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youssefguedira · 6 months ago

Note

K or N for Joe and/or Nicky

K. On the edge of consciousness.

Yusuf wakes slowly, so slowly that he can’t see and isn’t even sure he can open his eyes, only half-sure he still has eyes, and that’s how he knows there’s something very, very wrong. He can’t move, can’t hear, can’t even smell anything. He doesn’t remember exactly what happened to him, but every part of him is burning, and he’s fairly sure the weird aching sensation in his head is his skull knitting itself back together, which. He really, really didn’t need to know what that feels like.

There’s a scraping in his chest when he breathes in, but at least he’s breathing.

Where is he? He could be anywhere. He could be in the middle of the street, could have been dragged away from the fighting from someone who had seen him breathing through a wound that should have killed him immediately. When he wakes, what will he find? Will they have taken his weapon? How long has he been dead?

Will Nicolò be able to find him, if they are separated? Will he even try?

Slowly but steadily, he starts to hear something: a high pitched whistling that sounds like it’s coming from deep inside his own head. The darkness begins to lift, leaving flickering amber lights across his vision, and a shadow in front of him.

There’s a voice, too, one that sharpens into words as Yusuf’s hearing begins to return. He doesn’t understand their meaning, but the cadence of them and the voice itself is familiar.

“Are you awake?” Nicolò asks softly, switching to Arabic.

Yusuf tries to make a sound in response. Whether it’s audible he doesn’t know, because the only noise he can really make is a rasping exhale, but Nicolò hushes him anyway.

“Do not… you can be slow,” Nicolò says. He’s more comfortable with the sounds of the language now, but still doesn’t always string sentences together well. “We are safe. I am here.”

He’s made aware of where his hand is by the feeling of Nicolò reaching for it. Yusuf manages to make an actual sound this time, but still can’t form words. Nicolò squeezes his hand gently.

“I am here,” he says again.

Eventually, Yusuf’s skull seems to piece itself back together fully, and his vision sharpens, letting him see that they’re backed into the corner of the two remaining intact walls of a house ravaged by fire, Nicolò crouched in front of him with his sword in hand. There’s a trail of blood leading to where Yusuf is lying now, and a section of the room that has collapsed. He can piece together enough. Nicolò would have had to drag him over here.

This time, he manages to make a sound, even if he can’t quite form words. Nicolò looks down at him over his shoulder, and there is blood on his face and in his hair, and only then does Yusuf notice the bodies in the room.

“Okay?” Nicolò asks.

Yusuf manages to nod, and it sends a spike of pain along his spine. Nicolò turns slightly to look at him properly.

“You are almost done, I think,” he says. “You did not… you were asleep for a long time. I did not know if…”

“Nicolò,” Yusuf finally manages, hoarse.

“Rest,” Nicolò says. “I am here.”

(letter asks)

#neon answers #scriggle-scraggle #neon writes #the old guard #kaysanova #me personally i am obsessed with the mental image of nicolo crouching with his sword in front of yusuf while he's recovering #what happened to yusuf: wall fell on him #nicolo COULD have kept fighting but he's physically shielding him from anyone who might try to get to him while he's healing (incredibly #vulnerable) and thats well. Something to me. is this well written ? i dont know. i am feelin something abt it tho #this is like uhhhh somewhat pre relationship . the other thing is that nicolo is deliberately trying to speak arabic so its easier for yusu #bc like. as someone who tries to regularly switch between languages. i think its probably Not Easy to work in a language youre still #learning (italian) right after like. Dying with your brain barely online #thats why his senses dont go back btw. brain is healing. so thats why nicolos doing that #NOt that you all desperately needed to know that but i wanted to let you all know anyway #thank you for the prompt!!!#also i know whatever position nicolò's got his hand in to be able to hold yusuf's hand AND still face outward is super awkward but #i wanted the image and he's immortal it's fine

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vammieposts · 2 months ago

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I am going fucking insane do they make drivers ed intentionally brain melting??

Everytime i hear this mans voice i feel like im watching honey crystalize or paint dry or cheese Very Slowly grow moldy

Like i know im overreacting but i cant focus on this?? I have to do 30 hours and its like every time i start watching one of the videos my brain turns off and i cant focus on what hes saying i hate online learning stuff so much

i dont care if i have to go to a classroom just make me learn this in literally any other way than listening to this man reading aloud multiple choice questions from a weirdly formatted slideshow for 30 minutes straight with the crunchiest audio known to man

#i know online learning is probably cheaper #but do you want me to be good at driving or not??#this is kinda important #IF I HEAR THIS GUY GO #And #the correct answer is #C #ONE MORE TIME #vammieposts #i sit in apush lectures for forty minutes everyday and im able to focus #clearly theres a wY to do this so its not so dull #JUST STOP WITH THE MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESITONS I BEF #like who decided this was a good idea?? multiple choice stuff is so repetitibe it all blends togther #and now i remember the wrong answers more often than the cofrect answers!’#drivers ed #i have 25 more hours of this i really dont think i can handle it #yes im overreacting but i cant do busywork i cant focus on dull things i really want to learn this and its not being taught well and that #upsets me a lot #its so so frustrating when theres an easy solution to bad systems and formats #and people dont see it??#it upsets me that so many things are being switched to online when that more often than not makes it MORE difficult??#my schools digital hallpass things??#unique apps to pay for parking in each coty??#digital doesnt automaticaly meant more efficient or convinient #its helpful in some areas #and much worse in others #this drivers ed is the worse end of the spectrum #because instead of being like oh heres the slideshow read it and take the test #it gives you a specific amount of hours you have to spend watching videos #i could just walk away and let the bideo play! like how does that prove that i know anything thats being tuaght??

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deliciousdietdrpepper · 17 days ago

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Meme literacy is such a niche gift when you’re around people who aren’t on the internet and don’t remix their own stuff. They’re like “you made that?.. like the words and stuff?” Yes I did thank you very very much 😌 I didn’t just understand the concept, I took it to the next level of meta and contributed to the increasing inaccessibility of online humor.

#this is why I struggle to have irl conversations #not because I’m autistic #but because I communicated too much at a pivotal developmental time through online references 😔#no one knows what I’m saying. gotta learn to code switch #memes #chronically online

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advisorsage · 4 months ago

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The universe loves me

#i can get the a i need for my online class after all!!!!!!#eeeeeeeeeeeeee #i just have to do 2 things and I'm gonna get the a #then I'll get my full amount of funds instead of half #I'm so excited #i mean first i have to do things for my in person class for that a but that one is super easy #this is such a gift and i don't know what deity did this #i don't worship any luck deities or ones associated with money or fortune or knowledge so idk #like all of mine are chaos and revelry and trickery other than one #but that one is like motherhood and stuff and i worship her to get the comfort of a divine mother #anyway whatever deity decided to blast my ass with fortune i love you #also i got what i needed to up my financial aid for the upcoming school year so double fortune #I'm vibrating with excitement #i may not be getting anywhere in my job search but my bank account won't be negative and I'll have the grades i wanted #life is beautiful today #i also got my doctor to switch me to gel for my t so i won't have a bad reaction hopefully and i see the gastroenterologist tomorrow #i'll get the swallowing problem dealt with soon even if i have to get a camera shoved down my throat again #and my college is doing a free tuition thing that while i don't think i qualify for will still be really good for other people who need it #and my dad leaves town for 2 weeks in the morning #I've just had a ton of good things happen in a row #also i got to see the living tombstone on Saturday and i swear that fixed the funk i was in from what i had to do last week #and i learned sweet tea doesn't taste like pure sugar so it's actually decent #damn I'm feeling good #anyway happy rant over #go be gremlins #and as always #drink water you heathens

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01tsubomi · 1 year ago

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i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"

#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back #in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou #so i was like damn i would've totally passed #anyway hashtag classic maya but idk #i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college #but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji)#and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again #so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da #i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work #so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time #i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time #with the genre of shows i watch at least #so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like #a good place to be #i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles #so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point #those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss #personal

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asiancatboy · 1 year ago

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life can be so easy sometimes. woag

#i ordered a pair of prescription transition glasses online at a great price & i love them sooo much but forgot they'd need adjusting #i just told my manager hey do you mind if i leave a little early today & she was just like yeah no worries #so i walked over to the local opticians & the woman there was so sweet. did the adjustment & was also like #'hey do you want a smaller nose pad? i think it would be more comfortable for you' so she went ahead & did that #whilst explaining to me how the process works bc i've always been genuinely curious how they adjust them. i learned they use a heat machine #to be able to adjust the temples :) also different glasses have different max heat points so you always have to be careful #then she showed me all the tools to switch out the pads which looked very fun. like tiny lego kind of fun #also she asked me abt my accent & i just told her 'no exciting story unfortunately. i'm autistic so i tend to pick up accents #but next time i'll make one up for you' to which she replied with the funniest story abt how her husband who was born without #anything past his right elbow loooooves to do that. make up stories abt how it got frozen off on a trip to the north that went bad or #bitten off by a shark or donated to someone else or to science. & she says all this with so much fond exasperation it was v funny & v sweet #7

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dashiellqvverty · 2 years ago

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whenever people start talking about a show being lost because theres nowhere to watch it on streaming and stuff everyone is always like “wow have these people never heard of piracy” which like, yeah, but also. have these people heard of DVDs and libraries

#thats how i watched doctor who and sherlock and pushing daisies back in the day #i learned how to find tv shows online so i could watch spn bc i didnt want my mom to know i was watching it #(i went a long time not even allowed to watch disney but also i was 13 by then and it wouldve been fine)#we got netflix when i was like halfway through the series and then i switched to that #r.txt #anyway most shows you cant find on streaming will be available at a library near you!#or somewhere in your library's consortium! use those inter-library loans!

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finrays · 2 years ago

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Honestly? I think the problem we have with people calling other people’s real-world morals bankrupt for their preferences in fiction has more to it than just a lack of critical thinking skills.

Because that IS a problem; we SHOULD be examining what our media is trying to tell us and who it’s aimed at, and we SHOULD be mindful of how things are presented, both in-universe and outside of it, in real life or fandom spaces. We SHOULD think carefully about which aspects of a work might be distressing to other people, and to help them curate their experience by tagging and informing of things that, while they might not necessarily hit your Disengage Point, do fill the gauges of others to the brim.

But we ALSO shouldn’t be conflating in-story morality with a person’s real, actual character and personality and way of thinking. I can almost guarantee you that people who like characters that have committed war crimes do NOT condone the committing of real world war crimes themselves. And if they ARE the sort of person who DOES, you usually know about that LONG before their fictional tie-ins become apparent.

No, I think beyond just the obvious answers of black-and-white thinking, an inability to separate reality from fiction, and the assumption that everyone thinks like you do, there’s a BIG problem with this trend that has deeper roots.

And it’s that people are VERY insecure about their own moral standing.

I feel like in the past ten years, people around these parts have become... a lot more interested in proving that they’re morally superior to other people. In taking every opportunity they can to declare loudly that they’re ABOVE this and BETTER THAN YOU. My own sister does it to me a LOT, even with issues we agree on; if I say something in favor of reproductive justice, she HAS to pick out something in my statement that wasn’t good enough and expand on how much more moral and smart her own viewpoint is, even though she KNOWS we’re in agreement on a topic.

And I feel like this comes from a place of fear. We’re AFRAID that we’re doing the wrong thing. That we’re hurting other people. That we’re part of the problem instead of the solution. Unfortunately, the coping mechanism that part of the population has developed is lashing out at other people to comfort themselves and reassure themselves that their moral standing is good, for whatever reasons they can find.

Which you don’t need to do, my guys and gals and nonbinary friends; your actions and the way you treat other people speak WAY louder than your taste in fiction. I’ve met people who like the same things as I do that I can’t STAND because of the way they present themselves, and people who dislike all the things I like whom I LOVE because they’re kind and fun to hang out with.

The point is, I think we’re carrying our real-world insecurities into the way we approach others in fandom WAY too much. We have to collectively stop and take the time to take a deep breath and have a little think before we fire off. It’s a good life skill to have, and it’s a good thing to practice doing.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, all five of you, lol. Be excellent to each other.

#I am constantly grappling with this offline and it's exhausting to have to deal with it online too #people are so quick to leap on you and put words in your mouth that I feel like it CAN'T be anything but a desperate need #and I so wish you all peace; I hope you find the self-confidence and happiness you need to believe you're on the right track #and the self-love and grace you need to switch over if you learn you're not after all #you can do it; I know you can and I'm pulling for you

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senadimell · 2 years ago

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Oh, the euphoria of a new skill...I’m finally starting to get the hang of spinning and I get such a thrill of happiness thinking about it. I’m looking over at my little spindle and the single I wound last night to ply today and I’m thinking “I made that! Me!”

It’s such a nice feeling, especially because I kinda resented spinning a few skeins ago because it was really hard and my yarn was so wonky until somehow something just clicked in how I was holding it and now I have so much more control than I used to.

#spinning is an interesting learning curve because it's quite easy to do but hard to do well #a bit like skiing so i've heard #whereas stuff like nalbinding was mindbendingly hard to figure out but really simple after that #anyways i have one gorgeous little skein of finely spun stuff that I want to ply later #oh and i started using a distaff which was really neat!#still getting the hang of it #but wow I have so much wool! So excited!#next step after i ply the single i wound last night is to learn about dyeing #because all of my current wool (except a 4 ish ounces of natural brown corriedale) is undyed cream colored stuff #and i think my yarn will be a lot happier if it was golden or purple or something #a shame my favorite colors are hard to achieve with natural dyes #but there are so many natural dyes out there!#also i'm falling down a rabbit hole...made my own spindle (which i think was what led to the breakthrough actually)#and now i am becoming too powerful #oh no #all those online people with fifty million spindles...it will be me if i'm not careful...#anyways since i don't have a lathe and kneaded erasers and blue tac are a little unreliable #i think i'm going to make a polymer clay whorl next to go on my homemade spindle #switching to a bottom whorl for a while is i think what helped me figure out how to do this #also i think i was maybe holding my wool too tightly before and that's why i was wavering rapidly between lace thickness and single-thicknes #aka thick enough to be a single #also turns out nalbinding yarn has to be way more quality than some fluff internet pieces would have me believe???#they're like *oh nalbinding predates knitting because you can use short lengths of yarn #so you don't have to have the tech/skill for longer or plied stuff*#but hello. you can knit with very fragile yarn but nalbinding? there's a LOT of friction there and badly spun yarn is p. hard #ask me how i know #anyways i think i should probably troubleshoot and find out what makes a yarn slubby because i don't know anything yet

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dogydayz · 2 years ago

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i cannot fucking believe that i may have to tell my friend that the fuckin thing i want him to preorder for me is going to be $60 instead of $45. He already lost his shit when I revealed that this whole thing is for a bunch of fan merch shipping gay hedgehogs, but now I'm gonna have to tell him it's actually $60 and he's never going to let me live it down.

#yes this is about the Live & Learn zine #he said he's willing to help me as long as I pay the money up front to him #i have to do it like this because i cant spend money online rn #i spent over $400 on games because i got a new PC okay?#and some Switch games #so my mom banned me from spending online money #this is my workaround #i dont have shame but it's still funny as fuck

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tenderlambkin · 2 months ago

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Ublock Origin

Youtube: SponsorBlock (skips ads within videos), DeArrow (replaces clickbait thumbnails & titles), Blocktube (block channels), Enhancer (Quality of Life features), Youtube-Shorts Block

Youtube Mobile: Youtube Vanced/Revanced Manager

Twitter: Minimal Theme extension

Tumblr: xKit/xKit Rewritten, Dashboard Unfucker, Stylus with "Old Tumblr Dashboard" userstyle

Spotify: xManager (desktop & mobile)

Firefox: High chance you'll love it and curse holding out for so long.

Linux: No whiney search box trying to Edge you, no ads in the start menu, no trending searches reminding you about celebrity gossip & politics.

i would move heaven and earth to avoid hearing one single advertisement

#I'm not going to blindly tell you to “switch to Linux” but you can easily test it out in a Virtual Machine within windows.#There are guides online that will hold your hand through the setup process. Linux Mint is not scary. You might love it.#If setting up a VM still feels like too much? Then yeah stick with Windows. That's understandable.#but if you're reading this far then you must have caught on to how your ability to fight back is tied to your tech literacy skills #If you're already following workaround guides to forcibly disable Windows features that piss you off or install modified apks...#then you're halfway there #we all pick our battles & hills to die on though (My deepest condolences if you require Adobe for work 🥲)#There is also Ublocks 'element picker' but you can cause more confusion than good if #you don't know what you're doing (You can always remove filters)#Or do what uBlock picker does by learning a tiny bit of CSS and you can make anything you want on a website go bye-bye #pssst! ''display: none'' & ''visibility: hidden'' CSS declarations #I originally listed all this in the tags and realized it was a mess. May as well keep the tags now though:#Linux #Firefox #uBlock Origin #SponsorBlock #Youtube-Shorts Block #DeArrow #Youtube Vanced #ReVanced Manager #Revanced #Minimal Theme for Twitter #Stylus #xkit #xkit rewritten #Dashboard Unfucker #xManager #I spent my morning free-time on this 😪

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mitsdedistance · 7 months ago

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twocatsinatrenchcoat · 7 months ago

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Oh right i'm following an education. Wuh oh

#exams in a week and i haven't studied since the last time i flunked these subjects!#also there's an assignment required to pass that i may or may not have to do again but i'm not even sure how to get started!#partially cause they decided to switch their online learning portal to one that's wayyyy worse!#wohoooo #time to play ffxiv all day about it again

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salvadorbonaparte · 10 months ago

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Duolingo Alternatives by Language

Disclaimer: I haven't used or tested all of them. All resources have different strengths, e.g. Drops being designed for vocabulary. They often aren't full alternatives for Duolingo or formal classes. I just wanted to compile resources for all languages on Duolingo to make the switch easier, especially for the less popular languages.

Feel free to also check out my collection of free textbooks

If you want a more detailed resource list for any of these languages (or perhaps one not listed here) you can send me an ask and I can see what I can do.

Arabic

AlifBee

Arabic Unlocked

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Busuu

Clozemaster

Drops

Infinite Arabic

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Write It! Arabic

Catalan

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mondly

Qlango

Chinese

Bluebird

Beelinguapp

Bunpo

Busuu

Chineasy

Clozemaster

Drops

Du Chinese

Hello Chinese

HeyChina

Immersive Chinese

Infinite Chinese

Ling

Lingodeer

LinGo Play

Lingopie

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Pleco Chinese Dictionary

Qlango

Czech

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Ling

LinGo Play

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Danish

Babbel

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Dutch

Babbel

Bluebird

Busuu

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Say Something in Dutch

Qlango

Esperanto

Clozemaster

Drops

Esperanto12.net

Kurso de Esperanto

LingQ

Qlango

Finnish

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

French

Babbel

Bluebird

Beelinguapp

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Collins French Dictionary

Conjuu

Dr French

Drops

HeyFrance

Infinite French

Lilata

Ling

Linga

Lingodeer

LinGo Play

Lingopie

Lingvist

LingQ

Listen Up

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Nextlingua

Oxford French Dictionary

Qlango

TV5MONDE

Xeropan

German

Babbel

Bluebird

Beelinguapp

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Collins German Dictionary

Conjuu

Drops

DW Learn German

Infinite German

Ling

Linga

Lingodeer

Lingopie

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Nextlingua

Oxford German Dictionary

Qlango

Xeropan

Greek

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Greek Alphabet Academy

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Write It! Greek

Guaraní

Clozemaster

Guarani Ayvu

Haitian Creole

Bluebird

Mango

Hawaiian

Drops

Mango

ʻŌlelo Online

Hebrew

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Shepha

Write It! Hebrew

High Valyrian

Valyrian Dictionary

Hindi

Bhasha

Bluebird

Beelinguapp

Clozemaster

Drops

Hindwi Dictionary

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Hungarian

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Indonesian

Babbel

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Irish

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Collins Irish Dictionary

Drops

Easy Irish

Ling

Mango

Teanglann

Italian

Babbel

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Collins Italian Dictionary

Conjuu

Drops

Infinite Italian

Ling

Linga

Lingodeer

Lingopie

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Nextlingua

Oxford Italian Dictionary

Qlango

Japanese

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Drops

HeyJapan

Hiragana Quest

Infinite Japanese

kawaiiDungeon

Ling

Lingodeer

Lingopie

Lingvist

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Oyomi Japanese Reader

renshuu

Takoboto Japanese Dictionary

Todaii

Qlango

Write It! Japanese

Klingon

boQwl! Klingon Language

Klingon Translator

Write It! Klingon

Korean

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Drops

Hangul Quest

HeyKorea

Infinite Korean

Ling

LinGo Play

Lingopie

Lingodeer

Lingvist

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Write It! Korean

Latin

Bluebird

Cattus

Clozemaster

Collins Latin Dictionary

Grammaticus Maximus

Latinia

Legentibus

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Perdisco

Qlango

Vice Verba

Navajo

Navajo Language Renaissance

Navajo Language Program

Speak Navajo

Norwegian

Babbel

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Mjolnir Norwegian

Norskappen

Qlango

Polish

Babbel

Bluebird

Busuu

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Portuguese

Babbel

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Collins Portuguese Dictionary

Drops

Infinite Portuguese

Ling

Lingodeer

Lingopie

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Nextlingua

Qlango

Romanian

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Qlango

Russian

Babbel

Bluebird

Beelinguapp

Busuu

Clozemaster

Collins Russian Dictionary

Drops

Infinite Russian

Ling

Linga

LinGo Play

Lingopie

Lingodeer

Lingvist

LingQ

Mango

Mondly

Nextlingua

Qlango

Write It! Russian

Scottish Gaelic

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Go!Gaelic

Mango

Spanish

Babbel

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Bunpo

Busuu

Clozemaster

Collins Spanish Dictionary

ConjuGato

Conjuu

Drops

Infinite Spanish

Ling

Linga

Lingodeer

LinGo Play

Lingvist

LingQ

Listen Up

LyricsTraining

Mango

Mondly

Nextlingua

Say Something in Spanish

SpanishDict

Qlango

Xeropan

Swahili

Bluebird

Bui Bui Swahili App

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

LingQ

Mango

Nkenne

Swedish

Babbel

Beelinguapp

Bluebird

Clozemaster

Drops

Ling

LinGo Play

Lingvist

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bookishdiplodocus · 2 months ago

Text

The Neurodivergent Writer’s Guide to Fun and Productivity

(Even when life beats you down)

Look, I’m a mom, I have ADHD, I’m a spoonie. To say that I don’t have heaps of energy to spare and I struggle with consistency is an understatement. For years, I tried to write consistently, but I couldn’t manage to keep up with habits I built and deadlines I set.

So fuck neurodivergent guides on building habits, fuck “eat the frog first”, fuck “it’s all in the grind”, and fuck “you just need time management”—here is how I manage to write often and a lot.

Focus on having fun, not on the outcome

This was the groundwork I had to lay before I could even start my streak. At an online writing conference, someone said: “If you push yourself and meet your goals, and you publish your book, but you haven’t enjoyed the process… What’s the point?” and hoo boy, that question hit me like a truck.

I was so caught up in the narrative of “You’ve got to show up for what’s important” and “Push through if you really want to get it done”. For a few years, I used to read all these productivity books about grinding your way to success, and along the way I started using the same language as they did. And I notice a lot of you do so, too.

But your brain doesn’t like to grind. No-one’s brain does, and especially no neurodivergent brain. If having to write gives you stress or if you put pressure on yourself for not writing (enough), your brain’s going to say: “Huh. Writing gives us stress, we’re going to try to avoid it in the future.”

So before I could even try to write regularly, I needed to teach my brain once again that writing is fun. I switched from countable goals like words or time to non-countable goals like “fun” and “flow”.

Rewire my brain: writing is fun and I’m good at it

I used everything I knew about neuroscience, psychology, and social sciences. These are some of the things I did before and during a writing session. Usually not all at once, and after a while I didn’t need these strategies anymore, although I sometimes go back to them when necessary.

I journalled all the negative thoughts I had around writing and try to reason them away, using arguments I knew in my heart were true. (The last part is the crux.) Imagine being supportive to a writer friend with crippling insecurities, only the friend is you.

Not setting any goals didn’t work for me—I still nurtured unwanted expectations. So I did set goals, but made them non-countable, like “have fun”, “get in the flow”, or “write”. Did I write? Yes. Success! Your brain doesn’t actually care about how high the goal is, it cares about meeting whatever goal you set.

I didn’t even track how many words I wrote. Not relevant.

I set an alarm for a short time (like 10 minutes) and forbade myself to exceed that time. The idea was that if I write until I run out of mojo, my brain learns that writing drains the mojo. If I write for 10 minutes and have fun, my brain learns that writing is fun and wants to do it again.

Reinforce the fact that writing makes you happy by rewarding your brain immediately afterwards. You know what works best for you: a walk, a golden sticker, chocolate, cuddle your dog, whatever makes you happy.

I conditioned myself to associate writing with specific stimuli: that album, that smell, that tea, that place. Any stimulus can work, so pick one you like. I consciously chose several stimuli so I could switch them up, and the conditioning stays active as long as I don’t muddle it with other associations.

Use a ritual to signal to your brain that Writing Time is about to begin to get into the zone easier and faster. I guess this is a kind of conditioning as well? Meditation, music, lighting a candle… Pick your stimulus and stick with it.

Specifically for rewiring my brain, I started a new WIP that had no emotional connotations attached to it, nor any pressure to get finished or, heaven forbid, meet quality norms. I don’t think these techniques above would have worked as well if I had applied them on writing my novel.

It wasn’t until I could confidently say I enjoyed writing again, that I could start building up a consistent habit. No more pushing myself.

I lowered my definition for success

When I say that nowadays I write every day, that’s literally it. I don’t set out to write 1,000 or 500 or 10 words every day (tried it, failed to keep up with it every time)—the only marker for success when it comes to my streak is to write at least one word, even on the days when my brain goes “naaahhh”. On those days, it suffices to send myself a text with a few keywords or a snippet. It’s not “success on a technicality (derogatory)”, because most of those snippets and ideas get used in actual stories later. And if they don’t, they don’t. It’s still writing. No writing is ever wasted.

A side note on high expectations, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism

Obviously, “Setting a ridiculously low goal” isn’t something I invented. I actually got it from those productivity books, only I never got it to work. I used to tell myself: “It’s okay if I don’t write for an hour, because my goal is to write for 20 minutes and if I happen to keep going for, say, an hour, that’s a bonus.” Right? So I set the goal for 20 minutes, wrote for 35 minutes, and instead of feeling like I exceeded my goal, I felt disappointed because apparently I was still hoping for the bonus scenario to happen. I didn’t know how to set a goal so low and believe it.

I think the trick to making it work this time lies more in the groundwork of training my brain to enjoy writing again than in the fact that my daily goal is ridiculously low. I believe I’m a writer, because I prove it to myself every day. Every success I hit reinforces the idea that I’m a writer. It’s an extra ward against imposter syndrome.

Knowing that I can still come up with a few lines of dialogue on the Really Bad Days—days when I struggle to brush my teeth, the day when I had a panic attack in the supermarket, or the day my kid got hit by a car—teaches me that I can write on the mere Bad-ish Days.

The more I do it, the more I do it

The irony is that setting a ridiculously low goal almost immediately led to writing more and more often. The most difficult step is to start a new habit. After just a few weeks, I noticed that I needed less time and energy to get into the zone. I no longer needed all the strategies I listed above.

Another perk I noticed, was an increased writing speed. After just a few months of writing every day, my average speed went from 600 words per hour to 1,500 wph, regularly exceeding 2,000 wph without any loss of quality.

Talking about quality: I could see myself becoming a better writer with every passing month. Writing better dialogue, interiority, chemistry, humour, descriptions, whatever: they all improved noticeably, and I wasn’t a bad writer to begin with.

The increased speed means I get more done with the same amount of energy spent. I used to write around 2,000-5,000 words per month, some months none at all. Nowadays I effortlessly write 30,000 words per month. I didn’t set out to write more, it’s just a nice perk.

Look, I’m not saying you should write every day if it doesn’t work for you. My point is: the more often you write, the easier it will be.

No pressure

Yes, I’m still working on my novel, but I’m not racing through it. I produce two or three chapters per month, and the rest of my time goes to short stories my brain keeps projecting on the inside of my eyelids when I’m trying to sleep. I might as well write them down, right?

These short stories started out as self-indulgence, and even now that I take them more seriously, they are still just for me. I don’t intend to ever publish them, no-one will ever read them, they can suck if they suck. The unintended consequence was that my short stories are some of my best writing, because there’s no pressure, it’s pure fun.

Does it make sense to spend, say, 90% of my output on stories no-one else will ever read? Wouldn’t it be better to spend all that creative energy and time on my novel? Well, yes. If you find the magic trick, let me know, because I haven’t found it yet. The short stories don’t cannibalize on the novel, because they require different mindsets. If I stopped writing the short stories, I wouldn’t produce more chapters. (I tried. Maybe in the future? Fingers crossed.)

Don’t wait for inspiration to hit

There’s a quote by Picasso: “Inspiration hits, but it has to find you working.” I strongly agree. Writing is not some mystical, muse-y gift, it’s a skill and inspiration does exist, but usually it’s brought on by doing the work. So just get started and inspiration will come to you.

Accountability and community

Having social factors in your toolbox is invaluable. I have an offline writing friend I take long walks with, I host a monthly writing club on Discord, and I have another group on Discord that holds me accountable every day. They all motivate me in different ways and it’s such a nice thing to share my successes with people who truly understand how hard it can be.

The productivity books taught me that if you want to make a big change in your life or attitude, surrounding yourself with people who already embody your ideal or your goal huuuugely helps. The fact that I have these productive people around me who also prioritize writing, makes it easier for me to stick to my own priorities.

Your toolbox

The idea is to have several techniques at your disposal to help you stay consistent. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket by focussing on just one technique. Keep all of them close, and if one stops working or doesn’t inspire you today, pivot and pick another one.

After a while, most “tools” run in the background once they are established. Things like surrounding myself with my writing friends, keeping up with my daily streak, and listening to the album I conditioned myself with don’t require any energy, and they still remain hugely beneficial.

Do you have any other techniques? I’d love to hear about them!

I hope this was useful. Happy writing!

#writing advice #writing #novel writing #creative writing #spoonie #spoonie writing #neurodivergent #adhd #how to tell me a story #sanne

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