#that kind of mindset can become toxic and harmful very easily

[signanothername]

Do you think that your take on nightmare could become a better person without becoming at least fully uncorrupted?

I like your take on uncorrupted nm but I was curious to ask because there’s not really much of Nightmare becoming a better person *whilst* still being corrupted?

Asking the real questions here >:)

Before I start this ramble however, I think it’s important to keep in mind that even while uncorrupted, Nightmare’s still a bitch, cause as I mentioned before, Nightmare wouldn’t suddenly get back to becoming a kind angel with a big heart, and it’s also important to keep in mind that if uncorrupted Nightmare got back to being powerful (even without the corruption in the mix) he’s extremely prone to (and would probably) get back to his old ways

Cause while the corruption has a great impact on Nightmare’s behavior and how he deals with his emotions, the corruption is less of the root cause and more of a participant in Nightmare’s awful behavior

The root cause of Nightmare’s awful behavior is extreme fear born out of trauma

The corruption already did its job a long time ago and shaped Nightmare as a person, it’s still Nightmare himself that’s in full control of his actions, he could at any point in time, make the right or wrong decision

With that in mind, could Nightmare be a better person whilst corrupted?

I’d say it’s kinda complicated, it’s both yes and no at the same time

Could he become a better person whilst corrupted?

Yes

Would he overall become a better person with better behavior? And with everyone?

No, unless there’s an actual driving force to motivate Nightmare to be a better person somewhat (which is absolutely possible ;) ), Nightmare would continue to be a bitch

Could he still get better at treating specific people that he deems worth his time? And only deems worth his time after specific interactions that made him believe so?

Yes

Corrupted or not, Nightmare isn’t incapable of becoming a better person, however there needs to be a reason for Nightmare to be so

Nightmare is a very “treat people how they treat you” kinda person, and while Nightmare is extremely toxic, abusive, and cruel, he’s also someone who stays true to his word and would treat who treats him with kindness the same, and Nightmare doesn’t easily believe in genuine kindness without a goal behind it, and so he’d insist on giving something back instead of accepting kindness for what it is

So if someone shows him genuine kindness, he’d also show genuine kindness (in his own twisted way) in “this is me paying my debt back” way, like, he’d “pay it back” by keeping the AU of the person who showed him kindness under his protection for a period of time, or let go of a debt they owe him, etc

I’ve mentioned before that Nightmare is capable of kindness, and I don’t mean in “paying someone’s kindness back” kinda way, but he can actually be kind in an active way where he thinks of doing something kind to someone else without it being a payback of sorts, and so Nightmare can still make a good decision and actually show it without any strings attached, and the truth is he does show it, very rarely, but he does (in the “a little life update” comic, Killer mentions how Nightmare managed to do one “good thing” at least ;) )

Nightmare just has a mindset that’s like “nobody was ever kind to me when i was the one who’s helpless/ defenseless, so why should I ever show anyone kindness now that I’m in power?” It’s an irrational mindset, but the thing is, no one can debate him on it considering it’s something he keeps to himself

For the outside world, Nightmare does what he does cause he’s a bitch and that’s it, not taking into consideration the fact he acts the way he does as a result of a harmful mindset he developed due to a life changing traumatic experience (obviously cause they don’t know)

And while his kindness is still pretty much apart of him, whenever he has certain thoughts of doing something good/ kind for someone, he just immediately stomps on it and tells himself that he’s being “irrational”, and yes, Nightmare thinks that being kind in a cruel world is “irrational”, he’s the opposite to Dream, who thinks that being kind in a cruel world is what true strength is

And y’know I kinda always talk about how much of a bitch Nightmare can be, but I never talk about the fact that, despite how bitchy he is, Nightmare can actually be sensible

In the right circumstances at the right times, Nightmare can actually be talked to without him being an absolute bitch

And that goes for almost everyone, MTT included

like Killer, Murder and Horror can actually talk to him without Nightmare immediately taking it as a chance to abuse them

But Nightmare is the kinda person that you need to tiptoe around sometimes, cause he has insane mood swings, so MTT have to check whether he’s in a good mood or a bad mood and based on that decide whether it’s a good idea to approach and talk to him or leave him alone and sometimes even go as far as make themselves as small and as unseen as possible as to not catch his attention

Building a good rapport with Nightmare is.. complicated, but possible

But the thing is, even if Nightmare became a better person, it’s better to keep your expectations a bit low, cause even if Nightmare took genuine steps towards becoming a better person i think his capacity for that is limited, like don’t expect him to become like Dream where he’d jump to saving someone in need, but he’d cut back on his abusive and toxic behavior

Basically, Nightmare would become a better person but in a passive rather than an active way where he’d stop hurting people himself, but would let other people do the hurting for him (and i mean in a natural way with how positivity and negativity works and not send someone to hurt another)

For example, let’s say the twins see an innocent someone get beaten in front of them, Dream would immediately jump in to save them, Nightmare wouldn’t, he’d watch with sadistic glee and it would even get a chuckle or two outta him as the poor soul is getting beaten all while he feeds on their misery and once he’d fed himself he’ll just leave (and that’s regardless whether he’s corrupted or not)

It’s cause Nightmare also has the mindset of “the strong devours the weak”, it’s the natural order of things to him, it’s not his fault that the world around him settles for the minimum is it? That’s why he’s obsessed with power and would do anything to obtain it, if Nightmare can ensure that he keeps that power by torturing innocent people then he’ll do it, all cause he’s paralyzed by the terror of the mere thought of becoming weak again

To Nightmare, weakness means a death sentence, and we all know how irrationally afraid Nightmare is of death

Despite his power, knowledge, and 500 year long experiences, Nightmare was and will always be a fearful child who claws at the world around him first so it wouldn’t have the courage to claw back at him (completely dismissing the fact that the world would claw back regardless >:) )

For Nightmare to become a better person he needs to face his greatest enemy, and that enemy was always his own self

[single-malt-scotch]

me and my controversial topics will stay under the cut lol.

i know i blabbed lightly of this probably but obviously one of the things that put me off from mcyt for a few years was when the "rpf is bad" opinion started circling the internet more frequently, in tumblr's 2014-2016 toxic callout culture era. i think that era shifted YT fandoms as a whole and turned loads of ppl to presenting creators with their "characters" specifically (like i recall this early on w markiplier and jacksepticeye) and clarifying it often. but i find this all very amusing when 80% of the ppl dont actually play characters at all, and ppl are either just writing "rpf" or theyre just turned a creator into their own OCs. i think its sometimes just a way to not associate with the idea of rpf even if its like, right there.

like, the problem i think is that the majority of fans, namely the young teens that are the main audience, are very consumed by purity culture and being free of problematic interests in such a black and white way. i get it, i understand why you dont want to be associated with rpf. when i think of weird and uncomfortable rpf i think of.... fan fiction of the Beatles, or something. a band or a movie actor is someone we can easily define as "not a character" but... when it comes to mcyt, its a little more grey, because i know some of them goof around in games and do bits and exaggerate themselves.

and yet i still think its counter productive to get caught up in these woes, and to deny what exactly it means for something to be rpf, or have rpf elements. ironically i think the indulgence people have with making them characters worsens the parasocial/obsessive/skewed lens people have on creators these days. how? well its bc of how ppl get super attached to characters... comfort characters, kinning, etc. i love characters just an intensely, but when you apply this to a youtuber who like, doesnt actually play a character? even tho you wanna act like they do? .....there can definitely be issues in that and its def what makes me not get into the fandom as it is. you elevate them with your view of them as a character by being able to indulge in them way further bc they are kind of "yours" now. but also theyre not really.

but specifically back to the rpf vs not rpf topic- basically what i really intend to say is that like. there is harm in becoming too concerned over what youre writing bc you can fall into that mindset of being far too aware in a way thats just gonna make you feel terrible all the time (i experienced this myself when i was like 15 on tumblr and wanted to avoid any potential of touching something "problematic"). this post isnt to declare you are writing rpf, or you arent, or whatever the"rules" are about when it is or isnt, but just that theres always time to just accept shit as it is when the blurry lines arent actually doing any harm in this case. and that even trying to force yourself into the seemingly right direction doesnt exactly solve all the other problems either.

cuz i did all the things ppl would wanna call me out for and i dont care at this point. i wrote fan fiction where the guys where more characters than themselves, in a fantasy world for the server. but i also wrote fan fiction that was irl and based during minecon! and it was smut. and all i can say to that now is...ok. im not even gonna sit around and vehemently condemn it either? even if i never plan to do it again. cuz i dont see the need to punish my past self, nor do i see the reason to continue questioning the nuances of where the line between hard rpf and hard fiction lies with this bc its a never ending conversation. its just not worth my time to worry anymore. i know how to not be weird about it, i know my boundaries between creator and fan, i dont even get near the extent that some people do... i feel like im aware enough to feel like im not causing harm/can make logical choices when issues arise. i was a niave teenager before, and wrote such things with little thought, and had a much less healthy mindset about it! but the way the internet laid on the pressure of these strict definitions was the moment i felt shame, and as if i couldnt ever redeem myself from actions i understand far better now. its really not worth the stress and heartache to get so caught up in it.

[cherriko-art]

Today when I saw my therapist I talked about why I was so hard on myself and put myself to such strict and high standards. I told her that when I let myself “relax” or “slip”, everything falls like dominos because I struggle so much with self-control and moderation.

So if I skip one class for a day because it was a difficult day for me, all of a sudden I won’t go to classes all week. One small slip and everything spins out of control.

I’ve struggled with this cycle over and over again so I’ve eventually learned to not give myself any room for possible failure by not letting myself slip up or get too comfortable. It’s not fair to myself but I don’t know any other way to find a balance.

Then my therapist said:

“But you said balance. You’re trying to find balance, right? Balance implies that there’s an equal amount. That means there needs to be both success AND failure. You’re telling me you’re struggling to find balance, but you can’t achieve it because only success isn’t balance. If you want balance, you need to allow room for failure, and be ok with it.”

And I just. I don’t know. I was absolutely mind blown at that. It sounds so simple and basic but this genuinely never occurred to me, that failure was ok. I struggled and pushed myself so hard to avoid failure at all costs. Every time I felt like I experienced failure, I would find a way to “fix” myself to avoid it for the future. Because it was always my own faults for my own shortcomings.

Everyone in my life has only ever told me, “It’s ok, you’ll do better next time. Next time it’ll be different, you know better now. We all learn from our mistakes”.

No one has ever told me, “You failed and that’s ok”.

[animeyanderelover]

How about M, R, T, Z for Kaneki, Haise and Ayato Kirishima?

(also, if it's not much, would ayato actually want a human s/o? He appears to hate humans a lot that's why I'm asking)

I think it is possible for Ayato to fall for a human s/o, though he obviously wouldn't want to admit his feelings and the way he'd interact with them would be quite rude and brash. It'd take time until he has somewhat begrudgingly accepted this. There are quite a few Yandere though, who would have a harder time accepting their feelings from many other Anime.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, overprotectiveness, clinginess, stalking, manipulation, guilt tripping, delusions, Yandere being rude, mentions of kidnapping, Yandere being violent

Yandere Alphabet

Ken Kaneki

Mask-Do they change their behavior after falling in love with their darling? Do they act differently around them than around others?

🔲Kaneki is a rather introverted and anti-social person, before and after he was turned into a half-ghoul. After becoming a ghoul however, his symptoms pretty much worsened up and he started avoiding society even more out of fear that he’d accidentally devour someone. Another change occurred after he was being tortured and snapped because that is when his awkwardness to interact with others and his fear to harm someone was being joined by a certain indifference and coldness where he had started accepting what he was and that the world was cold and unfair.

🔲He acts the same with you at first, though the kindness you show him still greatly flusters him and he appreciates it, enjoys it. In general kindness is a major trait his darling has to possess in order for him to start obsessing over them, but as soon as he falls, he plunges deeply into his darkness. His blank face starts being replaced by sparkling eyes that gaze warmly in your direction and there always seems to be a dust of pink on his face when you get too close. Basically he reverses back to how he used to be as a human around you, shy and easily flustered. This attitude is still only truly shown to you, this boy is still severely broken on the inside and since his priority is keeping you safe, he is more hostile towards others since he can view anyone as a threat. Paranoia does not help this problem either, it worsens it.

Race-How fast would it take for them to grow toxic feelings? How do they realize?

🔲As mentioned above, if you show him kindness, half is already done. Someone who shows him gentleness, a trait with which he was not treated ever since he entered a completely new world, can cause him to experience a pleasant warmth. Patience would be another thing, especially considering how mysterious and quiet Kaneki is, someone who can just sit in silence with him and not mind him not talking much would be greatly appreciated from him. It does take a bit since Kaneki is warily, being a half-ghoul he has learned that ghouls are not necessarily the worst monsters someone can encounter. There’s still no denial that once he gains a small crush and seeks out to see you more, his feelings have already started taking a wild spine.

🔲Being an intensely overprotective and paranoid Yandere, a desperate one on top of that, his emotions become very clear to him the moment his mind is filled with you and the horrific images that you might be attacked by a ghoul or a thief in this very moment without him being there to protect you. It’s this boy’s paranoia that leads him to starting to stalk after all and even if he’s partially aware that his feelings are wrong and kidnapping you will inflict fear upon you, he’s deluded himself at the same time into thinking that the world is a far too dangerous place.

Trauma-How would they act at their lowest and most neediest point or when they nearly lost their darling?

🔲Needy is a daily mood for Kaneki to be honest, especially after he has his darling freshly kidnapped. As I said, he possesses the knowledge that finding out that he’s your kidnapper who intends to keep you and about him being not human, you might freak out. If that is the case he’d be especially desperate because he wants to be accepted, although at the same time he still understands you which leads to a inner conflict that greatly affects his mood. Whether it’s intentional or not, Kaneki does end up guilt tripping s/o one or another way, especially when he latches on them as if they’re the last thing on earth and sobs and cries about how much he loves them and that even if he is a hideous creature, he only wants to protect them. It’s heartbreaking as much as it frightens darling.

🔲Good luck to whoever might have brought you in the situation where your life was in danger for a short moment because that is the death certificate for them. Kaneki will absolutely lash out and even if he’d never hurt you during such outbursts, everything in your surroundings will be trashed around in a violent manner. Not to mention that the loss of self-control is terrifying to watch, able to make a grownup man run away in pure fear. He yells his heart out, he sobs and cries until he’s partially calmed down, the point where his emotions come crushing down on you. If you’re hurt, he will have to seek out for help because even if he’s paranoid, he’s not as dumb as to think that if you were to be seriously wounded, he could help you properly. If that isn’t the case expect him to still obsessively check for every potential bruise and scratch. Freedom is cut short after this incident, Kaneki is far too horrified to risk the same thing and he’ll never really leave the s/o alone for god knows how long, instead he attaches himself to be permanently on their hip, flinching and instantly being on full alert as soon as he hears a noise that he can’t figure out.

Zero-What are things that always make them snap? What would they never allow their darling to do?

🔲Tell him that you hate him and believe him to be a monster and he has a mental breakdown. No matter how hard the white-haired boy tries to not take this too heavily, it always ends up being a brutal jab into his poor heart and the tears cascade shortly after. The fact that he believes that they’re right only worsens the pain to the point where his chest hurts and he can’t breathe properly. You might start to avoid saying this after witnessing it for the first time because this is not the worst of it, it turns truly out to be a scene of a horror movie the moment his desperate cries are mixed with broken laughter and he finally fully snaps, yelling with a broken and hurt voice at you how much he adores you and that he only wants to protect you.

🔲With that being said, Kaneki never outright forbids s/o to say mean things, he’s far more of a lenient Yandere and that is mainly because he’s lovesick as much as he adores them and worships them. Even if possessive, he wouldn’t even fully be outraged if darling were to date someone else before he takes them, even if it shattered his heart into pieces that stab him all over his heart and there is only that much time until he gets down on his knees. The thing this paranoid guy forbids you to do is being gone for too long without him being informed and right next to you. Dangers are, as known, everywhere as much as everyone could plan on doing something bad to you. Already being extremely concerned with letting you out alone at all, he freaks quickly out when it either takes too long or he does not know where you are at all.

Ayato Kirishima

Mask-Do they change their behavior after falling in love with their darling? Do they act differently around them than around others?

🌌Quite honestly, chances are that he never interacted with the darling differently until the point where he finally couldn’t hold it anymore and took them, a pathetic human. So there is no real way for you to measure how his behavior changed after he finally developed his obsession with you. Ayato is just incredibly rude, insults you and is even to a certain extend violent, he grands much more harshly then necessary and might even scream at you if he’s angered enough. There is just no way he can accept the fact that the person he loves is this meekly thing that he eats to live, the swirl of emotions he feels for you is confusing him and since he knows no other way to express his emotions, he just lashes out on you. It’s utterly unfair, but Ayato is that kind of Yandere who blames you for everything, especially his romantic emotions.

🌌He’s always been a rude guy, even to the people he’s closest with and if his darling had to compare, they’d come without a doubt to the realization that he is much more nice to his own sister or people he calls friends. Around s/o on the other hand, he’s just so incredibly often mean and almost always has to say something to hurt their self-esteem, otherwise he seems to not be able to fully handle this situation. Ayato never interacts much with you to begin with, most of the time he just says something mean only to leave afterwards, he doesn’t want to talk and I doubt you will have the guts to really sparkle a conversation out of fear to get on his bad side once again. A long period passes on after he’s somewhat digested the information that he loves you and that is the turning point where he starts attempting to get somewhat closer to you, though his temper is still a problem.

Race-How fast would it take for them to grow toxic feelings? How do they realize?

🌌Kaneki is a bit suspicious, Ayato on the other hand is truly just not ready to love a human at all. He hates humans pretty much, they took away his family and they blame his kind for all terrible things that happen, not to mention that they’re much too weak. You’re just another human he doesn’t like even if he does not know you and even if times were to be more peaceful, pretty sure that he’s anti-social himself. There is maybe something that caught his intrigue though, maybe your view on this world or something else. Whatever it was, it made him remember you, label you as stupid, clumsy or whatever. But you stay on his mind after, the first step. He has to continuously meet you though, otherwise he’ll never gain his obsession. You never fail to flabbergast him during all this time, maybe that ends up being his demise.

🌌Tells himself that he only thinks about you or what you said because it’s the dumbest shit he’s ever heard yet there is only that much time until realization hits him. Maybe the way he catches himself staring at you whilst he wasn’t concentrating or the way he felt a nasty emotion bubbling up inside of his stomach when you had fun with someone else. It’s infuriating, unacceptable for the boy and he decides to fully stop seeing you after brutally shutting you down for reasons unknown to you. A last attempt to convince himself that you’re not worth it, just the same as everyone else. His determination is fierce at first yet it falters quickly with time where you plague his mind more and more to the point where he wants to strangle you personally to free himself from this curse yet deep down he knows that he couldn’t do this.

Trauma-How do they act at their lowest and most neediest point or when they nearly lost their darling?

🌌Ayato does not want his s/o to see weakness in him, they’re weak whilst he is not. That’s at least what he wants to prove to them and secretly also to himself. That he’s the one in power here and could easily get rid of you if he would want to do this, but doesn’t since he kind of finds you interesting. Even if he would feel distress, he always snaps at you if you dare to ask him. He does not need your pity nor your comfort is what he tells himself and he always ignores the land of regret and longing after you’ve stormed away from him. Truly only see him allowing himself to be comforted by you after he begrudgingly accepted the truth, though initially the rejection is the same until he suddenly asks you to stay with him. Ends up forcing his darling to somehow cuddle him if they are too afraid to do so after some time as well.

🌌Violent and he will tear the culprit to shreds of what they used to be, spilling blood all over the place. He could honestly not care less whether he’ll traumatize you or not with this sight, all he cares about is letting his wrath out on this person and not at you for once. This does not mean that you’re safe from the last bits of his fury though, after he’s brought you safely somewhere, he will end up raising his voice against you as well. All sorts of insults leave his mouth, he yells how much of a moron you are for even getting in this situation and that if you weren’t just that useless, you wouldn’t need to rely on him. It’s different from his usual behavior though, you’ll notice from the way his voice is shaking, breaking completely at one point. He hates showing weakness so depending on how much he got used to you, he’ll either leaving you before he has a meltdown where he cries or ends up breaking down in front of you. Winds up watching more over you after that day and one way or another he will be nicer, less obvious if he still tries to reject his feelings though.

Zero-What are things that always make them snap? What would they never allow their darling to do?

🌌It’s tied within his rather mixed emotions about being in love with you, but Ayato can’t stand it if someone were to end up making fun of him for having feelings for a human. It does not really matter who it is, he always tends to snap as soon as someone starts this kind of talk with him and his reaction is screaming at best and attacking someone at worst. His pride takes a rather harsh blow by being reminded of this even if the other person meant it only as light teasing. With time he does learn to deal more accurately with it, but the fact stays that he hates it if someone ends up pushing his buttons by telling him his greatest weakness which is unfortunately you.

🌌Having a darling which rebels against him would be honestly the worst for him to deal with. If you’re someone who is afraid of him and calls him a monster is irritating and frustratingly annoying, maybe even a bit hurtful, but he wouldn’t end up lashing out as much if you’d just be too terrified to go against him. If you do, Ayato goes a bit more berserk himself. Fighting against him, attempting to escape him and trying to do about everything to get on his nerves ends fairly quickly bad because there is only that much that Ayato can handle with his already thin string of patience. He’s already not the best with handling normal arguments with his s/o as it is, now try to think what happens once they decide to be a ungrateful and exhausting pain in his life. Specifically insulting him by calling him weak can possibly end with many bruises depending on how much he’s mellowed out at that point.

Haise Sasaki

Mask-Do they change their behavior after falling in love with their darling? Do they act differently around them than around others?

🔳He’s significantly more friendly to s/o and doesn’t try to avoid them even before he falls in love with them. Even if Haise is still slightly more introverted and a bit of a shy guy, he interacts and socializes far more than Kaneki. Idle chats with him are something that is totally possible and he’s nice to his darling like he is to his comrades and friends. Once he finds out that he loves you, pointed out by his friends since he’s a bit oblivious, he starts wanting to get even closer to you. Once he finds out that he used to be Kaneki in his past, he gets scared that s/o might be scared of him since his old self still makes his presence known, especially when you’re near. Haise refuses to act anything like him though, he’s in the firm belief that he’s better suited to have a normal relationship with you and the better partner since he can actually have one with you.

🔳Not someone to be unfriendly to others, that is what differs Haise from his old personality Kaneki, it’s one of many things. He takes some sort of father role already for his squad and works daily with other persons so there is no reason for him to act any different after he’s in a relationship with his darling. He actually even introduced everyone he trusts and views as a friend to you at one point in the relationship, he can pretty much swoon over you sometimes in front of others. This guy wants his partner and his friends to get along, he’s never been someone to isolate the darling. Part of it really comes from his good nature, the other part comes from his stern refusal to not be anything like Kaneki.

Race-How fast would it take for them to grow toxic feelings? How do they realize?

🔳Haise is drawn pretty fast to his darling and it is really partially for the fact that his other personality Kaneki is not dead yet. No, he actually reacts when Haise senses you, though mostly he’s far too weak to break free. That is not something this guy realizes at first, although he does know that he enjoys your presence and seeing you laugh. An attraction that is unconsciously born from Kaneki’s feelings and memories soon turns into Haise’s very own obsession, even if you could technically say that Kaneki lit the fire. Yet with all these fussy feelings it takes Haise a long time until he actually starts noticing that he loves you, probably because he asked one of his co-workers since he was confused about these emotions inside of him. Whoever ended up being asked, they were probably astonished from his obliviousness.

🔳Realizing his own love for you is still only half of the way because he has yet to realize that he has someone else inside of him who wants to take control of him and save you from this wicked world. With Haise already knowing that his obsession is wrong, he also takes note of the dark whispers inside of his mind that tell him rather unnerving things. He’s shocked, confused, embarrassed and ashamed because he can’t believe that these are really his own thoughts. Until he finds out that they are in fact not, but belong to the boy who was in control of this body before him. Potentially he found out through the darling and a bit of investigation and that’s when he’s more disgusted by his old personality, swearing to never let him out again and be a better man and lover for you.

Trauma-How do they act at their lowest and most neediest point or when they nearly lost their darling?

🔳Having to play tug of war with Kaneki sometimes is still a thing that happens, this boy is not dead and he certainly won’t die now that he’s found the s/o again. Such times are just plainly exhausting and Haise himself tends to get confused when the borderline between him and Kaneki gets blurry and he can’t tell anymore which are his own thoughts and feelings and which are not. With him being creeped out by Kaneki and finding out that he used to do horrible things to you in the past, he wants to do better. But his confidence tends to crumble and especially after those moments where for a moment he could not find out who he is, he needed darling’s comforting words and soothing touches. Turns low-key a bit clingy during such moments, though he somehow tries to not be too overbearing.

🔳Now here I feel like if Haise had ever to witness with his own eyes how his darling is in grave danger, in the worst case scenario even hurt, he and Kaneki somehow blur completely together so that it becomes completely unclear who is currently in control of this body. He can deal threats and calm warnings, witnessing it himself is something completely different and his protective side is pushed to it’s brink. Kaneki’s paranoid side suddenly shows itself again alongside with his violence, the only difference is that Haise still tries to gain full control again which reduces the potential damage. He does try to act as the cooler person, but even he can not fully suppress his fear and the lingering paranoia afterwards, his eyes seem to trail everywhere where you go, his protective side might lead him to asking someone from his team to accompany you and he becomes a bit of a mother hen. He’s not forcing you to sit down and let him do anything like Kaneki would do, but he’s quite persistent.

Zero-What are things that always make them snap? What would they never allow their darling to do?

🔳Being compared to Kaneki and seen as a villain or just as much of an horrifying guy as he used to be. This boy is far more of a self-controlled person even if certain triggers can lead him to snapping and getting entangled with his other personality. But otherwise Sasaki is pretty chill, quiet, a good listener and considerate of others. It’s not that easy to push his wrong buttons, he has patience. But if there is one thing, that is not harming you or you wanting to leave him, it’s if you were to not think of him as any better than Kaneki or not being able to live him because you loved Kaneki. Haise has far less understanding for Kaneki, what that boy did goes not well with his sense of moral and that is why he at first fully understands your fear. But with time he starts feeling desperate because at this point he believes that he should have proven that he’s not like Kaneki, that he’s better than him. He’s not truly desperate up until that point where he simply gets overwhelmed by his frustration. Yet at the same damn time he can sympathize and understand your fear so much which only irritates him more.

🔳Understandably enough this is probably the same thing he does not wish his darling to do. Mentioning or talking about Kaneki. There are truly not many restrictions Haise has for you, but this is one thing he gets uncomfortable with and you should know why. Hearing about what Kaneki did fills him with burning embarrassment and shame and only makes him understand once again why you might still freak out when you see him. He wants to leave the past behind though and start completely new with you now that he has as Haise the chance to do so. On top of that he is worried that by continuously talking about Kaneki, his slumbering old personality within him might get even more greedy to see you again than he is already, sometimes he gets a literal headache from it.

[girlmeetsliv3]

Prince of Nothing IV

~ Part Four of Five ~

Release Date: December 19,2020 @ 12 p.m. (GMT-4)

Word Count: 18K

Jeon Jungkook was the prince of everything except for you…

Jeon Jungkook was the prince of everything: heaven, hell, and everything in between. His family was an enigma who came to power under mysterious circumstances and had managed to retain hold over the kingdom for centuries - even if no one knew how. There was one thing that Jungkook wanted though, something that could never be his: you. A nobody. A girl with no title. No land. Just money and a pure soul to your name. Jeon Jungkook would’ve never spared a look your way, had that incident not occurred. Now you find yourself the target of his affection and the most hated woman in all the land. Which will kill you first?

Trigger Warning: The following story contains mentions of manipulation, abuse, and vivid, as well as implied, descriptions of abusive acts. The behavior and mindset of the characters in this will be incredibly yandere and toxic. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~

“No.”

           YN’s eyes widen in shock before she tries to cover it up. “No?” What do you mean no? YN was so certain that Jungkook wouldn’t hesitate to jump at the chance - proving her point.

           Jungkook’s hands trailed up the side of her body, fingers gently dancing across her torso until they reached her neck where they settled on either side of her neck. The tense skin was massaged with such efficacy that YN couldn’t help the way her eyes rolled back. He observed this reaction with a smile on his face, then tentatively his lips brushed hers. From where his hands were placed, he could feel the racing of her heart. He could feel how the blood rushed through the veins - his blood, what little of it she had swallowed making its way home. Their kiss, if it could count as that, lasted only a few moments. Yet it was enough for Jungkook.

           “No, I won’t sleep with you.”

           In a second all hope leaves YN, if she couldn’t distract Jungkook with sex if it wasn’t truly all he wanted then what? Seeing her downtrodden expression Jungkook chuckled then he pulled YN in closer, hands sliding down towards the back of her dress. “I won’t sleep with you darling, but I will make love to you and fuck you if that’s what you want.” Before his words could even sink in, Jungkook used his strength to rip her dress open. Exposing all but her chest which lay pressed against the prince’s.

           “Your wager?” YN asked again, unwilling to let him have the upper hand. Not when so much was on the line.

           Jungkook chuckled, “Oh darling, how you never fail to amaze me.” Seeing her stone cold expression he acquiesced. “If I win you’ll be the mother of my child.” Aware of what would follow, Jungkook crashed his lips onto YN’s soft plump ones, not giving her a chance to change her opinion. What followed suit would cement their unspoken future and cause great suffering to many.

           “The prince?” Soojin’s lips were puckered, chin wrinkling in the way a child’s might when tasting something sour. The maids around her stood perfectly still barely breathing, they were too familiar with the expression on the princess’ face. Having been by her side for longer than she could remember they could recognize the pouty lips, furrowed brows, hooded eyes, and the pulsing vein in her temple. It signified a tantrum was incoming - surely to be the worst they had suffered as of yet. “Well?!” Soojin’s voice raised almost into a shrill. The typically refined Soojin had lost all of her demeanor in the past couple of days. Though the bruising around her neck had faded, the one around her heart had not and the ugly scarring it would leave was sure to affect not only her but everyone around her.

           Finally one of the maids stepped forward, bowing deeply demonstrating her submissiveness to the lioness in front of her. As if that ever spared prey from being eaten. “My apologies, my lady. The prince is still not out.”

           The scream that tore out of Soojin was guttural in nature, More like a growl than anything else. Though the tantrum lasted quite a while very few of the staff were harmed, and at that very minimally, the same could not be said for the princess’ chambers which were left in such shambles the entirety of the furniture had to be discarded. Yet it was not the thousands of dollars lost, nor the raging Seo striding down the hall that was to be a concern but rather her destination: the prince’s chambers - YN YLN inside them.

           Nothing spreads quicker than gossip in the palace and no one moves faster than the help, so Soojin wasn’t surprised to arrive at Jungkook’s door and see the usually present guards absent. They too would’ve been informed she was heading there and likely wanted to avoid facing the lionesses wrath. The heavy african blackwood doors had the Jeon sigils engrained in it - making it obvious who resided inside. Normally it would’ve taken a lot of effort to even open the door, it took two extremely muscular men to open it. Though in her rage, it only took a slight push from Soojin for them to slam open.

           Soojin expected a lot upon entering: to find her lover and his mistress entangled in the sheets putting on a show for anyone. Clothes scattered all around, champagne bottles, and wicked smiles placed on both their faces to taunt her. Instead the room was pristinely clean, bed made, and Jungkook was buttoning his shirt. “Can I help you with anything?” He asked, voice with a hint of roughness to it. They way it typically did after he had sex. The only thing that gave away his infidelity was the unkemptness of his hair and the slightest hint of a bruise around his neck. Soojin scoffs, incredulously that he would do this to her after everything - after all his promises.

           “Four days...I haven’t seen you in four fucking days!” Soojin no longer cared for maintaining appearances in front of Jungkook. Clearly he held no care for them.

           Jungkook sighed, leaning on the bed to put on his boots and tie them. “Frankly I don’t see what you’re so upset about. What I do with my lover has nothing to do with you.”

           “Your lover,” Soojin couldn’t help the sardonic smile that broke out on her face. “Have you no shame?! Parading your whore around in front of everyone while I look like a fool.”

           “You looking like a fool has nothing to do with me.” He chuckled, the vase Soojin threw his way was easily caught by Jungkook. The prince gently placed it beside him on the soft bed.

           Soojin’s chest began to rise and fall rapidly, she could feel the rage growing inside her. If Jungkook was ice then she was fire. It was just like when she was younger - the fire would grow and spread consuming everything that stood in its path. In this instance, an insolent little girl who sought herself better than a princess queen. “I won’t be held responsible for the consequences that befall YN due to your reckless actions.” At that the prince stilled, the air in the room suddenly becoming frigid as goosebumps rose on Soojin’s skin.

           “And I won’t be held responsible for the consequences that befall you if anything were to happen to YN.”

             “So you see your majesty, it would be reckless to allow this liaison to continue. Though I understand the prince has needs and would never dare interfere in his private affairs, this isn’t just about him. It’s about the needs of the crown.” Soojin despised king Jeon the II, she found the old man unnerving. Everytime his coal black eyes met hers, she felt the king saw through every facade and deep inside her soul. She assumed that is what had allowed him to maintain power even when his commanders, alliances, and sanity slipped his hands. Jeon exuded power, but his was strong and sturdy like a stone. His son’s power though was like water: constant, changing, tranquil, and tempestuous. Even hard stone was no match for the power of the sea. Everyone was aware of it, even the king in his fleeting reason, knew the time for a shift was rapidly approaching. Soojin couldn’t wait to get rid of the old haggard. To get rid of his lingering glances. Still she knew when to play her cards right, the only person to force Jungkook to submit would be his dear old dad.

           “You are right my child. Jungkook is far too reckless to take a Kim for a whore. It's enough that I allow one Kim to remain in my court - but two and the people may believe I am beginning to slip.” His voice was harsh, the laugh sounding more like a croak. The kind an old toad might make.

Soojin had to resist the urge to grimace, “Nonsense your majesty. No one would ever believe that. Everyone is aware that your reign is far from its end.” Which is exactly why once YN was out of her way, Soojin would make sure to get rid of him. She could hardly be queen if her husband wasn’t on the throne. The king may be the head, but everyone knows the queen is the neck.

           “Oh my darling, I am well aware that you have always been on the side of the crown unlike many others that would use it for their own interests. Not to worry, I will make my son see reason. If he doesn’t well -”

           “I am sure he will sire. Jungkook cares for you very much and he would never disobey his father.” Soojin wondered how much venom she could spill into the world before she eventually poisoned herself. She consoled herself by remembering that she was surrounded by vipers ready to strike. No mamba can compare to the jaw of a lion. Unbeknownst to Seo Soojin, the Jeon’s were no ordinary snakes and unlike lions who massacred their preys before eating them snakes consumed their prey alive.

           “Very well.” King Jeon turned around waving over a guard, “Call my son, it is time we have a talk.” Before turning back to Soojin before him, “You are excused my child, take care of yourself.”

           “Of course your majesty, take care of yourself.”

           “Have you heard?”

           “It is the talk of the whole castle.”

           “Well do you think he’ll actually do it?”

           “He would be a fool not to, plus it isn’t like he has a choice.”

           “He’s the prince of the nation. Of course he has a choice.”

           “Not against the king he doesn’t.”

           Sana turned around, wet rag in her hand as she whipped it towards the two gossiping maids who screeched at the possibility of their garments being ruined by the dirty water. “What are the two of you yapping about?!” Sana had simply been trying to salvage what was left of YN’s garments that had been ripped to shreds by the prince. Not that it mattered, Jungkook would probably buy her even nicer dresses and it wasn’t like YN had asked her to. She had seemed so disgusted when she walked back into her rooms. Heading straight for the shower and barely even sparing Sana a glance. Not that she cared, the less she had to interact with the mistress, the better in Sana’s head. Still, appearances must be kept up for the sake of the prince. So she gritted her teeth and cheerfully declared that she would wash her clothes.

           “Wouldn’t you like to know Sana? Probably run back to your lady and tell her everything.” Irene sneered, smoothing down the front of her dress and fixing her strawberry blonde hair.

           “Please what good would that do me?” The bitch deserves everything that’s coming to her. YN had explained her side of the story to Sana long ago, but she saw through the innocent facade she played. Why would the prince ever be interested in a stupid commoner like her when he had every woman at his fingertips? No. She had seduced him, even if YN may never admit it. Sana knew she was a wolf in sheep's clothing - just like her.

           “Because without someone to report on, you’ll lose the prince’s favoritism. Or do you actually believe he cares for you?!” Irene laughed and the other maids around her began to laugh too. Sana rolled her eyes, returning to the soapy water in front of her.

           “I’m no fool. I use him just as he uses me.” But her tone wavered towards the end, which only caused others to chuckle beside her. It wasn’t until one of the girls beside her took pity and told her what was happening.

           “The prince and princess Soojin are to be wed in seven days' time.”

           YN had been pretty much left to her own devices after spending several days and nights locked up in Jungkook’s bedroom. YN wished she could say the whole experience had been unpleasant, but the disgust she felt was more towards herself than the prince. She had enjoyed it deeply - every single part of it - though she would never admit it to anyone. Not even herself. So YN bathed herself multiple times that day, scrubbing her skin until parts of it bled, then she nearly tore off her hair for every time she saw it all she could imagine was Jungkook’s hands tangled in it. Every time she viewed her hands, all she could remember was how they would entangle together. Her lips were dry and swollen from all the kissing and sucking the prince had imparted on them. YN had never felt more like a whore - never felt more like a toy. In a move that was meant to give her power over the prince, all she had done during their trysts was find herself thinking what if? What if we had met in another time? Different circumstances? Could I love him? Could he be different? What if he changed? Is he capable of change? Would I love him if he did?

           It was those thoughts that plagued YN deeply hours after she returned and she sat still in her bed. Vito curled resting on her decolletage as she envisioned a different world where Jungkook was kinder, where he hadn’t caused her so much pain. Where they had met the way one should. He would have met her brother, introduced himself and promised to care for her, Jungkook could have been perfect. YN found herself getting lost in that what if, until reality came tumbling through her door.

“I’ll fucking kill her!” The door to the bedroom had been slammed open so harshly, the entire room had shaken slightly. It had frightened Vito so much he raised defensively and even YN had been ripped away from her daydreams. Jungkook was livid pacing back and forth as Morte was coiled around his arm, perfectly still despite her master shaking violently. YN had only ever seen him like this once and even then, there hadn’t been a murderous gleam in his eyes. YN cautiously slipped down the bed, her bare feet landing on the carpet. The second she was on the ground, Jungkook swept her into his arms leaving barely any space among them. YN had no choice, but to push her palms against his chest trying to leave some space between them.

Jungkook’s arms tightened around her torso, as YN resisted, eventually Morte unwrapped herself from his arms and formed a link with Vito around both their necks. Tying them together in more ways then one. “Who are you going to kill?” YN knew, Sana had mentioned it when she had brought her clothes back up. YN hadn’t paid much attention, even in her dally she was aware the Jungkook of her dreams and the one in front of her were two distinct beings. Though a part of her longed for the other Jungkook - she wanted this one gone from her life. Jungkook leaned his head close to hers, their lips brushing and it took all of YN’s willpower not to grimace.

“My wife.”

“You can’t. You promised me you would marry her, you promised the king there’s no going back on your word.”

Jungkook chuckled, “I can’t very well marry a corpse can I? Plus, I already have a queen.”

YN shook her head, “You can’t get out of this. I only promised I’d carry your child, not that I would be your queen.”

“You don’t have a choice in this, my darling.” Jungkook smiled, his teeth snagging and softly pulling YN’s bottom one. In his eyes, YN could see the lust pooling and she found herself amazed at how quick his mood could shift.

“I would rather join my brother than wear the crown on my head.” YN whispered harshly, as her palms kept pushing against Jungkook’s torso.

“That’s funny considering your brother doesn’t have a head.” The prince’s cruel words cut straight through YN’s soul. Instantly she was brought back to the rain, her brother’s beaten body, the lifeless eyes that peered at her as his body hung from the gallows. “Oh didn’t you know. I had his head removed and stored in a box, it is my most prized possession. If it wasn’t for him, you and I would’ve never met.” All the fight left YN’s body instantly, if not for Jungkook’s arms around her, she would’ve crumbled to the ground. “I really should give him a proper burial as a thanks. Oh well, there isn’t really much left to bury anyway.” The king Jungkook faded from her memory, until all that remained was the cruel beast in front of her. He seemed to take glee in her soulless eyes for he kissed her with such frenzy that could only be imparted by the happiest of people. Meanwhile YN could feel herself fading, her last remnant of hope being extinguished.

After a while of no response the prince finally seemed to notice that state of his beloved. “YN?” His hands grabbed a hold of her cheeks and forced her to look at him, only she didn’t. Though their eyes met Jungkook knew that she wasn’t viewing him, her mind in a far away place. “YN.” His grip tightened on her, as he hoped the pain would cause any sort of reaction from her. Even if it meant she would recoil, scream, hit him, it was better than having her empty gaze pierce into him. “Answer me YN!” His fingers were digging deeply into her cheekbones, his nails leaving indents into her face. Jungkook knew he was hurting her, but he didn’t care. React damn it! Do something! Finally someone did. Vito uncoiled himself and struck Jungkook’s hand, digging his fangs deeply into the prince’s palm. It shocked him so much, he jumped away letting go of YN completely. YN fell to her feet and fell back onto the bed, she had yet to react but Vito had placed himself on his owner’s neck, hissing and ready to strike once more.

Jungkook was in such shock, he didn’t even consider the fact that the snake had attacked him. Didn’t even think about commanding Morte to reproach. Instead he cradled his hand and looked at YN in a mixture of shock and fear. The way a child would when they had just broken their favorite toy. “I-I’m -” but he couldn’t even bring himself to say the words. He wouldn’t mean them because he truly wasn’t sorry. Jungkook only regretted having gone too far and hurting YN in a way which might be irreparable. Instead of attempting to make amends, Jungkook took a deep breath and turned around leaving YN truly alone for the first time since they’d crossed paths. As he closed the bedroom doors, he waved the guards away stating the “lady needed some time alone to herself.” Certain that when he returned in the morning, YN would be back to her usual self. She had to be.

The sun would set and rise three times before YN spoke again.

On the dawn of Wednesday morning, Sana knocked on the bedroom door bringing with her a plate of food which would be left uneaten like the others before. She didn’t know what exactly had caused her mistress to regress to such a state, but figured the news of the wedding must have done so. Her heart filled with bitter jealousy at the thought, but she coaxed another perfect smile on her face. “My lady, pardon the intrusion but I have brought you food and news from the crown.” YN didn’t really acknowledge Sana’s presence, only Vito seemed to be aware of her. His red beady eyes glaring at her as his tongue sniffed the air, as if entirely sentient the snake moved its head towards the bedside table. Tentatively Sana placed the platter there before, smoothing over the front of her dress.

“The King has requested an audience in private with you, my lady.” Sana glanced over, YN had been bathed and dressed every day at the prince’s insistence much to the maid’s annoyance. Particularly because YN didn’t seem to react no matter what she was subjected to: on various occasions Sana had ‘accidentally’ placed the water too hot only to make it too cold in an attempt to find warmth. She had tugged her hair too harshly, pinched her skin whilst dressing her, and even stepped on her. Yet YN had not so much as flinched, the woman finding herself in a deep dissociative state. The only indication of reasoning Sana could see was Vito that in the past couple of days had become far more active. Hissing and bearing his fangs everytime Sana imposed any type of miniscule harm on his owner.

She must be a witch. Probably enchanted the prince as well. Sana casts a glance towards the book laying upon the vanity: the black and red book taunting her. Perhaps the book offered some insight into her, Sana had never seen such a book in her life but it looked too opulent to begin to someone as poor as YN. It could be a gift from the prince. That only infuriated her more, all Sana ever received was pats on the back and harsh love making only to be tossed aside the second he had satisfied himself.

“We must get you ready, my lady. The king must not be kept waiting.”

YN had only entered the throne room on two other instances, both signifying further entrapment, but they had been at the hands of Jungkook and Soojin. Perhaps this would go differently, though something deep inside warned her that this meeting with King Jeon wasn’t a cause for celebration. Not when he had been plotting on murdering his son and accusing her. Not when she was technically his son’s mistress and the cause of all the turmoil in court. When she entered, the King laid sitting on his throne. It stood out harshly compared to the rest of the room, being made from a rare gemstone that seemed to absorb all the light in the room. The crown perched upon his head was dark in nature too, making it all too obvious that he was the dominant one in this conversation.

“Welcome, I’ve heard a lot about you Kim YN.” King Jeon stared down at the girl before him, trying to assess who she was, what she wanted, and how he could best use her to his needs.

Bowing deeply YN spoke, her voice soft yet clear. “You summoned me, your majesty?” There was a slight tremble in her hands she tried to hide by gripping her skirt tightly.

“Ah I did. There is something I wished to speak to you about.” The King waved his hand, indicating she could rise and YN did, slowly, as to demonstrate she was no threat.

“Yes sire?” If speaking to the prince was like walking on eggshells, then speaking to Jeon was walking on the edge of an active volcano. One which could go off at any second.

“I want you to murder my son.” The King’s voice was clear, no stutter whatsoever as if he were commenting on the weather and not the assassination of his own kin.

YN struggled to speak, unsure of how to react. She was a cornered prey, with no possible way of escape. “I-I’m sorry your majesty. I d-don’t understand.” YN couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, all the stories she’d heard as a child coming back to her. How the King was cold and callous but his eyes were even colder. Dark black pools that would make the devil shiver, yet so clear they reflected whoever he was staring at - reflected their true intentions.

“Look at me Kim.”

YN obeyed, but he was too far away for her to make out the exact color of his eyes. Even then, it was quite difficult to see with the tears threatening to spill.

“You know what you must do, yes? Or what the consequences will be…”

As YN stared at him, all she could see was a cruel man that would do anything to remain in power, even spill the blood of his own son. The apple never falls far from the tree. The King’s hand tightened around the seat and YN was certain that in the next few moments he would force her to agree to     something she could never envision herself doing. Even if he was the object of her loathing and tormentor - YN could never kill Jungkook. She had to cling to the last bit of her soul that still remained.

Please someone save me.

A harsh knock was heard and the doors opened to Kim Namjoon. “Pardon the intrusion, your highness. You asked me to inform you if anything happened in the outer lands.” YN almost cried tears of joy upon being interrupted, it could have even been Jungkook and she would’ve thanked him. “Ah yes, you’re dismissed.” The King waved her away as of nothing and YN couldn’t be more glad to have his eyes off her. She bowed deeply once more before hurrying out the door, managing not to break down until the doors behind her were entirely closed.

YN didn’t know how long she spent there sat on the floor as tears streamed down her face. It wasn’t until the door creaked open once more that she wiped her face and stood up rapidly. In her haste, she stumbled somewhat but was steadied by a hand grabbing hers. “Pardon my lady.” Namjoon’s smile was soft, reassuring and YN couldn’t help reciprocating it. “Nonsense, my lord.”

           Namjoon’s other hand came to lay upon hers, encapsulating hers in a warmth YN hadn’t felt in a long time. “Have you had time to read the novel?” His brow raised inquisitively.

           “I must admit I haven’t. Things have been busy as of late.”

           His chestnut eyes were warm, “I can relate. The castle has been in such a hectic state the gardens have been left unattended.”

           Now YN was left to be confused, “Pardon?”

           Namjoon looked around as if to ensure no one was listening in, he looked so childlike at that moment YN couldn’t help but giggle. “Well, they’ve not taken care of their blossoming flower.”

           YN rolled her eyes though the smile, and the rosey dust that spread across her cheeks revealed her true feelings, “Do you have a tendency to be so brazen, my lord?”

           “Hm,” his fingers tapped gently on her hand. “Only when with an intriguing companion, my lady. Only then.”

           “I don’t see anyone like that around here.” YN stated as she casted a glance around, in the corner of her eye she caught sight of a figure lingering behind a column but they quickly vanished.

           “You must give yourself more credit my lady. Though you are right, you aren’t intriguing as of yet only queer.” It was the shift in his tone that brought YN’s attention back towards him.

           “Oh? When shall I be intriguing then?” She tilted her head coyly.

           “After you blossom of course.”  Namjoon seemed so serious, all humour vanishing from his tone. “Though whether you will be a lily or an ivy has yet to be determined.”

           “It is entirely possible I will be both.”

           “Ah, that is true.”

           The two of them simply stared at each other, before distant voices could be heard echoing through the halls. Namjoon raised her palm towards his lips, placing a tender kiss. “Excuse me, my lady. I must be going.” YN nodded before allowing Lord Kim to walk away as his words and warmth lingered with her far into the night.

           “What’s this?” Jungkook looked at the large book in Sana’s chipped hands, he never understood why she manicured them considering they would only get ruined. Still it was better than the old weathered hands most maids had, hers were soft yet bony. They lacked the thinness yet sharpness of Soojin’s but didn’t possess the roundness and frailty of YN’s. “It is lady YN’s.” Sana hated attaching the prefix. It put YN above her, yet the last time she hadn’t the prince had severely punished her. It was as Jungkook’s hands traced the letters in the front cover that he identified what was written: The Golden Ones. A sinister smile spread across his lips, perhaps I should give YN more credit. “And how exactly did lady YN come to possess such a book?” His mouth twisted, full of mirth. It was the exact same as Jungkook’s copy. Ironic that he had spent his entire life searching for it only to have been right under his nose the whole time. Perhaps assigning Sana to be a double-agent hadn’t been such a waste of time after all.

           “Lord Kim Namjoon gave it to her as a present.”

           “Did he?!” Jungkook tried to hide his disdain, though the imprint of his fingerprints was left on the wood of his desk from gripping it too harshly. Placating his growing vexation, the prince smiled. “Very well Sana. You’ve done well.” The pat he placed on her head was patronizing - it was meant to be. People like Sana only obeyed if they thought it would prove how useful they were. So long as Jungkook fed her scraps of affection and not a full course meal, she would keep coming back. “Is that all?” She asked, before quickly following it up with. “Have I not satisfied you, your highness?”

Jungkook nodded, “Oh yes. But a story book is hardly evidence.” He let his fingers tap against the wood rhythmically as if in deep thought. “I need something concrete that proves your theory.”

Sana’s smile was forced, but she nodded and bowed nonetheless head touching the ground. “Of course, I shall deliver you concrete evidence of lady YN’s betrayal.”

      “You’re being reckless Namjoon. There is no point in pursuing the girl.” Seokjin rested his head against the cherry desk. It was old yet prominent standing as the centerpiece in their strategy room. Namjoon casted a glance at the people beyond the manor walls, those rallying in clear protest against the Jeon’s and their rule. They remained both aware and unaware of his existence. Even if they were to peer at him directly, they wouldn’t be able to recognize him. Namjoon wasn’t entirely sure they could recognize Seokjin, and he was the entire face of their operation. “It would be reckless not to pursue the girl.” He refuted as he let the curtain fall back into its rightful place, walking towards Seokjin and massaging the back of his neck. Seokjin groaned, swatting Namjoon’s attempts to distract him away. This was not a matter Seokjin would simply be dissuaded on.

“There must be a reason why Jeon is so willing to risk everything for her.”

Seokjin laughed incredulously, “When has madness ever made sense?” Seokjin simply couldn’t see what the big deal was. “She is nothing but a poor child that got caught up with the Jeon’s. She’ll probably be made to bear an heir and be tossed aside like all the Jeon women are.”

Namjoon shook his head, “No, Jin. It isn’t like that. She isn’t a pawn, Jungkook is planning on making her his queen. A king is nothing without a powerful queen.” Everyone knew it. It was the reason why the Jeon empire was failing. It was the reason why Seokjin’s claim to the throne didn’t stand a chance. As Namjoon’s father had always said: men are trees but women are seeds. If Namjoon was correct about YN, then she was the final piece needed to guarantee them a checkmate. If not, win the whole game.

Namjoon had to be smart though, for if the prince caught wind of his plan it would all be over.

On the evening of Thursday, just three days until the wedding between Prince Jeon Jungkook and Princess Seo Soojin, YN laid sleeping peacefully in her bed. It was a calm evening, barely a breeze could be felt in the night sky. It was also unnaturally warm, so much so Sana had suggested to her mistress, cracking the balcony doors and windows open. But YN politely refused, afraid something would crawl in or she would grow cold. Her sleep was pleasant, it was the first time in a long time YN was not plagued by nightmares filled with her brother’s lifeless body or Jungkook’s mental games created just to  torture her. She was resting comfortably, until a slight creak caused Vito beside her to rise from his slumber and hiss suddenly. When YN’s eyes shot open, she saw two masked figures staring at her.

Her screams were quickly muffled as a cloth was forced into her throat and her body was grabbed by the two men. YN struggled against them, limbs flailing in an attempt to land any sort of blow on them. Vito too sprang to her aid, but was grabbed and thrown against the head board. Unwillingly YN was lifted and dragged off the bed. She managed to wretch an arm free and attempted  to grab onto the sheets - onto Vito - but the snake was too far away and the men were far too strong. Capturing her in their grip once again, they managed to pull her into the bathroom where YN saw that bathtub full of water, finally understanding what was happening. YN fought like never before: kicking, scratching, she even managed to get the gag out of her mouth and began biting them. If the grunts of the men were anything to go by - and the harsh way one of them yanked her hair - she had inflicted some pain on them.

“Please! Help! Someone! He -” As if she weighed nothing, YN was grabbed and dumped into the ceramic tub. Her head knocked harshly against the back and YN felt something warm trailing down her head, as she gazed up dizzily. “Please, y-you d-don’t have t-to d-do t-this.” YN begged and pleaded, tried to reason with them but they wouldn’t listen. After everything she had endured, it couldn’t end like this. After all her suffering as a child, the loss of her parents, her brother, everything she ever held true. It couldn’t possibly end like this. I don’t want to die.

Strong arms grabbed a hold on her head, pushing it under the water. YN tried to hold her breath for as long as she could, trying to get her body to calm down so as to not consume more oxygen than necessary. Even then the seconds ticked on, YN could feel her chest begin to tighten the pressure beginning to mount the second she was about to breathe in water. YN was wretched out of the water, allowed to breathe only to be shoved in once again. With little air now, YN began to panic. Eyes anxiously looking around for anything to grasp onto. Anything that would serve as a life jacket - there was nothing. Her captors moved the moonlight now reflecting their golden armor.

YN was retched upwards one final time before being plunged back in, held down there longer. YN’s vision began to become blurry, chest tightening and lungs burning as her body forced her to breathe, only instead of air water rushed in. She was burning. She could feel herself burning from the inside out. Her mouth opened as she choked on the pain, only for more water to rush in. YN felt the last pounds of her heart as her senses faded, all her memories flashed before her eyes. The last was unfamiliar to her: a lily entangled by a snake its color changing from black to white. Vito? Eventually that faded too, as YN felt herself slipping into nothingness...slipping into death.

           Baekhyung’s hands disentangled from YN’s head as he lifted her hand from the water and checked her pulse. “She’s dead.” He stated, looking at the Seo guardsman. The man raised an eyebrow before checking for himself, seemingly content. “Thank you for your help. I’m sure your aunt will compensate you greatly.” Baekhyung rolled his eyes, “Didn’t do it for her. She’s simply an eyesore.” It wasn’t necessarily true, but with YN out of the way it would certainly facilitate things. The men walked out of the bathroom and then the door, not sparing a glance towards their surroundings. For if they had, they would have found the most peculiar sight, a bloated ball python struggling for its life, water droplets escaping its mouth. It took several minutes for the ball python to give up the fight. The second Vito took his last breath, YN took her first heaving, herself out of the water and breathing in air for the first time in twenty minutes.

           YN cast a glance toward the bed where her pet snake now laid dead, before pulling herself out of the bathtub and running straight for Jeon Jungkook’s room.

             YN’s knuckles rasped harshly on the blackwood of the prince’s bedroom door. When the prince didn’t answer the first time, her knocks became more incessant until YN was pounding so harshly the wood was beginning to bend under her force. She should have cared more about drawing attention to herself, but YN had just survived an assassination attempt and knew murderers didn’t linger long enough to be caught. Finally, the door creaked open, barely a sliver but enough that YN knew Jungkook was acknowledging her, inviting her in. A part of her hesitated, unsure whether this was all another elaborate scheme done by the sadistic prince in order to have her bend to him. No, this doesn’t seem like him. The Jeon’s weren’t fond of hiding in the shadows and hiring assassins. All of their ploys were done recklessly and with an audience. Since YN hadn’t stepped in, it seems Jungkook had decided to come out. He was still in his evening wear - his eyes took in YN’s disheveled appearance and a tear streamed face. He crossed his ankles together, leaning against the door frame.

           “To what do I owe the pleasure of having you come banging on my door at this late hour?” His dark eyes met hers, “Have you finally decided to speak to me or are you going to continue this ridiculous charade?” It isn’t until he noticed the blood on her head that worry crosses over his features, raising his hand to caress her.

           YN ignored him, instead choosing to answer a different question. “Yes.”  

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

   Seo Soojin’s room, when cleaned up, was actually quite beautiful. The reds and velvets mixed nicely with the fine gold accents. Normally guests would be a cause for celebration, as very few visited Soojin these days. Soojin would have been elated to have the prince himself in her chambers any night - but not tonight. Tonight Soojin sat seated on her bed, hair laid over her shoulders in nice neat waves. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” She asked, voice hesitant as she looked around the room for anything that could serve as a weapon for Jungkook or herself. Jungkook stood in the center of the room, though he had never been in her room he held no interest in all the trinkets she had decided to adorn it with. That wasn’t why Jungkook had suddenly decided to visit, not after YN had barged into his own bedroom and clung onto him. Not after Jungkook had to persuade his beloved that she would be safe in his bed with Morte guarding her.

“Can’t a husband visit his wife in the middle of the night?”

“We are not yet wed.” Soojin was unsure of what game Jungkook was playing, her eyes sneakily stared at her door. She couldn’t see the shadow of her guard's feet.

“I would hardly think that matters when the ceremony is in a few days' time.”

Jungkook approached Soojin’s bed slowly, his footsteps careful and calculated each one of them measured to ensure the tamed lioness would see exactly where he was at any given time. As he reached the edge of her bed, Soojin leaned back to rest on the headboard allowing Jungkook to crawl onto the bed until the prince was mere inches from her. Soojin swallowed thickly, nerves eating her alive. “Plus you’ll get everything you have ever wanted…” His hand caressed Soojin’s cheek tenderly. “To be queen and bear my heir.” His soft touch turned harsh as he pulled her towards his lips. “I thought we’d get a head start.” With little hesitation their lips crashed against each other, full of hatred and passion.

In those moments of pure unadulterated lust, Soojin swore Jungkook had never looked more beautiful. His sweat caused his hair to curl towards the ends, framing his face perfectly. Despite how badly she clinged to him, his arms, his back, chest, legs, his every breath - Jungkook barely touches her. He kisses her, but it feels empty. Even when he finally does enter her, it lacked intimacy and felt robotic. The prince was harsh, demanding, and entirely selfish in his needs. Though Soojin did enjoy it thoroughly, it was clear to her that Jungkook was only searching for his own high rather than hers. Eventually the two reach their peaks, climaxing together as Jungkook fills Soojin to the brim.

Then as quickly and quietly as he arrived the prince untangled himself from Soojin. Redressing himself before leaving her room, not sparing the young princess a glance. Seo Soojin cried that night for the first time in years, memories of her youth plaguing her as she recalled the fateful day that set in motion the rest of her life.

 Thirteen year old Soojin was already a beauty to behold, even at such a young age. Despite being born a woman, she was exceptionally bright and cunning. Under different circumstances, she would’ve surely become a great inventor or even a great ruler. Sadly she was born a woman to a noble family who had long ago set their eyes on the prize of the land - a prize their only daughter could help them get. While Soojin had never met prince Jungkook, they had been engaged since she could remember. Having been raised with tales of the great Jeons and how Jungkook was the kindest and fairest prince in the land. Soojin could hardly contain her excitement at what her future might hold. The following week, she would embark to court and finally meet her beloved. Still, even at such a young age Soojin possessed little patience and great ambition. Seven days was far too long a wait.

“Come on Soojin, it is this way.” Kim Yoona yelled from far ahead, Soojin jumped over the rocks that were littered across the ravine, careful to watch her steps so as to not slip. They were deep in the forest, far from the watchful eyes of maids and guards, Soojin wasn’t afraid though. She knew the fate that would befall anyone who attempted to cause harm to a Seo. Much less the soon to be princess. Yoona had told her of a fortune teller that had apparently predicted the Jeons rise to power and the birth of the prince. She was notable throughout all the land and since hearing her tenacity for telling the future of those destined to be great, Soojin wanted hers read.

After crossing the water they trudged through more forest ground before finding a small clearing. The two girls abruptly stopped as they came face to face with an old cottage resembling something out of the fairy tales they'd read. “This must be it.” Soojin stated, marching forward once the shock wore off. There was nothing to be afraid of; she was certain of what her future would entail, she just needed the confirmation. Before Soojin could knock on the door, it was opened by a middle aged woman dressed in rags.

“Are you the witch?” Was the first thing out of Soojin’s mouth. She lay unimpressed as Yoona soon joined her side, stunned into silence.

“Are you the Seo girl?” The fortune-teller reproached, causing both young girls' eyes to widen, before the fortune-teller allowed them in. “It’s two hundred to have your fortunes read - each.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Yoona protested, but Soojin fisted the money out of her wallet before throwing it on the nearest table she found. “There, now tell me my future.”

“How about I tell you a story instead?”

Soojin rolled her eyes dramatically, “I don’t want a story. I want my future, tell it now.”

The fortune teller smiled, taking long steps before reaching a chair. She took her time sitting and making herself comfortable before finally turning towards Soojin. “Tell me child, have you ever seen a lion and snake play together?”

Soojin frowned, “What?”

“They are opposite beings in nature. Warm-blooded and cold-blooded. A union between them would never work.” The witch grabbed the pile of money and began to count it, “A lion takes several mates but always stays within his pride. A snake lives a solitary life, its only companions the flowers it lives alongside.”

“You’re making no sense!” Soojin’s hands balled into fists, as she began to raise her voice in frustration. “You’re speaking in riddles, talk clearly.”

“She means that the match won’t last.” Yoona, who had remained quiet until then, finally spoke up.

“That isn’t true!” Soojin screamed, head whipping back and forth between her friend and the witch. “Who will marry the prince if not me?! I am to be a queen. I will bear a son and become a Jeon. Our marriage will unite the kingdom and ensure prosperity for the kingdom.” The words were not her own, but those she had been raised hearing.

“Ah, a queen you will be and a son you will bear. A Jeon though is not a name that is given but granted. Read up on your history child, this union will only breed destruction.”

Soojin didn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe it. The witch was lying to her. She simply wanted to embarrass Soojin, that's why she was making up all those lies.

Yoona excitedly pounced on the opportunity, now that Soojin was out of the picture perhaps she had a shot. “If not her then who? Who will marry the prince?”

Soojin turns to glare at her supposed friend, furious at the hope that had filled the young Yoona now that she believed Soojin to be out of the picture.

The fortune-teller looked out the window at the trees that surrounded them, “This winter has been long, but spring will come again. When it does, the flowers are always the first to bloom.”

“Flowers?” Soojin asked, at the same time that her friend drew her conclusions.

“A Kim?! I’m a Kim. Does that mean I will marry the prince?” Yoona asked excitedly, unaware of the glare now being cast her way by Soojin. Poor Kim Yoona misunderstood, her family though they held the last name, held very little power and had only managed to amass their fortune through their loyalty to the Seo’s. Something the young child, unbeknownst to her, ruined that very afternoon. Still much like young Yoona, Soojin too did not know the difference between Kims - they were those who simply possessed the name while others who were blessed with it.  When they were walking back towards their homes and Yoona accidentally slipped on the rocks and dove head first into the ravine, Soojin couldn’t bring herself to care much. If fate wants her to be with the prince, then she will surely not drown. The princess thought as she walked away and headed home preparing for her upcoming trip.

           “This winter has been long but spring will come again. When it does, meet me where the flower’s bloom.” YN had awoken alone in her bed in the morning, surprised that neither Sana nor Jungkook were around. She supposed it was a blessing in disguise for the note left on her pillow would have surely been the subject of questioning. It had taken her a while to decipher what exactly Namjoon had meant by the note, but figured that overthinking would be exactly what would be expected of her to do. So, YN headed towards her vanity but stopped cold when she realized the book was not there. I could’ve sworn… YN searched high and low through her bedroom in a manner that was discrete yet thorough. She felt eyes on her and didn’t know if they were guarding or threatening.

           Sana must’ve placed it elsewhere. It would be strange considering the maid never moved any of her stuff without explicit permission, but it certainly was a possibility. YN sighed, looking at the note once again tracing it with her finger as she pondered on what the lord’s intentions might have been in sending her that message. If it had been something unimportant, he surely would have communicated through his staff. It was the way of the palace. If it was urgent, Kim Namjoon would have come himself. No, this was something different. YN’s eyes danced once more on the small piece of paper, observing carefully as if the paper would suddenly reveal a secret to her, that was for her eyes only.

           “Where the flowers bloom…” What flowers? YN’s eyes widened as she recalled something her late mother had taught her. YN had been too young to remember much of her parents, even the few memories she did have were obscured. She did remember her mother always plotting lilies though, it was the only thing that she had been able to cultivate while they lived in the harsh areas of the city. Their garden, if it could be called that, had been barely a meter long. Though their father insisted that she try to grow vegetables, because they were always so expensive at the market, she only grew lilies. Even if they always died. Lilies were delicate beings and required extreme care and stable environments - something YN hadn’t known much of growing up. There was another thing about YN’s mother’s garden: she always complained about the ivy weed that threatened to consume it.

Where flower’s bloom? Lilies required care, attention, and warmth. It needed round the clock observation. An ivy, on the contrary, could potentially grow in any type of environment even the most inhospitable ones. The passage ways!

 It seems Jungkook had kept his promise of locking up the passageway, but YN had figured it couldn’t be the only one. Certainly a castle this old and large must have various entries and exits privy only to those who reside in them. So YN looked in the most obvious place she could think of. It wasn’t difficult to gain access to Jungkook’s bedroom, and the palace had been fairly empty as of late so there weren’t many lingering around. It was rather difficult though to escape the eyes she felt. Jungkook had promised her a brand new security detail, though she had assumed he meant guards. Now she was uncertain. Everywhere YN went she felt eyes and as she peered around the prince’s room, it was no different. Morte was nowhere to be seen but YN couldn’t be sure the snake was hiding or if she was accompanying her master.

“Psst.”

It came from behind her. YN spun around only to face the wall behind the bed. Then she heard it again, “Psst.” This time louder, as she drew nearer her eyes focused on the pattern of the dark brick wall. It was perfectly layered and symmetrical, likely thousands of years old, as the stone had long faded yet somehow kept its state. One last time the “psst” rang out and YN finally noticed that one of the bricks was slightly more pushed in than the others. It was something only noticeable since she was barely a breath away from the wall. Hesitantly, YN reached out and pressed at a large section of the wall sliding back by a few feet. Then she walked forward into the corridors making sure to close it behind, her unaware of the viper observing.

 “I was afraid you might not join me.” Kim Namjoon was not dressed in his usual attire of extravagant clothes. In fact, the old wash of his bottoms and creases on his shirt made it seem like another person when YN had first laid eyes on him, after discovering him deep in the corridors. “I have walked long and have yet to see any Ivies growing. Your clue wasn’t easy to decipher. Had I misinterpreted it, I would have headed to the gardens.” YN answered, there was something off about the lord today but she couldn’t put her finger on it. He seemed desperate to YN. “Ah, but we are at the gardens.” Namjoon replied, finger taping the wall to his left. The passageway they found themselves did in fact run alongside the palace gardens. To his left grew lilies, once planted by the great Kim when the palace was first constructed. To his right, inside the castle, ivies: tall, wild, and lethal. All planted by Jeon the I without intent.

“What is it you want my lord?” Though YN normally enjoyed conversing with Namjoon, something inside her stomach warned her that being hidden away with him would have consequences.

“Have you read the book, my lady?”

“Ah,” YN didn’t exactly know how to break it to him without possibly upsetting him. “I seem to have misplaced it.”

“Someone took it you mean.”

“Why would someone steal a book?” It was a genuine question, as Namjoon had come to that conclusion far too quickly.

“Why would someone steal you?”

So that is what he was trying to get at. YN had long grown tired of having to explain her situation and felt a bit disappointed that Namjoon would even ask. He seemed different. She should have known better. “That is the question I’ve been asking myself since I arrived.” Her tone was apathetic, as she glanced around trying to figure out how to end the conversation.

           “Surely you are not that oblivious my lady. You hold value - a true value that is rare to come by these days.”

           Now she was confused, “You make no sense.”

           Namjoon stepped closer. Even though it was just two steps, YN felt he was trying to bridge the space between them. Either to get her attention or establish dominance, she wasn’t too sure. YN held her ground. “I’m afraid I never do.” Namjoon caresses her cheek, leaning in to whisper. “You smell divine, like flowers...a Sharon rose, perhaps?” YN eyes widened. Her mind traveled to Soojin’s confrontation. “It is simply a name my lord.” Namjoon chuckled, “Yes, I suppose so. That is why there are only two true Kim’s in court.” He turned sharply on his feet and walked away, but not before spinning back just as quickly. “The help is sorted into two fields - Seo’s and Jeon’s - Sana is a Jeon, not by name but it is where her alliances lie - besides the crown.”

           The phone rang inside Min Yoongi’s study and he ignored it. Fully aware of who it was and the consequences it may bring, but the Duke couldn’t bring himself to care. Jimin was in a good mood today, splendid even, and Yoongi didn’t want to do anything that would risk that. So the phone rang for hours upon hours, jiggling harshly upon his desk much to his annoyance. He had instructed the staff to ignore it - let the man think he was out of town. Though it was a dangerous game, now far from the castle Min Yoongi found the courage he so often lacked. He was prepared to play the long game and ignore the brat, demonstrating that Yoongi was not a puppet or a butler he could have at his beck and call. When the phone finally stopped, Yoongi assumed he had won. Until the phone started ringing elsewhere: the master bedroom - Jimin’s room. Yoongi bolted out the door leaving his chair turned over and a few papers scattered. The duke ran through the hallway and burst past the doors just as Jimin put the phone to his ear. Yoongi ripped it out of his hand as gently as he could, not missing the questioning gaze of his beloved. “Hello,” his gruff voice sounding slightly out of breath from the run.

           “Hello Yoongi, I’ve been trying to reach you but it seems you’ve been too busy to pick up the phone. So I figured I would ask your darling for a favor, it’s been so long since I’ve heard from him.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened and his hands balled into a fist. “There’s been some problems with the phone lines lately, it looks like there’s a storm coming.”

           “Oh a storm is coming all right, but that is not why I contacted you Yoongi. I’m sure you’ve received the invitation by now.” He meant the wedding invitation. Yoongi had in fact received the invitation earlier that morning, to say he was surprised when he saw ‘Jeon Jungkook and Seo Soojin’ on the piece of paper would be an understatement. What of the girl? “You see there is the matter of my bachelor party.” Oh no. “While my soon to be wife is busy readying herself, I see no point in not enjoying my last night of an unwed life. So my beloved and I are headed towards your estate as we speak. I hope it isn’t too late for a party.”

             Jungkook had yet to tell her where they were headed, but he seemed in a pleasant mood something which caused YN quite a lot of concern. She was aware that the wedding was tomorrow and hadn’t found it to be a good sign that the groom was effectively leaving a day before. Though Jungkook had sworn he would marry Soojin, there had to be something else at play. A hidden pawn or move that he hadn’t yet exposed - it wouldn’t be out of character for him to somehow weasel his way out of a promise. Then again… The King was involved in this affair and Jungkook had yet to disobey his father. At least in front of her.

           “What has you so entertained?” Jungkook reached over and delicately massaged the frown between her brows. His other hand entwined in hers, fingers gently tracing over her knuckles. “Penny for your thoughts.”

           YN forced a polite smile on her face, “Simply wondering where we are going.” There was nothing to gain from speaking the truth. If her time in the castle had taught her anything it was that.

           “Hm,” the prince nodded, clearly not entirely believing her but choosing not to press the matter. “We are headed to an old friend’s place. Duke Min has agreed to host us for the evening as a farewell gift to my bachelor status.”

           The name rang a bell and the longer she dwelled on it, the clearer the person he was speaking about became. “Duke Min? As in Lady Eun’s lover?” As in the man she had begged to spare her brother’s life? To be fair, all the charges against her brother had been dropped. It wasn't the Duke’s fault that Jungkook had manipulated everything to kill her brother regardless. You killed his lover.

Sensing the clear discomfort in her tone, Jungkook smiled. “Don’t worry my love.” He leaned in closer, his hot breath fanning her ear. “Yoongi engages in various liaisons, but only one truly holds his heart. He and I are a lot alike in that sense.”

     The Min estate was a sight to behold, though it did not compare to the grandiose nature of the palace, YN found herself enjoying it more. It was brighter, a light sky color that matched the lush greenery that surrounded it. It was much smaller than a duke’s home should be, but that was to be expected of a secondary residence - even if it was where Min mainly stayed. In front stood Min Yoongi, as well as multiple staff, all different levels of anxiousness. Most thoughts revolved around the prince and what a pleasure it would be to serve his royal highness when they were so used to serving the duke and his lover. All of Yoongi’s thoughts, though, were on the girl. He longed to see her, only if to ease his curiosity. It had been so long since they had last met and Yoongi wanted to know if she had changed, what she had become. if she remained the same desperate child begging to be saved - or had transformed herself into a vicious snake.

As the carrier arrived, the driver quickly exited to open the door. Jungkook exited first with a sly smile on his face that caused most of the staff to swoon, and right behind him, wearing a simple satin high collared blue dress with a grey coat, exited YN. Her eyes cast around before they immediately dropped down. It wasn’t until Jungkook took her hand in his that she looked up, sending a blank look to the prince - which upon further inspection by the duke was filled with a mixture of contempt yet reluctance. Jungkook whispered something to her that caused her eyes to widen and she quickly looked up at Yoongi with fear in her eyes. The look mirroring one Jimin had given him the first time they had met.

It was gone rather quickly, replaced with a gentle smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Yoongi wondered if that sort of training had been cemented by Jungkook or if much like his songbird YN had learned that adapting meant surviving.

      After a brief tour of the home, the three of them had lunch though YN did not miss the fourth table set that went unused, much to the Duke’s apartments annoyance, the three then spoke in the patio for hours about politics, music, art, philosophy. Though it was more like YN was an observer than an active participant, Jungkook seemed fine about her lack of enthusiasm so long as she was draped on his lap or holding his hand. It was like she was a prize to be admired, but not engaged with. Any time she did wish to join the conversation, she would look up and meet Min Yoongi’s dark feline eyes and immediately sink back into silence. There was something about the duke that holy unnerved her, he seemed fine enough at first glance but the prince’s words kept bouncing around her head. Dinner then came and went, followed by drinks and finally it was time to retire.

“We have prepared two rooms like you asked.” Yoongi states, after waving away an approaching maid. “We hope they are to your enjoyment.” YN can’t help but feel a sense of relief at not having to share a room with Jungkook. They both excuse themselves and are guided up the stairs. Once the maid leaves, YN goes to enter the room but a hold on her wrist stops her. She turns back to look at Jungkook quizzically.

“Oh come on now darling, the rooms are for show.” He says amused. “It’s best not to cause an uproar the night before the wedding.” Jungkook doesn’t even give her time to respond, before he pulls her into his room and shuts the door. It is when he goes in for the kiss that YN rushes out a question that has been plaguing her all day. “Are you actually going to marry Soojin?” Jungkook stops, tilting his head to the side as if thinking over what she says. “Why? Are you jealous?” His tone is teasing, as he goes in for another kiss only to be stopped by YN once more. “You promised her you would. Promised me as well. Do you intend to keep it?”

Jungkook sighed, walking towards the bed and stripping off his clothes layer by layer. “Soojin has been my fiancé since we were children. I was always meant to wed her.” This causes YN’s chest to swell with excitement, only for it to be shattered seconds afterwards. “Still it is you who will be my queen. You did promise to wed me too recall? In exchange for protection from any more assassination attempts. Everyone always knows that first marriages are for gains and the second is for love.” He beckoned her closer, for some reason YN obeyed. Standing nearly nude in the moonlight YN once again was blinded by his beauty. He looked so much like an angel, but she knew devils could shapeshift to enticing forms.

Once again she wondered if things had been different would Jungkook have wooed her too. In another life, would she have come to love him? Would he even be interested in her? No use in thinking of what ifs. Nothing would change who Jungkook was now, just like it appeared nothing would save YN. Not as long as the prince was alive.

When YN awoke the next morning the prince was gone, the spot beside her in bed now cold. Though she couldn’t be certain it had ever been warm. She dressed and headed down stairs, surprised to find barely any staff and the duke gone as well. It’s a royal wedding of course they would all be gone. YN eyed the door and approached it, seeking an opportunity for escape. The place couldn’t possibly be as heavily guarded as the castle. YN hadn’t seen any guards or anything of the sort the day before. Just as her hand was about to grip the handle, a butler appeared startling her.

“Pardon the interruption my lady, but breakfast has been served outside in the garden.” YN smiles politely nodding before heading out towards the gardens. The gardens aren’t likely to be guarded. She could always escape into the forestry surrounding the house. As she exited the house, she caught sight of a man sitting at the table where breakfast was served. He was stunning, that was the first thing she noticed. With soft yet angled features, large lips, and delicate eyes. She must’ve been staring a long time because the man finally turned to look at her and in his eyes, YN could see a deep melancholy not dissimilar to her own.

“So you’re the prince’s whore?”

YN was taken aback by his bluntness, but squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. She wouldn’t be disrespected by someone who seemed to be in the same boat as her. So that’s what Jungkook meant. “Are you the Duke’s?”

He smiled, she could tell it wasn’t fake as humor filled his eyes. Only to quickly be replaced with sadness yet again. “I am his lover, his songbird, his whore.” The man looked forward towards the violets, “It all depends on his mood.” Then filled with mirth, “It all depends on the sex.” It was once he turned back towards her, his smile a mix of innocence and seduction that he finally stated his name. “You can call me Jimin though.” YN couldn’t help the slight smile that spread across her face, for even though she did not know what Jimin had gone through he was still surviving and that inspired her a bit.

The two of them ate in silence and merely observed the garden, breathing in the fresh air and taking in nature. YN thought this might be the first time she has ever been at peace after meeting Jungkook. It isn’t until the sun is higher in the sky, past midday or a bit before, that Jimin speaks again.

“They’re both gone. Off to the wedding it seems.” He says it with such resentment, YN can’t help but wonder if it's because he isn’t with them or Jimin dislikes weddings in general. When YN questions him, he chuckles. “No, I’m not mad. A whore isn’t welcome in a church after all.” The sly wink he sends her lets her know that she too is included in the joke. Even then, she wonders if Jimin even gets to leave at all. Suddenly Jungkook’s words when they were approaching the house pop into her head, “The Duke is fond of keeping treasures too so be sure not to catch his attention.”

“Perhaps we should have our own fun.” She says suddenly, little thought given to the consequences said action may hold for both of them.

Jimin turns to YN, eyes widened before his lips pucker into a pout. “I’m not allowed to leave and no one can go against the Duke’s wishes.”

“I outrank the Duke.” A bit of silence followed before the two of them broke out into wicked grins.

 YN had never really been in the city, the area she used to reside in where the slums were, and even then she went out so little that her memories of it were vague. Jimin seemed to have a better idea of where they were going, dragging her from fashion boutique to cafes to bars and anywhere else he could think of. He seemed so jovial as if he were a bird able to fly after so long, when he looked it at YN it was with a mixture of glee and gratitude. Even if she didn’t enjoy all the attention garnered every time Jimin pulled out Yoongi’s money, she didn’t want to break what little happiness had returned to Jimin. Especially when he had seemed so starved of it.

“Here this is for you. If you’re forced and resigned to being the prince’s whore might as well dress the part.” Jimin often called her that instead of her name, but given the lack of malice in his voice whenever he did YN couldn’t bring herself to care. He handed her a velvet box, which upon opening it possessed a silver necklace with a black gemstone and matching ring. “Jimin I can’t take this.” It was certainly expensive judging by the look of it and she felt this was his way of saying thanks. “I appreciate it but -”

Jimin rolled his eyes and took the ring out of the box and forced it onto her finger. “Don’t make this a big deal. If you look like a victim people will treat you like one, but if you look like a queen...well no one goes against a queen.” He had maneuvered his way around her and placed the necklace on her neck tying it delicately on the back. “There now you look like a queen.” His fingers brushed comfortingly on the side of her neck. YN smiled and thanked him silently. They were towards the back of a store, it was a smaller boutique, likely only being able to contain no more than twenty people inside yet it was relatively empty. The stylist had stepped into the back after offering them beverages and hadn’t returned since.

As the two new friends continued their conversation, a car pulled up to the front of the store. It was a large suburban with thick windows that were blacked out. Since Jimin had his back to the front it was YN who first noticed it, finding it peculiar. It wasn’t until the car doors opened and she saw the sigil on the driver’s side that she recognized who it belonged to. Resistance. It didn’t take her too long to grasp at why they were there. Rather quickly she gripped Jimin’s arms, “Go to the back of the store and don’t come back out until it's safe.” Rather forcefully she shoved him towards the back and Jimin spared her a glance before running to the back of the store.

Please please please. YN didn’t know exactly what she was asking for, but it was the only thing that occurred to her. Five burly men entered the store all setting their sights on her immediately. “Hello, Kim YN. Our leader would like to speak with you.”

“I’m Kim Seokjin, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” The words couldn’t be any more of a farce, but Seokjin was nothing if not civil and polite. The smile forced onto his face was entirely charismatic and swayed anyone that looked it at. While being a good leader was important, good looks also aided Seokjin in staking his claim on the throne. Though people swore loyalty to the Kim’s and claimed to despise the Jeon’s, no one would rally behind an ugly person not when their prince looked like a fallen angel. “I’ve been told quite a lot about you. I am sorry that we have had to meet under these circumstances, but it isn’t very often the prince lets his most prized possession out of his sights.”

Truth was he could have waited, but Seokjin wanted to see her. Wanted to know what had captured not just the prince’s attention, but Namjoon’s as well. Now that YN was in front of him he saw nothing that could explain it. She’s rather plain looking. Not only that but she sat perfectly straight in her chair refusing to engage in any conversation at all. Her lips were pursed, face stoic, and eyes observed everything at a clinical distance. She acts like a Jeon that’s for sure. Well if she wasn’t going to reply might as well continue, “I am sure you have first hand experience of how cruel the Jeon’s can be. They are cold, cunning, and utilize dark arts to keep their power. They took what was once a great country, with wealth and happiness to go around and have hogged it all to the point were most of the population lives in extreme hunger and despair.”

“Have you ever gone hungry?” YN’s soft voice spoke out, barely above a whisper yet it captured all of Seokjin’s attention. “It seems strange to me to hear about hunger and despair from a man who has never experienced it in his life.”

Seokjin was taken aback, but kept his calm. “I have faced much despair in my life, but it would take too long to go into detail about it. Plus I am not fond of comparing traumas.”

“What dark arts do you speak of? I’ve never heard of the Jeon’s performing dark arts.” That was a lie, but YN was baiting him. Plus if Seokjin had useful information that could help her escape Jungkook then she was willing to do anything.

Seokjin smiled, “A group of less than a hundred men stormed a castle full of guards, nobility, and the royal family and within an hour had slaughtered them all and taken control. Of course, it was magic.”

So he knows nothing. YN remained quiet, she observed Kim Seokjin the way one might a potential threat. Even if he had yet to attack or make his intentions clear, the only person YN had met that hadn’t attempted to coerce her or hurt her had been Jimin. The odds weren’t in her favor. Even Namjoon whom she had thought of as a friend had acted strange the last time they met. “Unless there is something you know. Which may help us restore the imbalance of power and return things back to their harmonious state.”

It was clear neither were buying what the other was selling and it was only a matter of time before that truth became obvious to the two of them.

“What I am trying to get at my lady is, it would not only benefit the kingdom but you as well if you -” Before Seokjin could finish his pitch, the doors of his office slammed open and in strolled Kim Namjoon decked in a royal blue blazer with matching top and cream pants, he looked like a leader and with the way he regarded Seokjin it was clear which one of them truly called the shots. “I learned you kidnapped Lady Kim when I specifically asked you not to. Now we have both an angry prince and Duke on our hands.”

“The prince is getting married, he is far too concerned with his future bride to care where his mistress is.”

“Ah, well since you clearly know Jeon Jungkook so well explain to me then why fourteen of our allies had their families raided and imprisoned not ten minutes after you took her.”

Both Seokjin and YN froze in shock, unable to believe what they had just heard. Ten minutes? It took ten minutes for Jungkook to find out she was missing and exact his revenge when he was more than a hundred miles away. “Don’t play with me Namjoon.” Seokjin’s voice had lost all its charm and was not monotone, “This isn’t funny.” Namjoon scoffed, “They’re awaiting their sentencing and everyone knows it's the gallows for traitors.” An image of her brother’s dead body flashed before YN and she struggled to not heave. “Now go fix it.” Namjoon demanded, pointing his finger out the door. Seokjin marched out not sparing YN a look, but she could tell by the look on his face he would surely blame her for this. It’s always my fault.

YN sat stunned in silence as Namjoon ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the ends with frustration. She glanced towards her lap trying not to make eye contact, her hands were shaking and YN gripped her skirt in order to steady them. “I can talk him out of it.” YN wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Namjoon or herself. “He wouldn’t -”

“Yes, he would YN. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re dead already.” He muttered, before sighing and gazing at her sympathetically. “Don’t blame yourself my lady. This isn’t your fault.”

YN chuckled humorlessly, “All of this is my fault. Every death that has occurred since the prince and I crossed paths has been my fault.” Or by my hand. Lady Eun and Vito flashed before her eyes.

��Well then I shall have to start referring to you as Lady Death or Lady D for short.”

YN smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood, “Very funny my lord.” The two stared into each other's eyes for a while before YN finally broke the calm silence that had settled between them. “Is Kim Seokjin an ivy or a lily?” The smile on the lord’s face melts away before he quickly replaces it with one that doesn’t reach his eyes. There is a mask on his face that YN has only seen him wear around others before and she smurmises what it must mean - Namjoon finally sees her as a threat.

“He is a Kim with a stake to the throne, one of the last remaining ones.” He walks towards a leather seat right across from where she is. Namjoon sits the way a gentleman would, reclining yet keeping his back straight and shoulders square. Head held high as his height caused him to look down at her ever so slightly. YN found herself imagining what he would look like with a crown on his head. “So what is your plan? To use Seokjin and let him die in his quest for the throne?” Her eyebrow raises as she questions whether Namjoon would be as cruel to use someone for their own personal gains, then again that seems to be the norm among the nobility.

“Seokjin won’t die.” Namjoon spoke as if this were a fact and not an optimistic delusion.

“Please don’t be foolish, my lord. The Jeons and Seo’s will wipe out any possible threat that exists to them.” YN had experienced it first hand.

“The Seo’s believe where all lunatics clinging to the past and the Jeons would never attack without solid reasoning.”

YN laughed, “The prince just executed four families without solid reasoning.”

“No,” Namjoon shook his head as disappointed she didn’t understand. “The prince executed conspirators that may have played a role in the kidnapping of a court lady and his lover.”

YN fixed him with a pointed stare, “You know the truth.”

Namjoon leans forward in his seat, “The truth doesn’t matter, tell a lie enough times it becomes the truth. People don’t want to believe the reality, they want to hear what is most convenient to them.”

“What is this truth that you are trying to tell? That Seokjin is the true heir when the Kim line has been so mixed that’s nearly impossible. Or is that little speech all you have?” YN was frustrated. Tired of being treated like a pawn in a larger game of thrones. “You seem to be under the illusion that I am completely unaware of what having a Kim king was like. I don’t like the Jeons nor the Kims, both patriarchy’s have set about ruining the kingdom each in their own way.”

“Good thing we aren’t going to have a patriarch on the throne.” He smirked.

YN’s words died on her tongue as the statement caused her to pause. It unsettled, then it all began to click. Jungkook’s intense desire to make her queen, Soojin questioning her family name, Namjoon’s insistence, even her brother’s untimely death. At that moment YN longed to be anywhere else but there to be far away: back in the store with her brother, back in their childhood home with her parents, even locked back inside the palace bedrooms. At least there she knew what to expect, what future awaited her. There her status as a sister, daughter, prisoner were clear. Inside the rebel grounds  they were not, she was about as certain of her fate as she had been that night in the dungeon. “What do you mean?” The look Namjoon gave her spoke for itself. You know what he means, don’t deny it any longer. “YN,” he rose from his chair cautiously, his eyes hesitant as if unsure how she would react. For a split second, YN could see what looked like trepidation in his eyes but what would the great Lord Kim have to be afraid of? “You were never merely a pawn and it was never nearly a name.”

Soojin sat restlessly on the marriage bed, waiting for Jungkook to arrive. She was certain there were ears glued to the chamber doors and could feel eyes on her figure, yet she couldn’t tell where they came from. The wedding had been a spectacle if a little small, but she supposed it would help cement her image as a humble princess. It wasn’t a good look to waste millions on a wedding when the country’s poor were starving. Her knees were tucked into her chamise as the cold air in the room nipped at her skin, the lit fire was too far away to offer anything besides light. Though she longed to go near it, she had been told it was bad luck for the bride to step foot off the bed before the marriage had been consummated. Even if it already had been days before.

She isn’t exactly sure how long passes, but knows that it must have been a while since the cold nipping at her had long seeped into her bones and was now causing her to shiver. The silk bedding offered little protection. More time passed and Soojin found herself dozing off, the new moon high in the sky before she was awoken by the ringing of a bell. It announced that someone wished to enter the room and Soojin gave her permission. A young maid entered, hair tucked tightly into a bun as she bowed deeply. She looked familiar to the princess and she racked her brain trying to find her name before finally recalling, Ah yes, Sana. The whore’s maid. Soojin didn’t think much of it, since YN was no longer in the castle and posed no threat to her. She regarded the maid civilly.

“What is it?”

“I apologize, your highness, the prince has left the castle for the city and it seems he will not be returning before tomorrow.”

Soojin laughed, to her it must have been a joke. Surely Jungkook would not leave on their wedding night to be with his mistress when his wife was right there. She lifted her hand to cover her mouth and realized she was not only laughing, but crying as well. Finally Sana looked up at her, eyes filled with pity and any sadness in Soojin turned to rage. I see. YN had sent her maid to taunt her, to show that even though Soojin was queen Jungkook still belonged to her. Soojin raised her hand to strike the maid, when a sudden sharp pain from her abdomen caused her to fall over.

“Princess?!” Sana rushed to her help, only to be pushed away by Soojin. “Leave! Lock the doors! I don’t want anyone to see me!” She roared like a lioness and Sana backed away, bowed in submission. It was once she heard the small ‘click’ of the locked door that Soojin allowed the sobs to wreck through her body as the pain in her stomach worsened. What is happening to me? She raises her hand and sees small drops of water that have stuck. Soojin could not remember the last time she had cried. Perhaps it had been her sixth birthday when her father had died or perhaps it had been when her mother scolded her for crying after his death.

Nonetheless she did not have time to dwell on it for the pain she felt forced her up and had her heaving. She could feel something crawling up her throat and she tried desperately not to choke on it. I won’t give up this fight. Not after everything I’ve sacrificed. The pain was harsher than ever and it burned so much that Soojin swore it would tear itself from the inside out. She had no choice but to open her mouth and let it out. Soojin expected a lot of things to exit her: bile, the wedding cake, even flowers if she were to be honest. What she did not expect was the small baby snake in the pool of blood; which upon closer inspection by the princess was dead.

           When YN arrived at the Min house it looked deserted as if not a soul resided in it, but she knew Jungkook was waiting inside. Even far away, YN could sense the danger radiating from inside - Jungkook was sure to be infuriated and she hoped it wasn’t too late to talk him down from his anger before more innocent people lost their lives. She pushed through the front doors, not surprised to find them open, and saw Jungkook waiting for her sat upon the stairs. What did come as a shock to her was that he was still wearing his wedding clothes. Did he really come straight after? His long hair is styled back to show off his undercut, the tight fit of his suit - a grey and white jacket with matching pants and the Jeon symbol embroidered on the left breast - show off his figure nicely. When the prince catches her staring he smirks, but it does little to subdue the fire present in his eyes.

           “Oh and did the rebellion help you find your way back darling? How nice of them. Not to worry, I’ve already sent them my thanks.” Sarcasm dripped from every word, but it stoked YN’s own fury how casually he spoke about killing people. How little he cared.

           “Haven’t you killed enough?! Those poor people have nothing to do with it and you know it. Stop murdering people as a show of power.” She was seething, not being able to bear the guilt of anymore blood on her hands.

           “A display of power?” Jungkook raised his eyebrow, “If I wanted to display my power, I would have murdered every single person in that little so called rebellion. No what I did was a display of my love for you.” Even through his insanity, she could see he was being honest and that terrified her even more.

           “How do you think it looks to your people that on your wedding day, you’re more concerned with your mistress's disappearance than your own wife?” Though Jungkook didn’t care about appearances, the crown still had an image to uphold.

           Jungkook opened his mouth, letting it form a small ‘o.’ “I see you’ve been under the impression this whole time that the public knows who you are.” He smiled at her confused expression, “You see while the public is aware that I have taken a mistress, all they know is that she is a lady of the court. But the murders that occurred tonight were due to the aiding of a wanted criminal.”

           “A what?” It was not the first time that day that YN had found herself as the centerpiece in a chessboard. Except that while she had just been told she was the strongest piece - this conversation would serve as a reminder of who truly controlled the game. “Your brother was an enemy of the state, one that conspired to overthrow the throne. While normally I allow Kim Seokjin to play diliances since everyone is aware his claim is less than weak, him reaching out to you demonstrates that he is a far more threatening player than I had originally anticipated.” He shrugs, “If you ever do manage to escape you will be persecuted for your crimes against the crown.” He would throw me in a cell and let me rot to prove a point. No, it’s more than that. Jungkook is not only cornering her, but the Kims in general. A criminal can’t be a ruler.

           YN walks toward Jungkook, her stride strong and determined as she crossed the space between them to come kneel in front of him. Once they were at eye level, she tenderly cupped his cheek. Whispering softly, “Are you afraid he sought me out to get to you? Is that what this is?” Jungkook leans into her embrace, trying to steal a kiss. YN avoids him by instead brushing her lips over the shell of his ear, “After everything you have done to me I do not need outside forces to compel me to hate you.” When she pulled back, she saw something unexpected. There were tears in Jungkook’s eyes, not dissimilar to the ones that had been there when she had told him of his father’s plan. For a split second, YN found herself wondering once again what might have happened if the two of them had met in a different time. If Jungkook were not the cruel prince that he is and had not hurt her, could she love him? Or were they doomed to repeat the same brutal love story for all of eternity.

           Jungkook’s hand snapped up to grab a hold of YN’s neck and he flipped them around, caging her between the marble stairs and his own body. “It is not his interest in me or my crown that fills me with bloodlust, but rather his interest in you.” The prince’s grip was so tight, she could feel the indents of his fingers being left behind.

           Perhaps she should have waited for a better time. Perhaps YN should not have taken the bait so clearly laid out by the prince, but it had been a long day and the only person who could truly give her answers stood right in front of her. “How long?” She questions in a broken whisper. “When did you know?” Had he known this whole time and that’s why he had been stringing her along? People in the kingdom longed to go back to a time before the Jeons, but their hatred did not extend towards the prince. In their eyes he was nothing like his cruel bloodline. Jungkook drew her closer, his lips trailing up her nose bridge until he planted a kiss on her forehead. “If you're afraid my interest in you is solely due to your bloodline, don’t be afraid. Something as measly as a name wouldn’t sway my affection.” He lowered his head, to make sure they were at eye level, “besides you’ll be a Jeon soon. Whether or not you are of royal bloodline will not matter once you are queen. If anything it will legitimize your place beside me.” The smile he gave her was saccharine, full of nothing but love and adoration. As if his words were meant to comfort her, when they were only a display of how carefully he had orchestrated everything.

           “When?” YN repeated, glaring at him with so much fury Jungkook swore he should be beneath the ground.

           “After our conversation in your cell. I had Yoongi and Jimin find information about you and deliver it to me.” He drew away, leaving space between them in case his words evoked a physical reaction. “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being fooled. Then I read about your parents, what a strange accident that seemed to be.” His finger tapped his chin mockingly. “Especially so soon after your adoption had been finalized. Then I traced your lineage only to find it didn’t exist. Since my grandfather took the throne every single person born with the surname Kim has been documented, yet you don’t exist.” His pitch raised, dramatizing his words. “Seems like someone went a long way to make a little girl from nowhere completely disappear.” The prince shrugged, as if his words had not completely shattered everything YN once knew to be true.

“That is how I knew.”

           YN lunged at him, she didn’t exactly know what had compelled her to, but she did. The strength behind said attack seemed to surprise even Jungkook. Still he looked entirely serene when she straddled and wrapped her hands around his throat, deciding to repay him for what he had done seconds before. YN squeezed with all her might. Instead of being afraid Jungkook began to laugh, maniacally so, “Honestly darling, first stabbing and now choking. What’s next, are you going to try to poison me?”

           “Morte isn’t here.” YN spat out, “There’s nothing to ensure you survive.” The prince was beginning to turn red, face swelling at the constriction of air flow, yet he kept laughing. She had begun to understand the type of power Jungkook wielded, if Morte was his lifeline like Vito was hers. Then not having the snake around made him vulnerable.

           “I don’t need a snake to keep me alive because you won’t kill me.”

           “Who says I won’t?!”

           By now hints of purple had started to seep through, he was gasping for air. “B-because i-if you d-do I’ll k-kill i-it. I’ll k-kill s-Soojin’s unborn child.”

YN stilled, but did not relinquish her grip. “You’ll be dead. You won’t be able to hurt anyone.”

           “I’m the only thing keeping her alive,” he smiled sadistically. “The second I die, Seokjin will take power and he won’t hesitate to slaughter. Or maybe it’ll be your precious Namjoon. Perhaps even Sana, she’ll be so filled with envy and rage that I didn’t impregnate her that she will poison Soojin.” He leaned forward, licking his lips. “Then it will not only be my blood on your hands, but that of an innocent child.” As his words set in, YN’s fingers slacked and Jungkook took advantage, wrapping his arms around her torso. YN stared up at him, “How could you be so cruel?” It wasn’t until she tasted the salt on her lips that she even realized she was crying.

           “I will do anything to keep us together. Whether alive or dead, you cannot escape me.”

_6 Months Later_

           “Princess, are you ready? The prince and King are waiting for you.”

           Soojin sighed, standing up from the chair she had decided to rest on and allowed the maid to guide her towards the front of the palace. There was to be a tour today, charity work where the royal family went out and pretended to care about their people. The last tour, before Soojin had known about her pregnancy had been a success, even if it had been cut short by the King’s health suddenly declining once more. Still today’s trip towards the city’s slums was sure to not be too troublesome. Just smile and nod. Her hand brushed tenderly over her large bump, it was quite big for the stage she was at and had been the cause of much speculation and rumors. Still Jungkook played the role of doting husband and soon-to-be father so well, no one would ever suspect Soojin had only seen him a handful of times since the wedding. Even less since the engagements.

           Whom Soojin had not seen at all was YN. Though it caused her nothing but glee to think the wedding and pregnancy had hurt her in some way. The princess also knew that enemies should be kept closest of all, even more than her own son. “Did YN receive my gift?” She whispered lowly, so as not to be heard. The maid nodded, “Yes, princess. It was delivered at dawn by a neutral party.” Good, then she’ll be out of our hands soon. If YN was smart she would take the chance offered by Soojin, even if it was a trap that was sure to leave her permanently out of the picture. When she arrived at the main entrance, she noted all the guards and nobility lined up to bid them farewell yet - “My son will not be joining us. He has received word of the rebellion planning an attack and I have ordered him to stay.” King Jeon barely spared her a glance before adjusting his crown and entering the car.

           Soojin grimaced, but put on a smile when entering. It’ll be fine. Just smile, nod, and make them love their future queen. The King’s days were numbered, anyone could see, that is why the rebellion was getting bolder. Staging public protests, spreading propaganda, and small planned attacks. They were building to something. Rumor had it they had infiltrated the castle and though  Kim Seokjin had always been the face, Soojin had heard through the grapevine someone else truly pulled the strings. It's ridiculous. Just a little boy playing dress up. So the princess pushed it from her mind, cradling her stomach as the car drove away into the road to embark on the journey, unaware it would be the one that would lead her straight to death.

             YN didn’t know exactly how long she had been walking, but considering the sun had just risen when she had sneaked out of the castle and was now about to set she must’ve walked a significant distance. She hadn’t brought much with her, wanting to leave before Sana brought her breakfast or Jungkook stopped by. Only a jacket, a change of shoes, some money, a map, and Jimin’s gift tucked away in case the worst happened. The blisters on her feet were surely bleeding by now, but stopping to rest was a risk YN wasn’t willing to take. Cliche as it might be, YN heard the snapping of a branch before she realized she had company. “Lady YN.” When she turned around she was greeted with Park Jinyoung and Lee Baekhyung. “The King has requested you return to the palace as soon as possible.” The guard’s faces were as stoic as YN remembered considering she had not seen them in a long time.

           He sent his lap dogs after me...wait, the king? “I believe you’re mistaken, surely the King has greater concerns than me.”

           Baekhyung smiled, “Nonsense, nothing is more important to the King than you right now. And we’ve been sent to escort you back.”

           “Or retrieve you by force if necessary.” Jinyoung added.

           YN didn’t need to look to know she was surrounded by guards, still the trip had not been useless. She had gotten what she was after and the men were none the wiser.

           “The vehicle transporting the King and princess was attacked by the rebellion. Not all made it out alive.”

           YN gasped, No. That can’t be. Before YN could dwell on it any longer, the guards grabbed her and dragged her to the car. She didn’t put up a fight, too many thoughts running through her head, but one stood out above all. Soojin can’t be dead.

             “Get it out of me!” Soojin screamed, pain wrecking her body as she contorted every which way. Several maids held her down as they tried to save her son. “Get him out of me! He’s dying! He’s killing me!” Truth is with every contraction felt, Soojin found herself becoming weaker. Her muscles ached yet felt tender, bones brittle as if made of stone, every time she breathed it felt like she was inhaling smoke. What is this?! What is going on?! “Please princess. Just push. Breathe and push.” Soojin tried to do what she said, but instead of easing the pain it only made it worse. The knife had long been discarded and the maids were now attempting to help take the baby out, but it didn’t explain the pain. “Stop it hurts! It hurts!” She cried out, feeling like she was being torn from the inside out.

           The second she realized that, Soojin swore she felt claws trace the lining of her stomach from the inside. “Get that fucking thing out of me!” He isn’t human. It isn’t human. She had long been warned of the dangers of a Jeon pregnancy, but Soojin hadn’t listened. She never listened and it would finally cause her death. I should have killed it. By now the blood spilled all over the sheets, floors, and clothes was turning a dark red. I should have killed the girl before he met her. Soojin felt her heart begin to beat slower. I should have killed the witch. Her senses weakening  as spots filled her vision. I should have killed him when I had the chance. A flash of memory came to mind: the night she had told Jungkook of her pregnancy, how delighted he seemed to have been, yet when he spoke of ‘we’ she had somehow known it wasn’t about her. He knew, he knew all this time...and all to be with her.

           “Just one final push princess and that’s it.” Soojin's smile was filled with melancholy as she gave one final push, bringing the new prince into this earth. When the child took his first breath, she took her last.

             YN stood in front of the giant throne room, she hadn’t bothered changing knowing the King would look at her with disgust no matter what she wore. Tentatively she knocked, before the doors were slammed open and YN entered her eyes to the ground displaying submission. “You requested me, your highness.” Instead of a response, she heard a babble. When her eyes snapped up YN saw what to others might be the stuff of dreams, but to her, it was her worst nightmare come true. Jungkook sat upon the throne, a heavily jeweled crown resting on his head - the Kings crown. His entire focus was on the newborn in his arm. He gazed lovingly at the small boy and even cooed at it. Jungkook was so entranced a goofy grin adorned his face as he coddled his son.

           Eventually the prince King did look up and what you saw in his eyes was an amalgamation of pure love, obsession, and insanity. “Look Mommy’s here.”

[npdbubblygum]

Hi there, as a lot of people have seen there is a cluster fuck of a post in the npd tag about.. idek how to summarize it except glorifying empathy and villainizing personality disorders. They use narcissist, psychopath, abuser, and lots of degrading words interchangeably so be prepared for that. I won’t @ the person, partially because I don’t want to deal with the headache of them replying and partially because I don’t want to be responsible if they get harassed. They’re in the tag though publicly saying this so you could stumble upon it yourself, be careful and don’t read if it’ll hurt you! Tagged as #long post

It was so long so I decided to pick out the most relevant parts and comment on them.

People who know they have NPD don’t seem to go around calling people “unaware narcissists” as we know it’s difficult to notice and diagnose and increases stigma to do so. That’s something self proclaimed empaths do a lot though. Also, are you in this statement admitting that empaths can come across as self centred and “narcissistic” if people don’t understand what’s happening in their brain?

Personally I don’t feel any hatred for hyperempathetic people, that’s just a neutral trait some people have.

You can’t really say something is the opposite of a whole personality disorder that has several different diagnostic criteria and presents differently in different individuals. Brains aren’t black and white and antisocial PD isn’t only lack of empathy. The word for not being antisocial is prosocial what I know?

People can have compassion without empathy and people can lack compassion while having empathy, and it’s okay to not be loving as long as you aren’t harming people.

You shouldn’t passive aggressively say sorry to us in the same sentence you’re insulting us as “number out husks” and then go on to talk about how weak and cowardly we are. A lot of us had our empathy weaponized against us from such an early age that we had to turn it off to survive. If you value empathy so much, why aren’t you empathizing with that? I don’t really feel anything about it, it’s just a fact, but it’s also a fact that we shouldn’t have had to suffer through so much pain and then be blamed for how our brains developed. Also, if someone was born without empathy or had a traumatic head injury that impacted it they obviously didn’t choose that either. People who can feel a lot of empathy are also often scared of love and people without empathy can hate violence and conflict and have people they value enough to sacrifice themselves.

First of all, people in power are corrupt and become corrupt and are not the same as inventors or philosophers or any other great contributor, secondly those are exceptional people who stand out in history and didn’t have any access to therapy or self help or medication or anything else that helps mentally ill people function and cope. You can’t even go back in time and confirm who feels what level of empathy. People without empathy can also value peace, human lives, safety, etc. I constantly help caring for friends and community regardless of how little I feel about them. I don’t have to feel empathy, sympathy or compassion to do what is right, I can simply choose it, I can hate someone and devalue them and still choose to do what’s best for them.

The concept of empathy isn’t attacked we’re literally just saying we can exist without it and still be worthy human beings and people with empathy can be flawed and selfish still. We literally just want nuance and acceptance so people will have access to help.

Okay who thinks we’re actually out to destroy empathy? Maybe fascists are but come on. In the npd tag? You go into the npd tag thinking we have some kind of agenda to Destroy Empathy? People in society value empathy so much that calling someone empathetic is considered a huge compliment and calling someone unempathetic is an insult.

Fun fact! That’s how a lot of us were made! People literally broke our child-brains by using our empathy as a weapon against us and it was so overwhelming and terrible we couldn’t handle it :^) but yeah call abuse victims weak and pathetic that’s great love that for you

Also, a lot of us have really strong emotions that are incredibly overwhelming, not just a “dried up stream” lol

You talk about empaths needing a shield. Our “shield” was Not Having It.

Still unsure if you mean people with NPD or abusers or abusers with NPD but while there probably exists some people who go out with the intention to cause harm, most narcissists don’t and even most abusers work differently than that, they have a set of beliefs that they think justifies their harm it’s not really “oh how fun to destroy people” in a lot of cases. Of course it is unjustifiable though. I’ve read that abusive people seek out more empathetic people because they’re easier to convince that they can deserve it and often have qualities an abuser values, like a willingness to give more chances and staying quiet about mistreatment because they’d feel guilty or being guilt tripped easily. It’s often more about control than sadism, but sometimes it is sadism. Unempathetic people can also be abused and deserve to have resources.

Intelligence is actually not very easy to define and measure and intellectually disabled people should absolutely be included in that conversation and should absolutely not be called mindless, the mind is way more than the typical definition of intelligence. Heart doesn’t have a set definition and is even more loose than intelligence but if someone doesn’t experience the same types of emotions as me I’d still think they should be able to speak their minds about it.

Oh my god no one is denying the existence of empathy?? It is a well known concept, people study it, people who say they don’t feel it are admitting it exists because that’s what makes them different.

There are so many things to say here.. first of all are you equating npd to abuser again?

Secondly, this is a really toxic mindset. You don’t have to suffer through incredible emotional/psychological pain to be strong. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to “bear the burden”. If you’re in a situation that is bad for you, please do what you can to leave! You aren’t better or worse for not being able to handle the pain, you shouldn’t have to be in pain.

Thirdly, what do you think a narcissistic injury or crash is? It’s exactly that. Our sense of self and self worth crumbling when our defence mechanism doesn’t work. It’s not funny. It’s awful to go through. We do not have life on easy mode, life is a fucking nightmare, people with npd often have suicide attempts. How can you say any of this while claiming to empathize with people?

People with facial disfigurements have told me that disfigured is the word they want to be called, not deformed. Also, you shouldn’t vilify disfigurement like that, it’s not a bad thing and it’s ableist to use it to insult and to equate it with being an abusive person or having a mental illness. Also calling people monkeys is dehumanizing too. Don’t think you can get away with that.

You are actually correct about empathetic not being the real word - empathic is actually standard English. Not because -pathetic means you’re weak but because -pathic means suffering/experiencing/feeling/being moved by and -pathetic means means being able to move someone else. You’re being super fucking weird about it though.

Your pop culture references weren’t that accurate or relevant and you shouldn’t rely on made up stories to support your point when you’re talking about real psychology. So I won’t include them. I saw some other people already told you they were wrong.

Hopefully no one agrees with any of the shit you wrote it was a pain to make this post but it was eating at me when I tried to leave it alone so here you have it

[rukakikuchi]

Dreamcatcher "Odd Eye" MV analysis and Dystopia storyline theory

We're finally here! Dreamcatcher has released their newest mini-album, and the final installment of their Dystopia trilogy, "Dystopia: Road to Utopia." With that title, you would think that we'd see the girls reach their happy ending, right?

Well, not exactly. This storyline and what its ending means is much more complicated than a simple "happily ever after". So, before we tie together these three music videos, let's take a look at "Odd Eye" and analyze what's unfolding here.

Cyberpunk dystopia

Right off the bat, the concept for this comeback is something we haven't seen Dreamcatcher do: a cyberpunk concept! They are shown now in a very futuristic looking dystopia with lots of technology.

Even the tree of language, something that was prominent since the "Scream" era, is shown to be affected by this futuristic setting. There are wires connecting to its roots, as if feeding off of it... or perhaps, rather, corrupting it.

In the past, the tree was corrupted by dark magic, which caused people to forget how to say good things and spread harmful words. During the "BOCA" era, they were trying to purify the tree by shutting the mouths of those who were spreading hurtful words, silencing them.

However, with the advancement of technology and social media, hate can spread much faster now. Thus, the tree is being corrupted again, not by dark magic, but because of human technology. Social media, the internet, and television can be extremely influential to a person's mind, thus easily spreading evil.

So, what happens to those who become a target to said evil?

The meaning of the "Odd Eye"

The "odd eye" is another concept that is very prominent in this comeback. After all, it's the title of the leading track. The members even have odd eyes visible in the promotional art (seen more clearly in behind-the-scenes photos), their comeback showcase, and of course, the music video. 

Heck, even the starting position in the choreo is an eye!

But why do they have odd eyes in the first place? Well, through my history with watching various anime, and other K-pop groups *cough*LOONA*cough*, having an odd eye will usually mean one of two things: either you have magical superpowers (or you're a chuunibyou pretending to have powers) or you're a robot/cyborg.

Given we've already established we're in a cyberpunk setting, I'd say the latter is more likely. Yes, I believe that the girls are cyborgs in this setting, and their odd eyes are proof that they're not human.

Gahyeon, in particular, I believe is a special case. Most of the other members I feel like still have their humanity, but Gahyeon is eerily very robotic in her solo scenes. I think she might've lost all her humanity and is more close to a robot (or specifically, android) than any of the other members.

Almost everyone gets one scene that clearly displays their odd eye, namely JiU, Siyeon, Yoohyeon (hers is through her phone), Handong, and Gahyeon. SuA doesn’t “show off” hers, but her odd eye is still there if you look close enough.

The only one who I have trouble finding is Dami. I think this shot of showing someone’s odd eye might be her.

SuA also has some strange looking text written on her face. Maybe it's related to the tree of language?

But more importantly, I think the odd eye's purpose is for the girls to see just how distorted their reality is. The lyrics talk about being deceived by an illusion or lies, only to see and realize the truth about their world.

There's a shot where it shows a poster taped to a wall, and it's a tree with the word "reality" under it.

Siyeon is also in a cage with several TVs and the word "reality" is seen in the static. It might be that the use of social media is brainwashing and distorting everyone's perception of reality, and those who possess odd eyes that can see past the lies become outcasts.

Yoohyeon actually starts out in a room by herself, sitting in a mask shaped chair, with a red liquid in a glass and a TV in front of her. She might've been in that brainwashed mindset that her world was perfect before starting to see the lies and decided to rebel, drinking the red liquid and obtaining her odd eye. Essentially, she ate the forbidden fruit and was cast out of paradise.

No more utopia

Because of their odd eyes, the girls can see just how flawed the society they live in is. What they thought was the utopia they dreamed of turned out to be an illusion. By the end of the song, they realize that they will never stop facing adversity and despair because their ideal utopia does not exist.

Even at the end of the music video, it shows us a final shot of the tree with the text "In the end, the Dreamcatchers could not find the Utopia that they dreamed of."

Although it's a bittersweet ending, the girls themselves actually said this song is a message of hope for people to find their utopia within their hearts. Don't strive to find something perfect, because it doesn't exist. Find something that is real, makes you happy, and is worth living for even if you have to face hardships.

Now that we've analyzed "Odd Eye" on its own, let's see how it ties together with "Scream" and "BOCA" and the overall theme of the Dystopia trilogy.

Three eras of Dystopia

What I find super interesting is that we essentially get three distinct time periods within the Dystopia storyline, showing us three different kinds of "dystopia".

First in "Scream", the music video feels like a fantasy setting, where the girls are a coven of witches. When Gahyeon touched the dark crystal, a curse was released that corrupted the tree and the girls, causing war to break out and hate to spread. In the end, they were consumed by their anger from all the pain they felt.

Then in "BOCA", we are shown a more modern, urban dystopia. The girls are in a city setting, acting as a rebel group trying to silence those spreading harmful words and help heal the tree. They sympathized with those who were hurting and wanted to stop any more tragedy from spreading.

And finally in "Odd Eye", we are in a futuristic setting where technology has taken control of everyone's lives and the girls are now cyborgs realizing utopia is far beyond their reach.

I see these three relating to the "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" proverb. "Scream" is "hear no evil" (they even say "I don't want to scream"), "BOCA" is "speak no evil", and "Odd Eye" is "see no evil".

In all of these videos, the group actually play dual roles: the goddesses who protect the tree of language, and a group of girls who are outcast for different reasons (witches, rebels, or cyborgs).

Their goddess selves did everything they could to heal the tree from the corruption, but the evil became too powerful and they had to watch their own paradise burn away.

JiU even goes from holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, to that bouquet burning while she is now blindfolded. It kind of reminds me of the image of Lady Justice, whose blindfold symbolizes impartiality.

Again, it's a harsh and bittersweet truth of our reality; there is no perfect utopia and there will always be evil in the world. There will be people who face adversity for being different from the norm.

But just because it's not obtainable, doesn't mean we can't still change the world for the better. We need to be mindful of what we say, have more sympathy, and strive for finding true happiness within ourselves, not a false utopia.

===

And that does it for my analysis on "Odd Eye" and the Dystopia trilogy! Ultimately, the storyline in these three MVs were all focused on the toxicity of social media and online hate culture, especially with how it relates to the music industry. It's amazing how Dreamcatcher have crafted this interesting story with such a strong message.

Now that I've finished this analysis, I plan on working on another small theory regarding the Dystopia storyline, so look forward to that when that comes out.

Until then... Stream Odd Eye! Stan Dreamcatcher! 👀

[orsuliya]

Since you do such detailed asks and give a well thought out answers, I want to know your opinion on the Ma brothers. Zilong, Zilu and Zitan. What do you think about them?

Ah, our three intrepid Ma princes... Wait a minute, why three? It's not like we're in a fairytale and while Zitan is certainly a fool, he's not nearly good-hearted enough to play the role of Ivan the Fool.

But seriously, it seems mightily suspicious of Daddy Emperor to sire three sons in quick succession and then, as far as we know, never ever procreate again. He's an Emperor and obviously fertile, so how come the imperial nursery remains so glaringly empty? Could it be that he has no concubines at all except for his beloved Xie Guifei?

Or... has the Empress been aborting babies left and right, and poisoning her way through swathes of women to boot? Not impossible, knowing her temperament, but it doesn't really make sense within the dynamic presented in the drama. Drama!Emperor hates, hates, hates the Wangs and especially his wife, so it's hard to believe he wouldn't have used this juicy tidbit to weaken their influence. In the book Wanru is allowed to run roughshod over Potato's concubines and feed them contraceptives willy-nilly, but that's because Potato doesn't really care. The Emperor, as we see him in the drama, would have found reason enough to care upon being given such an obvious opening to start a smear campaign against his favourite enemy. Stymying the imperial bloodline?! Why, I think it might be a crime and easily provable one at that!

This leaves the other option - perhaps there aren't any concubines in the palace or, if there are, they're not being, pardon my French, bred. It's not that multiple imperial concubines of lower rank aren't a thing in this universe - Potato gets at least two and possibly more after sitting on the throne for a relatively short time. It's a pity we don't know what's the policy on entering the palace. Is there a multi-stage selection process? There is certainly no indication of that! Xie Guifei might have been an attempt to balance out a Wang Empress, Seagull was Zitan's impromptu choice, Miss Screecher was meant to be chosen by Potato outside of any organized selection and the same could be true for Potato's other concubines. Our only outlier might be Zilu's Mom and even then it's rather doubtful she was ever processed properly as it would have required a lot of effort and luck to conceal an already existing pregnancy. No, Zilu's Mom was most probably a gift of 'peace' from one brother to another.

My guess as to what Daddy Emperor is thinking? If Zitan has been his preferred heir from the start and he very well might have been since it never had anything to do with Zitan's actual qualities, then it's possible that he simply didn't protest - or did so in a purely symbolic manner - when the Wangs started limiting his reproductive chances. Why breed competition? We already know he has no use for any sons lacking powerful backing of their maternal clans, see: his treatment of Zilu. And any son with such backing would be a direct threat to his favourite, not to mention a potential upset to the carefully maitained Wang-Ma-Xie balance.

...or it could be that Daddy Emperor really loved Xie Guifei and wanted no other. Seeing as he's strongly implied to spend his nights in her chambers twenty years after their only and last kid was born, this would make a staggering amount of sense. The same principle applies - he'd still not protest Wang tyranny over the inner courts, only he'd do it for Xie Guifei and not for Zitan. It does seem to fit with Daddy Emperor's general mindset. Let the others do open battle and exert all that effort, he'll just sit there, look sage and reap the benefits!

After this rather senseless and overly long prelude, let's finally get to answering your question. Mind you, those are not going to be organized, thoughtful opinions, just my subjective impressions on each and every Ma Prince.

His Imperial Spudness Ma Zilong

The not-so-little Potato that could not, but still tried! Let's start with the elephant in the room, namely his rapist tendencies or the lack thereof. See, I'm convinced that raping Awu wasn't actually in the cards, at least as far as Potato was concerned. Compromising her, sure, just lure her into an emptied palace and cry wolf. Outright raping her, no, if only because Potato is way, way too weak and soft to execute a plan this ruthless in its entirety. Besides, harming Awu to this extent would be risky as all hell and sure to provoke authentic wrath in both Daddy Emperor and Daddy Wang. The Empress is not stupid enough to give her husband the perfect excuse to do away with her son nor to alienate her main supporter in the same move. Even if she was able to force a marriage in the first place, Potato would be pretty much done for politically unless both Daddies suddenly dropped dead. The most she would be able to get would be a grandson in a privileged position, so she'd be back to square one, only with one more female to share power with. No, what Potato did and what Wanru suffered was mostly courtesy of Zilu's suspicious drugs. Not to say Potato isn't a rapist all the same, but I'd argue for diminished capacity.

As for Potato himself in his shining spuddy glory, I truly pity the man. From time to time we see glimpses of the ruler he could have become and whom he still tries to be, and it becomes clear that there was something there worth cultivating. The problem is that nobody could be bothered to even try. Daddy Emperor certainly didn't, leaving Potato pretty much to his own devices and believe me, it had nothing to do with his talents or the lack thereof. Do you remember that lovely family scene at the beginning of episode 1.? You know, the one where Awu, Zilu and Zitan lure Zilong into a trap and then leave him there to lie amidst icy rocks in the middle of winter? He could have easily hit his head and died right then and there. Or get pneumonia and die a little bit later. Does the Emperor care? No, not at all! Baby!Awu isn't that good of a liar, but even if she was, perhaps it would behoove him to actually investigate. Not from any kind of fatherly feeling, let's not expect miracles, but perhaps from political expediency? Yeah, no. And I doubt that was the only incident of this kind. Potato must have known even this early on that his father doesn't care for him, not even like an Emperor should for his eldest male scion. Moreover, there is no way Mommy Dearest wouldn't harp on about the Emperor's negligence in private, further affirming this awful truth in Potato's mind.

Mommy Dearest might care, but her care is no less toxic than Daddy Emperor's open negligence. Potato is her key to power, her only way to win the game of thrones and make all her sacrifices worthwhile... and this is exactly how she treats him. Oh, she loves him well enough as her son, clings to him in his role as Crown Prince and then Emperor, but she doesn't actually like him as a person. And oh boy, does it show! I get it, he's not this perfect shining prince that would justify her long years of suffering, but then I have this feeling she gave up on him the moment he showed himself to be perfectly average. Sure, she offers him (toxic) love and (conditional) support like nobody's business, but there's always this nasty undertone in their relationship. Mommy knows best, don't even try to think on your own, listen to me and only me. It's no wonder that Potato thinks he's perfectly useless and doesn't bother to try and better himself, if he knows that even his own mother sees him as a perfect nincompoop. Uncle Wang's open derision isn't helpful either!

And yet Potato is, deep down, a decent enough man. Better than the average Ma, I'd say. I mean, he has some scruples! They might be really, really tiny, but they're there, even as he's being subjected to a barrage of mental attacks from both his mother and his wife. Why, given proper support and a competent cabinet, he'd make a somewhat ineffective, but decent enough ruler, his handling of the flood crisis shows us this much. Potato's best quality is that he really tries. Oh, he fails, but he's no Zitan, content to sit in his room and mope while the country goes to hell. When it's important, he can make actual decisions! Which he may then go back on (or not), but it still counts. Also, he's not petty. Like, at all. He'd like nothing better than for everybody to get along and have lots and lots of plump babies. Even his decision to do away with Xiao Qi is not motivated by jealousy, no matter how hard Wanru and Mommy Dearest keep pressing on that particular button.

Is he childish? Yes. But then, he's never been given any real responsibility and for years and years languished under the care of a helicopter parent who never forced him to man up nor face actual reality, hence his disillusionment with Wanru, once she stops being this perfect smiling automaton. Is he selfish? Oh yes and it shows nowhere better than in his last will. But even so, such selfishness is pretty much par for the course when it comes to the Mas and at least Potato didn't wreck a country for the sake of personal spite, which puts him way ahead of his father, uncle Jianning and bro Zitan. And perhaps even cousin Zilu, who cared less for the country than for Huanmi.

At the end of the day, our humble root vegetable is a tragic figure. I can't help but pity him every time we see him bloom under somebody's attention. Give that man some respect and he'll pay you back with the same, weird comments about killing you nothwithstanding. And he did give us Miracle Baby, Our Lord and Saviour!

Our beloved Groomzilla, Ma Zilu

Daddy Emperor must have been stupid, high, blind or all of those in order to let Zilu and his beautiful brain slip through his fingers. He was right there, that defenseless, motherless boy and ripe for the taking too! If after years and years of being neglected and treated as an afterthought, after suffering an obvious slight of losing his love on Daddy Wang's say-so, after being allowed to supposedly run wild with no attempt at parental intervention... If after all this Zilu still craved his father's approval in whatever form he could get it, craved it so much that he allowed himself to be led into an obvious trap, then what kind of loyalty might he have offered, had somebody bothered to nurture him properly?

And it's not like his talents were easy to sweep under the rug. It's not until after he's an adult that Zilu takes up the pretense of being a never-do-well; during his adolescence he was still giving it his all, hoping in vain that his father might notice and offer him some sweet, sweet parental validation. Alas. The lack of powerful backing from his maternal family is an obstacle, but not if one actively tries to fight against consort kin clans and their influence. Or is it only the Wangs who are the enemy? Must be so, otherwise why the hell would one not see Zilu's relative independence as his greatest asset? You don't even have to make him Crown Prince to use him; just instill some sense of pride and validation, feed his need for attention and put him behind Zitan's throne. Okay, maybe don't do that last thing, deadly brotherly competition being a whole thing in palace environments, but still, use him! But no, Huanmi remained the only person to actually see and appreciate Zilu for what he was. Is it any wonder he was so absolutely loyal to her that even when it looked like she had attacked him with lethal intent, he still cared about her safety most of all?

And is it any wonder that he expedited his considerable will and brainpower solely for her benefit? I was absolutely floored when I realized that becoming an Emperor wasn't actually his ultimate goal - marrying Huanmi in the biggest, reddest wedding possible was! Even if he needed to drag the more august guests in at swordpoint. Not to say he didn't want to take the throne for his own sake; he absolutely did, but only as far as it served as a big fat fuck you to every person who kept dismissing him out of hand, so basically every person other than Huanmi. Taking the crown was a power fantasy, an idee-fixe of sorts, but for all that keeping a throne in one's basement can be seen as somewhat peculiar, there are very few - if any - signs of actual delusion in Zilu's actions. The throne is not a goal in itself, merely a way to achieve his primary goal, which is to marry the woman he loves, take revenge for Huanmi's sake as much as his own and build a life worthy of her. She's his Empress and by gods, she's going to be the real deal soon enough, no more cosplaying in private villas, however nice it might be!

Ma Zitan, the one and only Master of Mope

With every Ma Prince I become more and more convinced that there was something seriously wrong with Daddy Emperor's brain. Neglecting Potato makes some sense within the greater political picture, letting Zilu lie fallow is the height of foolishness, yet it's more a matter of criminal inaction than actively doing something wrong, but Zitan? Oh, there is no excuse for the way Daddy Emperor chose to deal with Zitan. If the Third Prince was truly his intended heir from the start and there is little reason to believe otherwise - if Wangs are to go then Potato is done for, Zilu was never even considered and Zitan remains the favourite long after showing his complete uselessness - why not try to prepare him for his future role? True, doing so openly might provoke the Wangs, but it's not like there aren't any ways to present such ruler lessons as something else, even a punishment. But no, let's just hope he turns out okay all by himself!

Now, logically reasoning, if Zitan was Daddy Emperor’s favourite and the prince he originally wanted as his heir, then Zitan should be given all possible help, right? So why wasn’t he taught any actual skills, whether in governance or in military matters? The thing is… they might have tried. In episode 61, when Zitan asks his faithful pair of retainers if he would be able to best Xiao Qi, their first answer is not that he’s the Emperor so it’s a given. Well, that too, but the first, immediate response? You studied the art of war. Which, okay, might be a reasonable guess when it comes to any prince, but those retainers are rather young and only recently-promoted. Before their soujourn at the Imperial Mausoleum they probably served somewhere within the wider imperial household, but not close enough to any great personage to be knowledgeable about what the princes might or might not have studied. Also, that answer, should Zitan’s lessons be limited to his early childhood, would make them look like idiots or bootlickers of the worst sort. But let’s say that Zitan actually studied the art of war and did so longer than his brothers. Or, alternatively, with more famous masters. That would naturally be a subject of some talk, if only within the imperial household itself. If so, then the female retainer, who seems rather astute in general, gave the best answer she could give.

Okay, so maybe somebody actually tried to help Zitan along. It still failed. Zitan at twenty or so is singularily useless and strangely unambitious, and no, calligraphy doesn't count as useful, not if one is an imperial prince and Emperor-to-be!

It's not Zitan's uselessness or even his refusal to feel any kind of reponsibility for his own people (as shown in the Huizhou arc) I have the most issue with. Although the latter is simply disgusting. And... really, really short-sighted. If Huizhou falls, as it surely must, Jianning and Co. get a clear way to the capital, leaving Xiao Qi to play deadly catch-up. Which means that Zitan's family is pretty much done for. Now, he might not care about Potato and Zilu, but surely he should feel something towards his father? Some filial piety, if not actual love? But no, screw the people of Huizhou and screw Daddy Emperor. Still, does he think that Jianning wouldn't pursue him to the ends of the earth in order to eradicate a potential claimant?

No, what really angers me is the way Zitan treats the women he claims to hold dear. And I'm not even speaking of Awu, although it's rather obvious that he cares little for her internality and rather more than is healthy for his idealized image of her. Xie Guifei dies for him, which is not his fault in the least... or is it? See, I'm pretty sure that Zitan's insistence on marrying Awu despite his mother's reservations was what provoked the Wangs to take certain... steps. Provoking a power struggle is all fine and good, if you're at least somewhat prepared for the consequences. Zitan is no fifteen year old well-bred young lady, he's an imperial prince right in the middle of a delicate balance of power, how the hell does he not know or care about possible ramifications? Naivety is theoretically not a crime, but that surely is criminal naivety. Which begs the question - how hard was that boy coddled by his mother? My guess is a lot. But Xie Guifei is but a trifle compared to the elephant in the room.

Xie Wanru. Xie Wanru, who supported Zitan as much as she could while being in a precarious situation herself. And whom he had no problems with asking for further support, going as far as to aim for the throne, disregarding her own and her children's potential interests. Xie Wanru, who didn't make the first move, even knowing Zitan to be a potential threat to her and hers. Xie Wanru, whose baby got a full portion of avuncular love in form of actual torture and was lucky to get away with his life. Xie Wanru, his sister, whose ghost must have screeched with fury upon hearing Zitan laud himself as this paragon of brotherly feelings in comparison to the well-intentioned Turnip.

Oh, and he just sat there like an offended child while the country kept sliding into chaos, simply because some evil old men didn't let him kill Cheng's entire army with his sheer incompetence. Those dastardly old bastards! Let them scramble around and let the people in the provinces keep dying; they all deserve this for not recognizing Zitan's awesomeness! I'm not saying he should have fixed everything. I'm saying he should have done the bare minimum. He killed a brother for that throne, now he should actually do something with it. Other than purposefully provoking the only guy who actually restored peace and stability simply because the man happens to be married to Zitan's first love.

I'm sorry, I cannot with Zitan. There's a lot more to be said about that twerp, much of which has already been said, but at this point refraining from plowing on it's a matter of mental hygiene.

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[wickedsrest-rp-archive]

Supernatural Diseases - Shifters

Note: Please message us if you plan on using these! We just want to coordinate to make sure there’s no doubling up at the same time.

General:

Stuck Shift: For those who can shift at will, a stuck shift is when an individual is stuck between their two forms, which can be very painful and make it hard for the person to function. Generally resolves on its own with time, but there may be some lotions sold on Amity Road that can speed things up.

Balam:

Chronic hairballs, obviously.

Apotheon: The balam suffers from the feeling that they are something divine that was broken into many pieces, and begins to exhibit deific delusions of grandeur and a sense of creeping loss. There isn’t a known cause to this condition, and it can be difficult for a balam to get out of this mindset. However, they can be shaken from it if something forces them to come to grips with their own mortality.

Toxoplasmosis magicii: A magical parasite much like the normal cat parasite, that is completely harmless to the jaguar form and can cause fever, body aches, swollen lymph nodes while a balam is in human form. This results in an increased desire to stay in the jaguar form for longer and longer periods. Can be treated with selkie slime.

Bugbear:

Fear Toxicity: Fear begins to be toxic to the bugbear, usually derived from not feeding enough. Over time, the bugbear will grow gradually sicker as they continue to feed, and eventually they will be completely unable to feed on fear, leading to inevitable starvation. In the short term, this causes their illusion powers to not function properly, and in the long term it is deadly. Fortunately, there’s an easy enough cure -- receiving a nightmare from a mara.

Scare-bies: Caused by small, supernatural mites that burrow under the skin. They’re extremely itchy, and after a time, will even cause patches of hair to fall out in a bugbear’s bear form, giving them a mangey appearance. These mites can impair a bugbear’s ability to cast illusions, making it difficult -- even impossible -- for them to feed properly. Over time this can lead to starvation and even death. Fortunately, scare-bies can be treated by special ointment made from mara blood and grounded up yeth hound tentacles. This smothers the mites until they crawl out of the skin. It’s important that every bit of infected skin is covered by the ointment otherwise the infection will spread once more.

Ursus Mane: More unpleasant and awkward than anything else, Ursus Mane is caused by a virus that affects hair growth. In bear form, afflicted bugbears are completely hairless, leaving their skin vulnerable to the elements and anyone who would do them harm. In human form, these unfortunate bugbears are covered in a thick coat of bear hair, resembling the most extreme cases of hypertrichosis. This can be treated with the use of supernatural steroids that gradually return the hair to its rightful form.

Kitsune:

Elemental Shifting: The kitsune will shift elements uncontrollably and without warning. This is particularly problematic not only to the kitsune but to others. i.e. A river kitsune suddenly with thunder powers would not know how to use their powers. The exact cause of the condition is not known, but it’s likely highly magical, and will typically resolve itself over time -- hopefully before something disastrously wrong happens.

Kitsunebi: Part of the mythological association between kitsune and will-o-wisps may stem from this relatively harmless ailment, wherein a kitsune who uses their powers very liberally may have will-o-wisps gravitate to their location. The wisps do not harm the kitsune, but it makes it hard to move inconspicuously. Refraining from using their magic for an extended period will cause the will-o-wisps to drift away over time. 

Inari’s Void: The kitsune’s fox-shaped shadow takes on a “mind of its own” and begins attacking people in range, possibly even leading to peoples’ deaths. On some level, the shadow may be acting out the kitsune’s worst impulses. This seems to be brought on randomly in places with large amounts of spiritual or magical energy, especially if the energy is corrupted in some way. The effects linger even once the kitsune leaves the location, but they will dissipate on their own over time. 

Lamia:

Medusa Trichoptilosis: The lamia begins to grow snakes on their head. They don't harm the lamia but could prove a nuisance, such as trying to bite a passerby. This condition may cause some sensory overload to the lamia as they’re now able to see, hear, and smell from multiple locations on their head, which can be disorienting. The snake heads must be painfully chopped off, and after the lamia’s next shed, all will be well.

Dysecdysis/Stuck Shed: If a lamia is not well-fed or exposes themselves to poor environmental conditions, they may have a hard time shedding their skin. This can cause the old skin to painfully adhere to the new one underneath, which looks pretty awful and is very uncomfortable for the lamia. Over time this corrects itself, but sometimes the new skin becomes somewhat damaged in the process.

Clogged Venom Glands: If a lamia doesn’t use their venom for too long, it may harden and clog inside of the gland. This is painful, and causes swelling in the face and neck. While the glands are swollen they can’t use their venom, and they may need some magical assistance to gradually free the glands. 

Selkie:

Sensory Inversus: Caused by a parasite, Sensory Inversus makes the senses of the selkie become acute above ground, and dulled underwater. This results in increased light sensitivity, whiskers growing in human form, and overly sensitive hearing in human form. Additionally, this makes it dangerous for the selkie to be in seal form, because those senses are needed underwater. Specific potions made of mermaid fins can treat it.

The Skin Crawls: Selkies start experiencing an intense desire to wear someone else’s skin, usually not another selkie’s. It starts as a subconscious off-hand thought, then slowly grows over time until it's all encompassing. The feeling will go as soon as the selkie puts on someone else’s skin (...After carefully peeling it off their victim who will likely die). The other treatment would be using the skin from a well-formed mermaid.

“Donkeyskin”: Caused by a fungal infection that can get into the pelt if not cared for properly, making it fit weird, and causing the limbs to not all transform properly. This can feel strange in the water, and makes the selkie look a little like a mutant seal monster. While not necessarily painful, it is irritating and a little itchy when interacting with the selkie goo. The infection can be treated by soaking the skin in a bath made from warm water and selkie mucus for 15-24 hours. Should it be left untreated, the damage to the skin will be left irreversible. 

Siren:

Witherwings: Sirens must be particularly careful about selecting their prey, otherwise they may face consequences. Many normal humans and other supernatural individuals can be carriers for Witherwings, which has no presenting symptoms in non-siren individuals. However, once a siren has consumed an individual with the virus, they will experience fever, itching, and discover that their feathers will begin to fall out. If not treated soon enough, a siren can permanently lose their feathers. Treatment for Witherwings include topical oils with bits of crushed phoenix feather.

Omnitone: A strange phenomena can occur where sirens lose the ability to control their mesmerizing musical abilities. Instead of being able to actively turn on their powers, sirens will find they are enthralling people with their speaking voice and those under their power are prone to dangerous levels of obsession. Drinking lemon tea mixed with eintykára honey is the common practice of getting rid of this affliction.

Mushmouth: (Teeth horror tw) Particularly messy eaters in the siren community should be aware of Mushmouth, a very annoying but minor disease of the mouth. Similar to cavities, too much accumulated iron will cause siren teeth to begin to rot and even fall out. A diet of only fae (as they don’t have iron blood) can allow them to avoid this condition. Mushmouth is easily avoided by regular flossing, brushing of teeth, and general dental hygiene. Once afflicted, sirens must refrain from eating flesh and rinse nightly with a brine made with mermaid scales.

Werewolf:

WereFleas: While werewolves may not be prone to dog fleas (the jury is out on that one) they do have their own flea species to worry about. If this mutant kind of flea bites a werewolf, an uncontrollable itch occurs. The fleas will live in the fur (or hair) of an individual and reproduce there, worsening the problem. If left untreated, this causes numbness in the areas of the bites. Strangely enough, this can be treated with regular dog/flea removal.

Úlfhéðnar: A rare disease stemming from wolfsbane consumption, the werewolf begins to feel the wolf within overshadowing their humanity, often getting the feeling that their human shape is ‘false’ or some fake skin they are ‘wearing.’ Their senses sharpen beyond the werewolf norm but animalistic behaviors, sometimes violent ones, begin to increasingly creep into their human life, and the onset can be quite rapid. This can go all the way to losing the capacity to understand human language, and walking on all fours. One of the better treatments for this is to proactively re-engage with human life, almost pushing away the wolf side as much as possible. This can be dangerous if the violent behaviors are already an issue, and may result in the werewolf losing touch with their wolf side around the full moon.

Osteolupinus: (Chronic illness tw) Wolves get afflicted with a joint and bone disorder which makes turning more painful than usual, and can result in imperfect transformations -- for example, the skin and musculature changing but not the bones, or vice versa. Not only is this painful, but it can inhibit movement, and can be an issue in either direction of the transformation. Can be treated by eating the bones of a bonedoggle, zombie, or banaspati.

[miracleanchor]

Men Giving Rape Threats To 5y.o. Ziva Dhoni ‘Coz Her Father Performed Badly Shows Our Sick Society.

Mentality of men in Indian society has reached a new low with many disgruntled cricket fans giving MS Dhoni’s 5-year-old daughter rape threats because her father is not playing well enough. Cricket is one game that unites our entire country. Fans go crazy for their favourite teams and their favourite cricketers. It’s very common for angry fans to lash out on the crickets and blame them for match-fixing if they lose a match. But one more thing that has become very common with the advent of social media is giving violent threats to a cricketer’s wife or girlfriend if he doesn’t perform well. Rape threat to a 5 year old?! In a recent disturbing incident, our society has stooped down to its utmost low. On Wednesday after Chennai super Kings lost a match to Kolkata Night Riders in the ongoing Indian Premier League, CSK’s captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s Instagram post comments were filled with rape threats. These threats of rape and physical violence were directed towards his 5-year old daughter Ziva Dhoni. Read that again! Several comments were giving out rape threats to 5 year old Ziva. Mind you, not one, not two but several comments were made in the same vein. I can’t stress this enough. Trolls gave rape threats to a 5 year old girl because her father did not perform well in a few matches! This is not just sickening but is also a mirror to the toxic masculinity and rape culture that breeds in our society. Something that makes it very easy for 40-year-old men to send out casual rape threats to a 5-year-old kid. A mentality that makes men think that abusing women is the only way of venting out anger and frustration. Thankfully the internet did not take this lightly. After MSD’s Instagram comment section was filled with such disgusting comments several users on Twitters condemned the incident. Why is it so easy to send out rape threats? According to recent data provided by the NCRB, an average of 87 rape cases were reported in India per day in 2019. Note the word ‘reported’. The real numbers can easily be much bigger, given the abysmal rates of reporting rape in a country that stigmatises the survivor, not the perpetrator. Despite this data being out there for everyone to see, in our country, men dare to casually send out rape threats. If they don’t agree with a woman they’ll send out a rape threat, if they don’t like something a man did they send out rape threats to his mother, wife or daughter. There is just no fear at all. In our so-called modern world, even today shamefully, sexual violence is often considered a way to avenge any kind of insult or injury. This notion leads to women being treated as ‘property’ and their ‘sexual purity’ being held synonymous with the family/clan ‘honour’ and most cases self-honour as a woman. This is the very reason that behind anonymous tags trolls have been shamelessly sending out rape threats to vent their anger. There is no curbing to stop them, they cannot be identified, and the very reason that they feel that raping a woman is right is what gives them the courage to type such horrifying messages. What can be done? On a platform level to curb cyber bullying, social media platforms can take proactive measures and zero-tolerance against online sexual harassment and abuse. Accounts doing so should be completely taken down. Platforms should work to make the internet a safe space, representative of equality and opportunity, and not one filled with sexual predators. One where women shouldn’t feel unsafe just looking at their screens. Secondly, real-life actions and arrests should be hassle-free. Finally, a mindset change has to be bought. It’s high time we teach our boys to respect women rather than try to abuse them. Rape is a heinous crime. And to use it to threaten someone or to show your anger just shows the deep-rooted patriarchal mindset of society. Something which believes in harming the ‘woman’ of the family to take revenge from someone. This incident is not just sick and disturbing it’s also a mirror to our society. On how we are raising our men!

[papers4me]

fellow fruba friend here! What are your expectations on what each of the four main characters will achieve or gain at the end?

hi fellow furuba friend! by the main four, I suppose you mean yuki, kyo , tohru & shigure! All the traumatized characters in furuba deserve all the best & everything good given to them. They are all genuinely broken souls & I love them all. However, not everybody will actually be given everything for realistic reasons.

(1)-I’ll start with the easiest: Yuki. Yuki’s wish was stated so early in SE01, ep12 & ever since things have been moving so straight forward towards his goal: discovering his own self, finding friends who accept him w/o a mask & finding love. As Se02 is heavily focused on him, he got all that & more. it is very clear that the writer has decided that Yuki is the character that will get everything:

He opened his lid, faced akito & his fears & started laughing more.

He is shedding his mask & the prince persona.

He realized his familial feelings to tohru.

He accepts & supports tohru/kyo as couple & doesn’t feel envy/sadness.

He faced his mother calmly & decided his future. Altho he doesn’t need her any more, it is clear that he is civil with her & doesn’t blame her. She thinks of him as a tool that helps her glows & I’m sure she views his success as part of her & in the future, she’ll proudly say that’s my son if he was brought as a topic in any social gathering. My point is, given yuki’s stance to forgive the past, he won’t cut ties with her.

He completely forgiven his brother & is proud of him publicly.

He got a friend who is a mix of the two person yuki envies the most : kyo & aya. Also, kakeru is very designed to fit yuki in every way, so even if yuki never got anymore friends, kakeru is the one for life.

Altho yuki’s story could still be good without romantic love in canon as it can be hinted as sth he’ll get once he’s in college, he is getting a romantic love now with someone who doesn’t pity him nor admires him, sees the real him. Someone whom yuki can be a “tohru” to her & “support” her & be a “kyo” to her in the same way he’s been observing kyo & envying him for being the only one to see the real tohru. Yuki will be the only one to see the real machi.

What more can I say...What more can the writer give yuki.. I’ve been thinking hard... but I duno...perhaps sth to do with kyo & their views of each other.

I’ll leave number #10 open cuz I’m sure there’s more the writer will give him..but I duno regarding which character...um... shigure? The writer has been impersonating yuki so much in Se02 & giving us direct lessons thro his voice as much as I wish she tones it down as this disrupts the flow of a story, making yuki speaks on behalf of other characters whose voice has been blocked, it also doesn’t trust the viewers/readers to “learn the lesson” without directly given to them. So I’m positive 100% there will be more yuki telling us learned lessons us especially after critical moments similar to some of SE02 big eps.

(2)-Kyo: Kyo is always given one ep of inner thoughts per season. However, each ep is big & so influential for both his character development & the story’s plot as a whole. His thoughts were essentially blocked at first for mystery reasons due to his involvement with kyoko but ever since Se02, ep9 it was exposed that he knows her, it’s now blocked for building the “climax” reasons. However, the writer is skilled in writing kyo as a character that is easily read, someone who doesn’t know how to act, so you can decipher his feelings from his actions. I don’t mind him not giving inner thoughts if his actions can replace that & communicate his feelingsto the viewers  which is so well-done with kyo but badly done with tohru,(but more on tohru later). what I expect for kyo... it is hard to say!!! It depends on how the writer will solve kyoko’s damned “ I won’t forgive you” words!!! Cuz i see this as one of the most difficult plot twists & obstacles. Kyo’s issues are different from yuki. It isn’t abt self discovery, warmth, or finding friendship or love. It is abt having a right to live, guilt & believing that he isn’t harmful, kyo knows that there are few ppl who loves him but to him these few ppl are the most important ppl in the world, he doesn’t want to hurt them. His life experiences has taught him that his loved ones always end up dying in his place. he carries immense guilt & self-loath. So what to expect... i duno.. Moreover, kyo being the opposite of yuki, so I don’t think he’ll be given everything even if he, just like yuki, deserves everything good. There are things in kyo’s life that cannot be fixed.

Kyo will for sure open his lid, but it will be ugly cuz he’ll have to confess abt his mom’s suicide & him witnessing/being involved in kyoko’s death. He’ll have to tell tohru kyoko’s devastating words & her last painful moments. I duno what to expect beside pain!!!!

“forgiveness/ or lack of ” is kyo’s theme!! will tohru forgive him?? I duno! I find it hard to believe tohru-my-mom-is-my-idol” will do that unless sth changes. But It really doesn’t matter if tohru does or doesn’t, cuz kyo himself will NEVER forgive himself!! There’s comfort in being punished. ppl with genuine hearts & conscious, don’t like escaping punishment for their wrong deeds. If kyo believes truly that he’s at fault somehow, he’ll want to be punished.  

Kyo has stated that “ I won’t take anything away from you anymore” thinking abt tohru. He has given up on her cuz he believes he took her mom from her. His thought process is very realistic & his actions are very logical & matches his trauma, so I don’t know where this will lead to.. I know the writer won’t be cruel with him more than his story already is, but it is so complicated!!!! He can’t accept tohru’s love!! she shouldn’t!!

Unlike yuki’s mother, kyo’s father refuses anything regarding kyo & doesn’t even consider him human. He pushes forward for his imprisonment. I don’t see the writer giving kyo’s father the tiny redemption moment she gave yuki’s mom. Nothing will make kyo’s dad be proud of kyo as he considers kyo to be the cause of all his misfortune. Kyo’s dad is the person kyo shouldn’t & mustn't become. However, kyo got another father who truly loves him & is already proud of him. I love that the writer didn’t cut off kyo’s attachment to his bio dad simply caz he got shisho. Kyo’s dad is a huge reason of why kyo is traumatized. it is not the curse itself. it is the toxic broken home. Every toxic thought in kyo’s mind is imprinted there since early age intentionally by his dad & unintentionally by his mom. So how do I expect kyo will overcome his mom’s gohst & his dad’s demon? I duno too! T_T. ..XD.

his mom & kyoko are dead. If kyo believes he’s the reason...how he’ll ask forgiveness?? I love the theme of dealing with broken things that can’t be fixed. The writer will forever be one of my best authors if she convinced me that she can handle such tough theme.

I feel like I’m repeating I duno a lot, but yeah kyo’s story could go so many directions!!!! but I have trust that wherever it goes, it will be as satisfying as yuki’s. The writer has chosen to put kyo’s behind for epic climatic showdown, it will be thrilling, painful, dramatic & so satisfying. kyo will not be furuba’s tragic ending, the writer showed she prefers ’s optimistic & positive paths despite the trauma. Besides, kyo is tied to tohru, no way such kind soul will be crushed twice by losing her mom & her first love.

(3)-Tohru: The female protagonist with everything individual & personal abt her pushed until Se03 with the most minor foreshadowing & the most trivial symbolism. lol..She doesn’t have eps of inner thoughts abt her own issues like yuki & she doesn’t have big influential eps abt her like kyo... what did she have so I can predict: (a) the nightmare which tells us tohru is still grieving her mom’s loss & (b) the little flashbacks where it shows sth bad traumatized her when she was a baby & it involves her mom locking her? or sth. (c) tohru telling rin that she has things she can’t give up. I don’t have predictions for tohru. I have wishes. I want her to want things for herself. screw the curse, the sohma’s issues, the mom-tohru, the savior-tohru, the supporting-tohru. All that is typical tropes done many times already. Give me a unique female protag who can be kind, but is hurt by her own kindness, someone so altruistic & realizes that I can choose my self first!!! it is okay to be first for once!! Give me someone who even after showing the world I’m okay & optimistic is NOT okay & optimistic but is actually scared & lonely despite all the love surrounding her by the ppl she “saved”. a female protag pursuing her OWN happiness shrewdly but kindly in the most epic combination! This is the tohru I want. how she’ll decide to forgive kyo? I duno. I’ll cheer if she did & I’ll cheer if she didn’t. both situations suit tohru’s mindset.

(4)-Shigure:big giant I duno...lol.. I need to understand this dude first!! He’s the most intriguing. 

[ramblingguy54]

Mr. Universe Breakdown

Mr. Universe is quite a delicate story to break down, given its a clash of two different parenting ideals of being too strict vs too relaxed that are showcased in what starts off as a fairly wholesome bittersweet father & son bonding montage with nice callback to Dear Old Dad over their moments together on the road trip outta Beach City, which leads them to what Greg considered to be nothing more than a prison. His old parent’s house, where he grew up in for the past 20 years before wanting to become more independent.

 One of the things that was honestly adorable, yet also very heartbreaking, was seeing Steven light up at all of his father’s childhood and teenage stuff Greg had the opportunities to experience with what was as normal as a person’s life could possibly be. Steven’s beyond ecstatic because of course he never got to experience any of those things in his very uncanny childhood, while Greg just writes it all off as being roped into all those past activities like manipulation by his parents. I mean, not to disregard whatever other stuff Greg had to put up with, but getting a haircut for graduation before a music gig isn’t that bad for example when it comes to dealing with your parents ideals. Although, never being able to live your life or enjoy all kinds of things in general as you transition into a more self-reflective phase, since those authority figures envision something different for you can become something toxic if not careful. In Greg’s case, it was obviously wanting to become a musician, which they were strongly against that idea, so anything music was banned in their household. To an extent, I totally get why they’d be concerned about Greg trying to make it as a musician, considering we all know he drifted around for quite awhile and never got a big break in his life, until finally meeting Pink Diamond. Seeing how lazy Greg was in his youth from episodes like, Greg the Babysitter, leads me to believe his parents were along the lines of that classic mindset, “Being strict to inspire hard work and determination in their son.”, where he was more rebellious and stubborn against that very notion. What his parents saw as pure intentions, Greg saw a mindset he never wanted to instill toward his own kid, leaning more on the hands free angle of letting Steven have the freedom to make his own decisions.

A wrestling trophy? I didn’t know you wrestled!

Not by choice...

Despite how much Greg strongly disagreed with his parents strict environment, his relaxed non-strict approach to raising Steven also had similar consequences, except they’re obviously much worse for this poor boy’s case. Considering the very nature of who Pink Diamond was and what that resulted in making Steven a lot more different than any other human being or gem as a special hybrid, ended up leaving this kid with a shit ton of responsibilities to handle from the get go, as well as serious insecurities about fitting into the bigger picture of reality, too. Whatever issues Greg had to deal with growing up are a mole hill compared to the galaxy sized self-esteem issues and bitterness Steven is struggling with currently. This severely blows up in Greg’s face when he lets Steven drive his car. Once Seven learns the origin that he got his name Universe from a song, it all goes down hill from there. Greg may have given him more freedom to do whatever and go wherever he desired sure, but that came at the expense of so much more in the process. Whether you’re too strict or lenient as a parent, each far end of the spectrum can be disastrous for any child under their care and Greg’s easy going idea of what it means to be a father is backfiring greatly.

You grew up with actual freedom.

I grew up in a van! I didn’t go to school. I’ve never been to the doctor, until two days ago!

Steven, you’re a gem! You’re not like other kids!

My problem isn’t that I’m a Gem! My problem is that I’m a Universe!

The unfortunate truth sometimes is that history of a family mistake can repeat itself. Greg tried to prevent making the same issue his parent’s did by deviating from their seriously strict and uptight rules, by having no real restrictions attached at all with Steven, but that only fanned the flames of a bigger fire to come down the road. He needed Greg to provide some sort of balance because Steven’s not your every day average kid and he absolutely did try to through having the Crystal Gems teach/discipline him, but that’s the biggest problem here. They’re not exactly competent parental figures to turn to for emotional support, so it only led to either Steven getting traumatized in certain events or having to help resolve big conflicting issues going on between Garnet, Amethyst, or Pearl throughout the other five seasons previously. Honestly, I seriously doubt Steven could’ve ever managed to go to school at all back then, due to how crazier things got for him as time went on, which that’s more or less the point. Steven’s origins of creation and the Gem war has robbed him of all those childhood joys any kid deserves to experience that one chance in their lives.

The line, “My problem is that I’m a Universe!”, was one of the details that struck me most about this episode. It’s more than just animosity toward his father, but represents his own self-internalized criticism of being unable to live up to this name he was born with. Steven’s always been asked to live up to the high standards of Rose back then from the Crystal Gems and always looked up to Greg with a lot of pride. Although, now that Steven is trying to figure out who he actually is as an individual, instead of the whole is he exactly like his mother deal, leaves him unsure if he’ll ever be able to achieve any of that greatness that the others have finally reached. That statement resonates so strongly with me because who doesn’t feel that way about living up to the birth name all of us were given when we’re brought into this world? It can be the most awful feeling when others are succeeding more than what you’ve managed to accomplish and feeling like you’re letting not only yourself down, but the family who gave you this name, too. Easily my favorite line of dialogue from Mr. Universe right here.

Mr. Universe was a very interesting study in how both parenting style extremes whether strict or laid back can have serious affects on the kids and create a cycle that will spread like wild fire that can do more harm than good, as shown with Greg & Steven here. Like, the fact that Greg actually praises Steven for ripping into him that harshly made me raise an eyebrow. Look, I appreciate that you’re trying to keep an open mind to your son Greg, but now is not the time for the friendly parent routine. This kid is showing you years of animosity & PTSD.

He needs a seriously in-depth conversation with you, man.

[skvaderarts]

Chapter Fourteen: Consternation

You can check out the Masterlist Here for more links to places to read!

Chapter Fourteen: Consternation

Note: I wanted to thank you all again for your support. Seeing each and every one of you come back every week to read my writing makes me smile every time I think about it. It’s the best feeling in the world to know that you’ve created something that appeals to others as much as it appeals to you. Thank you all again.

-~-

The ground rumbled, sending a booming wave of vibration reverberating through the entirety of the first two floors of the castle like thunder shaking a monumental skyscraper. As the doors groaned loudly, protesting their separation, air hissed through from the other side of the door as if an airlock had been opened. It had been an exceedingly long time since anyone had come here, and the bitter cold had practically sealed the place shut. As the door pried itself open, it suddenly came to a stop, leaving just enough space for them to slide through. In a way, it was almost as if the castle had realized that it was being entered and had made an effort to stop its intruders.

Nero considered the risks of stepping through for a moment, still determined to find a way inside. He glanced up at the towering structure that stood before him. There were windows and balconies everywhere he looked, but they’d have to scale several sheer walls to reach them, and that was debatably just as bad of an idea as trying their luck with the front door. The castle had always seemed to possess a strange sort of sentience, doors locking and unlocking with a frightening level of autonomy. And that was to say nothing about the ridiculous amount of wards and spells safeguarding the damn place that were still active. There was no guarantee that it wouldn’t close the doors on them while they were in the process of going through them.

While Nero contemplated the risks associated with either decision, something occurred to him. Most of his life, he could’ve been charitably described as reckless. In high-risk situations that were more likely to end in death than victory, he was normally the first to waltz in, insults and swagger at the ready. But since losing Credo a few years back and more recently his arm (which had thankfully regrown) he had actually started to take the time to consider the risks involved before he enacted one of his plans. At least on occasion. There was no denying the fact that when he chose to do something, it had an effect on the people he was closest to, even if they were not present. If he didn’t come back, they would be worse for it, especially Kyrie and the kids. And in this case, he had agreed to bring V to one of the most fickle and dangerous places possible with only him for protection. Magnolia has said that his abilities would slowly return in the coming days and weeks, but the important thing to note was that they were still dormant as of now. What would V do if he was backed into a corner or they became separated? Nero didn’t really want to think about it. When had V’s fatalistic personality rubbed off on him?

The younger of the two stopped for a moment, trying to rid himself of the possibility of failure. If he went in with that sort of toxic mindset, he was doomed to fail. It was as simple as that. And he utterly refused to allow any harm to come to V. It didn't take a mental giant to come to the conclusion that V didn't’ trust very easily, so the fact that they were here at all spoke volumes to the kind of faith V had placed in his abilities. It was borne partially out of necessity and desperation, but that was still significant. Neither of them were weak or stupid, and they both shared a similar issue with putting their lives in the hands of others, even if they trusted that individual implicitly. Nero had taken on a sort of silent promise the moment he had agreed to this, being that he was the only one present who was capable of defending himself. So long as they were within the walls of this castle, V was his responsibility. The thought made him shudder slightly. 

While he had defeated the very worst that this place had to offer (at least to his knowledge) he still didn’t care for the idea that V was essentially helpless. When they had been in Redgrave City together, V had been surprisingly self-sufficient for a person who walked with a cane. At first glance, the most dangerous thing about him was his wit; the second most intimidating thing being his height. V towered over an average person, even when slumped over on his cane. And despite the fact that he was perhaps the most physically vulnerable out of all of them, he had volunteered to stay behind for the month that Nero had spent away in an effort to find a way to become stronger, trying to hold back the tilde wave of demons that had sought to overtake the city and then the rest of the human world by extension. The fact that V had been capable of doing that with abilities he barely understood and summons that he had only recently acquired from what he could tell astonished him. They seemed to be relatively close in age, after all. Where had this stark contrast in their abilities come from? Were the older members of their bloodline simply born with a disposition towards higher amounts of power? Vergil had been a nightmare to take down, after all. Every fight with Urizen had been totally draining in every way conceivable. The possibility of an opponent stronger than Dante had been unfathomable, but his own twin had been happy to rise to the challenge. Nero couldn’t help but wonder just how strong V had the potential of being if he himself was anything to go by. Without his physical limitations, what was he capable of? Or was that a limitation at all? Just how evenly matched were they?

Nero spent a moment lost in his thoughts while V stood quietly next to him, The eldest of the two admiring the building before them. Yes… there was simply something to this place, wasn’t there? V inched forward, wishing now that he had Shadow at his disposal. He could make short, effortless work of this issue with her present. While he had gotten around just fine on his own two feet for years, the quick burst of speed that the demonic panther had provided never ceased being useful. A part of him wondered what his familiars were up to, despite the fact that he already knew they were no longer a part of this realm. Griffon and Shadow had been in a sorry state when he had decided to make a contract with them. The two of them couldn’t have survived very long without him to anchor them here. In a way, that was the beauty of the situation that they had found themselves in. Their entire union had been born of necessity and co-dependence. Any chance of treachery or falsehoods had evaporated the moment that they had attached their markings to his skin, for without his lifeforce, they would not be long for this world.

V shivered slightly, be it a result of the cold weather or his ever treacherous, thoughts he couldn’t say. He adjusted the coat Nero had allowed him to barrow slightly. It was comfortable and well insulated, especially in combination with the black shirt he was currently wearing underneath it. Somehow he always found himself in black clothing. How that happened, he didn’t know. Something about the color (or lack of color) just spoke to him. And that was to say nothing of the fact that it literally matched everything. After he fixed his clothing, he stepped towards the door, carefully assessing it. In theory, the structure shouldn’t shift as long as he didn’t touch it. There was more than enough room for them to pass through without that becoming an issue.

Nero watched V carefully slip through the gap between the doors, somewhat shocked to see him do so before him. He had figured that V would simply wait for him to come to a conclusion as to whether or not it was safe, but he hadn’t done so. But then again, Nero hadn’t been around to help him make all of his decisions his entire life. V was more than capable of coming to his own conclusions. Nero followed closely behind him, noting that he had made a point not to touch the doors. That made sense to him. Perhaps the door wouldn’t move if he just didn’t touch it?

After nearly snagging his coat on the door, Nero joined him inside of the great hall. While the younger man adjusted his coat, V made his way over to one of the displaced pews that sat up against the wall and sat down, clearly awestruck by the structure they stood within. It seemed that his former strength had yet to return to him. Exhaustion was a powerful force to try and fight against, but at least he wasn’t out of breath. Nero walked over and sat down next to him, casually assessing his situation. Just because he knew what was wrong with him didn’t mean that he didn’t care. 

“You good or do you want to wait a while?” Nero asked, his voice betraying the slight bit of worry that he couldn’t quite suppress.

V exhaled, craning his neck to look over at him. He seemed calm and collected, his condition apparently not adversely affecting him too much. “I simply needed to catch my breath,” he said as he stood up,” It would be wise if we started with the library. Do you know where it is from here?”

Nero stood up to join him and nodded, gesturing towards the large staircase at the far end of the room. The magic barriers that had once cordoned off practically everything in this place were gone for the moment, making traversal much simpler than it had been the first time he had been here. From what he could tell, they activated in response to threats or other unknown sources of stimuli, and with the nearby Hellgate in ruins, there wasn’t much to speak of. Not to mention the fact that if Sparda had in fact lived here and had been the one to place the barriers in the first place, they might simply allow them to traverse the grounds unobstructed. Or, at the very least, not immediately try to kill them.

As the duo made their way over towards the staircase, V couldn’t help but notice the condition of the room. Most of the pews were out of place, there were varying sizes of stone debris littering the ground, as well as what looked to be a ridiculously sized chandelier laying destroyed at the top of the stairs next to a large gaping hole in what looked to be a piece of art or something that had once been attached to the wall. He smirked slightly, raising an eyebrow. “Am I to assume this is your handiwork, Nero?” He said sarcastically, obviously already sure as to who had done this.

He made no effort to suppress the snicker slipped past his lips as he recalled the time he had mounted that gaudy thing and launched it through the painting of the former vicar. That sanctimonious bastard Sanctus (lol, just noticed the meaning of his name!) would have been so thoroughly pissed to know that he had destroyed it. Part of him hoped that he had discovered it before he’d sent him on a one way express trip to hell, but another part of him couldn’t care less about how Sanctus felt. That self-righteous prick had got what was coming to him for what he did to Credo and the rest of Fortuna.

“Yea, I did this a couple of years back. Cre-,” Nero stopped, realizing that he wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet,”... Someone I used to look up to sent me to track down Dante right after we first met and that’s how I found Agnus’s lab. What a shitshow that whole thing was…”

V noticed that Nero had stopped in the middle of saying something, but chose not to dwell on it. The younger man struck him as very genuine. V could only assume that if he didn’t want to talk about something (which he clearly didn’t) that there was a good reason for it. He himself had no small number of secrets and deeply repressed issues that he didn’t want to address. There was no room for him to judge others on their personal decisions when it came to these sorts of things. And besides, walking up the stairs without tripping and falling was enough for him to worry about at the moment.

Nero waited at the top of the stairs for him as he carefully made his way up. He wasn’t going slowly, but then again, he wasn’t going very quickly either. Should he be walking on a flat surface at the moment, this would be more of a stroll. But the height that the balcony sat at made this a rather lengthy staircase to navigate. Thankfully the slope was gentle and the stairs were wide. 

“We seem to have a gift for walking into disasters,” V said as he made his way up the stairs,” I’ve heard precious little about what transpired here a short while ago, but none of it sounded very pleasant. Quite the tragedy.”

Nero nodded in agreement, heading towards the door on the far right of the steps. That was an understatement. So many innocent lives had been lost that day. Although the people here had taken most of his life to warm up to him, most of them were very accommodating towards him, now that the Order had been exposed. And even if they hadn’t been, he couldn’t quite bring himself to despise them. No one deserved to die the way so many of them had during that attack. Well, at least no one he knew of currently. A few of the higher-ups in the Order of the Sword might be exceptions to that. Nico’s useless excuse for a father definitely landed on that list.

A thought occurred to him as he examined the door, remembering that it needed an external mechanism to unlock it that was located on a nearby wall. How would things have been different should they have both ended up in the same orphanage as children? Had V always been this frail? Nero knew so little about his life, and the more he thought about it, the more it surprised him just how out of the loop he was. He glanced back at V as he headed over to the lock. He could only imagine that V probably hated stairs. They seemed to give him no small amount of trouble, at least without his cane. As V reached the top of the stairs, Nero took Red Queen off of his back and swung it several times rapidly, lighting up the nodes built into the enchanted gear. It spun rapidly before the little arrows that stuck out of it slammed back into their proper places, locking into position as it glowed bright blue. The blue glyphs that sealed the door blinked in an unusual pattern before dissipating, a loud click signaling that they could now make their way inside. 

V stepped forward, watching in silent curiosity as the seals dropped. This place became more and more interesting every passing moment that they spent inside of it. How fortunate It was that Nero was here with him. He didn’t currently possess a means of unlocking a ward of this nature. Should he have been alone, this would’ve been the end of his journey.

“Is every door in this castle guarded by arcane spells,” V asked, genuinely curious and slightly wary. He was starting to see the possible dangers that Nero had alluded to.

Nero shrugged absentmindedly. “Yea, kinda. And there are secret doors all over the place that go to the stupidest places. One of them is in the library, but it only works one way. You can’t go through it from both sides.”

Before either of them could say anything further, the sound of creaking metal could be heard from nearby. They both glanced in the direction of the gaping hole in the wall, noting that the chandelier was vibrating. A moment later, shards of metal flew every which way and a sound somewhat similar to a buzz saw rang out, disrupting the otherwise peaceful atmosphere. As soon as a path was cleared, several fin-like extremities made their way into the room, followed by a seemingly endless swarm of flying blade-like contraptions. Nero’s breath caught in his throat. In the span of less than a minute, a few dozen Gladius and Cutlass had entered the room. Agnus might have been dead, but apparently his legacy lived on. The laboratory wasn’t too far below them. Were these leftovers from his experiments that had been left to their own devices since their master was now deceased?

While these particular demons were not too much of a challenge to dispatch, Nero was not keen on dealing with them with V directly in the line of fire. The sheer number of them and the combination of surfaces they could cover in an instant made this a deadly match up. V seemed to clue into this, stepping back carefully to open the door. Seeming the instant that he moved, several of the Cutlass deviated from their current path and dived towards them. Nero cursed, drawing Blue Rose to dispatch them before they could make contact. A few well-placed rounds eliminated any plans that the demons may have had of causing any damage. The sound, however, attracted the attention of almost every other demon in the room. They grouped together, swirling into a cylinder as they sped up, the flying monstrosities clearly building momentum for something more dangerous. Nero spared a glance towards V, who didn’t look frightened so much as he looked perturbed and concerned. The summoner had never seen these artificial demons before and had no idea how to combat them. Not that he could anyhow.

As the door creaked open, the swarm of Cutlass made a sharp left and launched themselves at the duo, clearly intending to harpoon them. Nero took aim and fired off several rounds in rapid succession, not a single one missing due to the sheer number of possible points of impact. About a dozen of the winged menaces lodge themselves in the wall and floor around them, clearly demonstrating that they hadn’t become any duller during his infrequent visits. With one well-placed charge shot, Nero managed to cut a swath through his enemies, allowing himself a moment to catch his breath as they diverted and turned to circle back around for another attack. The Gladius seemed to understand their intentions, as they grouped together and joined them, seemingly preparing to pull off some sort of coordinated attack.

Nero and V had absolutely no intention of sticking around to see what they had planned.

The second they were given an opportunity, Nero shot one last charged shot into the group of demons in an effort to dissipate and slow them and they both bolted through the door. Closing it behind them immediately became problematic as the barrage of demons attempted to follow them through, forcing the door to stay open. Nero and V both braced themselves against the door to try and hold it shut while Nero used his free hand to shower the bladed terrors in hot led, realizing quickly that it was going to do very little against the Gladius if they managed to slip through.

“V, can you make it to the other door,” Nero asked as she quickly gestured towards the balcony exit on the far side of the art gallery,” We can’t hold them off that much longer!”

That depends,” V said almost too calmly as he tried not to slide down towards the floor, his meager frame straining under the effort required to help hold the demons at bay,” are you coming with me?”

Nero didn’t need to ask if V was willing to leave here without him. No. No, he wasn’t. His question implied that simply in the manner that it was asked. Without even needing to say it, he had just told him everything that he needed to know about the extent of their relationship, at least from V’s perspective. Despite their situation, Nero was genuinely touched, if not a bit surprised by how transparent V was being with him. Perhaps he didn’t want to potentially end their relationship on a bad note? Regardless, Nero nodded. “Don’t worry, I’m right behind you.”

V paused for a moment, giving him a hesitant but believing look. He didn’t think Nero would lie to him. A second later he bolted towards the door, leaving Nero alone to try to hold them off until he could unlock the second one. The younger of the two immediately felt the difference in the weight he was trying to hold back, somewhat surprised at how much V had actually contributed to keeping the door closed. He slid back for a moment before forcing himself forward, unwilling to let the door open. Just a moment later, V managed to get the door open and Nero rushed towards him, fully aware that they had to get the second door closed before the hoard pursuing them managed to reach them.

He slipped through after V, sliding to a stop at a few Cutlass managed to slip through the cracks before they could close the door. As the door slammed shut, they were both blasted off their feet and into the balcony railing by a barrage of attacks from the demons. V gasped as the air left his lungs when he made impact with the ground and railing while Nero regained his footing quickly and grabbed one of the Cutlass, launching them towards the rest of the group. He noted that V seemed to be struggling slightly to stand up, debating if he should simply snatch him off his feet and carry him to the library door. The sound of screeching metal cut through the air as the Gladius attempted to cut their way through the door holding them at bay. He didn’t doubt for a second that they were capable of doing that as he grabbed his sword and revved the throttle built into the handle, sending smoldering sparks flying through the air as the blade glowed crimson. With one well-placed lunge, the flying pests were eliminated and he turned his attention back to V, noting that he still hadn’t quite made it to his feet. What was going on with him?

Nero extended his hand, more than willing to help him up. “You okay, V?”

V exhaled shakily, betraying his distress as he raised a blood-covered hand to grip his brother’s extended hand. The eldest of the two had been allowing it to rest on his right side in what Nero assumed to be an attempt to stop any further bleeding. Nero did a quick double-take, concerned and unsure as to how harm had managed to come to V during their ordeal. One of the Cutlass must have managed to get between them during their getaway.

“I assure you, I’m fine. It’s just a flesh wound,” V said as Nero gently helped him to his feet. He seemed to be out of breath, but otherwise stable,” We should leave this place. I do not think that door will hold them at bay for much longer.”

Nero nodded in agreement as they headed towards the other end of the walk. Once they were somewhere more secure, he would check on him. If they could make it to the library unseen, the demons would more than likely go back to their idle state and stop pursuing them until they passed by again at some point. As they headed towards the door, Nero took notice of the fact that V seemed to be leaning on him slightly, more than likely in need of additional support due to his injury. He wondered to himself for a moment if V healed like the rest of their family and came to the conclusion that he most likely didn’t since he seemed to still be bleeding. That admittedly concerned him.

A moment later they entered the library. Nero carefully led V over to one of the rails, watching as he slid down to a sitting position and exalted in clear discomfort. Much like they had the last time he had been here, the doors sealed shut, the blue emblem that had adorned them on his first trip still active. He could only assume that was a good thing but wasn’t entirely sure. He didn’t really understand how all of this magic bullshit worked. The mechanism that allowed him to break the seal before was still in the room and it was still in its active form, but he wasn’t if he could move it without possessing the device that he had found here previously. His old arm had absorbed the Anima Mercury. There was no way of guaranteeing that he still retained the ability after his run-in with Vergil.

For a moment they just stood there, attempting to catch their breath. The Gladius and Cutlass had seemingly halted their assault for the moment since there was no sound coming from their direction. For the moment, they were safe, if not a bit banged up. And the both needed a moment to collect themselves. Nero hadn’t seen the castle this active in a long time, even when he had come here to help Nico earlier this year. Everything had been dormant at that time.

He suddenly had a very bad feeling about this trip.

They needed to leave as soon as possible.

Thanks again for reading this chapter! I spell-checked everything, but if I missed anything, feel free to let me know. It’s funny how two grammar and spelling problems still can’t get the job done, am I right? Anyway, I’ll see you all on June 17th for chapter FIFTEEN! Gosh, it’s cool to be able to say that! I look forward to reading and answering your comments. Have a great rest of your week!

[marias-studyblr]

hey mariaaaaa!! i love your blog! recently i’ve been struggling with my fear of failure/success which is preventing me from reaching for my goals. I overthink EVERYTHING which isn’t helping me in studies to my personal life. do you have any tips?

hellooooo!! 🌹💕 thank you so much i really appreciate it. 😊🌸

🐇 about fear of failure/success

I really relate to your message. when I’m dealing with the same concerns, this is what I do:

imagining i do fail. imagining everything goes the other way around. what would i do then? and i know this might seem unnecessary but it forces me into a rational mindset instead of a very emotional one. if I fail, what will my next step be? much of the fear we feel comes from not knowing what will happen, what we’ll do if the eventuality does come.

it serves us good to think about our future even in the prospect of failure. and also for us to understand that even if things don’t go right, we have a path too. planning and organization are what we need in times of stress and fear, to keep us grounded, to get us focused on our work habits and not so much on the end goal. take away some of the importance of the goal, to relieve some of the pressure that is suffocating you.

secondly, sometimes we make situations bigger than they actually are, especially when it comes to grades because it feels like it’s all people in a school environment care about, making us fear something that isn’t actually real. it’s not a life or death situation even if it may feel like it, and once again, there are so many paths to your future success that even if school throws you a curve ball, it is nothing that stops you from being successful in the future. nothing at all.

knowing what step to take next is really important to feel less afraid of a result. and it’s also important to know that you’re not being threatened in any way: that it’s just a grade and the fear you’re feeling can be somehow dissolved if you think about how small this event is compared to the big picture of your life. what am I afraid of exactly? 

the other thing I want to say is that no matter if we win or lose, in whatever situation, it’s important to be able to accept the circumstances of our lives that brought us to that moment and deal with our decisions and choices in the past. even if the thing that we chose to do was incredibly stupid in retrospective, we need to respect our past self.

I’ve had unfair things happen to me and I’ve made many stupid decisions in my past, but with persistence, I ended up alright and happy. and today, I am so proud of all the things that I did to better my situation and get to where I am today.

so, I believe that no matter what difficulties come our way, even if they hurt us or we were unprepared for them, or at the time we didn’t know how to react properly, both in our academic lives and in our personal lives, if we persist with hard work and determination, we will be able to reach a happier place in the future, even if we never had thought of it.

so with that in mind, it’s a lot easier for me to face stressful situations in school. the initial stress and fear are always going to come, but I can overcome it a lot more easily because (1) I know looking back at my past that even if things don’t go my way I can always find a better path and (2) it’s not half as much of a big deal than my anxiety is making it to be in my head. I can always look around and find the things that actually matter in my life.

🐇  about overthinking

I also used to overthink every little thing I said or did, so I REALLY understand you. I was always really shy throughout middle school and high school, even though I’ve always had strong opinions and with my family & close friends, I was not shy at all.

it came to a point it really stopped me from doing everyday normal things and thinking anything positive about myself. for those who don’t know what this is like, it might be a little difficult to understand how this could impact our daily lives… it’s kind of having anxiety about everything involving your person, especially social interactions. cringing over and over again from the tiniest things that happened months ago, dreading the way you talk and look, not being able to let go of mistakes, fearing talking to acquaintances/strangers, being completely destroyed by criticism, and constantly beating yourself up from the largest to the smallest things in your life. it really makes you feel isolated and lower your confidence.

only recently I started respecting myself enough and I am glad that with time I was able to become stronger. so the first thing I want to say is to be patient with yourself. trust with time, you’ll become wiser. I think it’s more of a mindset shift than anything else, and that comes with becoming wiser. you do evolve with time, which is great news! 😊 I can’t believe how far I’ve come in terms of my confidence in just a few years.

I think the cause of overthinking everything is probably some sort of emotional shock or abuse. I have an idea where mine could have come from. reflect on your childhood, middle school, even though it might stir up some emotions. the point is to understand that you don’t “just have a shy personality” or it’s not “just the way you were born” and give yourself some closure. let yourself know if you’ve been through tough stuff in your childhood, it’s ok, you’ve made it, and it doesn’t define who you are. there is always space for improvement. it doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to talk well in public, interact with strangers. I truly believe with practice anything is possible, so be patient with yourself and keep practicing your social interactions, learning how you can improve your social skills and correcting your mindset whenever you catch yourself beating yourself up. 

one mistake that I found to be more pertinent in this aspect of my mental health was thinking everyone else was so much better than me. everyone else was always right and I should try to be like them! why can’t this person like me? what should I change about myself in order for them to begin liking me?

I had such a toxic mindset it really took a heavy toll on everything in my life really, and it was very degrading and tiresome to constantly be finding non-existing flaws and comparing myself to everyone around me. the answer is simple (and what I wish I could tell my younger self): focus on yourself and not people around you… everyone comes in different shapes and forms, we all have different personalities, we come from different backgrounds. we don’t owe our lives to anyone, not your teachers, not your friends, not your classmates, not even your parents. we should rejoice in our individuality, we should feel confident in our skin. it’s YOUR skin, not the other person’s skin, it’s YOUR brain, not someone else’s.

each one of us is simply trying to make it through - everyone’s equally clueless about their lives. they are lying to you if they say otherwise. and everyone’s too focused on their mistakes to truly care about your own.

once I figured that out, things really started looking up.

slowly, I started overthinking less and less, I was much more confident. there needs to be a clear resolution in your head: you are NOT less than others. your work may not be the best but it is ENOUGH and GOOD. and “good” in the meaning of kind. kind to yourself, kind to others. and that’s where I stem my confidence from. I am good and I am enough, I have meaning and purpose.

and it really drove me to have a happy mindset, because I can do good, to myself and to others, and I will continue to work hard no matter what comes my way. I have so much in my life to be grateful for!! those things, to me, are what makes a happy life.

I was more open about who I was, gave more importance to the people who accept, love me, cherished the small (big) things that make my life good and comfortable, and less to the things that don’t actually matter in the big picture.

overthinking your everyday life to the point of self-deprecation will stop you from actually enjoying it! even if I get a bad grade, even if I have an awkward interaction, even if something difficult is going on in one of my classes, at the end of the day, no one’s died you know? I still have food and a roof over my head, my loved ones to love, my integrity and physical state. I will do better next time, and that’s that. I don’t want to reach my 60′s to start giving importance to the things that actually matter, I want to give importance to them now, while I can still cherish them.

🐇 more practical things to do

don’t isolate yourself. especially in times of fear and stress. being around people who love you will make you feel grounded. and when you are loved and respected in your close community, it will encourage you to accept yourself as well! when we are suffering, it’s easy to close ourselves and not talk about it, but being open about your struggles is exactly what will help you the most to overcome them. so talk to your closest people, eat with them, text them. let them know how you are feeling and let them support you, they will want to.

meditate and do yoga. this practice brings me a lot of serenity and peace and encourages quiet time, away from distractions. to be alone in a way that is not harmful. and from there, grow the roots to a healthy relationship with yourself. I especially recommend Yoga with Adriene, she was the one who really taught me the way of looking after myself, respecting myself as a whole.

watch ted talks! there are really good ones about public speaking, self-confidence, gratefulness, mindfulness! look them up, it really made a huge difference for me. 

journal, write, keep a diary, draw, sing, express yourself. through some tough moments of my life, writing about my feelings in a very private way, appreciating art that I felt related to me, was important to understand what I was feeling, what was happening, cope with it and try to find a way around. 

so, I hope all this made sense and helped even a little…!

I’ll repeat my first piece of advice: be patient with yourself. small changes in our mindset every day lead to big changes over the course of a year or two. overthinking about small things in our life will soon start to look pretty useless to you. :- )

YOU GOT THIS I believe in you 100%

you are doing better than you think.

⭐💛 thank you for your message, may it help others too who are going through the same 💖 let’s live our best lives please, unashamed, unapologetic!

[midorimochi]

These days I think I'll have the time to watch at least the first two chapters of a NDRV3 gameplay. I want to watch juicedup14's gameplay in particular, because it's not the localized version but rather a direct translation from the original.

I think it's interesting to compare the differences elapsing between the localization and the translation but I also can't shake off the impression that most of the negativity I saw being directed towards Kaito here (accusations of "toxic masculinity" aside - which is: for "masculinity", undeniable, because Kaito does hold sexist views, for "toxic", in my humble opinion at least, over the top and exaggerated) is incredibly biased and out of place. 

Anyone who played/watched the gameplays of this game, should know or should have realized that at heart Kaito is not a mean and/or a bad guy, he’s well-intentioned, but the way he conveys and/or exhibits his own behavior at times, perhaps, can raise some questions about his methods.

What I mean is that in real life nobody is and nobody can be perfect and if fictional characters are supposed to reproduce different kinds of real, existing people in the first place, then fictional characters - to be credible - can’t be perfect either. That being said, (it should be obvious...) I personally think it’s fair for any character to have flaws of their own.

Some of these possible flaws can certainly be more questionable or complex to grasp than others can be but the fact is, that there should often be some reasons due to which, the character’s personality, upbringing and backstory can or could explain why a certain character does, thinks or says what they do, think or say respectively.

In Kaito’s case, for example, we have this guy who exhibits a macho behavior and a “macho man” is typically defined as “a man who is aggressively proud of his masculinity” which is definitely Kaito’s case.

While it’s NOT a justification, but rather an explanation, is that people also seem to forget pretty often that this guy was raised by his grandparents, people two generations ahead of him which, very likely, could have passed these old views onto him pretty easily, since he was a child.

Hence why he seems to hold very traditional views on gender roles especially, hence why he’s considered “sexist”: people think about the infamous “I don’t feel weapons suit women” line especially, and what upsets people the most - although reasonably - is the fact that he’s never called out on it (even if, in his defense, - for the way they phrased it in the localization, at least - his it’s a pretty relative sentence to be fair, because saying “I don’t feel weapon suit women” is not like saying “Weapons don’t suit women”. It sounds expressed more like a personal opinion rather than as an absolute fact and/or statement (his sexism isn’t severe for how I see it because it’s not like he attacks people over it or he’s malicious towards the girls) and even if it’s a questionable opinion, you can’t expect everybody to embrace the same mindset in real life either. Not to mention that the situation itself kinda mocks him and makes his own statement especially ironic since during their training sessions, it’s clear that Maki is stronger than both him and Shuuichi).

The fact is (unpopular opinion I guess) that I personally don’t believe his masculinity is really “toxic” because he himself isn’t completely able to abide by it, neither.

If he was sexist to the point of being “toxic”, would he have approved Kaede’s leadership? Would he have accepted to support a girl’s guidance? Would he have looked for Tenko’s and the other girls’ help against Monokuma in the first chapter? Would he have acknowledged that just by looking at Maki he somehow could tell that she was capable to fight? Would he have accepted to use Miu’s inventions? 

Because if he really was (and I even seen people claiming that he’s a mysogynist, what the fuck) I believe he would have belittled all of them and their talents, but did he?

The way he interacts with Kaede in particular is telling, because while he chooses to take Shuuichi and Maki under his wing as his sidekicks, he proposes to be Kaede’s sidekick after having said that they’re at the same weave-length, that they think alike almost as if with Kaede, his relationship could have been a relationship with an equal, if not as he himself suggested, with one to support as a sidekick instead of a boss.

He punches Shuuichi because of him not being “manly enough” to carry on Kaede’s wish, whilist crying himself when both previously and later he reprimands Gonta for the same reason because “men shouldn’t cry”, “men shouldn’t apologize” yet, he does cry, twice: at that same moment after Kaede’s execution and after the third trial along with everybody else, but at that moment we don’t see him reprimanding the other boys because “crying isn’t manly”, he does understand the situation at hand and that type of reaction, especially in that context, is inevitable.

He also apologizes to Shuuichi for his own behavior at the end of the fifth trial in which he acknowledges to be at fault and he also admits to have harbored a certain envy for Shuuichi.

I think that moment was really important to establish his character because Kaito found the courage to do what he didn’t believe it was the case to do. He apologizes despite previously having said that as a man he shouldn’t have, he stops lying, he confesses the truth about his health and he drops his “perfect big bro” mask, because he’s far from being perfect, he genuinely did want to help and to assist Shuuichi but he didn’t do so with no conflicting feelings whatsoever because deep down, he also grew envious of him in the meantime. He wanted to be the one who saved everyone while also “saving” his sidekicks, he aimed high, but he aimed too high even for himself.

He tells Shuuichi he can’t do everything by himself, yet he wished he could.

Until the end of the fifth trial, Kaito hasn’t been completely straightforward with his sidekicks and he also kept on feeding his own pride whilist he was “nurturing” Shuuichi and Maki because while he genuinely wanted to help them (he always thought about them and how to improve their training, he always sided with them in the trials and such, I mean, his good intentions and the positive influence he had on both of them are undeniable), having two people to take care of was also a responsability he liked to take because it also fed his own self-esteem as the “Luminary of the Stars” who can make the impossible, possible.

He saw these two outcasts and he dragged them with him (granted, they did choose to follow him by their own volition, as well) so they could realize their mistakes and become stronger, these two perhaps wouldn’t even have befriended each other in the first place if it wasn’t for him, yet they become pretty close at the end. 

He wanted them to see him as a point person, yet he didn’t do the same for them, he was strictly careful not to show any weakness whatsoever in front of them because for someone like him it wasn’t allowed (I really liked how one of his Space Mode Events tackled this).

I’ve also seen people calling Kaito a “hypocrite” because he scolded people over things he himself did. Not only he does cry unlike he’d think he shouldn’t be supposed to as a “man”, but he also hides secrets (his disease) from his sidekicks, unlike he wanted them to do with him.

Which yes, it does come across as hypocrite attitude but I also think it stems from Kaito being pretty self-centered and stubborn as well. This guy has his own set of beliefs for which he feels very strongly, so strongly he’s sure to be always right no matter what.

That’s what pisses him off the most after the fourth trial, he’s proven wrong and what does he do? He takes it on Shuuichi who only did what he had to do in order for him and for everyone else to survive.

It’s not that Kaito has it on him for it, thinking about it I also believe that he did understand but he didn’t want to admit and/or to accept it, because it would have meant that he was wrong but for how he has probably been accostumed for a very long time - I presume - him being wrong was impossible, that type of impossible he would have never wanted to be possible.

But by instinct he took it on Shuuichi because that was probably the first thing he thought he could do to unleash his annoyance which is pretty childish, all things considered.

Like Kokichi put it, it was thanks to Kaito that Shuuichi found the confidence to seek the truth as a detective, it was because of him, but this truth, this time, was so harsh for him to process that he didn’t want to face it until the end, he preached bravery and guts yet he’s been coward himself.

Kaito can be stubborn, he can have a childish attitude at times, he’d also seem to be biased on his relationships as well, because like he chose Shuuichi and Maki he could have lended a hand to other people who would have needed it too, perhaps (but I blame it more on the way his character was handled in the story from the outside - I mean the way the stuff decided to use him - that on him as a character) he is full of flaws objectively speaking and that’s fair because at the end that’s what makes him more human, more credible, even more likeable.

All of this was to say that despite his own flaws, when it’s the case, this guy is perfectly capable (even if begrudgingly so and not without taking some time on his part) to recognize and acknowledge his mistakes and to apologize for them, as well. 

That’s why, as I’ve seen other people say, he’d likely drop his most questionable attitudes if people around him took the time, the effort and the patience to make him understand that the ways he preaches masculinity and gender roles can be harmful.

I had no intention to write all of this to begin with, because I only wanted to say that I’m looking forward to see if Kaito really sounds that different in the translation of the original version in comparison to how he’s depicted in the localization, but I picked this opportunity to get all of my thoughts off my chest...