hellisheuphoria

[hellisheuphoria]

[Luke/Rosa] And I love you as if you had died.

(Rewrote this cause it sucked)

He can feel her within everything that has ever been, or once was.

He feels her in the small leaf that would fall from the tree, in the wind that would tousle his hair, in the reflection of the moon in the water.

She is but a reflection of herself within his memories, but the feelings he’s held for her all this time have never faded once, and he doubts they will ever.

Maybe it was a blessing at first. To be so close to her, to experience all that she is to him despite the distance between them. But good things do not last long, and within time he finds himself trying to sever her ties to his soul with aching hands.

He takes every bit of memorabilia, and stores it in a cardboard box under his bed. To be forgotten.

He feels guilty; he is not deserving of her. And even then, she’s still so inexplicably close to him. The shame tugs at his heart, taunting him.

To his dismay, he begins to see her in his dreams. He sees her with that sweet smile, and he notices the light in her starry eyes is the same as it was all those years ago. She hasn’t changed, even in his decaying mind. The tears well up, steadily.

She gazes at him with a loving warmth, and he finds himself unable to move, afraid that she is only an illustration. Created only to be seen, and nothing more.

She calls his name, and at the very moment he reaches out for her hand, she disappears, leaving nothing but mist in her place.

No matter what step he takes every other night, hoping, praying, for a better outcome, he finds himself alone.

Just like how he had wanted, right?

Every night, he dreams the same dream; the curl of her soft lips, and her glistening twilight eyes- and her evanescence that remains prevalent in every dream. Inevitably, every time, she disappears into thin air, leaving nothing for him behind.

The years go by, slowly, and her spectre fades. Every trace of her has eventually diminished and died, and her warmth dissipates into a freezing cold.

No longer does he dream, finding himself in an inky abyss every time he closes his eyes. She was his lifeline, and now he finds himself falling deeper, unable to claw his way to the surface.

But it’s his fault, isn’t it? How shameless must he be, missing her after disappearing from her life?

He wonders how she is, how she has aged. Has her hair grown, has she cut it? He wishes he was a little kid again, spending every day with her as if time was only a concept.

The clock ticks by, seemingly endlessly, and he feels himself turn to stone, his blood scratching at his veins. He rummages through the box under his bed, his fingers trembling.

His heart thumps deeper into his chest.

Truly, he is a man undeserving.

Clutching her photo in his pale hands, he hopes she blames him. He does not deserve mercy nor forgiveness, yet he would still fall to his knees and beg her to forgive him for all of eternity.

The tears soak his sleeves, and he finds himself unable to prevent the bitter taste of it on his tongue. He whimpers her name like a prayer, and begs any god out there to spare him; to grant a dying man one last chance.

He would do anything. Anything at all, to see her one last time. Before the disease finally claims him.

[hellisheuphoria]

My hand in yours. [Luke/Rosa]

He looks exactly the same, if not a little bit older and wiser. But Rosa knows he is the same person he was all those years ago; the warmth in his eyes being forever unchanging.

He smiles at her wistfully, and she desperately fights the urge to break down in front of him. How could he do that? How could he look at her with those damning eyes, after leaving her alone for what seemed like forever?

Rosa, at this very moment, becomes cruel and unforgiving, unwilling to forget the promises he had broken in the last eight years. Even as he breaks into a grin bright enough to outshine her pain, she feels as though the hatred she feels is enough to consume her.

She wants to run away, to leave him there. She wants to hurt him just as much as he had hurt her. She wants to make him suffer as much as she had done, waiting for a person who had left and has yet still never returned despite being right in front of her.

He is speaking to her in a tongue she cannot understand, gripping her hands in a comforting act. He is gazing at her lovingly, but she cannot bring herself to do the same.

Rosa is angry.

And yet, she begins to weep, against her better judgement. The tears spill out as if they had been there from an era bygone, and she feels her strength slowly dissipate as she clutches him in an attempt to hold herself together.

But Rosa has broken like glass, and she cannot be put back together. There was no one to comfort her on the nights when she had been lonely, or to bring her back up when she felt as if she’d been falling into an abyss of despair and self hatred. She realises, now, she is shattered beyond recognition.

And it is all his fault.

They have fallen to the ground at this point, and he is holding her against his chest. But she is sobbing uncontrollably and hitting him, screaming for him to let go. But he does not, and instead tightens his hold on her.

Rosa is breaking again, and she knows she has become pathetic once more. She is ashamed of herself.

But she does not care, and lets him embrace her as her arms fall loosely, defeated. He is shaking, whispering apologies in her ears and begging for her forgiveness. But Rosa does not say a word, and curls in on herself, becoming the sixteen year old who had missed him after all those years.

She leans her head on his shoulder, and wraps her arms around him, grasping at his clothes desperately and not wanting to let him go again in case he disappears when she closes her eyes.

She feels warm in his embrace, despite the mistrust for him building in her veins. But Luke is still the same person he was back when they were kids, and so she knows she cannot hate him forever, it’s simply unnatural.

So she will ignore the doubt in her mind for now, up until the day he leaves her again. She can only hope it will not be in the near future; there is only so much loneliness her bleeding heart can take.

[hellisheuphoria]

You're now my favorite author. Everything is dripping with emotion and I'm living for it. Your pieces are insanely good, I'm looking forward to what you'll write in the future!! If it's not too much trouble, could you write something for Belphie with a suicidal MC asking him to kill them again? I don't really care whether it's comforting or just heartbreaking sorrowful, you can take it wherever you want ♥️ Thank you :)

I’m so sorry for the late reply 🥺 I hope you like this, I’ve tried my best- I hope I made it up to your standards <3

Bury me, my love.

[TW! This story contains suicidal ideation, self harm, death and depressive themes. Please read at your own risk <3.]

The water mimicked waves as it violently escaped the tub, your body fully submerged in the crystal, blue liquid.

You involuntarily coughed, your body silently begging you to breathe as it spasmed violently with each passing second you remained under, unmoving.

You closed your eyes, feeling the cool touch of the water keep you at bay, calm and collected. It cooled your skin and steadied your heartbeat, and you felt as though you could just fall asleep.

“Oí, MC! Hurry up- I need the bathroom!” Mammon yelled, slamming the door and jolting you awake.

Not wasting a second, you slipped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around yourself. As you emptied it, you noticed the streaks of blood that remained, stubborn and bold when compared to the pearly whites of the bathtub.

You rinsed it with the showerhead and unlocked the door, ignoring Mammon as he rushed in, as fast as a bullet. Unbeknownst to him, he’d just foiled your attempt on your life.

No problem. You could always continue in your bedroom.

The floorboards creaked as you stepped, water dripping from your body, head to toe. The house was empty and still, unusually quiet.

Whereas usually, it’d be bustling and full, the atmosphere warm and lively.

It was not exactly your scene, but it was your home. You were used to it. Your life in the human realm was nothing short of lonely and isolated. This was no different. As much as it usually was a fresh breath of air when it was lively, it was also a reminder that you had no place in their world or yours.

When you reached your room and locked it, you pulled out a hidden blade that hid within the pages of your books, messily arranged on your table, along with crumpled drafts of your final goodbyes.

Spreading the bloody towel on your floor, you sat atop it, shivering as the cold air stung your skin.

With no hesitation, you pushed a corner of the blade into your wrist and dragged it across, watching as the blood slowly pooled and flowed from the fresh incision. It pulsated, in sync with your heartbeat, implying you had hit a vein.

You did it repetitively on each wrist, already used to the stinging and the dull throb. Soon enough, your entire towel was drenched in your fresh blood, the original colour drowned in red.

Ears ringing, you felt lightheaded and your breath shallowed, your fingers trembled and twitched, dropping the blade as it fell to the floor, echoing.

You rested by the side of your mattress, blood pooling around you. Just one more, and you’d be put out of your misery.

You groaned slightly, feeling the effects of the blood loss wear you down. You heaved, unable to breathe and the sickness in your stomach spreading around your body.

You heard someone knock on your door rapidly, rapping their knuckles on the cool wood. Unable to speak without sounding as though you were in pain, you whimpered as silently as you could, waiting for the person to leave you to wither away.

When you didn’t respond, they started violently kicking at the door, demanding a response. “MC? MC?” They worriedly yelled.

And finally, they managed to break the door down, pulling it out of its hinges. Belphegor rushed in, gagging at the strong stench of blood. You tried to cover yourself, but he wrapped himself around you, not allowing you to hide yourself from him.

“MC,” He half choked out, his voice threatening to break, yet, he still sounded angry. “Who did this to you?”

“No one hurt me.” You calmly replied, staring at his eyes, half lidded. “I did.”

He stared at you, agape. “M-MC. This- this isn’t the way, I’m begging you,” He whispered, feeling as though he was unable to breathe. “Let me help you, please, or I can get Solomon to help- you can’t die like this- any other way but this-“

“Then kill me, Belphie. Don’t let me suffer.” You wearily begged him. “This isn’t something new to you.”

He brought your head to his chest, hiding his face in your hair. “Oh God, MC. I’m so sorry, I did this to you, forgive me.” He muttered incoherently into your hair, apologies flowing freely from his quivering lips.

“Belphie.” You whispered, smiling and comfortingly clutching his collar. “It’ll be okay.”

Blood dripped from your open wounds and landed on his sleeves, mixing with the blue wool of his clothes. Naked and drenched, he held you within his embrace as gently as he could, as if you were porcelain.

He wept, the tears falling endlessly from his glossy eyes and lasting on your head. Despite the growing numbness, you slightly pushed away from him and cradled his face in your hands, wiping his tears away and ignoring the way your fingers shivered and loosely touched his skin.

You weakly leaned into him, letting him cry atop your head for as long as he wanted to. When you’d stopped moving, he didn’t notice until you loosely dropped your head and your skin went cold.

No matter how much he shook you, or begged his Father for your life back, you lay there, unmoving.

Weeks later, there were funeral arrangements being made. Surprisingly enough, Belphegor was the least torn up person about your death.

He’d decided there would be no need for goodbyes, as he would be seeing you again. Soon.

[hellisheuphoria]

Mammon, the biggest loser in Hell.

[Trigger warning! This story contains suicidal ideation, sexual assault, abuse and depressive themes. Please read at your own risk, and keep yourself safe if necessary, and at all costs <3.]

The lengths to which he would go to, influenced by his Greed, were limitless. He’d turned to stealing from his own brethren, his King’s Castle. There is no place in the three realms that is yet untouched by the stain of his sin, albeit anothers’ hand.

Mammon knows that. He is ashamed of it. He is ashamed of himself. He’d been ashamed since the day he’d been cast out of the Heavens, and crashed into the fiery depths of Hell.

From the minute his wings decayed and rot, with leathery skin replacing it’s predecessor, just as dark and vile as the soul he did no longer possess.

The urges he once felt, to sin, to steal, during the time in which he remained an angel, when Lilith was still alive. They’d constantly tug at him, jabbing at him and taunting him.

They ravaged him the minute she died, the breath spilling out of her cold lips as her eyes rolled into the back of her head, her fragile heart beating for the last time. Her bloody, broken form cradled by the eldest brother of the seven former angels, once a group of eight.

Mammon, the worst of the seven. The embarrassment, the black sheep of the family; the stupid, selfish piece of shit.

Mammon, you scummy moron!

Mammon, what have you done now?!

Mammon, you’re such an embarrassment!

Mammon, I wish you didn’t exist!

The second ruler of Hell, yet the worst of them all. Second to his elder brother, the Avatar of Pride. A man so elegant and composed, yet to still turn out so fucked up.

How selfish of him. To want to be a brother to those he loved. To be confided in, to be trusted, to be a part of someplace in which he would belong. To be loved unconditionally, to have a family that didn’t hurt him, and appreciated him for what good he could do, no matter how small.

Yet, he couldn’t blame them for hurting him as much as they did, striking him with words as sharp as the arrow that pierced Lilith, stabbing him right in his befouled heart.

He deserved it, didn’t he? This was his repentance, his punishment and his torment combined into one.

He bled internally, the blood pouring out and staining him on the inside, yet he remained so beautiful and untouched on the outside.

Perhaps this was his Fathers’ doing. His descent was not the last of the punishment he would receive, second to the death of his beloved sister. If he got on his knees and begged profusely, would he be granted mercy? Would he be rid of the personal Hell in which he resided in?

He was like glass. If they were to cut him down from the inside and beat him dead, his eyes lifeless and face void, he’d break.

He’d break, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

Like porcelain, he’d shatter into an indefinite amount of pieces, each shard more damaged than the last.

He knew. He knew what they all thought of him. Their words slithered in the hallways, strangling him, yet he was unable to pry them off his throat. Greed was Mammon, and Mammon was Greed. That was unchangeable.

Mammon, the scum of the Devildom.

If he simply vanished, it’d all be much more easier, wouldn’t it? Less trouble for his brothers, and maybe he’d see his sister again. The only one who truly loved him for who he was, yet unable to divulge it; whisked away relentlessly by the others. Like her, he may never ascend into the Celestial Realm, astray and but a mere ghost.

Perhaps his brothers would miss him. Perhaps they would mourn. Maybe they’d instead recoil at the sight of the paperwork regarding his death, or the applications required to have a new Avatar of Greed.

If he prayed now, before his timely demise, would his Father forgive him? Would He grant him ascent to the Celestial Realm, to live throughout his existence as an angel once more?

If that were not the case, nevertheless, time heals all wounds. Their mourning would not last forever, if they even did. Eventually, they’d pass on, and he’d become nothing more but a distant memory.

Regardless, that wouldn’t stop him from finishing the job himself. He’d already worked out a will, leaving the few meaningful objects he had into the possession of his brothers.

He’d prettied himself up, and cleaned his room from the mess that once sat there, nurtured by the wallowing of his own, laying on his bed perennially with nothing more than his thoughts to accompany him.

And for once, he’d finally paid back the witches. The same ones who had tormented him from the moment he descended, shunned from the celestial home he had once lived in, laying their hands on him and defiling him for hundreds of years to come.

Now, it was only a matter of time.

A few moments before his planned death, and nothing could stop him.

He’d hang himself, similar to the punishments that his brothers would inflict upon him. His legs strung up in the air, the rope high enough so that his arms would not reach so he may untie himself, blood rushing to his head as he begged relentlessly, yet only to be belittled.

The only difference was that he’d be wrapping the noose under his throat, strangling himself.

A fit punishment for a piece of scum, much like himself. He’d relieve his brothers of burden, and maybe they’d finally love him for the first time in his life, even if he would be dead.

But even if they would mock him while he was long gone and deceased, his body rotted and the only trace of his existence to be his bones, he’d let them know he loved them.

Even if he was the most scummiest being to exist in the entire history of the three realms, there would be nothing to stop him from loving his family.

Even if they did not love him back, he’d love them. Regardless of the way they hurt him.

[hellisheuphoria]

No Place To Go: Chapter One.

The soloution to ending your own suffering may be the one thing you may fear the most.

[Warning! This story includes extremely triggering topics such as suicide, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and self harm so please read at your own risk. Thank you <3]

There is often nothing better than the thought of ending your own suffering. This thought often occurs when you have injured yourself. Like when you have broken a bone, or stubbed your own toe. Or when you’ve got a toothache.

There’s always someone there to help you, to relieve you of your pain. Like a dentist, or a doctor. When you’ve hurt yourself, you know there’s always someone you can turn to. They’re there in your mind, you can’t forget them.

”But why, why does it hurt to breathe?” You ask yourself, laying alone in your dark room. It was bedtime a long time ago, the entire house stood still and unmoving, and nothing could be heard.

You weren’t sure for how long you were in your room. It was completely and fully dark, with no traces of light.

You were still and motionless, much like a dormant marionette. The strings that held you together and made you move were dead and void of any life.

If only you could just sleep. You would kill someone to sleep. Maybe you could ask Solomon to aid you with a sleeping spell, or you could ask Lucifer if they sold any medicine in the Devildom.

You couldn’t feel anything. You were numb, you were dead. There was nothing to keep you grounded. Not even the demon brothers.

You were used to this, though. You’d been like this since you were younger. There was nothing in life that made it worth living for you, and perhaps you were only here, alive and breathing, for the sake of not letting those around you to feel hurt- to feel the same way you did before you would be gone.

You were no Lilith. You didn’t have any strong sense “to stay alive”. If you were in her shoes as she was dying, you wouldn’t have wanted to continue your meaningless existence.

She was admirable, and you were not. They all loved her, you know they do. Honestly, they still do. You can see it when they speak to you, happy and excited.

It’s so easy to forge a lie. It was your innate ability to speak anything but the truth, to look like anything but the truth. It was a very handy talent in the recent years of your life.

And so you would lie to them. You would “share” their happiness with them, when in reality, you just wanted to walk away and not look back. Or go sleep in your room, with the door locked. You wanted anything but to be close to somebody.

You didn’t want to feel the sense of ‘belonging’. Nothing could ever sweeten the painful continuance of your life. Not even by a little bit.

“What would happen to those who’d killed themselves?”, you pondered. You were quite literally in Hell, and could find nothing but demons as the only residents of this place.

If you’d killed yourself here, would you just come back? Would you cease to exist? Would you end up back in the human world? Or would you become a demon?

After all, it was practically a universal rule that those who died by their own hand would have committed a great sin by ending their own lives.

You were far from innocent, anyways. From what you could recall, harming yourself was another sin on the list, and there was plenty of evidence on your body to show that, such as your arms.

The blood had dried long ago, the red deepening and turning into a reddish-brown, signifying that it had started the healing process. The cuts lay jagged and messily over your arms, extending up to your elbow.

You were nothing but ashamed. Why should you care? Any sort of embarrassment you may have once felt had dried out long ago, and there was nothing but an empty shell of what you used to be in its place.

You wanted anything but to exist. So you’d hoped that if you- when you’d kill yourself, you would no longer be here, not even your soul should be left behind. It was useless for anyone, anyways.

You had it all planned out. Sometime, sooner or later, you would kill yourself. Maybe in a few days or a week. Perhaps you could drown yourself in Asmo’s bathtub, or provoke a gang of demons so they would kill you.

Nobody would miss you. They should have been used to it, by now. You were human. Your lifespan was only a blip in their radar, and they were once angels who’d dealt with people that once lived, and after death would be reverted back to their ‘true’ form, such as a soul.

You wouldn’t be missed. Your family would forget as fast as they mourned, and the demon brothers would live for thousands of years after your death, be it either from your own hand or other causes.

So why should you hesitate to die prematurely?

Death wasn’t a touchy subject for them. For Lilith, that is another case. But in general, they were unbothered. They constantly threatened with death threats to even their own brethren, and at one point you had been murdered by one of them.

Oh, how you missed the feeling of being nonexistent, feeling like you were permanently hovering in the empty space as though you were underwater. It was calm and soothing, up until the point where Lilith sent you back in time to witness the death of yourself from not too long ago, as the one who’d killed you laughed, cackling in sadistic pleasure as your flame died, snuffed and gasping for air to sustain it.

Belphegor. You would thank him a million times for allowing you to finally feel a sort of serenity that you had been craving your entire life, yet too scared to try.

He was your saviour, in a way, and you wished he would do it again. That he would hurt you, harm you, make you bleed- anything to fasten the process in which would allow you to return to the state of tranquility and serenity that you craved so much.

There was nothing for you here. Nothing in life was permanent.

You felt yourself getting sleepier, your eyes dropping and your body shifting further into your mattress. At least, this was the closest you could get to death before you would die by your own hand.

You then fell from this overbearing world and crashed into a state of nothing.

———————————————————————

You woke up to the sound of rapid banging on your door, and voices shouting from the other side- namely, Mammon.

“Hey, human!” He yelled, almost loud enough to shake the house. “Are ya getting ready for school or not?!”

You groaned, pulling a hand up to your face and dragging it, feeling the panic rise up in your chest already. “I- yeah, I’ll be ready soon. You don’t have to wait up for me.”

“What do you mean not wait? You could get attacked! And you sound sick- MC, open the door! I’m coming in!”

You flinched at the sudden high volume of his voice, and immediately looked down to see yourself wearing a tank top, baring the sin on your arm fully.

You yelled back just as he turned the doorknob, “No! Mammon, stay out there! I’m not decent!”

You heard the door knob twist back and Mammon hurriedly stumble back, almost tripping on his own shoes as he fell, rear first, on the floor.

“O-oh! I’ll just wait for you by the d-door, then! Hurry up, though! The great Mammon doesn’t have time to be waiting for humans!” He nervously exclaimed, then scurried to the entrance.

“I know you don’t.” You mumbled to yourself, while throwing off your pajamas and tslippjng on your uniform, not caring for your hair or teeth. You could always brush them later.

You tried making an effort to at least look decent, but failed, and so you settled for your “out of bed look”, which you’d been ‘proudly’ exhibiting everyday, not having any shame.

You walked over to the entrance where Mammon had been waiting and put on your shoes, exhausted to deal with the day ahead.

“Hey, MC..” Mammon trailed off, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Are you okay?”

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 6: Conceal.

The MC has their true feelings exposed.

[This chapter contains scenes depicting mental breakdowns, anxiety/panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, so please read at your own risk. And thank you for reading, stay safe <3]

You heard the front door click open and a group of voices rushing in from the entrance. You stood still, panicked and frozen- your mind completely blank. You picked up your bags and ran out of your room and to the only place you knew you could go.

You sprinted across the hallway. It was hard to run with the bags in your hands, and you couldn’t help but drop a few things.

You stopped in front of the dollhouse and remembered the time when you and Beel looked for Luke in there after he disappeared inside of the closet.

You noticed the riddle engraved in the small walls of the dollhouse, written in the language of angels, which Beel translated for you.

When the morning star dwelt in the heavens, its light shone down upon this one, sparkling brilliantly, the eighth of the eight.

Your fingers brushed the wood, an aura of melancholy radiating from the slightest touch.

”The morning star was another name for Lucifer,” you spoke out loud, “And the eighth child of the eight was Lilith.”

A blinding, white light engulfed you and you felt as though you were floating, suspended in midair. Everything ceased to exist for a moment, and you held your breath, keeping your eyes shut.

At last, a hard floor emerged from beneath you and your feet landed upon it. You opened your eyes to find yourself in Lilith’s room.

All the furniture was still draped in white, bland sheets that took away the beauty of this place. It held melancholy, pain and grief, yet you could sense the memories that once made this place so special. It almost made you feel bad to be breaking into it.

You let go of your bags and sat down, pulling your knees up to your chest and letting yourself rest for what felt like eternity. God, you were exhausted.

You heard a ping! from your phone and picked it up, seeing a few texts from Beel. You hesitated for a few seconds, but opened up the app anyways. It’s not as though he could find you just by reading his texts, right?

Beel

Hey, MC.

I know a lot has happened these past few months and you probably don’t want to talk to me, but..

Please, just hear me out, okay? If I can’t talk to you physically, this is the second best I can do.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you, MC. I know that I’ve been absolutely selfish for not being able to tell how you’ve been feeling for however long it’s been going on, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you before it escalated, I shouldn’t have ignored your feelings.

I don’t want to make this too long, so I’ll try and keep it short. MC, I only want to help you- we all do. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m concerned for you. I’m not mad at you for running away, I’m mad at myself for not knowing why. I could have helped you, and I didn’t. I didn’t even notice. We just want the best for you, Belphie included. Even if he might be the cause of this. It was our fault for not noticing.

You’re so kind and considerate, and I’m ashamed of myself for not being the same back. Please forgive me if you can find it in your heart to do so.

-Beel.

You felt an air of shame surround you. Beel had a heart the same size as his hunger, and it you could feel the sadness he felt from reading his texts.

Perhaps it was time for you to stop being so evasive... maybe- it was time for you to answer their questions, to reveal what you truly felt on the inside.

It had tormented you for so long, the fear of being exposed, to be stripped bate for everyone to see what truly hid underneath- for them to be broken from their masks and lenses of lies and ignorance.

Was it really worth it? Was it worth it to worry about this for the rest of your minuscule, almost pointless life? Did they deserve your lies?

Were you worth it?

As sweet as they were, they were demons, nonetheless. Angels that fell from grace, their souls corrupted and blackened, their purity decayed and rotten.

How could they possibly understand? They couldn’t understand. Why should they? Human lives were pointless and non-existent when compared to theirs. Humans were weak and vulnerable, easily manipulated with just a few sentences.

Did they truly care for you at all? Did they only think of you as a replacement for their late, dear sister? Another Lilith?

Would you have been discarded and thrown away like trash if they did not know of your heritage? After all, the apple never falls far from the tree.

It was hard to trust people in the Devildom. It was hard to trust anyone at all, really. It was suffocating being so.. alone, no matter how isolated and distant you were.

It felt hard to breathe, again. The air felt constricting and hot.

No one could be trusted.

No one at all.

You let out a strangled sob, tears pouring down your reddened cheeks as you held onto yourself from comfort, crying for some sort of validation.

You were weak and spineless, and you brushed your hand in your hair as you tried to console yourself as silently as you could. You were truly alone. Vulnerable and scarred on the inside and outside. Maybe there really was no hope for you.

Salty, hot tears rushed down your cheeks. You couldn’t help but weep uncontrollably, your back arched and your arms wrapping around your shaking body.

Everything hurt so much, it felt as though you were being strangled again, pinned to the wall and unable to move. It was like dying all over again, and you couldn’t help but scream.

It felt like something was suffocating you, sitting on your chest like a bag of bricks. The air suddenly turned cold and you jumped, terrified of being attacked in your horrible, sensitive state.

You hid your face in your hands and sank down to the floor, wishing to disappear and never come back. What hope was there left? What was the point of your existence?

You screamed in your hands and went rigid, your entire body exhibiting naked emotion.

Everything was tuned out. The world simply didn’t exist anymore, and neither did anyone else. Except you.

Yet, you still failed to notice someone else entering the room, completely flabbergasted at what was happening in front of them.

”MC!” Beel yelled, frozen in a state of panic and pulsing waves of anger. It was absolutely sickening to witness you crumble into pieces on the floor, holding onto yourself hard enough to leave bruises. He would later beat himself up for being so ignorant.

He immediately fell to the floor and tried to hold you. He wanted to console you, to comfort you, but he couldn’t.

You felt so vulnerable and exposed. It was like reliving your death at the hands of Belphegor, and so when Beel tried to touch you, you screamed and crawled away from him, shifting yourself into the corner so he wasn’t even within arms length of you.

He immediately recoiled when you screamed, and felt his heart drop at the sight of you cowering away like an injured lamb.

You wailed, “Don’t touch me! Stop- get- get away from me!” You pulled up your knees and wrapped your arms around them, trying to disappear, if you could.

”Please- don’t hurt me- not again! Leave me alone- I beg you!”

Beel slowly shuffled closer, and tried to talk in the most calm and quiet voice he could muster up, careful not to rattle you any further.

”MC, it’s Beel, I’m not-“ he felt disgusted at seeing what his twin brother had done to you. He had broken you far from recognition, shattered you into pieces and left you by yourself to pick them up. He had defiled you. And the worst thing was that he allowed him to. It was almost as repulsive as doing it himself. “I’m not Belphie. I’m not going to hurt you,”

He held his arms wide enough for you to crawl into his embrace. “I want to help, MC. Please listen, I’m here for you.”

You looked up at him, shaken and tear-ridden, ashamed of mistaking him as a monster.

”Beel...?” You whispered, your voice raspy and your throat scratchy and aching.

He nodded, “Yes, MC. It’s me.”

You jumped into his embrace, sobbing. He wrapped his arms around you and sat there, waiting for you to calm down, almost collapsing in tears, himself.

You two sat there for a while, not saying anything but appreciating each other’s company. Everything came to a standstill, and you were glad that nothing could be heard from here.

“I’m sorry.” You spoke after a while, ashamed of being seen like this, so exposed and weak.

He looked down at you and shook his head, “No, MC. You’re not the one who should be apologising, that should be me.”

”I wish I noticed, I’m so sorry.”

It was probably enough, at this point. If you had to put up with this for any longer, you may as well just not put up with anything, and let go.

If your life was just gonna be full of this horrible torture, the only way to be rid of this was to not be here any longer. To cease to live.

If only you could just double over and die. You would be so grateful to the demon that would end your misery in this twisted universe.

Your stupid, worthless life had no meaning anyway. There was nothing permanent in life. Friends would drift away, no matter how close you were or how long you’d know each other. And family members could not live forever either.

One day, you wouldn’t live. Be it at your hands or someone else’s. Maybe even nature.

It felt shameful and piteous to be seen like this- to feel like this. What was the point in living any longer?

People would laugh at you, they would judge you, they would hurt you- no matter if they were an angel, a demon or human. You would forever be judged.

Maybe some people thought of you as confident; maybe some of them thought of you as kind or considerate. Hell, maybe some of them thought of you as hardheaded or stubborn.

If you were to change yourself, you would always have a different version of yourself in everyone’s mind. There would never be the same version of yourself in anyone’s point of view. What was the point in redemption? You would never feel satisfaction so long as there is somebody that thinks of you in an ill-mannered way.

You were tired of thinking. You were tired of everything. You kept your arms around Beel and eased your body, letting yourself relax. He wrapped his arms around your form and scooped you up, letting you rest against him.

He kissed the top of your head and whispered, “I’ll make everything right, MC. I swear.”

How sweet of him.

Your weary, red eyes closed, and you drifted away to a world where nothing could hurt you, and you were at peace. Away from this corrupt reality and hollow world.

[This chapter is really triggering, so please don’t hesitate to talk to me if you’re feeling like you need to vent or if you need any solace <3]

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 5: Withdrawn.

The MC skips class, and runs into problems soon after.

[This chapter contains scenes describing blood, wounds, stitching and vivid dreams, so read at your own risk. And thank you for reading <3]

You did not know if your eyes were open, swirling darkness blinding you everywhere you looked. The air was frosty and cold, chilling you to your very bones.

It was silent, but muffled. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing could be heard. The silence engulfed you, lulling you to a sinister lullaby.

The darkness pierced your skin, biting you with its horrible, sharp claws. Black ink swirled through your skin like a tattoo, slowly spreading through your body.

You could breathe it in, you could feel the ink choke you from the inside and drown you slowly, filling your lungs with a feeling of desperation as you clawed at your chest for air.

It trickled down your hair, turning it into a beautifully menacing black. It was intoxicating you, a corrupt pleasure you’d felt like no other.

It whispered in your ears, muttering a mad gibberish than you could not understand. Its whispers echoed in your ears, bouncing and ringing on and off. It all merged into one, deafening your ears.

You could taste it. It tasted like deep mourning, melancholy, the feeling of hopelessness and anguish. A pure lamentation.

Everything came to a still, yet you could feel a presence behind you, frost nipping at your skin as the hair on the back of your neck stood at its end.

You could breathe, but it did not satisfy you. You could breathe, yet it poisoned your insides.

You could breathe, but you were dying.

His eyes were dark and soulless, filled with emptiness and sorrow of a malicious kind.

His arms wrapped themselves around you, bringing your bodies together as dread coursed through your icy veins, your body unwilling to move.

His hands found themselves wrapped around your neck, slithering around you like a noose.

”Oh, my dear, sweet MC...” His lips curled into a venomous smile, the whispers ringing in your ears like alarms, the volume increasing by the second.

”It’s too bad that I hate humans, you see.” He closed his eyes, relishing the aroma of fear dancing around the both of you.

”Otherwise, we may have gotten along quite well.” His claws dug into your neck, your body limp against his.

The only thing you could see was the glow of his eyes, crinkled with the pleasure of watching you die, unable to move and unable to speak.

Before the world melted away, and your soul ceased to exist in such a transparent, spurious world.

———————————————————————

”MC-“ A hand swatted at your shoulder, shaking you from your spot on the sofa.

”MC! Wake up!” You slapped away whoever it was standing over you, refusing to open your eyes.

Suddenly, a rush of cold water slid down your neck and you jumped forward, shivering in shock.

Luke stood over your form, looking guilty and holding an empty cup. He was already dressed in his usual attire, beret and all. You stared at him, and he nervously looked away from you.

”Uh, MC! I’m sorry, but- but you were gonna be late if you didn’t wake up, and I don’t want you to be late so I had to throw water at you.. It wasn’t a lot though! Just a-“

You hushed him, putting a finger to his lips in your drowsy state. “Luke, I understand. Just, let me relax for a bit. I can run to school, we’re at the dormitories anyway.”

He nodded his head vigorously in response, still feeling guilty for his method of awakening you.

”Uh, MC..” You turned your head toward him, eyes droopy.

“I- I’m so sorry I didn’t help you last night! I thought you wanted some space to yourself, and I thought it was the right choice!”

He rambled on, ”I could hear you crying, but I didn’t come to help you, I’m really, really sorry! It was selfish of me, I’m sorry, MC!” He exclaimed, looking down and avoiding your gaze as you stared at him in confusion..

”Wait, crying? Luke, I don’t remember crying last night. I went straight to bed. At least- I don’t remember crying.” His eyes widened, clearly as muddled as you were.

”But, I could- I could hear you crying. Look, there are tear marks on your pillow right there!” Your head snapped to where your head had just been resting a few minutes ago. If you looked close enough, there were really tear stains.

Your fingers unconsciously brushed your cheeks as you looked back at Luke, who stared at you in bewilderment as you had done the same.

Perhaps, these dreams were getting out of hand.

———————————————————————

“MC, will you really be going to school without your uniform on? Won’t you just get sent back?” Simeon spoke, his beautiful eyes staring back at yours.

”Yeah. Either I go, or don’t go. I’m pretty sure that everyone would rather I go.” You nonchalantly replied, glancing at the mirror as you fixed your hair.

”Hey, how about you guys go on to school without me? I might take long, due to, uh, getting ready...? You know, I still gotta look decent. ” You tried your best to act as casual as you could, and hoped he’d fall for the trick.

He sighed and smiled at you, “Okay, we’ll see you at school, alright? Don’t take too long.”

You were relieved he took the bait, otherwise you would have really had to go to school. Who could be asked to go, knowing that there would be a whole bunch of drama waiting for them? Certainly not you.

You heard the groups footsteps become more quiet and quieter, until they couldn’t be heard at all. You silently opened the door and stuck your head out, looking at both sides of the hallway.

You then closed the door and sighed in relief, standing by yourself in Luke’s dorm. He wouldn’t mind, would he? You needed this day for yourself, no questions asked.

You opened the door and then locked it with the spare key Luke handed to you, and took off in the other direction, set on going back to the House of Lamentation to collect your things.

———————————————————————

The floorboards creaked as you silently stepped into the house, closing the door behind you and attempting to try your best at staying as unnoticed as possible, like a mouse.

Nothing could be heard except for the pitter- patter your feet made as they stepped on the floorboards, but you still kept on trying your best to keep them as short and silent.

You opened the door of your room, rushing in there as fast as you could and shutting the door. Everything was in its same place as you had left it last night, your bed unmade and your clothes in heaps of piles everywhere.

You quickly gathered your school clothes, your laptop, essential items and other things you would need. You didn’t plan on staying here for a little bit, maybe a few weeks. You could probably couch-surf between dorms. If they let you, of course. If they didn’t, you always could just roam around for a little bit, pulling all-nighters or sleeping on benches.

The minute your grabbed your laptop, the shelf above it collapsed and fell, causing a huge ruckus. Your froze and your breath ceased, flower pots fell from the shelf and broke, the shards cutting the back of your hand.

You winced and pulled it back, wiping the blood on your shirt, and trying to press on it. It still bled quite heavily, and it looked as though you would need stitches, but you were no professional.

Something ran across the hallway, making their way towards your room, you closed your eyes instinctively, facing the other way when they opened the door, panting.

”MAMMON! What the hell-“

Levi burst into the room, his phone in one hand and a violent aura being emitted off him.

”Wait, you’re not Mammon! You’re MC!” He gasped, out of breath.

”I thought Mammon was in here stealing your things, what are you doing here? Didn’t you run away?” He eyed the bag in your hand, full of your belongings.

”Oh..” His eyes darkened, an envious tone surfacing in his voice.

”So you’ve ditched us, huh?” He grabbed your injured hand and pulled you closer, hurt and betrayal swirling in his eyes.

”MC..” He noticed your pained expression and looked down at both of your hands intertwined, feeling the blood ooze out of your wounds, a horrible contrast to his pale skin.

He looked back at your desk where broken flower pots lay, shattered into fragments.

”Oh, MC! We have a medical kit in the kitchen- follow me there!”

He ran off to the kitchen, with you trailing not too far behind. He grabbed a small kit off the top of the refrigerator and opened it, pulling out surgical thread and a needle. You winced at the sight of it.

”I’ve done this before- it’s a story for another time- but it might hurt for you because you’re human. I’ll try my best, but I can’t guarantee anything.”

Blood was beginning to drip into the table, and so you tied your best to stay still as he disinfected it, trying to wash off the blood at the same time.

When he pierced your skin with the needle, you hissed in pain- and Levi anxiously went red, panicking that he was being too rough. When he finished, he bandaged it and packed up, hiding the evidence that someone had been injured.

”Levi?” He turned towards you, humming in response.

”I’m sorry for getting blood on you, if you want, you can change and I’ll wait.” He looked down, noticing the blood on his shirt, but then also noticed the blood on yours, too. He raised an eyebrow jokingly.

”Oh, right- I have to change too, haha.” You smiled in response, relieved he wasn’t treating you any differently.

You went to your room and Levi went to his. There was still broken fragments everywhere, so you would need to be careful. Especially of your hand, too.

You changed out of your bloody clothes, tossing them to the side onto the pile of your dirty laundry. You then noticed the bag sitting untouched on your chair and picked it up, retrieving your laptop and placing it inside of your bag.

You heard him come inside of your room and close the door, walking behind you. You hummed and slung the bag over your shoulders, finally turning around.

”Oh--“ Your words died in your mouth before you spoke, recognising the person in front of you.

Belphegor.

He stood in front of you, his tall figure looming over you and his usual frown on his gorgeous, yet evil face.

”MC,” he smiled in relief, yet still looking tired and drowsy. “We looked for you for so long.”

You shifted anxiously, your eyes darting everywhere but on him. “I-I know. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you guys.” You meekly responded, feeling intimidated by his figure.

He noticed the bag in your hands and his expression soured within less than a second.

”MC.” His voice willed you to look at him, your eyes meeting his.

”You’re leaving?” He looked so hurt, so vulnerable, his eyes glistening with crushed hope, his bottom lip trembling with sadness.

His eyes hooked onto yours, the world being zoned out as you could feel yourself being pulled in, your mind in a drowsy state as your body took a life of its own, unwilling to obey your commands.

”Belphegor...” you whispered out his name in a weak tone, feeling ever so sorry for him. You didn’t realise it, but you were falling deeper into his spell, sin ravaging his aura as he willed you to close in on him and forget your childish tantrum so you wouldn’t leave him behind.

Levi’s voice cut through the air as he crashed inside, holding his phone in the air with a worrying expression.

”MC, they’re on their way here!”

Belphegor and you separated as Levi jumped in, practically bouncing with energy as he yelled.

”Levi, Belphegor,” you worriedly spoke up, grabbing both of their attention.

”I need your help to hide me.”

[hellisheuphoria]

You know what? Everyday I look forward to your writing! Never been I this excited and invested in a fanfic/story. I wonder how the brothers will react once they found out the reason why MC is like that, even Diavolo himself and the Purgatory Hall squad. I would love to see and dive into MC's perspective more and understand that past trauma is not an once in a blue moon kind of thing but rather an everyday battle. I also want to see how they can a support group for MC.

I’m glad you enjoy it! I love to write, so I’m happy that you like reading it! Thank you so much, ily <3

And yeah! You’re right. It really is an everyday battle, and I do sometimes find it confusing as to how I can make it realistic and not over dramatised or fake-ish.

There will be a few more developments to the plot, so I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for in the next chapters. ♡

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 4: Lament.

The MC finds shelter and solace from a few friends.

[Thanks for reading! No warnings here, but don’t hesitate to write constructive criticism, and this series contains spoilers from chapter 16 onwards, but thank you! <3]

“Hello, MC.” Solomon spoke behind you, his hand resting on your shoulder. He was dressed in his usual attire with a cape and his signature smile on his face.

“Solomon?” You were confused, why was he here? And at this hour too?

“Why- why are you here? It’s late, and dark. Aren’t you supposed to be at the dorms with Simeon and Luke?”

“Yes, but, well...” He carried off, looking to the side as though he was trying to hide something, but wasn’t really trying his best at all. He could pretend better than this, you’ve seen him.

You realised what he was up to- he was trying to get you to go back to the House of Lamentation. Asmo must have texted him what happened, and so he set off searching for you.

”I know what you’re trying to do, and no! I’m not going back there, you can’t make me. I’m so done with everything!”

“This is none of your business.” You turned away from him, shoving his hand off you. You then walked away, muttering to him. “Leave me alone.”

You walked away for a few seconds but could then hear his footsteps a few metres behind you. You picked up the pace, expecting him to take the hint and go back to Purgatory Hall.

But he didn’t, and continued to follow you from a few metres away, irritating you immensely.

Annoyed from his antics, Your fists clenched and you turned around suddenly, ready to yell at him to leave you alone.

But there was no one there. It was as if he’d disappeared. You stood there dumbly, not knowing what to do. It was probably the best course of action to just get as far away as you could.

You would walk to even the far side of the Devildom if it meant you could get away from all you knew here.

You roamed for what seemed to be hours on hand- you couldn’t really remember or tell the time.

It was pitch black and quiet, no soul in sight. The air was frosty and unwelcoming, the wind threatening to blow you away, tousling your hair and clothes.

The stores were all shut and dark, all the employees having gone home and the world silent. The only thing you could see or hear were the animals, completely strange and unrecognisable when compared to the animals that you were used to in the human realm.

Satan would’ve loved this part of town, there were many stray cats in sight. You smiled and bent down, letting the cats rub their faces in the palm of your hand, purring and their tails curling at the end.

You couldn’t recognise anything at this point, having truly been lost in the Devildom. Maybe one of them would take pity on you and end your misery. If only.

Everything seemed to blur together as the darkness wrapped around you like rope, blinding and binding you.

You were now a runaway, completely lost in this unknown and horrifying world.

But somehow, you weren’t scared, you were relieved. A weight having been lifted off your chest, allowing you to breathe.

It was an amazing, yet frightful sensation. You were free, but you weren’t safe. You wouldn’t be safe at all, not until you could go back home, the only home you had in the human world.

Why would anyone have ever expected you to have forgotten or forgiven what Belphegor had done to you?

What he’d done to you had and will linger behind you for the rest of you life. His cold hands had tainted you, defiled you and polluted you in filth and sin.

You weren’t escared of a demons’ power before freeing Belphegor, but that fearlessness backfired on you. You, yet not you, had died, but then brought back from another timeline to serve as a replacement for the one that had been disposed of. One that would no longer exist, but would have a direct impact on this timeline and their previous one, in a way.

The brothers may never understand, having been living for thousands of years before you had even existed. And they will continue on existing for thousands of more years to come.

And at some point, they will forget you. It was inevitable.

And when Belphegor didn’t hesitate to lay waste to your life, why should the others?

Your feet started to ache from your little adventure, but you didn’t have anywhere to go. Maybe this was a bad idea, to have run away from the only home you knew and had.

Panic set into your chest as you feared for yourself. This was.. this was a bad idea, you should have just gave up and went back hours ago, but you were lost. You were lost, in another world, far different from your own, and more stranger and dangerous.

God, how stupid could you be?

”Why, MC. I’m surprised to see you here.”

Your head snapped back, tears already threatening to escape. Simeon was there, in his all of his glory and beauty.

”I- Simeon..” You whispered, shaken, yet relieved by his sudden appearance.

He held out a hand to you, “MC, you wouldn’t be lost, would you?” He kept his eyes on you, radiating warmth and comfort from just being within inches of his presence. “Come with me, I can help you.” He spoke in a voice so soft and understanding, that you couldn’t help but feel drawn to him.

It made you feel so much more better, and so you let him whisk you away, like a helpless, little doll.

———————————————————————

A warm cup of green tea lay snugly in the palm of your hands, as you kept your eyes on your lap.

Simeon brought you back to his dorm, where Solomon and Luke had been waiting for you, almost jumping in their seats due to their unease.

They got notified of your outburst by Lucifer and Asmo, and decided the best thing for you would be to just bring you back to their dorms, where you could stay for as long as you needed.

The minute Luke saw you, he grabbed onto you and cried, all the while muttering how worried he’d been for you, thinking that you’d been eaten by a demon for not responding to his messages.

Solomon thought that you had followed him as he walked away, expecting that you had realised the danger you were in. It was an unpleasant shock when you hadn’t, but he waited for you patiently, not knowing that you tried to get yourself to the far side of the Devildom. He was very close to flicking you when he found out what had actually happened, worried for his fellow human exchange student.

Simeon was sweet enough to go out and look for you when the time got late, and was fortunate enough to have found you in a casual and serene part of town. He may not have looked like it at first, but he was extremely worried for you. He wouldn’t stop expressing his anxiety for you, amazed that you hadn’t been eaten by a demon.

When Simeon brought you in, they fussed over you immediately. Luke made you a cup of tea and Solomon threw a whole bunch of blankets on you, practically burying you in them.

You hadn’t said anything, but you were silently thanking them for everything, and you knew they understood. You were used to helping others, yet not taking the time to care for yourself.

They asked you if you wanted to let Lucifer and his brothers know what happened, but you said that you would do it later. You would definitely need to build up the energy to have Lucifer’s ramblings pass right through you.

“MC.” Simeon sat next to you, placing a hand on yours discreetly.

”Where would you like to sleep tonight?”

Your eyes widened, where would you sleep tonight?

There were no more dorms available. And if you were to sleep in either Simeon’s or Solomon’s rooms, people may get the wrong idea.

”I can sleep on Luke’s couch, if that’s okay with him?” Simeon called out to Luke, who ran in immediately after like a puppy, cute and all.

”Oh, yes, MC! You can stay with me on my sofa, that’d be great!” He acted so cutely that you couldn’t help but smile at him, the first time in ages.

Solomon and Simeon left, leaving you and Luke in his dorm. Tomorrow, you would be skipping school to get a few of your belongings for the time you would be spending here. But for now, you would sleep in the clothes you came in with.

As you lay on the sofa with your eyes closed, you imagined someplace where everything would feel right for once in your life.

It was only a dream, but you cherished it, holding onto it as though it was an anchor, keeping you stable and in place.

Then at once, the worries of tomorrow and onward disappeared.

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 3: Melancholy

The MC has their first heartbreak after weeks of freezing out their friends, and drama ensues.

[This chapter contains scenes depicting mental health issues such as anxiety and anxiety attacks, so read at your own risk. And don’t hesitate to write constructive criticism or point out any mistakes, thank you <3]

“MC!” You gasped, sitting yourself up. Mammon loomed over you, with a hand outstretched to shake you. You stared at him, not knowing what to do.

You just woke up, having fallen asleep on the couch the minute you got home from school. Absolutely exhausted, you had lay down on the couch and used your bag as a pillow, snoozing soundly.

You tried your hardest to shift yourself away from everyone. That meant walking away when they tried to initiate a conversation with you, ignoring messages, calls or whatever and eating somewhere else during lunch- a whole list. They were really invested in you, and you were exhausted.

Struggling to see due to the intense light, you rubbed your eyes. Mammon was already dressed in his usual clothes with his signature tan jacket. It was pretty, and made him look even more like a model.

You pulled into your collar a bit, feeling awkward to be caught like this. You grabbed your bag and muttered out “Sorry.”, before getting up and turning away, trying to keep your distance.

You felt bad for ignoring him, as Mammon never hurt you once. He held you in his arms as you died. But you were still afraid of him. You were afraid of his kind, having been murdered by one yourself- his brother, too!

You were afraid of his reaction if he figured it out. You didn’t want to hurt him, yourself, or even Belphegor. He had calmed down in the recent weeks, but you could never forget the way you’d died by his hand.

Mammon, not having any of your attitude, pulled you by your arm and brought you back to him.

”Hey, MC! Where do ya think you’re going!?” He talk-yelled, clearly agitated at your cold attitude. He twisted you to face him, not noticing your anxious expression.

”I thought we were friends? I thought I was your first man! Why would you- why would you ignore me like this..!” His voice cracked, almost as if he was going to shatter.

You panicked, not knowing what to say. You didn’t know what to expect from him, but you couldn’t expect anything less than this. He was hurt, and you could tell it from miles away.

Mammon was a kind, sweet individual despite how idiotic he could be. But you didn’t know the extent of his power, with him being the second oldest sibling. You had witnessed Lucifer and Belphegor using their powers, and didn’t want to think about how powerful Mammon would be. It must take a lot for him to snap, seeing how patient he was with the insults he would get from his brothers.

You felt bad for him, but didn’t want to let your guard down. You didn’t want to be betrayed or hurt again. You didn’t want to feel anything at all for the rest of the year until you got to go home.

“MC! Say something, please-! I can’t help you if you won’t tell me. I don’t want you to ignore me anymore, MC, please!” His eyes became glossy and small droplets of tears escaped his eyes.

You felt like crying yourself, too. You didn’t want it go this far. It hurt to see the way his cheeks went red and his eyes swell up with tears.

He was beautiful, nonetheless. Crying, or not crying. But you remembered how deceiving his younger brother was, trying to convince you into believing he was a human. You knew he wasn’t telling the truth, but you still trusted him. You helped him escape. But in the end, he betrayed you anyways.

He murdered you, and left you to die, alone and scared. Even if you made a pact, you didn’t want to use it as way of controlling them. They’re not puppets, they have feelings too, and pacts go way deeper than just a form of control. You didn’t want to disrespect them in that way.

And that’s why you just shut down. You ran away from your friends, you ran away from yourself, you ran away from everything. You had changed too much. The other you felt like a lie. You were ashamed of yourself, and would forever be reminded of that.

You pulled him off you and walked away, ignoring his plea for you to not go. It hurt you, but it was better this way, wasn’t it? A human lifespan can not even compare to that of a demon. Better you distance yourself now then later.

He still begged you to stay, yet you continued to ignore him, sealing yourself away.

———————————————————————

The afternoon was, to say the least, silent. No one spoke a word, and even Asmo who would usually be chattering was quiet, unspeaking. The atmosphere was cold and tense, you could feel it radiating from them, including yourself.

Nothing could be heard except the clattering of cutlery and Beel practically inhaling his food. It was funny, seeing him like that. Oblivious to the awkwardness of today’s dinner.

Mammon sat in his seat, gloomy and depressed. He wouldn’t eat his food, he would just play with it and take small, practically nonexistent bites. You could feel his gaze on you when you weren’t looking.

You remembered the shock and surprise of everyone when they witnessed the “argument” you and Mammon had. They tried to stop you from leaving, with Beel grabbing your hand and Lucifer practically bombarding Mammon with questions.

They tried to get an answer out of you, but you ignored them, looking the other way.

Finally, they left you alone, unsure of which side to take if there was any. They were worried for you after weeks of your coldness, but they didn’t have it in them to trace it back to Belphegor. They thought you would get over it, seeing that you were alive now, anyway.

It was all too overwhelming that you lost yourself for a bit, and forgot how to feel. You were gone, numb. Any gossip, questions or whatever just bounced off you. It was all so dull.

You excused yourself early and allowed Beel to eat your leftovers, not feeling quite hungry yourself. Their gazes fell on you as you left, and then they went back to their own business.

You sat in your room, feeling quite sad and tired with everything. Nothing felt right anymore, and it made you nervous. But your room cheered you up a bit. It was beautiful and colourful, the complete opposite of you. The plants growing on your walls and the tree made you feel nostalgic, reminding you of the human world.

A knock on your door shook you out of your thoughts and you turned your head toward it. “Come in.” You said, wearily and confused.

Lucifer came in, looking more worried than stern. You stared at him, confused as to what to do. He wouldn’t usually come into your room like this, or at all, really. He was always busy with the work he was assigned, usually disappearing into his room.

”MC, I have something I wish to speak to you about, regarding the last few weeks.” He oddly spoke, observing you.

”Oh.” You muttered out, unsure as to what to say. He sat next to you on your bed, about to continue.

”I understand something may be bothering you to have made you act as how you are now. And I would like it for you to explain it to me.” His gaze fell on you, and his voice unusually soft.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, his gloved hand soothing your bare skin. “MC, has any of the lower demons been bothering you? Or Mammon, like today? What is going on, MC?”

You looked at your clenched hands on your lap, scared to talk. No matter how nice was trying to be, you still felt on edge, and attacked.

”It’s nothing. I’ll be fine, and tell Mammon I’m sorry.” You murmured quietly, too conflicted and scared to talk anymore.

”MC, you managed to make Mammon cry today, and that alone is not entirely what’s been worrying me. I want to help you, we all do. You do not have to confide in just me if you do not wish to.” He held out a hand to hold yours, but you wouldn’t let him.

”I.. Lucifer-“ You whispered, your eyes darting everywhere and panic rising in your chest.

You threw him off of you and thrashed around hysterically, feeling stressed and frustrated. “Please! Leave me alone, damn it!”

Lucifer got up immediately to calm you down, but you wouldn’t let him, running out of your room and heading towards the front door.

Everyone had apparently heard the commotion in your room and collectively got together to see what was going on. But they didn’t have the reflexes to catch you as you hastened outside.

”MC!” Lucifer yelled, shocked at your sudden outburst.

Bur you didn’t listen, you didn’t even wait to put on your shoes before you ran out of the House of Lamentation. You ran, and ran until you were a good few miles away from there. Your feet hurt, but you were glad that you wore socks. At least they wouldn’t be dirty.

The wind blew and you shivered, regretting not at least grabbing a jacket. You heard telling dad bwhind, and hurriedly speed walked yourself further, trying to get yourself lost.

It was evening and dark, so not many people were outside. You wandered around, alone and cold. It was better than being put on the spot like that.

The wind blew and goosebumps appeared on your skin, the cold intensifying.

It was entirely deserted and you were glad for that. You would be by yourself, just the way you liked it.

You sat down on a bench, pulling out your phone. You had multiple missed calls from everyone and a whole bunch of texts. Especially from Levi- he was still spamming your phone with his texts.

You shut it off and placed it back in your pocket, leaning forward with your arms on your knees to stare at the place around you.

It was darker than it usually was in the Devildom, with everything being barely visible. It was scarily quieter than usual, not even the Devildom birds were chirping.

The only thing that could be heard was the sound of the water from the ponds, looking eerily shiny. Then you noticed a darkened figure creeping up behind your own reflection.

You felt something, or someone, behind you. The hair on the back of your neck stood up, and you froze, worried you were caught.

Then you felt a hand on your shoulder.

”Hello, MC.”

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 2: Silence

The MC has a rough day, and finds comfort in a certain individual.

[Nothing much to say here, except thank you for reading, and don’t hesitate writing any constructive criticism to me or pointing out mistakes, ily all <3]

Morning arrives, and your eyes still barely open from the exhaustion of last night. You wished you had never woken up, far too tired for the day ahead.

You can tell it is early in the morning- just before 6 am. There is no sun in the Devildom, and so you have had to adjust your internal clock to the eternal darkness of this world.

No light creeps into your room to remind you that there is a new start to another day. That the past belongs in the past- yet your mind just can not correspond with that. It feels like everyday is the same.

It is eternal and infinite, yet you are mortal and weak. Despite possessing pacts with the most strongest rulers of the Devildom, you wield no strength. You possess no magical power. You’re useless.

If a demon wished to devour you right this very second, you would be gone. There is no power within you to perform any spells, and so you are defenceless.

Already in a depressive state, you will your weary bones to move. In order to avoid your housemates, you would need an extremely early start to the day. Meaning, now.

You freshen up in the bathroom, noticing your horrible features on your face. Your skin is pale and hollow, dark circles have comfortably edged themselves under your eyes, your eyes are hollow and lifeless and your hair thin and dead. You look like a zombie.

Your RAD uniform is crumpled and messy from having thrown it on the floor the day before, not giving a single care for it in the world.

You quietly walk to the kitchen, with your school necessities and belongings in your bag that has been slumped over your shoulder. You grab a small carton of yoghurt to eat and walked to the door, making sure to be quiet so as to not wake any of them up or alert them.

There are barely any students by the time you get to school, but they are almost always the nicer demons, the over achievers of the school. As they say, the early bird catches the worm.

You walked to the courtyard, where many beautiful plants and wildflowers resided, making it a truly wonderful and bright place in RAD. You sat down on one of the benches and took out your yoghurt, peeling the plastic off.

Someone tapped your shoulder from next to you. The white hair gave it away immediately; Solomon.

”Hello, MC. You’re quite early, today.” He greeted you with a lovely smile, but you could tell something was going on if you looked deeper into his eyes. He held onto a secret of some sorts.

”Hey.” You responded, nervous and flustered at the same time. You two didn’t talk often, despite being the only two human exchange students in the Devildom. He was very handsome and you would find yourself staring at him during class, enraptured.

He was also a very powerful sorcerer, having made pacts with more than 72 demons- Asmodeus included.

But he was nice, and hadn’t hurt you at all. Well, yet. You hoped he wouldn’t, you actually liked him.

”You look tired today. Had a rough night?” He observed you closely, his eyes still looking around your face as you slowly went red.

”I-uh, you could say that. I woke up sort of early and couldn’t sleep.” It wasn’t a total lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either.

”Huh, alright.” He was still smiling at you, his lips perfectly complimenting his beautifully sinister face.

Your cheeks reddened and you turned away, choking the rest of the yoghurt down. You were feeling way too nervous for your liking- you felt as though you were supposed to act a certain way around him.

You breathed in slowly. “Uh, I need to get to class now.” You adjusted your bag on your shoulders and stood up to walk away, when he called out behind you.

”Have a nice day, MC.” You didn’t look back, but responded. “You too.”

For the rest of the day, you spent your time avoiding everyone, especially Mammon. You knew he would be extremely pissed at you, but you didn’t care. Today was not a good day.

As cute and clingy as he was, you just needed to get away from everyone- you really did. You could understand why Lucifer was frustrated at them half the time- they can be quite a handful.

As the day ended, you were in your last class, the Devildom history. You only had Satan, Asmo and Solomon with you in this class. They sat away from you, but you could hear Asmo’s whispering from miles away. He was being seriously loud.

“You know what happened today? I tried talking to MC, and they literally ghosted me! I think there’s something up!”

Satan agreed with him, “You’re right. Mammon wouldn’t stop complaining today about how he couldn’t find MC.”

Solomon didn’t talk, but you could feel his stare from your spot in the class. You could almost hear his thoughts from how hard he was staring at you.

When the class ended, you packed up as fast as you could and almost ran from how fast you were, you didn’t want to talk to anyone at all.

You could hear Asmo and Satan yelling behind you, but you ignored them and ran away. You didn’t want to answer any of their questions, you don’t want to talk to them.

Your outburst yesterday with Belphegor made you wary of everyone else. You were worried if he had told them what happened, and then they would want to talk to you about it.

You didn’t want to talk about your feelings, you would break if you did. It scared you witless, it terrified you. You didn’t wanna ruin their relationship with Belphegor or you. You didn’t want to be selfish and hurt them with your stupid fear.

The minute you ran into the house, you could tell it was empty. There were no shoes lying around, and nobody was arguing. Perfect, you were by yourself, and there would be no one to bother you.

You kicked off your shoes and got to your room. You locked your door, put away your bag and slithered onto your bed, not having taken off your uniform. God, you were tired.

You wrapped the blankets around you and eased into the mattress. This way, you would feel better. You wouldn’t feel as bad as you usually did, you would feel great when asleep, you were able to finally escape from your wretched world. The world soon became indecipherable, indifferent.

You zoned out and fell asleep.

You woke up to the sound of chattering, laughter and arguing close by. The light creeped in from under your door and ended right at your face. Your room was extremely dark, a change from when you first got home.

You were still groggy and tired, but if you slept any longer then you wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night.

You were feeling pretty lonely, but to be honest? It may just be better this way. You wouldn’t feel hurt when the program ended and you had to go home, and you wouldn’t ruin a relationship that could last for thousand of more years.

You didn’t leave your room, but you kept your door locked and turned on the light. You decided you would pass the time playing Mononoke Land, a game that Levi introduced to you a while back.

It was quite interesting, and the time passed by quickly, but only by an hour. It was about 6 pm, so you still had a lot of time before you would need to sleep.

You felt jealous of everyone sitting in the living room, enjoying their evening. Asmo was probably painting his nails, Satan could be trying to read a book despite Mammon’s blabbering.

You snickered a bit at the thought of Mammon being yelled at by Satan while Beel ate in the background, and Belphegor-

Oh. Belphegor would be napping, like always. You were jealous of that, as scared you were of him. You wanted the ability to sleep at any time you wanted to, despite the setting or time. It would be really convenient for right about now.

You could feel yourself getting sadder by the moment, but you didn’t know how to deal with it. You were lonely and scared, but you didn’t know where to turn to.

A ping from your DDD shook you from your thoughts.

Solomon- Hello, MC, do you have a minute?

MC- Uh, yeah. Why?

Solomon- You left something behind at school and I forgot about it until now. I have your notebook with me, you forgot it at history.

MC - OH, shoot. Should I wait for you tomorrow or come now? It’s only 6 pm.

Solomon - The Devildom can be quite deceiving when it comes to the seasons, but it’s winter right now, and it’s dark. Don’t worry, I’ll be at the house of Lamentation soon. I wouldn’t want you to have your soul eaten.

You felt your cheeks turn red, he didn’t want you to get hurt.

MC - Thank you, Solomon, I’ll be waiting. Text me first, don’t ring the doorbell.

Solomon - Got it.

You shut off your phone and stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, wondering about Solomon. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all, not that you thought he was. After all, he cared for you enough to not risk you getting hurt. How sweet of him.

You messed around on your phone for a bit while waiting for Solomon. You hanged around in your room idly, doing nothing in particular. You then got a notification from your phone. As it turned out, that new feature where you can look at other group chats that you’re not in got activated again.

In the group chat, there was a picture of Mammon on the front page news of Majolish, a fashion magazine. He was modelling again.

Asmo rambled on about him, surprised that his ‘scummy’ older brother got into the first page of Majolish. Honestly, snooping on them was kind of fun. You’ve probably got more than dozens of blackmail from this feature.

Solomon- MC, I’m here.

MC - I’ll be out soon.

You wrapped yourself in a jacket, still in your uniform. You would have to wash that soon, you probably sweat a lot in it.

You tried your best to avoid everyone, making yourself as quiet as a mouse, you hoped. The floors creaked slightly, but they were all probably too preoccupied to notice.

You got to the front door and silently opened it, seeing Solomon outside. He was wearing his casual clothes, but still had that same look on his face. Handsome, too.

”Hello, MC.” He took your notebook out of his pocket and held it in front of you, with his arm stretched. You reached out to grab it, but he snatched it away and looked at you smugly.

”Let’s have a little chat, first. You owe me, don’t you?”

You dumbly stood there, gaping at him. Of course- this was Solomon we were falling about. He’s as sketchy as it could get.

”Oh- fine!” You said, trying your best not to sound pissed.

You put on your school shoes and walked out the door, making sure to close it quietly. Solomon walked with you, not saying a word but you could guess your notebook was still in his pocket.

You sighed, “Look, Solomon, if you’re not going to give it back to me, then can I just go back home? I’m tired.”

He looked at you with a side glance. “I could tell. You’re still in your uniform.” Pausing for a second, he continued. “Why were you acting weird today? I wouldn’t have expected our dear MC to run off like that. So I assumed that something must be up.”

You looked at the ground, clenching your hands in your pockets and keeping your eyes off him. “What’s it to you?”

He stopped walking, and so did you. He chucked, “As a fellow human exchange student, I only want the best for you.” He took your notebook out of his pocket, placing it in your hands. “If you ever find yourself in need, I will be there, no matter the scenario.”

He pat your head, then walked off, calling behind him. “Good evening, MC.”

You stared at his back, confused. He has never been this close to you, why now? You glanced down at your notebook, where he seemed to have placed a little ripped note on it.

Tear-rible mistake on your behalf, leaving your notes behind.

-Solomon :)

It was a horrible pun, really, but that didn’t stop you from laughing out loud in the middle of the street, facepalming yourself. You turned and walked back to the House of Lamentation, trying to contain yourself.

Seeing the house in your view calmed you down a little, and you knew you had to be quiet to avoid Lucifer’s wrath. He could have probably heard you laughing from miles away if he tried hard enough.

You walked up the door and slowly opened it, wincing a little when your shoes scraped the carpet, leaving a little scuff mark. But he was an extreme perfectionist. He would notice that right away.

Panicking, you half ran to your room and locked it, sliding down the door in disbelief and relief. You really needed to find a better way to sneak out.

Your phone buzzed at the same time you thought it, almost as if in agreement.

[hellisheuphoria]

Chapter 1: Recluse.

In which the MC relives the memory of their death every night since it happened, followed by confusion of their feelings towards Belphegor and his brothers- and whether or not they will truly get over their hiraeth.

[I’m on mobile, so I apologise for weird formatting. Also, this chapter itself contains scenes depicting violence and trauma, so read at your own risk <3. I’m sorry for any mistakes, and I’ve also written this on my AO3, my username is ‘impendingcorruption’.]

”To think that I’d be saved by a human...!”

Belphegor snickered, a sort of amusement flowing through him at the thought of being rescued by you, a mere human.

He laughed again, practically drowning in his joy. “It really is ironic!” You shifted slightly, uncomfortable in his sudden happiness, which was rather quite suspicious.

He stopped and turned to you, his attention focused on you solely. Revisiting it now, it may have been the look of a predator looking down upon their prey.

”In any event, MC, all I can do is thank you.” He smiled brighter, “Now I can finally achieve what I set out to do!”

Then he opened his arms wide, signalling you for a hug. That very action diminished any flame of suspicion or doubt you had on him- a decision that you would soon come to regret.

Happily enough, you accepted his hug- feeling absolutely content and prideful at the fact that you had managed to let him out of the attic- whether it was really you or not.

He then sighed, his chin on your shoulder. “Ah... this really brings back memories. This feeling...” His body then went rigid slightly, as though he attempted to keep a sort of coldness to him. “I wonder how long it’s been since I’ve touched a human?”

The air shifted dramatically, your brain slowly gearing into fight or flight mode.

”So, MC...”

His attire changed completely. The air turned cold and frosty, replicating the aura coming off of him as he suddenly let go of you, slightly pushing you back- away from him. You cowered slightly at his dramatic change of personality.

His form shifted, horns protruded out of his head and his clothes resembled those of a cow, with a gold horseshoe on his right side and a cow design sporting his left. A tail violently blew behind him, as though he was ready to attack and agitated.

“...How can I express how I’m feeling right now? What can I do?” He looked at you with a look so cold that you swore you would have just froze over.

Then once again, he changed. He switched personalities. He laughed like a madman, like a sociopath- like someone who relished the look of you in fear, cowering and shaking. But he was, he definitely was. You could see it in his eyes, damn it.

And then, you were pinned to the wall, with one of his hands holding you in place by your throat, your toes barely touching the ground. A black, misty sort of aura became oh so visible around him, making itself violently clear to you.

“You humans really are foolish, idiotic, weak creatures, aren’t you?” His head shook in a sort of disapproval, but you could tell he enjoyed it. He loved this feeling of empowerment. The air no longer reached your lungs and you feebly attempted to call for help.

“You’re so stupid that I can’t help but laugh. Don’t blame me for tricking you, blame yourself for falling for it.” His eyes because glassy and glazed over, like he wasn’t there anymore.

His claws dug deeply into your throat that you swore you could feel blood in your damn lungs. He gripped harder, only to throw you into the ground like a piece of trash.

Your head hit first, blood dripped from your forehead and breathing was so hard that you were gasping for it, begging in your mind for somebody to save you from this monster.

Your vision glazed over and tears gushed down your cheeks due to your helplessness and fear. You wanted to call for help, but your throat ached so bad that any attempt to talk felt like molten nails were being scraped down your throat.

You raised your head and feebly attempted to crawl away, but Belphegor clamped his shoe on your back and held you down, then he raised his leg and kicked your back hard enough to the point where he either severely bruised you or fractured your spine.

”If you die, the exchange program will be ruined, and Diavolo’s reputation will be in tatters.”

He didn’t consider you a person with feelings, he only considered you a pawn for him to break and cause havoc against the three realms with.

“I hate humans, you see. I hate them more than anything in the three worlds.”

He propped you up against the wall and kneeled in front of you as you moaned in absolute misery and pain. You swore that he was only a few seconds away from breaking your spine and rendering you unable to move.

He gripped your face tightly, his claws digging into your soft skin and copper dripped down your cheeks, mingling with your tears as you waited for him to put an end to you.

His hand wrapped around your shoulder, then smashed it against the wall as your arm lay limp and paralysed.

With both hands on each side of your face, he continued.

”Hehe, does it hurt? Finding it hard to breathe? I’m sure it must feel very unpleasant.”

He smacked the back of your head on the wall, a horrible feeling of liquid made your hair sticky and a strange shade of red.

“I have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this...” He stared at you, a sadistic smile on his lips.

”...Why, it’s so much fun that I can barely stand it! I... I can’t contain the laughter!”

And with his horrible, amused laugh ringing in your ears, you succumbed to a dreamless sleep.

———————————————————————

You woke up with a start, your chest heaving and your heart felt as though it were in pain. It hurt to breathe and tears gushed out like waterworks. It was surprising you didn’t scream as you woke up.

Sobs barely escaped your lips as your body shook with the intensity of your dream- rather, nightmare. There was barely any light peeking in from your bare window so you assumed it was late into the night, probably midnight.

Tear stains were everywhere on your pillow and your bed was rough and tousled. Your hands shook violently as they touched all the parts you were brutally injured with in your dream.

It still felt as though you were choking, even if you really weren’t. The weight of your emotions made your chest feel heavier than it should have, and you pondered if putting up a facade for your emotions was really possible at this point.

After you came back to life and you found out about your heritage, all did seem right for a while. Belphegor never really did apologise, but back then you let it go for the sake his brothers. They had only just got him back.

But in the back of your mind, you still had a sort of fear of Belphegor brewing in your head. Even if that was a different version of you, you still had those horrible memories.

And a few weeks later, when all had calmed down, the nightmares began. It would all feel so real until you woke up violently and thrashing around, defending yourself from someone that wasn’t there.

Everything had changed, and it hurt. You missed waking up early in the mornings and enjoying breakfast. You missed the happiness and contentment you felt having a life with everyone. With Lucifer too, even though he scared you.

You mourned the loss of your old life, a sort of homesickness becoming ever so stronger in your everyday life.

You hadn’t noticed before, but things were just so much more tiring as of late.

The nightmares had such a toll on you that you just couldn’t wake up on time before. Dark circles positioned themselves under your eyes for what seems like forever. It was bad enough that even Belphegor winced seeing them.

Life felt so much more dreary and not worth it. Breakfast would not stay in your stomach, and you could barely look at Belphegor or even stay in the same room as him.

And yet, nobody noticed or cared. They didn’t care about how you felt from dying at the hands of Belphegor, or how it felt to just watch your other self disappear in Mammon’s arms.

Heck, Beel would probably have no problem with remaining oblivious as long as it meant that he’d have Belphegor back. Everyone seemed like that, too. Lucifer was even getting along with him a bit more than usual.

And you just didn’t have it in your heart to crush that for them. God, no. You loved them way too much.

So you tried to cry as silently as you could, gripping yourself with your head on your knees as you silently cried for the loss of yourself and the misery that became a part of your life from since then. Who were you to ruin that? Certainly not yourself, a mere human. They’d never understand anyway.

Human life spans were only a blip on their radar. They would live for thousands of more years to come, and you would be gone in a matter of decades.

A knock on your door shook you awake from your thoughts.

”Hey, MC? I’m coming in.”

In horror and complete surprise, you lay down on your bed and tried your best to make it look like you were sleeping.

The doorknob turned and a figure came in. Judging by the voice, you recognised him, Belphegor.

Still red eyed, with your nose sniffling and face a mess, you hid as much as you could and pretended to sleep as he came ever so closer to you.

He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder and shook you slightly, “I know you’re not asleep, cut the act.” Your heart lurched as you opened your eyes and could see him standing in front of you.

He was holding his signature pillow, the one with a cow based design on it, and a laptop with a CD.

”MC, if you can’t sleep, do you want to watch a movie with me? I could hear you moving around, even from my room!” He chuckled slightly, a smile on his face. He looked different than how he was from his dream. He looked calmer not, but you were still deathly afraid of him.

Speechless, you shook your head as your body shook from being in such close proximity to him. You didn’t wanna be near him, especially not now.

As cold and as not cold you could be, you replied, ”No, I- I don’t. Please just go, I’m tired.” You could barely push the words out as your voice was raspy and your throat hurt, looking away from him.

His eyes narrowed in observation, “You look like you’ve been crying. Are you okay?” He tried to hold your hand, but then realised just how shaky it was.

”MC, seriously, are you okay?” He tried again, but you snatched your hand away and moved back, as far away from him as you could.

”Just go! Leave me alone!” You sniffled, your eyes darting everywhere but not on him. “I just wanna be alone. I don’t want you here... please.”

He was shocked at your sudden outburst, still standing there in disbelief as he nodded his head and tried to get a better look at you, but all you did was turn away, hiding your face in your hands.

He walked away, still holding his belongings in either hand as he left the room, not speaking a word. He stood outside your door for a second but then walked away. Thank goodness.

But then you realised how awkward it would be when you would have to face him at breakfast tomorrow. And what if he told Beel? Oh no.

You slapped yourself slightly, ashamed of what you had done. You just had to go ahead and ruin it, didn’t you? Now they’ll be asking you if you’re okay, smothering you in affection that you didn’t want.

Scolding yourself, you lay down once more and anxiety built up in your chest as you thought of tomorrow. What if they all start ignoring you because you can’t get along with Belphegor? What if Beel became uncomfortable with you because of Belphegor? What if everyone did?

That would mean that.. that you would have no one. That everyone would leave you behind and you would be forgotten. No friends, no family. And in the devildom, where demons are constantly looking to take your soul, that’s a horrible situation, if you were ever to find yourself in there.

What if you just let them eat you? You wouldn’t be much of a burden or home wrecker as you are now. And they probably wouldn’t even bat an eye. But then again, Lucifer wouldn’t want to have Diavolo’s exchange program ruined. Imagine the atrocity!

The walls felt so much more constricting now, in your room. The air felt hard to breathe and your body refused to listen to you. You were just so... tired from everything.

With a final glance at the time, you closed your eyes. Only a few more hours until you would have school. And that would be all the time you would need to imagine yourself in your original timeline, living a happy life. If only.

The world disappeared, and so did you, clutching onto your dreams as the way out of your own living nightmare.