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the-case-book-of-fanfiction · 6 months ago

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Love Bites {Masterlist}

With your memory spotty, you gravitate toward the first person you see—an old friend from a very old past. But Astarion is keeping plenty of secrets...and he's never been the best liar. How long will it take before his deceptions unravel? And what will you do when you realize just how much damage he's done?

Ship: Astarion Ancunin x fem!vampire spawn!elf!Tav/reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, vampire spawn!Tav, fem!Tav, manipulative but guilty/regretful Astarion, Astarion's sexual trauma, Cazador, vampire bite, reader is turned into a spawn, reader is technically one of Astarion's victims

18+ Warnings: vaginal sex, consensual sex, mirror sex, riding, fingering, oral, blood kink, bite kink, loving sex, non-descriptive noncon/dubcon (Astarion’s trauma), Astarion experimenting with his boundaries

Total Word Count: 47,397 words (87 pages)

Notes: The title of this fic (and some of its chapter titles) is heavily inspired by Def Leppard's song Love Bites.

Posting Schedule can be found on my {Updates Page}

CONTENT NOTE: Where Astarion's perspective comes into this fic, I tried writing his experience with his hurt that he has been treated this way along with his "this is what I do" mentality; he's very back and forth about the abuse he's endured and some of my writing reflects that. If that upsets you or makes you uncomfortable in anyway, I completely understand and I encourage you to leave the fic at any point. However, I do believe writing this perspective is necessary, as his blasé take on his sexual trauma is one that I myself have struggled with, as I am sure other survivors have as well.

☟ story parts linked below ☟

Best Unremembered {Chapter 1} Waking up with a spotty memory and the only person you do remember is jarring enough—but it only gets worse when the people who remember you are monsters and strangers.

Walking Corpses {Chapter 2} Astarion's night spent searching for prey is interrupted by an unwelcome feeling of familiarity. Your life is derailed by recognizing a long-dead friend.

Little Love {Chapter 3} Appearances can be deceiving, but they can also tell you everything you need to know. A second look at the elf you once called a friend is all you need to fill in the two-hundred year gap.

The Golden Elf {Chapter 4} Sometimes, vampires choose their spawn specifically. Sometimes, they're in the wrong place at the wrong time and are lost to their loved ones for centuries. These days, that's all you can think about.

Little Star, Little Sun {Chapter 5} A long-awaited reunion that doesn't go quite as planned can lead to many things, especially when two manipulators both lay their traps for one another. Though is it really a trap when all you want to do is spare your lover from yet another night of torment?

Love Bites {Chapter 6} Astarion remembers you, but it's already too late. He's bedded you and remembered the love and life you had together, two hundred years ago, and now he has to make a choice. Does he sacrifice himself, or does he sacrifice you?

Love Bleeds {Chapter 7} Fangs gleam in the shadows and a coffin lies open nearby. Vampire lords are nasty creatures; even a changed heart can do very little when there are claws around it.

On My Knees {Chapter 8} A betrayal so severe even centuries of love threaten to break beneath its weight. Yet you offer forgiveness, even if Astarion has not felt its kindness in two hundred years.

Second Chances {Epilogue} Home is a place and home is people. You have quite the large family now, and it's time to provide for them, however you may.

Love Bites Soundtrack — 3h50min

Chapter 1: tracks 1 - 6 Chapter 2: tracks 7 - 13 Chapter 3: tracks 14 - 19 Chapter 4: tracks 20 - 26 Chapter 5: tracks 27 - 32 Chapter 6: tracks 33 - 40 Chapter 7: tracks 41 - 46 Chapter 8: tracks 47 - 53 Epilogue: tracks 54 - 60

[Image Caption: I do not give permission to repost, translate, or publish my work on any other site or app by anyone except myself. I do not give permission for my work to be fed into AI (for audio, art, or writing).]

Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Ancunin

Taglist: {comment and let me know if you'd like to be added to the Astarion taglist!} @wayward-hel @cheeslyy @ofmyth-andmagicart @neetheslayer @whispering-depths @freesidexjunkie @lightsinmycity @the0ldmann @gobbodoggo @oooof-ifellforyou @beeblisss @fangboner @aquaarietes @fiercest-eigengrau-skies @niqhtfell @call-me-nyxx @lueji-m @ceres-xiv @tricksy-trinity @graynstairs @rosa-rubus @ynisthatyou @thegoodwitchs-blog @catching-fire-in-the-wind @kiyastrf94 @vincemachina @silverfangmarks @ravenswritingroom @hinata7346 @hellethil @caramel-hufflepuff @beemiilk @mypainischronicbutmyassisiconic @starwatch77 @julianmarie @sadexistentialism @supernaturallover15 @writinghound @frankie-mercury @kindadolly @infernalrusalka

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therantingsage · 8 months ago

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Because I promised this, and I really wanted to do it anyway, here's a really really long-winded rambling dissertation on:

Why N and Uzi secretly dating since before episode 5 is genuinely super plausible and also stupidly hilarious /pos

Under the cut cuz it got obscenely long oops-

Idk where to start, so I'll just cover my bases: why people think they've been in a relationship already in the first place.

We all saw this scene:

And legit it can only be implying one of two things. Either A: this is his confession of feelings for her. Or B: this is him admitting that they've been dating for a while at this point. With the hearts it's pretty clear that this statement is meant to be romantically interpreted, and Nori's aghast reaction confirms that that's how it's being interpreted.

Obviously no matter the interpretation, N only writes that because he can't think of anything else to snap Uzi out of it and thereby stop this confrontation from ending poorly. And it works obviously so good on him for the quick thinking.

Two things that make me lean towards the 'we're dating' interpretation over 'confession' interpretation, though: firstly, he's not writing this to tell Uzi something, he specifically calls out to Nori before writing it. "Hey btw I'm dating your daughter" makes more sense than "Hey btw I like your daughter romantically" because if it was the latter, Nori has far less reason to be mad at Uzi about it rather than N. It's not like Uzi can control how N feels. But if they're dating, that means Uzi is partially to blame for that and Nori can get upset at HER.

Secondly, the awkward wording. Like it's really vague and without the hearts you'd have no reason to assume anything but platonic meaning. But these are words we, and him, have heard before:

...from Uzi, in response to a question about who she is and, by proxy, the nature of their relationship. She says it defensively, follows it up by telling N to shut up. N repeating her wording which, again, is a description of the nature of their relationship....but this time implying something romantic with it, it suggests the idea that it had romantic implications the first time.

I don't think it's far-fetched to say Uzi at least has feelings for N at this point in the story. I don't think anyone's arguing that that's not true. But the idea that 'hang out' means the exact same thing both times is what I'm arguing here. They're dating, but this version of N is a stranger to her. A cute stranger, as she says, but a stranger nonetheless who she isn't comfortable admitting to that she's dating him in the future to his face.

Backing up a bit, Uzi's reaction to Nori's reaction:

This is a clear and obvious parallel to the previous episode, when 'Tessa' says "Don't date my robot, please."

In both instances, someone gets on her case about the idea of them dating, and in both cases she doesn't deny it but instead defends both his and her own agency in the matter. No one is allowed to tell them what to do and Uzi refuses to let anyone try.

When Nori says it, though, she does seem to try and deny it for a moment. "I'm not-" She cuts herself off so we can't say for certain what she was going to say (if anything. it's entirely possible she started that sentence with no plan how to finish it, I do that a lot personally). But that's also because, like, she's Uzi. If this was meant to be a secret relationship, it would probably be her who made that decision. And like with butler N, she has no reason to disclose that kind of information to a stranger. She'd probably try and deny it whether its true or not.

As for when it would've started, after camp is the only big timeskip where we don't have much clue went on during. Cabin Fever is a big episode for them, and the three episodes that come after it are all back-to-back-to-back. The only time it makes sense to have started is sometime between eps 4 and 5.

And guys. Guys.

This, more than anything to me, paired with the idea that they've been dating for a while by the time the most recent couple episodes happen.....doesn't this seem so, so romantic? You could easily call this a love confession! So easily! It sounds like one much more than 'we just kinda are hanging out a lot idk' at least.

Like, rephrase that even a little: "Being with you makes scary things fun. Being with you makes me feel brave. It makes me feel safe. So I want to keep being with you."

And Uzi agrees with that sentiment. He promises to stick with her. And she laughs and smiles with him as he makes the scary thing she's been dealing with into something fun, something they can laugh about. The together line gets repeated in the most recent episode, directly calling back to this scene as well.

Like, just...AGH. In Cabin Fever he says it once as they're falling and a second time once they're grounded. The second time its a question, and one she eagerly answers with physical affection, which is super rare for her. In Mass Destruction its a statement, because he already knows her answer. Its a repeated promise. A vow.

Backing up again. Let's assess some interactions under this context. Assuming they're dating in secret. Because it paints so many things in a different light and basically nothing contradicts it which is fricken wild. This:

Isn't a sheepish Uzi trying to hold her crush's hand in a moment of fear. This is an Uzi who wants to keep their relationship a secret but is so in need of comfort right now she's willing to risk exposing them to get it.

This:

Her being so relieved because she almost watched him die but he's alive he's ok and she doesn't care who sees it because she needs to hug her boyfriend rIGHT NOW GUYS I DON'T CARE I'M HUGGING MY BOYFRIEND-

This whole scene. Uzi interacts with him so gently here. She's not gentle with anybody else at all. She sees him stressed and uses his own "you good?" on him and it's just so dang tender when you think about it. Because no one else can hear them talking to each other. It's just these two sending face texts and everyone else's focus is on the Sentinal so they can afford to be as couple-y in this conversation as they want.

And after:

Blushing because they like each other so so dang much.......sweating bullets because the other two can see them do this. Suddenly without either of them really thinking about it they're being romantic around other people and wow! That's nerve-wracking! Peak young love early-in-the-relationship behavior they ain't slick.

His tone of voice in this scene is gentler I think than we've ever heard from him before (Michael Kovach you are so damn good at your job). His loss-filled fury is cooled in an instant when he realizes how close he came to hurting his girlfriend. It's heartbreakingly gentle before 'Tessa' cuts him off.

And when she cuts Uzi off:

He looks like genuinely pissed at her. "Did you really just interrupt my gf while she was talking?? She's scared and you're disrespecting her tf is wrong with u??"

And like- the fact he was genuinely willing to off Tessa for her. Like he realizes there's a possibility she tried to get his gf killed for no reason and upon her not even trying to deny it he just kills her instantly. Because it's no longer a question of the universe or Uzi. It's a question of Tessa or Uzi, and its a choice his heart has already made before this point.

But here's like. The thing about all this that gets me. This is meant to be a secret relationship, right? Like nobody but them is supposed to know about this. And the fact that we the audience didn't have any reason to assume them to be an established relationship without heavy headcanoning means they did a decent job at that, right?

Guys. Guys.

N is terrible at keeping secrets. Like. Horrendously bad at keeping things on the down-low. Every single time in the series he's supposed to not spill info he like. Fails. It's wild. And because the relationship happens after "Inclusive reflexes!" that means that Uzi damn well knows this and still trusts him to try.

But based on V's reaction to the handholding in Dead End:

I'm honestly willing to bet she knew. She doesn't sound surprised, just annoyed that she has to see it. Which means N probably like, heard her badmouthing Uzi or something and got like way too defensive about it and she clocked him instantly. Because he's bad at keeping secrets. And she doesn't bother mentioning it during any of these episodes out loud because she doesn't care what these idiots do in their free time.

Can you imagine how many hundred close calls they must've had? How many times Uzi must've had to aggressively shush him or cover his mouth because he was going to say something slightly too sappy in public? The only reason we don't get to see the time period between eps 4 and 5 is because it would've been painfully obvious that these two dating is the worst kept secret in the entire bunker. I'm going insane.

Uzi fell in love with a proud himbo and they both know it. It's genuinely a miracle they didn't clue the audience in sooner.

#Murder Drones #Murder Drones Spoilers #md N #md Uzi #Uzi Doorman #Nuzi #Biscuitbites #Listen!! I'm feral and I site my sources!!!#This is a hill I'm willing to die on. And then I will rise to keep talking #I miss doing posts like this. I have so so much to say always #Me when I hyperfixate to the point of essays. Oops. Glad I can read

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ineffable-endearments · 8 months ago

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The Crow Road by Iain Banks

I finished The Crow Road and had a little time to think about it. I'll put my thoughts under a Keep Reading in case anyone is trying to avoid spoilers.

As I speculated before, I think it's likely that The Crow Road is more related to Good Omens in philosophy than in plot. I mean, it's not that the plots necessarily have nothing in common, and we could be very surprised in the end of course, but now that I've read the whole book, its philosophical commonalities with GO are both apparent and kind of inspiring. Also, if I were a writer, I'd be more interested in dropping hints about what themes are important than telegraphing my whole plot ahead of time.

So here, I will describe the book and point out themes that I believe may reappear in Good Omens 3.

This is a long post. If you read it, make a cup of [beverage of choice].

Update on 4/20/2024: I made a second post: The Crow Road and Good Omens: Further-Out Thoughts

Below are mentions of suicide, death/murder, and sexual acts.

The Crow Road centers around a character named Prentice McHoan, a university student in Scotland who starts to sort out his complicated relationship with his complicated family as he explores the mystery of his uncle Rory's disappearance. Although the book is mostly from Prentice's perspective, the narration jumps around in time with the McHoan family. There are quite a lot of important characters to keep track of; the bare-bones summary I put below doesn't even include some of the important ones. I wanted to make the summary even shorter and simpler than this, but the truth is that this book is not short or simple, and if I made the summary any simpler, it might be downright misleading.

There are at least three major cultural aspects of The Crow Road that I am inexperienced with: the overall culture in the 1950s-1980s (I was born in 1988, so of course wasn't here for the relevant decades), the international experience of the Gulf War (again, born in 1988), and the history and culture of Scotland itself (I'm USAmerican with only reading as a source). As a result, I'm sure there are important dimensions to the book that I've missed. If someone has a different perspective taking some of these things into account, I'd love to know about it.

Also, keep in mind, there is a great deal of descriptive writing in this book. There are a lot of pages about the geography of Scotland, and about Prentice as a kid, and about Prentice's father and uncles hanging out together in their youth, and about various family incidents, and about Prentice spending time with his brothers and friends. At first, these passages seem to just make things more confusing, and in my head, I accused them of being "filler." But they definitely serve a purpose. They're a way of showing and not telling the characters' attitudes and relationships to each other. More importantly, because we get to actually live these experiences with the characters, they are what give all the plot points below their deeper emotional impacts. In other words, the everyday experiences give the plot its deeper meaning. They resonate with one of the core themes in the novel: that our experiences in life, rather than any supposed existence after death, are what matters.

The Crow Road's story is like this:

Prentice is rather directionless in life, and he seems to have trouble investing any energy in his own future as he moons over his unrequited feelings for an idealized young woman named Verity. Soon, Verity ends up in a romance with Prentice's brother, Lewis, and Prentice feels that Lewis "stole" her from him. Prentice has also become estranged from his father, Kenneth, over spirituality. Prentice believes there has to be something more after death because he feels it would be incredibly unfair if people didn't get anything other than this one life; Kenneth is not only a passionate atheist, but is offended by the notion of an afterlife.

Prentice's uncle Hamish, Kenneth's brother, has always been religious, although his religion involves a number of bizarre and offbeat ideas of his own, with inspiration from more traditional Christian notions. Prentice is not really sure about this ideology, but he's willing to talk to Hamish about it and even participates during Hamish's prayers, whereas Kenneth is openly scornful of Hamish's beliefs. Hamish interprets this as Prentice being on "his side."

Prentice has a few opportunities to go back and talk to his father, and is begged to do so by his mom, Mary, with whom his relationship is still good. Mary doesn't want either of the men to give up their inner ideas about the universe; she just wants them to agree to disagree and move on as a family. Prentice says he will visit, but he just keeps putting it off and off and off.

Prentice acquires a folder containing some of his missing uncle Rory's notes in the process of hooking up with Rory's former girlfriend, Janice Rae, who seems to have taken a shine to Prentice because he reminds her of Rory. Using the contents of the folder, Prentice wants to piece together the great literary work that Rory left unfinished, which Rory titled Crow Road; however, it becomes apparent that Rory didn't turn his concepts into anything substantial and only had a bunch of disconnected notes and ideas. He hadn't even decided whether Crow Road would be a novel, a play, or something else. The few bits of Rory's poetry for Crow Road read are bleak and depressing.

Prentice also spends a lot of time with a young woman named Ash. They've been good friends since childhood and seem to have a somewhat flirtatious dynamic now, but they aren't in a romantic relationship; mostly, they drink and hang out together. Ash tells Prentice bluntly to get his life back on track when she finds out he's failing at school, avoiding his family, and engaging in shoplifting. She is a voice of reason, and when Prentice insists to her that he's just a failure, she reminds him that actually, he's just a kid.

Prentice's efforts to figure out Rory's story or location stagnate, and he continues to fail at school and avoid his father. He then receives word that Kenneth was killed while debating faith with Hamish. In fact, Kenneth dies after a fall from a church lightning rod, which he was climbing in an act of defiance against Hamish's philosophy when it was struck by lightning; Hamish is convinced that Kenneth had incurred God's wrath. Ash is there for support when Prentice finds out about the death.

With Ash's help, Prentice returns to his hometown again to help manage Kenneth's affairs. Prentice speaks with a very shaken Hamish, who is handling Kenneth's death with extreme drama and making it all about his own feelings. Hamish tells Prentice that Kenneth was jealous that Prentice shared more in common with Hamish's faith than with Kenneth's lack of faith. However, this isn't really true, and as he contemplates his father's death, Prentice begins to internalize one of the last things Hamish reported that Kenneth had argued: "All the gods are false. Faith itself is idolatry."

As the chapters go on, Prentice is compelled by some of the meaningful items related to Rory that he discovers in his father's belongings. He gains a renewed sense of purpose trying to solve the mystery of where Rory went and what happened to him. Among the interesting items are an ancient computer disk of Rory's that Prentice can't access with any equipment he can find; Ash uses her connections in the US and Canada to find a computer expert who can finally open the files on it. This takes quite a while, since the disk has to be mailed and Ash's connection is investigating the disk only in his free time.

Prentice also discovers that his feelings for Verity have changed. He no longer feels angry with Lewis for "stealing her." At first, Prentice's narration describes this as his feelings "cooling" as a result of the trauma of losing his father, but interestingly, this soon means Prentice gets to know Verity as a sister-in-law without getting caught up in jealous romantic feelings. Verity gets along well with the family, and Prentice is actually happy to discover that she and Lewis have a baby on the way. Prentice's relationship with Lewis improves greatly as well, partly because he is no longer jealous and partly because he realizes he does not want to lose Lewis, too.

Ash's connection who was looking at Rory's computer disk comes through and sends the printed contents of the files to Prentice. The files reveal to him that Rory likely knew Prentice's uncle, Fergus, murdered his wife by unbuckling her seat belt and crashing their car. Rory had written out a fictional version of events and considered using it in Crow Road. I'm not clear on exactly how certain Rory was about Fergus's crime, or whether Rory would have intentionally reported Ferg, or whether Rory even had enough proof to publicly accuse Ferg of murder, but people would likely have connected the dots in Rory's work and become suspicious of Ferg. For this reason, Prentice believes Ferg murdered Rory as well.

Prentice confronts Ferg. He doesn't get a confession and leaves Ferg's home with no concrete proof of anything; Ferg denies it all. But Prentice is soon physically assaulted in the night, and it seems Ferg was almost certainly the culprit, because he hadn't been home that same night, and he had injuries (probably from being fought off) the next day. A day or two later, Ferg's body is found unconscious in the cockpit of a plane, which crashes into the ocean. It's uncertain whether this was a suicide, but Prentice suspects it was. Rory's body is then soon recovered from the bottom of a waterway near Prentice's home, where Ferg had sunk it years ago.

As the mysteries are solved, Prentice realizes his feelings for Ash are romantic love. However, it's too late, he thinks, because Ash is about to take a job in Canada, where she may or may not stay. Prentice also hesitates to approach her because he's embarrassed about his previous behavior, venting all his angst about Verity and his father. He isn't sure she would even want to be in a relationship with him after that. But the very night before Ash leaves, she kisses Prentice on the cheek, which leads to a deeper kiss. They finally connect, have sex, and confess their mutual feelings. Ash still goes to her job in Canada, but says she'll come back when Prentice is done with his studies that summer.

The relationship's future is somewhat uncertain because something could come up while Ash is in Canada, but Prentice is hopeful. The book ends with Prentice getting ready to graduate with his grades on track as a history scholar, fully renouncing his belief in an afterlife while he acknowledges the inherent importance of our experiences in our lives now, and enjoying his time with Lewis and Verity and his other family members.

What's the point of all these hundreds of pages?

Well, look at all of the above; there's definitely more than one point. But the main point I took away is that we get this one life, with our loved ones in this world here and now, and this is where we make our meanings. There is no other meaning, but that doesn't mean there's no meaning at all. It means the meaning is here.

It's not death that gives life its meaning. It's the things we do while alive that give life its deeper meaning.

The Crow Road is described (on Wikipedia) as a Bildungsroman, a story focusing on the moral and philosophical growth and change of its main character as they transition from childhood to adulthood ("coming-of-age novel" is a similar term that is interchangeable, but more vague and not necessarily focused on morality/philosophy). And, indeed, all of the plots ultimately tie into Prentice's changed philosophy.

After his argument with Kenneth, Prentice feels childish and humiliated, and as a result, he refuses to go back home, which leads to a spiral of shame and depression. Kenneth dies and Prentice realizes it's too late to repair the relationship, which also leads him to realize it's what we do in life that matters, and that therefore, his father's argument was correct after all.

At the end of the novel, Prentice outright describes his new philosophy. However, I can't recall one specific passage where Prentice describes the process of how he changed his mind (if anyone else can remember something I missed, do let me know). There is, however, a moment when his narration indicates that Hamish seems less disturbed by his own part in the incident that led to Kenneth's death and more disturbed by the notion that his beliefs might actually be true: there might actually be an angry, vengeful God. In other words, Hamish's philosophy is selfish at its core.

My interpretation is that when his father died, Prentice realized three things: how utterly self-serving Hamish's devout faith is, how Kenneth's untimely death proves the importance of working things out now rather than in an imaginary afterlife, and how much profound meaning Kenneth had left behind despite having no faith at all. After these realizations, a determined belief in an afterlife no longer makes our lives here more profound like Prentice once thought it did.

Also, it's worth noting that this incident changes Prentice's idea of partnership, too. He loses interest in this distant, idealized woman he's been after. In love as in the rest of life, Prentice lets go of his ideals, and in doing so, he makes room for true meaning, both in a sincere familial, platonic connection with Verity and a sincere intimate, romantic connection with Ash.

But what about the sex scene?!

Yes, indeed, at the tail end of the story, Prentice and Ash have sex and admit they want to be in a relationship together. Prentice's narration describes them sleeping together and having intercourse not just once, but many times, including some slow and relaxed couplings during which they flex the muscles in their private parts to spell out "I.L.Y." and "I.L.Y.T." to each other in Morse code. This is relevant because earlier, they had been surprised and delighted to discover that they both knew Morse code; it isn't a detail that came from nowhere.

I didn't get the impression that this scene was trying to be especially titillating to the reader. It was mostly just a list of stuff the characters did together. I felt the point was that they were still anxious about being emotionally honest, a little desperate to convey their feelings without having to speak them out loud, and awkward in a way that made it obvious that their primary concern was the feelings, not the sexual performance. They cared about each other, but they weren't trying to be impressive or put on a show; contrast this with previous scenes where Prentice would act like a clown in front of Ash to diffuse his own anxiety. I've always thought that being able to have awkward sex and still enjoy it is a good sign.

Okay, so what does this all have to do with Good Omens?

Here's where I have to get especially interpretive. I'm doing my best, but of course, not everyone reading this will have the same perspective on Good Omens, the Final Fifteen especially. I believe similar themes are going to resonate between The Crow Road and Good Omens regardless of our particular interpretations of the characters' behavior and motivations, but I suppose it could hit differently for some people.

The TL;DR: I see similar themes between The Crow Road and Good Omens in:

The importance of mortal life on Earth

Meaning (or purpose) as something that we create as we live, not something that is handed to us by a supreme being

Sincere connection and love/passion (for people, causes, arts, life's work, etc) as a type of meaning/purpose

Relationships as reflections of philosophy

The dual nature of humanity

Life on Earth as the important part of existence is a core theme in Good Omens, and has been since the very beginning. We all already know Adam chose to preserve the world as it already is because he figured this out, and we all already know Aziraphale and Crowley have been shaped for the better by their experiences on Earth. But Good Omens isn't done with this theme by a long shot. I think this is the most important thematic commonality Good Omens will have with The Crow Road. Closely related is the notion that we create our meanings as we live, rather than having them handed to us. Isn't this, in a way, what Aziraphale struggles with in A Companion to Owls? He's been given this meaning, this identity, that doesn't fit him. But does he have anything else to be? Not yet.

Partnerships as a parallel to the characters' philosophical development also resonates as a commonality that The Crow Road may have with Good Omens. Prentice's obsession with Verity goes away when he starts to embrace the importance of life on Earth and makes room for his sincere relationship with Ash. Note their names: "Verity" is truth, an ideal Prentice's father instills in him; "Ashley" means "dweller in the ash tree meadow" in Anglo-Saxon, according to Wikipedia, and "ash" is one of the things people return to after death. Prentice literally trades his high ideals for life on Earth. We see in Aziraphale a similar tug-o'-war between Heaven's distant ideals and Crowley's Earthly pleasures, so I can see a similar process potentially playing out for him.

I don't particularly recall a ton of thematic exploration of free will in The Crow Road. However, there is a glimmer of something there: Prentice feels excessively controlled by Kenneth's desire to pass down his beliefs, and part of the reason Prentice is so resistant to change is simply his frustration with feeling censored and not being taken seriously. As the reader, I do get the feeling that while Prentice is immature, Kenneth made major mistakes in handling their conflict, too. And Kenneth's mistakes come from trying to dictate Prentice's thoughts. There is likely some crossover with Good Omens in the sense that I'm pretty sure both stories are going to take the position that people need to be allowed to make mistakes, and to do things that one perceives as mistakes, without getting written off as "stupid" or "bad" or otherwise "unworthy."

Suffice it to say that the human characters in Good Omens will also certainly play into these themes, but it's hard to write about them when we don't know much about them except that one of them is almost certainly the reincarnation of Jesus. This also makes me suspect perhaps the human cast will be 100% entirely all-new, or mostly new, symbolic of how Aziraphale and Crowley have immersed themselves in the ever-evolving, ever-changing world of life on Earth. Alternatively, if we encounter human characters again from Season 1 or 2, perhaps the ways they've grown and changed will be highlighted. For example, even in real-world time, Adam and Warlock have already, as of the time I'm writing this, gone through at least one entire life stage (from 11 in 2019 to 16 in 2024). They'll be legal adults in a couple of years, and if there's a significant time skip, they could be much older. If characters from Season 1 do reappear and themes from The Crow Road are prominent, I would expect either some key scenes highlighting contrasts and changes from their younger selves or for stagnation and growth to be a central part of their plot.

The more I write, the more I just interpret everything in circles. Hopefully this post has at least given you a decent idea of what The Crow Road is like and how it may relate to Good Omens.

I'll end this post with a quotation that feels relevant:

Telling us straight or through his stories, my father taught us that there was, generally, a fire at the core of things, and that change was the only constant, and that we – like everybody else – were both the most important people in the universe, and utterly without significance, depending, and that individuals mattered before their institutions, and that people were people, much the same everywhere, and when they appeared to do things that were stupid or evil, often you hadn’t been told the whole story, but that sometimes people did behave badly, usually because some idea had taken hold of them and given them an excuse to regard other people as expendable (or bad), and that was part of who we were too, as a species, and it wasn’t always possible to know that you were right and they were wrong, but the important thing was to keep trying to find out, and always to face the truth. Because truth mattered. Iain Banks, The Crow Road

#good omens #the crow road #good omens book club #go3 speculation #s3 speculation #good omens 2 spoilers #go s2 spoilers

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charmikarma · 1 year ago

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Breath as Influence and John in the Epilogues

Breath is probably one of the better understood aspects. “What is it?” someone asks – and the whole fandom is like, “Oh, Breath is about freedom and wind and detachment.” Which I don't disagree with. But I think most people miss a key piece of it – Breath as influence.

I'm no seasoned classpector, but I am a Mage of Breath, so I feel like I have a deep and personal understanding of Breath, particularly because of how it has manifested in my life. Yeah, I know, claiming I'm an authority on the subject because of my self-imposed alignment within a fake typology system makes me sound like an asshole. But I'll have to ask you to trust me, because if I start talking about my own experiences, I'll sound like even more of an asshole.

Anyway, let's kick this off with the official description of Breath, per the Extended Zodiac:

In summary: the Breath-bound are flexible, driven, detached, and maybe a little self-centered. Also, other people tend to get caught up in their personal development, which tends to make them good leaders. But the most important thing here for the point I'm making is this:

others ... feel inspired by them.

This word, inspired, has been rolling around in my brain for the past few weeks, because of its connection to Breath. Hey, did you know that “inspire” comes from Latin spirare, meaning "breathe"? And if we include the Latin prefix in-, it becomes "breathe into."

The Breath-bound have an ability to breathe into, or inspire others. They're not aware of it – after all, they are just living their lives for themselves. But wherever they go, they are inspiring people. Or, more accurately, they are influencing people. Actually, the influence of Breath goes beyond just people. I could even get meta with it (and I will. I apologize in advance). But let's start small for now.

Tavros Nitram

So, Tavros. Page of Breath. Pretty much all of Tavros's contributions to Homestuck as a story happen as a result of someone doing something to him. Vriska paralyzes him, which kickstarts the whole FLARP cycle of revenge arc. And again when the truce is broken in Act 5 Act 2, it is because Vriska kills Tavros. If this doesn't sound like influence to you, you're right. Tavros has very little influence. He's a Page, after all, and if there's one thing I know about Pages, it's that they're weak as shit until they reach their "true potential," which is pretty much always something stupidly overpowered. Y'know, like Jake overpowering Jade's first guardian powers. That was pretty batshit, I'd say.

But Tavros's contributions don't end there. He actually does reach his true Page-y potential right at the very end of Homestuck, when he gathers an army of ghosts – honestly, probably every single ghost in the furthest ring – by just talking to them. Was this something of a punchline to a very long joke? Probably. But it is also a pretty good example of the kinds of things Breath players typically do.

On a meta level, though, this argument kind of falls apart, because... As far as I can tell, the army of ghosts doesn't really do anything. Nothing important, anyway. Lord English's defeat is pretty much entirely at the hands of John, Dave, Davepetasprite^2, and alt!Calliope in the body of Jade, as described in the Epilogues. The ghost army just isn't relevant, in the end.

But you know what is relevant? Vriska.

Half the people reading this just groaned, I can feel it. Why are we talking about Vriska, a Light player, on a post about Breath?? I hear your question and I raise you this: Why the fuck is Vriska so obsessed with Breath players???? Personally, I think it's because she has an innate sense for their passive ability to decide what's relevant.

But before we get into Vriska, let's talk about John.

John Egbert

John, Heir of Breath. The protagonist of the story. In the context of my thesis of "Breath as influence," isn't it interesting that the protagonist is a hero of Breath? And even beyond that, he's an Heir, a class typically interpreted as "becoming" their Aspect, or "inheriting" it. If you find my argument compelling, you could even say John is the influence that drives the story. Which is exactly what a protagonist does - after all, what is a story without a protagonist?

This question is actually addressed in Homestuck, kind of. At some point in Act 4, Terezi manipulates John into visiting his denizen early, which gets him killed. The story is left without its protagonist, and progress grinds to a screeching halt. Jade doesn't enter the Medium and presumably dies. The reckoning never happens. Dave and Rose are trapped in a doomed timeline. They lose contact with the trolls. For what is a world without the breeze, without air, but a place of complete standstill? The story needs John to continue. Okay, it needs Rose and Dave and Jade just as much. But it's interesting that the story makes a point of John's death being the turning point that makes this particular timeline doomed.

Okay, sorry for the wait. It’s Vriska time. Vriska's driving motivation is to be relevant. She does everything in her power to steal the spotlight, which may or may not be related to the fact that she's a Thief of Light. Again, I'm not an experienced classpecter. I only really have a surface level understanding of Light. But I'm getting off topic here.

In Act 5 Act 2, Vriska starts talking to John. Why? Well, partially because she wants to compete with Terezi, who is talking to Dave. But there's also the fact that she wants to be the force responsible for Bec Noir. And also for John reaching god tier. And everything relevant really??? She's really fucking good at being relevant, I'll give her that. Or at least presenting the illusion of relevance, but that's a big topic that I think I should save for another day. Another essay, maybe. The point here is, John has a tremendous amount of influence over Things That Happen just by existing, and Vriska knows it. Maybe she torments Tavros because she senses the same sort of potential in him, but that's probably a stretch.

In any case, this is baby shit. There's better evidence than this. Let’s talk retcon powers.

You could argue that the retcon powers are separate from John's abilities related to his classpect, and on some level you'd be right. But in a game that "knows" everything that is going to happen, I have to question if extraneous powers like this are taken into consideration when Sburb "decides" what classpect it gives a player. I feel similarly about Jade's First Guardian powers. Teleportation is a pretty space-y power, in my opinion. And definitely one that... "breaks rules," I guess. Among all the other things First Guardians get to do. Once again, I'm no classpector. But Jade getting access to First Guardian powers upon reaching God Tier strikes me as very Witch of Space-y. I feel similarly about John's retcon powers - they strike me as very Heir of Breath-y.

And not just because I view Breath as influence, though that is definitely the most obvious way the retcon powers could be interpreted as Breath-y. Even on a surface level, they're pretty Breath-y. When John first talks to Roxy, he gives a whole spiel about everything he's been to up until this point, most of which is obscured by "blah blah blah." But little phrases come through occasionally, and when he starts talking about his brand new retcon powers, he uses the phrase "UNSTUCK FROM CANON." Which sounds a lot to me like "freedom from the narrative." But maybe more telling is the fact that John's quest as an Heir of Breath requires that he use his retcon powers. Getting rid of the oil, freeing the fireflies - his quest as established at the very beginning was always intended (in universe at least; I can't speak for Hussie's intentions) to be solved by his retcon powers.

So retcon powers are at the very least Breath-adjacent. What’s that got to do with Breath as influence? I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. Retcon powers are basically the ability to do whatever the fuck you want to any point of any timeline. I’d call this influence but I’d sound silly, actually. It goes way beyond influence. It’s way less subtle. I guess you could call direct intervention like this influence at its most powerful. Well, almost. There’s one step above this that John never really taps into. Which brings us to...

The Epilogues

For better or for worse, I fucking love the Epilogues. I think Candy, on its own, is a fantastic and surreal deep dive into a mind high on depression. And as for Meat, I’m an absolute sucker for metafiction and narrative fuckery. I eat that shit right up. My favorite anime is Princess Tutu, etc., etc. This is your warning: Yes, this section will contain evidence toward my claim that Breath is influence. It also doubles as an Epilogues analysis. It kind of turns into one at the end. Sorry, but I needed to get it out of my system.

So, in case you missed it, the step above retcon powers that John never taps into is direct narrative control, like we see Dirk engaging in throughout the Meat side of the Epilogues. The fact that Dirk is revealed to be the narrator of Meat begs the question: who is narrating Candy? It’s never outright stated, but it’s probably alt!Calliope. Unlike Dirk, alt!Calliope doesn’t have an agenda, as far as we’re aware. So why is Candy so fucked up and weird? Why is everyone out of character? I know this comes as a shock, but: it’s probably John’s passive influence over the narrative.

Before the Epilogues even begin, John’s been wasting away in his house all day, every day. He’s depressed as hell. Sort of dissatisfied with how artificial and "perfect" Earth C is. Some have suggested he also feels disconnected from the post-retcon versions of his friends, and I think this holds some merit. It would explain why he feels disconnected from reality in Candy.

(Candy, 11)

Depression colors your view of reality. It darkens some parts, brightens others. People who look happy will appear so to an unsettling degree. Fucked up things will appear even more fucked up. Depression ups the contrast, if you will. And that’s pretty much what happens in Candy. Jane’s pretty bad in Meat, but she’s like a billion times worse in Candy. Jade causes some awkward moments in Meat, but she is pretty much a sex pest in Candy. The positive parallels are a bit harder to find, since Meat pretty much sucks too, but you could speculate that John perceives Rosemary to be happier together than they actually are, so they’re, like, uber happy together in Candy and raising a daughter and shit. It is John’s warped perception of reality that in turn warps it beyond recognition.

This isn’t just me theorizing, by the way. There’s pretty compelling evidence to suggest that this idea is accurate to what is happening. It’s pretty clear in a conversation between (Vriska), who has just arrived on Earth C via the black hole in the furthest ring and her descendant/clone Vriska (aka Vrissy in HS:BC). The two of them stare up at the sky, pointing out clouds and what they are shaped like, when (Vriska) has a realization.

(Candy, 37)

John’s influence over the reality is so absolute, even the clouds bend to his will. I think Vriska only notices it because she’s a new arrival to Johntown. It isn’t long before she’s absorbed into the John-ness of the timeline. And then, she goes on to say exactly what I’ve been saying this whole time. Remember earlier, when I said Vriska knew that John had an incredible amount of influence over Things That Happen?

(Candy, 37)

Yeah. That wasn’t speculation.

The last thing she says, though, that he’d be relevant even if he was dead, is actually a reference to Meat. So let’s talk about it!

As we know, Meat is narrated by Dirk. Dirk’s narrative style is a lot of fun for me, personally. He’s sassy, kind of an asshole, and has no time for bullshit. The second John puts that meat in his mouth, he gets to work, pulling the strings of his little puppet show.

(Meat, 1)

He wastes no time putting words in John’s mouth, writing him out of the story of Earth C as quickly as possible. It’s almost with a sense of urgency that he pushes John to complete his mission. Which is probably necessary, seeing as the sanctity of canon relies on him going back to tie up the loose end that is Lord English. But I think Dirk has ulterior motives. I don’t think Dirk has the ability to impose his will so overbearingly with John around, because for some reason, John’s power of passive influence prevents him from doing so. Is John more powerful than Dirk, even after his ascension to Ultimate Selfhood? Maybe. I certainly think so.

But John’s pretty gullible. He’s easily influenced. He doesn’t have the same safeguard around his own mind, for some reason. Or maybe he does, and it’s just taken Dirk this long to crack him? This is speculation at this point. Not important.

So Dirk eventually kills John. Why? Well, first of all, it’s harder to control the narrative with him around. Though I speculate that’s not very important to Dirk anymore since he fucks off to who knows where around when John comes back. I think, more likely, Dirk finds John’s influence on the narrative unsavory. I mean, just look at Candy. What an absolute disaster of a timeline. Maybe his awareness is such that he knows that letting John live will result in a similar degradation of his friends’ personalities as he knows them. I can’t really say one way or another. It’d explain why he wants John’s body on the ship with him, though. Y’know, to make sure he never gets revived. And yes, he wants him on that ship. He pretty much tells Terezi outright to captchalogue his body before convincing her to join him.

(Meat, 35)

There’s one problem, though. I don’t think John being dead even erased his influence on the narrative?

(Meat, 36)

Right there at the end:

The gentle breeze is all she can hear. It’s louder than my voice, and in some understated way, makes my case for me more persuasively.

I don’t think there’s any other way to read this than the breeze representing John. This is a literal manifestation of John’s influence. I guess it could be symbolic – like Terezi doing a “what would John do?” kind of thought process. But I dunno, Dirk doesn’t strike me as that kind of narrator. Besides... It’s a little too on the nose. Say what you will about the Epilogues, but I believe a great amount of care went into them. This certainly isn’t a throwaway line.

Conclusion

Okay, sorry. I really went off the deep end into Epilogues Analysis Land there. You may have noticed that I didn’t talk about Homestuck: Beyond Canon. That’s partly because I haven’t gotten there in my reread, but mostly because I’m not yet convinced that it has – or will have – nearly the level of plot consistency of its predecessors. We’ll see, I guess.

In any case... Breath as influence, huh? There’s probably more evidence for this hidden away somewhere. I probably could have talked about Rufioh. I didn’t want to though. I also probably could have pointed out the word inspire from the Extended Zodiac thing and called it a day, but instead I blacked out and wrote this. Weird!

If you read all, uh... *checks word count* 2.7k words of this??? Jesus fuck. If you read all this, thank you for reading. I’m open to feedback! I’d love to discuss some of this more! Especially the Epilogues stuff. I have a million thoughts. Bye!

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #john egbert #tavros nitram #dirk strider #vriska serket #homestuck analysis #homestuck meta #classpect #classpect analysis #breath aspect #mine #will i ever write that vriska essay? the world may never know #thx yall

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halliescomut · 1 year ago

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Boss/Noeul for The Boy Next World

So we got official confirmation (that we were all expecting) that Boss and Noeul will be playing Cirrus and Phugun respectively in The Boy Next World series coming form Mame/MeMindY. I read the whole novel in about 2 days...finishing up 4 hours prior to the announcement. (Poor decision making on my part honestly.) But I wanted to talk about the novel and basic story, the characters and what I think makes Boss and Noeul a good fit for them, some concerns, and some moments in the novel I'm excited to see.

I am going to attempt to sort of graduate spoilers, so we'll start with no spoilers, move on to potential mild spoilers, and the on to pretty moderate-severe ones. I will clearly mark each transition, so you can stop reading when you like.

No Spoiler Section- Story and Character Summaries

We'll start by going over the basic summary of the story. Phugun and Cirrus are university students that live in the same apartment building. One night Cirrus shows up at Phugun's apartment and tells him that he is his boyfriend. Phugun is understandably confused, as despite having attended the same high school and university, they've NEVER interacted before, but invites him in. Cirrus asserts that he is from a parallel universe where they had started dating in high school. From there it's a bit of a shenanigans ensue situation, but Phugun, being soft-hearted, agrees to try and help Cir get back to his own world, and Cir simply can't help doting on whatever Phugun is available to him. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you might yell.

Now to the characters:

Phugun (often called Phu) is a 2nd year humanities student. He is described as small, cute, and a bit silly. He's also quite feisty and soft-hearted (though he doesn't present that side of himself) and importantly he's kind of superstitious. It is a main character point that he believes that wearing certain colors on certain days will bring him luck, and on days where he can't bad things happen to him. He's an only child and his father passed away when he was in middle school or junior high, so probably about 12-13. After that his mother began travelling abroad, leaving him under the supervision of an aunt. He has a close-knit group of university friends, though from what I can tell none of them pre-date uni.

Cirrus (most often referred to as Cir or P'Cir) is a 4th year business management student. He is described as tall and very handsome, often pursued by other students, but he entertains no one. His nickname on campus is Ice Prince, and many people seem to be afraid of his dark glowers. He does have a small group of friends as well, one from high school (or possibly previously) and one that appears to be just from university. He is the eldest of two children, with a 1 year younger brother (Zone), and his parents are divorced. With Phugun, Cirrus becomes warm and doting, in contrast to the cold persona he presents otherwise.

Now reading through those descriptions you may think...those sound kind of a lot like Rain and Payu...and you are correct. Beginning the novel, I had the same concerns, that these characters were far to similar to their LITA ones and wouldn't offer much space for growth and progression as actors. I have also read the LITA novels (they're actually the only Mame novels I had read before embarking on the Boy Next World) and while I enjoyed Love Storm, I did feel that there wasn't A LOT of serious depth or emotional growth happening in the novel. This is not bad, it's simply my observation, and I enjoyed the novel and series regardless. Through the BNW novel we do have access to both leads points of view and a lot more detail about their backstories, so they are far more fleshed out, complex characters from the start. Because of this, I am potentially hopeful of some really affecting moments that will give Boss and Noeul a great opportunity to really stretch their acting wings. I've made a post before about Noeul's acting specifically, as Rain is incredibly different from him overall, and that remembering that definitely increased my appreciation of his performance there. Rain as a roles is more one that seems simple because he's kind of the most relatable, but for him to be so different from Noeul would offer a specific set of challenges.

There are also a couple of instances in the novel that I think Boss and Noeul in particular could convey very well....

Parallel World Set-up

I also want to give a small explanation of the parallel world basis for the novel, as there are many wildly different systems used in fictional stories, some more complex than others. Below is a pretty basic diagram of the type of parallel world set-up we're looking at.

It's pretty basic, the timeline moves forward and a certain point an occurrence or decision changes the course of the timeline creating to separate but parallel worlds (hence why they travel in the same direction together). In media this divergence point can be anything, in Sliding Doors it's Gwenyth Paltrow's character catching the train versus missing it, but it can also occasionally be a decision. A yes leads to one future, no leads to another, similar to a choose your own adventure story. The divergence point is revealed in the novel, but I won't spoil that, but that decision creates Timeline B where Cirrus and Phugun meet and begin dating in high school. That is the only difference between the two timelines. The orange dashed line is the inciting incident of the novel itself where Cirrus-B ends up in timeline A, and Cirrus-A ends up in timeline B.

I'm going to finish up with trigger warnings for the novel (and likely the series) if you choose to pick it up prior to the show coming out. There are some pretty serious instances of emotional and physical abuse of Cirrus at the hands of his mother, starting from when he was a child. There are also a couple of instances of homophobia. Most of this stems from two specific characters, but there are insensitive and degrading comments made by sort of background characters as well. Grief and grieving is also a potential trigger, as there is discussion related to the death of Phugun's father throughout the novel. As someone who has lost both parents, I did cry at these moments.

Mild to Moderate Spoilers- Scenes and aspects I would like to see in the series

So there are a handful of portions of the book that I really would like to see in the series, and a couple of 'silly' things that I think would just be fun/funny. I'll start with those.

Since we've now established the potential for recasting... I think it would be hilarious if Mame cast a bunch of the actors from the friend group in LITA as the friends in BNW. Specifically Pepper as P'Ren, one of Cirrus's friends who is obsessed with his tropical fish. It would just give the whole thing a bit of a community theater vibe, and I love that.

Since we have a a parallel or alternate universe situation, cast the previous Cir and Phu (Haii and Title) from TharnType 2 as the other versions of them. We don't actually see the other versions in the novel, but it feel like it would be funny like in the opening credits to see like side-by-sides of their lives/timelines.

Now on to actual story points and scenes from the novel I really want to see, and one I kind of hope we don't. We shall get the No out of the way first:

-I do think it is important to keep the child abuse storyline, but I very much hope that it is kept very circumspect or minimal in the show. I would especially not like to SEE it. I think maybe having Cir and Phu talk about it, maybe with audio-overlays or allusions to what happened. But it's pretty dark, and I don't want something like what we got in Don't Say No. Mostly because I have concerns about how filming those scenes can psychologically impact a child actor.

Now the YES's:

-I very much want to see the potential or alluded to second couple of P'Wim and Jin (who are friends of Cir and Phugun). Their vibe is one best described as Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood, and their interactions in the novel were delightful. I'm sure how much we'll get depends on the episode count, but I'm hopeful for more than a Ryu/Sun situation in Wedding Plan.

-As discussed, Phugun has some superstitions related to the clothes he wears, and in the novel this goes all the way down to underwear. I would love to see like a calendar montage where you see him rotating through a rainbow of different colored outfits. (It would be delightfully gay.)

-I want Zone to be in the show. He's only present a couple of times in the novel, but I do feel that he's necessary to the story and that removing him would negatively impact Cirrus's character/backstory, as his relationship with his brother does play a role in a lot of his choices. But in the novel, they have a fun dynamic, and his interactions with Phugun are quite sweet, so I feel like it would be a great inclusion.

-There are a couple of instances in the story where Cir sings Phugun to sleep to comfort him. We know Boss has a lovely singing voice, I would like to see that.

-There is a scene related to a musical instrument that was left to Phugun by his late father, but Phugun can't play it. In the scene Cirrus plays it for him, and it's one of the scenes that made me absolutely lose it. Now the instrument isn't a guitar, but since we know Boss can play guitar, I don't think it's unreasonable to just change the type of instrument, as that doesn't really affect the story. Though I am aware that a lot of viewers hate the "guitar in BLs" trope, there is a real emotional gravitas to this scene that I think it would be unfortunate to lose.

-Lastly, there are not many NC scenes in the novel, I think 3 fully explicit ones and a couple that are alluded to. But the first one is a BJ in which Phu is receiving and Cir is performing. Now BJs in general are rarely even portrayed in BL, for many reasons, but the fact that it's not easy to film in a manner that would get by censors, or to portray in a romantic light are probably major factors. It's also something that could be far more uncomfortable for the actors to film. But when they are even hinted at it's often the 'Top' who is receiving, we honestly rarely see concentrated effort from a 'Top' to pleasure their 'bottom' without achieving their own 'completion.' I think a lot of this stems from the heteronormative relationship aspects traditionally applied to BL couples. Just as there's an idea in heteronormative/patriarchal society that a woman is there to provide pleasure to the man, and a man is not obligated to return it, that get's saddled on homosexual characters, leading to a situation where we rarely see Tops do much more than prep and penetrate (and the prep is often off screen). It's something that bugs me regularly, even in shows I really like. It's something you see with Kinn/Porsche, with Dean and Pharm in UWMA. These are characters where there is supposed to be this insane level of affection and adoration in the Top for their bottom, but they're not going out of their way to make sure they feel good??? Seems fake. In fairness to Mame, while she does fall into many a problematic trope, she also really likes bossy bottoms who advocate for their own pleasure, so there is that.

So....that's my thoughts on what to expect and what I hope to see. I hope you enjoyed.

#BossNoeul #boss chaikamon #noeul nuttarat #Cirrus x Phugun #Cir x phu #cirrusphugun #cirphu #The Boy Next World #Mame BL #MeMindY #Thai BL #PayuRain

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fentrashcat · 2 months ago

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So I've been putting off talking about my tourettes recently bc it seems everytime I have the words to express what's going on, something new happens. So instead of trying to organize things or put them into like a semi story-time post, I'm just going to list things out. These will probably not be in chronological order because so much has been going on the last 2 or so months that I've lost track of all the "when"s.

⚠️everyone's experience with Tourette's or tic disorders will be different, I can only speak to my own⚠️

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS for descriptions of tics/tic attacks, description of self injurious tics, abilism ⚠️

1. Nicknamed my Tourette's gremlin "Archibald" or "Archie". I tend to yell at my tics already when I get frustrated or annoyed, so I named him. It's mostly to make myself laugh. Saying "Archie's being an ass" or "apparently Archie didn't like that" makes me giggle, and more so when my friends play along in cursing Archie. It also lets my mom/friends know I'm not hurting from my tics.

2. Developed a lot of new tics. Some I've had before as one offs but are now common ones. The new tics include saying "knock-knock", "hi" (hi being said in not my normal voice), "Beetlejuice!". I've also developed biting at the air? Like my head goes forward and I bite so that my teeth clack.

3. Developed a frequent, kind of self injurious tic. On the same day or week that "knock-knock" came about, I also started knocking on my head twice w my right hand. It can be really soft or really hard to the point it concerns my mom. We tried having me wear like a beanie but it seemed I knocked harder with the hat on, and I'm really picky about hats bc sensory.

4. Got told by the family member I work for that I could easily find another job if I "weren't so picky". I then had to explain to her that I have seen the change in an interviewers face from "You look like a great canidate" to "finish this up as quickly as possible and never contact them again" when I had to disclose my Tourette's (noticeable repeated tics, otherwise I'd never disclose). I also had to tell her that I was "coincidentally" let go from a job the day I had to disclose, after being told repeatedly that I was doing well before. I also had to tell her that the one job that seemed chill about my tics that wasn't family connected, I had to quit bc it was 30/40min away and I don't drive so was begging people to drive me.

5. Fully convinced Archie is actively trolling now, as the "Beetlejuice" tic came about after mom said her coworker said it and she had to repeat it 3 times fast (she also has tics but is undiagnosed). Then the "Beetlejuice" started and she had to repeat it everytime.

6. I've been working for like 4 weeks now, and have had Tourette's related issues 4 times now. I've left work an hour early twice, 5 hours early once, and had to miss a day due to tics/tic attacks.

7. The missed day actually happened this week. I started getting intense head jerk tics about an hour before my shift finished, but I wanted to try working through it. Every few minutes I'd be forced to quickly/violently look to the right 5-10 times in a row. It started to hurt really bad but I managed to finish out my shift. By the end of my shift my head, neck, and shoulders hurt like crazy, and pain meds didn't seem to help at all. (Wasn't sure if they'd help for repetitive motions but figured was worth a shot). It kept going like that for 3 or 4 hours before I relented and said I won't be able to come in the next day. I couldn't lift my arms above my head or look to either side from the pain of it all. I'm still sore like 2 days later but able to move around now.

8. Biting the air tic came about when I was kind of hungry, but apparently also happens when I'm pissed? Happens randomly too, but thought that was funny.

9. Trying to figure out how to get my family to understand that just bc tics CAN mean something is wrong, they don't ALWAYS mean something is wrong. I know they're just worried and wanting to help me but if I tic 3 or 4 times in a row they keep asking "what's wrong" and won't take "nothing, it's just happening" as an answer. At which point I end up getting frustrated because they keep asking and the frustration leads to more tics.

10. We pulled up at a gas station that was advertising hot dogs and my mom ticced "hot dog" in the same voice she uses when our puppy brings her her hotdog toy. She was trying to suppress it, and afterwards she looks at me and goes "I couldn't NOT say it, like it physically hurt trying to not, is that how you feel all the time?" And I was just like yeaaaah pretty much. Mom's tics are usually reactionary, and she doesn't get a lot of premonitory urges, so it was really unusual for her.

That's all I can think of at the moment, thank you for reading. If I think of anything else I'll probably make another post but I'm not sure if I will. Sorry this one was so dense, I've been putting this off for a while lol.

#fentics #tics and tourettes #tourette syndrome #tics #actually tourettic #tourettes #tourettes disorder #tourettes syndrome

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carlyraejepsans · 11 months ago

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I really respect your dedication to these characters and the fine nuances in writing them with pinpoint accuracy but lord it must be really really hard to find any amount of fanfics by people who feel the same and don't unintentionally do something kinda ooc once that makes you stop reading a story. With short comics and art and whatever you have to go out of your way to mischaracterize characters since there's not a ton of internal substance, they're just kissing or telling a line of dialogue, but with fic it's so descriptive and so much more thought on how a character's inner workings carry on, and I feel a lot of people have fun writing fanfiction in a way that does not result in 100% accurate characterizations because that would take so much continual, constant effort and very thorough character analysis skills and applications to get right pretty much all of the time. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say beyond it must be tough for you specifically to find stories that don't annoy you- or perhaps that is not accurate! I don't read much fic so I don't know, it just seems like it'd be exhausting from an outside perspective

BAHAHAHA the eternal struggle of the Hater. I'm kind of obsessed with how you described it here. You're mostly correct! And kind of missing a crucial detail at the same time.

It's true, it is extremely difficult to find fanfiction that agrees with me--especially for a fandom like Undertale with 1) a very young audience and 2) a very heavily character-centric form of storytelling, which inevitably results in nuanced personalities that are hard to grasp without full context (which means analyzing the canon... a lot!)

There's two very important things you should note though!! Undertale is a HUGE fandom. As hard as finding really accurate fics might be, they ARE out there, and when i find them I'm so invested in their accuracy and analysis that I enjoy them 10000 times more than someone who just... doesn't think about this stuff. It's about quality over quantity.

The other thing is: being this ""picky"" and analysis focused doesn't actually stop me from reading fanfiction. Just lately I've been going through the entire fandom tag on ao3 in reverse alphabetical order and trying out anything that doesn't immediately put me off via tags/summary. Is there a lot of stuff that reads ooc or that I just plain don't like? like, a LOT of it? absolutely. But at the end of the day, that ALSO becomes an exercise in analysis. Why did this portrayal come off as ooc? Was the character voice accurate to canon? If not, what made them differ? Was it the way the character acted, rather? Is this the author's bias or exaggeration? Why do I feel like it would be at odds with the person they are in canon? Would they ever be driven to behave like this? What would push them? Was that accurately justified in this fic? and so on.

it's true that engaging with fandom on the regular can heavily skew your perception of the original, but i feel that engaging with fanon and habitually returning to the canon as a point of reference, as contrast, as fact checking, is one of the best ways to truly understand both the characters and the fan communities that they gathered around them. overall, it's good fun!! well worth the occasional cursed content, and even then it gives me something to inflict psychic damage on my friends with.

#answered asks

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evil-robot-cat · 7 months ago

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Is the inspire!reeve thing actually canon? Is it something that was scrapped but hung on to? Was it just said at one point but never brought up again?

Are. Are you proposing to me? 😳

This one drove me nuts for ages because it's one of those things that- okay first off, yes, it's 100% canon.

Inspire was part of Reeve's scrapped story, which was much more dramatic and big. I don't dwell too often in the What Almost Was information, other than to occasionally dust some of it off and go, "Hey, this would be neat in a fanfic." So I don't have it thoroughly memorized. But if I remember correctly, he was supposed to have a psychic connection to the reactors, and be able to control them to try to save the day. All of that was taken out... except they didn't get rid of the ability, just the reactor thing.

Inspire is never mentioned anywhere in the game. It's only named in outside sources like the Ultimanias, interviews, and the trading card game. Some of the information in older sources is outdated and retconned, so Inspire was in this weird limbo for a while, with some people saying it was, and some people saying it wasn't.

In-game, Reeve has a very good reason not to tell anyone about Inspire - it's the kind of ability that would land him in another department of Shinra, and not as the director. (Poor Chadley, we didn't have a clue what you really were...)

Though the generic term "inanimate objects" is written in its description, we only know that Reeve uses it to control Cait Sith. He can and does control multiple Cait Siths at a time, but he says it's difficult.

Cait Sith has a certain amount of his own autonomy. How much is Reeve, how much is Cait Sith, and how much is they're-both-the-same-person-in-multiple-bodies is playfully obscured. Cait Sith says that he's a living being, an unliving robot, and that he's not sure what he is. Reeve refers to Cait Sith as both his friend and other self. The Gi call him "hollow" and openly don't trust him. In Opera Omnia, both Cait Sith and other members of the FF7 cast say vague things when asked about him. They're either not sure, or they don't feel comfortable sharing.

OG Cait Sith implied each one had a different mind, but they seem to have gotten rid of that in Rebirth, and have just one soul(?) bouncing from doll to doll. (OG Cait Sith #2 introduces itself to them as a new person, and has no idea what's going on when Aerith dies. Rebirth Cait Sith refers to what he just went through, then does a dogeza for his betrayal.)

Will they explain it further in the next game? I strongly, strongly doubt it, because half the fun of Inspire is its ambiguity.

But to sum it all up, once again, yes, Inspire is canon.

#Reeve Tuesti #FF7 Cait Sith #Cait Sith #stuff in FF7 #FF7

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sinni-ok-sessi · 8 months ago

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Would love to hear any thoughts on the codification of the poet-persona over time? 👀

Ok so in the spirit of the ask game, I am not checking any citations on this whatsoever, but if you want those lmk (though they uh. largely do not exist for rímur-poets specifically, because only me and Hans Kuhn have ever cared).

This is going to require some context because, as established, the number of living people who know and care about medieval rímur can be counted on my two hands. Probably without thumbs. So, rímur are a poetic form that developed in 14th cen Iceland, which look kind of ballad-y, in that they often use four-line stanzas with ABAB end-rhyme, though actually the ballad tradition in Iceland is quite distinct (on which, see Vésteinn Ólason, The Ballads of Iceland). End-rhyme was very exciting for Icelandic poets because it was only previously a thing in some uncommon types of skaldic metres, but rímur (as their name suggests) have end-rhyme as a defining feature and rapidly become The dominant form of poetry in Iceland until well into the 19th cen.

There are two very distinctive things about rímur, other than their metres: 1) they almost never tell 'new' stories; almost all rímur narratives are attested earlier in other forms, usually in prose, which can sometimes lead to the fun cycle of saga -> rímur cycle -> old saga is lost, new version is written based on the rímur -> more rímur are written based on the new saga -> repeat until the heat death of the universe; 2) as the form develops, it acquires introductory stanzas known as mansöngvar, a term which elsewhere usually means 'love poetry', although that's not really what they're doing here.

Mansöngvar are verses, sometimes in a different metre to the rest of the canto they're attached to, in which the poet speaks directly to the audience. In the medieval period, they're pretty short and often don't say more than 'look, I made you some poetry', but as time goes on, they get more and more elaborate, and the character of the poet begins to develop some quite distinctive traits. What's interesting here is that rímur were (certainly in the medieval period; less certainly later on) performed aloud, presumably by the poet, so there's definitely some questions to be asked about how accurate the poets' self-descriptions are when presumably the audience could go 'you're not pining away for love, Jón Jónsson, I've met your wife!'

So anyway, these mansöngvar are often linked to the medieval German Minnesänger tradition (er. The actual German word might be slightly different because I still don't speak German despite my PhD supervisor's pointed remarks), which is more overtly love poetry and which sometimes features the poet as an abject and despised lover of some cruel lady. This is something rímur-poets from the later medieval period and onwards have an incredibly good time with. You may be familiar with the story of Þórr wrestling with Elli, the personification of old age in the form of an old woman. There are at least two medieval rímur poets who have a whole extended passage about 'oh alas, when I was young I was a terrible flirt but now I'm old and no women like me, except oh no, I am being courted by this ugly old giant lady; Elli is the only ladyfriend for me now, wah'. it's very playful, it's very fun, it's drawing on this general sense that the poets put forward that they're poetically gifted, but romantically unlucky, which is kind of a Thing for poets across a lot of European literature (and probably more broadly, but I don't know much about that), and is especially pronounced in the earlier Icelandic sagas about poets, which usually feature poets failing to win the love of their life for various reasons (sudden attack of Christianity; sudden attack of magic seals; sudden attack of Other Guy With Sword; etc). So in evoking this, rímur-poets are situating themselves in this existing Image of the Ideal Poet, but doing so in a way that ties them into the specifics of the Norse literary/mythological tradition as well. Poets are also frequently old and tired (same, bro), and a statistically improbably number of them are also blind (although that might just be two guys we know about who were really prolific; most rímur are anonymous so it's hard to say. But it is perhaps convenient that this also links them to A Great Poet of Old, namely Homer).

The other thing that rímur-poets really like to bring up in their mansöngvar is the myth of the mead of poetry, which I will not recount here except to say that Óðinn nicked it from a giant, and also that some dwarves used it to buy safe passage off a skerry once, so it's poetically termed 'ship of the dwarves' because it's the thing that brought them safely across the sea. Every single medieval mansöngur, if one exists at all, refers to this myth in some way, even if it's just by having the 'I made you some poetry' bit use a kenning for 'poetry' that references the myth.* And poets have a lot of fun with this too! Iceland's a coastal community, they know about boats, so you get these extended metaphors about poets trying to board a boat to sample the mead of poetry and finding only the dregs because other, better poets got there first. Or they will describe the process of poetic composition in terms of ship-building: 'Here I nail together Suðri's [a dwarf name] boat'; 'Norðri's ship sets out from the harbour [= I'm about to start reciting the main bit now]'; 'the fine vessel has now been wrecked on the rocks [=I'm going to stop reciting now]'. They'll also speak of poetry as smíð, which means a work of craftsmanship, usually physical craftsmanship (obviously cognate with smithing in English), and of brewing the ale of Óðinn, so they're really into metaphors of physical craft when it comes to the intellectual craft of poetry, which I think is really neat.

*kennings = poetic circumlocutions, e.g. 'snake of the belt' is a sword because swords are vaguely snake-shaped and hang from a belt. Common poetry kennings are '[drink/liquid/ale/wine/mead] of [any of Óðinn's literally dozens of names]' e.g. 'Berlingr's wine', and the aforementioned 'ship of the dwarves' - poetic Icelandic has literally dozens of words for different kinds of ships and also literally dozens of dwarf names, so you can get a long way without repeating yourself.

So all these things that I've mentioned that poets like to bring up - old age, unluckiness in love, poets as craftsmen - become more and more tropified as time goes on, which in turn leads to these imaginative and extended reworkings of the metaphor. No longer can you just say 'I'm old and no one fancies me', no, it's 'My only assignations now are with Elli, wink wink, here's a long description of our date'. So you end up with this very codified image of The Ideal Rímur-Poet as an old man,* ideally blind, ideally unmarried, incredibly self-deprecating about his poetry, and because that's how everyone else talks, it's self-reinforcing.

*there is one (1) known female rímur-poet from the medieval period, the poet of Landrés rímur, who unfortunately didn't write many mansöngur stanzas but is doing her best with the 'unlucky in love' bit, although her lover (male) seems to have died rather than ditched her, which is a novelty.

Anyway, it's cool and weird and fun and as I say, only me and Hans Kuhn care, academically speaking.

#lol 1260 words here. which is. maybe 10 minutes of actual speaking time but OH WELL #asks I have answered #if there are bits that I haven't explained well lmk. I have a warped idea of how much the average person knows about Norse literary history #because I *am* on my Stan Rogers Wife Guy kick at the moment please imagine Jón Jónsson holding a guitar #also. lol. I am extremely fucking doxxable every time I talk about rímur so if you do know my full legal name. keep that shit to yourself.#but also. go read my phd thesis. if you like the shit jokes in this post you'll love 70k of them concealed in academese

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dingodad · 3 months ago

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I mean is classprct stuff NOT inherently zodiac nonsense.... like I love the "your aspect is the powers you get and the class is how you use them" simplicity but like. it's simple. like I do think they're assigned AFTER personality and not birth stuff (trolls already have so much "you are locked into an oppressive system and if you do not comply. goodbye" so I feel like their "birth" stuff is different and all. but yeah I think people's classpects could change they just get picked for who they are and where they want to go with that When they enter the Medium.

idk I love your theories thank you for listening

yes this is what i was saying and what i've always been saying. classpect stuff is astrology and that becomes clear through only slight changes of wording.

to be clear though because this is not the first time ive heard "caste signs are assigned at birth and classpects are assigned in maturity" as an argument: trying to divine whether characters get their mythological roles assigned to them deterministically or descriptively or retroactively is a totally fruitless task. that's not the kind of medium in which these characters live. they are beings of fiction whose lives do not begin with birth but rather with the moment the story brings them into existence: whether this means figuratively, in the sense that john and friends only become human beings with names on their 13th birthdays (after which point those names retroactively become theirs from birth); or literally, in the sense that these characters are born within the narrative-space of sburb itself and then sent back in time to become "real" people.

sburb creates these heroes for its own specific purpose and therefore within the confines of the story that sburb is telling these characters ALWAYS HAVE BEEN the designated roles that sburb wants them to play, in JUST THE SAME WAY that within the framework of alternian society a troll ALWAYS WILL BE the sign that they have been given. "when" characters are bestowed these roles is ultimately trivial because the systems that bestow the roles upon them are all-encompassing

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an-indecisive-nerd · 3 months ago

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Alright I've eaten something and I'm less cranky. I'll explain the racism thing about the accents. So I read your deities' descriptions and, in their plainness, not only are they kinda boring still (deities in most cultures are never JUST [domain] and [adjacent concept], but an ARRAY of not-necessarily-connected concepts and human virtues/forces of nature. Look at Set or Khnum) but also, in their unidimentionality, just plain tokenizing. Like, the Sun deity being only the Sun and a handful of concepts already associated with the sun and light and having an indian accent (which, in and of itself, IS already racist because there's no "plain indian" accent, there are SEVERAL kinds of accents and dialects in India) just reeks of orientalism. Giving your nonwhite-accented gods only positive traits ALSO plays into the "noble savage" myth generally ascribed to nonwhite cultures. For your development as a writer and character designer, and for the sake of avoiding getting more grief hurled at you, I urge you to revise your pantheon.

Okay, I 100% see your point about the accents and apologize for not noticing that sooner, that's definitely my bad. Please believe I didn't intend to offend.

I will say that calling them plain seems a little bit harsh, because what you've read so far is just a brief introduction, but I will admit it is a little plain, that's my bad, they will get better in the actual book.

In the lore of my story, Earth is canonically the world that was created last, so all of these accents existed before earth (with a couple exceptions) and what we associate them with. I know that doesn't change anything and I will still rework things, I just figured I'd add that as context.

One last context thing, one of the underlying themes of my story is just how "impressionable" for lack of a better word, the gods are. Essentially the gods are almost entirely shaped by how the people see them, and actually during the book one of the things you start to see is how unhealthy the current perceptions of the gods are for everyone. So if they seem a bit one-dimensional, that's because they're kind of supposed to be.

Because of the above impressionability, the gods' accents can change frequently, usually based on where they're spending a lot of time or who their followers are. Using the example you chose, Sun might have a lot of followers that happen to have an Indian accent. They're not necessarily from India, Earth, instead they might be from a world where one of the languages spoken in India is one of the most common and widespread, so the Sun god happens to have an accent matching it. I know that explanation definitely doesn't make up for the issues with it and I will fix it, but I hope this post eases some of your concerns at least.

You're welcome to tell me what you'd rather see as I rework things, I'd love to hear from you.

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aihoshiino · 1 year ago

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chapter 133 thoughts!

Right off the bat, I'm really glad to see OnK looping back around to address something that was largely left hanging from the first half of the movie arc - the idea that Ruby simply lacks the acting chops to properly portray Ai in the movie. This was hammered in to such a degree that I actually had a theory back before shooting started that Ruby was going to end up backing out of playing Ai and that Kana, Akane or even Frill would end up taking her place. Obviously it's not that I want Ruby to fail here or that she doesn't deserve a big W after everything she's been through but it felt really weird for the story to correctly make the point that Ruby's acting was going to make or break this movie and then not properly bring that point home. So I'm glad to see we're actually digging into it this chapter.

That said, it does feel a little... abrupt, I guess? Or rather, I totally understand Ruby cracking under the pressure and having a bit of a meltdown off the back of Nino's words last chapter - that obviously cut really deep - but suddenly jumping back to this idea that Ruby is Just Not Getting Ai after we hadn't touched on that since filming started and we've had no indication it's still an ongoing issue is weird. Especially since Mengo has literally just been flat out drawing Ai any time she's portraying her on panel lol. Maybe holding off on showing her with the double hoshigan would've been a better choice in conveying that...

Again, I guess it just comes back to what I've been saying lately about the movie arc feeling really weirdly structured. Things feel kind of jumbled, or necessarily out of order persay but the way arcs, emotional beats and development is happening in fits and spurts gives everything this stuttering rhythm where all the major beats feel like they're landing in really strange places.

All that aside... man, poor Ruby. We haven't really gotten as good a look into her head as I would've liked during the movie's production but the amount of pressure she feels must be immense. Strawberry Productions have put all their money into this movie and Ruby is telling the story of one of the people she loves more than anyone else in the world. It's no wonder she's in tears by the end of it.

The story also addresses something I'm really glad to see on the page - Kana acknowledging that Ai was the way she was largely because of her negative experiences. I've had a bit of unease lately with the idea of OnK portraying Ai as an aspirational figure or that Ruby 'becoming' or 'surpassing' Ai is a positive step for her. Ai of B-Komachi existed because Hoshino Ai experienced such an abnormally cruel life that was so utterly lacking in warmth or love that she had to make up a perfect version of herself just to feel like she had permission to be alive. It's not that Ruby has never experienced hardship - god knows she has - but she simply does not have experience with the exact nature of the despair, the loneliness and the self hate that Ai struggled with her entire life. Without opening herself up to that, she might never be able to fully understand Ai.

Kana's description of Nino is also really fascinating and it lines up with how I personally was reading her off the back of that chapter combined with the foundation laid by 45510. Her feelings for Ai are a life-altering obsession that has ripped down the boundary between 'love' and 'hate'. It's both at the same time which is an emotional state you can probably conclude is not going to lead someone to grieve in a healthy or productive way.

<3 nino is such a gay little freak i love her so much

Ruby and Kana's talk in general in this chapter is sooooo fucking good, dudes. It's hard not to want to go over it line by line lol but it's the kind of talk I've wanted them to have for a really long time. Their earnest concern for each other and their attempts to reach out and protect the other as clumsily as they end up doing it are so sweet and it makes the end of this chapter such a gut punch... but we'll get there.

I will say it's uh incredibly fucking bizarre to see Akane sorted in alongside the people Ruby considers her family??? Like, I get that Ruby had the whole 'can I call you oneechan' thing with her back while she and Aqua were dating but they've never been portrayed as being that close or really on friendly terms at all after the Private arc. Not only that, but this is specifically in a context where Ruby is talking about how the movie is going to help her family, who are still stuck in their grief over Ai's death move forward - so why the fuck is Akane there?? Akane has no personal relationship to Ai! She was not remotely affected by her death! I can only assume this was some kind of art mistake because I otherwise have absolutely no fucking clue what this is supposed to mean. EDIT: Taking a closer look at the art, I'm pretty certain this is in fact an art mistake and that's Ruby accidentally given Akane's hair screening: her eyes are dark and she seems to have Ruby's hoshigan. Mystery solved!

Ruby's face as she cries looks sooooooo much like Miyako's expression as she cried back in 125. I even noticed then how much she looked like both Ai and Ruby in that moment and it was so sad and lovely to see that similarity mirrored in Ruby. Miyako is their mom!!! Ai and Ruby are her daughters!!!

And finally... Kana just lets it all out.

Honestly, seeing Kana finally express all this stuff was so cathartic. She didn't want to be in B-Komachi to start with, she was bullied into being the center and then watched Ruby absolutely leave her in the dirt. Knowing what we do about Kana's own history of abandonment and her absolute terror at the prospect of being left behind and made irrelevant, it would be naive to assume she didn't feel some jealousy or bitterness in the wake of Ruby's meteoric rise to fame. She's only human, after all and I can't help but wonder if this is one of the 'cracks' left in black hoshigan Ruby's wake that Aqua ominously alluded to a while back.

Even as she pours out all this bile, though - Kana is still, in a twisted way, doing this out of pure love for Ruby. As she herself puts it, she is at risk of permanently destroying their relationship here even though Ruby is her closest and dearest friend. But that's why she feels she had to do it. Like always, Kana sacrifices herself, desecrates herself and throws herself under the bus to support the people she loves and to play the coordinator - to ensure her costars can give the best possible performance. Arima Kana? Don't worry about her. She's fine off in the shadows by herself, right?

I also can't help but wonder if Kana is doing this at least in part for herself, too. We saw that she, too, was struck deeply and unsettled by Nino's words last week and by how deeply Nino was poisoned by her hate and feelings of inferiority towards Ai. Maybe this is Kana's way of trying to purge herself of those feelings so she can look her inner Nino in the eye and confidently say "I am not like you".

No break next week...!

#oshi no ko #onk spoilers #oshi no posting

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some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat · 4 months ago

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please tell us more about moth wizard

With pleasure!!! (Although I have to keep it short because I need to sleep pretty soon BUT I can add more tomorrow)

Moth Wizard is one of my OCs and also the (temporary) name of the setting in which he is the main character.

Moth Wizard the character is a Jewish trans man who has learned magic and specializes exclusively in controlling moths. He is likely autistic and loves lepidopterans (moths and butterflies) and struggles with social cues and understanding what other people are thinking or able to infer from a situation. My boyfriend has recently been reading me the Discworld books (focusing on the Watch recently finishing Feet of Clay, which was amazing btw but I think my favorite scene was Dorfl's last one... reminds me of a certain story from the Talmud teehee) so if you're familiar, I find that Moth Wizard is a lot like Carrot Ironfoundersson. He's kind and humble and just wants to help, but can sometimes be totally oblivious to how others interpret a situation. The main difference being that Moth Wizard is not quite so charismatic, both in his social awkwardness and in his humble appearance.

The idea is that he's only the main character in the sense that we take his point of view and that he is in every "episode" (I think of the story in terms of a TV show, I'll probably never get that far but the IDEA is that I'm gonna do it all in Blender), but every story is actually about someone else, it's like he just walks in and becomes a side character to someone else's adventure, with a different adventure each episode.

Moth Wizard the setting is a post apocalyptic fantasy world. Essentially, although humans and most of the Earth survived, war and climate change and the hunger of capitalism escalated until most established power structures crumbled, and then on top of all that, suddenly humans could do magic! Basically, chaos. But not the end of humanity. And the survivors built new communities and generally speaking there is peace, or at least no group is large or organized or armed enough to engage in anything that can be called "war" and still seeing the smoke from the last time war happened, few are eager to change it. But that's politics, not what I meant to talk about.

People who decide to pursue magic are called wizards, and generally they will specialize around some concept, because it's just a lot more convenient. It was originally teenagers who discovered magic, because the way magic works is that you need to do it on purpose. You need to focus and genuinely try, in that special way that you stop doing as you grow older, because you learn that all you'll achieve is making yourself look stupid. To use magic in the world of Moth Wizard, you need to be vulnerable and put your faith in what you're doing, enough that you might cry if it doesn't work because of disappointment and/or embarrassment. And teens are great at that. Children have imagination, yes, but they're not vulnerable in the same way (and also I need some way to make sure children aren't going around summoning dragons or raising the dead), and usually they're not as desperately hopeless as someone experiencing puberty and all the horrors that come with it. Teens are perfect because (generally) they have pride to hurt and hopes to crush, but still haven't "grown up" to the point where they don't believe in magic enough to be truly vulnerable about it.

That's all I've got time to say right now, but if you want more Right Now, here's a link to a list of my most developed characters, each with a brief description!

And you can also join the "Moth Wizard fandom" community if you'd like, where I will occasionally post bonus content, and I'm hoping if more people join we can have discussions about it! Totally optional but here's the invite link for anyone interested!

Thank you so much for the ask, anon!!!

#ask the tooth folk #sfw #personal #anonymous #Moth Wizard #This was more than I expected to be able to write but I still wanna come back and add more tomorrow :3 #also feel free to ask any more specific questions if you want to know more about something in particular

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missamyrisa2 · 3 months ago

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reccently discovered that i can be tickled from words alone?? there's a story behind this discovery, here:

one of my friends gets into these little moods where they just want attention, but also want to cause me or the rest of my friends as many problems as possible. so normally they'll lightly chew on someone's arm, or mess up their hair, or steal their phone, just harmless mischief we all enjoy. but if it's just the two of us hanging out, they normally wind up tickling me if they get into one of those moods.

so i was in their room, and we were talking about a thriller anime we both like. i mentioned an episode of it was hard to get through for me because it had gross thing happen involving, and they like, described those back to me to confirm we were talking about the same bit. and it was a gross description, so i got all shivery and like, was lightly playing with my fingernails because i could kind of feel what we were talking about. so they notice this and give me a look, and say something along the lines of "is me describing it that bad?" to which i just nod. and i look up at them and i can tell whatever i said just triggered one of those moods.

so next thing i know, they've plopped right in my lap and are snuggling super close to me, making me unable to move at all. and they say something about "oh, i bet that works for other sensations too, wanna find out?" and i was like "hmm???" before they started describing like, "imagine my nails slowly running up your arms, just barely touching them. does that feel...ticklish, at all? it'd drive you insane if i was actually doing it...wiggling my nails under your knees, lightly tracing over the kneecaps..." and at this point i'm basically dying but i'm trying to keep it together which was a mistake because they saw it as a challenge. so i'm trying to keep calm as they start listing off different sensations, like blowing air, gently rubbing, and eventually they get to feathers.

so i'm hiding behind my hands because i'm embarrassed and they must've seen me shiver at the mention of feathers, so i know i'm doomed, and they lean in even more, right up by my ear, and whisper "oh...it's the feathers, huh? can you imagine...hmmm...how it would feel to have feathers tracing your cheeks, your ears, your shoulders...what if they got to your armpits? would that tickle? feathers lightly brushing over your armpits?" and i have never gotten giggly from words alone but. but that? like them describing running feathers around my armpits? oh my god. oh my god i've never been so flusteref. i was giggling behind my hands and they looked so proud of themself and were freaking saying how cute that was and i just ghgdhshsjhsjbahbbbb

and their voice gets all deep and raspy when they're tired which makes it so much worse, i nearly died i got so flustered. but yeah thought you might enjoy the story :)

I loveddddd thissss~!! And I'm so sorryyyy this has been in my inbox for a long while. I'm trying to dig back further for stuff that I've read and loved and forgotten to post. Alsoooo a bunch of times I read this and fell apart completelyyy

because I knoww exactly what you're talking about! I've had little convos with people describing the tickles we'd do to one another and there's that like ~ feathery ~ texture that can get on the voice especiallyyy when they're tired, just like you said, and it's like everyyy word is summoning feathers and fingers and brushes to tickle awayyy~

I've had some sessions before which were just like, pure imagination. Where we were snuggled up talking about the wilddd hottt situations we'd put each other in, while mostly being naughty on our own royal parts but occasionally crossing over with an assist. And I completely lost control when they were telling a story about having me in a nightclub, pulling me into their lap and tracing my outfit while tickling in front of all our friends ~ just the tickle voice, the aural teasessss and I fell apart sooo badly~

Ahhhh~! And I know we're not the only onesss ~ maybe I do need to record more audio teases~

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darlingchronicles · 11 months ago

Text

H20, fish out of water (preview)

pairing: jj x fem!mermaid!reader

summary: in a turn of events, jj maybank almost drowned one summer, but thanks to a beautiful (and mystical) creature, he was saved. after obsessing over it for weeks, he returns during another storm in order to find her.

word count: 1.2K *headcanon preview for upcoming fic

warnings: mentions/description of drowning

loosely inspired by "the little mermaid"

enjoy ❤

jj doesn't really believe in the "fanatical" stuff

not really his fault because of his father's abuse and his mother's departure when he was kid

fairytales only disappointed him because he didn't have the kind parents that died or the ones that kept searching for their children even when they're supposed to be dead

heck even king triton loved ariel enough to keep her from what he deemed dangerous. what he would have given for his father to do the same, even if it hurt.

although his mom tried to keep the magic for him, by the time he was in the second or third grade, the tooth fairy, santa claus, the easter bunny, elves, tinkerbell and fairy godmother had been deemed childish and impossible to actually exist

how could it?

magic didn't exist

neither did these fanatical creatures

oh and mermaids as well

he scoffed at the thought

how could humans have evolved so much or even born with fins for feet? and breath underwater? or speak to sea creatures. he's seen the mermaid tale movie so he had a good idea of what people thought about mermaids

being from OBX and coming from a long line of fisherman, he's heard the stories

so many stories

they were beautiful

they were ugly

they tried to call them out to sea to wreck the ships

they were the most kind creatures to ever exist

they never wanted to be seen

they only greet the kindest of souls out to sea

so many stories

it almost made his head hurt

his grandfather, granddad maybank, when he was alive, once told five year old jj that he saw a mermaid once.

she was beautiful

long curly hair that was cherry red with streaks of caramel through them. her face was pointed, but with a rosy glow. she had pink lips and an incredible voice

he saw he only saw her because she tried stealing something off the boat - a wrench

he never got to speak with her or anything

he never even saw her again

but sometimes he said he heard her singing

jj, later on, decided that the old man had a screw loose and that he didn't see crap

so yeah jj's not much a believer in mythical things

so one day, jj decided to go surfing during a storm. because why the hell not?

he'd been waiting since the beginning of a summer for a good storm

to face the dangerous of the soaring winds and waves, letting it splash on his face and cover his body enough that he'll shake from the cold when he gets out

he didn't even tell John B that he was going because he wanted to do it alone

if there was one thing that jj loved, daring danger by himself

(and with others, but hey sometimes he liked to rough it out alone)

he ran off the beach and into the waves, surfing like his life depended on it

the exhilaration

the freedom

the adrenaline

he wasn't anyone

he was just jj maybank

unfortunately, he got so lost in himself that he didn't notice the monster wave heading towards him. by the time he turned his head, it pushed him off his board and into the sea

he pushed himself up, trying to get above water, but with each effort, he is pushed down by the waves

his shortboard is gone, drifted and carried by the waves, never to be seen again

he has nothing to grab onto as he flails around

that's when water begins to fill his mouth

and his nose and his throat

in a last moment to save himself, he was able to capture one gasp of breath before going under the waves

compared to the surface, it was calm under the water, but pitch black. he tried to swim as hard as he could towards what he thought was land, but to avail.

water bubbles began to form as he let go of air, inch by inch before it began to fill his lungs with unimaginable pain

it was something similar to letting water go down the wrong pipe and feeling the burn of your lungs

except there was no relief

just his body beginning to shut down as his eyes began to close - his arms and legs gave out as he floated in the dead calmness of the depths of the sea

jj couldn't believe it. he thought he'd die in a shoot out with the police or by the hands of his own father or in some cool way that would give him a rep of a rebel for life -- forever eternalized in the OBX

but drowning?

now that's embarrassing

but he never got to say goodbye, not to pope, not to john b (heck even kiara who was in her "kook" year and he couldn't give a shit about her at the moment)

what if they never found his body? he just ran away? he'd never abandon them like that. no, jj had a loyalty that was rare to find

he thought of their faces as his eyes began to finally close

and he swore that he hallucinated at the last moment

because he saw something he never thought he would

there was body (a tail?) and hands, soft hands that held onto his face

it was blurred but there was a face in front of his - hair floating around it before it swam around him and pulled him upwards

by then, sleep took over his body and he slumped into the arms, waiting for his soul to leave him

if he had one anyways

next thing he knows, he's coughing

violently coughing

it burns, but as he finished and lets out a sigh of his first breath of air, he opens his eyes in time to see a shadow over him

it was a face

so beautiful it almost shocked him awake, but his body was too tired

wet hair covered her face and her eyes were wide and curious; it was all blurry, however

something alike to a hand went up to touch his cheek, dragging what he believed to be a finger to his jaw, his chin, dragging along his lips, to his nose, forehead and then tangling a strand of his hair around it

and then he heard it

her singing

as if lulling him to sleep

smooth and lovely

and then his eyes closed

and when he opened them, it wasn't a girl

he nearly kissed john b though

"woahhhh there buddy. i'm flattered but i don't think either of us play for both teams"

jj nearly gagged when he realized what he had done

"dude, i nearly called the cops," john b smacked the side of his head, "you've been gone for the entire night and i found you passed out here. how'd you even end up here?"

and jj had no choice but to tell him what he did

john b nearly killed him, but felt like maybe jj did that already because of how he began to talk

"dude there was girl! an actual girl. she saved me."

jj wasn't about to forget her, not at all

thedarlinglore: this is a preview for upcoming fic! should be coming up in the next few days! please do not steal, plagiarize, etc. and once again, thank you mr.maybank. love you my darlings ❤

#jj maybank #jj maybank concept #jj maybank blurb #outerbanks #obx #darlingchronicles #darlingconcepts #darling blurb #preview for a fic #john b routledge

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