#teaching everything you need (which it might not necessarily be doing)

[maybege]

Lessons Learned

Summary: Someone accuses you of the most horrendous crime possible. Paz makes sure to prove them wrong.

Pairing: alpha!clan leader!Paz Vizsla x omega!fem!Reader

Wordcount: 6.0k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, marriage of convenience, enemies to lovers vibes (but really it is just idiots to lovers), (unfounded) accusations of child harm, fluff, yearning, scenting,

Big shoutout to @mostly-megan who helped me bring this story to life! I am so excited to share more about etl!Paz, it really is one of those AUs that I constantly think about but very rarely do I actually write about it. I hope you like it as much as I loved writing it! Please let me know what you think in a comment or a reblog – they are the best things about sharing it with you. Happy Sunday!

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

Had anyone ever told you that you not only would wed Paz Vizsla, leader of your enemy clan, but you would live a somewhat happy life in the covert, you would not have hesitated to call that person a liar. Yet here you were, living a somewhat solitary but not necessarily unhappy life.

Sure, the mountain halls had needed some getting used to. You missed the sunshine on your face whenever you roamed the hallways, but the tunnels and rooms carved into the mountains kept you nicely cool in the summer and allowed the nature above to grow freely. You had heard from many people, independent of their clan, that the Vizsla territory was well-kept and well-protected. The flora and fauna were thriving and you had never seen so many butterflies as when you spent a few minutes outside.

Sadly, the glimpses you got from nature were through carved windows or courtyards that allowed you to gaze at the colours of the sky. You could not remember when you had simply lain down in a meadow, allowing the sounds of nature to soothe you to sleep. Your guards were quite strict, and though you had a feeling that they would not keep you from going outside, surely, they would report back to your husband and you were not ready to have to justify your comings and goings.

It was a pleasant surprise, then, when Maudii from the foundlings’ nursery asked you if you would like to help out in the classrooms. Teaching little ones was something you knew from your time back home and you enjoyed reading stories to them, teaching them the old legends and helping them improve their reading and writing.  

However, your favourite part by far was when Maudii announced an excursion out of the covert and into nature. The trips to the outside were an absolute success. You got to wander through the meadows, along the edge of the woods, carefully crossing small streams as the children took in everything with big eyes and even bigger grins. You knelt down in the bushes, showing them the difference between the delicious berries you could put in cakes and the ones that were only meant for birds.

Each night, you lay in your little guestroom, tired out from spending the day in the fresh air and sunshine and finally felt like you had found a place where you could belong. Your husband might not love you and your body might betray you whenever you saw him, but finally, you had people in the covert who did not sneer at you whenever you crossed their paths.

Of course, that was only wishful thinking.

“What is going on?” you asked the guard who had suddenly appeared in the midst of your lesson the next morning. Kroks was not a stranger to you. Dieko had introduced him as one of the warriors in training and the young man was always very cordial towards you. Which is why his worried gaze set you on alert.

“Will you come with us, please?” Kroks looked uncomfortable but the guard next to him did not wait for your reply. His grip on your arm came as a surprise and it hurt, the physical pain overshadowed by the betrayal that even after months in this clan, you were still treated like an enemy. Maudii looked on with helpless fear and shock as you passed her, but you knew there was nothing she could do.

The walk to the throne room was not an unfamiliar one but it felt longer than usual now that you were dragged through the hallways like you had committed murder. No one spoke to you, no one told you why you were summoned and you could not help the panic that rose in you. If you were summoned by the guards, it could only mean that Paz knew about it. And what could possibly cause your husband to summon you like a common criminal?

Images flashed in your mind of wars and battles, all of them involving Paz and your family at home. What if your sacrifice had all been for nothing? What if it had not been enough to broker peace between your clans and now you would be the first victim of the new wave of battles?

But even as you thought it, there was a trust in you that Paz would not harm you.

The heavy doors to the throne room were pulled open, and your eyes immediately settled on him. Your husband was sitting on his throne, legs spread, chin resting on his hand and your heart skipped a beat at the memory of how, not too long ago, you had joined him there.

The moment he spotted you was clear because he sat up, back straight and a deep frown on his face. Like he had not expected to see you. That was a good sign, right?

You were not the only ones in the room, of course, and after you finally ripped your eyes away from your husband, you recognised a few council members and some guards standing around the room. Right in front of your husband was a man you did not recognise.

“You interrupted my council meeting with empty accusations and now you drag my wife here,” Paz’s voice boomed through the room, sounding very bored, “Please enlighten us to what end you interrupt my very day, Roalm.”

“I am here because our guest,” Roalm spat out the word, “has committed the most treacherous and spiteful of acts.”

It took you a minute to realise he meant you. You were the guest. You were the one who had committed something so horrible, you had been dragged here to face the consequences. The frown on your face did little to also cover the anxiety that surged up. Your heart beat loudly in your chest and you got nervous.

What did he mean? What had you done? You were more than aware that although you were all Mandalorian, there were differences in your culture that you had not caught up on completely. All in all, though, you got the impression that you hadn’t done something completely stupid. Yet.

“It brings me no pleasure to say this,” Roalm continued gravely before pointing his finger at you, his eyes full of hatred, “She has poisoned the foundlings.”

His accusation sat in the empty room for a moment, the shock following soon after. His words kept echoing in your head as you tried to determine if all this was real or if maybe you were still dreaming. Maybe you were still asleep, curled up in your bed with blankets, and at any moment, you would hear one of Paz’s advisors enter his room, updating him on his daily schedule. Maybe you were close to your heat? You always had the most absurd and scary dreams then.

None of that happened, though, you were still standing on the stone floor, your eyes wide as you watched Paz sit up straighter, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees. The guard behind you seemed to understand what had been said earlier than you, because your knees suddenly met the floor as you were pushed to kneel in front of Paz.

“What?” you breathed, wincing through the pain, “No, I – I would never – I haven’t …”

“She's been taking the foundlings out to the fields for weeks now,” the man interrupted you, sounding so sure of himself, “And several of them have said they were being fed berries by her. Poisonous berries! Clearly, she has been sent here by her pack of traitors to cause us the most possible harm. Not only is she infiltrating us by being married to our leader, she is jeopardising our entire future.”

Tears gathered in your eyes. You wanted to be strong. You needed to be strong. But stars, you were so tired. You had done everything to make a good impression, to make sure that you were polite and kind to everyone. And you had been so happy to finally find a place where you could do something. Where you could be happy and useful and –

“I would never …” you sobbed, “I would never harm them. I didn’t harm them. Paz, please,” you looked up, finding your husband’s gaze on you, "Please. Please, believe me.”

Your husband always looked imposing on his throne. It was hard to believe that it had not been too long ago that you had joined him on his lap, letting his fingers explore parts of your body that resulted in ecstasy and now you were kneeling on the floor, teardrops forming a little pool in the grooves of the stone beneath you. Oh, how the mighty could fall.

“You know,” Paz’s voice was cool but it had an edge to it that you could not identify, “One might say that everything my wife does is a reflection of me. Would you suggest that your own clan leader has been conspiring to kill foundlings?”

“N-no, no! Of course not, m’lord. I was merely suggesting. I-it was –“

“Then you had better have proof of such things,” you watched with baited breath as the alpha rose up, towering over everyone in the room, even more so now that you were kneeling, “I hope you’ll be able to back up those claims when me and my guards join the trip tomorrow. Or else you’ll have not only insulted my wife, but you’ll have threatened her well-being. Now, everybody leave.”

*

You had never slept so badly, tossing and turning all night as you tried to give your panicked thoughts a rest. Not even the night before you had snuck out of your clan’s quarters to offer yourself to the scary enemy alpha, you had been this nervous. Maybe because you knew there was nothing keeping you from being killed if people thought you actually poisoned the foundlings.

You frowned, staring at the dark ceiling. None of the foundlings had been sick in the last few weeks (with the exception of one case of a cough which had turned out to be from too much dust in a carpet) and you trusted your abilities enough to know poisonous from edible berries.

Surely, your excursion today would prove your innocence.

Because if it didn’t …

Tears threatened to spill onto your cheeks again.

Hearing Kroks enter Paz’s room, greeting up, felt like a relief then. The day was starting and so was your chance to prove yourself.

You chose your prettiest dress to wear, made of long linen that had been dyed with flower petals. The children loved to find the flowers in the wild that had been used for the colours on your dress and with all the excitement of today, you wanted them to have as much fun as possible.

The sun was shining as your larger-than-usual group finally reached one of the hidden exits of the caves. There was not a cloud in the sky and you were greeted with a cool breeze that rustled the trees and made the meadows look like green oceans. Everyone was in a good mood, chattering happily as you made your way along the edge of the woods.

Well, not everyone.

The only people who were more serious than you were the few council members and guards that Paz had ordered to accompany you. Roalm was one of them.

You tried your hardest to ignore the man as you knelt in the grass, letting the children explore and run around to their heart's content. You had been scared that the unannounced guests on your trip would throw them off, but you should not have worried. The little ones were very happy with the extra attention they got, running this way and that way and picking berries to show the guards which ones were for them and which ones were for the birds.

The council members stayed back but you did not let yourself be tricked by their silence. You knew they were watching every move you made and listening intently to every word that left your mouth. There was no room for mistakes. No room for ambiguity.

Luckily, the children did not share your predicament and instead let themselves be distracted whenever they deemed the lesson too boring.

One of the distractions they found was their clan leader.

You would not have expected Paz to be as relaxed as he was. He let himself be tugged along by tiny hands, climbed on by the toddlers, all with the biggest smile and a deep laugh. You watched in awe as he carried them on his shoulders, making sure they did not fall, even as they hung from his arms with happy squeals.

Paz Vizsla, for all his talks about the importance of foundlings, had not made a particularly child-friendly impression on you. Clearly, you had been wrong.

The sight of him surrounded by the children made your heart flutter and you found yourself able to take one deep breath after another as you and Maudii pointed out new plants to your students. Your eyes met your husband’s on more than one occasion and there was a strange expression on his face, with just the hint of a smile on his mouth.

Maybe everything would turn out to be okay.

*

Lunch was taken on a meadow. No one had arrested you yet, which you counted as a win and when Maudii and some of the guards opened the baskets full of food, you had the first moment of today to just relax.

You were all alone when you sat back against a tree, right underneath the shade, and bit into a delicious berry bread. In front of you, you watched the children play with Paz, their little forms almost hidden by the tall grass as they tried to escape from the “monster”, a role your husband impersonated surprisingly well.

His roars and laughter and were interrupted by the children’s giggles as, one after the other, they were plucked from the ground and put on his shoulders. You could barely see him by the end, with all the children clinging to him as he slowly made his way to where all the adults were waiting. Maudii greeted them with a smile as Kroks helped her distribute the packed lunches the kitchen had prepared for them.

“But we are not done,” Lia pouted, “The monster hasn’t caught us all yet.”

“Of course, I did, little warrior,” Paz laughed as he lifted another kid off his shoulder, “I caught all of you hiding in the grass, didn’t I?”

Lia took a big bite of the bread, her words muffled. “You need to chase her, too,” she pointed to you and you could see Paz’s gaze darken as he followed her arm.

“Um, I don’t know …” you trailed off, highly aware of him now mustering you.

But Paz did not seem to share your worries. Your husband stood up, seeming taller than usual. “C’mon, ‘mega,” he chuckled, putting his helmet on, “It could be fun.”

Chancing a glance at the council members, you realised that no one really was paying attention. And it did sound fun, it certainly sounded like a distraction. Maybe that was exactly what you needed, right now?

You carefully stood up, smoothing a wrinkle out of your dress and looked up to find Paz's face fixed on you. Through the black visor of the helmet, you could not see his eyes, but you knew he was watching you. You could feel it, the tingle in your spine whenever this alpha focused on you.

One tentative step backwards by you was followed by one step from him, following you. The grass was soft under your shoes and the sun was warm on your skin as you left the shade of the tree.

There was something stuck in your throat that made it hard to swallow when he took another step.

Before you could debate your decision, you hurled around and ran.

The children cheered, and you swore you could hear one or two of the guards whoop as you raced around the meadow. You could not remember the last time you had run around freely, much less because you were playing catch. The wind in your hair felt freeing and you could feel a laugh forming in your chest.

However, you weren’t as fast as you thought you were because only seconds later, you could hear thundering footsteps behind you. And they were getting closer.

Paz really was chasing you and although you had simply wanted to indulge the foundlings’ wishes, you could not bring yourself to just … lose. You wanted to make him work for it, maybe even win, and you certainly did not want to put on a weak performance before the council.

Your hands gripped your skirt tighter as you lifted it higher, allowing you to lengthen your strides and you could hear Paz’s puffs of air as he ran behind you. Chasing you. Hunting you.

A shiver ran down your spine as you tried to ignore how your body reacted to him. Panic and something thrilling coursed through you when you could feel him at your back. The anticipation made your pussy pulse which had nothing to do with the fact that it was your husband behind you. Nothing at all.

There was a brush of fingers on your back and your heart lurched.

I’m not ready to go back, your head screamed, I’m not done yet.

And so, you did the only sensible thing: You stopped suddenly before sprinting to the sharp left, right into the woods.

Paz’s chuckle behind you made you feel all sorts of things (most of them which you tried to ignore because, again, your husband had no effect on you, whatsoever).

“You’re really making me work for it, huh?” he called behind you as you twisted around the trees, the trunks getting thicker the more you ventured into the forest.

Your response was only a laugh, jumping over a little stream that Paz must have just stomped through from the sounds of it. If you could just stay in this moment forever, maybe then everything would be alright. The kids would be safe and so would you because even if the council decided against you, there was no way they would find you here in the midst of –

“Oof!”

All the air left your lungs as you crashed against a tree trunk. You waited for it to hurt but nothing followed the slight discomfort of your sudden stop. Your back was against the tree but there was something between your head and the wood. His hand.

Paz had cushioned your crash, crowding you in with no means of escape while also cradling you to him like you were the most precious thing in the world. His body was huge, shielding you from your surroundings but instead of intimidating you, all you felt was safe.

Like this had been the goal of your run all along.

“Got you,” he rumbled and you watched as his chest rose and fell evenly. He wasn’t even out of breath, that bastard.

“And now?” you asked, your voice trembling.

He tilted his head and you hoped he would not ask you to elaborate. You didn’t want to admit that you like being this close, that you wanted to stay like this for as long as he would allow. The embarrassment would kill you, surely.

But then he tilted his head the other way and you realised he was listening for something.

When he heard (or didn’t hear?) what he wanted, you watched with baited breath as he leant back, putting an unacceptable amount of distance between the two of you, and lifted his helmet.

You knew what your husband looked like. You always had. For the longest time, you had convinced yourself that he was as ugly as your family had made him out to be. That his evil personality translated into an appearance that made him just as repulsive.

But now that you had spent time with him, that you endured his teaching and his cocky self-assurance and witness his joy with his friends and the foundlings and had him touch you – intimately – in ways no one ever had, you had to admit: Your husband was the most handsome man you knew. Inside and out.

(He was still annoyingly cocky, though.)

Watching his face be revealed to you once again, made your heart switch to an unusual pitter-patter, skipping every second beat and pumping so string, it almost hurt. The lines on his face, the crease between his brows, the crinkles next to his eyes, it all made your pulse run faster. And then he smiled at you, so softly, you were done for.

“Seems like I caught my prize,” he rumbled, his nose brushing against yours, “Wonder what I’ll do with her.”

“Oh,” you gasped, shifting against the tree, your hips bumping against his. His scent washed over you and you wished he hadn’t worn his full training get-up. You wished he had worn the soft pants he had worn that night, the ones you had been able to feel his hard flesh through.

Your husband seemed to be just as unhappy with your position because his helmet landed on the ground, cushioned by the grass, and his hands grabbed yours, lifting them above your head.

“Stay still and let me scent you,” he rumbled, one hand closing around both of your wrists, the other landing on your hip. His touch was hot, making you squirm even more. When his nose brushed over your scent gland, coating you in the smell of pines and smoke, you had a whole-body shiver. The kind that made you very aware of how wet your underwear was getting.

“Paz,” you gasped, tilting your head back so he had more access.

The only response you got was a growl. His hand around yours tightened and then his mouth opened against your neck and he sucked.

Was it possible to come from just this?

You wanted to touch him, you wanted to be closer to him, but his grip on you was steadfast, only letting you move however he wanted you to.

“You smell afraid, omega,” he praised you, the tip of his nose brushing all the way up to you just under your ear, “Am I scaring you?”

“No!” you protested quickly, eyes widening with fear that you had just pushed him away, “I’m not – not of you, I promise!”

“Shh,” he calmed you, dark eyes looking at you so warmly, “I know the only person you’d ever want to kill is me, love”, he whispered against your neck, “You’d never hurt any of the children and I believe you.”

You hadn’t realised how high-strung you were until his words registered in your head. Paz believed you. He had never doubted you. Even if everything went horribly wrong now, he was the one person in your corner whom you could trust.

The knowledge that he believed you lifted a weight off your shoulders you had not quite realised you were carrying. But now that it was gone, you could feel the fear and panic of the last 24 hours crashing over you.

“Oh, ‘mega,” he breathed as your body started to shake with tears. Paz did not loosen his grip. He stepped even closer, his front completely pressed against yours until he was close enough that you could tuck your head into the crook of his neck.

His hold on your hands went away and seconds later, he had you wrapped up in his arms, holding you while you sobbed into his neck.

“I didn’t do it,” you whimpered, “And I – I don’t understand what else I need to do to get them to trust me. I – they’re kids, Paz! I’d never hurt the kids.”

“I know,” he rumbled, “Let it all out, love. You’d never hurt anyone, I know. We’re proving him wrong today, you’ll see.”

“I’m just so tired of it,” you admitted, feeling your chest calm down, “I’m so tired of having to prove myself and no one believing me.”

Paz started moving and you realised he was slowly swaying you back and forth. “I believe you.”

And in that moment, it was enough.

*

This time, when you were called to the throne room, you felt hopeful.

Paz was sitting back on his throne, dressed in more casual clothes, and you could feel your cheeks warm at the heat in his gaze.

“Omega,” he greeted you, his voice filled with fondness that made your heart clench, “I called you here to convene with the council before Roalm comes in.”

You looked up, realising he had spoken true. The only people here were the council members who had accompanied you on your trip and Paz.

“Do,” you swallowed and shifted your feet, “Do you want me to defend myself now?”

“I see no reason for you to defend yourself,” Dieko said, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “The children seemed to have fun and were quick to identify which berries were good and which ones weren’t.”

“And when they were unsure, they approached you or Maudii to consult,” another one added, “And received the correct answer. You did a good job at teaching them, m’lady, and I am sure I am not the only one who would support our foundlings to have more trips to our lands.”

It was one thing to know that you would not be in danger of execution from the council; it was another to actually be praised by them. You were so stunned, all you could do was look at him, trying to find words of gratitude.

“C’mere, omega,” Paz called and you turned around, “I want you here for this.”

His hands rested on his thick thighs and you hoped no one noticed how nervous his request made you. Sitting on his lap wasn’t that extraordinary for them. You had learned from Maudii that that was how previous leaders had held court in this clan.

For you, it felt oddly intimate.

“This is less fun than the last time we sat like this,” he joked quietly as he helped you settle on his lap. Your ears burned at the memory of how his fingers felt inside you. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Oh, hush,” you hissed and he chuckled, his big arm wrapping round your back until you sat sideways on him. It was so much easier to focus on him than on the rest of the room.

“Let me tease you, love,” he rumbled, his nose brushing over your jaw, “It’s my favourite part of the day.”

You were about to retort something very smart, you were sure of it, when the doors opened and you were faced with Roalm. He looked worse for wear than the first time you had seen him in this room but his presence still made you tense, your spine stiffening until Paz’s nose was on your neck again.

“Oh,” you breathed, pines and smoke filling your nostrils, “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, love,” his mouth moved against your sensitive skin, “Anything to keep you calm and happy, hm?”

You ignore the flutter in your heart in favour of melting against him, fully relaxing against his chest and letting yourself be encompassed by his scent.

“M’lord Vizsla,” Roalm started, his voice wavering as his eyes darted between you and your husband and the guards surrounding him, “I am so –“

“Since you did not give my wife the benefit of speaking in her defence, I will return the favour,” Paz’s voice cut through the hall and you flinched in surprise. Where did all that anger come from?

Your hand settled on his chest and you could feel his heartbeat, strong and steady. But there was something sharp and acid tickling your nostrils and you swallowed. Paz wasn’t only angry. He was furious. And all of this on your behalf.

“Did you see my wife poisoning the children?”

“Uh … well, not exactly, but that doesn’t mean –“

“Did any of the children feel unwell?”

“No, but …”

Paz’s hand squeezed your hip gently and you heard his sharp inhale, breathing you in. “So, you mean to tell me that my wife has been trying to murder innocent lives without having seen anything, without having any proof and even after seeing how beloved she is by them?”

“I am so sorry,” Roalm whimpered, cowering before you. You knew he must be scared. Stars, you would be, too, if Paz were this furious with you. Still, you couldn’t find it in yourself to feel sorry for the man who had accused you of the most heinous crime.

“It’s too late for apologies,” Paz hissed, “You implied my wife deserved to be executed for her crimes. Do you think you deserve that same fate?”

Your head whipped around, seeking your husband’s gaze. You were angry, yes, and you were not ready to forgive him yet. But did you want him to die in your name? No. You didn’t want anyone to die because of this.

Paz met your gaze, his frown softening. “He’ll be unharmed, my love,” he whispered, quiet enough for only you to hear, “But he will regret the day he dared to put you in danger.”

The determination in his voice made your heart sing and you turned around just in time to see Paz motion for the guards. “A few days in a cell should give you enough time to think about the consequences of your actions,” he announced, “Now leave my sight.”

Roalm’s wailing lasted only for a few seconds before the heavy doors closed behind him and the guards and suddenly everything returned to its usual business. People filtered through the doors, talking in small groups and you could see a few of the guards leave while the rest took their posts by the entrances.

Everyone acted like nothing happened at all but you could not bring yourself to it.

“Can … Can I stay here for a while?” you asked, not trusting yourself to look at Paz to face his rejection, “Just for a bit?”

His response was immediate. His hands pulled you even tighter to him and you could feel him shift in his seat until your head could comfortably lie against his chest. The way your body relaxed into him was not lost on you.

“You can stay here however long you wish to,” his fingers gently circled your scent gland, “And you can return tomorrow, too, if you like.”

*

“I want you in my bed tonight.”

The announcement came after dinner when you both had retired to your rooms. You were sitting on your bed, trying to subtly arrange the many blankets into a nest, discreetly sneaking your dress in there as well. Only because it was soft, of course, and not because his scent still clung to it.

You squeaked at his appearance in your doorframe. Paz usually spent his evenings in the parlour, sitting by the fire and reading notes before going to bed in the bedroom that was meant for the two of you.

Ever since you had married, Paz had made it clear he wouldn’t force himself on you. But maybe after the excitement of the day, he had changed his mind? Maybe his protecting you was bound to some sort of expectation that you now had to fulfil?

The fear on your face must have been obvious because the grin he sent you made your knees weak. “Not for any marital duties,” he winked, “Though I’m not opposed to it if you decide you want to know what a knot feels like.”

Do not think about taking his knot. Do not think about what taking his knot would feel like. Do not think about how he would praise you for taking his knot.

“Why then?” you asked, hands folded in your lap as you avoided his gaze, “Why do you want me … with you?”

Silence followed and you prayed to the stars that he could not smell how wet you were for him.

“I need to know you are safe,” he said, finally, “I would sleep better when you are close by.”

You would never admit it but it was the first time someone had voiced genuine concern for your well-being. The thought of it made your heart ache. After all, you had lived your entire life trying to serve your family’s – your clan’s – best intentions and all it got you was their rejection and life in a covert that you had been taught was enemy territory.

It was easy, then, to follow him back to his bedroom and carefully settle on one side of the giant bed while Paz settled on the other.

Despite its size, it did not take long until you reached your hand to the side and found him under the blankets.

“You probably need to visit the foundlings more often after today,” you said, a smile on your lips as you remembered how they had used him as a playground, “they really enjoyed themselves.”

“And did you?”

You turned to the side, finding him already looking at you. There was something so gentle about seeing him in the dim light of the embers, the lines on his face all smoothed over, the thin sheet pulled up only to his waist. “I did, too,” you confirmed, feeling out of breath for no reason at all, as you looked over his broad chest, “Although the thing you said today …”

“Which one?” he enquired, his hand reaching out to pull you closer. A warm feeling started in your chest when you cuddled up against him, his large hand swooping up and down your back, “I say many things when the day is long.”

You smiled. “You said, uh, you said that you know the only person I’d want to kill in the covert is you,” you recalled, rubbing your feet together for warmth, “Do you really think that?”

“Is it not true?”

The casualness with which he said it broke your heart. Did he really think you thought so little of him? Had the past few months not affected him at all, so he thought they hadn’t affected you either?

“I wouldn’t want to kill you,” you said firmly, needing him to hear you. “Maybe there was a time when the thought brought me comfort but it’s been a long time since then. I … feel comfortable here. With you and the foundlings and Kroks and Maudii.”

Hu hummed in acknowledgement and in a matter of seconds, you went from feeling like you needed to share your feelings to feeling like you had overshared once again. Paz may not be interested in you in that way … Were you even interested in him in that way?

The answer to that was clear.

“Can I scent you?”

“Yes.”

He rolled you around so he was on top of you, his eyes serious. Just like in the forest, his hand found your wrists, pinning them into the soft mattress. Your foreheads rested against one another and your breaths mingled-

His eyes searched for something and you wondered what it was, wondered if you could give it to him.

“I need you to know, little wife,” he murmured, his thumb brushing steadily over the scent glands on your wrists, “Everything I do these days is so you feel safe and comfortable. If I can’t offer you that,” you watched his throat bob, “Then maybe I do deserve to killed by you.”

Your brows furrowed in protest. Trying to free your hands was futile because his grip was so tight, so you did the only thing you could. You lifted your face up, right to his jaw and started scenting him. The shudder that went through his body made you smile and you continued, brushing your nose to the point right behind his ear.

His entire weight was resting on you now, making moving impossible but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to move anyway. You wanted to stay here and breathe him in – the familiar scent of pines and smoke making you feel at ease.

“I am right where I want to be,” you admitted into the quiet of the night, your eyes drooping closed, “And I want to be here with you, alpha.”

[rigelmejo]

I know I'm a broken record. But really... so often, the problem a learner encounters when they ask "I haven't been making any progress! What am I doing wrong?" is just... they haven't studied enough hours to make the progress they're expecting to.

A person wonders why after a Japanese 1 college class (which usually covers half of Genki 1, or part of N5 at the most), is wondering why they can't understand anime: well beginners can't! They have not studied anywhere near the amount of material they need to, to understand anime, and no where near the amount of hours it takes! It's going to take 1000+ hours of study, probably closer to 2000-3000 hours for most people. Or, reaching at least N3, to start understanding some anime, and N3 takes an estimated ~1,000-1,700 hours of study. For a very good understanding of anime, aiming for N1 on the JLPT, takes an estimated ~2,500 to 4,500+ hours of study. Of course a few hundred hours of a semester of a class, and self study, is not going to get you to the point of understanding anime.

A person self studies for 200 hours in a year, or takes a year of French classes, and wonders why they're only A2 in French: A2 takes an estimated ~180-200 hours, but intermediate B1 and B2 take MANY hundreds of hours to reach! B1 takes an estimated 350-400 hours of study, and B2 takes an estimated 500-600 hours of study. And that's depending on if the estimates include only class hours, or class hours and expected self-study at home (with expected self-study hours these estimates can double).

Someone said once on a language forum that each increase in language level is exponential - so it takes a short amount of time to reach A1, twice the amount of time to reach A2, twice the amount of time of A2 to reach B1, twice the amount of time of B1 to reach B2 etc... and I mostly agree. So each time you hit a big milestone (like a level in a language), expect it to take twice as long to hit the next significantly big milestones. So if you achieved A1, give yourself twice as much time to reach A2, and then twice the amount of time it took you to reach A2 to reach B1. Etc.

(there are other issues too: if you're self studying then you might be repeatedly studying the same material and not progressing onto anything new - that would cause a stall in progress and I did that often as a beginner, if you're self studying then you might not have figured out the ways you learn the best - and that can cause delays in progress because you're sometimes using ways that don't stick well for you, if you're studying in a class then you might not be practicing any of the things you're learning - and the lack of practice is making you stall - such as learning new vocabulary but not actually practicing speaking or reading anything, but these problems are a matter of planning your study to do something new regularly and practice regularly - which can be fixed on your own or by talking with a teacher or tutor or another learner who's accomplished the goal you're aiming for).

[acexsmhking]

HEY IT'S ME

Toby relationship HC'S but with a F!Reader who's super bug in communication.

Like if Toby has an outburst she'll try to sit down and talk it out, if he's upset at her she'll try to find the source.

But through everything, she's all super loving and never makes any indication to leave because in the end she's madly and deeply in love with Toby

Specifically one of those true crimes fans that once she met him was like "AWOOGA'

Sorry so super specific:(

𝐍𝐨𝐧𝐩𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝

(𝗮𝗱𝗷.) 𝗩𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼

╰┈➤ Communication x Toby Head-canons

Summary: how well does Tobias handle communication and having an expressive/open S/O

Warning(s): Social stunted growth, Mentions of cannibalism, mentions of violence, mental health issues

Tobias is very complicated in how he handles communication, especially after breakdowns

Toby is.. expressive yes.. but not in a very traditional sense

Toby is all for you expressing yourself, he wants to know what you’re thinking 24/7 any problems or any issues

Need something fixed? Want something built? Want anything at all?

He will immediately get on it for you, doesn’t matter what time or day it is.. however he doesn’t handle.. emotions well

When it’s fights (which are very rare given how devoted he is) Tobias can be nasty. And I mean nasty. He can get mean and get mean fast. It’s mostly just himself

((POP him out a tit in the middle of a fight and he will completely become flustered))

It can be increasingly hard to calm him down and actually talk about things. And at most it’s actually just Tobias sobbing and apologizing, he gets scared everytime he gets negatively emotional around you

What if he does to you what he does to other?

Thinking about eating you while fucking is very different feeling than actually possible eating you

When it’s his own bad feelings or doubts he doesn’t say anything. He genuinely doesn’t know how to really communicate these things. Despite how much Tim and Brian handle him, Tobias has been like this for decades his understanding of human life is all very new

He just doesn’t see the point in talking about himself when all he sees himself as is a thing

Hence… Tobias can snap. And when he snaps it can be a lot

While Toby would never.. physically hurt you (not too much) he CAN and WILL throw/smash things around the house or outside

God forbid if he can’t vent out his angry around you. The consequences others have to face is… devastating

All in all, Tobias does genuinely care about you expressing yourself and communicating things. He might have a difficulty understanding concepts or instructions (show him first while explaining) but he will try

DO NOT expect him to handle himself or arguments well. I would suggest not even really trying to ‘teach’ him. Leave that to Tim and Brian

It’s not that.. Tobias really.. means to put you both on different levels it’s just. They understand and know more about Toby and what he is/experiences to be able to safely correct him

As his spouse Tobias sees you not necessarily below him, just you aren’t really qualified

Like getting a dog trainer for your dog

But you being okay with how.. gruesome Toby is? Yeah that turns him on especially if you help him lead people into the woods for him to kill/eat??

Oh his sweet darling <3

Toby loves how you love, and he always appreciates it. Just.. when he’s irritated don’t try talking things out. Just hold him maybe a few kisses then just let him be

[heyitstam]

dr. robert chase x reader - the chase itself (smut)

hi guys :D i know i haven't posted in a while, but i recently asked a VERY good friend of mine to cook me a fanfic of this very beautiful man, and HE DELIVERED. like all out jaws on the floor type delivered. so i'm posting it here with his permission. it's his first fanfic ever, and in my humble professional opinion he overdelivered - so have fun reading this beautiful smut fic of reader and dr. chase <3

I. Humble Beginnings

Taking place in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, New Jersey, you are a fairly new nurse who pursued a medical career in quite a common way. The way being that it was more so your parents’ wish for you to go to medical school than your own, but you don’t necessarily hate that fact; at least it gave you a direction, so to speak.

It’s early in the morning, so there’s not a whole lot going on. You went around doing your usual checkups already and what not, therefore you decide to go on your well deserved coffee break. However, right as you are are on that, and you step out of the cubicle you are in, you glance over to an unfamiliar face through an operating room.

Some would call it love at first sight, but it really is more than that. It’s the kind of tingly sensation no one could forget. It’s almost shameful, but you can’t be bothered by that feeling right now. As if you physically couldn’t take your eyes off of them, you lose all sense of purpose, standing there, unable to think. Suddenly, someone bumps into you, which wakes you up from your total amusement. You feel the need to know more, so as you squint your eyes, you can read their name off of the shirt they are wearing.

“Dr. Robert Chase..?  I need to.. have a talk with him. I just need to.” – you think to yourself, ponderingly.

You go back to working with a saturated mind, unable to concentrate.

II. The Chase Itself

As days go by, you’re quite hesitant to reach out to him, but you seriously feel the need to. Why is that, really, you ask yourself. You ache to even have a talk with him at this point, but you long for more. Way more. You can’t think of anything else.

After contemplating for a good while, you decide to ask around to know what time he gets off from work, since you want to surprise him at the last minute. That’s the only way you see that you could have a one-on-one with him anytime soon.

With that out the way, you now know everything you needed to know. The only thing that divides you from your desire is to actually act up on it, so you gather all your courage. You look at the time, and you’re actually pretty shocked how caught up you were thinking about him. If you don’t hurry then you’re going to miss him that day entirely, so you start sprinting.

You notice him as he is turning around the corner, all dressed up, ready to leave, and you stumble right into him.

“I need to tell you something inside, it’s.. it’s important, alright. And it might just take a while” – you tell him, struggling with your words. “Great. I was just about to leave, you know. Whatever, show me, I don’t have much time for this. Is it really that important?” – he answers abruptly, being quite impatient.

You suddenly catch a rush of excitement. This is all that you were planning for the past few days or so, to get close to him, and it looks like you’re on track.

III. An Uneasy Start

Chase swings open the door of the office he’s just been in, ushering you in and closing the door behind him, since there’s quite the commotion even late into the night, it’s a hospital after all. It’s dark inside, the only light sources being a dim lamp he accidentally left on and the Moon seeping through the closed blinds faintly. The room has a surgical bed, a cabinet behind it with all kinds of training supplies, a desk with an office chair and a hanger stand. He puts his white coat on the stand, then undoes his tie, putting it into his pants pocket in a really apathetic way, with most of it hanging out.

Seemingly being quite contempt with the situation, he sits down onto the office chair, facing you, and he seriously doesn’t look like he wants to be there.

As a last effort at trying to ease up the situation, you grab the glass of water that is sitting on the desk and you splash it at him, in a playful way.  Not surprisingly, this backfires, since he doesn’t seem too happy about, not in the slightest. He stands up from his desk and goes on to wipe off his shirt to make it slightly less messy, all without even muttering a word. You do feel pretty stupid for that.

With another attempt at getting his attention, you arousingly start to cut the strings off of a few upper buttons on your blouse with a surgical knife, as he turns back to you, giving him a snarky look.

“Was that really necessary? What was so important about any of this? Can we get to the damn point?” – he asks you with a loss of temper. “I might have lied about that important thing.” – you answer him not so bravely.

He's visibly frustrated at you, and with a change of demeanor, he stands up and is now closing distance between you in a rush, as you are backing up. He halts as he catches up to you, towering over you.

With both hands on your shoulders, clenching them hard, he asks you, in an almost belittling tone: “Is this what you wanted? “ “I don’t know, is it?” – you answer him in a pretty similar way.

Like the kind of tease you tend to be, you start gliding around your fingertip on his chest, which he.. seems to enjoy, and lets you do for a short while, for then to push you to the nearest wall.

IV. Lust

Fueled by lust, you immediately grab his chin and assertively start kissing him, which absolutely catches him off-guard. In reaction to the advancement on him, he forces your body onto his as he caresses your back. After this goes on for a bit, he grabs you by the thighs, lifts you up and tosses you onto the surgical table.

With your arms behind you, you’re sitting halfway up as your legs are pulled up. You lock eyes while he is still holding you by your thighs. He leans over, drags you closer and is now standing between your legs.

You clumsily unbutton Robert’s shirt, one by one. In contrast, he carelessly tears off a few more of your buttons, making the blouse slide off your shoulders, which then falls onto your lap, flustering you in the process.

He then puts a hand on your lower abdomen, which feels surprisingly soft, even though his hands are quite firm. Most notably, it’s warm. So warm in fact, you feel like you could melt into him, and you are all about that feeling. Starting from your thighs, continuing to your hips, he brushes his both his hands across all the way up to your chest in a painstakingly soft and throughout way, but at the same it’s quite the calm moment.

An intrigued nervousness starts to pile in you as he suddenly starts to unbuckle his belt, which was undoubtedly the loudest noise in the room so far. In the meantime, like the obedient girl you feel like you are, with each rattle, you can't wait to obey. As if you were a household maid, you’re more than ready to satisfy the head of the house, as if he shook a bell around.

He tosses aside his pants and boxers and you feel like you can’t catch up with your heavy heartbeats as he rests his rigid cock on your stomach. It all just feels so sudden, and it’s starting to grow on you in a pleasurable way. He goes onto removing your bra, while you’re simultaneously stroking him slowly and briefly, before he goes down on you again.

You can feel it throb against you, and it’s just as, if not hotter than his hand is, which he has below your stomach again. He needily grinds against you over and over, lifting your skirt up with it every time, and rubbing against your inner thighs.

He doesn’t wait around before removing your panties, which are drenched by this point, and neither does he wait to penetrate you, as he is inside you now.

“Maybe I did need this.. “ - you hear him talk out loud quietly.

At once, as he is slowly, but forcefully thrusting into you, you see him pulling out the tie out his pocket, which he puts around your neck now, instead of his own.

It’s tightened real well, and he’s gripping it by the base, close to your neck. In the meantime he’s constantly pulling on it upwards, as it’s digging into the back of your neck, scraping your chin against it’s band, making your head tilt backwards considerably. With every moan you make, he tightens more on it, leaving your neck all bruised up. As he is fucking you, you’re nails deep in the sheets. You can’t help yourself but feel pleasured.

As he’s starting to get rougher on you, you begin to develop second thoughts and try to resist him, but as you’re doing that, he immediately tugs you closer, rendering your attempt futile. As you look at him, he seems to be way too into this, as his eyes lose all focus and glare, and you can only watch as his control over himself fades, railing you without a care in the world. This creates even more neediness in you, as you cross your legs behind his back, clinging onto him.

You can barely even keep your eyes on him, and you’re not even resisting his pull on your neck anymore, so you fully commit into tilting you head back in joy. All this sexual fulfillment demands you to do so, as you are slipping out of control more by the second. You feel like you could finish at any time, and as he’s also getting close, he’s painfully grazing your stiff walls more and more, with your moans sounding pitifully more helpless.

Ejaculating with a quiet grunt, he blasts the majority into you, leaving two strings across all the way up your body, all for you to feel ecstatic about. You really do feel like you owned up to it with your services, as if it was his way of rewarding you. Not to forget about you, he pushes you over the edge too, as you’re desperately gripping his shoulders. No matter you could barely take a break after your climax, he leans closer over your stimulation filled shivering body, and goes for a deep passionate kiss. Not even bothered by the fact you are still desperately panting and gasping for air along with him.

V. Not So Aftercare

After standing up from the bed, he comfortably hugs you by your hips, to which you endearingly put your hands onto his. After romantically rocking you slightly around with his hug, he leaves his hands off of you to start dressing up. It’s getting quite late.

As he is about to button back his shirt, he looks at you still standing there, still looking a bit shocked from everything that happened so far. Deciding to help out, he steps besides you, getting your bra back from your bed, and putting it on you. He’s slowly buckling the back together, and you are simply just unable to look him in the eyes, since you're becoming increasingly shy in a sudden way, blushing like you never have before.

"You.. didn't have to, you know.." - you tell him in a higher pitch voice.

You really enjoy his care, it does fill you with joy. Then you reach out for your panties, but as you are pulling them up, he slides his hands under yours, taking the lead again, which surprises you even more. You are so overwhelmed with emotions at this point, you shake right into his hand as he pulls it all the way up, giving you a slight friendly chuckle, and blowing you a kiss right above the lining of your briefs, gaining him an immediate gasp from you. You're truly mesmerized by him.

He continues dressing himself, and as you calm down, you rush into his arms, facing his chest. He caresses and pets your face and head with one arm, for him to go onto groping your ass, and going down to your thighs. His hand lifts your skirt away from time to time, letting colder air in. After he finishes clothing up, he swings you to his other side and pushes you right to the desk.

“I need more of you. I need to feel you in more ways.” – he tells you with a shaky voice.

You almost even stumble, and with an utterly scared look on your face, you glance at him. Without precaution, he pushes you down onto the floor. You look down onto your legs. Your knees are together and your feet are far apart, completely side-tracking you. You even put your hands on your knees in a cute way, but as you lift your head, his cock gets into view, poking through his pants fly, which takes you aback.

Your first and immediate reaction is to press your lips all around him, kissing and licking his shaft as it pumps against your mouth. After growing tired and wanting more, he puts his thumb in your mouth, and with a few fingers latching onto your chin, he pushes downwards on your jaw. With closed eyes, you stick out your tongue, waiting for him to enter. He lets go off of his fingers from your face, following up with exactly what you expected. It feels way bigger than what you anticipated, leaving your mouth sore in the first minute, already. He’s being frantic with you, mouth fucking you without relent. You’re huffing for air as you whimper, but you aren’t getting any. You start to sob as he goes deeper down your throat. As you move your tongue in a swing like motion, from side to side, you circle the bottom of his shaft as he shoves himself in an out. You soak his cock with your saliva, blending with his precum. No matter how much of it you gulp down, It’s flowing out your mouth.

Resting his elbows and head above you on the desk, he looks down at the top of your head, as you suck him off. From the table, as he rocks you around, all kinds of documents fly off. Not that he cares, really.

Without even telling, he comes into your mouth, throbbing against your lips. You stomach it all as you look up to him, initiating eye contact, and smiling. After spewing out his cock, you grab it by the base and gently rub it off with a napkin. He pulls his zipper up, and kneels down. He parts your hair slightly and greets your forehead with a last smooch.

Looking back at you for the final time, he waves at you, winks in a mocking, yet sweet way and leaves though the door. You can only wish to meet soon in a similar fashion.

VI. Reflection

You’re at a loss of thoughts. He’s been so careful, yet so careless with you at the same time, and that’s just messing with your brain right now, so you lean your head against the desk, you close your eyes and give into the bliss once again.

Even after he left, you’re sitting in the dark, in the same position he left you in, with his tie still around your neck. You feel embarrassed, but you can’t help yourself as you take in the scent of his tie, pleasuring yourself through your clothes, while thinking about him. He has a hold on you, and you know that well.

[moonshadowmystique]

The Right Person at the Wrong Time - A Reflection on Timing and Connection

All our lives, we have heard stories that involve the right person turning up at the wrong time. This concept is jarringly alarming because it layer-peels the facade of finding the right individual in regard to love, connection, or relationship. This indicates, if explained better, that two people fitting for each other might fail to emerge when the various elements of life are against their coming together.

What does it even mean to meet the right person at the wrong time?

The Complexity in Timing

Timing is an invisible force that shapes the connections we make, often in ways of which we are barely aware. You might meet your dream person, that person who checks all the boxes or sees the world through a filter instituted by your soul. But with you not being emotionally available, probably still recovering from injuries of the past, or perhaps in the middle of some personal crisis, such connection might just not blossom. On the other hand, it could be them who is dealing with troubles at this stage, which means they cannot also be fully present.

This is extra challenging because, by nature of things, there is tension between what we feel and what reality presents. There is almost something tragic in the beauty of having found someone incredible but at the wrong time. You're forced, then, to think that love and connection are about more than logical matches, but two lives crossing at a certain point where access and readiness are aligned.

The 'What If' Paradox

That is the question that will haunt when the right person shows up at the wrong time: What if things were different? It's such a haunting thought, and then you are left to wonder how, in some other world, maybe it would have worked between the two of you. You have a vision of how this might have been the case with another chapter of your life. You could run yourself into sleepless nights with 'what ifs' and yearn for something that may never be resolved.

But harboring such questions in one's mind forever would render living in the present light of day an impossibility. It is very human to reflect on the paths not taken, but living in the country of 'what ifs' blinds you to the new opportunities staring you in the face.

Growth, Timing, and Readiness

It might be that meeting the right person at the wrong time sometimes serves a great purpose. Sometimes such experiences will teach us more about ourselves, or perhaps are a reflection of where we need to grow or what we need to let go of to be truly ready for a meaningful connection in the future. Other times, the person you meet is but a mirror reflecting the work yet to be done on yourself.

That person may remind you that deep love is deserved by you, even if at the time that is not fated to be with them. They may provide a catalyzing agent that impels you to align your life through means that serve to better prepare you in the future for a relationship be it with them or someone else.

Embracing Imperfection

One of the most painful things we may learn is that imperfection meets us around every corner in life, and love is no different. Yes, even when we think we have found that person who fits every category on our ostensibly perfect list, it's not as if the universe necessarily plays a role in ensuring that all that lines up. That's just part of the mystery—and frustration—of being human.

But perhaps, other than cruel fate, that is the profound message: love is not about everything working out perfectly. It means the understanding that connections, no matter the depth, sometimes do not come out with fairy tales. It is about embracing the will-o'-the-wisps, beautiful moments for what they are and not necessarily needing them to last.

Moving Forward with Ease

So, what happens when you are in this situation? There isn't some simple answer to this proposition, nor is a one-size-fits-all solution for anything. Some can hold onto the hope that one day, in the future, the timing shall be right and the stars align. While others let go, realizing that even while a connection was powerful, yet it simply wasn't meant to be a permanent fixture in our lives.

Both are correct. The key is to move with elegance. Life, with all the moments of its unpredictability, is a journey that's really full of twists and turns. That person at the wrong time could have been one chapter in your story, but it need not define the whole narrative. Every experience in life adds to your growth, even the bittersweet ones.

Ultimately, the concept of meeting the right person at the wrong time invites us to consider what love, timing, and self-awareness are all about. It reminds us that not everything is about chemistry but about being prepared—about two people meeting at the crossroads of their journeys in life, ready to take that step together. And sometimes, such journeys are meant to meet only briefly, leaving an indelible mark but no permanent union. In those moments, we can only respectfully acknowledge the bond for what it was and know that each interaction—every human contact—is a part of our development and continues to shape us into who we are and who we will become.

[oatlystrawberryicecream]

the way that some people talk about jason and batman and the joker is so jarring to me because it relies on some unspoken assumptions that i will never buy into

1. the assumption that taking a life inevitably always makes the person who did it worse. killing someone isn’t always this earth shattering thing that harms the person who does it and fundamentally changes their outlook on things. i guess if you have never met a veteran or someone who survived an armed robbery or any number of other things you might make that mistake, but like some of the people who fought in wwii came home and were normal members of the community and the times that their bullets hit the mark were not necessarily the parts of the war that kept them up at night. these assumptions that once you kill you are wicked and have to feel bad and do this whole show of repentance are insidious. if you are gonna look at all this through the lens of christian morality you should at least be aware that that is what you are doing but you cant have just one character be wicked and unclean because of his actions when the bible says that everyone is wicked and unclean by our nature and all sins are equal. a lot of people object to that view but if thats how you see it batman and jason and the joker are all sinners and are all as bad as each other so at least be consistant about how you apply that moral framework.

2. the assumption that being robin or being taken in and trained by bruce means full agreement with and acceptance of every part of bruce’s personal philosophy on justice and morality. jason was a homeless child and even if all this was explicitly laid out for him he could not have agreed since he needed bruce as a matter of survival. bruce’s ideology is extremely important to him and he can teach it to his children all he wants but they are not beholden to it above all else the way he thinks they should be. jason has to live according to his own beliefs regardless of how unacceptable bruce finds it and it is unfair and hypocritical of bruce to get bent out of shape about it.

3. the assumption that killing is always bad. maybe i have listened to too many episodes of behind the bastards but some people will do significant and appalling damage to others no matter what unless they are dead. those people can’t be allowed to keep causing harm. it isn’t glorious and there is no honor about it but it is right and just that they be stopped. there is no reason to strive for purity or ideological high ground when you can provide a measure of safety and justice to victims and prevent future harm instead.

4. the assumption that bruce didn’t have to answer to jason. parents have a duty to their children and it is my opinion that that duty does not end when the child dies. bruce adopted jason and made himself responsible and accountable for everything that happened to jason under his care. that responsibility was ignored over many instances. i am not going to detail the things that led to jason’s death here but it was not good or effective parenting. after jason’s death the disrespect starts pretty immediately with bruce compromising evidence of his murder in order to preserve his ability to continue as batman and continues with bruce getting rid of pretty much all traces of jason’s presence in his life. he is only spoken of as a mistake, a lost cause, or a cautionary tale and is assigned blame for his own death, a death that batman never bothered to fully investigate since he was buried next to the woman who led him into the trap. a new kid is endangered and the joker and batman both continue doing whatever they want as if jason’s life only matters for the way it affects them. bruce needs to answer for all of this, as his son jason has a right to expect more from his father. now the extent to which that extends can be debated but it is clear to me that jason deserved better from bruce.

conclusion: killing is accepted in society in certain circumstances, you may or may not agree with this but self defense laws and even things like jury nullification exist because people knew there should be some wiggle room since no one could have the full context of every situation that would ever arise. ending a life is not normal or ideal but it is not an unfathomably rare experience and it does not always weigh on the person who does it. bruce has never to my knowledge killed someone so he has no idea how he would actually respond but that still isn’t even what jason was asking him to do. all he had to do was be present and not move and he would have been the only parental figure who didn’t let jason down.

[moonastro]

the vibe you give out to others

pick a picture

left to right(top)-> 1,2

left to right(bottom)-> 3,4

°DO NOT take this as literal, take everything with a grain of salt as this is purely and intendedly for entertainment purposes. °Don't be afraid to give feedback and opinions about this post (as i would entirely appreciate it). ° This is a GENERAL reading, take what resonates and leave and pass on what does not!

PILE ONE

someone who can communicate hours on end with someone, usually about the deeper stuff. so you may like to share your thoughts a lot which leaves people guessing that you would be a very good person to talk to. you also are good with reading the vibes of a room, people almost expect you to change the atmosphere of the vibe within a group. you really are someone who solves problems, situation ships and other things people may need assistance with. i feel like you help others grow, you teach people from wrong or right and perform humanitarian acts. if you are in a bad situation, you get the heck out of there as soon as possible, people know that because you may express your thoughts and feeling through communication. i feel like you talk about the little things to others that they might even find that you can be oversharing at times. anyhow, you may look back on what people did you in the past or vice versa. you don't hold onto a thread, you make very clear decisions that take you wherever it may.

yeah, you learn from your mistakes and only go forward which makes you a stronger individual. there is still some youthful energy surrounding this pile, so don't forget to not be hard on yourself all the time, you give out but not necessarily get given back which allows people to use your time unnecessarily. people can also see a child in you, you may get told that you remind someone of their son or daughter. being behind the scenes is what you are used to and may project a certain insecurity that others notice. i feel like its that others see their own insecurities in you as well which may cause jealousy. you are careful though, you plan, you observe and you double check. there is nothing wrong with being in routine but i feel like people notice that you are too afraid of failure because you might have grew up to be the high achieving kid or the oldest child who had influence on the younger siblings and so forth. overall a very sensual and hardworking pile.

assigned song: Black beauty- Lana Del Rey

PILE TWO

very energetic around people or friends and family but think a lot by yourself, you may keep your true self hidden. you are such a good manifester and people notice that whatever you say out loud becomes real. people may call you a psychic because you just know things before others do, for example if a friend asks about something like an event and you just tell them like "watch this happen in there" and something like this and it happening. you are quite reserved with your feeling and emotions, you use them on better things. around you, others feel confident and secure. you are a very good empath and feel whatever others are feeling, so it is very easy to empress ones feelings to you. you are such a caring and observing individual that others feel nothing but security and comfort around you. honestly such a nostalgic pile!!

you crave a free life where you are not stuck to anything or anyone, people feel the freedom you possess. you don't aim to be powerful nor business oriented, you just want to see what's out there and see what other cultures and countries have in store for you. i feel like you have a plan that you have that consists of you travelling abroad and creating a happy home there at a new setting. you are good with legal matters like documents, credit cards, the law and so forth. you may know about it as you may be interesting in becoming a lawyer or working somewhere that involves a law, like police and so on. but on a real note, you balance everything out in your life, people see how well you split your routine in even pieces. overall, this is a very free spirited and intelligent pile!

assigned song: Ride- Lana Del Rey

PILE THREE

someone who reserves there space and energy, someone who talks very cautiously and are aware of their surroundings. a lot of people don't actually know how to figure you out and it may sound very cliché but i think its just because you don't reveal your feelings by making facial expressions and people don't know whether to laugh or cry when you tell them something serious. you might like to do stuff alone and may feel like a burden to others but it is not the case for other people, they see you as a sweet and isolated human being that likes their space and peace. i see a LOTTT of overthinking and just daydreaming in general. i feel like something is restricting you from taking action and i think it is your thoughts, relax pile 3😅. no but for real, others avoid you not because you are unlikable but because they see how you thrive alone and you don't look like the type of person that needs help from others.

you may have moved a lot as a child and felt like you lost many things because of that. i feel like you don't feel secure and people notice the disease you portray in your body language. that is totally not a bad thing but i feel like others see the frustration and a void that you have, this is very deep but I'm getting an image of just a black figure which may translate of you feeling numb or not feeling anything at all. i feel like this was in the past for some of you, however where there is hardships there is hope and that is exactly the case for this pile. on a good note, your smile brings comfort to others, may make others happy with your smile and that's just so sweet. you do have many ideas flooding in your mind and i feel like that could bring you excesses so be careful. you have many ideas to start over or to change your personality completely. overall, this is a very reserved and a busy mind pile!

assigned song: How to Disappear- Lana Del Rey

PILE FOUR

check out pile one if you felt drawn to it as it may resonate with some of you!! so, you care about others very deeply and this gives me motherly vibes. i feel like you may not listen to people and do your own thing but that's entirely okay but the way i see it is that you sometimes need to take advice in order to move forward. you stand your ground fairly and see the contrast between right and wrong, i feel like that gets people thinking how you pick up on things others don't pay much attention to. say if you called someone out for something, others may go like "oh yeah, i didn't even notice". you really cant be bothered to argue with no one, you feel like there is no point because people are childish and immature and that is something you would rather pass on. conflicts and any other sort of fighting is a strict no go for you. people get the vibe of how can you keep your cool??? they actually are very impressed of your skill to maintain your cool😊. i feel like also you go through very transformative periods in your life that actually change your way you act, maybe you go through different eras and like to experiment different styles and ways of living which is totally fine.

wow, you are a very powerful soul, you have some sort of power that others are stunned. you are literally the lion of the jungle, the boss, the CEO, the millionaire, the royal. WOwww just wow. people just keep getting surprise on surprise from you, you may have so many precious hidden facts about you that make people stunned by the fact that you have so much treasure hidden. people see you as a very humble individual who is always there for people and see the good in everyone. it is such a pleasure to be around you, people may feel almost lucky to have you in their life. you hold a lot of secrets as you may stand with he statement that if you talk about your achievements to others it may delay your success. overall, a very very very powerful and mysterious pile.

assigned song: LION- (G)-idle

that's it everyone, thanks for sticking by and like always don't be afraid to interact with this post however you'd like as i entire appreciate everyone's support and kindness!!

FRIENDLY REMINDER- paid tarot readings are available (DM or check out here for more info!!)

*IMAGES ARE NOT MINE*

[live-laugh-legolas]

Hi! For a request could you do The Fellowship as parents? Like reader has a kid with them what would they be like? Have a great day!

Cute! This has just been sitting in my drafts

The fellowship as parents

Aragorn:

-This might be controversial

-Because ik we know Aragorn is daddy (hehe)

-But

-He’s not the best father of those on this list

-He’s a great dad don’t get me wrong

-He’s very patient and guiding

-But he’s also not the uttermost hands on

-He wasn’t raised like that

-He kind of lets his kids figure stuff out on their own while supporting them and making sure they don’t die

-Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all; just compared to the others I’d rank him lower

Legolas:

-I have a hard time picturing him as a dad; more like a cool uncle

-But he would be the dad that’s kinda on the same level as the kids

-I think elves are kind of feral growing up so his parenting reflects that

-Yes they are elegant and poised; he is a prince so his kids need to know manners

-But he will join them in eating things they shouldn’t

-Climbing places probably not good for a child to be

-I don’t get the vibes that he particularly dreams of being a father; but he would take on the job to the best of his ability should it happen

Gimli:

-Father of the year right here

-I just think dwarves are generally good parents and if we consider his father; well let’s just say he’s got a good relationship

-Won’t stop talking about his children

-Will go to all the tea parties and talk to the plushies

-Yes he is wearing a tiara; obviously

-A goofy dad; no problem embarrassing his children for his own entertainment and to keep their egos in check

Boromir:

-A very good father

-He doesn’t take after his father; and instead treats his kids kinda how he treats Faramir

-Literally the most love and pride

-Please give this man a daughter

-He would spoil the shit out of his little princess

-He would also be sooo excited to be an uncle

Frodo:

-Another one I can’t picture as a father; but he would take a kid under his wing

-Let’s kids tag along with him for anything

-Talks to them the same way he would anyone; which makes the kids think he is the coolest

-Like he doesn’t coddle anyone and is very honest (with maybe a bit of cheek)

-He kind of co-parents with all his friends

Sam:

-Another top tier dad right here

-It’s always been his dream to have kids (a lot of kids)

-I’ve been living for the bunny comics made by @rutobuka2 and Sam literally embodies a bunny in the sense of family size

(I’m a definitely more a LOTR person than Hobbit but damn it if this isn’t some of the cutest art I’ve ever seen)

-Anyway; I’ll stop fangirling and get back to the hc’s

-He is super gentle with his kids; but also is very good about discipline

-Definitely teaches his kids to take care of their mom

Merry:

-Super involved with everything

-Gets his kids whatever they want but they do have to work for it; more like rewards and gifts

-Loves to build things for his kids; like a treehouse or wooden boats

-Takes his kids on rides and fishing trips

-Makes sure they know basic life skills

Pippin:

-He’s a fantastic dad

-I feel very repetitive in saying that but it’s true; the fellowship of good dads

-So engaged with his kids

-Will go above and beyond in their games

-Takes dress up very seriously

-I imagine him also being very scheduled with bed time

-He probably riles his kids up before bed with silly bedtime games (which is what my dad did)

-Seems counter productive but it made me excited to go to bed so I never really fought it; genius

Gandalf:

-Grandpa energy

-But chaotic

-We know he is good with kids; or at least that kids love him

-Can keep anyone entertained

-You can trust him to babysit

-This is in moderation though

-He will grow tired and want a break so he will dump them on someone else for a bit

[ender-cloud]

HYDE IS IN THIS UPDATE!!! AND LANYON MY KINGS

Tgs spoilers under cut

Haha, you guys remember that one off comment i made last week

Ha ha ha……. Oh god, I’ll get to that when I get to it. Lets start with more of Jaspers good points and leadership skills first

Jasper makes a great point here.

The Lodgers are the society! They make the magic, the energy, the environment, Jekyll is just the ring leader of it all making sure things don’t get to out of hand, but in the end he had started to have a hard time being able to find that control and keep them in check.

This is why a type of “revolution” like this will do more good then harm in this situation because it will allow Jasper to take Jekylls place of keeping everyone together as the times turn and they need to protect themselves.

But uh… maybe the lodgers might not see this as I do

Ok ok, I get the Lodgers hesitants, Fritz brought to my attention that because Jasper is the newest lodger, despite everything they probably dont have enough trust in him.

Which I definitely get, they are in hard times right now and its hard to trust Jasper, even if they’ve known him for a while they were just betrayed by someone they’ve known for years, how can they trust someone they’ve known for a little over a month (I think)

Also theres a reason why I said that one off comment, not only because it was a trope I see a lot, but because I truly felt like it was a possibility

BUTTTT!! With this it doesn’t necessarily mean that they wont 100% not follow through with what Jasper is saying.

It is clear that they are unsure, yes, but they may need to think it over, and theres got to be a few lodgers who agree with his points.

Some who agree with Jasper that may help the other Lodgers get on board to. If they are truly Reluctant to Jasper leading them because they haven’t known him for long, if some people who they have been living with for years joining up may give them the boost to join.

Jasper made many great points in his speech, and with so many people not everyone could have disagreed with what he said.

I believe this moment of doubt will be just that, a moment, but once other people start agreeing and maybe adding their own points, then it will grow into what Jasper wanted before, the lodgers believing him and letting him lead them in this hard time

It will be the next part of this turning point into someone more confident for Jasper, because while motivating the lodgers with words might be easy, actually forming a plan and leading them through it will be harder, it will also teach him to not give up quickly when things look bad.

Hyde’s just casually acting like he didn’t just have a mental breakdown and immediately just teases Lanyon (I love them so much chat it’s unreal)

ALSO THIS CONFIRMS THAT HYDES MENTAL BREAKDOWN WAS HAPPENING THE SAME TIME AS JASPERS SPEACH!!!

Anyway, back to the actual pannel.

I find it interesting how in Hydes head, he also has a reputation to keep up, its not just Jekyll. The only difference is that hyde has his tough guy, bad boy rep (I hate myself for saying that) He cant let anyone see his weakness, not even Jekyll.

He clearly has mentally trained himself to be able to just change his mood on a switch, but even if he can change how he acts his face has to show some evidence of what happened, i mean we’ve seen him be a little bloody from the glass and Lanyon must have seen that too.

He might be talking about what Hyde looks like when he said he made quite a mess out of himself, not only the glass, which might make Hyde nervous, i feel like he wont be able to keep his facade up for long with how he was acting before.

It’s a little hard delve into the few words they exchanged but im excited for the next update, which may include some blaming of what happened to Jekyll.

(Also more Lanyon and Hyde which I’ll take anyday 🙏🙏)

Happy Holidays Btw!! I hope you have a great Christmas or anything you may celebrate!!

[toskarin]

how did you get started making music, tools-wise?

I've talked about this a bit before and I don't necessarily recommend doing this, so skip the following two paragraphs and go right to the one under the break if you actually want the method I recommend

I lied to a girl I liked from my school and told her that, because I could play guitar I could also play piano, so I could teach her to play piano. both of these statements were lies.

I had to panic and learn both guitar and piano one week ahead of the lessons I was giving her as an excuse to hang out. so I self-taught in a haze of panic and "maybe she'll like me" (she did not) (but she kind of did) (but she was bicurious) (but she was wishy-washy on if she wanted to get together and her parents didn't like me) (and her parents were homophobic) (I think she might have texted me at one point years down the line to tell me she had a girlfriend but it was after I deleted our text history and I'm chronically unable to remember to put people's names into my contacts so who knows)

but that's all an aside. that's a bad method.

anyway if you want to start making music in earnest, doing what I did when I got serious about making songs instead of trying to impress girls whose parents wanted to destroy me with their minds here's a better answer

go acquire FL Studio. it's apparently really easy to do this because people have been acquiring it for years, or so I've heard. FL is good for learning because you've got 20 years worth of free tutorials available to you on youtube to dig through and plenty of stock vsts to play with out of the box

FL Studio is, realistically, the only tool you actually need to start making music. you could get away with less, but it's what I used, and as long as you don't pick up Specific Bad Habits, your experience with it will transfer to other DAWs if you decide to switch it later

that's all, really

if you go this route, the golden rule I'm going to impart on you right now is that you need to have a limiter on your songs. the default FL studio song templates have one, so you should keep it until you know enough to know why you might adjust something like that

it doesn't matter if it sounds fine in the editor without a limiter. everyone thinks it's not a big deal at the time, but as you get more experienced, there's literally nothing short of getting in legal trouble that you'll regret more than realising that your old work is almost entirely unsalvageable because you didn't put a limiter on it and now half of the audio is just lost data to clipping

I'm gonna put a few more recommendations for things I've used, just so you can consider them if you need something else to chew on. everything past this point is entirely optional and you'll do just fine with FL Studio alone. in fact, probably don't worry about everything below the line

-=-

items marked with [F] are free.

DIGITAL AUDIO WORKSTATIONS THAT AREN'T FL

for tracker-based editing and chiptunes, use Renoise. you'll either love or hate trackers, and while they have a steeper learning curve than piano roll DAWs, they might come more naturally to you. I personally think that Renoise is a lot of fun to use. it kinda has an "addictive" quality to it, as funny as that is to say

for quickly sketching songs, use [F]Jummbox. it's an html workstation (multiplatform!) that writes your sketches to a url, meaning it's pretty easy to collaborate on musical sketches. Jummbox is good for making chiptune style instrumentals, but what makes it especially accessible is the fact that it works on a piano roll system, which will be familiar to you if you're working in FL

for writing sheet music, I recommend starting with [F]Musescore. I'll warn you right now that there aren't really any good notation editors and you're making lesser-of-evils decisions when you pick any of them, but it's probably the best compromise out there right now. it's the one I use when I need to hand something to a physical musician. you can also export pieces as midi, although there's better ways to do that lol

-

VSTs

if you can acquire Pianoteq, do that. if you feel uncomfortable with acquiring it, [F]Keyzone Classic is free and can sound pretty nice with a bit of work, but you really have to learn to work with it

if your workstation can handle it performance-wise, go pick up [F]Vital - Spectral Warping Wavetable Synth. there's tons of free presets for this out there and it sounds good. cool synth. Serum: Advanced Wavetable Synthesizer is also good and has plenty of presets, but it's on the pricy side, so consider how comfortable you are with [finding a friend to buy it for you]

[F]Decent Sampler doesn't do much out of the box, because it's just a tool for playing sample banks, but if you go to [F]Pianobook, you can find tons of weird and fun sample packs of just about everything you can imagine. sounds derived from folk instruments, industrial equipment, lego sets, stylophones, choirs, whatever. incredibly useful.

Valhalla VintageVerb. this is the reverb plugin. you want this one. [F]Valhalla Super Massive is also good but it's more focused on alien-sounding reverb effects and enormous spaces, so it's kind of got a niche use case and you should be a little careful with it

if you've heard a lo-fi hip hop song on youtube, it probably used [F]iZotope Vinyl. this one can save you a lot of time if you're going for that sound because it comes with all the little vinyl flourishes outside of compression (like dust crackling) that you'd otherwise have to add yourself

[F]Genny VST is advertised as giving a genesis/megadrive sound, but what actually makes it shine is that it's an actual synth emulating the YM2612 and SN76489 sound chips. this means you can create your own sounds that work within those specs, which is a lot of fun! definitely beats just using samples, if you ask me

-

HARSH VSTS THAT I PERSONALLY LIKE BUT WHICH ALSO MIGHT !!HURT!! YOU. SO BE VERY CAREFUL USING THESE.

[F]Tritik Krush is a bitcrushing plugin. it does a good job of bitcrushing and downsampling. I use it a lot in my songs, but you've really gotta know how to keep this one under control, because it's fully capable of making painful sounds on accident and can completely devour your mix

[F]FSA Latcher is a gorgeous noisebox. it screams in horrible ways and makes dying machine noises in various colours. this is the musical equivalent of working with radioactive material, so be extremely careful using this in anything you don't want to hurt the listener's ears

girlfriend just told me I have to recommend [F]Noise Engineering Ruina to you if I'm making a category with this heading. I don't personally use it, but she likes it (she's better at music than I am) and it's free, so you should go pick it up. "it annihilates sounds very deliciously" (maybe I should use it)

-

hope that helps a bit!

[aussiexlovexaffair]

.·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙ Roommate!Mikey Headcanons ̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ .

- michael, being older, didn't necessarily need a roommate

- but he felt like it might be a bit more enjoyable to live with someone else, especially in a foreign city like london, where he was relocated for the label

- but everyone in the band already had someone staying with them and he wasn't famous enough yet to the point where living with a stranger was off-limits

- so he started hunting for one

- it took about a week of searching until he stumbled across someone on tumblr who'd been talking about needing a roommate in the area of london he needed

- that person was you

- at that point, he felt like he had no luck elsewhere, so he immediately messaged the blog and when he got an answer, he was relieved to find the spot hadn't been filled.

- but he didn't know who he was rooming with, and knowing this wouldn't be smart, he scrolled through your tumblr

- "shit, she's hot.." he muttered to himself as he clicked on some of the photos to enlarge them.

- he had not a doubt in his mind he was making the right decision in moving in.

- you, of course, didn't exactly put all your faith into a random tumblr user called "cliffoconda"

- so you set up a meeting at a shopping center

- he suggested you meet outside the CEX, a game store on the second floor

- "how will i know who you are?" "look for the highlighter hair." "...huh?" - when you arrived at the store, awkwardly staring down at your phone as you tried to act busy, you immediately spotted the red hair.

- so that's what he meant. - fighting embarrassment in front of so many people, who had much better things to do than watch you, you stepped in front of the boy and introduced yourself.

- "hi, are you michael?... i'm y/n!" "yeah, it's nice to meet you!..."

- he had a cheeky smile and a playful air to him which you didn't anticipate based on his appearance, and after a bit of perusing around the shop and listening to him talk about his hobbies and himself and why he was searching for an apartment, you were settled on the idea that Michael would be your new roommate.

.·:·.✧ Living with him! ✧.·:·.

- he's not the cleanest guy

- he tries for sure, but it bugs you a great deal

- you were kinda introverted to begin with, so when it turned out that he didn't like going outside and didn't enjoy too much socializing either, it was a sweet relief

- your electricity bill is through the roof, though

- he teaches you how to play all of his favorite games and expects you to do the same— it's how he bonds

- he's an extroverted introvert, though!

- he screams. he shouts. he yells.

- everything is dramatic, but hey, that makes for a pretty good gossip partner.

- "so my friend broke up with her boyfriend today and not even two hours after— she posted THIS with his BROTHER." "oh my fucking god, wait lemme see..."

- and he's got a surprisingly great memory, so he'll bring up the past drama you told him about when that same person is mentioned again

- he's guilty of bringing people home— especially fans, i fear

- but you and him have this deal between each other that if the other person is being obnoxiously loud or disrupting something important, you can humiliate them

- you were being kept up with the sound of his headboard banging against the wall and the obnoxious noises of some girl he took home only to relieve stress when you finally broke. "michael, how's the wart on your ass doing?! has the doctor fixed it yet?!" the sound of silence fell immediately over the apartment until you heard him chuckling as he shouted back, "it's doin' better! doc says it should be gone by february!" and you know for a fact that girl is completely uninterested now.

- that's not to say that he doesn't do the same for you.

- in the middle of your alone time with your partner, you both were interrupted by the sound of very loud— very fake moans from his room. "y/n! Y/N! Oh my god!—" "We get it!!"

- he's suggested getting a pet but you both can't keep an animal alive

- so he gets a furby named Blue

- he's very serious about it.

- "y/n, did you feed him today?" "uhm.. i think so!" "you think— what do you mean, 'you think?' are you trying to starve our son?!"

- he brings the boys over all the time but is super respectful about when you need alone time to study or work

- he also makes sure to buy you snacks and drinks as a way to repay you for all the inappropriate jokes you'll overhear

- "sorry you had to see calum dry-humping me, that wasn't very cool." "i don't even like this flavor." "i don't like calum pretending to fuck me, but he did. take the candy." "ooookay." (inspired by calum being a freak on the twitcams)

- he's very sweet though

- he's very lazy too

- he hates the idea of chores, but bribing him with a new game, stealing his guitar, or even holding Blue hostage will give him motivation.

- "woah, woah, woah, put the furby down and no one gets hurt!" "do the dishes." "but—" "do... the dishes." "you monster..." "you think i wanna hurt my son? you made me do this."

- the neighbors think you guys are married with kids.

- he's got a touchy habit.

- if you're on the couch, so is he and he's laying on you.

- you're bending over to grab something off the floor? he's smacked your ass.

- he's not safe either, though. you cuddle him while he plays video games or when he's playing guitar

- it isn't until one day when you're comforting him after he's having a low day, rubbing his back on the bathroom floor as he just cries, his depression affecting him more than normal, when he makes the call to ash saying that he can't imagine spending his life with anyone else but you.

[bao3bei4]

ON THE TSHIRT METHOD TO WRITING ESSAYS IN YOUR OWN TIME: 

i have had a couple people mention to me that they would like to write essays too, but they are a little out of practice. so i thought i should gather some scattered thoughts into one place. this is not a systematic guide. i am young and inexperienced and still working out things for myself, but this is my basic process and some things that have helped me, summarized. 

my biggest single piece of advice is to write with your proverbial pussy. you are not writing for a grade so don't act like it. forget rigor, forget academic style, etc. read what you're interested in, and write following up on the threads that you're interested in. don’t sweat the details. just do you.

if you still need more advice..... here’s a long winded post. 

step zero: if you have no clue what you want to say yet 

read. and read a lot.

but be realistic. be kind to yourself. your attention is a precious resource, and it is getting eaten up by shit out of your control all the time. if you’ve had a busy day, you may still have the brain power left to read. i almost never do. lol. so make sure to carve out time on a day off, if possible. otherwise you might end up completely fried, reading the same sentence over and over, and ending up scrolling on your phone LMAO. <-- painful lesson also to this end, if you haven’t picked up a denser book in a while, start with shorter articles, especially ones written more recently. if your attention wanders, try getting a physical book instead. the most important thing is just starting things you’ll actually read.  i’ve seen a lot of people (and been that person) who was like. “oh i’m going to start with THE canonical text in a subject i’m interested in” which makes sense right? but that book is inevitably long and dense and convoluted and boring. you can come back to it later. this shouldn’t feel like a chore! 

genuinely this is the most helpful thing you can do is just. read anything. it may be difficult at first (or always), but it is still the easiest way to engage with the foremost experts from around the world and the entirety of written history on any subject you are interested in. there’s not really a substitute to this. 

note: you may say that people can and do come up with brilliant ideas independently of their access to written works. this is true! but if you are one of them, you should skip this section/post, because you already know what you want to say.  okay that was a little too facetious. let me revise: when i say that, without reading, it will be hard to come up with more complex ideas than what you have now, that isn’t necessarily pejorative. maybe your current ideas and impulses are original and meaningful and complex. if they aren’t, however, you don’t have to resign yourself to it.  your experiences in real life are the most valuable thing you can bring to the table, but it can be very difficult to articulate and contextualize them without community—whether that be irl, or the simple textual company of other writers. you can let other people help you and teach you.  basically, this is a long winded way of saying something extremely simple: reading is not the only way to gain knowledge, or even the best. but it is an extremely consistent and relatively egalitarian way.** **scihub and libgen and sometimes the public library are your friends. (my local library’s book coverage is spotty) who cares about piracy. LMAO. 

you may surprise yourself by how nicely you fall into little spirals. you read one thing. and you are enamored with the way the author approaches their subject. so you end up reading everything else they’ve written, and then you start on the authors they list that inspire them in their interviews. maybe you just read one article that’s a little dry but it cites something else that seems far more interesting. read that next. and so on. 

if you are struggling to read that’s okay. you have options. start a book club (or just get a friend who also wants to read more). if that sounds like too much work, pick a friend to keep updated on all your new facts. you just want to get used to reading something, and telling someone your favorite parts again. skim books. skip the boring parts. drop them entirely and find a more interesting one. no one’s going to quiz you. this is for your own enjoyment. 

also important here: read books that make you want to write. sometimes this is because the methods and/or prose of the author are so exciting, you want to do something just like that. sometimes it’s because the content is so exciting, you want to say something about that too. sometimes they speak so powerfully to your own life, you want to tell people this is me!! i see this!! there are books i just enjoy reading, sure, and i do read them. but you know how, like, a good movie makes you want to tell stories too? good theory should do that too, in my opinion. 

step one: you have some ideas now. 

these ideas don’t have to be set in stone. but you should have an idea now of what you might talk about. personally, for me, i have two interconnected types of essay ideas. 

interventions. this is like [tumblr voice] Why Is Nobody Talking About This. i see some sort of hole. maybe i know how to fill it, maybe i don’t. 

free associations. basically i read one thing, or some analysis of one thing. and then it reminded me of another thing. and i’m like. i want to tease apart their connections, their similarities, and their differences. 

there are more types of ideas, i’m sure. but these are the ones i consistently have. with me, the second kind is more common. very rarely do i find that my thoughts are that original. rather, i’ve found that one of my strengths as a writer is being able to make connections that other people haven’t made, or haven’t made in depth before. IN MY OPINION. 

so i find it quite flexible. maybe i watch a movie, and it reminds me of my own life, because i think two women in the movie could be sad queer freaks. and i’m a sad queer freak. or it could be that i think scum villain could be analyzed through the framework of freudian psychoanalysis. you get the idea. 

at this stage of the process, i don’t have a thesis, necessarily. but i have a couple phrases i’m drawn to. i have a bullet point or two. i have vibes. 

to use an example from this blog, one of my friends hui once mentioned that that one fan image was going around again. we were going ughhh it’s victorian not chinese! together and they said “you should write a meta on it.” i wasn’t sure quite yet what i had to say. but i knew a couple things. 

this is, incidentally, because i had done some research into chinoiserie before, because i had cited the zuroski book for a paper i had to write for an english class some years before on pride and prejudice and its use of descriptions of material culture, an essay that in turn was inspired by my random yet deeply felt conviction that jane austen hated me personally and wanted to kill me.  this is why i encourage reading a lot. i think. 

to work on this stage, make lists. lots of them. i have a .txt file where i keep every essay idea i have. a lot of them are a sentence. or they're lists of books or theorists i think i could make something out of. or they're theses that feel true, but i’m not sure why yet. 

it took me a while to get to this point. just like with writing fic, there was a period when i first started where i was like. i only have one idea. i’m going to write it, and then i’m never going to write again. and then i had just one more idea. after a while. eventually you will find you have so many ideas and the world is full of possibilities. it’s a muscle you have to flex. like reading. and telling people about what you’re reading. 

actually, i feel like there was a step 0.5 here that i completely skipped. 

step zero point five that i skipped: how to generate ideas

my very truly complete “first time writing something semi-academic that was original” (with a loose definition of the word original) was literally just me reading literary criticism of one book, and saying “i think this author’s thoughts can be applied to this other book” and found some textual evidence that supported that the process could be replicated. 

this is like, writing with training wheels on. eventually i got better at it (see aforementioned chinoiserie essay. i hope you agree.). but that was a good place to start for me. it made the proverbial blank page less intimidating, knowing i had a scaffolding. 

i suggest trying this. see how it goes for you. read around until you find some piece of criticism, or just some theory about how something works, that you like. and using your newfound hammer, go look for some nails. 

note: i know this expression is meant to like. be a negative thing. but you do have to start somewhere. it’s okay if it sucks. it’s just for your practice and your enjoyment. 

be cautious of stances. weak writing (in my OPINIONNNN) tries to unilaterally defend or condemn a behavior. what you need to do is treat your writing as a bit. and then you need to run with it. you need to take it farther than what is reasonable. if this bit is truly actually deeply true, then what does it mean about yourself? it’s like using a new set of pronouns as a joke or something. you know what i mean? (that was an example of what i’m trying to communicate here)

what else is key to look out for... look for oppositional pairs or tensions. look for perverse incentives and vicious circles. look for embarrassing ideas. that is, what would be extremely embarrassing if it was true? (or to admit that it was true) you may go—tshirt, here you’re just describing things that are sexy. yes, exactly, that’s the point. you want things that thrill. 

just keep reading and making notes until everything echoes with something else. now you’re ready for step two. 

step two: refine your ideas further. 

let me do this by demonstration. once more extending my earlier example of my chinoiserie essay, i knew that i really wanted to take zuroski’s points and basically... steal them. this is called “citation,” i guess. but i thought the following insights were useful to me: 

british women were invested in chinese material objects 

they incorporated them into their own subjectivity

past a certain point, they no longer “consumed” these signifiers, but these signifers became theirs 

critique of one was able to stand in for critique of the other

and from being on fandom twitter, i already had the following insights: 

people deliberately blurred the lines between china and england when it came to fans and tea

people also liked talking about victorian modesty when it came to china 

so it seemed like victorian england and china had a privileged relationship, in a lot of people’s minds in fandom. 

so it didn’t really seem a stretch to say... how can we look at one history, and apply it to our present? 

it was a bit of the combo of the two: i saw something i didn’t see people were talking about, and it reminded me of something else i’d read before. 

something that helps me a lot is tweeting about my essay ideas. if you have me on my private account, you already know this. it forces me to explain myself to someone who doesn’t know what i’m talking about in a very succinct way. oftentimes, i tweet something out while i’m brainstorming, and then i steal the phrasing back into my essay. see? tweets can be writing too. 

this is microdosing on step zero’s “read something and practice telling a friend about it.” now you’re writing something and telling a friend about it. 

step three: okay now you can like. open a google doc 

make an outline. i know i know i know. i’m sorry. you can start just barfing thoughts if you want, but eventually everything that was on the top of your head will be out. and now you can start thinking about structure. the reason the outline is important is because it makes clear the logical progression from one idea to the next. 

i know i usually bounce around in my writing (a tendency which has been magnified here because this is so casual LMAO), but i always want to make sure that my points are substantiated. if we want to talk about how a causes b, we should prove a, we should prove the causal link, and only then can we infer b, for instance. it doesn’t really matter what order that happens in (or even that we set about it that way), but the more complicated your idea is, the longer checklist you need. it’s just a checklist. that’s all. 

as you start writing, you’ll probably need to read some more. you’re going to want to say something you think is true, but you’re going to realize that you haven’t proved it (or you can’t). go look to see if someone else has proved it. 

maybe you’re right. add that evidence in. maybe you’re wrong. now your essay has a new direction. there is a living thing beneath you. actually, on that idea— 

i tend to structure my outlines (if i’m not sure yet what my point is) by pasting a bunch of quotes in a document, and reorganizing them until they make sense, they seem to flow. and then i start explaining why, until i realized i have begun to walk off in a new direction. always embrace that new direction. eventually you will find that you have not been taking twists and turns, but actually you were dizzily walking along a straight path. (unless you have been unfocused and you are trying to say too many things at once. ask a friend to read your essay if you’re not sure which is the case.) 

quotes are the smallest unit of your analysis. work with evidence. or, at least, i do. it makes writing an essay like solving a mystery. the idea of just spontaneously generating something new fills me with terror. rather, i want to autopsy something, trace its steps, and then discover how it came to be dead. this may not be true for you. but it’s true for meeeee and this is my post. 

tl;dr

0. read something and tell someone about it/post it out

0.5. come up with a bit and run with it

1. think "why is no one talking about this" or start free associating

2. come up with weird connections and tell someone about it/post it out

3. collect all of your posts and ideas into a gdoc and organize them.

anyway i like reading posts like this because i’m incredibly nosy. so i tried to write out the sort of thing i like to read from other people. i don’t suggest you actually try to replicate it (if anyone would even want to.) practically basically i just encourage you to try any single part of this that you think was interesting or relatable or helpful. personally, i suggest reading a book and posting your favorite lines from it. if you do this a couple times, i think you will find the seeds of an essay waiting for you in your own posts. 

[luffyvace]

Aizawa crush headcanons

”aizawa crush headcanons, but like make him realize he’s in love with you at the end, so that like, he can do something about it or he can’t ignore it”

asked by a good friend of mine irl. she didn’t mention gender so i’m going with afab since i haven’t written for that yet ♡

(ps i’m not going to mention what type of person he would like unless you req that i want to keep this as neutral as possible)

aizawa having a crush on you means finding cats to take care of together

it means warm, comfortable, solidarity silence

he would still be himself around you for sure, he would want you to like him for who he is

changing himself is too much effort. if you don’t like him back he’ll have to move on whether it hurts or not

people still need teaching and saving after all and the world isn’t going to stop just for him

being a realist he’s aware of that

but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to clean up if you go out somewhere together (prior to dating, first impressions are everything)

he wouldn’t be afraid to tell you like it is if you ask for his opinion,

in his eyes sugarcoating things aren’t going to help you

but he wouldn’t necessarily be as harsh on you as he is on his students or mic

to woo you he wouldn’t really do anything above and beyond

he acknowledges that he likes you but he doesn’t want to waste time if his crush on you doesn’t blossom into something bigger

so instead of going all out he relies on things like little compliments, little favors and quality time

examples;

”you don’t look half bad today l/n”

”not too shabby, i guess” *combs hand through hair* (yeah that’s another thing, he’ll do little gestures to sway you but we’ll dabble into that more later)

”you smell fresh, that’s a nice aroma”

for little favors……

you: “ahh crap i left my keys in my car”

him: *magically knows a way to open locked out cars* you: *clearly having a rough day* him: *opens a window for you to vent* you: “awww man the last of ____ is sold out!”

him: “hmm..well, i’ll keep an eye out for when it’s back in stock” *the very next day* “oh yeah turns out i already had one i just forgot, here you can have it”

im not lying he actually did have one and forgot

as far as quality time:

inviting each other over for movie nights (he always falls alseep so you get most of the popcorn- 🎉 unless it’s his favorite movie- then he stays up eyes red and all, while sucking nothing out of an empty juicy box)

although movie night only happens when your closer friends though- he keeps his friend circle small because anyone could betray him and he doesn’t like people (he doesn’t hate them either he just stays to himself)

quality time for him can also be texting and checking up on each other

it doesn’t always have to be physical for him to feel appreciated

if YOU want to sway HIM though

get him a cat

self explanatory

but you can also listen to him when he talks, shoulder massages (only when your real close tho), give it to him straight.. definitely don’t be phony…and yeah!

pretty much be yourself

if he doesn’t fall for you himself there’s no way to convince him to

and if he falls for you it’s not for any facade you put on

its for your real true self

your personality.

he accepts your flaws and who you are but he will talk to you about bettering yourself a few times if they’re really bad and habitual (which he’s perfect if you have low self esteem because he’ll help you realize you might be overthinking and underestimating yourself, bringing you back to reality like the realist he is)

he’s not necessarily judgmental though

i feel like the part of him that’s not afraid to tell it like it is, is being misunderstood as him being judgmental

anyway that’s for when he has a crush on you

now its time for love

😍

okay so what (for), when, where and why right?

(“what about who? 🤓☝️“ YOU, FOOL!)

so what (for):

i dabbled in this okay? he loves your personality

for your flaws, your strengths, your weaknesses, your IQ (high or low), your fears

he loves everything about you

when?:

probably when you guys are pretty close

not him and mic close

but y’all have been friends for some time now

i say a couple of months

he doesn’t fall fast

maybe first though, if you an oblivious typa person

where (does he realize);

he was probably sitting on his couch after dinner, waiting for his shower to get hot, snug as a bug in his sleeping bag, drinkin a juicy box.

see the vision?

okay

so he was thinkin n thinkin n thinkin…

about you.

wait.

about you

why was he thinking so much about you.

omg wait..

he just remembered..

your beautiful smile (don’t care if it’s crooked, missing teeth, over/underbite- it’s GOREGEOUS)

your beautiful hair

your beautiful eyes

your personality

he realized he was thinking about you so much because…

he loves you

sits there head empty for a hot minute…

then falls asleep..

(rip water bill- shower still running)

why?:

wym why he fell in love? your YOU!!

your amazing even if he doesn’t say it all the time

or even if you don’t think it

even if no else thinks it!

someone does!

him!

he’s not the type of person to romanticize the person he loves

but he does accept you!

but as i said he loves you most for personality!

purely, truly—you

now let’s dabble back into the little gestures he’ll do to sway you once he realizes he loves you

for one like i said he’ll comb his hair in his fingers

and if he sees you find that attractive he’ll do it a little more around you

now keep in mind

your special

he doesn’t go around doing things like that for just anyone

no matter how small the change if it’s not beneficial he won’t do it

but this is beneficial

because he’s trying to court you ;)

he loves you, and he wants you to love him back now :)

but anyways

back on topic

he’ll also shrink his personal bubble around you

so now you can;

stand a little closer than normal

brush your fingers together

have your arms side by side

touch knees together when sitting

lay your head in his lap during movie night and he won’t say anything

(he wouldn’t pet your head but he’s not going to move you either)

rest your head on his shoulder as he does stuff/work (usually in private like when he’s planning his lessons on weekends)

speaking of that you can now come over unannounced and he’ll be glad to see you, ask you about your day, etc

back on topic to gestures he does,

his favors can get more personal,

like if you need to run errands but aren’t feeling well he’ll go shopping for you

(although i will say he doesn’t like shopping and has no idea what brands of products you normally buy he’ll do it to help you out)

he’ll also feel comfortable putting his arm on your shoulder (not around, on)

the gestures aren’t a lot because he isn’t the most cuddly guy (in my realistic headcanons)

but they mean something to you

AN: i tried to write canon aizawa more than fanon because it’s better that way to me but if anyone wants a little more cuddly/fanon aizawa i’d be happy to give it to them

i’m really happy with the way this turned out so i hope everyone can enjoy as well

ps: if you want specifically how he asks you out id love to do that (i might do it anyways 😋)

[stranger-stevieee]

Chapter 2: The Weirdo on Maple Street

Summary: As Will Byers' older sister, you have a responsibility to protect him. When you fail, you have to go through the process of getting him back safely. Between fighting inter-dimensional monsters, a girl with superpowers, and getting your brother back, you might just end up falling in love along the way.

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Byers!reader

Word Count: 3.3K (someone teach me how to write more)

Warnings (entire series): cursing, angst, gore/violence (in the later seasons), fem!reader, enemies to lover (sorta), any other warnings from the show

—

By the end of the night, Joyce and Jonathan have both fallen asleep while you’re wide awake.

Getting out of bed, and walking into the kitchen to get some water, you hear a small knock on the door.

Realizing how late it is, you cautiously walk towards the door when you can faintly hear voices bickering.

“We don’t need her”

“But she could help us!”

“Yeah c’mon Mike”

Rolling your eyes, you quietly open the door and step outside to talk to them.

“What are you guys doing here?”

All three of them looked up at you, Dustin saying “We need your help.”

—

The boys dragged you out of the house and biked through the rain to the Wheeler's house.

Walking down the stairs and into the basement you see another kid sitting on the couch, soaking wet, and in a large t-shirt.

“Who’s that?” you whisper to no one in particular

Lucas turns to you and says, “We…don’t know”

Asking the boys to fill you in on everything that happened, they tell you that they were out in the woods searching for Will, which you scolded them for, and how they found this girl just wandering around so they brought her here.

With this knowledge, you turn to the girl who looks so fragile and scared, your sister instincts kicking in, and softly say, “Hi, sweetie. Is there a number we could call for you?”

At the same time, all three boys burst out with questions.

“Where’s your hair?”

“Do you have cancer?”

“Dustin!”

“Are you in trouble?”

“Is that blood?”

Sensing that all their questions were probably making her uncomfortable you speak up, “Stop it, boys. You’re scaring her”

“She’s scaring me!” Lucas yells out

“Okay, enough. Mike, do you have some clothes she could borrow?”

Mike walks over to a laundry basket that has been sitting on the table. Grabbing a shirt and a pair of pants and walking over to the little girl.

“Here. These are clean.”

She takes the clothes out of Mike’s hands and stands up, lifting her shirt. Ready to undress herself in front of all of you.

You rush to her side, “No, no, no! Come with me.” leading her over to the bathroom, “You can change in here, okay?”

You go to close the door behind her, when all of a sudden, she stops you. 

“No,” she says looking you in the eyes for the first time

With a bit of shock from hearing her voice, you say, “Okay… um, what if I leave the door like… this” leaving the door cracked open a bit “And I'll be standing right here when you’re done. Is that better?”

“Yes,” she says quietly

Giving her a small nod you turned around facing the boys, who were bickering about god knows what.

“At least she can talk,” Mike says

“She said ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Your 3-year-old sister can say more than that” Lucas rebuttals

He continues by saying that she’s probably a psycho who escaped from Pennhurst, but you feel that it isn't fair to judge the girl because she’s a bit odd.

Sure she has a shaved head and tried to undress in front of the boys but that doesn’t make her a psycho.

“She’s not psycho, Lucas. She’s just scared.”

Ignoring you he went on, “I think we should tell your mom” he directed at Mike, Dustin jumping in, “I second that”

While they start coming up with a plan that you don't necessarily agree with, you feel a small tap on my shoulder. Turning around to face the girl, you see her dressed in the clothes Mike gave her. 

“You ok?” you ask as she nods in response

You could tell she was a bit uncomfortable so to make her feel better you decided to play around a little bit.

“Alright, I have to go now but if you need anything just ask Mike. If he doesn’t listen just let me know and I'll take care of him,” you say with a small smile, just to let her know you were joking and thankfully she understands and gives you a small smile of her own.

You have to admit, she was a cute little girl. You could already tell you would come to love her just as much as you love the boys.

—

The next morning you walk out to find Jonathan making breakfast for you and Joyce, who was sitting at the dining room table with a lit cigarette already in her hand. 

“Thank you,” you say with a small smile once breakfast is done

Joyce talks about wanting you both to make copies of the poster you made of Will.

“Listen, the Xerox place opens in, like, 30 minutes. But I don’t want you both going alone so I asked Karen if she could take you.”

Walking up to stand next to her, you put an arm on her shoulder and say, “Mom, we’ll be fine”

You knew how anxious she could get in general but with Will now missing she would be extra protective.

“N-no, how much is a copy? Ten cents? If we…”

“Mom. Mom. Mom!” Jonathan bursts out, grabbing her shoulders to get her to look at him, “You can’t get like this, okay?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

You rub her shoulders, trying to comfort her or at least get her to calm down, “It’s okay, Momma”

—

Jonathan made about 300 copies before you both headed off to spread them around town.

You had stopped at a few places before you decided to go to school and put some up on the bulletin boards.

“Okay, I’ll get the one by the gym,” You say as you both walk through the doors

“And I’ll stay around here. We’ll meet back here soon”

Walking away, you make your way to the other side of the school towards the gym. Quickly pining up the poster, trying not to stare at Will’s face for too long in fear of crying in the middle of the hallway.

It’s still so weird to accept that your brother is missing. 

As you’re walking back to the front of the school you see Jonathan standing by the bulletin board.

You go to approach him but when you do, a specific group of people catch your eye.

Getting closer you see Steve Harrington (aka King Steve or ‘The hair’ Harrington) and his entourage, Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins, and next to them, Nancy Wheeler and Barbra Holland.

Steve might just be the worst of them all. You can’t deny he’s good looking but he’s still an asshole. A good-looking asshole. You were ashamed to admit your previous crush on him before he became a douch.

You could handle Tommy with a quick snarky comeback and Carol was just a plain bitch.

Nancy and Barbra aren’t a part of their little group but Nancy’s “dating” Steve and Barbra is her best friend. You’re actually good friends with Nancy considering your brothers are best friends.

You both used to be friends when you were younger and she was always nice towards you. What you couldn’t understand is why a nice girl like her would date a douchebag like Harrington.

“Oh, god, that's depressing” you hear Steve say. 

Their conversation continues, “Should we say something?” 

“I don’t think he speaks,” Carol says mockingly

“How much you wanna bet he killed him?”

With anger flowing through you, you push your way past them, purposely knocking your shoulder into Tommy. Talking loud enough for them to hear “You guys don’t always have to be such assholes”

“Bitch,” He states loudly, glaring at the back of your head as if that would somehow affect you

Unphased by his comment, you continue towards Jonathan.

“How are we doing?”

“Good. I got the one by the teacher's lounge. I was thinking…” He cuts himself off and looks behind you. Turning around you see Nancy making her way over to you.

“Hey,”

“Oh, hey” 

“I just… I wanted to say, you know, um… I’m sorry about everything” She says nodding her head toward the poster on the wall

“Everyone’s thinking about you” now facing me, “Both of you” 

This is the most interesting thing to happen in Hawkins in years so of course people would be interested. You’re trying very hard not to roll your eyes considering she was trying to be nice, unlike other people

“It sucks,” Nancy continues

“Yeah,”

Well that was awkward, you thought

The bell rings and Nancy immediately turns to leave, almost too quickly “I have to go… Chem quiz” 

The PA system came on as you were both walking out. 

“Attention, faculty, and students. At 8:00 pm tonight, there will be an assembly on the football field in support of Will Byers and his family”

—

Getting back in the car, you figured Jonathan would start driving home considering Joyce was waiting for you guys, but instead, he started driving in the opposite direction towards the edge of town.

“Where are we going?”

Jonathan stared straight ahead, not taking his eyes off the road as he sighed, “Lonnie’s”

When you hear his name, you inhale sharply. You really don’t like visiting your “dad”, if you could even call him that. He was never there for any of you, and when he was, he spent all of his time finding something to fight about. 

You could always see the sadness on Will’s face when Lonnie never showed up or forgot about him.

You and Jonathan were used to it at this point but you will always resent him for making your baby brother feel that way.

“But I thought Hopper said to let him handle it?”

“He did, but we’re not going to just sit around when we could be helping”

As expected, Jonathan’s doing everything he can to find Will and you’d be stupid if you didn’t help him.

—

Pulling up to Lonnie’s house, you realize that you’ve never been here before.

Staring at the house that seemed to be just a bit larger than yours, you’re hesitant to go in but you know you need to. For Will.

As Jonathan gets out of the car, and you follow him, he says “You don’t have to come with me. I know you don’t want to see him.”

“No…no, I’m going with you. No way in hell am I leaving you alone with him”

You both walk up to the door, Jonathan having to pound on it due to the music blasting inside.

He was about to knock again when a young lady, who looked no older than 27, appeared and opened the door.

“Can I help you?”

Jonathan looked at you for a few seconds before looking back at her “Yeah, is Lonnie around?”

“Yeah, he’s out back. What do you want?” 

This time you take initiative and push the door open enough for both you and Jonathan to be able to get into the house.

“Just to look around,” She goes to protest but you quickly cut her off, “We’ll be fast,”

You and Jonathan split up while searching around the house. Calling out Will’s name in hopes that he’ll magically appear.

You have been searching for at least a minute when you hear a lot of commotion in the hallway, you rush out of the room you're in, only to see Lonnie pushing Jonathan up against a wall in a chokehold.

Walking up to the both of them, you go to push Lonnie off of him but Jonathan beats you to it. “Get off!”

“Damn, you’ve gotten stronger,” Lonnie says under his breath while his “girlfriend” exclaims “Will someone please explain what the hell is going on?”

Staring between the three of them you try to distance yourself as much as possible from Lonnie. Not wanting to even be in his presence let alone right next to him.

“Y/N, Jonathan, Cynthia” Lonnie said looking between the three of you. “Cynthia, this is Y/N, my oldest, and Jonathan, my second”

He turned his attention towards you while extending his arm, trying to pull you in for a hug, but you slap his hand away, 

“Don’t touch me” you say backing away even more

He lets out a humorless laugh, “You know, you look and act more like your mother every time I see you”

He isn’t entirely wrong. You are like Joyce in many ways. You’re both the same height and same stature, but you also act like her.

You are very protective of the people you love, you’re tough and can handle so much but you are also sensitive and sometimes some things are too much for you to handle.

There is one thing he’s wrong about though. 

“And when do you ever see me?” You rebuttal, “Last time I checked, you never come by, you never call, and you never make any effort to do so either.”

You feel a sense of relief, finally being able to confront him, but you know that’s not what you came for.

“Listen. I am your dad, I think I deserve a little respect…” he was already losing his patience and you guys have only been there for 5 minutes.

You cut him off by letting out a humorless laugh of your own, “You are not my dad. Never have been. Never will be. All you are is a self-centered jerk”

His face turns cold and he starts walking towards you but Jonathan pulls him back just in time and turns to you.

Jonathan wanted to fight back but he knew that if he did, it would’ve provoked Lonnie even more and it wouldn’t end well so instead he walked out to the backyard with you and Lonnie following him.

The both of you walked toward Lonnie's car, Jonathan walking over to the trunk and opening it up, hating that his mind would even think to check there but he had to.

“Really?” Lonnie asks “You wanna check up my ass, too? I told you the same things I told those cops, he’s not here”

“Then why didn’t you call Mom back”

“I don’t know, I just figured she couldn’t find him. That boy never was very good at taking care of himself”

You were starting to get angry at his continuous digs toward Joyce and Will. “This isn’t some joke, okay?” 

“There are search parties, reporters…” Jonathan trails off

“Hopper’s not still chief is he?”

You both say nothing causing Lonnie to shake his head in disgust.

“Look, all I'm saying is, maybe I'm not the asshole, alright?”

There was a quick moment of silence before you reached into your bag and pulled out one of the posters, shoving it into Lonnie’s chest and walking away, Jonathan following behind you

“In case you forgot what he looks like”

—

After leaving Lonnie’s house and arriving back in Hawkins, Jonathan said there was something he had to do. He wouldn’t say what it was or where he was going so you just asked him to drop you off at home.

Walking through the front door you find Joyce sleeping on the chair with the phone sitting on her lap. It was seconds after you walk in that the phone rings and Joyce jumps up and answers it.

“Hello?” after a couple of seconds of silence she tries again “Hello? Who is this?”

You stare at her waiting to see who’s on the other line. 

“Will?” She whispers, starting to cry and you let out a gasp. If it really was Will on the other line, you might be able to find him. You might have hope.

“Will, it’s me. Talk to me. I’m here.”

You could faintly hear static on the other line and getting closer to the phone you heard a whisper, “Mom?” Joyce gasps and loses her footing but you’re able to hold her and keep her steady.

“Will! Yes, it’s me. It’s me.”

You’re in shock that Will was actually speaking to you guys and that he’s still alive.

“Mom, is it really him?” you had started crying at this point, praying that it was Will on the other end of the line. Joyce looked at you, the phone still attached to her face, and nodded at you with tears streaming down her face.

There was no denying it. It was Will.

She continues her questioning when the lights start flickering and getting brighter. You look around you watching the lights, trying to decipher their odd behavior.

The lights continue glowing brighter and brighter until eventually, they all turn off and you hear a popping sound.

You turn around looking at Joyce as she drops the phone. She bends down picking it back up only to find the receiving end burnt. 

“No, no, no, no” She mutters to herself before she begins to cry out, “No!” and in a fit of rage she takes the phone in her hand and throws it to the floor, shattering.

You didn’t notice the lights flickering again until Joyce stood up and softly whispered “What?”

She began walking down the hallway as you followed. Keeping her gaze on the lights she called out, “Jonathan!” but you were quick to inform her that Jonathan wasn’t home.

Unsure of what to do, you both continue down the hall when all of a sudden, the sound of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by The Clash blasts through the house startling both you and Joyce. 

It’s coming from Will’s room. The door was closed but through the cracks, you could see the lights flickering and could hear the sound of electricity buzzing with each flicker.

You build up the courage to lead the both of you toward Will’s door and eventually open it, slowly walking in.

Inside there was Will’s desk. One that held many memories but right now, it held the boombox that the music was blasting from, and inside it was the mixtape that you and Jonathan had made for Will. Next to it, was a lamp that was also flickering continuously. 

You step towards the lamp and ask “Will? Is that you?”

The answer to your question came from the lights glowing brighter than before but in a split second, it stops. 

Everything stops. The lights go dim, the music gets cut off and it’s silent for a few seconds before the wall next to the table begins to warp.

First a face, then hands trying to reach out and break through the wall which was expanding as if it was made of rubber. 

You and Joyce share a petrified look on your faces before she screams and you both run out of the house towards the car.

You were hyperventilating as you jumped into the passenger seat. Joyce got in and started the car before pausing for a second.

“Mom, what are you doing? Drive!” you said, confused as to why she wasn’t trying to get the hell away from whatever was stuck in your walls.

Without saying anything, she kills the engine, takes a deep breath, and exits the car, walking back into the house.

“What the hell is happening?” you ask yourself. You weren’t going to just sit there while your mom was inside facing god knows what. So you follow her inside.

She was frantically running around the house, collecting every light she could see and before you knew it she was back in Will’s room with lights all around her.

You walk into the doorway of Will’s room and stare at her, completely convinced that Will is talking to her, and you’re not sure if you can call her crazy because after what you saw tonight, nothing’s impossible.

—

a/n: Hello!!! ik its been a long time since I posted the first chapter and I hope y'all don't hate me. Plz go read it if you missed it. I just want to let you know that I appreciate any feedback just please be kind. Anyway that's all I hope you enjoy what's to come! Also lmk if you wanna be tagged

Tags:

@torntaltos

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

The idea: HCS for some of the older characters reacting/dating hcs to the cram school! reader liking them.

Basically: if all of the cram school students are OF AGE, how would these characters react?

The list(Blue Exorcist):

Shiro Fujimoto, Mephisto, Lucifer, Juzo Shima, Satan, Shura Kirigakure, Mamushi Hojo, Yuri Egin

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like the headcanons.

Fandom: Blue Exorcist

Characters: Lucifer, Shura Kirigakure, Mamushi Hojo x gn! Reader (Separate)

I've actually just answered a request asking for relationship headcanons for Shiro, Mephisto, Juzo, Satan, and Yuri which you can find here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General dating headcanons for the Blue Exorcist characters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucifer is a very intense partner. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is something to be aware of when in a relationship with him.

When he loves, it’s complete and all consuming. He will do everything to protect you from his enemies and, even at times, his allies.

Sometimes this can come across as smothering but Lucifer also respects you completely. If you ask him to back off and let you live your own life, he’ll do just that. But he will always keep a close eye on you. If anything were to happen to you, he would never forgive himself.

If you’re not an exorcist or part of the Illuminati, he’ll do his best to keep you away from the coming war. He might teach you how to defend yourself, just to know you can defend yourself.

On the other hand, if you’re already involved, Lucifer likes being able to discuss plans and ideas with you. He’s got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and having you there helps ease the weight.

If you’re in a relationship with Shura, you’re certainly going to be going on a lot of adventures, both exorcist related and not. She’s a party animal and likes excitement.

If you’re not into that sort of stuff, she’ll respect that but she’d love it if you’re willing to be with her when she gets to properly relax and let her hair down (more than usual of course).

Shura’s a super supportive partner in all aspects. Need some words of affirmation about your outfit? You’ve never looked better in her eyes. Want her to look over your latest project? It’s looking good!

As energetic as she is, she also loves spending quiet time with you. She enjoys the peace you bring her and hopes she brings you peace in those moments as well.

I feel like Shura puts up a front a lot of the time, hiding her true self behind her overly bubbly personality. But with you, she can be honest, letting her walls down and knowing you’ll still care for her nonetheless.

Okay, Mamushi is an interesting case. She’s probably not going to react the best if you tell her about your feelings for her out of nowhere but if you give her some time to calm down, she will certainly reciprocate.

I see her as someone who is very much a fan of subtle declarations of affection. She likes it when you put your shoes next to hers when you take them off and when you link your pinkies together while walking.

Big declarations still intimidate her a bit and she’s not great at expressing her own feelings but she’s trying her best.

I feel like Mamushi hasn’t had a lot of experience with relationships before so she isn’t really sure how fast or slow it should progress. You’ll have to be the one to set boundaries or ask her to do things so she knows.

She’s also very much someone who, even though it takes a while for her to develop feelings, once she cares about someone, she’s with them for the long run.

[runningfrom2am]

hiii bestieee! I wasn't planning to send you a request this quick but I HAD to get this idea across!

A drew fic based on 'lost in japan' by shawn mendes! (Yes, a song fic request 🤭)

PLOTLINE IDEA: so the reader is far away from drew, and one night, impulsively, drew gets on a flight and comes to the reader because he was missing the reader a little too much than usual

LYRICS TO INSPIRE YOU:

All i'd take is one flight, we'd be in the same time zone

Do you got plans tonight, I'm a couple hundred miles from Japan and I, I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight, cause I can't get you off my mind

Do I gotta convince you, that you shouldn't fall asleep, it will only been a couple hours, I'm about to leave

BECAUSE COME ON THIS IS SOMETHING DREW WOULD DEFINITELY DO

anyways please please take as much time as you need! I already know the fic will be SO GOOD!! love youuu <3

AHHH FINALLY HERE IT IS!! im so obsessed you have no idea, thank you SO much for requesting this one i love it!! i hope it’s everything you imagined!!

lost in japan (d.s)

you're getting ready for bed in your small apartment, which for you, meant going back and forth between cleaning, working on lesson plans, and watching TV for hours on a friday night since you didn't have to be up early the next morning. typically, you'd be up quite late after a long week of teaching english to japanese students every day.

you love your job, truly, teaching and travel were your passion, and this opportunity has been amazing- but that didn't necessarily mean you couldn't get a little burnt out. you're homesick, more than anything. you miss your family and friends back home in north carolina, not to mention the beaches, and the sort of small town vibe that was nowhere to be found in tokyo.

you're just finishing up doing some dishes when your phone rings, and you're quick to dry off your hands and pick it up, furrowing your brow in confusion at the contact that's popped up. drew was busy, he was always busy, but you had been missing him, too. "hey, drew." you answer with a smile, quickly turning down the volume on the tv.

"hey! y/n, how's it going?" he asks, unbeknownst to you, chewing on his nails as he sits in an airport in another country.

"i'm well..." you answer, tilting your head a little bit. you're happy to hear his voice, of course, but still surprised. "what about you? how's filming?"

"it's good! i've got a bit of a break for the next couple weeks." drew answers, bouncing his leg and looking around the crowded room.

"that's good! you deserve a break." you smile, sitting down on your bed now. "what did i do to warrant the pleasure of a call?"

you talk to drew often, of course, being good friends since you met in university. you both had overlapping english classes and instantly clicked, and were luckily able to maintain contact even after he "made it big". he insists he would never forget about you, despite you joking about it regularly.

"well i was thinking, since i've got this break, maybe i could come visit you for a week or so." drew answers nervously. "i did want to surprise you, but i realize i don't know where exactly you live and tokyo is a big city so you might be hard to find." he rambles on a bit, waiting anxiously on your response.

"oh! uhm.." you reply, completely caught off-guard by his suggestion. you'd love to have him, but as you look around your small studio apartment, you're not sure there's room for company. not to mention, it would be a little embarrassing. you try to stay on top of cleaning, but it's hard to organize with little space.

"it's okay if you don't want me to come! god, i- i'm sorry, y/n, i shouldn't have thrown this on you so suddenly-" drew quickly backtracks, shaking his head at his own stupidity. of course he should have given you a bigger heads up.

"no! of course i want you to come!" you're quick to ease his mind as you sit up in excitement. "my apartment is just a little... tight, that's all. i was just thinking of where you would sleep. but of course, you're always welcome. when were you thinking of coming? i just need to organize a bit."

"well..." drew chuckles a little nervously. "do you have any plans tonight? i'm kind of already at the airport. i just couldn't get you off my mind today, decided to just go for it and hope you're okay with a guest."

you freeze up a little, in a bit of shock as you blush. he was thinking about you?  "oh! uh, yeah! i can meet you at the airport. what time do you leave? what time do you land?" you ask, standing up and looking towards your closet. you're getting ahead of yourself- it will obviously be a long flight, but now you're nervous. you've always had a bit of a crush on him, which was kind of an understatement.

"you don't have to do that." drew instantly protests. "i think i'll land around two-thirty tokyo time. i'll just take a cab, if you can send me your address and be up to let me in?"

"nonsense, drew, of course i'll come meet you." you giggle, already shuffling through your clothes as you look at your alarm clock. it's only eight, so you can try and get some sleep before you have to go. "i've got no classes until monday, i'll have a quick nap and meet you at the airport at two-thirty."

"sweet! that'd be awesome." drew replies, smiling to himself. he's so excited to see you, more and more recently he's been thinking about you. truly missing you, and he figured he'd take a leap of faith and come visit- especially since he knows you've been lonely. maybe, he thinks, he'll even be able to tell you how he feels. how he's always felt, and he'll be leaving japan finally able to call you his girlfriend. "so, uh, i guess i'll see you tonight, then?"

"see you tonight." you agree, absolutely giddy with excitement. "have a safe flight!" you quickly add in, almost forgetting your manners with the flood of adrenaline in your system.

"thanks, y/n/n. see you in a bit!" drew smiles, hanging up. perfect timing, too, they're about to start boarding.

you stand at the almost empty arrivals area of the tokyo international airport, anxiously watching the escalator and waiting to see drew after months apart. you had put on some of your nicest casual clothes, not wanting to look overdressed, but not like a mess either. after all, you had six hours to plan the outfit, considering you couldn't sleep for even a minute.

you look down at your phone again, checking the time for what must be the hundredth time since you left the apartment. two fifty-three. his flight landed on time, according to the screen on the wall, so he should be walking out any minute. you get a pit in your stomach, you're so nervous.

drew has the same feeling as he tries to blindly follow the other people who got off his flight, unable to read any of the signs directing passengers to arrivals and baggage claim. it's a long walk in a big airport, but it feels a million times longer since he's anxious to get to you. he comes to the escalator, seeing a few people waiting at the bottom, his eyes scanning for you, who he quickly finds. he feels his heart rate increase and he smiles, adjusting his bag in his grip, already feeling his hands getting sweaty. that's when you notice him too.

you smile wide, giving him an excited wave. you're practically shaking with excitement, or nerves, but you're just happy to not be so alone anymore. he gets to the bottom and gets off, quickly making his way over to you, you cringe a little when he drops his bags and opens his arms for a hug, you really wanted to hug him, of course, but culturally you know you'll get stares and disapproving looks. "hey!" you grin, immediately reaching out and blocking his arms. he furrows his brows in confusion, his eyes flashing with disappointment.

"sorry." you chuckle, awkwardly moving his arms back to his sides. "it's kind of rude to hug in public." you explain, looking around and hoping no one is offended. luckily only a couple people noticed, and they avert their eyes when they see you correcting him.

"oh, uh, i didn't know that. sorry.." drew blushes, avoiding your eyes for a moment.

"you're fine." you insist, trying to cheer him up. "i missed you, i'm glad you're here."

"i missed you too." drew replies, smile returning to his cheeks now. he doubts it will leave the whole time he's here.

"uh, do you have bags?" you ask him, gesturing toward the baggage carousel.

"nope, carry on only." he says proudly, lifting his bag off the ground and throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

"oh, perfect! then we get first dibs on a cab. follow me." you smile, turning and walking towards the exit. god, you hate making small talk, but the silence in the quiet airport is killing you.

"so, how's work?" drew asks, trying to hide the nervousness in his tone. he hasn't seen you in person in close to a year, and even then you were both so busy you had to squeeze in coffee on a lunch break when he happened to be filming close to home.

"it's good! i really love it." you nod, glancing back at him as you guys step outside. "the kids are all so sweet. it's a great opportunity."

"that's awesome. it sounds like fun." drew nods, looking around to try and get a bearing on his surroundings. it's humid out, but not hot.

"it is, yeah." you say. "one sec, i think this one is free-" he watches as you wrap your sweater tighter around yourself, walking up to a cab and waving to the driver as he unlocks the doors. you turn and wave for him to join you, and he walks up and opens the door for you, letting you in first.

you say something to the driver in japanese, drew assumes you're telling him your address, and quickly after that you guys are moving.

you don't talk much on the drive, again, it's polite to stay quiet, so when you do you only whisper. it's about a half hour drive to your apartment, and you get out, looking up at the familiar building quickly before thanking the driver and paying him.

"i can pay you back, how much was it?" drew says as you fumble with your keys.

"seven-thousand yen." you answer, giggling and looking up at him as you push the door open, knowing that means absolutely nothing to him.

"uh, in usd?" drew chuckles, following you in.

"don't worry about it." you giggle and lead him up the stairs to the third floor where your room is.

"it's really small-" you pause before you open the door. "and a bit of a mess so i'm sorry, we can find you a hotel tomorrow it was just a bit short notice."

"i don't care." drew shakes his head, smiling down at you. "we just get to spend more quality time together, hey? it's fine."

"okay bigshot, suit yourself." you chuckle, shaking your head as you open the door. you both shuffle in and you try to get out of his way so he can put his stuff down, and the second he drops it on the floor his arms are around you.

you freeze for a moment before hugging him back, leaning your head on his chest. "i've been thinking about this for months.." he mutters, taking in the scent of your hair, your skin, just you.

"me too." you whisper back, gently rubbing his back.

"no, like- you don't understand." he says, pulling away only a little to look down at you. "i- shit." he chuckles, shaking his head slightly in embarrassment. "i've really missed you. i think about you all the time, the best part of my week is when i get the chance to call you."

“me too.” you repeat yourself, blushing a little as you don’t know what else to say.

“well, come on, no, you’re living your dream out here.” drew laughs, gesturing around you only to return his hand to your back.

“so are you.” you raise your eyebrow at him and he shrugs.

“yeah, well, not really. my dream isn’t complete without you.” he bites the bullet, hoping you’ll understand what he’s saying. he chews a little on his bottom lip as he locks eyes with you, scanning them to get some kind of grasp on what you were thinking, or feeling.

your cheeks burn furiously as you briefly look down, unsure really what to say. “well… me too.” you giggle, laughing at having to say the same thing again.

a small smile flickers on drew’s lips and he reaches his hand up, hesitating to place it on your cheek and gently lifting your jaw to meet his eyes again. he hears his heart beating in his chest, and so do you, as he very slowly at first leans in. his lips meet yours so gently it’s like he’s scared he’ll break you, making you smile against his lips as you kiss him back. almost so much that it makes the task at hand impossible.

“i’ve been wanting you to do that for years.” you admit, staring into his blue eyes as you pull away only about an inch.

his forehead stays pressed against yours as he smiles, his breath tickling your lips as he speaks. “that sucks, because i’ve wanted to do that for years. you should’ve said something, y/n/n.”

it’s safe to assume now that you won’t be needing the bed you made for yourself on the floor.

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @mutual-mendes, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron