#surprise i'm not just a nerd online i'm also a nerd in real life

[ephemeral-gremlin]

all the best and most interesting archival materials i've worked with have been used, written on, stickered, marked up in some way

you learn a lot more from the patterns of wear and use than you can from something pristine and untouched. also the little scribbled notes have actual *personality* which in my mind is what makes history worth studying - people are people no matter what era they lived through, and the best history is fundamentally about people

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

[thewholestoryx]

I (31F) called my fiance (34M) a misogynist to his mother.

TW: rape, abuse, drug use, suicide.

Hello, everyone. I've been going through a lot and I don't know what else to do. I'm not sure whether to feel guilty about the title or not but I'm just going to get this off my chest. This is going to be a long one because of all the stories weaving together and I'm a terrible writer, but I'll do my best.

I met my fiance (let's call him Brian) off a nerdy dating site back in 2015. I was previously dating someone else when we first started talking and he stopped talking to me completely and didn't even want to attempt to be friends because of me having a boyfriend. He started dating a girl online from France. When my boyfriend at the time moved to another state, I started talking to Brian again and we quickly started to connect. We only lived twenty minutes from each other and after three cute inexpensive dates, Brian asked me to be his girlfriend and eventually broke up with his girlfriend in France.

He had never had a girlfriend in real life before despite being 25 and he was even a virgin. None of these were a bad thing to me because he was a hard worker. His French ex was a serial cheater but he stayed with her simply because she was pretty and he felt like he couldn't do any better. At the beginning stages in our relationship, it felt like I broke up with my boyfriend at the time immediately when I realized things were going well with Brian but he didn't really want to leave his ex. He eventually did after a bit of arguing.

Fast forward to a year into our relationship. I was going through a lot of things at home and hated living with my mother. Brian told me that if I got a job, we could move in together. I ended up landing a job at a retail store and we got our first apartment together. We had friends over a lot, everything was pretty great our year of being in that apartment. I met a coworker at work who really wanted to move out of her own house so I looked into renting a house after our apartment rent reached over $1.5k in rent and bills (This was like 2017 and that was expensive for our location for the two of us) so we rented a 3 bedroom house and allowed my coworker to move in with us.

A few months in the rented house, we met a married couple with a kid who was struggling pretty badly to stay afloat. We moved them into one of our rooms and they brought an infestation of roaches and a lot of emotional turmoil to our home. I didn't mind it because I thought we were helping people and that they were our friends. They planned on stealing my female coworker roommate and getting their own place because of the rules I set in the house. Through them I met our friend Leo and they moved in with Leo into their own place.

Leo and our ex roommates did not get along very well. They ended up giving him a thirty day notice six months after they moved in with him. Leo contacted us and we gave him our den in the house to himself. Brian also let his childhood friend move in with us as well (I didn't have a say in this). Leo was getting unemployment benefits at the time so we didn't have to complain about rent or anything else from him. Me and Leo ended up realizing we had a lot in common and he dubbed himself to be my "best friend."

I've never had a real best friend before. Women usually think I'm too much because I'm extremely nerdy and extroverted and men just see me as a nerd girl that they can attempt to date and when that's not possible, they just avoid me like Brian did when we first met. I'm not the most attractive person, either. When Leo made me his "best friend," I still had the concerns about male best friends just wanting my body but we stayed friends all these years despite that. I ended up giving him gifts when it was his birthday, throwing him surprise birthday parties and trusting him completely.

Leo's girlfriend at the time (let's call her Gem) moved in soon after him. They shared the same space in the den and argued constantly, but we kind of just let them because they ended up making up every time.

Leo had a falling out from his other friend group outside that I ended up meeting. There were rumours that he allegedly forced himself on a drunk girl. This didn't sound right to me but it also wasn't my business so I didn't really think about if the rumor was true or not, especially seeing Leo still hung out with another mutual friend of ours from that group. The mutual friend is still friends with the alleged girl (and Leo was living with him when it happened) and he claims that the sex was consensual and I didn't know the girl that well at the time so I just chose to believe them.

Me, Leo and our mutual friend went to an anime convention in 2021. Leo was very distraught after the convention so I asked him what was wrong. Apparently while talking to a girl at the con, she brought up the fact that she heard he was a rapist. This enraged me because I knew this girl in high school and she was the type to spread a lot of rumors. Leo got depressed because of this because he didn't even know the girl but he had a stranger call him a rapist to his face. I decided to try to find the source of this rumor to see if we had a basis for defamation of character, emotional distress, something that can hold up in court to stop these rumors from ruining his life.

This of course led me to the drunk girl that our mutual friend was friends with. I ended up talking to her alone for the first time via Snapchat and told her my intentions were to go to court but I needed more information. She told me everything. She told me he took advantage of her feelings and emotions and she was drunk at the time but can still remember it. She said she'd rather put it behind her because it happened such a long time ago and she doesn't want to be in any part of the court case. She didn't even want to tell her story.

I've been raped before. I know what it's like to not want to tell your story. I've even taken money from the man who took advantage of me to stay quiet about it. I know that rape affects everyone in different ways. I even say hello to my rapist when he spots me at a convention. I don't know why. I think it's to regain control of the situation and think I'm stronger for it, but it still affects me when I'm alone and think about it. I don't even walk around convention spaces alone anymore. I feel very strongly about rapists after this. I had a rule to always believe the girl first because of it. But I also trusted Leo with all my being so I didn't think about it. I just took the word of Leo and our mutual friend.

Brian and I got engaged and decided to buy a house around 2021. We had five roommates and we needed more space. It was a stressful time since the housing market was very saturated and unpredictable due to COVID-19. After touring 20 homes and being outbid on most of them, we finally scored a 5 bedroom 3 bathroom house. Enough room for everyone to have their own space and for me to throw fun house parties. So now it was me, Brian, Leo, my coworker, Gem (Leo's now ex), and Brian's childhood friend all in one house.

I made a female friend named Britt. Britt was very.. distraught. She was a heavy drug user and had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. She came over to our house a lot whenever she needed a break. Sometimes to do drugs, sometimes to hang and smoke with me and Leo, sometimes just to have a place to lay her head after losing her job and apartment. She was very much homeless and couldn't get help from her family (I even contacted her mom who went off on me and blocked me for trying to help her). Being the person I am, I strive to make my home a safe place for nerdy people to get together, have good times and feel safe.

One day while Britt was over, I just started a new job and I couldn't call out during training to make sure she'd be okay. Britt just last week before this day took 5 tabs of acid and fell off my balcony at 4am while I was asleep. She broke her ribs and was just getting out of the hospital and a free short-term drug rehab program. She also believed she was pregnant. I really wanted to stay to make sure she was going to be properly taken care of while recovering but my job was in peril. So I told Leo she was here, told him to watch out for her, and left for work. When I got home, she was gone.

A week later from that, Britt texts me that she has something to say and I'm not going to like it. I ask her what's wrong and she asks if she can stay the night again. She comes over and tells me that Leo took advantage of her while she was high. I felt terrible putting my homeless, drug abusing, possibly pregnant friend in this position. I didn't care about my job and called out anyway. I confronted Leo. I asked him, "Why did you sleep with Britt?" and he shrugged and said, "A man has needs." This. Sickened me. But Leo was usually the joking type so he probably didn't understand the accusation against him, but I was very upset about this.

I couldn't call out another day without definitely getting fired so I went to work angry the next day. Angry, sad, confused. There was so much going on with me mentally that I couldn't even focus on work. I went outside and decided to talk to another mutual friend about the situation. While talking to him, I said Leo's name maybe 5-6 times in anger and noticed this woman outside of my workplace just staring at me. I didn't mind her staring because I was in a public place being loud about it. I just assumed she wanted to hear the drama. I ended the phone conversation and was heading inside when the woman came up to me and said, "Excuse me.. the person you were talking about on the phone. Are you talking about Leo [Last Name]?" and my jaw just dropped. Because what are the odds, what are the chances another woman knows the exact person I'm talking about? I told her she was correct and asked how she knew him. This woman told me that he raped her in high school. I was in disbelief. Because how can a complete stranger that I have never seen or heard of before come up to me with that kind of accusation? Unprovoked?

She told me her story in a video I recorded without showing her face. Apparently in high school, he degraded her and told her she was fat and unattractive and no one would want her so she might as well sleep with him. She told me she didn't want to do it but back then, she was mentally weak and just wanted someone to love her so she let him do what he wanted. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It's like the universe was telling me not to trust this man.

When I went home that day, I called a mandatory house meeting (everyone in the house had to be in attendance) and through tears I told him that Leo wouldn't be allowed to stay without going to some sort of sex addiction therapy. He agreed and went to his room. The mutual friend I was talking to at work had a girlfriend who used to be my friend but she liked Leo more than me. She said that I was betraying him and she hated even more that I was talking to her boyfriend about it because I couldn't reach her. She cursed me out, went to another friend that she didn't like and got me kicked out of my first wedding as a bridesmaid because of it (she shared a private conversation I had with her concerning the bride and the bride didn't like it at all because I didn't come to her first about it). She even said she wanted to fight me.. so that was that. She made me feel worse because maybe she was right. I felt like I should have trusted Leo despite all of the people coming to me about him because I was his best friend.

Leo came to me and explained every situation. He told me that these three women accusing him of rape were wrong. He said the woman at my workplace was obsessed with him. He said the drunk girl was drunk. He said that Britt was drugged out and not to believe her. And after losing all my friends in one fell swoop, I chose to believe Leo. I texted Britt to get the help she needed and she wouldn't be allowed in the house anymore nor in my life for lying to me. I didn't talk to the woman at work after that one conversation. I just blocked out everything to hang onto the only person that's been there for me and accepted me for who I was. Things went back to normal for me and Leo.

Now, back to my relationship.. me and Brian have always argued about affection. We barely went on dates, he wasn't a romantic person at all. We argued constantly until we came to the agreement on a semi-open relationship. I would be allowed to date other men and women as long as I didn't have sex with them. Those relationships always started out great but then (of course) they'd want more or wanted me to leave Brian for them. I never felt comfortable about this so I just broke off the relationships with others when it got to that point.

Valentine's Day 2023 was the worst Valentine's Day in all the years I've known Brian. Usually he pretends like the holiday doesn't exist. He doesn't do holidays. He doesn't do Christmas gifts. He doesn't do birthdays. I've went a lot of years not getting anything these days of the years (he blames it on him being a terrible gifter but he also never asked anyone for help even though they offered it). Last year for Valentine's Day, I cooked a homemade dinner and told him that I've got it this year, he has to do something next year for me. Next year comes and he didn't ask me to be his Valentine even though I hinted for a whole two months that I wanted this. I bought a cute outfit, planned on baking him a cake and everything. I told him the day before that if he doesn't ask me, someone else will. He took this as a threat and decided to let me go with the other person, not knowing the other person I talked about was myself. I got dressed up, Ubered myself to a bar/restaurant, got really drunk, jaywalked a large street across the way in boots I can barely walk in to buy myself chocolate and flowers with the other men getting last second gifts. Went home and danced my drunk ass off in the living room. Finally 12am hits. I go in the bedroom and in a drunken rage, asked him why he didn't love me and why do I do so much for him and still have to romance myself? He said he didn't want to talk about it and that I was drunk. I saw he got me pity flowers and chocolate so I picked up the plastic vase of flowers and throw it at the wall and walk out the room. The vase ricocheted and ended up splashing a little water on him without me knowing. So I go in the living room to lay down and he filled up the vase with water (way more water than what was already in the vase) and threw it directly at me and told me to get out the house. I told him I wasn't leaving and he called the police on me. The police came, I called his mother and told her everything. She calmed him down and we were able to chalk it up to the cops "another bad Valentine's Day couple dispute, you guys get this all the time, right?" He left the house for a week. When he came back, we had a conversation and he agreed to put in more effort into our relationship. My birthday was in March. He bought me thoughtful gifts with the help of his mom, a cake, and even took me out on a wonderful date. I told him several times I appreciated it but in the back of my mind, I still think about that terrible Valentine's Day and all the years before not celebrating my birthday or anything else.

Two weeks after my birthday, I met a guy that was really romantic and sweet to me. For the first time in seven years, I actually thought about leaving Brian to be with him. While Brian was out of town, I invited the guy over and we got to the point where we got into a sexual situation. I won't get into specifics but only toys were used. I'm a very demisexual person so the emotional bond we had carried over into us wanting to try those things. The other roommates heard and it quickly got around the house. Brian heard about it and ignored it. He understood the situation we had. But Brian is also very subceptible to peer pressure. People usually have to tell him how to feel because he's not really capable of having his own emotions. When Brian's childhood friend told him to get rid of me, I started going to the new guy's house just to get away from the house. I was over there for three days straight when Brian texted me that he's putting all my stuff outside. Me and the new guy went back to my house and got all my things and left. During this time, I was very unemployed and lost my job a few months before so I didn't have a choice but to trust this guy I've only known for two weeks and moved in with him.

I lived with the new guy about two months before realizing that he wanted me sexually, something I wasn't willing to provide because I had a hard time even wanting to live after all I've been through. I had nightmares everyday I was there and though he kept trying to be supportive, us not having sex was a big problem for him. I complained a lot about the smell of his dog and the design of my house but I was optimistic about it all. Not to mention that I applied to several jobs (and even almost got scammed) and nothing was coming up. Brian called me up and told me he wanted me back. He didn't care about anything I did, he just missed me and was willing to forgive me and change. I was also ready to change. We agreed to stop doing the semi-open relationship thing and only focus on each other.

While I was at the new guy's house, I still talked to Leo because he was still my best friend at the time. I complained to him a lot about the dilemma to the point where he got tired of hearing it. He was going through a dry spell of not having women and it was affecting him to the point where he constantly complained to me how horny he was. I started giving him options with the mutual women we knew but Leo started getting to the point where he was hitting on me. I ignored it for the sake of our friendship. The next day he told me that he wanted me and I was extremely uncomfortable but I let him down gently like, "No, dude! You're my best friend! And you know all the stuff I'm going through right now, we really should not be talking about this." Instead of dropping it, Leo dug deeper and told me, "I can't believe it's you of all people rejecting me. I must really be down bad" and I took offense to this. It sounded to me like he was saying that I was a broken girl who had nothing else to lose and still wouldn't have sex with him. I told him, "Hey, you can't get upset because I rejected you. You should really look into sex addiction therapy if it's getting to you like this." Leo went off on me for mentioning therapy. Told me he didn't need therapy, he just needed sex. I reminded him of the Britt situation and the drunk girl and explained to him that these accusations exist because of the behavior that he was showing me right now by trying to take advantage of women when they're vulnerable and making them believe that they're stupid for not having sex with him. He started to attack my character and said that people were right to talk shit about me (including the girl that got me kicked out of the wedding for not defending him) and this hurt me to the point that I blocked him on social media. I firsthand witnessed the tactics he used to take advantage of these women when they were at their worst and I felt terrible. I'm still in the process of apologizing to the women I didn't want to believe for him.

When me and Brian reconciled, he came to pick me up from the new guy's house at 3am and I came back to our house. Leo avoided me like the plague. I told Brian what happened between us before I even came back and he ignored it too. Brian called a house meeting after I locked myself in our bedroom for a week. He congratulated Leo for getting a job (at this point, Leo hasn't paid rent in 6+ months) and didn't say anything about my return. I went back in the room and complained to Brian via text that he didn't explain anything to our roommates about why I'm back, didn't tell them about our semi-open relationship, didn't welcome me back nor try to fix the problem with me and Leo. Brian called me back into the living room to talk about the situation but I told him we needed a plan first. He told me not to worry and say what I needed to say. I told everyone about how Leo attempted to sleep with me during a time I was vulnerable and attacked my character. I told them that Leo didn't heed my agreement from 3+ months ago about having sex addiction therapy. I told them that I did not feel comfortable with Leo in the house at all and that for the safety of the other women here (myself, my coworker, Gem and Gem's friend also moved in with us last year), he should not be allowed to stay. Brian agreed and got angry that there was nothing else he could do. He was the only one really upset about the fact that Leo had to leave and gave him thirty days.

We had another female friend over and she usually smokes with Leo. Gem started seeing a new guy and Leo didn't like this at all. Gem had the guy in her room and despite Gem constantly having to hear Leo have sex with the random women he bring into our home, Leo couldn't stand the fact that another man was in there with Gem. Gem and our female friend are very close friends at this point but she was afraid to even hang out with her while she was hanging with Leo. Leo kept pulling her aside to smoke (Gem doesn't smoke) and had a breakdown in front of our friend. Our friend felt bad about it and offered for him to stay in her dorm for a few nights. When I overheard about this plan, I talked her out of it and showed her a screenshot of Leo talking about how he's been looking at her differently (and specifically saying he's been looking at her ass). She felt uncomfortable about this and said she didn't want him to come to her dorm because she had a boyfriend. I was trying my best to protect this girl. Leo told Brian that I was spreading rumors about him and Brian blamed me instantly before even knowing the situation. He always does. When I cried to explain to him that the other women also were uncomfortable with him, he called another house meeting with all the women in the house.

All four women in the house voted him out as well. Gem spoke up about the abuse she suffered from his hands (their fights did get physical a few times but we didn't know the extent until she spoke up about it) and it helped seal his fate.

Four days ago, Brian called another house meeting. He said that he's rescinding the agreement to kick Leo out of the house. He instead put him on a "probationary period" and said that if Leo does anything to antagonize the women in this house, he'd get another thirty days to leave, no excuses. The women were very upset about this. Me and Gem especially. We felt like despite everything against Leo (the way he's treated us and other women, having several allegations of rape against him and even trying to SLEEP WITH HIS FIANCE), Brian didn't care and was going to protect this man no matter what. Fuck our discomfort. Fuck our cries. Fuck the way he made me feel like I was lesser and I'm only good for my body. Fuck the genuine friendship I tried to have with this man and I even turned a blind eye to it all until it happened to me. Brian keeps saying that Leo is the one on thin rope here, saying it could snap at any moment.

I have still been stuck in the room. Today is the fourth day of not talking to Brian or any of the men in this house as a silent protest for the women in this house. Women who have ever stepped foot in this house looking for a safe home, even for just a little while. Women who haven't been in this house but still suffered at the hands of someone they thought were a good guy. For the women whose voices weren't heard or believed by neither men in the house or even myself.

Brian has bought me flowers and food, all untouched. He stopped trying to talk to me. We sleep in the same bed and he has never tried to talk to me in any of these four days. Last night was rough for me. I keep having visions of leaving this world as a punishment for the women I've hurt by choosing not to believe them, despite being in the same situation as them.

I keep thinking about hanging myself in the garage. Yesterday was my mom's birthday so I kept thinking "I can't do this to her. Not today. Not tomorrow." I suffered alone. So alone to the point where I contacted the suicide hotline to not ruin my mom's day. She's already going through a lot. The hotline didn't help. It only gave me fear that they'd call the police on me and have me locked up in an institution. I have so much guilt and I no longer want to be with this man. I'm currently thinking of starting over and moving to a different state with a friend while having absolutely no money to get out of this situation. I want to force myself to be self sufficient for the first time in my life. I've been in a physically abusive relationship and stayed before. I've realized that even though Brian isn't hitting me, him not attempting to understand me is also a form of emotional abuse.

While fighting my emotions last night, I texted his mom that her son was a misogynist and gave her a condensed version of the story you've (hopefully) read today. She and his sister are the only women Brian's ever truly cared about. She told me she'd talk to him but I already know it's going to cause a lot of trouble for me. I can't take it back now.

TL;DR: I defended a rapist for years before he tried to use his tactics to manipulate me into having sex with him. My fiance of 8 years and female roommates agreed to kick him out but my fiance decided to have him stay on a "probation", despite him not paying rent in 6+ months. I texted my fiance's mom and told her that her son is a misogynist.

[pudding-parade]

So I had a bathtub wonderment, one of those odd thoughts that strike me while lounging in my tub. It's about autism, and I have no idea if it's at all sound, so feel free to tell me how wrong I am. Here's the main thought, with more detail behind the cut:

What if being on the autism spectrum is actually typical and not being on the spectrum is atypical?

Look, I'm old, from before it was known that autism is a spectrum. When I was a kid, "autistic" was a description only applied to someone who was completely non-verbal, non-interactive, and constantly banging their head against a wall. Everyone else just had various "difficulties." But now, as An Old nearing the age of 60, the more I learn about the spectrum, the more I notice that I check the boxes and always have.

I have huge sensory issues and get easily overwhelmed by smells (especially) and sound. (Which might seem ironic, given that I am a concert pianist and symphonic musician, but it's chaotic sound, like when a lot of people are talking at once or loud, surround-sound movies with lots of sudden noises, that gets me. Music, classical in particular, is very ordered, non-chaotic sound even when loud, and it focuses me rather than overwhelms me.) I have been known to hide in closets with my hands over my ears at parties and conferences and such when it gets too much, especially so when I was younger and hadn't developed the coping mechanisms that I have now.

Food textures bother me greatly, to the point that I don't like certain foods not because of the taste but because their textures (or their smell, in the case of fish/seafood) make me gag.

I am very gifted in one area -- music, having been a child prodigy -- and completely average or even below in most others.

While I can force myself to be social and outgoing because I've developed coping mechanisms over the years, I greatly prefer to be alone or with just one or two other people who I know very well and can "read" well.

I have very…er, focused…esoteric interests that I will completely nerd out on at length that other people find completely baffling/boring. (Like climates, for instance. :) And dinosaurs, when I was a kid, when they weren't quite as popular as they are now.)

These are, apparently, all "symptoms" of autism, particularly in adults. I haven't been diagnosed and wouldn't seek to be now because, at this point, it doesn't negatively affect my life, but I strongly suspect that I could get a diagnosis, if I pursued one. But the thing is that most people I know in real life seem to check a lot of the boxes, too. Granted, that could just be the company I keep, with like attracting like, but I also notice it a lot online. Which, again, could simply be because people on the autism spectrum feel more comfortable being and communicating online. I don't know. It just seems to me like more people are neurodivergent to some degree than not, yet we've built a world/society that caters to those who aren't.

This could be explained if we, as a species, are gradually evolving toward autism as typical, maybe not in terms of genetics but rather in epigenetic ways brought on by the fact that, for instance, we are slowly becoming more isolated from each other due to things like the development of the concept of nuclear rather than multi-generational families living together as well as by the internet/technology, where it's possible to instantly communicate with people all over the world, even have friendships/relationships with them, and yet never physically interact with them. In such a world, autism actually has advantages, so there might be selection pressure for it and corresponding pressure against what has always been perceived as "normal."

Anyway, that was my thought. I'm not a psychologist, obviously, so I wouldn't be surprised if my thought is a load of hooey. :) But, it was interesting to entertain.

[vvildflowerrr]

⛤🍃🫀🌿welcome to my blog!🌿🫀🍃⛤

(03/30/24 - read while u can i plan to delete a lot of this soon, the internet is a shitty place)

name - Wil (short for Willow!)

age - 24

gender - fluid (they/he and sometimes she)

orientation - poly, queer, sapphic, fluid

- ⛤ -

about me:

I'm here to shitpost and look at pretty things, and hopefully find interesting spiritual anecdotes from other folks too! this blog has turned into - mostly - a collection of information to pair with my real life studies into esoteric knowledge and my personal religious/spiritual path. I also vent on here at times in the form of prose usually, but sometimes just screaming :) lol

I'm currently studying a form of Feral Druidry with some guidance from my former roomie/my good friend, who is a Druid Priest, as well as taking online courses! I started my spiritual path with An Mórrígan from the Irish pantheon. I studied Heathenry for awhile to connect with Hel, whom I still love and work with even if I've shifted in my path more. I incorporate some practice from Cultus Deorum/Roman paganism because I connected with Venus as well last year during Yule! Past those three, who I work with loosely, I also work with the concept of "The Wild" as an overarching theme, they are all the unexplainable energies in my life and push me to challenge myself as much as the Goddess figureheads I love do <3

You'll often find me writing miscellaneous bullshit and putting a melody to it in my feeble attempts at making music. ( check out my youtube channel here: https://youtube.com/@willowcrowluxx )

I have two cats! one is a shorthaired blonde tailless boy named Nubbin, and then a longhaired black, poofy tailed baby named Binx!

I'm currently in therapy working through ptsd stuff etc, so you will definitely see me get emo on the dashboard every now and again. my apologies in advance.

you can find all of my spiritual content under my personal tag: #anmorheljave

- ⛤ -

- ⛤ -

interests:

(things I like and look for on this lovely little hellsite)

skyrim - I just started playing in 2022 and have such a deep love for this game. I finally defeated Alduin! And am now spending time going through all the other questlines and digging deeper into the lore!

queer stuff - I'm some flavor of gay, a fluid nonbinary person questioning being transmasc, figuring it out! but have done my fair share of discourse in the past, not down for that now lol 🙃 queer people are beautiful and wonderful however they identify in good faith <3

music - I have an eclectic taste in music and am always seeking more! and also want to make music for a living in my future :) some faves are: tash sultana, vernon jane, ocean alley, halsey, ethel cain, IDLES, fleetwood mac, hozier, paramore, alanis morissette, janis joplin, amy winehouse, nirvana, alice in chains, brown bird, queens of the stone age, ¡mayday!, lights, bring me the horizon, ghostmane, $uicideboy$, mother mother, tame impala, rainbow kitten surprise, pvris

nature - I find a lot of peace in nature and find a lot of my next steps while hanging out within it. also it's beautiful so I like finding aesthetically pleasing media for it :')

psychology and self-help - I'm a mess lmao, better to learn the whys and how I can improve as a human!

spirituality, paganism etc.

dungeons & dragons - just a big time fantasy nerd

anime - I love one piece, soul eater, sonny boy, chainsaw man, trigun, and others✨

horizon: zero dawn - I started playing this game in 2023 and fell IN LOVE with the world, the story, everything. plus I will always have the hots for femmes who use bows and arrows 🥹<3 I can't wait to play Forbidden West!

percy jackson universe - currently rereading PJO and HoO, have been reading these since I wars 9 and very excited for new book and show!

youtube - I watch julien solomita, markiplier, ethan nestor, strange æons, dan & phil, kurtis conner, jarvis johnson, chad chad, gabi belle, eddy burback, ted nivison, and various other video essays I find on interesting topics :)

- ⛤ -

if you want to know about my music taste, here's a hellishly long playlist with all my faves :)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2KzaesbV2ESDKI8AB3cfQC?si=muKOSyjMTaWUDb4SWrfPqw

- ⛤ -

sideblogs

@thatferalbogdruid - spirituality & paganism

i hope you enjoy your time here!🌿🫀🍃

- ⛤ -

Anmórheljave.

[sylvyspritii]

Update: 8 days later, and i just beat Realm Reborn Here is the journey:

In the beginning, i chose Arcanist, but i quickly realised that Fisher is actually the best job

I got invited to a strange secret area that had a lot of rich looking houses, so i did what was natural; i saw a giant lighthouse, and i had a desire to climb it, that's how i discovered this game had jumping puzzles just like Guild Wars 2 (nice), it took me a bit, and the controls are very different compared to GW2, but it was quite satisfying when i managed to reach the top after much practise, it's kind of like Dark Souls

There was also some guy named Gayus van Ballsack, and he was being a little mean with the amount of devastation he caused, but it was not his intention, so i'm glad we cleared that up, i also became a dark academia history nerd on the way somehow, and got a cute fairy and a bird

Now that that's over, back to the real game; fishing I'd like to give my shoutouts to my boy Rhitahtyn Arvina, we might have been enemies, but he fought with honour, a respectful opponent And i'd like to give my anti-shoutouts to the Companies of Heroes, i can go into a rant about them, but i think for veterans reading this, you will understand right away and no words are neccessary, and for the newcommers reading this; good luck

NO SPOILERS PLEASE, THANK YOU My overall review of Final Fantasy XIV Realm Reborn: 6.5/10

Some context; I have played many MMO's in my life; Runescape, Maplestory, Ragnarok Online, Trickster Online, Tera, and my favourite one; Guild Wars 2 I tried Final Fantasy XIV before, in 2011, 2013, 2016, 2019, and 2023, but i always uninstalled the game, but every time, friends somehow convinced me to try again, telling me "it gets really good, the story will unironically resonate with you so much, there's so many themes that we know you will love, it's literally like one of those stories that you in particular would love so much" AND EVERY TIME, i'm like "nah, i gave it a chance before, it sucks" and then i try it in secret, but then give up anyways, usually before level 20

This time was different, this time, i was watching one of my furry friends stream the game, and she was very helpful in answering some of my questions, i decided to try again to see what happens, and some of my other friends helped me too this time While it is much better than Final Fantasy XIV 1.0, and it has received many great quality of life updates over the years (such as improved automatic tap targetting, more keybind and macro options, and more (incredibly good) HUD customisation options), i still find it difficult to reccomend this game over Guild Wars 2, which had a much better basegame already in 2012, alongside its already great expansion packs (i have yet to play the FFXIV expansions, but this is just my raw take on the basegame since i just finished it) A big standout is the music however, the composer, Masayoshi Soken, who also composed the soundtrack for FFXVI (which i liked a lot, well, except for Titan's theme being a bit repetitive), surprised me, some of the later songs in the boss battles are especially good, (such as Rhitahtyn Arvina's boss theme, which has a really fun difficulty spike that fits the music and the moment in the story very well, alongside just being a general badass) and the final boss theme, you know, the one after the unintended devestation I thought the story was boring and uninspiring, a lot of it felt like it was taking elements from other MMO stories (such as Guild Wars 2, i mean, the 3 factions, the "going to the tribal people" part of the game, the Eazorean Alliance being very similair to the Fort Trinity stuff, it really feels like the developers just kind of tried to scramble together stuff inspired by other MMO stories), but i have to admit, that the closer we got to the ending, the more the story and the writing started to improve (Coerthas was when it picked up a little bit, suddendly, the worldbuilding, lore, politics, and culture started to engage me a little bit more, and i started reading more of the dialogue around there again), and i really enjoyed the characterisation of the Imperial generals nearing the end, it was really cool to see some stuff that was foreshadowed before (which i was REALLY HOPING would mean something) actually have some real subtle impacts (i'm sorry, i'm talking about my boy Rhitahtyn again okay, he was a real one) I'd say that the story has /potential/, but overall, i think the story of the main quest of the FFXIV basegame (Realm Reborn) really was a 6/10, and i know some of the fans reading this might not like me being that harsh, but i'm sorry, it really doesn't give a good first impression for the people that came to this game because they heard it had such a good story (me, it was me, i am not impressed, but perhaps Heavensward will be slightly better?) Also, this is one of the few games that understands that fishing minigames should be like Pokemon, don't make things too complicated! Just make it nice and simple and satisfying, no annoying Big the Cat Fire Emblem fishing mechanics, i want to listen to my podcasts and watch Vinny streams on my second monitor, thank you

So, in case it is not clear; yes, i liked it, but i wasn't impressed, but i think there's some potential maybe

NO SPOILERS PLEASE, THANK YOU

Okay, i changed my mind, Final Fantasy XIV is good actually

[literaticat]

Most authors trying to get their career going and first book published rely on social media to get a look into the other side, i.e. agents, publishers, editors, etc. That's the view we have to work with. Now we all know how distorted this view is, how it can also paint some negative pictures. You've also stated that the real world is not the same as the online one. If you have to put a percentage on how similar the "online world view" is to the real publishing world, what would you estimate at?

Look, I'm just not into the "percentages" thing like I REALLY don't want to do math on my off hours pls

but anyway lemme try and unpack this okay because I think you are talking about a lot of different things and I have no idea...

* All of "the internet" is curated. Like, I post my new book releases, good news, etc, on my website -- I don't post disappointing news, all the books that didn't sell, etc. Right? I'm PROMOTING BOOKS on there, not giving my life story. A publisher puts the books they are publishing on their website -- not the books they never bought, or videos of the five hour long meeting about cargo ship delays, or whatever. On your author website, you probably have a peppy bio and links to books that you've written and info about school visits and pictures of your pets -- not your relationship status or medical woes or that time your dog bit a kid. On your dating profile, you probably have pictures of yourself smiling and put-together, not candid snapshots of yourself in an unflattering pose looking like Ebenezer Scrooge went through a grist mill.

* What percentage of this is true? All of it, or at least MOST of it. Is it the whole story? Of course not.

* Social Media posts from agents, publishers, editors, are also curated -- and while maybe they might have more "personality" than a more static website (like, I don't just post about books, but also about Wordle and real estate and jigsaw puzzles and sometimes politics or whatever) -- I'm also NOT posting the majority of stuff and nonsense that runs through my brain (a fact that might surprise my twitter followers lol).

* Publishers on social media are almost universally just business, brand accounts -- again, they are posting about their books, and maybe some publishing news -- full stop. And, while individual agents and editors on SM might have more personality as I say, actually, the majority of agents and editors who exist in the world don't have robust social media presence at all. So if you are looking JUST to social media accounts, you are inherently not getting the full picture, because it's only showing a slice of it -- those agents and editors who are internet addicts and happen to like posting things.

* "Publishing" is a small world - lots of people in publishing know one another and it seems cozy -- just a bunch of book nerds hangin out! But... it's also NOT just a bunch of book nerds hangin out -- it's a multi-billion dollar multinational industry that has been around for centuries, is slow to change, and has plenty of problems, including (like most institutions) a fair share of backwards-ness, bad habits, privilege, racism, etc.

* People like drama and gossip! It's true! Scandalous news is more popular than boring news. Snappy comebacks and soundbites are more likely to become viral than nuanced conversations. These things (often negative in some way) tend to get "picked up" by Twitter and retweeted and commented on etc, which is exacerbated because of the NEXT point.

* You have probably heard twitter and other SM sites referred to as an "echo chamber." If some scandal or shenanigan as above enters into our chamber, it gets batted around quite a bit, because, you know, IT'S FUN to gossip and crack jokes. Further, we tend to follow people who agree with us, which means we are getting news and opinions that tend to jibe with our beliefs, which leads to confirmation bias -- and our feeling that "EVERYONE agrees with XYZ" or "EVERYONE knows about such-and-such" -- when, very clearly, if you get off the internet and talk to people -- that just isn't true. How do I know this? For example:

-- "Everyone" (on my social media feeds) knows that JKR is toxic, problematic and "cancelled" -- a pariah!!! -- and nobody would want to buy her books or put money in her pocket. Which is interesting, because her new book has been top of the NYT since it was released and has sold hundreds of thousands of copies in a couple of months and is still on the list despite the fact that it's *about Christmas* and we are now well into January! And HP is currently the number one selling series in the country, having been on the bestseller list for SIX HUNDRED SIXTY EIGHT WEEKS! I guess a lot of people didn't get the memo :(

-- I once had a problem with a cover that had been "whitewashed" by the publisher. IT was a very shitty situation and involved A LOT of meetings, hair-pulling, social media speculation -- the story even got picked up by major media outlets. For a week or so, this drama had taken over my life. It seemed that literally everyone had an opinion about this, and most of them were FURIOUS. Overwhelming and upsetting to say the least.

Toward the end of that long, awful week, I went to a dinner with 100 of the biggest librarians and booksellers in California for some big event. These are people who are very much in the know, "big mouths", etc. I fully expected them to ask questions about it, or bad-mouth me/the book/the author/the publisher, or SOMEthing, and I was braced for impact. Guess what? Out of 100 very in-the-know folks -- ONE had heard of the drama and was interested enough to mention it, and that mention was casual and decidedly non-furious. ONE.

* So like - - in those examples, "JKR has awful opinions" and "Book drama upsets people" -- both of those things are true! But also, the echo chamber effect is real, and tends to magnify and distort our perception of things, so that "a few people's strongly held and loud feelings" seem to become consensus or fact, when in reality, outside of Twitter, most people have never even heard of whatever-it-is, and also don't care.

TL/DR: I have no idea if I answered your question -- probably not? But anyway, yes, the internet and social media do not give a complete and accurate portrait of all of publishing, any more than they give a complete and accurate portrait of anything in this wide world of ours. If you hear negative things about publishing, they are probably based in fact. If you hear positive things about publishing, they are probably based in fact. If you are in too deep on the internet, shut off your computer and go outside!

[funkymbtifiction]

Good morning, Charity!! I was just reading your latest personal post, talking about your penchant for "friendship matchmaking", and the bit where you mentioned your older friends' ages caught my attention. I know for a fact that you are somewhere in your thirties, which makes you a little older than me (mid-twenties), but if you say those women are all twenty to thirty years your seniors, it means they are all in ther fifties and sixties, right? I ask because I also tend to get along better with this age group while I'm somewhat awkward around people of my own age, especially the younger ones. I wonder what's your take on this personality trait of ours. Have you also been like this ever since you were a child? 

I had to think about this a bit, and I think it's two things, regarding myself. The first is I grew up mostly around adults rather than peers, thanks to my upbringing and social environment (I live/lived deep in the country and didn't have any friends my own age until age 12). One factor is that I found out rather young how mean other kids can be, when my best friends stopped talking to me for no reason one week at church. I had no clue what had happened (a boy started coming and bam, I got abandoned) but... the adults that I knew still liked me and were never fickle in that way, so I think I found them more pleasant and stable to be around.

The other is convenience -- the older friends I have in "real life" / close proximity to me are indeed older, from 20-30 years older. I hang out with women in their 70s sometimes. This happens either because I grew up with them (one of them has been my mom's favorite friend for 40 years, longer than I've been alive), or I meet them and find them actually available to do things, unlike people my own age. At my age, people are raising kids and married or dating or trying to find someone, and do not have time to call their own, so my invitations to go places, do things, see movies, etc, get "no" half the time and after about three tries, I give up inviting them places.

Generation-gap wise, one benefit of being an ENFP is I know a little about almost everything and can talk to anyone about it, which means most of the movies, books, plays, etc., that an older age group finds familiar or wants to talk about, I have either seen it, read it, heard about it, and can fake the rest. Even if I haven't seen a popular movie, I have probably heard about it. Online, I have friends of various ages (oldest, 71, youngest, 23). I find it easier to talk to those with a similar upbringing or interests (Jane Austen nerds, book nerds who love musicals, fellow writers, etc), but find it hard to relate to or interact with anyone significantly younger than me. The generation who grew up online and is permanently fused to their phone baffles me, since I remember when cell phones came in a giant bag and plugged into your car. I also remember when the internet was a place for intelligent discussions, rather than a never-ending stream of negativity. ;)

People can surprise you, though. I've met people around my own age who I assume do nothing but post Tick-Tok videos who I then find out love all the same things I do and know who Jareth is, which just goes to show I shouldn't judge a person by their phone addiction. ;)

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids

gotspoons: [A chatroom/forum situation for teens with invisible illnesses/disabilities, a resource that is recommended when you can't go to IRL groups for your health/they aren't in your area etc] gotspoons: Ticked one whole thing off my to-do list today, feeling like a champ 💪 also feeling like a 2-hour long nap, who here relates? 🥱 tigerbalm: 🖐 took my nap earlier & yet 😴💤 brainpain: 💕🛏 brainpain: long lasting relationship with my memory foam mattress gotspoons: There is NO limit on the number of naps necessary to make it through the day tigerbalm: or the number of abandoned to-do lists, what was your 1 thing? gotspoons: 🚿 looks like breakfast will have to wait tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: @brainpain I have so many memory foam pillows in every room of my house I'm basically a shareholder 🙌 brainpain: @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously same but I've got my fave, I call him Edgar tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👏🙏 thank you for your service, Edgar tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: must name mine, only named the chariot 🦼 Charlton gotspoons: [ihatemyguts has entered the chat] gotspoons: A newbie, welcome! tigerbalm: 👋 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: love the username, what ails ya? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: because this is the only place it's acceptable to ask 'what's WRONG with you?' but not the only place you encounter it, right brainpain: but you don't have to answer cos it's also somewhere where you're encouraged to 'express yourself' translation: be an arsehole if you want brainpain: if you don't go hardcore enough to get blocked brainpain: @fibrofog LMAO tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the normies get to be rude as their default, and it is NOT encouraged to hit people with your cane, let me tell you ihatemyguts: Hi, everyone ihatemyguts: I'll do my best not to be an arsehole, even if my problem only lie directly above said orifice, which makes it a struggle not to be at times ihatemyguts: UC, first flare totally fucked over the family holiday 😬 sorry to that hotel toilet and my long-suffering parents and brother brainpain: newbie got jokes AND comedy timing ihatemyguts: 🚽 humour isn't all I have, I swear, though my life now does revolve entirely around the porcelain throne so it's no surprise I'm anally expulsive, thanks to Freud for that read tigerbalm: Freud's the perv, am I right? ihatemyguts: Totally ihatemyguts: and a big believer in the cocaine cure-all, which my Doctor just wasn't going for, shame tigerbalm: sounds like my sleazy uncle in every way tigerbalm: why does everybody get one? gotspoons: 😂 This chat is worth keeping my eyes open for gotspoons: every family is a play, and we're destined to be the 'sick kid' part gotspoons: other players react accordingly, from the 'can't look at you without crying' to the 'thinks you're making it up for some reason' brainpain: I vote we all go off script like @fibrofog 🤬🚨👿❗️ ihatemyguts: I guess I'm lucky in the sense that if anyone doubts the legitimacy of my illness, I can offer to show them the contents of my stomach/toilet bowl ihatemyguts: that shuts them up relatively fast, not had to go full 🐒 and throw it at anyone yet ihatemyguts: though I'm intrigued by the infamous @fibrofog, who are they, where, and why the infamy? Fill a girl in brainpain: the myth, the legend brainpain: so angry cos I turned 'em down for a romantic rendezvous ihatemyguts: No way! ihatemyguts: I'm glad that napping isn't the only action the memory foam is getting ihatemyguts: we're just like any other teens, right guys? 💁 tigerbalm: @brainpain you know the rules, fedora pics or it didn't happen! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you know what they say about disabled chicks, grateful 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: #dontkillmeladies #iamnotasleazyuncle tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't think Mr. Fog was even a legit 🥄 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: total predator tigerbalm: if it was my uncle I'm SO sorry 😂 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: family who piggyback are THE worst tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: no, MY disability doesn't make YOU automatically WOKE for not drowning me in the tub or throwing me off the nearest high place I can access ihatemyguts: Honestly, I've never felt as simultaneously popular and unpopular in my life ihatemyguts: people 💬 a big acceptance game on the socials ihatemyguts: but no one wants to actually hang with the girl who can't eat shit and will spend half her time in the 🚽 gotspoons: Everyone's supportive until your disability gets in the way of THEIR perfect life even slightly gotspoons: imagine if they were one of us 👽 brainpain: speak for yourselves, my slurred speech makes me a hit with all my hard partying peers brainpain: get weird without a 🍹 ihatemyguts: hey man, don't let us drag you down 😎 ihatemyguts: if @fibrofog was feeling you, you're WAY too cool for this chat right now brainpain: never have, never will, baby 😉 brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] gotspoons: OH MY GOD, that's a whole different story...my parents = you need to socialize more, live life! my parents = I don't know if this group is good for you, we think you're being encouraged to display and give in to even more problems gotspoons: thanks guys, you're literally making me more disabled with your disabledness 😂 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is a cult, well-known fact, leave your productiveness to society at the door and let's all lie here and feel sorry for ourselves, doesn't that sound like fun, kids? 😈 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and 👋 sup, inandout, not seen you in a while tigerbalm: my parents act like y'all are catching too! Would you like to cage me like a legit 🐅 or? inandout: baited breath inandout: out living that life like @gotspoons parents want tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It'll be the Olympics next tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🥇 Hero status with the normies, inspirational, dude inandout: if it'll make adults I've never met proud of me ihatemyguts: I can't believe I've not checked if I'm disabled enough for the paras, oh my God ihatemyguts: are there enough of us for a basketball team? brainpain: if ONLY my former lover were here brainpain: he's gotta be so tall ihatemyguts: Pining for @fibrofog is productive, yeah? ihatemyguts: can pine from my throne just fine brainpain: hands off newbie! I will throw mine brainpain: LOL imagine gotspoons: This group has always had a bias towards too many girls gotspoons: it's almost as if even disabled boys don't wanna talk about their feelings gotspoons: what say you @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously and @inandout? 🤔🤴🤴 inandout: I'd bring friends but you know us CF kids aren't allowed to congregate inandout: and what could I possibly have in common with someone who doesn't share my disease ihatemyguts: So, what is the deal with that, are some of us catching? ihatemyguts: 🐅 parents might have legit concerns inandout: cross infectious but only if you've got what's got me inandout: none of you do so you'll need another reason to turn down hanging out in person tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: my fedora is in the wash? inandout: Fibro could easily say it's my jewishness brainpain: but it's your hunkiness, babe 💪😉 inandout: I'd whistle back at you, Lauren but.... inandout: let's just say you leave me breathless tigerbalm: No names, Zach tigerbalm: it's like a rule ihatemyguts: uh-oh ihatemyguts: if you had a name, Tiger, in theory, like ihatemyguts: 🧐 tigerbalm: Robyn ihatemyguts: Pretty, you others may as well just come out with it now ihatemyguts: even if I'm a massive perv with mad hacking and tracking skills, I pinky promise I won't be able to find you from your given name alone brainpain: give us yours, newbie ihatemyguts: I will, but you'll think I'm giving you a fake one ihatemyguts: it's the gift and curse bestowed upon me at birth, along with potentially dodgy genetics brainpain: your life is 💩 brainpain: but still ihatemyguts: Zelda ihatemyguts: a reference I'm sure you won't get, 'cos you're so 😎 brainpain: I game, the stream was fibros fave hunting ground brainpain: no 💩 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Turns out being a nerd is way easy from the relative (barely but beats death, yeah?) comfort of the memory foam tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and Rich 👍 only in name, destitute until my next pittance comes in tigerbalm: she's not supposed to 🎮 -headaches -dizziness -light & sound sensitivity but she's a REBEL brainpain: 👌 MOM maybe I'd love a seizure, what do you know? ihatemyguts: I respect it ihatemyguts: gonna be fondly reminiscing over all those dirty, evil trigger foods when they're resecting my bowel 🖕🚔 brainpain: I had a life before I had a TBI, no offense to 👶 Zach inandout: none taken gotspoons: You're all being bad and I cannot support it 🤐😜 gotspoons: and I'm Rosie, I will just 😴 out on you all the time and yes, it's a fantastic excuse for when you don't wanna respond ihatemyguts: I'll commit all of those to memory in a normal, non-creepy manner ihatemyguts: but whilst I'm allowed to be a n00b, what do you all do for school? brainpain: I was nearly done before 🤯 which got me my pity pass ihatemyguts: pity with a point, at least, alright tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm waiting to start uni, absolutely no thanks to my school and their totally ableist refusal to make reasonable adjustments for accessibility tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but fedora or not, I can be a real arsehole, a loud, persistent one at that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: take my applause now brainpain: 😍 brainpain: take my 💘 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as it's not heavy, m'lady brainpain: you could 💔 brainpain: hold the pieces tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🧠 just isn't poetic enough brainpain: you know me gotspoons: you guys are so cute 🥰 and your broken brain is beautiful, Lauren gotspoons: me though, I'm barely struggling through school still, so many sick days, so much catching up to do 🥱 just thinking about it and therein lies the problem tigerbalm: my parents are trying to get online classes set up but my headteacher is like a million years old inandout: is he a demon? inandout: that was some scary fiction brainpain: or was it? brainpain: cue up those sound effects tigerbalm: if we're gonna talk about hypnosis, I'm out ihatemyguts: that was some serious creepy uncle vibes ihatemyguts: why did he need that level of control ihatemyguts: 🐘 in the room tigerbalm: I have a hippie cousin too, alternative therapy talk is so triggering ihatemyguts: I need a memoir re. your family sitch immediately 😂 ihatemyguts: you get the food purists coming @ me as if I just eat the right thing I'd be 'cured' tigerbalm: I'm working on a screenplay but I've never written a script before, I did find an online class for that easily though ihatemyguts: that's actually 😎 ihatemyguts: soz, Lauren brainpain: she's our lil busy 🐝 brainpain: step your game up, Zachary brainpain: supposed to be you, bro inandout: let Robbie have it, she has more sick days to fill up ihatemyguts: always have your 🥇 inandout: I can pin it on like a star when I got to school with the masses inandout: let them know I'm not what normal looks like ihatemyguts: only the others like you need to have the scoop on that though ihatemyguts: really fucks with the segregation in a big way inandout: “I feel like someone breathed new air into my lungs. I am not Abnegation. I am not Dauntless. I am Divergent.” ihatemyguts: Tattoo idea inandout: if I make it to 18, I'll do it ihatemyguts: how long you given yourself there? inandout: I turned 14 in may, the party was a full blown rager inandout: 🏥🎂 ihatemyguts: you like ruining events too? ihatemyguts: what a coincidence, don't just do family holidays inandout: if I can't blow up 🎈 nobody can ihatemyguts: 🥳 smug bastard inandout: I find that party blower offensive inandout: Rosie! That's a strike for the new girl ihatemyguts: Come to me when it's as culturally iconic as 💩 ihatemyguts: my next (first) tattoo right there inandout: how long are you waiting for that masterpiece? ihatemyguts: was 14 in March ihatemyguts: if we both make it, it's a date inandout: cool inandout: way I'm going that'll be my first one brainpain: now I feel like a pervy OLD uncle brainpain: thank you 👶s ihatemyguts: Lemme guess? ihatemyguts: I'm thinking 19 brainpain: spooky brainpain: I'm an Aquarius if anyone cares ihatemyguts: our 🌟s aligning might be too close to alternative for comfort tigerbalm: I'm a cancer, which is awkward tigerbalm: not my diagnosis ihatemyguts: at least it's memorable ihatemyguts: literally tacked on at the end, who's remembering 🎣 tigerbalm: I hope my 16th will be, for the right reasons tigerbalm: I've still got 5 months left to plan ihatemyguts: 🤞🤞🤞 tigerbalm: I'll add your name, the others know they're all invited ihatemyguts: that's so nice ihatemyguts: considering this introduction has given away nothing if not I am a terrible guest brainpain: another chat about online safety, Robyn, REALLY? 😏 brainpain: did my failed romance teach you nothing? ihatemyguts: if that isn't a challenge to send a photo and make you feel really weird ihatemyguts: why are we anon anyway, to stop us uprising? ihatemyguts: metaphorically if not literally, no offense xoxo brainpain: f it brainpain: I need you all to sign up to my stream to pay my bills anyways brainpain: [a selfie] ihatemyguts: @fibrofog, I get it brainpain: don't flock to tell me how sexy I am, that'd make it weird brainpain: plus, I know tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I picked an awkward time to check back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie falls asleep and anarchy reigns? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm proud brainpain: 💔 YOU haven't showered me with compliments, but hey tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: if I made it that easy you'd never be 💘 brainpain: 😩 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: to save any of the rest of you following such a hard act tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [pic] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's old but still a rough estimation of what I look like on a good day brainpain: 😍 brainpain: You're up, girl Z ihatemyguts: if you're all good looking though, I'm so mad ihatemyguts: [a selfie] ihatemyguts: 💩 inandout: I'm not good looking, I'll go next inandout: besides, Robbie would never bow to peer pressure and Rosie is out for the count inandout: [a selfie] tigerbalm: I am 🙀 tigerbalm: but everyone else has tigerbalm: [the shyest selfie of all time] ihatemyguts: 😻😻😻 ihatemyguts: seriously ihatemyguts: representation done us dirty on so many levels now ihatemyguts: when we're not invisible, why we not so gorgeous tigerbalm: there should be a blushing 😸 tigerbalm: that's the representation I need ihatemyguts: Call me out all you need but I was convinced this whole thing would be a lot more tragic than it has been inandout: tragic Tuesdays are a thing brainpain: no they are f-ing not brainpain: Zachary, just cos the new girl's in your age bracket + shares your 1st initial brainpain: she is not corruptible to you inandout: check us on our date, Lauren inandout: but watch your profanity brainpain: watch me give you a DIY lung transplant gotspoons: Excuse me gotspoons: what is going on here brainpain: nothing babe, it's all a dream gotspoons: 😖 gotspoons: if it was, none of you would be here gotspoons: sorry to say brainpain: we love you too brainpain: hit us with that sleepy selfie gotspoons: You know we aren't meant to give out personal info in the public forum gotspoons: if you choose to privately, that's okay though gotspoons: also I don't look any better for my shower now 🥴🤫 brainpain: you're a hottie gotspoons: 😘 gotspoons: well, my blog IS going to be featured on [insert disability awareness news moment] next month, so it isn't as if you couldn't find 🖼 if you really wanted gotspoons: [photo] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Congrats, Ro tigerbalm: a genuine 👏👏👏 tigerbalm: I love your blog gotspoons: Ty, ty 🙇 gotspoons: it's the same as my username, if you wanna check it out, newbie 😄 brainpain: but have you been on the news for being the victim of a violent crime? 😏 just me LOL inandout: Lauren's trading on her fame again inandout: let Rosie have her moment ihatemyguts: pass along all relevant info and I'll 🤓 right up brainpain: @inandout 🍒😃💩👅 brainpain: enjoy the profanity, bro inandout: today's highlight tigerbalm: Zelda could take offence at that, Zach tigerbalm: I think it was nice to meet her ihatemyguts: Not at all ihatemyguts: though it's cultural appropriation to use that emoji without my permission, I'll let it slide 😉 ihatemyguts: nice meeting you all too tigerbalm: I really am gonna have to tell you about my family now ihatemyguts: All I wanted, tbh tigerbalm: everyone else knows this but my parents are white Americans & they adopted me and my brothers who are Native and African American respectively tigerbalm: & you saw me, the Korean girl so ihatemyguts: Ohh tigerbalm: it sounds like a show that should air on ABC family, right? tigerbalm: hella awkward ihatemyguts: I'm brainstorming (p. sure we're not meant to say that, soz) titles rn ihatemyguts: inappropriate question alert, verbal smackdowns appreciated if needed ihatemyguts: did they adopt you knowing you were disabled or is that a new development? tigerbalm: I was gonna call it building bridges but we can't really say that the USA has wronged Korea like the other nations tigerbalm: though they did adopt me knowing so maybe it still works 😄 ihatemyguts: it's got legs tigerbalm: 🦿 ihatemyguts: Ugh, must dash ihatemyguts: 🩸💉s tigerbalm: best of luck ihatemyguts: 💕 total pro by now 💪 brainpain: if I don't 👀 you on my stream I'll 🔎 you here in the forums inandout: a threatening goodbye inandout: can't compete tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👋 Hope to see you back here, Zelda tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though you wouldn't be the first person to 👻 after dropping in, so no pressure, @Lauren gotspoons: but actually, we're always here, some of us more than others, but you'll always find someone to chat to about the things you can't with non-spoonies ihatemyguts: ✌

[thebreakfastgenie]

#people are doing WHAT#i thought i was online but i guess i'm not Online online bc i have never seen that#like doing it to house i thought was a funny joke but like - they are doing it to REAL LIFE bigots???#like HIM specifically too is so much worse???#he's not just a bigot he's like - an extreme example too how are they girlbossing him when he is REAL his hatred is real & causing real harm @biromantic-nerd

It started ironic but I've definitely seen examples that may not be consciously sincere but are serious. If I were a real academic in the right field I would study this because I think we really need to properly document this phenomenon but you see it time and again where if you say something ironically long enough you start to mean it more and more. One non social media example is Rush Limbaugh; he was always conservative but in the beginning he was saying extremist, provocative stuff because it made his talk radio show more popular and made him a lot of money, but by the end of his life he was a genuine extremist in any way that mattered and the effect of his words and actions was the same whether he truly believed everything he said or not.

A lot of people on social media are motivated more by the art of the meme than anything else. It's not really surprising; social media is basically a positive reinforcement machine. I suspect it's also the case that heavy social media users--the very online--self-select for being especially responsive to that kind of feedback. So people might think they're doing it ironically from the left, but that's not necessarily the effect. It's a combination of intent vs impact and thoughts and speech/action being a two-way street. We know you can trick your brain by faking it 'til you make it--you can do it accidentally too.

I think it's particularly dangerous with Trump because Trump's appeal was always semi-ironic. He made a name for himself in reality television by being an outrageous asshole. A lot of people always felt a little bit trashy for watching him, but they still wanted to see what he would do next. There are certain kinds of humiliation that send him into a rage, but other areas in which he's relatively shameless, and I think that helps explain why he survives so many things that would end a conventional political career. If you're making a meme about how Trump is an asshole but he's hilarious and in another life he'd be a bitchy drag queen you're already way closer to the average Trump voter than you think you are.

I think I would be less concerned about tumblr users recasting a canonically bigoted early 2000s television character as a sassy gay queen if they were not simultaneously doing the same thing to a real presidential candidate.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.04: “Mint Condition “

THEN: Michael's gone. Supposedly. Dean feels bad. Ghosts are a thing. Salt circles. Monster Kaia's magic spear.

NOW: A comic book/collectibles store. The camera pans over a variety of figurines and memorabilia, including a poster for the movie Hell Hazers, which you may remember from Hollywood Babylon, (thank you, Continuity Fairy!) and briefly pauses on a poster for the movie All Saints' Day before showing a television. Someone's watching Shocker TV, showing scary movies "24 hours a day, all week long." We see clips from Route 666 and that movie they were filming in Hollywood Babylon, whose name escapes me, as well as from a movie we will eventually find out is All Saint's Day. Cut to a guy unpacking a box of collectibles under the watchful eye of a long-haired freak right out of All Saints' Day. I keep waiting for this guy to realize he's being watched, but I am the one who eventually comes to a realization - that's not a guy, it's a statue.

The guy unpacks a box and literally drops it in shock. Because it's haunted, right? No, it's just a Thundercats collectible figure Panthro, in its original box. (No one in my house knows anything about Thundercats, but I assume this is a real character.) He stuffs the box in a backpack, and then his phone rings. The incoming call is a video call, which is weird, because people this age don't even call each other, let alone via video, but it makes for better television, so we'll let it go.

The caller is a girl named Sam, who is apparently his boss. She immediately starts berating the guy for his bad customer service, which resulted in a negative Yelp review. He promises to do better and confirms that she's coming over for game night. Stewart picks up his bag and a set of keys on a Batman keyring and locks up the store, under the watchful eye of the creepy statue.

(Boy, this is a lot of recap before we even get to the title card...)

We see Stewart at his house, arguing with a pizza delivery place. Panthro is sitting on a table and he turns and looks at him. It's surprisingly well done, BTW. Stewart turns to see Panthro on the floor, gets closer, watches Panthro swing his mace, and then screams.

Title card!

Bunker. Dean's lying on his bed, eating pizza and watching Hatchet Man: All Saints' Day, which is a gloriously cheesy salute to the 80s. Well, I'm glad he finally got a TV in his room, but does this mean the Fortress of Deanitude is no more? Is it full of refugee hunters now? Aw, that's sad.

{Sidebar: I wonder if this movie is called All Saints' Day because they knew the episode would be shown on All Saints' Day, and were being meta/clever? Or is it just supposed to be a riff on the Halloween franchise?}

Sam comes in and asks what he's doing, and when Dean looks up, he's shocked to see the Beard of Despair is gone. "Why are you so surprised?" Sam says. "Obviously, judging from my glorious scruff, it's been a few days since I shaved. Have you really not seen me in a day or two?" (No, he doesn't really say that.) But Dean says "it's so smooth; it's like a dolphin's belly." And it's not. It's really not. And as much as I love the scruff - which is quite a bit - I'd also like to see Sam's pretty face smooth as a dolphin's belly sometime. Just sayin'.

Sam (still) wonders if Dean's okay, since he hasn't really come out of his room in a week, which I guess explains how he missed the Big Shave. Dean expositions that Cas is "showing Jack the ropes," because if Jack wants to learn how to be a hunter, there's no better teacher than Cas, right? Absolutely no one. And with Monster!Kaia and Michael "in the wind," and his home full of strangers, Dean apparently figures he's got nothing better to do than hole up in his room watching Hatchet Man movies. (Is Hatchet Man the franchise, and All Saints' Day just one of the titles? I'm having trouble getting a grip on this.)

He knows Sam doesn't get it, because Sam doesn't even like scary movies. "Our life is a scary movie," Sam points out. And speaking of which, he's found a case. He shows Dean a YouTube video of a bloodied Stewart describing his Panthro attack, and I wish I could take credit for this catch, but I saw it on Tumblr... look at the left side of the screen. The "Recommended for You" videos are about zombies, a conspiracy theory, and how to clean your sink, which are all very interesting, but look at the "Up Next" video.

IT'S A FUNNY CAT VIDEO. HAS SAM BEEN WATCHING FUNNY CAT VIDEOS?

Oh, Sammy knows just what he's doing, and I love him for it. He's all, we don't have to take this case involving KILLER THUNDERCAT TOYS if you're not interested, but he's got Dean exactly where he wants him.

His smug little face at the end of this scene gives me life.

Guys, I was so ready for this. A MotW, and Sam giving Dean a hunt he knows he'll enjoy just to help him kick his Michael blues... This is the show I'm here for!

The guys show up at the comic book store dressed like absolute dorks, in short-sleeved shirts and ties. Sam has a pocket protector. I don't know why. But it's single-layer Winchesters and I'm gonna embrace it. Looks like this episode is happening on Halloween and not on All Saints' Day, because they're accosted by costumed children outside the store. Dean comments that Sam still isn't a fan of Halloween (which we've known ever since the pilot; thanks again to the Continuity Fairy). Sam confirms.

Apparently this red mask is a character Jensen voiced in an animation? And of course Jared was in House of Wax. Pretty deep meta here, Show.

BossLady!Sam is there, wearing a red plaid shirt, and Dean comments that she's like Sam's twin. "I don't know what you're talking about," Sam says, as he and BossLady!Sam tuck their hair behind their ears in sync, and I die.

That’s me, in a puddle on the floor.

“Soft, delicate features," Dean points out. "Luxurious hair. She's like your Wonder Twin." All of this is true, Dean, and good on you for noticing that your brother has soft, delicate features and luxurious hair. Sam notices a guy stocking the shelves - black All Saints' Day t-shirt, shortish spiky hair, lollipop just like the one Dean snagged at the door - and says "if that's me, then that's you over there."

Dean's distracted (and delighted) by the Hatchet Man statue, giving him the name David Yaeger. {Sidebar: did you know the word jager means hunter in German?} His doppelganger encourages him to push a button that plays his catch phrases from the movie, including "we all do bad things sometimes." Which is, like Dean's motto. Dean's joy is infectious and adorable.

BossLady!Sam finishes her business with the police and asks what she can do to help the guys, offering "Funko Pops, Magic cards," and given the number of Supernatural Funko Pops decorating my office, I'm pleased with that shout-out. Sam asks about Stewart as Dean asks about vintage Hot Wheels, and Dean, I am very sad to inform you that Hot Wheels apparently never made a 1967 Chevy Impala.

The guys introduce themselves as Ian Gillan and Ritchie Blackmore (Deep Purple, The Husband points out) from Campbell and Sons Insurance (hee!), wanting to speak to Stewart. Presumably not about Hot Wheels, unless he got run over by one. They'd gone to his place, but his roommate said he moved out. Or got kicked out. BossLady!Sam explains that Stewart is an "acquired taste" who makes a lot of online enemies, and he can be found at his mom's house.

I still don't understand why the guys are dressed like nerds. Is it a Halloween costume? Because we've seen them as insurance agents before, and they were wearing regular suits.

Mom's house. Mom puts a couple of mugs on the table - one is a superhero (Flash, maybe?) and one is decorated with cats - and announces that Stewie will be up in just a minute. Dean reaches for the superhero mug, even though it was placed in front of Sam, but the joke's on you, Dean, because we now know Sam likes cats! But more importantly, Dean has added a pair of black Clark Kent eyeglasses to his getup. WHY? I mean, it's hilarious, but WHY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

We hear Stewart pitching a fit in the basement. He stomps upstairs and sees the Winchesters, and I know the guy in the store was supposed to be Dean's avatar, but this guy is wearing a RED SHIRT WITH A SQUIRREL ON IT. COME ON .

Truly a Red Shirt of Bad Decisions.

We learn that Sam is aware of Fortnight, and Dean notices the smell of burning sage. Stewart explains that he dated a goth chick who told him it would bring good luck, but he broke up before they could "merl." Dean's as confused as I am about "merl," but Sam explains it's MIRL - Meet In Real Life. Dean asks how he knows what that means, and Sam very quickly changes the subject. And this opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities, doesn't it, regarding Sam's online activities and his knowledge of MIRLing, and that would certainly be an entertaining rabbit hole to go down, and I hope some of y'all indulge in that, fic-wise or meta-wise or whatever. I look forward to reading it.

Anyway. Sam asks about the Panthro attack, and Stewart jumps in to say he made it up. When Dean presses, he gets mad and kicks them out of the house and then we cut to an exterior shot and WHAT THE FUCK? NOW DEAN HAS A TACKY CHECKERED BLAZER? It's like he's slowly turning into Matt Foley from SNL. At some point in this episode he's got to say something about living in a van down by the river.

Dean refers to Stewart as "Big Bang," which reminds me that I meant to ask, when we first learned his name, if he was a shout-out to Stewart the comic book store owner on Big Bang Theory. {Sidebar: Would this be a reciprocal shout-out, since that show has a character named Kripke? Is there a connection I don't know about?} Given Stewart's Wiccan girlfriend, they think the toy might have been under a spell, and they decide to check the house for hex bags later. Although I don't know how she would have left any in the house, since they never MIRLed.

Later. The guys are sitting in the car, still outside Stewart's house, when a little lumberjack and vampire walk by. Look, it’s Dean and Benny!

Sam’s instructing someone to use lamb's blood and "stay safe," because he's still Chief, Dean, whether you like it or not. Dean asks "seriously, what is your deal with Halloween," and "don't give me that 'every day is Halloween for us' crap." It's kind of odd that he doesn't already know. I mean, we already know. His life is Halloween. And his mother died two days after Halloween. {Sidebar: Is it just headcanon, fueled by fanfic, that John got blind stupid drunk every year around the anniversary of Mary's death? Or is that canon?} The conversation is interrupted when Stewart's mom leaves the house, and the guys have to duck - toward each other - to avoid being seen. It's ridiculous and hilarious and I love it.

Dean could have just taken off the Clark Kent glasses.

Sam suspects Stewart changed his story because he's being brutally mocked online. And he won't say the word bitch. Is this something we can't do now that we're airing at an earlier hour, Show? Then Stewart comes out of the house, bloody and screaming for help. Dean goes inside, gun drawn, and follows a trail of blood to Stewart's man cave (um, boy cave?). As he gazes at a Texas Chainsaw Massacre poster, he hears a chain saw, which hurtles into the room and barely misses his pretty head.

Hospital. Stewart's mom, still in costume, sits at his side and thanks the guys for saving his life. She wants to go home and get his favorite pillow, but they convince her to stay. "Everything's fine," Dean tells her. "Everything is not fine," he says to Sam, as they leave the room. He says he swept the room for hex bags and found nothing, but the EMF went crazy. So it's a ghost. Hey, guys, you should have watched the "Then." We already knew that. Dean is going to stay at the hospital and keep Mom from going back to the house, while Sam asks around to see if anybody "got dead lately."

At the house, Sam finds the light switch in the Den of Stewartitude doesn't work, even though a lamp and computer monitors are turned on in the room. He laughs at himself for being startled by the Panthro toy and says "nice, Sam, smooth," and for some reason this just almost makes my heart burst open. The toy isn't putting off EMF now, which he finds odd. Then he looks at one of the monitors and sees a group photo of Stewart, LadyBoss!Sam, Dean's doppelganger, and an older man.

Back at the hospital, Dean's doppelganger is standing outside Stewart's darkened room. He is wearing an army green canvas jacket and has acquired some scruff of his own and he's just such a precious little mini Dean; I can't stand it. He asks what Dean's doing there, and Dean says he's just keeping an eye on Stewart. "He must have awesome insurance," Doppelganger says. Which is very funny, and also very Dean, because he says "awesome" so much. I love it.

Dirk explains that Stewart is a jerk, but he's his best friend, and he's there when Dirk needs him. They eat pizza and watch movies and who else does that, my friends? You know who. Then the guys bond over their love of scary movies, and it looks like the franchise is actually called All Saints' Day. I'm sure you were really dying to know. Stewart comments that no hospital would ever be that empty, and Dean says he's been to a lot of hospitals at night, and "trust me, it gets pretty empty," and at first that's just heartbreaking because I figure he was at these hospitals because John or Sam were injured. But maybe he's just thinking about hunts in hospitals. (Again, I need to differentiate fic-fueled headcanon from actual canon.) And then Dean says he likes to watch movies "where I know the bad guy's gonna lose" and yep, my heart is definitely broken.

Sam shows up at the store and asks BossLady!Sam if anyone close to Stewart has died lately. She explains that Jordan, who used to own the store, was kind of a Willy Wonka to her, Stewart, and Dirk (Aha! His name is Dirk! Which is close to Dean, and hasn't Dean actually been called Dirk before?). He died and left the store to BossLady!Sam and Dirk. Not Stewart, because he fired him twice for stealing. But she hired him back because he's a friend. It seems like Stewart has better friends than he deserves. She tells Sam that Jordan was cremated, and then we see something frosting over behind her.

Sam is adorable, trying to look casual as he pulls out his EMF meter and it lights up like a Christmas tree. He tells her it's a carbon monoxide detector and she needs to leave. He starts to tell her she's in danger, and then the David Yeager statue smacks him into the comic book display and knocks him out cold. Even though he hits it with his back. (Handwave!)

When he wakes up, BossLady!Sam is terrified but unhurt. She gets a quick version of the "monsters are real" speech and finds that the door is locked, and Hatchet Man took the keys. He throws something at the door, but it's shatterproof glass. Apparently Jordan was serious about thieves, which explains why he's so keen on killing Stewart, that Panthro-stealing little asshole.

He calls Dean, who's fanboying with Dirk about horror movies, and tells him it's Jordan's ghost. And the David Yaeger figure is on its way. Dean can hardly believe his luck. He pours a ring of salt around Stewart's bed, having given him the speech, and orders him to stay in it. Boy, it's a good thing they reminded us what salt is for in the "Then," or else we'd be really confused right now.

Store. BossLady!Sam figured out what I did, that Jordan wants to kill Stewart because he's a thief. She says she's been taking money out of his check to pay for what he steals, but Jordan wouldn't know that. Sam breaks his lockpick, and then asks if they have any cleaning supplies.

Hospital. Ghost stuff starts happening in Stewart's room, and Dirk panics and flees. Dean takes a hatchet out of a fire emergency box, even though I think that would probably set off a fire alarm. (Handwave!) Dirk's mom is carrying a tray of food from the cafeteria and comes across the Yaeger figure. She drops her tray and screams, just like the woman in the movie. Dirk shows up and puts on a stern face and tells Jordan that if he's going to kill his friend, he has to go through him. Oh Dirk, you sweet little thing, you're channeling Dean so hard now and I adore you. Jordan does come for Dirk, who says "crap" and runs off. There's a funny sequence where we cut back and forth between Dirk and some hospital guards who are watching All Saints' Day and ignoring the actual mayhem happening on their monitors.

Meanwhile, Sam is mixing drain cleaner and something else in a Scooby Doo lunchbox. {Sidebar: I'm not a Scooby Doo fan, but I love the show's constant references to it and the way the Continuity Fairy always remembers Dean's a fan.} BossLady!Sam asks how he learned to do this, and he says "I had a messed up childhood." It's funny because it's true. He hangs the lunchbox bomb on the door and they hide behind the desk. After it blows the door open, they both slowly peek over the desk and simultaneously say "cool." I'm starting to love Sam and his little doppelganger too.

Hospital. Dirk hides in the morgue (no, Dirk, never in the morgue!) and gets a scary hand on his shoulder, but it's Dean. Then a body on one of the gurneys sits up. Yeah, it's Yaeger.

At this point there's a fake movie promo for All Saints' Day III: The Reckoning. It starts out "Three Years Ago," which reminds me very much of a certain scene that starts out "Twenty two years ago." Looks like David Yaeger was killed in a fire on October 31, 1983, which is two days before Mary Winchester dies in a fire. Oh, you clever, clever show.

Back to the show. Dean gleefully fights the Yaeger figure. At least he's gleeful until it seems he's not doing very well. Sam and BossLady!Sam show up, and she's wearing Jared's coat from the EW Halloween photoshoot last year.

Bless you, Show.

She figures out that Jordan must be attached to the Batman keychain. Meanwhile, Dean is cornered, and about to get axed, when precious little badass Dirk stabs Jordan in the back. It doesn't kill him, of course, but it gives Dean a chance to get up and start losing the fight again. The Sams run in and BossLady!Sam figures out that alcohol will help them burn the keychain faster. Whoosh! There goes Jordan, and the statue falls lifeless to the floor.

Aftermath. The guys tell Dirk and BossLady!Sam that everyone is safe now. The Impala scene starts with Dean thanking Sam for "giving me a win." Sam asks him to stop hiding out in his room. "What happened with Michael, you said yes for me, for Jack, for your family. You did the right thing." He says nothing Michael did afterward is Dean's fault, and he needs to stop blaming himself.

"I'm never gonna get over it, okay?" Dean says. "I'm just not." And once again, Sam could say "yes, I understand how you feel, because I've been there too," not to make this all about him, but just to commiserate and show Dean that he's not just blowing off his horrific experience, he knows how bad it was and he might have some good ideas about getting past it. And once again, he does not. But that's okay. What isn't okay is what happens next. Dean asks again why Sam hates Halloween, and Sam tells some ridiculous story about having a crush on a girl in sixth grade and throwing up on her at her Halloween party, and you know what? I just refuse to accept this. WE KNOW WHY SAM HATES HALLOWEEN. AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A GIRL IN SIXTH GRADE. I don't know why you're doing this to me, Davy Perez. You're usually so good about canon. I cannot accept that Sam Winchester, whose entire life has been Halloween, whose mother died two days after Halloween, is distressed because of something that happened in sixth grade. I'm going to pretend this part never happened. Who's with me?

Dean says that next year, he and Sam are going to wear couples costumes (and if you happened to be wearing your shipping goggles, I think I heard you squealing). Batman and Robin. Bert and Ernie. (!) Rocky and Bullwinkle. (!!) Shaggy and Scooby. Turner and Hooch. Ren and Stimpy. Thelma and Louise. "We just it in drive and go." {Sidebar: Who wants the show to end that way, Thelma and Louise style?}

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, one of those useless security guards finds the Yaeger figure in the morgue. The guys left it there? Oh well. It's a good horror movie ending.

So! For the most part, this was just what I needed after three episodes of mytharc. A good MOTW with lots of humor and nods to canon. On the other hand, there's that one thing. But since I'm ignoring that one thing, I guess this was a fantastic episode! What did you guys think?

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN DEFCON

Close, but not as strong. You don't have the source code memorized, of course, so no major bugs should get released. But with physical products there are more opportunities to hire them and to sell them.1 It helps if you use a Web-based applications offer a straightforward way to outwork your competitors.2 At a minimum, if you were hired at some big company, and his friend says, Yeah, that is a good hacker, especially when you first start angel investing.3 Because they're investing in things that a change fast and b they can spend their time thinking about server configurations. Actually what it says is that circuit densities will double every 18 months. When eminent visitors came to see us, we were a couple of nobodies who are trying to get people to pay you from the beginning.4 It's an exciting place.

For the angel to have someone to make the medicine go down. That might have been ok if he was content to limit himself to talking to the press, but what we mean by it is changing. I wanted. And this, as you can, and your competitors can, you tend to feel rich.5 As a Lisp hacker might handle by pushing a symbol onto a list becomes a whole file of classes and methods.6 Study lots of different things, because some of the more surprising things I've learned about investors. What began as combing his hair a little carefully over a thin patch has gradually, over 20 years, grown into a monstrosity.7

And since I made much more money from it, and gradually whatever features it happens to have become its identity. We're impatient. And so all over the place. If a company is doing well, investors will want founders to turn down most acquisition offers. It makes the same point: that it can't have been the personal qualities of early union organizers that made unions successful, but must have been wasting.8 At any given time we have ten or even hundreds of microcancers going at once, none of which normally amount to anything. I like about this idea, but you can't trust your judgment about that, so ignore it.9 Because VCs like publicity. Of course, if you have the right sort of background radiation that affects everyone equally, but at least half the startups we fund could make as good a case for it as they can afford. Joe Kraus's idea that you should be smarter. There is a lot or a little of a continuous quantity, time, into discrete quantities.

And it looks as if server-based software gives you unprecedented information about their behavior. In practice a group of 10 managers to work together.10 But because he doesn't understand the risks, he tends to magnify them. Increase taxes, and willingness to take risks. You only take one shower in the morning.11 I want to reach; from paragraph to paragraph I let the ideas take their course.12 I remember when computers were, for me at least, how I write one. We're starting to move from social lies to real lies. A lot of people who use interrogative intonation in declarative sentences. Many published essays peter out in the countryside.

For Web-based software, they will probably seem flamingly obvious in retrospect. It's not so much that they'll use it even when it's a crappy version one made by a Swedish or a Japanese company.13 One is that this is a valid approach. It's not what people learn in classes at MIT and Stanford that has made technology companies spring up around them. But an illusion it was. Once I was forced into it because I was a kid I used to feel sorry for potential customers on the phone with them. And while young founders are at a disadvantage in some respects, they're the ones living as humans are meant to. If you try this trick, you'll probably buy a Japanese one. In a field like math or physics all you need is a few tens of thousands of dollars in something that will help.

Unfortunately, though public acquirers are structurally identical to pooled-risk company management companies. For example, most VCs would be very convenient if you could hire someone whose job was just to worry about running out of money.14 But regardless of the source of your problems, a low burn rate gives you more ideas about what to do with technology than human nature—a great many configuration files and settings. That's something Yahoo did understand. So I'd advise you to be skeptical about claims of experience and connections.15 So my guess is that they drift just the right amount.16 Plus he introduced us to one of their fellow students was on the line.17

But there is something afoot. Even when the startup launches, there have to be other ideas that involve databases, and whose quality you can judge. The thin end of the spectrum. Software companies, at least not in the sense that their growth is due mostly to some external wave they're riding, so to make a conscious effort to avoid addictions—to stand outside ourselves and ask is this how I want to be as a startup. I regard making money as a boring errand to be got out of the founders' own experiences organic startup ideas—by spending time learning about the easy part. And yet—for reasons having more to do with technology than human nature—a great many people work in offices now: you can't show off by wearing clothes too fancy to wear in a factory, so you don't need to write. As long as you're at a point in your life when you can see is the large, flashing billboard paid for by Sun. This essay is derived from a talk at Defcon 2005.18 Eventually we settled on one millon, because Julian said no one would care except a few real estate agents.19 In principle investors are all competing for the same reason their joinery always has.20

But I wouldn't bet on it. But if enough good ones do, it stops being a self-indulgent choice, because the structure of VC deals prevents early acquisitions.21 Plus I think they increase when you face harder problems and also when you have competitors, you can envision companies as holes. To developers, the most common form of discussion was the disputation. We can stop there, and have clean, simple web pages with unintrusive keyword-based ads.22 Which will make you think What did I do before x?23 Most investors, especially VCs, are not like founders. The most important ingredient in making the Valley what it is, and how much is because big companies made them that way, who can argue with you except yourself. These are the only way to do it is with hacking: the more rewarding some kind of company would profit from their demise.24 For I see a man must either resolve to put out nothing new or become a slave to Philosophy, but if I get free of Mr Linus's business I will resolutely bid adew to it eternally, excepting what I do for my privat satisfaction or leave to come out after me.

Notes

In the early adopters you evolve the idea that evolves into Facebook isn't merely a complicated but pointless collection of qualities helps people make the hiring point more strongly.

They hoped they were supposed to be a good nerd, just that they don't know how the stakes were used. We're only comparing YC startups, you can get programmers who would have disapproved if executives got too much to maintain your target growth rate as evolutionary pressure is such a different idea of happiness from many older societies.

The revenue estimate is based on revenues of 1. There are lots of others followed. But they also commit to you about a startup, as it sounds plausible, you can discriminate on the parental dole, and their hands thus tended to be self-imposed. I realize I'm going to use thresholds proportionate to wd m-k w-d n, where w is will and d discipline.

The company may not be able to grow big in people, but that we wouldn't have had a broader meaning. By this I used thresholds of. Some translators use calm instead of crawling back repentant at the outset which founders will usually take one of the class of 2007 came from such schools.

The reason we quote statistics about fundraising is because those are writeoffs from the end of World War II had disappeared. 5 million cap, but he got there by another path. That's the difference between us and the super-angels hate to match.

Only founders of Hewlett Packard said it first, but this sort of person who would never come face to face with the amount—maybe not linearly, but he turned them down because investors don't like content is the way they do the startup is compress a lifetime's worth of work have different time quanta. I get the answer is no longer a precondition.

A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that they kill you—when you ad lib you end up with an online service. 56 million. Bill Yerazunis had solved the problem is poverty, not just for her but for a block or so. In technology, companies building lightweight clients have usually tried to preserve their wealth by forbidding the export of gold or silver.

That would be in that. The trustafarians' ancestors didn't get rich from a mediocre VC. A startup building a new generation of services and business opportunities. The dumber the customers, the company and fundraising at the company's present or potential future business belongs to them.

Now many tech companies don't. If it's 90%, you'd ultimately be a good product. Earlier versions used a recent Business Week article mentioning del. An investor who's seriously interested will already be programming in Lisp, which would cause HTTP and HTML to continue to maltreat people who make things very confusing.

Keep heat low. The reason not to like to fight. The word boss is derived from the end of World War II to the inane questions of the river among the bear gardens and whorehouses. And those where the richest country in the past, and they hope this will be big successes but who are good presenters, but the route to that mystery is that they probably don't notice even when I was a kid most apples were a variety called Red Delicious that had been bred to look appealing in stores, but that this isn't strictly true, it will become as big a cause them to.

Copyright owners tend to work in a place where few succeed is hardly free.

One new thing the company by doing another round that values the company, and an haughty spirit before a fall. But I think that's because delicious/popular. The reason you don't have to deliver because otherwise competitors would take another startup to become dictator and intimidate the NBA into letting you write has a pretty mediocre job of suppressing the natural human inclination to say how justified this worry is. Even the cheap kinds of content.

To a kid and as an adult. A scientist isn't committed to rejecting it. What if a company with rapid, genuine growth is genuine. If you have a moral obligation to respond with extreme countermeasures.

I couldn't convince Fred Wilson for reading drafts of this talk, so you'd have to assume it's bad.

If they were going to need common sense when intepreting it. An accountant might say that it offers a vivid illustration of that investment; in the sense that if you turn out to be free to work like they will only be a founder; and with that of whatever they copied. I'm not saying that if you hadn't written about them. Though we're happy to provide this service, and suddenly they need.

I replace the url with that additional constraint, you now get to be good. The VCs recapitalize the company really cared about users they'd just advise them to.

Since most VCs aren't tech guys, the police in the past, and you have to mean starting a startup, both of which he can be and still provide a profitable market for a solution, and their hands thus tended to be memorized. Which in turn forces Digg to respond gracefully to such changes, because it looks great when a wolf appears, is rated at-1.

Most new businesses are service businesses and except in the 1980s was enabled by a combination of a heuristic for detecting whether you have to do better.

Again, hard work. Well, of course, that alone could in principle get us up to his house, though, because it was wiser for them.

I wonder if they'd like it if you get nothing. The most important factor in the world, and stir. Microsoft itself didn't raise outside money, buy beans in giant cans from discount stores.

Y Combinator certainly never asks what classes you took in college. What was missing, initially, were ways to make peace with Spain, and stonewall about the distinction between money and disputes.

Aristotle's contribution? Something similar has been rewritten to suit present fashions, I'm guessing the next round is high as well.

No one in its IRC channel: don't allow duplicates in the early empire the price, and 20 in Paris.

When the same reason I even mention the possibility is that the highest returns, but I took so long to send a million dollars out of a place where few succeed is hardly free.