#that i have good friends whom i love
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(My signal was shitty last night so I dont even know if my ask about Shuu even went through or not, pfftt)
BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT TO THIS ONE!
Get positive beamed because now I'm fueled.
Shoutout to Thierry for being snarky but oh so silly, shoutout for him not being ashamed of his body build because that was HIS CHOICE and it reflects off how HIS ROSEMARY TREATS HIM. We cant have our Narrators starving themselves around here, nope, that is a SHAME and it is UNACCEPTABLE. Shoutout to him having creative timing and making me genuinely laugh with him THAT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE, LAUGHING WITH A CHARACTER IS MORE ENJOYABLE ANYWAYS!
Shoutout to Thierry for being socially anxious and still trying to keep conversation. I see you and I love it. Shoutout to him having the mushiest, sweetest soul that even the most simplest compliment sends him bouncing out of his seat. Shoutout to him not judging people for anything that may come up because that's not how you behave in game or the real world.
Shoutout to him being willing to learn more on a topic he knows nothing about just because a friend loves it. Shoutout to him loving autumn and Halloween and being so dorky about it because his excitement just fuels my own and makes life less boring if I followed his lead.
Shoutout to his comfy as shit cardigan with his little gold chain clasping it together like its the grandest cape but in reality it is blanket for Wife to Steal.
I still don't understand where they came from or why, but this seemingly group of little haters who think trashing on people's characters, for any reason, is okay, are literally juvenile in behavior and need to go outside and play in some dirt. Good for character. They need to go dig some holes and bury some leaves, sticks and acorns.
I know that its not as simple as "ignore the hate" because its so massive and near unending, but please dont forget that they don't get to decide what you create or how you do it. Because if they did, I wouldn't have an awesome mutual who's inspired me to draw fatter characters. :3
One day, I will achieve peak Twinkie fat men,,,, it will be my magnum opus.
I will make my men fat because they deserve it.
I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF WORDS FOR THIS ONE EITHER but god. GOD !!!!!!! it's harder times like this that i can't forget i have loving friends who KNOW my intentions & KNOW my character far better than anyone else with their gross little jokes ever will have the FUCKING PLEASURE TO UNDERSTAND
how unspeakably happy i am to know what you've picked up on & what of his character lingers with you or anyone else, it's extremely important to me & reminds me of what i love about this character - or moreso what i've / we've put into him through our silly little roleplays & imagines & whatnot
IT MIGHT NOT WIPE AWAY EVERY BIT OF BULLSHIT but it earnestly does help & i genuinely appreciate your input more than i can say. thank you ghost i love you so much ❤️
( also i didn't get that ask please send it again )
#ghosteyes-i-main-on-pinterest#inbox#& YOU'RE DOING FANTASTIC YOUR ANATOMICAL STUDIES YOU KEEP IT UP & YOU'LL BE FATTENING THOSE MEN IN NO TIME#RAHHHHH#TSP blogging#I THINK what i need is just to tape the nice comments to my eyes in times of doubt i think they will fix me#thank you again so much i was having it rough last night & stuff like this isn't Warranted but it means the world to be reminded#that i have good friends whom i love
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Been four years, time for this again.
With the trajectory these redraws are going, Merlin and Gwaine are going to end up just,,, making out. Full on sloppy style right in front of Arthur.
And honestly? Good for them they deserve it lmao
#bbc merlin#merlin#merwaine#merthur#arthur pendragon#sir gwaine#ot3#redraw#re watched “Gwaine” recently and the heart eyes they all have for each other#Arthur vouching for a man he's know for like two days max against a knight he's apparently been friends with since his childhood#Merlin being sad eyes and telling Gwaine he thinks he's fun and he's going to miss him when he leaves#Both of them recognizing his fighting style and being excited that he's there at the melee :3#It's Gwaine my Good Friend Gwaine he's here I Love my Good Friend Gwaine whom I've known for three days he's my Favorite Guy :) :) :)#Says merthur#Gwaine very famously being Anti Nobility but risking his life anyway for Arthur#and then literally just about every damn interaction he has with Merlin period#which in his defense isn't his fault because that's just the Merlin Effect but still. Gwaine is Not Immune.#anyway fuck these guys <3
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a hastily thrown-together good omens shitpost made with my actual real life text message conversations
(here’s part 2)
#imagine wlw says ‘angel’. I’m a lesbian and I’m too lazy to try and make that one work lol#I didn’t want to include too much of other ppl’s responses to my messages bc privacy but yeah#anyway true story I literally asked this girl (my best friend whom I was in love with) to run away with me#like as a joke (but tbh I would have probably done anything she asked me to lmaoo)#and she was like yeah!!! then she ghosted me like 2 weeks later :)#aksjksjdkdj#metatron one doesn’t rly fit but whatever#good omens 2#good omens#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley#ineffable lovers#go2#ineffable wives#good omens season 2#good omens shitpost#shitpost#good omens tv#David tennant#Michael sheen#the metatron#ineffable divorce#ineffable dumbasses#ineffable idiots
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I'm somehow always drawing him like a li'll action hero, even though he's technically in a shoujo manga aaahah!
#natsume yuujinchou#natsume takashi#natsume's book of friends#storyboard pro#fan art#sorry to all my friends whom I have led to believe that natsuyuu's about a silly boy who likes to punch ghosts very good and his drunk cat#no! its about our good-bean boy who was sad and is learning how to love and be loved by others#and his drunk cat!!#he gets some pretty good action moments to be fair...#its mostly running though aaaahaha!#season seven when!? come onnnnn!
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one thing about me is that i’m an orestes-electra-pylades defender. if you don’t hear them being defended anymore that means i am deceased
#something something about them being linked forever#none of them being redeemable all of them being innocent#about this sister who was refused love all her life and who kept it all inside her to give it to her little brother#who loves him so much that the lines blur and we don't know if she's sister ; mother ; father ; or lover even#because who could love him more than she does ?#about this brother who grew up with nothing but rage#rage towards this man he was given to ; that man ready to sell him into slavery#rage towards his mother who got rid of him#rage even towards this father that he has to kill for despite never having known him#rage towards the gods who set up his own curse and let him suffer for a good long while#and apollo did not tell him that no holy ritual will ever truly wash all the blood from his hands#but despite all this rage has chosen to love#to love this sister that he only knew the name of#and who welcomed him with more warmth than three suns combined#who had more fight in her than him and who urged him to do them justice#that's why he did not really hesitate when he killed clytemnestra#because he had seen his sister - a princess - reduced to rags and is skin on bone#and about this friend who became the definition of devotion#who voluntarily chose to follow his friend whom he knew was damned#chose to share the burden of killing with him#and who followed him on every corner of the earth they went to#and i know those three took such gentle care of each other#i know that electra and pylades both refused to go to sleep while the other tends to orestes having his fits of delirium caused by erinyes#yes their hands are bloody#but it's the same blood that's running through their three hearts attached by a red string#and the red of blood looks a lot like the red of love#electre/oreste#classics
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Who’s your most favorite character out of every fandom you’re in?
wow gosh sorry I took a bit to answer. questions like this can paralyze me unless I make stipulations haha! Because it's almost always whatever is most recent! :)
So that would be our dear Chase Hollow from Cinderella Boy/Chasers.
It's the good heart paired to his boldness to speak his mind that gets to me. Literally how can you look at that puppy dog face as he genuinely asks something of you and turn him down? I feel Buddy's pain for real.
A more long standing short list of some favorites though that have stuck with me for much longer would include
Adrien Agreste/Cat Noir from Miraculous Ladybug (embarrassingly for similar reason to chase hollow I really am a simple person sometimes.)
707 from Mystic Messenger. I am not as steeped into this at this point in time but I do be having his jacket and a pillow :)
Link from tLoZ. the facial expressions, main character energy. Dog boy (Twilight Princess was my first game). He'll be with me forever and always. I drew Yuri on Ice characters as Skyward Sword characters once in an airport.
#cinderella boy#it's the soul catching honesty and whimsy that get to me in a lot of characters#a good friend once pinned me as having that dating sim type of like. happy go lucky red head chatter box and she's right#which personally is super hilarious because although they are the most fun#in person my taste in actual partners is sopping wet loser whom I love dearly#adrien agreste is both because he gets to be sad little meow meow. king shit
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.
#🍂 arian's shit#IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah#i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that#two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.#they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that#it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on#they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up#two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around#at least i think#the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is#so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice.#i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding#and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone#no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too#we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time#they love me. i am sure of it.#but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love.#it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World#i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent.#all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time.#even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this#i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person.#i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved.#i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love.#vent post#god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world#feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit#arian contemplates his universe
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Screwllum watching the Aetherium Wars Tournament because of Silver Wolf's persistence, and calling her "an old Stellaron Hunter friend of mine", was really cute
#I actually really like what little we've seen of their dynamic a lot#It's strangely sweet and friendly. Like good-natured rivals more than anything. It almost feels like they're both playing with each other#Not just Silver Wolf#And this was so endearing. What did Silver Wolf do? Send him several messages asking him to watch her play?#It's so nice haha#And it's so cute that he indulged her#The letter he wrote to Svarog was very nice too. I don't know#I really like Screwllum. I love his relationship with Herta too#Herta seems endeared‚ fond‚ playful and good-humoured with him in a way she isn't with anyone else#He makes for very nice dynamics#And actually... so does Silver Wolf. She too makes the softer sides of some kind of rough character resurface#Her relationship with Blade is still one of my favourite things in the game xD#Also Screwllum didn't have to specify that. I imagine the writers did this to make it clear it wasn't Steven but Silver Wolf#who insisted Screwllum to watch and her to whom he had indulged#But instory it's sort of funny. Screwllum boasting he has cool dangerous friends lol#I talk too much#Traces#I should probably delete this later
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hi abby!! you love talking abt your fics? well, as it happens, i LOVE listening to people talk abt their fics *high-fives you* so hereee u go: 8, 17, 23, 24, 33 and 40 :)
hiiii ria thank you <333 [high fives you back] this is a beautiful synergy we are living...sorry this took me several days i just kept not having a shareable last line. for every we're so back there is always an it's so over. we're here now and that's what matters LOL
8. share the last line that you wrote
you have kept me waiting, my lord steward, she says when his footsteps stop, his reflection hovering just out of reach of her mirror.
well this is NOT umbar fic OR condolences congratulations. one day i will learn to finish one thing before i start another. but it is set in a slightly alternate version of the same reality. this is the crazy forty years later everyone lives au where aragorn is king and denethor is his steward and finduilas is actually the one running the place. it’s just an excuse for me to write “what if we made our healthy loving political marriage a messier and more political v-shape because you just HAD to officially get back together with your situationship from when you were 25 and oh he just HAPPENS to be the king.” they are shockingly functional about it (i do not know if i could call it healthy. but it is Incredibly High-Functioning and They Are Having Fun. so who am i to stop them!). conceptually/vibes-wise this is the result of my mind stirring around "their wives know the steward serves the king, and sometimes that goes beyond matters of state" (like truly...WHOA boy. that knocked me flat. @bretwalda-lamnguin i WILL respond to that post eventually i have things to say they just have to marinate a little longer) + regent!finduilas as a concept and an Energy + finduilas's general pure concentrated "i can fix him" beam + also going on a tangent off of anna @potatoesandsunshine's "our marriage is already bad enough what if we ruined someone else's life with it" theory. and this came out.
17. what is your favourite trope to write
NAMES AND TITLES AND MANNERS OF ADDRESS BABY!!! that shit is like drugs for me. whenever i'm messing around with it i feel like i am at the very height of caring about and understanding my own work i KNOW that sounds obnoxious as hell but like. aghhhhh. im in there THINKING. about specifically when and where and how one manner of address might shift to another and whether that is different inside the narration and out loud and what each name and title means in which situation. yeah im normal about hierarchies why do you ask.
23. where do you usually write
my beloved local coffeeshop down the street from my apartment! i am there as i write this. my regular barista often makes fun of me bc he sees me running for the train in the morning bc i am perpetually late for work. unfortunately the earliest i can make it out of the house in the evening is 7 and they close at 9 but it’s a good two hours. then it’s off to my friends’ apartment (they’re my downstairs neighbours i basically also live there) for like another two hours. yeah i do this every day. i am aware i am insane but it is the only way i get anything done.
24. which fic do you think is your funniest
hmm. i feel like im not often intending to be particularly funny. wait no its definitely open arms. “sokka, panicking: you like guys!” is literally in the description. i wrote it bc of a shitpost. WOW that is possibly the throwback of all time. that’s like the first fic i wrote back when i started getting really Good at writing because i was wildly hyperfixated on avatar and it was covid and i wrote 100k in a year. well well well
33. which of your fic titles is your favourite
ok i did do this one but im gonna give a runner up. TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] is a personal fave for sure bc it's. idk nontraditional? well it's based off of this image and it took me a long time of testing different things before i figured out a way to appropriately represent that erasure of the name on the headstone by the water...the sensation that there Used to be something there, that there was Supposed to be something there, but all that is left is the water. and i'm very pleased by the effect of the brackets and how it looks on the ao3 page. it just brings me a lot of joy to let myself kind of fuck around and do whatever i think is cool. im trying so so so hard to internalize "get weird with it!" and its the baby steps out here.
40. pick one of your fics and share a quote to go with it (not a quote from the fic, but an outside quote that fits)
ooh ok a throwback. race for a hurricane (speaking of the titles/names/manners of address trope this is my BEST execution of it) + "the french have a saying: the fate of glass is to break. maybe the fate of spies is to just fade away. but with any luck, we leave something behind" -spectre, 2015. im getting that last line tattooed someday.
fic writer asks
#from the inbox#sweetshire#oh man you picked good ones. i love!!!! to do this!!!!! so much!!!! thank u again!!!!<333#also hello to my friends whom i have tagged. i am out here citing my sources.#ive been rediscovering how fun fandom is as a collaborative activity. i spent a lot of time just kind of quietly referencing a lot of thing#and never saying anything. Trying To Do This Less. the work is TRANSFORMATIVE for a reason!!!!
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everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane
#oc#monochrome#sketch#velan#vakori#rocaim#rocaim and vakori are rex and taz and adder and silas's parents#adder and silas get their looks from vakori; rex and taz to a slightly lesser degree get it from rocaim#rex specifically is like a sharper clone of him. fucks velan up all the time because their personalities are completely totally different#rocaim was very like. gentle and understanding. good with kids and well-liked by basically everyone. a very effective mediator#rex is obviously none of those things lmao. every time he says something particularly insensitive it surprises her for like six years runni#anyway rocaim is in love wtih vakori. velan is in love with vakori. vakori is aro as they come but insanely pragmatic#like. ok le's based loosely off my ex. like. so le's SCARY pragmatic. so fucking cool about it everyone with a brain is specifically like#'woag oh my god le's so pragmatic im in love with her'. anyway eventually le's like 'hi rocaim. here are the objective reasons that i think#that if we got married it would mean i had better standing and more power in the organization we're both committed to. would you be#opposed to possibly getting married with me on the grounds that it would get me respect and power' and rocaim. who is already head over#heels for ler specifically because le makes these kinds of decisions and sees with this kind of logic is like. Absolutely. 100%#then for the next four years of their formal engagement people keep taking rocaim aside and being like hey... i have bad news...#...that leya you're engaged to... le's not romantically interested in you the same way you're romantically interested in ler... le only#wants you because you're an Ath and le wants a voice in the interclan meetsings... and then when Rocaim is like yeah i know#thats why i want to marry ler isnt that like the sexiest fucking reasoning you've EVER heard. no one gets it but velan#who is also in love with ler for the same reasons but has no such claims to power#and who also is not equipped for a polycule nor willing to try to go behind rocaim's back because unfortunately for her. she is also in lov#with rocaim. me when im in love with my friend and my friend's wife and also i'm pretty sure they both reciprocate but they're both#married and i dont really know what to do about it and also all three of us are very Traditional and that is not the Tradition:#and then they both die and she never quite deals with that.#but she DOES get to raise their (surviving) kids :) most of whom are fucking nightmares#life is so difficult for velan. like actually#closerverse#cv
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🖊+Nanari
My boy! I actually have quite a bit to share about him!
Have a non-WoL version I cooked up to rp with those who do identify themselves as the WoL!
While walking around, if I happen to stop to chat with someone, I will play Nanari to be the Scions' foremost scholar on the Primals and Beast tribes! He's devoted his whole life to their study, and even has a mark to prove his expertise.
If I'm clued in as to where they are in the story, I'll have him ask after the latest primal they've bested (Or Kami/lightwarden/etc). He's always fascinated to hear others' viewpoints on Primals, and will often write their thoughts down to go over later and occasionally write reports on what consensuses he's collected.
That said, regardless of this his foremost mission is to travel the star.
As an extra fun fact. He started this whole walk as an homage to his late wife, an Ala Mhigan lalafellin woman by the name of Vivina. She was once an adventurer, well-traveled and hardy, but decided to settle down in Sharlayan after meeting this shy Scholar in the Harbor.
When she passed, he had found in her belongings a bucket list of sorts. It was filled to the brim with maps, pictures, and wishes to see the world. And so he decided to go see it in her place.
Every time he visits a place she wanted to see, or a place he thinks she'd like, he'll write a log entry about it in detail, leave her favorite flower at the location, and when he returns home he plans to leave the detailed log at her grave.
#Nanari#Answerin' asks#OC infodump hours#I love my old man#He just really loves his wife#He would have stayed with his kids back home#but they urged him to go#knowing full well if he waited till they were older#he wouldn't have the ability to see it through#They get to stay with their nice Auntie in the meantime#one of Nanari's gleaner friends#and wife of one of his retainers Amber#whom they've known since they were little#so they're good#<3
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.
#as a side note i had a moment of horrid irony when i thought suddenly that I WISHED mr knight were there#because he was at the vigil last year and used to be a part of my church. and i suddenly missed all my old housemates#who were here last year! went to hug people during the peace and a good friend asked if i was okay#i was like 😭😭😭😭 not really and then turned around and SAW the boy and was like well this is a twist in the plot i truly dont care for#anyway all's well i just cried buckets more my heart's been wrung OUT#he lives fae away. he was not supposed to come. anyway he did and i shook his hand formally because he offered to (???)#*far away#it was totally bizarre#he did not stay for long which. thank God. i wouldve been so much more tired if he had#but he wished me happy birthday which irked me because we'd had an unspoken agreement to not wish each other happy birthday (for fear of#mixed signals) which. happened i guess#it was INCREDIBLY bizarre. the safest ive ever felt in my life was when he was holding me#and now he's a familiar stranger i know too well whom i dont WANT to know#anyway it has been a heartwrenching and soul draining Lent and past six months or more and i was ready to cry#and so i did. bawled like a baby after certain readings and songs. cried and cried and cried#re: reasons for that concerning the ex boyfriend: it is SO weird and i dont know how to deal with it#like. i still have so much love that it feels like grief and the grief bleeds into that love too#but that love isnt for HIM anymore or at least not the person i found he was. so now it really does have nowhere to go#ANYHOW IT'S LATE BUT THE POINT IS. HE IS RISEN AND THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS#THAN SEEING YOUR EX BOYFRIEND AT CHURCH AND BEING LIKE ?????? HUH????????
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Taking a bath for the first time in AGES. thank god for mutuals with bathtubs
#at my friends' place. one of whom is a mutual#i got that new tattoo swag and a bath after a good day at work#i have many friends who love me and i love them and life is suddenly so good#i am writing my Bachelor's thesis on judas and my favourite prof (and friend) will be my second examiner#my dad is taking me to scotland for a couple days after xmas#I'll see my best friend in 3 days#the pain is finally paying off#quip
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also i'm team rinharu for the record. obviously
#shrimp thoughts#thought i started from nitorin and kind of... disliked rinharu. i don't remember if it was because i simply found some shippers obnoxious#or something else BUT i was team nitorin until... man i don't remember if i converted pre-s1e12 or even later... i started writing#(redacted) like... right before s2 started airing. i think a good chunk of why i was a nitorin person was my spite protectiveness of#nitori AND the way people kind of idk. assumed he would be a shrinking violent uke to rin's big rough seme which i took delight in flipping#god. i remember how popular aggressive top rin was pre-s1e12 AND THEN... AND THEN#during s2 i don't think you could find many rinharu shippers who thought rin topped lol. ach! the times of top bottom discourse!#ach... i lost contact with everyone from that time#ACH... THINKS BACK TO THAT ONE CATFISH SITUATION#there's still an artist who used to post cql/md/zs art whom i know and i think was once mutuals with? in the free! times#or maybe i just followed them because they were a great fanartist? idr OTL anyway i'm really happy seeing their art now because#it was already lovely and full of personality but now it's just. literal perfection AND it's still recognizable as theirs :')#omg i checked the url of a friend i had back then and not only are they still active on tumblr they have EXACTLY the same url blog name#and bio... obviously i won't reach out because WITH WHAT but i'm happy they're still here aaaa.... i hope you're happy.....
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Oh hello 3am existential crisis. Haven't seen you around in a while...can't say I missed you.
#i don't understand how i can feel so alone and so isolated while also having a number of good friends#all of whom im a little in love with in different ways#how can you love so many people so much and still feel lonely?#is it because of all my friends only one is in brickspace and i rarely even get to see her?#i know my lack of physical contact is rather alarming (i get one or two hugs a month if I'm lucky.)#(and even casual non accidental touches are rare. i get maybe one of those a week.)#is that why i feel so alone and isolated? the lack of physical connection?#i wish i had a friend i could move in with. i wish loving people didn't hurt so much.#i wish i could believe the sentiment that all relationships are important and that platonic love isn't lesser than romantic just different#but ive yet to actually see that be true. i feel like ill never be someone's most important person. or even 6th most important.#im just so fucking tired#of everything.#is it me? am i off putting? do i do things unintentionally that keep people at a distance? what am i doing wrong? why can't I connect?#i KNOW im not broken for being autistic or ace or aro etc etc but fuck if I don't feel broken most of the time#fucking hell#definitely time for bed#i bet these feelings are being exacerbated by pmdd just like my fibro and my stomach and my sleep#doesn't make the feelings any less upsetting#fox thoughts#☉
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