#that was a struggle lol but they kept trying
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Hello Nebraska!! I just want to say that your Sonadow fanfic, The Secret In Your Quills, is one of the best Sonadow fanfics I've ever read in my entire life! The writing is so epic, and I'm so excited for the final chapters!!
I don't know if you are active on Twitter/X, AI has recently become one of the most talked-about and controversial topics there, and I’d like to know your opinion, especially since you are a wonderful writer.
To you, is using AI to improve and/or correct writing and grammar mistakes considered cheating?
Here’s the thing: I have a friend who is currently writing a book. He built the entire foundation, he came up with a good story, characters, the plot, and everything. But there’s a problem: he’s not very skilled in writing and doesn’t know how to write certain parts. He struggles to describe certain scenes, forgets words that could be used, and makes many, like really, many spelling and grammar mistakes. Not only that, but he also tends to drift off from certain contexts, making parts of the story confusing or nonsensical.
Because of that, he asks ChatGPT to help him with his writing. For example, he writes a section of his book and asks the chat to improve that part, like making it longer, more detailed, and most importantly, correcting grammar mistakes and polishing the writing. When ChatGPT finishes generating the revised version, he reads it to see if it matches what he had in mind. If it doesn’t, he tweaks a few things. And when it finally fits what he wants, he adds it to his book.
But this made me think, and the question kept spinning in my head, so I’d really like to know: is AI actually helping him, or not? I don’t have many friends, and the ones I asked didn’t give me any solid opinions about him using ChatGPT to assist with his writing (assist and improve, not come up with ideas or write it for him).
So I decided to bring the question here to you: Is using AI to help or improve your writing considered cheating or unoriginal?
He doesn't have Tumblr, and since I'm sending this to you anonymously, he will never know that it's me LOL, but I'm serious. What is your opinion about this?
Oof, AI is kind of a tricky subject, and I certainly have a lot of thoughts/opinions on it.
Overall, I don't think AI has a place in writing fiction when it comes to the actual process of writing. Creative writing is an art form, a way of sharing something you've created with others, and having something else nonhuman create that art kind of takes away from the whole purpose. What this means is, when I write, I embrace all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. The highs of exciting, juicy, and emotional scenes, and the lows of the less fun stuff that comes in between. If you cut corners by having AI write parts of it for you, you're not really growing or evolving as a writer because you don't ever challenge yourself (and listen, you don't have to want to improve your craft while writing fanfiction, but at the same time, if you're incapable of writing the whole thing without having AI fill in the gaps, then it's probably time to reevaluate what you're trying to get out of your writing, if it's not completely yours). It might be a harsh opinion, but at the same time, writing is a form of expression, so why wouldn't you want everything you share with the world to be completely yours in your own unique voice? Isn't that kind of the whole point?
But there's nuance. Having AI help with grammar is a feature that has been in writing softwares since the dawn of the dinosaurs. I tend to ignore grammar suggestions more than half the time because they're either incorrect or because I'm intentionally breaking the rules, but it's still nice to have when reviewing/editing chapters. And idk. AI probably has other nice and innocent features I don't know about because I've never used it before out of principle.
I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers. I'm pretty anti-ai, but that's because in a lot of ways, I see it as an insult to art and the creation process that is innate in us as a species. It has its places in society, but the creative world isn't one of them. Truthfully, I count my lucky stars that I completed my English Literature degree before AI was a thing... I would have hated to navigate that through my courses.
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-Yeah, I was wondering if it was a thing about strays and Leo just being pulled back to what it was like to not have a home to go back to when he was on the streets. It’s honestly kind of a miracle he doesn’t bring home every single stray he finds (cat or otherwise). The thought of Apollo struggling to cat sit is making me laugh so hard. He tries to hum tunes at Socrates or something to cheer him up and Socrates just hisses at him.
-I also don’t know why this popped into my head but I’m very amused by the thought of a Socrates Festus rivalry. I’m not sure if it’s funnier if it’s mutual dislike (cat hisses at Festus, Festus rotates rows upon rows of sharp teeth at Socrates, Socrates just hisses again completely unbothered) or if Socrates just really dislikes Festus while Festus just wants to be his friend.
-Glad you enjoyed the concept haha. I’m also still wondering what was up with that chicken chucker Leo built lmfao. Like that’s such a wild throwaway thing for the book to mention and then never bring up again
-Arguably Jason is the one with first aid training so in the choking situation he could maybe help if there wasn’t a doctor around but I’m also very amused at the thought of Leo raising his hand not realizing what the situation is and then improvising the shit out of saving someone’s life (maybe Apollo helps as a thanks for the time Leo went on a quest with him, maybe he finds some sort of mechanical solution, idk). They’re thanking him after and he just casually drops “oh yeah actually my doctor is in engineering LOL”
-I honestly think there’s a pretty good chance Olympia would have ended up counselor regardless of who she’s sharing the cabin with just due to (staying on theme here) “the power of her name” and the legacy of her parents.
-I absolutely adore Isabella just getting along with the Hephaestus kids so well not due to powers or anything (not sure how often the blessing of Hephaestus thing takes effect or how exactly it works, would love to hear more about that) but because she just gets to special interest ramble at people who Get It. I love that for her.
-I have no idea how I didn’t catch the pun name the first time (probably because I read your reply at 1 am ngl) but that is amazing. I don’t even know if it’s funnier assuming their mortal parent named them that and they kept the name post coming out or if they came out as enby then promptly picked the funniest possible name option for themself. Just 10/10 concept. And of course chaos gremlin who won’t take their task seriously trying to “work” with a Competitive Leader is gonna be a mess lmao. There’s also something pretty interesting specifically about Olympia butting heads with a Hermes kid considering her parents’ history with Luke
-Yeah they’ve got a lotttt of birthday and anniversary stuff going on in summer, jeez
-I’m wheezing about Percy being annoyed Olympia is an Ares sign that is hilarious
-There really is something to be said about how much worse the whole idolization issue would be for someone whose parents are affected by it. Like, Olympia knows they’re not these clean perfect pictures, but imagine trying to rant to someone about a minor fight you had with your parents or being annoyed with something they did when everyone sees them as heroes and idols. That disconnect has to be absolutely astronomical. I think Percy would also find it absolutely heartbreaking that his kid is dealing with feeling inadequate when he grew up thinking he always messed everything up and made things difficult for his mom.
Also, genuinely, some of our best writing comes from processing feelings that are familiar and we don’t know where else to put. It’s very therapeutic and helpful and makes for really great stories. I’ve been doing it for ages, and I’m glad you get to do it with Olympia.
-If you’re trying to live up to some perfect image that doesn’t exist, nothing is ever good enough. Even when people outright tell you you’re good enough or you did something right, all that does is just create more pressure and expectations you don’t think you can live up to (it’s something I tap into when writing Jason a lot and also feels very fitting here. No I’m not speaking from experience what are you talking about /sarcasm)
-I feel like the Athena kids would be pissed at any version of the story that doesn’t give Annabeth the respect she deserves. I’m taking full-on “they’re talking smack about our sister again, we’ll crush them so hard at the next Capture The Flag game that they’ll weep”
-I feel like Percy probably gets so annoyed by it that he’ll just straight-up refuse to talk about anything heroic he did and just talk about Annabeth instead when he’s asked about it.
-I adore the name specifically carrying the history of the mortal members of their family too (and I do really hope Leo eventually realizes that her carrying his history of bravery and ultimately getting to be happy despite all the hardship along the way isn’t a bad thing to carry either). I assume the mortal family members thing being important may be related to the [redacted] thing you told me in DMs? I do kinda love Grace as a middle name for Olympia as a nod to both Jason but also Thalia who saved Annabeth and helped raise her for a little while.
-The whole Sequel Trilogy plot was all over the place, but Rey choosing the name of a mentor who tried to help her and a woman who was kind to her over the name of the evil ancestor who tried to kill her really isn’t exactly odd?? Like, personally I would have stuck to Rey from Nowhere because the whole “you don’t have to be anyone important to be a hero”-plot is way more intriguing than it all being a messy family drama, but they that’s the story they chose, and ending it on Rey either going back to being Rey from Nowhere (dismissing all the meaningful connections and friends she made along the way) or committing to being Rey Palpatine (which she never wanted to be and he insisted she had no choice on) would not have worked. Rey got to choose who she wanted to be, and chose to live in memory of Luke and Leia over her own familial connections she wanted nothing to do it. Also considering they were always tied to the darkness of who their own father was and what he’s done and trying to shape the galaxy into a better place despite that history? Yeah, it makes sense why that’s the kind of story Rey wants for herself, too.
-Found family is so so important. “There is a place for you, even if it’s not with the people who raised you” is so so important.
-I’ll probably save the details of the Percabeth kids for a separate post since this thread is getting ridiculously long as-is and it might be nice to be able to find this stuff again (I say that like most of the next gen lore didn’t get created by me and Juno yapping at each other in DMs for ages, LMAO) but in broad strokes:
—Coral is the oldest by seven years (she’s also the oldest next gen kid by five years, meaning she was the group baby for a while). She’s a trans girl and picked out the name Coral for herself when she was ten. She’s pretty much a typical legacy, meaning she got some of her parents’ powers (Percy’s talking to horses thing and some degree of control over water plus Annabeth’s strategic abilities), but you can definitely tell she’s not a first generation descendant of Athena or Poseidon.
—Cooper is the middle child, and he’s a bit of a fluke baby. Nobody knows how it happened, but this kid has virtually no powers. He can barely see through the Mist half the time, and his only “powers” are being able to tell if it’s going to rain with a 74% accuracy and being good at maths, but a normal “I’m really good at maths”-amount. He’s half a year older than Sofía.
—Their youngest, Sally May, is three years younger than Cooper and the epitome of Percabeth’s hubris biting them in the ass (“we’re handling two kids just fine, how hard can a third one really be” Very, and choosing May as a middle name probably didn’t help). She’s the youngest of the next gen kids in the main friend group and the most innocent-looking kid you’ve ever seen and also a total nightmare. She’s everything everyone always worried a Percabeth kid would be—Annabeth’s genius intellect and Percy’s powers combined and used exclusively for the purpose of causing elaborate shenanigans. She also causes minor earthquakes sometimes, which is a power Percy is pretty sure he doesn’t even have.
-Man I’m so curious I think I might explode. If you want to yap about it but don’t wanna put it on your blog just yet for spoiler reasons, please feel free to ramble at me in DMs if you want to (no pressure though)
-I actually kind of like it not being as important in Camp Jupiter who your godly parent is (obviously it does to a certain degree to people like Jason whose godly parents are really important, but not to the degree of “if we don’t know who your godly parent is we will just temporarily stuff you in an over-full cabin” like it used to be at CHB, and also we never even learn if Reyna or Frank for example have half-siblings at Camp because it’s just not as important there). I think it’s a neat contrast.
-That being said, yeah, I feel like any kid of the Seven would be a big deal around there. It’s very much the same with the Frazel kids from Sofíaverse (who are twins, funnily enough). I’m also kind of obsessed with the concept of the Fifth Cohort which used to be thought of as the “bad” Cohort where the kids without recommendation letters went (which is why Jason joined it) slowly turning into the Cohort everyone wants to get into because all members of the Seven who have ever been part of the legion, including Percy, were part of that Cohort, which just gives it really great rep.
-The Samuel thing is definitely a bit weird but it also makes sense that Hazel would want to remember him in some way.
-Since the triplets and Isabella all grow up in New Rome, how often does she see them? I guess how close they are would probably largely depend on how much younger they are (whether they’re close enough to still be friends or more like a couple of younger kids that look up to her as this cool older kid that visits sometimes). I’m glad Finley gets along with his cousins well, that’s really sweet :)
-Also yeah same I feel like I do most of my rambles about the kids in replies/convo with you and DMs with Juno and not a lot making actual posts about them hahaha. The good news is if you want to you could always compile the info you shared here into posts about different characters if you wanted to
This song is so Married Valgrace. And ik I’d say that about every single song including the Kahoot Lobby Music but this one is especially the vibe

LMAO you're so real for the Kahoot Lobby Music thing, if I'm fixated on something everything is about that something now. Sorry to the books I'm reading and shows I'm watching you are now all AUs of this one thing I like
Anyway you're so right and you should say it (and also the ending of the song made me sob, oh my god? Evil?)
I also feel a very strong need to retaliate now /Ih) so may I suggest I Wanna Grow Old With You as a married Valgrace song?
#I’m so glad the quick reblog helped!!#I also get up in my head about stuff like that a lot (will I ever know if it’s RSD or anxiety or what exactly is wrong with me? who knows)#but I know what it’s like and if you’re ever anxious and need reassurance in that regard please let me know because I completely get it#wanted to make another short reblog yesterday but it was super late and I was half-asleep and just couldn’t manage it#I wish I had any concrete thoughts/theories re: godly heritage outside of the Thing you told me in DMs#but my brain just keeps going ‘uh oh’ whenever it’s brought up without letting me grasp at anything concrete LMAO
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YYEHEHAHHAAAHAHEH
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Growing closer than expected (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Kabu#Larry#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#To the shock of no one this is Zarla's fault (lol)#Bad influence! Too inspiring! Stop this! I'm totally not culpable for Being Inspired for the [X]th time now definitely lol#I kept finding little ideas popping into my head with them and I mean if I've already doodled them Once I guess I could try a couple more#Learned them just well enough to keep finding things for them pft#Although I am surprised by just how easy I find Larry to Draw - not necessarily that I'm fully Confident in drawing him yet but like#There's very little struggle to the shapes I put down here and I'm fairly pleased with their configuration haha#Kabu on the other hand!! Why is he so hard to draw!!! What!! Like I know his clothes are complex but no his face!#He's got a really cute and difficult-to-draw face! Why! I cannot figure him out#It's probably the do with the shape and size of his head...his hair........ I really enjoy fluff and he's Kind of but Not Really fluffy??#And his white streaks aren't intuitive to me - but Larry's floofs are??? I don't know#The only thing I can figure it that I Kind Of draw Dexter the same way - Larry's streaks are like an exaggerated version of how I floof Dex#And then a suit is second nature by now but I've already talked about my difficulties with Kabu's clothes lol#Didn't stop me from putting him out front for this hug tho! It's cute... Kabu asking Larry to come play with him but Larry has stuff to do#May or may not have felt a little that way myself - made most of these doodles during Requestober haha so busy!#The brightly shining brilliant glow boyfriend setup-payoff returns ♥ He glows like a fire! Overwhelming!#I still really love that glow cutaway style around the low-bouncing flower haha - just don't draw there and it gives the impression! Fun :)#Hugs <3 Unsurprisingly been in the want of cute fluff and sweetness and hugs were very on the menu#It really is fun to think of Larry being just a Little weird about how much he feels for Kabu#Acting childish as that part of him hasn't had the chance to grow and mature! Stuck awkward and gangly in otherwise full development#Feelings so big and strong and immediate for the first time in too too long <3 Gotta express them all somehow#And ending off with a bit of silliness haha - was Kabu prompting him just to hear such an answer? Who knows ♪#Larry just too straightforward haha - why else would he do or say things unless he felt like it! Pfsh obviously#Haha
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Whoops hand slipped here’s some TADC character fanart. Apologies for the severe lack of Pomni in this one idk where she went off to…maybe she got lost on her way to find the exit. The lines are incredibly choppy & rushed, I know, but it was still fun art practice! I don’t draw these guys nearly enough anyways so this is a nice change of pace. Support indie animation :3
#you wanna know a secret? don’t like how I draw Ragatha I wish I could do her better 😔#like I don’t know if I make her hair straight or if it’s kinda wavy?? and her eye too idk how to draw it in a satisfying way :((#but that’s a normal dilemma when I’m trying to blend my artstyle with the shows artstyle#keeping the characters on model/recognizable and consistent but also my own style ya know?#making those adjustments takes time and usually I need to draw a character 7+ times before it looks good#JAX ON THE OTHER HAND—OH BOY GOODIE HE IS SO COMICALLY EASY TO DRAW HALLELUJAH LOL#I think the Puzzle toothy grin & toon eyes just automatically agree with me#then Kinger I also struggle with personally#Gangle’s mask shape is confusing at first but then you adjust fairly quickly#Caine is neutral party to me—I know how his design is but I’m not confident without reference material#and then the artstyle translation is another hurdle to juggle <<#his top hat especially like HOW U DRAW 😭 I can manage Puzzles bowler hat just fine but NOT top hats man#Zooble is lovely Zooble peace and love they did nothing wrong just pleasant to draw uwu#Jax & Zooble conflict oh noooo the bitches are fighting /j#Actually this initially started only with Caine & Zooble but I just kept adding others lol#Ragatha & Kinger we’re the very last additions#hplonesome art#tadc characters#the amazing digital circus characters#NOT GONNA PUT ANYMORE TAGS BECAUSE THEN IT’LL GET SWEPT UP AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME I DRAW THEM ALL THE TIME 🥲#I can’t be held liable for serving TADC fanart content because that isn’t me right now sorry
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DIY eye sparkles: just add fairy lights
#Maisie tag#You can easily see the camera struggling to work with the lower light lol but that's okay#She was very annoyed with me. This was the most neutral face I got.#I kept making noises trying to get her to look my way
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mostly i need to do a truckload of hajime studies because ive drawn kenzakis face a hajimillion times now and i feel like ive got a good grip on it but i still struggle with hajime even though he's my most special tienpsy
#the struggle i have recently is like...#i worked on my portraiture for a Long time and im feeling like im finally getting a hold on it despite being#minorly faceblind lol#but then the problem that arises is if the drawing is too accurate theres an element of cartoony expressiveness i want thats bein sacrificed#so im trying to find the balance#this is why i didnt continue tokucember because it kept happening like i think this drawing is objectively fine but its missing something#post tag
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new wip
#ao no exorcist#shima renzou#my art#work in progress#most random art ive created#I originally had a diff idea for Renzou..#but noticed I was doing the pose wrong but I was too lazy to change my trajectory and thought would be okay might as well continue#since I wanted to apply what I recently learned in art and ahaha… I was happy with my progress and was like. okay lets do more cleaner drawo#drawover… then I found myself trying to shade it… which was hard since ahaha I haven’t at all really prac that… and then… I was like. okay#I have this what am I supposed to do with it?!#and tried to make some kind of idea but hard…#it turned into this yukishima idea now LOL#it’s kind of thinking idea for it but also my god I spent hours adjusting the colour/brightness cuz my god why does everything I draw#intially be so dark…. pls….#and was exhausted as heck after that session like lol the AMOUNT of adjusting I kept doing after I thought I was finished with it is sooo#crazy. but coming back after leaning it for like hours with fresh eyes was good cuz I was like. OH I like this#like I did before but also it was tained by exhaustion cuz the amount of adjusting….#I was just gonna leave it as it is but now I wanted to add another page to it that fleshes out more of a story and that’s gonna be a pain#to do LMAO since my brain is like “this is already a finished piece” and now I have to do another page and somehow make it look like they’re#both apart of the same story…?!#since I’m terrible with consistency but eh whatever!!! we’ll see how it goes!!! kinda excited for it… it will be fun<3#probs ages before I get to it tho ahaha#also I have to say I’m most proud that I was able to draw that hand despite how it’s not a perfect hand I WAS ABLE TO DRAW IT!!!!!!!!! WITH#NO REF!!!!!!! when I fumble a lot with hands.#it’s a struggle but I feel like I’m slowly getting. absorbing into my head. IM SO HAPPY#I think an issue I have with my art lately is the finishing… cuz I’m so used to doing rough sketches. when I have to make an art look more#finished I’m like… what am I supposed to do with it now….?! ahahah……….#so probs why I struggle a LOT in that phase. djkdkdkd#something to work on……#anyways excited about this! <3 man I have so many wips and ideas…… I started like what. 2 wips yesterday…
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It should not be possible to dream about work.
#pls explain to me why i had to take care of work tasks on a laptop whilst covering up my murderous dream lovers crimes and going to some#team building thing that i kept trying to leave because they were texting me what i bought to dissolve the body was not working and they#were gonna cry#why was i also just treating both of these things like some mundane life thing like ofc i have to work. ofc i have to help my#killer partner whom i adore not go to jail because they cant help themselves. just another monday smh#it wasnt even stressful but it was long and i woke up thinking about work which is lame af#anyways i did sleep eight hours tho which is great#-pers#dreams are boring blah blah blah#why were they killing ppl like this and when they knew i had to go to work that is the other thing. there was no explanation it was just#normal business i guess lol#though maybe they had work too maybe that was a vacation day. or maybe that was their work maybe they joined the mob or a gang of#some sort and there was a learning curve they were struggling with who knows the dream logic didnt go that deep#shit had me searching if xylol melts skin tho and it totally does not. set them up for failure with that one wtf?#apparently i already knew this though in the recesses of my mind which is funny. my 6 months reading hazmat instructions selling#industrial supplies is someplace in there still weird as hell actually i couldnt have come up with that if i tried in the moment
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.
#but actually can you guys say a prayer about teaching for me?#I know it’s mostly because it’s the end of the year#but a lot of stuff is just forcing its way to the surface#and basically it’s just me struggling with my natural strengths as a teacher and the boundaries of appropriateness that are necessary#to maintain it#like first of all. the beast that is my anxiety compounds everything and makes it so scary and terrible#secondly I thought I had. Like. A total handle on all of it#Teaching and boundaries I mean#and of course I do not#and part of it is that the anxiety that always kept me within the right lines is just shifting and changing#and I’m just distanced from some of the stuff that used to keep me grounded#like my family right now!#the new adulthood is adulting!#anyway like. I am not doing anything inappropriate or close to it (sounds like I am when I deny it lol)#but I am aware in a new and newly exhausted way of the absolute dangers#of being the kind of teacher who uses all of my personality etc. to wake kids up#And make them respond#but then still have to want to need to keep certain boundaries up#And I’m trying to figure it out but of course I CAN’t Do it perfectly#and then it’s so hard when your personal life is so hard and you’ve just gone through so much change in such a fast period of time#And it just feels like everything is spinning#and your heart aches and you’re tired and you just feel like you’re right at the center of all this emotional chaos#and all these people who wanna pull you off course and get you to cross certain lines#and some of the lines are just weird and arbitrary boundaries you put up to protect yourself when you started teaching at 23#Because you HAD to#So you can take some of them down and it’s fine but then there are some boundaries you know you need to keep up#And it’s more subtle than the black and white stuff re: appropriateness#Just the stuff that protects you and makes it easier to be the kind of teacher and influence that you want to be#and just trying to figure it all out while you’re exhausted and it’s the end of the school year#it’s just a LOT. A lot a lot
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It's getting more and more certain that I'm gonna get straight As this semester. For the very first time in my college career. My persuasion class is entirely graded, & I got a 95.88% in it. My data governance class still has the final paper to grade, but we got a 97.33% on the presentation, so the paper probably won't be much lower than that, & my current running grade in that class is a 96.53%, so. We'd have to do Pretty Badly to get that below a 90%, so it's almost a guaranteed A. Then there's my gender communication class, which doesn't have a listing on the homework website (bc my professor in that class is real old-school) BUT I got full points on my final essay exam too, which means the Only thing in that class I got points taken off for was my presentation, which Even Then I still got a pretty good grade. So that one's almost certain to be an A as well.
Which leaves UX design class, which is still missing a grade for the project we turned in back at the start of November 😭😭😭😭😭 but they say they're grading them this week so. Sure, I guess. (Still don't know why they graded the more recent project before that one but Oh Well). Anyways, we've been getting really good grades on all our projects, bc it's a level 100 course and their grading criteria is really easy 😂😂😂. So really good grades on all the projects. Not as good grades on the class participation stuff bc I kept forgetting to do my reflections and the readings, but that's not very many points overall. So unless we do badly on the project that has yet to be graded (unlikely), I'm Proooobably going to get an A in this class too. At worst, a B. But I'm hoping for an A.
It'd just be really cool to have straight As for the first time in college. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll do it all over again next semester too >:]
#speculation nation#usually i have at least one class i struggle with more#but i Also have spent every semester before this also working a job.#which that's the key difference i think. it's Impossible for me to keep a job without making sacrifices.#and yknow my dad and my old advisor would tell me that school's more important#but when you gotta work to eat and pay ur way thru school. u kinda Have to prioritize work?#when it comes to staying in ur boss's favor and keeping regular attendance etc etc etc#there were a number of times i ended up so tired from work id get home and look at an assignment and go 'do i Really need to do this?'#check the syllabus to see how much it's worth. and if i think i can get away with it then i skip it.#but not this semester. i finished every stupid fucking assignment bc there Were no work conflicts like that.#(minus the One quiz i forgot which got dropped anyways. and then the readings and reflections i mentioned above lol)#and as it turns out. when u do Every damn assignment. well that directly translates to better grades.#and see even without working a job. full time school is still fucking punishing.#i kept at it but there were a number of times i felt myself cracking.#held it together thru determination alone. one foot in front of the other. i kept going. i finished. and i did a damn good job of it.#couldnt live that way for too long though. it's no wonder i kept having breakdowns in previous semesters#with me trying to do school while also working. full time school just does Not work for me with that.#and even part time school was more than i could handle well.#but i Can be a good student when i can actually Focus on it. my grades here are evidence enough.#so im feeling pride. and im feeling certainty.#i have 3 classes left to complete before i graduate. and im gonna.#i WILL do well on those classes too. and i WILL graduate in may. im speaking it into existence. i WILL do it.
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I love interacting with non-transformers fans because I'll just be identifying them easily and they're like "??? wow you really are not normal about this huh" and I'm over here just "well you need to know which one's which to know what's going on" "nah you're just not normal about this"
#transformers#this was from a discussion with another friend lol#extra context I was trying to make my autobot OC in roblox and was struggling for two hours straight#before I decided to look at the community outfits#anyways#tomato screams#this was right after i identified multiple in a row and kept getting excited seeing starscream avatars lol
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dreamt Randy and Benson were my coworkers at the movie theater!!! 👀
#yay for new fav characters appearing in my dreams but boo for it being a chaotic and stressful shift lol#we were manning all three registers and trying to get all the popcorn and nachos and beverages out to the customers asap#but we were struggling! not enough pre-made nacho boxes and benson had a tough time keeping up with the demand#just like what it was like at work over the easter holidays lmao#like. i was at the front with randy dealing with customers who got increasingly impatient because it took so long#and benson was in the back trying to fill as many nacho boxes as he could and then putting them in the designated nacho warning cabinets lol#i can still hear benson swearing under his breath#randy and i were both sweaty nervous messes. we both kept mistouching on the screens and had to repeatedly type in orders orz#and the customers got so angry with us for taking so long or over the fact their card got declined lmao#like i cannot control how much or how little money you have in your bank account madam!!!#this has happened so much irl already that i already know that error 51 means Not Enough Moolah on the card#anyway my brain said the passenger movie theater au and i guess i'll roll with it 👍
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Even when I thought we had boundary of just friends, she confuses me.
I tell myself to ignore it. That it's just a game for her and that she really is just comfortable with me as a friend.
But we all went out Sunday night (you, me & Sam). You asked us again if Sam & I were still "not a thing." We both told you the truth (for like the 10th time): we're not a thing. There's no sort of situationship or anything like that. We're just friends.
**((also I fucked up one of my tags I meant to say that Alice told buddy boy that I threatened to kill *him* again, not that I threatened to kill her. He sounded really serious when he said "i promise v, im leaps and bounds better than anyone shes had before. I would never hurt her." I said "Oh, im sure. Its because thats who you are Ty. Thats what you and I do. We protect people." I'll be so honest yall i was crossfaded as fuck because i was running iff 3 hours sleep & literally no food almost the whole day leading up to our outing. NOT doing that again jfc))**
#when leaving that bar to head to another one you were in my driver's seat & i was in the front passenger since i was too drunk to drive#the foam rose you tentatively pinned to my vest valentine's night was pinned to my visor directly above your head#did you notice it? is that why you did what you did next? i was packing my tiny bowl & you said it was cute#i said ''thanks! courtesy of my ex lol'' & as i was talking you were saying something else. but as soon as we both stopped#you said ''i love you'' with a wide sweet smile took the sides of my head in either of your hands & kissed my cheek#i dont know what you said right before the ily & idk why you kissed my face especially with sammy in my back seat?#then at the 2nd bar not only did you insist that i take the jacket off your back because i was cold & dreaded getting my coat from the car#but you also (for the 2nd time very recently) implied that i enjoy impact play (which i do but thats none of your business missy)#and why would you even throw that assumption out there? its happened a couple times recently & you also said on speaker at work last week-#that i love it when you & sam are mean to me. yeah i do enjoy it to a degree but again what are you trying to get out of me?#what info are you rooting for? what are you wondering about me & why? not to mention the other three main things you did that night.#at the 2nd bar i went to the rest room. you were coming in just after i washed my hands & saw me trying to put on my gold chain necklace#from inside the stall you asked if i needed help. i said nah i got it. you said if i didnt have it on by the time you were done youd do it#i said if you insist & probably shouldnt have but i stopped trying to put it on (i definitely couldve gotten it myself)#you came out washed your hands & asked if i was trying to shorten the chain. i said yes & id like it on the 5th or 6th large link please#you confirmed ''kinda like a choker?'' & tugged it ever so firmly but also gently against my throat as you clasped it on the 6th large link#which that can be written off as you being a homie & just struggling to quickly get it cause your nails are in the way & youre also drunk#but then when we were all sitting in your car after buddy boy came to get us & get food we were talking about how you train new hires#i said ''my love you cant train people like theyre dogs'' & you immediately shot me back a look out of the corner of your eye#then you turned forward & if i remember correctly you said ''i beg to differ'' or something along those lines exCUSE ME?????#then i was complaining about ''all the femmes in my life (you & sam) are always so mean to me''#you very happily & proudly announced to your boytoy that i admitted that i enjoy being hit#i then argued that i never admitted to anything but was simply accused. you & sam said that my silence was admission enough#i countered that i stayed silent because i wasnt going to say a word on it without my lawyer present#you said i couldnt afford a lawyer & i laughed saying ''exactly & thats why i wont speak on it''#but you & sammy kept egging me on so my drunk ass said ok maybe i do a little but who doesnt enjoy getting a little rough every now & again#the topic ended up changing shortly after that#you also smirked as you told buddy boy that i threatened to kill you again that night#i corrected that i didnt establish a new threat just renewed the old promise & that i was mildly serious since i dont have much to lose lol#heyitslapis rambles
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I hope your days aren't as heavy and dark, I am sending all the positive thoughts your way. You deserve the best, fairy princess. <3
😭
#I’ve been getting such sweet asks#I can’t tell you how much they mean to me right now#unfortunately my days have been pretty dark and overwhelming#struggling more than I ever have before tbh#and I’ve struggled most of my life so that’s saying something#also tried to go on TikTok for a little bit and oh BOY that was a bad decision#I might come back sometime soon#it’s just hard when my meds and everything have been making me very sex repulsed 😬#and half of the posts on my feed are very sexy related lol#so I guess that’s probably the main reason I haven’t been on here as much as I used to#also really don’t have the energy to reply or talk to people anymore#(sorry to anyone who has tried to DM me or contact me in any way -#I’ve barely been able to get out of bed so I definitely don’t have the energy to reply to people)#fun fact I went on TikTok finally cause everyone keeps talking about it#somehow ended up on the abortion debate side of TikTok???? so I kept seeing these bullshit debates#the final straw was the other day I saw some dipshit put as their claim ‘prochoice is a mental illness’#don’t even get me started on that it makes me so made I start to shake#I’m sorry but that is so offensive to people who are struggling with real mental illnesses???#went up as a guest (surprisingly) and was trying to explain how ridiculous that statement was and one of the people literally said#‘this is not a safe space’#lol ok byeeeee#obviously not expecting every where to be a safe space but for someone to literally SAY that is wild to me#I always try to keep a safe space no matter who I’m talking to or what about#that still is bothering me so so much#main reason why I’m still on there is cause I love this creator and want to support her as much as possible#but idk how much longer I can be on there… was even thinking about trying to post and make money over there#but ha ha ha guess not#back to square one#I’m running out of space as always but thank you so so so much for the kind words they mean the world to me!! also FAIRY princess???#I’ve never heard that before 🥹🥹🥹 thank you thank you thank you wishing you a lovely day 🫶
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#honestly venting on a platform where nobody will say shit to you is sooooo therapeutic#bc if i were to even say i was sad to my irls on like insta they’d be beating down my door#on here i can openly be like lol im gonna k word and it’s crickets it’s GREAT#bc these are honestly my most irrational thoughts. they just don’t feel at home in a diary#they belong on tumblr like god intended#15 year old me looking at 25 year old me rn being like wow it rlly doesn’t get better does it bitch#like unfortunately no it really doesn’t! at least when i was 15 and in a shitty relationship i had a vibrant friend group that kept me busy#and a fulfilling life and a job with people i enjoyed#now i’m just working from home alone! 8 hours a day! barely doing that right!#i try to meet people and i choke! i stutter and im not witty and im not funny#and nobody has patience for the obviously neurodivergent fat bitch#speaking of fat bitch i’ve actually lost 20 pounds in a month LMAO#i don’t even feel hunger anymore in all honesty#struggling deeply with feeling like i deserve to even eat vs not feeling very hungry is a horrific combo
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