#we got netflix when i was like halfway through the series and then i switched to that

[dashiellqvverty]

whenever people start talking about a show being lost because theres nowhere to watch it on streaming and stuff everyone is always like “wow have these people never heard of piracy” which like, yeah, but also. have these people heard of DVDs and libraries

[cineflections]

Kdramas are all about the twist and turns and add to that ill-fated relationships across several lifetimes and blood galore, and you get a series that manages to engage the viewer for the full 16-episode count.

I'm, of course, talking about Bulgasal - immortal souls on Netflix.

This had been on my list on Netflix for ages it feels like. I love costume dramas, court intrigue and what not, and I truly thought this was going to be one such, the 2 first episodes fooled me enough that the first 5 minutes in modern time didn't put me off. But the switch to modern times was well done and served the plot well.

Having gotten a new hobby in embroidering, it was easy for me to get through the 16 hours without getting bored and itching to look up episode summaries that I often do with C- and K-dramas. Ofc, the plot itself is right up my alley.

Halfway done with this, first time cross stitching for like almost 20 years (damn, I feel old now) so I will accept any mistakes I make on this.

I was really impressed with the cinematography and costumes in the first 2 episodes (in particular, it was quite stellar throughout), it felt grounded and real, and having the monsters be "humans" (with modification) added to this grounded style. The series uses make-up and prosthetics rather than cgi (although i did notice some here ans there) for the monsters and "monsterfication" effects on our protagonist and I always appreciate when a show/movie does that.

The cast of characters are quite small and they are reused for the different times shown in the story - showing where each character ended up reincarnating. And the reason why they're connected each life is because like our Bulgasal Hwal has said a few times (paraphrasing heavily): ties of destiny are not easily broken, and will endure across time. We have two characters that start as siblings, become mother and son, to lastly be platonic roommates (happy surprise by this tbh, I thought for sure the show would make them lovers even to the last 5 minutes).

The beginning made it so easy to root for Hwal who has had to suffer throughout his whole life, and at the end of a particularly harrowing experienced left him with nothing except his life - which he, too, wanted to lose at that point - but immortality was forced upon him. Cursed to become Bulgasal - a monster that has no soul and drink human blood for sustenance.

The beginning of the show was so effective at making me like and sympathize with him and the people he loved, that the whiplash was quite hard when we are thrust into the POV of the woman who cursed him to become a monster, this time reincarnated as a young girl.

The girl in question living her life with her mom, twin sister, and younger sister, somewhere in Korea. The twin sister almost never leaving the apartment and forcing the girl, Sang-un, to wear a mask to cover her face "Because Bulgasal will come for them". It's a direct parallel to how Hwal grew up. Always afraid that Bulgasal would come and get him.

The viewer has followed Hwal on his quest for revenge, but then following the POV of the girl he hunted, I just couldn't get behind him killing them. I felt that him murdering the whole family would really sour him as a protagonist for me. I actually wondered how the show was going to justify him going through with it.

Spoilers: he didn't.

But we don't really find that out immediately. The show smartly continues the main POV of the girl Sang-un, now grown up, with some switches back to Hwal as we find him seemingly looking for the one who got away from his murder of Sang-un's twin sister and mother.

And when they finally meet, we find out that he was actually not responsible for their deaths. He was certainly aiming to kill the twin sisters and their entire family, but someone got there first.

The show at this point starts the classical enemies to lovers trope and starts bringing up the questions on how this apparent blood feud started. Why did Sang-un, as Bulgasal, kill his entire family and then curse him so she could become human? Why is Sang-un important when it was her (now dead) twin sister that remembered all of her past lives? And the eternal question: why is no one talking to each other about their issues.

Which is my main critique of this drama. It often hinges itself on characters acting from misunderstandings and ignorance. A character would not explain anything to another and then be surprised when that character doesn't listen to them. Again and again I felt like if they would just talk we wouldn't be in this situation. And then, in the last episode, we find out what started it all - and it's a misunderstanding! And it just escalates from there. It felt so cheap. The resolution to all the conflicts, I feel, was good enough to satisfy me. But when the show really tried hitting me with the "emotional damage", I guess I was partly checked out and didn't feel anything in particular. I would've loved a good cry.

The conflict resolution was bittersweet, but the ending montage made it just sweet. And while the "how" can be questions and critiqued, I find it was good it did end like that anyways. Makes its easier to let go.

Overall, I liked this drama, it was not as bloated with unnecessarily long shots every scene (tho it certainly could've have trimmed the almost Naruto style flashbacks and One Piece style reaction shots), and so the pacing felt quick and each scene felt like they had purpose. The music was reminiscent of HBO's Westworld at times (especially the softer notes) and I really liked the drums that signified the arrival of Bulgasal. The acting felt mostly genuine and real, with some exceptions (I kinda dislike the excessive "whining" or "aggressiveness" characters sometimes act when talking to each other, which happens in every kdrama I've watched, is that how they act in reality or is it for "TV-drama"?).

I wouldn't recommend this one if you're looking for a romantic story, there is a romance, but it's very toned down and develops naturally over the course of the series, but the romance is not the point of the story and conflict.

But I do recommend this one if you like a good plot with reincarnation and recurring destiny. With some twist and turns that feel earned and not like bullshit.

[nikkiwriteswords]

Hi! I would love to hear your thoughts/predictions/hopes for s3, now that we got the episode titles :D

Hey Nora!! Let me go grab my tua theory hat real quick. Spoiler alert, it looks exactly like the umbrella hat on the 3 right here:

Full disclosure, I've only got like a pinky toe in the tua fandom right now, but I'm still going to see what BS I can spin from these titles.

1. MEET THE FAMILY. The description on imdb is "The siblings get to know some more of the 43 children in an alternate timeline." So, I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Netflix likes to start things off with a bang, so s3 of TUA will probably be no different: we'll probably get a vague flashforward/flash-sideways to a "what if" scenario that will make sense by the last few episodes, and the rest of the episode will be sowing seeds for the s3 plot. The big question is, what family are we meeting? I think this episode will revolve around themes of family (no-brainer) and redefining the relationships between our Umbrella siblings in light of the season 2 finale, as well as their new Sparrow 'replacements'. To that end, initial Sparrow sibling parallels will be presented and subsequently complicated in this first episode. I also predict we'll see varying reactions to this alternate Reginald, as the Umbrella siblings are thrust into an outsider perspective that follows on from season 2.

2. WORLD'S BIGGEST BALL OF TWINE. This is going to be a multi-layered metaphor. I can feel it. It will no doubt refer to the plot that's about to unfold (is it an outside threat to both parties - the Umbrellas and Sparrows - from, say, the Commission, or is it more to do with the two rival Academies?), but I wonder if it also refers to the Wizard of Oz type scenario the Umbrella siblings find themselves in: they aren’t in Kansas anymore. (But you know what is in Kansas? The world's current biggest ball of twine.) Also kind of want to see Klaus knitting again in this ep - perhaps as a way to subtly re-address his ongoing addiction issues, especially now Ben is gone.

3. POCKET FULL OF LIGHTNING. This probably has to do with powers. Sparrow powers, Umbrella powers. There'll be a lot of new flexes in this season, so who this refers to is anyone's guess.

4. KUGELBLITZ. Here's where it starts to get interesting, because this title carries forward the subject of lightning from the last one. According to a very quick internet search, kugelblitz literally means "ball lightning" in German, and refers to both a) a glorified WW2 tank designed to take out aircraft (a certified Big Boi), and b) a theoretical black hole made from light/radiation rather than matter. So this is absolutely going to be a new, unseen power - probably from the Sparrows. Hopefully from Christopher because a cube executing a move named after a sphere just makes me chuckle. Ah, fun with shapes... But in addition, this power is probably going to pack a huge, debilitating punch to whatever narrative is underway at this point in the plot. I'll bet money that whoever wields this power is the tank character in their party or they are after this at least.

5. KINDEST CUT. This throws me back to the barber shop meta, I'm not gunna lie. Someone's going to get hurt, either physically or emotionally, and it's going to be the lesser of two evils. If it's a follow through on the barber metaphor, then Reggie will be the one to orchestrate it. Or, in a surprise twist, will he be the one gTetting hurt or being silenced? (Remember that cutthroat allegory that chases the siblings through the first season, particularly Allison and Klaus. It was about becoming voiceless.) 6.MARIGOLD. Big shout out to this post for spreading the word on the marigold symbolism. I'm pretty sure this will be Reginald backstory, which ties in with the creation of the Umbrella Academy. Also, because I'm a sucker for flower symbolism and reading into things, consider that marigolds:

a) fall into two families, the calendula which means "little clock" and the tagetes, which is named after the Etruscan prophet Tages. The Etruscans believed heavily in predestination - some events are set in stone, and cannot be changed. (Consider the way the apocalypse seems to always come for one set of siblings...) b) are named as such colloquially because they were offered in place of money to the Virgin Mary. (More divine imagery, and reference to a pure mother figure...) They are Mary’s gold. So maybe it’s a reference to Reginald’s wife, which would fit with the flashback scene we see in 1x10.  c) are a flower of duality. They have strong connections with the sun and resurrection, yet the marigold is thought to be a flower of grief because it blooms in autumn. Again, think about that flashback in the first season. At the end of the world and a wife dying, there was the promise of rebirth. d) It's also a very common flower. Remember, there's actually 43 siblings out there. We've only met 14.

Also Netflix loves to do this thing around the halfway point (usually episode 5/6) in a season they're producing. They'll switch up the narrative with a twist or turn that provides a new perspective. 7.AUF WEIDERSEHEN. Once again, a German connection. And, obviously, a goodbye. Considering the last season focused on Kennedy, are we going to get some earlier Cold War time-travel shenanigans? Or maybe WW2? I think Blackman has said something about the Berlin Wall, which is interesting. A country divided... Umbrellas and Sparrows allegory? But as an aside, I'm also kinda lowkey hoping it's a nod to Auf Weidersehen, Pet. If you don't know the show, here's the wiki summary for the first season:

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet is a British comedy-drama television programme about seven British construction workers who leave the United Kingdom to search for employment overseas. They find work on a German building site in Düsseldorf but despite promises of hostel accommodation, are forced to live in a small hut that reminds them of a World War II POW camp. The rest of the series is driven by the interactions and growing friendships between the various characters.

In episode seven, three of the “Magnificent Seven” visit an intercontinental hotel. Just saying. If s3 was to go this route, my money would be on Luther, Diego and Five getting up to shenanigans in this one. I miss 125 shenanigans.😢

8.WEDDING AT THE END OF THE WORLD. Honestly, I’m holding out hope that one of our fave siblings gets married. I feel like that’s a trap though... Actually I feel like it might actually be a trap. As in, this is when the rising action really kicks it up a notch. But also remember the title of 1x01: We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals. Maybe the siblings get split up, possibly in episode 3/4, and they’re trying to reunite through episodes 5-7. Also thinking about hotels and apocalypses...  There’s something very fatalistic about these titles so far. I have a feeling that the B-plot or the subtext is going to reveal a lot more about Reginald’s history and the destruction of his world.

9. SIX BELLS. This makes me think of church bells, which is some nice continuity with the wedding of the last title. But church bells are rung for all sorts of reasons - as a call to worship, or in celebration or mourning, or to tell the time. (Thinking back to those marigolds suddenly.) But why six? Now I’m thinking of bell ringing (change ringing), and the way different bells have different cord lengths to control the time of their chimes. It’s a highly mathematical process. Will this episode be Five’s time to shine? Will he coordinate his siblings through a large attack? 10. OBLIVION. Does anything even need to be said about this one? Hotel Oblivion baby ✌✌ Any further theorising would require more knowledge of the coming plot tbh.

Edit: I wrote most of this at 2am, so I’ve just tidied it up a little. Thank you for the ask, Nora! This was fun to think about. 

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Rose Red’s All Hallows Eve: Shall We Go Inside?

Summary- 5.3k Charles Blackwood x You. You were sent a ticket to the exclusive fund raiser at Rose Red on Halloween Night. You are to visit the character Charles Blackwood, played by your forever crush Sebastian Stan. He supposed to take you on a tour of the famous haunted manor, claiming it to be the home of his Aunt Ellen Rimbauer and Uncle Wilford Rimbauer. What a once in a life time opportunity! You might just never want to leave. 

Warnings- its a ghost story, creepy descriptions, mentions of suicide, death. 

A/N- written as my last submission to @jtargaryen18​ Haunted House 2020. This will be the final piece I write for Rose Red’s All Hallows Eve, and I hope you all enjoy a glimpse and some back story of Rose Red that wasn’t given in the Curtis chapters. The story is from Stephen King’s Rose Red which was a TV mini series. Excellent Halloween movie if you can find it. Its hard to locate now. Dividers made by @firefly-graphics​ Happy Reading and Haunting. 😈🎃🌹

Masterlist

You couldn’t get over your good fortune when you checked your mailbox that morning. Inside was an envelope, with wispy handwriting with no return address. When you opened it, there was a ticket, an exclusive ticket to the Rose Red All Hallows Eve charity function. 

Your jaw dropped, cause even though you had been trying everything to secure a ticket for months, no one would sell you one. And you tried finding scalped tickets, willing to take a chance for one, only to be turned down. It was an invite-only, only the elite were getting to tour the mansion and meet some of their favorite movie actors in their darker roles. 

Your hands trembled as you brought the ticket closer, reading the fine print to see which person you were getting to meet. Not that you were picky, you would take the chance to meet anyone. Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Frank Grillo, Scarlett Johnson, or Chris Hemsworth. Just being able to get into the mansion was worth all the months of begging and trying just about anything for tickets. 

Your eyes roved back and forth, trying to pick up a name when you saw the fine print announcing that you would be escorted around Rose Red by Charles Blackwood from We Have Always Lived In The Castle. You gave a little squee of excitement, having really wanted to meet Sebastian Stan. What a better character on Halloween night then the devious cousin Charles. Your plans for tonight went from working on a project for your boss to getting red wine drunk and watching the movie on Netflix to get reacquainted with Charles Blackwood. Research, of course, you didn’t want to be meeting the famous “Charles” without having done your research after all. Happy in a way you haven’t been in a while, you went to pour your wine and binge, wishing you had someone to call to tell your news to. But you were a bit of a loner and didn’t tend to connect with people. 

But whatever, this well this was going to be the best Halloween yet for you. No getting sloppy drunk in a bar to bring home some wanna be cowboy or that one time you brought home a clown. A disgusted shudder went through you at the memory. That wasn’t a Halloween you were particularly proud of. Not this year though, this time you were going to one of the most haunted places in New York and seeing Sebastian Stan. Wonder what it would take to bring him home? Making yourself grin like an idiot, as your major fan girl crush made your heart race. You poured almost the entire bottle of red wine in the goblet. 

“How did the saying go? Treat Yo Self.” Lifting the glass you took a rather large swallow.

Charles stood at the entrance, waiting for the next patron he was to bring through the mansion. They should be arriving soon, the time on the ticket said 11 pm sharp. Waiting at the gate, his back leaned against the cold stone of the wall and his gaze fell upwards to see a bit of green creeping over the wall, sprouting thorns sharper than any dagger. Charles hummed softly with a bit of a smirk to see the creeping vine, a small bud twisted as it grew in size. The bigger it got, the more it tinted from green to blood red, and it spiraled open to a single rose. Reaching up, he pinched the stem, clipping it off and bringing it down to admire it. The perfect petals are just as soft as a woman's lips when he brushed his fingertip along one, and when a thorn bit into his palm, he hissed at the sting, that too just like a woman. Don’t respect her, and she will cut you down. Blood welled up and spilled towards the ground before he brought his palm to his mouth and sucked it clean, inspecting to make sure there wasn’t any of the thorn left in his palm. Snipping off the thorns, he let them scatter into the gravel under his feet. 

Charles was fixing the rose into his shirt pocket, when you started to come out from between parked cars, your hands smoothing against your thighs with a bit of nerve and you just looked so innocently sweet. The corner of his mouth quirked up while he inspected you. She’s a perfect choice, he thought maliciously as his features shifted to warm and welcoming. “Welcome Dear to Rose Red, my family's Manor. My name is Charles Blackwood.” Plucking out that flower from his shirt pocket, he gave a slight bow and held it out for you. Your giggle went right through him, making his toes curl in his shiny black Louboutin’s all the way to the base of his neck where his expensive Tom Ford collar rubbed. You looked up at him with a touch of innocence that should make him feel bad, but it didn’t. 

You dug out your ticket and showed them to Charles Blackwood, which he inspected closely and pulled out his wallet to pocket it. You bubbled with excitement and lifted the rose he had just given you to your nose, letting the tip brush against the edges of the petals. “Thank you. I shall press it to dry it when I get home Sebastian. But I have no place to put it.” You started to figure out a way to hold onto it and not get it ruined when he took it back and wedged it into the stone wall behind him. 

“It will be safe here Dear, and Charles, please. I don’t know this Sebastian you call me.” He gave a wink and you nod in understanding. It was supposed to be just the characters showing you around. So it made sense that you were supposed to call him Charles, not Sebastian. You bit your lip and nodded. 

“Of course, Sorry Charles.” you loved how well he fell into character, offering his arm to you that you curled your hand around his forearm, falling into step together once you two went through the iron-wrought gate. 

“No harm is done, Dear. I’m very excited to show you around my Uncle and Aunts family home for the evening. It’s not often I have such a lovely woman on my arm.” He leads you up the stairs and opens the massive door to the mansion. “After You. There are a few groups inside, but we won’t be running into them.”

Your head tips back to look all around, taken in by the deep wooden double staircase sweeping up to the upper floors, gleaming marble floors and a crystal chandelier that as you and Charles walked underneath it, you couldn't help but tip your head back, mesmerized by the glinting of the crystalline shards. “One of Ellen's nicer finds. She had the chandelier shipped from France, each crystal carefully wrapped.” 

“This whole place, it looks completely restored. I thought it was condemned, banned from the public?” You question as he leads you into what looks like a sitting room, another room that spoke of decadence, with plush chairs around a large fireplace that seemed to take up half the wall, large vibrant persian rugs sat atop rich wooden floors, and in the glow of the lamps light up around the room showed carvings in the wall, cherubs dancing amongst vines and roses. You shuddered a bit looking at them high above you in the molding. The innocence of them felt wrong in this place, malicious. 

Charles directed you towards a small staircase that went halfway up the room, climbing while answering your question. “Ahh yes. Well it is technically. But I have been told that Rose Red might be reopening soon to the public. For tours, the occasional overnight ghost investigations.” 

Once you two reached the landing, you saw the ornate dollhouse. Charles was able to turn it around on a turnstyle stand, and flicked a switch, lighting up the inside. Leaning down, you peeked inside in awe. It was a perfect replica of the house, the lower levels showed a large massive kitchen, sitting rooms, library, offices. Then up the stairs a ballroom of sorts, another library, bedrooms, and other odd rooms that seemed to serve no purpose. 

“This is beautiful.” You muttered and straightened, clasping your hands behind your back to keep from picking up the matching furniture to look closer. 

“My Great Aunt Ellen had this made for her daughter April, who was confined to Rose Red due to her bad health. She was a lonely child, her father sending her older brother off to boarding school. Wilford wanted little to do with his daughter. She had a deformity to her arm from birth. Withered. He would have disowned April, but Ellen wouldn't allow that. Upstairs, is a whole play room dedicated to her.” He pointed to a corner of the upstairs, which you peeked in to see a soft pink rose colored room filled with toys and dolls for a little girl. 

“What was wrong with April, to cause her to have a withered arm?” you asked and Charles shrugged. 

“It's said that Wilford wasn't faithful during his and Ellen's honeymoon, passed on a exotic disease to Ellen. She was ravaged in the years following their return to Rose Red. Which was also a honeymoon gift. He promised her anything she wanted. So the two years they were gone Rose Red was being built by one of the largest crew of men seen at the time. They even installed a train to bring in supplies from the harbor.” 

Charles directed you down the stairs to go look out a window, and far off beyond what looked like a greenhouse was a large train, like a black ghost of the past, rusting away under the vines wrapped around the engine. Squinting you could have sworn you saw a couple of women following a lantern down the path. “Rose Red experienced the first deaths with that crew. The train was derailed, killing hundreds of men on the grounds at once.” 

You shuddered while pulling away your gaze from the train. “How awful.” 

“How awful indeed.” Charles nodded, and tilted his head. “Some believe that such a massive tragedy stains the land, maybe what brought the house to life. Come, some of the more interesting rooms are upstairs.” 

Crossing the room for the massive grand staircase. “Do you actually believe that Charles?” 

“No, no I believe something else powers this house. I have my theories.” Charles gave a secretive smile, the two of you started up the many flights of stairs. He gave a bit more history of the house, including the most recent events that officially shut the doors for good to all further investigations till now. “A team of psychics led by a college professor came in. There were four men and five women with varying abilities. One woman disappeared, one died when she refused to leave, and two men died on the property during that weekend.” 

You pulled up a bit hearing this, closing your arms around yourself as if to protect you, like that could protect you. “Wait, should anyone even be here?” You said fearfully, and Charles looked back at you with a reassuring smile. 

“I assure you the house is dormant. The state of New York wouldn't allow us to have a charity here unless it was perfectly safe. I myself have been here many times.” His voice was smooth and confident, letting you relax a bit. Giving a nervous chuckle, you eased back into holding onto the crook of his arm, his other hand patting yours. He dropped a gentle kiss on your cheek. “I will keep you safe, this is my family's home.” 

After several flights of stairs, Charles led you into a massive hallway, doors lining each side. The symmetry while looking down the hall gave the illusion of it going on forever, you could just barely see the end of the hallway, or maybe it was getting smaller the further along it went. “This place is trippy.” You muttered to yourself but Charles happened to hear you. 

“Yes, it was purposely designed by Ellen this way. She had her own way of doing things that didn't necessarily make sense to anyone else.” He studied doors as you two went along, your eyes kept roving up to see what looked like the ceiling slowly getting lower when he turned you towards a door. “Ahh, the first room on our tour of interest. As I said, Aunt Ellen, well she got creative when designing rooms.”  

Opening a door, you went in and quickly paused as you weren’t entirely sure what you were looking at. Before you were upside down lights, standing upright, and covered in dust and cobwebs. What bothered you looking at them was that they should be hanging above you and that's when you tilted your head up to look above. Unlike any room you've been in before, desks were hanging above you, each one set up to have someone sitting at it as a chair was tucked in. Trays for papers, cups with pencils. It was just what you would expect to see in an office above you. Out of instinct you jumped back, half expecting it all to come crashing down, just to have yourself bmp into Charles' chest, making him chuckle as he embraced you gently. “Easy Dear, it's all safe.” 

You took a few steps away from him with an apology, your head tilted back to look around. “What in the world?” 

Charles, strolled along next to you, hands in his slacks, as he looked up at it all, chuckling. “Aunt Ellen's idea of a joke to her husband. He didn't seem to appreciate it as much as she did. Really it was just another room to show off to guests who came to visit.” You couldn't stop gaping at the details, wandering away from Charles who remained at the door. Even the walls had bookshelves filled with books, reading chairs above your head. 

“I will be right outside, take your time.” Charles slipped out, leaving the door open while you paced over to get a better look. A lamp clicked on to your surprise right above your head, and what your eyes saw made you jump back and yelp. Sitting in the chair on the ceiling looked to be a woman in a cocktail dress, her head tilted back. Decaying grey skin peeling and black hollow sockets where eyes should be was matched with a gaping smile. “Come now dear, don't be shy. You are the newest guest right?” Her head tilted and creaked, giving you what was once probably a seductive smile, but now the lips were stretched too tight and split to show decayed teeth beyond them. You stumbled back into a chandelier that was on the floor, and fell to your backside. Looking back up, the lamp above you was back off, and the chair empty. “CHARLES!” You push off the floor and run to the door, wrenching it open to stumble back into the hallway that Charles catches you as you fall into him. “What's wrong?” 

“I just saw- well I think I saw- there was a person, a woman sitting up there. But not a woman, she was rotting, old clothes.” Your words stumbled out as Charles straightened you back up. 

“Sounds like you ran into one of Rose Reds resident ghosts, Deanna. A famous actress who went missing while freshening up during one of Ellen’s parties.” 

You looked over your shoulder at the door and moved away from it. “Why is she here?” 

Charles rubbed on your arm, to calm you a bit. “She never returned to the party that night. Local police came out and searched the entire grounds for days. But she never recovered. You're pretty shaken, do you wish to continue?” 

You gave a chuckle and rubbed at your hands against your thighs to dispel the nervous energy. You should go, hell your heart was hammering so bad that you might just keel over any minute. No one was ever to see any actual ghosts on these things. Then that's when it occurred to you, side eyeing ‘Charles’. Sebastian was perfectly staying in character, that all this was. Actors, all of it. You almost laughed at yourself for getting caught up in the whole Halloween spook.  

“Yes… I just. I cant believe there are actual ghosts here.” you played along with a shrug, brushing yourself off where you fell in the dusty room. 

“Rose Red is full of many surprises.” Charles smiled in that charming way of his and offered his arm to yours. “Aunt Ellen, well she had a taste for the macabre. Holding frequent seances without her husband's knowledge, as he was away often. It's bound to attract some… interesting energy in a place like this.” 

He seemed to be counting doors, and you were right at his side, willing your hammering heart to calm down. “You're not going to leave me alone again, right?” you worried your fingers into his sleeve, as if weaving him closer, to not let him go. Sure they were just actors playing a part, really good actors. You couldn't begin to guess how they got her to sit upside down like that on the ceiling, but there was nothing to be scared of. 

“No, I'm surprised that the house is actually this active tonight. Maybe it's all the people passing through for the charity. But you're perfectly safe. I assure you.” Another door opened and you hesitated while stepping in. 

The floor shimmered oddly to you at first, till you looked down and went stock still. You were standing on a mirror, the whole floor stretched out in a mirror, and all you could do was picture you stepping on it, and it shattered. Charles took several strides forward, and chuckled softly. “It's perfectly safe. This glass is made to be walked on.” 

You take a few precautionary steps and chuckle. “Another one of Ellen's jokes?” 

“Yes, she took great pleasure trying to come up with oddities to fill the house.” 

You continue being mesmerized with the mirrored floor, watching as you walk across it. “Why? Why so many odd rooms?” 

Charles hummed a bit, tipping back and forth on his heels to toes, watching as you sweep across the floor, grinning to yourself in such an innocent moment. “Well, after April disappeared, Ellen is said to have lost her mind. She claimed that Rose Red must never stop growing. It's in fact true that no one really knows how many rooms Rose Red has. At this point there are rooms like these, staircases that go to nowhere, hallways that narrow to where you have to crawl through. Doors that lead to the outside on these upper floors. It is easy to get turned around here. Rooms seemingly from nowhere appear still. They are not on any official floor plans.” 

You gulp and shake your head. “It all sounds… so unreal. Rooms building themselves? Impossible.” 

“One would think.” Charles chuckles. “But every time it is attempted to be documented, and then when it's double checked, nothing adds up. There’s missing rooms that seemed to have disappeared, only to have reappeared elsewhere, another staircase, the halls won't match up.” 

You paused, still looking down at yourself in the mirror. “You said April disappeared?” 

“Oh yes, she was playing in the main kitchen under the watch of one of the staff. The woman walked from the kitchen to collect something for just a moment. When she came back, April was gone, her beloved doll abandoned on the floor. After a search, again, the staff was brought to the police barracks. She was unable to leave after the questioning.” 

“So they arrested her?” You start to feel cold, chills creeping up the back of your neck like a light touch, sweeping up your back and to the base of your hairline. You reached behind to rub at your neck uneasily. 

Charles seemed to not notice your discomfort, sliding his gaze from you and around the room. “Oh no, they didn't arrest her. No, she was beaten to get a confession as to what she had done with April. Ellen swore her innocence, but Uncle Wilford… oh he paid them to get it out, by whatever means necessary. Her injuries were too severe. She ended up dying here once they finished with her and brought her back, another victim of Rose Red in a way, I suppose.” 

You couldn't help the sadness that seemed to overwhelm you hearing the story. 

“In fact this room also has its own tragedy. Wilford’s brother who also happened to be his business partner hung himself here. From… that light fixture actually.” Charles pointed up at it, but you were looking at its reflection, and the light fixture swayed, a rope tied around it. A heavy set man all blue colored hung at the end of the creaking rope, his feet twitching and his tongue bulging from his mouth. Your eyes shoot up to see nothing above Charles. 

Charles himself gives you an odd look, and you look back in the mirror, he's still there, a swollen hand reaching out as if to grasp you. 

Your own hand was shaking as you pointed down at the mirrored floor. “Right there! You don't see it Charles?!” Your finger points near his feet, in which he looks down and it all seems to disappear. At the same moment, it felt like a heavy rope slid around your neck, and tightened all in a second making you gasp. Your hands fly to your neck, trying to pry at the noose that isn't actually there. When you collapse to your knees, trying to drag in a breath, you happen to see a little girl, in various stages of decay, a withered arm clutching a doll against her chest waved at you from across the room near the door, and an older woman in the same state standing next to her with an arm around her shoulders, merely watching you struggle for air. Your vision started to go in and out, the burning in your lungs now first and foremost in your mind. Charles stepped into your view, kneeling down next to you and you focused on him. 

“Hey! Hey! Y/N, what's wrong.” He yanked your hands away to check your neck, and you were suddenly able to take a gasp of air with a frightened sob, curling yourself in closer to him, and your arms going around his neck. 

“Get me outta here please! I don't want to be in this house anymore.” 

Charles moved to a stand, his hands grasping yours and pulled you to a stand. “Okay, we will end the tour here.” Hurrying you along, you both shoot into the hallway and turn to head back to the main stairway when at the end of the hallway, when the woman you had seen in the upside down room beckoned you two to her. “Come child, the parties this way, I just need to go freshen up, get you dressed for the party.” 

You pulled up sharply in fear with a panicked scream, and Charles spun you around. “This way, there's another staircase at the end of the hall.” 

Now your running with Charles to get away, every door and corner you two ran into became a blur. Once in a while a door would open, some nightmare of a person beckoning you to step in and join them, child like giggles echoes around you or hisses of your name just out of sight made you try to run faster, gasping for air as your lungs burned from running through the endless hallway. Charles was getting winded as well when he came to a staircase but that too was also blocked. This time with a wailing woman, her eyes rolled back to just the whites and clutching her purse to her chest, a dress looked like it had been shredded. Her skin was wrinkled and paper thin looking, what remained of her clothing something from a decade earlier. “I was just here to tour the house, can you show me the way out?” she screamed at you two, below her on the stairs were others, begging to be shown the way out. Now you froze, your mind in shock. 

Charles yanked on your wrist to pull you away as you teetered on the edge of the stairs, continuing to another hallway. 

“The servant's stairs are this way. They lead through the kitchen.” Charles rattled a door knob trying to get it to open, and you looked over his shoulder when there was a flash in your peripheral vision. The carpet in the hallway rolled as if something was racing underneath it, and of course, it was coming right for the two of you. 

“Oh fuck, Charles, Hurry it up” Your hand grasps the handle to, yanking on it. “CHARLES IT'S COMING.” You scream, feeling the weight of panic crushing your chest whenever you looked up, whatever was coming for you was speeding up, flapping dust up from the carpet into the air and you screamed when it was almost on you. The door yanked open for you both to fall in, and slam it behind you, leaving you and Charles in the pitch dark. 

“Oh god, fuck, get us out of here Sebastian.” dropping his characters name, you were over this fun house of hell crap they had made for the charity. 

“What do you think I'm doing?!” He snapped, losing his cool control as he fisted his hand through his hair, taking deep dragging breaths. “Once you hit the kitchen, the door is to your left.” You both start racing down the stairs, trying to be as quick as possible without falling and when you reached that door, you yanked it open and sprinted into the room, expecting to see a stove, cupboards, tables, anything. 

But that's not what you came into, you crashed into a whole other room. Confusion blurs your mind when you take in the attic like dusty interior. Spinning around, a couple times trying to make sense of it. 

“AN ATTIC? WE WERE RUNNING DOWNSTAIRS, NOT UP!” You twist to go back out the door, but Charles slams it shut, and throws a bolt. 

“Oh no Dear, were just where we need to be.” Charles smoothed his hair back, the panicked demeanor completely gone as he fixed his appearance. You backed away from him, licking your lips and panting with a wheeze. 

“I d-d-d-don't understand why we are up here, how we got up here. I want to leave.” Your foot comes down as if you're about to throw a tantrum. “Now. I demand you to take me out of this, keep my money. I don't care Sebastian, I'm all done with this game.” 

Charles crooks a brow, and smirks, striding in close in which you panic and back up further. 

“As I told you before Sweetheart, I don't know who Sebastian is. And there is no leaving. Rose Red needs you, needs you to grow.” 

“To grow? Your fucking crazy.” You start to look for another way out, and your back comes up to a large stained glass window. The famous stained glass Rose that adorned the front of the Manor. 

“Yes, Ellen is still building, don't you see. She needs to feed, and as her great nephew it's my duty to keep her alive.” 

He’s fucking lost it. Hollywood has snapped Sebastian's mind. 

“Just let me go, I swear Seb-” His eyes snapped at you. “Charles… I won't say anything.” 

“Auntie, do you want to let her go?” he asked with a cold grin. “You want to keep building Rose Red right? Keep building for April?” 

Your eyes darted around trying to figure out who he was talking to. But there was seemingly no one there. 

“I will donate more, give you money to keep building.” You felt around your pockets and pulled out your wallet, yanking out your billfold. “See a card.” tossing it at him in the delirious hopes that would appease him. He simply stepped over it. 

“That won't work darling. Auntie Ellen, she needs other materials.” That cold touch you felt before in the mirror room, made you jolt, and you spun away from Charles to see the decaying little girl with her withered arm folded up against her chest. 

“Play with me and baby?” the girl asked, her withered decayed hand shaking as she reached out to touch you.

You reared back and stumbled away to keep her from touching you, momentarily forgetting about Charles till you landed smack into his chest and a forearm locked around your neck. “Why are you scared of cousin April. She just wants to play?” He sneered into your ear, and you started clawing at his arm and trying to kick at him. 

How did you get here, and maybe this was some crazy dream. Your gasping the more his arms tighten, giving one hard clawing motion on his face  when you reach back and kick backwards to cause you both to tumble. 

“You little bitch.” Charles twists to grab at you while you're crawling away, and you kick back one more time, catching him in the shoulder hard enough for him to let go of your foot. 

“Fuck off Prick.” you scream, and yank yourself up, about to run towards the door. You're so close to going back into that hellish fun house when you are stopped right in your tracks, like hitting a wall. 

The lady of the manor stood before you, long off white gown clinging to a corpse. She would have been beautiful once upon a time as your eyes roved her up and down, like all those pictures you saw when you googled Rose Red before your trip, but now she was a nightmare, you stuttering before her with a whimper. “Please... please let me go.” 

“But Dear, Rose Red needs you.” Her voice had a tinkling sound to it, meant to soothe.  

Her brown leathery skin that clung to a skeletal frame creaked when her bony clawed hands cupped your face in a loving gesture, and your terror filled eyes lifted to see her lip less mouth showed what appeared to be fangs. Pale dead eyes softened for a moment, until her claws sunk into your face, tearing through skin and muscle, piercing your skull and her mouth widened to a fang filled gaping rotten hole. 

This is it, this is how I die. Your mind screamed in terror as she descended on you, your vision going dark, and your life just draining away. The pain fades, and your eyes roll back to see nothing. The last thing you will experience in your life, the overwhelming scent of fresh roses. 

Charles wiped at his face when he came to, looking around the attic and seeing nothing more than your still body. Moving to get himself up, muttering to himself. “Fucking bitch, got my suit all dirty.” He walked past your body, and looked to see his aunt picking up a hammer, April standing next to her playing with her doll. 

“I know, more souls for you to feed on Auntie.” He opened the door and made to go back down the stairs, his decaying aunt giving a slight nod in agreement. 

Whistling as he safely strolled through Rose Red, he made his way out the front door, and down the walkway back towards the iron wrought gate. Once he returned, he leaned back against that stone wall, feet crossing at the angle and reaching up to pluck that red rose he had placed there earlier, twirling it back and forth. 

Within ten minutes a couple young women strolled up to him, and he gave them a flirtatious smile, and held out the rose to one of them. “Ladies, welcome to Rose Red Manor, my family home and one of the most haunted sites in New York. My name is Charles Blackwood. Can I have your tickets please?” 

[retrievablememories]

caffeine run | johnny

title: caffeine run pairing: johnny x reader genre: fluff summary: johnny stays over at your place for the first time and neither of you get any sleep—but not for the reasons you might expect. word count: 1.3k a/n: this is the first installment of the nct 127 sleepover series! some of these writings will be drabbles, others will be fics, some will be smut, others fluff, some take place at the boys’ dorm and others will be at reader’s place...it all just depends lol. i tried to keep this at drabble length but i always write too much 🗿

[10:30 p.m.]

“Please make me some coffee, Johnny,” you ask, clinging to his arm and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. 

Looking away from his phone, Johnny laughs and pats your head. “Now? It’s so late, you won’t be able to go to sleep…”

“It doesn’t matter, this is our first time spending the night together...we should make it fun by staying up all night. Plus, coffee tastes better when you make it.”

“It’s the same coffee you drink all the time...but if you insist.” He kisses your cheek and heads over to the kitchen to start. Hanging over the back of the couch, you point at one of the uppermost cabinets.

“Use the French press you got me!”

“Of course, your majesty. Any more requests?”

“Umm—use the kitty mug, please.” He laughs, finding the black cat-shaped mug on one of your cabinet shelves. It has adorable yellow eyes, and the cat’s curved tail serves as the cup’s handle. “Don’t make fun of me, I got it for Halloween!”

Soon enough, you and Johnny are huddled on the couch together with your respective cups of coffee, watching some late night TV show that you’ve already forgotten the name of. That doesn’t matter much to you, though, as long as you have your best friend and partner with you.

Just as Johnny predicted, you’re still too wired up to sleep even as your clock’s digital numbers switch to 1 a.m. He watches as you toss, turn, and fidget on the couch, changing your position every few moments. He shakes his head, a grin inching across his face.

“Do you want to do something? You seem...restless.”

You look away from the TV immediately, shooting up from your reclining position so you’re sitting face-to-face with him. “Let’s go on a drive. But let’s take your car, I might crash if I get behind the wheel right now.” Johnny makes a face at that and shakes his head again.

“We should get changed, then.” 

You and Johnny are in your street clothes a few minutes later, hopping into his car and hitting the brightly lit roads of Seoul. 

“Where should we go? Or do you wanna just drive?” Johnny asks, placing his hand on your knee. You still internally swoon whenever he pulls that move, and the caffeine has you giggling more than you expected to.

“We should go to...a park or something. I wanna see some birds ‘n shit.”

Johnny snorts. “I don’t how how many birds we’ll see at night, but okay, the park it is.”

You two come across a fairly small public park not too long after. It’s deserted at this time of night, the only inhabitants being a bunch of trees, some benches, and a playset with swings. Silently, you’re glad it’s just you two, because you’re most certainly not the only couple who’s had the idea to come to this out-of-the-way park at night, and you’d rather not run up on anyone with their pants down.

“Come on,” you say, pulling Johnny along to the swingset. You get him to push you on the swing, and you soar so high that you feel like your feet could touch the tops of the trees. When you’ve had your fill, you do the same for him for a while; then you both attempt to zoom down the tiny slide. Johnny has a little more trouble fitting his large form onto the small slide and tips over the side of it halfway down, which makes you shout with laughter—loud enough to send a nearby owl flying out of a tree.

“Wow, didn’t know that little guy was there,” Johnny says, getting to his feet and dusting his pants off. “I guess whatever else is out here got a good look at me busting my ass.”

You both head back to your place once you feel like you’ve tired yourself out enough to sleep, but once you change into your pajamas, you get a second wind of energy out of nowhere. You’re suddenly wide awake again and painfully bored.

You walk out of the bathroom and into your room, where Johnny is already sitting on your bed ready to sleep. You lean against the doorframe and give him a pitiful look, sighing loudly. “Johnny, I’m not sleepy anymore.”

Johnny whines, checking the time on his phone—it’s 3:05 a.m. now. The caffeine’s effects are already wearing off for him, but although he can feel the tiredness setting in, he decides to stay up with you. “What’s next? I’m not changing clothes again, so please don’t say another drive.”

You look around your room for something you can do to pass the time when you spot your nail polishes on the dresser. Walking over to them, you gather a few in your hands and bat your eyelashes at Johnny. “Sweet boyfriend of mine, would you do something for me?”

Johnny gives you a wary look. “I’m almost afraid to ask...what is it?”

“Let me paint your nails,” you say, taking a few steps closer. Johnny throws his head back and laughs.

“Oh God, all the guys are gonna laugh at me for days.” Johnny pretends to be upset, but his smile gives away his true feelings. “Fine, go ahead; make me pretty!”

Dancing with glee, you gather the rest of the necessary things and climb onto the bed with Johnny. He offers you his hands and lets you color his nails different shades—black, blue, and pink—while he plays music on his phone. His eyes flutter shut every so often from tiredness, but he keeps himself awake to see your final masterpiece.

“Wow, such professional work,” he says, smiling as he checks out his finished fingernails. “Maybe you should be my new makeup artist.”

“Too much pressure,” you laugh, putting away the nail polish bottles while Johnny blows on his nails. “But maybe I can give you a little makeover whenever you come over.”

“That would be fun…” Johnny stifles a yawn, his eyes widening when he sees it’s already 4 a.m. “Are you tired yet?”

You stretch your arms toward the ceiling and shake your head. “Ugh. No. Maybe we could watch a movie.” You can almost see the bags under Johnny’s eyes get heavier at that. “Aww, baby. You don’t have to stay up with me the whole time, you know?” You come back over to the bed so you can push his shoulders and make him lie down, though Johnny resists your advances and throws you onto the mattress, making you scream.

“I’m the one who gave you the coffee, I’m staying up too!” Johnny argues, tickling your sides until you have tears in your eyes. “It’s fine, really. I don’t mind. We agreed we were gonna spend all night together, didn’t we?” He leans down to kiss your lips.

“You’re right.” You giggle, stroking his face in an unexpectedly intimate moment. Johnny lays a few more kisses across your face before letting you get up to switch on Netflix on your TV. He settles in beside you, telling you to choose whichever movie you want.

Hours later, you’ve both shifted from your sitting positions to lie on top of the comforter, too exhausted to pull the sheets back. You rest your head on Johnny’s chest, finally tired enough to go to sleep. 

The bright sounds of birds chirping ring outside your window, along with the sounds of cars driving past sporadically. The last Netflix movie has only just ended, the credits scrolling across your screen. It’s 9 a.m. 

Johnny groans and throws his hand over his eyes to block the sun filtering through your blinds; when that proves futile, he turns his body away entirely, curling himself around you. Before you drift off, you hear him speak softly, his voice rough from sleep deprivation.

“Okay...maybe we shouldn’t do this again.”

[trillian-anders]

chambers - xiii

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: violence, angst, slow burn

word count: 3748

description: post-endgame. Steve Rogers has passed away from old age. The one remarkable thing is that no one knew his heart would be in the condition it was. He was able to save one more life. After receiving his heart, strange things start happening. Including something that would change your life forever. (Inspired by the Netflix series of the same name.)

Bucky Barnes was a patient man. He learned his patience through trials that no one should have to face. He could wait, but it seemed like right now he couldn’t get back to the compound fast enough. “Hurry up,” He scolded the dash, pushing the throttle further against the board. 

“That’s as fast as she can go,” Sam rationed, “We’re getting there as fast as we can.” His voice was tense. Bucky could tell he was anxious to get back too. 

Bucky’s heart was racing, palms sweating, throat dry. If Zemo got his hands on you, if he hurt you, Bucky’s metal knuckles groaned in protest with the shift, his fist clenching impossibly tight. 

It was dark and hard to see, but what was easy to see was the smoke billowing out of the few smashed windows on the side of the building. Agents left behind, too early in their training were on the grass outside running an emergency protocol, putting out the fire that raged on the Avengers floor. 

The jet landed hard against the ground, seat belts ripped off and both soldiers were on the ground before the ramp fully extended. “I’ll do a scan inside.” Redwing shot from Sam’s back, flying steadily into the smoke and disappearing from sight. 

Eric. Bucky’s throat constricted as the man ran up to him, panting. 

“Have you seen Y/N?” Eric asked, trying to catch his breath. Bucky had to swallow his emotions, the anger seeping out through his pores. 

“Have you?” He snapped. Eric shook his head, ignoring Bucky’s anger, looking desperately back at the building. He was covered in soot, the sleeve of his shirt singed. He smelled of smoke and the faintest smell of gasoline. 

“It’s clear.” Sam said, the drone speeding back out from the smoke and clicking back into place behind him. 

“We saw the jet take off right before the fire started.” Eric said, hands on his hips. Bucky and Sam exchanged a look. 

“We should go.” Bucky looked back at the building before them, flames now tamed, water spilling down the sides. 

“So you know where she is?” Eric asked hopefully. “I text her, but she hasn’t answered. I just want to make sure she’s okay.” 

“She’s fine.” Sam glanced down at his phone, shooting off a text. “Your clearance level isn’t high enough for you to be granted that information.” Eric’s jaw twitched, throat constricting. 

“We’re sort of dating,” Eric offered, “I mean, I’m just concerned, that doesn’t get me anything?” Bucky looked at him in suspicion, but said nothing. 

“As your Captain I think you should go help your other teammates with the cleanup and let us handle this,” Sam started back up the ramp, “She’ll text you if she wants to text you.” As the ramp closed, the two men exchanged a look. “I don’t like him.”

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief, “Finally.” 

The lake was calm. It could almost be called relaxing if you weren’t so emotionally exhausted. The sleep didn’t seem like it was enough. You’d lost count of the amount of times you’d broken down crying. So here you were, sat on a bench out on the dock, watching two ducks float along the water, a chill in the air. 

Your skin was tight around your eyes from crying, rubbed raw. The birds were awake, sun finally fully over the horizon when you heard the jet touch down behind you in the distance. It wasn’t long before boots hit the hardwood of the dock. The sound is a courtesy. He wouldn’t make any sound if he didn’t want to. 

He slipped into the seat next to you, arm resting on the back of the bench behind you. A comfortable distance. 

“I’d ask you if you are okay, but you’re clearly not.” Bucky faced forward, watching the two ducks peck at the water, drifting around.   

“How bad is it?” Times Square. Most of the team was still there helping with search and rescue. It was easier to lift debris when you had superpowers. 

He couldn’t lie, “It’s bad.” You nod, throat constricting, “We’re going to get him.” He assures you, the blunt metal fingertips brushing against your spine, “This isn’t your fault.” 

“But it is.” You lean from his touch, standing and stepping away from the bench, turning to look at him. “Did you know?” You ask, temper rising. His brows scrunch, looking at you questioningly. “Do you know?” He shakes his head, 

“Know what?” You look at him incredulously. How could he not know? Could you really believe that Steve never told him? His best friend? 

“I need to go see my parents... you should come along.” You begin to make your way back up the dock, the jet sitting idly on the grass next to the log cabin, smoke billowing from the chimney. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, I don’t think that’s such a good idea right now.” Who knows what Zemo had planned, Agents had been placed to watch them recently, to make sure they were being kept safe. 

You turn to him, the dew on the grass wet on your ankles, it’s a slightly foggy morning, his hair was pulled back tightly from his face, there was blood on his uniform still, he smelled of soot. His eyes looked so blue against the dark contrast of the dirt on his face. You felt your bottom lip tremble, eyes watering once more, your hands shaking. 

“I need to see them.”

Peter watched as you entered, fumbling over his words, shifting nervously in the doorway. 

“When I was looking at your scan,” He said, “I didn’t know what I was seeing.” You couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t his job to tell you, it wasn’t Strange’s either. He was shifting foot to foot, hand idly clicking his phone screen on and off again. 

“It’s okay Pete,” You sigh. Sam stood in the kitchen, across from Strange, both eyes flicking to your frame. “I’m gonna go talk to my parents.” Sam leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms and looked at the man now standing behind you in the doorway. Bucky radiated heat against your back. 

“You goin’ with her?” Sam asked. Bucky didn’t speak, but nodded in agreement. “I want to talk to you for a minute.” Eyes pointed at you, Sam gestures with his head for the two of you to leave the room. You peer back at Bucky, confusion clear on his face as you follow his partner into the other room. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks you. Hands reaching to gently grasp your arms, comforting. 

Your breath catches, emotions still flowing freely just under your skin, the gentle question bringing tears to your eyes, tears you keep from falling. 

“I have to.” You nod, voice tight, “For myself.” For the man standing in the corner, the ghost. The man looking at you in complete sorrow. You had to do this for Steve.

Sam nods, “Did you tell him?” You wrap your arms around yourself, pulling back. Shaking your head you look back at the wall that separates you from him. From Bucky. “You can’t have him go into this blind, Y/N.” 

“I know,” You know, “I know.” You tug your bottom lip, sore with worry, between your bottom teeth before fully turning from Sam, “I’ll tell him.” 

Those curious blue eyes met you in the doorway, a banana in hand, open and partially eaten in his fist, another one was unopened and offered to you as you joined him. He wouldn’t pry, not if you didn’t want him to. But how do you tell him? How do you tell him that it’s because of you that Steve left him. 

Steve’s heart was in his throat, palms sweating. Babies were supposed to cry right? So why wasn’t the baby crying? He watched the doctor and nurses surround the frail little thing, face blue and still covered in blood. 

“Is she alright?” Peggy cried, hair plastered to her forehead in sweat, face pale. His heart was breaking, his hand gently grasped in hers. She was beginning to hyperventilate. Steve turned to his wife, brushing her hair from her face, gently grasping her cheeks in his palms and pressing a shaky kiss to her forehead. 

“She’ll be okay.” He soothed. He didn’t know though, he didn’t know if his baby would survive.

The pregnancy had been hard on Peggy and full of many difficulties. The pair swore that this was the first and last. In the beginning she was so sick. Morning sickness had hit her full speed. It wasn’t uncommon for her to turn her nose at the sight of anything with a strong smell. Steve had resorted to boiling chicken and potatoes most nights, and then she got a strong aversion to the smell it would create in the house so they switched to eating just buttered pasta for a while. 

She chewed ginger mints and took naps halfway through the day, sometimes she couldn’t get out of bed at all. Her job was difficult and demanding. She began spotting close to her second trimester and was sat behind a desk. Steve felt helpless. What could he do really? 

“Maybe this was a mistake.” He took a sip of the whiskey Howard had poured him, whiskey that would do nothing but burn down his throat and roll in the acid of his stomach, the pair sitting in Howard’s office at SHIELD. “Maybe we shouldn’t have had kids.” 

Howard sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair, “Don’t think of it like that, women have been pregnant since the beginning of time, and Peggy is strong.” A sip, “She’ll be fine, her and the kid, they’ll both be fine.” 

It didn’t seem to be fine. Not when Peggy’s eyes rolled back in her head and her face grew ashen. Not when the medical staff scrambled. Not when Steve was pushed from the room, pushed away from his silent baby and his heavily bleeding wife. 

He thought the serum would transfer. 

It was in his blood, why wouldn’t it? 

But it didn’t. His daughter was frail. She came out barely three pounds, she could fit in the palm of his hand. But she was breathing, she was alive. 

“I don’t know how long she will survive.” The doctor said. But his girl was a fighter. Her breaths rattled, Peggy or Steve kept their baby in a bassinet next to the bed until she outgrew it. Took about a year. 

She was late on everything, walking, talking. Peggy doted on her sweet girl, breastfed longer than advised, hoping that it would do her some good. Grow her bones stronger, help her put on weight. A full fat milk in her bottle every morning, there was constantly food around for their baby. Steve tried to remember child trends from his future. Recommendations from Doctors more advanced. He resentfully thought about how much more help his daughter would get if she could see a Doctor in 2023 versus the quacks they’d been taking her to currently. 

Howard created the braces for her legs that helped her legs straighten so she could start walking, helping her keep her back upright. He found a better Doctor, a SHIELD Doctor, to perform her first surgery, and second, and third. 

It took a scare. A serious one. One where his baby girl almost didn’t make it. Intubated in quarantine for her compromised immune system. The Doctor had told them to say their goodbyes. 

“I can’t do this.” Peggy cried, one hand on her hip the other covering her mouth, Steve sat before her, hands on his knees. “I can’t let her go.” 

His throat was dry, raspy, acidic. “I can save her.” Peggy’s eyes found his, both red and exhausted, 

“What do you mean?” Steve shook his head, opened his mouth and then closed it before sighing heavily, 

“I thought he was exaggerating,” He shrugged, “I thought that maybe it was an irrational decision and if I could have just waited it out she would be okay, but she’s not going to be okay.” He gently pulled his wife to his chest, rocking her side to side, looking through the glass behind her at their daughter, her chest barely rising and falling. “We have to let her go, you have to let me take her back.” 

Howard fashioned more tech, something he could use to bring his baby somewhere where she’d get the help she needed. Here in the future. When he was still on ice. The emergency room. He said he found her on the street. They took care of her. They saved his daughter’s life. They found a family willing to take her. An older couple who couldn’t have children. Steve watched them for a while. 

He watched them take his baby to the park. He watched them take his baby to her first day of school. He watched them take his baby to the hospital, again and again. 

But his girl was a fighter, she survived. 

He hadn’t believed Strange. 

Not when he told him about this. 

“You’ll have to give her up.” He said. Steve didn’t believe him. “Everything is going to happen, exactly how it’s supposed to.” Steve didn’t believe him. 

“You’re going to go back to Peggy and have a baby girl.” Strange had looked out onto the lake that day, hands in his pockets, “And it’s going to be hard, but you’re going to have to give her up so she can survive. And she will. I’m going to tell you exactly where to take her and when.” 

“Why?” Steve asked, “Why wouldn’t I stay?” Bucky. His throat constricted. “Why can’t I stay?” Strange’s eyes turned soft, looking back at the house where Bucky was letting Morgan comb out his hair. 

“Your daughter is very important to ensure a sound future for the planet.” Strange took a step back from him, “In every universe that you don’t go back… you lose everything.”

It was hard, Peggy didn’t want to do it. 

“I can’t let her go.” Holding her baby to her chest, rubbing her back as she slept soundly, the bout of pneumonia the pair didn’t think their baby would survive finally shaking itself from her lungs. They were crying. 

“If we let her go, she’ll survive.” Steve held his wife, their child between them. “If she stays here, she’ll die.” 

So he brought you here. And he saved you. 

There was a heartbeat. 

Then another.

And another. 

“Bucky,” The jet was quiet. “Please.” Your parents didn’t know whose child you were, but they adopted you as soon as they heard you’d been abandoned at CHOP. 

“We didn’t care that you were sick.” Your Mom smoothed the hair from your face, “We loved you as soon as we saw you.” Such a happy baby she remarked, a happy resilient baby. 

The jet was parked in a quiet place, you’d driven into the city and had just gotten back. Bucky wasn’t speaking with you currently. The entire drive back his eyes straight ahead on the road, not even radio to break up the silence. 

His shoulders were tense, nearly pulled up against his ears. He stood in the middle of the jet, unmoving. 

“Bu-”

“Just give me a minute.” His voice was low, forlorn. You sat heavily on the bench, the buckle clinkling against the floor as it fell. His face was turned down, hair covering most of it, his bottom lip trembling slightly. 

You sniffled and his hand reached out for you, slowly grasping your own and pulling you from the bench and into his chest. His arms wrapping around your shoulders to pull you in tightly, your arms wrapping around his waist. His face buried into your shoulder, your eyes looking up at the ceiling. 

You both stood there. 

And you cried. 

Him for the loss of his love, you for the burden of the truth. 

“Does Zemo know?” You breathed out shakily. The pair of you sitting on the bench in the jet, thighs pressed tightly together, his hand wrapped tightly around yours to keep from trembling. 

He shook his head, “If he did we would have known a long time ago.” His eyes were red rimmed, staring blankly at the wall. 

“I don’t know what to do now.” You settled further into his side, your vacant hand wrapping around your joined ones. “What do we even do?” 

There was silence once again, a small debate in his head, 

“Did he love me?” You gaze up at him, the scruff of his jaw, his pink flushed lips bitten and chapped, slightly parted with unsteady breath. 

“Yes.” He looked down at you, so close you could count his eyelashes. The freckles in his eyes. 

“How do you know?” The soft timbre of his voice rumbling against your shoulder. “How do you know for sure?” Anxiousness brews in your chest, heart fluttering with the admission, 

“Because I’ve felt that love every minute of every day since I was given this heart.” His eyes flutter closed, head coming to bump against the wall behind him, before rolling towards you. His fingers coming up to entwine in your hair and pull your face closer to his. 

His lips press against your forehead and rest there for a moment. 

A soft sound as he pulls back, “We should get going.” 

“I thought it was just the serum,” Peter shrugged, “It was changing the chemistry of your body with the serum, so I assumed at first that’s why those genetic markers were there.” The old holotable hadn’t been used for a while, but with a little tinkering the kid got it up and running again. The files stored on one of his thumb drives displayed your DNA. A mess of ACGT that was specifically you. 

Steve’s was pulled up, “This shows paternal DNA.” Margaret Carter’s DNA pulled beside that, “This shows maternal DNA.” You were fresh from a shower and eating a bowl of cereal while sitting cross-legged in a chair in the home office. 

“So you had this figured out weeks ago?” Strange asked, a smirk on his face, “And you just decided not to tell anyone?” Peter shrugged, looking at you apologetically. 

“I’m happy you didn’t tell me,” You offered, “It wasn’t for you to tell.” 

“So this is why the serum is acting the way it is?” Sam asked.

“So there were genetic traces of the serum in her DNA from birth,” He had a previous blood sample from before, before the heart. He looks at you, “You getting the heart, as weird as that is, boosted the serum you already had and it’s almost like… a mutation.” A beat of silence, “That would make sense,” He said standing from his chair, rotating your genetic code on the holotable. “Mutations sometimes come around through specific circumstances of extreme stress or hormonal growth.

When Steve was given the serum he was in a chamber and hit with an incredible amount of energy to fuse the serum with his cells, it gave the body the stress it needed for the serum to completely change his genetic makeup.”

“I’ve been stressed my entire life,” You joke, shaking your head, “But when I got the heart, my body reacted to his genetic code?” Peter nodded.

“When they did your surgery they took the heart from his body in one OR,” Strange interjected, “And brought it immediately to your OR, so the blood that remained in the chambers of the heart, that first heartbeat you experienced, gave you everything you needed.” 

That first heartbeat. 

The one where the doctors remove your heart and put another in its place. That tense, timed, procedure. That sigh of relief as Steve’s heart beat within your chest for the first time. The claps of a job well done. 

You remember waking up. 

Your Dad, the man who helped raise you, sat beside your bed. His glasses low on his nose as he filled out a Sudoku book. Your Mom, the woman who helped raise you, walked in with a coffee, one for each of them. The quiet, thank you. A whispered kiss, before she settled into the small couch, pulling out her knitting. 

A sigh of relief, a first breath leaving your lungs. 

You’d survived another one, and hopefully this one wouldn’t give out on you. Hopefully. 

It seemed surreal now, how far everything had gone. How much farther it needed to go. 

Zemo didn’t know, at least that’s what Bucky was under the impression of. So his obsession with this heart, trying to harvest the traces of serum that flowed through your bloodstream had nothing to do with your lineage. 

“Hey.” Bucky was sitting out on the water, legs hanging off the side of the dock. “I thought you went to bed.” You shrug, sitting down next to him, thigh to thigh. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Your breath came out in clouds. He nods in response, hands held in his lap, eyes unfocused out on the tree line. 

“I don’t hate you for it.” Bucky said after a while. “I just… I wanted you to know that.” Your fingers fisted in the sleeves of your sweater, you turn to look at him. Eyes red rimmed, the tip of his nose red from the cold. His eyes met yours, glossy. “I don’t blame you for this.” You press your lips together, swallowing harshly before letting out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry honestly.” He continues, “I shouldn’t have been the way I was when you first got the heart. None of this was fair to you.”

“I don’t blame you,” Your fingers find his own, cold, half numb. “I… this has been hard for both of us.” He goes to say something, but decides against it. His fingers intertwined with yours. 

“We might need to stay here for a while.” He said, “The others are going to go back to the compound, rebuild, save face.” His thumb brushed the back of your hand, calloused and rough against your skin. “We’ll stay here, train a little more. Zemo doesn’t know about this place.” He glanced back at what once was Tony’s cabin. “No one really knows about this place.” 

You take a deep breath, looking back out onto the still lake. And it was comfortable. For the first time in a long time you’d felt at peace. Content. And ready to move on. 

.

.

.

taglist //  @nutellakirb​ @witch-of-letters​ @torntaltos​ @emotionallysalty​ @an-lover​ @lbuck121​ @rainbowkisses31​ @artisticrogers1972​ @flightlessbirdiee​ @sanniegirl1214​ @sarcastic-and-cool​  @bookish-shristi​ @saturnki​ @jennmurawski13​ @geeksareunique​ @the-soulofdevil​ @tinmunky​ @gifsbysimplysonia​ @alwaysbenhardysgirl @albinotigerpython​

[thosequeenboys]

Love Is Love Is Love (Ben Hardy x Joe Mazzello) - Chapter 2

A/N:  This story started as one shot for the Hardzzello Week “Missing” prompt - Missed (link below). The story unfolded as a series, which I named after a phrase in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s 2016 Tony acceptance sonnet that paid tribute to the victims of the Orlando, FL, night club shooting. Because of my commitment to gay marriage and LGBT rights I wanted to share a story of family joys and challenges through them.

Chap. 1:  Missed  

Summary, Chapter 2:  Puzzled:   Ben and Joe learn new information about Alex, and Joe receives a surprise that promises to complicate their lives.

Warnings:  Doctor’s visit for a check-up; angst

tagging: @warriorteam1924 @heybuddy-drabbles @oniriquex @igotsuckedintothevoid @watercolouredreams @roger-taylors-car @nightoftheland @lapofthemusicgods

The new year unfolded, and the days became longer demarcated by pink, lavender and gold sunsets. Their lives felt pretty stable and had a certain rhythm. Joe was serving as a consultant on a Netflix show, which required travel to LA a week each month.  With his own next gig requiring intense travel slated for later in the year, Ben cherished watching winter slip into spring on walks with his trusty, observant companion by his side, touching the cracked ground where bulbs sprouted, watching birds build nests and smelling flowers.   On a mid-March afternoon that was remarkably spring-like, Ben and Alex returned from playgroup, though this walk was silent and tense.  As they entered home, Joe was wrapping up a call.  

“Alex, how about watching some PBS?”  Ben said, entering the living room and turning on the TV. “Dad and I need to catch up on boring grown-up stuff.  I’ll bring you a snack in a few minutes.”

“OK”, Alex said, knowing he didn’t have a choice and that the ‘boring grown-up stuff’ probably included him. Before Ben left, he tried to change their dynamic by running his hand through his son’s hair.  “Alex. I love you.” Alex gave his dad a side glance, feeling lingering sadness from their earlier interaction when his dad was mad at him, but relieved to hear his dad’s affectionate words.  

Ben sat at the island counter in the kitchen facing Joe who had moved to the other side of the counter, peeling and cutting vegetables for chicken cacciatore.  

“So that thing happened at playgroup.”  Ben looked up at Joe.  Joe felt his chest tighten.  Again? He knew where this was going; they had been there before.   Ben sighed and continued:  

“The toys were laid out on the floor, and he and the other kids were playing.  It was going really well.  They were talking, and he seemed into it.  I thought, ‘Finally! He’s getting how it should be.” Suddenly he went over to the bookshelf and started looking on the shelves.  He pulled out a puzzle box.  I said he had to put it back; we can’t take things without asking. I told him we weren’t playing with that today.  He clutched it and refused.  He sat down with it, and when I tried to take it, he pulled it away. He actually scowled at me.  I gritted my teeth and told him to give it to me. I had smoke coming out of my ears, but I tried not to make a scene.  Fortunately, Becca, you know Georgie’s mom who was hosting, came over and said Alex could look at the puzzle - it belonged to Georgie’s older brother, Jeremy.  I thanked Becca and asked Alex to thank her too, which he did.”

“So, he dumps it out. Ok, so no surprise there.  But then he starts his sorting thing, and he’s holding up the pieces to the box in front of him and I’m kind of trying to block him, listening to the other parents.  And, he starts putting pieces together, making the border, and suddenly, one of the moms sees it and, like, gasps.  “OHMYGOD, Ben, he’s doing THAT puzzle?’  Then everyone starts looking.”

“We’re all always comparing notes:  What are the kids eating and not eating? What classes are they taking? Who’s looking at pre-schools?  It’s supportive, but everyone’s trying to make sure their kid is, you know, ‘on track.’”  

“Yeah,” Joe nodded, switching knives to cut up an apple. “My sister told me all about that.  It can get ugly.  Some parents brag, and parents whose kids are at a different stage try not to freak out. You can feel the anxiety bubbling up. Sometimes it’s just better to talk about politics, honestly.”  

Sighing, Joe plated the apple slices and spooned some peanut butter on the side of the plate.  Ben grabbed the plate and the water bottle. He slid off the stool to deliver it to Alex. Joe started to build the dish, sautéing peppers, carrots, onions and garlic.  After they softened, tomatoes, wine, stock and chicken would join the party.

Returning, Ben continued. “So, I just brushed it off. Talked about his older cousins teaching him, how he tries to copy them, you know, he just fools around and gets lucky.  Then it was time to leave.  He only did a little of the puzzle.  Jesus, it was like 50 pieces.  I said we had to clean it up.  He was all with the ‘no’s’, but finally I glared at him – I swear I almost lost it - but he relented.  I feel so out of control when this happens and not sure what to do.  And, Alex gets laser-focused and detaches. I had to tell him to say good-bye and thank you.  I could tell he was still thinking about that fucking puzzle as we were saying our goodbyes….”

Joe stopped chopping the basil and put his knife down, wiping his hands on a towel. He ran his fingers through his hair.  “He is who he is.  And we shouldn’t be too surprised about his laser-focus -- and his smarts -- knowing his two sets of genes,”  Joe said, with a wink, before continuing, “You handled it well, Babe. Really well.   You shouldn’t feel defensive.  We need to figure out how to deal with this.  Take him for the check-up… better late than never.”

Suddenly Alex came in holding the empty plate and bottle.  ‘Hey, Buddy,” Joe said.  “The chicken is almost done.  Want to finish it up?”  

Alex nodded. He went over to Joe who took the plate and bottle and put the stool in front of the stove, helping him up.  “OK,” Joe said, pointing to a pile of chopped greens on the cutting board.  Here we have some basil and parsley.”  Alex grabbed the greens and sprinkled them into the pot.  Joe handed Alex the wooden spoon and he stirred them in, as he planted a kiss on his son’s neck.

A week later they were in Premiere Pediatrics, and the medical assistant took Alex into a small room. Ben and Joe waited outside. She tested his vision, and they overheard her asking him about colors and numbers but they got into a discussion and didn’t pay attention.  

Suddenly, the assistant tore past them and approached the doctor down the hall, showing him the paper in her hand, as a nurse quickly escorted Alex and his parents to an exam room.  

Joe helped Alex undress and put on the robe.  He whipped out a book, Ocean Creatures, from his backpack. Alex settled into his lap and Joe started the story.  They got halfway through the book and in walked Dr. Herbert “Call Me Herb” Markman, holding a slim file in his left hand.  

Dr. Markman was there from the beginning.  Before the beginning. Ben and Joe had to have a local pediatrician vouch for their sincere interest to be parents and their stability.  And they had to show there was a doctor at the ready as soon as the baby arrived.  When Joe called the practice and asked for an experienced doctor, explaining the situation, the receptionist set up an appointment with Dr. Markman right away, noting he was the most senior member of the practice.  A Google search showed they hit the pediatrician lottery: degrees from Ivy League universities; a professor at the local Medical School; a successful researcher; and a former President of the American Society of Pediatrics.  As a person, he was warm, calm and conversational. As a doctor, he was thorough, smart and sensitive to both his young patients and their over-concerned parents. At their first meeting, Dr. Markman insisted they call him Herb, but Joe and Ben settled on Dr. M. To keep the relationship on an equal playing field, Dr. Markman followed the more formal naming convention.

“MR. JONES-MAZZELLO!” Dr. M. greeted Alex like a long-lost friend.  “So nice to see you!  You’re here for your 2-year check-up, I see. Let’s get you up on the bench. He patted it and helped Alex up.  Then he turned and offered a warm nod and outstretched hand, “Mr. Jones.  Mr. Mazzello.”   He placed Alex’s file on the desk.

Ben chimed in somewhat guiltily, “Actually, we missed the 2-month mark. He’s almost 2 and a half now.”

“No harm, no foul.” Dr. M. responded with a reassuring smile as he applied hand sanitizer.  

Dr. M. addressed his patient.  “Alex, are you having any concerns about your body, anything hurt?  Anything you want to ask?”

“No, thank you. I’m well, thanks.” Alex replied.

The three adults laughed. Ben beamed, proud at his politeness.  

“Good to hear.” Dr. M. commented. Turning to Joe and Ben, Dr. M. asked, “Any concerns? How’s he been?” Any more high fevers?”

“No, no fevers. Thankfully.” Joe said.

“He’s fine, seems good, really.” Ben added.

“Is he good, really or really good?” It was a play on words, a rhetorical question, but Dr. M. was on to something.   “Ok, let’s take a look.”

He examined Alex thoroughly, prodding his organs eliciting a stream of giggles. He checked his heart, ears, eyes, blood pressure, spine and reflexes, making notes on his I-pad as he went along.

“All good!” He said.

Dr. M. opened the file folder on the desk and pulled out the report the medical assistant handed him earlier. He went over to the shelf that held some books and games and pulled out 10 black checkers.  “As I put these down, Alex, can you count them for me?”  Alex counted 1 through 10 as the checkers were placed on the exam bench. Then, Dr. M. picked a few up and asked him the total number remaining on the bench. Then he put some back, asking for a total.  He did this a few more times, moving quickly.  Alex hesitated at times, thinking it through, but didn’t get flustered. Joe and Ben looked on with awe. Was he really adding and subtracting?  Dr. M. collected the checkers and put them aside on the bench.  

“What did you think of that?” He asked Alex.

“Fun!” Alex said.  

“Good to hear we have a satisfied customer.   We always try to provide patients with some fun during visits.” Dr. M. said, typing into his I-pad and winking at Joe and Ben, making it clear that round of ‘fun’ was not offered to most patients at their 2-year visits.

“So, what do you like to do, Alex?”  Dr. M. asked.

Alex thought for a minute and answered, “The library.  We take out lots of books.  I like ocean animals.  And gymnastics. I like to sommersault.  And parachute lift - some of us run into it, and we have to run back before it falls on us!” Alex smiled, sitting up straight, swinging his legs, picturing the activity.  

“Wow, that sounds really thrilling.”  Dr. M. said, giving Alex his full attention.

Alex nodded and then looked at the ceiling thinking about what else filled his days. “Puzzles!  I really like puzzles.”

Ben looked over at Joe encouragingly, wanting him to take the cue, as he twisted the band on his left ring finger with his thumb.  Joe looked up, rubbing his chin.  It was the perfect opening. “Uh, yeah, about puzzles. We should let Dr. M. know what happens sometimes.  Like at playgroup.”

Alex looked down, remembering how angry his dad was with him that day.

Ben continued.  “Remember at Georgie’s, you got the puzzle off the shelf and started doing it when there were lots of other toys out.  You can’t just go into someone’s stuff.”

“I was bored!” Alex said with a raised voice, annoyed that his dad didn’t understand.

Dr. M. nodded.  “It’s hard to feel bored, isn’t it?”

Alex nodded emphatically, and Dr. M. continued, “When you feel bored, Alex, it’s good to tell one of your dads, and together you can discuss what to do. Maybe you can ask for another toy.  But, sometimes, you may have to be bored.  Lord knows, I am more than I’d like!” he laughed, trying to lighten the tension, but came back to the point.  “Do you think you can talk about how you feel before acting?”

Alex nodded, looking at Ben, who gave him a smile.

“Good!” Dr. M. said. “Your dads can remind you.  So, what else happens in the Life of Alexander Jones-Mazzello?”

“I help Papa cook.” Alex smiled at the recent memory.

“Cooking is fun!  How do you help?” Dr. M. asked.

“Add basil and…pars and stir.” Alex said.

“Basil and Parsley,” Joe clarified, “My Italian influence.”

“I’m a big fan of Italian food!”  Dr. M. said.  He smiled, directing his next question to Ben and Joe. “Any other activities your fine young man is involved in?

“He just started music class!” Ben added enthusiastically. “I read about the strong association between math and music, so we thought it would be good…” his voice trailed off as he looked over at the doctor typing into his I-pad.

Call Me Herb looked summarily unimpressed, perhaps the most unimpressed he’d been in his 35-year career as a pediatrician.  Ben and Joe exchanged glances.

“Alex, you are well on your way to becoming a fine 3-year old.  One day, I’d like you to meet my friend, Wendy.  She’ll show you some other fun puzzles and games I think you’ll like.” Dr. M. said as he helped Alex dress.  Then Alex leaned over and grabbed the checkers and started to play with them. 

Dr. M. then spoke softly to Ben and Joe, “I’m going to give you the number of Wendy Chambers. She’s an educational psychologist. She’ll do her assessment and have some ideas.”  He wrote her name and number on his prescription pad. “Do it this year, before the pre-school search heats up. The information she provides will help,” he said in his gentle tone as he handed the slip to Ben, who looked down at it.

“Is…Did…Is what we’re doing not right?” Ben asked hesitantly in a whisper.

“You’re doing great.” Dr. M. reassured.  Sensing Ben’s concern, he walked over to him and Joe and said very softly.  “It just may not be enough. In the long run. He’s precious.  And,” he added, “Gifted. With all joys and challenges that come with it.  I’ll let Wendy know I’ve referred Alex; you’ll be in good hand with her. Let’s stay in touch.”

After a round of handshakes, Dr. M. departed to a chorus of thank you from the boys.  

As they left the doctor’s office, Ben mentioned they needed to pick up some groceries.   “We’ll meet you home, then?” He said to Joe, their eyes lingering expressing they were in this together, whatever ‘this’ turned out to be.  Ben bent down to zip Alex’s jacket, his knee resting on the sidewalk, and planted a kiss on his cheek.  “You were such a good patient with Dr. M.  Ready to go, Buddy?”  Alex smiled and nodded, leaning in to hug Ben, who welcomed the embrace.  As usual, Alex’s hug stopped Ben in his tracks, and he had to force himself to stand up and proceed, grasping Alex’s hand.

“Thanks for shopping.  See you guys at home,” Joe said.  As they peeled off in opposite directions, Joe suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out.  The area code was vaguely familiar but he didn’t recognize the number, and there was no name associated with it.  

“Hello, Joe Mazzello.” He answered, stopping.  Joe nodded slightly as the name was revealed.  

“Oh. Hi.”  He said, in acknowledgement, suppressing his surprise. The voice relayed information, and Joe juggled his phone, trying to shift gears quickly and process the unexpected information.

“Really?  Seriously? Wow. That’s…terrific. Have to say, wasn’t expecting it.  I mean…” his voice trailed off as more information was relayed.

“When will…?” He registered the response with a nod, his eyes darting side to side.

“Uh, OK! Sounds good….” His voice faded as he tried not to express any concern or hesitation, though logistical wheels were turning in his head, as they always did.  “Ok, uh, let me … can I give you a call tomorrow and we can discuss the details? This is…Great!  Thanks. Thanks for the call.  Take care…Talk tomorrow. Bye.”

Joe clicked off the phone, his eyes opened wide.  A surprised grin emerged while he shook his head.  If life, acting  – and parenthood – taught him anything, it’s you can’t always predict what’s around the corner.  Life doesn’t ask to ‘put time on your calendar’ or ‘is this convenient?’  You have to keep calm and make it work.  As he walked home, Joe started to strategize about how to do that with this surprising news.

[metalgearkong]

The Last of Us Part II - Review (PS4)

8/14/20 ***SPOILERS***

Developed by Naughty Dog, released June 19th, 2020

The Last of Us was a game I wasn’t originally a huge fan of when it came out in 2013. Despite it receiving astronomical praise by fans and critics, it took me a couple times completing the game before I fell in love with it. What truly made The Last of Us special was not necessarily its concept or gameplay, but its storytelling and characters. The depth of the interpersonal drama and raw emotion on screen was the true core of the game, with the stealth-action, zombies, and other aspects more like icing on the cake. The Last of Us ended up being one of my favorite games of all time strictly based on execution, even if the game as a whole still isn’t perfect. 

The Last of Us Part II was my most highly anticipated game of 2020, and it feels strange to be on the other side of it finally. This game has been polarizing for fans, and as it turns out, I feel conflicted on the game as well. I finished it a month or so ago, but only now getting my thoughts written out. While some aspects are daring, jaw dropping, and gorgeous, other aspects detract from what is an unexpected story not quite living up to its potential. I respect this game more than I love it, and while I do think critics have been too kind in review scores, the exceptionally low user reviews have been far more incorrect. This is a solid, epic, deep, beautiful, emotional campaign which will deliver its money’s worth, but many contentious points will dictate how much you enjoy this blockbuster of a video game.

One of the aspects I like the most about this game is how similar the gameplay is to the original. Many people I suppose would want more change or innovation in the 7 years since The Last of Us, but personally I’ve always been a fan of sequels that retain what I like about a series. If it changes too much, it becomes too detached from what I enjoyed or got used to. Changes Part II makes are subtle, but natural for the genre and world. The player can duck and go prone in waist-high grass to conceal themselves, a dodge button has also been added, and a huge addition to combat and stealth is the addition of attack dogs who patrol with their owners. Dogs can pick up your scent until you distract it, adding to a lot of tension anytime enemy K9s are around. And yes, I found it difficult to shoot the first couple of dogs I encountered as they yelp out in pain when they get hurt or die.

Part II picks up I believe 5 years after the original. Ellie and Joel live in Jackson, the town they town the become a part of at the end of The Last of Us, and seem to be thriving in a community with food, power, and systems in place for relative safety from the outside world. The story is told in a much more chopped up chronology which I found to be detrimental to the pacing. The first game had a straightforward narrative and it worked very well, and this game has to dice up its story to make it seem more complex, but just comes off as pretentious. For example, by the end of the prologue (about a hour and a half) you play as three different characters. This leads into the strange structure of this game’s story, aside from having the linearity chopped up at times. 

The most controversial moment of the game is the moment of Joel’s death and how it occurred. While this event was not unexpected for myself and others, the manner of which he died is what’s justifiably pissing people off. A brand new character is introduced named Abby (and one of the three characters we briefly play as shortly before) and without any background or indication of who she is, brutally tortures and executes Joel in front of Ellie’s eyes. It’s not difficult to see director Neil Druckmann cackling with satisfaction of his subversion of expectations. It’s simply toying with the emotions of fans, and he has to expect and stand by any criticism he’s gotten for how this scene went down. However, this moment does make more sense as the story unfolds, but its no less a heavy handed and manipulative move for the sake of auteur video game storytelling.

Ever since I witnessed the brutal death of one of my favorite video game characters of all time, my only though was “they better justify this.” It was never “this is horrible and irredeemable, and “Naughty Dog is off its rocker,” like many people seem to have reacted. It was gut wrenching, but I knew Naughty Dog has a pension for organic characters, and in the back of my mind I knew I had to give this game its fair shot, and see if and/or how Naughty Dog justified a scene liable to piss off virtually every single fan of the original game. This is a poor spot of the game, but the structure of the game itself is, for me, the biggest issue of Part II. In the end, I don’t mind Joel’s death as much seeing the context surrounding it, although it still should have been handled entirely differently. 

Neil Druckmann proudly pulls a Metal Gear Solid 2 move, and entirely switches protagonists for a huge portion of the game (about 45%). Abby turns out to be the main character once the halfway point of the game hits. Following Joel’s death is about 9-11 hours playing as Ellie on her revenge quest to find Abby and kill her. The motivation is justified, being in the room with Ellie as she watched her father figure die in agony in front of her. Ellie’s portion of the campaign makes sense, Abby’s makes less. The structure of the story comes to a high point mid way through, where Abby and Ellie finally meet to clash. After all this build up, and around the same time of the game where the first game had its conclusion, everything halts and resets. 

We are suddenly dropped into the Abby story, showing her side of things, and why she would want to kill Joel. I do think the story directly surrounding her motivation is well done, but the problem is, a large portion of Abby’s story has literally nothing to do with Joel or Ellie. We effectively see why Abby would want revenge on Joel, but then we have to tag along on a major side journey while Abby helps a trans kid and his sister escape the cult they grew up in. I get that it helps develop more empathy for Abby as a character, but Abby’s story should have been at least cut in half to keep the overall story more focused and flowing. Many times while deep into Abby’s story I honestly forgot what the point of what I was doing is, and was getting confused on which events had happened and which hadn’t. 

Abby herself is a good character, and after all has been said and done, she is the third best character in this series so far. It’s a shame though that so much of her story is a direct waste of time, despite more of an excuse for more of the same great gameplay and set-piece moments. Empathy and perspective are the two big themes of this game. The best thing I can say about Part II is it convinced me of something I thought was near inconvincible: it made me like and root for Abby after the scene of Joel’s death. However, while the theme of the game is “all of your enemies have their own backstory,” Par II doesn’t teach us anything new whatsoever. Abby’s father was the surgeon Joel killed upon saving Ellie from the Fireflies at the climax of Part I. But Joel (and Ellie) killed a lot of random enemies in the first game, most of them players won’t even remember specifically. 

The fact that we have an entire video game showing us the perspective of one single person who wants revenge on Joel is a story that doesn’t need to be told. Any NPC we killed in the first game had family or friends who would also want revenge on Joel as well. We don’t learn anything new. This whole series is just marauder against marauder. Joel has never been a good guy, and that’s never been a secret. Joel is shown as an anti-hero even before the conclusion of the first game. It’s partially what makes him such a cool character. We only rooted for Joel because we were seeing things from his perspective. If the first game was entirely about Abby and Joel was framed as the bad guy, the results would have been the same: Abby would be our point-of-view “hero” character, while Joel was clearly the villain. Part II is not the epiphany Neil Drukmann likely wanted his audience to experience.

As anyone can see, the graphics and performances of Part II are incredible. While the story and structure are nothing too special (because it ruins its great moments by long drawn out heavy handed moments), at least the game itself is engaging to play and is gorgeous to look at. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest myself, and the game mainly taking place in Seattle, I enjoyed being totally waterlogged throughout the entire experience. If the story isn’t depressing enough on its own, the weather will certainly get to you. The core characters themselves are portrayed extremely well via motion capture and voice acting as well. I’m wondering why Neil Druckmann didn’t just make a Netflix series beings he is clearly so focused on the character’s interpersonal relationships. This is especially true for Joel and Ellie once again. Side characters are well acted, but have less of an effect on the core story, which is a huge tragedy when so much effort was clearly put into bringing them to life.

There’s no doubt Naughty Dog accomplished their specific goal in making you as depressed as possible. To be honest, it reminded me of some of my favorite books about stories of conflicting emotions and ending on depressing notes. Even though Part II is far from perfect, it’s still a juggernaut of a single-player game with amazing graphics, acting, responsive gameplay. I like the ways it proved me wrong on stuff I thought was unchangeable, and for that, it has my deep respect. It may not be for everyone, not even fans of the first, but if you come at it with an honest open mind and let yourself drop your ego enough to take in this entire story, I think it’s a daring piece of media that might age very well in time.

7/10

[7-wonders]

The Isle of Flightless Birds

Summary: You’re free, but with a few restrictions. This doesn’t settle well, so you decide to see how far you can test said restrictions.

Word Count: 1516

A/N: It me, updating at 2 am bc I have no sense of self-control. This is the third part in my ‘Mad Love’ series, which I’ll have linked down below! Thanks for reading, feedback is always appreciated and requests are always open!

Read Mad Love (part one) HERE | Read Totally F***ed (part two) HERE

Sleep is not something that finds you throughout the night. In fact, even if you had gotten tired, you would have fought it off with everything you have in you. Instead, you sit huddled up on the bed, knees tucked against your chest as you watch the door intensely. You’re not sure what time it is or how much time has passed, the lack of a clock and any windows complicating your current predicament. Eventually, the door opens, and you glare at the blond devil who walks into the room.

“Good morning, sunshine.” He greets, a cheerful smirk on his face. He tosses a bundle of clothes towards you, which you realize are the clothes you were wearing the night you were kidnapped. “Get dressed, your car’s parked outside.”

You slide off of the bed, refusing to look away from Michael. Your eyes burn from how little you’ve blinked in the past few hours, and you’re sure the purple rings under your eyes are even more pronounced than usual.

“Can you at least turn around, please?” You owe him no polite requests, but it’s habit that makes you throw in a ‘please’ at the end of your question. He raises an eyebrow towards you but obliges, turning around so that his back faces towards you.

You change as quick as you possibly can, keeping your eyes on the back of his head the whole time. If there was a knife in here, it’d be so easy to catch him off guard, stab him, and make a clean getaway in your car while the Antichrist himself bleeds out on the floor.

“I heard that, y’know. Clever, but you’d never be able to sneak up on me like that.”

“As your wife, can I maybe give you a suggestion?” You quip, buttoning up your jeans. “You can turn around again.”

“Of course you can.” His voice drips with a saccharine tone as his blue eyes sparkle with mischief.

“How about you not read my fucking thoughts? It’s rude and invasive.”

“No promises, but I’ll try my hardest to not read your thoughts.” It’s half-assed and you know he won’t follow through, but at least he’s trying to compromise.

Tying the laces on your shoes, you stand up and look at Michael, who’s examining you closely. You huff and cross your arms self-consciously, staring him down.

“What now?”

“We’ll have to get you a new wardrobe for your time spent with me. No offense, but your current outfit is...lazy.” He points out, looking at your hoodie, black jeans, and sneakers with disdain.

“Give me a warning next time you’re going to kidnap me and I’ll put a little more effort into my appearance.” You say sarcastically, rolling your eyes at his gall.

“We need to work on your attitude as well.” He fires back.

“Can I go now?”

He sighs deeply, extending an arm towards the open door. You pass him, shooting a backwards glance to make sure he doesn’t try anything. The hallways look a lot different when you’re not disoriented and being carried by a bunch of Satanists. Michael walks alongside you, his hands behind his back as he attempts to make idle chatter, which you ignore.

You nearly cry when you see sunlight streaming through the open doors in front of you. You’ve been a hostage for maybe 36 hours, but it honestly feels like you’ve been trapped for months. Just as Michael promised, your car sits right outside, keys in the ignition and ready to go. Before you can run for it, Michael grabs your wrist.

“Remember our little agreement.” He warns you. “If you slip up, I will know, and there will be consequences.” Your mouth goes dry and your heart quickens when he kisses the corner of your mouth, reminding you of the same kiss he gave you at the conclusion of your ‘wedding.’

“I won’t.”

“See you next weekend. I’ll send you instructions at a later time.” He releases his grip on your wrist, and you hightail it around to the driver’s side of your car. Michael waves at you as you prepare to go, and you flip him off before driving away.

The first couple of days after you get back home, you try to convince yourself that it was all a horrible nightmare. Especially after waking up in your own bed, you fully believed that you had vividly imagined what happened. Until you rubbed your eyes and noticed the silver ring with the blood-red diamond on your ring finger, you were all too ready to move on with your life and forget that this ever happened.

The stupid ring won’t budge, no matter how hard you try to remove it from your finger. Yanking as hard as you can just resorted in a weird popping noise that you’re pretty sure meant you almost dislocated the bone, butter only made your finger oily, and floss was rubbed back and forth so hard that it wore down and snapped. You’re insanely frustrated, and you’ve already faced numerous questions about if you eloped with a mystery man over the weekend (‘nope, just got a new ring but didn’t realize that I put it on this finger,’ you joked).

On Thursday, you receive a text from an unknown number that you soon learn is Michael. You’re not sure how he got your number, but honestly that’s the least of your concerns right now. In addition to telling you where you’ll be spending the weekend with him and what to bring, he also outlines everything you’ve done this week, and everything your family’s done. You had been extremely careful all week, being hypervigilant everywhere you went and making sure to avoid anybody that you didn’t know. After reading Michael’s text, you quickly covered all the cameras on your various devices.

A friend of yours who’s a tech whiz had given you a couple of new software programs that scramble your IP address and make your browsing history completely private, an inquiry that you had managed to pass off as simply being ‘scared of the government.’ After successfully installing it on your laptop, you start to conduct some research.

You start your search off on Google, different tabs open for ‘Satanists,’ ‘Antichrist,’ and ‘forced marriage.’ When those turn up nothing but biblical references and news articles about child brides in third world countries, you expand to ‘is a marriage legal without a marriage license,’ ‘Illuminati,’ and ‘contacting police when there’s a good chance your stalker will find out about it.’

Three hours of intense searching has turned up absolutely nothing, so you’ve decided to drown your sorrows in a bag of popcorn and some Netflix. You’re halfway through an episode of The Office, your go-to feel-good show, when your phone rings. The caller ID says ‘Unknown,’ but you know who it is by now.

“Hello?” You greet, pausing your screen but refusing to let up on the popcorn.

“Hello my darling, how’s your evening been?” You roll your eyes at the pet name, but you have to play along or else he’ll get pissed.

“Fine, Michael, and you?”

“It’s been pleasant, although better now that I get to hear your lovely voice.”

“What do you want?”

“You sure do love cutting right to the point. Eager to get back to whatever you were doing?”

“Well yeah, I kind of need to finish this homework.”

“Really? Because I thought you were watching The Office.” Your blood runs cold and the phone falls from your hand, but you can still hear him loud and clear. “‘The Dundies,’ (Y/N), really? There’s so many better episodes to watch.”

“How did you-”

“Did you really think that your feeble attempts at hiding your computer history would work? I have some of the top software developers in the world at my disposal, it was only a matter of seconds before they were able to break through whatever your friend had installed on your laptop. Nice try, though.” You snatch the phone back up, switching it to speaker.

“Michael, it was just research, I wasn’t going to tell anyone about-”

“Cut the shit.” He interrupts you again. “You seem to think that you can outsmart me. I’m sorry Nancy Drew, but there’s no escaping this. You are my wife, and you will remain my wife.”

“Please don’t hurt my family, I didn't break the rules!” You gasp, heart physically aching at the thought of possibly endangering your loved ones.

“You’re right, you didn’t break the rules. Therefore, no one gets hurt.” You cry out in relief, tears streaming down your face. “I assume this is a good enough warning for you? Don’t try to go behind my back (Y/N). I will find out.”

“I hate you.” You spit.

“That’ll change. I’m excited to see you tomorrow, my darling.” He hangs up before you get a chance to retort. You slam your laptop shut, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of getting to see you break down at your situation, which is looking more and more hopeless by the hour.

Tag List: @sammythankyou @let-me-try-mom @ultragibbycentralworld @sebastianshoe @nana15774 @queencocoakimmie @lichellaw @grim-adventures58 @dandycandy75 @trimbooohgodplsnoooo @alexcornerblog @everything-is-awesomesauce @ccodyfern @jimmlangdon @dolceandchalamet @omgsuperstarg @queenie435 @dextergirl12345 @americanhorrorstudies @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @coloursunlimited

[messagefromtheveins]

If Walls Could Talk Part 13 [Final Part]

A/N: I really don’t know what to say. Thank you guys for encouraging me to make a series out of this. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all the feedback. You’re truly the best. 

Words: 1604

Pairing: Shawn/reader

It was the feeling of his fingers slowly tracing over your back that brought you to reality, slowly pulling you from a dreamless sleep. It took you a moment of trying to figure out your surroundings without opening your eyes yet.

Your bare chest was flush to the bed as you had been sleeping on your front, his body beside yours radiating a comfortable warmth. His legs were tangled with yours, the sheets pushed down to your lower back and exposing your skin to the chilly morning air. But it wasn't the cold that raised goosebumps on your arms- his fingers did. The way they switched back and forth from tracing random patterns over your soft skin to exploring your back, feeling each dip and bump of your spine with the perfect amount of pressure to have you swallowing back a moan.

Smiling into the pillow, you heard him chuckle lightly as he noticed that you were awake. You didn't bother to open your eyes as you turned to lay on your side, his hand placing flat on your back as he tugged while you shifted closer to him until you found yourself pressed against his chest. Tilting your head up, you felt his lips placing a tender kiss on your forehead before you slowly forced your eyes open, meeting his fond smile. "Good morning, beautiful," he whispered, his hand raising to brush your hair back before he gently combed his fingers through it a couple of times.

You hummed and stretched for a moment before you relaxed again. "Mmmh, morning," you mumbled and slung your arms around him while placing a kiss on his chest. You knew that sleeping with him probably hadn't been the best idea considering how much had happened last night and how emotionally drained the two of you had been at that point. But you also didn't regret it.

"Sleep well?" he murmured and placed his hand on the back of your head like he wanted to keep you close as you nuzzled your nose into the crook of his neck. You couldn't stop your fingers from exploring the wide expanse of his back, not failing to notice how he moved just a bit into your touch.

Leaving a small and innocent kiss on his neck, you looked up to him again and gave him a sleepy smile. "Very," you smiled and let your eyes fall shut as he brushed his hand through your hair again, "you?"

"Just perfectly," he whispered, dipping his head down to playfully rub his nose against yours while his hand traced down your body until it settled on your butt. You grinned but stayed quiet, growing curious as he simply caressed your cheeks with gentle fingertips, occasionally squeezing before he went back to caressing. "I'm offended that your bed is more comfortable than mine," he grumbled, making you giggle in a way that brought butterflies to his stomach.

"Are you saying that you deserve a comfortable bed more than I do?"

He scoffed. "Obviously."

Placing a kiss on his chin, you smiled as he tilted his head, giving you the perfect angle to place a few more kisses over his jaw. He inhaled deeply and completely relaxed in your arms, his own tightening around you. "Sucks for you, huh?" you mumbled.

Releasing a laugh, he shook his head as you as you pulled back to look at him. "Wow, ouch," he giggled, "sucks for you, though, doesn't it?"

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion. "For me?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "'cause you'll never get rid of me again," he murmured, his fingers slowly dancing up your back again.

The thought made you feel so delighted while you desperately hoped that he was serious and not just teasing you. "Yeah, that really sucks for me," you sighed, but couldn't help the wide grin that he mirrored, giving you a spark of hope.

–—–—–—–—–—–

The day had been nothing but unproductive. Even when you had tried to get anything done, he had always been right there, immediately distracting you with his hands tugging you closer while his lips chased yours. You actually had to splash water at him so he would stop distracting you from simply stuffing the takeout boxes into the trash can.

The way he had grumbled and wiped the sleeve of his hoodie over his wet face had made you grin widely.

"Hey, what's up with that frown?" he asked and gently nudged your shoulder with his own, the two of you waiting for the popcorn to finish in the microwave so you could start movie night.

Looking up from where you had stared at the fridge while you had been deep in thought, you blinked a few times before you shook your head. His features immediately turned worried as he turned to you to fully face you- from where he had watched the popcorn pop like a little kid- his hands placing on your waist while he looked down on you. "Hey, honey. Talk to me," he murmured, his thumbs lightly brushing over the bottom of your ribcage through the T-shirt you had stolen from him.

Biting around on your bottom lip, you shrugged. "I guess I'm a little… scared?" you confessed, though it sounded more like a question.

"Of what?" he whispered, his head dipping to catch your gaze again as you averted it. Rubbing the tip of his nose against your jaw in a gentle way, he got a soft smile from you that only lasted for a short moment. "Let me make it better," he murmured in such a reassuring way that you felt yourself crumbling in his arms.

Placing your hands on his upper arms as he tugged you closer and loosely wrapped his arms around your middle, you tried to find the right words while he peppered soft kisses over your cheeks and temples. "What will happen once the weekend is over? When we have to leave this nice little bubble we created in the apartment?"

Pulling back, he silently looked at you for a couple of seconds before a slow grin spread over his lips. "What are you talking about?" he giggled a bit confused.

"It's…" you trailed off and took your hands off him, wanting to take a step back, but he held you in place and didn't take his eyes off you. "Will I find you hanging out with another girl again? In a way that's not just friendly? Am I going to walk in here in a few days and hear you fuck some random girl again?"

His eyes widened, panic written in them. "Honey-" he swallowed heavily, but you interrupted him before he could start talking.

"No, don't sugar coat it. Just give me the full truth," you shook your head, the defeat written in your eyes giving him the feeling like you had accepted it already. Like you had given up on him, even after everything that had happened the night before.

Biting his bottom lip, he reached up to cup your face in incredibly gentle hands and let his thumbs caress your cheekbones while he gave you a loving smile that had your heart skipping a beat. "You want to know what's going to happen?” He whispered, forcing himself to keep up his strong facade even though he felt like crying.

He had hurt you so much. And while he had let himself believe that things were better after the long talk you had the night before, it obviously hadn't been enough yet. Deep down you still didn't trust him enough to commit to this relationship as much as he did. With his jaw clenching for a moment he silently swore to himself that he would do everything it took for you to see that your fears were for no reason.

"We'll wake up Monday morning next to each other and get ready like we always do," he started with a smile playing on his lips. "We're going to walk out of this building and I will hold your hand the entire time while I'm bringing you to your first lecture before I'll have to run halfway across campus to get to my lecture in time. And at night we'll make dinner together and get cuddled up on the couch while we watch Netflix until we get tired and head to bed. Or you'll fall asleep on my chest and I'll carry you to bed," He told you, a slow smile spreading over your lips.

Your hands reached up to grip his arms, your fingers brushing over the inside of his wrist while he gently tilted your head up so you looked into his eyes before he continued. He would be lying if he said that his heart didn't beat a bit faster with his next words.

“A few years down the road we might move out of here into a nicer apartment or even into a completely different town, who knows. We might have weekly date nights. We might go on crazy and spontaneous road trips. Maybe we'll get to travel and see a lot more of the world once we're out of college and are financially stable. And one day I might get you a pretty ring and get down on one knee in front of you," he grinned, bending down to place a kiss on your forehead. You let your eyes fall shut as his nose playfully nudged yours before he leaned his forehead against yours. "Fact is-" he tilted your head up and stole a soft kiss from your lips, "I'm yours. For as long as you want me."

[bifrostbookreviews]

How to Read 200 Books in 1 Year

Trust me, I’m a Professional

Note: this picture does not include every book I read, it’s just how many bookmarks I filled up in 2018.

Post below the Cut for Brevity:

So, I read 200 books in 2018. It was my third attempt to do so; in 2016 I read ~150, in 2017 I read ~110, and this year, come hell or high water, I was going to finish this stupid challenge so I’d never have to attempt it again.

I want to start this post off by saying I absolutely do not recommend reading 200 books in one year. I felt the book hangover in the very fibers of my being. I had to cancel plans so I could get my reading done. At one point, I had some personal things going on so I didn’t read for ~3 weeks when I was already behind, ended up like 26 books behind schedule and Goodreads was telling me I had to read 5 books a week to catch up and I was absolutely freaking out. There were books I couldn’t fully enjoy because I was pushing myself so hard to get to the end that I couldn’t just stop and process and enjoy them. It was annoying and I’m personally never doing this again. If you are on the fence about trying to do a challenge like this... don’t. Or pick something more reasonable, like 100-150 books.

That said, this post is written for the hardcore book nerds like me, where the struggle doesn’t matter, you just want to be so over the top in your book nerdiness you’re gonna attempt 200 books anyway. It took me 3 solid attempts to be successful, and I’ve learned a lot about what to do. I want to impart this knowledge out there, so anyone else trying it can have a general guide on how to get this done. 

Without further ado, here’s how to read 200 books in one year. These aren’t in particular order, they’re just written as they came to mind.

1. Understand what you’re getting into. This was the biggest mistake I made in the previous two years. There’s only 365 days in a year, and if you have 200 books to read, guess what? You basically have to finish a book every 2 days. You need to go in understanding that 3-4 hours of your day will be spent on uninterrupted reading every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a row. That’s what it takes to pull this off, and the sooner you grasp that, the more successful you’ll be over all.

2. Read every genre / don’t read bad books / don’t be ashamed of short books / don’t avoid long books. I know this is a 4-in-1, but they all come down to the same thing: avoiding BOOK BURNOUT. I cannot stress this enough: do not go into this challenge thinking you’re only going to read books in one or two genres. You will drive yourself crazy. Even if in the past, you only read mysteries or you’re only here for YA, trust me when I tell you that you’ll get absolutely sick of your regular genre. Make sure you find books that are completely different from each other. Even if you don’t like them, it’s important to try and switch things up.

That said, don’t force yourself to slog through a book that you aren’t feeling. I give all of my books 50 pages to hook me, and if I’m not absolutely into it by then, I move on. I do this intentionally, because if I’m not enthralled, I become a slow, distracted reader, and then I fall behind, and then I’ll end up 2 weeks behind and it’s not even that I didn’t want to read, it’s that I didn’t want to read this one particular book. I will also sometimes give up at the halfway point and count them as read, because I gave them a solid chance and I’ve gleaned enough to write a Goodreads review about it and spent upwards of 3 hours on it.

I also want to talk about book length, as well. This also has a lot to do with pacing, which I’ll talk more about later so forgive me if this is wonky, but here goes. You need to read books that average a certain page limit. My personal reading limit is ~200 pages a day without inciting a major book hangover. This may be different for you, but it’s important that you become really familiar with where that boundary is, and pick books to read that are no more than twice your daily limit for your day to day reading. If you can muster 150 pages a day, then you should be reading ON AVERAGE books that are around 300 pages and finishing one every 2 days. 

That said, one of my life-savers when I got behind was keeping a stack of novellas, poetry collections, and Goosebumps on hand. There are going to be days you’re too busy to read; you will need emergency books that only take half an hour of reading to get through.

By the same token, don’t discard long books. The Game of Thrones series actually got me out of a reading slump in 2018 despite each book having 1,000+ pages. I just didn’t try to read them in 2 days; instead I would read 30 pages a day on days where I had wiggle room or some extra time to pick at it. I recommend doing the same on books that you really want to read but can’t justify reading all at once, because otherwise, you’ll just wind up frustrated that you’re reading things you don’t want to be.

3. Befriend and support your local indy bookstore. Fair warning, I’m biased, but hear me out. When you’re trying to read 200 books in one year, you need a HUGE supply of books. You’re going to read new books, old books, books you’ve wanted to read for years and books you’ve never heard of before. You’re going to get books online, through friends, through the library, through thrift stores--everywhere. You will be a reading machine. Even if you own 200 books and you get rid of them as you go, you’re going to end the year owning more books than you started with--trust me. You may not know it yet, but you’re signing up for this.

If you have a local independent bookstore, go talk to the employees/owners there. Their job is not to go mark clearance, scan things, rearrange endcaps, and try as hard as possible to avoid you interrupting their daily work task, like it is at any big box retailer. Their job is to find you exactly what you want to read. They will be your Book Person. They will know what books are hot right now, they will have more recommendations than you know what to do with, if they have used books and do a trade in program their books will be cheaper than anything you find online, and if you reeeally get to know them they will probably throw in books - particularly pre-published galleys - for free (don’t tell them I said that). They also sell incredibly discounted books; at my store, specifically, we have a whole cart of books that are $1 each, and multiple bookcases of used hardcover books $3 each. It can be a lifesaver if you’re attempting this challenge on a budget.  

4. Read on different formats. Research shows that the majority of people read faster on digital devices than they do on paper, but that their comprehension is cut in half. I’m sure right now you’re probably thinking “ok, you just said to support local bookstores; why are you telling me to read on Kindle? Amazon is evil.” First off, you can procure e-books through the websites of some indy bookstores (like mine), which supports us and which we greatly appreciate. Second of all, there’s a lot of books offered online that simply aren’t available in bookstores (ex Chuck Tingle novellas). And third, I DO NOT recommending doing ALL of your reading on e-readers; your comprehension is going to suffer. With all of that said, I personally read twice as fast on my Kindle than I do reading the physical copy of a book (I tested it). It’s something to keep in mind.

5. Keep a steady pace / accept that you’ll fall behind / DON’T BINGE READ! I touched on this earlier with book length, but it’s SO, SO important to maintain a steady pace. What I ended up doing - and wish I had done from the beginning - was on any given book, I’d see how many pages total it had and mark the exact halfway point. That was how far I had to read. The next day, I knew I had to read to the end. Rinse, lather, repeat.

So what happens when you have a couple off days and you don’t get your reading done and now you’re behind? Your first inclination, I can tell you from experience, will be to try and catch up. ‘I can read 400 pages in a day,’ you’ll scoff before eating an entire book like it’s no different from a Netflix binge watch. Now you’re caught up. Problem solved... except it’s not, because the next day, you’re not going to want to look at a book. You’ve won yourself a book hangover, and you’re going to wind up even more behind than you started.

This is the reason why it’s important to keep short books on hand. Instead of binge reading, maintain your pace. Read your short books when you’re behind. If there’s a book you have to give up on, use the day to get farther in whatever long book you’re reading. DO NOT try to jack your pace beyond your daily limit and tell yourself that you can binge read without consequences. You can do that when you’re not doing this challenge.

6. Use a focus app. So this is my final advice, and it was an absolute lifesaver. I honestly don’t think I would have been able to complete this challenge without the Forest app on my phone. There are other focus apps that work just as well, but that’s the one I use. The way the focus app works is that you set a timer and it blocks you from using your phone until the timer goes off. In the case of Forest, it plants a tree and any time you unlock your phone it gives you a message like “stop phlubbing!” or “get back to work!” If you complete the timer, it plants a tree in your forest. If you ignore the timer and go on Facebook, it plants a dead tree in your forest.

I used to be really addicted to my phone and I would waste so much time just scrolling through social media or sending random texts, w.e, but because of this app all of my distractions were eliminated and I was able to consistently eke out time for my reading. I normally set 45 minute timers and I would usually be done with my scheduled reading within 3 or 4 rounds. Honestly, even if you’re not trying this challenge, I still recommend a focus app. It’s just a game changer with anything you’re trying to get done.

So yeah, that’s all. If you’ve kept on till the end, thank you SO MUCH! I know this is the longest post EVER, but reading 200 books a year isn’t easy--and I’m talkative. Please let me know if you’re trying this challenge out, or if you’re trying another challenge! How many books are you reading this year? Have you tried this before? Let me know.

[justanotherinterludeff]

16

I've been feelin’ like I'm crazy 'Cause I'm goin’ through your phone, look for somethin' wrong I can't find nothin' I must be trippin' tryna listen to my intuition Sayin' you're guilty So baby, just tell me

Gut Feeling x Ella Mai ft. H.E.R.

“Mm.” I hummed as I got comfortable in Mackai’s bed. The ride home was filled with nothing but laughs and jokes. The drinks he’d tossed back earlier had him feeling like a whole comedian. He made jokes about my head, and I had to humble him real quick, letting him know his was twice the size of mine. The nerve. 

His California King sized bed was such an upgrade from my full size in my room at Z and I’s apartment. My bed was everything, but the amount of space Kai had on his made me jealous. You could actually roll over a few times and not fall off the bed. It made it no better that his mom helped him decorate, the sheets were to die for. I had to remember to ask her what thread count they were.

“You enjoying yourself?” He chuckled. I opened one of my eyes to look over at him smirking from the en suite. “Definitely.” I laughed. I had kicked my sneakers and jean jacket off, but I was still clothed in the bralette and jeans I had picked out earlier. 

I shut my eyes again and heard him shuffling across the room. It was quiet for a second and I heard him rustling through his draws. Something hit my arm, and I opened both of my eyes to see one of his shirts. I smiled. 

“Babe, can you take these jeans off me please?” I whined. The pet name slipped off my lips so much easier these days. Kai was mine... just not officially. But, I was okay with that. For now. 

“Come here.” He mumbled. He got to the side of the bed I was on, and pulled me to him, using only my legs. I couldn’t stop laughing. “Why you put these shits on if you can’t take them off?” He asked. “I can take them off, I just wanted you to do it.” I let him know. 

He arched his brow as I lifted myself up so he could pull them down. Once they were off me, I smirked at him peaking at my lace panties. I played dumb as I watched him fold my jeans and set them aside. I sat up and pulled my bralette off. I sat bare chested, smirking at him. He licked his lips and returned the smirk. “You ain’t gonna put the shirt on?” He asked. I shook my head ‘no.’

Sexual frustration isn’t something people should go through! This shit could really have you out of your mind. I swear if I knew this is what... withdrawal felt like, I would have stayed a virgin, I swear. Of course as a virgin, I got horny. But knowing what I was missing, made it even worse.

Having Kai around was no better either. I wanted to jump his bones every time he licked his lips. Shit was so ironic, I was the one saying I didn’t just wanna be fucked by him, but here I was- silently hoping he would just touch me. Nothing went pass the intense kissing and occasional feel up. But that alone would set my ass on fire. 

“See something you like?” I teased. Instead of answering my question, he leaned down and kissed me. “Put the shirt on.” He mumbled on my lips after he pulled away. I looked him in his eyes, seeing he was serious. The scowl etched on my face made him chuckle. 

I climbed back to the top of the bed and pulled the shirt on. I laid back, arms crossed, and pout on my face. He pulled his shirt off and disappeared into his bathroom. When I heard the shower start, I groaned and rolled over onto his side of the bed. 

It sounded crazy, but the fact that he was respecting my wishes of us not rushing sex, just made me want to have sex with him even more. Like..? I swear this is why men think women are complicated.

I couldn’t believe this was where we were. Two whole months into dating Kai and not once had he tried anything. I mean, I didn’t want to rush either, but this couldn’t be real life. I had needs, and as a man, I knew he did to. And if he wasn’t having sex with me... he had to be getting it somewhere else. Right?

I sighed. I was too in my head about this. I was literally in here, talking to myself. Was this what lack of sex did to people? I needed to chill. I shook the thoughts out of my head. I grabbed the remote from the bedside table and turned the TV on. I switched to Netflix and found something to watched. 

I settled on the “She’s Gotta Have It” series. I was already in love with Mars. Halfway into the episode, his phone buzzed from the night stand. I looked at the time on the alarm clock, 1:04 am, and then back to the screen. It’s not your business, Nae. Instead of thinking too hard about it, I immersed myself in the series... until Kai decided to step out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his bottom half. The water still visible on his tattooed arms, chest, and abs. 

He payed me no mind as he sauntered around the room. He dried himself off and dropped the towel. He pulled on a pair boxers and then some shorts. See? This was the shit that made me wanna fight him. “Can you take me home?” I asked in a firm voice. “You wanna go home?” He repeated like he didn’t just hear me clearly. “Yeah.” “Why?” “Because.” He kissed his teeth. 

“What’s the problem Naomi?” He swore he was so slick. “Kai, stop playing with me. I know what you’re doing.” “What am I doing?” He played dumb. I stared at him, watching the smile slowly take over his face. “... Okay.” I reached for my jeans and he started cracking up. 

“Aight, aight. Chill.” He laughed, pulling the jeans from my hands. I rolled my eyes at him while he got comfortable in the bed. He somewhat sat up against the headboard, and I couldn’t help myself but to cuddle up into him. He smelled so good, I couldn’t help but sigh. I laid my head against his torso, making sure to rub over his naked abs. 

“This what you in here watching?” He asked pulling me out of my trance. I glanced up at the television and noticed Nola and Mars having sex. Well shit, one of us deserves to have fun tonight. “He ain’t even stroking her shit right. You gotta make sure them thighs pushed all the way back. Touching the mattress type shit.” He grumbled before putting his interest back into his phone. 

My eyes closed at the thought. Having Mackai in between my leg...having him push them back into the mattress, while looking deep into my eyes. My body grew hot at the the fantasy. I unconsciously squeezed my thighs together and let out a breath. 

Once I opened my eyes, I could tell Kai was no longer interested in the show. He didn’t even bother to pretend he was either. He kept his head in his phone, but it didn’t bother me. I knew he had to be handling business. I looked up at him, seeing how focused he was. He was so fine, I thought as I admired his features.

I looked down at the Supreme boxers he wore underneath the basketball shorts. I could see his print through the shorts, and I bit my lip.  I accidentally, on purpose slid my hands over his shorts slowly. “Sorry.” I apologized quietly. I didn’t even bother to look up at him. I did it again, before I found myself gripping him through his shorts. Jesus. 

“Damn Kai.” I examined how big he was in my hand. He wasn’t even hard. Oh my God. “Nae, what the fuck?” He was cracking up. “What’s wrong with you?” He asked swatting my hand away from him. “So that’s what it is? That why these hoes can’t leave you alone?” He found my questions amusing, still cackling. 

I had seen Kai’s dick print time and time again. And of course, I was impressed. But it was different to a have that thing in my hand! The boy was blessed. The arguments and fights these girls would have over him back in the days all made sense now! It was as clear as day. 

“I’m shook.” I professed, sitting up and against the headboard. He was still laughing. “You a trip yo.” He shook his head. “Kaiiiii, I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me!” I sighed. He continued to laugh. “I’m glad this is funny to you.” Another chuckle. 

I rolled my eyes. After his laughter died out, we sat in silence. Why was I not getting dicked down right now? Felt up? Something! I was literally yearning for this man’s touch. Is this what they meant by being careful of what you wish for? Because I was slowly, and surely regretting it. 

“You still fucking other girls Kai?” I asked. I was honestly afraid of the answer he was about to give. Not because I knew it would hurt my feelings, but because I knew I’d end up beating his ass in this room. The silence made me look over at him. 

Still immersed in his phone, I smacked my lips. “Hello? You don’t hear me talking to you?” He kissed his teeth. “Nah. Now go on with that bullshit.” He muttered. “How is it bullshit Kai? I just asked a simple question. Yes or no?” I was starting to get mad. Why couldn’t he just answer a simple question?

More silence. 

“Yes or no Kai?” “Nae, didn’t I just tell yo ass to go on with that bullshit?” “Kai, you really about to piss me off. Just answer the damn question!” I raised my voice. “You better calm yo little ass down.” He mumbled, not looking away from his phone. It sounded like more of a warning, if anything, but I wasn’t about to back down. 

“Or what Kai? Or what? You lied to me!” He chuckled bitterly, and shook his head. “Crazy ass girl dawg.” He muttered to himself. “Crazy? Imma show you crazy!” I stood up in the bed. I snatched the phone out his hand. “Which one of these bitches is texting you this late? You don’t even have the decency to hide the shit!” I yelled. 

I looked down at the iPhone screen to see a webpage for sports cars. I exited the safari to his messages, scanning my way from the top to the bottom. There were messages from unsaved numbers, but once I went to the thread they either were from months ago, the number had been blocked, or both.

I took my seat back in the bed. Social media was next.. Dozens on dozens of heart eye emojis flooded his comments and DMs. None of the recent ones were met with answers. I shut my eyes and sighed. Crazy ass girl, what are you doing? That’s all I could ask myself. 

“Here.” He said passing me another iPhone. When I didn’t take it from him, he dropped it on the bed. “111363 is the password for both of em. Go crazy.” He stated. He exited his room, and I just stood there, looking stupid. I groaned and sat on my knees. I locked the first phone before putting them both on the side table.

I pushed myself off the bed and made my way around the spacious three bedroom condo. Juju wasn’t here, she had been MIA all week. Claiming to have been busy, but I wasn’t gonna stress her. If she was busy she was busy. I found him in the living room, slumped on the couch, scrolling through the channels. 

“You ready to go?” He asked keeping his eyes on the screen. “To go?” I was confused. “Yeah, I’m taking you home.” Without giving me time to process, he shut the TV off and got up from the coach. I followed behind him as he headed back to his bedroom. “Mackai.” I called as he ignored me and disappeared into his closet. 

Once he emerced, he had pulled on a hoodie, socks, and slides. He then started to gather my things; my phone, sandals, bralette, and jeans. 

“Kai, you really kicking me out right now?” I was really at a loss for words right now. He didn’t respond. The look on his face read boredom. I snatched my jeans and slipped them on before grabbing my phone and shoes. I headed for the front door with him on my tail. I swung the door open and waited until he hit the locks of his Jaguar. 

I opened the passenger door and made it my business to slam that shit. Fuck him and this dumbass sports car. I heard him chuckle darkly before he slipped into his seat. He pulled out of his driveway and we rode in silence toward my apartment. I stayed my ass quiet, because honestly, I was too drained to argue. I knew I was wrong for accusing him, but kicking me out?

When we pulled into my complex, he didn’t even bother parking in the closet spot. Instead, he pulled up to the front of my building and put the car in park. “I don’t know what kind of niggas you was dealing with before me, and I don’t care what kind of nigga you thought I was before we got together. I told you, if we was gonna do this, I was gonna be all in. I cut all the bullshit I was doing before you said you’d give me a chance. I put time and effort into this.”

He continued, looking straight ahead. “And you still questioning my intentions. I haven’t done anything wrong, and I never plan to. But, if you feel like in the back of your mind, I would treat you in any way, shape or form anything less than you deserve, we should just dead this right now. I don’t wanna waste your time and I damn sure ain’t tryna waste mine.” 

“Kai, it’s-” “Nah, Naomi.” My first name? Not “Nae” or “baby?” He was pissed. “I don’t got time for this shit. I told you what it was, and you know how I am about my word. These past few months I’ve done my best to show you I was serious, and you here accusing me of some bullshit.” He finally chuckled. “I’m cool on this shit.” 

“Mackai, I didn’t mean to- Look. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you-” “To be honest with you Naomi, I really don’t give a fuck about nothing you have to say to me right now.” He spat so calmly and coldly. 

I was stuck.

I honestly didn’t know what to say.. what to do. I had never seen Kai this mad in my life. I sat there looking at him with the stupid pout on my face. I could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry in this car. I pulled my seat belt off and exited the car silently, making sure not to slam the door again. I walked up the steps, I was surprised when I didn’t hear him speed off. It wasn’t until I was inside and shutting the door behind me, I heard the Jaguar speed off. 

I kicked my shoes off at the door, and dragged myself to my room. I noticed Z’s TV was on, but honestly, I didn’t wanna be a bother. I waltzed into my room and shut the door. I shed my jeans and Kai’s shirt from my body and went to turn my shower on. I let the water warm up while I picked some clothes out to sleep in. Ironically, I settled on a pair of Kai’s boxers and a Ralph Lauren shirt he had left here. 

I connected my phone to my Beats Pill and let my Hurt Hoe playlist blast all through my room. The sounds of Monica and Mary J. Blige rang through my room as I showered. I was probably being dramatic, but right now I didn’t care. I let all the hot water pelt my body and take away all my stress. I sighed as I began thinking about tonight. 

There was no doubt in my mind that I was wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

I cursed at myself silently for potentially ruining everything we started to build. This self-sabotaging shit was for the birds. I just hoped that Mackai would hear me out and give me an opportunity to plead my case and give me a second chance. 

After washing, I exited the shower and got dressed before laying down. I laid there staring at the ceiling as Jazmine Sullivan’s voice sounded through my room. I turned the music down and got more comfortable under my covers. It wasn’t before long that I felt my eyes get heavier and heavier. 

I wasn’t sure about how long I had been asleep, but I jolted out of my sleep because I heard my phone ringing. I shot up and looked over at the alarm clock to see 3:58 am. I felt around my night stand for my phone and was surprised to see Mackai’s name on my screen. 

I clicked accept, and before I could even greet him, his deep voice boomed from the other end. “Come open the door.” Again, he didn’t let me get a word in before he hung up. I rolled my eyes at his antics, but still obeyed his orders. 

I scurried to the front door and swung it open for him. He was dressed differently from earlier. He donned a black hoodie instead of the grey one he pulled on earlier, all black jeans, and the black Timberland boots I loved to see him in. The scent of the Dior cologne I bought him radiated from his frame and I could see the slugs in his mouth. 

Great. 

He stepped in without invitation and I shut the door. He made me lead the way to my room. I was surprised when I felt him get dangerously close behind me and wrap me in a bear hug from behind. His scent engulfed me all at once and I could only shut my eyes as we waddled toward my room together. 

Once we were inside, he hoisted me up quickly and I couldn’t help the screech that came from my lips. He shushed me and threw me on the bed. “I still got some sweats over here?” He asked as he kicked his boots off. I leaned over and pulled the bottom drawer open to fish them out for him. 

A sting to my ass came right after and I had to hold back the scream that wanted to escape me. I knew Z was home and it was late as hell. “That hurt!” I exclaimed as I threw the shorts at him. “My bad.” He chuckled sexily. I watched as he emptied his pockets and  rid himself of the jeans, hoodie, and watch before slipping on the sweatpants.

He got in the bed and made it his mission to pull me in close, and I swear my heart melted. “We gon talk about everything in the morning. Go back to sleep.” He said before planting a kiss on my shoulder. I didn’t even respond. I shut my eyes and let sleep consume me for the second time tonight. 

[awthredestim]

Boy it’s been a fucking dreary, long, miserable fucking year, hasn’t it? I remember making this stupid gif for the sake of making more blog posts like this one, ranting about whatever or what not...yeah, that ended up going the way of the Dodo.

Let’s talk about movies.

So this year hasn’t given me that many movies to watch, quite frankly. I won’t lie when I say there’s very few movies I’ve seen this year that I can say have been awful. I have been disappointed by many of them, but none of them have made me go “Well, time to find another hobby”.

I’m going to structure this differently. No Top Fives, no structure, just movie talk and that’s it.

So let’s get the disappointments out of the way.

MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

Not like the previous movie had much going for it to begin with, but it left me wanting to watch it again (and for a while I re-watched the first Jurassic World at least once every couple of days). Fallen Kingdom is just complete and utter lunacy, yet it never dares going full crazy.

What’s worse than a movie that switches gears halfway through and goes from monster feature to gothic horror story? A movie that’s also boring, over-written, and which features Christ Pratt and Jeff Goldblum, and yet doesn’t put them together in any of the scenes.

MOST HORRIFYING MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

2017 was kind of a dry spell in the horror movie department, with a couple of alright exceptions, but 2018 has been strong in that one. “Hereditary” has been one of those movies I’ve kept thinking on throughout the whole year, because of how restrained and subtle it stays in this day and age of jump scares, orchestra strings, and fast food horror flicks.

A movie that’s just as horrifying as “Rosemary’s Baby” and yet it stays original and interesting all the way through, without losing the grip on the story or characters. So tense that the audience I watched it with was in shock until the very end. Then we all walked out of the theater trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

MOST ENTERTAINING/FUN MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

You can call it cash-cow all you want, but there’s no denying it. I haven’t had this much fun with a movie in quite some time, and while it gets lost in the myriad of pop culture references every now and then, there’s a lot of heart, joy and downright fun in seeing this movie unfurl before my eyes.

And there’s even more joy to be found in the reactions I’ve gotten from friends when they get to “The Shinning” segment or when the Gundam shows up. A movie that’s crazy and that feels like a neat closure to this ridiculous 80′s revival we’ve been into for the past five years.

MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

Poor Ryan Gosling. First “Blade Runner 2049″ gets the shaft, and now “First Man” gets ignored by everyone (and lost in a rather ridiculous controversy). Despite the bad luck with the box office, “First Man” is perhaps the most relevant movie about space exploration since the HBO Mini Series “From the Earth to the Moon”.

A movie that switches back and forth from the fragility and humanity of Neil Armstrong, while praising his dedication and determination in his task, not shying away from the toll and torture this is for his loved ones. Despite knowing how it ends, it sure feels satisfying to see him landing on the Moon.

MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

There is a lot of “spiritual successor” terms being thrown around about movies lately, so I don’t say this lightly. “Annihilation” is a hardcore spiritual successor to John Carpenter’s “The Thing”. To paraphrase RedLetterMedia, it’s clever, well written, and it doesn’t treat its audience like they’re fucking idiots...and nobody went to see it. It got shoved on Netflix, where I’d recommend you all to go see right now.

This movie made me both really happy but also really depressed. It made me realize that we don’t need to go to the theater anymore to get movies like this, movies that are both entertaining but also smart, gorgeous to look at, and fun. I watched this in the comfort of my bedroom, being able to pause it to take bathroom breaks, and without having to wear shoes.

It made me realize that movie theaters are done for, destined to become Disney and Marvel boxes, constantly playing animated movies, live action remakes, Star Wars sequels and tons of superhero movies. Although Disney is also looking into their own streaming service, so maybe theaters will just become abandoned, like what happened with Blockbuster.

What a depressing fucking year. Let’s see what 2019 brings to the table, though I’m not holding my breath all that much.

[thehappyspaceman]

The Dragon Prince Recap/Review (Season One)

Hey guys, Spaceman here. I know you’re probably wondering where my Favorite Christmas Songs video is by now, or where really any content whatsoever is. Well, the truth is that I spent the first part of this month and most of last month preparing for an entrance audition for a particular music college, whose name I can’t currently disclose (I want to be sure I get in before I talk about it), hence the lack of new content. But that’s all over now, so I’m prepared to get back to work on videos, art, and possibly even music! Yeah, remember when I did music? Anyway, while I’m working on that, I thought I’d write something to keep you guys interested.

Many of you may be aware of this, but from August to September of last year, I really got into Avatar: The Last Airbender. It’s my current obsession and even took the title of my favorite animated series of all time from the previous holder, Gargoyles, which was no small feat. It got to the point where after I finished watching it, I felt a bit of a hole in my life and needed to find something else to replace it. This is when I heard about Netflix’s series The Dragon Prince, which was described as being similar to Avatar, as well as being created by Avatar’s director Aaron Ehasz and featuring the involvement of some of Avatar’s cast and crew. I watched it and��� thought it was okay? Just okay, but not great. This month, however, news was released that it was getting a second season, and I was interested, so I figured I might as well watch it again and type out my thoughts. How was it? Let’s take a look.

The Story

The Dragon Prince is set in a world where humans and elves are in conflict. There’s a lengthy explanation for this, which the show thankfully provides at the start of the first episode.

Don’t worry; you don’t have to watch this in every episode. Anyway, the egg of the dragon king is presumed destroyed, and is imminent war between the elves and humans. As both sides prepare for the war, the elves attempt to assassinate the human King Harrow and his heir, the young Prince Ezran; however, during the attack, fifteen-year-old elf Rayla discovers that the egg was not destroyed, but rather stolen. Rayla teams up with Ezran and his half-brother, Callum, to deliver the egg back to the dragons. Meanwhile, Harrow’s advisor, the mage Lord Viren, is intent on war, and sends his own children Claudia and Soren after our heroes.

That’s just the really condensed version of the plot. During the nine episodes in season one, there is a lot of exposition and a lot of other things happen that I haven’t even mentioned. I would do an episode-by-episode recap for this show, but honestly, they all kind of blend together. Unlike with other animated shows I’ve watched recently, there aren’t really any standalone episodes I can think of. Each one kind of just moves straight into the next, which I guess makes sense for a series on Netflix, a service notorious for encouraging binge-watching.

The very first thing I noticed about The Dragon Prince was that it doesn’t really have any true antagonist on either side (at first). Like, you can’t really say, “Oh, the elves are evil,” or “Oh, the humans are evil.” I was super skeptical when the intro described that the humans were to blame for a lot of the problems, including discovering dark magic and slaying the Dragon King, but the intro also pits the elves in the wrong, showing them banishing all the humans instead of just banishing the few who discovered dark magic.

That leads me into discussing a major theme that’s prevalent at least in season one, the theme of prejudice and tolerance. From the few things that the humans know about the elves, they are painted as horrific killers. Humans think of elves as being bloodthirsty killers—literally and figuratively—and the elves are similarly shown holding stereotypes about humans. The fact that Callum and Ezran teamed up with Rayla was only due to the circumstances; it takes several episodes before they are able to fully trust one another. This is a theme that I’ve also seen done well in another favorite fantasy show of mine, Gargoyles.

Admittedly, a few parts of this story seem rather derivative, such as the six primal sources of magic being reminiscent of the Four Elements from Avatar, which leads me to the next topic…

The World

I will admit that it’s not entirely fair to judge a TV show based on its first nine episodes. Granted, I usually hold the policy that if a show’s first five episodes don’t get you hooked, then you should not be required to keep watching (take note, Steven Universe fans). The thing is, this show did get me interested, and I want to see it continue to develop, because what we have so far isn’t much. It kind of just feels like a standard fantasy world, with elves, dragons, castles, and assorted monsters, which, okay, is a tried and true formula by Tolkien and others, but after the world of Avatar, with its focus on Asian culture, its unique animals, and its nearly steampunk technology, I can’t help but feel like this is a slight step down.

That’s not to say that it’s bad, of course. There are a few things that make it really pop out and feel real. The background art, for one, is incredible. Some of the monsters feel unique, too, like those on the Cursed Caldera—one of them even kind of looks like a graboid from Tremors. Also, I like what they did with the elves’ design here. They could have easily just made them pale humans with pointy ears, but instead they put a lot of detail into it, giving the different groups of elves different skin colors, horns, and having them have only four fingers instead of five. Those are some nice touches.

The Characters

Let’s move on to the characters, starting with Rayla, who is easily my favorite character of the group. She admittedly has a bit of a Zuko thing going on, as she was assigned to hunt down the main characters but turns against her original group to help join the main characters on her mission. Other subtle details are similar, too, like her long-lasting inner conflict with her past and her use of dual swords. That said, her journey is a little different; for one thing, Zuko took nearly the entire run of Avatar to fully go through his heel-face turn, only switching sides halfway through the show’s final season. With Rayla, she joins the heroes in the third episode, which cuts out much of the emotional journey but also lends itself to more interactions with the human characters. She’s much funnier, for another thing, giving her share of snide remarks but also scoring a bunch of laughs when she goes undercover disguised as a human in one of the episodes—can you say, “How do you do, fellow kids humans?” Paula Burrows delivers a great vocal performance, which adds to the character.

Next up is Callum, the main human lead. Now, it’s incredibly easy to draw comparisons between his character and Sokka: Both are goofy, “normal” teenage boys in a world filled with magic, not very adept with fighting but good at planning things. More importantly, of course, is the fact that Callum is literally voiced by Sokka’s voice actor, Jack DeSena. Comparisons… were gonna pop up, is what I’m saying. And I’ll admit that the first time I watched The Dragon Prince, it was super jarring to hear Sokka’s voice coming out of Callum every time he talked. But there are some differences. While in Avatar, Sokka is the most responsible member of the group and the only one with any real degree of survival training, Callum is more inexperienced and callow, not good with a sword and only starting to learn magic. He’s also noticeably more chill and less panicky than the Sokka of season one of Avatar and shows that he can actually draw much better. Though considering Sokka’s drawing ability…

…that’s not really saying much.

Now to move on to Ezran, Callum’s half-brother. I have to admit, of the main characters, he’s probably the weakest, at least to me. I don’t know, he kind of feels a bit flat as a character. All I remember about him is the fact that he can understand animals, which is unique, but he doesn’t really have much of a personality aside from just being your typical kid. I know, it’s not easy to characterize a small child whilst making them believable… though again, Avatar managed to do so well. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t keep comparing these two shows, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t super easy.

Not helping is Ezran’s pet, a glow toad named Bait. As far as animal sidekicks go, I definitely prefer Appa from Avatar; hell, even Momo managed to get a few asskicking moments. Bait kind of just lies around and eats stuff. Several times, he manages to get the main characters into trouble, which I found a little bothersome. The one good thing about him is that his glowing abilities do come in handy a few times to temporarily blind enemies, though… I’ll get back to that later.

The trio is pursued by siblings Soren and Claudia. Soren is a young knight and a bit of a dumb jock but has a heart of gold. Claudia, meanwhile, is a nerdy mage who comes off as a bit awkward. They are always fun when they are on screen and have a believable relationship. It’s also worth noting that early on, Callum is revealed to have a crush on Claudia, which… oh boy, let’s hope the shipping discourse in The Dragon Prince’s fandom doesn’t get as bad as the Avatar fandom. I can already see a potential clash between the Claudia/Callum and Rayla/Callum crowds. (Full disclosure: I’m on the Rayla/Callum side.)

The other characters were cool, too. For as little time as we got to know him, I liked King Harrow, Ezran’s father. Even for his cringey dad humor, he was an intriguing character. It’s hinted that there was a lot of stuff in his past that we don’t know about, like his involvement with dark magic. Also intriguing was Lord Viren, Soren and Claudia’s father. It’s easy to see that he was once good and still has some good in him, as shown by his friendship with Harrow, but he has been corrupted by his use of dark magic and is too far gone. Finally, Aunt Amaya, Callum and Ezran’s deaf aunt who’s a solder on the frontlines, was another character I wound up loving. It’s rare that we see people with disabilities get good representation in animated series (another thing I loved about Avatar with the blind character Toph).

But okay, if we’re going to talk about this show, then I might as well bring up the one criticism that every other critic has already made about it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

The Animation

Yes, among all the mixed reviews of this show, one consistent criticism was the animation. It seems to be CGI, but is going for a 2D, hand-drawn look; unfortunately, the way the pull it off is not necessarily the greatest. Take a look at the trailer for an example of what I’m talking about.

No, your computer is not glitching out; that is the framerate they went with. And this choppiness is something that seems to be a trend with certain CGI shows outside of this one, with Rooster Teeth being the most notorious offender. If they really wanted to make it look 2D, they should have actually animated it hand-drawn. Doing this just pulls me out of the moment. (Oddly enough, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse does something very similar with its framerate, yet I don’t have any problem with that movie doing it.)

To be entirely fair, this is something that Aaron Ehasz has acknowledged. Apparently, season one was given a very low budget, and he has promised that season two will have a steadier framerate. Judging by the trailers I’ve seen for season two… yeah, it already looks way better. Also, with my second watch of season one, I found it much easier to look past. Maybe I was just used to it by then?

Assorted Other Stuff

Warning: This section goes into minor spoiler territory. I would highly advise not reading past this if you want to remain spoiler-free when you go into season one. Got it? Alright.

One other complaint I have had is the comedy, which is really hit-or-miss in a lot of places. As I mentioned before, the scenes where Rayla is disguised as a human are hilarious, and some of the snarky dialogue is also witty as hell, but there are other moments with awkward puns and some potty humor that just feel forced to me. There’s one scene in episode six where Callum is obviously having an erotic dream about Claudia, which seemed unfitting for this show… though to be fair, Avatar also had its share of adult humor.

See also.

Another awkward tidbit is that twice, when Ezran is about to use Bait’s ability to blind his enemies, he says the line, “Say hello to my little friend,” an obvious shout-out to the classic 1983 gangster film Scarface. My question is, why is that line thrown in there? Are most kids going to catch that reference? Call me strange, but regardless of what adult fanbase this show will capture (which, let’s be honest, it will), I highly doubt its target audience is watching Brian De Palma films.

Though maybe they should be.

Speaking of strange homages… well… take a look. 

Your eyes don’t deceive you. Rayla is doing the infamous Naruto run, where you extend your arms out behind you as you run forward. And she and the other elves do this run multiple times during the show, too. It is neither practical nor particularly cool-looking, so I don’t know why this was done in the original show, and I genuinely hope this was only meant as an homage, because… again, it’s really damn silly.

The soundtrack of this show is rather nice, I will say. It’s not as memorable as Avatar or Gargoyles’, but I did find myself humming the end credits theme song after finishing watching. Speaking of which, during the credits, we get some cute drawings of the characters, some of which connect to the episode, others are apparently meant as foreshadowing for later episodes and plot points. If you watch this show, definitely do not skip the credits.

Now, as for stuff that I hope for the new season. I would like to know more about the cube that Callum and Rayla found at the winter lodge. It seems to have some kind of connection with the Primal Sources. Also, the mysterious magical mirror, I hope we can find out something about that. It was foreshadowed pretty heavily in episode eight, so I doubt they won’t do anything with it. Speaking of magic, I’d love to see Callum do more magic in the new season. It probably won’t be more wind magic, since he destroyed the sphere to birth the dragon, but Callum clearly has potential to become a great mage. Also, I would love to find out more about King Harrow’s past, as well as more about Callum and Ezran’s deceased mother, the Queen. We see Viren and Amaya mourning her by her gravesite in one scene, and Callum drawing her in another. How did she die? What was she like? These are all worthwhile questions for season two, or for future seasons after season two depending on how long the show goes for.

Conclusion

The Dragon Prince is a worthwhile watch. It’s nowhere near as great as Avatar or Gargoyles yet, and it is still clearly paving its own identity, but I still find it enjoyable enough and feel that it has potential for greatness. My main criticisms would be to up the animation quality and to develop the characters more, though my guess is that both will already happen in season two, which will be dropping later tomorrow, February 15.

But yeah, you have my attention, show. Don’t screw it up.

~Spaceman

[claitynroberts]

Captain Hook & Rapunzel

Part 1 of 3 —> Part 2 Part 3

Description: Reader insert; multi-part oneshot. The reader has been a member of Team Free Will for a year now. During an unexpected lull in jobs recently, you, Sam, Dean and Cas decide to attend Jo’s themed birthday party. During the events of the night, cards are shown and things definitely take an unexpected turn.

Author’s Note: This fic was written for @eyes-of-a-disney-princess and her Rapunzel’s Tangled Up With Supernatural Challenge, and it is my first ever reader insert, as well as SPN fanfic. I’ve tried so hard to authentically portray the beautiful characters of the series, but I’m only human so please bear with me! I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Contains: angst, some language, fluff, potential bad decisions, physical fighting/violence

Warnings: physical violence, taking advantage of a drunk female (the reader) is mentioned but never acted on thanks to a big muscular hunk ;)

If you find any other triggers that may affect readers please let me know and I’ll add them here

Word Count (parts 1-3): 7,106...sorry, it’s so long :D

*This pic isn’t mine, credit to the owners and Google images.

You had been a member of Team Free Will for some time now. Long enough to fall into a comfortable, yet predictable, routine with the boys. Research, road trip, more research, gank, repeat. Like washing your hair, or winning the nightly games of rock, paper, scissors with Dean when y’all fought over the bed in the motel room, it became second nature.

You and Sam had become pretty close during this time, especially since you both enjoyed the more brainiac side of things. Cas even seemed to enjoy your quiet company; it was the precarious friendship with Dean that could make things uncomfortable sometimes. It’s not that you two didn’t get along, but sometimes the bond you shared felt as if it went substantially deeper than either of you let on.

The strange lull in paranormal sightings and jobs recently was odd; and to say it was taking its toll was an understatement. As much as you enjoyed spending time with Sam and Dean, you had spent more idle time with the boys in the bunker over the last couple weeks than you ever have. It was beginning to strain the friendships between each of you.

To pass time, you and Sam had spent time together digging through old files, inventorying artifacts and cursed objects, and even brushing up on the obscure lore the Men of Letters left behind. Whenever the dust got to you and caused your allergies to act up, you would spend some time with Dean cleaning and oiling guns or helping tune up Baby. You even had a Netflix binge session with Cas one time, although you had to explain to him that ‘no, watching Grey’s anatomy did not train you to be a real doctor’ no matter how real it seemed.

On this particular day though, you had decided to spend some much needed time alone listening to music and catching up on your very large ‘to be read’ pile. Toward the halfway point of the dusty tome you liked to call ‘light reading,’ sleep began to pull at the edges of your consciousness. The soft rock on the radio combined with the heady scent of the musty pages lulled you into a light doze. About the time you decided to let go and surrender to the tide of sleep, allowing it to pull you under its soft current, the phone began buzzing. Loudly.

A tortured groan fell from your lips as you roused yourself enough to locate the damn thing. Pulling the phone out from under your hip you noticed Jo’s name on the screen.

“Girl, I love you and all, but you just called as I was drifting off into what was probably going to be the best nap of my life,” you grumble-whined into the receiver.

“Sorry, not sorry,” came her clear voice. “You think every nap is going to be the best nap of your life,” she shot back with mirth.

“Well, if I keep getting interrupted how am I supposed to be able to compare them, huh?” You said, using your most logical sounding, matter-of-fact voice.

“Listen, just give me two minutes, then you can return to your nap.” You could practically see her eyes roll.

“Fine. Your time starts now.”

“As you know my birthday is this weekend. So I am going to have a party. You, Sam, Dean, and Cas are invited.”

“Alright.” Sigh. “Do you need us to bring anything? Booze, food, boozy-food…” you replied with a giggle at your own joke.

“No smart-ass. Mom and I have it covered. Be at the Roadhouse Friday night around nine.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” You said, pantomiming a mock salute, although you knew she couldn’t see it.

“Oh! Before I forget. It’s a costume party. Theme is Modern Fairytales. Be sure to tell the boys.”

“I will never understand your obsession with costumes.” You groaned as your rubbed your thumb and index fingers across your forehead.

“It’s kinda like a scaled down Halloween in April.” She said.

“Alright, we’ll be there.” You replied, huffing an exasperated sigh,

“In costume!”

“Yes, in costume.” You acquiesced.

“Good! See y’all then!” Her voice was so chipper you could hear her face splitting smile, as she hung up and the line went dead.

You sat up and texted the guys, Family meeting. Kitchen. 5 minutes, and carefully placed the thick book on your nightstand. Switching off the radio as you walked out the door and toward the kitchen.

Padding down the hallway, you made it to the kitchen before the rest of the crew, your stomach growling very loud. Geez, I guess I shouldn’t have skipped lunch. Opening the pantry you noticed your favorite snack, (Y/snack of choice), was up on one of the higher shelves. This place was not designed with average size humans in mind, you thought. Raising up on your tiptoes and stretching out the rest of your body did nothing to help the situation, especially since you could just barely touch the corner of the package. Struggling to retrieve your bounty, you didn’t notice the figure behind you until he reached up and retrieved your snacks; his chest brushing the side of your arm and his wrist grazing your fingertips.

Startled, you whirled toward the intruder and let out a small yelp, soliciting a grin from him. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” You yelled, smacking him in the chest.

Feigning offense, he raised the snacks higher, “Oh, so you want me to just put these back, then?” He stopped in midair and quirked an eyebrow.

“Dean, no! I haven’t eaten all day, and all I want is my (snack of choice). Plus, that’s not where I left them, so some titan around here must have gotten into them.”

He threw his head back and let out a bellowing laugh as he handed you the package. “Titans. That was a clever one, (y/n).” Still grinning he leaned against the counter and set to work wiping the grease off his hands with the towel he was holding. “Of all the things we’ve ever been called, Titans was not one of them if I remember correctly.” He looked at you with a smirk, his eyes crinkling with mischief. “Weren’t titans devilishly handsome and well endowed in the...ahem...height department?” His eyebrow quirked up again, his flirtatious words making a scarlet blush rise to your cheeks. God, he was so attractive; not that you’d ever let him know that.

“I think that’s all wishful thinking,” you spat back while rolling your eyes. “Where are the other two at?”

He cleared his throat. “I think Sam is heading up from the archives, and Cas was watching something on Netflix last I checked.” His half smirk dropped and his eyes became heavy with concern as he remembered why he was called to the kitchen, “what’s up with the abrupt family meeting?”

“Nothing bad, I promise.” You raised your hand as if testifying in court.

With that sentence, all the tension left his face. The furrow between his eyes disappeared, and he relaxed his jaw which he had unknowingly been clenching. As you completed an inventory of him, watching his shoulders become less strained and his posture relax, you met his magnetic green eyes. They held yours for longer than you expected, deep green piercing into (y/ec), causing the moment to become charged with all the tension that had been building between the two of you for some time now. You were glad you had walked to the other side of the room earlier and put the kitchen table between you two; you’re not quite sure what would have happened in that moment had you been beside him. His body always beckoned you to touch him, always left you wondering what it would feel like to be wrapped up in his strong arms. To feel the short strands of his hair slide between your fingers as his lips crashed down on yours, molding to the shape of them.

The tension built and the visions of fantasy kept coursing on until a soft cough broke the two of you from your intense staring competition. “Ahem.” Someone cleared their throat from the kitchen doorway, breaking the spell and jolting you out of your reverie. You turned to see it was Sam and Cas, both of them looking at the two of you with inquisitive looks. “Did we interrupt something,” Sam asked, trying to contain his smirk. Appreciating his attempt to remain somewhat nonchalant.

Embarrassed you buried your face in your snack bag, attempting to hide your blush. Peeking up through your lashes you saw Dean rub the back of his neck with his right hand, and turn toward the cabinets to retrieve a glass, which he quickly filled up with water from the tap.

“Well, that’s not weird,” said Cas.

Chuckling, Sam agreed. Still looking between the two of you, but deciding to leave the awkward moment for later, he asked, “so why did we need a family meeting?”

“Oh! Jo is having a birthday party this Friday; and we are all invited.” You replied as nonchalantly as possible.

“That’s it?” Asked Dean. “I was in the middle of changing Baby’s oil. This could have waited for later, (y/n).” His voice was gruff and aggravated as he feigned outrage for interrupting his alone time with the classic Impala. To undiscerning ears he would have genuinely sounded angry, but you knew him better than that. He was attempting to save face by making it sound like he had better things to do than stand around the kitchen with you.

Rolling your eyes at him and his weird obsession with his car, you went on. “There’s one catch. It’s a themed party.”

“Huh-uh. No way am I dressing up to attend her birthday party.” Dean said adamantly.

“Okay, first of all, Dean, we all know you’re a closet nerd and secretly love LARPing. This is no different. Second of all, her theme is ‘Modern Fairytales’ so we have to come dressed as a modern interpretation of a fairytale character. Third of all, we are all going in costume. No ifs, ands, or buts.” Sometimes the only way to get through to these three lunk-heads was to put your foot down, hard.

“Dean, she’s right,” Sam agreed with a smothered chuckle, “and it sounds like fun.”

“I’m not sure what any of that means, but I am in as well,” said Cas.

“I’ve already got my costume planned.” You said to Dean, raising your eyebrow.

“Fine.” He replied, unhappily. “I’ll wear a costume. What are you two thinking of going as?” He jerked his chin at Sam and Cas.

“Nope.” You interrupted. “No stealing ideas. No piggybacking. No talking about costumes in general until we are ready to go to her party. Got it?”

“Fine”. All three of them replied at once.

This was going to make for an interesting evening, that was for sure.

——

Friday night finally came around, and you couldn’t deny it—you were pretty excited to see what the boys came up with. You had decided you were going to go as modern Rapunzel, your character being loosely based on the Disney version instead of the original tale. Since she was a sweet, sheltered girl, you thought a modern day version would wear a pretty floral sundress. The dress you chose was a pale pink color, trimmed in lace, with a beautiful pattern of cherry blossoms on the skirt and bodice; a white pair of ballerina flats adorned your feet, and a blonde waist length wig covered up your (y/hc) hair. After you had checked and double checked your outfit, you decided you were still missing something. After you thought for a minute you realized what it was.

Down in the kitchen you were rummaging through the cabinet beside the stove attempting to find the smaller skillet you knew you could carry around for an evening. As you were stooped down digging through the various pots and pans, Dean quietly walked up behind you, unbeknownst to you. “Let me guess, Cinderella?”

You raised up abruptly smacking the back of your head against the cabinet opening. “Son of a bitch,” you groaned as you retreated from the storage space with your pan. “No I’m not Cinderella,” you said rubbing the goose egg forming on the top of your skull. “And what is it with you always sneaking up on me?”

“What can I say,” he shrugged. “I’m silent but deadly.”

“You know you just compared yourself to a fart, right,” you asked as you turned around.

While he was silently contemplative, mouth gaping like a fish as he remembered the conversation and attempted to come up with a retort to explain it away, you got a look at him in his costume. Dark wash, nearly black jeans adorned his beautiful bow legs. He wore a dark maroon shirt, untucked, with the top two buttons unfastened and covered by a black leather jacket. His dark emerald eyes were rimmed in a line of kohl, and a ruby earring adorned his left ear. On his left hand, was a shiny silver hook with a black leather cuff; his trusty Colt 1911 strapped into a shoulder holster in lieu of a sword. The breath caught in your throat as you took in how attractively badass he looked.

Giving up on his internal dialogue, he asked, “Alright, Blondie, who are you supposed to be, then?” His words broke through the mental fog brought on by his presence.

“Rapunzel. Obviously.” You said as you brandished your frying pan at him.

“Gesundheit.”

“Smart ass.” You rolled your eyes. It’s a wonder they haven’t become stuck in the back of your head. “Where is your brother and Clarence, hmm?” You asked affectionately using Meg’s nickname for Cas; as the words left your lips you heard Sam and Cas arguing as they approached the kitchen doorway.

“Cas, I don’t think you understand the theme here,” Sam was finishing as they entered the room.

“You explained it to me and now I understand perfectly,” he began, “we are supposed to dress as modern interpretations of fairytale characters.” He looked between the three of you. “Dean is obviously Captain Hook, (y/n) is Cinderella, you are Prince Eric, and I am Aladdin.”

Sam facepalmed, and you spoke up, “Umm, I’m actually Rapunzel, Cas.” He looked at you confused, so you didn’t bother to elaborate on the finer points of fairytale/Disney lore. “How are you dressed like Aladdin?”

“Aladdin was a street urchin who stole in order to feed himself and his primate friend Abu. Street urchins today look like anyone else, just like he resembled the people surrounding him. Thus, by wearing my usual attire, I am Aladdin.” He grinned in self-satisfaction.

Your eyes became wide, a retort on the tip of your tongue, when you locked eyes with Dean; his expression telling you explaining things to Cas would take more time and energy than it was really worth. You let the subject drop. Looking over at Sam you realized he pulled off a great modern rendition of Prince Eric. He had on salmon colored shorts that fell a couple inches above the knee, boat shoes, a white oxford button down with the sleeves rolled up, and a navy colored sweater tied across his shoulders. A pair of Ray-bans covered his eyes and a captain’s hat sat atop his luscious mane of hair. Around his neck hung a sign with the words, “Have you seen Ariel,” written on it. You stifled a giggle, “nice costume there Sam.”

He grinned in thanks.

“Well, then. Should we blow this popsicle joint?” Dean asked with reluctance.

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen’s Rambling: Murder, Death, Kill!

Quick note folks, some mild spoilers to the Dangan Ronpa series, the Magical Girl Raising Project Series, and the Fate series up ahead.

Despite saying I’d stop keeping up with seasonal anime, I have been checking into the latest Death Battle Anime, Juni Taisen: Zodiac Wars for the past few months. This anime follows a type of genre I’d like to call Murder Death Kill, named after a line said by Rin Tosaka in BlazingAzureCrow’s UBW Abridged Series... and as of editing this essay, that series has updated to episode two, and as a sidenote I recommend checking it out because it is hilarious. 

But anyway, the Murder Death Kill genre is basically anything involving a death game, battle royale, or a general premise that is very focused on killing off established characters. Magical Girl Raising Project, Fate/Zero and Fate/Apocrypha, Future Dairy, Dangan Ronpa, the 999 series, and so on are all examples of this. I usually like to watch and play series like this because they help with my action fix or in the case of Dangan Ronpa and 999 I find the deaths and figuring out the end game a good brain scratcher. But... I don’t feel the same about Juni Taisen. I’m a little disappointed in it in fact. 

I think my main issue is the fact that the show is solely a death battle with no real reason for it. Just to catch some of my followers up to speed since I haven’t exactly been making noise about this, Juni Taisen is about a tournament that happens once every 12 years, where twelve factions/families representing each of the Chinese Zodiac send a representative with special abilities to fight to the death in a battle royale where the winner’s wish granted. So basically, it’s Fate/Stay Night: Zodiac Edition. This premise alone leaves me with some questions, but I’ll save that for later. For now, let me just break down a few of my issues with this anime. 

The Premise

Now I’m going to start asking those questions I had with the plot. The main one being if the Juni Taisen organization even can grant wishes in the first place. For all the special powers and abilities I’ve seen in the show, a lot of the rules of reality and laws of physics still apply. These are humans with special powers, but those powers are actually pretty subtle. Okay, maybe not subtle, but they aren’t exactly magical or fantastical in a way that I could believe this is a world where wishes can be granted. For all the wars and conflicts we’ve seen in everyone’s backstory, their powers are more handy abilities for their jobs and not battle-deciding superpowers. Outside of the powers these characters have, they fight normally. Some with guns, some with melee weapons, some with martial arts, with only a few really using their abilities at all. I know that’s for the sake of keeping thing grounded in reality, but when the fights are to the death and the winner gets their wish granted, I’d expect more... flippant use of superpowers for the sake of survival, but I digress. Since this world is grounded in reality and the way backstories are shown  I doubt these characters would honestly believe something as fantastical as a wish could be granted. They’ve seen the horrors of war, most are actually very jaded and probably only in the Juni Taisen out of obligation or payment. I’m fine with that being the premise, but the plot synopsis tells me these guys are in this for their wishes being granted, so I’m going to harp on that point.

My second question is if the Juni Taisen organization can truly grant wishes, why are the representatives able to make a wish for themselves and not for their faction? This is just... something that was nagging in the back of my mind when I read the premise. If wishes can be granted, then why doesn’t each family have a set wish for themselves? Fate/Zero answered this by having the 3 main families of Tosaka, Matou, and Einsbern trying to reach “The Root” through the Holy Grail, as that is the main goal of the Holy Grail War to begin with and anyone else just bought into the idea of granting wishes, as well as the original purpose of the Holy Grail War being lost after a hundred or so years. The Fate series also has a lot of fantastical elements to it that let’s us buy into the fact that fantastical wishes can be granted. they are truly in it for honor and whatnot.

My third and last question about the premise leads me to another issue I have with Juni Taisen and that’s:

The Motivations 

What does everyone want to wish for? After 10 episodes, it really hasn’t brought up of what every character wants to wish for save for Sheep. I don’t know anyone’s wish, and that makes it really hard to care when these people start dying. Why is everyone fight in this war if the show hasn’t told us what they wish for? For giggles? I can buy Boar just wanting to uphold family honor since her family won the last war, but... again, that clashes with the premise of a death battle for a wish to be granted. I can buy Sheep just sacrificing himself so his grandkid didn’t have to join the war, but that also clashes with the premise. If this was more like a Hunger Games scenario where everyone was just forced into the Juni Taisen I might care more, but... I don’t. That’s not to say they don’t have a reason to join, but that reason isn’t for a wish, which bugs me. And again, I don’t know if the Juni Taisen organization can even grant wishes to begin, nothing has assured me they have that power unless the wish is a matter of funding in the right places. Can they bring back the dead so the winner can undo the killings they’ve done? Can they enforce world peace? 

With the Fate series, I can buy that a wish can granted because, again, the world of Fate is very fantastical despite how subtle the characters act about it. If people can come summon a female King Arthur to fight Heracles in a sword fight to the death, then I think a mystical cup can probably grant a wish. I’d go further into that, but the lore and world building of Fate and the Nasuverse in general makes me cry everytime I have to crawl over to the Type-Moon wiki to research something.

Magical Girl Raising Project had given an incentive for the characters to partake in the Murder Death Kill: survival. And trust me, that’s a pretty powerful motivation as the series goes on, and it doesn’t even turn into a Murder Death Kill battle royale until about halfway into the show. My knowledge of Future Diary is a bit hazy since it’s been about 2 years since I watched the show, but God literally told everyone partaking in the Murder Death Kill how things were going down way, so we could believe that a battle royale to decide the new God was going to be a thing. Dangan Ronpa killed off a character in roughly the first 2 hours just to show how serious a pretty they were about the Murder Death Kill, in both 1 and 2, and while I personally don’t count it as a Murder Death Kill scenario, Ultra Despair Girls did I great job showing how possible and real death was in that game by setting a good atmosphere.

The Lack of Main Characters

My other issue with Juni Taisen is that there doesn’t seem to be a focus character. Now I’ve heard that’s part of the appeal since we don’t know who to root for or who will survive, but I’m gonna’ say not having a main character who’s perspective we can look to for at least half the ride and constantly switching the lens makes it hard to care about any of the characters. Again, Magical Girl Raising Project did this well by giving us three to four main characters out of the 16 to look at. Snow White, Ripple, and Swim Swim I would say are the “main” characters. Snow White representing a typical magical girl being appalled by the Murder Death Kill, Ripple representing someone with a realistic mindset about the Death Murder Kill and actively trying to survive it, and Swim Swim representing someone who was broken/transformed by it, causing most of the deaths within the Murder Death Kill. So basically an Idealist we can pray won’t die and find a peaceful solution, a Realist who we can root for to survive and ideally beat the antagonist, and an Antagonist to hate and examine as they do most of the planning and killing... well, I wouldn’t call Swim Swim an antagonist given the context of her murder spree, she is the main killer so...

Anyway, following this line, most Death Murder Kills usually have these 3 types of characters in it. So just using the other shows/games as an example to show this is a thing.

Dangan Ronpa

Idealist:  Makoto

Realist: Kyoko

Antagonist: The Mastermind

Dangan Ronpa 2

Idealist:  Nanami

Realist: Hajime

Antagonist: Nagito

Fate/Zero

Action... Fate/Zero breaks the mold a little since Idealism vs. Realism and Utilitarianism vs. Hedonism are sort of the themes of the show, but if I had to categorize it...

Idealist: Saber

Realist: Kiritsugu

Antagonist: Ryuunosuke (1st half) & Kotomine (2nd half)

I’d give an example with Fate/Apocrypha and Future Diary, but I’m still waiting for Netflix to catch up with F/A, and my memory of Future Diary is hazy at best so I don’t want to mischaracterize anyone, and as far as the 999 series is concerned, I’ve only watched playthrough and I don’t feel comfortable talking about I series I haven’t personally played myself. 

The point is, most Murder Death Kills usually have these three types of mindsets in focus throughout the show. With Juni Taisen... I don’t know who fits where. Well, let me be more accurate, all three of those mindsets are present, but they were either killed off immediately after seeing them (like with Chicken, Monkey, and Boar), or we never got to see their point of view to begin with (Like with Rabbit and Ox). I’d say Monkey was the Idealist, but she died soon after we learned her story. I’d say Rabbit was the Antagonist, but... I have... opinions about Rabbit I’ll keep to myself for now. I’d say Ox is the Realist, but... Ox is a boring character, so I don’t care.

Speaking of the characters... 

Character Deaths

I feel attached to few of them. Like... by the time I saw someone with a decent backstory, personality, and strategy, they were killed off. Chicken had an interesting mindset that landed her into the Realist role with the chance of being an Antagonist, but was killed off once that possibility was there. Monkey was slowly starting to make for a good Idealist with enough grounding in reality to make me root for her, but she died before I could even hear her plan to peacefully end the Juni Taisen. Tiger had an interesting backstory and was in the game long enough for me to care about her, but... I felt her death was pointlessly trying to give Ox character... because he has none.

Now, Magical Girl Raising Project did the same thing. When we saw a character’s backstory, they were probably gonna’ die that episode or the next. The only exceptions to that being La Pucelle and Ripple if memory serves me correctly. But... that works a bit better because, again, we had main characters we knew would survive long enough to root for and grow attached to. Without that, everyone in Juni Taisen just feels... there.

The Lack of a Clear Theme

I think my last issue with this show is the lack of a theme, something tying everything together in terms of a narrative. Dangan Ronpa’s theme is to not lose hope even in the darkest despair, and always face forward. Fate/Zero’s theme is... a little complicated for me to figure out, but I think can be boiled down to Ultilitarianism vs. Hedonism. Magical Girl Raising Project’s theme is, believe it or not, the traditional magical girl themes of believing in friendship, never losing hope, and making a difference in the world anyway you can. I don’t have a solid enough grasp on Fate/Apocrypha to say what it’s theme is yet, and my haziness on Future Diary doesn’t make me want to take a stab in the dark on that, so I’ll leave those two examples alone for now. And... the less I talk about 999′s themes the better.

Now those are just my interpretation’s on the themes, but I think you get the point. Juni Taisen... has no theme, no clear one to me anyway. Now, there’s this nice little piece on Juni Taisen being an exploration of the ugliness of war, and the fact that this Zodiac War having no real point being an extension of that theme. Honestly, if that’s the case then I don’t think it telegraphed that theme clearly enough due to the winner getting a wish. In fact, I thank the writer of this article for giving me a clear theme to look at that might make me relook at this series if I ever come back to it, but I honestly don’t think the show itself went deep enough if that was the goal of this anime.

Overall... I’m disappointed in this series. I’ll be keeping up with it until the end, and even check out some of the dubbed episodes (especially since Colleen Clinkenbeard is apparently voicing Tiger), but... if you guys want that action-y death battle fix, Magical Girl Raising Project is honestly a better series to look at as far as anime is concerned. It’s even got a light novel series that’s recently got its second book localized. Dangan Ronpa has a murder mystery twist to the Murder Death Kill formula, and all of the main games are localized and dubbed if you prefer it that way. Fate/Zero is on Netflix and Crunchyroll, Future Diary is on Funimation and Crunchyroll, and I’m sure there’s probably some other Death Murder Kill fanfics somewhere on the internet, so... yeah.

And since I’ve been using a term from it so much, I again recommend you guys check BlazingAzureCrow’s UBW Abridged Series, especially if you’re a Fate fan, it’s funny and endearing to watch.

Good Points of Juni Taisen

Okay, I’ve been ragging on this anime for awhile now, but I have stuck with it for 10 episodes now for a good reason, there are nice things about this show I like. So allow me to go over some of the points I do like about this show. 

As much of a death flag as it is, I do think all the backstories are done well, every character makes sense in personality and motives, Chicken, Tiger, and Boar’s were the best in my opinion. 

Even though I ragged on it, I do I like the fact that the powers aren’t game-beakers and require characters to be strategic about how they use them, as little as we see of it. 

I love a lot of the character designs. Much like with Magical Girl Raising Project, I feel like these could be fighting game characters, and I would very much buy a Juni Taisen fighting game on the spot, even a 3D brawler of it. I especially like a lot of the girls, with Tiger, Chicken, and Boar being my favorites.

“But Allen, aren’t those just basically animal-themed stripper outfits?”

Yes, but need I remind you that I’m the guy that plays Senran Kagura, Rumble Rose, and School Girl Zombie Hunter? My taste have been trash for awhile now. Anyway, back onto the good points.

The animation is pretty good, even the CG stuff. Actually, it’s very good. I think the CG is done very well to the point where I wouldn’t mind if this whole anime was in CG if it meant a higher focus on action. 

From what little I heard of the English voice acting, it sounds solid. I don’t like watching the dub along with the sub since I get overloaded pretty easily, but the if episode is anything to go by, the dub is solid.

And those are my thoughts on Juni Taisen. For all the issues I have with it, I’m gonna’ stick with it until I see the end, if only to rag on it some more when it does, but... hey, at least the girls in it are cute. I dunno’, what do you guys think of Juni Taisen? I’m up for some differing opinions here, so feel free to reblog this with you’re rebuttals, thoughts, favorite character, and so on.

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Huh, usually, I say who best girl is when I do these rambles about shows and video games, but... I’m having a tough time, I like all the female characters in this series so far.

Chicken is Best Girl, if only because I like her design the most.

With Tiger being a close second since I like her backstory the best.