#this really shook me today
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Now THAT'S Thinkin' In 3D!
HHEHEHEE HAH FLATLAND FANART BE UPON YE
#flatland#flatland fanart#flatland 2007#flatland the film#KD'sCrumbs#GOD... this movie shook my entire brain a bit... like it jingled me around and shit#Watched it earlier today and got really inspired#DONT ask me why i gave A.Sphere hands... its for the composition.... also blorbo gets hands so they can gesture better i thinkkkkk#being a variety artist fucking rocks... HEHEH like take some art from a random like 17 year old film YYEYEYAAHHH#i heard that it's been in the algorithm cuz of that gravity falls thing but i literally dont care about that so (dont tag it either thanks)#been in a creative slump mostly. love finding stuff like this that gets the art juice going again;;
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MOOD: Wheelers for YSL
#I’m shook to my core look at them GO#I can’t believe these both dropped today lmaooo#natalia dyer#finn wolfhard#st cast#ysl#stranger things#the me tag#the wheeler siblings#mike wheeler#nancy wheeler#not really but oh well lmao
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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one of my regulars passed away :(
#death mention#personal#negative#her husband and kids came in today and told me#it really shook me#like i would see her just about everyday i worked
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On a different note my uncle (mentioned yesterday) emceed the funeral and at the very end he read one of my absolute favorite pieces on grief ever—Henry Scott Holland’s words, which I have scribbled on a sticky note stuck to my wall and read every day because they bring me so much comfort
Afterwards I hugged him and thanked him so much for reading that, how did he pick it? He said when his best friend was dying of AIDS in the 80s, they planned the funeral together and his friend introduced him to that piece. He’s read it at every memorial service he’s been asked to speak at since ❤️
#I tried not to cry a lot today bc they asked me to tape the service and I didn’t wanna be sniffling behind the camcorder the whole time#but I’m sure my hands really shook when he started reading that. oh ❤️❤️❤️
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Anyway since it's on my mind:
Magnus pretty much becomes the responsible homeowner when he moves back in with Satenik.
He started with doing the cooking, because he genuinely enjoys it while Satenik doesn't. Then due to his control-freak nature (and not having much else going on), that branched off into him taking over the other chores.
Also, even though she's medicated, Satenik still sometimes has moments where it's difficult for her to take care of the house (either because she's super absorbed into her art and neglects everything else, or her occasional depressive episodes make it difficult), so Magnus is also able to help out in that regard
#satenik varoujan#other moms in the neighborhood are like: 'my son called me today :)'#and satenik is like 'okay. my son lives with me and he's doing my laundry while i paint lol'#anyway so the end of dsr really shook up the household in a lot of ways
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Tonight's excitement, guilt tripping a ghost into giving my vape back
#bart's posts#Cw drugs#And yeah okay this one really got me thinking because I fully shook that blanket out and my roommates watched me do it#So there was nothing there and we'd had that blanket in our line of sight for most of the time so it wasn't like they could sneak it in#But I tugged on the blanket after curling up sadly and my lost vape just. fell off the top of the blanket into my lap#This isn't the first time he's done this by the way. He once hid my parents elf on the shelf on top of the refrigerator. That one was funny#Also this isn't the full excitement today has been an absolute shit show directed by mr bullshit himself
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I need to go. Store.
#i need another suit case#and i have to buy formal clothes. for the job that im getting fired from. like i literally only have one or two days left (they still#havnt actually told me the day l o l) but i have to fucking show up in formal clothes so that they can take pictures even though im not even#gonna BE there :(#i wanna get candy for my students too.#and i still need to have lesson plans for my last day.#my new job is live streaming so that should be fun but the set up gives me the hebbie jeebies cajse of past shit so im a little worried.#should be fine though.#im a little shook up. today. im hoping ill feel better.#life is quiet though. its calm.#but i need to pack all my shit up and clean.#my mom is coming in a week or so. she wont be here for Halloween thankfully#i dont know what to do with my self. idk if ive ever been this. awake. before.#usually i watch over the garden wall and make my self some soup or something on my birthday. and just do my best to ignore everything#but its just. its fine. ill be fine nothing js really that bad. it just feels that way.#oh im gonna go find some alter wrote forever ago i think that will help.#i need to go to the store#i miss a person whos never existed#maybe ill actually be able to settle in to my new job#i also want to start taking Mandarin lessons. but i keep forgetting
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whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them
#you know since i have bangs#just leave me alone freakazoid LEAVE ME ALOOOONEEEEE#they always say i seem scared Hm probably because i am now PISS OFF#guy two days ago ( skipping today & had a free day yesterday ) entered the same class as me & tried to chat me up#did not look back at him or bother to remember his name but i shook his hand:-/ i feel compelled to not leave people hanging#felt like self immolating after He was like are you always this stiff & quiet you seem scared do you have problems#yes i do & that problem is you FUCK OFF & now he knows my name & face but IDK his i am so goddamn retarded#i just kept answering in shrugs & IDKs but what i should have done is use my FFP ( Foreigner Face Privilege ) & pretend not to understand#but since i am an english major he would have just switched to bothering me in english UGHHH WHY CAN I NOT SAY NO#i feel really disgusted with myself RN#skipped today because i am too freaked out about everything trying to come down from heart palpitations i really hate when this happens#i always feel too anxious to go after i wish i lived in a female only world but also i feel really ugly lately too#which means it should be illegal for me to go outside#also i missed my bus right by like 5 seconds the moment i was about to cross the road it flashed away so...#i took it as a sign to not go ( after waiting for ~15+ minutes... sorry i am a quitter but not that fast )
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ok, i had such a lovely day today i could cry. i saw my friend and we had such a fun time, i got a new nostril piercing, we had some yummy korean food and we did some shopping <3 ive been so suicidally low & i couldn’t see a way out, i really needed this
#the way she was talking about how im a good and kind person and im so polite#and just complimenting me. after being absolutely berated by my ex best friend i really needed this#ive been feeling like im an irredeemable evil monster and it completely shook me to my core#I genuinely think i was complimented more today than the entire year i knew my best friend like ..#realizing how other people see me. and not just someone intent on being cruel to me was so important#she’s trans and she said im also the person who has supported her the most coming out and that she feels so grateful#like im so glad 😭 i love her .#we’re planning to hang out more now she’s moved back to the area and im so pleased#going to have some movie nights i think & go foraging for shrooms :)#(I also didn’t drink & hanging out w people is a major trigger so yay!)#txt
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my uncle died. hm
this is the first time i've ever reached the tag limit. the last word is meant to be funeral.
#text#interesting experience#i mean it was expected he's been suffering for a couple of months now. he got a lot better at one point and everyone was like woo you're-#-gonna survive! you're not gonna be like before but you're not gonna die but eh voila he died#like a week ago he was sent to the hospital because his kidneys just failed and the doctors said nah dude he's on his deathbed. better#just die at home rather than dying in the hospital alone so they took him home and they've been waiting ever since and here we are#personally i barely know shit about the guy. he used to deliver us bread and he shook my hand once and smiled at me. radiated a good aura#but i dont know anything. dad says he really respected and loved my brother and i so ill take his word for it#but man for the past like month its all you hear about. like i dont mean this in a derogatory way i completely understand dont get me wrng#but its just death death death all around#an hour or so ago i was walking my dog with my mom and brother and i just said i wonder if uncle's died yet#20 minutes afterwards my mom gets a call that he's died. uncle was in a different room from the rest of the family so they couldnt know#exactly when he died (we went to visit at about 5 pm today and he was alive but asleep) but my parents think it must have been around when#i said that. dad's superstitious and all and says that uncle sent me a sign. like i said apparently uncle loved me a lot. im not#superstitious but i'll take his word for it - uncle sent me a sign before he died.#i feel a little bad now. he seemed like a good man. im just replaying my only memory of him - that time when he shook my hand and smiled#like smiled very brightly. he and grandma look so alike. like ofc they do they're siblings but they look so alike#im very worried for my parents and grandma though.#espechially grandma. she's been at his house almost all week becuase she knew his time was soon#when we visited today we were supposed to pick her up and bring her home and then return her tomorrow but once we arrived she apparently#said (idk i didnt go inside i just wandered outside and pspsed at cats#that she didnt want to come home becuase he was very ill. she knew man she knew.#i dont know how she's going to handle this i just hope she'll be okay we'll do what we can to help her#i hope my parents are going to be okay too. me and my mom's relationship is rocky and i dont like my dad much#my dad returned from europe yesterday to stay with us for a month and i was really not looking forward to it. i always dread his visits#like dont get me wrong i love him just like im supposed to i just dont like him very much#but nonetheless i hope they'll be okay#as far as i know my brother also didnt know my uncle very well so i dont think i have to worry about him#he and i will just have to do our best to support our family i guess#about like 30 minutes ago my parents left for uncle's house and they'll return early morning tomorrow and then go back immidietaly for the
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The thing about me is I'll say shit like "yeah I'm autistic but it doesn't affect my daily life THAT much" then proceed to have my first verbal shutdown in over 7 years
#mel's musings#almost got into a wreck today while driving bc my dad told me to change lanes when there was a car in my way#which could have been avoided had he told me sooner that we were going a different route than what the gps was saying#he admitted it was his mistake. but it shook me up pretty bad#and of course he had no idea how to respond to my shutdown. other than pull over and get me out of the driver's seat obviously#it didn't last long thankfully. we were on our way home#but boy howdy did it remind me of how autistic i really am. you know. in case i forgot
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omfg a recruiter actually called me but i missed it and i have to call them back but i was so not expecting that to happen and im so not in the headspace to talk about this i have no clue what to say omfg thank god i missed that call i have litterally no clue what to say or how to do a phone interview
#how do i explain not working for 2 years........#it for home care and my go to excuse was that i was caring for a family member#but i cant say that to someone whose gonna hire me for that kinda thing bc then I'll have to know wtf im doing#should i say a health thing??? i dont want them to not hire me cuz they think im sick#plus i have no idea how to sell my self to a recruiter i dont know anything😭#altho home care is one of like 3 things i actually have the relevant quals for but i dont actually remember any of that shit#im so shook they called me back they must need workers#they application was litterally just name and contact deets like they didnt want my cv or anything#which in my experience leads to never ever ever ever hearing from them#but now i have and it was so soon and i was not expecting this today ohmygodddddd#i really need a job. and tbh this is probably my best bet. but idk wtf im doing#i was not built for interviews im so bad at them#pray for me#my posts
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feeling very annoying today. I’ve typed up like 7 different posts and deleted them in the last 15min
#the highlights: my friend invited me to join his dnd group n we have a session zero today n I’m excited#the person who delivered my mail today was really pretty#i got my nails done for the first time in 5 yrs and I’m shook bc they look normal and healthy for the first time in. much longer than that#I wish I had the time and discipline to start a webcomic#and my back is still fucked up lol 😵💫#there. out of my system now#begone tho(ugh)t(s)
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Not me stress eating crap and drinking coffee at 8:30pm 🤡- I gotta be up at 5:30am to get to the clinic tomorrow and I got that stupid meeting afterwards 😣
#I saw her on campus today and she didn't smile at me like she usually does#not easily intimidated by any stretch of the imagination but she really got me shook#I just respect her a lot and I'm afraid she's going to lose it at me#personal ting
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ok ok goodnight :)
#had a choir concert tonight that went MUCH better than i expected#& i presented my thing about the crucifixion today.... it ALSO went really well#the class was way more engaged than i expected!! they were asking questions and everything#overall a big win :)#today's one social interaction failure is that someone tried to give me a high five and i shook his hand. :/.#BUT YEAH OVERALL A GOOD DAY. uhhh spanish presentation tomorrow ... and fancy christmas chapel#lots of talking. hopefully i do not loose my voice#my throat was sore today even before i sang but. it's probably fine.#.txt
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