#take care not to push too hard

[despair-tea]

All I'm sayin' is that you can't crack an egg with a hammer. Keep chasing that eggy boy around with syringes and he'll retreat even deeper into the closet.

[humans-are-tasty]

[s0fter-sin]

soapghost circus au

ghost’s an extreme motorcycle stunt performer - globe of death, riding on his back wheel along tightropes, that sort of thing

soap’s a fire breather/dancer. he’s a roaming performer; he just finds empty spaces or bored people and starts twirling

he pretends not to notice the way he always wanders towards a certain tent every night to watch a certain masked daredevil defy gravity. he thinks he's slick and that ghost won't notice him in the crowd, completely forgetting that he's carrying something that happens to be on fire

ghost couldn't miss him if he tried

one day off, soap's trialing fire whips; he loves the loud crack and the way the flame licks through the air and maybe he's a little too impatient to practice with non flaming whips first, even though he's never used one before

he's covered in soot and fine welts where the tip of the whip keeps flicking back up at him, cutting through his shirt and stinging his skin but he doesn't let that stop him. it starts to stick to him, damp with sweat and blood and he's quick to strip it off; throwing it to the side to keep practicing

when soap finally gets a few good cracks in a row and breaks to celebrate, he almost jumps out of his skin when he sees the masked rider leaning against a trailer watching him

of all the times he's wanted ghost to talk to him, this is not one of them

he wanted to impress him, dance for him with his flaming batons and be mesmerised by his fluidity and skill

not catch him filthy and struggling with something as basic as a whip

he's ready for ghost to ream him out for not having control over the whip - he's known throughout the circuit for expecting utter perfection in his routines - but when ghost finally does speak, it's only to ask if he's done for the day

soap falters for a moment. he wanted to get some consistency with the whip before he stopped, but he's starting to feel the hours of practice; muscles aching and skin blistered with minor burns

he says he is and ghost pushes off the trailer, nodding his head to make soap follow. he brings him back to his trailer and tells him to clean up then takes out his personal med kit to treat the grazes on soap's skin

soap's shocked; for all that he loves to watch ghost perform, they've never really talked before

part of why he joined the circus was so he wouldn't be a burden on anyone, the oldest in a family with too many mouths to feed and not even time to nurture, and here he is taking up ghost's valuable practice time bc he wasn't good enough to handle his own discipline. he tries to brush him off, downplaying the burns and tries to leave before half them can be treated but ghost just glares and orders him to sit back down

ghost does expect perfection from himself but it isn’t out of any malice or ego; it's bc he knows if he isn't perfect, he could very easily die. he’s picked a dangerous profession and he gives it the respect it deserves. there isn't any shame in being a novice or failing at something; he thinks there's a lot of beauty in having the courage to get back up again and again

so every day he watches soap practice and bullies him into his trailer to put him back together bc he knows he won't do it by himself

and every night soap wanders over to ghost's section of the fair grounds, in awe of his skill and wishing he could be worthy of the care he gives him

[squidpedia]

How are you doing nowadays?

thank you to my friends for being super patient with me right now, i dont say it enough but thank you and i appreciate you

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

[slushi-chan]

Ok but imagine Bo Sinclair with a kid/s imagine him building a treehouse or something for his kid or kids, or him building a swingset in the yard for them, or hanging up a tire swing for them

[iobsesswaytoomuch]

Leo on crutches doodles cuz I'm definitely totally not projecting

Stairs are terrible. Kill them. They are my mortal and eternal enemies

[strxnged]

im in my tighnari and collei (and cyno, distantly) found family feels yall

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Honestly for all the "am I pushing this too far? should I pull back?" moments I have working on Thralls' outline, I am often reminded that this is actually a pretty charitable interpretation of what may have happened between OoT and TP....

[violetwolfraven]

Remember, kids! If you need a break and you don’t take one, eventually your body will take one for you!

[factorydefaultlu]

My greedy little hole is just so needy. It's soaked my panties and i still have 3 hours in my shift but once i get home I'm going to fuck myself till im sobbing

-the shy girl who edged herself for an hour earlier, will be in your dms once i clock out ❄

Good girl, mommy can't wait for your messages.

Lick the slick off your panties while you play with your pussy and think of me when you cum 🩷

[porschesbabydaddy]

Poor Vegas, he’s like a child who shakes their goldfish around in it’s little plastic bag, and then cries once he notices that it’s gone belly up

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[alkaisen]

OKAY. so you know about me going to my dream uni and major right???? the problem is. in high school, at least in my country, we are all already divided into to specific studies, science math and social studies. so if you’re studying social studies, that’s all you’ll learn for three years, no science whatsoever. the problem is, i was in social studies then i suddenly wanted to be a scientist and change studies to science math which i have zero knowledge of it…

ITS A BOLD MOVE TRUST ME I KNOW but i jst cant see myself going through social studies major and have a career in one… i wanted to be a scientist. i worked hard to get in, and im in my dream major now. that’s what i wanted.

the only problem is that i’m afraid, you know? im the only one who has zero knowledge of science and math among my peers and im just… scared. obv i have already think through of all the risk and sacrifices whilst making this major decision, im fully aware that i have to study harder and basically learn everything from literal ZERO and i don’t mind, in fact, im excited.

despite all of that, still doesnt change the fact that im scared. what if i cant do it? what if it all will end up in vain? what if all of my sacrifices turned out to be useless? :(

thank you so much for listening to my rant, al.

oh chu :(( it's okay to feel that way, your feelings are completely valid and understandable. will it make you feel better if i say i've had somewhat similar experiences? it happened to me when i first chose law as my major, so i can somewhat guess what it must be like.

i didn't change my course of study like you did, of course. which is very, very, VERY impressive and was super courageous of you by the way. being in an unfamiliar environment is scary, it's true. the nervousness or anxiety you're feeling is also absolutely normal chu, given the significant transition you're facing and all. it's a big thing.

also, i want you to understand that you haven't done anything wrong or chosen the wrong major or made the wrong decision or anything like that

it's going to be hard at first, that much is guaranteed with your background being different from the rest, but it's not your fault and i don't want you beating yourself up over that. i guarantee you as someone with similar experiences, it will get better. i once read something that said something along the lines of "not treating yourself as a failure when/if your future is delayed by circumstances that aren't in your hands" and i think it might resonate with you

your peers are there to help you, and so are your professors — the university wants you to succeed. there will be resources you can research, friends that will assist you and professors that will answer any queries you have. you're ready to put in more work and do your research, that's all that counts. you're putting in effort and you're trying, some don't even do that and im very proud of you for taking this leap. i hope you'll try and see you're as brilliant as i see you

trust yourself, you've got this. i believe in you. just take it one step at a time, make sure to take breaks so to not overwork or burn yourself out and don't hesitate to reach out for support ANY time you need it. you'll do wonderfully.

[dutybcrne]

Making myself sad by wondering if Kaeya had NEVER seen Diluc mad at him before that fateful confrontation

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Tell us about The Guys what's their dynamic like

ok thats kind of on me for starting with the hardest character dynamic first

so. cocoa and luci. they're both characters that, narratively, are barely expected to be characters at all. let me explain. im entering unskippable cutscene mode. sorry <333

luci takes the role of the silly lil ai assistant... kinda. shes not supposed to be. shes Supposed to be just a basic guide/support mechanic, but she sure. Isn't. it was an accident. dont worry about it. nobody else did.

cocoa is cocoa. she wasn't always cocoa, but now she's all there is. easypeasy ^w^ she's like if an npc was a person, mostly. she just kinda stands or wanders around until shes needed, rarely speaks beyond basic preset responses, she just goes here :] shes just a silly lil thang, kinda confused but got the spirit, etc. And Also She Happens To Be The Highest Ranked Agent Here. dont worry about it. nobody else did.

they also happen to be, most likely, the two characters to change the most across the entire throughline. with like one exception, maybe. which is what makes this hard. im not going to waffle about too long, dont worry. probably. ill try.

so for a while it seems like...

...aka they dont seem to notice each other much at all. and it stays that way for pretty much the entire throughline! bbbecause everyones too busy running about to worry about The PA Voice and Their Shockingly Chill Coworker. unfortunately, The Problems.

see, they're both burying the lead. Hard.

because luci is The problem. Capital. as something that Super isnt supposed to be conscious (let alone alive,) she has a Lot of shit to figure out. and a Lot of issues. it takes a while for her to figure out her bearings (no thanks to everyone else, who was too busy squabbling about a "data compromise" and ""trying to find a new manager"". eyeroll.) but more or less, she's decided:

1) humans are fucking annoying. they worry about so much mess, care about all the wrong stuff, and insist on shoving it on other people. unfortunately, they're also deeply entertaining. theres 100% a superiority complex going on there. 2) she has Got to become something else. she wants something. deeply and desperately. its just... well, she's still figuring out what that is.

luci, as a character, is obsessed with Character and Relevancy. the deepest throes of passion and hatred, desire and purpose. to know for certain what your place is. (this doesnt say anything about her.) those that burn brightly like that never seem to die. not truly. (this says absolutely nothing about her.) to become a single, unshakable, irreplaceable star. (this means absolutely nothing about anything to her.)

and one of those things that grabbed her attention the most was that of abnormalities. irreplaceable, undying, bastions of Meaning. That was what it was. unfortunately, as Emotion isnt one of the things that she's inherently built with, it becomes a bit of an issue.

thus begs the question: how do you bring out that spark in something? and well, that's not a question she has the information to answer. however, if theres one thing shes good at, its Fucking Around And Finding Out ! and well, if there's some collateral damage or casualties about it, well. oops. not like they ever cared about death and the like here before. soooo whatever ^w^

and well, she has to practice her ominous dialogue with Someone who won't rat her out, soooo...

cocoa, on the other hand, is... well, she's different, for sure. that wasnt always her name, for one. or i guess, it always was. if i tried to explain her entire deal id be here another 10 paragraphs or so, but to make a long story short... living under the specific pressure that the city pushes onto its residents is taken better for some than others. cocoa is not one of these. the constant pressure of needing to provide and prove your worth to forces beyond your control put a ridiculous amount of strain on her, and even still, it could decide to snuff you out without a moments notice on a whim. and well, there's little you can do when you're someone like her.

its something she tried to bottle up for a long, long time. unfortunately, making it into Lcorp did not, in fact, help with this At All. and all of that dread and paranoia, the misguided self loathing, and the sheer inescapability of it all... well, of course she snapped. it wasn't anything loud, bombastic. just quiet. quietly, whoever it was that she used to be had vanished in an instant, snuffed by her own hand, before anything else could get the chance to do it first. and what remained was cocoa! a name to an absence. more Function than Person, she simply... became what was needed of her. and nothing more. and unfortunately, with how everything else was... this change slipped completely under the radar. for all except for one witness.

it doesnt mean anything to her. (it cant mean anything to her. not yet.)

all of that happens before the story even begins.

unfortunately, a superiority complex + the inability to process your own flaws + being allowed to be in control completely unchecked for an extended period of time allows luci to. spiral. to put it bluntly.

it becomes a horrible little race to figure out what exactly is going on before too many people end up dying in horrible ways. luci simply watches them run in circles like little mice. by the time they manage to scramble together enough to confront her, its a tiny group of maybe 4 against luci... and also cocoa. who, in trying to avoid thinking too hard about the meddling that luci was doing and the holes poked in her persona by the rest of the cast over time, has once again completely shut off in favor of simply doing whatever was asked of her. and well, luci was technically the one who had the authority to be dealing out directions, so... well. not gonna think about it too hard. shes had to suppress other agents before, so...

this, ultimately, becomes where cocoa's arc comes to a head. as stable as she seemed, turns out she was constantly teetering on a very dangerous edge. that edge between allowing outside influence, the bravery and will to push, to face uncertainty and risk... and erasing yourself entirely, forgoing the harms of failure and performance in favor of becoming something more akin to a tool, unable to perceive, but also unable to be hurt.

luci believes she knows cocoa. she's seen the depths of her-- she thinks-- has seen the dissatisfaction, the fear, the rage, the desire to reach and tear what she wants from anyone she can reach. for just a brief moment, she'd seen all of it, just before cocoa became... cocoa. and she sees herself in that. sympathy was not something that was afforded to her. it was not in her capability to feel that attachment. (it doesnt mean anything to her.) they were the same, werent they? held back by things out of their control. (it means absolutely nothing to her.) so it would be a kindness-- no, an act of pity, to grant this one the ability to truly Feel that, to Understand the self in its entirety. grant her that freedom. (it means absolutely nothing about anything to her.)

but to cocoa... this was just another will overriding her own. the reason something snapped-- she wanted to do good. to be good. but this world does not allow it. shes angry, yes. more than anything. but shes angry because of her own perceived uselessness. more than anything, she's exhausted. that buildup of anger and resentment-- it was something she desperately didn't want to inflict on others. so instead, she turned those teeth inward, and tore herself out for the crime of feeling. she doesnt want to act. she doesnt want to run. she doesnt want to be anything. she just wants to rest.

luci, insistent on her correctness but inherently oblivious, convinced she is giving a gift to someone she has done nothing but harm. and cocoa, afraid to let down the veneer of distance, to allow herself to want and hope-- afraid to take on the responsibility of being a Person again. but these two werent the only players in the game.

and well. cocoa makes her decision.