#that makes my skin crawl so much
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solemntitty · 3 months ago
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every single goddamn tech company application: thanks for finishing our assessment that you don't know what the fuck was accomplishing or if you actually got a good score, can you please assess the assessment for us
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
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labotor · 6 months ago
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"I'll keep your secret, DiMA."
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mendokayalways · 4 months ago
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I think we're forgetting in the whole idea of Cassida's tragedy and the Society of Primes in their devotion to the deities despite the anti-god stance of most Aeorian mages (I know they were already discovered by the Aeor govt but beyond that) before they tested it on any god - there was a in-world theory that Aeor was going to test the Malleus Factorum on another magocracy before any actual divine entity. They were gonna Death Star a civilization of mortals before they took out any Prime OR Betrayer. Aeor's Downfall was a tragedy but that doesn't mean that Aeor wasn't a horrifying place with horrifying ideals with just as little regard for mortal life as the Gods. The magocracies in general - we see it with the Ring of Brass and how they view "terrestrials". The way when Aeor comes to "save the refugees" only people who can contribute labor/materials to their society are valued - everyone else is left to die on a scorched Exandria. It's the same folly with Ludinus who refuses to see that he is no better than the Gods because he is making a huge gamble with the existence of the entire Exandrian AND Ruidian population, he has destroyed a city for an experiment, a communion. It's one thing to resent the gods for their horrific actions - but to commit the same atrocities in a war against them and declare yourself morally superior because of your hatred of them is just fucking hypocritical.
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lastoneout · 3 months ago
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haha I was already in dubious emotional territory and then I just had to see the EXACT kind of thing that triggers my fucking OCD so now I feel like crying because I cannot get this image out of my head no matter how hard I try to think about something else, it just keeps popping back up, can't wait for this to make me nauseous and keep me awake at night for the next week or two
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lavellane · 2 months ago
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i dont like the idea of everything being linked to the fade or the elves and mages etc etc and i think ive said that several times atp. but yknow what i DO want linked to everything? the deep roads actually. and im being serious abt that
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winepresswrath · 5 months ago
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People are so resistant to learning new information about Louis on the learning new things about Louis show. And to be petty for a second it's embarrassingly obvious that it's not even about their attachment to Louis' perspective and the story as it was originally told it's about rejecting any information that doesn't work with their hiatus theories. Louis will be like "shit I remembered that wrong. I have been lying to myself a little because the truth both hurts and fucks with my self image and the story of Us I have been telling myself to cope. And yet I care so profoundly about every detail and especially this specific thing. The truth of this matters to me because her story matters to me. I want you use the more accurate take" and people will be like "wow fake. probably his delicate little mind malfunctioning." Louis will be like "man in retrospect I have made a bunch of shitty choices, and I might have made them under extraordinarily fucked up circumstances but they were still mine. And I find I value being a person who makes active choices and I want to own those choices and after years of lying to myself and being lied to by both my husbands and on a minimum of at least one occasion having my literal memories altered I want to learn to live honestly. For myself. I want to become a person who tells the truth at least to himself." and they will be like "a regression. sad days." girl you just don't like the show it's fine.
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miiiwu · 18 days ago
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#sorry ignore this it’s post-election venting.#like just completely unproductive doomerism I need to get off my chest#ok real talk I have been feeling so hopeless and dead and depressed since the election.#I hate this country and I don’t think it can be fixed. not meaningfully in my lifetime.#I think I need to leave this place but im not financially able and im a transmasc person in a red state#with unsupportive parents.#I’ve given up hope on the idea that ‘ppl here are generally good and just misled into voting for the worse of the 2 evils’ and know just#feel these people are subhumanly stupid. beyond saving. no hope. they are voids. cesspits. empty headed useless ontologically evil braindead#soulless husks. it is useless to try to reason with them or inform them or convince them of anything. they are lost causes. it’s better#to leave this country while they rot in the dying empire They chose to make this bad.#they Want this. they Want fascism. they don’t care about other ppl#they are individualism poisoned Americans with no interest in a better future.#I hate them. I hate Americans. I hate my family. I hate my community.#none of it is worth fighting for anymore. they are lost causes.#the best course of action is to leave. but I can’t so im stuck with these fucking useless morons#so until then I have to rot with them. im stuck in this fucking tar pit of a country#with these fucking tar pits of ppl#illiterate fucking rednecks and functional alcoholic suburbanites. the fucking moldy white bread of humanity#I hope we all die. we deserve this.#useless fucking dnc allergic to winning.#barely coherent braindead voterbase. useless fucking male loneliness truther incels#the world would be better off if this country was fucking nuked off the map.#sorry silly fandom mutuals for being a whiny american. but things r materially going 2 get so much worse for me and my friends next year#project 2025 is terrifying and trump wants to put tariffs on everything which is going to cause prices of everything 2 skyrocket even more#and just knowing ppl are reveling in the ‘liberal tears’ aka ppl being upset that their lives r about 2 get worse makes my skin crawl#and makes me nauseous. these ppl are not human#they don’t care about Palestine they don’t care about Ukraine they don’t care about Sudan#and they don’t care about trans ppl gay ppl any racial minorities#some of them Are racial minorities and want 2 separate themselves from the ‘bad ones’#im just fucking disgusted by the ppl here voting against their own interests bc they r fucking dumb and misinformed.
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mothbeasts · 2 months ago
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i miss posting and making and engaging with ieytd content but I will be honest sometimes it feels alienating. as a lesbian.
#bee's buzzing#ieytd#i dont know.. its probably just me being Strange. but.#the Main guy in the fandom is juniper. and he's interesting! but. i don't... think about him as often#and when i do it's never in the shipping / x reader context i see so frequently in the tags.#i dont ship him with agent phoenix because. my agent is an it/its dyke. so i dont really engage in that side of fandom#i also dont think about the handler as often because. idk i just think about the women more!#but juniper and agent phoenix and the handler are like. the only people i see talked about often#which is fine!! people like them. i also like them just. not in the same way/to the same extent.#im here for the women. but. they're not talked about often at all :[#when they are it's usually briefly in passing.#they get the worst of the mischaracterization too imo. because people just do not give them the same depth as they like to give-#- charas like john. it makes me kinda sad tbh.#and also the fandom does not. seem to make much space for f/f content.#i know like. the handful of other people who make f/f content for ieytd.#and. god. idk im still honestly a bit ticked off by one solaris post that 1) was not a good analysis i will be quite honest.#it was very surface level. like really basic info and also iirc not entirely accurate? i cannot remember anymore#but. 2). it started by saying 'nobody talks about solaris outside of fabbylaris' and that still makes my blood boil.#like. not to vaguepost but. the fabbylaris posters ARE talking about solaris outside of a shipping context. please. please#also there was a whole Thing a while back where people started being strange about non-feminine nonbinary agent phoenix.#and as a nonbinary butch-adjacent dyke. it made my skin crawl!!! im NOT feminine and idk why making agent phoenix not feminine is.#apparently Bad to a certain subset of the fandom#sorry but im a dyke and i WILL make the player insert protag a butch lesbian who doesnt use she/her.#and if you have a problem with that please think about Why people making the player insert nonbinary and androgynous/Vaguely Masc is-#- such a problem to you. and whether that is alienating to the trans people in the fandom.#okay. im normal now. goodnight.
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wizardofarles · 6 months ago
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unpopular capri opinion of mine no one asked for:
i don’t give a fuck about erasmus and kallias. nothing on this earth could make me give a fuck about erasmus and kallias. in fact i actively dislike erasmus and the way he’s written :/
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skunkes · 9 months ago
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lab-gr0wn-lambs · 1 year ago
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Look I'mma be honest every time twd kills off a long-beloved character at this point I'm just
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depravedangelbaby · 10 months ago
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I'll make a bigger post about it later (bc I'm sleepy rn) but!! please do not call me a girl anymore (especially on anon), I am using they/them more often irl and want to feel seen/validated in my interactions on here!!
also thank u thank u thank uuu to all my enby friends on here for helping me realize that I'm enby too :) ♡♡
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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 2 years ago
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I wish i could get paid for hyperfixating on mdzs and thats it
Like 100$ per thought
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saucerfulofsins · 5 months ago
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lintwriting · 3 months ago
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some of y’all are so weak when it comes to being horny. excuse me if you think that nobody can be into a milf young man pretending to be an old man with the prudiness of a fine young mistress, excuse me if you think the only way men can be attractive is if they’re peak gender role—muscled and abbed for days. what, you think I’m pretending to want to IMPREGNATE Shizun???? you think only a man designed to be a male power fantasy harem protagonist can be fuckable? stop projecting
don’t get me started on those who make Shen yuans prior self unimaginably pretty. fashionable clothing with tasteful glasses and a beautiful two block haircut and an ulzzang face.
don’t talk to me until you’ve thirsted imagining a horribly ugly incel Shen Yuan with a NON trendy short buzz cut that makes his fucking hair spiky thanks to how asian hair texture works, a weak chin, those terrible thin rectangle glasses that most real life nerds seem to land on, and an anime shirt ugly jacket combo that I saw everywhere growing up in a Asian American high school.
the algorithm brainrot has gotten to you if you can’t imagine old Shen Yuan that way, tbh. Mans was a lying flat syndrome hikkikimori neet aka an incel aka likely not the most interested in the extremely niche beauty standards that the algorithm pushes onto you, and trust me I’ve seen my share of Asian dudes that look like how I’ve described. God, I go on here and I feel like I’m TOO weird and freaky for thinking that Asian guys don’t gotta look like Pinterest boys to be beautiful.
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