#that makes my skin crawl so much

[solemntitty]

every single goddamn tech company application: thanks for finishing our assessment that you don't know what the fuck was accomplishing or if you actually got a good score, can you please assess the assessment for us

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

[labotor]

"I'll keep your secret, DiMA."

[mendokayalways]

I think we're forgetting in the whole idea of Cassida's tragedy and the Society of Primes in their devotion to the deities despite the anti-god stance of most Aeorian mages (I know they were already discovered by the Aeor govt but beyond that) before they tested it on any god - there was a in-world theory that Aeor was going to test the Malleus Factorum on another magocracy before any actual divine entity. They were gonna Death Star a civilization of mortals before they took out any Prime OR Betrayer. Aeor's Downfall was a tragedy but that doesn't mean that Aeor wasn't a horrifying place with horrifying ideals with just as little regard for mortal life as the Gods. The magocracies in general - we see it with the Ring of Brass and how they view "terrestrials". The way when Aeor comes to "save the refugees" only people who can contribute labor/materials to their society are valued - everyone else is left to die on a scorched Exandria. It's the same folly with Ludinus who refuses to see that he is no better than the Gods because he is making a huge gamble with the existence of the entire Exandrian AND Ruidian population, he has destroyed a city for an experiment, a communion. It's one thing to resent the gods for their horrific actions - but to commit the same atrocities in a war against them and declare yourself morally superior because of your hatred of them is just fucking hypocritical.

[lastoneout]

haha I was already in dubious emotional territory and then I just had to see the EXACT kind of thing that triggers my fucking OCD so now I feel like crying because I cannot get this image out of my head no matter how hard I try to think about something else, it just keeps popping back up, can't wait for this to make me nauseous and keep me awake at night for the next week or two

[winepresswrath]

People are so resistant to learning new information about Louis on the learning new things about Louis show. And to be petty for a second it's embarrassingly obvious that it's not even about their attachment to Louis' perspective and the story as it was originally told it's about rejecting any information that doesn't work with their hiatus theories. Louis will be like "shit I remembered that wrong. I have been lying to myself a little because the truth both hurts and fucks with my self image and the story of Us I have been telling myself to cope. And yet I care so profoundly about every detail and especially this specific thing. The truth of this matters to me because her story matters to me. I want you use the more accurate take" and people will be like "wow fake. probably his delicate little mind malfunctioning." Louis will be like "man in retrospect I have made a bunch of shitty choices, and I might have made them under extraordinarily fucked up circumstances but they were still mine. And I find I value being a person who makes active choices and I want to own those choices and after years of lying to myself and being lied to by both my husbands and on a minimum of at least one occasion having my literal memories altered I want to learn to live honestly. For myself. I want to become a person who tells the truth at least to himself." and they will be like "a regression. sad days." girl you just don't like the show it's fine.

[mothbeasts]

i miss posting and making and engaging with ieytd content but I will be honest sometimes it feels alienating. as a lesbian.

[wizardofarles]

unpopular capri opinion of mine no one asked for:

i don’t give a fuck about erasmus and kallias. nothing on this earth could make me give a fuck about erasmus and kallias. in fact i actively dislike erasmus and the way he’s written :/

[skunkes]

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Look I'mma be honest every time twd kills off a long-beloved character at this point I'm just

[depravedangelbaby]

I'll make a bigger post about it later (bc I'm sleepy rn) but!! please do not call me a girl anymore (especially on anon), I am using they/them more often irl and want to feel seen/validated in my interactions on here!!

also thank u thank u thank uuu to all my enby friends on here for helping me realize that I'm enby too :) ♡♡

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

I wish i could get paid for hyperfixating on mdzs and thats it

Like 100$ per thought

[saucerfulofsins]

.

[angelstrawbabie420]

it’s so weird i’ve been a loner my whole life i need alone time or i will go crazy even if it’s people i love. i had zero problem growing away from people during covid like if anything that specific part of it was a relief to me. but lately i’ve felt this loneliness i never ever have before and it is actually tearing me apart

[fossys]

Hey guess who remembered why we stopped being active in plural communities in the first place <-people are dicks

[suenitos]

i think it’s likely they’d have no issue just wearing a wedding ring and taking the others last name as a social thing but i can see them making it legal so they never have to worry about visas ever again

I BELIEVE YOU YES YES YES