#suffering the consequences of selfish love

[reasonablywittyatbest]

See the thing is that, while this may be true of some Republicans and Trump supporters it's not true of all or even most of them I would bet. This is the wrong approach, this is labeling them all inhane monsters we can brush off. Much of my family supports Trump and I've had to watch that and live with it and I have another hypothesis.

When a Democrat is in power Republicans don't really suffer, nothing bad happens to them. They experience no changes or even benefit! Sure they get mad or annoyed etc. But overall, nothing bad happens to them. They never really suffer. And that's good! That's why we vote liberal! To lessen suffering!

But what it means is they see all these democrats losing thier mind, angry, devastated, etc etc and they can't understand it. They just think eh, nothing actually bad is going to happen they will just be mad/annoyed/etc. They cannot wrap thier mind around the idea that a republican president etc is going to genuinely hurt and kill people.

Being a republican DOES require you to be extremely self centered and unable to see the world from another's perspective. This is obviously a very bad thing.

But they're not all abusive monsters who want to see people cry blah blah blah. They're humans. Just like all of us. And if we're going to change society for the better, we need to understand them. Genuinely understand them. We need to look into the horrors to understand how to stop the.

And yes, my knee jerk reaction is that I also wish all Trump supporters drop dead simultaneously including my family. But our knee jerk reactions are not a good basis to run a society on.

I'm not saying thier family and friends shouldn't ditch them. There are consequences to actions. That's fine.

But we Cannot start down this road. It will not lead us were we want to go. They're not all blurhurhur I love the tears of snowflakes hur hur online poisoned outright douchebags. They're real humans. They're nice and polite when you provide them service. They're your family that helped you when you were homeless and couldn't afford the price of moving into a new place. They're just. People. Insanely selfish and self centered people, but not inhuman monsters. People we need to find a way to reach. Somehow.

[theangrycomet-art]

The Almanac is a very... interesting read

I have... opinions on some of the behind the scenes world building and what they had planned with S4 (it makes me a little glad the show ended where it did... writers it's bad enough you offed Prowl when you could have had restoring the Allspark be the Key's purpose instead of upgrading Sari- but then to further split up the team whyyyyy)

Anyway, here's Blitzwing and my take on him before the Triple-Changer experiment was done to him against his will and his former partner the cold hearted bitch who did it to him, also pre-op.

COMMISSIONS OPEN

Ramblings (no really- RAMBLINGS) below: I wanted to make this a comic but the Art wasn't Arting

TLDR: Lancer and Blitzwing were taken as prisoners of war by the autobots and Lancer made a lot of bad decisions to try and save his life within they circumstances which directly led to him becoming the first triple changer.

It's a little more complicated than this but basically Blitzwing (then known as Kaltwing) was hurt REALLY bad when he and Lancer were trying to retrieve the Allspark-about partway through the war. Like- missing his legs- wings ripped off- half his face blasted off bad.

So Lancer, or Himmel Lancer as she was then called, tried to put him back together with what she had on hand because she was not about to let her best friend go OFFLINE. This resulted in her basically frankenstein-ing him parts from a fallen tank decepticon's corpse as well as her own parts to try and keep him online.Most notably her own T-cog, as his was damaged and forcing him to attempt to transform at random. Because they were the same Frame type it was compatible enough to stabilize it when she fused the two ports.

Unfortunately, this still left him in extreme agony as Lancer was a RESEARCHER, not a Medic by any streatch of the word. It was one of those times he was pleading with her to offline him that they were caught by Autobots. With Blitzwing barley able to move and Lancer unable to transform, they were fish in a barrel.

The Autobots, after surgically stripping Lancer of ALL her weapons and installing a "contingency clause" protocol, allowed her to continue Blitzwing's "treatment" as well as forcing her to continue such experiments on other captured ‘cons. Many were curious to see where this "project" would go, even if most wouldn't openly agree to it themselves.

This went on for years with Blitzwing being their geniua pig until they reached the final straw for both of the former seekers.

Through a string of luck and incompetence, Lancer managed to achieve the two's original goal and stole the All-Spark right from under Ultra Magnus' nose. She was hoping it would reverse the damage she's done to him, and possibly restore herself in the process, but she was interrupted when the gaurds caught up with her and the contingency clause protocols activated and began frying her from the inside out.

While she was able to stabilize Blitzwing before all this and relieve him of the physical pain he'd been under, it came at cost. Between his fritzing original T-cog and the trauma of having endless, painful operations at the hands of his friend and subsequent the poor treatment from Autobots, his mind broke under the Allsparks "upgrades"z

During the chaos, he manages to break free and slaughters everyone in the facility including Lancer (at least he thought so). He was trying to grant her the clean death she refused him.

(Ironically enough, this damaged her enough for the protocols to think she'd offlined, and thus deactivate on their own).

He escapes back to the decepticons empty-handed and scary the shit out of everyone while Lancer is left to deal with the remaining wrath of the autobots.

[thefearfulheart]

I offer another clownbo au to the clownbo people again

God Evbo keeps restarting the timeline because something ends up happening to Void that ends up with him dying each time and it breaks Evbo every time it happens.

So he thinks that if he can restart the timeline again that he’ll be able to fix it, that he can stop it before it happens so he does it and he’s back at square one as a noob but with the power of a god at his fingertips and he races back to the top and his first meeting with Void. Relief washes over him as he sees him and he ends up hugging a confused Void who has no idea what’s going but assumes that Evbo is just happy that he didn’t die in general.

Everything goes as it did in the original timeline and it’s great! Evbo even ends up solving things way quicker and getting it all done so much faster than beforehand! The only thing that really threw him off is when during when they went through the hidden level again that when he met the Parkour Villain it ended up with the guy looking at him for an uncomfortable amount of time before actually getting out of his prison and just saying:

“So we meet again.”

Which confuses Evbo and he doesn’t even notice that Seawatt ends up swiping his diamond boots again while he doesn’t notice and giving them to the Villain.

But he ignores it and goes to find him again and defeat the villain.

And he wins.

Then everything is good and great for awhile…Void is alive and breathing and smiling and-

And then he dies.

So evbo tries again.

Because he failed Void, so he needs to try again for him.

So he starts again and climbs his way to the top to see Void again and then continues on towards to meeting the Villain but this time no words are exchanged.

Everything proceeds as normal until the final parkour race between them…and the course has changed.

But Evbo pushes it back and defeats the Villain again.

And everything is good again.

But Void dies and he restarts the timeline to save him.

And again and again. A rinse and repeat cycle that always end with Void dying and begins with Evbo restarting as the villain, perhaps tiredly, stays silent the entire time as it goes through with the only variations being changes to the end parkour course.

It’s a maddening cycle and Evbo feels his sanity slipping bit by bit.

Maybe in the 50th loop or so the villain finally snaps and grabs Evbo by the shoulders with such a rage that it surprises the god.

“Is this some divine punishment of yours that you crafted for me?” The villain would say as his fingers dig into the other’s skin. “To know that I will never win against you…that no matter how hard I try to defeat you that it is just a laughable joke in the end!”

“W-what?” Evbo is just…surprised even though it makes a lot more sense on why the villain changed over time or that the course he beats him in changes. “N-no! How?-“

“How many times have I seen your face? How many times have I died by your hands…”

And the villain just throws him onto the ground with barely hidden anger as Evbo scrambles to…apologies? He doesn’t know.

He didn’t know that someone else…he didn’t know. He doesn’t know what to say.

So he just restarts the timeline and runs away from it as guilt crawls its way to his heart.

But he doesn’t stop it. He’s already gone to far and it’s fine…it’s just a fluke right?

It can’t happen again.

But the next time the villain sees him and, the minute he gets down from his prison, he jumps on top of him and goes to punch him before Evbo restarts the timeline with the realisation that no…it wasn’t a fluke. That it definitely did happen and it now makes everything so much more worse.

It makes him want to vomit.

[cougar-crossing]

Literally being a parasite is so fun

[age736]

For the Greater Good

Perhaps you do not believe what you are doing can truly be classified as evil. Perhaps some people will be hurt from the immediate consequences of your actions, but what the masses fail to see is the immense good that will come of your plans. Maybe you act in the name of science, or for your people who have fallen on great tragedy. Maybe you see cracks in a failing system and want to uproot it through chaotic, destructive means to avoid greater tragedy down the line. Maybe you're just in with a bad crowd, but you can't leave them, no matter how unsavory their intentions, because they're your only ticket to your ultimate goals. No matter what, your goals are noble, and you take no joy in wreaking havoc or hurting those in your way, but the evils you partake in are necessary. If you need to play the bad guy to ensure a better future, then you are willing to play that part.

tagged by: @acoldsovereign tagging: idk take it if u wanna

[khattikeri]

jimmy is just… i've never hated a game character more but he's such an accurate portrayal of a self absorbed, self victimizing person.

his hallucinations are great insight into how he views everything as some tremendous burden that he doesn't deserve, that people are unfairly attacking him when he's "trying his best to fix things". the way he hallucinates about the unborn baby but never about anya is especially a brilliant writing choice, because it shows that he wasn't sorry. he's never remorseful for any of it; he's just scared of consequences.

jimmy is a selfish coward! he idealizes being viewed as competent. he wants everyone to gather around and cheer and clap and praise him. he loves the idea of glory, of wielding power over others, and he loves the appearance of leadership without actually being willing to shoulder any of the bitter work and personal compromises it involves. even when he does do things as a leader, it's always with at least one insult or backhanded guilt-trip.

jimmy's mental break isn't because he actually cares about or regrets curly's disfigurement and total loss of agency or autonomy. it's because if curly lives, jimmy won't be held responsible by pony express for everything that happened.

jimmy did technically "fix" everything by the end of the game when he locked curly in the cryopod and then killed himself. he fixed the fact that he might suffer repercussions for everything he did to doom the tulpar and its crew. probably the most excellent static asshole villain protagonist i've ever seen.

[visenyaism]

They butchered Alicent so bad

oh i LOVED her this episode. some of the execution was a little clunky in places but moving the blood and cheese “pick which of your kids are dying” moment to be a conversation between rhaenyra and alicent was sooo fucking choice in a way i really found compelling.

like aegon this episode, alicent has been realizing she doesn’t know what the fucking point of all of this has been. again like aegon because they were raised in a deeply ableist society she cannot conceive of aegon where he isn’t the king she cannot wrap her head around what he’s supposed to be now all of the suffering she bore to get him to this point was for nothing. aemond is acting scary and out of control to the extent that he is an active threat to her and her other children she does not know him anymore.

she gets out loud explicitly asked by rhaenyra to resolve the dilemma that has been her entire character: she either has to choose her children or her relationship with rhaenyra. otto has been drilling this into alicent’s head since she was a child, alicent has been drilling it into her children’s heads since THEY were children. rhaenyra was the only one who pretended that wouldn’t be a choice forced on alicent! so then rhaenyra is the one to demand this of her it’s CRAZY. and alicent, who has been trapped for almost her whole life who has done everything expected of her and has been left with what? so much blood on her hands, everyone hates her, no one listens to her,and the children that she had to bear the conception and raising of against her will are unrecognizable to her. this war is transactional and will not stop until everyone is dead.

and alicent does something fundamentally selfish and cut them loose in the name of all of this just being over. she wants to be a person again. she can’t tell the difference between being her own and being rhaenyra’s those are the same to her. and then she steps out to look at the wide open sky, out of her cage for the first time ever while rhaenyra settles deeper into hers. that’s so interesting. 

the consequence being that she never had control of the narrative! but she’s still punished for this in how this story is told. she’s largely written into the background of the historical record and when she’s there she’s a caricature of a cold ambitious stepmother-queen. they’re trying really hard to reckon with the historical record as history is happening.

overall, I think I can understand why people are upset about this, but I loved it. I thought it was really compelling and there could’ve been a bit more buildup to that moment for her but I don’t think it’s that far out from her previous characterization at all.

[sxorpiomooon]

12th house and your past life karma

all you have to do is look at what sign your 12th house is in for example if you are an aquarius ascendant you'll automatically have capricorn in your 12th house etc. this house is only for the 12th house signs but I'll also be making a post on the 12th house planets and what they mean regarding past life!!

Check out my paid readings

Aries -> Having Aries in your 12th house means that you were native was mean, stubborn, had no respect for life, and were insensitive to the pain and sufferings of others. You will have pay the Karmic debts by becoming sensitive to the pain and sufferings of others.

Taurus -> In the past life you were a miser, greedy, and a wealthy person . In this life the lesson you will learn is about the values, realising that material things do not necessarily bring happiness, love, or fulfilment Being a Gemini ascendant in this life you will pursue your mental objectives and dreams neglecting material possessions.

Gemini -> You Misused your power of communication by spreading lies perhaps careless driving that have caused someone harm, spreading rumors, using media or communication power to tarnish someone's image, mistreatment towards your siblings. Your good contribution towards treating people with care is zero in the past therefore with Cancer ascendant in this life you will pay motherly attention and extra care for all

Cancer -> You were completely unfaithful and irresponsible in your home life. Mistreated your family members especially your mother and children even daughters. Therefore, in present life as Leo ascendant you will suffer with lack of love and attention from your home. You might feel as if you are loved by the society but not liked that also for who you truly are.

Leo -> You might have abused your power and influence for own advancement, controlled others, was selfish, didn't give any value to others love, negligence of family duty and lack of responsibility for your own children in previous life you enjoyed and satisfied your own needs and appetite to the detriment of others. In this life having Virgo as the ascendant you will pay for your sins by serving others.

Virgo -> Might have mistreated and criticized others too much, misuse of power, caused people psychological torture, wrong attitude and action. In the present life you will be the one getting criticised for not giving any importance for details and will yourself be criticized for not doing justice.

Libra -> Your karma might mainly be related to marriage or partnership(business probably). You might have cheated in your business or on your spouse, spoiled someone's married life, has affair with relationship with married people dishonesty, or might have abused your life partner in the past life. With getting everything and everyone in your past life that you wanted without thinking of any consequences for anyone in the past with Scorpio as the ascendant in this life you will always feel misunderstood by others and might never be able to show who you are in your relationships

Scorpio -> took advantage of other's weakness for profit, theft, cheated in business dealing, sexual/emotional exploitation? not sharing the knowledge or right sources. In this life with Sagittarius as your ascendant you will always be the one looking for the source and answers spreading knowledge everywhere.

Sagittarius -> In the past you might have been fully immersed in spiritual and philosophical theories not caring about real life or the people that you are connected with. Irresponsible acts or mistakes made while traveling cause harm to people as well as animals and forests, intentionally or unintentionally. Self-centeredness, neglecting the needs of others, not sharing his knowledge to help others. In this lifetime as Capricorn as ascendant the native will barely focus on spiritual qualities and will run only for the material goods while never being able to express themselves

Capricorn -> You were ambitious and achieved material progress by walking over others in previous life. You were responsible for someone's grief. In present birth with Aquarius ascendant your ambition will only exist to serve other people and you might not be able to find out who you truly are alone while searching for places and people to belong to.

Aquarius -> very foolish and impatient, lack of good logic supported judgement. Walking away from responsibilities in the last life which will in present life causes the person to be dependent and serving others.

Pisces -> In the past the you tried to satisfy his greed by causing others emotional damage, unintentional negligence that resulted in someone's suffering, unable to fulfil own duties because of mental or physical disability. In this life might pay back by always listening to others, having to be there for others having their own suffering neglected by everyone unintentionally

[stevie-petey]

stug stug stug pleaseee i would LOVE to see something where bug is comforting steve maybe he had a fight w his dad or j in general. i’m so excited for season 4! but obvi take your time j know that we’re all very excited bc we just know that you will blow us away with your writing!!

really missin happy steve and bug so im writin this <33

enjoy !

"i dont think it looks that bad."

"youre a terrible liar, y/n."

"im not lying!" but the way your voice pitches gives it all away, and steve knows it.

"im ruined." he drops his head into your lap, burying his face in the flesh of your thigh. partially because hes mourning the loss of his hair, but mostly because he adores your thighs and revels in them whenever he can.

steve is in mourning. he can be as selfish as he wants when it comes to your thighs. its his god given right as your boyfriend.

knowing what hes doing, you shove steves face away from your thighs, though not unkindly. youre still shy around him, his touch against your bare skin foreign after only a month of dating. steve is gentle and patient with you, he understands that youve never really been in a relationship before, so he takes his time with you.

secretly, you adore how gentle he is. how cautiously he skims his fingers over your waist or how softly he breathes against your neck. it makes everything easier, lighter, for you. to be loved so tenderly without any falsehood behind it.

lost in your honey warmth of love for steve, your fingers tangle through his hair. that is, whats left of it. steves chest faces you, the hem of his shirt has lifted slightly during his complaining. soft skin spills out from underneath, revealing a plush tummy. with a mind of their own, your eyes draw down the lines of his abdomen. a low hum stirs in your own stomach.

"are you seriously checking me out right now?" steve taps your nose with his finger, snapping you out of your daze. "i mean, here i am, the love of your life, mourning the loss of beautiful hair that was taken from us too soon, and youre drooling over me."

you flick his forehead, he scrunches his face, and its familiar and lovely. "i wasnt drooling, i just wasnt listening to your dramatic despair."

steve gasps, hand over his chest. "my hair was murdered!"

"honey, only like, two inches were cut off."

well, more like three, but you wont tell him that.

somehow one of the kids, almost certainly mike, left their chewed up gum on the counter top of family video when they visited earlier today. they came in like a storm, turning the place upside down before you, robin, or steve could even stop them. apparently dustin had wanted a new movie, will was bored, lucas wanted max to go outside, and el forced mike to join because shes never seen a movie store before.

the wreckage they left behind for such simple reasons for even entering the store in the first place had astounded you.

then, because steve is always perpetually suffering the consequences of the partys actions the most, had dropped his head down onto the counter top in exhaustion as soon as they left.

right in the same spot the gum had been left.

never before have you ever seen steve crumble to the floor quite so suddenly. it was comical, really. the way he shrieked in horror while you and robin watched, neither having any idea what had just happened.

which leads you to now: consoling steve as you comb through his newly cut hair.

"what, are you implying two inches isnt a huge amount of length?" steve raises an eyebrow at you, teasing, and you blush furiously. sparing you, he doesnt point it out and instead changes the topic. "i hate those little heathens, i really do."

"how do we know one of them is the gum culprit?"

"because theyre cursed little shitheads who always mar my appearance one way or another." then, as an afterthought, steve adds, "plus that wheeler kid has a weird obsession with watermelon gum."

again you try to defend the kids, even though you know it was most definitely mike. sure, he shouldnt have left his gum on the counter, but it was funny. "and how do we know it was watermelon gum?"

"i could smell it when robin was cutting all my hair off, angel."

"and yet youre as handsome as ever!" you press a purposely messy kiss atop of steves head, blowing slightly into his face and making a dramatic kissing sound when you pull away. anything to distract him from realizing it was all mikes fault.

gotta protect the little shithead somehow.

steve shrieks, reminiscent of the shriek from earlier, and shoves you away as he wipes at his face. "ew!"

"how dare you wipe my kiss away, steve harrington."

"you spit on me!"

"lovingly."

steve rolls onto his stomach and throws himself onto you. now its your turn to shriek as he throws his weight on top of you, tackling you onto his bed. luckily his parents arent home, otherwise theyd have some very horrified questions.

"steve!" you land with a soft thud on his pillows, and he smiles up from above you. hes all proud, his cheeks flushed a pretty pink, and his eyes shine with adoration for you.

hes beautiful. you cant believe hes yours.

"youre supposed to be comforting me, angel!" steve presses himself down even more, rendering you unable to move and wiggle away from him. you squeal when his hands find your sides, fingers digging into your skin as he tickles you. "i mean, im wounded here!"

you squeal with laughter as his hands attack you, mercilessly, yet gentle nonetheless. "s-steve! stop!"

"not until you apologize to my hair."

"your hair?" more laughter rips from your chest, ribs aching.

"mhm, tell my hair that its still handsome. his feelings are hurt." steve buries his nose into your neck, causing you to giggle even more, and the sound encases his body and reminds him of everything good and lovely.

you try to pull away, but steve has you pinned. "youre-ah! youre such an-an idiot!"

"that doesnt sound like an apology, y/n."

finally giving up, you force out an apology in between breaths of laughter. "i-im sorry! your-your hair is handsome!"

steves fingers leave your sides, but he pulls you deep into his chest and collapses upon you. he nuzzles into your neck, wraps his hands around you, tries to meld the two of you into one. "much better," he mumbles into your skin.

"your hair really is handsome, you know." you draw circles into steves back, breath slowly returning to normal. fingers finding his hair once more, you play with the strands and massage his head with your nails. "youre handsome. two inches lost or not.”

"really?" steve lifts his face, looks down at you, preening at your words with an unusual shyness.

you bring your hands to his face, holding it with all the love you have for him. "the handsomest."

lips find lips, and soon the two of you get lost in each other as you inevitably always do.

[alessabriel]

And it didn't.

Summary: with the scars left by civil conflict, of broken relationships and shattered bridges the years passed, and she was finally caught up with the consequences of what she did.

Cw: NO CAITVI, angst for Caitlyn, post arcane 2 and my soft imaginings, Vi x Reader.

✄ — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Caitlyn had lost herself and neither time, nor regret could bring back the people she lost what was important to; I saw the one she pushed away so many times because of that stupid instinct to see her down for being from Zaun who contaminated and infected her, Jayce who even though I told her everything was resolved I still saw that resentment in her eyes and did not blame, her father still loved her and was there for her but in his eyes at times there was a disappointment so palpable that it hurt to see her because she had destroyed what her mother worked so hard for costing lives in Zaun. She knew that her owner and suffering was not justification, it would never be, just as she knew that she had made many decisions that were wrong and even today, at 35 years old, they still haunt her, stalking her in every free moment to think, in every corner of her psyche and heart, it is a curse that would never leave her and she accepted it, she let the remorse bite her skin, scratch her bones fragmenting them until it reached the organs underneath and stay there forever. Not that all Zaunites' looks at her were better or let her forget what she had done in the past, they all looked at her with a well-hidden and civilized rancor, which, in contrast to what happened years ago showed that Zaunites were not animals.

"It's in your blood, it will always be in your blood!"

These are words that still to this day follow her relentlessly, spoken to a woman who stood by her side unflinchingly, daring to wear the uniform of the very beings who murdered her parents, who oppressed her for years and who were part of Zaun's continuing misfortune. Vi wore the uniform and became an enforcer for her, and a with it at that moment, after a shared kiss hurt her and it was not the blow that hurt the most, but hearing Vi cry at the bottom of the well and left her without looking back, at that moment she never regretted it and thought she deserved it for not letting Vi go, she herself pushed her away. Now, as Sheriff with Piltover restored and Zaun in better condition after joining forces to drive away Noxus and his threat, she is surprisingly alone. She had managed to catch Jinx and served her sentence, helped restore Piltover as part of that sentence but even with everything Jinx was never left alone but was supported by all of Zaun and, to her own selfish pain; For Vi, Vi was in the process of Jinx's improvement and her mental treatment, when she was imprisoned and released by herself, she watched as Vi received her and although there was an uncomfortable air Vi saw her with a filial love and bright, shy accompanied by Ekko, Sevika, Isha and another person who did not hesitate to embrace Jinx. Even Jinx even with all the crimes on her list, she had so many people surrounding her and she on the other end just and Sheriff was alone, she knew it was her own fault.

There was a sea of guilt that was always at her feet, threatening on her worst days with a huge swell, monstrous waves that threatened to swallow her whole and sometimes she wished they would but, it would be selfish not to bear the consequences of her actions.

The council had been renewed for the sake of progress since they all had such archaic and cruel ideas by the next leaders of those same houses who were young, people who saw beyond prejudices and painted a difference, a before and an after. A renewed council, like Piltover, with Jayce and Mel at the head, but there were two representatives of Zaun who never showed up leaving two chairs together empty in their name. They had all changed, Piltover finally after seeing how hundreds of Zaunites risked themselves to drive Noxus away without caring about coming back alive showed them how much damage they inflicted on their twin city.

Damage she contributed to, added to, and how it tainted her mother's contribution so that the Zaunites could breathe.

She hated herself but dared not ask for forgiveness, because she did not deserve it and she knew it.

She lives each day mechanically in the Enforcers base office, and with documentation up to her neck, in a cold and monotonous rhythm until that day came, a day where Loris was coming to visit her as she had not agreed to stay in the Enforcers corps with the others but rather, was sentinel in Zaun an organization created by two people in Zaun along with other creations that Zaun did not have before.

"Wow, you're still dating the paperwork Sheriff?" questions Loris, walking into the office with a lazy smile looking at the paperwork by the pile.

"Let's just say they're nice dates" replies Caitlyn, inviting him to sit down, it's the little visits and sincere interactions he has that let him see that he kept too good people away from his surroundings because even Seb kept her at a distance, Maddie walked away from her after he had used her to forget Vi; spoiler he never could, Vi as soon as the conflict ended and the trials came she didn't return to Piltover, so Loris was the only one who still maintained some pleasant air between the two "Something going on? You usually come over on Fridays when I go out for a drink together."

Caitlyn looks at her former partner and notices it, a nervous uneasiness almost shy about how she keeps herself hidden and how Loris tries to keep the air light, jovial and pleasant. Loris was a very short time active part of the Enforcerd but damn but he was a good element and the Sentinels would take a good element. She watches silently as her former partner takes a seat, but it never goes unnoticed the conflicted eyes of the man in front of her and she honestly can't blame him as Loris is one of Vi's best friends and continuing to talk to her feels like some sort of betrayal, or so Caitlyn assumes.

"Well, I'm not wasting your time with my humble visit Sheriff" she concedes, lightening the mood and tension, pulling out a simple envelope sealed with wax and a unique flower that only grows in Zaun "Consider coming, she asked me to deliver it to you."

Caitlyn with that, spends the rest of the day dreading opening the letter leaving it on her office bookshelf as if it has the toxic and poisonous in it, so at the end of her day with the evening light streaming in through the glass she plucks up her courage. She sits up from her chair and takes the letter, it is made of a soft and in plain sight recycled paper but it has a fresh floral scent, with some fear creeping up her joints she opens it using the letter opener seeing how the black wax falls on her desk next to the small single flower of Zaun that she takes and keeps it, inside the envelope is a paper folded in three and when she opens it something stirs in her gut with such force that she feels her organs pushed into her bones and the physical exterior of her body, she restrains herself and swallows the bile to start reading, though she knows that doomed her because she suspects it is.

† Violet and [R] †

Just reading that line generated an immense, monumental dismay in him, had he stopped loving Vi? She didn't want to know the answer because it would hurt, because when she pushed Vi away, making her feel guilty for everything, guilty for not being able to stop loving her sister in spite of everything, what was she thinking back then? Making her choose implicitly only served to further establish the imbalance and mistrust in whatever it was they had, and lo and behold the consequences years of loneliness and minimal, if any interactions with Vi that were for matters merely concerning both cities. At the very thought, the very image of it tightens her chest.

Vi was getting married and he was inviting her to his wedding, with a +1.

She dropped into her chair, tossing the pretty invitation on the desk before scrunching up her face, stressed, hurt, regretful and with an amalgam of feelings of self-pity and cruelty towards herself for the past, for the hatred her being since she was a child had harbored towards Zaunitas which only incubated until it exploded that fateful day where she took it out on Vi, took it out on a woman who knew how to read her better than she did herself and prevented her from doing something she would regret more. He knew he could not give, if he would fail as Vi said but his pain did not allow him to see, understand, or comprehend. His hands tremble running it over his face in an attempt to get rid of that mutilating feeling in his chest, and he feels the pain climb up his bones, Vi was going to marry someone and by name it's a woman; [R]. A short, concrete text, a wedding which will be held in the newly opened temple of Janna, signed below in sweet, flowing calligraphy in Violet's name, next to another straighter, linear calligraphy signing with [R]. They sure did that cute thing of writing each other's name would Vi love her? Would that unknown woman love Vi? How long had they been in a relationship? Did they love each other? Why was Vi inviting her?

She doesn't want to go.

[volklana]

To You I Belong

Title Comes From This Song:

Summary: It was supposed to be a simple spying mission, like the ones he had done many times over, draw no suspicions, take no prisoners, leave no casualties and then slip away into the night with the precious information he had learned. What he did not factor into this equation was encountering the love of his life.

Warnings: Reader is a slave for the first part of the story.

The moment he laid eyes on you something stirred in his very soul, something he had never felt before, and it unsettled him, deeply.

Sihtric had never failed Uhtred before. 

Not once. 

But he was about to.

And if he was honest with himself from the moment he had entered the Dane’s camp, he knew he was going to do something he had never done before, he was going to be selfish.

Because from that very moment he saw you he had decided he would do whatever he could. Suffer whatever consequence came his way to get you out of here. 

It was supposed to be a simple spying mission, like the ones he had done many times over, draw no suspicions, take no prisoners, leave no casualties and then slip away into the night with the precious information he had learned. 

Except he was sure of one thing with great certainty, he would not be slipping away into the night unless it was by your side. 

He had watched you for nights now, pouring ale into the cup of the brutish Dane Ulf, who possessed you, slave irons around your neck, which tethered you to him. 

He watched you flinch every time he rose, and watched in horror as he backhanded you roughly for dropping his cup once when he yanked too harshly on your chains.  

“Saxon bitch,” he hissed as you held a trembling hand to your cheek, before gathering yourself and pouring the drink into his cup. 

“Pour one for my friend too,” he instructed, and Sihtric almost held his breath as you stepped into his proximity to pour into his empty cup, he thanked you with a small nod of his head, and for a moment your eyes lingered on his before you were yanked backwards and were forced to stand beside your brutish slaver again. 

“Why do you keep those chains on her?” Sihtric had asked and Ulf sighed a long hard sigh before leaning forward, voice dipped as if sharing a secret with Sihtric, “Do not let that face fool you. She is wild like a mare, bites like one too.” 

Sihtric was beginning to despair at how he could get you away from Ulf.

He thought about slipping into his tent at night, slitting his throat and simply stealing you away but he couldn’t trust that it would be so easy, and Ulf never left your side for long enough to simply steal you away.

The only time he ever left you unguarded was when he had you chained to a stake not far from his own tent and it was in these rare moments where Sihtric could talk freely with you. Bringing you stolen rations of food or allowing you to sip from his own water pouch.

If,you fought like a mare, Sihtric thought it was only because you were frightened, he could read it in your huge worried eyes whenever he was near you.

You always expected pain and it took you days to accept the food straight from his hands and not from the ground where he placed it, hands up and backing away to show he meant to harm.

It broke his heart.

Sihtric once again found himself around the campfire, sipping slowly from his cup, eyes once again on yours when Ulf’s booming voice pulled his attention.

“You like the look of my woman?” he teased, half slouched back on the ground, his gullet filled with ale and Sihtric swirled the liquid around in his own cup instead of answering.

He yanked roughly on your chains and you were pulled forward, “I said,” he commanded again “Do you like the look of my woman? You have been humping her with your eyes all evening. Perhaps I should cut your eyes from your head so you learn to not look upon things that do not belong to you. Or perhaps,” he suddenly rose and made to tear at your clothes to expose you, “I should show you what you are missing.”

Sihtric rose from his seat like a lightning bolt, sword drawn and ready to strike when Ulf suddenly laughed and stood back with his hands raised “I jest friend, come, let us sit, there is no need for blood to be spilled this night.” 

He plonked himself drunkenly down on the ground and even though Sihtric was seething, chest rising and falling in anger he slowly put down his weapon, before doing a quick check over of you.

You remained standing eyes wide, looking like a rabbit cornered by foxes, and remained frozen in fear of another blow from Ulf.

You were being punished. For two nights now you had been forced to sleep outside, chained to that godforsaken stake in the ground, denied food and drink because you had nearly bitten Ulf’s ear clean off in an attempt to flee him a few nights before. Tired of enduring him, tired of his violence. And you would have made good on your escape were it not for the stupid shackles you wore around your neck, for as soon as you had run a few hundred paces he managed to grab a hold of the chain you dragged along behind you and yanked you down to the ground, you still bore the cut where your lip had split from his blows and your throat still ached from where he had nearly strangled the life from you, but unfortunately you had survived the ordeal and knew you would never have the chance to flee again.

The nights were freezing, and frost covered the ground, you shook so violently your teeth chattered in your skull and Sihtric came both nights to cover you in his furs, sitting with you in silence until your body stopped shaking, although sometimes you wished he wouldn’t so that the frost may take you with it, but you would have been lying if you said your heart didn't flutter in your chest when you saw his figure approach each night.

“Here lady,”  a gentle voice pulled you from your despair as Sihtric hunkered down in front of you and passed you his leather pouch filled with water to drink from, “You must be thirsty.”

Your anxious eyes scanned the night for a glimpse of Ulf, and Sihtric whipped his head around to follow your line of sight, and realised it was the brute you were looking for, but you visibly relaxed when you could not find him.

The cold liquid soothed your scratched throat and Sihtric encouraged you to drink some more, “Take as much as you need, I will bring you more later,” he said honestly and your heart fluttered in your chest at his unwavering kindness.

“You are not like them,” you said after a few moments' consideration, “You don’t belong here, you are gentle.”

Sihtric stilled all actions for a moment, it was the first time you had ever spoken to him and he had not been expecting it.

“That has always been my problem lady, I have never wanted to be like them,” he smiled sadly, remembering back to the days when Kjartan the Cruel would have him tortured simply for being so soft. “Weak,” he had spat at him, yet him and Sven, his one eyed goat turd of a brother, were gone and only Sihtric remained. 

“You will not hurt me?”

“I will not.”

“You will not try to claim me?”

“I will not,” he promised again and you took a second of liberty to look up into those open, honest, mismatched eyes and found no lies there.

“My name is Y/N,” you told him as you handed his leather pouch back into his hands, his rough fingers momentarily encapsulating yours. 

“I am going to get you out of here,” he promised and a lump caught in your throat.

“You cannot promise that,” you cried and he took your hands fully in his.

“I swear to it y/n, when I come for you and I will, be ready to run,”

“You swear it?” you cried, voice wobbling and he squeezed your hands with conviction.

“I swear it, on my gods and yours.” 

There was a skirmish in the camp and your heart caught in your throat, you were trapped and caught in the centre of it all. You could smell the burning boats and blood and next thing Sihtric was in your vision, axe in hand hacking at the chain that held you in place and when it finally snapped in half he was pulling you wordlessly, your legs ached and your lungs burned but you ran as fast as your legs could carry you, Sihtric hacked and stabbed at any Dane who attempted to stop him “Keep going to the horses,” he urged whenever he was slowed down “Don’t stop I will meet you there!” 

True to his word he hoisted you effortlessly onto his horse and took to riding with all his might, away into the night.

As you finally reached Coccham, Sihtric offered you his hand and helped you climb down from his horse, he brushed you down but was careful not to allow his hands to linger or make you uncomfortable. 

“You will be safe here,” he promised.

His friends had suddenly gathered around eager to hear what information he brought with him and the head of Uhtred’s household stepped forward.

“I claim her,” she suddenly demanded “She is a good strong one. I claim her as a servant.”

“No,” Sihtric barked and Uhtred stood to attention in front of him, “She is not yours to claim and she will never be a servant again. Is that clear,” he commanded, demanding anyone to even dare to defy him.

“Fine,” she sneered “Keep your little slave.”

“She is no slave,” he spat “She is free.” 

Sihtric was like a wild animal, teeth bared and ready to bite.

“She is free!” Finan concluded coming to stand beside his friend and he did not need to speak it aloud for Sihtric to understand he too would fight any man or woman who dared to challenge Sihtric.

“It is agreed,” Uhtred nodded and Sihtric was marching upwards to the burgh to find the blacksmith to finally remove the shackles from your neck, there would be time to pass on his information over supper.

“I don’t know if I have the tools,” the smith looked sympathetic but not too worried about finding the tools but Sihtric was irate, “You will find the tools or you will never yield another tool again,” he threatened and within moments the iron shackles were removed from your bruised neck and you were free.

You stood before Sihtric in bewilderment as he was pulling off his armrings and placing them into your hands. 

“You are free,” Sihtric said gently but sadly because he genuinely expected you to flee, now that you had the option to but you remained rooted in place.

“I promised you I would not claim you, your destiny is your own. If you would like to return home I will arrange a horse for you, if you would like to stay I will arrange boarding for you here within Uhtred’s household.”

You considered him for a moment, standing before you shyly and then you flung yourself into his arms, wrapping your own arms around his neck, “Thank you,” you whispered softly into his skin “Thank you.”

His own arms locked around your form, and he gently brushed his fingers through the length of your hair.

“I wish to stay,” you said when you broke away and Sihtric made to say he would arrange it, “Not in boarding, not in Uhtred’s household. With you. I would like to stay with you.” 

Sihtric swallowed thickly and blinked quickly, but nodded nonetheless.

You bathed and dried your hair by the hearth in Uhtred’s hall, and with warm food in your belly and proper clothes on, you felt somewhat human again.

Sihtric was sitting amongst his friends, eating and deep in talk, no doubt deciding what their next plans would be. 

You touched your hands to where the weight of the shackles had been for months and were not used to the feeling of not finding a weight there. 

Osferth, the monk came to sit by your side so he too could warm himself by the fire.

“You are Christian?” Osferth enquired and you shook your head.

“I was,” you said, looking towards Sihtric “Now I only believe in strength and those brave enough to do the right thing.” 

“You look to him,” Osferth mused, following your line of sight. 

“He cared for me when none other did.” 

“Could you? - Might you care for him?” he asked sincerely and you nodded, unable to stop the tears that formed in your eyes, when Sihtric’s own eyes landed on yours.

“Yes, I believe so.” 

“We are to ride on to Winchester,” Sihtric informed you, “You will be safe here until we return,” he added and you shook your head violently.

“I will go with you,” you stated and he shook his head.

“Y/n, you should stay where you are safe.”

“I am safest with you,” you pleaded and he grimaced.

“You are free. You owe me no fealty, you are not bound to me. You do not owe me-”

You pressed your lips to his, cutting off whatever it was he was about to say.

“I do not choose to stay with you because I feel indebted to you. I stay because I am your woman now,” you told him, cupping his face in your hands “You hear me? I am yours by my own choice. Of my own free will. If you will have me, that is.”

The smile that broke out over his face was almost boyish and his own hands sprung up to rest on yours, still holding his face.

“You are the only decision I’ve ever made that was selfish, that was purely my own- that was for me and me alone.”

“Then choose me again,” you smiled back “Choose me every time, as I will choose you.”

Sihtric closed the distance, crashing his lips to yours and he was agreeing to take you to Winchester because he would have asked the gods to carry you to the moon if you asked it of him.

"To you I belong Sihtric," you had whispered that night as you made love under the stars, and you traced the scars of Sihtric's body trying to commit every one to memory. "To you I belong."

Father Beocca joined your hands together and Sihtric’s smile was contagious.

“Behold my oath, that I will take no other as my wife but you,” Sihtric promised.

“Behold my oath, that I will take no other as my husband but you,” you returned and Father Beocca blessed the union, and when he finally announced you man and wife, Sihtric leaned in to seal the union with a kiss.

You reached for his Thor’s amulet and brushed your thumb across the hammer and whispered,

“May Thor bless our union with strength and courage. May Freya bless us with family and prosperity, and may Loki never deny us laughter.”

Sihtric chuckled and swept you up into his arms as Beocca looked on blissfully unaware of the heathen oath you had just made in his presence.

“And just where did you learn these words?” he mused and you turned your head in delight towards Uhtred.

“Say the part about Freya again my love,” he urged. 

“I have said it once,” you teased “And now only our actions will bring it to fruition.” 

“Well let us make haste,” he cocked with a smirk “For we would not want to disappoint the gods.” 

And indeed Freya did bless the union for many years later, when Sihtric became the Lord of Dunholm you had enough offspring to form your very own witan.

And true to his word Sihtric never allowed you to be a servant again, but he would never know that you served him and only him from the moment you laid eyes upon him until the day they would shut forever. 

But your vow to him was always the same.

To you I belong.

Tagging:

@canyonmoon-2 @sihtricfedaraaahvicius @whitedarkmoonflower @thenameswinter99 @foxyanon

@acdassenza @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @gemini-mama

@troyottonick @alexagirlie

a-beaverhausen nebulamorada izzydlb knight-of-flowerss

justcuriousandbored

[bibluebutterfly]

(Edited January 21, 2024. This got a bit outdated so I'm fixing it to keep the main point.)

Since Hazbin Hotel is coming nearer I feel like I should give a heads up:

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: NOBODY IN HAZBIN HOTEL WILL BE A GOOD PERSON EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE AND MAYBE Vaggie.

Alastor is a sadistic blood thirsty cannibalistic serial killer.

Angel Dust is a selfish druggie murderer who gets into gang violence for funsies, and sexually harasses people to cope with his own trauma.

Nifty is almost DEFINITELY a crazy killer when it comes down to it.

Husk is a dead beat drunk who cares for almost nothing.

We already know about Val’s deal. (Even his most prominent fans want to see this man SUFFER, so that says enough.)

Vox enables him, participates in the abuse to SOME degree, and has DEFINITELY screwed a ton of people over to get where he is now. (Getting real tired of the poor baby Vox allegations.)

Not much on Vel but she’s part of the Vees so she’s basically guaranteed to be a bitch. (Updated: Yeah she's definitely a bitch. But I love her.)

Yes. Some of them may be able to be redeemed but they all got in Hell for a REASON. And it wasn’t by being the uwu babies that some of y’all truly believe they are.

These characters are going to be entertaining, but they will also be awful. At least for the start of the series.

You may love them as these poor victims who were screwed over by life, but they’re ALL adults who made their choices and are now living with the consequences.

So just be ready for that when the show comes out, and they have their downright asshole moments or (in the Vees case) just turn out to be plain evil.

[lemon2099]

A little fluffy ode to Miguel's pretty face <3

When it comes to Miguel O'Hara, there are many wonderful features you can stare at.

His eyes, a bleeding crimson that brings back tides of the painful consequences of his behavior. His recklessness and selfishness turning him into the man he is today, trapping him in his new predicament: Atlas of multiverse, when all he wanted was family. Now if he so much turns his back, millions of families will be torn apart, and it will be all his fault. But to you? Those eyes are the warm red of leaves falling off the trees in fall, floating down gently in the crisp breeze as their time passes, resting softly on the grass to be reabsorbed into the soil, resting and waiting for Mother Nature to welcome them home in her warm embrace.

His supple, plump lips that in recent times have only used for guzzling down coffee and yelling to his AI assistant. Before you, he would let them dry out, sit and pick at the cowlicks of dead skin and pull them until they bled all over his mouth, before wiping them off on the back of his palm. It's far from the first time he's ever had blood on his hands. To you, they are large pillows, a gateway to his most vulnerable wounds: the ones invisible to the eye and mind. The ones with no blood, no scars, but the source of plenty of tears. With every stream of air push between those gorgeous gates gives you more insight for how you can help him heal and feel better than the happy man he used to be. Thanks to your loving instance, he now has a small stick of plain chapstick in his desk drawer, right between his scientific calculator and precision screwdriver set.

But you always took to a different feature, placed large and proud in the center of his face. It is the centerpiece of a beautiful buffet to the eyes, unmoving as if sculpted by marble. Often flooded with destructive barrages of smoke emanating from the infrastructure collapsing into the streets after being smacked down by the anomalies, suffocating the suffering populations that have already lost everything and more. The heavy scent pushes him out of the rubble just one more time, to swallow up pungent gobs of soot in hopes of retrieving a pinch of oxygen, to make sure the civilian’s last breath isn't as acrid as the one he just took.

It picks up the scent of the heavy, iron-scented blotches smeared across the concrete. The tangy smell of lost life hopelessly across broken schools and subway stations, a heavy reminder of his impossible responsibility. His enhanced senes usually were usually an essential tool to his missions, but his large nostrils intake information that only make his job harder. A faint metallic scent means blood on the walls, but a stifling one means injury. A blockade cuts off his oxygen, causing him to wheeze, each cough a fight for breath, getting closer and closer while dodging punches and flying debris. But he doesn’t have time to slow down, and even if he physically could, he couldn’t bring himself to do anyway. In the intricate web of the multiverse, his life is meaningless, and he understand that more acutely than anyone. After whipping his head to avoid a broken jaw, warmth slides down his face and blends into the sweat under his mask, coating his face in a warm, sticky substance. His suit is dark for a reason.

But to you? It is absolute perfection. The bridge has the slope of a rolling hill in the countryside, teeming with plant life. Combined with the upward turn at the tip creates the feeling of sliding down before being shot up right back to the top to do it all again, letting yourself get trapped in the loop of its beauty. Wide nostrils create prominence, almost perfectly symmetrical but not exact, like the patterns a spider weaves in its web. Should you chose to look to the side, the stark structure gentle creates the perfect attachment to the rest of his face, carrying your vision down gracefully. There is not a single wrong place to look. Even the clogged pores look like like freckles and the dry skin is more akin to snowflakes. Both are evidence of his hard work. And even after all the turmoil, it still stands large and proud on the center of his face, slicing through the air, the amber light of his monitors and code gently cupping the structure.

"What are you looking at?" He asks bluntly, turning his head to face you.

“You." You reply softly, your eyes still loyal to his beautiful face.

“I can see that." He turns his body towards you. "But why?"

"I never thought someone so beautiful would look my way. And yet here you are.” He blinks once. Twice. Three times before scoffing and turning himself back to his work. A smile starts to form on his face, but right before it can, his nose scrunches up and shoves it back down into his chest.

It was just his way of telling you that he felt the same.

Sorry for the lack of updates, been in a funk lately Please please PLEASE reblog if you enjoyed and feel free to come into my ask box with any questions or requests. Thank you, and have a great day!

[pickingupmymercedes]

Maybe in another life - Lewis Hamilton

Part 2 is here: When I get to meet you

Alternative part 2: I'd like to believe

request: "hello can do heavy angst? ... lewis faces the consequences of his stupid actions? like he grovels a lot and suffer a lot. just ripped my heart open with your writing i dont care 😭😭😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻" - anon

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

warnings: Blood, Miscarriage, Asshole Lewis

wordcount: +1K

a/n: Angsty anon, that was a hard one to write. I changed the request a bit, hope it's okay. I just really don't picture him cheating with someone so close to someone he loves, specially since his relationships are very open (as of now, anyway), the rest is still there.

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

TRIGGERING CONTENT UNDER, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

______________________________________________________________

The white of the hotel room walls seemed to closed in on Lewis as he reread the final line of the letter. "I needed you to know." Y/n's words hung in the air, a stark contrast to the roar of the city outside. Every muscle in his body tensed. It couldn't be true. He reread the entire thing, a cold dread settling in his stomach with every sentence.

The letter started with a casualness that ripped at him further. It was a stark reminder of the way they started – a fling fueled by adrenaline and an undeniable connection.

Then came the bombshell. The night she stormed into his Monaco apartment, the one he'd dismissed with a callous "call me later," wasn't just about a fight. It was about a child. Their child. Shame, hot and acrid, burned in his throat. He'd been a fool, blinded by fleeting pleasure, while she carried the weight of the future alone. Their future.

Tears pricked at Lewis's eyes as he read about her decision to keep it, to raise a mini-him, a mini-her, even without him. A part of him swelled with pride, a terrible, conflicting emotion considering how things ended.

The next part though, stole his breath, and even in the second read was still hard to stomach.

He learned about the miscarriage, the brutal way it unfolded – a sharp pain waking her in the quiet of the night, the rush to the bathroom, the crimson staining everything. The helplessness, the loneliness of it all. He should have been there. He should have held her hand, whispered reassurances. But all he'd offered was a dismissive phone call, months before.

Y/n's words about wishing he was by her side echoed in his mind, a constant refrain. The regret, raw and searing, threatened to consume him. He pictured her, alone, grieving a child they both would've never meet.

The letter continued. She spoke of the physical and emotional toll, the weeks that followed, a blur of doctor visits and a silence so deafening it screamed louder than any argument. She told him about leaving F1, needing a clean break from the world that constantly reminded her of what could have been.

The final paragraphs struck him with a force that left him reeling. "Maybe in another life, Lewis.” Another life. A life where he wasn't a self-absorbed champion, where he saw the woman behind the reporter, where he understood the depth of the love she carried, in her heart, and even for a few months in her womb.

Lewis crumpled the letter in his fist, the weight of his mistakes crushing him. The roar of the city outside mocked him, a reminder of the life that went on regardless of his private turmoil. He wanted to call her, to apologize, to somehow bridge the chasm he'd created. But the letter offered no contact information, and the knowledge that it might be too late settling heavy in his mind.

He sank onto the plush hotel bed, the opulence offering no comfort. He was a champion, a winner, and yet he'd lost the most important race of his life – the one for a future he’d thrown away in a haze of selfishness.

Now, all that remained were the ghosts of what could have been, a forever reminder of the price of his arrogance.

_________________________________________________________

Hi Lewis,

I don't want to blame you for any of what I'm about to tell you.

Our story wasn't exactly a fairytale romance, and I knew full well the kind of life you led when we started seeing each other. But somewhere along the line, things started to feel different. Maybe it was the late-night talks after Monaco, or the way you looked at me after a win, a genuine joy that went beyond the cameras.

Whatever it was, I fell for you, harder than I ever thought possible.

That night in Monaco, when I walked into your apartment, the smell of something I shouldn't have smelled. Then I saw the girls, the half-empty bottles, the porno on repeat. I was disappointed.

But deeper than that, I was scared, so damn scared. I needed to talk to you, Lewis, not just about the obvious, but about something more, something monumental.

See, the reason I was there, the reason my voice was shaky and my eyes probably held a storm you couldn't understand, was because I was pregnant, we were.

We were going to have a baby, Lewis. A tiny little person, half you, half me.

The thought had terrified me at first, the responsibility, the unknown. But then, this strange sense of calm. Maybe I could do this. We could do this.

I'm not gonna lie, I thought about ending it, the pregnancy. And that night made the doubt so much greater.

I need you to know I called the abortion clinic. Twice. I even scheduled a date. But I couldn't do it.

Turns out the universe had other plans.

It was still early, barely into the fourth month, but I swear I could already see a hint of a bump. Just the tiniest swell beneath my usual clothes, a secret I carried close.

I imagined late nights with a fussy baby, the smell of milk instead of the usual post-race adrenaline.

I pictured you, maybe not holding the baby because you were off winning another championship, but calling, checking in, a flicker of pride in your voice.

Naive, I know.

For a couple of days, there was just a feeling, a vague unease that settled low . Like a distant echo of discomfort, easily dismissed with a deep breath and a glass of water. But then, the backache started. A dull ache that settled and radiated outwards. It felt familiar, a dull echo almost like cramps, but different somehow. Deeper, more insistent.

The night it happened, I woke up with a sharp pain ripping through me, from the inside out. It stole my breath away, leaving me gasping for air. Panic clawed at my throat as I scrambled out of bed, a cold dread pooling in my stomach. I didn't make it to the bathroom in time, the crimson stained my clothes, the bedsheets, the mattress.

The smell of blood clung to everything in that bedroom for weeks.

The doctor confirmed it in the emergency, a hollow echo in a sterile room. I had a curettage to get the rest of tissue out.

The weeks that followed were a blur. Doctor visits, tests, a crushing silence that spoke louder than any argument we ever had. The grief was a physical weight, a constant ache in my chest.

I also need you to know that through it all, I mourned the life I couldn't carry to term, the tiny flicker of hope that had bloomed within me and that I couldn't keep safe.

That's on me, and I take full responsability.

I couldn't handle F1 after that. The constant reminder of what could have been, it was suffocating. And leaving was an incredibly hard decision, but I needed that. I had to move on.

Maybe in another life, Lewis. Maybe then things would have been different.

Maybe, I would have told you about the day our child started school, all jitters and excitement, a backpack bigger than their little body. Or maybe I would have been showing you their first wobbly steps, a mess of giggles and misplaced feet, a tiny us with ours eyes.

A what-if that will forever linger in the quiet corners of my mind.

This isn't a plea for a response. I don't even know if you'll read this all the way through. Maybe you'll crumple it up and toss it aside. God, maybe I hope you do. But I needed you to know.

- Y/n

______________________________________________________________

TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk @happy-golden-hour @vicurious28

@0710khj @thecubanator2 @neilakk @bigratbitchsworld @adriswrld

@fearfam69691 @cmleitora

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

Character Flaws vs Writing Flaws:

While catching up on some of the stuff people have commented/sent to me, I noticed someone mention how Katsuki being a bully is a flaw of his and that not every character needs to be a good person.

First of all, when did I ever say that a character has to be morally correct to be a good character? Some of my favorite characters are villains who’ve done worse things than Katsuki.

So what’s the difference between them and Katsuki?

Well, the villains have a reason for existing. Joker is meant to serve as a parallel to Batman, challenging his morals while also showing what an unhinged Batman could look like.

On a much lesser scale, despite his extremely limited screen time, Moonfish’s bloodlust, lack of sanity, and cannibalism serve two purposes in MHA: to showcase Fumikage’s power and to give the readers an example of what the heroes of this world have to deal with.

Katsuki’s flaws are meant to show the flaws of a world that values raw power over morals, but he fails at this. The reason why? His flaws are never allowed to be flaws.

Katsuki’s aggressive and hostile nature should have him struggling to make friends, yet he has the two pillars of 1-A, that being Ejiro and Denkias described by Hori, immediately befriend him with no issues. His inability to empathize with others should have people wanting to steer away from him, but his instead 1-A loves him, Eri loves him despite being the last person who would, and anyone who doesn’t love him is seen as being in the wrong.

Katsuki is meant to be a big fish in a little pond, someone whose ego isn’t challenged until a certain point, and the Battle Trials were meant to show this. While yes, Katsuki has a mini-breakdown over the fact that he’s no longer in a class of people with weaker quirks, he has no issue claiming a spot as a Top Dog and he still continues to demean the people around him.

Katsuki’s aggressiveness is meant to be both a flaw and an asset. His aggressive nature is what motivates him to defeat the villain, but it’s supposed to cause him to have a one track mind when it comes to hero work. Rescue, teamwork, all of that is ignored by him to fight the big bad. His ego caused everyone to have a tougher time during the USJ, but is that ever touched upon? Nope. It’s just ignored. When Katsuki saved Kyouka, there was no buildup to it. It just happens. We never see him struggle with teamwork because everyone else follows him like a lost puppy.

Meanwhile, Izuku is meant to be Katsuki’s parallel in this department. He’s meant to showcase why too much selflessness isn’t good while also showing that a hero is more than just their raw power. Problem is, Izuku gets completely shat on no matter what he does. He goes after a villain to protect U.A? Gets criticized. Does his best to work with Katsuki? Gets blamed despite it solely being an issue on Katsuki’s end. Does everything perfectly? Nope, still not enough. Compared to Izuku, who always seems to be in the wrong, Katsuki’s placed as this paragon of heroic virtues despite the fact both characters are supposed to be two halves of a whole. They’re supposed to learn from one another. Problem is, Katsuki’s flaws are always ignored while Izuku’s positive traits are demeaned.

Finally, Katsuki being a bully is supposed to serve as a starting point for his character. He’s meant to grow and develop as a human being. Again, he doesn’t, or at least he doesn’t do so in an organic way. He never suffers consequences for his behavior, he’s constantly propped up and coddled instead of criticized, and he’s given some heroic moments despite there being no buildup to them. In the span of a month he goes from nearly killing Izuku to risking his life for him. Where the hell did that come from? Honestly, I wouldn’t care if Katsuki being a bully is his sole purpose for existing, but he’s meant to be more than that. This is supposed to be a well developed and fully fleshed out character who grows from his selfishness and is meant to show that anyone can be a hero, no matter their starting point. But when the development is crap and he hardly changes outside of some OOC moments, then his flaws cease to be flaws that he’s meant to overcome. Instead MHA treats it as him being quirky and misunderstood.

In conclusion, you just can’t present something as a character flaw and expect it to serve as an excuse as to why a character exhibits said flaw. You have to think of the following: what purpose does this flaw serve? Is it meant to be used to teach a lesson? Does it set something in motion, whether it be the development of this character, another character, or does the flaw cause the character’s downfall? The only thing Katsuki’s flaws does right is that they set up Izuku’s story, which again would be fine if that’s Katsuki’s purpose, but it’s not. Him being a bully isn’t something that he overcomes in a natural way. His redemption story is the equivalent of filling things out of a checklist without being fleshed out. Every time he screws up, it’s never treated as a screw-up. Oh he failed the hero license exam? Well so did Shoto so he’s not unique there, and the proctors still suck his dick even while he’s “failing”. Him being the reason for 13’s injuries? Never brought up.

Katsuki’s flaws don’t piss me off because they are flaws, but because the writing of his character IS so deeply flawed despite being a centralized character in the story.

Oh, and as always, someone can dislike a character for whatever reason they might have. If people don’t like Katsuki because he’s a bully, then they have every right to. What I wrote is a response as to why I think Katsuki’s a shit character and how it’s not because of his flaws themselves, but how Hori goes about writing these flaws.

[absolutehomosexuals]

Astarion's ascension is extremely popular, despite it clearly being the designed bad ending for him.

So many fans of this version want to argue that it's a "valid" path to choose if you enjoy his character, or that it's equally good as his Spawn ending. The "it's what he wants" argument is the hegemonic justification in question.

But is wanting something better than needing another thing? Yes, he talks about ascension ever since he finds out about the ritual.

Yes, when push comes to shove he's still committed to ascend. But is this enough? Should we support his choice, even when everything but his words tell us not to? Should we trust the judgment of a deeply traumatized man about the best way for him to feel better?

This may sound harsh, but the answer is no.

Because in many circumstances, we see Astarion behaving unhealthily as a result of his trauma: he's hypersexual at the beginning of the game, using sex as a survival mechanism. He's yet to learn what his boundaries should be, what it means not to be an object, to see himself as a person that deserves respect and has so much more to offer than just his body. His trauma is still fresh. And he's so scared of losing his freedom, being trapped under slavery again.

We can't blame him being so desperate to feel safe that he will trade everything he is for it.

Because that's what the ritual means, Cazador says so himself: despite gaining the ritual's power, Astarion is still part of the bargain for said power. He still loses his soul in the process, and that is clear once we see how he acts post-ascension.

Of course, someone that is still suffering from the consequences of 200 years of abuse wouldn't care if he became less of himself, in the process of becoming untouchable ever again. Astarion's behaviour towards himself highlights that he doesn't care for the person he is because that person is, sadly, the product of those centuries of abuse.

He doesn't want to be that person anymore: even better, he doesn't want to be a person anymore: people suffer, people get taken advantage of, people are submitted by more powerful beings. He is willing to give this up not despite losing everything he is, but because of it. And that's what happens after his ascension: he retains his body, which becomes an empty shell of who he once was, with someone else inside of it to fill the void left by his soul.

This situation is a perfect, brutal metaphor of an abused person that later in life becomes the abuser himself, a thing that often happens to male victims of SA.

This is what is fundamentally wrong with Astarion's ascension: he's choosing power, his abuser's tool, over healing. Instead of learning to feel like a person again, to deal with his trauma to life after having endured it, he chooses to not feel anymore, while letting thousands of spawns (like he was) be consumed to get what he wants.

This terribly selfish act is the first instance of Astarion behaving like Cazador, considering the spawns as lesser beings, as nothing but his tools, like all vampire lords do. In this process he also sees himself, the person he gives up being, as a tool. He isn't healing. He's losing all of himself entirely.

Why would someone see this sacrifice as not only necessary to leave his trauma behind, but also preferable to healing from it?

The fan-favourite characteristic of Ascended Astarion is his behaviour towards Tav: in this version of "himself", he clearly is even more sexual than he was in his first days with the tadpole. And this expression of his sexuality is drastically different from the one we got to know prior to this point.

He is dominant, prevaricating, demanding in his avances: he enjoys being in a position of power even in his relationship.

This isn't the Astarion that slowly learns to trust his partner, to build a real loving relationship with someone who sees him as equal and truly cares for him.

Everything that he learns during his romance and his plot gets nullified by his ascension; and yet, this gets overlooked in favour of this more sexually appealing version of him. For people that claim to love his character because of his complexity, Ascended Astarion fans seem to only truly love him when he's less of himself than ever.

When all that's left of him is his body, and he behaves more like the toxic love interest from a young adult romance book, a great number of his fans get wild. Is this all that they want from him? The husk of the funny, sarcastic, dramatic and complex character, filled with this more traditionally masculine attitude, replacing what he used to be? An Astarion that never heals from his trauma, choosing to leave behind everything he was instead? Who resembles his abuser more than ever?

Do his fans who like his ascended version so much to genuinely think this is the best outcome for him, or do they just enjoy being able to project this "macho" fantasy on a physically attractive male character, that otherwise isn't anything like this prototype of man?

We can't help but think that appreciating Ascended Astarion is the same as believing in, if not loving, his hypersexual facade: it's overlooking his humanity in favour of sexualising him.

Which is the biggest disservice one could ever do to his character.