#t posts six times each. this is i think the first time this has happened since i started doing these regularly

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

2024 tuesdaypost retrospective

it's hard not to make this all about my nearly full 365 days of unemployment. i have cut a great deal from this wrapup. thank you all for your love and support (often financial!) this year :') it has never been scarier to have no familial safety net and i really, really appreciate all of you relative strangers (i have met very few of you in person!)

jobs applied to: my best estimate is 4500 given my daily target balanced with periods of more acute despair and physical illness

interviews: 2

calls to the massachusetts unemployment agency: 73

cats spayed and/or neutered: 3 (phil, orange boy, ruby)

eclipses seen: 1

hurricanes: 1

completely fallow weeks: 5

i have GOT to be more specific about writing out loud what worked and what didn't work instead of resorting to "vibes were off". i also have to remember to be better about saying where i found things and saying the premise/genre of the film. i try to draft these on sunday nights so i can kind of mull things over for a bit, but that rarely happened this year.

highlights of the year: a tomato plant in a five gallon bucket, hotvintagepoll, the eclipse, my new zebrawood desk, throwing my own birthday party (NOT passive aggressive it was very comforting to be in full control), ren faire, the modern zelda games, genshin impact, heist films, naomi novik's temeriare series, Navigational Entanglements by Aliette de Bodard, the Popping Tins newsletter about tinned fish products, new joywave and beyonce and charli xcx and kesha albums, and an actual play podcast focused on critical worldbuilding smart characterization and fun interaction between good friends.

questions? comments? concerns? something about the structure/critique of these posts or a work i talked about really click or really not work for you? i would love to know!

listening

all the tuesdaysongs are in one spotify playlist below. if i recced a whole album (only did that this year with The Offline’s La couleur de la mer and Toshiyuke Honda's SONGS OF THE MILKY WAY ) i put the song i thought most representative of the album.

special shoutouts to the Well There's Your Problem engineering disasters podcast, the Sangfielle season of Friends at the Table, The 404 Media Podcast news/tech/culture podcast, and the Whale Hunting podcast about financial crimes.

i would like to find music through other avenues than the spotify weekly recs playlists, especially since the platform has noticeably nosedived after their last round of firing people. unforch i have yet to find a music influencer/blog/tastemaker/podcast whose tastes jive with my own.

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reading

the sort of three broad categories of stuff i talk about in the reading section are articles, comics, and actual books. fairly pleased with my RSS feed, which is filling the twitter hole and also has a separate Real US News tab i can look at in a more controlled manner. people seem to have liked the article/book combo bc reading a book a week is usually kind of a heavy lift for people who are employed. as long as i do either an article or a book i feel like this category is checked off in my brain. i would like to do both more weeks and figure out how to do more concise book reports. i am pleased that people seem to like the couple weeks of giant DNF lists where i briefly state why i did not finish a specific older scifi paperback.

shoutout to @rae-being-naughty for introducing me to one of my favorite new authors, t kingfisher! what a delectable niche. those books go down SO easy. shoutouts also to the temeraire books, Trouble And Her Friends by Melissa Scott (what if neuromancer was good?), Dark Wire by Joseph Cox (nonfiction about the encrypted phone company the FBI shadow-ran) and Witch Hat Atelier.

the OPPOSITE of a shoutout to the most frustrating books i did not finish this year, a fragile enchantment by allison saft (the very weird fantasy meghan/harry fantasy au????) and jennifer dugan's the ride of her life, a cowgirl wlw romance that had some kid pop up in the second chapter and yell about how they shipped the leads and were making a tiktok about it. hello??????? huh????? i had that book on hold for SIX MONTHS. what the fuck did people see in that book???

reading and holding and interacting with a physical hard copy book is so much better for my shattered attention span, and i have giant bookcases full of physical books i desperately want to read, but i read ebooks so much faster. a dilemma that will for sure continue into the new year.

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watching

logged almost 169 things on letterboxd this year so far (almost nice). the giant spike is when i watched a a dozen individually loggable betty boop shorts. tasty tasty stats.

saw one entire film (howl's moving castle) in theaters and i do not think i will be doing that again bc (while fun) it was a very anxiety inducing experience.

more tv and shorts and tv comprised entirely of shorts than i expected to watch this year!

watching highlights of the year:

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playing

the gaming rig i bought in 2020 is really staring to show its age and only very light-resource pc games are feasible rn. very many thanks to both @sybilius and @pasta-pardner who both bought me games i will one day play!

spent most of the year with big open world exploration/puzzle/action games, as is traditional. barely touched a fallout this year, which is less traditional.

by hours, the ranking is probably

genshin impact

breath of the wild

tears of the kingdom

STUFF SORT on my phone

stardew valley

powerwash simulator

what are people interested in seeing in this section?

the trouble with this section is that has been a thorn in my side basically since i started this series, but games are such a part of my life it feels weird NOT talking about them? but talking about video games is difficult bc none of them are very good. i find myself Still a little burned out on them even after almost three years on from the video games job. finding something fun and free on itch or steam is very time-consuming. every time i talk about genshin i feel like i have to caveat it with one million Don't Play Gacha Games warning stickers like the ones that come on cigarettes. and i don't feel like a screenshot of whatever achievement i hunted on genshin in a specific week is very interesting to people.

maybe the solution is to cut this section for a while and have a special bonus add on section every once in a while??? i dunno. would love to know people's thoughts here on how to make talking about/telling stories about the games i play more interesting.

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making

the tuesdayposts as a whole have been both very good and very bad for my mental health, bc i really needed a project to work on to break up the soul crushing monotony of writing cover letters. however writing the tuesdaypost every week was often a very anxiety inducing expereince bc i felt like i didn't do much. or did stuff very unevenly. the "point" of the tuesdayposts is to remind myself every week that absorbing a lot of different things helps me stay on a more even keel. esp in times of great unrest. unfortunately, a year of unemployment.

i saw my siblings twice, managed to actually write and post christmas cards, framed a bunch of shit, discovered a new favorite soup, and did some indifferent gardening and cross stitch.

the making section this year tended to be more lifestyle blogging/what i cleaned. a lot of weeks i did not have Anything in the tank except basic vacuuming and halfhearted wiping counters down.

however??? i managed to post three fics??? two were previously written but at least they are no longer languishing on my harddrive??

this goofy little NFT genderswap blondeyes has the craziest hits to kudos ratio on anything ive ever written.

i really do intend on finishing this cait/fahrenheit 5+1. the stars have not been aligned.

this very brief crossover has gotten some of the loveliest comments!!! when i am done directing and choreographing the big prisoner/arcade argument in my brain i am excited to actually write that.

im genuinely for real afraid to ask or expect anything of 2025, but here it comes anyway!

[artificial-transmutations]

ATArena

Alexander's phone dinged with a notification, just as he left the exam. It was a beautiful summer afternoon, and he was still talking with a few other students, so, naturally, he ignored the unexpected noise. Even though Alexander was certainly a digital native, he found it rude to check his phone while in company of others. He didn't particularly enjoy his current company: He found Christopher the guy that was currently bragging about how easy the exam was slightly annoying, but that wasn't a reason not to show good manners.

Only after their ways split, Alexander unlocked his phone and saw the notification: "Your watched App, ATArena, is now available."

ATArena? Alexander didn't remember he had watched an app with that name. Still, the notification seemed genuine and lead him to the app marketplace where he could initiate the download. The description was sparse: "An epic battle with a revolutionary matchmaking algorithm that will extend into real life!"

That sounded like an AR game of some sort. Alexander had enjoyed the big Pokeman Run hype some years ago and certainly didn't mind giving this app a try.

When he opened the app for the first time, it asked him for the usual: His real name as well as his nickname. Alexander put in the same for the latter that he used everywhere: Lex_88. A short busy spinner appeared and finally, a message box greeted him:

"Welcome to ATArena, Lex_88! A suitable opponent has already been found. Connecting now..."

After he tapped "Ok", a chat interface opened:

TopShot joined the game.

TopShot: Hi.

Alexander didn't know how to react exactly. He was socially awkward, but ignoring the unknown other player would be rude. So, he just typed:

Lex_88: Hi.

Before any of them could type anything else, a popup opened:

"Battle available! Tap to play."

Alexander tapped the button and wondered what would happen now. Was this some kind of word puzzle or quiz against each other?

What opened though, was a simple depiction of three six-sided dice. When Alexander tapped them, a roll animation appeared until they settled at 14 eyes in total. Not bad!

"Lex_88 rolled: 14. TopShot rolled: 10. Lex_88 wins!"

The screen changed to a wheel of fortune now, which was already in motion. When it came to a stop, it showed a muscled arm emoji and the sparkling word "Bicep size" appeared on his screen.

Immediately, Alexander felt a weird tingling in his upper arms, accompanied by a tightness in the sleeves of his sweater. He locked his phone and scratched his arms but stopped immediately when his fingers met unexpected resistance. His upper arms seemed to have... swollen? What was happening?

Still on the university campus, Alexander made a dash for the nearest restroom and pulled off his sweater. He could hardly believe his eyes: His biceps had grown *considerably*, straining the seams of the t-shirt he wore underneath. When he moved his arms, the muscles bulged and contracted. It was a surreal feeling for sure. Was that the doing of this game?

Alexander unlocked his phone again saw a new message:

"Challenge! Record a video flexing your guns and upload it to social media!"

When he dismissed the message, he typed a message to his opponent.

Flex_88💪: Holy shit! My arms just grew!

Alexander stopped for a moment. Flex_88💪? That wasn't his nickname. Yet, when he scrolled up, it clearly appeared that way - that was the name saying "Hi." in the message before. It wasn't that far off from his usual nickname, which was... Flex_88💪. What was he even thinking about? That was just his screen name that he used almost everywhere, because of his biceps, obviously. His last message didn't make much sense, though. He added a:

Flex_88💪: I mean, they're pretty big, as always. Never mind!

It didn't feel good to brag, but there didn't seem to be a way to delete the message. But he might as well do the challenge now. It wasn't that unusual for him to post pictures and videos of his arms on social media, so, he recorded a short clip, made sure to crop out his surroundings and his face and sent the video to his LaterGram profile.

Just as he was done, TopShot had answered:

TopShot: Uhm, good for you, dude.

TopShot: Seems like you've won the last game.

Flex_88💪: Yeah, but it was pure luck. I'm sure you're gonna win the next one.

As if on cue, another "Battle available" popup opened. This time, Alexander's roll was pretty bad. The dice showed 2-5-2, bringing him to a meager 9, a bit below the expected value.

"Flex_88💪 rolled: 9. TopShot rolled: 9. Tie! Both win!"

Apparently, TopShot wasn't having a very lucky day, either. The wheel turned and showed a drop emoji. Alexander was still thinking about what could be the meaning of the drop, when the word appeared: "Libido".

Libido? So, this was an 18+ game? Still, Alexander felt hot all of a sudden. His cock was stiffing up and he realized that it had been ages since his last jerk-off. Hornyness clouded his mind, when the next popup opened:

"Challenge! Use a pick-up line on someone you fancy."

Alexander was usually way too shy to approach another guy, but in his current situation even thinking about sending someone a pick-up line seemed like a good idea. He could just send that TopShot guy one, he had the advantage that Alexander didn't know him and probably never would meet.

He thought about his options and decided that a classic would be the best choice.

Flex_88💪: You know, my arms aren't the only thing big right now ;-)

It only took a moment for the other player to respond.

SwitchHit: I know what you mean.

SwitchHit sent an image.

Alexander hesitated only a bit before he opened the image. Yep. It was a picture of a tented boxershorts, snapped from a hastily opened pair of pants. Alexander could feel his cock throb. If he wasn't in public... No, he had to restrain himself. Even though he was still horny, which really wasn't unusual for him, he took a breather and tried to fight his boner down. He had just masturbated before he left for class, it was just amazing how needy his cock could be. His phone dinged as he readjusted himself and left the bathroom.

SwitchHit: Looking forward to the next game. I mean it's just dice rolling and stupid challenges, but it's fun.

Even though Alexander agreed, something seemed off. Had SwitchHit changed his screen name? No, didn't seem that way.

"Battle available!"

Alexander immediately rolled his dice and hardly could believe his eyes: three sixes, a solid 18.

"Flex_88💪 rolled: 18. SwitchHit rolled: 15. Flex_88💪wins! Critical!"

15 was a pretty good roll, but nothing could beat Alexander's 18. He grinned as the wheel stopped on "Confidence".

"Challenge! Approach a local gym and negotiate a free trial using nothing but your charm and confidence. "

Xander grinned. Yeah, that was an awesome idea. He was originally on his way home, but finally joining a gym was long overdue. Luckily, there was one right on his way. Half an hour later, he had a full two month free trial and also a protein shaker as a gift. It had been easier than Xander had thought.

Suddenly, he remembered the game.

Flex_88💪: Hey SwitchHit, you still there?

SwitchHit: Yeah, sorry, I didn't want to message so much. Sorry!

Xander rolled his eyes. That guy needed to grow some balls. He was just about to reply, when the next battle was available. Xander really had to admit, what SwitchHit said was true: It was kind of fun!

This time, Xander rolled bad: The three dice showed a measly 8 points. Unsurprisingly, SwitchHit won.

"Flex_88💪 rolled: 8. SwitchHit rolled: 14. SwitchHit wins!"

Damn, this was the first time Xander lost. The wheel landed on a brain-emoji, and, unsurprisingly, it was labelled with "Smarts".

Xander scratched his head. What did that mean? Would he have some penalty challenge now? He would see soon enough.

"Challenge! Skip reading your usual news or books for the day. Instead, binge-watch a reality TV series."

Xander scratched his head again. Did he really want to do that?

Well, of course he wanted to! That sounded like a fun evening. Why would he read books?! He didn't even own books!

Flex_88💪: Man, those challenges are really ez. I need to watch some TV this evening, not read sum bokshit.

Xander typed the message as he arrived at his apartment. He fixed himself a quick dinner and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV.

SwitchHit: I agree. I have to read some Ovid tonight, which I find rather light literature.

Flex_88💪: Whatev you say, man. Hey, by the way, what's your name?

Flex_88💪: Mine's Xander.

SwitchHit: I don't know, I probably shouldn't share my real name on the internet.

Flex_88💪: Aw, come on. As if I could find out where you live with only your real name.

SwitchHit: ...Right. I'm called Chris.

Flex_88💪: Like Christian? Christopher?

SwitchHit: No, just Chris.

Flex_88💪: K. Hey, that pic was pretty hot back then.

They chatted a bit during the evening and exchanged some more pictures of tented pants. Xander was only half paying attention to the reality show on his screen, as one of his hands was more or less constantly in his pants. Still, it was just friendly teasing, no downright cyber-sex.

Eventually, Xander had finished the season and went to bed. SwitchHit - Chris - had called it a night an hour ago, but he still had to finish the last episodes. Good thing he didn't draw the book shit. That would've taken a week, not an evening.

When Xander woke up the next morning, the next battle was already waiting for him. He rolled the dice as he crawled out of bed, again rolling abyssal. Only six eyes were visible on his dice.

"Flex_88💪 rolled: 6. SwitchHit rolled: 10. SwitchHit wins!"

This time, the wheel landed on "Personality". Weird. That was a pretty vague category.

"Challenge! Show someone their place."

Xander raised his eyebrows. What a weird challenge. Anyway, time to for groceries!"

Xander drove over to the store in his old and cheap car. However, when he arrived, another visitor to the gym took the parking spot directly in front of the entrance. What an asshole!

Xander parked and got out of his car, quickly approaching the unsuspecting guy that just stole *his* spot.

"Hey, asshole! What do you think you're doing?!"

The man, a young guy with glasses and a bit on the nerdy side, looked up, surprised.

"What's your problem?"

"I'm the problem. Your problem. You just took my parking spot."

"Your spot? Don't be ridiculous."

Xander's hands balled into fists. That guy was really annoying!

"That was my spot, asshole. If you don't get your ass moving, I'll *make* you move."

"Alright, alright, chill down. Geez."

The other guy got in his car and parked in another spot. Xander nodded satisfied. He had shown him. Oh. Right, the challenge.

Entering the building (without moving his car), Xander checked his phone and sent SwitchHit a message:

Tank: Man, people are crazy today. Some asshole took my parking spot and I had to show him.

SwitchHit: Sorry to hear that.

SwitchHit: Did you change your screen name?

Tank: Nope. It's Tank, as it has always been. Because I'm a fricking TANK!

SwitchHit: Yeah. That makes sense.

"Battle available!"

Xander was collecting stuff from the shelves when he rolled the dice in-between. He rolled a solid 14, but Chris beat him by one point.

"Tank rolled: 14. SwitchHit rolled: 15. SwitchHit wins!"

Xander cursed loudly, making a few heads turn in the shop. The wheel turned and finally landed on a heart shape. "Empathy" it read. Another one of those fuzzy words.

"Challenge! Cut ties that hold you back!"

Xander scratched his head. What was that supposed to mean? He really wanted to win this game, so what did he have to do now?

As he thought about this, another message popped up, this time from the chat group with his closest circle of friends, who were planning their next meet-up. If Xander thought about it, he was really annoyed by those guys. They were all nerds and losers who always had shit ideas like board games and stuff. Without a second thought, Xander replied to the group.

Tank: I'm not coming. Those gatherings are a waste of time. Get lost, losers!

With that, he left the group and blocked the numbers of his so called friends. He had better things to do.

"Battle available!"

Like that, for example. Chris, who went by the silly nickname of CuddleBug, was at least a horny bastard like Xander himself. With a tap, he rolled the dice.

"Tank rolled: 12. CuddleBug rolled: 10. Tank wins!"

Oh yeah! The roll wasn't even so great, yet still he won. Xander smiled even broader when the wheel landed on a muscular torso, labelled simply: "Muscles."

In an instant, Xander felt his whole body swell up. No wonder. Axel basically *lived* in the gym. As he looked down, the fabric of his shirt had turned almost transparent with the sudden expansion of his muscles. It wasn't just his torso, of course. Axel didn't skip leg day, so his quads and hamstrings grew to impressive size, too. His shoulders were getting broad and wide, as well, to the point where he had difficulties reaching his back.

"Challenge! Show your gainz, buy a muscle shirt!"

Axel could have slapped his forehead. Why didn't he think of that himself - and sooner? He needed to share that thought.

Tank: Hey Chris, what ya tink? I should get a muscle shirt, huh?

Tank sent an image.

CuddleBug: Omg, yes. That will look awesome. I wish I had muscles like that.

Axel grinned. Right. No wonder that Chris agreed, Axel's muscles were a sight to behold. Good thing he was already in a store. He quickly bought a few muscle shirts, enough to replace his usual wardrobe. After paying for his purchase, Axel put on the new shirt right on the parking lot before squeezing himself into his car.

"Battle available!"

The game was pretty fast-paced. Axel tapped to roll the dice and was pumping his fist, when one after another, all three dice ended up showing a six.

"Tank rolled: 18. CuddleBug rolled: 4. Tank wins! Critical!"

"Ha! Yes!" Axel cheered and the wheel spun until it showed "Dominance".

A surge of excitement and satisfaction rushed through Axel's veins. He felt *good* all of a sudden. And *powerful*.

"Challenge! Assert your dominance! Challenge a gym bro today!"

Axel grinned. Yeah, that was exactly his thing. He needed to get to the gym anyway. That free membership was hard earned. Also, Chri- Kit seemed to like his gains. Time to make some more.

It was still early afternoon, and the gym wasn't packed with visitors yet, when Axel arrived. There were a few regulars, as always. A short dude with a moustache that looked like a wannabe porn star and a big dude with a neckbeard were currently occupying the bench press, while a girl in her 40s did lat pulls.

Confidently and arrogantly, Axel readjusted his half-hard cock and approached the big guy.

"Yo, man. You're pretty buff. But I bet I can still take you easily. Wann wrestle?"

The large dude looked at Axel for a moment. Axel could see a vein on his neck throb.

"You little shit. You think you're better than me, huh? Fine, let's do this."

In the pocket of his gym shorts, Axel could feel his phone vibrate.

"Ha. Lead the way, I'm gonna wipe the floor with you."

As he followed the big guy to the mats, Axel checked his phone.

"Battle available!"

Great! Before he kicked some ass, he could play some more! While walking, he rolled the dice and scored a 15!

"Tank rolled: 15. CuddleBug rolled: 9. Tank wins!"

He didn't have time to watch the wheel this time, so he didn't notice that it landed on "Stamina." He also didn't see the challenge, which simply read: "Kick some ass!"

The big guy was already waiting for him on the mats, but Axel felt incredibly cocky. This was gonna be easy!

"No rules, no limits, no mercy." Axel said and the other guy nodded.

"That's the way it's gonna be. No mercy, punk."

"Bring it, tubby."

The big guy was the first to charge and he was surprisingly fast for his size. However, his speed and strength were no match for Axel's new found muscles. Even though they wrestled for a few minutes, Axel found himself not even tiring much. Finally, he was able to flip his opponent around and lock him on the ground. He tried to struggle, but Axel held his arms and legs firmly in place.

"Give up, man. You can't win."

The big guy tried to wiggle out of Axel's grip, but to no avail. He could struggle and shout as much as he wanted, but Axel was the one on top.

Finally, the guy gave up and admitted defeat.

"Ha! Loser!" Axel cheered and got up. He had a full boner now, both from the sweaty wrestling as well as from the display of dominance, but he didn't hide it. Instead, he headed to the showers and let Kit know of his triumph on the way.

XxBeastxX: I just *dominated* some fuckin weakass in the gym. Wrestled him down and he was crying and everything.

Kit answered right away.

CuddleBug: You're awesome.

CuddleBug: I wish I could have been in this place.

XxBeastxX: Ha. Course I am.

XxBeastxX: Huh? Whatya mean?

CuddleBug: Nothing. Never mind.

Axel was about to answer, but yet another "Battle available!" message popped up.

This game was seriously addictive! Axel rolled the dice and had a 10, which was decidedly less than what Kit had.

"XxBeastxX rolled: 10. CuddleBug rolled: 11. CuddleBug wins!"

"Damn." Axel said, but the wheel landed on "Generosity." He was almost glad he lost. Otherwise, the challenge would probably have been something like "Donate to the homeless" or some shit. What did the homeless ever do for him?

Instead, the challenge was:

"Challenge! Sell something of sentimental value!"

Huh. Well, Axel didn't really have anything he would consider "sentimental". His old PS2 that he got from his uncle for his 10th birthday was a bit sentimental, but other than that... Oh! His old car would probably qualify.

Axel thought about it. On the one hand, his old car was a piece of shit, and he shouldn't care much about it, but on the other hand... It would be a shame if he would have to say goodbye to his baby. Would it? No, not really. It was a pain to squeeze into it anyway. And if he played his cards right, he would even get some good money for it.

The decision was easy, and after showering, Axel drove to the nearest car dealer. It was a hard bargain, but in the end, he managed to persuade the guy to buy his car. It wasn't a high price, but it was more than what the piece of crap was really worth.

Just as he finished the contract, his phone dinged. It was rude, of course, but he didn't give a flying shit about that and checked his phone. It was from Kit, of course.

TwinkyKit: I just donated some money to the homeless. That felt good!

Axel snorted. Of course, how pathetic.

XxBeastxX: Good. Maybe now they won't be so fucking lazy anymore and work a little.

"Battle available!"

It seemed like the game always interrupted their chats. Well, anyway. He quickly rolled the dice, while the car dealer waited patiently to return his attention to him again. The dice turned out lower than Kit's again and after reading the wheel result and the challenge, Axel looked back up to the car dealer. For a split second, the "Money" challenge was still visible on the screen: "Challenge! Buy a muscle car! You know you want it!"

Damn right he did. Jax had always wanted to have a muscle car. He just never had the money. Bullshit. He never had the balls to take on some debt to buy one.

The car dealer was more than willing to help Jax chose and set up the necessary credit paperwork. He didn't even read this shit and selected a car immediately. A shiny, silver beast with a huge engine. It was a bit pricy, but it was worth it, at least to Jax. After he received the keys, he messaged Kit.

XxBeastxX: While you were busy giving money to some crackheads, I got myself something new. Check this out!

XxBeastxX sent an image.

XxBeastxX sent an image.

The first image was the car of course. The second was a dick pic, for good measures. Jax didn't really care that he was still at the car dealer when he lowered his pants for a moment to snap the pic.

TwinkyKit: OMG. You're such a stud.

XxBeastxX: Thanks, Twinky.

XxBeastxX: By the way, show some respect!

He drove back home, feeling great.

At home, the next battle was already available. Jax grinned and rolled the dice. He could hardly believe what he saw: 3 single eyes. He rolled a fucking 3.

"XxBeastxX rolled: 3. TwinkyKit rolled: 3. Tie! Both lose! Critical!"

What a pathetic roll, for both of them!

The wheel landed on "Impulse Control". This was getting interesting. It was true, Jax was notoriously bad at controlling himself. He just bought a new car, on a whim. So whatever challenge was coming his way shouldn't be too hard.

"Challenge! Get that tat!"

Jax didn't think much about it. Sure, why not. He would probably regret it, but that was something future Jax would have to deal with. He started his shiny new car again and drove to a nearby tattoo studio.

When the artist asked what kind of design he wanted, he only thought for a second, before deciding: "A dragon, obviously!"

As the artist started working, he massaged his dick with his other hand, earning him a condescending look from the artist. He couldn't help it though. Kit... Kitty would surely love his new tat.

When he sent a pic later, he was proven right:

TwinkyKit: OMG! That's hot.

TwinkyKit: I wish I had one, too.

TwinkyKit: I mean: Sir.

Jax smiled and was about to type a reply, when another "Battle available!"-message distracted him.

He quickly rolled the dice and grinned at the result: 15! That beat Kittys sorry little ass for sure, and he was right. Kitty had a mere 7 points to show. This time, the wheel landed on "Aggressiveness."

If possible, Jax felt even more powerful and manly. The challenge read "Start a bar fight!" and that was exactly what Jax wanted to do this evening. Well, that or fuck some ass, but really, a good bar fight was probably even better tonight.

He quickly messaged Kitty.

Ass_Crusher🍆: Talk to you tomorrow. Gonna kick some ass now. Think of me when you jerk off tonight, boy!

Kitty responded almost instantly, with a picture of his uncut dick.

TwinkyKit: I will, Sir! Have fun.

Jax drove to the nearest gay bar, a shady joint called "Diesel". The music was loud, and the lights were dim. Jax didn't mind the atmosphere, though, instead, he went straight to the bar and ordered a double shot. He downed the drink and ordered a second. Just as the bartender placed the glass in front of him, he grabbed it and threw the liquor right into the bartender's face.

"The fuck?! What are you doing?!"

"What do you think, asshole?" Jax answered, his voice dangerously calm.

"You can't do this!"

"Yeah, I can. And you're going to shut the fuck up."

With those words, Jax slammed his fist in the bartender's face, who immediately fell to the ground. There had been really no reason for him to punch the bartender, but it had the intended effect: From one moment to the other, there was a barfight in full swing.

Of course, everyone tried to overwhelm Jax, but he fought back with vigor and stamina. Several black eyes and a broken nose on his enemies later, the patrons and the bar's bouncer managed to throw Jax out, but still, Jax had a great time, kicking ass and punching dudes. Before someone could call the cops, Jax went home, happy and content.

When Jax woke up the next morning, he almost didn't notice any bruises anymore. Instead, he grabbed his phone while he was doing his morning piss and checked ATArena. Yep, there was another battle available. Time to see if Kitty was already up.

He rolled the dice and only a minute later, Kitty's results came in. Easy win. Jax had rolled only a ten, but Kitty didn't beat him with his pathetic five. However, Jax laughed out loudly, as he saw the wheel's result: Dick size.

"Challenge! Show your assets!"

*That*, Jax could do. He watched as the cock in his hand grew longer and fatter by the second, instantly forgetting that it had once been smaller. No, Jax always had a big, fat and juicy cock, the biggest, actually. With a few last strokes, Jax sent a pic of his cock, the tip glistening wet.

Ass_Crusher🍆: Check that out. That's what a real cock looks like.

Ass_Crusher🍆 sent an image.

Ass_Crusher🍆 sent an image.

Ass_Crusher🍆 sent an image.

Jax sent several more images of his magnificent rod, both naked and wearing tight underwear. As if there was another kind. For Jax, all underwear was tight.

Finally, Kitty responded.

CrushersToyBoy: Fuck. You're so hot, Sir.

CrushersToyBoy sent an image.

Jax smirked. Kitty's own cock was tiny, especially compared to Jax' equipment. It didn't matter much, though. Kitty didn't need it, he needed to have his ass crushed.

Ass_Crusher🍆: I know, babe. I know. You know what I'll do with it now?

"Battle available!"

God dammit. This was getting annoying.

Jax quickly rolled the dice, scoring the top available score! 18 points! But apparently, Kitty was just as lucky, rolling an 18, too.

"Ass_Crusher🍆 rolled: 18. CrushersToyBoy rolled: 18. Tie! Both win! Critical!"

Jax didn't even need to read the attribute to feel it. It was "Libido, again." His already mostly hard cock surged up, becoming a firm steel pipe in his pre-cum soaked underwear. There were no pants on earth that could hide his constant arousal - on some days, even a firm pair of jeans left nothing to imagination and showed a wet patch where his cock was constantly leaking pre. He was a walking and breathing sex machine and Rex knew it. His name was fitting, too. He was a fucking king among men. And today he was going to breed the fuckable ass of that twink.

Ass_Crusher🍆: Get ready, boy. I'm cumming over and I'm gonna split open that ass of yours.

Rex closed the game and deleted it. There was no point in wasting his time with some stupid mobile game. He got back into his car and revved the engine. Oh yeah. Time to get some ass!

What a great game! I know I wouldn't mind playing if ATArena popped up on my phone, would you?

[slimybeth69]

Que Será, Será

Que será, será -Spanish phrase (que se·​rá, se·​rá) English translation: What will be, will be

No outbreak!Joel/reader (no descriptions but you have a backstory and are an adult virgin.)

Summary: It's almost twenty years after some weird outbreak almost happened but the CDC took care of that...

Now you're living in Austin, Texas as an adult.

What happens when you meet Joel Miller who hasn't been hardened and ruined by twenty years of murder and loss?

Rating: Explicit- (smut, dirty talk, DD/lg dynamics eventually, BDSM, )

Warnings: Drug use, dirty talk, sexually inexperienced oc, Daddy Dom Joel, darkish (more pervert)!Joel. Slow burn, eventual angst (so much). (So, this is cross posted from my ao3. It's a WIP and I haven't updated in a while, but I'm working on it. I hope you all like this first chapter.)

This is un-betaed, so...beware.

This is the worst fucking job you’ve ever had in your whole life. Why did you move here? To Austin, Texas? Really? You honestly don’t even know. You just needed to get away from your dad. Your mom passed so long ago from that heart attack that…it just was your dad at your childhood home you never go visit anymore. Your dad didn't even really bother you or call you, so you don't know why you felt the need to distance yourself from him by thousands of miles.

Samantha. She’s the reason you moved down here. To be close to your sister and your nephew. She was almost never around though! So what the fuck!! You’ve just been living in her fully finished basement while Samantha and her amazing husband travel the world– she was sad for whatever reason. Postpartum something. Sadness... it plagued her. So her husband Cody packed up whatever weird IT company he ran from home and gave you the keys to the house and said…

“Have fun. Place is yours for six months while I try and turn your sister back into a normal person. Don’t burn my house down.” -Cody.

Cody was great. The perfect husband for her. Your brother Paul lives in fucking Florida like an asshole. Never wants to get married. Lives on the beach all day. Like an asshole.

He is fun to drink with—

Holy fucking shit it’s that guy again!! Oh!! He’s so handsome. He’s old enough to be your dad…but who gives a shit. He’s so fucking hot. OOOHHHH my god. He’s gonna come through your line. The other one is open but he’s gonna wait?? Interesting.

You have all these thoughts as you’re cashing out the person in front of him. This person has so much shit and the handsome fucker behind him just has a caulk or something that comes in one of those pointy tubes. You don’t know anything about home improvement!! Not even one bit! You lied and said you did though on the application. They paid the best and didn’t make you wear a uniform. You could wear jeans and a t-shirt. You had a stupid fucking apron on though.

Like an asshole. 

Ohh he’s here. He’s right here and he’s smiling at you. 

“Hey, you having a good day today?” You try and spark up casual conversation as you scan the one item he has. He’s been in here so many times in the few weeks you started working here and you’ve said…maybe four words to each other. 

But he always comes through your line. This is the second time he’s been in today (through your line)– which isn’t uncommon, he’s probably a contractor. He looks like one-- dirty shirt and jeans. Steel toed boots. Contractors and builders and roofers or whatever come in here multiple times a day sometimes, so, you don’t think anything of that, but you do think about how he always chooses to wait in your line. 

“Was, until I had to come back here fer’ this.” He holds up the tube of what you see now is silicone whatever and he chuckles. “Spend more on gas than I do bullshit for the job.” He smirks and your knees go weak. He’s so cute. 

“Well…I didn’t mind seeing you again.” You attempt to flirt but you’re so bad at it…you think. You dunno. You don’t really date. Your first and only boyfriend put a bad taste in your mouth when he freaked the fuck out when you told him you changed your mind about sleeping with him. Almost fuckin’ hit you. But you kicked him in the chest and got the fuck out of his car before you had your pants on. Fuck Jackie Harris…cock sucker. 

“Wha– oh— rea—” He is stunned to stammering that you’ve said this to him. “Ya know who yer’ talkin’ to…right?” He looks over his shoulder like there might be someone behind him. You smirk and try another attempt at flirting.

“Well…not really. You havent’ told me your name.” You bat your eyelashes at him and bite your bottom lip. He’s blinking at you. 

“M-My name?” He stutters again and it makes you chuckle. You nod and look him up and down slowly, then bring your eyes back to his. He’s blushing. “S’Joel." He gives you a goofy smile and you’re blushing now and you don’t even know why. “Joel Miller. Yours?"

“If you give me your number, I’ll–” You start but you cannot finish.

Joel cannot get his phone out of his back pocket fast enough. He unlocks it and hands it to you. You type your name into the contact portion and then type in your number. You call yourself… so he can’t completely ignore you. Even though you’ll never text him first or ever if he never reaches out to you. You hand his phone back to him after you feel yours buzz in your jeans. 

“Perfect.” You smile and hand him the phone back. 

“You free later?” He raises his eyebrows and his tongue dances behind his teeth, his lips are slightly parted and, again, it makes your knees weak. 

“Sure am.” You whisper quietly. 

“Well expect a call from me then.” He winks at you and walks out the door. 

Shut the fuck up? Who even are you?? You never do stuff like that?? Jackie completely freaked you out about sex and so… you still hadn’t done it. UGH and he’s so much older than you so he’s obviously going to be experienced and he’s going to want that!!

It’s not like you hadn’t done… anything. You’ve had a couple fingers inside you… a tongue on you once… you didn’t feel much of anything so any time some else offered after that you always said no because…why bother? It wasn’t even that good. It’s not like you were saving yourself… not at all. You don’t give a shit about that… you just wanna find someone who isn’t so focused on just that? You’re not really sure. You think about it constantly and over analyze every man who does want to sleep with you until you no longer wanna sleep with him.

Maybe it’ll be different with Joel. 

When your shift ends and you get into Cody’s pick up truck he left for you to use while they were gone. You didn’t have a car, so you’re saving for one while you live in their basement…working in a hardware store. Ugh. Life hadn’t been…not nice to you. You worked for a company in Jersey for years until they went bankrupt and left you with no job. So, you needed a change. Couldn’t afford your apartment anymore. Dad was a dick, so you weren’t moving back home with him.

Joel does call you that night. You’re sitting on the couch watching nothing… not even really paying attention to what was on the TV. You were reading some crazy true crime blog that had you afraid to go to bed at night but this was what you did every night. His call scares you but you answer excitedly. 

“Hello?” You try and sound super casual. 

“Hey. Sorry, I would’a called ya earlier but work ran a lil late.” He apologizes but he shouldn’t be…he’s calling you. You tease him.

“Ooooohh. That sucks. The other guy I called 'cause you kept me waiting is gonna be here soon.” You let the sarcasm drip so he doesn’t think you’re serious. 

“Gimmie your address… I’ll meet him there. Scare him off.” He snickers into the phone. You have butterflies.

“Oh I bet you would. Mr. Scowls Constantly.” You tease him again. 

“You still asked for my number…sooooo, I must be doin’ somethin’ right.” Joel teases you back into the phone. “What’re you doin’? Can I come pick you up for a lil bit?” He asks with no teasing in his voice now. You’re literally in your comfies. You got no makeup on and your hair is up. 

“I look real gross?” You warn him in question so he has the option to back out. 

“Worse than you looked earlier?” Joel chuckles into the phone. 

“Nevermind. I’m going to bed—” You tease playfully into the phone.

“Nooo. C’mon. I got a joint rolled and we can just cruise for a while.” Joel sounds like he wants to see you. You smirk. You tell him the address. 

“How far away are you from here?” You ask, nervous now because he’s really going to come.

“Literally five minutes. I was jus’ workin’ on a house two streets over.” Joel laughs and you hear his turn signal in the background. “I’m on my way, cutie.” 

Then he hangs up! And he’s really coming to pick you up right now!! You grab the joint you were going to smoke before bed and put it between your lips as you slip on your sneakers. You give yourself one last look in the mirror…whine quietly because you really didn’t think he was going to call you.. Not tonight at least!! It was like nine o’clock! You came home, showered and just got to reading your blog. Had been doing that trying to pass the time and not look at your phone every two seconds seeing if you had somehow missed a call from him within that time. 

Now he’s coming to pick you up… to go cruise around… Oh my god. Okay. 

Your phone dings and it’s him texting you that he’s outside. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

You grab your keys and rush out the door. He has a big black pick up— bigger than Cody’s and honestly, you have trouble getting in. You jump up and set your joint next to his in the empty cup holder. 

“What’s that?” Joel points to it as you fasten your seatbelt. 

“My contribution?” You raise your eyebrow at him and he chuckles. 

“Your ass in my seat is contribution enough, pretty girl.” He growls at you and speeds off. "What were you doin'?" He asks as he pulls off your street. You smile over at him stupidly because he is so handsome. He still has the clothes on he was wearing earlier.

"Just readin' some scary shit that makes me nervous." You chuckle and he does too. He has one hand on the wheel and the other arm is resting on the large center console. 

"Why would ya go n' do that? Stupid." He flicks his head to look at you quickly before he turns to look at the road again.

"Don't I know it. Stay up all night reading scary stories just to be tired the next morning." You can't stop smiling at him.

"Need me to come spend the night? Keep you safe?" He jokes as he turns up the radio a little. You roll your eyes at him and enjoy the scenery for a while. You weren't close to the edge of town so you're on back roads in no time. He lights his joint and hands it to you once he gets out of town and on an open stretch of road with nothing around…. And now you’re a little nervous. What did you get yourself into… he’s a literal stranger.

“You’re not from ‘round here. I can tell by yer’ accent. New York?” He asks curiously. You shake your head as you hit the joint and hand it back to him. 

“Close. Jersey.” You smile and turn your body towards him slightly with your back pressed against the door. Joel looks at you and his eyes trace along the curves of your body. 

“S’cute…” He trails off like he has more to say. “How old are you?”

“Old enough.” You smirk. Joel groans. “What!? How old are you?” 

“I’m in my fifties. I’m an old man.” He smirks over at you. “You look like you could be my daughters age.” He rolls his eyes and the smirk leaves his face. 

“I’m about to be in my thirties.” You smirk at him and then laugh at his reaction when he groans louder. “Stooooooop.” You whine at him and place your hand on his forearm that he has resting on the center console.

When you do that the hair on your arm stands up and he gets goosebumps. You blink up at him but keep your hand on his arm. He smirks and takes the joint from you. He steers with his knee so he doesn’t have to move his arm from under your hand. You slowly start to run your fingertips along his scarred and suntanned skin. 

“Feels good.” Joel growls down to you from low in his throat. You flick your eyes up to him, off his arm, and you’re silenced by the look in his eyes. It makes your breath catch in your throat. ���Yer’ real soft.” He whispers. 

“Thanks.” You sigh softly. It makes him smile– the same goofy smile from the store. It’s so cute, fuck. He’s so handsome. You do not even care if he’s as old as your dad. He is so fucking hot. Jesus. Okay. Composed. You’re not going to do anything stupid. 

As you think this, Joel pulls off the road into a little shallow ditch. He leans his seat back slightly and hits the joint again but it went out. He relights it, hits it and then hands it to you. 

“You like workin–”

“No.” You cut him off before he can finish while you’re hitting the joint. “Hate it, but they pay me good and don’t make me work late. So…I’ll stay for now.” You smirk at him. “I just moved down here from Jersey actually. Couple of months ago.” 

“Oh? Whachya runnin’ away from?” He flicks his eyebrows up once and smirks. You chuckle but… you were running away from being a failure. 

“Just wanted to be closer to my sister. She had a baby right before I came down here— as soon as I get here…her and her husband take off to some tropical island or some shit.” You roll your eyes.

“That’s their house?” Joel is still looking at you but you’re looking out of the front window. 

“Yeah. Not even my truck in the driveway.” You snort but you’re self-conscious. He’s a contractor and probably doing well for himself…this is a nice truck and he had a nice new phone when you typed your number into it earlier. 

“Shit. I struggled with money n’ stuff until I was well into my forties. Don’t let it discourage you. Least yer’ workin’.” Joel shrugs his shoulders and now you want him to kiss you but you’re not going to ask for that. You do start to lightly scratch the inside of his arm though and he twists it, offering more to you.

You won’t say no if he tries though. You hope he does. 

“Do you do… contracting…things for yourself or do you work for someone?” You don’t know the technical terms for it.

“I own my own company. Me n’ my brother. Business is good now so I could afford to hire on a couple guys recently. Been seein’ my daughter a whole bunch more. She’s almost in her thirties too. ‘Bout to get married. Real nice guy she’s got.” Joel is smiling. “So…I take a couple days off a week to drive to Fort Worth to see her.” 

“Awww..That’s so nice. I love that. My dad’s a piece of shit. So, you’re a cool dad for that.” You smile at him and he’s one thousand times more attractive to you. 

“Thanks. I doubt myself sometimes— not so much anymore. I did when she was a kid but she turned out real good.” Joel smiles back at you and moves his arm so it’s closer to you, more stretched out so you can scratch your nails along more of his skin now. You oblige him and he exhales through his nose softly. You smirk.

“Been a while since you been touched like this?” You tease. Joel narrows his eyes on yours. You blink. 

“Honestly… damn. Okay. So… can’t be mad at me… okay?”

“Oh god. You’re married aren’t you!?” You exclaim. You pull your hand away but he grabs for your wrist and gets you. He pulls your hand back towards him gently. You don’t fight him…very much. 

“I’m not married. Nope.” Joel rubs his fingers along the inside of your arm gently as you continue to lightly pull away– you’re not making any real attempt to get way. “Not even in a relationship.” He shakes his head no.

“But?” You twist your wrist in his hand softly but he just rakes his fingers up and down your arm gently and slowly. 

“I do have… a lady… who I see sometimes.” He groans. “She really isn’t anything you have to be worried about–”

“Who says I’m even jealous? I just didn’t wanna be a home wrecker.” You turn your head away from him but keep letting him touch your arm gently. 

“I never said you were jealous… I said worried. You said jealous..” Joel is smirking and you don’t even need to look at him to see it. You roll your eyes and turn your head towards him. He is smirking. “Don’t gotta be nothin’ though.” Joel slow blinks at you and his tongue darks across his bottom lip quickly. His fingers never stop moving. 

“Why’s that?” You ask quietly. The mood in the truck has changed drastically in two seconds. Like it did when you touched his arm for the first time..but now there is a weird and…not uncomfortable tension but it’s like there is electricity in the air— like you could be struck by lightning!! 

“‘Cause if you told me to stop seein’ her I would.” Joel grins again. 

“Why? You don’t even know me.” You whisper. 

“I wanna.” He whispers back to you. 

“Okay.” You sigh softly. 

“You gonna keep that seatbelt on all night or do you wanna get comfortable?” Joel whispers to you, pulling your hand up as the same time he leans down and his warm, wet lips come into contact with the skin on the inside of your wrist. You swallow hard when he does that but then he lets you hand go completely. He’s already taken his seat belt off. You’ve been sitting over in the passenger seat like safety Sue!! Looking stupid. 

“Sorry.” You whisper to him, your cheeks flushing red. 

“Don’t be sorry— sorry for what?” Joel raises one eyebrow at you and pulls a new joint from somewhere out of his door. A little hidden compartment. 

“I dunno.” You shrug your shoulders. “You just have a bunch of those ready at all times?” You tease as he lights this new joint. He nods silently as he inhales. 

“My brother grows it. Give’s me a good discount on it.” 

“That’s real fuckin’ nice. I get mine from some nineteen year old at my job. Overcharges me like I’m an idiot.” You grumble. Joel chuckles. 

“We’ve all been there, cuteness.” He hands it to you and leans back in his seat again. 

“You could have smoked mine— I really don’t mind.” You point to your joint, still in the glove compartment. 

“Respectfully… I’ll never smoke yer’ weed.” Joel curls one arm and puts it behind the back of his head to rest on. His head is turned to look at you. You are kind of offended by this. 

“It’s good shit! I don’t smoke–”

“Could be the best weed I’ve ever seen…” Joel narrows his eyes on you again. “I’ll never take anything from you… only give.” He rumbles. In between your legs twinges when he says that. 

“Oh..” You sigh softly. 

“I like to give.” Joel whispers quietly. “That okay with you?” 

“Yeah…” You sigh again quietly and Joel’s eyes soften immensely and he reaches for the joint as you hand it to him. He slowly rubs the pads of his index and middle finger along the backs of those same two fingers on your hand as he plucks the joint from you.

What!? What was that!? Such a small, simple touch and now you’re pussy is leaking!? Are you serious!? Get out of here right now. You’re going to do something so stupid if you don’t. 

“Yer’ fuckin’ cute.” Joel shakes his head after the two of you stare each other for a moment. 

“So are you. Fuck. So handsome.” You groan and close your eyes so you don’t have to look at him anymore. 

“Stop it.” Joel laughs softly. “Jus’ an old man.” 

“I like it.” You say immediately. He barely gets the word man out before you’re responding to him. Joel’s eyes scan across your face slowly as you gaze at him. He’s hard to read but…fuck…he is so hot. 

“Good.” He stays on his side of the truck and you’re starting to wonder what you’re gonna have to do to get him to roll over here on top of you. You desperately want him. Need him maybe. “Why’re you starin’ at me like that?” He smirks as he hits the joint. His eyes avoid yours. 

“You know.” You say this two octaves deeper than you would normally talk and now you’re narrowing your eyes on him. He doesn’t hesitate. He taps the joint out in his little car ashtray and is crawling over the console to get to you.

He does everything. He flips the lever up that drops your seat back, he’s on top of you, his knees on either side of your hips, and his hands on your waist so gently. 

“You want me to kiss you?” He whispers softly, double checking that this is really okay. You nod up to him, unable to speak because you might lose your virginity tonight. You’d give it to him. Holy shit. He doesn’t waste another second. His lips crash into yours and both of you open your mouth to let the other in. They are deep, messy kisses right from the beginning. Desperate. 

“Fuck.” You sigh as he pulls away for just a second to adjust his knees in the narrow seat. You’d probably fit better up there but…his weight on top of you just feels so fucking good. Everything about it. He smirks before his lips are back on yours. His tongue is so soft and warm and he tastes like weed and mint gum. Smells a little like lumber and sweat. You reach up and run your fingers through his shaggy hair from the back and get a good grip of it in your hands, pulling him tighter into the kiss. 

Joel groans loudly, one of his strong, rough, calloused hands slips under your shirt and slides across your stomach softly. You whimper quietly as his hand cups your breast over your thin athletic bra. He squeezes softly and he thumbs across your nipple and it stiffens for him at once. He pulls away and gasps for air. His lips are slick with a mixture of both of your saliva.

“I’ve wanted to do that the first day I saw you.” Joel admits sheepishly, his hand still cupping you under your shirt. You still have his hair in your hands. 

“You should have talked to me sooner.” You whisper up to him and pull him back into kissing. He moans softly as you eagerly push your tongue into his mouth and swirl it around his. He squeezes your soft mound again but this time with more force. He pulls way, forces you to let him pull away now and you whine in protest because you just want him to keep kissing you. 

“Hey..” He pants softly. “I just gotta warn you that I like it… a little rough… I like to talk real dirty.” He leans down and kisses you again, this time his hips push down into yours and he rocks his back and forth across you. “Fuck.” He groans into your mouth. 

You are sure that you’re soaked through your jeans. There is no way you’re not. 

“S’fine.” You pant back up to him and try to tug him back down to you but he doesn’t let you. You whine again and make him laugh. 

“I’m jus’ lettin’ ya know ‘cause I don’t wanna hurt yer’ feelin’s. I don’t… really think that shit.” He whispers, kissing at your bottom lip once between words. “Jus’ like bein’ kinda mean n’ naughty.” He sighs as he sinks back against your lips. Your hips push back up against his in agreement to whatever he said. You don’t care how he speaks to you. No one has ever really spoken to you during whatever you’ve done. 

“Let’s hear it.” You break the kiss long enough to say that before you’re attached to him again. He moans softly and grips your breast harder now and thumbs at your hard peak with force. 

“Yeah?” He makes sure, gives you a chance to back out of this if you don’t want to. 

“Do it.” You breath out against his mouth softly and now you’re so glad you brushed your teeth in the shower. 

“The naughty lil slut wants me to talk real dirty to her?” Joel says in barely a whisper into your mouth. Your whole body reacts to this and you push your hips into his and your fingers tighten in his hair. “Oh slutty lil girl wants this old man to talk dirty.” He grins and kisses you again. His hips dig into yours. He lets out a low groan when he does that. “Fuck.” 

Joel climbs off of you and back into the drivers seat. You’re alarmed to say the least. 

“What? What did I do?” You’re so stunned and are almost crawling into his lap. He stops you with an apologetic face. 

“S’just… a lot. Gotta slow down.” Joel swallows hard and leans in and kisses you again. You both linger but when you open your mouth he pulls away again. “If we keep doin’ that… I’m gonna wanna do more.” He chuckles nervously. 

“Like what?” You bat your eyelashes at him. He closes his eyes softly and sighs before he opens them to look at you. 

“Whatever you let me do is fine. I’d just watch.” He whispers. You pinch your brows together.

“Watch?” You’re so confused.

“Yeah… just watch you…” Joel trails off.

“Do you just wanna come back to my place?” You ask quietly. Joel puts on hand on the steering wheel and then rests his forehead on the back of his hand. 

“So fuckin’ bad… Jesus Christ.” He groans softly. “I just… I dunno. Don’t want you thinkin’ that’s the kinda guy I am… I just had sex with that lady last night.. Would feel weird doin’ it with you so close together.” 

“Oh.” You feel a little gross now, honestly. 

“We don’t kiss like that.” Joel must sense how that made you feel. “I’d do a lot of things with you I wouldn’t do with her…” Joel is scanning your body again with his eyes. 

“Like what?” You don’t care what he does to you.. You’re not sleeping with him tonight… not after that omission but…he could do other things to you. He could stick the handle of a hammer into you and you don’t think you’d care. 

“You want me to be real nice ‘bout it or real naughty?” Joel growls softly. 

“Naughty.” You whisper to him. He grins and nods to your sweats.

“Put your hand in there and touch while I tell you what I’d do to you…what I am gonna do to you…soon.” He is still growling and speaking quietly. You hesitate for a moment but then slide your hand under the waistband. Joel sighs softly. 

“Okay..” Your fingers find what is desperately buzzing and leaking between your legs. 

“First… I’d– well.. Where are we? Here or in a bed?” Joel looks down at your face instead of where your hand just disappeared to. 

“Here.” You smirk up at him as your fingers slip into the wetness.

“Well, first I’d crawl right over on top of you again like I was..” Joel sits his seat up a little so he can relax but still see your hand. “Do you care… if.. I, um…”

“I want you to,” You know he’s hard. You felt it pressed against the outside of your cunt when he ground into you earlier. You don’t even look as you hear his zipper. You want to look so bad but you don’t wanna seem too desperate. You do wanna see it so badly though. It felt big. Bigger than you’ve ever touched you think. 

“So I’d be on top of you ‘cause that’s what the lil girl wants, right? Is for me to be on top of you?” He sighs softly as he speaks and you wanna know what’s making him sigh but you won’t look. Not until he asks you. Your fingers rub against your clit slowly and almost barely because if you touch it with more than a feathers touch and faster than a snail you’ll come while he’s talking to you. 

“Yeah. I do want that. Really bad.” You moan quietly as you graze your spot a little too hard. 

“Jesus fuck.” Joel sighs again. “Yer’ so fuckin’ sexy. Yer’ voice…” Joel’s voice is… different. You’re so fucking curious to know what he’s doing. You know, you do. You can hear his skin slapping together. You hear him spit now and wonder what the fuck he just spit on but then Joel moans, a real moan with verbrato to it. That makes your fingers flinch and they press down hard against your bundle. 

“Fuuh-ck.” You moan softly, trying to bite it back a little but this makes him moan again. 

“Lemme hear you sing, little bird. C’mon. Sing for me. I know you can.” He moans to you softly. “Push them fingers inside that tight lil hole fer’ me.” He coos down to you deeply. You do, you push them into your cunt and curl your fingers against your spot.

“Oh fuck. Oh my fuck– Jesus.” You do moan, loudly. 

“Push your shirt up, lemme see them fuckin’ tits, baby.” Joel sounds desperate to see you. You give him a show. You push your shirt and bra up to your neck and tug at one of your nipples softly as your fingers go back to working circles around your clit. 

“Oh m– Joel.” You moan his name and the sound he makes in response is lascivious. It comes from deep within his chest. You do it again. “Oh, fuck. Joel, touch me… touch me here.” You run your fingers along the mound and hardened peak closest to him. 

Joel lets out the most filthy sound you’ve ever come out of a man. His fingers are on your sensitive nub and he’s twisting and tugging like you are on the other side but he’s rough. He pinches and pulls. It pulls a disgusting moan from your throat and you arch your back as your fingers work faster and in tighter circles. 

“Look. I want you to see it. Please.” Joel is practically begging through his own moans as he leaves your nipple and now just gropes the whole fleshy mound in his rough hand. 

You open your eyes finally and look at what he wants you to see. It’s big…bigger than you were anticipating. The biggest you’ve ever seen in person. He could easily fit both of his hands on it if he wanted. There wouldn’t be much left over but both fists could fit on that thing. It’s an angry red, the tip is almost purple and he is leaking precum. 

“I wanna c-come with you.” Joel is staring down at you, his eyes moving between where your hand is hidden and your chest and your face. You flick your eyes between his face and his beautiful dick. Fuck, it’s perfect. 

“M’gonna.” You whine loudly as your body stiffens. Joel groans as you moan loudly. The stiffness from you leaves when you hear him moaning and his jagged breathing. Its’ bliss filling your body. 

“Such a g-g-good girl.” Joel stutters through his orgasm as yours rips through you. You are not quiet about it. 

“Fuck. Joel. Oh my god. It’s so fucking good. Fuck.” You whimper as your hips rock up into your own hand. This is the most powerful and intense orgasm of your life. You’ve never felt this good. 

“Yeah, pretty lil slut. You come so fuckin’ good.” He is just panting now as you ebb off your own orgasm. Joel still has his hand on your breast. You don’t care. 

“Wow.” You sigh softly. 

“Fuckin’ say that again. Made a mess.” Joel chuckles. You pull your hand from your pants. Joel reaches for your wrist. “C’mere.” He growls softly and the next thing you know he’s sucking your fingers into his mouth. He groans against them quietly as his tongue slides all across your digits. You’re in awe when he pulls way. He wipes his mouth with his thumb and forefinger. “What?” He looks at you nervously as you gawk at him. 

“Do you… like the taste–”

“Of you? Fuck yeah.” Joel nods and then clears his throat. “I don’t go down on everyone…but I would on you. I’d do it for fuckin’ hours if I could get you to make sounds like that.” Joel is leaning back against his seat. His cock his still in his hand but it’s soft now. He did make a mess all over his shirt. You reach over and with one finger run the tip of it along his still messy and leaking seam. You collect the remnants as he sighs quietly, watching your every movement. “Taste it.” He whispers to you. 

You suck your finger into your mouth as he watches but he has to look away quickly. He puts his cock back in his jeans and you frown. 

“Yer’ too fuckin’ cute n’ sexy. Gonna get me hard again.” Joel smirks. You blush and wipe your fingers on your sweats and sigh loudly. 

“You’re really fucking handsome n’ sexy too.” You sigh again because that was just so incredible. Joel is just smiling down at you, leaning his elbow on the center console. 

“So… is this what you wanted my number fer’ or… would you let me take you out to dinner sometime?” Joel flicks his eyebrows up. You blush harder and let your set incline so you’re not laying down flat anymore. 

“I would go to dinner with you.” You smirk at him and now he’s blushing. 

“You work tomorrow night?” He asks softly. 

“I never work past five.” You smile and take his hand when he reaches for you. He rubs the backs of your fingers with his. 

“I’m not gonna see that lady again… just so you know.” He says it like he’s nervous.

“Okay.” You don’t really know what else to say. 

“Just lettin’ ya know…so that you don’t think I’m tryin’ to be funny with you or anything.” Joel’s eyes are glued to your hand and he’s still just touching. 

“Okay.” You’re still at a loss. 

“Do… you sleep with anyone else?”

“I’ve never slept with anyone.” You blurt out mindlessly through a chuckle like it’s funny. You die inside. You cover your eyes with your free hand and wait for him to drop the hand he’s holding but he doesn’t.

“Wh– are you ser— no. You’re fuckin’ with me.” Joel doesn’t believe you. Perfect.

“Gotchya.” You smirk and point at him with the hand you had over your eyes. Joel laughs and shakes his head. 

“Had me there fer’ a second… but seriously… yer’ not sleepin’--”

“No. I haven’t been with anyone since I moved to Austin.” You nod at him because it’s true. You weren’t with anyone before that either. 

“Alright. Just like bein’ safe is all.” Joel shrugs his shoulders. 

“I like that you’re talkin’ to me about it. Shows me your respectable… or don’t wanna give your wife another STD.” You wink at him and Joel rolls his eyes.

“Oh shuddup.” He pulls your hand to his mouth and kisses the back of your fingers. “Not married. Divorced almost thirty years.” He whispers.

“Damn… you a bad husband?” You tease. He nods silently and flicks his tongue against your fingers gently.

“The fuckin’ worst.” 

thanks to @saradika-graphics for the dividers.

[zykamiliah]

shen yuan likes yue qingyuan, the post

i've documented 19 moments featuring sy!shen qingqiu's feelings for yue qingyuan with the express purpose of showing those who think that sy!sqq doesn't like yqy that they are factually WRONG

this is a long one so buckle up, grab a snack, get a drink, etc etc

number one

as it's the usual with shen qingqiu, the first thing he notices in a man is whether he's handsome or not. and here you go: the first thing he sees upon waking up from getting isekai-ed is a handsome, elegant young man looking at him with concern. we do know how shen qingqiu likes that look on pretty men (he likes it a lot)

i also want to point out that yue qingyuan is the first pidw character shen yuan meets. he's already linked to him, not only because he's shen qingqiu's martial sibling, but he's also intrinsically tied to shen yuan's rebirth, to the moment he opens his eyes to the pidw world for the first time. keep this in mind.

number two

upon getting up to date on wtf happened to him and learning his new identity, the second thing shen qingqiu does is worry about yue qingyuan's fate. he doesn't even know him yet and is already giving him the blorbo treatment. why is that? oh, maybe because he likes him???

do you know how many characters shen yuan was "rather fond of"??? not that many i tell you. he's only derailed from worrying about whether he'll cause yue qingyuan's death because the system gives him a little sneak peek of the human stick scene.

so up to this point sy!shen qingqiu has characterized yue qingyuan as a brother type, an amicable, elegant and handsome man, a bleeding heart, too good for this world.

number three

now we add 'considerate' to the many praises shen qingqiu extols on yue qingyuan. the man has to be really busy with all the sect leader work he has to do and yet he makes time to visit shen qingqiu regularly. we know why yue qingyuan does that, but shen qingqiu won't learn about qijiu's backstory until much later, and right now it doesn't matter. the fact remains: shen qingqiu is grateful to the point of tears to have yue qingyuan. even if he doesn't talk about it, we can theorize that he feels a bit lonely: he's a stranger in a new world, like a newborn baby. he may be obsessed with luo binghe but at this point of the story he still hasn't got time to bond with him. so the person shen qingqiu first latches on immediately after his transmigration is yue qingyuan.

number four

"how dare that scumbag shen jiu not treat his shixiong like the god he is, with the kindness and respect he deserves? well i'm not the same, so i WILL treat yue qingyuan better!"

(it's the intention what counts, okay? we know he kind of fuck ups a few times and gives yqy much stress)

also love how shen qingqiu says "brotherly covenant", he really values familial bonds, and he'll come to treasure his bonds with all his martial siblings really quickly.

also, may i point out that shen qingqiu decides to be a good shidi for yue qingyuan and treat him well without any "ulterior motives"? it's not even tied to his survival. he's a kind person by nature, yes, but he doesn't even try to convince the reader that he's going to be a good martial sibling for selfish reasons, which was the case with liu qingge. he just up and decides that yue qingyuan deserves his respect and consideration. he officially adopts yue qingyuan as his big brother.

number five

"at home in the atmosphere of brotherly love", do i need to say more? yue qingyuan makes him feel at home in this new world, he's comfortable around him. his presence soothes shen qingqiu.

number six

furthermore, yue qingyuan reminds him of the brothers of his first life, but the sorrow he feels for losing them is overpowered by a "comforting sense of warmth" so great it makes him feel cheerful. this is the scene where yue qingyuan welcomes him back upon his arrival from the skinner demon incident. in that scene, the first thing they do is smile at each other. shen qingqiu is happy to see him.

he's surprised when yue qingyuan takes his wrist to examine his spiritual circulation, but when he notices what yue qingyuan is doing he instantly relaxes. yue qingyuan's touch doesn't bother him at all.

see how yue qingyuan's presence is often linked to feelings of comfort, warmth, home, brotherly love, joyfulness? keep this in mind too. don't you dare to forget it.

number seven

this is post-demon invasion, while they are discussing the effects of without a cure. shen qingqiu is making good on his word of treating yue qingyuan better than his predecessor, by tamping down yqy's tendency to blame himself for everything.

"i understand that yue qingyuan is genuinely worried about me, unlike SOME PEOPLE, so i have to reassure him in case he decides to be more stressed than normal"

bonus: 7.5

("the three of them" refers to shen qingqiu, mu qingfang and yue qingyuan)

i want to quote this part too, because i can, and because this scene in the donghua was 100% faithful to the novel. just another reminder that shen qingqiu likes martial siblings.

number eight

now we're coming to the siblings-coded moments

exhibit one: "oh oh i figured it out so i'll say it before you do"

i want to point out that shen qingqiu says "obviously", because from his POV yue qingyuan only does things for a good reason. shen qingqiu idolizes him.

number nine

siblings-coded moments exhibit two: "i know how to make you let me do what i want"

we've jumped 3 years, this is the prelude to jinlan arc, and this is how their relationship has evolved. shen qingqiu knows what he has to say for yue qingyuan to allow him to go to jinlan. this is a method he's used the past, of course, because this isn't the first mission he went on after getting poisoned or after the IAC.

+bonus: 9.5 yqy being a mother hen

(this is the day after lbh chased him around jinlan)

number ten

shen qingqiu has just been accused of abusing his disciple, consorting with demons, murder, and being demonic cultivator wu yanzi's disciple. yue qingyuan almost starts a fight right there and there because they want to take his shidi away, but shen qingqiu stops him and his other martial siblings before it can escalate.

he gives yue qingyuan a deep bow. we've already established he respects yue qingyuan a great deal. he's ashamed that he's caused yue qingyuan so much trouble and grief, because he really cares about him, and his opinion of him, and he genuinely didn't want to be like the original who made yue qingyuan suffer a lot. shen qingqiu cares about his sect, about his martial siblings, and about yue qingyuan to the point that he GIVES HIMSELF UP to be imprisoned.

this is plot relevant! remember it, because shen qingqiu only feels ashamed and guilty when he thinks he has wronged the people he loves!

on that note:

number eleven

(this is when luo binghe is laying siege to qiong ding to recover sqq's stolen body and sqq, in the mushroom body, sees his sect siblings for the first time after five years)

number twelve, AKA THE ULTIMATE QUOTE

"the one who placed first" YOU HEAR THAT? YUE QINGYUAN IS THE PERSON HE ADMIRES AND REVERES THE MOST. AND NOT BECAUSE HE LOVED SHEN QINGQIU, IT'S NOT AN ADMIRATION BORN OF A SELFISH FEELING. it's because yue qingyuan is The Protector. THE BLEEDING HEART. he admires his kindness, his self-sacrificing nature, and even if shen qingqiu doesn't know, this are traits they have in common.

number thirteen

siblings-coded exhibit 3: when your other little brother tattles on you to your older brother and you're planning revenge

Remaining seated, Yue Qingyuan looked at him. “A lot of nonsense you’ve stirred up these days,” he said mildly. “Are you done?” Yue Qingyuan had never assumed such a severe attitude when speaking to him before, even going so far as to use a word like “nonsense.” This was already the equivalent of a flogging. It seemed that Liu Qingge had badmouthed him quite thoroughly. Shen Qingqiu swore that one day he’d steal Cheng Luan and use it to chop all the pork hock in all the kitchens of the Twelve Peaks. He’d chop until the oily sheen smothered all its sword glares!

so yue qingyuan being mad at you feels like the equivalent of a flogging. i get you sqq. like when my mom or my brother are mad at me i really feel like crying. anyway. it's hilarious that sqq is planning on stealing chen luan because liu qingge allegedly tattled on him to yue qingyuan.

it's obvious that shen qingqiu recognizes yue qingyuan as a figure of authority in his life, he respects him and as i said before, he cares about what yue qingyuan thinks of him.

number fourteen

we know that shen qingqiu's unconscious actions say a lot about him as a person, and the fact that he unconsciously took a step towards yue qingyuan speaks volumes. he's practically wavering between following yue qingyuan or staying with luo binghe.

this will not be the first time he hesitates to go with luo binghe on the face of yue qingyuan's request/order to stay with him. and in this case, he does stay with cang qiong because the situation has gotten pretty bad.

He didn’t know how long he could hold the others off, and he absolutely couldn’t abandon this mess of a situation and escape with Luo Binghe. Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge had been brazen with their show of bias, and Wu Wang was already furious. Either Shen Qingqiu or Luo Binghe had to stay behind, or open conflict would erupt between Zhao Hua Monastery and Cang Qiong Mountain.

yue qingyuan and liu qingge just protected him in front of everyone, so he chooses to stay with them. shen qingqiu is incredibly loyal to them, and most importantly, he doesn't want cang qiong mountain to get into trouble because of him.

this is as good a moment to remind you all that in a lot of instances cqm = yqy in shen qingqiu's mind. obviously there is also the other peak lords and the disciples, but this is important. it isn't just because yqy is the sect leader. yue qingyuan was the first martial sibling he met, the one that welcomed him to the world of pidw and the one that kept him company those first days post-transmigration.

+ bonus: siblings coded exhibit 4:

yqy, out loud so others hear: you're grounded also yqy, whispering: let's have dinner and watch a movie once we get home, what do you want for dessert?

i can't stop laughing

+ bonus 2: parallelisms

(this moment is right after shen qingqiu has learned of shen jiu's past and woke up after being unconscious for 5 days)

When he next opened them, what filled his vision instead was a white bed curtain, its corners decorated with tassels. At the sudden change in scenery, Shen Qingqiu froze in place, surprised and unable to react—at least not before he heard Yue Qingyuan’s voice beside him. “Awake?” Shen Qingqiu mechanically blinked a couple times. His throat felt a bit dry, but he forced out his voice. “Zhangmen-shixiong.” (...) Shen Qingqiu awkwardly sat up. Suddenly, he thought this scene was a little familiar. The first time he’d woken in this world, Yue Qingyuan had also been at his bedside, watching over him.

number fifteen

so shen qingqiu knows he can get away with disobeying yue qingyuan and doing whatever he wants because yqy will forgive him anyway, and yet he chooses to respect yqy's decision and authority. of course he'll later convince yue qingyuan that he should allow him to go, like he's done many times before, but he won't deliberately disobey his zhangmen-shixiong.

so later, when they're on their way to maigu ridge, he tries to convince yqy that he must go with them. this is when yue qingyuan gets THIS CLOSE to locking him up in qiong ding hall.

now this is officially the only time yue qingyuan has done something remotely yandere-y adjacent. and not without reason! shen qingqiu died by self-detonation, then he returned after 5 years, then he was taken by a demon emperor, then he spent 5 days unconscious etc etc. he's admittedly very worried that shen qingqiu will die on him again, this time without a miraculous return. and the best thing? shen qingqiu doesn't know what to do. he didn't know whether to reach with his sword or not, whether to fight yue qingyuan on this or not. he wants to listen to yue qingyuan, but he also wants to go save the world.

and EVEN when he's finally allowed to go to Luo River, he hesitates again when he notices yue qingyuan may be struggling!

number sixteen

the reveal at maigu ridge's scene is really long, quoting it all would be a complete nightmare. so i'll just tell you to go read it because it reiterates some of the things i've already pointed out:

-shen qingqiu worrying about yue qingyuan

Thinking he was fine, Shen Qingqiu let go, but once he did, Yue Qingyuan didn’t remain standing for long before he unexpectedly collapsed again. Shen Qingqiu blanched with shock, then hurried to help him up again. “Zhangmen-shixiong? Zhangmen-shixiong?” After a brief examination, even with his superficial medical knowledge, he could tell that Yue Qingyuan’s current condition was horrible.

-shen qingqiu feeling guilty for causing yue qingyuan trouble

-shen qingqiu almost crying because of qijiu's tragic story and because it breaks his heart seeing yue qingyuan like this

number seventeen

i pointed out earlier that shen qingqiu idolizes yue qingyuan, and this is the first time he sees him so weak, which understandably makes him panic a lot. shen qingqiu thinks yue qingyuan is being talkative because he's dying, but shen qingqiu is having none of it

sobs shen qingqiu is so desperate to keep him alive.

+ bonus 3: yet again shen qingqiu's heart breaking for yue qingyuan

number eighteen

shen qingqiu, post-maigu ridge, wakes up, and upon remembering that he'd left zhangmen-shixiong in a pretty bad situation, he runs out of the lingxi caves in a panic.

you don't know how much this scene makes me feel

like, the moment luo binghe is out of the picture, yue qingyuan's safety becomes his main worry

then when he finally sees him, he's so happy that yqy is fine!

number nineteen: the goodbye scene

But even though he was the sect leader, Yue Qingyuan didn’t go with them. Instead, he stood in place, silently staring at Shen Qingqiu. For some reason, it became comparatively more awkward. As if testing the waters, Yue Qingyuan said, “Xiao-Jiu…” “Shixiong,” said Shen Qingqiu, “it’s Qingqiu.” Even though it would be too difficult to tell Yue Qingyuan the truth, Shen Qingqiu still hoped he could demonstrate the difference in other ways. Yue Qingyuan was stunned for a bit, then gave a small smile. “It’s Qingqiu. Qingqiu-shidi.”

i think this is the first time they've ever been awkward with each other. shen qingqiu says it would be difficult to tell him the truth, whether because the system won't allow him or because it'd be emotionally stressful for him to do so we don't know; but he still wants to mark the difference between the original and himself anyway, because he doesn't want to deceive yue qingyuan.

“What are your plans for the future?” asked Yue Qingyuan. “I have no plans for the time being,” said Shen Qingqiu. “First I’ll wait for Luo Binghe to return and see how he’s doing.” Yue Qingyuan smiled. “You truly adore that disciple.” Shen Qingqiu was searching for a way to answer when Yue Qingyuan said, “Shidi, Cang Qiong Mountain will forever be a place to which you can return whenever you tire of wandering the outside world.” These words were said with utmost sincerity and solemnity. Yue Qingyuan had always been this way. Whatever he promised, he would definitely deliver. And what he couldn’t deliver, he would endeavor to make up for, no matter the cost.

after learning of his past, after all that's happened, shen qingqiu's admiration remains unwavering. their relationship has become more complicated on account of the ghost that haunts it, but if anything, shen qingqiu's feelings for yue qingyuan have only deepened with this new understanding.

After assuming the role of this novel character, Shen Qingqiu had always refused to become the scum villain from the original work. He’d drawn a clear boundary between them and taken great pride in walking the opposite path. So never before had he felt such a powerful and impulsive thought: If only he really were Shen Jiu. If only that person could really hear these words.

but his heart still breaks for yue qingyuan and shen jiu and what they have lost.

[Luo Binghe] stood utterly alone, without a single person beside him. When the people walking past saw his face, their own faces filled with all sorts of expressions. Shen Qingqiu involuntarily ran forward a couple of steps, then turned his head to look at the person behind him. “Go on,” said Yue Qingyuan. He stood behind Shen Qingqiu, silent and with good grace. It was as if one was the past and the other the future.

this is the last interaction between shen qingqiu and yue qingyuan in the main novel. before leaving with luo binghe, he turns back and silently asks for yue qingyuan's permission, his approval.

it's like getting your family's blessing before running off with your paramour.

this is yue qingyuan to shen qingqiu: the person that stood by his side from the moment he was reborn into the world of proud immortal demon way, the steadfast, strong and reliable older brother that gave him a family and a place to call his, that has fought for and defended him against all his enemies to the detriment of his own reputation. shen qingqiu respects, admires and will try to do what yue qingyuan says, because he's the only authority figure shen qingqiu recognizes in this life. even if yue qingyuan's care was born out of his feelings for shen jiu, shen qingqiu can't stop caring for him, being grateful for his presence and the comfort it gave him throughout all these years. even after learning the truth, his only regret is that he can't bring shen jiu back so yue qingyuan and him can get some closure.

that's love, my dudes.

[piratefalls]

another long list, except it's a day early because this is how i give thanks.

list one. list two. list three. list four. list five.

No Sense or Sensibility by inexplicablymine

“When and where was your first kiss.” Oh shit. The thing is… Alex actually has an answer to this one, it’s just a matter of admitting that it happened. ____________________ Kennedy’s. 7pm, Pub Quiz and Ice Cream. Every Monday ‘til death due us part. Alex liked his little routine, until Derryl got it in his head to host The goddamn Newlywed Game instead.

I'm Rememberin' I Promised (to Forget you Now) by Angelwithwingsoffire

It's been six years since Alex Claremont-Diaz graduated law school. And he's made a good life for himself, working with a firm he enjoys and making a difference in the world. Until a part of his past he'd thought he'd gotten over seven years ago walked back into his office asking for his help. To get a divorce. Which Alex has never done before. But he's never been able to say no, and he's willing to put his heart back under the bus for the chance at one more smile.

Rogue's Gallery by OrchidScript

Loathe as Alex was to admit it, Henry Fox was going to be a legend someday. He already was in the bureau depending on who was answering. Tied to art theft, jewel theft, one or two little sweet confidence schemes, and an alleged counterfeit Super Bowl ring, but caught on three counts of art forgery, the blond Brit had run circles around the Art Crimes division for six years. He was quick, smarter than the average bear, and more detail-oriented than a nuclear chemist. He had a penchant for nice suits, silk ties, and gin tonics with lime. He wrote letters to agents in taunting poetry, tucking them under windshield wipers or posting them to the office directly. Once, he managed to drop one directly into the pocket of a plainclothes officer without them seeing his face. _____________________ Henry Fox is a famous art forger, and Alex is the FBI agent who caught him three years ago. When one of Henry's aliases comes up attached to a new case, can the two put aside their cat-and-mouse past to put the copycat away?

Queer little ducks hold a special place in my heart. by anarchyat4am

Henry’s at a local Hispanic Heritage Month event browsing the art stalls when his gaze catches on a kid looking around with both purpose and nervousness. She’s fidgeting with the hem of her t-shirt with one hand while she bites the nails of the other one, eyes alert and searching. Lost, then. And oh, Henry recognises her. She’s a regular at his bookstore, even at only six years old, and is there at least weekly with her dad—Alex, who she’d introduced to Henry as her papi—or various aunties and uncles, most of whom Henry doesn’t think are actually related to her. Keeping one eye on her, he lets his gaze sweep the vicinity but doesn’t see anyone else he even remotely recognises. Shit. He has to do something. “Sirena?” he calls gently. * Henry... is more than a bit useless around hot guys. So when he finds the lost kid of the gorgeous dad who frequents his bookstore, he pulls himself together until they reunite, only to then be devastated by the revelation that the man thinks Henry hates him. And, well... courage always rises, and all that.

just say you won't let go by viciouslyqueer

After dancing around each other for months, Alex and Henry finally get together. The morning after comes with a slight misunderstanding and comforting words.

We were supposed to find this by kiwiana

Still, half an hour after shaking Prince Henry’s hand for the first time, he finds himself back in his hotel room with one shoe and sock hurriedly tugged off and his right foot resting on his left knee. Just to check. Just in case Alex is somehow, by some miracle, about to become the first documented case of Surprise! You Can Totally Have A Different Soulmate, We Fucked Up And Your One Kind Of Sucks. No such luck. The words are the same as they’ve always been, etched into his skin in a careful, calligraphic font. The kind of handwriting someone might have if, for example, they came from the sort of family that valued tradition and etiquette far higher than letting their children write like normal human beings.

Sit. Down. Please Stay. by politics_and_prose

Alex adopts a dog he found abandoned on the side of the road. She's nervous and he wants to make sure he knows how to give her the best life possible. Enter Henry Fox and his beagle David.

muscle memory by stutteringpeach

It's been ten years since Alex was in London to stage a PR friendship with Henry after ruining the royal wedding. It's also been ten years since Alex dropped to his knees in front of Henry in a Kensington Palace kitchen. But now Henry's in the Hamptons for the summer, and who should he bump into? None other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, who happens to be working in New York all summer long.

The Perils of Midsomer Residency by clottedcreamfudge

"I'm sure I don't need to tell you that care should be taken, given the Mountchristens' local influence?" Liam nods. "Sir." Luna then turns to Alex. "Do not piss anyone in that family off." Alex throws his hands in the air. "So many aspersions have been cast on my good character this morning that I could start a fucking farm. An aspersions farm." Luna narrows his eyes. "Correction," he says, "have another coffee and then do not piss anyone in that family off. Don't make me regret fast-tracking you through the ICI Development Programme." * After getting shot in the line of duty back in Texas, June forces Alex into a change of scenery. Because how much can really be going on in the quaint little English county of Midsomer?

something that feels like forever by dearestalez

“You’re crying,” she pointed out. Alex choked on a laugh, wiping his eyes. “I’m just-” he sniffed, holding her so delicately Henry felt herself melt into the touch. “I’m so happy for you, baby.” — alex and henry are so in love it makes me want to rip out my heart and stomp on it but slash pos

behind brick walls by weather_stained

After Henry and Alex move in together, it takes quite a while for them to fully adjust to their newfound freedom. Alex very much enjoys watching Henry grow more comfortable in his own skin after a lifetime of looking over his shoulder.

It's a (Birth)date by Celaestis

5 times Henry is oblivious that they're dating and 1 time he isn't.

Save a Horse, Ride a Princess by affectionatelyrs

“I have to say, this is all quite literal, don’t you think?” Alex wouldn’t know literal right now if it hit him in the head. “Huh?” Henry points at Alex: “Pillow Princess,” and then to himself: “Cowboy. Ready to ride and all that.” Alex nods dumbly. “Right.” - Or, Alex and Henry dress up as the ultimate couples costume for Halloween — themselves — and they both feel some kind of way about it

baby boy by smc_27

It starts as a joke. Alex taking the piss about how much money Henry has. How he could have anything he wanted, from anyone he wanted, if only he just asked.

My Songs Know Secrets You're Sick of Keeping by ma_lark_ey, paythe_piper

"How about this," Alex offered, "If I win AOTY, I announce Henry and I in my acceptance speech. If I don't, we do it your way." OR: Alex is a world famous pop punk star, Henry is still the Prince of England, and the public is onto them.

Au Naturel by cmere

The French doors leading to the office are thrown open, so he has a moment to take in the scene in front of him: Alex, lying on his stomach on the floor, feet kicked up and crossed at the ankle, surrounded by books, papers, and two open laptops. None of that, however, catches Henry's attention as much as Alex's hair, secured in a small, messy knot on top of his head with nothing but a single wooden chopstick. Henry blinks rapidly several times. "Alex," Henry says, somehow hoarse. Alex's head whirls around. There's a single, perfectly curled tendril over the apple of his cheek; his scruff has hit the mystical, magical point where it's more soft beard than prickly shadow; his reading glasses sit atop his adorable nose; and Henry realizes with sudden gravity that he's not entirely in control of his physical responses anymore—something has to give. Alex hasn't really been bothering with some of his usual upkeep, and Henry is kind of extremely into it.

You deserve my love by whateveridk

“I’ll leave as soon as you tell me to." Henry had turned towards him, stealing himself, sticking his chin out, and said “leave.” Alex has been picking up the pieces ever since. Two years later, living with Nora and June in NYC, it still haunts him, but it's fine. Whatever, he is fine. And then... Breaking News: Prince Henry comes out as gay So it's not fine, Alex is not fine.

sex ed in 6 steps by coffeecatsme

“Please tell me you used a condom, Fox,” Alex drawls out, leaning against the wall, and Henry chokes on his next breath.“Excuse me?”“You’re gonna tell me all about this tomorrow, but for the love of God, tell me you used a condom and we won’t have mini Henrys on campus anytime soon.” Or, 5 times Alex thinks Henry's straight and 1 time he finds out the truth. Or, 5 times Alex jokes about Henry's sex life and 1 time he gets to be a part of it.

More Than A Makeover by everwitch

The Fab Five—Alex, June, Nora, Liam and Spencer—descend on a New York based shelter for disenfranchised queer youth to give the place a much needed makeover. As the week progresses, sparks start to fly between Alex, the culinary representative of the queertastic quintet, and Henry, the sweetly charming founder of the shelter. It’s a deeply emotional week full of unexpected realizations, and certainly a week that strengthens Henry’s friendship with Pez in ways that neither of them quite knew they needed. As the week comes to a close and the Queer Eye team say their goodbyes, it remains to be seen what will become of the warm connection between Alex and Henry. Will it last, or was it too much of a perfect miracle to ever grow into something real?

The Royal Wedding by DracoWillHearAboutThis

HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE HENRY OF WALES AND MR ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ ARE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED HM Queen Mary is delighted to announce the engagement of Prince Henry to Mr. Alexander Claremont-Diaz. The wedding will take place in the Spring or Summer of 2025, in London. Further details about the wedding date will be announced in due course.  Prince Henry and Mr. Claremont-Diaz became engaged earlier this week during a private holiday in Paris. Prince Henry has informed The Queen and other close members of his family. Prince Henry has sought and received the blessings of Mr. Claremont-Diaz's parents.  The couple will live in Nottingham Cottage at Kensington Palace. 

A Toast to the Night by allmylovesatonce

Henry looks up from his drink and swears his jaw drops. Standing in front of him is one of the most beautiful men he’s ever seen. From his dark brown curls to the way his deep eyes gleam as he stands there, an awkward smile on his face. Henry is nearly sure this man is going to ask for his seat. He probably has some woman with him, scouring for a place to sit. “Uh, hi,” the man says. “Hi.” “Look, this is really awkward,” he says and Henry feels the confirmation in his gut — also maybe disappointment. “My ex-boyfriend just walked in and I really don’t want to talk to him. I was wondering if I could sit here with you so that he won’t talk to me.”

That's What You Get For Waking Up in Vegas by bleedingballroomfloor

The bartender slides Alex the whiskey and shot of water before turning her attention to the person behind him. He turns around at the same time as the person speaks, “Gin and tonic” in all rounded vowels, a distinct English accent shining through, and he swears his heart stops. “Holy shit,” Alex says before he can stop the words from slipping out of his mouth. “Henry?” When Alex is celebrating June and Nora's bachelorette party in Vegas, the last person he expects to see is his ex-boyfriend Henry, who moved back to London nearly a year ago. Waking up next to him the following morning, naked and sated with a marriage certificate poking out of his pocket, he starts to wonder if he's truly over Henry.

hang on 'til the chaos is through by ShyAudacity

David is lounging on his spot at the foot of the bed when Alex comes in. He opts not to turn on the light, not wanting to disturb Henry, but then quickly finds that the light is on in their bathroom. Henry must still be getting cleaned up before bed; Alex can say hello and check on Henry when he steps out. It’s weird that he’s still up. Henry was awake well before Alex was this morning and… come to think of it, Alex can’t remember him ever coming to bed last night. Alex has only made it through the top three buttons on his dress shirt when he hears a terrifying crash come from the bathroom. Clutching his chest, he steps towards their shared bathroom, afraid to see what’s on the other side. “Henry? …H, what was-.” Alex stops short in the doorway, startled to find the love of his life in a miserable heap on the bathroom floor.

Sad Again (Don't Tell My Boyfriend) by lucy_in_the_sky

After proposing to Alex, Henry writes a letter to his father reflecting on all the moments he’ll never get to share with him. AKA Alex comforts a mourning Henry and promises to be there for him, forever and always.

monster mash by matherine

None of Henry’s answers to “Who are you supposed to be?” are particularly funny to anyone but him, especially in his inebriated state, so he’s completely given up on making any sense when the latest person asks him, someone who he assumes is yet another sorority girl in a skimpy costume from the glimpse of a cheerleading skirt he gets while they brush past him to open the fridge. “George Villiers,” he offers. “Deep cut, England,” a decidedly male voice snorts, and Henry can’t help the way his head snaps up, eyes wide.

Take it Down Low / Make Me Get High by Mags (sparklepocalypse)

“Henry,” Alex rasps wonderingly, sounding almost entranced, “I want to eat your ass.” Henry’s train of thought screeches to a halt with such force that for a moment, he thinks he might’ve had a stroke.

how did a middle-class divorcé do it? by Time_Sequence

Not really concerned, Alex watched the typing bubble appear – disappear – appear again, like Henry couldn’t quite find the words to say what it was he was thinking. Most likely, he was trying to find the perfect sarcastic quip in response. What came through made him genuinely pause. HRH Prince Dickhead💩: You complete and utter moron Then, HRH Prince Dickhead💩: Royalty can’t marry divorcees If Alex had been having a good time before, he definitely wasn’t now. - When a joking interview reveals that Alex and Nora drunkenly married ten years ago, suddenly Alex's upcoming wedding to Prince Henry is jeopardised.

discreet packaging by demigodbeautiies

“Please, please, please explain to me,” Zahra says, finally, sounding more than a little bit long-suffering. “Why I had to have the head of the Secret Service sit me down and tell me to give you a talk about avoiding bomb scares with unidentifiable packaging.”

the world watched (and the world smiled) by fangirl6202

"Oh,” Alex says finally, faintly, touching one hand to his lips. Then: “Shit.”  His mind catches up then, realizing that Henry is walking away and he doesn't even think twice. He begins to quite literally chase after him, trying to get to him before he can get away or, God forbid, try to fly back to England and ghost him.   Henry is very pointedly not looking at him, stuttering apology over apology until Alex has to quite literally throw himself in front of him to get him to stop. Alex doesn’t know what to do. But the answer is simple, isn’t it? So fucking simple.   He takes Prince Fucking Charming’s lapels into his hand and kisses him back.  Or; it's New Years, and Henry stays.

Rabbit Hole by TuppingLiberty

Some sort of non-famous au, don't worry, there's not really a plot. Alex has been going down a research rabbit hole for hours and Henry comes to rescue him.

Let Loose Your Glow by athousandrooms

“Seems like my liege was caught in a situation where he’d rather the ground swallow him whole.” Pez nods towards a spot to the side, and Alex follows his gaze. He spots Henry easily – a tall lighthouse of tousled blond hair – talking to a girl who is clearly into him. His expression looks perfectly polite, but he’s subtly leaning away, and he looks tense. So, Alex makes an impulsive decision. Whatever happens, this is going to be fun. *** Or: Alex is so very definitely straight, so pretending to be Henry’s boyfriend to get him out of an awkward situation should just be a fun little pastime - except that he doesn't really want to stop, and he has no idea why. But maybe it's okay to not think too hard and let himself go with the flow, for once.

Things I Cannot Accept by SprigsofViolets

In 2016, Ellen Claremont lost the presidential election. In 2019, Alex Claremont-Diaz is not the first son of the United States, so he’s shocked when his path crosses with Prince Henry for the first time in almost four years.

How well you play...that's up to you by happinessofthepursuit

Treacherous (adjective) guilty of or involving betrayal or deception; (of ground, water, conditions, etc.) hazardous because of presenting hidden or unpredictable dangers. Or, how to describe surgical residency in a single word. A Grey's Anatomy inspired AU.

In Accord by absoluteaudacity

Pursuant to the establishment of an ongoing relationship between The Crown and the Office of the President of the United States, the representatives of the The Queen and Her interests are authorised to establish a contract of marriage between His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales and Alexander Claremont-Diaz.

A Heart Even More Your Own by chaa_kiao

“Guess you’ll be writing those poems after all.” He swallows. "I should go." Henry’s mind— every part of him, really— his heart, his body, his fucking soul— is screaming at him to take it all back. To hell with the monarchy, the American presidency, damn it all. This is the man he’s spent his entire life loving and he’s throwing it away for a legacy he doesn’t give a single fuck about. He forces out a rough “I think so,” but he can’t hear it over the ringing in his ears. “I love you.” “Alex—” “I know,” Alex says. “I just had to say it.” _______ Or: Alex and Henry getting back together takes a little bit longer this time.

you are my mountain (you are my sea) by alasse

Five times Alex and Henry have important conversations in houses, and one time they have a very important conversation in a castle.

Down For the Count by LolaLand (Lola_di_Penates)

Alex came to Las Vegas to count cards, not feelings. Henry came to win it all. Is it possible to find something real in Sin City, where nearly everything isn’t as it seems? OR Goodbye reality, hello Vegas (the blackjack/poker AU).

Let Them Eat Cake by rohruh

“I wanna eat you out,” Alex’s voice comes out raspy and intrepid through the phone pressed against Henry’s ear. Henry lets out a soft whine at the admission, his breath up-ticking in synchrony with his hips as he thrusts up into his hand. “I’d like that,” he tells Alex eagerly, cradling the phone in his palm as though he could materialize Alex right there in front of him if he presses it against his ear firmly enough. “I’ve never done it to a guy before,” Alex confesses. “Is it… different from eating out a girl? I bet you’d taste so good, baby. Fuck.”

A Thousand Words by Thunder_Cakes

After that Han/Leia mural both their accounts go silent for a while. For months, actually. They’re both in therapy after Alex tried to post a selfie with June after election night and had a panic attack before he could hit “Share.” Suddenly the thought of sharing the details of his life and loved ones with the world is paralyzing. Wonder why. or: Alex, Henry and what they choose to share of their life

All for a Taste of the Honey by chamel

“So you’re telling me you’re not in favor of this plan,” Henry says eventually. “No, I’m fucking not,” Alex huffs, glaring at him. “It’s stupid and dangerous and unnecessary.” Henry cocks one perfect eyebrow at him. “You have another idea for how to get access to the room where he does his deals? The one that only ever admits Vega, his associates, and the strippers who entertain them?” (Or, an FBI agent!Stripper!Henry fic. Henry goes undercover at a strip club, and Alex has a lot of feelings about that.)

in the mood for... by carzla

Henry knows that he’s the one who said “casual”, and it had been a reminder to himself that that was all it could ever be between him and Alex. So, telling Alex that they should “make love” is probably a mistake in syntax bigger than he could safely afford. But they’re in Paris and Henry is feeling terribly, terribly maudlin.

something good and right and real by HypnosTheory

“This is pretty expensive for a high school trinket.” “Everything is bigger in Texas,” Alex jokes. Henry looks up at Alex, who’s standing with his shoulders relaxed for the first time since October. The relief of his mother’s victory has made him loose-limbed and calm, his smile easy and lovely. Henry looks down at the crown in his hands and back at Alex. He imagines the gold half-buried in Alex’s hair, heavy on the man’s brow, decadent and royal. Henry swallows, face heating, and holds the crown out to Alex. “Put it on.” -- After the election, Henry explores Alex’s childhood room. He finds trinkets of a young Alex that intrigue him, including a crown that gives him some ideas.

In His Wildest Dreams by myheartalive

Once Alex has pulled out, Henry turns over to face him. He strokes the hair softly away from his face and Alex smiles at him. “So… that happened again.” Henry leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. “Indeed.” There’s a sort of thoughtful pause, where Henry can see Alex working to pull together the right words. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you that… thirsty?” “Oh, bugger off,” Henry says, but he’s laughing. It’s a fair description. “No, but I mean it. You were like… urgent. It was hot.” “It felt hot. I liked waking up like that. With you up against me, trying to have your way with me.” — Set in and around the Henry bonus chapter, this is a story about Henry and Alex’s hectic schedules, family appearances etc. pulling them apart, and about what starts to happen between them, in the quiet of night: their sleeping bodies turning to each other, finding their sweet spots and opening up. And Alex and Henry learning a lot about each other in the process — Mind the tags, y'all. That particular tag features prominently and it’s a major plot point, so if that’s not your jam, just hit the back button.

until next time!

[affixjoy]

I’ve been trying to bookmark the fics that I like more often so I can actually remember where to find things, but I like the idea of talking about them here more too. I’ve been blown away by the talent and creativity in this fandom and I want to shout it from the rooftops!

With that in mind, here are some Spirk fics that I’ve loved lately!

Time After Time by spaceisgay (ChancellorGriffin)

Summary:

Sam Kirk’s younger brother James is posted to the Enterprise on a six-month rotation. Spock, preoccupied with thoughts of his sister, regards this as an unique opportunity to study another pair of adult siblings in their natural habitat.

That is very much not what happens.

My thoughts: guys I feel absolutely insane about this one. It’s just so, so good. It was one of the first Spirk fics I read when I started getting into it a few months ago, and I just reread it last week because I wanted to know if it was as good as I remembered. It very much is!!!

Highlights: sibling feelings, horny mind melds, THE DINNER TABLE SCENE, dungeons and dragons.

Entering Orbit by museaway

SUMMARY:

Jim escapes to Iowa to avoid the media frenzy following the Narada incident, but a late-night miscommunication results in Spock turning up on his front porch.

My thoughts: this was great to read after watching Star Trek (2009) a few weeks ago. I don’t love the Abrams movies but there is some really spectacular fic out there for them that almost makes up for it.

Highlights: Bartender Jim and cooking for each other.

Not in Front of the Klingons by @android-and-ale

Summary: Our beloved Old Married Spirk have been sent off on yet another diplomatic mission. They’re an (in)famous presence in Federation politics, so really, everyone should know what to expect from them. If you bug their rooms you deserve what you see and hear.

Enjoy canon level “diplomacy,” the eternal mediocrity of conference centers, and lighthearted middle aged sex.

My thoughts: this is DELIGHTFUL and I adore it. Old married Spirk has become one of my favorite things to read lately and this nails it.

Highlights: the way they banter and laugh during sex. They’re so comfortable and happy together, it’s lovely.

The recitation of names by Moreta1848@jennelikejennay

Summary:

Two hundred crew members died in the attack on the USS Farragut by a sentient cloud creature. Now the ship has to limp home with traumatized survivors and a borrowed crew. Lieutenant James T. Kirk is doing the worst of anyone, but he won't admit why and doesn't want help.

One of the borrowed crew is Lieutenant Commander Spock. He feels a strange magnetism toward the troubled lieutenant, but the chain of command and his duty to the ship must always come first.

My thoughts: I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the idea of the recitation of names. It’s a beautiful way to grieve, and having Kirk and Spock do it together here is such a moving way for them to get to know each other.

Highlights: unplanned roommates, a lot of feelings about therapy/healing, just a lot of FEELINGS.

the yeomen of the garden (and laundry) by @cicaklah

Summary:

“So you and El-Tee Kirk?” Greig said as Spock came to collect his clothing again after yet another incident. “Is something going on there?”

Spock just blinks. “Which Kirk brother are you referring to?”

Greig shrugs. “I didn’t know there was more than one of them.”

Spock nods. “I am not in a relationship with Sam Kirk, if that is what you are asking.”

Greig gives him the finger-phasers. “Oh cool, cool, that's what I thought. Sweet. Tell your buddy to get better okay? His chest must be so raw after everything he’s been through to damage so many tops.”

My thoughts: this whole series has been a blast to read, but this is probably the one that has stuck in my head the most. There’s something about seeing what other people are up to on The Enterprise that hits me in the right way, and I love the laundry guy here.

Highlights: the garden, laundry workers having all the best gossip

K'diwa: A Steamy Novel of Interspecies Romance, by Jim Kirk by branwyn

Summary:

Jim wrote a romance novel just to prove he could. Then someone leaked it on the public Starfleet server, and suddenly his embarrassingly smutty and sentimental Human/Vulcan love story is all over campus. Luckily for Jim, no one knows that he’s the author. Unluckily for Jim, someone forwarded the novel to the staff of the Vulcan embassy. Now, every Vulcan in San Francisco is reassessing the logical merits of taking Human bondmates.

Spock reads a Human/Vulcan romance novel because he can hardly avoid it. Suddenly, he is consumed by the need to locate the author, ascertain their wellbeing, and instruct them in the way of Vulcan mating bonds. Luckily for Spock, it doesn't take long to identify the author as Jim Kirk. Unluckily for Spock, Jim is unconscious and surrounded by interested Vulcans who also read the book.

My thoughts: this was so fun to read! I love Jim writing a romance novel, I love how they set up all his friends at the Academy, and I love Spock falling in love with him through reading his work.

Highlights: all the Vulcan culture stuff was interesting, and I really love Gaila in this one.

[my-hot-awkward-turian-boyfriend]

Official Shakarian & Mass Effect Fanfics Master Post

all of my shakarian and mass effects fics in one post, divided into categories: one shots, chapter fics, series, gifts/giveaways

ONE SHOTS:

some things you just can't speak about

4.4k words, rated T, updated May 14th, 2024, "three short shakarian scenes: after the battle of the citadel, before the suicide mission, and after they've been reunited six months later" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/33066811

First Choice

6.8k words, rated T, "a series of moments from the first, second, and third games showcasing the growth of Garrus and Shepard's friendship and relationship" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/33245413

and for the first time i had something to lose

2.2k words, rated T, "Garrus moving through the motions of life after the war, always imagining Shepard is still there with him" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/37477735

prove that i'm me, prove that i'm yours

2k words, rated T, "Garrus questions Shepard's identity after being dead for two years, but after the events of his rescue on Omega, she promises to prove herself to him (and maybe realises she has deeper feelings)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/38504269

we always find our way back to each other

6k words, rated T, "Shep doesn't recruit Garrus for the Saren mission, but every time she returns to the Citadel, they just so happen to bump into each other, and he's always there when she needs someone" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/38989122

tell me it's okay not to be all right

7.4k words, rated T, "Garrus dealing with losing Shep multiple times in multiple ways but never giving up on her and always being willing to follow her lead" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/40121526

the first rule of f*** club is: you do not talk about f*** club

1.2k words, rated M, the title honestly says it all; there's just no good way to summarize this fic ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/41340453

Needs Satisfied

2.5k words, rated E, "Shep takes Garrus' offer of *needing* him quite literally and they hook up in the main battery because waiting until the end of me2 is just silly when there's already so much sexual tension in the air" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/47238556

In Good Company

3.6k words, rated E, "Aria tells Shep to find someone to hookup with, and Shep decides that that probably wouldn't be such a bad idea. She wants Garrus but is under the impression Garrus doesn't want her. Until, that is, he comes across her flirting with another turian in the club. It's all uphill from there." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/49033144

caught between a rock and a hard turian

6k words, rated E, "Garrus gets hit by cloud of sex pollen and Shep is the one who needs to help with his release to get the reaction out of his system. They both think the sex is strictly situational until Shep approaches Garrus to talk with him about it after the fact. That's when they finally realise they've both been harbouring feelings for each other." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/49741477

here in the shadow of bittersweet memories

2.3k words, rated T, no dialogue, the development of Garrus' relationship with Shepard throughout the trilogy, ambiguous/open ending, inspired by the song "She Always Takes It Black" by Benjamin Francis Leftwich ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/55607125

his hand, so calloused from his pistol, softly traces hearts on my face

3k words, rated E, AU, "Garrus is Shep's target but trying to catch and capture him turns into more of a game than anything...and then the game turns into something a bit more genuine" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/56501716

i've seen how it ends and the joke's on them

4.5k words, rated E, "When Shep propositions Garrus for sex out of the blue, he decides it would be foolish to deny her (and foolish to deny the crush that's been building for some time now) but he comes to find out it was simply a misunderstanding... or was it?" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/58640272

CHAPTER FICS:

torment me, challenge me, make me bleed

68.7k words, 10 chapters, rated E, "If Garrus had followed through with actually reapplying for spectre status. Still follows the events of me2 and me3 rather closely but with some variations. Additional/missing scenes. Altered scenes. Rearranged dialogue." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/36648406/chapters/91415290

When Planets Align

63.2k words, 11 chapters, rated E, "Shepard is brought back by Cerberus and her first mission is to track down Omega's infamous Archangel. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. Nor can anything ever be simple." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/36485758/chapters/90981499

a memory is nothing more than a stepping stone

39.3k words, 6 chapters, rated E, "Post-me3 Shep has just woken up in a hospital to the sound of gunfire. She doesn't remember how she got there--or the turian who shows up to help her escape the men trying to track her down. Turns out she doesn't remember anything from the last nearly four years of her life..." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/41401683/chapters/103823640

A Rose By Any Other Name

40.5k words, 3 chapters, rated E, Beauty & the Beast AU, "A universe where Shep works for the Shadow Broker and is assigned a mission to look into who Archangel is and discovers far more than she ever could've imagined (or dreamed of) both about Archangel and herself" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/40879761/chapters/102442695

the path reveals itself with each step taken forward

15.8k words, 3 chapters, rated E, "A timeline of the events from a memory is nothing more than a stepping stone but from Garrus' POV instead... Experience Garrus' side and feelings from dealing with Shep having no memory of him or their relationship." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/42647103/chapters/107126943

Doubled Edged Lockdown

15.5k words, 8 chapters, rated E, "AU where Shep is sent to assassinate Archangel but everything about her plan backfires when the station goes into a lockdown and they end up being stuck together for an undisclosed amount of time" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/43114659/chapters/108350778

magnificently cursed (the fatal flaw)

40.5k words, 8 chapters, rated E, "The first contact war has just ended, and the humans and turians have agreed upon an alliance through marriage. Novella Shepard is the human volunteer, which she has no qualms about...until she meets Garrus Vakarian, whom she has a brief yet passionate affair with. Except he is not the turian volunteer.... In the end, will the alliance come to fruition, or will it turn into another disaster?" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/47581291/chapters/119918797

Mixing Work With Pleasure

17.1k words, 4 chapters, rated E, "AU where Garrus and Shep are set up on a blind date and end up really hitting it off. Turns out they're also working in the same profession, although that's not discussed until the day they realise they work for the same company. How they find out is not necessarily planned, but they're not complaining about the new experience" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/49205854/chapters/124157668

the fate of the stars

4.7k words, 22 chapters, rated T, "A collection of drabbles using tarot and appointing each major arcana to certain moments/sequences from throughout the trilogy..." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/50110447/chapters/126546565

once upon a time, the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned (checkmate)

73.1k words, 6 chapters, rated E, "A minor retelling of the series based on if Shepard and Garrus had met years before the Saren mission and how their relationship progresses over time" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/54178876/chapters/137183806

SERIES:

it'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you

22.6k words, rated E, complete, "shakarian smut after significant moments throughout the trilogy" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/2550892

love in the dark

10.3k words, rated E, complete, "AU canon divergence of moments Shep and Garrus get together without realising they're about to be with each other again" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3031101

roleplay

6.2k words, rated E, ongoing, "Shep and Garrus in different roleplay scenarios" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3548890

and then there were three...

23.1k words, rated E, complete, "Shep and Garrus inviting Adrien Victus into their sex life (and eventually relationship)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3574465

Tantalising Turians

44.2k words, rated E, originally complete but now has more to come, "Novella Shepard hooking up with just about every named turian throughout the trilogy (porn with plot)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/3823585

get a room; this place has enough of them

19.9k words, rated E, complete, "Shep and Garrus hooking up in every single room of the apartment (courtesy of a comment made by Zaeed)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/series/4206727

GIFTS/GIVEAWAYS:

fake it till we make it

13.3k words, rated T, "Shep and Garrus never got together during the actual trilogy timeline and after the war they start pretending to date for Garrus' sake but Shep quickly realises that she may not be able to pretend for long" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/40845417

Ruthless Calculus of the Heart

19.2k words, rated T, "Garrus figuring out how to become reacquainted with this new Shep, who used to be so hardcore before she died, and is now the complete opposite.... Meanwhile, Shep is trying to un-teach everything she had taught Garrus during their first mission together. Easier said than done...." ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/42488880

my one and only (i don't want you like a best friend)

14.2k words, rated M, "Shepard and Garrus start hooking up long before the aftermath of Garrus' loyalty mission (or the suicide mission, for that matter), but they still try to be discreet and keep their newfound relationship a secret from the rest of the crew" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/44735905

Cover It Up With A Kiss

3.5k words, part 1/2 of the Never Better series, rated E, "Garrus and Shep hook up during an undercover mission, which ends up leading to more than either of them ever could've anticipated (or hoped for)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45003325

Uncover It With A Look

3.1k words, part 2/2 of the Never Better series, rated E, "Shep and Garrus have reunion sex in the main battery after Garrus reboards the Normandy after the Menae mission in me3 (six months is a lot of time to make up for)" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45204919

Legacy

3.1k words, rated T, "Shep and Garrus simply living a normal life and enjoying retirement after the reaper invasion" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45427156

The Dark Side of the Moon

8.6k words, rated M, "Garrus dealing with the grief of losing Shepard (again) and not knowing how to handle it properly until getting the idea to return to the colony she's from to help them rebuild and help him feel connected to her, but never does he expect the people he'll run into there" ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/45744922

[the-pale-goddess]

Vices & Virtues - Ethan Ramsey x MC

Dr. Ramsey's weaknesses don’t disturb his everyday life often, but when they do, a certain intern happens to always be involved.

Book: Open Heart, Intern Year (between Chapters 5 & 6)

Warnings: language, my rusty writing, a truckload of pining

Rating/Category: Teen+ / fluffy angst

Author’s note: [insert the ‘surprise, bitch’ & 'it's been 84 years' reaction GIFs]

I’m eternally grateful for the very few angels still waiting for new E&T content—this one’s for you 🫶🏻 Hope you’ll find a moment to read my word vomit and enjoy the mess (aka my writing). I appreciate every comment and like more than words can convey!

Edenbrook is indigestible on Mondays. Though Ethan Ramsey doesn’t believe in whatever ‘curse’ humankind attributed to an absolutely random day, he cannot deny the madness that usually ensues upon the beginning of each week. An inexplicable air of post-weekend malaise does tend to envelop the globe, and Boston is no lucky exception.

“Mondays suck!”

Striding across the hustly-bustly pediatric ward, Doctor Ramsey overhears an agitated boy explicitly expressing his annoyance.

Ethan’s Monday has been a doozy of a day as well, but he’d rather keep his troubles six feet under, preferably in concrete. Nevertheless, a drop of sympathy implores him to stop near the patient’s room and watch the scene unfold at a safe distance.

The child blows a raspberry at the nurse preparing him for a corridor-long wheelchair ride, clearly upset about the surgery he’s being taken to.

A heavy sigh followed by the unmistakable giggle of a certain copper-haired radiologist interrupts Ethan’s first break during today’s demanding shift.

“It’s not Monday, kid. It’s just your life.” Doctor Herbert whispers into Ethan’s ear, a large cup of raspberry tea in her hand. “But at least it’s going to be all rainbows and candy again in three weeks.”

Meanwhile, the situation has escalated quickly: a river of tears streams down the young Monday-hater's cheeks now, his concerned mother shooting pleading looks between her shuddering offspring and the strict nurse trying to efficiently finish the task so she could move on with her hectic schedule.

A pang of dejection pierces Ethan all of a sudden when a long-forgotten fragment of the past he buried flashes through his mind. Before its splinters reopen old wounds, he swiftly pushes the unwanted memory back to the unexplored depths of his psyche.

“I don’t think he’s heard you.”

“Gee, Doctor Ramsey, share some of that cheerful attitude with the rest of us!” Liz nudges his side, almost spilling her hot beverage on his foot. She mouths an apology, but his unimpressed gaze falls elsewhere.

“You wouldn’t even know what to do with it.”

“Thank God your interns still haven’t caught that grumpiness you’re suffering from.”

“No need to worry, it’s not contagious.” He gives a dismissive wave of his hand, partially to announce his departure, then continues the journey to his primary destination: the harmonious sanctuary of his private office.

As soon as the elevator door closes behind Ethan, the confined space becomes his temporary resort. He takes a deep breath, rubbing his sunken, aweary eyes to relieve the tension—an aching remnant of the sleepless night. The exhaustion begins to mess with his senses, but it’s nothing out of the ordinary; permanent fatigue has been his steadfast companion for more than a decade of his career as a doctor.

There’s a crack in that orderly, borderline clinical life of his, as big as a closed fist, and he’s slowly beginning to realize its detrimental consequences.

But none of that matters now.

What matters is that his desperate efforts to bend Naveen’s stubbornness weren’t in vain; there’s still hope—a notion Ethan isn’t exactly on board with, but he puts his trust in science, and beyond any doubt science will point him in the right direction. As long as there’s time, he’ll do whatever it takes to save his mentor, his friend. He’s confident he can do it, he’s capable of diagnosing and curing whichever mysterious illness keeps Naveen captive.

He’s the only one who can do it.

A double shot of deep roasted espresso shall help this cause. Or, at the very least, make his Monday slightly more endurable.

Loud metallic thud followed by a streak of bright fluorescent lighting annunciates the arrival. Empty, windowless corridor welcomes his nostrils with the odious mixture of staleness and antiseptic, typical of the office wing on the sixth floor. He operates on autopilot, mindlessly trudging ahead, marginally consoled by the aura of eerie quietude. Blissfully oblivious to what the so-called Manic Monday has prepared for him next.

All his rational thought and peerless logic evaporate into thin air the second his drowsy gaze zooms in on the old waiting room under renovation currently withheld by the recent budget cuts. Within its hoary walls, a familiar sylphlike figure catches his eye, unwittingly staking her claim to his undivided attention.

Ethan’s dire need of coffee has vanished as well; he’s wide awake now.

Smiling to herself, a sense of pride evident in the alluring dimples carved into her cheeks, Doctor Addams arranges a stack of papers atop a massive couch protected by thin plastic sheet.

Ethan acknowledges that he must ignore the tempest raging inside his chest, but he’s unable to focus on anything else other than the energy she exudes, luring him in like a siren’s song.

This isn’t the first time the infamous Doctor Terminator is utterly powerless in the face of her—the most intriguing mystery he’s tempted to unravel for some godforsaken, unfathomable reason.

Everything he knows about Tiffany Addams has been collateral damage from their close proximity and the isolating nature of their work. Against better judgment, Ethan has stored every single crumb of information thrown at him, like it’s a treasure guarded in the vault of his mind, acquiring new pieces and adding them to this clandestine collection.

With certainty, there’s a new element behind that glass wall, ready to be studied in secret.

As though pulled by a magnet, his feet carry him towards the room while Ethan shuffles through a myriad of excuses plausible enough to start a conversation. A good excuse, however, requires an elaborate background story, supported by a carefully planned follow-up—both of which clearly out of his reach at the moment.

Fully aware of the possible disaster awaiting inside, Ethan steps into the room quietly, leaning against the doorframe with arms crossed over his chest. A sophisticated scent of sultry vanilla wrapped with notes of luminous lavender pervades the space, handily smothering the musty odor of the old hospital furniture stored here for at least a year.

Heedless of his presence, Tiffany remains locked in her own bubble. She’s seated on the couch, browsing through a large leather bag with a lot of noise.

Long onyx locks neatly tamed in a sleek bun reveal the exquisitely sculpted contour of her features, its sharp edges so far removed from the overpowering warmth hiding in her sparkling emeralds and tenacious kindness dripping from the corners of her full mouth.

That stark contrast surely must be a part of her allure, he reckons. Not that there’s any evidence at his disposal—he’s her boss, for fuck’s sake. But the set of cardinal rules applying to the situation doesn’t stop him from looking, nor does it dilute the poison seeping from that singular contaminated thought…

Loud, treacherous voice snarls inside his mind like a beast at the gates of his sanity.

This isn’t staring, this is a comprehensive risk assessment.

Regardless of the pretext, watching her feels almost perverse, but he’s too transfixed to listen to his voice of reason hopelessly trying to redirect him to the path of impeccable propriety.

He can’t look away. Can’t move either. She'll notice him…Eventually.

Is that all he’s become? A disappointment, a fraud. One of the best diagnosticians of the generation, the esteemed Dr. Ethan Ramsey is consistently failing to do his job. His own mind appalls him—once the most treasured asset, his pride and joy, now compromised, useless, struggling to cut through the veil of his inappropriate longing.

Perhaps instead of triggering a spiral of destruction, he should address a more pressing matter: why is there a splotch of purple paint on her cheek?

Better late than never, his focus switches from Tiffany to the negligible surroundings. On her left, spread across the polythene-covered couch, lie a couple of ridiculously abstract drawings, colorful and confusing, each of them made with the skill and precision equal to a six-year-old if he has to guess.

Suddenly, it all clicks.

Along with his tongue.

The short clack doesn’t make her flinch, though she straightens immediately, a glimmer of surprise shining in her riveting eyes when she looks up at the intruder and deems him worthy of a smile. Her lush, rosy lips curl up generously, greeting him with a beam so dazzling his body heats up like bare skin kissed by the blazing midday sun in the middle of summer.

The older doctor doesn’t return the cordial gesture—he has a reputation to uphold and his bruised dignity to save. He quickly takes refuge in the shadow of his perfect decorum, dexterously covering the unjustifiable act of treason committed by his very own carnality.

Tiffany, however, is undeterred in her mission to melt his callous indifference with the disarming sincerity of her vivacious spirit.

“Before you drop your sarcastic grenades on me: no, I have not found my true calling elsewhere. I have not been slacking up either. These aren’t even mine, so insulting someone else’s artistic skills would be totally inappropriate.” Her hand waves over the drawings.

“I wouldn’t dare to insult a respected artist and credit you with their art.” He retorts flatly, then spills the aforementioned sarcasm like the Lord intended. “Early Pollock must cost a fortune or two. How come such rare artworks ended up in your possession?”

His comment inspires a peal of infectious laughter; the powerful melody of Tiffany’s unadulterated amusement conquers the room, all but obliterating the chronic sternness of Ethan’s face.

He cannot help but bask in the glory of this unexpected outcome: he’s the reason behind the glorious, velvety sound; she’s laughing because of him.

“You made a pretty solid assumption, Doctor Ramsey, but I have to disappoint you: early Pollock had an affair with surrealism and his style was way more compositional than this.” She points at the glittery mess splashed in the center of one of the pieces, not so subtly suppressing another wave of laughter.

Miss Addams and her irreplaceable wit painfully remind him of the golden rule he often pretends doesn’t concern his giant ego: do not speak on the topics your knowledge of is insufficient.

Lustrous vivid-green eyes fixed on him and the urgency he’s facing at the moment leave him no choice but to quickly shake off the embarrassment and adapt his reaction accordingly.

Reluctantly, Ethan clings to brutal honesty. “I’m not an art connoisseur, so I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

“Oh, trust me, you would.”

A smudge of amethyst retrieves the diagnostician’s attention for one split second, demanding a seamless change of topic.

“I presume you spent your lunch break on the pediatric ward again, trying to start a new art movement.”

Doctor Addams gasps theatrically and presses her slender fingers to her mouth, lowering her head slightly. “What gave me away?”

Ethan considers revealing the truth through another shot of bluntly delivered sarcasm (something he would have done in any other case), but his body betrays him, subconsciously drawing near Tiffany.

“Apart from the excited chatter on the second floor? Nothing.” He replies, straining to keep his impeccable composure just as she bites into her lower lip tantalizingly in what appears to be keen anticipation.

A few risky steps later she’s at his arm’s length, and he decides to measure that dangerously short distance; akin to an audience member of some ludicrous soap opera, the diagnostician observes his hand move towards the intern’s face in slow motion, as if that bloody limb wasn’t his and the falsely innocent intention swarming inside his incisive, virtuous mind filled him with repulsion.

Except he wants this. He needs to feel her.

Even though the mere ghost of an idea may bring his demise, he cannot break free, imprisoned by the torturous vision of her vanilla-scented skin gliding smoothly against his.

Much to his bewilderment, her breath quickens just as much as his; the evergreen forest in her eyes bursts into flames when their gazes meet, burning his hesitation down.

She wants this too.

Nothing could convince him to refrain from acting on this forbidden desire now, not a single reasonable thought seems to be charged with a cogent argument.

So he lets his thumb brush down her right cheek, down the lick of wet paint smeared across her warm skin, taking most of the dark purple off the silken canvas along the way.

The sky didn’t tear in half, there was no divine retribution exacted upon a sinner like him, no sign of punishment fit for his appalling misdeed.

“Nothing. At. All.”

Nothing but the silky smoothness of her face, rapid rise and fall of her shapely chest, and fiery heat searing through his veins…

Inevitably, the unbearable tension crackling between them dissipates in a flash when Tiffany snorts at the sight of his acrylic-stained thumb, a soundless ‘fuck’ escapes her mouth as she sprints to find a prompt solution for the paintmergency, stripping him of time to ponder on what the living hell just happened.

He takes advantage of the moment, immediately scolding himself, forcing his thoughts to flee from the crime scene concocted by his newly depraved brain.

“Must be your enviable instinct of an outstanding diagnostician then.” Cheeky as ever, she casts a playful eye over Ethan while rummaging through the drawers, summoning him to focus on her.

Within a long minute, she scuttles back to him, stretched arm offering one of the two pieces of paper towel sprayed with hand sanitizer. They use it to rub the paint off their skin. As soon as they’re done, Ethan quips back. Sort of.

“The balance between mockery and flattery is a bit too delicate to be used in a professional environment, don’t you agree, Addams?”

Unintimidated by the tricky question, Tiffany lifts her shoulder in a half shrug. “It all depends on the intelligence of the person you’re speaking with. You’re ultrawealthy in that department, so I assumed you wouldn’t mind some harmless friendly banter.”

“We’re not friends.” The speed with which he retaliates might have just sealed his fate. Deep down, he doesn’t quite believe those words himself, but there are rules to be followed unconditionally, rules that cannot be broken under any circumstances.

Dark, noble brows accentuating the breadth of her radiance crease together in sheer bewilderment. He can almost hear the scoff she’s choking back when she sees right through the cone-shaped hole in the thick wall separating them.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

“We’re getting there.” She nods vigorously, openly mocking his well-meaning mendacity with lips pursed into a thin line and narrowed eyes surveying him diligently.

„An attending befriending his intern? I can’t see that happening.”

A winning grin lights Tiffany’s features up. „It’s already happening, whether you like it or not.”

The more she pushes forward, infuriatingly so, the more he resists, fortifying his helpless defense.

„Would you be kind enough to explain why on Earth would I let it happen?”

“It’s beyond your control.” She shakes her head. „There’s nothing you can do now.”

He frowns at her, takes her fierce expression in, feigning utter disinterest in the mesmerizing spatter of freckles adorning her glowy skin.

Is the intensity of his glare too revealing? Can there be a flash of ardent curiosity swimming in his eyes and acting up against him?

„You’re awfully confident about all the wrong things, Rookie.”

She mimics the military salute, right hand raised sharply, touching her forehead, fingers and thumb extended and joined, palm facing down. „The colossal pain in your ass reporting for duty, sir.”

This display of her goofiness, derived from the smidgeon of irreverence he’s found himself covertly fond of, successfully penetrates his ruptured facade.

At last, Doctor Terminator’s perpetually grim face blooms with an ear-to-ear smile, so wide and genuine that Tiffany blinks once, twice, most probably questioning whether the exceptionally unusual scene in front of her is real.

The way she gapes at his mouth almost drills a hole in him—she’s that awestruck, like a pious believer who stumbled upon irrefutable evidence confirming the foundation of her faith.

“You should smile more. You…” Her plush lips part when she trails off, then sucks in a breath, as if to stop the profanation of their professional relationship jumping on the tip of her tongue from slipping out recklessly.

She wants this too.

“It suits you.”

Ethan’s cheeks erupt with disgraceful heat, resembling an awkward teenager attracting his crush’s attention for the very first time—the feeling almost as mortifying and inexcusable as the unprecedented lack of any snarky response.

As if the worst was yet to come, Tiffany keeps on staring at him with such exhilarating wonder and sureness he doesn’t quite know how to proceed with such abundance of emotion meddling with his stoic approach.

She wants this too.

For a fleeting moment, the abyss of his solitude shrinks significantly, purple paint filling the crack on the illusory contentment with the life he’s chosen, just as her piercing gaze invites him further into the impossible fantasy.

Then, a jolt of sobering guilt runs along his spine in a rude awakening, at the same time when Tiffany realizes the gravity of her daring statement and its perilous implications.

“I, erm…”

“Uhm, my…”

Ethan smashes the uncharacteristic uneasiness descending on them, a benign half-smile and barely perceptible nod encourage her to continue. “Go on.”

Her gaze flickers towards the hall, a tinge of crimson reddening freckled porcelain. “My break is almost over. I should head back to the ER.”

Hell must have frozen over: his fearless protégée, strong-willed and sharp-tongued at all times, befuddles him with this uncommonly demure armor plate she has put on. The most challenging obstacles and cases fail to break her down, stress and pressure never threaten her admirable strength, and yet there she is—bleeding from her own sword.

This supremely fascinating token of hidden vulnerability sheds new light on the beguiling collection of contradictions making her whole.

He examines the younger doctor pacing around the room as she gathers her belongings up, stuffing her capacious bag with them. Half-way, she spins to address him directly and points at her cheek.

“Am I…Still…?”

“No, you’re alright. The paint is gone.”

“Splendid.”

As she goes forward, assembling her patients’ drawings into a neat pile, and—rather intentionally—ignoring Ethan, he readjusts his tie and dives headfirst into the pool of her discomfort.

“Addams?”

“Hm?”

“You don’t have to dedicate such a vast portion of your free time to helping others.”

She freezes, visibly offended, but still intent on avoiding his gaze. “I know. I want to.”

“What I meant...Is that you need to add yourself to the equation, Tiffany.”

“I’m doing just fine, thank you.” She scoffs, the barely noticeable defensive undertone reverberating in her firm answer not entirely convincing for the diagnostics virtuoso.

His evaluation is disrupted by the abominably loud beeping of Tiffany’s pager. Their eyes finally clash for a brief shootout with no winner before she shuts the damn thing up.

“Well then. See you later, Doctor Ramsey.” She blurts out hastily without giving him a second glance and turns round to rush out of the room, but stops in her tracks near the door.

Something sparks inside that brilliant mind of hers, reigniting her boldness. Dense curtain of long lashes flutters at him over her shoulder, inky-black and luxurious akin to the finest lace, the signature magnetic smile dancing on her lips again—this time infused with genuine concern. She inspects his countenance for a still moment, inch by inch, crease by crease, until her head falls to the side like she has just uncovered his biggest secret.

“Consider locking the door in your office and getting some rest.”

“Giving me advice isn’t included in your job description.” He sneers, the unnecessarily harsh huff of his disapproval concealing the alien sentiment spilling inside his chest.

Somehow it’s still not enough to antagonize her.

Her eyes bore into his audaciously; the gentleness gleaming from elusive emerald green, reminiscent of safety, offers shelter he despairingly seeks, but cannot take. “But it’s nice to have someone watching out for you, isn’t it?”

Somehow they might have more in common than one would think.

Careful not to expose the motley collection of feelings stirring his blood, Ethan draws in a long breath and slips his hands into the pockets of pristine white coat, perfecting his posture, with tense body standing even taller, as though to appear completely unaffected by her undeniable appeal, more unrelenting.

He’s been looked at countless times, yes, but this must be the first instance where he feels truly seen.

It is indeed nice.

The attending doesn’t say a word, for he would have to agree with the intern. She smirks triumphantly, accepting the tacit disbelief etched on his face as conclusive proof of her diagnosis.

Instead of claiming victory through verbal manifestation of her sass, Doctor Addams attacks him using a different weapon: a provocative wink. “Just think about it.”

With a graceful twirl indicating goodbye, his Rookie struts out, leaving a dizzying mist of her divine scent behind.

Wasting no time, Ethan scoots to the exact place where she stood prior to this moment, soaking up the delicious cloud of fragrance, unable to resist sniffing the air like some sort of disgustingly pathetic creep.

Thankfully, there are no witnesses to this particularly revolting descent into madness.

No witnesses to the beginning of his fall.

Mind over heart has never sounded more delusional than now, that his hard-won empire of spotless reason stands on the verge of crumbling. But he’s not giving up—he can’t give up. There’s too much at stake.

Beyond dispute, Ethan Ramsey is not an easy man to defeat. The King of Quiet Desperation wears his broken crown with arrogance, each burnished gem representing his sins, though the ultimate one hasn’t brought him down yet.

Having put the mask of nonchalance back on, Doctor Ramsey turns off the lights and stomps into the empty corridor—his hand still carrying the heavenly softness of Tiffany’s skin like a fingerprint, like a sin, shaky fingers curling at the very thought of the contact—then begins a seemingly casual stroll to his office.

He doesn’t have many vices—she is all of them.

_____

A/N2: Hope you enjoyed this bad boy ❤️ Sorry (not sorry) if it's too long and repetitive...I literally can't shut up when it comes to these two fsksjdkfjs Plus it felt really good to find my writing mojo after such a long time!

PS. If there are any typos and/or mistakes...No, there aren't lol I'm fighting COVID at the moment, so my brain's a little foggy. I had this fic sitting in my drafts and decided to just go with the flow while I'm feverish and can't see any faults sjfskfkjf I'll get back to everyone waiting for a reply when I'm more coherent. Stay safe, lovelies!

[marsbarsfrommars]

alone with you (the only heaven I'll be sent to)

star wars: the high republic | rated t | complete | 2,344 words | avar kriss/elzar mann | fluff, a little hurt/comfort

summary

She nods and simply says the only thing she has to, “I understand.” 

“I knew you would,” he responds with a certainty that makes Avar's heart seize. 

or, in a quiet moment post-chapter 53, avar finds out about elzar almost dying on grizal

read

under the cut or on ao3 for better formatting

notes

first of all, this is dedicated to the person who headcannoned that elzar has burn scars on his hands from crashing his vector on grizal. I've tried, but I can't find their post, so if anyone knows whose post I'm talking about, please comment so I can tag them here.

edit: it's the lovely @ledalausnows and you should definitely check out her posts bc she's super cool!!

also, a huge shout out to the thr fans on tumblr: if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have finished this. thank you for all your support and I hope you enjoy this <3

this is the first time in at least six years that I've actually finished one of my wips, so while I'm a little proud of this, the quality might be questionable. my perfectionism made me proof read this so many times I could probably recite it from memory so I hope this is readable and I fixed all major mistakes. anyways, I hope you enjoy this

also, english isn't my first language, so please just ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes

content warning for mentions of scars, injuries, near-death experiences and past major character death. none of this is in any way graphic but I wanted to mention it anyways

The overhead lights in Avar’s quarters are turned down to a dim glow, and it's quiet apart from the gentle hum of the ship's engines. The night cycle must have started a while ago, but neither of them had noticed; both of them were too wrapped up in each other. Now, though, they're resting. Elzar on his back in her bunk, one arm gently wrapped around her with his hand lazily caressing her waist, and Avar on her stomach, half resting on his chest, the fabric of his shirt soft under her wandering hands. 

It's nice like this—peaceful. For a moment, Avar allows herself to forget about their upcoming task, about the possible danger the future holds, and just exist in this moment with Elzar. She feels more at peace than she has in months, possibly years. She slowly runs her hand down Elzar’s arm and intertwines her fingers with his, her thumb softly brushing over the back of his hand. The motion is familiar; they've held hands more times than she can count in those weeks since she escaped the Occlusion Zone, but there's something that makes her pause. It only takes her a moment to realise that tonight is the first time since that fateful night in the garden on Starlight Beacon that they've held hands without the barrier of Elzar’s gloves between them. Elzar wearing gloves is in itself nothing out of the ordinary for a Jedi; most of them routinely wear them as part of their robes, which explains why she hasn't noticed it before. Now that she really thinks about it though, it does strike her as odd that she can't remember seeing him without gloves even once since their reunion. 

She slowly brushes her thumb over the back of Elzar’s hand again. The skin feels rougher in some spots. Avar knows the feeling of scars, enough of them are covering her own body, but she can't recall Elzar ever suffering an injury to his hands that would cause scarring this significant. She raises their intertwined hands to his chest, and sure enough, a thin web of healed fine-line and burn scars covers the back of his hand and wrist. An uneasy feeling settles in her stomach. What happened to Elzar to leave his hands scarred like this, and why wouldn't he tell me? 

Elzar, sensing the subtle change in her demeanour, chooses precisely this moment to open his eyes and look up at her. And for a moment, as silly as it may sound, she feels overwhelmed by the sheer force of her feelings for him. She had missed him for years, and sometimes, even though it's been months since their reunion, she still can't believe she doesn't have to anymore. Avar is certain he already knows what she wants to ask about, but he doesn't say anything, waiting for her to take the first step, so she does. 

“These aren't recent.” It's a remark, not a question. She knows Elzar will tell her everything without her having to ask. There are no secrets between them; nothing is left unspoken. Not anymore. The thought makes a familiar warmth bloom in her chest. 

“No.” Elzar’s voice is soft, reserved for the quiet of quarters and whispered secrets after dark. “I got them on Grizal when my Vector crashed. The healers at the Temple did their best and apparently Bacta also helped a lot, but they couldn't prevent the scars.”

Avar furrows her brow. “I didn't know you were injured on Grizal.” She feels Elzar's body tense ever so slightly underneath her, anyone else wouldn't have noticed, but him and her—and Stellan, of course—have always shared an unusually deep connection, and now they're as attuned to each other as they haven't been in years, perhaps ever. 

“It was at the end of the battle. We thought we were winning, but we didn't know there were Nameless on Grizal. I don't remember this part at all, and most of what came after is pretty blurry in my head, but Stellan later told me that he saw my Vector go straight down. I don't understand why, but I must have passed out when the Nameless appeared. My Vector caught fire when it crashed, and the cockpit bubble shattered. I wasn't wearing gloves that day, that's why the damage to my skin there was so severe. Ty pulled me out, saved my life. I don't remember anything after, but I know Stellan was with me.” 

Avar takes a moment to process all of this. When she finally speaks, her tone isn't accusatory, there may be a tinge of hurt to it though. “Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Stellan?” she asks. Before Elzar can answer, a terrible thought takes shape in her mind. “It's not that you thought I wouldn't care, is it?” 

No matter what happened, she had never and would never stop caring about Elzar and Stellan. She knows without a doubt that it's the same for them, but she and Elzar hadn't spoken for a year at that point, and her relationship with Stellan had already been strained, so what if they had started to doubt her? Avar lowers her head. She's not sure she can look him in the eyes when he answers, the possibility of what she'll see there—of what he'll see in her—too overwhelming. 

Elzar draws his hand away from her waist to gently cup her face and tilt her head up until her eyes meet his again. His gaze is earnest and there's an urgency in it—he needs her to believe what he says next. She already knows she will before he can utter a single word because she trusts him implicitly, and she knows that trust is mutual. 

“No, I never thought that, I promise.” He pauses for a second and takes a deep breath, “And I know that Stellan didn't either.” 

Avar lets out a shuddering breath and tries to quell her bubbling emotions, which threaten to spill over at his words. Even so, her voice sounds a little shaky when she asks, “Are you sure?” 

Elzar nods sincerely. “I am. Stellan wanted to comm you, but I told him not to. We argued about it, and he relented in the end.” 

The sheer relief she feels at his reassurance is dampened by one burning question, but she doesn't have to ask for him to tell her. 

“I wanted you to know, I really did, but you were halfway across the galaxy fighting the Drengir and I didn't want you to be distracted.” He briefly averts his eyes, as if he's unsure about his next sentence, before he says, “I thought if you found out, you'd want to come see me, but we both know you couldn't have, and I didn't want to make it harder on you.” 

Part of her wants to argue, wants to protest that she would have come if only she had known. But Elzar is right; she couldn't have. Still, she wishes someone had told her. But of course he wouldn't want that, she should have known. Elzar tends to view himself as selfish, but she has always known him to put the wellbeing of others, particularly hers and Stellans, above his own. 

“And later?” she prompts gently. It's certainly not a conversation either of them had expected to have tonight, and she never wants to push him, but they've spent so much time keeping things to themselves in fear of crossing a line that hardly existed in the first place, and what good did it do them? 

“As bizarre as it sounds, almost dying wasn't the worst experience I had that week.” Now it's his voice that sounds shaky. The experience has clearly affected him more than he's currently letting on, understandably so, and Avar sends a burst of warmth through the Force. 

“When I was fully healed, everything was still so chaotic after Valo and Grizal, and there was so much going on that it just didn't seem that important.” Avar hates that he thinks that way but doesn't interrupt him; there will be time for reassurance later. “I got used to the scars fairly quickly, and even though they should be a constant reminder, I hardly think about it now. And I don't wish to. I've made my peace with everything that happened and everything I did then, I truly did, but I still don't like to remember it.” 

Avar understands, of course she does. Enough bad things have happened to her in these last few years that she's made peace with, as is the Jedi way, but still doesn't like to think of. They're the same in that way. She nods and simply says the only thing she has to, “I understand.” 

“I knew you would,” he responds with a certainty that makes Avar's heart seize. 

There's a pause in their conversation then, both of them processing and coming to terms with what was and what hasn't yet been said. Avar is the one to break it when she says, “Please never do that again.” 

Elzar quirks an eyebrow, the tension caused by their conversation slowly melting away. It seems he has decided that the heavy part of their conversation is over, which Avar truly doesn't mind. “Which part? Almost dying or not telling you about it?” 

“Oh, do shut up,” Avar says, but there's no heat to it, just affectionate warmth. 

Elzar laughs softly and pulls her down for a gentle kiss. Far too soon, Avar pulls away again and cups his face with her free hand, her thumb gently stroking his cheek. This time it's her who needs him to believe her next words. Her voice is soft yet insistent when she says, “I care about you, El. I don't want you to get hurt. And if you do, I want to be by your side if it's in any way possible. And even if I can't be, I want to at least know, please.” 

Elzar nods, every trace of playfulness gone from his face and replaced by sincerity. “I know, and I promise you, the next time anything of the sort happens to me, I will tell you.” 

Avar nods as well. “Good.” 

A slow smile spreads across his face at that and the tenderness in his eyes is almost overwhelming. Avar thinks if she had a mirror, she'd surely see it reflected in her own eyes. 

Elzar turns his head and presses a gentle kiss to the inside of her wrist, and she feels the familiar warmth spread in her chest once again, chasing away the last remnants of distress. 

She leans down to press her lips to his once again, their connection in the Force glowing with love and understanding, making her feel almost giddy. 

The kiss turns heated when Avar slides the hand still cupping Elzar’s check back into his hair, her fingers tangling in the soft strands, pressing her lips to his with more urgency. Elzar responds in kind by wrapping his arm around her waist once again and pulling her as close as their current position allows. She feels butterflies in her stomach at that, like when she was seventeen and kissed him for the first time. It amazes her that time and distance haven't dulled the effect he's always had on her in the slightest, but then again, how could they? He's Elzar, after all, her Elzar. 

They don't belong to each other, of course not; there's no possessiveness to their love. But they belong with each other; side by side always. They both know it and the Force rings true with it. 

They break apart, eyes closed and foreheads still pressed together. The kiss has left both of them breathless, as kisses like this often do. Once they've recovered enough to open their eyes and ever so slightly pull away from each other, and Avar really gets to look at him again, she is hit with the realisation of just how beautiful Elzar is like this. She doesn't think there has ever been a moment where she hasn't thought of him as beautiful, but seeing him like this is something else entirely. The dim glow of the overhead lights is reflected in his dark eyes, his hair disheveled from where she ran her hands through it earlier, a soft smile gracing his lips. A sight that's reserved just for her. 

Avar's musings are interrupted when Elzar starts to speak again, his voice still sounding a little breathless. “Avar, I…,” he begins but then trails off, unable to finish his sentence. It doesn't bother Avar. She knows. 

She pulls their still-intertwined hands up to press a gentle kiss to his knuckles, then the back of his hand, then his wrist. She feels his sharp intake of breath more than hears it, and when she meets his eyes, he's gazing at her with a look in his dark eyes Avar can't quite place. Later, she will come to recognise it as pure, unfiltered devotion. 

“Stars, Avar,” he murmurs. 

Elzar seems to know exactly what she's thinking—or maybe he just shares the sentiment—because he kisses her again, his hand slipping under her shirt to gently caress the bare skin of her waist. It's an exquisite kiss, and for the moment Avar allows herself to get lost in it, in this, until the only thoughts in her head are how lovely it is to feel so at peace, and Elzar. Always, always Elzar. 

“What is it?” she asks. For a split-second, she's scared she's overstepped, but Elzar just shakes his head and leans up to brush his lips against hers in a tender kiss that ends far too quickly for her liking. If it were up to her, he'd never stop kissing her, she thinks, only slightly bothered by the fact that she sounds like a character in one of those stereotypical Jedi romance novels Kantam and her used to read to each other for fun in their Padawan days. 

[wangxianficrecs]

💙 as i stumble homewards by the_pretzel

💙 as i stumble homewards

by the_pretzel (@the-pretzel)

T, 27k, Wangxian

Part of the MXTX Mini Bang

Summary: Six years after the siege at the Burial Mounds, the Jiang Sect looks to Yiling once more as rumors of a young demonic cultivator and the restless spirit which trails behind him reach their ears. Luckily for the two in question, Hanguang-jun has heard the same rumors, and comes trailing behind. A-Yuan, in the meanwhile, is not pleased at having his life disrupted, especially by a man who has mysterious intentions towards his Xian-gege. Kay's comments: You know, I'm always here for stories where A-Yuan is a little bit (a lot) of a strange kid after his time in the Burial Mounds and in this one, he's a certified weirdo in the best way possible. Here, he doesn't get found my Lan Wangji and instead, Wei Wuxian looks for him, at least until Jiang Cheng notices him on his hunt for demonic cultivators... Ah, this story doesn't really pull any punches and I like this exploration of what could have happened to A-Yuan, it feel very true to the story. And of course, Lan Wangji discovers soon enough that A-Yuan is talking to Wei Wuxian and Wangxian can't help each other but gravitate towards each other. Excerpt: Fine, Wei Wuxian tells him, reassuringly, sounding as though he’s back in the present. I’m just fine. Don’t worry about your Xian-gege, he’s very resilient! Lan Wangji is still looking at him, so he does not react, but his stomach unclenches a little. Then-- “You are talking to someone,” Lan Wangji says, and A-Yuan’s stomach clenches right back up again. “What? No,” he hedges, too quickly. It’s a lie so bad Lan Wangji does not even deign to acknowledge it. “What is his name?” “None of your business,” A-Yuan snaps, curling his hands into fists. Lan Wangji only keeps going. “Wei Wuxian?” He rears back. It’s as good as an answer, because Lan Wangji stills, staring at him as though he is somehow surprised to have it confirmed. It doesn’t do anything to comfort A-Yuan. Uh-oh, Wei Wuxian murmurs, tone uncertain. “Come to the jingshi,” Lan Wangji says abruptly, and walks away. For lack of any better options, A-Yuan follows.

pov lan sizhui, canon-divergence, burial mounds settlement days, post-first siege of the burial mounds, canonical character death - wei wuxian, ghost wei wuxian, families of choice, food issues, trauma, fluff, angst with a happy ending, emotional hurt/comfort, demonic cultivator lan sizhui, getting together, mutual pining

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[bullet-prooflove]

Making Bail: Cyrus Lupo x Reader

Tagging: @darqchilddaydreamz @words-and-seeds @infinity-mars @tkappi

Companion piece to Under Pressure - Cyrus and you get in trouble with the local police during a work trip.

The situation goes from bad to worse the next morning when Cyrus is supposed to be arraigned. The expectation is that he’ll be released on his own recognisance, it’s clear this was beef between two different agencies. Usually the cooling off period allows both parties to calm down and rethink their priorities. You’re both after the same thing, to find out who killed William Simmons.

You’re exhausted when you get into the courtroom. You’ve barely slept all night, thinking of Cyrus’s six foot two frame stuck in one of those ridiculously small bunks. You’re fuelled by both caffeine and adrenaline when you talk to Connie and Cutter than morning in the local diner, laying out the story. The three of you barely get to the arraignment on time because the clerk gives you the run around.

The whole thing falls apart. You see Burkhart whispering to both the prosecutor and the judge’s and your heart sinks. You’d hoped they would just kick you out of town but when Burkhart smiles at you, baring his teeth, you know it’s going to be worse than that. He wants to punish you for sticking your nose into his business, for embarrassing him in front of his deputies.

Bail is set at twenty thousand dollars. Cyrus shoots you a panicked look because his finances have been all over the place since he got back to the US. He’s still supporting Tommy’s family, after his brother’s suicide, he lives pay check to pay check.

You however have a small reserve from the sale of your father’s house after he’d died. You can’t stand the thought of him spending another night on one of those lumpy cots, using his suit jacket as a blanket.

“I’ve slept in worse place than this.” He would have argued with you if you’d given him the chance.

You don’t allow him the opportunity. You post bail almost immediately because you know the intention is to keep him in over the weekend and you don’t want to think about what Burkhart has in store for him.

You’re waiting for him on the steps of the courthouse when he’s eventually released, with a coffee and a Danish. They draw the process out as long as possible, first they lose the paperwork, then it’s filled out incorrectly, it isn’t until Cutter threatens them that their ducks fall in a row.

Connie and Cutter are still inside fighting with the locals over material witness warrant when the two of you sit down alongside each other on a bench outside. Cyrus practically inhales the pastry before chasing it down with the entire cup of lukewarm coffee. You can tell he hasn’t eaten since the diner yesterday.

“Thank you.” He says as his arm coming to rest upon the back of the bench. It’s the closet he can get to touching you without giving away your relationship. “I know you paid the bail.”

“You saved me from small town jail.” You remind him as he leans forward. His elbows come to rest upon his knees as he rubs his palms together grimly.

“It would have been worse for you.” Cyrus tells you, shaking his head. “Burkhart would have made sure of it, I couldn’t let that happen.”

He dips his head, his fingers running through his unruly hair before he tilts his head to look at you. You resist the urge to brush those curls off his forehead, pressing your hands between your knees instead.

“I know, we haven’t been together that long…”

“This time around.” You remind him and he gives you that smile, the one that makes your heart beat just a little faster in your chest.

“I just want you to know I appreciate what you did.” He tells you, squinting just a little against the sun. “And to assure you that I won’t be skipping bail.”

You tip back your head and laugh. There’s a relief in the act, you feel the heaviness you’ve been carrying since he was arrested slip away as the sound carries throughout the street.

“You’re still protecting me after all this time,” You say finally, nudging his shoulder gently with yours.

“Yea.” Cyrus says simply, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s my job.”

Love Lupo? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[annakie]

Fixing The House Chapter 5: Power Down

Part One: I Do Not, In Fact, Have the Power

Part Two: Let’s Spend Lots of Money!

Part Three: All These Things That I’ve Done

Part Four: I Really Want to Stay At My House

A little interlude.

Part Five: Power Down (YOU ARE HERE)

Part Six: You Will Leave Some Paint

Part Seven: Backwards to go Forwards

Part Eight: Master of Bathrooms

Part Nine: Within a Room, Somewhere

Part Ten: Rooms With No View

Part Eleven: Big Bang Room Part A and also Part B!

Part Twelve: We Can Make It On the Outside

Part Thirteen: Mauve Haze Symphony

Part Fourteen (A) - In the Kitchen

---

It's been many weeks.

And like I said recently, so much has happened.

Not a lot happened in the first week after my previous update.

And then EVERYTHING happened.

There's not much of a point in trying to do a timeline at this point or talk about what's happened in order.

At this point I've settled on, instead, after this, going room by room. Maybe each room gets a separate post.

The thing is, no room is done yet. Several are CLOSE, but every room has some details to go where I wouldn't want to start in on talking about it until it's done, you know?

But there is a story of how all this started with a small thing and turned into a near full remodel that I can start in on, first.

I dunno, let's see how I do. I've got an hour to type right now.

Let's start with an update on Laundry Mountain

Part One: Put it Away Now

Like I said in the last update, I'd done a lot about Laundry Mountain. I got the clothes in the house into a state of semi-put away. But honestly there's stuff that there still just isn't room for and I still have had zero time / energy to deal with. Basically all my tanktops and t-shirts that currently fit are just... on the guest room bed. There's also, like I said before, like a tub full of t-shirts that are currently too small and a kind of misc laundry hamper still.

I'd posted back then that sheets and blankets were next. For a little while they were all in their own new Mountain, but eventually I pulled out all the sheets/pillowcases/towels and brought them inside. I then threw away a couple of gross blankets and folded up the rest. As a part of cleaning up the garage I'd bought two wire storage racks and got most of the stuff still just on the floor of the garage onto the racks, with half of one of the racks dedicated to old towels and all the blankets. It's not perfect, but it's much better. And there is still at least 1/3rd of the work left to do in the garage. But it was still around 100 every day when this was happening and I couldn't do much more in there until it cooled off, I determined.

I pulled everything out of the linen closet, and I spent a day sorting through the many sheet sets I had, honestly just a stupid amount. I sorted out the ones I didn't want anymore due to no longer liking the color, or they were too low quality to want to sleep on, or just more or less rags at that point, and some were just like, the sheets I slept on IN COLLEGE 30 YEARS AGO, and bagged them up. The rest I put in the linen closet. For the most part. There's one more tub with like, bedskirts and mattress pads I need to figure out what to do with.

In the end, though. I ended up with a garage with a pretty good chunk of actually usable space, whereas before, there was literally none.

That would come in very, very handy in the near future, in ways I hadn't anticipated.

So yeah, there's still A Problem in the guest bedrom, but I think once all the big HOUSE things are done, I'll have time to do an actual sort of clothes better than I have. I really need to put thought into things like... do I NEED so many work clothes anymore? I have been WFH since March, 2020. My current job is literally never going to be regularly going into the office, we don't even have enough office space for that to be a reality and no one, not even the bosses, want to go into the office regularly. And my direct boss is in New Jersey.

I honestly at this point hope to be with this company until I retire, which isn't that far off, but still at least 10 years. But yeah, I especially need to do a hard sort on work clothes and dresses.

The other thing I've sort of hinted at is that some of the problem should be working itself out because I am shrinking out of clothes bit by bit every day. I've lost a fairly significant amount of weight this year and am nowhere near done losing yet. I'm just still not ready to post about that. Again, maybe after all the home stuff is done. But there's already clothes that I was wearing regularly that now are just ridiculous on me, though not as many as I'd like. In six more months I think there will be no need for at least a third of the clothes I have now. So part of me is just waiting for that to work itself out, I think.

Power is Power

So, on Saturday, August 10th, phase two of the big house project started.

Originally, it was just going to be getting the power done. That was it. Arturo was coming to rewire the house and put in a few more lights and outlets, move the fusebox outside... Boom. Done. Important, my house wouldn't burn down, and that would be the extent of the remodel.

I did, of course, have things I wanted to do. I talked last post about wanting to pretty up the new patio. The ceiling got put on and I needed to paint the ceiling, and thought about painting the concrete, too. Things that would be a little difficult but doable for me.

When Arturo came to start talking about the rewire, I asked about when the ceiling fan could go up, since the ceiling was on, because I needed to paint the patio ceiling before he did.

"My guys can do that," Arturo said. "We can get it done the same day as doing the electricity."

"Oh, that'd be nice. How much?" I asked. He told me a price, including the paint, I thought as totally reasonable. I asked him if they could also paint the garage door so I didn't have to do that AND I had alreay bought the paint. Sure, he said. A little more for labor. I asked about painting the patio concrete. Sure, he said. Would have to be done on a different day, but they could do that.

Oh, ok neat.

Arturo also mentioned that my fence poles didn't have caps on them, and he kind of warned me that he'd had the guy who built my fence, Jose, work for him for a couple of days and didn't really like his quality of work, not getting fence caps seemed to show that, as well. So Arturo said how much getting fence caps would be and held be happy to install them.

Oh, ok, great. I also pointed out a few other bits of work that I'd been dissatisfied with in the end with Jose's work. In the end I didn't fight with him about it because I figured he'd done his best and didn't think he could fix it to my satisfaction. I was planning on finding someone else to fix those bits. No problem, Arturo said. His guys could fix that and he'd make sure it looked great.

Hmmmm... Okay? Sure! Just a little bit more money, totally reasonable amount.

While we were pointing out a couple of other things about the electric work, Arturo pointed out a few other minor things and was like "I'll fix that, too." Some of the things he was like Naaaah, no extra charge.

I really, really liked Arturo. After being a single female homeowner for 21 years I've developed a fine sense for who is bullshitting me, and I didn't get any bad vibe from Arturo at all.

So I decided to take a leap of faith and showed Arturo my biggest shame in the house -- the bathrooms.

We'll get to the reasons why in another post, but I showed him the horror that is my bathtubs and exactly what I knew was wrong with them, and warned him that it could be worse. I told him I would want a completely new tub for the hall and a complete replacement for the master, including tiles and plumbing in both.

Holding my breath for another 10 - 15k quote like I'd been given a few times before, I asked him how much he wanted.

Um... he wanted much less than that. A reasonable amount. I confirmed all the things I wanted, and he was like "Yeah, no problem. About this much."

Fuck... I could take a little more out of savings and do that. I really could, I could end the fucking nightmare that is the shower/tub in both my bathrooms.

I decided to do it. Okay but that's all I could do, okay? Sure. Got it.

Electricity Makeover Day 1

So yeah, August 10th I woke up early, got the cats into the guest bedroom, threw all the clothes out of one half of my closet where the fusebox was, loaded the guest bedroom up with all the comforts I wanted, shut down my computer, and before 8am Arturo and his crew were there to do the rewiring.

I spent most of the day in the guest room, just staying out of the way. Arturo would pop in and ask questions or give me updates, but I had my laptop, Steam Deck, bluetooth speaker... I was good.

Arturo cut power to only the section of the house they were working on and kept the AC on as long as possible. I had power most of the day.

They decided to work late, really late. Technically I was supposed to go to my buddy Marcus' for TTRPG (13th Age). It was the capstone night for the entire adventure, and I had to not be there in person. Instead, I called in with my laptop and gamed that way. It wasn't the best, but it worked.

Mid-afternoon it was time to cut power to the AC, all of the house really. I got ready. I had my hotspot from work and my backup emergency battery, so no problem. Should just be for an hour or two.

Well, it was a lot longer than that, it turned out. All power was out through the entire hottest part of the day. For a couple of hours it stayed decent in the guest room with the door closed and a blanket over the window, but after awhile I had to open the window.

Wasn't a fun time, while trying to also play 13th Age remotely with my friends, and I was more distracted than I would have liked... but... eventually... power came back on right around the time it was getting dark. Arturo stayed awhile longer making sure things would be ready for work to resume Monday. No work on Sundays.

Only about half the rooms had electricity at all, but the office, living room, and kitchen did, and that was enough.

Electricity Makeover Sunday & Day 2: No AC Bugaloo

So here's a pic from early on that first day...

That's the hallway. That's the insulation from my attic all over the hallway, and that is a giant hole in my hallway ceiling that they needed to make to use for easy access into the attic. There's also an access in the garage but for Reasons, it was a lot harder to use for their purposes and they needed to make an access in the hallway.

What neither I or Arturo thought of before he left that night was the need to cover that giant hole.

It took quite awhile for the house to start to cool off again and only too late did I think Hmmm... the AC might get overworked because maybe the house cannot completely cool off with a giant hole in the ceiling.

See that door on the left with the green handle? That is the access to the furnace. I realized sometime Sunday afternoon that I didn't think the AC had shut of at all since coming back on. Uh oh. That's usually bad news for me.

I went over there and realized that the floor was wet. that usually meant the AC was freezing up. So I turned it off, replaced the filter, even though it didn't really need it, and for the rest of the day would only turn it on it short bursts to keep the house tolerable.

The state of the laminate only got worse. It'd been slowly soaking for hours before I really noticed it, and the towels I put down didn't help much.

Still, I set it to 80, stuffed towels around it, and left it on when I went to sleep.

In the morning it was clear I had to shut it off for good that day. I called my AC guy and he said I had to let it completely unfreeze, he'd be there first thing tomorrow.

So yeah, I worked my job that Monday and the electric crew worked the house with no AC. It wasn't great.

Near the end of the day they had to turn all the power off again, so I clocked out early and hung out on the patio until they were done. Honestly it may have been at this point when Arturo and i discussed the bathrooms.

That night, after they left, I sat in my 100 degree house. It was miserable. I considered looking for the nearest pet friendly hotel, but decided on another course of action instead.

I went to Lowe's and bought a portable air conditioner. Even the smallest one they had was over $300.

I got it home and tried setting it up in the master bedroom but it turns out the new power outlet installed in the bathroom was turned off. I only found this out AFTER I'd gotten it all set up and the vent taped into the window.

NGL, that was a real, real low moment and I had about a 5 minute breakdown before I dragged myself out of it, and realized that although I couldn't use it in the Guest bedroom, as it still had no power at this point, I could, instead, install it in the Living Room, which is the smallest bedroom of the house.

I had to move some furniture and it was a pain in the ass to set up, but in the end, I did it.

I was supposed to run my Monday Night PF2e game, but ended up having no internet, the outlet I needed to be on for that as still switched off, which I hadn't noticed when Arturo had left that day. (But he did cover up the Hall Attic Hole with plastic before he left!)

I sat with a fan pointed at me and instead of playing we talked as a group about the next steps we would take -- ending the Beginner's Box for PF2e and starting Season of Ghosts, the second campaign I'd be running in that module since I didn't have time to learn and run a 3rd module. It turned into a pretty good session anyway.

By the time that was done, the living room had cooled down a bit. I nailed some blankets over the room door, and slept on my couch. The door was cracked just enough for the cats to get in and out, but they spent most of the night in there with me since it was the only cool place in the house.

It wasn't the best, but it could have been worse.

Electricity Makeover Day 3: Return of the AC

The next day I... just camped out in the living room. Brought my work laptop in there and worked from the couch. At that point, I'd decided the $300 for the portable AC was well worth it.

Arturo and the guys were showing up at noon that day and Joe, my AC guy, arrived earlier. After looking at the AC he realized it was working fine -- the problem was that the drain was stopped up. Probably some debris had fallen into the drain between getting the roof done and the electricity done. He thought I was going to have to call a plumber but instead used some attachment on my outside hose and was able to pressure-push whatever was stuck in there through.

So he just did normal service on the AC after that, which I was very late calling him for anyway, just charged me for that, and voila, my AC was back on and haven't had a problem with it since.

Even though it was on it was still almost 100 that day and the guys left the doors open so the house itself wasn't cool, but the cats and I were just fine and in the mid-70's in the living room. I felt a little bad for staying cool while everyone else was suffering, but I mean, it was my house. They were in and out and in and out so much that they'd been leaving the doors open most of the time.

And for good reason with the back door to the patio... but that's a part of the Master Bedroom story.

By the time Arturo and the guys left that night, it was starting to cool off, but I slept in the living room with the portable going again anyway. It would actually shut off and turn back on on its own, though, as the temperature actually got cool enough, which was nice.

That was the last night of discomfort, I moved back into the guest room after that. My actual master bedroom had just a ton of stuff piled up on and in it. The guest room was out of the way, and for the next three weeks, it was my main domain, and still is for the cats, during the day when there's workers in the house at least.

Neither of them would run out and run away, I don't think. I just feel a lot better with them locked away, and they've found a comfortable, dark and secluded space in the closet behind some boxes.

So yeah, it took about three full days for the main parts of the electrical work to get done.

As I start to go through room by room at some point soon, I'll point out all the work that was done both electrical and otherwise in each room, and how the electric work influenced what was to come, but it was kind of the base for everything else to come.

I'll leave this with one more picture -- where the "old" fusebox had been. Took this pic in the near pitch-blackness on Saturday night after everyone had left and my game was over. Only a couple of rooms had working electricity that night, and everything was extra creepy. Seeing this coming out of the wall didn't help.

Future updates will have lots more pictures and will be more results focused. But that was the first few days of the second part of the home renovation saga.

[megamindsecretlair]

It's a Little Warm, Part 2

Cross posted on @megamindssecretlair

Pairing: Bucky x Black!Fem!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. You are in charge of your own reading experience. There is some kissing, unresolved tension! Mentions of private parts but really mild. Cursing. Mild age gap. Reader is late 20s and Bucky is mid 30s. Soft Bucky. Mild hurt/comfort. FLUFF. Part 2 of 5. Slow burn to smut though. Some sentences are intentional AAVE.

Summary: Sam Wilson is your play uncle and has invited you and Bucky to stay at a cabin with him, Sarah, and the kids. You enjoy a round of three-legged racing and football, trying to beat the heat.

Word Count: 3,365k

A/N: Ack, this was cute to write. Not beta'd or barely proof-read. Any mistakes are mine. If you enjoyed it, please let me know! While likes are awesome, please consider reblogging and commenting to support writers!

Read Part 1 | Read Part 3 | Read Part 4 | Read Part 5

“Okay, I think we’re going to start with the three-legged race,” Uncle Sam said. He squatted with a hat on the ground that had little scraps of paper that he wrote different games on. He held two pieces in his hand and studied each one as if he were deciding the fate of the universe.

“Any day now,” Bucky said and smirked. 

Your stomach flipped. So far, you two remained cordial. No one would have suspected that you kissed him just that morning. You twisted your lips. The hell were you thinking? You knew better. He was a friggin’ Avenger. What did you think was going to happen? 

“Man, shut up,” Uncle Sam but his smirk matched Bucky’s. 

Aunt Sarah’s sons, AJ and Cass, ran around the small group chasing each other. You absently watched as they accidentally bumped into Bucky and murmured their apologies. Bucky smiled and waved them off. 

He was sinfully dressed in another pair of jeans and boots and a black T-shirt. The oppressive heat of the early day had nothing on the heat that suffused you looking at the man. His stubble was growing even more and thanks to your wandering hands, you knew exactly how prickly he was.

Bucky licked his lips as he caught you staring. You offered him a soft smile and looked away. You wouldn’t pretend he wasn’t hot. But you got his message loud and clear. Paws off. 

“Okay, three-legged race it is followed by some old-fashioned football. First to six wins so we beat some of the sun,” Uncle Sam said.

Aunt Sarah threw up her hands. “About time,” she said and shook her head. 

“And he calls me old and slow,” Bucky said. 

“Okay, enough of all that. So, to make it even, kinfolk, you’re with Bucky ‘cause you’re short as hell and it’ll put him at a disadvantage. Sarah, you take the baby, ya’ll are the same height. I’ll take Cass because he’s my roadie,” Uncle Sam said, pointing at everyone as he spoke their name.

Immediately, you and Aunt Sarah objected to his short jokes and his reasoning. “Why don’t you take the baby, Captain Birdman?” You asked, folding your arms across your chest. Perhaps your romper was the wrong choice today.

You thought you were being cute by wearing an olive green romper. You weren’t trying to rub your goodies in Bucky’s face, it was just that fucking hot. If you so happened to look irresistible, well, that was the Lord blessing you. 

But you thought about crashing and burning all over the neat grass and pinched your lips. You would either get a bad burn, or grass stains all over your outfit. 

“Because pipsqueaks gotta stick together,” Uncle Sam said and laughed at his own joke. 

“I’m not a pipsqueak!” AJ yelled and pushed Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam pretended to fall over and held up his hands as if AJ was the stronger one. “Okay, okay, mercy!” 

“Why don’t the girls stick together, you take the baby, and Bucky gets Cass?” You asked.

“Now kinfolk, I know you’re not suggesting that we play by arbitrary gender norms and stereotypes,” Uncle Sam said. 

“Oh please. What, did you look up those words today?” You asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got a word-of-the-day calendar. It’s neat,” Uncle Sam countered.

“I don’t see why I don’t get Bucky, ya’ll team together, and the boys team up together,” Aunt Sarah said with a wink in your direction. Uncle Sam missed it as he frowned. 

“Absolutely not!” He said.

Aunt Sarah smirked and crossed her arms. “It’s either me or her,” Aunt Sarah said.

“Why can’t we team with Mr. Bucky?” AJ asked.

“It’s just Bucky,” Bucky said.

Uncle Sam got on his knee to look AJ in the eyes. “The name of the game is winning at all costs. We gotta play to our strengths. Teaming with Bucky would make you uneven and he’d have to carry you, and that’s cheating. But, pairing you with your mom is perfect,” he explained.

“Do not teach him that!” Aunt Sarah said and laughed. 

“How about you team with AJ, Sarah and Cass, and me and Y/N?” Bucky offered.

Before Uncle Sam could say something, you shook your head. “I still say my configuration was better. Or Aunt Sarah’s,” you said.

Bucky frowned at you but you refused to look at him. Aunt Sarah tilted her head at you as if you were crazy. You smiled at her, pretending not to notice her expression. 

Uncle Sam laughed, ever the clueless idiot. “The sun is only getting hotter, so how about this: I’m going to write some numbers on paper and we all pick. Whoever you get is whoever you get,” he said.

“Even if I’m matched with Bucky?” Aunt Sarah asked.

Uncle Sam scowled but ultimately nodded. “You better not, is all I’m sayin’,” he mumbled. He jogged to the patio table where he plucked the journal and pen off of it. He wrote quickly and tore up the pieces. He returned and dumped the hat that had the games on it. He placed the new pieces of paper in it and mixed them up.

He motioned for everyone to pick and you prayed and prayed. Each person revealed their numbers. Aunt Sarah and Cass matched, Sam got AJ, which left you with…Bucky. You frowned as you stared at your number.

“That’s what I said!” Bucky said. Uncle Sam mumbled about a waste of time and being hot as hell as he put away the slips of paper, hat, and journal. 

Bucky bumped his shoulder against yours. “Guess you’re stuck with me,” he said.

You felt your lips move but you weren’t convinced you were smiling. Bucky frowned but you were spared from any questions as Uncle Sam came around with ribbons.

“And don’t your old ass cheat neither!” Uncle Sam said.

“Thought didn’t even cross my mind,” Bucky said innocently. He snatched the ribbon out of Uncle Sam’s hands before you could.

He knelt down and wrapped the ribbon around his leg and then around yours. He tugged a little too hard and you were forced to lean against him, using his shoulders to catch your fall. He looked up at you and your heart beat so fast, you knew he had to hear it.

His eyes were so clear and blue, it was like looking into the ocean. He smirked and as he tied the ribbon, he slowly massaged your calf. You bit your lip to keep from moaning. All he was doing was rubbing it and he already had you ready to make embarrassing noises.

He placed a kiss on your thigh, not breaking eye contact. You gasped as he slowly stood up. He was too tall, way too tall for you. For a brief moment, you panicked. What the hell kind of game was he playing? He kisses you one minute, throws you out the next, and then plays these games? 

“Put your arm around me,” he commanded softly. You already had your hand moving up to circle his waist before your mind caught up to you. You scowled at him. 

He slid his fingers across your shoulders and lightly played with your nape as Uncle Sam explained the rules. You didn’t hear a fucking word. Bucky’s fingers were like magic, easing a mild headache. 

You sighed as he worked his fingers and your mind drifted, imagining he was doing that in bed. 

You worked in perfect sync, stepping together. You giggled as you watched Aunt Sarah in the lead, ahead of Uncle Sam. You didn’t care if you won, you just wanted Captain Superman to lose. No, that’s not it. Captain Planet. You snickered as you raced to the finish line. 

“Go!” Uncle Sam called out. The three pairs took off half stumbling, half wiggling as you tried to get to the treeline. Bucky, being superhuman, did most of the work for you even with holding back. His grip was tight around you and you clung to his shirt trying to keep up.

“What’s so funny?” Bucky asked.

You shook your head as you laughed harder. You imagined Uncle Sam in blue paint, green hair, and spandex. 

Aunt Sarah got to the tree first, followed by you, and then Uncle Sam. Aunt Sarah gloated and rubbed it in Uncle Sam’s face. He took the jokes in stride, sweat gathering on his head.

“Yeah, alright. We’ll see how tough you are when we get into this game. Pipsqueak, come help me set up the goals,” he said. He untied him and AJ, the latter playfully hitting his side for calling him pipsqueak. 

“Come on, let’s get water for everyone,” Aunt Sarah said to Cass. She freed them as Bucky bent down to untie you.

“I’ll help!” You shouted. You winced at your tone. Aunt Sarah widened her eyes and nodded to Bucky. You mouthed “no”. Aunt Sarah mouthed, “why not?” 

Bucky nipped your leg under pretense of having trouble with the knot he tied. You yelped and looked down at him. The smug bastard.

“Me and Cass, got it,” Aunt Sarah announced and scurried away before you could object more.

Bucky finally stood up and pulled you by your romper until you were closer to the tree. “I’m not a child,” you said and slapped his hand away.

“You’re acting like one,” he said.

“Excuse me?” You asked.

Bucky rubbed his chin and stretched out his neck. “What’s going on with you? You barely said anything to me today. And what was that thing earlier?” 

You bit the inside of your cheek. You took a few deep breaths. “I’m just following your lead.”

Bucky scrunched up his face in the most adorable way. He tilted his head like a puppy and you fought the urge to scratch his head like one. You crossed your arms. Stupid, traitorous thoughts.

He licked his lips and looked down his nose at you. You silently sighed. You were so feral for this man, it wasn’t fair. In a minute, you’d have to go inside to change your panties. 

“What lead, Y/N?” He asked.

“You…this morning,” you waved your hands. Did you really have to spell it out? He crossed his arms and waited for an answer.

“I threw myself at you and you told me to go upstairs. I thought…I mean, we’ve only known each other a day. I get it,” you said.

“You didn’t throw yourself at me. I kissed you back, remember?” He asked.

“Then why’d you make me go upstairs?” You asked.

“Did you really want to start screaming where everyone could hear you? Had we kept going, I would’ve bent you over the table,” he said.

You stared at him, your mouth slightly agape. The image flashed through your mind. You pictured him sliding up your shirt, shoving your panties aside, whipping out his dick over the waistband of his pants before sliding into you. With his strength, he would’ve gripped your thighs with the pressure you like. As if he were holding on for dear life.

You shook your head and cleared your throat. “Don’t…” you started, but don’t what?

Say things like that? Give you hope? You had tossed and turned all night reliving the kiss, the feel of his hands on you, and his stubble against your face. You imagined that he was sleeping like a baby across the hall, not concerned that he put you in knots.

“I ran through every single excuse not to run upstairs after you,” he said.

“Okay, let’s hear them then,” you said.

Bucky smirked. “Now?” He asked.

You looked to the side to watch Uncle Sam setting up posts with AJ. He had two set up and was working on the third. Aunt Sarah was by the cooler, picking out two water bottles and making Cass drink one.

“Uncle Sam’s gonna be done any minute now,” you said.

Bucky smiled and shook his head. He stepped closer to you. “You’re Sam’s niece,” he said.

“Play-niece. We’re not blood related,” you corrected.

“He’ll kill me,” he said.

“Captain Save-a-Ho wouldn’t hurt a fly,” you said.

“You’re younger than me,” he said. He sighed and he looked so weary.

“By a couple of years, big deal. We’re adults.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“No, I’m really older than you,” he said.

You stepped closer to him. “You were frozen for some of that. And I don’t see any wrinkles or…too much gray hair,” you said. You got on your tip-toes, pretending to look for gray hairs. 

“Smart ass. I’m old fashioned,” he said.

“I’ve got an old soul,” you countered.

He shook his head and squinted at you. “You’re not making this easy,” he said.

“You’re the one who started kissing my thigh!” 

You moved to push him away but he captured your hand and held it against his chest. “I don’t like when you ignore me,” he said softly.

“I didn’t ignore you,” you said. “I gave you an out. We can just stay friends.” 

“We could. But I’m pretty sure the thoughts I have with you in that outfit are not friendly,” he said.

You blinked up at him. This was so far from what you imagined today to be like. You swore he would ignore you, treat you like glass, or worse…start treating you like Sam’s kid sister. Completely untouchable and unfuckable. Your heart raced as he stared you down. You could almost see those unholy thoughts.

He had you at a loss. Because you were mirroring those same nasty thoughts. 

“Who’s ready to get spanked at football!” Uncle Sam called.

You bit your lip as you looked at Bucky. You leaned up and kissed him before licking his nose. “Come get spanked,” you said before moving out from under the tree.

Got damn, how was it so hot this early? You fanned yourself as you crossed the backyard. “You’re the one who’s gonna get a cherry red ass if you keep playing with me,” he said. He kept walking as you stopped and gaped at him.

Your pussy throbbed imagining bending over his knee as he spanked you. The heat seemed to double as you stood there.

“Come on, kinfolk!” Uncle Sam called to you.

You joined everyone else and Aunt Sarah hip bumped you. As Uncle Sam passed out the slips of paper, Cass passed you a water bottle. You held it to your head. You snuck a glance at Bucky. He smirked as he lifted the bottle and nearly drained it in one gulp. His Adam's apple bobbed as he did so and you pictured licking his neck.

“Saw that,” Aunt Sarah sang. You cleared your throat and looked at her. “You’re not as slick as you think you are,” you said.

Aunt Sarah laughed. “I’m just helping you both out. You’re both so clueless, it’s actually painful to watch,” she said.

“Shut up,” you said and laughed, drinking your own bottle. You could do something obscene with it, but there were children present.

You picked your numbers again. You were on a team with Aunt Sarah and Cass. Uncle Sam, Bucky, and AJ were on a team. 

As the sun started to bare down, you all agreed to keep teasing to a minimum as you set up for playing. Without fail, Bucky ended up guarding you whenever you had the ball. His competitive ass wouldn’t let you get around him. 

Cass snuck up behind him and grabbed him, telling you to go. You ran and ran to the goal line and scored. Your team celebrated as Bucky pretended to fuss.

You set up against each other again. Uncle Sam hiked the ball to AJ and Bucky picked him up and ran with him to the goal post. “That’s cheating!” You and Aunt Sarah called out.

“Is it? He got the ball across, looks fair to me,” Uncle Sam shrugged.

You had the ball on the next play. You faked Bucky out, making him stumble. You ran for the goal line. You saw it in front of you and started to get giddy. You actually did it!

Until, you were plucked off the ground, spun, and then knocked gently to the ground with Bucky cushioning your fall. 

“Oh, that’s so not fair,” you laughed. 

Bucky held your hips and smiled at you. “Oh, you have no idea how unfair I can get,” he said.

You slapped his shoulder before standing up too fast. The world tilted as your eyes rolled and your head grew fuzzy.

“Y/N?” Bucky caught you in his arms. You held just enough strength to keep from slipping on your ass in front of everyone.

Soon, everyone crowded around you asking questions. “I’m fine,” you panted.

You waved them away and tried to get out of Bucky’s arms. But he tightened his hold. 

“It’s low iron. I promise, I’m fine,” you said. Bucky cupped your cheek and moved your head side to side gently. “Are you sure?” 

“This is so embarrassing. I promise I’m fine,” you said. 

“Where’s your pills? When did you last take one?” Uncle Sam demanded.

“I’m fine, Dad,” you said. You apologized to the kids for ruining their day.

“Get in the shade and cool off. You’re in the lead anyway,” he said and waved his hand.

You were about to protest when Bucky scooped you into his arms and started walking towards the house.

“Put me down!” You shrieked. You held on to his neck and he walked you into the house, without so much as a grunt. You were too far off the ground. What if you fell? What if he fell? What if he decided you were too heavy and let you fall?

Once inside, he kicked out the nearest chair with his boot and placed you on it.

“You can’t carry me like that!” You yelled.

“Where’s your pills?” He asked.

You twisted your lips. You opened it to claim that you were a big girl and therefore too heavy for him. But then remembered the serum and nearly laughed. But Bucky wasn’t in the mood for laughing.

“Stubborn doesn’t work on me, doll,” he said. 

You sighed and deflated. “On my dresser,” you relented.

Bucky disappeared upstairs and came back down in record time. He handed you your iron supplement and then a bottle of water. 

“Did you skip this today?” He asked.

You shrugged. “Might’ve been…a week?” You asked.

“A week!” Bucky yelled.

“If I eat meals with iron in it, I’m usually fine. We had so much damn red meat yesterday, I’m pretty sure I had meat sweats,” you said and shivered, attempting to lighten up the mood.

“Let me get this straight. You don’t like people doing things for you and you don’t like taking care of yourself? Pick a struggle,” he said.

You laughed. You couldn’t help it. You knew he didn’t mean it as a joke but he had been hanging around Black folk for way too long.

Bucky knelt beside you and grabbed your hands. “Hey, this is serious. Iron deficiency is serious,” he said.

You sobered up and looked at him, really looked at him. He was…scared for you? You immediately wanted to shut that thought down, but how else could you explain his behavior?

“I promise I’ll do better. Sometimes I can’t always tell when my iron is low,” you said.

Bucky nodded and blew out a breath. “I’ve got a lot of work to do,” he said.

“What does that mean?” You asked.

He smirked. “Oh, doll,” he said. He brought his hand up to stroke your cheek. You tilted your head into his hand, loving it. 

“You need to keep your strength up for things I’m going to do to you,” he said.

You made a strangled noise and Bucky laughed. He leaned up and pressed his lips against yours. He was so warm, it was a stark contrast from the ice cold water you drank. He licked the seam of your lips before slowly pushing inside.

He kissed you slowly, reverently. When he pulled back, he winked. “Come on. The fun is just getting started.”

Read Part 1 | Read Part 3 | Read Part 4 | Read Part 5

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph! 💕

Any chance you’d want to pick the first fic I read for the Good Omens fandom??

I'm usually in Johnlock hell but I figured I'd give Good Omens a go. I’m really glad I did, bc these dorks are adorable 😭 Aziraphale’s little giggly SMILES hhhhh kill me

Any fic rating is fine, preferably aziracow (is that the ship name?) slash, preferably a pre-season 2 fic (simply bc I haven't watched season 2 yet. I've seen all the spoilers already tho…)

Anyway, thanks Steph! Ilysm 💕

- @sherlockwatsons / @aziraphales-duck (heh, my shiny new GO blog)

PS- I wasn’t sure if your good omens blog was a fic rec blog so I asked the question here… but I can *not* ask here (or anywhere) in the future if you don’t rec good omens stuff normally 🫂

Hi Lovely!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH I'd be HONOURED to suggest a few fics for you to start in the GO fandom!! First off, I do have a few lists you can check out, all done with fics written pre-S2:

Good Omens / Ineffable Husbands

Good Omens MFL Recs

Sherlock x  Good Omens Crossovers (Updated Apr 2023)

Secondly, here are five of my fave GO fics so far, and are great starts into reading GO fics!

The Picnic; or, the Drawbacks of Loving an Angel by sorrowfulcheese (G, 3,776 w., 1 Ch. || Post-Apocalypse/Canon, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Misunderstandings, Moving On, Picnicking, Idiots in Love, Crowley POV, Cranky Crowley, Mutual Pining, Light Angst with Happy Ending) – Aziraphale lures Crowley out for a picnic. It doesn't go remarkably well. 

Your Reward Ye Shall Have by sussexbound (T, 3,146 w., 1 Ch. || Angelic Love, Wings, Emotional Intimacy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Pining Crowley, Soft Crowley, Emotional Connection, Emotional Porn, Groping, Bums, POV Aziraphale) – It is not the first time Aziraphale has considered giving in. Crowley mumbles something in his sleep, unfurls his long limbs for a moment, before tucking them back in, curling tight, arms wrapped around his knees. He shudders and then settles again with a sigh, and Aziraphale loves him.

toss you for edinburgh (and other promises) by leaveanote (E, 10,611 w., 1 Ch || Aziraphale POV, Passage of Time, Slow Burn, Heavy Mutual Pining, Porn With Feelings, Romance, Anal, Rimming, Angst with Happy Ending, Pet Names, The Arrangement, Love Confessions, Passionate Love Making, Friends With Benefits But it Hurts, Inside Jokes, Proposal) – Crowley hadn't meant anything by it, Aziraphale knows that (it's very obvious when he's actually flirting). But he still can't stop thinking about it. They have been together twice before, and each time, Aziraphale swore it could not happen again. This time, he tells himself, as he seeks Crowley out after Hamlet, it will be enough. It has to be.

A Brief History of Touch by chamyl (E, 11,849 w., 1 Ch. || Moments in Time, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Mutual Pining, Romance, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Almost Kiss, Touch-Starved Crowley, Angst With Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Blow Jobs, Emotional Love Making, Friends to Lovers, Body Worship, Promise of Forever With a Ring) – Six thousand years of pining, stolen glances, almost-touches, plummeting towards the inevitable end.

The Nice and Accurate Love Story of A. J. Crowley and A. Z. Fell by SealandRocks (E, 16,353 w., 1 Ch. || Pining Crowley, Implied Mutual Pining, Emotional Love Making, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, POV Crowley, Jealous Crowley, Crowley’s Plants, Kissing as Healing, Moments in Time, The Arrangement, Love Confessions, Bottom Crowley, Gentle Aziraphale, Slow Burn, Falling in Love, Crowley is Bad at Feelings, First Kiss/Time, Anal Sex / Fingering, Wings / Wing Kink, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Kissing in the Rain, Symbolism, Historical References) – Crowley and Aziraphale have been dancing around each other since the beginning. From Eden to London, it eventually becomes very hard to avoid the only other immortal around. And after so many centuries, having a physically body becomes a bit uncomfortable. Crowley is left to wonder what it is about Aziraphale that helps ease the ache in his soul. It would only take him 6000 years to figure out that it was rooted in something deeper all along. Part 1 of Love Stories for the Oblivious

------

Secondly, I think the ship name is Aziracrow, A/C, or the Ineffable Husbands :) I'm SO happy you loved Good Omens, I love it SO much!!! I haven't read any post S2 fics yet, but might check them out soon! :)

And finally, you can ask me anything on either blog! :D Asks like this get crossposted to either-or blog since I've bigger audience here, but a separate GO blog for my Lovelies who still like me but don't want the Sherlock or multifandom content, hahah!

Hope you enjoy these, and if you guys have some fave fics for GO that are great for beginners, please add them here!! <3

[rozaceous]

the time being had is of ambiguous quality, but we're certainly here

(ttbh for abbreviation purposes)

below the cut is the scene i wrote as gift fic for @vermillioncrown as a spin-off of our collab 'we're here for a good time, not a long time,' which we've hinted around in previous posts. (we were talking abt our beef w kidfic and this happened.) abt 1.7k words

to re-cap, general premise is that allie and korvin got de-aged in their respective universes, have to camp out in canon-verse for a little while as things settle down at home. whfagt events were abt six months prior.

Allie doesn’t think it’s unreasonable that when the very beautiful man who told her to call him Conner attempts to set her down amongst a group of vigilantes that she’s been assured are an alternate universe version of her family—and whom older her has apparently visited before?—she tightens her grip on his t-shirt and her knees around his hip.

The even more (somehow?) beautiful man who is first to approach them makes her hide her face in Conner’s shoulder because he’s so nauseatingly good-looking. Well, it’s a combo of that and people staring at her in general. Is everyone stupidly pretty here?

Someone makes a cooing noise.

“Jason filled us in,” says the Even More Beautiful Man. “This is Allie?”

His voice is all cheerful-gentle and Allie hates it, she does not want this man paying her his undivided attention, it’s mortifying, it’s even worse than when Duke and Jason had had to calm her down from a panic attack a few hours ago and had treated her with kid gloves and looked at her like she was the saddest, wettest kitten out in the rain.

But part of what he says makes her perk up, and she looks around the cave which is apparently called the Batcave because everyone sucks at naming things. “Jason?”

Conner snorts. “The more things change…”

“—I just don’t think it makes sense to leave me in an alternate universe with people I don’t know,” comes a child’s voice, only barely petulant, and Allie’s distracted from her search. “Can’t I be protected at—home? Don’t you have superpowers?”

“Yeah, but you’re extra squishy human right now, Korv,” says a fond-sounding Conner. A Conner who is not her Conner, or at least not the one holding her. It’s a Conner carrying a little boy piggy-back who looks about her age, walking down a set of stairs. Hm. She had gotten flown in through an entrance directly into the cave. It had been really cool.

“And the true dynamic duo is reunited,” mutters another pretty boy, trailing behind. He catches Allie’s eye and smiles.

Allie wants to die. Just how many beautiful people’s company can she be expected to endure?

“Reunited?” Allie redirects her attention. She looks at the little boy who looks back at her with equal discernment, and doesn’t recognize him though the preternatural canniness is viscerally familiar. “We’ve met?”

The Even More Beautiful Man clears his throat. “You and Korvin met the last time you were both in this universe, Allie.” He sounds slightly constipated. Unfortunately, it doesn’t diminish his charm.

“Yeah, and now it’s something something, latent agents of chaos and order, multiversal shenanigans never letting up, achieving balance in the force,” says Korvin’s Conner. “Easiest if you and Allie are in the same place for the time being while the rest of us do clean up. You two even each other out, existentially speaking.”

“That’s a stupid explanation,” Korvin grumbles. He darts another look at Allie, scans the cave.

Anything his Conner might say in response is drowned out by the sound of a motorcycle engine echoing, and Allie’s attention is stolen by the figure on the bike, who, besides Conner, is the only one she recognizes thus far. Though that’s not saying much.

Jason—or this universe’s version of him, and wow this is all getting confusing—eyeballs her once he’s parked and takes his helmet off, hair mussed and a little sweaty. He gives a little wave. “Hey, Allie.”

“Hi,” she replies, and she can feel her cheeks reddening again. She turns away.

“No memories at all?” asks Jason in a tone of confirmation more than interrogation, and she’s not a hundred percent on who he’s talking to, but she decides it’s not her. Besides, he should already know this since her Jason is the one that initiated contact with him about her coming here.

Conner answers. “Nothing past the age she is now.” He rubs his hand on her back.

Time to lean in.

“I’m seven,” she announces in her best ‘I’m baby’ impression.

“Me too,” says Korvin.

“Fascinating,” says the pretty boy. “You had at least a ten year age gap last time.”

“So, this is a situation that is potentially hilarious, and I’d love to stick around for multiple reasons not even to do with the hilarity, but unfortunately there’s a time crunch.” Korvin’s Conner sounds genuinely apologetic.

“Ditto.” Conner is similarly regretful. “Believe me, I want to hang around, and you are wicked cute as a kid—” he directs this part at Allie “—but the universe-saving thing. Kind of pressing.”

“They’ll be safe here,” assures the oldest man in a gruff voice. He’s handsome, but in a dad kind of way where he looks like he needs a nap and a shave. Allie bets he gives really good hugs if you’re able to surprise one out of him.

“Hopefully less mayhem than last time,” says the Even More Beautiful Man with a laugh. “Admittedly not a high bar to clear, though.”

Everyone has been extremely vague about what had happened the last time Allie had universe-hopped, her Jason especially, and he had seemed to know the most. Maybe she’ll get some answers here.

“This is child abandonment, I’m pretty sure,” protests Korvin when his Conner detaches him and sets him down. His Conner winces deeply.

“I’ll be back, Korv,” he promises, crouched down to eye level and more serious than an adult making those kinds of promises to a kid usually is.

“Hm,” is all Korvin says.

“You too, now, Allie,” says her Conner. He’s wearing a reassuring expression. “Back soon.”

She doesn’t put up a fuss this time, though she feels a little silly standing there in the Wonder Woman t-shirt her Jason had given her—older-hers, apparently, and she swims in it even with the hem tied in a knot at her waist—and the jeans and shoes that had been hastily purchased in her home universe.

The two Conners eye each other, and then Korvin’s Conner says, “Good to know I can pull off a nose ring.”

Her Conner scoffs. “I can pull off anything.”

Korvin’s Conner grins. “It's true, I can.”

“See you in a bit, Allie.”

“Real soon, Korv.”

The two of them have some universe-traveling bracelet doohickey and vanish in short order, and Allie looks around the gathered inhabitants of the Batcave—seriously such a stupid name—and then at Korvin, who looks back at her, and, in unspoken agreement, they move closer to each other.

“I think this means we’re best friends now,” she says solemnly.

Korvin nods back with equal solemnity.

The Even More Beautiful Man squats down and smiles at them. “Either of you hungry?”

“Is Steph here?” Allie ignores him and peers around the cave for effect. ”Or Duke?”

“Steph and Duke?” Korvin asks her, also ignoring the Even More Beautiful Man.

“They're nice,” Allie informs him. ”And Steph's really pretty.”

The Even More Beautiful Man makes a noise in the back of his throat, apparently of confusion or dismay, because he quickly clears it and that noise is different. “Steph's wrapping some things up and Duke has class. He'll be back for dinner.”

“Oh.” Allie stops looking around. She still doesn't look at the Even More Beautiful Man; it'd be like looking at the sun if the sun wasn't an indifferent ball of burning gas and instead actively liked you.

“Who are you, anyway?” says Korvin to the Even More Beautiful Man, though Allie notices that he doesn't look at him straight on. Still. Respect.

The Even More Beautiful Man smiles again. “I'm Dick—”

Allie chokes, shares a frantic glance with Korvin.

“That's a bad word,” Korvin accuses instantly.

“I can't say that, I'll get in trouble,” Allie follows up.

“Are you trying to get us in trouble?”

“That's not nice.”

“You shouldn���t try and trick people.”

“I don’t like this.”

Korvin latches onto her hand; she squeezes back. They shuffle even closer to one another.

The pretty boy is clearly biting his cheek in order not to laugh, his face pinking. Dick—and not only is everyone pretty here, the bad names aren’t limited to places, apparently—just stares at them, shell-shocked.

“I—it’s not a bad word, my name is—Dick is short for Richard. It’s a nickname.” He sounds thoroughly lost.

“Sure, Mr Richard,” returns Korvin derisively.

The pretty boy loses it at the same time as Jason bursts into a full-on cackle and Dick’s expression turns to one of horror. Allie, trying not to observe everyone else laughing so that she doesn’t crack, manages instead to make eye contact with the old guy, who gives her the most subdued yet intense smile she’s ever seen, causing her to reflexively smile back.

“His name really is Dick,” the old guy says, subdued-amused. Wow, everything about this guy is subdued, but strictly in a lurking-under-the-surface kinda way. “I’m Bruce. Allie, you’ve met Jason. Korvin, you’ve met Tim. The others will be by eventually and we’ll do further introductions as needed.”

Smart, not offering up information until it’s immediately relevant. Also, paranoid. Allie notices Bruce noticing that she notices, and, judging by the grip on her hand, Korvin notices, too.

“Holy shit, this is great,” Jason wheezes.

“Language,” Tim wheezes back, setting them both off again.

With an air of trying to regain his equilibrium, Dick looks to her and Korvin, jokes, “What, you’re not going to reprimand Jason for using a bad word?”

Korvin scuffs his foot on the concrete, looking down, hand swinging in hers. “Not my business.”

Allie, feeling a little emboldened by the general good humor, interprets: “He’s not trying to make us say anything bad, so it’d be rude to reprimand.” Then, enunciating as clearly as possible, she continues, “And we have fucking manners.”

Even Dick loses the ability to hold it together in the face of such impeccable logic; he snorts loudly, claps a hand over his mouth.

Korvin grins and laughs, then, and Allie grins back.

[themculibrary]

Christmas Presents Masterlist

A Christmas For You And Me (ao3) - idiotwithdreams steve/tony, bucky/clint, bruce/natasha, jane/thor G, 5k

Summary: Forced into playing Secret Santa with the rest of the Avengers, Tony Stark falls into a state of panic as he struggles to find the perfect gift for the super soldier that he is not in love with, no matter what Pepper says, it’s just a crush. Really.

Meanwhile, Steve Rogers has decided that Christmas is the time for love and confessions, and has the perfect present in mind for his favorite genius. Little does he know that said genius possesses the ability to misinterpret perfect gifts so differently.

Christmas fluff with idiot boys in love. Ft. Pepper and Natasha being tired of all the angsty pining while Bucky loves enjoying Steve’s misery!

all I want for Christmas (is you) (ao3) - grydo2life clint/phil T, 5k

Summary: Or, 5 presents Clint gave Phil, and 1 that Phil gave back.

Christmas Day (ao3) - melles1276 bucky/sarah G, 4k

Summary: Missing scenes from "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" series ...

Post Episode 6: It's Christmas Day! Things are handled different this time (sort of)

Fill My Lungs with Sweetness (ao3) - starclipped steve/bucky T, 13k

Summary: In which there are coupons, presents, friendships, feelings, and a list.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (ao3) - Last_Chance_Anna steve/tony T, 10k

Summary: A sort of non-Christmas Christmas story. Steve and Tony supporting each other through a very difficult time of year.

I Didn't Forget About You (ao3) - Marv_with_a_v matt/foggy G, 2k

Summary: A last minute present hunt drives Foggy to desperation before he realises the perfect present isn't something you buy, it's something you are: there for each other, present in a very tangible way, in a way that matters, on Christmas and on every other day.

I Like the Way You Kiss Me (ao3) - BubbaForest peter/wade M, 11k

Summary: Wade Wilson is very much in love with Spiderman, but thinks he only wants to be friends with benefits. He doesn't want to get attached, so he does everything possible not to get hurt. Peter Parker loves Wade and he doesn't understand why they aren't official yet, but he's okay keeping it causal because that's what Wade wants.

What happens when neither of them can keep up the charade of not being in love anymore?

(Happy ending featuring Christmas and Aunt May)

Merry Christmas, kid (ao3) - PandoraLestrange pepper/tony G, 1k

Summary: The first Christmas since Tony adopted Peter Parker. What a great dad can’t relate lol I hate my father

Merry Christmas Punk (ao3) - cleo4u2 steve/bucky E, 7k

Summary: The Howling Commandos plan a Christmas present for their Captain. It’s not at all what Steve expected, but it’s everything he ever wanted.

Mission - Steve and Bucky’s Best Christmas Ever (ao3) - LightningStriking steve/bucky G, 10k

Summary: Bucky has a plan. A carefully constructed, and meticulously plotted plan. Of how to give his best friend Steve the most wonderful, festive, and happy Christmas season ever. Culminating in a declaration of love, which hopefully will be returned. Can Bucky pull it off, and receive the best Christmas present of all - Steve as his boyfriend??

MistleTony (ao3) - catemonsterq darcy/tony E, 39k

Summary: It’s Secret Santa time at Avengers Tower and Darcy finds herself with a conundrum- of course, she would wind up pulling Tony Stark’s name from the hat. What exactly does one get a genius, billionaire, playboy….especially when that person also happens to be your crush? Darcy has a month to find the perfect present without kissing him senseless. Hint: she doesn’t make it.

Secret Santa (ao3) - within_a_rustic_cafe steve/tony E, 6k

Summary: It’s Christmastime and the Avengers decide to participate in Secret Santa! When Steve gets Tony for his Secret Santa, the super solider knows just the perfect thing to get his genius boyfriend.

Six Days of Christmas (ao3) - scifigrl47 steve/tony M, 60k

Summary: Sometimes being home for the holidays is less about where you are, and more about who's with you.

Merry Christmas!

Steve and Peggy’s Christmas List (ao3) - AgentPeggyRogers peggy/steve T, 5k

Summary: Christmas 1949. It’s Steve and Peggy’s first holiday together since he returned to her in Endgame. They both have their own plans for how to make Christmas special. Christmas, wintery fluff. | Steggy Secret Santa 2023

you’re exactly where you ought to be (ao3) - soniclipstick (veriscence) bucky/steve/tony M, 6k

Summary: “Do you have any idea how often Tony looks at your butt?”

Steve snorts. “That means next to nothing. Everyone looks at my butt.” “Well, it is a great butt,” Bucky says, his lips curling into a smirk.

In which there are presents, snow angels, and caffeinated maple syrup. And much kissing.