#talk about a waste of fucking time
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is there an actual medical reason why my body just doesn’t respond to medication and if there is please tell me it can be fixed bc this some bullshit
#ive tried easily over a dozen medications that just did absolutely nothing#and i mean no benefits no side effects even at increased dosages#all for different things like blood pressure heart rate salt increase contraception the works#then theres pain killers#talk about a waste of fucking time#ive tried at least 8 different pain killers that all have different bases and different things they fix#in the last five days ive tried four different meds#and theyve done absolutely nothing#one of which was a post surgery med my dad was prescribed and it literally just made me high for an hour and didnt touch my pain#how the hell does that happen#my ribs are so fucked#and its going into my stomach and hips bc of the way ive been holding myself to compensate for it#and i literally did nothing to trigger it#i know its muscle bc i used rapigel and it instantly went freezing cold#but i also had a long hot magnesium bath and used a topical muscle relaxer spray and none of it did shit#ive done heat ive done cold ive done sitting ive done laying down#im trying some endone we have left over tomorrow and if that does nothing then theres literally nothing else to do#theres nothing else#what the fuck am i supposed to do#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#chronic pain#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#fibromyalgia#ehlers danlos syndrome#chronic illness
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.
If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.
Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.
#positivity#disability positivity#partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability#i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue#and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect#but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy#but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do#and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst#man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried
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i can't imagine how difficult it would be to grasp the idea that you owe so much to a man who you've never properly met or spoken to, yet he saved your life and sacrificed his own to give you another chance with the last person he had left. i wonder how often garroth thinks about aaron
#minecraft diaries#garroth ro'meave#aaron lycan#idc what you say. hes sensitive about the subject of aaron too especially when talking to aphmau#because he learns in time how much he meant to her and its like. yk. aaron died saving him#and he takes it as a blessing#and its another drive for him to prove himself. hes not going to fuck up again. he is not going to let the sacrifice of a man go to waste#he visits the makeshift bodyless grave on his own too sometimes#and he wonders why.
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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I love thinking about how this would go down with them
#ghost rider dandadan au#lisa totally brings this up again. ‘awwwwww my evil minion is no longer evil minion-ing’ ‘what the fuck are you talking about??’#gotta be direct with this one girlie pop he’s one dense motherfucker. usual flirting techniques ain’t gonna apply here#REALLY need to draw their respective ‘jealous rage’ moments#some days lisa thinks she might have hit aira with that washing too hard. other days she thinks ‘perhaps not hard enough’#idk how jealous of a person robbie is in canon I’m thinking it’s not that bad. but in the dandadan world he’s got a couple things going-#against ‘reasonable behavior’#Robbie would be way closer to lisa in this universe considering their shared nightmare experience lmao#and then here comes along this dude outta NOWHERE and he’s ‘open’ and ‘trusting’ and ‘outgoing’#ALL THINGS ROBBIE REALLY ISNT#and the dude wastes NO TIME hitting on lisa. like. okay jiji. can you take a few fucking steps back please.#robbie reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#lisa o’toole#<- fuck it. tagging her name as that. she deserves a last name and that’s a good one.#my art#ANYWAY can you tell I’ve been thinking about this a lot#I just want them being kind of insane about each other to transfer over yk#please pardon the shitpost quality I am ✨tired✨ but I wanted to talk about them so so SO bad
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how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?
...without offending them, of course
#eliot posts#last time i was forced to move back in w them was when the dorms closed for quarantine#and a part of me DID die then#and i think in those first 18 years i spent living with them so many parts of me died before they even had the chance to be born#they keep framing it as a generous offer. i won't have to pay rent AND they'll get me set up working oart time for my dad's friend#AND they'll replace my car with a newer one#but i do NOT fucking trust it#they act nice while i'm not living with them and am able to freely escape#but that niceness goes away once i have nowhere to go#like that's exactly what happened when i was forced back to them during quarantine#and how hard they're pushing this seems realllly sketchy#i told my mother i'd think about it (to get her off my back) and she said ''don't waste time thinking. just agree to it.''#like hellll no. i do NOT trust like that.#even my sister was trying to talk me into it which i don't get because she of all people should understand.#but anyway. i'm applying for jobs and looking at extending my lease. i am NOT going back there.#i just wish i could tell them that without getting yelled at and guilt tripped and talked to like i'm a stupid little baby.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ADOPTED EMO BOY 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 STAY EMO YOU LIL HATER BOY LOVE YOUUU
csp kinda butchered the quality when it was gif-ified so here's the art itself
#~ art#blake.fam#looker.plat#MY FUCKED UP LIL EMO BOY#IN OUR WIDDLE FOUND FAMILY OF COPS 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#i know i stopped talking about him but he still twirls around my brain at the sidelines and i still love him /p#my lil weirdo u guysssss i will protect him from uhh gary sue haters AHSHDHAHHDHSHSA#pokemon adventures#pokespe parents#pokespe lacktwo#trainer blake#trainer lacktwo#trainer lack two#looker#ilynne set this whole bit up#blake is not really caring and finds this to be a waste of time#looker just tagged along because ilynne insisted and you cant really argue with her 🤧🤧
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i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign
#god of war#i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know#something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become#to survive this long#up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change#it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this.#it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better#we MUST be better. than they were.#who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes.#i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return#you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.#you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better.#i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better#i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it?#this series has destroyed me.#dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate)#can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’#AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!!#sindri’s face. has not left my memory#i’m dying scoob#gow#gowr
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went to post this on twitter but i didnt wanna get banned . crazy that u can scrape my entire lifes work and i cant even tell u to die over it <3
#im just so ........#grips fists#i feel Helpless#i hate feeling like the people i know are receding further and further Away from art communities and the public because its so#painful right now#to be posting art :(#it just IS.#and to the motherfuckers in Toyhouse doing this like... i cannot stress enough how much if u called me rn i would tell u to die 2 ur face#i just... cant pretend like im Okay with u being anywhere Near the same space as me anymore <3#there are people i Hate on an individual level and#i still want to see them eat. just not at my table#but to everyone who Scrapes Art. I want you to Die <3 ....#you value having pretty little image and serving yourself over the grief of millions of artists#to the point where you break into Our spaces where we trust that we're at least safe from *you* motherfuckers#and take Even More ...#youre fucking#selfish and greedy#truly an embodiment of every fucking sin#unable to fucking Help Yourself ?#imagine if all of these people were like. contributing to society.or. idk. DRAWING#the Waste it generates stresses me out to no fucking end too#like you will literally harm the entire human race for Yourself#i Hate you . I Hate you so Wholly#I hate Everything you are and Everything you have done to me and Everything you have done to my community and my peers#yeah. i want you to Die. The same way i want a politician to die.#no human Deserves death <3 but i still want you to <3#annnyyywaayyyyyss#i wont tag this as my art LMFAO its basically a fucking#vent post#i just HAD to get my feelings out cuz genuinely every time i talk about this with my friends it
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What is with the practically psychotic hate for Lance Stroll? I'm not even his fan- more indifferent- but the hate he gets is sickening. Like just see the recent 'Never have I ever' vid- so many top comments on youtube, instagram etc. are just spouting shit about him (attacking his looks, calling him window licker wtf etc.) based off the 'Never have I ever stood up someone question' (and of course they conveniently ignore all the other drivers that also said they have because it's trendy to hate on Stroll).
Of course, standing up someone sucks but first of all we have no context at all, and more importantly, it's clear the commenters don't actl give a shit about that because they're only hating on Stroll. This is literally just one instance of the way these F1 'fans' are so quick to seize any opportunity to put down Lance. Honestly, it's so off-putting, pathetic and sad.
#he's not even one of my faves but the hate in the f1 fanbase for this 25 year old is crazy#don't give me the 'his daddy bought the team!! he's so shitty!!'#he may not be the best driver but he's still a good driver#he got a podium in his rookie year for goodness sake#also one of the youngest polesitter#yes he was blessed with a rich family but god forbid a father loves his child and would do anything for him#he's usually good in the wet/mixed conditions too#but if you listened to ppl on social media you would think lance can't even walk in a straight line#im so done lol the f1 fanbase is so toxic#esp those on twitter/insta#honestly I doubt those type of 'fans' actl watch the races#they just do monkey see monkey do#and hate on a fucking mid-20s dude 💀#their lives must be incredibly sad to waste time spreading hate like that#lance stroll#f1 2024#honestly this isn't even about the never have I ever vid#it's more about the general and practically fervent hate ppl have for lance#which is so overboard#lance puts in the effort everyday but these ppl will have you believe he sits arnd throwing moneg everyday#this is the man who drove despite his hand injury last year for goodness' sake#the way some ppl talk about him will have you thinking he murdered their family#also he's just thr to drive??? idk why ppl go all up in arms to hate on everything he does from his looks to how he talks...#and in general the hate various drivers get is so weird#*money#<- too lazy to edit my tags lol
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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why is the concept of showing empathy for drug/alcohol addicts so hard to understand for some ppl? v.v they suffer too sis, that problem has to come from somewhere and i bet most of them would rather not be addicted in the first place. some people don't know what nuance is i swear. am i crazy for having empathy with addicts??? i don't think so.
#tw drinking#tw alcohol abuse#tw depression#tw addiction#context: i have a friend i've known for a long time (i use the term friend loosely because she's getting on my nerves A LOT lately#and every time i show an ounce of empathy for someone whose addicted to any kind of substance she gets judgy as hell#and uses my personal experience against me to try and change my mind#“but didn't your dad drink himself to death and made life so hard for you and your family?”#sis °-° he had manic depressive episodes and drinking was his coping mechanism for it#he was never abusive towards other people only to himself but ofc watching him wasting away when i was a teen was fucking hard.#he also grew up in a time where mental health problems weren't talked about as much as it is today especially regarding men#so he had a hard time getting help#addiction is a symptom to a bigger problem most if not all of the time but so many people don't see that shit#they just talk for the sake of talking v.v#ofc are some addicts also abusive to others and that's not okay#but that problem comes from somewhere#also she is a smoker btw just saying ;)#sorry for rambling#needing to VENT °.°#prolly delete later#cw drinking#cw depression#cw addiction
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Anyways. Arcane season 1 was a solid 7/10 couldve used 4 eps per act instead to really tell the story more but the writers were really dedicated to the rule of 3s.
Season 2 is like. 4/10 tho. WAY too dedicated to the rule of 3s. Added a bunch of side characters that did nothing n took up way too much time. Tried to dive into all the characters stories all at once while also changing the story itself to not focus on the class disparity and instead just swept that shit under the rug :/
Also used up so much time for music videos that wasted time cause they just ended up showing the situations even better after anyways.
Also I liked the episode with ekko n powder but good god. You wasted an entire episode. On an au. When you were already running out of time.
I know they said they're doing other shows after this but that's not really an excuse to completely change characters personalities and butcher a bunch of the storylines :/
#other#t talks#hmm. there was so many points were all i could think was wow. they are wasting so much time on this.#when are they gonna get back to the story? n then they never did.#cause instead it flipped to be about ambessa helping viktor cause she wants weapons for an enemy the show never bothers to actually explain.#and only half way does thru mel. but we spend so much time with everyone else that we get almost no time with her#despite her n ambessas storyline being the entire reason the entire story changes.#and dont even get me started on the characters#vi having a sex scene Right After her sister said she was gonna kill herself? okay...#sevika ending up on the council???????? fuck that.#also i am an eternal hater of 'suicidal character finds reason to live then dies anyways' trope. and to imply shes alive anyways.#anyways. i enjoyed it overall but god. what a downgrade from season 1.#i have to go open sai n think about drawing.
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bridgerton season 3 sucked absolute ass
#spoilers!!! but ur not gonna miss much i promise#as an avid bridgerton fan girl trust me i have the credentials to talk about this guys#it was so unbelievably bad no one can convince me otherwise#where was the drama where was the build up where was the lust where was the groveling it was so bad#why did she have hybrid lash extensions and gelx almond nails like why were they wearing full fsces of charlotte tilbury#that hot air balloon scene pissed me off sooo bad like penelope girl STAND UP!!! dont piss me off what are u doing falling and tumbling the#balloon was gojng -4 km an hour GET UP!!!!!!!#the sex scenes were so mid like u guys wanna be simon and daphne soo bad#i was excited for penelope too like i love her character i relate to her so much it pisses me off they fumbled so hard#colin was always meh but penelope like u shouldve made him beg more and colin shouldve just wanted to beg more#who tf was lord debling i forgot he even existed when i watched part 2 like hes so irrevelevant#dont even get me started on how anti climactic it was when colin found out penelope was lady whistledown like#literally girl bye wasting my fucking time#thats all i came here to say ive been having a horrible time recently and this just pissed me off even more#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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