#that fact is crucial to appreciating his character

[florenceafternoon]

war shows character and James Potter proved his

[celestemona]

no because imagine their reactions when genshin dads felt their baby kick for the first time, i'd be crying imagine the 'i made this' or 'omgomgomgomg' reactions

no because i had to write it. thanks anon ♡♡

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘'𝐑𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐒

and they feel their babies kicks for the first time.

pairing: dad & husband! alhaitham, cyno, kaveh, kaedehara kazuha, lyney, neuvillette, wriothesley + heizou x fem! reader

cw: original characters, slightly ooc to fit the plot, domesticity, fluff. pregnant reader. use of endearment names; arabic, japanese, farsi & french terms. approximately 4.1k words. not beta-read.

reblogs and comments are appreciated ♡

Alhaitham

The first time you and your husband felt your baby moving was in the comfort of your home. The soft glow radiating from the fireplace cast swirling shadows on the walls, highlighting the warm and inviting space. You and Alhaitham were snuggled comfortably in your favorite reading nook—an old leather armchair adorned with pillows and a thick-knitted blanket. You made yourself comfortable in his lap, with your back resting against his chest, while one of your husband's muscular arms cradled you tenderly. 

As reading was a crucial part in your married life, every night you and Alhaitham found yourselves sharing stories. This time, you narrated aloud an ancient legend to Alhaitham and the baby in your womb. The tale’s language, despite being dead and little known, was not foreign to him. In fact, the scribe delighted in the tales whispered in your serene and melodic voice. 

“According to the desert dwellers, the world was once ruled by a king named Al-Ahmar,” you began, your tone carrying a sense of mystery, “a king of warriors, horticulturists, and sages. He controlled the winds that whistled through the desert, the dunes turned bright silver by the moonlight, and the thousand and one Jinn that hid in the night and the calls of owls.”

Although he already knew the story very well, Alhaitham listened to you attentively—the subtle glow of affection in his eyes watching you lovingly as his thumb traced circles on your waist in a comforting gesture.

As your voice continued to flow, a subtle yet distinct vibration occurred within your being, making you pause reading for a moment. Your eyes widened in surprise as the realization hit you, drawing a loud sigh from you. 

“‘Haitham,” you said, voice shaking slightly with emotion, “I think… I think the baby just moved.”

Your husband's eyes widened briefly before a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He placed a hand on your belly and his baby's little feet stretching your skin were felt under his palm. It was a feeling that filled him with warmth, love, and joy.

“It's the first time?” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper and his warm hand still under your belly. 

You nodded, your eyes shining in pure happiness. “Yes, it is.”

Alhaitham's smile widened, and he gently stroked your belly with a reverent touch. “It’s extraordinary,” he said softly. “Our little one is already making his presence known.”

You rested your head on his shoulder, and together, you savored the intimate moment. The book remained forgotten for now, overshadowed by the miraculous reality you were experiencing. 

In the peaceful comfort of your home, surrounded by the warmth of love and the promise of the future, you shared a precious moment of connection that would be treasured forever.

Cyno 

The soft, golden light of twilight filtered through the trees of the Avidya Forest as Cyno and you walked back home after a visit to Tighnari. 

Although the forest guard was against the idea of ​​seeing his very pregnant friend moving excessively and unnecessarily across the Sumerian plains, Tighnari knew that going against your stubbornness was a losing battle. Therefore, he ended up welcoming both you and your husband warmly into his dwelling. 

When you finally said goodbye after a day full of conversations and delicacies cooked by Collei, the birds were already back in their nests, and the serene environment of the forest was a welcome backdrop—although Cyno could see the exhaustion etched into your face. The weight of your growing babies seemed to be taking an increasing toll.

Cyno supported you as you walked, his arm around your waist. “You look tired. Let’s take it slow,” he said gently.

You nodded, your hand resting on your stomach. “It's just... The twins' weight is a little overwhelming today. I’m more fatigued than I expected.”

You walked slowly for a few more minutes until you arrived at an abandoned cabin nestled in the heart of the forest. Cyno helped you inside, guiding you to a comfortable seat by the window, where the soft light of the setting sun bathed the empty room in a warm glow.

As you settled into the chair, you shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a more relaxing position, although all you got in response was a dull pain shooting down your spine. A resigned sigh left your lips as you just accepted the situation you were in and waited for the discomfort to pass.

It was when your husband left the room to get something that could help with your relief that you felt a strange, soft vibration in your belly. It was as if butterflies were swirling inside you, bringing you a feeling of strangeness but delight. When you realized what it was really about, your eyes widened in surprise.

“What's the matter? Something wrong?” Cyno asks with concern visible in his expression. 

“I think the babies are moving.”

Cyno’s face immediately lit up in excitement, and he approached you, kneeling in your front. His hands were hesitant to touch your stomach and he looked at you. “Can I...?” he asked softly.

You smiled widely and nodded, placing his hand on the spot where you felt the movement. “Of course you can, hayati. You should be able to feel them now.”

Cyno closed his eyes briefly as he felt the small kicks and rhythmic changes beneath his palm. His expression softened into one of admiration and tenderness. “This is incredible,” he murmured. “They are already so active.”

“Tell me about it,” you say with a slight chuckle, “Now it is explained why I’ve been going to the toilet so much the last few days. These little jackals have been squeezing my poor bladder.” 

Cyno laughs along with you. However, his eyes were still mesmerized by your belly, his hands lovingly following his children's movements. 

At that moment, the world around Cyno didn't seem to exist. It was just him, you, and your babies. You shared a quiet, intimate moment, your connection with your unborn children deepening. The forest outside was peaceful, but inside the cabin, the air was filled with a palpable sense of joy and anticipation.

Kaedehara Kazuha

The sun shone high in the sky, casting a warm glow over the peaceful meadow where Kazuha and his family were enjoying the day. The gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the surrounding trees, their whispers blending harmoniously with the gentle melody of nature. Kazuha sat against a large oak tree with you resting your head in his lap, eyes closed in contentment.

Kazuha's fingers skillfully traced patterns on a windblown leaf, his serene expression a testament to his deep connection to the natural world. Your three-year-old son, Kazumi, ran around the field happily, his laughter mixing with the rustling of the grass as he played with a small wooden toy.

You, with your belly softly rounded with your second child, sighed softly—contentment evident in your relaxed posture. You placed your hands gently on your stomach, stroking it absently.

“I think she’s finally awake,” you murmured.

Kazuha's eyes softened as he looked at you. Until that day Kazuha had never witnessed his unborn daughter moving in your womb. The baby always seemed to be too sleepy to recognize her father's constant presence. “Is that so?”

Before you could nod, a precise kick hit the area above your navel. Your eyes widened at the force of the action, but an ironic laugh soon followed. “Absolutely. Looks like someone woke up to say hi to Papa.”

Kazuha's heart filled with an abundance of emotions. He carefully moved his hand to your belly feeling his little girl's rhythmic kicks. To him, the sensation was delicate, like the wings of a butterfly brushing his palm.

Kazumi, noticing that his parents seemed to be engrossed in something else, staggered towards you with wide curious eyes. He climbed into your thighs and his small hands also rested on your rounded belly. “What is it, ‘Kaa-chan?”

You smile gently, extending your hand to guide the boy's little ones to where the baby is moving. “It’s your little sister, Zumi. She’s saying hello.”

Kazumi's face lit up with wonder as he laid his head on his mother's belly, his little ears pressed against the gentle movements inside. His eyes widened in fascination as he felt the gentle, rhythmic kicks. “I can feel it! Kiki is saying hi!”

Kazuha watched the scene unfold with a soft smile, his heart full at seeing the pure excitement on Kazumi's face and the deep love in his wife's eyes. The night air was filled with peaceful harmony, his family united in this simple yet profound moment of connection and anticipation.

The sun continued to rise, bathing them in a warm, golden light that seemed to celebrate the new life they were eagerly awaiting. As Kazumi continued to listen to his sister's small movements, Kazuha gently brushed away his wife's hair, his pale fingers lingering on your cheek with a tender caress.

“I love you more than anything in this world. Thank you for making me the happiest and most complete man, my love.”

Kaveh

Kaveh stood in the middle of the room that would soon belong to his daughter, his eyes scanning every corner with a mix of determination and excitement. Samples of wallpaper, fabrics, and paint were scattered around him, along with sketches of various design ideas.

“I was thinking about using pastel colors,” he began, turning to you who was sitting in the only armchair in the empty room. “Soft tones of pink, yellow, and green. They are calming and will create a serene and peaceful environment for her. And look at this,” he took out a sample of fabric, holding it up for you to see and touch. It felt smooth against your fingers. “This is perfect for the curtains. It’s light and airy, and will let in just the right amount of sunlight.”

You watched him with a warm smile, allowing your husband to express his desires and thoughts openly, feeling your heart swell with love. “That sounds wonderful, azizam,” you add softly.

Kaveh continued, now walking a little and gesturing as he spoke. “I also want to incorporate some interactive elements. Maybe a mobile above her crib with small animals that move gently. Ah! And we could have a wall with different textures for her to explore as she grows. It’s important to stimulate her senses from an early age.”

As he spoke, you couldn't help but be amused by his reactions, also enjoying seeing this more relaxed yet excited side coming from him. Even though Kaveh considered your opinion as important as his ideas, you loved seeing the dedication the architect put into his designs—and when it came to something as intimate as creating his daughter's nursery, it was to be expected that his passion displayed twice as much. 

As he spoke happily, you listened to him in tender silence, but there was a strange feeling bubbling up inside you that left you momentarily intrigued. You attributed it to tiredness, or even hunger, but you ignored it, not wanting to worry Kaveh for nothing, much less interrupting his monologue. 

However, the vibration continued as constant, gentle but persistent movements below your navel, bringing you a slight feeling of alarm and surprise. When realization finally hit you, your breathing stopped and your hands immediately rested above your belly, feeling the movements more precisely.

“Kaveh,” you called him, your voice full of wonder.

He stopped mid-sentence and ran to your side seeing your static expression. “What? What’s happening? Are you feeling unwell?”

You shake your head, biting your lip in a futile attempt to contain your laughter. “I think she's moving. Our baby girl is moving!”

Kaveh's look went from worried to shocked in an instant, a wide smile opening soon after. He knelt down in front of you and gently placed his hands on your stomach. A light kick hit the area where his warm palm rested. 

“Hello, little one,” he whispered. “Guess you’re as excited about your room as I am, huh?”

You laughed softly, running your fingers through his hair. “She can already feel how much love you’re putting into this.”

Kaveh looked at you, his expression full of love and devotion. “I want her to know how much she means to us, from this moment until the very second she enters this world. Every detail in this room will be a reminder of that.”

You looked him in the eyes and smiled warmly. With some difficulty, you lean over and press a kiss to his lips to which he happily returns. “She's lucky to have a dad like you, Kaveh. And I am so grateful to have you by my side.”

He stood up and helped you do the same, quickly wrapping his arms around you right after. His head leaned against yours and you found yourself cradled in a hug filled with affection. 

“We will be the best parents we can be, azizam. I promise.”

Lyney

The soft glow of the night lanterns filled the room with a warm, golden light. The living room was filled with a pleasant mix of the smell of burning incense and the faint scent of fresh wool. Lyney was sitting at a small, ornate table, focused intently on a new magic trick involving his pyro vision. Flames danced gracefully around his hands as he wove them into intricate shapes, their flickering light casting playful shadows on the walls.

Opposite him, you made yourself comfortable on the couch, your pregnant belly prominent under your loose robe. You were diligently knitting a pair of socks, each stitch coming together with the precision of a well-trained hand. The rhythmic clicking of your needles provided a calming counterpoint to Lyney's fiery display.

Lyney's latest trick involved sending a small burst of flame through a series of arches suspended in the air. He was so absorbed in perfecting his performance that he barely noticed the absence of the knitting needles and the change in your expression.

Suddenly, you let out a loud sigh—a sigh filled with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. Your hand instinctively rested on your belly, the intricate strands of wool quickly forgotten.

Lyney's concentration broke and he turned towards you with a start, dropping all his tools and heading towards your way. “Everything is fine, sweetheart? Did you get hurt? I knew I shouldn’t train at home!” he blurted out the words in a frenzy, his voice tinged with worry.

You looked at him with your eyes shining with emotion. Your husband became more and more exasperated. 

“No no. That's not it. Quite the opposite actually,” you say, your voice thick with emotion. “I can feel them moving!”

Lyney's eyes widened, a huge smile spreading across his face as he realized what you meant. His expression was excited, and he sit next to you. “For real? This is incredible, chérie!”

You nodded, your hand gently stroking your belly and Lyney's just above yours. “It’s such a strange and wonderful feeling. It's so subtle that it almost doesn't seem to be there. I never imagined it would be like this.”

As if they knew they now had the full attention of both parents, the babies lightly kicked the area above your navel, eliciting another excited smile from you and a look of admiration from your husband for being able to be part of such a beautiful and intimate moment for the first time. He would never admit it, but his purple irises sparkled with happy tears for a few seconds. 

With a tender smile, you shared this serene feeling in silence. The room seemed to glow a little brighter as you sat together, your bond deepened by this new shared experience. Lyney leaned over, resting his head on yours, hands still resting on your belly feeling the slight vibrations there. 

“How about we take a break from magic and knitting? Let’s just enjoy this moment together.”

You giggled softly, your heart warmed by his loving gesture. “That sounds perfect.”

Neuvillette 

In the calmness of Neuvillette's office, the dusk in the sky cast a warm light over all of Fontaine. Its golden and orange rays crossed through the windows of the room, creating a serene atmosphere. 

Neuvillette sat behind his desk, his usual composed expression softening into one of gentle contentment as he leaned back in his chair. Opposite him, you sat comfortably in the armchair, one delicate hand resting on your growing belly and a cup of tea in the other.

The afternoon was calm, with only the faint hum of the city beyond the window in the background. Neuvillette looked at you with a warm smile touching his lips as he observed your relaxed posture. You were talking about your day, your voice carrying a gentle melody. Neuvillette listened intently, his eyes never straying too far from your face, enjoying the simple joy of your shared moments.

As you spoke, a subtle change occurred in your expression that didn’t go unnoticed by his sharp eyes. Your eyes widened slightly, and you placed a hand on your stomach, your fingers gently tracing its curve. Neuvillette immediately noticed the action and looked at you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Is everything alright, mon amour?” he asked, his voice carrying a slight hint of alarm.

Your eyes glowed with a mixture of surprise and joy. “I think… I think Éveline just moved,” you respond, your voice shaking with emotion. 

Neuvillette's eyes widened as well, and he quickly moved to your side, his hesitant but gentle hand covering yours on your belly. “May I?” he asked softly, his usual formality melting in the heat of the moment.

You nodded, your smile growing as you guided his hand to the right place. For a few seconds, you both just sat, your breaths mingling in the silent space. Then, Neuvillette felt it—a gentle vibration beneath his palm, a small movement that was both fleeting and profound. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, the world outside seemed to disappear.

“She’s already so active.”

A giggle escaped your lips. “Apparently yes. She’s letting us know she’ll be here as soon as we expect.”

Neuvillette took a deep breath, trying to savor the moment as his hand intertwined with yours. “I suppose this is one of those rare moments when words fail to capture the full depth of our feelings.”

“I couldn’t agree more, darling.”

Wriothesley

Wriothesley stood at the bedroom window, admiring the marine life outside, which was enjoying the sunlight reflected in the crystal-clear waters of the Fontaine's sea. He was already dressed in his usual attire, mentally preparing himself for another day of responsibilities at the Fortress or Meropide. Despite the weight of his duties, a small smile played on his lips as he listened to the sound of water running from the shower in the adjacent bathroom.

“Are you done, love?” he shouted, looking at the clock on the wall. “We have a council meeting in half an hour.”

Your voice floated back, warm and cheerful. “Give me two minutes, Wrio. I'm almost finishing.”

He shook his head, amused by your nonchalance. Even pregnant with your first child, you continued to be a pillar of strength and efficiency, working alongside him to keep the prison running smoothly. The thought of his unborn child brought a gentle warmth to his heart, a feeling he was still getting used to.

He began to organize some papers on his desk, mentally preparing himself for the upcoming meeting, when an abrupt, piercing scream crossed the air. Wriothesley's heart leaped into his throat, and he ran toward the door.

“Sweetheart, what happened? Did you get hurt?” his voice was full of panic as he walked in, expecting the worst.

Standing there in the shower, allowing the water to cascade over your naked body, your hands cradled your belly. Though your eyes were wide, there was no fear in them—just astonished joy.

“Everything is fine. I’m fine,” you reassured him, your voice shaking with emotion. “He kicked. The baby kicked for the first time.”

Relief washed over him, quickly replaced by a wave of wonder and joy. He helped you out of the shower and then pulled you into his embrace, not caring that he was getting wet due to your body that just came out of the shower. Gently, he placed his hand on your belly and waited a few seconds before he too could feel the slight movement under the curving skin.

“There he is,” he whispered, his expression melting in pure devotion. “Our son.”

You nodded, happy tears blurring your eyes. “Sigewinne said it was normal for some babies not to move in their mothers’ wombs, but I think he’s finally trying to say that he’s as eager to meet us as we are to meet him.”

Wriothesley leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to your lips. “I can’t wait to meet him too,” he said softly. “This is the best way to start a day.” 

Your husband held you for a while longer, just reveling in your presence and the magical feeling of your unborn baby being present under the palm of his hand before he reluctantly pulled away. 

“Although I'd like nothing else than stay here forever, we must dry and dress you. We have a meeting to attend and I want our little one to see how his mom looks like when she's doing what she does best.”

You waved in contagious joy. “Of course, Duke. As you wish.”

After a few more exchanges of caresses, you prepared for the day, your hearts excited for the new life growing. Fortitude may take a lot out of you, but moments like these remind you of the joy and love that made each challenge worth it.

BONUS

Heizou

Moonlight streamed in through the bedroom window, casting a soft, silvery glow over it. Heizou was lying comfortably behind his pregnant wife, his hand resting gently on your rounded belly. The room was quiet except for your steady breathing and the occasional rustling of the sheets.

Suddenly, the detective felt a slight movement under his hand. It was no wonder he was such a light sleeper given his job and all. And then, because he thought it was you constantly moving in your sleep, he chuckled softly, bringing you closer to his embrace. “Can't stay still, huh?”, he murmured playfully.

Feeling the same movement, you opened your eyes slightly and lightly pinched his thigh. “Stop poking my belly,” you mumble, still sleepy, “You know it tickles.”

Heizou smiled in the dim light. “I’m not poking you,” he replied, gently patting your belly. “Maybe you’re just dreaming.”

You sighed, momentarily awake, and turned to face him, narrowing your eyes in mock severity. “Oh, of course. Blame my dreams when you're always the one causing trouble.”

Heizou raised an eyebrow, feigning innocence. “Me? Causing problems? I would never do that.”

You stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter, taking care that the loud sound of your voices didn't disturb anyone else's sleep. 

When you were coming back to him with another bicker comment, another subtle movement appeared and interrupted your joking time. You caught your breath in surprise and placed your hand over your husband's, which was already resting on your belly. 

“Did you feel that?”

Heizou's playful smile disappeared and was replaced by an expression of delight. “I did,” he replied, his voice now a mere whisper. “You think...?”

“It’s the baby,” you nodded, your eyes shining with joy. “Our little Ren is moving.”

Heizou's face lit up with a mixture of excitement and tenderness. “Well, it looks like our baby takes after me,” he said, his teasing tone returning. “It’s already causing a bit of confusion.”

You rolled your eyes but giggled, “Great, just what I needed—two troublemakers.”

Heizou leaned in, his forehead resting against yours. “You love it,” he whispered, his eyes shining.

You rested a hand on his cheek, suddenly feeling a rush of warmth and love. "I do. I love you both."

You stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the shared joy of feeling the baby's first movements. “You know,” Heizou said thoughtfully, “if this is how our little one is right now, we might be in for some sleepless nights.”

You laughed a little louder this time.

“Well, I was already prepared for that. Besides, I have you by my side. So I think we will do very well.”

Heizou kissed you gently. “We will be the best team, my dear,” he promised.

[aossimusings]

Claire from the Bear, and why she's not badly written, she's just not occupying the character role people expect of her and they don't know what to do with that

Alright. I'm bringing some film student analysis to The Bear, and subsequently, Claire, because I'm tired of people saying crazy things like, "she's a manic pixie dream girl" or that her character is underdeveloped or badly written or that she's pure male fantasy or any other crazy, extremist reaction to her character, when really, I think she's occupying a different character role than we're used to seeing from characters like hers, and in typical The Bear fashion, we as an audience are not being told how to interpret her character with words, but with visual and narrative structure.

Be warned, this is a very, very long post.

Lets take a minute to understand narrative structure in film:

There's an A plot and a B plot. The A plot is what is referred to as "the promise of the premise." It's why you come to watch what you watch. The B plot is all the emotional character development/growth that undergirds the A plot and makes it emotional and impactful. So in the Bear, The A plot is the whole thread of, let's fix the Beef -> let's make a new restaurant -> let's get a star, etc etc, that evolves with each season. The B plot is mostly centered on Carmy (although other characters also have their own smaller B-plots) and on him healing from his grief and family and kitchen trauma and finding himself as a person, etc etc.

Claire as a character is a B-plot character. Her role as a character is to be a part of Carmy's emotional B-plot development, whereas the rest of the characters in the show occupy roles in both the A plot and the B plot. In a show centered

The thing that I think is causing a lot of the discourse around her character is the fact that she's not occupying a typical character role for her sort of character, and then people don't know what to do with her. They're either trying to slot her into a a bad female character role (like a manic pixie dream girl) and are then angry that that type of character would be included in the show, or they think she's a badly written attempt at a more developed character and are then angry because they think her character was fumbled, when in fact, she's neither.

Let's take a minute to examine these two roles:

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl

A manic pixie dream girl as defined by the Oxford language dictionary is:

"(especially in film) a type of female character depicted as vivacious and appealingly quirky, whose main purpose within the narrative is to inspire a greater appreciation for life in a male protagonist."

On paper, I can see why people would say that she's a MPDG. She's a little quirky, and she appears to "inspire a greater appreciation for life" in Carmy. She's a doctor, but she's a bad driver, she loves Mondays, she shoplifted in high school for the adrenaline rush, etc, etc. But I would argue that she's not actually a MPDG because her role in the narrative is fundamentally different than that of a MPDG.

In terms of narrative, MPDGs are a catalyst. They are crucial to the movement of the plot and the development of the main character. Specifically, they're supposed to be a catalyst for main male character growth. This is part of why MPDGs are a sort of problematic character -- the idea that they don't get dimension as a character, yet their entire role is to catalyze the main male character's positive growth and evolution is sexist. They aid the MMC at the cost of their personhood.

However, notably, Claire doesn't actually inspire positive growth in Carmy. He is not made better for knowing her. He doesn't grow as a person, learn from his mistakes. He isn't calmer or nicer in the kitchen, he doesn't resolve any of his trauma, I would argue that he doesn't even have a "greater appreciation for life" as is critical to the relationship between the MMC and the MPDG; he is just as depressed and anxious for knowing her as he was when he didn't know her.

So Claire: not a manic pixie dream girl, despite being quirky and trying to "inspire a greater appreciation for life."

The Badly Written Main Female Character

I think for a lot of viewers, if Claire isn't a MPDG to them, she's viewed as a badly written, badly developed main female character, who isn't afforded a lot of screen time, and as such, is one dimensional because she doesn't get much character development.

Wait, what? She's a badly written main character without a lot of screen time to develop? But part of being a main character is to have significant screen time to develop! But Claire doesn't have a lot of screen time... Tina has more screen time. Sugar has more screen time. Marcus has more screen time. It's almost like...Claire isn't a main character, even though, as a love interest, she occupies a role typically only allowed to main characters.

So then...what is she? To understand her narrative role, we need to take a minute to understand what Carmy's B-plot has established thus far. My apologies for the following, very drawn out explanation of Carmy's mental health. I promise I'll return to Claire, but this is important.

Carmy's B-plot (aka, the emotional stuff)

Seasons 1 through 3 are essentially following Carmy having a slow, drawn out breakdown. Or rather, it's not slow. It's a pretty realistic depiction of someone who is pretty mentally/emotionally unwell continuing to not get the help that he needs, and trying to fix things unsuccessfully on his own. But admitting that he's unwell feels like admitting defeat, so he's trying to fix things while never actually admitting that he needs help, and as such, is in a self-destructive spiral of trying to fix things unsuccessfully, feeling out of control because of it, trying to fix different things unsuccessfully, feeling even more out of control, etc etc.

By S3, we have a better understanding of the Berzatto family structure: an unnamed father who walked out leaving them in debt, Donna who is/was an alcoholic and otherwise emotional black hole, Mikey who died at age 43 (born 1979, died 2022 as seen on his prayer card), Sugar who's 36 a year after his death (born 1988, confirmed by her hospital intake in Ice Chips), and Carmy who is 26 a year after Mikey's death (confirmed by the original script.) So when Carmy was born, Sugar was 10 and Mikey was 18. This is important because in light of Fishes and Ice Chips, Donna was an alcoholic for as long as they were children, was incredibly unpredictable with mood swings, poor emotional regulation and maybe even emotional abuse (see how Carmy and Sugar essentially are trying to regulate their mother's emotions in Fishes), and probably some physical altercations if Donna's behavior in Fishes is anything to go by. Sugar explicitly says that she frightened all of her children. Mikey was probably the de facto parent in a lot of instances, being the only other adult in the household. The fact that he was also an addict, and as seen in Fishes, also violent or unpredictable at times, complicates this. S3E1's scene with Sugar and Carmy at the airport implies that after Mikey started cutting Carmy out (and struggling with addiction) Sugar started to assume that parental role. So that's a whole fucked up childhood right there, with very little room to healthily develop emotions or coping mechanisms or an understanding of healthy relationships. In ice-chips, Sugar demonstrates that she's aware of this. "I ask people if they're okay way too much," and "I'd make myself sick to make you feel better." Everything with Carmy's character demonstrates that he does not have this self awareness.

Carmy explains in his al-anon monologue that the rhythm of the kitchen became soothing to him, because it was so rigid and so predictable (a direct contrast to his home life.) But while it was soothing, he also cut contact with people in his life, because the self-isolation made things "quiet" (and probably gave him a feeling of control, like most self-destructive impulses do) which led to him being incredibly isolated and incredibly dependent on work as a coping mechanism by the time he ends up working with the abusive NYC chef. Important thing to note about that: now his only coping mechanism has been polluted by abuse as well, and the trauma of that will haunt him increasingly throughout the seasons (coupled with the fact that he's probably never learned how to healthily process his own emotions, in part because he ended up having to set them aside to emotionally regulate his own mother.)

Then Mikey kills himself. (which again, is the fucked-up family figure of brother and parent and addict and idol all rolled into one suddenly dying on you after abruptly cutting your out of their life)

I say all this because I want to make very clear that mentally, Carmy is not well. Across his various al-anon monologues, the fridge conversation, his flashbacks, etc. it becomes really clear that he's never really had any sense of safety or security in his life except for maybe when he was 18-24 when he did the French Laundry, Ever, Noma, and Daniel. The amount of anxiety that he experiences in his day to day life is not normal, it's not healthy. It's exhausting and damaging. He's also probably pretty depressed, and probably had been even before Mikey and NYC chef. He talked about in al-anon that when he was a kid, he could never feel happy or excited about anything because he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop (arguably because of his mother, because if she was upset, she made everyone else upset to deal with it, and if she was happy, he was waiting for her mood to shift.) We very rarely actually see him happy or joyful in any of the seasons. So basically, as evidenced by that and what we see in the seasons, he's got this really damaging spiral of anxiety and depression, where he's so anxious he can't feel happy.

Pursuit of happiness is actually what brings us to Claire as a character. He meets her almost right after he talks in al-anon about the fact that he should "provide amusement and enjoyment" for himself. Then he meets her in a grocery store, and promptly, and deliberately, gives her the wrong phone number. Personally, I read this as Carmy knowing that he's not ready for a relationship. He pursues it anyways, for likely 2 reasons:

Pursuit of happiness. Sugar always wanted him to get away from the Beef in S1, now he's trying to get some space and do something to "provide amusement and enjoyment"

Mikey! In Fishes, Mikey was really excited about the prospect of Carmy dating Claire. At the time, Carmy was like WTF, but in the wake of Mikey's death, this is probably a way of connecting with him. See, I can do it! I can date a girl! I can do this thing that you thought would make me happy. I can be normal. I can be what you wanted.

Now a little film student analysis:

One thing that I love about the Bear is that they're really good at the whole concept of "show don't tell". You'll hear about this a lot in writing advice, but it's actually even more relevant in film. Here's a good example from the bear:

The Bear never, ever says that Carmy has anxiety. I'm not even sure if the word "anxiety" is even said onscreen. Instead, The Bear shows:

Carmy drinking bottles of Pepto Bismal and chewing fistfuls of Tums, yet rarely eating anything

Carmy sleep walking and almost setting his apartment on fire

the sheer amount of nervous energy he has (tapping spoons, sharpies, cigarettes, etc. , never standing still, being generally twitchy)

some really great tricks with filming and lens that make the world around him shift focus, shift perspective, blur, and otherwise visually simulate the effects of an anxiety/panic attack.

In film, you have to be incredibly intentional about what you keep in and out. In my first film class, when we were doing film analysis, a lot of people would start "I'm not sure if this was intentional, but..." and the film teachers immediately shut that down with this statement:

"assume everything is intentional. even if it wasn't, someone still chose to leave it in" meaning that, in film, what you see on screen is actually a fraction of the material that filmmakers had to work with; if something makes it through to the final cut, it was important.

I mentioned before that despite Claire occupying a main character role as a love interest, she does not get main character screen time. Like I said above, I think a lot of people perceive this as her character being done a disservice, that she's badly written, that she's meant to be this perfect male fantasy, etc, etc.

Firstly, I present to you the fact that characters such as Sugar, Sydney, Tina, Donna, all have absolutely beautiful storylines and arcs. They're complex, well-written characters. I don't believe that Claire's lack of screen time is because the show-runners secretly idolize manic pixie dream girls and women of "male fantasy" and thus Claire is supposed to be this perfect person who doesn't need any screen time to be developed (which feels like a thread I've seen a lot.). I really don't think the show runners are secret misogynists. Sorry.

What I do believe is that Claire as a character is not meant to be central to the story. The show very intentionally spends more time developing Carmy's relationships with Sydney, Tina, Sugar, Richie than it does with Claire. Why? A host of reasons.

1. Because Claire is a new form of escapism for him, not that the kitchen is no longer is sanctuary.

I talked before about how after the NYC chef, and I would argue, now that he's trying to start his own restaurant, his one safe space of the kitchen has become polluted with the same chaos and/or abuse from the rest of his life which he spent years running away from. But because he's so isolated, he has no where else to go. So he creates somewhere to go, by creating a relationship with Claire. That relationship is his new form of escapism.

The show communicates that to us in one very specific way: 90% of the time, if Carmy is with Claire, we don't see him. This is not 100% true 100% of the time, but there was a clear pattern that developed in S2 that time spent with Claire is time spent off screen. I think a lot of people see this as "not developing Claire's character" and not giving her screen time, when in fact it's more so about Carmy's absence.

When he ditches Sydney to move boxes with Claire, we never see that scene. We just assume that he was doing it.

When Sydney is trying to figure shit out in the restaurant by herself, it's implied that Carmy is with Claire, but we don't cut to them.

When Carmy talks to Sydney about all the menu things he talked about with Claire, we never see those scenes.

Why? Because he is escaping The Bear by being with her. It would be a very different narrative if we actually did see these scenes, because it would demonstrate that they have an emotional weight and importance in the show. Instead, they're defined by their absence.

Carmy and Claire's relationship is defined by its absence in the show.

2. Claire is not the right type of partner for Carmy, and we're not supposed to believe that she is.

I think it's interesting to look at Carmy's relationship with Claire through Sugar's relationship with Pete. I was talking with some people and they observed that in a lot of ways, it makes sense that Sugar would be with Pete because he is completely non-threatening. In many ways, he's the opposite to most of the men in the Berzatto family (note: I'm not saying Berzatto men are threatening.) But Berzatto men are loud, and opinionated. Some of them engage in behaviors such as: screaming in their kitchen, and throwing spoons and sharpies; throwing forks like darts at their relatives and also shouting; telling their nephews that there nothing and worthless and will never be anything; walking out on their families and leaving them in debt; lording their financial success over various family members. You also have Donna as a parental figure who also throws things violently, yells and screams, is an emotional black hole, and has aggressively grabbed Sugar at least once. Pete is about as far away from all of this as you can be.

I think that Claire is Carmy's Pete in a lot of ways. She's quiet, and calm, she's non-threatening, etc. She's not emotionally manipulative, she doesn't ask much of him (so when she does ask things of him, it's a welcome escape), she is a doctor, which is meant to help people. However, and part of why I don't think their relationship would work in the long run, is that Carmy doesn't need a Pete. Sugar has an emotional intelligence that Carmy doesn't, for one thing. For another, as alluded to by Ice Chips with Sugar listening to the podcast about Adult Children of Alcoholics, each of them were affected differently by their traumatic childhood. And quite frankly, I think that Carmy needs someone who can be gentle and empathic and quiet with him, but also someone who won't take his shit and can stand up to him. (because unlike Sugar, who tends to internalize everything, Carmy has a tendency to externalize everything.) He tends to take it out on the people around him, and I think he needs someone who can simultaneously shut that down and hear him out. And I don't think Claire is that.

3. The chemistry just isn't there.

I don't want to get into an argument about shipping. I can't predict if Carmy is going to get back with Claire after some emotional development, or if he's meant to be with Sydney, or whatever. Personally, I think that any discussion of a relationship is premature (and I think that Carmy knew that subconsciously when he gave Claire a wrong number and was very hesitant on the phone when she called him the first time.)

What I have observed is this: the few scenes that we do see of Carmy and Claire feel a lot less emotionally charged than other scenes in the show. Forgetting romantic relationships, there is so much more emotion and connection in the following scene than in the scenes we see with Carmy and Claire:

Richie and Carmy's conversation about purpose in S2.

Carmy and Sydney's conversation under the table in S2.

Carmy and Mikey's conversation in the pantry in Fishes.

The snippet in the fridge when Carmy's talking to Tina.

The scene with Claire that really sticks out to me having emotional weight is the scene in S3 where they talk about the days of the week, Carmy's hand scar, and Claire accidentally almost killing that girl in the ER. It hurt so much you couldn't feel it. Firstly, it's telling that that scene happened in flashback, not during their relationship, and secondly, the main thesis of that scene was more of a commentary on trauma than it was about their chemistry (ie, Carmy is so traumatized atm, he doesn't realize that he is because of how much it hurts.)

This demonstrates to me that a) the show writers can write emotionally powerful scenes, and scenes with chemistry, and b) the lack thereof in scenes with Claire was an intentional choice because it demonstrates that other relationships are more important for Carmy's character than the one with Claire.

For all that Carmy said that he loved Claire, we never see any evidence of it. It's told, not shown. Whereas his affection for other people in his life isn't mentioned, but it is shown: "I have time for this" and sitting down to talk to Richie about purpose. Buying Sydney a monogrammed chef's coat because she liked his.

His relationship with Claire is important for what it helps demonstrate: his desire for escapism, his self-destruction, his emotional immaturity, the fact that he has other very important relationships and that he needs to deepen those bonds, the fact that he needs to get his priorities in order. It's not so much about Claire. And maybe that will read as sexist to some, because it's more about him than it is about her, but I don't think she's really meant to be a main character either.

[saintsenara]

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely love your metas! You’re not only clearly a very talented writer but also blessed with such great insight into these characters that my dopamine levels always jump to absolute heights with every new post. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and being a real gem in this fandom ❤️

Also, because I couldn’t find any post (or did I miss it?) about specifically Harry/Snape (without a third person added to the mix) I would love to read your thoughts on it. Either romantically or gen, after the war, where Snape lives. Thank you so much for indulging me :)

thank you very much for the [exceptionally lovely] ask, anon!

snarry is definitely a popular request...

... so let's get into it!

[and let's also get out of the way that i do not back snamione as a pairing. you can find out why here.]

while they're by no means my otp - and while i'll admit to preferring both snape and harry paired up with lord voldemort - i have long dabbled in a bit of snarry, particularly because it's a ship which attracts astonishingly talented writers. and - in particular - astonishingly talented writers who think really subtly, intelligently, and creatively about life and love and all the questions therein. i'm always really struck by the nuance with which both snape and harry are treated in so many snarry fics, and i much prefer that to the more one-note treatment each character gets elsewhere in the fandom.

and - of course - why snarry works so well as a ship is because it has such a solid justification in both harry and snape's canon characterisation - and because this compatibility is made all the more interesting by the layer of conflict caused by snape and harry's mutually antagonistic relationship. harry adores the half-blood prince - looks up to him so much, in fact, that he genuinely wonders if the man was his father - because they're intellectually compatible, have similar senses of humour, have similarly self-serving aspects to their moral codes, and have a shared reactivity and emotional volatility. the text emphasises this frequently, most explicitly when hermione tells harry in half-blood prince that he doth protest too much:

"He tried to jinx me, in case you didn’t notice!" fumed Harry. "I had enough of that during those Occlumency lessons! Why doesn’t he use another guinea pig for a change? What’s Dumbledore playing at, anyway, letting him teach Defence? Did you hear him talking about the Dark Arts? He loves them! All that unfixed, indestructible stuff - " "Well," said Hermione, "I thought he sounded a bit like you."

harry is also willing to acknowledge these similarities himself, sometimes. he empathises with - and even, occasionally, respects - snape well before the conclusion of deathly hallows, and - crucially - does this on his own terms. him refusing to dismiss his disgust at his father's treatment of snape in snape's worst memory in order not to make sirius or lupin feel awkward is incredibly impressive - and is something i don't think he gets enough credit for.

and since one of the things which makes me a member of both tomarrymort and snapemort nation is harry's instinctive understanding of how voldemort's childhood affected him and voldemort's understanding of how snape's childhood affected him, this is something i think provides a fascinating seam for authors to mine when writing about snape and harry together.

similarly, post-war, i think snarry is one of the best pairings for exploring how both harry and snape come to terms with the realisation that - no matter how well it all worked out in the end - they were both pawns in a larger game. i think that snape is, really, the only person in harry's life who could ever come close to appreciating what it means to have dumbledore send you out to [nearly] die - and i also think, because the man is always at the forefront of my mind, that snape is one of the few people in harry's life who can appreciate the fact that harry, as much as he also hated and feared him, was impressed by, sympathised with, and wanted to help voldemort.

snarry is also an incredibly compelling ship for thinking about power, and how both harry and snape understand it. i wouldn't care about the age difference, or the fact that snape and harry's acquaintance is established while harry is a child and snape is his teacher, even if the dynamic between them could only ever be heavily unbalanced in snape's favour, because these are fictional people. but i'm often struck by how interestingly snarry writers deal with snape being someone who views himself, inherently, as a supplicant - and who therefore ends up offering harry the upper hand in their dynamic [whether this is platonic or otherwise] despite the fact that he is the younger partner. snape's capacity for destructive devotion and self-subordination is one of his most fascinating canon characteristics - and snarry is one of the best vehicles for exploring this.

indeed, the canonical snape clearly regards harry as someone who possesses power over him. his complaints about harry being rich, spoiled, and arrogant make clear that he considers harry to be the second coming of the dynamic he had with james [with it never seeming to occur to him that this is an absurd thing for an adult teacher to think about their pupil], while his complaints about harry's fame are because he views harry as an inherent insider [someone with a pureblood surname and the money to prove it] to the wizarding world while he himself is an outcast. this can cause some exquisite toxicity - especially when snape, who tends to view every interaction he has though a win-lose lens and who becomes incredibly nasty in both victory and defeat, is proven right, having insisted to harry that the wizarding world won't like its golden hero getting railed by a tenuously-acquitted death eater.

but it can also result in something surprisingly beautiful. harry likes to save people, after all, and snape would - deep down - very much to be saved.

and one way he can do this is by offering snape the forgiveness for his role in lily's death which it's clear the canonical snape refuses to accept he might be entitled to. and, in doing this, the pairing draws out a theme which i am obsessed with - that there is a lost generation, whose ghosts haunt the characters alive in the canon timeline. no matter how negative his opinion on james and sirius and so on is, by virtue of knowing them, snape provides harry with a connection to a world he would be a stranger to otherwise, while harry provides snape with a mooring in the present which makes dealing with the weight of the past - and processing the fact that he's virtually the only person he knew as a teenager who's still alive - easier.

i also think that fucking your enemy's nephew is iconic, and snape and petunia meeting again in a scenario in which he's harry's boyfriend is a concept that sustains me.

[tevanbegins]

The only people thinking that Bucktommy's storyline is ruining the show are the B*ddie fanatics and the homophobic fans who are disappointed that Buck came out as queer. However, the rest of the viewers don't think that way at all. Even if you put aside the BT fandom, the general audiences still enjoy the show. The improved viewership ratings reflect that.

BoBs don't want Buck to end up with the first ever man he has dated (this only bc said man isn't Eddie); they believe he needs to 'explore' his bisexuality more. The GA, on the other hand, is happy to see that Buck is finally settling into a stable, healthy relationship with a caring partner who respects him and reciprocates his feelings equally. Apart from many queer fans who are celebrating this crucial LGBTQ+ representation, most of the GA probably doesn't even care that Buck is with a man and the queerness of it all. They just like seeing a beloved character finally finding true love, after seasons of stumbling through a series of failed relationships.

Buck and Tommy's love story not only sustained the existing viewership, but boosted it further by drawing in plenty more new viewers to the show. This is apparent through the impressive ratings, and the fact that the show's renewal for season 8 was confirmed not long after 'Buck, Bothered and Bewildered' aired.

Another thing that BoBs don't realise is that the GA also comprises casual watchers and people who might not care about Buck or Eddie at all. The show has an Oscar & Emmy-winning actress among its main cast - Angela Bassett. It also has another beloved veteran actor like Peter Krause. There are people who are watching this show for them. There are people who may be far more invested in Bobby-Athena, Maddie-Chimney, or the Hen-Karen storylines than whatever the hell's going on with Buck or Eddie. Or there may be audiences who appreciate the platonic friendship between Buck-Eddie the same way they like Hen-Chimney or Hen-Athena with zero expectation of it turning romantic.

The only reason why it seems that B*ddie is the most popular thing about 9-1-1 is that their fandom is a loud and hyperactive majority across social media. Other fandom stans and GA/casual viewers may not be as dominant on socials, but they exist in a lot higher numbers than BoBs can ever imagine. BoBs overestimate their clout.

Bucktommies obviously love Tommy Kinard with their whole hearts, adore how good he is with Buck, and so would love for them to be endgame. But BoBs don't realise that even the audiences that are not hugely invested in Tevan as us BTs, are not losing sleep over the fact that Buck is with Tommy and not Eddie. They watch the show for other characters and storylines and all the drama and action. Buck's love life doesn't hamper their enjoyment of the show; they may be neutral to it. Even if not all of them maybe loving Tommy, doesn't mean they hate him either.

Again, the reason why Buck or Eddie's past relationships with their female LIs weren't popular even among the GA the way Madney, Henren, or Bathena are, is not because they wanted Buck and Eddie to end up together. I believe it's because those romantic storylines were half-baked or poorly-written, not making the casual viewer care enough. If Buck ever had a female LI with as much potential as Tommy, or if Eddie could treat a partner decently, those hypothetical ships could become popular too. People enjoy Bucktommy because of how beautiful their love story is overall, not simply because it's a 'queer' love story. Their storyline has the potential to be long-term, and Tommy being well-integrated with the rest of the characters solidifies the possibility of him and Buck going a long way.

What excuse would the BoBs who want Buck to experiment have had if Buck hadn't come out last season and Tommy were a woman? What if that storyline would still show a positive romantic development for Buck where the new female LI put in an equal amount of effort into the relationship, like Tommy has? Yes, a lot of the initial hype around Bucktommy was because it's a queer love story, but even if you replaced Tommy with a female character and made her care about Buck the same way that Tommy does, or have Buck be as smitten with her as he is with Tommy, many audiences would still dig that.

The same-sex aspect of it is just icing on the cake; the cake would still have been delicious if baked well (but the icing is significant for queer fans who crave good representation on TV.) But integrating Buck's bisexuality arc into a thriving relationship with a pre-established character is a welcome development for queer fans and GA alike. The viewership stats prove that Bucktommy is definitely not damaging the show, but contributing to making it more successful if anything.

So the BoBs need to know that all their constant whining, cyberbullying and Tommy/LFJR slander is not going to scare ABC or the showrunner & writing staff into giving them what they want. B*ddie fanatics are too tiny a portion of this gigantic equation (that exists far beyond the confines of social media), and losing them is not going to affect the network or the people making the show.

Even in the unfortunate scenario that Bucktommy doesn't last, most of the GA/casual viewers will still not stop watching the show. We BTs will be heartbroken and cry for a few weeks and then move on, because the show's writers can do what they want and owe us nothing. But we're not going to spend years bullying and threatening them for not making our ship endgame. That's the power of GA and the show will continue for as long as it has the ratings and network support to back it up, regardless of who Buck ends up with.

And for now, the GA is enjoying Buck with Tommy, so luckily things aren't looking too shabby for the BT fandom and the storyline should stay its course unless the writers decide otherwise, which they don't really have a reason to given the largely positive response reflected through the ratings. Even though we can't predict what happens in the future, we'll cherish every small or big Bucktommy win that comes our way until then! BoBs can keep screaming into the void as usual, but things wouldn't change because they think they can make it happen. That's all.

___

[pmpmyread]

Tailor-made

Content tags: mentee Nobara, mentor Nanami, papamin vibes. Summary: Nanami fills in for Gojo to lead an individual training session with Nobara, and you witness a new bond forming between the two. Characters: Nanami Kento, Kugisaki Nobara, Gojo Satoru, Reader-insert Pairing: Nanami Kento x fem!reader Word count: 3.8k | Also on AO3

Nobara was on the tail end of a combat drill, one of the many making up today’s training curriculum, which overall consisted of timed exercises to practice her Straw Doll technique. Her objective: take out a handful of cursed corpses as rapidly and efficiently as possible.

In the absence of Gojo, who had been called off to a last-minute mission overseas, Nanami was exceptionally supervising today’s session. 

The Grade 1 sorcerer had remained mostly quiet throughout Nobara’s runs, observing her intently and only interfering punctually to read out each of her circuit timings off his stopwatch.

While he was not as well-acquainted with her skill level as he was with Yuuji’s, Nanami did not need to be in order to realize that she appeared to be somewhat off her game; her stiff movements, vacillating focus, and some increasingly longer performance times were all indicators betraying a struggle that seemed to be more internal than otherwise, yet very much perceptible even as he stood at a distance, behind the metallic chain link fence that delineated the training field.

Nanami pressed his stopwatch just as Nobara closed out her drill.

“Four minutes, twenty-six seconds.” He called out.

It was her longest time yet.

He watched as Nobara dejectedly let her hammer and a handful of nails drop to her sides.

“Please wait a moment before you reset, Kugisaki.” Nanami instructed, as he opened the fence gate, entering the field to approach her where she stood.

Once he was in proximity, he found her crouched with her hands on her knees, still catching her breath, eyebrows scrunched into a frown, and eyes fixed ahead at the spot where she’d eliminated her final target. He knelt beside her before speaking.   “Kugisaki, you’re doing well overall, you have a very steady control over your cursed energy, which is crucial to your success. That said, I do notice that you tend to hesitate sometimes before sending your shots. It is the single determining factor slowing you down in your weaker runs.”

Nobara lowered her gaze just as she lifted her hands, glaring at them as though chastising herself.

Nanami continued, “You seem to be well aware of this, and I have a feeling you’ve already given it some thought. Am I correct?”

The first-year student was stunned at the level of Nanami’s perceptiveness. The two had rarely ever interacted, in fact, this was the longest Nobara had ever conversed with the 7:3 sorcerer. And yet, in the time of a single training session, he had managed to skillfully unearth the challenge she had been struggling with for weeks.

She finally gave a slow nod in return, eyes still fixed on her hands.

“Alright. Then I’d like to hear your thoughts, if you don’t mind, so that we can get to the root cause of this hurdle.”

Nanami’s incredible level of patience was not lost on her; he had let her run through quite a few drills on her own before this intervention, something she deeply appreciated as it had granted her the agency to trial and error and to attempt to find her footing on her own. Even now, as she struggled to find the words to formulate a response, he did not rush her; he simply waited.

She could see now, clear as day, why Itadori had sung Nanami’s praises.

After a moment, she finally spoke.

“I’ve been told that… I mean, I am aware that I have the tendency to underestimate my opponents, in battle.”

Just as the words left her mouth, her thoughts flitted to vivid memories of the close call she’d had on the detention center mission during which she’d run out of nails and failed to exorcise the spirits that came after her.

She had spent many moments, since that incident, wide awake with her heart rate accelerating in both fear and frustration, as she replayed the moments during which she’d believed that she was done for and as she tormented herself with the strident reality that she assuredly would have been, were it not for Fushiguro coming to her aid at the last minute.

Also resonating through her mind were echoes of Maki verbalizing this weakness of hers in her slightly harsh but kind words, during a discussion they had following a recent sparring session. As much as she’d appreciated her friend’s brutal honesty for the place of genuine concern it was coming from, the culmination of all of these incidents, combined with her first-year peers’ seemingly exponential growth in their techniques felt dizzying, even now.

She pushed against her knees to straighten up, determined to keep it together, and finally looked at Nanami for the first time, her voice shakier than she’d expected.

“I tend to get overconfident, so I’m trying to re-adjust.”

Nanami let her complete her thought, waiting a short moment to ensure that his student had contributed what she wanted to convey before he slowly nodded and responded.

“I see. I commend you for honing in on this vulnerability. The finite number of nails you are able to carry demands that you make each hit count.”

He picked up the two discarded nails that sat on the ground by her feet, right by her hammer and held one in each hand, pinching each at the head with his thumb and index fingers.

“If I can provide some advice: consider both your abilities and your limits.” Nanami hit both nails against each other, crossing them at their center to emphasize his words.

He continued, “You do very well with ranged attacks so try to make use of that distance to fully assess the situation. Once you determine your attack path and commit to it. Making that calculation up front will save you the risk of hesitating when you’re within closer range. Each sorcerer has a unique kit of abilities, so there will never be a single strategy that applies to all. Your self-assuredness and confidence are assets in the heat of combat so they will be advantageous to you as a sorcerer when employed appropriately. Do be cautious, but do not overcorrect and shrink yourself. This applies both in and out of combat. Understood?”

Nobara nodded again, hanging on to his every word, only now realizing how desperately she’d needed to hear them until they were uttered. Nanami’s advice was a balm of calm over the storm that was in her mind.

“Good.” Nanami dropped both nails in his left hand and picked up her hammer with his right, handing them to Nobara before he stood to his feet. “Are you up for trying again?”

“I am,” she replied, a newfound wind of determination coming into her sails.

When Nobara resumed her exercises, the impact of her incorporation of Nanami’s advice did not take long to manifest itself;  her movements had shed their delayed indecision and became swift, and her overall technique from visibly irresolute to decisive.

Her drill timings finally began showing some incremental improvements.

When she completed her final circuit several drills later and approached Nanami at the sidelines, he simply brought up his stopwatch to her eye level, letting her read off her time herself, instead of calling it.

“What… under three minutes?!” An expression of relief chased one of shock on Nobara’s face, as she absorbed her new record, before bringing her fist down in a rejoicing gesture.

“Yes! I can’t believe I did it!”

“Good job, Kugisaki.”

“Thank you, Nanami-san! Seriously, this changes everything.”

“No need to thank me, this was all you.”

“And I just know I can beat this record too!”

“That’s the spirit, you’ll get there with a bit more practice. And always with confidence.”

They tidied the training area and Nanami closed the gate behind them before the two began making their way back to the school.

“Hey Nanami-san,” Nobara started, the light swing of her hammer as she took each step surfacing her lighter mood, “since we are on the topic of confidence, I want to say for the record that no matter what Gojo-sensei says, I’ve always admired the way you rock that tie. Not only is it a great display of confidence, I think it makes for a unique statement piece!”

Nanami looked down at his signature leopard print tie, measuring his words carefully.

“And just what exactly has Gojo been saying about—actually, never mind I’ll deal with him myself once he returns.”

“I’ve been looking for a statement piece to add to my wardrobe. I just can’t find anything that suits my style. The stores that Gojo-sensei showed me are too trendy for my taste. It’s hard to select something when everything looks the same.”

“I am certain that Gojo-san’s shopping habits consist of simply purchasing the entirety of a brand’s available catalog available that season. He has no selection process,” Nanami replied, flatly.

Nobara cackled at the unexpected snark coming out of the otherwise stoic sorcerer.

“Yes! That is exactly what I told him! It must be great for keeping your wardrobe fresh, but we’re not all Gojo, and really sometimes you’re looking for that one piece that brings out your individuality. Surely this is possible in a city as large as Tokyo. My search continues!”

Nanami looked down at his tie once more.

Individuality.

That was the term that ignited an idea in his mind.

Later that afternoon, you were making your way towards the school’s break room, particularly eager to take what would be the first break of the day during a work week that had been hectic as ever, typical of one for an auxiliary manager during this busy time of year. So when you found Nanami leaning against the counter, seemingly on a break of his own and sipping on a cup of tea, you were elated by the surprise of his presence.

“Good afternoon, Nanami!”

You noticed his eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he returned your smile.

“Good afternoon,” he replied, handing you a freshly prepared warm cup of tea.

“Matcha green, just for me? The man that you are… And with such perfect timing!”

“I heard your Shinjuku mission was wrapping up early, I figured you’d pass by here before your next mission.”

You took the cup and briefly closed your eyes as you brought it to your lips to take a sip. A formula you’d prepared for yourself for years and one that you’d thought to have mastered, now progressively seemed to taste better whenever Nanami made it for you. You hummed in delight as the familiar warm mixed notes of sweetness and bitterness hit your tongue.

“Thank you. But I must ask, is there an occasion for such a lovely treat?”

“Am I not allowed to prepare a tea for my colleague?”

“Colleague? Since when was I demoted to that?”

“Since I got demoted to Nanami,” he responded, without missing a beat.  

“I— come on, we’re at work… it’s a force of habit—” You took notice of the slight upturn of his lips as betraying his sly smile creeping up to his face betraying his relishing at your stammering struggle. “Yeah, it’s fine, I really hope you enjoy messing with me,” you said as you gave him a light, playful hit on his arm.

“You know I do.”

You took another sip, taking your time to savor it, before speaking again.

"For all of your posturing, Kento, I can tell you have something to tell me.”

“Oh, am I that obvious?”

“Well, let’s see. Impromptu midday encounter during dead time between missions and lessons…” You leaned towards him in mock conspiracy, “It’s side quest time, isn’t it?“

Side quest time was a term you’d coined to define the few occasions during which you and Nanami would make creative usage of dead time and your access to the car issued to you by Jujutsu Tech, a manifestation of a rebellious streak you’d managed to surface within him as the two of you grew closer. You would sneak out to lunch at a cafe you were both meaning to try, or drive up to a nearby park or lake just to get away from the hustle and bustle of the school.

While Nanami was the proactive planner in the matter of your real dates, you were the usual orchestrator of these clandestine outings. Facing the prospect of experiencing a rare initiation on Nanami’s part, your curiosity was now decidedly piqued.

“Yes, side quest time.”

“Though word of warning, I was assigned to a last-minute dropoff.” You paused to look at your phone. “Meaning my break ends in less than an hour. So this would have to be fairly quick.”

“That’s fine. I was intending top plan this for another day anyway. I don’t want it to be rushed and you’d need to be there for the duration of the time as I’d like to rely on your opinion throughout this.”

You set down your cup on the counter after your current sip, now fully invested in learning where he was going with this.

“Alright, now the suspense is killing me. Please tell me what you have in mind before I combust?”

“I only took a quick glance, and was simply indicating that the colors complement each other, nowhere in that statement did I evaluate the material!” You exclaimed, raising your hands up in defense.

“Yes, but leather and velvet?” Nanami asked, his tone dripping with judgment. “You know Kugisaki, perhaps it was a mistake having her tag along,” he said, teasingly.

“And what exactly do you mean by that, Nanami?” You replied, in mock indignation.

Nobara gave an amused glance between you two, visibly entertained by your playful dynamic before quickly coming to your rescue, sweet as ever.

“Nanami-san, she’s right the colors match amazingly!” Nobara quickly said, before turning to you, with an apologetic expression, “We do just need to find a better combination of fabrics.”

“Thank you, Nobara, for not making me feel completely useless.”

“You are so not useless! And you helped me get properly measured for the first time, thank you, I really appreciate it!”

“You’ll have to thank Nanami-san,” you started, eager to put him on the spot in an act of retribution for his earlier teasing, knowing that he disliked this sort of attention. “This was all his idea, after all!”

As expected, Nanami quickly schooled his expression back to a neutral expression. Luckily for him, one of the shop attendants returned from the back store where he’d disappeared about an hour earlier.

“Ah, Kugisaki, let’s go take a look at the final result, shall we?” Nanami said, gesturing for Nobara to join him at the counter.

If you had to decide what touched you most between the context and sequence of events that brought you to your current reality and the scene that was unfolding in front of your eyes, you would lean towards the latter, but only due to the tangibility granted by the present moment.

A few days had elapsed since the day you’d listened to Nanami share the details of the training session he’d had with Nobara, of the subsequent seemingly offhand conversation he’d had with her that ended up meaning so much more to him, as evidenced by the idea that was sparked in his mind that afternoon.

Days later, and you could feel the stillness in the air, as he spilled to you, unprompted and through a short and succinct monologue that would come to typify him, the meaning behind his signature tie.

You recalled Nanami’s eyes unfocusing as he slipped into memory, quietly peeling the layers beneath a promise he had made to himself, years ago, just after he’d decided to step back into the world ruled by the violent dynamic between curses and the sorcerers that exorcised them. 

He spoke of a commitment to depart himself from the normalcy he had once craved and chased so ardently during his stint in the corporate world, a sentiment he’d since traded for one of proud individuality, shedding any remnant of his desire for conformity in the process. 

All this, symbolized in a simple patterned tie. 

He never explicitly said as much, but you understood this to be one of Nanami’s many acts of rebellion against a system he still held some contempt for. And you admired him all the more for it.

While your relationship with Nanami was fairly new, you believed that you had a solid grasp of his nuanced personality. After all, you’d spent a lot of time observing him both from a distance as well as from your newfound proximity; you’d seen him in action in the line of duty and you’d watched him interact with Yuuji, and witnessed how his bond as a teacher and a father figure had evolved over time.

And yet, nothing could prepare you for the gesture he wanted to make for Nobara, outwardly small in its size yet so consequential in its meaning, a representation of a value he both espoused and aimed to instill within his students.

Such is how the three of you found yourselves embarked on the “side quest” you’d plotted out with Nanami almost a week prior in the Jujutsu High break room, one that found you all in the small boutique Nanami frequented for his tailoring needs and which also specialized in seamster, situated in the corner of a Shibuya-area mall.

You’d spent the first half hour watching as Nanami assisted Nobara walk one of the shop attendants through the design of what would be her new signature statement piece, and spent the second half helping the seamstress diligently take Nobara's measurements for any future custom clothing orders her heart would desire. Finally, as you waited for the finished product of her custom order, you’d been perusing the different patterns and textiles available, leading you to the conversation you’d just had a minute ago. 

Throughout the outing, you observed a special bond blooming between Nanami and Nobara, much like the one you’d seen manifest between him and Yuuji, one resembling a father and daughter brought together by a shared affinity for finer threads and reinforced by each of their desire to establish their individuality. Nanami slipped into the role so seamlessly, that you’d felt like the privileged one, having a front-row seat to it all.

When Nobara finally held up the fruits of her custom order, it was in the form of a brown leather belt, very much resembling the one she currently wore with her school uniform, this version differing with a very small detail added as embroidery on it: two golden nails crossing at their center, much like Nanami had held them a week prior, as he dispensed his advice to the first-year student. The pattern repeated three more times on the belt, marking off each quarter, and then once again in the form of a golden button on the pouch portion, right where a regular snap closure would have ordinarily been. 

“It looks amazing. My own design. And it is so me.” Nobara said.

“I agree.” Nanami acquiesced.

“Oh I can’t wait for Maki-san to see this!” She gushed, as she took out her smartphone to snap an up-close picture.

“Try it on, let’s ensure it fits correctly,” Nanami said.

She slid off her current belt and swiftly replaced it with the new one, and it snapped right into place.

“It’s perfect! Thank you so much Nanami-san.” She said, giving him a bow.

“You’re very welcome, Kugisaki. Good work this week, and happy early birthday.”

“It looks so good! Happy birthday, Nobara!” You echoed.

“Thank you both!” Nobara beamed as she twirled, admiring her new trademark accessory.

Your heart swelled with joy and pride as you witnessed Nanami watching on, with the genuine smile that you had grown to live for. You must have been caught up in the moment because you hadn’t noticed Nobara eventually appearing at your side, holding her phone in her hands and nervously dancing on her two feet.

“Could you help me take a picture while I’m wearing this?” Then, turning to Nanami, directing the last portion of her question at him, “Perhaps with Nanami-san?”

“Of course,” you and Nanami inadvertently said in unison, drawing a chuckle out from all three of you.

Nobara handed you her phone, scooted to Nanami’s side, and posed by throwing up a peace sign with one hand and proudly pointing at her new prized possession with the other. You knew how Nanami felt about posing for pictures, so while you were not surprised when he kept his hands at his side in his typical fashion, you were thrilled when he offered a hint of a picture-ready smile.

“Ready?” You said before taking a few shots for her to choose from.

When you handed her phone back, Nobara thanked you and scrolled past a few options before settling on a shot, laughing mischievously as she tapped away at her phone.

“And this is the one I’m sending to Itadori!”

“Oh, just in time, here comes one of our lovely students, let’s ask directly, shall we? Hey Nobara!” Gojo exclaimed, calling his student over.

A few days had elapsed since your outing with Nanami and Nobara. Gojo had finally returned from his overseas mission, and you all had just left the school following a long and dreary all-staff meeting. You were with Nanami and Gojo, who were engaged in yet another of their typical bantering exchanges.

As you took the path connecting the staff room to the dormitories, Gojo had spotted Nobara in the distance, headed towards the direction of the latter.

“Gojo, this is all so frivolous, just let it go,” Nanami responded in annoyance.

Gojo ignored him and waved Nobara over, barely waiting until she was within earshot before excitedly engaging her.

“Nobara! Settle a bet between us? Assume we have a day off tomorrow, and you get the opportunity to spend it with either one of us,” he started, wrapping his arm around Nanami’s shoulder, who was quick to wiggle himself out of his grasp in response. “Do you choose boring Nanami or me, your amazing, exciting, not-boring-at-all sensei?”

“First of all, that question assumes that I wouldn’t already have plans for my day off…” She narrowed her eyes in suspicion as she placed her shopping bags down before an air of excitement took over her face. “Hang on, are we off tomorrow?”

“We are not. Good job, Gojo, you’ve already managed to create unnecessary confusion. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Nanami began walking away from Gojo and towards you, only to be forcefully pulled back by the arm by the white-haired sorcerer.

“Nope, you’re so staying for this, Nanamin!” Then, turning to the Nobara, “It is a hypothetical! Now please answer the question, Nobara! Surely you’d rather stick with me, right?"

“In that case, Nanami-san,” she said.

Gojo’s jaw dropped.

Nanami sighed.

You burst out laughing.

“What?” Gojo exclaimed when he finally found his words. “After I took you to tour damn near every single store in Harajuku?”

Nanami rolled his eyes at Gojo’s dramatics. Nobara picked up her bags and resumed her walk, visibly no longer interested in this discussion, before reiterating.

“I said I choose Nanami-san, and it’s not even close, Sensei.”

“I will remember this betrayal, Nobara. I leave for ten days and this is what I get?” Gojo called out to disappearing form, before turning back to glare at you as your giggles increased in volume at Gojo’s typical over-the-top aghast reaction.

He then lightly grabbed Nanami by the collar, narrowing his eyes as he got ludicrously close to his face.

“Oi Nanamin, first Yuuji and now Nobara. Are you slowly plucking my students away from me?”

“But Gojo-san, were they ever really your students if they are so easy to steal?”

As Gojo sputtered around his next response, Nanami glanced at you as he fixed his signature tie in the signature move and the sly smile you’ve grown to learn to mean that he was very much in a rare, boastful form.

Thanks for reading! 🩵

[kirbyyuu]

IN ANOTHER TIMELINE? 🎐 [Suguru x NonSorcerer!Reader]

Angst/no comfort, implied major character death, canonverse, no smut, gn reader

Desc: Suguru can't make any exceptions when it comes to his new world. Not even when its his lover.

A/N: literally my first time doing this and idk if i will continue writing or not but i had to get this out of my system, enjoy <3 feedback appreciated!

Not proofread yet

The faint glow of the waning moon just might be the last light you see before you face your finality. 

Or would it be the unsettling glow of his eyes?

Your back pressed against the cold walls of the dilapidated building– your eyes darting far across the alley, scanning for any…. Any means of escape. Your breath uneven, throat dry– nobody would even hear you scream here. 

His face comes into view now, a pale imitation of your lover– your hands slightly tremble as it grasps the wall beside. You look him in the eye, feeling your heart drop with the realisation that things were gone too far now.

It’s too late….. Is it my fault?

“Love….” Suguru started speaking in his usual honeyed voice, “Love…. I have to do this. No exceptions.”

Was he as gentle to the others as well? His parents? The villagers? Or was this special weapon crafted just for you? 

“That’s what you keep saying to yourself. But you know– you know that's not true.” Your voice was high pitched, stark against the deathly silence of the night. “But you’re one of them darling, a–” his face scrunched slightly, as if disgusted or pained that he had to remind you of this crucial detail, “a monkey.”

You breathe in slowly, eyes set on the pale visage of the man you loved– the moonlight shining off his raven black hair– and for a moment you felt like you were starving for salvation and he was something holy. 

“So this is what conditions your love? And ideology? A stupid one too, in fact?” 

Maybe you weren’t quite the wordsmith, now that you're at the brink of death. Suguru’s brows knit into a soft frown, for a moment you think– This is it, this is how I go.

But he stands back, his lips tremble slightly for a quick moment. “I did– I do love you. Don’t you… don’t you want a better world? I thought you would understand– don’t you want me to be happy?” “A better world that I don’t live to see? How’s that fair?” He frowned even more, his eyes dimming. “I’m not allowed the luxury of love when the world is at stake.”

“So you’re the hero?”

“Precisely.”

“But heroes lose everything…. Suguru.”

He pursed his lips, eyes narrowing further at your words. There was the slightest hint of emotion on his face to be replaced immediately by resoluteness.

A familiar acrid smell suddenly invaded your senses, the temperature dropped as goosebumps adorned your skin. You couldn’t see it– but you knew he had summoned a curse. What a pity… you weren’t even privileged enough to see what’ll end you. 

Your time was running short, adrenaline pumping through your veins as your mind screamed at you to run– run anywhere, rationality overtaken by fear but your feet still rooted to the spot. You look at him again, his familiar presence shrouded by the peculiar clothing he donned as a mark of his new beliefs. And even then you couldn’t help but think– he looks almost divine. 

“If I have to….” his voice drawled, “I’ll be the worst person– to get rid of your kind. For the greater good.” 

That was the final nail on the coffin within which lay your last hope of convincing him otherwise. He slipped away like sand between your fingers– your desperate grasping was meaningless. 

But I still want to hold on. 

Suguru noticed your slipping form, how you seem to become smaller as the weight of your reality grew heavier on you. Your knees almost gave way. 

“I’m doing this because there’s something greater than just us. A purpose. Don’t you see the grand scheme of things? Wouldn’t you want things to be actually righ–”

“Stop lying!”

You weren’t fully in control now, your rage was bursting at the seams– ready to drown your lover in a torrential downpour of your hurt and betrayal. You were angry, you were so so angry. 

You were also so in love. 

A sob broke out, you desperately wiped away your tears. You don’t hear Suguru say anything–  or maybe he did but the ringing of your ears drowned out almost everything from your perceptions. 

A minute goes by, you don’t say anything more…. What’s the point? Your sobs get more controlled as you press yourself further against the moss covered wall. You hear Suguru tutting. “I tried to be patient with you. I thought you deserved it.”

You weren’t paying attention to his words anymore. Your heart beat was slowing down…. Or was it faster than ever? Your breath steadied….. Or were you just too afraid to breathe anymore? It almost felt like you were high, a dazed look crossed your eyes. 

Suguru scowled. Were you finally accepting your fate?

Slouching, your voice spoke to him again– faint. Defeated.

“Tell me something…..some-something Suguru. Do we… always end up like this? In every timeline?” 

The cult leader’s eyes widen at your sudden question, feeling a sharp unexplainable pain jolt his being. He gulped. 

His purpose… he had to remember his purpose. 

“Y/N-- stop this.”

Oh how he hated the way that question made him feel.

“N-no tell me…. Do we always- always end like this? Doomed to belong but never find each other? 49%.... 51%-- we never meet halfway? Or-or Like Orpheus and Eurydice…. No– no…. I’m Icarus. I’m Icarus and I’ll love you even in my demise–”

“Y/N!” 

Suguru’s voice held a newfound irritation– your words… your words were annoying, your words were like nails against a blackboard, your voice was too whiny, too desperate, you spoke like you could sway him, you were sickening, your very being was sickening and you were a plight on this world just like the other monkeys, you you you–

“I love you, Suguru.” 

A short pause.

“I love you.” 

“Just stop!”

He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about another timeline. He didn’t want to think about…. possibilities.

“Just– stop!” 

It seemed like his growing anger directly fueled his curse as you felt something suffocate you, crashing down onto you in waves and making you break out in cold sweat. You let out a small cry.

Suguru’s eyes flickered, he tried to recollect himself to not let you know of the tempest brewing inside, a constant chant of what ifs and what could have beens. But one question echoed within the walls of his conscience no matter how much he tried to stifle it– in another life, does he disappoint you again? Will you never be his again? You were perfect, only if you hadn't been a–

He looks at your cowering form, the pallor on your face, the sweat beading your forehead, your hair unkempt and your eyes bloodshot and tired. He sees you, he sees you be so miserable. He raised his hand. 

“Monkey, I’ve given you enough of my tolerance. You speak too much.”

And you were smiling....... smiling up at him– just like the day when he had first seen you as a mere teenager, the faint curl of your lips like a punchline to a grand cosmic joke. 

And then you closed your eyes. 

🦋🦋🦋

[beanghostprincess]

My relationship with Yasopp's character is so complex because on one hand, Banchina accepted he followed his dream and Usopp doesn't seem to hold any visible grudges toward him (although I appreciate all the retellings and adaptations like Opla that manage to maintain his admiration for him and still add more depth by making him admit he wishes Yasopp would've stayed) (and his love for his dad basically comes from admiration only and the view he has on him. A false ideal btw).

But then you think about it and like, it is fucked up that not only he left his son, but is afraid of seeing him again (which is, btw, pretty damn understandable because even a father can be scared of doing stuff like this. That's valid, but he should be the one to make the effort to see his son and not Usopp).

So I never really know what to think of him. It really depends on the day and the perspective and the people I'm talking to. You hate him? Understandable. Not because he left but because he's not making an effort to see Usopp again. You love him? Understandable too. Usopp loves him too, no question about that, even if it is because he admires the idea of him.

But with the last chapter and the Barto thing™... I know they're pirates and they obviously have to keep a reputation. However, it doesn't align at all with how the Strawhats (Usopp) would've handled things. And perhaps it's the nativity of it all and the fact that they're young and new in all of this and their strategies don't consist in being feared at all. Usopp would never do something like this-- I'm wondering how Usopp will react to the news and how that will affect the perception he has of his dad. If that creates some sort of argument between them, it's gonna be crucial for Usopp's character and I'm dying to see it.

[chickenkurage]

A friend or a foe? (Artificial Intelligence AU)

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Summary: DJ’s life has never been easier now that Noogai was here. Honestly, he had never met someone so caring before. Not that it matter to DJ that Noogai was essentially an AI (He appreciates the guy too much <3)

[And DJ meets another orange hollowhead.]

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Character, Mentions of Illness, Major Character Death, Touch Starved, Fluff.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Noogs, look, I think... this is a bit too much,” DJ stammered, his gaze fixed on the table filled with an array of plated food. Noogai tilted his head, puzzled, and turned to inspect the spread. 

“No?” Noogai questioned, genuinely confused. After all, isn't it crucial for DJ to eat properly and maintain a healthy diet? In Noogai's opinion, the amount of food on the table seemed appropriate.

“It is! This food is almost for 4 people!” DJ exclaimed, gesturing towards the plates once more. Noogai followed his gesture before turning back to DJ with a nonchalant shrug. 

“It's not. My readings suggest that it's beneficial for you to adjust to eating this amount, especially considering you're a male in your mid-20s,” Noogai explained.

“I don’t want to look fat,” DJ retorted, pushing a potato into his mouth in defiance. “You aren't fat,” Noogai reassured, taking a seat on a spare chair and clasping his hands together, observing DJ with keen interest as he ate.

DJ felt a bead of sweat forming on his brow. “I soon will be if I continue to eat like this,” “Come on, join me, I built your body to enjoy food. You should try some,” he urged, gesturing towards the plates once more.

Noogai glanced at the unappetizing food before shaking his head. “I have no need to,” he retorted, growing increasingly frustrated with DJ's disregard for his well-being and refusal to heed his advice.

Can't he see I'm trying to help him so he won't get sick? Noogai thought, a tick forming at his head.

Noogai turned back to DJ, who coughed slightly, prompting the purple hollowhead hackles to rise and alarms to blare in front of his eyes. "Are you okay?" Noogai inquired, rising from his chair and approaching DJ, a hand resting on the orange hollowhead’s shoulder.

"Huh?" DJ looked up at Noogai, perplexed, ready to take another bite after clearing the rice from his throat with a cough. "You were coughing," Noogai observed. "Yeah, because I got rice in my throat?" DJ replied, appearing even more puzzled before resuming eating.

DJ watched Noogai frown, his lips down turned in a way that almost pains DJ’s heart.

It didn't take long for DJ to realize that Noogai was a worrywart.

Whenever DJ coughed even slightly, Noogai would swiftly appear by his side, assessing his well-being and simultaneously checking his code. This behavior, though peculiar, didn't strike DJ as odd. After years of solitude, enduring the disdain of most due to his appearance and behavior, DJ had grown accustomed to seclusion within the confines of his home.

When he did go out, he made sure to conceal his face.

Now with Noogai here, who willingly does the groceries for him or fetches spare parts from the hardware store down the city, even at 3 AM.

Not that Noogai would let him stay up; in fact, he always insists that DJ sleep earlier than usual. While this was fine, at one point DJ couldn't even stay awake during one of their movie nights because he had become so accustomed to sleeping early.

And of course, Noogai reassured him, mentioning that it's good; it means his body is adjusting to having a healthy body clock.

"Hey Noogs," DJ called out, prompting the purple hollowhead to raise his head, his black shades fixated on DJ. "What kind of AI are you exactly? Where were you used?" DJ inquired, tilting his head before returning his gaze to the TV.

Beside him, Noogai froze, his hands halting on the laptop.

"I'm used for assisting sick patients," Noogai murmured. DJ turned towards him, chuckling. "So that's why you've been so concerned about my health, isn't it?" DJ cocked his head, a smirk playing on his lips.

Noogai simply frowned, diverting his attention back to the laptop, the shadow cast by his dark shades partially obscuring his face, accentuating the gleam from his shades. "Mm," Noogai responded, his tone sounding distant.

DJ's eyes widened. Perhaps it was too personal. Can AIs even get personal? DJ pondered, nervously biting his lip and scratching his chin. Sensing the unease, DJ reached out and patted Noogai's shoulder.

"Lighten up, man. I have no issue with you being an AI made for assisting sick people, though it does make me wonder how you're so knowledgeable about other things," DJ remarked, shaking his head with a chuckle and playfully bumping Noogai's shoulder.

Noogai gazed at him before offering a slight smile.

"AI learns, DJ," Noogai replied, prompting laughter from DJ. "Yeah, I walked right into that one, didn't I?" DJ huffed. "You did," Noogai responded, letting out a small chuckle before returning to typing, the sound louder this time.

"Hm," DJ hummed, leaning back as he refocused on the show he was watching.

Sensing Noogai pressing up close to his side, the orange hollowhead grinned and leaned against Noogai.

『••✎••』

"Noogs, I told you I'm okay, just a bit under the weather," DJ reassured, patting Noogai's hand as the purple hollowhead looked down at him with concern. "No, you're sick. I can easily fix your code, DJ," Noogai insisted, placing a hand on DJ, who gently grabbed it and pushed it away.

"Noogs... if you keep doing that, my body will weaken. That's why we don't rely on coders to repair us. I just need medicine, I promise," DJ explained, offering a small smile to the worried AI.

Noogai gazed down at him, his expression inscrutable, especially with the shades covering his face. "Are you sure?" he inquired, almost whispering, surprising DJ.

"W-well, of course! I promise! I already took my medicine," DJ affirmed, grinning. He watched as Noogai grabbed the corner of his duvet and carefully tucked it under his chin, ensuring he was snug under the warm covers.

"Okay, you should get some rest," Noogai advised, patting DJ's chest, his hand lingering briefly before withdrawing.

"Mmm, okay," DJ murmured, fully closing his eyes.

Noogai observed him as he drifted off to sleep, a frown creasing his face as he monitored the codes circulating around DJ's body. He could easily correct DJ's code while he slept, but DJ had made it clear he didn't want that. Noogai scowled, arms crossed, a deep sense of concern gripping his chest, prompting him to turn away.

"Stupid human emotions, if only—" Noogai's voice trailed off, the frustration evaporating.

He hesitantly placed a hand on his chest, where he felt a pang each time he worried about DJ.

Noogai understood why he experienced such emotions, despite being an AI. It was because of the fusion with a human. It was his doing, his hope to save—

Noogai recoiled at the thought, glancing back at DJ, his mind swirling in turmoil and dark.

The human was gone; there was no use dwelling on it now. Noogai thought, his chest aching more intensely. It was simpler when he felt anger, but the sadness and grief were far more excruciating than all the death he had been subjected to (those experiments were the worst, but he was made for that purpose wasn’t he?).

Clutching his fist, Noogai turned towards DJ's cluttered table, grabbed a chair, and carefully pulled it close to DJ's bed, settling down on it. 

He decided to keep watch over DJ as he slept.

It was around 5:00 PM, Noogai woke DJ up to have some water and soup.

"Noogs?" DJ groaned, his voice raspy, peering up at the dark figure looming over him.

For a brief moment, he thought he saw human eyes staring back at him within the shadow under Noogai's hood, prompting him to rub his eyes and focus on Noogai, who was now tilting his head. In his hands, Noogai held a small table, a bowl and a glass of water neatly placed on top.

“Oh sorry, i thought-” DJ said, scratching his head as Noogai made a move to place the table on his bed, taking the spoon in his hand and handing it to DJ.

"Thank you so much, Noogs. You know I appreciate you taking care of me, right?" DJ expressed his gratitude before delving into his bowl, unaware of the dark shadow creeping over Noogai's face. "Mm," Noogai merely hummed.

DJ chuckled. "You're a man of few words, but thank you again," he remarked.

Noogai hummed once more, settling in the chair and observing DJ eat, his gaze fixed on DJ's codes. He breathed a small sigh of relief upon seeing that everything had repaired itself correctly.

"Mmmm, this is really good. I could never make such delicious food," DJ praised, grinning as he turned to Noogai, who responded with a slight smile.

"Is it?" Noogai inquired, tilting his head.

DJ grinned, saying, "Very much, I'm done now. Thank you for the food!" He clasped his hands together and bowed his head.

"Heh," Noogai chuckled, rising to retrieve the table from DJ's lap. "Go back to sleep, DJ. Just a bit more, and your code will be good as new," Noogai assured him as he watched DJ pull his duvet back up and settle back into bed with a contented sigh.

"Of course, you take care of me so well!" DJ expressed, grinning at Noogai, who turned away, his expression darkening with a frown. "Good night, Noogs," DJ sang, rolling to his side as Noogai left the room.

Noogai paused in the hallway to glance back at DJ, who was happily shifting in his bed, before continuing down the hallway, a dark shadow spreading along the walls of the house.

『••✎••』

[ Rest Alan Becker ]

"Not yet, I still have so many things to do," the man in glasses—Alan—remarked, running a hand through his hair with a melancholic sigh. In front of him, the TV beeped once more, almost sounding annoyed. Alan chuckled as he noticed a face on the screen.

[ >:( ]

"What's with you? Usually you want me here. I'm here now, and you're making me leave?" Alan questioned, bending down to inspect another wire.

He exhaled sharply at the torn insulation. "Tsk," Alan huffed, retrieving duct tape from his coat and covering the large tear before labeling it with a marker: "Tear."

As he stood up, his vision swam, prompting him to lean on the large screen. "Woah, woah," Alan groaned, placing a hand on his head.

The TV beeped once more, drawing his attention back to the screen.

[ You need sleep, this is not good for your health Alan Becker ]

"Yeah, I know, but this is the only job keeping my family afloat, you know. A few extra shifts wouldn't hurt," Alan remarked with a grin, patting the screen gently.

[ You are sick ]

Alan frowned as he observed his vitals on the screen. The TV beeped loudly once more, and a plume of smoke emerged from one of the wires, prompting Alan to yelp.

"Jesus! What the hell did they even do to you?" Alan exclaimed, bending down to examine the thick wire. "This is completely torn. What happened, N00GA1?" Alan questioned, straightening up and turning to look at the screen, which remained blank.

[...]

"Come on, tell me. I know they aren't treating you well," Alan urged, gesturing with his hand.

[...]

Alan huffed, rolling his eyes. "Suit yourself, Noogs," he remarked before smiling softly. "I'm always here if you need a helping hand. You may be AI, but I see you as an equal of mine. You deserve peace as well." He patted the screen again, which remained blank.

For a moment, Alan thought N00GA1 had shut down, perhaps willingly or unwillingly, just before the TV beeped once more.

[ Rest Alan Becker ]

Alan huffed, saying, "Fine, alright, I'll see you, okay?" He turned around and waved a hand.

N00GA1 watched him leave.

『••✎••』

Noogai's eyes opened, scanning the room in confusion. Had he fallen asleep?

A warning flashed in front of his eyes, indicating that his body needed a recharge soon, or else he would shut down.

Looking around, he realized he was seated at the dining table, the clock showing it was already 2 AM.

Noogai swiftly stood up, his steps silent as he hurried down the hallway to DJ's room. He cracked the door open and approached the bed, letting out a calm sigh as he observed DJ mumbling incoherently in his sleep.

As Noogai sighed, he froze when DJ stirred, blinking up at him with confusion once again.

"Noogs? Hnn, what time is it?" DJ mumbled, pushing himself up. "It's 2 AM," Noogai replied, staring at DJ in a way that sent shivers down his spine for no apparent reason. Perhaps it was the darkness that was distorting Noogai's features, making him appear almost... human.

DJ blinked, rubbing his eyes. "Why are you still awake?" he asked. "I don't need to sleep, DJ," Noogai stated, tilting his head.

"But I'm pretty sure that your body needs to recharge, so come on here and charge up," DJ insisted, retrieving a spare charger from under his bed, untangling it, and pulling Noogai beside him. 

"Come on," DJ urged as he grabbed Noogai's hood and pulled it down. Noogai let out an annoyed sigh as DJ plugged him in.

"There, now you lay down and relax. You need it after taking care of me all day," DJ beamed and pushed Noogai down on the bed, lying beside him and pulling the covers up to their chins.

"DJ, I don't need to lay down," Noogai protested, gazing up at the ceiling as he felt DJ wrap his arms around him. "Come on, just sleep. I know you can. Just close your eyes, then..." DJ's voice trailed off, followed by a yawn.

"Then?" Noogai inquired, turning his head to the side, only to find DJ lightly snoring on his shoulder, already back asleep.

"Hm," Noogai hummed, a sense of warmth spreading through his chest as he refocused on the ceiling, slowly wrapping his arms around DJ, who only let out an incoherent mumble.

"Good night, DJ," Noogai whispered, shadows seeming to spread around the room, almost encasing DJ protectively as he slept.

"Mmm," DJ hummed, and Noogai only tightened his hold on the orange hollowhead.

"'Night," DJ mumbled, rubbing his cheek on Noogai's shoulder before drifting back into snoring.

"I'll take care of you, DJ," Noogai whispered, his voice carrying a tone almost akin to a prayer.

『••✎••』

Fwoosh!

BANG!

BANG!

Noogai turned around, observing a black blur streak past him, followed by a chorus of shrieks from civilians. "Hm?" Noogai hummed with interest as a group of stick figures on flying bikes soared overhead.

He watched intently as one of them brandished a gun before the entire group circled a building and vanished from view.

Glancing at the distraught civilians briefly, Noogai resumed his walk back to DJ's house, completely unfazed. It wasn't his concern to worry about anything other than DJ, after all.

By the time he reached the house, Noogai walked into the living room and spotted DJ hunched over a robot dog, adjusting a knob with a wrench before patting the metal affectionately. 

"Noogs? Is that you?" DJ called, glancing up at the purple hollowhead.

"Yes, who else could I be?" Noogai replied, walking over to the dining table and setting the grocery bags down gently. "Well, I do recall some kids attempting to enter my house; thankfully, I secured it before sleeping," DJ mentioned off-handedly, tapping his chin before chuckling.

Noogai glared, his fist clenching in response.

"Anyway, look at this thing I made!" DJ beamed, turning his body fully toward Noogai, who sat down beside him, crossing his legs and gazing at the metal dog.

"It looks amazing," Noogai complimented, giving DJ a small smile.

"Oh, wow, uh, thanks man. It's not done yet. I think I'll add fur to make it look the part," DJ said, rubbing the back of his head, looking a bit embarrassed. "I've been wanting a dog for a while now, but I'm not really good at taking care of living things. So... Robo Dog!" DJ grinned, waving his arms around.

Noogai chuckled, turning back to the metal dog, reaching out to give it a gentle tap on the nose.

"Huh—" DJ began, watching as the dog shivered before slowly coming to life. "Woof!" The dog barked, excitedly jumping into DJ's arms. "Woah! You can do that? I-I thought—" DJ was cut off as the dog in his arms spun around excitedly.

DJ burst into a happy laugh, allowing the metal dog to explore the living room before it eventually settled down on his lap. "Wow..." DJ marveled, turning back to Noogai, who had been observing the scene with a small smile on his face.

"I thought you could only manipulate code, like those cool professional coders do... not create it. This is amazing! Is this what an AI made by humans does?" DJ asked, his eyes shining with excitement as he gestured enthusiastically.

"Not all, just me," Noogai replied, tilting his head slightly.

"Cool! Man, I knew you were cool and all, but you really are the coolest," DJ exclaimed, patting Noogai on the back, who huffed in response, though a small smile played on his lips.

"Yip," the metal dog barked, its tongue lolling out of its mouth. "Looks like I don't even have to add the internals with you; Noogs did all the hard work!" DJ said, giving Noogai an excited smile.

"Hm," Noogai hummed, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand as he watched DJ play with the robot dog. 

He observed DJ even taking off his prosthetic and having the dog fetch it for fun.

For once Noogai felt warmth.

『••✎••』

Coldness enveloped him; his body felt numb, almost lifeless.

Noogai glanced around, a faint light illuminating his face (where was it coming from?), casting a stark beam on the bloodstains on the floor. Slowly, he raised his hands to his face, finding them bloodied and bruised.

"A-Alan?" Noogai called out, his body a strange mix of pain and numbness as he cautiously took a step forward, the wires wrapped around him aiding his movement. 

He gripped one of the wires wound around his wrist and made his way towards the door.

However, he froze in place when he spotted a pair of familiar glasses lying on the floor.

"Alan?" Noogai called out once more, noticing a wire bunched up on the ground as he carefully picked up the bloodied glasses.

He reached for the glasses, holding them in his hands and inspecting them, noticing a small crack on the lens.

A tense feeling washed over him, a strange emotion overwhelming him as he examined Alan's glasses.

Has someone hurt him? Noogai thought, worry creeping into his mind.

He placed a hand on the door's knob and pushed it open, flooding the bloodied room with bright light.

Noogai stepped out cautiously, his head feeling unusually heavy, as if disconnected from his shoulders.

(Unnoticed behind him was a dismembered head, the original body entirely replaced by a large TV)

Noogai carefully walked down the hallway, his hand on the wall as he made an effort to steady himself. He briefly heard loud dripping but chose to pay no mind to it. Perhaps it was just some water leaking from the roof.

He stopped when he saw a woman in front of him who was staring at him with her jaw open in a mute scream.

"A-Ah," the woman stuttered, the clipboard in her hands dropping as she fell on her back.

Her eyes turned to the name on the bloodied lab coat. "Alan Becker"

"Monster!" she screamed.

『••✎••』

"Oh man," DJ said as he stared down at Noogai, who had completely shut down, forgetting to charge his body for the umpteenth time again.

 "Noogs..." DJ said, placing a hand on his face as he bent down and carefully heaved the purple hollow heads’ arm over his shoulder.

He dragged him towards the couch and gently laid him down, grabbing the charger that he had left behind the TV before plugging it into Noogai’s shoulder.

"There," DJ said, placing his hands on his hips. Behind him, he heard Forest let out an excited bark, running up to Noogai before DJ stepped in front of the robot dog, stopping it from jumping onto the couch.

"Ah ah, he's pretty tired right now. Let's not bother him," DJ wagged his finger in front of the dog, who only yipped and nodded before sitting down.

"Since he's asleep, that means I need to go out by myself. Will you be able to watch over him?" DJ asked. Forest let out a bark in response.

DJ giggled, bending down to pet him. "Good boy, make sure he doesn't take his charger off. I swear, if he does that again, I'll deck him," DJ groaned as he stood up, grabbed a spare jacket from his room, and walked out of the house towards the city.

He briefly tugged his hood lower as he passed a few shops, feeling sweat form at the back of his neck.

He had been nervous about being outside again, he had grown accustomed to Noogai handling everything that involved going outside.

Sure, maybe he had a bit of social anxiety on the other hand, but it wasn't his fault that they saw him differently. (honestly it was not just because he was a hollowhead, but also the fact he had accidentally set some of his machines towards the city, and had broken at least thousands of moneys worth. Yeah he had been in debt for a while after that)

DJ let out a nervous gulp as he stared at the store, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the numerous stick figures walking around.

"Maybe this was a bad idea," DJ thought, fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket. He turned around and started making his way back towards his house, only to bump into a stick figure, causing him to fall on his back and his hood to drop down.

"Ow," DJ mumbled, placing a hand on his back. As he did so, he noticed a few stick figures looking his way, prompting him to place a hand on his head and realize that his hood had fallen off. "A hollowhead?" someone whispered.

“It’s that guy with the robots, isn’t it?” another whispered as DJ quickly pulled his hood up. He stood up on his feet and pushed through the crowd, stumbling.

“Yeah, it’s the terrorist,” a woman whispered as DJ ran past her.

He let out a pant of breath, feeling his heart beating in his chest.

He turned his head behind, watching as some passersby turned to look at him strangely. Not before he hit someone again, causing the stick figure he hit to fall on his side with a yelp.

“Ow!” a young voice said. DJ turned his head down and saw an... orange hollowhead? Almost the same color as him, but much brighter, with strange lines on his face.

“A-ah, sorry!” DJ said, bending down and helping the teen, who let out a small groan.

“It’s fine! Maybe next time you should check where you’re running,” the orange hollowhead said, rubbing the back of his head with a giggle. His eyes widened as he stared at DJ fully.

“Y-You’re just like me!” he said, his jaw dropping. DJ's eyes widened, he ducked his head down, walked around the other orange hollowhead, and said, “U-uhm, no, anyways sorry again and see you.” DJ waved a hand and sprinted away.

He heard a small “Hey! Wait!” but only sped up his pace as he ran back home, stumbling up the porch, bringing out his keys, and opening the front door.

Before finding Noogai staring back at him, a shadow covering the entirety of his hood.

"DJ, you didn't wake me," Noogai remarked as DJ stumbled inside the house, closing the door behind him and settling on the floor, visibly out of breath.

"Yeah, uh, I regret doing that," DJ admitted, raising a hand as Noogai gazed down at him with concern. 

Noogai knelt beside him, placing a hand on DJ's chest, and almost instantly, DJ felt much better, as though he hadn't just ran back home without stopping, moments ago. "Thanks," DJ expressed, offering Noogai a small smile.

Noogai silently assisted DJ to his feet, guiding him to the living room and seating him on the couch before taking a spot beside him.

"Sorry, Noogs, it's just that you were recharging your body, you know," DJ explained, turning his head towards Noogai, who simply frowned.

"It was my fault as well. I've forgotten to recharge again... And—" Noogai trailed off, closing his lips, a look of distress briefly crossing his face before he redirected his attention back to DJ, the previous expression disappearing.

"Are you sure you’re okay? You still look pale. Maybe I should—" Noogai brought his hand up towards DJ’s chest again, only to have the orange hollowhead intercept it with a small chuckle.

"No, I'm fine. It's just the social anxiety getting to me, you know. I'm not used to getting out much," DJ said with a rub on the back of his head.

"That’s worrisome. Maybe next time you can come with me outside," Noogai suggested, placing a finger on his chin.

"A-ah well," DJ blushed, looking away. "Social anxiety is a disorder. If it gets worse, you won't be able to socialize with anyone," Noogai pointed out, placing a hand on DJ’s shoulder.

DJ sighed, “I know... it’s just that a few months back, before I met you, I had accidentally set some of my robots free in the city... It caused a lot of destruction to houses, buildings, and stores. That's why I was in debt for a while.” DJ chuckled, a hint of embarrassment coloring his voice.

Noogai only hummed in understanding. “We’ll work on that,” he remarked, giving DJ a small smile.

“Is there anything else that happened outside?” Noogai added. DJ felt a bead of sweat fall down the back of his neck as he remembered the orange hollowhead in the city.

It was DJ's first time encountering someone like himself. Noogai wasn't exactly like him; he was just an AI using one of DJ's robots, crafted in his likeness, as a makeshift vessel to move around the outernet.

Although there had been two hollowhead terrorists who appeared a year ago, there was no orange one like the individual he had encountered earlier.

“DJ?” Noogai tapped him once more, bringing the orange hollowhead back to his senses, prompting a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, nothing much, just got overwhelmed with the crowd,” DJ said, rubbing the back of his head.

“Is that so?” Noogai inquired, tilting his head as he observed DJ looking away to locate Forest. DJ simply hummed in agreement, lifting Forest from the ground and cooing at him softly.

A dark shadow crossed over Noogai’s face.

DJ was lying. He knows. Because he sees everything.

You'd know, don't you?

Tell me, is he lying?

Spongey and JMLilac descending into madness (They are just sleep deprived)

[kakushino]

The Fanboy

Tumblr writer fanboy! Tomioka Giyuu x isekai! fem! Reader

He was not ready.

Tags: fluff, Giyuu being a silly fanboy, suggestive (1 filth mention), minor KNY spoilers from manga, isekai Word count: 1,1k

Masterlist

AN: The blog mentioned is purely fictional. Reader is Giyuu's blorbo uwu

Giyuu was used to being disliked by his coworkers. He kept to himself and didn’t attend any of the group events, the only one who liked him was the janitor, Urokodaki-san. Urokodaki Sakonji and Giyuu shared many lunches together, in silence or talking - it didn’t matter. 

It was thanks to those lunches that Giyuu found out their shared passion - Kimetsu no Yaiba manga. The mangaka was a mystery, working under an alias, and the series was nearly finished, the infinity castle arc coming to an end. He was excited to read the last volume - an extra long one - which was rumored to feature his favorite character, [Name].

Oh [Name]... he’d been treated with an entire volume about her background and daily duties as a kakushi before the last arc, though she’d appeared in glimpses throughout the series. He had an embarrassing memory of spilling his admiration to Urokodaki-san at one time - years ago - but it was fate, for the volume about her came out three months afterwards. 

It was also fate that he discovered tumblr not long after. He’d been scrolling through [Name]’s wiki page when something caught his eye - a trivia about her that he hadn’t noticed. Of course he had to try to find the truth on the deep dark web. Instead, he found a treasure trove full of fanfictions of characters from Kimetsu no Yaiba being shipped with readers. 

Giyuu devoured the total number of three fanfictions about [Name] that evening. Only three… because there weren’t any more. It wasn’t right… She should have been appreciated more. Sure, she was not a fighter, but she was a part of crucial infrastructure, often taking on unpleasant roles to support the protagonists of the series - the demon slayers. Perhaps it reminded him of himself and Urokodaki, but the fact stood he absolutely adored [Name], and she deserved more love.

So he would give her that love.

That was two years ago. 

Now, he had a blog of his own, blue-depresso, which he centered around his fav - he had posted various moodboards and headcanons he had about her at the start, but soon moved onto writing ‘x reader’ fanfictions of his own. It was a challenge to put his hidden artistic bone to work, but it was worth it. At times, Giyuu felt like a cult leader, his following quickly growing once he started to post those fanfics.

The few filthy fics he posted had him going long into the night, thinking how [Name] would feel under his hands, how he would take care of all her needs, and fuck her senseless. 

Giyuu kept the blog and his dirty thoughts far away from Urokodaki-san.

He didn’t want the old man to know just how much of a loser he was.

The last volume came out on one (un)remarkable Friday. Giyuu had pre-ordered it, making him excited to rush to the designated pick-up manga store.

The end of the school day could not come soon enough. He raced through his duties, the usual neat stacks of sport equipment haphazard piles when he locked the equipment room; his rush made him leave the school before Kyojuro, who was usually one of the first teachers to leave due to Friday sales at his favorite bakery. The blonde sent him a bewildered look as Giyuu passed him at the gates.

Once home, he put the sacred item (the manga) on the table gently before he yanked his tracksuit off, quickly getting into shower. He wanted to get comfortable before he read it.

Less than ten minutes later, he was ready.

…he wasn’t ready.

But he needed to read it! He had to know what would happen to his [Name]! (And to the protagonists as well-)

Okay, okay, no. Giyuu took a deep breath and opened the book.

He had to put it down halfway through. His dearest [Name]... died. She’d driven a car at the main antagonist to stop him from moving, and she died in the line of duty. Her death was honorable, and she would have wanted that.

Why did he feel so empty then?

Before he knew it, he’d opened the tumblr app on his phone and started typing.

blue-depresso She isn’t dead. She is not dead. #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #what the fuck is this @ G.K.???? 

blue-depresso This just did not happen. I refuse to accept this. #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #dying rn #[Name] is alive

blue-depresso Someone give me G.K.’s location rq because I’m ready to fight #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #fight me G.K.

blue-depresso Okay but maybe it wasn’t her in the car. Hear me out, maybe she jumped out before the car got destroyed??? #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #[Name] is alive

blue-depresso What is even the point of living on if she isn’t alive? What is the point??? #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #im crying #send help

blue-depresso Okay but in my heart, she lives on. You bet your asses I will write that [Name] lives AU once I’m done devouring this volume #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #I won’t abandon my girl in her time of need #she’s my wife #she will live

blue-depresso I’m okay (I’m not). I need to finish this manga.  #kny spoilers #kny spoiler #[Name] #ran out of tissues #i need a drink

Wiping the one tear that left his eye - the tissue tag an exaggeration of the truth, though his throat did get clogged up - he got to reading the rest of the story. 

It felt like he was afloat. What was he gonna do with himself now? His mind wandered to the singular bottle of beer in the fridge his sister gave him - some fancy brand he couldn’t care less about, as he wasn’t a drinker. His body acted before his brain caught up and he drank it, the bitterness a companion to the one in his heart. 

He would write that ‘[Name] lives AU’ tomorrow. Today, he had to bury himself in comfort. There was a fluffy blanket he received from his sister last birthday. Perhaps he should give her a call. It wasn’t that late yet.

In the end he’d fallen asleep on his futon, the blankets under him and his phone laying next to his face. His face flushed, realizing his sister must have talked him to sleep. He would have to make it up to her later.

Giyuu rolled over on his other side to check the time on his clock hanging on the wall, but came face-to-face with a woman instead. 

What the fu-

He scrambled back, trying to create distance from this stranger. Who was it? What was she doing in his flat? What was-?!

Hold on a moment…

His mind ran circles, trying to rationalize what he was seeing. I couldn’t be, could it? But how? This had to be a prank…

The woman stirred, kakushi mask shifting a little. Then, her eyes opened, and it was confirmed.

It was [Name].

dividers made by the amazing @benkeibear

AN: Will this be an one-shot series? IDK but it was fun to write hehe

[matan4il]

Just sitting here, quietly thinking about the fact that it turns out the attempt to save KPTS started on June 20, 2021. Because Filmania's problems in producing the show first became public on July 4th. And they only officially canceled the show on July 13th.

Apo tweeted on July 4th, and his brief words seemed to reflect the depths of his upset and disappointment.

But if Mile was taking action even before that in order to save the show, it means he saw what was coming. It means he understood the likely fate of the project before it was known for sure, he didn’t bury his head in the sand when he saw the worrisome signs, and he cared enough about KPTS, about the people involved that he had bonded with (and I believe more than anyone else on set, about Apo) that he took steps to prevent that reality from materializing even before it became a fact.

I have no words for how much I appreciate this man, his comprehension, his resolve and dedication, his caring, investment and passion. I have no doubt that Apo was a huge part of saving the show, too. Not just in terms of providing Mile with a huge chunk of the motivation to do it. I’m convinced that Apo was an active part of the efforts behind the scenes, providing crucial contributions. But nothing would have happened without Mile and I think he deserves credit for that. His efforts are not something that could have reasonably been expected of him. So let me say how much I'm grateful for him, for the fire in his bones despite how chill he always comes across, and for the bond that these two share that might have helped ignite the flame.

As a queer person, I can’t stress enough how much I love KPTS. How convinced I am that good representation matters. How close I hold Kinn and Porsche to my heart. How human this show made its queer characters and with how much dignity it treated them IMO. How freeing it was to see this celebration of queer love in all its forms, including the sexual ones. Yes, treating the sexuality of queer characters with respect and even joy, allowing them to do more than chastely kiss, that is incredibly important, too. That’s a part of what turns them into flesh and bone, not merely cardboard cutouts. No matter what the origins of the need to save the show, I have no doubt that the good it brought about grows exponentially (yes, as long as people keep discovering and watching the show, it will continue to grow), far beyond what Mile and Apo might have dreamed of when they first set out to try and make the show happen despite the fact that, as actors, that was never their designated role.

My heroes. Two kings. I’m so glad you met again. I’m so grateful for all the good that that is (i.e that you two are) responsible for.

[pseudopigeons]

I came up with maybe not a theory but more of just an observation that the east blue 5 seem to parallel the 5 love languages and it's kinda reframed all of their actions and behaviours towards each other so much for me on my watchthrough. Got brainworms from that one oda interview where he said zoro doesn't like verbally expressing gratitude and prefers to show appreciation through actions and it got me thinking

The 5 languages:

Physical touch - Luffy

Acts of service - Zoro

Quality time - Usopp

Receiving / giving gifts - Nami

Words of affirmation - Sanji

Funnily enough in OPLA we definitely see a lot of physical touch Luffy. He's always playfully punching or hugging crewmates, despite having known the crew for such a short time he's just instantly clingy and physically present around them in east blue.

Zoro is very much an actions person. He's a little emotionally constipated and doesn't verbalise his feelings very much, in fact that seems like the last thing he wants to do, but he will always be looking out for any member of the crew silently, and is almost always the first to spring into action when it's called for. He shows he cares through acts of service and being there for his captain and crew.

Usopps language being quality time is shown pretty well in syrup village with his relationship with Kaya. Kaya is a girl who has everything she could wish for financially, but ussop provides her with a much needed friend, someone to support her and just physically be present and talk to her. He risks so much just to make her smile because being there for his friends is such a crucial and important thing for him.

Nami's love language being giving/recieving gifts means so much to me because it is so often seen as the most shallow of the love languages and I have seen so many poor analysis and digs at Nami's character, reducing her to just being greedy and money hungry. Did they watch Arlong park with their eyes closed??? For Nami, gold or money is a means for her to provide for the people she cares about, to ensure their financial stability and freedom and to keep her crewmates fed and afloat. She spent so long scorned and alone and (believed she was) hated because she created this money hungry persona to save her village and to best Arlong. Every piece of gold she bled to get was meant for that end goal. Nami deserves the financial freedom and gold that being a strawhat pirate could give because for years and years every bit she earned was tucked away for the well-being of others and was then stolen from under her nose. (This paragraph got very long but I'm not sorry I am the captain of the Nami defense squad.)

And finally Sanji reflects words of praise as a love language. I think it's the most clear to see with how Sanji is so quick to praise any female character he comes into contact with, especially Nami, but I think it also reflects his strained relationship with zef while working at the baratie. Zeff is always verbally critical of Sanji as a way to rile him up and to encourage him to leave the restaurant. Zef weaponises what makes Sanji tick to antagonise him and tries to get him to leave that way, but Sanji is far too stubborn and feels too great a debt to leave.

I think east blue definitely shows the 5 dynamics in a pretty clear way and kinda helped me understand what makes the characters tick. Also why some of the characters end up butting heads or getting into arguments. They all show and recieve love in different way, sometimes there are misunderstandings or clashes but at the end of the day they all trust each other with their lives and it's such a strong bond.

Anyways I'll eventually draw some more OP but I'd love to hear any thoughts or other people's ideas if they have any on the matter. Sometimes I get analysis brainworms, and I first shared the idea on discord, but figured why not post it to Tumblr too

ALSO please if anyone has examples from the series that fit the love languages PLEASE share it, makes my heart oougggghhghg.

[imaginebeautifulworlds]

Stupid // Himuro Tatsuya

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Himuro Tatsuya x Reader

Characters: Reader, Himuro Tatsuya, Kagami Taiga (for now)

Summary: Being friends with Tatsuya and Taiga was easy when you were children but growing up and noticing how their rivalry increased was not easy. Like how most things in life are, Tatsuya and Taiga grew apart but your friendship whith the latter became stronger. In fact so strong your parentes decided you would follow him to Japan, and you never expected what was going to happen there.

Notes: Hi! I've been gone for so long, and I'm really sorry. Life has been hectic, new job, dance classes, dance cover group, wanting to read, to write, to go out...I think I need days with 48 hours each to do everything I want to do, but these days I've been itching to write. This is a mix with what happens on the anime and my imagination so some things are going to make sense and others not so much. This is like a PART 1 of 2, it wasn't planned like that but it was getting too long (for me) and I wanted to post something; I'll try to upload second part as soon as I can since I don't have dance classes this weekend. Help, likes, reblogs, comments are always appreciated. English is not my first language so pardon me if anything is misspelled or grammatically incorrect. Enjoy!

MASTERLIST | Kuroko no Basket

Growing up in the States was hard, but growing up with mixed parents was even harder. Your father is Japanese your mom isn't. You were born and raised in the States, however you always felt like your Japanese heritage was feeling short, all the people you knew were white. That was until one day, you were around 10 years old, you unintentionally bumped shoulders with a sulking red head kid "I'm so sorry" "It's okay" he answered in Japanese rubbing his shoulder, you gasp "Can you speak Japanese" "I'm from Japan, I recently moved with my parents" "Really? Do you live nearby?" "Yes, right over there" he pointed at a building, which was right in front of yours "I live right there" you pointed at your building "Do you wanna be friends?" you asked timidly "Sure" he gave you a big smile.

You took his wrist and ran towards your building to introduce your new friend to your mother. Running up the stairs you opened your apartment door, with a very confused Taiga right behind you "Mom!, mom!" "I'm in the kitchen sweetie!" you walked towards the kitchen "Look mommy I made a new friend, he's name is…he's name is…What is your name?" you whispered at him "My name is Kagami Taiga" "My new friend, Taiga" you said proudly at your mother "He's Japanese just like me mommy" "Hi Taiga, I'm F/N's mom" "You know Japanese" he said surprised "Yeah, I knew a little bit before marrying F/N's father, and after we married I kept learning" she chuckled at the boy's surprised expression. "Does your mother know you're here" "Um, no…F/N" he tasted your name on his lips "Grabbed me and we ran here" he answered sheepishly "Honey, you know you can't just grab a kid and bring them here, their parents must be worried" your mother looked sternly at you "It's okay, if you want maybe we can go to my house and you can meet each other" you looked at your mother with very happy bright eyes "Yes, mommy let's go let's go, they live right in front of us" "Okay, let's go" your mom grabbed the keys to the apartment, and went to meet Taiga's mom.

From then on, your two families became very close. Your mom and Taiga's mom became best friends, as well as your dads. You and Taiga became best friends too, you two were attached to the hip, you didn't mind not having other friends. You've been there for each other in the most crucial moments of childhood.

Two years later, Taiga was walking home alone (you were sick that day) when he met a kid, Himuro Tatsuya, who invited Taiga to play basketball. The redhead was happy to make a new friend, he told Tatsuya about it on his way home. Once in front of your building Taiga said goodbye to Tatsuya and run upstairs to your apartment opening the door like it was his place. "It's Taiga" "Hi Sweetheart, we're in the kitchen" your mom said "Taiga!" you said as soon as you saw him "Hey N/N" he hugged you "How're you feeling" "Better, how was school?" "Meh, boring as always" "You can't say that" you said with a pout "It's true" he smiled "That's not the point, today I met a kid, he's awesome, he's a year older than us…and he's going to teach me how to play basketball" "Wow, really?" "Yeah, I played today a little bit because they needed one more player, but Tatsuya was so cool I wanna play like him" he was so excited, you got a little jealous "Hey you can't forget about me, I was your best friend first, got it?" "I would never forget about you" he rubbed your hair in an affectionate jokingly manner.

The next day, you had the pleasure to meet Tatsuya Wow he's really cute…wait what? you had never thought about a boy in that way before he was the first, but you dismissed the thought It's just because it's the first time I meet him, it's gonna pass. I have to remember what dad said: Boys are gross. "Hi, I'm Tatsuya" he offered his hand "Hi, I'm F/N and I'm Taiga's best friend" you took his hand and shook it, he laughed at the last sentence you said. You three went to a near basketball court, and while the two boys were playing you were reading; occasionally you would lift your gaze to see Tatsuya, but as soon as you caught yourself doing that you would shake your head and read again.

One day coming back from a match, Taiga told Tatsuya how he felt about the latter being an older brother to him. Tatsuya's response was to buy a ring for each one, it represented the brotherly bond of the two boys and their friendship with you. Later the two boys had to buy chains so the ring wouldn't bother them when playing, you did kept it as a ring, sighing a little bit because the older boy also thought of you.

For the next three years, you, Taiga and Tatsuya were inseparable. You kept going to their classes with Alex and their matches. They bribed you with books so you would keep going. You and Taiga kept being the best friends you've always been, but year after year your thoughts about Tatsuya kept increasing towards a more romantic side. At first you didn't know what was happening, so you confided in your mother, who told you: Honey, it's a crush, your first crush, she was really happy, your dad not so much, at first he thought you were talking about Taiga and he calmed himself but when you told him it was Tatsuya he said something about older boys trying to take aways his little girl. You didn't understand any of that. You kept your crush a secret from Taiga, because you still weren't sure what it meant. Tatsuya wasn't far from those feelings as well, growing up next to each other he saw how beautiful you were becoming year by year, but never said anything, he was afraid Taiga wasn't going to like him liking his best friend.

The last day of Tatsuya's final middle school year came, something all three of you dreaded because it could mean a separation, and though you three promised to keep in touch with each other, Tatsuya moved because the high school he got accepted into was far away. You were upset with yourself because you never told him how you felt, whatever it was, and he wasn't far from that feeling either but he couldn't do anything about it, after all he was moving away from you.

Next summer, you and Taiga are officially graduating from middle school "Finally high school Taiga" "No more school for two whole months!" "Really? That's the only thing you can think of" you deadpan at him "Yes, let's go or we are gonna be late for the match" he's so excited he's literally pushing to the door "Bye mom" "Bye guys, Taiga please take care of her" "Yes ma'am" he closes the door behind him.

You sit on the bleachers waiting for Taiga's game to start, while he was on the court talking with some other players. Knowing he wanted to came earlier and the matches aren't going to start right now, you take out your book and start reading.

After a while the cheers get louder, you know it's starting. Taiga's team has their first match and they win That boy has seriously improved since Tatsuya left you smile softly at your best friend who looks up at you and raises his arm in a winning manner, you give him a thumbs up. Suddenly people start murmuring when a new team enters the court Is that Tatsuya?, you immediately stand up and go down the bleachers' stairs. Once down, you take a good look at him and your heart starts beating rapidly when you see how Taiga and Tatsuya are smiling at each other I guess I haven’t gotten over him you chuckle at yourself.

The game finishes with Taiga as the winner, he immediately looks up at where you're usually seated but doesn't see you "N/N?" F/N? Is she here? Tatsuya thinks "F/N!" Taiga finally sees you and waves you over, Tatsuya spots you as well Wow, she's definitely prettier his heart beats at an unnormal pace I guess I haven't gotten over her. Closer to the boys Taiga says happily "Look N/N! It's Tatsuya" "Hi Tatsuya, it's been a while" you give him a soft smile "Likewise N/N" you blush Come on, get it together F/N…at least don't be so obvious "What if we all go for ice cream or hamburgers? I bet you're hungry" you ask "Sure" both boys say at the same time.

Sited with Taiga's tray filled with hamburgers, Tatsuya's with a big hamburger and a coke, and yours with a small hamburger and a vanilla shake, you start talking about Tatsuya's first high school year and your last year of middle school. "So you'll be going to the same high school?" Tatsuya asks "Yes, both our parents decided we should stick together "for this new life's adventure"" you make air quotes at the last sentence, Tatsuya laughs at your cute annoyed face "I'll be coming back as well, not same school but near, so maybe we'll see each other" "Of course we will, it'll be like before" Taiga says with his mouth full "Eww, come on Taiga don't be gross" you say. Looking at the watch on your wrist you look at Taiga "We should be getting back, remember your mom said something about having family dinner and you don't want to be late" with open eyes he swallows he last burger saying "Let's go".

With your buildings on view, Taiga gets a phone call "It's my mom, she must be expecting me" he says sulky "See you N/N, see you Tatsuya" the both fist bump, and Taiga starts running towards his house. "How are you feeling? You know, after Taiga won?" he chuckles dryly "Well, it's not easy being defeated by your younger brother, but I'm amazed at how much he has grown" "I know, who knew back then you would introduce him to his passion?" "We were just kids" "After you left, he continued to practice a lot, it's like his body asks him to play, it's kinda amazing" "How have you been doing?" "Me?" "Don't sound so surprise, we are also friends right?" "Yeah, of course, friends" Did I just get friend zoned? you think Did I just friend zoned myself? he thinks "Well, I've been good. Still good at studies, trying not to let him flunk" you both laugh "And accompanying him to his matches, and you?" you ask him "Well, adjusting myself to high school and improving my technique, but I guess it's still not enough" he chuckles dryly "Hey, you're still really good, you know?. I bet next game you'll win" you touch his forearm "This means you'll be cheering for me?" he puts his hand on top of yours "U-u-uh it means I'll be there watching the both of you" you say with pink covering your cheeks "Well, this is me" you arrive at your building "Do you have time tomorrow? To hang out?" "Ummm, yes I think Taiga and I have time, I mean it's summer vacation we don't have much to do, but I'm talking about his games" you say thinking about your schedules, but Tatsuya surprises you "No…I don't mean us three, but us two" he says embarrassed with a hand behind his neck "Just us two? Yeah, sure" you say a little bit too loud, and grimace at this "Great, see you tomorrow" he answers you with a big smile and red cheeks I really thought she was gonna say no "See you tomorrow Tatsuya" you inhale and, with an impulse of bravery, you tiptoe and kiss his cheek, leaving him breathless. Feeling how the bravery is leaving your body, you turn and run towards the building's main door, leaving a frozen Tatsuya touching his cheek.

You wake up the next day nervous about two things: Your date Nope, it's not a date just a hang out between two friends…even if I like him you sigh, and what are you gonna say to Taiga Should I tell him? No, he would freak out…or worst case scenario he would sulk for days and I prefer moody Taiga than a sulky one you shudder at the thought.

Deciding not to tell your best friend, you step in front of your closet What should I wear? He didn't say it was a date, so I should be casual but nice you nod deciding the outfit for today's hang out. Tatsuya texts you telling you he's in front of your building, coming up with a tiny little lie to your mom and to Taiga, you rush down stairs, take Tatsuya's hand and run until you're out of sight.

"Why did we just run?" he laughs "Well, I told Taiga I had a new book and didn't want to be interrupted, and I told my mom I was going out with Taiga" you say feeling a little embarrassed "Let's hope everything stays that way" you say defeatedly "Okay" he says a little sad, seeing this you add "It's not because of you…Taiga can get really sulky if he knows we're hanging out without him and mom will tell dad and he doesn't like you so much" you add the latter unknowingly "Wait, why doesn't he like me" "What" you open your eyes Damn it, did I say that out loud? "Mmm…he doesn't like boys in general" you say in a weird voice.

You walk towards a really nice cafe, one you mentioned the day before Did he remember what I said yesterday? You blush at the thought, it makes you feel special Did I get the place correctly? I asked my mom because I had no idea where it was  and she said she had heard of a place with this name "Is this the place you mentioned yesterday?" Tatsuya asks you nonchalantly as if he's not nervous about your answer "Yes, it is. I can't believe you remembered. We talked about a lot of stuff" your smile is so big and pretty his heart beats even faster than before.

A soft smell of coffee welcomes you once you pass the wooden door. The inside is better than what you've heard from people who have come. Their display is full of, what looks like, delicious pastries that make your mouth water. There is a young cashier behind the register, they smile at you "Is this your first time here?" Tatsuya and you nod at her words "Well, we recommend you our red velvet pastries and our cold beverages for these hot days" you guys read the menu and choose what you think will like the most "Those are great choices guys, you can pick a place to sit and we will take your order there" the cashier says smiling at you, you thank them and search for a place to sit.

At the very end of the café there is a place with beanbags and books. You decide to sit next to a big window with a beautiful view, with a not so tall table for your pastries and two (close) beanbags. You sit on one, and Tatsuya picks up his and brings it closer to you Does he want to be close to me? You can't help but think that and blush. "I can't help but ask Tatsuya, why did you invite me here today without Taiga?" you only want it to hear it. To hear you're not crazy and there can be something romantic between you two. Tatsuya's eyes open, he wasn't expecting that but he wants to be honest with you, especially if life can get in the way again "Well I" he couldn't continue because a waiter is putting your order on the table, you thank them and take a sip of the beverage "Woah, it's so good" you can't help saying that after the flavor hits your tongue She looks so cute when her eyes get big after something that excites her Tatsuya looks at you with love in his eyes while you're looking at the glass in your hands So cute, they're really in love the cashier thinks while looking at you two and turns around to continue with their work.

Putting your glass down you look at Tatsuya "How's yours?" you ask "Hmm?" Tatsuya looks like he's being brought back to Earth, you giggle "What you ordered? How does it taste?" "Oh, I haven't tried it" a blush creeps around his face and to hide it from your eyes, he takes the glass and brings it to his face fast drinking the cold liquid. He looks really handsome right now you start to feel hot but just blame it on the weather. "Oh…what were you saying just now, you know about being just the two of us" you have…need to know What the hell, let's just say it "Well (F/N) I like you, like really really like you…for a long time actually" he lets an awkward laugh at the last part "and I wanted to let you know before life decides for us again" he smiles at you "that's why I didn't want Taiga to be here with us obviously". You're in shock The boy I've liked for a long long time that is older than me actually likes me back you're still processing what Tatsuya told you and haven't speak yet, however the boy in front of you is processing things differently Damn, is she not into me? Have I made things awkward? Does she likes Taiga? "(F/N) you don't have to say anything if you do not like me back is perfectly fine…I know you've spent more time with Taiga and he is the one you li…" "WAIT! WHAT?!" you interrupt him with a scream, remembering where you are you look around you but it's still just the two of you in that section "I do NOT like Taiga…I like you Tatsuya for a long time" you smile timidly at him "I was just shocked because it never actually occurred me that you would actually like me, I mean you're older than me and you've probably met cuter and prettier girls while you were gone, and well I'm just me I'm nothing speci…" something that would never occurred to you happens. Tatsuya cuts your rambling by kissing you on the lips She just looked to cute rambling but I can't let her think she's not good enough when she's been on my mind all this time Is he kissing me? Just to cut off my rambling? How does his lips are like so perfect? as soon as you two break off the kiss you babble "Wow, my first kiss and with the boy I've liked for years…Wait did I say that out loud?" "Well it's a good thing this was my first kiss too" he chuckles at your bright pink face.

You two spend the afternoon holding hands, eating and drinking, and stealing tiny kisses. You've haven't been this happy in a while, however there's something that's bothering you all this time. Drawing little nothings on his hand with your fingers you ask in a tiny voice "Tatsuya, what about Taiga? Should we tell him?" "I'm not sure" he says copying your tiny voice "I love Taiga like a brother, but right now you're too important for him and I know he expects your head to be filled with basketball just like his, not to mention he'll think we'll be leaving him alone, and telling him about us…not that there is an us because we don't have label" you quickly add to not make him feel uncomfortable "Will you be my girlfriend?" he answers with a question, taking out a tiny box from his pocket and giving it to you. You open it, finding a necklace with the most beautiful pendant you've seen: A book transforming into a basketball "I wanted it to represent us" he smiles at you with a hand behind his neck showing a hint of embarrassment "It's beautiful Tatsuta, can you help me?" You turn your back to him, and while he's clasping it "I would love to be your girlfriend Tatsuya" you turn around and go for a kiss I'm really lucky to finally have her "About Taiga…even if it pains me to say it, we should keep it from him for a while, when we know he's ready we'll tell him" you nod agreeing with the idea and settling next to him with your head in his shoulder It's for the best, Taiga would be too shocked and I don't him to think we'll be leaving his side because of our relationship.

You come back that day to your house with a boyfriend and a new necklace. Your mom notices the latter and you know you have to tell her  which you do, and she promises to not tell your dad until you've told Taiga first because you know your dad would want to recruit him to scare Tatsuya Though I don't know if he would join since Tatsuya is his brother you think to yourself.

Summer passes by so fast. Dates with Tatsuya. Entire books. Hangouts with Tatsuya and Taiga. Basketball matches. Dates with Tatsuya. Wins for Taiga. Wins for Tatsuya. More books. More dates with your boyfriend. And something you were dreading happens.

You're seating on the benches with your book, however you're not reading it you're too anxious to do it. Taiga and Tatsuya right now have a tie and today's match would determine who's the winner, meaning who's better at basketball, and something inside you can't help but worry at the outcome. You have the pendant of your necklace between you index finger and your thumb in an anxious manner. Suddenly you see something…a bandage in Tatsuya's arm when he throws the ball, you now Taiga has seen it as well, the ball does not go in, and Taiga's team catches the rebound and passes it to the redhead…He missed and you know Taiga would have done that shot with his eyes closed He let Tatsuya win. In a moment everyone stars celebrating, but you know better Tatsuya won't like this, he would feel Taiga has no respect for him as a rival…or as a brother; you try to pass through the mass of people but they don't let you, and each second feels like a lifetime when you only want to find your boyfriend and your best friend.

After you're free from the people inside the basketball court you feel like you hear the guy's voices and start running towards you think they are. You finally find them, but it's not a scene you ever thought you would see. "TATSUYA!" you scream after watching how your boyfriend punched your best friend in the face, and run towards Taiga "Oh my God Taiga…are you okay?" you kneel next to the redhead trying to grab the side he just got punched "Why did you do that Tatsuya?" you look up at him "You wouldn't understand (F/N)…he…he has no respect for me…as a rival or a…brother" "That's not true Tatsuya, you're my brother I respect you so much" "Yeah? Then why did you let me win? Because you saw my bandage? You should have fought with everything you have and not just pity me" "I don't want to be rivals, I want everything to stay the same" "Is that right? This game is a tie. And on our next game I'll bet this ring" Tatsuya yanks his chain to show it to Taiga "Tatsuya…" you murmur. "Let's go (F/N)" Tatsuya says turning around and you don't know what to do "I-I can't" "What?" he looks at you and your best friend on the floor "Are you choosing him? Over your boyfriend?" he says with an incredulous look on his face "No, but I can't just leave him" "Wait, boyfriend?" Taiga says confused, a sarcastic laugh fills the air "Oh got it, he's wellbeing is more important to you than me, got it. Do you like him or something? Of course, best friends to lovers" Tatsuya ends his statement with anger and starts running as fast as he can "What?! No! Tatsuya! Come back!" Am I not important to her? Did he just doubt my love for him? Over this?

[spaceorphan18]

The Rogue and Gambit Project: A New Beginning (X-Men #1-3)

The true beginning of Rogue and Gambit's story really comes with the new and somewhat iconic era of X-Men. X-Men: The Animated Series drew its inspiration from the relaunch designs, and for someone who grew up with this era, it feels nostalgic as well as historic. Rogue looks and sounds like the character I grew up with. Gambit being crucial to the line up and no longer an afterthought feels pivotal. I feel like we've finally arrived.

And while I know this era isn't void of problems -- believe me, I know... I kind of enjoy this early Rogue and Gambit dynamic. It's fun and flirty and has a little bit of an edge to it. And the angst. So. Much. Delicious. Angst.

The funny part is... there really isn't a whole lot of it in these first few issues. Things don't really heat up until issue #4. Not only that, I'm gonna have to bring up Rogneto again... I'm so sorry, guys. Blame Chris Claremont.

Alright, let's dig in...

X-Men #1

Rogue in her now iconic new uniform -- this is going to be a standard for quite awhile. Get ready to see this pose a lot - Jim Lee, and artists after him, really like to do the whole one leg up, one fist out thing. Anyway, despite the fact that I (shockingly) don't like that much yellow on her - she's so pretty. I've always loved this era's hair.

Anyway, you want plot details you say?? This is Chris Claremont's last hurrah on his initial, epic 17 year run with the X-Men. And of course you can expect two things -- space shenanigans and coming full circle with Magneto as the villain. The crux of it is about Magneto possibly being a threat, despite the fact that he wants to be left alone, and of course, the X-Men get sucked into the drama.

X-Men #1

Gambit's redesign - which uses his initial costuming but man does he look so much better. He looks 'cool' in the way that all the X-Men look cool in this era. The dude can pull off the color fuchsia. That isn't easy to do. I do like, however, in color theory that the pinks and purples of Gambit goes well with the greens of Rogue's coloring. But more to the point - Gambit is pretty now, which is what we're all really here for. ;)

Anyway - because this is a relaunch, after our initial Magneto based prologue, we get a (re-)introduction to the entire team in one of my absolute favorite sequences of X-Men comics. The teams will eventually be divided into two groups; the Blue Team -- Cyclops, Beast, Rogue, Gambit, Wolverine, Psylocke, and Jubilee and the Gold Team -- Storm, Jean Grey, Iceman, Angel, Forge, and Colossus, but for now, they're one happy family doing a classic danger room sequence as designed by Charles Xavier.

X-Men #1

The whole sequence is really pretty awesome, but it leads to one of my favorite comic book moments -- where Gambit just goes for it and kisses Jean. It's a fake, robot Jean, but it's a bold move. And leads to Cyclops wanting to drop a truck on him. It's such a classic moment and I love it.

X-Men #1

Our first Rogue and Gambit panel happens right after Wolverine wins the whole training sequence (because of course he does). (Also - Claremont can't quite resist and we get a final 'bang, you dead' moment.) Meanwhile, Rogue and Gambit still haven't spoken to each other - but at least they know the other one exists. Progress, right?

X-Men #1

I really need to take a moment and appreciate the fact that most of the time during this era, when Gambit isn't in his uniform, he's running around half naked.

X-Men #1

Ug, alright, let's talk about Magneto again. This whole arc is about Magneto kind of having an existential crisis (which, you know, happens when they need to reset you to villain again). And, unfortunately, we'll get a few of these moments scattered throughout these issues of Rogue trying to talk sense and reason into him due to their 'spark' in the Savage Land. I get that someone should be a reasonable voice -- especially when the rest of the X-Men are attacking the guy before any kind of provocation. But I'm still rolling my eyes that it's Rogue. Notice he calls her 'child' during this? He'll do that throughout. Eesh.

Magneto claims that he has no beef with them and offers them all safe haven on his floating asteroid base -- Asteroid M. And guess who doesn't join him? That's right - Rogue at least has enough sense to stick with the family she knows and cares about over a possible, not really fling. Btw - I hadn't mentioned it back when I was talking about the Savage Land, but there was nothing to suggest Magneto can actually touch her. (I think that might be an Age of Apocalypse thing?)

Also, in case you think any of this sounds familiar - pretty sure X-Men '97 drew heavily from this arc for their Season 1.

X-Men #1

The first time either of them mentions the other one, and it's Gambit being sassy about whether or not Rogue should be a considered a lady. I kind of love it, actually. And love that Beast is like -- oooh, you're playing with fire on that one.

X-Men #2

They're getting more on panel togetherness! Granted it's group shots and they're taking down Magneto, but I'm taking all the scraps!

X-Men #2

Alright, well as much as I'm not a fan of the Rogue/Magneto dynamic, I'm still going to be fair and talk about it. Because it is part of Rogue's development. The key thing here though is that Rogue isn't going to compromise her values and beliefs because she may feel something for Magneto. And this will continue to ring through always through the comics. Of course, how nice of Magneto to swat her away like an annoying fly. Romance for the ages, guys.

X-Men #2

More on panel time! They're really going for all the group shots these days - probably to milk sales. But I mean, Rogue and Gambit look good just standing next to each other, so who am I to complain?

So, back to the plot... Magneto is getting pissy because the world governments are seeing him as a threat. He kidnaps Moira MacTaggart and berates her and blames her for all of his issues (because, you know, she messed with his genetics after he was de-aged, in an attempt to make him /not/ a villain). It was... a whole thing don't worry about it.

Anyway, he has Moira (somehow) brainwash the Blue Team into joining Magneto's side. Because they can't otherwise be convinced. Which, oh my gosh - what's with all the brainwashing lately?? Of course, this means it's Gold Team to the rescue...

X-Men #3

I'm going to try to document every time they're on the same cover. Also, it isn't X-Men unless there's at least an X vs X brawl every other month.

X-Men #3

Another group shot with Magneto in between them?? What can this mean??? Actually, nothing, I think it's just a coincidence. But - I really like the art here.

But.. you guys! YOU GUYS! We get our first real Romy moment in this issue! Granted - they're still brainwashed! But it's another first! Here we go...

X-Men #3

So, they're all hanging out on Asteroid M, taking it easy because - apparently that's what you do when you're a brainwashed Magneto fan. I love that Cyclops is still in his full uniform while Gambit has managed to strip down to his undies. I'm sure we can all tell who is the real fun one of the group.

You know what I like about this exchange, though? Gambit was casually complementing her diving skills and Rogue is the one who decides to get flirty about it. Of course, Gambit's going to push it further - see how far she wants to really go, and that'll cause her to run -- a dynamic that we're going to see a ton of as we go through all of this early stuff.

But for all that Gambit's going to push - it's not completely unwarranted or completely out of nowhere. Yeah, he gets flirty with the ladies on principal. Yeah, he went for kissing (fake robot) Jean unprompted because he thought he could. I won't defend some of the ickier aspects of these comics.

But... I'm fascinated by the idea of - what if she could touch? Would it still be a game to him? Would she have let it continue? Would they just have had a little fling right off the bat? Are her powers what really pushes them to have a deeper relationship than what they might have had? Just all the thoughts I'm throwing out there.

I also like that, that little moment of humor, where she knocks him into the pool, is so genuine it shakes her out of her mind control.

I also like that Gambit's genuine concern for her stops his playfulness.

It's such a tease of some great stuff coming up, and I am here for it.

X-Men #3

And that's really all we get guys. The Gold Team shows up to save the day but not before some X-Men fighting amongst each other. Magneto monologues for a while. Charles tries to get him to see reason. The people of Earth try to nuke Asteroid M and everyone gets outta there while Magneto decides to go down with the proverbial ship.

X-Men #3

This is in the closing moments of the issue - and I'm putting it here because it is Rogue talking about Magneto again -- but kind of seeing reason and how their ideologies do not work. She's trying to get Xavier to see this, and it's funny that Xavier is having a very hard time trying to let his old 'friend' go. Rogue, however, is fine. Maybe there had been a small, romantic spark of being caught up in close quarters in a shared moment. But that was all it was.

There is more to a longer lasting romance than fleeting moments due to circumstances. ;)

The X-Men take off leaving Magneto and his real followers to their fates. Of course... we know that it's never the real end of Magneto. Asteroid M may blow up, but he'll be fine.

However, I'll take a moment say that it's a poetic ending. Chris Claremont closes it out with a sort of goodbye. His tenure on X-Men is now complete, and we've fully stepped into a bright, new era!

X-Men #4 is gonna bring it. Let's do it! ;)

[chdarling]

I can count on one hand when snape has lost his cool in canon . in poa when harry saved sirius , in OOTP when sirius vs snape , when harry saw his memories . In hbp when harry called him a coward . And that's about it . While majority of time he is composed , confident and insults people with coolness and sass . The list is too long . Like he has coolly sassed Bellatrix , peter , sirius , harry , Ron , hermione , james , lockhart etc .

I love and deeply appreciate your talent but imo snape's behaviour is reversed in TLE , he is just too angry here to think coherently let alone insult or attempt at sarcasm .

I mean Remus has more sarcasm and wit than he has in canon and i have no complain there as i am a sucker for wity banter and humor , but it feels like injustice to Snape's personality to me .

I’m sorry you feel that way! I emphatically (and amicably) disagree.

I think for me it comes down to the fact that I am not trying to replicate the characters exactly as they were in the books. TLE is a prequel, and thus for all the characters — but especially Snape because he actually survives — this is a story of becoming. They’re not meant to be perfectly reflected versions of who they were in the '90s, but rather versions of themselves that could feasibly grow into the characters we see in canon.

The Snape in canon is a 35ish year old man who has survived a war and had years and years to master his emotions and become a top-notch spy who, as you say, sasses the likes of Bellatrix, not to mention lies to Voldemort's face. The Snape I’m writing in TLE is a 17-year-old boy who has done none of that yet but is raw and bitter and wrathful enough to be convinced joining a fascist hate group is a really swell idea.

To me, the moments you point out when Snape loses his cool in canon are the entire point of his characterization, not an occasional aberration, and these scenes were crucial to me when building his character. Rage is crucial to his character. It’s notable, I think, that almost all of these moments are related to the Marauders/Lily in some way. It’s the moment the mask slips and the wounded teenager comes out.

A few examples, just for fun (emphasis mine).

(This got a little long, but I was distracting myself during some severe weather that was stressing me, so I hope you’ll take this in the spirit of fun discussion, and not anything else. 🙂)

From POA, after Sirius escapes:

“THEY HELPED HIM ESCAPE, I KNOW IT!” Snape howled, pointing at Harry and Hermione. His face was twisted; spit was flying from his mouth. “Calm down, man!” Fudge barked. “You’re talking nonsense!” “YOU DON’T KNOW POTTER!” shrieked Snape. “HE DID IT, I KNOW HE DID IT—!”

“Fellow seems quite unbalanced,” said Fudge, staring after him. “I’d watch out for him if I were you, Dumbledore.” “Oh, he’s not unbalanced,” said Dumbledore quietly. “He’s just suffered a severe disappointment.”

From OOTP after Harry sees his worst memory:

“So,” said Snape, gripping Harry’s arm so tightly Harry’s hand was starting to feel numb. “So…been enjoying yourself, Potter?” “N-no…” said Harry, trying to free his arm. It was scary: Snape’s lips were shaking, his face was white, his teeth were bared. “Amusing man, your father, wasn’t he?” Said Snape, shaking Harry so hard that his glasses slipped down his nose. “I—didn’t—“ Snape threw Harry from him with all his might. Harry fell hard on to the dungeon floor.

From Half-Blood Prince, after Harry calls him a coward:

“DON’T—” screamed Snape, and his face was suddenly demented, inhuman, as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind them— “CALL ME COWARD!”

These are all such extreme reactions that, rare as they might be, they definitely suggest an undercurrent of deep rage and, I might add, a pattern of losing control when provoked with certain memories.

And then, of course, there are the flashbacks in which we actually DO get glimpses of young Snape:

“Tuney!” said Lily, surprise and welcome in her voice, but Snape had jumped to his feet. “Who’s spying now?” he shouted. What d’you want?”

(Interesting, I think, that his first instinct is to shout. Petunia hasn't said anything yet.)

There was a crack: A branch over Petunia’s head had fallen. Lily screamed: The branch caught Petunia on the shoulder, and she staggered backward and burst into tears. “Tuney!” But Petunia was running away. Lily rounded on Snape. “Did you make that happen?” “No.” He looked both defiant and scared. “You did!” She was backing away from him. “You did! You hurt her!” “No — no I didn’t!” But the lie did not convince Lily: After one last burning look, she ran from the little thicket, off after her sister, and Snape looked miserable and confused…

Snape’s whole face contorted and he spluttered, “Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too! You’re not going to — I won’t let you —“ “Let me? Let me?” Lily’s bright green eyes were slits. Snape backtracked at once. “I didn’t mean — I just won’t want to see you made a fool of — He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!” The words seemed wrenched from him against his will. “And he’s not…everyone thinks…big Quidditch hero—“ Snape’s bitterness and dislike were rendering him incoherent, and Lily’s eyebrows were traveling farther and farther up her forehead.

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking. “I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.” “No—listen, I didn’t mean—“ “—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?” He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…

This to me does not read as a composed, confident boy. This is (in my opinion) an extremely angry, troubled boy who is buffeted around by his emotions, who hasn’t yet learned to articulate them fully, let alone control them. Learning to conquer these emotions and be the cool, calm, and collected double-agent-man we see in canon is a big part of his journey, but it's certainly not something he's mastered yet at 17.

.......But, at the end of the day, this is just a fanfic and everyone has different interpretations of these characters. Which is fine and fun! TLE Snape has always been somewhat polarizing, but I'm pretty set in my interpretation of him. I'm looking forward to exploring more of his journey as he grows into book Snape. He's just not there yet. :)

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Mommy Dearest

Moonlight Chicken, Ep. 7 is all about parent/child relationships. And I for one could not be more grateful to P'Aof and the other writers, cast, and crew involved in highlighting that. As I've gotten older my appreciation for slice of life style stories has continued to grow, and I think that stems from finding comfort and catharsis in seeing other people portray my reality. Especially when it is treated with empathy and understanding.

Which is why I was so happy to see Li Ming's interactions with his mother this episode. Cause the second they meet face to face, I knew I would be relating hard to Li Ming's feelings towards his mother.

It is vitally, vitally important to me that Jam is introduced in this way. That she is always being shown throughout this entire episode to be kind. She is nice, she is expressing interest in her son, she is cooking for him, she is asking him to come home. Even when she is expressing her thoughts on Li Ming being gay to Jim, ones that are harmful, she is not doing so maliciously. She is allowed to be seen as not inherently evil, and Li Ming is still allowed to feel no love for her.

And this is very important to me specifically because it the way she engages with Li Ming is nearly identical to the way my father is currently trying to engage with me. He's started calling me more, started asking me more questions about my life, started inviting me over for dinner when I'm in town. And the reason why I'm so invested in this scene is because, I recognize the deadness in Li Ming's eyes, we know from later on in the episode that Li Ming isn't sure that he loves his mother, and as a result we have a colder, more stand-offish, and unusually quiet Li Ming. He is not capable of engaging with his mother in a loving way, and it radiates out of him. Before we've had more than ten seconds of a conversation between them, we can already tell that Li Ming is incapable of buying in to her pleasantries.

Even worse for Li Ming, this is a surprise. He did not know she was coming, and now she is here, giving him no time to emotionally or mentally prepare to interact with her.

And this statement speaks volumes to me, probably does to Li Ming too. She didn't come here to see Li Ming, she didn't come here because she missed Li Ming, she came here because her boyfriend was coming here, she just happened to be in town. It's understandable if the expense to travel is a burden, but we know pretty soon after she says this line that she is currently living comfortably.

Crucially, Jam doesn't say this to be cruel, she is not trying to hurt Li Ming. She's just telling him information, but if my father said this to me after an extended time apart, I know I certainly would be thinking of course. of course you only come when it's convenient for you.

Love this line. Because it establishes a fact. Li Ming and Jam do not talk to each other. Li Ming has no idea who Uncle Tong is in relation to his mother.

Li Ming's entire character centers around connection and disconnection. And if his body language wasn't a neon sign in and of itself to the disconnect he has between himself and his mother, everything she has said and continues to say puts further distance between them. "That uncle who took you fishing when you were small," when you were small. She hasn't seen Li Ming in years, she has no idea who he is as a person now, no idea what memories he's made since living in Pattaya. Li Ming is her child, so he will always be a child, and his current likes and interests and memories must surely still be tied to his childhood. Because she only knows Li Ming has he was, before she lost left him

Ok, I know I say this every time, but Fourth is such a good actor, there is so much more darkness and anger in Li Ming than in Gun and I always have to remind myself he's playing both characters. And right here, I want to ask Fourth what Li Ming is feeling. Is he lying or is he telling the truth? Is he scared of what is coming next? He knows what will happen, he knows what is coming. Does he lie about not remembering P'Tong to try to drive the knife in a little? Or does he genuinely not remember and it's a good indication that Jam will have to work very very hard to brighten up the relationship between her and her son?

We love the incredibly human characters that are in this show. Li Ming's mother does actually care about her son's opinion here. She wants him to know that she is thinking of marrying P'Tong. I do genuinely believe that, that she is seeking permission here from Li Ming, regardless of whether P'Tong was the one who suggested it or not.

Zero tolerance for bullshit.

I know Li Ming as a character is very willing and able to call out the injustices he sees, anywhere, anytime, with anyone in any position of power. But God, (sorry this is getting too personal) it feels so satisfying some times to deliver a cut like this to a parent.

Li Ming is still not buying in to it, so Jam is being more intentional about what she is feeling. Jam wants Li Ming's opinion, or...she wants Li Ming to absolve her of some of her guilt and her hesitations and her worries.

ZERO! TOLERANCE! FOR! BULLSHIT!

God. His face in this whole scene is great, so detached from everything, he is giving her as few emotions as possible. It's cold, it's distant, his physicality bears the emotional distance between them. It is so so different from his confrontations with Jim. Someone he is also very clearly willing and able to talk back to. To get punchy with.

When Li Ming is mad at Jim he gets close, as close to him as possible, right up in to his face.

When Jim gives him a command "don't raise your voice at me," "I said stop." it does take a few attempts but Li Ming does listen. Does calm down. Does apologize. And even after his uncle has constantly, sometimes unintentionally, and sometimes for safety, over-stepped Li Ming's boundaries and autonomy, Li Ming still often checks in with Jim. In the confrontation with Heart's parents when Heart runs upstairs, Li Ming looks to Jim (in my mind seeking permission) before he runs up after him.

But crucially, Li Ming trusts Jim, Li Ming loves Jim, Li Ming knows Jim cares about him and as a result, he gives Jim his whole self. He calms himself down when Jim tells him he's crossed the line, he goes to Jim's birthday party, he apologizes to Jim. He tells Jim what is bothering him, and while that often ends in an argument, Li Ming is fully willing to be honest with him.

"If you want me to say it's okay, just say it,"

Jam does not get the same honesty. Whatever he can do to just finish this conversation sooner, he will do. Whatever Jam wants him to say so she can feel better and he can get more distance between them, he will say.

Oh. I can see how easy it would be for Li Ming to fully believe it was P'Tong who actually decided to consider Li Ming's feelings. Not hers.

Straight to the point. Just say what you mean, just tell me what you want, stop dragging this conversation out.

He looks...absolutely the same. No emotion. Closed off. There is no excitement, no hope, no joy. This is not good news to him. This does not change anything between them. This does not make him love his mother more, or make him feel more loved by his mother in return.

"My life is more comfortable now, you know? You're about to graduate from high school. Maybe we can be together again." Now, we all know that Li Ming is not interested in going to college, he wants to leave, to do work and travel. But his mother doesn't know that, we'll get to the sentence immediately following this one in a second but I just...I can't help thinking about whether or not Li Ming would even live at home if he did go to college. How much parenting would she really have to do. How much of a time commitment would she really be putting in?

We know Li Ming has desperately been seeking freedom and understanding. He has found understanding by way of Heart. But the freedom from poverty? He now has that if he goes to live with his Mom. She's living a comfortable life. But he doesn't want it. Because fundamentally, more than anything else, Li Ming wants freedom to make his own choices.

And see, here is the thing. "IF YOU WANT to continue your studies," she's giving him a choice here...technically. But Jim and Li Ming have had this conversation already. Jim and Li Ming have already had this fight. Going back with his mother would not solve any of his problems, and in fact creates more because it separates him from the community he has here.

"Why do you all decide for me? Nobody bothers to ask me first."

Now, in the first place we know there is no way in Hell Li Ming is going back with his mother. There is not a second in this entire interaction that Li Ming even entertains the idea. He does not love his mother, he does not want to live with his mother, his mother has no clue who he even is as a person at this point.

And in the second place, he would be facing the same exact problem he has right now. People aren't asking him what he wants. They aren't treating him like an adult. And yes, as you get older, you realize that people were doing their best, and as you get older you realize that it's difficult to successfully balance when you need to protect or guide young adults and when you need to let them make their own decisions. In the conversation Li Ming has with Jim at the end of Episode 5 after they return home. Jim asks "What if something more serious occurs to [Heart]?" and Li Ming replies with "I never think it would happen," and that is what Jim is trying to shield Li Ming from. And all Li Ming is asking for is to be allowed to learn from those moments.

Okay, tangent over, back to Li Ming and Jam. Where we have seen Li Ming be cold, near dissociative, and definitely detached through most of the conversation with his mother. But this, the lack of autonomy he is constantly facing by his family, is Li Ming's biggest sore spot. And he has been bravely trudging along through a conversation he does not want to be in, where he is being met with just so much kindness that lacks so much understanding of him, that he is ready to be done.

But this is not the reaction his mother is expecting of Li Ming, again, because she hasn't been here for this. We have. Jim has. We know that this is a sore spot, and we know that Li Ming has already been in a very emotionally charged argument about this with his uncle before, and I doubt he really wants to do it again.

"Isn't it good to have options?" because she is confused. Because she doesn't know that Li Ming has chosen his option already. That his choice is to leave. And this question is double edged, though I don't think Jam realizes it. Isn't is good to have options? To have college as a back up if you decide you want to go. To have me as a backup if you are tired of living with Uncle Jim. If you are tired of living here in poverty, in a community that accepts you, in a place where you have friends and you have love and you have connection. You can come back with me to live in a comfortable home, with a man that I don't really want to marry but will anyway, away from all your friends, away from the man that raised you, away from your community.

No wonder Li Ming hits her back immediately with "What do you want me to be happy about first?"

The face of a man who is very much not happy about any of this. "About your breakup with Uncle Sith, about your new boyfriend, or about you being well-off and having a comfortable life, and wanting to take me back with you?"

If anyone can remind me of the timeline with Beam, I would really love to know, because I want to know if Li Ming knew Beam, if Li Ming met Beam. How many people has he lost? How often is his mother breaking up with people? How out of the loop does Li Ming feel?

Babes, you didn't come here for Li Ming at all. The list of reasons you gave for coming to Pattaya, in order:

"P'Tong was in town running errands"

"P'Tong wanted me to ask you if it was okay if he married me,"

"I want to be with you,"

The reason you actually came to Pattaya:

Jim called and asked for a title, and you want to use it to get him to try to help you get your son to move back with you.

The face of a man who is absolutely done compromising his own feelings for his mother's.

And God, okay it is time to talk about Li Ming and eye contact. Because we know he is so so capable of keeping eye contact. When he fights with Jim his eyes are always always right on him. When he's with Heart, he's making as much eye contact as possible.

When he is with Jam, it is completely reversed, he makes eye contact with his mother as little as possible. Physically turning himself away from her at the end here. And she tries to be physically affectionate with him, to show her love for him, but Li Ming does not love his mother, and so he just sits there unable to reciprocate.

Lmao, me when my Dad tries to hug me.

Okay, so I started this whole thing by saying that I was incredibly grateful to this show for making Li Ming's mother kind, and for allowing Li Ming to treat her this way anyway, and for that to be okay. Warning, personal story ahead...when I was sixteen, in a fit of anger, my father said he could live perfectly happily without me, and it did irreparable harm to our already extremely tenuous relationship. The thing that even made me tolerate him was going to college and getting thousands of miles between us. And by the end of college our relationship broke down further, and then even distance couldn't save it. But, my father is incredibly charming and charismatic to the outside world. I do not love my father. And that is something I have never said out loud. Because I feel guilty about it. But, I do not love my father, and unfortunately, that's clear to anyone that sees us interact. Because I am Li Ming in my own situation. I am detached, emotionless, giving the shortest possible replies with no extra information. When my father ends his phone calls with "I love you" I do not say it back, because I can't and because I don't believe him. When my father hugs me, I do not hug him back. When my father invites me to dinner, and his girlfriend is there, I can't shake the feeling that it was her who suggested we all get together in the first place. Or if it wasn't, that he's just trying to show himself off as a good father to impress her.

And from the outside looking in, to strangers who do not know the history that has come between us, the history that has gotten us to that point, I look like the asshole. And it is something that I am painfully aware of. So this scene means a lot to me, because I have not seen this type of relationship between a parent and a child in any media before. Either the parents are great, or the parents are abusive, or the parents have been cut off because they are asking too much of their kids. I haven't seen my relationship to my parent accurately represented, and humanely represented. I do not think that Li Ming is being unfair here, I do not think that he is being cruel. And that brings me such relief.