#that would have DEVASTATED me as a teenager

[sarbear94]

Because Evan-

(It’s a long one…sorry not sorry 😘)

Okay…. I’ve been rewatching some old Buddie scenes because of the potential of Eddie moving back to El Paso and…. excuse my language but…. What the fuck?

It’s like the writers are new or don’t know what to do with Eddie anymore. Or like someway, somehow the episodes are out of order.

In THAT scene, Buck asks “he has grandparents, family” and Eddie reply’s “After Shannon left, they tried to guilt me into giving Christopher to them. It wasn’t what I wanted then, it’s not what I want now.” They then both agreed that no one would fight harder for Chris than Buck.

So WHY THE FUCK haven’t either of them gotten him back yet??

Eddie started season 7 with Marisol and Chris and everyone’s fine. Then Chris is dating multiple girls (Eddie is baffled and doesn’t know how to handle it so he asks Buck for help) and said it has to do with his mom to Buck and we get that EMOTIONAL shot of Eddie devastated after hearing this. Then proceeds to give him a letter to bring about closure for him. Eddie seemed to already have closure or at least repressed it.

Then Eddie meets Kim…. And the Eddie we have loved for 6 seasons is IMMEDIATELY GONE. He does the exact same thing that he told Buck about Christopher was not okay And needed to be fixed (he was BEGGING Buck for help).

Like, my dude, how did you think this was gonna go? You kept everyone in the dark. Your son, your best friend, your GIRLFRIEND and even Kim! What was his end goal? It doesn’t make any sense.

Like I understand that if Gavin wasn’t gonna be around next season, and you need to write him off but have him potentially come back, there were several ways you could have done that but still kept true to the characters. Have Chris go to a boarding school. Or a school trip. Or literally ANYTHING ELSE! Then season 8, keep the Kim storyline, but Chris is already gone and doesn’t witness it. Cause now that whole confession thing with Kim pretending to be Shannon and actually get closure was pointless. If they’d done that with Chris gone, he’d have the closure. Work on the PTSD crawling back up in an empty house, keep the Priest and finding Joy and then keep that for a bit and then heal.

That was a whole side tangent really for the main point I was trying to make, but why does Eddie- lose Chris, grow a mustache, grieve for not having his son, have an episode where a Priest says “let yourself have Joy,” then take it away in the next couple of episodes by saying “I’m thinking of moving to Texas” based on the words of a psycho actor??

Chris is a TEENAGER! Hell- he might still be a preteen, grow the fuck up and go parent your son. You’ve put your foot down before, why is this any different?? After a few weeks, I would have been like “nope, we’re done with this. I get I fucked up, but I’m still your dad so we are gonna talk about this and figure out some common ground.” I understand feeling guilty and not wanting to push him even farther away but you’re not even trying! Phone calls don’t show “I want you here with me,” it says “I’m okay with you being gone.”

You’re thinking moving to El Paso is a great idea… but it’s not. Your parents suck. You know this. YOU MOVED HALF WAY ACROSS THE US TO GET AWAY FROM THEM FOR A REASON! I get you patched things up slightly, but not enough.

ALSO! Why wasn’t Buck an option?!? Because of Tommy? I get because Gavin being out of the show(temporarily?) would have made that impossible but why wasn’t it even mentioned? I mean, He’s run to him before, he’s called him when Eddie had his breakdown and Chris didn’t know what to do. But like THEY HAD THE WILL, why wasn’t it even a factor in this. At the time, it felt like, at least to Chris, that Eddie was incapable of taking care of him, which means that Chris should go to Buck. Not his grandparents.

I just don’t understand what they are doing with these two. E and C. Bucks got his bisexual journey(relationship with Tommy). Bobby has multiple storylines. The Hans had the Mara and new baby storylines. Hen and Karen had the Ortiz/Mara and Denny/Halloween storylines. Athena has literally any storyline involving cops. And all those storylines make sense for each character. Eddie’s and Chris’s doesn’t. They keep pushing Eddie to be sad then happy then making stupid decisions. DEVELOP YOUR FUCKING CHARACTER! You’ve been dropping the ball since at least the network switch. Which I find super funny because yes, he does the emotional scenes super amazing but now it seems like his character is more open. He’s making more funny faces, he’s got the loose hair, he makes comedic jokes. But he’s almost(so close) to reminding me of Buck 1.0.. but it doesn’t fit with the storyline at all. At least to me…

Like does anyone agree with any of this? Am I just seeing things? Did the writers get told Gavin was leaving too late and made this story on the fly and rolled with it? Does Ryan want out of the show and they are keeping it under wraps? Like WHAT IS HAPPENING? Make it make sense!

Ps. I did not proofread this before posting so if something doesn’t make sense, let me know. I was just trying to get down all my thoughts on this. Currently me vvv

[woodswallow]

Why Farin Urlaub's support for Flake means so much to me

Had a short conversation with @marimayscarlett about that topic that made me realize something...so here you have a little personal post about my thoughts and feelings about that collab between Flake and Farin Urlaub (member of the german band Die Ärzte).

I loved die Ärzte from my childhood, my older brother introduced me to them. I started loving them and becoming an active fan around the age of...14 maybe (I'm now 36). Farin was always my favourite member. I was a die-hard fan for many, many years, went to several concerts, watched every bit of them on television, listened to their interviews, read everything I found about them. Especially about Farin. For me, he's one of the most intelligent people I "know". I love his views on things, value his opinions, admire his openess, his modesty, his creativity, his very balanced opinions. He reads and travels a lot, and it definitely shows. I would love to meet him and just listen to his storys. I really, really admire him as a person. He had a huge impact on my life as a teen, he also formed my inner moral compass. He's for example the reason why I never got into drinking alcohol (took a sip here and there, but gladly never started). My fan-fire for Die Ärzte has cooled down and made room for Rammstein, but I still am a huge fan of the man himself.

When that Row-Zero shit started last year, needless to say, I was devastated. My fan bubble was about to burst, I had a huuuuge moral conflict, as I'm sure most of us had. Was it still OK to like this band? To visit their concerts? To listen to their music? To write fanfiction about them? After many (!!!) conversations, read articles, listened podcasts and more conversations I decided that, YES, I can still enjoy this band without betraying myself and my moral compass. Till Lindemann doesn't equal Rammstein. The whole band surely has some sort of responsibility for what happened. But for me this was/is not a reason to turn my back on them. I heard (via youtube-videos from concerts) that Die Ärzte made some comments on that topic during their shows in 2023, they made some (bad) jokes about it. All in all, it was such a hard time with many hard discussions and difficult feelings.

I had to heal after this.

Now seeing Farin Urlaub, probably my most beloved celebrity, hero of my teenage-years and sculptor of my moral compass making a song and a video together with Flake, member of the ostracized band Rammstein....this really, really feels incredible. It's like an official OK, that my decision to stick with this band and to still love them is okay.

Seeing that Farin Urlaub obviously can differentiate between all the accusations, the accused persons, the band, the media...that he formed his own opinion and decided that it's okay to collab with him...this feels like healing to me. As I said, I have a very high opinion on Farin Urlaub. So seeing this sign from him makes me sooo incredibly happy and relieved. Obviously there's a shitstorm going on in the guestbook on Farin Urlaub's webpage - many people are disappointed by him.

I myself am very, very grateful and happy.

Danke Farin <3

Thank you so much if you really read that whole post :-* (screenshot by @mann-gegen-mann-in-real-life

[cookinguptales]

I will say, though, people used to be way meaner about fic online when I was a kid. Readers can still be shitty, don't get me wrong, but it was the wild fucking west when I was young and new to fandom.

Sporking communities (communities dedicated to going through fic line-by-line to make fun of it to an audience), homophobic death threats, "constructive criticism" that was really just designed to hurt young writers' feelings... Like this was all considered not just acceptable but fun and fairly normalized. You were considered "butthurt" if this stuff really affected you.

But damn, it was so mean. Like so unnecessarily mean. People were practically hunting fan writers for sport just because they wrote fic/meta/roleplays/etc. that they didn't enjoy. I cannot overemphasize that making fun of writers was considered a viable fandom path at a certain point. Some people got very big followings for sporkings, takedowns, particularly creative flames, etc.

What I'm telling you is that making fun of others' writing was considered a kind of fanwork in and of itself.

Like... I remember writing something online when I was about fourteen and -- I don't even remember what it was, being honest with you. It probably wasn't very good, given my age. But I do remember that someone just replied to it with a link for a website "how to write" and nothing else, and it hurt my feelings so badly that I didn't even want to keep going. That was considered concrit back then, even though it was really just a thinly veiled insult. Pretty sure whoever wrote that comment thought it was hilarious, and others would have agreed with them. I definitely would've been mocked if I'd complained.

And... that was just what you had to put up with if you posted your writing publicly. Some of those old warnings like "flames will be used to make s'mores!" come off as kind of cringe these days, but it really was a coping mechanism that you had to develop if you wanted to get through it at all. It was saying "your words won't hurt me, so don't bother."

Like... I like to believe that I'm a pretty good writer these days, and I can guarantee that not one of those assholes who made fun of me or mocked my work or talked shit about my ideas actually helped to make me what I am today. It was the people who encouraged me to play with a lot of different ideas and forms of writing who really helped me grow. Nothing worked better than just writing and writing and writing without fear that I would be punished for doing so.

So even if you're a garbage person who likes to hurt people because it makes you feel big and strong and important, think about all this pragmatically. Be totally fucking selfish for a minute. Think about all of the good writing you will never, ever get to read if you destroy the writer's self-esteem when they're still learning. Think about all the people who will never grow. All the beautiful flowers that are being nipped in the bud every day by assholes like you.

And even if someone never gets good, even if they just splash around in stupid ideas and awful prose and incoherent characterization... so fucking what? No one owes you beauty. Sometimes the beauty is just in having fun with what you're doing, and sometimes that's enough.

I am actually extremely relieved that fandom isn't quite as cruel as it was when I was a kid, but I won't pretend that things are perfect now. People still have this weird entitlement to them, like other people in fandom only exist to create things that they enjoy. Like other people only have worth, only matter, if their presence gives you exactly what you want when you want it.

You don't have to like everything that other people make! You don't even have to like them. But come on, now. Let people have fun. And don't act like other people's fun is only valid if it's of use to you.

[siflshonen]

Katsuki Bakugo, I miss you so much.

[wizardnuke]

i am so over today i want to go home. and sleep for a week. fuckin ouch

[enobariasteeth]

yeah yeah supernatural posting whatever but dean winchester is such a tragic fucking character holy shit

[technicolorxsn]

finished gideon the ninth this morning then was busy all day so it hasn't rly Hit Me yet....

[svmjaeyvn]

hidden love, l.hs

synopsis: there were two things that park jongseong reiterated to you growing up.

1: he was the better, funnier, smarter, awesomer sibling and always would be, and 2: you were to never, ever, fall for any guys like his friends, literally and figuratively.

the first was a lie, one you always rolled your eyes at and the second was something 12-year-old you always agreed to without hesitation. but with time, they soon both became a fib from your lips, 14-year-old you coming to the disastrous realization that boys weren't as icky as you once thought and your older brother's best friend had the prettiest smile (when he wasn't being annoying.) as you continued to grow older, those fluttering emotions grew as well, even with him heading off to university it seemed to leave you with a sense of longing, happier than ever when he'd visit.

until you were 16 and he came home with a girl, one that was far prettier than you were able to compete with in your head and nice enough to be a saint. your hopeless, devastating one-sided crush was forced to be swallowed without much pride, though it held no avail until you dramatically decided to never speak to heeseung again. and it worked, ignoring all his calls and texts, avoiding your family home like the plague whenever your brother was home for break if he was visiting, and simply acting entirely clueless in the unfortunate circumstances that you did end up caught by him, chalking it up to dramatic teenage hormones.

once you reached the age of it being your turn to head to college, you signed up for every exchange program possible, leaving you traveling the world for three years that passed with no contact and your once-upon-a-time crush nearly forgotten. that was until you came back home, finally settling to finish uni and all of a sudden you were a kid again, fawning over your brother's best friend who didn't know how to leave you alone. this time though, heeseung didn't see you as that annoying kid who followed jay around, he saw you for you which scared him so much more with how you've grown and nothing was worse than him feeling something for his best friend's off-limits little sister.

featuring: lee heeseung, park jongseong, sim jaeyun, park sunghoon, nishimura riki, kim sunoo, yang jungwon, hanni pham, kim chaweon, yoon keeho, yoon yechan

status: writing. start: 03/30/24. end: tba.

genre: non-idol!au, college/young adult!enha, heeseung x reader, slight age gap (4 years), brothers best friend trope

content & warnings: age gap??? (slightly questionable morality but no romantic feelings or grooming since they end up with no contact for years until adulthood), cursing, drinking, all that jazz, innuendos, sexual humor, suggestive content, possible smut, forbidden relationship, sneaking around, overprotective jay, jay tries to fight heeseung cause duh, crazy exs, stalker mention, slow burn since they're both in denial, heeseung kind of toxic mentality which is forced to be fix, angst but fluffy ending (?)

a/n: based off the cdrama. watched it months ago but shit had me giggling and kicking my feet even if it's cliche. heeseung is so forbbidden older love coded i had to. im trying to make this a oneshot so well see how long it is,,,,,,, the plot will develop from when they were kids to adulthood to provide some background. once the actual romance starts heeseung will be 24 and reader will be 20 (the year will be 2025). all my drafts and writing has been about jake so im branching out (i love my man tho so he'll have his moments here). anyway! lets see how long it takes me to finish up this one

word count: 6k (as of now)

taglist: closed! (86 of you have responded omg)

[giantkillerjack]

❤❤❤ That is so valid.

For me, that line makes me happy in like, a bittersweet way.

Because that is a terrifying concept but also it means we can live freely. It means our lives are fully our own and we are the only ones who can assign meaning to our actions.

It reminds me a lot of my favorite movie, Everything Everywhere All At Once, which posits that "nothing matters and there are no rules" is a terrifying and true statement.

But it then takes this concept several huge steps further and turns it on its ear to ask "Okay but what if nothing matter and there are no rules is actually terrifying, true, and beautiful, all at once? What if we are all in it together and this silly, stupid chaos is its own magic, especially if we can be kind?"

Actually, the more I think of it, the more these two pieces of media have a lot of similar existential themes and messages.

The saddest line in all of Ride The Cyclone in my opinion is without a doubt “there’s no one to measure our foolish pride and no one keeps score of how hard we tried”

[reasonsforhope]

"Democratic Gov. Andy Beshear banned the use of “conversion therapy” on minors in Kentucky on Wednesday, calling his executive order a necessary step to protect children from a widely discredited practice that tries to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity through counseling.

The governor used his executive powers after Republicans who control the state legislature repeatedly blocked efforts to enact a state law banning the practice. Beshear said he would no longer wait for others to “do what’s right.”

“My faith teaches me that all children are children of God,” Beshear said during the signing ceremony at the Kentucky Capitol. “And where practices are endangering and even harming those children, we must act. The practice of so-called ‘conversion therapy’ hurts our children.”

It was the latest action in a national debate over conversion therapy and the rights of LGBTQ+ children and their families.

The Kentucky event stirred many emotions. Activists for mental health and LGBTQ+ rights cheered the governor, but as he prepared to sign the ban, someone nearby shouted, “This is a denial of affirmation therapy!” Supporters drowned out the protest.

Among those in attendance was Zach Meiners, a 34-year-old filmmaker who said he wants young people to be spared the anguish and harm he endured during four years of therapy as a teenager, which caused him “anxiety and depression in ways that I’m still unraveling.”

“I can speak firsthand to how devastating it can be to someone’s mental health,” Meiners said in an interview. “And I consider myself very lucky to be a survivor.” ...

Nearly half the states and the District of Columbia prohibit conversion therapy on minors, Beshear’s office said. In Kentucky, 21% of LGBTQ young people reported being threatened with or subjected to conversion therapy, according to the Trevor Project, a suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people."

-via AP News, September 18, 2024

--

Note: That last paragraph puts in perspective for me just how far we've come, even amongst all the hate. Fifteen years ago, not a single state banned conversion therapy for minors. Ten years ago, only two states banned conversion therapy. As of this law, 24 states now ban conversion therapy for minors, plus DC, with another three having some restrictions on the process.

I remember how amazed and relieved I was, when my state (California) became the second state ever to ban conversion therapy for minor in 2012. Now those protections apply to almost half of the states, and probably well over half the US population (I'm too tired to do the math but blue states tend to have significantly more people.)

They can't close the barn doors on this. It's too late. We're already out the door, and our rights are breaking out alongside us more and more every year.

[yanmuffins]

waiter! waiter! more phineas and ferb reader pls!

I wonder how the batfam would react once they catch reader inventions on a random tuesday, like, "hm, what a nice day to look out on the window and HOLY SHIT WHY IS THERE A GIANT ROBOT SPITING FIRE WHILE RIDING A ROLLERCOASTER IN MY BACKYARD???"

the events that would follow this incident would be funny and exasperating, me thinks

also, wouldn't it be funnier if Perry the Platypus was part of the JL? and like, no one knows his identity but Superman, and neither of them are willing to talk about it-

I know it would be very unlikely, since everyone there would have enough neurons to recognize a platypus with and without a hat, but for the sake of shit and giggles, just think of how funny that would be

welp, I needed to get that outta ma chest, I hope I at least made you laugh a little, because seriously this is one of the best ideas I've seen in this tag and I can't stop thinking and giggling about it

Stay well!

context.

first: i was not expecting this concept to be so popular!! the responses i've gotten from everyone are so amazing!!  ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) thank you for the ask, anon!! it always makes my day.

i am formally announcing that i will be turning phineas and ferb reader into a fic now. it's too good a concept to pass up. something more light-hearted to work between the other fics i'm writing.

batfamily finding out about reader's whacky inventions would be an event. it so wholeheartedly shatters the image they had of reader to the point they just have to sit with what the hell just happened for a while before they even consider what to do about you next. still so many things that don't make sense. their newest case is how the fuck did we go this long without finding out (Y/N) has been building mechas in our backyard and why are those things always gone when it's convenient.

then the realizations just start dropping on them like an anvil on a looney tunes character. and they kinda feel like shit, cause how did they not notice? really puts into perspective how they've neglected you all this time. so many stunts you pulled right under their nose, on their backyard, their garage, throughout gotham and metropolis. ok, were out there being creative and amazing and you sure know how to spend the wayne family money, they'll give you that, but it was so irresponsible of you! who knows what could've gone wrong. you're not like them! you're a civilian with no training, the only regular teenager in the family, you're the last person who should be exposing themselves doing all that.

bruce goes off on you, screaming about how could you be so reckless, you did all of this behind his back– what? what do you mean he gave his permission? and he is floored, devastated, blood pressure up, when you remind him of every instance you dropped by his office with a document for him to sign or to ask for permission, with proof as you pull out every paper he put his signature without a second look.

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is when reader's dynamic with the batfam does a complete 180 and their little yandere antennae start going off. no more whacky cartoonish shenanigans. at least not without proper supervision. they know you're not a fan of this new arrangement, but you gotta understand they let you go unchecked for way too long! they'll drown you in family activities so you don't even have to worry about it. who wants to build a teleportation machine, anyway? just join them for family movie night.

as for perry, that is going to take them a while longer to figure out. bruce just can't stand another insane discovery, so when batman sees an intelligent platypus wearing a fedora and walking on two feet on justice league headquarters (if we're going by the idea that he's a part of JL), he's just going to think "my kid has a pet platypus. huh."

oh, consider:

dick: "damian, you knew all this time?! our sibling could've gotten into serious trouble! why didn't you tell us about this?"

damian: stares into the camera like he's in the office.

[margaritavilla]

something about this picture has me devastated. he was 17 here.

4 years later he’d make it to f1 and a year after that his best friend would join him. 9 years later and they wouldn’t be able to look at eachother, but he’d have the championship.

sometimes i wonder if lewis looks at him now occasionally and sees this nico, the teenager he spent so many hours with, so many late nights, so many hushed conversations.

his name is forever nestled in between lewis’ on the trophy. and this boy would have been overjoyed to hear it.

[the-daily-dreamer]

I will never forgive HOTD for making me sit through TWO Rhaenyra births and TWO Rhaenyra weddings…

But never having us see Alicent’s wedding or births. Scenes that would have forced the fans to confront the true reality of how despicable her situation is. It would force viewers to see a child, devastated, as she walks down the aisle to her creepy old man of a husband. It would force viewers to watch a little girl have a child. Completely unprepared and alone, crying for her mother and finding no sympathy. She has no father to protect her. No mother to guide her and comfort her. No husband who cares about her.

It would force team black to stop seeing her as the evil seductress, for even a moment. And see her true vulnerability. See how she doesn’t, and never did, want this. See how these are not consequences of her actions, but instead the consequences of the men around her that she has to suffer for them. Because they don’t care about her. Viserys doesn’t care about her.

These are scenes that are meant to bring sympathy to her character. To give Alicent a reason to be righteously angry at the family and system that broke her down and stole her childhood. It gives Alicent a valid motive to fight aside from fear. And it takes away the chances for team black to deny her suffering at least a little bit.

Because as the current narrative sits, it’s easy to ignore Alicent’s experience and warp it into a much more pleasant story. They see Alicent “seducing” the king and then she is already married. And then she’s pregnant and the babies magically appear. No screaming or crying or bleeding involved. All is good. The teenager definitely didn’t suffer at all. And by doing this some people can’t sympathize as much or they are given allowances to intentionally not sympathize.

Instead. The current narrative allows for Alicent to be the seductress, the crazed woman, the jealous bitch, and the villain. But if we saw what she actually went through. Alone, scared, suffering, neglected, and holding it all in. We would be allowed to see her as she truly is. The victim. Finally crushing under the weight of it all and lashing out.

(And the narrative would be all the better for it because instead of feminist icon team vs crazy trad wife and co (as far as team black sees it), we would have woman fighting against patriarchal narrative for her own claim vs woman fighting against patriarchal narrative to destroy the people who hurt her)

[lonesomeloved]

do other people think about how music affects them differently at different ages or times in their life like I'm so glad this album came out now so I can listen to it and appreciate it appropriately bc if I would have listened to this in highschool I would have been completely destroyed by it lmao. or is that just me

[paraphwrites]

i think it's interesting that edwin attracts lonely people.

-the cat king has seemingly never had a real substantial relationship. he lives his lives playing tricks and games, not actual connections

-monty literally only ever spoken to one (1) other person, and that's his fucked up mother familiar mommy situationship that he needs, like, so much therapy to unpack

-simon, maybe the only other gay kid in this boarding school, completely isolated from his peers by virtue of his identity and society and shame

-niko, who has been hiding in her room, avoiding other people for months out of grief and something larger (the inherent unavoidable devastation of growing up alone)

-and, of course, charles. charles, who died alone. charles, one of the only non white kids at that boarding school. charles, who's dad didn't love him and who's mom didn't say anything. charles, who flirts with every girl he meets. charles, who would follow him to the end of the earth but won't ever talk about his feelings because he's brills, mate, aces. charles, who spent his entire life alone and now won't spend a minute of his afterlife alone

i dunno. i think it's interesting. edwin, who we know is lonely, attracts other lonely people.

and, not to overstep my bounds as a silly little person on tumblr, but i think it's interesting that the show has attracted a lot of lonely people, too. and i think there's a lot of reasons for that. the target demographic is teenagers & young adults, a notoriously lonely group. the show features a lot of minority characters, which will attract minority audience members, and often people who are a part of a minority feel lonely and different from the people around them. the show is about friendship and found family, and i think that attracts a lot of lonely people. shit, i'm lonely, and i was drawn to this show. yes, for the incredible music and acting and cinematography, but also because the themes are so fundamentally resonant and raw.

and THAT is why dead boy detectives is an important show. because it is a show for the lonely and the grieving and the lost. AND it is a show for the hopeful and the learning and the coping. it is a show for people who have their shit together, and people with no shit together, and people who don't even know their shit is spilt all over the floor. this show MATTERS because it speaks to the fundamental devastation in human existence AND it finds the beauty to celebrate. it says, yes, loss is horrible and life altering, and you will be okay. yes this will be awful but you will carry on. and that is SO important. do you understand how important that is?? because everyone, everyone goes through loss and change and hardships. everyone. it is a show for lonely people! and we're all fucking lonely, aren't we? isn't part of the human condition just being lonely??

dead boy detectives is a show for people wronged by men. it is a show for people coated in grief. for people who are dealing with their sexuality late in life. for people with fucked up parental relationships. for people who date as a distraction. for people who are doing great and just like a silly little ghost show! for people not doing great but trying their best anyway. most of all, it is a show for lonely people.

just. FUCK! this show MATTERS! this show MEANS SOMETHING to SO many people!! including me!!! it matters to ME!!!! and i will continue yapping about it, even if it's just into the void!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chuuyrr]

ᡣ𐭩 WE WERE BOTH YOUNG WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU — NAKAHARA CHUUYA .ᐟ

ᡣ𐭩 CW(s): f! reader, 15! chuuya (initially) but both of you grow up in the end ofc, strangers to friends to lovers trope, fluff with slight angst, inspired by howl's moving castle, not proofread

ᡣ𐭩 SYNOPSIS: in which he loved you since fifteen

ᡣ𐭩 NOW PLAYING: fearless and love story by taylor swift

chuuya made his way through the packed streets, and it didn't take long for his sharp eyes to notice a commotion up ahead. a group of middle schoolers surrounded a lone, young girl, their taunts and jeers resonating through the air.

chuuya's brows furrowed, and his tongue clicked in annoyance at the sight. he always had a low tolerance for those who preyed on the weak, especially when they targeted someone as vulnerable as a middle schooler.

so, with a sigh, he approached the scene at hand, his presence demanding attention as those bullies fixed their sight on him.

"oi, who the hell are you?" one of them snarled, puffing out his chest in a futile attempt to appear threatening as he saw chuuya.

chuuya only smirked at the mere display of threat, his gray-blue eyes gleaming with a menacing glint, "someone who doesn't take kindly to cowards who pick on the innocent."

with that, chuuya began to glow red as he began to manipulate gravity, and the ground beneath the bullies' feet trembled, sending them falling backward in confusion and fear.

you looked up, surprised by the sight of the intriguing figure before you. you had heard stories about the sheep and their leader, but you never expected to meet him in person, let alone in the thick of your own personal turmoil at the time.

it didn't take long for those bullies to flee from the sheep king, terrified for their own lives. if you were in their shoes, you would have done exactly the same. ghe king of the sheep was someone who prowled the streets using his devastating gravity manipulation ability.

you blink quietly in astonishment as the teen's red aura stemming from his ability fades, his ginger locks falling back to frame his face as his gray-blue eyes rest on yours, softening.

"hey, you alright?" chuuya asked, his tone softer now as he turned his attention to you.

you immediately nodded, your voice barely a whisper as you replied, "y-yes, thank you."

as you stood in the dimly lighted alley, your heart was still beating from the previous encounter with the bullies, but you were pleased for his sudden appearance. you would have been done for if he hadn't been around, and your money would have been stolen again.

you couldn't help but look at him in admiration as a smile appeared on his lips, and his smile warmed your heart as he took a step closer, relieving your tension from the previous occurrences.

"err—i couldn't just stand by and watch," he admitted, his sincerity evident in his gaze as he stares at you, "are you sure you're okay?"

you nodded again, feeling a blush creeping onto your cheeks with a shy smile tugging on your lips, "well, i am now. that's for sure.."

his heart skipped a beat at your words, and chuuya realized he couldn't let you slip away so easily, and so he couldn't help but ask.

"so. would, uh, you... would you like me to walk you home?" he cleared his throat.

his sweet gesture sent your heart fluttering. you would never have expected the fearsome sheep king to be thus nice, given how he was usually portrayed as deadly, a force to be reckoned with. perhaps it was a reminder that, at the end of the day, he was not a king.

he was just a teenager, a child—just like you.

warmth spreads through you as you nodded your head in agreement and took his outstretched hand with a growing smile, "sure!"

as chuuya walked you home, he couldn't help but notice your middle school uniform, which served as a sharp reminder of the childhood he never had. his eyes lingered on the familiar scene, a stab of jealousy tugging at his heart as he pondered what it would have been like to go to school like any other child.

despite his envy, he developed a curious attraction. he was drawn to you, intrigued by the innocence and youth that emanated from your being, and despite the difficulties he experienced as the sheep's leader, he just couldn't resist the pull of your youthful vigor, which stood in stark contrast to the darkness that pervaded his life. there was just something.

maybe you were the one who had the ability to manipulate gravity after all, huh?

chuuya couldn't resist the impulse to strike up a conversation with you as you led him through the streets, walking directly by your side on your left as he let you take the sidewalk.

"so, uh, what's it like being a middle schooler?" he inquired, real curiosity in his voice.

you looked up at him, taken aback by his question yet ready to share your experiences regardless.

"it's... alright, i guess?" you said, a faint smile on your lips, "school can be tough sometimes, but it's nice to have friends and teachers who are there for me."

chuuya nodded, his curiosity peaked by your reply, "friends and teachers, huh? sounds like you've got a good support system," he said with a tinge of wistfulness in his tone as he whispered the last part, "must be nice.."

you agreed, a sensation of thankfulness welling up within you, "mhm, but what about you? what's it like being the leader of the sheep?"

chuuya's demeanor softened in response to the question you asked, a mixture of pride and melancholy flickering through his eyes.

"it's challenging, to say the least," he said, his voice laced with emotion, "we may not have much in the sheep, but we look out for each other, no matter what.."

as you were going to continue the talk, you observed a look of surprise on chuuya's face.

"wait... how do you know me?" he inquired, his gray blue eyes narrowing slightly as he watched you with renewed interest.

you blushed, realizing you'd accidentally disclosed your knowledge of him, as you stuttered and tried to avoid any raise of suspicion from him, "i, um, i've heard about you from some friends.. they call you the king of the sheep, but that's all i promise! i don't know much!"

chuuya's expression relaxed, and a soft smile formed at the corners of his lips upon seeing your cute stammer. it was such a sight to be hold. you looked so cute when you were nervous. it made feel some things in his chest.

"i see," he said in an amused tone, "well, i guess it's not every day that the leader of the sheep gets recognized by a (cute) middle schooler."

his response made you less tense now, and you couldn't help but smile again.

"you know, i didn't think you were this.. nice.” you said to him, fiddling with your fingers.

chuuya smiled softly in response to your statement, a touch of amusement flickering in his keen gray blue eyes, "i suppose i'm not always what people expect," he conceded, a contemplative expression crossing his face as he shrugged his shoulders in a nonchalant manner.

you nodded, a sense of admiration rising within you as you saw chuuya in a new light. despite his profound reputation and ability, there was a tenderness and warmth about him that you had not expected.

"well, i'm glad i got to see this side of you, sheep king. it's an honor," you replied, a playful smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

chuuya returned your smile, and a sense of camaraderie grew between you, "likewise," he remarked, his tone sincere, "and who knows? maybe there's more to me than meets the eye."

before you head inside your house after he accompanied you, you turn around to see chuuya, a gleam of curiosity in your eyes.

"by the way, i never really got your name," you admitted, a sheepish smile playing on your lips.

chuuya's lips quirk into a smirk at your question. "ah, right. i'm nakahara chuuya," he replied, his voice warm and inviting to the soul.

"nakahara chuuya..." you repeated, the name rolling off your tongue as you commit it to memory, "thank you for walking me home, and for saving me earlier, chuuya. it was nice meeting you."

chuuya nodded, a sense of contentment settling over him, "of course," he says, his smile widening, "take care of yourself, alright?"

as chuuya turns around to leave, you sense a strong need to follow him. with a racing heart, you catch up to him from your door, reaching out to grab his arm before he disappears off into the night.

"wait, chuuya!" you called out to him, your voice tinged with urgency.

chuuya, taken aback by your unexpected gesture, turns back to face you, his gray-blue eyes widening as you embrace him. his breath catches in his throat, and his cheeks flush with surprise at the unexpected display of devotion.

for a brief moment, the world around you fades away as you cling to chuuya, the sensation of his warmth enveloping you in a soothing embrace. as you eventually pull away, a flush growing across your cheeks, you meet his stare with a mix of shyness and sincerity.

"i know i thanked you already, but i just.. wanna thank you more personally like this," you muttered softly, which made his heart skip a beat.

chuuya's heart just couldn't help but flutter in response to your words, and he reaches out to gently brush a stray strand of hair away from your face.

"anytime," he chuckled, his voice warm and affectionate.

as you return home, the image of his flushed countenance lingers in your mind, leaving you with a smile that lasts late into the night.

the days that followed were a haze for you, packed with the typical schedule of classes and homework from school.

despite the monotony, memories of chuuya persisted in the back of your mind, his surprising kindness leaving an indelible mark on you. you never expected the king of the sheep to be like that. you expected him to be scary just as they had depicted him to be.

"chuuya?" you called out, your voice tinged with curiosity as you approached him.

chuuya turned to face you, a sheepish smile on his lips, and greeted you with a hand on the nape of his neck, "hey, [name]. i, uh, hope you don't mind my waiting for you here.”

you shook your head, a mix of curiosity and excitement coursing through you. "oh, no! not at all. it's just unexpected to see you here. that's all," you said, tilting your head to the side, making his chest feel fuzzy at the sight.

chuuya chuckled softly, "i wanted to, uh, tell you something."

as the talk between you and chuuya progressed in the secluded area near the college gates, you developed a sensation of eagerness. finally, unable to resist your curiosity, you couldn't help but ask, "so, what did you want to talk to me about, chuuya?"

"i've been thinking.." he said, his voice trailing off briefly as he looked for the proper words.

"...i've been thinking that maybe we could spend more time together," chuuya finally continued to his words, his voice becoming more confident as he talked but he stammered, "i've loved our discussions thus far, and i’d like to get to know you better, if that's okay with you.. i-i understand if you don't want to identify yourself with me. i mean, i know i have a reputation for being the sheep kin—"

you couldn't help but feel a rush of delight flowing through you as you blurted out an excited, "of course i don't mind!" which cut him off.

chuuya's smile widened at your response, a warmth flowing through his chest and cheeks, and his freckled face turned pink as he realized you felt the same way.

"r-really?" he asked, his voice full of disbelief but excitement—genuine excitement, "how about we meet up after your classes tomorrow? we could grab a bite to eat or explore the city together. anything is cool with me."

the possibility of spending more time with chuuya piqued your interest, and you quickly nodded in accord.

and so, the next day, as the last bell rung to indicate the end of courses, you eagerly made your way to the specified meeting place where you would meet chuuya. your heart beat with excitement, wondering what experiences awaited you and chuuya as the heels of your shoes thumped against the ground.

as you neared the spot of the meeting place, you noticed chuuya waiting for you, a warm smile lighting up his face. he went forward without hesitation and embraced you tightly, surprising you but filling you with a sense of warmth and comfort.

"hey," chuuya never spoke this softly around anyone else, but you were an exception somehow as he hugged you.

returning the hug, you couldn't help but smile at him. "hey," you exhaled softly, filled with joy at the sight of him.

chuuya released you from his embrace and his touch sent a spark of electricity through as he suddenly took your hand in his, the skin to skin contact making your cheeks even warmer.

"come on, let's go," he murmured, his enthusiasm evident as he led you away from the campus gates.

before you could even question where you two were going, chuuya began sprinting, pulling you along with him as you laughed in surprise and excitement. the wind whipped past you as you sprinted side by side, your surroundings a kaleidoscope of colors and sounds.

as you raced through the streets together, you couldn't help but feel a rush of adrenaline surge through your veins, making you lose yourself in the moment as a smile etched on your lips.

chuuya abruptly came to a halt, his gray-blue eyes flashing with mischief as he turned to face you with a cheeky smirk, "quick, hold on tight."

"wha—?!"

before you could react, chuuya's hands began to glow with a faint, pulsating light, and with a flick of his wrist, he used his gravity manipulation ability as you held onto him, and in an instant, you felt lifted off the earth, weightless and free as you hovered in midair.

surprised but delighted by the sensation, you couldn't help but giggle in glee as chuuya twirled you around with ease, like you were in a ballroom made out of clouds and clear skies.

as you drifted together, floating in midair, you couldn't help but feel a sense of enchantment and wonder surround you.

and when you looked into chuuya's eyes, you felt a flood of emotions surge through you—love, excitement, and a sense of limitless possibility, and as he held you close, his touch, warm, delicate yet firm—that's when you realized you has discovered something genuinely rare too.

a love that defied gravity.

with a giggle bubbling up from within your throat, you couldn't help but wrap your arms around chuuya's neck, holding on to him as you soared over the air together.

chuuya's laughter resonated in the air around you, a sound that warmed your heart, a sound that sounded like bells to your ears, as he held you tight and guided you easily into the air.

buildings and houses went beneath you in a blur with each step, making the world below appear little and inconsequential in comparison to the limitless expanse of the sky above.

as the days went and you spent more time with chuuya, a new sense of joy and excitement entered your life. instead of going directly home from school, you found yourself drawn to his side instead, and chuuya always arrived with a bright smile and a humorous glimmer in his pretty gray blue eyes.

"ah, there she is, my queen of the sheep," he'd remark now, his voice full with warm affection as he greeted you every single time.

chuuya's adorable nickname for you warmed your cheeks, and you couldn't help but feel a flutter of curiosity bubbling up inside you. as the two of you went hand in hand, you looked up at him with a curious gleam in your eyes.

"me? queen of the sheep?" you asked, your tone mixed with amusement and interest as you pointed at yourself.

chuuya shrugged softly, his gaze softening as he looked at you, trying to look and sound casual as he spoke, "you're more than just a friend, alright?"

"how so?" you furrowed your brows, a smile growing on your lips as you felt him squeeze your hand in his.

chuuya leaned closer to you, and said, "you're someone special.. someone who brings light and warmth into my life, just like a queen."

chuuya's remark made your cheeks flush with even more warmth, and a faint giggle escaped your lips as you attempted to conceal your amusement of it.

"wow, chuuya.. i never thought the sheep king could be this pretty cheesy," you muttered softly, unable to hide the cute smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

chuuya laughed along with you, shaking his head side to side as he nudged you playfully in return, his voice filled with a teasing tone "i can't help it if I'm a romantic at heart, ya' know?"

your laughter resonated across the quiet streets as you teased chuuya about his unexpected surge of romanticism.

"but do tell, what's gotten into you, being all romantic all of a sudden, hmm?" you asked, a teasing grin coming over your face.

chuuya shrugged, a sheepish smile on his lips, "i guess spending time with you just brings out the cheesy side of me."

you said, nudging him lightly in return, "well, then. it's nice having my own personal romantic."

chuuya laughed and slung his arm around your shoulders as you continued your leisurely stroll across the city.

but then, it happened.

as the days passed, you were increasingly agitated and concerned when chuuya failed to arrive at your customary after-school meeting place. days turned into weeks real quick.

you waited impatiently each afternoon, scouring the surroundings for any sign of his familiar form, but he wasn't there. you initially tried to dismiss your fears, thinking yourself that he was too busy or preoccupied with something more essential.

he belonged to the sheep, after all. not to you. a fact that you had to accept.

but when the days stretched into weeks with no trace of him, your concern grew into full-fledged anxiety.

and so with a heavy heart, you gradually accepted that chuuya would not be arriving any time soon. the once-vibrant streets way back home felt empty, and the world seemed quieter without him alongside you, and as you walked home alone every day, the weight of his absence sat heavy on your shoulders, as you silently waited for him.

the gods above seemed to have heard your prayers, because he eventually returned, and you found him waiting for you at the normal meeting point after your classes ended one day.

chuuya was dressed in a harsh black suit and formal pants, a white button-up shirt, and black gloves, and your heart sunk at his new look. something had inevitably occurred, and you could tell as the tension hung heavy in the air as you waited for him to speak.

"hey, what happened to you?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

chuuya's gaze was distant, and his expression was instantly replaced by a serious expression as he looked into your eyes, "i had to take care of some business."

you could feel the weight of his words. something had changed, something important enough to dramatically alter chuuya's manner and appearance. he wasn't like this before.

a million questions raced through your head, but you held back, allowing chuuya to disclose what he was comfortable with. the stillness stretched between you, filled with unspoken words and worries, but after what seemed like a lifetime, chuuya spoke again, barely above a whisper.

"look, i’m sorry i haven't been around," he replied, his tone tinged with sadness.

chuuya's arms suddenly wrapped securely around you in a comforting embrace, and you felt a rush of emotions flow through you. uncertainty, anxiety, and, most importantly, genuine concern for him.

his words lingered in your head, each syllable laden with significance, and you couldn't help but feel a shiver of unease at the prospect of what they may imply. chuuya tightened his grip on you, as if seeking relief in your presence.

"i'm no longer a part of the sheep," he admitted all of a sudden after mustering enough courage, "things have changed, and i don't exactly know what's going to happen next."

you felt a knot form in your throat at his disclosure, the weight of his words soaking in as you attempted to grasp the enormity of what he was saying. the notion of chuuya leaving the sheep, leaving behind the only life he had ever known, made you feel uneasy and sad.

but his following comments, stated with earnestness that sent shivers down your spine, troubled you much more, "but listen to me, no matter what happens, promise me you'll wait for me," he pleaded, his voice full of desperation, "okay, [name]?"

you furrowed your brows in confusion, unable to make sense of his request, "wait for you? what do you mean, chuuya?"

"i can't explain it right now, but please, trust me," he begged, his voice barely above a whisper, "promise me you'll wait for me, no matter what. okay, [name]?"

you nodded slowly, a sensation of doom washing over you as you made the commitment, but you couldn't shake the notion that chuuya's words had a deeper significance.

as you stood there, struggling with the weight of chuuya's words and the uncertainty of the future, he unexpectedly moved in and placed his lips to yours in a loving kiss, stealing your first kiss.

for a brief minute, time appeared to stand still as your heart beat in your chest, your mind reeling from the unexpected intimacy of the gesture. his lips were warm against yours, a delicate shiver that sent thrills down your spine and triggered profound feelings within you.

chuuya drew back as fast as it had began, his gaze searching yours for any indication of understanding or reciprocation. the air crackled with tension as you met his eyes—the intensity of the moment hung heavy between you.

"chuuya?" you whispered.

and before you could say anything else, chuuya shook his head, a sorrowful smile forming on the edges of his lips.

"heh, i'm sorry for stealing your first kiss," he said softly, his voice thick with grief, "i just.. i just needed you to know how much you mean to me."

you reached out to him, your fingers quivering as they brushed against his cheek, a wordless gesture of comfort and understanding, and in that moment, words felt unnecessary as you stood together in unspoken affection.

chuuya held you tightly, his lips meeting yours in another delicate kiss, and you felt a rush of warmth travel through your body, lighting a fire deep within. his embrace was firm but delicate, as if he was attempting to express all of his love and longing in that one moment.

but as the kiss continued, you sensed a trace of regret beneath the desire, a tacit acknowledgement of the impending separation between the two of you, and chuuya's grip tightened around you, as if he was attempting to hang on for just a bit longer, unable to let go.

but he had to, and he pulled away hesitantly, his forehead resting against yours as he looked into your eyes with a mix of tenderness and sadness.

"i really wish i could stay," he said, just above a whisper, "but i have to leave."

you felt a twinge of sorrow at his words, the weight of his approaching departure clenching around on your poor heart.

"go where?" you asked quietly as chuuya paused for a minute, his expression anguished as he tried to find the perfect words.

"there are some things i need to take care of," he said, cryptically, "but please know that no matter what happens, i'll always carry you with me.”

tears welled up in your eyes as you saw the depth of chuuya's love and devotion for you, and the fact that he was going weighed hard on your thoughts.

"chuuya, please don't go," you begged, your voice choked with anguish, "you can't just show me a world bigger than us, then just leave."

"i know.." he whispered softly, his gaze never leaving yours, "but i swear, i’ll come back for you. just wait for me. okay? i'll come running, and i'll find you in the future. no matter what."

chuuya unwillingly released you from his embrace with one more kiss, his touch lingering on your skin as if he were imprinting himself on you and refusing to let go, and as he turned to leave, you watched him go with a heavy heart, knowing that a piece of yourself would always be with him.

days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and finally, months into years.

despite your efforts to move on, chuuya's memories did in fact haunt you like a ghost, not just as a reminder, as you stroll through the hallway of your campus as a college student, no longer a middle schooler, you felt the emptiness that time cannot fill, and slowly you have come to realize the truth.

you've outgrown the young girl who waited for chuuya's return, and you wonder if the promise of love you previously held onto was merely a dream.

you remembered sharing your stories about your day at school with chuuya while he told you about the sheep in return, and even life was not always easy, and chuuya was there to console and be your shoulder to lean on during those difficult times.

chuuya would wipe away your tears, hug you, and encourage you as best he could. he would even take you away to an ice cream parlor to soothe your anxious mind, and those fleeting moments left an indelible mark on your heart. he always made sure you came home smiling.

and now, lost in thought, you're wandering through the city streets on your way home from campus. chuuya left seven years ago. he was just fifteen and you were fourteen when you first met, and you still wonder how much he has changed.

suddenly, you feel a light tap on your shoulder. you turn around to see no one which alerted you, but the moment you turn back, you felt like you saw a ghost. the ghost whose memories had always been haunting your mind for years.

he grew his hair long, but those red locks still frame his face the way you remember them, and his gray blue eyes meet yours with such intensity that your pulse skips a beat, sending a rush of nostalgia through your veins, reminding you of how young you were when you first saw each other.

sharper features and cheekbones, a more mature build now dressed in a formal suit, vest, and tie, as well as a coat and hat, and you in a college uniform, different hair and style, but even after time, even if you both were no longer kids, the heart and soul knows and recalls, and will always do.

"i’ve been looking everywhere for you," he says.

you blink, hardly believing it as you utter a soft spoken, "chuuya?"

he steps closer, eyes locked on yours. "you know, i couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he says quietly with a soft chuckle, "of course i had to find you. i needed to know you were okay."

tears well up in your eyes. you never thought you’d see him again, but here he is, right in front of you, like a fever dream.

"chuuya!" you find yourself crying out his name as you run straight into his arms, the same way you would back then whenever you'd see him waiting for you after school.

chuuya reaches out, catching you in his arms, a constant, and gently cups your cheek, "god, i’m sorry i took so long," he says, smiling at you, "but i’m here now, yeah?"

you let out tearful sniffles and hiccups as you held onto him, clinging to the fabric of his shirt, burying your face in his embrace; his ever-present scent mixed with a rich cologne will forever remind you of home; after all, he was your home, and you were finally home after all these years.

"shh, i'm here, i'm here now i'm so sorry, love," he whispers softly against your face, his warm breath bringing warmth and comfort as he hugs you close to his chest, scared you'll slip away from him again.

"i got tired of waiting, wondering if you'd come back, and wondering if you'd forgotten about me.. i thought you were really gone," you sob, unable to breathe through your tears as you pour your heart out to him, "i kept waiting, and waiting, but you never came.." you continue as he rubs your back.

chuuya's heart clenched, and your tears filled him with guilt. he knows how much everything has taken its toll on you, and he knows he has a lot to catch up on and make up for, so he cups your face in his hands, catching your tears with his thumbs as he rests his forehead against yours before capturing your lips in a tender, longing kiss.

a kiss that is no longer a bittersweet goodbye, but rather a lovely hello.

"we were both young when i first you, but time will never allow me to forget you. i love you, and i love you more than ever," he says with such love in his eyes and he finds himself falling in love all over again, falling in love harder even.

and chuuya kisses you for the second, third, and fourth time, keeping the promise of love he made to you back to when you were both young.

ᡣ𐭩 A.N.: for some odd reason, and i swear ya'll. this was all way better in my head but hey it's finally done !! ( ⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄ o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝ ) ♡

ᡣ𐭩 TAGS: @cheriiyaya @atomi-mi @walking-simp @little-miss-chaoss @soleelia @rainbowsalt0412 @tinypuppyparadise @iheart-nana @velvetyvoyage @lilyzenick @hellkaiserinphoenix