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wavesoutbeingtossed · 1 year ago

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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted #muses acquired like bruises

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softquietsteadylove · 1 month ago

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Badly hurt Gil and a caring Thena? :3

Gil blinked up at the ceiling. He really had no idea what happened to him. Last he could remember he was at work. They had a soup special so he was trying to get out the big stock pots from the shelf.

"Seems I'm still your emergency contact."

He nearly jumped in the rickety little hospital bed. It was like a dream, seeing her there next to him. But she smiled, holding a little paper hospital coffee cup and looking like she'd rolled out of bed to be here. Not that she looked bad, of course, but he knew her comfy hoodie and leggings were disguising that she had been in her pajamas already before coming here. It was her 'throw something on' outfit.

She still looked beautiful.

"You're still mine, for what it's worth," she admitted, albeit more quietly into the pitiful little cup. "Awful lot of paperwork, I recall thinking when I first considered changing it."

"Uh, yeah," he blinked. He wasn't seeing double at least, and he was pretty sure the faint glow she had was just because of the yellow-y light of the hospital combined with her natural prettiness. "You know what happened?"

Her light commentary left her and she frowned, her shoulders drawing inward. "You slipped at work. It was only a few small stairs of a tumble, but you got knocked out. They had to bring you here."

"Shit," Gil cursed, flopping against the pillows again. He was missing their busiest night, and that was besides the fact that the restaurant would not be happy about having to file a workplace compensation for his little accident.

"Are you okay?" Thena asked more directly, but just as gently. She leaned over in the chair she had dragged as close as she could. "Do you remember anything?"

He groaned, ruffling his hair, although he quickly learned that was a mistake, given the pounding in his head. "I was getting out some stock pots to make the soup special. We, uh, are supposed to store them lower down but it's easier to keep the food more in reach and the pots higher up."

Thena raised her brows at him, in a blatantly unimpressed way. "Because why have to get up on your tip-toes for salt when you could instead concuss yourself with a steel pot?"

He winced, and not just from his migraine. "Yeah, I guess that's about it."

Thena sighed, and he shifted in the bed uncomfortably. She had laughed it off, but she didn't really have to be here for him. They had called her because he hadn't thought to change his paperwork since their breakup. She had left the comfort of her home just to sit here with him. "I'm just glad you're all right."

He gave her a poor attempt at a smile. "Sorry, Thena."

He would have understood her being a little pissed at him for the whole mess. But she blinked at him, her eyes all teary. It made his chest clench; he always hated it when she cried, as rare as it was. His shoulders even flinched, wanting to reach out to hold her out of reflex.

"I was worried," she whimpered out with a wobbly lip. "I got a call asking if I was your contact, and they told me you fell, and were knocked out, and I would need to be here before you could be released, a-and-"

"Hey, come on sweetheart," he whispered, attempting to lean over in the bed to reach out for her. It really wasn't manageable, and also everything hurt.

She spared him, moving over for herself to wrap her arms around his neck. Her face buried itself in his shoulder, in a way that was so familiar it was painful (more painful than his body full of bruises). "Never do this to me again."

"I won't," he promised immediately. He wasn't sure how real a promise that was, the floors could get a little slippery sometimes, and he wouldn't say he was as naturally graceful as Thena. But he rubbed her back and turned his head so he could bury his nose in her hair. "I'm sorry, Thena. I'm okay, I promise."

She pulled away, swiping at her tears and making sure she looked annoyed with him enough that it would be chastising. "I'll be the judge of that. They've recommended you not be alone for 24 hours after you wake up, just in case."

Gil made a face, "I'm guessing I'm not allowed to get that surveillance at work?"

"Not a chance."

He sighed; they were really not gonna like this.

"They'll live," Thena drawled as she picked up her coffee again, only to immediately make a face and put it back down.

Gil eyed the sad little cup. "That isn't decaf, huh?"

"I'm sure it would taste just as awful if it were," she lamented, at least sitting back in the chair as she rubbed her temple.

Gil looked at the clock and then back at her. "I'm sorry they dragged you out here."

But she looked at him again with those big, beautiful green gemstones-for-eyes she had. "I would have come even if it were the dead of night, you know."

He smiled a little. He couldn't help it. He was glad to know that they hadn't ended on such bad terms that she would leave him to his own health emergencies. "Yeah, I guess I do know."

Thena tilted her head at him. "Not that there will be any more of these little incidents, now will there?"

"No, ma'am."

"Hm," she hummed to herself, but he could see that little almost-smile of satisfaction at the corner of her lips. She liked establishing herself as an authority in any situation.

He always told her she wore it well, that it was sexy on her. But he kept his mouth shut this time.

Thena looked over at the bag full of his possessions. "I've heard this go off a few times. Your workplace, I assume."

"Yeah, it's probably the boss man making sure I can't sue him for emotional distress or something," Gil sighed. He had a flash of panic as Thena pulled his phone out, trying to think if there was anything embarrassing he wouldn't want her seeing.

Had he taken the heart off her name in his contacts? Had he changed the colour scheme from the green that reminded him of her eyes? Were any of his top texts about how he was most certainly developing feelings for his ex-girlfriend and current 'something' again?

But Thena pulled it out and handed it to him before settling back in the chair and pulling out her own phone.

He pulled it up with a faint smile. He had half expected her to immediately open it for herself and start texting in his place. There was a time when she hadn't had any problem commandeering things in situations like this. He had found it a little bossy at the time, not that he'd mentioned as much.

Thena looked up from her phone, "do you want me to mention this to the others?"

He smiled at her even more. They really were different from when they had broken up, and he was pretty sure it was for the better. "Yeah, that's okay. I'm sure we would have told them eventually anyway, right?"

"Hm."

Gil went back to his phone, texting the guys at the restaurant and his boss individually, assuring them that he wasn't dead or even injured all that severely. Although he would have to miss yet another dinner service.

"It's okay," Thena began, and sheepishly at that. When he looked up at her she dashed her eyes away, "that I came here...right?"

He blinked, "they called you, didn't they?"

She squirmed, and he saw that hand tuck her hair behind her ear. "Yes, but I mean...had you had your choice of who would come, would it have been me, is what I'm asking."

Did he really want his ex to be the one waking him up and taking him home and monitoring him, she meant. Was it weird that they were doing something like this after having dissolved their live-in partnership more than a year ago? And if it wasn't, shouldn't it be?

But Gil couldn't stop smiling. Maybe they'd given him something for the headache while he was still out, but he was just so happy to see her. It was so soothing to hear her voice, so easy on the eyes to see her familiar blonde braid, no makeup, lazy clothes, bags under her eyes and all.

Thena finally managed to look at him again, toying with the end of said braid.

"There's no one else I'd rather have here," he answered honestly (maybe a little too honestly). Thena smiled down at her lap, too pleased with the answer to hide it but too embarrassed to do so directly at him. "Really."

Thena pressed her lips tighter together, something she did when she was trying to make herself smile less, not that it ever worked. But it was cute to see these habits of hers again. "So be it."

He eased back again. Maybe they did give him something, or maybe he needed more now.

Thena took notice of the very slight movement and leaned over him again. "I'm sorry, Gil, you can't go back to sleep just yet. They said they would check on you every hour. Now that you're up, I'm sure they have tests they need to conduct."

He pouted at her like a boy, "but I'm tiiiiiiiiired."

She smiled at him, and before either of them knew it, she pressed her lips to his forehead. "I know. Just focus on me."

Well, that he could do. He drew his eyes up to her beautiful, flawless face again. At least it was a nice way to keep himself awake. "Tell me about your day. Don't tell me you also fell down some stairs and got knocked out by a stock pot too."

Thena laughed faintly, filling the stuffy silence of the room. "Nothing so exciting, I'm afraid."

"Gilgamesh?"

They both jumped faintly as the door opened and both a doctor and nurse came into the room. The doctor looked at both of them, "and Thena--you're his partner?"

"I'm--he's--we're-" Thena tried and failed to get out as the two professionals just stared, waiting for an answer. Under the immense pressure, she managed to squeak out, "yes."

Gil looked at her desperately, but she was turning her head almost away from even the doctor. Nothing could hide the bright pink building in her cheek and spreading to her ears, though.

"Okay," the doctor smoothed over the weird vibe between them, moving over to the free side of his bed. "Gilgamesh, I'm gonna ask you some questions, okay?"

"Sure," he answered eagerly, although he was busy looking at his cute, flustered 'partner' sinking back into her chair and avoiding looking at him for all she was worth.

#Thenamesh Breakup AU #thank you so much for the ask!!!!#I hope you like it and I hope it's okay this is the au for it #I've been thinking of a scenario like this #because these two barely managed to change their addresses #let alone their contact information #all of that stuff Gil is worried about?#he had a green theme because he was like it's like her eyes!!!#he did remove the heart from her name but let's be real now #Thena's phone is worse #her background is STILL their trip to Australia #the background for her texts with Gil is a bear because she always thought of him as a big teddy bear #like it's EMBARRASSING but girl isn't good at change #that's why no one is allowed to look at her phone #anyway the doctor is like I don't know what the hell is up with you two but whatever look at this light #Thena is like oh god I've made such a mess of this I'm not his girlfriend but we're kind of seeing each other again #no one knows they're seeing each other again and it's not like they say they're dating #they're not back together they just text everyday and get together two out of seven days a week #and they're about two days away from adding those hearts back to their contacts but whatever #also their friends hear and they're all like Gil get well soon! of course #but then Sersi texts Thena like: how did you know Gil fell? where are you rn?#Thena just doesn't open the text because then maybe the question will go away #also she does take him home #takes the doc's advice very seriously #keeps him up for as long as humanly possible #basically checks his eye dilation every hour so he doesn't get any good sleep anyway #but yeah she's totally not still his partner

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