#teen facts

[shortest-jorts]

hail and well met, fans of this stupid podcast!!! for a while now, i've been diligently keeping a record of the dad and teen facts, and now that i have a tumblr, it's high time i plugged it here! these are lovingly curated, painstakingly maintained, and embarrassingly comprehensive, truly a sign of the most severe stage of clinical brainrot. come get y'all soup. eat up.

edit: a couple people brought up my content warning joke and in hindsight it was honestly a) not funny b) not cool and c) not helpful which is d) not any of the three things i want this project to be so i fixed it. thanks for bringing that to my attention, i didn’t realize how rude it sounded!

[petracozbi]

The real reason she betrayed Taylor and had a Villian arc

[thecoddaughter]

Beth is so poetic… on purpose or on accident, I don’t care!

Monsters I’ve Met is Terry’s favorite poem from before

She meets Willy and get power from him and goes on to justify him and his actions

She gets out of her Terry brain, but isn’t the Scary we knew before anymore and immediately rolls a 19 against Willy

Naive Terry turned Scary believed Willy was a good person even though people said he was bad

(She also pretends/denies that her bio dad was a bad guy)

She didn’t believe in monsters or think they were that bad as shown by that poem… or something along those lines

[knockknockwhosthereartistism]

The worst trauma comes from those who you love

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF teen Michael tries to cheer up teen Vanny,,

[starii-void]

going to chb must be crazy like imagine sharing a camp with

-one of the strongest demigods ever who's saved the world like at least 3 times, fought multiple gods & titans and WON (and is a tartarus survivor)

-the literal main architect of OLYMPUS who's also saved the world multiple times (also tartarus survivor)

-THE lord of the wild who's also close friends with the first two (and has helped save the world multiple times)

-an emo kid from the 1930s who again helped save the world and is also a tartarus survivor (TWICE)

-a son of apollo who survived tartarus with nothing but cargo shorts and sheer will (pun intended)

-the main designer and builder for the argo II, also the first hephaestus kid to have fire powers since hundreds of years ago (did i mention killed gaea? no? yeah he did that too)

-a girl who somehow charmspeak-ed gaea into falling back asleep (also side note daughter of super famous actor because why not)

-pretty much everybody is a two-time war veteran

-THE GOD APOLLO who just sometimes comes down to visit in the form of a teenage boy

-did i mention dionysus, god of wine madness and theatre

-also chiron, trainer of pretty much every greek hero ever

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[itbeaheadcannon]

i've always just headcannoned that Stiles has keys, passkeys and codes to everyones stuff. you have a house key, car key, or something needing a code? Stiles has several copies on himself and hidden elsewhere.

like this dude has sticky fingers, and eyes everywhere. he's got the ability to get it into the sheriff's station, the school, hospital and vet. like if it's a mildly important place or is just slightly interesting, chances are high; he's got a key and code to get in

every time they try to change codes or keys, he has copies made a day later. no one is safe. no one.

people try to complain to the Sheriff, in the hopes he'll be able to stop him

he tells them all to suck it up.

while Stiles is the light of his life, he's also a feral gremlin,

the sheriff has been trying to keep him out of his stuff since he could walk

stiles also 100% has house and car keys to all of the pack

it drives argent insane that he can't keep him out

they've tried changing their stuff

it doesn't work

he also somehow got their passwords

(it wasn't hard, they're all stupid and have easy to guess passwords)

((besides Lydia and Danny))

[shawsimmer]

a sulani trip for mars' birthday :)

i've finally escaped the toddler phase yippeee

[lanternbats]

also. have you ever watched/read Scott Pligrim? because the idea of Hal having to fight Bruce’s seven evil exes has been consuming me

Ahem. Yeah. I might like Scott Pilgrim. And while the seven evil exes are fun (and we all know Bruce has enough of them to make it happen) please consider:

[postureofashrimp]

i actually really liked this episode, but im still sad there was no agathario :(

[lotus-pear]

yeah sure therapy is nice but teen soukoku is faster and a lot cheaper

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 225

Klarion is EXCITED. He's absolutely DELIGHTED even, unable to sit still as he flits from place to place. His baby cousin! Is! Visiting! Which OBVIOUSLY means he, as the older one, must make sure the main places are still standing so he can show his itty bitty baby cousin EVERYTHING! After all, he's never gotten to be the older one! He's always been the youngest in the family! But now he has an itty bitty toddler cousin- form recently shifted to match- to teach the ways of Chaos to! He's so EXCITED!

The League and heroes on the other hand, are Very concerned about Why the Witch Boy has been spotted in practically every major city in the US in the last few days. What is he planning?!

[boarloved-art]

*wwx voice* when lan zhan visits yunmeng we should play 7 minutes in heaven and we should get specifically me in there with him think of how funny itll be if we made ou- i mean freaked him out

[ID by bytedykes: MDZS fanart. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are in a closet. Wei Wuxian has Lan Wangji backed up against a wall, one hand blocking him in. He's leaning in, smiling. Lan Wangji has a nervous expression and has an Episode-style thought bubble that says, "So this is 7 minutes in heaven..." then there are two choices: "Make out?!" and "Strangle him with a coat hanger". /end ID]

[chloesimaginationthings]

IS THAT JEREMY!?

I’M GLAD YALL NOTICED THIS DETAIL! To answer your question,,, oh yknow

[starstuffandalotofcoffee]

this was a good read