#support people who use drugs

[chronicallycouchbound]

An important thing about me is that I fully support people who use substances, people in recovery, people who use in moderation, people who’ve never used, and none of those things contradict each other.

I’m very much pro-harm reduction and always will be. I support meeting people wherever they’re at, I support people having access to knowledge they need in order to make informed decisions around their use. I support people having access to safe means to use.

And more than anything, I filly support people in active use, including (especially) problematic use. I want my community to be safe. I don’t believe that offering support to people in active use is inherently enabling. I know that the only thing Narcan/Naloxone enables is breathing.

I’ve lost too many loved ones to sit on the sidelines and hope they’ll do what’s needed to keep themselves safe. The bare minimum I can do is emotionally support my community. I need harm reduction, we all do.

[whorejolras]

i'm saying it. i don't think joly would work in a hospital. i think his medical career would be informed by his politics + radicalisation and his + his friends regular drug use, he would be outraged at how the medical industry handles drug users, also at the medical industrial complex in general, so he would find a reputable community led harm reduction organisation to work for 🫶🏻

[jessiesjaded]

there's always a fair point to be made about people becoming fans of something from a country or culture they don't belong to and then being entitled and not understanding different little cultural contexts and it's always good to think about that and keep that in mind when you're in that position and yeah! You should try to learn and listen when you're the fish out of water! but it will never stop being bizarre to me when i see people just totally towing the line on bizarre shitty ideals because supposedly that's just whats normal in X place, okay? like yes I do enjoy a lot of Asian dramas, no I don't think it's okay to act like an actor having a drug problem or even just. yk. smoking weed for fun is a disgusting and heinous person? I don't think they should have their careers wrecked? Yes, a lot of countries have deeply entrenched colourism but that doesn't mean I'll shrug off a pop star saying dark skin is ugly or wrong because I fuckin well care about all the people who have dark skin hearing that bullshit? like yeah cultural ideals exist but sometimes they're WRONG. and BAD.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

uh-oh she's gushing about shinon again and it's super long

So you guys know I love Shinaff. BUT!!! I would like to explain to you part of how that came to be, i.e. how Janaff's supports with Shinon were both different and important!!! In other words, a direct exploration of his development involving laguz and how he's turning out for the better post Janaff A support and RD (and how it makes the most sense to have their A support slotted between the beginning of PoR and the end of RD for a full progression of his development)!

First of all, Shinon only has three supports; so unlike most characters, every line counts and needs to hold more weight to his conversations.

Rolf and Gatrie's supports portray different sides of him: the mentor and the friend. What we see in these supports is stuff we essentially already knew about him, but we're given more depth. The thing to note here is, again, we already knew these things about him. This is the man we started with.

What we don't get in these supports is proper development. Janaff is the only support he has that gives him that. Janaff's supports with him are the only ones that gives him any self reflection and improvement. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for the other supports, but it's more that it props up these ones a little bit more.

Also, when you get to RD, Shinon comes off as though he's already gotten this development. He feels like he's grown as a person. While that makes sense, from a player's perspective, we didn't really see that development in him (like we would have with characters like Ike, Mist, Soren, etc)... unless you supported him with Janaff.

In RD, Shinon has Gatrie and Rolf as bonded by defaults. These are basically internal bonds in RD - ones that aren't needed by supports. You can carry over support data from PoR to RD, and characters will receive a bond with the character they A supported. For some, like Ranulf and Ike, these bonds will be there regardless of if they got an A support.

That means that even without supporting them in PoR, Shinon will bonded to these two by default. Janaff is his only other support, so if they reach an A support and that data is carried over to RD, he now has his full list of supports bonded to him. Mind you, that's a liiittle bit of a big deal (and kinda cool to me!) as nobody else can do that (or almost nobody, since I'm not totally positive what Stefan and Volke's situations are and would have to check on that in my game, as the only other characters with an extremely low amount of supports).

So why do I say that's important? Because the only character he won't have by default as a bond is Janaff. You have to go out of your way to get their support bond (and when I say out of your way, I mean it pretty literally if you don't normally use one or both of them, due to how PoR's support system works). Janaff is the only character Shinon has to build up a bond with from scratch, which is something the player has to decide to do.

Gatrie and Rolf are the base - the bare minimum. It's given to you, no questions asked. Shinon doesn't have to develop as a person to have those bonds. When Janaff arrives in 3-7, if they were A supported in PoR (and your data was carried over), he and Shinon automatically have their bond show up in the bond list on each of their profiles as of the turn Janaff is on the map. This also means they can get a double A support, which is, again, something Shinon has very few options for.

Without Janaff, Shinon doesn't get that extremely direct development. In RD it's assumed all the characters had development of some sort (example, Shinon is much more chilled out and takes a much more active role in watching out for the GMs and making sure they're properly funded). However, with the way Shinon's development toward laguz went, you'd think something must have happened for him to change his mind.

However, it's an uncontestable fact that Ike stated everyone in the GMs decided to stay knowing full well they'd be fighting for the Laguz Alliance:

"I told the others they could leave if they didn’t want to work with laguz, but everybody decided they’d rather stay. Don’t worry about it, Ranulf."

If they didn't want to work with laguz (Shinon and Soren would be the primary candidates he brought this up for), they didn't have to go. They didn't have to take part. They didn't have to be there. Shinon decided to stay despite fully aware they would be the only beorc there. That's development already... but if he supported Janaff, it starts to make more sense and feels like a proper linear path for his development.

"But DCB, he was racist toward Lyre!" Sure! He's not perfect and there's still room for growth. In fact, Shinon started out calling her a sub-human but referred to her as a laguz when Gatrie was the only one left to hear him, so he either:

is trying to keep up appearances in front of laguz he doesn't like, using sub-human to their face but not using that term in private anymore (or to laguz he doesn't hate, i.e. Janaff in their A support where he catches himself about to use that term. Though he wasn't quite ready to say "laguz" yet, he stopped himself from using "you sub-humans" and instead said "you guys").

slipped up in using sub-human (from habit*) and called her a laguz when speaking to Gatrie because he's becoming more used to using that term regularly. That is to say, it's becoming more natural for him to say.

If you got his A support with Janaff, it makes sense that he slips up sometimes still but is trying to speak more properly about laguz. Getting out of old habits is hard. Feeling differently about something you've had a steady mindset for (in his case for 27 years as per his support with Janaff) is hard. There will be slip ups.

*It's possible Shinon uses "sub-human" as an insult aimed at individuals he doesn't like while not meaning it toward others (i.e. he doesn't like Kyza and Lyre). Yes, this is a big flaw! He could very well be using a racist term to express distaste toward someone specific but not mean it toward the whole of laguz. It's still racist and shouldn't be done, but the fact that he turned around and said "laguz" only a couple sentences later (if that) means that something is kicking in and some gears are turning.

Again, if you look at his A support with Janaff, he wasn't even at the point of using "laguz" at all! If you consider their A support part of his linear development, he starts as he is in PoR, supports Janaff and goes through their conversations while seeing laguz differently now, and ultimately ends at respecting Janaff. Despite this, he's not ready to use "laguz" yet because he experiences with laguz to date, prior to Janaff, had all been presumably negative enough for him to develop this racist mindset.

Linearly, that brings us to RD. He's suddenly fine staying with the GMs and fighting a war on behalf of the Laguz Alliance, even when he was directly given an out. Next, we have him refer to a laguz as a laguz - something he wasn't able to do yet in PoR.

Does the linear progression stop there? Not if you supported Janaff! Following those things, again, when Janaff arrives in 3-7, their bond will show up in their profiles. These bonds are separate from RD support bonds in that they're basically saying these characters were bonded before the events of RD and thus have special bonuses near each other, regardless of if you support them in RD.

So where does this lead us? Well, like in PoR, we start to lose focus on the GMs as a whole and only end up with focus on a few of them. Our next line of progression can only come from supports again. These are notable and extremely important if he's supported with a laguz.

If it's Janaff you support him with in RD, he gets one of his standard support quotes in battle. Maybe you're thinking that sounds unimpressive and unimportant... but this means he's responding to Janaff as someone he's familiar with and not treating differently from the others (which is not the case when responding to several others, which I'll get to). Normally you'd expect him to treat a laguz differently, but he speaks with Janaff like he would to any beorc.

It gives off an air of familiarity - like they already know each other, are passed all that nonsense and aren't even thinking about it anymore. This is, of course, the case regardless of if you supported them in PoR (but again, I find their PoR supports to be important in terms of a proper, full linear progression of Shinon's development, which is something not every character actually even gets, i.e. they don't get a fully fleshed out and ongoing development story between both games if they're not a main character).

It's almost like it's considering that you may have gotten their PoR supports. It has to leave it up in the air as to whether or not you did, because it'd be odd if he was suddenly treating Janaff like they weren't as familiar with each other after getting their PoR supports. In other words, by default, their relationship in RD is not as bad as it starts in PoR in their C support. It feels like they've already supported and are closer now to be at this point.

So why is it important that he acts no different with Janaff than anyone else? Because he does act different near laguz kings. He's given special, personalized lines to the laguz kings and refers to them sincerely as laguz. Important to note is that the laguz kings only become playable in part four (Tibarn and Naesala) and Endgame (Caineghis).

These are characters he would have absolutely no chance at having any development with in either game prior (even if you consider time spent in PoR, Tibarn and Naesala are not playable until the final chapter and you can only pick one of them. Caineghis, plain and simple, is not even an option). That means his supports with them are the very beginning of their relationship.

This is by part four. There's been development since part three in his character that we don't see. He's now openly referring to them as only "laguz" (remember, he was back and forth earlier in RD). He treats them with respect.

"But DCB, of course he does! They're kings! They're powerful!" But the Shinon we started out with in PoR wouldn't have cared less. To him back then a sub-human was a sub-human. Even as allies, he wouldn't have respected them (re: his C support with Janaff). Instead, here, in RD with these supports, he can talk with laguz directly, refer to them as such, and give them respect.

He also doesn't start out being intentionally racist toward them. He's at the point, by the time he can support the laguz kings, where he skips right past the active "sub-human" bullshit.

What do I mean by that? Well... I mean with Tibarn, he almost says sub-human but catches himself and doesn't just say "you guys" like he did with Janaff in their A support (which came before his C support with Tibarn if you consider his development linear and including Janaff). He corrects himself, and instead uses "a king" - similar to his "you guys" pull back, but outright referring to him as a king is actually a step above that (and again, this is their C support).

King Tibarn. It seems like a sub-hu– I mean–a king such as yourself can hold your own.

He's learning! He's growing! He's maturing! He's realizing he can get out of that mindset! All his experiences prior to PoR, based on his supports with Janaff, would imply he's only ever known that he has to protect himself against them. He never got to actually meet one. When he did, it was hard to pull himself out of old habits for new experiences. He was trying for Janaff, but he wasn't quite there yet. Here, he does something very similar.

With the other kings, he just outright refers to them as kings with no stumbles.

Hey, Lion King! Of anybody here, it seems like you’d be just fine.

Raven King, you seem all right. No need to be babied, I hope.

Mind you, the latter is pretty standard Shinon in personality. It's unrelated to Naesala being a laguz. However, both are these are completely respectful as a person talking to another person.

For his B supports we have:

I thought you were the all-conquering King Caineghis! And yet, you mess up. Bizarre. You better stay by me.

Hawk King, whew, even you mess up sometimes. Kinda makes me nervous. You better stay by me.

Raven King–your fighting? Not good. Just…stay by me and let me handle this.

Bizarre, he says, that one of the strongest people he knows is having trouble. He's actually surprised. No comment about how sub-humans suck or anything, not here!

Similarly, even Tibarn messes up sometimes. He's surprised. He expects basically perfectly from Tibarn (so this presumes he has positive expectations of him from what he knows of Tibarn).

Naesala's fighting isn't good? Well what does PoR Shinon care! Let him die! But that's not RD Shinon (and remember, these quotes could've been anything else considering he got specifically personalized quotes with these three, and personalized quotes for RD supports are somewhat few and tend to be for specific pairs).

Stay by me, he says! The same things he'll say to anyone! To any beorc and to any laguz. Again, personalized quotes did exist and they were there for certain pairs. Those pairs got special quotes specifically for their relationship). He didn't avoid saying "stay by me" just because they were laguz.

Mind you, his support quotes with these three are much more respectful than usual Shinon. He's very, uh, hilariously Shinon (there is a word for this, however at this time I cannot think of it 😔. I am not thinking of sarcastic, I am thinking of... something else. Granted, these lines are directed to Reyson and Rafiel, who technically can't fight... so I'll give him a break on that one) in most of his quotes, and some don't sound particularly respectful ("Prince ___, it’s really hard to watch you fight. Why don’t you stay by me and let me handle this?").

Now for the A supports (and BOY HOWDY I'M EATIN' GOOD HERE)...

You know, I’m not one for making friends and being nice. But, Caineghis, I gotta say, you are one bad laguz. In a good way! Hang in there.

I gotta admit… I didn’t like you when I first met you. But, Prince ___, I hope you make it through all this. I was wrong about you.

You know, I really don’t care who lives and who dies. But, Hawk King, for a laguz– hey, for anyone–you seem pretty decent. I hope you make it.

You know, I never thought I’d say this, but… King ___, I’m thinkin’ you should live. Don’t ask me why! Just a crazy notion. Maybe I like you?

Not one for making friends and being nice in general, with beorc, but he's befriending a laguz? Well now! What would PoR Shinon pre-Janaff say!

If you need me to explain the lines to Reyson and Rafiel to you, I have no hope for you at this point. If you can't read "I was wrong about you" and understand what that means, you might need to go back to school. In fact you definitely do.

For a laguz - no, scratch that because that doesn't fucking matter anymore - for anyone - you seem pretty decent (<-- this is the way Shinon talks to everyone).

Maybe he likes Naesala? Maybe they're friends? Maybe he just admitted he's fond of a laguz? Maybe he just said he likes a laguz??? Gosh jolly, early PoR Shinon is rolling in his grave!

So uhhh, what does this have to do with Janaff? Well, like I said, I feel like their supports slot perfectly into Shinon's development that's going to exist anyway. It's like the middle part of it that you get to see but also may miss out on. It's like jumping from PoR to RD and wondering what on earth happened in between to bring Shinon to that point... and if you consider his A support with Janaff, it makes sense that that's what happened. It fills that gap, and it also slots in perfectly with where he is in his development as a character between two games.

Timeline:

PoR start - Shinon hates laguz. He seems to hate them for reasons unknown. Greil dies; Shinon leaves. Chapter 18 is reached and Shinon is recruited back into the GMs. Despite that the GMs are now working with the Crimean army which has actively allied itself with the beast and bird tribes, Shinon whatevers his way through that fact and rejoins. He'll tolerate, he guesses. Fam is here.

Cue Janaff supports. New birb, who dis, except he's rude! Yes folks, it was Janaff who was rude first (his lines were also very Janaff... who is very like Shinon, so it makes sense that would get a negative reaction from Shinon even if he was a beorc). Shinon is set off and now thinks he was right to hate laguz. Look at this annoying birb face and his dumb lil hat!!! Better threaten to kill him just to be safe...

B support, they're having a conversation and learning from each other because Janaff came over to apologize. He knows he was in the wrong to nag at Shinon just for being an unfamiliar face. Shinon is still pissy though because it's a goddamn birb with a hat!!! Their conversation is a mix of ugh fuck this annoying guy to actually talking things out... and Shinon admitting why he hates laguz - because he's always needed to protect himself from "those half breeds". Sounds like his only experiences were very negative, so he ends up racist. Well, Janaff was also racist until very recently for similar reasons, and he used to think all beorc liked to kill. He, too, had misconceptions that bred a racist hatred. Now, though, with Shinon talking to him, he's realized he was wrong about beorc and is open to seeing things differently. Shinon backtracks, realizing he's having this conversation with the birb with a hat and wonders why.

A support, they talk more and it's getting better... and Janaff not only admits to relating to Shinon - which is a nice touch because they're two sides of the same coin who are both still very much learning about each other's races - and mind you Janaff was racist at 110 years old so he's been doing this shit for a while! It was because he talked with Shinon and learned more about beorc that, on top of what Ike did for Leanne, he's being more open minded now. Janaff, understanding where Shinon is coming from (ignorance and misconceptions), is much more polite and kind to him. Shinon, in response, backtracks when he almost uses the racist term "sub-human" so as not to offend Janaff, leaves off here respecting him and, when Janaff has to leave because the support is over, calls him back because he wants to hear more about the world from him because Janaff has lived for so much longer. Maybe the birb with the hat isn't so bad at all after all!!

From here the GMs fight with laguz allies until the end of PoR. Two or three years pass idk shit's inconsistent I guess, and we get to RD.

By this point Shinon has already been in an army that allied with and fought alongside laguz, and maybe that's tempered his feelings. When given an out from joining the other GMs in their aiding of the Laguz Alliance, and as the only beorc, he chooses to stay with the group.

At this point he's back and forth with "sub-human" and "laguz". There's definitely improvement, but old habits still get out sometimes. Still though, he's progressed from "you guys" to outright using "laguz".

The laguz kings join in the fight against Ashera. Shinon can support them, getting personalized quotes specifically for them (and for the herons). With Tibarn, he catches himself and corrects what he almost said - something he did once before with Janaff as per this linear timeline. That's the only instance left of a mistake in his wording. By now he's not using "sub-human" at all (B and A support with Tibarn or C-A with Caineghis or Naesala), or he's freely and without stumbling using "laguz" with no "you guys" esque backtrack.

This is obviously only one aspect of Shinon's development, i.e. the development of him growing out of racism similar to Janaff, and there are more aspects to him that did develop and grow throughout both games, but this post was specifically to highlight the importance of having Janaff there as part of his growth. Without it, it's like a blank, empty spot in his development where you don't know how it started happening and to such a degree (how did he go from outright using sub-human to using laguz at all? It feels like there had to be something in the middle of that growth, and without Janaff's supports it's just missing.

With them though, it's quite clear how he reasonably went from sub-human to "you guys" to laguz with some slip ups (ones that he corrects himself with if he actually respects the person, in this case Tibarn. He didn't bother correcting it with Lyre and Kyza because he didn't like them, which again, is still a flaw, but that was prior to his ability to support the laguz kings. It would be more reasonable to say he's starting to grow out of using "sub-human" just to specific people as an insult by this point.

Mans ain't perfect, but he's trying and he's working on it. Why is that without Janaff involved in his development? I 'unno, I guess he just had some random offscreen development between the games. With Janaff though? It actually works, fits and makes sense. It feels like that part of his development is meant to be there, as it compliments his development going forward.

that's it that's all i had to say bye now

[fruitgoat]

My Dad tested positive (again) this morning. He started feeling poorly yesterday and as he’s the kind of person who barely noticed a headache when he was having aural migraines bad enough to send him to ER, I scampered off the couch and out of the house pretty damn quick. Based on the timeline, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me - I’ve coughed and sneezed more since getting home from vacation but we were all sure it was just allergies and I’ve tested negative. We’re currently pretty sure the culprit is the 24 hours spent at his 55th (?) high school reunion over the weekend. My Mom has surrendered to the fact that she’s going to test positive by tomorrow. So I’m sitting here in The Annex dithering. 500 yards away and now banned from entering my parents’ house.

(And I’m mad because the embossing power is not adhering correctly so I trashed at least a half dozen cards and that means I have to redesign my Rosh Hashanah cards and now they’re probably going to arrive late. But that’s a completely different issue.)

[thedreadvampy]

hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????

(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)

[28whitepeonies]

Hi Bea, hope it's okay to ask this, why do some people don't like Louis drinking too much? I mean he isn't that much of an alcoholic, is it because of the recent Jojo interview? I'm just really curious why people are angry at Louis on his vices, hope you dont see me as a rude anon, I'm just very curious and you have great commentary so 🥺💐 pleaseee.

Hi friend

This is a big question that I am going to try to summarise my thoughts on.

I think the first thing is that in part this is much broader than just Louis but how a lot of people within fandom see the world, the role Louis (& Harry/Zayn/Liam - I see it less with Niall, though it may just be I don't see it) plays in their life and their desire to exert control over behaviour. That doesn't just apply to alcohol, you see it with smoking, weed, drug use, their relationships, family and friendships.

Louis has spoken about drinking in a range of situations and he has talked that about that as something he enjoys socially, and that sometimes he has a drink before/during a show because the ritual of it calms his nerves. I think Louis (and the others) have had plenty of experience with alcohol and drug use, and they've probably all used alcohol and drugs at times when that maybe hasn't been helpful for them. But all of that, every single decision they make, every single drink they have or line they snort or joint they smoke is not for fans to pass judgement on.

The other thing fans need to understand is how accessible drugs and alcohol are. In the UK as an average person, weed, coke and ket in particular are as accessible as vodka red bull. They're a pretty big part of pub/club/festival culture and tbh life. I think you would struggle harder to find someone in the UK who hasn't tried, or had a period where they used one of those with some regularity, than someone who hasn't. Now if seventeen year old me, working part time in Tesco in 2011 could access those like I could find an irn bru in Glasgow, then you have to amplify that by one thousand for nineteen year old Louis in this massive boyband and in the music industry. that is as true today as it was then. Alcohol and drug use is such a part of touring and music industry that you cannot de-link those, it is an incredibly stressful industry. On top of that, alcohol and drug use is more likely to turn into addiction where they are already dealing with trauma or mental health or any other vulnerabilities.

What I also want to be clear about is that I don't think we have enough to know if he has personally experienced addiction (though Louis has undoubtedly had experience of addiction with those around him both personally and professionally). I've not seen enough to suggest either way and I think it is daft to think we know enough to make that call, or that we should.

My biggest issue is, and will always be, that the approach fandom takes to alcohol and drug use, helps no-one. All it does is pass judgement which adds to existing stigma and shame, this idea that drinking or drug use is some horrible harmful choice leads to people feeling isolated, and that isolation deprives people of access to resources - how do fans think that this approach would support anyone? As usual though, my biggest concern is the other people who absorb this from fans and then internalise it and/or send it back out into the world.

So why do I think fans react this way? I think fans are projecting, I think fans would like to be able to control Louis' life and when they disagree with the way in which Louis is navigating his own life they use this 'concern' over his health or choices in a manner that is manipulative and shaming.

[larkiethings]

I was writing this in the tags but I want to include sources. I’m gonna tell you why drugs don’t go generic right away, and I want you to know that I don’t agree with the reasoning here, but this is how the system works.

New drugs are priced so much to recoup some of the losses of research. Drug research is insanely expensive. Whether you’re talking about buffers and reagents in the lab, machines designed to give scientists highly specific information, or required animal research, it’s EXPENSIVE. I tried to pull up an example for a standard microscope but companies that make lab equipment don’t have prices on their website, you have to fill out a form to request a quote.

So, lab equipment is expensive. You also have to go through rounds of animal testing. One lab mouse can cost hundreds of dollars, depending on how it has been genetically designed to give the best research results. And spoiler alert, you need repeat results, meaning multiple mice, and then larger lab animals because humans aren’t mice and we need to be sure drugs are safe before testing them on humans. Raising and caring for lab animals also takes lots of highly trained staff, which adds to the expense. This is partially why a lot of scientists in animal research are pushing for alternative research methods, because it is more humane and more cost effective to reduce our reliance on animal models.

So it’s expensive to do research, and then you get into patent law. Drugs get 20 years of patents, although that’s from when the patent was filed - which is often BEFORE the drug hits the market. You can patent a drug and then still have several more years of development. So in practice, drugs are often on the market for less than their patent time. From the drug company’s perspective, they need to recoup their losses in that amount of time, and the high price of the name brand drug is funding the ongoing research of the next drug.

Generic drugs don’t have to go through animal or clinical trials, so companies making generic drugs ONLY have to consider the manufacturing cost when pricing their drugs. This is why they’re so much cheaper, because all they have to prove is that their drug is the same as the patented one.

Lenacapavir is STILL IN CLINICAL TRIALS, according to the source linked above. It hasn’t been approved for prevention. I believe it will probably be approved, but the point is that it’s a very new drug and still within its patent range. I’m not entirely sure when the patent was filed, but the fact is that it will have a generic eventually. Just not right now. But the reasoning for drugs being so expensive is that they’re factoring in the cost of research, not just the cost of production. I don’t like it! It’s a bad system! But that’s why it is the way it is

Source

[boreal-sea]

Look.

I have made you a chart. A very simple chart.

People say "You have to draw the line somewhere, and Biden has crossed it-" and my response is "Trump has crossed way more lines than Biden".

These categories are based off of actual policy enacted by both of these men while they were in office.

If the ONLY LINE YOU CARE ABOUT is line 12, you have an incredible amount of privilege, AND YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT PALESTINIANS. You obviously have nothing to fear from a Trump presidency, and you do not give a fuck if a ceasefire actually occurs. You are obviously fine if your queer, disabled, and marginalized loved ones are hurt. You clearly don't care about the status of American democracy, which Trump has openly stated he plans to destroy on day 1 he is in office.

EDIT:

Ok fine, I spent 3 hours compiling sources for all of these, you can find that below the cut.

I'll give at least one link per subject area. There are of course many more sources to be read on these subject areas and no post could possibly give someone a full education on these subjects.

Biden and trans rights: https://www.hrc.org/resources/president-bidens-pro-lgbtq-timeline

Trump and trans rights: https://www.aclu.org/news/lgbtq-rights/trump-on-lgbtq-rights-rolling-back-protections-and-criminalizing-gender-nonconformity

The two sources above show how Biden has done a lot of work to promote trans rights, and how Trump did a lot of work to hurt trans rights.

Biden on abortion access: https://www.cnn.com/2022/07/08/politics/what-is-in-biden-abortion-executive-order/index.html

Trump on abortion access: https://apnews.com/article/abortion-trump-republican-presidential-election-2024-585faf025a1416d13d2fbc23da8d8637

Biden openly supports access to abortion and has taken steps to protect those rights at a federal level even after Roe v Wade was overturned. Trump, on the other hand, was the man who appointed the judges who helped overturn Roe v Wade and he openly brags about how proud he is of that decision. He also states that he believes individual states should have the final say in whether or not abortion is legal, and that he trusts them to "do the right thing", meaning he supports stronger abortion bans.

Biden on environmental reform: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/10/07/fact-sheet-president-biden-restores-protections-for-three-national-monuments-and-renews-american-leadership-to-steward-lands-waters-and-cultural-resources/

Trump on environmental reform: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/climate/trump-environment-rollbacks-list.html

Biden has made major steps forward for environmental reform. He has restored protections that Trump rolled back. He has enacted many executive orders and more to promote environmental protections, including rejoining the Paris Accords, which Trump withdrew the USA from. Trump is also well known for spreading conspiracy theories and lies about global climate change, calling it a "Chinese hoax".

Biden on healthcare and prescription reform: https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/06/09/biden-administration-announces-savings-43-prescription-drugs-part-cost-saving-measures-president-bidens-inflation-reduction-act.html

Trump on healthcare reform: https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/07/politics/obamacare-health-insurance-ending-trump/index.html

I'm rolling healthcare and prescriptions and vaccines and public health all into one category here since they are related. Biden has lowered drug costs, expanded access to medicaid, and ACA enrollment has risen during his presidency. He has also made it so medical debt no longer applies to a person's credit score. He signed many executive orders during his first few weeks in office in order to get a handle on Trump's grievous mishandling of the COVID pandemic. Trump also wants to end the ACA. Trump is well known for refusing to wear a mask during the pandemic, encouraging the use of hydroxylchloroquine to "treat" COVID, and being openly anti-vaxx.

Biden on student loan forgiveness: https://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/biden-harris-administration-announces-additional-77-billion-approved-student-debt-relief-160000-borrowers

Trump on student loan forgiveness: https://www.forbes.com/sites/adamminsky/2024/06/20/trump-knocks-bidens-vile-student-loan-forgiveness-plans-suggests-reversal/

Trump wants to reverse the student loan forgiveness plans Biden has enacted. Biden has already forgiven billions of dollars in loans and continues to work towards forgiving more.

Infrastructure funding:

I'm putting these links next together because they are all about infrastructure.

In general, Trump's "achievements" for infrastructure were to destroy environmental protections to speed up projects. Many of his plans were ineffective due to the fact that he did not clearly outline where the money was going to come from, and he was unwilling to raise taxes to pay for the projects. He was unable (and unwilling) to pass a bipartisan infrastructure bill during his 4 years in office. He did sign a few disaster relief bills. He did not enthusiastically promote renewable energy infrastructure. He created "Infrastructure Weeks" that the federal government then failed to fund. Trump did not do nothing for infrastructure, but his no-tax stance and his dislike for renewable energy means the contributions he made to American infrastructure were not as much as he claimed they were, nor as much as they could have been. Basically, he made a lot of promises, and delivered on very few of them. He is not "against" infrastructure, but he's certainly against funding it.

Biden was able to pass that bipartisan bill after taking office. The Bipartisan Infrastructure Plan that Trump tried to prevent from passing during Biden's term contains concrete funding sources and step by step plans to rebuild America's infrastructure. If you want to read the plan, you can find it here: https://www.whitehouse.gov/build/guidebook/. Biden has done far more for American infrastructure than Trump did, most notably by actually getting the bipartisan bill through congress.

Biden on Racial Equity: https://www.npr.org/sections/president-biden-takes-office/2021/01/26/960725707/biden-aims-to-advance-racial-equity-with-executive-actions

Trump on Racial Equity: https://www.axios.com/2024/04/01/trump-reverse-racism-civil-rights https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-37230916

Trump's racist policies are loud and clear for everyone to hear. We all heard him call Mexicans "Drug dealers, criminals, rapists". We all watched as he enacted travel bans on people from majority-Muslim nations. Biden, on the other hand, has done quite a lot during his term to attempt to reconcile racism in this country, including reversing Trump's "Muslim ban" the first day he was in office.

Biden on DEI: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2021/06/25/executive-order-on-diversity-equity-inclusion-and-accessibility-in-the-federal-workforce/

Trump on DEI: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-tried-to-crush-the-dei-revolution-heres-how-he-might-finish-the-job/ar-BB1jg3gz

Biden supports DEI and has signed executive orders and passed laws that support DEI on the federal level. Trump absolutely hates DEI and wants to eradicate it.

Biden on criminal justice reform: https://time.com/6155084/biden-criminal-justice-reform/

Trump on criminal justice reform: https://www.vox.com/2020-presidential-election/21418911/donald-trump-crime-criminal-justice-policy-record https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/05/trumps-extreme-plans-crime/678502/

From pardons for non-violent marijuana convictions to reducing the federal government's reliance on private prisons, Biden has done a lot in four years to reform our criminal justice system on the federal level. Meanwhile, Trump has described himself as "tough on crime". He advocates for more policing, including "stop and frisk" activities. Ironically it's actually quite difficult to find sources about what Trump thinks about crime, because almost all of the search results are about his own crimes.

Biden on military support for Israel: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/biden-obama-divide-closely-support-israel-rcna127107

Trump on military support for Israel: https://www.vox.com/politics/353037/trump-gaza-israel-protests-biden-election-2024

Biden supports Israel financially and militarily and promotes holding Israel close. So did Trump. Trump was also very pro-Israel during his time in office and even moved the embassy to Jerusalem and declared Jerusalem the capitol of Israel, a move that inflamed attitudes in the region.

Biden on a ceasefire: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2024/06/05/gaza-israel-hamas-cease-fire-plan-biden/73967659007/

Trump on a ceasefire: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-israel-gaza-finish-problem-rcna141905

Trump has tried to be quiet on the issue but recently said he wants Israel to "finish the problem". He of course claims he could have prevented the whole problem. Trump also openly stated after Oct 7th that he would bar immigrants who support Hamas from the country and send in officers to American protests to arrest anyone supporting Hamas.

Biden meanwhile has been quietly urging Netanyahu to accept a ceasefire deal for months, including the most recent announcement earlier in June, though it seems as though that deal has finally fallen through as well.

[meanderingstream]

Summary of the achievements by week. More info can be found in each week’s post and by following the links there. 

(when it says $ was announced for a project, that is the relevant agency’s plan to distribute that money in a program- the agencies are of course funded by Congress and do not just decide unilaterally how to spend taxes)

Week 1

Limit bank overdraft fees proposal- 

effective October 2025 if approved

Fine oil/gas companies for emitting methane proposal

Fully effective 2026 if approved 

$104 million in grants to support clean energy projects

$5 billion student loans canceled for income driven repayment and public service loan forgiveness plans

Launched program to fight lead exposure in developing countries

Deal reached to revive the expanded child tax credit projected to lift 400,000 kids out of poverty in first year

Week 2

Paused all new natural gas export facilities 

$5 billion for infrastructure projects like fixing bridges, interstates, and offshore wind terminals.

New guidance requires insurance companies to cover contraceptive medicine under Affordable Care Act

Medicaid, Medicare, CHIP, and Federal Employee Health Benefits Program also must cover it

Federal agencies reported on progress implementing the order to protect medication abortion signed 1 year ago

Expanded child tax credit deal made it out of committee in The House

Senate foreign relations committee passed a bill to distribute $5 billion in seized Russian assets to Ukraine

Senate passed Train More Nurses Act

3 more Biden judges confirmed

Week 3

House overwhelmingly passed expanded child tax credit deal

Began negotiations on drug prices for Medicare

$240 million to modernize/refurbish airports across the country

Announced the 10 sites across US that will receive innovation investment for clean energy, sustainable textiles, semiconductor manufacturing, etc

State dept. reviews options for recognizing Palestinian statehood

Imposed sanctions on Israeli settlers who have engaged in violence against Palestinians and peace activists 

Loan to help reopen a Michigan nuclear power plant as part of goal to decarbonize the electric grid

IRS launched program to let people file taxes for free with them instead of paying for programs like TurboTax 

$28 million in grants for help with treatment of substance use disorders.

$72 million for 46 hydroelectric projects

Senate confirmed Biden's 175th federal judge. 

For first time in history a majority of a president’s nominees are not white men

Week 4

Announcement that 23 million Americans have been connected to high speed internet through the Affordable Connectivity Program. Sadly, the program will be forced to end if Republicans in Congress continue to block new funding

$5 billion for a National Semiconductor Technology Center

Finalized rules that will strengthen air quality standards around soot. Projected to prevent 4,200 premature deaths and save Americans $46 billion in health costs

$1.5 Billion investment in America's bus systems

Memorandum directing a strengthening of human rights safeguards around weapons transferred from US stockpiles to allied nations

Announced joint program to streamline Gov response to homelessness between HHS, HUD, 8 states and DC

Released study projecting Puerto Rico will be able to be 100% renewable energy by 2050

Low income Puerto Ricans will soon be able to apply for a solar power program, the first investments in a billion dollar DoE program for the island's renewable energy future

$417 million dollar loan to the North Carolina Turnpike Authority to complete a major transportation overhaul in the greater Raleigh area

Announced plan to invest federal funds to help measure and reduce methane emissions from the oil and gas production

Senate confirmed 2 more Biden nominated federal judges

Week 5

Released first draft for a new student loan forgiveness plan that will hopefully hold up in court

1.2 Billion Dollars to combat human trafficking, including $175 million in housing assistance to human trafficking victims

$970 Million for improvements at 114 airports across 44 states and 3 territories

Medicare & Medicaid released new guidelines to allow people to pay out of pocket prescription drug costs in monthly installments rather than as a lump sum

Added 150 more communities to EPA’s Closing America's Wastewater Access Gap Community Initiative to ensure people have basic running water and indoor plumbing

Announced deferred action for Palestinians in the US. This means any Palestinian living in the United States, no matter their legal status, can not be deported for any reason for the next 18 months

This will need to be renewed next year. A Harris administration almost certainly will. A Trump administration likely won’t.

$60 million in investment into clean geothermal energy

$83 million to help improve air quality monitoring across America

$63 million in investments in domestic heat-pump water-heater manufacturing. Which  reduce greenhouse gasses by 50% over the most efficient condensing gas boilers\

$5.1 million to organizations working on preventing homelessness, fighting depression and suicide, drug use and HIV prevention and treatment, family counseling, etc for LGBTQI+ Youth and their Families

In support of the oppressed Uyghur minority in China, the House passed 2 bill that would prohibit US Gov from spending money on projects that source materials from Xinjiang and create a permanent post at the State Dept. to coordinate policy on Uyghur Issues

Week 6

$5.8 billion in funding upgrade America's water systems

Canceled $1.2 billion in student loan debt for 153,000 borrowers through the SAVE Plan which erases federal student loan balances for those who originally borrowed $12,000 or less and have been making payments for at least 10 years

$100 million in federal funding for women’s health research

500 new sanctions against Russian targets in response to the murder of Russian dissident Alexei Navalny

$700 Million in new investments to benefit people in rural America for high speed internet, clean drinking water, sanitary wastewater, and more

$1.5 billion in upgrades to expand chip factories to boost American semiconductor manufacturing

$1.25 billion in  funding for local projects that improve roadway safety

The 2022 Safe Streets and Roads for All program has spent $1.7 billion in 1,000 communities impacting 70% of America's population

$19 million to help New Jersey buy electric school buses

Bonus: NASA landed spacecraft, Odysseus, on the moon, the 1st time in 50 years America has gone to the moon.

Week 7

$1.7 Billion in new commitments from local governments, health care systems, charities, business and nonprofits towards ending hunger in America

The White House Challenge to End Hunger and Build Healthy Communities has also led to the USDA’s program which feeds children over the summer in 37 partnering states

House passed a bill on Nuclear energy expanding the Nuclear Regulatory Commission

Capping copays that families pay to no more than 7% of income for the CCDBG grants for childcare and streamlining payments to childcare providers, ensuring prompt payment

House passed a bill improving the Small Business Administration’s 8(a) program which offers wide ranging training and support to small business owners who are socially and economically disadvantaged, predominantly native owned businesses

Announced steps to boost housing supply and lower home costs through a program which has created 12,000 affordable housing units since 2021 with $2 billion, and a program which has spent $4.35 billion since 2021 to build affordable rental homes and make home ownership a reality for Americans.

Also funding for manufactured housing, the first administration to do so

$336 million in investments in rural, remote, and tribal communities to lower energy costs and improve reliability

Proposed new rules to ensure airline passengers who use wheelchairs can travel safely and with dignity

$3 Billion dollar program to help ports become zero-emission

$1 Billion dollars to help clean up toxic Superfund sites

Bonus: Sweden cleared the final major barrier to become NATO's 32nd member

Week 8

Finalized a rule capping credit card late fees at $8

Announced a new Strike Force on Unfair and Illegal Pricing (especially targeting shrinkflation) 

Proposed a new rule banning bulk billing, where in landlords charge tenants of apartment buildings for internet, cable, or satellite services, even if they do not use it or opt into being billed

Announced actions that have prevented the collapse of the Colorado River system which provides drinking water and electricity for 40 million Americans in the Southwest. 

Executive Order to expand apprenticeships and reestablish direct communication between unions and management in federal agencies (a program allowed to lapse under Trump)

Actions to lower price of health care

Medicare negotiating prices for 10 drugs, first time in history they are allowed to negotiate prices

Proposal that medicare should be able to negotiate 50 such drug prices a year

Medicare Part-D capped the yearly price of ALL medications at $2,000

The President wants to expand this cap to all Americans

President called on congress to make permanent the tax credits for insurance premiums that saved Americans an average of $800/year 

President called for $12 billion in Women's Health Research to help close the historic research gap

President called for surprise billing protections to apply to ambulance providers, meaning people won't have to worry about an outrageous bill for an ambulance ride

Announced the first over-the-counter birth control pill will be available on pharmacy and store shelves nationwide and online later this month, and major pharmacies CVS and Walgreens will now offer the abortion pill Mifepristone

In the State of the Union, Biden called for a ceasefire in Gaza to release the hostages and bring in wide-ranging humanitarian aid.

Added over 100,000 more additional households to rental assistance

Called on Congress to expand it by more than half a million and to pass a bill giving $25,000 in down payment assistance to first-generation homebuyers

President wants to expand the Affordable Housing Program and the Low-Income Housing Tax Credit. Also seeks tax credits for 1st time buyers and those selling their starter homes at under market value to owner-occupant

Bonus: March 7th 2024, Sweden formally joined NATO

Week 9

IRS launched direct file pilot program

Biden expressed support for trans and non-binary youth in the aftermath of the suicide of Nex Benedict, and Dept. of Ed.’s Office of Civil Rights opened an investigation into his school district

Vice President Kamala Harris became the first sitting Vice-President (or President) to visit an abortion provider as part of her Reproductive Rights Tour

$3.3 billion worth of infrastructure projects across 40 states designed to reconnect communities divided by transportation infrastructure

Taking steps to eliminate junk fees for college students, plan to ban schools from automatically billing for textbooks and pocketing leftover money on student meal plans

$120 million in investments to help boost Climate Resilience in Tribal Communities

$750 million dollars in investment in clean hydrogen power

$2.3 billion loan to build a lithium processing plant in Nevada (a key component in rechargeable batteries used it electric vehicles)

$1.2 billion in funds to reduce pollution in public transportation

Geothermal Energy Optimization Act introduced in the Senate, which would help expand geothermal projects on public lands.

The Justice for Breonna Taylor Act was introduced in the Senate banning No Knock Warrants nationwide

Bill was introduced in the House requiring the US Postal Service to cover the costs of any late fees on bills that USPS failed to deliver on time

Senate Confirmed 3 more Biden nominees to be lifetime federal judges: Jasmine Yoon the first Asian-America federal judge in Virginia, Sunil Harjani in Illinois, and Melissa DuBose the first LGBTQ and first person of color to serve as a federal judge in Rhode Island. Brings total # of Biden judges to 185

Week 10

Announced new emission standards with the goal of having more than half of new cars and light trucks sold in the US be low/zero emission by 2032

Canceled nearly $6 Billion dollars in student loan debt for 78,000 borrowers who work in public sector jobs like teachers, nurses, social workers, firefighters, etc

Under Pressure from the administration and Democrats in Congress, Drugmaker AstraZeneca joins rival Boehringer Ingelheim in capping the price of inhalers at $35, the same price the Biden Admin capped the price of insulin for seniors

The Dept. of Justice sued Apple for being an illegal monopoly in smartphones

EPA passed a rule banning the final type of asbestos still used in the United States

$8.5 billion to help build advanced computer chips in America

Executive Order prioritizing research into women's health and directing $200 million into it

Democratic Senators introduced the "Shrinkflation Prevention Act" 

$45 million in projects that improve Bicyclist and Pedestrian Connectivity and Safety

$77 Million to put 180 electric school buses onto the streets of New York City

Senate confirmed Nicole Berner to Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals, along with Edward Kiel and Eumi Lee as district judges, bringing Biden’s federal judge appointments to 188

Week 11

The Administration responded to the collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, promising to clear the harbor and rebuild the bride. $60 million in emergency funds are already released, and Biden is expected to seek $1 billion from Congress

VP Harris announced $1 billion dollars in new investments as part of the Central America Forward partnership to improve conditions in Central America so people there are not so desperate to trust human traffickers to reach the US. Also announced $175 million dollars of direct aid to Guatemala

Announced $1.5 billion dollar loan to help restart the Palisades Nuclear Plant in Michigan

Social media push to inform the public about the Saving on a Valuable Education (SAVE) Plan under which anyone making $16 an hour or less has a monthly payment of $0 on their student loans. Republicans are suing to try to shut down the SAVE Plan

Biden extended the window for low-income Americans to apply for Obamacare, rolled back Trump era rules that allowed subsidies for "Junk Health insurance" which offer very little coverage, often mislead consumers about what’s covered, and don't have to follow Obamacare standards so can refuse to cover preexisting conditions.

Announced new regulations aimed at "turbocharging" the number of electric trucks on the road

Thanks to the Inflation Reduction Act, 41 different drugs will cost Medicare enrollees less than last year, announced the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services

$6 billion for an effort to decarbonize energy-intensive industries

Executive Order to Strengthen the Recognition of Women’s History

Senate confirmed 3 federal judge nominees, total Biden appointees now 190

Week 12

Biden united with Bernie Sanders at the White House to review Democratic efforts to bring down drug prices.

In the wake of the Francis Scott Key Bridge disaster, the federal government has released $60 million in emergency money toward rebuilding so far,and the Administration is working with business and labor unions to keep workers at work and cover lost wages.

$20 billion to help finance tens of thousands of climate and clean energy projects across the country like clean power generation/storage, 0-emission transportation, etc. 70% will be invested in low-income and disadvantaged communities

$20.5 billion in investments in public transportation

$4 billion in tax credits for businesses investing in clean energy, critical materials recycling, and Industrial decarbonization

$1.5 Billion in investments in climate-smart agriculture

Approved the New England Wind offshore wind project- the 8th such offshore wind project approved by the Biden administration

Dept. of interior announced:

$320 Million for tribal water infrastructure

$244 million to deal with legacy pollution from mining in the State of Pennsylvania

$25 million to protect wetlands in Arizona

$19 million to put solar panels over irrigation canals in California, Oregon and Utah

Dept. of Energy announced $27 million for 40 projects by state, local and tribal governments to combat climate change

Week 13

A further 277,000 Americans had student loan debt canceled through the SAVE plan, bringing Biden’s total to 4.3 million people seeing $153 billion of debt canceled so far

Biden announced a plan that would relieve debt for 30 million Americans through steps like automatically canceling debt for eligible public servants instead of them needing to apply.

Announced rules closing gun-show loophole so that all gun sales legally require background checks, even for gun shows or private sales online

EPA published the first ever regulations on PFAS, known as forever chemicals, in drinking water.

Dept. of Commerce announced a deal with microchip giant TSMC to bring billions in investment and manufacturing to Arizona

EPA finalized rules strengthening clean air standards around chemical plants

Dept. of the Interior announced it had beaten the Biden Administration goals when it comes to new clean energy projects

$830 million to support local communities in becoming more climate resilient.

Senate confirmed 3 federal judge nominees, total Biden appointees now 193

Week 14

Dept. of Commerce announced a deal with Samsung to help bring advanced semiconductor manufacturing and research and development to Texas

Dept. of Energy announced it granted New York State $158 million to help support people making their homes more energy efficient

Dept. of Education began the formal process to make President Biden's new Student Loan Debt relief plan a reality

$1 billion dollar collaboration with USAID to buy American grown foods to combat global hunger

food aid will help feed people in Bangladesh, Burkina Faso, Burundi, Chad, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Djibouti, Ethiopia, Haiti, Kenya, Madagascar, Mali, Nigeria, Rwanda, South Sudan, Sudan, Tanzania, Uganda, and Yemen

Dept. of Interior announced expansion of four national wildlife refuges to protect 1.13 million acres of wildlife habitat and signed an order protecting parts of the Placitas area sacred to the Pueblo people

announced new workplace safety regulations about the safe amount of silica dust mine workers can be exposed to.

Administration announced its progress in closing the racial wealth gap in America. 

Black Unemployment is the lowest it's ever been since it started being tracked in the 1970s and the gap between white and black unemployment is the smallest it's ever been as well

Black wealth is up 60% over where it was in 2019

The share of black owned businesses doubled between 2019 and 2022 and new black businesses are being created at the fastest rate in 30 years

Since the creation of the Interagency Task Force to combat unfair house appraisals, the likelihood of black homeowners having their homes undervalued compared to whites who own comparable property has dropped by 40% and even disappeared in some states

2023 represented a record breaking $76.2 billion in federal contracts going to small businesses owned by members of minority communities. This was 12% of federal contracts and the President aims to make it 15% for 2025

EPA announced it plans to add PFAS, known as forever chemicals, to the Superfund law

Week 15

Biden with AOC, Bernie Sanders, and Senator Ed Markey announced a program, Solar For All, providing $7 billion aimed at supporting low income households install solar power

New rule raises income cap for required overtime. Before, employers only had to pay overtime to employees earning less than $35,568 a year. Now, the limit is $43,888, and in January 2025 it will be raised again to $58,656

$1 billion dollar program to help replace heavily duty vehicles with clean energy versions

To protect 13 million acres of Alaska wildland and secure the livelihood of Alaska native peoples who rely on it, the administration refused oil and mining rights as well as a 210 mile road across vast areas of northern wilderness

Finalized rules requiring airlines to give automatic cash refunds for canceled flights and other inconveniences

Finalized rules on emissions standards for fuel burning power plants

Security of Transportation Pete Buttigieg attended the ground breaking of a new high speed rail project to connect Los Angeles and Las Vegas, which the administration announced $3 billion to support last year

FCC announced a new rule restoring Net Neutrality

FTC passed finalized regulations to ban non-compete agreements in nearly all cases

$1 billion project to connect tribal communities to safe drinking water

announced plans to protect, restore and reconnect 8 million acres of wetlands and 100,000 miles of rivers and streams

Dept. of Health and Human Services announced a new rule boosting privacy protection for abortions

Harris announced a new rule requiring staffing standards at Nursing Homes across the country

$6 billion deal with tech giant Micron to bring high tech manufacturing to New York

Dept. of Education finalized the most comprehensive federal protections for Trans and other Queer students in the nation's history

Week 16

$3 billion to help replace lead pipes in the drinking water system

Biden canceled the student debt of 317,000 former students of a fraudulent for-profit college system

Biden expanded two California national monuments protecting thousands of acres of land

announced new rules that will require car manufacturers to install automatic braking systems in new cars

IRS announced plans to ramp up audits on the wealthiest Americans

Dept. of Interior announced plans for new offshore wind power

Biden Administration announced new rules to finally allow DACA recipients to be covered by Obamacare

Dept. of Health and Human Services finalized rules that require LGBTQ+ and Intersex minors in the foster care system to be placed in supportive and affirming homes.

Senate confirmed another federal judge lifetime appointment, total Biden appointees now 194. For the first time in history the majority of a President's nominees to the federal bench have not been white men

Week 17

Harris announced 5.5 billion dollars to build affordable housing and address homelessness

At the 3rd meeting of the Los Angeles Declaration group (a partnership between the US and 20 other nations in the Americas), Security of State Blinken announced $578 million in new humanitarian aid to Latin America

Dept. of Energy lead an effort to get the G7 to agree to phase out coal by the early 2030s

Biden announced a major investment deal in Racine, Wisconsin, site of the failed Trump Foxconn deal which promised $13,000 jobs that never materialized, and bulldozed over 100 homes and farms before pulling out of the deal. Biden’s deal with Microsoft will bring in 2,000 new jobs to help replace the 1,000 lost jobs during Trump’s presidency

200 tribal governments and the US territories of American Samoa, the Northern Mariana Islands, Guam, and the U.S. Virgin Islands, published climate action plans paid for by the administration’s Pollution Reduction Grants program

As part of marking Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), the administration announced several actions as part of their National Strategy To Counter Antisemitism, the first ever national strategy addressing the issue by any administration

USAID announced $220 million in additional humanitarian aid to Yemen

$150 million to help communities fight drought supporting 42 projects across 10 western states

Week 18

Justice Dept. endorses lifting many restrictions on marijuana

Dept. of Interior announced moratorium on new coal mining in America's largest coal producing region, the Powder River Basin in Wyoming and Montana (40% of US coal production)

Harris announced that the administration had broken records by investing $16 billion in Historically Black Colleges and Universities

$30 billion dollars in renewal funding for the Housing Choice Voucher Program

$671.4 million in investments in rural infrastructure to improve electric and safe water utilities in 47 projects across 23 states

HUD announced a record breaking $1.1 billion dollar investment in Tribal housing and community development

$2 billion in investments in America's busiest passenger rail route, the Northeast Corridor between Washington DC and Boston

HUD announced plans to streamline its HOME program to speed up building affordable new homes

$520 million in new water projects to help protect against drought in the western states

Dept.s of Agriculture and HHS have stepped up efforts to wipe out the H5N1 virus prevent its spread to humans while protecting farmers livelihoods

Senate confirmed another 3 federal judge lifetime appointments, total Biden appointees now 197

Bonus: The 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that transgender health insurance exclusions were illegal

Week 19

Biden wiped out the student loan debt of 160,000 more Americans, 

After the supreme court struck down Biden’s original broader forgiveness plan, the administration has patchworked different plans together to cancel $167 billion for 4.75 million Americans so far

Dept. of Justice announced it is suing Ticketmaster for being a monopoly

EPA announced $225 million in new funding to improve drinking and wastewater for tribal communities

Will help with testing for forever chemicals, and replacing of lead pipes as well as sustainability projects

$300 million in grants to clean up former industrial sites known as "Brownfield" sites, which will be cleaned and redeveloped into community assets for 200 projects across 178 communities

Announced a historic expansion of the program to feed low income kids over the summer holidays- rolling out SUN Bucks, a $120 per child grocery benefit

Harris builds on her work in Africa to announce a plan to give 80% of Africa internet access by 2030, up from just 40% today

Senate confirmed another 4 federal judge lifetime appointments, total Biden appointees now 201

Biden's Judges have been historically diverse. 64% of them are women and 62% of them are people of color.

Week 20

$900 million to school districts across the country to replace diesel fueled school buses with cleaner alternatives

For the first time the federal government released guidelines for Voluntary Carbon Markets- a system by which companies offset their carbon emissions by funding project to fight climate change like investing in wind or solar power

IRS announced it'll take its direct file program nationwide in 2025 to allow people to file for free through the IRS website instead of paying for programs like TurboTax

White House announced steps to boost nuclear energy in America- the single largest green energy source in the country accounting for 19% of America's total energy. This is a key part of the administration's strategy to reach a carbon free electricity sector by 2035

$824 million in new funding to protect livestock health and combat H5N1 virus to both protect the animals and make sure it doesn't spread to the human population and become another pandemic situation

announced a partnership with 21 states to help supercharge America's aging energy grid

$343 million to update 8 of America's oldest and busiest transportation stations for disability accessibility

$179 million for drought resilience projects in California and Utah and $242 million for expanding water access in California, Colorado and Washington

$150 million for affordable housing for tribal communities

Secretary of State pledged $135 million to help Moldavia, a tiny state bordering Ukraine which has long been dependent on Russian energy, but thanks to US investment is breaking away from Russia and moving forward with EU membership

US and Guatemala launched the "Youth With Purpose” initiative as part of the administration’s efforts to improve life in Central America. The initiative will train 25,000 young Guatemalans and connect them with with service projects throughout the country

Bonus: This week, May 31st 2024, was the last day of the Affordable Connectivity Program which helped 23 million Americans connect to the internet. Despite repeated calls from President Biden Republicans in Congress have refused to act to renew the program

The Biden Administration has invested $90 Billion high-speed internet investments. Such as $42.45 billion for Broadband Equity, Access, and Deployment, $1 billion for the The Middle Mile program laying 12,000 miles of regional fiber networks, and distributed nearly 30,000 connected devices to students and communities, including more than 3,600 through the Tribal Broadband Connectivity Program

Week 21

$480 million in safety grants to all 50 states, DC, and all the US territories as part of Biden's goal to bring the number of traffic deaths to zero

Thanks to DoT safety actions, deaths involving heavy vehicles dropped by 8% from 2022 to 2023 and the dept. wants to keep pushing till the number is 0

$2.8 billion plan to protect public land and support local government Conservation Efforts for restoring national parks, public land, and historic sites, for funding Bureau of Indian Education-funded schools, and for conservation funding.

Dept. of Transportation announced that it had managed to get customers nearly $1 Billion dollars worth of flight reimbursements

$725 million to clean up legacy coal pollution

$700 million for long-term water conservation projects across the Lower Colorado River Basin

$123 million for fighting Youth Homelessness -- the 8th round of investment in Youth Homelessness totaling $440 million so far. 

Focused on innovative answers, like host homes, and kinship care models, with emphasis on creating equitable strategies to assist youth who are most vulnerable, including BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, and youth with disabilities. 

part of administration’s goal of cutting homelessness by 25% by the end of 2025

Dept. of Agriculture announced a series of actions to strength Tribal food sovereignty to support native animal harvesting, the Tribal Forest Protection Act, and serving Indigenous foods in school meal programs

Bonus: the Bidens and Secretaries of Defense and State marked the 80th anniversary of D-Day in Normandy France with a handful of surviving veterans

Week 22

Harris announced that the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is moving to remove medical debt for people's credit score, improving the credit rating of up to 15 million Americans

EPA, Dept. of Agriculture, and FDA announced a joint "National Strategy for Reducing Food Loss and Waste and Recycling Organics" aimed to cut food waste by 50% by 2030

Biden signed with Ukrainian President Zelensky a ten-year US-Ukraine Security Agreement to help them win against Russia and meet the standards it will need to be ready for EU and NATO membership after the war

Biden also spearheaded efforts at the G7 meeting to secure $50 billion for Ukraine from the 7 top economic nations

Announced $500 million for the development of new non-injection vaccines against Covid  supporting a clinical trial of 10,000 people testing a vaccine in pill form and two other vaccines administered as nasal sprays

$404 million in additional humanitarian assistance for Palestinians in Gaza, the West Bank and the region

$142 million for drought resilience and boosting water supplies which will provide about 40,000 acre-feet of annual recycled water, for about 160,000 people a year in California, Hawaii, Kansas, Nevada and Texas. 

Also supporting 4 water desalination projects in Southern California. Desalination is proving to be an important tool used by countries with limited freshwater

Biden took the lead at the G7 on the Partnership for Global Infrastructure and Investment, a global program to connect the developing world to investment in its infrastructure from the G7 nations. 

Heavy investment in the Lobito Corridor, an economic zone that runs from Angola, through the Democratic Republic of Congo, to Zambia. The PGI has helped connect the 3 nations by rail allowing land-locked Zambia and largely landlocked DRC access to Angolan ports. Also is investing in a $900 million solar farm in Angola, and got a $5 billion dollar investment from Microsoft for expanding digital access in Kenya, Indonesia, and Malaysia. 

Week 23

On the 12th anniversary of President Obama's DACA program President Biden announced a new pathway to legal status and eventual citizenship for Dreamers

Biden also announced protections for the undocumented spouses and children of US citizens

IRS announced that it'll close a tax loophole used by the ultra rich and corporations and believes it'll raise $50 billion in revenue

$850 million to monitor, measure, quantify and reduce methane emissions from the oil and gas sector

Administration took steps to protect the nations Old Growth Forests, greatly restricting any logging against land owned by the federal government

Also touted the $1.4 billion invested in the 20% of America’s forests in urban settings such as parks through Biden’s Investing in America agenda

Released new rules tying government support for clean energy to good paying jobs. To qualify for massive tax credits, companies will have to offer higher wages and better conditions

Announced large reductions in student loan payments, and even a pause for some, starting in July

Biden Administration celebrated the 1 Millionth pension protected under the American Rescue Plan. 

Thanks to the Butch Lewis Act passed in 2021, the government stepped in to secure the pensions of 103,000 Bakery and Confectionery Union workers which were facing a devastating 45% cut- bringing to 1 million the number of workers and retirees whose pensions have been secured by the Biden Administration, which has supported 83 different pension funds, protecting them from an average of 37% cut.

$900 million for the next generation of nuclear power to invest in smaller and more flexible nuclear reactors with smaller footprints

Harris announced a $1.5 billion dollar aid package to Ukraine for repairing the devastated energy sector, emergency infrastructure repair, and humanitarian assistance

$315 million in new food, water, and malnutrition treatment aid for Sudan during their ongoing civil war which has led to nearly apocalyptic conditions in the country. USAID director warned that Sudan could quickly become the largest famine the world has seen since the 1980s when million people died over 2 years in Ethiopia. 

Bonus: Maryland Governor pardoned more than 175,000 people for marijuana convictions, mirroring Biden’s pardoning of people convicted of federal marijuana charges in 2022 and 2023

Week 24

US Surgeon General declared for the first time ever, firearm violence a public health crisis and recommended firearm restrictions

Harris announced the $85 million in first grants to be awarded through a groundbreaking program to remove barriers to building more housing

Under President Biden more housing units are under construction than at any time in the last 50 years. Plans underway to build 2 million affordable housing units and invest $258 billion in housing overall.

Biden pardoned all former US service members convicted under the US Military's ban on gay sex

$1.8 Billion in new infrastructure building across all 50 states, 4 territories and Washington DC, focusing on smaller, often community-oriented projects that span jurisdictions, like repairing damage from permafrost melting in Alaska or electrifying a bus fleet in Maine

$2.7 billion to support domestic sources of nuclear fuel

$127 million to 6 states to help clean up legacy pollution from orphaned oil and gas wells

$469 million to help remove dangerous lead from older homes

Bonus: Biden’s student loan forgiveness hit a snag this week when federal courts in Kansas and Missouri blocked some elements. The Administration also suffered a setback to its efforts to regulate smog causing pollution which were rejected by the conservative majority on the Supreme Court. These legal setbacks underline the importance of courts and the ability to nominate judges and Justices over the next 4 years

Week 25

OSHA is putting forward the first ever federal safety regulation to protect workers from excessive heat in the workplace

 $1 Billion for 656 projects across the country aimed at helping local communities combat climate change fueled disasters like flooding and extreme heat

 flight cancellations at the lowest they've been in a decade

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg credited the Dept.'s new rules requiring automatic refunds for any cancellations or undue delays as driving the good numbers as well as the investment of $25 billion in airport infrastructure that was in the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law

$600 million in the 3rd round of funding to reconnect communities divided by highways and other Infrastructure projects over the years, which most often affected racial minorities and poor areas.

The Biden Administration approved its 9th offshore wind power project

$504 million for 12 new Regional Technology and Innovation Hubs which will support high tech manufacturing jobs, as well as training for 21st century jobs for millions of Americans

$200 million to support improved care for older Americans, particularly those with Alzheimer’s and related dementia, by training health care providers in best practices, integrating geriatric training into primary care, and providing education for families and caregivers on supporting aging people.

$176 million to help support the development of a mRNA-based pandemic influenza vaccine

As part of the government's efforts to be ready before the next major pandemic, Moderna is working on an mRNA vaccine focused on the H5 and H7 avian influenza viruses, which experts fear could spread to humans and cause a Covid like event

Week 26

IRS announced it had managed to collect $1 billion in back taxes from high-wealth tax cheats through a program focused on persons with more than $1 million in yearly income who owed more than $250,000 in unpaid taxes. 

Thanks to funding from the Inflation Reduction Act, the IRS is able to undertake more enforcement against rich tax cheats after years of Republicans cutting the agency's budget, which they hope to do again if they win power this election.

$244 million dollar investment in the federal government’s registered apprenticeship program- focused on getting well paying blue collar opportunities to people

Republicans pledge to cut it, even as employers struggle to find qualified workers

$11 billion dollars in grants for the The Hudson River Tunnel- the most complex Infrastructure project in the nation would link New York and New Jersey by rail under the Hudson, improving and speeding connection throughout the Northeast

$1.7 billion to save or reopen auto factories and convert them for electric vehicles, which will save 15,000 skilled union worker jobs, and created 2,900 new high-quality jobs

Dept. of Housing and Urban Development reached a settlement over racial discrimination with the organization responsible for setting standards and qualifications for real estate appraisers, The Appraisal Foundation. 

Black and Latino home owners are far more likely to have their houses under valued than whites. Under the settlement with HUD, TAF (which last year was 94.7% White and 0.6% Black) will have to take serious steps to increase diversity and remove structural barriers to diversity.

Dept. of Justice disrupted an effort by the Russian government to influence public opinion through AI bots, shutting down nearly 1,000 twitter accounts linked to a Russian Bot farm focused on boosting support for Russia’s war against Ukraine.

$1.5 billion to help local authorities buy made in America buses, 80% of which will go toward zero or low-emission technology busses

Biden, Canadian Prime Minister, Finnish President signed agreement on the arctic to boost production of ice breaking ships and counter China’s dominance of that market and Russia's aggressive push into the arctic waters

$1.1 billion for greater rail safety to minimize rail crossings where possible and improve safety measures where not.

$120 million to help tribal communities prepare for climate disasters

$100 million in additional funds to help feed low income kids over the summer

If fully implemented SUN Bucks could help 30 million kids, but many Republican governors have refused the funding.

$100 million to the UN World Food Program to deliver urgently needed food assistance in Gaza. This will bring the total humanitarian aid given by the US to the Palestinian people since the war started in October 2023 to $774 million, the single largest donor nation

Senate confirmed the first Latina judge to serve on the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals, bringing the administration’s total judge appointments to 202.

Biden has appointed more black women to federal judgeships, more Hispanic judges, more Asian American judges, and more LGBT judges than any other President, including Obama's full 8 years in office. President Biden has also focused on backgrounds, appointing a record breaking number of former public defenders to judgeships, as well as labor and civil rights lawyers.

Bonus: At the NATO summit in Washington DC President Biden joined 32 allies in the Ukraine compact which confirmed their support for keeping a free and Democratic Ukraine in the face of Russian aggression. World leaders praised President Biden's experience and leadership during the NATO summit

Week 27

Biden announced the cancellation of $1.2 billion dollars worth of student loan debt, canceling the debt of 35,000 public service workers, such as teachers, nurses, and firefighters

After the supreme court struck down Biden’s original broader forgiveness plan, the administration has patchworked different plans together to cancel $168.5 billion for 4.8 million Americans so far

Biden announced actions to lower housing costs, make more housing available and called on Congress to prevent rent hikes

The plan calls for landlords who raise the rent by more than 5% a year to face losing major important tax benefits, the average rent has gone up by 21% since 2021

Also told federal agencies to see how unused property could be used for housing

Bureau of Land Management plans on building 15,000 affordable housing units on public land in southern Nevada

 USPS is examining 8,500 unused properties across America to be repurposed for housing

HHS is finalizing a new rule to make it easier to use federal property to house the homeless

Calling on lower levels of Gov to do so as well

$5 billion to replace or restore major bridges across the country

Executive Order aimed at boosting Latino college attendance through allowing institutions with 25% or more Latino students to more easily take advantage of federal programs and expand their reach to better serve students and boost Hispanic enrollment nationwide

$325 million in grants for housing and community development in 7 cities which have collectively pledged to develop over 6,500 new mixed-income units, including replacing 2,677 severely distressed public housing units. The cities will invest $2.65 billion – so that every $1 in HUD funds will generate $8.65 in additional resources

Biden took extensive new actions on immigration 

Allowing foreign born spouses and step children of American citizens without legal status to apply for it without having to leave the country

Easing Visa rules to allow Dreamers to get work visas to give them legal status and a pathway to citizenship

New rule expanding the federal TRIO program (which supports low-income and first generation college students transition from high school to college) to cover Dreamers

Plans to double number of immigration lawyers available to those going through immigration court

$160 million in grants to support Clean U.S. Manufacturing of Steel and Other Construction Materials

$203 million in humanitarian assistance for the people of Sudan where 25 million people are facing acute food insecurity due to war

Consumer Financial Protection Bureau put forward a new rule that would better regulate popular paycheck advance products to require lenders to tell customers up front about any and all fees and charges, as well as cracking down on deceptive "tipping" options

Week 28

$4.3 billion in Climate Pollution Reduction Grants to support community-driven solutions to fight climate change, and accelerate America’s clean energy transition

Administration announced a plan to phase out the federal government's use of single use plastics in food service operations, events, and packaging by 2027, and from all federal operations by 2035

White House hosted a summit on super pollutants with the goals of better measuring them and dramatically reducing them

$325 million in grants for climate justice, funded by the Inflation Reduction Act, 

to help weatherize and energy-efficiency upgrade homes for 35 tribes, to install onsite wastewater treatment systems throughout 17 Black Belt counties in Alabama, to support urban forestry, expanding tree canopy in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, and more 

Dept. of Interior approved 3 new solar projects on public land

Pledged $667 million to global Pandemic Fund to support Pandemic prevention, and readiness in low income nations who can't do it on their own

$240 million investment in tribal fisheries in the Pacific Northwest

IRS announced that thanks to funding from President Biden's Inflation Reduction Act, it'll be able to digitize much of its operations allowing taxpayers to retrieve all their tax related information from one source

IRS also announced that New Jersey will be joining the direct file program in 2025. In 2024 140,000 Americans were able to file this way, they collectively saved $5.6 million in tax preparation fees, claiming $90 million in returns

Republicans in Congress lead by Congressmen Adrian Smith of Nebraska and Chuck Edwards of North Carolina have put forward legislation to do away with direct file

Bonus: American law enforcement arrested co-founder of the Sinaloa Cartel, Ismael "El Mayo" Zambada

Week 29

Biden announced his plan to reform the Supreme Court and make sure no President is above the law. After the conservative majority ruled Trump has "absolute immunity" from any prosecution for "official acts" while president, Biden called for a constitutional amendment clarifying that presidents aren’t above the law

In response to a wide ranging corruption scandal involving Justice Clarence Thomas, Biden also called on Congress to pass a legally binding code of ethics for the Supreme Court, and endorsed the idea of term limits for the Justices

Biden Administration sent out an email to everyone who has a federal student loan informing them of upcoming debt relief options, mostly targeting run-away interest or those who have been making payments for over 20 years

Announced that the federal government would step in and protect the pension of 600,000 Teamsters, just the latest in a number of such pension protections the President has done in office.

Biden and Harris oversaw the dramatic release of American hostages from Russia in the largest prisoner exchange in post-soviet history at 24 people

A new Biden Administration rule banning discrimination against LGBT students takes effect, but faces major Republican resistance and lawsuits delaying implementation in red states

$2 billion to black and minority farmers who were the victims of historic discrimination and were improperly denied the loans they needed

Biden Administration took an important step to stop the criminalization of poverty by changing child safety guidelines so that poverty alone isn't grounds for taking a child into foster care

Administration agreed to a plan by the Democratic Governor of North Carolina to forgive the medical debt of 2 million people in the state (which has the 3rd highest medical debt in the nation)

Dept. of Transportation put forward a new rule requiring airlines to seat parents next to their children, with no extra cost

$3.5 billion to combat homelessness in grants to local organizations and programs

Pennsylvania and New Mexico would be joining the IRS' direct file program for 2025\

Bonus: President Biden welcomed families of released hostages into the oval office to call their loved ones on the plane home [video in week 29 post]

Week 30

$325 million to support State, territorial, DC, and tribal governments in buying new land for parks and outdoor recreation sites and the expansion and refurbishment of existing sites

$171 million to update and replace Birmingham, Alabama’s aging water system and remove all lead pipes

$2.2 billion in investments in the national power grid to help boost resiliency in the face of extreme weather

Justice Dept. won its massive antitrust case against Google, ruling it an illegal monopoly

Also has ongoing antitrust suits against Apple, while the Federal Trade Commission is suing Facebook and Amazon for their monopolist practices

$3.9 billion in direct aid to Ukraine to make up for massive budget shortfalls caused by the war with Russia. 

To help pay teachers, emergency workers, and other public employees, as well helping displaced persons, low-income families, and people with disabilities

$190 million to improve air quality and energy upgrades in K-12 schools

$424 million in additional humanitarian aid to the Democratic Republic of the Congo

Due to ongoing conflict and food insecurity, 25 million Congolese are in need of humanitarian aid

Senate confirmed 3 federal judge nominees, total Biden appointees now 205

Week 31

Announced the successful conclusion of the first negotiations between Medicare and pharmaceutical companies over drug prices. Savings on these first ten drugs are between 38% and 79% and will collectively save seniors $1.8 billion dollars in out of pocket costs

For years Medicare was not allowed to directly negotiate prices with drug companies leaving seniors to pay high prices. Thanks to Inflation Reduction Act, passed with no Republican support, this long time Democratic goal is now a reality

This is on top of capping insulin costs at $35/month and all out of pocket drug costs at $2,000 a year starting for Medicare recipients

Administration launched crackdown of companies wasting consumer time

Proposed rules that require companies to make canceling a subscription or service as easy as signing up for it

Requiring automatic refunds for canceled flights

Working on rules to require companies to allow customers to speak to a real person with just one button click

Working on rules around chatbots, particularly their use from banks

Working on rules to ban companies from posting fake reviews, suppressing honest negative reviews, or paying for positive reviews

Taking steps to require insurance companies to allow health claims to be submitted online

The Bidens announced further funding as part of the President's Cancer Moonshot which aims to cut the number of cancer deaths in half over the next 25 years

Harris announced a plan to lower housing costs- offering $25,000 to first time buyers for down-payments, building of 3 million more housing units, and $40 billion innovation fund to spur innovative housing construction- all in addition to Biden's calls for a $10,000 tax credit for first time buyers and to punish landlords who raise the rent by over 5%

Biden Designates a national monument at the site of the 1908 Springfield Race Riot, where thousands of white residents destroyed black homes and businesses and 17 people died. As a direct result of the riot, black community leaders and white allies met a few months later in New York and founded the NAACP

$775 million to help cap and clean up orphaned oil and gas wells

Harris announced plans to ban price-gouging in the food and grocery industries

In response to this pressure from Democrats on price gouging, the supermarket giant Kroger proposed dropping prices by a billion dollars

Week 32

$521 million to help increase the number of electric vehicle charging ports

Dept. of The Interior announced the first ever lease for off-shore wind power in Oregon

Finalized the protection of 28 million acres of public lands across Alaska

$558 Million for improving maternal health

Announced that Maine will join the IRS' Direct File program for tax year 2025 which allows taxpayers to file, for free, simple returns with the IRS instead of paying for services like TurboTax

Week 33

$7.3 billion in clean energy investment for rural communities

Administration announced a historic 10th offshore wind project, this one in Maryland

Executive Order aimed at supporting and expanding unions directing all federal agencies to take steps to recognize unions, not interfere with the formation of unions and reach labor agreements on federally supported projects

$1 billion to make local roads safer to 354 local communities across America to improve roadway safety and prevent deaths and serious injuries

Since National Roadway Safety Strategy launched in 2022 traffic fatalities have decreased for 9 straight quarters

$430 million to support America's aging hydropower- most dams were built in the New Deal Era, and need to be updated for safety

$300 million to help support tribal nations, and US territories cut climate pollution and boost green energy

investing $179 million in literacy to help support states research, develop, and implement evidence-based literacy interventions to help students achieve key literacy milestones

US government secured the release of 135 political prisoners from Nicaragua jailed by the dictator there since political protests started in 2018

Justice Dept. announced the disruption of a major effort by Russia to interfere with the 2024 US Elections. A Russian propaganda network spent $10 million to help spread Russian propaganda and help sway the election in favor of Trump and the Republicans as well as disrupting American society

Harris outlined her plan for Small Businesses at a campaign stop in New Hampshire- she wants to expand from $5,000 to $50,000 tax incentives for startup expenses which would help 25 million new small businesses over 4 years

Week 34

Biden marked the 30th anniversary of the passage of the Violence Against Women Act (which was written by him as a senator). He announced $690 million in grants to support survivors of gender-based violence.

Announced a new rule to force insurance companies to treat mental health care the same as medical care

Announced that 50 million Americans, 1 in every 7, have gotten health insurance through Obamacare's marketplaces

IRS announced that it has recovered $1.3 billion in back taxes from wealthy tax dodgers. The Inflation Reduction Act funded the IRS to chase high income tax cheats, which Republicans have been underfunding for years to hinder the ability to make the wealthy pay their fair share. IRS has collected over a Billion Dollars in back taxes from the richest Americans, so far this year

Dept. of The Interior and White House Climate Advisor Ali Zaidi highlighted the 41 renewable energy projects approved on public land by the administration

$236 million to help fight forest fires and restore landscapes damaged by recent wildfires

$157 million in wetland conservation focused on protecting bird habitats

Senate confirmed 4 federal judge nominees, total Biden appointees now 209

Week 35

$1.3 billion in new funding for Historically Black Colleges and Universities which have proven to be far better at boosting the long term economic prospects of graduates than non-HBCU colleges. Bulk of funding will go directly to helping students afford college.

Dept. of Transportation celebrated 60,000 infrastructure projects funding by the Biden-Harris Bipartisan Infrastructure Law

From major multi-state projects to small town railway crossings every project was lead by a local community in need not a make-work project dreamed up in Washington

Over $3 billion to support the battery sector in 25 projects across 14 states supporting over 12,000 jobs

Maine and Rhode Island both launched a partnership with the federal government to help save low income families money on their utility bills

$156 million to help bring solar power to low-income New Mexico residents as part of the "Solar for All" project to help low-income people afford the switch over to solar power

Announced the first ever leases for wind power in the Gulf of Maine

Senate confirmed 2 federal district judges and 1 appointment to the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit, total Biden appointees now 212

Week 36

Announced new actions to curb gun violence at the one year anniversary of the White House Office of Gun Violence Prevention such as an Executive Order combating machine gun conversion devices, 3-D printed guns, and addresses active shooter drills at schools

One year anniversary of the American Climate Corps has seen 15,000 young people connected to well paid jobs in climate resilience. A new Environmental Justice Climate Corps program was announced which will connect 250 American Climate Corps members with local communities and help them achieve environmental justice projects

Announced that 4.2 million small business owners and self-employed people get their health insurance through the ACA marketplace. The self-employed are 3 times as likely as other Americans to use the marketplaces for their insurance

Pressed freight railroad companies to close the gap and offer paid sick time to all their employees. Under Biden's leadership the number of Class I freight railroad workers with paid sick days increased from 5% to 90%. Now he is pushing to get it for the last 10%.

$965 million to help school districts buy clean energy buses

The administration took another step in its historic efforts to protect the Colorado River System by signing 5 water conservation agreements with local water authorities in California and Arizona conserving over 717,000 acre-feet of water by 2026

$254 million to help support local parks, the largest such investment in history

$1.5 billion to help combat opioid addiction and prevent opioid overdose deaths

$466.5 million in food assistance and development worldwide this year, including helping to feed 1.2 million children and helping 200,000 farmers shift to climate-smart agriculture in low-income countries

First Lady announced at UN meeting a partnership with USAID and UNICEF to end childhood exposure to lead worldwide

Senate approved another federal judge, total Biden appointees now 213

Week 37

Biden and Harris have led the federal response to Hurricane Helene earning praise from both Republican and Democratic local leaders. Thousands of federal workers have given out over 8 million meals, and 7 million liters of water. Harris announced the federal government will reimburse state and local government 100% of the costs from Helene

A strike by the International Longshoremen’s Association, that briefly shut down ports, ended in a tentative deal to give them a 62% raise, after Biden directed the Secretary of Transportation to take the lead pressuring management to make a deal with the workers

Harris announced new actions to help those struggling with medical debt- 

Requiring debt collectors to confirm debts are valid and accurate before engaging in collection actions

Cracking down on debt collectors that collect on debt that is not owed by patients

DoD announced that it was reducing pricing for civilians who get medical treatment at DoD hospitals

Crack down on tax-exempt hospitals who are required by law to offer financial assistance but often do not

$62 Billion in infrastructure funding for 2025 for roads, bridges, high speed rail, ports, airports, and high speed internet

$1 Billion dollars of investment in America's passenger rail future to help expand and modernize intercity passenger rail nationwide. (Coming on top of $8.2 billion in investments announced in December 2023)

$2.8 billion joint project between Dept.s of Energy and Agriculture to bring 100% carbon pollution-free energy to the rural Midwest

IRS announced that 30 million Americans, across 24 states will qualify for free direct filing of their taxes in 2025

$7.7 billion in funding for Climate-Smart Practices on Agricultural Lands

$1.5 billion in investments in transmission infrastructure to help ensure our grid is reliable and resilient

Week 38

Biden announced a new EPA rule that will require all lead pipes in America's drinking water systems to be replace within 10 years

Harris plans to expand Medicare to cover home health care. Currently long term care is only covered by Medicaid, the health program for the poor, so people must spend all their savings before they can qualify. This would allow more seniors to stay in their homes and would be a gamechanger for disabled Americans, who also get coverage from Medicare

Medicare released a preliminary list of 101 generic drugs which it would cover that would cost $2 or less for a month for enrollees. Thanks to the Inflation Reduction Act, Medicare will be allowed to pay for generic drugs, which was long resisted by drug companies

Administration’s Domestic Policy Advisor announced they had blown past goal of hiring 250,000 student support staff for 2024, with 320,000 tutors, mentors, student success coaches, postsecondary transition coaches, and support coordinators nationwide

$420 million to help get rid of lead paint and other lead hazards from homes

Week 39

Announced they had forgiven the student loan debt of 1 million public sector workers through the Public Service Loan Forgiveness, which was passed in 2007 but almost impossible to access until the Biden Administration’s overhauls

Federal Trade Commission finalizes its "one-click to cancel" rule which requires businesses to make it as easy to cancel a subscription as it was to sign up for it

Announced there are 1.7 million more construction and manufacturing jobs and 700,000 more jobs in the transportation sector since the start of the administration, and 400,000 more union workers than in 2021. 

60,000 Infrastructure projects across the nation have been funded by the Biden-Harris Bipartisan Infrastructure Law

$2 billion to protect the U.S. power grid against growing threats of extreme weather

$125 million to help upgrade older diesel engines to low or zero-emission solutions

Dept. of The Interior and State of California broke ground on the Salton Sea Species Conservation Habitat Project restoring and protecting a total of 5,000 acres of land in California’s largest lake

$900 Million in investment in next generation nuclear power, developing smaller lighter reactors which in theory should be easier to deploy

The federal government took two big steps to increase the rights of Alaska natives. 

The Departments of The Interior and Agricultural finalized an agreement to strengthen Alaska Tribal representation on the Federal Subsistence Board

Dept. of Interior  signed 3 landmark co-stewardship agreements with Alaska Native Tribes

$860 million to help support solar energy in Puerto Rico

Dept. of Interior announced it had approved the Fervo Cape Geothermal Power Project, a major step forwards towards geothermal energy of public lands and the goal of a carbon pollution-free power sector by 2035

Bonus: Biden meets with a Kindergarten Teacher whose student loans were forgiven this week [video in week 39 link]

Week 40

Biden issued the first presidential apology on behalf of the federal government to America's Native American population for the Indian boarding school policy

Proposed a new rule which would make contraceptive medication (the pill) free over the counter with most Insurance

EPA announced its finalized rule strengthening standards for lead paint dust in pre-1978 housing and child care facilities. The new standards set the lowest level of lead particle that can be identified by a lab as the standard for requiring lead remediation

$50 million dollar fine against American Airlines for its treatment of disabled passengers and their wheelchairs. Half the fine will go to replacing such damaged wheelchairs

Biden administration has leveled a historic # of fines against airlines ($225 million) for their failures. Also published an Airline Passengers with Disabilities Bill of Rights, passed a rule on accessible lavatories on aircraft, and is drafting a rule to make airlines replace lost or damaged wheelchairs with equal equipment at once

$430 million dollars to help boost domestic clean energy manufacturing in former coal communities in 15 different towns

$4.2 billion in new infrastructure investment for 44 projects across the country

$200 million to replace aging natural gas pipes saving the average consumer over $900 on gas bills and removing 1,000 metric tons of methane pollution, annually

$244 million to address legacy pollution in Pennsylvania coal country

Data shows that President Biden's Inflation Reduction Act (passed with Vice-President Harris' tie breaking vote) has saved seniors $1 billion dollars on out-of-pocket drug costs by capping yearly out of pocket costs and allowing generic drugs and price negotiation

Announced new proposed rule to bring student debt relief for 8 million struggling borrowers

Despite roadblocks from Republicans at all levels, the administration has managed to bring student loan forgiveness to 5 million Americans so far through different programs patchworked together. The new proposed rule to bring it to 8 million more can’t be finalized before 2025, so the election will decide its fate

$1.5 billion in 92 partner-driven conservation projects aimed at making farming more sustainable and environmentally friendly

What Joe Biden and Kamala Harris did in 2024.

I started this project back in January and for most of a year, every week, I came up with the highlights of what the Biden-Harris Administration did. I did it because it felt to me our media and national conversion was broken, our government was doing huge things that it felt like almost no one knew about. It's amazing how often I struggled to find a single news source that wanted to cover a huge life changing project.

This is the last Friday before Election Day, and if you haven't already voted, take a minute to go back and look at the last 40 weeks, and decide, do you like these things or want literally the reverse on every issue.

Week 1 January 19th

Week 2 January 26th

Week 3 February 2nd

Week 4 February 9th

Week 5 February 16th

Week 6 February 23rd

Week 7 March 1st

Week 8 March 8th

Week 9 March 15th

Week 10 March 22nd

Week 11 March 29th

Week 12 April 5th

Week 13 April 12th

Week 14 April 19th

Week 15 April 26th

Week 16 May 3rd

Week 17 May 10th

Week 18 May 18th

Week 19 May 24th

Week 20 May 31st

Week 21 June 7th

Week 22 June 14th

Week 23 June 21st

Week 24 June 28th

Week 25 July 5th

Week 26 July 12th

Week 27 July 19th

Week 28 July 26th

Week 29 August 2nd

Week 30 August 9th

Week 31 August 16th

Week 32 August 30th

Week 33 September 6th

Week 34 September 13th

Week 35 September 20th

Week 36 September 27th

Week 37 October 4th

Week 38 October 11th

Week 39 October 18th

Week 40 October 25th

Feel free to reblog this or go back and reblog a favorite, one that impacts your life or the one from the week of your birthday, whatever.

and remember to read past the headlines and dig to find out what your government is up to, it might shock you how much is happening that no one talks about.

[heegyukeluv]

I offer you my everything (lhs)

pairing: heeseung x afab!reader

synopsis: You never cared about sex, until you did. You grew too afraid of it, scared of disappointing the other person or showing your inexperience. But then you met Heeseung, the hot basketball captain that stole your heart and became your biggest fantasy. 

my's note: i loved working in this so much. also i wanna emphasize that for god’s sake do not “lose” your virginity due to pressure or anything related to others. do it because you want to!! take your time, there’s no such thing as being too old for it neither need to rush. you have to enjoy it! that being said, i hope you enjoy this writing 🤭

warnings: fluff, pet names, explicit language, reader is insecure about having sex and some other things, SMUT - so minors DO NOT interact!, virginity loss, kinda pillow princess reader (she doesn’t know what to do, so she just lay down and enjoy), protected sex 💪🏻, fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), quick handjob. lmk if I missed something!

wc: 21k

NOT PROOFREAD.

taglist 💖: @yvnempire

Entering college was your dream come true. 

There was a whole fantasy of how your life would change for the better, the new ways of seeing life, dealing with problems – new problems!, meeting new people, going to university parties, starting your adult life. Everything sounded ethereal, almost utopian, and although you were a very down-to-earth type of person, you never stopped your imagination from flowing through the excitedly new unexplored area.

You used to have a very simple and ordinary life in your hometown, going to school everyday, getting great grades, not really engaging with romantic relationships and having a normal amount of friends and people who cared about you. 

Your parents were good people but quite strict with how you should live your life. It wasn’t much of a problem because whatever they were afraid of you getting into and “losing yourself” wasn’t really your cup of tea; you never really cared about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend – and your dad vehemently explained to you how disappointed he would be if you started to date someone with no goals in life or whatever. Doing drugs was way out of your interests, but you were very curious about the whole alcohol thing. And well, you wanted to become a journalist one day, so you pretty much studied for it and made your parents proud of you.

Overall your life was very… vanilla. And a strong part of you wanted it to be a bit spicy.

Not in an exaggerated way – and you had no problem with who wanted their lives to be –, nevertheless you wanted to really live the university experience, so your first months in college were actually dreamy, especially for being away from your parents’ grip and finally trying the taste of what freedom felt like.

You met your classmates and respectives professors, you got to know better about the available clubs and how to enter them, and you met your roommate, Ryujin, which thankfully ended up having enough common interests with you to make a healthy friendship grow. 

Making friends wasn’t a big problem to you as well, because even though you normally showed a very reserved version of yourself at the beginning, people around you just fell for your charms naturally, wanting to be close to you for your aura at first and then because of how supportive and funny you were once they got to know you better. 

Now, in your second year, you already had a spot on a small group of friends, who everyday would try to meet during lunch time to catch up on things and not freak out with the amount of assignments they were dealing with. 

The conversation always flowed nicely, you never felt insecure about sharing a piece of your mind with them since they listened to you well. You were really glad to have people like that in your daily life.

However, there was a single topic that you often would shut up about to avoid being the center of attention, and the said topic was an ongoing conversation right at that moment.

“I need to get laid,” Julie, one of your closest friends, said in a very dramatic way. You forced a smile that you were pretty sure that looked very awkwardly placed on your face. 

You could feel your heart beating fast with the idea of you becoming the subject in that conversation.

“What you really need is a good night's sleep,” Yunjin added with a chuckle, patting Julie’s head who shot a slightly upset look back at her. 

“For that I need to sit on someone. Like, I can literally feel my body aching for a dick,” she explained, keeping the drama in her tone as if she was sick. There was a reason for Julie to be in the theater club afterall. 

“For God’s sake,” Yunjin muttered, rolling her eyes but not really bothered by her friend’s behavior. She was pretty much used to it at this point, and well, quite the same but with girls.

You just watched as they both bickered with each other, hoping for you to stay out the fire and wondering when that conversation would finally become just a reminiscence of your day.

There was no shame on you for being a virgin. It was quite literally your choice since having sex was your last priority during your teenage years although you had guys interested in you in that aspect.

You weren't expecting the right one, your prince charming, nor to get married before. You just never cared much about having sex, and once you started to care you never felt comfortable enough with someone to show yourself so vulnerable, so openly like sex seemed to be.

Once your university life started to kick in and attending parties became a part of your weekends, you really thought that you would finally be able to free yourself enough to have someone with you in a bed, naked, doing sexual things or whatever. But what really happened was you feeling endlessly frustrated with yourself for panicking, finding lame excuses to run away from the possibility of having sex every time a makeout session started to be a bit more intense.

Alongside that often reaction of yours, you went through a tough moment with a specific guy, one you let yourself comfortable around, leading to you one day being in his bedroom while sharing a passionate kiss. With the amount of reassurance he showed you through the whole moments you were just flirting, you thought that sharing that you never had sex before wouldn’t be a problem. He was about to undress you from your bra when you told him, and then he halted his movements, overreacting as he said “I’m no sex teacher to teach college girls how to have sex”.

You never felt so humiliated in your whole life. Not only it became a trigger but also a new thing to overthink; the fact that some guys would see you as too innocent for their sex drive, refusing to do anything with you.

Nevertheless, you were still a woman with desires, with a libido waiting to be directed and mostly, curiosity. 

Your mind would flee to dirty, lascivious places whenever you saw a character you found attractive, such as actors, singers or even real life crushes, sometimes doing the bare minimum but still sparkling in your sexual self, wetting your panties – and in those days you blamed your ovulation. 

But the moment you tried to fulfill your fantasies with real people, your body refused to relax, your mind never stopping from the constant overthinking about either disappointing or just showing how inexperienced in the practical area you were, ending up embarrassing yourself. 

Since you also never looked out for the help of your friends, none of them knew about that part of your life and you always shared a silent feeling of gratitude for the lack of their interest in that area. 

The whole theme being a main focus on conversations constantly made you pretty uncomfortable, because everyone showed to enjoy their sexual lives fully, without any problems like you.

Although you had very incredible friends that you could rely on, you couldn’t help but feel the anxiety of being judged by them, so you always opted to stay quiet or managed to redirect the discussion.

As if someone had listened to your prayers, you noticed another friend of yours – Jake – coming in your direction with a big smile, his backpack hanging loose off his shoulders and someone a bit too familiar alongside him.

You waited for them to be closer to try to recognize the strange and… Shit. 

Your breath got stuck in your airlines when you realized that the guy with Jake was Lee Heeseung.

Your eyes followed how he took a seat in front of Jake, who sat beside you. None of your friends stopped the playful argument when they both arrived at the table, and for a little while you were glad for that, because you for sure couldn’t hide your surprised face and sudden dizziness for having Heeseung that close, looking unnecessarily attractive with his usual sly grin, messy black hair and strong presence.

Heeseung was the basketball captain of your university team.

You harbored a love for sports since childhood, not in a way of being a player but a watcher. During the first weeks of college you discovered that your university had a basketball team and you got really intrigued. Since then, it became your hobby to go over and watch them practicing during your free time or just to study for a while using the sound of balls bouncing on the floor as a background.

It was during one of your study days that you first met Jake, when he accidentally threw a ball in your direction and although you safely dodged, he insisted on taking you to what he called a date, but you weren’t much interested in him like that so you two became friends. 

Jake was definitely hot, but, well… You had a big crush on the very much attractive ace of the team. 

His movements looked meticulously calculated as if he had control of every part of his body, his pretty smiley face whenever he scored a point making your heart miss a few beats, not to mention the shameless winks he gave towards the girls who were watching the match just to make them scream. His overall performance was just sensational, making you wonder if the hands that were harshly used to grip the ball would grip your hips the same way.

Yeah, one of the in real life crushes you would get wet just by thinking about.

You forced yourself to believe that you had everything under control, since crushing on Heeseung was a waste of time and a sentence to have your heart shattered. You knew about his fuckboy reputation and definitely wasn’t planning on being the talk of the week of the “lucky girl that Heeseung fucked” or anything similar, neither wanted to face the consequences of getting involved with him – the amount of gossips going around with your name would increase considerably as people would try their best to destroy your self-esteem. 

Or at least that’s what you heard from your friends, wondering for a long time if people were exaggerating just because of jealousy. 

You weren’t that desperate to lose your virginity, although the thought of losing it to Heeseung seemed quite interesting – but, again, impossible.

Heeseung's existence in your life always resembled to be like an idol. Not in a sense of you idolizing him, but as someone you were intrigued by, loving to watch him by far, never getting close enough given that nothing could even happen between you two, especially because how would two different worlds collide like that? 

So in your own defense of how your body was reacting, no one prepared you to be so close to him without a previous warning, even with the fact that Jake was friends with Heeseung. Your brain just insisted on forgetting that eventual possibility.

“What are you guys talking about?”

And then you really panicked.

You also forgot that Jake was pretty much a gossiper and would rather know what the table was talking about instead of bringing another new subject to it. And now there was Heeseung sitting with all of you, making it harder to breathe and to focus on any other thing. You could feel the sweat dampening your armpits, the idea of you having to talk about your sexual life haunting you to death at that moment.

“Me getting laid,” Julie answered with a cheeky smile. 

“Oh,” Jake was taken back with her quick and honest response, you could notice by the way he slightly widened his eyes. Heeseung just laughed. And what a pretty fucking laugh. 

“Don’t act like you never fucked in your life, Jake,” Yunjin said narrowing her eyes skeptically, adding to the fuel.

You felt your cheeks and the top of your ears burning. And not only that, there was a very intense gaze right towards you that you refused to look up to meet. The scrunched napkins on the table looked way more interesting than anything else at that moment.

“I’m still not used to all your… Openness,” he motioned with his hands as he explained. You mentally cursed Jake’s oblivious self for giving Julie the right words for her to be even more blatant in her dramatic speech. 

“Oh boy, I really wish I’d be open–” 

“Julie!” Yunjin now screamed flabbergasted with Julie’s audacity, laughing loudly and smacking her friend's shoulder while you hid yourself in your hands, fully embarrassed. You couldn’t hold back a small, kind of a relieved laugh because the topic apparently was about to end.

You heard Heeseung chuckling with them and decided to search for his eyes just to meet them already on you, shamelessly checking you out. You instantly avoided his not a little soft glances at your chest and lips, but not with enough time to fail to perceive how he bit his bottom lip while still smiling.

“Care to present your friend?” Yunjin directed the question to Jake when she stopped laughing.

“I thought you already knew Heeseung,” Jake sounded confused.

“We do, but I don’t know if Y/N do,” she explained, pointing to you.

Now every pair of eyes on the table was on you and normally that wasn’t a big deal, you loved the attention your friends gave whenever you were the one speaking. But Heeseung being the owner of one of those pairs made it difficult for you not to blush harder.

“O–oh,” you damned yourself for stuttering, swallowing nothing. “I actually know him too, yeah. I– I watch the uni basketball practices sometimes.” You tried to sound cool, forcing a very awkward smile, but your voice was so obviously nervous you just wished no one would notice. 

However, Heeseung’s lips curved into a smirk told you that he, at least, noticed. And was enjoying seeing you so flustered.

“I’ve seen you there a few times”, it was his first words since he sat with your group, his voice sounding quite different from when you normally heard him – screaming in the basketball court with his teammates to hype them up. 

Your heartbeat was loud inside your chest, and you wondered if the reason behind was because of Heeseung’s intense presence, or how dreamy his voice sounded, or the fact that he had perceived you in his games. All the options sounding very unnecessarily smitten to you, who usually knew your place, grounded with your feelings, but apparently not with Heeseung and his charming face.

Jake nodded, smiling cutely at you. But not a cutely you enjoyed seeing; it was a mischievous grin. You gulped.

“Heeseung insisted on sitting with us today, saying he wants to get to know you better,” Jake nudged your shoulder with his’, wiggling his eyebrows while the girls hummed teasingly at you.

You widened your eyes, your cheeks with a tone of red spreading all over. You noticed Heeseung’s cherry colored lips still with a petty grin, his eyes slightly hooded as he faced you. That alone was enough to get yourself worked up, sending signals directly to your cunt. 

You literally clenched around nothing just because Heeseung smirked at you while holding eye contact.

Of course you would react like a teen that just got a confession from her crush mixed with a pervert that never had sex in her life and got horny by little things – which, in part, was true.

Nevertheless, hearing Heeseung laugh along with Jake’s next words completely dashed your hopes and your arousal away. 

“I’m joking. It’s funny and cute how you always react with things like this.”

You now had to blink a few times to recompose yourself just enough to fake a smile, trying not to demonstrate that your panties were a bit damp and you, frustrated.

“Not funny to play with a girl's feelings, Jake,” Julie uttered when she noticed your slight discomfort.

Now it was the time to take your realistic persona and act out of the situation, as you pulled your best facial expression in order to cover your kind of hurted heart. “There are no feelings,” you urged to say with a forced laugh, failing to notice Heeseung’s smile dropping for a second. “Yeah, it’s funny now, but I’m pretty sure you were on the verge of crying when I refused to go with you on that date,” you cocked your head with a raised eyebrow facing Jake, watching his expression contort in all the five stages of grief at once, his lips parted with widen eyes at the end.

“You’re mean,” he whined and you laughed.

“Only for you,” and you gave him a little wink before standing up and gathering all your things on the table to put back on your backpack. “I gotta go now, see ya later?” You looked at your girl friends who just nodded and said a cute goodbye to you, avoiding eye contact with Heeseung as you did so.

As you made your way to your upcoming class, your mind automatically flooded with thoughts about what just happened; you yourself questioning for how long you would be able to hide your inexistent sexual life from your friends, or even if you should keep doing it, due the fact that they could help you get over your insecurities and apprehensions.

Besides, it was becoming quite unbearable to cope with the frustration of wanting, yearning, and desiring, yet never being able to make a move beyond it.

And since when would Heeseung pay genuine attention to you? You couldn’t deny that even with your head making sure to remind you of the unrealistic nature of things happening with Heeseung, your feelings seemed to have been crushed in a very hurtful way.

There was a part of you that believed a bit in the fantasy of him being a very warm and approachable guy who would do cute things with you, respect your space and time and also be the one who you have sex with. 

On the other hand, you constantly reinforced the thought of being impossible and somehow weird. You felt weird. Like a true pervert of some kind. 

You spent the whole class thinking about what Jake said and how Heeseung's eyes wandered your features with something very similar to what you saw in some other guys. Desire. 

But at that point you comprehended that your mind had started to like to make things up. Jake was lying after all.

You just wished for your sentiments and needs to vanish quickly, or at least for you to be able to replace the person. In any case, you decided to avoid the basketball court for a few days. 

Not showing up to watch the team’s practice and games did not prevent you from running into Heeseung almost everyday, which was the main reason behind your decision – to get over your silly little crush on him.

Apparently fate had other plans for you and you honestly didn’t know how to feel. Heeseung began to be part of your group hangouts alongside Jake, now being a regular presence to the point where your friends would frequently ask his whereabouts, as if everyone in the group suddenly grew a liking for him.

And honestly, you couldn’t blame them. Apart from your tangled, weird feelings that for sure had something to do with how you envisioned him, Heeseung revealed to be a genuine sweet, caring person, easily breaking parts of your pre-concept about his stereotypes. 

His “player” aura was fading little by little, even though his confident demeanor kept its place on his every move.

Heeseung had gleaming eyes shooting you the most flirtatious, intense gaze, with equal glistened lips adorning the most endearing smirk, enough to make you lose your words, to lose your mind. Not to mention how often his body leaned towards yours in order to give you full attention.

Heeseung would cock his head and glance at your lips whenever you were the one speaking, simple behaviors messing you over and over, tempting you to dive into the pool of the unexplored, the so lustful field you never let yourself do a proper investigation, too afraid of surrendering to your feelings and needs.

The more you got to know him, the harder it became to dismiss the growing admiration and longing feeling running all over your body. Heeseung wasn’t just some fleeting crush anymore. He became something you couldn’t name yet, still fuzzing your mind, the crawling sensation on your skin wanting more and more of whatever he had to offer – just a look, just a smile, just some words, just some gentle brush of skins. Anything. 

At some point your chest started to palpitate just by the mention of his name, your blood running cold instantly as your whole posture changed, terrified of someone knowing about your feelings, about your dirtiest thoughts, about how he would visit your dreams at night to show you how much you craved his body. 

God, you were so fucked up, so desperate, and nonetheless, hesitant.

Something strongly held you back, even with Heeseung’s attempts to become closer to you, asking direct questions to you, trying nonstop to get to know you better, just like Jake once told you he wanted to.

You never let him in. Not openly, not with your words, not in front of him – you refused to risk having a broken heart because Heeseung was simply being his normal self and you, seeing beyond his charming facade.

Heeseung had occupied a spot in your mind from day one, ever since his damp, sweaty hair stuck on his forehead together with a cocky smile seemed way too attractive to your eyes and you began to pay more attention to his existence. That was true. But you only allowed him to do his proper mess inside your head after de-idolizing him; after the looks he gave to every other girl started to have you as the main target, after his hands “accidentally” brushed on yours during your moments sitting side by side sending shivers throughout your body, after he questioned about how you day have been and actually paid attention to your answer, your stomach doing flips every time.

Heeseung was now part of your thoughts because he showed genuine affection and worry about you, without you asking for it. And alongside all of that, he was so fucking and unnecessarily hot.

But what if all of this was just a game? Just another girl he messes around with, playing with her feelings just because he can. Just because he's attractive and you're foolishly falling for him…? 

…Falling for him?

“Stop overthinking,” Sunoo’s voice cut your roam of thoughts as he appeared out of nowhere, dropping his books on the table before sitting across you in the library, catching you totally off guard. 

“Damn it, Sunoo!” You nearly screamed, covering your mouth to restrain it, ignoring the librarian's angry glare.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he chuckled softly. “But your frown is screaming at me, what’s on your mind?”

“Ahm, just some media ethics stuff, y’know–”

“Cut that off, sweetie. I’m not asking about your studies. You know that. I’m asking about your frown, your overthinking frown,” he said, gently pressing his finger on your forehead. “What’s really going on in there?”

You sighed. 

The two of you had met in your first year when you realized you shared almost all your classes. Since then, Sunoo had become one of your closest friends – the trustworthy one, the always-down-for-anything one, and also the one who worried about you the most. He was a comforting presence, someone you could rely on to listen to your concerns and anxieties without judgment.

Still, despite this, you felt nervous. Your eyes darted around searching for any eavesdroppers, a few students scattered throughout the library, deeply focused on their studies, oblivious to your conversation. Yet your tense nerves inhibited you from sharing your true worries as you opened and closed your mouth a few times without being able to talk.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Sunoo asked softly, eyes offering you comfort as he held your hands and caressed them.

You nodded, watching his body instantly lifting up from his seat to help you grab your things and his own, snatching your hand with his to drag you around the campus until you found a quiet place near some trees. 

“Go ahead, sweetie,” Sunoo said as he leaned in one of the trees, watching your gaze avoiding his and your cheeks reddening a bit.

“I’m having some troubles, personal problems, if I’m being honest…” Sunoo said nothing, just nodded his head in a reassuring way although you weren’t looking at him. “It’s–” you gulped. Your mind screaming at you to shut up, because you were certain he would make fun of you. Sunoo, the guy who always had people crushing on, definitely would not understand what you are going through. You searched for his eyes, just to find them filled with compassion. “I’m–” You shut your eyes searching for the best way of saying. “I’m a virgin,” you blurted out in a low tone, your face burning with embarrassment as you refused to open your eyes. 

However, Sunoo's nonchalant reaction took you by surprise. “Okay, and?” Then you blinked a few times, trying to comprehend the lack of judgment. This was not what you prepared yourself for. “What’s the problem?” He sounded genuinely confused with your dumbfounded expression. “That’s all? I mean, if it’s really bothering you we can talk through it, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, sweetie…”

“So… You think that’s normal for a college girl to be a virgin? You don’t think it’s something to be weird or to be asham–”

“My dear Y/N,” he cut you off by holding your head softly to look directly into his eyes. “First of all there’s no such thing as what's normal or not normal when it comes to many things. Also, please never let someone make you feel ashamed of who you are or how you’ve chosen to live your life, ok?” Your honest reaction was to stare at Sunoo in astonishment. “Promise me, Y/N.”

“I promise,” your voice was muffled since he was holding you still.

“Now spill the real tea, because I’m pretty sure this is just the tip of the iceberg.”

So you vented out about everything running through your mind, your worries, your genuine curiosity mixed with a fear, how you were aching for something you were too afraid of getting – or letting yourself to get. 

Relief ran throughout your body, as Sunoo made you comfortable enough to go subject by subject in order to help you name all of your nameless and confused feelings, including to situate where your expectations were set. You wanted your first time to be enjoyable, that’s for sure, so you had to be with someone who would help you erase your turbulent thoughts by reassuring you regularly – a one night stand type of thing was not an option, you realized with Sunoo. 

You shared your apprehension on disappointing with your lack of experience, and to that Sunoo settled your nerves by saying “If the person respects you, you don’t have to worry about that,” and you discovered another name for what you wanted. 

The anguish of not knowing what to do or where to go was slowly diminishing every time you labeled what previously you were able to describe only as a ‘bittersweet feeling of panic and desire’. 

You also didn’t need to directly mention Heeseung, Sunoo himself brought his name after connecting the obvious dots of the said crush being Heeseung, especially since his glances at you and your reactions to it were anything but subtle.

“Don’t have to worry about that either, sweetie. I don’t think any of the others noticed it, they’re too oblivious sometimes,” Sunoo calmed you down after you almost cried due to your embarrassment of someone noticing your messed up self. 

Something Sunoo said reverberated throughout your day as well. “You will always be a virgin if you don’t have sex. And if you’re afraid of having sex because you’re a virgin, it’s an unsolved paradox.”

Your talk with Sunoo eased your mind, but also introduced a whole new scenery of thoughts – gladly not anxious one. You were depriving yourself of your own pleasure, of your own desire. And perhaps the real reason was because you feared… liking it. 

So after a good night of sleep, you decided to head out to your favorite place during your free time: the basketball court. Not necessarily to watch anything – or someone in particular, but to ponder what you had going through your head the whole night ever since Sunoo’s advices and sweet, reassuring words. 

Of course your choice of place would lead you to probably bump into a specific someone, and part of you really hoped for that.

While you drank your iced coffee, you wondered if Sunoo was being serious when he said that the talk about Heeseung in most cases was disconnected with reality. He didn’t explain much about it, but what he said was enough to intrigue you.

“Hey,” a far, but known voice snapped you out of your trance, and instantly your whole body heated.

You watched Heeseung jogging in your direction, panting a big, sweat dripping off his temples and his arms in display for you since he was wearing a sleeveless shirt.

“It’s been a while since I last saw you here,” he said, shooting you a small smile, easily walking through the seats by skipping them with his long legs until he got closer. 

“Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy,” you answered, fighting yourself not to tremble and to avoid glazing your eyes on his body, the team’s uniform looking gorgeous in contrast with his skin tone.

“Missed you, Y/N,” Heeseung talked with a gentle voice, his usual sparkly eyes growing wide as he realized what he just said. “I mean, I missed you being around, y’know,” he tried to play it cool and due to your nervous self, you barely noticed he was going through the same emotion.

He was so attractive, and for some reason the mix of his perfume with his sweat inebriated your air lines, making it a little difficult to breathe. 

Little did you know that Heeseung was in a similar state, lost in how cute you looked that day, your comfy outfit and the single ponytail doing your face features justice by letting them shine with a natural beauty you carried confidently.

Heeseung noticed you on the very first day you appeared to watch a game. He normally paid little to no real attention to who watched his practice, the flirty glances and winks thrown at the crowd usually was just for fun and no one in particular, but your sudden appearance was overwhelming, his stomach did flips and his so focused self was faltering before your presence. 

He had to take a good, long, cold shower after in the locker room to try to get over his exaggerated reactions. How does one get his heart pounding so fast, hands sweating and distracted concentration just because they are good looking?

He for sure knew plenty of attractive people, but none got his heart aching and his body craving like you did. 

“I’m sorry, I know I’m the team’s lucky charm,” you acted out of your bubble a bit. That would be a normal saying by you, actually. But around Heeseung you worked differently, actions more withdrawn than ever, flustered by the fact that his focus was on you, and only you. 

You barely had any moments alone with Heeseung, most of the time some friend of yours was engaged in the conversation as well, so to talk directly to him without having another person to cover up your nervous state was pretty difficult, especially by the way he held eye contact on you, as he was reading every bare piece of you.

“Yeah, I really don’t know what to do without you,” Heeseung put his hand on his heart dramatically as he said and you blushed, pushing his shoulder and avoiding looking at his face. 

And well, he wasn’t lying. 

Your constant attendance, whether to really pay attention to what was happening or just to quietly study as you regularly did, threw his mind into chaos. Heeseung had to physically restrain himself from jumping across the seats to ask for your number at first, your aura seeming a bit coy to him – not in an off putting way, but in a way that made him think you deserved someone better than what he could offer. Alongside that, he believed there was no way a hot, beautiful and smart girl like you would pay any attention to him.

It wasn't like Heeseung was insecure, he knew his strengths and how to work with them. A line of girls would eagerly wait for a chance to spend a night with him, though he never went that far with many of them, choosing carefully who he led to his room or allowed in his life.

Nevertheless, the feeling of having that kind of attention was addicting. To feel desired by them fed his ego, he never denied that. 

That alone convinced Heeseung that you, out of all his options, would never let him taste a crumb of what he really wanted from you.

And then there was the moment he got to know about Jake being friends with you. 

His instincts told him to give up, but he had to try, a demeanor similar to a man who never saw a woman in his life before, just to get a little bit of whatever you would give to him.

Heeseung grew obsessed with your presence, with you. Yet never bold enough to do much about it, too afraid of your so certain rejection. Then you suddenly disappeared and he missed you like crazy, to the point of befriending your friends simply to have a bit of your presence in his daily life.

To get you know better did no good to his health at all. He got enthralled by your sarcastic, funny personality, your endearing laughs and genuine love for your friends, spilling through your actions and words, always supporting them without losing your humor. 

Heeseung got a small taste of how it feels to have you around and he grew addicted – even more than for the feeling of being desired by many, more thrilling than the praise for his performance or the rush of winning a game. At the end of the day, Heeseung wanted your attention and your praises. 

After realizing it, he decided to step up on his game.

“So…” Heeseung cleared his throat after your silence. “Are you free later?” 

The question itself had nothing openly implied, just a normal, simple and direct ask. But God, why did your heart started to beat so fast? Why did your face felt like fire burning all over it?

You forced yourself to meet Heeseung's gaze, his eyes filled with anticipation and eagerness, just like your reply could change the whole path of his life. 

“Ahm, yeah, kinda. Why?”

You watched as his expression lighted up and how he tried to hold back his smile while scratching the back of his neck. Spotting Heeseung apparenting to be nervous ignited a different, sudden feeling inside you, as if you now understood that you affected him in some way. Or that he was a very good actor. 

“I was wondering if you would like to come over to my place– We’re going to throw a small party, so it’d be cool to have you there,” he nodded to himself, proud for not stuttering at all. When did inviting a girl to a party become that hard?

Unfortunately for him, you paid close attention to his behavior and body language, how he avoided looking at your eyes even though he was the king of maintaining eye contact while speaking and how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as if he swallowed hard. All the pieces together put you in a new position, one that you felt confident enough to play on his game. 

“A party, huh?” You showed him a smile before biting your bottom lip and tilting your head to the side, as if you were thinking about his invitation, Heeseung’s eyes catching every movement and your eyes catching his not a bit subtle glances. “I’ll try to fit you in my schedule.” 

And you gave him a wink as you stood up to go back to your dorm without waiting for a response, knowing that your sudden courage would not last long to keep it going, not even realizing you left Heeseung in a total speechless form.

Attending a party alone was not something common to your lifestyle at all, same as accepting going on one just because of an acquaintance of yours. 

Usually your friends – Yunjin or Sunoo, in particular – would be the ones to tag you along, since you liked to go out but never got that extroverted side to be directly invited; you didn’t even bother to care much, because as said before, your friends were the ones in charge to lead you to the places.

In addition to that, not only would you have a company so you would not feel alone, but also a friend nearby to look after you – though your alcohol tolerance was pretty high, you didn’t trust yourself to make sound decisions sober, let alone drunk.

Later on, Heeseung messaged you saying you could invite the girls and Sunoo, but to your misfortune and as if fate was tricking you, all of them had other plans and left you hanging this time. Yunjin encouraged you to go by yourself, since Jake would probably be there as well as Heeseung, so you gathered all the courage you had left and decided to go.

Nevertheless, Heeseung wasn’t necessarily your friend yet. 

You both shared information about each other during the time he hung out with you and your friend group, enough for you to know his degree and some of his life interests like favorite movies, music and the fact he was a chronic gamer. 

Whilst you didn’t trust him enough to have your back if needed to, there was something on the way he oftenly treated you that broke down your doubtful barriers with ease, not only by his respectful manners but also by his desirable glances. Heeseung would look at you with a perfect mix of endearment and craving, like he wanted you so bad he would do anything, but never crossing the line, waiting for you to make the first move.

It was reassuring in some type of way, to feel wanted and at the same time, respected. Upon this conclusion, you felt confident enough to cross the opened door and to enter the house, hearing the loud music boosting through the speakers as a bunch of people danced to it, some of them seeming way too drunk already. 

The fluttering sensation in your stomach showed you not only the fear of being by yourself, but mostly the obvious, expected acknowledgment you would eventually bump into Heeseung. 

Before you could walk your way to the kitchen to get something to drink – a shot of courage, maybe, someone gave you a sudden bear hug and by the drunken voice you noticed it was Jake.

“You came!” 

“Yeah!” You answered with the same pitch, hugging him back, relieved that your whole internal dilemma ended quickly. Or you thought so. “You look kinda drunk,” you stated the obvious with a sarcastic tone, sly smile at him when he pulled out of the hug.

Jake literally giggled as a response and wrapped his free arm around your shoulder, dragging you around, his other hand occupied holding his cup. 

“Let me introduce you to my friends, you introduced me to yours so it’s only fair if I do the same, right?” You laughed at his very slurred words, as well as how cute he sounded having his cheeks flustered due to the alcohol. 

However, when you realized that he was leading you to his friends – and Heeseung was his friend – you almost froze, stumbling a little on your legs while your whole body tensed. You damned Jake for not letting you take your shot of courage before.  

“No need to be nervous,” Jake murmured close to your ear, his hands resting now on your waist as he continued to walk with you. The distance wasn’t that far, but Jake kept stopping to greet everyone along the way so it took you both double the time.  

“I’m not–”

“You’re doing the face you do when you’re nervous,” he pointed out.

“Am I that easy to read?” You let out an awkward chuckle, feeling shy at how transparent your reactions were. 

“Yeah,” he replied, causing you to now genuinely laugh at his sincerity. “You’ll like them. They already like you. Heeseung doesn’t shut up about you, so they're already familiar with who you are.”

What?

You had no time to think about his words or even react properly, a bunch of new friendly smiles greeting you.

“This is Sunghoon and Jay,” Jake indicated with his fingers to the ones sitting on the couch in the corner of the room. “The two over there are Riki and Jungwon,” Jake pointed with the hand that held his cup to the two who were standing and talking with each other, but when their names were mentioned they looked at you with curiosity. “And Heeseung you already know, but I don’t know where he is.”

Part of you felt relieved by Heeseung's absence, while another part was somewhat disappointed.

“Hey, you must be Y/N,” the one you understood as being Jay stood up to greet you with a hug, followed by Sunghoon.

“Enjoying the party so far?” The taller one asked, looking you directly into your eyes. You showed him a gentle smile as you answered.

“I kinda just arrived, so…” Sunghoon nodded, mouthing an ‘oh’ and sitting again on the couch although his gaze kept focused on you. You shook your head when he silently asked if you wanted to sit as well. “But I can say the music is pretty nice. Whoever chose the playlist has a good taste.”

“Thanks.”

You weren’t expecting to feel Heeseung’s presence close, right behind you. His sweet yet low voice making you shiver, a weird feeling tingling your skin. 

“I chose the playlist.”

You gulped down your flustered self to turn around and address your attention to him, just to meet his signature flirty expression, this time a little more… softened. He shamelessly checked you out, eyes sparkling in interest as he tried to hold back his smile, disguising it with a small smirk.

His outfit took your breath away, as he wore a black dress shirt that had the first two buttons open and a beautiful silver chain necklace contrasting his slightly tanned skin, every move of his tempting you to see what was underneath the clothing piece. 

You saw how Heeseung’s Adam's apple moved up and down before he raised an eyebrow playfully when his eyes landed on your face again. 

He paid attention to the way your cheeks turned into a soft shade of red that he was sure wasn't just because of your makeup blush, and damn, how could you look so hot with black skirt and an oversized black shirt? Your legs in full display to him to savor. 

“You look pretty,” he complimented you, sincerity and a taste of desire evident in his tone. You smiled shyly, feeling a warm blush rise to your cheeks.

“Oh, thank you. You look great yourself,” you replied, and although you felt flustered for being that close to Heeseung, you didn’t hesitate to maintain eye contact, focusing the most you could not to falter. 

Heeseung chuckled, his hands dipped in his pockets as he straightened his posture, quickly averting from your gaze before coming back to look at you again. 

So gorgeous, his heart was beating unnecessarily fast just by seeing you and even faster because of your compliment.

“I’m glad to hear that, y’know, I was hoping to make a good impression,” the alcohol in his system made him a bit bolder than he normally was around you, his body leaning subtly closer to yours, his eyes taking the typical glances at your lips.  

You huffed a flustered laugh, looking at him through your eyelashes. “You– You don’t have to try that hard, though,” you tried to speak confidently, and you actually did it, biting your lips as a way of restraining yourself from literally jumping on that hot, attractive, charming, man.

The little giggling noises behind your back made you aware that you were not alone with Heeseung to be that fearless, so you took a step back, suddenly feeling hesitant. 

“You think so?” Heeseung, on the other hand, didn’t care about his friends, maintaining his flirty aura as he stepped closer to you, a playful grin adorning the corner of his glistening lips. However, he quickly caught the slight discomfort in your posture and decided to give you some space, backing off. “Well, next time I’ll just let my natural charm do the work, then,” he winked at you and casually sat on the couch arm beside Jay and Sunghoon.

You felt a bit out of your place, your wobbly legs not letting you do much and you awkwardly self not knowing exactly what to do. Jake was long gone already, lost in the sea of people while the other boys chatted between themselves. You stood near to the wall next to the other couch arm, engaging in the conversation as they asked you a few things in order to make you feel included. Eventually, Jungwon and Riki joined as well, bringing you a drink, and you got to know all of them better. 

Throughout the entire time, Heeseung wasn’t subtle with his glances, eyeing you up and down, taking his sweet time appreciating your bare thighs and your lips whenever you spoke. And even when you caught him staring, he didn’t flinch, full of confidence, biting his lower lip just to wet it with his tongue right after, definitely not paying attention to their friends talking.

So excessively hot. 

Heeseung was torn between awe and frustration. Having you so close, yet so out of reach was killing him inside – he wished for you to take the obvious hints he was giving of being so down to kiss you, his body aching in despair. 

And he grew even more desperate and frustrated when Jungwon boldly asked you, “Do you wanna go dance with me?” 

Heeseung watched the subtle surprise in your expression as your eyes flicked to him briefly, missing the silent plea for him to repeat what Jungwon had just said.

Still, you hesitated for another reason. Normally one of your friends would push you out of your shell to do what you wanted to, but were afraid of. But not only Jungwon's cute smile got into your heart, you also thought to yourself it was time to make your own decisions, even the simple ones like accepting or not a dance.

“Sure,” you agreed, grabbing the hand he offered you, following him to the makeshift dance floor. 

Heeseung’s eyes couldn’t drift away from how your body moved with Jungwon’s precise lead, your hips synchronized with the rhythm, your happy smile lip syncing the song together with Jungwon. He watched his friend get closer to you to whisper something in your ear, making you laugh brightly, wishing to be the one to make you feel that way, to touch, to have you like that.

Heeseung was growing jealous of Jungwon’s demeanor around you, having his hands confidently resting on your waist, guiding you through the music with ease, whispering things he wished so badly to know what it was.

He knew he was shameless staring, Sunghoon mocking his reactions as he scoffed and rolled his eyes, annoyed by the sight of another man touching you.

“Why are Jungwon’s hands roaming all over her body like that?” He asked without taking you out of his sight.

“They’re just dancing, relax.” Sunghoon smiled playfully.

“Jungwon is just being nice to her,” Riki pointed out. “They share a few things in common and they both like to dance, so it was just a convenient situation, y’know? Nothing to worry about.” Riki tapped his friend’s shoulder.

“We all know the girl’s yours,” Jay said.

“She’s not mine.” 

Yet, Heeseung completed it on his mind, but his friends knew all too well about that too.

On your side of the story, despite the warmth of Jungwon’s company, you couldn’t ignore the weight of Heeseung’s gaze, taking a glimpse once and a while of his so unreadable expression. You couldn’t figure out if it was anger or envy or desire or frustration, Heeseung showed you a mix of everything and, God, you wanted so badly for him to do something.

“Heeseung is looking at me like he’s going to kill me,” Jungwon whispered in your ear, and you laughed nervously. 

“I hope he doesn't, you’re too nice and young to die.”

Jungwon chuckled at your response, and then noticed how your body tensed up suddenly. He followed your eyes and you both watched Heeseung’s tall figure standing up and walking towards you two. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Heeseung’s voice was smooth, just like him. Your heart started to race too fast when Jungwon handed you to Heeseung.

“She’s all yours,” Jungwon winked, saying a quick goodbye to you and heading back to his friends. 

Even with now being just the two of you, Heeseung didn’t touch you without your permission, partly because he was scared of not being able to control himself at all. He blinked a few times waiting for you to take the lead and his breath hitched when your hands went directly to rest on his shoulders. 

You gave him a reassuring look, allowing him to touch you, and nearly melted when his fingers found their place on your waist, caressing the place gently as he slowly moved you both to the music. Every so often, your eyes would meet and each time you couldn’t help but blush and smile shyly before quickly looking away, Heeseung thinking how precious you seemed acting like that. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” you started saying after the silence of your voices. “I’d love to dance with you a bit more, but I have to be honest, my social battery is pretty drained already,” your lips curved into a small, apologetic pout.

“Do you wanna go home?” He asked softly, bold hands now moving a bit more freely on your body. You shook your head, since going home equaled being away from his embrace. “Do you wanna get out of here?” You nodded cutely and he smiled, endeared by your behavior. “Come with me,” he said and kindly held your hand to lead you away from the party, not before stepping briefly in the kitchen to grab you both a drink.

Heeseung took you to the back of the house, being one of the owner’s he knew all the places where people could and couldn’t be, so a big part of you felt relieved for not having to deal with a crowd overwhelming your senses. 

“You look quite tired,” he uttered with a hint of concern, as you both walked slowly through the backyard, way less people scattered through it as you just followed him without thinking much about it, focusing on your drink.

“Yep, I think I overworked my social battery today,” you answered with a chuckle. “But it was pretty fun, though. Your friends are really cool.”

“They are.”

You both stopped walking at some point, Heeseung nodded his head towards the low wall that surrounded the house for you both to sit on it, a very peaceful, quiet place to run away from the party chaos. 

“What about you?” You asked curiously, tilting your head to catch his profile before he turned to face you.

“Hm?”

“You don’t seem to be the type to just sit back and watch the party,” you stated, swinging your legs as you finished your drink. 

“Yeah? What do you think I should be doing then?” Heeseung raised an eyebrow, intrigued by your perception about him.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, averting your eyes to anything but him when you said. “Banging with someone?”

“What!?” Heeseung exasperated, as if he was really offended. You laughed out loud with his extremely exaggerated reaction. “Is that what you think of me, Y/N?” 

“Well, y’know, it’s kind of hard to think otherwise. Your reputation doesn't help much,” you explained and forced your best innocent look when your eyes rested on him again. You tried so hard not to laugh at his very deeply offended expression. 

“I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’m the person you think I am,” he huffed a laugh, biting his lips right after to glaze his eyes on you. “Don’t even know when was the last time I– Sorry,” he quickly interrupted himself with an embarrassed smile. “I might’ve overshared a bit.” 

You shook your head, smiling away your fluster. “You’re fine. But it's still hard to believe.”

“You should ask my friends, then!” He was really trying to defend himself in this one. “Ask Jake!”

“And he’ll tell me what? That you have a long list of women you hooked up with?” You teasingly wigged your eyebrows, nudging him playfully.

“God, no,” he whined and you laughed at his adorable frustration.

You didn’t know it was this fun to tease Heeseung.

“How do I put this… Mhm,” he looked away, suddenly flustered. You were slightly surprised by his demeanor. It was the first time you witnessed Heeseung being something similar to shy. “I like to kiss,” your eyes grew wide and now was your time to be nervous. “So when I go to parties, I might be found kissing someone if I’m really in the mood, but just because I like to kiss, y’know?” He continued, shrugging, trying his best not to sound crazy to you. “And what I’ve noticed is that the people that I kiss, turn a simple makeout into something more when they talk about it, which almost never really happens if I’m being honest,” he paused. “I can count on my fingers how many women I’ve actually taken to my room.”

You swallowed hard, almost audibly gulped, a mix of sensations running throughout your body with his confessions. 

“And I also enjoy the flirting, y’know. Their reactions flatters my ego,” this time he was so obviously teasing you after he noticed your embarrassment, finding it adorable how your cheeks got painted red.

You rolled your eyes, pushing his shoulders in annoyance as he laughed. “I’m not joking, though,” he added. “But once I’m committed, I give up on all of that because I can only think about the person I’m liking.”

All that new information sent your brain into overdrive, unnecessarily attractive the way Heeseung’s voice got low at the end, as if he was telling you a secret, a lustful secret, shivers running all over your spine and you having no idea of what to do. You tried hard not to read between the lines. If you did, you would pick up on the message wrongly, because there was no way he was genuinely hitting on you.

“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Heeseung hurried to say, his eyes softening on you. 

“No,” you shook your head, chuckling. “I’m just… surprised. Didn’t expect you to be this open,” you admitted, your nervousness waving away from your body, feeling a bit more at ease around him. He still carried his cocky, flirty, charming aura, but now with a taste of honesty you appreciated. 

“I just wanted you to know me, instead of what people say about me,” Heeseung confessed with a tender smile. You nodded, glad for his sincerity. 

You both fell into a comfortable silence, the muffled noise of the party still going serving as a background. Heeseung was so terribly desperate to touch you again, his hands hesitantly hovering yours, yet never really touching it, as you obliviously looked at the scenery surrounding you, the trees throbbing by the quiet breeze relaxing your senses while you took a few deep breaths. 

“Do you wanna go back inside or…?” Heeseung sweet voice eagerly broke the silence, attracting your attention. He was hungry for you, even without tasting you before. His eyes were dripping honey as he watched you consider your options for a bit, pursed lips with a slightly frown.

The peaceful atmosphere embraced you, not only by the cool weather but also Heeseung’s calm, sweet, yet strong presence. You looked through your eyelashes at the adorable bambi eyes that waited anxiously for your answer, blinking slowly. Something has shifted in the air between you two, and surprisingly your body was relaxed with the possible outcome, your heartbeats strong in your chest.

“I’m fine here, actually. What about you? Do you wanna go back?” Your voice sounded way softer than you expected, and just then you realized how close Heeseung’s face was to yours, his alcohol breath mingling with yours mixed with the scent of his cologne, sending you into a trance. 

Your eyes naturally wandered through his beautiful facial features, his cute nose, his sparkly eyes, the little mole on his forehead, and of course, the oh, so kissable lips, tempting you so badly. You never had Heeseung that close to you, and he was so fucking breathtaking.

“No,” Heeseung replied under the same tone as yours. You observed how he hesitantly raised his hand near your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, chills running through your body with the light touch. 

Heeseung took your reaction of not backing off as a green sign, so he jumped off of his seat to place himself between your legs, your sweet perfume intoxicating him as he looked up at you. Instead of going for a kiss as you expected him to do, he gulped and just hugged you by the waist, his face resting on your chest as you heard him taking a deep, long breath. 

Your confused self tried to go with the flow, awkwardly caressing his dark hair, hugging him back. You didn’t understand what he was aiming for, and neither did he, to be honest. He suddenly felt so nervous he forgot how to act, and he realized your presence calmed him down so a hug looked just as right as a kiss.

However, you now were the one growing impatient. “Hee?” You called by his nickname, to which he answered with a muffled “Hm?”, loving the way it sounded in your voice.

“Do you want me to get down so we can kiss?” You audaciously asked, ignoring how hot your cheeks felt right after.

“Please,” he whispered as he parted away from you just to help you to get down, his hand rushing to grab you by the waist while the other cupped your cheek, every touch, every eye contact being so genuinely gentle. 

Your fingers traced up from Heeseung’s chest until they reached his nape to scratch the area at the same time you pulled him closer, and closer. His stomach did a flip with how much he was needing you, so it took no time for him to close the distance between you two, lightly shocking his lips on yours.

The first touch was tender, hesitant, as if you both were testing it out. You moved to grab his bottom lip with yours, your breath hitching a little, shivers of anticipation going all over your skin when Heeseung tilted your head to the side so he could deepen the kiss.

Heeseung hummed against your mouth when he finally tasted you, his tongue brushing yours and sending him instantly to heaven; he immediately tangled his fingers on your hair to pull you near, eagerly wanting more and more of you, before sliding the same hand to your waist, pushing your body to lean it on the wall, pressing his own on your’s.

You two shared an intense desire for connection, once fed by days, weeks only by the tension of your imagination, of ‘how it could be’ or ‘happen’. Now that longing no longer occupied just your minds, becoming reality the more your bodies attracted each other with every touch, discovering new places, new pleasures, new cravings.

Heeseung didn’t know he would yearn you even more after getting a taste of you, and God, you were so addicting. 

At some point you broke the kiss to catch your breath, Heeseung’s fingers exploring your body with a perfect blend of desire and respect, as if he was still waiting for the moment you would ask for a stop although he couldn’t resist to feel every piece of you. Fortunately for him, you were far from wanting him to halter his movements, his lips on yours making wonders on your system, your body feeling like melting for how amazing it felt to have him that intimately. 

Heeseung’s eyes searched for yours, his now darkened gaze made your stomach flutter, your skin tingling from desire. “Tell me to stop,” he whispered on your lips, brushing them slightly. You simply shook your head, capturing his plump-kissed lips again, holding him even closer.

This kiss started urgently, even with Heeseung trying to keep it slow. Your pulse was fast, you needed him more than anything and your whole body was on fire. You could feel Heeseung going through the same, his skin smooth and warm under your hands as you boldly slipped one of them under his loosen shirt to access his back from his neck, mildly scratching the area just to receive a groan as a response.

“Fuck,” he pressed his body flush against yours even more if that was possible, his mouth travelling away from yours to spread hot kisses and small bites all over your jawline and neck.

Naturally your head was thrown back to give him more access to that area, now being your time to moan as an answer. When you paid close attention to every area of yours that was being touched by Heeseung, you noticed his hardened bulge pressing your body and let out a little gasp.

The recognition of you wanting him as much as he yearned you had awakened something inside of Heeseung, making his head lose control and focus on only one thing: you. 

Heeseung was craving you like an animal. 

And his way of showing that was slowing down his kisses, his hands audaciously squeezing your ass, sliding through your body with a mastery it took your breath away. Hesseung was a fucking good kisser, working his tongue on yours just the right enough to make your legs wobbly.

But then you became too aware of everything that was happening and your mind activated all the insecurity thoughts you once had for knowing that the makeout session would never just end there.

When Heeseung tried to kiss you again, you used your hands to lightly push him away and avoided his lips, both of you panting.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked you with confused, puppy eyes. Your heart shattered instantly. 

“No, you’d never,” you kindly caressed his face. “I’m just– I…” You opened and closed your mouth, trying to find words that would not make you sound too off or that would make Heeseung slip away from you, but none seemed right. 

“Y/N, it’s fine, yeah?” He caressed your hips and then your right cheek, pecking your lips sweetly with a gentle smile. His dick in his pants painfully reminded him of how much he was in need of your body, nonetheless he would never force you to do anything, and just the kisses you shared was enough to make his whole year worth. With that in mind, he kissed your left cheek before saying, “Let me take you home, how does that sound?”

You smiled, even with the urge of crying knocking on your door so closely, the bittersweet taste replacing Heeseung’s in your mouth as you gulped it down your throat, damning yourself for being such an overthinked, insecure person that was too afraid of going all the way for God’s knows why. 

“Sounds great, Hee.”

As your usual response after any encounter involving men and the possibility of intimacy, you tried desperately to escape from meeting Heeseung. You would die to kiss him again, and again, and again… But at the same time, Heeseung wasn’t the type of guy who would stop at just kissing and you got a bit of the taste of that – your whole body was on fire just remembering his firm length pressing against your body, the little sounds he let out through the kiss, his hands pulling you closer and closer… And then you freaked out. As always.

Little did you know that Heeseung grew so obsessed with you and your intimate touch that night, that the mere thought of kissing you again consumed his mind just as much as you already captivated every corner of his head before.

The ghost of your lips lingered on his, haunted Heeseung’s memory, making him crave even more of whatever you would be willing to give to him, he would take anything at this point. 

Heeseung noticed you vanished from your obvious encounters, not only by missing the basketball game’s practice, but weirdly not hanging out with your own friends. The possibility of you avoiding him made his heart pound in a mild, strange pain, as he didn’t know the reason behind and simply deduced he did something wrong, like crossed your boundaries or anything similar. He couldn’t live with himself if that was the case and in order to correct that, he needed to see you and properly apologize.

“Do you think I’ve fucked up?” Heeseung was now in Jay's room to vent out his concerns about you, pacing back and forth. Jay was still half-asleep, barely knowing his own name let alone able to deal with Heeseung’s situation.

Fortunately for Heeseung, one of the perks of having a long-time friend is that the said friend would be open to hear you whenever and for whatever reason. 

“What do you mean?” Jay’s voice sounded groggy as he squinted his eyes to face the bright light coming through the window before searching for Heeseung in his room.

“She’s been ignoring me, like literally ignoring my texts and avoiding me,” Heeseung explained, fingers messing his hair nervously. 

Jay let out a deep sigh with a yawn while he sat straight on his bed, running his hand on his hair to try to make it as presentable as possible. “Have you thought about the possibility that she’s, I don’t know, going through something?”

“And how do I fix this?” Heeseung looked at his friend with a hint of desperation. 

“You have to let her deal with her stuff first, Hee.” Jay tried to sound as much as compassionate as he could, watching Heeseung taking the seat beside him on the bed. Jay patted his back. “I don’t think it’s up to you, at all.” 

“I know, it’s just frustrating. I want her so bad, bro,” Heeseung rested his elbows on his legs and buried his face in his hands.

“Yeah, never seen you so down for a girl like that,” Jay huffed a little chuckle, amazed by his friend’s behavior. 

“How can I not be? She’s so pretty, and we have such a good connection, and, God, her lips taste like honey. Like, her touches are so ligh–”

“Ok, enough,” Jay rushed to cut off Heeseung’s possible one hour speech about you, and now that you both shared an intimate moment, Jay was one hundred percent sure he didn’t need to hear such vivid details about it that early in the morning. “Let her do her thing, I’m sure she’ll eventually reach for you, bro.”

“I hope so.”

You weren’t too different from Heeseung though, feeling completely frustrated and in anguish. 

You got your panties dampened in arousal just by having Heeseung touching and feeling you the way he did, and he would not leave your thoughts alone for no second during your days, making it difficult to go through your classes and to focus on your studies without your foots nervously tapping the floor, while biting and licking your lips due to your imagination flying by uncountable scenarios. 

All of them with the same outcome: you panicking and leaving him hanging.

“Spill it out,” Sunoo surprised you by hugging you from behind while you waited in the line to order you a coffee.

“God Damn it, Sunoo!” You slapped his arm, hearing him laughing at you. “Why do you always do this?” Your question sounded like a whine. He poked your sides before letting you go from the hug. 

“It’s funny how reactive you always are,” he teased with a smirk. “Order one for me, babe. I’ll pick us a table,” Sunoo said simply, as he started to move away from you. 

“But–”

“No but’s!” He called out already far from you. “I can see your frown from a mile away and I’ve known you long enough to know you’re doing what you like to do the most.”

Your flabbergasted expression was the only thing Sunoo saw before heading to a table on the corner of the store waiting for you to pick the both of you a coffee and head to share the seat with him. 

“I kissed him.” You blurted out as soon as you sat, eyes expressing a mix of despair and excitement. Sunoo opened his mouth in a perfect ‘oh’ that silently asked you to explain it better. “So I went to that party,” Sunoo nodded for you to keep going. “And I was dancing with one of his friends, and then he stepped in and we danced together. You know I don’t usually socialize alone that much, so I was feeling drained already,” Sunoo eyes were sparkling in interest, he loved a good little love story. “Heeseung led me to the backyard, and we chatted for a bit, he made sure that I knew his reputation was all talk,” you chuckled, remembering how anxious he looked trying to explain himself. “And now that I know this, it makes total sense. I never really saw him doing anything too explicit in public, so…”

“Ok, babe. I got that part,” Sunoo rushed you. Normally he would listen to every single word you were saying in order to fully help you, but he was so invested in getting to the point he couldn’t help his impatience. 

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Well, we had a little moment y’know and then we kissed, very cute and all that jazz. Until the things… shifted a bit,” your cheeks blushed.

“Oh?” Sunoo's eyes grew wide just like his smile. “Did you..?”

“No! I didn’t,” you pouted. “That's the thing. I freaked out. As I always do. And now I’m even more desperate than before, because I got to taste what he can offer me and I want more, but I’m so, so, so afraid,” you whined, almost crying as the words came out of your mouth without you caring if it made sense or not.

Sunoo sighed, his orbs now filled with reassurance as he held both of your hands. “Did he force you to do anything?” You shook your head. “He stopped when you asked him to?” You nodded. “Then I don’t think you have to be scared of anything, Y/N,” you were about to interrupt him, but he kept on talking. “Listen, if Heeseung is into you the way it looks, he’ll respect your boundaries and wait for your consentment. And if he tries something funny, y’know I’ve got your back. I can punch really hard if I need to.”

You chuckled at his wording, knowing that was actually the truth. You were blessed to have someone like Sunoo in your life. “Thank you, Sunny,” you said sincerely. “I’m very grateful for having you.”

“No need to thank me, sweetie,” he kissed the back of your hand, before clapping his and saying excitedly. “Now let’s work on a plan of how you can relax and finally get that dick.”

“Sunoo!” You exclaimed, exasperated, and your friend's loud laugh was the only response you got.

“See you tomorrow, captain.”

You leaned your back against the wall near the door, watching a group of guys walk out of the locker room, some of them narrowing their eyes at you to which you pretended not to see, fakely paying attention to your phone, hoping none of them would stop to talk to you. You had one person in mind only.

“Oh? What are you doing here?”

And it was definitely not Jake.

“Oh, hey,” you smiled awkwardly, pushing your body away from the wall to face Jake. Your eyes darted over his shoulder, scanning if someone was coming after him just before you turned away from the door. “I’m wai–”

“Y/N?”

Your blood ran cold at the sound of your name being called by the voice you only heard in your dreams for the past few days. You tried to swallow down your tension and your shivers, barely registering Jake stepping away from you two to give the space you both needed.

Your body slowly turned to face Heeseung. His hair was wet, and he had a flustered, tired face from the game, a backpack hanging loose from his shoulder, and a small towel on his hands that he was using to dry off the water from his recent shower. His cherry-red lips were slightly parted, and his heavy breathing made your stomach and heart fluttered.

What a fucking vision, you almost whispered.

He had a blend of surprise, happiness and worry in his expression, which softened right after you showed him a small smile, your voice sounding as sweet as honey. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he mimicked your kind tone, his lips curving into a smile as well. He observed your adorable reddened cheeks and your big doe eyes staring at him, filled with expectation. “How are you?” He tried to sound casual, but his voice came out so obviously holding back his desperation.

His heart was racing fast, a genuine wave of joy and relief running through his body. You had no right to show up looking so damn cute and expect him to act normal, as if he wasn’t missing you like crazy.

“I’m good,” you replied softly.

Heeseung nodded, never breaking eye contact. You tried hard to figure out what was left unspoken through his intense, yet tender gaze; your skin aching, yearning for his warm touch just one more time, just like that night, just as a reminder of how good it felt, just so you could bring to reality everything that went through your thoughts since the last kiss.

You really wished Heeseung were feeling the same way, or at least something close to it, otherwise you weren’t sure if you could deal with rejection after you struggled to gather all your courage to encounter him.

The tension in the air was suffocating you a bit, the endless silence was killing you inside, nevertheless you couldn’t find the right words to start anything coherent. Gladly Heeseung perceived your body reacting to the strange atmosphere between you two, and the last thing he wanted was for you to feel uncomfortable or to make things weird in your little relationship.

So he took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours as he bit his bottom lip.

“I’ve missed you,” he confessed without realizing he just did, voice quiet, almost like a whisper. You watched his eyes growing subtly wide before you drifted away from them.

Your heart skipped a beat, your cheeks heating up and your hands trembling with the unexpected confession. “I’ve missed you too, Hee.” You admitted looking at the floor, unable to keep looking at the eyes that showed you too much affection right now.

The desire once never forgotten grew stronger inside Heeseung’s chest, he needed you more than anything. His hand reached out for yours, the light brush of your skins sending chills through your spine and taking your breath away.

“Can we talk?” He asked softly, relief running on his body when you held his hand back. 

“Yeah, we can,” you nodded, now looking up, not containing your smile as soon as you met his face all lightened up.

“Okay,” he left out a little chuckle, too happy for his own good. “But not here.”

Heeseung and you walked out of the building together, his hands’ grip tight on yours as you simply followed his lead. Your brain was spinning inside your head with the amount of thoughts going on.

You didn’t know what to expect the conversation to be, let alone what he would do with you – or what you would do with him. The anticipation was eating you alive, and you thanked God when he stopped in the private area of the campus’ parking lot, guiding you to stand in front of him while he leaned his back on the wall.

“I was not joking when I said I’ve missed you,” he started, now holding both of your hands. You took a step closer, so you could show that you weren’t lying either. “I have to ask, though. Did I–”

You interrupted before he could even start the question, because from the little you knew about Heeseung, he was going to blame himself.

“I’m sorry for my reaction that night. I– I think I was a bit overwhelmed,” you explained, focusing the drawings on his shirt to avert his eyes. “I really enjoyed kissing you, God, you have no idea,” you said with a soft laugh. “But I freaked out,” you gulped. “I freaked out because I’ve never–” Your cheeks were burning like fire due to your embarrassment, your words stuck on your throat. Heeseung gently squeezed your hands in a reassuring way, leaning a bit forward to search for your eyes. You finally looked up at him.

“I’ve– I’ve never gone further kissing someone,” your voice came out as an unsteady, low whisper, while you quickly avoided Heeseung’s gaze again. 

But he made sure you would be looking right at his eyes when he said his next words, tilting your chin up with his finger.

“I’m sorry if I put any pressure on you, angel,” and he was so, so tender to you.

His hand left yours to caress your face with a softness that almost made you melt, automatically leaning into the touch. The new nickname sent a flutter through your stomach. 

“No,” you hurried to say, shaking your head. “You didn’t. It’s just… Me. Me being an insecure mess, I guess,” you laughed awkwardly. 

“Hey, you’re not a mess,” he now held your face between his large hands, forcing you to maintain eye contact. “I loved kissing you, baby. Would love to do more than that,” he smirked, not only showing his desire, but also his understanding. His words and his actions worked in a perfect sync to make your body instantly react, the pulsing sensation between your legs showing how much you were affected by him. “But I would never force you to do anything.” He released your face, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear before his hands rested on your waist in a comforting manner. “Would it help if we talked through your insecurities?”

Heeseung was an angel, you realized. A perfect blend of a compassionate angel and a devil who fed your deepest fantasies.

You blinked twice to process his offer, not once in your life imagining you would meet someone willing to hear you so openly.

“Are you sure?” You asked, hesitantly placing your hands on his shoulders.

His lips curved into a mischievous, shameless smirk. The so known cocky, flirty aura making its appearance just to falter right away, as if he remembered it wasn’t the moment to act like that. You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head to the side when he vacillated to speak.

“Now you have to say exactly what you’re thinking.” You said firmly.

“I don’t think I sho–”

“Lee Heeseung,” your voice was serious and he sighed defeated.

“Okay, okay,” he locked his eyes on yours, a hint of playfulness and craving mixed, causing your heartbeat to increase. “Yes, I’m sure I wanna hear what you’re insecure about, Y/N,” he leaned in closer, just to murmur. “I have to know what I’ll be fucking out of you.”

Your eyes grew wide with his sincerity. Yes, you did ask, but fuck, how does one say something so casually? Your whole face was burning with fluster, your flabbergasted expression was as clear as crystal water, your brain stopped working properly and you had no fucking idea of what to say or do. 

“I’m sorr–”

But for some reason, shutting Heeseung up with a kiss sounded right.

Your lips shocked against his with a passion you never felt before. Heeseung’s words, the way he touched you, how his body reacted at the simple act of kissing you and having your hands discovering places on his body – everything made you feel secure and desired, the right mix to make it work on you.

Heeseung made his way through your shell, placing himself right before your insecurities and little by little, without doing much, he was helping you get over them.

Heeseung shamelessly moaned against your mouth when you bit his bottom lip, sucking it before coming back with your tongue hungrily searching for his, your heavy breaths mingling while you both devoured the kiss with vigor.

You parted away to speak, your voice sounding low and too sensual for Heeseung’s health. “I hope you’re loyal to your words, Heeseung.”

He took in your now darkened, full of lust, eyes and your swollen, glistened lips due to the urgent kiss you just shared. The view alone made him go insane.

“Oh, I am,” he murmured, voice deep and husky, his cocky grin making him look even hotter. He gripped your waist tightly and maneuvered your both so he could press you against the wall, placing his lips on your ear to spread a few kisses before saying, “I’m a man of my word, Y/N. And I’m gonna make sure you never doubt yourself ever again.”

You let out a small gasp and then a little whine, your lips parting and your eyes hooded as you relaxed your body, ignoring your mind screaming at you to run away, replacing the anxiety with the craving you cherished for God’s know how long. 

“I want to hear every single thought that is holding you back, and then, I’m gonna make you forget about all of them,” Heeseung’s breath was hot against your skin, just like his lips, biting, sucking, kissing every area he had at his disposal. 

“Is that a promise?” You decided to play with him on his game, knowing you had no chance against the player anyway. Nonetheless, the foreign feeling growing inside you made words come out of your mouth without you really thinking about them, and it was so fucking good.

“Yes, angel. It is a promise,” Heeseung halted his intense diving into your neck to look deep into your eyes. “But I can’t take your virginity here, in a public parking lot.”

Normally you would fumble into a chain of embarrassment and nervousness with your intimacy being said that openly. However, Heeseung managed to word it in a totally different way. His voice was low, sultry, filled with a raw desire that made you realize he still wanted you, even after you admitted inexperience. Heeseung ignited an intense fire in you.

And then you remembered. You lived in a dorm. “Don’t get me wrong,” your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling it back a little. “But I can’t take you to mine.”

His forehead rested on yours while he chuckled, a bit disappointed. But not on you. “Yeah… I can’t take you to mine, as well. Not today, though.”

“So…” You blinked innocently, not knowing exactly what to say or do. 

“We’re not finished yet, angel.”

Unfortunately for you, you realized that what made you so confident and down to go all the way with Heeseung was the fact he was with you, his smooth foreplay skillfully easing your body to relax and enjoy instead of overthinking. 

His kisses helped you to forget your concerns and his hands guided you in a way you didn’t have to worry about what to do, not to mention the fact that he was willing to have sex with you even after you shared your insecurities with him. 

When you two realized that it wasn’t going to happen that day, the heat went down and you both decided to sit in Heeseung's car to share some more kisses while chatting.

Heeseung always reassuring you through his caring – and hot – touches, listening to every word of yours with compassion dripping out of his eyes, understanding and explaining openly to you about what you were curious about.

You didn’t really open up about everything as you usually do with a friend like Sunoo, partly because you believed it would work as a huge turn off and Heeseung would leave you. But also because you recognized that a lot of your thoughts were beyond your control, like the shape or size of your breasts and other similar things.

Heeseung made sure you understood that besides anything, he would find you sexy no matter what, which made you blush and hide your face on his chest while he laughed at your reaction, but it also made you believe his words and feel more confident about sex. 

Nevertheless, through a whole week, a bunch of “do you wanna come over?” texts were dismissed with a lame excuse from you. As said before, his kisses made you ease your mind, and answering such an important question like that without having his mouth working on yours to make you forget about your messy mind, was damn difficult. 

What you didn’t know is that Heeseung wasn’t actually planning to have sex with you the times he invited you. He literally just wanted to hang out. Of course he aimed to kiss you eventually, however his main objective was to make you comfortable with him being around, touching you in places you never got to be touched before, making sure you knew how much he craved your body, how much he wanted you, and that you were safe.

It was a busy week, afterall, full of heavy practices because the final game was getting closer and your presence on the bleachers was one thing that didn’t stop happening this time.

You avoided being alone with Heeseung as much as you could, but your lips always missed him, so you had to make the tremendous effort of watching him in every practice. 

“He’s so good,” Julie whispered close to your ear, startling you.

“Who?” You asked confused.

“Your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you rushed to reply with your cheeks already gaining some color. 

“Cut that off, he’s head over heels for you, girl,” Yunjin pointed out on your other side. “It’s almost annoying.”

“Yeah, and you always have this weird look in your eyes whenever you see him,” Julie nudged you with her shoulder. “Like you’re always wanting him so bad,” she said with a forced sensual voice. “I bet the sex is amazing.”

“I don’t think you should be talking about Y/N’s sexual lif–” Sunoo tried to interrupt the subject, noticing your discomfort for being smashed between two – sometimes – very indecent girls. 

“No, but like. She never talks about it. I’m so curious,” Julie whined. “They say the quiet ones are the worst.”

The whistle indicating the last quarter of the practice was over and you jumped out of your seat, running down the stairs to meet Heeseung, not only to be with him but mostly to avoid Julie and Yunjin's inconvenient questions.

You didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell them about anything sex related, since they both were very sexually active and their actions seemed a bit off whenever you became the topic of the conversation. 

“What’s with the hurry, baby?” Heeseung smiled big while hugging you when you jumped on his arms, caring little to nothing about his sweat sticking to your skin. 

“Missed you,” you said muffled against his neck, your heart beating fast while you felt him moving you to walk on your back, still clinging onto him.

He stopped walking at some point and you let go of him.

“I gotta take a shower. I’m getting you all dirty, angel,” your cheeks burned with how you interpreted his words, widened eyes as you looked at him. Heeseung noticed it. “Hey, you dirty minded girl, I’m talking about my sweat on you,” he sneaked his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him to walk with you towards the locker room. 

“I don’t think your explanation makes it less worse.”

He laughed out loud, throwing his head back with your audacious phrase, and typically you would find it endearing how he looked so handsome smiling big. This time you paid more attention to his neck and how his Adam’s apple seemed more attractive than ever. His sweat dripping out of his honeyed skin was doing no good to you as well, messing with your head, filling it with horny thoughts.

When you arrived, you patiently waited for Heeseung outside the locker room, greeting a few team’s members you’ve come to know, since it’s become a routine for you to be around.

You were playing on your phone when he left the room, glancing at you with a pretty smile and offering you his hand.

You two walked your way to the parking lot, a common everyday thing you started doing after the days he had practice. Oftenly you would be in his car for a few minutes, sharing caresses and sweet talks, before he drove you to your dorm. 

“Will you watch me tomorrow?” He asked with sparkly, expectant eyes, swinging your arms.

“Of course I will, Captain,” you looked at his side profile. “Don’t forget, I’m the team’s lucky charm,” you winked playfully at him, remembering one of your firsts dialogues alone you shared. 

“Yeah,” he stopped walking to pull you closer by the waist, his voice softened. “And I don’t know what to do without you,” his eyes glazed on yours for a while, dripping affection.

It took just a second for his lips to find its home on yours, kissing you slow and sweet, enjoying every bit of your addicting taste.

He parted with a little smack sound, pecking your lips a few times. Your breath hitched with his tender touch. He held your hand again so you could keep walking. 

“The coach was afraid of me dating you, he said you could be a distraction to me and bla-bla-bla,” he huffed a laugh, you, on the other hand, froze. Dating? “Little did he know you’re the main reason I have a good performance. I need to impress my girl.”

You had a very shocking expression on your face when Heeseung looked at you to see why you went quietly suddenly. You stopped on your tracks and turned to him, lips parted as you blinked without saying a thing. 

“What?” Heeseung cocked his head, his bambi, confused eyes shined, trying to read you.

“We’re dating?”

“Oh,” he scratched the back of his head nervously. “I never asked yo–”

“You never asked me–” You both said at the same time and stopped, also at the same time. 

Heeseung cleared his throat and with a deep breath he rested his eyes on yours, automatically smiling.

“Well, if you’re okay with it, I’d love to call what we have dating.” He said adorably with his hand squeezing yours, “I just assumed we were on the same page, but I’m okay if you don’t want to define it or wanna talk about it more. I’m always all ears for you, Y/N.” He leaned in slightly, his eyes never leaving yours. “I mean, I just wanna be with you, and if you are fine with me calling you my girlfriend, then I’d be more than happy to call you that.”

All his words sounded like babbling to you, because that moment, in the middle of the parking lot, you heart skipped a beat as you realized you were so fucking in love with Lee Heeseung. 

You were sure you had heart eyes while staring at his anticipating expression, and you couldn’t care less. You pushed yourself forward so you could kiss him passionately, his hands coming to hold you by your jawline, moving so slowly, so lovingly, so sincerely.

It was a different kiss, it was a love kiss, a confessional kiss, a kiss you only were able to have because of its genuine intentions. 

“I’d love to call you my boyfriend, Hee,” you whispered against his mouth, smiling brightly as he shared the same expression, the same emotion.

As intense as a final game normally is, you couldn’t help but tap your feet on the ground, to the point of you standing up to pace back and forth. The rival university was ten points ahead in the fourth quarter and the minutes were ticking down.

You could see Heeseung's tensed body from afar, the seat you had helping nothing with the view of the game – you took advantage of being the captain's girlfriend to ask to watch the game from up close. But it was your worst decision so far, because you barely saw anything. 

The tension was palpable in the air, your breath caught in your throat at every pass. Your university team managed to close the gap at some point, and when you looked at the clock, the 10 seconds countdown was shining.

Your heart dropped when you saw Heeseung’s bold move of stealing the ball from one of the opposing team member, the crowd yelling as he sprinted down the court, for a fraction of seconds you catched his glance at you, before he focused fully in dribbling whoever entered his way, and then he launched himself into the air, his perfect form aiming directly for the three point line. 

Everything became slow motion as you watched the ball going straight through the hoop, the whole gym exploding with loud cheers as you yourself jumped and hugged whoever were near you with a big smile.

The whole team crowded Heeseung to celebrate, everyone of them shining big smiles but you paid attention to only one. And the said one was searching for you in the sidelines. He broke free from them to jog to you, who also was running in his direction. You jumped on his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck and he swirled you while screaming excitedly. “We did it!” 

“You did it, Hee. I knew you could do it.” You answered as happily as him, laughing with joy and tightening the hug. 

Heeseung softly landed you on the ground, his eyes gleaming with his victory. He cupped your face with his large hands, pulling you into an eagerly sweet kiss, no trophy topping the feeling of having you like that.

The cheers grew louder as everyone watched the romantic scene, however nothing seemed real around you two, lost in the bubble you’ve created. “I did it for you, angel,” he murmured against your lips, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I told you before. I have to impress my girl,” and then he kissed you again, your smiles you shared mingling between breaths and small pecks, before he hugged you tightly one more time.

The celebration went for a while. From afar, you observed Heeseung being surrounded by his friends and teammates, getting praised for his skills and how well he did that match. 

You watched from afar how bright and full of joy Heeseung was, his whole face glowing, surrounded by his friends and teammates, celebrating the win, getting showered with praise by everyone. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, and you couldn’t help but remember all the times he got flustered by your compliments, his shy smile in contrast with his darkened eyes, as if your words woke something inside him. You made a mental note to take a little advantage of that later on. 

“The guys left the house for me tonight,” Heeseung murmured as he finally approached you, already outside the building, placing his hands on your waist while yours naturally settled on his shoulders. His voice dropped to a tone only you knew the meaning of.

Instantly, your heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah?” Your voice came out low.

You took in every detail of his beautiful face, his demeanor softened since a big part of the adrenaline had left his body by now. Despite that, his eyes still sparkled with adoration and a hint of desire. Heeseung licked his lips, sucking his lower one while shifting his gaze between your mouth and your adorable, innocent, yet lustful eyes. 

“Yeah,” he mildly nodded, leaning in closer, but he unfortunately got interrupted by a voice you recognized immediately. Your eyes grew wide.

“Look at you two!” Julie squealed with a smile, clapping excitedly. “You did amazing, Heeseung.” She complimented your boyfriend giving two thumbs up, and you tried to hide your embarrassment by tilting your head towards Heeseung’s chest, who hugged you sideways. 

Yunjin, who was with Julie, nodded in agreement, also smiling. “Yeah, that last point was incredible,” she added, giving your shoulder a teasing nudge to whisper closer to you. “I bet you’re dying to get out of here, huh?”

“Thank you,” Heeseung said with a smile, while you gave an awkward grin in response to Yunjin.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Julie said with a wink. “Looks like someone’s eager for some private time.” With a final ‘goodbye’ and ‘good luck,’ Julie and Yunjin left, leaving you with an astonished, shy expression, and Heeseung with a contained mischievous grin. 

“I’m sorry about them,” you whispered, watching them go before searching for Heeseung’s eyes just to see them already glancing playfully at you.

“Are they lying, though?” Heeseung asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

You smacked his chest, unable to give a proper response as you buried your face on his neck, muffling a quiet “Stop,” while he hugged you and let it out a precious laugh.

“But… Can I take you to my place today?” His question sounded a bit hesitant, still sweet as honey, while his fingers gently caressed your back. “We don’t have to do anything, I just wanna be with you,” he added with kind eyes after you released yourself from his embrace to face him.

You nodded, “You can,” and offered him a small, genuine smile, making him lose control with your beauty and cuteness and kiss you before heading to his car with you.

The drive was calm, nonetheless your body was pretty tense on the car seat. Your brain was spinning with that night’s outcome. While you had an intense desire to finally have Heeseung the way you dreamed of, you couldn’t help but feel anxious about it too.

You craved his body, his touches, his lips, overall, him. And he had demonstrated to be a good guy so far. Heeseung respected your boundaries, always making sure you felt comfortable even with the minimal invasive touches, like when he tried to touch under your skirt one day and you startled in response.

He murmured a billion “I’m sorry’s” after the episode, and that alone had your heart fluttering in passion, allowing him to slide his bold touches wherever he wanted to, but never further enough to have you fully.

You gulped down your nervousness, looking at Heeseung’s side profile illuminated by the night lights – his honeyed skin was glowing, his black hair messy with sweat, some strands of hair sticking on his exposed forehead, his perfect nose and kissable lips, everything made you dive into your dirtiest thoughts.

You only noticed you arrived at his house when he broke the silence by announcing it, opening the door for you and grabbing your hands instantly as he led you inside the house all the way to his room.

“Imma take a quick shower, okay?” You nodded. “Make yourself comfortable. Don’t be shy.” He pecked your lips before heading to his bathroom.

You sat on the edge of his bed, analyzing how simple his room seemed to be – just the right amount of things he needed to have, like a wardrobe, a big bed and his gamer computer setup. Being in one’s room, for you, always felt like an act of intimacy itself. 

You were in the same place he changed clothes, he listened to his favorite music, he played his favorite games, he studied… And the same place he touched himself, he had sex with other persons, he had wet dreams…

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself, fidgeting your fingers even faster. Your panties got slightly dampened and your body overheated just by thinking of how close you were to Heeseung right now, although you didn’t even had him in your sight.

The sound of the shower turning off indicating he was done showering had your stomach fluttering because he was about to come out of the bathroom, and not a single soul in the earth had you prepared to face his upper body in full display to you – his toned chest, a bit red because of the hot water, being accentuated by a subtle abs, his arms muscles contracting as he dried off his hair.

Heeseung’s boxers peeked through the hem of his sweatshorts, and you swore to God you saw a single droplet of water running all the way down in his beautiful, hot, tanned skin, stopping on his V-line. 

“Are you hungry?” Heeseung’s voice broke you out of your trance, finally making you stare at his face instead of his body. He didn’t deny that your voracious eyes eating him alive sent signals directly to his dick, making it twitch inside his clothes. He watched you blink two, three, four times with an unreadable expression, making him frown. “Y/N?”

“Y–yeah?” You snapped out of your imagination of kissing, licking, sucking every part of his body, feeling his skin through your lips. Your mouth watered, but not because of hunger for food. 

“Do you wanna order a delivery or something?” Heeseung cocked his head, shamelessly checking you out as well. If you had the right to devour him with your intense gaze, he had it too, undressing you with his eyes while biting his bottom lip. 

Your skirt was placed gently on your thighs, your tight crop top evidenced your breast and a little part of your belly was being shown, all too tempting to him, eager to see more of your body.

You swallowed hard, trying to concentrate on anything but your desire of having Heeseung fucking you, failling disastrously. “Um, sure. Sounds good,” you managed to say, your voice clearly trembling as your breath got stuck in your airways.

You had to contain a whimper when Heeseung took a step closer, his towel now hanging in his shoulders as he towered you, lifting your head with two fingers holding your chin.

“What do you wanna eat, angel?” He questioned, and he was definitely not talking about food anymore at this point.

You felt the heat increase in your stomach, your body shivering with his light, warm touch, acting like it was in withdrawal of whatever he could give you. And you wished so hard for him to offer you everything. 

“I– I don’t know,” you murmured, blinking slowly, parted lips letting out your hitched breath. “What’s your suggestion?” You forced yourself to take a glance at his look, gasping slightly with how he had shifted to an almost breathtaking lascivious one, slightly hooded, serious and attractive just the right amount to make you squirm uncomfortably in your seat.

“I’m afraid my suggestion does not involve food, my love.” Heeseung’s voice dropped a few tones as he bended forward to lean closer, inches away from you, his warm air brushing against your face, his gaze savoring every single one of your reactions.

“What–” You bit your lip. “What does it involve, then?” You asked under breath, a burn sensation taking place on your cheeks as Heeseung’s grin grew. Your pulse increased in the silent, yet full of unspoken desires, room. 

“Well,” he murmured, eyes almost closing as he got closer and closer, lips now touching lightly yours, as he said “I might have to show you. Would you let me?”

Your answer came through actions, your hands quickly took place on his neck and pulled him down to you, tossing the towel to the floor while your mouth chased for his’, desperate for a kiss. It took Heeseung just seconds to react to your intensity, kindly pushing you to lay down on the bed as you tried to keep your lips occupied while moving upwards in a comfortable position; Heeseung crawling on the mattress, never daring to break out the touch.

His fingers dug into your waist while his other arm supported his weight, grinding slowly against your body, pressing his hardened cock on your clothed cunt in order to get any friction he could. A moan escaped your lips, muffled by the kiss, as the heat between your bodies intensified, the thought of causing that reaction in Heeseung making you feel even hotter, more impatient, more desperate for anything he was giving you.

His mouth was working wonders – hot, skilled, passionate as he sucked your tongue, his little groans getting lost in the middle of the kiss. At the same time your fingers brushed his naked chest, his hands infiltrated under your shirt, and your body instantly reacted to the feel of his warm and smooth skin on yours.

Though Heeseung had waited for what felt like ages to have you underneath him like that, he was aware of your insecurities and the fact that it was your first time. Despite how your body responded to his touch, he knew that taking it slow was the right choice, so he made sure you felt safe and cherished as he savored every second. 

Heeseung unhurried his movements, gently parting the kiss to catch his breath and taking the opportunity to enjoy the view – your parted, glistened and swollen-kissed lips, your hooded eyes, hiding your lust behind them, but showing him adoration. He smiled, placing a sweet, tender kiss on your jawline, downing to your neck and collarbone, getting drunk on your scent with his lips trailing kind and lascivious touches on your skin.

You grabbed his hair with your hands, pulling Heeseung even closer to your body – as if it was possible – in a way of distracting the anxiety building up on your core. But then you pushed him away, and he showed you a confused gaze. 

You smiled shyly and moved your hands so you could undress yourself from your shirt and toss it onto the floor, revealing part of your gorgeous body to his eyes, your breasts placed in your black bra attracting his attention.

“You’re beautiful,” Heeseung whispered, filled with sincerity and care, looking at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world, the most cherished treasure he ever had, with the perfect mix of desire, eyes dripping the need of having more of you.

His touches were light as he traced his fingers from your waist all the way to your clothed boobs, his eyes never leaving yours, taking in every little reaction, every little sound. He paused to ask tenderly.

“Can I take these off?” And when you nodded and helped him to remove your bra, he smiled, not holding back his delighted sigh at the sight of your pretty and hardened nipples.

You felt exposed and your cheeks flushed with a dark ton of red, you had nowhere to hide so you just let Heeseung adore you, until his mouth placed kisses near your breasts, giving you time to assimilate that new experience.

You couldn’t hold back an audible gasp when his lips brushed your sensitive bud, his hot tongue swirling it to suck right after, not too intense, not too light, just the right amount, as if he knew exactly what to do with your body to make you go insane.

“Hee–” you moaned his name when he drifted away to give the proper attention to your other boob while his hand massaged the already a bit swollen one.

The sound of your voice whining Heeseung’s name sent a wave of electricity all over his body, directly to his neglected dick. While he kept going down with his mouth through your belly until he reached the hem of your skirt, he humped slightly on whatever could give him some friction on his sensitive bulge.

He halted his movements when he achieved your inner thighs to look at you with reassuring eyes and a soft smile.

“Tell me to stop if you want me to,” his lips kissed the area and you tensened your legs, not used to being touched in there. However, if it felt too good and in no world you wanted Heeseung to stop.

“I trust you, Hee.”

And Heeseung couldn’t ask for a better way of you saying what he needed to hear. He kept placing hot kisses on your thighs and you bent your knee, the position giving him the full view of your ruined panties, a pool of arousal making it stick to your cunt, the drawing of your folds making its personal show right in front of his eyes.

Heeseung’s mouth watered. He remembered every time he imagined being buried between your legs and, God, he didn’t know if he would be able to hold himself down on this one.

“Would you be okay if I–” He gulped, searching for your eyes, which were already glancing at his drunk-looking figure with curiosity. You never saw that expression on Heeseung’s face, and for some reason it made your clit pulse, walls clenching around nothing. “If I eat you out? You can say no if you don’t feel comfortable doing it on your first time, but I would appreciat–”

“I meant it when I said I trust you.”

You cut off his ramble for two reasons: one, because you weren’t prepared to hear his speech that would pretty much make you feel even more embarrassed; two, you were desperate for some relieve, your body literally aching in desire to feel your release, and if his hot mouth and tongue felt that good on your skin, you shivered just by the thought of having them on your sensitive area.

“Thank you,” Heeseung sounded really relieved that you accepted his request. “I’ll remove your skirt, is that okay?” He asked softly and you nodded, hands gripping on the sheets without knowing much more what to do.

Heeseung tossed your clothing piece on the floor, and when he was about to prepare himself to dive into your pussy, you grabbed his hair. He instantly stopped what he was doing, his heart did a flip with the thought of you giving up on your words, although he would obey whatever your decision was. 

But when he looked at you, he noticed your shy smile. “Can you remove your shorts too?”

He let out a little chuckle, “Of course,” and stood up to do what you asked so adorably for him to do.

You enjoyed the view of his dick hard inside his, now, tightened boxers. You wondered if he would fit in you, but you didn’t have time to think much of it as he went back to his position, gaze shifting between your clothed cunt and your anxious eyes.

“Are you okay, princess? Remember, you can always ask me to stop.”

“Yes, Hee. I’m okay,” your voice came out between hitched breaths. “Please, do something, it’s hurting,” you pleaded with a little whine, and that was the green sign for Heeseung to sigh and groan by the sight of you, needy of his mouth on your pussy. 

He placed a delicate kiss right on your clothed clit, simply for you to feel comfortable with your area being touched for the first time. Heeseung heard your little moan before losing himself in his mind, distributing hot touches with his lips all over the area. 

He then removed your last piece of cloth, the view of your pussy in full display made him swallow hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he did so, his cock throbbing inside his boxers.

You had your eyes closed, trying to ignore the fact you were very exposed, to focus on the amazing feeling of Heeseung’s hot breath directly where you needed him the most. You moaned when his tongue licked experimentally your folds. 

Heeseung slipped his hands under your legs to hold you in a position he gained a better support and kept you open for him as he worked on your cunt. 

Your sweet taste melted on his mouth as he ate you out willingly, the tip of his nose brushing on your sensitive clit as he skillfully moved his head to stimulate you in as many areas as he could – his tongue teasing to enter in your entrance, the foreign feeling making you squirm in a bit of a discomfort that quickly waved out of your body because of how good your clit being stimulated was making you feel.

It was a mix of sensations you never really felt; you had touched yourself before, but nothing compares to Heeseung’s amazing mouth and tongue licking, sucking and making out with your pussy. You could feel the knot forming on your stomach as you tensed your body. 

“Heeseung,” you moaned a bit loud. “I think I’m close–” 

Heeseung broke out of the trance he got himself into to listen to you, afterall he wanted to take care of you.

“I want you to cum on my mouth, is that okay princess?” He asked between little pecks and licks on your folds and clit. You nodded, not knowing exactly if he was seeing you do so.

“Could you look at me, angel?” He questioned, his voice sounding too sweet to the lustful view he was offering you. Hair stuck on his forehead, nose and chin glistened with your arousal. “There you go,” he smirked before diving again into your pussy, his eyes now never leaving your face, even when you rolled your eyes and threw your head back, trying hard to keep with his request.

Your orgasm hit almost instantly, the mix of his devilish looks and how he ate you so passionately worked together for you to achieve your release in his mouth, Heeseung drinking not only your juices, but all of your moans and whines. 

He left the area after pecking two, three, four times, and then trailed kisses through your body until he reached the corner of your mouth, watching you breathing heavily with a small smile adorning your lips. 

Heeseung decided not to kiss you right away, not only giving you time to recompose but also avoiding you to feel the taste of yourself in his tongue. He loved you for a while, gently brushing his lips on your skin, kissing once and a while, until he felt your hands caressing his hair, tenderly. 

“Are you alright?” Heeseung questioned after a while, searching for your eyes.

“Mhm,” you nodded lazily. However, you knew it wasn’t the end, and mostly, you wanted more. 

“Do you want to stop?” He caressed your face, moving away some strands of your hair. You shook your head, mischievously smiling. You could feel his still clothed dick literally twitching on your leg, and although your last orgasm was intense and you got a bit tired, you needed to have him even closer to you.

“You are hard as hell, Hee,” you giggled, catching his eyes darkening again. “And I need to feel you inside of me,” you looked at his lips before pulling him down to kiss you properly.

As earlier, the urgency of the touch grew faster and faster, and Heeseung had to remind himself once more that he needed to go slow.

He parted the kiss just to ask with a serious voice “Are you sure about this?” 

“More than anything in my life, Hee. I want you,” you gently caressed his cheek, smiling when he pecked your lips before getting on his feet to finally remove his last clothing piece, revealing his whole body to you.

You swallowed when his dick jumped out of his boxers, throbbing, covered in precum, all because of you. You whined with the view, propping yourself up on your elbows when he got closer to your face since he had to get a condom in his nightstand. Your hand automatically rushed to grab his length, peeking up at his face at the right time to catch his face contorted in shock and then, pleasure.

“Fuck, baby,” he moaned, enjoying the warmth of your skin on his neglected, sensitive cock. It was clear you didn’t know exactly what to do, but the movement of going up and down was enough to make Heeseung’s knees weak. He was weak for you, afterall.

Heeseung let you try out whatever crossed your mind and enjoy yourself for a bit, because it meant you were comfortable enough with him to do so, and your endeared and erotic gaze hypnotized him too strongly for him to stop you.

He made sure to moan your name, watching your body reacting to it, trying his best to make you get wet again and make things easier later. He wasn’t faking it, though. Your hands really were doing wonders on his shaft – he watched you positioning yourself to sit on your knees, face with a faint focused frown as you cupped his tip, moving your hand in circles.

Heeseung rolled his eyes, the sensitive area of his dick getting the attention he needed was sending him out of orbit, and you were using just your hands. 

“You– You have to stop,” he said as he gently held your wrist, halting your movements. His closed eyes prevented him from noticing your guilty expression, until he heard your voice.

“Sorry,” you murmured quietly, thinking you have done something wrong.

“No, baby. It’s not– I almost came,” he admitted. You didn’t know simple words could make your body heat that fast, your stomach instantly did a flip with his sincere confession. 

Heeseung’s lips met yours right away, his body leaning forward so you both could go back to the previous position. 

He placed himself in between your open legs, his gaze softening as he watched your anxious face. “I’m going to prepare you,” he explained with a low voice, kissing your neck as his hands went down to find your folds, touching you to collect your arousal and use it to lubricate his finger, “Don’t forget, your word is what guides me.”

Your body fully tensed when he pressed his digit near your entrance, “Relax, my love,” he murmured and kissed your cheek and then your lips. Your heart fluttered with the pet name. “I’ve got you, okay?”

You nodded, closing your eyes tightly, afraid of the pain you were so sure you would feel, however, Heeseung’s light touches on your sensitive area and the kisses he spread over your face got you distracted, almost making you miss when he slid a finger inside you. Your breath got stuck on your throat and he didn’t move, waiting for your body to adjust to the new intruder. 

“I’ve never– I’ve never ever put anything inside me before, so it’s all new,” you admitted, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief for verbalizing your discomfort. 

“Yeah? You’re doing great, angel.” Heeseung encouraged, gently pulling his finger out while kissing you. You squirmed, a bit uncomfortable. “Such a good girl for me, mhm?” 

His wording caused you to clench involuntarily around his finger, a reaction that didn’t went unnoticed by Heeseung. He kept kindly pumping his single finger inside you, teasing to add one more as you whined against his mouth, while he whispered sweet words of encouragement.

“You feel so amazing,” Heeseung said, and something popped into his mind. He decided to test the waters with a dirtier talk, his hot breath tickling your ear. “I can’t wait to feel you around me, so tight and wet,” he kissed your earlobe, his husky voice and words making you whole body shiver, “I promise, Y/N, I’ll make you feel so good,” his teeth nibbled your sensitive spot on your neck and you slightly arched your back, moaning, not even noticing when his second finger entered you.

You were panting a bit, messily whining and squirming, your fingers threaded through his hair, gripping it firmly, forcing him into your neck.

“You’re so tight, I don’t think I’ll last long when I get inside you,” Heeseung sounded muffled, loving the way you squeezed even more around his digits. “Can you feel how my fingers stretch you so well, baby?” His question sounded rhetorical to you, because it was obvious you felt the way he stretched you so amazingly good, your toes curling just by that. 

“Hee, please–” You pleaded not quite sure what you were asking for, but your eyes locked onto his with a desperate need. His fingers worked so perfectly inside you, making you wonder how you could be so close to tearing, yearning for his dick, which you never ever had before. 

Heeseung grinned, eyes dripping with desire and fondness, wandering your whole body as he removed his digits from you.

“My baby seems a bit desperate, doesn't she?” He teased, chuckling. You watched as he coated his dick with a condom, jerking it off with the precum he collected before to prepare himself for you, never breaking eye contact. He leaned closer. “Don’t worry, I’m just as desperate as you are, my love,” and with that he positioned his tip in your entrance.

You tensed again, but Heeseung's sharp instincts caught the subtle change in your reaction. To help you relax, he covered one of your nipples with his mouth, warm lips sucking the sensitive area, making you moan. His body pressed into yours distracting you from the pain as well.

“Ah–” you gasped, frowning with a flicker of discomfort as he slid his dick inside you; your hands grabbed his shoulders, squeezing with a certain strength as you tried to get over the burning feeling in your cunt.

Heeseung was on the verge of insanity, his sensitive cock aching with your walls tightening around it, so eager for some more friction. He had to dig self control from the deepest place of his mind in order to keep going. 

“Shh. I’ve got you, my love,” he kissed your wrist, and then your shoulder, and then your neck, and then your cheeks, and finally your lips, while slowly getting himself fully inside of you, moaning as he did so. “You drive me crazy,” he murmured against your lips, loving how messy you were kissing him, your expression changing little by little from a discomfortable to a pleasant one. 

Heeseung remained still for a moment, making out with you while waiting for your body to adjust to his dick. You gently waved your hips forward with a little groan at some point, a silent plea to get more of what he was offering you, and he got the sign immediately. 

With a tender smile and after pressing his lips in yours once more, Heeseung began to move, thrusting into you with a necessary slowness at first, that became unneeded the second you started to feel only the delight of being full.

His tip rubbed a certain spot in you that made you flutter your eyes shut while rolling them, moaning loud.

“You liked that, angel?” He asked, desperate to pound harder and faster onto you, still controlling himself. “Tell me, please,” he looked at your lips parted, his name being the only thing coming out of them.

“Y–yes, Hee. It’s so fucking good– Ah,” you threw your head back in the pillow, his response to your compliment making him thrust deeper. “You feel so good, fuck.”

Needless to say that your praise to Heeseung’s work was enough for him to almost fully lose his inner battle of going easier with you. His head rested beside yours and while his movements grew faster, your voice got louder and louder; your fingernails sinking into the skin of his back, his moan close to your ear making you see stars with the overwhelming feeling. 

“I’m close,” you whispered, feeling the known knot on your stomach growing stronger as Heeseung kept pounding into your g-spot. You opened your eyes to lock eyes with him, who already had positioned himself to do the same – both of you wanting to see each other reaching their respective climax. 

“Come for me, princess,” he demanded with a groan. “Show me how good I’m making you feel.”

The view of Heeseung’s forehead damped in sweat with strand of hairs sticking to it, his parted lips every so often being bit by his teeth while letting out the prettiest sounds and his heavy breaths, his eyes showing your affection, desire, urgency in achieving his own release, and his dirty words, all of it blended together, worked perfectly for you to achieve your orgasm.

A strong wave of desperation and pleasure ran over your body and took you milliseconds to cum all over Heeseung’s dick with a loud moan, your pussy tightening harder around his cock while he drove you through your high at the same time he chased for his own. 

“Fuck,” Heeseung moaned, keeping thrusting faster and faster, a frown of concentration adorning his forehead and then he saw you, pretty face contorted in pleasure, your mouth letting out the hottest moans of his name. You felt his cum filling up the condom inside you the same time he moaned your name, making you hiss while he pumped into you a bit more. Eventually he removed himself from you, flopping into your body, tired. 

You thought you just had hit cloud nine with the amount of joy and excitement running inside you. A sense of realization making you smile brightly. You enjoyed the sound of your respirations working its best to recompose itself and Heeseung’s heartbeats against your chest.

“I have to say,” your voice came out a bit husky as you lovingly caressed Heeseung’s sweaty back. “Now I do accept the food.”

You heard Heeseung chuckle on your neck, before he kissed there and then your lips. “Yeah, me too.”

The morning after your first night together with Heeseung was filled with doubts.

After the sex, you both got cleaned up and ate the said delivery while watching something on the tv.

Obviously Heeseung didn’t let you go back to your dorm, needing to feel your warm embrace as much as possible. So you two slept together on his big bed, cuddling.

But then you woke up earlier than him, and you took your sweet time to appreciate his serene expression, deep in his sleep – his soft breath, his pretty eyelashes, his slightly parted lips. You sighed, a weird feeling eating away you inside, afraid of being left alone after the last night.

What if he said all of that just to have you one time? What if he did all he did just for that moment to happen? What if he didn’t really mean any of his words? What if he didn’t enjoyed it the way you did?

“What’s with the frown?”

You startled with Heeseung’s groggy voice breaking the silence of the room. “Nothing,” you awkwardly smiled and of course Heeseung didn’t buy it.

“Tell me,” he blinked slowly to focus on your pretty face, snuggling his body into yours. “Tell me what’s going on in this pretty head of yours, my love.”

You gulped, heart racing with his new way of calling you. 

Love.

You got lost in your mind for a while before asking “Will you leave me now?” The question came out a bit more stupid than you expected, but at the same time, it was sincere. 

Heeseung propped himself up on his elbow to give you a proper look. He removed the hair from your face with a gentle touch, caressing your cheeks with the same amount of care. His voice sounded low. “No,” he shook his head, eyes full of adoration, endearment, and love. “I’ll not leave you. Actually, I’m even more attached to you, my love,” his, oh, so known smirk tugged the corner of his lips. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”

You hurried to shake your head, taking in every detail of his pretty features. 

“Then I’m staying, and I’ll be taking anything you offer to me,” Heeseung kissed your lips in a different way. Slow, tender, filled with this new emotion – love.

You parted the kiss to look into his sparkly eyes, smiling.

“Then I offer you my everything, Heeseung.”

[prokopetz]

Early cyberpunk has this tension between framing a well-argued skepticism of body modification rooted in concerns about bodily autonomy and corporate ownership of human bodies, and being really shitty about actual disabled people because it was predominantly written by able-bodied folks who knew fuck-all about disability advocacy and treated all that bodily autonomy stuff as a metaphor for the artist's loss of intellectual freedom under the corporate state.

I look at folks on this site pulling the whole "well ACTUALLY having cool robot arms would suck because they'd be based on proprietary technology which would be used to exploit you, and then the owners would stop supporting it and you'd be left to slowly die" routine while clearly intending it purely as an ideological gotcha against cartoons they don't like and neither understanding nor caring that they're literally just describing the daily life of anyone whose chronic medical condition is managed by patented drugs, and I'm thinking "wow, forty years and we haven't learned a damn thing".

[lets-steal-an-archive]

By Bernie Sanders | July 13, 2024

I will do all that I can to see that President Biden is re-elected. Why? Despite my disagreements with him on particular issues, he has been the most effective president in the modern history of our country and is the strongest candidate to defeat Donald Trump — a demagogue and pathological liar. It’s time to learn a lesson from the progressive and centrist forces in France who, despite profound political differences, came together this week to soundly defeat right-wing extremism.

I strongly disagree with Mr. Biden on the question of U.S. support for Israel’s horrific war against the Palestinian people. The United States should not provide Benjamin Netanyahu’s right-wing extremist government with another nickel as it continues to create one of the worst humanitarian disasters in modern history.

I strongly disagree with the president’s belief that the Affordable Care Act, as useful as it has been, will ever address America’s health care crisis. Our health care system is broken, dysfunctional and wildly expensive and needs to be replaced with a “Medicare for all” single-payer system. Health care is a human right.

And those are not my only disagreements with Mr. Biden.

But for over two weeks now, the corporate media has obsessively focused on the June presidential debate and the cognitive capabilities of a man who has, perhaps, the most difficult and stressful job in the world. The media has frantically searched for every living human being who no longer supports the president or any neurologist who wants to appear on TV. Unfortunately, too many Democrats have joined that circular firing squad.

Yes. I know: Mr. Biden is old, is prone to gaffes, walks stiffly and had a disastrous debate with Mr. Trump. But this I also know: A presidential election is not an entertainment contest. It does not begin or end with a 90-minute debate.

Enough! Mr. Biden may not be the ideal candidate, but he will be the candidate and should be the candidate. And with an effective campaign taht speaks to the needs of working families, he will not only defeat Mr. Trump but beat him badly. It’s time for Democrats to stop the bickering and nit-picking.

I understand that some Democrats get nervous about having to explain the president’s gaffes and misspeaking names. But unlike the Republicans, they do not have to explain away a candidate who now has 34 felony convictions and faces charges that could lead to dozens of additional convictions, who has been hit with a $5 million judgment after he was found liable in a sexual abuse case, who has been involved in more than 4,000 lawsuits, who has repeatedly gone bankrupt and who has told thousands of documented lies and falsehoods.

Supporters of Mr. Biden can speak proudly about a good and decent Democratic president with a record of real accomplishment. The Biden administration, as a result of the American Rescue Plan, helped rebuild the economy during the pandemic far faster than economists thought possible. At a time when people were terrified about the future, the president and those of us who supported him in Congress put Americans back to work, provided cash benefits to desperate parents and protected small businesses, hospitals, schools and child care centers.

After decades of talk about our crumbling roads, bridges and water systems, we put more money into rebuilding America’s infrastructure than ever before — which is projected to create millions of well-paying jobs. And we did not stop there. We made the largest-ever investment in climate action to save the planet. We canceled student debt for nearly five million financially strapped Americans. We cut prices for insulin and asthma inhalers, capped out-of-pocket costs for prescription drugs and got free vaccines to the American people. We battled to defend women’s rights in the face of moves by Trump-appointed jurists to roll back reproductive freedom and deny women the right to control their own bodies.

So, yes, Mr. Biden has a record to run on. A strong record. But he and his supporters should never suggest that what’s been accomplished is sufficient. To win the election, the president must do more than just defend his excellent record. He needs to propose and fight for a bold agenda that speaks to the needs of the vast majority of our people — the working families of this country, the people who have been left behind for far too long.

At a time when the billionaires have never had it so good and when the United States is experiencing virtually unprecedented income and wealth inequality, over 60 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, real weekly wages for the average worker have not risen in over 50 years, 25 percent of seniors live each year on $15,000 or less, we have a higher rate of childhood poverty than almost any other major country, and housing is becoming more and more unaffordable — among other crises.

This is the wealthiest country in the history of the world. We can do better. We must do better. Joe Biden knows that. Donald Trump does not. Joe Biden wants to tax the rich so that we can fund the needs of working families, the elderly, the children, the sick and the poor. Donald Trump wants to cut taxes for the billionaire class. Joe Biden wants to expand Social Security benefits. Donald Trump and his friends want to weaken Social Security. Joe Biden wants to make it easier for workers to form unions and collectively bargain for better wages and benefits. Donald Trump wants to let multinational corporations get away with exploiting workers and ripping off consumers. Joe Biden respects democracy. Donald Trump attacks it.

This election offers a stark choice on issue after issue. If Mr. Biden and his supporters focus on these issues — and refuse to be divided and distracted — the president will rally working families to his side in the industrial Midwest swing states and elsewhere and win the November election. And let me say this as emphatically as I can: For the sake of our kids and future generations, he must win.

Bernie Sanders is the senior senator from Vermont.

[drdemonprince]

Most healthcare institutions will resort to physical force, restraint, drugs, guilt, theft of personal property, forced nudity, and denial of privacy in the pursuit of prolonging a life. This despite the heaps of scientific evidence showing involuntary hospitalization increases distress and the desire for suicide. Being held in a psychiatric institution has been shown to raise a person’s risk of suicide by 100 fold — including among patients who weren’t suicidal before they got locked up. That’s largely because of the trauma of losing one’s freedom.

Suicidal intention is at its root a longing for escape — and you don’t ease that longing by giving a person more to escape from. 

But there are alternatives. It actually is possible to respect the bodily freedom of a suicidal person while still providing them comfort and aid that could prolong their life. We can make peace with our inability to control another person’s destiny and mourn the potential loss of them while sitting with them in their suffering. 

We don’t have to run away from our own hopelessness and thoughts of suicide while we do this. either. And we may find that frank, accepting, and even mundane discussions of suicide will do both us and our suicidal friends a whole lot of good. 

For this piece, I spoke to dozens of suicidal people, read harm reductionist guides on supporting the suicidal, examined the psychological research literature on the subject, and mined my own life experiences for any wisdom I could find. Based on all these resources, here is my advice for supporting people who are suicidal — no matter what. 

I wrote a big long guide to supporting the suicidal, which you can read (or have narrated to you!) for free here.

[chrome-barkz-aac]

i made this instagram post !!! there isn't as big of a community of AAC users on instagram so I thought I would share this on my instagram (@cytochromesea).

EDIT: i got an ask that states that not everyone knows what AAC is which is an oversight on my part, it stands for alternative and augmentative communication!

Image ID:

A light blue background with a rainbow and a cloud and some stars. There is a blue border collie with wings holding an aac tablet that says I love you! Text reads: AAC etiquette. Do’s, Don’ts, and other stuff. By cytochrome sea.

The same background appears in every following slide. Text reads:

AAC is my voice! It is not a toy or accessory

Don’t touch my AAC without my permission

Don’t take my AAC away from me, for any reason (joke, punishment, etc)

Don’t press buttons randomly or flip through my communication cards without permission

How would you like it if I randomly poked you on the mouth and throat (or on your hands if you sign)? It would be unpleasant, so don’t do that to me

Some AAC users can speak sometimes. It is not your business why someone can or cannot talk

Don’t ask questions about why an AAC user cannot speak. 

Do let us communicate however is best for us in that moment

Don’t ask us if or when we will be able to speak verbally. It’s not your business 

Do not value verbal speech more highly than AAC. Any communication is good communication

Some of us never talk, either, and that’s ok! Those of us who can talk sometimes are not better than those of us who can’t. None of us owe you an explanation for our use of AAC.

Don’t look at my screen until I show you. It feels really invasive!

It feels like when someone is looking at your phone screen over your shoulder, so please don’t do this

This applies to low tech AAC as well, don’t look at someone’s cards or letter board until they show you

You have the dignity of forming your thoughts in your head before you say them, whereas my thoughts are all on display. Please afford me the same dignity that you get automatically.

Don’t shame someone for not being able to speak verbally. It makes us feel horrible

We are real people with thoughts and feelings. Please treat us with kindness. 

We are trying our best

Don’t shame someone if their device mispronounces a word. It’s quite literally out of our control.

Other Don’ts. Don’t

Don't Treat an AAC user as childish or stupid for not being able to speak. Our ability to speak does not define our worth

Don't Show frustration at the way someone communicates

Don't Make comments about how fast or slow we communicate

Also don’t…

don't Act surprised when we swear or talk about adult topics like sex, drugs, or violence. We are not pure uwu precious smol beans, we are normal fucking people

don't Assume what is “wrong” with us. There are about a hundred reasons for someone to use AAC and you probably aren’t the expert in any of them.

“OK, so what CAN i do?” im glad you asked! When interacting with an AAC user, DO…

Ask us how we prefer to communicate and support us as you are able

Assume that we are competent

Talk to us with the same respect, tone and vocabulary that you would for any one else

Give us money (this one is a joke)

Understand that AAC grammar isn’t perfect and we are doing our best

Is it rude if…

I can’t understand your device? Not rude! Misunderstandings happen all the time in any conversation, just be patient as you would normally. 

I want to complement your AAC? Not rude!

I ask to see your AAC and understand how it works? This isn’t rude if you are already talking about AAC, but don’t ask random strangers this. They don’t owe you an AAC tour. 

Thank you for listening! This post is for the community! If you are an AAC user, let me know if I missed something in the comments and I will pin it! I hope you are filled with peace and love and I hope something good happens to you today! End ID.