#that last post about actively feeling yourself forget something made me think of it

[bbeelzemon]

sometime this past year i had the experience of uh experiencing [something trivial i dont even remember at this point], and then felt in real time as my brain changed the memory right in front of me. like i Knew that my memory was now incorrect, but i couldnt remember what Actually happened. and i think that moment is the first time i ever truly started to realize that my memory in particular is not infallible and that brains change your memory of things and events all the time, especially over several years

[mimasroom2]

Hot tub time ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

Ellie x reader modern au/slice of life

I have a hot tub but we need to get it fixed. I’m literally so eager so I wrote this LMAO. I LOVE SLICE OF LIFE ELLIE X READER SM!! Expect a bunch more, I have so many ideas written down😚 Im so sappy grrrr,,, I already wrote kinky ass sex so here’s soft sex for u guys😋

C/w: smut lol. Ellie + reader have their own house YAHOO! A bit of fluff in this one >•<. Au but Joel is still dead 😞. He’s mentioned like once. Cunnilingus😝 (r! Receiving) I feel so awkward using y/n like seriously and unironically ahhhh.

W/c: 2.4k

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

“I’m actually so fucking bored I’m gonna gouge my eyes out.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. Ellie is always so damn dramatic. You glance over and she’s pretending to pull her hair out, large fistfuls in each hand.

You playfully shove her, “Okay, shut up Ellie.” And you both laugh. It was winter, and she was right… sadly. There was nothing to do during this time of year. Well, besides stay in and cuddle. The only problem was.. you’ve already done that. You two were both off work for the holidays, and you’ve already spent the wholeeeee vacation laying in bed together, so you guessed that Ellie wanted to do something a little more active.

“Wanna play Mario kart? I think the switch is in the bedroom.” You try suggesting, absentmindedly rubbing her leg.

“Nah,” she stretches her arms out on the couch, “Somethin’ more like physical yknow. Gotta keep these pretty muscles toned.” She winks at you, and you roll your eyes.

“You’re actually such a gym rat, you should just live there at this point.” You smirk to yourself, examining your nails.

“Maybe if I did I wouldn’t constantly trip on all the shit you leave around here.” Ellie remarks back, lightly kicking you on the knee.

“Hey, I keep it pretty clean considering we both share a room, thank you very much.” You cross your arms and huff.

Ellie gasps and starts kicking you more, so you yelp and start shoving her away. Suddenly she stops, holding out both her hands. “Holy fuck, babe. Yknow what I forgot about?”

“Huh.”

“Hot tub.”

You sit up at lighting speed, “OH DAMN YOURE RIGHT!” You actually can’t believe you forgot about that thing. You try to remember the last time you even used it.. must have been last summer. The hot tub was one of things that you’re OBSESSED with at first, but then you use it one too many times and you forget about it for a couple months. And then the cycle continues.

Ellie leaps off the couch and bolts down the hall. “GET YOUR SWIMSUIT ON WE ARE GOING IN!!”

~

You come outside and see Ellie lifting up the top of the hot tub. The whole things underneath a roof outside, so there’s not much snow in the porch where you two are standing, but it’s still really cold. You look up at the sky. The sun is starting to set, it’s been a little over an hour since you two had dinner. Delicious deer soup that Ellie made from when she went hunting a couple days ago. You always said that if Ellie was stuck in a post apocalyptic world, she would survive.

You suddenly remember the cold air hitting you, breaking you out of your thoughts of your girlfriend. You shiver, and pull the robe you’re wearing tighter around your body. You glance over at Ellie still messing with the top of the hot tub. All Ellie’s wearing is her classic swimsuit: plain black top and swim shorts. Her tattoo flexes as she finally pops the top off and turns the hot tub on.

You jump up and down in your slippers, trying to move to stay warm. “Ellieeee how much longer?”

She reaches down into the water and starts poking around at the buttons and jets. “Hold your horses, y/n, I gotta check all the filters n shit. Haven’t used this in a hot minute.”

“Mmmm I know but it’s cold.” You groan in protest. You know damn well you’re being a brat, but you swear you’re not built for any weather too hot or too cold.

“Well you wanna shut up and help me? Make it go by faster..” She looks up at you and you shake your head vigorously. “Yeah thas’ what I thought.” She smirks at you.

After what felt like foreverrrrr in the cold, Ellie turns the jets on and says you can hop in. There’s steam coming off the water as it hits the cold air. You can barley wait, you’re hyping the hot tub up in your mind. It’s something that feels like a luxury to you. The only thing that can make you stop thinking about your precious hot tub is your precious Ellie. You look up at her and get butterflies, even though you two have been dating for about 2 years now. She looks soooo beautiful, just standing there, folding up the tarp from the tub. You shake your head, thinking it’s so damn stupid to be drooling over your girlfriend who’s literally just standing there, doing the most mundane possible thing.

Some snow falls on top of your head so you brush it off. It’s getting too cold for you. You lick your lips, turning around to shed your rob, you’re still slightly shy undressing in front of Ellie, even though you’re still in a swimsuit. You hang your cute pink robe up on the hook where the towels you brought out are.

Turning back around to head into the tub, you see Ellie with her back towards you, messing around with the water guns from last summer. You check her out unapologetically, looking at her ass before you snap into reality again and take your slippers off to step into the hot tub. The hot water feels like it burns your skin, compared to the cold winter air. You take a couple minutes slowly sliding more of your body deeper into the water.

Ellie turns around, with one water gun still in her hand. “Feel alright, babe? Not too hot?”

You sink in deeper, up to your neck, “Mm feels good.” And then rise up again slowly, “Come in, Els. I’m gettin’ bored in here.”

“Oh yeah?” She closes one eye and lifts up the gun, suddenly shooting a short stream of cold ass water at you. “Not so bored now, huh?” She laughs and walks closer to you.

Your jaw drops and you scream when the water hits you, “ELLIEEEEE WHAT THE FUCKKKK!”

“What?” She fakes a pout, lowering the water gun. “I told you I gotta keep these muscles in good shape, right?”

Before you can retort, she’s already getting in the hot tub. “God, shove over. I’m freezing.” She accidentally splashes you as she’s hastily getting in.

“Ellieeeee! Don’t splash me! >~<“ you whine, but she just laughs, and this time splashes you on purpose. You sigh dramatically at all her antics.

She doesn’t reply, and just sinks in deeper, and you take no shame in watching her stretch her body out. Ellie groans slightly at the hot water enveloping her body. You sigh and blink at her, watching her eyebrows furrow. She slowly leans her head back against the headrest of the hot tub. You swear she’s egging you on, because she moans softly, giving you the perfect view of her neck, which she knows is your favorite place to kiss her. Suddenly, Ellie opens her eyes and says something that breaks you out of the trance you’ve had all day, “You keep lookin’ at me. What’s goin’ on?”

You let yourself float away from her in the water ever so slightly, “Nothing. I’m not looking at you.”

“Yknow I can like,,, feel your eyes burning into my back whenever you stare at me.”

You cover your face with your hands and

face away from her. She laughs to herself. She finds it so cute you still get flustered around her even after all this time you’ve been together.

“That’s too bad because I’m reallyyyy not looking at you.”

Instead of a snarky remark back, Ellie’s abnormally silent. You slowly bring your hands down to face her again, and she’s just looking at you with this look in her eyes. You think it’s somewhere in between concern and contemplation. “You trust me, right?” She says softly, after a few moments. You’re surprised, this is probably the quietest Ellie’s ever been with you.

“Of course I do. What’s wrong, Ellie?” Her tone is completely different than what you’re used to. This only happens on the rare occasion you guys have a disagreement. Or when you talk about something serious.

“Jus’ don’t want you thinking I’m gonna leave you.” She says, almost ashamed. She’s fidgeting with her fingers like how she always does, and avoiding your gaze.

You laugh softly. “Were you….. going to?” You can feel your heart rate speeding up.

Ellie’s eyes widen, “No. no no no.” She sighs, slowly, taking a few moments to collect her thoughts. “I get scared thinking about the future.” She mutters.

You look up at her. You knew Ellie gets scared. Of course she does. When she told you about Joel dying on what, your second date, you knew she’s not as… sturdy.. as she pretends to be sometimes. But that was in the past, and to hear Ellie admit she is worried about her own life ahead of her.. honestly made you surprised.

“Like.. I just want you to know that I’m always gonna be here for you.” She looks so concerned, like she might cry if you guys talk about this for any longer. She’s still looking down, trying to make herself smaller.

“Oh, Ellie.” You raise your hand up and softly tilt her chin to look at you. “I know. Okay? And nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Or me. Or us.”

She looks into your eyes for a second, before she gently tucks your hair behind your ear, leans in, and kisses you.

The kiss is as soft as she’s been talking - all emotion and thought as her lips move slowly against yours. She puts her hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. You sigh into the kiss. She was so tender with you right now. You were so used to fervent and desperate make out sessions with her. Not that that was bad, at all, but you didn’t realize how nice of a change this was until it was happening. You grab her waist, pulling her in closer to you. All of her is so soft and warm against you: her lips, tattooed arm, thighs.. and not just because you two were in the hot tub.

She pulls away to look at you, and you want to melt from the look on her face. She looks like she’s actually in heaven.

“I really love you.”

You smile softly at her, tracing over her tattoo lightly with your finger. “I love you too.” You pull her back into a kiss. After a couple more minutes, she’s more intent with her movements, like how she usually is. She’s not afraid to run her hands over your thighs and squeeze you nipple under your swimsuit.

You gasp at the sudden contact, and moan a little into her mouth.

She pulls away, “Cmon, baby. Need more of that.” and kisses you again, almost immediately licking your bottom lip, asking for entrance. She’s not as soft anymore, back to her usual self wanting to make you moan in pleasure as she works your body. You don’t even try fighting for dominance, just letting her tongue dance around yours as she pleases.

“Ellie…” is all you have to say, and she understands, shifting her position to let you have more of her. You want to press yourself down onto her, and please you both at the same time. You lift your legs up, trying to hook them around her, but you start floating away in the water. You’re not even going fast, it’s so comical how slow the jets are pushing you. You snort and reach out to grab Ellie’s hand.

“Ohmygod!” Ellie starts laughing and she grabs your hand, “Can’t exactly scissor in the water, I guess.” You blush and scoff at how forward she can be.

“Cmere. Let’s get ya propped up.”

You untie the knots on you bikini bottoms to take them off, tossing them somewhere you’ll pick up later. She grabs your hand and gently guides you to sit on the edge of the hot tub, on one of the corners so you don’t lean back and fall off. She brings your arm down to her face, and kisses you on the back of the hand. You smile and giggle. You swear you feel like a little girl again. You’re a princess and Ellie is your prince. You glance up at the sky - the sun is setting. An array of orange and pinks.

Ellie’s below you, turning down the jets of the tub a little, and getting into her favorite position: right between your thighs. You really couldn’t ask for a more perfect fantasy if you tried.

“This okay?” She asks, lightly rubbing your thigh with her thumb.

“Yes,” you breathe out, “please, Ellie.”

From where she is, you’re practically a goddess towering above her. You feel powerful and confident, and fucking desperate, wanting Ellie to just devour you already.

Ellie only hums in response before kissing your clit. You gasp sharply, you swear no matter how many times she eats you out you could never get used to the heavenly feeling. Her tongue starts lapping you up, and you moan loudly. You silently thank the neighbors for never being outside late during the winter, and that the hot tub is reasonably private, so no one can see you.

Maybe it’s just the cold frigid night air in comparison to Ellie’s warm, wet mouth, but you swear this is some of the best head she’s ever given you. Ellie never stopped licking and kissing at your clit - eventually she didn’t know if you were shaking from the sex or shivering because of the cold, but either way, she could tell from the volume of your moans that you weren’t going to last much longer.

“Mmmmmm- gonna cum soon..”

Ellie just nods, her face still buried into you. You can feel her cute little nose bumping up against you, and both her hands are up on your knees, spreading your thighs open for her.

She knows you’re close when you start whimpering and gasping for air.

“Ohmygod ohmygod Ellie,, fuck- you’re gonna make me cum..”

As soon as you warn her you’re throwing your head back, and your hips snap up as your orgasm takes over you. She keeps licking you clean until your breathing slows and you let yourself sink back down into the hot water.

You can’t even think of anything to say, so you grab Ellie’s arm and wrap it around you, as a way to ask her to cuddle you.

���Always such a cuddle bug after you cum..” Ellie mutters, mostly to herself, as she rests her head on yours.

You just chuckle and look up into the sky as the sun finally sets. You sigh in and out the cold winter air. Ellie kisses the top of your head, whispering one more ‘I love you’ as she pulls you closer into her arms.

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

[inkedtae]

xiv. rotten angelcake ⇾ kth. [M]

⎡She’s as sweet as angelcake; he likes her honeyed rotten⎤

chapter fourteen : the edge of us ⤑ ❝ you’re teetering on the edge of something dangerous and taehyung’s words are the only anchor keeping you from falling–or so you hope. ❞

⇽ prev. | masterlist | next ⇾

⌁ pairing; ceo!taehyung x curvy!reader (f.)

⌁ genre/rating; s2l, ceo au, sugar daddy au, angst, fluff, 18+

⌁ word count; 5.5k

⌁ warnings; dom!taehyung, daddy!taehyung, sub!reader, brat!reader, virgin!reader, daddy kink, corruption kink, aftercare, mentions of sexual activity, mentions of bdsm themes, and lots of angst

⌁ 🎧 now playing... ✩

» prefer ao3? keep reading here

ও huge thanks to jen ( @itaeewon ) for the amazing new banner and a very giant thanks to jen ( @anobodyslove ) for beta-reading this until no matter how late it is and always being there for me. i love you babes 💕

The gym is quiet–save for the gentle trickling of rain, your panting and his groans. Taehyung’s fingers brush lazily along your back, tracing shapes you’re too dazed to decipher. Eye fluttering shut, you melt against him. You hold onto this feeling of utter contentment, even if you know it is fleeting, and let it engulf your fretful heart.

Taehyung’s deep, indulgent groan cuts through the comfortable silence. “​​Look at you,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. “Absolutely ruined. What am I supposed to do with such a messy little thing?”

You breathe a chuckle. Nestling against the crook of his neck, you press yourself further against him and let his sweaty, musky scent overwhelm your overstimulated senses. In this moment, you are his– you are completely wrapped in warmth and comfort. He trails his fingers along your spine, kissing your temple and lulling you out of your post-orgasmic state of exhaustion with quiet shushes. You allow yourself to forget the photos, the lack of labels, all the stuff he said to EDEN or his friends and just be his.

“So desperate, so needy—it's almost cute," he teasingly whispers before trailing kisses down your neck.

Steadying yourself against his shoulders, you lean back to meet his gaze. Playful indignation twinkles in his gaze. He presses his forehead against yours, nudging your nose with his own. You cannot help the soft moan that sounds in response, the gentle shift of your hips against his as you finally catch your breath.

“I can’t help it,” you admit in a whisper, voice still frayed with vulnerability. 

Taehyung’s gaze softens– or rather, sobers. You’re not sure if it was your words, the sound of your voice, or the unbridled sincerity in your tone, but he stiffens beneath you. His grip around your waist doesn’t squeeze you against him either. Whatever warmth you felt moments ago disappears, leaving nothing but the cold to comfort you.

Swallowing thickly, you part your lips to ask if everything is okay, but the words die in your throat, shackled by fear, panic and disappointment. He’s been so responsive the last few times he came with you, been so open and forthcoming about how good it felt– how good you made him feel. Is he pushing you away again? Are you hurting him?

Heart in your throat, you try to stop yourself from thinking the worst whenTaehyung rasps, “Neither can I.”

With a furrow of your brows, you study his gaze. You search for any notions of anger, sadness, or even mischief but can only find hardened sincerity. Is this part of his game? His words only leave you more confused and disheartened. You wonder if he is upset by this revelation. Perhaps he doesn’t like admitting that you have that kind of power over him, or that he is capable of feeling this way for someone. 

Taehyung holds you close as he stands up. Your eyes widen at his strength and you grip tightly onto his shoulders, suppressing a surprised squeal. You knew he was strong from the way he picked up the weighted bar with ease earlier, but that weight was evenly distributed. And while there were several other occasions where he effortlessly lifted you, he usually had a wall or tabletop to press the better part of your weight against. He’s never picked you up without support before this moment. You wait for him to grunt or groan, or for his features to scrunch in concentration against the weight but he never makes a sound or bats an eye. He just stands with you firmly in his grasp, then turns to set you down on the bench with practised ease. 

You squirm in his previous seat. Your eyes follow his brooding frame to the towel rack. His back is wide and strong, flexing as he rolls his shoulders back. However, it’s the faint red, jagged lines that captivate you. Biting your lip, you try not to moan at the sight–at the fact that you just marked him. You can even see the indents of your nails in his shoulders and biceps.

Taehyung turns back, holding a small, damp towel. He raises his brow at you as an amused smile plays on his lips. You know you must look absolutely enamoured, innocently peering up at him.

“Spread your–”

Your legs part before he can even finish his sentence, and Taehyung cannot hold back any longer. He barks a laugh before looking down at you with condescending pity.

“You’re so eager,” he teases. “Is one round not enough for you, Angel?”

You can’t resist playing into his game, slightly leaning back to give him a better look at the mess you made of yourself. “Why don’t you get on your knees and find out?” you ask, sure to keep your voice submissive despite the brattiness of your words. 

Even still, you expected him to bend you over the bench, gag you with the towel, and spank you until you’re raw… or perhaps you hoped he would. To your surprise, he does kneel in front of your spread legs. 

Taehyung leans forward, pushing your skirt even further up to examine your arousal-smeared thighs and swollen folds. A throaty goran escapes him at the sight. He licks his lips when your hips buck ever so slightly in response. For a second, you wonder if he might lean in and clean you up with his mouth instead. He is so still, so focused on the way you clench, you want to ask him why he’s hesitating. But then, he starts to wipe the stickiness from your inner thighs, slowly moving inwards towards your folds. His touch is gentle and soft and you tighten your jaw to keep from moaning under his touch.

“You’re not spanking me?”

“Do you want to get spanked?”

Heat floods your cheeks. You try and fail to fight off a guilty smile as he meets your gaze. Biting your lip, you tuck your chin towards your chest, attempting to use the loose strands of hair framing your face to escape his playfully assertive glare. You wonder if you should confess that being spanked is all you can think about right now. You want him to sit on this bench, bend you over his knees, and land open-hand smacks on your cheeks until you’re in tears and on the brink of another needy orgasm–one he will probably deny you from experiencing if you continue to act out.

That thought alone makes you pout.

“No, sir,” you finally whisper, succumbing to his dominance all over again. “I’m sorry.”

The corner of his lips twitch but Taehyung does not allow his smile to overtake his features at your submission. He doesn’t even praise you for being a good girl like he always does. Instead, he continues to gently clean you up. When he’s done, he sets the towel aside to grab your awkwardly bundled g-string and tights. He untangles them within seconds, making you wonder if he’s just good at everything or if he’s done this before. You’re too scared to ask, instead allowing him to dress you one leg at a time. 

“Apologies for the interruption, Mr Kim,” EDEN sudden voices, drawing your attention to the speakers on the ceiling. 

Taehyung helps you stand, continuing to pull your tights up as she continues, “Jimin would like to know if you and Angel will be joining him for breakfast. Jungkook made some vulgar remarks. Would you like me to relay his message?”

“For fuck’s sake, no,” Taehyung replies, finally pulling your skirt back down.

You try to stifle your laughter with a bite of your lip. Parting your lips, you’re about to ask Taehyung how he met someone as unserious as Jungkook when he adds, “Tell them to go out without us.”

“Jungkook has already made breakfast, Mr Kim. Would you still like me to–”

“Yes.”

“Certainly, Mr Kim.”

Your amusement falters. He didn’t even let her finish the sentence before replying, as if the speed of his reply will erase the fact that the food is already set and waiting for them. You stand motionless, studying his expression to find it unnervingly neutral.

Taehyung avoids your confused gaze, bending down to grab the soiled towel. As he tosses it in the dirty hamper by the sanitation station, you can’t help but wonder if perhaps your presence here is more of an intrusion than the wonderful surprise Taehyung made it out to be earlier. Guilt festers in the pit of your stomach again. 

“I really didn’t mean to–”

“It’s fine,” Taehyung reassures again. “They’re leaving.”

Your brows furrow. Watching him walk back to the bar he removed earlier, you cross your arms over your chest in a poor attempt to soothe your racing heart. You cannot help but wonder why he has been so insistent on them leaving since he realised you were here. At first, you thought he might have just wanted to get you alone to comfort you about all the crazy attention you’ve been getting. However, as you think about how he curved his friends’ questions and how he now has EDEN ushering them out of the building, you wonder if perhaps he does not want you to talk to them.

Maybe you’re overthinking it… Taehyung doesn’t say things he does not mean, especially to you. If he thought that you were intruding, he wouldn’t have told you otherwise when you first arrived. And if he didn’t want you to talk to his friends, he probably wouldn’t have taken you to Jimin’s show or even introduced you to him and Jungkook not even twenty minutes ago. He could just be protective– he did say that to EDEN, right?

There is no need to panic, you tell yourself. 

Taking a deep breath, you try to act natural and put your heels back on. “You know, I don’t mind them,” you carefully say, sneaking a glance at him as you put on your other heel. “They seem fun. I can see why you like them.”

Taehyung retrieves another towel after returning the weighted bar in place. You stand back to your full height and watch his back muscles tense as he wipes his face and neck down from his sweat. His sweat didn’t bother him before, when he was pressing himself against you and talking you through grinding against him.

He’s hesitating, you realise. Why the fuck is he hesitating?

 “Yeah, they’re good guys,” he finally replies. 

You take a step closer, your heels announcing your movement. Taehyung instantly discards his towel and makes his way to his water bottle. You stiffen, watching him avoid your stare– your presence. You wonder again if you should have not come, if you should have called. Did you say the wrong thing? Was the sex not enjoyable? 

Your heart constricts in anxiety and humiliation. You wrap your arms around yourself again, swallowing thickly. If he didn’t like it, why did he cum–lose himself in you the way he did? Why did he help you cum? It can’t just be because you’re friends– he clearly doesn’t treat Jimin and Jungkook like this. You wonder if all this is only for sexual gratification. Maybe he is just using you to get off and he has some sort of weird kink around helping you cum but not cumming himself. But he always says he never pays you for sex so how could both those things be true? 

You can’t do this anymore. The second-guessing, the passive aggressive behaviour, the cryptic responses– you’re done. You don’t want half-hearted replies, handsome smiles or captivating eyes. You just want him. You want his warmth and sincerity. You want everyone to know that you are the cause of it. The whole country is talking about you, looking for you, wanting to catch the briefest glimpse of you because they think you mean something to Taehyung. For a while, you thought you might have. But standing in this empty gym, with him effectively ignoring you as he takes gulps of water, you cannot help but wonder if anyone means anything to him.

Your realisation stirs the echoes of several distant memories on a swaying yacht in the middle of September. Mr Kim doesn’t have friends. He has obsessions and they never last, Marina once told you. You thought she was just jealous and bitter, and perhaps she was. But maybe there was some truth in her declaration. Mrs Gelardson then attempted to comfort you, including you into her generalisation of women Taehyung had bedded. She’s not fond of any of us, she said. Even now those three words, any of us, make your stomach churn with disgust and despair. You didn’t believe you were one of them then. However, the way Taehyung evades the topic of his friends, gives you pause.

Are you really just like the others?

Frustration bubbling over, your fists clench and jaw sets. Tears prick your eyes and you do your best to blink them back, but it’s no use. Soon, a pair of rouge tears fall before others stream down your face. Your stomach knots with misery, chest tightens under the pressure of the emotional storm roaring within you. What makes matters worse is that, in this humiliating moment of passive rejection and fear, you still crave his touch. One embrace against his strong frame and you know everything will be okay.

Taehyung snaps his head up at the sound of your sniffles. His once perfectly neutral features morph into concern. He takes a step towards you only for you to take a step back. 

“Don’t,” you firmly order, despite the impression of a heavy sob in your voice. 

“Did I hurt you?” 

You know what he means. You know he’s referring to the way he thrusted against you, but still nod your head, holding his gaze with conviction. “Yeah, you did,” you confess in the steadiest voice you can muster. “All you ever fucking do is hurt me, Tae.”

Taehyung scoffs. He shakes his head, as if he’s the one exasperated with your behaviour. “This again? Do you even hear yourself? All I ever do is hurt you? I–” he cuts himself off with a groan, clenching his jaw. “Stop twisting–”

“Twisting?” you question, voice trembling with anger. “What is there to twist? You barely say two fucking words to me about your life! You were just avoiding me two seconds ago because I brought up your friends and you wanna stand there and tell me to stop twisting things.”

“Don’t raise your voice at me,” he orders. His voice is tempered, but a soft impression of a growl still softly resonates in the room. 

Any other day, you would have whimpered at the sound and apologised. You might have even pressed yourself against him and buried your face in the crook of his neck, allowing his strong arms to hold you close and sweet scent to soothe all your worries. But the twinge of pain in your chest refuses to be pacified by the mere sound of his deep, dulcet voice any longer. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” you reply, raising your voice even more. “Not when you’re hiding me from your friends like I’m some secret whore.”

“When have I ever said that to you?” He questions, matching your volume. “When the fuck did you hear the words ‘secret whore’ leave my mouth?”

“Oh, are we going to stand here and pretend that your actions don’t speak louder than your stupid words?”

Taehyung does not take kindly to your sarcasm. He straightens, rolling his shoulders back as he glares at you. It’s not the same glare he gives investors or pitiful women who try to get his attention. It is a glare of pure, unbound rage. Eyes dark, jaw tight, he seethes with frustration, clenching his fists at his side.

You return the glare with every bit of conviction, every notion of pain within you. If he thinks he can intimidate you with nasty looks, he’s sorely mistaken. You will not be deterred this time– not until you get the answers you want. 

“All my actions have been selfish, have they, Angel?” he asks, stepping forward. 

You hold your ground, steeling yourself against the way he continues to use your nickname even while he is so obviously annoyed. You firmly plant your feet to keep from moving towards him, refusing to give into his sensual power. Tears continue to pool in your eyes as you watch him draw nearer. You do not waver your stare as your mind rages with profanities and the unforgivable realsation that: this is not fucking fair.

 “Even when I take you out–”

“That’s for work,” you correct. “We have an agreement.”

“Even when I make you cum?”

You stiffen.

“Is that part of our agreement?” he mockingly questions, now only an arm’s length away. “You’re standing here crying and acting like I’m the fucking bad guy. I want you around, Angel. I want you all to myself.”

Your heart skips a beat at his words, momentarily discarding the frustration it once held. His selfishness might be why he pushed his friends away, but it doesn’t not explain why he was avoiding your gaze before. He was being cryptic and distant when you brought them up. That is not the behaviour of someone who just wants to monopolise your attention.

Still, Taehyung must see your resolve wavering in your eyes as he finally towers over you. He doesn’t dare touch you yet, though. And for that you are thankful. You’re not sure you’d be able to completely reject him if he did.

“That’s not good enough,” you whisper. “What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?”

Another heavy exhale escapes him and he averts his gaze to the left for a moment. You tilt your head to force him to maintain eye contact– the same way he often does with you. He can sigh and purse his lips all he wants but he will look at you while he does so. He must–because if he is going to stand before you and act like his avoidant behaviour has not been damaging, then he will do so while maintaining your cold stare.

“I know nothing about you, Taehyung,” you continue, tone sharp but voice wavering. “Before I met your family, I had no idea what I was walking into because you never told me anything about them. I didn’t even know you had a niece and a nephew or two brothers or that your grandparents basically raised you. I’m not even sure if that’s true because you never explained anything to me.” 

Taehyung flinches.

Your lips twitch into a sneer at the sight, momentary satisfaction soothing your frustrated heart. Good, you think. You want him to feel the agony of never knowing, the tormenting thoughts of what this all means– if it even means anything.

Huffing softly, breathing jagged from suppressed sobs, you steady yourself to add,“But, you know all about me. You know about how my mother–” you cut yourself off to swallow a sob.

Taehyung reaches out to rest a hand to cup your face, but you take a step back with a shake of your head. He retreats with a sigh, shoving his hands in his pockets instead.

Finding your voice again as tears freely stream down your face, you continue, “You know my mother’s addicted to painkillers. You know how she hurt me, how she blamed me for it. You know I don’t talk to my family anymore and they don’t care enough to call. You know I don’t have any friends of my own and that I hate work and I feel like burden on Mrs Chu, nearly every fucking day. You know everything about my life and all I know about you is that you build things and have money.” 

“That’s not–”

“Oh right, sorry,” you sarcastically shout, cutting him off, “You have some daddy issues but I barely even understand what they are because you refuse to talk about anything remotely personal.”

“I don’t owe you my past,” he shoots back, voice calm despite that bite in his words. “You don’t get to demand that like you’re entitled to it. You told me about yours willingly.”

You remember that day vividly– about four months ago. While scrolling through social media, you stumbled upon a post from an old high school friend. It was a repost from your older sister’s account accounting her pregnancy. Disbelief twisted in your gut as you clicked on her page. Wiping your tears, you scrolled through all the images of her new house, her trips with her husband, even the progress of the nursery. Each milestone was  a sharp reminder of the moments you were denied.

Your anxious curiosity hadn’t stopped there. You used her account to stalk your mother’s account, then your father’s–even your freeloading brother’s. They have all moved on with you, effectively shunning you from their lives just as your mother promised. No one called, no one asked, and no one cared. You had and will always be their greatest disappointment. You knew that when your mother neglected you, abused you. You knew that when your father pretended not to notice all your bruises and scars she left. You knew that when your lazy brother, who is all but one year younger than you, was rewarded for simply existing in a cis-male body. But looking at their social media accounts at that moment, you felt it deep in your bones too: you do not have a family anymore.

And when Taehyung called that night, you couldn’t stop sniffling or hide the pain in your voice. You told him everything, sobbing into the phone as he shushed and comforted you. 

You were grateful for his support at the time. You remember thinking he was the sweetest, most caring person in the world and all you wanted to do was curl up against his warmth. 

Now, standing before him, his audacity stings like salt in a wound. Suppressing a roll of your eyes, you breathe a humourless laugh. “Are you kidding me? You would not stop pestering me about what’s wrong.”

“You answer the phone upset and you expect me not to ask you what’s wrong?” Taehyung questions, a smile of disbelief playing on his lips. “Right, I forgot– I’m the asshole here. Next time, I won’t give a shit about you.”

“You already don’t!” You scream, voice slightly pitching. Blinking back tears, you ground yourself long enough to get it all off your chest. “What kind of person, let alone a friend– because that’s what we are, right?– would hide someone they care about from their friends? You were laughing with them! They’re obviously your friends, so don’t you dare deny it, Kim Taehyung!” You spit, standing on your toes in a poor attempt to solidify your own dominance.

Taehyung does not take well to your use of his full name. He tilts his head, tonguing his cheek only to tighten his jaw. “You have–”

“I’m not done,” you seethe cutting him off. You almost don’t recognise your own voice, so sharp and full of contempt.

He blinks and you swear you catch him shiver under the icy tone of your words. 

“If I meant anything to you, you’d stop pretending like I don’t exist in front of your friends. You’re not the asshole here but you’re treating me like you’re embarrassed to be with me?” you ask with just as much vehemence in your tone.

“Embarrassed?” He repeats, baffled. His shoulder previously slouched under your steeled gaze, square as he towers over you. “You’re my plus-one, Angel. Why would I drag you around with me if I was embarrassed to be seen with you?”

“You–”

“I’m not done,” he hisses, matching your previous tone. 

You curl inwards, lowering your chin towards your chest and peering up at him with tear-brimmed eyes. Taehyung’s strong resolve momentarily wavers at the sight. He slowly raises his hand as if he’s about to curl a strand of your hair behind your ear, but then lowers it– as if thinking better of it.

A quiet sigh of relief escapes your pouty lips. You’re not sure what you would have done if he touched you so gingerly. 

“I’m not embarrassed by you, Angel– I’m not,” he emphasises when you scoff. “I am not trying to hurt you, eithe– Don’t look at me like that.” He orders, voice gruff with exhaustion and annoyance. “I want you here with me– I want you here all the fucking time!”

“You’re so full of shit!”

The word tumble out of your mouth, laden with hurt and resentment. You don’t stop them, nor do you regret them, puffing your chest out and holding your head high. Tears stream freely down your face and you don’t try to blink them away anymore. Exhausted, you cannot handle another second of his half-truths anymore. 

Taehyung stiffens. His eyes darken in a way that is not greedy nor indulgent but rather sinister. He stands so still, so tall, staring at you with an intensity that makes your stomach twist with desire and fury. His face is a portrait of calculated calm, as though the heat in his gaze sparks with simmering anger. 

“Excuse me?” He quietly questions, voice so deep and tempered. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me.”

“Say it again.”

You shake your head. 

Taehyung raises a brow. 

You press your lips together to hold back a sob. It slightly breaks through a stifled sigh. You shake your head with more certainty, asking in a voice so frayed,“What are we doing?”

A notion of confusion settles on his features. “What do you mean?”

“What is this? What are we?” You finally ask, shakily inhaling.

The flaming wrath that once burned in his gaze slowly diminishes. His jaw slightly slackens, tension softening– upon your questions or the sound of your broken voice, you don’t know and can’t be bothered to care. 

Licking your lips, you swallow the lump in your throat, let out a trembling breath and conclude, “Taehyung, I am not your friend.”

“That’s not–”

“We stopped being just friends a long time ago!” You suddenly shout over him. With a gentle shove against his chest, you exasperatedly add, “You know that, don’t pretend you don’t!”

Taehyung does not budge even an inch from your shove. His chest is a wall of strength, which you regret to realise still makes your toes curl. You push aside your neediness, holding on tightly to your anger.

“Tell me what to do one more time,” he roars, “I dare you!”

Goosebumps prick your skin, despite yourself. You know he doesn’t respond well to being ordered around and that maybe, if you really want him to understand you, you should have approached this with a more level head. You should have calmly expressed your frustrations and not shouted or sworn. However, you’ve tried to be patient before and he always says he will be better only to disappoint you some other way. 

You can’t keep doing this. 

Letting out a loud groan of frustration, you push him again, not caring if he doesn’t move at all. “This isn’t a game, Taehyung. I don’t want this anymore,” you gesture between the two of you. “I want to know where we stand. I want to walk into a room with you and not have to worry about how to introduce myself or which lie to sell,” you grip onto his shoulders, digging your nails into his soft skin, “I want you! I want us!”

“Why would you even want that?" He shakes his head, a bitter edge to his voice.

Your hands drop to your sides in defeat.

"If you think the media’s bad now, it’ll be worse the moment they know we’re anything more than friends,” he continues, “And don’t get me started on my grandparents. They'll expect every little detail about you.” 

The idea of being his grandparents prodding you, doting over you and accepting you as one of their own fills you with a warmth that makes you sick to your stomach. You swallow back the rising bile in your throat at the realisation that this reality of a serious relationship is ridiculous to him. He doesn’t think it’s worth it and you realise that every worry you have ever thought about him leaving, ending this friendship is suddenly materialising before your eyes. 

There is no use in holding back now, you decide. If you are going to walk away from this, from him, you might as well get it all out.   

“I want that!” 

“Why would you want to put yourself through that?” Taehyung asks again, his patience thinning with the sharpness of his baritone voice.

“Because I like you, you idiot!”

“I swear to God, Angel– Insult me one more time.”

An incredulous chuckle escapes your trembling lips. 

Did he just threaten me?

You just bore your heart to him. You told him what you want, hurt and furious and afraid of losing him. You confessed your feelings as best as you could. You told him what you want  and he threatens you because you gave him a well earned insult. 

Shaking your head, you take a step back. “You’re unbelievable,” you whisper, before turning towards the elevator. You don’t bother wiping your tears or fixing your makeup, not sparing him a second glance as you pick up your pace. You want–need to put as much distance as possible between you and him. 

“Don’t walk away from me,” he orders, following after you. 

Whirling back to face him, you summon the last bit of your rage from deep in your chest and demand, “Don’t tell–”

Taehyung closes the distance between you within two strides. He cups your face with a soothing tenderness that ignites shivers down your spine. His lips collide with yours without hesitation– combusting your heart with divine delight. For a moment, the world trickles away like raindrops on a foggy window, slow and then all at once. You cannot remember how you got here or what prompted this grand gesture or what your name is as he sears his own upon your lips instead. 

Soft and sweet, his hands trail down your body to your waist, pulling you closer against him. You melt into his touch, arching your back to mold yourself into him. Running a hand through his hand, you use the other to steady yourself with a grip on his shoulder.

Taehyung breaks the kiss with a quiet moan. His chest heaves heavily against yours, eyes searching. 

You furrow your brows. Licking your lips, you feel the heat his mouth left. “You…You kissed me,” you murmur. “Why–”

“Are you sure you want this?” Taehyung asks again. 

Confusion folds your features. You wrap your arms around his neck, pressing yourself as humanly close as possible to him and fervently nod. “Yes,” you practically beg. “Tae, I want to really be yours. I don’t want to keep second guessing us anymore.”

He sighs, nudging your nose with his. ““I don’t either,” he mutters.

Your eyes widen at his confession. You wonder how long he’s been thinking about this– about you like this. “Why didn’t you say something before?” you can’t stop yourself from asking.

Taehyung swallows thickly. He licks his lips before replying, “I don’t know.”

You raise a brow. That’s not something Kim Taehyung often admits. Searching his eyes for deception, you inhale deeply and shake your head. Your noses brush, coaxing a small smile on his lips. You suppress your own at the sight, intent on waiting for a serious response. 

Sighing, Taehyung tongues his cheek. “I didn’t want to ruin what we have,” he finally confesses. “And I really did want to keep you to myself, Angel. I like the way you look at me when it’s just us.”

You shift against him, legs pressing tightly together. “And how do I look at you?”

A smile tugs on the corners of his lip, and he hovers them over yours again. “You look at me like you don’t know anything but me,” he rasps, voice thick with possession. “Like I’m the one thing you need and nothing else matters.”

You bite back your whimper, not allowing yourself to completely succumb to him just yet. You can feel his hot, minty breath panting against your parted lips and, despite the intense urge to feel his tongue pushing against yours in your mouth, you fight against kissing him again.

You cannot ignore your lingering doubts at the fact that he has yet to define what you are. If he simply calls you his friend again, you might throw your shoe at him in frustration. 

“So where does that leave us then?” you question. 

Taehyung brings a hand up to wipe away the last of your tears. He gently swipes his thumb under your eyes, removing your smudged mascara. “Together,” he whispers, “as a couple.”

Your heart thumps in your chest, struggling to contain its excitement. “So you’d be my boyfriend?”

Taehyung smirks at the label. Nodding, he hums, “That’s right, princess.”

note; please do not leave hate towards me or any other readers. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my work without my permission.

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about Logan adjusting to this new timeline, becoming sober, and Wade somehow finding Logan's dog tags. ~4k words.

(Tw: Logan's a depressed recovering alcoholic with survivor guilt, unofficial proposal, canon usual implied sex jokes, Logan tries to flirt but fails)

To my wife. Who's halo lit up my dark life to see just how many doors were available to me when I couldn't see them myself<3

He offers him his to wear as a cutesie matching necklace type of thing but Logan is hesitant to take them, scared of what will come of it. He does it anyway though because he sees how happy Wade is wearing his.

What he refuses to tell him though is that just hearing the tags jingle makes him jump, flinch, his heart rate rises, and his mind floods with scenes he's worked so hard draining every bar he could find dry just so he could forget.

For me, I, too, am a man with deeply rooted animal instincts and was raised to behave like an obedient pet instead of the animal they made me.

An animal trained to take orders. A soldier without his post is miserable and constantly is either trying to find it again or defend himself from ever having to go back to a post to begin with.

You aren't good enough for them if you obey what they say and excel past the standards. But you aren't good enough if you question their authority and make choices for yourself either. Hoizer comes to mind.

Running with the bulls

Working my miracles

Holding my world together with a boot string

His night terrors are worse, more frequent, constantly a battle between wanting to protect and defend the less fortunate to saying, 'No, I'm done with that. It's none of my business, It’s someone else's problem now.'

He wakes up screaming, claws drawn, every possible sense he has to run activated, panting, gasping almost for air. He's panting, heaving deep but quick breaths, all of the hairs on his arms raised like a cat who just heard a dog barking after having gotten attacked as a kitten.

Living the dream

Benzos and gasoline

Coffee and blue light screens till the morning

He wakes to the sunlight in his face, gets up, stretches, takes his Valium. Eats some toast, calls it breakfast, gets dressed for his weekly AA meeting. The moment he steps inside it smells like Gasoline. Sweet honey scented lies that he hates to admit that he knew all too well. ‘It was only one’ ‘I asked for a virgin one but they brought me the wrong one’ ‘I'm trying, I really am..it's just.. hard’ He's heard them all before but the last one he could relate to the most.

Coming home at night, Logan puts his face into the back of his partner's neck, hugging him from behind as he offers to watch a cowboy movie marathon with him. He barely eats, only taking what Wade gives him or shoves in his mouth like the now spilled popcorn that was all over the ground, His boyfriend sprawled out on the couch while the “Dvd” bounces back and forth on the blue screen.

Wade never likes it but recently he's been drinking coffee at night, pacing back and forth as he searched online for a job. Kept himself far from the nightmares that were trying to catch up with him.

If I tell you this is drowning

You tell me I'm walking on water

I could bring fire from the mountain

You tell me it feels a little colder

Everyone was telling him how good he was doing, how well he was adjusting, how happy they were that he was here and yet.. He didn't feel like he deserved it. Any of it. Not the second chance, not the love and support of all his new family, not the affection from the man who whispered how proud of him he was each night..

It doesn't help his mental status when multiple jobs reject him either. Interviews don't exactly go that well when you have claws for hands and a reputation for having a temper.

“I'm sorry we're looking for someone with more… experience.. in this field. You need an entry level job.”

“Woah dude! You are WAY too qualified to be working here! you should try looking for something higher up, yeah?”

“I'm sorry. You're too much of a liability.”

“Oh my god- You're the Wolverine!”

“Yes.. but uhm.. No.. I'm just Logan now.”

“Wait, why are you applying here? This is a cashier position.”

“I'm aware..”

“Aren't you like… an X-men?”

“N-no… not anymore.”

“Oh… Did they fire you?”

“I quit.”

“Why?”

“Are.. these questions part of the interview?”

What kind of man was he if he couldn't even get a damn job at McDonald's? It felt useless. Like everybody wanted something different from him, but no one was happy either way. Never pleased with his resume or his reputation. You would think being an ex X-man would make it easy. Of course someone would want to hire a superhero? Right? Wrong.

I don't wanna

Choose between being a salesman or a soldier

Just let me look a little older

It seemed everyone wanted him to rejoin the X-men and as much as he missed that mansion upstate, it wasn't his. So many times he's been told stories about himself that he didn't even remember …well.. because it wasn't him. They wanted The Wolverine.

Their Wolverine.

Not Logan.

There was always that spot at the dealership with Peter. Now that Wade was back on his role with mercenary stuff and doing more “Favors” with Colossus, Negasonic and Yukio, that position was open. Part of him- No. Scratch that. All of him was happy for Wade. He seemed to be enjoying life so much more now that he felt he had purpose. But what was his purpose? Selling cars?? Definitely not. Even if it was, they were looking for something else anyway.

“It says here that you are 286 years old. Is that a typo?”

“Oh- uhm… No..”

“I see…Well we are currently looking for someone… younger.. to fill that spot. Sorry.”

But they were never actually sorry. He could smell it.

Coming home from the failed hunt, he felt like an older lion losing its pride to a younger male lion. Well- if lions could develop arthritis in their knees and hands. Once a day he'd pop out his claws, just to keep them ready though he felt like he hadn't used them in such a long time… Maybe he really was turning into an old house cat like wade said.

Sitting in their shared bedroom, he was grumbling to himself, grunting as he tried to get his claw unstuck. This wasn't the first time they locked up and he feared it wasn't the last either.

He snapped his head up at the sound of tags. Around the corner came who he expected, Wade, quickly hiding his hand under the blanket. Coming in, his eyes widened.

“Woah wolvie! Without me? Really? I would have gladly done it for you.”

At first Logan wanted to thank him for offering to help before quickly realizing that from how his hand was under the blanket, it did look suspiciously like adult alone time.

“T-that's not… no.”

“M'kaay. If you say sooo~”

“H-how uhm.. How was work?”

Watching as he began to grab shower clothes and take off his mask, He smiled.

“Oh you know! Watching the life drain from peoples eyes and what not as they beg for their life! The usual.”

“Oh.. that's.. fun?”

“Extremely liberating stuff.”

Watching as he began to strip, He swallowed, wishing he'd leave already so he could finish shoving the claw back into his skin.

Let me step a little bolder

I don't wanna

Choose between being a butcher or a pauper

“You wanna take a shower with me?” He asked, Beginning to walk around butt naked in nothing but his tags.

“U-uhm… No. No thanks, I had one this morning.”

“D'awwww what? Worried i'll see your peanuts? News flash baby, I've had those things down my throat! And I will say. They're better salty anyways~”

All this teasing changed his monotone face into a small goofy smile as he came close, crawling up into his lap, taking hold of his cheeks as he kissed his nose.

“What's wrong? Did you not get the job?”

He was so envious of how he could say such dirty things. Wade was so confident and yet so shy about his face. It made him think of when he was that confident in himself too. (Probably overly confident if we're being honest) Oh that was so many years ago… he'd never get that back. And honestly? He wasn't sure if he wanted to.

Logan said nothing but it was all the answer wade needed.

“I see. Well you'll get’em next time, Right?”

He looked away. Ashamed. Here Wade was, being overly supportive, giving him everything, and still he couldn't find a single happy bone in his body.

Shifting his leg to reassure him more, His knee was placed on the claw, yipping. “Ouch!”

“Sorry! I… I can't.. i-it won't..”

And on top of all that, he just hurt him. Man he sucked at this. All of it. Every little bit of it.

Pulling his hand away, Logan's eyes looked over Wade just as quick as it happened, Trying to see if he was bleeding only to jolt.

“Hey- shh.. Calm down. You're alright.” Grabbing his wrist, he carefully moved the tags that had gotten stuck on the claw.

“What's got you all riled up, Kitty? The interview couldn't have been that bad.”

But what he didn't know is that it WAS that bad.

Instantly Logan broke down, breaking heavily as he began to sob, gritting his teeth as he put his non-stuck hand on his face, wanting to hide. He felt pathetic. Useless. Weak. All of the things he fought not to be.

“Ooh, Honey come her-” Wade reached a hand out, trying to console him only to be shoved away.

“Don't!! I-.. I'm tired of hurting people! That's not who I want to be!”

“Baby cakes, it was an accident-”

“No!! Eveyone wants the Wolverine until the fucking wolverine is actually acting like the Wolverine!” He shouted, trying not to choke on his own tears.

Tilting his head, Wade blinked as if he wasn't aware of what he was talking about, but why would he? Logan hasn't told him anything negative for the past 2 weeks. Keeping it all bottled up, trying to push it deep down but that wasn't him. He couldn't handle it anymore.

“Everyone just keeps saying I should join the X-men again and i-” Wilson put his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with the most serious he has ever been in his entire life.

“Logan, If that's what you want we'll make it work. It's only an hour drive, and i'm sure I could visi-”

“Wade!! Shut. Up! I don't…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he began to apologize, whispering he was sorry for yelling at him.

“I-it's not your fault.. I.. I don't..”

Wade was patient, Nodding, encouraging him to open up with his words. He knew when it was time to zip it and let him talk. Now was one of those times. It was his turn to listen.

“I don't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to fight to begin with but… It's the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good at anything else.. My whole life I've just been jumping team after team and they all eventually die or I just get kicked out for not understanding the power of team work or whatever. Hell, I've been through three different wars and every single time I ran away! Like a damn dog with its tail between its legs! All except the times I was TOLD to run and I didn't. Fuck, Wade! 3 fucking wars and I can't even take orders right!!”

Honey, I'm taking no orders

Gonna be nobody’s soldier

It was now Wade's turn to try to stifle a laugh, snorting as he covered his mouth.

“What's so fucking funny?! That your boyfriend is a sad pathetic loser who can't even get his hands to listen to him!?”

Now he burst out laughing, starting to giggle.

“You're over here talking about not being able to take orders and not being good enough for a team while talking to the same guy who can't even GET on a team and was kicked out of Canadian special forces because I didn't listen to a single thing they said! And you think I care if you ‘can't take orders’ ??” He said this last part in a mocking tone, trying hard to be serious but couldn't.

Logan's eyebrows scrunched with a skeptical glare, tears still dripping down his face, feeling embarrassed and stupid.

Cupping his face again, Wade smiled ear to ear, their foreheads together. “You're much dumber than the comics make you out to be if you think I'd care about anything like that. You honestly think I'd care if you don't want to be anyone's soldier? Why do you think I'm my own boss? The world isn't built for guys like us, baby. And if you wanna open a coffee shop or- pursue your dreams of photography, or hell! Even bird watching for all I care, I will still love you. We will make it work. No matter what you choose to do. Even if you don't get a job at all. Do you understand?”

The man started into his eyes, seemingly frozen as he processed all that he said.

“Logan..”

“Hm?”

“You gotta nod hon, we've talked about this.”

Slowly nodding, indicating that he understood, the tears got thicker as he pulled himself into Wade's shoulder, sobbing more.

“Oooh There there… There's my big strong man..” Wrapping his arms around him, he was careful of the single knife still out. Sitting him up, he rubbed the side of his face as he kissed the other cheek, only to gasp.

“GAASSSPP!! Peanut!”

“What!?” His grip tightened around his waist as he looked around urgently, immediately sniffling and starting to wipe his eyes.

“You're getting greys!” He coed, reaching up to pluck a single gray hair from the beast, who flinched. “Ouch..”

Leaning back, Wade held the hair in front of his face, His smile still wider than ever.

“You're turning into A silver fox, wolvie!”

“W-what?”

“Ooh I bet you're gonna be so handsome! Eehh!” Hugging him again, tight around his neck.

Blushing, He wasn't sure what had just happened. How him venting and crying out of the rage he felt to Wade fangirling over one of his single hairs.. though.. I guess it made sense for your bald boyfriend to monitor yours. Wade has even made him start using a fancy shampoo that made his hair a lot softer, curlier, and Less greasy.

“.. you..You're excited that i'm getting old..??”

“Duh! I've always wanted to be a hot silver daddy's sugar baby!”

“What does that even mean?”

“Don't worry about it- Oh hey look! Your claw went back in.”

Looking at his hand, he made a fist and opened it a couple of times, blinking, oblivious. “...How did you do that?”

But what he didn't realize is that the stress was flowing out of him, and the relief that Wade seemed to be obsessed with him no matter what had calmed him down enough for it to slide back in itself.

“I didn't do anything, sweetheart. You opened up. Let it out. All that stress isn't good for you, you know. How do you think I ended up looking like this?” He joked, giggling.

For some reason, He laughed too, finding this a bit funny.

“Do you feel better? Hm?”

“Nngh..”

“I'll take that as a yes.” The naked man whispers, kissing him with his arms lazily on his shoulders, glad that he was able to cry in front of him. Twas a very manly thing to do and there was no one more manly than the Wolverine himself.

“Alright. I'm gonna go shower. I stink worse than you do after being out in the rain.” You know, wet dog and all. Pulling away, there was a clang and a tug at both of their necks, the tags becoming stuck together, making wade smirk more. “I think these tags don't want me to go.”

Quickly frowning, Logan swallowed, moving to take his off, pulling up his hand as he held it, putting the tag inside of it, closing his fingers.

“Wha..I-... what are you doing?”

“Wade.. I..” He sighs, looking away with a nervous pout, Grunting a bit from frustration. Why did words have to be so difficult?

“Are you breaking up with me?!”

“What!? No! I-.. I don't..”

See what Logan didn't know was that Wade had viewed these as promise rings, the equivalent of engagement even but he was okay with never actually getting married. As long as he got to wear the dress in his closet and dance with him he wouldn't mind if it was legal or not. He understood fully that not everyone wanted to marry the stage 4 cancer patient whose skin looked like turkey bacon that was somehow raw and burnt at the same time.

“You don't what? Do you.. want something else? We can get rings! Do you want rings?” shifting to sit closer to him, Wade was obviously becoming upset about this, untangling the tags and looking at him with those big brown puppy eyes.

“Rings…?”

He could see the gears in his head trying their best to turn as he thought what he meant.

“How would we make them into rings?” He finally asks and to Wade, this was basically a proposal.

Sitting up more he began clapping excitedly the same way he did when seeing puppins again about 8 months ago. “Eeh!! Yes!!”

His head turns, Giggling. “I would've taken it in front of the subway like Sanda Bullock but this works too!”

Logan, like a dumb ass, looked too, knowing full well he wouldn't see anyone but still always looked anyway. “Who??”

“Oh I'll show you later! What size are you?”

“In rings?”

“No, your cock, Of course in rings!”

“Hey now- I never agreed to a cock ring, Wade. No.”

The serious tone and the way he pointed his finger at him made him laugh more, taking his hand as he kissed it. “We'll figure it out. Okay so after my shower, I'll call a guy I know. I think Forge would do a much better job but I feel like he'd say no.” He began rambling about how cute they would be and how excited he was, climbing off of his lap (finally) and started to walk off.

“W-wade!” He called, swallowing again, nervous to ask him to listen.

“What? You wanna come shower?”

“No- well.. maybe but..”

Again he waited, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying his best to be patient but it was hard not talking for 0.5 seconds.

“It's not that.. I don't like them. It's just.. I got those a long long time ago.. and I don't want to be the man those belonged to. Not anymore. And it's not that I don't think about rejoining all the time, it's just.. I want to live my life the way I want too. Charles always said that at the end, we'd get to live how we deserve. That's my time. My time is now. I want to sit on a porch somewhere out west and watch the horses graze. I wanna sit around doing nothing with Puppins in my arms. I want… I want to be with.. with you.”

He admitted, and for once Wade was the one speechless.

“I don't want you to visit. I want to live with you. But not here. I want to go somewhere quieter. Somewhere I can just be.. Logan..”

Putting a hand on his chest as he explained, he didn't see his smile move, not a smidge, watching as he bit his lip and covered his mouth trying to stay quiet until he was done.

“Of course I still want to help people though! Protect them from other worse people… I'm just tired of being someone's toy soldier all the time. I want to do what I think is right but.. also have time to listen to you sing when cooking and take Puppins to the dog park. I want to protect..Us.” Yeah. That felt right. Us. Both of them, all of them. Together. His family.

“B-besides.. If I became an X-men again I don't think I could do it. I could barely sleep back then thinking about all the screams.. the people I couldn't help. I don't think I would be able to get over the fact that I can't save everyone… But I definitely want to try to at least save a few people. Take care of them… all of them. Even if they don't think they need help.” He smiled a bit, taking a huge breath as the stress was relieved from his shoulders.

“Alright you can talk now because I'm never doing that ever again, that was super embarrassing.” He muttered, flushed as he looked down at his lap.

The second he gave him permission to speak, Wade screamed, a scream that made Logan's eyes widen and look at him with a slow blink. “....what was tha-”

Immediately he was pulled up from the bed, picked up and squeezed tightly as he jumped around. Grunting some, he held on tight, feeling a little nauseous. Sometimes it was easy to forget how strong he was.

Still screaming, Wade was extremely excited about all that was just said, Logan admitting that he wanted a serious future with him was a lot better news than he could have ever wished for.

“Put me down!... Wade!... I'm gonna throw up!” He said, whining that he was given uppies non consensually. Even he couldn't help but laugh though in response to his giggles. God that laugh was so annoying and yet his world would feel pointless without it.

Putting him down, Wilson grabs his cheeks, petting his beard. “Ooh Logan.. I don't need protection.. because I can't get pregnant. But if I ever find out that I can, I'll definitely hire you.” He jokes, causing more blushes as his hand comes up to Wades, nuzzling into it for a moment.

“You know what I mean…”

“I do. And while I won't stop you, how about you be your own soldier for a bit? Tell yourself how to live. Not anyone else. And i'll be behind you, wearing a shirt with your ugly mug on it, supporting you the whole way. Got it?”

“Aye! I'm not ugly!”

“No you are not! I've barely been home for 20 minutes and am already so wet. I haven't even taken a shower yet “ he mumbles casually as he begins walking away.

“Heh.. Hey…erm Wade?”

“Yes, love?” Just about to leave the room, he turns, smiling gently at how talkative his fiancé was.

Logan blushes more. “I uhm.. If I'm nobody's soldier… can your name be nobody?”

Wade looks confused at first, now it's his turn to figure out what he was saying.

“Cause.. if your name is nobody then i'd be.. nevermind.” Waving A hand, he glanced at his shoes, stuffing his hands in his pocket having just fumbled that line completely.

Within seconds, Wade was back in that room, giving him the sloppiest, deepest kiss that was available, kissing him all over.

“Oh Logie! You're so sweet! But leave the flirting to me, mkay? I don't need you throwing your back out trying too hard.” He pats his chest, grabbing his hand as Wade drug him by the wrist.

They both laugh as they enter the bathroom, closing the door with a click.

[zaceouiswriting]

The Delinquent

Character: Theo Raeken x male reader

Universe: Somewhere in Teen Wolf

Warnings: Smut

Authors Note:

I know I'm a month late for my annual Theo Raeken Appreciation Month. But better late than never, right? On this blog, we know that Theo Raeken doesn't get the recognition he deserves (Or Cody Christian, his actor). That's why me, myself, and I have made it my mission to fill this world with as much Theo Raeken content as possible. I may not post every day (honestly, even posting once a week would be a treat at this point), but I promise to get out as much as humanly possible. And there will be a lot of smut. A lot of smut.

Please forgive me. As an apology, I'm including a GIF of this handsome man so nobody forgets how good he looks!

It had become much more intense than even you could have imagined in your wildest dreams. The same hands that punched you in the stomach that morning and that later punched you in the face were now holding your bare ass up. He had been in such a hurry to rip off your pants and underwear like an animal, that they would likely not be useable anymore. If you think about it, he was an animal but only in all the right ways.

His rough, large hands felt heavenly on your bare skin. You never knew what you were leaving out when you didn't get intimate with someone. Even though it wasn't love by any means, you don't think it could feel any better. It was clear that Theo was not just experienced but a master at it. Each thrust was meticulous, like a well-oiled machine, even if he didn't look at you.

You had heard - as everyone else - that he would fuck anything on two legs, but he was only seen with girls. It made you hope to be the first guy he fucked.

Only half of his cock was pushing in and out of your hole as it was much, much bigger than you expected. And even though you prepared for it every night - as you knew deep down it would happen someday - the thought of him couldn't prepare you for the real deal.

Suddenly, Theo jolted you out of your thoughts by forcefully slamming your back against a row of lockers. It was almost as if he wanted your undivided attention, but wasn't willing to reciprocate with the same. The openness of your activity made it even more tempting to you. Up until this point, you didn't even know you had this kink - to fuck in the open hallway of your school.

As he turned his head back to the side, you felt shame welling up. Fed up with his gamey, with your left hand, you grabbed his sharp jaw and forced him to look at you. The moment your eyes met, you saw nothing but contempt in his hazel, almost innocent-looking eyes. They were so beautiful when he was angry, but right then they sent a wave of excitement down your spine.

“Look at me while you fuck me,” you whispered to him, barely able to contain your lewd moans. You wanted nothing more than to scream, moan and groan. But you kept it to yourself, not wanting to show him how much you loved the feeling of his cock in your hole, how his hands were holding your ass so tenderly, spreading your cheeks and the roughness of his skin, or the way his eyes made you feel with the obviousness anger contained within them. The hopelessness of the situation in his glaring eyes made you stay hard.

“Fucking faggot,” he muttered angrily, but there was more that you couldn't pinpoint.

Smiling, you looked straight into his beautiful eyes. “Last time I looked, you were fucking me.”

He paused for a second, disbelief running across his face, just before he stopped being gentle and entered you fully. You could have sworn you felt something tear, but the way he hit that one spot inside, you couldn't feel pain or even think about it. Theo began to thrust upwards like the wild animal he was, which in return made him move closer to you. So much so that his head came right next to yours, panting heavily. He obviously liked it at least as much as you did, but his ego and pride surely wouldn't let him show it, which made him look even hotter in your eyes.

“Shut up, fucking whore!” Theo whispered in your ear. The closeness of his voice caused an obvious shiver throughout your body, coupled with his warm and moist breath tingling the fine hairs on your ear and neck. It finally broke whatever resolve you had. You started to moan loudly, and your hands buried themselves in his perfectly styled hair, to try holding onto him for dear life. “Do you like that?” he asked teasingly, an audible grin in his already teasing voice. But when you tried to answer, he thrust up at the first note, making you moan instead. “Fuck! You feel so good and you sound so fucking needy.”

The dirty talk was finally enough for you. As you came without touching yourself, you moaned in deathly embarrassment, one shot after another coming from your cock, which didn't go limp afterward.

“Fuck, stop milking me!” Theo moaned, not realizing he had made you cum. It wasn't until he moved his head back and saw your fucked out face, partially limp, with your head against the locker and not against his neck where it was just a second before. Theo looked intrigued, at least as your blurry eyes suggested. “Shit,” he muttered, pausing in his movements, “If you had shown me your naughty side earlier, I would have fucked you long ago,” he said to you, chuckling darkly.

He suddenly removed his right hand from your ass but somehow managed to hold you up with just one hand since you couldn't wrap your legs tightly around his waist anymore. Out of nowhere, he touched your face and gently caressed your cheek. Without a word though, he stuck his fingers into your mouth. Noticing it a second later, you slowly closed your lips around his strong fingers and licked them like they were a lollipop. But Theo forced it further down until his palm was against your face. You didn't gag or anything.

Realization hit Theo a few moments later. But still, in disbelief, he pulled his fingers out until a soft 'pop' was heard. He moaned at the sound so loudly that you thought he was coming. But just as suddenly as before, he started fucking you again, more relentlessly than before. Clearly excited about what he had just discovered. Somehow you knew it would lead to many more wet and slimy encounters.

Theo's hand went to your throat where he tightened his grip, restricting your breathing. But the only thing it did to you was make you want him to fuck you senseless.

Your eyes must have betrayed and you believed him starting to grin again. After all of that, it didn't take long for Theo to come. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth in ecstasy. Just a second later, he groaned loudly, filling your insides with endless amounts of his warm cum. With one particularly powerful spurt, his swollen cockhead pressed against your prostate so hard that you came a second time.

He collapsed against you as you felt his cum painting your insides like a masterpiece while simultaneously painting the outsides of him and yourself a similar color. As he carelessly breathed heavily into your neck, you became excited again. But when you heard a low rumble from him that almost sounded like a chuckle, you looked at him. You caught his big, scheming eyes staring at you, which made you blush.

He slowly lowered you back to the floor where you almost collapsed, but Theo was there to hold you tight. Your legs had never hurt so much. It took a few minutes, but when you were able to stand alone, Theo asked for the test answers, immediately, staring at you darkly again with his blank, murderous eyes, which he used for his gang activities, even though you believed he would someday build a massive underground empire. You just knew that you couldn't be on his wrong side. To comply with his request, you stumble towards your backpack and retrieve some documents. As you turn back to him, you notice his surprised expression.

“You had them with you the whole time?” he asked exasperated.

“Of course,” you replied plainly, hiding a grin. “I know you like to get your deals done quickly, so I finished it after my morning beating. All the answers to all kinds of questions,” you told him before hobbling away.

***

It was a week later when you were cornered by Theo again, his cronies were nowhere to be seen. Knowing why, you didn't show fear, even when he left you hanging in the air by your collar. You seemed like a lightweight to him, but you couldn't be mad about his fury, after all, you outsmarted him.

“Why the hell did I get an “F,” you fucking idiot?” Somehow, you imagined him as a foaming-at-the-mouth wolf, ready to attack you and rip your throat out. But the next moment you imagined him naked and only with dog ears, you immediately blushed. “What’s there to laugh about, faggot? I'll make you feel how stupid it was to-"

“I’m sorry,” you interrupted, eyes closed, preparing yourself for what was to come. But when you opened them again, there was nothing but self-confidence to be seen inside them, which confused Theo. You placed your right hand on his and looked deep into his hazelnut eyes. “You won’t hurt me anymore!” you told him calmly. 

It seemed like an order, which infuriated Theo even further, causing him to question whether you comprehend the power imbalance between the two of you.

Before Theo could argue, you pulled out your phone. You were about to say something and held the screen up to him. When Theo played the video and heard the lewd moans, he immediately shut it down, horror visible in his eyes.

“You filmed us?” he asked. Swallowing loudly, he waited for your answer, but you just grinned. “You stupid faggot,” he muttered crestfallen, his face in his hands.

“That’s funny,” you replied arrogantly. “The only person who's actually fucked another guy is you, and to be honest, from the way we're standing in the video, it looks a lot like... you know. What if people see it? Do you think they would see the same thing?”

You never thought you would see defeat in his eyes so quickly. Until then, you thought he would destroy your phone and think it was over. But he seemed to have realized that you were smarter than that, which you were since you had a dozen copies of them at home. You weren't ashamed of admitting to jerking off to it multiple times if he asked.

“What do you want?” he finally asked, his head bowed and his voice staggering. He wasn't attractive the way he was right then. Pushing him lightly so that he would have no other choice but to put you down again, until you stood strong before him.

With your free hand, you ran over his burgundy shirt, feeling every muscle of his - as you knew - divine body down to the edge of his pants. Without hesitation, you undid his button, as he simply stares at you, unable to say anything.

“I’m about to suck you off, but first I’d like to make a deal with you.”

Theo was already breathing heavily. It made you smirk, knowing you made a certain, rather lewd impression on him. Massaging his big, soft cock, it grew faster than you thought. But you decided against teasing him about it.

"The deal is that you'll be intimate with me every day until the end of the school year, for me not to show the video to anyone, and I'll help you leave this place as a straight-A student for me getting a favor in the future. But you would have to change your behavior a little or the teachers might think you were cheating.”

"What do you- Ahhh, damn it, tighten your grip- Yes, that's right." Theo was already in heaven and seemed to have forgotten the conversation you were having. But somehow he snapped back after a few seconds. "What do you mean?" He finally finished his question, albeit loudly swallowing.

Smiling, you scoffed at him. “Do you really think they would believe that a delinquent like you would suddenly become a great student?” You removed your hand from his, still on your collar, and pulled him by his collar closer to you. “But don’t worry, I’ll teach. But I think I deserve something special now.”

Theo looked confused, his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes filled with many unanswered questions. You didn't feel like answering any of them, so you pulled him closer and kissed him. His lips tasted like mint, and before either of you knew it, your tongue was already entwined with his, dancing in perfect harmony.

[Masterlist]

[p-oisn]

let's get positive ! (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

(the content below the cut contains mentions of sensitive topics such as implied su*cide & sh so pls scroll if you're uncomfortable w those !)

this is a long rant about life basically .. 💩💩

i was going to make a post like this sometime later anyways bc i felt .. like a nice person ... but i made it a bit earlier than i expected bc i saw a post from oomf that really made me think .. so here u go

this comes from my own PERSONAL experiences and this is js my point of view yk !!! im no expert on any topic HSHSJ this is js the way i cope plz dont come for me in my asks ... i am aware that it isn't the same for everyone but , i hope this message can be helpful to some extent </3

if you feel like like life is leading nowhere n you feel like giving up I PROMISE it will get better bc i felt the same for two whole years n i will say that i have improved a LOT since . yes , it took me longer than i expected but i didn't give up and you shouldn't either ! it was hard n there were times i felt like i wasn't making any progress / improvement but in the end , it still got better

be kinder (to yourself, first) ☆

i think the first step to loving yourself is to forgive yourself .. its okay to try over n over again , you're still human n i think ppl tend to forget that often bc they're so tough on theirselves . let's not forget that your body is actively trying it's best to keep u alive , your WBCs for example ! (let's appreciate these little guys for trying their best 🎉🎉) your body too , deserves to be loved back , for fighting so hard just for YOU! so pls don't hurt yourself in any way </3

appreciate yourself for achieving even the smallest of tasks because even if it wasn't something big , YOU DID IT ANYWAYS ! every small achievement of yours deserves to be appreciated . even if it's momentary happiness , appreciate yourself while it lasts . i understand that sometimes even small things could be such a hassle but you can always reward yourself later ! i personally like to buy donuts everytime i finish something (this could come in handy when you're really craving something if you get what im saying ..)

It's okay if you're going at a slower pace than other people , what matters in the end is that you get it done ! everyone is not the same so it's unfair to put yourself down for such things .. also applies to comparing yourself to someone because in the end you'll still be you .. even if you don't like it .. that makes you unique ofcourse , there's only one of you in this world so embrace yourself for that !! you're one of a kind (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

oh, but, life's the same, it's boring ... ☆

yes , a lot of days could end up being the exact same because like , there are 365 days in a year so you can except most of them to be similar .. but as a new year starts , ofc many things change without you even noticing it , you grow older ofcourse , and you could be starting a new year in school , you meet new people and so on ! if you compare your life from a year ago or even a few months ago to now , you'll surely notice a few differences atleast so .. life is not reaaaaally the same right .... everyday is a new experience ! literally anything and i mean anything could happen the next day , you could even win the lottery who knows 🤫

when i felt like everyday was the same , i tried changing my patterns .. (my current favourite thing to do is go on a walk ! sometimes i take my dog w me , it's super fun) i would do small things that i dont usually do like sketch ! or i attempt cooking something new .. but obviously there were a LOT of days where i did nothing , sometimes even weeks , and that's okay ! we all deserve days where we do nothing ESPECIALLY if you're someone who is working or js in school / college everyday .. you deserve that break

i think a big factor is being unproductive ? don't get me wrong , i still am my same unproductive self at times unfortunately , n sometimes they do get so bad that they lead to a terrible burnout .. n i went through a rly bad burnout not long ago n trust me you do not want to get this far :( how do i deal with this ? (let's take studying as an example here) well i always start off with small portions , even if it's just a page or two . n then i slowly keep increasing the amount of pages i read .. n yes ofc , i understand how brutal burnouts can get sometimes n that's why it's important to not overwhelm yourself by attempting to finish a big portion of your studies in one go .. just take it easy , let the information marinate in your head for a bit before you move on to the next topic .. so basically what im trying to say here is don't overwhelm yourself with big tasks especially when you're already burntout

friends .. they're great ☆

the thing that honestly improved my life by a mile is getting good friends .. I've had my fair share of bad friend groups so trust me when I say this , it's better to be alone than with people who drain you mentally because . you deserve someone who treats you the way you actually want to be treated .

"but it's hard to make friends" i completely get this because i am a very shy person myself </3 but i think you could start by trying to make friends online ! its easy to find someone with similar interests on the internet .. so when you feel down atleast you know that there's someone on the other side of the world who cares for you ..

but this doesn't change the fact that solitude is AMAZING too (tbh i could go on for a really long time on how i love being by myself but this is already getting super lengthy ...) you can be your own friend too ! (okay see now this seems insane but if it makes you happy WHO CARES AMIRITE) i personally enjoy my own company like omg .. she can get a good laugh out of me sometimes ... you can do whatever you want when you're alone ! you can dance to your favourite playlist or experiment with a bunch of stuff ! if you get bored you can watch your favourite movie or consume your favourite piece of media that no one gets like you 🤫 so , as much as making friends sounds great , let's appreciate solitude too !!

ah, life can be beautiful sometimes? ☆

one of the biggest reasons i go on walks almost regularly is to remind myself how beautiful the world can be sometimes .. (atp half of this is me convincing you all to go on walks) i live in a beautiful neighbourhood n there are a lot of different flowers and fruits that grow here and that makes me really happy . going on early morning walks especially is soo fun , the world is so quiet then and you can even watch the sunrise 🥹

another thing is buying myself things i like ... especially clothes ... if you think you would look good in something then js go ahead and buy it ! don't mind what other people think because like ... YOU are wearing it and if people around you have a problem with that then i think they should close their damn eyes and not look at you if it bothers them that much 🤦 you deserve to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin , you deserve to dress the way you want to ! so if you feel like dressing a particular way would make you feel better .. GO FOR IT !!! this applies to other things you like, maybe accessories, merch or stationary that look cute .. it's okay even if people judge you for your style because in the end they're the ones who are boring and miserable because they spend soo much time hating on others 😒

life is soo much more fun when you take care of yourself trust me ... you deserve to be taken care of !! so spoil yourself once in a while i promise it's okay as long as it makes you happy <3

to sum it all up .. yes , good times don't last forever but so don't bad times , and you and i both can get through a bad day because life is still going on (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ bad times too , will pass . so please believe in yourself and hold on !! i love you

again, this is all how*I* like to cheer myself up so pls don't take anything here in a bad way 😖 all of this was made with good intentions and im so sorry if i still ended up hurting anyone in any way ..

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Dear Stuck, I hope you are doing well. Although I have never written on here and plan on doing so more, I'd like to thank you for all the work you've put into keeping this ship alive and supporting the girls both individually and together. You are one of the few people that stayed behind after everything that happened and for that I am grateful. In our eyes, Camren is just a love between two beautiful girls that are constantly being forced apart by forces greater than them. Their will to keep on fighting for that feeling that they first felt at 17 (yes, Used to this is THE Camren anthem to me) gives me so much hope for their future. As a young queer girl, they were the first couple that I encountered that I found a home in. Their love gave me courage to come out and say the things that I kept guarded in my heart for so long and for that I am forever grateful. Nonetheless, apart from expressing my deepest gratitudes to you and this incredible fandom, I'd like to say that I encountered something interesting the other day that I have never seen, in the 8 years that I have been in this fandom.

It's a radio interview from Ryan Seacrest, recorded around the time when 7/27 was released. The thing that intrigued me is that only Camila and Lauren are interviewed by him and although it is quite short, it made my heart soar when I saw it. Have you ever seen this? And I am very curious as to why only C and L were interviewed when the other girls (or what sounded like them) could be heard in the background. I am obviously aware that industry people knew of Camren, but it came as a bit of surprise that Ryan knew, as well. Here's the link to the interview: https://youtu.be/X_K8_lQafhM?feature=shared

As you can imagine, hearing them being interviewed on their own made me so emotional and gave me a tiny glimpse into their potential future as a free couple, a future that they deserve to have after everything they have been through. As a last question before I end this longer post than expected, do you think that they are still together?

I hope that you'll have an amazing day Stuck and to all my dear fellow Camren shippers, do not forget to keep the boat afloat! Sending much love to everyone.

Hey buddy! First of all, thank you for your kind words. I don't really feel like I deserve them because one: I'm not as active on CamrenLand anymore and two: I totally distanced myself from Lauren as a fan. I don't follow her anymore, but I still like Camren. I think that just like you, this fandom has filled my life a lot, especially because of the people I've met. Some are very good, others not so much. But they've been there and that's appreciated. I'm so happy for you, buddy. To know that the girls' love, as cute and chaotic as it has been, has helped you and other fans have the courage to come out of the closet. It's an achievement, not only for the girls, Lauren and Camila, but for yourself. That courage was always inside you, you just needed a little push and Camren gave it to you. It's amazing and really gratifying to know that they did help.

As for the interview, it's the first time I've listened to it and it's been great to do so. I didn't know her but I loved it. I didn't know how much I missed hearing the girls talk until now. They were always a good team in interviews. Whether it was making jokes or supporting each other when needed. The times Lauren defended Camila from the mockery of the interviewers I always found it very loving.

I don't know if the girls are still together, I hope they are. If they're not together, I've always wanted them to be happy with whoever they choose and now Camila... well, no. I'm not going to talk about this in your answer, buddy. Maybe later.

Thank you very much once again for your nice comments, and I hope you do well in life and with your loved ones ❤️ . Be safe, buddy.

[putschki1969]

2024/06/30 Blog post by Wakana 6月最後の日！〜皆さん、本日締め切りです‼︎＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Last Day of June!〜Everyone, Today is the Deadline!＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／〜

And just like that it's already the last day of June! I'm spending this day looking at photos of the gorgeous hydrangeas at Yokosuka Museum of Art ＼＼\٩( 'ω' )و //／／Amazing… they were in full bloom😳✨The days are getting longe and I really feel like it's summer😊

Hello, this is Wakana(0￣▽￣0)／

I always feel energised by nature🌳

Well! Before starting with the big Sarushima arc, I'd like to talk about some of my fangirl activities from a while back😊These pictures are from April when I went to see "Detective Conan: The Movie 1,000,000" by myself. Before heading to the movie theatre, I had a special Kaito Kid collaboration ice cream at Baskin Robbins!! It was called "Kaito Kid's Jewel Sundae"🍨I went on a weekday morning so I was the only one in the store. When the sundae was brought to my table, the first thing I thought was, "it's huge!!"😂I immediately opened the acrylic coaster that came with the order so I could take a commemorative photo with the sundae📸It really feels like I was doing my very best to support my favourite character. By the way, this acrylic coaster is the same one that made a special appearance during my online after-talk event. It matches perfectly with my own acrylic stand😭 Amazing😭✨ There's a moon just like Kid-sama's trademark moon in the background, and our outfits are matching too😭 It's an incredible miracle😭✨

There were two types of ice cream to choose from, one of which was my favourite "Chocolate Chip"🍫 (unfortunately, it is no longer available…) The other one was a special limited edition "Detective Conan Yogurt-Berry Ice Cream"😊I took so many pictures, the sound of my "snap📸snap📸" echoed throughout the quiet store.

But… really… this sundae was huge!! 🍨🍨😂🍨🍨When I saw the whipped cream on top, I was worried whether or not I would be able to finish all of it. And as expected, I was struggling😇 By the time I got to the chocolate chip ice cream, my stomach felt a little bloated 😇 (or rather, I was craving something salty to make up for all the sweetness) But of course I ate it all!! And I was freezing!! (It was a chilly day) When I got to the bottom, I realised for the first time that Kid-sama was printed on the other side of the cup.✨

After eating delicious ice-cream and getting really cold, I headed to the cinema!! Once I was seated, I peeled Kid-sama off the back of my phone to take a took a picture 😂But thinking about it, I should have taken out the acrylic stand I got earlier 😭 How stupid of me😭Following an exciting and happy time watching a great movie, I went to Sushizanmai on the way home and ate my favourite torotaku maki🥰🍣I love torotaku!! ︎I want to start and finish my meal with torotaku 😻 (and have something grilled in between) Even though I love it so much, my photo doesn't do it justice🥺 But it still looks delicious 🤤 (at least in my opinion)

So, everyone, today is the last day of June which means it's the submission deadline for the talk topic of my next "Wakana's Talk Garden" Vlog which will be posted on July 10th! … Don't forget to stay hydrated and protect yourself from the heat♪

Until next time~☆( '▽')/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

2024/07/04 Instagram post by Wakana

Yesterday, I went to Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse to see Day 1 of "Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024"!! The venue is so big. For the first day of the event, live performances were held by the event's producer, ISEKI, alongside Simon Isogai and Yohei Hamabata. 🤗 The distance between the stage and the audience was small so it was an exciting and heated live performance. 😳💓Summer has finally begun…!! 🎐🌻🏝️🌊🌞See you all here on Saturday the 13th. ☺️(Source)

Title: “AirTrip presents Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024” Date and time:July 13, 2024 Open 18:30 / Start 19:00 Venue: Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse Performers: RYTHEM・Wakana Official site: http://omatsuridays.jp/

[livingformintyoongi]

Massi, my gorgeous Lovely! First of all, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! (I swear I can’t remember if I already said that, but who cares—you deserve it on repeat.) Sooo, I was just lurking around, being my usual stalker self, and I saw the preview of Guilty as Sin, and OH MY GOD, I am hooked. Like… he cheated and then she cheated?? That’s the kind of chaotic drama I live for. I’m so invested already—when are you posting?? I need answers and probably snacks for all the emotions I’m about to feel.

Also, I hope you’re staying cozy, warm, and super hydrated. Seriously, take care of yourself, okay? You’re way too amazing for anything less.

First of all, thanks for sending me that gif, it's literally one of my favorites (Tae gets me in general, but that presentation *cheff kiss* 🙂‍↕️).

Second: Hello again!!! Happy Holidays to you too, hope you had an amazing Christmas and that preparations for the new year are going well!

Regarding Guilty As Sin... it's a fic I've been thinking about for like a little less than a year now (? I'm really not too sure, but yes I've been wanting to write it for months because I loved the idea 🫡 still don't know when I'll publish it because I'm still deciding whether to make it a series or a single one shot (I'm indecisive 😔) buuuut, since I love you so much, I'll give you another look at what I've been writing!

----

You took a deep breath, looking at yourself one last time in your car’s mirror. It wasn’t the kind of outfit you’d usually wear for... well, for any situation in general. Dresses that were too revealing weren’t your thing. You preferred something simple and comfortable, something that made you feel at ease with yourself—something that definitely didn’t feel like one of your breasts might slip out of the overly plunging neckline of this dress. But you were running out of options; you didn’t know what else to do to save your relationship.

Ever since you talked about that topic with Taehyung, Jungkook, and Soyeon, you hadn’t been able to get the idea out of your head. Could all your problems really be solved if your sex life became more active? You didn’t have much experience overall. Hyunjin had been your first, and you were still quite young when you met him. You’d only had a few boyfriends before him, with whom you’d only kissed, nothing more.

You remembered having had this conversation with him in the past, and it had ended with him smiling at you and saying that it really didn’t matter to him, that he’d wait for you to be ready. Sure, that’s what you did—you waited a few months, and then, when things started getting serious, you asked him if you could try it. After that, neither of you seemed to want to repeat it as much as your friends claimed it was supposed to happen.

At least until now. You were determined to save your relationship, to completely forget all your dreams about Taehyung and focus on your boyfriend, just as you were supposed to. You softly patted your cheeks, a small attempt to encourage yourself somehow. You stepped out of the car, carefully ensuring that the dress didn’t ride up—or down—too much, risking exposing yourself.

You looked at the tall building in front of you, the one you had lived in with Hyunjin for the past three years. It reminded you of the exorbitant amount of money he had. You swallowed hard, clutching your clutch tightly as you walked to the elevator.

The ride to your floor was silent, filled with a layer of anxiety and anticipation that kept you from thinking clearly. Your heart pounded against your chest, and emotions began to course through every inch of your body with each step closer to your apartment. It had been almost a month and a half since the last time you were together, and you had never worn anything like this before. Would he like it? Would he feel attracted to you? Could this really fix the situation as Soyeon had suggested?

You pushed those questions aside once you opened the front door, biting your bottom lip at the restlessness taking over you. The entryway light turned on automatically, illuminating the hallway leading into the apartment. It was at that exact moment, as the light switched on, that your heart stopped.

On the floor were a pair of sleek black heels, scattered next to your boyfriend’s branded shoes. Soon, a knot formed in your stomach, and nausea didn’t take long to follow. Your legs seemed to refuse to move, keeping you frozen in place, your eyes fixed on those shoes. Heart still racing, you took your first step. You didn’t take off your own heels; you didn’t have the courage—not until you knew why there were women’s shoes at your entrance. Shoes that weren’t yours.

The apartment lights were all off, and because of the anxiety you felt, you didn’t dare turn any on as you made your way to your bedroom, wishing, hoping, that your intuition was wrong. Maybe it was just an old friend, and they were chatting or doing anything that didn’t involve throwing four years of your relationship away.

That wish was brutally shattered the moment a playful laugh, followed by a series of moans, made you stop in your tracks. You recognized that voice. Damn, you recognized it.

A thin line of light reflected on the hallway wall. You knew it came from your bedroom, so you didn’t take long to reach it, almost as if you were on autopilot.

You tried to imagine a thousand different scenarios in your head, all trying to find an explanation that wasn’t the one you were thinking. You took the last few steps, feeling the pressure in your chest grow heavier with each one, until you stood in front of the door.

Until you approached the small gap that caused that thin line of light.

Only then did your heart shatter completely. You weren’t sure if it was because your boyfriend was screwing one of the many models you’d seen at work—one he had sworn he’d never look at because she was “too vulgar” for someone like him—or because they seemed to be having so much fun, laughing and kissing as if they loved each other, as if they weren’t in your home, rolling around on your sheets, with your boyfriend.

A part of you wanted to run away, to break down crying right there, to kick down that stupid door and drag that woman out by her perfect hair, throw her and your boyfriend out of your home. You wanted to make him pay, wanted him to beg for forgiveness, to give you some sort of explanation. Was she the one who seduced him? Was he drunk? Did he have a twin brother you didn’t know about, and it was him you were seeing now?

You tried to find excuses to soften the blow. But there was no way to justify this, and you knew it. Hyunjin was screwing one of his coworkers in your bed, without the slightest hint of regret.

If you had thought this could be fixed just moments ago, you were completely wrong. There was no turning back now. Your relationship was destroyed, and nothing could fix it—not the uncomfortable dress, not the painful shoes, not a week of intense sex with him. Nothing would work.

With that final thought, you retraced your steps, feeling silent tears stream down your face, dripping onto your chin and falling to the floor, forming tiny puddles of water. That’s how you felt now—tiny.

You let your feet guide you back to your car. The nerves you had felt on the way to your apartment were gone. Now, there was only... emptiness, a void where there was nothing, where you couldn’t feel anything, as if your heart was numb.

You closed your eyes, letting the tears fall freely, but you didn’t last long like that. The memories of that girl moaning your boyfriend’s name, the way he kissed her desperately... he had never treated you like that, never smiled at you when you were together.

Maybe that had been the first sign you chose not to notice.

[illfoandillfie]

Im so sorry about the last ask i did, didnt mean to sound mean or that i demand you to write. Im hoping everything will go fine for you soon🙏🙏

Firstly, apologies if my response before was kinda harsh, I'd had to deal with some very annoying students that afternoon and was kinda at the end of my tether.

Thank you for apologising and clarifying the tone of the ask. I'm about to go on a little rant, please know that whilst your ask has precipitated this response, you are by no means the only person i'm talking to.

I love when you guys talk to me, and honestly i do kinda miss when this fandom was super active and everyone was always sending asks and stuff, it was heaps of fun. And I definitely love getting messages about how much you enjoy something i've written, it makes me very happy to know you like what I do or that you're looking forward to reading what i'm working on!

But I also think that sometimes it is easy to forget that we are not friends. I don't know you, I don't know what your sense of humour is like or the intention behind an ask. Even if we talked every day, the second you turn on anon, you are a random person that i have never interacted with. You wouldn't walk up to a stranger on the street and jokingly tell them to fuck off because they had a cat on their shirt and not a dog. That would be rude. If your fave author or artist was hanging out at a cafe you wouldnt approach them and badger them about how long their next project is taking. Again, that would be rude.

So why do you feel comfortable doing it to a stranger on the internet? Why is it suddenly okay to send messages that are demanding or mean or even at worst abusive to someone else online? Why does it become cute and quirky and just being silly when the message is going to another blog or instagram comments or whatever the case may be.

This is a conversation that I've seen a number of blogs with larger follower counts/blogs that post original fandom content having recently. It's also something that more and more celebrities and professional creators are acknowledging. And I think it's worth talking about here too. The people who create things are still people with full on lives that don't revolve around silly internet hobbies.

If I get a message calling me a bitch for writing an angsty fic then I have to decide if the ask was sent in good faith (ie joking on the internet) or not (just being an asshole). And if you're anon or someone I do not recognise from notes on my posts, I'm much more likely to assume the second. However, if you spend a bit longer crafting a message that tells me you enjoyed the fic even tho it made you sad, then i know you're not a dick! All it takes is thinking about what you're sending someone for more than 2 seconds! Write it, read it as if you have no context, and ask yourself if you sound like a dick. And if you do, rethink it.

Anyway, rant over. Thankfully I don't have this problem very often (party because i am not very consistent in my posting lmao) but this is worth keeping mind with every online interaction you have.

[abovetherainandroses]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Storm here! 🌩 Tysm for the tag @27-royal-teas! <3 I haven't done a tumblr meme thing in forever! And I don't really have any friends on this blog so I don't have anyone to tag, but if you're a writer who follows me, consider yourself tagged! (And also come be my friend)

This got long! I talk too much! Answers are below the cut!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So I have two accounts lol, because for some reason I decided to make a separate RPF account even though I have other embarrassing things on main account anyway?? Anyway, I currently have 100 fics on my main and 5 on my RPF account.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Across both accounts, 379,693 words for an average of 3.6k per fic. Longfic? I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I usually write for one fandom at a time, but I will revisit/cycle through fandoms. Currently it's Fall Out Boy. Previously, I was writing some MCU stuff (mostly Spider-Man). Also wrote a handful of Good Omens stuff back when S1 came out. I have the most fics posted for Haikyuu (volleyball manga/anime) lol.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oops I only have 5 fics so far on my RPF account and I'm still debating whether I want this account directly linked to my main.

But I will take this opportunity to tell anyone who needs it not to put too much stock into kudos!! Kudos count relies on a lot of factors, but a big two are fandom/ship size and when you post the fic relative to the height of the fandom's activity. (Getting in early with a fic right after a new movie/season/etc. comes out so you're one of the first fics for the New Thing can be huge too.)

External validation is obviously very nice but if you rely too much on it, you're not gonna have a good time.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Comments make my entire life and I always want to respond to them, but I inevitably fall off because the brain energy isn't there, and I keep putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off, and then it feels too late. But seeing as I only have 5 fics on my RPF account, I recently went and responded to everything, even if it was years late. In the past few weeks I've actually gotten responses to some comments I left on fics like 3 years ago so it inspired me, haha.

I myself am not always good at leaving comments (continuous goal to get better at it), so I really appreciate the people who take the time to leave kind comments for me and I want to express that appreciation.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write angsty fic... I'm too softhearted. That said, I have made a few forays into angst, but Your Mileage May Vary on which one is the angstiest. Is it the major character death? Is it the one where they're soulmates with the last words they'll say to each other written on their skin, and in the end it's not death that separates them, but their own inability to have a functional relationship with each other?

Or is it the one I didn't even think was super angsty and tagged "bittersweet ending" but then it made a bunch of people cry? I'm still like "...my bad" about that one lmao.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fluff is my lifeblood and almost all of my fics have a happy ending. I couldn't tell you which was the happiest, haha. Again, I'm incredibly softhearted, and also a big sap. I cannot deny this!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thinking very hard... I have been posting fic for............. several years so it is possible I am forgetting something but nothing comes to mind! I have always felt too relatively unknown for haters, which is just fine by me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

"What kind" lol. What does that even mean. Listen, my kink is holding hands during sex and being ❤️ in love ❤️ (I mentioned I'm a softhearted sap, right??)

Sometimes I might explore some light kink but nothing too hardcore imo.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Again, I've been writing/posting fic for several years, so I could be forgetting something, but I don't remember ever writing a true crossover. Though in my personal definition of fandom terms, crossover = characters from fandom A meet characters from fandom B. I have written a few fusion AUs in my time (characters from fandom A existing in the world of fandom B), which you could say falls under the crossover umbrella. For example, I've written Kingdom Hearts characters in a Pacific Rim AU and Haikyuu characters in Dragon Age AU.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Though I did once see (this was a SUPER long time ago) someone repost my fic on tumblr the same day I posted it on FFN, even though I also posted the full text of the fic on tumblr myself. They credited my FFN account, at least, but like. Hey. Don't do that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I've had some fics translated into various languages! It's definitely an honor that people want to share some of my stuff in other languages and take the time to do that translation work. I try to ask people keep translations on AO3 but it hasn't always succeeded so there are some translations of my works floating around on foreign language fic sites... Ah well.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I successfully co-wrote one (1) fic with one of my friends years ago. I've tried a few other times to co-write fics (including with the same person) but none of them ever finished... Co-writing fic is hard! Idk how to do it effectively. I've done a handful of fic/art collabs with my wife though!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don't know that I have a single all-time favorite ship, but Peterick is definitely the current fave. I........ adore them. So much.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Listen, I am a hoarder of WIPs and a clinger to delusions that they will one day be finished. But okay, one of my peterick WIPs from 2016-2017 that I really liked but highly doubt I'll ever finish is a no-band, dating show AU where Pete is the eligible bachelor on a queer offshoot of the Bachelor/Bachelorette and Patrick (through machinations by Joe) ends up as a contestant on the show. Patrick is camera shy and does not want to be there, but he made a deal with Joe to stay til he was eliminated. Pete, who just went through a public and messy divorce with Ashlee, does not want to be there, but he was guilt-tripped into using his moderate fame to help bring viewership to the underfunded little queer show.

Pete finds out Patrick never wanted to be there in the first place and offers to eliminate Patrick. I will copy/paste the next bit from my gdoc:

"[...] pete’s like what if…i didn’t eliminate you and we just stayed friends and hung out and stuff and patrick finds himself agreeing bc pete’s a really nice dude and they have a lot of interests in common

But then Patrick keeps sticking around through the weeks and Patrick and Pete fall in love and both end up having separate private crises because they agreed to be friends. Patrick sees Pete spending time with other candidates and clearly being attracted to them and it sucks because now Patrick is in love with Pete and Pete isn’t considering him at all. Meanwhile Pete is having a good time with the other candidates and sure there’s lust there and even some like but he can’t stop thinking about how perfect Patrick is for him except for oh wait Patrick doesn’t even want to BE here and Pete was the one who convinced him to stay and now he’s fucking in love with him."

Blah blah blah, stuff happens, Pete eliminates Patrick in the last few weeks then when he has to make the choice between the final two candidates, calls Patrick and confesses to him instead, blah blah blah, happy ending.

Anyway. I wrote 11k of that fic and I was about 1/3 of the way through. It will never be finished. But now I've told you all about it and that's good enough, right?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Internal narration and emotions. Tightly focused fics that span 1-3 scenes. Spelling and grammar.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Longfic or fic with several scenes that take place over an extended stretch of time. Related to that, coming up with external plot events rather than just internal conflict HAHA. Describing the setting/environment so the characters don't just exist in a nebulous empty space.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As with most of my preferences re: fic, it depends on the execution. It can feel clunky and maybe even cringey, or it can feel natural and realistic. Just be intentional about how you're using it. Also, it always helps if you know a fluent speaker who can review it for you but understandably you may not always have someone like that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Warrior... cats...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is impossible to answer hahahaha. Certainly if we look at my main AO3. But if we're looking at my grand total of 5 (as of yet) RPF fics, I can say that I'm still quite fond of get us right (quitters never win), a fob AU fic where everything is the same but they all have minor superpowers, featuring empath!Patrick and telepath!Pete.

Aaaaand we are done! If you got this far, I am giving you cookies.

[just-orbiting-you]

i’ll never forget publicity from that movie premiere where jungkook and taehyung are on a red carpet together. when jungkook goes live after coming home that night, he doesn’t EVEN MENTION that he was out with tae. crazy. i can’t help but feel he’s intentional.

Just reading through one of your last posts and this part really stuck out to me. I became a huge fan of BTS maybe a year and half ago, and as someone new to the fanbase, I unfortunately became a huge tkkr (in my defense their edited content was literally everywhere, with little to no pushback, and so it never crossed my mind as a newer fan to question it). But it was that live that I began to question things. I remember jungkook being somewhat down, and a little upset. It seemed like he was alluding to a situation while he was out with Tae, but didn't really elaborate, and I just thought it was weird that no one was mentioning it. It totally contradicted the message that fans were saying about Tae & JK just having this happy "finally free and real" red carpet moment in front of cameras, but I was like what do I know, I'm new here, so I brushed it off. Then Tae came live a few hours later and was talking about getting drunk and passing out and that Jungkook didn't, and so that kind of told me that Jungkook left Tae while he was drinking with his friends and went home to immediately start a live and talk to fans and cook. So it kind of dawned on me that something wasn't right with this whole tkk thing. And then the whole Jennie and Paris thing happened and I saw firsthand how fans were bending over backwards trying to come up with theories why that wasn't Tae with her, and I was like, yeah these people are not living in reality. Not to mention that Jungkook went live after, and genuinely seemed to happy and excited lol. That's when I started looking at things differently, and I started noticing other things that I probably would've dismissed before. Like how Tae would do this weird thing where he would go live just to mention Jungkook and then end it. But Jungkook when he wasnt pushing back on things Tae said, would actively avoid bringing up Tae, but with Jimin he would bring him and only him up randomly or spend hours watching his content, or comment on his lives and when he didn't he would make mention of things that happened in Jimin's live, meaning he made sure to watch them, it was just completely different energy. That live that Tae and Jimin did outside of Jungkook's house while he was live pretty much summed up their differences to me. Tae went live happy for the attention, and Jimin was more concerned about pulling attention away from Jungkook and wanting Tae to end the live because it wasn't right. And that to me said more to me.

thank you so much for sharing!! i appreciate you writing down how you felt, because it is kinda surreal hearing view being voiced by one group of people so loud and so believable, but realizing that they might have a skewed perspective.

That live that Tae and Jimin did outside of Jungkook's house while he was live pretty much summed up their differences to me. Tae went live happy for the attention, and Jimin was more concerned about pulling attention away from Jungkook and wanting Tae to end the live because it wasn't right.

i remember jimin saying in the live, like "leave the kid alone" "turn it off" and i think jimin just has an awareness and a foresight for certain things. why turn on a live right outside jungkook's house, when you can see the apartment in the shot. it wasn't right to do that to jungkook.

i just saw a clip from the live (forgive me i lost it on twitter) before they left for the military where jungkook says "after this live i have no more schedules" and tae and namjoon were like "set up a shoot! shoot something else!" and jimin said "no no you should rest and take care of yourself."

jimin just shows time and time again how much he cares about jungkook, in the way he supports jungkook's solo career, in the way he praises him and his talents, in the way they clearly have become such comforts and supports for each other.

i have never really felt that same bond with t@ekook, and the way you summed up last year in lives and interactions, i feel like the dichotomy is showcased well through their public interactions.

thanks again for sharing!

[rin-and-jade]

This post won't be discussing how to build the innerworld or anything, but to cover the topic of how well we see IN that world, or space, i haven't seen anybody talking about this so i might as well share everything i got for now. (this is sort of long so bare with me)

Im starting off by explaining what is mental clarity, it is that one word that stuck with me first when it comes to discussing or learning this, although mental clarity generally means how sharp and alert you are, but its more than that, it also relates to how well you decide, or think, or keep focused/concentrated and how well you can retain something without forgetting depending on how good or bad your clarity is.

Now it does make more sense does it? It should be, because that clarity is also one factor of how well you can envision the world inside your head, when were calm and sharp and feeling fully awake that is where our peak ability, capable to get inside and see anything without any problems, and of course like anything else, everything isn't linear, for those systems who are currently having an active stressor, getting triggered, not well rested and sometimes a bad emotional/mental state might curve down your ability to see clear, to a little bit fuzzy, and to not being able to see anything at all, it varies for everyone in a spectrum. This is something brain fog can do to you, i bet you knew that word well already.

While yes, it fluctuates due to external factors, im also telling that even if you're fine and you're all good, no stress no nothing, that clarity will still fluctuate around the day not without an unapparent reason but things like hormone regulation, daytime sleepiness and alert cycle (something like that) but atleast alot more stable and less troubling to deal, so i doubt you should worry whenever you can't see as well as how you could like say, two hours ago, ok?

Last but not least, i want to include that your mental clarity affects how well you can listen and communicate with your other parts, too. Plus that blurry or meshed feeling you feel where you can't differentiate who is who, or who is talking, or what you're all doing is also due to poor clarity so don't panic, find some ways to ground yourself because this mostly happens when theres chronic stress or dissociated from trauma triggers or something that is enough to overwhelm you, so get some techniques and plans up your sleeves whenever it happens to avoid further problematic outcomes.

I did not include any other factors such as poor communication between parts, or conditions that directly affect clarity or visualizing, or effects from medications/drugs in this post because it might need its own, happy learning fellow tumblr systems, hope what i had wrote is educating for better living. (you made it to the bottom, yay)

- j

[windvexer]

Hi,

One thing I think I'd like to have is a large following on Tumblr. However, I also think I am absolutely not cut for the attention it would result.

I don't know if it's a good thing to ask you since I don't know whether you can relate to it, but it's something I truly struggle with. For example, having pangs of jealousy when I see someone posting something I wanted to post myself but eventually don't share... And i don't know how to handle it, since all this is supposed to be enjoyable.

I don't know. Any two cents you may give me would be extremely appreciated!

Hey, bud! I don't think I count as having a big following now, although I used to on original windvexer (I deleted it a few years ago and remade it last year).

Some parts of it suck. The other day a guy replied to one of my posts like, "wow, you ever see someone so delusional that it makes you feel really good about yourself?" (almost immediately took it as a win; I'm someone good at making people feel better about themselves, can't help what form it takes).

Or that absolute pot of unsalted beans that said bless your heart to me. To ME. The audacity. (still not over it)

But you're right. It IS supposed to be enjoyable. None of us should be here unless at the end of the day we can say, "this activity (of being on tumblr) was an improvement on my day."

So, regarding the "ope, someone else posted it first" thing:

I'm not sure that matters. The nature of community is that we are influenced by each other by virtue of being near each other. It is normal, especially in witchblr, for someone to pop up and say, "Hey! such-and-such user made a post last week and I've been having a lot of thoughts about it, this inspired me to also talk about my own commentary."

Or, perhaps more commonly, "Hey! I'm trying so hard not to take over that other post - you all know the one I mean - so I'm making my own to share parallel thoughts w/o talking over other people."

If anything, seeing other people talk about the same thing feels validating to me that my thoughts aren't irrelevant. It makes me happy to see others talking about similar things because it makes me feel less alone! And I like that. And then I post my ideas about it.

It helps a lot to have a community of friends in private spaces to vent to about the bullshit, and to all support each other.

It helps a lot to be ready to examine your social interactions and have a game plan for dealing with trolls.

But, if it makes you feel better, compared to 2015 tumblr things are a lot nicer.

I think if sharing is important to you, then share for the joy of sharing. Personally I think it's kind of hard to get a lot of attention on witchblr unless you post a lot of a specific kind of content, and a lot of the organic stuff people want to share about their interests don't end up dredging up a lot of attention anyway. With respect to the brand-builders out there, you may find that just posting things you like doesn't end up risking all that much popularity.

Oh, and don't forget to take breaks.

[drivelikeaminister]

Commitment

It is said that a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step.  It is also said that the first step is often the hardest.  Both sayings are about walking or running - but generalizable to other areas of life:  Do you want to earn a PhD?  Start with the application process.  Looking to get married?  Begin by dating.  Get a job?  Update your resume.  Be in recovery from addiction?  Reach out for help... These are the first steps, not as huge as the final accomplishment, but still daunting on their own.

As a long distance runner I know the truth that every long distance begins with that first, hard, step.  There have been days when I am so committed that despite freezing rain, forgetting my running clothes, being on vacation and feeling tired didn’t stop me.  I’ve gone to a thrift store to buy pants, I’ve run in heavy work gloves, I’ve used butter (non-dairy) to make sure chaffing was not an issue, I’ve come home with icicles hanging on my eyelashes...

And, there have been days when one cloud in the sky was all that stopped me getting outside.  The weather is warm but not too hot, I am well rested, I have my chaff-free attire and lots of free time... but still one small item holds me back: that one cloud in the sky, the dishes I could start washing, the blog post I could compose instead...

Whether I overcome large adversity in that first step or am daunted by a small obstacle, it’s around the same activity - running.  Which means the only part which was different was my outlook, something internal.  What was it which made one day daunting and another achievable?  I’m guessing some combination of mental fatigue and/or emotional state of mind.  One thing I do know is that with practice it gets easier.  I am less daunted by small (or large) obstacles.  Practicing that “first, hard step” makes it just a bit easier the next time.

This translates to life outside of running.  I’m currently in a three-year (at minimum) credentialing process.  It took me a lot of energy to make the first step of reaching out and entering the undertaking.  After years of “sort of” searching I am currently looking forward to my second year of meaningful employment (at this great congregation).  Taking a first step with one long and daunting task can make other hard first steps more approachable.

What’s the takeaway?  The takeaway is to try out those first steps and different approaches which make them less hard.  Here are some ideas for any difficult, first step when starting a long process: - get a friend to join you (”Want to go to the gym with me?”) - if not join, ask someone to help keep you accountable (“I’m writing a book, can you check on me next week?”) - reward yourself (”If I send in 5 job applications I’ll watch a TV show.  10 and I earn a movie.”) - think about what has helped you in the past (”My last homework I wrote at a coffee shop, I”ll try that again.”) - take a break and come back later (”I’m spent.  I’m going out with friends and will get to this tomorrow.”)

When have you been daunted by that first step on a long road? What has helped you take a first, difficult step?

[freest-speech-whistlercrest]

I was one of the OG whistlercrest free speech blog owners, fun fact! And also a previous mod! Granted this was back in 2019 I feel like most of the group forgot who I am now. Or if they didn't forget they have a memory of me of when I was 19 and stupid. I don't actually know anything about what the group has been up to in the past 2 or 3 years but it does suck to hear it still warrants vent blogs popping up, I suppose that's gonna happen no matter what though, the curse of existing in a public space is that you WILL be criticized

Idk where I was going with that I'm just making conversation LOL I won't be providing any actual vent I don't think but now I am curious about the whistlercrest vent blog scene, and if there's any still recently active that I can get some cliffnotes of whas been going on recently since I guess a new plot or event started or something I'm always curious about what the people unafraid to go against the norm of "everything about this is perfect" mindset have to say

condensed both asks into one if that is okay

i will admit i have been out of the group for a while, but last i heard they finally released that third species and they've been relatively quiet since? saw one of the mods comment on a grimsby post complaining about their own criticism though, that made me laugh a bit

can't reveal too much about my experience with wc without outing myself, but yeah this is not only an outlet for you guys to vent but a way for me to receive news ;D

i can say what i remember abt one of the previous blogs - they were a lot more 'free' in terms of speech, which lead to a lot of death threats directed at a trio of former members, yourself included i believe. some people in that group are NASTY and it astounds me that they're allowed to stay honestly