#that is shameful

[noirsisterhood]

Why do some black women embody the mammy stereotype?

Firstly, if you are unaware of what the term mammy means or the history behind it, I highly recommend watching this. https://youtu.be/mEy9ZKf5NOo?si=9iK_ibAfO4AaR6e7

Just a series of thoughts I had while walking my dog. Black women, in particular, divested Black women have had a tendency to switch from being the mammy of the black race and left-leaning politics to being the mammy of the white race and right-leaning politics. But why? Neither of these groups have historically or currently respected black women nor have they done anything for us. Two sides of the same bird and black women as a collective find themselves sliding from one end to the other.

My observations had led me to believe black women are trying to earn love, admiration, and respect. These women are fully aware that with most people they meet, they start at a social deficit and will be guilty until proven innocent. This attempt to earn their keep has never and will never work. To me, these types of things are not transactional but black women generally refuse to come to terms with this. Despite the obvious signs that the mammying is not working out for them, black women continue to embody the stereotype.

In their defense, humans have a natural urge to want to feel a sense of belonging and have a place in a group. The mammy is often very unattractive. Obese, never dolled up, lacking in feminine style, hair tied in rags or covered with a bonnet. They want to feel wanted but it likely won’t come in the form of male attraction or the jealously of other women. And the need for external validation seems to be ten fold and more obvious with this demographic. Black women are rarely genuinely praised for beauty or womanhood outside of their romantic partners. The most obvious examples of this is the barrage of pandering from other demographics when they want praise, money, or clout. Instead, our nature of caring for others and looking attractive has gotten us exploited, preyed upon, and abused. When you pay attention to how others speak of you or black women as a whole, you’ll notice the reverence is often exploitative. The first thing that comes to mind is the infamous ‘black women will save this country’ cry from liberals during the last election cycle. It was completed with the artwork of an overweight black woman in a superhero outfit. Not ladies. Not souls to be protected and cared for but a shield used to prop up and protect others.

On the opposite side, a self proclaimed “conservative” black male posted a video of a conservative black woman repeating talking points and the video is titled ‘Black Women are waking up.’ To no surprise of mine, there was a white person who left the comment to the tune of proclaiming how happy he was that black women were on his side, and that’s great because black women work tirelessly to get things done and influence others. I’m paraphrasing of course.

Seems the mule and wakanda warrior image is on both sides suffocating black women. The same commenters praising the Republican woman of course can be seen in previous videos commenting how horrible, disturbing, overweight, unattractive, and useless black women are. Quite interesting. Not to say we aren’t allowed to have opinions or be politically informed. I myself am independent yet am baffled by the behavior of other black women who jump at the first opportunity to make politics their entire identity to seek approval from others.

So the question stands, do other people like and appreciate you or do they want to use you, knowing you will take on the role of a trooper that will do anything to push their agendas? The most important question though, do you care black women? My point is, mammies are seeking out appreciation by trying to sit others on top of their shoulders because the admiration is just not coming automatically. But despite my demographic clearly seeing this tactic of theirs is not working, they continue doing it anyways.

Why do black women continue to do this?

Do black women have a savior complex? They want to be praised for something even if what they’re doing is ultimately harmful to our safety or image. The best example I have for this is very recent with the Tyler Perry discourse. Black women all across the interwebs latched onto this discourse and refused to let go for at least a month. Some of them are still trying to squeeze out discussions about this dead horse. Didn’t these women already come to the conclusion they will level up, open their options, and focus on high value men? So why the excitement to jump on this repetitive conversation?

My hypothesis: They just wanted to keep repeating that they are making more than black males (btw this is not true, at least not yet. In America, males make more on average but Black American women are more employed). They want to feel better than someone else and take on the role of a superior. A mentor, a leader, a teacher, or a mother. They believe they aren’t wanted by the people they seek validation from and they resort to being needed instead.

To disarm others

I have many observations on the sambo type behavior I’ve seen coming from the collective of the black demographic in America, but particularly Black women I think this could be their form of self preservation. Like I already mentioned, these women are well aware upon their first meeting with almost every person that they are immediately seen as negative stereotypes. Historically in this country, little black girls and grown women alike have had to suffer verbal and physical abuse, especially from white women. The modern media machine makes it clear they want the black girl image to be on the sideline in a support role, not the main character. Various post on social media have also made it known that Black women are also aware when they don’t play this supporting role in real life, they are demonized and viciously attacked. Mammying is also a form of keeping the attackers at bay.

Trying to find identity in the west

Lastly, my speculation of the mammy archetype played out by so many Black women is the lack of identity the collective has outside of social justice. Ignoring the incorrect generational stereotypes, Gen Z has improved at finding purpose and hobbies outside of fighting for something. Unfortunately with the timing, it’s right around the time the media and certain demographics would like everyone to believe black girls eat, sleep, and breathe fighting the system and it’s been heavily pushed onto us through movies, books, and the social media algorithm. The most well known image of us comes from the 60s Black woman standing strong with her fist in the air. This is the portrayal cast over our normal everyday lives or modern accomplishments. Mix that in with the overweight, abrasive, asexual, unthreatening mammy and we have the perfect recipe. Most importantly this is the personality some Black women know when in doubt, they can fall back on.

In my next post I want to expand on this and touch on Black women’s reluctance and discomfort when setting boundaries with others who demand the mammy comes to their aide and include them in everything. Will Black women continue to allow multiracial women to bully them into silence and erase their representation? Will Black women continue to let the male race intimidate them into supporting males whom brand themselves LGBT?

[magnusbae]

In case you were wondering why Spotify Wrapped sucks balls this year, and more importantly doesn't have any genre data:

Can you hear the sound of bells? That's because they're clowns. 🤡 🛎

[leresq]

"gee I wonder how I will transfer this information reliably across long distances"

the trustworthy telecommunications dish:

[rhinco]

"scythes are impractical as a weapon" ok but does anything else have the Cunt. i think not

[clickityweasel]

had a real life "and everybody clapped" moment and im still reeling. spent the rest of the ride comparing butterfly pics with the old lady next to me trying to identify it

[canisalbus]

✦ Pebble ✦

[deansbisexualflannel]

[grungekitty-77]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[hiroshotreplica]

idk if im actually bi or nit but i have an 8 am class tomorrow cant worry about that

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}

[bookshelfdreams]

x

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The math just adds up!

[doccywhomst]

[rhinco]

inventing some new EVIL tone tags

/pr = pressuring you

/m = mad at you

/f = forcing you to do this at gunpoint

/nj = not joking i want to kill you for real