#that last post about actively feeling yourself forget something made me think of it

[bbeelzemon]

sometime this past year i had the experience of uh experiencing [something trivial i dont even remember at this point], and then felt in real time as my brain changed the memory right in front of me. like i Knew that my memory was now incorrect, but i couldnt remember what Actually happened. and i think that moment is the first time i ever truly started to realize that my memory in particular is not infallible and that brains change your memory of things and events all the time, especially over several years

[mimasroom2]

Hot tub time ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

Ellie x reader modern au/slice of life

I have a hot tub but we need to get it fixed. I’m literally so eager so I wrote this LMAO. I LOVE SLICE OF LIFE ELLIE X READER SM!! Expect a bunch more, I have so many ideas written down😚 Im so sappy grrrr,,, I already wrote kinky ass sex so here’s soft sex for u guys😋

C/w: smut lol. Ellie + reader have their own house YAHOO! A bit of fluff in this one >•<. Au but Joel is still dead 😞. He’s mentioned like once. Cunnilingus😝 (r! Receiving) I feel so awkward using y/n like seriously and unironically ahhhh.

W/c: 2.4k

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

“I’m actually so fucking bored I’m gonna gouge my eyes out.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. Ellie is always so damn dramatic. You glance over and she’s pretending to pull her hair out, large fistfuls in each hand.

You playfully shove her, “Okay, shut up Ellie.” And you both laugh. It was winter, and she was right… sadly. There was nothing to do during this time of year. Well, besides stay in and cuddle. The only problem was.. you’ve already done that. You two were both off work for the holidays, and you’ve already spent the wholeeeee vacation laying in bed together, so you guessed that Ellie wanted to do something a little more active.

“Wanna play Mario kart? I think the switch is in the bedroom.” You try suggesting, absentmindedly rubbing her leg.

“Nah,” she stretches her arms out on the couch, “Somethin’ more like physical yknow. Gotta keep these pretty muscles toned.” She winks at you, and you roll your eyes.

“You’re actually such a gym rat, you should just live there at this point.” You smirk to yourself, examining your nails.

“Maybe if I did I wouldn’t constantly trip on all the shit you leave around here.” Ellie remarks back, lightly kicking you on the knee.

“Hey, I keep it pretty clean considering we both share a room, thank you very much.” You cross your arms and huff.

Ellie gasps and starts kicking you more, so you yelp and start shoving her away. Suddenly she stops, holding out both her hands. “Holy fuck, babe. Yknow what I forgot about?”

“Huh.”

“Hot tub.”

You sit up at lighting speed, “OH DAMN YOURE RIGHT!” You actually can’t believe you forgot about that thing. You try to remember the last time you even used it.. must have been last summer. The hot tub was one of things that you’re OBSESSED with at first, but then you use it one too many times and you forget about it for a couple months. And then the cycle continues.

Ellie leaps off the couch and bolts down the hall. “GET YOUR SWIMSUIT ON WE ARE GOING IN!!”

~

You come outside and see Ellie lifting up the top of the hot tub. The whole things underneath a roof outside, so there’s not much snow in the porch where you two are standing, but it’s still really cold. You look up at the sky. The sun is starting to set, it’s been a little over an hour since you two had dinner. Delicious deer soup that Ellie made from when she went hunting a couple days ago. You always said that if Ellie was stuck in a post apocalyptic world, she would survive.

You suddenly remember the cold air hitting you, breaking you out of your thoughts of your girlfriend. You shiver, and pull the robe you’re wearing tighter around your body. You glance over at Ellie still messing with the top of the hot tub. All Ellie’s wearing is her classic swimsuit: plain black top and swim shorts. Her tattoo flexes as she finally pops the top off and turns the hot tub on.

You jump up and down in your slippers, trying to move to stay warm. “Ellieeee how much longer?”

She reaches down into the water and starts poking around at the buttons and jets. “Hold your horses, y/n, I gotta check all the filters n shit. Haven’t used this in a hot minute.”

“Mmmm I know but it’s cold.” You groan in protest. You know damn well you’re being a brat, but you swear you’re not built for any weather too hot or too cold.

“Well you wanna shut up and help me? Make it go by faster..” She looks up at you and you shake your head vigorously. “Yeah thas’ what I thought.” She smirks at you.

After what felt like foreverrrrr in the cold, Ellie turns the jets on and says you can hop in. There’s steam coming off the water as it hits the cold air. You can barley wait, you’re hyping the hot tub up in your mind. It’s something that feels like a luxury to you. The only thing that can make you stop thinking about your precious hot tub is your precious Ellie. You look up at her and get butterflies, even though you two have been dating for about 2 years now. She looks soooo beautiful, just standing there, folding up the tarp from the tub. You shake your head, thinking it’s so damn stupid to be drooling over your girlfriend who’s literally just standing there, doing the most mundane possible thing.

Some snow falls on top of your head so you brush it off. It’s getting too cold for you. You lick your lips, turning around to shed your rob, you’re still slightly shy undressing in front of Ellie, even though you’re still in a swimsuit. You hang your cute pink robe up on the hook where the towels you brought out are.

Turning back around to head into the tub, you see Ellie with her back towards you, messing around with the water guns from last summer. You check her out unapologetically, looking at her ass before you snap into reality again and take your slippers off to step into the hot tub. The hot water feels like it burns your skin, compared to the cold winter air. You take a couple minutes slowly sliding more of your body deeper into the water.

Ellie turns around, with one water gun still in her hand. “Feel alright, babe? Not too hot?”

You sink in deeper, up to your neck, “Mm feels good.” And then rise up again slowly, “Come in, Els. I’m gettin’ bored in here.”

“Oh yeah?” She closes one eye and lifts up the gun, suddenly shooting a short stream of cold ass water at you. “Not so bored now, huh?” She laughs and walks closer to you.

Your jaw drops and you scream when the water hits you, “ELLIEEEEE WHAT THE FUCKKKK!”

“What?” She fakes a pout, lowering the water gun. “I told you I gotta keep these muscles in good shape, right?”

Before you can retort, she’s already getting in the hot tub. “God, shove over. I’m freezing.” She accidentally splashes you as she’s hastily getting in.

“Ellieeeee! Don’t splash me! >~<“ you whine, but she just laughs, and this time splashes you on purpose. You sigh dramatically at all her antics.

She doesn’t reply, and just sinks in deeper, and you take no shame in watching her stretch her body out. Ellie groans slightly at the hot water enveloping her body. You sigh and blink at her, watching her eyebrows furrow. She slowly leans her head back against the headrest of the hot tub. You swear she’s egging you on, because she moans softly, giving you the perfect view of her neck, which she knows is your favorite place to kiss her. Suddenly, Ellie opens her eyes and says something that breaks you out of the trance you’ve had all day, “You keep lookin’ at me. What’s goin’ on?”

You let yourself float away from her in the water ever so slightly, “Nothing. I’m not looking at you.”

“Yknow I can like,,, feel your eyes burning into my back whenever you stare at me.”

You cover your face with your hands and

face away from her. She laughs to herself. She finds it so cute you still get flustered around her even after all this time you’ve been together.

“That’s too bad because I’m reallyyyy not looking at you.”

Instead of a snarky remark back, Ellie’s abnormally silent. You slowly bring your hands down to face her again, and she’s just looking at you with this look in her eyes. You think it’s somewhere in between concern and contemplation. “You trust me, right?” She says softly, after a few moments. You’re surprised, this is probably the quietest Ellie’s ever been with you.

“Of course I do. What’s wrong, Ellie?” Her tone is completely different than what you’re used to. This only happens on the rare occasion you guys have a disagreement. Or when you talk about something serious.

“Jus’ don’t want you thinking I’m gonna leave you.” She says, almost ashamed. She’s fidgeting with her fingers like how she always does, and avoiding your gaze.

You laugh softly. “Were you….. going to?” You can feel your heart rate speeding up.

Ellie’s eyes widen, “No. no no no.” She sighs, slowly, taking a few moments to collect her thoughts. “I get scared thinking about the future.” She mutters.

You look up at her. You knew Ellie gets scared. Of course she does. When she told you about Joel dying on what, your second date, you knew she’s not as… sturdy.. as she pretends to be sometimes. But that was in the past, and to hear Ellie admit she is worried about her own life ahead of her.. honestly made you surprised.

“Like.. I just want you to know that I’m always gonna be here for you.” She looks so concerned, like she might cry if you guys talk about this for any longer. She’s still looking down, trying to make herself smaller.

“Oh, Ellie.” You raise your hand up and softly tilt her chin to look at you. “I know. Okay? And nothing bad is gonna happen to you. Or me. Or us.”

She looks into your eyes for a second, before she gently tucks your hair behind your ear, leans in, and kisses you.

The kiss is as soft as she’s been talking - all emotion and thought as her lips move slowly against yours. She puts her hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. You sigh into the kiss. She was so tender with you right now. You were so used to fervent and desperate make out sessions with her. Not that that was bad, at all, but you didn’t realize how nice of a change this was until it was happening. You grab her waist, pulling her in closer to you. All of her is so soft and warm against you: her lips, tattooed arm, thighs.. and not just because you two were in the hot tub.

She pulls away to look at you, and you want to melt from the look on her face. She looks like she’s actually in heaven.

“I really love you.”

You smile softly at her, tracing over her tattoo lightly with your finger. “I love you too.” You pull her back into a kiss. After a couple more minutes, she’s more intent with her movements, like how she usually is. She’s not afraid to run her hands over your thighs and squeeze you nipple under your swimsuit.

You gasp at the sudden contact, and moan a little into her mouth.

She pulls away, “Cmon, baby. Need more of that.” and kisses you again, almost immediately licking your bottom lip, asking for entrance. She’s not as soft anymore, back to her usual self wanting to make you moan in pleasure as she works your body. You don’t even try fighting for dominance, just letting her tongue dance around yours as she pleases.

“Ellie…” is all you have to say, and she understands, shifting her position to let you have more of her. You want to press yourself down onto her, and please you both at the same time. You lift your legs up, trying to hook them around her, but you start floating away in the water. You’re not even going fast, it’s so comical how slow the jets are pushing you. You snort and reach out to grab Ellie’s hand.

“Ohmygod!” Ellie starts laughing and she grabs your hand, “Can’t exactly scissor in the water, I guess.” You blush and scoff at how forward she can be.

“Cmere. Let’s get ya propped up.”

You untie the knots on you bikini bottoms to take them off, tossing them somewhere you’ll pick up later. She grabs your hand and gently guides you to sit on the edge of the hot tub, on one of the corners so you don’t lean back and fall off. She brings your arm down to her face, and kisses you on the back of the hand. You smile and giggle. You swear you feel like a little girl again. You’re a princess and Ellie is your prince. You glance up at the sky - the sun is setting. An array of orange and pinks.

Ellie’s below you, turning down the jets of the tub a little, and getting into her favorite position: right between your thighs. You really couldn’t ask for a more perfect fantasy if you tried.

“This okay?” She asks, lightly rubbing your thigh with her thumb.

“Yes,” you breathe out, “please, Ellie.”

From where she is, you’re practically a goddess towering above her. You feel powerful and confident, and fucking desperate, wanting Ellie to just devour you already.

Ellie only hums in response before kissing your clit. You gasp sharply, you swear no matter how many times she eats you out you could never get used to the heavenly feeling. Her tongue starts lapping you up, and you moan loudly. You silently thank the neighbors for never being outside late during the winter, and that the hot tub is reasonably private, so no one can see you.

Maybe it’s just the cold frigid night air in comparison to Ellie’s warm, wet mouth, but you swear this is some of the best head she’s ever given you. Ellie never stopped licking and kissing at your clit - eventually she didn’t know if you were shaking from the sex or shivering because of the cold, but either way, she could tell from the volume of your moans that you weren’t going to last much longer.

“Mmmmmm- gonna cum soon..”

Ellie just nods, her face still buried into you. You can feel her cute little nose bumping up against you, and both her hands are up on your knees, spreading your thighs open for her.

She knows you’re close when you start whimpering and gasping for air.

“Ohmygod ohmygod Ellie,, fuck- you’re gonna make me cum..”

As soon as you warn her you’re throwing your head back, and your hips snap up as your orgasm takes over you. She keeps licking you clean until your breathing slows and you let yourself sink back down into the hot water.

You can’t even think of anything to say, so you grab Ellie’s arm and wrap it around you, as a way to ask her to cuddle you.

“Always such a cuddle bug after you cum..” Ellie mutters, mostly to herself, as she rests her head on yours.

You just chuckle and look up into the sky as the sun finally sets. You sigh in and out the cold winter air. Ellie kisses the top of your head, whispering one more ‘I love you’ as she pulls you closer into her arms.

𓆟. ° .• .𓆝 .• ° . 𓆟 . ° .• .𓆞

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about Logan adjusting to this new timeline, becoming sober, and Wade somehow finding Logan's dog tags. ~4k words.

(Tw: Logan's a depressed recovering alcoholic with survivor guilt, unofficial proposal, canon usual implied sex jokes, Logan tries to flirt but fails)

To my wife. Who's halo lit up my dark life to see just how many doors were available to me when I couldn't see them myself<3

He offers him his to wear as a cutesie matching necklace type of thing but Logan is hesitant to take them, scared of what will come of it. He does it anyway though because he sees how happy Wade is wearing his.

What he refuses to tell him though is that just hearing the tags jingle makes him jump, flinch, his heart rate rises, and his mind floods with scenes he's worked so hard draining every bar he could find dry just so he could forget.

For me, I, too, am a man with deeply rooted animal instincts and was raised to behave like an obedient pet instead of the animal they made me.

An animal trained to take orders. A soldier without his post is miserable and constantly is either trying to find it again or defend himself from ever having to go back to a post to begin with.

You aren't good enough for them if you obey what they say and excel past the standards. But you aren't good enough if you question their authority and make choices for yourself either. Hoizer comes to mind.

Running with the bulls

Working my miracles

Holding my world together with a boot string

His night terrors are worse, more frequent, constantly a battle between wanting to protect and defend the less fortunate to saying, 'No, I'm done with that. It's none of my business, It’s someone else's problem now.'

He wakes up screaming, claws drawn, every possible sense he has to run activated, panting, gasping almost for air. He's panting, heaving deep but quick breaths, all of the hairs on his arms raised like a cat who just heard a dog barking after having gotten attacked as a kitten.

Living the dream

Benzos and gasoline

Coffee and blue light screens till the morning

He wakes to the sunlight in his face, gets up, stretches, takes his Valium. Eats some toast, calls it breakfast, gets dressed for his weekly AA meeting. The moment he steps inside it smells like Gasoline. Sweet honey scented lies that he hates to admit that he knew all too well. ‘It was only one’ ‘I asked for a virgin one but they brought me the wrong one’ ‘I'm trying, I really am..it's just.. hard’ He's heard them all before but the last one he could relate to the most.

Coming home at night, Logan puts his face into the back of his partner's neck, hugging him from behind as he offers to watch a cowboy movie marathon with him. He barely eats, only taking what Wade gives him or shoves in his mouth like the now spilled popcorn that was all over the ground, His boyfriend sprawled out on the couch while the “Dvd” bounces back and forth on the blue screen.

Wade never likes it but recently he's been drinking coffee at night, pacing back and forth as he searched online for a job. Kept himself far from the nightmares that were trying to catch up with him.

If I tell you this is drowning

You tell me I'm walking on water

I could bring fire from the mountain

You tell me it feels a little colder

Everyone was telling him how good he was doing, how well he was adjusting, how happy they were that he was here and yet.. He didn't feel like he deserved it. Any of it. Not the second chance, not the love and support of all his new family, not the affection from the man who whispered how proud of him he was each night..

It doesn't help his mental status when multiple jobs reject him either. Interviews don't exactly go that well when you have claws for hands and a reputation for having a temper.

“I'm sorry we're looking for someone with more… experience.. in this field. You need an entry level job.”

“Woah dude! You are WAY too qualified to be working here! you should try looking for something higher up, yeah?”

“I'm sorry. You're too much of a liability.”

“Oh my god- You're the Wolverine!”

“Yes.. but uhm.. No.. I'm just Logan now.”

“Wait, why are you applying here? This is a cashier position.”

“I'm aware..”

“Aren't you like… an X-men?”

“N-no… not anymore.”

“Oh… Did they fire you?”

“I quit.”

“Why?”

“Are.. these questions part of the interview?”

What kind of man was he if he couldn't even get a damn job at McDonald's? It felt useless. Like everybody wanted something different from him, but no one was happy either way. Never pleased with his resume or his reputation. You would think being an ex X-man would make it easy. Of course someone would want to hire a superhero? Right? Wrong.

I don't wanna

Choose between being a salesman or a soldier

Just let me look a little older

It seemed everyone wanted him to rejoin the X-men and as much as he missed that mansion upstate, it wasn't his. So many times he's been told stories about himself that he didn't even remember …well.. because it wasn't him. They wanted The Wolverine.

Their Wolverine.

Not Logan.

There was always that spot at the dealership with Peter. Now that Wade was back on his role with mercenary stuff and doing more “Favors” with Colossus, Negasonic and Yukio, that position was open. Part of him- No. Scratch that. All of him was happy for Wade. He seemed to be enjoying life so much more now that he felt he had purpose. But what was his purpose? Selling cars?? Definitely not. Even if it was, they were looking for something else anyway.

“It says here that you are 286 years old. Is that a typo?”

“Oh- uhm… No..”

“I see…Well we are currently looking for someone… younger.. to fill that spot. Sorry.”

But they were never actually sorry. He could smell it.

Coming home from the failed hunt, he felt like an older lion losing its pride to a younger male lion. Well- if lions could develop arthritis in their knees and hands. Once a day he'd pop out his claws, just to keep them ready though he felt like he hadn't used them in such a long time… Maybe he really was turning into an old house cat like wade said.

Sitting in their shared bedroom, he was grumbling to himself, grunting as he tried to get his claw unstuck. This wasn't the first time they locked up and he feared it wasn't the last either.

He snapped his head up at the sound of tags. Around the corner came who he expected, Wade, quickly hiding his hand under the blanket. Coming in, his eyes widened.

“Woah wolvie! Without me? Really? I would have gladly done it for you.”

At first Logan wanted to thank him for offering to help before quickly realizing that from how his hand was under the blanket, it did look suspiciously like adult alone time.

“T-that's not… no.”

“M'kaay. If you say sooo~”

“H-how uhm.. How was work?”

Watching as he began to grab shower clothes and take off his mask, He smiled.

“Oh you know! Watching the life drain from peoples eyes and what not as they beg for their life! The usual.”

“Oh.. that's.. fun?”

“Extremely liberating stuff.”

Watching as he began to strip, He swallowed, wishing he'd leave already so he could finish shoving the claw back into his skin.

Let me step a little bolder

I don't wanna

Choose between being a butcher or a pauper

“You wanna take a shower with me?” He asked, Beginning to walk around butt naked in nothing but his tags.

“U-uhm… No. No thanks, I had one this morning.”

“D'awwww what? Worried i'll see your peanuts? News flash baby, I've had those things down my throat! And I will say. They're better salty anyways~”

All this teasing changed his monotone face into a small goofy smile as he came close, crawling up into his lap, taking hold of his cheeks as he kissed his nose.

“What's wrong? Did you not get the job?”

He was so envious of how he could say such dirty things. Wade was so confident and yet so shy about his face. It made him think of when he was that confident in himself too. (Probably overly confident if we're being honest) Oh that was so many years ago… he'd never get that back. And honestly? He wasn't sure if he wanted to.

Logan said nothing but it was all the answer wade needed.

“I see. Well you'll get’em next time, Right?”

He looked away. Ashamed. Here Wade was, being overly supportive, giving him everything, and still he couldn't find a single happy bone in his body.

Shifting his leg to reassure him more, His knee was placed on the claw, yipping. “Ouch!”

“Sorry! I… I can't.. i-it won't..”

And on top of all that, he just hurt him. Man he sucked at this. All of it. Every little bit of it.

Pulling his hand away, Logan's eyes looked over Wade just as quick as it happened, Trying to see if he was bleeding only to jolt.

“Hey- shh.. Calm down. You're alright.” Grabbing his wrist, he carefully moved the tags that had gotten stuck on the claw.

“What's got you all riled up, Kitty? The interview couldn't have been that bad.”

But what he didn't know is that it WAS that bad.

Instantly Logan broke down, breaking heavily as he began to sob, gritting his teeth as he put his non-stuck hand on his face, wanting to hide. He felt pathetic. Useless. Weak. All of the things he fought not to be.

“Ooh, Honey come her-” Wade reached a hand out, trying to console him only to be shoved away.

“Don't!! I-.. I'm tired of hurting people! That's not who I want to be!”

“Baby cakes, it was an accident-”

“No!! Eveyone wants the Wolverine until the fucking wolverine is actually acting like the Wolverine!” He shouted, trying not to choke on his own tears.

Tilting his head, Wade blinked as if he wasn't aware of what he was talking about, but why would he? Logan hasn't told him anything negative for the past 2 weeks. Keeping it all bottled up, trying to push it deep down but that wasn't him. He couldn't handle it anymore.

“Everyone just keeps saying I should join the X-men again and i-” Wilson put his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with the most serious he has ever been in his entire life.

“Logan, If that's what you want we'll make it work. It's only an hour drive, and i'm sure I could visi-”

“Wade!! Shut. Up! I don't…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he began to apologize, whispering he was sorry for yelling at him.

“I-it's not your fault.. I.. I don't..”

Wade was patient, Nodding, encouraging him to open up with his words. He knew when it was time to zip it and let him talk. Now was one of those times. It was his turn to listen.

“I don't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to fight to begin with but… It's the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good at anything else.. My whole life I've just been jumping team after team and they all eventually die or I just get kicked out for not understanding the power of team work or whatever. Hell, I've been through three different wars and every single time I ran away! Like a damn dog with its tail between its legs! All except the times I was TOLD to run and I didn't. Fuck, Wade! 3 fucking wars and I can't even take orders right!!”

Honey, I'm taking no orders

Gonna be nobody’s soldier

It was now Wade's turn to try to stifle a laugh, snorting as he covered his mouth.

“What's so fucking funny?! That your boyfriend is a sad pathetic loser who can't even get his hands to listen to him!?”

Now he burst out laughing, starting to giggle.

“You're over here talking about not being able to take orders and not being good enough for a team while talking to the same guy who can't even GET on a team and was kicked out of Canadian special forces because I didn't listen to a single thing they said! And you think I care if you ‘can't take orders’ ??” He said this last part in a mocking tone, trying hard to be serious but couldn't.

Logan's eyebrows scrunched with a skeptical glare, tears still dripping down his face, feeling embarrassed and stupid.

Cupping his face again, Wade smiled ear to ear, their foreheads together. “You're much dumber than the comics make you out to be if you think I'd care about anything like that. You honestly think I'd care if you don't want to be anyone's soldier? Why do you think I'm my own boss? The world isn't built for guys like us, baby. And if you wanna open a coffee shop or- pursue your dreams of photography, or hell! Even bird watching for all I care, I will still love you. We will make it work. No matter what you choose to do. Even if you don't get a job at all. Do you understand?”

The man started into his eyes, seemingly frozen as he processed all that he said.

“Logan..”

“Hm?”

“You gotta nod hon, we've talked about this.”

Slowly nodding, indicating that he understood, the tears got thicker as he pulled himself into Wade's shoulder, sobbing more.

“Oooh There there… There's my big strong man..” Wrapping his arms around him, he was careful of the single knife still out. Sitting him up, he rubbed the side of his face as he kissed the other cheek, only to gasp.

“GAASSSPP!! Peanut!”

“What!?” His grip tightened around his waist as he looked around urgently, immediately sniffling and starting to wipe his eyes.

“You're getting greys!” He coed, reaching up to pluck a single gray hair from the beast, who flinched. “Ouch..”

Leaning back, Wade held the hair in front of his face, His smile still wider than ever.

“You're turning into A silver fox, wolvie!”

“W-what?”

“Ooh I bet you're gonna be so handsome! Eehh!” Hugging him again, tight around his neck.

Blushing, He wasn't sure what had just happened. How him venting and crying out of the rage he felt to Wade fangirling over one of his single hairs.. though.. I guess it made sense for your bald boyfriend to monitor yours. Wade has even made him start using a fancy shampoo that made his hair a lot softer, curlier, and Less greasy.

“.. you..You're excited that i'm getting old..??”

“Duh! I've always wanted to be a hot silver daddy's sugar baby!”

“What does that even mean?”

“Don't worry about it- Oh hey look! Your claw went back in.”

Looking at his hand, he made a fist and opened it a couple of times, blinking, oblivious. “...How did you do that?”

But what he didn't realize is that the stress was flowing out of him, and the relief that Wade seemed to be obsessed with him no matter what had calmed him down enough for it to slide back in itself.

“I didn't do anything, sweetheart. You opened up. Let it out. All that stress isn't good for you, you know. How do you think I ended up looking like this?” He joked, giggling.

For some reason, He laughed too, finding this a bit funny.

“Do you feel better? Hm?”

“Nngh..”

“I'll take that as a yes.” The naked man whispers, kissing him with his arms lazily on his shoulders, glad that he was able to cry in front of him. Twas a very manly thing to do and there was no one more manly than the Wolverine himself.

“Alright. I'm gonna go shower. I stink worse than you do after being out in the rain.” You know, wet dog and all. Pulling away, there was a clang and a tug at both of their necks, the tags becoming stuck together, making wade smirk more. “I think these tags don't want me to go.”

Quickly frowning, Logan swallowed, moving to take his off, pulling up his hand as he held it, putting the tag inside of it, closing his fingers.

“Wha..I-... what are you doing?”

“Wade.. I..” He sighs, looking away with a nervous pout, Grunting a bit from frustration. Why did words have to be so difficult?

“Are you breaking up with me?!”

“What!? No! I-.. I don't..”

See what Logan didn't know was that Wade had viewed these as promise rings, the equivalent of engagement even but he was okay with never actually getting married. As long as he got to wear the dress in his closet and dance with him he wouldn't mind if it was legal or not. He understood fully that not everyone wanted to marry the stage 4 cancer patient whose skin looked like turkey bacon that was somehow raw and burnt at the same time.

“You don't what? Do you.. want something else? We can get rings! Do you want rings?” shifting to sit closer to him, Wade was obviously becoming upset about this, untangling the tags and looking at him with those big brown puppy eyes.

“Rings…?”

He could see the gears in his head trying their best to turn as he thought what he meant.

“How would we make them into rings?” He finally asks and to Wade, this was basically a proposal.

Sitting up more he began clapping excitedly the same way he did when seeing puppins again about 8 months ago. “Eeh!! Yes!!”

His head turns, Giggling. “I would've taken it in front of the subway like Sanda Bullock but this works too!”

Logan, like a dumb ass, looked too, knowing full well he wouldn't see anyone but still always looked anyway. “Who??”

“Oh I'll show you later! What size are you?”

“In rings?”

“No, your cock, Of course in rings!”

“Hey now- I never agreed to a cock ring, Wade. No.”

The serious tone and the way he pointed his finger at him made him laugh more, taking his hand as he kissed it. “We'll figure it out. Okay so after my shower, I'll call a guy I know. I think Forge would do a much better job but I feel like he'd say no.” He began rambling about how cute they would be and how excited he was, climbing off of his lap (finally) and started to walk off.

“W-wade!” He called, swallowing again, nervous to ask him to listen.

“What? You wanna come shower?”

“No- well.. maybe but..”

Again he waited, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying his best to be patient but it was hard not talking for 0.5 seconds.

“It's not that.. I don't like them. It's just.. I got those a long long time ago.. and I don't want to be the man those belonged to. Not anymore. And it's not that I don't think about rejoining all the time, it's just.. I want to live my life the way I want too. Charles always said that at the end, we'd get to live how we deserve. That's my time. My time is now. I want to sit on a porch somewhere out west and watch the horses graze. I wanna sit around doing nothing with Puppins in my arms. I want… I want to be with.. with you.”

He admitted, and for once Wade was the one speechless.

“I don't want you to visit. I want to live with you. But not here. I want to go somewhere quieter. Somewhere I can just be.. Logan..”

Putting a hand on his chest as he explained, he didn't see his smile move, not a smidge, watching as he bit his lip and covered his mouth trying to stay quiet until he was done.

“Of course I still want to help people though! Protect them from other worse people… I'm just tired of being someone's toy soldier all the time. I want to do what I think is right but.. also have time to listen to you sing when cooking and take Puppins to the dog park. I want to protect..Us.” Yeah. That felt right. Us. Both of them, all of them. Together. His family.

“B-besides.. If I became an X-men again I don't think I could do it. I could barely sleep back then thinking about all the screams.. the people I couldn't help. I don't think I would be able to get over the fact that I can't save everyone… But I definitely want to try to at least save a few people. Take care of them… all of them. Even if they don't think they need help.” He smiled a bit, taking a huge breath as the stress was relieved from his shoulders.

“Alright you can talk now because I'm never doing that ever again, that was super embarrassing.” He muttered, flushed as he looked down at his lap.

The second he gave him permission to speak, Wade screamed, a scream that made Logan's eyes widen and look at him with a slow blink. “....what was tha-”

Immediately he was pulled up from the bed, picked up and squeezed tightly as he jumped around. Grunting some, he held on tight, feeling a little nauseous. Sometimes it was easy to forget how strong he was.

Still screaming, Wade was extremely excited about all that was just said, Logan admitting that he wanted a serious future with him was a lot better news than he could have ever wished for.

“Put me down!... Wade!... I'm gonna throw up!” He said, whining that he was given uppies non consensually. Even he couldn't help but laugh though in response to his giggles. God that laugh was so annoying and yet his world would feel pointless without it.

Putting him down, Wilson grabs his cheeks, petting his beard. “Ooh Logan.. I don't need protection.. because I can't get pregnant. But if I ever find out that I can, I'll definitely hire you.” He jokes, causing more blushes as his hand comes up to Wades, nuzzling into it for a moment.

“You know what I mean…”

“I do. And while I won't stop you, how about you be your own soldier for a bit? Tell yourself how to live. Not anyone else. And i'll be behind you, wearing a shirt with your ugly mug on it, supporting you the whole way. Got it?”

“Aye! I'm not ugly!”

“No you are not! I've barely been home for 20 minutes and am already so wet. I haven't even taken a shower yet “ he mumbles casually as he begins walking away.

“Heh.. Hey…erm Wade?”

“Yes, love?” Just about to leave the room, he turns, smiling gently at how talkative his fiancé was.

Logan blushes more. “I uhm.. If I'm nobody's soldier… can your name be nobody?”

Wade looks confused at first, now it's his turn to figure out what he was saying.

“Cause.. if your name is nobody then i'd be.. nevermind.” Waving A hand, he glanced at his shoes, stuffing his hands in his pocket having just fumbled that line completely.

Within seconds, Wade was back in that room, giving him the sloppiest, deepest kiss that was available, kissing him all over.

“Oh Logie! You're so sweet! But leave the flirting to me, mkay? I don't need you throwing your back out trying too hard.” He pats his chest, grabbing his hand as Wade drug him by the wrist.

They both laugh as they enter the bathroom, closing the door with a click.

[zaceouiswriting]

The Delinquent

Character: Theo Raeken x male reader

Universe: Somewhere in Teen Wolf

Warnings: Smut

Authors Note:

I know I'm a month late for my annual Theo Raeken Appreciation Month. But better late than never, right? On this blog, we know that Theo Raeken doesn't get the recognition he deserves (Or Cody Christian, his actor). That's why me, myself, and I have made it my mission to fill this world with as much Theo Raeken content as possible. I may not post every day (honestly, even posting once a week would be a treat at this point), but I promise to get out as much as humanly possible. And there will be a lot of smut. A lot of smut.

Please forgive me. As an apology, I'm including a GIF of this handsome man so nobody forgets how good he looks!

It had become much more intense than even you could have imagined in your wildest dreams. The same hands that punched you in the stomach that morning and that later punched you in the face were now holding your bare ass up. He had been in such a hurry to rip off your pants and underwear like an animal, that they would likely not be useable anymore. If you think about it, he was an animal but only in all the right ways.

His rough, large hands felt heavenly on your bare skin. You never knew what you were leaving out when you didn't get intimate with someone. Even though it wasn't love by any means, you don't think it could feel any better. It was clear that Theo was not just experienced but a master at it. Each thrust was meticulous, like a well-oiled machine, even if he didn't look at you.

You had heard - as everyone else - that he would fuck anything on two legs, but he was only seen with girls. It made you hope to be the first guy he fucked.

Only half of his cock was pushing in and out of your hole as it was much, much bigger than you expected. And even though you prepared for it every night - as you knew deep down it would happen someday - the thought of him couldn't prepare you for the real deal.

Suddenly, Theo jolted you out of your thoughts by forcefully slamming your back against a row of lockers. It was almost as if he wanted your undivided attention, but wasn't willing to reciprocate with the same. The openness of your activity made it even more tempting to you. Up until this point, you didn't even know you had this kink - to fuck in the open hallway of your school.

As he turned his head back to the side, you felt shame welling up. Fed up with his gamey, with your left hand, you grabbed his sharp jaw and forced him to look at you. The moment your eyes met, you saw nothing but contempt in his hazel, almost innocent-looking eyes. They were so beautiful when he was angry, but right then they sent a wave of excitement down your spine.

“Look at me while you fuck me,” you whispered to him, barely able to contain your lewd moans. You wanted nothing more than to scream, moan and groan. But you kept it to yourself, not wanting to show him how much you loved the feeling of his cock in your hole, how his hands were holding your ass so tenderly, spreading your cheeks and the roughness of his skin, or the way his eyes made you feel with the obviousness anger contained within them. The hopelessness of the situation in his glaring eyes made you stay hard.

“Fucking faggot,” he muttered angrily, but there was more that you couldn't pinpoint.

Smiling, you looked straight into his beautiful eyes. “Last time I looked, you were fucking me.”

He paused for a second, disbelief running across his face, just before he stopped being gentle and entered you fully. You could have sworn you felt something tear, but the way he hit that one spot inside, you couldn't feel pain or even think about it. Theo began to thrust upwards like the wild animal he was, which in return made him move closer to you. So much so that his head came right next to yours, panting heavily. He obviously liked it at least as much as you did, but his ego and pride surely wouldn't let him show it, which made him look even hotter in your eyes.

“Shut up, fucking whore!” Theo whispered in your ear. The closeness of his voice caused an obvious shiver throughout your body, coupled with his warm and moist breath tingling the fine hairs on your ear and neck. It finally broke whatever resolve you had. You started to moan loudly, and your hands buried themselves in his perfectly styled hair, to try holding onto him for dear life. “Do you like that?” he asked teasingly, an audible grin in his already teasing voice. But when you tried to answer, he thrust up at the first note, making you moan instead. “Fuck! You feel so good and you sound so fucking needy.”

The dirty talk was finally enough for you. As you came without touching yourself, you moaned in deathly embarrassment, one shot after another coming from your cock, which didn't go limp afterward.

“Fuck, stop milking me!” Theo moaned, not realizing he had made you cum. It wasn't until he moved his head back and saw your fucked out face, partially limp, with your head against the locker and not against his neck where it was just a second before. Theo looked intrigued, at least as your blurry eyes suggested. “Shit,” he muttered, pausing in his movements, “If you had shown me your naughty side earlier, I would have fucked you long ago,” he said to you, chuckling darkly.

He suddenly removed his right hand from your ass but somehow managed to hold you up with just one hand since you couldn't wrap your legs tightly around his waist anymore. Out of nowhere, he touched your face and gently caressed your cheek. Without a word though, he stuck his fingers into your mouth. Noticing it a second later, you slowly closed your lips around his strong fingers and licked them like they were a lollipop. But Theo forced it further down until his palm was against your face. You didn't gag or anything.

Realization hit Theo a few moments later. But still, in disbelief, he pulled his fingers out until a soft 'pop' was heard. He moaned at the sound so loudly that you thought he was coming. But just as suddenly as before, he started fucking you again, more relentlessly than before. Clearly excited about what he had just discovered. Somehow you knew it would lead to many more wet and slimy encounters.

Theo's hand went to your throat where he tightened his grip, restricting your breathing. But the only thing it did to you was make you want him to fuck you senseless.

Your eyes must have betrayed and you believed him starting to grin again. After all of that, it didn't take long for Theo to come. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth in ecstasy. Just a second later, he groaned loudly, filling your insides with endless amounts of his warm cum. With one particularly powerful spurt, his swollen cockhead pressed against your prostate so hard that you came a second time.

He collapsed against you as you felt his cum painting your insides like a masterpiece while simultaneously painting the outsides of him and yourself a similar color. As he carelessly breathed heavily into your neck, you became excited again. But when you heard a low rumble from him that almost sounded like a chuckle, you looked at him. You caught his big, scheming eyes staring at you, which made you blush.

He slowly lowered you back to the floor where you almost collapsed, but Theo was there to hold you tight. Your legs had never hurt so much. It took a few minutes, but when you were able to stand alone, Theo asked for the test answers, immediately, staring at you darkly again with his blank, murderous eyes, which he used for his gang activities, even though you believed he would someday build a massive underground empire. You just knew that you couldn't be on his wrong side. To comply with his request, you stumble towards your backpack and retrieve some documents. As you turn back to him, you notice his surprised expression.

“You had them with you the whole time?” he asked exasperated.

“Of course,” you replied plainly, hiding a grin. “I know you like to get your deals done quickly, so I finished it after my morning beating. All the answers to all kinds of questions,” you told him before hobbling away.

***

It was a week later when you were cornered by Theo again, his cronies were nowhere to be seen. Knowing why, you didn't show fear, even when he left you hanging in the air by your collar. You seemed like a lightweight to him, but you couldn't be mad about his fury, after all, you outsmarted him.

“Why the hell did I get an “F,” you fucking idiot?” Somehow, you imagined him as a foaming-at-the-mouth wolf, ready to attack you and rip your throat out. But the next moment you imagined him naked and only with dog ears, you immediately blushed. “What’s there to laugh about, faggot? I'll make you feel how stupid it was to-"

“I’m sorry,” you interrupted, eyes closed, preparing yourself for what was to come. But when you opened them again, there was nothing but self-confidence to be seen inside them, which confused Theo. You placed your right hand on his and looked deep into his hazelnut eyes. “You won’t hurt me anymore!” you told him calmly. 

It seemed like an order, which infuriated Theo even further, causing him to question whether you comprehend the power imbalance between the two of you.

Before Theo could argue, you pulled out your phone. You were about to say something and held the screen up to him. When Theo played the video and heard the lewd moans, he immediately shut it down, horror visible in his eyes.

“You filmed us?” he asked. Swallowing loudly, he waited for your answer, but you just grinned. “You stupid faggot,” he muttered crestfallen, his face in his hands.

“That’s funny,” you replied arrogantly. “The only person who's actually fucked another guy is you, and to be honest, from the way we're standing in the video, it looks a lot like... you know. What if people see it? Do you think they would see the same thing?”

You never thought you would see defeat in his eyes so quickly. Until then, you thought he would destroy your phone and think it was over. But he seemed to have realized that you were smarter than that, which you were since you had a dozen copies of them at home. You weren't ashamed of admitting to jerking off to it multiple times if he asked.

“What do you want?” he finally asked, his head bowed and his voice staggering. He wasn't attractive the way he was right then. Pushing him lightly so that he would have no other choice but to put you down again, until you stood strong before him.

With your free hand, you ran over his burgundy shirt, feeling every muscle of his - as you knew - divine body down to the edge of his pants. Without hesitation, you undid his button, as he simply stares at you, unable to say anything.

“I’m about to suck you off, but first I’d like to make a deal with you.”

Theo was already breathing heavily. It made you smirk, knowing you made a certain, rather lewd impression on him. Massaging his big, soft cock, it grew faster than you thought. But you decided against teasing him about it.

"The deal is that you'll be intimate with me every day until the end of the school year, for me not to show the video to anyone, and I'll help you leave this place as a straight-A student for me getting a favor in the future. But you would have to change your behavior a little or the teachers might think you were cheating.”

"What do you- Ahhh, damn it, tighten your grip- Yes, that's right." Theo was already in heaven and seemed to have forgotten the conversation you were having. But somehow he snapped back after a few seconds. "What do you mean?" He finally finished his question, albeit loudly swallowing.

Smiling, you scoffed at him. “Do you really think they would believe that a delinquent like you would suddenly become a great student?” You removed your hand from his, still on your collar, and pulled him by his collar closer to you. “But don’t worry, I’ll teach. But I think I deserve something special now.”

Theo looked confused, his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes filled with many unanswered questions. You didn't feel like answering any of them, so you pulled him closer and kissed him. His lips tasted like mint, and before either of you knew it, your tongue was already entwined with his, dancing in perfect harmony.

[Masterlist]

[p-oisn]

let's get positive ! (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

(the content below the cut contains mentions of sensitive topics such as implied su*cide & sh so pls scroll if you're uncomfortable w those !)

this is a long rant about life basically .. 💩💩

i was going to make a post like this sometime later anyways bc i felt .. like a nice person ... but i made it a bit earlier than i expected bc i saw a post from oomf that really made me think .. so here u go

this comes from my own PERSONAL experiences and this is js my point of view yk !!! im no expert on any topic HSHSJ this is js the way i cope plz dont come for me in my asks ... i am aware that it isn't the same for everyone but , i hope this message can be helpful to some extent </3

if you feel like like life is leading nowhere n you feel like giving up I PROMISE it will get better bc i felt the same for two whole years n i will say that i have improved a LOT since . yes , it took me longer than i expected but i didn't give up and you shouldn't either ! it was hard n there were times i felt like i wasn't making any progress / improvement but in the end , it still got better

be kinder (to yourself, first) ☆

i think the first step to loving yourself is to forgive yourself .. its okay to try over n over again , you're still human n i think ppl tend to forget that often bc they're so tough on theirselves . let's not forget that your body is actively trying it's best to keep u alive , your WBCs for example ! (let's appreciate these little guys for trying their best 🎉🎉) your body too , deserves to be loved back , for fighting so hard just for YOU! so pls don't hurt yourself in any way </3

appreciate yourself for achieving even the smallest of tasks because even if it wasn't something big , YOU DID IT ANYWAYS ! every small achievement of yours deserves to be appreciated . even if it's momentary happiness , appreciate yourself while it lasts . i understand that sometimes even small things could be such a hassle but you can always reward yourself later ! i personally like to buy donuts everytime i finish something (this could come in handy when you're really craving something if you get what im saying ..)

It's okay if you're going at a slower pace than other people , what matters in the end is that you get it done ! everyone is not the same so it's unfair to put yourself down for such things .. also applies to comparing yourself to someone because in the end you'll still be you .. even if you don't like it .. that makes you unique ofcourse , there's only one of you in this world so embrace yourself for that !! you're one of a kind (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

oh, but, life's the same, it's boring ... ☆

yes , a lot of days could end up being the exact same because like , there are 365 days in a year so you can except most of them to be similar .. but as a new year starts , ofc many things change without you even noticing it , you grow older ofcourse , and you could be starting a new year in school , you meet new people and so on ! if you compare your life from a year ago or even a few months ago to now , you'll surely notice a few differences atleast so .. life is not reaaaaally the same right .... everyday is a new experience ! literally anything and i mean anything could happen the next day , you could even win the lottery who knows 🤫

when i felt like everyday was the same , i tried changing my patterns .. (my current favourite thing to do is go on a walk ! sometimes i take my dog w me , it's super fun) i would do small things that i dont usually do like sketch ! or i attempt cooking something new .. but obviously there were a LOT of days where i did nothing , sometimes even weeks , and that's okay ! we all deserve days where we do nothing ESPECIALLY if you're someone who is working or js in school / college everyday .. you deserve that break

i think a big factor is being unproductive ? don't get me wrong , i still am my same unproductive self at times unfortunately , n sometimes they do get so bad that they lead to a terrible burnout .. n i went through a rly bad burnout not long ago n trust me you do not want to get this far :( how do i deal with this ? (let's take studying as an example here) well i always start off with small portions , even if it's just a page or two . n then i slowly keep increasing the amount of pages i read .. n yes ofc , i understand how brutal burnouts can get sometimes n that's why it's important to not overwhelm yourself by attempting to finish a big portion of your studies in one go .. just take it easy , let the information marinate in your head for a bit before you move on to the next topic .. so basically what im trying to say here is don't overwhelm yourself with big tasks especially when you're already burntout

friends .. they're great ☆

the thing that honestly improved my life by a mile is getting good friends .. I've had my fair share of bad friend groups so trust me when I say this , it's better to be alone than with people who drain you mentally because . you deserve someone who treats you the way you actually want to be treated .

"but it's hard to make friends" i completely get this because i am a very shy person myself </3 but i think you could start by trying to make friends online ! its easy to find someone with similar interests on the internet .. so when you feel down atleast you know that there's someone on the other side of the world who cares for you ..

but this doesn't change the fact that solitude is AMAZING too (tbh i could go on for a really long time on how i love being by myself but this is already getting super lengthy ...) you can be your own friend too ! (okay see now this seems insane but if it makes you happy WHO CARES AMIRITE) i personally enjoy my own company like omg .. she can get a good laugh out of me sometimes ... you can do whatever you want when you're alone ! you can dance to your favourite playlist or experiment with a bunch of stuff ! if you get bored you can watch your favourite movie or consume your favourite piece of media that no one gets like you 🤫 so , as much as making friends sounds great , let's appreciate solitude too !!

ah, life can be beautiful sometimes? ☆

one of the biggest reasons i go on walks almost regularly is to remind myself how beautiful the world can be sometimes .. (atp half of this is me convincing you all to go on walks) i live in a beautiful neighbourhood n there are a lot of different flowers and fruits that grow here and that makes me really happy . going on early morning walks especially is soo fun , the world is so quiet then and you can even watch the sunrise 🥹

another thing is buying myself things i like ... especially clothes ... if you think you would look good in something then js go ahead and buy it ! don't mind what other people think because like ... YOU are wearing it and if people around you have a problem with that then i think they should close their damn eyes and not look at you if it bothers them that much 🤦 you deserve to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin , you deserve to dress the way you want to ! so if you feel like dressing a particular way would make you feel better .. GO FOR IT !!! this applies to other things you like, maybe accessories, merch or stationary that look cute .. it's okay even if people judge you for your style because in the end they're the ones who are boring and miserable because they spend soo much time hating on others 😒

life is soo much more fun when you take care of yourself trust me ... you deserve to be taken care of !! so spoil yourself once in a while i promise it's okay as long as it makes you happy <3

to sum it all up .. yes , good times don't last forever but so don't bad times , and you and i both can get through a bad day because life is still going on (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ bad times too , will pass . so please believe in yourself and hold on !! i love you

again, this is all how*I* like to cheer myself up so pls don't take anything here in a bad way 😖 all of this was made with good intentions and im so sorry if i still ended up hurting anyone in any way ..

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Dear Stuck, I hope you are doing well. Although I have never written on here and plan on doing so more, I'd like to thank you for all the work you've put into keeping this ship alive and supporting the girls both individually and together. You are one of the few people that stayed behind after everything that happened and for that I am grateful. In our eyes, Camren is just a love between two beautiful girls that are constantly being forced apart by forces greater than them. Their will to keep on fighting for that feeling that they first felt at 17 (yes, Used to this is THE Camren anthem to me) gives me so much hope for their future. As a young queer girl, they were the first couple that I encountered that I found a home in. Their love gave me courage to come out and say the things that I kept guarded in my heart for so long and for that I am forever grateful. Nonetheless, apart from expressing my deepest gratitudes to you and this incredible fandom, I'd like to say that I encountered something interesting the other day that I have never seen, in the 8 years that I have been in this fandom.

It's a radio interview from Ryan Seacrest, recorded around the time when 7/27 was released. The thing that intrigued me is that only Camila and Lauren are interviewed by him and although it is quite short, it made my heart soar when I saw it. Have you ever seen this? And I am very curious as to why only C and L were interviewed when the other girls (or what sounded like them) could be heard in the background. I am obviously aware that industry people knew of Camren, but it came as a bit of surprise that Ryan knew, as well. Here's the link to the interview: https://youtu.be/X_K8_lQafhM?feature=shared

As you can imagine, hearing them being interviewed on their own made me so emotional and gave me a tiny glimpse into their potential future as a free couple, a future that they deserve to have after everything they have been through. As a last question before I end this longer post than expected, do you think that they are still together?

I hope that you'll have an amazing day Stuck and to all my dear fellow Camren shippers, do not forget to keep the boat afloat! Sending much love to everyone.

Hey buddy! First of all, thank you for your kind words. I don't really feel like I deserve them because one: I'm not as active on CamrenLand anymore and two: I totally distanced myself from Lauren as a fan. I don't follow her anymore, but I still like Camren. I think that just like you, this fandom has filled my life a lot, especially because of the people I've met. Some are very good, others not so much. But they've been there and that's appreciated. I'm so happy for you, buddy. To know that the girls' love, as cute and chaotic as it has been, has helped you and other fans have the courage to come out of the closet. It's an achievement, not only for the girls, Lauren and Camila, but for yourself. That courage was always inside you, you just needed a little push and Camren gave it to you. It's amazing and really gratifying to know that they did help.

As for the interview, it's the first time I've listened to it and it's been great to do so. I didn't know her but I loved it. I didn't know how much I missed hearing the girls talk until now. They were always a good team in interviews. Whether it was making jokes or supporting each other when needed. The times Lauren defended Camila from the mockery of the interviewers I always found it very loving.

I don't know if the girls are still together, I hope they are. If they're not together, I've always wanted them to be happy with whoever they choose and now Camila... well, no. I'm not going to talk about this in your answer, buddy. Maybe later.

Thank you very much once again for your nice comments, and I hope you do well in life and with your loved ones ❤️ . Be safe, buddy.

[putschki1969]

2024/06/30 Blog post by Wakana 6月最後の日！〜皆さん、本日締め切りです‼︎＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Last Day of June!〜Everyone, Today is the Deadline!＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／〜

And just like that it's already the last day of June! I'm spending this day looking at photos of the gorgeous hydrangeas at Yokosuka Museum of Art ＼＼\٩( 'ω' )و //／／Amazing… they were in full bloom😳✨The days are getting longe and I really feel like it's summer😊

Hello, this is Wakana(0￣▽￣0)／

I always feel energised by nature🌳

Well! Before starting with the big Sarushima arc, I'd like to talk about some of my fangirl activities from a while back😊These pictures are from April when I went to see "Detective Conan: The Movie 1,000,000" by myself. Before heading to the movie theatre, I had a special Kaito Kid collaboration ice cream at Baskin Robbins!! It was called "Kaito Kid's Jewel Sundae"🍨I went on a weekday morning so I was the only one in the store. When the sundae was brought to my table, the first thing I thought was, "it's huge!!"😂I immediately opened the acrylic coaster that came with the order so I could take a commemorative photo with the sundae📸It really feels like I was doing my very best to support my favourite character. By the way, this acrylic coaster is the same one that made a special appearance during my online after-talk event. It matches perfectly with my own acrylic stand😭 Amazing😭✨ There's a moon just like Kid-sama's trademark moon in the background, and our outfits are matching too😭 It's an incredible miracle😭✨

There were two types of ice cream to choose from, one of which was my favourite "Chocolate Chip"🍫 (unfortunately, it is no longer available…) The other one was a special limited edition "Detective Conan Yogurt-Berry Ice Cream"😊I took so many pictures, the sound of my "snap📸snap📸" echoed throughout the quiet store.

But… really… this sundae was huge!! 🍨🍨😂🍨🍨When I saw the whipped cream on top, I was worried whether or not I would be able to finish all of it. And as expected, I was struggling😇 By the time I got to the chocolate chip ice cream, my stomach felt a little bloated 😇 (or rather, I was craving something salty to make up for all the sweetness) But of course I ate it all!! And I was freezing!! (It was a chilly day) When I got to the bottom, I realised for the first time that Kid-sama was printed on the other side of the cup.✨

After eating delicious ice-cream and getting really cold, I headed to the cinema!! Once I was seated, I peeled Kid-sama off the back of my phone to take a took a picture 😂But thinking about it, I should have taken out the acrylic stand I got earlier 😭 How stupid of me😭Following an exciting and happy time watching a great movie, I went to Sushizanmai on the way home and ate my favourite torotaku maki🥰🍣I love torotaku!! ︎I want to start and finish my meal with torotaku 😻 (and have something grilled in between) Even though I love it so much, my photo doesn't do it justice🥺 But it still looks delicious 🤤 (at least in my opinion)

So, everyone, today is the last day of June which means it's the submission deadline for the talk topic of my next "Wakana's Talk Garden" Vlog which will be posted on July 10th! … Don't forget to stay hydrated and protect yourself from the heat♪

Until next time~☆( '▽')/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

2024/07/04 Instagram post by Wakana

Yesterday, I went to Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse to see Day 1 of "Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024"!! The venue is so big. For the first day of the event, live performances were held by the event's producer, ISEKI, alongside Simon Isogai and Yohei Hamabata. 🤗 The distance between the stage and the audience was small so it was an exciting and heated live performance. 😳💓Summer has finally begun…!! 🎐🌻🏝️🌊🌞See you all here on Saturday the 13th. ☺️(Source)

Title: “AirTrip presents Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024” Date and time:July 13, 2024 Open 18:30 / Start 19:00 Venue: Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse Performers: RYTHEM・Wakana Official site: http://omatsuridays.jp/

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Writeblr Interview Tag

Look at me, mom, I'm a writeblr.

I was tagged by @the-inkwell-variable thank you :D

I feel like I am (again? always?) running out of people to tag, and I don't wanna annoy anyone and this is pretty long, so open tag.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels all the way.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Fantasy, murder mystery, romance—the latter only in certain circumstances like a very interesting character or setting. Without that, romance makes me run for the hills.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

Yes.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Whatever my current playlist is, which could be a) instrumental soundtrack of something b) a playlist that might or might not be project related (it currently is) containing at least 50% power metal or c) pressing play in youtube for a fun adventure. I can listen to one and the same song for several weeks on repeat.

Favorite books/movies?

I don't really watch many movies. Can't even remember the last one, and there are none I return to with any kind of regularity. I guess The Outsider (2002) was pretty neat. I even made a music video with scenes from the movie and all that XD As for books, some are quite old like The Wind Witch by Susan Dexter, or the Death Gate Cycle by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. Others are indies, like Once Stolen by D.N. Bryn or The Sorceress and the Incubus by Mallory Dunlin. My favorite murder mysteries are the Lindsay Chamberlain books by Beverly Connor, and Wolfsaga by Käthe Recheis is a (German) masterpiece.

Any current WIPs?

One active one, and one on hiatus. The active one is All of our Lives, currently at around 53k with hopes of finishing draft 1 at the end of the year. Suffering, recovery, revenge, happy end :D The other was supposed to strand Riordan in the wilderness, but it turns out, I can't divide my attention atm. Sorry, Riordan :/

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

Knee-length summer dress over leggins and a long sleeved shirt, sandals with two differently colored socks, one matching the dress, the other the shirt, and glasses with a black frame. Also give me an ace ring, even if I'm not wearing it anymore atm.

Create a character description of yourself:

No lol

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Whole people, no. Freely taking names or small details from people I know? Absolutely.

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I kill all of the bad guys and none of the good guys.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

I don't really drink coffee, so.... 95% of the time it's tap water, though.

Slow or fast writer?

I guess in the grand scheme of things, it still counts as fast, even when I am unhappy with the speed.

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

⭐ Everything ⭐

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Dead lol

Most fav book cliche:

I'm not really sure if that's a cliche or what, but unexpected kindness. Nothing has me sobbing like a character being kind and accepting when no one else (especially those much closer to them) was before. Aaaand we don't think too hard about why that is, let's move on ->

Least favorite cliche:

Oh! *opens draft again 2 seconds before posting and replaces what I had written before* The redeemed bad guy who gets killed off. Letting us get to know them, showing their tragic past and their love for kitties or whatever, and bam, a chapter later, dead, self-sacrifice for the noble hero. Fuck that.

Favorite scene to write?

Funnily enough, torture ranks pretty low, and recovery not much higher. There's always so much at stake and I take forever getting the words down and I keep forgetting injuries and wait which finger did I cut off? Most fun is just writing a happy little scene where the characters hang out and suddenly tell me things about themselves I didn't know yet, and uh, sometimes there's also happy little accidents.

Reason for writing?

If I don't do it, who else will?

[abovetherainandroses]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Storm here! 🌩 Tysm for the tag @27-royal-teas! <3 I haven't done a tumblr meme thing in forever! And I don't really have any friends on this blog so I don't have anyone to tag, but if you're a writer who follows me, consider yourself tagged! (And also come be my friend)

This got long! I talk too much! Answers are below the cut!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So I have two accounts lol, because for some reason I decided to make a separate RPF account even though I have other embarrassing things on main account anyway?? Anyway, I currently have 100 fics on my main and 5 on my RPF account.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Across both accounts, 379,693 words for an average of 3.6k per fic. Longfic? I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I usually write for one fandom at a time, but I will revisit/cycle through fandoms. Currently it's Fall Out Boy. Previously, I was writing some MCU stuff (mostly Spider-Man). Also wrote a handful of Good Omens stuff back when S1 came out. I have the most fics posted for Haikyuu (volleyball manga/anime) lol.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oops I only have 5 fics so far on my RPF account and I'm still debating whether I want this account directly linked to my main.

But I will take this opportunity to tell anyone who needs it not to put too much stock into kudos!! Kudos count relies on a lot of factors, but a big two are fandom/ship size and when you post the fic relative to the height of the fandom's activity. (Getting in early with a fic right after a new movie/season/etc. comes out so you're one of the first fics for the New Thing can be huge too.)

External validation is obviously very nice but if you rely too much on it, you're not gonna have a good time.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Comments make my entire life and I always want to respond to them, but I inevitably fall off because the brain energy isn't there, and I keep putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off, and then it feels too late. But seeing as I only have 5 fics on my RPF account, I recently went and responded to everything, even if it was years late. In the past few weeks I've actually gotten responses to some comments I left on fics like 3 years ago so it inspired me, haha.

I myself am not always good at leaving comments (continuous goal to get better at it), so I really appreciate the people who take the time to leave kind comments for me and I want to express that appreciation.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write angsty fic... I'm too softhearted. That said, I have made a few forays into angst, but Your Mileage May Vary on which one is the angstiest. Is it the major character death? Is it the one where they're soulmates with the last words they'll say to each other written on their skin, and in the end it's not death that separates them, but their own inability to have a functional relationship with each other?

Or is it the one I didn't even think was super angsty and tagged "bittersweet ending" but then it made a bunch of people cry? I'm still like "...my bad" about that one lmao.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fluff is my lifeblood and almost all of my fics have a happy ending. I couldn't tell you which was the happiest, haha. Again, I'm incredibly softhearted, and also a big sap. I cannot deny this!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thinking very hard... I have been posting fic for............. several years so it is possible I am forgetting something but nothing comes to mind! I have always felt too relatively unknown for haters, which is just fine by me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

"What kind" lol. What does that even mean. Listen, my kink is holding hands during sex and being ❤️ in love ❤️ (I mentioned I'm a softhearted sap, right??)

Sometimes I might explore some light kink but nothing too hardcore imo.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Again, I've been writing/posting fic for several years, so I could be forgetting something, but I don't remember ever writing a true crossover. Though in my personal definition of fandom terms, crossover = characters from fandom A meet characters from fandom B. I have written a few fusion AUs in my time (characters from fandom A existing in the world of fandom B), which you could say falls under the crossover umbrella. For example, I've written Kingdom Hearts characters in a Pacific Rim AU and Haikyuu characters in Dragon Age AU.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Though I did once see (this was a SUPER long time ago) someone repost my fic on tumblr the same day I posted it on FFN, even though I also posted the full text of the fic on tumblr myself. They credited my FFN account, at least, but like. Hey. Don't do that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I've had some fics translated into various languages! It's definitely an honor that people want to share some of my stuff in other languages and take the time to do that translation work. I try to ask people keep translations on AO3 but it hasn't always succeeded so there are some translations of my works floating around on foreign language fic sites... Ah well.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I successfully co-wrote one (1) fic with one of my friends years ago. I've tried a few other times to co-write fics (including with the same person) but none of them ever finished... Co-writing fic is hard! Idk how to do it effectively. I've done a handful of fic/art collabs with my wife though!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don't know that I have a single all-time favorite ship, but Peterick is definitely the current fave. I........ adore them. So much.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Listen, I am a hoarder of WIPs and a clinger to delusions that they will one day be finished. But okay, one of my peterick WIPs from 2016-2017 that I really liked but highly doubt I'll ever finish is a no-band, dating show AU where Pete is the eligible bachelor on a queer offshoot of the Bachelor/Bachelorette and Patrick (through machinations by Joe) ends up as a contestant on the show. Patrick is camera shy and does not want to be there, but he made a deal with Joe to stay til he was eliminated. Pete, who just went through a public and messy divorce with Ashlee, does not want to be there, but he was guilt-tripped into using his moderate fame to help bring viewership to the underfunded little queer show.

Pete finds out Patrick never wanted to be there in the first place and offers to eliminate Patrick. I will copy/paste the next bit from my gdoc:

"[...] pete’s like what if…i didn’t eliminate you and we just stayed friends and hung out and stuff and patrick finds himself agreeing bc pete’s a really nice dude and they have a lot of interests in common

But then Patrick keeps sticking around through the weeks and Patrick and Pete fall in love and both end up having separate private crises because they agreed to be friends. Patrick sees Pete spending time with other candidates and clearly being attracted to them and it sucks because now Patrick is in love with Pete and Pete isn’t considering him at all. Meanwhile Pete is having a good time with the other candidates and sure there’s lust there and even some like but he can’t stop thinking about how perfect Patrick is for him except for oh wait Patrick doesn’t even want to BE here and Pete was the one who convinced him to stay and now he’s fucking in love with him."

Blah blah blah, stuff happens, Pete eliminates Patrick in the last few weeks then when he has to make the choice between the final two candidates, calls Patrick and confesses to him instead, blah blah blah, happy ending.

Anyway. I wrote 11k of that fic and I was about 1/3 of the way through. It will never be finished. But now I've told you all about it and that's good enough, right?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Internal narration and emotions. Tightly focused fics that span 1-3 scenes. Spelling and grammar.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Longfic or fic with several scenes that take place over an extended stretch of time. Related to that, coming up with external plot events rather than just internal conflict HAHA. Describing the setting/environment so the characters don't just exist in a nebulous empty space.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As with most of my preferences re: fic, it depends on the execution. It can feel clunky and maybe even cringey, or it can feel natural and realistic. Just be intentional about how you're using it. Also, it always helps if you know a fluent speaker who can review it for you but understandably you may not always have someone like that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Warrior... cats...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is impossible to answer hahahaha. Certainly if we look at my main AO3. But if we're looking at my grand total of 5 (as of yet) RPF fics, I can say that I'm still quite fond of get us right (quitters never win), a fob AU fic where everything is the same but they all have minor superpowers, featuring empath!Patrick and telepath!Pete.

Aaaaand we are done! If you got this far, I am giving you cookies.

[just-orbiting-you]

i’ll never forget publicity from that movie premiere where jungkook and taehyung are on a red carpet together. when jungkook goes live after coming home that night, he doesn’t EVEN MENTION that he was out with tae. crazy. i can’t help but feel he’s intentional.

Just reading through one of your last posts and this part really stuck out to me. I became a huge fan of BTS maybe a year and half ago, and as someone new to the fanbase, I unfortunately became a huge tkkr (in my defense their edited content was literally everywhere, with little to no pushback, and so it never crossed my mind as a newer fan to question it). But it was that live that I began to question things. I remember jungkook being somewhat down, and a little upset. It seemed like he was alluding to a situation while he was out with Tae, but didn't really elaborate, and I just thought it was weird that no one was mentioning it. It totally contradicted the message that fans were saying about Tae & JK just having this happy "finally free and real" red carpet moment in front of cameras, but I was like what do I know, I'm new here, so I brushed it off. Then Tae came live a few hours later and was talking about getting drunk and passing out and that Jungkook didn't, and so that kind of told me that Jungkook left Tae while he was drinking with his friends and went home to immediately start a live and talk to fans and cook. So it kind of dawned on me that something wasn't right with this whole tkk thing. And then the whole Jennie and Paris thing happened and I saw firsthand how fans were bending over backwards trying to come up with theories why that wasn't Tae with her, and I was like, yeah these people are not living in reality. Not to mention that Jungkook went live after, and genuinely seemed to happy and excited lol. That's when I started looking at things differently, and I started noticing other things that I probably would've dismissed before. Like how Tae would do this weird thing where he would go live just to mention Jungkook and then end it. But Jungkook when he wasnt pushing back on things Tae said, would actively avoid bringing up Tae, but with Jimin he would bring him and only him up randomly or spend hours watching his content, or comment on his lives and when he didn't he would make mention of things that happened in Jimin's live, meaning he made sure to watch them, it was just completely different energy. That live that Tae and Jimin did outside of Jungkook's house while he was live pretty much summed up their differences to me. Tae went live happy for the attention, and Jimin was more concerned about pulling attention away from Jungkook and wanting Tae to end the live because it wasn't right. And that to me said more to me.

thank you so much for sharing!! i appreciate you writing down how you felt, because it is kinda surreal hearing view being voiced by one group of people so loud and so believable, but realizing that they might have a skewed perspective.

That live that Tae and Jimin did outside of Jungkook's house while he was live pretty much summed up their differences to me. Tae went live happy for the attention, and Jimin was more concerned about pulling attention away from Jungkook and wanting Tae to end the live because it wasn't right.

i remember jimin saying in the live, like "leave the kid alone" "turn it off" and i think jimin just has an awareness and a foresight for certain things. why turn on a live right outside jungkook's house, when you can see the apartment in the shot. it wasn't right to do that to jungkook.

i just saw a clip from the live (forgive me i lost it on twitter) before they left for the military where jungkook says "after this live i have no more schedules" and tae and namjoon were like "set up a shoot! shoot something else!" and jimin said "no no you should rest and take care of yourself."

jimin just shows time and time again how much he cares about jungkook, in the way he supports jungkook's solo career, in the way he praises him and his talents, in the way they clearly have become such comforts and supports for each other.

i have never really felt that same bond with t@ekook, and the way you summed up last year in lives and interactions, i feel like the dichotomy is showcased well through their public interactions.

thanks again for sharing!

[rin-and-jade]

This post won't be discussing how to build the innerworld or anything, but to cover the topic of how well we see IN that world, or space, i haven't seen anybody talking about this so i might as well share everything i got for now. (this is sort of long so bare with me)

Im starting off by explaining what is mental clarity, it is that one word that stuck with me first when it comes to discussing or learning this, although mental clarity generally means how sharp and alert you are, but its more than that, it also relates to how well you decide, or think, or keep focused/concentrated and how well you can retain something without forgetting depending on how good or bad your clarity is.

Now it does make more sense does it? It should be, because that clarity is also one factor of how well you can envision the world inside your head, when were calm and sharp and feeling fully awake that is where our peak ability, capable to get inside and see anything without any problems, and of course like anything else, everything isn't linear, for those systems who are currently having an active stressor, getting triggered, not well rested and sometimes a bad emotional/mental state might curve down your ability to see clear, to a little bit fuzzy, and to not being able to see anything at all, it varies for everyone in a spectrum. This is something brain fog can do to you, i bet you knew that word well already.

While yes, it fluctuates due to external factors, im also telling that even if you're fine and you're all good, no stress no nothing, that clarity will still fluctuate around the day not without an unapparent reason but things like hormone regulation, daytime sleepiness and alert cycle (something like that) but atleast alot more stable and less troubling to deal, so i doubt you should worry whenever you can't see as well as how you could like say, two hours ago, ok?

Last but not least, i want to include that your mental clarity affects how well you can listen and communicate with your other parts, too. Plus that blurry or meshed feeling you feel where you can't differentiate who is who, or who is talking, or what you're all doing is also due to poor clarity so don't panic, find some ways to ground yourself because this mostly happens when theres chronic stress or dissociated from trauma triggers or something that is enough to overwhelm you, so get some techniques and plans up your sleeves whenever it happens to avoid further problematic outcomes.

I did not include any other factors such as poor communication between parts, or conditions that directly affect clarity or visualizing, or effects from medications/drugs in this post because it might need its own, happy learning fellow tumblr systems, hope what i had wrote is educating for better living. (you made it to the bottom, yay)

- j

[windvexer]

Hi,

One thing I think I'd like to have is a large following on Tumblr. However, I also think I am absolutely not cut for the attention it would result.

I don't know if it's a good thing to ask you since I don't know whether you can relate to it, but it's something I truly struggle with. For example, having pangs of jealousy when I see someone posting something I wanted to post myself but eventually don't share... And i don't know how to handle it, since all this is supposed to be enjoyable.

I don't know. Any two cents you may give me would be extremely appreciated!

Hey, bud! I don't think I count as having a big following now, although I used to on original windvexer (I deleted it a few years ago and remade it last year).

Some parts of it suck. The other day a guy replied to one of my posts like, "wow, you ever see someone so delusional that it makes you feel really good about yourself?" (almost immediately took it as a win; I'm someone good at making people feel better about themselves, can't help what form it takes).

Or that absolute pot of unsalted beans that said bless your heart to me. To ME. The audacity. (still not over it)

But you're right. It IS supposed to be enjoyable. None of us should be here unless at the end of the day we can say, "this activity (of being on tumblr) was an improvement on my day."

So, regarding the "ope, someone else posted it first" thing:

I'm not sure that matters. The nature of community is that we are influenced by each other by virtue of being near each other. It is normal, especially in witchblr, for someone to pop up and say, "Hey! such-and-such user made a post last week and I've been having a lot of thoughts about it, this inspired me to also talk about my own commentary."

Or, perhaps more commonly, "Hey! I'm trying so hard not to take over that other post - you all know the one I mean - so I'm making my own to share parallel thoughts w/o talking over other people."

If anything, seeing other people talk about the same thing feels validating to me that my thoughts aren't irrelevant. It makes me happy to see others talking about similar things because it makes me feel less alone! And I like that. And then I post my ideas about it.

It helps a lot to have a community of friends in private spaces to vent to about the bullshit, and to all support each other.

It helps a lot to be ready to examine your social interactions and have a game plan for dealing with trolls.

But, if it makes you feel better, compared to 2015 tumblr things are a lot nicer.

I think if sharing is important to you, then share for the joy of sharing. Personally I think it's kind of hard to get a lot of attention on witchblr unless you post a lot of a specific kind of content, and a lot of the organic stuff people want to share about their interests don't end up dredging up a lot of attention anyway. With respect to the brand-builders out there, you may find that just posting things you like doesn't end up risking all that much popularity.

Oh, and don't forget to take breaks.

[drivelikeaminister]

Commitment

It is said that a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step.  It is also said that the first step is often the hardest.  Both sayings are about walking or running - but generalizable to other areas of life:  Do you want to earn a PhD?  Start with the application process.  Looking to get married?  Begin by dating.  Get a job?  Update your resume.  Be in recovery from addiction?  Reach out for help... These are the first steps, not as huge as the final accomplishment, but still daunting on their own.

As a long distance runner I know the truth that every long distance begins with that first, hard, step.  There have been days when I am so committed that despite freezing rain, forgetting my running clothes, being on vacation and feeling tired didn’t stop me.  I’ve gone to a thrift store to buy pants, I’ve run in heavy work gloves, I’ve used butter (non-dairy) to make sure chaffing was not an issue, I’ve come home with icicles hanging on my eyelashes...

And, there have been days when one cloud in the sky was all that stopped me getting outside.  The weather is warm but not too hot, I am well rested, I have my chaff-free attire and lots of free time... but still one small item holds me back: that one cloud in the sky, the dishes I could start washing, the blog post I could compose instead...

Whether I overcome large adversity in that first step or am daunted by a small obstacle, it’s around the same activity - running.  Which means the only part which was different was my outlook, something internal.  What was it which made one day daunting and another achievable?  I’m guessing some combination of mental fatigue and/or emotional state of mind.  One thing I do know is that with practice it gets easier.  I am less daunted by small (or large) obstacles.  Practicing that “first, hard step” makes it just a bit easier the next time.

This translates to life outside of running.  I’m currently in a three-year (at minimum) credentialing process.  It took me a lot of energy to make the first step of reaching out and entering the undertaking.  After years of “sort of” searching I am currently looking forward to my second year of meaningful employment (at this great congregation).  Taking a first step with one long and daunting task can make other hard first steps more approachable.

What’s the takeaway?  The takeaway is to try out those first steps and different approaches which make them less hard.  Here are some ideas for any difficult, first step when starting a long process: - get a friend to join you (”Want to go to the gym with me?”) - if not join, ask someone to help keep you accountable (“I’m writing a book, can you check on me next week?”) - reward yourself (”If I send in 5 job applications I’ll watch a TV show.  10 and I earn a movie.”) - think about what has helped you in the past (”My last homework I wrote at a coffee shop, I”ll try that again.”) - take a break and come back later (”I’m spent.  I’m going out with friends and will get to this tomorrow.”)

When have you been daunted by that first step on a long road? What has helped you take a first, difficult step?

[freest-speech-whistlercrest]

I was one of the OG whistlercrest free speech blog owners, fun fact! And also a previous mod! Granted this was back in 2019 I feel like most of the group forgot who I am now. Or if they didn't forget they have a memory of me of when I was 19 and stupid. I don't actually know anything about what the group has been up to in the past 2 or 3 years but it does suck to hear it still warrants vent blogs popping up, I suppose that's gonna happen no matter what though, the curse of existing in a public space is that you WILL be criticized

Idk where I was going with that I'm just making conversation LOL I won't be providing any actual vent I don't think but now I am curious about the whistlercrest vent blog scene, and if there's any still recently active that I can get some cliffnotes of whas been going on recently since I guess a new plot or event started or something I'm always curious about what the people unafraid to go against the norm of "everything about this is perfect" mindset have to say

condensed both asks into one if that is okay

i will admit i have been out of the group for a while, but last i heard they finally released that third species and they've been relatively quiet since? saw one of the mods comment on a grimsby post complaining about their own criticism though, that made me laugh a bit

can't reveal too much about my experience with wc without outing myself, but yeah this is not only an outlet for you guys to vent but a way for me to receive news ;D

i can say what i remember abt one of the previous blogs - they were a lot more 'free' in terms of speech, which lead to a lot of death threats directed at a trio of former members, yourself included i believe. some people in that group are NASTY and it astounds me that they're allowed to stay honestly

[axvwriter]

Short Spelldrive disccussion

plus Twst Bobo book 2 draft/idea

Since the Spelldrive cards are coming out for the Japanese server, I’ve heard chatter about the discs. I did think they were bulkier than frisbees considering one knocks out the MC. I saw one blog say the discs are made of gold? People been saying it’s lucky all it did was knock out MC.

Though from what I recall, Grim accidentally threw the disc at MC while being real close to them. So to me my thinking is that he released too early so it didn’t have the full power and momentum of a proper throw? I don’t know physics so I’m uncertain.

I’ve been hit with a soccer ball to the stomach while within close range before. It hurt bad, but it didn’t leave a bruise. So with that little information and imagining a metal object being sent to the head, I could totally see it knocking someone out. Probably even doing more damage than that.

Though I do wonder why have the disc be gold and/or heavy at all? If Spelldrive is based off of american football, then the dangerous aspects should come more from the players ramming into each other along with the spells they throw. The disc itself shouldn’t also be a hazard?

If Spelldrive is a bit inspired by Quidditch from the Harry Potter series, then I understand the disc being a danger as well. Quidditch has literal balls that are meant to harm players. Messed up but I guess who cares about damage when there’s potions to regrow bones. Have a Bludger bash out your brains or be tackled so hard your body breaks… I find myself questioning american football considering we don’t have bone regrowing potions as far as I am aware.

So despite the dangers of Spelldrive, I assume the medical staff at NRC is able to handle anything. Though gosh I would hate being the MC forced to play Spelldrive. Like what can MC even do? Maybe throw the disc once if it’s not too heavy… it’s such a magic-heavy sport that all MC can surely do is just run beside the others? Call out warnings and openings, but still, I would like to participate more than feeling like a on field coach.

I also find it a bit disappointing that MC never bothers to ask to see the recordings of the other matches. I know it’s to keep MC from realizing who Hornton is, but we could have had some of the boys decide MC only gets to see certain matches? Like finding any match against Diasomnia to be embarrassing so no watching those?

Ehh, I’m not going to spend too much brain power to figure that out. I just know that such a spell-heavy sport must be so interesting to watch. Though maybe MC is a bit traumatized to the point they don’t want to think about the sport anytime soon. Or has been hit hard enough to forget the tournament was being recorded.

But this does give me an idea for Bobo. I’ve read the translations for the first two manga books and in those both Yuus were suggested to have basically died? Like one almost hit by a vehicle but ends up taken by the carriage to NRC.

So I have the idea that for Bobo splitting off of her canon timeline and into fan twst is where one battle her armor doesn’t activate. She suffers a head injury and blacks out. So upon waking in Twisted Wonderland, she’s quite confused. Was she really hit in the head? What’s going on?

Thus I think being hit in the head by the disc could be a bit of a repeat of her “death”. Heck I need to make some banners to help divide up my posts as I’m about to write a rough draft of what that scene could be like.

~~~

You slowly feel yourself becoming aware of the… nothingness. You must have been sleeping quite deeply. When was the last time you’ve had such a deep, vulnerable sleep? That was something you’d grant yourself within the safety of your home, when naps would no longer suffice. But this time you hadn’t granted such a privilege to yourself.

Aching. Your head is aching. Right, the last time such a deep sleep was forced upon you was when you were… when you were killed, right? But that doesn’t make sense. Those that die don’t wake up. Were you attacked? That lizard… it shouldn’t have been able to land such a painful, ringing blow.

Is your head ringing right now? No… focus… it’s… voices? Voices, which means you aren’t alone awaiting for that lizard to rightfully consume its prey. There’s no sound of fighting, so that must mean… you’re safe.

How did it hit you? Right, your armor never turned on. An impossible feature. It was impossible that defective armor pins were handed to you. Impossible that they weren’t charged. To let such a mistake happen would be a death sentence. Mistakes like that never happened.

Something must be terribly wrong. You have to wake up now! You need to know what went wrong! How could your armor fail?! How could you die?!

Something is touching you now. Something that isn’t human? It feels like fur. Are you not safe?! No no no no no no no No! Calm down, it must just be a bat. If it wasn’t, you’d be hurt by now. The voices wouldn’t be so low.

Where are you? You want to wake up, demand answers, you need to know it was only your armor that didn’t work. That only you died. Died… why do you keep thinking of that word? You’re clearly alive… Something is terribly wrong and you wont get answers sleeping like this!

[dramashii]

Drama Update

The truth is I have a million things to do. I feel like this semester is either going to end me or I will end it soon. But here I am actively looking for a new drama to binge rather than finding a proponent to fund my organization’s activities; here I am typing this thing rather than the speech I will be doing on Tuesday. It feels like I am deliberately sabotaging my future (Maybe I am.) But I was never good at making the right decisions. So, here we are today.

I’m currently watching 3 dramas. If you’ve scrolled down in my profile, you will find out that those 3 dramas are: Crash Course in Romance, Our Blooming Youth, and The Starry Love. The latter being my new obsession. It’s so funny, I swear. People should give it more hype. I don’t see much people posting about it on Tumblr. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s been great at making me forget my academic responsibilities (lmao). Although my week is jampacked with dramas (The Starry Love airs two episodes every day except on Fridays and Saturdays. I’m literally watching an episode every single day.), it still feels like it’s not enough. I need to be overwhelmed by the dramas I’m watching. I’ve read some where that reading a book in one sitting was like drinking one whole bottle of wine by yourself. I actually agree and I want to feel like that when I binge-watch a tv show.

I have made attempts. I was in episode 2 of a Thai Drama called My Forever Sunshine when I decided that I actually want to watch a fantasy Cdrama along side The Starry Love. That it is why I stumbled into the rabbit hole of Cdrama edits in Youtube. I ended up watching The Blue Whisper, but like the previous drama I mentioned, I only ended up in episode 2. It’s not bad but I just wasn’t in the mood. 

I was also thinking of finishing dramas, whose episodes I’d missed. Strangers Again ended last Thursday, but I still haven’t gotten around watching the last 8 episodes. I also haven’t finished The Interests of Love. Maybe I’ll get back to them soon or by the end of the year. 

I’m also eyeing on watching The Heavenly Idol and Taxi Driver Season 2 but I’m seriously not in the mood to watch something that’s not yet completed as of the time of writing. 

Right now I’m just craving for a cute romcom to turn my head off for a minute or for like 16 hours. I really really don’t want to face my responsibilities until tomorrow. 

Anyways, this is my drama update for now. Until next time!