#tags in post etc. deliberating & processing things

[nerice]

////////////////////

maybe if i had started strength training earlier, but i was in so much pain. maybe if i had quit my job earlier, but i needed money for the japan trip i didn't wanna go on anymore and that only made me worse. maybe if my first physio hadn't just slapped tape on it, the painfree-ness of which only made me overextend. maybe if the first doc had not told me work couldn't possibly be the cause, after i explicitly asked. if i had not walked around with tendonitis for a month, but atrocious wait times for all docs that are not gp. if i had just seen any doc... but i got covid and it was xmas holiday season. if i hadn't overplayed hades and nuked my wrist, but the underlying issue was alrdy there. maybe if i hadn't been addicted to genshin, but i was coping with thesis. if i had not given myself a heart issue if i had not tried to medicate my adhd if i had not sought a diagnosis if i had never tried to ask for help it goes back and back and back rows of docs recommending me down the line to Someone Who Can Definitely Help and was even more incompetent, did not listen to me, thesis looming, shit job but money is nice, yes there was a pandemic but that was the least of it for me. if i had quit the first time i was in pain, years and years before, but coworker friends. if i had distanced myself, suffering, suffering, social situations i don't wanna be part of that distract me that i cannot be trusted with i'd rather be writing and drawing but i have friends now i have social obligations i want no part of this is all too complicated. if i had never....... but i wanted to play dnd. i should never have. if there hadn't been a pandemic the dynamic would have been different. if my last term paper had not made me seek out adhd assessment, starting this whole damn rodeo. it is january 2, 2019 and ive just come back from a three month study trip in japan. i was in love with a married woman. i was fluent in a language i adore. i was getting into dnd in a theoretical sense, baby hyperfixation. i was burned out, then. 2018 was the high point of my life, 50k a week, screenplay madness, finishing my japanese minor, going to japan, a dream come true............ 25k for nano in a couple of days. and then the homestay situation, the [friend drama to this day i still don't understand (autistic, a thruline)] losing it spiraling not writing anymore and it hurts me but im high on japan!! [redacted] was the most beautiful woman i ever saw and she kept smiling at me, my game designer buddy who was so easy to talk to. the high points. the hikone date. we could have pulled through. january 2, 2019. i should have taken what happened as indicator that i am fundamentally not meant for (irl) friendships, i should have distanced myself and focused on what i love and my studies. instead i pulled together an irl friend group, i pulled together a dnd party, i utena swordpull'd myself. good job, idiot

[tech-92]

Tech and his "Extra Curriculars"

(CW: Talks of car crashes, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and hard kink)

When it comes to thinking or talking about Tech in any sexual situation, I feel it's important to understand where we come from here on this blog. A lot of posts on our blog tagged "#tbb tech" have this weird masochistic vibe to them and that's for a reason. Our understanding of Tech comes mostly from our development of a concept we call "Tech Crash". The "Crash" part in Tech Crash is from the 1996 movie Crash staring James Spader where essentially, he gets off on participating in car crashes. Anyways, here's what we have written down about the Tech Crash situation:

I finally figured it out what's going on with Tech. I had been having trouble because I knew that there was something Weird happening with him, I just wasn’t sure what exactly. Now I know. So, like obviously it’s been (practically) established in canon that he’s autistic. I also personally read him as someone who’s ace but still has sex and enjoys it. I think both of those things are intrinsic to his experience of sex. I also think both of those things lend quite well to him being into some strange and unusual fetish. We also happen to know he’s into high speed racing and shit from the show… And its like Crash in which he's like, into car crashes but it’s not exactly that. But I am expanding on that. I think he’s into very high-risk scenarios and extreme masochism.

Part of the Tech autism situation is that, it’s really clear he has a hard time with emotions. Specifically, I think he has a lot of trouble parsing out how he feels about things and what to do about that, how to cope, etc. Which is why he tends to ignore problems (ex: when Echo was gone in season 2). Because even if he can recognize he’s upset about something, he can’t really process it in more detail than that. This causes some issues given that he’s a clone and is regularly forced to experience very very dangerous situations with the very very real threat of death breathing down his neck. That’s emotionally and physically devastating. But those scenarios also have a very dramatic effect on the brain in the sense that pivoting SO DRAMATICALLY so quickly from a mindset of urgent survival, "holy shit i am about to die get it together i have to live i have to live" to the overwhelming and ecstatic relief of actually surviving creates a mental sensation not unlike orgasm. And then, pairing that chemical high with the fresh sensation of pain from the injuries he sustained during the survival period creates a deep association of extreme pain with extreme pleasure, even if it is in a twisted context. As an autistic person with similar alexithymia (emotional blindness) to Tech, I can DEFINITELY see him processing those sensations in a sexual way. His emotions would be way easier to recognize and interact with if they’re associated with the distinctive, familiar emotion of sexual arousal.

Of course, those intense scenarios are a very prominent part of his life, and I think as he gets older there comes a stronger divide between the painful, high-risk scenarios he experiences for work and the painful, high-risk scenarios he puts himself in deliberately for sexual pleasure. But I think a significant reason he chooses to put himself in those situations is that, if he’s regularly experiencing that level of fear, pain, and release voluntarily, it makes it a lot easier to handle those things when he’s forced to experience them outside of his own volition.

I want to be clear that I think his enjoyment of masochism is a very sensory focused thing that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with sub/dom dynamics, in fact I think he is specifically not into that sort of thing. I also think his masochism has nothing to do with underlying self-hatred or any sense of “deserving” it. It is PURELY because he likes the sensation of pain and gets off to it. That’s a big part of what I mean when I say his experience of sex is fundamentally autistic. I also think that in general, he’s just not really that into other people. Like, he is willing to have sex with other people, but mostly just because there’s certain things that he can’t really do to himself, whether due to physical or psychological barriers, or just that the safety risk involved in hurting yourself really bad often necessitates another person’s presence in case he passes out or something. What he considers sex/sexual activity is mostly stuff that is barely, if at all, recognizable as sex in the typical definition. This is why I think his experience of sex is also fundamentally aroace.

To get back to the Crash thing. I do think that broadly he is just simply into the idea of danger to a really strong degree, and that can be sort of anything. But he already knows a lot about and has a lot of experience with vehicles, and I think that pushing their abilities and his skills to the absolute brink is gratifying to him both in an experimental way and in a sexual way. He also has the conceptualization to understand the inherent sexiness of metal, cars, etc. even if he is not sexually attracted to the cars themselves. So yeah, he’s getting into crashes. He’s not into it in the same way they are in Crash, where the end-goal/ULTIMATE release is death; as I said this is all a very primal sensory thing for him and he is not into the idea of near-death so much as he is into the rush of endorphins that he experiences while in those situations. While his thing is very high-risk, he is careful about protecting the most important/vulnerable parts of his body and making sure things are set up in a way such that he can hurt a lot without being in too much actual danger of death/infection. However, I do think that when he was younger he took more risks and did some crazy shit that he should NOT have done but calmed down and became more careful as he got older. He probably has the most elaborate and frightening collection of scars. The Crash thing is also why he handles the fractured femur with such ease.

Additionally this part of why TechPhee does not work, at least for me. She could try to figure out how to flirt with him for months and he wouldn’t realize, then she’d finally just ask him out and by the time they hit the bedroom he is like “I need you to hurt me so bad I’m seeing stars in order to get off” and she’d be like "you know what this is not worth it I think we should just be friends". Any apparent mutual interest in each other would just be like, Phee thinking “His eyes are so beautiful I think I want to make love to him” and Tech thinking “she is pretty I wonder if she’d be willing to carve holes into my thighs” or something

[kawaakari-orchestra]

KWKO accouchement: is this a hiatus yet or are we just on break?~ ✨

Hi! Jay here. If you follow my main or received that information by means unknown to me, then you already know the last batch of area conversations was the last one... For now.

With a whopping 57 dialogues and not a sign of a coherent plot in sight, we've reached the point where it's impossible to write more area conversations or answer around 90% of the questions currently in the askbox without going into spoiler territory - something I would rather avoid. In other words, it's about time for me to start working on something I've been putting off for very, very long time - writing KWKO Main Story.

After much creative deliberation I have decided to opt for a different format than just writing it out like a novel - that being imitation of pjsk event reader websites like pjsk wiki and sekai.best. There are absolutely drawbacks to this, with some of them being quite substantial; lack of live2d will not do dialogue justice like visual novels do.

With that said, there are also a lot of benefits, most prominently, being able to switch POV at any time and keeping closer to pjsk's spirit, as well as very significantly cutting down my own workload.

At some point (unclear as of now) I will also be adapting the main story, and probably most if not all of the events, into fanfic format as well, but for now I want to focus on actually finishing it and presenting it in a readable condition before the end of August. That won't be happening unless I fully focus on doing just that, so all of the other activities will be temporarily put on hold.

Askbox is considered closed; I may or may not answer the ones I already have on my own discretion. The function itself will remain active for the sake of fanart or otherwise fan-content submissions as well as the opportunity to contact me directly. Please do not use it for the other purposes.

Fanart and other types of content will be reblogged as normal if the original posters wishes so (just tag me!)

I will also finish, and will at some point post the rest of the cast's rooms, but that is probably all this blog will post until a later notice.

What after?

Well, after I'm done with the writing part, I'll probably have to code an entire website to actually post the thing. I've no experience with coding, but I have curiosity and a lot of stubbornness, so we'll see what comes out of it. It's going to be a journey for sure.

Regardless, the story will be made public chapter by chapter after that; roughly once in 2-3 days.

After the prologue, this blog will host a vote for character 1★ side-stories, and those will be posted accordingly (e.g whoever comes in first will get their first side-story posted first, then second and third etc until we get to the last place, then the same cycle repeats with second side-stories). The same process will repeat after chapter 20 with characters' 2★ stories and eventually with initial 3★, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

More area conversations will be added after the entire story will be made public; I'm not sure about total number but should be around 10-15 of those.

Other than that... We'll wait and see!

I am once again extemely grateful for all the attention and love these kids are getting, and I couldn't have possibly expected that; I never thought we'll get as far as we do, but this is exactly why more thorough writing is sorely needed.

I'll be at @shiraishi--kanade as usual; you can sometimes catch me talking about these guys by #jay rambles about ocs.txt tag, mainly about the writing/planning process of it. Beware of spoilers though!

Until we meet again!

—🌻

[ post dividers by @/cafekitsune! ]

[bbygirl-aemond]

i want to write an hotd fanfic so bad… i’m watching the early GOT show too as well to try and wrap my head around the lore but i fear that my fic will still be very amateur and show that i don’t really have that big of a grasp on the lore and worldbuilding and language around me.. can you give any advice onto how to tackle this? any specific ways i should research or how to remember every little thing to make the story as accurate and correct as possible?

hi and welcome! don't worry, i have been through this exact process within this fandom haha. i was the queen of sparknoting my way through my lit classes in college when i didn't have other time, so i think i've kind of perfected the art of making it seem like you've deeply read something, even if you haven't.

let me give my usual disclaimer that i don't recommend reading fanfic to get a sense of characters or worldbuilding in a new fandom. that's because to a fresh eye, it's impossible to tell what is the author's invention/headcanon (which may be incorrect/ooc) and what is actual canon. fanfic writing should be about indulging yourself and your creativity, not about trying to cater to the most popular opinions even if you don't agree with them. so i really do recommend sticking to canon as much as possible, and being very deliberate about where and when you use fanon as a reference.

i create a tumblr blog for every fandom that i'm planning to write in to serve as a repository for my research and notes. this blog is unusual in that i forgot to make it private and then had too much fun engaging with y'all to go back. but my first posts were all specifically for stormbreak purposes. if you're nervous about putting things out there, you can password-lock your blog, so you're the only one with access. being able to sort with tags for characters, houses, etc. will be super helpful. another good idea is to take notes in google drive, since you can also search for things there and use the outline feature to navigate. the goal is to have one or two places where you compile all of your work that are easily navigable.

a really good starting place for research is this particular asoiaf wiki. i do not recommend any of the others, especially the ones based on individual shows, because those often do not include details that are in the books. i genuinely cannot tell you how many hours i've spent on this wiki. start your research here- look for dates, places, events, houses, relationships, appearances, etc.

meta analysis is also a really good idea to gain knowledge. tumblr or reddit are the places to go for this. it's really important to seek out posts that are both sympathetic and unsympathetic towards characters or houses. the goal is to get a sense of the different opinions within fandom, and decide which ones make sense to you. on tumblr, you can search a term, select for text posts, and scroll until you find big walls of text. (as an aside: if you're doing this, blocking tags related to fanfiction, imagines, xreader, etc. will help streamline your search and filter out headcanons in favor of meta)

lastly, and be careful with this one since it is fanon but not canon: memes! twitter and tiktok are great for these. they're great for getting a sense of vibes, but not for actual canon facts about a character. remember, fanon can sometimes be very distant from or even contradictory with canon, so take these with a grain of salt. i do still find them useful for forming opinions about personalities, mannerisms, and attitudes of different characters.

if you want more info about how i actually planned out stormbreak, i've answered an ask about it here!

[aita-irl]

sent this into the other aita but the blog went on hiatus before it was posted so.

wibta for making a fake account to lurk in a discord server i used to be part of?

context: i was in a small discord server for upwards of a year. i was one of the first few there, kind of a central member of the server (i don’t mean this in a self centered way, like i’m not saying everyone loved me. i just mean i was one of the few core/most active members. there was a little core community of maybe 5 or 10 people that i was part of.) i considered many ppl there my friends, the mods included, but to be clear this wasn’t a friends server and the invite link is in public tumblr posts (it was based around a shared interest.)

well, long story short, the mods deliberately attempted to push me + a friend out of the server because they disliked us (warning us for things that weren’t against the rules, lying to us about phrasing of previous warning messages we had screenshots of, etc. keeping this vague in case any of them is aware of this blog but truly 99% of it was not real issues where we did anything wrong and we gracefully accepted it every time, even when undeserved.) we got sick of this eventually and left (so they got what they wanted i guess), no drama in the server, no public goodbye message, most we did on discord was dm a mod we both considered our friend goodbye. we did both make a handful of vent posts about the situation on tumblr, none of which had the actual name of the server or the mods’ names apart from one vent post where i sarcastically told people not to join it in the tags, using an abbreviated version of the name only other server members would recognize. maybe five people from the server followed the two of us collectively on tumblr. really not something that would impact the main server community.

the mods made an announcement about this essentially calling us both liars and me dangerous/a threat to the server. fast forward to now maybe a month or two later. i do miss a lot of people in the server quite a bit and considered myself good friends with some of them but. i did think the mods were my friends too. so atp im not sure if they felt the same way.

the actual judgeable part: lately i’ve been considering the idea of making a fake account to join the server, make a fake intro (part of the verification process or i wouldn’t even do this) and send literally no other messages, then search my name to see if anything was said about me/try to figure out if they still consider me a friend, and leave. i wouldn’t befriend them under false pretenses using this account or anything obviously, just lurk for a bit and see what they’ve said about me. but it does kind of feel like i would be crossing a boundary by doing this? so. aita.

[rw-ethology]

📌

Welcome! This blog aims to provide theories, analysis and insight into the creatures that make up Rain World's rich ecosystem through the lens of real-world principles of animal behaviour. Other zoology- and ecology-related topics such as evolutionary processes and history, population genetics, and general speculative biology will also come up, as well as discussion of the game's lore and timeline.

The blog thrives off asks and post requests, as well as suggestions and input from an audience! Striking up conversation in the askbox or post replies is encouraged and appreciated, as is tagging me in other posts that might be relevant :) As it's early days I'm still kind of experimenting with the tone of posts and how wordy and dense to make things, so I also very much welcome feedback on that front, and requests for elaboration, sources or rephrasing.

Downpour spoilers will be tagged until further notice, but base game will not be, so proceed with caution if you're new.

(Please don't consider this blog's content or my takes word-of-god canon, I don't claim to know everything and my thoughts are largely based on interpretation. Feel free to borrow any of the ideas posted here for your own headcanons etc, however!)

Check under the cut for askbox rules and upcoming posts:

Before you send an ask/request a post...

Please interact in good faith! I welcome civil debate and being corrected on my mistakes, just don't be rude about it.

There may be discussion of considered-NSFW topics on this blog, but in the way you'd expect from like, a science class. Nothing is strictly off limits to ask as long as it's in good faith, however I may not answer if I feel the vibes or intentions are weird (I and this blog have a zero-tolerance policy on zoophilia/feral p*rn)

I very deliberately try not to anthropomorphize animals on this blog- I wouldn't be a very good ethologist if I didn't! If you come in expecting to talk about slugcats etc. like you would human characters, you will probably come away disappointed. (Yes, this includes shipping.)

about | navigation/directory

Upcoming posts/asks (may be slow for a while as mod is dealing with burnout, but progress is being made!)

Vultures and grubs (WIP)

Slugcat group structure (WIP)

Theories on the Cycle and its effects on evolution (WIP)

Something on scavs

Evolutionary holdovers from purposed organisms

Why do rain deer help you through farm arrays

[agnesmontague]

I posted 5,030 times in 2022

541 posts created (11%)

4,489 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@echoelbo

@annabelle--cane

@transjon

@agnesmontague

@tweetsongs

I tagged 4,569 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#rambles - 592 posts

#tma - 583 posts

#art - 256 posts

#malevolent - 193 posts

#severance - 155 posts

#food - 144 posts

#animals - 91 posts

#about me - 78 posts

#words - 76 posts

#long post - 70 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if id been in parliament in 1949 and heard this dropped in real time‚ steaming hot and live‚ i would have been disqualified from governance

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

the goncharov stuff made me think of a really good potential improv exercise: two people pretend to be an interviewer and a film director whose new film has come out/come under controversy/won an oscar etc and they have to build the entire lore of the movie together from scratch

the exercise could come in several flavors:

new release: this is the easiest one potentially bc both the interviewer and the director can skirt around stuff they can't think up by going "but we don't want to spoil the audience", opportunity to go off-prompt a little by talking about the director's "other movies" or past achievements

oscar win: very good for film-savvy improv artists, great opp to bullshit about story-writing and the creative process as well as things like film score or design choices if they want

controversy: probably the most fun, esp if the interviewer can cook up a truly wild controversy that both of them can lean wholeheartedly into. things like screenplay leaks/on-set drama/adaptation of very risky material etc is all fair game. also the most ripe opp for the director to lean into a deliberately eccentric or odd character

3,925 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

proud to say im now one of the people who cracked a RQ code first

4,393 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

#3

stream recap so far

magnus 2 official title is The Magnus Protocol

there will be two protagonists, not characters we've seen before. they will be british civil servants

but there will be some reoccurring voices/characters

jonny specifically mentioned he's excited to revisit some characters, interactions, and the theme of agency (paraphrased)

main inspiration for this sequel has been the game Control

4,652 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#2

trust no one who proudly declares themself a mean bully but also trust no one who is adamant that they are always well-intentioned and soft

25,364 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

yes nfts are ugly as sin but on god i hope we’re not going to collectively forget about the fundamentally capitalistic bullshit foundations of the entire concept of nfts once they start making ones that look like fuckable anime boys

41,451 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[shifuto]

giving this meme another spin

really digging this introverted/introverted energy I get from them and, well this is based on my current au (post-canon and post-Yuma), things changed a little hahaha

Astral changes A LOT because of Shark and their relationship - probably a more out-of-character Astral (but look at manga X anime Astral and tell me that's the same dude, it isn't huh?). Anyway, I'll discuss a little more in depth at the end of this post, meanwhile..

I'll go fetch my tags from yesterday:

this newfound obsession with this ship (Astral/Ryoga) started last year and it was not a coincidence at all, what surprised me was the fact that Astral/Yuma wasn't a ship I thought I'd part with or change like I did but this is precisely it: I changed Ryoga and Astral are similar - that is kind of the point - that relationship feels harmonious and mature in my head. They're not the same. They're not bound by things like “destiny” or because they're “soulmates” or incomplete halves that make one whole, they are whole individuals (there's some headcanons about this I will explore regarding Astral) by themselves the thing that gets me is the circumstances in which they grow closer to each other: pain and loss Yuma and Astral make a wonderful ship. That's not up to debate. They didn't have a choice though: they must exist together Astral and Ryoga is something deliberate (and liberating at that) it's not that I came to dislike one over the other but just that I needed something else. I'm all about autonomy (of course this also solves the issue with another of my favs III and his unrequited love. I guess in the end no one loses and I'm happy) it's funny to see how much I changed and matured in this last year through the lenses of shipping but here we are. It's fun and real. I'm so very glad I changed. I always do (not always for the best but this time I do believe it is a good change)

there's still more I want to add!

before, Astral was an "extension" of Yuma (or rather, half of Yuma, and Yuma was half of him), a weapon from Astral World and the mythical hero "Zexal"

this Astral I'm putting together with Ryoga is a "man" (hence why he's slightly less agender now)

this Astral is "whole" (I'll have to explain this eventually, whenever I stop to put my thoughts in order that is) and his "role" now is to live his own life as he pleases (of course, still aiding Astral World etc..)

this Astral is more "human", he's darker and more mature too and, although he still doesn't show his emotions much, he does have them (unlike before) and he's able to identify them better now

well, the gist of it (in the beginning at least) is that they're licking each other's wounds, processing their heartbreak, pain and loss.. then some budding feelings start to bloom

the interactions (romance, sex, etc) will be very different because of how much Astral is changed, there will be a lot of tension and attrition, but the kind that connects and strengthen (if that makes any sense?)

I guess I didn't need to do much for Ryoga at all, since his personality and features are pretty much set in canon. It's pretty damn obvious he's in love with Yuma and I just had to play with that: he can't be with Yuma, so what now? If I remove IV/Thomas from the equation altogether (because in this headcanon they would be more like fuck buddies if they were to stay together) how to proceed with Ryoga? He likes Astral and considers him his friend because he likes and is friends with Yuma (and Yuma and Astral are the same guy also), so how to cause the shift and make Ryoga and Astral happen?

little bit of spoilers: Ryoga confesses first. He falls for Astral first

that flips a switch in Astral's mind

something something his bond with Yuma is still strong and the same, AND he is capable of bonding with other people too. He just didn't know or cared enough to bother

so.... that's where things might start getting out-of-character (but I don't really care that much to be honest?????). Unlike his relationship with Yuma, Astral's relationship with Ryoga will come full of intensity

and there's more to explore, you'll see.....

[epersonae]

ehehehehe time for fic writer asks! R, Z, AN, AP, BC, BV, and then BW, BX, and BY for carlita <3

GIRL THIS IS SO MANY

Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

fuck titles, all my homies hate titles, etc etc. I don't think I've ever come up with a title first, but I can't say never for sure, so: sometimes during, often after. occasionally it'll be a significant line from the story itself, sometimes it'll be the classic thing of looking for a song lyric (and sometimes that means you are pitching me TMG lyrics), and once I just ended up with the dumbest description and couldn't think of anything else. (Looking thru the first page of my recent works, I swear there's one of every possible methodology, and actually I think Commit to the Bit I had the title either before or very early during the writing!)

Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Carlita help (ie, for the benefit of all the broken hearts) - I say this both as a writer and about the story itself, the whole process has been a kind of extended madness, and also it's just a very odd piece altogether imho.

If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

we were talking about this on the phone yesterday! there is a scene in the next chapter of for the benefit of all the broken hearts that I would actually make good art. I also think there's some good visuals in the boss battle scene of The Reckoning Arrives that would be fun to have as art. (oooh, or Lucretia sitting at Taako's bedside after?) Oh, and Ed and Stede in the auxiliary closet in nice either way.

What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I just read the second chapter of Respawn and it's very good. This AU gets something about Stede that I really appreciate, and Izzy's intro is fucking hilarious.

Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Is it possible????? that the unnamed wife (aka carlita) of for the benefit of all the broken hearts???? has supplanted my other faves??? Which is tricky because she is more or less an OC, so I don't know if that counts.

Honestly, even though it's been ages, it might still be Lucretia, if only because I am fairly evenly split in my enjoyment of writing both Ed POV and Stede POV.

I don't think? reader reactions comes into it much, except maybe specifically your obsession with Carlita lol.

You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

THIS IS A FASCINATING QUESTION THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT. (I'm not digging it up now but I wrote a long rumination about that in re that collaborative Choose Your Own Adventure project, and trying to recognize writers I know.) Here's what I would say is particular to my unbetaed work: punctuation pokemon (gotta catch em all!), excessive parentheticals, "and then", and "is verbing". (I cautiously tag @gaypiratebrainrot who is by now exceedingly familiar with all my writing tics)

Thematically? idk. I'm pretty sure it's there, but I often don't notice those things until someone else points them out.

These three were requests about for the benefit of all the broken hearts specifically:

What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it? 

I don't know about the longest, but I'm pretty sure this most recent chapter (13) took the most drafts and the most reworking and rethinking.

There's so much going on, and all of the characters are finally "on deck" as it were, which means there's both a ton of conflicting emotions and motivations to keep track of AND "I am bedeviled by the matter of the pronouns" AND there's important action that takes place entirely off-page, and deliberately so, which meant I was resisting the need to write what that was because it was going to be throwaway writing, but it turns out I had to in order to make it work. The bit where Mary and Ed first meet backstage I probably ended up with four drafts altogether, including once where I threw out a huge chunk and just rewrote from scratch.

(oh plus I had a real life experience that necessitated a handful of little setting tweaks)

All of which is fair, because it's a big turning point and needs to be both surprising AND make sense in context. Which means I also had to go back to earlier points in the story and adjust in order to get some sense of foreshadowing, or at least plausibility. So thank you for pitching me on the idea for what turned out to the most difficult thing I've ever written in my entire goddamn life, I guess.

Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

I had this idea for something where Mary and Carlita would be painting together, maybe in the style of Jackson Pollack? (this may have been based on one of your pitches) And I can see it in my mind's eye but it just didn't work in context at all!

Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? 

I have two favorites, and one of them is the painting scene that I did write. I love the tension and the physicality of it. The other is in chapter 17, so a few chapters from now (YOU know the one), and I'm not going to spoil it but I like it a LOT.

[fic author asks]

[aerisleis-fics]

saw this tweet [here] and like immediately it resonated with me and I retweeted it. After I went in the kitchen and started dinner, I found myself puzzling on this tweet and turning it over in my mind over and over and I actually went back and added onto it in a QRT but I wanted to bring it here to talk about more in depth just because it's still sitting on my mind.

At risk of upsetting certain subsets of fandom... though this post isn't JUST about fandom, it's about life in general, tbh.

Not only is discomfort not inherently harm, it can actually be really, really important. It's important to learn to experience discomfort and to manage it. It's also sometimes really important to sit with it and find out WHY it makes you uncomfortable.

Yes, even for children. I'm not advocating for necessarily deliberately inflicting discomfort on people or whatever (in fandom verse that's literally why tagging exists! so people can decide if they want to read it or not!), but experiencing and tolerating a little bit of discomfort is actually really important. For growth. For learning about ourselves and the world around us. For learning to interact well with other people and how to navigate the ever changing world of media and technology and the veritable melting pot of culture that we're exposed to every single day in the modern era, etc. If you are never uncomfortable, you will not grow.

Sometimes someone communicates differently than you do, and that makes you uncomfortable. That doesn't mean their way is wrong. Sometimes discomfort is internalized racism, or transphobia, or homophobia, etc. Sometimes it's wanting something you (think you) can't have. Sometimes it's telling you that in your gut you know you did something wrong, that you've hurt someone, or whatever. Discomfort is sometimes telling you to look in the mirror.

And not always. Sometimes it IS something to be avoided - but thinking about why is important. Learning to experience discomfort, to consider it, and make an informed decision based on what you learn from the process is important.

This extends into the context of the reality that sometimes art in any form - written, visual, audio, animation - any form at all - Isn't MEANT to be comfortable. Sometimes it's really not. Sometimes it's meant to hold up a mirror to the darkest parts of us. Sometimes it's meant to expose the rotten underbelly of society, the dregs of humanity, and show that yes, even these things are still human. It's important to remember that these things are still human, because when you go "only a monster can do that" fascism and genocides can happen, can flourish, even, because we've forgotten that it is indeed our fellow men that do these terrible things.

But even barring that sometimes you're going to be uncomfortable. Sometimes the story/art/whatever isn't for you. And this feeds into the post that goes around sometimes about conflicting needs in safe spaces and that post hammers it out better than I can so I won't get into that in depth, I'll just say - the internet isn't (and fandom isn't), and cannot be, a safe space as a whole. People are too different, we need too many different things.

It's important to know where the discomfort is coming from. And it's also important to learn how to react when you are made uncomfortable by something. Because you will be. The world doesn't always come with trigger warnings. Things will happen. People will be different than you. People WILL make you uncomfortable. Sometimes they're doing something wrong, but sometimes they really aren't.

Learning how to remove yourself from the situation, how to filter the content if that's what you need to do, etcetc. These are incredibly important skills, you'll only gain them by exposure to discomfort. By learning to manage yourself when confronted with something that makes you uncomfortable. Learning how to handle your reaction so it doesn't ruin your entire day is important actually.

To circle this back to media, and fandom just a little, I was given pretty much free reign as a kid. My mom trusted me to come to her with questions I had, and taught me how to handle it if I was uncomfortable with something I ran across. I read some pretty terrible things, I also learned how to let them go, and how to parse my own reaction enough to understand if I needed to close the tab rather than continuing to read.

I think it's a shame that more people clearly haven't gotten that lesson and learned those tools. Learning them is drawing boundaries for yourself, and can help to carve out a safe space. But first, you have to learn that just because you have been made uncomfortable doesn't mean the person who did it is harming you.

Discomfort is good, actually. It's how you grow.

[yjwfiles04]

ᯓ ABOUT MY BLOG 𖦹.ᐟ (please give it time to read)

୨ৎ i write 18+ content and i strictly forbid minors to read those blogs.

୨ৎ i also write fluffs, angsts (i suggest that these are my only blogs that i allow minors to read.), and i explore different genres as well.

୨ৎ my stories are mostly written for fem!readers.

୨ৎ i'm only writing for enhypen hyung line + (sometimes) jungwon when it comes to 18+ (i didn't include sunoo and ni-ki for some 'hope you know' reason).

୨ৎ my works are deliberately lowercased. (i may or may not change it)

୨ৎ i don't tolerate hate asks and comments and will be blocked away immediately.

୨ৎ my fics do not portray idols (enhypen members) in real life, these are just a figment of the imagination. please do not take this as representative of who the members are in real life. fiction ≠ reality.

୨ৎ i appreciate criticism and feedback, i learn and improve in the process.

୨ৎ racist, sexist, ableist, religious prejudice, homophobic, any sorts of prejudice, and etc. asks and comments will not be entertained and tolerated.

୨ৎ i do accept requests, feel free to send any and talk to me anytime, i'm more than happy to make friends. ^_^ (but know your limits)

୨ৎ i am not a slow writer but i lack of inspiration and time management- it may take some time for me to finish doing things (please understand).

୨ৎ all the works i post are my own works and i did not taken/ stolen/translated/ copied/ plagiarized/ rewritten/ reposted them from someone. i only post my works here and i do not allow anyone to copy, translate, plagiarize, or rewrite any of my works.

ᯓ WHAT I DON'T WRITE ᝰ.ᐟ

୨ৎ pedophilia

୨ৎ rape

୨ৎ non-con

୨ৎ incest

i hope you get the idea >_<

ᯓ REQUEST GUIDELINES ⭑.ᐟ (temporarily closed)

୨ৎ i take requests for enhypen hyung line only.

୨ৎ please be specific as possible! you may provide all necessary details so i can so that i can write it properly and to the best of my ability.

୨ৎ it also takes time for me to write so allow time for me to get to your request, plan it, and write it (please be patient).

୨ৎ i have every right to decline a request if i feel others would be uncomfortable reading it, if they're not my cup of tea, and i don't have the confidence writing it.

୨ৎ you will be tagged in your request unless it is sent anonymously.

yjwfiles04 on tumblr.

[eregyrn-falls]

^^^^^^ !!!!!

There's so much I'd like to add but it would be carrying coals to Newcastle. Great post! (And a lot of great tag-rants in the notes, too.)

I did want to add one thought to this set of tags from @achromaticegoist, about the punch in particular.

It took me a long while to realize it, but not only is the punch reflective of a whole lot of things about Ford's state of mind on his arrival back through the portral... but, it also serves as some really interesting closure (and I'm not even sure the writers realized it).

In the episode, it's told out of order, so we see the punch FIRST. But later in the ep, when we see the fight that led to Ford going through the portal in the first place, what happens is that he and scan are scuffling, and there's that moment when Ford pushes Stan off with his foot and inadvertantly presses Stan against the glowing (apparently red-hot) symbol on the side of the control panel.

Stan screams in pain, of course. And immediately, Ford is suddenly worried, and contrite. He says, "Stanley! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! Are you alr-"

And Stan punches him in the face.

That punch is what sends Ford stumbling out into the portal room and falling against the activation lever; and landing inside the danger zone. Ford does get up, but before he gets a chance to say anything else, Stan shoves the journal into his chest, Ford begins to float, and the disaster unfolds from there.

We don't spend enough time thinking that, basically, from Ford's point of view (if he replayed those last moments over and over in his head, as he probably did), the last things that Stan did to him was: punch him in the face, and then shoving him into the portal. The latter was accidental (though disastrous); but the first kind of wasn't. Ford stopped fighting, switching to concern and apology. While Stan lashing out due to the pain is understandable, Stan's punch is what prevents the fight from being over.

Ford coming out of the portal 30 years later and immediately punching Stan in the face kind of creates a book-end with that earlier punch from Stan, doesn't it? Ford getting to hit back the way he didn't (wouldn't?) 30 years ago. (He stands up, but he just stands there angrily staring at and listening to Stan as he approaches. He doesn't try to leap at Stan again or try to wrestle him for the book, etc. Was Ford, effectively, done fighting the moment Stan got seriously hurt?)

As I said, I'm not sure the writers were thinking about that consciously. I don't remember hearing them comment about it (i.e. that Ford's punch was a mirror of the punch that Stan gave him 30 years prior). But I do like to look at what's written and think about it in terms of, these scenes are deliberately written, the way it goes and the details included are chosen, often at the end of a long process of collaboration. I think that what's chosen for the final version is always very interesting.

And I just don't often see people discuss that moment where Ford stops fighting, and immediately becomes worried and apologetic. Not least because, like... up to that point in the series, we haven't seen Stan be apologetic very often. A few times, yes! And it's always notable when he does it. It clashes with the exterior he presents to the world; the man for whom saying "Please" gives him physical pain, etc. Some of which is meant for laughs, too! And some of which is just the product of being hardened by experience and so on.

It tells us something, I think, that Stan truly getting hurt, and screaming in pain, is enough to end Ford's desire to fight. That even after 10+ years of estrangement, he's that ready to be concerned for Stan; and that he's that ready with an apology. Later reads of Ford (post-portal) will portray him as the man who won't say "thank you", and I have other thoughts and feelings about that. But getting back to this, it's the show's choice to have Ford stop their fight and make a slight turn towards a sort of reconciliation. When they could have easily just had him and Stan keep fighting and struggling and the portal turn on because of that. It's such an interesting writing decision; and I just don't hear people dig into what it means for the characters very often.

What's your stance on Ford as a person? Honestly, I believe that for thr majority of canon he is a bad person. But I believe he grew. Still not great though XD

(Love him anyways obvs)

I disagree entirely! I think he's equally as good a person as any of the other main cast.*

*Except Mabel, who, as we all know, is always right about everything.**

(**This is a lighthearted joke. For the love of god, I don't want Mabel discourse in my inbox.)

His biggest sins in the show:

After telling his brother that he was thinking about changing their shared life plans, and then discovering that his brother had gone to the high school that night for no good reason and gone to the science fair for no good reason and messed around near Ford's science project for no good reason and broke it and didn't tell Ford about it... Ford believed Stan did it intentionally and held a grudge for it. You know what, it WOULD be pretty damn hard to believe it was an accident.

Hilariously ill-equipped to cope with Fiddleford's mental health. A guy who responds to "I have anxiety" with "have you tried yoga, it helps me" isn't a bad person, he's clueless. "Character cheerfully enacts a bad idea while a loved one in the background goes NO PLEASE DON'T DO THAT" describes half the episodes of Gravity Falls.

Was successfully manipulated by a professional manipulator into believing his best friend wished him ill. Man, what a terrible person Ford is for being manipulated by a manipulator and saying cruel things to somebody he'd been genuinely convinced was trying to harm him.

??? Didn't say thanks to a guy he was still mad at after the guy fixed a problem he himself had caused. This is a solitary example of stubborn bad etiquette, jesus christ. There's half a dozen different reasons why it makes perfect sense Ford wasn't in the right mindset to feel grateful, this is not something worth indicting his entire character over.

He had high ambitions, which everyone seems to lambast him for, but high ambitions that wouldn't have required doing anybody harm! (Until the professional manipulator started manipulating him into harming the people around him, but we are going to demonstrate some reading comprehension and not blame Ford's underlying morality as a person for things he never would've done if not for Bill's bullying, con artistry, and outright lies.) Like, what is it that he wanted to do with his life? Use his talents to get rich and famous? Shit, that's exactly what Stan wanted to do with his life. It's what Dipper fantasizes about doing with his life. Even Mabel, who thinks about her long-term future the least, dreams big with her art & performances and is already making big money off cheap-ass commissions. What terrible people they all are, for—let me check my notes here—uhhh... unrealistically fantasizing about achieving success in life by doing the things they're good at.

When their dad accuses Stan of lying as a child, Ford puts his entire summer on the line to defend Stan even though he knows Stan is a habitual liar and has no reason to believe Stan is telling the truth this time.

When his new college roommate he barely even knows gets laughed at for proposing an outlandish scientific theory, his first emotion is outrage at this injustice and he drops everything to convince his already-despondent roommate that he was right and help him prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

When he moves to a new town, he tries again and again to befriend his new neighbors, and fails not because he's rude or a jerk, but because he's awkward as hell, tells terrible jokes, and sucks at identifying phoenixes.

When Fiddleford gets hurt around him, he cares about it, feels guilty about putting him in that position, doesn't want it to happen again, and tries his best to help even though he's bad at helping.

When he gets kidnapped by a weird holiday folklore creature, he concludes without even thinking about it that he's now in charge of protecting and rescuing the kidnapped kids. Yeah, then he immediately starts hollering at the folklore creature for trying to impose his religious beliefs on Ford and the kids—but like, Ford was right tho, he just had bad timing.

When he discovers that the Northwest family committed atrocities against their poorer neighbors a century ago, his first instinct is to march up to their house, find the first Northwest he can locate, and give them a piece of his mind for it. Like, this won't even FIX anything. He's just THAT OUTRAGED over the injustice.

When he sees what he thinks is a fortune telling fraud conning the people, he attempts to debunk her because he's mad to see someone cheating other people with lies—and when he can't debunk her, he just leaves her alone rather than harass her about it. Typically, if assholes think somebody's doing something wrong but don't have any proof of it and fail to get proof when they look, they decide they're right anyway and keep giving that person shit. Ford doesn't give her shit. That's the opposite of an asshole move.

When he discovers his Portal To Knowledge (And Fame & Fortune) is actually a Portal To Doom (But Still Possibly Fame & Fortune, Maybe Even Godly Power), he isn't tempted for a second to keep working on it anyway. There is no moment where Bill manages to tempt him. No matter what Bill offers, no matter how long Bill offers, never, at ANY point, does Ford have a SECOND of "but what if I did make a deal with the devil?" the way so many heroes in similar situations often do.

You ever notice that? So often moral moments in the show are presented as choices the characters make. Will or won't Dipper give Bill a "puppet" in exchange for knowledge. Will or won't Stan fight a pterodactyl to protect Mabel's pig. Will or won't Mabel hand Bipper the journal. Ford is never given a "will or won't he" moment over Bill's threats, offers of friendship, or offers of infinite power—he steamrolls straight past them without a second of consideration—because, to him, the selfish, cowardly, easy choice ISN'T EVEN AN OPTION. He doesn't even SEE it as making a choice because the possibility of doing the wrong thing is invisible. A character who wavers first before turning Bill down would look more noble for "overcoming" temptation—it's harder to notice just how much stronger Ford's moral compass must be to not even feel temptation in the first place.

Greed and pride never tempt him to join Bill's side. Exhaustion, despair, and fear never tempt him to give up. He bears up under weeks, possibly months of extreme sleep deprivation, physical torture, psychological torture, emotional torture, threats of death, threats of brainwashing, threats to his family. He doesn't hold up so that he can pat himself on the back for being a hero—if that was all it was he would've gone "screw it, this isn't worth it and nobody would know I'm the one who gave up" a week in—he does it because he simply knows it must be done and because he's so isolated (half because of Bill's influence!) that he believes he's the one who must do it, all alone.

Thinking he has to do it by himself isn't egotism or pride; it's helplessness. He thinks no one else stands a chance. He thinks he's alone.

And, when he discovers his Portal To Knowledge is a Portal To Doom, he immediately feels guilty. No trying to deny the situation to protect his ego. No shuffling the blame off to someone else. No "maybe the apocalypse could have a silver lining!" No locking the door and trying to ignore the problem. He blames himself for being fooled—he IMMEDIATELY takes full responsibility for his actions—and he CONTINUES to take responsibility FOR THE NEXT THIRTY YEARS.

He takes more responsibility than is even warranted—he treats himself like he's an idiot for believing in an APPARENT GOD who's been practicing manipulating humans for thousands of years and who had never given Ford reason to believe the portal was anything but what Bill said it was. He beats himself up to no end every single time his past with Bill comes up. He even keeps beating himself up thirty years later when he's shoving warning notes to future readers in Bill's evil unkillable book!

When he falls into the multiverse, he dedicates his entire life NOT to finding a way to rescue himself, but to finding a way to permanently stop the CHAOS GOD who's still at the threshold of destroying Ford's world and countless others. He makes himself a hated criminal in the process, just to stop Bill. He's ready to spend the rest of his life trying to protect a world he doesn't think he'll ever see again. He does it because, as he sees it, somebody has to stand in between the children and the obnoxious folklore cryptid menacing them, and he's the only adult in this damn cave with the skills and knowledge for the job.

When he gets home, he doesn't tell his family about Bill and his quest because he's afraid that doing so will get them involved and endanger them too—and because he's too deeply ashamed of himself and his mistakes to stand the thought of his family knowing about the horrible things he's done (AGAIN, WHILE BEING MANIPULATED BY THE GOD OF MANIPULATION).

He loves his great-niece and great-nephew the second he lays eyes on them; he nevertheless tries to steer away from them to keep them safe from Bill; and yet he caves to the very first temptation to emotionally bond with his great-nephew he gets, because in spite of his noble "keep them safe" intentions, he wants so so badly to be close to his family.

As pissed as he still is at Stan and even though neither of them can look at each other without hissing like cats, he still makes an attempt to start bridging their divide by inviting him to play DD&MD.

When the apocalypse happens, he immediately puts his life on the line to try to kill Bill.

And when he's captured, isn't fazed for a second by Bill's offers or threats... until his family is threatened. The exact thing he'd been trying to avoid & prevent from the very start.

And when he's reunited with Fiddleford, his immediate reaction is to point out that Fiddleford's well within his rights to hate him—which isn't a new revelation, it's not like Ford had to do any soul-searching to reach this conclusion, he'd concluded that 30 years ago the instant he realized Bill had played him and that he'd been lied to about Fiddleford.

And then he tries to kill Bill again.

And then he's ready to sacrifice his own life to kill Bill—and the only reason he doesn't is because he has a metal plate preventing him from making the sacrifice... but, Stan doesn't have a plate. If Ford hadn't had the metal plate, he would have gladly done the exact same thing Stan did—and he would have thought it was right for him and only him to make that sacrifice, because it's VERY clear he feels (and has felt from the start) that this is all his fault and he's obligated to fix it.

Over and over and over, these are Ford's two defining character traits: getting so pissed off at injustice that his common sense shuts off and he goes into terminator mode until he's righted this wrong as best he can, even when he can't actually do anything about it; and feeling like he's Atlas, weighed down with the full responsibility of fixing everything he's done wrong and made to believe that, for everyone else's sake, he has to do it all alone. Even when doing so puts himself in harm's way, even when he has to put his entire life on hold for it, even if it might cost him his life. Scrape off his awkward social skills, his loneliness, his nerdiness, his endless curiosity, his zealous love of the strange, his starry ambitions, his yearning for recognition and success—scrape his personality down to the bone and that's what you're left with. A man who believes in defending the exploited so strongly that it makes him a little stupid.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that you probably don't think Stan's fundamentally a bad person, and that you probably think that isn't even worth questioning. Stan's made a whole career out of swindling people, conning them out of as much money as he possibly can, stealing, lying, committing a long list of goofily-named crimes, and attempting douchy pick-up artistry on women; and to cap it all off, he held the safety of the entire universe hostage to demand a goddamn "thank you." Don't send me any "But he had reasons—" "But it was only to—" I don't need it, I don't want the essay, I'm not arguing that Stan's a bad guy, it's fine.

But. You can look at Stan's moments of cruelty and unkindness, his uncharitable thoughts, his character flaws, and think, "that doesn't define him. He's more than his cruelest moments and worst mistakes. He's imperfect, but he cares so much and his heart's in the right place, and beneath all the flaws his core is good."

And if you can't do the same for Ford, it's not because he's a worse person. It's because we got two seasons with Stan and five and a half episodes with Ford—and while we saw Stan yearning to fish with the kids or encouraging Mabel to whoop Pacifica's butt at minigolf or crying over a black and white period drama or punching zombies to save his family, we only saw Ford at the worst moments in his life and under the stress of a prolonged apocalyptic crisis—and, it so happens, all the moments he was pissed at the guy we spent two seasons learning to love.

Ford's got moments of cruelty and unkindness, uncharitable thoughts, and character flaws. But, at his core, he's a good person, and he always has been, and he still is.

[skelltan]

what is "fool's work?"

i am nothing if not introspective. every action i take is deliberate, meticulously planned out, and i am always seeking the steps i can take to better myself, define goals and pursue them.

i have had a lot of stop and start endeavors, and this is the latest in that; only, this is to be THE endeavor. this is the credo i use to dictate every piece of creative work i create from hereon out.

it's too easy to start and stop; if i am to tie all my works together through the lens of "fool's work", it'll allow me to introspect upon my work more and understand what i have done and what i want to do, whether it be to change direction or to continue what i've started. all of it is "fool's work", the work of the fool - not because i am idiotic, but because i am like the fool of tarot who always strives to learn. sometimes this will lead me to dead ends, other times it will lead to progress.

there were two main inspirations for this process; watching a video essay by "In Praise of Shadows" on youtube about the comic Strangehaven by Gary Spencer Millidge. truthfully, i've yet to finish the video, but i felt enough motivation from what i have watched to inspire myself. i found myself identifying greatly with millidge's drive to do something without caring about the scrutiny of publishers or material gain, and how he had dabbled in various other experiences - this contrasts with how dedicated he finds himself to his work.

that leads to my latter inspiration. unlike gary, i don't have the burdern to self print, publish, etc. i can simply publish what i wish on the internet. i've always admired early internet and how more insular it felt - this ties together with my general admiration for the idea of a community as opposed to how the internet has only divided us and left us strangers in our separate chambers, both online and in real life.

so, to put a long story short, that's what i wish to do - to categorize all my works in order to gain a better understanding of them, and to publish things online that i truly wish to pursue rather than view art as a trade, and if anyone likes it, that's a bonus, whether that be any friends i show or random online onlookers.

if i were to distill it into three main points, which i will not further articulate too far, as i feel i have done so adequately already; fool's work is:

passion projects

malleable

never the focus of my life

i will expand on the final point; i may go months without updating something, for example, but it may not be dead; it ties back to the first point of being a passion project and the prior point of it being non commercial. i will not stress myself to do something because i have a ravenous fanbase or i have bills to pay. my work is primarily to indulge in my creative impulses with no bounds whatsoever first and foremost. i will not struggle trying to perfect my craft until i create a masterpiece that will make me rich, only to worry about how to follow it up. any possible praise, fandom or monetary gain that may result from this will always be secondary, such is fool's work.

if it was not clear, any time i create a piece of work i feel is complete enough to post, i will post it on this blog via this tag. however, due to the malleable nature of fool's work, the "main hub" of where i post is subject to change, such as if i find an avenue more suitable than tumblr - but if that is the case, i will make it known.

otherwise, i feel these are very good ground rules to what fool's work is.

[cyberspiderrrr]

Quick warning for my reblog it is long as heck there is a tl;dr at the bottom I think the major point here is no neurotypical could feel like they don’t fit in anywhere and would resort to labeling as adhd or autistic or etc. like that can’t happen. that’s not a neurotypical thing to do. ofc nts can feel like they don’t fit in but they also don’t feel like they fit in with nds either and they know they shouldn’t be there “There is so much more to you than your label” A neurotypical could never pick it out. If they feel seen by reading through the symptoms of adhd or autism or ocd or bipolar or whatever they’ve got something wrong that might be hard to see initially but if that’s the case that’s not what you should be saying to these people. This isn’t what you should be saying to *anyone* but especially not people struggling with not understanding their mental health which is what this post is directed at. “It’s OK to be allistic, there are a million ways to be special without any kind of label.” OOP is professionally diagnosed and if they’re considering themselves on the same mental playing field as these so implied “misguided children” that probably means they think they’re special for it. And if they don’t think that again, this isn’t what you should be saying to these people.  “Self diagnosis is not valid, but you are, as a person, because you are capable of changing your ways and embracing what makes you TRULY special.” As the tumblr op my-autism-adhd-blog said does this person know how much time and money this takes? You need to see a specialist to get diagnosed. You need to show symptoms and have someone notice and go through the process and that’s assuming you can even get yourself to someone who can evaluate you.

 And if you’re a little kid who doesn’t know how to unmask you might not even get diagnosed if you go through the whole process. Self and peer diagnosis is the best most people have at their disposal. All that and coming back to the “special” point; Neurotypicals don’t feel at home in neurodivergent spaces as we don’t feel at home in theirs and no amount of self-gaslighting can change that. Now genuine fakers aren’t a thing, and if I had to guess they’d probably tend to say they’re self diagnosed but that’s deliberate. That’s an intentional facade. ‘...heal from the mindset that a neurodivergent label will make you look cool and validate quirky behaviors...” Okay you know who feels most comfortable around people with neurodivergent labels? Neurodivergent people. That’s kinda, uh, the point. People who use them who shouldn’t be don’t want neurodivergent attention usually. Or don’t get it at all because they don’t trigger the neurospiciness radar.  “I truly sympathize with those who have suffered with symptoms all their lives but never received an assessment.” Uh... no you don’t. Left-handedness chart maybe? Of course there’s more people saying they’re neurodivergent than diagnosed. It’s hard as hell to get diagnosed. That and... these people are. the people posting about autism on reddit and tumblr and twitter and tiktok and youtube and everywhere else. They’re the people populating neurodivergent owned and managed, the head admin’s pronouns are he/spark/it system-friendly discord servers. They’re the people making posts like this. They’re the people using these tags. You’re looking at all of these people and if a professional hasn’t spoken to them and judged they’re autistic they’re just faking and they just want attention. I counter this person, *you* are the one who needs to find a way to be special outside of your neurodivergent label. “...I can see how learning about autism can be validating, empowering and even healing to some. But, times have changed...” They have, and you might be frightened by this incredibly high amount of autistic teenagers in your midst. I know anectodal evidence isn’t the best thing to use to prove my point, but my mother is a great example of this. She has autism, and probably also adhd, but is she diagnosed? nope! do you notice she has either while talking to her? not if you don’t know her well! she got masking beaten into her by *her* mother and never learned how to unmask completely because she didn’t know that’s what she was doing. If you know enough people in a family you can trace the autism inheritance. Times have changed, yes, but for the better as this information has become more widely available through the internet allowing kids to realize they have autism way, way ahead of if and when they would without.  “It’s created much disdain from us diagnosed autistics throughout the years...” Yeah, and that’s a huge misunderstanding. That’s a lack of knowledge of what this all is. Rivalry between diagnosed and undiagnosed people is a *shame* it is only caused by the professionally diagnosed not understanding why the self or peer diagnosed are the way they are. It’s gatekeeping it’s misunderstanding but the point is they all have autism, or adhd, or ocd, or whatever disorder because if I had to guess this is true for every community around stuff like this. People can be wrong but people includes professionals. If I continued to pick apart OOP quote by quote here I’d end up reiterating a lot of points so I’m gonna stop here, but I do want to open up a discussion on this. Respond with your novellas!! i’d love to read them!!   TL;DR 1. A neurotypical would never identify as neurodivergent as they wouldn’t feel at home or feel cool for it 2.OOP do you feel special for having the tism? is that where you see yourself in the world? which yeah fair but like?? 3.Getting diagnosed is hell 4.There’s a lot of self diagnosed kids because of the internet allowing them to learn about autism or adhd from people who have it. Not because of any desire to feel special. 

Saw this on Reddit. What’s your thoughts on this? I don’t think many realize how much money and time it takes to actually get a diagnosis. This goes for everyone. Not just kids. There are self diagnosed adults out there too…

[eulangelo]

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling​)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ] 

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post. 

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with. 

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

[matan4il]

hello, I just wanted to ask you a quick question about your meta process. Do you play Devil's Advocate while analysing? I mean, do you ask yourself if there's a non-buddie explanation for everything (plotline, foreshadowing), or do you just instantly go for the Buddie explanation. I'm just curious because sometimes it feels like meta writers don't do that, and I get that your focus is on the buddie-mess of it, but surely in order to persuade anyone that your view of a thing is correct, you have to disprove all over possible explanation. You know, like Sherlock Holmes said "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"

Hi Nonnie! Good question.

So the short answer is yes and no. I do take into consideration other explanation. Not whether they exist, 'coz if someone's adamant, there is always an alternate explanation. I have, for example, shipped non-canon het ships that can be compared to Buddie, and for them too, every romantic trope could as an idea be explained away. So the question isn't whether there's an alternate explication, it's how often do we see what has most often been a romantic trope being used with a platonic duo, how hard do we have to work to come up with an alternate explanation, are the tropes used in a way that's different to the treatment of actual platonic bonds (like Hen and Chim) etc. So I don't immediately go for the Buddie explanation and there were things that I saw how one could infer a Buddie interpretation for them, but I felt it wasn't the more immediate one, so I never included them in my meta posts.

At the same time, I'm also not looking to "prove" anything. I'm not a detective trying to solve a mystery and having to prove that my solution is the correct one. I started out writing my meta 'coz my whole point was, "we're not crazy, this is what we're seeing because the show has made some very deliberate choices, here is what I see and why I think it's intentional." But at the end of the day, I'm not trying to convince anyone. I'm a person online expressing my POV. I could be right, I could be wrong. My POV isn't better than anyone else's. And I'm certainly not trying to push any agenda, just say what I see in the show and what it was the show which made me into a Buddie shipper. I think that's true for most Buddie shippers: we didn't start watching to ship Buddie, forcing our interpretation on the show. 911 kept throwing romantic tropes at us in relation to Buddie which made us start shipping them.

So that’s my answer, yes and no. I do take other possible takes into account, I don't automatically try to turn everything into Buddie "proof" but I also don't feel the need to try and convince anyone. People who see what I do and enjoy my posts are amazing, people who disagree with my takes are also great. Let everyone enjoy what makes them happy! It’s a difficult life, fandom should bring relief and joy, not the burden of proving anything to anyone.

I hope I managed to explain myself? :) Please do let me know and have a wonderful day! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)