#that you confronted them about it so you just never confront anyone about anything at all and then you distance yourself from them
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Most of my autistic friends expect that their friendships will one day out of the blue blow up in their face as people vent built-up frustrations about behaviours that annoyed others that was never ever communicated to them, and/or because of whats called "the double empathy problem" which describes one of the main ways allistic-autistic communication goes sideways. Ive been in social groups - discord type groups - where the autistics get kicked out because we are speaking plainly and askingd questions, and the mods or admin or other authority figures interpret these questions as deliberate insubordination and challenges to their authority, get "tired and fed up" with "the disrespect" and start kicking people. I have seen this happen in disability groups.
And its not all black and white. Like sometimes I can pick up on social cues because I have deliberately learned them, or learned them the hard way. I can even sometimes say one thing and mean another, but I dont often. I might pick up on one cue and totally miss another. Sometimes I just dont know why someone is saying something, theyre obviously implying something but I dont know what. This can get tricky when someone wants to indicate something without being able to be quoted about it, and sometimes I need to ask them to clarify and if theyre still dodgy I have to guess and hope I got it right.
And sometimes we're aware of unspoken rules but we dont recognise their authority over us because theyre bad or nonsensical. We tend to stick to rules if we understand them and they make sense. When theyre crap rules, I dont care how much money someone makes I will treat them the same as everyone else. I dont care how many high status cars someone has, we are equals.
Im getting off track - my point is that basically every autistic I know has ongoing trauma of friendships and social groups suddenly turning on them for no discernable reason and no warning and absolutely no previous indication that anything was wrong - sometimes after being explicitly told everything was ok the day before. This happens to us all the time. Its so damaging and so hurtful.
Personally I dont second guess as a general rule. I someone has a problem with me I trust they will tell me about it and we can problem solve and introspect. If Im not told, no matter what vibes Im picking up bc I dont know if the vibes are real or my own anxieties, I will act like nothing is wrong. If someone wants to blow up at me that has reflects zero on me and entirely on their inability to speak up about whatever was bothering them. Thats not a me problem. I cannot do anything with zero information.
Lemme induct you in an autistic way of bring and introduce you to a script you can use. Something like "hi friend, can I talk to you for a second about the meeting yesterday? [If Y continue, if N ask when you can talk to them about it.*] So I dont know if you noticed, but you spent the whole time tapping your fingernails on the table, and honestly the noise was distracting and mightve been irritating for some people. I just thought you should know bevause I dont think anyone else was going to bring it up with you. Could you please find a quieter way to stim/do what you need to/move in the ways you need to to concentrate. Ok thank you, no ones super upset just mildly irritated I think. I just figured someone should actually tell you"
Or even "hi. You spent the whole meeting earlier tapping on the table and it was pretty loud. Could you please find a way to be quieter in meetings, its just a bit distracting for some people? Awesome thank you".
Just be polite and straightforward, say what you want and what the problem is. Assume competence, sometimes we make deliberate choices against the status quo for important reasons not cluelessness. And give time for them to figure out an alternative, be undsrstanding if they cant. Just use your words, communicate clearly. It might feel a little confrontational but believe me its not as bad as bring dropped as a friend or fired out of nowhere. That sucks**
*Dont just say "can we talk", give a reason, otherwise they will likely spend the time between notification and meeting inventing every worse case scenario they can possibly think of. A couple words of context goes a long way.
** I came across a youtuber who, idk for sure if theyre autistic but they talk with an extremely flat effect (meaning, little tonal variance between words, not much expression in the voice, every word comes out more or less the same, "robotic"), which is an autistic trait. They mentioned in a video that they had a 'normal' job before youtube, until one day they found themself fired, given reason was their flat effect scared people and made them seem unfriendly and unhappy to be there and interacting. Sounded like it was completely out of the blue. Thats a job lost due to ableism though possibly no one involved sees it that way. Some people cant change how they speak or dont want to. Shouldnt have to. But at least mention it, see if the person is willing to adjust, and consider if it truly disqualifies them from being able to perform the job or is it just a little unusual.
I saw some snippet of a callout post for an autistic trans woman where they list social faux pas she committed, and I think we allistic people should all feel 100x more ashamed of not telling people in the moment how we feel about what they're doing. I think its extremely evil and cruel to not only lie to an autistic person and blame them for it but also to feel justified shaming them for your behavior. And it's currently the social norm to do that
#thank you#ive struggled w this with other autistic people because i felt too rude to say sorry i cant actually deal with your infodumping right now#but i love you and ill listen another time#itz basically boundary setting skills#and healthy conflict skills#so so so important to effective communication#autism#double empathy problem#comment
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confronting- o.piastri
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pairing: oscar piastri x fem! Skyf1interviewer! reader
summary: a confrontation in a hotel room doesn't go so well thanks to Franco's loud mouth...
part one | part two | part three | part four | part five
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Entertaining the idea of dating Oscar when you knew youâd be gone at the end of the season wasnât fair. He deserved someone whoâd be there for every race, be there for him. You werenât that person. You werenât the person anyone should want, you just werenât like that.Â
Qatar rolled around and Oscar won the Sprint, and he was P3 in the race. You were meant to do the interviews. He knew that. Thatâs why he frowned when he was met with Jensonâs face at the end of the race.Â
âWhereâs Y/n?â he asked, not holding the microphone up to his mouth.Â
Jenson smirked. âMissing her?â
Oscar nodded.Â
âSheâs with Franco, he was pretty upset after the crash.â
âOh,â he nodded, and the interview began.Â
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Itâs not like you were trying to avoid him, it was just⌠easier that way. And Franco really was quite shaken after the crash, so that part wasnât a lie either. You just didnât want to deal with all of the shit the media and people online would give the two of you. You just wanted a nice, clean break from the world of F1, and the people online who shipped you and Oscar would never let that happen. It was upsetting, because he really was a good friend to you, and you thought you were a good friend to him. Maybe it couldâve been something else, if things were different. You sat with Franco, calming him down since he was pretty upset that his second last race of the season was fucked by a silly turn-one incident.Â
âWhatâs going on with you and that model?â you asked. He chuckled.Â
âOh my, you saw it too? Itâs so embarrassing,â he sighed. âEven my mother has been asking me about it.â
âWe donât have to talk about it if you donât want to,â you laughed at his reaction. âWe can talk about anything you want.â
âWhatâs going on with you and Oscar?â he smirked and your face fell slightly.Â
âNothing,â you shook your head. âWeâre friends.â
âFriends?â he pried. âYou two seem like more than âfriendsâ to me.â
You rolled your eyes. âWeâre not. Weâre just friends,â you assured him.Â
Franco sat up, leaning closer to you. He was so close his breath was on your cheek, his eyes staring longingly into yours. You knew what he was doing. âSo he wouldnât mind it if someone kissed you, no?â
You laughed, pushing him back down to his previous position of lying down. âStop being weird. Iâm sure he wouldnât mind. He shouldnât care anyway.â
âLetâs test that,â Franco challenged. âKiss me in front of him, and then weâll know. Iâll ask Lando to tell me about it, theyâre close, right?â
You sighed, something about it felt a little bit⌠manipulative. And itâs not like you were looking for Oscar to like you back, he didnât. Thatâs what heâd said the last time, it was only a joke, a prank, a mistake. Which was fine with you, of course. It made sense. You couldnât be there for him while you were supposed to be there for someone else. Someone else on his team.Â
Ok, so maybe the move to Indycar isnât just about Sky starting to cover it. Maybe, they need more European fans, and you have to go over there and sell it to them with a relationship with Pato OâWard. Maybe McLaren is paying you a lot of money to do that.Â
Just maybe though.Â
âI canât do that Franco,â you explained. âItâs not fair. And anyways, Iâm kind of⌠seeing someone.â
âIs it Oscar?!â he questioned. You shook your head. âLando? Lance? Zhou? Yuki? Who?â âHeâs not in F1!â you giggled, watching as Franco freaked out.Â
âWho is he?! You have to tell me right now!â he begged, taking your hands.Â
âHeâs in Indycar, thatâs all Iâll tell you,â you smirked and his jaw dropped.Â
âIs that why youâre leaving?!â he almost shouted.Â
âNo! Sky really is just branching out, but yes, it is nice that Iâll actually be able to watch his races,â you chuckled.Â
âIâll miss you,â he frowned.Â
âIâll miss you too,â you chuckled, pulling him in for a hug. âNow, I have to go do my post-race duties, so Iâll see you in Abu Dhabi, alright?â
He frowned even deeper. âAlright,â he mumbled. âI canât believe youâre leaving me!â
You left the Williams garage with a smile on your face, very much amused by your conversation with Franco.Â
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You pulled up to the media pen, really to meet with Jenson and Nico, your co-hosts this weekend, but they were nowhere to be seen. Regardless, you prepared yourself with the running order.Â
Lance, Lando, Max, Checo, Zhou, and Fernando. Thatâs all you had to get through before you got on a flight to Abu Dhabi the next morning. After another few minutes of waiting, Nico and Jenson showed up, acting slightly strange. They weren't really speaking to you, only with each other. Itâs not like they were excluding you, just⌠not asking for your input. They seemed guilty too.Â
Lance, Lando, Max, and Checo were all fine, polite and out of there quickly. Oscar didnât show up. Unsurprising, as you had been avoiding him. Zhou and Fernando went by in a flash, and you were back to your hotel by 2am.Â
When you walked into your hotel, you were not expecting to see Oscar Piastri standing outside your door.Â
Holy shit. You were so astronomically fucked.Â
âWhat are you doing here?â you questioned. He turned to you.Â
He cleared his throat. Heâd been thinking of a response to that question since the second heâd started waiting outside for you. What was he doing? This was insane. His plan was to make you stay, but he was much too upset to talk rationally when he got the text from Franco about you seeing an Indycar driver. Honestly, it crushed him. He genuinely thought youâd liked him. âI wanted to⌠talk? Or something, just to gauge what the fuck is going on here,â he was getting heated, and you understood he was probably angry with you, and itâs not like he didnât have a reason.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you asked, opening your hotel room door and letting him inside.Â
âYouâre going to Indycar?â he questioned. âWhat the fuck?â Â
You gulped, hard. âYeah?âÂ
âWhy?â he demanded. âWhat does Indycar have that F1 doesnât? F1 is faster cars, faster drivers, more money, more races, more countries, more-â
âOscar! Did it ever occur to you that this wasnât my fucking choice?!â you shouted over him. Silence. âIndycar doesnât have Sky coverage, but Europeans are interested in the sport and they need a known interviewer to go there and make it easier to sell it to people, and I got picked. Thatâs it.âÂ
âSo it has nothing to do with whatever Indycar driver youâre fucking?â he scoffed. Your face fell. Your eyes fell to the hardwood floor beneath your feet. âYeah, I know.â
Your face soured and you looked up again, offended. Who did he think he was? He had no say in your life at all. Youâd hated him for 2 years, and you had no real reason to, now you had one. âI owe you nothing Oscar. Iâm an adult in a consenting relationship, and yes heâs in Indycar, is that a crime?âÂ
âIs that why youâre going over there?â he asked, stepping closer to you. You could cut the atmosphere in the room with a knife. âOr are you running away from something here?âÂ
âFuck you,â you pushed him back. This wasn't the Oscar you knew. He was different, angry, mean, and rude. You owed him nothing. âGet out.âÂ
He nodded, and left without another word.Â
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Can I get a uhhhhh realizing my parents fighting when I was a kid affected me more than I thought smoothie
#when you're so scared of anger and yelling that you excessively avoid confrontation and conflict with other people#so you feel trapped and it ruins all of your relationships because everyone will eventually do or say something you don't like#and not talking about it won't fix the problem but you're too scared that it'll actually make the problem worse because they might get mad#that you confronted them about it so you just never confront anyone about anything at all and then you distance yourself from them#yeah! đ#bonus points when you did confront someone once and it actually DID make them angry and now it feels like your fear was valid#trauma#vent
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Partying on the could have beens and quietly sobbing into a red solo cup while staring into a corner waiting for the AUs to kick in...
Jasper: I am a TOOL-
Steven: Yeah you are : )
J: .. I am meant to be wielded in battle...
Connie just having to be like, Steven are you aware that ... ? Yeah, yeah I am. Ignore her, lets go on a walk show me your campus.
Yeah idk what Debbie and Aunt May would do but the vibes would be immaculate. dude. Peter getting hired as Mark's science tutor : ) Peter and Mark having one relationship, Invincible and Spidey having another, them slowly realizing who the other is (lbr Peter would figure it out idk if Mark would lol) Peter just hearing about Nolan but never meeting him bc he's always busy until one day Debbie invites him and Aunt May to dinner and Nolan is there and Peter is just internally screaming the whole time as his spidey senses go off. Debbie hearing that Peter is into photography and mentioning her husband got into it recently lol
Now I'm thinking about Art, JJ and Nolan on a fishing trip and it being just the most fucked up time ever for everyone xD Like not even supervillain attack type shit, just genuine mundane awful awkwardness and weird vibes off everyone. JJ instantly clocking Art is somehow involved w criminal elements/suspicious how a tailor in a strip mall is so financially secure... Nolan thinking everyone being hostile is Just Totally Normal behavior. Art being a bit of a shit to JJ, maybe he likes Spidey, appreciates someone who put so much detail and complexity into their costume, wishes he could chat w them etc..
The world conquering stops for one petty ass vendetta xD God what would the inciting incident between Omni-Man and Spider-man even be...
S1 had so many revisions and additions and changes and it made the narrative more solid but kept all the important beats!! they could have done that for S3!! stop just following the comic I effing beg show. What happened to your willingness to move things around??? Give plot points to other characters so they would have stuff to do ??
Bruh. Debbie confronting Powerplex and that being how she publicly reveals who her family is, YES then it being a very valid fucking concern for everybody because now The Public knows! (tho I will never not give the narrative shit for trying to say it is a ~dramatic thing she told Paul when only three ppl in the entire world apparently have civilian identities and literally anyone who actually wants to kill Mark already knows who he is and where he lives.. like.. there is 0 drama there bc it is so irrelevant. Mark didn't even think it was fucking weird that space aliens knew his name, but you're going to give your mom shit for saying something that you revealed on your own five seconds after the fact while walking through the door in your damn uniform? get your fucking priorities in order..)
And then it's not villains who come after them! It's heroes and wounded ppl like Powerplex who just want suffering when there is no justice! And then it's the villains who just want to appease Omni-Man who are keeping them safe. Eat your heart out on that moral clusterfuck Mark. Cecil losing his mind as this all out brawl erupts.
Oliver just being like, ah so there is no morality just who keeps whoever I care about safe! And Mark being like what?? no!! and Debbie being like, at the end of the day, yeah : /
I'm working it into something bc I realized another thing about Oliver's speech about his ~wonderful father that annoyed me- and it's that Nolan has never apologized. And I want so badly for someone to bring that point up, so it's getting integrated into a larger story. 'Cause yeah you can dream about a world of forgiveness kid, but that man has literally not done anything to combat the horrors. you cannot give him credit for something he has not done. still bitter he magically deleted two months of total city wide destruction and loss of life and devastation from his memory. Even if he waved it all away as the other viltrumites fault, fucking acknowledge that happening!!!
The Oliver thing is so weird bc I feel like the show is playing him as much more childish and human than they ever bothered w in the comic, while still trying to hold on to the very alien ideology he expressed in the comic (tho that fell so flat and was so flimsy for me I will never like the little shit heel lol) and its just like ?? I feel like the show is just trying to be 'look how cute he is! you shouldnt hate him cause hes cute!' and im just over here like you had a thousand ways to make him a layered character and ignored all of them. If you wont put the effort in I will continue to see 'plot device' in a trenchcoat insisting that its a fully fledged character please let them in to the deeper narrative and I'm just like, scram until you can justify your existence through character motivation.
I used to be totally fine with the Debbie dating narrative bc it kinda got to show her moving on (I do not believe Paul had nearly this much interaction w everyone in the comic, but Debbie is also barely in the comic so...) and I was worried if they didn't show her at least making the attempt they would fall into a 'she's just waiting for Nolan to return' narrative which also would have been awful. But now I'm just like why must I suffer this. what is happening. I think there is no way out and the writers would have done something stupid with her no matter what. Cause her just being happily single and doing other shit w her life would have been great! But seeing how couple obsessed the narrative is you know some motherfucker would have been like 'ah but isn't there a man shaped hole in your life?? clearly you are incomplete'. and that would piss me off more than her stupid relationship w Paul.
Let her be a bit of a dick to Oliver. let her get more aggressively competitive at work and piss off her coworkers. let her have fucked up villain friends. let her still struggle w drinking. I honestly wanted her to get in a drunk driving incident in S2 where someone died that way all the Graysons could have killed people under various circumstances lol Let her life be messy and motivated by her choices !! she can be an important voice of reason and pillar of morality and belief and still fuck up !! as bitter as I think she could get I do think she is an intensely change is possible oriented person (again I think she got into some stupid human level nonsense when she was younger and that motivates her belief in reform) I just want to see her living her life and not being an accessory to someone else's !!
While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom
OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what youâre talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolanâs? I suppose Iâm not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think thereâs something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecilâs number one internâonly internâcurtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT thereâs something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.
I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if theyâre more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Markâs life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Markâs already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so thereâs a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close theyâre supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he canât project onto Mark.
I love thinking about these, omg.
#invincible chatter#god we got like a tiny bit of expressed grief in the first half of s2#then it all just fell back into- everyone is an accessory to nolans problems#NO they should be making their own problems actually
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8, 6 & 22 ;*
common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about (8)
hmmm, AB as heartless and/or 'petty' (she could be petty, tbf), and/or her ruthless acts deriving from 'pettiness', specifically. if anything, too much heart, if such a thing were possible. she might well have threatened cromwell even before that sermon (as, according to chapuys, she did), but in all likelihood this was to prevent 'strong thieves of the realm' from being the primary beneficiaries/ enjoying the windfall of the reformation. most (not all) of her ruthlessness was tied up/from heart&soul, not 'pettiness'. even her least-sympathized, least-excusable ruthlessness, towards catherine and mary, can, as elizabeth norton argues, be attributed to/as an extenstion of/ the protection of her daughter.
also, the tudors (showtime) in general. people seem to have either had a collective eternal-sunshine moment or they watched some version of the show not available to the general public (coa never acknowledged henry's interest in anne? the more you know.)
and becoming elizabeth, lol, 'abuse of thomas seymour aside' when that was almost the entire show. you cannot 'set it aside'.
which ship fans are the most annoying? (6)
mary/chapuys. like the petyr/sansa of the tudor fandom, except at least petyr/sansa enjoyers acknowledge the ship is dark, rather than the achingly tooth-rotting fluff they put out.
also the historic aspect just seems very...wishful-thinking, i guess? chapuys as the white knight, protector, when all chapuys really was, in the end, was someone that gave her false hope and promises/ed (escape, reinstatement) what was ultimately not within his power, and/or diplomatic skill/pull, to grant. she does seem to have really relied on him 1533-36 but shortly thereafter she didn't speak with him much anymore, which is always a choice that is attributed to henry to infantilize her (she can never make an independent choice, it must always come from fear, this woman that was by all accounts, quite brave and didn't suffer fools) and conveniently, as always, villainize her father, to never acknowledge the possibility she might simply have just been disappointed/become disillusioned with/by chapuys; or it's attributed to the exeter conspiracy, ignoring that mary distancing herself from chapuys happened beforehand.
according to his own account, his last conversation with mary was brief, she said what she was expected to say, typical of the by-the-book political niceties (thanked charles v for his good wishes towards her, said she had no power to repay charles v for the sameâif not humble equivocation, this sounds more bitter and biting than affectionateâand would pray for her cousin's health and prosperity), and she excused herself early into their farewell by saying she didnt want to detain her fifth stepmother ("appeared unwilling to prolong the interview"). certainly nothing that suggets the wistfulness, nostalgia they feel was 'due', nor the fervent affection and gratitude they assume, nay, insist, was there, but denied, for mary as much in the 1540s as it was in the early to mid 1530s. all considered, mark this as a self-insert ship of sorts, an AU that is not acknowledged as AU.
your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores (22)
what is 'canon' in this context, lol.....
nothing is my 'favorite' but there are certainly commonly ignored home truths about this era:
either that there was never an english uprising against AB as consort (despite the constant dire predictions), but was for philip ii as consort, or that the house of commons took the oath of succession (1534) without dissent.
#anon#i do not find anything remotely sexy about the possibility of a middle-aged resident ambassador#creaming his pants over a teenage princess on the reg. like...#just. not for me#i don't care that much about dark ships in general so for me it's my bugbear#more for how narrowly it treats everything surrounding them#and dehumanizes anyone that did not kiss their rings#they're the shining lights in the dark; dark pits of english heresy#like if you REALLY vibe with that isn't that more like mary i/reginald pole?#pole/mary has what the mary/chapuys want. he even said a quote about her similar to that.#and then...yeah...#'never acknowledged his interest in anne' on the gifset feat the scene where she calls her a whore..........?#she confronts him about it multiple times. in the canon of the show. like?#and historically ik that does not gel with the image of coa as the endlessly eloquent never flustered and gracious silent sufferer. but#also ig i could have done any fandom. but. eh?#figured this was what was meant#in-theme
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a very select portion of personalities trigger my latent tsundere traits.
In reverse of the usual order, this feels all the worse if they are fictional.
#maybe because I am accustomed to acting against impulse with real people#so perhaps I channel away from my worst urges very rapidly with people- fast enough maybe that I rarely need to confront the impulse at all#but with fiction or any kind your reaction to them falls under your own scrutiny more maybe#hmmm you know what else I kind of wonder about too though is that maybe I get this feeling towards men I like more often than women.#I am attracted to more real women than fictional ones and way more fictional men than real ones#and I don't only have the TSundere Response for people I am attracted toâ I was kind of tsundere with my cat but she was worse#but I feel like out of the personalities that bring this out in me there is some trend towards male.#women I typically have this overwhelming sense of 'ANYONE would feel this way; looking at her. listening to her'#whereas if i like a guy it's usu. like 'damn I hope I'm not the only one'#so the numbers may be being impacted by multiple sources#there was a very beautiful young woman in my highschool English class that I completely avoided for this reason#you know what's funny I have a horrible softspot bitchy women I pretend not to have#i know too much and won't get involved on any level with a mean person ... but man do I feel so permissive with a beautiful bitch đđ#I feel so indulgent to my soul anout things women do sometimes that I would NEVER put up with from a man for a second#and I always suppress this tendency but it is so pervasive#so anyway I'm not tsundere towards women mostly I think it's cute when they are#but boy oh boy am I not in to tsundere behavior in a dude.#this is what 'if you think I'm holding a woman with big brown eyes accountable for Anything you've got another thing coming' means to me#these are only trends not absolutes. I would never hold Tantai Jin accountable for anything so đ it's not entirely a gendered thing for me#But the person I think of most is Regina in Once Upon A Time#I was enamored from the moment she walked in as the rigid; bitchy; single-mom 'madam mayor'#oh man but she made me feel crazy. unhinged#and so so willing to let her do anything#i didn't want her to do evil I wanted her redeemed. but I just Loved it when she was a bitch#đđŤŁ#regarding the tsundere thing; there is a range possible of how much someone brings this to the surface for me#sometimes it's just a little. I still resent it at nearly full price.
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not to be dramatic but. for the last couple of months I've been feeling like my body isn't truly mine
#wak#vent/#like#I'm not going to go as far as to say I have DID bc I'm p sure that's not what this is#or at least if I do have it I'm going to hear that from a professional first#but there's. so many conflicting thoughts#so many conflicting ways to carrying myself#and it's something a more complicated than A Normal Array Of Human Emotions#sometimes I'm a pacifist who wants to choose forgiveness#other times I have a thirst for violence and revenge and want everyone who wronged me to suffer dearly#sometimes I'm someone who values the lives of all humans and would never wish death or ill on anyone#other times I see certain people and think 'please do the world a favor and die' or 'you all need to be lined up and shot' or w/e#sometimes I'm an ignorant innocent child who wants to talk/blog about things I enjoy and who's terrified of discourse of any kind#other times I'm an outspoken political science major who obsesses over discourse who'll proudly drop controversial takes constantly#and w the above it's like.. whenever the latter posts anything#the former just sits there horrified of what people might say. of confrontation#the saying goes 'if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen'#but the issue is. one side of you loves being in the kitchen and insists on dragging you with them even though you hate being in there#like. if I were to ever get into hot water bc of my posts that I chose to put up and have a meltdown bc of it#it's going to be treated as cowardice and me dishing things out that I can't take. which maybe it is#but even while knowing this. I Just Can't Stop. I Keep Doing The Thing That May Attract Something I'm Terrified Of#often I wish that I could have maintained that Kind Innocent Side Of Me but Ik it's far too late to undo anything or go back to that#but basically.. it feels like I don't have complete control of my own body or complete free will#and like I'm at war with my own identity and my own brain#and. it's scary and confusing and idk what to do and I don't understand
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Tim and Danny: The Couple That Could Have Been
Tim Drake and Danny Fenton werenât just Gothamâs it coupleâthey were the couple.
Tim, the poised and brilliant CEO, and Danny, the charismatic streamer with a chaotic streak, were the kind of pair that inspired faith in love. Their relationship was public but never performative. The candid photos, the impromptu livestreams where Danny would drag Tim into the frame to tease him about his âridiculously expensive suits,â the way Tim would smile when he thought no one was lookingâit all seemed so real, so untouchable.
For years, they were inseparable, the picture of what love should look like. And Gotham believed in them. People joked that theyâd be together in every timeline, every universe, because how could they not be? They were made for each other.
So when Danny uploaded a new video one unassuming Tuesday, everyone thought they knew what was coming.
The engagement announcement.
Dannyâs setup was different this timeâgone were the familiar vibrant backgrounds and playful chaos. The walls were bare, his face somber, his voice quieter than anyone had ever heard.
âTim and IâŚâ He paused, swallowing hard. âWeâve decided to go our separate ways.â
What?
No, that couldnât be right.
This was Tim and Danny. The couple everyone was convinced would make it through anything. The couple people joked would find each other in every timeline, every universe, because it was always them.
But Danny kept talking, his voice trembling as he explainedâwithout really explainingâthat they couldnât make it work. No details, no messy drama, just a quiet goodbye that left everyone feeling like the air had been stolen from the room.
âââ
The Batfamily found out the same way everyone else didâthrough Dannyâs video. They hadnât even realized anything was wrong. The last time they saw Tim and Danny together, theyâd been the same as always: teasing, bantering, comfortable in each otherâs presence.
Bruce was the first to confront Tim about it, cornering him in the Manor with that familiar stern frown.
âTim, what happened?â
Tim didnât answer. He couldnât.
Because he didnât know either.
Danny had been the one to end it. One day they were fineâperfect, evenâand the next, he was breaking up with Tim over coffee, quiet and somber, like he was grieving something Tim couldnât see.
âI just⌠we canât,â Danny had said, his voice trembling. âIâm sorry, Tim. I love you. Iâll always love you. But we canât keep doing this.â
And that was it. No further explanation.
Now, Tim was left packing up his things from the apartment theyâd shared, trying to piece together what went wrong. Danny was on the other side of the room, just as quiet, boxing up his own belongings. They didnât speak. Couldnât.
The space between them had never felt so vast.
âI love you,â Danny had said, his voice breaking. âIâll always love you. But I canât⌠we canât keep doing this.â
And just like that, it was over.
And Danny? Danny knew exactly why.
âââ
Danny Fenton was a coward.
Heâd gone to Clockwork for help after the first heartbreak, unable to bear the thought of living in a world without Tim Drake. He couldnât undo the pain of losing Tim to the Justice Leagueâs doomed mission, but he could relive the good years.
Clockwork had hesitated.
âThis is dangerous, Daniel,â he warned, but Danny didnât care. He didnât want to forget Tim. He didnât want to move on.
So Clockwork granted him his wish.
Again and again, Danny went back. Every time their relationship reached the point of no returnâwhere Timâs inevitable death loomed on the horizonâDanny would break up with him, retreat to Clockwork, and start over. He couldnât bear to see Tim die, not again.
But the cycle wasnât perfect. The cracks showed with each repetition. Dannyâs breakups became harder to explain, his excuses more transparent. He could see the hurt in Timâs eyes, the way his walls went up higher and higher with every iteration.
And still, Danny went back.
Because he couldnât stop.
Because he couldnât let go.
âââ
This time, though, it was different.
This time, as he packed his things, Danny felt the weight of what heâd done pressing down on him like never before. Tim wasnât angry. He wasnât even questioning it anymore.
He just looked tired.
And Danny hated himself for being the reason why.
The world moved on, but Gotham felt the loss of Tim and Danny like a phantom limb.
The bats watched Tim retreat further into himself, his work becoming his sole focus, an impenetrable wall between him and everyone else. They wanted answers, but Tim wouldnât give them. And Danny? Danny disappeared from Gotham entirely, his absence leaving a wound that never seemed to heal. Maybe thatâs why Tim would find himself on that mission, before Danny's loop restarted everything againâcaught in the endless cycle of fate, unaware of how close he was to losing it all for good.
Clockwork didnât say anything when Danny returned again, his face pale and his hands shaking. He just stared at Danny with quiet pity, his form shifting through time as if he were trying to decide what version of himself could make Danny stop.
âYou canât keep doing this, Daniel,â Clockwork said softly.
Danny didnât answer.
Because he knew heâd be back.
Because he couldnât stop.
Because heâd rather relive the heartbreak a thousand times than face another world where Tim Drake was gone for good.
#tim drake#danny phantom#danny fenton#brain dead#dead tired#dc x dp#batfam#inevitable tragedy#unbreakable cycle#time loops#doomed love#time travel au#soulmates
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-> JEALOUSY
âsynopsis : genshin men when theyâre jealous.
âcharacters : diluc, kaeya, albedo, zhongli, childe, baizhu, xiao, thoma, ayato, heizou, wanderer, kazuha, tighnari, cyno, alhaitham, kaveh, neuvillette, lyney, dainsleif, dottore, pantalone, capitano, pierro.
âcw : gn!reader, not proofread, lowercase intended, probably ooc.
heâs a gentleman, he doesnât get jealous often because he knows for a fact that he has nothing to worry about. youâve never done anything that made him feel as if he had to watch out and heâs certain that you never will. although he can still get annoyed at the sight of another man flirting with you. it was his insisting even after you turned him down that angered him the most. nonetheless, he doesnât let such people interfere with his composure. heâll act mature and take you somewhere else once he sees that the man has no intentions of leaving you alone. as soon as you both get a moment alone together, however, he wonât hesitate to plant a few more kisses than usual. just in case, yâknow?
diluc, zhongli, alhaitham, neuvillette, dainsleif, capitano.
he wonât admit it, but he gets jealous often. he doesnât want to confront you about it because he believes itâs embarrassing and silly to feel that way. i mean, youâre his and heâs yours. you love him so much, thereâs no need to worry, right? yet, he still canât help but fume at the sight of strangers complimenting you. he canât blame them, but he still would rather for people to be blind if that meant that theyâd leave you alone. heâs aware of how unfair that would be, so he just stays quiet, either sulking or glaring at those people as you offer them a kind smile until youâre both alone where heâll be needing your utmost attention.
xiao, albedo, thoma, kazuha, kaveh, baizhu.
heâs jealous and heâll show it. hit on his partner? right in front of him? absolutely not. he might try to keep his calm at first, but as time passes and this scumbag is still around, he wonât hold back. not to worry, he wonât do anything extreme (unless heâs forced to do so), he just wants to make things clear to this guy. heâll keep it simple at first, simply making subtle comments until he actually starts going straight to the point. after a while, heâll take your arm and walk away with you, now being angrier than before. the way that guy was talking to him, but especially you, has him furious. be prepared to listen to his angry rant about that random dude. be also prepared to shut him up, you know how.
kaeya, childe, heizou, tighnari, cyno, wanderer, lyney.
this guy almost sees you as his property, his jealousy is unmatched. he wonât take anything lightly. if youâre trying to make advantages on his partner, then youâre asking for it. simple as that! he wonât let anyone think they might have a chance with you because youâre destined to be with him and only him. so obviously, he must make it clear to everybody to not even try. if someone is bold enough though, heâll just stand beside you, piercing through this manâs soul with his icy gaze. thankfully, nothing ever escalated from that. not that he wouldnât be capable of doing that, these poor souls simply knew better than to get against someone of that status and reputation.
ayato, dottore, pantalone, pierro.
âa/n : im not really proud of this, i might edit it once i have time. itâs 4am and i was supposed to be studying, but i ended up writing this instead. talk about procrastination đŞ let me know if i made any mistakes pls
want to read more? take a look at my masterlist!
Š2024 akimiiyo. do not repost, translate, plagiarise, or modify in any way, shape or form.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#albedo x reader#diluc x reader#zhongli x reader#childe x reader#baizhu x reader#xiao x reader#thoma x reader#heizou x reader#kaeya x reader#ayato x reader#wanderer x reader#tighnari x reader#cyno x reader#al haitham x reader#alhaitham x reader#kaveh x reader#neuvillette x reader#lyney x reader#dainsleif x reader#pierro x reader#capitano x reader#dottore x reader#pantalone x reader
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that's a warning
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summary: your professor's age is not a problem to you. and neither is his dark secret... pairing: professor!chan x uni student!reader genre: dark academia, vampire!au, smut warnings: professor/student dynamic, age gap (unspecified), mentions of toxic friend, descriptions of blood, kissing, biting, eating out, blowjob, daddy kink (who's surprised?), ddlg implied, size kink, unprotected sex, forbidden relationship, insecurities, danger kink author's note: this is based on a dream i had + inspired by railway, obviously. read at your own risk 𼾠too many references to the song's lyrics in bold, sawrryyy word count: 3k
The moment you set your eyes on Professor Bang, you know that you need to have him. You've never felt an attraction so intense, so overpowering, so sinister in its obsession. You are willing to go to any lengths to get close to him. Even if it kills you.
It starts off innocent, almost childlike. The way you stay after his lectures to ask him silly questions (you know the answers to) about the homework. Sometimes you ask him about the location of other lecture halls (even though you've been to them hundreds of times). Sometimes you go to his office hours just to be alone with him (even though you are perfectly confident in understanding the study material).
At first, Chan accepts your incessant flood of questions with an easy-going smile. If he's being honest with himself, he likes the attention. It's been a while since someone's been that interested in talking to him. Especially someone soâŚyoung. Most students usually avoid his intense stare. He's been told it's far too intimidating. He tries to be welcoming to everyone but he's not sure he's doing a good job.
But as the semester nears its end, his patience wears thin. You always get full marks on your assignments and quizzes so he doesn't understand why you are constantly asking for his "help". And he's certain you know your way around the university better than any other student. You're always on time and your homework is flawless 100% of the time. So, he really doesn't get it. Are you messing with him? Is it funny to you to joke around with a poor old lonely professor?
Chan's decided he's had enough. And this time, when you catch him alone after the lecture, he's going to confront you.
"Cut the act," Professor Bang scolds you directly. "I know you know the answer to that question. Why are you doing this to me?"
"Doing what, Professor Bang?" you ask innocently, while batting your eyelashes.
"Pretending you're dumb. It's obvious you're a top student, so why are you always asking me stuff?" he grunts and pins you down with his intense gaze you're so addicted to.
Hell, you've never felt more terrified. It excites you.
"Don't you know already?" you mumble quietly. You want to look away but you're trapped in his beautiful dark eyes. So you don't.
"Is it fun, messing with an old man like me, huh? Is it some stupid college dare?" Chan asks, his insecurities getting the worst of him.
"You're not old," you insist passionately. "There's no dare. I justâŚlike you."
"YouâŚlike me?" he repeats in disbelief.
You nod furiously, trying to convince him of your sincerity.
"ButâŚwhy?"
"What do you mean why? You're so smart and handsome and sometimes even cute. I likeâŚhow you explain stuff like you don't think anyone is dumb, you're so patient andâŚwarm."
Huh. Warm? It's been a while since someone's used that word to describe him, Chan thought.
"You do realize we could both get in trouble ifâŚ" he can't even believe he's even considering this. "If we were toâŚpursue something outside of the university walls?"
Fuck it, he said it.
"I know. I won't tell anyone, I promise," you are desperately grasping at straws as you find yourself so close to the one thing you've ever wanted more than anything.
Professor Bang shakes his head.
"I'm not asking you to keep it a complete secret. JustâŚif you choose to share it with people, be careful who you trust."
"I understand, Professor, I'll be careful," you promise.
"AndâŚcall me Chris or Chan or something," he shrugs. "When it's just us two."
God. It's really happening.
"Let me take you out to a restaurant," he offers suddenly. "Tomorrow evening?"
"That sounds amazing!" you grin excitedly.
Your first date with Chan arrives and you are so happy you feel like you could die. You don't wanna jinx things so soon and don't tell anyone where you're going.
"You look stunning," he compliments your dress as he pulls a chair out for you.
"Thank you so much, Chris," you smile and take a seat. "You look absolutely dashing, as always."
He chuckles but doesn't respond rightaway.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing, it's justâŚI don't hear that much. Especially not from beautiful young women such as yourself."
"You're surely joking?" you frown. "Anyone would kill to be in my shoes right now."
"You're too kind," Chan replies, not seeming to believe your words and you decide to drop the subject. For now. "What would you like to drink?"
"HmmâŚmaybe some red wine?"
"Good choice," he smirks. "And food?"
"I'm really into pasta these days!" you squeal with excitement.
Chris orders for the two of you, making your heart flutter for the hundredth time. He's justâŚso dependable.
Till the food arrives, you busy yourselves with getting to know each other better. Outside of the university walls, it turns out you are both passionate about things other than academic endeavours. And with each glass of red, it becomes easier to share stuff about yourself with him.
As the evening nears its natural conclusion, Chan insists on paying the bill for the food and drinks.
"Now I feel bad," you pout adorably, clinging onto his arm for support, because all the wine made your legs slightly unstable. "Let's go for coffee!"
"I don'tâŚreally drink coffee," Chris confesses shyly.
"Tea, then! Please, I don't want to go home just yet. This night is so perfect, I don't want it to end."
"Okay, okay," he agrees easily.
You lead the way to one of your favourite cafĂŠs. This time, you excitedly pay for the warm beverages.
"It's snowing outside!" you marvel at the pretty snowflakes falling, illuminated by the street lights.
"Good thing we're all cozy and inside, then," Chan chuckles.
"YeahâŚ" you smile softly. "I really like you, Chan," you admit.
"I know, you said that a couple of times," he shakes his head, amused.
"Yes, butâŚyou didn't say anything. Do you like me, too?" you inquire self-consciously.
"I do like you. You're very clever and funny and obviously super pretty."
"Really?" you blink furiously to stop yourself from tearing up. You don't get to hear something like that by someone you admire so much. Someone who inspires you to be as diligent and hard-working as him. Scratch that. You don't get to hear words like that very often. It sometimes strikes you how badly you need to be acknowledged for your efforts.
"You must know that."
"No, actually, I don't," you smile sadly. "But it's really nice of you to say it. True or not."
Chan stretches his hand out across the table to hold yours.
"Hey. It's true, okay?"
"Guess I'll stick around to find out, yeah? And maybe I'll help you believe it, too," you suggest.
"Maybe. I'd really like that."
And stick around you do. The next semester, Chan is no longer your Professor, so you don't have to worry so much about getting in trouble with the university's authorities. Eventually, as things start becoming more serious, you decide to share the news about your boyfriend's identity with a few of your closest friends.
Luckily, most of them are super supportive and happy about your relationship. They tell you that you've looked happier recently and are pleased to finally know the reason. There is one friend, however, who is completely against.
"I don't approve. You can't date him," she outright says.
"Can't? Excuse me?" you become aggravated. You've had some fights in the past, situations when she's been jealous of you hanging out with other friends and has done some toxic stuff behind your back. So, her reaction doesn't come as a complete surprise. But still, it sucks that she hasn't outgrown this kind of pettiness.
"He's likeâŚtoo old for you. And the fact he was your Professor is justâŚgross."
"How can you say that? You've never even met him."
"Then, let me meet him."
"Why would you meet him if you've already made up your mind?"
"To make sure he's worthy of you, duh."
"That's my call to make. Not yours."
And with that, you leave. This is justâŚtoo much. Later, you talk to another friend about this situation to get a second opinion.
"Nah, fuck her. I mean, it's your relationship, she can't dictate how you feel or who you're seeing romantically."
"Right? That's exactly what I've been thinking."
"It sucks that she said those stuff but maybe you're better off," your other friend shrugs.
"YeahâŚFor the time being, I'll distance myself from her. If she starts acting like an adult, only then will I consider letting her back in."
"That's totally valid," your friend agrees. "Take your time and look after your mental health."
"Thank you so much. I knew you'd get it."
"Always!"
Soon after that, you hang out at Chan's place and you decide to talk talk to him about the falling-out with that toxic friend.
"Well, technically, I am too old for you."
"The fuck you are! Are you taking her side?" you cry out passionately.
"Hell, no! I'm just sayingâŚyou could find any college guy your age andâŚ"
"No, shut up, Chris!" you shake your head, refusing to entertain such an idea. "I don't want anyone but you!"
"But I'm dangerous for you," Chan sighs. But you can't believe that. He's been nothing but kind and accepting in the short time you've known each other.
"What do you mean?" you ask.
"You'd think I'm crazy if I told you," he grins somewhat devilishly. "It'd be better if I showed you instead. But then, I'd have to kill you."
"W-what?" you stammer, his behaviour totally unlike the gentle guy you're used to seeing.
Suddenly, Chris grabs your wrist and starts pulling you somewhere.
"W-where are we g-going?" you ask helplessly but he doesn't respond. He's too strong to fight him back so you just try to keep up with his speed and follow him down the stairs and into the basement. Where you'll find answers to questions you didn't even know you were supposed to be asking.
When he unlocks the door, you are greeted with red. A lot of it.
"What is all this?"
"Come on, sweetheart, I thought you were smarter than that," Chris chuckles.
"It'sâŚblood banks," you state the obvious, feeling dumber than ever.
"Wow, you don't say," Chris replies sarcastically.
"WhyâŚwhy do you have all this blood in your basement? Is it like aâŚkink thing?!" you gasp in shock.
"No, darling, it's not a kink thing," he laughs, the idea incredibly amusing. "Take a guess."
"Are you a serial killer?" you try to think of a logical explanation.
"You're too realistic," Chris sighs. "ThinkâŚsomething you never thought possible."
"You'reâŚa vampire!" you exclaim triumphantly.
"Bingo," he confirms unenthusiastically. "So, your friend was correct to worry. I am too old for you. And bad for you. I never should have let this go so far."
You shake your head.
"N-no, she's not right," you disagree. "I don't care."
"You don't care?" Chris tilts your chin up, facing you directly. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to restrain myself from sucking your blood dry?"
You gulp nervously but refuse to believe he'd actually do that. Especially considering he hasn't done so alreadyâŚ
"Why did you become a Professor surrounded by so many humans if self-control is so hard for you?" you push back cleverly.
"It's never been a problem for me to control my thirst. Until you."
"Then, why did you let me get so close?" you inquire.
"Because I was weakâŚAnd lonely. I shouldn't have let you in."
Your eyes tear up with emotion.
"Are you saying you'd be happier without me?"
"Happier?" Chris scoffs. "No, I wouldn't be happier. But you would be safer without me."
"Fuck that," you argue. "I am safe when it's just you and me. Knowing you're a vampire changes nothing about how I feel about you."
"Then, you're even more insane than I am," Chris sighs, unable to deny the growing tension between you two.
You kiss him roughly to prove him right, digging your fingers into his soft hair. He kisses you back just as hungrily, incapable of letting you go.
Yes, he may be dangerous for you. But so are you. Willingly pursuing him, not running away from him despite knowing the truth.
He grabs your hair and pulls back, exposing your neck.
"Last chance to get out of here. That's a warning," Chris whispers darkly.
"Is that a threat or a promise?" you grin, completely trusting him.
Even if he was your Professor, even if he is way older than you than you initially thought, even if he is a blood-sucking predator, there is no one else you'd trust so unconditionally, so irrevocably.
"What if I hurt you?" he asks, a hint of worry making his dark eyes glow with warmth.
"You couldn't," you insist and close your eyes, tilting your neck. "You can bite me, if you want."
"You're crazy," Chris repeats.
"I trust you," you speak your thoughts out loud.
And this is his breaking point. He attacks your neck with his sharp fangs, not wanting to hold back any longer. The bite stings but in such a sweet way you would be happy to go, if this was your fateâŚAs he drinks from you, you weakly wrap your hands around his neck for support, needing him to ground you. Just as badly as he needed one taste from your delicious blood. If your blood is what Chris needs for survival, then he will surely be your undoing.
Somehow, against all reason, Chan manages to detach his fangs from your neck.
"Fuck," he caresses your neck, smearing the blood all over your porcelain skin. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," you murmur dazedly. "I'm okay."
He holds you close, kissing your cheeks and trying to clean up the mess he made.
"Let's get out of here," Chan suggests and lifts you in his arms, carrying you back to the coziness of his place.
"I don't mind," you reassure him. "You being a vampire, that is. I love every part about you. I love...you."
"YouâŚlove me?" Chan gasps in surprise.
"I do, I love you," you say once again for good measure.
He doesn't say anything, just kisses you again in disbelief. You hug him tightly, finding so much comfort in his arms. Whatever you've heard about vampires doesn't apply to Chan. He's radiating so much warmth you feel you could burn.
"Hold on tight," he warns and you grip the headboard top rail for dear life, as Chan makes sure to show you blood is not the only thing he's interested in drinking.
As he laps up your juices greedily, you find yourself on the verge of losing your sanity. Your hands give out and you let go of the bed's railings and opt for burying your fingers into his curls once more for support.
"Chris, please, please," you cry out, not even sure what you're begging for. For him to stop? For sweet release? It doesn't matter, as long as he stays with you.
Soon enough, your prayers are answered and you start seeing stars floating in the middle of the room.
"Did I kill you already?" he laughs upon seeing your reaction.
"Try harder," you tease him, even though you are already so gone.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Chris shrugs.
He takes off his jeans and stuffs your mouth full with his giant cock. You try to babble something but it's no use and your helplessness only turns him on more. You hug the back of his knees and let him fuck your throat as he pleases, even though you don't have much of a choice in the matter. Your vision is cloudy with tears and you can't even ask for mercy as his cum starts flooding your mouth. If you thought him drinking your blood was overwhelming, this is on a whole 'nother level of dizzying.
Once he's done using and abusing your throat, he pulls his cock out, smirking at you from above.
"You okay, sweetheart? Still alive?"
"Y-yes, d-daddy," you manage to croak out weakly.
Chris shakes his head in amusement upon hearing the sudden title.
"Then, I guess Daddy's gonna have to give ya a rough ride so you'll forget your own name, huh? How does that sound?"
"More, please," you plead desperately and he makes good on his promise.
He enters you without another warning and you can't keep your screams inside.
"G-god, y-yes," you moan.
"God isn't in this room, darling," Chris cackles maniacally. "The devil, howeverâŚ"
You kiss him again because he's talking so much your brain can't keep up.
"S-so b-big," you cry.
"Yeah? Too big for my little girl?" he teases you.
"N-no. P-perfect. You're perfect," you insist stubbornly.
Chris fucks into you with supernatural stamina and you are grateful for that because even though you want to, you aren't able of keeping pace with him. Instead, you are happy to just hold onto him and focusing all your energy intoâŚwell, not passing out. You're so wet for him that his enormous size slides in and out easily, satisfying both of you with the intensity of the feeling. At last, you cum together, overwhelmed by the passion and affection you feel for each other.
He collapses on top of you, not wanting to pull out just yet. You welcome his weight like he's a giant blanket, comforting you.
"Don't wanna let go of you," Chan murmurs cutely.
You stroke his hair once more with a gentle touch. How is this man who has so many more years of experience still such a cute boy, desperate for tenderness?
"Then, don't. I'm all yours to keep," you chuckle weakly.
"That wouldn't be very productive to our academic future," Chan complains.
"It's okay. I feel like we've both earned a little break," you point out.
"From university? Sure. But when it comes to us twoâŚI need no break. No brakes."
"Nicely said," you giggle, ready for another round on this train that never sleeps.
The End
#bang chan x reader#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#stray kids smut#bang chan smut#chan x reader#chan smut#stray kids imagines#stray kids fanfic#skz scenarios#stray kids#chan#writing
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Unexpected Roommate
pairing: lando norris x pet owner!reader
summary: when moving in with his girlfriend, lando gets confronted with the new side of her pet
a/n: inspired by the guy walking his pet down the street I saw yesterdayâŚ
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yourusername: and itâs moving day! Itâs a big step for us but I canât wait to start living with you landonorris!
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user1: oh god the fomo I have
âłuser2: saaaaammmmmmeeee
oscarpiastri: the question is was lando being helpful today or just disruptive?
âłlandonorris: oi!!!
âłyourusername: Oscar!
âłoscarpiastri: itâs a valid question! I work with him â I know his habits
âłmaxverstappen1: same
âłalex_albon: same
âłgeorgerussell63: same
âłdanielricciardo: same
âłcarlossainz55: same
âłlandonorris: you frickin muppets!
âłyourusername:âŚ
âłyourusername: he was helpful moving me out but quite distracted when we got to our new place
âłlandonorris: oi!!!
âłyourusername: sorry baby but itâs true
user3: god the heart fingersâŚwhen will it be my turnâŚ
user4: we need a tour!
âłuser5: yaaassss! I need all the details for my fantasies where Iâm living her lifeâŚ
âłuser4: ok letâs not get too crazy here
alex_albon: let us know when youâre all moved in!
âłlandonorris: why?
âłmaxverstappen1: so we donât get roped into helping of course!
âłlandonorris: Iâm gonna block all of you
carlossainz55: did he let you get anything done once you got there?
âłlandonorris: yes!! And I helped!
âłyourusername: the bedroom and his game room are doneâŚ
âłoscarpiastri: yeah that sounds about right
âłlandonorris: stop slandering me!
âłuser6: little lando norris learned a new word!
âłyourusername:đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
âłlandonorris: babe! đ˘đ˘
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, oscarpiastri, and 397,455 others
tagged: landonorris
yourusername: didnât know I would gain a limpet when I movedâŚor that my dinners would now come with live entertainment đ¤Łđ¤Ł
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user7: Iâll take that issue off your hands
âłuser8: or me!
âłyourusername: sorry heâs mine only!
âłlandonorris: Iâm yours?
âłyourusername: Iâd fight all your fangirls for you
âłlandonorris: babe đđ
landonorris: babeâŚwhy you gotta do me dirty like that??
âłlandonorris: you said you wouldnât post these photos!!!
âłyourusername: I lied! Gotta show everyone your true character
âłlandonorris: babe!
âłyourusername: sorry not sorry đ forgive me?
âłlandonorris:đ˘đ˘đ˘
âłyourusername: đĽ°đĽ°đĽ°
âłlandonorris: ok but only cause youâre really hot
maxverstappen1: need a crowbar there?
âłalex_albon: or maybe another set of hands to push him away?
âłyourusername: is both an option? đ¤Ł
âłcharles_leclerc: might need some chains and a tow truckâŚ
âłmaxfewtrell: can you even breathe?
âłlandonorris: Iâm literally going to report all of you for bullying me
âłcharles_leclerc: youâd need to detach yourself from her first
âłalex_albon: are we supposed to be scared?
âłmaxverstappen1: so?
âłmaxfewtrell: in real life too?
âłyourusername: even me? đĽšđĽšđĽš
âłlandonorris: never you baby
yourbff: he is NOT invited to girls night
âłyourusername: of course not!
âłlandonorris: you said I could come!
âłyourusername: the council said no!
âłlandonorris: is the council yourbff?
âłyourbff: And coco!
âłlandonorris: coco would never! She loves me!
âłyourbff: still a no!
Private Messages
lnupdates
liked by user1, user2, and 790,469 others
tagged: landonorris, maxfewtrell
lnupdates: I donât even have words for how chaotic Landoâs last stream was⌠can anyone identify the voice in the background that was cursing them out?
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user9: it wasnât yourusername was it?
âłuser10: no she had photos posted of her and yourbff at a concert
âłuser9: then whoooo???
âłuser10: I think I heard them say coco??
user11: like Iâm concerned about who that was butâŚthat was freaking hilarious
âłuser12: I completely agree. Whoever they were, they were roasting max and lando
âłuser13: the absolute shock on landoâs face when the first motherfucker rang outâŚ
user14: taking notes đđđđ
âłuser15: what for???
âłuser14: Lindsey is going down next time
âłuser15: oh my god let it go
âłuser14: never
Private Messages
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yourusername
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liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, charles_leclerc, and 1,590,278 others
tagged: lnupdates, cocotheparrot
yourusername: the criminal from last nightâs streamingâŚsnafu. Meet Coco! Sheâs a mature African Grey Parrot I adopted from a friend who could no longer care for her.
She hasâŚstrong opinions and an even stronger way to express those opinions đ§Ą
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user16: oh my god Iâm in love
landonorris: you didnât tell me she talked!!!
âłyourusername: babe itâs well known that african greys are considered the smartest parrots
âłlandonorris: WELL KNOWN TO WHOOOO?!?
âłalex_albon: everyone
âłyourusername: everyone
âłlilymhe: everyone
âłcharles_leclerc: everyone
âłmaxfewtrell: everyone
âłmaxverstappen1: everyone
âłcarlossainz55: everyone
âłmclaren: everyone
lnupdates: oh my god!! I would never even guessed a parrot!!
user17: sheâs absolutely beautiful!
âłuser18: god Iâd love to get a parrot
âłyourusername: take care! Parrots are one of the hardest breeds to take care of and one of the longest living ones too â anywhere from 40-60 years
âłuser18: âŚok maybe not a parrot
âłlandonorris: 40 TO 60 YEARS???
âłcharles_leclerc: maybe youâll learn a new language listening to her!
âłlandonorris: 4 to 6 DECADES OF BEING SWORE AT?
âłalex_albon: awesome!
âłyourusername: she doesnât swear all the timeâŚ
âłlandonorris: đ¨đ¨đ¨
a/n2: so I saw someone walking their pet parrot down the street and it was so cool! I didnât get swore at (which would have made my day tbh) but this popped into my mind and I had to write it out. I donât know why but lando makes the most sense to have a pet parrot that swears
#f1 smau#f1#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 instagram au#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 instagram au#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fluff#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando x reader#lando norris#formula 1 smau#formula 1 social media au#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#f1 fic#smau#lando norris smau
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~ đđđ đđđđ đ đđđđđđ đđđđđđđ / đđđđđ
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synopsis ⏠the mha boys reactions when learning you have a secret admirer
pairing ⏠gender neutral!reader x mha
characters ⏠izuku, bakugou, shouto, kirishima, shinsou, sero
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+ MIDORIYA IZUKU will become a nervous little broccoli. He'll probably realize that you have a secret admirer way before you even notice; his detective skills are strong. He's not afraid to confront this person if they're making you uncomfortable because if it is a problem for you, it is also a problem for him as well. Terrified that you would actually leave him for this person and can't help but feel insecure. He'll compare all of his attributes with them and will probably easily feel inferior. Of course, you reassure him that you would never leave him and give him a huge confidence boost please reassure him. If you don't, imagine him being extremely anxious and shaky every time he sees that person around. Will politely tell that person to leave you alone if they are bothering you too much since he doesn't want to be rude.
+ TODOROKI SHOUTO pretends to be unbothered but is actually really bothered and insecure as well. He won't tell you too much about how he feels about it, he's mostly concerned whether you are uncomfortable with it. Like Izuku, he would find the identity of this person pretty quickly. Neglects his own personal thoughts on this person which probably causes him to spiral into a battle with his self-image and confidence. Although he's very pissed off about this, he silently tells this person that you're taken by being close to you all the time. Does a few death glares in their direction if he notices that person staring at you. He probably isn't too big on PDA and you quickly take notice of his changes. Unhappy and very sulky every time he sees this person around you. He'll eventually spill his feelings to you and apologize like he always does for keeping his emotions inside.
+ BAKUGOU KATSUKI would be the most bothered out of all of them. He probably isn't too obvious that you two are dating, people naturally put two and two together. When he finds out that you have a secret admirer, he's highkey offended. Wasn't it obvious that you two were dating? Well, no... Now, he goes out of his way to make sure everyone knows that you're in a relationship. Sticking to your hip, his arm around your shoulder, holding hands, eyeing up anyone that steps too close, and other things until people know. It would get annoying to others after some time, but he doesn't care. Somehow manages to track down your admirer and curses them out until they leave you alone. Destroys all the gifts and useless stuff that they've given you.
+ KIRISHIMA EIJIROU also acts unbothered but seriously hates it deep down. Instead of acting nonchalant, he would convince himself that it isn't a big deal and you won't leave him. Unfortunately, doing this is harder than he imagined. He also has an unwavering feeling that you would leave him for this person because he wasn't good enough or couldn't take care of you. Competes with this person for your affection and will do the most chivalrous manly acts to prove his love for you. Gets so uncomfortable when he sees the gifts or other presents this person gives. He probably won't go out of his way to confront them, but if he catches them leaving notes or gifts for you he'll just announce himself as your boyfriend and proceed to ask them to leave you alone.
+ SHINSOU HITOSHI observes and watches your interactions with this person very carefully. He's so wary that this person has other motives with you, more concerned about your wellbeing than anything else. He doesn't seem like the type that would be jealous but rather looks at things rationally. Randomly stumbles across them leaving love notes and gifts for you and gets so uncomfortable just from watching. He is not afraid to brainwash this person if they bother you too much; doesn't care if that sounds bad. If brainwashing doesn't work, he would just intimidate them into stopping. And if that doesn't work, he would bluntly tell them to leave you alone in the harshest way possible.
+ HANTA SERO is the king of being unbothered and actually IS unbothered. It's not that he doesn't care, but he trusts you enough to know that you won't leave him for someone else. He has no reason to be worried about this person unless he's given one. Communicates his feelings very well, doesn't hide anything. In fact, he's pretty blunt about how he feels about it even if it sounds harsh. He also doesn't actively try and figure out who you're admirer is because he could care less about that person. Only values your opinion and offers to help once he realizes it's going too far. Proudly displays himself as your partner until this person finally understands that you're taken and stops.
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#mha headcanons#mha fluff#mha x reader#mha x gender neutral reader#mha x y/n#midoriya izuku x reader#izuku fluff#izuku headcanons#izuku x reader#shoto x reader#shoto headcanons#shoto fluff#todoroki shoto x reader#bakugou fluff#bakugou headcanons#bakugou x reader#kirishima x reader#kirishima fluff#kirishima headcanons#shinsou fluff#shinsou headcanons#shinsou x reader#sero x reader#sero fluff#sero headcanons
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I KNEW YOU IN ANOTHER LIFEá°
dp&w!logan howlett x past wife!reader
cw: mostly angst, some fluff, sorta mean logan, cussing.
wc: 800+
a/n: this is inspired by a one-shot I read a while back but I cannot remember who wrote it. If anyone knows, please please please let me know in the comments so I can give them credit <3 update!!! this is it!!
・ â°༺â¤ď¸ŕźťÂ°â ・
The last person you thought you would find here in the void is Logan. There has never been a Wolverine in here. You almost didn't believe it when you found out; needing to see him for yourself. And here he was. Right in front of you, the Logan you grieved all those years ago. The one who stole your heart.
Your Logan.
"And who the fuck are you?" He barked, pushing you away from him.
Those words broke your heart the second they left his lips.
Wade smacks Logan, informing him of your past together. Logan looked like he didn't believe Wade at first. You were way too beautiful for any version of him, Logan thought. What would someone like you want with a man like him?
Tears well up in your eyes as you leave, not wanting it to sting anymore. Laura follows you, glaring at the man who looked like her father. Logan didn't seem to care about the new information, instead reaching for another one of Gambit's bottles.
"I'm sorry, mom," Laura whispers, wrapping her arms around you.
"It's okay, sweetie. I'm not sure what I expected to happen." You sniffle. "He just looks so much like him."
"I know."
Suddenly, Laura stood up and stomped out the door to confront the man who upset her mother. She found Logan sitting outside alone by the fire.
"Look kid, I'm not the man you and your mother think I am." Logan sighs, not even bothering to turn around to check if it's Laura.
"You made her cry," Laura hissed, ignoring his previous comment. Logan looked up at the young girl almost apologetically before shaking his head. "Her Logan would have never made her cry."
Logan felt a sharpness in his stomach at the news. Deep down, he wondered if you two were together at some point. He doubted it though because you looked out of his league. If a past version of him managed to marry you then maybe he did some good during his time.
"If you two haven't noticed, I'm the worst Logan apparently."
"You don't have to be."
á°
It's late when you finally stumble out of bed, not able to sleep. Hours of tossing and turning, trying to get Logan out of your mind. This felt like a cruel joke on your poor heart. You know it's unfair to have him pretend to be your Logan but you desperately wanted it to be him.
All of your memories together haunt your mind like a graveyard. Sweet Sundays spent wrapped in sheets. How he kissed your face every morning, had you wear his dog tags, and ride on the back of his motorcycle. You would give anything to get just one of those moments back.
"What are you doin' awake?"
The voice behind you caused you to jump slightly. A hand coming to rest on your back. You turn around, face-to-face with Logan.
"Can't sleep." You shrugged, opening the freezer to pull out a container of strawberry ice cream.
"That shit won't help you sleep." He grunts, sitting at the table. You ignore his grumpiness and continue scooping the ice cream into a bowl.
"Can we talk?" Logan didn't look you in the eyes as he spoke. Too ashamed of his actions earlier.
"I suppose so." You shrugged, pulling the spoon from between your lips.
"Were we really married?"
You answer by pulling the chain around your neck for him to see. A small diamond ring dangled next to the dog tags he gave you. The moment he saw it, he felt like the biggest asshole who ever lived.
"How many years?" The words stung in his throat.
"Five."
"What was our life like?"
"Perfect." You smile softly down at your bowl. "At least it was to me."
"You did a good job with raising her." He muttered, referring to Laura.
"You would have to."
He's silent for a second, trying to wrap his mind around the idea of being a husband and a father. He wished he knew what it was like to be cared for as much as you cared for your Logan.
"You know, you have the same look in your eyes," Your voice was so quiet, stepping closer to him until you were in front of him.
Logan could see the desperation on your face as you stared at his lips. It would be wrong for him to toy with your widowed heart, but he wanted to be the man you needed. The man you deserved.
"I'm not him, sweetheart," He said, attempting to stop you before you hurt yourself. "And I don't want you to get hurt-"
"Please," You beg, eyes filling up with tears. "I don't care who you are. I just don't want it to hurt anymore."
You were slowly killing him. How could he say no to you? Even if he was the worst Logan, he has a heart. Which is why he lets you close the gap between the two of you. His hands are tangled in your hair while one of yours rests on his jaw before climbing into his lap.
For the first time in years, your heart began beating again. You and Logan could play pretend for now. Neither of you cared what would happen tomorrow, right now was all that mattered.
#logan howlett imagine#hugh jackman wolverine#james logan howlett#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett smut#logan x reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine angst#logan howlett angst#logan howlett fluff#logan howlett oneshot#wolverine x you#wolverine smut#wolverine#wolverine fluff
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Jealousy is a Bitter Look â Overblots x gn! reader
summery: how the overblots react to being jealous (some are a bit more jealous than others, but they all have their moment).
tw: unhealthy attachments (Malleus, but he's working on it). ngl this shows a bit of their flaws so its not complete fluff and a bit of a character study.
a/n: so I can't make a fluffy/cute jealous fic cus I find jealousy an emotion to work on? Like its not terrible to be jealous, it happens to the best of us, I just don't wanna romanticize it? 'Cus if left unchecked it can lead to toxic relationships so that's why I wrote this in a more uplifting manner (?). Idk, I'm weird ik.
wc: 1.5k (~200 per character)
Master List
⼠Riddle Rosehearts
Riddle tried not to get jealous. He trusted you wholly. But sometimes his insecurities got the best of him. Cater was more affectionate, did you wish he were more affectionate like that? Trey was kind, did you wish he would give you more? Ace and Deuce were stupid, but it was undeniable how well you got along, did you wish he were more carefree? Those feelings would tug at his heart, but it was something he needed to work on himself, it wasnât your problem. Thatâs what he kept repeating in his mind as he watched you have fun with your friends. Lips downturned hidden behind a teacup, ocean grey eyes sharply watching the scene before him. He thought he was hiding it better, but it was clear to you with how he pouted. Excusing yourself from Ace and Deuce, you made your way to the ruby haired housewarden. Riddle greeted you, eyes softening and frown lifting slightly. You tell him that he couldâve just told you if he was jealous. Unlike some, he wonât deny it fully, instead explaining his reasoning. Work on it with him, reassure him that you like him for him. If you wanted someone else, you wouldnât be with him, and he takes that to heart.
⼠Leona Kingscholar
Jealousy is Leonaâs middle name. After everything heâs been through, constantly being in second place, never getting what he truly wantsâŚhe feels like having you will slip through his fingers as well. Being with you, creating all those happy memoriesâŚit scares him. That one day youâll find someone better and all heâll have left of you are memories. So yes, he does get jealous, quite easily, and he masks it with his ego. Heâs the best, donât look at anyone else, heâs a prince, why would you settle for less? Itâs quite clear that heâs jealous, his tail flicking, ears twitching, the sharp glare. When you confront him he wonât tell you the full truth, thatâs a step too far at the moment. Be gentle with him, if someone flirts with you, tell them you have a boyfriend. Leona gets this smug smile and a warmth in his chest. As much as he wonât hesitate to claim you if someone wonât stop their advances, he loves it when you claim him. After all, it shows how much you care for him, how much you want him, and even the big bad lion needs a bit of reassurance.
⼠Azul Ashengrotto
Heâs actually quite similar to Leona in this regard. Azul was bullied when he was younger, which led him to having an inferiority complex about almost everything. He is bad at hiding it as well, clearly needing to be reassured that he was doing well and he was a good partner. It was just hard for him to comprehend that someone as amazing as you was actually with someone like him. He loves you so intensely, he canât help but let his insecurities get the best of him sometimes. He thinks youâd hate his mer form or that someone that could offer you more will swoop you away from him. He wouldnât even blame you, heâd just be hurt he couldnât do more for you. (Heâs thinking all this even though he would and could offer you the world if you asked). When someone is trying to flirt with you outright heâs trying to mask his insecurity with his suaveness, asking if the person needs anything and if you're uncomfortable he leaves in a small threat about Floyd not being in a good mood (if youâre really uncomfortable he might use Jade as the threat instead). Azul checks in on you, but if you're smiling he might die a bit. Please just reassure him that you only have eyes for him.
⼠Jamil Viper
Unlike Leona and Azul, Jamil doesnât get that jealous or has an inferiority complex. No. Instead, he knows you wouldnât go behind his back, after all, you managed to become his partner and thatâs a feat in itself. He does get smug when you tell someone off, or politely inform them that you have a boyfriend. Jamil reveals in their look of defeat (he is a bit of a sadist in that regard). The time his jealousy truly shines is when Kalim is in the equation. He refuses to allow Kalim to take anything else from him, never mind you. The way Kalim easily makes you smile, steals your time with frivolous parties, puts his hands on youâŚyeah it's a feat that Jamil didnât snap. Jamil is very good at masking his feelings, but the facade unravels when you both are alone for once. Give him your attention, affection, love, reassure him through touch that you want him. If you poke and prod enough heâll admit heâs jealous, how it just reminds him that Kalim always takes and takes, afraid that youâll fall for the charm (that Jamil couldnât understand) of Kalim and fall into his arms instead. But when you soothe him, tell him that you see Kalim more of a brother if anythingâŚJamil will calm down and realize how foolish heâs being.
⼠Vil Schoenheit
Vil, jealous? Yeah no. Not normally at least. Have you seen him? Vil is one of the fairest of them all. If someone tried flirting with you heâd laugh in their face if that wasnât disgraceful. If anything, you were the lucky one in this relationshipâŚhe does cherish you though, and he loves you more than heâd like to admit. You may be a lucky potatoâŚbut he was one lucky man as well. He managed to snag your heart without the flashing lights and fame, you loved him for who he was and he was grateful. So when Vil watches Neige talk to you with no care in the world, hearts practically in the boyâs eyesâŚyeah it's the one scenario youâll witness a jealous Vil. Heâll perch himself by your side, arm slung around you as he greets you with a kiss to the cheek. A pleasant surprise as Vil isnât this affectionate in public usually. Neige doesnât seem to take the hint, so Vil ups the ante, talking about your last date and how heâs lucky you chose him. Itâs an obvious change (and everyone knows the vitriol Vil holds for Neige). You eat the attention up, but after you're alone in his room, give him a ton of kisses, teasing him about how sweet he was, he doesnât like to admit his jealousy, but he loves your affection.
⼠Idia Shroud
Iâm noticing a pattern. Most of these guys have an inferiority complex. Idiaâs is the most obvious. He barely believes you actually like him, so him being jealous is more common than not. Depending on how long youâve been together heâll react differently. If it's in the beginning, heâs blaming and degrading himself for not being good enough, that you deserve better and he locks himself in his room. He needs a lot of reassurance in this stage, lots of quality time. The longer you are together the more confident he gets. Someone tries to flirt with you; he's dissing them with his chronically online lingo. Doing that little giggle when you elbow him trying not to grin. Although those self-deprecating thoughts still swirl in his brain, heâs learned to trust and believe you, after all you decided to stay with him for how long? Not to mention that your reassurances made him feel better and trust you. Youâve seen his worst multiple times and youâre still by his side. Besides, if anyone dares insults Idia in their attempt to woo you you go crazy, insulting them which makes Idia want to melt, die, and kiss you all at once.
⼠Malleus Draconia
Malleus is a bit confusing. On one hand he 100% trusts you, on the other he can be a bit childish. You spend too much time without him or go out to something he wasnât invited to and youâll find him pouting upon your arrival. He doesnât mean to, heâs glad you have others to have fun with and he doesnât want to restrict you in any wayâŚbut he is a bit needy when it comes to your affection. He is so touch-starved and isolated that he canât help but cling to you, feeling a bitter pang when you have to go. If anyone dares to flirt with you it's when he isnât by your side and you're declining them instantly. If someone is actually insane and tries to flirt with you when Malleus is present either 1. Malleus watches on trying to hide his smugness as you decline or 2. Sebek is shouting insults at them before you even get the chance. All in all, Malleus isnât too jealous, and when he is he tries to work on his possessiveness. He wants a healthy relationship with you after all, and heâd do anything to make you happy, even if that means letting you go for a day to hang out with your other friends.
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twst wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#jamil viper x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia x reader#twisted wonderland#twst#twst wonderland#riddle rosehearts#leona kingscholar#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#vil schoenheit#idia shroud#malleus draconia#x reader#ficlet#imagine
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Which ones of these arbitrary trauma-induced rules do you follow?
No spending money, ever. what if you need it later and your life depends on it.
Assume that all strangers are 3 seconds close to becoming hostile. fawn to keep them friendly.
No delegating tasks. no telling other people to do things you could potentially do yourself. what if they mess up.
Assume that everyone will consider you a burden if you do 1 single mistake that inconveniences them. do all that is possible to not make that mistake.
Do not admit when things are going wrong. wait until theres no other option but to ask for help, and even then consider not doing that.
Always act like you're okay. not doing so might make you seem 'not normal' and 'accused of being crazy and unstable'.
Do anything for friends, even if it sounds weird, dodgy, illegal. you want to prove that you're fun and easy going and helpful and useful and extremely cool with anything.
Never let it show if you're suspicious of someone. never say out loud that you think their intentions are bad. that might set them off.
If hurt, hide and isolate. Do not let anyone see you hurt.
Do not ask help for problems you feel are your own responsibility to solve. Even if you don't see yourself solving them successfully. If you can't do it, assume nobody can help you.
Help others to try and build positive relationships. Don't accept help so you don't end up relying on them for anything.
Do not start things that involve help or participation from other people. People are not reliable.
Assume that institutions, government, police, social services, and any kind of groups of people are all considering you a nuisance, and would attack you on sight, in every single situation. Never rely on them or assume they would do anything else.
No arguing, confronting, or standing up for yourself unless the situation is absolutely unsurvivable otherwise. Lay low until doing otherwise is seriously damaging your mental health and ability to live.
Give up on hopeful social encounters before they disappoint you. If you have to interact with people, assume the worst is about to happen.
No allowing yourself to idealize, or dream of positive future with people. It's a trap and your expectations need to be either extremely realistic or low.
Assume that fancy and expensive things don't exist for you. Despise them and get away from them.
No comparing yourself and your life to how other people live. It causes depression and despair. Other people's lives and standards of living are none of your business.
Do not showcase any skill or brag about any achievement. Jealous people can destroy you for satisfaction.
Assume people think the worst of you and don't consider changing their mind. Just try to keep out of their way.
Do not display anger. You don't want to be called insane or get arrested. You don't know what people could potentially blame you for if you're openly angry. But other angry people are dangerous and you need to get away from them.
If you follow more than half of these, you have a trauma-induced problem. These are not normal or healthy. These are not developed in a healthy environment. These are extremely self-protective, isolating, ruled by terror of the world and the people living in it. If you follow these, something bad has been done to you.
#trauma rules#living in trauma#consequences of trauma#social anxiety#aftermath of abuse#aftermath of trauma#trauma induced rules#long term abuse#consequences of abuse#extreme self-reliance
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âCRUSHâ â MATTHEW STURNIOLO
pairing. drummer!matthew sturniolo x reader genre. band au, smut, fluff
word count. 10.1k
âlet me take you backstage. just you and me, yeah?â
content warnings. explicit content, alcohol usage, mentions of weed, unprotected sex, backstage sex, fingering, oral (female receiving), dirty talk, praising, creampie,
authors note. fake bands are mentioned in this. if there is a band with the same name out there, im sorry lol
Despite his love for blending in with the crowd and remaining mysterious and unseen, Matt is anything but unnoticeable. The singular stripe of red dye in his black hair, the black eyeliner that smudges at the corners of his eyes, the tattoos that decorate his arms, and the oversized graphic clothing that drowns his frame⌠he stands out.
Mattâadmittedlyâsticks out like a sore thumb.
It isnât exactly his fault. (It is, but he wonât admit it).
Matt loves tattooing his skin with crazy and memorable designs, wearing clothes far larger than his usual size, and stomping around in heavy boots. Matt also loves filling his waterline with black eyeliner and accessorising with silver jewellery.Â
Painting his nails is another favourite of his too, though he usually goes for a chipped, all-black look.
It also doesnât help that Matt is in a band alongside his brothers and childhood best friend. While the band isnât huge, they perform almost every weekend at a popular bar in their hometown, attracting a crowd over 100 people that try their best to cram themselves in just to see them whenever they manage to book a gig.
So, maybe it is his fault.
But he never expected the level of attention it would bring himâeyes ogling from every direction, hushed whispers whenever he enters a room, and a constant stream of compliments filling his DMs on social media as well as being said directly to his face.
Matt secretly loves the attention, but he has never been the one to make a move when girls throw themselves at him, hinting for a quick hook-up or even a relationship. He just wasn't interested enoughâno one has ever truly captured his attention.
That is until he saw you at one of the bandâs gigs.
You were sitting in a booth with a friend, sipping a Coke through a straw and taking in your seemingly unfamiliar surroundings. Matt was instantly captivated by your presence, wanting nothing more than to gather the courage to walk over and strike a conversationâto learn more about you.Â
âStarinâ makes you look creepy.â
Mattâs bandmate and childhood best friend, Nate, remarks, hardly even glancing Mattâs way. His attention is instead confused on his own reflection in the mirror backdrop behind the bar, standing on his tiptoes to see better over the rows of liquor bottles, trying to restyle his newly dyed hair, the sweat on his forehead causing his bangs to stick.
Nate continues, âGo talk to her. Work that so-called âMatt Magicâ I hear Chris yappinâ about.â
âTrust me, itâs real.â Chris declares, suddenly appearing and throwing himself down into the seat beside Matt.
He slams a tray of multicoloured shots onto the bar counter, spilling half the contents and leaving the bartender cursing under his breath as he wipes up the mess, glaring at Chris who just grins cheekily, avoiding confrontation.
âIâve seen it with my own eyes, alright?â Chris continues. âIt works like magicâmakes the ladies drop to their knees in an instant.â
Nateâs brow raises in amusement, âIn the many years Iâve known Matt, Iâve never seen him hook-up or flirt with anyoneâŚâ Nate pauses, a teasing grin sliding onto his lips. âGot some problems goinâ on down there or what?â
âShut the fuck up.â Matt grumbles, swatting away Nateâs hand as he tries to reach out and pat his cheek.Â
Nate cackles, shaking his head as he grabs one of the shots that Chris eagerly hands out to the group. He then calls out to Nick, who emerges from backstage, adjusting the leather jacket on his shoulders as he settles down beside Chris.
Chris hums as he tugs the collar of Nickâs shirt down, âNice marks, kid. Who was it this time?â
âNone of your fucking business.â Nick answers with a hiss, running his fingers through his blonde hair.
âYouâre always in mine,â Chris shoots back, causing Nick to gape at him. âDonât give me that look, kid. Youâre always yappinâ in my ear about the sisters.â
âOh, Thing 1 and Thing 2,â Nick grins at the mention of the twin sisters that Chris frequently hooks-up with. âWho was the one that was here last time?â
âZoe,â Chris answers, but the blank look on Nickâs face causes Chris to sigh in annoyance before clarifying, âThing 1.â
âI thought Thing 1 was Chloe?â Nate chimes in, pulling a confused face.
Chris is quick to jump to Zoeâs defence, arguing that sheâs number one, but Matt tunes out the rest of the conversation, rolling his eyes as he picks up the shot glass and downs it quickly before bringing his beer bottle up to his lips.
He then turns his neck slightly to look over at you once again, spotting you this time smiling at your friend and clinking your simple glass of Coke to her colourful cocktail.
Matt canât help but continue sneaking glances your way. He is, undoubtedly, interested in you. This is unfamiliar territory for himâheâs never felt this drawn to someone before.
Heâs not scared or nervous, and he really would walk on over to you to begin a conversation if it wasnât for the fact you werenât alone. Your friend was glued to your side⌠and he hated it.
Matt inwardly curses, wishing he could just get rid of your friend and have you all to himself for the night, but you two seem inseparable. He takes another swig of his beer, his mind racing with ideas. There has to be a way to separate you from your friend, even if it was just for a moment.
He canât let this opportunity slip away, heâs going to have to find a way to get you alone. Or heâs going to have to wait for the right moment.
âI think heâs staring at me,â Talia whispers across the booth to you. She straightens her posture and runs her fingers through her hair, fixing any stray strands as she takes a quick glance at her reflection in her phone screen. âHow do I look? Do I have something in my teeth?â
âYou look fine,â You reassure with a nod, sipping your Coke through the straw. Your eyebrows knit together in curiosity as you watch Talia fuss over her appearance, pulling the neckline of her dress lower to show more cleavage. âBut whoâs staring at you?â
âThe tattooed guy with the red strand in his hair, sitting at the bar behind yâThe fuck? Donât turn around!â You ignore Taliaâs feeble attempts to redirect your attention as you spin around, easily spotting the man sitting at the bar surrounded by other similar-looking people.
You snort at the sight, but canât help but notice his attention doesnât seem to be on your friend. Slowly turning back to face Talia, you see her shoulders sag in defeat.
âHe was staring. He looked away as soon as you turned around.â
âI believe you,â You tell her, getting comfortable in your seat as you observe the way she takes quick glances behind you, holding her head high with confidence. âWho is he, anyways?â
âYouâre kidding,â Talia baffles, her eyes going wide. She takes offence when you shake your head. âItâs Matt. The guy thatâs on my Instagram feed. His band is playing tonightâheâs the reason why weâre here!â
You frown at that, âI thought you wanted to hang out?â
âI do!â Talia quickly says, but youâre less than impressed. She exhales deeply, âListen⌠Matt is the drummer in the band that performed earlier, and I havenât been able to have much free time to see them play. On top of that, we havenât hung out in a while and this is the only weekend we seem to be available â so Iâm basically hitting two birds with one stone here, can you really blame me?â
âGuess not.â You sigh, even though youâre still not impressed with whatâs going on.
You felt a little bit used and lied to, especially when she burst through your dorm room earlier and rambled excitedly about how sheâs looking forward to spending some time with you tonight.
Your mood turns sour when it dawns on you that you'll most likely be heading back to your dorm room alone tonight, knowing that she will probably blow you off to go blow off some other guyâliterally.
You wish you were the type of person to be selfish â to tell her that youâre not happy with her possibly leaving you to go hook-up with some guy, and demand her to stay with you all night to catch up and go home together with a takeout bag full of junk food, and watch a shitty old movie on your small laptop screen.
But youâve never been that way.
You have never been selfish.
âI need to go pee,â Talia announces, her face twisting in discomfort as she pushes her empty cocktail glass across the table and awkwardly shuffles out of the booth. She picks up her handbag and rummages through quickly, pulling out her purse and shoving it in your hands. âGo get us another drink, and no more Cokes for you either.â
You donât even get the chance to say anything as Talia waddles away in a rush towards the bathrooms and you push yourself out of the booth with a huff, clutching her purse in your grasp as you weave through the crowd of people blocking your path to the bar, seemingly busy with their conversations to even make room.
The grip on Taliaâs purse tightens as you finally reach the counter, watching the bartender lean in to chat up some customer with a flirtatious smile.Â
You debate on going back to the booth and waiting for Talia so she can work her charm to get you both more drinks. But you decide against it, instead hoisting yourself up onto a vacant barstool, so focussed on the bartender and his cheesy pickup lines that youâre completely unaware of who is sitting next to you.
Matt struggles to contain himself when he feels your shoulder brush against his as you sit down beside him at the bar. He steals a quick glance your way, his heart racing, but youâre focussed intently on the bartender, seemingly oblivious to Mattâs presence. Â
Matt knows Brent, the bartender, all too wellâheâs notorious for getting distracted as he flirts with customers, leaving others waiting, so you wonât be getting served any time soon.
This could be Mattâs chance to finally talk to you, to have the conversation heâs been yearning for since he first laid eyes on you. But the words catch in his throat, and he finds himself unable to face you directly, especially with his bandmates mocking him from the corner of his eye.
Chris makes obnoxious kissing noises, causing Matt to snap his head in that direction, but Chris doesnât back down from his teasing as he grins and nudges his shoulder.Â
âCâmon, kid. Show us that âMatt Magicâ,â The wiggle of Chrisâs eyebrows makes Matt want to fight, his knuckles turning white from the grip he has around his beer bottle. Chris quickly throws his hands up in defence. âJust want you to have some fun, man.â
âAs much as it pains me to admit itâlike it actually hurts meâChris is right,â Nick chimes in, his eyes flitting between Matt and yourself, who is still wrapped up in your own head to hear the conversation thatâs going on. It surprises him. âYouâre surrounded by very beautiful women who clearly show interest in you, and you donât give a fuck. At all.âÂ
âMaybe Matt does have some problems goinâ on down thereâŚâ Nate drawls as his eyes dip down to Mattâs jeans, tilting his head to the side teasingly. Matt rolls his eyes at Nateâs comment and reaches out to kick him, but Nick intervenes by pushing Nate to the side while Chris grins, amused by the situation.
âLook,â Nick sighs. âAs much as I would love for you to get out there, itâs all on your terms. Donât let these fucks peer pressure you into doing shit.â
Matt doesnât feel pressured, not one bit.
But all he wants right now is for his brothers and friend to give him some space so he can be alone with you. It would be the perfect opportunity, and he wouldnât have to worry about the others making grand gestures behind his back or worse, interrupting the conversation.Â
As if reading his mind, Nick grips the back of Chris and Nateâs shirts, hauling them away from the bar, though they donât stay too farâstill within reach of their drinks and shots.Â
Itâs not perfect, but itâll have to do.Â
Matt takes a deep breath, gently tugging on the earring dangling from his ear as he finally turns in his seat to face you⌠just in time for the bartender to finish his flirting.Â
Fuck.
âSorry about that,â The bartender apologises to you with a faint chuckle as he stands in front of you, running his fingers through his dark hair and adjusting the glasses on the bridge of his nose before resting his hands on his hips.
It gives you a full view of his all black sleeveless shirt thatâs tucked into a pair of dark jeans, and you canât help but notice the white name tag that stands out against the outfit, identifying him as Brent.Â
Brent gives you a charming smile, âWhat can I get for you?â
You hesitate for a moment, trying to remember the name of the cocktail Talia had ordered earlier. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as you scan the drinks menu above the bar, pointing to the cheapest options and youâre about to speak up until a voice suddenly interrupts you.
âCan I have a beer, a cosmopolitan, and a Coke?â
You whip your head to the side in annoyance, ready to give the rude customer a piece of your mind for cutting in. But the insults die on your lips as you realise who exactly it is.Â
Itâs the tattooed arm and the flash of red in his hair that lets you know who it isâthe guy that Talia has been non-stop talking about, and has been so fascinated with the past couple of months, and even the main topic of tonight's conversations.Â
Your eyebrows raise in slight shock. Youâre beginning to see the appeal⌠Matt is really pretty.Â
With Matt seated so closeâshoulder to shoulderâyou have the opportunity to really take in every detail of his appearance. Though youâve basically heard Talia rave about him, youâve never seen him up close and personal before.Â
The smudged eyeliner and subtle black eyeshadow around his blue eyes give him a slightly intimidating look, but thereâs a certain allure to it that makes you sink back into your seat, captivated.Â
You canât help but notice the tattoos decorating his arm, the flash of vibrant red in his hair, and the small hole on the side of his nostril that makes you wonder if thatâs where a nose piercing once was. The redness around the area suggests he or someone else may have attempted to pierce it recently â perhaps even today.
âThatâs what youâre both drinkinâ, yeah?â Mattâs question snaps you out of your captivated staring, and he shifts in his seat as he turns to face you fully, the chains on his all-black outfit jingling with his movements.
As he drums his fingernails against the bar as he waits for your answer, you notice the black chipped nail polish, some definitely more chipped than others, but the look suits his edgy appearance perfectly.
âYesâyeah, I think soâŚâ You answer quickly, realising youâve been quiet for far too long. But then you pause, your face twisting in confusion as you glance between him and the drinks being made. âHow did you know that?â
The corner of Mattâs lip curves upwards in amusement, and he shrugs his shoulders. âI guessed.â
âHere you go, gorgeous,â Brent interrupts as he slides the cocktail and Coke glass in your direction with precise aim, managing to not spill a drop. He then settles the beer bottle down in front of Matt next. âThat will beââ
âWait, can I get another one of those?â You cut him off as you point to the pink-coloured concoction in front of you, and Brent sends a wink your way as he turns on his heel to prepare the drink.
You give him a small smile as a thank you and you turn back to look at Matt whoâs already looking at you with his eyebrow raised, and you suddenly feel the need to explain yourself.
âItâs for me.â
Matt nods slowly, âHad enough of the Cokes?â
âNo, not exactly⌠She told me earlier not to get another one,â You say as you glance down at the full glass of Coke in front of you with pursed lips. âBut Iâll still take this, you know, just in case I donât like the cocktail.â
Matt smiles at that, and he reaches for the beer bottle with one hand while the other dips inside his pocket as soon as Brent returns with your newly made drink. He gives you the price and your eyes almost bulge out at the numbers, swallowing down the lump in your throat as you tell him youâll pay by card.
Youâre already mentally preparing yourself for Taliaâs reaction when she finds out about the cost. It makes you grimace just thinking about the consequences as you dig through her purse to find her card, but the sound of a machine beeping brings you out of your search, and you lift your head to see Matt with his arm outstretched, his own bank card in hand and pressed down on the card reader.
Did he just�
Your mouth repeatedly opens and closes in shock, unable to fully process what just happened even though it was the most simplest thing.Â
Brentâs giving Matt an amused look, his tongue prodding at his cheek to hide the obvious smirk on his face as he shoves the card reader back beneath the bar, and he flutters his fingers at you for a quick goodbye as he serves another customer â you briefly overhear him compliment their hair, but you pay him no attention as youâre meeting eyes with Matt who seems nonchalant about paying for all of your pricey drinks.
âYou didnât have to do that,â You protest quietly. âI had the money, Iââ
âI wanted to,â Matt cuts you off, bringing his beer to his lip and taking a sip all while keeping his eyes on you. âI havenât seen you around this bar before, so think of it as a welcome gift⌠from me to you.â
âThatâs⌠sweet. Thank you,â You show him your gratitude, warmth spreading in your chest at his unexpected gesture.
Matt nods his head and reaches over to gently clink his beer bottle against one of your cocktail glasses before taking a sip. You decide to follow suit, bringing the reddish-pink cocktail drunk to your lips.
But the second the liquid touches your tongue, your face twists in an unexpected reaction to the flavour, the taste catching you by surprise which causes the involuntary expression that flashes across your features.Â
Matt watches your reaction intently, an amused glint in his eye as he takes another sip of his beer while you place the cocktail back down on the bar to quickly grab your glass of Coke, washing down the taste with something youâre a lot more familiar with.
âYou donât like it?â
âItâs different,â You admit with an awkward laugh. You feel slightly embarrassed at pulling the most unattractive face and not enjoying a drink that he bought out of his money. âBut itâs still a gift, so Iâll drink it.â
âNah, you donât have to do that,â Matt shakes his head, the amusement still sparkling in his eyes as he reaches for his card. âLet me buy you anotherââ
âNo!â You immediately interject, not wanting him to spend any more of his money on the expensive drinks. Matt seems a little surprised at your sudden burst, and he reels his hand back to his lap. You cringe at your tone before adding. âI will drink it.â
âYeah?â He hums, his eyes flitting down to the cocktail on the bar before meeting your gaze again. He tilts his head slightly, a smirk playing on his lips. âAre you sure about that?â
Your heart thumps at the intensity of his stare, a look youâre unfamiliar with. You nod, doing your best to sound confident as you mutter, âVery.â
âWas there a queue at the bar or something? You took so long,â Talia frowns as soon as you arrive back at your shared booth with both cocktails in hand.
Your tongue pokes out in concentration, careful to not spill anything as you hand one over to Talia who takes it in her grasp.
âThanks, babe. But did you not use my card? I didnât get the notification on my phone that my card was being usedâdid you get us a cosmopolitan?! Do you realise how fucking expensive these are here?!â
âRelax, I didnât buy these,â You tell her as you slide into the booth, sliding Talia her purse. She stares at you, confusion written across her face, so you clarify; âCourtesy of your favourite drummer boy.â
âMatt bought me a drink?â The look that plasters across Taliaâs face is priceless, and you bite back the urge to add on how he bought your drink too. But you let her live in her moment as you nod your head, watching as she takes the information in with wide, excited eyes. âHoly shit. He totally likes meâI fucking knew it. Did he say anything?â
âAbout what?â You ask, your brows pulling together and Talia points at herself. âOh, no, not really. He was just talking about alcohol, you know⌠considering we were both at the bar.â
Talia sighs dreamily, âMy type of guy.â
âYeah, he seems interesting.â You find yourself agreeing, pressing your lips firmly together as you glance over your shoulder in a somewhat hopeful manner that youâll see Matt still at the bar, sipping his beer or maybe even watching you from afar. But when you donât see him, you feel an unexpected pang of disappointment.
Itâs strange â youâve never spoken to Matt before today, and your interaction was brief. Yet thereâs something about him that has piqued your curiosity, leaving you wanting to know more.
You struggle to explain this newfound fascination. Itâs completely out of character for you to be so preoccupied with a near-stranger, especially one that is your best friendâs crush. Normally, you would shrug something like this off and focus on the evening with Talia.
But now, thereâs a heaviness in your chest, a restless energy that has you craving another encounter with Matt.Â
Was it the intensity of his gaze that captivated you? The confident, almost flirtatious yet mysterious way he carried himself? Or was it simply the unexpected gesture of buying you a drink â a gesture that, for whatever reason, has left a lasting impression.
Youâve never been like this before.Â
So why now? Why all of a sudden?
âWhat are you thinking about?â Taliaâs voice yanks you out of your thoughts and you turn your head back in her direction. You quickly shrug your shoulders and shake your head to silently tell her that it was nothing, but she doesnât seem convinced. âI donât believe you.â
âIâm not thinkingââ
âYou were staring at the bar,â Talia points out before she decides to follow your gaze, her lips pursing in deep thought as she scans the surroundings. She suddenly smiles, âAre you staring at Brent? The bartender?â
âI said Iâmââ
âYou should go for it. I heard he gives really good head and honestlyâno offenceâyou need it. He could definitely loosen you up and give you a good time.â
You deadpan, âAre you saying that because itâs the truth, or is it because youâll feel bad that Iâd have to walk home alone while youâre getting laid?â
âBoth.â Talia sends you a sly wink, and she clinks her cocktail glass to yours before taking a sip.
You exhale softly with a roll of your eyes, reaching for your own cocktail until your hand stops halfway when you realise youâve lost the Coke you had left at the bar â itâs likely been snatched up by another customer that got excited over a free drink.Â
You really donât like the flavour of his cocktail, and you find yourself wishing you had something to wash it down with. It pains you.
You consider being a bit dramatic, holding your nose to avoid tasting it, or digging through your purse for some gum that you know is pooling at the bottom somewhere. But you decide to just suck it up and drink it without making a fuss.
After all, it was a gift.
Just as youâre about to bring the glass to your lips, another is suddenly placed in front of you â a fresh, bubbly Coke with ice and a red straw that faces towards you..
Taliaâs the first to respond to this stranger, her hand flying to cover her mouth to stifle her reaction as she chokes on her drink, her eyes strained and watery. You check on her to make sure that sheâs okay before you glance up, slightly taken aback when you see Matt.
âYou forgot your drink at the bar,â He tells you in a low tone. His eyes flick down to the cocktail in your hands, and his eyebrow raises slightly. âAre you sure youâre goin' to drink it?â
âI was going to.â Your reply in a whisper. But before you can say anything else, Matt is taking the cocktail from your hands and replacing it with the fresh Coke heâs brought over.
He holds the stem of the cocktail glass between his fingers, eyeing the brightly coloured drink for a moment before sliding it over to Talia, who is still uncharacteristically speechless. She quickly regains her composure, grasping the drink and pulling it close to her chest, as if itâs the most meaningful thing anyone has ever done for her.
âEnjoy this one instead,â Matt murmurs to you, and just as he begins to turn away, you find yourself calling out his name.
Youâre not entirely sure why youâve done so â perhaps itâs a reluctance to let him go so quickly, a desire to indulge the growing fascination youâve developed for him. Or maybe itâs because you can see the gears turning in Taliaâs head as she tries to figure out how to start a conversation with himâto flirt with him.
Youâre a good friend to Talia, you always have been.
You always put her first.
âDo you want to join us?â You offer with a friendly smile, and you gesture towards the empty seat opposite youâbeside Talia. âYouâre welcome to come sit with us and hang out, unless you have somewhere else to be?â
Matt is quiet for a moment, his eyes darting around the bar as if heâs searching for something, but then he nods and takes you up on your offer. Taliaâs beaming ear to ear with excitement, shuffling to the side to make space for him on her side of the booth.
But to your surprise, Matt sits down beside you instead, his shoulder knocking heavily against yours as he settles into the small space. He apologises quickly, lifting a hand to gently rub the sore spot.
You find yourself glued to your seat, sandwiched between the wooden barrier on the right and Mattâs body pressed against your left. The heat radiating off him envelops you, but you try not to pay too much attention to it, especially when you see Talia eyeing the two of you with a slightly wrinkled nose and an upturned lip.
However, Taliaâs expression soon shifts to a grin as she turns her attention to Matt, âThank you for buying the drinks,â She gestures towards the cocktail in front of her. âIâll get your next one.â
âI appreciate that,â Matt replies, dipping his head in gratitude.Â
He takes a quick sip of his beer, and you notice Talia watching him carefully, her eyebrows furrowing as she tilts her head, trying to read the label from her seat.
Matt seems to pick up on this, and he comically and slowly rotates the bottle in Taliaâs direction. âItâs new â Brent got it delivered today.â
âLost Boys? He got a drink named after one of your songs?â Talia teases playfully, and Matt simply nods in response. You fight the urge to snort at that fact, finding it a little amusing.
âYou should try it,â Matt nudges you softly, offering you a taste of his beer. You are about to decline, to shake your head and say youâre fine with the Coke, but the smile that dances across his lips is enough to make you slowly change your mind. âI think you might like this better than the cocktail.â
You donât question it further, and instead take the beer in your hands, taking a tentative sip. Youâre a bit hesitant on the initial taste, rubbing your lips together firmly as Matt and Talia watch you, waiting for your honest opinion. you just take the beer in your hands for a sip and youâre hesitant on the taste that hits your tongue, rubbing your lips together firmly as the pair watch you, waiting for your honest opinion.
You swallow thickly, but are pleasantly surprised. âItâs actually really good.â
Matt hums, âTold you.â
âLet me try,â Talia chimes in, reaching out for the beer. You happily hand it over to her, but then you realise your mistake, turning to look at Matt with a slightly apologetic look on your face as it dawns on you that youâre sharing around his drink.Â
Mattâs already watching you when you look at him, and you go to apologise, but Taliaâs already handing him back his beer with a satisfied expression.Â
âI like it tooâitâs sweet.â She confirms.Â
âThat can be the next round of drinks then, yeah?â Matt says, his eyes briefly darting down to Taliaâs purse beside her.Â
Taliaâs smile falters for a moment when she remembers that she was the one that offered to buy him his next drink. You can tell sheâs thinking about the dent these drinks are going to put on her bank account, but she quickly musters up another smile and nods her head, excited at the thought of buying Matt something.
Before Talia can respond, you decide to come to her aid as your hand slips towards your own purse. âYou donât have to buy the next drink. We can go in halvesââ
âDonât offend me like that,â Talia cuts you off with a playful flip of her hair. âI have the money. Iâll get it.â
You wince at that, unconvinced. âYou sure?â
âTotally,â Talia smirks. She then turns to face Matt, who has been quietly sipping his beer. âYour set earlier was fucking amazing, by the way. The band is soââ
âDID SOMEBODY SAY SHOTS?!â An unfamiliar voice screeches at the top of their lungs as a tray of multicoloured shots is suddenly thrust onto the table in front of you all, causing some of the liquid to spill over. A quick hand reaches out to try and recover them despite half of the liquid pooling around the tray.
As your eyes trail up the arm of the person who brought over the shots, youâre surprised to see an identical-looking guy to Matt, but with a backwards cap on his curly head of brown hair. His cheeks are flushedâa clear sign that heâs had quite a bit to drink already.
Standing on one side of him is another identical-looking guy, but with blonde hair, and heâs cursing under his breath and scolding the backwards capped one for the mess heâs created.
The capped guy is trying (and failing) to scoop the spilled alcohol back into the cups using just his pinky finger. Itâs a comical sight, with his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in pure concentration.
âThis is the second fuckinâ time this has happened,â Matt informs with a sigh, but the chuckle that escapes him shows heâs not as annoyed as heâs letting on. âChris also spilled them earlier.â
The backwards capped guy, who you now discover is named Chris, snaps his head up in offence at Mattâs comment and stops his failed attempts at trying to scoop the alcohol back into the shot glasses.
âI tripped over your fuckinâ dumbass shoe actually,â Chris hisses through his teeth as he knocks his foot against Matt, who doesnât seem fazed at the attack at all. âAnyway. Scoot up, let us in.â
âAre you joining us?â Taliaâs eyes twinkle at the thought of her favourite band joining the booth, and you couldnât help but feel happy for her, knowing that sheâs been waiting for this moment to happen.
However, you canât help but feel a bit confused and slightly worried about where the others would fit, especially inside the cramped booth. It could fit four people at most, but you werenât sure about the six. Youâre already feeling a bit squished beside Matt and the wooden barrier.
âOf course weâre joining you, thatâs the reason why we got shots.â The blonde-haired guy, who you found out is called Nick, scoffs as he makes a quick gesture to Talia to scoot up, creating just enough room for him and the other bandmate, Nate (who funnily enough has a name tag written across his chest), to squeeze in on her side of the booth.
âExcuse me, kid.â Chris grunts as he clamps a hand down on Mattâs shoulder to push himself up, placing his shoe on the smallest bit of booth space between Mattâs legs before climbing over you both, muttering how he doesnât want to sit on the end.
Mattâs arm slides around your middle in an instant as he moves to the edge of the booth, pulling you along with him to let Chris sit at your other side, allowing Chris to be squashed between you and the wooden barrier instead. He weirdly seems okay with it, although he does wince when he feels your purse dig into his side, and youâre quick to move it with an apology, but he dismisses it with a wave and a kind smile.
Now youâre pressed right up against Matt, his arm bringing you even close to him. After a few moments, he lets you go, his fingers brushing against the exposed skin of your back as he gently pulls your shirt that had risen up back down, keeping you decent before his arm falls back into his own lap.
The brief touch sends goosebumps crawling up your skin, and you involuntarily shiver. You straighten your posture and tear your attention away from Mattâs wandering eyes, missing the small grin that tugs at the corners of his lips.
What you donât miss is Talia staring at you, and as soon as you meet her gaze, her lips pull into a tight smile which you return back, grabbing your glass of Coke to distract yourself from what just happened.
âYou. Nuh-uhâno way, kid. Put that down,â Nate points a finger at you and shakes his head with a tut. âWeâre taking shots before we continue anythinâ. You pick first.â
Reaching for one of the spilled shots that has the least amount of drink in it, you go for the easiest option. Nateâs mouth drops and his eyebrows knit together, as if youâve just outwardly offended him, but he doesnât say anything as he and the others quickly pick their own shots and clink their glasses together, eagerly downing the drinks.
Youâre pleasantly surprised at the fruity taste that slides down your throat, but you canât help but wince at the burn it leaves behind, similar to Nick, who starts to complain.
âWhat the fuck was that?!â Nick fake retches and rubs his throat, his other hand quickly reaching for his beer to wash down the taste. âWhat flavour was thatâWhat did you fucking get?!â
âI dunnoâa whole bunch of different shit,â Chris shrugs as he picks up Nickâs empty shot glass, taking a sniff. His eyebrows raise in surprise. âThatâs passionfruit, kid. I had that too. We matched.â
âOh, I hate it.â Nick gags again, bringing his beer bottle to his lips again to take a few hefty gulps, clearly trying to rid himself of the unpleasant taste.
âI think me and Matt had strawberry,â Talia announces, staring at the red stain on Mattâs chosen shot gloss. She grins, âWe matched.â
Matt nods, then turns to you, âWhat did you have?â
âRaspberry,â Nate answers for you as he winks at you from across the booth, signifying you matched shots with him.
âOh! So not only did I have a disgusting flavour, but I matched with Chris?â Nick scoffs, eyeballing every single one of you with irritancy. âUn-fucking-believable.â
âSo, what brought you both here tonight?â Chris asks you and Talia after a few more drinks, courtesy of Talia who had promised to buy the next round.
Originally, the next drinks that were bought by Talia were supposed to be for just you, her and Matt. But with the others joining the table and their constant pleading, she ended up purchasing more than she had planned.
You feel bad, especially knowing how pricey this bar is, and make a mental note to pay for half of the drinks bought at the end of the night â even though Talia keeps giving you side glances, letting you know that everything is fine.
This is her favourite band after all, and she would do anything to spend a few more minutes with them⌠or even just Matt.
âJust to catch up over some drinks,â You tell him, glancing over at the stage where a few of their set pieces are still laid out. âWe came to listen to your band too.â
âYeah?â Chris grins, leaning back into his seat, his legs spreading wide beneath the table. âAre you a fan of our music?â
âIâm a huge fan,â Talia gushes, and you allow her to take the lead in the conversation. She leans forward, elbows on the table, causing her cleavage to almost spill out of the top of her dress in a deliberate gesture.
You admire Taliaâs confidence, even though you want to tell her that she doesnât need to try so hard to get their attention â sheâs gorgeous as is.
Talia continues, âIâve pretty much seen every single one of your shows here.â
âHave you been to any of our shows?â Matt asks, and it takes you a moment to realise that heâs talking to you, as everyone at the table is now staring and waiting for your reply. The corner of Mattâs lip curls upwards slightly as he tilts his head. âThis your first time?â
âSheâs never been,â Talia answers for you. âShe doesnât listen to this type of music. I practically had to force her out of herââ
âIs there something wrong with our music?â Nick asks you with mock offence, pressing his hand against his chest like you actually wounded him. Chris tuts with a shake of his head, making a joke about how much of a fake you are while Nate stays silent with a grin, watching everything unfold.
âNo, nothing is wrong with your music,â You laugh softly. âI just really like the band âSolarzâ.â
âYou like Solarz?â Nick gapes at you, the mock offence look dropping from his face as his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. You nod your head to confirm, and he breathes out, âI think you might seriously be my favourite person ever.â
Nate and Chris laugh at that while Matt remains quiet with a small grin on his face, keeping his eyes locked. You start to feel a little stuffy and nervous, especially with how his body is pressed against yours.Â
âSolarz is incredible,â Talia chimes in above the laughter, and you smile at her, grateful for the times sheâs cleared her schedule to go to their concerts with you. You really do owe her. âMatt, do you like Solarz too?â
âI think theyâre great,â Matt nods, his answer short and to the point. Talia smiles, but before she can speak again, Matt turns to you and asks, âIs this really your first time watchinâ us?â
âYeah,â You nod, glancing over at Talia, who seems a little dejected. You donât want to see her upset or left out, so you gesture towards her, hoping to bring Mattâs attention to her. âBut, like Talia said, sheâs a huge fan of yââ
âI think you should let me show you whatâs backstageâŚâ Matt cuts you off, leaning forward to whisper to you, even though his words are heard by everyone in the booth.
He stares at you through the strands of hair that have fallen in front of his eyes, waiting for your answer. You struggle to respond, feeling all eyes on you.
Talia is clearly not impressed by Mattâs sudden invitation to you. Her mouth is hung open in shock, and her eyebrows are pulled together in a clear expression of displeasure. You canât blame her, given how sheâs been trying to flirt with Matt this whole time, only for him to disregard her advances and ask you instead if you want to see whatâs backstage.Â
The phrase itself seems to hold a deeper meaning, based on the reactions of the others. Mattâs brothers and Nate all look quite shocked, some more smug than others, subtly nudging each other under the table. Chris even wiggles his eyebrows as he mouths the words âMatt Magicâ to Nick and Nate, the former gasping in response.
You feel conflicted as Mattâs hand slips into the gap between the table and your own, his palm facing upwards as he laces his fingers with yours. The warmth of his hand is a contrast to the cold metal of his rings, and you find yourself curling your fingers around his in a gentle grip.Â
âWhat do you say?â Matt asks, his gaze unwavering as he looks at you. âLet me take you backstage. Just me and you, yeah? Come with me.â
You are aware of how stupid you must look right now, not speaking a word while the others are staring at you. Youâre unsure of what to say, especially when a big part of you wants to decline for Taliaâs sake â sheâs the dedicated fan, and deserves this more than you do.
But another part of you is tempted by Mattâs invitation, drawn to him. The part wants nothing man that for you to grip his hand tighter and allow him to drag you wherever backstage.
Youâve always been unlucky with situations like these, always the one thatâs left behind during hangouts at a bar while others had fun with boys or getting drunk â which, to be fair, is all on you. You never were the one to go home with some complete stranger or let yourself indulge in alcohol until you were able to function, it was never your thing.Â
You nod your head just as Talia calls out your name, and your head immediately snaps in her direction, meeting her wide eyes with your own.
âTalia, Iââ You start to say, but the words catch in your throat as Matt is already sliding out of the booth, his fingers tightening around yours and pulling you along with him.
You barely have time to react, hurriedly grabbing your purse as youâre whisked away from the group. You send an apologetic smile Taliaâs way, wishing you could explain yourself to her, but the noises of Nate and Chrisâs hollering and whooping drowns out any chance you have.Â
You tighten your hand around Mattâs as he pulls you through the crowded bar, and you duck your head low to avoid the stares of strangers who watch you with him â wishing that they were in your position. It gives you a slight confidence boost, knowing that people are jealous of you, and you dwell on that feeling for a moment.Â
Soon, Matt is leading you down a vacant hallway, heading towards a red door that reads âBACKSTAGE. STAFF AND BAND ACCESS ONLYâ in bold lettering.
âHere we goâŚâ Matt mumbles under his breath as he pushes open the door, allowing you to walk in first.
The backstage area is a sight to behold. Fancy string lights hang from the ceiling, their bulbs flickering as Matt flips a switch to turn them on, bathing the room in a warm glow. The colour scheme is a combination of red and black â the walls are painted a blood red, adorned with various posters of bands, while a plush black carpet covers the floor, littered with instruments and clothing.Â
Your eyes are immediately drawn to a pair of light blue panties thrown across the arm of a leather sofa, and Matt seems to follow your gaze.
âOne of Chrisâs girls was in here before the show; Zoe,â The name doesnât ring any bells, but you nod anyway, watching as he unzips a backpack with Chrisâs name on it and shoves the panties inside as he mumbles under his breath, âAt least Nick fuckinâ cleans up after himself.â
âCleans up?â You canât help but ask, and Matt responds with a grin, gently kicking the backpack to the side, out of your curious gaze.
Your eyes scan the room, taking in the various items scattered about â a few zip lock bags on the glass coffee table, some filled with pre-rolled joints and others with just the marijuana.
âChris and Nate,â Matt whispers in your ear, causing you to jump slightly at his sudden closeness. They like takinâ a hit before goinâ onstage, calms their nerves.â
Youâre quiet for a moment, then ask, âWhat about you?â
âSometimes, but not tonightâ Matt moves to stand directly in front of you, his hand coming up to caress your cheek, his rings gliding gently over your skin as he meets your gaze. âYou know the reason why I brought you here, right?â
âApparently not just to see whatâs backstage,â You respond with a lighthearted laugh, though you canât deny the nervousness bubbling within you. You swallow thickly, your palms sweaty and clammy. âI donâtâI donât do this type of thing.â
Matt hums, âDo what?â
You feel a surge of embarrassment as the heat rises up your neck, and you canât bring yourself to look Matt in the eyes, instead focussing on the horse necklace hanging around his neck. You wish the ground would swallow you whole this moment.
Suddenly, Matt gently grasps your chin, using his fingers and thumb to tilt your head up, forcing you to meet his gaze once again.Â
âHey, if youâre uncomfortable, I can take you back out to the back right now,â Matt tells you, his tone sincere and honest. âJust say the word and weâll leave â Iâll take you back to your friend and even call a cab for you to go home if you donât want to stay.â
âThatâs the thingâŚâ You pause, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth as you grapple with your inner turmoil. âI do want to stay. Youâre⌠youâre interesting.â
âMe? Iâm interesting?â Matt canât help but chuckle, a grin spreading across his face. âSweetheart, itâs actually you that interested me. You caught my attention the moment I laid eyes on you. Iâve never seen you around before, and yet you make me feel like Iâm goinâ crazy. I justââ He stops, voice huskier as he stares at you. âI want you so bad. I want to play with you.â
âPlay?â
âWill you let me play with you?â Matt asks you sweetly despite the dark look in his eyes. âI can make you feel good⌠wanna make that pretty pussy of yours ready for me.â
You let out a shaky breath and nod your head, âOkay.â
You gasp as Matt instantly turns you around, your back now pressed to his chest with his lips grazing across your shoulder, his teeth nipping at the skin as his hands slowly slide down the strap of your purse, letting it drop to the floor with a thump.
Your heart beats wildly in your chest as his tentative touch, trying your best to steady your breathing as his fingers fiddle with the hem of your shirt, his knuckles brushing your sides as he lifts the shirt up, bringing it over your head and letting it pool to the floor.
Mattâs teeth snag at your earlobe and you crane your head to the side, allowing him to nip and suck at the area as much as he pleases, eliciting a satisfied hum from you. He pushes his hips forward, his bulge rutting against your lower back while his hands come down to rest at your hips.
You fight the urge to laugh when you feel his fingers drum a beat on your skin, a similar pattern to the one that was playing earlier when he was on stage performing, but the urge to laugh soon disappears when he bites down on the junction between your neck and shoulder, your knees almost buckling from shock if it wasnât for the grip he tightened around you.Â
âYouâre so fuckinâ sensitive,â Matt murmurs against your skin, his tongue flattening over the area he bit down on. âAre you sensitive in other places too?â
âMattâŚâ You whisper his name when you feel his blunt fingernails dig into your hips to turn you around, his nose brushing over your own before he leans in to push his lips to yours for the first time.
The kiss is soft at firstâa few second lip lock that causes your body to tingle with nerves that soon slip away when you feel the intensity grow, and your hands slide around his shoulders while his come up to cup the sides of your neck, his head tilting to the side as his tongue parts your lips.
You grip the hair at the nape of his neck to bring him as close to you as possible, and Matt follows, his body flush against yours with his hands secure around your neck, taking control of the passionate and heated kiss.Â
It makes your head spin and lungs burnâdesperate for air, but you couldnât find it in yourself to part away from him so soon. His kiss is intoxicating.Â
Matt breaks away from the kiss as he pants, âNeed youâneed you toââ He cuts himself off only to reconnect your lips, unable to finish his sentence until he has to force himself back. âFuckâI need you to lie down fâme.â
You immediately drop down to the carpet with no further questions, not daring to lay across the sofa after seeing the underwear one of Chrisâs girls had left behind on the arm of it.Â
Matt drops down carefully to sit at your waist, his knees planted on either side of your hips. You watch as he takes off his oversized graphic shirt, messing up his hair even more than it already was as itâs tugged over his head.
Youâre in complete awe at his body, your hands reaching out to trace the happy trail that leads down to his jeans, making your mouth water.
His horse chained necklace glides across your skin when he leans down to litter kisses across your body, paying extra attention to your breasts that heâs eager to rip free from your braâhe doesnât even apologise once he tears the material.
Your head tips back with a gasp as his tongue rolls over your pebbled nipple before itâs sucked into his mouth, his teeth grazing against the sensitive bud which elicits a moan from you, unable to control the subtle twitches of your body.
âPrettyâfuckinâ prettyâŚâ Matt praises, his tongue swirling around the opposite nipple as his fingers knead the plush skin of the other. âYouâre so sensitive. So easy to play with.â
âMattââ
âShhh, sweetheartâŚâ Matt shushes you as you moan a little too loudly, peering up at you through hooded lids as he pulls your jeans and panties down your legs, discarding them somewhere to the side as he pries open your thighs, his gaze flitting down to your glistening folds.
Your heart races as he stares at your pussy, feeling shy and too exposed. You debate on closing your legs so he couldnât look anymore, or telling him to hurry up so you donât feel hot under his gaze.
Matt moves down to lay between your legs, his mouth trailing kisses over the skin of your inner thighs. You almost lose yourself as his tongue presses between your folds, his nose rubbing against your throbbing clit thatâs been begging for his attention.
âMattâŚâ You whisper out his name pathetically, your back arching off of the floor as his hands join, two fingers pushing through your entrance and curling, drawing out a long moan from you.
Heâs sloppy with his tongue, licking you in all the right places that has your toes curling over his shoulders, and his fingers that fuck into you has you wailing. Youâre loud now â too loud to the point Mattâs free hand moves up your body to press over your mouth, keeping your noises muffled by the palm of his hand.
Your cunt clenches around Mattâs fingers in desperation, and the vibrations of his satisfied hums sends your eyes rolling to the back of your head in pure bliss, unable to watch the mess of hair between your legs no more.
His fingers stroke your gummy walls, the cold metal of his rings (that he really shouldâve taken off) sends shivers down your spine.
âYou taste so fuckinâ good,â Matt compliments before his lips wrap around your clit, and you moan beneath his palm, your thighs shaking on either side of his head as he fingers you faster and harder â the wet, sloppy sounds of your cunt making you want to curl up in embarrassment, but your orgasm is rapidly approaching and you want nothing more than to come undone around his fingers.Â
He repeatedly whispers praises and compliments as he continues his ministrations through your orgasm; his nose nudging your little bundle of nerves, leaving messy and sloppy kisses on your cunt, and his fingers curling to graze against the spot deep within which is enough to make you tear up, becoming far too sensitive.
Youâre pushing him back with your foot, and Matt chuckles as he finally lets you go. He moves to kneel between your legs that have fallen from his shoulders, and he watches your chest rise and fall rapidly as you try to catch your breath.
âDoinâ so good for me, sweetheart.â Your heart warms at Mattâs praise, and you peel your eyes open just in time to see him bring his two fingers to his mouth, covered in your arousal. He keeps eye contact with you as he pushes the digits past his lips to suck them clear, and you find the sight unbelievably attractive.Â
He pulls his fingers out of his mouth with a pop! before his hands drop down to the belt on his jeans, unbuckling with one hand and pulling it through the loops. Heâs quick to get rid of the rest of his clothing, moving them out of the way with a hard shove so it wouldnât cause any interruptions between you both.
Mattâs hand locks around your wrist to tug you upwards, forcing you to sit up, and your forehead almost knocks against his chest from the force.
His head dips low to kiss your lips softly before he orders you to turn around â to get on your hands and knees in front of him. You do as youâre told without question, flipping around onto your knees with your ass in the air and face resting against the plush carpet.Â
âShiiit⌠wish you could see yourself from this angle.â Matt curses, his fingers gripping the flesh of your ass, giving the skin a few hefty slaps. He moves forward on his knees, and his fingers wrap around his cock to tap the head against your puffy folds, collecting your arousal with a low groan.
âPlease, Matt⌠Please.â You manage to pathetically plead out, and Matt nods with a hum. His tongue licks across his bottom lip before tucking it between his teeth, watching as he pushes his thick tip into your cunt.
Your eyes widen at the stretchâthe burnâfully understanding how big he is even without seeing it for yourself. He stops for a few seconds to let out a shaky exhale, his hands rubbing at your hips as he feels you tremble beneath him. It sounds like heâs mocking you, but you pay no attention as you wiggle your ass back onto him, begging for him to move.
âFuck, sweetheart.â Matt hisses through gritted teeth at the go ahead, and he moves his hand from your hips to your lower back, thrusting forward to push himself in deeper, bottoming out completely.Â
A choked gasp rips from the back of your throat, your nails scraping across the carpet in search of anything to grasp onto to keep yourself grounded as Mattâs hips press against your ass, his cock buried deep within the warm of your walls. Heâs panting while youâre unable to make a noise, mouth stuck open wide as Matt pulls his hips back before rolling them forward, thrusting back into you.
His deep strokes have you struggling to speak, wanting to let him know how good it feels as heâs angling his hips, hitting a particular spot inside of you that has you squealing, almost sending you flying forwards if it wasnât for his grip.
âEasy, girl. I got you,â Matt laughs between grunts, his hips slapping against your ass. âAm I makinâ you feel good?â
âSâgood.â Your words slur, mind too blank to come up with a functioning sentence. He laughs again before finding a good rhythm to work withâa rhythm that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head, moving too fast for you to register.
âIâm gonna cum in this tight cunt of yoursâfill you up. Gonna fill you up with my cum, make a fuckinâ mess.â The way his tone sounds and how he rambles his words indicate how close he is to cumming, and youâre not far behind.
You wish you could move back against him. You wish you could do more than just bend over with your ass in the air and take what he gives you. You want to make him feel good too, but you struggle to find your strength and your mind is too clouded with lust and pleasure to even begin to move.
Youâre stuck as a moaning mess for Matt to use â not that youâre complaining.
The only thing you can do is tighten your cunt around his cock in hopes it will do something to make him feel as good as heâs making you feel, and he gives you one big thrust before he stills, his cock pumping long spurts of cum deep within your pussy as he hits his climax.
The feeling alone sets you off into your last orgasm of the night, your body tingling at the warmth that spreads through you. Heâs panting heavily behind you, slowly rolling his hips to ride it out, and he grins when he feels your body convulsing.
Matt takes his time pulling out of you, stroking your lower back tenderly. Once youâre free, your body flops down to the carpet, the air knocking out of your lungs from the harsh impact, leaving you gasping for air as you try to regulate your erratic breathing.
You grimace a little when you feel Mattâs cum drip out of your pussy, making a sticky mess between your thighs and the carpet below you, knowing youâll definitely have to go home after this and shower.
Mustering up enough of your strength, you try to turn your head to peer over your shoulder to see if Matt is okay, but a gasp fleets past your lips and your body stills when you feel Mattâs hands run up the backs of your thighs and to your ass, kneading your asscheeks before pulling them apart.
He leans down, leaving a kiss on your leaking pussy from behind. âThank you for lettinâ me play with you.â
Š sturnioz
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