#swears /

[rokonrrc2]

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I don't know where it came from, but several years ago this idea popped into my head unbidden, and for some reason it tickles me. I don't know if it's funny, but I like it and I made it into a zine, I hope you enjoy it.

It lays out really nicely as 3-up spreads on A4 paper, so you can print, staple and fold it, then cut it into 3 zines. It made it really easy to print up 20 of them to trade at this art social thing I went to

micron, rotring and sharpie on printer paper, coloured and screentoned digitally, 2024

If you want a digital or physical copy

[queerdraws]

favorite moments from opla

[dashdotshows]

[start id: a black and white drawing cropped from p.29 of the Usborne Guide to Computer and Video Games (1982). The image shows a chessboard with lights and mechanical arm built in.

Image caption reads: "The robot arm on this chess-board makes all the computer's moves, and removes your pieces when the computer captures them. If the computer loses the game, it flings its arm about, flashes its lights and shrieks." end id.]

I assumed this emotionally dysregulated chess robot was just a 1980s fever dream, but apparently it exists, and glories in the name of "The Novag Robot Adversary":

Quoth the gorgeously Web 1.0 (but still updating in 2023?!) Chess Computer UK:

The Novag Robot Adversary is the most iconic of chess computers. There are several reasons. Firstly, for a product of 1982, its startling futuristic appearance. Secondly the robot arm which in terms of robotic character, comparative speed and range of movement is extraordinary for a consumer product. Thirdly the variety of functions - including autoplay, automatic setting up of the pieces for a new game, trace and review, best move, sound, lights, printer support, and not forgetting the tantrums produced by the ‘emotions’ button which involve waving of the arm, flashing lights and noisy sound. These functions all contribute towards a very impressive and entertaining machine, which was outstanding when it was first sold, and has not been bettered since.

That page also has videos of the machine in action, including this heart-rending footage of it losing its shit:

I am inordinately happy to learn about this.

[luizastarry]

haha i made this last year. get it. get it. because i made it on thirty fir

[safe-ship-harbored]

[yourdadsbasement]

when i tell you i would die for this man

autism.jpeg

all right everybody just calm down

SHUT THE FUCK UP 🤣

STUPID

again, i am not trying to start any fights on here i am just noticing stuff

[yaspup9000]

behold I’ve finally drew something!!

anyways enjoy rat bastard

[slowandsteddie]

Robin: “hey, Steve? Can I borrow your red sweater?”

Eddie, immediately: “absolutely fucking not.”

Robin: “wha— never mind the what, actually. Tell me why.”

Eddie: “because it is a crime to separate our boy from that sweater. He looks so fucking hot in it, Birdie. And I know you won’t give it back for ages.”

Steve, walking in on the conversation: “I don’t think our sex life would survive the loss of that sweater.”

Robin, covering her ears: “GOT IT I GOT IT PLEASE STOP.”

Pic I got off google below the cut ❤️

[onetruechromosome]

I love how Rebels and Mandalorian made up their own swears and then Andor just had someone mutter “shit.”

It was an experience like no other.

[rrredgi]

Here's an article on ancient french swearing words and phrases that might be interesting to someone who (like me) is reading Dumas and is wondering wtf is "morbleu" and "vertudieu"

(there's no "ventre-de-biche" which "expresses surprise, disapproval, indignation" according to this article and is frequently used by Chicot)

[isukdik6969]

⚠️ ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️

This post contains bad graphic scenes and inappropriate language. Viewer discretion is advised.

NSFW

Kermit, the stripper.

By: isukdik6969

Once upon a time, there was a stripper named Kermit. He loved his job and never wanted anything more. And one long day of pole dancing for rich millionaires and getting gang banged by a gang in a back alley, he did his daily checking for STI'S at the doctor's office, he finished up then gave the doctor some head. He took the bus ride home but there was no seats on the bus and he couldnt stand up on the bus with his stripper heels, so thankfully a nice horny man let Kermit sit on his lap, and all through the bus ride they had sex without anyone noticing. At this point Kermit's ass was hurting and dripping with cum and sex lube, but when Kermit got home from his job at the strip club, he grabbed a metal fork and began to eat some Kraft dinner he made in the morning. Suddenly, he heard a little voice in his head say, "Stick the fork in the outlet." Kermit had always trusted the little voice in his head, so he started to do as the voice said without knowing the consequences of it.

Kermit was about to stick the fork in the outlet when *RINGGGG* His phone rang. Kermit picks up his phone and answers "What do you want whore"Kermit says angrily. Ms. Piggy replies with "I did nothing wrong, but I wanna get back together." Kermit screams at Ms Piggy, "SLEEPING WITH UNCLE DEADLY IS NOTHING WRONG???!!! "Kermit hangs up and continues sticking the fork in the outlet saying "that lying, cheating, littl-"He gets cut off by a large zap noise. A few minutes later, Ms Piggy heads to his apartment to try and seduce him so he will get back to her. Ms. Piggy knocks a few times on the door and gets no response, so she gets her new bf -Uncle Deadly- to break down the door. She finally gets inside, and it's like a ghost town. She walks further in and checks every room.

Finally, she gets to the kitchen and steps on something cold she looks down and sees Kermit's lifeless corpse on the floor. Ms. Piggy gets angry because his stripper heels tracked so much dirt from the outside that it was ruining her brand new high heels. Then she heard something, her new boyfriend saying "Can we leave this place im hungry" She says to her new bf "No worries about food, babe, were having frog legs for dinner", So after Ms Piggy and Uncle Deadly had a threesome with Kermit's fried corpse. They feasted on Kermit, and thanks to him being electrocuted, they didn't need any preparation for him. They finished eating what they could of Kermit and sold the rest of him for 5,000,000$ on eBay

Then Uncle Deadly told Ms Piggy somthing that left her shocked he said " I'm sorry Ms Piggy but I wasn't in love with you, I was in love with Kermit, I was using you to get closer to him. But now he is gone, so I shall be gone too. " Ms Piggy started crying and trying to stop Uncle deadly, but she was too late. He had already cut his dick and balls off and was bleeding out. ~One hour later~ Ms. Piggy was out on the streets trying to find a new boyfriend. After a while, she got really tired and went back to Kermits' large stripper apartment. She had been so sad that she said "Fuck this shit, imma start dating women" So Ms Piggy had started sissoring Camilla aggressively. They lived together for a few months and then Kermit and Uncle Deadly (who were now together as a gay couple) haunted them and eventually killed them. And nobody lived happily ever after, but they did all die gay, so I guess that counts.

The End 🫶🫶🫶

I honestly only wrote this for comedy, and if yall want, I will write real smut, just ask. Hope you enjoyed the torture and there may be misspells.

[phantom088]

Swears

Danny: *Get's thrown into a wall by a enemy* Aghhh....Shit! *covers mouth as he sees SpongeBob near*

SpongeBob: Huh? *looks to Danny*

Danny: Umm.... nothing!

SpongeBob:... Okay?? *continues to fight

Timmy: *Walks up to Danny to help him up* You good man?

Danny: Yeh, swore infront of SpongeBob, but don't think he heard it

Timmy: Well, I think in Bikini Bottom, swears are dolphin and whale noises.

Danny: What makes you say that?

SpongeBob: *fighting* Take this you stupid (dolphin noise) hey you, kiss my (whale noise) and you... you're a *gets hit* Ah (dolphin noise)

Danny: *watching* The fuck?

SpongeBob: *walking up* What the (whale noise) is fuck?

[blue-drink]

Past dids

[At some point, remembering the past]

Hera: You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a real bitch. Hades: What changed your mind? Hera: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

Hera: Did it hurt when you fell— Zeus: From heaven? Wow, I didn't know you were such a flirt— Hera: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Zeus: ... Hera: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Hera: *Laughs* Babe, you had a crush on me? That's embarrassing— Zeus: We're married.

[everyoneisgayandtrans]