#thanks brain. I cried. very strange. it’s too early for this

[peapod20001]

Idk how my dream could be about me drinking the best sweet tea ever and then also my inability to mourn the loss of smth I never had in the first place

[faunusrights]

okay i started writing this on my phone and it got very long very quick. as mentioned above this is set in seelie au by @theivorytowercrumbles and @romanimp which is almost 10 years old (ARGH so sorry to bring this au back from the dead. peace will never be had) and occasionally haunts me like a fucking spectre despite everything. i cannot hope to match the cadence nor the lexicon of the original fics because i'm smooth brained and also writing this on my hateful little phone with no editing BUT. hopefully you all get the gist of my vision. maybe. i should have made this it's own post huh. well too late now.

— — —

After the first attempted assassination by nobles of the Winter Court, May is appalled to find that Robyn isn't half as prepared for this outcome as she'd thought.

"What do you mean you didn't think they'd try this so early?!" May cries, and her voice is so strangled she hits an octave that usually takes much more practise to achieve, quickly swallowed by the stacks of books that ring the library. It'd feel much more affirming if she wasn't currently so outraged.

Robyn, however, is too busy toying with a piece of thread she's tugged from the edge of her tunic, twisting it this was and that until it begins to fray at the edges, and her violet gaze stays far from May's own. "I knew they'd try. Strange disappearances have happened to people who've said much milder things, but I expected some degree of... of restraint."

Joanna scoffs, standing rather than sitting around the table. She's always like this, mercenary in more than just occupation, but it gives May some very small degree of comfort that she sticks in Robyn's shadow no matter where they go. "Even Winter's courtiers can be moved to action with little warning. It's a good thing May was with us, because killing a noble, even in self-defence..."

Joanna doesn't need to finish such a statement. The ramifications are too many, the boons too few; Joanna hailing from the Spring court alone would have been controversy enough. Thankfully, no blood needed to be shed when May's keen command of her Inheritance—despite her hatred for it—meant she could reflect the light around them as to keep them invisible to the naked eye, the nobles running past with outrage as they searched through the apparently empty quarters to no avail.

"Never say I'm not thankful for my fiancée's quick thinking," Robyn says dryly, though when she meets May's eyes at last, her smile is bright and toothy. "Still, I suppose we cannot always run back to my parent's estate each and every time the nobility show their teeth, despite the view."

The Hill estate is beautiful, May has to agree, even if it finds itself surrounded by glacial mountains and sloping hills that send the road to its gates snaking back and forth along itself as to make traversing it last days longer; tucked away, and built with many floors to compensate for its otherwise small footprint, it's a veritable fortress, and for that May feels a least secure despite everything. The cruel ambitions of the court's traditionalists aren't as acutely felt here, even if Robyn's parents almost fall into such a category themselves. "That doesn't help the fact that you're at a different Court every change of the seasons. Your appeal to the common fae makes you a threat no matter where you tread, Robyn."

May doesn't mean for it to be said with a whine in the back of her throat, worming free incessantly despite her best attempt to swallow it down, so she barrels on and hopes everyone forgets. "What if you're attacked between Courts? In Summer? In Autumn? Your allies are too few and far between to possibly hope to find sanctuary."

"So what do you suggest?"

The question is posed not by Robyn but by Fiona, the first thing she's uttered since they all arrived. Her tones is particularly caustic, though it isn't aimed at May, not directly; rather, seeing Robyn's life so close to being extinguished has made her ears flick around irritably for hours, the mask she wears—if only to better play the part of Robyn's subservient Faunus—doing little to hide the way she watches every shadow with twice as much caution. Even now, sitting beside Robyn at such close proximity that any other servant to any other noble would surely be scolded for not knowing their place, she watches each door with with cautious ovine eyes like she anticipates someone to burst inside with weapons at the ready.

"Let's say you're right—not that I'm saying otherwise," Fiona hurriedly adds when May's mouth opens with an immediate objection, "but if you're right, and Robyn is in danger no matter where she is, then what do we do?"

That's a very good question, and one that makes May's voice dry up as she considers it with due care... or as much due care as she can grant it in these otherwise pressing circumstances. "I think... I think Robyn is pushing too far too fast—" ("I'm right here," said woman interjects) "—and hurrying this sort of change is only going to cause malcontent. We should—"

"Let them decide the timeline?" Fiona queries, her voice cool and even in such a way she often chooses when playing her role at Robyn's side. "Let them water us down until we're palatable? The sensibilities of the nobles and royals change across millennia, from epoch to epoch; we'll be dead a thousand times over if we play this to their ear!"

"But you've seen what happens when we push!" May cries back, motioning to the table as if to accuse them of a crime. "None of us have immunity from their cruelty: not you, a Faunus with no voice in any Court, least of all in Winter; not Joanna, a lowly Spring courtier who must dance for the powerful to make a living; not Robyn, her place in the Courts only determined by how useful she is to those who matter; and me, who hates her noble blood just about as much as it hates me! In what world can the four of us possibly make anything change without someone being made to pay the price?!"

In the wake of her outburst, the room is quiet. Fiona stares back, hard and unflinching, whilst Robyn continues to toy with her length of thread as if it's the most important puzzle she's been presented with. Joanna, meanwhile, just rolls her shoulders and smiles wryly.

"No offence taken," she offers, and May glares at her until the bloom of frustration passes and all the tension in her shoulders drains out.

"No offence meant, I just... wanted to impart to you all just how weak we really are."

Finally pulling a knot taut in her thread, Robyn sits back with a sigh, and she laces her fingers before her as if she's reached some private conclusion. "I'm quite painfully aware of our circumstances, though I appreciate you summarising it so succinctly. You're both right—we cannot turn away all the enemies we'll inevitably make, nor can we hide away forever and hope the message takes in our absence. So... maybe we just need to spread our message to those who can pass it along in our stead."

"What, the heralds?" May snorts sarcastically. She doesn't mean to cast so much doubt so often, but she is unfortunately too familiar with the ways and the workings of nobles and sycophantic courtiers to have any such faith. Those who could be sympathetic to their message aren't powerful enough to make change; what hope could they possibly have?

"The Faunus," Robyn says simply, tilting her head towards Fiona as if May could possibly have forgotten. "The servants. The low of name and those with no name at all. Their voices may not be loud, but they carry far."

"As far as the kitchens and the bedchambers," May fires back, wondering if Robyn has truly lost her mind. "You cannot possibly expect—"

"There's more of them any any number of nobles," Joanna intervenes, the traitor. "A thousand hands for the comforts of the few. Do they not stand in the shadow of power? Only ever a step from conspiracy? Just because the kitchens are not the place for your type doesn't make them any less essential for the Courts."

May, truly too offended by the implications to respond, is boxed in by Fiona's rapt agreement. "It's true. Many will think of us Faunus as too stupid or weak-willed to take advantage of the world we inhabit, but I can assure you the opposite has only ever been the way of things."

"So, what?" May implores, eyes wide. "We murmur to them stories of liberation and hope they follow suit? That just by saying it from ear to ear will make it true?"

Robyn blinks sedately, and she exchanges a slow and even look betwixt her co-conspirators before an easy, convincing smile makes her face shine in a way that May desperately wishes to trust.

"Did you not chase your own liberation, May?" she asks, as if she wasn't privy to May's every complaint and lament both in and out of earshot of her family. "You never needed anyone to tell you what had to be done; you're better than doing them the disservice of thinking they cannot do the same."

May stares back, finding the sounds that work up her throat choked into silence, and for a moment she looks around for straws to grasp at; gaze flitting to Fiona, then Joanna, then to the hundreds of books in the library as if one of them will fall open with an eloquent response. Alas, the private collection the Hill clan boasts are almost all studies of law and justice across the Courts, their position as arbiters leading them to have only the most keenest understanding of fae laws and punishment. Of course Robyn can corner her so easily. It is, after all, in her blood.

"It was hard," she finally says after realising there's no easy way out from under Robyn's observations. "I don't regret it, but that doesn't change that it was... I was... scared."

Taking in a steadying breath and refusing to acknowledge how there's a slightest shred of sadness in everyone's faces, May continues. "They have so much more to lose. I'm still a noble, albeit disgraced. I have you, and if I truly grovelled at their feet, my family and their estate, too. Those you speak of would die if such utterances were overheard."

There's a weighty silence in that wake, reality an agonising thing. Robyn's still staring at May, and if she didn't know better May would think her ability to draw the truth out of even the stubbornest stone extends to that level gaze. Usually, Robyn's Inheritance makes itself known by touch—a handshake, a brush of skin on skin—but even now it seems that her very presence repels lies by nature.

Fiona must be used to that. She must be, because she's the first to regather her composure. "A life under the heel of the Courts is not that much to lose," she says in that simple way she does, as if it's always been obvious. "Our blood has no value. It's spilled for as little as entertainment. If liberation required my death, then I would gladly—"

"I know."

Robyn's voice is oddly tight, sharp with tension, and May glances between the noble and her Faunus servant only to watch them glare each other down, jaws tight. This is not the first time they've argued this, she realises. This is not the first time Robyn has asked Fiona not to say such terrible things.

"I know," she repeats, quieter this time, and Fiona huffs and focuses back down to her hands. "I will not ask that of you. Not of anyone. But if there are those who will carry our message despite knowing such risks, then I rest my hopes on them. The same way I trust you all to stay by my side and make sure I do not lose my way."

"Lose your way?" Joanna says with a dry laugh. "I could drop you in the midst of the sprawling forests of Spring and not hope to be free of you for more than a week before you'd inevitably worm your way free."

"I try my best." Robyn winks, and suddenly all the heavy air in the library lightens up at once, as if the sunlight has finally managed to break through the cloud. May remains thankful to Joanna, for more than just her protecting of Robyn; she has a marvellous sense of humour even in the bleakest moments. "So, do we agree? That we should turn our focus to those who form the scaffolding of the Courts?"

Fiona nods immediately, and Joanna shrugs blithely. "Where you go, so do I," she says with a long-suffering sigh, and Robyn's smile widens into a toothy grin.

"Your devotion to my madness is noted and cherished. May?"

All eyes are back on May, and she swallows against the collar of her navy houppelande, folding her hands into her lap before she matches Joanna's sigh, although with significantly more exhaustion. "We are to be wed, are we not? I may have my reservations, but I have only ever supported you."

"As my friend, not my fiancée," Robyn clarifies. "Would your answer change?"

"No," May says, and the confidence of her answer surprises even her. "I want to believe in you. I do believe in you. Now until forever."

That makes Robyn's expression bloom—from surprise, to pleasure, to something that most terrifyingly resembles love—and May only barely takes note of how Fiona and Joanna are making matching gagging noises at each other like petulant children.

"Then we will move forward as such." Standing up, Robyn tilts her head towards the doors of the library. "Let us lunch, and then we—"

Fate, however, appears to have other plans. A rapt knock on the doors cuts Robyn short, and she hesitated before calling for their entry. Her family would have no qualms walking in without notice, so it's no surprise then a messenger from Autumn Court arrives, Fiona scrambling to don her mask and stand beside Robyn in the picture of subservience.

"Lady Hill," the messenger starts, bowing low before offering forward a letter. "A message from the Venery, most urgent. They request your presence to arbitrate a matter amongst their ranks."

Robyn's face has already returned to its usual mask of placid charisma, all turmoil and planning buried deep below, and she accepts the letter before handing it almost offhandedly to Fiona. "Of course. I shall make my way to the Autumn Court with haste."

Politics, May thinks to herself as she watches them talk—her fiancée's false face, Fiona's false servitude, Joanna's false distance. All it ever seems to do is get in the way of good things, so May finds herself reaffirming what she said; she'll believe in Robyn, now and forever, so that one day the good things can flourish.

reading rwby fanfic from like 2015 is great and i love it still but so many of these fics i look at and go 'can you imagine if the happy huntresses were here'

[applepi-1]

They comfort you after a break up

Sugawara x you

Kenma x you

Suna x you

(Picking names was hard, I used a random picker wheel and apparently, my computer loves Tsukishima, Akaashi, and Bokuto a lot.)

Also Kenma's is longer... :)

--

Suga- 820 words

You were at his house in front of his door, sighing lightly before knocking. You could hear his footsteps, you felt stupid and guilty for waking him up at 11. He looked at you softly, only to turn into worry as he noticed your clothes were a bit messy, your cheeks were puffy, and your hair looks like a rat's nest. "Uh, Y/n?"

"Can I stay here tonight...?" Suga opened his door letting you walk in, immediately closing it behind you, grabbing your arms so he could look at you better.

"What's going on?" He quickly stepped to you, "Oh no no no, N/n, don't cry, it'll be okay, I'm here now." He sat you on the couch before sitting next to you, taking you into his arms. He cradled you, as you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him as you cried into his chest. He silently held me for a moment before he spoke again. "Y/n, do you want to talk about it? Tell me what happened."

You pulled yourself out of his chest enough to look him in the eyes, "B/n broke it off." Ugh. You don't need him to see you like this. You know that he wouldn't react very well to the breakup. When you had first said yes to B/n when he'd asked you out, Suga had gone to him and told him to take good care of you, and to talk things out if they got rough. Well, B/n left you crying and Suga is not happy to see you like this. You're sure he's thinking about stabbing him multiple times.

His expression went from concerned to shocked to angry to comforting in less than two seconds. "Oh Y/n," he hugged you, holding you tighter. "Did he say why?"

"He just wasn't feeling it anymore, his feelings had gone flat and run out." You cried into his chest, your salty tears staining his Polo shirt. "He wasn't interested in me anymore."

He rubbed your back, comforting you, "Y/n, it's going to be okay, I've got you. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore." He pulled you into his lap as he leaned against the back of the couch. "I know that it hurts, but I promise you I will never let anyone hurt you like this ever again." He kissed the top of your head and you cried harder.

"Sh...Sh...n/n... We should watch a movie." He whispered once you calmed down.

He reached across the couch and grabbing the remote. He typed in a movie title quickly so that you couldn't see. Then it was loading in front of you.

You admired how he was so focused on making you happy. You liked that he paid attention.

But of course, you paid attention to him too. You noticed how his hair is a mess, and how he was wearing a t-shirt, he knew he could always be comfortable around you. You loved the way he carried himself confidently when he walked. You loved when he called you, 'Love', it made you feel a different kind of special than other names. You picked him as your best friend for a reason.

However that may be, you also couldn't help but admire that when he reached for the remote, his arm was very close to you and his lean muscle was hard not to attend brain cells too. He held you tight and you could feel his strong chest, and his toned abdomen embracing you. When you looked into his eyes, you could feel yourself falling in love with their shade and color. When he spoke, his deep voice entranced your thoughts. You couldn't deny that he was attractive.

"Love," he said. "Are you watching the movie?" he asked, running his fingers through your hair, twisting the ends between his first finger and thumb.

You looked up at him, "Sugawara,"

"Yes?" he asked.

"I just wanted to say your name," you said. "I like to say your name."

"I like saying your name too." he smiled.

You looked into his eyes, and he looked right back at yours, he very slowly, leaned in slightly, his eyes starting to close. He lightly pressed his lips to yours, in a very tender kiss. He pulled away, slightly. A blush rising on your cheeks. Your heart fluttered. He smiled and you did too.

You rested your head on his chest once again and thought about what just happened. He kissed you. On the lips. With his lips. They were soft, and they pressed on yours ever so lightly and you wanted that amazing feeling again. The soft gentleness of his love pressed to your skin, your lips. You loved him, he was your best friend.

You looked up at him again, making him look at you. "Suga, what just happened?" You asked.

"I kissed you," he said. Then he thought for a moment, "Yeah, I kissed you."

--

Kenma- 1705 words

"Kenma?" You asked on your phone, your voice wavering. You could just feel the lump/frog in your throat creeping up because, first of all, even though Kenma was your friend, you always got a little bit nervous when you talked to him, once you had developed a crush on him. And second of all, you were on the verge of tears.

"Hey, Y/n. Are you alright? Do you need me to come by your house? Is there anything wrong? Or am I just overreacting?" he said. You could tell that he was obviously worried, just by hearing his tone and his many questions.

"I'm fine. But can you please come over? I need a friend." You stated simply, not revealing too much.

"I'll leave my place in a minute and I'll be over there as soon as possible. Okay?" You nodded in response, forgetting that he couldn't see me at the moment.

"Thank you." Your voice was barely above a whisper now. Kenma wouldn't get off the phone because he kept wanting to make sure that you were alright. "Dude I'm okay. I'm just not sure that you'll be if you keep this call on while running. I need you, though, so please just hang up and come as soon as you can." You had to be the one to hang up, even though it pained you to do so. At the moment, though, it had seemed like it pained him more.

~ Time Skip ~

There was a knock on your door and you knew who it must have been.

You knew that it was too early for your family to be back. You were home alone while everyone else was out at dinner. Somehow, you had convinced your parents to let you stay home, alone. They said that as long as you didn't party and no one, that you didn't trust, came into the house, they'd be fine with it and they'd probably let you do it again.

You got off of your bed, which you had ended up crying in, and started walking down the stairs.

Sweeping your hair out of your face and trying to smooth it out, you went over to the door. You took a deep breath, pulled down both of your sleeves, and put on the best fake smile that you could muster.

As soon as you saw him, you couldn't take your eyes off of him. You didn't even offer to let him in at first. All you did was take in his handsomeness. blond hair with black roots and his golden eyes; wearing his usual, laid-back outfit that you always enjoyed. It was weird to you how one person could help alter your mood, by even just the tiniest bit.

"Aren't you gonna let me in?" he asked, smiling at you, with a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. He looked down at his phone hoping you didn't see it.

"Oh, sorry!" You apologized, gesturing for him to come into the house and shut the door behind him.

"Hey, I hate to do this to you, but do you mind if I take a look at what's in the kitchen?" he asked. "I had practice and I changed, walked over to my house and that's when you called. Now I'm starving."

"Sure!" You replied with fake cheeriness, going toward the living room. He walked into the kitchen, which had a pretty nice view of the room you were going in. "And I'm sorry. I should have let you stay over at your house." You faked a laugh, which screamed the word 'fake', and that gave your whole charade away. He walked into the living room, where you were about to sit down on the couch. Taking a seat next to you, he turned toward you.

"Y/n, what's with all of the apologizing?" Before you could respond, he added, "If you really wanna apologize, don't feel bad about things like those. Apologize for lying to me."

You knew that he wasn't going to let you lie to him anymore, who were you kidding to be lying to him, so you quit your act and put down your guard. You looked into his eyes and he could see that you were on the verge of breaking so he put his arms up as you crashed into him and wrapped your arms around him, starting to let out your sobs. You cried into his t-shirt and, strangely, he didn't actually seem to mind. He wrapped his arms around you and brought you in even closer to him.

When he started to rub circles with his hands on your back, you started to relax. Nobody had ever made you feel that comfortable before when you were as distraught as you are at the time.

You started to control your breathing and he just kept you enveloped in his arms. He put his chin on top of your head and mumbled, more to himself than to you, "It's okay pudding."

Once you had stabilized your tears and breathing, you looked up and took a quick glance into his eyes. You looked away quickly, though. You were fearing that he was going to judge you or use this moment against you. It's not like he was that type of person, because he really wasn't, but nobody had actually seen you so vulnerable before and you weren't sure how he, nor anyone for that matter, would respond.

"It's okay," he promised. "You can tell me anything and I swear I won't tell anyone unless I think it could help. And I'd tell you first. You do not have to feel embarrassed around me."

You looked back into his eyes and saw how sincere he was being. Just by looking into his eyes, you could see loyalty, sincerity, honesty, and care. You were super grateful to have him as a friend. He's not used to this, Kenma's not used to comforting anyone, or good with his words, so it shocked you a little.

"I, uh, you really wanna know?" You asked. When he nodded, You decided that it was now or never. "B/n broke up with me..." You whispered making Kenma sad. "And you want to know the reason why?" You asked dramatically, but before he could ask you gave him an answer, "It's because I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time now. You know that. And it's been so hard and nobody understands. Every time people find out, they judge me. Or they just tell me to get help. But whenever I try to get help, nobody cares. Even if they do care, they don't understand, though. I hate sounding selfish and bitchy, but I just wish that there was someone who cared and understood, y'know? It's hard enough going through your teenage years, trying to figure out who you are, but then having depression and anxiety on top of it really sucks. And it's a really crappy thing to go through." He just sat there, stunned, so you continued. "I mean, having to deal with me has, probably, always been tough, but it's probably gonna be harder now. Plus, it's like what if I end up using this as my excuse for all my irrational decisions? I would be abusing this disorder, almost as much as it's abusing me. And it's just really hard to deal with. Because even the people who care a lot, and who try to understand what I'm going through, can never really help. I'm not sure if they just don't get it or if they just, honestly, don't actually give a crap. As much as I want them to understand, though, I really couldn't wish any of this upon them because nobody, even the worst of the worst, deserves to go through depression and anxiety. And I just don't really know what to do with all of these pent-up emotions."

By this point, you had let out all of your emotions and tears; that was enough explaining, at least for the time being.

"Y/n, don't ever feel like you have to keep secrets like those from me, okay? I care about you, more than you could ever imagine, and I want you to know that and to be able to open up to me."

"I know you care, Ken." You mumbled, leaning away from him.

You just sat there, gazing into each other's eyes, and he let out a sigh. "Of course I care. You're my best friend, and you have been for a while now. Hell, you're more than that! All I want is for you to feel comfortable around me. I mean, I don't really understand what you're going through and I also don't understand why you're going through it, but I do know that you're such an amazing, gorgeous girl that doesn't deserve any of this bull. I can't even begin to pretend to understand any of this so I'm not going to. I'll try to understand, sure; but I'm not going to act like I do because that'd be a lie. But I really like you and I don't wanna see anyone go through this pain, especially not you."

You had no idea how to respond to that so you just sat there, staring up into his eyes. How do you respond to that...? Kenma- a boy who never said much since you've been friends- just full-on rambled to you. "But what about all my flaws? Do you really want to have to deal with this?"

"You have a hell of a lot more to deal with than I do so I'm not gonna be the one to complain. And I don't care about your flaws. I mean, I do care about them, but I don't hate them. Your flaws are what make you the person you are and the person you are is imperfectly perfect and perfectly imperfect. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. Because I have the power to see beyond your flaws and to see who you truly are, and I am going to use that power like I already have. Your flaws just make you even better, in my opinion."

Again, you were speechless.

--

Suna- 662 words

You ran to the gym quickly once you ran all eyes were on you. But all you could do was run to your best friend. Miya Osamu was confused as you immediately wrapped your arms around him. "Y/n?" He didn't have the time to look at you, they were practicing against Karasuno, and any other time you would've cared, Suna walked in with the other Miya twin looking at you in shock, but Suna ran over to you before Atsumu could open his mouth.

"Y/n?" He pulled you away and took in your appearance, you were supposed to be on a date with that guy, B/n. But now looking at you, your shirt was a mess and unbuttoned a little, your cheeks were red and puffy, your lip was busted a little, and your hair... god you were a wreck, he immediately wrapped his arms around you letting you cry into him. "Atsumu, get my jacket." The boy did as told handing it to him, before he wrapped it around you, letting you put the jacket on as he zipped it before pulling you back into his chest. "What happened, N/n?" You held onto him tighter, he sighed and looked at the other members. "Would you tell me if we were alone?" You sighed leaning up to whisper it into his ear.

"It... it was a bet..." He furred his brows at the answer, everyone looked confused as well.

"What do you mean...?" You sighed again tugging his shirt, he got the message and bent down a little.

"It was... a-all a b-bet... to g-get into m-my pa-pants..." You admitted embarrassingly. Suna's eyes widen looking down at you before his blood boiled.

"It was what?!" His voice was low and cold, it literally made you shiver. He didn't want you to repeat yourself, eventually, Sugawara came over rubbing your arm softly.

"What happened, dear?" Sugawara always gave off this mom vibe making you smile a little, but that mom vibe was immediately replaced with scary after you told him the story.

"Where're my knives Daichi?!" Daichi jumped looking at his boyfriend {;) I'm kidding, maybe..}

"Uh... it's that bad?" He looked at you making you nod, saying it was okay to tell him.

"Oh, it's that bad. It was all a bet." Everyone looked at you in shock. Tsukishima even gave you a small smile. You just nuzzled your way into Suna trying to make yourself disappear.

"I'm sorry... S-Suna..." he looked down at you before gently rubbing your arms kissing your head lightly.

"I knew you still had a thing for him, you lying bitch!" You immediately tensed up, Suna looked at the boy over his shoulder. He stopped short in his track as he noticed all the death glares he was receiving.

"What did you just call our manager?" The twins said together looking at the boy with murderous glares.

"Daichi, I need my knives!" That was what made him run, but all the boys followed, all except you two.

"You okay...?" You looked up at him and shook your head.

"Not really..."

"Hm, want to come over and watch a movie...?" He was ignoring what your ex said, making you sigh.

"You don't have to beat around the bush, I get it, you don't like me... so..."

"I-I didn't think much of what he said." You don't really ever see a blushing Suna, so it was a first. "I-I thought he was lying... but, w-who said I didn't like you back?" Your eyes widen a little as he looked away.

"Do you... like me back...?" All the boys stopped at the door hearing your conversation and like Suna would do if this was one of the twins, they filmed it.

"I... I do..." You felt a smile appear on your messed-up face. Suna looked down at you and smiled back. "I-I'll kiss you when your lip isn't busted." You both laughed before hugging your best friend, well now boyfriend.

[harrywritingsbyme]

Just The Way You Are

Based Off Of This Ask

And This One

A/N: Anon…tysm for helping me out of my brain fart and suggesting/requesting this concept. I may or may not have cried (more like bawled) while writing this one. I love it sm and I feel like it’s perfect bc it’s so  relatable for so many, so I hope you like it bby🥺!! and I just realized that this is my last full post of 2020 which is absolutely insane…enjoy🙃

What you saw in the mirror was always a struggle for you. You were heavy in the chest, your hips were wide, you had chub in places where you didn’t want chub, and you had an endless supply of thighs. For the longest time you’d been in the never ending battle with your weight and with your figure. For years, you struggled to lose weight and slim down, trying your hardest to fit into the mold and standard of beauty that was placed before you. You tried so many of the fad diets you’d found on the internet and countless workout routines that were supposedly going to give you that instant gratification and the appearance you were chasing after.

 But at the end of it all, you got nothing. In fact, you came out with less than what you came in with. The only thing that came out of those efforts was even more disappointment in yourself. And the disappointment and dissatisfaction that came from those efforts was just a portion of the mountain of disdain and sadness that was already growing inside of you towards yourself. There were so many times where you just wanted to give up on it all. You felt like you’d never be seen as beautiful by yourself or by anyone else. You felt like there was absolutely no hope and that you weren’t going to be able to be loved by anyone because of your outward appearance. You felt stuck. 

And you felt stuck for a while. You went back and forth between fighting to get out of this state and just letting it be that way for who knows how long. You went on and on in this cycle until you became tired of being that way. It became exhausting. You’d reached your lowest point, you were drained. You realized that you couldn’t stay like this forever, nor were you going to allow yourself to stay like this anymore. So you pulled yourself up and you came up with a way to get yourself up. Even though it probably wasn’t the best mindset to have, you came to the resolve that if you couldn’t change it and if you weren’t going to be accepted and loved by anyone on the basis of your looks, you might as well accept and love yourself the way you were. And believe it or not, that pessimistic yet strangely optimistic mindset actually got you to a much better place. Sure you still had your insecurities about the way you looked and sure your heart sunk a little bit when you looked in the mirror, but you were feeling better than before and that’s all you cared about. You weren’t completely over the hill in regards to the negative feelings towards yourself but you definitely made progress and that’s all that mattered to you. You were finally feeling better. 

And you only got better. After making it to the point of feeling a bit better about yourself, you met Harry. He managed to shower you with all the love and affection you never thought you’d ever receive from someone. Even though you were strong in your convictions when it came to finding any type of approval in a man, you couldn’t resist Harry. He was an absolute dream. Along with loving you and your body, he was everything you could’ve wanted in a partner. There was no other way to describe it, he was just amazing and you didn’t want to let him go, nor were you planning to. You didn’t even entertain the thought. You held onto him and you enjoyed the pure bliss that came from being together. The both of you were completely head over heels for each other. And as you and Harry’s relationship grew, you blossomed. You became confident in yourself and you were able to stop putting yourself down. You’d reached the better place you were desperately searching for all this time. You were happy. This time, it wasn’t a facade that you were putting up to disguise your true and beyond negative feelings. You were truly happy. 

But with all good things of course, they either come to an end or come at a price. And being with Harry came at a price. You and Harry tried your best to keep your relationship away from the prying eyes that were constantly surrounding him. But you could only do but so much with that. It wasn’t that long before everyone found out who you were and made things a bit harder for you. After a little over nine months into your relationship with Harry, you began noticing an all around influx in your social media’s along with the press in general. Your picture was everywhere and there were so many people who were taking and interest in you and talking about you. You knew it came with the territory of dating someone who had an enormous amount of fame the way Harry did, but it was still very foreign and it was something that you weren’t prepared for. There were so many comments that made you happy and feel better about the situation. They were so happy to see you dating Harry, especially since you were very different from the women he’s dated and has been associated with in the past. Seeing those things always melted your heart and made you feel so good inside. 

But for some reason, the bad always crept in and overshadowed the good that was being brought your way. Along with an influx in positives, there was an influx in the negatives with the main target being your appearance. You tried to block it out and not focus on the negative, but those feelings that Harry was able to break through in the beginning came creeping back. Harry tried to console you in any way possible given the fact that you had talked to him a little bit about your past struggles. He took the time to remind you that you were desirable and that you were beautiful and that he loved you. Now while you were still down about what was being said about you, Harry’s words definitely provided comfort to you and made the situation tolerable. They didn’t miraculously change your thinking on the matter, but Harry’s words were able to stop you from going into the dark place you were in before which was what you needed at the time. Since everything was coming down onto you all at once, that was exactly what you needed. And eventually, with Harry’s help, you were able to make it through that incredibly intense time. 

Not too long after the news broke about your relationship, you and Harry celebrated your one year anniversary together, the both of you were beyond ecstatic about the milestone and your lives together going forward. The both of you were so happy to be together and so happy to have made it through the hell that was the past three months following the revealing of guys’ relationship. As you two continued on together, the negativity still came your way though. You tried your best to block it all out and keep moving forward to the best of your abilities but you weren’t able to let it all roll off you back. Some of it stayed with you, prompting you to just spring into action. Because you had so many people talking about you and your appearance, picking you apart at every turn, you were became determined to make them shut up. And the only way you knew how to do that was by going to work out with Harry. You figured that if you were able to do what he was doing, you’d be able to transform and as a result get them all to shut up and leave you alone. 

So you gave Harry the lame excuse of wanting to accomplish the health goal you had set for yourself which marked the beginning of your anxiety and stress filled workout journey. Harry bought right into that positive notion too, completely ready and willing to help you accomplish your goal and completely oblivious to your true motives towards wanting to start working out with him. From that point on, the two of you got up early at the same time five days a week to work out. It was incredibly hard for you to do but you were beyond motivated to shut everyone up and go back to having that peace you once had within yourself. 

You just wanted it all to stop. 

Now while you were extremely determined to workout, Harry began noticing some things that prompted red flags to go up in his head. The main and number one thing that got his attention was your excessiveness in regards to working out. After helping you get accustomed to working out the way he did and on the schedule he did it, you ran with it and never stopped. You began working out all the time, making your schedule seven days a week and sometimes twice a day. You were pushing yourself so hard and he was worried about you. He knew that you struggled with your confidence and body image so he didn’t want to discourage you. But he didn’t want you to hurt yourself either, nor did he want you to feel like you had to work out and change yourself for him or anyone for that matter. He knew that something had to be done and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. 

He decided to step in and do it all this morning. Normally it’d be an off day but since you were on seven days a week, you were getting up early to head downstairs to the gym. As you were moving to sit up, Harry tightened his grip around you, keeping your body down on the bed and against him. 

“Harry, you have to let me go.” You whisper back to him, trying to wiggle your way out of his grip. 

“No I don’t, you deserve a rest day anyways.” He mumbles back to you through a yawn, beginning to fully wake up as well. 

“I need to do this babe, I don’t be long.” You try and reason with him, still trying to release his grip from around you. 

“Okay fine, but can we please talk before you go down?” He bargains, even though he had no intention of letting you go down there. 

“Sure.” You agree, stopping your attempts to free yourself from his grip.

“Thanks baby.” He hums before unwrapping his arm from around you and sitting up in the bed to almost hover over your body. “So what’s going on?” He asks calmly yet  bluntly. 

“What do you mean?” You reply back to him with a puzzled look spread across your face to match your response. 

“You’ve been working out so much recently and it’s becoming a bit concerning sweets. I want you to reach your goal, I really do! I just want you to be healthy about it.” He softly points out to you, bringing his hand down to your cheek. 

“I’m fine Harry. I really want to reach this goal so I’m doing everything I possibly can.” You attempt to justify your actions over the past weeks, trying to steady your breathing a bit as well as you adjust to the touchy subject at hand. 

“Well I understand that and I’m so proud of you for going at this with that determination, I really am. It’s just that I don’t want you to be doing this because of all the things going around online.” He explains, his voice filled with  worry and concern. “I know it’s hard, but if you’re doing this, you should be doing this for you baby. That’s it.” He adds. 

When he says this, your heart sinks. You weren’t doing this for you. And you didn’t want him to find out your actual reasons for working out seven days a week and practically killing yourself because if he did, which he ultimately was, it was going to crush him. And the last thing you wanted was for him to worry about you. You could see all the worry and concern painted all over his face and you hated it. You hated it so much that you began to cry, not being able to hold back the tears that were already bubbling up in your eyes. 

“Oh my-baby please talk to me!” He begs, wiping the tears that were falling from your eyes. 

“It’s just so hard Harry. I’ve never had this many people coming at me about the way I looked. The only people I had to worry about before with this were myself and anyone I came in contact with. But now it’s everyone and it’s too much. I just want them all to shut up and leave me alone.” You rush out through your tears, completely breaking down below him. 

“I’m so sorry baby.”

“The only reason why I’m working out so much and trying so hard to get through it all is because I love you so so much. I can’t go back to that dark place anymore, I just wanna stay out here in the light and happiness with you. It’s just so hard when you have so many people coming at you all at once and it makes you want to just give in so that you can have peace.” You sob. When Harry hears this, his heart breaks into a million pieces. He was assuming full responsibility for this. He felt like if it wasn’t for him entering your life, you wouldn’t be completely broken before him right now.

“I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this baby. It’s all my fault and I feel horrible for even putting you in this position.” Harry sighs, feeling tears beginning to form in his eyes as well. 

“But it’s not-“ 

“It is my fault.” He quickly interjects. “You’re going through this torture because of me and I’m so so sorry. I love you so much baby and I wish that I could just end all of this for you.” He whimpers, feeling the hot tears streaming down his face. 

“I love you too Harry. And it’s not your fault.” You reiterate, making it clear that you didn’t blame him for any of this. 

“I just need you to remember that I love you so much. I love all of you so much.” He says firmly to you, locking his eyes with yours to really reach you. He couldn’t stress how beautiful you were in his eyes enough. You were absolutely amazing to him and he just wanted to touch and admire you all the time if he could. He wanted to constantly shower you with all the love and affection you deserved. He wanted the girl he loved to know that she was absolutely stunning and that he couldn’t get enough of her. He needed you to know that. It was so important to him that you know how beautiful you were.

And he planned on making sure you knew just how beautiful you were. He quickly wipes his face before pulling your legs apart and moving in between them.

“Harry what are you doing?” You ask at his sudden movements. 

“Shh, just let me love on you baby.” He coos down to you before bringing his lips to yours. The kiss is soft but filled with passion. You could feel it radiating off of Harry and down onto you. As he continues to kiss your lips, you feel his hands glide down your body, tugging up at hem of the shirt you slept in. Keeping his lips on yours, he pulls it up your body detaching his mouth when he pulls the shirt off of your body, leaving you in just your panties below him. “You are so beautiful.” He admires, taking in your pretty much naked body. Everywhere he looked he found something that he loved. There was no part of you that he hated. In fact, anything you hated, he loved.

Without wasting anymore time, Harry jumps right into his praising session so to speak. He starts at your lips, leaving you one final kiss before leaving a trail of kisses down the lower portion of your face and neck, going all the way down and stopping at your chest. He brings his hands up to your ample breasts and he cups both of them in his hands. He then lifts his head up a bit to lock eyes with you.

“I love these so much. They’re so pretty and they fit perfectly in my hands.” He whispers, bringing his mouth to one of your breasts and capturing one of your nipples in his mouth. He then begins to suck on you, using his hands to squeeze wherever he couldn’t have his mouth. As he did this, your eyes fluttered shut and your mouth hung open, allowing little moans to escape as you enjoyed the physical and emotional pleasure you were receiving from Harry. Even though it was just the beginning, you knew what he was doing because he’d done it many times before. And every time he did it, you had the same reaction. You were in a completely blissful state and you felt loved every single time. Those feelings were only intensified since you and Harry talked and you really expressed what you were going through. And now that you let all of that out, you felt lighter and you were so ready to feel good again. Harry then removes his mouth from your breast and latches onto the other, doing the exact same thing as before. Squeezing your flesh and rolling your nipple between his fingers as he sucked on the other. He continues on like this a little longer before moving down your body.

“I love this tummy of yours.” He hums delightedly, leaving kisses all over the area, making sure to leave kisses along your sides as well, nipping at your chub every once in a while too. “Can’t wait to put out baby in here.” Harry hums, enjoying the idea of having a baby with you. 

“Oh my goodness Harry!” You chuckle through your labored breaths. 

“You’d look so pretty, maybe even prettier than you already are if that’s even possible.” He praises, smoothing his hand across your empty stomach. Harry then moves on to the next part of your body. 

“I love these hips.” He groans biting into and kissing the flesh of your hips. “Love grabbin’ them when I fuck you. So good.” He sighs, thinking back on the times he’s pushed into you. He then moves even lower. He begins to leave kisses along the side bands of your panties, bringing his mouth closer and closer to where your need was mounting. But instead of going there, he keeps going down and stops at your thighs. 

“I don’t know if I told you this, but I’m in love with your thighs. Like they’re absolutely delicious and amazing.” He rambles up to your before biting into one of them, squeezing the other as he did this. Harry loved how fleshy your thighs were. He couldn’t get enough of how they quaked and jiggled when he fucked into you. They were so soft and plushy, how could Harry possibly resist them?! Once he’s done loving on your thighs, Harry lifts himself up so that he’s kneeling between your legs before quickly pulling you onto your side to give your ass a couple swats, causing you to yelp out to him from how it stung. “I didn’t forget about your ass either baby, I love pulling it apart and having my face buried in it.” He says before pushing you back into your original position below him. 

“And now to the last stop.” He announces, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties before tugging them down, lifting your legs up to fully pull them off. He tosses them to the side and spreads your legs for him, revealing your soft and puffy center. “I love your pussy. It’s magical if m’being completely honest. It’s all puffy and  warm and sticky. It’s just the best. Feels amazing around my cock and it tastes amazing on my tongue.” He heavily praises before going in. He could see that you were already dripping so he knew that it wouldn’t take long at all to make you let go in his mouth.

With his mouth on you, Harry licks a wide stripe up your folds, pushing his tongue into you. When he does this, your hands go straight to his hair and your thighs begin to close a little around his head, prompting Harry to moan a little and rut his now hard cock against the bed. Even though this was all about you, Harry couldn’t stop himself from getting hard. In fact, he got hard because it was about you. Anything you did had the power to turn him on. He was constantly getting hard because of you. In fact, as he licked into you, Harry was rutting his hips down into the bed to relieve some of the pressure in his cock. All Harry wanted was to be wrapped up in you all the time. Just like now, Harry was eating you like his life depended on it as your thighs were wrapped around his head. While you were in heaven, Harry was in heaven as well. As he continued on, your were absolutely losing it too. His mouth felt absolutely amazing on you. You were already buzzing from the way he practically worshiped your body so now that he was full on eating you, you were incredibly close to letting go. 

“Feels so good!” You moan out to him, feeling a warmth spreading throughout your body. “Think m’gonna cum.” You pant, tightening your grip on him. To push you right over the edge, Harry moves his tongue up from your entrance and just sucks on your buzzing clit. This does the trick perfectly. As you let go, Harry could feel himself getting closer to his own release so he continues to push himself back and forth against the bed. 

Once you’re all done and your body goes limp, Harry leaves a kiss to your clit along with a kiss to each of your thighs, both of your hips, your stomach, and both of your breasts before stopping at your face.

“I love you.” You hum lazily, still recovering from your release. 

“I love you too baby.” Harry hums with a little chuckle, enjoying how tired out you are. “I love you just the way you are. I know it’s hard for you and I’m incredibly sorry for that. But we’ll get through it, right lovie?” 

“Mhm!” You mumble happily. 

“That’s right, and no more excessive workouts. If you wanna do some extra workouts, let me know so that we can have sex instead.” He proposes happily. 

“Can we “work out” some more then?” You breathe out.

“I’d love that. 

Masterlist

[melliflovs]

Chapter Two - Yuji x Reader

Word Count: 2,301

Warnings: Sukuna being Sukuna

Summary: A movie night with Megumi gets interrupted and training the next day with Yuji.

Series Masterlist Pinned!

You burst into Megumi's dorm room without knocking, throwing Nanami's freshly dry cleaned suit over the back of a chair. "You'll never guess why I was summoned earlier." You said, walking over to your friend who sat on his bed. His eyes lifting from his phone, the black haired boy's thumb only pausing the repetitive scrolling for a moment.

"What?" He deadpanned before resuming whatever he was doing on his phone. "Well," You said sighing loudly. "I am now partners with the one and only Yuji Itadori, effective immediately."

Megumi looked up at you in confusion, eyebrows knitted together. "Why would Gojo want that?" You sat down beside him on the small bed.

"Beats me." You shrugged. "But," You began, a shit eating grin lighting up your face. "A certain King of Curses thinks I'm hot."

Megumi's arm shot out towards you shoving you lightly, "That not funny, don't joke about that."

You scoffed at him "What, do you think I'm not pretty enough for Sukuna or something? Besides I wasn't joking." You got up from beside him, admittedly slightly annoyed at his reaction. The dorms were small but each one had a cupboard for a small amount of food storage. You walked over to it and grabbed a bag of unpopped popcorn.

"So you're telling me that Sukuna - the baddest of the bad has his eyes on you now?" He said in disbelief, following you around the small room.

"Does it really matter? He's not the one in control anyways." You said reaching down to pull out the microwave you hid in the closet. Something you could only hope would never be found by a teacher. Potential fire hazard and all. You plugged the microwave into the wall before putting the popcorn in. You turned back to Megumi as the soft popping sound began.

"Yes it matters, he's dangerous. Itadori doesn't know what he's doing yet-" He was cut off by a loud thud a shout sounding from the room next to you.

"What was that." You asked, the room going silent aside from the microwave in the background. Together the two of you listened carefully, ears practically pressed up against the wall. A few seconds passed and you'd heard nothing. "That was weird-"

"Ow!" The two of you stilled, looking at each other with wide eyes.

"Whos next door?" You whispered.

Megumi straightened out as a lightbulb when off in his head. "Yuji is."

The two of your ripped out of the dorm room, running the short way to his door as the pained cries continued. "Should I," You gestured to yourself, "Do the thing?" He finished for you "No of course not I'll just break down the door."

"What?! That's so unnecessary I can just unlock it, you idiot." You continued to bicker back and forth for a moment, not realizing that the sounds had stopped. The two of you froze as the door in front of you began to open. Yuji stepped out, a confused look on his face and a sleeping cursed doll in his hand.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, looking between you and Megumi.

"Uh, yeah. We just heard some strange sounds and got worried-" You watched in shock as the corpse in his hands woke up, immediately turning towards the boy holding it and punching him.

"Fuck!" He yelled, holding the doll as far away from his body as possible - a small red bump rising by his temple.

Megumi burst out laughing, his arms clutching his sides. You stared wide eyed at your friend, possibly more shocked by his reaction than by the abusive toy. "Gojo's making me practice control." Yuji began to explain, "I'm watching some movies if you guys want to join."

"No, it's okay. Just wanted to make sure you were safe." You responded, sending a soft smile his way as you watched the puppet's chest rise and fall with every breath while it slept.

"Are you sure?" A deeper voice asked, a mouth popping out of the back of Yuji's hand, "I'm sure you'd have a good time." It tempted. Megumi stiffened beside you, stepping forward to get in between you and the cursed boy. Itadori was still very much in control but Sukuna's words irked Megumi.

"What's wrong, Spikes." He toyed, pulling at Megumi's patience. "Am I flirting with your girl? I bet she'd enjoy herself more with us."

Yuji frowned, still holding the animated puppet away from his body. He knew that fighting with Sukuna would only encourage him in the long run, even if it upset his fellow students. At least they didn't have to hear everything he said, constantly speaking in his head.

"I dunno, Sukuna." You said, "Megumi sure knows how to make the bed rock."

Flabbergasted your friend looked down trying to hide his blush. It wasn't true, none of it was. But you figured that if you were going to have to deal with the unwelcomed spirit's chatter then you would at least have fun with it.

"Oh?" Sukuna asked, "You two don't make a very cute couple. Why do the hottest girls always pick the ugliest guys." He mused.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you watched Megumi's hands raise, subtly beginning to summon his shikagami. Your own hands shot out, grabbing him and stopping his actions. "Ya know what, it was really great catching up with you Sukuna but I have a bag of popcorn just calling my name." You smiled, trying to cover up what almost could've happened. The mouth pouted momentarily before disappearing. Satisfied you nodded goodbye to a clearly humiliated Yuji and walked back to Megumi's door, pulling him along with you.

You waited before the two of you were securely behind the wooden door before turning back to your friend. "What were you thinking out there?!" You tried to keep your voice down but quickly found yourself failing. "You could've been badly hurt or, or even killed, Megumi."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." He rebutted, "Sukuna isn't safe, Itadori isn't safe. You shouldn't be working with him."

"You're not getting the point. Sukuna doesn't seem to care about anything that's happening right now. He's content with his vessel. What would've pissed him off is getting your dogs to attack Yuji, why would you even try that to begin with."

Megumi exhaled loudly, his anger disappearing as his shoulders deflated. "I didn't like how he was speaking to you." You shook your head at him, your own anger fleeting.

"I can handle myself. You know that."

"Yeah," He nodded, "I do know that. He should treat you better though." You walked up to him, leaning forward and resting your head on his chest. You let out a soft sigh.

"The most powerful curse known to man is living inside the body of one of our new classmates. He can say whatever he wants to me as long as it keeps everyone safe, including you." You lifted your head to look at Megumi. "So please," You stressed, "Don't do anything to upset him."

"I won't."

In truth, you didn't really believe him. Megumi was stubborn and above all would do anything to protect you. But you were a big girl now, you could hold your own. Regardless you smiled at him and put it aside, "Thank you."

Pushing yourself off his chest you turned back to the microwave, your slightly cold popcorn waiting patiently for you to eat it. "Now, what movie are we watching tonight?"

He shrugged, "Up to you."

"Maybe I should go ask Yuji for some movie recommendations." You teased, wiggling your eyebrows at Megumi. "I bet Gojo gave him a great selection."

"Yeah," He scoffed, "If you like Jennifer Lawrence."

"What are you talking about?" Sure you liked her as much as the average person but his comment caught you off guard.

"Ah, it's a guy thing." He said nonchalantly, "You wouldn't get it."

You rolled your eyes, grabbing your popcorn and striding over to his bed. "Well, are we watching a movie or not."

Megumi finally joined you as the smell of butter invaded his senses, sitting beside you and pulling out his laptop. It'd take time but eventually, you'd be able to agree on something to watch. Even if it took all night.

---

You woke up the next morning to your phone buzzing on the bedside table beside you. Without looking you answered it, worried the sound would wake the boy sleeping on the floor next to you. "Hello?" Your voice was groggy as you let out a small yawn still tired from the movie marathon the night before.

"You're late."

The sound of Nanami's voice on the end of the line made your eyes widen. You were so screwed. "Sorry, Sensei. I-" You heard a soft beep as he hung up the call. Quickly you threw the covers off yourself, careful not to wake Megumi as you grabbed your things and tugged a sweatshirt on over your pajamas.

Making your exit you quietly closed the door. Megumi was many things but he was most definitely not a morning person and the last thing you needed to deal with was the wrath of two men so early in the morning. Sprinting through the dorm hallways you made your way down the staircase and towards the gym. When you finally made it to your destination you stood outside for a moment, taking a deep breath. The last time you were late he'd made you run a lap for every second you'd missed. You were five minutes late.

Three hundred laps.

But Nanami never used the same punishment twice, which now led to an internal panic. It could be anything his brain could think of.

Trying your best to now calm yourself you were at least ten minutes late. The latest you'd ever been, but hopefully you wouldn't get hurt too bad when it was all said and done. Fearfully you pushed past the gym doors quickly spotting your mentor and Itadori.

How could you have forgotten the events of the day before? In the rush to wake up and get to training in time it'd completely slipped your mind that it wasn't just you and Nanami anymore. The sound of the door closing made both of the men turn towards you. Yuji's eyes quickly meeting yours as you walked towards them, slipping your shoes off.

Suddenly you felt oddly aware of the boy's attention, beginning to regret your wardrobe choice of leggings and a wrinkled hoodie. You bailed so fast from Megumi's room that you hadn't even stopped to look in front of a mirror, let alone wash your face or brush your teeth. Grimacing internally you attempted to brush it off - to ignore it. Being a sorcerer wasn't about your appearance or presentation it was about skill and techniques.

At least if Yuji did notice how bad you looked he was nice enough not to mention it, turning back towards his new mentor as you went to stand beside him.

"Finally." Nanami huffed, "You've decided to grace us with your presence."

"Did ya miss me 'Nami. It's only been a few hours, couldn't stand to live without me, huh?" He sent a glare your way, if looks could kill you'd be six feet under. Yuji snickered quietly beside you, trying not to get on his new teachers bad side.

"Today we're practicing teamwork. Something that you aren't great at, (y/n)." Now it was your turn to send a glare his way. "I'm fantastic at it. I don't know what you could be talking about."

"Where should I begin? Maybe the time you shoved Megumi into a room of curses as a prank? Or the time that you got Nobara so annoyed that she almost struck you with her nails? I think she still has that locket of your hair, maybe I should call her up-"

"Hey, hey, we get the picture I'm not as funny as I think I am." You grumbled, shifting on your feet. In your defense, it was a room of fly heads and Nobara was just easy to piss off. You weren't exactly expecting her to try to kill you though. It was all water under the bridge.

"Now," Your mentor continued, "I've been told there's a grade two curse at a nearby school. Tomorrow we will go and exorcise it, but today you need to get to know each other." You and Yuji turned towards each other, eyeing one another apprehensively. "But, you may under no circumstances share your cursed techniques. That will be discovered in time.

"Shucks, how will he ever know how special I am." Another glare from Nanami was enough to shut you up, maybe you should stop pushing it for now.

"I'll see you guys later."

"What?" Yuji asked, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the blonde man. "You're just leaving us like that?"

"Yes. Is there a problem?" Nanami questioned, pulling his glasses down slightly to look directly at Itadori.

"Can't say I have a problem with being alone with (y/n)"

You let out a soft groan when you heard the deeper voice. You didn't even need to look to know that Sukuna was now talking. Your sensei, now clearly annoyed just walked away leaving the two of you - technically three of you alone in the gym.

"So.... Jennifer Lawrence?" You said, attempting to break the somewhat awkward silence.

Sukuna started laughing from Yuji's hand as his cheeks turned red, "Who told you that?"

"I never reveal my secrets." You teased at the obviously embarrassed boy. "Well if we just have to get to know each other wanna go get something to eat? I never got a chance to eat breakfast."

"Yeah." Yuji grinned, "Let's go."

[smellsfaintlyofvanilla]

author-chan!! can i have angst of annie leonhardt' s/o leaving her after she confesses that she's the female titan:(((

also i wish you luck with your blog ٩( ᐛ )و

tHIS HURT ME TO WRITE, ANNIE DESERVES HAPPINESS!

On another note though, thank you! I’m having fun so far ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Oh, and to preface, this turned out a lot more angsty and violent than I had sort of planned in my head, so if you want something changed, I can easily go back and edit it.

Monster

(Annie Leonhart x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: Slight violence, season 3 spoilers

Category: Angst

Summary: After finding out she is the Female Titan, Annie’s s/o leaves her, leaving her heartbroken and angry.

Words: 2.0K

The most recent scouting expedition was an absolute disaster.

You thought things were going well. One of your first scouting missions, and you had made it far into titan territory without much trouble.

But then, she appeared.

An abnormal for sure. Shown to be fast and agile, plus very intelligent, the Scouts stood no chance. She mindlessly ripped through your comrades in search of Eren, pushing all the way up to the forest, and wiping out almost all of the Levi squad.

Luckily, you were able to make it out of the mission relatively unscathed, physically anyway. Mentally, you were a mess. The experience messed you up for sure, you had never been more terrified of a titan before then. The fear of death that she instilled in you had shaken you to your core, and as soon as you were allowed to leave, you ran to the interior to find solace in your girlfriend, Annie.

Sneaking into the military police dormitories, as you had done many times before, you quietly pushed to the door open, poking your head in in search of the blonde.

You found her alone in bed, staring at the ceiling wordlessly. Her roommate, Hitch, was strangely absent. You wondered if she was getting ready for bed. It was a bit early, as the sun had just began to set, but you figured she may have just been tired.

She didn’t seem to notice you at first, which was unnatural of the usually extremely observant soldier. Still you paid no mind to it, calling out her name.

“Annie?”

She turned to face you, and a small smile graced her lips. But something was very off about it. The smile looked so... pained. Not fake, but pained. Like it hurt her just to smile.

“Can I come in?” You asked, just out of courtesy, since she looked like she had something on her mind.

She nodded, sitting up in her bed and patting the space next to her.

You climbed onto her bed, and the two of your shared a chaste kiss before you hugged her, burying your head in her shoulder. You inhaled slowly, taking in her calming, slightly sweet scent.

“I missed you...” You muttered.

She chuckled just a little, before wrapping her arms around you and falling backwards, pulling you with her so you were tucked into her side. “I missed you too...”

You snuggled closer into her chest, taking deep, relaxed breaths for the first time in days.

You laid in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before you finally started to talk about what had really been bugging you.

“The scouting mission was a disaster.” You said, slightly muffled into her chest. You could’ve swore you felt her breathing hitch and her muscles tense up at the mention of it.

You pulled your head out of her chest, not even waiting for her to beckon you to continue, deciding to keep talking anyway.

“There was this huge abnormal, and she was faster and smarter than any one I’ve ever seen before!” You cried out, not even bothering you control your voice. You needed this experience off of your chest as soon as possible. “She killed so many Scouts! I saw it all with my own two eyes, I thought for sure I was gonna die!” Tears formed in your eyes as you recounted the experience, images flashing through your head and screams ringing in your ears.

Your hands covered your eyes, eyes squeezing shut so tightly that bright colors seemed to flash over your vision as your eyebrows furrowed. Quiet sobs and sniffles escaped your lips.

After a moment, you realized Annie still hadn’t moved an inch. The Annie you know would’ve been shushing your cries and petting your hair, as she’s done so many times before, but right now, she didn’t move a muscle.

Your eyes fluttered wide open, and you bit your bottom lip to suppress your sobs. You shakily moved your head up to look at her. She was completely frozen, even her breathing had stopped momentarily, as she stared at the wall with wide, unmoving eyes. Her expression looked so mortified.

You gasped out loud as it finally clicked, your hands moving from your ears to cover your mouth, and your pure shock immediately stopped the flowing tears. All the pieces fell into place in your mind at once.

The expression on her face was recognizable anywhere. God, how did you not notice it before?!

Guilt.

Confused and panicked, you sat up and scampered to the opposite side of the bed, still in disbelief.

“A... Annie?” Your whisper was barely audible, but compared to the tense stillness of the room, she heard you perfectly. “Tell me it isn’t true...”

You had ignored it. You didn’t want to think about any of it. You didn’t want to think about how similar the female titan looked to her, or how the female titan had the same martial arts technique as her, or how strange she had been acting lately, especially now after the attack. You still clung to hope that, maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.

She finally sucked in a breath harshly through her clenched teeth, lowering her head in shame and hiding her eyes from yours.

“I...” She whispered. The tone in her voice almost made you pity her. She sounded so sad, like a kicked puppy. The furrow in your brow softened, but you remained on guard until she finished her sentence.

“I’m so sorry... Y/n...”

At that moment, you felt a switch flip in your mind. This was no longer the Annie you knew. She wasn’t the Annie that would lean on you silently during mealtimes, or the Annie that would kiss you on the forehead when you woke up together, or the Annie that smiled lovingly whenever you told her that you loved her.

No, not anymore. This was a monster. She was a monster.

Burning rage and heartbreak coursed through your veins, taking over your body as you lost any control you may have had. She didn’t need to try to apologize. She didn’t deserve forgiveness.

You grabbed her by the shoulders, and before she even had the chance to react, you tackled her off of the bed and onto the creaky wooden floors of the dorm, landing on top of her with a loud thud.

She shut her eyes and winced in pain for a moment, but she opened them to look at you. As soon as her eyes met yours, you saw them widen with fear. Not fear for her safety, she could easily beat you in a fight if she wanted to. No, this fear was different, it was something she had feared since she first started to fall for you. And right now, it seems that fear was becoming reality.

“WHY?!” You screamed, still hovering over her. Despite your anger, your face appeared distraught, tears falling from your eyes and onto her cheeks. The tears she usually wiped away endearingly were now flowing from your eyes, and it was all because of her.

“This whole time, you pretended to love me, while you were really just our enemy? Do you have any idea how many died because of you?! What are you doing this for?! WHY, ANNIE, WHY?!”

Tears fell from Annie’s eyes as she struggled to form a coherent sentence.

You remained on top of her, waiting impatiently for an answer. “Well?!”

“I... Y/N please... I’m sorr-” Her sentence was cut off as you raised your fist and struck her in the nose with all your might. Her head flung to the side, blood already spurting from her face.

“Don’t give me that sorry bullshit! You aren’t sorry at all! You just want to save your hide!”

You sat up from your previous position, but your knees stayed grounded on the floor to either side of her. You stared at her, your expression broken and unremorseful.

“You’re a traitor...” Your voice dropped to a solemnly low pitch, and a pained, almost hysterical laugh ripped through your throat. You calmed down within moments, however, and stared into her eyes. If looks could kill right now, she would be dead on the floor in an instant.

“You stood there with us and swore to fight against the titans... and then you went on to kill your own comrades... do you feel no remorse?” You shook your head, looking away as if she didn’t even deserve your acknowledgement. “You never deserved to wear the uniform. You should never have joined the ranks.”

You stood up, heading for the door. You turned to look at her once again, only to see that she hadn’t moved an inch, her head still facing to the side, looking away from you.

“Tch.” You turned around, twisting the doorknob and pushing the door open slowly.

“I can’t believe I thought I loved you,” You took a step out of the door. “You monster.”

---

Annie panted in front of the mirror, gripping the sides of the porcelain for support. The blood still leaked from her nose, the metallic taste making its way into her mouth and coating her tongue.

She looked at the mirror, and a stranger stared back. A stranger whose faced was still stained with tears. A stranger who was afraid. A stranger who, deep down, ached for her lover to return.

She should’ve known. Hell, Reiner warned her several times.

“I know you care about her, Annie, but you can’t get attached to, let alone involved with Y/N. It sacrifices the integrity of our mission as warriors.”

She winced at the memory, closing her eyes and trying to block it out. Still, his words wrapped itself around her brain.

“Besides, you know it well. We’re sinners, Annie. Monsters. We have a duty to serve, but that’s it. People will hate us simply for being born into this program, for inheriting our titans. Y/N is no different.”

She stared back into the mirror. The stranger who looked back had really believed that she could do it. That Y/N wouldn’t hate her when she inevitably found out her secret. How foolish, believing that she could be forgiven.

A sudden rush of anger and frustration washed over her, and her hand left the sink and struck the mirror in front of her. The reflection shattered, and the glass fell to the ground.

She didn’t bother to wash the blood off of her hand, or even pick the tiny shards of glass out of her hand before she punched the empty wall where the mirror used to be.

*POW*

She knew it, she always knew it, years before even being given her orders.

*POW*

Of course she knew it, how could she not?

*POW*

But she didn’t want to be reminded of it.

*POW*

She didn’t even want to think about it.

*POW*

She didn’t want it to be told to her face like that.

*POW*

And especially not by her.

*POW*

No matter how she faced it, she was just...

...

A monster.

---

She huffed in the midnight air as she ran, holding her limp right hand. It wouldn’t take a genius to look at it and tell immediately that she had shattered many of the bones in her fingers, but that didn’t matter right now. You knew her secret, and it wouldn’t be much time before you told the others.

She ran as fast as she could, skidding to a halt in front of the cabin that she unfortunately knew all too well.

---

Reiner awoke with a start, a painful sensation covering his chest. As he opened his eyes slowly, the blurry silhouette in front of him delivered another swift kick to his ribs. He groaned painfully as the silhouette began to clear.

“Annie?” Confusion and fatigue laced his speech heavily. Across the room, Bertholdt began to stir awake.

“Reiner,” She spoke. His eyes widened as he gazed into her eyes. The icy blue orbs appeared as though no one was behind them. She looked broken, as if a painful realization had shattered her entire world. “Get up. Now.”

“Huh?” He sat up, noticing her battered and bruised hand, only heightening his confusion.

“We’re going to go get Eren.” She spoke, an eerie monotony to her voice.

“Whether you like it or not,” She continued. “This mission ends today.”

SAAHFKSJHLDFSKHACKJH I NEVER WANT TO WRITE ANNIE IN PAIN AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAA

also, i put so much effort into this, but it feels really bad for some reason :|

Also I couldn’t write Annie punching the wall without comparing her to a Kyle™ lol.

Well, still, I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if I should change anything.

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 1: Recluse.

In which the MC relives the memory of their death every night since it happened, followed by confusion of their feelings towards Belphegor and his brothers- and whether or not they will truly get over their hiraeth.

[I’m on mobile, so I apologise for weird formatting. Also, this chapter itself contains scenes depicting violence and trauma, so read at your own risk <3. I’m sorry for any mistakes, and I’ve also written this on my AO3, my username is ‘impendingcorruption’.]

”To think that I’d be saved by a human...!”

Belphegor snickered, a sort of amusement flowing through him at the thought of being rescued by you, a mere human.

He laughed again, practically drowning in his joy. “It really is ironic!” You shifted slightly, uncomfortable in his sudden happiness, which was rather quite suspicious.

He stopped and turned to you, his attention focused on you solely. Revisiting it now, it may have been the look of a predator looking down upon their prey.

”In any event, MC, all I can do is thank you.” He smiled brighter, “Now I can finally achieve what I set out to do!”

Then he opened his arms wide, signalling you for a hug. That very action diminished any flame of suspicion or doubt you had on him- a decision that you would soon come to regret.

Happily enough, you accepted his hug- feeling absolutely content and prideful at the fact that you had managed to let him out of the attic- whether it was really you or not.

He then sighed, his chin on your shoulder. “Ah... this really brings back memories. This feeling...” His body then went rigid slightly, as though he attempted to keep a sort of coldness to him. “I wonder how long it’s been since I’ve touched a human?”

The air shifted dramatically, your brain slowly gearing into fight or flight mode.

”So, MC...”

His attire changed completely. The air turned cold and frosty, replicating the aura coming off of him as he suddenly let go of you, slightly pushing you back- away from him. You cowered slightly at his dramatic change of personality.

His form shifted, horns protruded out of his head and his clothes resembled those of a cow, with a gold horseshoe on his right side and a cow design sporting his left. A tail violently blew behind him, as though he was ready to attack and agitated.

“...How can I express how I’m feeling right now? What can I do?” He looked at you with a look so cold that you swore you would have just froze over.

Then once again, he changed. He switched personalities. He laughed like a madman, like a sociopath- like someone who relished the look of you in fear, cowering and shaking. But he was, he definitely was. You could see it in his eyes, damn it.

And then, you were pinned to the wall, with one of his hands holding you in place by your throat, your toes barely touching the ground. A black, misty sort of aura became oh so visible around him, making itself violently clear to you.

“You humans really are foolish, idiotic, weak creatures, aren’t you?” His head shook in a sort of disapproval, but you could tell he enjoyed it. He loved this feeling of empowerment. The air no longer reached your lungs and you feebly attempted to call for help.

“You’re so stupid that I can’t help but laugh. Don’t blame me for tricking you, blame yourself for falling for it.” His eyes because glassy and glazed over, like he wasn’t there anymore.

His claws dug deeply into your throat that you swore you could feel blood in your damn lungs. He gripped harder, only to throw you into the ground like a piece of trash.

Your head hit first, blood dripped from your forehead and breathing was so hard that you were gasping for it, begging in your mind for somebody to save you from this monster.

Your vision glazed over and tears gushed down your cheeks due to your helplessness and fear. You wanted to call for help, but your throat ached so bad that any attempt to talk felt like molten nails were being scraped down your throat.

You raised your head and feebly attempted to crawl away, but Belphegor clamped his shoe on your back and held you down, then he raised his leg and kicked your back hard enough to the point where he either severely bruised you or fractured your spine.

”If you die, the exchange program will be ruined, and Diavolo’s reputation will be in tatters.”

He didn’t consider you a person with feelings, he only considered you a pawn for him to break and cause havoc against the three realms with.

“I hate humans, you see. I hate them more than anything in the three worlds.”

He propped you up against the wall and kneeled in front of you as you moaned in absolute misery and pain. You swore that he was only a few seconds away from breaking your spine and rendering you unable to move.

He gripped your face tightly, his claws digging into your soft skin and copper dripped down your cheeks, mingling with your tears as you waited for him to put an end to you.

His hand wrapped around your shoulder, then smashed it against the wall as your arm lay limp and paralysed.

With both hands on each side of your face, he continued.

”Hehe, does it hurt? Finding it hard to breathe? I’m sure it must feel very unpleasant.”

He smacked the back of your head on the wall, a horrible feeling of liquid made your hair sticky and a strange shade of red.

“I have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this...” He stared at you, a sadistic smile on his lips.

”...Why, it’s so much fun that I can barely stand it! I... I can’t contain the laughter!”

And with his horrible, amused laugh ringing in your ears, you succumbed to a dreamless sleep.

———————————————————————

You woke up with a start, your chest heaving and your heart felt as though it were in pain. It hurt to breathe and tears gushed out like waterworks. It was surprising you didn’t scream as you woke up.

Sobs barely escaped your lips as your body shook with the intensity of your dream- rather, nightmare. There was barely any light peeking in from your bare window so you assumed it was late into the night, probably midnight.

Tear stains were everywhere on your pillow and your bed was rough and tousled. Your hands shook violently as they touched all the parts you were brutally injured with in your dream.

It still felt as though you were choking, even if you really weren’t. The weight of your emotions made your chest feel heavier than it should have, and you pondered if putting up a facade for your emotions was really possible at this point.

After you came back to life and you found out about your heritage, all did seem right for a while. Belphegor never really did apologise, but back then you let it go for the sake his brothers. They had only just got him back.

But in the back of your mind, you still had a sort of fear of Belphegor brewing in your head. Even if that was a different version of you, you still had those horrible memories.

And a few weeks later, when all had calmed down, the nightmares began. It would all feel so real until you woke up violently and thrashing around, defending yourself from someone that wasn’t there.

Everything had changed, and it hurt. You missed waking up early in the mornings and enjoying breakfast. You missed the happiness and contentment you felt having a life with everyone. With Lucifer too, even though he scared you.

You mourned the loss of your old life, a sort of homesickness becoming ever so stronger in your everyday life.

You hadn’t noticed before, but things were just so much more tiring as of late.

The nightmares had such a toll on you that you just couldn’t wake up on time before. Dark circles positioned themselves under your eyes for what seems like forever. It was bad enough that even Belphegor winced seeing them.

Life felt so much more dreary and not worth it. Breakfast would not stay in your stomach, and you could barely look at Belphegor or even stay in the same room as him.

And yet, nobody noticed or cared. They didn’t care about how you felt from dying at the hands of Belphegor, or how it felt to just watch your other self disappear in Mammon’s arms.

Heck, Beel would probably have no problem with remaining oblivious as long as it meant that he’d have Belphegor back. Everyone seemed like that, too. Lucifer was even getting along with him a bit more than usual.

And you just didn’t have it in your heart to crush that for them. God, no. You loved them way too much.

So you tried to cry as silently as you could, gripping yourself with your head on your knees as you silently cried for the loss of yourself and the misery that became a part of your life from since then. Who were you to ruin that? Certainly not yourself, a mere human. They’d never understand anyway.

Human life spans were only a blip on their radar. They would live for thousands of more years to come, and you would be gone in a matter of decades.

A knock on your door shook you awake from your thoughts.

”Hey, MC? I’m coming in.”

In horror and complete surprise, you lay down on your bed and tried your best to make it look like you were sleeping.

The doorknob turned and a figure came in. Judging by the voice, you recognised him, Belphegor.

Still red eyed, with your nose sniffling and face a mess, you hid as much as you could and pretended to sleep as he came ever so closer to you.

He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder and shook you slightly, “I know you’re not asleep, cut the act.” Your heart lurched as you opened your eyes and could see him standing in front of you.

He was holding his signature pillow, the one with a cow based design on it, and a laptop with a CD.

”MC, if you can’t sleep, do you want to watch a movie with me? I could hear you moving around, even from my room!” He chuckled slightly, a smile on his face. He looked different than how he was from his dream. He looked calmer not, but you were still deathly afraid of him.

Speechless, you shook your head as your body shook from being in such close proximity to him. You didn’t wanna be near him, especially not now.

As cold and as not cold you could be, you replied, ”No, I- I don’t. Please just go, I’m tired.” You could barely push the words out as your voice was raspy and your throat hurt, looking away from him.

His eyes narrowed in observation, “You look like you’ve been crying. Are you okay?” He tried to hold your hand, but then realised just how shaky it was.

”MC, seriously, are you okay?” He tried again, but you snatched your hand away and moved back, as far away from him as you could.

”Just go! Leave me alone!” You sniffled, your eyes darting everywhere but not on him. “I just wanna be alone. I don’t want you here... please.”

He was shocked at your sudden outburst, still standing there in disbelief as he nodded his head and tried to get a better look at you, but all you did was turn away, hiding your face in your hands.

He walked away, still holding his belongings in either hand as he left the room, not speaking a word. He stood outside your door for a second but then walked away. Thank goodness.

But then you realised how awkward it would be when you would have to face him at breakfast tomorrow. And what if he told Beel? Oh no.

You slapped yourself slightly, ashamed of what you had done. You just had to go ahead and ruin it, didn’t you? Now they’ll be asking you if you’re okay, smothering you in affection that you didn’t want.

Scolding yourself, you lay down once more and anxiety built up in your chest as you thought of tomorrow. What if they all start ignoring you because you can’t get along with Belphegor? What if Beel became uncomfortable with you because of Belphegor? What if everyone did?

That would mean that.. that you would have no one. That everyone would leave you behind and you would be forgotten. No friends, no family. And in the devildom, where demons are constantly looking to take your soul, that’s a horrible situation, if you were ever to find yourself in there.

What if you just let them eat you? You wouldn’t be much of a burden or home wrecker as you are now. And they probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. But then again, Lucifer wouldn’t want to have Diavolo’s exchange program ruined. Imagine the atrocity!

The walls felt so much more constricting now, in your room. The air felt hard to breathe and your body refused to listen to you. You were just so... tired from everything.

With a final glance at the time, you closed your eyes. Only a few more hours until you would have school. And that would be all the time you would need to imagine yourself in your original timeline, living a happy life. If only.

The world disappeared, and so did you, clutching onto your dreams as the way out of your own living nightmare.

[tallstars-rewrite]

Chapter 32

chapter list / previous / next

A bright ginger tom padded confidently along the narrow fence, taking in the scents of the morning. Dawn was cloudy and gray, but there were small streaks of yellow and orange poking through the gloomy cover. It wouldn’t take long for them to dissipate and give way to scorching clear skies. Jake normally wouldn’t bother being awake so early, as his housefolk wouldn’t be up to feed him until well after sunrise, but this morning felt different. 

Jake had looped the neighborhood twice already looking for...something. He didn’t know what, but he figured he would know when he found it. So far everything was quiet. But he knew when his gut told him that it was a day for going out, he should listen. It had always been right so far--well, ok, it was right at least half the time, but that was a good enough ratio for Jake to take seriously. So, he kept his ears and nose open and searched for anything and everything slightly out of the ordinary.

A pretty gray molly bounded up onto the fence when he walked by her yard.

“Good morning Quince,” Jake greeted her. 

She purred and rubbed her cheek against his. “You're up early,” she purred in a honey sweet voice. “Are you going to watch the sunrise with me after all?”

“Sorry, I was just going to walk by the woods today.”

She rolled her eyes “There’s nothing interesting in the woods! What do you want to go there for?”

“There’s plenty interesting in the woods! Don’t you remember that story I told you before?”

“Oh yes, yes, the monster cats. You’re still going on about that?”

“They’re not monster cats Quince! They’re called warriors.” Jake said indignantly. “Well don’t let Nutmeg hear you talking about it again, you know how worked up she gets about it.”

Jake knew his friends didn’t care as much for his stories of the wild cats that prowled in the woods and beyond. And they didn’t believe him about the one he’d met once either. Sometimes even he wondered if he was just manufacturing the memory of that cat. It felt like it had been an eternity since he lived on the farm at the edge of the moorland; the world around him sprawling in every direction, massive and wondrous if his legs had only been long enough to run it. It certainly felt a bit like a dream when he described it, especially to cats who had always lived in a smaller world where you couldn’t see very far without a house or tree in the way. 

Not that Jake didn’t like living with Cris and Dusty, he loved them both dearly. His housefolk had always been in his life, though he never really understood what made him suddenly want to take all of their things and leave the farmhouse behind. Jake was happy to go with him, but he couldn’t help wishing he’d had just a little bit longer at the barn near the moors. But as his mother always said, life for a cat simply goes on. Everything changes eventually. His paws would be swept in a new direction, with him simply carried along and adapting with it. Family goes separate ways, one day you only know a few fields and a shed, the next you’re whisked to somewhere completely strange, and so it went. It was bewildering, but also exciting in a way. 

Jake had lived in his new home here for moons  He’d explored every nearby inch, including the farther town, and got lost only a few times. It was nice, but it had started to grow a tad...monotonous. And, sure enough, there came an itch in his paws and a tug in his gut that insisted...maybe it’s time to get swept along again. He was restless with the waiting, so he made a point of following the impulse every time. Usually it led him places he wasn’t supposed to be, angering housefolk and strays as he went, but...maybe this time was different.

Jake’s friends didn’t really understand his fancies, but he still tried to goad them into joining him anyway.

“There are lots of birds in the woods this time of day, Quince,” Jake pressed. “You like watching birds don’t you?”

“I like watching birds from my garden, where it’s safe,” she replied, pointedly.

He had promised not to try exploring the woods because it made Quince and Nutmeg uneasy, but it was the only place he hadn’t checked yet. Quince continued giving him a hard look.

“I’m not going in or anything!” Jake insisted.

She narrowed her clear blue eyes a bit, clearly having doubts about that.

As they walked, eventually they heard a rustling below. Someone hissed up at them. Jake and Quince looked down to see a disheveled looking tortoiseshell who walked with a bit of a limp.

“Good morning Nutmeg!” Quince chirped. “You’re not hurting your leg more are you?”

“No, mom I’m not doing any jumping,” Nutmeg rolled her eyes. She carefully clambered up onto a stool, and then a table, to poke her head over the fence.

“You look more ruffled than usual. Anything different go by?” Jake asked.

 Nutmeg broke her leg some time ago tumbling off a roof. She’d gotten frightened by a large bird when she was trying to peek into a new neighbor's garden, but the accident hadn’t stopped her from keeping up her favorite hobby: spying on all of their neighbors. Keeping a defensive lookout, she called it. Or perhaps just being very very nosy.

“Listen, I squeezed through the fence into Tyr’s yard earlier,” Nutmeg said in a hushed urgent voice, “and there’s this dangerous cat walking around!”

“Is this like the dangerous cat that actually turned out to be a little lost terrier?” Jake asked.

“Shut up Jake, that was one time!” Nutmeg hissed. “And yes, I’m sure, Tyr saw it too! It was a big lanky freak all covered in blood. It had probably just killed, and I bet it would do it again! It tried to attack both of us, but we managed to get away. Tyr just left me to scramble down the ladder like the coward he is, and I almost bent my other hind leg in the process.”

“So you have been hurting your leg more,” Quince tutted. “You're never going to get rid of that limp at this rate.”

“Are you even listening? That dangerous cat is still out there! You should both go back to your gardens and get inside.”

Jake couldn’t hide the spark of excitement. This was certainly different.

 Nutmeg glared at him with flattened ears. “I know that look Jake, and don’t you dare even think about it. You can’t go messing with dangerous strays! Last time you did that you almost lost an ear to a mangy old brute.”

“We came to an understanding eventually,” Jake said simply. “I just surprised him is all.”

“Well this isn’t just any stray! This cat wasn’t normal, it was long and gangly and bony, and its claws were huge. A mistake of nature if ever I saw one! So whatever you're thinking, you’d better not.”

Jake blinked at her innocently. “I wasn’t thinking about anything.”

“He was just thinking of strolling by the woods.” Quince chirped.

“Tattle-tail,” he grumbled.

“No!” Nutmeg yowled, digging her claws into the fence in exasperation. “It was right by the woods where we saw it! Just go later! Or better, not at all! Do you have fluff in your brain?”

“It would be a better idea to go home, I think,” Quince said nervously. “I certainly don’t want to meet any aggressive strays.”

Jake sighed. “Alright, alright. Since everyone’s so worked up about it.”

“Thank you.” Nutmeg huffed, “Now get out of my garden, you're going to attract attention.”

Jake waved goodbye to both his friends as Quince quickly made her way back to her own house. He padded onward down the fence. His home was nearby, since he’d already made a full loop of the neighborhood. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to keep his promise about going inside. What kind of cat could Nutmeg have been talking about? She had a tendency to exaggerate, but she did seem very worked up. He could go to Tyr and ask him, but Tyr was...well, Jake didn’t want to call him “stuck up” because that would be rude, but he was sometimes... difficult to talk to. And more prone to exaggerating than even Nutmeg. Whatever this mystery was, he’d have to find clues himself.

Jake always believed his paws would take him where he needed to be even if the path there was bumpy, and that destiny was something that had funny and unexpected ways of finding you. Maybe it was an overly colorful way to look at life or even a little naive, he knew that, but Jake figured he would rather be a little naive then miserable and bored. And as he approached his garden, he became all the more certain his gut was right about today after all. 

A sharp scent hit the roof of his mouth and he opened his jaws to get a better taste. Was that...blood on the grass? Jake couldn’t help his curiosity. How could he possibly not follow it? So follow it he did, and to his surprise, the trail led him right into his own yard. Cris would still be asleep. Housefolk hated when Jake woke them up, but he would do it if he had to, in case there really was some sort of danger.

His other housemate, Dusty, had broken off a small bottom chunk of the wooden fence trying to dig his way out (and maybe Jake had encouraged it a bit), and it looked like someone else had squeezed their way through the hole. Slipping through after it, Jake could scarcely believe his eyes. 

There was a long, stretched out form sprawled out awkwardly in the freshly cut grass. Skinny, bloody, and scratched up badly. There was dark wet spots on the ground where it smelled like they'd been sick. It was certainly a cat by the looks of it, though for sure an odd looking one. They were rather big, with an impossibly long tail and the biggest ears Jake had ever seen. 

A series of memories came flooding to the surface of his mind. The sprawling moors, the scraggly border of the woods, a bewildered black and white face blinking down at him with eyes the most beautiful shade of orange and copper Jake had ever seen, like a brilliant setting sun. Memories from a different world that almost felt like dreams these days.

Jake sniffed the limp form. He was definitely passed out cold. It couldn’t really be him could it? It was too perfect a coincidence. It was absurd! And yet...Tallpaw was there. Of course, it all made sense now, that “lanky freak” couldn’t possibly be any cat else.

 And he was an absolute mess. 

“By all the stars!” Jake breathed “What happened to you?”

***

Nutmeg was the last to pull herself up onto Jake’s windowsill. 

“Be careful not to put weight on your leg,” Quince warned. Nutmeg huffed in annoyance for the mollys fussing. 

“Be quick! You won’t believe it,” Jake chirped. He could hardly keep the excitement out of his voice.

“I hope it’s good, because you’re right, so far I don’t believe it.” Tyr scoffed. Jake hadn’t actually invited him, but the pampered old tom had just invited himself as usual, and Jake was too nice to tell him to go away. The windowsill barely fit all four cats. Jake ignored Tyr’s comment and peered in, eyes bright with excitement.

“I’m telling you, it’s the same cat I talked about that I met when I was younger, I’d know those ears anywhere!”

Nutmeg narrowed her eyes. “And he’s in your house now because…?”

“Well, yesterday he passed out outside and I got Cris’s attention because I knew he would help any hurt cat, and then he took him away and brought him back, and now he’s in this room!”

“I cannot believe your housefolk just brought a strange stray into your house! Neither of you know if he’s dangerous. Jake, your housefolk’s head is as full of fluff as yours is,” Nutmeg exclaimed.

Jake turned up his nose. “He cares about everyone, I like that about him! Now wait here, I heard mumbling earlier, so I bet my friend is awake.”

Nutmeg’s short mottled fur stood on end “Wait, don’t go into that room! What are you thinking?”

“Everything’s perfectly under control, Nutmeg,” Jake assured her as he squeezed through the narrow gap in the open window. This window luckily never closed all the way and it was easy to shove a paw under and get open. Jake leaped down into the room and padded over to the carrier. It was covered in a shabby towel. 

Poking his head underneath the cloth, he said as gently as he could “Hey, how are ya feeling? Any better?”

A garbled growl was his response. Well he was sort of awake at least. The carrier suddenly shook violently. Alright, he was definitely awake. Jake scooted back as a long, clumsy white forepaw shot out between the bars and swiped blindly at the air. When the paw got tired and drooped onto the floor, Jake patted it gently with his own paw, and promptly dodged another swipe in response. 

He looked back at his bristling friends on the windowsill. “See, perfectly under control. He’ll feel better when he’s not stuck in that box. Hey Nutmeg, what was the trick you figured out about opening these carriers again?”

“I’m not telling you!” Nutmeg's growl was very high pitched. “You can’t let that thing out Jake, you don’t have any idea what you’re doing!”

“Maybe it would be best to be careful, Jake.” Quince agreed.

“Oh nevermind, I remember now.” Jake pawed at the silver lock. It had to slide in some direction...He batted at it, and the cat inside growled in alarm. “Don’t be afraid! I just have to paw at this until it moves.”

At last it slid, now if he could just get a claw around the door….

It turned out he didn’t have to, as a blur of black and white barreled into the door and it flung open, forcing Jake to spring back. A bristling ball of fur and bandages rocketed across the room until it tumbled into a pile of spare towels tossed on the floor. Cris was never very good at cleaning the house. He heard his friends on the window cry out in alarm, and Jake instinctively jumped back up on the tall windowsill, needing a bit of help from Quince to haul himself all the way up.

“There, everything’s fine,” Jake gasped. “Just want to give him a moment to calm down, being trapped in those little boxes is the worst.”

“That’s...really a genuine real life wild cat then?” Even Nutmeg sounded a bit amazed.

“Yep! He’s from the huge field I told you about, he’s the fastest cat who ever lived.”

“You don’t know that,” Tyr sniffed. He hated any cat that was more impressive than himself, with his “purebred bloodline” whatever that meant.

“I do so know it,” Jake argued, “They’re all really big, and they have a whole society with no housefolk to take food from. And we were friends, and he helped me get home when I was lost once!” 

An angry pair of blazing orange eyes glared at them, hissing as he tried to stand up, but wobbling badly on his feet and falling over soon after. The vet’s medicine had obviously not worn off as Tallpaw stumbled around the room. Jake heard Quince giggle.

“He’s really as noble as you described,” she purred.

“Be nice!” Jake said. “We all saw how bad Nutmeg was when she came back from the vet after her leg got hurt. They make your head all funny.”

Down below, Tallpaw had gotten frightened by a mirror, tried to claw it, hurt his paw and scampered awkwardly away. “Who’s there?” he slurred. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m not afraid of anyone.” He smacked a stray piece of trash on the floor, but the noise it made when it clattered into the wall clearly startled him. He arched his back and snarled.

“He’s snarling at a piece of plastic.” Nutmeg said.

“He’s just confused, I’m sure I can calm him down.” Jake mewed.

Suddenly, Tallpaw whipped around at the sound of their voices and launched himself at them, attempting to leap up onto a shelf near the window. Nutmeg cried out in alarm. Tallpaw’s aim was unsurprisingly poor as he missed the high shelf and tumbled back to the ground. At last he lay still on the carpet, panting.

“W-well he is...something, isn’t he?” Quince stuttered.

Jake winced. “I’ll er...I’ll go see how he’s doing.”

“Wait, that is that same cat from yesterday, I know it!” Nutmeg called, claws digging anxiously into the old wood. “Jake, he’s dangerous and clearly insane, you can’t just walk up to strays like that!”.

“Well, I’m gonna,” Jake said over his shoulder. “I told you, I know him! His name is Tallpaw.”

“I thought its name was Tal.” Tyr muttered.

Tallpaw was breathing heavily on his side, clearly having exhausted himself from his drunken run around the room. Jake padded up and tentatively touched him on the side. Tallpaw’s head shot up, lurching back to his paws again and barring his teeth, but his gaze was blurry and unfocused. “Don’t sneak up’n me, intruder!” he slurred.

“Oh you're not on about that again, are you?” Jake laughed. “Come on Tallpaw, don’t you remember me? It’s me! It's Jake!”

“W-wh....Jake?” Tallpaw blinked at him blearily, as if he was trying to focus. He swayed back and forth on his paws like a tree in the wind.

“Yes, Jake. You're in my house.” Jake mewed slowly.

Tallpaw looked around again, his eyes focused on the three kittypets muttering to each other outside the window. “They’re laughing at me,” he growled. “I’m getting outside.”

 Before Jake could stop him, Tallpaw crouched and leapt straight at the window. Tyr yowled in fear and promptly fell off his perch. Of course, Tallpaw smacked hard into the glass and fell back down again with a loud thump that shook the windowpane, but obviously didn’t budge it. Nutmeg and Quince were bristling in surprise, but Quince was clearly trying very hard to suppress a giggle. 

Nutmeg was less amused. “What is wrong with that cat?” she hissed.

“It’s ok! It’s ok, no one is laughing at you!” Jake said quickly. 

Tallpaw covered his eyes and groaned.

Jake pressed his nose against his head. “It’s all ok, maybe just stay on the ground ‘til you're feeling a little less dizzy, yeah?”

Tallpaw’s sunset colored eyes widened again as he looked up. “Jake?” he wheezed, as if he’d only just seen him.

“That’s it!” Jake purred. The wild cat remembered after all.

 “But...but you got eaten by a monster. Where am I?”

Jake cocked his head in confusion. “Huh? I didn’t get eaten by anything, I just moved away.” 

“You’re not real. I’m dead, this is just part of the punishment...” Tallpaw moaned and flopped back down, burying his face in his paws.

Jake licked his head. “I’ll give you a moment to rest until your head clears.” 

“It’s so bright and loud,” Tallpaw mumbled. “I know buddy, here this will help.” Jake tugged the towel off the carrier and went to awkwardly drape it over the shaking WindClan cat. “There, if you can’t see it, it can’t hurt you.”

Tallpaw only groaned again, but eventually grew quiet and still. Jake looked sheepishly up at his friends while they stared in complete bafflement at the bundle beneath a towel.

Well alright, so this wasn’t the best of introductions. 

Eventually the others were shooed away, but they were obviously very hesitant. Jake couldn’t help being a bit frustrated. Sure there had been one or two times….or maybe several times where he assured his friends that he knew what he was doing, only to come home with new angry bite wounds from adventures gone awry, but couldn’t they give him the benefit of the doubt?

 The house cat sat contentedly next to the wild cat trapped in his house, who was still halfway hidden under a towel and making the occasional whimpering sound. Jake blinked fondly at him and sharpened his claws on the carpet to contain a burst of restless bubbling excitement. He had a feeling the next change in his life was about to start.

chapter list / previous / next

[oftenderweapons]

Apple of My Pie — Jin

A Small Town Swoons story

Chapter 1.

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x reader (nicknamed Buttercup)

Wordcount: 3.5k words

Genre: non-idol!AU, Baker/Café owner!Seokjin, University student!reader Flatmates!AU, Friends To Lovers, Fluff, slightest angst.

Rating: suggested 18+ (there are brief apparitions of dirty thoughts, also future episodes will contain NSFW material)

A/N: Hello my sweet poppies! Welcome to the Small Town Swoon Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: Jin and Buttercup met when she was nothing but a scared, homesick first year student. Four years later, the two share an apartment close to her university and his bakery and café, and are the best of friends, sharing the house, several meals and, most importantly a sacred breakfast ritual. However, as far as sharing goes, Seokjin’s heart has belonged exclusively to Buttercup for four years. Exhausted, Jin finally decides to let go of his unrequited feelings, or at least try.  

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Oh, this is chill. Light swearing, heavy infraction of The Silent Roommate Code (aka don’t do the nasty with your bf when your roommate is sleeping in the bed at the other end of the room. Especially if she’s a virgin, first year and very homesick). Also, there is a quick flash image of breast worship, sorry.  

Remember to vote for next prompt (check the link in my bio) and in case you need it, here’s my masterlist 💜

In case you need it, here is the music companion

Enjoy! ✨💜

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

It was a slow morning at Jin’s café, only a pair of clients sitting at the small table in the corner, two girls who always met there on Sunday morning, at an illegal hour for the weekend. They had outdoor equipment with them, and probably it was just a stop for a quick breakfast before going skiing or trekking, which was strange considering the disastrous downpour outside, but who was he to debate.

Plus the usual early birds were late too, probably because of the university bonfire the night before.

Seokjin yawned and silently cried over his lost hours of sleep. He was ready to sit down, tip the back of his head against the wall and sleep — actually, rest his eyes —, when the bell at the front door dinged, announcing a new customer.

He inhaled and wore his best smile, standing up. “Good morn— Oh my god, sweetie are you alright?” He asked, seeing a drenched young girl stand at the door.

“I might use a friend.”

That girl was you, running away from your roommate and her boyfriend fucking in your dorm room. Right in the bed beside yours. With you there. And they didn’t even bother keeping quiet.

Seokjin was awestruck. You were soaked like a stray kitten left out in the rain, your hair sticking to your face, your eyes wide and your lip trembling, speaking of several degrees of trauma. “Poor thing.” He murmured, “wait, I should have a blanket back here.”

He dashed for the small cot he had in his office, in the back of the shop, gripping the fleece blanket and bringing it back to the counter, jogging around it and opening the blanket wide as he stared at you. “It’s better if you take off your robe. It’s dripping wet.” He said discreetly.

The girls at the front stared at the scene, a bit worried about you but mostly endeared at the cute barista taking care of you.

“May I use the restroom? The shirt underneath is, uh, thin... Oh, god this is so embarrassing.” You hid your face in your hands.

“Of course,” Jin blushed to his ears, offering you the blanket. “Would you like some coffee? Tea? Cocoa?”

Your lip wobbled, eyes watering and not for the rain. “Cocoa?”

“Yes, sweetie. Go get changed, the restroom is over there.” He pointed at the door.

“Thank you so much.” You said, placing the blanket in front of your chest.

Seokjin rushed behind the counter, grabbing a rag to dry up the wet patches you had left on the floor before someone slipped. Next he got your cocoa ready.

In the quiet morning, through the background music and the gentle chatting of the other two clients, he could hear you using the hand dryer, glad that it was set on hot air so that you could hopefully warm yourself in the process. He even thought of bringing you in the actual bakery, where he had a small traditional stove operated by firewood, other than the big oven working for croissants and banana bread and brownies and pies.

You emerged from the bathroom a little more composed, bundled up in his blanket.

It smelled good. Like raw sugar, butter and apples. A tinge of raisins.

It smelled domestic, like your granny.

You missed your granny.

You missed home.

Your lip wobbled again.

“Come sit”, he said, pointing at a chair in a private corner of the room, somewhere you would be a bit protected from the rest of the shop. It was also conveniently close to the counter, so he could check on you and ask you if you wanted to talk about what had happened. His first thought was that you were a teenage runaway with very bad planning skills, considering that you had run out in your pyjamas and a jacket, your shoes definitely inappropriate for the weather outside, holding only a pair of keys and your wallet in your hands, placing them on the counter once you sat.

“I’m Seokjin.” He said kindly, offering you his hand.

You caught his hand and introduced yourself.

“So, what brings you here with this devil weather so early on a Sunday morning.”

“Running away from my roommate and her boyfriend.” You said, hugging the blanket tighter around you.

“What hap— Nevermind, I think I got it.” Seokjin said, blinking repeatedly. Goodness, people were nasty. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, placing the cup of cocoa in front of you. “Cream? Cocoa powder? Cinnamon? Chocolate sauce? Marshmallows?” He asked.

You teared up. “Marshmallows.”

He poured an abundant amount of them as he pouted, noticing you had become even more upset.

“There you go, Buttercup.” He said, smiling at you so kindly.

“Thank you,” you said, your voice weak and your forehead creased as you desperately tried not to let your tears spill.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, delicately letting his hands move toward yours, moving slowly to see if you took it away. “May I?” He asked, his fingers hovering over yours.

You nodded. While your left hand held the blanket close to your chest, your right ended pressed between his warm palms, the one on top rubbing your knuckles.

“How old are you?” He asked, worried. He wore a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry, you look very young, I’m just asking to see if I should call your parents or anyone adult.”

“I live at the dorms. I’m in college.” You said, frowning a little.

“As I said, you look very young. And there are some underage students here so...” He explained, his deep, dark eyes breaching through your bad mood.

“I’m a first year. Nineteen.” You said.

“Poor darling, that must be so hard on you.” He said softly, still patting your hand.

You nodded. “I miss my family. My granny.”

“Oh, buttercup.” He cooed.

If you were in a sane state of mind you would have snickered at yourself and at how miserable you looked.

Still, you were grateful for the kind and gentle Seokjin. And how easily he had brought you back home, with the scent of his café, the taste of the cocoa and the specific brand of marshmallow that your grandmother always got for you when you were little.

“It’s a three hour drive. And it’s tough here.” You said, hiding your face as you dried one tear.

“Do you have any friends here?” He asked.

You shook your head. “Not really.”

Seokjin smiled, his eyes becoming even kinder as his cheeks became round and puffy. “From today, I’m your friend.”

Seokjin, you are a strong-willed, honest man. You are a gentleman. You are a good human. He kept repeating in his brain.

You are a polite, friendly, reliable. You are her friend. He repeated as a mantra.

Still, his brain was completely drowned with thoughts of you in the shower.

The two of you had become flatmates in rushed circumstances after you found an apartment ten minutes away from your university, which allowed you to walk there without having to take the bus or end up in the decrepit dorms, sharing a room way too small with someone way too rude or too loud.

Seokjin still didn’t know what had convinced him to share an apartment with you. It was hell. And heaven too, when he didn’t keep reminding himself that you weren’t his girlfriend, that you would never see him like that, and that he shouldn’t be playing house with you.

It was torture and bliss. Bliss on your Sunday mornings, when you could have breakfast together, or random nights when you would have movie marathons together and you would fall asleep against his shoulder, when he would cook for you and you would have dinner together over a glass of wine, laughing and making jokes. The more he spent time with you like that, seeing you drink your morning cup of coffee while still half asleep, on those days when he had someone else doing the morning shift — which was extremely rare — the more he realised you were absolutely perfect for him.

And then torture.

In moments like this, while you were under the shower, when you got out of it and as usual you walked around the house clad in nothing but a towel, absolutely comfortable in your skin, or when you thought he wasn’t home and he could hear your breathy moans and little whimpers, and then again on those two or three nights you had taken somebody home — in those circumstances he felt like he was paying for an ancient crime he didn’t know he had committed.

You had convinced him to move in with you since the apartment — being close to the university — was also incredibly close to his shop, and once he saw your eyes glimmering, your pretty face begging him to accompany you to visit the apartment, he couldn’t really say no.

So, he had said yes.

And once he saw the building, and the warm, domestic ambience, he realised that even if he would never be your lover, the least he could allow himself was to live this small daydream with you.

A week later you and him had signed the papers to rent the place. And everything had escalated from there. You had become the closest of friends, trusting and leaning on each other in every moment, through every difficulty.

However, the more he got to know about the men you dated, the more he realised you would never be attracted to him.

They were all fancy preppy boys who very likely knew the entirety of the Oxford dictionary and could probably recite Shakespeare sonnets impromptu. One of them could easily have been grandson to a duchess or a marquise. And he was pretty sure the first boy you had dated — second year university — had even a trust fund.

It was basically unreal for you to look at him with anything but friendly appreciation.

In an attempt to silence his thoughts, he got out of bed and headed for the kitchen, starting the coffee machine and getting your breakfast ready.

Maybe you would have completely ignored it being January and you would have simply climbed the barstool by the counter wearing your bathrobe, your hair still wet, and the two of you could have had breakfast just like that, without any kind of embarrassment.

As soon as coffee started brewing, your nose appeared from the bathroom door, barely ajar as you slipped out in a soft-looking white t-shirt.

As he threw a glance in your direction he knew immediately that you had very likely stolen the undershirt from his freshly washed laundry.

You slithered out of the bathroom and with stealthy footsteps you occupied your regular spot in the kitchen, watching as he prepared all the necessary material for a respectable breakfast.

“Good morning.” He said as he saw you perched on your favourite seat.

“Morning.” You replied, your feet bare, your toes gripping the small bar connecting the two front legs of the chair. “I thought you were at the café.” You said, pushing your hair away from your face. They weren’t dripping, but they were still a bit damp, especially since you had stopped drying them as soon as the smell of hot coffee reached you in the bathroom.

“Lara is covering the morning shift. I’m doing tea time today. The ladies love me and Lara can’t stand them asking about her boyfriend. I can’t have her kiss and grind on her girlfriend in the middle of my distinguished bakery out of spite.” Jin placed some apple slices on your plate, together with a quite large piece of apple pie.

In a small bowl, he poured some dry fruit before placing it on the table.

“Petty, angsty thing she is.” You said, clicking your tongue. “A true hero.”

He snickered. “Not surprised you’re friends.”

“I am patience made person.” You said, playfully offended.

“Like that one time you smashed a plate on the floor because you had burnt yourself when taking it out of the oven.”

“It was an accident. I dropped it.”

“Like it’s hot.” Seokjin murmured under his breath, lightly swaying his hips as he finished aesthetically placing your food on the plate.

“What?” You asked, comically confused.

“Nothing.” He said, stopping altogether before pouring you some coffee, adding a spray of whipped cream and decorating it with caramel and crushed caramelised almonds.

Jin asked himself how many more times he’d be able to cook you breakfast; how long until he would have to teach someone else, until you would move out with another person and you start your day with crappy industrial food instead of homemade pies and organic apples and his grandmother’s dried hazelnuts and almonds and freshly toasted chestnuts when the season was right.

Whenever he was home, he spoiled you with homemade breakfast. It was the only way he truly allowed himself to show you how desperately in love with you he is. Anytime he cooked, love simply seemed to pour out of his body through the powerful way he kneaded biscuit and pie batter, and the delicate gestures he used to place each part of a dish to form beautiful works of art: crimson red wine risotto on white porcelain plates; juicy cuts of meat, perfectly cooked in that wondrous oven of his, with a deep brown layer on the outside and the most tender dark pink in the middle, laying on the freshest bed of lettuce with a thin dribble of balsamic vinegar and crushed green peppercorn on deep blue rectangular plates.

And every Sunday was sacred. Every Sunday morning he woke up like he had spent all Saturday night courting you and making love to you — minus the obvious relief and satisfaction that come from spending all night on a bed with the person who is your partner and your lover at the same time. Sunday morning was his favourite ritual. Waking you up with the smell of your favourite hot chocolate — the one you seemed to be addicted to, and that he used on you and against you very wisely — and then cake, a different one every week, and again fruit and sometimes, in summer he would go to the closest farm, buy the milk directly from the farmer, a friend of his grandmother, at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning, bring it home, pasteurise it so that it was ready for Sunday morning, when he would use it for the healthiest of smoothies.

He loves you. He has loved you for years. And after two years of living together, losing hope was a possibility.

A possibility a bit too vast at the moment. Actually — hopefully — reality.

Today would be like any other day if it weren’t for one small fact.

Two days ago it had been four years since he first realised he had fallen for you. And two days ago he had decided he would stop chasing after you.

Therefore, he had decided that from then on, he would let go of you, even if that meant losing a part of himself. And today he would actively start walking a new path.

Once the table was ready, he arranged both your and his plate there, without passing you your cup of coffee — as he usually did — and waiting for you to come to the table.

You moved your hair out of the way as you sat down, taking your fork, not even noticing Seokjin’s first sign of petty detachment. You immediately stabbed your fork inside the apple slice and bit into it.

“Do you have lessons today?”

“Romantic Philology in the afternoon.” You replied munching, pushing your hair behind your shoulders, accidentally exposing two wet patches on the front of your t-shirt.

Actually, Seokjin’s t-shirt, but you decided he didn’t need to know that: you had simply forgotten to carry your clothes to the bathroom and once you heard the bustle going on in the kitchen, you managed to find a pair of pyjama pants in the clean laundry, but not a shirt. And you had stolen one of Seokjin’s. Not like it was a big deal.

“Romantic as in love?” He asked.

“No, as in 1830s, German, English and Italian. We’re looking into Byron and Shelley. Sometimes it’s outright boring, but our professor is so hilarious, she sees right through all those pompous arses.” You said, getting started on your masterpiece of a coffee.

“Oh.” Seokjin said. One more point for the preppy kids.

“No, it’s just academic stuff. Nothing that is actually worth something in real life. Some days I just wish I could give up on Goethe and Scott and the Brontes so I could bake cookies without a care in the world.”

And every day he wished he could give you just that. Turn his bakery into your sanctuary, hold you there, half guest, half hostage.

He decided to halt his thoughts there. No more.

“So you have teatime. Do you want me to make dinner tonight?” You asked.

“Actually no.” He said casually.

You stopped munching on your food. “Oh. It’s not Tuesday, though. Are you out with the guys, random meet up? Is Namjoon in town?”

“No.” He glued his eyes to the plate. No, he had not noticed your hardened nipples, a vague halo of dusty pink appearing from underneath the thin, wet white cotton. No. He would not let his mind wander. No, he would smash the thought out of his mind. 

Smash you. 

No! The thought. His mind. Out.

Like the colour didn’t remind him of fresh raspberry ice cream, like he hadn’t imagined dragging frozen raspberries against your oh-so-responsive buds, only to warm them with his mouth afterwards, pinch the small fruits between his fingers, crush them until tiny droplets of ruby juice landed on your lush breasts, his tongue lashing out to collect the liquid and lave your luscious curves.

But this time the thought did not enter his brain. This time he let it wither and dissolve into fine, sterile dust.

“Are you having dinner with your granny? And you didn’t invite me?” You said, pouting. “Her roast-beef is—” You stopped and swooned. “The definition of perfection.”

“I’m out on a date.” He said briefly and simply.

You frowned and quickly lifted your eyebrows, not letting the confusion show. “You sure you still know how those work?”

“It’s not like I’m celibate.” He said shrugging with his humongous shoulders. Lifting all those sacks of flour… And helping at the farm— You frowned again.

“Cinnamon?” He asked, knowing that the spice sometimes bothered you.

“No, no...”

“Do you need assistance, for your date? You sure you don’t mean the exotic, typically Egyptian fruit?”

“I mean I’m going out with a girl.” Seokjin started growing impatient.

“Who is it?” You asked, out of curiosity. In two years he had never brought a girl home. And in four years you had know each other, you had never seen him with a female friend or an actual girlfriend. You didn’t even know what is his type.

“Her name is Grace. She’s been a regular at the café for a few months now. She asked me out and I thought it would be rude to say no.”

Your interest poked, you placed down your fork. “Did she invite you?” You held your coffee in your hands, trying to keep yourself from gesticulating nervously.

“No. I did.” He said, finishing his pie and starting to eat all the hazelnuts in the small cup.

“I mean. Plenty of girls give you their phone number on a weekly basis. I literally find them everywhere. There’s around thirty on top of the washing machine alone, because I can’t do your laundry and have all those pieces of papers disintegrating and infesting our laundry and the drain. Why didn’t you ignore her like all the rest?” You asked, a bit upset.

“Because she seems a nice person,” who could love me back, which you don’t. He replied, leaving half the motivation silent in his brain.

“Cool.” You said, finishing your coffee before standing up and placing the cup in the sink.

“Cool,” he replied, neutral, watching as you left all the almonds and dried banana slices in the cup, the pie on your plate. “You’re not done with breakfast.”

“I’m late with my homework.” Which you weren’t, but you felt like your breakfast had been poisoned. Maybe that’s why you felt sick in your stomach.

Seokjin pouted and finished his food before placing your leftovers in small boxes. He knew you would come back hungry from uni and finish the food you had abandoned.

He didn’t read too much into your reaction. He was done trying to understand you.

Today he was finally done being stuck at a crossroad, and although your path in the woods felt and looked lovely and smelled even better, he opted for the safe, trodden and charted way that led out of the woods, into the uneventfulness of the ordinary.

———————————————————

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

[annonmaly]

Spoilers Ahead!

Hi, fellow bored humans! Today is another day to set aside our real-life problems and overthink matters about fictional situations. Because why not? Mochijun-Sensei can make us do that. So, last time I made a post questioning Misha's knowledge of Vani's self-hypnotism. So before anything else, I want to thank you guys who took the time to read, liked, and replied to that post. It is fun to read ideas that even I can not think about.

Grab a cup of coffee and be prepared for a long-ass non-sense.

I am calling human Vanitas = Vani, and Luna = Luna. The pronoun I use is "she" because I would not confuse myself. I know Luna said she is an enby so, do not fight me.

Today, I want to talk about Luna and her death. I know that we have too little information in our hands right now, but my brain cells can still assume something based on what we have. This thought came about with the premise that Luna is an Archiviste.

I can't think of anything that happened to them "that day", but I have a theory of why Vani killed Luna. To make things clear, I will summarize my assumptions and list them down. I made an explanation of each point. Supposedly, those would come first but I didn't expect it to be so long, that's why I decided to just put it at the end. You could ignore it if you want. Check it out if you are curious.

Luna is an Archiviste

Vani is protecting memory from his early childhood

Vani casts the hypnotism while/after he was training to be a chasseur but before Luna's death

Luna bit Vani the day she died

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Here is the idea: I think Vani killed Luna because she forced herself to drink Vani's blood for whatever reason and the self-hypnotism activated. Sound farfetched? Because it is, but I'll show you why I thought it this way.

This is my one and only proof. The eyes are almost the same, right? See, I told you I could make a long-ass post just from two panels. The left one is from the Bal-Masque arc before Vani made a scene. The right one is before Vani and Noe's death fight. I believe that Vani's hypnotism is triggered in both pictures. I actually hesitated if I should do this since Mochijun-Sensei really loves including similarities in the story. You see, Astolfo and Misha made the same eye. But all three of them have the same eyes the moment they thought about why they would kill a vampire.

Vani - to not allow anyone to steal his memory

Astolfo - because vampires shouldn't even exist

Misha - Noe didn't drink Vani's blood.

So yeah, whatever, I'll go ahead and write this one. Vani would be the main focus of this thing.

1. The way Vani's hallucination phrased this is interesting. We know Vani's father died protecting him. What about Luna? If Vani killed Luna intentionally or because of hate, she did not die "because" of Vani. Vani killed her. There's a difference between the two. Behind all that facade that Vani is showing, he's kind. He's not someone who could just kill anyone without any reason when he's in the right mind. Especially if that someone is the one who became his guardian and is helping him to find a cure to make his body normal. Initially, I thought that Luna had gone wild and reach the point of no return. That's why Vani had no other choice. Though if this is the reason, Luna still did not die because of Vani. Now, this phrase would only be right if Luna died protecting Vani or if something happened to Vani. How could this happen if she was killed by the one she's protecting. So, what if, instead of Luna going wild, Vani is the one breaking down. Thus, Luna had really no choice but to make Vani her kin. If she's an archiviste and Vani already casted the hypnotism. It would be triggered and so he had no choice but to kill Luna.

"You give yourself someone to protect that's why you're weak." -Vani to Jeanne

If Luna didn't save Vani and Misha, she might still be alive. If she chose to abandon or kill Vani (when Vani loses his mind), she might still be alive. But Luna chose to save him by making him her kin. She handicapped herself by choosing to protect Vani and she died by doing so.

2. Maybe Luna doesn't want to use this method because it involves blood drinking to leave her mark. If she's an Archiviste, perhaps her reason is the same as Noe does not drink blood "She doesn't want to look at anyone's memory without permission".

3.Vani was never an honest and straightforward guy. If there is someone/thing he wants to protect he wouldn't say it outright. Sometimes we would go full on beast mode, just to hide his real agenda. It already happened a lot (reread the manga for examples). So maybe the reason he strongly disagrees is that he knows that once Luna tries to bit her he would lose his mind and try to kill her.

4. This is just so heartbreaking. Look at how he cried. I think this is not a cry of relief. Vani is crying out of frustration. It's not because he wanted to kill Noe. For me, it's like Vani is saying "I killed Luna, why can't I kill now." I mean, he realized that this ordeal could be solved without killing the other party. But why didn't it happened before?

This is just a half baked theory so of course there are still things that could negate these panels:

If Luna is talking with Vani here, she makes him her kin even before dying. Since everything is so calm. Though I would ignore reality and think that Luna is talking with Misha here. I think that Misha became her kin first since he is breaking down first.

The flashback of Misha shouting at Vani, maybe this is just hallucinations. But if this is true, it means that they spent some time together after Luna's death. And yeah, all of this would be meaningless.

Explanation of each point

1. Luna is an Archiviste. The theory is already out there, so I wouldn't explain it anymore.

2. Vani is protecting memory from his early childhood & 3. Vani casts the hypnotism while/after he was training to be a chasseur but before Luna's death. Going back to my previous post, I mentioned that it is strange for Misha to know that Vani hypnotized himself if Luna is the one who begged Vani to not let anyone take his memory on her deathbed because:

a. The timeline doesn't coincide. The chance that Misha and Vani separated "that day" which is I believe the same day as Luna's death is high. So, there's no way Misha could know.

b. Misha forgot what happened "that day". However, it's not like Vani doesn't want Misha to remember. I don't know but I feel like everything would be civil if Misha didn't mention that he wants to revive Luna. That is the moment everything went a wrong turn.

It is likely that Luna already asked Vani days before "that day" and her death. The problem is if the three are together "why did she only ask Vani and not Misha?". Maybe, Luna and Vani have a shady secret that they don't share with Misha as he's too young. However, if the secret has something to do with Luna, Vani won't even mention something relating to it to Misha, I mean the kid knows exactly the trigger of self-hypnotism. Maybe Luna is not the one who asked Vani. I believe that someone already asked Vani before he entered the church to train as a chasseur. But "who" asked Vani is not my problem today it is "when".

So in short, I suppose that the memory Vani is protecting is something that only he knows at the moment, and it did not happen recently but goes way back in his early childhood. As retracexcviii pointed out, it looks like that the self-hypnotism technique Vani used is the same as what the chasseurs. So, Vani knows this technique way back before he became a lab rat.

Continuing on...

Don't judge but I wasted a considerable amount of time digging information about Vani's childhood (yup, I don't have a life outside). And I found nothing concrete that could help, however, as I said, I could make something out of what we have. So here we go.

In Vani's delirium due to high fever he finally opens up and we had a peak of his life before everything. There's nothing much here, just a simple story, but let's overanalyze this:

a. In the era they’re living in, vampires are not allowed to attack humans. People are even treating them as folklore or old people's tall tales. Thus, random vampire attacks are seldom. The attacks that we heard are from the cursed ones (e.g., Amelia and Thomas) or harboring resentment (I think this is why the vampires attacked Astolfo’s family). Well, the attack on Vani and co. may be a special case. Vani mentioned that chasseurs are hunting "dangerous" types of vampires that are rampaging in the human world. So, there may be a miscreant group of vampires somewhere that hates peace or being suppressed by humans. Right, Misha's mother was also killed by a vampire.

b. When Misha asked what's a band of traveling players then Luna answered that it's a bit like a circus. Vani answered that "It was nothing like...that formal". He hesitated for a moment, meaning, he wanted to say something different first, but he changed his mind. Or maybe he just can't find the right word. I know that someone already mentioned this, but did you know that according to Wikipedia "Charlatan is a seller of medicines who might advertise his presence with music and an outdoor stage show." Now that's another thing to add to Vani and Naenia's parallel.

c. Vani thinks that his father doesn't like it there very much. So, why stay even if his wife is dead? Even if Vani's father could not go back to his family, he could still opt to cut ties with the band and settle down somewhere. He's a doctor, it's not like they would be helpless if they leave. Travelling is not a safe choice if you think about it. Perhaps, he stayed in the memory of his wife? Or are there other reasons?

d. This guy didn't just come to Altus ones before. "No matter when I visit" he already visited during different periods. The times he possibly could go in Altus is before his father's death and after Luna's death. Maybe Luna's going in secretly for whatever reason. I just want to drop it here because it's interesting to take note of.

e. I'm not sure if I should include this since it may be Luna's influence, but Vani knows way too much about vampires and also the babel incident. Also, Ruthven's statement just gives me a weird feeling. Does it mean "You an average human are running around doing ridiculous things, so tell me about 'yourself', kin of the blue moon vampire"? Or "without the context of being the kin of the blue moon vampire, tell about yourself?" I think it is the latter meaning.

There's nothing important here that proves Vani's childhood should be kept as a secret. But this will do for now, I just want to establish that Vani is more than just kin to the Blue Moon Vampire. His childhood, his father, family, and that traveling players are also suspicious. (Why the hell do I find everyone in this series suspicious?!? oh, except Amelia and Riche).

4. Luna bit Vani the day she died. I can't come up with anything that happened "that day". Did Luna has gone wild? Did someone attack them? Did Vani and Misha lose their mind as an effect of that weird doctor's experiment? There's really nothing but I think that whatever happened "that day" led to Luna's leaving no choice but to drink Vani's blood, or to make Vani her kin. There has no explicit explanation of how you make one your kin, but I'm sure drinking blood is included in the process. They would only gain a mark if they were bitten.

I'm actually not done yet. I still have plenty to say, but this should end here now. This is already too long for me to handle. Does this make sense? Or is it confusing? Don't hesitate to correct me if I'm wrong or tell me whatever you want to say.

So, if what Vani is saying is true, why do you think he killed Luna?

See ya' later folks!

Note: I wrote this to indulge my over-thinking self. This is just a random theory, thoughts, assumptions, and/or head-canons. Thank you for taking the time to read and understanding if I made any mistakes or post whatever it is you don’t agree on.

[phoenix-downer]

The Princess of Light Chapter 4: Heart of the World

~2290 words. Angst, Romance, Fluff, Fairy Tales. For SoKai Week 2021, Day 4.

Summary: Princess Kairi is cursed to be without love when she is a baby. She grows up cold and without a heart to help her understand other people’s feelings, no matter how hard her parents try to help her. One day, however, she meets a mysterious prince from a faraway world, and he just might hold the key to breaking her curse.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Prince Sora met with Princess Kairi the next night, and the next, and the next. She thought it was because he liked the light pool too, and he’d also said something about his ship needing repairing. Though all of that played a role, she was blind to the real reason he wanted to see her. This continued for over a month with Kairi none the wiser as to his true intentions, for a girl without a heart cannot understand things the rest of us take for granted.

One pleasant evening in early autumn, the moon shone down on the two of them and the light from the pool shone all around them. Sora thought Kairi looked like an angel as she floated on her back, and she caught him staring at her.

“What is it?” she asked, searching his face. She thought he had a rather pleasant face, all things considered. “I keep catching you staring at me.”

“Don’t you know why?” he replied.

She tilted her head. “Could you explain, please?” 

Sora figured her curse would make any direct confession on his end fall flat. It is also entirely too easy to overdo a romantic confession, resulting in one’s beloved running for the hills, so Sora decided a different approach might be best. Though the thought of Princess Kairi taking off running and creating a miles-long trail of ice behind her after hearing an overplayed, overwrought declaration of passion made him chuckle.

“You’re laughing?” she asked, her face one whole puzzle of perplexion.

“Not at you, at my own silly brain,” he reassured her. “Sometimes I get these really vivid images in my mind, and they make me laugh.”

Kairi gently drifted in the light. “Like stories?” she asked. Not much caught her interest, but stories did. Sora had told her many stories about Destiny Islands, and she always listened quietly and asked him questions afterwards.

“You could call them that, yeah,” he replied. “But I’m getting sidetracked. You asked me why I keep staring at you.” He took a deep breath. “Princess, have you ever… had feelings for someone?”

“Feelings?” She frowned and touched the hole in her chest. “Without a heart, I’m not really sure.” 

“Then let me tell you how it feels.” Sora smiled and rested a hand over his heart. “Like you can’t wait to see that person. Your whole day improves when they’re there. Your heart speeds up when they approach. You feel like you can do anything if you have them by your side. And you would do anything to be with them.” He sighed happily and studied Kairi’s face. “Have you ever felt anything like that at all, Princess?”

“No,” Kairi said after a moment. None of those things sounded like the strange fluttering she sometimes got in her stomach. And none of the rest of it was anything she’d ever experienced.

“Oh,” Sora said, his head drooping. He sank deeper into the light pool. “I’m… sorry to hear that.”

She floated downwards to catch up to him till at last they were both at the bottom of the pool. “Why?” she asked. From here little trickles of light bubbled up from between the rocks, for the pool was some distance above the Heart of the World. 

Sora stared at Kairi, at her face surrounded by light, and despaired over her being so in the dark about what he was trying to tell her.

“Love is the most powerful magic there is,” he finally said, at a loss as to how else to explain it, for it impacted the entire way he experienced the world. “It’s like a light in a dark room that illuminates everything else for me.”

She reached for where her heart should be, but instead the usual empty hole greeted her. Sora’s heart went out to her. She was trying so hard to understand what he meant, but she just couldn’t grasp it. The whole thing reminded him of trying in vain to hold sand in his hand and watching it slip through his fingers.

“I’d like to experience it someday for myself,” she said at last, and he thought he detected a hint of wistfulness in her voice.

“I hope you will,” he replied, his voice breaking on the final word. 

She studied him for a few moments, then said, “Can we fall in again?”

He smiled sadly. This at least was familiar territory. He offered his hand, and she took it. 

“Of course, Princess,” he told her. They fell in several times together, and hearing her laughter, seeing her smile… poor Prince Sora became even more smitten with her. He resolved to help her however he could. It was clear her parents had tried everything they could here on Radiant Garden. But maybe his parents on Destiny Islands could offer their assistance. Maybe there would be some clue or hint as to how to help Princess Kairi. The repairs on his ship had been completed, so he could go back and ask.

When it was time to go home, Sora bowed and said goodbye. Kairi tilted her head, as normally he simply told her goodnight. She looked radiant in the moonlight, with the wind playing with her hair and rippling through the grass beneath her feet, and his heart fluttered in his chest.

“Princess, I’m going home to see if I can find something that might help you,” he said. 

“Oh, okay,” she replied, her voice sounding as if he’d told her he was having a sandwich for lunch tomorrow. He tried not to feel a little stung over her lack of sadness at their parting, but it hurt nonetheless. Still, it drove his resolve to find a way to help her.

“I don’t know when I’ll return,” he said, “but I’ll come back to you, I promise.” His hand curled into an upright fist, a gesture on Destiny Islands that meant you were determined to follow through on your promises. 

Kairi hesitated for a moment, then said, “Okay. Goodnight.” He wondered if she’d understood him at all. What if, in his absence, she thought he’d left her for good and forgot all about him? The truth was that she didn’t have much experience with saying goodbye. The people in her sheltered existence were just always there, and she supposed they always would be.

As she and Sora parted ways, they didn’t notice the strange black bird perched in a nearby tree. Despite what the stories say, spooky black birds can hide in the shadows perfectly well, thank you very much. And this one did its job splendidly and returned to its mistress in her creepy castle and reported what it had seen.

“Diablo, thank you,” Maleficent said, petting its head as it perched on her shoulder. “This is very grave news indeed. You say this foreign prince was flirting with my pathetic excuse for a niece? That he’s searching for a way to help her?” Maleficent shuddered. “That’s not good. That’s not good at all. Suppose she starts to regain her heart. We can’t have that, now can we?” 

Cursing Kairi further would be too obvious. No, Maleficent needed to do something more wicked and depraved than what she’d already done. That’s another problem with being evil. You soon acclimate to lesser evils and need greater and greater ones to give you the same twisted rush of delight.

“You say the princess is always playing in that light pool?” Maleficent said. “And now with that prince too? Well, we’ll have to do something about that, now won’t we?”

She cloaked herself in darkness and used it to travel quickly to the Heart of the World, which was in a cavern deep underground. Now, the Heart of the World is not a heart like you or I have; it is physical, but it is in the shape of a heart that children like to draw on scraps of paper, not the shape of an actual physical heart. At the time of our story, it was not as magnificent as it had been in olden days, but it was still big and red and bright. A single stream of golden light flowed out of it, and from there winded and curved through a series of tunnels and caverns up, up, up to the light pool guarded by the royal family. The whole thing was very beautiful, but to someone like Maleficent, who was twisted by the darkness, it was horrifying. 

Reaching into her cloak, she pulled out a tainted dagger. Tainted objects like this one leave no mark on their victims, who die slowly and in great agony. It was how she had killed her own father, the former king, without getting caught. 

With a cruel glint in her eye, she drew the dagger, strode to her next victim, and plunged her weapon into the Heart of the World. The poor Heart shuddered at the wound, for it is very much a living thing. Maleficent smiled wickedly and yanked the dagger out of the Heart, doing even further damage to it, then tucked it back into her cloak. While she could have used a single curse or spell to completely obliterate the Heart, that would not have satisfied her desire for revenge and petty evil in the slightest. 

No, she wanted the Heart to slowly die and the light pool to slowly dry up. Her smile got bigger as she thought about what would happen next, and that smile turned into a cackle and then into a roaring laugh. 

~~~

When Princess Kairi went to the light pool the next evening, she had two surprises. The first was that Prince Sora was not there to greet her like he usually was. She frowned, but the light pool was too enticing to leave alone for long, so she sat next to it and began removing her shoes and socks.

Now, Kairi had been visiting this pool every evening since her thirteenth birthday. She knew it better than anything else in the worlds. So when she was about to step in, she noticed there was slightly less light in it than there should be. She shrieked and raced the short way to the castle barefoot, leaving a trail of frozen grass behind her. 

“Aqua! Mom! Dad!” she cried as soon as she arrived, panting for breath. 

“Kairi?” Aqua called from a window a few floors above. She spotted the trail of frozen grass behind Kairi that was continuing to spread and yelped. “My lady, your feet!” 

Kairi gasped as she realized what she’d done. Aqua was already to the rescue; she grabbed another pair of enchanted shoes and socks for Kairi and tossed them down. Kairi hurriedly put them on, and by the time she was done, Aqua had joined her and sent for Kairi’s parents.

“What’s wrong?” Aqua asked, for she could tell Kairi was very distressed. 

“The light pool is drying up!” Kairi cried, her eyes wild. “It’s drying up! What am I gonna do?” 

Aqua’s heart thudded in her chest, for if Kairi was right about this, then… 

“Are you sure?” she asked, searching Kairi’s face. 

Kairi nodded and fidgeted with a strand of her hair. “There’s less light than there was before. Aqua, what’s gonna happen to me? If it dries up, will I freeze?”

Aqua didn’t know what to say. They needed to investigate the issue further. But if the light pool dried up, then Kairi would very likely freeze to death. Right now it kept her warm and kept the curse in check, but if it was gone… The light enchanting her clothes would stop working too, and—

Before Aqua could say anything else, however, Kairi’s parents and a few guards arrived. After a brief explanation, Aqua went with her father and the guards to investigate the light pool, leaving Kairi with her mother to await the verdict.

This was any mother’s worst nightmare come true: her daughter in imminent danger. Especially because the queen partly blamed herself for the curse. If only she’d taken her husband's concerns about Maleficent seriously instead of insisting he try to reconcile with her, their daughter might not be in this situation. So while she did her best to soothe Kairi and reassure her, she was very scared herself. Especially when Kairi’s breath caught and she clutched her chest.

“Mom, I think the hole’s getting bigger,” she said. All of the queen’s careful composure fled at Kairi’s words, and tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. What if the hole consumed Kairi? What if it devoured her daughter till there was nothing left? 

This was all her fault. If only she’d protected her daughter better.

Kairi frowned and touched the queen’s face. “Water’s leaking out of your eyes again.”

That just made the queen cry harder. Her poor daughter couldn’t even cry for herself and her fate. All she could do was purse her lips and tilt her head to the side as the queen shed the tears her daughter could not. 

When Aqua, the king, and the guards returned, they confirmed that the light pool did appear to have a little less light in it. The next day, the difference was definitely noticeable. By the third day, the light pool had lost a good foot of depth, and Kairi felt ill. The hole in her chest kept getting bigger, and the enchantments for her clothes had weakened, leaving her colder than usual. 

If the light pool drained completely, everyone feared the worst. While the royal family initially tried to keep what was happening under wraps, word soon spread, and the king and queen knew they would have to take action.

It was time to consult outside help.

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Renjun, Jeno & Jaemin’s interview with Arena HOMME+ July 2020 issue!

RENJUN

Do you like the summer weather? I like the feeling of a refreshing drive under the bright sky while looking at the sea. I like summer evenings too. The feeling of the sun fading away and hiding.

Are you sensitive to heat? I am, but when I’m relaxed the heat feels more bearable.

Your face is lovely. Do you like your face? I wish people would love not only their assets but also their flaws. In that aspect I do like myself.

What’s your asset? My pupils are big. When talking to people you look them in the eyes, right? This is when I think I can relay my message better.

People say that Renjun is pure. Haha. I think everyone’s got something innocent about them, it’s just that we view it differently. I often have weird thoughts. I don’t know if it sounds ridiculous, but I think about things like why are people born, why people have children and raise them, why life exists. I think about the universe too, I also like documentaries about the animal world. I am curious and it’s not like anyone can just tell me the answers, right? It’s just fun to ask questions and let your imagination run free.

What have you been imagining lately? Before bed I imagine a place and come up with stories and characters. For example if I was a character in a movie like <Avatar> I imagine what kind of creatures would be there, if I would be able to fly and where I would fly to...

Are you a person who needs alone time? That’s right. I used to want company when I was lonely. But these days I think that alone time is good too. I don’t know what kind of person I was before, but now I think I have to focus on myself. I think I need to be firm with myself to take care of other people.

Why do you want to be firm with yourself? I came to such a big company like SM, there’s so many charming people. At first I always cared about other people’s eyes on me. How do others view me, what do they think of me, what should I do to look good in their eyes. But at one point I couldn’t keep up with others. I wanted to walk my own path only.

Do you have a soft side? Honestly yes. I cry easily and I get emotional a lot. Back in the day I wanted to showcase a strong image of me to hide the tenderness, but right now I’m just focusing on making my heart strong.

What is a strong heart? It’s something of my own. So that people can’t shake me up easily.

Are you soft looking but strong inside? It doesn’t matter whether it’s soft on the outside but tough on the inside, or tough both outside and inside. I don’t have to look strong or weak, I just have to be ‘me’. I like drawing, but whenever I drew something off I would stress over it. I use my brain a lot without even realising, unconsciously. So even when a drawing came out well I would still be stressing over it. Now I’m not restricting myself with only drawing well, I don’t erase anything, I just want to draw happily.

Do you know Renjun as a person now? I think I do a little, since I don’t care what others think and express what I want to express. But I also still don’t. Time and experience will solve it.

You said you didn’t do the MBTI test on purpose? To be honest I tried once. But I only want myself to know. I want to be seen as I am. 

What did you dream of as a child? Becoming a star. Ever since I was little I wanted to become an idol. I enjoyed dancing and singing, it’s like I was shining.

Do you believe in destiny? I do. 

Do you think Renjun coming to Korea was destiny? That’s right. It’s unbelievable to me. I applied for an audition but gave up because I didn’t hear anything back. So I was just eating and received a call and yelled on the spot. I was this happy haha. The next day straight away I bought the tickets to the audition place and participated in the global audition. 

Why did you think you couldn’t make it? I’m the type to be prepared for the worst case scenario. So I’m very happy and thankful I made it this far.

How was adjusting to Korea? It wasn’t as hard as I thought. It was something I wanted.

What are fans to Renjun? I too like kpop and idols, so I know this feeling very well. I know how it feels to think of someone as a person who gives you strength, so I change my position. What would I be feeling if I were a fan? We’re giving strength to each other.

What kind of songs would you like to sing? Pretty fantasy songs like those from Disney movies. I want to sing a cover of the <Frozen> OST ‘For the First Time in Forever’.

That would suit Renjun well. What kind of person do you see as cool? Someone who knows who they are. Someone who is impressive even without talking, someone who doesn’t use perfume but still draws people in as if they smelled good. I want to become a person like this.

In that case is Renjun impressive? Hahaha. Although I like how I am now I need to become even better. 

What is something Renjun dreams of now? Self approval. One day I would also like to spend my life travelling around the world and looking at the beauty of it.

JENO 

What do you usually do in summer? Since debut we usually have a comeback in summer and promote. When I was little, my parents and I would always go to a valley. I like swimming. I even learned the butterfly stroke. I’m fairly good at it.

Your body is more solid than expected. I didn’t mean for it to become like this, but I really like sports. I like to make use of my body. I like going to the gym and because I love cycling I’ll occasionally ride to Han River or Yangpyeong. When I was little, I played table tennis and badminton pretty diligently. I usually remain motionless and use up all my energy at once. I’d rather put all my strength into it and then stay exhausted.

Are you competitive? Very. I think a lot about how to win anything. I feel uncomfortable when losing.

Are you goal-oriented? Having no goal makes you sluggish. I have to have a clear goal in order to systematically work hard towards achieving it. My current goal is showing how much I’ve matured for our next comeback. I monitor my seniors a lot. It’s great motivation. I want to become a person who is really good at one thing at least.

Who do you want to be most alike in fierceness? U-Know Yunho sunbaenim’s passion. It’d be hard to catch up, but I really want to be like him.

It’s surprising your name isn’t a stage name. Imperial “Je”(帝), hard work “No”(努). Do you like it? My maternal grandfather picked it. He named me that so I may receive strength from a higher position. I really like it. It’s not common. Haha. I feel the responsibility of living like my name.

Is your dream big? It’s more than high. It should be high. Since I was little, I liked to be praised and wanted to do things perfectly. Instead of praising myself, I always say, ‘No, you’re not there yet.’ I already receive enough compliments and support from our fans. I don’t even need to praise myself. You have to gain strength and train yourself with that support. 

You have a tall nose and defined jaw. Do you like your face? I’m not dissatisfied. Hahaha. I’ve been liking my tear mole these days. I wasn’t really conscious of it before, but lately I’m glad that I have it. If I didn’t have that tear mole, I think I’d give off too strong of an impression. Doesn’t it look good? Haha.

I remember Jeno from the Angpang Milk ad. He was a child model that everyone would remember when mentioned at the time. Back then, I was scared and cried all the time. When I came on set there were so many strangers, and when I was in front of the camera, I cried because I couldn’t see my mom. Hahaha. It got better once I found out the staff people weren’t scary people.

What were you like off-camera? Rather than going out and playing with friends, I liked studying and reading books. I studied very hard in elementary school. Come to think of it, I seem to really like doing things by myself. I enjoyed reading a series of youth novels, conducting scientific experiments, putting puzzles together, or assembling Lego. A homebody to this day. Haha.

What’s the fun part of creating something? A sense of accomplishment. There’s pride and satisfaction in saying ‘I did it!’ I’m a person for whom a sense of accomplishment is of great importance. I also like this sense of accomplishment when I get to prepare and show a performance.

Did having an early social life help you with promotions? Not being opposed to making eye contact with the camera, also smiling/laughing well. I often hear that I look cold when I’m expressionless, but when we are together, I always laugh and everyone knows the real me. Hahaha.

On the contrary, what was regretful about acting since a very young age? Nothing. I got a good opportunity and experienced a lot. Nothing to regret.

You have a strange sense of stability for your age. I’m not very emotional by nature. I don’t cry much and I rarely have mood swings. With other members being so animated and having so much character it may seem like that. But I’m not as calm as I look. I’m just the type to not show when I get irritated or hurt, I talk quietly after a while. I just unwind on my own and don’t want to make things uncomfortable.

They say you’re an ‘FM’ person who goes by the rules. It’s good to be certain about anything. I try my best to perform my duties properly.

What do the other members think what kind of person Jeno is? A reliable one. When I address important matters within the team, I talk about them naturally. Rather than relying on them, it’s like I’m passing on difficult questions… hahaha.

What kind of person do you think is impressive? Someone who does what they want, someone with room for development. First of all if a person does what they want they are less likely to give up, more than anything a person like this is happy.

Is Jeno impressive? I’m trying my best. But I am doing what I want and because I’m receiving support from so many people I am happy for sure. If 10 means the best (in terms of happiness) then it’s a 10.

You debuted as a teen and now you are 20. Do you think you’ve grown a little? My appearance and skills have grown but my mindset is still that of a kid. Thoughts and personality are the same. 

It’s like you’ve grown with the Dream members together without changing classes. Right. I can’t even imagine not having these friends. I’ve been seeing Jaemin for 7~8 years now though so I’m a little tired of him, hahaha. Kinda like even if we buy one thing, we buy it together. We have our own world.

What is Jeno dreaming of now? To become a cool person while being happy. 

JAEMIN

What do you usually do in the summer? I like sports you can do in the water. Jet skiing or riding a yacht. I can already ride a yacht by myself. Even though the summer is better than a cold winter, my favorite season is autumn.

Pretty with round eyes and a bright smile. What's your favorite thing about your face? I like my eyes the most. The fans caught on some details I didn't even know about, so I became more fond of my eyes.

How did you get the nickname ‘Nana’? It's 'Nana' because my name is Na Jaemin. It's pretty and I like it. It's a nickname that's been used since I was a trainee.

When you look at Jaemin, he seems to be someone who likes people and is full of love for humanity. It's been like that since I was born. There's no need to dislike someone when you meet them for the first time. Hahaha. I think relationships between people and friends are the most important part of life.

How is your relationship with the members? It's very solid. Since we lived together for 7~8 years, it is safe to say that we are family. We know each other so well, and can speak our minds right away without fighting. I can talk about things with my members, I can't tell my mother because I don't want her to worry, and lean on them.

You seem to have a lot of natural aegyo, were you born with it? I'm an only child so I received lots of love. It's not something I do on command, but my body expresses the affection my mom has given me since I was young. I want to be someone who gives back the love I received from the fans. When you have received love, you can now give love.

Are you athletic? My mother made me exercise a lot when I was young. I learned sports like speed skating, inline skating, snowboarding, and it suited me well. Once I started, I did it all day without knowing the passing of time. These days, I usually ride a bicycle with Jeno. If you go to the Hangang you can ride about 30km at a time. 

You seem to have endurance. It's in my personality to see it until the end. If what you want to do doesn't work out, keep going with the best of your abilities.

You seem very bright. The words keep pouring out. When I work I try my best to speak as much as possible, flaunt aegyo and show a bright image, but I don't speak much back at the dorm. I'm the type to pour out everything when I'm outside but will need to recharge when I'm home. My bed is my side battery. Hahaha. At home, I like to listen to songs alone, write or edit pictures.

You drink your coffee overly bitter and eat sweets overly sweet. That's right. It's a bit extreme. Hahaha. I do what I want to do! I dislike what I dislike. I'm that kind of type.

I heard you make Tangfuru for the members? Jisung and Chenle eat it especially well. These days I'm into T-bone steak and think about getting a sous vide machine. The kids like meat.

You look like someone who can take care of different things well I take care [of things/others/dreamies] really well. Hahaha. When they are hungry I will make something they want. When they say things like "Hyung, how to run the washing machine,' 'the boiler is not turned on,' 'the internet is not working,' I try to help as much as I can.

When you shot for <Arena> two years ago you were still a teenager, but now you're an adult. Do you think you've grown? I still have pictures of that time on my phone. Looking at the pictures that were taken today, it seems like I've grown up well. When I read the interview from 2 years ago again, I must've thought I was all grown up back then, hahaha. At 20 years old now, I think I'm still far from being grown up. I'm still young. There's still a lot to learn.

What was your dream when you were young? I never thought of becoming an idol. I was really shy back then. Originally my dream was to become a surgeon. When I was young I saw <Mysteries of the Human Body> and had such dreams. Haha. I wanted to save people!

You were cast while you were volunteering. Even after debuting, you continued to show support. I think I should give back to society as much as I have received. Since I was young my mom has told me "If you receive, you must know how to give back." It's normal for me, I used to donate in my name since I was really young.

What kind of person do you think is impressive? Someone who has more to offer on the inside than outside. Rather than being a flashy person I want to become someone solid with substance. 

What are your interests these days? To be honest I’m slow with trends. I find out about things like half a year later than others. These days we talk with the members about what content to show our fans when we’re inactive [not promoting]. I want to post my own pictures and self-edited videos so I’m teaching myself how to do it. Lately, I’ve been wanting to learn how to use photo editing software properly, but it’s difficult to deal with. 

Jaemin is known for taking good pictures. Hahaha. I uploaded pictures I took of the members yesterday and the fans liked it and told me my skills had improved. Since I'm getting praised I want to keep taking pictures and upload them.

It looks like you like to capture portraits more than landscapes. I love taking portraits. For example, trees always stand in a similar shape in the same place. But as for people, I can make them do whatever I want them to do and see various expressions continuously. I think that's much more attractive. It's fun to capture facial expressions, eyes, nose, and other features.

What kind of dreams do you have now? Dreams should be grand and certain. Always set high goals. My dream is to get many more of our fans who love us. And in order to do that I must work even harder. The pictorial we shot today has a distinct sexy feeling. So I hope you’ll enjoy it. Hahaha. 

Translation: Alex, Myeon, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Arena HOMME+ — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[fluffykitty1999-blog]

Dog of the Military- Chapter 25

Chapter 25- Edward Elric, the BAMF

This chapter proves Edward Elric is a squishy puppy at times, and that it doesn’t matter the size of the dog in the fight, but the amount of fight in the dog.

It was either very, very late at night, or very, very early in the morning. Roy wasn't exactly sure which.

None of his team had shown up at the hospital yet. That both worried and intrigued him. normally he'd at least have called him by now.

But right now his priority was Edward- his reckless major.

Ed had been relocated to a hospital room at some point- and Roy, exhausted as he was, had trudged alongside and waited as the boy was settled into his gurney, still comfortably sleeping.

Roy alternated from leaning back and dozing in his hard-backed chair beside the boy's bed and watching the kid sleep.

Every now and then Ed would snuffle or shift a little in his sleep, and Roy found himself holding his breath, watching the moonlight dance across the boy's peaceful expression and the medicine drip, drip, dripping of medicine into the IV line tucked into the boy's pale hand that rested dazedly on the sheets.

Every now and then Roy would reach over, blinking tiredly and brushing the boy's blond bands from his face, enjoying the fact that Ed was still there and in front of him, real as could be, and almost as unharmed as he could be, given the circumstances.

"Mr. Elric?"

Roy looked up. Framed in the light from the hospital hallway, a young nurse with auburn hair that made her look ethereal when she was framed in the light like that.

"Yeah?" he was too tired to bother with the formalities right now, and too entrenched in his duty as Ed's "father" to consider flirting with him.

"Is Edward still resting comfortably?"

"Huh... um, yeah."

"That's great. I have a few more forms that need to be signed- Edward's doing fine but his platelet count is a little low, the doctors wanted to give him a transfusion before they discharge him in the morning. We just need a few more signatures on the documents. And perhaps a cup of coffee? I know we have some in the staff room."

Roy must've looked more haggard than he thought.

"That... sounds good." he admitted sluggishly, getting to his feet.

He cast one last glance behind him at Ed, making sure the boy was sleeping peacefully, before he was following the nurse into the staff room.

Two cups of surprisingly well brewed coffee later, he'd read through and finished off the last of the paperwork surrounding Ed's care. The nurse who'd escorted him there had drifted off- that wasn't surprising, though, considering there were relatively few staff on the night shift. They were probably needed.

He was ambling back towards Ed's hospital room when a muffled cry caught his attention.

"Sharon! Sharon!"

He couldn't help himself. He paused outside the closed hospital room, palming the door open to the hospital room to see two nurses- the one from earlier, and a brunette he didn;t recognizze, standing before the impossibly small bathroom each hospital room was equipped with.

"Mr. Waters, please calm down- you'll wake the other patients!" the dark haired nurse tried to soothe.

Looking past them, Roy could see Mr. Waters- a rather large man, in his late forties, probably, at least two hundred and fifty pounds- not a fat fellow, just built like a bull- with broad shoulders and well-muscled arms, as well as a thick bandage wrapped around his head.

"Sharon! I can't get up!" the man cried out again, paying the nurses no heed.

"Leah, help me with him." both nurses moved to try and help the man- he seemed to have managed to stand himself up and buckle his pants, only to lose his balance and end up flat on his back, wedged in the impossibly small space between the toilet and the wall. He was stuck so that he had no room to get his hands or legs under him and right himself.

"Where's Sharon!? I can't have other women in the house, you're not my wife!" the man only yelled louder.

The nurses stopped trying to lift the man, winded and frustrated. "He's too heavy for us. We'll have to see if Dr. Linder is in the next ward..."

"Sharon! I don't know these women Sharon, you're my one and only!" the man was still looking agitated and confused at his predicament.

It was then Roy decided to make his presence known. "Need a hand?"

"Mr. Elric." the auburn haired nurse looked relieved, and Roy stepped forward cautiously, crouching down to see where the man was situated.

"Hey there buddy. You seem to have gotten yourself in quite a predicament here."

"I sure have. I don't know who these strange ladies are, but Sharon will have my head if she finds them in our house. I'm a one woman kinda guy, you know..."

"I'm sure you are, Mr. Waters." Roy reassured him, looking to the nurse, who nodded her permission.

Roy stepped closer. "Would you mind if I gave you a hand and helped you get back to bed?"

"I can stand on my own! They dropped a brick on my head, my legs work just fine!" the man protested, reminding Roy of Ed for a moment.

Roy smiled. "I'm sure you can. It's not your legs that are the problem- it's the position that you're stuck in. You can't get your feet under you. If you were to let me pick you up, you'd be able to get your legs under you and stand."

"I bet you're right." Mr. Waters conceded.

"Well that settles it then." Roy stepped forward, one knee on the ground, and settled his arm beneath the man's bent knees and the crook of his back. "On three. One, two, three."

Roy took a breath and heaved- the man wasn't as heavy as he looked, and Roy managed to get the man into the air- the man managed to rest his palms on the wall and Roy tilted, letting the man get his feet under him.

As soon as the man looked relatively steady, Roy slung the man's arm over his shoulder. "This isn't the first time I've done this, you know." he admitted as he walked the man towards his empty bed. "But this is the first time I haven't been to the pub first."

The man barked a laugh, shakily settling himself on the bed. "I'll have to buy you a few sometime." he conceded.

"No trouble at all." Roy waved over his shoulder, ducking out of the room. The dark haired nurse had already begun fussing over the man, tucking in his blankets, and Roy found himself striding next to the auburn-haired nurse back towards Ed's room.

"Thank you for your help. There's just two nurses on the night shift, we have a hard time with the heavy lifting. Mr. Waters is a kind man, jsut gets confused- he's a construction worker, got hit in the head with a falling brick, poor man. You're very helpful."

Roy shrugged, hands, in his pockets as he strode along. "No trouble. It's the least I could do, with you taking such good care of my Ed."

They both stopped walking for a moment.

"You really are something, Mr. Elric."

"Thanks. But the name's not Elric. It's Mustang. Roy Mustang."

"But Edward..." the woman looked up at him, blue eyes full of confusion.

"Is my subordinate. A prodigy, I'm his commanding office. He's... he's like my..."

"Son?" the nurse finished for him.

Roy closed his mouth but nodded solemnly, and the nurse beamed.

"And to think, I thought Ed just got his looks from his mother. I was going to ask you about your wife, but I didn't want to bring up painful memories."

Roy chuckled. "No, actually- the position of 'wife of Roy Mustang' is still, in fact, open. You never told me your name either, Nurse...?"

"Aubrey. Aubrey Chance." the nurse said bashfully.

Roy nearly drowned in her blue eyes for a moment. And her skirt- it was just above her knees, but it was white, so clean and pristine...

He was torn out of his thoughts by a clang in the distance.

They both jumped at the sudden noise, Aubrey looking behind them in alarm.

"Mr. Waters?" she looked back cautiously.

Roy was already striding forward. "No, it came from over here..." closer to Ed's room...

A blood curdling scream split the air, and Roy was running. "Ed!"

There was another metallic clang- metal on metal- Roy fumbled into the doorway, the nurse hot on his heels, only to turn on the light and find Ed flailing on the ground and blood on the floor.

LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK

He'd been sleeping. And Mustang had been with him, just like he'd promised. He hadn't left. And sometimes, if Ed made a funny face and scrunched up his nose- Roy would reach over and pet his hair. He didn't know why, but it made him feel warm inside when Roy did that. So sometimes he'd make a funny face even when he was mostly awake, just to steal those little touches of affection he was too prideful to ask for while he was fully conscious.

But mostly, he slept. He was warm under his blankets- the medicine made him feel nice and fuzzy, and sleep came easy to him, so he let it.

He woke up to someone hugging him. Only it wasn't a nice hug- whoever was holding him didn't smell like Roy. He'd expected the scent of bourbon and leather and old alchemy books that was Colonel Mustang.

But before he'd even opened his eyes, he knew the smell was wrong- the rough fabric he was held against, the smell of cheap alcohol, cigarettes, and the acetone tang of cheap aftershave. And the hold he was in wasn't right either- the hands were too rough and careless. Whenever he'd been carried before, he'd always been handled carefully. There hands were rough and careless, grabbing him tightly enough to leave bruises.

Still, all his addled mind could manage was a "Mmmm... whazzat?" as his sleepy brain turned back on.

"Molchi, Mal'chik." a harsh voice rasped sharply.

A large hand grabbed his wounded arm rather roughly and squeezed, and he cried out in pain and surprise.

"Ctop! Bud Yeschche!"

He was already struggling, because though he was still too asleep to understand what was going on, he knew it wasn't right.

He was thrown roughly over someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes- he started to kick and flail, his automail leg managing to strike the man in a tender spot in the torso, earning a sharp exclamation from his handler.

Get away. Get away. He's trying to take you- fight!

He slammed his automail fist down on the back of the man and was roughly dropped- he nearly lost his footing, still drowsy disoriented, and he was able to see his assailant in the moonlight.

Dark, curly hair and silver eyes danced in the moonlight, and rough, black clothes- a uniform of some type- made Ed's stomach drop. There was a prickling in the back of his mind- the man grabbed for him...

Ed ducked to the side, running on pure instinct. He punched- his automail fist found the man's jaw, and the man staggered back a few steps, hissing a curse, before he looked up, silver eyes burning with rage.

He dove forward, tackling Ed- Ed fell back into the metal IV stand, and it fell over with a clang, the IV tearing from his arm with a sting.

They were wrestling on the ground- the man was much larger than Ed, but Ed grabbed the metal pole on the ground, bludgeoning the massive man on top of him and forcing him back enough so that he could get up.

They were both on their feet, facing off...

The man backhanded Ed with a meaty fist- Ed's head snapped to the side, his makeshift weapon of the IV pole slipping from his grasp and clanging into the metal of the hospital bed rails.

Ed stumbled back, and the man had him in a headlock- static crept into his head, and Ed panicked, flailing and trying to scream but not having the air to.

The man hissing a series of commands in a language Ed couldn't understand. Ed's basest instincts took over- he bit down on the meaty forearm holding him in a headlock, sinking his teeth into the flesh as far as he could. Warm blood flooded his mouth, the man was beating him on the head with his other hand, but Ed didn't release until his teeth hit the rock hard bone.

The man barked something at him, but he hadn't let go, only loosened his grip, and so Ed bit him again, sinking his teeth into the man's arm and feeling the headlock dissolve and the hand stop tearing at his hair. He finally let go, dropping to the floor in a boneless heap.

It was only as he sat on the ground, spitting out blood that wasn't his own, that he managed to grasp the situation fully and find his voice.

"Don't touch me!"

A hand had grabbed his hair again, but he lunged, flailing and kicking and screaming wildly. "Let me go let me go let me go! You bastard! Mustang- help me!"

All at once, the hold on him vanished. The sound of booted feet on the tile faded into nothing, and a moment later the room exploded into activity as a familiar blue clad figure and someone else rushed into his room, throwing on the lights.

"Edward!"

That voice. Ed knew that voice. "Roy!"

Roy had burst into the room - he wasn't sure what he'd find, but it most certainly hadn't been this.

Edward was sitting on the floor- his IV pole was discarded and dripping saline onto the floor from the discarded line. Ed's bed was as a crocked angle from where it'd been knocked aside. The sheets had been discarded in a ball on the floor, and were smeared with crimson. There was blood on the floor, smeared on the bed rails, and it was all around Ed's mouth...

Ed only had eyes for one thing, though. He threw himself at Roy, grabbing onto the man like a drowning cat in a rainstorm and clinging to him.

"Edward? What happened? Are you alright?"

Ed said nothing, just holding him and trembling.

"Ed? Sweetie? Did you have a nightmare? Oh Roy- I think he bit his tongue, his mouth is all blood..." Aubrey said sadly.

The other nurse had come running, and she and Aubrey were both taking in the scene in shock.

"Ed. What happened?"

"He was going to take me." Ed managed, pulling back and looking up at Roy. "He almost got me. I was asleep, but I realized it wasn't you- I had to fight."

The nurses looked at them both with pity.

"He was so angry. He was speaking a language I couldn't understand..."

Roy nodded, simply pulling Ed closer to him and holding him tightly as he took in the chaos of the room and the blood smeared on the tiles.

"Does he always have such vivid nightmares, Mr. Mustang? Maybe I should page the doctor for a stronger sedative..." Aubrey spoke up.

But as she spoke, a chill wind blew into the room from the open window, rustling the curtains and sheets on the floor and startling everyone, and Roy knew with a sinking feeling Ed really had almost been taken.

"No! I can't sleep- he almost got me!" Ed burst out.

Roy looked over at Aubrey and shook his head, nodding toward the window. "Someone was here. He wasn't dreaming."

The dark-haired nurse gasped, and Aubrey rushed over the shut the open window, looking surprised. "But Mr. Mustang, we're on the second floor? How is that possible?"

Roy ignored her. He was peeling Ed off of him now- Ed kept his hands firmly gripping Mustang's shoulders and turned, spitting a mouthful of blood onto the tiles.

"Did he hurt you anywhere?" Roy asked, charcoal eyes searching the boy up and down for injuries.

Ed shook his head.

"But all this blood..." the dark haired nurse looked around in shock.

"It's not mine." Ed said simply.

"Roy. He tore out his IV and he had a night terror, it looks like..." Aubrey spoke up, reaching towards them. Roy could see the blood on Ed's hand from where he'd torn out his IV, but he ignored the nurses again, looking back at Ed wand cupping the boy's chin in his hand, scrutinizing him.

"What happened to your mouth, Ed?"

"It looks like you bit your tongue pretty badly." the dark haired nurse piped up.

"I wasn't asking you." Roy said stiffly, not even glancing at her. He looked to Ed for an answer.

Ed spit again- he hated the metallic taste in his mouth. "He had me in a choke hold- I couldn't get out- so I bit him. And then I bit him again. He finally let me go and I started screaming."

Roy nodded, grabbing the discarded bedsheets from the floor and using them to wipe away the excess blood and saliva from Ed's mouth.

"You said he spoke a different language? Do you remember anything about it?"

"It was short and clippy. He sorta just barked stuff out at me. I've never heard it before, I didn't understand it..."

Roy's mind was already working a mile a minute. Ed wasn't a linguistics major, but he was a smart kid. Someone broke into his room on the second floor and tried to abduct him, speaking a harsh, choppy foreign language. Edward had nearly been taken by a Drachman operative.

"Isn't this a little bit of an extreme reaction to a night terror?" the dark haired nurse asked, looking at Ed tentatively as she steeped forward. "Let's get Edward back to bed..."

Roy bristled, and had to actively bite back the urge to explode at the nurses. They were nice, they'd given him coffee, and they really did mean well. But as far as Edward was concerned, he was in charge.

"Ed's not staying in this room tonight. A Drachman operative tried to abduct him- they may come back. We're going to need a new room..."

"Roy. Is this really necessary?" Aubrey spoke up. "I know this is a bit frightening, but Edward's still a child, he was just shot, it wouldn't be unheard of for him to have a night terror..."

"I'm a Lieutenant Colonel. Edward Elric may be a child, but he is a State Alchemist and he holds the rank of Major in the amestrian military. I'm much more inclined to believe my Major. Either we get a different room or I'm moving him to a more secure location tonight."

Roy rose to his full height- Ed didn't miss the opportunity to cling to the man, burying his face in his uniform. This was the smell of safety- of bourbon, leather, and old alchemy books. Ed inhaled it greedily.

"Okay. Alright, Roy, if you say so, we can do that. Ed needs to be int he hospital for now, we both know that's what's best for him." Aubrey said.

"I want him to stay here, but you have to understand- Ed's not just a child. He's a valuable asset to the military. I take his word seriously, and so should you. Don't write him off because of his age. He's seen worse than most adult soldiers."

Roy absently stroked the messy head of blond hair, looking down at the tired form and sighing.

"I know you're tired, Ed."

Ed mumbled something so muffled into Roy's coat that nobody could understand it. Roy sighed. "You have to come out from my coat if you want me to be able to understand you, Ed."

Ed pulled back to look up at him, childlike fear and exhaustion on his face. "I said that creep is going to come find me again!"

Roy's eyes darkened. "Let him come. I'm with you, Ed- I have my gloves. You need to rest."

Ed nodded, seeming to relax at Roy's statement, leaning more heavily on the man.

The dark haired nurse had already left, presumably to get a new hospital room ready for them, and Aubrey busied herself picking up the bent IV pole and straightening out the room, which had been fairly torn apart.

The only thing that was really left intact was Roy's uncomfortable plastic chair, and he sat, pulling Ed into his lap and letting the boy lean against him while they waited for the new room to be made ready.

Aubrey tried not to watch the two- Edward had an automail fistful of Roy's coat and seemed to be fighting the pull of sleep, and Roy didn't seem to mind the exhausted teenager in his lap at all- rather, he watched Aubrey like a hawk as she moved about the room, cleaning things up.

"I'm sorry if I seemed harsh and unreasonable, Aubrey. but Edward's safety is of the utmost importance."

"I understand, Mr. Mustang." Aubrey said simply, continuing to clean. "We all see him as a child- you're the only one who can see the soldier in him right now."

The remark stung slightly, but Roy took it without complaint. He had to play it safe- had to believe Ed- because his Edward was nearly always right.

"I need one more favor, Aubrey."

"Yes, Mr. Mustang?" Aubrey was looking thoroughly unamused at him.

"This hospital has a laboratory, I'm assuming. I want swabs taken of every blood smear in this room and sent there to be typed."

Aubrey sighed. "I'm trying to be patient here Mr. Mustang, but I really don't understand you."

"I'm a military man, Aubrey." Roy looked down at the child in his lap, brushing some of Ed's golden hair from his face. Aubrey softened slightly at the gesture. Here he was, feared Lieutenant Colonel, giving out unweildly orders while his subordinate slept in his lap.

"I run off of facts and information. Edward was fighting for his life in this room- you don't know Edward. But I do. I want every blood sample run and typed in your medical laboratory- because trust me, most of the blood in this hospital room isn't Edward's."

Obligatory ko-fi link https://ko-fi.com/fluffykitty12 

[johannas-motivational-insults]

I’m an autistic lesbian in her early twenties who loves She-Ra. It blew me away in so many ways, & I related so intensely to Catra and Adora’s struggles (but especially Catra’s) that I cried multiple times as a result. I’d never seen experiences that so closely mirrored my own and subsequently dealing w/ the aftermath of being continually abused depicted in such a compassionate way. (Continued)

Lately, however, I’ve felt strange & wrong about publicizing that I love She-Ra, because multiple times I’ve either seen posts demeaning people who consume cartoons, saying that it’s next to impossible to derive deeper meanings “from content primarily aimed at tweens & people whose brains aren’t fully developed yet” or had something to the same effect said to my face via my university friends & family members. Please let me know if you think I’m being too sensitive about this, but I was already feeling exceedingly self-conscious & insecure about being an adult who liked any kind of animation (my parents always demeaned any anime, for example, calling it “kiddie escapism”) & seeing things like this has just made me more so, especially when it’s directed toward something that had such an impact on me. Am I just overthinking all of this? Thank you very much for listening, I really appreciate it.

Honestly I might not be the best person to ask, I tend to be kind of biased against cartoons myself. I decided to give She-Ra a try when I was told it was popular among exvangelicals as a religious deprogramming metaphor, and I wasn’t disappointed on that front. Tbh I do have a tendency to assume cartoons are either kiddie escapism or edgelord garbage even though I know that’s not always the case, I guess I have my prejudices too.

However, I definitely relate to what you’re talking about. It has happened to me with She-Ra as well as several live action shows and other media franchises I’ve gotten into. I’m autistic too and I know that feeling when people are mocking you for getting so involved in a story instead of regular boring adult things, and in your twenties there’s a lot of pressure to break away from stuff like that. (I think you’ll find in your thirties and forties there’s more of that, but also more people bucking that trend and saying fuck it, life’s too short to not do what you enjoy.) I don’t think you’re being too sensitive, it’s hard to see someone demean something that means a lot to you or to feel criticized for the way your brain works.

Something that’s really cool about cartoons, actually, is how intentional everything is. In live action shows you can have a lot of intangibles not intended by the creator, such as chemistry between actors. In She-Ra it was nice because we knew all the little things like the waist/jacket grab on the cliff and the dip and all the soft looks Catradora gave each other were there on purpose. It wasn’t there because the actresses felt it in the moment, it was there because it was storyboarded. So cartoons have a certain clarity in that way that I like, and it makes it easier to write meta about scenes with certainty.

As an aside, imo She-Ra is definitely not kiddie escapism. It’s suitable for kids and puts stuff in a light they can understand but I wouldn’t say kids are the target audience, and either way it’s not really escapism. Like yeah it’s a fantasy world with magic and stuff but there is so much real world stuff in there like the stuff about abuse and indoctrination, and it has a character who’s pretty openly on the brink of being suicidal for 1.5 seasons. Like, She-Ra is definitely a hopeful show, but it has some very dark subject matter and it handles it with the seriousness and earnestness it deserves.

Sorry this was an assortment of thoughts and probably wasn’t the answer you were looking for but basically yeah, I know how you feel and no, I don’t think it’s stupid. You keep doing what makes you happy, and if it helps people understand it’s not pure escapism you can always try talking about the metaphors and messages and the serious subject matter. But tbh being an autistic person and a queer person, you’re probably going to find your best community online anyway. It sucks it can be hard to find people who understand you irl, but on the other hand we tend to flock to the same things. There are sooo many autistic wlws I have met through this fandom, it’s fucking insane. So as hard as it is, maybe try to focus more on the opinions of the people who are going to support you. If people don’t even try to understand, their opinions may still have an impact on you, but know that there’s always a community here you can come back to for support.

[makeste]

literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here. 

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki’s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

[visionsofus]

Hi! Just wanted to say that i'm living for you scarlet vision fanfic right now, they give me so much happiness and relief and they are so well-written that i'm re-reading them daily. I just wanted to ask if it's possible to have maybe If You Ever Come Back by The Script. I think that this will fit very well with our favourite synthezoid and witch.

Thank you again and please continue writing about them! Cheers and stay safe

hello! thank you so much for reading and reaching out with this song - it was perfect! I really hope you continue reading and enjoying this series ❤️ I hope you have a lovely morning/evening and are staying safe 

| read on AO3 here | mixtape playlist | send me an ask with your song/prompt request |  

track #9: If You Ever Come Back by The Script 

synopsis: Wanda and Vision recall an argument that forced them to go their separate ways in the early days of their relationship post-CW. Upon finding out Wanda is near the Compound Vision can't help himself and seeks her out to apologise. (Happy resolution)

Wanda had only meant to draw one circle around New Jersey but in her distraction had kept the ballpoint moving in continuous circles so that it was now an unrecognisable big blue scribble.

“Wanda, present please,” Natasha said waving her hand in front of Wanda’s distant eyes.

“Sorry,” she murmured, instead starting to flip the pen nimbly about her fingers.

“As I was saying,” Steve said from where he was braced above the map of the US they had spread out. “We can’t afford any more international travel for a bit, not after Sam was spotted in Venice last week.”

Sam Wilson raised his hands in defence. “Hey, I was actually being very careful, it’s not my fault my fan club spans nations.”

“Regardless, no more international travel,” Steve said looking at them sternly in turn, “Wanda that means you too, no European rendezvous with Vision for the next two months.”

The ballpoint clattered onto the table before them, and Wanda watched it role miserably away. Natasha cleared her throat awkwardly and she could only imagine the looks that she was giving Steve. The pair seemed to be able to communicate most things through very specific glares. Right now, Wanda guessed Nat was giving him a look that said something along the lines of ‘shut up why are you bringing her ex into the conversation?’.

“Uhm,” Steve said slowly, “right yes, no international stuff so all in the US right now. That means we’re going to be moving around a little more frequently to keep out of any states with large security presences.”

“So for now,” Natasha continued on, “that means New Jersey, big things happening in California with old Chitauri tech so we’re staying as far away as possible.”

“We could help,” Wanda spoke up. “That stuff is right up our alley.”

“We can’t help if we’re imprisoned and I doubt they’ll let us out as easily a second time,” Sam pointed out and Steve nodded in agreement.

“I know you want to help,” Nat said putting an assuring hand on Wanda’s arm, “but the most we can do right now is stay far away. We’d be putting the others at risk by being there.”

The Others, code for those ex-teammates they didn’t like to mention despite the fact that they were all still on contact. Nat with Tony, Steve with T’Challa and well, up until a month ago, Wanda with Vision.

“Safe houses have been arranged for all of us, separately, so we don’t draw attention.”

Wanda sighed audibly, she hated the separate placements, hated the loneliness.

“It’ll only be for a few weeks,” Nat assured them as Steve handed out envelopes with their assigned houses, addresses, keys, the lot.

Standing up to get her things ready and make to leave the current safe house, Wanda was stopped by Natasha when she tried to leave the room.

“Wanda,” Nat said, her eyes concerned.

“I already know what you are going to say, and yes I am fine.”

“I don’t believe you though,” Nat said crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows.

“Well, it’s not really my job to convince you,” Wanda said making to sidestep her.

“I’ve seen how you’ve been for the last month, you’re going to burn out at this pace. It couldn’t hurt to slow down and actually think about what happened between you two.”

Wanda shook her head wordlessly.

“I know it’s difficult but there’s no way you can move on if you don’t address it.”

“What if I don’t want to move on?” Wanda asked, frustrated at herself for how easily her accent burst forth.

Nat looked at her sadly, but not with pity, Wanda knew that there was genuine worry behind that gaze. Still, it didn’t make her feel any less crappy. “Look, thinking about it, thinking about him still hurts so I’d just rather not talk about it.”

“You still don’t want me to pass your whereabouts onto him?”

Wanda shook her head and finally succeeded in getting past Nat and into the corridor, where she sped walked to her room and set about gathering her things before she could be coaxed into another ‘let’s all talk about our feelings’ session.

Admittedly there was a part of her that wished Natasha would pass on her location to Vision, even if it was only just to see whether he would actually show up. But Wanda had made Nat promise not to reveal where she was staying in the past month, at least not until Wanda was ready for that. Vision was an addiction she needed to kick, and constantly reminding herself of him or thinking about the chance of a reunion certainly wasn’t going to help.  

“Vision I need you on and concentrating ok? Not away with the fairies,” Tony Stark said from where he stood at the front of the board meeting table.

“Apologies, I am present and involved,” Vision said shaking his head slightly to clear his mind, a mannerism he had picked up recently.

“As I was saying, two days from now we’re heading over West to deal with the Chitauri tech that is now a burning pile of shit thanks to—”

Vision didn’t mean to zone out again, but it was so easy to take a backseat in such conversations when he had the assurance that his brain would keep track of anything important Tony said. Lately he had been wishing that his brain was human, or at the very least that it wouldn’t move so fast so that he might be able to get a bit of peace and quiet.

His thoughts were always on her, Vision just couldn’t help it. At home he was always scouring the internet, dreading the moment he might see her name pop up on news feeds as it had with Sam’s the previous week. When he was away for work there was always a small part of his brain filtering through local security cameras, half hopeful that he would catch a glimpse of her somewhere nearby. She was a constant distraction, and it was becoming one of the many things making him seriously doubt the decision he had made those long weeks earlier. Which was strange because that decision had been a logical, rational answer to their problem, it had been a preventative measure for heartbreak. So why was his heart still hurting?

It had been six months since the events in Germany had divided the team he had come to know as friends. The absence of those who had brought such life to the compound had been noticed immediately. But it was Wanda whose absence he struggled with most, both while she was imprisoned and after Captain Rogers had broken her out.

Vision had gotten by on snippets of information fed to him through Natasha, to Tony and then finally to him. He had a suspicion that Stark had known exactly what he was doing in given that information to him. Sometimes it was mentioning which city their old teammates had been in the previous week, other times it was switching off the old school radio in his office just in time for Vision to hear Natasha’s voice crackling from it. Eventually, Vision had gathered enough pieces of the puzzle that he was able to track which radio frequencies they had been using to communicate with each other. He’d listened long enough to discover where Wanda was going to be next and showed up unannounced, despite the danger, despite the bridges burnt between them and the different paths they were on. But Wanda had welcomed him into her arms without hesitation and it had become clear that their connection was still there, as strong as ever. One thing had led to another and before he knew it, he was making time to travel and see her every few weeks. She usually chose Europe, and he was happy to see the world, if it was with her.

Their last trip hadn’t gone so well. They’d nearly gotten caught because Vision had slipped up on his way out of their rental property one morning, forgetting to glamour himself and letting someone get a photo of him. It had been circulating the internet and local media before Vision could stop the spread. Thankfully, Tony had a press release ready to go for this exact situation and made it clear that Vision was acting strictly within the limits of the Accords. It could have gone a lot worse, but it had also made several things clear to him. Their argument after the incident had been bad, to say the least.

“Isn’t it better we stop now before it hurts us both?” Vision cried after half an hour spent arguing over who ought to leave the apartment first. The damage was done on his side so if Vision was seen again it wouldn’t matter, but if Wanda was seen in the same city, he could kiss his currently peaceful relationship with the UN goodbye. On the other hand, if anyone decided to look too closely at his whereabouts of the last few days, Wanda would be discovered, and he didn’t know what he would do. The idea of her getting caught and imprisoned again was sickening.

The argument had got them nowhere. Each was too concerned about the other. He wanted her to leave, regardless of the risk this posed to himself, meanwhile Wanda wanted him to leave before he got caught with her and a target was placed on his back as well.

In the end the decision had to be made.

“It already hurts,” she’d yelled back at him, her eyes telling Vision all he needed to know.

“I cannot keep putting you at risk like this.”

“I am not asking you to!” She’d turned her head skyward in frustration. “This is worth it for me. You don’t get to make this decision for both of us!”

“I am making this decision,” Vision said his voice thick with emotion, walking backwards to the door, “and I am deciding to leave, before neither of us can.”

He’d hovered at the door, coat in hand but she’d already turned away to look out the window, watching rain drizzle dismally outside.

“Then go.”

He’d checked hundreds of radio frequencies in the weeks since, but had never caught them again, figuring that the four must have changed communication tactics since. It didn’t stop him from using the burner number that Tony had given him to reach Natasha. He was sure his messages were getting through, but there was never a reply. He supposed he was not really owed anything considering he was the one who had walked out. It didn’t matter that he’d regretted his decision ever since. Wanda didn’t know that he’d missed two trains all because he couldn’t bring himself to take the next, more final step away from her and everything they had been together.

Back in reality Tony had come to the end of his debrief and had ended the call they’d been on with various other officials related to managing the presence of super-humans in the country.

“When are we leaving on Thursday?” Vision asked, a hopeless attempt at pretending he’d been listening properly.

“Iam leaving on Thursday afternoon; you are staying here.”

Vision was stumped. “Why?”

“Because you are in no state to be heading out on a potentially sensitive mission right now, you could barely pull yourself together for a meeting, Vision.”

Tony sighed with such disappointment that Vision regretted being so absent the last few weeks. He’d been sure to be there as much as he could after the team had disbanded, allowing Tony to delegate to him when needed. But this last month he’d let things slide more than he’d realised, Tony looked tired.

“I’d like to disagree with your decision,” Vision began, standing as Tony made to leave the room, “but I cannot help but think you’re right. If I could just have the weekend to reassess my priorities, I would be back to regular working capacity by Monday.”

“And I want to say I believe you,” Tony said leading the way back through the compound. “But you don’t have a good track record with this particular type of distraction.”

Vision hovered by the front door with his head hung in shame. He heard the beeping of Tony unlocking his car and the soft hiss of air as the door opened automatically.

“She’s in New Jersey this week.”

Vision paused on his closing of the front door.

“I thought you should know,” Tony said rubbing at his chin as he paused by the car, “Address is 22 Steel street, don’t get caught.”

Wanda hated how much America reminded her of Vision now. That was why she was thinking about him so much – it was definitely New Jersey’s fault. It was the proximity to the upstate Compound that had her thinking of him so often. It had to be.

They were done, Vision had made that so very clear the last time she had seen him. But it hadn’t stopped her staying another few days at the house they had rented together in some desperate attempt to come to terms with yet another person leaving her life. At least he was still out there, living a life just not with her.  

She pressed her palms into the kitchen bench and took a deep breath. She was halfway through washing up the dishes from the day, but she’d already slipped and broken one glass by accident and was on the verge of giving up. It was frustrating. Wanda could control other people’s minds with ease. She hadn’t had reason to in a while but that didn’t mean she couldn’t feel that dormant aspect of her power waiting to be used. So how come she couldn’t manage her own mind? Why was she grieving the loss of someone still alive?

Wanda knew that Steve and Nat had struggled to understand what she had with Vision, and it didn’t help that she herself struggled to put it into words. They hadn’t labelled themselves in the months since they started stealing moments together, it had all been to see if there was something more there. Something worth pursuing. And well, Wanda had thought they were on the same page but evidently, she’d been wrong. She just couldn’t bring herself to believe that those feelings weren’t real. Hope was a pain in the ass.  

And she supposed her alertness these past few days could be owed to him as well. Of course, there was the general haze of fear to consider, the fear that one of these days a SWAT team would arrive at her door to take her back to prison. But on the other side of that coin, she knew there was a fraction of her that was listening out for him. It was painful, knowing he was so close. It didn’t stop her listening out for him, for his soft footsteps, his steady breathing, for the comforting presence of him and the way their minds called out to each other. Even before they’d started meeting like this, he had always been the first one she looked for in a fight, the first person her eyes fell on when she walked in a room, the one person she always wanted to have in her corner.

She paused the absentminded drying of a plate and realised that the imagined footsteps outside weren’t in her head. There was most definitely someone walking up and down the creaky floorboards of the run-down townhouse she’d been assigned to for the two weeks. She’d picked the floorboards out as her first warning if any unwanted guests stopped by the property, probably followed by the breaking of the two locks in the front door.

The closer she listened the more she could hear weight shifting and creaking wood.

Wanda crept through the still unfamiliar house, out of the kitchen and down the dim hallway to the door. As she approached the pacing paused and she distinctly heard a fist rapping on the wooden door three times.

She rose on her toes to peer through the peep hole. A familiar figure was standing on the porch with a head of neat, sandy hair and a carefully pressed blue shirt. Her hand flew to her mouth to hide the exclamation of surprise threatening to come forth. She dropped her hand quickly and stepped back, subconsciously reaching out and letting her magic unlock the door, sending it swinging open.

Wanda didn’t really know what to say as Vision turned around at the sound of the door creaking open. She simply stood there looking at him, fearful that she was imagining things and that he wasn’t really here. She tilted her head in question.

“Mr Stark told me you were here,” Vision said quietly, glancing over his shoulder as though worried someone might be watching them, but the street at his back was deserted. “I’m sorry for just showing up out of the blue.”

Wanda folded her arms, wrapping her cardigan further around herself against the night chill from outside. A deeper cold was spreading through her at the unnatural tension between them, even as she fought the urge to step forward and embrace him. “And why are you here?” She asked instead.

“I made a mistake, and I’d like to fix it.”

“How?”

“I’d like to start by talking, if you wouldn’t mind me coming in?”

Wanda bit her lip hesitantly but knew she couldn’t keep him waiting out on the doorstep. She stepped to the side and nodded for him to come in.

Wanda led him to the kitchen and settled herself opposite the table, so she could lean with the comforting pressure of the kitchen bench at her back.

She watched his eyes flicker about as he entered the space, taking in the washing in the sink, the bread open on the counter and the remains of her supper littered here and there. She suddenly wished she’d finished cleaning quicker. Wanda saw a lot in his gaze, knowing from months of meeting up as a fugitive that he was concerned about how well she was eating on the run. His gaze turned to her next, taking in her clothes, her face, the distinct bags under her eyes and Wanda couldn’t help but soften her stance, unfolding her arms but maintaining the distance she needed.

Vision had dropped his human glamour as soon as he entered the house and she watched as he now stood before her, hardly believing it was real.  

“I will not attempt to make excuses, I owe you more than that,” Vision said after a beat seemingly to collect himself. She was unnerved by his unwavering eye contact but met him head on.

“I was wrong. I thought that putting space between us was the right thing to do but I regretted that as soon as I left you standing there. I have regretted it every day since. I know that I was afraid, afraid of what we might become if I didn’t stop things where they were.” He paused for breath. “It wasn’t until I sat on the train that I realised the idea of living a life without you hurt more than I could bear. Perhaps that makes me selfish, wanting to keep meeting up and putting you at risk. But it is the truth. And if I could change things, if I could go back, I would behave differently.”

Wanda felt her breath loose out over her lips, a quiet sigh of relief.

“I would have told you all this the day after I left if I knew how I might reach you. I’m sorry.”

Wanda swallowed, taking a breath to think about what he had said. There was little to think about, she had forgiven Vision the moment she realised it was him standing on her porch. Learning now that he had tried to reach out for her in the past few weeks, something she hadn’t dared hope, and that she had stubbornly not let him in hurt more than she’d expected it to. They’d both made mistakes.

“As much as I hated being left like that, I understand why you did,” Wanda said earnestly.

“I was a fool,” Vision said shaking his head shamefully.

“That makes two of us.” Wanda smiled softly at him.

“I never could have stayed away,” he admitted, gesturing restlessly with his hands.

“I should have let you in sooner.”

Vision wasn’t often hesitant, but he paused before his next words. “Can you forgive me?” He stepped forward as he spoke.

This movement was all the invitation Wanda needed and she pulled away from the bench as he drew closer. They met each other in the middle, his arms coming around her waist, her hands sliding over his shoulders in a hug. They swayed for a moment, relishing the closeness.

“Forgiven,” she murmured to him, though she was sure the hug said it clearer. “No going back,” she added, considering making a joke about cold feet.

“I can’t help but think this was inevitable,” he said quietly from where his chin was pressed to her shoulder, his breath ruffling her hair. “That no matter the bridges we burnt, or how our paths changed, you were always going to be my future.” She hugged him tighter.

“But we need rules from now on,” Wanda said drawing back a little so she could see his face clearly, “like not getting photographed by tourists.”

“I will never live that down, will I?” Vision groaned but smiled nonetheless.

“Never,” she whispered, scrunching her nose at him affectionately, then growing more serious, “please don’t leave me again.”

“Never,” he promised pressing his forehead to hers in understanding.