#that resonates so deep with me

[blood-red-ocean]

///ARCANE SPOILERS///

I don't get why people say that Vi's 'dirt under your nails' line is bad or cringey or whatever. When you've lived your whole life fighting and struggling, the dirt under your nails becomes part of your identity, it becomes a source of pride, a source of your work ethic and your conviction. I may not have grown up as downtrodden as Vi and the rest of the undercity but I did grow up (and still live) well below the poverty line in my country and spent many a night roaming the streets. Fighting was currency, it was honour. It was respect. How hard you worked was an indicator of what kind of person you'd grow to be. That no matter what, you weren't ashamed of the dirt under your nails, because it spoke to a brutal past, fights followed by laughter as you helped each other up, less mirthful fights for your life where adrenaline courses through your veins, it was testing your mettle and being loyal to those who you knew would have your back.

'I'm the dirt beneath your nails' is possibly the most meaningful thing that Violet could've said. It was her way of saying she's with you. That she won't stop fighting. And that she's proud to be by your side.

Be proud of the dirt beneath your nails.

[astearisms]

part of a sadness

[bumblydumbly]

i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably

[k233-0]

who am i without my powers?

[emberfaye]

No I do not want opposites attract I want them to be thisforthis

"Possessive and permissive" no I want possessive4possessive

"Whatever your soul is made of mine is the same" cool we have two unhinged lil freaks here that were all alone in the world until they met and now they have someone who doesn't just indulge or allow their behavior, they actively are caught in a feedback loop (positive and negative baybay)

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet

Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)

Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked

[monstersinthecosmos]

I woke up thinking about caregiver burnout in VC and specifically when marius says he sometimes wished the ship would sink so that the parents would be lost in the bottom of the sea and then he panicked that maybe they knew he was thinking it and he felt so guilty

[notcryingtoday]

I think the moment that shape someone the most where they're a kid is when they have to chose between being a dragon lover or a unicorn lover

Believe me it's going to matter for the rest of your life

(Those are the two wider category, but obviously there are the fairies, the griffins, the gargoyles...)

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: August Wrap-Up.

Hey, would you look at that, it's suddenly September! Rude and uncalled for. This month, I did a lot of knitting (two sets of gloves and two hats! gearing up for holiday season), and a LOT of writing (finished the first 16k draft of a scene, who???), and read uh. Some. I didn't finish a ton of books, but I did make it through what felt like a ton of pages.

Two-thirds of this month's reading were post-apocalyptic-community-oriented, on purpose, to feed into my current writing project, and that worked really well--either I'm very good at choosing books that match the vibe I need, or my ADHD brain is good at making connections, OR a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. Photos and/or reviews linked below:

GHOST STATION (pages-out stand-in book pictured above, because I checked it out from the library after canceling my paperback pre-order, which was a good call) - ★★ This was very bad. Bad science, stupid incompetent characters, JUST enough neat worldbuilding to make it FRUSTRATING that this missed so hard. I'm bummed because I wanted to read DEAD SILENCE by this author, too, but I don't trust her now :(

ALWAYS COMING HOME - ★★★★½ Loved this!! Dense and chewy, and it required a lot of patience, but it was very rewarding and I'm really glad I read it. My absolute favorite passage was about scrub oaks, but I posted a few other highlights and tagged them as "le guin posting," if you're interested! If you like Le Guin and/or utopias and better futures and/or huge books that push what it means to Be A Novel, check this out for sure.

ARCHANGELS OF FUNK - ★★★½ So. I didn't realize that this was attached to a few other novels she's already written. And I read it cold (oops). Goodreads informed me that it was Book #2 of Cinnamon Jones, and review-diving indicated that REDWOOD AND WILDFIRE is also implicated in its worldbuilding, but that didn't stop me because I can't read. I would like to revisit this one after I've read those other two, I think, but!: The community and vibes and Making Art At The End Of The World were all immaculate, and the character names made me feel vindicated in some of my own naming conventions (seriously: there's an Indigo in this, and a Game-Boy, and Hawk, I can't make this shit up).

Under the Cut: A Note About ~*★Stars★*~

Historically, I have been Very Bad™ about assigning things Star Ratings, because it's so Vibes Heavy for me and therefore Contingent Upon my Whims. I am refining this as I figure out my wrap up posts (epiphany of this month: I don't like that stars are Odd, because that makes three the midpoint and things are rarely so truly mid for me)(I have hacked my way around this with a ½). Here is, generally, how I conceptualize stars:

★ - This was Bad. I would actively recommend that you do NOT read this one, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not worth the slog. Save Yourself, It's Too Late For Me. Book goes in the garbage (donate bin).

★★ - This was Not Good. I would not recommend it, but it wasn't a total waste or wash--something in here held my interest/kept my attention/sparked some joy. I will not be rereading this ever. Save Yourself (Or Join Me In Suffering, That Seems Like A Cool Bonding Activity).

★★★ - This was Good/Fine/Okay/Meh. I don't care about this enough to recommend it one way or another. Perfectly serviceable book, held my interest, I probably enjoyed myself (or at least didn't actively loathe the reading). I don't have especially strong feelings. You probably don't need to save yourself from this one--if it sounds like your jam, give it a shot! Just didn't resonate with me particularly powerfully. I probably won't reread this unless I'm after something in particular.

★★★½ - I liked this! I'll probably recommend it if I know it matches someone's vibes or specific requests, but I didn't commit to a star rating on Goodreads. More likely to reread, but not guaranteed.

★★★★ - I really enjoyed this!! I would recommend it (sometimes with caveats about content warnings or such--I tend to like weird fucked up funny shit, and I don't have many hard readerly NO's). Not a perfect book for me by any means, but Very Good. This is something I would reread! Join me!!

★★★★★ - I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS, IT REWIRED MY BRAIN, WILL RECOMMEND TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION (content warning caveats still apply--see 4-star disclaimer). Excellent book, I'll reread it regularly, I'll buy copies for all my friends, I'll try to convince all of Booklr to read it, PLEASE join me!!

[sol-insidious]

“Din Djarin’s identity as a Mandalorian will always be central to his character, and his devotion to his orthodox religion, warrior’s creed, and its chivalrous code of honor is a truly noble one.”

and

“Din Djarin’s devotion to his creed has fundamentally isolated him from love, his role as The Tribe’s breadwinner was as unsustainable as it gave him purpose, and the fierceness of his faith stems from unprocessed trauma and the guilt he feels as an orphan and a foundling. His views on what it means to be a Mandalorian were narrow until he met others who didn’t conform to his own creed, and in this, his status as an voluntary oathbreaker is equally as integral to his character.”

…are both takes that co-exist in my mind.

[moe-broey]

Like also about that Ryoma "Hinoka and the others (Takumi/Sakura)" moment like. Like esp given the circumstances you might not think to list everyone by name but like . There's. A word you can use. "Everyone". Why are you singling Hinoka out??? Or am I just reading into that as well (esp out of context like, the reason I didn't rb those isn't a huge one it's just been so long since I've done a full Fates run that I didn't have the context on hand/in my memory, so. Felt maybe it could have been an unfair reading?? Idk idk the most impactful thing Ryoma has done to me is going "I'm gonna kill you. Badly. Right Now." [Ryoma will wait 25 turns])

[hanyusan]

oh, brightest star in the night sky can you hear it? that person who looks up at you, their heart's loneliness and sighs

– 夜空中最亮的星 (Brightest Star in the Night Sky) by 逃跑计划 Escape Plan

[the-spoingus-show]

my current project: jump forever!

this is the first of those scheduled posts i mentioned earlier!!! i figured i would start by talking about my current project - that way i can start posting updates about it without confusing you, Michael. The next post is gonna be about the beginning of this whole Godot thing i've been on, and then i'm thinking about maybe doing a Before Godot post as a bonus once i've talked about all my godot stuff (i love saying this as if anybody cares (besides you, Michael)). setting all that aside, though: this one's gonna need some backstory, so you should buckle in.

around this time last year, me and my little cousin (he's still in high school, but we've always been pretty close) got really competitive about a little game called Jump Forever. it's a side minigame from WarioWare Mega Microgames (the GBA one) where you just jump over a little rope until you fuck up. it's really fucking fun as an addictive little mobile game, and with a quick lil emulator it was one. thus, the addiction began.

truth be told, the phase last year didn't even last that long, but i had a long bus ride a couple of weeks ago and found myself opening the GBA emulator on my phone to pass the time. that led to a little bit of playing at home, which led to beating my cousin's score, which led to getting even more into the game than i was before. as our scores get higher, we've turned to better controllers than a phone touch screen for serious record attempts - i use a ds lite i had lying around (that i reshelled! it was very fun) and he emulates on pc with a controller (i think). this got me thinking about a potential "definitive edition" of the game - probably still on mobile, but with controller support, better touch controls (the game only needs <-, ->, and A!), faster resets, selectable skins, and maybe even unlockable skins? of course, when i finished my work on fnaf (ooh foreshadowing), my sights were immediately set on a Jump Forever remake.

with all that said, welcome to the game as it currently stands! at the moment, i've got wario, the rope swingers, and the score all just about set up, with one exception; the characters have collision, the rope swings (at varying speeds, even!), and wario's speed and physics feel very accurate - but i'm still working on the ai (if you can call it that) of the rope guys as they walk back and forth. i want it to work exactly the same way as it does in the original but i always overthink random mechanics like this. hopefully the next update i give will be about how i cracked it! even if the implementation ends up jank, though, it wouldn't be the first: the rope guys check if wario is too close to them to make it over the rope with an Area2D that just checks for wario when the rope hits the ground. it works! i could just like check wario's position in the code (and it'd probably be way more efficient), but this way just... works.

i still have a buncha crap i still gotta implement before the game's even really playable - the walking ai, the title screen, the little "Ready?" animation, etc. - but that's only the beginning of my work. firstly, i'm probably gonna enlist chloe (oooh foreshadowing) to help me out by drawing some new assets (if she's free, it is finals season), and then changing the game's native resolution from 240x160 (the GBA screen) to something not fucking insane. i've got "reworking all the sprites into easy to read spritesheets" on my to-do list, and after that, making the new assets (and then maybe the skins?) will be as easy as drag & drop. once it's got the new assets and all the polish that needs to come with a shiny new resolution, i'm gonna transition into the next phase - researching how to release a game!!!

[hi, not to ruin my own amazing transition but: it's 5am and i'm running back to edit this because i completely forgot to mention that i have currently implemented a 2 frame input delay on all inputs, because that's how the emulator appears to behave when i go frame by frame. every single day i rethink this decision more and more. surely there's no way that's how it's supposed to be, right? but i feel so weird changing it now!!! i definitely fucking have to though. next time i work on it. ok anyways]

now. i've posted games to itch.io before. but even then, i kind of fucked it up (i could never get the resolution of my web games to work right???) - so it's no surprise i've always been completely daunted by the idea of "releasing a game". when you post it on real stores, that's when it becomes... real. i'm excited about the new challenges it'll pose, though! now, a mobile release means a couple of things - bite sized fun, simple progression, and fun customization. i've already got the first part nailed down, and i figured i could nail the other 2 at once with a currency system based on how many points you get (or maybe even an xp system? that goes up 1 for each jump? maybe even both???) and skins (purchasable with said currency) that let you customize the player, rope swingers, background, and maybe even the rope itself.

pictured above is my stupid ass skins mockup (i literally just made this). the rope is rainbow, the background has a snow effect and a bunch of snow on the trees/ground (isn't it great?), wario is a lil version of the rope guys, and the rope guys have santa hats. i'm not sure how many different ropes you could really make with how i'm planning the rope to move, so i'll probably end up prototyping the graphics with chloe to figure out how to lay out the sprite sheets, and if they should actually have a seperate hand-grabbing-the-rope sprite for skin purposes. it'll definitely make things really confusing, but if i go for a mobile release i don't want to run ads, and so a currency you can buy with real money (and maybe one or two goofy supporter skins that cost real money, like a solid gold guy or something, as a form of donation) is a good way to make a lil bit of money from people who like the game.

all of this is fun to think about, but it's important to remember that the next thing i have to do is that walking ai. i've gotta Make The Fucking Game before i can do all this crazy other bullshit. i'm sure the ui design for all this is gonna be soooo fun, but i need a game to attach it to first :p

this went on reeeally long but i figure if this is a dev diary or w/e it's gonna end up running long no matter what, and the more info, the more i have to look back on fondly and say "oh shit, i know exactly when this was!", which is kind of the end goal of the project. of course, these incredibly long posts about shit that only matters to me are also incredible content for you, Michael, so i'm sure you're just eating this shit up. enjoy, you weird little man.

[stardustdiiving]

Everytime I tell people who know me pretty well I LOVED Pearl from Steven Universe as a child it’s so humiliating bc they’re always like oh of COURSE you did . I bet you loved her thing with rose quartz didn’t you and I have to admit Rosepearl was an integral part me building an understanding of queerness and they’re like that makes SO much sense. I cannot keep doing this

[saltpepperbeard]

AAAAH so I’ve been inactive/lurking for years but I need to come out from the shadows for a second to THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR OFMD METAS. Especially your takes on Stede in 6/7!! I know a lot of people have said it, (bc it’s true and right) but you describe and explain things SO WELL IT BREAKES MY HEART. AGH. THANK YOU. I feel like this last episode especially was just the culmination of Stede putting all his core insecurities into a pressure cooker and leaving them there while he focuses on everything else. We all love to point out that this man just does NOT talk about any of his core issues while they are VERY MUCH still issuing! He still believes everything bad that has happened is all his fault!! He’s still thinking about that blood spattered little boy at his core!! (side note: a famous, deadly pirate getting killed via Stede throwing a violin at his head was NUTS. that concept is NUTS. I love this show.) Honestly I think at this point it’s just finally Stede’s turn to have a breakdown, and that’s where at least some of his behavior at the end of ep 7 is coming from. Most of our major characters this season have had one where they break hard, find support, and come out on the other side of it at least a little better. He has NOT. He hasn’t had a Stede centered heart to heart with anyone yet!! He’s grown so much in so many other ways, but like you’ve said!!! He just will not OPEN UPP. Because it’s scary!! What if you finally say the thing you know is fundamentally wrong with you, and the people you love finally see you for what you are?? Why would you do that when you can just try to fix it by shoving it down and making yourself into something else instead? And then what do you do when that all goes to hell anyways?? You act a fool and get your ass beat by a pirate queen is what 😭😭. It feels like we’ve all been side eying Stede not talking about his issues and the show just went, “Yep! For sure! Now look at what it’s done for him.” That compared to everyone else working through things and starting to move on?? Owie. Absolutely delicious- but also I think I’m different now. Like, as a person. And I trust this show to work it out!! I think Stede will get there eventually!! But like. Fuckin OWIE.

(This is an absolute WALL of text good god. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and being yourself <33 I’m going to cry into the floor and try to function like a normal person)

...

Well goodness, do I feel honored to be graced by your presence and YOUR lovely thoughts too! Because your so-called "wall of text" is SO beautiful and so thoughtful and so very ACCURATE AS WELL. AND IT SUBSEQUENTLY PUNCHED ME IN THE KIDNEY </3 SJDKLS.

Because Lord, you're right, how do we expect this man to function when he hasn't had his bathtub moment yet? And to think--he ALMOST could have. Ed was opening the door and giving him a place to talk and share vulnerabilities. Ed came in and started talking about his DAD, which as we know is a MAJOR piece of vulnerability for him. He really came in and set the stage for them to go in that direction...

Onllllyyy for adrenaline and desperation and perhaps a bit of fear to still prevail.

Like, it kills me. HE kills me. People give him the opportunity. People try and extend an olive branch. And yet still, he hides behind numerous walls. He helps other people before he helps himself. His bathtub was used for the benefit of others in episode 6 as opposed to his own. And I think that's a perfect representation of his character as a whole, really.

And man I knew, I KNEWWWW he was going to have so much to work on when the season opened up with that dream sequence. I think that dream sequence spoke on SO MUCH of what's going on in his head. It really cracked his psyche right on open. The beard, the ruthlessness, the deeper voice, the posturing, the way he doesn't "gain access" to Ed until after he's made a kill...

It was all just SCREAMING self-image issues and toxic masculinity issues and trauma to me. Not to mention how DRAMATIC of a contrast it was to Ed's. Ed loves his darling, sweet, fantastic goldfish for who he is. And it kills me that Stede can't see that yet.

But yes, I do believe we'll get there. I believe that's WHY all of this is being shown/set up. The show is very clearly telling us that Ed and Stede have issues to work through, and that their relationship is going to take mutual effort to become mature and grounded.

...But man, is the climb up to that A BIG OWCHIE INDEED LMAO.

[mister-eames]

DUUUUDE! I am in love with your last ask/answer about Arthur but I am the greediest of all gremlins and now NEED your Eames version of this answer. What's Eames' reasons behind why it takes so long for him & Arthur to get together? Does he have his own version of he doesn't think he has a chance? Or whereas Arthur knew he had feelings for Eames & decided to lock them up in a box and hide them away, is Eames not aware of his true feelings for ages? Idk! I love this! No pressure of course!

Thank you for the question! Eamesie, my dearest darlingest Eames. I love him so much.

I don't know how well I'm going to articulate this (spoiler, not great), but here goes!

I suppose, at the forefront, is that my interpretation of Eames is him being incredibly vulnerable and guarded. Sensitive. He's a cancerian, I will die on this hill. There's a pervasive sadness to his character. It's in his body language, the way he speaks, the way he interacts with the other characters, how he is all ready to retreat at the first sign of warfare in the dream.

On this, and coming back to the concept of them being two sides of the same coin: where Arthur uses his persona like a weapon to ward people away from his heart, Eames has a thousand shields around his.

Eames is the overly cautious one. Arthur is the hothead with one hundred contingency plans and a smart mouth, but Eames is the one hiding under layers and masks and personas and misdirections and flowery words and tricks. Eames is not afraid of loving someone, as such, but he's profoundly aware of how deep his well runs when it comes to the depth of his feelings---and he knows without a doubt, were he to surrender to it, he would never be able to climb out of that well again.

If it doesn't work out he thinks there would be a part of him left with Arthur always, even if Arthur didn't know it - even if Arthur didn't want it.

If it doesn't work out, Eames believes 'well Arthur would just pick himself up and move on like nothing even happened' (not true, but he doesn't know that) meanwhile Eames would be riddled with craters in his very being. It's doomed to hurt, he thinks. That's a terrible bet to take.

Besides, what he has now with Arthur is fine. He's never had so much fun pulling pigtails before. Why rock the boat?

Does Eames think he is worthy of Arthur? Yes. Eames knows he would give anyone he loved his all - and it's just that - that's the scary part for him. Giving it his all. Losing himself when he has the option of being self assured. Sure, Eames has insecurities too, perhaps about his body, about being 'too much' for someone else, but at the apex? He has something inside him that would rupture easily, irreparably, and he's built a fortress within a fortress within a fortress to protect it.

In short, Arthur = love is a whole ass feeling, but not worth risking the pain/rejection/facing my own insecurities. Eames = love is a whole ass feeling, I will presumably decimate myself by giving in, therefore I should not. It's not that Eames is more in love with Arthur than he is Eames, but Eames' line of thinking very much leans towards catastrophising.

Neither Arthur or Eames are wrong in the way they think, but nor are they right. They place the riskiest bet with each other - their own soft sides and vulnerabilities. They admit to themselves, this person, this thing means something. But admitting that to each other would be passing a point of no return.

I also think thats what makes the pairing so compelling to me - whether the events of the film are pre-relationship, established or exes-trying again, its so clear to me how inextricably intertwined these two are. In the way way they seem to have a piece of each other without explanation - the way they tease each other, their banter, how they talk shit about each other to others, their little tête-à-tête - 'be back before the kick', 'merry chase', their nicknames? hello?? who else talks like that in the movie??

They have evidently carved a part out of each other without realising it. You might as well dive in, boys.