#that *did* somewhat do this kind of thing

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

IF your requests are open, could you please do Hyugo, Geo, and Crowe with a calm s/o that makes them feel safe? Like, for Hyugo, the s/o is probably the big spoon, (was thinking of slightly taller but I think slightly shorter is better..?), someone who just loves to hold him - and for that little time, Hyugo is in heaven. And so is s/o. (Just giving suggestions, you don't have to follow the script.) For Crowe, it's probably similar? But Crowe is the prince charming - meaning s/o would probably have to be hard to fluster (?). The s/o would probably kick some ass if anyone dared say anything about all those three in a ny situations - or if anyone talked shit about the s/o's close friends in general. Geo is probably a completely different story. He doesn't like to be touched - but little things, such as little gifts (or maybe flowers) and the s/o's presenece makes his feel strangely at ease.

I LOVE your work! I can't really figure out how to write my oneshots, especially hcs - but if I ever do, I'll make sure to tag you!

WITHIN YOUR ARMS

Thank you so much for the kind words! And, if you want some advice on writing oneshots or HCs, just press buttons on your keyboard that at least somewhat personify what you're trying to say; but either way make SURE you tag me, whatever it is you cook up I'll feast upon till the day I wither and die. 😔

-- Signed solemnly by @biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer AKA Sky Fort(resse)s and Burning Citadels <3

In Geode's case, you serve as one of the few people - that he's already well acquainted with - whom he trusts. Fully trusts. He doesn't know whether to be irked or content with this innate feeling, so he does what he typically does with feelings - repression.

He's very rarely someone who cracks, or makes it aware how weak he truly feels, the only people who have are Hyugo and maybe his parents - adoptive parents, but parents nonetheless. The point is, that odd trust makes him feel that if he were to crack and have the dams break, you'd do something different. You wouldn't try to rebuild said dam or freeze the cascading waterfalls of tears with ice...you'd simply let the waterworks run, let these feelings run wild and about, until they find their due course down wherever it is that feelings go.

Not that he will, of course. That'll never happen, especially if sober. The only way tears'll ever happen is if Geo's tipsy or high. He's never been under the influence. Doesn't want to be either.

The only reason he starts somewhat talking to you is if you're close with Crowe or Brittney. Or if either of them - or even Deryl - ask him to be more open with you.

He appreciates your nonchalant nature, you've got a moral compass and plenty of passion - but you're logical, reasonable, tolerable. He finds himself approving of you eventually.

You both get closer typically through Deryl or Crowe being with you lot, the former tends to drag Geo along regardless, while the latter wants to simply relax with his friends - and you lmao.

Anyway he'll only start cracking when you show a more serious interest in being his friend, whether that be inviting him somewhere or getting him a small gift. "Did Deryl put you up to this? What even is it."

"It's from me! We're friends - at least I want us to be - so, yeah. Heard you like these. :))"

"Oh". *long pause* "Thank...s. It's appreciated. :]"

Soon enough he decides he likes you enough to hang out with you alone, and that's when the true bonding starts. You become good friends pretty quickly - especially comparing to Geo's friendship track records and in turn it takes him significantly longer to discover he likes you. Not simply platonically.

To put this simply, Geo's a little bitch who fears rejection and humiliation and thus, you will have to be the confessor in terms of these romantic feelings.

Insert long dramatic timeskip.

When together, Geo gently, gingerly, starts being less stoic around you, he still detests being touched, but he'll allow a handhold every now and then, he enjoys knowing you're comfortable and content with him. Only allows things like hugging when severely comfortable around you, and only when you're asleep. You'll probably be watching a movie together and you 'fall asleep' (or maybe you actually do, who knows) on his shoulder, and after about 20 minutes that man is grinning to himself. Not that you'll ever know, but the satisfaction he gets is insane.

This man will also serve as the perfect #malewife. Will cook, will clean, will drive, will be a jealous little shit. There's no way he isn't. He definitely spends hours in bed contemplating what to do about these nuisances. ALSO GETS RED AND FLUSHED EASILY!!!!!!!!!! He blushes so hard his skin looks red. That's probably why he looks up at the sky when around you lets be fr.

In terms of sleeping in the same bed, it'll probably never happen. Firstly, his touch aversion; secondly it's normal for couples to sleep separately in Japanese culture anyway, so for him that was always the norm growing up. It'd take a LOT to get you both together, but let's make some magic happen and you're in a one-bed scenario (check out that one HC I did of this trope btw).

Only touching that happens will probably be hand-holding, but while that may seem small for most, for Geo that's insane. For him to initiate touch is even crazier, so if he does, you better stay with him. If something happens that makes you either scared or otherwise require comfort, he might let you hold him - him being preferably in a couple of sweaters to ignore the feelings (also I HC he's cold all the time) - BUT he's big spooning. He is not risking his hair being touched, no sir no ma'am.

"Hm. >:)" *silently smiles in the dead of night in a Japanese manner*

For Hyugo, you're one of - if not the - only thing that's remained steady in his deranged, messy life. He's surrounded by falseties, by masks, by faces of people who either hide their truth from him, or - like his brother - made it apparent how willingly they would be to leave him alone within this web he's entangled himself into, been forced to be entangled into.

He's been raised in wealth and fame, so he's learnt about reputation - and the vitality of safety - from a young age, an age that should've been saved for childlike naiveties...but not Hyugo. Since his youth he's either guarded, watched or puppeteered - if not by his family then by his reputation, and if not for reputation then the endless scandalous things he's gotten up to.

He's learnt to rely on intuition, on logic, on maintaining unpredictability that can leave most confused or deterred from pursuing any suspicious things he might've revealed sometime ages ago. He's got a good memory to, how else is he meant to memorise every alibi and lie he's ever uttered?

Either way, he never was able to simply be. To exist in himself and feel serene, at ease. Until he met you, that is; and it wasn't a short process either! This man's got intense, well-rooted trust issues. He fears attachment, but alas his heart decided that this one - this beautiful stranger - was someone...stable. Someone trustworthy, someone safe.

He's by far not a saint, he knows it, some nights it even haunts him...on rarer times he wonders if he's even got any humanity left. If he has any empathy left. Love left. The thought scares him, oddly enough. Until you come along and remind him that clearly not, because he feels something akin to devotion in terms of you, especially after a long time of knowing you.

When he does grow close to you, in a sense that blends the lines of platonic and romantic, he sees you as his aegis. His sword and shield, his camouflage and beacon. Not that he'll admit the extent of thee feelings, of course not. He's got a facade to maintain, or 100.

When you two eventually try out a relationship and find it works well, find you guys have stuck it out together for a year or so and decide to live together, he serves as a domestic cook and tutor. He'll help you as much as he can, when not MIA or finding himself occupied by important-people-duties.

In terms of sleeping in the same bed, it'll take a LONG time to get to that, but say you two are watching a movie and he ends up resting his head on your shoulder, gingerly nuzzling into your neck and then, before either of you know it, he falls asleep.

According to himself, one of the best nights of sleep he's ever gotten. And that begs the thought, was it you specifically? yes it was

He thinks about it, and overtime notices he's less anxious around you, his inner turmoil finds pause in your arms, and soon enough he's wrapped around your abdomen as many nights as he can get - and if you're willing. You've a calm presence, a soothing soul and your touch is a balm to the many wounds he's earned and suffered, both physical and mental - murder takes its toll on everyone. He'll rarely say it, but your calm is one of the things that's kept him relatively normal.

100% snuggle switch, loves being the little spoon on darker nights, where the intrusive memories and haunting thoughts return to drive him insane; loves being the big spoon when he's in a protective or possessive mood. If he's feeling affectionate he'll be your personal koala. "Haah. You're many things, Y/N, but you're not false and I pray - for both our sakes - that we'll remain together, that I can stay together with you. For you...I'm willing to try." OR... "Hello. Goodnight." *snores in Japanese*

Hyugo will sometimes decide to flirt with you. If you're calm enough to not appear fazed, he's gonna be the biggest tease possible, kissing either your neck or cheek when he's off to do whatever. Enjoys seeing your reactions to things he does, it brings him immense joy to have you feeling - and expressing - your contentment.

May or may not mutter itadakimasu before annihilating your cunt. May or may not get extremely horny at the prospect of feeling so at ease in your arms, because while being inside your arms are nice, he can think of a few places that'd also be real nice to fit in.

I'd also like to say I'm betting my amygdala on the fact that Hyugo sounds really melodious when he whines. He loves being touched, also. If he feels safe with you, you holding him or touching him makes him feel heavenly. He loves it, and he definitely grows to loving you as well.

In Crowe's case, you've already been friends ages, but even from the second his gaze landed on you he knew he was gone. Despite your camaraderie starting during the pinnacle of a fight he'd thrown himself into to aid you, feeding his newly innate desire - need - to protect you...he knew he was gone.

He probably hadn't realized the extent of it, but even after that fight ended and especially when you finally accepted his hand in friendship, seeing that stoic and distrustful glare turn into a gaze of a simmering warmth, a soothing calm and acceptance. In short, he found you ethereal.

And it was over the course of this friendship that he recognised how truly trustworthy and reliable you are. You're non-judgmental, you voice your concerns, you remain a force of stability amongst the dramas and chaos that is university. You provide a calm to his boisterous and troubled life. You're got an authenticity about you, another trait that Crowe adores you for.

He's got baggage, he knows it, yet with you he feels unburdened. Free from all the shit that's piling up behind the scenes, the rumours and the scandals and the insanity. You offer him a respite from that. An escape, one he ironically enough wants to be trapped in forever, as long as you allow it.

Crowe enjoys making playful remarks, flirtatious compliments; especially when he's jealous or feeling particularly bold. Typically you either bite and flirt back, or coolly brush it off, giving a snarky "I know." or "I'm honoured you think of me so highly."

Anyway Crowe catches on to his own feelings rather quickly, and is the most logical about acting on them. He aids you with homework, studies alongside you, spends as much time with you as possible. But as the years of uni go by, you both grow more distant due to busy schedules and a general social growth and/or decline on your part.

Crowe became a council member, the class president, gaining leadership roles and popularity as time went on, but at the end of the day; nobody - not even his current friendgroup, as awesome as they are - can compare to how safe and genuinely at peace he was with you. By your side.

Now let me say, for the sake of the argument and these HCs, that one day you both lovedrunkenly confess under the stars and have primal carnal sex and in general are so intuned with one-another spiritually physically emotionally that you guys end up together, like how you were always destined to be.

In terms of dating, Crowe will amp up his flirting, especially if you react to it subtly, or indicate you like it. He respects your boundaries of course, that'll never change. He also gets the #malewife title btw.

When you both end up sleeping in the same bed, it doesn't take too long for that to happen, considering how long you've known each other, and while yes sometimes you two go at it and have more carnal loving heated passionate *coughs*...ah, sorry. Anyway! Despite how invested you both are in each other, on nights where it's quiet, where you're listening to each other's heartbeats and breaths (a DJ can make a backing track just from that tbh), Crowe holds you in his arms and resists the urge to weep. Because he has you, in his arms, in his bed, in his heart and soul; and you have him in your heart, your mind, sometimes even between your thighs.

He's so in love with you it's beyond words, touches or gifts. He feels so safe and loved with you, knowing you'll support and defend him as passionately as he does you...and his heart swells.

Will typically serve as the big spoon, loves holding you in his arms, pressing you to his chest and feeling you softly breathe on his skin. Can be a little spoon sometimes, and whenever you wrap yourself around him, he sleeps a tad more soundly than he would normally with you.

"I love you...God I love you so much it hurts..."

OR

"Darling, you're everything to me...and you always were and will be. Eternally."

[rrhodes25]

Okay so I have more thoughts on the Ithaca Saga, about Athena & Odysseus' relationship, and how it ends.

Spoilers ahead, for those who have not listened

This all came to me when I was listening to I Can't Help But Wonder. I couldn't stop thinking about what I kinda saw before as an offhanded phrase from Warrior of the Mind.

"Sounds like a plan, goddess and man, bestest of friends!"

"We'll see how it ends."

At the time, I thought this was just characterization for Athena. She's a goddess, she's very professional, and like the other gods we see she is somewhat dismissive of mortals and their emotions.

But we've seen how it ends now. The relationship is fractured beyond repair. There isn't resentment anymore, and Athena is the one reaching out to Odysseus, similar to how she did in Warrior of the Mind but not for the purpose of shaping him, not with the same professional tone. Athena has changed a lot, and is reaching out with compassion, with empathy, with care. She wants to be friends again.

But Odysseus changed a lot too.

He's exhausted. He has fought tooth and nail for decades to get home. He's been beaten, bruised, tortured without end. And Athena abandoned him so early in his journey. She wasn't there to help, to support. She didn't even watch it happen as it happened, she caught herself up after the fact in Love in Paradise. Athena did a lot that Odysseus didn't see, like take a lightning bolt to get him off Calypso's island, but even if Odysseus knew that I don't think it would be enough.

Odysseus is done with the fighting. He is done with the pain, the work, the strife. He's done with the gods. And that includes Athena. He just can't do it anymore.

When Athena said "We'll see how it ends." She thought she would be the one to end this. But she's wrong. Odysseus doesn't have the energy to repair the shattered relationship. He finally has control over his life again, and that life doesn't fit Athena.

I didn't do a ton of theorizing about what would happen in the final saga, with the exception of one thing. I thought Athena was going to be far more present. From what I understand about the Odyssey, which I have not read in its entirety but have had to read several sections of it for classwork, and I've sought out different summaries and discussions about it out of curiosity, Athena is very involved in the ending. So, that's sort of what I expected to happen in Epic. I knew Penelope and the Suitors would get their own songs before Odysseus would start killing people, but I figured that Odysseus, Telemachus, and Athena would get their own number somewhere in between Penelope's song and when Odysseus starts his murder-spree. I didn't know how the relationship would end, but I had figured that there would be some kind of reconciliation, and then the murdering would have a little bit more of a vibe like Little Wolf, albeit far darker.

None of this is to say I dislike where Jorge decided to take the final saga, I think it is deeply interesting and absolutely crushing how he decided to handle it. Honestly all this yapping hardly has a real thesis or point, I just wanted to get the thoughts out of my head.

I suppose the closest thing to an conclusion I can draw from this is that Jorge completely subverted my expectations, and crushed my soul in the process.

10/10, wouldn't change a thing.

If anyone has additional thoughts, feel free to share. I'm always open to folks more articulate than me weighing in.

[funkin-news]

ninjamuffin newgrounds post!

tl;dr

fuck ads!! use adblocker whenever you can!!

the crew tries to make fnf as ad-free as possible, not just the game but where you download it- it's why it's on itch/newgrounds and not anywhere that offers ad revenue

that being said, fnf mobile will likely have a free version which... will have ads. they will try not to make the ads too obnoxious

(there will be an ad-free paid version too!)

extra note from me, not the post: if you're an android user you totally shouldn't use youtube revanced and purpletv or anything for mobile youtube and twitch adblockers. it would be such a hindrance to the advertisers. ha ha

full post copied below ⬇️

greetings and merry xmas newgrounds

on my brain for a very long time has been advertisements. Something about ads that stick in my brain ever since I came across this little thing from Lichess.

In due time, unfortunately this post will become a bit hypocritical, as we will eventually publish FNF onto mobile, and that will very likely have a free ad supported version. Hopefully that doesn't undermine my thoughts too much, however FNF is more than just me and my brain! Not everything I say goes in terms of FNF decisions! So with all that being said, let me begin shouting about everything I hate about ads.

I use adblocker on everything, and you should too. UBlock Origin has been my reliable go to. Online ads are especially an insidious breed. I'll try not to be some tinfoil hat, but I do often wonder what the internet would look like if the online ad model *wasn't* fruitful back in the early days of the internet. Would Facebook, Google, etc. have an arms race to the bottom to get infinite amounts of data on every single person ever? Would social media algorithms optimize for a different experience other than *spend as much time as possible on our site*? Ads have existed before Youtube, Google, internet though. They exist on TV, on subways and buses, on radio, in newspapers. I think for the most part my deep hatred of ads is for online kind, I do think there can be "irl" ads that I find very unpleasant. Going on a subway or sitting at a bus stop, I think people deserve more dignity from their city public transit than to have something sold to them! I don't think an ad free life should be only reserved for those who can pay for spotify premium, youtube red, etc. I think everyone should be entitled to that DIGNITY.

X (the everything app, formerly Twitter ) has a Premium subscription that costs 10$/month (CAD), and they will only give you *half* the ads in your feed. How generous of them. I will be dramatic, and say that I look at ads with disgust. I hope to think I'm somewhat justified, as most ads look like dogshit, and are pretty worthless.

For a very long time (and currently, as of writing/posting) FNF has been entirely ad free. We did stand up to putting it on other web portals that offer ads and ad payments/rev share, because we do somewhat want to be part of the change we'd like to see in the world. We want to believe in a world where someone can put out a free game on itch/newgrounds, and have the development be supported purely off donations (which FNF was supported by that in the early days / first 6 months of development!). We definitely could have made much MUCH more money if we put FNF on websites that offer ad rev share, but we didn't, and I hope that doesn't fall on deaf ears.

However we do promote our own things from within the game, Kickstarter, merch, etc. I suppose I'm less upset or even thinking about that, I think there's a big difference if we had a lil Kickstarter trailer in-game that played, opposed to having an in-game advertisement for some fuckass mobile game or some cosmetics or somethin. We specifically are still curating what we are putting in the game with our lil links to merch, kickstarter, etc.

We also provide the soundtrack on Spotify / streaming services, which do indeed get money from ads. I think I'm so detatched from Spotify ads and being angry at them, since I've been spotify premium user even at the brokest poorest in my life... i need them album downloads!!! I do think that's an aspect where there is an adfree alternative, which is Bandcmap, where you can listen to the FNF OST as much as you want, and if you pay some coin, you can download it in high quality!

My thoughts on FNF mobile with ads is that they will make me very unhappy and deeply sad. I do sincerely apologize to those of you who would be unable to play FNF on anything other than a mobile device, and aren't able to get the full mobile version, so you become punished with ads. We do hope to not be obnoxious with mobile ads. If you have a computer, even a shitty busted one that runs slow, I personally hope you end up compiling the mobile version yourself to get past ads. The thought of that lets me rest easier just a little bit. The FNF will be proudly open source forever.

There will also be a paid version of FNF mobile, that will have no ads. Pay for that one if you please.

[hailqiqi]

So let me add the European view here - as someone who is actually half-European, half-American.

I have an Americanised German surname. My surname is pretty much only found in America due to a few historical quirks. It's pretty cool, tbh.

Now in Europe, we would say that my US family is 'American, with German heritage'. We say this about ourselves, too -- because given we're all close neighbours & the borders have shifted over time, how many of us do you think are pure anything? My Italian friend has a German surname because his father is German, but he's not German, he's Italian, because he *acts* Italian. It's not exactly an ethnicity, because the lines are so blurred - if you want ethnicities you need to go further back, to the Celts, Gauls, Phoenicians etc.

So when we say 'but you're not German' it's because we recognise that the USA has a very distinct culture that is purely American. This "when American culture is treated as a rip-off of every other culture" view? Yeah, that's not us. That's your own image issues. Anyone who says America doesn't have its own culture is nuts (or American, funnily enough).

American culture is in the way you take cookies round to greet new neighbours, it's in the pride you take in your homes, in the way you engage in small talk, in the way you're so bloody touchy-feely and genuine about it ("I'm so thankful for..." "I really appreciate" "I feel so"). It's in the way you greet immigrants, tourists and strangers -- and as someone who's taken quite a few foreigners to visit in the Deep South, the way you greet foreigners is incredibly welcoming. Culture is in the way you relate to each other and frankly, the way Americans do their best to wear kindness on their sleeves is something to be proud of.

Hell, even if you use that narrow definition of culture as being 'the arts' -- the arts in the states is fluorishing!! Broadway, Hollywood, music, fashion, art -- the US is a cultural powerhouse in the snooty definition, too.

Sure, America has its problems - though sometimes I think that the internet amplifies them, simply because there's so many Americans. Europeans love to laugh at Americans for being a tad dumb, but frankly we're shit at American geography so it's glass houses, really (also have you heard what we say about each other? It's all meant in jest).

So I suppose, when we say "But you're not German!" We're really saying two things: (1) we know German people & they act *nothing* like you, culturally you're American through & through & (2) being American is something to be proud of; why aren't you proud of your culture?

(Having said all that, it sounds like your family is much more culturally German than mine and most Europeans would be (a) surprised & somewhat confused to hear that such communities exist in the US and (b) would probably label that as 'American-German' because it's its own unique thing (modern Europeai German culture has moved on & changed from the culture preserved by the community). Which, fun linguistic fact: did you know the insular American immigrant communities have become the last refuges of some dying European languages?)

"yOu'Re nOt GeRmAn, yOu'rE AmErIcAn"

Okay, bestie, let me explain something to you that is very important to American culture — very, very few of us are ethnically American. When an American says they are "German" or "Irish" or "Italian" they aren't talking about citizenship. They are talking about ethnicity.

The U.S. is primarily a country of immigrants. Everyone says we "don't have a culture" or we have a "bastardized version of *insert culture*" but that's not true!!!! Our culture is made up of American Immigrant Culture!!!! American Italian food isn't "fake Italian food" — it's the innovation of Italian Immigrants who used traditional Italian food along with the ingredients that were more accessible to them in the States. It might not be the food "of Italy" but it is the food of proud sons and daughters of Italy who are also proud Americans. And you can be both.

When American culture is treated as a rip-off of every other culture, we are essentially dishonoring the memory of very brave men and women who chose to leave their homelands under unfortunate circumstances. Men and women who didn't have much money, but did what they could. Used the materials they had. And still managed to make something beautiful out of it. When you leave your home, it doesn't stop being part of your identity — it just looks a little different now. You pass on your old traditions to your children and your children's children, and along the way, new ones are created. Cultures mix and create subcultures. And it's beautiful. It's good. It's primally human.

If I'm not "German" care to explain to me my pasty white skin? Or my last name? Or all the post cards written to and from Germany that we have upstairs in a box? Or the name of my town? Or my grandparents' first language? Or the fact that my American Church, in the year 2024, still sings "Stille Nacht" at every Christmas Eve mass? Sure, I'm not fully German, but the awareness of where I have come from makes up a huge part of my understanding of myself and my place in this world. I was raised in a German Catholic farmtown, and it shows. It shows in the way we worship, and our work ethic, and our reverence for family life.

When an American calls themselves "German" or "Irish" or "Italian" they mean that's where their blood comes from. And it's okay for them to care about that. It's okay for them to care about their roots. It's a major part of American culture.

If you want to "respect" world cultures, you can't just pick and choose which ones are "real" according to you.

[mayweneverdie]

Heyyyyyyy I love your work do you have have any hcs on what red flags the rdr characters would have

Yes!!

RDR2 Red Flags

Cw: bad habits/behaviors, red flags (duh)

Notes: i’m putting the (who I consider) main people of the gang plus pookie bears ef and paytah, some of these red flags are already practically canon, but i cannot not add them. If you want any of the members not mentioned down below then send in another ask!!!

Sorry for dying 😭

If any of these seem ooc then send in an ask or dm me and I can review them! I got some help from @tempting-andromeda

Characters: Arthur Morgan, John Marston, Charles Smith, Sadie Adler, Javier Excuella, Dutch Van Der Linde, Hosea Matthews, Eagle Flies, Paytah

—

Arthur

Way too negative about himself

To the point it starts getting people around him negative/uncomfortable

Because they know it ain’t true

Sometimes gets too into fights and picks at you in a way that you don’t understand/catch until way after the fight

John

Trouble committing to something (or someone)

Does obviously stupid shit that can often inconvenience or hurt someone

Take responsibility? Hardly know her!

I feel he has a youngest sibling complex where he can kinda snake out of consequences

Charles

Not the greatest at communicating

Gets snippy and short when he’s at his wits end (but you wouldn’t know unless he told you)

Similarly to Arthur I think if he’s heated enough he’ll make a jab at you that you won’t realize until after the argument

Sadie

Easy to set off (though more due to trauma)

Slow to forgive

Also makes jabs but it’s very obvious and you feel it the second she says it

Rarely apologizes (too prideful)

Javier

Also slow to forgive (though isn’t as quick as Sadie to anger)

Ignores you rather than arguing or making jabs

But he will argue if pushed far enough

Dutch

Ok so what about him isn’t a red flag?

Arrogant and pompous in a ‘holier than thou’ way

But not in a Angelo Bronte way more of a savior complex way

Wandering eyes

Deceitful

If its you and him running from a pack of wolves but they all have one limb he’s still pushing you down to make sure he gets away

Uses gifts and services as leverage

“I give you xyz and you act like this?” “Even after all I’ve done you won’t do this/that?”

Ik his list is way longer than the others but like…

It’s Dutch

Hosea

Kind of condescending in a very fatherly way

Also like dutch but it’s very discreet

I cannot stress this enough but in many aspects they are different sides of the same quarter

This man is a con artist so he’s manipulative in subtle ways

Similar to Dutch he also uses things he gives or does for you as leverage

Except more nice like “Since I did abc it’s fair you do xyz.”

Drum roll please…

Eagle Flies!!!!

Like Sadie he’s quick to anger and slow to forgive

But it’s mostly as a defense mechanism and not because he’s an asshole

Doesn’t communicate and tries to find the quickest way to solve something or to send a message

Has the ‘you’re either with me or against me’ mentality

Spoiled as in wants things his way

Paytah!!!!

Shout out @tempting-andromeda for helping me with Paytah’s portion!!!!

Ends up ignoring you and others a lot accidentally (ie replies in his mind but doesn’t verbalize it)

Gets super defensive even if you’re on the nose about it (esp if it’s concerning his home life)

Subconsciously labels everything like if one girl he knows likes pink then that must mean all girls like pink

And it’s gotten him in very avoidable situations.

—

AGGHGGHH I’M FINALLY POSTING SOMEWHAT AGAIN!!!! Sorry for falling off the face of the earth, it will happen again!

[yandere-paramour]

How has noelle developed since being taken in by atalanta? Style, attitude, before vs. now kinda things

I really like this question which is why I've been thinking about it so long (my apologies). This is a continuation of this if y'all have forgotten. Buckle up, this turned into a long one. I hope it is to your liking.

In a way, Noelle is both the same and different than before Ata. Atalanta correctly identified a diamond in the rough and formed Noelle into the powerhouse we know her to be today, and this is why Noelle is so indebted to her.

When Noelle graduated with her her master's in business, she was 23 and living on her own in a shitty studio apartment. She worked part-time in the school's financial aid department filling in spreadsheets and also picked up night shifts at a 24-hour daycare. There was no talk of love; she could barely take care of herself. She was running out of food, running out of money, and running out of time. She needed to use her degree, so she was applying for every business job she possibly could.

She was desperate. She didn't have many warm clothes and survived mostly on what she could scrounge from the dining hall following a shift. She still thought of herself as a frantic trailer-park kid trying to be something she's not, and she lay awake many a night thinking about having to return home in shame. She wanted better for herself, of course she did, she just didn't have much hope. Why would someone take a chance on her when there were other candidates, ones who could afford a suit and could actually get a good night's sleep before class.

At least, until she got a response from a job. She took the free headshots the school provided, borrowed a too-big suit, and went to the kind of restaurant she should've been serving at, not eating at. Atalanta already knew everything about her situation; she had Zachariah look into Noelle well before they met. Not really the usual person working at Montclair Industries, but Ata believes potential is distributed universally; it can come from anywhere.

Atalanta is nothing if not perceptive. She noticed the way Noelle looked at other patrons having business lunches in the restaurant, the way she hunched her shoulders in shame when they stared at her ill-fitting blazer and skirt, how she completely skipped the wine list and didn't seem to recognize anything on the complicated entree menu. Atalanta ordered for the two of them, making a discrete show of her table manners, wanting to see if Noelle took notice and copied her. To Atalanta's delight, she did.

They discussed Noelle's grades, her approaches to problem-solving, her work experience and strengths and weaknesses. Halfway through the entree, Ata sent a pre-written text for one of her bodyguards to come to the table with a fake story about someone crossing the business, and she gave him vague instructions to "take care of it". Noelle barely batted an eye at the somewhat menacing instructions.

Ata waited until dessert to bring up Noelle's... less-than-savory habits. How Zachariah had evidence of her hacking security cameras, how many in disagreement with Noelle were discovered to have malware and keylogging on their computers, the scores of information found on a sweep of her laptop. Atalanta knew exactly what she'd done and appeared to have compiled concrete evidence, enough evidence to ruin her life. Horrified and certain her life was over, Noelle got up to run, but found herself surrounded. All the other customers were gone, and the staff was all in the back kitchen. There was only Atalanta and her bodyguards.

Atalanta politely asked Noelle to sit back down, explaining that she wasn't in trouble. In fact, she was exactly who Ata needed. Atalanta needed a loyal subordinate, one who could do her bidding at a moment's notice, one who would be loyal to the very end and not bother with moralities. Of course, she would be compensated generously. Atalanta slid a thick folder across the table, along with a check for a thousand dollars. Noelle was to read the contract and take some time to think about Ata's offer; the money was so she could take some days off to think without cost to herself. Atalanta would be in touch in 3 days for an answer. After dropping that bombshell, Ata just... gathered her things and left, waving a nonchalant goodbye.

Noelle called in sick that night at the daycare. She was up all night reading through that pile of papers, checking out the window every few minutes, certain she was being watched. A 300k salary, countless benefits, a job she had never dared to even dream of, there was no question what she had to do, especially with the unknown amount of dangerous information looming behind her. She signed them all and hoped she made the right choice. Obviously knowing her choice, Ata sent a guard to pick up the papers early the next morning, along with some fancy chocolates to celebrate with.

The next few weeks were a whirlwind. Atalanta set Noelle up with a new, huge, apartment closer to the office, furnished it to Noelle's liking, and had her moved in. She sent 7 designer suits so Noelle would have something to wear, and ensured she had transportation and her own bodyguard to protect her. Noelle was highly encouraged to tell either the guard or Ata herself if she needed anything, and she would receive it. Atalanta became akin to a goddess for Noelle; In her eyes, Atalanta Montclair had saved her life and given her everything. She might not have died for Ata, but she would suffer a whole lot for her.

The first few months of working at Montclair Industries were difficult, to say the least. The other people were all clean, polished, ignorant of all suffering and privileged from the day they were born. Noelle... wasn't like them. She envied their easy lives and how blessed they were to be in such circumstances. They didn't know how good they had it. Sure, she had been lucky, Ata had taken pity on her, but surely they could smell the poverty on her, surely they knew what she was. It was difficult for her to get settled in such rapid change, and even though Ata was patient and kind, Noelle struggled. Even if she was doing great, she felt she did everything wrong and that she was always in danger of losing her good fortune. Noelle would fight to the death to keep her job, and to her, all coworkers were serpents ready to swoop in and steal her livelihood.

But as time passed, Noelle calmed down a bit. Atalanta pays well, and Noelle was able to both support her sisters and stash away a good bit for herself. She can afford food that's not the scraps of others and hot water in an un-mildewed shower and a bed that's actually comfortable. She learned how to do her job properly and the way the company ran; Atalanta is queen and what she says goes. Noelle might as well be the grand vizier; she has gained Atalanta's favor and thus can influence what she wants. The serpents? Gone and replaced on Noelle's orders with Ata's uncaring permission.

Noelle accompanies Atalanta on business trips around the world and they grow closer, becoming true friends instead of mistress and servant. Noelle is still as compulsive and thorough about her job and life as she always has been (that's just the way she is), but she knows, barring a colossal mistake, she will not be fired. And even if she is, she has enough saved to support herself until she can find something else (she hates even the thought of this though, it's just a contingency plan just in case). She has worked hard enough to secure herself a comfortable and fulfilling career. She has taken care of herself, provided herself the stability and security she has always craved. She gains the confidence we see in her today, and has now evolved into the steady adult Noelle we know and love.

And this is when she finds herself in need of a Darling.

Noelle is 25, right in the middle of the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage. She has money, her own place, a family that loves her, even a supportive friend; the only thing she doesn't have is... a lover. Atalanta has a lover, Noelle has accompanied the woman on many an outing and even sat with her on her earlier, more... rebellious days. And... Noelle finds herself a bit lonely. She's always had her sisters around and... she's not used to coming home to such a large apartment with no one in it. She finds herself quite... wistful. She wants someone to come home to, someone to spend weekends with, someone to love and hold and take care of. She wants to give herself to someone, to let herself be as vulnerable to someone as she can be. As surrounded as she's always been, she's been... alone. And she doesn't want to be alone anymore.

And this is the root of Noelle, of who she has been since the moment of her birth. Deep deep down, what she really craves is security and love, and that will never change.

[iveseenitinmovies]

this is controversial but how did wwdits manage to be so straight when it’s known to be a “queer show”? the only somewhat important queer couple in the show is the baron and the sire. ofc there’s freddie and guillermo and some others too but they only last for a few episodes. all of the characters are queer but we never really see them get gay yk like nadja for example. and i’m aware of the whole nandermo thing but it seems to me the writers were never brave enough to depict that relationship as romantic, it’s only implied and in my opinion that’s a bit lame. i like this show, though and i love (some of) the characters but this kind of bugs me.

also i’m not saying this show isn’t queer it’s it much queerer than most stuff being aired today and hats off for that but sometimes i feel like they’re just saying it (gay) nstead of doing it (gay) yaknow

[schrijverr]

I Mean, You Love Him, Don’t You?

Divergence from chapter 31, where Shannon sees the bombing on TV and immediately realizes (or thinks she does) what is happening; what has happened without her there. However, upon arriving at the hospital, she realizes it’s a little more complicated than that.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: injury, referenced emotionally abusive parenting

~~~

Shannon is at home by herself when she sees the news. Ever since fleeing El Paso and the death of her mother, she’s been working on herself. She’s going to community college at night and has a pretty okay job as receptionist.

The dating game is something she’s been out of and she only has a few friends, but she tells herself that she isn’t lonely. That she’s doing okay.

Though, maybe sitting alone on her couch and mindlessly watching TV isn’t the best way of proving that to herself.

However, it works in her favor, because otherwise she wouldn’t have seen the breaking news segment interrupting the game show she was starting to find annoying. The bomber that’s been terrorizing LA blew up a firetruck and is holding a bunch of firefighters hostage.

“If you’re just joining us, witnesses are reporting that this LAFD ladder truck, belonging to station house 118, was hit by some kind of an explosive as it was making its way to a call. Now, you can see there’s a firefighter pinned under that truck.”

The camera pans and Shannon drops her tea cup as she gasps: “Evan?”

She thought of Evan from time to time after she left, the boy that she couldn’t love that she used as an escape from the boy that couldn’t love her. She wondered what happened to him, after she left Chris with him, a thing she still feels guilt about. Wondered where he went after. What job he worked. If he got out of there like she did.

To see him after all these years and in these circumstances is shocking. He did get out. He’s been in the very same city as her. He has a different job now, probably a whole new life. And he’s being held hostage!

Her hands start shaking and she starts reaching around, as if there is something she needs to grab or do that will change the situation. But she can’t. She’s sitting on her couch and he is on an intersection somewhere pinned by truck and some jackass with a bomb.

On the screen, you can see some commotion to the side, before someone is running. The journalist reports: “This is unexpected. A civilian now confronting the young man with that vest. We’ve got no details on this man’s identity.”

As they continue to speculate and report on what’s happening, Shannon is on the edge of her seat. She has always wished Evan nothing but to best. To see him like this now hurts way more than expected.

After what feels like forever, the man that walked onto the scene tackles the bomber. There appears to be somewhat of a scuffle, but then more police, bomb squad looking people are moving in and the reporter on the scene tells them the bomber is taken into custody.

Shannon lets out a sigh of relief, sagging slightly and allowing herself a thankful gaze to the heavens. She hasn’t moved her eyes away ever since she first recognized Evan and she’s pretty sure the tea will stain her rug and her couch.

God, that was super stressful. She doesn’t think she can handle anymore revelations like that today, she thinks to herself.

“Well, that firefighter really appears to have taken the brunt of all of this. That’s an entire ladder truck that you see there. We can only hope for the best at this point.”

She sits back up, wanting to at least keep watching until Evan is freed and on his way to the hospital, maybe even send him a card or something. Then, naturally, because the universe loves to fuck with her, another revelation gets thrown in her face when she looks back to the screen. The camera zooms in on the firefighters helping and she spots a very familiar silhouette among them; Eddie.

Holy shit.

She rubs at her eyes and blinks a few times, before squinting at the screen. She has half convinced herself she’s imagining things, but no, that is still very much Eddie.

From the angle and distance, she can’t make out many of his facial features, but she doesn’t really have to. The way he’s kneeling beside Buck, hand continuously running over him again and again, while his counterpart medic doesn’t, tells her enough.

There is a desperation there when he looks up to the man that rushed in earlier to talk down the bomber. His shoulders are both tight and slumped. He almost looks a little like he did during the last glance she send to him, before she was whisked away by doctors during her birth.

The thought makes her swallow and a pit grows in her stomach when the man responds and Eddie almost collapses in on himself, only held up by the steel in his spine that has been forced in there by his father.

Shannon claps her hand to her mouth, nearly choking on her tears. She can’t have just been forced back into this sphere she left behind just to face another tragedy. She can’t watch as Eddie loses another person dear to him after her. She doesn’t even want to begin to think what it would mean for Christopher.

“Now, look at this. Bystanders stepping in. They're gonna help out. This really is an amazing scene that’s unfolding. What an incredible show of support and gratitude.”

Oh thank God. Bystanders are indeed stepping in, running over the blockade to help and lift the truck off of Evan. The tears now truly start to fall and she can only feel gratefulness towards everyone there, who stepped up and helped.

She watches as Evan is lifted on a stretcher by the woman who was helping Eddie earlier and another man. Eddie is also there, but he doesn’t appear to be helping, instead holding Evan’s hand as he disappears into the ambulance.

Despite following along every moment, it doesn’t all register until the camera pans away from the disappearing ambulance.

Shannon tunes the journalist out, who is babbling about beautiful moments of support, instead again realizing that, holy shit, Evan and Eddie are in the same city as her. Christopher is probably in the same city as her. Evan and Eddie still know each other. Work together.

When she left Christopher with Evan, she did so, because leaving him anywhere else would invite questions that would crumble her resolve. She always felt bad about it, but she never questioned what that would have meant. Now, she understands that her leaving the way she did, forced Evan and Eddie into each other’s orbit.

She has always assumed that after a while, Evan would leave El Paso too. That he would have saved up enough and leave that shithole town behind like they both always wanted to. In a way, he did, though he didn’t leave it alone.

Or he ran into Eddie again at work and this is all coincidence.

However, Shannon has a hard time believing that. She remembers Evan clearly no matter how many years have passed, the way he was always ready and happy to help, delighted in watching Christopher, showing him all the chickies. Seeing them together still, it doesn’t feel unreasonable to her that he stayed when she left. That he kept offering to help.

A part of her feels like she should be surprised Eddie took the offered help. When she was still there, he wanted nothing to do with Evan – the boyfriend – always making sure she did drop off and pick up when Evan watched Christopher.

But she doesn’t find it weird. Evan is so open and earnest and Eddie must have been panicking when he found her gone. Guilt stabs through her again. She can totally believe that he would have been weak to those baby blues just like she was, especially when she divorced him for the reason she did.

Yeah, sure, Eddie never confirmed she was right and resisted her more delicate way of bringing it up, but he signed those paper without too much protest, and looking at him now, even tiny on that television screen, she can tell he nearly lost the love of his life.

She needs to find him.

She knows it sounds crazy, because she walked out on not only him, but their child soon and she never turned back. After all she did, she is probably the last person he wants to see. Ever.

However, he just went through something ginormous and he needs people to lean on. Shannon might not know anything about accidents, but that looked bad, and she does know what it’s like to have hospitalized and dying loved ones. You need people to prevent you from drowning. Eddie needs someone right now. A friend.

Before she got pregnant and responsibility took them down – something much bigger than they could prepare for tying them together – they had been friends. Good friends. They’d spend hours driving around, talking, laughing, sharing things they never shared.

If she hadn’t become pregnant, Shannon believes that even though they wouldn’t have worked out in the end as partners, she would have had a lifelong friend in Eddie.

Besides, if her theory about what happened between them is correct, then Christopher just had one of his dads be severely injured. If wanting to support her child, even if Eddie won’t let her see him directly, isn’t a good reason to at least try to find him, she doesn’t know what is.

So, she spends some times trying to figure out where the truck bombing happened, before finding nearby hospitals, driving to the wrong one first, before finding the right one.

Shannon is a little anxious, just as she was the first time, when she gets out of her car, but pushes through anyway. She’s been running for long enough from this. The people that were once her family need her, she isn’t going to abandon them again.

She is glad she gathered herself in the car, because she runs into Eddie a lot quicker than she thought she would, finding him slumped on the ground next to the ER entrance. His knees are up to his chest and his head buried between his knees.

Her stride pauses for a second, unsure how to get his attention. His shoulders are shaking a little and it hits her that he’s crying. She can’t recall ever seeing Eddie cry before. Not when he left for boot-camp, not during the birth, not after that doctor’s visit that got Chris a diagnosis. Not when they fought and not when they divorced. He always seemed so strong, so perfect, so much more in control of himself than her.

It’s almost odd to see this version of him, but it humanizes him too. He isn’t the perfect parent that she could never be, the good son to her bad daughter. He’s just a man. And right now he is alone. Everyone just walks past him, letting him cry by himself.

After hesitating for a moment longer, she takes a deep breath and makes her way over to him, sliding down the wall and sitting down next to him. She doesn’t say anything or touch him, just sits close enough so that he can feel her presence.

“Are you going to be disappointed at me again?” Eddie asks after a moment, voice rough and raw. He doesn’t look at her when he says it, she isn’t even sure he knows who he’s talking to.

“Why would I be disappointed in you, Eddie?” she asks, proud of herself when she doesn’t waver when she talks to him. She is also curious at the answer, wondering why that’s what he expects anyone that is here with him to be with him.

Eddie’s head whips up at the sound of her voice. His eyes are red-rimmed, wide in their shock, and his hair is an absolutely mess. He gapes a few times, then almost seems scared as he softly asks: “Shan?”

“Hi, Eddie,” she smiles crookedly. “It’s been a while, huh?”

“Wha- what are you doing here?” he asks, scrabbling back a little.

A part of her withers in her chest. She didn’t expect a warm welcome, but this is also a little extreme, though to be fair, she did ambush him slightly. So, she tries not to take it to heart as she explains: “I saw what happened on the news. First recognized Evan, then you. I kinda guessed what might have happened, since I left. I wanted you to not be alone.”

Eddie stares at her as if she’s an alien, clearly trying to find his wits and failing slightly. She might not know him well anymore – maybe she never did – but she knows his overwhelmed face from miles away.

“I know being alone sucks,” she says, when he stays quiet, wanting to give him more context. “I never meant to stay gone. Never meant to leave the way I did. I just didn’t know how to come back. This kind of felt like a sign, I guess?”

“Signs aren’t real,” Eddie tells her, almost instinctively. He startles a little at the sound of his own voice, then blinks himself into the presence and frowns: “You didn’t know how to come back? Maybe pick up the phone? Call? Send a card? Or a text? Hell, even a telegram or a fax.”

She can’t help the humorless chuckle that escapes her and she shakes her head: “It’s not that easy, Eddie.” He is about to protest, but she cuts him off: “I am sorry. I am. So incredibly sorry. You have no clue how guilty I’ve felt all these years. I want to make it right. Make it up to you. To Christopher. But right now, I just want to be here for you. Are you okay?”

With the way he looks, Shannon would have thought she slapped him, instead of merely asking a question.

Then he glares at the ground, as if his eyes can burn a hole in it. There is a small tremble in his lips, but he bites down harshly, pushing it all down. “I’m fine,” he grits.

Watching him now, she wonders how much he pushed down when they were together, how much of his hurt she didn’t see, like he didn’t seem to notice her hurts. God, they had just been stupid kids, hurting themselves in doing something neither of them wanted to.

She nudges him and waits until he is looking at her again, before she gently says: “It’s okay if you’re not fine, you know. I mean, you love him, don’t you?”

His eyes go from a mild glower to a wide eyed stare and he lets go of his bottom lip to gape at her. For a few moments, he’s silent, then he says in a hushed whisper: “Oh my god, I love him.”

“Did you- did you not know that?” Shannon asks, almost cautious. Maybe her assessment that they ran into each other and it was a coincidence was more correct, but then how long have they been working together for Eddie to fall for him the way he has?

“Yeah,” Eddie squeaks. Then he looks panicked as he asks: “Does this- Am I… am I gay?”

Shannon freezes, unsure if it is considered rude to answer yes to that. Finally she settles on saying: “Do you think you’re gay?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie yelps. “Do you think I’m gay?”

“Uh…”

“Oh my god, you totally think I’m gay.”

“Well, you just agreed that you love a guy, pretty sure that’s kind of gay,” Shannon exclaims, hands fluttering about awkwardly. “And, like, I kind of thought you were… when I divorced you. But you can say you’re not.”

“I mean, yeah, but I didn’t know that,” Eddie says.

“You didn’t?” Shannon can’t help but ask.

Eddie groans and buries his head in his hands, but she can see his ears have turned pink. Embarrassed he asks: “Was I- Was I that obvious about it?”

“A little,” Shannon winces apologetically. “But I only noticed after Chris was born. Too caught up in it all before that, I suppose.”

“Sorry,” Eddie murmurs. “I- I wasn’t a great husband.”

“No, you weren’t,” Shannon sighs. “But I don’t think either of us were great at being married. God, remember how we fought?”

“Yeah, that got bad,” Eddie says, uncurling slightly and managing a small smile. He is relaxing again, seeming slightly more grounded than when she first arrived and accidentally made him question his whole identity. Them being able to joke about their marriage won’t fix everything and there is so much she still has to make up for, but it feels like a good first step.

With them on more solid footing, she feels a bit of curiosity burning, both at what happened with Chris after she left as well as with Evan and Eddie. Slightly suggestive, she asks: “So… you and Evan.”

“Buck,” Eddie says. “He goes by Buck.” Then he blushes at the correction that seems to come almost instinctive.

“Okay,” Shannon nods with a smile. “So… you and Buck.”

The blush get worse and he curls in on himself. “It’s not like that. We’re best friends. He probably doesn’t even like me like that. He’s just so good and nice. Too nice.”

Shannon can recognize that. She can still remember the way she said the same thing to him. It hadn’t been a compliment then, not entirely. But the reproach was mostly directed at herself. How she didn’t deserve his kindness.

Eddie rubs his face and groans again: “God, he is so fucking nice. And sweet. And good with Chris. He loves that kid to death, you know.”

Vaguely she thinks, that maybe her first assessment was right, except the being in love together kind, but just that Buck stayed to help. That realization, though, gets overshadowed by a stab through her heart at the words. At the knowledge that someone else is good with her kid, that Christopher has a bond that she was supposed to have with someone that is not her.

However, she knows that she can grieve the feeling of a lack of connection to Christopher, but it’s her that walked out. So, she swallows it and with a wobbly voice, she says: “I’m glad Christopher has him.”

“Me too,” Eddie says, voice tight. “Fuck, I don’t even know how I’m going to tell him about this. What can I even say to him? Do I bring him here to wait for Buck to wake up? Or do I wait until Buck is out of surgery? Let Chris sleep tonight and burden him tomorrow, but risk him feeling like he missed out on being here for Buck or – god forbid – saying goodbye to him?”

Shannon’s breath catches and she almost doesn’t dare to reply. She hesitates, wondering if Eddie is actually asking her on advice about raising Christopher again, if he trusts her with that, or if this is just him ranting.

Cautious, she asks: “Would the security of knowing Buck is okay later be better for him or the ability to be here for him now regardless of the situation?”

“The- the last,” Eddie finally decides. “He’d want to know. He’d want to be here.” He nods to himself, then goes to fish his phone out of his pocket and dials a number. “Hey, Carla. Did you see the news?”

She has no clue who Carla is and tries to remember if it’s anyone from Eddie’s vast extended family that he mentioned when they were married, but no one comes to mind. It sits wrong in her chest that she doesn’t even know the person who is with Christopher right now.

“Yeah, he’s in surgery. He’s probably going to live, but his leg- it’s bad. Really bad. Uh, can you- can you bring Chris to the hospital? I- I want to tell him myself. In person. And I can’t just leave Buck alone here,” Eddie’s voice snaps her back to the conversation.

When he replies to whatever Carla said, he sounds like there is something stuck in his throat. “Thank you so much. I- I don’t know what I would do without you.” Then he quickly hangs up, clapping a hand over his mouth and squeezing his eyes closed.

She pulls his tense form into her side. Her ass is cold and kind of numb from sitting on the ground outside, but she doesn’t care. She’s run so long from this. Not just from El Paso, her in-laws or Christopher, but Eddie too. They had never been there for each other, no matter how much they tried to be. If she wants to come back, that has to change too.

So, she holds him, lets him tuck his head into her neck and feels the way he cries. Even now, he is restraining himself, shoulders tight to prevent them from hitching and cries silent, only felt as hot tears hit her skin, not heard and carefully hidden from view.

Still, despite his restrain, he doesn’t succeed in stopping himself from crying and it takes a few minutes before he stops himself.

Once he does, he pulls away from her. He roughly rubs his tears away, frowning as if annoyed with himself that they’re even there. Before taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders.

Shannon just watches in a weird sort of fascination as a mask gets pulled on, then realizes with a start that mask is more familiar to her. She wonders if she’s a stranger to Eddie too. Wonders if they were ever anything other than two strangers pretending they weren’t.

“I need you to go,” is what he finally sees when he has gathered himself completely.

“What?”

Her heart constricts, cracks and gets folded in on itself to punch her in the gut. She knew not to expect a warm welcome, but she thought she at least broke the ice somewhat, opened herself up, apologized, and it seemed like Eddie accepted that somewhat. But now that is undone and he is shutting her out, like he always does.

The instinct of all their years together is to fight, to get angry, but she suppresses it. Eddie is not her husband anymore and she gave up the right to call herself Christopher’s mother. It’s up to Eddie to let her in again, to let her make it right. It crushes her that he doesn’t want her to, but it’s not on her to force this on him.

So, she swallows the bile that comes up. The taste of broken hope foul in her mouth.

However, then it seems Eddie’s words register in his own mind and he waves his hand around kind of panicky as he says: “Oh, no, not- not like that. I just- For now.” He pinches his own brow and takes a breath, then steadier he says: “I need you to go. For now.”

“Just for now?” Shannon asks, unable to help keep that vulnerably hopeful note out of her voice as she does.

“Yeah, just for now,” Eddie assures her. “I- I can’t- Right now, I- I have to worry about Buck and- and Chris and our- our job. Fuck, I- I only just realized I love him. I can’t- I need to process that, be here for Chris, for Buck. I can’t deal with you being here on top of that. I need to talk to- to Buck first.”

“Of course, yeah, no, I get that,” Shannon immediately says. She can’t even begin to imagine how tonight must have been for Eddie. Her showing up was a gamble and it paid off, but not right now. Not in the midst of all this.

Still, she is going to do it right this time, not abandon Eddie to his fate like she felt abandoned. It’s a terrible feeling, trust her. So, she checks: “As long as you’re gonna be okay. Are you alone here? Will you have anyone here other than Christopher? Someone you can lean on?”

She almost asks after Carla, but stops herself. It sounds jealous even in her own mind, even though it’s not meant like that. God, what if Carla is Buck’s girlfriend? That would make this whole thing even more of a mess.

“I’ll- uh, I’ll have Carla? Maybe,” Eddie offers. “She’s an at home care aid, watches Chris. That’s something.”

“Doesn’t sound like much of anything,” Shannon breaks kindly. “Is there anyone you can call? Didn’t you get here with coworkers?” She’s pretty sure she saw more people on the news.

Eddie winces at the mention of coworkers and he says: “Uh, they all kind of hate me right now.”

“What? Why?” Shannon frowns. She now remembers how their conversation started, how Eddie thought there was someone there to be disappointed in him. She can’t imagine why someone would be in these circumstances. Unless Eddie somehow caused the accident, but that seems unlikely.

“Uh, they all found out me and Buck are married,” Eddie mumbles, not meeting her eyes as his cheeks flush once more.

“You’re married?”

The flush only strengthens and Eddie ducks his head, still refusing to look her in the eyes. “Yeah, we, uh- we are. Marriage of convenience. So, Buck could adopt Chris and watch him while I re-enlisted. I- I didn’t want my mom to take him. She might not have given him back.”

That is a loaded sentence and Shannon needs a moment to process every part of it.

Firstly, marriage of convenience? Does Eddie mean to tell her that these two idiots got married, because it was useful and it’s taken him until now to even realize he’s in love with the guy? That he’s fucking gay? Really?

Secondly, Buck adopted Christopher. She doesn’t know why that feels like a punch in the gut. She already knew that Buck has a prominent spot in his life, that he took over for her after she left. But hearing that he has a legal claim on him, while she gave up hers, makes it real in a way that tears her up inside.

Thirdly, they did that to prevent Helena from taking Christopher. Out of everything, that’s the easiest to absorb. Helena has wanted to raise Christopher on her own from the moment he was born, even before that too. If it wasn’t a federal crime, Shannon maybe would have snapped at some point and just taken Christopher and ran across state borders to get away from her.

Once everything has settled, she has to pick what to focus on, finally deciding to say: “Only you, Eddie, only you.”

“Uh, thank you?” Eddie replies, horridly awkward in a way that reminds her of the eighteen year old she fell in love with once upon a time.

She giggles, unable to help herself, the laughter only growing stronger as Eddie squawks and gently pushes with a pout.

“Shut up.”

“I’m sorry,” she smiles. “It’s just very you. Bet it was your idea to lie about it to your coworkers.” He blushes. “Oh my god, it totally was.”

“I said shut up!” Eddie exclaims, but there is something lighter about him when he does.

Shannon holds her hands up in defeat as she smirks: “I will, I will.”

“Good.” Eddie eyes her suspiciously, then pouts: “It wasn’t meant to get this much out of hand. We just started lying and then we got in too deep and couldn’t get out anymore.”

In a way, the words remind her of what he did with her. The way he convinced himself that he loved her, kept going and going until they had a child, a marriage, a home, and he couldn’t get out. How both of them got trapped in his lie.

This time, he has a different lie, however. This time he probably kept telling himself it wasn’t that deep, that it was just convenience and didn’t mean anything. That no one had to know, because then no one could tell him what he was doing meant something. Then no one could force him to see what he’s been ignoring for so long.

Her chest constricts for him and she squeezes his shoulder. “I hope it works out well for you this time, Eddie.”

He frowns for a moment, probably confused how she got to that response, then smiles crookedly: “Me too, Shan.”

“Tell them they need to be there for you, yeah? And let them,” she asks, because she’s sure Eddie won’t let them, even if they extended an invitation. He has always been stubborn like that.

In response his face contorts and he doesn’t meet her eye as he says: “Maybe,” which is probably all she is going to get from him now, unless she wants to push, but she doesn’t.

As predicted, Eddie decides he’s had enough of this for today, because he hauls himself onto his feet and holds his hand out to pull her back up. A part of her feels like maybe she should call him out on it, but he’s probably has had a hard enough day. Plus, he still has to break the news to Christopher. She wishes she could be there for that, but knows it’s too soon. It wouldn’t be good for Christopher and she refuses to be a horrible mother. So, she lets Eddie pull her up.

Eddie pauses for a moment when they stand there, clearly hesitating for a moment. His spine straightens with resolve and then he quickly wraps too arms around her, squeezes her for a moment, before letting go and stepping back. “Uh, thank you. For coming.”

The bashful little look he gives warms something inside her and for a moment, she remembers the moments like this one that made her fall in love with him all those years ago.

However, she’s older now. Wiser too. The warmth is no longer the flutter it used to be, instead it’s a nostalgic fondness. A love she used to feel, now whittled down into something else, something more friendly. She likes that that still exists too.

“Of course,” she smiles. “Is it too early to make an in sickness and in health joke?”

“Probably,” Eddie snorts loudly at that. That stupid snort he always did when he genuinely found something funny. God, she missed that. She missed the friend she had.

“Then I’ll wait with that,” she grins widely. A little more timid, she asks: “Will you call me when you have news on Buck?” and news on if I can ever see my son again, she doesn’t say, though she’s pretty sure Eddie picks up on it.

He sends her a sympathetic look, but it doesn’t make her feel pitied like it used to do, even if Eddie has his mother’s face. “I will,” he promises. To add a bit of lightness to it, he jokes: “Does that mean you’ll unblock me?”

Shannon lets out a short laugh at that, though it’s more of a wet chuckle if she’s honest with herself. “I will,” she promises too. Both promises feel like more than coordinating an update.

For a moment, they just stand there, next to the ER entrance. Silently. Then Shannon jerks with her thumb in the general direction of her car and says: “I guess, I should go now?”

“Uh, yeah,” Eddie agrees, obviously feeling a little awkward about the whole thing. “Uhm, goodbye, then, I guess? For now.”

“Yeah… Goodbye. For now,” Shannon nods. She hugs him again, then quickly walks away before she can find another excuse to stay. Christopher has to deal with this first, before she can come back. She isn’t going to be a horrible mother. Not again.

So, she leaves.

Well, she goes to her car. Then she sits behind the wheel, telling herself to turn the key and drive away, but finding herself unable to do so. Before tonight, she thought she would never see Christopher again, that he was halfway across the country. But now he’s in the same city as her. Almost at the same building. So incredibly close.

Which means that Shannon sits right there. Unable to move, eyes trained on the ER entrance Eddie disappeared through moments earlier. She isn’t going to talk to him. She just wants to see him.

After fifteen minutes, there he is. He’s walking with an Afro-American woman, who is leading him gently. He’s dressed in his pajamas and looks a little sleepy, but he’s walking easily with his crutches, glasses firmly in place. He looks okay. Happy. Healthy. So big.

A breath catches in her throat and without her permission a tear slides down her face. It’s immediately followed by another, then another one, until she’s crying in her car. Alone.

It’s not even an entirely sad sort of crying. It is a little, but it also isn’t. Sure, she is sad because the baby she once held is now a little boy, easily standing on his own too legs and no longer tripping over his crutches and it aches, because she missed so much. But he looks okay. He lived. She didn’t irreparably fuck him up for life and that’s a relief she didn’t see coming, until it suddenly hits her now, sitting in her car, watching him.

She waits until he’s inside, then sits there for a few minutes longer. It’s a Herculean task, but she turns on the ignition and manages to drive away.

At home, she falls into bed feeling exhausted. She is anxious about how tomorrow will go. If Eddie will ever contact her again, if Buck will let her back in Christopher’s life, or if he’ll block her return while Eddie would have let her back in. If she will ever see Christopher again. If he will still want her there.

It gnaws on her. Her mind keeps running and sleep alludes her until the late hours. In the end, she finally manages a few hours fitful sleep.

However, she shouldn’t have worried, because when she finally wakes up the next morning, it is to a series of texts from a number she hasn’t had contact with in years. The contact name is still Edmundo, which she had done to be petty after the divorce. She changes it back to Eddie, before opening them.

Is a hospital a weird place to confess?

This is Eddie, by the way.

Chris took the news about Buck as well as he could.

Buck is okay too.

We’re with him now.

Might take a while to bring it all up.

A knot unclenches in her stomach and a smile comes on her face. It’s not perfect, it will be a while for her to be allowed back in, but Eddie isn’t pulling back and Christopher and Buck are both okay. She couldn’t ask for more.

So, she decides to be hopeful instead. She’s been working on herself. This is a good step for her. It’s maybe even a first step to getting some semblance of a social life, because when she’s honest has been a little lonely.

With a shit eating grin, she texts back: A hospital is a great place to confess

Hug Christopher tight from me?

Would it be ok for me to send Buck a card?

~~

A/N:

Does this AUAU primarily exist to fuck with people that check the titles for this fic on tumblr to trick them into thinking the reveal wasn’t happening in chapter 30? Mayhaps. However, I am happy about bringing Shannon back for this, just to let her know what happened in her absence, since that will always be iconic to me, because that is wild from her POV

I am sad I didn’t bring Shannon back in the main verse, but you can’t bring her back without having to deal with all the messy emotions that come with the way they split up and the insecurities and whatever and that isn’t what the main fic is about. And if I brought her back, that is what it would have become about. However, dipping my toe in it through these AUAUs is very fun :D

[thrashkink-coven]

Happy Venus day!!! ✴️

Very often I get the question from atheists and sceptics that’s like “what if Lucifer isn’t real? What if he’s just a voice in your head and you’re going crazy? Don’t you ever get nervous that he’s not really there?”

and to be honest it is a fair question, even though it’s usually asked with poor intentions.

My answer to that question would be no, I don’t worry about it, but I’ve definitely thought about it. I think anyone who works with any deities should think about it. Being vigilant and aware of our mental health is one of the most important things to consider as a practitioner. And as someone with close family members who have schizophrenia, I’ve taken the time to do extensive research about hallucinations and dissociative identity disorders. I grew up in a neglectful household and could very well have some mental condition I don’t know about. Considering these things doesn’t scare me, I don’t have any negative stigma towards those with mental health conditions like psychosis. If I truly had DID or something of the sort, I wouldn’t feel betrayed or foolish. I would just know that my brain works somewhat differently and that’s okay. I hate this attitude of “hey are you sure you’re not crazy?” because even if I did have some sort of disorder, I still wouldn’t be crazy. People with disorders are not crazy.

I don’t have hallucinations regularly, but I have experienced them before, so I at least know what warning signs to look out for in my own psychology. For the most part, fantastical experiences or conversations don’t happen in the mundane. I have to put a lot of focus and effort into channeling to have these deities. Lucifer is always with me, but I can’t always see him. If I send him away, he leaves.

In a situation where I discovered that Lucifer really was some kind of dissociative identity or hallucination, it wouldn’t be some life ruining revelation to me. In fact I don’t think it would change all that much. Lucifer’s presence has always been a positive one. He’s never given me paranoid thoughts or encouraged harmful behaviours. If he really was just a voice in my head, we’ll damn, he’s the nicest and wisest voice ever. If it’s really all just me, wow. I’m fucking amazing. How I managed to provide myself with this much guidance and advice is crazy.

and I think that’s the bottom line. Lucifer doesn’t cause me any harm, working with and worshiping him doesn’t bring any negativity into my life, and I he actively encourages me to be healthy and happy. So even if he wasn’t real, I’d still feel comfortable worshiping him. I’d probably still carry on much the same, because he’s only been good to me.

Lucifer is just as much a part of me as any of my spirit guides are. The Lucifer I interact with is a direct reflection of my psychology, my own understandings inform how he appears to me. To converse with him is also to converse with myself.

My work with one of my very first spiritual guides, Archangel Jophiel, was cantered a lot around dissecting and dismembering my scepticism. He really did make me feel crazy, and he forced me to confront my fear of being delusional. If I’m constantly paranoid that none of this is real, every single time I experience something fantastical in my deliberate searching and witchcraft, I would always run away and call myself crazy. At some point I had to accept what I was experiencing and make decisions based on that acceptance.

I just saw something really fucking crazy from Lucifer, I can either spend the rest of my life constantly trying to prove he’s real or fake, or I can just take the experience, decide and keep what’s valuable and leave the rest to speculation.

I say that I’m theistic because my experiences have lead me to believe that these energies really are alive. I do believe that Lucifer exists in reality as an energy and entity, I do believe he’s a real deity and that I’m reaching out to someone other than myself when I work with him. But I don’t know any of this, I just believe so. And I don’t need to know (and I couldn’t know because it’s not provable) because it doesn’t change my everyday reality either way. Living for Lucifer is a philosophy and state of mind. Whether or not the Morning Star hears me, I’ll still praise him, because I just think he’s that awesome. I’ve been lucky enough to get a response, but I cannot prove that to anyone else, and I don’t really care to.

But in ether scenario, I still win. Either I am actually working with him and he loves me and treats me well, or I’ve somehow mastered self deification and have the best case of psychosis ever. Either I’m going on astral journeys with my Gods or I have incredible, like truly phenomenal visualization skills. Either I have a wonderful God constantly looking out for me, or I’m just constantly extremely lucky. Either I have a beautiful altar that my Gods enjoy and appreciate, or I have a beautiful collection of trinkets and treasure that makes me happy every time I play with them. Either way, I’m happier and healthier now than I’ve ever been before.

I appreciate atheistic Luciferians and Satanists because they are proof that the underlying principles and practice still works even if they don’t recognize an actual Lucifer in their gnosis.

Tldr, if you think I’m crazy that’s totally okay. I probably am a little bit crazy. The important part is that I’m not hurting myself or others, not glorifying harmful behaviour or neglecting my mental health. Whether or not Lucifer is real doesn’t matter when I know I’m real.

[koi-p0nd]

Came at the speed of gay for Anya! If I may, can I ask for a reader who’s the copilot instead of Jambalaya and is just a happy go lucky but overly curious ray of sunshine who has a mad crush on Anya? No crash and they offer to let Anya to be their roommate when they’re back. Thank you so much!!

Imma see what I can do!! (And hope you don't mind that I still had Jimmy in this but with a different kind of occupation and a little bit more inspired from the Nice Jimmy AU :p)

"Sunshine Eyes and Moonlit Smiles."

Before boarding the Tulpar.

After having met everyone a few days before boarding the ship, somewhat aquintanced with eachother and whatnot. Learning eachothers different titles.

Curly as the Captain.

You as the Co-Pilot.

Anya as the Nursa.

Jimmy as the Tech/Machinery Mechanic.

Swansea as the Tech/Electrician.

And Daisuke as the Tech/Electrician Intern.

After boarding the Tulpar.

Everyone took their time getting comfortable and all, settling in with their things in their rooms/cabins. Getting familiar of the Tulpars layout.

Not many of you bothered to actually socialize the first few days, other than Daisuke talking with everyone and Curly occasionally asking for help or handing out the days tasks and/or chores.

As the time went on, around a few weeks or a month so did all 6 actually start to spend time and get to know eachother.

But you already knew Jimmy and Curly from before, so you kind of hung out with them more than the others at first.

It was all decent and such, but you had caught some sort of interest in Anya without even realising it.

Poor poor you, Jimmy and Curly would quickly understand that you were crushing on the nurse without knowing it.

They're going to tease the ever living shit out of you for it.

Fr on god.

Relationship with Anya.

It started off as just familiars with one another at first.

Occasional small talk in the halls and cafeteria/lounge during breaks.

Got to know eachother a little more over time and bonded to be friends during the game nights that Curly had with the whole crew.

You actually found her as an oddly funny, outgoing and interesting lady, but still kept for herself and exhausted.

Fuck, you hated being down bad for women like that.

And without even knowing that you were down bad for women like Anya, you just fell for her. Head over heels puppy love style, minus the constant clinginess.

Jimmy and Curly is teasing you about this, even after realising your feelings about Anya.

Swansea had noticed this as well but chose to not make any comments, thinking that he's "too old to make jabs at others" regarding their persons of interests.

Daisuke were thankfully oblivious.

But now you were scared of ruining your friendship with her by confessing your feelings to her.

Lets just say that Curly (with your permission) had dropped a slight hint about your crush to her instead of you.

You would just be a nervous mess and talk about something else entirely.

Long Nights with Anya on the Tulpar.

You and Anya would often sit on the couch in the lounge, looking at the night time window screen and quietly talk about life.

It became sort of a routine by now. When both couldn't sleep, one would find the other in the small kitchen area and just decide to talk about random things untill exhaustion came.

Tonight was particularly rough. The day had been long, boring and a few but extremely tideous tasks.

Due to your tiredness, not noticing how the words had slipped passed your lips and broke the quite atmosphere.

"Hey, Anya? This might sound...weird and unprofessional, being colleagues and all... But I've had these feelings for you lately..."

Your face were a deep red, brain restirging what you just said.

Anya would just sit there, a little awkwardly and very caught off guard by your sudden confession.

You just muttered a quick apology and a silent good night berofe running off in embarrasment.

After the Sudden Confession.

Things between you two were a little awkward, but not noticeable to the others.

That was untill the raven haired woman had cornered you in the Medical Room one day and confronted you about it.

It took a few hours for you to be able to actually leave.

But things were no longer tense, and you were kinda giddy.

The tiny fuzzy feeling of that peck on your cheek stayed the whole two days afterwards.

You didn't dare tell anyone about this, so it was just a little secret between you and Anya.

Coming Back to Earth.

You had thought about asking Anya to be your roomate once you guys got off, but she beat you to it.

She asked you that instead, with that warm cozy smile of hers that you just can't resist. So you eagerly accepted her offer.

Not long after, you two shared a small but decent and cozy apartment together in a downtown area with cozy shops and cafes.

Anya would often times just stare into your eyes, always questioned by you as to why and would give the same answer or similar ones.

"Your eyes looks like a sunrise in early october."

October is her favourite season of the year. And to hear your eyes looking like a sunrise around that time always made you feel all putty and warm inside.

Bonus!

You two eventually started dating after a few months.

Anya miraculously got into a nearby nursing school while you got a job at a nearby restaurant.

So you would earn in the money for your halfs of the rent, bills and foods while Anya payed the other half with her study loans.

Once Anya graduates from nursing school and saved up enough money (this is like, a few years of dating), she started to plan yours two wedding. And how she's gonna propose for you.

You two had a small little venue and wedding, having invited the crew and some very close family members.

You two also got a sphynx and mainecoon.

Absolute couch potatoes and food motivated.

[radioiaci]

Pausing in his stride as Michael essentially cut him off the path, Alastor paused to glance down at him with a perplexed gaze. Death? Not quite something he thought made sense for individuals who were already dead - to have to die again. His ear twitched at the implication, at least kind enough to not interrupt Michael's apparent explanation as to how that worked - which would, apparently, allude to him... knowing that said redemption was possible...

"Many Sinners would risk such a thing, actually," he replied simply. Not him but - he was not exactly falling within the spectrum of the norm. "The issue is that they do not yet know it is possible. But a gamble like that is not an unlikely thing for one to bet on if it leads them out of a fractured and cursed existence such as this."

Alastor shook his head somewhat.

"Beyond that, you are only proving my point. If such an opportunity at goodness is so far fetched or comes with such a price, there is still precious little reason to risk vulnerability. And in the context of myself? You and I both know there is no such outcome waiting for me in any sense of the word."

His dull stare fixed itself on Michael - perhaps there was something slightly apologetic to be found in it, but he would never say so explicitly. Alastor knew that the angel was making colossal strides to try to teach the radio demon that opening up would benefit him - but decades of learned obstinance did not vanish in the span of a few weeks.

"The things I have told you of myself so far is more than I have shared with anyone else in many years. Take that for what it is." - and appreciate it, said the implication. Michael had weaseled his way quite a fair bit close to Alastor in a relatively short amount of time. To be asking for more so rapidly was to ask too much. And he knew it.

It simply remained to be seen if that would be enough for Michael or not.

"Remind me where else we are going?" He prompted, making an attempt to convince the other to change the subject.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤ"It also requires death." Michael stated, raising his gaze up to the man beside him. "And I don't mean that figuratively, if there is such a way to take it as such. Literally, if one wishes for a new afterlife, they have to die." Perhaps that sounds a bit dramatic, perhaps it seems silly to think of it so simply, but the fact is still there and it appears to be one the Princess of Hell has not considered. But one she should very much sooner rather than later. Michael has been tip toeing around the subject with her, fearful of bringing it up.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤ"It makes sense, doesn't it? Once you really consider what she's doing, Alastor? Changing the place in which a soul has fallen once it has has experienced death." He took a few steps forward and crossed in front of the demon's path, getting him to stop walking so Michael could better have this conversation.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤHis legs are so long and Michael is very short.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤ"Your soul is weighed upon your death and that is what dictates where you go when you die. Every action you've taken, every choice you've made, the virtues and the sins. Each action leaves a mark on your soul. And when that soul is judged it's place in the Heavenly order is decided. And all of this happens, as I said, when you die."

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤMichael doesn't have any say in that, it's all a system already in place. It's a system they've adhered to since Lucifer granted the world free will. Since death became a possibility. All souls have to have a place to go, and Hell was just where those unworthy ended up. Doomed to a fate of eternal suffering with the Fallen Angel.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤ"To get an afterlife, a soul has to experience death. As long as the soul itself isn't shattered by angelic steel." Since that would be a permanent death, eradicated entirely. "Charlie's dream is ambitious, but I don't believe she's considered the ramifications and the exact nature of what she wishes to do will cost. After all, who would willingly risk a second death just to see if they could get into Heaven?" How desperate would someone have to be? Especially since recovering from death isn't an instant thing. Regeneration like that takes time.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤYou lose hundreds of years possibly all for a chance at something that might not even work.

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ㅤThere are always consequences to what sounds to good to be true.

[slaytheusurper]

⭑ Frantic Friction ⭑

Ewanverse masterlist

A/N: HELLPP THE MICHAEL GAVEY BRAINWORMS GOT MEEE!!!!

Request: No

Pairing: Michael Gavey x (Not present) Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Michael watching porn, male masturbation, bed humping/grinding, whiny/needy/horny/shaky Michael ;)

Summary: Michael had a stressful day, who could blame him for indulging in some porn?

Word count: 1.1k

Michael moved through the hallways of Oxford, almost racing past students with determination. He had been so stressed and irritated recently, any group project was hell for him but being paired with Oliver? 

His face was red with embarrassment as he thought back to that night. That night when Oliver left him for them. He was glad when he finally reached his dorm building and fished his keypass out of his pocket to open the door.

Michael made his way up the stairs until he reached the right floor, calmness already started to flow through him at being in his familiar place. When he reached his single dorm door, he unlocked it with his key and shut the door behind him.

A sigh left his lips, he had cleaned his room before he left and he already felt more relaxed at the sight of his bed. Dropping his backpack carelessly on the floor, not before fishing out his laptop, he moved to his single bed. 

He kicked off his shoes and placed the laptop in his lap once he was sat. His mind was already being plagued with thoughts about her. The only thing that had somewhat kept him sane but also completely insane these past few weeks was you.

Michael thought he hated you, at least he did at first. But then he had a couple of encounters with you and you were so sweet and kind. When Oliver dumped and embarrassed him at the pub you stood up for him. He was pretty sure that that was when his obsession started.

You were sadly part of Felix’ group, even though you also had your own two best friends you spent time with more often, he coincidentally noticed. No he wasn’t stalking you, but he just noticed things quickly. He was quite the observer after all.

His cheeks were already dusted pink when he opened his laptop, he held the ‘on’ button and the screen lit up his face. He typed in his password; crunchie03081984, and opened his search browser. 

He almost forgot to switch to incognito before typing in the shameful word, pornhub. His eyes scanned the home page for about a minute until he typed in a bit of a too accurate description of her. He added solo masturbation, as he just wanted to imagine you, alone in your room, pleasuring yourself to the thought of him too.

He scrolled through the hundreds of video thumbnails on his screen but paused when he came across something that piqued his interest. A girl that looked a lot like you, humping a pillow. His mouth watered, cheeks flared and cock stiffened at the thought.

He clicked on the video and made sure his volume was at the lowest, the girl was in only a bra and no panties, lace stockings and a pillow between her thighs. Michael's breathing became heavier when she started to grind her clit on the rougher fabric of the pillow.

Quiet moans left the girl and she gripped the pillow tighter the faster and harder she humped it. Michael’s entire body felt like it was on fire and his cock was now impossibly hard. The more he watched, the more his cock ached for relief. 

The girl came closer and closer to her orgasm and as she moaned, Michael panted along with her. After three more minutes the girl trembled as she came with a loud moan, riding out her high before Michael closed his laptop in frustration.

He almost got stuck in his shirt with how fast he pulled it off, unbuckling and unzipping his pants as well. He then removed his underwear and his red, precum leaking cock laid pulsing on his thigh. He got up to throw his clothes next to the bed on the floor and to fetch a towel.

He so badly wanted to try what the girl you did to her your pillow. He still grimaced at the thought of doing that to his only pillow and was in no mood to do laundry this late. He instead settled for his mattress combined with a towel on top, his mouth watered at the thought of the amazing friction it would give.

When he had gotten the towel from his closet, he walked back over to his bed and pulled back his sheets to expose his mattress. He then laid the light blue towel out and climbed on his bed. Michael almost awkwardly tried to find a good position, he rested on his elbows, slightly supporting himself on his knees and lower legs.

His cock rested on the spread out towel, the ever so slight friction already making him whimper. Michael rolled his hips experimentally down against the towel, the feeling of his foreskin being grinded over his tip was intense and spurred him on to hump his cock against the towel harder.

His precum was already turning a patch on the blue towel dark and Michael only started to hump the fabric faster. His breathing became heavier and he let out frantic groans, the feeling of his sensitive tip rubbing against the towel made his head dizzy.

His moans started to fill the room as well as the creaking of his bed as he now laid more flat on his bed, allowing for more pressure on his cock. The way it laid between the towel covered mattress and his belly allowed for his foreskin to perfectly rub over his tip. 

Michael humped faster and harder, a sheen of sweat over his body as his ass cheeks clenched from the pressuring movement. His cock grinding over the towel as heavy puffs and huffs left his lips. He felt his legs slightly cramping but couldn't stop due to the pleasure.

“F-fuck, s-so good-” He whined, his hips moving hard and frantic against the bed. He was so fucking desperate for release, imagining he was humping into you instead. Shooting his load deep inside your walls as you begged for his cum, strangled moans left him at the thought.

He was so incredibly close, his breaths now short and high, moans louder and louder, not giving a fuck if anyone heard. He was completely in his own world. His own moans spurred him on and he now fucked himself so hard against the towel his tip was sensitive and red. 

Humping harder and faster, he cried out as his balls tightened and ropes of cum pooled underneath him on the towel. “Aaah- fuuuccckkk!” Michael cried, he could feel the stickiness underneath him as he kept grinding against the towel, only stilling when he became too sensitive, almost painful. 

He let his entire body collapse as he was still high in the clouds from his intense orgasm, his cock softening underneath him. And so he laid there, covered in his own mess, legs shaking and covered in sweat. He had to do this more often.

Divder by: @saradika

[kcalsforhim]

˖⋆࿐໋ friday 27th of december

⋆˙⟡

TW FOR THE END OF MY ENTRY !!!!! for pic of sfx blood makeup… T_T

friday hmmmm.. well that was yesterday… i woke up and weighed myself ! i was half a kg less then the day before that… so that was very relieving T_T do you guys like a picture of a guy in a bra ? it was the smallest size they have at the local store… i tried to make it look flattering… but i feel like im too fat too pull this whole… feminine man in a bra look off…

i got up and did god knows what and then ate breakfast !

breakfast :

1 slice of home made bread cut into 2 pieces, the smallest bit of zuivel spread on both, with some smoked salmon, and a bit of crushed salt and pepper (gamechanger)

half a small bowl of vanilla pudding that was left over… and what looks like a big blob of cinnamon

a cup of some kind of herbal tea with some lemon in it

the sandwich was GOOD ! the salt and pepper ontop and just the whole combo was very rich and flavourful,

(can i interrupt this by saying im writing this at work at 8 am and some fuckass came in and said so much with such little actual words and completely fried my brain COMPLETELY like omg ? ok back to what i was saying……)

the salt and the pepper ontop changed it from being a good breakfast to being a really enjoyable breakfast ! the bread is i think the best my moms ever made… i can’t exactly describe it… it was dense and maybe a bit… im not sure, not too dry… which i really like… its closer to one of those bread buns rather than a regular old slice of bread… and so thin too !

the tea was gross…. my mom put a bit too toooo much lemon… so much so it stopped being enjoyable and sour, and went straight to being bitter….

after eating, i felt replenished but also somewhat moody. i started on my treadmill having already collected 2k steps from just doing god knows what, and i was determined to get to 10 k… i kind of zoned out the 75 mins i was walking tbh… but the last 5 minutes were stressful cause my step counter absolutely REFUUUUSED to update and this kind of ticked me off… sighs… i needed 200 steps left so i manually counted them at a certain point and got off even if my step counter didn’t update… waah

then i layed in bed… probably fell half asleep at some point, then got up to eat AGAIN… fatty… you see yesterday i wanted to overeat a lot.. on… a lot… a lot… of food… everything you could think of… not only that but i didn’t smoke at all and had had 0 energy drinks (helps reduce appetite and also boosts energy obviously)

dinner :

1/4 of my bowl was filled with some goulash and maybe 10 pieces of that pasta ?

in a small bowl i had some more pasta, maybe another 10 pieces or so… and some vanilla sugar on it…

a small bowl with some salad

a banana mashed up and microwaved

the goulash is basically just meat left to simmer alllll day long on low in a special pot, making the meat very tender and soft and quite flavourful… but im not a fan of this dish when eating it with pasta… only with mashed potato… so i wasn’t feeling it, that’s why half my bowl is fucking empty lol

the sweet pasta thing, usually you’d also put sunflower oil on it, my mom always made it when i was a child, but ill rather swallow a gun whole than directly consume sunflower oil

the salad was leftovers, and the banana was me wanting something sweet idk. surprisingly good tasting to warm up a banana, i ate it with the sweet pasta and the warm banana made it more good… idk… maybe struggle meal ?

idk what i did, but i ate AGAIN cause i was going crazy i can’t recall what happened inbetween i think this was veeery shortly after dinner

snack :

one piece of dark chocolate, and 2 lotus cookies (came in a pack)

it was good, i felt guilty but it’s like i couldn’t be helped lol… atleast it was just a controlled portion and not just… like eating handfuls of everything in sight kind of deal… i’ve done that before soooo hey ! progress.. i would NOT consider this a binge or overeating

after this my mom asked if i wanted to go on a walk with me, and i thought YESSSS I SCORED !!!! i already had 10 k so it’ll only add onto my successes !!!! so we went on this huuuuuge walk… huge ! it was soooo cold like 2 degrees out… brrr

we went to the store and i got some stuff ! taco shells… and beans… i wanted tacos… ofc i will make them myself, you will see it in my blogpost tonight or tommorow… it depends… and it will be a struggle meal bcs im rlly autistic and specific about my food T_T i asked my friend if he can spare me the cost and he couldn’t… so im not chatting with him till later… he said by next week he’ll have 500 euro so he can talk to me then…

anyways when i got back i had something like 17-18 k ! i was so happy with myself even if i felt guilty… i went into bed and i started drawing again… while chewing on vitamin pills ? see i don’t know what happens when i really want to eat BAD why the fuck would you chew on that ??????

i completed the lineart completely by this point and sighed in relief… then i started colouring my characters first… first my favourite… hehe.. i coloured him in completely and then my second favourite, i half completed him… cause then i remembered i had work

i put my ipad away and i layed in bed and forced myself to go to bed… i went to sleep so early my parents weren’t even sleeping yet, so i could sleep with no headphones, no earbuds, just pure silence… infact it was so quiet i didn’t even put on a video… it was such a weird sleep

i remember having a nightmare but i can’t remember exactly what, most likely something with food or something like that you know ? T_T

that was my day !!! weirdly extensive… but im in one of those moooooods you know ?

ignore monday ew… this is what we call beaaaaaauifull consistency ~ i love it !! you see those beautiful numbers ????? i feel so good about it i kind of never want to be under 10 k again TwT

cals : 3 days binge free !!!! today was hard, but i only had controlled portions of everything, so i see it as a win… feel free to disagree tho… i do understand today was a BAD food day… i ate so much !!!!

steps : 18.6 k !!!

my obsession with this soundtrack needs to be studied LMFAO. this track makes me laugh bcs she’s always playing her stupid rpg when it plays going online with her teacher ??? that’s crazy ToT

TW scaaaaaaaaaaaaaars

bonus !!! TwT i thought these turned out sooo cute… the night before i wasn’t feeling so well, so i got some courage and cvt the inside of my arm… i had been wanting to for a long long time… it wasn’t so bad !!!! i started it off really carefully, but slowly did it more and more… by the end i had one last one at the top that showed a little bit of bubbles, just barely :3 those kinds are my favourite ever ~ they hurt soooooo good …

⋆˙⟡

[fictionadventurer]

I really think we're not taking advantage of the potential for Catholic lifestyle shows. Shows for parents that teach about traditions and devotions to incorporate in family life--prayers, crafts, foods, etc. Cooking competitions where people make traditional foods associated with different feast days in different cultures. Travel shows about different countries' unique Catholic traditions. Just stuff that makes it clear that Catholicism can be woven into the everyday parts of life.

[l-in-the-light]

I'm just gonna leave it here lol. Come on, Zoro can be pretty dumb, that's the point of it. Always has been. You think Zoro even noticed he chomped down some razorblades? Ofc he didn't! It was just some crunchy food for him. And he's too airheaded to realize only his lunchbox had anything crunchy in it lol. There's a reason why Luffy and Zoro are besties, and that reason is: they're both kinda dumb. Personally, it only makes me like them more.

But if anyone wants to go serious route here, I think we should instead ask this question: what made Zoro this way? Is he so used to eat trash to survive that a bit of poison and inedible things don't affect him all that much anymore? When we look at Zoro's backstory we can realize that he was pretty much always alone. No family, always training. Like sure, he had the dojo, but he didn't think they're his family or at least we never see anyone treat Zoro this way or him addressing them as family. He called Kouzaburo just "some old guy". No one told him they're all probably relatives either (we know thanks to SBS that they, in fact, are somewhat related). Zoro lost his parents and was on his own ever since (his father died fighting against pirates, his mom was a bandit and died of illness). How did he find the dojo, what did he do to survive before they took him in? Let's not forget Zoro was always full of pride and very stubborn. I doubt descendants of samurais would just tell him "we need to take you in, otherwise you will starve". Maybe they told him instead that they will take him in only if he promises to train (because he has potential), so in exchange he tried to be good with swords, so he can somewhat repay them for their kindness and care. Like to show their efforts to train him didn't go to waste.

Anyway, my point is, Zoro at some point in childhood might have also learned how it's like to be starving what a coincidence, it's like with Sanji huh. Luffy also knows that feeling, when Garp left him in the jungle alone and told him he needs to survive by himself. He had to try out things to eat if he didn't want to die of hunger. We can laugh that Luffy is so stupid that he's eating any mushrooms he finds, but that's probably something he learned as a kid to do to survive. So I bet Zoro, who can eat any trash you give him, is also showing us he didn't have an easy time as a child.

Disclaimer of sorts: And before anyone protests that only Sanji is allowed to have a starvation as a theme in his backstory, otherwise it won't be unique anymore, I dunno, what about Nami (who lived in poverty and at times had to survive on tangerines alone), Usopp (what did he eat after his mom passed away? who took care of him?), Chopper (yeah, he kinda ate a devil fruit because he was hungry and somehow assumed that looks edible huh), Robin (lately it's been revealed how she had to eat from trash to survive) and outside Strawhats, what about Law? After he got out of Flevance and before he joined Donquixotes, he had to survive somehow. The only possible way he could have done that is by living on the streets and by eating trash or stealing. There's a lot of starving kids in One Piece, that theme is not exclusive to Sanji, but it also doesn't make it any less special. Sanji himself is what made it actually special; by vowing he will feed all the starving ones, no matter what troubles it will bring him, no matter if someone he feeds has bad intentions or might be a bad person. He's not letting anyone starve and nothing is ever gonna make him regret feeding people, even if they try to harm him instead of showing gratitude. That's what's truly special about Sanji's backstory, the starvation bit is just allowing him to relate to starving people more. You can say all you want about Germa, but Judge didn't starve his son, and ever since he left his family Sanji worked on the cruise ship and didn't really experience hunger either.

The Razor Blade scene: Character assassination, a joke, or something else?

I've been seeing people discuss two small scenes connected to each other post Fishman Island and in Punk Hazard, the first where the two are bickering and they say this:

And a scene in Punk Hazard where Sanji packed lunches for Luffy, Zoro, Robin, and Usopp and Zoro is making "crunching" noises in the panel, and Oda reveals in an SBS that Sanji did actually put razor blades and poison in Zoro's food:

I have seen claims of character assassination in this scene for Sanji, considering his position on food being something everyone has a right to and his refusal in Whole Cake Island to put poison in the cake they plan to give to Big Mom:

I understand that comparing the two scenes, it does look like Sanji is abandoning his ideals just to get back at Zoro in their fight. But we need to look at both what Oda is saying in the SBS and also Zoro and Sanji's relationship to understand this scene, and why I don't believe this breaks Sanji's character or his ideals.

In the SBS, Oda ends the answer with "The serious nature of their fight is what makes it interesting." Going back one panel and seeing what triggered this fight:

It was Zoro being a lil shit and calling Sanji "Nosebleed-kun." That's to say, this fight is no more serious than their usual bickering, and Oda is making fun of that. Ultimately, this scene and the lunchboxes is a running joke, so that is one thing to keep in mind is that the scene, and Sanji by extension, is not serious about this fight. Of course, jokes are not immune to committing mischaracterization, so we have to look at their relationship too to make sense of it fully.

So why did Sanji actually put poison and razor blades in Zoro's food if he believes that poison shouldn't be used in food? I think at the end of the day, we have to remember that Sanji would never hurt anyone through food, especially the ones he cares about. And he does care about Zoro, it is shown time and time again that they watch out for and care for each other, from Long Ring Long Land, to Thriller Bark and Saoboady, and in Wano. My point is that Sanji knows that Zoro is a freak of nature and wouldn't actually be hurt by the razor blades or the poison, and that he would finish the food.

Zoro actually eats the damn food and literally says nothing about it, Oda didn't even think people would catch this it was such a small detail, but it's one I really like. One because, honestly, it is a funny joke to me, but also it shows a level of trust and understanding of each other? Sanji knows that Zoro is such a brute that he can just fucking. Chomp on metal (which. you know he does on the regular anyways LMAO) and have a little bit of poison go through him and he's literally fine. This is no worse to me than Sanji kicking him. And Zoro just accepting what he's been given, literally no complaints, and he finishes the food and doesn't waste it, because he DOES respect what Sanji does for him and the crew on a daily basis.

Ultimately, the difference in this scene and in Whole Cake Island is that Sanji KNOWS that he isn't actually gonna hurt Zoro by pulling this on him, hes looking to call Zoro on his taunt and be an annoying brat back to him. Bege is seriously asking him to kill Big Mom through the food that he makes, something that's on a completely different level then him pulling a prank on Zoro. The razor blade joke no different in this scene as well in Wano:

I don't think this is out of character for Sanji, it is their usual pettiness on full display, but also serves as a nice small detail into how they understand and trust each other.

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post