#you ever just look at the moon and think of your blorbo?

[siflshonen]

Katsuki Bakugo, I miss you so much.

[eliotbaum]

This is gonna be a weird message and I hope it doesn't put you on the spot (you don't have to answer it at all)! You probably don't remember this (especially since im on anon) but years ago you commissioned me (a small, unknown artist) to draw your characters from Heart of Gold and it made me incredibly happy. But to this day I feel bad thinking back to what I delivered. I gave it my all but it just wasn't a good commission and I just wanted to get it off my chest that I'm really sorry about it! You were one of my fav artists even back then and I still wish I had had the skill to do your work justice. (You were nothing but nice about it though and this really isn't meant as a guilt trip! It's just been on my mind for so long 😅)

Oh!! I have never received a commission I wasn’t over the moon with so I couldn’t recollect which comm you’re talking about! But aaaah please don’t be so hard on yourself anon artist 😭 and no need to apologize! I am sad to hear that after all this time you’re still bothered by what you delivered, but I also completely understand. I’ve delivered commissions/work that I later on was dissatisfied with. But how we perceive what we do and what the commissioner/client in the end receives and views through their pink-tinted blorbo loving glasses is often worlds apart. Maybe there is always some trepidation when it comes to another artist commissioning you, but I don’t look for mistakes when I receive art. I’m just happy to see my guys and gals in another style 😌

What matters is that you gave everything you could at the time and that already means a lot to me. If you’re ever up for it and want to give it another shot, feel free to write me privately and I can see if there’s something I’d like commissioned again 👀

[the-apocrypha]

3, 22, 26?

3. How would you describe your writing style? 

Uh. Functional. Highly functional. Occasionally I strive toward the slightly poetic or prosaic, and I feel like my own tendency toward dry humor will come out from time to time, but otherwise I think it's pretty… basic. 

(The more literary answer is that my style is highly reflective of my history of pretty much only ever writing within the bounds of fanfiction. While there are obviously exceptions, there tends to be a lot of homogeneity amongst fanfiction writing style, for a lot of reasons, including (1) You tend to write what you read, and (2) People generally turn to fanfiction for literary comfort food. While a House of Leaves or an On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous is nice on occasion, we are mostly here to straight torture or sexify or cuddle our blorbos and we don’t want to beat around the bush. It is in no way a bad thing! It’s actually kind of cool, from a literary perspective, because it's genuinely recognizable. Like the Scholomance trilogy! They are good, but you can tell by page two that this person absolutely cut their teeth on fanfiction. So, I am a product of my experiences.)

22. What is it about watching the same two idiots fall in love over and over again? 

See above: comfort food. 

Long answer: for me, I am a person who does not instantly attach to characters. I rarely enter fandoms that are based around a single book or movie, and greatly favor comics/television/series because it lets me spend a lot of time with characters and my affection for them can really take root and grow. Fanfic is just the next natural extension of that. I am very much a person who finds a Happy Button and then wants to mash the Happy Button ad nauseum until it breaks. I listen to the same album on repeat for three months. I just discovered Tim Tams and have bought a box a week for the last four months. And when I settle into a fandom, I want to see my blorbos having nice things over and over and over and over again. :D 

26. What would you describe as OOC?

Oof this is a tough one! I think characterization is such a personal thing that it’s impossible to define that. I definitely have opinions on things that I read, on whether they’re in/out of character, but the beautiful thing about fandom is that we are all casting prisms of the same characters and what is out of character for me may be in character for someone else! So, eh. 

I will say that I feel like any time I start writing for a new fandom, my first fic or two will always feel a little rocky in characterization. Once I’ve written more and developed a more nuanced and consistent concept of the characters, I usually look back on the early stuff and go woof. Sandman has been no exception to this. (Fond wave at fly me to the moon. You’re not completely terrible.)

(for the writers ask meme)

[youtry2replaceurself]

figured out i can just. not go to PE class. it'll make my grade shit but oh well. during that time, i wrote oc lore in the room that the. the school has the weird therapist people .yea

sooooo,.... a lot of these are actually characters i dug up from their graves so yeaa :3 and keep in mind i wrote this in 45 mins

So!! I SHOULD be at PE right now but I’m at guidance because I’m allowed to be here instead of risking panic attacks every day. I love the quiet here so so so much but that’s irrelevant. I need to talk about Comet, Maple, Lizard and Sonder. The last two I am currently developing by marinating them in my head <3

I made the first two guys two or three weeks ago and I love them. I love these little guys so much!! They are amazing and wonderful but I dont know what to do with these little sillies! I was just mindlessly drawing them, and I realized. Oh, shart. I gotta make lore for m,My blorbos! My children! i CREATED them.

Lizard was made in 5th grade, and Sonder is just a funny little word I found out about and I love it very much and it would be nice for a nightwing as a name

I was previously going to make Comet a Silk-Night hybrid that could see futures and went insane over it, but I love them too much for that. So Comet is a Silk-Rain hybrid whose brother is Maple. I will give these siblings the best little life in my mind and on wattpad and tumblrf

Lizard was originally a Silk-Rain as well, but I gave him supercool superstrong basic rainwing abilities and i thought that was too much for him so i put Lizard in superhell and added that he never went through metamorphosis. I forgot about Lizard so either I’ll dig him up from his grave or give that wingless concept to Maple. Not Comet. Comet’s wings are too pretty <3

Realized i need to take a shower, feel bad for people in te room .which is nobody, it's quiet and amazing and i love it here and i suddenly love the sun and i love everything and i

I’ve also had no idea what to do with Sonder lmao. Literally some guy i made in 5 minutes for a scratch game. Nvm screw Sonder I’ll think abiut them later (tomorrow, or in 5 days( (which is never if i say 5 days)

I’m trying to remember my other blorbos from the same time I made Lizard. I made these guys during 4th or 5th grade and put them on WATTPAD. a WATTPAD story about JADE MOUNTAIN and the prologue had a really gruesome death woahh??

Caribou was a mud-ice. Skipper was just silkwing

I lvoe silkwings/

Imm getting high off the thoughts of my ocs holy crap i never thought this would ever happen to me,. I thought i only had, like 2 ocs but no i cant even count them woahh??. Woahh thate another “woahh??”

Caribou was just another Clay i’m pretty sure. Without the cool parts i mean, just hungrya

constantly

ouhhhh 22 minutes until i have to leave this place. Social studies sounds like hell today but we get to do gimkit so im not compaliaining

 I came here to develop lore what am i doing !!?????

OK> SO what. someone gave me gumym bears what in the three moons. There’s 4 in this bag. Look how they massacred by boy

GREEN ANDYELLOW ONLy?? WOW.

Im scared because maple is another kinkajou oh my god he CANT be pink and yellow..o. I need to mak him mean <3 BUT I LOVE HIM I CANT!

Comet. What about Comet. Ok lets see what i can do for my sillies! Chart time. List time i  ean ?

COMET

RainWing and SilkWing hybrid

They have venom but they can’t shoot it that far

Stole their scarf from Maple but he doesn’t care

Nicknamed “marshmallow” by Maple

MAPLE

RainWing and SilkWing hybrid

More prominent RainWing features but still really fluffy and cuddly

Never went through metamorphosis for some reason so didn’t get wings

Like a big cat!

Like a big teddy bear omfg

Doesn’t know how to hug people but still loves hugs

^^^ tries to hug, basically tackles

Gives surprisingly terrible advice, will tell you to kill your enemies without hesitation

Based on one of my dogs (Ruby <333) bc shes a big goof and jumps on people to “hug” them and I love her so much. Full of whimsy despite the horrors <3

CARIBOU

MudWing and IceWing hybrid

More like a MudWing, just has antlers and white+pale brown fur

Paws? Why tf not actually

Neither fire breath or ice breath. carbon breath

She lost her sib group in a war (deer, cinnamon, and everglade. Might write stuff for them later idk)

Also was the bigwings of their group

Basically adopted her winglet as a new sib group at jade mountain

Really likes history, spends a lot of time in the library + will talk about it at any chance she gets

DUSKSEER

Nightwing mf idk

can see futures and goes insane over it and bothers everyone about everything

Can also read minds, will start drama over it for funsies. And ruins friendships

Short and Puntable

bitch

She will fight anyone and anything

Might fight god and die trying

LIZARD

Yet another RainWing and SIlkWing hybrid

But no SilkWing parts other than antennae

Close bond with Maple

Also never grew wings

Reads a lot, does so a lot with Duskseer and theorizes with her

^^^ Maple comforts him over being wingless because he also never got wing

^^^ Maple actually treats him like a brother, Lizard HAS cried over it before

Based on my other dog, Finn. Older fella and often very grumpy but can tolerate (cannot be without for 5 mins) a handful of specific people

Terrifying what a hyperfixation can do to you .what have i done

[shirajellyfish]

Looked down earlier and I forgot Polichinelle who I've had for. At least 25 years?? Has been hanging out with the blorbos ever since they came here djdhd : )))

You know that made me realize-- I forgot if living dolls grow??? I remember the old woman's baby doll, and a dog, and a doll as tall as the kid she belongs to, but I don't remember if they actually grow bigger or if Nessa would have had to lug around 2 huge porcelain clowns.

Which makes me think-thonk even more about if she did it completely of her own volition

Anyway 3 cute clowns hanging out : )

A clown! I'm glad I'm not the only one who's living space is infested by at least one weird clown and/or jester doll haha. The blorbos are in good company :)

Okay the thought of little 3 year old Vanessa struggling to lug around two massive fully grown human sized porcelain jesters is absolutely hilarious. I'll have to shatter your dreams though- there's a quick line in chapter 1 (easy to forget) that mentions dolls usually get bigger when they come to life. Inanimate Sun and Moon were like... maybe 12 inches (30 cm??) tall haha.

Somewhere out there in the infinite AUs, there is a Vanessa with incredibly strong muscles from lifting giant dolls every day all through her childhood... and another universe where the plot is the same but Sun and Moon are exactly 1 foot tall... Both equally funny.

(Actually, befriending tiny doll sized dolls does actually sound like a fun story idea... just not one that works with this story)

[sabrondabrainrot]

Sun is technically the first animatronic most of the family have met. (Watch as I give shoddy examples and argue my way into convincing you to see only my truth.)

Old Moon first met Sun in the daycare mirror. (also the reverse for Sun) Sun, quite literally, is the first person Moon meets. It makes sense why they're so important to each other. It's sad it was with the circumstances they had.

Lunar when he first came to as a new AI, he met Sun (I think Lunar did meet Eclipse in the mind scape first?) while in control of Moon's body for the first time. Sun has quoted Lunar's first words on multiple occasions. It's actually a running gag to everyone's confusion but the audience's. Tickle cuttlefish 27, I'm gonna kiss your dad. Baby's first words. (I think I might have remembered the quote wrong)

Eclipse as we know used Sun's eyes to see so he like Old Moon met him by looking at an old worn mirror. I actually am not sure if I would argue Sun was the first being he met but Eclipse did gain sentience in his mind. He talks about how he knows Sun in and out so idk Imma argue Eclipse saw Sun's inner thoughts for the first time. (Eclipse did him so dirty)

For Solar, I'm theorizing when he comes back Sun might be the one to pick him up? (Eclipse did say he thinks Solar would like to probably be greeted by a friendly face) so high brain theory moment but when Solar gets his dimension signature changed to the main dimension I think Solar will most likely meet Sun first?

Bloodmoon's intro is pretty confusing but after meeting Eclipse for the first time he did go on a murder spree and then evacuate himself out Sun's body (so wouldn't he have seen him? Doing leaps of logic) Like...Sun's his first introduction into the world. (It's SO SAD I think the kids at the daycare dying from Sun's hands is the SADDEST THING EVER, Bloodmoon did everyone so dirty.)

Earth found Sun first too. She met him when he was at his lowest in a literal crater caused by himself (Eclipse did trick him but that crater is so badass). He was having the biggest breakdown of his life and Earth just approached him so calmly and held him. I adore their first ever meeting to BITS. It's such a defining moment in the show for me. New Moon, when Old Moon resent the first person to meet New Moon was Sun. Hee Hee. Sun having another emotional breakdown as he meets a baby AI in his brother's shell. It's not even the first time that's happened to Sun but man. New Moon was so giddy poor thing (praying for Nexus) he was so hyped they were brothers man.

Was Frank's first meeting with Sun too? It's pretty interesting to think of.

Rambles about Dazzle how she watched Sun from the start teehee I love that she watched him so much she could perfectly clean to the point no one noticed her. Dazzle supremacy.

Also Jack didn't start showing sentience until he basically almost accidentally killed Sun's cats. He went out of his way to appease those cats and called them his masters and brought them treats. I think that was his first earliest acts of sentience and even that had something to do with Sun.

If I missed anything please let me know (I crave the Sun content)

anyways this is just the crazy rambles of a Sun simp. I bet this has been said before but I just wanted to ramble cause Sun is my bookie. Can't stop rambling about my blorbo. He's special to me~

👉👈

Also got my root canal today it was traumatic and horrible but went well. I wanted a hug after and didn't get it but at least my mom took me to the fabric store. I was very brave today. (also been literally typing this spiel since this morning)

[stargatebarbie]

Getting to Know You Meme

Tagged by @spurious 😊

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? Yes! 7 years this November

02) What was your dream growing up? I wanted to be a psychologist for a long time but tbh glad I didn't end up doing that I am not suited to it

03) What talent do you wish you had? It'd be cool to have an idetic memory. Or even just like, a good one. My memory is shot lol

04) If someone bought you a drink what would it be? I could really use a proper coffee rn

05) Favorite vegetable? like good cherry tomatoes. the home grown kind. Or maybe potatoes

06) What was the last book you read? I'm currently reading Dungeon Meshi! I'm really enjoying the anime and decided to pick up the manga, just finished the first volume

07) What zodiac sign are you? Cancer 🦀

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Yeah ears stretched a little, I think they're only 1cm & septum piercing. I haven't gotten around to getting any tattoos atp, shit's expensive, but I absolutely want them

09) Worst Habit? stealing all the cups and forks in the house

10) What is your favorite sport? not to be a stereotype but I don't really do sport. ig hockey?

11) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? naturally pessimistic but i really try to like. practice optimism

12) Tell me one weird fact about you. one time I was locked in a bathroom with a goat

13) Do you have any pets? Yes! A cat named Moon :)

14) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Scary for sure. I blame my mum she hung a clown puppet in my room as a baby

15) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? boy howdy would I love a breast reduction

16) What color eyes do you have? grey/blue

17) Ever been arrested? No but I have been detained for like. safety reasons oop

18) Bottle or can soda? Bottle i suppose? I don't really drink a lot of soft drink though

19) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? probably fund my move out of state

20) What's your favorite place to hang out at? home tbh. or the beach when it's not too crowded or cold

21) Do you believe in ghosts? No, to almost a cartoonish degree. I saw a ghost as a child & I still don't believe in them

22) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? any of my 8 million art/crafts/creative hobbies (currently mostly crochet, tatting, & drawing) & binge watching tv

23) Do you swear a lot? Ohhhh yeah. not only am I Australian, I'm from mining country

24) Biggest pet peeve? People being willfully inconsiderate of others in public spaces. trolley parked across the isle, tiktoks with no headphones on the bus, talking on the phone at the cash register, that sort of garbage

25) In one word, how would you describe yourself? um. weird?

26) Do you believe/appreciate romance? Yeah but like. I suck at it lol

27) Favourite and least favourite food? fave: potato bake & least: sausages

28) Do you believe in God? Nope lifelong athiest

29) What makes you happy: hanging out with my cat, rotating the blorbos in the brain microwave, finishing a project (in theory), and uhhh I'm replaying totk with my gf right now that's pretty great

30) Currently listening/the last thing you listened to: listening to a country & folk playlist, folsom prison blues just came on shuffle

31) Favourite place to spend time: uh yeah home

32) Favourite lyric: truly i hate to choose favourites there are so many um. okay

I'll be the jester as long as you are my queen Make a fool out of me I wanna be the source of your laughter

33) Recommend a film: I almost never watch movies uhhh. I recently forced my gf to watch the Birdcage with me bc she'd never seen it, it's so good

34) Recommend a book: Peter Darling by Austin Chant my beloved. Also I'm reading Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke rn and I'm really enjoying it if you work in an office and have slack or similar then I highly recommend especially

35) Recommend a band, a song, or album: Stick Season by Noah Kahan is just SUCH a good album

36) Recommend a TV show: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - great for lovers of musical theatre and/or the mentally ill 😌

37) Where are you from, and do you still live there? Where have you lived? I'm from Queensland and currently live in Tasmania. I've moved back and forth between QLD and TAS a few times, and plan on moving to Melbourne eventually

38) Do you have any pets or animals in your life? How did you find/get them? The aforementioned cat, I got him from a shelter & they got him from a dumpster <333

39) What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? during a drinking game I once took a shot that included; soy sauce, fish sauce, Worcestershire sauce, vodka, a warhead (sour lolly), fanta, and probably some other stuff I'm not sure I was very drunk and 18 year olds should not be unsupervised with that much alcohol bc they'll invent the world's worst drinking games

40) How did you 'find' fandom? A friend of mine sat me down in front of her family computer in their bible library (not a joke, whole library of bibles & Christian religious texts) & said hey. have you heard there are people on the internet who write stories about these two guys from this one series kissing? and I was immediately hooked lol

41) Make a list of 5 things that you see without getting up. work laptop (bc I am on the clock oops), personal PC, crochet project, calcifer plush, & my cat glaring at me from my computer tower bc I wouldn't let him sit on my keyboard

42) How do you style your hair? Well it was a mullet but it's super grown out now so it's more of a shag & I mostly just chuck it in a bun or something. I desperately want to shave it but it's so cold, idk maybe I'll just make a few beanies & buzz it anyway

If you want to join in please consider yourself tagged! 💖

[pedrospookie]

✨show your blorbos✨

make a post showcasing all of your blorbos and then tag some friends to do the same!!

thank you for the tag @slimybeth69 !!

I am embarrassed to admit that I had to google what the word blorbo meant 😅 please forgive me if I miss the mark LOL

My first and the nearest and dearest to my heart—

Olive Hoover, Little Miss Sunshine

This was the first time I ever saw myself on tv or in film— an awkward looking girl who just wanted to be a kid with big dreams. I wish that I had had people like her mom, uncle and brother in my corner to protect me from the harsh words and ideals of the world and to let me be a kid just a little bit longer.

Edwin Hoover, Little Miss Sunshine

Writing this is going to make me cry— Grandpa Hoover, and his relationship with Olive, was identical to my grandpa. Kinda rough around the edges, a colourful blue collar man who said what he thought. He was also my best friend and biggest supporter. I was his sun, moon and stars and he was mine. He died rather unexpectedly a couple of years ago and when that happened something also died a little bit in me. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but I think his loss is something I will never recover from. I love watching this movie and getting to live in that world again for just a moment, it’s almost like getting to spend some time with my own grandpa again. I listen to Grandpa Hoover’s big speech before every major audition or competition because I know it’s similar to the words my own grandpa would say. I miss him a lot, every single day. He was my safe person, my best friend.

Mike Wazowski, Monsters Inc.

My dad and I have a running bit that I’m Mike and he’s Sully and whenever I’m home, we always reenact the “put that thing back where it came from” bit after dinner.

Cartoon Lizzie McGuire, Lizzie McGuire

I still pretend that there is a cartoon version of myself that narrates my life.

Joel Miller, The Last of Us

This son of a bitch won my heart ages ago when I first played through the video game (and that love PISSED OFF my then (shitty) boyfriend). Now that the love of my life, Pedro, plays him in TLOU, it’s just a win-win-win in my book. I will always be a Joel apologist. Plus, I get to listen to him say my name over and over and over again 😇

Lock, Shock & Barrel, Nightmare Before Christmas

NBC has been one of my favourite movies since I was a small child and these crazy lil fuckers always make me laugh. i love their cheekiness, their whimsy and their chaos.

Delia Deetz, Beetlejuice

I am a lover of Catherine O’Hara and while Delia is batshit crazy, she makes me feel seen as a fellow artist.

Moira Rose, Schitt’s Creek

In that same vein of Delia Deetz, I fucking love Moira Rose. As a proud Canadian, when Schitt’s Creek hit the scene it filled me with so much joy. Canadian Actors, Canadian sets and locations, and Canadian humour. This is my favourite show and I always go back to it. Moira’s pep talk that she gives Stevie backstage before opening Cabaret always makes me cry. While she is known for her one liners and outrageous behaviour, there are some moments that just make you fall in love with her. Another one that stands out to me is when she takes Alexis to the bar in the next town over and gives her real, kind advice when Alexis is struggling with her feelings for Ted.

[valkyurii]

YOU THERE!

What are your opinions on Loretta, knight of the Haligtree?

BIG WOMEN STRONG WOMAN THROW ME OVER YOUR SHOULDER AND CARRY ME HOME KIND OF WOMAN 💪

I love Loretta, kight of the Haligtree and honestly think she is super underrated, not only as a character, but also as a boss fight. She’s so fun to fight and is definitely one of my favourite bosses in the game. This is why I love the Haligtree in general. It’s home to two of my favourite blorbos (and technically a third one too. rip little mickey, in my head you are safe and sound at home god bless)

One thing I do wish was different with her though is her boss music. I get that it’s a big game with a lot of reused bosses and assets, but I do wish she had her own theme. But hey that’s a minor complaint really. At least it’s a banger of a theme

She also has such a cool design and the blue and sliver aesthetic is A+. I actually love how it contrasts with Malenia’s red and gold. Like the sun and the moon.

Just look at her 👀

That’s a whole woman right there. She’s actually quite a bit taller than Malenia too which is something that I like very much for reasons

Love her lore too, both the final version and the cut one. I actually quite like the idea of incorporating them both together and like to think that Radagon did gift her to Miquella as a loyal knight who would protect the Haligtree and it’s citizens. But also while she was there she asked Miquella if she could venture out to find and help guide the Albinaurics to this sanctuary he had built. With the Haligtree being relatively well hidden for its own safety it would be difficult for people to find it on their own. So Loretta, possibly with the help of some cleanrot knights, head out on a mission to find and lead the Albinaurics home. I like the idea of Loretta first being sent to the tree with very little expectations, only to see Miquella’s hard work and dedication first hand and think actually yeah, this place would make for a good safe haven for those in need of sanctuary. Over the years her respect and dedication for Miquella only grew stronger and even after he is gone she still remains, as steadfast as ever, to protect what’s left of her home. We talk a lot about how loyal and dedicated Malenia is to Miquella, but I think it’s worth noting that Loretta is also faithful to him and his cause. So much so that she hasn’t abandoned the place or given up on him even in his absence.

In conclusion, I think she’s pretty neat and definitely deserves more love 🙂

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

do we get to kiss the narnia au blorbos 👀 how does our relationship with them develop throughout the course of the story? how does it start with both sun and moon and how does it end up? any significant trouble spots you can hint at without spoilers (unless you dont care abt spoiling!!)

and also i forgot if you already pointed this out somewhere but is there an aslan character? if so, who?

*inhales*

THANK YOU

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TALK ABT THIS

okay. SO:

Yes, you probably will get to kiss the narnia blorbos...probably. Thing is, I'm not really good at developing romance plots (mostly cuz my brain never actually goes that far in planning and I always get caught up in leading events), but yes, I'm hoping I can actually get that far.

In terms of development...? Definitely Sun first, simply because he falls hard the second he meets you. Unfortunately, it's less because of you and more because of his past with humans and how scarce they are. You're the first human he's ever actually been able to talk to, you're there and you're real, and he doesn't want to let go of that. And it gets even better when he realizes that you like him too; after all, why else would you keep coming back to this dull and dreary world? He hasn't talked to anyone in a long time, and he doesn't want to give that up so soon, and of course, he has to protect what's his, doesn't he? Yes yes yes,especially in a world as dangerous as this one! He feels a strong need to protect you, especially after you meet Moon, who has a...slightly less pure love for you.

(Keep in mind, by the way, that Sun can be just as dangerous as Moon should he choose to be.)

Moon is definitely interested in you upon meeting you, but for...other reasons. He hasn't seen a human around in a long time either, or at least, not one who's lasted so long without his notice. Sun's lucky that Moon looks out for him, or the White Witch would surely punish them both for not handing them over. Thankfully, Moon is there to correct Sun's grave error by collecting the human himself! He hasn't had a new charge to tend to in a while, after all.

The Stone Garden is quiet up on the hill.

Moon does find you sweet and charming in your own little way, and he likes you, but like Sun, he wants to keep you for himself, and so he tries to convince you to take up his offer on visiting the Stone Garden and stopping by sometime, he's sure you'd like it, and he could protect you so well, just like all his other silent charges. You're so fragile, and fragile things need to be protected, yes yes, that's his job, the silent protector. And you're on board with it, too! Sure, he hasn't specified how long your visit would be, but you didn't seem to mind, none of his charges did in the end, or else they would surely say something about it. Every time he tries to take you, though, something pops up, and you leave him behind. Someday, he thinks, someday he'll have you all to himself.

Anything that could get you in trouble...? Well, a lot of things, actually, not that you really seem to mind. You find a good deal of interest in this world and its inhabitants, and they're all so friendly. Fortunately enough for everyone keeping a lookout for you, your obliviousness keeps you blissfully ignorant of all that goes on in the woods, and everyone is free to conspire as they wish. A few words of advice Moon's charges could have given you if they could voice them, however:

Trust no one.

Do not test the Dark Moon.

Beware the White Rabbit.

Avoid caves.

Don't eat anything offered.

Leave while you still can.

As for Aslan....

*laughs nervously*

weeeeelllll, someone suggested it being Michael, but the image of Freddy as a literal god was just to hilarious not to include, so I left it at that. Unfortunately I don't know much game lore regarding Michael (I really gotta do some research when I have the time), but I'd probably include him in Aslan's army as one of the people who escaped before Afton rose to power. After that, none of Aslan's followers were able to leave on account of being trapped in ice, and most of them were swiftly dealt with.

[thornwolfy235]

WIP 5 - Panic Attack

I'm going to post a bunch of WIPs in a row now. maybe with a little feedback I'll get the gumption to finish one of them.

A bit of info on them first. I wrote all of these in an effort to deal with an exceptionally bad break-up (might as well call it a divorce, we lived together for 6 years). A lot of these are "how it should've gone" type stuff. I was never able to decide if they should be a full chapter by chapter "novel" or just a bunch of oneshots within the same universe and make a collection of them in order or whatever. Maybe I'll drop them to Ao3 as well. They are all xfem!Readers with my blorbos Grillby and Gaster (though most have no anatomy mentioned, so you can safely read no matter what gender you are). I'd appreciate a glance through if nothing else.

Here is the actual start to Grillby and Reader's realationship. And of course it starts with trauma and angst. But turns fluffy. Because I needed it.

CW: panic attacks, thoughts of self-harm but no follow through

You were spiraling, your thoughts spinning out of control. Anxiety over your mother’s health, stress from work, grief that never seemed to lessen…It was too much. Everything was too much. It was building up inside you, making your throat close up. You struggled to breath. You had to let it out, but there was so much inside you, an infection that had crept into every part of you and had festered and rotted so deeply that there was no easy way to root it out anymore. You stared at the kitchen counter even as your eyes blurred with tears. There were knives there, clean and sharp. A razor would be better, but you didn’t keep them around for this exact reason. But knives could work, too. They could open you up so the pressure could release, they could cut out the rot. You trembled. That was a bad thought, tempting but dangerous, could go wrong too easily. Your gaze shifted to the refrigerator. There was wine in there, some nearly untouched bottles. You didn’t drink often, maybe a glass once per blue moon, and more for the occasional taste than for the effects of the alcohol. It sometimes ended up in your cooking when you were feeling ambitious. You knew too much could mix badly with your medication. You had gotten lucky the last time you drank, when your ex had left you teetering alone on the edge of a panic attack just like this one. You had downed nearly an entire bottle in one go and passed out. You had done it because you hadn’t wanted to hurt yourself that time either, and had decided alcohol-induced unconsciousness was safer. Now at the same precipice, maybe it would be safer that way again.

You reached out and touched the fridge’s handle before forcing yourself to pull your hand back. You looked at the counter, at the black handles and shiny blades lined up neatly in their holder. “Bad…bad thoughts,” you muttered. Still staring at them, you reached into your pocket and took out your phone. Your hands shook violently as you dragged your attention to the screen, opened the call app, and then stared at the list of contacts. Who did you think you were going to call? You needed someone here, someone to hold you, ground you, talk you down, but your parents were out of town for your mom’s surgery, and your bestie didn’t live near you. Any geographically closer friends were probably asleep at this hour, and besides, you weren’t sure if they knew how to handle someone on the verge of a panic attack. You didn’t think they’d want to, anyways. You couldn’t burden them with your stupid issues. You weren’t worth it. You were so useless, you couldn’t even handle your own dumb emotions. You were broken, you always had been. Why ask someone else to try to fix you when you knew it was impossible?

You touched Grillby’s cell number, watched as the screen change to the calling icon. Why were you doing this?  He had told you to call if your ever felt unsafe, and you definitely did not feel safe right now, but this hadn’t been how he meant it. Calling about this…you were only going to annoy him. He didn’t want to hear about your problems. He wouldn’t want to be friends with you anymore if he knew just how screwed up you were. The call connected. You heard a faint, business-like “good evening” come from the speaker that was nowhere near your ear. “I-I���m so-orry,” you choked out.

You were about to hang up the call when you heard Grillby say your name. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Even though you could barely hear him, the worry was evident. Reluctantly, you brought the phone to your face, but when you tried to speak, a harsh sob came out instead. There was the sound of wood scraping against wood. “What happened?” he asked in a tone that, while not angry, demanded a real answer from you.

“I-I…I don’t thi-ink I should be alone r-right now,” you said, clenching your hand into a white-knuckled fist as you fought to keep from breaking down completely.

“Are you safe?” A door opened and closed in the background. “I d-don’t know…m-mostly? I-I think I’m a-about to have a-a panic at-t-tack,” you stammered. You wished you could speak clearer, but the nervous energy you were shivering with made it impossible.

“Where are you?” His voice sounded different, and you realized it was because he was outside.

“I-I’m sorry, I sh-shouldn’t have bothered you,” you said quickly only to be cut off.

“No, you did the right thing to call someone.”

“B-but the pub –”

“Is closed.” There was the sound of a car door opening and shutting. “Where are you?” he asked again.

“…H-home.”

“And where is that?” he prompted. You gave him your address. An engine started, and the quality of his voice changed once more. “I’ll be there in ten minutes, okay? I’m going to stay on the phone with you.”

“D-don’t…Y-you’ll get in tr-trouble…can’t d-drive while on the phone.”

“I’m on speaker. It’s okay,” he said gently, patiently. “You’ve had panic attacks before, I take it. Do they happen often?”

“U-us-sed to a lot…th-then got m-meds and therapy for it…s-stopped seeing th-therapist after learning to handle this-is better…” Your throat tightened suddenly, as though trying to prove you wrong.

“Keep talking. You’re doing good. Are you still taking that medication?” The strangling feeling subsided a little bit at the sound of Grillby’s voice.

“Y-yeah, ’s why I do-on’t drink,” you said. Answering his questions was keeping you focused, which was preventing you from fully shutting down. Did he have experience with this sort of thing?

“Good. You’re taking care of yourself. That’s very good. What is the medication for?” You didn’t want to answer, afraid he’d realize just how stupid and weak and damaged you were. “It’s alright. I won’t judge you or tell anyone else, I promise. What is it for?” he said as though he could read your mind.

You whimpered, still scared, but you heard yourself say, “Dep-pression a-and anxiet-ty. I-I was getting bet-t-ter, I had b-been better. Then it got re-eal bad again. I-I’ve been trying t-to find a new th-therapist, but it’s s-s-slow going.”

He made a soft, sympathetic sound. “I’m so sorry. That’s a hard combination to deal with, but I’m glad you have been seeking help with managing it. When did this start happening again?”

“A-after…after h-he…” You couldn’t bring yourself to talk about your ex. It made your stomach churn. You tasted bile at the back of your throat. “It’s okay, I understand. You don’t have to talk about him. Try to breathe slowly and relax. I’m almost there. Just hang on for a little bit longer. Can you go wait by the door to let me in?”

You tried to answer, but instead began coughing. You ran to the sink, anticipating throwing up, but ultimately just hacked up a small wad of bile that you spat down the drain. It was better than full-on hurling, but still left an awful taste in your mouth. The strain had made the tears start, leaving hot trails down your cheeks. God, why were you such a fuck-up? You couldn’t even keep your shit together for ten stupid minutes. Just another failure to add to the list. That’s all you were, just a string of –

Your name was practically shouted into your ear, startling you into almost dropping your phone. “Can you hear me?! Answer me, please!” Grillby’s voice was being undercut by the roar of…flames? You hadn’t heard that before now…

“I-I’m,” you coughed again, but thankfully nothing came of it, “M’here.”

He muttered something you couldn’t make out. “Okay, okay…You’re alright…Listen, I need you to focus for just a little longer, okay?”

“I-I’m sc-scared,” you whimpered.

 “I know. But you’re going to be okay. I’m just a few minutes away. You’re being so brave right now.”

“M’not bra-ave.” A hiccupping sob punctuated your last word. “Stupid a-and scar-red.”

“You’re not stupid. You called for help when you knew you needed it. That’s smart. And you are brave.”

“I’m w-weak. I ca-an’t handle my own sh-shit by mys-s-self.” The tears came harder, faster.

“That doesn’t make you weak. You’re not weak for being overwhelmed. You’re strong for reaching out. You don’t have to go through this alone. Especially now.”  You heard a car pulling up outside and the engine shutting off over the phone. “I’m here. I’m right across the street. Which door is yours?”

Right, duplex. You should have thought to tell him that. You couldn’t find your voice anymore, so you made a humming sound to let him know you heard him and stumbled to the front door, almost forgetting to undo the chain before opening it.

His flames were high and wild with a strange, sickly green tinge to them. The moment he saw you, he shoved his phone into his pocket and all but sprinted to you. You were suddenly in his arms, feet leaving the floor as his momentum carried both of you back into your kitchen. Your knees buckled when he set you down and you went to the floor, hunched over and hyperventilating, dropping your phone in favor of clutching your arms as the attack you had been fighting back finally began in earnest. He swore under his breath and you felt his heat fade, heard the door close – See? He’s leaving. He hates you now. – and then he was kneeling in front of you, his hands on your shoulders, warmth enveloping you.

“I’m here, I’m right here. You’re not alone anymore. Can you look at me?” he asked, voice firm but gentle as he tried to get you to sit up.

“C-cah…ca-an’t, can’t, can’tcantcant,” the word tumbled repeatedly from your lips, shaking intensifying. Your chest tightened painfully. It felt like someone was pushing against it, forcing the air out of your lungs, turning the useless word into even more useless squeaks. You dug your nails into your arms.

His hands covered yours, forcing his fingers under yours before you broke skin. “It’s okay, spark, it’s  okay,” he said, interrupting your chant. The feeling of vulnerability spiked as he uncrossed your arms, making your throat close off. You sat up abruptly, mouth open as you uselessly gasped for air. His hands went to your cheeks, forcing you to stay upright and looking into his face. “Focus on me. I’m here, you’re here, we’re safe. Don’t gulp for air. Take a slow breath. You can do it. Don’t shake your head at me, you can.” You managed a tiny breath. “There, good. Do that again. Very good! Take a longer one. Here, copy me.” He took a slow breath, held it, then let it out just as slowly. “Just like that. You can do it. Come on,” he urged. Your breaths were stuttery and gasping, not nearly as long or as smooth as his, but he praised you nonetheless. A rough, hiccupping sob interrupted you, making you screw your eyes shut. There was a sizzling hiss as new tears were forced down your cheeks and onto his hands.

Panic renewed, you tried to jerk away but he held you firm. You grabbed his wrists and tried to pry him off, but he refused to let you go. You heard more sizzling. “N-no, please. L-let go…’M hu-urting you,” you whined, clawing at his fingers. He had been nice enough to help you and now you were hurting him. That’s all you ever did, hurt the people –

“Stop, spark. It’s alright. Calm down. You’re doing so well, just breathe,” he tried to soothe you.

“H-hu-urting you, hurting you! I’msorry’msorrysorrysorry!” The wild crying began again, but instead of letting you go, he pressed his forehead to yours, filling your vision with his flames. Being this close let you see beyond the reflections in his glasses and to his eyes, steady, pale golden-yellow orbs in a sea of flickering orange. The effect was hypnotic, all your attention zeroing in on it.

“You’re not hurting me, I promise. You are not hurting me,” he said firmly. “I’m safe, you’re safe, we’re safe. Say it. ‘We are safe.’”

The tears still fell, but you managed to croak, “W-we-e ar-re sa-s-safe.”

“Good. That’s very good. Take a breath, now say it again,” he coached. He made you repeat both his words and his breathing over and over, praising you each time. It didn’t matter when you relapsed into sobs, how ragged the breathing, how garbled the words; He always responded with the same praise and encouragement.

The terrified tension slowly left you, and your hands slipped from his wrists as the numb exhaustion set in. The elemental eased you into a hug, pressing your head to his chest. With your ear to where his SOUL must be, you heard a similar roar to the one on the phone. His flames…he had been so worried by you that his flames had gone wild…They had looked so wrong when he arrived. He had been so upset, and you had been too lost in yourself to even realize it. Some friend you were. “I-I’m sorry,” you croaked, throat raw from your crying.

“Shhh, no, no…Don’t apologize, spark,” he murmured, petting your head.

“But I upset you…It’s so late and I bothered you.” Your voice was tired, all your emotions spent.

His grip on you tightened. “You didn’t bother me, and I would’ve been far more upset if you had decided to suffer alone or had hurt yourself. I’m glad you reached out for help, and I’m honored you trusted me enough to call.” You weren’t entirely sure if you believed that last bit, but you were too tired to argue.

“Thank you…for coming.”

“Of course. Let’s get you off the floor, and you should have some water after crying so long.” He helped you up, catching you as you swayed on your feet. There was something…odd in the way he held you to his chest as your vertigo passed, but you couldn’t quite tell what it was. Though…you did like it, the way his arms wrapped tightly around you, making you feel safe, protected, wanted. You were reluctant to leave his arms to go find a mug and get some water from the tap. You didn’t really want to drink it, feeling too drained to manage even that small action, but you knew you needed to rehydrate after bawling your eyes out. “Feel better?” Grillby asked as you put your mug into the sink to deal with later.

“Yeah…wrung out, but that’s pretty normal given…yeah…” you said tiredly, leaning on the counter.

“Understandable. Not to change topic, but…what is squeaking?” he asked.

You forgot your exhaustion in an instant. “Oh geez, Larkin must be having a fit!” you said, spinning on your heel and scooting past Grillby with a quick “Pardon!” as you scurried into the den.

Sure enough, Larkin was perched with her front paws on her water bowl, her soft wheeks warbling with worry. “Hey, fuzzy, it’s okay. I’m okay,” you cooed, opening her door. Her whines swapped to purrs as you scratched behind her ears, happy to let you scoop her up for snuggles. The moment she was close enough, she began licking your cheek, nose, and chin, making you smile and fight back giggles as her whiskers tickled you. When she paused, you buried your nose in her shoulder fur and breathed her in, the smell of hay and living animal making you feel a little more like you. “You probably want cuddles after listening to all of that, huh, piggo?” you said, snagging her lap-time towel. You turned and blushed as you saw Grillby in the doorway, who had just witnessed everything. “Sorry. Listening to me have a meltdown upset my guinea pig. Sitting with her for a bit should calm her down,” you explained, ducking your head bashfully as you made for the couch.

“That’s perfectly fine,” he said, following you, watching you sit cross-legged and settle her in the little valley made by your legs. Larkin stared up at you with bright black eyes, lifting her chin for scritchies, which you obliged.

“You can sit, if you like,” you offered shyly to Grillby, wondering if he thought you were crazy for how you fussed over the furry potato. The elemental did so, politely leaving a little space between you. The moment he sat down, Larkin wheeled around to glare at him, fluffing her fur up as she began chattering her teeth. “Larkin!” you scolded, recognizing the start of a warning display.

“Oh, did I frighten her?” Grillby asked, his flames dimming a little. “I-I am fire, and animals don’t like…”

“No. Well, alright, you may have startled her, but this reaction is the guinea pig equivalent of looking for a throw-down. Larkin, chill!” You tried rubbing behind her ears, normally a favorite spot, but she tossed her head in annoyance, now adding rumbles to her display. “Lark, what is the issue?! Grillby’s done nothing – Oh my god, I just figured out why she’s ticked. Really, pig? Really?” You ruffled the fur behind her shoulders, dragging her attention from him to you. She glared at you over her shoulder with a shrill wheek, annoyed that you wrecked her obviously terrifying performance. “Larkin, Grillby’s not the reason I’m upset. He didn’t make me cry, fuzzo. He’s very nice and came over to help me. Grillby’s a friend. You don’t have to protect me.” The grumping from her stopped as you talked, her eyes going from narrowed to normal. Her head angled towards him, clearly giving him the side-eye, fur still a little poofy. “Yes, him. He’s good. I promise.”

“She is…protecting you…” Grillby said skeptically, eyeing the two-pound rodent.

“Yeah…While my ex was still getting his junk out of my apartment, he would hang around for a bit and try to make nice with me, which I really didn’t want him to do, because he’d usually start in on how happy he was that I was being civil about him leaving me. Y’know, I hadn’t thrown his stuff out on the curb or whatever. Which maybe I should have because it took him a month and a half to get everything out, but I digress.” You sighed, rubbing behind the guinea pig’s ears as she deflated. “I always cried after he left because seeing him hurt so much, and it seemed like he was actively trying to make it hurt worse. Larkin put things together after the second time it happened and realized he was the cause. She started putting on the same show she just gave you whenever he came over. The message was ‘People who upset Mom will not be tolerated.’ And because I was having a freak out with you here, she must’ve decided it was your fault.”

Grillby stared at you for a long time before hesitantly saying, “Please don’t take offense to this. I want to say you’re jumping to conclusions, but…” He looked down at the guinea pig who was now lounging on her side and gazing at him curiously as though she hadn’t been gearing up to tear his head off – or at least deliver some very nasty bites – moments earlier. “…She certainly seems happier now that you’ve explained it to her…”

You snorted good-naturedly at that. “I get that a lot. I don’t believe she understands every word I say, but she – any animal, really – can certainly tell from my tone and body language how I’m doing. I just had to get her attention off you and onto me so I could show her that I was okay with you being here.” Now that you weren’t distracted by everything, you had a chance to actually look at him. He was still in his work clothes, though minus the vest and apron, his bowtie undone but still caught in his shirt collar. “I…I’m sorry again for interrupting your night.”

He shook his head. “Please don’t apologize. Truly, you did nothing wrong. I was doing a little paperwork when you called, and I certainly don’t mind getting away from that.” You laughed as he intended. He sat back, his arm across the couch behind you. “I am happy I could help you.” Worn out but content, you found yourself leaning towards him. It wasn’t a conscious thing, but he was so warm, and you were so tired. His arm slid from the back of the couch to around your shoulders, guiding you to rest your back against his side. You automatically relaxed against him, feeling safe. He held out his other hand for Larkin to sniff. She did so eagerly, was let down to find it didn’t have food, and settled back down with a huff. He used a finger to rub her forehead, which made up for some of her disappointment. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asked softly.

You sighed, closing your eyes. “No, but I probably should.”

((needs stuff))

“Will you be alright sleeping alone?” Grillby asked. Abruptly his flames tinted blue. “It’s not, ah…I’m not trying to get in bed with you, but it’s just…”

“I understand,” you said, sparing him from any more embarrassment. “After he left me…hell, even when we were still ‘together’ but he was…away…I used to sleep on the couch. Listening to Larkin doing her thing…you know, munching on her kibble or her hay, playing with her toys, chatting to herself…It helped a little. Sounds of normalcy, of life helped me relax and sleep. Also helped when I woke up from a bad dream or whatever, just to know everything was okay. You’ve…probably had those nights, too, yeah?”

He gave you a sad smile. “Yes. There have been many times I needed to know that the people I cared about were safe or that I wasn’t alone before I could rest. I thought it might help you now…to know that you aren’t alone, I mean.”

“I…I don’t know. I mean, it would help, but I can’t think of any arrangement that wouldn’t be awkward. Sleeping in my bed together might be weird, but I’d feel really bad sleeping on the couch and making you sleep on the floor.”

“And I certainly wouldn’t let you sleep on the floor,” he said. “I won’t force you to share your bed, but I promise I would not touch you if you did,” he added softly.

“Oh, that…that isn’t the problem. I mean, I-I wouldn’t bed down with a stranger, but I’ve, uh, I’ve never minded sleeping with friends in a cuddle-pile, you know? I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t know if you minded that, or if Monsters…i-if it would be…” You focused on your hands, picking nervously at your nails. “If you minded being that close to a human,” you finished reluctantly.

His hand covered yours. “I don’t mind. You are my friend. I feel as safe with you as you do with me.”

“Then I guess we can share,” you said with a shy smile. You turned to Larkin, who had been snuffling through her hay pile while you talked. At her name, she perked up and came over to the cage bars. “Good night, Larky. Sweet dreams,” you cooed, giving her a nose boop. She narrowed her eyes at you, irritated with you for distracting her with such foolishness, before waddling back to her hay. You smiled to yourself as you turned off the lights, briefly confused that it wasn’t as dark as it should be until remembering Grillby was literal fire. Or magical fire. You weren’t completely sure which way it went, not that it really mattered.

He followed you to the bedroom where you both stood looking at your unmade bed. “Sorry it’s a mess. I didn’t think I’d have anyone I’d need to straighten it up for,” you said, embarrassed.

“It’s not a problem,” Grillby answered, touching your back lightly. Somehow that touch calmed you more than his words did. “Which side do you prefer?”

“Closer to the door, if that’s okay. Oh, um, are you okay sleeping in your clothes? I have some oversized shirts and sweatpants if you wanted to change.”

“A different shirt would be nice, thank you.”

“Yeah, just a sec.” You grabbed a shirt from your pajama drawer, not looking to see which one it was. When you turned back, you found him regarding your large, somewhat squashed hamster plush. “I, uh, I like to cuddle things when I sleep,” you said, embarrassment mounting further.

“That’s quite alright, spark,” he said gently as he took the shirt. You quickly stepped out so he could change, still blushing. You were starting to feel nervous about this. What would he think of all your dumb quirks? Did he think you were childish for still sleeping with a plush? You had already decided to forgo listening to music the way you normally did, afraid of annoying him. Your close friends all happily accepted your idiosyncrasies as a part of who you were, but what if he didn’t? You didn’t think you were that close…even though you had called him for help…why had you done that, anyway? It had felt like the right thing to do in the moment, almost instinctive. But now that you thought about it, it seemed odd. And he kept calling you ‘spark.’ That was new…

“‘Steam Powered Giraffe?’” you heard him ask. You peeked around the door to find he was changed and now looking down at the logo on the shirt.

“They’re a band. You might actually like their music. It’s a little bit of everything, some jazz, some folk, some light rock,” you said, trying not to stare. You’d only ever seen him in his bar-tending attire, crisp and clean and admittedly handsome. Now a little more casually dressed, he still managed to look good. The shirt was large even on him, but instead of looking disheveled, he simply looked relaxed. He looked like…your heart gave a painful pang. He looked like he could belong in your life. You shoved the thought away. That wasn’t something to think about right now. Or ever.

“I’ll look into them, then,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do you need a charger for your phone? I have spare cables for just about any make and wall adapters,” you offered, shaking off your longing.

“Yes, thank you.” He told you what plug his phone had and you grabbed the right cable and adapter from your nightstand’s drawer. “Always so prepared?” he teased.

“When it comes to electronics, yes. I have back-ups for my back-ups. Never know when a cable will decide to stop working.” You sat on your side of the bed, your back to him, and grabbed your hamster plush to cuddle. Why did this feel normal and awkward at the same time? You remembered another of your quirks to warn him about. “Oh, um, another thing about me. I don’t snore, but sometimes I…I hum in my sleep.”

“You hum?” He sounded genuinely curious.

“Yeah, I always have. Sometimes I can hear myself doing it, though I can’t always stop it. I think…I think it’s because I tend to have vivid dreams and I’m trying to talk in my sleep, but I never quite get there. It’s that or I’m having a nightmare and I’m trying to wake myself up. But I’m sorry in advance.”

“Please don’t worry so much. It’s alright.” You felt the bed shift and then his hand on your back again. “Let’s get some rest, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” you said, looking over your shoulder at him. His expression was soft and kind, completely understanding of your nervousness. You calmed a little at it. He hadn’t judged you so far and it didn’t seem like that was going to change.

He turned to take off his glasses, and you took it as your cue to do the same. You laid down facing the wall, feeling the bed shift as he got comfortable as well. His body gave off enough heat that you didn’t feel the need to pull up your blankets, though you did tuck your feet under them, knowing if any part of you was going to get cold, it would be your toes. You tried to relax, but your mind felt like it was going a million miles a second. Did he need the blankets? Could fire elementals get cold? Would he be upset if you cuddled against him? You wouldn’t do it on purpose, but you knew you tended to gravitate towards warm things in your sleep. Did he sleep on his side like you, or his back? Was this awkward for him?

“I can feel you thinking,” he said quietly, making you go rigid.

“S-sorry!” you squeaked.

He chuckled softly, and you felt the bed shift and then a hand between your shoulder blades. “You’re fine, spark. Sleep,” he murmured, fingers rubbing slow, lazy circles. You had relaxed at his touch alone, and the continued ministrations combined with the warmth and soft crackle of his flames soon had you drifting off.

Almost immediately you were plunged into a nightmare. Of course it didn’t start as such; they never did.

((needs stuff))

Your eyes were open – you could see your ceiling – but the dream continued, now projected onto the cracked, off-white paint. You could hear your hums and whines, but you couldn’t wake up. Your body was frozen, and despite you making noise it felt like you couldn’t breathe. You tried to relax, knowing if you just could do that you’d be able to breath, but your chest only continued to tighten, making your terror worsen, making your chest tighten further, and the vicious cycle began.

“Shh-shh, you’re alright, you’re safe,” a sleepy voice startled you into taking a gasping breath. You jolted into a half-sitting position, leaning on your elbows as you panted. Warm arms encircled you, pulling you back down. You mewled in fright and struggled to free yourself, the nightmare too fresh in your mind. “Easy, easy… No one’s going to hurt you, everything’s okay,” the voice continued, the arms getting tighter around you. Reality finally set in. Grillby. It was just Grillby. You were awake and it was just Grillby. “That’s right, it’s just me. I have you,” he said gently. You hadn’t realized you’d said anything out loud. You turned and threw your arms around him, burying your face into his chest as your tears came. “Oh! Oh, spark…It’s okay. Everything’s okay,” he cooed. He eased the two of you back down, ending up on his back with you tucked firmly against his side, his arm under your neck and around your back. Your head rested on his shoulder, one arm curled to your chest while the other rested on his, hand clutching his shirt.

“I-I’m sorry,” you whimpered, only for him to shush you.

“Shh, it’s alright. This is why I wanted to stay with you.” His other hand found its way to your head and began slowly petting it. You cuddled closer against him. “That’s it, get comfy. Warm enough? Good. Do you want to talk about it? Or are you okay to go back to sleep?”

“I-I’m scared the nightmare will come back,” you whispered.

“Don’t be. It can’t hurt you. And if it does come back, I’m here to chase it away again.” He shifted a little and you felt something touch your forehead briefly. Did he just…kiss you? He was talking again before you could fully process what had happened, the soft rumble of his voice in his chest against your ear lulling you back towards sleep. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Just relax and rest. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

((needs stuff))

Grillby sat up, pausing to look at you. Angel above, you were cute, curled around your much-loved plush with your hair half-covering your face. He couldn’t resist brushing it back to reveal your calm expression. You looked so at peace. He wished you looked like that when you were awake. Even at your happiest, there was always a tension in you, like you were expecting the world to collapse around you at any second. Though, that did make sense as he thought about it; That was essentially what had happened to you when your previous relationship had ended.

((needs stuff))

He needed to clear his thoughts. He liked you, that much he was certain of. When it had happened, he wasn’t entirely sure, but at some point his SOUL had decided that you belonged with them. It pulsed happily every time he saw you enter his pub, sending unconscious flicks of yellow through his flames. The sheer contentedness it felt from simply having you where he could keep a careful eye on you settled him, and it was hard to keep his flames from dimming with his SOUL’s disappointment when you left. His SOUL wanted you near all the time, not out of some strange possessive streak or the belief you needed protecting, but purely because it liked seeing you relaxed and happy. He liked that, too, though it had taken him longer to realize that it wasn’t just from pride at having an establishment where everyone felt safe to unwind. The more time he spent around you, the more he wanted to do…well, more. He wanted to hold your hand, pet your hair, murmur gentle things into your ear.

Last night had been nice. Not the parts where you had been terrified, Angel above, no. He never wanted to hear you cry like that, see the absolute panic in your eyes, feel your body shaking so hard, ever again. But after, having you relaxing against him on the couch, comforting you after your nightmare, cuddling you as you fell back asleep…He’d wanted to do those things for a long time. He loved you.

The trouble was he couldn’t tell if you felt the same. Oh, he knew you felt calmer in his presence, but that didn’t tell him or his SOUL much. You didn’t flirt, or at least not as far as he could tell. The few times you’d mentioned you wanted to reenter the dating scene but were still too nervous to seemed more like a confession than an insinuation. But there were times he’d catch you absently watching him with a soft, distant look in your eyes, like there was something you wanted but wouldn’t ask for. The only hint he had that you might be interested in something more was that when the place was empty and quiet enough for your ever-present defenses to lower, you would ask him about himself. Nothing prying or uncomfortable, but clearly things you had been mulling over for a while. The one that stood out to him the most was when you had asked if you could touch his hand. It was the first truly personal thing you’d ever asked of him, and the way you had phrased the request had stuck with him. You hadn’t asked if he would be too hot or would burn you. You had asked what it would feel like, and when he had offered you his hand, you hadn’t hesitated. When he had stoked himself hotter to show you that he wouldn’t burn you or anything he didn’t want to, you hadn’t recoiled in fright. You’d been fascinated to learn how much intent affected magic, and amazed by his control, though it was really nothing impressive to him.

(Something about that nudged at the shadow of a memory in his mind, but it flitted away before he could grasp it.)

((needs stuff))

Consciousness eased its way into your mind. Stretching a leg, you were surprised to feel the edge of the bed with your foot. Why were you so close to the edge? You rolled over and sighed into the pillows. The tinge of wood-smoke caught your attention. Why would you smell…Last night came back to you in bits and pieces, but primarily the image of a fire elemental sitting on the edge of your bed, smiling softly at you, and later that same elemental cuddling you after your nightmare/sleep paralysis episode. So where was he now? Had he just…left…at some point? Though he wasn’t under any obligation to stay with you until you woke up, the thought that he left without a word…hurt more than you thought it would.

 “Grillby?” you called softly, feeling a little silly about doing so.

 “Out here, spark.” The relief you felt when you heard him respond turned your tense muscles into jelly for a moment. You grabbed your glasses and stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to find him sitting at your table, hands wrapped around a steaming mug. He looked at you with a smile. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” he teased, affection in his golden eyes.  Hold up, his eyes?

“Y-your…You aren’t wearing your glasses,” you said, confused.

He straightened and touched his face as though confused, and then a little flick of blue went through his flames as he laughed awkwardly. “Ah, I…I don’t use them to correct my sight. You know how my glasses reflect my flames? I wear them as I don’t…generally like people being able to see my eyes.”

“O-oh, I’m sorry!” you said, quickly looking at the floor.

Grillby just chuckled again. “It’s alright. I don’t mind you seeing them. You’re my friend.”

Nervously, almost not quite believing him, you looked back up into his face again. His flames brightened when you did, tingeing yellow with happiness. This felt like it was something more than just a friendship. It felt…bigger. You chewed on your lip before deciding you had to say something. “Grillby…not only did you come when I called, you stayed with me all night, even through my dumb nightmare…and you kept – keep – calling me ‘spark’…Something…changed last night, didn’t it?”

He stiffened, his flames dimming and curling closer to his form. It seemed like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. After a moment he sighed, flames fluffing out again, and sagged into his chair. “Yes. And I’m afraid it’s my fault.” He motioned to the other chair. “Sit, and I’ll explain.”

You did so, nervously playing with a loose thread on your sleeve. He took a breath, as though about to say something, but then sighed again and dropped his gaze to the table. “Did I do something wrong?” you asked, breaking the tense silence.

Immediately his head shot up. “Oh, no, no! Not at all, spark. I just…I haven’t been completely honest with you, and I feel bad for that, though I don’t know if I would change anything if I could do it over. You see…” He paused and leaned back in his chair, clearly thinking. “How do you feel around me?”

“Um…good? I’m comfortable? I mean, you’re my friend, so…” You drifted off,  a little confused.

“But it’s not just that, is it?” he asked, looking at you intently. “You’ve always felt at ease with me, trusted me. Think of when we first met. I’m a fire Monster, and you weren’t afraid of me or my touch.” “I wasn’t afraid of anyone there that night,” you countered, though he did have a point. A human should be afraid of a walking fireball purely on principle, but you hadn’t even considered that he might burn you until much later, and even then you had dismissed the concern easily.

“You told me everything you had been through, even though we had just met,” he continued seriously, hinting at…something…

“Well, aren’t people supposed to tell bartenders their issues?” you tried to joke, but it felt hollow. You sighed. “No, I-I’m sorry. You’re…you’re right. I feel so…at peace with you, like nothing bad could possibly happen if you’re around. I don’t want to keep anything from you. It’s almost like I can’t, that it would be wrong to not let you see…all of me. You’d see through any act I tried to put on anyways, but that’s not a bad thing because it’s you. No matter what, I’m…I’m safe when I’m with you.”

“Yes,” he said softly. “You and I…What do you know about SOULs?”

“Not much. I, um, I did try going to the library to learn more, but a-a lot of it went right over my head. The only book I really understood was one for Monster kids…” you admitted, a little embarrassed.

He nodded, more to himself. “I can teach you later. It’s not necessary to know everything to understand this.” He sighed, looking down at his hands. “You and I are SOULkin. Humans would refer to it as ‘kindred spirits.’ Our SOULs…compliment? No…they resonate with each other. We naturally gravitate towards one another because our SOULs know the other will understand and support us. It’s instinctive, almost ingrained, in us to seek out the other, especially in times of stress.” He paused. You thought about how often you went to the pub, how just sitting at the bar while he worked was enough to settle whatever nerves had been bothering you, how quickly you had calmed in his presence during your first visit, how you had called him when at your worst.

 “I did not tell you this, however, and maybe I should have,” he continued. “At first, it was simply because I didn’t think it was terribly important for you to know. People, Human and Monster, can have multiple SOULkin. It’s a relatively common bond, though that doesn’t make it any less special. But as time went on, I began to feel differently toward you. You are so naturally kind and patient and giving. You care so much and so easily for those around you. You feel so deeply, and you aren’t afraid of those feelings. You may try to hide your pain, fear, and grief from others, but you don’t hide yourself from them. You accept them and feel them as deeply as any joy. I admire you for that.”

“Grillby,” you started, embarrassed and a bit alarmed by the sudden praise, but he held up a hand.

“It took me some time to realize that I…I liked you. I had fallen in love with you. After that, I didn’t tell you about us being SOULkin because I was afraid you’d feel obligated to love me back. After what you’d been through, I didn’t want you to feel pressured into a new relationship, especially if you weren’t ready for one. Even when it seemed like you might have feelings for me, I didn’t say anything because I was worried about accidentally pushing you.” He took a shuddering breath, his composure slipping. “When you called me last night…When I saw you…There was so much hurt in you that I hadn’t known was there, that I hadn’t seen…I was so afraid…I-I thought you were going to fall down.”

“‘Fall down’?” you repeated.

He looked at you. You didn’t know if fire elementals could cry, but it looked like he was going to. “Die. When a Monster falls down, they die.” Your heart skipped a beat. Even if you hadn’t been thinking of ending it all, the ‘coping’ methods you had considered could just as easily have led to that by mistake. “I was so afraid I was going to lose you, such a wonderful friend and an amazing person…to never get to tell you how I felt…I wanted to take the hurt and fear from you, to give you strength and hope, to show you just how loved you are…and so my SOUL attempted to form a SOULbond with yours.”

“A-a…a what?” Anxiety was beginning to form a knot in your stomach.

“It’s…a deeper connection than the passive SOULkin bond. It’s a Bond that is actively formed between SOULs that care deeply for one another. My SOUL wanted to form it with yours because it wanted to help you, to help your SOUL, but to try it while you were so distressed…” He trailed off.

“Is that…a bad thing?” You felt a little overwhelmed by what he was saying.

“The Bond itself is not, but doing it so suddenly and without you knowing or understanding it is. Even though there was no malicious intent behind the action, a Bond isn’t something that should be formed spur-of-the-moment. But my SOUL wanted to…I wanted to…I was so…” He stared at his hands as he struggled to find the right words. “Maybe I should have just told you about being SOULkin from the start, or at least told you how I felt before now. Maybe I would have seen just how much you were holding inside, or maybe just being with you could somehow have kept everything from getting so bad…Maybe what happened last night wouldn’t have happened. But I am sorry for keeping everything from you, even if I was doing so with the best of intentions.”

“O-oh…wow…that’s…a-a lot to process…” you said, leaning back in your own chair.

“I understand. Please take your time. Would…would you like me to leave so you can think in peace?” He looked hurt by his own offer, but you didn’t doubt he would go if you told him to.

“No, please don’t,” you quickly said, leaning forward and reaching out to him, though you stopped part way, not entirely certain if he’d want you to touch him after all those revelations. Your hand rested on the table between you. It looked lonely to you, but you left it there, lost as to what you should be doing. “Did…my SOUL react to the Bond?”

“It very nearly accepted it. I don’t know if it was going to because it wanted to or if in the moment it felt it needed to, but I pulled back before you did something without meaning to.” That thought lingered for a moment before he added, “However, if did you want to, I would very much like to be your Bonded.”

“What does that mean, though? I don’t know i-if I understand…”

“It’s…” He looked at the ceiling as though the answer would be there. “I guess a human might liken it to dating or having a very deep friendship, but more…solid. It comes with a promise of certainty, that both will always be connected. It’s for the very closest of friends or those in love, and well…I love you.”

You struggled to absorb that. It seemed too unreal that someone like him – self-assured, calm, and put-together – could feel that way for someone like you – anxious, flighty, and a spazz. “So…I don’t even know how to phrase this…Are the feelings the SOULkin-resonance-thing creates real? Or are we…I guess just…compelled to care for each other because of them?”

“I believe them to be real,” he said gently, earnestly, leaning forward to finally put his hand on yours. “I do not feel like I was forced to come to you when you called me, or forced to stay with you after to ensure you had recovered. You needed someone to be there, and I wanted to be that person. You may have called me simply because your SOUL recognized I was someone safe to be with when you were vulnerable, but I hope you know that I am even without its influence.”

You turned that thought over in your mind. It was hard untangling your own emotions, but you couldn’t imagine Grillby just ignoring someone’s call for help. He may put on an aloof air sometimes behind the counter, but you knew just how attentive he was to all of his patrons. He would do anything to ensure their comfort, and not just because they were paying customers. He’d been kind to you right from the start, a strange human having a meltdown that he could have just kicked out, but instead did whatever he could to help you calm down and inviting you to share your problems, going so far as to let you stay after the place had closed so you could tell them in private, even giving you his phone number and offering you a safe place to stay. Your hurt and fear hadn’t been a burden, but something to be cared for.

Grillby cared, and he was asking you to be a bigger part of his life because he cared.

“What changes between us if I accept the Bond?” you asked.

“Nothing much, or not to a Monster, at least. It will probably be a little more to a human. We would be able to better perceive and understand the other’s emotions when near to each other, making it easier to support the other in times of need, which was why my SOUL attempted it in the first place. At a distance, we would be able to push thoughts or feelings back and forth. Nothing so grand as telepathy, but simple things like ‘happy,’ ‘sad,’ ‘love.’ It will naturally encourage our relationship to deepen along with our understanding of the other, and it will provide the security of knowing that someone will always be in your corner.”

You hesitated to ask, worried about offending him, but this felt like a huge deal and something you needed to know as much about as possible. “Can it be…ended?”

If he was hurt by the question, he didn’t show it. “Yes, though it is rare for that to happen.”

“Okay…I-I don’t know if this is off-topic, but what are ‘soulmates,’ then? O-or is that an entirely human construct?”

His flames tinted slightly blue. “That usually happens after SOULbonded become…deeply intimate.”

“Oh…Oh!” You clapped your hand over your mouth before you could say anything else humiliating.

He laughed, waving off your embarrassment. “It’s alright. Most Bonded end up as Mates, but it will not pressure us to become that if you don’t want it. Such feelings tend to bloom when you are connected to someone so deeply, but it can remain platonic if you wish. Being Mates doesn’t have to be physical either, though it frequently goes in that direction. It happens when Monsters…people trust each other enough to allow the other to see and touch their SOUL, which you can likely imagine is as intimate as sex, if not more so.”

You hesitated, too nervous to look at him. “I-is…is that something what you want? To be Mates?”

“Someday, and, admittedly, in the physical sense as well as the SOUL sense,” he said, soft but certain. “But that isn’t something that has to be decided right away. There’s no time limit, and I would not push you one way or the other. I simply want to be with you, to be a bigger part of each other’s life.” You believed him, that he would allow you to make that choice when the time came, and it didn’t seem like he wanted to rush to it either. Which was good, because while you were potentially interested in things turning physical, you would certainly need time to get used to being in a relationship again, much less adjust to the whole SOULbonded-thing. You took a breath. “So how do I accept the Bond?”

His hand tightened on yours slightly, his flames becoming brighter. “Please, don’t force yourself to. You don’t need to do this on my account.” He sounded both anxious and eager. How long had you both been pining for each other without saying anything?

“I know, but…I love you as well. I-I was scared to admit it to myself, especially after…everything. I was afraid I was grabbing onto the first person who genuinely seemed to care about me. I don’t become infatuated easily, so I was worried by how quickly I felt myself wanting to be closer to you, but maybe being SOULkin was what was helping that along. I-I don’t know…I just knew that being around you felt good…natural. You were someone I could banter with but also be real with. I didn’t feel like I had to try to impress you or hide how weird I could be, and letting you see when I was hurting didn’t feel like I was being weak or making myself vulnerable. You didn’t try to make me hide my sadness away, or fix it, or hand out platitudes the way a lot of people did. You sympathized without trying to make me feel better, which ironically made me feel way better than anyone else had. You listen to my ramblings not out of politeness, but because you value what I’m thinking.” You laughed, embarrassed, knowing you were currently rambling. “You were even okay when I just wanted to be around without interacting, which is something a lot of my friends don’t quite understand. I also think you’re very kind. You’re funny, and clever, and so patient. You’re so attentive to the world around you, you see things I never would. I admire you, too, and I want to spend more time with you, and not with a counter between us. I love you, I want to be with you, and I want to be your Bonded. So how do I do that?”

He searched your eyes for a moment before you felt something…shift. It felt like something was very lightly touching your chest, just over your heart, though neither of you had moved. “You only need to say ‘yes.’” There was so much hope in his voice. Abruptly you realized that he was just as vulnerable as you had been last night. He had let his guard down and was inviting you in, asking you to share his life because he wanted you to be a part of it. He wanted you, flaws and quirks and all, because he loved you.

“Then…yes.” The pressure on your chest increased, and you felt something in you seem to pull towards it. You glanced down, expecting to see something, but nothing was there. “Grillby?” you whispered, suddenly nervous.

“It’s alright, sweet spark. Don’t be afraid,” he said gently.

You felt more defenseless than you had been last night, and despite his words, you were afraid. What if he Bonded with you and then learned something about you he didn’t like? What if you were about to trap him with you, about to make all of your problems his? You still had so many things you needed to work out, so much emotional and mental baggage, and here you were about to dive right back into uncertainty, into a relationship that was clearly bigger than you understood. It was too much too soon. You clutched your chest over where the pressure was and curled in on yourself. “W-wait, I’m sorry! I can’t!” you gasped.

Immediately the pressure was gone and Grillby was kneeling beside you. “Relax, you’re alright. No one’s making you do this. It’s okay. I promise it’s okay,” he assured you. One hand rested on your knee and the other was on your back, warm and comforting without making you feel trapped.

“I-I thought I could…but I…I don’t think…I’m not ready. I’m sorry. God, I’m so, so sorry,” you whispered, mortified by your reaction. Grillby was so good to you, so sweet and caring…How could you reject him?

“Look at me, spark, please. You aren’t in trouble,” he soothed, his hand rubbing gentle circles on your back. You didn’t want him to see the tears that were welling up in your eyes, but you obeyed. “It’s okay if you aren’t ready –”

“No, it isn’t!” you said, interrupting him. “I said I would be your Bonded, and now I’m saying I won’t! I’m sorry for changing my mind, I’m not trying to be wishy-washy, I just –”

“Did you change your mind?” he asked, his turn to interrupt you. “You said you weren’t ready, not that you didn’t want to be my Bonded. That’s not changing your mind; that’s needing time. I understand that. We can still spend that time together, getting to know each other better, until you are ready.”

“Grillby,” you whimpered weakly. Your ex had always told you that you were being indecisive when you asked for time to think before making big choices, but Grillby…didn’t think that? You slid out of your chair to join him on the floor, wrapping your arms around him as you pressed your head into his shoulder. He held you close, resting his cheek against your temple. “I’m sorry. I-I…I was afraid you’d hate being with me. There’s so much I’m still dealing with in my head, so much I’m still sorting through and trying to get over. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“Shh, don’t apologize. There’s nothing you have to be sorry for,” he murmured, rocking you. “I don’t see you as a burden. I want to be there to help and support you.”

You nodded into his shoulder, sniffling. “I know…I just…I want to have more of myself sorted before doing anything so big and real…C-can…I still want…I-I don’t know if it’s okay to in Monster culture, but…Can we still try dating, e-even if I’m not ready to become your SOULbonded?”

“Oh, sweet spark, you misunderstand!” he laughed, sounding relieved. “I’m so sorry! I should’ve been clearer. Dating and Bonding aren’t mutually exclusive for Monsters. We can take our time and get to know each other better first. It’s probably better that way, too. I didn’t mean to imply that we had to Bond just to go out.” He eased you back so he could look into your face, absolutely beaming.  “I would love to date you.” He lifted a hand, letting you see it before touching your cheek, tenderly wiping away your tears. “May I kiss you?” You gave him a watery smile and nodded. He leaned down, the hand still behind you pulling you closer, and pressed his lips to yours. Much like his hands, his lips had the same soft-but-solid-heat feeling but with a little more give. There was no force behind it, no demand for more than that gentle kiss. He let you be the one to decide how long to hold it for, and when you did break it, he rested his forehead to yours. “I am here for you, sweet spark. For everything.”

“Thank you,” you breathed, giving him another soft kiss. “I love you.”

The fire elemental cradled you to his chest, warmth engulfing you like a soft blanket. “I love you, too.”

[rred-gaze]

Sorry if this is kind of a bother but frankly I'm genuinely quite curious what your thoughts are on Yesod, or like, personal hcs and such! ( Mostly curious since some of your other posts with Verg were very silly! And frankly it's just nice to hear ppl rant abt their fav characters n such )

oh!!! dw i like asks, esp about characters i like :] i made a LONGGG list of hcs for him when he was my #1 blorbo that i added to over the years, i’ll put that and some general thoughts under the cut

headcanons:

-transmasc he/they. super gay also

-can say fuck. chooses not to.

-he’d probably tug at his clothes when he’s nervous (gloves, turtleneck, tie)

-malkuth is his friend! (and taller than him i decide the heights now)

-ROLAND IS HIS FRIEND

-he seems to like moons (moon the the bottom of the department in lob corp, in his ruina symbol, you can see a moon from his platform)

-(based on the moon thing) likes astronomy :)

EDIT: i have learned that in actual kabbalah yesod is known to be the sephirah of lunar consciousness so i think that connection to his character is really cool

-takes good care of his hair it would be silky and sofd <3

-if he ever had long hair he’d put it in a ponytail (turned out to be true: see beta designs in the artbook)

-lob corp yesod would have to wear long gloves if he was ever forced to wear short sleeved shirts

-gets cold easier than others (i know he was a Cube so he wasn’t actually wearing them but a turtleneck under a suit?? if he doesn’t get cold easily he’d be melting :( if it were sleeveless it’d be a bit better but still)

-the sephirot robot forms only have one eye. yesods was on the left. his bangs in ruina are on the right. most of his hair minus the bangs look pretty much the same length so this implies he grew his bangs out on purpose. what if he couldn’t get used to having two again. also he has no depth perception

-got that high intelligence low wisdom. can recite 60 digits of pi but doesn’t know what a handshake is

-what if he has fangs. like a v. like a vip. like a vi

-he likes shiny things...like an crow....give him a coin......

-wakes up at the asscrack of dawn

-you seen his floor? that man likes vaporwave. and also lights in general, i think

-likes tea (also turned out to be true? he’s drinkin some in that one credits cg)

-probably has a small plant in his office, likes gardening a little

-leaves you on read

-clicks his pen when he’s focused, doesn’t notice until someone tells him to stop

-doesn’t really like soda but thinks sprite is okay

-he smells like lavender i think

-doesn’t like when people make a big deal out of his birthday but he appreciates gifts and the like nonetheless

-gets bad caffeine jitters

-he’s a flirty drunk and gets extremely embarrassed about that when he sobers up

-uncomfortable in large groups, he gets overwhelmed if he’s around a lot of people for too long

-hovers around the people he’s closest to if he’s forced to be around a lot of people

-focuses the best if he’s by himself

-malkuth and yesod are siblings because i like them. this also makes elijah and gabriel’s deaths more sad

-yesod can do hair, he learned how to braid because elijah liked having their hair braided when they were younger

-i rotate them being twins and yesod being a natural brunette in my head sometimes

-if he were a snake he’d be a mangrove pit viper or lavender albino king snake i think

-he likes looking out the big tech sciences window to relax

-has a lot of scars across his body from scratching, i personally think he should’ve had his hand scars in ruina

-good with computers but complete shit at video games. he’d know the Lore to games he likes but absolutely cannot play them.

-likes the sound of computer fans and keyboards

-he’s totally autistic

self indulgent

-he seems like he’d get really flustered if you showed him any sort of affection, ESPECIALLY in public. hug him and he short circuits and dies

-if you ever managed to befriend him he seems kinda calming to be around when he’s not pissy. kinda guy you’d sit out in the balcony with in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep in a comfortable silence. might show you constellations if you wanted

-covers his face when he blushes

-would get super red when he’s embarrassed, tries to avoid people and hides away in his office

-touch starved but can’t ask for affection to save his life

-i think he’d show affection with little things yk. puts a blanket on you when you pass out on your desk. he’d probably try to cover it up with professionalism though. like “i noticed you haven’t eaten, think about how that’ll affect your work performance” instead of “eat something i’m worried about you”

-might also just sit near or lean on you

-if he likes you enough he’d be softer and more forgiving

-i personally tend to assign my character fixations flowers for some reason,,,he gets hyssops :) hydrangeas and lavender also make me think about he

jumbled thoughts:

part of the reason i like him so much is because i tend to have a thing for cold/stoic characters who are soft on the inside. yesod is only cold and sharp-tongued because he needs to be in order to succeed in lob corps environment. he doesn’t want to get attached to people. he cares so much that he couldn’t allow himself to feel anything at all, esp in an environment where he’s trying so fucking hard to reduce deaths by setting rules and keeping order but people die every day regardless. not only that, but his job was to destroy information that could potentially save those same people. he gets MAD if you let his employees die because he cares about them.

i also used to try and spread my rolsod agenda all the time, i think their relationship is fun

oh yeah and he’s totally OCD-coded. one thing i’ve always liked about projmoon media is how great their representation of mental illness is. both because it feels very accurate and real and a lot of horror media will just drop in a mentally ill person and go “ooo scary mentally ill person being scary bc they’re mentally ill oooo” but the horror aspect in lob corp is focused more on the horrible things that caused him to act that way. he became obsessed with rules and safety because elijah broke the rules and tested the cogito on herself, leading to her slow and painful death.

just a couple things i find cute about him:

-i know the viper nickname is supposed to be threatening but i think snakes are cute and so is he

-robot form <3

-that hair tuft

-HIS SMILE!!!!!

-his voice is hot okay byey

i don’t talk about yesod as much anymore because i can only have so many men at the forefront of my mind but make no mistake i still adore him

[isleofair]

8 TV Shows to Get Know Me

Thank you so much for the tag, @starwalkersdream!!! 💙💙💙

Let's see...

1. Tiger & Bunny - current obsession (as in, nearly 2 years on now and still going strong), an amazing mixture of genres that hits the spot incredibly well for me, contains my utmost Blorbos Nathan and Keith and OTP FireSky, but pretty much every single character is absolutely fantastic and will at some point surprise you.

2. Yuri!!! On Ice - my favorite, my comfort watch, a watershed in my anime history, possibly the best soundtrack of any show I know, amazing characters, figure skating, and an actual plot twist?!? Amazing.

3. Star Trek: The Next Generation - I grew up with it and I think it shaped a lot of my views on morality, ethics and what it means to be human (Data, my beloved, my first Blorbo, decades before the word Blorbo was a thing 🥹).

5. The X-Files - You can't see this show at 13 and not receive some kind of brainrot, lol. Mostly it was related to madly shipping Mulder and Sully before I could even fully realize how freaking WILD they were being about each other; but there's also something to be said about spending your teenage years waiting for the reveal of THE TRUTH THAT WAS OUT THERE, only to then realize absolutely no one EVER had any idea where they were going with the mythology of the show in the first place.

5. Sailor Moon - You can't see Haruka Tenou at 13 and end up straight.

6. Supernatural - but for all that is holy, don't actually watch it. Just know that I did, all the way through, from when it first started airing in 2005 to when it ended (?) in absolute MADNESS in November 2020, and I received about 372639446827483 d10s of psychic damage from it.

7. Stargate Atlantis - Look at John Sheppard. Examine his amazing technicolor allergy to even the most minute and remote trace of emotional communication. Know that I had a MASSIVE crush on him. Realize why my long term relationship did not end well.

8. Anime Sanjushi - Okay, maybe three other people have ever even heard of this one (like, on Tumblr as a whole), but the way it made Dumas's novel so cool and easily palatable to little kid me, with a great mix of action and humor and nice feelings, and most of all giving me the absolute gift of that version of Aramis is just... Chef's kiss. Another deep childhood influence on me.

I've already tagged people in stuff today, and I don't want to spam anyone's notifications, so: if you see this and want to play, consider yourself tagged! 💙💙💙

[kausatstolar]

11-20

former | latter

Alright. It's been a very long time since I've done this, largely because life got in my damn way. It's about 18 days until the first anniversary of sovstuck. Isn't that cool? Let's go back to visit our favorite jadeblood. I think I like the panel/text/analysis format, so I'm going to keep up with that.

RETRIS: Investigate poster.

You're not sure if you can consider your JOB a HOBBY, but you entertain the NARRATOR anyway. You are an ACTOR, of the TRADITIONAL LIVE-ACTION BATTLEGROUNDS ROLEPLAY variety. It is a controversial, culturally Carapacian pastime. Lights. Cameras. Action. Bloodshed. Real people died in the making of these productions. Some by your hands.

There's something delightfully unsettling about this. Retris's hand being the only troll hand, grasping the crown. The monsters strewn across the counter. The offhanded comment on the fact he's killed some of these people.. How well acquainted was he, with the hands in the poster. How old is this poster, on that note?

RETRIS: Stare at your hands.

You take a moment to contemplate the amount of times you've washed gore off your carapace. Some were people you've loved. You think it's fine. They'd all agreed in advance that that's how they wanted to go.   You try not to think about it too hard, but it gnaws at you sometimes when the moon is hung high. Some of them were so young. Just like you.

Guh. I really like the composition of this panel. It's so fucking dreadful. He looks so unhappy here. You think it's fine. They agreed in advance. You try not to think about it.

RETRIS: Get immediately distracted by the SHRINE behind you.

Oh fuck yes. Disregard all previous thoughts. It's EVANGELION time. You’ve been a hardcore fan of the series NEON GENESIS EVANGELION since you were a child. It was a formative piece of media to you. It has informed many aspects of your being. You have a particular fixation on the relationship between Evangelion's IKARI SHINJI and NAGISA KAWORU. This is your shrine dedicated to the pairing. KawoShin, it's called in fan spaces. Not that you've ever participated in those. Every Evangelion fan except for you and your BEST FRIEND is annoying. You'd like it if they got blown up with lasers. In fact, you feel quite the same way about-

Nothing better to wipe away the pain of all the people you've lost along the way than blorbos! He's so charming here. His artstyle is really charming. Look at that smiiiile. I'm sure that his love of NGE and KawoShin will not be exceedingly relevant, and has absolutely nothing to do with the way I format these. I feel the urge to blow everybody but you and your bestie up with lazers, though.

It's a sound page...!

Oh?

Fun first sound page! Wonder who's blowing up his DMs?

RETRIS: Investigate desk.

I understand him. That's all I can say here. ...Is that a KawoShin mousepad?

...What a wonderfully drawn hand. What on earth is making him hesitate like this?

Oh. That's all he was doing.

Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up-

NERV, not KawoShin. Cool. What's all the hurry? Surely nobody's dying? ...Surely.

There we go! Ah, yes, good ol' VRISCORD. Everyone's using this handy little messaging app these days. Probably on account of it coming pre-downloaded on literally fucking everything. Your username on the platform is azimuthAnomaly -- don't tell the internet -- and English m4y not 6e your first l4ngu4ge, 6ut, you 4re trying your 6est. It seems a couple of your FRIENDS have been messaging you while you were out.

Oh. Yeah. I understand. Nice to get a view of who he talks to.

RETRIS: Commit favoritism.

You check on your best friend first, as it should be. She comes before everything else in the world. Including yourself.

[PRIVATE CHATLOG]

Have a strong feeling that "Including yourself." is going to come back and bite everybody. God, he and GG are SO fucking cute together. I love the camraderie they've got here. Ret-HIIssss.... The friendship they have reminds me a little of me and my bestie. Heehee.

[go-go-devil]

My friend @silenthillmutual tagged me to answer some fic writer's ask game questions, so without further ado...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

17 as of right now.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

181,115

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Hylics, but I've dabbled in several different fandoms. I've also written for the band Ghost, Pathologic, Knock-Knock, created the Neverending Nightmares tag on AO3 which still only contains the 3 fics I wrote for it, and am currently writing an epic novel-length Dark Souls fanfic!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Outcasts in an Overcast - 109

2) Dedusmuln Uncharted: The Hunt for the Paper Cup - 78

3) Molding A Legacy - 61

4) The Moon is Down - 60

5) Chaos Inverted - 51

Basically most of my Hylics fics lol 🌙 🎸🌯

5. Do you respond to comments?

I always try to respond to every comment I get since it's not often that I get any. There were a few that ended up slipping through the cracks of my memory, and to those I'm sorry since it now feels kinda weird to respond to a comment written years ago, but mostly if you see a comment that I haven't answered it most likely means I've already responded to the person on another social media site.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely a tie between The Moon is Down and Chaos Inverted, but frankly that's to be expected since Gibby's such a doomed character. Out of all the blorbos I had to write Shakespearean levels of angst for it somehow ended up being the clay alien who's head looks like an orange and/or zoopals plate XD

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ironically it's a Pathologic fic I wrote two years ago called Like A Fire Melting Us Down. Basically a hurt/comfort fluff fic featuring Murky and Daniil bonding over both being autistic. It's probably the only fic I've written fic I've written that has a definitively happy ending, as in there's no room for darker speculation for the future or anything like that.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no. If anyone out there doesn't like my fics they've done good not to harass me about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

No.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

The only crossovers I've written thus far both involve the game Knock-Knock; either the Lodger interacting with Thomas Smith from Neverending Nightmares or Daniil Dankovsky from Pathologic.

The latter comes from the fic Intruder, which I'm most proud of of all the crossovers I've done so far, yet I'm kinda surprised no one else has attempted this themselves or entertained the idea of my fic since Knock-Knock was what inspired Pathologic: The Marble Nest to begin with. I guess it's true that there are only 12 Western Knock-Knock fans left on the internet...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Also thankful this hasn't happened yet.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but if anyone wants to please let me know. I'd be more than happy for my stories to cross language barriers!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

One time my fellow Hylics fic veteran bombcollar wrote a story called Dedusmuln's Dossier, which is all about Dedusmuln documenting all of the enemies in Hylics 2, and which I contributed two pieces of writing for The Hand of Moodbleen and Carassius! It's an awesome fic I recommend any Hylics fan check out, and I had some good fun thinking of what I wanted them to say about these two uniquely annoying enemies.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Goddammit I don't fucking know lmao. I don't take shipping as seriously as other people do. For now I'll say Burakhovsky for all the beautiful art I've seen for it, the Hylics crew being in a queerplatonic polycule and, just to throw an insane curve ball at everyone in the room, Siegmeyer/Domhnall ;-)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm gonna finish 'em all one day. I will not leave my children to rot in the pits of Writer's Block Hell...

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told by many people that they tend to really love the way I write dialogue for each of the characters I work with, original or already created. I'm also a lover of environmental descriptions and am always trying to build upon and improve in that aspect into my works.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably fight scenes since I've had so little practice, and due to a lot of the books I read not really having that many. I'm hoping To The Accursed can help me improve on that front, since Dark Souls is so heavily combat-oriented.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't gone farther than using singular words in other languages as of right now. That's something I'm definitely gonna need to step up on later down the line, particularly since there will be Dark Souls characters I'll be writing soon who will be speaking some sentences in Latin and Welsh respectively.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Swedish metal band Ghost! It was a story called For A Divine Cause which was about Papa Emeritus Primo realizing he suffers stage fright right before he's supposed to start touring for the first album, and thus summons his younger brother Terzo to help shape him up into being a good front man.

It's without question the worst of my fics from a writing and technical perspective, but it was the first one I ever wrote so that's kinda to be expected. I am pleasantly surprised it has so many kudos and bookmarks after all these years!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Honestly, I'm think I'm gonna have to make it a tie between Dedusmuln Uncharted and Chaos Inverted.

The first is the fic where I truly started getting more creative in my writing (and is my first full made podfic which I'm even more proud of!), while the latter was sooooo much fun to write and gave me the confidence to write novellas. The Hylics fandom has been so supportive of my work, and I thank you all for being the best fandom experience I've ever had <3

That was fun! I'll tag @bombcollar, @pinkiepiebones, and @brainshock-alpha for this one ✏️✨

[anonforlackofabettername]

A, B, G for any fandom for the asks?

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I’ve been reading a lot of Tim/Kon lately since I’ve been in a batfam mood and Tim is my blorbo. Core 4 poly is also up there is good shit whether it’s platonic, queerplatonic, romantic, or sexual. It’s not right now but my other batfam ships are Tim+Cass siblings and Tim/Jason romo.

I just started Dunmeshi and yeah I can see why Farcille is good. This too is yuri.

Uhhh *does a quick backscroll through tumblr and my ao3 history* Luke+Leia is just *squeezes* so shaped. There’s a reason they’re both blorbos. Murderbot and Art are in no way romantic and I’m not sure I’d classify them as queerplatonic but god those two are just… look they’re very important to each other and are each others most important relationship but they’re both non-human sentients so it’s hits different in a very non-romo way.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

I mean unless the show or story itself is pitching a ship I tend to need to be convinced. I’m very aroace-spectrum where unless the show is shoving the blorbos together (hello miraculous ladybug love square my beloved) I usually need fandom to hold my hand and explain why the blorbos go together. I think Ez may have sold me on Tristan/Teddy or at least taken it from “I think they’re neat” to “yes yes yes.” A lot of my strongly held shipping beliefs can trace back to someone in fandom going “I care a lot” and me going “hell yeah I’ll join you on this hill.” So yeah. I’m pretty easy to convince but I don’t always get there on my own just from canon itself.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

The answer is yeah of course I do, I love shipping. Live and let ship all the way. The problem is that while I believe in one ship above all others I also believe in both polyamory and the inherent joy of the fandom bicycle. So while I may fully believe in Stucky — for example — as soulmates, Steve is bicycle-blorbo shaped and thus I will ship him with anyone a fic or author makes a compelling argument for. Which undermines the whole “one true” part of OTP. Love to hold multiple conflicting OTPs in my heart and know them to all be true. Love even having OT3s.

As for my oldest? 🤔 I’ve been talking a bunch with the gc about Ranma 1/2 and how my gateway into fandom early on was Ranma+Sailor Moon. I’m pretty ship and let ship with SM but I do genuinely like and enjoy Usagi and Mamoru together even though I’m from a fandom tradition that paired Usagi with what seems like everyone else. I guess the early ship that I was like no these two belong together in a romo way and shouldn’t be separated or shipped with other people was Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase. I’ll vibe with most Harry Potter ships except Drarry but I read HP and PJO at around the same time and was like no these two demigods are meant to be together, do not interfere.

Alphabet Fandom Asks