#thanks for hearing me out i guess
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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hoh nancy wheeler
(tagging @netflixnormalthings for their awesome research and screenshots and @lumaxramblings bc we had Many discussions abt hoh nancy)
so a few weeks ago i made this post, about nancy not wearing earplugs and using the shotgun (and guns in general over the seasons) and how this affected her hearing. but then it really did get me thinking: why don't we see more content about hard of hearing nancy wheeler?
i see hoh steve all the time, which is fair! steve has gotten his fair share of head trauma and no doubt has problems from this. (and i do love hoh steve! don't get me wrong!) but i rarely see anything about hoh nancy, even though she has consistently dealt with firearms since season 1 without the proper ear protection.
just for reference: whispering is around 30 decibels, normal speaking voices around 60 db, and anything above 70 db for extended amounts of time will start to damage the ear, and anything over 120 db will cause immediate damage to the ears.
for reference: in season 4, nancy fires the shotgun four times while blasting vecna out of the window. in season 3, she fires hoppers shotgun a few times during the fight at the cabin, and this doesn't include firing at billy or the fireworks they all set off inside starcourt (which, should've given them all a little hearing damage, if we're honest).(fireworks decibels + info under the cut!) nor does it account for the times she shot at the demogorgon in season 1.
anyway, the point is: there is no way that nancy is not hard of hearing. firing a shotgun once without protection is enough to blow your hearing out, but four times? and it's not even the first time she's dealt with firearms. she's shown to be one of the most, if not the most, proficient with guns. noise induced hearing loss is a very real thing, it damages the hair cells within the ear--these cannot grow back. and shotguns breach the threshold where just one close and sudden exposure can cause instant and permanent hearing loss.
there isn't much else for me to say here, this was really just a comprehensive guide, or even "proof" that nancy should be hard of hearing, or at least a wider accepted headcanon than it is. give me nancy, who, after even season 1, starts to have a hard time hearing what other people are saying, and learns to read lips instead. give me stubborn nancy who won't admit that there's anything wrong, that she can hear just fine, thank you, and she doesn't need help. i know nancy typically has the best hearing out of the main cast, usually the one who hears the danger first, but i don't know...it just seems more plausible to me for nancy to be hard of hearing.
#stranger things#nancy wheeler#hoh nancy#idk i just think it should be a bigger headcanon! i've only read one fic with hoh nancy in it and :((( it makes me so sad.#uhhhh i don't really know what else to tag this as lol#st headcanons#i guess?#anyway. it's just something to consider!!!#not going to tag this as ronance bc it's not but i know yall would Get It#also i added links to like the cdc and a few other websites just to back it up so if they don't work pls lemme know!!#ok thank u <3#i also feel like i should make this disclaimer again lmao: i have shot a shotgun b4 without ear plugs. IT WILL BLOW YOUR HEARING OUT
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bubbles blossom and buttercup
#hear me out#The color schemes don't exactly match but the personalities do#Hakuryuu is bubbles because he's the emotional one who can also be aggressive when needed or pushed#Alibaba is blossom because he's a good leader type he's not bossy like blossom is tho but still#And Judar is buttercup cause he aggy and likes to fight ppl#thank you for coming to my ted talk#Magi meme#Magi#alibaba saluja#Hakuryuu Ren#Judar#I guess Aladdin is professor utonium idk 😭
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if any of my american friends see this, I understand what you're going through and I care you
but jesus fucking christ is it annoying to watch every social media feed just. flooded with doomerism and whining... I know this is just a sub product of american global influence as a whole but it's just frustrating and tiring to have to be invested in one single country's politics cause they're gonna bite everyone's ass. this behavior isn't unique either, this happens after any election, it's just when it's other countries they do that in their segregated "side of the internet" and americans are the whole internet so that's literally all everyone is seeing right now
and I don't wanna say this, cause I get the panic, I really do, been there done there but guys.... you're not special. your fascistic government didn't become suddenly fascistic overnight and it certainly isn't a Unique brand of evil, it's as conservative as the rest of the world's major powers right now! you just didn't care about that as long as you had the illusion of personal safety. congrats! it's gone now. welcome to the real world, oh Regular White American who just suddenly realized they don't have as much say in the order of things as they thought they had! ! you're gonna be fiiiine. you're gonna be fucked over but you're gonna survive just like the rest of the world being fucked over by your stupid government (except for the people it had and continues to kill, obviously)
fuck, this sounds really evil and mean and everyone and their mother are already at each other's throats but ghrrrrrhh I just need to get this frustration out somewhere
#vent#i guess#there's also an even meaner part of me rn that's laughing and screaming 'oh you get it now? you finally get how it feels to be powerless#against an overwhelming conservative majority choosing your fate for you???'#welcome to the fucking club buckos!!#please i hope the people I'm talking about just scroll by#but I'm over here consoling people like 'hey dude the politics sucks even more where i live and I'm fine you're gonna be fine too'#and get hit with 'yeah it helps to hear about places that suck it makes me feel like theres hope for me v.v' like dude.#you thought usa was paradise where nothing could go wrong or smth???#or that any other place on earth with less personal freedom is inherently unlivable and can only be thought of as 'thank god I'm not there'#i get the sentiment. i really do but man being on the other end of 'glad I'm not *there*' is so fucking othering#and I'm not even from anywhere in the global south not even from places it's past personal freedom and straight into being KILLED#and it's not like I'm exempt from this sort of behavior either but MAN..... not even talking about how palestinians are treated rn#cause this has been called out ad nauseam by people way more well-worded than me#this was supposed to be a vent post or smth? i lost my track of thought. gonna hit post and go offline and delete this later
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Question if Mukuro is based on Kushana, does that make Hiei Nausicaa?
This is not ship Do not interact with this as such.
#i know one school of thought could b that he might be the kurotowa.... but thats wrong hiei has 0 thoughts 0 ambitions 0 plans#kurotowa was planning 24 7 365-6 any time kushana is mia he schemes when she reappears he goes “welp guess i abandon my plans”#not in a “u dont have to-” “no im gonna” way begone that thought that man is constantly being bribed and pinged about plots#and he keeps having to tell them “no kushanas still alive i was working on that but sorry shes too good at what she does”#i dont mean to imply hiei is nausicaa bc head empty hiei is nausicaa if she didnt have sparrowhawk i mean yupa#and other relationships to remind her that she doesnt believe in escalatory violence to achieve “peace” & if she hadnt thought#day in day out about how she wants to achieve a tangible but difficult to achieve life goal she is nonetheless willing to strive towards#yyh things#hiei#mukuro#........... having princess hiei of the valley of the wind visions thank you me#not every scene but that one “dont be scared in the forest that kills you if youre too scared to think properly” particularly#imagining nausicaa and hiei meeting and nausicaa is very steady patient and very intelligent and is extremely unimpressed w hiei#she hears about the “and what if I say the word 'hot' what then idiot” and shed be like (closes eyes) “that sounds like him” (suffering)#nausicaa
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I know this is random but reading your blog and seeing your art made me so motivated I made my 1st animation ever (not counting pixel art ones), after not drawing digitally in months and it looks kinda basic and it isn't colored but I made it and I'm really happy with it so I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for motivating me to make digital art again! I hope you have a wonderful day/night :)
MKJSJWJW HI!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME THATS GREAT!!! Animatics need time and patience so the fact you went straight for it is so cool!!!! I bet it looks lovely!
Hope you have the greatest day/night too!
#I'm gonna go in a bit of a ramble in the tags because this got to me#but this legit means the entire world to me#i had ups and downs and good and bad times so its something i even forgot about for a while#but all i ever wanted was to make silly things and have those silly things be of help to someone#that has always been like. my main objective and reason as an artist other than liking to draw#i always hear about the potential i got to helping out in the world and yada yada and i decided i wanted to make it in the unconventional-#and small ways. i wanted to make people happy. entertain them when they are going through something. inspire to see things in a better light#its stupid and simple and something anyone can do but it was a wish of mine#hearing i actually got to do that gives me hope this can actually work out so thank you so much for bothering on telling me this#for a while i forgot the little things mattered too. but you helped me remember it#I've had people do art about ideas i had. i had people laughing with an art i did. i forgot those things meant the world all the same#and i forgot those little things are what had gotten me out of depression in the first place lmao#it helped once so i guess it can help out twice#thank you for telling me and im happy i helped somehow!! i'd love to see it! but either way wooooo!!! you make that art#well this was a cringe ramble lmao#might delete later#(the ramble. the ask im putting in my wall)#but yeah this is nice :]#ask#anon
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Bellara lowkey pissing me off with all this feeling guilty bs
#vague spoilers in the tags so dont read em if you havent played yet#but feeling like the elves need to apologize for this shit?#are you KIDDING ME#genuinely fuck that#out of everyone in Thedas the elves got screwed over the most (arguably) and she wants us to APOLOGIZE?#like first of all theyre not our 'gods' so lets just put a stop to that entire rhetoric immediately#they betrayed their own people. ELVES.#and then Mythal's actions led to everything else that followed#including humans even further fucking over elves#so what exactly are the elves meant to apologize for?#Sorry for being so enslaved & betrayed by literally everyone so hard that it ruined the world for all of us?#yeah fucking SORRY I GUESS.#anyway she better cut that shit out i dont wanna hear such nonsense again#elves are gonna have enough bs to deal with im sure after all this is over#dont need to add pressure of feeling like the elves OWE something to the modern world who would rather just see them extinct#i cannot overstate how furious that sentiment makes me#meanwhile neve pissing me off too over here like ''i dont expect you to care about dock town''#okay fuck you too?#Treviso literally had no one#Minrathous had the shadow dragons#and not to put too fine a damn point on it#but (naturally) im playing as an elf#and not that i LIKE the idea of the Venatori seizing control#but just like super honestly in the grand scheme of things#i have no love for Minrathous.#and yet still have i not been willing to help? but she doesnt want to talk about that.#she claims to understand that i had to make an impossible choice and yet still she punishes me for it.#THE FACT SHE WONT HEAL ME IN BATTLE IS WILD BTW#anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk#things are going much better with the other companions
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horror's jacket fluff has probably accumulated so much DISGUSTINGNESS over 7 years in it that it's managed to acquire it's own signature Dog Smell (TM). however i think this would be a prime opportunity to pet him and then get some of that disgusting smell on you because for some reasons Dog Smell is just unavoidable when you pet a dog with a lot of hair
he'd hate it but awww awww whos a good boy (ノ´∀`*) whos a good boy (*≧∪≦) YOU ARE!!! awww so cute you didn't commit all those murders against innocent people you were innocent ( ̄▽ ̄)/ such a good boy!!!! (gets beheaded) (he got too embarrassed)
#forcing the dog horror agenda down people's throats#CAT DOG RABBIT TRIO I SCREAM INTO THE DISTANCE#cat and dog run circles chasing eachother around the sleeping rabbit (MURDER TIME TRIO REAL TRUST I WAS THE AIR)#THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME. guess where the inspiration came from. THATS RIGHT (triglycercule owns a dog) (for context)#my favorite recurring theme i keep on bringing up 4 some reason is horror not wanting 2 be treated like hes feral or animalistic#he is a rational man. he can think for himself. he isn't a DOG. SO THEN STOP TREATING HIM LIKE HE'S NOTHING MORE THAN SOME CAGED CANINE#(glares at killer and dust. dust simply looks off to the side (not paying attention) and killer slightly smiles bigger (creep))#it would be SO fucking demeaning. something killer does to horror to piss him off EASILY#leave it to killer to find a way to get on horror's nerves all the time. thank god dust is much less pissy than horror 🙏#can just SEE the thought bubble of horror as a dog above dusts head#he wouldn't verbalize it (because why would he need to) but dust can see the dog parallels (truly like me)#maybe he'd say it on an off day when theyre all feeling chill and its dead silent#someone's gotta be the calm one out of the three maniacs and why not let it be the rationally insane one ‼️‼️‼️#and theyre all just like chilling. horror's organizing the pantry. killer's playing a cat game on his phone. dust's reading#and then he just says to nobody in particular. horror reminds me of a dog#it's almost as if nobody reacts when horror turns around flabbergasted??? as if nobody said anything!!!!!#because dust is still reading and killer's still on his phone!!! WHAT!!!! and horror's just like ever so slightly irritated and weirded out#but...... its a good day. its been chill. maybe he just imagined that. and he goes back to his thingy#and dust just ever so slightly smiles. killer's actually been looking at horror ever since dust said that (the blank sockets hide his gayze#and in his head hes like..... damn. dust is right tf i do see it??????#kemonomimi mtt when. when do i get to see them with animal ears and tails that i approve they would fit in????#triglycercule you have to do it yourself.WHAT!!! NO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO (disintegrates) (imagine that ashy baby photo)#i felt like killer typing out that second paragraph. its like i can hear his voice saying it as i type. its like i can see his smug face#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc#i mean killer and dust are mentioned in tags so its whatever DONT KILL ME DONT GUILLOTINE ME OK SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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hell ya! please info dump about casino quartet that would be awesome
STARTS VIBRATING OKAY!! for those who dont know, casino quartet refers to the group/ship name of ash, branzy, clown, and red (also known as branzypierceswagdoons or the abcd's because. Ashswag Branzy Clown and red. Doons) . i am #)(%*@#()%*#(@% about them 4 reasons i will elaborate down the cut ^_^
reason one: oh my GOD the comedic potential of these fuckers is sooooo. not one ounce of communication or sanity between any of them god bless!!! they are all enablers of different things and all make each other worse!!!! they will kill each other over not doing the dishes!!! also the diff dynamics between all of them would be Insufferable like clown and branzy would just do So Much pda during the most inappropriate times while ash and red have to Put Up with it while beating the shit out of each other <3 cue clown and red coming back home and doing God Knows What (not talking about feelings straight up) (repressed emotions) (bullying) and ash and branzy get white girl wasted on whiteclaw of wine or whatever and ash bitches about red to branzy while branzy calls him babygirl (branzy is the only one that can call ash this) (once red overheard this and ash almost killed him) (he had to be held back by branzy and clown so he wouldn't kill him) (<- this one is sponsored by cherny)
ANYWAYS ash and clown r a funny bunch too. clown would Always attempt to get ash to do stupid shit and try to hit him with the big wet pathetic eyes and "but please?? for me.,.." and it only works 20% of the time when ash caves in (do not worry ash bullies clown back) (also literally based off of this) . both of them think they're the most normal ones . red and branzy r literally just vibing. imagine everyone else being insufferable/them being insufferable to others and they're like "omg hiiii bestie ^_^" and they chill and knit while drinking sweet tea together or whatever . they're awesome
REASON NUMBER 2: PUNCHES THE GROUND ok ok. they're like 0 canon content of them IN VIDEOS but u have to understand : the original team chaos had red in the group . and the only reason red left is bc they didn't tell him anything (also ash was asleep like 90% of the time L) but like. i think u Could do smth interesting with lingering feelings abt team chaos Esp considering ash Did go back to red and apologize for s3/team chaos and gave him favors .,.. that's if u wanna go Canon Compliant ofc but i think there Could be something that u could write abt clown and red being Farely loyal and strategic and ash and branzy being willing to betray and both being wildcards. i feel like u could do smth interesting with that (and also if you wanna go romantic) some polymary negotiations might b fun ti explore :thumbs_up: usually the Link between them is clown and red but i've also seen branzy and ash ^_^ either way they r rlly fun to think about either way!!!
i dont really like a reason number 3 so i will put this mangoball edit here . thank u for letting me indulge in my insanity
#mcyt#lifesteal smp#clownpierce#branzy#branzycraft#reddoons#ashswag#casino quartet#swagdoons#clownzy#branzypierce#mcytshipping#lsshipping#<- i guess#tw swearing#media.warning.swearing#tw caps#media.warning.caps#tw drinking#media.warning.drinking#i dont rlly ship them bc i Really like them as ambiguous/unlabeled/they don't event know what they are#but like: still. i love them so much i rotate them in my brain so much!!!#i Need more people to understand them#or like. be Aware of them#<- suffering as the only fics of them are by my friend (hi cherny if you're reading) and Me#anyways shout out to revolution cave they hear my mental illness first hand#anyways thank u for letting me indulge anon ^_^ just saying my dms r open at any time if u want to Talk about them#also to all of my followers: that invitation is 4 yall 2. or anyone really#they r a virus on my Brain#ask.core
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i was crying in front of a sidewalk tonight and someone in a passing car asked to me through their window "you alright?" honestly didnt even know what they expected
#i cant answer u man. ur driving away#thats fine. i suppose i appreciate the ask?#i was out there for like an hour. not all of it was crying. for at least 20 minutes in the beginning i was just sitting sullen#no tears coming out.#some ppl seemed to honk at me which was really weird#like. why would u honk at someone... for... that??#i was nowhere near the road#tales from diana#at one point a nice lady said from over a fence (there was an outdoor seating area about 10 ft away) she said#'u seem really sad. is there anything i can help with? what's wrong?'#i was like no thank u and i can't really explain right now#she offered me seltzer which i refused. i probably wouldn't have refused if i hadn't been feeling so awful#i don't think anyone could hear me and i was very much like in a corner not bothering anyone#but there was no hiding that i was sitting there by myself crying and i was like. well if this is the situation i guess i gotta be ok w it#u get what u get. but depression won tonight ladies and gentlemen#i have calmed down although i dont 'feel better'. goodnight sleep tight
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Good morning gamers!! Hope you all have a good day today! :> As for me, I am thinking about my two L.ord of the rings crushes-
#pan rambles#Panchi finish the first movie challenge-#I'll try to finish it today!!#Also I'm in that odd phase of the crush where I'm a little insecure about it-afjsbfkdjfk#Alas it always happens and it always fades away once I develop my s/is and such more#So thank you to the pals who hear me talking about said crushed while I'm still figuring out everything about them <3#Also another reason I'm a lil insecure is just because my brain is like “This could never work as a Polyship”#and I say that's wrong!! It can work and I'll make it work-#Also Also I think it's really funny how quickly some of y'all have guessed who those two are-afksnfkd#Those two really describe my Two Types so well
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I wish my sister would stop making fun of my music taste :[
"your music taste is so basic"
"this song sucks/this is boring"
"ofc you would like this song"(/neg)
"why do you like *genre/general songs* they're not even good"
"hmm I think this is one of *music artist*'s more weaker songs"
"turn this trash off oh my god I'm tired of it"
GIRL. just let me listen to songs I like in peace. I don't talk about your music taste!! I never judge you for what you listen to and I never tell you your music taste is bad. So why do you keep treating my music taste as inferior??
It's just.frustrating. It's gotten to the point where I don't wanna listen to songs I like near her anymore. Anytime I hear her coming upstairs or I feel like she's going to come in the room, I immediately stop the music I'm listening to because I know once she hears it she'll start saying a buncha negative stuff about it. LIKE BESTIE. IT'S NOT THAT DEEP IT'S A THREE MINUTE SOUNDWAVE. JUST LET ME ENJOY IT :(
#I literally can't listen to my music whenever she's in the room#and I KNOW. I should just ignore her#but it's just tiring. I don't feel like hearing ittt#how the hell am I supposed to enjoy my favorite songs when someone is constantly in my ear nitpicking every little thing about them??#so I'm willing to wait until she goes to sleep so I can listen to my music in PEACE#thank god she's a heavy sleeper :p#and she keeps being all like “you're still into vocaloid and love live? I got out of those when I was like 12 wtf” HOW ABT YOU STFU#and she's constantly shitting on im@s songs I listen to IT'S SO TIRING GGGGG BLAHBLAHBLAH I GET YOU THINK THEY'RE BORING BUT JEEZUS#I DON'T TALK BAD ABT THE SONGS FROM MUSICALS YOU MAKE ME LISTEN TO SO WHY.WHY DO I HAVE TO GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK RAAAGASDHFHDAB#aaaa sorry sorry I'm just#asdbfhbdashfsdaj#vent#<- kindaaa I guess? I was thinking of tagging this as complaining hours but I think it's a little too ranty of a post to tag it as that
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have to wake up early tomorrow to drop my sister at the station, then get my ultrasound done, and then go to my job interview after. feels like a good night to listen to the cure
#mine#had to go home from work because i was in so much pain#the doctor was soooo nice#he just listened to me and was very respectful and didnt brush of any of my concerns#and like. even when i told him about the drugs i do he was chill about it. we were talking symptoms and i kept saying yes i experience that#but i thot it was stress. and he said to me 'it sounds like youre under a lot of stress rn' and then asked if id been diagnosed with anxiet#and then i said to him well no. but im a psychologist and i feel i have ptsd but theres no formal diagnosis#i just watched him write it on my chart <3#ive cut down on my smoking though he straight up thought i was lying about only having 1 a day (some days 2 some days 0)#but he was nice about it#at the end i was like '.............thanks for being so nice' and he smiled#the weird part was when i was speaking and like#idk i guess i anticipate that people will cut me off so i paused and looked to him#and he just looked bck at me and nodded and waited for me to finish before speaking#just the little things#it was actually surprisingly validating to hear him say that he thought i was pretty stressed out#like i feel it but i always worry im just being a baby yknow#he was asking about shortness of breath nausea heartburn etc etc#and i was like yeah that has increased lately but I wasn't sure if it was related or just stress from work#and he was like dude I think you need a couple days off#definitely coming back to him
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going to be absolutely haunted by every heart a doorway by seanan mcguire for the rest of my life i think
#shaking you and shaking you#where's my door? can you hear me? do you understand what I'm saying? where is my fucking door#i will never be the same again (positive) but also i will never be the same again (negative)#the way the 12 year old clawed out of me at the idea of wonderland/different worlds/secret doors being real all along#makes me think that hmm maybe i didn't actually come to terms with feeling like i didn't belong ! maybe instead i repressed it !#if i had been in even a SLIGHTLY worse mental state rn that book would have destroyed me. sent me over the edge i think#i didn't even realize how intense it was. christ how did i repress all that lol#WHERE IS MY DOOR#where is MY home !!!! this surely can't be it !!!!#anyway. if i think too deeply about this it makes me feel like i need to grieve#so i wont think about it ! xoxo#ANYWAY phenomenal book. couldn't put it down. the ace rep was unexpected but nice#will now be reading everything published by seanan mcguire thank yew#its one of my favorite books now but like. i also wish i had never read it. yknow??#incredible work of art and i loved every second of reading it#but now im alone in this dark room with the voice in the back of my head that tells me that there are special things in this world#and that i was not/am not good enough for a single one of them#and its getting louder !!!!#well. guess ill just go to work tomorrow#fucking christ
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Reading up on the people on my election ballot and there's some combination of "can ANYONE tell me what their policies actually are???" (Specifically with the smaller offices) VS "Oh, so YOU'RE the reason why Indiana has an abortion ban! Duly noted!"
#speculation nation#there are 4 indiana justices with retention up for a vote (on my ballot at least) and 3 of them signed the abortion ban shit.#so guess who im going to vote against retention for :]#i know theyre not policy makers in the same way that the governer or whatever is#technically theyre just there to make judgement calls about what the law actually Is.#but. But. that doesnt change the fact that theyre the ones that signed the abortion ban into place.#So What if they didnt make the policy themselves? they still chose to steamroll opposition and put into place a ban from the early 1800s#indiana is among the 16 worst states for abortion now. thanks to these assholes.#And So. well apparently indiana's never successfully voted against retention for any of its justices#but Why Not Start Now? im fuckin pissed. a lot of people are fuckin pissed. and these 3 justices have got to go.#we dont get to vote for who takes their places but at least they MIGHT be justices that are willing to hear us out.#and regardless. i want to get back at them for it. :] so even if they Technically did their jobs. i want them Out.#anyways i went looking at the representatives and senate seats and the democratic nominees seem fine.#some of the smaller offices dont have democrats running. just republican or libertarian.#dear god help me im gonna be voting for a republican this election. just one.#specifically bc it's an office that doesnt have anything to do with politics. and the guy running against her seems uhhhh#like he really doesnt care for the position?? he just wanted to put libertarians in more view.#so im like. ok for this one we really should have the person who's already got experience with the job and actually Cares about it.#for some of the other ones... god i dont know. these were the ones who were awful about listing their policies.#might just not touch the county school shit at all. theres Nothing on these people online and i have no direct stake in this#man. many things to think about. i still got some time b4 im voting but i wanna be prepared.
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