#that specific situation is 1/2 of the reasons why i put him on “has never done anything wrong (lie)” instead of “true” for the blorbo chart

[starfilled-galaxy]

i need to stop being so autistic about the maverick because i have now developed an actual annoyance for people calling him by his real fucking name..

- @space-captkin / lovfurboy

😭 fair tho

I remember when I played I got annoyed that Kel wouldnt just call him by the name he wanted to be called. Like bro he's not gonna tell you where Aubrey is until you call him by his chosen name JUST CALL HIM BY HIS NAME ITS NOT THAT HARD

[plutoswritingplanet]

It's A Special Death You Saved (Feyd Rautha x Female!Reader) pt. 2

a/n: re-uploaded cause tumblr wouldn't show it in the tags for some reason Cross-Posted on AO3

Warnings: Dub-Con, Arranged Marriage, Reader is an Atriedes, Horny Violence, and some angsty family relations (lmao)

Summary: The courting becomes more and more complicated, as both you and the Na-Baron discover something about each other.

Part.1, Part 3. Part 4.(finale)

- He's a beast.

Lady Jessica stops in her tracks, her hands sliding gently across the fabric of your nightgown. It's your Mother, that puts it out on the table next to your bed. But the person, who turns back towards you with an unreadable expression, is most definitely not her. You're talking to a Bene Gesserit sister now. A freezing chill runs up your spine, and you start picking at the skin around your fingernails, a nervous habit you've picked up a long time ago.

- Have you forgotten all that I have taught you? - she asks, turning to face you fully, in the dimly lit space of your bedroom

Subconsciously you retreat into yourself, body leaning further away from her, as if that distance might save you from whatever unpleasant revelation will most likely fall upon you. Lady Jessica takes a deep breath, her lips pulling back into an easy, soothing smile. In the past, you would look for expressions such as this, fish them out for comfort. Now, as you look upon your Mother's face, it all seems to be a trap made specifically for you.

- Men like him, beastly men, are the weakest ones - she explains, taking slow steps towards your hunched form - They need the power and the blood to feel worthy of existing, which makes them easy to manipulate. Keep them pliant under your hands like fresh dough. 

She sits beside you, your mattress dipping under her weight, and your eyes are immediately drawn to your Mother's elegant hands, folded neatly in her lap. You wish you could put your head there. Have her pull your running thoughts out with gentle caresses. A hairbrush lays abandoned on the vanity in front of you, and silently you contemplate, whether you'll ever have the opportunity to have your hair brushed by her. 

- You must find his weakness, what drives him to do what he does. And then control it.

- I don't want to control my husband - the words spill out of your lips, before you have the chance to stop them - I want to love him, to support him. To give him children he'll love, children I'll love. 

Tears fall in heavy waterfalls down your cheeks. You haven't had the luxury of a good cry since your betrothed had arrived, and it feels divine. Letting your body shake and shiver, wrecked by uninhibited sobs, as your Mother looks down upon you, torn between the two roles she must fulfill. 

The more you've thought about your situation, the more hopeless you felt. The Harkonnens will never let you see your family again, you're sure of it. You'll have to deal with all the horrors of Giedi Prime entirely on your own, with no support from your husband, no friends, no family. And your children, as they are sure to come, will be taken away from you. Thrown into the black and white, until there's no love left in them. 

The Emperror is a cruel man, you think. An execution would've been a kinder end. 

- Why did you have to make me a Daughter? - the way your voice breaks in desperation fills you with shame - Why couldn't you give Father another Son?

You know you've overstepped, as soon as the accusatory tone registers in your brain. It is far too late by then, and the hands, which just moments before you've fantasized about running through your hair, grip you tightly. Your Mother's face, a constant image of beauty, twists into something darker, something you don't recognize, and you gasp, as her dull fingernails dig into the skin of your wrist.

- Your Father has Paul - her voice is barely above a whisper, blue eyes stabbing you with the intensity of her gaze - I gave him a son, because he asked for a son. Because I loved him enough to give him one. And he can have him. He can fill him with lessons of male leadership, of short-sighted plans. You. You are my Daughter. You are mine, and I've trained you well enough to conquer this task.

A hopeless pit settles itself in the void of your stomach.

You've always known your destiny would be to marry well, to further House Atreides' legacy. And yet, somehow, there was a sliver of hope, treacherously worming itself into your brain. Your Father had Paul, the perfect heir. Surely, he could send him off for the greater good and leave you to your own devices. Let you find someone to care for you, someone you'd do anything for. The thought sits in the pit of your stomach, turning your insides in shame. Still, you can't shake the sinking feeling, that if the universe was kind, you would've been born a Son. 

Your Mother, or more likely, the Bene Gesserit, stands up, a cold chill filling the space where her body used to sit. She regards you once, a stern, unwavering gaze.

- Wear black tomorrow.

Perhaps, you'll die in your sleep tonight. Perhaps the universe will bring you this small mercy.

*** Perhaps you did die. 

Through the haze of dreams, you can see him. Bare, as the day he was born, body gleaming white in the darkness of your room.

You can't move, can't see his face, and when he approaches, every single one of your muscles tense. You shift under the covers, cold tendrills of fear engulfing you entirely. He comes closer, moves like a wild cat, stands at the foot of your bed. 

The need to run is overwhelming, but your body refuses to listen, as slowly, torturously slowly, he climbs on top of you, defined muscles moving under his skin in a way that reminds you of some cursed demon, rather than a man. His scent fills your nostrils, a mixture of something heady and metalic, and, like a little child scared of the dark, you try to hide your face under the covers. 

This demon version of your betrothed sits down, sculpted thighs squeezing around your sides, and with rising panic you realize, he's slowly choking the life out of you. A fitting end, a welcomed one. Perhaps it would be better to die right now, before you discover what atrocities he plans to commit on your body and mind, after you're wedded. 

Then, his hand reaches behind his back, full lips pull upwards, exposing blackened out teeth. You barely register the glint of his sword, not until he holds it high up, above his hand. You're not allowed a moment to wallow in your confusion, as your future husband brings the weapon down, sinking it with brutal force into your beating heart.

You awake screaming.

***

In the morning, you pull a black tunic over your head, remnants of your dream clinging to you like an unwanted shadow. 

Every move of the silky fabric against your skin feels like a small defeat, and with your head hung low, you make your way towards the dining hall. Truly, you're not hungry, stomach turning and twisting, a steady presence of nerves keeping your body on edge. Your attendance is required however, such are customs, and it is entirely too eaarly for another lecture about your behaviour. 

As you enter the room, your mask of tired indifference slips just for a second, a mixture of fear and anger flickering in, and out of existence.

 There, opposite of your Father you can see him. Your future husband, the love of your miserable, ending life. Slow horror washes over you, as you suddenly realize that this demonic, otherwordly version of him, which visited you in your nightmares is just how he looks. He greets you with a polite inclination of his smooth head, and you consider not showing any outward sign of repulsion, a small victory on your part. Your Mother doesn't think so, but you dodge her sharp eyes in favor of greeting your brother.

It doesn't go unnoticed, the way Feyd Rautha's eyes drink in greedily the sight of you embracing Paul. His gaze lingers on your smile, and he raises his cup to his lips, scrunching his nose ever so slightly at the unfamiliar drink he's been offered. You want to ask, if they have coffee on Giedi Prime, but the question is forcefully swallowed down. You will not talk to this man. He will never know anything more than contempt from you. Curse your Mother's words, you'll fight this battle every day, on your own, if you have to. 

- My Daughter will show you around the training barracks after breakfast - Duke Leto announces, and you freeze with a cup of coffee half-way to your lips.

- Will I? - you ask, trying to control the edge in your voice. 

- Na-Baron has made inquires about a place to train - your Father explains, giving you a meaningful side eye - You'll accompany him. 

The coffee tastes like rot in your mouth, and you place your cup down with a note of finality. You won't look at him, you don't have to. That knowing smirk could be felt through the very particles flowing in the air, every single one laughing at your predicament. 

Despite your best efforts, the breakfast comes to an end, your family slowly rising to attend to their duties. Your Father, ever the cordial man, bids his farewells to the unwelcomed guest. Your Mother does the same, albeit sounding more honest. Paul lingers as long as Lady Jessica allows him, until he is forced to retreat by a slender hand tugging mercilessly on his elbow. A gesture both of you know intimately from your childhoods. 

Before you know it, you're left alone with the pale imitation of a man. He arises slowly from his seat, smoothly making his way towards you, each of his footsteps echoing in the dining room. 

- Shall we, my Lady? 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his offered hand, like a white spider living just outside of your vision. With a shudder, you slip out of your chair, trying very hard not to touch him, and failing immediately, when his broad chest nearly pushes you back into your seat. 

He smells nice, your brain betrays you, the scent bringing back images from your night terror, causing an involuntary shiver to run up your spine. With averted gaze, you turn to leave, ignoring his still extended hand. He follows you like a shadow, catching up to you in no time, as you slide through the corridors of the Palace. It's uncomfortable, to say the least, walking with him behind your back. His eyes bear into you, a prickly feeling at the base of your neck making you roll your shoulders.

It follows you, as he follows, right to the very destination. All in blessed silence, a small miracle to save this already dreadful morning.

The men, launging about at the training barracks freeze in their spots, and your heart nearly jumps out of your chest, when Duncan Idaho catches your eyes. His skin has a beautiful, warm tone, highlighted by the morning sun flowing into the room through the windows. You nod, he nods back, an unspoken understanding blooming between the two of you. There could be no suspicion of any closer bond, lest this engagement would be called off. A result, perhaps favorable to you personally, but your family would never live down the shame. And you would never jeopardize Paul's future, no matter how hollow yours looked.

- You have a warrior's body - your betrothed comments, as he inspects the blades laid out on a small table - Do you train here as well?

Small talk, you could do small talk. With a sigh, you tear your gaze away from Duncan, and turn to the Harkonnen, forcing something resembling a polite smile to bloom onto your features. 

- Yes, I do - you answer curtly, eyes falling onto elegant, white fingers, sliding over a shiny metal blade. 

- It is not a common practice here, is it? - he looks at you, eyes gliding over your stature - Women being trained to fight?

Suddenly very much aware of your body, you cross your arms on your chest, hugging yourself tightly. You don't miss the way his gaze seems to linger on the low neckline of your tunic, and with bitterness on your tongue you wonder, has this man ever felt ashamed. 

- Not common, but it does happen - your voice betrays your emotions, a sharp edge settling over your tone, causing the man to arch an eyebrow.

Finally, he settles onto a chosen blade, bringing it up to the light and with laser focus observing the way particles dance on the steel surface. Then, he looks back at you, catching you in the act of observing the prominent, lean muscles on his neck. You ignore the knowing smirk and will your blushing cheeks to suddenly become devoid of color.

They don't, of course, and you scurry to the side of the table, to fiddle with the rest of the weaponry. Your favorite training blade is there, and instinctually, your hand reaches for it. 

- Train with me.

The request catches you off guard, and you shoot him a questioning look, one he deflects with a nonchalant shrug. 

Your muscles flinch, as you drag your hand back from the blade. 

- It would hardly be appropriate - you counter, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your tunic.

To that, he tilts his head, light eyes studying you for a longer moment, until you truly feel uncomfortable under such scrutiny. 

- And suddenly you're worried about what the court says? - he cuts you off, before you have the chance to ask, just what exactly does he mean by that - Perhaps you're too soft to fight me.

- I know what you're doing - you point an accusatory finger at his chest, and the man smiles, blackened teeth peaking between his full lips.

- And what am I doing? - it's hard to ignore the teasing timbre in his voice, and you swallow thickly.

- You're trying to get under my skin.

Shivering under the expected cruel glint in his eye, as another, most likely filthy innuendo purses his lips, you turn to him fully, a serious expression on your features.

- I've seen you fight, Na-Baron - his jaw tightens at the sound of your voice curling around his title - I know you're a force to be reckoned with, I'm not scared to admit that.

He straightens, regards you with furrowed brows for a longer second, until, yet again you start to fidget under his gaze.

- Perhaps then, you're scared you'll hurt me - the mere idea is so preposterous, your head snaps in his direction - If I had known, you liked me that much...

- That is entirely not true, and you know it - you deflect again, although annoyance begins to paint your voice.

Then, his hand shoots out, gripping your arm and pulling you closer. Air seems to thicken around you, as you look up at him, with surprise quickly morphing into outrage. His breath mingles with yours, and you can't seem to look away from his eyes, pupils nearly drowned in the overwhelming blue of his irises.

- Stop hiding, my viper. Fight me.

The command, spoken in a harsh whisper just shy of your lips, turns your insides into molasses. 

His taller form leans down to tower over yours, an intense expression settling over his sharp features. Close to excitement, much too close to desire, even closer to a murderous curiosity. Your throat feels entirely too dry, and before you can stop yourself, you swallow thickly, tongue darting out to lick your lips. His eyes snap almost immediately downwards, and your heart stops beating. You can't see anymore blue in his irises, only black. Darkness covers his eyes reflecting his thoughts, and you feel like you have to flee right now, before something terrible happens to you. 

So you do just that. Ripping yourself away from his closeness, you return to the table, hand finding your chosen blade without really looking. 

Another flash of black teeth, as the Na-Baron realizes what you're doing, and the both of you enable the shields surrounding your bodies. 

The gathered soldiers watch on, as you march towards the center of the room, determination filling every step to the brim. Duncan gives you a look, which you choose to ignore. You can't think about him now, not when you have your honor to defend against this Harkonnen monster of a man. 

Feyd Rautha rolls his shoulders, discards the thin fabric of his dress shirt, and once again you are stricken with his almost god-like physique. The blade looks like an extension of his hand, as he weighs it and slashes the air in front of him. Then, he fixes you with a challenging expression, as if he expects you to do the same, to try and best him at some shameless display.

You decide to keep your clothes on, blade held high, ready to strike. 

He jumps from one leg to another, and immediately an orchestra of alarm bells rings out in your brain. Should a man really be this excited at the prospect of fighting his future wife? Should you be this excited? Questions without answers, and before any of you make a move, another one absent-midedly floats to the surface. Just how much can you hurt each other, before the wedding is concluded? How much you'll inevitably hurt each other after?

The darkness he has brought on the ship with him must be contagious, because despite your better judgement, you smile. A sharp smirk, that makes your eyes look less like a human and more like a wild animal. And he drinks it all in, as he begins to circle you.

You'd never show him your back, never again. He's a tried and true predator, the only instinct he has, is a killer one. A fact you quickly get aquatinted with, as he unleashes a series of lightning fast strikes your way. 

Immediately you realize, that small show of cruelty he organized at your grandfather's theatre was nothing, compared to what he could truly do. And still, you suspect he's holding back, as you barely dodge a nasty stab, right under your ribs. Another one is blocked against your sheild, and before you have a chance to collect yourself, third one sends you back a couple of steps. 

He doesn't let you get away, with confident steps pushing you further and further out of the center of the training floor.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Duncan Idaho stand up from his place. Thinking back to your last training session, you shudder bitterly. "Never fight in anger" is easy to say, when you're not forced to marry, bed and sunsequently give children to the man you're fighting. 

Panting and sweating, you give Feyd Rautha your all, twirling in place, sliding on your feet. A different kind of choreography, which seems to work surprisingly well, with his almost animalistic force. Gurney taught you how to be powerful, how to land strikes which were as effective, as they were cunning. Duncan, on the other hand, taught you how to dance. So that's what you do.

Finally, you manage to grab at his free hand, locking your feet between his and bringing him closer to your blade. It stops just short of his artery, blocked by his dagger, the clash of metal reverberating through the halls. 

The smirk he gives you is beyond nasty, and forcefully, you push away from him, as if the very idea of skin to skin contact repulsed you. And it does, it truly does, especially now that adrenaline mixed with frustration boils in your head. 

- Again - you snarl his way, assuming your fighting stance.

- As my Lady commands - his voice has a natural growl to it, made even more prominent by the exertion of the fight, and he twists his body into a perversion of a curtsy.

This time you're the one to attack first, ignoring your menthor's words and relying on pure rage to guide your steps. A stab to his thigh, which he deflects with seemingly childish ease. Your tunic slips through his fingers, as you slide under his arm. Out of the corner of your eye you can see his blade, when he hides it into his belt. Confusion hits you suddenly. Was he giving up, why was he hiding his weapon? None of the questions get answered, as a foot curls itself around your ankle.

Your balance leaves you with a gasp of surprise, and soon, your back is on the floor, Feyd Rautha following closely behind. Your heated gaze meets his, as one hand wrenches the blade from your grasp and pins both your arms above your head. The other one supports his weight, as he hovers above you, light bleeding behind him in an unfitting image of a halo. 

Your chest heaves, sweat rolling down your collarbones, and the Harkonnen doesn't even try to hide the way his gaze follows a stray drop of salt, as it disappears between your breasts. 

- You fought well - he complements in a hushed tone, and you writhe desperately under his body.

The night terror rears its ugly head again, as you feel his tighs press onto your sides, almost as if he wants to shape your flesh into the imprint of his body.

- I think I prefer you like this - he whispers, face coming closer to the exposed column of your neck - You belong under me. 

That's what does it. Your face twists into an expression of equal parts disgust, and fury. You won't give him this victory, you'd rather die. Legs tangle themselves around his calves, and you use all your strength fueled by the burning need to fucking hurt him. 

The world spins, two bodies rolling on the floor, and suddenly you're on top of him, legs biting into his hip bones. While one hand supports your weight on his naked shoulder, the other finds the dagger hidden in his belt. The surprised gasp, which leaves his lips feels like music to your ears, and you don't even try to fight the awful smirk splitting your mouth.

The shield on his neck glows an angry red, as you press the tip of the blade down, right under his bobbing Adam's apple. He swallows, for just a second letting you see the mask of self confidence slip. He has quite long eyelashes, you notice, as his eyelids flutter, a low hum reverbating through his chest. Eyes that are neither blue nor completely black drink in the sight of you. The halo of your hair, the snarl on your lips, the curve of your waist, where one of his hands settle. 

Missing all of this, too enraptured by your own fury, you push the blade further down until it pricks his alabaster skin. He hisses through his blackened teeth and you want more, you want him to scream. A thin streak of red begins to flow down his neck, and God help you, it looks like art. 

His grip on your waist tightens, all five fingers digging into your flesh through the thin tunic. Feyd Rautha bares his teeth at you in a cruel smile, one that makes you question whether you're the one in control.

And then his hips roll upwards. 

A barely noticable movement, easily mistaken for a spasm of the muscles, but you know better. You can read it all from his expression, his pupils blown wide, the quickened breaths of air slipping past his lips. From the quickly hardening length pressing against your inner thigh. 

Your stomach flutters with a well known feeling, and that terrifies you more than any pain-motivated erection ever could. Because he sees it, he sees the beginning flames of desire taking root in your center, and the realization looks like ecstasy on his face. Humiliation washes through you, fills you completely. There is no awkward blush on your face, no. All you feel is white, freezing terror, as all your defences seem to crumble all at once.

Like a scared animal, you're off of him in a split-second, and he doesn't chase you, as you all but run from the training barracks. Doesn't have to, he already has everything he needs. 

[twomiddlefingersforthehaters]

"My boby moved on its own" is an SNS trope . Sasuke is the type of person who always does something for Naruto and then finds a logical reason to cover that up.

1. His reason for offering his bento to Naruto

2. His reason for looking after Naruto who had been training all night.

3. His reason for to Save Naruto from Haku's attack.

4. His reason for why he wasn't able to kill Naruto in vote1

5. His reason for protecting Naruto from Obito

It gets so intense every time he protects Naruto from Obito. And Naruto notices how Sasuke protecting him from the attacks every time. Even when his Susanoo is already protecting Naruto, his hand is also going there to shield him.

We've never seen Sasuke do anything like this for Sakura, while with Naruto it's pretty consistent throughout the series. And Why do you think Kishi made 5 scenarios like this to point that out? Sasuke wouldn't do this kind of thing for anyone else. Absolutely no one. So what impression does it make?

In this war arc, Sakura herself acknowledged to the fact that Sasuke didn't care about her:

When Sakura ran up to Madara to get stabbed, both Naruto and Kakashi were either terrified or shocked as she plunged on someone she couldn't deal with. And Sasuke's expression was completely different from the others, he was just focused on the opening to attack madara. Where are Sasuke's instincts when it comes to Sakura? And the one who saved her was Naruto. Look at her dejected face! Even she herself accepting the fact that Sasuke doesn't even worry or care about her. Also, Sasuke put Sakura and Kakashi in their place by calling them "useless" directly to their faces while they were being protected under his Susanoo.

You know, Naruto is the one who asks Kakashi and Sakura to stay closer to him...without knowing what's going on up there. And, Sasuke was talking specifically to Naruto to not move around when he comes down to Naruto and he didn't mention the other two. He only wanted to save Naruto with his Sasunoo from the infinite tsukuyomi, but Sakura and kakashi just happened to be near with Naruto.

And Sasuke himself openly said Kakashi and Sakura just happened to be next to Naruto and that's all! Once again Sakura looked so dejected and realizes it even more in this scene. It's very clear that Sasuke didn't care about kakashi & Sakura. When Sasuke summons a hawk , and Naruto points to the right and says, "Sasuke!! Over there!!" to help Kakashi and Sakura, but Sasuke only saves Naruto

We know that Naruto cares about others and Sasuke knows this very well. And Sasuke is the character who will PROTECT those he cares about in dire situations. And who has he been saving repeatedly? NARUTO. But what Sasuke says and his actions are an underscoring for Naruto to prioritize his own safety and life in the war. Sasuke has a valid point that everything would be over if he and Naruto were to die, but it doesn't erase the fact that he doesn't care about Sakura and Kakashi and almost let them die because he was busy saving Naruto, a person who wasn't even in danger to begin with.

Simply put, he would protect Naruto, no matter what. And all Sasuke's actions are completely and purely instinctive and derived from his sub-consciousness.

To which Naruto said,

Raw: お前の言ってることも分かってるつもりだ... けど... こういう時は体が勝手に動いちまうもんだ ろ... 橋での時────

Romaji: omae no itteru koto mo wakatteru tsumori da ... kedo... kōiu toki wa karada ga katte ni ugoichimau mondaro ...kyōde no tokiーーー

Literal: I think I understand what you're saying. But...in this situation, a body moves on its own (unconciously)... Just like that time on the bridgeーーー

What he meant: " just like your body moved on its own to save me on the bridge.... my body also move on its own to save Kakashi & Sakura". Because Naruto does care about Kakashi & Sakura. Therefore, he cannot ignore them falling into the lava and dying.

The Land of the Waves arc, specifically the battle with Haku and Sasuke's sacrifice, was pivotal to Naruto and Sasuke's relationship, as they both realized for the first time how important and deeply they care for each other. It was a very emotional moment for both of them.

When they came back from Land of waves, Naruto couldn't even look at him without blushing, and then Sasuke couldn't even look at him at all. They'd rather die in this moment than admit that how much they care for each other, but their actions speak louder than words.

Whenever something happens between these two, there are always other characters pointing out what's going on. After they return to Konoha, Kishi uses Sakura to point this out, even though it's clearly visualized in the panel:

Raw: あ〜〜〜まだだわ!

Romaji: a〜〜〜madadawa!

Literal: Ahh〜〜〜 Not again!

Raw: この2人...波の国から帰って来てからちょっ と変なのよね...

Romaji: kono 2 nin...ha no kuni kara kaettekite kara chotto hennanoyone...

Literal: These two... have been acting somewhat/ a bit weird ever since we came back from the land of waves...

Raw: づ〜〜〜 何だか気詰まり...

Romaji: zu〜〜〜 nandaka kizumari...

Literal: oh〜〜〜 I feel ill at ease for some reason....

Raw: 早く来い来い! カカシ先生!! じゃーんなろー!!

Romaji: hayaku koikoi! kakashi sensei !! Shānnarō!!

Literal: Hurry up and get here! Kakashi-Sensei!!

Notes:

変な (henna) - strange; odd; peculiar; weird; queer; eccentric; suspicious; fishy; disturbance; funny; abnormal; unusual etc... It is used as a colloquial word that has many meanings.

何だか気詰まり (nandaka kizumari): somehow I feel awkward; Somehow I feel uncomfortable; I don't know why, but I feel ill at ease.

• the author choose the length of prolonged sound mark (ーーー) longer to implying that the sound is prolonged for longer than normal. e. g: Naruto saying "Time on the bridge."

• prolonged sound mark → a wave line (〜〜〜) is used instead of a straight line (ーー)...this often represents a deliberate prolonging of the sound by the character who speaks it or just a trembly, shaky voice of the character.

Only Naruto and Sasuke knew what happened on the bridge, others like Sakura and Kakashi didn't know about it or not very clear about what exactly happened there. Later, Sasuke & Naruto didn't talk about it, but this scene always comes at crucial moments that point to their "precious person". Finally after 5 years, saving Naruto from falling into the lava leads to Naruto talking about what happened on the bridge.

Sasuke saves Naruto even when he knows Naruto could have saved himself because of Kyuubi Mode, but Sasuke has been known to save Naruto even when he doesn't need saving. We also know that Sasuke would rather give Naruto a stupid and lame excuse than tell the truth straight to Naruto's face. So, this isn't the first time Sasuke prioritize Naruto over Sakura, a pattern that has been repeating since Kishi introduced Sasuke to the story in Chapter 3.

Naruto's feelings for Sasuke grew stronger at this point. After everything Naruto had been through and talking to Sasuke every time they met, Naruto knew for sure that Sasuke still cared for him. Naruto could see through Sasuke's actions. Naruto truly understand and knows that Sasuke cares for him and that's why he mentioned what happened in the Land of Waves.

Naruto only says "bridge", but of course Sasuke knows that he was talking about that time at "The Bridge in the Land of Waves."

Sasuke had a reaction to Naruto's words. No matter what Naruto says, he wouldn't say anything... Sasuke is probably trying to show that he's "unfazed," but in reality, he might be "fazed" because Naruto has seen through his heart.

Sasuke's reaction... His facial expression is hidden by his hair and "not visible," but this "invisibility" stirs up the reader's imagination

And he's confidently teasing Sasuke: "Even though I asked you to save them, you saved me...because your body moved on its own... because you cared about me. so I'm sure you understand my feelings to save them....Sasuke"

However, the "meaning" of this conversation...is something only Naruto and Sasuke can understand and it's their extremely personal thing (because the events on that "bridge" are memories shared only by the two of them). Kakashi & Sakura certainly not aware of this peculiar phenomenon that is unconsciously moving bodies.

Sakura's "inner words"... they really express her current feelings. Sakura is convince herself that what Sasuke says is "reasonable." Look at what Sakura says, she herself agrees with Sasuke: "It's as Sasuke-kun says (we're useless)... but (thank you, Naruto for caring about us)...." Sasuke didn't care about her desperate attempts to get his attention. And Even she herself acknowledged it, you know!

Years ago Naruto & Sasuke couldn't even look at each other pretending nothing happened, but now Naruto was talking about it with confidence. And he's clearly flirting with Sasuke.

[zahri-melitor]

Bruce’s age:

Look, DC have spent the last 40 years or so making this difficult to pinpoint, given they want to have as much play in his age as possible so he doesn’t feel ‘too old’, but we do have some indications.

1. Leaving for his world trip:

Bruce leaves Gotham somewhere between 14-18 years old. There are some sources that he left at 14 (including the Zero Year timeline, of all places), which leads to the joke that the family are fighting to have characters finish Year 9, but others suggest he finished high school and then left. I like Bruce leaving at 18ish a lot more, simply because it makes concealing the whole situation a lot easier, and it gives Bruce access to his inheritance to FUND the trip.

2. How long was the world trip?

This is one of the places where I believe DC about it being YEARS. Bruce had a lot to study, and studied it with a lot of people, even if you don’t want to pop a hidden degree in the trip at some point. Narrative indications vary from ‘a few years’ out to a decade, particularly for timelines that start his trip at 14.

Zero Year, which is the most recent time DC seriously looked at the component parts of Bruce’s backstory, premises part of the plot on Philip Kane having to navigate whether they were declaring Bruce dead - because he’d been missing for more than 7 years on the trip.

I think the shortest reasonable timeline length we can look at for the trip is 3ish years, given the specifics we know are packed into this, and the fact that in-universe it gets written off as Bruce’s gap years/time at uni before coming back to Gotham as a full adult.

3. How old was Bruce for Year One?

I tend to place him somewhere between 21-25 when he first appears as Batman. He’s an adult, he had full control of Wayne Enterprises (or is in the process of regaining control) to fund what he needs, and just the sheer basics of the timeline demand it (again, timelines that say he was 14 tend to be the same ones that suggest Bruce was gone for close to a decade. That’s WHY they send him at 14, to fit all that training time in).

Where in that early 20s range Bruce is is never quite explicit, but we do also have the additional datapoint that Bruce and Clark tend to be portrayed as within a year of each other in age, and Batman and Superman debut as heroes the same year.

Clark can’t be Superman in Metropolis until he’s finished his journalism degree. He’s got to be 22+ in the modern, post-Crisis timeline (ignoring any time as Superboy if you’re keeping that continuity).

And if you pull in Clark…you have stories like American Alien, where Clark crashes Bruce’s 21st birthday party, which takes place while Bruce is still ‘missing’ and before Ollie ends up on his island. None of the three of them are heroes yet, and they’re all about 21 in that story.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a story indicating Bruce came home any earlier than at 21.

4. How old was Bruce and Dick in Year Three?

Taking everything above into account: Bruce has to be at least 23 years old in Year Three, and could easily be a few years older than that. Dick’s somewhere between 8 and 12 years old.

I don’t particularly like using ‘Dick was 8’ timelines, though I’ve written them before to fit Dick being 8 in with Tim’s necessary timeline to be at the circus and start as Robin at 13. It always just feels somewhat unnecessary, it puts a bunch of extra unused for story years into Bruce and Dick’s time as Batman and Robin that only exist to make Bruce older and there are at least as many retellings and probably more that place Dick at 10+ years old in Year Three. Bruce and Dick’s time as Batman and Robin can already last 8 years using him being aged 10 in Year Three. Pushing their time together out to 10 years puts a fair amount of strain on the timeline for not a lot of benefit in terms of storytelling, as does making Dick’s ‘graduation’ to Nightwing as happening anywhere earlier than late age 17.

The other thing is Damian. We are pretty certain (as post-Crisis ages progress linearly from ALPOD to Flashpoint in the Bats really neatly) that Damian was 10 years old and Dick was 24-25 years old for Batman Reborn. There’s a tendency to preference readings of the timeline that match this to Bruce and Dick’s own age gap, for the parallels it generates, and as seen above, the general assumptions on the timeline already put them into the ballpark of that working.

I don’t insist that Bruce was exactly 24 and Dick was 10 in Year Three, but they both were probably each with a year or so of those ages, given the timeline constraints we have. It could be 23 years and 12 years, it could be 27 years to 9 or 10, but it’s probably going to equalise about that 14 year age gap.

And yes in the current era, that does place Dick as likely being about 28-30 years old and Bruce as in his early 40s. There’s really no point trying to special plead Dick and Bruce’s age gap down to 10 years or less at this point to drop him back into his late 30s rather than in his early 40s; it’s not providing much benefit on the ‘preventing Bruce from getting too old’ front. He’s getting old for maintaining his peak fitness level. We can’t get around that without the sort of surgery done by the n52 timeline, and nobody liked that.

[rambyol]

Analysis: The ‘Stab’ 🔪

With the Deadpool & Wolverine car 'fight' scene currently trending, I thought it would be a good chance to share how homoerotic subtext plays into the final fight scene between Bruce and Joker.

"He's penetrated him." - Bryan Fuller, in reference to Hannibal Lecter & Will Graham's fight in the Season 2 finale.

1) Positioning | Placement

In the above image, which takes place after Bruce resuscitates the Joker, we can see that Bruce is straddling Joker. They’re situated this way for a good few minutes, and this position is very intimate especially with Bruce’s hands positioned directly on Jokers chest, and those hands stay there right up until the end of the scene.

Now, one would argue that the only reason for the characters to be placed this way is because they were in the middle of a fight and being on top of an opponent gives you an advantage, and when Joker is unconscious, it makes sense for Bruce to resuscitate him from directly above which is the point from where he’ll be able to put more force into Jokers chest. And I agree that this makes sense for the fight choreography and scene.

However, it can’t be the only reason for why they’re positioned like that. Remember, once Joker gains consciousness and becomes fully aware of his surroundings, he makes no move to push, shove, or fight Bruce off. Perhaps he’s given up, since before he fell unconscious he freely invited Bruce to hurt him, and we will return to this later. Regardless of why he doesn’t move Bruce off of him, it’s evident through his lack of protest against Bruce above him that we can safely assume it, at the very least, that Joker doesn’t mind Bruce is sitting that way.

Consider this also, we recognise that from a combat perspective, if you manage to get on top of an opponent your main goal is to keep that position and how do you do that? You press against them, using virtually all of your body weight. So yes, despite the animation, Bruce isn’t just casually sat straddling the Joker here, they are pressed together, even after Joker wakes up.

2) The ‘Stab’, The Groan, & The Lingering

Have a look at the first image. Here, Bruce is admitting to the fact that he did have fun with John, a response we know that Joker wanted to hear because the alternative choice (where Bruce wishes they’d never met) leads Joker to respond with, “You say the cruelest things Bruce, But I know you don’t mean them.” So when you pick the ‘good’ option, you know for a fact that the feeling between them is mutual—

And that’s when we get to the ‘stab’.

Fullers quote (See top of page) was in reference to Hannibal; (I’m paraphrasing here) Where Hannibal Lecter stabbing Will Graham is meant to symbolise sexual penetration. I mean the term isn’t specifically sexual, he does literally penetrate him. But what does this have to do with Telltale Batjokes? Well, Will Graham getting stabbed is a turning point/transformative moment for the character, from that point forward there’s a change and something has shifted emotionally and mentally in the character. You’ll have to watch the show for yourself, but trust that it’s not necessarily a moment that’s shocking because a person was stabbed but shocking because the scene is so intimate.

Joker stabs Bruce after he hears what he wanted to, that Bruce did enjoy their time together. So when Joker ‘stabs’ him, it’s not a malicious act but a lustful one. Directly after, Joker says, “I hope you’ll look at that scar and remember those good times.” What else, could one put on anothers body, so that when the recipient looks at it, they’d be reminded of their ‘physical altercation’ with the other?

…well...a hickey. Or really any mark.

Still not convinced this has sexual undertones? Good, cause I’m not done.

When Bruce is stabbed, the scene shifts to an interesting angle. (See above) Joker is staring directly at Bruce as he stabs him, mainly to throw him off so it comes as a surprise but if you watch the scene, Bruce groans in pain for a prolonged period of time and we get a close up of his face where he turns his head and opens his mouth, which draws out the sound more. Groaning can be interpreted as a sound made out of pleasure, release of tension, etc.,

Throughout this series, we’ve seen him be stabbed, but he’s never had a reaction like this. It’s usually a short hiss of pain or a small groan. Here, it’s so prolonged and Bruce makes ZERO attempt to stop this, he doesn’t fight back or even grab for the knife, or Joker’s hand. In fact, in the clip, he briefly reaches towards Joker.

Remember when I said we’d return to Joker inviting Bruce to hit him earlier? Well here’s that:

3) Joker - Deriving pleasure from violence

There’s an emphasis on Joker observing Bruce’s pained expression, and with what we know about Joker being drawn to violence in addition to how he’s very sadistic as a villain, a quality that was always present in him when we recall how ‘excited’ he gets by violence or specifically, people fighting, being in pain, and so on.

It’s important to understand that even as John, he always had an affinity for violence. Especially when Bruce is a part of it; We see it at the Stack Deck where he records the fight between Bruce and Willy, The Pacts Hideout where he laughs gleefully at Bruce beating up the henchman (if you choose it), and most notably, recording the fight between Bruce and Catwoman!

Why is that important? Because Bruce & Catwoman are a binary opposition to John and Harley, and their fight scene at Riddler's hideout is perceived as flirtatious to John. At Café Triste, John admits that the fight between Bruce and Catwoman got his “pulse pounding”. In other words, it turned him on.

John is always caught off guard by physical affection, like when Harley kisses him on the cheek after she gets the phalanx key or hugs him after the interrogation with Bruce, despite wanting her attention. It’s not that he doesn’t like it, it’s that instead of physical affection, he arguably prefers physical violence. But only when he can observe/control it.

So my point is, during the 'stab', Joker is watching Bruce's reactions intently because it's arguably pleasurable for him. And Bruce who is at the very least somewhat aware that Joker likes seeing others in pain, makes no attempt to suppress his own but instead 'sit' in it for a moment until he physically can't sit up anymore.

Before I conclude this , I just wanted to mention how the game takes its time to focus on physical contact between Bruce and John on multiple occasions.

Honourable mentions:

A) Bridge Scene

B) Sad/Drunk John

C) Convincing Tiffany

D) The Pinky Swear

(Ending on the iconic one)

Ultimately, this fight scene isn't just one with sexual undertones but also an amalgamation of built up tension which was created over time through subtle physical contact between Bruce and John throughout the game which was finally released.

The End.

【 Any additional info or notes I add on to this will be indicated in pink text 】

[randomly--accessed--memories]

@storm-ismyusername

1 - How does 60sMindbreak!Vox condition different from regular RAM? (Can he remember specific events? Is he less scatterbrained and distractible? Does he break less things while at the hotel?)

Vox would probably be significantly more mellow than his main RAM counterpart. He's still distractible, high-energy, and struggles with short-term memory, but he's far more stable. There's not a 50 year gap in his memory, he doesn't have the trauma of the torture or his confinement to grapple with, and he's more or less acclimated to the way his mind works now. No one's afraid that he's going to suddenly fall apart for no clear reason and set the building on fire in this verse– he's just Alastor's offbeat, old-fashioned friend/lackey who probably shouldn't be left alone for long periods of time.

2 - Since Alastor broke Vox before he became an Overlord does he have less powers/is weaker than regular RAM?

It's sort of a weird situation. They're equal in terms of power level since neither has any active contracts anymore, but their levels of experience are difference. Main RAM Vox had become very adept at using his powers before the broadcast, after which he lost control over them, although there's still a bit of "muscle memory" there. 60s Vox never had those years of refining his powers, but he isn't starting from scratch like main Vox is. Not sure who would be more powerful since it's not exactly clearcut.

3 - How is Vox's relationship with Velvette different from canon? How is Valentino's relationship with Velvette different from canon?

My interpretation of canon Vox and Vel's relationship is that he's her mentor. He respects her abilities, but still can be a bit condescending to her. Velvette sees him as old (despite his best efforts) and kind of cringey, but she also recognizes that he's incredibly clever and his advice is worthwhile. For Valentino and Velvette, I think Valentino's opinion of Velvette changes with his mood. Sometimes he thinks she's cool and fun, other times she's a spoiled bitch who needs to get off her high horse. Velvette repeats Valentino as an overlord, but not as a person. His temper tantrums are ridiculous and she's not sure why Vox puts up with him– the sex must really be that good. However, Vel's not one to turn down partying with someone just because they're a pain to deal with sometimes. Her and Val can totally get along, so long as he's not stepping on her toes.

In this AU, Vox isn't as self-impressed as he is in the main verse, so he sees Velvette as more of a friend than someone whose raw potential he needs to mold. He might still have his quasi-paternal moments, but he mostly talks to her as an equal. Valentino tries to shut her out at first, but as time goes on, he realizes how fun and clever she can be and starts opening up to her a bit. Velvette starts off her character arc thinking that Vox is a freak and Valentino is a miserable shit. She ends it feeling like she's finally found her people. Yeah, they're freaks, but they're her freaks. She doesn't want to part ways with them; maybe if all this redemption shit doesn't work out and they all break free of their masters, they could be a team.

4 - What does Velvette think of Charlie, Vaggie, Sir Pentious (if he's still there), and Alastor? What does Valentino think of Charlie, Vaggie, Sir Pentious (if he's still there)?

Velvette's giving "sullen teenager" during her first month or so at the hotel. Like mainverse Angel, she doesn't take any of the redemption exercises seriously and can be kind of a bitch to deal with. Her and Vaggie clash a lot because of her attitude. Charlie is endlessly patient with her and thinks that once she can get her to open up, she'll buy in. Velvette bullies Pentious if he's around. Eventually, Velvette starts to chill out and becomes a bit softer with the OG hazbins.

Valentino is also hard to deal with. He's moody, thinks Charlie's mission is laughable, and is prone to making deeply cutting sarcastic remarks. His relationships with the original cast are similar to Velvette's, being mostly antagonistic until they start growing on him a bit. It takes longer for him to come around than Velvette, though.

5 - What would Velvette's reaction to seeing Mindbreak Niffty scuttling around the hotel? (Such a contrast to the cutthroat woman she worked under.

It makes Velvette's hair stand on end. She may not have liked Niffty, but this is just scary, seeing her turned inside out like this. Velvette was already leery of Alastor, but now she's actually afraid of him.

6 - What would Valentinos react to seeing Mindbreak Niffty so helpless? Would he try to hurt her (but she would like the pain) or has he grown enough of a conscience to just ignore her instead?

I'm not confident enough in my characterization of Valentino to say. We could meet in the middle and say he does something to hurt her as revenge, she reacts positively, and he's freaked out, deciding it's not worth it.

7 - Would Niffty and Vox's relationship be slightly different?

Depends on how malleable Vox's grasp on reality is. He could forget that she used to be Velvette's boss/accept Alastor's claim that Everything's Fine, She's Part Of The Team Now and start treating her like a friend, or he could be a bit more hesitant.

1 - Velvette and Valentino making fun of Alastor's stupid haircut while Vox tries (and fails) to defend it. (He secretly thinks it looks stupid too).

Valentino and Velvette are high school mean girls and Vox is trying not to give in to peer pressure (but there's a mean girl deep down inside him too, just waiting to come out).

2 - Thinking about when Vaggie flung the Hotel residents into a literal war zone. Velvette doesn't know how to fight! She was a regular teenager before dying and was snatched up by Niffty quickly after arriving in Hell so never learned to fend for herself. I can see Velvette completely freaking the entire time, potentially using Sir Pentious as a (in)human shield, and relying entirely on Valentino and Vox to not be brutally maimed or worse. This would probably be the moment Velvette became actual friends with Valentino and Vox. (Also when she realized how dangerous Vox truly is when he electrocutes an entire block. (Vaggie just assumed Velvette could fight and is horrified when she learns she threw a non combatant in the middle of a literal war zone. She would definitely apologize afterwards.)

Velvette probably has some self-defense skills, but not enough to hold her own in the Doomsday District. She definitely would try to use Pentious as a meat shield and is lowkey in awe when Valentino and Vox suddenly reveal themselves as highly competent fighters. Vaggie might've been too preoccupied with her musical number to notice that Velvette wasn't fully participating in the fight (until Val gave her one of his guns, that is).

3- After Vaggie finds out how Alastor maims Valentino including removing and selling his wings) she tries to reach out to him. At first Valentino pushes her away and lashes out, thinking it's pity when really it's empathy. Vaggie finally managed to break through his shell when she hand sewed him an eyepatch. After that he doesn't completely push her away and they start to become kinda-sorta-almost friends, eventually.

Vaggie and Val, the two most prickly people in the hotel, making nice. Charlie would be proud if she wan't preoccupied with the "Alastor's been abusing my friends" realization.

4- I think Valentino's eyesight looks like this:

Don't know enough about low vision to dispute this. He probably has depth perception issues given how he's missing an eye.

5 - Husk, Niffty, and Angel Dust are nicknamed The Glamours~ by regular Sinners because of their glamorous looking lifestyles and how much time they spend together.

Cool

6 - Alastor's a lot softer with Vox than in regular RAM He's a 1-3 out of 10 on maliciousness, breaking Vox was a complete accident and he tries his best to be kind to him. (Still a monster to Valentino though.)

That would be interesting, and has the potential to be kind of sweet in a messed up way. Alastor might've taken what happened with Vox as a lesson: don't be reckless with your powers and don't act out of anger. He ended up breaking his friend because he got too caught up in their fight and tried something rash. It'd make him even more infuriating to deal with from Valentino's perspective though. Alastor maintains that he's not hurting him out of spite (well, not entirely), he's just doing what's necessary to correct him. Valentino thinks that's a crock of shit, but if he says so, he's putting himself in danger.

60s Swap: Valentino experiencing phantom pains from his missing wings (and arm).

Mental image of Vox and Val sitting together quietly as Val "flexes" his missing arm. Vox doesn't know what to say or do, so he just decides to be there with him.

60s Swap: Velvette takes Angel Dust's role where would she take the group in episode 3?

Velvette probably wouldn't volunteer a location, she just sits there making snide comments until Vaggie snaps and tells her that if she's so smart, why doesn't she pick the trust exercise? Velvette takes them to the mall. The exercise is "trust me with your credit cards." Vaggie wants to throttle her but– shit, where did Vox go?

What would Velvette, Vox, and Valentino think of Lucifer and vice versa?

Vox is excited to meet royalty and tries to schmooze with him (the effect is slightly ruined by the fact that Vox is talking so fast that Lucifer thinks he's on coke). Valentino doesn't really give a fuck, but enjoys watching him and Alastor bicker. Velvette's curious at first, thinking Lucifer is going to be some cool, cunning anti-hero, and is lowkey disappointed when he turns out to be just some cringey dad. His and Charlie's reconciliation may have touched her just a tiny bit, though.

[niobiumao3]

I've been thinking about the whole Crosshair and CX-2 situation, and I am beginning to wonder if, should CX-2 prove to be Tech, Crosshair didn't, in fact, know.

In an interview before the premiere, Michelle Ang mentioned Crosshair getting to see forgiveness and real love in the face of a great betrayal. Now, Crosshair's great betrayals are long past. So, is this some NEW betrayal? Is it someone ELSE betraying and being forgiven? CX-Tech fits the later very neatly, however, there might be another option: that Crosshair DOES know CX-2 is Tech, and has been not telling everyone because he blames himself for it happening and is sure they'll all turn him out the second they discover it (Omega included).

I'm of two minds here.

Crosshair didn't know, because Tech was put straight into conversion from medical care, and so Crosshair never saw him.

Crosshair DOES know, and feels black-hole sized guilt about it to the point where he can't bring himself to tell anyone.

In the #2 bucket goes a few things:

We see, repeatedly, that Crosshair isn't saying everything about Tantiss. This is as true for Hunter (the person always mentioning this) as it is for us, as our POV on Tantiss was almost exclusively Omega. Hunter knows Crosshair hasn't told them everything, and isn't going to push him except in specific instances where it really woulda been nice to know.

We do know that the CX conditioning is bad. Like, really bad, bad enough that wiping out your identity--not just the chip but like, you, yourself--is part of it. Or, so Crosshair says (and Tech in S2), though of course the truth of that might be more complex. This is reason enough for him to not talk about things. Except...

When Rex and Howzer explain they have a CX in custody Crosshair is immediately spooked. Then he's even MORE upset when he sees who it is. Or is it because of who it isn't?

If he knew CX-2 was Tech, and sees CX-1, he knows there is only one other CX they're sending after them, and the absolute last thing he would want is for them to have to kill Tech to get away. Or worse, kill the person who used to be Tech and can't be reclaimed (from his POV). Either way, from his POV, it is all bad news that CX-2 is inbound.

And as much as I feel Cross just isn't a hand to hand badass, at the end of his one on one with CX-2, he is clearly giving up. Everything CX-2 is saying is battering him emotionally and dousing the fight in him. Which makes a lot of sense, if he knows it's Tech.

For #1, well, the explanation is much simpler: we, and Omega and Crosshair, never see Tech in CX conditioning because he was in a bacta tank for part of it and then into a pod for the rest. He might have even converted quickly if we're to assume he had amnesia from the fall. (I suspect, should he prove to be CX-2, we won't get an explanation for this.) This actually would give Omega AND Crosshair some severe guilt, realizing when they escaped they left Tech on Tantiss in Hemlock's not-so-stellar care. It makes sense Crosshair would never want to go back--the conditioning sounds pretty awful. But then his reaction to CX-1 is a little less clear; we know there aren't very many CXes at this point, so why is THIS one such a concern to him? He just appears to be a reg. And CX-1's use of 'brother' is also very pointed. Which would make sense if CX-2 is Tech, who would have referred to Crosshair as his brother...

Anyways. We'll see if this pans out. I'd considered this might be the case even as I was like 'are we really doing that', and while I'm not a fan of this plot in the overall, like a cat being dragged outside on a harness for some enrichment I can grudgingly accept it. Mostly.

[dragqueenstarscream]

So I’m someone who is also an abuse survivor whose my situation was eerily similar to Starscream's in a lot of ways, I was initially writing this as a response to your post from a few days ago about why writing TFP Starscream redemption is really hard, but it kinda sorta grew beyond that a little bit so I figured I’d send it as an ask. I’m also not 100% sure how much of this is actually true and how much of it is just me projecting onto him so. yea

I feel like a big part of why it'd be really hard to put Starscream with the autobots, more specifically if the war isn't over yet, is that when Starscream isn't at Megatron's side he has an intense need to be the one responsible for taking him down. If he joined the autobots then at the end of it all Megatron wouldn't see it as *Starscream* taking him down.

The way I see it, Starscream has an intense need to be Megatron's top priority. It's the reason why he's able to on a dime switch from being undyingly loyal to him in one moment and betray him in the next. When he's with Megatron, he makes Megatron his top priority in the hopes that he will in return be Megatron's top priority, and when that doesn't happen, he lashes out and betrays him, because then Megatron *has* to make him his top priority. He couldn’t be his top priority as an ally, so he has to be his top priority as an enemy.

The tragedy of Starscream is that he's so hopelessly dependent on Megatron's attention that it doesn't even matter what form it comes in, which I think is also a big reason why he was willing to put up with the abuse, and is definitely the reason why when he learns about the omega keys the idea of him joining the autobots is barely given a second’s thought. If he joined the autobots he’d just be helping Optimus get the attention from Megatron that’s supposed to be going to *him*. Optimus, the one who this whole time has always been Megatron’s top priority as an enemy, has always had the one thing Starscream really wanted.

He’d rather go back to Megatron, knowing exactly what he’s signing up for in the moment, in hopes that *maybe* once he defeats the autobots and becomes the ruler of Cybertron, things will be different. And anyone can see that they wouldn’t be, but boy is he gonna delude himself into thinking they would.

And he’s not aware of any of this subtext, of course. He’s never gonna catch on that this was what it was always about. anyways I’ve never thought much of OpStar but now that i’m thinking about it there’s actually some sauce there I might have to look into this

this ask took me a while to answer because it genuinely made me think pretty hard about my own personal megatron and my situation there. i know that's weird coming from someone who posts about robot bdsm, but... yeah. yeah you really hit the nail on the head here.

if there's one thing starscream wants above all else, it's to be the center of megatron's attention. maybe in the past it was so that he could be admired by megatron, someone he may have once viewed as an idol or possible friend, but now, that's been subverted. megatron is obsessed with 1.) himself and 2.) optimus, and starscream is neither. if megatron won't pay attention to him for his merits, he'll definitely pay attention when starscream tries to kill him.

and that's why it hurts when megatron dismisses him. because even when starscream tries his damnedest to overthrow megatron, megatron sees him less like a legitimate threat and more like an annoying bug he wants to step on.

of course, starscream could join the autobots. optimus has made it clear that he's willing to welcome decepticons open to changing teams. he tried with dreadwing, and knock out switched sides of his own volition. it's not that decepticons can't become autobots. it's that starscream feels he can't, because then, he loses that attention. he loses megatron, and no matter how much he hates him, it's still a blow to his ego.

hell, the omega keys are the perfect example of this. cybertron was a deserted wasteland. he could've easily restored cybertron and crowned himself king if he wanted. but he threw aside his own dreams and desires (unethical as they may have been) for the attention of someone who wants him dead.

and that's the vicious cycle of abuse. abuse victims can get so caught in that cycle that it's just what they naturally return to, whether it's with their original abuser or someone just like them. victims will put up with so much shit just so they can feel "loved" by their abuser, and when the victim finally decides they've had enough, it can be difficult to just move on. victims may want their revenge, and that makes them their abuser's center of attention again.

it makes me wonder if starscream could ever truly kill megatron. that's the insidious thing about this type of abuse. abusers like this make your whole world revolve around them. once they're gone, you feel this sense of emptiness, this hole in your chest, because they've taken up so much of your life that it's hard to think of much else. it makes me think, even if starscream really did kill megatron, would he be able to break the cycle, or would he just feel an empty hole in his core?

i'm speaking from personal experience here. i won't go into too much detail, but my megatron is one of my parents. they've put me through so much bullshit, some of which actually threatened my life, and yet i still seek their attention because who doesn't want to be loved? who doesn't want attention?

but, like starscream, i get resentful. if they won't notice the good i do for them, they'll certainly notice my anger. i want to lash out and take my revenge. i want them to feel just how much i despise them. and maybe, when i do, things will be different.

but hey, unlike starscream, at least i'm self aware about it.

(on that last note though, yeah, this whole thing is why i love starop so much as a ship, especially with past megop. optimus has moved on from megatron after seeing him for who he really is, and maybe, just maybe, he can help starscream too. but not without some kicking and screaming on starscream's part because change can suck.)

[cakebatteronabrickwall]

After going through the latest chapter, I'm intrigued: how do you interpret the role of verbal and physical violence in these character relationships? This goes beyond just River/Spider or Louisa/Shirley; it's more like common ground or way of interacting between any two of these four characters. I really enjoy the dynamic you've created, and can't wait for the next chapter!

That’s a great question. And it’ll have a long answer, sorry. 

I sort of touched on it a while back in this post, but the thesis was basically- physical violence is a substitute for dealing with underlying issues. Which is hardly revolutionary or very smart, but it is a pretty human thing to do. I also never got around to answering my own question in that post, which was who enjoys violence and why. Tbh, I don’t think any of these four enjoy it (doing it to others or having it done to them) on a larger scale, it’s just an occurrence, because of their job and the situations they manage to get themselves into. But on a more individual level, in terms of relationship dynamics, it becomes sort of murky. 

I do think River does get a little kick out of posing a physical threat, which is why it is admittedly funny whenever the narrative physically incapacitates him in a way where his height or strength or general physicality can’t be leveraged anymore. Looking at his interactions with Webb, he clearly seeks to “overpower” him, using physical violence to make a point or show off, to vent his frustrations, mainly because River thinks any kind of violence against the person who betrayed him is justified (it isn’t! and people only tend to accept it or find it funny because they don’t like Webb lol). If he didn’t, he’d have to deal with how he feels about said betrayal beyond “angry”. Verbally, I wouldn’t necessarily say River is elegant, he’s pretty blunt/direct with his insults and not very creative, so he “has to” resort to physical violence.

Spider is funny, because he’s the opposite. Like, in my own writing I’ll go into it in the coming chapters, but generally it’s obvious that he isn’t the type to work out in the field. From what we see, he isn’t that good at it (though not bad, obviously) and god knows he can’t stand being perceived as not the best at something. He doesn’t ever resort to physical violence which is interesting, because I don’t think he’d be lost in a fight, you know, but he chooses to let River specifically do it. And if you want an insane take on it, it could be because he’ll take that type of closeness over nothing, which is why he provokes it to the point of escalation (in my writing, because i don’t want to say he wanted to have the lights punched out of him in season 1, that was objectively not okay, shout out to River Cartwright). But verbally? He can go in on people, which I could see being a learned thing. He puts that type of violence front and center at the meeting with Pashkin and Donovan, also escalating the situation to his own detriment! Like, there’s something wrong with him, not in a funny way. Also, love writing a character whose insults are plain projections, you could get a lot of milage out of the “lessons on being a man” line alone.

Louisa is interesting, because I want to say she isn’t physically violent but that’s not true, she just uses it very pointedly. To get out of situations, sure, but the Glass House thing is really brutal and calculated and, importantly, very detached from the person on the receiving end (aka literally torture). She also has outburst in season 3 and 4 that I’d qualify as justified. However, the funny thing is that she’s able to be very objective about the payoff of physical violence when it’s not directly about her– she holds River back by reasoning with him (or Shirley in the case of chapter 2). Louisa has a pretty dry sense with insults (if i remember the books right) but she will also be quite direct when communicating. Luckily, I get to put her next to Webb who she will murder verbally not by the way of creative insults but by brutal honesty. She might be guarded and closed off (who can blame her after everything) but she kind of gets something the others don’t; the limits of violence being a substitute for dealing with those difficult emotional truths, even if Louisa cuts these revelations short to not drop her guard too much.

Shirley’s reason for being in Slough House is physical violence, though I don’t think it’s a very good reason given the context. She seems anxious in season 3 to participate in that shoot out, but she’s really good at it, lol, like really good. She should’ve killed that guy who was being inappropriate to her as well, actually. She loves her deadpan insults and threats, but considering she aims those at Marcus as well, I definitely think she uses it as an expression of closeness as well as genuine insults, which could be a parallel to draw to the boys’ dynamic. Shirley and Louisa haven’t interacted that much in canon, so it’s really hard to take that discussion anywhere, but for my story- I’d like to think their classic level-headed vs hot-headed demeanors make them clash on principle, though I really hesitate to project the same type of violence into their relationship as the other two. Frankly, it wouldn’t work even if I tried, considering their lack of history and physical difference.

In terms of the other group dynamics (that’s still gonna develop) I totally see Shirley doing her insults as love language thing to Spider, I think he’s on the same level there. Though I do love writing a good fallout/fight so who knows, maybe physical violence isn’t out of the picture. River and Louisa’s frail friendship will get more spotlight, thankfully they have an established dynamic. To bring this long answer full circle- What I really hope to do is maybe get all of them to a certain point of acknowledgement of their respective relationships to violence, and perhaps elicit change or have them evolve which, honestly, is something Herron unfortunately forbids his characters.

[chahnniesroom]

tenderness | chapter 9: a time to learn

[noun] /ˈtendərnəs/

1. the quality of being gentle, kind, or loving

2. the feeling of pain, aching, or soreness

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in a world where soulmates are rare and precious, you don’t know why the universe has decided to give you one. you never could have imagined that they would be an idol, and one that you worked with at that, or the challenges that would arise from your bond.

chapter word count: 6.8k

chapter warnings: injury recovery, lots of emotions happening

a/n: no words can describe how difficult this chapter was to write haha i apologise for some of the transitions between scenes and also for the fact that i did not proofread more than a cursory skim.

i am not a doctor and i did minimal research on anything medical related

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter | read it on ao3

Chan’s not a doctor and he’s never wanted to be one. But the longer that he spends in the hospital, the more he wishes there was something he could do to help. He knows that in a way, his presence is helping. The doctor tells him that for injuries, a soulmate bond is actually beneficial because sufficient Charge can increase healing times. 

The doctor also explains that the more serious injury is the initial stab wound. The blade had damaged Y/n’s liver, which had required surgery and now demands constant monitoring. It was the main reason that Y/n would have to stay in the hospital for an extended period of time. While the second wound was larger and required more stitches, it was fairly shallow and was expected to heal without any issues. 

As expected, there’s various bruises from the fall, but what surprises Chan is that he’s told Y/n is suffering from a mild concussion. When he had watched the footage that he had saved from social media, he could see that Y/n may have hit her head, but it hadn’t seemed that hard.

It means that Chan hasn’t left the hospital yet. It doesn’t really help that Y/n was specifically brought to the hospital that her father owns and that she’s situated in one of the nicest rooms available. With a large private bathroom, a separate room that has a few couches and low tables to entertain guests, and a large bed that’s almost more comfortable than the one Chan has at home, there’s no reason to leave. Yonghwan has been going back to the dorms to collect clothes and other personal items, like Chan’s laptop and some equipment. After a few days, the boys are allowed to visit too, although only in small groups and for short periods of time. 

Chan kind of hates the medications that Y/n is put on. He knows that she needs them to deal with the pain, to protect her from infection, it's just difficult to witness how they make her woozy and extremely tired, drifting in and out of consciousness. When she is awake, her thoughts are scattered, she can’t concentrate for long periods of time, and she spends most of the time watching Chan as he works or dozing.

It's a relief when she's finally weaned off of the ones that have the worst side effects. 

Although she gets her phone back pretty soon after waking, Y/n doesn’t really touch it until her doctor lets her know that her concussion has healed and she’s been cleared to look at screens without any limitations. Chan has helped her with messaging some of her friends and family, but she seems pleased to have full access to her phone again. Chan leaves her to catch up on everything, taking out his laptop and opening up a track that he’s been trying half-heartedly to finish a first draft of. 

He gets pulled away from his work a couple hours later when Y/n calls his name. She’s biting at her lip and staring with a furrowed brow at something on her phone. He immediately sets aside his laptop and turns to face her, trying not to worry.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Did you- I saw-” Y/n takes a second to gather herself and then flips her phone to show him what she’s looking at. It’s a Twitter fanpage, dedicated to Chan’s Bubble subscription. The last tweets are the updates to his profile picture, background photo, name, and status.

He did it in a fit of anger, knowing it was about as much as he could do without getting in trouble with the company. He wouldn’t dare send any messages about the incident, especially ones that could be twisted the wrong way and end up hurting Y/n, but he couldn’t just sit and pretend everything was okay.

So he deleted it all. Or, rather as much as he could. Replacing the pictures with solid black, leaving the status line empty. He didn’t have as much freedom with his name, but left it as “찬“ and nothing more. He hadn’t sent anything since then, either.

The other members hadn’t changed anything on their profile, but they too had been subdued in their messaging. The first couple of days, they did nothing. After that, Changbin, Jisung, and Felix joined Chan in the continued radio silence. Hyunjin had sent pictures of the sunset, when it was Y/n’s favourite time of the day and the clouds were painted pink against the blue background of the sky. Minho, Seungmin, and Jeongin had messaged only a couple times since then, reminders for Stays to eat well, get lots of rest, and stay safe.

There hadn’t been an official statement released by the company, but news of the incident had spread like wildfire.

“And yesterday was Sunday,” Y/n says slowly. “You were here the whole time, what about Channie’s Room?”

“What about it?”

“You didn’t do it?” When Chan just shrugs in response, Y/n’s brow creases like she’s trying to figure out some sort of puzzle. “What? But you… You always do it. Did the company tell you that you can't?”

“No, they didn't have to. I already let them know I wasn't going to."

"Then why?"

“I didn’t want to. I don’t want to,” Chan says sullenly, even though the explanation makes him feel like a toddler who doesn’t want to share their toys.

“What do you mean? It’s- You promised Stays! Here you can go now, just go to your studio and do a short live. If this is some sort of roundabout punishment for what happened-”

“I don’t want to,” Chan repeats. “All they’re going to do is spam the chat with questions about what happened. I don’t want to deal with that and honestly I don’t know if I can go through that without blowing up on them.”

"But-"

"Is it really so hard to believe that I have had other priorities the past few days? That I don't want to have to pretend that everything is okay?"

Y/n seems to soften at that. Chan reaches out and he catches her hand in his, mindful of the tape and IV that’s attached to it. The Charge warms between them.

“No, no, I’m sorry. It’s-” she hesitates for a moment. “I’m glad that you’re taking a break. Sorry if it felt like I was pressuring you.”

“You weren’t. Everything that I’m doing, it’s my decision. I know everything has been pretty overwhelming lately, but you’re-”

Before he can finish, the door to their room slides open and a nurse steps in to serve them dinner. 

“What were you going to say?” Y/n asks once they’re alone again.

“I don’t remember anymore,” Chan lies. “So it probably wasn’t that important. Let’s eat.”

Chan’s almost glad for the interruption. The moment is gone now and Chan’s just now realising that he has no idea how Y/n would react if he had said what he wanted. That she was his biggest priority right now. That he cares about her. That he would do anything for her. 

He’ll do that later, when they’re at home. When everything has calmed down.

—

Chan wakes to the loud smack of someone’s hand against a table. His face is burrowed into the soft fabric covering Y/n’s shoulder, his arm is wrapped around her waist, and the whole length of his body relaxed by the warm thrum of the Charge. He cracks open one eye and, after seeing that neither Y/n nor Eunsung, who was the source of the noise, have seemed to notice, quickly closes it to feign sleep. 

When Eunsung speaks, his tone is exasperated, like he’s had this conversation multiple times before.

“Are you even listening to yourself? You can’t keep doing this. You have to talk to him about it,” he insists. “The doctor said you have acute fatigue and the only reason it’s getting better is because the two of you are practically glued together right now. The second that he starts going back to schedules, it’s going to be the same as it was before.”

“I was doing fine before,” Y/n defends herself. “Things just got so busy with all the concerts, I forgot to eat enough. As long as I make sure that I’m getting enough calories, it makes up for the Charge. I promise, I'll make sure to take better care of myself."

Chan has no clue what they’re talking about. Acute fatigue? Y/n not eating enough? Chan hasn’t heard anything on these before.

"I don't think you understand. It's not about you doing things to take better care of yourself, it's about him not letting you take care of yourself. If you Charged for at least 6 hours a day then you wouldn't have to worry about eating more than you used to. You shouldn't have to be making up for anything," Eunsung argues.

"Listen, Eunsung-oppa," she says. "I know you're saying this because you're concerned, but I know what I'm doing. This is… This is bigger than just Chan-ssi and I. He's not just my soulmate, he's the leader of Stray Kids, a producer for 3RACHA. It's- The work that he does- What I see on Twitter, the comments on Youtube, the posts on community. He has the power to reach so many people and make lives better. And he does. He’s such a good person. How can I do anything but support him in any way I can? Even if that means letting him push himself without stepping in, then I'll do it. I trust that he knows his own limits."

“And if that means him ignoring your limits?”

“Eunsung-oppa-” Y/n protests.

"You've talked to him about it," Eunsung interrupts her, clearly able to read something in her tone of voice.

"Yeah, I- I understand how you feel, being on that side of it. I thought that I could convince him, but it turns out that he convinced me instead."

"But the conversation you were having, it was about him taking care of himself instead of you prioritising your needs, wasn't it?" he presses. Y/n confirms, but it sounds reluctant. 

“He didn’t want to hear it. He was… I don’t know. I don’t want to say what he said to me.”

“And he never brought it up again?”

“He did, kind of. He said sorry the next day. And I know he’s sorry. I know some of the things that he said were just in the heat of the moment. I get it, I really do. He was stressed, tired, we probably weren’t getting enough Charge, even then. But… It hurt. What he said,” Y/n says, her voice small. “What he really meant. It still hurts a little, every time I think about it. Every time I see him.”

"Sometimes you two are too similar. You’re both just pretending you’re fine, but you’re not. I know Chan, maybe not as well as you, but in a different way. He’s not the type to just let this type of thing slide. As much as I hate him right now for making you hurt, if he doesn’t know that you’re hurting, then there’s no way that things will be fixed. I think you need to talk again, if he cares about you at all then he wouldn't just let this go."

"I think you're overestimating our relationship a bit."

"What? Even after the past few months, you guys aren't close?"

“I’m not delusional, I never had fantasies of us immediately falling in love like in the movies or shows, I just,” she shrugs with the shoulder the Chan wasn’t curled up against. “I don’t know, I just thought that we could be friends or something.”

“You wouldn't even consider yourself to be friends?” Eunsung says in a low voice.

“Actually, at one point I did think we were friends… or maybe more,” Y/n admits with a hollow laugh. “I was wrong. His attitude keeps changing, I can’t keep track of it. One second he’s annoyed at me for nagging him and the next he’s carrying me to bed because I fell asleep on the couch. But wherever we’re arguing, it feels like it’s always my fault. And I know, I know that I’m hard to be around. It’s just hard. The moments of… care, they were an illusion. It was all fake, like kids playing house. He can tolerate me of course, but in the end, I'm just someone he works with.”

"You don't think that if he were to hear what you're saying, he would be sad?" Eunsung asks. Y/n stays silent for a while.

“I don't know. What he said to me. I thought a lot about it. I- I want to make his life better, but I think… I think I make it worse. I don’t understand why we’re soulmates, I can think of a million people who would be better for him than me,” she finally confesses, voice sounding wet.

Eunsung shifts forward, but before he can speak, a nurse knocks on the door and lets herself in. It’s enough noise that Chan takes it as an opportunity to pretend to wake up. When Y/n notices, she looks back towards the nurse and quickly sits up straighter so that Chan's arm naturally falls away from where it’s wrapped around her.

“I think you should go to the company, Chan-ssi,” Y/n suggests after the nurse has finished redressing her wound and has left. Her voice is back to normal, upbeat even, and if Chan hadn't been awake then he wouldn't have been able to tell she had just been in a heavy conversation. It’s scary how easily she can mask her emotions. “I don’t want you to fall behind because of all the time you’ve been spending here. Eunsung is already heading there, he can give you a ride.”

“What am I, a chauffeur?” Eunsung mutters, but he stands up and gathers his things without waiting for an answer. “Come on, let’s go.”

Normally, Chan would protest being ordered around, but at this point he’s just grateful to have some space to process what he just heard. He knows that Minho and Jisung were planning to visit soon and that Felix would be dropping by shortly after, so at least he feels somewhat comfortable leaving Y/n alone. He feels lightheaded and… bad in a way that he can’t describe. It's different than when he first found out that Y/n was hurt. Now it's almost like he’s dissociating, but worse because having an out-of-body experience would be better than the heavy press of emotions that he feels now. It’s clogging up his airways and all he can do is focus on following Eunsung out of the room.

Chan hasn’t had many opportunities to interact with Eunsung, but he knows for sure that they were never as tense as they are right now. It’s understandable though, after what he just heard. When Chan starts toward the lane where he usually gets picked up and dropped off, Eunsung instead steers him toward the parkade. 

“This way, superstar. Unlike you, I actually have the freedom to drive myself.” Chan barely notices the thinly veiled jab, he’s still reeling from the conversation. He can’t think of a comeback and really, doesn’t feel like he deserves to give a rebuttal.

When they finally stop in front of a car, Chan catches himself right before reaching for the back car door instead of the one to sit shotgun. 

The pair sit in silence for the first half of the ride, until Eunsung finally speaks up.

“You know, you don’t deserve her,” Eunsung says, eyes trained on the road ahead.

“And you do?” Chan fires back, thinking of all the rumours he’s heard from the rest of the staff, the giggles he hears whenever Eunsung interacts with Y/n. Although his guilt is creeping up and clouding his thoughts, his first instincts are to feel defensive.

Y/n is his soulmate, not Eunsung’s.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, I’ve seen how close the two of you are.” He tries hard to not sound too accusatory, but instead his words come out as overly bitter.

"Yeah, we're friends."

"And is that all you want to be?"

In response, Eunsung just laughs incredulously. “What? Even you thought- You think that I like Y/n? I’m-” He can’t even finish his thoughts before he starts to laugh again. “Of course I like her, but she’s like a sister to me.” 

“Of course you would say that-”

“I’m married, Chan."

"What?" Chan exclaims. "But, but everyone was saying you- I thought- Who are you married to?"

"Saerom. I've definitely mentioned her before, I know for sure that Y/n has too."

“Oh,” he says dumbly, “I thought- I thought Saerom was the name of your dog.”

"What?!" Eunsung turns to gape at Chan.

“How was I supposed to know? You said you have to take her on walks otherwise she gets too restless, you talk about buying her treats! You said she doesn’t like it when you’re travelling for too long, it sounds like how Berry gets when the family goes on vacation. Just because she has a human name doesn't mean she is a human. I've never seen a picture of her either."

“Oh, I cannot wait to tell Y/n about this.” Eunsung continues to laugh while Chan hides his face in his hands. His cheeks feel like they’re on fire. He’s relieved that Eunsung isn’t secretly in love with Y/n but also mortified that he thought his wife was a dog. At this point, opening the car door and flinging himself out doesn’t sound like a bad idea to get himself out of this conversation.

“You don’t wear a ring,” he says, probably digging himself further into the hole he’s currently in.

In response, Eunsung hooks a finger under the collar of his shirt and pulls out a chain, a ring dangling on the end of it. They turn into the company parking lot and Eunsung kills the engine, turning to face Chan directly.

“Chan-ssi,” he says seriously. “I know that there are rumours about a relationship between Y/n and I. She knows about them too. I’m not deaf to the chatter or the way they react when we’re together. Just, is it really so bad if people suspect that the two of us are soulmates? And I’m not saying this because I enjoy all the rumours. It’s because I know that they mask any sort of interactions that you have with her. If any other staff finds out that you’ve been visiting her in the hospital, they wouldn’t think anything of it other than you being concerned because she’s a manager and you were right there when it happened.”

Even though Chan doesn’t like the idea, he knows that Eunsung is right. It’s safer this way. He just has to get used to swallowing the possessive part of him that wants to publicly declare his soulmate bond. He can do this if it means protecting Y/n.

“You’re right,” Chan says quietly.

“I know all of this must be hard for you and even harder if you didn’t know about Saerom. Just know, we’d never do anything outside of being friends, I promise. If you don’t trust me, then at least trust Y/n. And,” he hesitates for a moment. “I know you heard our conversation earlier.”

“What?”

“I saw when you woke up. You’re not as good of an actor as you think you are, but luckily for you, I don’t think Y/n noticed.”

“I- I really messed things up, didn’t I?” Chan says, feeling defeated.

“I’ll be honest, it’s going to be difficult, fixing your relationship. Y/n is very independent. It’s definitely one of her strengths, but it’s also a big weakness. She doesn’t ask for help, even if she needs it and she’s very hard on herself. You know her family, she’s used to doing things on her own. She’s trying her best with this whole soulmate situation and she was really opening up. She trusted you.”

The past tense in his sentence shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.

“You hurt her,” Eunsung continues. “But I know Y/n will forgive you. She cares about you, a lot. If it wasn’t obvious by… everything that has happened so far. You just have to talk to her.”

“I- Thank you, Eunsung,” Chan finally says. “Thank you for being there for her, for helping with all of… this. I’m sorry.”

“You’re a good person, Chan-ssi. I want things to work out between the two of you.” Abruptly, Eunsung’s tone hardens. “But if you make a habit of hurting her, just know that sasaengs will be the least of your worries.”

—

Chan forces himself to try and be productive for at least an hour in his studio before resigning himself to the reality that he wouldn’t be able to get anything done with how distracted he is. He spends the whole time wishing that he was back at the hospital. 

Right as he’s about to call it a day, Jisung- who has just arrived after visiting Y/n and assures him that she’s still doing okay- and Changbin join him. They’ve actually been getting work done in the past few days and quickly run through the progress that they’ve made. Even with their presence, Chan’s attention span is practically non-existent. Everything seems to remind him of Y/n.

He ends up staying until the sun starts to set. When Changbin and Jisung start to discuss dinner options, he takes the opportunity to pack up his things.

“Hyung, are you not joining us?” Changbin asks.

“Sorry-” Chan starts saying.

“Hyung just wants to go and see Y/n again. He doesn’t care about us anymore,” Jisung whines playfully. 

“That’s not true!” Chan says indignantly.

“You don’t have to lie, just make it up to us.”

“Anything,” Chan agrees.

“Have dinner back at the dorms with us tomorrow,” Jisung says instantly. “You need to bring new clothes to the hospital anyway, you can save Yonghwan-hyung a trip this way.”

Chan realises this was his plan all along and reluctantly agrees. Logically, he knows that nothing will happen to Y/n while he’s away, he just feels better being able to see it with his own eyes.

—

When he gets back to the hospital, he’s surprised to find Y/n just staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She doesn’t react to the sound of the door opening or Chan’s greeting while he had closed it again. He approaches her cautiously, afraid of startling her, but still manages to make her jump when he gets into her field of vision.

“Oh!” she says breathlessly, putting a hand to her chest. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were back.” She automatically smiles at him.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, just had a weird day,” she says in that same strange voice she had back in Japan. Chan is starting to realise it means that she’s hiding something.

“Y/n-”

“Maybe it’s just because you were gone. Not to be clingy or anything, I’m glad that you were finally able to go to the company and get some real work done, but I’ve gotten used to having you attached to my side,” she jokes. It’d be convincing if her voice was more steady, if her smile reached her eyes.

“Uhm,” Chan says, not quite sure if he should pursue the topic further or go along with Y/n’s attempt to gloss over it. “I’m sorry, I promised that I’d go back for dinner tomorrow.”

Y/n rolls her eyes at that. “You don’t have to apologise for that! I’m glad that you’re finally getting to see them after being cooped up here. They're your family, you have to spend time with them.”

“I wasn’t forced to stay here though! I want to be here, I want to be with you. You're my family too,” Chan says earnestly. 

Y/n's lips press tightly together at that and she breaks eye contact.

“How about this, Eunsung-oppa was planning to come by tomorrow sometime anyway. He said that he’d bring me some non-hospital food and I couldn’t say no,” she says instead of responding to Chan’s comment. “Felix wanted to come by again too, so you can go home at the same time as him. I’ll tell Eunsung-oppa to come by around dinnertime so you don’t feel like you’re leaving me behind, is that okay?”

“Okay, but promise me that if anything happens then just call me and I’ll come back.”

“I promise.”

—

Dinner with the members is rowdy as usual, maybe even moreso. Chan doesn’t think much of it, happy to have a distraction from his thoughts, until he takes a second too long to respond to someone and catches a couple of concerned glances. He realises that the boys are being overly rambunctious to keep him present. It warms his heart and makes him feel guilty at the same time.

After eating, Jisung slumps onto the couch, stretching out so that his feet hang over the side. Chan joins him, smothering him in affection before he leaves for the night. He knows that Jisung has been more anxious than usual these past few days and although he wishes he could do more to help him, his biggest priority at the moment is Y/n.

“Minho-hyung and I met Y/n’s family yesterday,” Jisung says, voice muffled from being pressed against Chan.

Chan bolts upright, accidentally elbowing Jisung in the process, forcing a groan out of him.

“What? When?” he demands. His mind is racing, finally able to sort out Y/n’s strange behaviour when he had last seen her.

“I forgot to mention it at the studio, but when I was visiting, they also showed up. I don’t really know what I was expecting, but they seemed alright.”

“Just alright?” Chan prompts him, trying to calm his heart rate which has spiked.

“Uhm, I mean her parents were very… polite. They spoke to Y/n privately so I just met them briefly.”

“Where did you go?”

“Her brother, Siwon, I forgot he’s a doctor too. He took me to a private lounge they had, there weren’t any people around which was good. He seemed nice, concerned about Y/n.”

“Well not that concerned,” Chan mutters darkly, “since he didn’t even bother to visit until yesterday.”

Jisung stares at him, clearly shocked by the sudden vitriol.

“Sorry,” Chan says, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up wildly. “It’s just been a lot these days, my emotions are everywhere.”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Jisung says cautiously. “It’s been a lot for all of us, but mostly you and Y/n.”

Chan hums in agreement, but still feels bad.

“You can go back now if you want,” Jisung prompts him.

“What? No, I-”

“I can tell you’re distracted,” he says. “Go, we’ll still be here when she’s better.”

Chan goes.

—

The route to the hospital and through the back entrance is becoming more familiar by now. Chan accidentally startles Y/n when he opens the door to her room, but her expression quickly settles to one of relief upon seeing him. Now that he’s looking closely, he can recognize the same, strained smile that he first saw at Chuseok. 

She shuffles to the side of the bed and lifts the blankets so that Chan can sit beside her. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her closer.

“The boys all missed you,” he says in greeting. “Dinner wasn’t the same with just the eight of us.”

“Oh come on-”

“You’re part of us, now. I told you before. And-” Chan hesitates for a moment. “I heard that your parents visited.” Y/n stiffens for a second, before relaxing again.

“Ah, Jisungie, the little snitch,” she says, the fondness in her voice opposing her words. “Yes, they dropped by while you were away.”

“And?”

“Well, my eomoni was telling me that it was a sign that I should quit my job, get out of the industry, said I was stupid for getting between the sasaeng on you, the usual. But I got my abeoji to look over my files, when I asked he said that I can be released tomorrow!” she says excitedly, smiling so much that her eyes curve into crescents. “I get to go home!”

It’s clear that things with her parents didn’t go as well as Y/n is projecting, but Chan is too much of a coward to push more. Somehow that righteous anger that had filled him when he had talked to Jisung has been replaced with uncertainty. He doesn’t want to get into yet another disagreement with Y/n now that he knows what she truly thinks of him. Or rather, what she thinks that he thinks of her. He needs to focus on bringing them together instead of allowing them to drift further apart. He vows to bring this topic up another time, when things are better between them.

“That’s great!” he replies, but even as he says it, he can’t help the nervousness that starts to form in his stomach at the thought. He is happy that she’s been healing well and will definitely be reassured to have her back home, but until now, the hospital has served as a sort of protective bubble for Y/n, shielding her from the outside world. He has the irrational sense that keeping her here longer is the same as keeping her safe for longer.

—

“Bang Chan-nim?” The doctor that has been in charge of Y/n’s care steps into the room and glances at Y/n, who is busy packing away her things. All morning she’s been in a good mood, enthusiastically talking about what she plans to do once she’s back at the dorms. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Of course!” he replies. He tells himself that everything is alright, but can't stop himself from running his hands through his mess of hair, palms prickling with nerves.

The doctor leads Chan to his office and smiles at him gently, like he’s about to break some bad news and needs to make sure that Chan doesn’t also break. It makes things worse, Chan’s stomach starts to churn, his mind racing.

“This might be a difficult conversation, but you may already be aware.” The doctor starts slowly. “Y/n-nim works with idols, right? In the entertainment industry?”

“Yes,” Chan agrees, but he’s confused. Did someone leak the news of Y/n’s injuries? Is there a sasaeng that’s been visiting the hospital? He wants to pull out his phone and immediately call the company and force them to do more damage control, but the doctor continues.

“These days, there is a lot of pressure for young women, especially those who work with or follow idols, to fit into certain beauty standards.” Chan nods. He’s seen countless people destroy their bodies to try and lose more and more weight and knows how devastating it is, but he still doesn’t understand the point of this conversation.

“I’m concerned about Y/n-nim”-the doctor interrupts Chan’s thoughts-“When she came to the hospital, we were focused only on her injuries, but throughout her treatment, we have noticed that she is underweight. The testing that we’ve done tells us she has not been getting enough of what her body needs. Not getting enough food, not enough charge, and not enough rest. She's showing signs that she was becoming malnourished.

“It’s not uncommon to see those with soulmates, especially young women, take advantage of the bond, reducing charging time and saying that they will eat more instead. They often eat a normal amount so that it doesn’t concern anyone, but it’s not nearly enough to make up for the missing charge. Both of you have probably been more sensitive lately. It wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve also noticed yourself being irritable or having rapid mood changes these past few days."

Chan can't do anything but stare as the doctor pulls out a small packet of paper. His pulse roars in his ears and all he can feel is guilt, pooling in his stomach and creeping towards his extremities. He feels nauseous. This is his fault.

He thinks back to all the nights where he stayed in the studio, just a little bit longer to finish a track, sliding into bed to charge for only a few hours before they had to wake up. Of the extra meals, protein drinks, snacks he had consumed that he thought nothing of, too used to the varying diets of the rest of the members depending on their schedules and the ups and downs of bulking up or cutting calories. He’s used to the heaviness of his eyelids, the pounding headaches, and occasional dizziness that were the result of sleepless nights.

All these things he had taken in stride, forgetting that Y/n had been dealing with too. He had the luxury of being an idol, during schedules and tour, there was always breaks for food. But he had seen the way the managers and coordis had to run around, only eating when they had a couple minutes to spare.

He knows that he’s snapped at Y/n more than a few times, patience worn thin enough that at the end of the day he doesn’t have it in him for niceties. Of course, he had felt bad about it after the fact, but Y/n hadn’t seemed very phased by it and he had forgotten about it until the next time. It wouldn’t be the first time that stress made him more easily annoyed and ill-tempered, but now he realises why he seemed quicker to get caught up in his emotions.

The doctor continues talking, but Chan feels like he's underwater, the sound is muffled. This is his fault. 

"Bang Chan-nim!" The doctor clasps one of Chan's hands in his and finally pulls his attention away from his self-loathing thoughts. "Are you okay? I know it can be a shock to find out, but don't feel bad. It's very common to be surprised, people are good at hiding things like this, even if you're close to them and I know that your bond is still relatively new. Luckily there are a lot of strategies we have to help your soulmate get more Charge, even if you both have busy schedules. Okay?"

"Okay," Chan replies weakly, he can barely focus on what’s being said, all he can think of is that he's the reason his soulmate is malnourished. And he didn't notice. That they think Y/n has an eating disorder, when it's him that has dictated the amount of charge that she gets. The doctor flips open the packet of papers and starts to highlight it.

"The most important thing right now is increasing Charging time. With Y/n-nim's injuries, her bedrest and all the time you two have spent charging have already been helping a lot. Take this recovery period as a time to build new habits and establish a routine that involves more skinship. I understand you two are busy, but I expect you try for at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep while charging, but more if possible. If you're both doing work on the computer, watching a show or movie, or eating, then sitting close enough to touch will help recharge without taking away from your regular activities. As you may already know, for the most efficient charging more skin-to-skin contact is recommended." He flips the front page back over and places the packet onto another, larger, stack of papers. "More details can be found here and this is the rest of Y/n-ssi's care instructions, prescriptions, and other information on soulmate bonds."

"Thank you so much," Chan says, automatically reaching out to accept all the papers.

"You're welcome. This must be very overwhelming, but Y/n-nim is healing quickly. Your bond is helping her recover much faster. We caught her malnutrition fairly early and expect that she'll be at normal energy levels within a few weeks. Don't feel guilty and try not to worry too much, Bang Chan-nim. Your bond is a good thing, not a bad one." The doctor smiles warmly, checking his watch and standing up. "Y/n-nim should be ready to be discharged now, let's go back to the room so that we don’t keep her waiting."

Chan follows the doctor back in a daze. Y/n is sitting on one of the chairs in her room, scrolling on her phone when they arrive. She brightens when they enter.

“Can we leave now?” she asks eagerly. Chan beelines to her side, reaching to hold her hand.

“Yes, everything has been sorted out now and Bang Chan-nim has all your care instructions. Please give us a call or come to visit if you have any questions or concerns at all,” the doctor says.

“Of course.”

“Looks like everything is ready to go. It was very nice to meet you both, although I wish it could have been under better circumstances. I hope that the rest of your recovery goes well, Y/n-nim, and please do not hesitate to contact us for anything.” With that, the doctor bows and leaves the room.

At the same moment, a nurse knocks on the doorframe as a greeting, pushing a wheelchair through the open door. Y/n’s smile fades when she sees it.

“Oh, no,” she says quickly. “I can walk, there’s no need for one of those.”

She turns to look at Chan for support, but he just shrugs helplessly. Secretly, he would feel better if she used it. After only a week in the hospital, she isn’t close to being fully recovered, even if she hides it well. He’s seen the slight grimaces when Y/n tries to shift positions and the way her face is lined with pain when she walks or has to stand straight for longer than a few minutes. If she pushes herself too much now, it’ll just extend the overall healing process.

“Really, I don’t need it,” she insists. “What was the point in all the walking practise? Besides, Chan-ssi and Yonghwan-ssi will be beside me, they won't let anything happen to me.”

The nurse looks sceptical, but agrees. Before they leave the room, Y/n twists her hand trying to break Chan’s grip. 

“It’s too public,” she murmurs when he tightens his hold instead. “Just in case, I don’t want anyone to see anything that can be misinterpreted.”

Unable to think up an argument against that, Chan reluctantly lets go. Y/n hooks her arm with Yonghwan’s instead and they make their way out, Chan hovering behind them anxiously. They’re all wearing masks and hats and the car that’s going to pick them up is waiting at a private exit, but there’s a shared urgency in their movement. By now, the media has turned their attention to other stories, but with the radio silence from Stray Kids since the incident, fans have had nothing to do except theorise and wonder what’s happening behind the scenes. 

He knows that it’s making him paranoid. He finds that he’s constantly looking over his shoulder when he’s in the hallways of the hospital. He’s never been more careful trying to cover up his appearance and avoid anybody who looks like they might recognise him. 

They can’t risk the chance of a sighting of Y/n, especially now that her face was captured and shared on social media by fans before JYPE’s legal team was able to step in, and pictures of Chan with Y/n would make things much worse. There have already been rumours about how close Y/n is with all the members and who she is, using pictures from other schedules and events, somehow identifying her in blurred out clips from vlogs that have been posted, and even old footage from when she worked with Xdinary Heroes as evidence. 

It scares Chan. Scares him so much that he can’t talk about it to anybody.

Although Y/n’s time in the hospital was fairly short, all things considered, Chan feels like he’s the one that has changed during this stay. Everything he has learned has made him feel like his chest has been opened up and his insides have been scooped out, leaving him hollowed out and unsteady. 

When they finally get home safely, it feels like Chan can breathe easily for the first time in days.

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter | read it on ao3

[evaglass]

Speculation about Mizu's parents pt. 1

I don't like usually posting much online, but I do enjoy this series very much, and I would like to discuss possible directions it could go

I think about this moment a lot

A decent amount, actually

Mizu has had to hide her entire life of being a mixed-race girl for her safety, but there's an implication that it's not just because of that reason alone

There's a big assumption that one of the four white men put the bounty on Mizu, and as terrible as they are, there's reasons they probably aren't the ones that placed the bounty on Mizu. I don't think the four white men really care about any bastards they could have produced; I will explain.

Yes, Fowler neglected his offsprings to the point of starvation, but I don't think he was actively hunting them down, and here are the reasons why:

Fowler doesn't really seem to care to put too much effort into caring if the children he profduced in Japan lived or not. It just seemed more like he didn't want to be bothered with any children he had fathered.

If Fowler really cared about having all his children dead, he wouldn't have let Heiji Shindo give Mizu the option to be a Lord in order to leave Fowler alone in exchange

He just really didn't seem too bothered to deal with the situation. He didn't understand why Mizu went through all the effort to killing him (probably because he's not responsible for the bounty).

Also, Violet is already very much dead. I assume Routley and Skeffington have been away from Japan for a few years now, so why would they still keep the bounty up? It feels like it would be a bit counterproductive.

So why is there a bounty specifically for Mizu?

Is it for the "selling the unwanted daughters of Japan" aspect that Fowler pointed towards Routley and Skeffington of being responsible for? Do they want to sell Mizu abroad for profit? No, I don't think that's the reason.

When Mizu asked the bounty hunters, "Which white devil do you work for?" They respond by saying she's the only white devil they see, and then call to kill her.

When Mizu asked who told them where she was, they responded with "the bounty is a sum few could resist."

This says a lot:

The bounty is for sure specifically for her (a mixed-raced girl with blue eyes)

They're looking to only kill Mizu, as if to erase her from existence

The bounty is a high bounty

And the bounty hunters are probably not being sent by any of the four white men

So, who is responsible for putting a bounty on Mizu's head? Well, I want to dive into Mizu's parentage for this because I don't think any of the four white men are Mizu's father. I don't think her father was white at all.

I think there might be subtle evidence to suggest the contrary; that Mizu's mother was European, while her father was Japanese.

I'll dive into this. Remember the play about the Ronin and the Bride in episode 5?

Remember how people pointed out how both the Ronin and Bride represent Mizu, which I agree with. However, I think they're also supposed to represent her parents, and the child is also supposed to represent Mizu.

Before I keep talking about the Ronin and the Bride, I want to talk about the show's influences. I promise this has a point.

Two of the biggest influences are Kill Bill and Yentl. I'm not gonna get into Yentl too much, I have never seen it. I'm just gonna loosely retell a synopsis I found; Yentl is about a woman who dresses as a male in order to study religious scripture forbidden to women to learn. You can see some of the connections there.

I want to focus on Kill Bill more. Specifically more in pt. 2 as tumblr is only letting me use ten pictures per post.

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

[noxiatoxia]

Ok, so with all my SDR2 translation talk, I thought about a line of dialogue that's always struck me as odd in the English game. Hinata doesn't feel comfortable showering.

(Sorry for the photo quality, this is taken from my phone on my Vita)

It just sounds odd. I'm a fan of the Hinata being a trans man headcanon - I think it fits with many themes of his character - but headcanons aside, from an actual canonical standpoint, it just seems out of place.

I never checked the shower in the JP version for some reason, so I did so now. (Same bad quality, sorry).

The problem is, I can see where the confusion comes up in the Japanese version, and I'm going to ramble a bit here.

この向こうはシャワールームだ。結構広くて使いやすいけど…気持ちよく汗を流せた試しはない。この状況だもんな…

If you handed me this, I would give one of two translations:

On the other side is the shower room. They're pretty spacious and easy to use, but...there's literally never been a point where I've felt comfortable showering. Ugh, this is so annoying...

Or:

On the other side is the shower room. They're pretty spacious and easy to use, but...there's no way I could feel comfortable showering in this situation...

I'm gonna do my best to explain why both are plausible. I'll pitch it to the room and see what you guys think.

First line can be ignored. It's very simple. On the other side is the shower room.

Second line is where things start getting tricky. Firstly, Hinata in the official translation says it's pretty large and it looks easy to use but "looks easy to use" is not in the sentence at all. It says it is easy to use. But seeing how Hinata has never used this shower before, I have to conclude he is speaking of shower rooms in general, not just this shower room.

Because of context carrying over, that makes the next line - if we go with option 1 - sound like he is speaking on this same broad topic: of shower rooms in general.

He specifically uses 試しはない which is extremely emphatic. Well, the extreme emphatic version is 試しがない, but for the purpose of this they're interchangeable. It means that something has never, ever happened. There is no precedent for it. This makes Hinata's claim that he has "literally never, ever felt comfortable showering" sound...extreme. It's part of what throws me off. That is, I'm unsure why the writers would put that in there. There's also the last part - この状況だもんな. If going with version 1, この (this) here would be used derogatorily, as in "this bastard" or "this guy!" and such. 状況 means state of affairs, and もんな would be used to express annoyance. Basically going, "Ugh, this situation...what a pain..."

Now in option 2...it is predicated on if the last sentence is meant to re-contextualize the first. It's very much an odd way grammatically to write it at least in my opinion, but people do that in real life all the time. "I lost it. My keys, that is." - for example. In this case, Hinata's words about never feeling comfortable showering would be completely dependent on the last sentence. "I can't ever imagine feeling comfortable showering. In this situation, that is."

もんな can be used also to give an explanation. Think of it like "because". Hence the janky official translation - they're trying to word "because it's this situation." and obviously, Hinata would be using この neutrally here and not as a derogatory prefix.

The reason I'm flipping back and forth is because of the following reasons:

Objectively, it makes more sense of Hinata to say he would not be comfortable showering in this situation than to say he's not comfortable showering at all. Like, ever.

The sudden break of context - that being all shower rooms - can be explained by the last sentence: him rewriting perspective retroactively by saying "in this situation, I mean."

However, in my limited experience with 試しがない, I don't think I've ever heard it about hypotheticals, only actual things. That is to say, Hinata saying he wouldn't feel comfortable is a hypothetical. My brain automatically wants to assume he's talking about an actual event. It's along the same lines of "My son never drinks responsibly" or "she never gets along with new people" - these are statements that imply past events that prove the rule. That's the only way I've seen 試しがない used. This is in part because, again with the would usage, I don't see it being used for future events. Hinata has not bathed in this shower yet. Using 試しがない makes way more sense if he's talking about his past experiences about showering, "I have never (before)..." but again, since he's not used this shower, he cannot be referring to a past experience.

I hope you can see my confusion...I'll be honest, my contact with 試しがない as a phrase has been limited. I feel like if I can find evidence for it being used for hypothetical future events, then I will confidently conclude it's number 2. Until then, it literally goes either way for me.

If you have insight I'd be more than willing to hear it out.

Edit: I want to add a more clear TL;DR.

I feel option 2 makes the most sense from the perspective of being stuck in a killing games. However, the past tense and literal usage of 試しはない makes it impossible for Hinata to be talking about a future hypothetical. Gramatically, with 試しがない meaning that something has never once occured - placing it in the past by default - I find it hard to then fit that with something that Hinata has no past frame of reference to.

[lemon-russ]

good news my fever broke and my regular illness of putting Cato in situations returned

this upcoming arc has been haunting my brain since someone?? prob moodymisty?? posted a list of trope-y things Cato would be forced to endure as a body guard, specifically diplomat going to a warm planet with balls and wearing revealing dresses and making him p a n i k. anyone knows the post lemme know it's haunted me forever.

Part 8/ ???

1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7 :: 7.5 :: 8 :: 9 :: 10

Cato Sicarius x F!Reader

(both POVs today)

CW: Vague alluding to sex, Cato back to being mean

Summary: Ambassador heads off on vacation with Titus, Cato takes it SUPER well and is very normal

word count: 1,720

You try not to pout as you sit on the ship heading out to the planet you were being forced to take a vacation to.

Commander Titus and a couple of lower rank ultramarine's sit across from you, talking politely among themselves. Guilliman has forced you to rest after the scare you gave him on that planet that rebelled.

You sigh a bit. You heard Cato swept through the place in a day with the second company. Titus said he was on a warpath- he always delighted in battle, but this one was a personal vengeance against the people that put them through all the trouble of having to rescue the both of you.

Now you're off to a particularly pleasant agri-world, renown for their fruits and home to hot spring baths and nightly dances. The marines with you weren't thrilled about standing around while you relaxed on warm beaches, but unlike Cato, they would never dare voice it. You were a high ranking diplomat, personal ambassador to Guilliman. Most marines show you a modicum of general respect. Then again most ultramarines were very professional all around. Cato is an outlier in his attitude and disrespect.

Which is nice. It's nice to not be bullied and teased. Nice to not have a whining huffing rain cloud following you. Nice… and a little boring. The two lower rank marines don't talk much, and when they do it’s polite “yes, Ma'am.” And “of course, Lady Ambassador.” Titus was a little better, still reserved, but seemed to at least understand you were looking for conversation, so tried his best.

You smiled at him a bit. “Will you be taking part in any of the activities, Commander?” You ask, desperate for conversation. He smiles politely. “Ah, no, Lady Ambassador. That would mean I'd not be properly guarding you, and, I am here to guard you.” He said apologetically. You sigh. “You mean here to babysit me…” you mumble, putting your head on your hand and looking out the window. Babysit was the word Guilliman used for it, specifically. Calling you a disobedient child when he'd found you sneaking paperwork.

Titus let out a soft chuckle. “I'd never want to imply you were childish, my lady.” He said with a small smile. “I am merely here to ensure a less dramatic trip for you than last time.” you sigh. You were disappointed when Guilliman told you he was removing Cato from your guard. You don't know why you were. He was a huge pain in the ass, a bully, and caused most of the issues. But your mind flashed to him pinning you to that cave wall and you flushed a little. Damn it, Cato. You couldn't get that day out of your head.

He would have just cause you issues here, too. But you had secretly hoped a bit that you'd get to convince him to join you in a hot spring- no, no stop that. Its bad enough you kissed him for some reason. Everything is so complicated with him now. You hate him a little, but you also kinda really like him, and you definitely are attracted to him… and you can't get all these images and memories of him out of your head. He's haunting you and it's making you angry at him by proxy. Stupid Cato.

Titus glances at you a bit while you think. “Lady Ambassador? You look upset, is all well…?” He asks with a small frown. You blush a little, sitting up properly. “Ah, sorry. Just have things on my mind. No need to worry, Commander.” You say, composing yourself. He looks unconvinced. “Ah, I wont pry then, my lady.” He said politely.

Cato would pry, you think. No, that is unfair to Titus. He is very kind, more personable than most other ultramarines too. But he's so… professional. And polite. He sometimes will respond with a light joke if you do so first, or laugh at something. But mostly he just smiles and nods and stands an appropriate distance away. As he should, that's how a bodyguard should act. But you'd gotten used to Cato cracking jokes at your expense, and insulting random passing nobles, and walking right next to you to force you to walk into walls and things. Which is annoying. But at least it was something.

The thunderhawk jolted a little as it began to land, and for a split second your heart skipped a beat and your hand jumped to your harness. You'd been a bit jumpy about flying in small craft since the thunderhawk crash. And much more on top of keeping buckled in.

Commander Titus frowns as you flinch and grab the belt, lifting a hand a little towards you, “Ah- my lady? Are you alright?” He asked politely, confused about what happened. You frown a bit, “oh, yes, sorry. Just, a little spooked by the landing…” you play it off a bit, giving a tight smile. He raises his brow but nods and sits back as the thunderhawk finishes its landing sequence.

The marines help you unload your things and you get off the ship and look at the pretty planet you’ve landed on. Lush tropic greenery, warm breezes, greco-romann looking buildings with lots of open to the air arches. there’s a beach and gentle waves nearby, and you think you hear a waterfall. You try and force yourself to stop thinking about how much work you’ll have back home, but what if Guilliman didn’t understand your file system? did he get those things filed in time- No, stop it, relax.

You sigh, pursing your lips. you take all your unwanted thoughts, worries about work, worries about deadlines, and the stupid thoughts of Cato Sicarius saving you from burning shipwrecks and pinning you to walls- and you file them all away in your mind in your mental LATER pile. You sigh, and try and soak in the warm air. You’ll get to it, in a few days. You were ordered to relax, and you hate not following orders.

___________________________________________________________

Cato paced the training fields, watching some of the newer aspirants to the Ultramarines do drills. They’d all passed trials, and it was one of his responsibilities to keep up on new recruits to the company. He didn’t normally take fresh marines, but he liked to keep an eye out for talented new Astartes. He needed the distraction anyways.

That world had been far to easy to run through, barley taking a day to fall to the impirium. It was meant to calm him, leading the charge, but it was only more infuriating how he had been cornered by people so weak and low tech. He growled to himself, and pulled his un-powered power sword out, practicing his regular drills on the combat dummy. Stupid primitive world. Stupid Titus, gallivanting on that stupid romance planet with the Ambassador- he chopped a chunk of the dummy off- Stupid Ambassador, kissing him randomly and then barely talking to him for two days- another chunk flew off- Stupid, warp-damned woman keeping him up all night, haunting his mind- The dummy shattered into a splintered mess with a hard swing. He growled, then stomped it a few times. Stupid combat dummy that can’t even take him going light on it.

He lets out a frustrated snarl and throws his sword to the ground, running his hands through his hair. What were they doing right now, his throne damned commander and the ambassador? Nothing good could come from them locked away together for days on a planet Guilliman described as “one of the few places left a noble could take a honeymoon.” He bets Titus is being unprofessional- he never knew how to stick to the rules. He bets he's taking her dancing- he's probably stealing a dance with her right now. She always dresses so impractically, and it's warm there, is she wearing something even more revealing? Is Titus eyeing her the way he did?

He heel stomps the dummy once more for good measure, picks up his blade, and storms off toward the Hangar. He has to go fight something, anything. He'll ask around for leads on something to kill and go focus on things that actually matter, like defending the Imperium. And not stupid, vapid women who probably are taking the first chance alone with Titus to give him secret kisses and hide away in corners with, doing emperor knows what in hot spring pools. He's fooling himself thinking he'd be an exception anyways, the way she smiles at everyone who looks at her, she's probably in everyone's beds. Everyone's but his.

He slams his fist on the button to open the hangar doors. One of his men looks up at him and grimaces. “Are we going out again today, sir…?” He asks, and Cato just nods and scowls. “Get everyone together, we're going… going… somewhere- it doesn't matter, just get the men in here!” He snaps. The marine frowns but nods, scrambling up to follow his orders.

He lets out a long, frustrated sigh, gripping his hair a bit as he runs his fingers back through it. If Titus lays a finger on her, he's going to kill him. He doesn't care if that's the worst thing a marine can do, betray a battle brother. Titus would be betraying him first, touching his woman- he stops dead in his tracks.

When did he start thinking of her as his?

Holy golden throne, she's driving him mad and she's not even here. She's broken his mind, flipped some switch he can't find to turn off again. He hates this, he hates her- but by the emperor, he hates the thought of her and Titus doing what he and she had done most. He grits his teeth and smashes his helmet on, stomping onto a thunderhawk. If his men weren't here in 30 seconds he was going without them. He white knuckled the hilt of his power sword.

In his mind he was desperately trying to shove all these feelings and thoughts into the overflowing WEAKNESS box, but there was just nothing rational left to think about. He's hanging on by a thread, and his men now have 20 seconds to be on this ship before he went and tore through some Orks alone.

[prettyboykatsuki]

Out of curiosity is there like a “lore” reason in that fanfic AU as to why Maki and Yuuta are into you and why Maki is so mean to you?

yes though i've never actually expanded on that specific incestverse since its not a very fun reason and also i think it would get a lot darker than people are willing to be here lol

but the gist of it is that maki resents you in the way mothers usually do when they do not want children and is not helped by the way yuuta deeply adores you as soon as you are born. there is a kind of dichotomy there that makes you 1. feel complicated about yuuta since he's usually the only one on your side 2. feel desperate to please your mom because your approval is literally all you've ever wanted and 3. feel helpless in wanting to seek their attention.

i will not write about why is escalates because again this app is not very fond of stuff that is So Dark. but i think the sexual aspect escalates from maki giving you physical punishment well past the age is appropriate for you and you getting aroused from it and/or trying to appease her that way at a very desperate attempt to gain approval

you've had a very lonesome childhood because maki has cut off her family too and you're kind of always at risk of being taken advantage of.

i think maki (with age) feels a very complicated mix of regret and frustration towards you that puts you in Situations especially after things have gotten inappropriate.

yuuta in this au has a weak sense of morals + a strong sense of loyalty to his family (being you and maki). he probably finds about it much later and does not really care about how right or wrong the situation is. everything is an extension of love to him and his love for you outclasses pretty much all else and thats always been true.

i shant say the other stuff but yeah its just a mess. i dont think yuuta does anything until you ask for it though, and then he'll approach you but he's content to be affectionate and coddle you when maki goes too far.

in this particular au yuuta experienced a very deep sense of grief that really warped his perception of right and wrong after rika passes and when he meets maki - instead of reasoning him out of it, she enables it in her own way just because she's so deeply angry about her home life.

thats all i will say for now but in short yes there is always a reason dkfs

[princess-of-the-corner]

Can I make another suggestion about Midnight and Hawks situation. The teachers clock it as weird that Hawks is taking an intern when he's notorious for leaving his sidekicks to laze about. So when Tokoyami is on his way to Hawk's agency Midnight takes the opportunity to go in person to get a read on him in person. And I mean obviously to make sure that her student gets there safely, that's her priority. But after they arrive safely she takes the opportunity to mention a bewitched photoshoot.

And he has no idea he was even asked. He doesn't know about any email correspondence, the photoshop questions, anything relating to the invitation. And he asks the same question, what's your stance on photoshop.

And Midnight feels something wrong here. He never even saw the many emails she sent herself. She gets so many bad vibes because Hawks was so excited before he remembered and suddenly he was apprehensive and... afraid? She now knows that someone else is in charge of his emails and has such a tight grip that Hawks hasn't even seen the initial email. She now has "evidence" that something is wrong with Hawks.

Yes! YES!!

Like most of the time, Hawks is impossible to read. Unless you're already looking for something specific.

So her mentioning Bewitching Hour catches him a little off guard because he didn't know about it. (something odd to her. Even if a Hero hires an agent to sort through their offers, there was enough conversation it should've been brought to his attention).

ANd yes the photoshop question gets brought up and Hawks just kinda has a slip of a 'yeah that explains why you got ghosted' but doesn't elaborate at all.

So yeah now she's just. Super sus about what his situation is. Ofc she would have no idea the extent of it, but he's definitely on someone's leash.

Also!

I already planned for this in CC but Fumikage (and Eimi) are gonna clock onto something weird with him too for two reasons:

1.) Fumikage is also a bird. While I'm not going all-in on physical traits(I'm adding some but wanna keep the 'human with bird head' aesthetic ofc), but behavior is certainly a factor. So you put the two of them in a room and they're just having a whole conversation in bird noises. But as soon as it's pointed out he's like "I have no idea what you're talking about"

and

2.) Low-key run in with one of the Commission's handlers showing up to check on things and, while Hawks plays it cool, he's telling the guy "Oh yeah they're interns so I sent them to do intern things like getting coffee!' meanhile the kids were hastily shoved behind the couch in his office and told to stay quiet. And while Hawks plays it off of 'haha bet you kids didn't really want to deal with some stuffy bureaucrat' but it's just so WEIRD.

[morgensternauroras]

The Alec and Lucifer Theory

Alright, this has been on my mind since TLBotW (further referred to as 'White' because I am lazy), but I think Cassie's recent event convinced me. Especially after she said the thing about going back to TMI themes (more on that in the end)

So let's talk about The Svefnthorn and Alec.

In White, he stabs himself with The Svefnthron and LIVES. Which should not be possible considering the Wiki says it contains a lot of demonic power and only a warlock could survive being stabbed with it. (Link leads to the wiki page as reference) We are never actually given an explanation to how/why he manages to survive this stabbing, it is implied it has something to do with the allience rune, but we are never given the impression thay the allience rune could act in any way that would save Alec's life in this situation. If the allience rune is what saved him, we don't know how/why, and if that were the case, how come Alec was so shocked that he surprised? I don't know, the allience rune explanation doesn't sit right with me. Alec himself mentions he doesn't understand how it worked.

And then we need to talk about Sammael's reaction, he is described as confused and then he just... fucks off. Sure, it might just be a natural reaction of someone who just basically got defeated, but we'll talk about what I think it might mean SOON.

Essentially, Sammael after the thorn fails to kill Alec just leaves, no smart comebacks, no significant reaction, he just poofs. And realistically, he could have killed them all out of spite, I mean he was mad about Lilith, that was at least half the point of his story in White.

The next time we see Sammael is during the White epilogue when he calls a meeting of the Princes of Hell! All of them except Lucifer. And we're basically told this meeting is being held without Lucifer on purpose, especially after this exchange.

“Too long have we gone it alone. If we are ever to truly achieve our larger goals, we must recognize that we are more alike than we are different. We must put aside our old grievances, forget them, and work together.”

Asmodeus looked astonished. “You mean—”

“Yes,” said Sammael. “I want to talk about Lucifer.”

So we have a mention of putting aside old grievances and then a mention of banding together and having to talk about Lucifer, this happens right after Alec mysteriously survives the stabbing with the thorn.

Now, we know the thorn was tied to Sammael, and we don't know much about Lucifer, but we know he is more powerful than all the Princes. So I will ask, what if Lucifer is the reason TMI crew (especially Alec) survived White?

Think about it, it would explain why Sammael reacted the way he did to Alec's survival, why he chose now is the time to band the Princes together, presumably, against Lucifer.

And then another thing happened- well, actually, 3 things happened. For 1, Cassie said that Lucifer might surprise us. (Kill me I cannot actually find a source for this, if anyone knows where/when this was said let me know, I'll add it to the post) 2nd thing was, Cassie's tumblr post about going back to TMI motifs, (we'll get back to this, I'll share the ss of the post lower in the post. 3rd thing being the recent claim that TEC3 aka The Black Volume can't come out yet because it spoils TWP.

On a slight tangent, I don't actually know where the idea that TEC3 won't come out until TWP is over, Cassie has previously said TEC3 would come out between books 2 and 3 of TWP.

ANYWAY, back to this Lucifer thing. Cassie recently said we'll go back to TMI themes.

And I think she mentioned Paradise Lost for a very specific reason.

I recently read Paradise Lost, and there's an interesting discussion and interpretation surrounding that book. The way Satan (or Lucifer) is written in Paradise Lost makes him a protagonist, but for many he is also an anti-hero written in a sympathetic way, if not a straight up hero. While his goal is ultimately evil, he isn't written as pure evil as Lucifer often is. He also is a liberator in Milton's poem, he believes that what he is doing is ultimately good for humanity. (I am not gonna waste your time referencing academic sources and interpretation, but I do think you should look it up if any of this sounds interesting)

I think Lucifer will not be the villain we believe he is. He may be a villain, but with different plans and motivations than the rest of the Princes. I wonder if Alec will be part of that plan and if Lucifer needs some of our Shadowhunters alive, and if he might be the reason Alec survived the stabbing.

TEC was always focused on the Princes of Hell plot while TWP is actively looking like it will be dealing with the Cohort, Clave in Exile and the plots set up in TDA. It makes sense to me that the Lucifer plot would play out in TEC.

This is what I have so far. I am open to people adding stuff, I doubt I'm the first to have this idea.