#thank you to hannah for this hilarious image

[justwritingscibbles]

Just A Thought

Whenever Lightiplier and Angeliceye get startled their feathers puff up to make them look bigger. Becoming massive scared floofs.

It's an automatic response to slowly raise their wings whenever they feel threatened. And they take great amusement in saying nothing as they slowly fan out their wings, watching the uncertainty in other egos faces heighten the more their wings open and fill up the space around them.

@the-wild-ego gave me this idea and I had to share.

[showf4lls]

[ comfort streamers/youtubers ]

sorry for taking so long, i totally talked about this months ago and never did it. anyways, here you go! thank you @beeindaclouds​ for letting me steal this idea from you <3

[btw these aren’t put in any particular order, just to be clear. also shit’s long, so strap in. i can only add 10 pictures bc tumblr’s dumb, so sorry to the people that don’t get pictures rip]

― schlatt

in case y’all couldn’t tell by the amount of content i write for him [/lh], i really admire schlatt. he’s a really big comfort for me, especially with his streams. listening to him talk sincerely - especially about things he genuinely cares about - legitimately helps to calm my anxiety. and his twitter interactions? fucking hilarious. i kind of want him to stream talking about finances and investment and that kind of stuff just to be able to listen to his voice; it would really settle my nerves. in short, schlatt [especially when he’s being genuine] is a godsend.

disclaimer: i recognize that he’s said some pretty fucked up stuff in the past. not only do i see growth in him [as slow as it may be], i also believe in critical content consumption [meaning that you can enjoy someone’s content without supporting the actual person]. if you don’t believe in critical content consumption, you’re weird for that.

― ted nivison

the milk man! he’s just fucking hilarious and soft, and i relate to him a lot. he’s super intelligent and creative - like,,, who else would’ve thought to make a video about the history of pizza?? ngl mans had me believing him for a minute. his tiktoks are so relatable! and he’s the best kind of funny - the kind of funny where you don’t understand exactly why it’s funny, it just kind of is. and he’s the perfect kind of dad friend. his cooking videos are probably my favorite - it’s just comforting and reassuring to watch him being so dedicated to the process. also he’s a filmmaker like me, so he automatically gets brownie points for that /lh

― charlie slimecicle

when minecraft started making it’s comeback around 2019, i think charlie was the first mcyt that i watched and, through him, i found schlatt! i mostly started by watching his “minecraft, but” series and his minecraft vr series [both of which are fucking hilarious and you should totally check those out if you haven’t already] and it was a downward spiral from there lmao. i’ve been obsessed ever since honestly, and he really has my heart in a chokehold in that he seems to genuinely enjoy everything he has a part in.

― ranboo

this guy [/pos]. he’s so fucking funny, dude, and it’s just been so comforting watching all the growth from him. watching his streams reminds me to quit taking things so seriously - that it might be worth rethinking and restructuring the way you do things if it’s keeping you from having a good time. his voice in general is really comforting - definitely another guy that helps settle my nerves regardless of what he’s playing. when i’m having really bad nights i’ll go back to old vods of him mining on the dream smp and saying encouraging stuff to his viewers. my ranboo hoodie is my comfort object, so if that tells you anything /lh

― technoblade

techno, at least for me, is comforting in that he’s really familiar and i don’t have to exert a whole lot of energy trying to interpret the exact meaning [as a neurodivergent person] behind what he’s saying. where wilbur mostly implies what he means by saying certain things, techno usually means exactly what he says, and if he doesn’t, it’s usually pretty obvious [this all excludes lore stuff lol]. it doesn’t take me a whole lot of brain power to figure out his intentions, so it’s cool to watch someone that i don’t have to expend a whole lot of brain power on. in addition to that, his voice is hella comforting, and he’s really fucking smart. i could listen to him infodump for hours /srs

― philza

bird man! i find a lot of comfort in his hardcore series because it’s pretty chill content for the most part, and it’s fun to just watch him run around his hardcore world and get things done, especially when he works on flowerfall. mans likes to work with colors, which i can appreciate as an individual with Dog Brain Syndrome [/lh]. colors give the sarah tonin, so it’s super satisfying for me to sit there and watch him run around through his builds while i’m eating my breakfast. all of this, and he’s really good background noise for when i’m studying or doing homework.

― wilbur soot

very very calming voice. super intelligent and sure of himself. his creativity and talent leave me speechless. a jack of all trades. mans can write, sing, play instruments, act - it’s unfair, really. AND he’s respectul. i like listening to his calmer streams because, again, his voice is so comforting to me. and the things he knows about - they’re all so obscure and cool. i just really like watching him in action; as a person, he’s just so cool to me

― tommy innit

little chaos bean - very good for me to put my energy into a chaotic stream. it’s fun, watching him get himself into trouble. his vlogs specifically - just watching him go through with his shenanigans is really cool to me - he just comes up with the most creative things to do, granted most of them have definitely been done before. and the way he edits his videos? it just scratches my brain just right.

― quackity

i feel like Q not only makes light of every situation, but he keeps it real at the same time. i appreciate him being honest with his viewers and those of which ask for advice and stuff. he’s super talented and kind, and humble about it. and i really like that he’s not the type of guy that you’d guess to be a law student, yet he is. and it’s really admirable that he’s true to his culture and he doesn’t shy away from it just because he’s a big creator. i’m mexican, so it’s really reassuring to find a big content creator that i can relate to like that. and i can’t speak spanish very well, BUT HIS SPANISH STREAMS???? it’s really comforting to find a content creator that will do full length streams in spanish. even if i can’t speak spanish that well, it’s really comforting to listen to a cc that i really admire speak the language that most of my relatives speak, especially since my university has a really small bipoc population. just,,, mega comfort. listening to his chill, late night streams last semester got me through finals.

― mumbo jumbo

he’s just a silly, goofy guy! and a total sweetheart. humble as fuck and doesn’t give himself enough credit. also the growth in his building capabilities and confidence?? incredible! i admire him so much and i really hope that i can grow to understand redstone the way he does one day! he’s another filmmaker, like me! and his work is incredible!! and he’s all over the place with what he’s done and what he wants to do in the future, just like i probably will. he gave me the confidence i needed in order to officially change my major to creative media and independent filmmaking, which i will be forever grateful for.

― bajan canadian

this man - i’ve been watching his videos since before i started playing minecraft [which is roughly 10 years]. his old bits, his hunger games series, his cops and robbers videos - they’re all overwhelmingly nostalgic to me. fun fact: mitch is probably the first mcyt i ever watched [actually this makes a lot of sense bc i was a Literal Fetus when i found him /lh], and he was probably my window into minecraft content on youtube. 

― cscoop

critical content consumption, my beloved /hj. i found cooper through The Lunch Club back in 2019 [which i found through schlatt and charlie] and just kind of fell in love with him? [/PLAT] he’s a pretty chill stoner that does what he wants, doesn’t take shit from anybody, and skateboards - pretty much everything i aspire to be. he says some pretty questionable things on his cscoopVEVO channel, but his vlog-style videos are really comforting for me. the way he edits them is really satisfying, and it’s cool to watch him just do his thing, because most of it is stuff that i want to be doing lmao

― ash kabosu

lovejoy man /lh. super chill - most everything about him is a vibe i want to absorb into myself. all the lovejoy guys are super fucking talented and their vibes are all immaculate, especially ash’s. i really enjoy his monthly vlogs - again, i really like the way he edits them and how they’re really just observations of things that are happening in his life instead of “hi hey hello so today we’re going to be doing this.” it’s really interesting to see how he frames them and almost keeps himself outside of them. idk from a filmmaking perspective i think they’re really cool :>

― captain sparklez

another dude that i’ve been watching since forever. jordan has always been my go-to for guaranteed comfort and nostalgia, so seeing his video with wilbur was really interesting for my brain. as a kid, i really enjoyed watching his modded playthroughs, and i often finding myself gravitating back to those as an adult. he has dad humor and is just overall a sweetheart, and watching a man so comfortable in his masculinity that he can’t really be bothered to care about how others perceive him? mega comfort. singlehandedly helping me rebuild my trust in men. 10/10 recommend.

― sneegsnag

I ALMOST FORGOT SNEEG. he’s fucking hilarious and, for whatever reason, my brain will actually interpret his really dry humor. his intelligent and analytical and has a plan for almost everything. he keeps a level head in almost every situation and doesn’t take shit from anyone, and he stands up to people and educates them when they’ve said something really shitty. i really enjoy his true crime analyses and his origins content because my brain understands it, but i like his variety content a lot as well! [image including his beautiful partner hannah, bc she’s great and i love her]

[getouisms]

[ - 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒

𝐂𝐇 𝟎𝟓 - Loud Laughs

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: Y/n, a 22 year old successful model is tired of the tabloids shaming her about her dating status when she’s seen out with her friends. Unsure of what to do to stop the gossip, Oikawa suggests a fake boyfriend. Fortunately, Kenma knows the perfect person who’d go for an idea as stupid as that one.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 … 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 … 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 

“You’re being stupid,” you whisper to your reflection, watching your hands shake from nerves.

It’s stupid to be so nervous after spending almost the entire day with Kuroo yesterday and feeling so relaxed. Is it because you’re going to be one on one with him? Kenma was there yesterday, easing most of the tension if there was any. A soft sigh left your lips as you walked away going to your bedroom, deciding to at least be in a comfortable spot for this phone call.

He didn’t have to call; you mull over as you lie down. You don’t call to talk to your friends about their day often unless it’s a bad one. He’s probably nicer and calls his friends. A smile finds its way to your lips upon thinking that maybe he’s only nice like this with you. You wipe that away quickly, shrugging the thought off and dismissing it. He is just a friend, and you have no business getting into anything like that, anyway.

The phone vibrating against the soft comforter interrupts your train of thought. Swallowing the lump of nervousness, you pick it up and accept the call.

“Hello,” you start, voice laced with a thin veil of nervousness.

“Hey,” Kuroo’s voice sounds deeper on the phone, but he sounds relaxed, tired even.

It took his voice to wash over you for you to relax. Reminding yourself that no, it wasn’t Kenma that made you feel so comfortable, but Kuroo who made you feel relaxed. Any nervousness went out the window when he almost snorted Sprite out his nostrils.

“How was work? You sound tired,” you comment, smiling as he chuckles; laying back against the mattress.

“God, it was good but tiring. I want to hear about your work instead,” he asks, making you hum out faintly as you look over your nails.

“There isn’t a lot to it, really. I have a gig tomorrow, which consists of taking pictures and following pose guidelines. The rest of it is maintaining brand deals or updating my portfolio, auditions, socializing with fans, always looking marketable pretty much,” you conclude. A thoughtful hum fills your ear from the other side.

“Does the drama prevent you from appearing marketable?” Kuroo asks, and you can’t help but note the genuine curiosity in his tone.

It’s not like no one has taken an interest in your profession, but it is the first time someone’s cared enough to ask questions. Or appear genuinely interested besides seeing you model or asking if any other models are single. It’s pleasurable to have someone ask you about the in’s and out’s of your job.

“Not really? It is embarrassing when people I work with are dragged into it, but they understand, it’s not their first rodeo with a model. It’s a personal annoyance above anything else,” you mumble, sighing out quietly but feel a small smile returning once his warm laugh fills the microphone.

“Why are you laughing?” your smile turned into a laugh as you ask.

“I just got the mental image of a rumor about you and Kenma dating,” his laughs wheeze as they break up his sentence.

You already know he has a loud laugh that people could perceive as obnoxious, but his laugh only encouraged your own. It’s nice to laugh alongside him, plus he says nothing about your own loud laugh. He couldn’t say anything really, he sounded a little demonic if it was a laugh from the gut you’ve noticed.

“Oh my god, he’d stop being my friend for sure,” You laugh alongside him.

Your laughter continues for a few more moments, but when it quiets down, it isn’t awkward on either end. Your stifled laughter fills the call with little small giggles as you go back and forth telling one another to cut it out. Your laugh makes him laugh, you’ve noticed. When his laugh cools down, and you laugh, his laughter starts right back up again.

It took you both a few extra minutes to get yourselves together, but eventually, the stifled laughter turned into silence. A comfortable silence, and finally, Kuroo clears his throat with a relieved sigh.

“I thought my stomach was going to fall out from how funny that was,” He comments, making you giggle softly.

“Kenma’s hilarious, that’d be a funny situation for him. How long have you guys been friends?” You ask since Kenma didn’t tell you much besides playing volleyball back in high school.

“Since middle school. I didn’t really leave him alone, but he’s the person I can count on for anything. Hopefully, he knows it’s the same in return,” Kuroo mumbles, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

You’re nodding along, forgetting he can’t see you, which makes your hand slap across your forehead; a small wince spreading across your face.

“I can’t believe we haven’t been introduced,” you smoothly deliver, but you can hear the faint chuckle on the other line when the slap reverberates through the microphone. If he heard it, he won’t say anything.

“He’s a private guy, I didn’t even know he was friends with you. Bokuto almost passed out since you’re his favorite model,” Kuroo chuckles out, making you laugh softly.

“Atsumu is on his team, I can’t believe he didn’t tell Bokuto we were friends either. I’d like to meet your friends sometime,” your voice comes out hopeful, a hum of agreement emits.

“You can meet them anytime. How about your friends? I need details on Kenma’s secret life,” Kuroo’s voice raises out of intrigue, making you playfully roll your eyes with a growing smile.

“I met Kenma by tweeting that I really liked his stream, and he thanked me for the support, and I guess I grew on him. Tendou I’ve known since we were kids, our moms are friends, he’s that friend you can make peace signs with and cry taking selfies,” Kuroo’s laughter makes you pause, a faint flutter of your heart has you skipping a beat, “Oikawa and I met at a networking event. His agent wanted him to model my agent was trying to market me, and we both ended up meeting and hitting it off. Atsumu actually slid into my DMs to ask me on a date, I rejected him but we became great friends,” you finish, smiling at his faint laughter.

“I admire the guy for staying your friend after being rejected. They sound cool, I’d like to meet Kenma’s double life friends. He’s like Hannah Montana, I feel like Lily when she found out,” he sounds remorseful, voice wavering to not laugh at his own joke, but thankfully your laugh covered it.

“You can meet Kenma’s secret organization of friends. They’re all amazing, I just have to give Atsumu a stern talking-to since he can be an asshole sometimes,” you mention, voice soft.

“Protective asshole or just an asshole? He can’t be as bad as Kenma,” Kuroo jokes, it doesn’t fall flat on you.

“Protective. He’s smelly, but he’s one of my most cherished friends,” your voice is soft still, Kuroo matches it.

“I know we called to talk about our day, but I’m glad Kenma introduced me to you. Talking to you is relaxing,” he pauses, you feel your cheeks heat, “it was crazy in the office today so you took the edge off if that makes much sense,” he finishes.

“It makes sense, I’m glad Kenma introduced me to you too,” you agree.

“Awesome, talking to you saves me time from listening to Boyfriend by Big Time Rush for some stress relief,” he sighs out, as if genuinely relieved.

You didn’t know, but he grins on the other side of the phone upon hearing your loud laugh.

𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭: Kuroo told Y/n one chemistry joke, don’t believe atoms they make up everything, and she did laugh. 

𝐚/𝐧: Greetings!! So this was a fun write, don’t be shy send me asks and let me know your thoughts! I love reading all your comments it’s so fun thank you guys for reading!! 

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 [𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃]: @tepescelsius​ @elianetsantana​ @honeymoneyy​ @a-wannabeweeb​ @oceanblooming​ @princeabomination​ @kagebunshiin​ @tadashi-simp​ @unicorngluttony​ @tamaguchi​ @sunflowerirl​ @snowsmuse​ @cherrytiara​ @tsukkisbean​ @iwaizoom​ @aegeanblues​ @angyboibakugo​ @manic-punker​ @miyayassy​ @kozumecuddles​ @starry-magicshop​ @agaashesmilktea​ @amarillyis​ @saturnfarie​ @yamaita​ @ptv-hades​ @runningwitches​ @missalienqueen​ @fo-love​ @shiningstar-byulxx​ @appleciderslut​ @amberisnotcrazy​ @drizzlenfizzle002 @satorisupremacy​ @vicassa​ @angrylittleriri​ @vyisa​ @boosyboo9206​ @skylarkalchemist​ @yeahhemmings-​ @akaashikeijisthighs​ @bellesowl​ @yakus-yakult​ @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye​ @heyyourecute​ @fi16ns​ @yuuuumiiin​ @carpecaelo​ @awkwardly-anxious-latte​ @crybabbicus​ @felix-issimus​ 

continued in comments

[skeltonjunction]

《 I am the terror at the heart of this country. 》

TELL ME I’M WORTHLESS by Alison Rumfitt, Cipher Press

Behind you. Don’t look! There is something coming, rising up out of the ground, incomprehensibly horrible, unimaginable, unfaceable. If you look, you will be so paralysed by fear it will eat you alive. Just keep moving. Don’t look! If you look, you will find out there is nothing there at all and you made it all up in your head, and everyone will scorn you for being so wrapped up in yourself, convinced that every little thing is out to get you. Don’t be silly. But still, keep moving. Don’t look! If you look, you will realise that it was always going to come for you, its allure will be overpowering and it will rush into you and you will be unrecoverable in its embrace. Just keep moving and don’t look.

TELL ME I’M WORTHLESS is a story about a haunted house, a country so rotten to its very foundations that the only reason it has managed to stay upright is the complete unwillingness of anybody to go and poke around inside. There are three girls in this book: Alice, who is transgender and sells videos of herself cleaning to strangers online, Ila, who is a TERF and thinks maybe the gender-critical movement only wants her because she isn’t white like the rest of them, and Hannah, who is dead. Their lives intersect and pull apart in an upstairs room of a haunted house.

More ↓

A while back I listened to part of a podcast series on folk horror, in which the host wouldn't stop asking his guests "Is folk horror inherently British?" (with a tone that would strongly imply he wanted them to say Yes). I thought I had my own answer to it, but then TELL ME I'M WORTHLESS screwed that question up into a tight ball and threw it directly into the sun.

This book was... not reassuring, and I don’t want to say validating, but the terror it invoked is familiar – it traced over the well-worn paths of anxiety in my mind and defined them, clarified my fear a little. This book perfectly illustrates exactly how it feels to live here, right now. Half of me thought “Oh, thank god I’m not the only one, I’m not mad,” and the other half thought “Oh god, I’m not the only one and I’m not just mad.” It is chilling, intense, graphic, captivating, and at times utterly hilarious. There was a point at which I was afraid to pick it up and keep reading because I was scared of what I might find within the pages.

This book contains: A TERF meeting, three full pages of German-to-English Google-translated sadomaso ABDL-fetish sissy latex maid torture porn, a Mumsnet forum, the “These days...” quote, Twitter discourse, and the racist ghost of Morrissey. It also comes with a content warning, which I think is a good choice, because even with that in mind I wasn’t prepared for quite how graphic this story was going to get.

It’s explicit, gruesome, and in-your-face, but simultaneously incredibly subtle and layered. Every sentence about one thing is still about at least three things, something I appreciated even more on the second read. A fantastic exploration of online fascist radicalisation, trans self-image, activist exploitation, conflict and abuse, and what the hell anybody is supposed to do about the things that are about to happen.

TELL ME I'M WORTHLESS is a story about trauma and fascism, but really it is a story about England. This is a book I could see students in another country in 2082 reading as part of the national history curriculum. It's only 2021, but this is absolutely going to be one of the books of the decade.

A truly horrifying horror novel that crawls inside you and makes a home, I absolutely cannot recommend it enough.

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Fourteen

Harry woke up the next morning earlier than usual due to their early night yesterday. Just thinking about it made him grin, but then it made him think about his past relationship with 'douchebag' as Louis likes to call him. Or any other insult he could think of at the moment. Douchebag, or Connor, took one look at him and said it was "unnaturally large" and refused to give what he wanted to get. He had bullied Harry whenever a bulge would show in his pants and had made him get uncomfortable briefs that had a pocket to tuck everything in.

He had also made Harry tape himself down with medical tape if they went to the beach so it wouldn't be seen in photos on accident. Harry had always been self-conscious about it, it wasn't hard to notice that you were bigger than your mates in the changing rooms. Especially when one of the guys had a measuring tape and challenged everyone to measure themselves. It was obvious when everyone was 3-5 inches soft and Harry was 6 soft.

Being a little over 9 inches in length and 5 inches in girth when hard Harry had been bigger than Conner by quite a few inches. Louis hadn't seemed bothered though, in fact, he had gotten turned on as he gave Harry a blowjob. Though he did seem nervous as he had taken Harry's pants off which Harry was going to ask Louis about when he woke up. He wanted to make sure Louis was okay and hadn't been pressured or anything like that. Harry would never forgive himself if he unknowingly pressured Louis.

Harry looked over at Louis who was still fast asleep. He was curled around Harry's back being the big spoon that Harry didn't know being the little spoon felt so great. No wonder Douchebag always wanted to be the little spoon. Harry snuggled back against Louis then grimaced and lifted the blanket seeing the dried cum on his tattoo.

"Gross." Harry said then gagged at the taste of his breath, "even worse." Harry quickly climbed out of bed and headed straight to the bathroom. He quickly wet his toothbrush then slathered toothpaste on it and brushed his teeth then his tongue twice to get rid of the taste in his mouth. After that, he turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up before he stepped under the spray.

Louis woke up to the sound of vicious teeth brushing and rolled over to see Harry in the mirror's reflection. He stared at Harry listening to him brush his teeth then he had to hide his laughter when he heard Harry gagging as he brushed his tongue. He stared at Harry's bareback and ass as he bent over the sink to spit out the foamy toothpaste. Louis grabbed his phone off his bedside table and scrolled through social media as Harry got into the shower.

He laid there for a while until he heard Harry's shower turn off then watched him leave the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Louis climbed out of bed then headed to the closet where Harry was going through his clothing options.

"Morning handsome." Louis said smiling when Harry looked over at him with a grin

"Right back at ya." Harry said stepping up to him to kiss him

"We got any plans today?" Louis asked watching as Harry dropped the towel only to step into black briefs. He watched as Harry pulled them up then watched as he tucked himself into a pocket in his briefs that made his cock shake disappear. "What..wait..what happened to it." Louis said shocked as he eyed Harry

"It's a pocket. It's to keep it from y'know causing an outline." Harry said with a laugh

"Why?" Louis asked

"Because I don't want Harry Jr on the front page of a tabloid."

"Sweetie it wouldn't be a tabloid it'd be a Playboy." Louis told him, grinning, getting a glare from Harry, "sorry. Fine. But find other pairs. I want at least something to grab when you're hard in your pants to tease you." Harry laughed shaking his head

"All the more reason to keep them." Harry said as he grabbed some black pants and pulled them on. He had to adjust himself again and Louis watched, "I have a meeting with Columbia Records at twelve, but other than that I don't have any plans."

"The lads want to go on a triple date, Zayn and Liam, Niall and Monica, Lizzy and Hannah, and you and I. I told them I'll talk to you."

"We can do that. Those are the girls you met at the club right?"

"Yeah, Monica was the one with the birthday the night, and Hannah and Lizzy are the lesbian couple in the videos."

"What time?"

"I think Zayn said seven o'clock."

"Sounds good." Harry said pulling on a pink chain and rope print shirt and buttoning before tucking the ends in. He then pulled his pants the rest of the way up and Louis noticed they were high-waisted women's pants, but Louis didn't point it out and only admired the way his butt looked in them. He leaned over and pinched it getting a slap from Harry on his hand.

"Stop it. I'll go make breakfast and you get dressed. Or don't. Either way, I need to make breakfast because I am starving." Harry came up to him and cupped his face kissing his lips gently

"I want full English." Louis told him

"Your wish is my command." Harry said bowing dramatically before he was leaving the room.

Louis shook his head then went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. After he was cleaned and dressed and his mouth had been brushed twice he went downstairs scrolling through Twitter frowning when he saw the fans telling him to explain a photo. It took a few seconds before he found the photo that the fans were referring to. It was a dropped photo of Harry and Dickhead, but the photo was cropped so that Harry's hair was only barely seen pushed back to it looked like a recent photo, but Louis knew Harry's side profile better than anyone and his cheeks were too rounded to be recent.

"Hey, Haz do you have the full photo of this picture?" Louis asked, showing Harry the tweets, Harry looked away from his bacon turning to look at the phone frowning when he noticed what it was.

"I might in my cloud." Harry said, "my cloud password is in the drawer and you know my phone code." Louis grabbed Harry's phone on the counter then moved to the junk drawer that Harry had full of batteries, guitar picks, old planners, and other random junk that hasn't made it to the trash can two feet away. Louis grabbed the notebook that had Harry's passcodes for every account and looked four the cloud one.

"Do you know the year?" Louis asked

"Probably 2013." Louis nodded immediately going to 2013, "try like summertime...June through August I think. We spent the summer together."

"Found it. I'm going to ruin this man's life." Louis said by sending the photo to him then he got back on twitter and found the account that the photo came from and tagged it as well as Dicky's Twitter account.

@ account134527 and @ ConnorKS

Try again boo. 😘✌🏻🖕🏻

"And post." Louis said grinning as he posted the tweet with the photo of Harry and his hair pushed back from 2013. He was kissing the Twat's cheek and in the background, you could also see it was before the Wizarding World of Harry Potter had been opened for the public because they were standing near the closed-off section for construction.

"I'm sorry-"

"Sweetie don't apologize. He got a false sense of hope from your management and now he's mad you picked me over him in his head at least. It'll die down or I'll make it die down. You may treat people with kindness, but Tommo doesn't." Louis said, setting their phones down, "besides you can't blame the man you are very good looking. I'd torment you too if you upgraded."

"I don't think there is any upgrading from you." Harry said as he pulled Louis in front of him between his body and the stove, "I love you." He said kissing his neck as he turned the sausages

"I love you too." Louis said leaning his head back against Harry's shoulder, "is your meeting in person?"

"No we're meeting on google duo, they're with Sony Music, but it's a different section so we just have to talk about music and image and such."

"Sounds very boring."

"It is."

******

Louis had his MacBook opened glaring at the screen, he and Little Dick were fighting on Twitter. After Louis tweeted the real photo from 2013 Little Dick tweeted another photo of sweet innocent Harry laying on a tattoo chair getting the swallows tattoo. The butterfly stood out against the pale skin Harry had back then. So Louis had replied to the tweet,

@ account134527 @ ConnorKS thanks for being there for Harry as he got places to hide my live bites Boo.

And well apparently he didn't like that so he leaked a picture of him and Harry in California at the Hollywood sign. So Louis replied

@ account134527 @ ConnorKS wooooow you took him to a place he sees on his back patio every day when in LA...impressive. 👏🏻👏🏻

And thus it began. Louis didn't even know why he was arguing with an ex, but he was. He was very secure in his relationship with Harry so it wasn't out of insecurity, but whatever the reason Louis was winning the fight and everyone knew it.

@ account134527 @ ConnorKS the fact that you had to make a fake account just to leak photos of you two together...👀👀🙊

@ account134527 @ ConnorKS the fact that management made you believe Harry would choose you over me despite the way you treated him is fucking hilarious...

@ account134527 @ ConnorKS boo the shit I have on you... let's not go there.

@ account134527 @ ConnorKS coincidence?

Louis attached a video of "Dirty Little Secret" playing on the tv. The tweets stopped soon after that so to celebrate his victory Louis posted a short video of him and Harry a few nights ago dancing to Macarena inside the pool laughing their asses off with the words 'Look at my darling baby❤' in the tweet.

"Are you done arguing with Connor?" Harry asked laughing as he came inside from his meeting

"I think so." Louis said looking at Harry, "I won."

"You won before he even knew there was a competition." Harry told him wrapping his arms around his waist

"Oh I know that, but he doesn't have a right to expose your relationship like that."

"It's fine. The fans suspected back then, but he didn't want to be in the tabloids dating me so we kept it quiet. I'm surprised you didn't expose him for...what did you call him? A manipulative abusive little dick asshole?"

"Manipulative abusive little pecker loose asshole cheating twat." Louis corrected

"That. Yes. I'm surprised you didn't call him that."

"I almost did. I typed it a few times at least. If he responds that'll be my next tweet. It'll shut him up." Louis said, grabbing Harry's hands, "you should let me paint your nails. You have perfect nail beds. Lottie would be jealous."

"You paint mine and I'll paint yours."

"Deal. I'll go to the shops to get polish. Be back in a minute."

*******

Louis grinned as he followed Harry through the crowded rooftop dining area.

"There they are." Zayn said standing up when he saw them

"Hi, sorry traffic was horrible." Harry said hugging Zayn and Liam before leaning over to hug Niall and Monica. "Hi Ni. Hi Monica, it's lovely to meet you."

"Hi, Harry." Monica said excitedly as she hugged Harry, "hi Louis." She said, stepping over to hug Louis, "saw that fight on twitter."

"Yeah, we were just being told about it by Monica. Possessive much Lou?" Liam teased as Harry greeted Hannah and Lizzy with hugs as well

"I have no reason to worry, I just don't like him." Louis said with a shrug, "Haz is mine and if he wanted that shrimp he'd have cheated when given the opportunity enough times."

"If I wanted him I'd have stayed with him." Harry said kissing his temple, "now do we have wine coming, or have we not ordered yet?"

"Not yet we just got here not that long ago and decided to wait for you." Zayn said as they took their seats it was a square dining table with two seats on each side. Louis and Harry were sat across from Hannah and Lizzy while Niall and Monica were sat across from Zayn and Liam.

"Do we want to share mozzarella balls for an appetizer, Lou?" Harry asked

"Of course Darling." Louis said, "what are you getting for the main dish?"

"I think the chicken shawarma in their Mediterranean section." Harry said

"Ooh yeah, I saw that. I was thinking of the eggplant rollatini."

"Wanna split?"

"Deal."

"Hello I'm David and I'll be your waiter today. Are we all on one check or separate?" He asked looking around the table

"We are separated into pairs. So them two, those two, these two, and us two." Louis said pointing to each couple getting the man's attention who nodded.

"And what can I get for you?" The man asked, eyeing him and licking his lips though Louis had turned away from him and hadn't seen it though he turned when he spoke.

"Oh, ladies first. We can wait." Louis said before turning back to Niall, "are we doing anything after this?"

"We talked about going to the club if you guys are up for it."

"Can I pick the place?" Harry asked

"Yeah sure." Niall said

"Lou?"

"I'm down if you are."

"Alright. Who is our designated driver?" Harry asked looking around

"I can. You got a vehicle big enough for all of us?"

"Yeah, we can follow back to my place and get the SUV." Zayn nodded, "we can all stay there tonight I have guest rooms."

"And for you?" The waiter asked after everyone ordered looking at Louis

"Oh we will have the fried mozzarella balls as an appetizer and for the main dish I will have the eggplant rollatini." Louis told him

"Perfect. The eggplant rollatini is my favorite." He said, Louis, nodded and looked at Harry who looked highly amused.

"I will have the chicken shawarma." Harry said closing the menu

"Will that be all for you?" The man asked barely acknowledging Harry as he looked back at Louis

"Yeah, that's all thank you." Harry leaned over and kissed Louis' cheek laughing when the man turned away with more hip movement than necessary.

"Is there anything else I can do for you." Harry teased leaning over

"Absolutely anything." Liam said batting his eyelashes

"Please sir I'm all but stripping for you." Niall said laughing

"Stop it. It's not funny. What kind of guy does that in front of someone's boyfriend even." Harry laughed squeezing his thigh as he leaned over to whisper in his ear

"Do you think he'd get the message if we snog?" Louis laughed turning to Harry to whisper in his ear as well

"He'd probably get hard. Best not risk it." Harry laughed nodding as he squeezed Louis' thigh before pulling away. The rest of the dinner was filled with laughter, storytelling, many wine glasses, and delicious food. There were also pictures as a group from someone's phone as they all huddled together when Lizzy pulled out a selfie stick from her purse.

"Why do you have that in your purse?" Louis asked

"Never question what is inside a lesbian couple's purse." She said as she extended it then took the phone as placed it on the holder. "Now huddle together everyone. Harry, stop looking at Louis and look at the camera. We already have photos of you two looking like sappy teenagers." Louis laughed as he looked at Harry who was staring at him with a grin. Louis leaned over and kissed him ignoring the groans from the couples.

"I got an idea." Niall said pulling his phone out and going to Instagram, he got on Louis' page then got on a picture of Louis standing in nothing but Harry's lilac sweater with his a side profile showing off his ass. "Harry, look it's a picture of Louis ass. Looky looky." Despite the fact that Harry was kissing Louis it actually worked because Harry turned away and looked.

"What?" Harry asked looking around until he spotted the phone with the photo over the phone on the selfie stick.

"Quick do it." Louis tried every hard not to laugh as his boyfriend with eyes glued to the photo. Harry grinned as his hand went down to grab Louis' cheek squeezing it. It didn't last long, only enough for two photos then Harry was looking at him again.

"Smart man you've got there Monica." Hannah said

"I just know Harry's weak spot is Louis, but if Louis beside him he needed something stronger." Niall said looking at Harry and Louis who were back in their own world talking with each other, "besides everyone loves Louis' ass."

"Thanks. You get the tip baby and I'll pay for this." Louis said taking the bill the waiter was handing out to the respected couples. He opened it just to make sure it was the right one before he kissed Harry and pulled his wallet out. Harry pouted but pulled out his own wallet and tossed two £50 down, "Harold you can't tip more than the bill." Louis said grabbing it and handing it back to him

"Let me tip whatever I want mister bill payer." Harry said putting down two hundred just to spite Louis

"Harry, he was rude the entire time to everyone except myself and completely ignored our relationship. I am not letting you tip him two hundred just because."

"Louis he could strip for you and I wouldn't care because you're still coming home with me at the end of the night so I win. Now let me tip him." Louis huffed rolling his eyes as he pulled out a £50 and a £20 and put it in the billfold. He flipped the receipt over and wrote,

"You're lucky I'm not in charge of the tip and my boyfriend is a kind person. You were an ass all night. I'd have given you the minimum 10% and be done with it. In case you don't know math that's a fiver and some change. Be kind to people and respect their relationship.

--Louisxxx"

He tossed the black folder down on the table and Monica immediately took it to read it snorting.

"I like the Tommo way." She said as she handed it to Hannah and Lizzy, Lizzy immediately taking a picture of it. She was addicted to her Instagrams they've learned over dinner, because yes she has more than one account. One for her personal use and one for her photography that she does on the side. They stood around waiting for their billfolds and when they got them Louis made sure to count the bills.

"Here have his number." Louis said handing the £5 to Harry who took it then tossed it in the tip pile. There was Harry's two £50, three £10, and now £5. Louis was very tempted to take a 50 and shove it in Harry's pocket, but he wouldn't do that. If Harry wanted to kill them with kindness then so be it.

"A £185 tip, he better use it wisely." Liam said

"Tempted to take the- actually I am." Louis took the five and headed to the table where a little girl was with her family. She had been very eager to ask Harry for a photo, but her parents had talked her out of it to wait until Harry ate his meal. "Here you go, Sweetie. You buy yourself something next time your parents take you to the shops yeah?" Harry said handing the little girl £25

"Really?"

"Yeah. The five have numbers on it, but it's still good."

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome. You deserve more than our waiter does and you were very polite to wait to ask Harry for a photo so you definitely deserve it." Louis was taken by surprise by the hug the little girl gave him, but it was a nice surprise that he returned before heading back to their table. "You can be mad at me tomorrow, tonight we are clubbing." Louis said to Harry as he slipped his arms in the jacket Harry was holding for him.

"I think you're petty in the best way, but I'm not mad. I love you and with that comes your sassy attitude. Which I love as well. Besides you made her night." They all headed outside and got in their respected cars and followed back to Harry's place. Harry got the keys for the SUV and they all got in so Harry could drive to the club. It was a bit more upscale as in there was a second entrance that Harry and they took so they weren't spotted by anyone yet then they were led to the VIP balcony with a bar and tables and lounges.

"I'll go get a tab open, what does everyone want?" Harry asked as they sat at a square bar height table, the same seating arrangement from the restaurant. Harry got everyone's drink and went off to the bar coming back minutes later with a tray of various drinks.

"Now you owe me a dance." Harry said pressing against Louis from behind

"I don't dance until I'm drunk. You'll have to keep the drinks coming." Louis told him even if he pressed his hips back against Harry's.

"What's the fastest way to get you drunk?" Harry asked

"Whiskey gets Louis plastered for a week." Liam said

"What about you Styles." Louis said, turning to face Harry as he wrapped an arm around Harry's neck while his other hand held his beer glass, "what gets you plastered?"

"I'm not telling you anything." Harry said, taking a sip from his...slushie.

"What are you drinking." Louis said grinning as he grabbed Harry's wrist and pulled it towards him. He looked up at Harry as he licked the slushie teasingly tasting the refreshing flavor of watermelon with a kick of gin that had Louis grimacing slightly. "Gin. You hate the taste of beer, but you drink gin."

"I like alcohol you can mix with. Watermelon gin slushie and if you lick it like that again we're taking an uber home right now."

"Oh?" Louis leaned over to lick it again, but Harry took it away.

"Stop it Lewis."

"Oh, we are breaking up over that." Louis said though despite his words he still kept his arm around his neck.

"Alright, love birds we are off to the dance floor." Lizzy said, "Liam and Zayn are staying here to watch the drinks."

"You sure?" Harry asked looking at the couple

"Yeah, we're fine really. You lads go have fun." Liam said as he hung on Zayn

"Alright. Have fun. Drink a beer or two lads I've been in the car with you guys after a whiskey shot and we all survived."

"Maybe a beer, but really Lou we went out last weekend just the two of us so we're not in the mood for another hangover so soon. Now go."

"Alright. Come on Haz we can dance with the others."

************

The night carried on until last call surprisingly, despite Liam and Zayn not drinking they joined them on the dance floor every now and again. Louis and Harry were always found with their tongues down each other's throats and a hand somewhere inappropriate. Liam and Zayn had to drag the drunk couples all the way back to the SUV and Louis didn't give a damn that he was sitting right beside Monica. Louis threw a leg over Harry's hip and straddled his lap.

"You're so cute. You're like the cutest little thing ever." Louis said cupping Harry's face to kiss him on his cheeks and lips

"You're beautiful and pretty and cute and adorable and tiny and small." Harry said snuggling into Louis' neck, "you're my best friend." Louis giggled drunkenly

"You're my best friend too cutie." Louis said

"You're my sweet little creature."

"I'm going to puke." Zayn moaned from upfront

"Tell me about it." Monica said from beside them

"I love your voice. You should like become a singer. You have such a pretty voice." Harry said

"Wait Louis sings?!" Monica, Lizzy, and Hannah shouted

"He sings to me when he wakes up first." Harry said, "he's so precocious. I love him." The car ride to the house was with Harry proclaiming his love for Louis every five seconds. They all stumbled out and Zayn and Liam helped everyone to guest rooms while Harry and Louis hurried to the bedroom locking the door behind them as they struggled to undress then climb into bed together.

"Be the big spoon." Harry said, pulling Louis against his back, "I like being the little spoon."

"My giant little spoon." Louis said affectionately kissing Harry's bare shoulder

[raysofcrosby]

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 2

“𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮-𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.” ━ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐲 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚'𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐌𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: just some swearing nbd

word count: 6,964 [ oh my god i h8 myself lmao ]

authors note: happy halloween!!!! i’m actually hella shook that i managed to get this out so soon, but i was in a writing mood and voila, this came to be. idk what the hell any of the stars are gonna be for halloween, so i just made up a random group costume for a few of them that are mentioned. if you haven’t read part one, you can read it here! anyway, happy halloween, stay safe and enjoy!

"Where is that asshole?" Kennedy asked, adjusting her skirt as she stood in front of her body mirror. "I mean, it's not enough that he ruined our matching costumes by insisting you two match instead. But now he's going to make us late!"

You sigh and sit up from your bed, putting your phone beside you. "Trust me, I know. I was looking forward to rocking our sexy pirate costumes, too."

"We were supposed to look hot and you were going to be my wing-woman tonight." Kennedy dropped her hands by her side and turned to you. "Why does he even want to go? Doesn't he hate them? And is he not aware that they hate him too?"

"Apparently not, because he insisted he come along and that we match," you hopped off of your lofted dorm bed and bent down, opening your mini-fridge and grabbing a beer. "Plus, he hasn't even told me what we're going to be yet."

The annoyance with Cole had only heightened since Saturday's game. He had held your absence from Beta Ball over your head until two days ago when you mentioned Tyler's annual Halloween party was this week. It was on Halloween, the day before they were set to travel to Colorado– a stupid time to have a Halloween party, but the boys are grown and know their limits, so it was up to them not to get extremely trashed to where they'd miss the plane the next day and be hungover on the ice.

Kennedy is ranting on and on about Cole and her dislike from him, going as far to calling him some crude words that you hadn't know existed. You can't blame her though, she's your best friend and is just being protective of you. She's been your roommate since your freshman year at SMU, which also means she's seen your relationship with Cole from the very beginning. If there's anyone more protective of you than your older siblings and the few stars players, it was Kennedy.

"I mean, why don't you just end it already? It's not like you guys have been spot on or even spending time together," She continued, making her fishnets distressed. "He hasn't been blowing up your phone since Saturday, he completely ignored you at dinner the other night at the commons."

"I'm sure–"

"He ignored you, plain and simple. Plus, you two have been off and I think your relationship has officially run its course." She turned back to face the mirror and smiled at her costume. "I think that it's time you get to know some of the Stars on a more personal level other than 'yeah, I'll tape you up.' And maybe big brother can help!"

"Yeah right," you laughed, taking a long sip of your beer and then pointing the bottle at her to share it. "You and I both know Jamie wouldn't let me near their dating pool. He knows how they talk about girls and practically lives with them."

She walked over, taking the beer from you and taking a swig. "Okay, and?"

"And I highly doubt that he'd want to hear any of them talk about me in the locker room. He cringed when I said the word, breasts on Saturday."

"Hmph," she pouted, taking another swig before handing the beer back to you. "Stupid Jamie, cockblocking us from his hot teammates. It's just really rude and inconsiderate of him."

"I mean, you can go for one if you want. Just because we're not both dressed as super sexy twin pirates, doesn't mean I can't be your wing-woman."

She went to reply when a knock came from your door, causing the smile on her face to twist into an annoyed frown. "Satan's here."

You laugh and shake your head, making your way over to the door, opening it to see Cole standing there looking down at his phone and dressed in a tuxedo. "Oh uh wow," he looks up from his phone and nods at you as you stifle a laugh. "You look...sorry, you do know that we're going to a Halloween party...right?"

"Yep," he said, accentuating the 'p' and handing you the bag. "Your costume is in there." He walked past you and sat down on a footstool by your bed.

You closed the door and looked at Kennedy who turned her attention to Cole, giving him the stink eye before making a slicing motion across her neck. Cole was completely unaware, focused on his phone, which made her actions much more hilarious. "Well? Are you going to get ready?"

You bit your tongue, holding back a snarky reply that seemed to be more consistent which him as the week went on and just nodded, turning towards your bathroom and walking inside. "I'll help you!" Kennedy called out, immediately following you into your shared bathroom and closing the door. With no hesitation, she began playing music on her phone and turned it all the way up before placing her phone on the counter. "God, he is such a dick!"

You just nodded in agreement as you opened the bag, pulling out a bright red and fancy bodycon dress with no tags. You held it up and looked at Kennedy with raised eyebrows. "What the fuck is this for? It's the only thing in here."

Kennedy rolled her eyes and opened the bathroom door, peeping out into your room. "Hey, dipshit, what the fuck is this costume supposed to be?" You couldn't hear his reply over the music playing, only Kennedy's annoyed tone. "You know what? Just text me the picture." She closed the door and picked up her phone, unlocking it. "I swear I'm going to kill him."

"Why?" She looked up at you with raised eyebrows and you shook your head. "Besides the obvious reasons."

"This." Kennedy turned the phone towards you and you zoomed in on the image from Cole's message. Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to get a grasp on just what the hell his costume inspiration was.

"Are you serious?"

"If you want me to kill him, say the word. I plan to get my master's degree in Criminal Justice and I'll learn how to get rid of a body with no evidence."

You looked between the picture and the dress you were holding and sighed, shaking your head. "No, that's okay. But there's no way in hell I'm walking into that party with my makeup like that. I'll just...do it there, I guess."

❒❒❒❒

Tyler's party was crowded by the time your uber dropped us off and pretty much everyone who was invited had arrived before you, thanks to Cole for making you guys late. Saying a few quick hellos to the familiar faces you saw, the first thing you and Kennedy did was take over the downstairs guest bathroom so you could finish off your costume. After Cole explained what it was in the uber, your unsettling feeling never disappeared like you thought it would. Kennedy closed and locked the door behind her as you hopped up onto the bathroom counter. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can still turn this into a whole different costume. Maybe add some teasing, a poof and we can say that you're a pale version of Snooki!"

You sigh and nod your head. "I already feel bad for missing Beta Ball, so if this is gonna help him get over his pettiness then I'll do it. I'll just suck it up." You hopped off of the counter and held out your hand. "You got the stuff?"

"Your boyfriend is a grade A idiot and you're too good of a soul to agree to this costume choice." She pulled out a small bottle of Visine and handed it over. "I'm getting drinks and I'll be right outside the door."

You watched her walk out of the bathroom and locked the door behind her before returning to the counter. Staring at your reflection and then the Visine bottle on the counter, part of you couldn't believe that you were actually about to go through with this costume. After you got dressed at the dorm and your uber arrived, you confronted Cole about the costume choice.

Who the hell picks a couple costume based on the Bachelor...where the girlfriend is dressed as a losing contestant?

He brushed off your concern almost immediately and told you his reasoning as if he had practiced it like a script. You weren't just any random Bachelor themed season– you were Colton's season. He was Colton and you were Hannah B, this years' last Bachelorette. God, just hearing his excuse echo in your mind was enough to want to rip your hair out.

"Babe, Hannah B  is the most popular Bachelorette and Colton turned her away! This is just our take on it. It'll be a hit, I swear!"

And when you complained about having to make yourself look like a crying mess by running mascara down your cheeks with Visine?

"Think about the after! Hannah B had a popular season and she's like, the hottest Bachelorette. Next year, we can do something like that!"

The only thing that made his excuses worse and his logic flawed...was the dress. Hannah B was wearing an elegant gown and didn't make her look like a dime and a dollar hooker. Not to mention that she didn't even cry on camera when Colton sent her home. But the guilt of missing out of his party was the one thing that kept bringing you back to an agreement. This party was only for a couple of hours and once you took a few shots to the face, you wouldn't even care about how your make-up looked.

You picked up the Visine bottle and squeezed a few drops into each eye, using a folded piece of toilet paper to help shape the mascara stains that were rolling down your cheeks. You were supposed to look like a disheveled, heartbroken Bachelor contestant, but you'll be damned if you don't look at least a little bit controlled. A knock came from the door just as you finished up. "Hold on, I'll be out in a second!"

You stood back to admire your crying marks and shook your head before tossing the napkin away and stuffing the bottle of Visine into your bra. "I look like a rabid raccoon, Kennedy," you said, making your way towards the door and unlocking it. "Cole is so lucky that I put up with this shit –"

When you opened the door, a tipsy Jamie was leaning in the doorway, his attention down the hall. "Oh shit, sorry," he apologized, turning towards you and immediately taking in your costume, confusion written all over his face. "Wow Y/N, you look like shit."

"Wow, okay thanks Jamie," you said, ducking beneath his arm and out into the hallway. "You see your sister with tear-stained cheeks and that's what you say?" You were being full-on sarcastic with your brother and trying your best to hide back your smile.

He shook his head as if to snap him out of his thoughts and took in your mascara stained cheeks again. "Oh shit, are you okay? What happened? Did someone hurt you? What did Frat douche do?"

Getting the reaction you desired, you smiled and patted his chest. "It's part of the costume big brother, no worries. But it's nice to see where your loyalties lie."

Just as you went to turn around, Kennedy came walking up with two solo cups in her hands, passing you one of them. "Hi Jamie, where are the rest of the Average Joes?"

You turned to your brother, taking a sip of the drink Kennedy had made you– vodka cranberry– and took in your brother's appearance for the first time. He was wearing an Average Joe's uniform from the movie Dodgeball, only his shorts were a little bit too short and a little bit too tight. "Yuck, I never want to see that much leg from you ever again, Chubbs."

"You're just jealous my hammies are better than yours," He smiled, before nodding his head down the hall. "Segs, Rad and Big Rig are in the living room somewhere." He walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Let's party hard?" Kennedy smiled, holding her cup up.

"Please and thank you," you sighed, clinking your cup to hers before the two of you took a sip.

The bathroom door opened a few seconds later, Jamie peeking his head out into the hall. "One more thing, have fun and get drunk, but please don't get too drunk because mom would kill me and I don't want her and dad to threaten to fly down here because you decided to get alcohol poisoning." He pointed at Kennedy, giving her the same look. "You too Kennedy. I don't know your mom, but I'm sure she'd kick my ass too." And then he disappeared back into the bathroom.

You and Kennedy shared a look before bursting into laughter. "Come on, let's mingle and find my hot hockey hunk." She smiled, looping her arm through yours and leading you down the hall.

Tyler had moved to a new house sometime this summer, so you haven't been able to check it out yet since your dog sitting duties were not yet needed. It was a nice house, one that many professional athletes would love to spend their money on. You liked his last house, but this one sure was an amazing upgrade. As Kennedy navigated you guys back towards the life of party, you took in the guests around you. The entire Stars roster was present and all in costumes. A few chose to match with their significant others, some went solo on a costume choice and there were a few grouped ones. Also in attendance...a lot of girls, some of them WAGs, whom you knew, but the rest you didn't know. It was hard to keep track of who was here since people were constantly moving between the dance floor, the bar/kitchen, beer pong and the few who decided to wander out to the pool patio. It wasn't a surprise though, Tyler knew a lot of people in the Dallas area. Over the last few years, you and Kennedy made it a habit to try and pick who the two of you thought was Tyler's current hook-up, a fun game where you never really found out the answer. But suddenly, the idea of playing that game tonight didn't seem all too appealing.

A burly figure bumped into you, separating your arm from Kennedy's. "Oh shit, I'm sorry," Big Rig looked down at you and laughed. "Did someone splash their drink on your face? Why is it all runny?"

"Oh no, that's her costume, Jamie," Kennedy laughed, taking a sip of her drink. "Doucheface decided they'd be Colton and Hannah B from the Bachelor."

He checked out your costume, his eyes lingering for a few seconds before doing his damndest to hide his smile and looking towards Kennedy. "Um...okay."

"Alright, alright enough. If you excuse me, I'm going to go find my doucheface." You said, taking a long sip and turning to look towards the dance floor.

"Nope! Klinger and I need two more people to play beer pong, and if I can count as good as I think I can," He took another sip and eyed you and Kennedy. "Then I think we've got our two people."

Kennedy looked at you with a smile and you sighed, looking out into the crowd of people and not seeing Cole anywhere. "Alright, I'm in."

"Yes! You're so going down." He smiled, standing at an end of the table as Kennedy traveled down to go stand beside Klinger.

"Alright pretty boy, let's see what you got."

❒❒❒❒

"WOOHOO!" You cheered, your arms up in a V as you turned to Big Rig with a mega-watt smile. "Winner, us. Losers...you two."

He rolled his eyes and laughed, tugging your arms down. "You guys so cheated! Using your..." He waved his hand at his chest area, "distraction techniques."

"Alls fair in pong and war, baby," Kennedy winked, taking a sip of her drink.

Jamie continues the banter as you look off and see Cole standing towards the front foyer and talking to Radulov, Dickinson, Pavelski, and Heiskanen. You couldn't believe that some of the players were talking to him. You turned back to Big Rig and Kennedy. "Well, this was a blast but I see Cole and I should probably spend some time with my boyfriend."

They both nodded as I started to walk away. "Didn't Hannah B like...lose the Bachelor? Not that I know...I mean, my sister watches it." Jamie said, no doubt talking to Kennedy.

"Yeah, but Cole is a douche canoe who's tiny brain doesn't comprehend that," she giggled in reply, making you smile and making a mental note to yourself to try and get them together.

As you navigated the crowd and walked over to the group, Rads was the first to see you and he smiled. "Y/N!" He broke off and hugged you, not commenting on your make-up.

"Hey boys," you smiled, going around and giving them all hugs before settling beside Cole.

"There's our favorite trainer in training," Pavelski smiled, raising his cup to you.

"We missed you," Dickinson added, looking over at Cole.

You could feel Cole tense after Dickinson said that and your eyes followed his cup as he brought it up to his lips again and again. "Yeah sorry, I was too busy annihilating Big Rig and Klinger in beer pong.

"Can you teach me how to beat them? I've never been able to win and I've already lost out on $200 and had to wear this stupid diaper and baby bonnet." Heiskanen mumbled, motioning towards his adult-sized diaper and big binky hanging around his neck.

You laughed and nodded, taking a sip of your drink. "Sure thing, we'll team up against them later tonight, okay?"

No sooner than you agreed to help Miro, Cole snatched his arm from yours and left the group, disappearing into the crowd. Your eyes went wide and you could feel the heat of embarrassment warm along your cheeks. The first person you made eye contact with, was Miro who soon after was sending death glares at the back of Cole's head. Your eyes moved along the group, seeing the same thing. At first, they'd look at you in concern before turning their attention to the direction Cole left in in anger.

You cleared your throat and kept your head down. "I'll see you guys later." 

Before they could reply, you walked away from their group and over towards the bar in which Cole was just now leaving after refilling his cup. You followed steps behind him as he walked out to the patio and by the time you had reached the outer door, the few people who were already outside were starting to come in. Cole was standing at the end of the pool, furthest away from the door. He took a long sip of his drink before kicking a beach ball off of the deck and into the pool water. 

"What'd that ball ever do to you?" You asked jokingly,  met with anger filled eyes when he turned towards you and then back around.

"Are you into him?" He asked, keeping his back to you as you walked over.

His question practically stops you in your tracks. Your mind, almost immediately, wanders to if he was referring to the chirping he had overheard between you and Tyler during his phone call. "Who is 'him'?"

"Oh, don't play dumb with me. Are you into him?"

"I'm not playing dumb, Cole! I don't know who you're talking about?" You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but there's about 45 some 'hims' you could be talking about!"

This time, Cole laughed in disbelief and shook his head as he brought his cup to his lips. "Such a slut thing to say, Y/N."

Your eyes widened in shock and you almost took a step back at his words. It only took a few moments before the anger mixed with alcohol started to flow through your veins at the fact that he just called you a slut. "Excuse me? Try not letting your fragile masculinity get in the way of the clarity of your question, Cole." You said his name in spite, something he took notice of since it caused him to face you.

He stomps towards you before coming to an immediate stop in front of you. "Oleksiak. Are you into him?" He sneered, taking advantage of his height difference over you.

You couldn't help but laugh at who he was asking about, but felt relieved that he wasn't talking about Tyler. "Teddy Bear? No, I'm not into him. We're just friends."

"Oh, so if I were to find a girl to play beer pong with and was all over her like you were him, then I'd get a pass?"

You had to shake your head in disbelief at his question. He was truly serious and upset about you playing beer pong with Big Rig. His drunken brain has his emotions at an all-time high over this. "Oh my God, I wasn't all over him! It's called trying to distract and win, Cole. You and your frat brothers pants each other and whip out our dicks, for Godsake."

His sneer was pasted on his face permanently as he took another long sip of his drink. You sighed and crossed your arms. "I think you should stop drinking, Cole. You know what...we should just go."

He completely ignored you, taking another sip of his drink. "You know what? I think I'm in the mood to play some beer pong and make some new friends."

"Okay, now you're just being petty."

"How is that petty? We're just friends!" He mocked, using air quotes before brushing by you to go back into the house. "I think I'm going to go find some girl to play beer pong with, maybe a Cassie. Is there a Cassie here?"

You ran your tongue along the inside of your cheek before huffing at his subtle dig. He only took a few steps and you walked after him, "why are you being such a di–"

When he whipped around to face you, his drink collided with yours, spilling both completely all over the front of your dress. "Damn it, Y/N! You ruined the dress!"

"It's not my fault, you bumped into me!" You argued back, looking down at the stain. "I'll get it dry-cleaned, okay?"

"Well, it's all over me too!" His voice raised as he patted at his tux. His eyes looked at the dress and went wide in fear before darkening again. "It's not even your dress, I borrowed it from Pat's girlfriend so you better get it cleaned." He shook his hands out before turning around and storming back into the house.

"I just said that you asshole," you mumbled, looking up from the dress to see two girls sitting at the far edge of the pool, staring. "Happy Halloween, I hope you enjoyed the show!"

The two girls tore their gaze away from you and scurried back inside to the party. You looked around the pool area to see that you were now the only one outside. You looked back towards the party and then back at your dress before sitting down at the edge of the pool and dipping your legs into the water. You'd rather stay out here by yourself than have to avoid the stares and risk running into Cole again. The humidity had managed to die down, not by a whole lot, but by enough to where sitting outside was more comfortable than dancing around in the big group inside.

"Let me guess. It's your party and you'll cry if you want to?"

You smiled to yourself, keeping your back to the voice. "Last time I checked, it was your party, Seguin." You turned around to look at him and his eyes immediately went wide as he took in your appearance, but being kind, he tried to hide it. "I know, I'm hideous." You added, turning back to the water.

Tyler walked up beside you and squatted down to your level. "Uh no, but...are you okay? Why were you crying? Was it benchwarmer?" He paused, looking at your twiddling thumbs before sighing. "What did he do?"

He started to stand up and you reached back, grabbing his hand and stopping him, "don't!" You can see the genuine concern in his eyes mixed with the kind of anger you've seen Jamie and Jordie get in their eyes whenever they got protective over you. "Don't okay? He's just...he's drunk and when he's drunk he's stupid."

"I mean, I think he's stupid when he's sober too, but okay sure, let's go with that excuse."

You didn't roll your eyes at Tyler for once, because you knew that he was right. Instead, you let go of his hand and bring your hand back into your lap, sighing. "Why are you out here? Why aren't you boozing it up with your teammates and their hookups?"

"Because I saw benchwarmer downing a shot, Kennedy with Big Rig and she said she last saw you with him." He took a sip of his drink, looking down at the cup. "Thank God I didn't have to speak to him before I overheard Hailee and Taylor talking about 'poor girl, her boyfriends a dick.' And I used my big brain and put two and two together," he took another drink. "It was quite simple really."

The two of you sat together, Tyler still squatting down beside you as you guys took in the night sky.  You snuck a look at him and you weren't sure if you imagined it or not, but you thought that you had caught him looking away from you. It must have been a twitch or something because when you fully looked, he was looking up at the stars. You looked at your drink and took a sip, looking out of the corner of your eye to see him quickly looking away from you and down at his drink.

"You know you can sit down, right?"

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, looking down to realize that he was still squatting and then laughing before shaking his head. "No need, I'm a hockey player. I mean, have you seen my legs? I've got quads and hamstrings made of pure steel." He finished off his drink and smirked. "Buns of steel too. I get quite a few compliments on that during warmups from the ladies."

You smiled, raising an eyebrow before leaning back and taking a good look at his butt. "Eh, I've seen better."

He scoffs, bringing a hand to his chest and standing up. "I'm going to pretend like that didn't just hurt my feelings and go inside and get another drink. Want one?"

You groan and nodded. "At this point, I'll take ten shots to the face."

He just laughed and grabbed your hand, helping you up and walking you to the patio. As soon as you guys got under the light, he stopped you from walking inside. "Jesus Y/N, are you that drunk to where you spilled your drink on yourself?"

"Oh uh, no that was Cole. I went after him, he spun around and...splash. Guess I'll just stay sticky the whole night." You can see how badly he wants to make a smart comment, but he held it back anyway, probably more focused on the fact that Cole spilled his drink on you. "Don't worry about it Tyler, it's fine."

"Nope, come on."

He held onto your hand, leading you through the crowd and his new house, walking down the hall and coming into a bedroom. He dropped your hand once you came to a stop in front of the closet door, opening it and turning on the light. "This is kind of a lost and found from previous parties and uh..." He looks embarrassed as he rubs the back of his neck, though you weren't sure why since his conquests weren't exactly secret. "Guests."

"Oh no, no way! I am not wearing your hook-ups leftovers!"

Tyler sighed, turning off the light and closing the door. "I figured that, but there was no harm in the offering."

The two of you walked out of the guest room and you followed him upstairs, not even caring what people would think if they saw the two of you. "Where are you leading me now, Seguin? Your sex dungeon?" You laughed, only to realize just how embarrassing your question was.

When you reached the top of the stairs, Tyler turned towards you with a smile. "No, no sex dungeon. Though that does sound like it'd be a good investment. I'll have to think about that for an addition."

He opens a door on the left and walks in, turning on the lights before nodding at you to follow him inside. When you do, he waves you over towards the bed. "Sit, stand, do whatever makes you comfortable. I'll be bright back."

You nod as he walks off into one of his two walk-in closets and look towards his bed. You raised your eyebrows that moment your eyes caught glimpse of a pair of pinky bunny ears that were resting on his bedside table. "Do I even want to know why you have a pair of bunny ears, Seguin?" You asked, picking them up.

"Oh yeah, you know what? Candy, the girl I met at One Night Stand, she might have left those here the other night. Real freaky girl, she wore them the entire time."

You jumped, tossing the ears onto his bed and frantically wiped your hands against your dress just as Tyler walked out of the closet, laughing his ass off. "Why are you laughing? I touched those!"

"I'm laughing because I was lying, Y/N." He picked them up and put them back onto your head, smiling. "They were part of my costume last weekend. No bunny business was done wearing those and they didn't touch anyone's body except for mine, okay?"

You nodded as he placed a whole bunch of jerseys onto the bed. "So what exactly are we doing here?"

He smiled like a child and motioned towards the jerseys. "Finding you a new costume since yours is..." he grimaced at it before shaking his head. "I'm sorry, what are you even supposed to be?"

You just groaned and shook your head as he fumbled with taking some of the things off their hangers. "So apparently we're supposed to be Colton Underwood and Hannah Brown..."

He stopped, giving you a blank stare. "Didn't she...lose on that show? Like, isn't he engaged to some other girl?"

"Cassie Randolph, yeah exactly! And when I mentioned that, he went on some rant about how she's the most popular Bachelorette and blah blah blah, and her season ended with her breaking up an engagement because Jed was cheating!"

Tyler just laughed and nodded along, keeping his attention on the clothes in front of him, picking up a pair of black spandex and tossing them to you. He must have seen the panicked look in your eyes because he immediately shook his head. "They're Cassidy's. She left them behind the last time she came to visit. You guys are about the same size and that's the only valid pair of bottoms I have unless you want to go as risky business in my boxers and a button-up?" You felt self-conscious as his eyes traveled up and down your legs before he catches himself in the act and clears his throat. "Which you could pull off...only if you want to."

"Do I have any other options?"

"I don't know if you'll necessarily like it, but uh..." he pulled up a Stars jersey of his and then he eyed the bunny ears on your head.

"A puck bunny?! Are you–"

"Or a cleat chaser!" He quickly added, holding up a specialty Texas Rangers jersey. "If you wear this one!"

"What kind of costume choices are these, Tyler?"

"The kind that a 27-year-old man's closet has to offer! I'm sorry I don't wear club dresses, they're not my style."

You sigh and weighed your options. You could either go with the spandex, a Tyler related jersey and bunny ears, or you could wear a pair of his boxers and a dress shirt. You reached down and grabbed his Stars jersey, walking into his bathroom and peaking back out, taking the bunny ears off of your head and tossing them at him, as he laughed. "I'm not wearing the ears."

You closed the door behind you and unzipped your dress from the side, letting it slide off of your body. When you picked it up from the floor, you noticed just how clean and organized his bathroom was. Yeah, there was no way that Tyler picked out these decorations by himself. He either hired a professional or Jackie helped him pick out some things. You hung your dress over the side of his bathtub, before turning back towards the door. "Do you have any washcloths in here?"

"In the drawers by the sink!"

You looked over at the sink and slumped down, your eyes trailing down all four drawers. "Tyler, there are four drawers."

"Uh, I don't know! Second or third maybe?"

"Please don't let me find anything gross, please." You whispered, closing your eyes and tugging on the second drawer. When you opened your eyes, you looked to see a bunch of bottles. You picked one up and read the label.

Invati scalp revitalizer.

It was hair thickener. "Ha, I knew there was no way that he hasn't started balding yet," you laughed, putting it down and picking it up to see that it was jock powder. You dropped it back down and closed the drawer.

"Are you okay? Do you need help or-"

You opened the third drawer and found a stack of washcloths. "Nope! Nope, I'm good I found one!"

It was disappointing having to pretty much wipe off all of your foundation just to get off the mascara stains from your cheeks. Not only were you now in an unplanned costume but now you had to go around the rest of the party with nothing but the mascara and rest of your eye make-up that you were determined to keep. Sliding on the spandex, which fit perfectly, you pulled Tyler's jersey over your head and let it hang down to mid-thigh level. It didn't look right in your reflection, so you just tucked the front into your spandex and nodded in approval. You walked out of his bathroom and raised your arms halfway before letting them drop. "I look ridiculous."

"I don't know if I should be offended because that's my jersey or if I should agree."

"I mean, what am I even supposed to be Tyler? I'm wearing heels for Godsake!"

He looked down at your feet and nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, you've got a point there and your feet are way too small for any of my shoes."

"Any chance either of your sisters left an extra pair of shoes?" Tyler shook his head and you sighed. "Yeah, I didn't think so." Tyler was now wearing the bunny ears on his head and you knew what would make the costume make sense. You groaned and reached up at his head, grabbing the ears. "If you make any kind of joke, I'm leaving this party and you're never seeing this jersey again."

As you put the ears on your head, Tyler stepped back and took you in, smiling and nodding his head. "Alright, there's your new costume. You're my fan!"

You rolled your eyes and bumped into his shoulder as you walked towards his door. "Well, it's a lot better than being the seventh runner-up from the Bachelor." As the two of you walked into the hall, you stopped and turned around. "I meant to ask you, how did you even know? Do you watch The Bachelor?"

Tyler shut his bedroom door, ignoring your answer. "Ha! You do! You do watch it!"

"My sisters love it and besides, Tom Wilson watches it."

"Huh, I guess I learn something new about you every day. What else don't I know?" You asked as the two of you started walking down the hallway.

"I guess you better stick around and find out, huh?" He smiled, shrugging his shoulders.

A drunken Jamie trudges up the stairs, coming to a halt and holding onto the stair railing before pointing to you. "That's not what you were wearing."

"Cole spilled his drink on her, so I thought I'd help her out," Tyler replied quickly,  not even giving you enough time to start panicking.

Jamie looked at the two of you and walked over, plucking at your jersey and then the bunny ears. You could feel your panicked nerves practically start to swallow your body whole, unsure if your brother was sober enough to understand just what your costume was. When his eyes finally move on from the jersey and focus on the ears, he let out a belly laugh. "Ha! I get it! Well, this costume is a lot better than your last one."

He stumbled a little more, placing a hand on both yours and Tyler's shoulders. "You're lucky Seggy likes you enough to wear that jersey."

"What? Why? It's just a jersey," You look between Tyler and Jamie. "Isn't it?"

"Pffffft!" Jamie said dramatically. "This is the jersey he wore when he reached 500 career points. Y/N! Duh!" He turned to Tyler, "I thought you boxed it, man!"

Tyler was too busy fighting off his redding cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I haven't gotten to it yet."

You looked down at the jersey you were wearing, shocked that Tyler even considered it as an option at all. Part of you didn't want to move, afraid that if you did, you'd somewhere mess it up and upset Tyler. You had to take it off, there's no way you could wear it for the rest of the night.

Jamie patted Tyler's shoulder and smiled at him. "You're such a good brother man," he wrapped him up in a one-armed hug. "To me and Y/N."

His comment makes your stomach sink and not in a good way, and suddenly you find yourself resenting feeling that way and resenting Jamie for making the comment. Tyler too is silent before he coughs and sighs. "Yeah, brother..." His eyes graze over you faintly as Jamie pulls away from his hug.

He pats both of their shoulders again and sighs. "I love you guys...I need to pee."

Jamie walked in between the two of you and off into Tyler's bedroom, closing the door behind him. Both of you stood there in awkward silence, surely both unable to think of what to say. "Well...that was awkward."

You looked at him, crossing your arms. "What? My brother loving my puck bunny costume or the fact that he saw us coming out of your room and made it a point to say you're like a brother to me?"

Tyler was still nervous as he bit the inside of his cheek again and shrugged his shoulder and shook his head, unsure. "I mean, it's my jersey so I think the costume is cool."

"...So it's the comment then?" Looking at him, you took a dramatic gasp for breath and looked at him. "Seguin...do you have a crush on me?"

Tyler, instead of answering you, goes to take a sip, only to realize that his drink was empty. He looked into the empty cup and no sooner than you started to laugh, he turned his gaze to you. "What if I do?"

The last laugh was stuck in your throat as your brain forgot how to instruct your body to breathe. You stared at him, trying to read the expression in his eyes and seeing if you could find any tells that he was lying. Instead, you find absolutely nothing.  You opened your mouth to reply when Tyler's bedroom door opened up and Jamie walked out, looking at the two of you and then looked back down at his phone. "Oh, you're still here, great." He walks up and puts a hand on your shoulder. "Craig had a family thing come up, so Dave told me to tell you that you're coming to Colorado with us tomorrow."

No sooner than he finished his sentence, Jamie walked back down the stairs, leaving you and Tyler with not even a goodbye. Your jaw had dropped slightly at the surprising news. You were only a trainer in training, not even an official or real trainer! You've never even traveled with the team before! And how the fuck were you supposed to pack your bags when you'll no doubt be drunk by the time you reach your dorm. What if you forgot to pack something?

Tyler tugged on your bunny ears, pulling them down in front of your eyes and knocking you out of your thoughts to see he had already started walking down the stairs. "Hey, I’ll save you the seat next to me on the plane."

[historyofshipping]

Hi! I started watching 12 Monkeys thanks to you and now I'm about to watch s2 finale and THEY FINALLY KISSED. But the scene was kind of traumatic lmao because while they were FINALLY DOING IT there was, uhm, blood and death somewhere else. Also: they have interacted twice (2) but I'm already shipping Jennifer and Deacon SO FREAKING MUCH. I love Deacon a LOT in general. So thank you, I'm loving the show :D (It makes me cry a lot too, I mean, HANNAH)

😂😂😂😂

First of all - the fact that your name is dramaticalsquirrel is making me HOWL. I have so many mental images now and they’re all fucking hilarious. 

Also yeah all of Casserole’s relationship is a bit... messy, BUT they’re amazing and I love them. 

Deacon... eh. He’s not my least favorite character by the end but I never quite warmed up to him. Maybe in a rewatch! 

I’m so glad I got a convert. Please keep me updated with how you like it.

[tessa-woods]

Mama || Tess (Self Para)

She’s sitting in the car, this time. It’s not raining, it’s not night time, and she’s not drunk. She sits in the car, parked at the cemetery, staring at her mother’s stone from a distance. She wasn’t overtly religious, never had been. But Tess still believed that her mom was there. She believed in some sort of something out there, some sort of grand power. She believed that there was something after life, but maybe that stemmed from desperately hoping that somehow, one day, she’d get to see her mom again. Her phone rings, jarring her from her thoughts, and she almost doesn’t answer it, but sees that it’s the hospital. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, Tess, this is Hannah from Dr. Bradford’s office. She and your wife were pulled into surgery, but I wanted to call and let you know that based on the scans she did this morning and your blood tests, Dr. Bradford wants you to go ahead and stop your routine injections,” The familiar voice of the nurse says. “We’re going to send in the prescription for the trigger shot, which you should do tonight. Then you’ll come in tomorrow, and we’ll set a time for the retrieval the following day, once we can check on the development again, and tomorrow we’ll have you guys give the cryobank a call to have the donor sperm overnighted to us.” 

“Wow, ok,” Tess says. She’d known it was coming, but being told it was time now was crazy. “That’s great, thank you for calling.”

“Of course. Have a great night, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Tess says goodbye, hangs up the phone. Less than two days from now, all of the eggs--the Tess Eggs as her wife had named them--would be in a lab, getting hooked up with the sperm that they’d spent a long time choosing. And then buying...over the internet. That probably topped her list of weird shit she’d bought off of the internet, for sure. They’d sent a snapchat of them holding up the confirmation to Alex saying just that, and her sister-in-law had thought it was hilarious. In two days, give or take, all the eggs that were getting all comfy in her ovaries would be outside of her body, being made into embryos (Tess was looking forward to seeing what name Frankie would come up with for them). And then one of them would be injected into her wife, where it would hopefully get comfy all up in her uterus for the next nine months. 

Getting out of the car finally, Tess crosses the grass to stand in front of the headstone. She bends to gently place the roses she’d brought down on the grass against the stone. “Hi Mama,” She says softly, sitting down facing the stone. “I’m...I’m sorry, about last time,” Tess says, voice cracking. “I was really angry, and...scared. I didn’t mean it,” She says. “I just...I miss you, so much. Every day. Especially now...especially since Frankie and Charlie,” Tess says, reaching to trace her mother’s name. “I don’t know how to deal with how I feel. I’m like him, that way, I guess.” She whispers. “I shut it out, and I turn to exercise to try and deal with it. But when that was taken away...I did what he did. And I’m not going to do it again, because you...you taught me better. You made me strong, mama, and...now, I have a wife, and I...I have a little girl that calls me mama. I have a daughter,” Tess says. “And I won’t let her down. I won’t let them down.” She stares at her name on the stone, wishing that she could think it away, bring her back. But she knows that she can’t. 

“You’d love her. Well, them...both of them.” Tess smiles. “Frankie is like this...quiet force of nature. She was everything I didn’t know I needed until it was there in front of me. She changed my life, and she’s...the most beautiful woman ever. And Charlie...you would have been such a great grandma to her,” She says with a smile through tears. “She’s a lot like I was, before I lost you as a kid. But she’s even more...more smart, and creative, and she definitely has Frankie’s sass,” Tess laughs. “And now...now we’re going to try to have another one. A baby. And I’m terrified, but...I want this so bad. To make Charlie a sister, to get to be there for all of it. Frankie wants a mini me, God help her,” She says. “I wish you were here, mama, but since you can’t be...do whatever you can to help make this work, ok? Keep all of us safe, and send us...send us a mini us,” She whispers, for she was a spitting image of her mom. “Ok?” She asks, and waits. As suspected, nothing happens. She sees movement from the corner of her eye, and turns. It’s a dragon fly, it lands on the headstone, but Tess just smiles softly. “I’ll come back soon. Bye, mama,” She whispers, touching the stone, before getting up, and getting back in her car, sending Frankie a text. 

Doc says Tess-Eggs are ready for their eviction notice. You get to prick me with the trigger shot tonight! Operation mommy and mama squared is a go. 

[accsta-blog]

 hello  friends  ,  i’m  admin  ris  but  you  can  call  me  that  Big  Dumb  if  you  want  !  i  play  TWO  characters  ––  my  little  demon  RONAN  ACOSTA  and  my  sweet  forrest  princess  COSIMA  CHASE  who’s  on  her  own  main  blog  ,  so  i  will  probably  double  like  everything  possible  bc  .......  support  and  love.  anyway  !!!  below  you  will  find  some  information  about  ronan  including  wanted  connections  ,  but  feel  free  to  LIKE  THIS  if  you’d  like  me  to  come  plot  w/  you  or  just  feel  free  to  slide  into  my  dms  +  u  get  bonus  points  if  u  tell  me  a  joke  :~)

shawn mendes. twenty-two. cismale. he/him. shawn mendes. | i can’t believe i just saw RONAN ACOSTA walking out of cadence records. they’re a single POP/POP ROCK artist who’s been in the industry for SIX YEARS. the tabloids love to focus on their WITHDRAWN nature , but they’re also pretty CHARISMATIC and they seem to give off a vibe that reminds people of SUNGLASSES & BALL CAPS TO AVOID THE CAMERA , SURPRISED REACTIONS , & HIDDEN CHAOTIC BEHAVIOR. | admin ris. 21+. est. she/her.

𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.

  loose,  un-gelled  curls  ,  hidden  hickeys  ,  hiding  from  paparazzi  ,  sweet,  completely  faked  smiles  ,  a  room  full  of  laughter  ,  bad  boys  who  look  like  good  boys  ,  broken  hearts  ,  hidden  agendas  ,  honest  moments  behind  closed  doors.

𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬.

 full  name  :  ronan  mateo  acosta  /  orientation  :  pansexual  /  style  :  relaxed.  jeans  ,  tight  fitted  t-shirts  ,  put  together  but  casual.  /  family  :  angelo  &  cynthia  acosta  ,  musicians.  /  tattoos  :  butterfly  on  shoulder  ,  guitar  on  foreman  inside  ,  family  surname  on  ankle  ,  song  lyrics  (  his  moms  )  foreman  inside  ,  traveling  music  notes  around  wrist  ,  heart  outline  side  of  middle  finger. /   hometown  :  los  angeles  ,  ca.  /  zodiac  :  aries.

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲.

○ ronan grew up in the public eye , though his parents attempted to keep him very humble and out of the spotlight until he was ready. his parents are both famous musicians , his dad originating in protugal and his mom in the states , he moved to los angles after he met her and it was a true , sappy love story. they really did attempt to keep ronan’s life private but he was always Known like any famous celebrity’s child.  ○ ronan was a pretty SWEET as a kid –– though he was definitely spoiled. his parents thought that giving him everything he wanted would keep him ... behaved ? i don’t know why they thought that. but they did. give the boy what he wants and he’ll listen to us. and at first , it was working because he was still young + didn’t have his own access to their money. yet. however , as he started getting more and more , he was getting more and more stingy + pretentious.  ○ and then ronan starts to want to do his own music. he learned guitar , piano , and even the violin and begins to find his voice. as his voice finds itself and he finds his love for much , ronan & lachlan forms –– a duo group via youtube with his best friend when ronan was 15 going on 16. because of famous background , they quickly took off and because of how ronan’s parents wanted him to be seen , ronan was formed into a very pure + angelic mold and his best friend was pulled into this mold too. except , things didn’t work out being forced into a kid friendly mold for the duo as they got older , and they split about three years ago.  ○ after the split of ronan & lachlan , ronan began putting out his own music and that’s when Demon Ronan really comes out –– except , his music is mostly pg and clean and appeals to a Youngerish crowd , and he’s still keeping up with the same imagine as he was before. ronan’s music basically matches shawns with the exception of some songs + a little bit of an added rock element ; although my favorite song to put to ronan is nervous bc it’s literally the OPPOSITE of him + one of his biggest hits. his image and sound is very sweet and pure with a soft hint of ... thirst trap thrown in to keep people interested. at first , ronan didn’t really mind this and then after the split of his group + finding himself as a teen , ronan realized he REALLY didn’t fit the mold the world wanted him to.  ○ so you’d think that he’d start emerging as his true self , except his manager urges him he needs to keep him imagine pure or it might crash his career –– he’s popular to younger fans and can use this image to support things he cares about and to stay relevant. however , as time goes on , ronan just gets worse. partying , drinking , all that fun stuff all while hiding from any camera that comes in the room. it begins to be a game for him –– how long can he keep this up ? rip to all this team who had to clean up after him. gd mess. ○ anyway ! the general SUM UP of ronan is that on the outside , he’s PURE and sweet and kind with a simple addition of towering 6′2 height and perfectly sculpted arms + abs and thanks to the occasional wet shirt , the people get to see just enough to toggle the line between innocent and thirst trap. it’s definitely a thirst trap. don’t let him fool you. however , when you see the real ronan he’s a MESS who’s partying on private jets , getting drunk in the middle of the day , and having his messes cleaned up for him constantly.  ○ personality wise , ronan is FUN , no matter which side of him you may know. if you’re introduced to the fake , public eye ronan –– he’s sweet and kind and funny , but if you really known ronan –– he’s flirtatious , Wild , always offering unsolicited advice , a Pure Comedian , and a hot freaking mess and u know what ? he’s the worlds hot mess. 

𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬.

○ ronan is publicly pansexual and talks about it openly on social media & is happily an ally and support to his lgbt+ fans. this was something his manager advised against and then he was spotted kissing a Boy and took to an interview to talk about it and regularly advocates for lgbt+ youth. though there was some backlash against this , he was still coming out of his duo phase and highly regraded as a good role model + used his platform to advocate which just Progressed his pure image. it’s the one thing that’s not fake tbh.

○ ronan also talks openly about current events + issues but is careful to make sure he was research and doesn’t heavily share too much across platforms but does like to show his support for certain things. it almost feels like it would be part of his Sweet facade but he really does care about some things. believe it or not.  ○ ronan has very few close friends , though he was have some people who completely call him out on his bullshit. it’s really a surprise that the world still thinks ronan is so pure and angelic because this boy is .... a freaking ........ mess. he’s got PLENTY of party friends who happily don’t give a shit about his hannah montana style life but not many friends who .... do care that he’s a messy lil demon who’s fooling the whole world.  ○ he comes off as super humble but this boy ..... is not. not humble at all. name brand everything. best everything possible.  ○ he's actually not a terrible person despite being a demon , he’s just got super chaotic energy but hopefully like ur chaotic fav chaotic energy :~) ○ in my head , ronan is slowly starting to chip away at his innocent front –– partly intentionally + unintentionally. his new music is less innocent + his thirst traps are getting Thirstier and people are starting to realize the make up that’s always caked onto his neck and the glazed look in his eyes in the middle of the day. he can’t really get away from people noticing. his manager is going through extremes to preserve his imagine instead of having his morph into a new one. 

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.

○ he’s got a pr relationship / stunt wanted connection on the main. they are currently “ dating ” and honestly it’s hilarious. pls take this so ronan can text them stupid fake couple things and they can laugh n be dumb together. i do feel like they’re surprisingly close + this muse backs ronan up when he’s almost caught being chaotic. they got together on the nudge of ronan’s management team - why your muse as chosen can be discussed ! but they help better his image + they so really Look like a couple but they’re just friends :~)  ○ other things include fwb , exes , friends , party/bad influence friends , etc. specially , i would love a close friend , the closest thing ronan would say to best friend. they get him and his chaotic energy. they just get each other and he’s comfortable around them.  ○ would also really love some type of will they / won’t they who likely thinks ronan is in an actual relationship but they also know ronan is a hot mess and this person is NOT his type + they suspect it’s a stunt but he refuses to tell them the truth. 

[hilarieburtonmorgan]

Why Hilarie Burton Finally Married Jeffrey Dean Morgan: 'We Wanted to Be a Concrete Truth'

Hilarie Burton is one happy wife.

On Tuesday, the One Tree Hill star spoke to PEOPLE at Lifetime’s It’s a Wonderful Lifetime Holiday Movie Press Junket and explained her decision to marry Jeffrey Dean Morgan earlier this month after a decade together.

“We had built this life together,” said Burton, who shares 9-year-old son Gus and 19-month daughter George with the Walking Dead actor. “We’d had kids together. I think there comes a point where you just don’t want to go another day by being inauthentic about it.”

“I have a book coming out in March with Harper One called The Rural Diaries, and it really is about the choices that we made leaving L.A. to go live on a farm in upstate New York,” she added. “It’s not a convenient lifestyle, certainly for our business, but those choices that we made to create that life have really forced us to be, yeah, more authentic with our choices, like the animals have to be fed, the wood has to be chopped, and so we wanted to be a concrete truth, like those things.”

Burton, 37, and Morgan, 53, revealed on Oct. 7 that they had tied the knot over the weekend, contrary to reports that they had already wed years ago. His rep later confirmed to PEOPLE that the couple wed in New York on Oct. 5.

“It was a couple months,” Burton told PEOPLE of the wedding planning process. “It wasn’t a big deal. It was like nothing.”

For her special day, Burton wore a stunning Carol Hannah strapless gown, which she said took the fashion designer only three weeks to make.

“She’s a really cool chick,” she said of Hannah. “I didn’t know she was on Project Runway when I found her. I mean, she did all the bust work and did all the ruffles. She’s a cool, edgy chick that understood exactly what I wanted even though I didn’t know how to articulate that.”

“Jeff really wanted it to be very traditional,” Burton continued. “And I was like, ‘No, I’m wearing a red dress. I’m definitely wearing a red dress.’ I don’t like to do things the way everybody else does things. And up until I walked down the aisle, he thought I was wearing a red dress. Our son lied to him and said, ‘Oh, mom got a red dress.’ “

Burton said that her nuptials were “probably the only time I’ll ever wear a white dress in my life.”

“It’s one and done, man,” she added. “And so it fit, it was appropriate for the moment. I didn’t anticipate having a traditional wedding. I thought it was going to be very casual, but as it got planned, it became very traditional.”

The actress also spoke about her and Morgan’s vows, which she referred to as “a strange thing” due to the lack of formality.

“I mean, there was people interjecting and our kids crawling all over us,” she recalled. “And so it was a very conversational thing. I’ve been married on TV, and so it was very different from that, that’s what I’ll say.”

When announcing her marriage to Morgan, Burton shared a sweet Instagram post of a stunning black and white image of their special day captured by photographer Sasithon Pooviriyakul

“This past weekend was the best of my entire life,” she began. “There are dozens of thank yous I need to make. So bear with me over the next week as I gush over the amazing group of people who gave us this beautiful moment. But before we do any of that, Jeff and I just want to put it out there that WE GOT MARRIED! For real.”

“We’ve lived as husband and wife for a decade. We’ve built a family, and a farm and found our community,” she continued. “For years, publications have reported that we got married in 2014 or 2015 and that I’ve been married and divorced before. All untrue. But WE knew our truth. So it felt silly to try and correct anything.”

“I love you Jeffrey,” she concluded. “I love our intimate group of friends and family who joined us. I love the various circles of loved ones who have supported us over the years. It was private and magical and everything I dreamed. So yeah. I’m Mrs. Morgan. 10.5.19.”

She also changed her name on Instagram to Hilarie Burton Morgan.

Her Supernatural actor husband— who looked dashing in Joseph Abboud — kept his caption short and sweet.

“I’d say words… but there aren’t any,” he wrote. “Mrs Morgan…. I love you. Thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world. Xojd.”

Burton, who starred in Lifetime’s The Christmas Contract last year, will star as middle school art teacher Faith in the upcoming movie, A Christmas Wish.

“Faith’s character is someone who obviously puts her job and the kids and everyone else before herself,” Burton said at the junket. “So her little sister comes to town with a cute boyfriend and is very, very happy and wants her older sister to also find some happiness. And so she makes a wish for her older sister that she finds true love at Christmas.”

But the thing that stood out to Burton was the opportunity to “play with all the stereotypes” of what true love actually is.

“As someone who’s done a lot of these movies, there’s repeat offenses, whether it’s like, ‘Oops, I tripped and fell,’ or like, ‘He spilled hot chocolate on me,’” She said. “Those kind of dorky moments get portrayed as romantic, and I don’t buy them. So we get to make fun of them in this.”

A Christmas Wish premieres Nov. 28 at 8 p.m. ET on Lifetime.

[amyscascadingtabs]

johanna’s amazing fic rec list that no one asked for

so this might seem pretty out of the blue because, well, as mentioned, absolutely no one has asked for this. but i’m an avid fic-reader, and i love giving appreciation to other writers out here, so i thought i might as well do an actual list of my faves/recommendations/works i think everyone should read. here goes! ❤︎

warning: about 50% of this is kid fics. i’m not even sorry.

and all my world is losing light by clones_and_gallifrey

if i remember correctly, i read this fic in one go when procrastinating studying and i have reread it more than once. it's the perfect amount of angst with a beautiful fluffy ending and even though i hate the thought of amy going through a pregnancy without jake by her side, it works so well here.

beg the moon to stay by @dmigod

everything em writes is beautiful but this might just be my fave; it's pure peraltiago-centric poetry about amy's love for routines and jake which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. ❤

i'm dedicating every day to you by @fourdrinkamy

emma is a kidfic-fluff-queen and this story of jake waking up to three different father's days never fails to makes me smile. read it, you won't regret it. 

in these dark and quiet hours by @elsaclack i'm a sucker for the post-prison reunion fics, and like everyone else on here i'm a sucker for em's writing. this fic is absolutely beautiful and always makes me tear up a little when i read it. the perfect reminder that even though these two have been through hell, they're healing, together. ❤︎

it's always gonna be you and you and me, babe by @nevermindthewind

the first part in this series was one of the first b99fics i've ever read, and if you haven't discovered so by now, hannah is one of my favorite fic authors probably ever especially for kid fics. i love everything about these two pregnancy/baby-fics; the neat detail with the weeks and days (super satisfying if you're curious and probably a little bit too nerdy like me), the overall cuteness, the humor and how it all fits together to create these two beautiful works that i've reread one too many times. ❤︎

i've been missing you since we were eighteen by tiredperalta

i don't often read things from gina's perspective, so this is a both refreshing and beautifully written piece about gina and jake reuniting after he's been to prison. i love their friendship and this fic is the perfect tribute to it. 

i will be your home, keep you warm when it is cold and all you've done is more than enough by @nolookfive

intensely beautiful in all its sadness. when i read the first part of this fic, i simply closed my computer and tried to forget it as soon as possible because it made me too sad. now, when there's a satisfying epilogue to it, i can handle reading it and i often go back to these when i need my perfect dose of peraltiago supporting each other through tough times. 

like the color when spring is born by @nevermindthewind i'm not exaggerating when i say i know the plot and most of the conversation to these pregnancy drabbles by heart. every now and then i ask myself "do i really want to reread these again" and the answer is practically always yes. i can't get enough. if you haven't read this fluff, you're missing out. 

love me, just for a bit by @sergeant-santiago

iconic for a reason and dare i say probably my fave au?? if i could accept jake and amy meeting in any other way than they do in the show, it would be this for sure. it's funny, so incredibly real to the characters, and sexy. what else can you ask for honestly

so close to reaching that famous happy end by @startofamoment

if you're not following this yet, what are you even doing? yet another au i love, this one with time-travel (yup you heard that right). it has some good s1 jake and amy with both bickering and a little bit of pining mixed together with kid fic cuteness and the incredible maxwell peralta and i seriously can't wait to see how this is going to end, which is something i never thought i'd say about a time-travel au of all au's.  

stake me out tonight (i don't wanna let you go) by @peraltiagoisland

i-c-o-n-i-q-u-e. i assume almost everyone has read this but it still deserves a place on this list. if you're not into smut you should skip this one, but if you are, go for it and read it all in one go and thank me later. it's hot. it's also hilarious at times and adorably sweet at times which just goes to show for how incredible of a writer michelle is. 

the ultimate trick-or-treat by @nevermindthewind

i was incredibly lucky to get to beta-read this meaning i have loved this fic since before it was published!! brag. no, but seriously, i'm not kidding when i call this fic a masterpiece - it really is and now i'm going to be disappointed if their first kid is born in any other way on the show, aha. the car scene in this is so intense i almost threw my phone reading it and my mind kept flashing back to it and panicking for a few days after but the ending is (almost) perfect enough to make up for it. 

the world didn't sing without you by @fourdrinkamy i think this might be my favorite peraltiago oneshot-collection!! perfect if you just need some quick pick-me-up fluff with these two lovable dorks and never fails to make me smile. number five is my fave but all of these are truly incredible!!

when you smile, you knock me out i fall apart by @amazingsantiago have you noticed i love kid fics yet? i love this story, i love charles and terry and amy comforting jake about being a father, i love the image of amy singing along to hamilton, and i love babies. so much love. 

you do know me by @johnny-and-dora

siân is such an incredible writer whose work i adore so much, but i think this might possible be my fave of hers. i love the image of jake doing cheesy things for amy and i love all references to the bet and this whole fic is just. ah. go read it 'cause you won't regret it.

you held your course to some distant war in the corners of your mind by @elsaclack

one last baby-fic recommendation! so many incredible lines in this, both conversation and description, and a work i could reread forever without growing tired. nothing warms my heart more than well-written peraltiago with a baby and this hits just the spot. 

[grassangel]

Tag Game

RULES: tag ten followers you want to know better!

Tagged by: @zabbers

TAGGING: Not tagging because ten is a lot

STAR SIGN: Libra

HEIGHT: 165cm or about 5′ 6″

PUT YOUR ITUNES/SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 4 SONGS THAT POPPED UP? Let’s try what Spotify gives me, because the music I have on my laptop is sometimes hilariously old and my Spotify collection is slightly newer though slightly more obscure.

For Those We Loved - Austin Wintory (Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate OST) White Winter Hymnal - Portland Cello Project Hey Little Songbird - Hadestown: the Myth, the Musical Dansaðu vindur - Eivør (there’s also a charming version on YouTube with a sign language performer as well, though the videographer/editor of the video doesn’t include her consistently) So uh... foreign language tracks, soundtracks and obscure little bands. Mostly soundtracks because that’s seemingly what I use Spotify for the most.

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? Going with Good Omens over The Missy Chronicles: “Having a baby is the single most joyous co-experience that– (–two human beings can share, and he wasn’t going to miss a second of it.)

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? No? I don’t think so, but it’s entirely plausible someone has just not shared it with me because that’s a bit weird. (Stuff written for me on the other hand, yes.)

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? If air conducting/air drums count, probably a couple of weeks ago. 

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? Look, I’m very very ace. There are people who I admire and people who I could stare at for ages, so lets have Cori Gonzalez-Macuer, Sarah Millican and Rose Matefeo for the former and Hannah John-Kamen, Gemma Chan and Jodie Whittaker for the latter

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE + SOUND YOU LOVE? HATE: Open mouthed chewing & the sucking sound when people try to clean something stuck between their teeth with just their tongue.  LOVE: Heavy rain, and the wind causing a fire to roar even louder.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? Not in the sense of visible apparitions, or spirits with a particular purpose. But, to borrow an idea from a favourite series of mine, a place can be imbued with a mood. (And the mood that sticks around strongest is one of despair/loss.)

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? Yes. In the very cynical, on far off planets and probably only bacteria 85% of the time kind of way.

DO YOU DRIVE? In theory. I have a learners license and have done for ages and even failed a try at my restricted, and I should try again, even if it’s only for automatics. But I hate it. May the reign of self-driving cars come quickly, because I don’t trust other people in fast-moving metal shells one bit.

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? No. Thankfully.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? The Missy Chronicles.

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? Yes.

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? Star Trek: Into Darkness. (Kind of, I wasn’t particularly paying much attention to it on the TV, but it was enough to get the gist of it.)

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? Sprained ankles times 5? I did have to have surgery twice to remove an abscess, but that isn’t an injury.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? I’m still deep in the Doctor Who, Doctor/Master pit. And I probably won’t leave until at least the new series starts up, and even then I’ve got the image of Thirteen/Missy wanting to be realised.

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? Yes. Generally of the once bitten, twice shy kind of grudge. (Which tend to dissipate quickly if it’s a friend who did wrong and they don’t repeat what they’ve done/continue that attitude).

IN A RELATIONSHIP? Nope. Please refer to the very ace comment above. (Though I’m also bi and poly, so yes please, but no thank you if that makes any sense.)

[justwritingscibbles]

Excuse me, Anti Anon, I came here to stalk my wife's page, not be assaulted with blissful images. Thank you. ☠️

If you want some flustered reactions and hilarious comments, go to Hannah's page and bomb her with Anti things. It's a great time.

[magicmirrored]

On March 22, 2014, I created whiteravenandblackdove, my first ever fandomless OC roleplay blog on Tumblr. I had previously only played canons up to that point, and I hadn’t been roleplaying on Tumblr for long. Over three years, I built up relationships, not just with muses but with muns, had interacted with pushy/rule-breaking blogs, had a months-long incident with an emotional manipulator, real-life matters, and long nights of fun dash shenanigans. I met some absolutely amazing people there, some I still talk to, others I don’t.

Eventually, I changed the years-old URL to magicmirrored.

Come 2017, and I was preoccupied with one of my other blogs, and had been neglecting the twins for months due to lack of motivation and just an overall feeling of negativity whenever I logged on. But I have had Laine and Zane Misota as characters for years, and I was not going to give up on them.

So I rebooted. Started over fresh. And it was the best idea I had.

I have never met a group of people so readily accepting and welcoming of a new person, so actively kind and appreciative of one another. On the old blog, I always had this issue of “belonging”--I was fandomless and an OC blog, I didn’t fit in anywhere. Now, despite my dash being a wide array of fandoms, I’ve realized that it isn’t a fandom that makes me feel loved: it was the people. And you all have made me feel so at home over the past two months that I’ve had this blog so far. I cannot express just how grateful I am.

It’s been a long time since I’ve consistently had this much fun on a roleplay blog.

So! Let’s get to the sappy part, shall we?

THE SHITPOST CRUSADERS

I would be absolutely remiss to not mention these guys. These people have accepted me and treated me like one of their own from day one, have supported me in the lowest points of my life, have cheered me up whenever I needed it. We’ve dealt with drama and shitty people, dealt with our internal issues, and given each other a resource of love and support that I honestly don’t know where I’d be without. You guys aren’t just my closest friends, you guys are my family. I am honored to be a part of such an amazing group.

I’m not going to tag all of you because half of you aren’t on Tumblr too much anymore (not that I blame you), but know that I absolutely love you guys. Thank you for everything. <3

THE VANGUARD’S FINEST

These are the people I talk to/interact with the most, those who have become dear friends to me and who I love with all my heart.

@shadowhunting-wolf: Dakota!! My IRL best friend, my sister, my DUDE. Words can’t describe how absolutely proud I am of you. You’ve gone on to follow your dream, your calling, regardless of who says what. Even when you have doubts about yourself, you’ve never given up. You are a beautiful, creative, and astounding person who I’m honored to call my best friend. I love you bro <3

@unfriiended Wyatt! I honestly owe the success of my blog to you. Because of your immediate acceptance and welcome of me, others saw me and welcomed me as well, and suddenly, I had a new group of friends that had become invaluable to me--very much including you. You are such a positive force on my dash, the image of staying kind, even if the rest of the world around you is not. That speaks volumes about your personal integrity, and I am absolutely honored to be friends with someone as creative and talented and overall amazing as you are. Make sure to take care of yourself <3

@fakedself: Toki! Holy shit where do I even begin with you? Your writing’s gorgeous and fluid, your art is lovely (especially the coloring, fuck i love your coloring???), your characterization is absolutely top-notch, your passion for Jared is admirable--there’s just too much to talk about! OOC, however, you are simply amazing. You are such a fun and friendly individual to interact with, and are always willing to hear me out on whatever ideas I may have for our muses (whether they’re adorable, painful, or both if we’re lucky). Thanks for that, by the way--I know I can get long-winded, so thank you for being so patient with me. And when it came to personal shit, you were endlessly supportive, and it means to much to me. I fucking love you man <3

@greenxnova / @mysteryisms: Connor! One of the most adorable, kindest kids that I know! I love your writing, your art, your ideas--everything! You’re an absolute joy to talk to, whether it’s plotting or screaming about current interactions or just talking nonsense, I always love whenever we talk. Your creativity is amazing, and I love seeing what else you’ll do with your characters, and the interactions they have with others. I know sometimes you may doubt yourself, but never forget that you are such a talented person--and remember that you can only grow from where you are with practice <3

@h-eadphxnes: Cece! Ohhhh my god, where to begin, because there is so much that I can say about you?? You’re such a sweetheart to everyone you meet, you’re easygoing with a great sense of humor, you’re insanely creative, honestly you’re an inspiration! You have such interesting characterization and execution of said characterization, and your prose writing is something I always look forward to seeing. I am honored to know someone like you <3

@setsfire: Eli! I’ve followed you since this blog’s conception, and you have been nothing short of sweet and courteous to me, even when we weren’t mutuals (I have seen people been less than kind to their non-mutual followers). Your passion for Rich is incredibly admirable, and it’s always a joy to watch you develop him and flesh him out and give him the proper respect he deserves as a character. Your writing is gorgeous and lively, and it complements your characterization of Rich beautifully. I hope we can interact more soon <3

@totallyboss: Ky! You know I think it’s pretty fucking hilarious how we met over a game of CAH, and we’ve been friends ever since! Listen Ky, your writing is flowing and descriptive and bursting with character, your passion for Jake is infectious, your art is simply beautiful! And OOC, you are welcoming and excited and an absolute joy to talk to and plot with. I love talking to you, whether about characters or shows or art or whatever we happen to speak about. I always look forward to every conversation we have. Keep doing you <3

@snowlost / @vintageloved: Richie! Holy fuck dude I love you. Seeing you on my dashmakes my day a little bit brighter. I adore your characterization of whatever muse you have, and I always look forward to interacting with you. You are so sweet and fun and creative and are just so pleasant to speak with. You are precious and adorable and so talented, especially with your graphics! Thanks for staying with me for so long, it means so much to me, you are such a wonderful friend <3

@pitifulbefore: Lune! Like Eli, you have been nothing short of kind and courteous to me when we were non-mutuals, and nothing about that has changed since we became mutuals. Your passion for Jeremy is so admirable, and it’s always a pleasure to see you so excited over him. Your writing is fluid and personalized, capturing every tic and every motion expertly. -hugs- I know things haven’t been going well for you lately, so I’m sending out my love to you. You are a strong, brave person, and I believe in you <3

@plcyerone / @sawcoming: Minnie! Again, even when we weren’t mutuals, you were so kind and accepting of me. You treated me like a friend, and were so warm and open that I felt immediately comfortable around you. Your writing is beautiful, your characterization lively, your voice-acting really nice! And your edits, god, your talent for editing is simply fantastic! You are so kind,and I simply adore you <3

@irnwrk / @3amhigh: Bane! I really have to thank you--I had never really tried to interact with a blog I wasn’t mutuals with, but you were so polite in answering my questions and reassuring me. It meant so much to me. God, you are so creative and passionate with each muse that you make. Your writing is nothing short of captivating, and I look forward to reading each reply of yours. Thank you for being so accepting and kind; we need more people like you in the world <3

@wisheddead: Lex! Can I just mention how incredibly strong and brave you are? Even when faced with backlash and internal struggles, you still log on, still spread love and positivity to your friends. That is incredibly admirable, and you should be so proud. I love your take on Michael, how you portray his struggles, his flaws, his strengths. You are an absolute sweetheart and I love talking with you <3

@missingkxd: Hannah! The moment I posted that thing about wanting ships, it was all down hill from there. We are way too deep into this hell and I am loving it. There’s something so special about your writing that I can’t quite place--I think it’s just how much character is shown in your narration. It is nothing short of excellent. I adore plotting with you, and I always look forward to reading a reply of yours because I’m always captivated by what you write. You are an open and honest person, one who is so kind and considerate and so very, very strong. I love you so much <3

@outofthelight: Callie! Truly one of the sweetest people I know, someone with plenty of creative ideas and excellent characterization. Seriously, I cannot get over how much you nail Evan’s character, and how your writing style reflects that. You are such an articulate and well-spoken person; talking with you is a joy. You are always there to give me support when I need it, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. You are absolutely wonderful, don’t forget that <3

@kibouzuru: Melody! My dude! You and I have been following each other for--fuck, for years now! We instantly clicked when I had my Komaru, and we’ve been friends ever since. You have been nothing short of kind and friendly and fun to me, whether it’s planning out angst or ships, huge fight scenes, or indulging ourselves in some self-insert writing. You are one of my dearest friends and I am so lucky to have met and continue to know you <3

@titanslayer: Nat! Holy fuck are you amazing. You try your absolute damnedest to make sure everyone else is happy and knows they’re loved, and you have enough sense to know when you yourself need time to recharge. You have an excellent grasp on the technicalities of writing, being able to go from serious writing to GARLIC KNOTS in an instant.I have seen few people with the passion for your muse that you do, and you have earned my respect for that (and, in turn, gave me more respect for Jason). Take care of yourself Gramma <3

@childrenofeney: Sol! God, where do I begin with you? No matter where I go, you follow, and you are so endlessly supportive and fun and cheerful and creative. It means so, so much to me that you care so much about me and my twins that you’ve stuck with me for nearly, what, four years? You are one of my dearest friends, and I wish you nothing but the best <3

@humcne​ / @lvnarloser​: Dromio! To think just how fast we became friends because you sent in a meme that broke Laine on a whim. We clicked immediately, and started throwing out plots to one another and getting so excited over our kids! You are so sweet and compassionate, and we even had fun venting with one another. I love your passion for all your characters, and your writing is a joy to read. I certainly hope we continue to interact <3

@charmingxsolace / @sora12212: Sora! I don’t even know if you’re going to see this--I don’t know how often you lurk Tumblr anymore--but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention you. You have supported me for years, always willing to lend an ear when I needed it and give me some love when I was down. I love and appreciate you and everything you do, whether it’s writing, drawing, or screaming. I really hope you see this, because you deserve to know what a lovely, unique individual you are <3

MODEL SOLDIERS

Those who I haven’t talked to as much and/or admire from afar, but would very much like to interact with!

@oftextmessages | @positronicminds | @heereyo | @lifeisaboat | @livedyears | @circusdcll | @selftrue | @fuckiingclown | @derrybcrn | @diiagnose | @dumbandantisocicl | @saitamagc / @varicnce | @purestcounselor | @eidetic187 | @shesnctafraid | @starcoveredcuffs | @nightsmaren | @stxgedork | @mindlcssvandalism | @runawaywish | @whipon | @grcysleuth | @truthbcund | @goldenpontifexmaximus / @likemymcther | @bittenvigilante | @theyrose | @ecstasyofblood​ | @cosmcther​ | @pigmeats | @fcrfcrever

And, of course...

SIGNIFICANT ANNOYANCE

@hopeprevaiils/@nepvudum

Hi Som ily

No, but really... I have to have a separate section for my significant other, Somari. I would absolutely not be the person I am today without them. In the months leading up to our relationship, they became one of my closest friends. We vented to each other, we gushed with each other, we stayed up until 4 AM on multiple occasions discussing headcanons for our muses. Our relationship went off to a bit of a rocky start, with the aforementioned emotional manipulator doing, well, what they do best, but we did not waver. Because of them, I’ve begun a recovery process--years of self-deprecation and self-hatred have finally begun to leave me. Because of Somari, I’ve actually begun to build a basis of self-confidence. I’ve begun to look at the things I’ve made and say, “Hey, this is actually alright.” Because of them, I’m starting to see myself as someone who is worth something.

Because of them, I’ve begun to love myself.

I love you so, so much Somari. You are a gift to my life, and I hope our future is bright. And even if it isn’t, you know we’ll fight like hell to create some light ourselves.

Thank you to everyone for sticking with me, supporting me, writing with me, and being dear friends to me.

Here’s to even better times in the future!

--Sakra

[anamedblog]

ANAMED Newsletter - How has the global pandemic affected your ANAMED fellowship life and associated research?

by Dustin Klinger , ANAMED PhD Fellow (2019-2020) 

Billie doesn’t like the sound of sirens (own photo)

Serendipity and Research: In Praise of Fellowship

I was asked to contribute something about how the pandemic has affected my fellowship life and associated research. But I want to make this a little more personal and add a thought about why I think that a fellowship is such an important way to create the conditions for professional interactions that are not immediately purpose driven. Without such interactions, I believe, the scholarship produced would be much impoverished. It is only from my current confinement that I fully realize the value of sharing a physical space with a community of researchers. During my fellowship I myself learned so much that I could not have sought out all by myself. Some of that now helps me think about my work in new ways. What I want to also say, then, is a word of “thank you!” to everyone who made this possible. Inevitably, that will be from my own perspective. But I am sure that everyone who is part of a fellowship program will have similar experiences. That’s why this is written to fellowship.

When I left Istanbul in March to present at a conference in Canada, COVID-19 was already on the news, but few were foreseeing the extent to which the pandemic was going to affect people’s lives all over the world. I got stranded in New York. Within a week of my arrival the city had turned into one of the major epicenters of the pandemic. It’s been two and a half months of staying in a Brooklyn house with my partner, only going out of doors to walk our dog Billie. And it’s been eerie.

As of now there are more recorded deaths from COVID-19 in Brooklyn alone than in all of Turkey combined. For a period of time in April, on average, every three minutes a New Yorker died from the novel coronavirus. My thoughts are with all those whose lives and livelihoods are affected by this health crisis. To me the strangest thing about these past months was the complete disconnect between my lived experience and the events as they unfolded in the outside world. These events were accessible to me only through numbers, images, and letters on a screen. Were it not for the constant sound of sirens, the seven o’clock cheering for healthcare workers, and the rare trips to the grocery store with mask and gloves, it could all have been in a parallel universe. To me, it kept feeling like an eternity in which nothing was happening and so much was changing. This feeling of disconnect was such that one day I put on protective gear and cycled to Manhattan, just to see whether she was still there. The buildings were, but the place I knew wasn’t.

Manhattan still there (own photo). For some powerful NYC lockdown photography, see https://www.instagram.com/newyorknico/?hl=en

Stranger still has been perhaps the feeling that while so many people were suffering around me, I was making good progress with my work. Even if not affected by the virus directly, tens of millions of Americans have lost their jobs, some of them friends. But in contrast to jobs in hospitality, for example, a researcher’s job can to a large extent be done in isolation. In fact, the crisis has shown us that the lion’s share of an academic job, be it studying, teaching, or producing scholarship, can pretty successfully be done remotely. As universities have transitioned to remote teaching across the country, with many of them carrying on with online instruction in the fall semester, the question arises: what is really lost by not being physically present on campus? For many incoming students it might be the “college experience,” an idea of education broader than the processing of new information.

But beyond that, I think something crucial to scholarship itself is lost when scholars are not living and working in the same physical space. If you have been working from quarantine, you might be able to relate to this: interaction online, be it with colleagues, advisors, or advisees, live or written, tends to be purpose driven. You tend to have in mind, already before the interaction, an objective, and it is because of that objective that you have such interaction in the first place. Such purpose-driven interaction is of course common offline, too—going to someone’s office-hours, for example. But in front of a screen, it seems to me, that’s pretty much all there is. You set out from what you already know on a quest for a specific piece of information. But you cannot look for an answer to a question that you cannot conceive of in the first place.

Confinement of the screen (own photo)

Finding an answer to something you weren’t looking for, or for which you didn’t even know there was a question to begin with, is what I mean by serendipity in scholarship. And that naturally tends to happen in the kinds of interactions that are not purpose driven from the start. Such interactions don’t occur in scheduled calls; they tend to occur when you are precisely not looking for specific kinds of information. Fellowship programs like ANAMED’s contribute to scholarship not only by providing the material circumstances for scholars to carry out and share their work but also by creating the conditions in which scholarly serendipity is possible.

Sadly, the pandemic effectively ended my stay at ANAMED prematurely. Many of the other fellows have returned to their homes, too. It is from the confinement of my screen that I realize how much is lost, not only on the personal level but also in terms of the serendipitous finds that either have already influenced my research, or might do so in some way or another in the future. That is why I want to thank everyone who made it possible for me to encounter things I didn’t look for. Let that stand for the numerous similar experiences I am sure many fellows have had—and thus for the power of fellowship.

Without the chance encounter with Professor Borbone, on whose side of the table at the Georgian restaurant Galaktion I sat at a fellows’ dinner, I would not have known about annotations to a Syriac manuscript in Bar Hebraeus’s hand, nor would I have gone to the small Hacı Selim Ağa Yazma Eser Kütüphanesi in Üsküdar, where I found a bunch of medieval Arabic manuscripts on logic that I had not seen described anywhere before. Thank you, Professor Borbone, and thank you, Rachel, for organizing this dinner. And Alex, for bringing Professor Borbone in straight from Almaty, for introducing me, and for scouting out the tiny reading room of the Hacı Selim Ağa library with me; and so much more.

Hacı Selim Ağa Yazma Eser Kütüphanesi in Üsküdar (photo from http://www.haciselimaga.yek.gov.tr)

Without the late-night fancy that brought us into the archaeological lab at ANAMED, I would not know how archaeobotanists and zooarchaeologists figure out astonishing things about the lives and habits of Neolithic communities by studying bones and plant residues from archaeological sites. Thank you, Müge, for showing us your assortments of grains and bones and for explaining to us the work you and Hannah are doing. And of course, for taking Alvise and me to Burgazada.

Without the lively and often hilarious stories and images that Henry, Jeff, and Alex brought back from their research trips, “Tur Abdin” would be but a name for me. Thank you all for bringing to life and helping me imagine the landscape and monastic culture of an area I knew nothing about but that is so important for understanding the translation movement from Greek to Syriac and Arabic. I still hope I can go with you one day.

With Müge and Alvise on Burgazada (own photo)

These are but a few instances where I felt I was shown something that I would not have purposefully looked for and that had a direct impact on some of the things I am thinking about in my own research. I could go on, of course, to thank Athena, Rinse, Emre, Alvise, Güldem, Emine, Bianca, and Nergis Hoca for showing me so much I didn’t know about archaeological questions, methods, and sites. For example, I did not know what landscape archaeology was. (And to Nergis Hoca for impromptu Turkish lessons; aşkımız çıkmaz sokak, or what was it?) Thank you to the Ottomanists (if I may group you thus) Betül, Hakan, Gülşah, Faiz, and Ellen—and to Rachel for taking me out for dinner with Leslie Pierce—for teaching me much about the Ottoman Empire and sparking my interest in further reading on different aspects.

From my first trip to Süleymaniye with Ibrahim (own photo)

Thank you to Catie and Ömür for making me think about identity studies, the Anthropocene, and heritage, all of which I was skeptical about, but to which I gained access thanks to your work. Ibrahim, thank you for introducing me to Süleymaniye, for talking about manuscripts and Sufism, and for taking me to a conference at the Swedish Institute where I learned much. Thank you, Rachel, for giving me an insight into diglossia in Armenian manuscript culture, and so much more. Thank you, Mark, Milan, and Giovanni for filling in my patchy knowledge of the Byzantine world with homilies, literary (self-) characterizations, and art. Thank you, Hüseyin, for reminding me of my fascination with epigraphy. Thank you, Athanasios, for showing me how the serious and meticulous history about the petty aristocracy can be so exciting.

Writing from the confinement of my screen where little spontaneity is possible, I am grateful for the time we all spent together as fellows in Merkez Han and all the unexpected finds you made me stumble upon. For many of you, I still have questions. I wanted to talk with you, Faiz, about writing history books, because I found your prose so gripping. And I wanted to talk with you, Chris, about your book on Lydia, of which I read some parts. Maybe chance will have it that we will do that in the future. For now, I want to thank you all, and of course especially, Duygu and Chris, Mukaddes, and the entire staff of ANAMED who helped create this atmosphere of fellowship. As the academic world might see some more or less momentous changes in the aftermath of this pandemic, I hope that researchers, administrators, and funding bodies don’t overlook to what extent research is fueled by the possibility of serendipity that fellowships like ANAMED’s are so well prepared to provide.

—Dustin Klinger, PhD Fellow, 27 May 2020

[gillytweed]

Cat Nap Chapter 2

Notes: And here’s Cat Nap chapter 2! Took a bit but I’m hoping to hop back into writing now that I’m no longer working and have more me time. 

The first chapter can be found here!

Akko had to hide behind her book to conceal her chuckle. The sight of Diana stretching in her cat form was rather hilarious if one knew she was actually human. The thought of the blonde stretching the same way but as a human always made giggles bubble in her throat, but thus far she’d done a good job of hiding her mirth. A good track record considering they’d had this arrangement going for about two months now. She let her eyes track Diana’s tail as it swished through the air, a low groan of satisfaction rumbling in the cat’s chest as she finished her stretch. The blonde shook herself, a few strands of fur flying into the air and settling on the table they’d situated themselves at in the far corner of the library before returning to her reading on Magic Linguistics.

After a bit of research, Akko was fairly certain that as a cat Diana was an American Short hair. A bit hilarious considering the blonde was from Scotland. Her blonde coat, a bit lighter than her human hair colour, was dotted with a ever so slightly darker pattern of spots and stripes, and her blue eyes somehow looked just as sharp and intelligent in the face of a cat as they did when she was human. It reinforced the fact that Diana was, in general, a beautiful creature no matter what form she took.

Akko shuffled a bit, blushing at where her thoughts had gone, and tried to relax a little more into her chair as she attempted to refocus on her book. Magic Law wasn’t the most interesting of subjects, but she did feel a bit of pride in the fact that she was getting better. Even more so now that she was taking Diana to the library practically every weekend, where she really didn’t have much else to do but study as well.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Diana absorbed in a book on advanced Magic Linguistics. The book was propped up by several others of varying subjects, which let the girl turned cat simply swipe the pages on her own, as when the book was laid down, her claws would more often than not tear the pages or her paw would swipe at an awkward angle, crumpling the paper. It was an idea Akko was rather proud to say she came up with, especially after her concentration was broken so many times when Diana would meow for the page to be turned, which happened rather often considering Diana read fast. The blonde could blaze through a chapter in the time it took Akko to get through a few pages of her own, an ability that made her status as the top student all the more obvious.

Taking a deep breath, she dragged her eyes away from Diana. She’d found it had become much harder to focus on her own studies the longer they stayed in the library. The first hour or so would be rather productive. She’d finish a chapter or write some notes, maybe even do a practice sheet of questions, but almost every time they’d reach the sixty minute mark her focus would begin to wander. Gradually at first, the flick of Diana’s tail would catch her eye, or the sound of a yawn would pull her attention over, then she’d simply lose time as she’d observe the other girl.

The way she sat, spine straight and regal with her tail wrapped neatly around her paws, always brought up an image of human Diana in her mind. As did the way she’d tilt her head slightly as she considered something she’d read, and how she’d reach out with her paw to turn a page. Every action always seemed to create a ghost in Akko’s mind, her imagination showing her the human equivalent. She couldn’t exactly say that it was a bad thing, but it sure was distracting.

Yawning a little, she slumped a bit in her chair, letting her eyes fall shut as she rested her book on her chest. A few moments to rest her eyes wouldn’t hurt. She’d done it before and she’d generally managed to focus a bit better after the fact. Another yawn slipped from her as she took her break. It was a couple hours from dinner time, so the sun was just starting to set, making warm sunlight stream in through the many windows and heating the room to a comfortable warmth.

She could have sworn she’d closed her eyes for only a few minutes, but when she opened them she felt groggy and the library had been thrown into a soft darkness. The large clock above the checkout desk told her that it was about half an hour before dinner. She yawned widely, letting her jaw pop as she stretched her arms above her head. Blinking, she turned to look for Diana, heart stuttering when she found the girl turned feline gone from her perch on the table.

Trying not to look visibly panicked, as there were still quite a few people left in the library, she scanned around to the other tables, trying to catch sight of a flickering blonde tail. After she couldn’t spot her in the main area, she began to wander between the shelves. She couldn’t have wandered that far could she? Diana wasn’t one to simply vanish without a word or at least leaving a note.

When she couldn’t find her after several minutes of searching, her imagination began to wander. Had she somehow been catnapped? She was adorable after all. Akko wouldn’t be surprised if someone resorted to catnapping simply to have such an adorable cat. Could she have wandered into the restricted samples section and gotten eaten by a carnivorous plant? There were some pretty dangerous magical objects in there and as a cat she was rather small, then again it was restricted. Her imagination continued to distract her, so much so that she nearly ran full on into another student.

The other girl blinked, a stack of books in her arms, as Akko weaved around her awkwardly, almost falling over in an attempt to avoid a collision. Once balanced, she straightened and felt another surge of panic as she realized she’d almost run into one of Diana’s roommates, Barbara.

“Oh, hi Akko, where’s your cat friend?” Akko smiled awkwardly. Apparently more than a few people had noticed her new companion, and in hindsight just suddenly having a cat wasn’t exactly subtle.

“Uuh, I was just looking for her actually…” She tried to inch away, hoping to end the conversation before something that could compromise her and Diana’s arrangement happened. If they were found out it would be kind of hard to explain. What would they say? ‘Oh Diana was stressed so I turned her into a cat to avoid everyone.’ Yeah, that would totally work.

“Oh cool, I’ll help you. What’s her name?” Well tits…. Akko had always found Barbara to be a bit more friendly than Hannah, even more so now that she and Diana seemed to be on good terms, but in this situation she wished that Barbara would go back to being her original mocking self.

“Di-cat..uh.” She fumbled for an answer, starting to automatically say ‘Diana’ before she caught herself. She winced a little as Barbara gave her an odd look.

“Dicata?” She sounded sceptical, and honestly who could blame her. Akko had vomited syllables hoping it made sense.

“Uh, yes?” She knew even she sounded unsure, but she tried to hide it with a sunny smile and laugh. “It was a spur of the moment name.” Yeah, no kidding. The other girl simply nodded, looking amused as she set her books down.

“I’ll look on the other side of the library while you continue here, okay?” Akko nodded, feeling a slight surge of panic. What would happen if Barbara found Diana first? She had to hurry.

She waited for Barbara to turn a corner before she began speed walking down the aisles, searching as quickly as she could. With any luck, she’d find Diana first, explain the situation, and avoid any awkward miscommunications. Of course, luck was rarely on her side, so obviously several minutes later, the other girl reappeared, Diana trapped snuggly in her arms.

“I found her! She was near the Magic Linguistics section.” Of course, Diana was studying Magic Linguistics before, so of course she’d go and browse to continue her reading. Akko resisted the urge to smack her own forehead because of her stupidity, instead taking an indignant Diana into her arms, small questioning meows slowly growing louder in volume.

“Uh, thanks. We won’t miss dinner now.” She tried to make it sound like a joking comment but the questioning glare Diana was giving her made her swallow thickly, ruining the tone she was trying to go for.

“Well that’s good, don’t want this girl to starve now do we?” Barbara scratched behind Diana’s ears lightly, drawing out a soft purr. It seemed Barbara was a cat person.

“Yeah, I should probably clean up my books though. Thanks again for the help!” She slowly inched away, Diana letting out a slight burble of disappointment when the scratching stopped. Barbara simply waved goodbye with a smile, returning to her own little pile of books that she’d had before.

Akko made her way back to the corner table, letting out a relieved sigh once she was far enough away. Diana continued to look at her skeptically, and suddenly she wished she knew what Diana was thinking. They couldn’t exactly communicate very well, seeing as she couldn’t understand Diana without an awkward game of charades.

“Sorry, I woke up and you were gone. I kinda panicked and Barbara offered to help look for you.” She admitted as she set the blonde feline down on the table and slumped back into her chair, letting her head rest on the tables edge. She moved to scratch behind Diana’s ears to further her apology, but a gentle paw stopped her, pushing her hand down until it rested on the table.

Diana looked up at her with an expression she couldn’t exactly decipher. There was at least one part exasperation, something that seemed like mirth, maybe affection, and something else that she wasn’t entirely sure what to call. Either way, the look eased the knot of anxiety in her chest that she hadn’t realized had remained even after finding Diana. She gave a small smile back, unsure of how to respond.

The small feline stepped forward, nuzzling against her face and letting out a soft purr. Diana’s fur tickled, drawing small giggles from the human girl, as well as the slightest urge to sneeze. She continued to laugh softly as she pulled away, patting Diana on the head as she started to stack the books into neat piles. She didn’t dare attempt to actually put them away herself. The sprites in charge of the library had a system that they were so set on that even a slightly crooked book made them mad, so she simply made them as neat as possible and placed them on the return table before returning to scoop up Diana.

“Shall we go get dinner?” She asked as she exited the library. They’d taken to getting dinner together after their little library sessions. It was a way to unwind, and Diana could relax just that little bit longer and eat uninterrupted before returning to her human life. Diana meowed softly in agreement, resting her head in the crook of Akko’s elbow. Humming softly, she made her way to the dining hall, letting her thoughts wander.

For a while she wondered what was for dinner, what Lotte and Sucy were up to, would they want to go into town with her in the next while, would Diana want to come with them, then Akko nearly stopped walking when she wondered if Diana was aware of her cat persona’s new name, and how long she had to fully explain if she didn’t. Diana looked at her inquiringly, meowing softly, obviously wanting to know what was wrong as Akko chuckled nervously. Really she needed to figure out a way to communicate with the other girl when she was in cat form. It would make life so much easier.