you with a sheepish grin. “Okay, don’t get mad, but… can I tell Carlos?”
You blinked at him, confused. “Tell Carlos what?”
“The baby!” Lando blurted, throwing his hands in the air. “I swear I won’t say anything to anyone else, but I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t tell someone. And Carlos, he’s my best mate in the paddock, you know? and I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t tell someone. He’s good at keeping secrets! Remember when I told him about… well, you know…”
You smirked. “The time you accidentally spilled coffee all over Zak’s favorite race notes and blamed the wind?”
Lando groaned, running a hand through his curls. “Yes, that! He didn’t tell anyone!”
He leaned in closer, his big, pleading eyes locking onto yours. “Please, love. I need someone to talk to about this in the paddock. I promise it’ll stay between me and him. And you, of course. You’re the boss.”
“You’re ridiculous,” you said, shaking your head with a smile.
“But adorable?” he pressed, grinning mischievously.
You laughed, shaking your head at his antics. “Alright, alright. You can tell Carlos. But only Carlos. If I see headlines about ‘Baby Norris’ next week, I’m blaming you.”
Lando let out a victorious whoop, throwing his arms around you and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “You won’t regret this, I promise! I’ll handle it perfectly.”
“Uh-huh,” you teased. “Just don’t come crying to me if he accidentally tells the entire grid.”
“He won’t!” Lando assured you, already pulling out his phone. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Spaniard to swear into secrecy.”
—-
Lando, despite his enthusiasm around friends and family, had always been the type to keep his personal life as far away from the media as possible, especially when it came to you and your pregnancy.
He’d pulled you aside earlier on, his brow furrowed in a mix of excitement and concern.
“I just want to protect you from all that stress, love,” he’d said softly, his hands resting on your shoulders. “The media’s only gonna make everything harder. Let’s keep it to ourselves and family and friends until we’re ready.”
You’d agreed, knowing his intention was to shield you from any unnecessary pressure.
So, you kept things under wraps, avoiding public appearances and letting Lando handle the media while you focused on your health and well-being.
But as your pregnancy progressed and your bump started to show, it became harder to stay out of the public eye.
At first, you’d manage to sneak in a few appearances, sitting in the background, away from the cameras. But soon, you started pulling back even more, skipping races altogether. The tabloids, however, didn’t miss a beat.
Lando was pacing back and forth in your living room, muttering to himself as he read through the latest batch of articles about him and your supposed divorce.
You could practically see the frustration building in him. He was giving off full-on whiny vibes, and you couldn't help but smirk at how ridiculous the whole thing seemed.
“I swear, they’ve completely lost their minds!” Lando groaned, throwing his phone down onto the couch with a dramatic flair. “What do they mean we’re getting divorced? Have they seen you? Why would I ever, ever, let you go?”
You leaned back on the couch, trying to keep your composure as he began pacing again. “Lando, calm down. It’s just the media. They love making stuff up.”
“No, it’s not just the media!” he whined, stopping mid-pacing to stare at you. “This is serious! They think I’m out here with a divorce like that’s even a thing. I’m happily married! You’re at home growing our kid, not plotting some dramatic breakup!”
You tried to hold back your laugh, but Lando’s whining was getting funnier by the second. “Babe, seriously, it’s not the end of the world. You’re acting like the tabloids are going to come for us with pitchforks.”
“I’m just-” He paused, running his hands through his hair like he was about to pull it out.
“I’m just trying to figure out how they got this idea. I’m not... like, I’m not perfect, but come on! Look at you! You’re gorgeous, and we’re over here living our best life, why would I ever let you go?”
You grinned, giving him a teasing side-eye. “Aww, are you saying I’m too good for you?”
Lando froze, turning to you with wide eyes. “No! I mean, yes, but no!” He huffed dramatically, flopping down onto the couch next to you. “You’re perfect! You’re the perfect wife! And you’re the one who makes everything better, and now they’re out here saying I’m getting divorced? No! That’s not how this works!”
You reached over, resting your hand on his, trying to hold back your own laughter. “Lando, babe, it’s just rumors. People are bored. They don’t know anything, and they’re making stuff up. Just ignore it.”
He looked at you like you’d just suggested the impossible.
“Ignore it? How am I supposed to ignore this? They’re making me look like the worst husband in the world! Divorce? I’ve been married for, like, what, five minutes? And now I’m already getting a bad rep? This is ridiculous!”
You snorted, finally giving in to the humor of the situation. “Okay, okay, so how are you planning to fix it? Go out there and shout from the rooftops?”
Lando sighed heavily, clearly still upset. “I don’t know! Maybe I should just do an entire press conference. ‘Hello, everyone, just in case there was any doubt, I’m not divorced! I’m happily married! And I’m going home to my gorgeous wife and our baby, who will totally not grow up to be a Formula 1 driver, I promise.’”
You couldn’t stop laughing now. “Babe, just post a picture of us and say ‘Still happily married’ that’ll do the trick.”
Lando groaned in frustration. “But why do I have to do that? Why can’t people just know? It’s like they’ve forgotten what happiness looks like. They’re just out here making up stories!”
You patted his leg, smiling fondly at him. “You’re cute when you get worked up, you know that?”
He shot you a look. “I’m serious! This is outrageous. I swear, if I see one more headline about our ‘divorce,’ I’m gonna lose it.”
“Alright, alright,” you said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Calm down. It’s just noise. We know what’s real.”
Lando pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not a fan of this noise. It’s too much, and I just want to be left alone to focus on being an amazing husband and father. Is that too much to ask?”
You smiled, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “No, love. It’s not too much to ask. But maybe, just maybe, try to ignore the headlines for once?”
He sighed dramatically. “Fine. I’ll try. But if they start talking about me again... I’m calling a press conference.”
—-
Lando had just finished a grueling race, his face flushed with exertion but still carrying that unmistakable grin.
He was on cloud nine, but he could already sense the usual flood of media around him. It was never just about the race with him, it was always about something else, something personal.
As he was making his way to the interview zone, one journalist, eager to get the scoop, stepped in front of him with a grin.
“Lando, congratulations on the win! How’s everything going with your wife? We’ve heard a lot of speculation recently, some rumors flying around about your relationship. Can you clear that up for us?”
Lando froze mid-step, his brow furrowing. The questions about his relationship with you had been relentless recently, but this, this was the last straw.
The media had taken their guesses and spun them into wild stories. He had kept quiet for as long as possible, but today, something inside him snapped.
“Rumors?” Lando repeated, voice low but filled with frustration.
He glanced over at his PR team, who were silently freaking out in the background, and then he turned back to the reporter, a small, sarcastic smirk pulling at his lips. “Yeah, here’s the thing.”
He paused, taking a deep breath. His hands were shaking from the adrenaline of the race, but his eyes were laser-focused on the reporter.
“Here’s the thing,” Lando said again, this time louder, looking directly into the camera, “I’m going to give a shout-out to my beautiful wife right now, and to hell with everyone else. To all the tabloids, the rumors, and the people making things up… fuck you. I love my wife. She’s amazing. We’re happy. Now, can we get back to the racing?”
Lando’s eyes burned with a mixture of frustration and determination as he stood there, refusing to back down.
The crowd of reporters and cameras around him seemed to freeze for a moment, unsure of how to react to his sudden outburst.
“Seriously,” he continued, his voice steadier now, but still tinged with that raw intensity, “I’ve kept quiet for as long as I can. I get it, you want the drama, you want the headlines.”
He glanced around at the sea of microphones pointed at him, his gaze intense. The silence hung heavy in the air, broken only by the hum of distant chatter.
“But I’m here to race,” he added, his jaw clenched. “So, let me make it clear. My wife and I are doing great. I’m not hiding anything from anyone. The only thing I’m focused on is the fact that I just finished on a podium position, and that's what matters.”
For a moment, he allowed himself to breathe, his chest still rising and falling from the aftershocks of the race and the adrenaline of the moment.
The reporter, still holding the microphone, looked almost shocked by Lando’s outburst, but before they could get another word in, Lando raised his hand, cutting them off.
“I’ve had enough,” he said firmly. “So here’s the deal. To everyone who wants to keep spreading rumors or digging into our lives. Don’t. And to my wife, if you’re watching this, I love you. You’re incredible.”
There was a brief moment of silence, and then, with a final glance at the camera, Lando broke into a grin.
“And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a celebration to get to. See you at the next race.”
With that, he turned, walking away from the reporters, leaving them dumbfounded and speechless. His PR team scrambled behind him, clearly trying to catch up and figure out how to spin this into something less... explosive, but Lando wasn’t having it.
He was done with the noise, done with the rumors. And if the media wanted a story, they could have that one because he wasn’t hiding his love for you, and he wasn’t going to let anyone tell a different story.
Back in the paddock, as he made his way toward the celebration, he pulled out his phone, sending you a quick text: “Hey, I may have just lost my cool on live TV but don’t worry, it was for you. Love you always 🧡”
As soon as the text sent, Lando couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.
—-
When you saw the text pop up on your phone, you blinked at it for a moment, reading it over a few times to make sure you weren’t misinterpreting things.
You didn’t have a chance to misinterpret anything when you were bombarded by videos of Lando’s recent stunt by your friends and family.
You froze.
The sheer audacity of him, of his love for you, left you speechless for a moment.
Of course, Lando had always been passionate, always been the kind of person who wasn’t afraid to stand up for what mattered to him. But this?
This was a whole other level. You couldn’t help but let out a laugh, a combination of shock and amusement.
You immediately hit the video call button, your heart racing.
When his face appeared on the screen, he was still beaming with that grin he wore after a good race, sweaty, glowing, and impossibly handsome.
But then, his eyes widened when he saw the expression on your face.
“What?” he asked, still out of breath from the race, his grin fading a little. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
You couldn’t help yourself. “Lando Norris,” you began, trying to keep your voice steady, “did you just… tell everyone to fuck off on live TV?!”
His eyes grew comically wide, and he immediately slapped a hand to his forehead, groaning dramatically as if he was ashamed of his actions. “I swear I didn’t mean to-”
“Oh, you didn’t mean to?!” you interrupted, laughing uncontrollably, clutching your stomach from how hard you were giggling. “Lando, that was literally a full-on ‘fuck you’ to the media! And you said it was for me?!”
He flushed, sheepish but still trying to hide his growing smile. “Look, okay, I was just- uh- tired of the rumors, alright? And when they asked about you- about us- I just kind of... lost it. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to make sure they all knew how much I love you. How happy we are.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” you said, still laughing, wiping a tear from your eye. “You’re really doing a great job of showing that. It was the most Lando Norris thing you could’ve done!”
Lando leaned back against the wall, clearly embarrassed but still that familiar, playful Lando you knew and loved. “I didn’t think it’d go that far,” he muttered, but then his grin returned. “But you know what? Fuck it. They can say what they want.”
You let out a breath, finally calming down, though you were still grinning. “You are such a dork,” you said, shaking your head with affection. “But I love you for it. Seriously. I never thought I’d be watching you on TV yelling at the media like that.”
He puffed out his chest, doing a little dramatic bow. “What can I say? I’m just a man in love.”
“I’m starting to think you’re also a man who has no filter,” you teased, leaning in closer to the screen. “But I can’t deny, it’s kind of… hot.”
Lando’s cheeks flushed at that, and he let out a chuckle. “Oh, now you’re really making me blush. I can’t believe I just did that...”
“You definitely made a statement,” you said, the smile still playing on your lips. “The whole world now knows you’re not just a great driver- you're a very passionate husband, apparently. Also, good luck with your PR team after that one.”
“Oh, they’re probably freaking out right now,” Lando said with a knowing grin. “But hey, at least I got to make things clear.”
You paused for a moment, letting his words settle. “You know what, Lando? I really appreciate it. I know the media can be overwhelming, and I’m glad you’re doing what you can to protect us, even if it means embarrassing yourself a little. But just... maybe next time? You could, I don’t know, use a little less profanity?”
“Right,” he said, nodding seriously. “Next time, I’ll scream it in sign language. Less dramatic, more subtle.”
You rolled your eyes, but your heart swelled with affection. “You’re impossible.”
“I know,” he grinned. “But I’m your impossible.”
—-
When the end of the racing season finally rolled around, Lando could hardly contain his excitement.
The grueling months of races, travel, and endless media commitments were finally over, and he was about to have a few weeks of uninterrupted time with you and the baby.
The weight of the season had been heavy, and now that it was over, he felt like he could breathe again, and it felt amazing.
For weeks leading up to the last race, Lando had been counting down the days.
The moment he heard the announcement that the season was officially over, his excitement bubbled over. He was practically buzzing with anticipation, his usual calm and collected persona giving way to a wide, ear-to-ear grin.
It was as if the pressure of racing and all the responsibilities had just melted away, and he was ready to dive straight into a new kind of excitement, one that involved a lot more time at home with you.
You were sitting on the couch, relaxing after your own busy day, scrolling through your phone, when you heard the familiar sound of
Lando’s boots hitting the floor. He was almost running, and his footsteps were light and fast, as if he couldn’t wait to see you.
“Babe!” he shouted, throwing his bag down with abandon, his voice practically singing with happiness.
Without a second thought, he rushed over to where you were sitting, scooping you up into his arms like you weighed nothing at all. He spun you around once, a burst of laughter escaping his lips.
“I’m home, I’m home, I’m home!” he repeated, his grin so wide it almost seemed to stretch across his face.
You couldn’t help but laugh as his excitement flooded the room, feeling the warmth of his embrace. "Well, I can tell you’re happy about the season being over," you teased, giving him a playful look as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
“I’m more than happy,” he replied, his eyes sparkling with joy. “I’m ecstatic. Finally, a break. No planes, no races, no media, just me, you, and... well, you know, our little one,” he added, glancing down at your belly with a soft smile.
“Sounds perfect,” you said, feeling the love in his words. “I think we both deserve a break.”
Lando nodded enthusiastically. “I can’t wait to just be home with you. I’ve missed so much of this year, and now I get to make up for it. I’ve got so many plans. We can do all the things we’ve been talking about, prepare the nursery, take walks together, have breakfast in bed, watch terrible movies... you know, all the usual relaxing stuff.”
You raised an eyebrow, amused by his enthusiasm. “Breakfast in bed every day, huh? That’s a bold claim.”
“I’m up for the challenge,” he grinned, a playful glint in his eyes. “I’m making the most of this time. No more rushing around, no more stress. Just time with you, our little one, and whatever chaos we manage to create together.”
He flopped down onto the couch beside you, pulling you in closer. His hand found its way to your growing belly, and he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he gently placed his hand there. “I’m so ready for this next chapter, you know? I know the last few months have been crazy, but this... this is going to be perfect.”
—-
Lando stood in the middle of the nearly-finished nursery, hands on his hips, looking ridiculously proud of himself. The room was stunning.
Soft, neutral tones, sleek furniture that didn’t scream “baby” but still felt warm and inviting, and subtle touches of personality like a tiny McLaren-themed mobile hanging above the crib.
“You know,” he said, turning to you with a grin, “I think I’ve outdone myself. Custom everything. No IKEA in sight. You’re welcome.”
You raised an eyebrow from where you were sitting on the plush nursery chair he’d insisted be upholstered with "only the softest fabric money can buy."
“You do realize you’ve spent more on this room than most people spend on their entire house, right?”
He shot you a mock-offended look. “Excuse me for wanting the best for our baby. It’s called quality assurance.”
He scoffed, gesturing at the solid oak crib. “This bad boy? Handmade by some guy in Sweden who’s apparently a genius with wood. And the changing table? Designed by an actual ergonomist! No sore backs for us.”
You tried to keep a straight face but couldn’t help laughing. “Lando, it’s a baby. They’re not going to care if their crib is custom-made or from IKEA. They’ll drool on it all the same.”
He gasped dramatically, clutching his chest. “Excuse me! Our baby deserves the best! The absolute best. I’m not about to put our kid in some flimsy crib where one tantrum could bring it down.”
“Pretty sure you’re the only one throwing tantrums right now,” you teased.
He ignored you, walking over to the rocking chair and giving it an experimental sway. “This chair, by the way? Perfect for late-night story time. I tested at least twenty before I found the one.”
“You sat in twenty rocking chairs?”
“Of course,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “What if I’d chosen one that squeaked or wasn’t comfy enough for cuddles? I’m thinking ahead, love.”
“Thinking ahead is spending three months’ salary on a nursery?”
“Investment,” he corrected, plopping down beside you with a satisfied sigh.
“And it’s not just the furniture. Look at the details. That mobile? Custom order. The wallpaper? Hand-painted by some artist in Italy. Even the shelves are organized by height so the books will be easier to grab when the baby’s older. I’m not messing around.”
You shook your head, still smiling. “It’s beautiful, Lando. Really. You’ve done an amazing job.”
“Of course I have,” he said smugly, leaning back. But after a moment, his expression softened. “I just… I want everything to be perfect, you know? For them. For you. I want this room to feel safe and special and like… like a little haven.”
Your heart melted as you reached out to take his hand. “It already does, babe. It’s perfect because you made it with love.”
“Also with a ridiculous amount of money,” he added, flashing you a cheeky grin.
You laughed. “That, too.”
Lando leaned down to kiss your forehead, his voice full of affection. “Anything for you two. Now, all that’s left is to teach the baby to say ‘McLaren’ before anything else.”
You laughed, pulling back to give him a playful shove. “Don’t push your luck.”
“Fine,” he said with a wink. “Second word, then.”
—-
When the day finally came, Lando was fresh off a meeting with his team, when your water broke in the middle of your living room.
“Now?” he yelped, nearly dropping the cup of tea he’d just handed you. His wide, panicked eyes darted between you and the puddle forming at your feet. “It’s happening now?”
“Yes, Lando, now!” you snapped, clutching your belly as another contraction hit.
He spun in circles for a moment, muttering to himself, “Keys, keys, where did I- oh, my God, this is happening.”
“Lando!” you barked, cutting through his panic.
“Yes, yes! Okay! Keys! Bag! You!” He grabbed the hospital bag you’d packed weeks ago, slung it over one shoulder, then hesitated. “Wait, do you need me to carry you? Should I-”
“Just get me to the car!”
In record time, he managed to get you into the passenger seat, though not without fumbling with your seatbelt for what felt like an eternity.
“I race cars for a living,” he muttered to himself, hands trembling as he buckled you in. “Why is this harder than a pit stop?”
“Because a pit stop doesn’t scream at you every five minutes,” you shot back, gripping the door handle as another contraction rippled through your body.
---
At the hospital, Lando was a walking ball of nerves. He practically burst into the maternity ward, announcing to the nurses, “My wife’s having a baby! Right now! Like, right now!”
One of the nurses calmly guided you to a room, giving Lando a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “First-time dad?” she asked with a knowing smile.
“Is it that obvious?” he mumbled, following behind like a lost puppy.
Inside the delivery room, Lando couldn’t sit still. He paced back and forth, running his hands through his hair. “Are they supposed to take this long? Shouldn’t someone check on her again? Is she okay? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Lando,” you groaned through clenched teeth. “But if you don’t stop pacing, I might strangle you before this baby gets here.”
He froze mid-step, holding his hands up in surrender. “Right. No pacing. Got it. I’ll just... stand here.”
Once he could actually think past his panic, Lando immediately whipped out his phone, his fingers fumbling over the screen as he dialed his parents. The phone barely rang once before his mom answered.
“Lando? Everything okay?” her voice was calm but laced with concern, likely from the sheer urgency of his call.
“Mum! She’s in labor!” Lando practically shouted into the phone, his words tumbling out at record speed. “Like, actual labor. Right now. We’re at the hospital. It’s happening!”
“Oh, Lando, that’s wonderful!” his mom exclaimed, her tone immediately switching to excitement. “How is she? How are you?”
“She’s... well, she’s in labor!” Lando replied, running a hand through his already tousled curls. “I think she’s fine, but I don’t know! She might be mad at me for pacing too much. I stopped though. Well, sort of. Anyway, can you and Dad get here? Like, now?”
“We’re on our way, love,” she reassured him with a laugh.
By the time his parents arrived, just minutes later, Lando’s initial excitement had given way to full-blown panic. He was sitting in the corner of the room, staring at his hands, muttering under his breath.
“Do you think the baby will like me? What if they don’t like me? What if I’m a terrible dad? Oh my God, I forgot to pack snacks! What kind of dad forgets snacks?”
His parents stepped into the room, his mom taking one look at him and immediately placing a hand on his shoulder. “Lando, breathe,” she said gently, her eyes crinkling with amusement.
He jumped up at their arrival, waving his hands around. “I can’t breathe, Mum! Do you know how much responsibility this is? I’m going to be someone’s dad! What if I drop the baby? What if I don’t hold them right? Or they cry every time they see me? I-”
His dad cut him off with a firm but comforting hand on his back. “You’re going to be fine, son. You’ve got this.”
Lando looked over at you, lying on the hospital bed, still managing to roll your eyes at his dramatics despite the situation. “Does she think I’ve got this?” he asked, gesturing to you.
You groaned, partly from the contraction and partly from his antics. “Lando, if you don’t stop spiraling, I’ll personally make sure you get kicked out of this delivery room.”
His mom laughed, stepping closer to you. “She’s got it under control, doesn’t she?”
“She always does,” Lando muttered, his wide eyes darting between you and the monitors. “But what if I’m not ready, Mum?” he whispered, leaning closer to his mother as if it were a secret.
His mom reached up, brushing a curl from his forehead. “You’ll be ready when you see your baby for the first time, Lando. Trust me. You’ve already proven you’ll do whatever it takes to be a great dad. Now stop worrying and be there for your wife.”
Lando nodded, taking a deep breath and straightening up. Then he turned to you with newfound determination. “Okay. What do you need, love? Water? Ice chips? A—”
“A calm husband,” you interrupted, narrowing your eyes at him.
“Right,” he said, nodding rapidly. “Calm husband. Got it.”
And for the next two minutes, he actually managed to stay calm. Until the nurse walked in and said, “Alright, it’s time to push.”
Then all bets were off.
---
When your son (your son!) finally arrived after hours of labor, the world seemed to pause. Lando stood frozen as one of the nurses handed him the tiny, swaddled baby. His hands shook as he cradled Leo against his chest, staring down at him in awe.
His aquamarine eyes were wide as he stared down at the newborn. “Wow,” he whispered, his voice shaky. “He’s... so small. Like, really small. Are we sure he’s okay?”
“Lando, he’s a baby,” you said, exasperated but smiling, the exhaustion hitting you in waves. “They’re supposed to be small.”
“Yeah, but this small?” he asked, carefully holding Leo as if he were made of glass. He glanced at the nurse for reassurance. “Is this normal? What if I break him?”
The nurse chuckled. “You won’t, Mr. Norris. Just make sure to support his head, and you’ll be fine.”
“Support his head,” Lando repeated, adjusting his grip like he was handling the most fragile trophy in the world. Then he looked down at your son again, a mixture of awe and terror on his face. “Hey, little guy,” he murmured. “It’s, uh... it’s me. Your dad. I’m new at this, so, uh, go easy on me, yeah?”
You laughed softly, despite the ache in your body. “He’s not going to grade you, Lando.”
“Good, because I’m already giving myself a D+,” he muttered, carefully sitting beside you on the hospital bed.
Lando looked up at you, his eyes glassy. “You did so good,” he said softly. “So, so good. Thank you for... for him.”
As the tiny bundle in his arm let out a tiny whimper, Lando instinctively rocked him, whispering, “Shh, mate, it’s okay. Daddy’s got you.”
“You’re a natural,” the nurse commented, smiling as she adjusted your blankets.
“Really?” Lando glanced up, his grin sheepish but full of pride. “Because I feel like I’m one wrong move away from dropping him.”
“You won’t,” you reassured him, reaching out to touch his arm. “You’re already amazing.”
He smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. “You’re the amazing one. I mean, you just made a person. How insane is that?”
As he sat beside you, still holding him as if he were the most precious thing in the world.
You rested your head against his shoulder, watching as he studied every tiny feature of Leo’s face. “He’s got my eyes,” he murmured, awed.
“And your gap-toothed smile too, probably,” you teased.
He chuckled, brushing a fingertip gently over Leo’s tiny hand. “That’s not a bad thing. He’ll be unstoppable. Just wait until he sees his first go-kart.”
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smokingsoothesthesoul · 2 months ago
Text
# DREW STARKEY — LIVE TALK SHOW
ִֶཐི༏ཋྀ ────୨ৎ──── drew’s first time on a talk show, which just so happens to be jimmy fallon’s and he’s known for scheming. he surprises drew starkey with his celebrity crush. which just so happens to be you.
ִֶཐི༏ཋྀ — pairing: actress!reader x drew starkey !
author’s note: please show some love, also this is my first time posting on here, and i don't know how good my one-shots are. enjoy!
word count : 1.8k
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you were known for being one of the most famous actresses sought after. they’d been right for it, your acting was phenomenal. as much fame as you had, you never really let it get to your head, knowing where you had come from was the most important thing to you. 
not only that but you were also known for the activist and humanitarian organizations you’d created or supported alongside other celebrities, like angelina jolie, phoebe tonkin, daniel craig, etc.
so when daniel craig’s managers reached out to you it wasn’t a big surprise, apparently they had been reached out to by a talk show if they could invite you along as well. knowing daniel was more than glad to pass the invitation along, you accepted. 
you wondered why they’d want you there seeing as queer had just premiered, and that had nothing to do with you
drew had been nervous, he’d be on a talk show, but nonetheless he was a wreck. it took him forever to decide what he’d be wearing, ultimately deciding on a charcoal grey, and white tux with a black tie. he hoped his outfit would be fine for the show.
as he waited backstage for his introduction he paced around nervous, spinning his gold ring on his finger, an anxious tic he had. 
before he knew it, he heard jimmy fallon, “ladies and gentleman, let’s welcome the man everyone's been talking about, he’s rising to fame, the one and only drew starkey!” he announced as drew walked out and shook hands with the bodyguard on his way to the main set. 
hearing the loud cheers and roars of everyone was amazing and he couldn't help but be shook to his core, never in a hundred years would he have expected this. 
he waved to everyone as he made his way over to jimmy and shook his hand, before he proceeded to sit down in one of the couches.
“so drew we’re glad you accepted our invitation, isn’t that right?” jimmy asked the audience, before they all roared in agreement.
“i’m honored, thank you for inviting me.” drew replied confidently, knowing he was nervous inside.
“so we know you’ve been chasing gold for about four years, and now you’re in a queer relationship with daniel craig, james bond, which has premiered if i’m correct?” jimmy asked, knowing the answer but trying to build up the conversation.
“yes, out in theatres about a week ago.” drew replied. 
“how did that transition work, you know, from filming a show where you don’t really have a romantic relationship until recently to a full blown queer relationship?” jimmy asked curiously.
“honestly, a bit overwhelming and a lot of anxiety from my part. not more so because of the transition but just because i knew i had to ace this role. getting the opportunity to work alongside daniel craig and for luca guadagnino was truly the opportunity of a lifetime. whatever time it was, i knew i had to give it my all. sometimes i doubted my performance but daniel helped me and gave me advice whenever i needed it,” drew replied, while he felt himself relaxing a bit as he got comfortable enough to share personal details.
“there was even a time where,” drew began before lightly biting his lip amused at the story daniel shared with him, before continuing, “daniel told me of an experience he had with another co-star. basically when you first film scenes and most of all when they’re scenes like we were filming, the first day on set really is just practice. not reading lines, but actually practicing how certain scenes will go. in our case mature scenes were what we focused on at the beginning seeing as we’d be testing out our chemistry.”
“anywho the point is that once we were literally in the middle of a bed scene, nothing too explicit, and daniel chuckled when i fucked up a line because instead of saying ‘we can’t be doing this’ i said ‘we shan’t be doing this.’ he literally rolled out of bed and said he had to take a breather, i was confused, i mean we fuck up lines sometimes but never enough to call break,” drew explained.
“yeah normally that doesn’t happen, i would’ve been nervous,” jimmy commented.
drew laughed and nodded his head, before continuing, “i was dying of anxiety in the inside, i was like did i fuck up this badly. and i guess daniel could see it written on my face, which is when he walked over and explained how in his last role the same thing had happened with his co-star. and i couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief and literally said, ‘thank fuck’ to which he laughed at as he walked away to get a water.”
jimmy let out a chuckle at the ending of his story, and said, “oh my god i would’ve died of laughter too.” 
drew nodded as he swiped his backhand on his nose, a reflex of his, before replying “yeah i definitely would’ve too but honestly i was too nervous at the time, now i think back on it and laugh about it.”
“actually there was something i was looking forward to, with you here, let’s show this clip,” jimmy said motioning towards the tv for the audience.
before they knew it, drew was being interviewed by a reporter who asked who his celebrity crush was, ‘y/n y/ln’ he answered without falter.
as the video ended drew couldn’t help but let out a chuckle and turned to jimmy while he began, “is that still true?” 
drew knew the answer to that, and nodded, “yeah it is,” he replied confidently.
“we have a surprise for you if you look at the monitor,” jimmy said before motioning towards the tv.
if the world could swallow drew up whole, he’d let it. at that moment. because then and there on the tv, where times he’d stated his celebrity crush was y/n to interviewers and it was playing in chronological order.
as the video ended jimmy looked at him and playfully asked, “anything to comment?” 
drew couldn’t help but cover his mouth with one hand before sliding it down to reply, “genuinely that’d be mine if i could somehow reach her.”
“well who knows maybe one day you will,” jimmy commented supportively.
“unless i get the courage to actually dm her, it’ll be a pending matter,” drew replied.
“why the need for a dm? i’m right here,” you said after making your way quietly behind him signaling the audience to not spoil it.
at that moment, drew froze up, and instantly rose up from his seat but slowly turned around, not knowing if it was real.
as he slowly turned, you waved at him and slightly giggled at his nervous reaction. you waited for him to say something before you said anything else.
as you stood there waiting, drew finally caught a grip and let his charm play out even if he was a train wreck inside. 
“i’m drew starkey,” he introduced, stammering quite a bit. 
“i know,” you replied smiling.
hearing that drew’s brows rose in confusion, he didn’t expect that. he was a nobody and you were everything.
“i was invited to your premiere but i ended up in the er or else i would’ve been there, apologies,” you said, genuinely honest.
drew was lost for words, yet jimmy asked him, “drew you still there or are you too starstruck?” 
“mhm,” drew nodded, not necessarily indicating which one but they could all guess.
he couldn’t get over the fact you’d just apologized for not attending his premiere, gosh he was literally about to faint before he talked to himself in his head ‘get your shit together before you scare her’ which he proceeded to do, and extended his hand for her to shake.
“none of that, my mama taught me better than that” you replied before walking closer to him and pulling him into a hug.
drew couldn’t believe this was happening but reacted fast enough to not make it seem awkward for the audience, at least that's what he hoped and reciprocated the hug. wrapping his hands around your body.
as they pulled apart, you walked up to jimmy and shook his hand seeing as there was a literal desk between you both and greeted him. 
“jimmy it’s been a while,” you commented.
“glad to have you back on here,” jimmy replied genuinely.
“now that we’re dealing with a starstruck man, we actually have a few live questions, if you don’t mind answering them?” jimmy asked.
“of course, ask away,” she replied amused, wanting to know what was being asked.
jimmy read from his phone, “how does it feel to be drew starkey’s celebrity crush?”
“well honestly, and i quote, from the man himself, ‘i’m honored,’” you replied knowing drew was known for his replies of being honored.
next to you drew couldn’t help but smile amused knowing he said that quite a lot, he hadn’t been lying he really was honored. but to hear that you were honored he thought of you a certain way, well that was the most fucking honored he’d be in his life. before, now, or after.
“what do you think of drew starkey and his roles?” jimmy asked, reading off the second question being asked by the audience.
“well honestly, i’m definitely an outer banks fan. i’m glad he’s finally getting the recognition he deserved, i’ve been there since season one, people now are barely catching on,” you started.
as you replied, drew couldn’t help but feel touched at what you were saying. he really had just risen to fame this past year, with the new season of outer banks even though he’d been there since day one of the show.
“i’ll admit this new season and the past one that came out, i couldn’t help but feel a tad bit jealous that our local psycho was tied up and locked in with someone,” you admitted lightly, chuckling amused.
“for me this is a situation where i love the actor but hate the character unfortunately, because rafe deserved better, in this season four that came out. sofia betrayed him and genuinely frustrated me,” you explained.
drew couldn’t help but feel touched at how you were talking about his character, because it was something he’d poured his heart into. 
“one last question for both of you before we go,” jimmy asked before a drum roll sound came on to build anticipation.
“have we created a successful cupid match?” jimmy asked, to which the audience cheered, curious as well.
at that moment both drew and you gazed into each other's eyes, “only time will tell,” you answered truthfully, ‘but maybe we’ll get there’ you tried to communicate that through your gaze with drew. 
the cameras cut and now there was a rising to fame actor, holding out his hand for a famous actress to take. 
and that she did.
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criminalamnesia · 11 months ago
Note
Hiii!! I hope you're doing well :))
I just loveee the traitor series. Do you plan on making a part 5 or more?
thank you! here’s part five :)
the other parts can be found in my COD masterlist, which is here
ALL PARTS CAN BE FOUND HERE
I’ll proofread later :))
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you stormed out of the gym, eyesight blurry from hot tears. you weren’t crying because you were sad— no. you were furious. furious at how simon was so fucking stubborn. at how he thought he was in the right.
droplets of blood marked your footsteps as you made your way back to the infirmary. you weren’t particularly anxious to be yelled at by the doctor, but getting it over with as soon as possible was ideal.
“bonnie, y’alrigh’?”
soap. you hadn’t even seen him, so lost in your thoughts. you blinked away tears and ignored the scot, continuing to make your way down the hall in silence.
the sound of hurried footsteps was unmistakable behind you. soap wasn’t taking silence for an answer, apparently.
“bonnie, please—” he began, the drawl of his voice catapulting your mind to the past. to better days.
days when soap had patched you up after a fight, his fingers nimble as he stitched up a cut in your thigh.
“s’it hurt?” he spoke, voice gravelly because of his hushed tone.
you shook your head. your head was tilted back, eyes staring up at the ceiling but not truly seeing. you were worried sick— you and soap were the only ones who’d made it to the safe house so far. the others should’ve beaten you there, and now they were over an hour late.
“bonnie, ‘m sure they’re alrigh’,” he told you, poking the needle through skin. you barely felt it, too hyped up on fear and adrenaline.
“they should’ve beaten us here, y’know that—” you began, but he tutted, quickly cutting you off.
“cannae think like tha’, bonnie. they’ll be here any second, aye?”
he stops his stitching, his face tilting up and away from your leg. you faintly register the feeling of his eyes on you.
you felt lost— floating in sea of numbness. your mind is mulling over the millions of possibilities— possibilities in which they never return.
you’d never felt this way before, and the five of you had endured far worse.
the only thing that was different this time was the fact that you and simon were together. you’d never explicitly told the rest of the task force, but they knew.
johnny knew why you were so worked up. he understood.
he reaches a hand up, his dirtied fingers lightly tilting your chin down so you’re face to face.
“y’there?” he asks, his hand dropping from your chin. he moves to squeeze one of your hands, pulling you back down to the ground.
you give a small nod, fingers moving to intertwine with his. he smiles— not his usual playful expression, but a true, grateful, relieved smile.
“im here,” you tell him. he releases your hand, pulling away from your skin, giving your hand a light pat before fully retreating.
“‘m almost finished, yeah? then I’ll go lookin’—”
“no need.”
it’s kyle, breathing heavily as he shuffles into the room. price and ghost are right on his heels, the three men making the room feel much smaller than it did a moment ago.
“you two good?” kyle asks, a small frown on his lips as he takes note of your bloodied leg.
you nod, your eyes flitting from gaz, to price, to simon— who is now moving towards you. he crouches down so he’s eye level with you. you meet his gaze, and although he doesn’t say it, you know what he’s thinking.
he’s relieved, and it’s a deeper relief than usual. it’s heavier, more profound, because he’s started to let you in. you’re more than teammates now, and it doesn’t truly hit ghost until this moment.
“im good,” you tell him quietly. he nods, glances down at where johnny is tying off your stitches.
johnny must notice ghost’s stare, because he breaks his focus and looks up at his lieutenant with a cheeky smirk.
“no worries, LT. made sure to do ma best work,” he grins and shoots the other man a wink, to which ghost grunts, unamused.
the heavy weight of a palm on your shoulder breaks you from the memory. you move without thinking, bloodied fist swinging as you whirl around to attack whoever laid a hand on you.
then you remember— soap.
johnny narrowly dodges your assault, his eyes widened as your fist barely clips him.
“steamin’ jesus!” he speaks, throwing his hands up in surrender and taking a step back from you.
“i was jus’ tryin’ to make sure ya were alrigh’! yer bleedin’, bonnie.”
you blink as you slowly escape your stupor. you’d completely lost yourself in the memory, and you didn’t know why.
probably because your brain was trying to comfort itself the only way it knew how— by seeking comfort from the people closest to you.
old habits, right?
old fucking habits.
“don’t touch me,” you seethe, eyes narrowing as you glare at the scot. he frowns, bites his lip, but doesn’t say anything.
like a kicked puppy. you can’t help but feel sympathetic before you wrestle that feeling back down. he wasn’t sympathetic for you— why should you be for him?
you look at him for a moment longer, taking in his appearance. he looks fine, and that angers you just the slightest bit more.
“look, i— i ken we really messed up, and sorry cannae fix tha’, but please, bonnie. a’least let us try—”
“I don’t owe you anything, mactavish.” you told him, gaze cold as you met his eyes. “and you’re right, sorry can’t fix it. nothing can fix it; so, stop trying.” you step forward, raising a hand as you point a finger into his chest.
“the four of you need to leave me the fuck alone. frankly, I couldn’t care less about how the four of you feel. about how he feels. you did what you did, believed what you believed, and now you have to live with that.”
johnny’s frown deepens as his eyes glance down at the finger you’ve got digging into his sternum.
“you deserve to feel like shit,” you tell him. “and anything you feel— how sorry you are— just know that I suffered a hundred times more in that chair, locked up in that room. so the next time you wanna watch me from outside the infirmary, or you wanna put your fucking hands on me,” your jaw is clenched, fire licking at your veins as you speak to him.
“remember what you did. remember that nothing can fix it. remember that you’re dead to me— all of you are— and that I never would’ve let that happen to any of you.”
“and I hope it hurts like hell, mactavish. I hope it eats you alive, and that you never find peace because you don’t deserve it.”
you drop your hand, your eyes still on his.
“and I hope you tell the rest of them I said that. especially him.”
you turn then, take a steadying breath, and keep walking.
soap watches you go without another word.
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“that was stupid,” the doctor chastises you, her lips pressed into a thin line as she examines your knuckles.
“you blatantly went against my one rule for you. I shouldn’t have even let you out of bed, but you’re too damn stubborn! so I thought I’d give you some grace, but there you go— leaving my iv pole in the hall. bloodying your knuckles. I should let one of the newbies patch you up,” she grumbles, her gloved hands cool against your skin.
over the time you’d spent in the infirmary, you and the doctor had formed an odd bond. it was almost as if you were friends, but she always kept things strictly professional.
but you’d catch her giving you sad glances sometimes. you knew she was upset for you, angry for you, but she would never speak on it. that was okay with you.
it was enough to know that someone was on your side.
“sorry, doc. it’s not like it was planned,” you tell her, and her eyes flick up to meet yours. the look on your face told her everything she needed to know.
she didn’t push the topic. instead, she finished patching you up in silence. wrapping your knuckles in bandages, she gave them one last once-over before sending you on your way.
“kicking me out?” you asked her, raising your eyebrows.
she nodded, her eyes scanning the chart in her hands.
“if you’re okay enough to throw a punch, i think you’re okay enough to return to your quarters. unless you want to stay,” she says, and its unspoken, but you know what she’s implying.
unless you want to stay behind that door, guarded from the 141. unless you don’t want to go back to your quarters and see it as you’d left it before they’d tied you up.
unless it would be too painful to leave.
you shook your head. “im good. thank you, doc. really.”
the doctor gave a small smile and nodded. “of course. you’re due back in a week for a check up, alright? I need to check on those bruises and mending bones.”
you nod and give her a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. “wouldn’t miss it.”
she bids you goodbye before turning and disappearing behind a white curtain. you inhale deeply before heading for the door.
when you step into the hallway, it’s quiet. you pass through base with relative ease, quickly slipping past anyone you come across in the halls.
you don’t see any of the 141, and you’re grateful. you couldn’t handle another interaction with them today— and you didn’t know how much longer you could remain civil.
once you reached your door, you pushed into the dusty darkness of the room. it’d been a while since you’d been in here, and although you were glad to finally be free of the smell and sounds of the infirmary, you weren’t particularly happy to be back in this room.
this room, which was down the hall from the rest of the 141.
this room, which held memorabilia of your time with your team.
this room, which you swore still smelled like simon.
you grit your teeth, willing yourself to stop thinking about him. he was fucking everywhere, and you were starting to believe you’d never be free of him and the 141.
your memories. your pain. your scars. no matter how much you healed and moved on from what happened, it would always be there in the back of your mind. it would sneak up on you when you least expected it; it would haunt your dreams at night.
it would leave you waking up screaming for mercy.
it would keep you untrusting for the years to come.
you flicked on the light and scanned the room. it had been upended, clothes strewn across the floor and picture frames shattered.
in the midst of it all, a vase of long dead flowers sits atop your desk.
there’s a little note hanging off the vase. against your better judgement, you reach for it. the paper feels scratchy against your fingers, and the scribbled pencil inside seems the tiniest bit faded.
your eyes scan the note.
‘You were right.
Hope you can understand.’
— sr
you pick up the vase and throw it against the wall. glass shatters. dead flowers fall to the floor.
your knees give out and you crumple to the floor, sitting amidst reminders of once was.
you let yourself cry for the first time in a while.
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shrimpybbq · 4 months ago
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rafe, his fiancée and their family in the 18 month gap between s3 and s4
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“What do you think about another baby?”
rafe is ecstatic about the prospect of another kid, and he shows it. he’s constantly spoiling his girl, always doting on her and helping her around the house. he makes sure to hire staff around tannyhill and ensure she doesn’t have to stress, making sure to spend time each night with his family despite the chaos of his day. rafe knows her first pregnancy wasn’t the best (bc of him) and he wants to give her a whole new experience
high school gf was worried about telling him she was pregnant again, knowing how badly it all went the first time. she knew rafe had grown to love his son and his family, but she was still apprehensive about his reaction, knowing he was in a stressful period of life rn. she didn’t have anything to worry about however, seeing straight away how different rafe was with her now. he loved being a father and was so keen to have another baby, especially now everything is his, and he can provide for his family the way he wants
baby no. 2 was a girl, just as rafe wanted. he already has little charlie, who is a carbon copy of himself, but he wants a little girl who looks just like her mother. rafe already loved to stare at his fiancée’s face, but imagining her looking after a mini version of herself - rafe thinks he might die.
as his fiancée and mother of his child, high school gf is living good. rafe is struggling with his father’s death, but mostly, they’re happy - really, really happy. charlie is starting to speak, and he is so excited to have a baby sister
oh you know the jokes are going around the OBX about how rafe just can’t keep it in his pants (but who could blame him when his girl is just so hot)
rafe doing the absolute most to have his fiancée relaxed and resting at all times - he loves to take her out on the boat and let her lay in the warm sun, especially because she gets so clingy when she’s sleepy and calm
rafe who begins to secretly hunt for a new house for the family to move into, wanting a new space just for themselves. tannyhill had too many bad vibes and rafe wants to start fresh
the family are often seen out and about the island with little charlie either toddling in front of his parents, or being swung in between their outstretched arms
charlie becoming known by those on the island as a cheeky little boy, always pulling faces and trying to play with everyone
rafe watching his girl get closer and closer to her due date and growing more and more anxious - he was so coked up the first time that he never really worried, but now he is always hovering and checking in on their baby
rafe is there for this delivery!! he's 100% holding his fiancée’s hand and brushing her sweaty hair out of her face, whispering "you can do this, baby, you've got this"
the nurses let him cut the cord once his daughter is born and he is definitely crying and trying to subtly wipe away his tears
the whole family spending the next few weeks hiding in their new house enjoying their first moments with their new little girl
rafe picks her name and decides to call her emmeline, emmy for short
if any family ever gave off rich vibes, it's the cameron's. rafe has his kids dressed to the nines, nice cars in the driveway of his new house and his fiancée wearing the nicest jewellery
all the women on kildare being so jealous once they see sexy muscular rafe cameron fussing over a tiny little baby, emmy clutched tightly in his arms as his fiancée holds charlie's hand
rafe would never admit it, but he loves the looks he gets when he walks around his little girl - he might be loyal but he still likes to be reminded he's hot sorry not sorry
wedding time!!!!
i think their wedding is actually very casual, maybe even a holiday elopement
rafe doesn't really like the people in the obx that much and so when his girl suggested getting married somewhere quiet, just the two of them, he was like "mmm, why not?"
the pair get married on a private beach in hawaii, rafe in a loose white shirt and a pair of linen trousers, his girl in a silky dress (this is so serious to me)
they hire a photographer and definitely put a big wedding pic on their hallway wall
everyone in the obx knew it was coming (bc they were engaged) but people are still a little shocked that the high school couple actually got married?
i see them settling into a nice routine once back, really just wifey looking after their little family, rafe running cameron development and the family spending all their time together happily
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idk i'm just very passionate about the concept of rafe being loved and giving love in return bc it's clear he's capable of it, he just needs to feel safe and nurtured
click here for pre-season 1 rafe, gf & their unborn son
click here for season 1 rafe, gf & their son
click here for season 2 rafe, gf & their son
click here for season 3 rafe, gf & their son
click here for season 4 part 1 rafe, gf & their son
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