#that i had little control over
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#delete later#i fucked up a lot at work last year when my aunt was dying. it was two-three months of me missing things and making mistakes. it was#also two-three months of constantly trsvelling bsck and forth across the country to visit and support. straight after moving inti#a new flat alone. i feel. astronomically bad for all the shit i missed and the amount of work i caused for other ppl. i have apologised and#thanked. and when i was asked A MONTH AFTER MY AUNT DIED why i had been missing so many things. i told them about my ocd#being horrific and thst i cant fucking think. and in the wrap up meeting today the director who i had to tell this to made s speech#to everyone about the importance of getting things right thr first time. and that others are affected and its not fair snd needs to not#happen. which is pretty much the speech i got after sharing my shit to her. and I know its not just directed at me. but im definitely#one of the ppl. and im just exhausted. i do feel guilty for not being able to do my job. but at the same time it wasnt my fucking#priority. my priority was helping my sister through panic attacks. helping my mum with chores. and tryinh not to lose it myself#snd then my priority was not destroying myself. it just feels like shit ya know. like. obviously companies don't care about any of that#they care that those hours you spent extra sre ones thst cost them money. thats why we log all our hours now. and im being#sensitive about something that wasn't explicitly directed at me. but im sure i popped into everyone's heads.#im tired. and im not avoiding responsibility for fucking up. I've admitted i fucked up. i just. im frustrated. that after two months of#horrible shit happening constantly. they were like 'why aren't you doing your job properly'. like even my manager who has#had to pick up my slack obviously felt bad for me in that private meeting. im tired. my head hurts. and honestly reviewing thst work#time is taking me right back to thst time and im gonna cry. i feel. useless and dramatic. but also. really angry that none of thst matters#to them#im incredibly sensitive and i know this. im overreacting and i know this. i know they weren't saying im useless and they hate me#i also know i made them frustrated. and thst feels like the end of the world. and then im angry thst i feel like thst bc of a patch of time#that i had little control over#eurgh im being stupid. my head hurts. im so tired. i dont want to do any of this anymore. the impulse to quit is so high but i can't do thst#and i shouldn't over something so small!!! snd now ik tslking myself out of beinh sngry and into being grovelly. fuck me mental illness#is a trip
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Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin
#😭#she might not think you’re a god or whatever but you’re the only one that ever came to save her#and if you let her read your mind you’re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her#like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop#like every relationship she’s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance#and if it benefits them even a little#lolth literally encourages this so long as you aren’t obvious about it#and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to#and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced#but it came with Orin and punishments for failing#and her being literallly mind controlled into her#so it’s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after she’s pulled out of it#but then there’s you who pulled her out of that#who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you#and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would#and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it#of course it’s ‘in your name’ now you’re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you#that wasn’t threats of violence and suffering#you literally gave her the opposite#she’s YOUR paladin it doesn’t matter if aren’t a god#you could be tho#Minthara#minthara baenre#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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sin eater
#sorry its been a minute!!! the horrors. you understand.#anyways yall ready for another gloom tag essay because here we go!!!#im constantly thinking about the ramifications of uzi literally eating cyn and her now being apart of her.#specifically how it impacts uzi mentally. like dgmw i LOVE the silly cyntail shenanigans in fanart (ive also contributed to this) however#when i really think about it in relation to uzi's arc i go crazy insane#uzi is a character who is grasping for control after a lifetime of not having it.#she has no control over how her peers treat her. she has no control over khan neglecting her for reasons that arent her fault.#she quite literally has no control over the solver taking her over and making her do monstrous things against her will#which solidifies her feelings of being a freak monster who everyone was right to outcast and mistreat.#because im Unwell i interpret her calling herself god as a way to convince herself of having control- and to lock away feelings of impurity#if anyone is in control- if anyone is loved and cherished despite any and all wrong doings- its a god.#and that all comes to a head when she eats the heart of cyn thereby destroying the AS- a literal manifestation of a corrupted god- for good#finally taking back control from the entity that had been terrorizing and traumatizing both her and her loved ones. but did she really?#cyn is apart of her now. powerless sure- but that doesnt take away the horrors she wrought previously#and even so- has uzi ever stopped being just a host? do you think shes terrified of cyn regaining power out of the blue?#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?#“sin eating” was a thing that happened where someone would consume ritual foods to take on the sins of a recently deceased person#thus absolving said deceased person of any sins and putting them onto the sin eater. being a sin eater ensured eternal damnation.#and i just think about that a lot. when applying that (symbolically ofc(somewhat literally. she very much is a cyn eater)) to what uzi did.#“gloom you're reading way too much into this” THE LITTLE GOTH ROBOT. MAKES ME INSANE IN THE HEAD. OK!!!!!#gloom.art#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones uzi#uzi murder drones#uzi doorman#uzi md#md uzi#uzi fanart
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the mourn watch background gives you such a GIFT in having other characters notice and call out on-screen that rook code switches like a motherfucker. the whiplash of hearing my snarky 'heeey I'm just a little guy! :>' funnyman rook speak the heightened ritualized phrases of the mourn watch with perfect seriousness and gravity completely naturally and/or break into an academic tone that can keep up with emmrich at the drop of a hat never stops giving me such endless delight. truly their real mind is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside some hideous mourn watch casual wear
#that last one was just for comedic purposes rye would NEVER wear the mourn watch casual wear willingly#he hated the new livery so much he hoarded every pair of the older watcher robes he could hunt down so they'd tide him over#in the hopes that the next uniform design would be less awful. he is a fancyboy at heart. he should be wearing so many earrings#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#A Watcher's work is never done#rye's whole deal is half built on the feeling of 'we've had a lot of fun here today folks. but at the end of the day I have given my oath#and I mean to fulfil it. so either help me do that or get out of my fucking way' that sort of naturally rises out of this contrast#and everyone who has for a moment doubted his complete seriousness and sincerity about it so far has ended up much deeper#than six feet under by the end of it all haha#I've found I've actually been able to build a really good sense of character here (with some reloading to see different options#to be sure lol I am a control freak) -- mixing in a stoic response in certain situations for example can inform so much with so little#and the contrast works out to be so much greater.#just this sense of a layer of levity and awkwardness on top of an immense and unflinching seriousness#that sometimes shines through. it's uh. it's been really good for me
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leona and her soon to be dead husband
before!!!!
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#oc: leona#mysims#ts4 edit#ts4#simblr#the sims community#sims 4#i think if i knew how to edit hair id be unstoppable#leona's so hot it makes me SICKKKKKKK#CURRENTLY TEARING MY SKIN OFF#leona wearing black to her own wedding to represent the death of her life shes so dramatic i love her#leona's family forced her to marry salvatore who audra and her eventually kill and fuck like freaks while covered in his blood <3#they've never had control over their lives so them murdering salvatore was their first taste of having real power#their addiction for it started from there#murder wives i love you#enzo edit on the agenda next ENZO FANS RISE UP!!!!!!!!!!#i never usually post the before picture but i think the lighting is a little delicious#i made this photo so much harder to take i forgot relight existed and was using a lamp to try and get the right lighting </3
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Tim unconsciously sending/showing signals of his feelings for Lucy
#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford multi#Or rather Tim's body responding to what his mind has not yet caught up with and his actions showing/ revealing#his feelings in full display. Or rather Tim's mind suppressing what he doesn't want to acknowledge#Tim closing the door to the possibility of having developed feelings for Lucy while she was his rookie or rather ..#Tim not thinking of Lucy in that light as she was his rookie but feeling so much for her and not understanding what he was feeling.#Because this is uncharted territory for him. This feels different. What he feels for her and what she has given him.#Or rather Tim needing to be in control and how he couldn't control his heart letting Lucy in.#Or rather allowing Lucy to take space in his heart gradually until she covers it completely with her love and kindness#and not realising just how deeply he had fallen for her. How she came to be this important person in his orbit#How she came in his life and changed it for the better. How she was his rookie and his friend and how this one person could mean so much#and how he can't bare to lose her.#How little control he had over how he feels for her and how he came to accept and embrace that#how the entire foundation they built was worth risking and exploring to him#because how could something so beautiful not be?#*takes a breath * ok. I wish I could convey all of this more eloquently but my brain is just not having it.
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blood, blood, blood, pump mud through my veins 🩸
#dark urge#baldur's gate 3#bg3 fanart#bg3 durge#bg3 bhaalspawn#have you ever had a throwaway character you didn’t plan on obsessing over#bc u went full evil with that character#i cannot stop thinking about her#i wanted to go full control with gortash and then the brain just 🧍#i’ll replay her a little bit more tame and a little bit less evil#bc while the game made playing evil fun#it also took a lot of quests away obviously lmao#the line is from in this moment’s blood#also artwise - i’m trying to find a balance between things looking good and leaving them unfinished#procreate#zazrichart#i hate how nasty gla/ze and night/shade look on some of my paintings#but we need it ugh 🗡️
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[ cw: trauma / ptsd / violence / brainwashing / ]
I’m not done talking about Raph and Leo yet because you know what kills me? How the beginning of the movie with Raph very angry at Leo to the point of lashing out at him is paralleled with how the end of the movie has the Krang very, very angry at Leo and beating him horrifically.
Both Raph and the Krang are so much bigger than Leo, both have been very angry with him, and both deem him responsible for ruining their respective missions.
To make matters worse, Raph’s body was used to hurt Leo. So it’d make sense for Leo to just…flinch, sometimes. To have his body reflectively brace for a blow that will not come because Raph would see this and just be horrified. Their fights, their roughhousing, their existing together all have a newfound and unwanted extra layer to them.
And Raph? Raph is traumatized enough having been brainwashed the way he was, turned into a monster in a way he always dreads in general. To be made into the antithesis of a hero and instead be a villain’s pawn, made to hurt his own family…poor kid, to say the least.
Can’t imagine what it must feel like, the first time post invasion that Raph gets mad at Leo and they fall into their old dynamic only for Leo to see the Krang and for Raph to feel like he is the Krang.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise raph#rottmnt raph#rise leo#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#I mentioned this in the tags of my previous post but I had to make a whole other post for it because ow#imagine Leo being more responsible largely because he learned valuable lessons and grew up some…but also because a part of him is scared#and doesn’t want raph mad at him#not really because he doesn’t want to be afraid but because he doesn’t want to be afraid of RAPH#and raph? god raph probably is so terrified of accidentally hurting his brothers - especially Leo#not knowing if at any point he’d be taken over or lose control and ‘wake up’ to find his little brother beaten at his feet#he’d probably be simultaneously so SCARED of being separated from his family and accidentally losing himself…#…and also so scared of being CLOSE to them and not knowing if he may be used to hurt them#god these kids I think about them all the time#like the trauma of it is just…oof#Leo was very very brutally beaten by both the Krang AND a Krangified Raph#and no matter what he may want the body and mind remember these things#Raph’s body and mind were taken over and used to hurt those he cares about#he always strives to be someone his brothers look to as being safe but what can he do when he doesn’t even feel safe from himself?#god these kidssss
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personally i think the trope of "said something i wasn't supposed to while high on pain meds at the hospital" only works if it's smth actually incomprehensible. down with this trope. that and the whole "speaking out loud but the narrator doesn't know they are" trope. you should legally have to tag that i think. i know this usually happens for characters that would never admit something otherwise but actually there are a billion reasons someone would admit something they wouldn't otherwise. for example: someone else has a bomb-
#an essay i would never publish#/hj#a fic/book will be going so well and then they rush to this part#and it's like please give me a little more fun#also why is it that they always say this after waking up from surgery or smth like that and every single character is in their room#i'm fairly sure the nurse would be like “get the hell out of here so they can recover???”#like this is NOT a hate post if you like this then that's literally all the power to you#i just think you should tag it so i can't be surprised with second hand embarrassment#i also think it diminishes the impact of the reveal you're making because the character wasn't aware that they were giving this up#and if it's something personal to them then no one ever writes the part afterwards where they have to deal with the embarrassment#or the shame of it#or the fact that they had no control over that and now it's just open in the air for everyone to know#erinwantstowrite#writing
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240712 NeverNever Fanmeeting - Taemin Guilty ♥︎
#shinee#taemin#lee taemin#shinee taemin#kpop#dailyshinee#kpopccc#malegroupsnet#ksoloists#dailybg#smsource#kpopstages#the stage lighting for this performance was so stunningly well done. It's such a cinematic song and GOSH does the lighting reflect that wel#especially the beginning and ending (1st + last gifs)... damn.. they looked like paintings almost and i just had to gif this video#and then look at that part of the stage where the lights go dark blue and you can barely see him through the dim!!! gorgeous! GORGEOUS!#tho of course it's taemin himself that makes it all so artistic. but i betrayed him a little this time and picked moments to gif based on#the pretty stage lighting and not him/his dance 🤭🤭 sorry taem~♡ (doesnt matter cause he'll look good in every clip anyway 😉)#it's cool to see when he has control over the stages (like.. not a festival or con perf where he's guesting) there's and extra#flare of artistry added to the mix (like the lighting). it's 100% on purpose and u can tell 💛💛💛 little artist guy~♡#(i'm also about to post this and Guilty comes on. she's come. it's fate <3)
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@openphrase123 your fanfic(s but i mainly made art of the mira and siffrin one because i cant remember words for the life of me for i do not speak french) IS???? ? SO GOOD. SO GOOD IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH finally something to look forward to in the week fr
Mild spoilers for it ig!! But nothing too explicitly groundbreaking i dont think it'll kill your mom to look at these without having read the ff first
Don't mind the shit quality i??? I drew all these so fast theyre kinda shit and i have yet to fully acclamate isat to my artstyle so it's mid
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Teehee me when i make shitty rushed fanart to show my appreciation that i cannot put into words for my faovorite games and also authors
peep the rant in the tags
#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#god ive been obsessing over isat lately#its terrible how ive been feeding into it#ffs of it be having me giggling running around because siffrin is healing#not in this particular one though#at least not at the part thats written rn#i do love seeing them suffer in equal parts#siffrin my scrimblo i will microwave you#a mosquito is in my room as im typing this girl gtfo#slight spoilers for this fanfic i suppose#okay so THE FANFIC BROO that part where sif lets mira pick his name?! makes me think that sponsors always pick the names#hence why sif never got a new name and spica feels outdated#also i love LOVE seeing mirabelle get better and better at yk... remembering#needing sif to reintroduce themselves every time is such a creative way to do like a pseudo timeloop#everything was so neat#upset that i cant do them justice in drawinng though i have very little experience drawing black hairstyles#or like being around black people with such hairstyles which is a shame!! i would wanna get a better look at the texture and the variation#BACK TO THE FF i literally read this to my older brother out loud (thank god i managed to pester him to play Isat)#and my throat got so raw from speaking that i had to stop but then itd get to another cool detail and i HAD to tell him#so my throat pain? your fault not mine nuh uh not the lack of self control#case in point thanks a bunch for writing!! i wanna get as good at that as you at some point
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I'm starting to think some of you just don't know how the music industry works
#which is understandable i also didnt until uni#you would be SHOCKED how little control artists have over basically everything#learning about 360 deals had me wanting to quit for a straight month
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okay.
so it's either a very fancy very nerdy little anvil paperweight
OR
little tyelpe had a teeny tiny forge-like dollhouse made for him by feanor, who painstakingly designed every tiny detail and made all toy equipment himself because tyelpe, too young to be in forge, insisted that he absolutely needs to be a smith like his father and grandfather and needs to begin learning now.
and who was feanor to refuse his only grandson who wanted to learn his craft when he only started to walk without bumping into everything? feanor would be elated and would spend hours playing with tyelpe in his little forge. it was before the silmarils when feanor had all the time in the world for his beloved grandson.
the anvil was one of many parts of that dollhouse, one of few that made it to beleriand and the only one that made it through to the second age with celebrimbor.
he could never make himself part with it.
#yeah#nothing better than taking a look at an item appearing for like 1 second and making a heartwrenching headcanon#i love stabbing myself with angst#i headcanon that celebrimbor was very young when they left valinor#not a toddler but maybe an equivalent of 7-8 year old#old enough to understand some things but young enough to be absolutely traumatized#based on that one absolutely amazing fanart of curufin and little tyelpe where he apparently had a nightmare#and curufin says 'no one is coming to take you' and tyelpe responds with 'but they took uncle nelyo'#i saw it some 3-4 years ago and i kid you not it randomly appears in my brain just to haunt me#so he is still a child and was allowed to take some of his toys and obviously his little forge had to come with him#not all of it only some parts because there were more important things to pack#and feanor promised him they would make the missing equipment together once they settled down and were relatively safe#and then he died#and then over the years some of the toys were lost and some were broken#and then celebrimbor was no longer a child and when they had to run he packed food and clothes and weapons not his toys#but this little anvil he would snuck into his pack anyway#and against all odds the anvil made it through the first age unscathed#if there was one thing reminding him of better times it was this#somebody fucking sedate me#brainrot has taken control over my every thought literally#celebrimbor#tyelpe#telperinquar#curufin#feanor#rings of power#beleriand#valinor#first age#silmarillion
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Look, I love Jon as much as the next person but I think some of you have gone so far along the ‘Jon is a sad little man who did nothing wrong’ route that you’ve genuinely forgotten all the times he held power in a situation or like. Made a decision that hurt people
#yes Jon was in a terrible situation where he was manipulated and was often powerless and blamed for things he had no control over#yes there have been times where the fandom has been overly critical of Jon and it’s ok to try to combat that#but that does not mean Jon is completely powerless and ‘stupid’ and did nothing wrong!!!!#the entire Point of tma is that the morality of your actions and their results cannot be simply defined as good or bad#Jon was just a person who tried and sometimes failed#also it was a pretty big part of s5 that Jon was the most powerful person in the world. like. did we forget about the murders or#AND the stalking AND him being a totally arse to Martin in s1#anyway I understand where the poor little meow meow characterisation comes from but to me it’s just doing a disservice to Jon#ugh I can’t believe I’m kinda engaging in discourse#gonna be brave and maintag this:#tma#the magnus archives#Jon sims#be nice to me pls
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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I could definitely see Till getting angry at Ivan for what happened during Round 6 and choking him as some sort of payback.
Only for Till to be horrified by the realization that Ivan would just let him do it…
#till: ‘‘i’m so angry i want to kill you’’#ivan: ‘‘that’s fine with me as long as it’s you’’#till: wtf???#the power dynamic would be fascinating to see#till has had power/control over very little in his life#what would he think after learning how much influence he has over ivan? how would he act?#would he be disgusted (because he’d be no better than the alien owners)?#would he be honored (that someone cares and trusts him that much)?#would he be scared (a life is such a heavy responsibility)?#at the same time ivan is not without his own power#he knows till better than anyone#he knows how to push his buttons and get under his skin and get the reactions he wants#he knows that till is emotional and that the weight of ivan’s feelings might crush him if he confesses#oughhgh#i’ve once again failed to be normal about these two#ivan is still alive btw#this is not up for debate#alien stage#alnst#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#alien stage till#alnst till#alien stage round 6#alnst round 6#alien stage ivantill#alnst ivantill#ivantill#ivanttakethis shut up about ivan challenge: impossible#ivanttakethis talks too much
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