#talking about *does* go by they/them but are still processing that part of their identity? What if they're nonbinary but choose to go by

[motoroil-recs]

I suppose this counts as a kinfession. I just wanted to state how sometimes it gets really frustrating to see sentients who are kin with a not binary character that uses they/them (see Kris from Deltarune) and them then using he/him. I get that it is their own memories and literally them, but I suppose after a while it feels like some sort of erasure to me? I hope that makes sense, and if anybody could explain more to make me more comfortable with this specific thing, that would be lovely as well. I always want to keep an open mind.

🏎️‼️

[toast-on-dandelioms]

I have an ask about Spider reader, what if they bonded with a symbiote like Venom ? Exept they bonded to the point its impossible to separate them without killing them both? Venom is still partially separate from reader mostly working and talking with them or taking control when reader cant. Venom knows everthing about them since there i readers head.

Ok that's a great question!

I think at first Spider would be tired of Venom and try everything to get rid of him before getting used to a companion that doesn't have to be kept in the dark about their vigilante job and also their family problems.

They wouldn't tell anyone, but Alfred would obviously find out and just make sure they're ok before making his plan faster of getting the family to notice them.

If we take in consideration the original timeline that I am following at the moment, Superman would probably be the first person you would tell after months of knowing him and trusting him enough.

But when the Batfam will find out? Well I'm gonna make an example for how they would find out. (And also a small spoiler for the next part)

Ok so Spider is 'working' with Superman sometimes since Gotham's streets are relatively safe and they decide to follow Superman to a mission where they thought they were gonna work alone with Superman again and instead find Batman and Damian waiting for you two.

The mission consists of defeating a rising villain that is making weapons for big villains around the world, and while in the evil lair after defeating the villain, Batman almosts get stabbed by a machine set off by Superman.

But Spider decides to help him and saves him, getting stabbed in the process and making Venom heal them slowly and not immediately since they didn't want Batman to ask questions.

But Spider is still bleeding with a grave wound, which sends everyone in a panic.

So Batman sends Superman with you to the Batcave to get healed while Batman and Damian will make sure the villain will get what he deserves for hurting Spider. (Since Batfam is already a bit yandere for Spider but do not know their real identity)

At the Batcave Spider gets treated a bit after managing to give them some sedatives to make them calm down, which makes Venom come out to defend Spider.

And Alfred decides to make the drastic decision to reveal who Spider is, tired of seeing the Batfam treating them horribly while almost idolising and loving Spider which is the same person.

And Venom insults them with telling everything Spider thinks of them, all the pain, injuries and thoughts they had to make the Batfam feel even worse and Superman more of a yandere than he already was.

So the Batfam becomes even more, not sure the right terminology, yandere for Spider and wants to make it right, promising Venom to make it right and wanting to give Spider all the love they couldn't receive the first years in the Manor.

Venom, sadly, gets manipulated by everyone and promises to not say anything to Spider and helping them a bit since Venom also wants the best for Spider.

The story would continue with Spider getting imprisoned in the Manor, with their powers weak thanks to Venom, making them desperate and also weirded out by the sudden attention of everyone.

And after a while, with everyone manipulating them and suffocating them with their love will eventually lead to Stockholm Syndrome.

And that's the end of it! I will probably reblog it if I find anything wrong that I didn't notice! Thanks for the ask!

For the divider you can go to @saradika-graphics, she does this and takes requests!

[yet-another-heathen]

On the topic of realistic conditioning/deconditioning,

If the trigger is something whumpee wouldn't hear often when they're with caretaker but whumpee still wants to break it because they might hear it elsewhere (like kneel being taken as a command)

Would whumpee ask caretaker to casually trigger them so they have the opportunity to challenge it in their own head and in a safe place? Would this be a good idea for recovery?

And of course being there with the praise everytime whumpee makes just a little bit of progress, or comfort when they don't.

Heads up, anon: your ask was an EXCEPTIONALLY good one, and I ended up writing another mini TED talk (~3-4 min read) in response. Thank you so much for sending it in!

...on Conditioned Whumpees - Part 3

[ Part 1 - Part 2 ]

That is a very, very good idea! You're spot on with all of it, particularly operating in a safe environment where whumpee is ultimately calling the shots. Having that comfort/support readily available will make a huge difference in how well whumpee can tackle the matter. And while the process isn't fun, approaching desensitization with this much intent is much, much more likely to result in success.

I can offer a few pointers that can add another few layers of realism, as well as some other things to think about while tailoring it to your story:

if whumpee is actively working through their conditioning in this way, memories of their trauma will become closer to the surface. As a result, all of their other PTSD symptoms will be elevated during the course of their practice sessions, as well as for at least a few weeks after.

flashbacks are a very common experience during times like this. engaging with triggers like this is going to cause their flashbacks to become more frequent and intense.

during such flashbacks, it is almost a given that whumpee's mind and body will enter a similar state to the one it was in during the time when the flashback was taking place. By that I mean that the fear they felt in that moment, where it was physically located in their body, will echo into their body in the present moment. Same goes for other all other emotions, and sometimes even phantom aches surrounding any injuries they received at the time...

while the emotions tend to be identical to the ones felt during the trauma, in my experience, the pain comes out distorted in a similar way to the way it does in dreams: less intense, and more "blurry" and imprecise in location. When we say that someone having a flashback is "reliving the moment", we mean that their body literally feels as though they're in the same immediate danger that it was in back then.

this is true even though they'll be aware to at least some degree that they're presently with caretaker and safe.

the flashbacks don't always happen immediately after the conditioning trigger is used. Often they flare up hours or days later, sometimes without warning, sometimes as a result of encountering a different flashback trigger. The whumpee's thresholds for what counts as a trigger will drop, which is part of what causes the flashbacks to happen more often. Something they could normally ignore is going to affect them much more while they're like this.

your whumpee is more likely to experience severe mood swings while in this heightened state. Especially feelings like irritability, frustration, anger, loneliness, and grief. This stuff ain't pretty, folks. Even your sweet cinnamon bun is most likely going to lash out at someone as a result.

PTSD episodes are also exhausting. your whumpee is going to feel mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. And, to add insult to injury, being tired amplifies the emotions listed above.

Now all of this said, your whumpee may or may not know that this is to be expected. If they've worked on processing their trauma before this, they'll have figured out that one often leads to the other. They'll go into the deconditioning practice knowing this is coming, and will approach it carefully, but with a fairly level head. Knowing that it'll suck, but they'll come out the other side okay.

If not, they're in for a rather nasty surprise.

For the latter, they will feel at first that the deconditioning practice is making everything worse. They're suddenly struggling the way they did when the trauma was fresher, and it can be tempting to stop and refuse to touch it again because the mental/emotional pain gets so intense.

If they do give up at this stage, it will make trying again far more daunting in the future.

But the trauma being stirred up is actually a sign that it's helping. It means that the whumpee is starting to process what happened to them, which is a fundamental step in being able to heal.

Note: All throughout the process, crying is a very good thing. It lets them physically get rid of a lot of the brain chemicals associated with these surges of emotion. Letting themselves cry over things they couldn't cry about back then can actually help them let go of those feelings in a similar way to if they'd been able to process them in the moment. [Which is the basis for much of EMDR, a specialized tool used in trauma therapy.]

Okay. So now we know what other effects can cascade from the actual deconditioning practice, now we have some things to consider.

First off, what time parameters are whumpee and caretaker working within while deconditioning? There are three basic options:

they sit down together and practice repeatedly using the trigger for [X amount of time; usually <45m at once] back to back. Once that time is up, caretaker will no longer use the trigger at all, the excercise will end, and they'll get up to do something else.

whumpee sets a specific window of time [X number of hours] within which caretaker will use the trigger word at random points. Once that time has elapsed, the exercise is over.

over the course of days, caretaker uses the trigger word at random points without giving warning. the excercise only stops after being ended by whumpee.

Now why is that important? Because of something called hypervigilance. It is another symptom of PTSD which, to put it into the simplest words, is whumpee waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a heightened state of tension and wariness in which whumpee is expecting that something bad is going to happen, and is constantly searching for any sign to indicate when it's coming.

It is beyond exhausting.

Imagine knowing that someone is about to slap you as hard as they can, and you have to sit there with your eyes closed, waiting for it. The breath-holding, the flinchiness, the rigid tension in your body as you strain to listen for when they're coming.

Only now, stretch that moment out into hours. Days. Weeks. That is hypervigilance.

A hypervigilant whumpee is not going to be able to relax. Or rest. Or decompress. Or readily trust much of anything around them. They're MUCH more likely to flinch at sudden movements/sounds. They might start biting their nails or showing other signs of nervousness and distress.

These methods above have a gradually increasing chance of setting off whumpee's hypervigilance. If they know exactly when the next trigger is coming, as in example 1, then their 'waiting for it' tension will be low. But the more uncertain they become of exactly when it's going to happen, as in examples 2 & 3, the worse the hypervigilance is going to get.

The trade off is that the later examples are more effective in desensitizing them toward the trigger. The more their practice mimics encountering an unexpected trigger in day-to-day life, the easier it will be to fall back on that desensitization when the time comes.

Therefore, it would be a very good idea for a whumpee who's new to this to start with number 1, then gradually progress to 2 & 3 as time goes on. They should be the one to decide when the next step is made, and if/when they need to dial it back.

Other questions to ask yourself while plotting:

how mentally prepared is whumpee for worsening symptoms? what about caretaker? did either of them know it was coming?

how much of this heightened PTSD stress can your whumpee take before it becomes too much? how do they react when they do hit that tipping point?

if caretaker feels that whumpee is getting too distressed during practice even though they're not tapping out, would they call it off themself? Or would they ultimately leave that decision to whumpee?

based on the answer, how would whumpee feel about caretaker's decision? Relieved? Belittled? Betrayed?

does whumpee have any grounding tools they can use while practicing?

how does caretaker handle the mood swings and instability that come with whumpee's heightened PTSD? You should consider both their internal and external reactions on the matter.

how does whumpee prefer to decompress after a practice session? what things would help them calm down and recover?

how long do they need (hours or days) before the next attempt?

Even with all I've just written, there's far more to the resulting hightened state of PTSD than flashbacks and hypervigilance. PTSD symptoms that they're most likely to encounter in the background while doing deconditioning practice include:

Flinchiness, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, exhaustion, emotional mood swings, outbursts, crying spells, depression, executive dysfunction, dissociation, numbness, racing thoughts, freeze responses, tremors, inappetence, muscle tension, and heart palpitations.

Yes, usually many of them at once, even those that contradict. Your whumpee is going to have a LOT going on at once, and it is not going to be a fun time. I recommend looking up any of the above symptoms you don't recognize, and looking for whump inspiration in what you learn.

(Because everyone experiences PTSD episodes differently, there's a lot of wiggle room in which ones whumpee will encounter. Don't feel pressured to use all of them, find what you want to write and have fun with it!)

Thanks again for the incredible ask, anon. And again, I want to congratulate you on how spot-on your original ask was. You nailed it. I know this was a lot more than you asked for, but I hope this provides helpful context for your whump! My inbox will always be open if you think of anything more <3

[localcatmutt]

OTHERHEARTED

What does it mean to be otherhearted?

Otherhearted is a term primarily used in the therian/otherkin community that means “to identify WITH a non-human animal/creature/being.” You may have a deeply rooted connection/relation to it, and experience shifts or traits similar to the species, BUT not identify AS it. For example, I experience many bear traits and shifts, I feel a deep connection to these animals and identify WITH them, rather than identifying AS them. The “as” or “with” are very important to distinguish a theriotype/kintype from an otherhearted “identity”.

Another common term that holds the same meaning is kithtype. The etymology of the word “kith” originally means familiarity (not family), or something/someone you are connected/close to. Then the word “type” refers to what kind of identity it is (which is kith in this case). 

To simplify the difference between kintypes and kithtypes; kin (to identify as/to be) and kith (to identify with/to be like).

Importance of Otherhearted

In the community people tend to showcase their theriotypes over kithtypes. They are held at a higher standard, and they are viewed as more important when it comes to our identity as a whole. But that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, being a therian and being otherhearted can share most of the same experiences. You can indeed have shifts from kithtypes, mental and phantom. Being otherhearted can impact your life just as much, and you can wear all the same gear as a therian. Both are a part of your identity. Kithtypes can be just as prominent as kintypes.

The questioning process can be all the same as well. 

Belonging in the Community

People who are otherhearted are just as valid as therians, and belong in our community all the same. We all identify as, with or simply connect to animals in different ways than people who aren't in our community. Our animal hearts, minds and souls are what connects us. Not the labels. Therians, otherkin, otherhearted, coping identities/coping links… they all belong.

As I have said before, these all share similar or same experiences. Any of us can wear gear, do quads, make posts, educate or share our identities. The sole differences are the origin of these identities, and whether you identify as or with the animal/creature/being (or if it's a voluntary identity like in the case of coping links, which I will eventually address in a separate post). 

Confusing the two

It’s easy to feel lost when we’re trying to figure out what we are, and where an identity stands. Is it a theriotype? Is it a kithtype? Is it a cameo? It can be quite the confusing process. Although I think that if people knew how important being otherhearted is, they might find it easier to understand if they're kith or kin. I mean, in the end the major difference is just… are you LIKE the animal? Or ARE you the animal? Shifts don't immediately mean theriotype, so I think that's where most of the confusion lies.

Quick definition of cameo for those who don’t know of them : Cameos are simply shifts that can suddenly come and go, that arent from a known kintype. They may make a brief appearance in your life. Think of the actual word “cameo” that is used for actors who make sudden appearances in movies, and may bring an element of surprise to viewers. 

I am otherhearted

I have six primary kithtypes. Each has different levels of relevance/importance to me, but are still very important to who I am as a whole. These kithtypes are; Canines (coyotes and jackals especially), Kermode Bears/Black Bears, Ravens, Snakes, Giant River Otters and Arthropods as a whole. It's a lot, but over the years, deeply rooted connections to these animals have planted themselves into my identity. I have shifts, behaviours and traits just like them!

Sometimes I even feel confused because of how prominent they can become. 

Well, that’s all for now! I thought it would be important to talk about otherhearted identities for a change. Its not shared enough and I think that spreading more information could help people figure out experiences more easily.

Hope you enjoyed!

Last note - If I made spelling errors or definition errors let me know. Everything is based on research, and what I've been learning throughout the years I've been in the community. I have been active here for more than 7 years, and have been on many different platforms including Instagram, Amino, Tumblr, Discord groups and a few Forums. So I don't only explore newer information, but also older ones. 

[chronicbeans]

Queerplatonic Alastor x Reader Headcanons

Hehe my plan of writing headcanons for various Aroace-spec identity Alastor headcanons has begun. This one is with a cupioromantic and asexual Alastor in mind. I haven't seen enough of them, and as they say! "If you want it done right, you gotta do it yourself."

TW: Frustrations regarding romantic identity, complete unawareness of certain LGBTQ+ topics (my man's from the 1920's, he's almost completely in the dark), slight yandere behavior? (I feel he's just obsessive by default, regardless of the relationship type)

• So, this man has never necessarily identified himself with any sort of LGBTQ+ labels. Back in his day, there weren't any terms to use for being asexual or aromantic. At least, not any that he knew of. He's always been comfortable with his sexuality, though! His main thought process was always "I'll probably find someone that I'm attracted to at some point, and if I don't, that's alright." That thought process has also followed him down to Hell, and stayed the same for all these years.

• However... Whilst he's very comfortable with his sexuality... His romantic feelings are very complicated, now. He's always desired to have one, and he's very confused as to why he hasn't felt any romantic attraction, yet. It makes sense that someone who wants a romantic relationship to be able to feel romantic attraction, yes? He's very much in the dark to the complexities of how these things really work, mostly due to him being from the 1920s-30s. He's caught up on slang and technology, but he hasn't bothered to keep up with sexualities and romantic identities, as he doesn't think about them much.

• So, does he ask any more modern demons and sinners for help? Ha! No. He's too prideful, and simply assumes that there probably isn't much of a difference in knowledge on romantic attraction as compared to his day. Yes, he's aware that there's way more identities for sexualities. People talk about them often, and he hears terms thrown around here and there as he walks through Hell. He never hears anything in regards to romance, though. It's simply not talked about as often, from his experience. So, he's completely in the dark. If anything, he's probably completely unaware that there are identities for romantic attraction.

• He does what he can to cope. This whole situation is very frustrating for him. However, at the same time, he thinks that it shouldn't be so frustrating. So, it's embarrassing to him, and he doesn't tell anyone about it. Instead, he does what he believes everyone who is single and ready to mingle does: reading romance novels. More specifically, he flips to parts where said attraction is described, or little scenarios that he wants is going on. Restaurant dates, walking through the park, dancing, holding hands and cuddling. Those sorts of things! Things nobody would ever expect someone as unhinged as him would want...

• The most frustrating part, however, is that he feels he should already be feeling such an attraction to you. You, being his most close friend. You're the one he trusts with certain secrets, one of the few people he doesn't mind touching him unprompted (besides, say, Niffty), and probably the only person he lets his smile down around. Though, he rarely does so, as he doesn't want to worry you. Unlike Niffty, who he sees as having a more familial feeling towards, he sees you as a close friend. His closest friend, but just a close friend, which frustrates him to no end.

• It takes him a long time to even think of mentioning it to someone. However, when he does, he'd feel too awkward to bring it up to you. So, he decides to speak to Charlie about it! After all, she has one of the more "modern" relationships. So, she probably also knows something about whatever is going on with him! And after the long and grueling process of talking to her? He comes out even more frustrated than before. Being unable to feel romantic attraction, but still want romance? Cupioromantic? It is all so confusing. However, he won't question it. He's clearly out of his zone, and he was horribly wrong when assuming the world of romance hadn't progressed...

• You, however, are his most trusted friend. His closest friend. So, he decides to waste no time in deciding to propose an idea to you. He's heard of these things called "queerplatonic relationships", and his understanding is that they are like friendships, but with some more traditionally romantic interactions involved. Which, whilst his understanding of the nature of queerplatonic relationships may be a bit off, he's trying his best. Once you explain it a bit further, emphasizing that they're closer relationships than friendships, but not romantic and can vary widely in affectionate interactions, he is immediately is set on trying to start one with you. Luckily, though, you agree rather quickly.

• Despite him wanting many of your interactions and ways of showing affection to be more traditionally romantic, such as cuddling or going out on friendly dates, he won't cross any boundaries. Both because you're his closest, most prized relationship with another person, and because he can't think of many other people who would even be willing to enter such a relationship with him if he ever asked. Not that he'd want to ask anyone else. There's a reason why he immediately went to you. It's hard for him to describe it, though. Despite being a man of words, whenever he tries to explain why he feels like you are the perfect person for him to enter this queerplatonic relationship with, he stumbles heavily.

• His little ideal for this relationship is, essentially, the types of things he's read in the romance novels he has. Sure, a little bit of a twisted version of it, but at it's core it's the same. He wants to cuddle in a nice, safe, and warm room (while there's probably the screams of an extermination going on the background). He wants to go to restaurants (this man's a cannibal so check your food). He wants to do the cheesy move of handing you red roses and candy as a gift (do not ask how he was able to buy such an expensive brand, or where the two large, heavy trash bags came from or what they are filled with).

• He's going to be very, VERY protective of you. Almost, if not completely to an obsessive degree. He knows how Hell is. People want power, and he's powerful, and you are close to him. He's sure many people are going to go after you, in order to get to him. So, your little relationship is going to be as well protected of a secret as it can be, at first, until he believes he can properly protect you from any danger. And after the secret is out, he's going to be right by your side the entire time. Literally. Whenever he can be, he's next to you. Nobody, except maybe Vox or another pesky overlord, is going to try to hurt you as long as he is there. Even then, he could completely destroy them, anyways!

[flagellant]

Why can't you people be normal about slurs for 2 seconds

Just because YOU reclaimed and identify with something doesn't mean everyone else does. No one cares about you IDing as a queer or dyke or fag or whatever, people just don't want strangers to randomly assign them words that have historically been used as slurs.

Like, do you understand that people have had this word used against them by bigots? Do you understand that maybe, it's tasteless to get upset at people for having trauma regarding a word? Are you able to comprehend that maybe insisting people be okay with being called a word that means odd, spoiled, ruined or weird is not a good look?

I'm autistic and have a severe learning disability. I'm totally fine when people use the word retard, I call myself a retard, I don't care. But I'm sure as fuck not going to walk up to a bunch of other autistic people I barely know and go "lmao what is up my fellow tards!!!"

I'm not trying to start shit, I'm legitimately trying to understand why you find it appropriate to make fun of people, often victims of abuse or hate crimes, for being triggered by a word.

"I'm legitimately trying to understand why you find it appropriate to make fun of people, often victims of abuse or hate crimes, for being triggered by a word."

Gay is a slur. Lesbian is a slur. Homosexual is a slur. Every single word we have ever had has always either had its roots in cruelty and oppression or has been used against us by our oppressors. There is no term that is pure and clean and innocent and has never hurt anyone's feelings.

Let's disregard fag for now. That one's still in the process of reclamation, I'll admit. Let's just talk about queer. Queer has been the academic term for non-cisgender and non-heterosexual history for half a century now. Queer theory has been around for thirty years. Queer was the word which we shouted as a radical inditement of our treatment by our oppressors: "We're here, we're queer, get over it" and "Not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you" should both sound familiar to you.

And now it's 2012 or so and queer is known as the most inclusive term we have. It's less unwieldy than LGBTQIAAP+. It's not based in a necessity of defining yourself through your oppression like MOGAI. It's, important, a deeply private word. Not in the sense that it is used privately, but rather than it grants its user privacy. If you're queer, everyone instantly knows you're a part of the community, but you aren't being forced to out yourself or give more details about your personal life and identity than you want. It was always a word about identity.

TERFs hate this. TERFs hate this so much, because it's inclusive of people they hate, like asexual people, trans women, and other freaks of nature who society needs to put down like dogs. Queer means TERFs can't as easily define you as the Bad Other. Queer means TERFs will be recognized more easily as bigoted towards the larger queer communities. So, obviously, they do what anyone would, and decide to take advantage of the language of social justice warriors of the time and attack impressionable young kids from 13-16.

The average 13-16 year old doesn't exactly have much experience in real-life queer spaces. They don't get to go to rallies or protests, they don't stay at community centers, their lives are insular and based entirely online. Their understanding of social politics is inherently rooted in the importance of posting in the right language. Their activism is one which tweets correctly. So TERFs slid into their inboxes and went "Hey, just so you know, queer is actually a slur used to oppress people and it's problematic to use since some people have been called it".

And this works, because of course it does, and now I have people like you in my inbox bitching and whining about how queer is a slur and how you've been called queer once or twice in your life. To this I say: My apologies, but fucking suck it up and reclaim it. I don't care about traumatic events you have with queer. It has been reclaimed by the greater community and was done so long before you were born if you aren't literally 50, and more importantly, by giving queer validation as a slur, you actively give our oppressors that power over you. I'm not going to let my oppressors know that if they say an identifier for us meanly enough then we'll stop identifying as that word. I'm not giving the power to silence and repress who we are to people who would use it.

Anon, I respect you enough to say that people who consider my identity as a slur should get punched in the face, because alt-right fash cunts, pig cops, evangelical christians, TERFs, and hyperconservative political lobbyists all consider my identity as a slur. Why should I treat you any different to them? What about your specific treatment of queer as a slur ends up with a meaningfully different result? The neonazis on kiwifarms won't care why you're telling me to shut the fuck up about queer. They don't give a shit about why you're saying this. What they give a shit about is if it works and if calling people queer will get them to shut up and curl up in a little ball and admit defeat and hand them slurs on a silver platter. And I'm not about to live that sort of life, so either get with the program or fuck off.

[rosakuma]

Possible Parallels to Ace/Nico and Arei/Eden? Spoilers for Ch. 2

Okay so with the next episode approaching us fast, I wanted to get out this post that is something that could connect to the case via the similarities between Arei and Eden with Ace and Nico. This is a mixture of character analysis and theory through the eyes of Culptrit Eden view.

Note: Just because there similarities doesn’t fully cement that Eden is the culprit + I’ll be giving an interpretation on some parts that could be a possible connection. So take this subjectively 😋

Let’s get to our big meanies! To start out, let’s compare two of the biggest jerks of DRDT’s cast, Ace and Arei.

When it comes to their role as a bully to their respective target, both are different while being similar to their approach. Ace and Arei verbally bullyies Nico and Eden with insults or assumptions on them.

When it comes to Ace, his insults and assumptions are based off his own insecurities and paranoia on how others see him. While we still don't know what causes him to feel this way, we can see how this affects others like Nico and also bites him in the back with everyone hating him because of this.

Nico being the victim of these outbursts affects them hard to take things too far due to Ace’s behavior to them reminding them of unsavory memories in their past. Nico seems to had moments similar to what Ace would do of yelling at them for saying something wrong bluntly(though to them, they don't mean it in a bad way) or getting at them for either “Wanting Pity” or “Can’t defend themselves “. Knowing how Nico’s identity of being nonbinary has cause bullies to come after them with throwing rocks/mud at them or being accused of trying to get attention in a derogatory way, this is why Ace’s accusations towards them trying to get pity got to them hard. Enough to commit murder as while I don't think Nico before the killing game tried to kill their dad or any of their peers/teachers, I do think this reflects that Nico wishes they had power over them or maybe thoughts of harming them just to get back at them. Being able to have that temporarily over Ace, it was probably the first time they were able to take action back to others who treated them awful just for who they are as a person.

Getting back to Ace. Ace is aware of this behavior being too much when it comes to his anger, but still goes ahead with it regardless. Even though deep down, he wishes he both was and wasn't the things he claims Nico is. That someone would save him from this situation of the killing game/his self sabotage behavior and care about him. But he also doesn't want to let his guard down with being in this scary situation and refuses to let anyone talk shit to him to his face. That's why it hurt so much when his projection of this person being Levi was shattered the moment Levi reveals he does not care about anyone, including Ace who could live or die for all he cares. This is just speculation, but with this chapter showcasing everyone’s flaws or hints that there’s more to them. I believe Ace in a way like Arei, probably went through something to cause his paranoia on everyone thinking that he’s hot headed idiot and the need to “fight back” to show he’s not weak either. That no one really cares about him except for one person(Taylor) who’s presumably dead now. If I had to guess, it could relate to his talent of being a jockey in perhaps the competition would get to his head and knowing he can’t fail(maybe perhaps thanks to his family whether to disappoint them or fail to support them). Resulting in the Ace we know today as the hot headed all bark, but no bite jockey who doesn't care that his body is failing him as who’s going to care? He only got himself and he can’t go out until he dies on his own terms. He truly lives up to his secret quote of “I don’t know what to do with myself anymore” as he cannot figure out if he wants to just isolate and hurt himself in the process or to let others in to help him out and change this harmful behavior of his.

Going onto Arei, her way of bullying Eden is more out of a mixture envy and concern for her. Before we knew Arei was her manipulative self who would fake being nice and cry during ch.1 before revealing herself and started insulting others. After Min’s death in ch.2 we see how her feelings about what happened cause to her act out in this chapter.

When Eden was searching for her to have her join her clock activitity with her and Teruko, Arei burst out in disgust about this invitation. Eden confused as Arei wanted to join last activity, gets hit with Arei blaming her for Min’s death. For pretending to be all sad about Min dying, before returning to her usually happy self. Telling her that acting this way and trying to do these “friendship” bonding activities is just going to cause more people to die. And it’ll will be all your fault.

This pushes Eden to tears and she runs away. To where we get in the conversation with Arei, David, and Teruko that she reveals her world view. That thanks to her sisters, her life been hell. That she used to be a nice person who tried being kind to others, but that kindness was only met by hate and manipulative jerks who take their sick kicks out on her because they had more power over her. Arei had no one who cared about her or show her kindness, only those who taught her its a dog eat dog world and you better get with it if you want to survive.

In a way, her bullying towards Eden unlike Ace’s towards Nico is because in her own way, she’s trying to help Eden. Eden probably reminds Arei of her old self that she had to disregard to survive during her childhood to adulthood. She doesn't wish any actually harm on Eden, she just wants Eden to not end up hurting like she did. But at the same time while not enjoying making Eden cry over this, she does feel something towards her. Envy

Arei feels envious towards how someone like Eden can exist. That she can be kind in this cruel world and no one takes advantage of her for it. That she can be this way and not experience any hell that Arei did despite not wanting to always be this way.

This makes me feel the connection between Ace and Arei. Both are envious towards their victims with what they have that they never gotten. Both Nico and Eden have people who cared about them and doesn't think of them being less than who they are. They can be themselves in this killing game with no one taking advantage of them(well until I guess the David reveal but nevermind that). While these two are trying to survive in a terrible situation with their own survival instincts they develop to survive in the world before this game. Although Arei before her death was trying to break out from this, to where she was given a hand from both Eden and David. Arei wanted to change even if she thought she was far too gone too. To be a good person like Eden and David. Even when getting her view of them shattered with David being a crappy person, she was glad as she’s not alone. Arei is thankful that there is no bad or good person, that she can change to be less shitty as there’s no impossible standards to live up to achieve it. Though Ace never got to get this as he had no David or Eden to reach out for him, to realize that he may be a shitty person like everyone else, but he could change his ways.

Now you’re probably wondering “Where does Eden come into all of this?” “How does this possibly connects to her being the culprit?” The thing is since both our bullies here have connections in similarities of how they treat their targets and how both murders are similar in how they’re done. What about the targets?

As we established with Nico earlier, Nico was driven to murder Ace because Ace reminded them of their past trauma right? What if Eden did the same to Arei because she reminded her of her past? Full speculation on possible Eden lore based off the little tidbits we know.

Now I don't think how Arei bullied Eden was the reason why Eden would plan to kill Arei her especially since they made up. Rather I think the reason why Eden killed her is because of when they made up. Remember, this is just speculation, so take this with a grain of salt.

I think with Eden’s secret being “Ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships” is connected to Arei’s friendship towards Eden. Whether this girl in the past was actually Arei maybe during their time at Hope’s Peak or someone else, I think when Arei promised to be Eden’s friend brought back memories to her. To someone who promised to be her friend, to protect her, to do stuff with her like baking dumb cakes, and to be someone she could rely on. We can tell with how that secret sounds, it might’ve ended badly for Eden’s crush on this girl who she felt like she ruined their friendship with.

When Arei promised to be this type of friend to Eden for now on, it caused Eden to think back to her and that Eden didn't want to be attached to someone like that again. It was already painful enough to lose that person because of who she was, she doesn't want to relive what happened to her. So she rather cut off what could’ve been a beautiful friendship that has the potential of becoming more just to prevent the hurt of losing someone like that again. With being inspired by Nico’s murder attempt, Eden was able to have the idea to have her plan in action.

Along with this, I think this could explain Eden’s behavior throughout this chapter with how strange she’s been acting about Arei’s death during the investigation to trial. She does clearly care about Arei and wanted to be her friend, but she doesn't want to be too attached to feel regret. Maybe if Arei’s words about Eden being sad about Min and then returning to her cheery self means anything, Eden is trying to do that with Arei of showing grief for a split second before trying to focus on “solving” the case to avoid feeling responsible to her death. Eden does regret doing the murder if she is the culprit as shown how she is so hurt about how she could’ve been friends with Arei, how Arei wanted to change to be a better person, and that she doesn’t want anyone to think any less of Arei that she willingly killed herself. But unlike Nico, who was able to finally speak up for themselves and admit their wrongdoings of almost committing murder, to acknowledge that they are not the victim in this situation. Eden is instead hiding and doing what she always done, rely on others to help her because she is too weak to do so. Her fatal flaw that prevents her from acknowledging that she did wrong and isn’t the ideal good person that Arei looked up to. Unbeknownst to her that Arei already knew Eden wasn’t perfect as she seemed to be.

Also it would make Charles’ conversation with Teruko in thinking that the secret he got(Eden’s) is actually important to the case as tragic but also kinda funny foreshadowing.

Essentially to boil down the connections between both parties in a nutshell:

The bullies are individuals who went through a tough life that formed their way of survival and takes it out on those who they perceived weaker than them.

The targets have to rely on others to protect them or fight their battles(Nico doesn’t do this on purpose as Hu defends them whether they want her or not, but still it happens).

The murders done to the bullies were because the targets were reminded of their past, which pushed them to commit murder.

The murder method are the same with the pulley method and making it seem like a suicide.

The target’s secrets are related to their identity(Eden being a lesbian and Nico being nonbinary) With all of this being said, I think this is the best way I can come up with how Culprit Eden could work motive wise as one of the many reasons why people believe that she couldn’t be the murder is because of no motive we can think that makes sense for her to kill her new friend. Because to be honest I do believe that Eden is the culprit based off the evidence against her with most of the things(the tape, learning the method, the note, the clothes) connecting more to her than Ace. But only reason why I’m still not 100% sure in her being the culprit is the motive. But now if this is true, then this can cement that Eden Tobisa, the ulitmate clockmaker, is the murder of Arei Nageishi!

Anyways, this case can go either way and I just know we’re all going to be destroyed this Friday when the episode airs. One of our gays is going to be buried and there’s nothing we can do about it 🥲

[the-astrophel-system]

Why Alters Are All You, & The Formation Of DID

Tw for talk of abuse (implications to different types), trauma, unsafe caregivers, trauma responses, homophobia, and brief talk of death. We're talking about the formation of DID, childhood trauma, please be cautious if you continue.

Let's discuss what people say is the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder, its formation. The current leading theory is the Theory of Structural Dissociation (ToSD). Yes, we still need to know more about this disorder, but this is the current leading theory and was written by Ellert R. Nijenhuis, Kathy Steele, and Onno Van Der Hart. They took some research, ideas, and words from other authors and researchers, added their research and ideas, mixed it all together and presented us with the ToSD in their book: The Haunted Self.

Now, there are plenty of problems with the theory, and I know that Hart and other researchers you see in this field haven't been the best people. However, it is currently the leading theory. Colin A Ross spoke about numerous problems with the theory, but he even states that this theory is a significant contribution. While yes, it isn't perfect, and any scientific theory can and should be constantly improved on, its pretty damn good. What I understood from reading Ross' response, the understanding it gives us of DID is good, the issue is when it addresses other disorders, or lack there of. I will state, before going onto my point of the post, that Ross mentions that there is confusion of what counts as an emotional part (EP). In the sense of, how differentiated does an EP need to be, to count as a separate dissociated state?

I don't want to go into that all today, because I'm not a professional and cannot confirm what would count, at least in Ross' eyes.

What I want to talk about, is what the ToSD does give us, and why it explains that all parts/alters are You.

Now, I know I will get a lot of hate for this. So all I'll say is that: I'm willing to discuss this matter further, however I will not tolerate any insults, threats, belittlement, or any other kinds of hate. If you are mature, I'm open to discussion.

The ToSD states that everyone is born with ego states. These states are in charge of meeting specific needs. A child needs love, affection, food, comfort, sleep, etc etc. If a child is able to dissociate to a high level, has a disorganised attachment to their primary caregiver (which is inherently traumatic), and experiences repeated childhood trauma, they can potentially develop DID.

If a child experiences trauma, their brain is going to do its absolute best to protect them. They may fight, flight, or freeze (especially if it is repeated). Maybe all three. That child may subconsciously think that if they were a different gender, or a different age, or maybe if they were stronger or scarier, they could prevent this from happening to them. Maybe they felt like they deserved this pain, that they're an awful monster, or just a toy or an animal to their abusers. Maybe they just refused to accept this was happening to them because if it did, they would be dead.

Their brain will do anything it can to try and prevent and explain this trauma.

They may try to seek help from caregivers, but remember, in the case of DID, that child will have some kind of disorganised attachment. That child will not feel safe enough to tell them about this trauma, or if they do, they aren't supported in the way they need to heal and process. Maybe their caregivers are the source of this trauma, they have already tried to tell them to stop.

Nothing is working, this child is essentially trapped.

So, like I said earlier, this child's subconscious is working on overdrive and trying its absolute best to survive this. Dissociation is a very complex and extraordinary coping mechanism.

So the child pushes away the trauma, dissociating so chronically they disconnect to everything happening, and themselves. This dissociation is keeping those different ego states separated, preventing from them integrating during childhood. Instead, this dissociation basically creates amnesiac barries between each ego state. If that dissociation wasn't there, those states would try to integrate, but because some experienced trauma, they cannot harmoniously coexist. This is the differentiation between ANP's and EP's. ANP's (apparently normal parts) are the parts that are in charge of daily living, they are disconnected from any trauma. EP's (emotional parts) are the parts that remember or are connected to different traumas. EP's dont have to be emotional, it simply is to refer to the parts that are connected to trauma.

Anyway, mini ramble aside. ANP's and EP's are separated from each other, they still are aiming to meet certain needs for the child/person now. That's why it is so helpful or common for systems to catagorise alters into roles. Some parts are simply trauma responses, some exist to make friendships and connections, some have very specific roles/needs they meet, some alters exist to soothe, or protect, or whatever. They are still dissociated parts, aiming to meet needs.

All alters are still dissociated from each other, and some may believe they are the only one there, or the "original" because they are an ANP or host. Again there is not an "original" because the full personality was never whole to begin with. You started with different ego states, and you still are different ego states (obviously alters have grown and developed (but still not fully)).

So with that being understood, lets address the title of this post. All alters are You. Thinking about everything I have addressed for far, all alters are dissociated from each other, so what do you mean there can be a "You"? Again, I'm not talking about an "original", I'm talking about all aspects of the Self that is being dissociated from.

I used to find this fact absolutely ridiculous and hurtful and dismissing. But after starting to learn more about this disorder, working on self validation, and starting on trauma processing, it has made it so much easier to understand.

I, Virgil, am a part of Clem and Skye. Clem and Skye are parts of me. And this is the same for all alters. We are all different ego states that are dissociated from each other, from the Self.

So, what happens if we all fuse? And no, I'm not saying that's the only way to heal, I'm just trying to put this in perspective. If we all fuse, we would be dissociating so much less, we would be fused ego states and we'd create a fully formed and developed personality. We are all parts, and if we fuse, we create a whole.

A whole that we are no longer dissociating from. We will be the whole Self, the whole "You". We will not be dissociating from each other.

I cannot express this enough, fusions happen when you no longer need alters to be separated, they can exist harmoniously, they share emotions and thoughts and feelings and they are not dissociated from each other. There is no memory amnesia, or identity amnesia between them.

Again to clarify, all alters are dissociated ego states that grow and develop, and then if you all fuse, that is when the Self is no longer dissociated from. You'll finally be a complete You.

Another thing I want to address is differing opinions of alters. Let's use another hypothetical. Let's say you have like five different alters that are all queer in some way, but you have five that are cisgender and straight. Two of those cishet alters are homophobic and transphobic. So, if you all fuse, what will you identify as? While I cannot say anything for certain, I can take a big guess and say that no matter what you identify as, you may not be homophobic/transphobic. In this hypothetical, I'm assuming those alters have those beliefs because of things they experienced growing up. Internalised homophobia and all that. As you process trauma and become more accepting of yourself, and you fuse, I would guess those parts are no longer dissociated from that queer identity, whatever that identity may be.

I hope this makes sense. While alters can and do grow outside of trauma, those foundations are shaped because of the experiences of the child. Age, gender, opinions, personality, species, and even sexuality, can all be based and rooted in that trauma and experiences.

Healing from that trauma means reconnecting with the Self, whatever that looks like for you. It may not be the singlet persona many systems use, it may not be the host, it may be something different than what you originally thought. But it will be You and it will be right. It will be the Self that you've finally reconnected with.

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. TLDR: all alters are You, and if you fuse, you will reconnect with the Self that was originally being dissociated from.

small edit: it is okay if you aren’t ready to accept alters and trauma. but that doesn't change the fact that you're all dissociated parts ✌️

[meret118]

"When I open my Bible, I don’t see any verses about abortion, but I see more than 2000 verses about economic justice. I don’t see any verses about gay marriage, but I see hundreds of verses about welcoming the stranger and feeding the hungry and healing the sick and freeing the oppressed.”

The biblical truth of that message notwithstanding, groups like Evangelicals for Harris know that it’s not one that the bulk of conservative Christians will be able to hear. But in the context of this election, they are not trying to save the conservative church from itself; they are trying to elect Kamala Harris. “When people hear about what we do, they think that we are in the persuasion business, that we’re going around trying to argue Trumpers into a different political opinion,” says Ryerse. “That’s a misunderstanding of what we’re trying to do.”

Instead, the group recognizes that there have been “inflection points” — kids in cages, maybe, or Jan. 6, or Trump’s felony conviction, or former Vice President Mike Pence’s disavowal — that have caused Christians who have always voted Republican to “begin to undergo some kind of political identity crisis,” as Ryerse puts it. “What we’re trying to do is not persuade the 85 to 95 percent that are not flippable. What we’re trying to do is make it easy for the 5 to 15 percent that are already in the midst of that political identity crisis, to say, ‘Hey, you’re not alone. There’s an on-ramp for a different way of engaging.’”

. . .

For the conversations that aren’t lost causes, however, Pagitt treads far more lightly. He has come to understand the delicate psychology of a Trump voter who has lost or is in the process of losing the (political) faith. He knows that it can be a lonely and alienating experience, that people would often rather be wrong and in community than right and by themselves. He’s talked to people who’ve driven out of state to attend Vote Common Good’s rallies in secret because they own the local hardware store and don’t want to be driven out of business, or because they pastor a church and don’t want to alienate their parishioners in states so red that their votes won’t matter anyway. He understands the entrenchment that can happen when someone who thinks they’re doing the right thing is told by the larger culture that it’s horribly wrong, and he’s careful not to “beat up on Trump too much” for that very reason. “We know the social costs that people are paying and how they internally feel,” Pagitt says. “In their experience, they’re going from, ‘I was the hero when I did this behavior. Now I’m going to do the opposite behavior. How am I still the hero?’ You have to help people get there.”

Mainly, Vote Common Good does that by telling them that they are still heroes, that their heroism remains intact. “Part of our theory of change is that behavioral change happens before identity change,” explains Ryerse. “We’re not out here trying to make more Democrats. We’re trying to get people to behave differently, i.e., to vote differently. The permission structure is, ‘Listen, I’m not asking you to be a Democrat. I’m asking you not to vote for Donald Trump in this election.’ What it does is [say], you can preserve your identity and change your behavior.”

Once behavior changes, of course, there’s the possibility of changing identity as well.

----

Terrific article! I hate what conservatives have done to my faith. We're not all like that!

I'm so glad I happened to see this. It really lifted my spirits.

Use this site if you want to read it.

[dazii-kons]

reverse dc au but its not robins

You read that right! Let me introduce you to the most random, nonsensical swap AU,Despite the title, the Robins are in it, but they aren't the main focus.

.....Well, I guess Damian is a pretty big part of it, BUT here he was never a Robin, so I stand by my point.

Shadow Damian and Hopeflare Jon, partners in "crime" since they were Veil and Superboy, are on a mission to take down the last CADMUS base that’s left. Surprisingly, it actually is the only existing one (sorry, Match fans—he's not going to show up for a loooooong while).

They arrive to find a bloody mess and a broken environment. There’s no heartbeat, no sound of breathing, nothing any living person would make...except the sound of dripping blood.

Checking all the rooms, Damian finds the one where all the bodies seemed to have been escaping from, and inside, he finds... a mini version of his best friend???except he has curly hair styled in an undercut,his skin is tan and he's wearing a bloody hospital gown.

Thus comes Subject 13, aka Project Cm.Kh/S>sb(a metaphor for a CADMUS-made Kryptonian hybrid of Superman’s son beta), a clone of well ,Superman’s son made with the DNA of Hopeflare, Lex Luthor (who has a bit of techno-meta DNA from his mother), and an unknown human donor (Lois Lane), whose aging process has been stopped by an explosion. He’s stuck in the body of an 11-year-old, a skinny and fragile little boy with knowledge many historians could never dream of. And as a bonus, he comes with a stack of new, unknown powers—so fun!

Short story long, he gets out very quickly with no trouble,as if he wasnt fighting two jl leveled heros and uses the weird pink telekinesis like power (ttk) to make the building collapse. Oh, and also, he hates Jon and somehow knows Shadow's secret identity by just looking at him-not even his face ,that's masked, so it would still be weird, but not as much—but at his chest, more specifically the dark little “s” crossed by an “h” (which is Shadow's symbol).

The mini Jon, as they decided to call him, vanishes from existence for almost six months, making Damian almost convince his partner to stop looking because he’s ruining himself.

In this time, Kon—still choosing a last name—is having the nicest time of his life in the house of Tim Drake-Wayne (age 11) and two of his friends: Stephanie Brown (age 17) and Bernard Dowd (age 10).

Stephanie was kicked out for her addiction by her hero father. Still struggling with it, she was in a situationship with a villain whose name is unknown, but she has moved on from that, Currently, she is two months pregnant, and after a long talk with Tim (who's shockingly smart for a kid), she decided to keep the baby because, screw it, she /Tim/ has the money and enough time to give them a good life. She moved in with Tim because his parents wouldn’t notice anyway, considering they let an 11-year-old have an apartment and live alone. (Jack and Janet are neglectful, but they do love Tim and aren’t fanon.)

Bernard, who was found by Stephanie beaten to a bloody pulp and about to be sacrificed to some vultures, was practically forced to come live with them after Stephanie had one conversation with his parents and her 'soon-to-be-mom''fuck you bitch'' instincts kicked in.

They decided on the name Kon purely because Tim found footage of OG Superman calling that his cousin, Supergirl. That, and since it was the only Kryptonian word that sounded somewhat decent that was found in media, they went with it.

Tim is the protégé of Batman, the second Veil, and rarely goes out on missions since the big bat thinks he’s too young (as if Damian wasn’t 7 when he became Veil),But he still does, sometimes Catwoman and her own kitten, stray, join him

Stephanie is Lilac Arrow (currently looking for a new name, feeling like it’s too close to her father's, and she doesn’t admit it to him—not anymore) and is an ex-Speedy, an active vigilante since she plans to take a longer break of six months until the baby is at least two.

So Kon is finding himself with his friends, learning how to be a person with rights and a life to live.

The whole fic is just consumed by these three being besties as they get older, maybe with a sprinkle of TimBert childhood sweethearts, nonbinary Kon, Stephanie getting to raise her son, and Jon going batshitt about finding his little something that’s for sure related to him while Damian is just done.

Flaline is also there as Damian's emotional support, promising to kick Jon’s ass to take care of himself when he can’t. i prob make more of this au with other characters or of this exact scenario but idk,tell me what you think

[just-another-josh]

Money

Samantha Danvers was working in her office at the Lena Luthor Foundation when the company’s namesake abruptly stormed in.

“Alright, talk.”

Sam, clearly unfazed, didn’t bother looking up from her laptop. “Hello to you too.”

Lena huffed and rolled her eyes. “Hello, Sam,” she said impatiently.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Sam tapped a few keys, her eyes still fixed on the screen.

Lena stood rigidly with her thumbs in her suit-pant pockets, fingers beating an annoyed rhythm. “I want to know about the bet.”

Sam paused her typing; her jaw set tightly as she forced herself not to look at her boss. “What bet are you referring to?”

Lena scoffed, “Oh please, Samantha. Don’t insult my intelligence.”

Sam huffed out a defeated breath and turned to face Lena. “What did you hear?”

Lena stepped closer and placed her hands on Sam’s desk. “Since you, Kara, J’onn, and M’gann were off doing the hero thing last night, Alex, Nia, Brainy, and I went to Al’s. Halfway through the evening, Nia was updating us on the status of their house hunting and complaining about the home prices being exponentially higher the closer they got to the city. Brainy then made a very off-hand comment along the lines of ‘…if only we had won the wager…’, but before he could finish, Nia elbowed him in the ribs while your wife kicked him under the table. The rest of the night, they changed the subject anytime I brought it up.” Lena leaned in and eyed Sam with a laser-sharp gaze. “So, tell me, what were all of you wagering on and what does it have to do with me and Kara?”

Sam took on a mock-offended posture, an indignant huff pushing out of her nose. “Awfully presumptive. What makes you think…and this is not an admission…that the bet was about you and Kara?”

“Process of elimination,” Lena said, feeling insulted. “C’mon, Sam. Did you forget I am first and foremost a scientist? I asked Kara when I got home last night if she knew anything, and she said she didn’t-”

“How do you know she’s not lying?” Sam interupted, trying her damndest to hide her grin.

Lena looked at Sam in disbelief. “Because secret identity aside, when it comes to me, my girlfriend is a shit liar.”

Sam nodded. “Point conceded. Continue.”

Lena flashed Sam a smug grin. “This morning, I ran into J’onn and M’gann at the DEO and asked them about it. They suddenly remembered they had to go grocery shopping and flew out of the balcony before I could get another word in.” Sam began nervously rubbing the back of her neck. “So, add J’onn and M’gann to you and the other three idiots, with Kara and I being the only two not in on it, it stands to reason that the bet has to do with us,” Lena finished arrogantly.

Sam’s face twisted into a look of indignation. “Hey! What makes you think I’m part of this…this…conspiracy?”

A look of complete bewilderment fell over Lena’s face. Resigned, she shook her head. “If your wife’s in on it, that guarantees you’re complicit.” Lena’s stare drilled into Sam for emphasis.

The CFO deflated and shook her head. “Coluan asshat. I should throw him into the sun.” Lena’s lips twisted into a cocky smile. Sam looked at her watch and saw that it was just past four o’clock. “Fuck it. It’s five o’clock somewhere,” Sam mumbled as she motioned towards the brown couch behind Lena. “Have a seat, I’ll get the drinks.”

Lena headed towards the couch, dropping her clutch on the coffee table and unbuttoning her coat. She had no sooner sat down before a tumbler filled with scotch was in her hand courtesy of Sam and her super-speed. Sam, taking a sip from her glass, had already settled on the other side.

Lena allowed her friend to indulge in a few sips silently before throwing an expectant look at her CFO. “Waiting.”

Sam took a long draw from her drink and rolled her neck, an audible crack resulted. She let out a long breath and sank further into the couch. “The bet had to do with when you and Kara were going to hook-up.”

“Hook-up, hook-up or start dating?”

“It wasn’t specified, but we all assumed since Kara is a complete Pollyanna, the two would run parallel to each other.” Sam took a drink to hide a knowing grin.

Lena chose to ignore Sam’s veiled implication that she was more morally flexible than her girlfriend, the look on her face instead remained banal. “What were the terms.”

Sam cleared her throat and shifted into executive mode. “The over/under was six months. No minimum buy-in and you could add additional money to the pot at any point, but you couldn’t change the time period you originally bet on. The pot would be split evenly amongst the winners. People were allowed to subtly try and influence the two of you but were not allowed to blatantly interfere.”

Lena tapped her finger on her chin. “Six months…when did the bet begin?” 

“At me and Alex’s wedding reception.”

Lena quickly did the math in her head; she and Kara had announced that they were a couple four months after the wedding. Lena hummed to herself but remained stone faced. “Whose idea was it?”

“Winn.” Sam said without hesitation, not feeling an ounce of remorse for throwing him under the proverbial bus. “Apparently, he watched you two have ‘an emotionally charged moment’ that convinced him your relationship was heading in the direction of more than platonic.”

“For god’s sake. We were crying and hugging. There was nothing remotely romantic about it,” Lena grumbled.

Sam raised her hands in mock surrender. “Hey, me and Alex were about to take off for Argo. I’m just quoting what he said.” Lena clenched her jaw but didn’t respond. “Whatever Winn saw encouraged him to make a beeline for Nia and Brainy and…well…the rest is history.”

Lena took a sip of her scotch before resting her elbow on the back of the couch, placing her head lightly on her fist. “So, what did the pot get up to?”

“Thirty-six grand,” Sam quietly said.

Lena abruptly sat up; her eyebrows comically raised. “Holy shit! How many people were in on this?”

Sam seemed to shrink into her seat. “A lot?” she said with a sheepish look on her face.

“Names, Samantha. I want names,” Lena ordered in a playful variation of her boardroom voice.

“Okay,” Sam grumbled in defeat. With a burst of super-speed, Sam was back on the couch with her laptop, furiously typing away.

Lena chuckled. “Of course they put you in charge of the bookkeeping.”

“Well, I am the only corporate accountant in our circle of friends…so…duh.” Sam shook her head in faux disgust. Lena remained silent while Sam tapped away at her keyboard, opting instead to take a few more sips of her drink. Before Lena had time to enjoy the satisfying burn, Sam indicated she was finished. “Ok, so, you already know about me, Alex, J’onn, M’gann, Brainy, Nia, Winn…there was Lois and Clark-”

“What?” Lena interrupted. “They don’t even like me.”

“Actually, Clark likes you a lot. He says Lois still has trust issues with you, but he suspects she has a bit of a gambling problem, so…”

Lena arched her eyebrow. “Good to know.”

Sam shrugged. “Eliza, Alura and Zor-El-”.

“Really? That seems very un-Kryptonian.” Lena interjected.

“Alex and I said the same thing when Eliza told us they were onboard, but I guess Alura jumped at the chance to throw in after Eliza broke it down for her during their weekly call.”

“Hold on, Eliza and Alura talk every week?” Lena said, a hint of trepidation in her voice.

“Yup,” Sam said with a pop. She smiled diabolically. “Good luck with that.”

Lena gave an imperceptible nod as she started fidgeting with her glass; distracted by the implications of a weekly discussion between Kara’s “moms”.

“Where was I?” Sam mumbled as she scanned for where she left off. “Ah, there we are. Jess, Cat Grant, Andre-”.

“That zrhykhig!” Lena blurted out. “That’s why she’s been throwing herself at me like a bitch in heat since the wedding.” Her anger continued to swell as pieces of the puzzle fell into place. “She took the over, didn’t she? Of course, she did. I don’t even know why I’m asking. I’m sure she thought the best way to keep me and Kara apart was to con me into fucking her.” Waves of violet energy began cascading over Lena’s hands. “Swear to Rao I’m going to find a spell that’ll undo the nose job she got for her sweet-sixteen.”

Sam looked up from her laptop nervously. “Whoa, slow down there, Elphaba. There’s no need to mutilate her face.” Sam fixed Lena with a disapproving glare that seemed to calm her down; the magic arcing over her hands dissipated. “To answer your question, yes, she took the over. Now, are you going to stop interrupting me so I can get through this list?”

“No, I’m not,” Lena said defiantly.

“Worth a shot,” Sam mumbled to herself. “Next, we have Barry and Iris West-Allen-” Sam shot a hand up to stop Lena before she interrupted. “Yes, I know you just met them a month ago at his birthday party. Just a heads up, the rest of this list is comprised of people you first met at said party, but please bear in mind they’ve all known Kara for years.”

Lena closed her mouth and mimicked zipping her lips shut.

“Thank you.” Sam nodded, momentarily relieved. “As I was saying, Barry and Iris, Ray and Nora Palmer, Sara and Ava Lance-”.

“Wait, Sara Lance?” Lena threw a knowing smile at her friend.

“Yes.”

“White Canary?”

“Yes.”

“Wasn’t she the one that…”

“Yes.”

“With Alex…”

“Yes.”

“The one you threatened to…”

“Yes! Can we please stop talking about the woman my wife had a one-night stand with?” 

Lena snorted several times as she tried to contain her laughter.

Sam, fuming, returned her attention to the list. “Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow, Mick Rory-”

“The big guy that sat in the corner, finished off two cases of beer, and spent the entire night grunting at everyone?” Lena asked with a puzzled look on her face.

“That’s the one.” Sam perked up. “And finally…Kate Kane.”

Sam swore she heard Lena growl. “The short-haired brunette that was all sauced up and kept getting handsy with Kara?”

“Yes. Most people just call her Kate…or Batwoman.” Sam could see a vein beginning to protrude from Lena’s forehead. “For the sake of context, she started flirting with Kara after placing her wager. I think she was pulling the same move as Andrea.” Sam reached across the couch and patted Lena’s knee reassuringly. “So, maybe don’t go all Jigsaw on her?” Sam appealed.

Lena’s posture softened, but she seemed to somehow look both perplexed and astonished at the same time. “I just don’t understand how all these people, that I’ve spent a grand total of less than two hours with, felt confident enough to wager on when Kara and I would get together.”

“Pretty simple, really. They spent more than five minutes in the same room with you two,” Sam plainly stated.

Lena leveled Sam with a look of utter confusion. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Sam’s mouth fell agape, absolutely stunned.  “Oh, honey. You two were the paragons of sexual tension. Anyone with eyes could see it plain as day. You should have seen all the confused looks I got from people when I told them you two weren’t dating.”

I light dusting of pink spread across Lena’s face, and she fondly smiled. “Paragons of sexual tension?” After a moment of consideration, she conceded, “Accurate.”

Sam let Lena stew in her embarrassment a few moments longer, taking great pleasure in watching her oldest friend squirm. Using her super-speed, she refilled their drinks, and, clearly out of patience, burst out, “So are you going to ask me, or what?” Lena titled her head questioningly. Sam sighed out of sheer frustration. “Don’t you want to know who won?!?”

Lena startled and nodded emphatically. “Yes, of course, yes. Please, tell me.”

“There were only three winners.  Eliza, Jess, and…me.” Sam smiled pompously while doing a celebratory jig.

Lena, looking completely unsurprised, grinned warmly. “Eliza…no shock there. That woman can read her daughters like an open book. Jess…well I guess you could say she had a front row seat from day one.” She paused as she reminisced. A tender smile spread across her face; she focused on Sam with a curious glint in her eyes. “So, how did you know?”

Sam, pretending to take offense, gasped. “Aside from years of watching you two longingly eye-fuck each other?”

Lena snorted into her glass as she tried to take a drink, inadvertently causing some of the liquid to splash on her face. A deep blush settled over her cheeks as she wiped at her now damp face. “Yes, aside from that,” she said through a coughing chuckle.

Sam’s grin at Lena’s antics was slowly replaced by a look of melancholy. She methodically swirled the contents of her tumbler, seemingly transfixed by it. “Honestly, everything came into focus while you two were fighting.” Lena abruptly stopped her efforts to dry her face, instead focusing on Sam with a forlorn look on her face. “That year you spent apart…I watched you both flounder; you were both just going through the motions…lost. Neither one of you was whole. As cliché as it sounds, you two really are stronger together; El Mayarah in the flesh.” Sam paused to take a drink. Lena’s eyes became glassy, a slight tremor in her hands barely visible. “When it happened, I remember thinking about everything you two had accomplished together: you sent the Daxamites packing, beat Reign and saved me, stopped Lex and Red Daughter from basically taking control of the country…and handled all the other little disasters in-between. When you two finally reconciled you were able to prevent Leviathan from taking over the world and then stopped Lex from killing two-thirds of the population on Earth; and that was before you two had had a chance to work through your shit.” Sam grew more passionate as she continued, “To this day, I firmly believe that if we would’ve beat your fuckhead brother before he trapped Kara in the Phantom Zone, you two would’ve been married by now.” Lena tilted her head and lightly shrugged, silently recognizing the possibility. “I felt the same way when we got her back from that hellhole, but then Nyxly was there and threw a wrench into everything; Lex rearing his ugly bald head again was just the cherry on top.”

Lena let out a frustrated sigh as she reflected on that tumultuous time in their lives. A modicum of tears rolled down her cheeks as her body reacted viscerally to the unpleasant memories.

“Shit, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to upset you…I promise there is a point to this walk down nightmare lane,” Sam said as she reached across the couch and placed her hand over Lena’s to reassure her; Lena lightly patted the top of Sam’s hand in acknowledgement of the tender gesture. “What I’m trying to point out is that the reason you two didn’t get together after you reconciled was not by choice. It wasn’t about missed opportunities; it was the fact that you two never got a chance to breathe long enough to explore how you felt about each other. I knew with absolute certainty that once things died down, you two would end up getting that opportunity. So, when Nyxly and Lex fucked-off to the Phantom Zone, I had the utmost faith that you two would be swapping spit, and other bodily fluids, in very short order,” Sam flashed a brilliant, mischievous smile. “Hence, why I took the under.”

Lena grinned through her tears, and squeezing Sam’s hand she quietly said, “Thank you for never losing faith in me…in us.”

Sam scooped Lena into a tight hug, her chin rested over Lena’s shoulder. “Oh, sweetie. I love you and Kara so much. All I’ve ever wanted for you two is to be happy…well, together, and happy.”

They squeezed each other tighter, giggling into each other’s shoulders.

“I think we need to switch to a lighter topic,” Sam said through a choked-up laugh.

They broke up their hug, both futilely trying to save their mascara as they wiped the tears from their eyes.  “I totally agree. Did you have something in mind?” Lena managed to sniffle out.

“Actually, I do.” There was a hint of nervousness in Sam’s voice. Lena picked up on it and noticed that her friend was fidgeting with her hands.

Lena scoffed, “Oh, Christ. Now what?”

Sam anxiously cleared her throat. “Weeelll, there might be one more wager that hasn’t been settled yet.” Sam did her best to avoid looking at Lena, instead focusing on her suddenly very interesting hands.

Lena’s eyebrow rose ever-so-slightly. “This should be good,” she deadpanned.

“So, after it was confirmed you two were officially dating, a second bet was made on who made the first move,” Sam said hesitantly.

Lena was a picture of stoicism. “I see. And what’s the pot on this one?”

“Forty-five thousand.”

Lena’s eyebrows shot up. “For fuck’s sake, Sam. It’s been a week since we told everyone!”

Sam embarrassedly smiled. “Yeah, a lot of people are trying to recoup their losses.”

“I feel like there’s a teachable moment regarding the evils of gambling somewhere in there, but…,” Lena drifted off, clearly indifferent to their plight.  She leveled an inquisitive look at Sam. “So, Mrs. Danvers, which pony did you back?”

Sam slammed back the remainder of her drink and placed the empty tumbler on the coffee table. She timidly met Lena’s eyes and weakly smiled. “Kara.”

Lena’s brows furrowed at Sam’s admission. She let her CFO suffer through a dramatically awkward silence before responding, “Et tu, Brute?”

Sam shrugged. “Lena, I mean this with all due respect, but you are the very definition of ‘useless lesbian’.”

“Useless bisexual,” Lena quickly corrected.

“Oh, please. Jack and James were total beards!” Sam cackled.

Lena’s eyes narrowed as she glared at Sam in reproach. “No comment,” she said sternly.

Sam was now laughing so hard her side hurt. Lena took a heavy swallow of her drink and regarded her friend with an icy stare.

Her impatience building, Lena opted to change the subject. “Speaking of James, I noticed he wasn’t on the list of participants.”

Sam took a minute to regain her composure and even out her breathing. “He felt it would be inappropriate to wager on when his ‘ex-girlfriends’ would hook-up.”

“What does he mean, ‘ex-girlfriends’? Kara never even went on a date with him. They kissed twice…the first time he was being controlled by Myriad.” Lena was clearly appalled.

A look of shock climbed across Sam’s face. “Shut the fuck up! I never knew that…oh my god, Alex doesn’t even know about that!”

“I can’t believe I slept with that narcissistic prick.” Lena snorted angrily at the memory.

Sam loudly clapped her hands, breaking Lena’s reverie. “Well, I’m glad we could clear that up. Now, fess up. Who jumped first?”

Lena remained silent and studied Sam for a moment, the CFO was practically bouncing in her seat in anticipation. After what seemed like an eternity (to Sam at least), Lena slammed back the remainder of her scotch and set the empty tumbler on the coffee table. A devious grin on her lips, Lena stood and began fastening the buttons on her jacket. “Thank you for the drink and for the conversation. It was rather stimulating.” Lena retrieved her discarded clutch from the table and moved to exit Sam’s office.

Sam quickly realized that Lena was going to leave her hanging and sprung to her feet. “Oh, hell no! You’re not flaking out on me now, Luthor!”

Lena didn’t slow her pace. “I’ll see you at Game Night on Friday. Don’t forget, you and Alex are on snack duty this week.”

Sam used her super-speed to position herself between Lena and her office door. “Please, Lena! Just tell me. Alex bet on you, so it doesn’t matter who made the first move, I win either way,” Sam grabbed Lena by the arms. “C’mon Lena, Alex and I could use the money to do that add-on to the house and take the trip to Aruba we’ve been talking about for years.”

“Oh please, you just got back from honeymooning on Argo.”

“Yeah, but that was four months ago…and Argo doesn’t have crystal blue waters…and sandy beaches…and clear, sunny skies…and…and drinks with little umbrellas in them…” Sam was pleading, well, more begging at this point.

Lena gave Sam a piteous smile, cupped Sam’s cheek, leaned in, and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Love you, sweetie.” She separated from Sam’s grip and exited through the office door. Sam helplessly watched as Lena disappeared behind the shutting door.

“Fuck!” she bellowed into the empty office. Sam rushed over to her desk and retrieved her phone, quickly bringing up her wife’s contact.

MyBrownEyedGirl: The jig is up! Boss Lady was just here. She knows everything!

BigRed: Fuck! I knew Brainy shit the bed last night. What did you tell her?

MyBrownEyedGirl: EVERYTHING!!!

BigRed: Oh.

BigRed: Wow.

BigRed: How’d she handle it?

MyBrownEyedGirl: Typical Lena.

BigRed: Shocker.

BigRed: Did you ask about the other thing?

MyBrownEyedGirl: YUP

BigRed: AND???

MyBrownEyedGirl: Typical Luthor.

BigRed: Again, shocker. Plan B: I’ll load Kara up on potstickers, ice cream, and Aldebaran Rum. I guarantee she’ll talk when I’m done with her.

BigRed: Don’t worry, baby. We’re getting that new rec room AND our trip.

MyBrownEyedGirl: Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you throw around all that Big Dick Energy?

BigRed: Yes, but you can remind me again tonight.

MyBrownEyedGirl: With pleasure. Rubes is staying at her friend’s house tonight. I’ll get out the big strap.

BigRed: Fuck, I love you!!!!

MyBrownEyedGirl: Love you too, red.

MyBrownEyedGirl: Oh, one more thing. I need a favor from you.

BigRed: Name it.

MyBrownEyedGirl: Please remind me to call Nia and tell her she needs to find a new baby-daddy, because I’m going to throw Brainy’s dumb-ass into the sun!!!

[lycandrophile]

I’ve been struggling for a long time (almost 5 years now) over whether or not I’m trans. At this point I’m think I might be, but I’m terrified of loosing all the stuff I love about womanhood. The friendships, the clothes, but mainly being able to call myself a lesbian.

I think I really need to confront my gender, but I don’t know if it’s worth loosing all of these things that mean the world to me, advice?

fun fact: you don’t have to lose any of those things to be trans!

your friendships don’t have to change. sure, if you get to a point where you pass as a guy / are seen as not-a-girl in some way, new people might treat you differently and approach friendship with you differently, but the friendships you already have won’t have to change at all. absolutely nothing about my friendships changed when i came out; there’s no way of being friends that’s exclusive to women. and if a friend does treat you differently just because you’re trans? that’s on them, and it honestly might be a sign that you’re better off without them anyway.

you can wear all the same clothes you do now. my wardrobe hasn’t changed at all since i came out. i’ve always chosen my clothes just based on what is most comfortable for me, so i’ve been perfectly happy keeping all of my old clothes. my body and the way other people see me were the things i felt the need to change, not my clothes. i might not have the most masculine wardrobe ever, but it’s what i’m comfortable in and that’s the important part. if anything, being trans just expanded my wardrobe instead of changing it — i kept wearing all the things i always liked, but i also started to look in the men’s section and found even more things that i like wearing.

and you don’t have to stop calling yourself a lesbian just because you’re trans. it’s one thing if being trans also means the label doesn’t feel like it fits anymore, but if it still feels right? you can keep using it as long as you like. nonbinary lesbians and transmasc lesbians and lesboys and trans men whose love for women still feels gay and people whose only remaining connection to womanhood is the fact that they’re lesbians and multigender people who are lesbians because of their womanhood while also being other genders and people whose genders are just butch or femme or dyke and nothing else all absolutely exist, as do trans guys who don’t personally call themselves lesbians anymore but remain part of the community because it still just feels like their home; you’d be far from the first person to transition while holding onto an identity that’s still meaningful to you, even if it sounds contradictory to other people.

i’ve gone through similar processes of trying to reconcile newly discovered parts of my identity with the parts i’d already accepted, and you’d be surprised how often the answer to the dilemma is just “i guess i’m both, unless/until i decide one of them doesn’t feel right anymore.” i don’t talk a lot about my specific identities on here but they’re full of so-called contradictions. the thing about queerness is that it’s never been about making our identities “make sense” or “sound right” to other people. queerness is automatically looked down on by most people as wrong or unnatural or confusing or just completely unintelligible, and the job of queer people is not to make them more intelligible but to embrace them despite the fact that most people think we’re ridiculous for doing so. the only person your identity has to feel right to is you; no one else matters.

any shift in identity is going to feel like a massive change when your old identity is one you lived in for a long time and grew attached to, but being a big change doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a loss. of course, if it feels right to let go of some of the old to make room for the new, do that, but never feel obligated to do so. if you aren’t ready to let go of something associated with your old identity yet, let those things stick around while you welcome the new stuff in and see how they get along. you aren’t on any kind of timeline; you can take the transition slow and only let go of things once you feel absolutely sure that they aren’t serving you anymore, even if that means never letting go of some of the things other people say you should want nothing to do with. some of us are happiest when we embrace identities and ways of moving through the world that make absolutely no sense to anyone but us.

so my advice is this: don’t run away from this. it’s not fair to yourself to live your entire life in a limbo space of perpetually agonizing over your identity but never doing anything about it. the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to explore these feelings in their entirety, rather than only focusing on the things they might take away from you. i know it’s scary, but i guarantee you’ll come out happier on the other side no matter what you end up identifying as. knowing more about how you want to be seen and how you want to live life is only going to help you be more satisfied with the life you’re living — you can’t be happy if you never give yourself the space to learn what being happy means for you.

if, at the end of it all, you do end up letting go of some of the things you feel attached to now, it’ll only be because you found something that makes you even happier and feels even more right. and if you don’t? you can live the rest of your life holding onto all of the things you love about womanhood without actually/entirely/only being a woman! there are no rules; gender and queerness have no limits except for the limits of how far you’re willing to go to truly know yourself.

[66sharkteeth]

How does Lyss feel about Rex dating her blank? And how do surviving people in general tend to feel about people having relations with their blank even if they support blanks?

Hm, well first off, *most* people don't actually live to have feelings about their blank. The majority don't survive the face stealing process, and even less have blanks roaming around freely (blanks are far more likely to get caught if their face survives since it means there were probably witnesses around to save them).

Ofc how they feel varies from person to person. Lyss even expressed earlier in the comic that it unsettled her that a copy of her (Bell) is out there running around with part of her identity. Of course, that changed over time and now she only wants the best for Bell.

As for how she feels about specifically Rex and Bell... Bitter sweet. She's happy for Bell and finds some solace in knowing that Rex can love her in a way, but obviously a bit sad it can't be the version that is her. But she recognizes that there's just too many scars in their relationship to have anything beyond platonic at this point, from both sides to be clear. Ik we always talk about how badly Lyss wronged Rex, but he wronged her in plenty of ways too. They've both seen ugly sides of each other that they can forgive, but not forget, so I think she's happy they can be friends, but accepts that they both burnt the bridge towards being anything more. She's just happy they can rebuild a bridge towards friendship. As for Bell, she honestly isn't jumping up and down with happiness for her, but it's definitely not bitterness and mostly still being a little sad over her burnt bridge. But over time (supposing they all get out of this alive) as she rebuilds her bridge with Rex, I think she can learn to be truly happy for Bell's.

On a more personal note... The last thing I wanted was Lyss and Bell to be any kind of rivals over.......Rex of all things. I think a lot of people expected that to happen, that there'd be this weird love triangle and that Lyss was gonna be all mad about Bell "stealing" Rex or w/e but I really didn't wanna do that to either character lol. They're both deserve better than going down that route lol.

[simplepotatofarmer]

Blog Update:

Hi, it's me, Loyal.

I just want to say first and foremost, I really do love (parts of) the fandom and I'm not going anywhere.

I will, however, not be around as much. One, I'm about to enter an all day intensive treatment plan so I'll literally just be on in the evening. Two, as much as I'm going to keep writing and creating, I have no intention of interacting publicly with fandom as much as I have.

I can't. It's actually fucking insane that it's gotten to this point. I made tribute post and because I used lyrics from Dream's song, I got harassed. The people doing this, acting like this, thinking this way are insane.

So in case it's not clear: Based on my personal lived experience and some information that's come to light, I still enjoy Dream's content. You can approach me personally, off anon, if you want to know my reasoning. If you dislike me for this, that's fine. But I'm done trying to walk this fine line just so I don't get people threatening me, my kids, and my pets. Just so people stop sending me the city I live in, so they stop digging up twelve year old tweets, so they stop calling me slurs and suicide baiting me.

That's absolutely insane. It's horrible. It's disgusting and I was honestly just sitting here, taking it, because I'm terrified of upsetting people and losing friends if I say 'yeah, I'm excited for a new manhunt and I also this song helped me and my kids process my grief'. And the worst part is, it's not an unfounded fear. People have done the most vile shit to me. People I thought were friends jumped on me instead of those harassing me.

I just want to post about Techno and c!Rivals duo and not worry about whether or not this post is going to get me hate. I don't want to worry about how random discord servers are talking about me.

Because that's fucking batshit. Not the worrying, but what these people are doing and I'm tired of letting this effect me. I have enough going on in my personal life. My partner of 15 years almost died. We almost lost our house. I should be able to come online and post about the silly minecraft guys I like and their RP and lore without censoring myself out of fear of literally being doxxed and cyber stalked. I should be able to talk about the racism that effects me without being afraid people will make it about cc drama or calling me slurs or erasing my identity as an Ojibwe person.

The people doing this are the problem. It hurts that so many people are part of this, it really does. But I can't keep letting it get to me. I've always done my best to be kind. I haven't been perfect, especially not lately, because all this hate and stress has gotten to me. I've lashed out. I shouldn't have.

And I shouldn't have had to deal with all that shit in the first place. I hope no one else does. It's terrifying and draining and I'm done.

So I intend to post the things I enjoy, I intend to reblog my friends' art, write the Emerald duo and Rivals duo fics I want to. I want to post about the Syndicate and the new manhunt when it comes out. That's what I'm going to do.

Asks are staying off for the moment because people are too happy to make burner blogs but I'll probably turn them back on at some point as I love answering lore and headcanon questions and, again, it's fucked up I can't enjoy an aspect of the site and fandom because people can't just leave me alone.

To those people: Get help. You're harassing someone because you think they deserve it and that's the most fucked up thing.

To everyone else: So so many of you have been amazing. You've been supportive, you've been kind. That kindness and support speaks volumes and I love you all. I genuinely love you. Dreblr, you've been here for me for over a year at this point and I cannot thank you enough. You are the best part of fandom as far as I'm concerned. And to Dtblr, y'all have come to support me countless times and that means the world to me, it really does. As for all my fellow Rivals duo fans, you people are worth your weight in gold for the joy you bring. A special shout-out to @vpofcookies because you've been here since the beginning, practically, and I love you. There's more but you know who you are.

Anyway, I've been carrying this for awhile and I'm tired. I'm no longer going to give any amount of thought to the people determined to drag me down and harass me constantly.

My best advice is stop focusing on the things and people you hate and instead focus on what you love. That's what I plan to do, from here on out.

[thegreencooler]

Amends

I don't usually dip my toe in the drama pool. At least not too deeply. But what's going on in fandom this week, the revelations, were extreme. The people who have come forward... they were in a cult. I am not being overdramatic about this. Gamifying harassment, forcing disconnections like Scientology, needing everyone to observe the same talking points or risk ostracism, leadership using it for money, criminal behavior towards those The Guru has deemed the Out-Group including members who don't conform heavily enough... That's a cult. The internet has made cult behavior REALLY easy. Likes and engagement make you suddenly aware of which direction your circle is leaning. If you agree, YOU TOO GET POINTS. You too will experience that sense of belonging, and that's what it's all about. So if your circle is being outright mean... if you don't want to be cast off as "not one of them"... maybe you say the mean thing too, even if it's a lie, even if you're not really sure why you're saying it. That approval feels SUPER GOOD and is addictive. And your circle amps each other up, gets meaner and meaner. The only people who stay in the in-group are those who don't speak up about the bad behavior and are willing to keep going along with it. Those aren't friendships. It's a pack of hungry carnivores. It's the same behaviors police gangs use on cops who speak up. I do have some sympathy, especially for the younger people who were still forming their identities. They were victims of indoctrination and criminal harassment. That said, they have to own their own behavior. I hope they learn and grow. They're going to have to have some self-reflection on what they've done, the lies told, the hate, the virulent -isms that were expressed, and literal crimes that were performed in the name of fitting in and winning some points with the clique. They're also going to have to reassess who their out-group is, why they even NEED an out-group over fandom things, and if there are still people in their schema who they have an impulse to hate for no reason.... because of a ship or actor preference. They're going to have to question all the lies they were told and if they are still holding onto hate based on that. That's hard if they aren't even sure what the lies were. It's going to be a process for them. We should give people the space and grace to get better. To deprogram themselves. But this does not mean there needs to be automatic forgiveness. Nobody needs to like anyone. But nobody needs to hate anyone either. Maybe the middle ground is we can grow some indifference or the ability to say, "I'm letting it go, this person is in progress, I can't control their journey, the ball is in their court."

If you were behaving badly, you've earned the suspicion of the people you hurt. A few of you are expressing amends, which is wonderful. But part of the thing with making amends is that you don't get to control the outcome. You make a genuine apology for EXACTLY what you've done, you own your part in it, and you don't make excuses... and from there, people may accept what you've said and they may not. They may forgive you immediately, they may take time, they may never forgive you. You have to learn to be good with that. It can be uncomfortable, to feel disliked, ESPECIALLY if the reason you got into the cult was because of that sense of belonging. Your impulse may be to keep giving explanations of how the group influenced you, to distance yourself. You may tell yourself, "I'm not that person, this isn't really me, it was the group." You want to be seen as CHANGED - virginal and new because you made the hard choice to finally leave the cult. ...It isn't that easy. You want the space and grace and you should get that. But guess what? You need to give that to others, too. You need to understand that people have real reasons to distrust you if you were exhibiting cruelty. And part of doing the work to make amends is the actual work. If you're serious about it, it means a lot of difficult self-reflection. You need to take an unflinching look at WHY you could ignore or participate in racism and lord knows plenty of other -isms, why outright defamation and death threats to actors and other fans were okay, why doxing people and trying to get them fired was seen as fair game, why trying to make someone feel hated and terrible about themselves was your impulse, why you were giggling and congratulating yourself for leaning into your worst impulses...until the group turned on you. Because that's the truth of the situation. You now have that self-knowledge of what you're willing to participate in. The question now is what are you going to do with that? I hope it includes therapy and I don't mean that glibly. I think it's possible there are some internet addictions going on where people crave the rush of getting Likes and engagement... and ragefarming is the best way to get engagement. If that's true... it will be EXTREMELY easy to move from the space of performing FOR the cult to performing AGAINST them, so that you can maintain your hit of Likes. And that is just sitting in the same behaviors. But if you're serious about getting better, if you're serious about being honest with yourself, you're going to need to fight against those inclinations. Please ask yourselves if you truly feel your apologies and want to change...or if maybe some part of you is just posting your attempt at amends because you want to fit in with those leaving or because you're craving that approval. Leaving is great! But are you getting the same psychological hit from your posts now? Are you trying to collect a new group that will lovebomb you because you're seeking self-esteem and miss the people who used to give it to you? I'm not saying this in judgment, I'm saying it because many people go from one cult or MLM to another, seeking that same sense of belonging. That's not my wish for you.

To the people on the other side of this... I'm not saying not to speak up if you see people slipping or people whose apologies are revealed as false words. I'm not trying to tone police people getting angry. There have been real reasons to be angry. HOWEVER... please be aware that if we want people to actually learn and grow we need to give them room to do that. There's nothing wrong with a really direct "This is really shitty and unkind behavior." Going scorched earth every time isn't the way. Is it our responsibility to motivate them to change, is it on us? Absolutely not. But are our actions going to unintentionally make them more likely to try and find a gang again because they're feeling defensive? If we also truly want to make things better, we have to ask ourselves what our goal is. Do we just want to give a tongue-lashing because we're angry? We might. And that can be justified sometimes in life. But cornered people don't often make great decisions. If what we want out of this is for people to be less terrible - there are ways to call people in and out, firmly and not sugarcoated, while still not going on the attack.

To the people who finally spoke up, you should be proud of yourselves for that. You took the first step. I hope you keep walking forward.

If you actually read to here... holy crap, I apologize. Many, many words, but I wanted to put them all down somewhere instead of continuing to overthink it at 3:30am. I do want to say... this is just my perspective. If it came off as trying to tell you how to do or feel, or like I think I'm perfect? Nah, kids. I'm a fallible screw-up, too, who is often "cringe," as the children say. We can all work on ourselves. At least that's the hope. If we're open to it.

Anyway. Love y'all, TGC

[fantasyinvader]

Part of the discourse, I believe, is rooted in Byleth being Schrodinger's Player Character. Who is Byleth supposed to be: their own character or an avatar for the player? Byleth's a silent protagonist, much a Link, and while we can't customize their appearance we can change their name and birthday. However, that birthdate is fake and Jeralt's journal gives Byleth's actual birthday separate from what the player gives them (unless the player puts in that date themselves). Likewise, it's also implied that whatever name we give Byleth isn't the name they were given at birth, Rhea's the only one who could actually give them their birth name.

In a way, the identity we assign Byleth is just whatever false identity Jeralt gives them.

The game makes Silver Snow the natural progression of Byleth's story, that Byleth would reject working with Edelgard and her allies at the end of White Clouds. The decisions that unlock Flower instead are framed as “changing the story” within the game itself. As the story is meant to progress, Byleth wouldn't abandon their teaching duties to go to Enbarr at Edelgard's request. Hell, Byleth gains a paralogue by have a support level with Rhea and loses it if they turn on her. Regardless of class taught Byleth being a teacher is shown to be good for them, allowing them to actually experience emotions, and at the end of every White Clouds Byleth's would turn their sword against Edelgard unless the player has them act out of character and do things that change the story. They go from a mercenary who cuts people down without feeling a thing, with Hopes making it clear they don't enjoy such a life, to someone who wishes they could peacefully solve things unless they side with Edelgard and abandon Byleth's character.

Rhea though Byleth was an empty vessel for Sothis, only to learn they were their own person. Yet players treat Byleth as an extension of themselves, their own empty vessel to shape Fodlan as they see fit while complaining you can't “betray” Dimitri like you can Edelgard (never mind the devs said she betrays you) or that Claude doesn't go after the Church. People talk about how your choices matter in Fodlan, but the first choice you get is simply which class to teach which includes two routes without any real variation to them, and the third class has it so that the player can either stick to the script or join the villains. What kind of sense does that really make if that first decision will lock me into supporting the Church over Edelgard before I get to know anyone or anything about the setting?

Instead, our choices only seem to matter when we go against the story and side with the people we were supposed to fight and in the process kill/exile the heroes. Despite the clues that indicate how out of character it is for Byleth to join Edelgard, how they regress as a person, this is held up as a good thing because it seemingly validates not Byleth's choice but that of the player's. They see Byleth not as a character, but as an extension of themselves and therefore want Byleth to fight the Church despite all of what Edelgard and TWSITD did during White Clouds because the player believes they are the bad guys. The devs even said that Flower was thematically tied to having different beliefs... in a world built to support Silver Snow's story. Even when Edelgard is shown to withhold information or spread lies to her allies, people still choose to believe her and think that's okay because this path was their decision.

From a Buddhist perspective, their “self” has ended up leading them astray, yet they believe their “self” should be celebrated because they misunderstood the setting and acted based not on what the story was telling them but what they believed instead. Going even further, this way of thinking is pretty apt for the Asura path. It's the path of the Agarthans.