#that Spock should make a return

[lenievi]

trying to reconcile Spock who is shouting so much at the beginning of TOS

Spock, you're now the first officer *Spock panics and starts shouting all of his orders and commentary for several weeks if not months*

[spirkbitch]

[pityroadart]

Here's my piece for the @mcspirkevents Big Bang! I was paired with the excellent @twinkboimler and their fic Jim Kirk's Guide to Delivering the Goods, which you can find here (E, AOS McSpirk, 60k)

Summer just started, and Jim is bored out of his mind. The courses he needs to take aren’t being offered until the second half of the summer, so he has an entire month to bother his roommate Bones. At Bones’ suggestion to get a job, Jim fixes up a motorbike and starts making deliveries to people in town, including a cute Vulcan professor named Spock. But when Jim is beaten up while making a delivery, it’s Spock who delivers Jim back to the apartment he shares with Bones. After the meet-cute from hell, Spock and Bones start dating… and so do Jim and Spock. With neither roommate aware they’re both dating the same man, there’s only so long that things can go well for them before the other shoe finally drops.

Also as part of my Big Bang offerings, I made a fic playlist (below) — partly a love letter to McSpirk, partly a love letter to myself and Fletcher's overlapping music taste.

Thank you again to Fletcher @twinkboimler for working on this project with me, it's been an absolute joy!

Until the Birds Return on Spotify

Tracks and choice lyrics below the cut (contains vague spoilers):

Astronaut | Future Crib

I wanna be an astronaut Fly into space I wanna see Mars from Venus I wanna go to that place And if you come with me They'll be room in my ship I'll take you up there with me It can be just you and me

Afraid of Heights | boygenius

I never rode a motorcycle I never smoked a cigarette I wanna live a vibrant life But I wanna die a boring death

Day by Day | Old Sea Brigade

Time and time again, I think I'm falling through space And I wake up in my bed just sweating in sheets

... Then I think of you growing old and it breaks my heart

Factories | Autoheart

When you found my body by the lake You wasn't sure if I was still alive

You and Your Friend | Snake River Conspiracy

Must we go run through our lives with our eyes closed To the loving happiness that we can share I think I'm in love with you and your friend

My Gal, My Guy | Darlingside

My (guy) he's the bluest ocean, (he) Waits under the bluest sky for me I belong to (him) When I'm in the water

Santa Fe | Autoheart

Heaven sent You were like a present I should not have kept A sticker on your forehead saying 'breakable And I broke you bad

Coat on a Hook | The National

Two days, we're still not talking You're the opposite of an open book Come back for me

Top to Toe | Fenne Lily

So I'm changing all my days To make your nights It's just not right

Pigeon Song | Patrick Wolf

Now the pigeons gather 'round my feeding hand And we talk 'til the evening fades I have learnt how it goes What you wait for never shows And what you least wanted, holds you down like a stone

Hornets | The National

But I don't wanna leave And I don't wanna hide I just don't wanna run Into you tonight

Tea, Milk & Honey | Oh Pep!

If you stick with me, I'll make sure your time is all right If you don't understand where I am now, it's better if we leave it

The Spiritual | Jukebox the Ghost

We might have kissed a bit too soon I could feel what was coming and I didn't mean to hurry you I just knew that time would find our fingers linked, through and through Forgive me, I'm human too

Bike Dream | Rostam

Two boys, one to kiss your neck And one to bring you breakfast Get you out of bed

Don't Go | Yazoo

Can't stop now Don't you know I ain't never gonna let you go

Jenny | The Mountain Goats

I hopped on back of the bike, wrapped my arms around you I sank my face into your hair And then I inhaled as deeply as I possibly could You were sweet and delicious as the warm desert air And you pointed your headlamp toward the horizon We were the one thing in the galaxy God didn't have his eyes on 900 cc's of raw whining power, no outstanding warrants for my arrest

Old Old Fashioned | Josh Ritter (Frightened Rabbit cover)

Oh let's get old fashioned Back to how things used to be If I get old, old fashioned Would you get old, old fashioned with me?

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

Once More (II)

A/N: Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoy. Next update should (hopefully) come quicker.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: None

Masterlist & Playlist

You woke up with a start. You sat up, immediately reaching for your data pad. The stardate reads the same as yesterday - Thursday. 

This was real. This was happening. You sat up in your bed, mind reeling over the events of the last few days. 

Flicking on your data pad you made notes of everything you could remember. Uneventful morning shift, Ensign Sigala would offer you a cup of coffee, lunch would be spent with quickly and alone, the anomaly, drinks with Uhura and Ortegas, the turbolift with Spock. 

Spock. 

You needed to find Spock. 

Quickly, you got dressed, nearly falling over as you gathered yourself for the day. You quickly grabbed your data pad, now making notes about all the information you had managed to gather from the anomaly. 

You were still typing away as you made your way out of your quarters. If you could just lock on to the anomaly as it was happening you’d be able to figure out more. Why today? Why only you and Spock?

You looked up from your data pad as you rounded the corner. Spock was there talking to Nurse Chapel. They both looked directly at you. 

You faltered at your pace. Why- did she?

“There you are!” 

You turned to see Ensign Sigala coming towards you. He wore a bashful smile as he held out coffee for you.

“I wanted to make sure you had your morning cup,” He was smiling kindly at you, you tried your best to return the smile. 

“Oh, thank you, Ensign,” you managed to choke out. 

You felt his presence rigid behind you before you heard him speak. “Lieutenant L/N, Nurse Chapel and I need your presence in sickbay.” 

You looked between Spock and the Ensign managing one more small thank you before following Spock towards sickbay. 

“How did you -” 

“You requested that I find you sooner,” Spock made no motion to look at you as you followed him into sickbay. 

“Alright, Spock, what is going on?” Christine crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes looking between the both of you. 

You glanced at Spock before you stepped forward, “Christine, you’re never going to believe this,” you paused, “But I’m really going to need you to try.”

“Okay, now I’m just more concerned,” she dropped her eyes and moved closer towards you. 

“Spock and I, well we -” 

“We appear to be relieving the same day,” Spock added. 

Christine just gaped at the two of you. “What - you mean-” 

“Everyday is Thursday,” you sighed. 

“I believe we have completed the same loop twice, this being the third.” 

“How did this start?” Christine prompted, leaning backwards against one of the medical tables. 

“The anomaly-” you both say flatly. 

“And then it ends with the turbolift,” you swallowed, “We both sort of plummet to our death and then wake up again.” 

“And have we had this conversation before?” She asked, her head tilting a bit to the side. 

“No, this is our first conversation,” Spock added. “I wanted to inquire if it is possible to determine any abnormalities between Lieutenant L/N and I. This could help us to understand why only she and I have been repeating the day.” 

Christine simply nodded, picking up the tricorder, “Alright, well I don’t see anything out of the ordinary.” She paused making her way to a table. “Maybe if we -” 

Christine's eyes went wide, her hand reaching out to clutch her throat. 

“Christine!” you yelled as Spock reached out to help her. Christine simply fell to the floor, life quickly leaving her eyes. 

Your own throat grew tight, you tried to will air into your lungs but you couldn’t catch your breath. Desperately you looked at Spock, your hand reaching out to him before your knees buckled out from underneath you. 

“What….” you gasped, “Is….happening?” Spock caught you by the arms before you could hit the floor. His distressed eyes searched yours. 

“I do not understand,” he breathed out, his own breaths growing more shallow. He held onto your arms as you both sank to the floor. 

Your breathing grew more shallow as spots began to fill your vision. You have died twice now, this your third. Still, the fear had not left you. Only the feeling of Spock’s embrace tethered you. 

“Spock,” you whispered before your vision went dark once more. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up gasping, your hand reaching for your throat as you sat up in bed. 

“What the hell?” you bit out. You threw the blankets off your bed and quickly got dressed. 

You opened your door walking towards the direction of the bridge. You bumped into Ensign Sigala who nearly spilled the coffee all over himself. 

“L/N, I’m so sorry! I wanted to-” 

“Not now Sigala, sorry!” you yelled out as you broke into a run. You felt breathless as you ran. You just needed to get to him. You could calm down once your eyes met his. 

You turned a corner to see Spock ready to walk onto the bridge. Quickly, you grabbed him by the sleeve and led him to a maintenance shaft. 

You stood directly in front of him. There was little space between you both. Your breathing came rapidly, your nerves and anxiety becoming newly unbearable. 

“What the hell was that?” you questioned, your eyes finding his. You almost took a step back, he looked tired. You didn’t think it was possible for Spock to look anything other than pristine. 

“I….do not know,” he managed to say, his eyes never leaving yours. 

“Why would that happen to Christine? I thought we only reset in the turbolift, but what if-” you stammered, “I don’t understand any of this.” 

You rubbed your face in frustration, anger and tears mixing together as your emotions boiled over the surface. You tried to steady yourself, crying wouldn’t help either one of you now. 

You could see the look of fear on Christine’s face, shock and confusion in her final expression. You closed your eyes, squeezing them shut. 

“We must continue to try and determine what is causing the anomaly.” Spock spoke gently as if trying to help ground you. 

Your eyes flicked to him, frustration clear across your face. “What do you suggest?”

“We can attempt to discuss this with the Captain and the bridge.” Spock’s expression was unreadable. There was something there - a lingering expression in his eyes that spoke of more than just exhaustion. 

“Okay,” you replied, your eyes downcast. “After you,” you signaled. Spock held your gaze for a beat more before straightening his posture and walking towards the bridge. 

You walked together silently as the bridge doors opened. 

“Ah, Spock there you are.” Captain Pike smiled warmly, “And Lieutenant L/N, this is a bit of a surprise. To what do we owe the honor?”

“Captain, if we may speak in private?” Spock stepped forward. Captain Pike gave him a questioning gaze. “Number One, the bridge is yours.” 

You both followed the Captain to his quarters. Your own anxiety began to flare up as Captain Pike leaned back against his ready room table. 

“Alright, which one of you wants to tell me what’s going on?” 

“We’re stuck in some sort of time loop,” you quickly said. 

“Excuse me?” Captain Pike spared you both a questioning look. 

“We have repeated the events of the day three times.” 

“I got that part Spock - I mean what is causing this to happen?” 

“I’m not sure,” you added, “last time we tried to figure out a medical reason Christine and I - we sort of choked to death. Every time before that Spock and I fell to our deaths in a turbolift.” 

“We believe it has something to do with the anomaly that has been intercepting our scanners,” Spock spared a glance at you before turning his attention back to Captain Pike. 

“The storm?” Pike reasoned. 

“Yes, Sir,” you breathed out. 

“Have we had this conversation before?” Pike was giving you both his full attention now. 

“No, but we -” 

“Captain Pike to the bridge!” Number One’s voice cried out through the intercom. “All crew prepare for a red alert!” 

“What-” 

All three of you were jostled to the side as the Enterprise lurched forward. A sickening groaning sound filled the room. 

You fumbled around for your data pad, your eyes looking at the current readings of the warp core. “It’s a core meltdown, we’re losing the antimatter containment. If we don’t eject the core…”

Captain Pike looked at you both, “Has this-” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat up quickly, your hand clutching your chest. You knew what had happened of course, the core breach had occurred, leaving the Enterprise to explode. 

You quickly got dressed, not caring for your appearance or data pad. You simply marched out of your door, avoiding by instinct everyone in your way. 

“L/N, I brought-” 

“Not now, Sigala,” you grumbled before making your way to Spock. You found him as you did before waiting for you in front of the bridge doors. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but you simply waved him off, “Let’s just get this over with.” 

“Ah, Spock there you are.” Captain Pike smiled warmly, “And Lieutenant L/N, this is a bit of a surprise. To what do we owe the honor?”

You let out an annoyed breath, Spock remained neutral. 

“Captain if we may-” 

“We need to talk to you, Captain, in private. La’an, you can come too,” you added making your way out the doors. 

You could feel everyone on the bridge looking at you, but you could not find the will to care. 

“Apologies, Captain, but Lieutenant L/N, is correct.” 

“Alright”, Captain Pike managed to get out. Wordlessly, you followed Captain Pike to his ready room. 

“Which one of you wants to tell me what’s going on?” Pike looked between the three of you, but La’an simply shrugged in confusion. 

“We wake up everyday, living the same day. We live, we die, we do it again,” you grumbled out. 

“I’m sorry?” La’an, narrowed her eyes at you in confusion. 

“I don’t know how I can make this more clear,” you sighed, rubbing the temples of your forehead. You could feel Spock’s eyes on you, but he made no move to correct your behavior. 

“We believe it has to do with the anomaly, with the storm it is quite possible we are experiencing a Cauchy Horizon.”

“What have you done so far?” Pike questioned. 

“We have spoken with Nurse Chapel, to her demise, and to you, Captain, to the demise of the whole crew.” 

“What exactly do you mean by demise?” La’an crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Christine and I choke to death and the Enterprise has a core meltdown,” you whispered half heartedly.

“And prior to-” 

“Captain Pike to the bridge!” Number One’s voice cried out through the intercom. “All crew prepare for a red alert!” 

“Oh, come on!” you yelled, throwing your hands up in exasperation. You didn’t wait to go through the motions, simply closing your eyes and waiting for the flash. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You both attempted ten more times. Ten more deaths of the Enterprise crew where the ship either had a core meltdown, a breach in the hull, or a gas leak. 

Every attempt you made drove you more and more to madness. 

You needed a break. You needed to just go through a loop without watching all of your friends die. 

You didn’t bother putting on your uniform, opting for more comfortable clothing. You slowly made your way towards Spock. 

“L/N, I have-” 

“Thanks, Sigala,” you mumbled, taking the coffee and walking in the opposite direction. 

You shuffled over to the bridge, where Spock looked at you questioningly. He, like you, had grown to look more disheveled as the loops continued. His usual pristine Vulcan appearance was growing more weary. 

“I think we can take a loop,” you sighed. “Don’t you?” 

He looked at you, really looked at you. “What do you have in mind?”

“Oh, I got a couple ideas.” 

You swore you almost saw his mouth twitch in a smile, “Lead the way,” he started borrowing the term from you. 

You smiled widely back at him. Yeah, you both deserved a loop, maybe two. 

[spirk-fic-recs]

Best of TOS Spirk (Pt. 1)

TOS Spirk is my favorite form of Spirk, there's just something so nice about the domesticity... the unspoken tension... and the vibes are impeccable.

I don't know how to classify these fics, but they're just of a really specific genre of classy.

Movable Levels (TOS, 3222 words) by jedusaur

Jim is looking forward to rolling into bed after a nice relaxing game of chess when Spock decides to conclude the evening by announcing, "There is a 71.936 percent chance that I will develop romantic regard for you during the period spanning ten months from the present moment and four years, two months and fifteen days from the present moment."

I [43M] wish to tell my friend [40M] that it’d be logical for us to get married. (TOS, 2465 words) by Smile_Edgeworth

Spock shares a list of reasons why his friend Kirk should accept to marry him.

r/Relationships post.

due consideration (TOS, 2465 words) by tciddaemina

Spock comes to the realization that he is in love with Captain Kirk three point six minutes after the landing party returns from the mission on Taelmaa I. Jim claps Spock on the shoulder as he passes, a there and gone again moment of pressure, eyes meeting in a silent affirmation of question and answer as Jim shoots him a glance and Spock raises an eyebrow in return. Jim nods, heading out the door a moment later, chivying the rest of the away party along with him as he does.

Fulfilling the Needs of the One (Or the Both) (TOS, 8741 words) by plaidshirtjimkirk

Spock begins to wonder if his relationship with Jim has been one-sided in his own favor.

An old married Spirk fic written for the K/S Valentine Calendar. This story actually started and evolved from this anonymous writing prompt on tumblr: "Old Married Spirk where Jim teaches classes at Starfleet and Spock is an ambassador. Spock goes to visit Jim in his office and finds a student with a bit of a teacher kink being a bit too forward with Jim. Spock finds a streak of possessiveness he didn't know he had."

It's Only Art (if it makes you feel something) (TOS, 24231 words) by Wrath_of_Bones

A story about finding your muse, of being someone else's, the importance of seeing what's in front of you, and doing things the hard way.

A story about the world, just a little more lovely.

Without Words (TOS, 13930 words) by plaidshirtjimkirk

When Jim can't decide how to tell Spock how much he's loved, he says it without words.

Enjoy!

-M

[thevoiceoflove1993]

as it is pride month here's my personal interpretation of the timeline of my favorite fictional gay couple's (k/s) relationship that no one has asked for. based on only having watched the shows (tos + tas) and the original series movies and having read the motion picture novelization (meaning i don't have any background knowledge of whatever some canon comic book or whatever says abt what happened in between these shows/movies) (this also means tas is still canon to me and i see it as taking place after tos, like idec!)

under a cut bc my poor non-trek followers and anyone not interested don't have to scroll past All That lol

tos + tas: they go from respecting to liking to on top of that being attracted to and having romantic feelings for each other but being in denial abt it/repressing it most of the time. but at some point they do reach some level of internal awareness abt it but they don't act on their feelings; spock bc of his issues with/fear of emotions and kirk bc of his feelings of having to prioritize his professional responsibilities, and not wanting to overwhelm spock and destroy what they have/take advantage of him as a subordinate officer.

post-tas (at the end of the 5 year mission): something happens to make spock run away and decide to do kolinahr, i.e. his feelings for kirk have become so strong he can't ignore/deal with it anymore, or there is some kind of confession from kirk, or maybe they even kiss like once and spock can't deal with it. either way i always thought this makes sense bc big life changes like in this case their impending seperation due to the end of the mission often facilitate contemplation, realizations, emotional outbursts, etc.

so spock goes to vulcan to re-immerse himself in vulcan philosophy and purge himself of his emotions; kirk is heartbroken but tries to move on by making a change to his career (going from captain to admiral, not commanding a starship anymore) and goes on a rebound with that woman he eventually marries whose name i forgot (sorry) but the marriage fails and he feels unsatisfied w his professional life as well

tmp: kirk is still unsatisfied w his life and clings to the illusion that getting back to the enterprise will make him feel the way he did before the 5 year mission ended. however when he gets there he quickly realizes that everything has changed and that it isn't the place (the enterprise) he misses but instead the time and circumstances that he can't return to. which includes spock, who isn't there.

then as we know spock comes back, noticeably colder and standoffish which hurts and angers kirk, who wants to go back to the close relationship they used to have, while spock is on a completely different page still chasing absolute logic devoid of feeling. then after mind melding with v'ger spock finally realizes he doesn't actually want a life without feelings and communicates that to kirk along with his regret over what happened between them ("i should have known" etc)

post-tmp/between tmp and the wrath of khan: imo they get together after tmp, anything else wouldn't make sense to me lol. they're very in love but still have issues for example i would think spock still struggles with accepting his emotional side from time to time, especially in the beginning, and they don't always communicate well. a lot of time passes between these films so i don't have a detailed timeline for all these years but basically i think they're in a relationship but it's a relationship that isn't entirely satisfying bc both of them still have to work on themselves.

wrath of khan: they've been together for years and love each other a lot and spock is comfortable with his feelings (we see in the movie he openly talks abt them, even in front of others, like when he tells jim to be careful even though bones is right there). however kirk feels insecure in their relationship and is once again unsatisfied bc their careers have seperated them again, but he can't admit that and, just as he always has, tells himself their jobs are more important than having their personal feelings pandered to. spock reassures him he still loves him and is committed to him even if they can't see each other often. due to the events of the movie they then get to be together on the enterprise again and kirk is happy abt it. then (spoiler) spock sacrifices himself to save the crew and kirk is in shock and devastated after his death.

the search for spock: the movie is so gay i feel like i don't even have to say anything abt how i interpret it bc that's basically just the movie lmao. kirk is absolutely spock-obsessed and his relief when he gets him back in the end is so beautiful. basically kirk learns that always putting his professional responsibilities first doesn't make him happy.

post-tsfs: kirk realizes spock doesn't remember everything (yet) and that they can't just go back to being together. he's sad abt it but he hasn't given up on them or anything, he's giving spock time and is committed to waiting for him.

the whale movie: spock still doesn't remember everything and kirk struggles with that. spock re-discovers himself, this time learning abt emotions in a more healthy way than during his original upbringing.

after the voyage home: at some point spock regains all his memories and kirk and him get together again. i don't wanna write abt the last two movies bc imo most of the development regarding k/s happens earlier. basically i think that after the voyage home their relationship is more successful due to all they've been through individually and together. in the final movie we ofc have lots of k/s drama but they give such old married couple vibes in this that i think they're just going through a rough patch. but they still love each other and are together/married.

also after all of this they retire together to some beautiful place and get to finally just chill (and i think kirk struggles with just chilling but that spock teaches him how to appreciate peace and quiet, and eventually he grows to like it), and nobody dies alone or has to live on without the other for decades. the end.

[betty-fran]

#my fanfiction recommendation column

leave no soul behind by whochick

james t. kirk / s'chn t'gai spock

(i love it genuinely so much, so i even have playlist for it)

There are many reasons why you love stories - some enchant with their beauty, some break your heart with their quiet sadness, some help you get through hard times and believe in miracles, some, especially important ones, irrevocably and forever change your life, and you carry them with you carefully as the most precious treasures in pockets near your hearts, but sometimes, and I love such stories the most, they are simply familiar to you, as if you've always known them, as if they have always been here, and you wear them like your favorite clothes, slightly worn and so undeniably yours.

And if TOS became for me that precious treasure from my pocket near my heart, Leave No Soul Behind is undoubtedly this rare, familiar, very mine story. And besides, by a strange coincidence, this was the main reason why I even turned on the first episode of TOS in early spring. Even before my sister and I found evenings together to watch the reboot, which I had fond memories of since my early 20s, I remembered K/S (my memory was hazy, but I definitely knew that there was some obvious hungry codependency between the two of them) and decided to read something purely out of curiosity. LNSB wasn't even first on the list, but I opened it, and it wasn't until halfway through that I even remembered that I sat down to read it for K/S. Because it was just, damn, why wasn't it released officially? It was so whole, so self-contained, and so tactful in the way it showed us relationships that it was probably the first time I thought I could even show it to my sister, who is very skeptical about fanfiction.

When I think of AOS, I think of LNSB first. This is simply the best reading of AOS that exists, better than AOS itself, to be honest. It's such a well-built world, with a well-maintained dynamic of speed, character relationships, plot drama, and, most importantly, this story somehow manages to take everything that was good in the reboot and make it a serious, psychologically literate thing. It does what AOS should do: explores important themes in TOS through the prism of the lost utopianism of today's harsh reality, and does it with such tenderness, with such love for the original, that it somehow disarms. This is a well-written story of the life of paramedics in a world at war, where things you know disappear with each passing day, and you fall asleep to the sound of a radio that no longer brings good news, and you don't know if tomorrow will come. It's vociferously anti-war, and it's especially familiar to us today. It openly talks about PTSD, and painfully true, and somehow simply, without undue dramatization or attempts to soften it, speaks of SA/DV childhood trauma, as it is, unremarkable, unsightly, shameful, and not heroic at all.

This is clearly the most accurate depiction of AOS Kirk, in his lostness, disrespect for authority, and trust issues. In how he only has one bag to carry his entire life in, an old, worn-out jacket, and paperback books that he sends to a house he can't return to. In how his desire to feel like he belongs is more important to him than any ambition or achievement. And this story is incredibly authentic in its little personal things, in its witty dialogues, in this nostalgia for a non-plastic life with coffee cups and bagels in the city center, for morning runs and long night car rides, for divided breathing in the cramped bed, in this "you and I, we've both been through hell, and in complete disarray and terror we don't want any loud victories, we just want a simple, quiet life". And, yes, the K/S here is something special. Despite all the drama, the constantly high degree of tension, and the roller coaster of the transitions between parts, it's a very concrete, fundamental thing from the very beginning. What's between them, they're building it step by step, they're talking and helping each other on the path to healing, and it's somehow so... right.

Just the way it should be.

And in many ways, this story is much closer to the original series in its essence than anything else, and it's strangely, humanly very dear to me, because we humans tend to get attached to stories. As always, I have a few actually a lot (almost non-spoiler) quotes:

The Vegans have a legend among their kind. It speaks of beings that live in the ocean. Unlike the human mermaid mythos, these water angels sing no siren song to call souls into the dark embrace of death. Far from it. They are said to flock towards the drowning, providing buoyancy, succour and support. The Vegans swear that in the water, no one dies alone.

Luna is one of the few places where such things are still available, along with coffee in paper cups and those little chestnuts roasted over an actual hot plate and served in a paper bag. If he's honest with himself, he kind of likes them, too. They've got a brittle kind of impermanence to them; an honesty and fragility that is hard to find in this mixed up, plassteel, transparent aluminium society.

A strange little thrill runs through him at her words; a frisson of something that he can't quite describe. It feels a bit like fate or destiny, but it could just as easily be the bagel he had for breakfast so he thrusts it firmly out of his mind.

"What made you switch?" Jim thinks of that space-jump, of a fleet torn to shreds, of poor orders from on high, of lifeless floating bodies and planets imploding in an abortive scream. "The dental, mostly."

"Nobody in whom you can confide?" "I'm not much of a confider." They glance at each other, and there's a measure of greater understanding. "No," says Spock.

"Fair enough. How about we talk about something else?" "Okay. I heard Ops are edging out Engineering as favourites in the inter-departmental grav ball championships." "Let's talk about your mother." "Oh fuck no."

"You don't feel like you know your mother?" "Well enough. Better than I'd like to. Less than is healthy."

There were kids down there, Bones. Little spindly kids melted to their play equipment like crispy chicken wings. Fuck, Spock is right, I think I'm going vegetarian. Can you whip up a meal plan for me?

Jim tries not to feel bitter. "I admire your confidence, but in my experience, parents are made to disappoint you." "Strange," says Spock, drawing himself up to his full height. "I have consistently found the reverse to be true."

"Scotty respects you." There are a few moments of uncomfortable silence where he figures Spock isn't going to reply, but then, that quiet baritone voice filters through the transparent aluminium. "And you, Jim?" Kirk feels something lodge in his throat. For a moment, he thinks he's going to be sick again, but it passes. "Yeah, and me."

Vulcan privacy is so important, so fundamental. It might be strange to think that someone as outgoing as Jim understands that need, but he does. There are parts of his own life, parts of himself that he likes kept apart; things that are his and his alone.

"If you have a character flaw, Jim, it is this; you place no value on the word of others." Spock turns away, eyes on the floor, his angular face hinting at a disappointment that is overwhelming. "We spoke of trust, and yet here we stand."

As always, he feels most whole when he's slightly broken.

"Yeah, but it's different when you see it." He swallows, throat suddenly dry. "You can be a thing, but it doesn't have any power over you until you realise that's who you'll always be when other people look at you."

"Somewhere along the way, you and I just stopped speaking the same language." "Mom, we never even used the same alphabet," he says quietly, but his hand flips, his fingers close around hers, holding on.

"I guess," Jim drawls, completely ignoring the escape route, "one day I'd like her to look at me and really see who I am." He turns to Spock, knowing that what he's said doesn't make sense, but still wanting understanding. "Like we're both really here, in this moment, in the present."

Spock acknowledges the irrational desire to melt into the ground, to rest there indefinitely while the planet turns and the seasons pass. He feels old, worn out, empty. It is not rational, but that does not make it less true.

He does not want that life, that realization and that loss. He wants, perhaps, the tiniest portion of happiness; a glimpse of what his father had shared with his mother, not the blazing intensity of love and separation.

Inside, Jim is momentarily gleeful. Sometimes, in spite of long standing protective habit, you actually need to let something in. Bit by bit, moment by moment, he thinks that both of them are learning how.

It's an ugly feeling, reflected in the bare-toothed smile on his face and the adrenaline that sets his hands shaking. He's been here before a thousand times over, the images come crashing down from the inside, pushing relentlessly outwards, made of blood and bone and teeth and boiling anger because it's the only thing between him and heartbreak.

The acceptance is heady and really, Jim can't be expected to show restraint in the face of it. They shift together slowly, lips drawing close, barely brushing in the warmth of shared breath. It's almost a kiss, and the nearness of it should make Jim frustrated, but instead it's simply thrilling.

Intellectually, Spock is aware that adversity breeds fortitude, both physical and mental, but he did not expect to find it honed so finely. Jim's mind is bright and turbulent, as beautiful and filled with destruction as a battlefield.

"Hey," Jim says softly, leaning around the corner of the lab door. "Am I disturbing you?" Spock looks up from the displays stiffly, as though he’s been crouched over them too long. "No, of course not." He can't help the warmth that floods his face at Spock's words, as though his enjoyment of Jim's presence is unconditional. Maybe that fits. Maybe that's what he's always wanted; no fairytale ending, no impossible perfection, just the knowledge that he's welcome amongst the chaotic jumble of someone's life.

"You're as brown as a nut," Pike observes, taking in Jim's face with a slight smile. "Spend your shore leave lying on a beach?" "Actually, down a hole full of bat shit, sir."

"Of all the people, out of everyone, Jim Kirk?" Spock stares at his boots, stares at the door, stares at his hands clasped loosely in front of him. When he finally meets the Admiral's flabbergasted gaze, he very pointedly shrugs. The room is warm with Pike's laughter and Spock catalogues a pleasant buzz of rebelliousness before pushing it aside.

"I do not." His dark eyes are solemn. "However, I do not spend inordinate amounts of time reading military briefings, monitoring Fleet deployments and drawing upon public media coverage of the war for entertainment." Jim laughs a little through his nose. "Yeah, my hobbies are awesome, you can admit it."

So it is that McCoy is the only one paying attention when Spock kneels and carefully gathers Jim to his chest, head bowed, eyes wide open and staring at nothing even as Jim's close in relief and his hands grip the Commander's EVA suit tightly. They don't move for a long time. McCoy makes himself look away.

Let him live, he pleads with a higher power he does not believe in. If he lives, it will be enough. Jim doesn't so much as twitch for the next forty two minutes. Spock counts every breath.

Jim lifts his head, moves his hand, presses the fingertips against the tiny speck of white in the black where Spock is. "Write me." Silence. "Spock, dammit, don’t shut me out!" Silence.

"You are speaking of happiness," Spock infers, his eyes flicking to the side, skittish in the way they would never be during a conversation on reproduction, bodily functions, or any other topic that customarily embarrasses human youths. Sarek allows the barest hint of a smile to grace his lips. "Yes, I am speaking of happiness."

He shifts uncomfortably, fingers knotted in the jacket he holds in his hands, the only other possession he's brought with him apart from the clothes he stands in and the motorcycle parked in the street. "Mom, I need your help." She's very quiet, very still. Only her eyes move, taking him in, weighing him and assessing him. He does his best not to wilt under the scrutiny. "I don't think I can help you," she says finally. "You shouldn't have come here."

It is not rage he feels, or mortification; it is a hollow sense of loss mixed with the rush of realization that this is what Jim does; this careless, reckless prostitution of self. It is ingrained in every illogically brilliant idea, every unthinkingly self-sacrificing action, every moment Jim extends himself beyond the reasonable to save a life.

It's just, the mindmeld and," his face contorts and there's a flash of anger, "I'm not used to having anyone to...I'm not used to having..." Spock steps forward and envelops him in a crushing hug, Vulcan-strong. "Please endeavour to become accustomed."

"Do you mind?" It is an imprecise question. The parameters are not clearly defined. Without elucidation there is a significant risk that Spock's response can be misinterpreted or taken out of context. All these objections and more rise to the surface of his orderly mind and dissipate like smoke on the wind. "I find I do not."

"I'm not as good without you," Jim confesses, and it's hard and bitter to Spock's ears. "I'm less than I can be, when you're not there." The logic of symmetry is undeniable. Spock is powerless in the face of it. "It is the same for me."

What's new is the Vulcan bareness of him, the hard edge in his eyes. He's been pared down and sharpened into something else entirely. The revelation clenches in Jim's gut; Spock can never go back, never be the same; neither of them can.

Spock doesn't care if he's been missed or thought of or worried over. Spock needs to be needed, just as much as Jim himself.

He reaches up, frames Spock's face in his hands, tries to find enough breath to tell him everything, but can only manage to gasp, "tell me I'm not too late!" Spock's satchel slips from his suddenly nerveless fingers. "Stay here, with me," Jim whispers, breathing hard, shaky with adrenaline, and of course that's when security tackle him to the ground.

It's frustrated and desperate and maybe half disbelieving, but it's also pure magic. The taste, the pressure, the sheer audacity of finally admitting the permanency they want leaves them holding on for dear life.

Spock thinks of the mission to Solis-allera and the way everyone else had blinked and grumbled at their sixteen hour entrapment in an escape pod while Jim had slept on oblivious, head pillowed only on the arm of his EVA suit.

Spock reaches behind him to find the back of Jim’s head to cradle it with his fingers, holding the sound of his breathing as close as he can. Jim responds by shifting to press his lips into the hollow behind Spock’s ear, whispering of how needed Spock is, of how much he is loved, of how Jim knows he can live without this, but can’t imagine why he’d want to.

It had never been an issue aboard the Stalwart, with crisis after crisis popping up in the wake of their first, tumultuous coming together. Here, in the bright light of mid-morning, all the potential pitfalls are exposed. Both of them, apparently so ill-equipped for intimacy.

"I have never been more mentally at peace than I am when I am with you." Spock lays it out in such a quietly honest way that it makes Jim suddenly breathless. He's left standing, lips slightly parted, wondering if it's possible to blank his whole life and start over again from right there. "That has to be the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."

There is green everywhere, almost overwhelming to a Vulcan, and yet it still reminds him of the desert. The landscape is whittled down bare, like glistening bone. Spock can see some of that in Jim in this place, now so hunched and guarded, barely two steps ahead.

"I do not understand why we are here," Spock confesses, examining the neglected house with new interest now that he has inferred the connection to Jim's childhood. "You will." The fear rolling off Jim is clouding Spock's ability to think clearly. Bound by loyalty and a kind of morbid fascination, he follows Jim's tense shoulders into the abandoned house. The rooms are closed and dark, but Jim makes no move to open anything.

Spock wants to say something, but can find no suitable response. Nothing in his life has prepared him for this truth about Jim, or the sudden insight into the nature of intimidation, power and revenge.

He flashes back to that ocean on Vega, the first time he'd met Jim, because this, too, feels like drowning.

There is guilt so heavy it is suffocating and a sense of worthlessness that haunts his every failure. It is not enough to be good at something, he has to be the best. He has to keep running until he finds a place to call home.

The freedom to enjoy things without guilt is another thing he’s never had with anyone else. It's a pleasure that extends from the sauce dripping over his fingers to the way he can take off on his motorbike without wondering if that’s okay. Spock is always there when he gets back, and if he’s not, there's a message in his inbox or a neatly lettered note on the kitchen bench. Once, and Jim swears it wasn’t an accident, Spock left him a haiku in magnetic letters on the refrigerator.

Somehow, amongst all the viciousness of history, they find each other.

[electronickingdomfox]

Star Trek TOS slash bits (Season one)

This is my personal rundown of all the slash scenes in TOS season one. Actually, "slash" isn't an accurate descriptor, since slash was born after and because of Star Trek; but I didn't know how to call it otherwise. I've omitted episodes when I didn't find anything remarkable in them. And I've tried to be as objective as possible. Of course, this stuff depends a lot on the "eye of the beholder", so your mileage might vary.

-What I count: lingering touches or affectionate looks, clinginess, actions that show a strong concern/familiarity with each other, suggestive scenes...

-What I DON'T count: friendly gestures (like smiling or looking amused when someone says something funny), scenes taken out of context, physical proximity just because there's not enough space...

I'll try to illustrate some scenes when necessary, though screenshots usually don't do justice to it.

For season two, go here. For season three, go here.

The Corbomite Maneuver:

Spirk: Kirk tells Spock his explanations give him "emotional security" with a loving look. Spock appears a bit embarrassed. Not counting the scene where Kirk makes a video call while shirtless (funny as it may seem out of context), since that scene has nothing to do with Spock himself. He's just calling the bridge, not Spock in particular.

McKirk: McCoy surely likes to cling to the Captain's chair a lot. He gets really close for a good chunk of the episode.

Should I count the scene where he hides a red alert in sickbay, so Kirk can keep sweating shirtless in his med bed? On the one hand, it may seem suggestive, but on the other, McCoy is just anxious about finishing his medical exam on the Captain.

Spones: McCoy tells Spock (with a somewhat hopeful look) that he'd love to teach him strip poker. Remarkable because there's no hint of sarcasm at all, and Spock answers with a mischievous smile.

The Enemy Within

Spirk: The scene where Spock enters the cabin and seems so agitated by the sight of shirtless, absurdly sensual Kirk.

Also a bit at the end, when Kirk thanks Spock on behalf of his two... halves. He has the Look in his eyes.

McKirk: McCoy is again pretty close and physical with Kirk (the good one). He stops agreeing with Spock's logical plan to merge the two halves, as soon as they discover that it may put Kirk's life in danger.

The true couple of this episode, however, is Good Kirk x Evil Kirk.

The Man Trap

McKirk: The way Kirk tells McCoy that he's not counting his errors, and how he smiles and approaches him to apologize, comes off rather flirtatious.

Also, though he's joking, Kirk can't help offering McCoy the most shitty bouquet of flowers ever, and calling him by his pet name "Plum" at the first opportunity.

The Naked Time

Spirk: "Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I'm ashamed". Also at the end, when Spock asks Kirk if he's okay, but Kirk asks Spock about his wellbeing instead, with a loving expression in his face.

Balance of Terror

McKirk: The scene where Kirk is lying in bed and he invites McCoy to enter, and then they stare at each other with such fondness. On top of that McCoy makes a heartfelt speech about the uniqueness of all lives, and begs Kirk not to sacrifice himself.

What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Spirk: This may be a stretch, but Chapel implies that she can recognize the real Corby by his voice alone, because she's in love with him. Later, Spock guesses there's something wrong with Kirk just hearing him (actually an imitation of his voice made by an android). Apart from this, Kirk's way of ensuring that his android copy is recognized as a fake, is implanting in him mean remarks about Spock.

Dagger of the Mind

McKirk: Again, McCoy has to be all over Kirk's chair whenever he's in the bridge.

Spirk: At the end, Kirk ponders about loneliness, but then he looks at Spock, smiles, and seems to get better. Spock kind of returns the smile.

Besides this, Spock's mind meld with Van Gelder is rather... well... intense.

Miri

Spirk: A brief moment, but when Spock says "Whatever happens, I can't go back to the ship, and I do want to go back to the ship, Captain", he and Kirk exchange knowing looks, and Spock even smiles a bit.

Spones: Spock is very tender with McCoy while he's unconscious, after testing the vaccine on himself. He holds his hands for a looooong time.

The Galileo Seven

McKirk: McCoy still seems unable to talk with Kirk at a normal distance in the bridge. Granted, he gets so close because he's gossiping about Spock's emotional reaction. But that makes it even more gay.

Spirk: "Mister Spock, you're a stubborn man." In context, he's just teasing Spock like everybody else on the bridge, but in Kirk's case, it seems more affectionate.

Court Martial

Spirk: It's normal that a First Officer would be loyal to his Captain, and testify in his favor when his career is at stake. But Spock's comparison of Kirk's inability to make a mistake, with a hammer's inability to overcome gravity, is way too much, isn't it? Specially for someone who pretends to be as logical as Spock.

The Menagerie

McSpirk McCoy refuses to believe Spock is the culprit, despite damning evidence against him. And he's barely able to arrest him, sending him to his quarters instead of the brig. Kirk is more firm in his duties as Captain, but still considers the court martial against Spock as the most difficult time in his career. At one point, he almost wishes his shuttle failed, so he didn't have to confront Spock.

This episode also shows how crazy Spock can become to protect those he loves and respects (in this case, Pike). Motherfucker just committed mutiny in the Captain's face!

Shore Leave

Spirk At the very start, Spock stands behind the Captain's chair, and Kirk complains about pain in his back. A yeoman, also behind him, starts giving Kirk a back massage. And Kirk seems to be enjoying it quite a lot... until he discovers it's not Spock doing it. Then he orders the yeoman to stop, annoyed. Also later, when the airplane is shooting at Kirk and Spock, the two of them embrace and grab each other a lot. It doesn't help that Kirk has, as usual, his tits out.

The Squire of Gothos

Spirk The best way for Trelane to ensure Kirk's cooperation is threatening Spock at gunpoint. This changes Kirk's attitude to him at once.

There's also something seductive (and masochistic) in Kirk's promise to Trelane to give him all the excitement he wants with a manhunt game.

Arena

Spones "Doctor, you're a sensualist" "You bet your pointed ears I am..." It's not just what he says, it's how he says it.

There's also a little detail, when Spock raises from the Captain's chair, and Bones purposefully follows his hand with his fingers. It's strange. Might be an unconscious action on DeForest's part?

The Alternative Factor

McKirk A similar example as the previous "sensualist" one, but this time with Kirk.

Tomorrow is Yesterday

McKirk He can't stop doing this, can he?

Besides this, McCoy gets very anxious as soon as Kirk beams down to the airforce base, and argues with Spock because he feels the Science Officer isn't doing enough to retrieve Kirk from there.

Spirk Kirk hits a guard and hurts his hand a little, so Spock goes toward him and checks the poor baby's wrist.

However, nothing in this episode compares to the truly lustful looks that Kirk directs to Captain Christopher, when he first meets him.

The Return of the Archons

Spirk At the end, Kirk keeps looking at Spock with silly heart eyes, even though the conversation is a philosophical one, about the pros and cons of a society run by computers.

A Taste of Armageddon

Spirk "Captain, you almost make me believe in luck." "Why, Mister Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles." Bonus points because it comes absolutely from nowhere, since the day was saved by Kirk's power of bluff and special brand of diplomacy. Spock hasn't done anything particularly miraculous (well, there's the mind meld with the wall, but that was a brief moment). Spock also looks confused, and there's that comedic music in the background.

Space Seed

The only thing I can think of, is the tense scene between Kahn and McCoy in sickbay, when he grabs the doctor by the neck and says he likes brave men. Followed by McCoy's statement that Kahn has a certain "magnetism, almost electric". The final confrontation between Kirk and Kahn is also a bit suggestive at times.

This Side of Paradise

Spones MCCOY: That didn't sound at all like Spock, Jim. KIRK: No. I thought you said you might like him if he mellowed a little. MCCOY: I didn't say that. KIRK: You said that. MCCOY: Not exactly. He might be in trouble.

Notice how quick Bones denies having said he might like Spock... Almost as if embarrassed. Does he think often about how Spock could be more to his liking?

Spirk It's possible to see some jealousy from Kirk about Spock and Leila's relationship. In particular during the fight, when he confronts Spock about his courtship of Leila. That came a bit out of nowhere. On the other hand, I disagree with the common idea that his parting from Leila has spirk undertones. On the contrary, he's just talking about his responsibility to the ship and "that man on the bridge" (the Captain; first Pike, now Kirk). And I think there's genuine regret in his abandonment of the simple happiness in the colony, to take care of these responsibilities. His mention of "purgatory" reinforces that.

The Devil in the Dark

Spirk Spock is very protective of Kirk in this episode. First, he invents some bullshit excuse to stay in the cave with him, instead of helping Scotty with the reactor (Kirk sees through his bullshit, by the way). Then he's quite unwilling to proceed separately through the tunnels. And finally, he gets really emotional when Kirk's alone with the horta, and asks him to kill the creature, even though Spock was the one who wanted to protect her first. Apart from this, Kirk supports Spock for a while, after being hurt by the mind meld with the horta.

Errand of Mercy

One name: Kor. Interesting that the episode that introduced Klingons, did so by showing their commander lusting so much after Kirk. Kor checks Kirk out almost from the second he lays eyes upon him, tells him he'll "teach him how to use his tongue", invites him to a drink while Kirk sits suggestively, and both are somehow fascinated by their similarities as commanders (despite their opposite outlooks on life). Definitely one of the most obvious examples in season one.

City on the Edge of Forever

Spirk This exchange:

SPOCK: Interesting. Where would you estimate we belong, Miss Keeler? EDITH: You? At his side, as if you've always been there and always will.

Some people have said that, since Spock's computer contraption occupies one bed, Kirk and Spock would need to sleep together on the other bed. I don't agree though; I see no reason why they couldn't move the thing to the floor at night. It's not that big.

McSpirk How they run to embrace Bones when they finally find him. Even Spock is overcome by emotion.

Operation: Annihillate!

McSpirk Both Kirk and McCoy are very concerned about Spock having lost his sight (much more than Spock himself). Though they react differently. McCoy is heartbroken and blames himself. Kirk reacts with anger and lashes out at Bones, which makes him feel even more guilty. Though later he apologizes. There's also this scene where the three get ridiculously pressed together.

Doesn't count in part, because there's not that much space. McCoy didn't need to come bumping into the other two, though (someone could have moved a bit forward).

Spones McCoy is offended about Spock not appreciating his face upon recovering sight, and complains that he just can't recognize beauty. He's also quite embarrassed because Spock heard him saying he was the best officer in Starfleet.

Summary

Spirk: 16 out of 29 episodes Spones: 5/29 McKirk: 8/29 McSpirk: 3/29

[ashc-from-ao3]

Trouble with a Vulcan

Spock x female reader

Spock was sitting on his t'hy'la's couch waiting for her to return, the enterprise crew was on a two week shore leave and (name) had decided to make the most of it. She went back to her home town to enjoy the scenery, the town was a small rural community and little trouble came it's way. So when (name) said she was going out for a walk only moments before he thought nothing of it. He snooped around for something to do until she returned and came apon her dvd's of old earth movies and shows. Most he deemed illogical but one seemed to hold a value in his sharp mind. Jeopardy. The viewer gained knowledge from watching and knowledge to a vulcan was always exciting. He put in the first disc and sat back.

-----(name)'s pov-------

(name) Was smiling brilliantly the young woman bounced along the streets reacquainting herself with the town. She was walking down a alleyway when a large thuggish man stepped out of the shadows. She went to turn around but her path was cut off by another man.

"Well hello darling. What is a thing like you doing all by yourself?" (name) tried to go past the first man but she was knocked to the ground and her vision blurred before she blacked out

-----spock's pov------

Spock had sat through four episodes of jeopardy, he knew most of the answers and only two were unknown to the half vulcan. He was now starting to worry about (name) she had been gone two hours. The town was not that large, she should be back. He was just getting ready to search for her when the door slammed open, it closed just as quick and the deadbolt was turned into place with a heavy *thunk* followed by a second *thunk* signalling the locking of the other lock. Spock reached the door and saw (name) slumped on the ground. Her hair was matted with mud and blood. Her cloths wear torn and she had several bleeding scrapes and rapidly forming bruises. She was panting and shaking, spock made it over to her faster than he ever had before. He helped to to stand and held her at arm's length

" (name) what happened?" (name) whimpered and tried to snuggle into spock but he held her away from him so he could observe her,

"I went down a alleyway and some men......." (name) trailed off unable to answer, instead she looked up at Spock hoping to find anger in his gaze, anger towards her attackers at least . She knew of the precision driven power in her boyfriend's body and she would love to see him vulcan nerve pinch the two men. However when she gazed at him, he showed nothing not a flicker of concern,anger or even pity...nothing. Since they had started dating Spock had been more lenient with his emotions around (name),he was still as logical as ever but he let her see the human side he so often tried to hide from others. The fact he showed no emotions scared her.

"So you feel nothing after hearing that your girlfriend was attacked? Not a sliver of anger? NOTHING?" The woman was horrified by the fact Spock was still unresponsive. She removed her arms from his still frozen grasp,unlocked the door and fled going to the one place she felt she would be safe, her best friend scotty's house. She flung open the door and fell sobbing into the engineers arms as she explained what happen. Scotty's face did contort in anger and the Scotsman started swearing in his thick accent, that only got thicker as he got angrier .

Meanwhile Spock had finally managed to compute that someone who was not him had dared to touch what was his dared to harm what was clearly marked as his. He was logical and calculating and when it came to the bedroom he was just as thorough when giving (name) love bites around her neck as he was when saving the enterprise from one of kirk's hair brained schemes. The bites clearly stated she was his, his to touch and no one else's. Anger finally came though quickly followed by worry and then confusion as (name) was no where to be found. He quickly thought of the other members of the enterprise crew who she would go to. He searched each crew members house down to places where she would never get to and then he finally figured it out, Mr.Scott! (Name) and Mr,Scott wear close she would definitely go to him in a time of need.

Spock frantically banged on Mr.Scott's door and when he opened it the Scotsmen knew instantly what was up.

"Mr.spock, she asked me not to let you in but I can see you need to speak to each other." Mr, Scott moved aside and pointed at the closed bathroom door.

"Cleaning up" was his only explanation. Spock needed no more promoting and. Instantly he was by the door.

"T'hy'la? You you there? I must speak with you about my actions." He heard a muffled Russian swear,curtesy of Chekov and Scotty drinking nights, followed by a soft sigh, he held his breath hoping she would for once be logical about her actions and let him explain. She was. (name) opened the door carefully and dressed in only her undergarments and a oversized bathrobe. She sighed heavily and dragged him into the bathroom.

"T'hy'la I mu-" Spock was cut off by her placing her hand on his mouth before she lent forward and kissed him

"Spock it's okay, I was over emotional and I overreacted. I couldn't expect you to fully understand what I said in the four seconds I gave you. I am sorry I reacted very unlogically." Spock looked at (name) and enveloped her in a comforting hug

"You never react logically, it is one of the reasons I love you."he whispered as he gently drew his large hands up and down her back and sides in a comforting action. Eventually (name) started calming and she giggled happily at having her vulcan back in her arms and being back in his.

(name) leaned up and kissed Spock with all the passion and love she could muster, Spock quickly returned the kiss and his hands had started to roam over the woman's tiny body, suddenly a loud "ahem" broke the couple apart. (name) Flushed red and Spock's face was flushed as well Scotty stood in the doorway of the bathroom a smug grin on his face.

"Now I am glad ye are back togetha but could ye please do that at home?"

(name) Name smiled and leaned into Spock as he wrapped his arms around her protectively he leaned his head by her ear and whispered

"It would be illogical to continue this with someone watching but we will most certainly continue this later."

[to-boldly-nope]

Like Crazy (Peck!Spock x Reader)

Plot: just...angsty pining

Words: 566

Warnings: drinking, brief mentions of making out (so slight nsfw), angst, self-angst(?)

A/N: Hey!!! First of all, if you've read that one post about the reason why I stopped writing, I'm here to say everything is still OK between me and my fiance and we plan on getting married in October! Second, it's been a while, like I don't know how long, maybe 2 years? Maybe 3? How's it going! And third, my dad started watching Strange New Worlds and holy shit Ethan Peck is...woah...(in a good way..obv)

Another A/N: If yall see me posting a lot just message me and tell me to get back to my school work because I'm a master procrastinator.

You sit at the bar on the ship, watching as the people party and drink and you do too, well, you drink. You watch as Christine flirt with Spock for the umpteenth time tonight, he looks bored as he makes eye contact with you from across the room. Was he actually uninterested or did he just look like that? You take another shot. 

You see Spock walk up to you and you grimace softly. “Too much Christine?” 

“Indeed,” he simply said. I try to sit up, but I sway softly. Was the ship unbalanced or were you drunk? You couldn’t even tell until Spock’s hands steadied you. His face was blank, but his eyes were concerned. “You’re intoxicated.” 

“I’m not. Why do you care?” 

“You are a valued member of this crew,” he said, his voice deep like always and it sent shivers down your spine. This wasn’t even right. Spock shouldn’t be caught in the middle of whatever was going on. Between you and Christine pining after him, trying to win his affection. You swore that there was something there for you in his eyes. He always had a softer look, a softer voice, a softer touch. You don’t want this to end, but if you kept on being a coward then Christine would win him over first. 

“Right,” you say with an eye roll. 

“I mean it, (Y/N),” he whispered and the shiver returned again. 

~

You don’t remember when you made it into the science lab with Spock. Maybe it was adrenaline or maybe you were drunk, but those thoughts went away as Spock pressed you against the table. 

“Don’t wake me,” you mumbled against his lips. 

“What was that?” Spock asked while pulling away. 

You just shake your head. You were scared of that one wrong thing and you’d wake up from this dream. You’d wake up and Spock would realize that you didn’t deserve any of this and he should be with someone like Christine and not some tough security officer. Someone who matches his intellect and can have conversations and requires logic and not force, but you could do that too. What’s the difference between you and her anyway? You can be logical and intellectual too. You seem to be viewing yourself from outside of your body, like a reflection. You see yourself wrap your legs around his waist as he easily lifts you up on the table, making some of the glasses fall to the floor and shatter. 

You’re afraid that everything will disappear. Maybe he’s just here to help numb the pain, the pining. Maybe he made his choice and decided that he wanted you and not Christine, she was leaving for the Fellowship after all. Maybe this wasn’t a dream after all. 

You let him lean into you, placing kisses against your neck, one of his hands holding your thigh and the other resting on your lower back, holding you up, making sure you don’t touch any of the broken glass. Your hands go towards his uniform shirt, grasping it.

~

You wake up in your bed, the skin on your neck tingling softly from where you dreamed of the kisses and the bites. You take a minute to ground yourself, making sure that you are awake and aware, your fingers slowly touching the tingling skin. 

“Alone again,” you hissed to yourself, wiping away tears, “what’s the point?” 

[afteriwake]

A Moment In Captivity (An "...A Children Make Four" Story)

So I have owed this story to @greenskyoverme for a while, but I finaly had everything align and my writers block fade enough to get almost 1000 words of AOS!Spirk out. Hopefully you enjoy it, hun!

A Moment In Captivity - Kirk and Spock are at the mercy of a newly discovered alien race and have a conversation about their future together as they sit in captivity.

READ @ AO3 | SERIES PAGE

Kirk shook the bars again, or at least tried to, but they were solid and didn’t move. It was almost barbaric, to be locked in an underground cave in a cell with iron bars. It seemed so uncivilized. But there he and Spock were, kept captive by a newfound race while the ruling party of this civilization debated whether they would pose a threat.

There were times he knew he should follow the Prime Directive more closely. This was definitely one of them.

“Captain, you should reserve your energy and not appear angry with our captors,” Spock said. “It would be in our best interest.”

Kirk sighed and then moved away from the bars, sitting on the solitary bench in the cell next to Spock. “I know you’re right, but this is so frustrating. We thought this part of the planet was uninhabited like the rest of the planet, and now we’re prisoners.” He leaned his head back against the wall and tilted it, shutting his eyes. “One day I’m going to leave you on the Enterprise so Sulu doesn’t have to take the conn so often.”

Even though Kirk didn’t see it, Spock’s lips quirked up slightly in the semblance of a grin. “He is a good commander in your place, Captain.”

“But you’re the First Officer, Spock. I’s suppose to be your job to run the ship when I got off ship.”

“But you enjoy my company, Captain.”

Kirk sighed, then opened his eyes and lifted his head. He saw the faint smile on Spock’s face and ran his fingers tentatively across Spock’s palm. He could see Spock relax at the intimate touch, and he himself felt calmer. It was true; he reveled in Spock’s company these days, ever since they had admitted that there was more to the relationship between them than friendship. When Spock and Uhura had broken up and then they’d fought Krall and the Enterprise had had to be rebuilt, there had been a lot of uncertainty whether Spock would stay in Starfleet at all. One evening had changed Spock’s mind, though, when Kirk had impulsively kissed him and asked him to stay, for him.

Spock had stayed, and their friendship had slowly, cautiously, bloomed into an actual relationship.

They maintained a mostly professional bearing between them when they were around others, but they didn’t exactly hide their relationship, either. They maintained separate quarters, but provided they survived this predicament, they had talked about Spock moving into his apartment when they got back to San Francisco. There was talk of both of them retiring from active duty in Starfleet and Kirk taking the status of Admiral that had been offered and Spock going back to the Academy to teach, and marriage and children…

He wanted his future to be better than the bleakness they were currently faced with, dammit.

Spock moved to grasp Kirk’s hand and held it tight, and Kirk leaned his head into Spock’s shoulder. “Do you think we’re going to rot in this cell?” Kirk asked, a tinge of worry creeping into his voice.

“No. If they are serious about us posing a threat to their civilization, I’m sure we’ll be executed.”

“You are really bad at this comforting thing, Spock,” Kirk said.

“I do not thin they will find us a threat. The shuttle we were in was not equipped with weaponry we did not have phasers on our person, and if they are observing us now, we are not acting irrational.”

“Okay, that was better,” Kirk said, squeezing Spock’s hand lightly. Spock responded by turning his head and pressing a kiss to Kirk’s head. “I think I’m getting too old for this.”

“We only have another six months before we return to San Francisco. I think you will miss being captain only if you do not find something to occupy your time. Perhaps you could join me in teaching at the Academy.”

“That could be nice,” Kirk said with a slight not, his head still balanced on Spock’s shoulder. “And you’re sure you want to move in with me?”

“Yes,” Spock said. “It’s the most logical decision, with my home having memories of my relationship with Nyota and your apartment being larger.”

“Is Uhura going to stay there when you move out?”

“No. We’ve extended our lease until we return, but she will be finding a new residence as well.” He paused. “You do know she fully supports our relationship?”

“I had thought so, but I’m glad to know for sure. I hope she finds happiness too, though. She shouldn’t end up alone once we get back home.”

“I don’t think she should be alone for long either. She is a good, gracious woman, and she deserves all that life can offer her.”

“Maybe I should set her up on some blind dates,” Kirk said thoughtfully. That elicited a soft chuckle from Spock, and Kirk lifted his head up to look at his t'hy'la. “What? You don’t think I have good taste?”

“On the contrary. You chose me, after all.”

For some reason, even despite the situation they were in, this amused Kirk so much he began to laugh. “Oh, Spock, don’t ever change.”

Spock looked as though he was about to reply when a cleared throat could be heard from the bars. Kirk and Spock both turned to see their jailer had unlocked the cell doors and was holding them open. “If you go back aboard your ship immediately and leave the planet, you’re free to go,” he said.

“That works for me,” Kirk said, standing up, still holding Spock’s hand. “Let’s get back to the Enterprise, Spock.”

Spock nodded and squeezed Kirk’s hand before letting go and leading their way out of the cell. Someone had decided to give them a shot at a future, and Kirk knew he was going to make the most of it.

[mystery-star]

Sure Bet - Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral) 

Warnings: swearing 

Words: 2277

A/N: Just a short idea I’ve head when reading @sachiko1309 's Spock fanfiction yesterday. Hope you don't mind me tagging you, no need to read if you dont' want to lol.

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms! 

- 

“What?!” your friend and Captain almost exclaimed, making most of the people in the rec room look at you. Sometimes being with Jim when he was drunk wasn’t fun. “You mean you never kissed someone?” he took another sip from his drink as if to overcome the disbelief. 

“Of course I did” you defended yourself “It just only were people that I was in a relationship with” and you only were in your second relationship so there was that. 

“Well, we gotta change that” he said with a conspirational glance to his friend Bones. You too glanced at the doctor but he didn’t seem as enthusiastic and said he wouldn’t want to force you to do anything. “No, no that’s not what I meant” he looked back at you “We just should make it... attractive for you” 

“Meaning what?” 

“Well....” he rubbed his nose “let’s say that next time you come to the bridge to deliver a report, you can kiss someone on the bridge. And if you do, I swear I will wear a female uniform with a skirt for three days” 

“You mean kiss someone while on duty?” he shrugged 

“Better than while being drunk, huh?” you raised your eyebrows. Not because you disagreed with the whole idea. After all, your current relationship was with Commander Spock after all who did work on the bridge. 

“And what if I won’t kiss anyone?” 

“Then I’d say the next drinks are on you” 

“The drinks on the ship are free” you reminded him  

“I meant back on a planet or so. What say you?” he finished his drink. 

“I mean... just three days? Does the time you wear it depend on who I kiss or how I kiss them?” 

“Okay here’s the rules. The kiss has to be on the mouth. If you kiss someone you’re friends with it’s gonna be three days. If it’s someone else or you know... making out, I’ll wear it for a week. Also you can’t kiss me. I don’t count. Or Bones if he’s there. But anyone else” 

“We’re not including Spock in this are we? He’d not only find it very illogical but probably also finds a dozen rules that forbid this” Leonard asked and Jim turned to him 

“Tell you what Bones, (Y/N) actually has the guts to kiss him, I wear the dress ten days” trying to hide your smile you nipped at your drink. After all he would definitely be the one you kissed. Not your fault if no one knew of your relationship and Jim was raising the stakes himself.  

“You’re on” you said. “But it hasn’t to be tomorrow. In the course of the week” 

“Deal” 

- 

The next day you needed to deliver a report to the bridge but to your dismay the Captain was nowhere to be seen. Well, now you had to come back another time. 

“Yeoman?” you heard Spock ask from the Captain’s chair 

“I have the reports, sir” you told him “I was just wondering what to do since the Captain isn’t here. Do you think it’s possible I’ll leave them for him and pick them up later? Or will you sign them?” you hoped he’d say no to the latter. 

“According to the Captain he should be back shortly”  

“Alright” you said, almost thrusting the PADD into his hands “I’ll come and get them back in a bit”  

“Very well” Spock said and you gave a nod, stepping back into the turbolift and letting out a deep breath when it went down. Part of you wished it would already be over. It wasn’t the kiss you were nervous about but Spock’s reaction. Not because you had agreed to keep the relationship a secret, in fact you were planning to let others know soon but to just do it so sudden and kiss him so openly when you hadn’t shared that many kisses - Vulcan or human ones – before. 

- 

When you returned to the bridge an hour later Bones was there too and you weren’t sure if you were happy about it or not. Sure he would give you hell for kissing Spock but you also knew how much he would tease Jim when you did. 

“Yeoman” the Captain greeted you “I bet you’re here for the reports” 

“I am. But not just that” you added the second part a little quieter. He handed you the PADD and as was regulation you quickly checked the signature before giving a nod. Instead of leaving directly as you usually did, unless there was something else you had to do on a particular day, you decided to walk a short circle on the bridge so your two friends wouldn’t know who you’d kiss right away. Oh, you could feel almost all eyes on you because even those that didn’t know of the bet were wondering what you did but suddenly you found you didn’t care. Of course the only who didn’t seem to have noticed what was going on was Spock. Only when you stopped in front of him did he look up and you threw a quick last glance to Jim and Bones, the first looking a little pale and it wouldn’t have surprised you if he jumped up at that moment and retreated from the bet in that moment. 

“Is there something you require from me, Yeoman?” Spock asked.  

“Kind of” you said quietly and looked at him “I know this may be a bit weird and illogical and I’m sorry” you heard Bones snort but there was a huge smile on his face. Slowly you placed your hands on Spock’s arms, slowly leaning in because even if you were in a relationship you would not force him into a kiss just for a bet. He didn’t move and still stood there ramrod straight. But not because he was not okay with what you were doing, this was a different kind of stiffness. More one of confusion. You got onto your tiptoes and when he realized what you were going to do and didn’t pull back, a sign he wasn’t in the mood for a kiss you ignored his questioning ‘Yeoman’ and placed your lips on his. Of course he didn’t do much to respond but it wasn’t that he did nothing because he leant closer and his hands went to your hips. 

“That’s not fair!” Jim’s yell made you break apart and your boyfriend was quick to get a professional distance to you again but there still was some fondness and confusion in his glance.  

“Might I inquire the reason for this seemingly spontaneous display of affection; in public nonetheless?” he had lowered his voice, obviously not wanting the others to hear. You gave a shrug not wanting to tell him the truth right now. 

“I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or something but... I just wanted to. And you said you’re okay with letting others know so... well. Might not have been the best moment” he raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything for a while 

“Wait a moment” Bones said “Am I missing something there?” he pointed at the two of you and now everyone was looking even more intensely if that even was possible. But you were glad that no one said anything at least. “Are you two...?” you glanced at Spock to see if he was okay if you confirmed 

“Doctor, I believe question is lacking the inquired element” 

“Don’t make me say it, pointy. Are you two.... you know...?” he made a gesture with his hand 

“I must admit that I am not familiar with sign language and therefore still could not understand what exactly you wish to find out” of course your boyfriend seemed the only one who was still unaware of what Bones was trying to ask and even though you felt bad for him it made you also feel better because maybe the kiss now didn’t' seem too strange anymore 

“A thing okay?” the doctor spat “Dating. Courting. Seeing each other. Having an affair.” 

“While I cannot fully differentiate between all of these human terms for being in a relationship you are quite correct doctor” 

“You knew this” Jim shouted at you 

“Why yes,” you answered “seeing that I am in the relationship it’s obvious that I know of it” 

“I’m not gonna say how much you just sounded like Spock” Bones muttered making you smile. Meanwhile other bridge members were starting to congratulate you or ask question as to how and when you got together. Somehow you were glad that Spock reminded them that they still were on duty and this was something they could discuss after the shift. The Captain then made it an order that everyone got back to work 

“That goes for you too, Yeoman” you only nodded and then left the bridge. 

- 

Early the following morning Bones was at your door 

“What is it?” you asked, fearing there was some kind of emergency 

“Nothing, I just figured you might like to come to the bridge and see to it that the Captain honors his part of the bet” 

“Oh right” you smiled “give me some minutes to get ready” of course the topic you talked about on the way to the bridge was your relationship with the First Officer. Luckily the way wasn’t that long that you could only answer three questions and then were on the bridge. Jim wasn’t here yet, which was good because you needed to see the other’s reactions. Spock seemed confused what you were doing here because your shift only would start in an hour. 

“Just watch and see Spock, this is gonna be good” Bones said with a smirk. After a couple of minutes that seemed like an eternity, the door to the turbolift opened and out of it stepped Jim Kirk, in a short sleeved, yellow female skirt-uniform with his coffee in his hands 

“Keptain on...” Chekov started and then let out a hiccup and others too were staring at the Captain. Some tried to hide their smiles, others pretended they were focused on their screens and not looking at all and Spock of course commented it with the raise of an eyebrow. 

“Good morning” Jim said nonchalantly, obviously trying to play it cool and sat down on the chair, trying to adjust the skirt making you giggle. “Is there a problem?” he asked staring daggers at the people who looked at him. 

“You look lovely Jim” Bones chocked out before laughing and it broke the spell and almost the whole bridge crew did the same.  

“How come?” Sulu asked nodding at his superior’s uniform. 

“You can thank Spock being in a relationship for that”  

“Captain, I fail to understand how my relationship correlates with your choice of clothing, especially seeing that both your demeanor and tone suggest you are neither comfortable nor pleased with it” 

“Spock tell me isn’t there a Starfleet regulation against bets?” oh no he was not getting out of this and you threw a glance at Spock but luckily he was already citing the relevant articles, saying that bets per se weren’t forbidden and only gambling or making bets while on duty or cheating were not allowed as well as hosting big tournaments on a Starfleet facilities even with an official license and the like. “That’s not helping. There’s gotta be something. Like... holding back information and making me raise the stakes” 

“I would believe the term is a ‘bluff’ which is permitted during gambling or making bets. It is up to the participating individual to determine the stakes as well as the decision to withdraw should uncertainty arise. Once the wages are made however, I believe it is imperative for humans that they do not withdraw” 

“Tell him Spock” Bones cheered, making the Commander glance at him. 

“Well, then tell me Spock isn’t it highly illogical to make a bet about a we wearing another uniform if (Y/N) kisses someone?” 

“Yes Captain, I do agree. However, as I have noticed previously humans tend to take a multitude of illogical actions. In this particular case, while I do not know all the facts, I believe that it would be met with societal disapproval should you retreat. Especially seeing that you are the Captain of this ship and therefore vowed to uphold proper conduct and be a role model” 

“Spock, I think that’s the first time I wholeheartedly agree with you. Couldn’t have said it better” 

“Fuck it Spock. I don’t think this uniform is proper conduct or being a role model. Do tell, is there any regulation that forbids to wear a wrong uniform?” 

“The Starfleet Uniform Code clearly states that each commissioned officer or cadet must wear a proper and official uniform displaying the correct colors and rank of their current position. A certain degree of personalization may be permitted under a superior officer, such as wearing cultural or personal jewelry but must be met with approval in some cases. Since there is no article that restricts certain uniform types to a specific gender or even species and you yourself have authorized such personalizations, I can assure you that your choice of uniform does not deviate from any regulation” 

“In plain speech Jim, no way of arguing your way out of there” Bones ‘translated’.  

“Oh, just you wait” the Captain growled “I’m so gonna get back at you for this. And at (Y/N) and Spock too. You better watch your backs” Spock threw you a glance, obviously not sure what Jim meant and you only gave a shrug, deciding this was your time to take your leave from the bridge. 

[kvothes]

24 for exR or 29 for K/S or kirk/spock/bones?

kirk/spock -> AS A PROMISE:

Jim carries regrets lightly. He’ll weigh his starship down if he carries stones in his stomach, so he doesn’t. His regrets have names within him; they don’t overrun or overwhelm him. 

Right now, he regrets the fact that he hasn’t had a chance to really speak to Spock in the last 11.7 hours. He’s taking it with him off the ship: he’s beaming down to extract two lieutenants and three ensigns from a hostage situation, and his chances of success are not very good, and there won’t be time for any talking now. 

“I must repeat my request that you delegate this mission to another,” Spock says to him, as they stride towards the transporter room together. “Preferably myself.”

“Request denied,” Jim says. “The Severans already know me, which hopefully means they’ll hear me out. I don’t want to see how they’d react to an unfamiliar face at this juncture.”

“Your logic is sound,” Spock says stiffly. “Though it pains me to admit it.”

Jim aches. He lets no flash of it appear on his face. Spock isn’t the only one who can hang onto his composure; Jim would never have become captain if he lost his head under pressure. “I know, Spock,” he says, quiet, his one concession. 

They’ve reached the transporter room. A redshirt is there with a phaser for Jim; a tech is waiting at the controls. Jim will beam down alone, give diplomacy his best shot, and go down fighting if he must. He takes the phaser. Spock stands next to the transporter tech, where he’ll certainly stay until Jim beams back aboard.

If Jim beams back aboard. 

11.7 hours previously, Spock came to Jim in his quarters. He stood with his hands folded behind his back. He informed his captain that he, Spock, had come to harbor a hitherto unforeseen and unexpected level of regard for Jim and that he felt it would prudent to make Jim aware of it. 

Jim had grinned at his first officer, his friend, and said Prudent, Spock? What would you have me do about it? It was then, however, that the red alert sounded, and the intervening hours had been full of increasingly desperate negotiations to get the Severans to return the hostage crew members. 

Spock’s regard, such as it was, had understandably gone unaddressed in that time. Jim is uncertain now if he will ever be able to address it. It is very heavy within him. 

Jim must step up to the transporter pad. He looks at the redshirt and the tech. He looks at Spock. “Mallory, Giotto,” he says, making a sudden decision. “Close your eyes. Twenty seconds. Allow me a moment.”

They blink at him first, slightly surprised, then do as they’re told. Jim crosses to Spock. Spock reaches for him and says, “You will return.”

“I’ll do my best,” Jim says. “I swear.” He kisses Spock. One hard press of the mouth, less than he wants, more than he should allow himself. If he’s going to his death, he wants one less regret in his stomach. 

Spock kisses him back. His hand touches Jim's hand. They part at the same moment, mindful of their duty.

“Gentlemen,” Jim, says, stepping to the transporter pad. “Ready.” Giotto and Mallory blink their eyes open, keeping their faces impassive. The latter readies his hands on the transporter controls.

Jim looks at Spock. Their eyes meet and hold. “Energize," Jim says.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

Not too long after Captain Spock's miraculous resurrection, Montgomery Scott approached the freshly-demoted Captain Kirk, PADD in hand.

"What's this?" the Captain asked, taking it.

"It's a wee schematic I was hopin' you'd approve, sir. For the Enterprise," Scotty said. He tried not to look too evasive, but acting was never one of his strong suits, and Kirk had long since grown wise to his tells, so he wasn't terribly optimistic.

Sure enough, "I can see that, Scotty," Kirk said, raising both his eyebrows in mild amusement. "I'd like to know what it's for."

For a moment, Scotty was silent, debating how to broach the topic. The Captain was much improved now, after Spock's return (and the return of the bulk of his memory), but for a while there-

Well.

Scotty could understand how the death of a husband could tear someone to pieces. The wound was still raw; too recent and too fresh. That kind of grief didn't just up and disappear, even if the cause for it did. It lingered. If one paid attention - as the crew of the Enterprise did - it was easy to catch the deep weariness that crept into Kirk's eyes when he thought no one was looking, or the way he tensed up every time Spock was out of sight.

He'd been avoiding Engineering, too.

Scotty could understand. Sometimes, he wanted to, too, when the memories rose too close to the surface. So many good officers had died down there over the years, and Captain Spock was the best of them all.

Still, as sensitive as the subject may be, this was important.

"It's a proposal for changes to the warp core," he said. He kept his voice steady, hoping it would keep Kirk steady, too. "To make it safer."

For a moment, the Captain just stared at him, a tangle of emotion just barely visible past that mask of command he so often wore.

"This-" Kirk's voice wavered, and he swallowed before continuing. "This is... for Spock?"

"Aye, sir," Scotty said. He'd started work on it the very night of the Captain's death. "No one will e'er have to suffer the same fate. The fact that it happened in the first place-" Scotty shook his head, mournful. "I could hardly forgive myself. I should 'ave seen the risk."

"Scotty," Kirk breathed, "this is..." Awe and gratitude filled his face as he paged through the files on the PADD. His gaze snapped upwards, meeting Scotty's. "Approved, Captain," he said, clapping Scotty warmly on the shoulder. "And... thank you."

If the Captain's eyes were brimming with unshed tears, Scotty politely ignored them.

"Aye, Captain," he said, beaming widely, then went to get started.

[branwenjade]

They shouldn't be doing this. Jim knows that they really shouldn't be doing this, not right now, not when Bones is sure he'll be able to fix things and get Jim back to his proper self.

But the looks that Spock had been giving Jim since the... accident... were practically pornographic, and Jim was only human.

The feeling of Spock's hands on his body, holding Jim tightly by the hips as he takes Jim with an intensity that makes Jim want to weep from joy and sorrow at the same time. He's selfish and greedy and knows that when Bones eventually puts him back correctly that he'll never feel this again, that Spock will return to being nothing but his first officer. It kills him a little inside to want the man so much and know he can't have him.

It started normally, a random mission, and Jim having an allergic reaction to something on the planet they were visiting, causing Jim to beam up alone. Except when he rematerialized on the transporter pad, he was a she. It's been almost a month since the unfortunate accident and Jim is halfway believing that he'll never be fixed.

Jim had noticed Spock's attraction to his (temporary) new body within the day, and had tried to keep his own attraction hidden, just as he'd done for years now. But Spock seemed to be even more at his side than normal, standing closer than he usually did.

And then, one morning in the turbolift Spock had paused it and Jim found himself pressed up against the wall, Spock's fingers in his hair as he was kissed breathless. Jim had spent the entire shift in a daze, and by the time he returned to his quarters had been so worked up that it barely took him any time to orgasm. Then Spock had just casually entered his quarters through their joint bathroom, taking the hand that Jim had used to pleasure himself in his own, bringing the fingers to that mouth that distracted Jim so often, and began to lick and suck on the digits, his eyes never leaving Jim's.

After that it was impossible to keep their hands off of each other, and it killed Jim a little each time they made love because he knew that it wouldn't last, that as soon as he was back in his real body that Spock would go back to how things were before. Yet Jim can't help but allow the attention, the affection, the desire that Spock is choosing to give him at this point, even if it hurts because this is just an illusion of what could be, if Jim was different.

"You're troubled," Spock whispered into his ear, "what draws your attention from me, Ashayam?"

Jim closed his eyes, head down, trying to get out of his own head, trying to enjoy the feelings Spock made him feel, trying to memorize the way Spock felt buried inside him, making him moan and tremble and gasp. He couldn't tell Spock the truth, couldn't guilt him into continuing this... relationship... mutual lust... friends with benefits... whatever this was to Spock, not when he knew it wasn't what Spock really wanted.

"I'm good. Nothing's wrong, Spock," Jim finally answered, realizing that not even he believed the words he spoke.

"You're not good or fine or any other variation on that term. Please, Jim, talk to me," there was a quiet desperation in Spock's voice that broke Jim's heart even more than it already was.

"I love you... I fell in love with you and I can't keep you. Bones will fix me and then... and then this will be over and I... I'll be alone again. I didn't want you to know, didn't want you to feel... obligated to... staying with someone who you aren't attracted to. I tried to... I knew where I stood with you before... I was fine, I was..."

"Jim," the name was whispered softly, and Jim couldn't bring himself to look at Spock. "I haven't been honest with you. I've been selfish. I wanted you so much, you overwhelmed me from the moment we met. But I had never seen you show any interest in another man, so I... neglected to tell you of my affection and attachment to you. I should have explained myself, especially now, but you let me touch you like this, you let me in, you let me have you as my own, and I wanted to keep you for as long as I was able to... as long as you would let me be yours."

"Spock? Please don't tell me that we've both been idiots."

"We have infact both been idiots. Though I do ask for your forgiveness."

Jim looked him in the eyes, "What did you do?"

Spock takes a deep breath before speaking, "I located the proper sequence to put you back to your proper self two weeks after the accident. I have... I have not told anyone that I have located that information. I wanted to, I couldn't give you up, I couldn't... If this was the only way to get to have you, to be able to hold you in my arms, to be able to make love to you as I have longed for since we met... I know that it's selfish and I have done you a great disservice. Please, I beg of you, forgive me."

Jim laughed, he couldn't help it, it was warm and comforting and a little unhinged, "Please tell me that you haven't been sabotaging Bones' attempts to fix me. You have, haven't you. I've been feeling so damn selfish myself. Wanted you for so long, and figured that this was the only way... I knew I was allergic to that plant, I knew what would happen if I had a reaction... The combination of my medicines, that pollen, and the transporter... I just wanted to... I wanted you to see me."

Spock stared at him with a look that could only be described as awe mixed with embarrassment, "It seems that the two of us are both limited in our communication skills when it comes to each other."

Jim chuckled softly, giving Spock a small kiss that quickly grew in intensity and passion, and soon the only sounds were their mutual moans and gasps of pleasure.

[anonymousewrites]

Logos and Pathos (Book 4) Chapter Twenty

TOS! Spock x Empath! Spouse! Reader

Chapter Twenty: Whale Rescue

Summary: The crew makes a plan for whale-napping.

            “How have you been feeling, Spock?” asked (Y/N), sitting down beside him within the Bounty.

            “Adequate,” said Spock.

            “What about your mind?” said (Y/N).

            Spock considered. “Things are still…different, at times. I admit I must still adjust. However—” He touched their hand, smoothing his fingers down to theirs. (Y/N)’s heart skipped a beat. “—Never doubt my heart remains with you, T’hy’la.”

            “Even if your mind isn’t the same?” said (Y/N) softly.

            “My mind merely has gaps. Those will heal with time,” said Spock. “But the moment I awoke on Genesis, before my mind even had a chance of returning to me, I looked for you. I could feel you, out there, in the universe.” He smiled slightly and leaned towards (Y/N). “I have been, and always will be, yours.”

            (Y/N) leaned back towards him, kissing him softly.  They had needed this moment with him to know for certain Spock was acting as he wished and not just on “autopilot.” He still cared. He was still their Spock. That was all that mattered.

            “And I am always yours,” said (Y/N).

            Spock was extremely glad of that fact.

l

            “How was your dinner?” asked (Y/N) as Kirk came aboard. Scotty and Bones—successful in their mission—had arrived a little while before. Sulu was still…somewhere, but apparently he’d been doing just fine, so no one was concerned.

            Kirk sighed. “We lie; she’s unhappy. I tell the truth; she doesn’t believe it.”

            “Well, it’s pretty unbelievable,” said (Y/N). Telling someone “we’ll bring the whales to the future where they’re extinct but can take care of them” didn’t seem very possible.

            “What’s everyone else’s status?” said Kirk.

            “The tank will be finished by morning,” said Spock.

            “That’s cutting it closer than you know,” said Kirk. “What about Team Two?”

            “No word since beam-in,” said (Y/N). “We can only wait for them to call us.”

            “Damn it. Damn it. We’ve been so lucky,” groaned Kirk, worry permeating his aura. “We’ve got two perfect whales right in our hands. If we don’t move quickly, we’ll lose them.”

            “In that event, the probabilities are that our mission would fail,” said Spock.

            “Our mission?” Kirk grimaced. “It goes beyond that. This is about the end of every life on Earth.” He groaned. “You’re half-human. Don’t you have any feelings about that?” Sighing in frustration, he walked off.

            Spock watched with a furrowed brow and slight frown. (Y/N) placed a hand on his arm in comfort. Kirk was stressed. They all were. The consequences of failure were unacceptable.

            “Captains?”

            (Y/N) and Spock looked at Scotty as he peeked around a corner.

            “Yes, Scotty?” said (Y/N).

            “We’ve got Uhura,” said Scotty.

            “But Chekov…” Uhura shifted. “He might have been…captured?”

            “Captured?” repeated (Y/N).

            “The Americans don’t seem to like Russians very much,” said Uhura.

            “Let’s tell Admiral Kirk,” said (Y/N). “Nothing else to do but inform him and make a plan to get Chekov back.”

l

            “Admiral, I’m sorry, I never should have left him,” said Uhura after they relayed the additional problems they had encountered.

            “You did what was necessary,” said Kirk, shaking his head. “Keep trying. You’ll find him.” He pressed a comms button. “Scotty, you promised me an estimate on those dilithium crystals.”

            “It’s going slowly, sir,” said Scotty. “It’ll be well into tomorrow.”

            “That’s not good enough, Mr. Scott,” said Kirk. “You’ve got to do better.”

            “I’ll try, sir. Scotty out,” said Scotty.

            “Admiral?” said (Y/N).

            “Yes, (L/N)?” said Kirk.

            “Everyone is doing the best they can,” said (Y/N). “If they can go any faster, they will.”

            Kirk paused, took a deep breath, and nodded. “You’re right. You’re right. I just—without the whales, we’re in trouble. And we don’t have them.”

            “Dr. Taylor cares about them,” said (Y/N). “That’s one thing we both know. And we may be…strange, but we tell the truth. I think Dr. Taylor can understand that, and she’ll make the right decision.”

            “You think so?” said Kirk.

            (Y/N) smiled. “Humans have always been resilient.”

            Kirk smiled. “What would I do without you and Spock to keep me grounded?”

            “You’d have to retire,” teased (Y/N). “You’d be useless.”

            Kirk chuckled, and (Y/N) smiled at the warmth of emotion returning to him.

l

            “Open the hatch, Sulu’s arrived,” called Scotty.

            Spock pressed a button, and the roof opened to let Scotty peer out and direct Sulu—piloting a helicopter (he could fly anything)—into lowering another piece of tank into the ship.

            “Admiral! Admiral Kirk!”

            (Y/N) paused and turned on exterior cameras. “Oh, dear.”

            Gillian was standing outside and holding onto the cloaked leg of the Bounty. “Admiral Kirk, can you hear me? They’re gone! I need your help! Are you in there?”

            “Admiral,” said (Y/N), calling through the ship. “We have a visitor.”

            “Admiral! Admiral!” shouted Gillian desperately. “Can you hear me? I need your help!”

            “What do we do?” asked Bones.

            “Let her in. It would be rude not to,” said Kirk.

            “Aye, Admiral,” said (Y/N), pressing a button.

            Gillian was promptly beamed in. She spun, looking around herself in panic.

            “Hello, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland,” said Kirk as she spotted him.

            “It’s true,” she breathed.

            “It’s true,” said Kirk.

            “What you said,” said Gillian.

            “Yes, it is,” said Kirk. “And I’m glad you’re here, but I must admit, you picked a hell of a time to drop in. Take it easy. We need your help.”

            “Is this…really real?” said Gillian.

            “It is,” said (Y/N), leaning on the controls of the Transporter. “Take a look.” Their sunglasses were perched on their head, and Gillian’s breath caught as she saw their brilliant golden eyes.

            “You’re—You’re—” said Gillian.

            “I am,” said (Y/N), smiling. “Come on.” They led Gillian and Kirk towards the tanks.

            “Storage tanks for your whales,” said Kirk. “We’ll bring them up. The same way we brought you up—”

            “Admiral, they’re gone,” said Gillian.

            “Gone?” said (Y/N).

            “They were taken last night,” said Gillian, fury and fear in her aura like a whirlwind. Her care for George and Gracie went deep, and losing them was difficult. “I wasn’t told. They’re in Alaska by now.”

            “Damn,” cursed Kirk.

            “But they’re tagged, like I told you,” said Gillian. “I mean, you can go find them, right?”

            “We can’t go anywhere,” said Kirk.

            “What kind of a spaceship is this?” said Gillian, gesturing around herself.

            “It’s a spaceship with a missing man,” said Kirk.

            “Admiral, full power has been restored,” said Spock, joining the group in the hall. He had taken off his headband, leaving his pointed ears on display.

            “Thank you, Mr. Spock,” said Kirk.

            Gillian stared in amazement.

            “Hello, Doctor. Welcome aboard,” said Spock, nodding to her.

            “Admiral, are you there?” said Uhura over the comms.

            “Yes, Uhura. What’s wrong?” asked Kirk.

            “I’ve located Chekov, sir,” said Uhura. “They’re taking him to emergency surgery right now.”

            “Where?” questioned Kirk.

            “Mercy Hospital,” said Uhura. “They report his condition as critical. He’s not expected to survive.”

            “Jim!” Bones climbed up from the hold. “You’ve got to let me go in there. Don’t leave him in the hands of twentieth century medicine.”

            “Admiral, may I suggest that Dr. McCoy is correct?” said Spock. “We must help Chekov.”

            “Is that the logical thing to do, Spock?” said Kirk.

            “No. But it is the human thing to do,” said Spock.

            (Y/N) smiled. Those “gaps” in his mind were definitely healing. “Dr. Taylor,” (Y/N) addressed her calmly. “Will you help us?”

            “How?” asked Gillian, bewildered.

            “Well, we’re going to have to look like physicians,” said Bones.

            “…You’re from the future, and you don’t know what doctors look like?” said Gillian.

            “Doctors on my planet where white robes,” said (Y/N).

            “I dress like this,” said Bones, gesturing to his beige clothes. “When not in Starfleet uniforms.”

            “The twentieth century is far different from the twenty-third,” said Spock.

            “…Right,” said Gillian.

l

            “Good luck, you three,” said (Y/N), looking in amusement at the costumes of Gillian, Kirk, and Bones. There was no room for sunglasses in such an outfit, so (Y/N) was working the Transporter with Uhura instead.

            “Thank you,” said Kirk.

            “This is a horrible uniform,” said Bones.

            “You prefer to dress like you’re on a safari?” said Gillian.

            “What’s a ‘safari?’ ” said Bones.

            (Y/N) shook their head with a chuckle as Bones’s winked, clearly playing up the “futuristic” thing, and pressed a button. “See you on the other side.” The three were sent off to Mercy Hospital.

l

            “Ready in three…two…one,” said (Y/N).

            Uhura pressed the same button and pulled a lever. Outside of the Bounty, four people rematerialized. Promptly, Bones pulled Chekov towards the ship to properly look after him, and Kirk began asking about the whales to Gillian. She spoke quickly to him, and (Y/N) tilted their head.

            “I think she wants to come along,” said (Y/N).

            “To the future?” said Uhura, eyes wide.

            “She loves the whales,” said (Y/N). They considered. “Not a bad option. I mean, she’d know how to take care of them better than we could. They’re extinct when we’re from.”

            “Beam me up, (L/N),” said Kirk over the communicator.

            “Looks like he’s not letting her,” said Uhura.

            “Do we think she’s going to accept that?” said (Y/N), grinning as they pulled the lever.

            Uhura watched onscreen as Gillian threw her arms around Kirk as he dematerialized. “No.”

            (Y/N) laughed. “Let’s get to the Bridge.” It looked like they were gaining a crew member for the time being, and the future would be getting a whale expert.

l

            “Spock, where the hell’s that power you promised?” asked Kirk, hurried as he rushed onto the Bridge with Gillian behind him.

            “One damn minute, Admiral,” said Spock, returning the colorful metaphor.

            “Hello, Dr. Taylor, welcome back,” said (Y/N), winking at her.

            “I’m ready, Spock,” said Scotty over comms. “Let’s go find George and Gracie.”

            “Sulu?” asked Kirk.

            “I’m trying to remember how this thing worked,” said Sulu, pressing a few controls on the Klingon ship console. “I got used to a Huey.”

            “You tricked me,” said Kirk to Gillian as soon as moment appeared.

            “You need me,” replied Gillian.

            “She’s right, sir,” said (Y/N). “And she knows it. No doubt in her at all.”

            Gillian furrowed her brow.

            “Well, now there’s curiosity, but not the same,” said (Y/N).

            “How do you know that?” said Gillian.

            “Introductions,” sighed Kirk. “I’m Admiral Kirk, you know me. You’ve met Dr. McCoy, our doctor. Mr. Scott works in Engineering. Uhura is our lovely and talented communications officer. Sulu is our navigations expert. Chekov is our jack of all trades. Spock is my science officer—”

            “And he’s not human,” said Gillian.

            “He’s half,” said (Y/N). “Half Vulcan. You’ll learn about that in the future.”

            “And you’re?” said Gillian.

            “Also not human,” said (Y/N). “Celian.”

            “They’re an empath and our Negotiations and Communications officer,” said Kirk. “(Y/N) (L/N).”

            “An…empath?” repeated Gillian.

            “I’m a psychic. I can feel your emotions,” said (Y/N). They waved a hand at Gillian’s shock and slight fear. “Don’t worry. I can’t read your thoughts.” They smiled warmly, putting Gillian more at ease.

            “Ready, sir,” said Sulu.

            “Take a seat,” advised Kirk to Gillian. “Now, Mr. Sulu.” It was time to save the whales.

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