#suffer until i can buy another at the end of the year

[chenlezip]

haechan, the notebook ♡

⤷ summary : haechan, a poor man, falls in love with y/n who comes from wealth. they are forced to keep passion for each other aside due to societal pressure and a difference in the social stature of their families.

warning : smut, bit of angst, mentions of arguing - i uh.. don't know what else to add. annas note : the fourth of the movie series i'm doing for the dreamies !! and we have the notebook which healed and hurt me (i am currently rewatching it while writing and i'm sobbing while writing this) .

haechan was infatuated with you ever since he first saw you at the carnival. he had to go after you, it was love at first sight. he couldn't let you go.. he had to have you. he had begged you for a date and you reluctantly agreed. your friends had dragged you and him to go see a movie, they just ended up making out and you both decided to walk home afterward.

after that day, you both got closer and spent nearly everyday together. grabbing ice cream, riding the bike down the road while you're sat on the front, going to the movies, meeting his father and gifting him a beautiful painting. you also went to the beach with him and spent a nice day bathing around and swimming in the ocean together, sharing loving kisses and soft touches between one another.. at the lake with your friends, him teasing you because you were too scared to swing into the water. "get in the water baby. baby.. would you get in?" he smiled, speaking to you with that oh so soft loving tone of voice he only used with you.

despite all that - you two were different, arguing nearly all the time but you both were so in love it didn't matter.

dinner with your parents seemed to go smoothly, you did wait until night to escape the house and spend some time with haechan. he brought you to an empty house, teaching you about how old it is.. full of cobwebs, how he wants to buy it one day and redecorate everything in it. "i want a white house with blue shutters.. and a room overlooking the river so i can paint." "anything else?" the male looked at you as you walked toward him, grinning.

"yes. i want a big old porch that wraps around the entire house. we can drink tea.. and watch the sun go down." "okay." "you promise? you ask with puppy eyes and of course he can't help but melt at the look on your face. "mm-hmm, i promise." he speaks quietly.

after a couple minutes of investigating the house, haechan left soft kisses trailing down your neck as you sat against the piano that was left. you both undressed, you felt nervous in front of him as you kneeled down in front of him, he joined you. you both shared soft kisses, "hae.. i know i said i wanted you to make love to me but i think you..." "yeah?" haechan asked as he looked at you, pulling apart enough to look at you. "you're gonna have to talk me through this." you pant out.

"did i hurt you?" "no no.. i'm just having a lot of thoughts.. like what are you thinking about right now? did you know this was gonna happen when you brought me here? uh- i'm talking too much.. mums the word."

haechan nodded, "okay, you alright though?" he whispers before you speak again, "i just don't understand how you're so quiet like.. you don't have one thought?" you ask. "i'm going crazy over here but no, with you, everything's fine. you don't have a care in the world?"

you sat up as you stared at him, he seemed.. annoyed. you apologise, "i wanted this to be perfect but i can't shut up." "i love you, did you know that?" tears well up in your eyes as you nod, "i love you too."

"you don't have to do this if you don't want to." but you both got interrupted by one of your friends, jeno, who let both of you know that your parents had called the cops to look for you seeming as it was 2am..

but after that day - after haechan heard your parents shouting that he's trash and not suitable for you, things between you both suffered.. he left you and you were going back home.

time skip a couple years after everything had gone down and you had visited the old house where you and haechan had went that time in summer a long time ago. he walked outside, a drink in hand as he stared at you, visibly shocked. he had grown and become more attractive - floppy hair, a little facial hair and more tanned. he had built the house you talked to him about.. white, blue shutters, a big porch.

"hello.. i uh, saw your photo in the papers. the one with you and the house.. i just wanted to see if you were okay." "do you wanna come in?"

you got accustomed to each other again - it felt familiar. spending time in a boat again, surrounded by swans, feeding them and talking about life.. how different the two of you are. "you did everything.. the house. it's beautiful what you did." "i promised you i would."

you both got out of the boat after he pulled it back up from the river. you couldn't help but run over to him and ask why he hadn't written to you. you had waited over 7 years. "now it's too late!" you shout, the heavy downpour making it hard to hear your normal speaking voice.

"i wrote you 365 letters. i wrote you everyday for a year."

"you wrote me!?" "yes! it wasn't over. it still isn't over."

haechan pulled you into a harsh kiss, all those pent up feelings for you coming back into it. you couldn't help yourself - you melted into it as he picked you up and held you against him tightly. he takes you inside the house, still holding you against him and kissing you. you couldn't help yourself, undressing him and yourself as he hurriedly took you upstairs to his bedroom. he pinned you against the bed, soft whimpers leaving your lips.

you both shared an intimate moment together, your moans and pants coming out laboured as he fucked you gently, passionately, the way he wanted to all those years ago. "lets do it again." you beg as you climb on top of him and lower yourself onto him.

your mum had visited and gave you the letters she had hidden from you. you sat down beside haechan in the porch. "so.. what are you going to do, y/n?" "i don't know.."

"we're back to that? are we back there? what about the past couple of days? they happened, you know!" haechan sat up a bit, leaning his arms on his thighs. "i know they happened and they were wonderful, but they were also very irresponsible! i have a fiance!"

haechan gets up from the chair, running a hand through his hair as he kicks it back away from him. "so you make love to me.. and then you go back to your husband!?!" he sounds so destroyed. "was that your plan!?"

you both get into a heated argument, arms flailing. "you're bored and you know it!" "you son of a bitch.." you shout as you walk back to your car. "look at us - we're already fighting!"

"thats what we do! we fight! you tell me when i'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass - which you are.. 99% of the time! i'm not afraid to hurt your feelings."

he slams your car door shut and leans against it, you walk over and groan, "so what?"

"so what? it's not going to be easy, it's going to be really hard and we're going to have to work at this every single day but i want to that because i want you. i want all of you, forever, you and me. everyday." he has tears in his eyes and you can't help but break into a sob.

he continues, having a go at you and trying to make you decide who you're going to choose. "what do you want?" "it's not that simple-" " god damn it - what do you want?" he strains out.

you tell him you have to go. he walks away from your car and you immediately get in and drive away as he watches you, arms behind his head. he watches you go and that breaks your heart. you sob to yourself in the car, not watching where you're driving before swerving off the road and taking a breath. you just nearly crashed..

you decide to read the letters that haechan had wrote for you before continuing to drive off and wanting to leave him behind. maybe it was for the best.

tags : @injvns @polarisjisung @mejaemin @ayukas @hyckvr @yizhrt @blondemrk 

[greyias]

Delighted to report I finally cracked the code on my quest to successfully emulate Starbuck's Apple Crisp macchiato—and the secret is Oatly Barista Edition. That was the magic I was missing in my previous (admittedly still tasty) attempts. Not that anyone else is this obsessed about a seasonal apple pie flavored coffee drink as me, but for future reference, to create a 16 oz cup:

2 pumps syrup (aka 1 tbsp/0.5 oz)

3/4 cup Oatly Barista Edition oat milk floated on top of syrup

ice filled to 2 inches below the rim of the glass

top with 2 shots of blonde espresso

drizzle with spiced apple drizzle (or be lazy like me and just use this, it's close enough and lasts forever in the fridge)

✨✨ MAGIC ✨✨

[aaronsguccitie]

And another!!

hotch playing tea time with his daughter and he’s forced to wear tiaras, sit in a small chair, and drink his imaginary tea with his pinky up and mom!reader is just laughing and sneaks a picture to send to the team

- 💗

💗 anon, you shall get a hundred kisses <3

Tea time

Cw: fem!mom!reader, fluff, girl dad Aaron, no use of yn, Aaron being a complete pushover

Word count: 1.2k

----

His knees ache.

Come to think of it, so does his back. Sitting cramped in a plastic pink chair, folded nearly in half will do that to him, Aaron thinks. 

His stuffed companions don’t seem to suffer from the same fate. They’re happily drinking their tea and enjoying their biscuits, much like Aaron is supposed to be doing. He almost envies the way their furry legs rest comfortably on their matching pink chairs.

“Purple or pink?” Olivia asks him, holding out two tiaras. 

Aaron eyes the sharp combs at the end of them with mild terror. He opens his mouth to decline—he almost does, really—but Olivia’s eyes are wide and impatient, exactly like yours. 

The protest gets trapped in his throat. 

“Uhh, don’t you have a blue one?” He asks, mentally kicking himself. “I seem to remember buying you a blue tiara.”

“Nope! Purple or pink?” Olivia asks again. Her own tiara rests lopsidedly on her head, its purple jewels catching the sunlight streaming in through her bedroom window. The color matches with her Princess Rapunzel dress he’d gotten her at Disney World.

Well, at least nobody else is gonna see him in it.

“Purple,” Aaron decides. “So I can match with you, won’t that be nice?”

“But you won’t be the princess, too,” his daughter says. A small frown pulls her brows together, exactly the same as his—and way too stern for a four-year-old. Aaron gently touches the scrunch until it fades. “I’m the only princess.”

“Of course,” Aaron agrees softly. He adjusts her lopsided crown. “I’ll be the prince, is that okay?”

“No.” Olivia giggles, two of his dimples appearing in her cheeks. “Silly Daddy. You’ll be the king!” She says as she grabs the purple tiara and rises on her tiptoes, trying to reach the top of his head.

Aaron bends his neck down, a hand going to her waist to steady her until her heels touch the ground again. “How could I have forgotten,” he murmurs, his small smile turning into a wince when the combs of the tiara dig against his scalp. He bites down on his tongue to trap the hiss in his throat, forcibly stretching his lips into another smile as he looks up at Olivia with mildly watering eyes.

“How do I look?”

“Kingly.” His daughter giggles. Aaron blinks back the blurriness in his vision, smiling as Olivia picks up her purple fairy wand and waves it around theatrically before she clears her throat, “And now I dec—del…delcare—”

“Declare.”

“—declare it’s time for teatime!”

She sets down her wand and pours the very strong concoction of tap water into Aaron’s teacup, her tongue peeking out as she holds the lid of the teapot to keep it steady. Some of the faux tea spills over the rim and splashes onto his sweatpants, turning the fabric into a darker gray as Olivia hands him a plate of plastic cake when she’s done.

Aaron accepts it graciously. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He places the plate next to his tea and fumbles for the teacup, struggling to hook his finger through the handle.

“Y’welcome,” Olivia mumbles, too busy with pouring the rest of her guests’ tea.

Did they poke the hole with a needle? Aaron resigns himself to picking up the teacup from its sides. It gets swallowed up by his hands, his fingers overlapping around its circumference. 

“Being a hostess is hard work, isn’t it?” He asks as he watches her hand out cake slices to their stuffed companions.

“Mommy does it an’ she’s good at it.”

“She is,” Aaron chuckles, “guess you got that from her, huh?”

“Mhm.” Olivia finally plops down onto her chair, tilting her crown again as she reaches for her own teacup with a deep sigh.

“So how have you been ruling over your subjects?” Aaron asks seriously. He turns to the stuffed animals lining the table; her teddy and Jack’s orca and a battered unicorn from Penelope, “Are you all satisfied with the way Princess Livvy is treating you?”

“Princess Olivia, Daddy.” She corrects, frowning a little and continuing again before Aaron can remedy his mistake. “They say we go t’bed too early,” Olivia pouts.

“Do they? Well,” he brings the teacup to his lips again, pretending to take a sip, “I say—”

“Daddy, y’have to do this,” Olivia interrupts, picking up her own teacup and sticking out her pinky. She looks at Aaron expectantly.

“Oh, forgive me.” Aaron says and sticks his out, too. “Is that better?”

A muffled laugh catches his attention. That in itself makes him smile, but when he hears the not so subtle click of a camera, his eyes flick to you.

Caught.

You bite your lip and throw him a wink, disappearing behind the door frame with your phone held in your hand.

Aaron turns back to Olivia as he sets down his teacup. “I’m so sorry, your highness, may I be excused for a moment?”

“You’ll come back?” She frowns, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Aaron stifles a laugh; his daughter through and through.

“Yes, baby.” He promises.

Her frown clears. “Okay.”

Aaron eagerly gets up from the cramped chair, his knees cracking when he straightens. He stifles a wince and leaves Olivia’s bedroom, immediately finding you in the hallway just outside. There’s a grin on your face as you look down at your phone, thumbs flying over the screen.

You hear him and look up, your smile turning sheepish as you click your phone shut and slide it into your back pocket.

He crosses over to you, his arms wrapping around your body, hands dipping into your pockets to search for your phone.

“Delete that.” Aaron murmurs.

You slap his hands away. “Delete what?”

“The picture.” He lifts his brow. Your mouth drops open, no doubt to deny it, and he cuts across you, “I know you took one, honey, don’t play dumb.”

The corner of your lip pinches as you try to hold back a wider smile. “That’s a cute crown. But sorry, your majesty,” you bow, “it’s already been sent to the group chat.”

“Jesus Christ.” Aaron groans, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

A grin splits your face in half. You pull his hands away from his eyes, gently holding them in your own. “So does that make me queen now?” 

“It makes you a traitor. I’ll call Garcia about this.”

You blow a raspberry in his face. “Please. She’s the first one to back it up on all her devices. You’re too late, bossman,” you straighten his tiara.

Aaron winces as the combs dig in deeper. He gently holds your wrist, his scalp just shy of weeping blood.

Your eyes shine as you press your lips together, the corners of them turning up as you try in vain to hold back a smile. “You look very kingly, your majesty.” The edges of your voice quiver with a laugh.

Aaron sighs. “Your daughter said the same.” He drones flatly.

You can no longer hold back your laughter.

[leaawrites]

It's nice to have a friend

Percy Jackson x mortal fem!reader

Warnings: use of Y/n, mentions of almost dying, Percy's stupid at some points, friends to lovers

Summary: Percy can't let your hands freeze to death, only because he had to make you lose yours in the first place.

Masterlist

Looking out the window Y/n saw the frozen water falling down from above. Their heritage, the clouds, were a dark color of white, however the snow didn’t make the scene dark, it made it comfortable. It gave her a type of warm hug, a feeling she couldn’t forget. A feeling she wanted to save for the warm summer days, the same as she saves the sun for rainy days, and the rain for when the flowers bloom.

The bell rang, signaling that the lesson, and the school day therefor, was over. Y/n sighned, she did want to walk through the streets covered in snow, but her hands would freeze to death in the meantime, since she lost her gloves a year before.

With her hands in the pockets of her coat and her gaze on the floor, watching the snow squish under her boots, while new one fell onto them, she concentrated on the music in her ears. Only looking up when she heard child’s laughter. On the other side of the sidewalk, 4 kids were having a snowball fight, laughing together when one gets hit by the snow. Y/n stopped, admiring the fun in their eyes.

“You wanna join them?” A voice beside her asked.Turning around, she saw her best friend, Percy.

She would still concider him her best friend, even when he started to ditch her every summer for some summer camp he couldn't tell her too much about. She liked the boy, she really did. But something about his behavior when she asked him about it didn't sit right with her. It was like he didn’t want her to know. Before this, Percy would've told her everything. No matter what, she used to always be the first to know. Whether it be about a new school he was sent to or someone that bullied him on that day. It was always her. Now it were his new friends.

She tried to tell herself that it was because Percy wanted to leave some of his old life behind whenever he went to summer camp. Like it were two seperate worlds. But she knew that Grover, another friend of Percy's, was also there.

"I can’t," she answered. "I lost my gloves last year, after you had to take me to one of those." She pointed to the kids, smilling at the memory of back then.

“Oh, yeah.” He remembered, laughing at the memory as well.

Both of them were prepared to make the other go down and suffer in the snow that day a year ago. It was a simple and nice idea, until Percy decided he had to help a duck on the lake. At that time he hadn’t had snow gloves himself, so he borrowed Y/n’s.

Long story short, the duck ended up almost drowning, together with Percy, but could rescue itself, while the gloves were sliding from Percy’s hands and fell into the freezing water. He hadn’t bought her new one’s, he insisted on doing so, but she refused to accept them when he got them for her. She didn’t want him to spent his money on her, so she said she would buy new one’s herself. Since it was technically her own fault for giving them to him, when she knew they wouldn’t end up on her own pair of hands anyway. However, she forgot until it was too late.

"You almost died that day, how can you laugh about it?" She asked the pale boy. With the white snow surrounding him he fit right into it.

"t was a fun day, you can’t deny it, can you?" He asked her, searching for the comformation he always craved from her. He wanted her to agree with him in everything, so that he knew that they were still balancing on the same thin line like before all the sudden changes in his life.

Spending time with her always kind of made him feel more at ease. She was his home. She was who he was so used to, he could tell her everything. Besides about camp and his now second life. It was too dangerous. So, he keot it to himself. Rather have her angry than dead, right?

"It was a fun day," she agreed, stuffing her hands further into her pockets from the cold temperatures.

"Have mine," Percy said, holding his gloves into her direction, after seeing her shaking body.

"No, thanks,” she said, continuing walking home. "I’m not even that cold."

But the chattering of her teeth betrayed her and Percy looked at her with a dumbfounded expression.

"Then have one at least," he tried to compromise, looking into her eyes with that certain look. Raising his eyebrows, Percy moved the glove more to her body, until she couldn’t refuse to take it anymore. Rolling her eyes in annoyance, she put the black glove over her freezing hand. Feeling the warm of his hand from before, made an slight blush creep up on her face. Which she played off from the cold.

"What is with the other, genuis?" she asked. She didn’t want a second glove but a conversation.

He only took her hand into his, beginning to walk again, not looking at her once. Her face grew even hotter and her body was filling with warmth as their bare freezing skin touched and exchanged body heat. Both were burning from the desire of this being more than a friendly encounter.

[emoisthenewemu]

Favorite present! ~ Megumi Fushiguro x GN! Reader

A/N i live for soft boy megumi like SORRY but he is sensitive I don’t make the rules. i love him sm and plan to write more for him in the future.

If you were to ask Megumi Fushiguro what his favorite present was this year, he would probably say you.

Wc:1086

"Meguuumiiii" You whine from the hall, holding a cardboard box full of your friends' presents. Ones you handmade with blood, sweat, and literal tears. In fact, you had begun the project as early as October (before Halloween even).

What at first seemed to be a cute idea of making stuffed animals soon turned into a pain in the ass, taking up most of your free time.  Of course when you and Megumi would see each other you would refrain from letting it distract you but the very second he left or even fell asleep there you went-crocheting away. When he would walk in your dorm after a long day of class?

There you sat, legs crossed and an ever-so determined look on your face. Hunched over in a way that looked painful-which it definitely was because you had been complaining about your horrible back pain for the past two months.

Every time the two of you would FaceTime you would be groaning and sighing, complaining about how it was crooked or you put too much stuffing. That your fingers were cramping or now you need to start all over because it looks just awful.

Oh how annoying it was for Megumi to sit and watch you suffer over something absolutely no one is forcing you to do. He told you countless times to just give up and ‘buy everyone gift cards like a normal person’.

But he soon learned his lesson because every single time he said anything like that it just ended in a speech about how important it is to ‘finish things you started’ and you ‘promised yourself it wouldn’t be another abandoned project sitting in the closet’. Yes, Megumi understands. He still thinks you are insane. And he will tell you so.

“Isn’t that why you love me?” You say and he can only nod.

Megumi loves your tenacious spirit. How passionate you are about the things you care for. How lucky he is to be one of the things you are very passionate about. It is the only reason he continues to support you in your endeavor. As long as you promise you will not be doing this shit again next year. He even puts a cute little Santa hat on and wears matching slippers with you. It only took like five minutes of begging!

The only thing that continues to bother him is that you did not make him one. Surely you would have mentioned it by now. He would have seen it one of the countless times he walked in to find your room scattered with yarn and your many ‘rough drafts’. He would also be lying if he did not admit he went snooping around a few times when you were showering in the hopes of finding his.

Kugisaki is getting a white bunny. A pink bear for Itadori. There’s an animal for Maki, Yuuta, Inumaki, Gojo, a panda for Panda (duh), and nothing for him.

Maybe you forgot. You’ve been so busy making all of them and it must have slipped your mind. You probably did not even think he would want one. He has no stuffed animals in his room or anything even remotely similar. It’s not like he would cuddle it at night and think about you or anything.

So he delivers the gifts with you-with a smile on his face. Whatever Megumi considers to be a smile at least. Even ignoring the comments of how ‘whooped’ he is to be standing there matching with you. A thing he once swore he would never do.

Until he met you. You softened him up like butter. Gone is the aggression that was always his go-to in any situation. The way you loved him made him feel complete. He used to find it absurd that falling in love could change a person.

But you change him for the better. You challenge him emotionally without trying to change who he is deep down. You bring out the best and suppress the worst of him. Oh how Megumi loves you, more than words can describe.

It is your first Christmas together. As a couple at least so he may have went a bit overboard with the presents. He was trying very hard to impress you. He would be deeply embarrassed if he got you a bunch of presents and you got him nothing.

Surely that would not happen. You gave him a present last year. Why would this one be any different?

He is just anxious, a feeling he knows a bit too well. Megumi is an overthinker, sometimes he will let even the smallest things eat him up inside. He is nervously chewing at the inside of his cheek, holding the now empty box as you finish giving away your last present.

You grab his hand, squeezing it tight before pressing a kiss onto his cheek. “Thanks for coming with me handsome. Im so glad this is over” You groan and he chuckles at the exasperated look on your face. “You were so right. Never again” You peck his cheek again and he smiles contently.

Your touch is so comforting he does not even realize the two of you are heading back to your dorm instead of his. Too lost in the warmth of your smooth hands and intoxicating giggle.

It is not until you open the door and walk him inside that he understands that all of his worries were for nothing. Sometimes he forgets that you might love him just the same way he loves you. Maybe even more like you swear you do. He feels almost silly for doubting you. As he should.

Your small twin bed is covered in presents. His presents. They range all different sizes. But right in the middle, atop one of the gifts sits two little crochet figures.

Two wolves, a white and a black one.

His chest is warm and tingly. Megumi pulls you into a hug. Arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his head digging into the nape of your neck-he swallows the lump forming in his throat.

“Thank you” Megumi sighs into your chest, moving up to kiss your neck lovingly.

“Ohh Megs” You chuckle, trying to jump excitedly up and down but his arms prevent you from doing so. They grip you tighter. “You need to open them first!”

And he says something so cheesy he would have thrown up if the moment wasn’t so sweet. “You’re the only present I need”

[rawan-soso]

Hello, my name is Rawan. I am a 21 year old engineering student and I live in Northern Gaza with my family. Since the beginning of the war, we have been displaced more than 30 times and we have suffered from famine and illnesses. The situation has gotten better thanks to my campaign, but if I can’t get more donations, it will get worse again at the worst time, in the middle of winter.

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #347 )✅️

I am here to ask for your help. Sharing my post and my campaign can mean that someone who can donate will see us. It can save our lives!

A lot of our money recently had to be spent on firewood and the few winter clothes we could afford. We still don’t have enough for everyone and we are still freezing, but we can’t afford to spend more money on this. You see, we have a rent to pay. $500 every single month for one room with no door or windows that shelters 10 of us in a destroyed house. We live amongst bugs and rodents, but it’s still the better option. We used to live in a school until it was bombed. That kind of shelter is too dangerous and so is sleeping on the streets, so we can’t afford to miss out on rent.

Then we also have to buy food, of course. I swear, I never in my life thought that food could become so expensive. When we have enough donations, we can have one meal a day. It used to be flour bread, but with the siege, flour has become too expensive again. All we can find is expired canned food that I refuse to eat because it makes me sick. When we get a lot of money, we buy a few vegetables for way too much money. In the picture below, we paid $80 for these two vegetables. We haven’t tasted fruits or meat for more than a year.

Because of the lack of vitamins, we all suffer from malnutrition. My grandmother now has to use a wheelchair and suffers from many conditions including high blood pressure. My mother was also diagnosed with high blood pressure recently and has a severe infection in her eye. I suffer from hypothyroidism which I can’t access treatment for anymore as well as a bacterial skin infection that feels like it’s burning my whole body, even spreading to my face, due to our living conditions and the polluted air and water. Medicines are a distant dream because we need to buy food and pay rent first.

My youngest sister Soso, who recently turned 4, also suffers from malnutrition and shock from seeing people get ripped apart by bombs multiple times. She cries from hunger at night as she blocks the sounds of bombs with her hands on her ears. It breaks me that I can’t provide her with her basic rights as a child. I don’t know how to explain it to her.

We recently had to spend about $2,000 on a portable battery because it was becoming increasingly harder to find ways to charge my phone, and without my phone I can’t access the little money we have or promote my campaign. It feels like an impossible situation where I have to spend $100 every time I am given $10. It is exhausting. I can’t see the end of it and my hard work isn’t paying, people always stop hearing me after a few days. I am extremely depressed. The only people donating lately are my friends and my family members abroad, but they can only give so much.

Please help us. I swear I wouldn’t ask if there was another choice. If you can’t donate, please share widely, because there is someone out there who can. Every repost helps, every sharing of the campaign link helps, please. Soso deserves to have a full stomach as we wait until we can rebuild our lives.

[memories-of-ancients]

Just curious, why do you think Rome fell?

OMG do you really have to ask such a big question right before I was going to bed anon? Well, here are the primary reasons IMO as a Roman history buff.

Lots of Civil Wars --- The Romans going way back to the days of the Republic were constantly fighting over who was going to be boss. Sulla fought a civil war and took over Rome and declared himself dictator, ditto Julius Caesar, and of course Octavian did the same and became the first emperor. During the empire there were many civil wars over who would be emperor as the Imperial system often lacked rules for succession resulting in dynastic struggles and civil wars. Not that it would have mattered if they did, as they probably would have just ignored the rules. In the 3rd century the empire underwent a 50 year period of near constant civil war known as the Crises of the Third Century. Constantine became emperor after killing all his opponents in a civil war. The later half of the 4th century had more civil wars. Even in the 5th century factions were fighting each for control of an empire that was collapsing all around them. No side wins a civil war because they are bloody, destructive, there are no spoils of war. There is only self destruction, they are about as helpful to a country as would a person shooting himself in the foot. All the money and resources that went into fighting civil wars and rebuilding after the war was money and resources not being used to maintain infrastructure, maintain public works, regulate the economy, defend from outside threats, and maintain the government.

2. Political Instability --- Most emperors did not die of natural causes, most emperors were murdered, or committed suicide, or died in battle, or died in a prison cell. Roman government was chalk full of power hungry psychopaths who were willing to murder their way to the top. Sometimes emperors could come and go quickly, with reigns lasting 2-3 years or less in the 3rd century.

Roman political history was rife with intrigue, assassinations, and coups occurring all the time. It was like Game of Thrones except instead of lasting 8 seasons it lasted 500 years.

3. The Army Became a Powerful Interest Group --- If you were a Roman emperor the army was a double edged sword. They were good in that they maintained peace and order in the empire and protected it from invaders. They were bad for you in that they could revolt and murder you, replacing you with someone they liked more. Even your own guard, the Praetorian Guards, couldn't be trusted as they could easily slit your throat in your sleep and declare someone else as emperor. To make sure the army was happy, you gave them big pay bonuses called donatives. Basically official bribes paid to keep the soldiers of the army loyal and happy. With each successive emperor the annual donative became bigger and bigger and thus a greater strain on the Imperial Treasury. If an emperor didn't pay up, he could be murdered by his own soldiers. Thus a lot of public money was paid just to keep the army happy so they didn't end up starting another civil war.

4. A Fucked up Economy --- Maintaining a large standing army to defend a large empire is expensive. Fighting civil wars is expensive. Rebuilding after civil wars is expensive. Constant regime change is expensive. Political intrigue is expensive. Eventually it got to the point where there just wasn't enough money to pay for all that. So emperors just minted more money, decreasing the silver content and minting more copper coins until eventually Roman money became worthless.

Today Roman money is still worthless. Go on ebay and find the cheapest Roman coins you can buy. Except for rarer collectibles Roman coins are still very plentiful and thus very cheap to collect. Worthless money made trade and commerce difficult, and thus the economy suffered. Not to mention constant bloody and destructive civil wars were damaging the economy. Political instability also damaged the economy.

5. Growing Disparity in Wealth --- Over time with civil wars and political instability the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. Eventually wealth became so concentrated in the upper class that the middle class disappeared entirely by the late 4th - 5th century. By then the average Roman was in a bad way. They had no opportunities and most Romans were forced to live as tenant farmers, essentially sharecroppers.

6. A Corrupt Tax System --- Meanwhile the wealthy became so powerful that they were able to wield that power so that they did not have to pay taxes. They could exploit loopholes, manipulate laws in their favor, or bribe their way out of paying. To try to make up the revenue, tax collectors attempted to squeeze the lower classes, which of course, didn't have any money. Thus by the late 4th - 5th century the empire was severely underfunded. This resulted in the degradation of infrastructure, public works, the army, the weakening of the government, and less investment in the economy and commerce.

7. Patronage --- By the 5th century the average Roman was out of opportunities and the middle class was gone entirely. More and more the lower class Roman was being squeezed for tax money, money which they didn't have. So in order to survive, Roman lower classes sold their services to a wealthy patron. The patron would house you and protect you and take care of your tax problems. If you were lucky and had special skills like a craftsman or artist you could make a good living under a patron. If not, you probably ended up a tenant farmer tied to the land of the patron, essentially a sharecropper, a serf, or a peasant. Due to this change in the socio economic system power was drawn away from the Imperial government and was redirected to the wealthy patrons. Thus the empire was becoming decentralized.

This would become the basis for medieval feudalism.

8. No One Wanted to Join the Army --- Why would you? You're dirt poor and have no opportunities. If you joined the army you may not even get the opportunity to defend the empire, as you're gonna get killed in a stupid civil war fighting a fellow Roman who is also dirt poor and has no opportunities. Your government is corrupt, your emperor is a snobbish entitled incompetent dipshit who was out of touch with reality, the tax man is trying to squeeze you for money you don't have, you have no rights, you've been forced to become a peasant to a proto-feudal lord, and it is clear the empire is dying. By the mid 5th century most Romans were like, "let it fucking die". As a result, the army suffered severe manpower shortages. Right at the time when Goths and Franks and Vandals and Huns are going to start swarming into the empire.

These to me are the primary reasons for the fall. Anyone have anything else to add in addition to this?

[mariacallous]

The story is told of the U.S. Secretary of State, who on a diplomatic mission to London, Moscow, and Jerusalem, decided to take a break and look for some new clothes. In each city, the secretary went to the tailor to ask, “For $100, what can you make me?” The British tailor offered to make a sweater and a tie. The Russian tailor could make a vest and a pair of pants for that sum. But in Jerusalem, the answer came as a surprise. “For $100 I can make you several shirts, a sport coat, and I’ll throw in a few pairs of pants,” the Israeli tailor said. Stunned, the U.S. diplomat asked how the same money could buy so much more in Israel. “It’s really quite simple,” the tailor replied: “Out here, you’re not so big.”

As we mark the first year of the Israel-Hamas war and the escalating crisis on another front between Israel and Hezbollah, nowhere is the United States’ “out here, you’re not so big” problem more stunningly and tragically apparent. The administration of U.S. President Joe Biden has not been a potted plant. While the flow of assistance to the suffering population of Gaza has been galactically insufficient, not a scintilla of aid would have gotten through without U.S. pressure. Nor would negotiations to secure the release of 105 out of roughly 252 hostages during the temporary cease-fire in late 2023 have succeeded without a central U.S. role. The Biden administration has also been successful through deterrence, pressure, and diplomacy in preventing the escalation of the Israel-Hamas war into a broader regional war—until now, that is.

Nonetheless, it should be painfully obvious that, despite its tireless efforts, Washington has been unable to negotiate a cease-fire to de-escalate the Israel-Hamas war, let alone end it. Indeed, over the past year, Washington has failed to fundamentally alter the strategic calculations of the conflict’s two principal decision-makers, Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. While Washington and other allied stakeholders have attempted to pressure and persuade, they have yet to succeed in reshaping the two decision-makers’ convictions that continuing the conflict held greater benefits than de-escalating it. (Israel’s ground operation in Lebanon and Iran’s missile strikes on Israel this week also demonstrate the way the administration has been unable to control events in the region).

Some view the U.S. failure with moral outrage given the deaths of thousands of Palestinian civilians and the humanitarian catastrophe imposed upon the people of Gaza. Others just shake their heads, wondering why the world’s most powerful nation—with great leverage over Israel and allies who had significant sway with Hamas—couldn’t do much more to end the conflict. Why not, indeed.

That the United States could not have its way through force or diplomacy in response to perhaps the most complex Middle East crisis in decades should have surprised no one. CIA Director William Burns, one of the most astute analysts of Middle East politics, couldn’t have said it better. In his four decades of involvement in the Middle East, Burns said in January that he’d “rarely seen it more tangled or explosive.”

Indeed, the complexity of the conflict has only highlighted the limitations of outside powers. In a conflict where the stakes are perceived to be existential—involving the political or physical survival of key decision-makers and the traumas to their respective publics—the ability of outside powers to exert significant influence diminishes. At the same time, local resistance to external pressure grows.

The attack on Oct. 7, 2023, was a unique and unprecedented crisis that only magnified the “out here, you’re not so big” problem, leaving the United States in the role of a modern-day Gulliver, wandering around the region, tied up by the interests of smaller powers that were not its own and driven to try well-intentioned diplomacy that had little chance of succeeding.

The Oct. 7 Problem

Oct. 7 presented the Biden administration with a veritable mission impossible. Hamas’s indiscriminate killing, raping, torture of civilians, and hostage-taking was followed by Israel’s punishing airstrikes, which seemed to put a focus on damage rather than accuracy. The invasion that followed guaranteed thousands of civilian deaths, given Hamas’s decision to collocate its military assets in, around, and below civilian populations and structures, and virtually guaranteed that U.S. influence would be limited.

Indeed, through most of the last year, it was Netanyahu and Sinwar who controlled the trajectory of the conflict, leaving the United States to react to the table they set. Israel’s goals were maximalist: to destroy Hamas as a military organization and end its control of Gaza. And Netanyahu’s politics—his constant looking into the rearview mirror to ensure that his extremist ministers wouldn’t bolt from the governing coalition—hovered over his security decisions, making it impossible to do any postwar planning and facilitate a steady flow of badly needed assistance to Gaza.

Sinwar’s goals focused on restoring the centrality of Palestinian rights on the international and regional agenda; blocking normalization between Israel and Saudi Arabia; and demonstrating that it was Hamas, not Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas, that was to be the agent of Palestinian redemption. He also hoped to incite a broader war between Israel and regional countries. In any case, reconciling what Sinwar sought and what Netanyahu wanted was impossible. These were hardly the kind of positions that would lend themselves to a negotiation that the United States could broker.

The Biden administration’s influence was further constrained by the nature of a conflict between a close U.S. ally and a group that, by statute and force of law, the United States considers a foreign terror organization. Biden’s emotional statement in the wake of the Oct. 7 massacre and his early visit to Israel reflected his deep and abiding support for the country. These served to tether Washington to Israel’s war aims almost from the outset and left little incentive to pressure Israel, let alone break with the Netanyahu government over disagreements with Israeli tactics and how to achieve those aims. Toughness with Israel was invariably interpreted as being weak on Hamas—an unsustainable position in light of Hamas’s taking, abusing, and murdering hostages, including Americans.

Once the United States developed the idea of an Israel-Hamas cease-fire as a mechanism to de-escalate the war, Washington was forced to work within the parameters of the two leaders, neither of whom saw much value or utility in closing a deal. The United States was played by both sides. And neither Qatar nor Egypt, the primary go-betweens for Hamas, had the power, incentive, or inclination to appear to be pressing Hamas while Israelis were carrying on a war against the group—and in the process wreaking misery on the Palestinian population.

The Netanyahu Problem

Perhaps nowhere is the “out here, you’re not so big” challenge more acutely demonstrated than in the dynamic between the Biden administration and Netanyahu, the longest-governing prime minister in the history of Israel. Long mistrustful of the United States, Netanyahu has played the president and the administration, at times crudely, at times like a finely tuned violin.

Let’s be clear: Hamas leader Sinwar also played the Americans. But Sinwar heads a militant organization that executes Americans and is inimically opposed to U.S. interests. He’s not the leader of a country closely aligned with the United States and its president, whose support for Israel seemed to have no limit. No reciprocity or cooperation is to be expected from Hamas. In Netanyahu’s case, the image of a close ally seemingly exploiting the largess of another highlights the perennial problem of the small power taking advantage of the big. And when it becomes a pattern of behavior, it reflects the paradox of the small power demonstrating focus and strength and the dominant power exhibiting weakness and indecision.

U.S.-Israel relations have had their ups and downs in the past. And former U.S. presidents and Israeli prime ministers have argued over policy. But what made the current Biden-Netanyahu dynamic even worse and diminished U.S. credibility even further was the perception—grounded in reality—that the divide wasn’t so much driven by Israel’s national interests but by Netanyahu’s political interests.

What this meant in practice was that on many issues—facilitating international assistance into Gaza,  prioritizing the return of hostages, planning for postwar Gaza, and avoiding an explosive situation on the West Bank—Netanyahu’s decision-making was shaped by the demands and requirements of his right-wing government, particularly his two extremist ministers, Bezalel Smotrich and Itamar Ben-Gvir.

This dynamic was most clearly on display when it came to negotiations over an Israel-Hamas cease-fire, highlighting the humiliation and embarrassment of the big power at the hands of the small. Time and again, the prime minister would say yes, then maybe, and then no. Netanyahu would send his negotiators but with limited mandates.

Sinwar was clearly as much responsible—perhaps even more, in the wake of Hamas’s execution of six hostages—for the impasse as Netanyahu. But Sinwar wasn’t conveying commitments directly to the president and senior administration officials. Indeed, just last week, Netanyahu committed himself to a U.S.-French proposal for a cease-fire between Israel and Lebanon only to walk that commitment back, temporarily seeming to endorse its aims while knowing full well that he had set into motion the assassination of Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah.

The Leverage Problem

So if the great power is being taken advantage of by smaller ones, then why doesn’t the Biden administration—or the vaunted international community, for that matter—impose a single cost or consequence on Israel or Hamas that would alter the trajectory of the conflict?

Let’s do the easy ones first. We have no answer to the question of how to alter the behavior of a Palestinian decision-maker safely ensconced in tunnels that have not been made accessible to the thousands of Palestinian civilians exposed and killed by Israeli bombs. Having spent two decades in Israeli prisons, Sinwar surely knew how Israel would respond to Oct. 7, how many Palestinians would die, and how he would at some point meet his end at the hands of Israel. Whether any single Arab state or collection of states could force Sinwar to end the conflict or agree to de-escalate it will have to remain a thought experiment. None was likely able or willing to try.

As for Israel, it should be quite clear by now that the Biden administration, like most of its predecessors, has been unwilling and unable to apply maximum pressure, let alone break with its Israeli ally over the conduct of Israel’s prosecution of its wars against Hamas or Hezbollah. Former presidents have been willing to use discrete pressure at times. The Nixon administration kept Israel from destroying Egypt’s third army to preserve prospects for a diplomatic breakthrough between Egypt and Israel. Former President Ronald Reagan suspended the delivery of advanced fighter aircraft over Israeli policies in Lebanon. The administration of GeorgeH.W. Bushdenied housing loan guarantees because of Israel’s settlement construction as it was trying to put together the Madrid peace conference.

In fact, when I first heard the anecdote about the Israeli tailor, it was attributed to Bush’s secretary of state, James Baker. I asked Baker whether it was his yarn—he laughed and said he wished it was.

But real pressure? You’d need to go back to the Eisenhower administration, when the president threatened to sanction Israel unless it withdrew its forces from Sinai during the failed British-French-Israeli campaign to seize the Suez Canal from President Gamal Abdel Nasser’s Egypt.

It’s not that the Biden administration lacks leverage on Israel. The president has many tools in his arsenal, such as conditioning or restricting U.S. military assistance to Israel; introducing or supporting a United Nations Security Council resolution that is critical of its policies in Gaza; demonstrating its displeasure by joining 140-plus countries—most recently Ireland, Spain, and Norway—in recognizing a Palestinian state, or joining near-international consensus in calling for an immediate cessation of hostilities, threatening consequences if neither side complied.

Biden chose none of these actions due to a confluence of factors: the president’s deep emotional commitment to the idea, security, and people of Israel honed over decades; the United States’ domestic political landscape, where the Republican Party has emerged as the “Israel-can-do-no-wrong” party, and a policy fixated on a cease-fire that required the agreement of both Israel and Hamas. Biden’s anger grew and slipped out from time to time. But with the exception of a delay in the shipment of some heavy bombs, that anger never translated into concrete or sustained changes in policy.

Would the application of pressure have worked? We’ll never know, though there’s reason to doubt it. Stephen M. Walt argued here in Foreign Policy that a patron’s leverage over a client diminishes when the matter at hand is of vital importance to the latter and when shared values as well as political and institutional constraints impose costs on the patron for exerting pressure. Add to that the often ignored but critically important reality that when it comes to its friends, partners, and allies, the United States rarely (if ever) uses sustained pressure or leverage on an issue that the latter considers vital to its own national or political interests. And if few U.S. presidents want to tangle with their friends that lack significant political resonance, why would a president want to break with an ally that has significant domestic support?

No U.S. administration has ever faced a situation with its Israeli ally quite like Oct. 7, where the unique nature of the conflicts with Hamas and Hezbollah were seen in near existential terms; an Israeli prime minister was determined to do most anything to remain in power; and the absence of a realistic diplomatic pathway combined with a preternaturally pro-Israeli president and domestic politics, especially in an election year, to limit the United States’ options and influence.

It’s Not Our Neighborhood

The story of the secretary and the tailor makes a powerful point that U.S. diplomats and negotiators often forget: For all their military and political muscle, great powers are not always so great when they get mixed up in the affairs of smaller ones in a neighborhood owned by the latter.

The U.S. experience in Afghanistan and Iraq, where the standard for victory was never “could we win” but rather “when can we leave and what will we leave behind,” is perhaps the most tragic cautionary tale. And the set of U.S. diplomatic successes in helping to resolve the long-term Arab-Israeli conflict is stunningly small. The United States has had great success against the Islamic State and al Qaeda and has kept the homeland secure from foreign terrorist attacks. But the Middle East is littered with the remains of great powers who wrongly believed that they could impose their will, schemes, ambitions, dreams, and peace plans on smaller ones.

Indeed, this region is more often than not a place where American ideas go to wither or die. This is particularly the case in conflicts that have long histories where identity, trauma, memory, and religion play dominant roles.

As we mark the first year after Oct. 7, we should remind ourselves that ignoring the region, let alone leaving it to its own devices, isn’t an option. But neither is transformation. The United States has allies, interests, adversaries, and vital interests there. The locals will always have a greater stake; be more invested; and be willing to run greater risks for good or ill than the United States ever will.

U.S. leadership is important, but it isn’t the key. What matters more is having Israeli and Palestinian leaders who are masters of their politics, not prisoners of their ideologies—leaders who are not extractive and who care about the future of their own people and are willing to reach out to one another with a vision of a shared future.

Without that, we have nothing; with it, we at least have a chance to create a better pathway forward for Israelis and Palestinians alike.

[ultralightpoe]

Spellbound Part 2 - Geralt of Rivia

Authors Note: Sorry it took so long, I just really had no clue how to do the first part justice

Word Count: 3,876

Warnings: reader is a brothel worker

Description:Part two to the first. FIRST PART HERE

Enjoy!

There were many times in Geralt's life where he felt an undeniable rage, and there were many times that he let that rage affect him until he was forced to suffer the consequences of all his actions. He had learned over the years that there were ways of handling his rage, there were ways of dealing with sadness and pain. 

He had been through so much, and yet he stood, and he always told himself that it would be worth it. Soon enough he would find something that would make it all worth it, and he had found that in you. 

Your soul matched his in a way he never thought possible, and though you didn’t have the same physical scars you had both been through more than you can imagine. And he always found himself gravitating to you, the one person in the world that he felt never judged or expected anything from him. 

Sure, he obviously did not know how to deal with this. He never knew how to talk to you, what to say and when to say it, and he really did not know how to seem casual just as Jaskier always could. Not to mention he was constantly worried about losing you. He felt like a flame, loving something so much and trying to engulf it into warmth only for it to burn and vanish. 

You had been through so much, he never wanted you to burn and he couldn’t imagine a life without you. 

So, even if he couldn’t show emotion or manage to properly show his love, he allowed Jaskier to grow close to you. Geralt made sure that you were physically safe, warm and fed. It was the least he could do. 

He never wanted to leave you wanting for anything, and he desperately tried to find ways to show you yet nothing ever worked. 

But then you were his, for one small moment he had you and he felt as though everything was worth it again. He would burn the world down for you, slay any monster and batter any mortal. It was all yours for the taking…

Until you burned. 

How ironic, how hard he fought to keep you at arms length only to lose the battle in a split moment, and be proven right just like that. 

Now you were gone. 

He knew exactly where you were, had already tried to get you, only to be stopped at the door each time.  Each time he was stopped he wanted to crush their skulls, storm up to wherever they were keeping you and try to explain. 

He would drag you out the door himself just to make sure you never had to do this again. But there were laws, as well as contracts. He would never be allowed to see you unless he could pay the fee, and you would never be allowed to leave unless you could buy out your contract. 

If he managed to get to you and help you escape there would still be the hassle of everyone hunting you down, and word spreads from town to town quickly when it comes to Witchers. 

“How much?” He growls, keeping his eyes narrowed in on the older woman before him, watching her lean back on her chair and fix her dress. She was unlike any other brothel owner he had come across, the others always had a protective notion for the girls. This one seemed vindictive in every word she spoke. 

“Witcher, I have told ye the last 4 times ye have been here that she is not for sale.” She laughs, reaching a foot out to kick the pouch of gold he had laid on the table in front of her. Her dress rides up exposing a very scarred leg, and his stomach tightens at the atrocities you must be going through with this hag and any man she rented you out to.  “Y/n is the emerald of all brothels, before she came upon mine she was already widely known for her beauty, not to mention her time with the Witcher? Men are practically killing themselves to have a moment with her. I stand to make more keeping her than I ever would selling her back to you.”

“Her contract-”

“Has another 4 years under my roof. By the end of that I could be far far away from this continent. Don’t you understand?” She leans forward, knocking the satchels down and watching all the gold pieces fall on the ground. 

That had been 4 months work, 4 months of Geralt working himself to the bone and saving up in a chance to save you. He hadn’t eaten properly or slept more than 2 hours a night in that span of time. 

Images flash through his mind, him ringing this wenches neck in or slamming her head into the fire. Maybe he could slice her head off in one clean motion. 

But he doesn’t, because he understands the consequences. So he bites his tongue and stands straighter. “I just want to see her-”

“Then you pay, just as everyone else.” The Madame sneers, leaning across the table. “I don’t give a fuck if you love her witcher, though I don’t believe you are even capable of that, my rules stay the same. You want to see her then you pay for her time.”

He leans forward, smirking a bit when her attitude drops in fear for a moment, before tilting his head. “Then how fucking much?”

-

“I really do not believe you were worth 230 gold pieces-” Lord Servail huffs, struggling to shove himself back into his trousers. You struggled not to roll your eyes as you sat up, pulling the sheet to cover yourself and looking at the floorboards of the raggedy room. 

You had learned that the men of this village did not like to be watched, most of them married and most of them carrying guilt. You had merely assumed Lord Servail to be the same. 

“Have you nothing to say, whore?” He bellows, walking across the room to grab at your chin. A moment of panic sinks in, one hand holding the sheet tight while the other grabs at his wrist in an attempt to free yourself. 

“I do not understand what you mean, sir-”

“You are boring! You just laid there like a fucking corpse-”

“That didn’t seem to stop you from finishing within a minute-” The slap sounds out and for a second you wonder what he hit, then you open your eyes and feel the stinging on your cheek to realize it had been you. 

A bitter laugh slips past your lips as you taste the iron. 

Blood trails down past your lips as tears spring up in your eyes, the sheets under you stained and ripped from the past month. You think of Geralt in this moment, wishing that you were near him even if he ignored you. 

There had always been a calming factor to the witcher that you never understood, maybe it was a feeling of safety or maybe you just liked that he never showed much anger. He took anything that affected him and made a rational judgment. 

He was a man of trust, and he had never let anything harm you. Sure he yelled at you when he thought you stupid, and made condescending remarks, but you never felt as though he would lay a hand on you. 

“Is that all?” You sniffle, reaching a hand up to stop the blood as he steps back. The man stares at you before yelling out and storming out of the room, shirt untied as well as the trousers. You hear him yelling at your Madame before he leaves and you move over to the basin in the corner to clean yourself off. 

You clean your nose before moving to clean your legs, letting the tears fall freely as you hear her heels come down the hall. 

“You’ve just cost yerself yer pay, I’ll tell you that much.” Madame snaps, the door swinging hard enough to make the wall shake as she marches in. “I told ye that Lord Servail was a valued client and you-”

“Smiled pretty and let him cum. He really didn’t complain much until it came time to pay.” You snark, watching her face pull up. “Have I any news? Anyone come to see me?” 

It had been a month, and you had kept hoping that maybe Geralt or Jaskier would come to see you. At least try to get you back, but nothing. No letters, no visits, nothing. 

“Yer Witcher isn’t comin for ya’. So I suggest you fix yerself up and get back to work.” The Madame snarls, tossing the silk robe at you before storming back out. 

That lonely feeling that clung to you the day you left never seemed to fade, it folds in around you now as you pull into yourself. Knees hugged to your chest as you hide your face and cry. 

Truly what did you expect? That he would come pounding on the door? Try to save you? The salty taste of the tears mixes in with the iron as you sob. You had been foolish, so very foolish. 

Geralt must be at least 6 towns away by now, barely even thinking of you. 

-

“I am terribly sorry to inform ye, Witcher, that my emerald is stacked up for the next week and a half.”

“Bullshit.”

She snarls at him, standing quickly and snatching a heavy book from the desk behind her before slamming it on the table. “Take a fucking look then.” 

He doesn’t waste a moment, snapping through the pages one by one until he reaches your ledgers. Your handwriting is at the top, neat and clean from the ink, dated that day you dashed from the tavern. 

The very same day he had raced over here to see you. 

The day after he had you in his arms. 

The memory of it flashes through him, the way he snatched you like a caveman. He tries to reason with himself that he believed it to be consensual, that he hadn’t realized you were under a spell. But it didn’t matter. 

He treated you in a way he swore to himself he never would, and he made you so uncomfortable that you ran. 

Bile rises in his throat as embarrassment and guilt claw through him, he snaps through your pages to see dozens of signatures on each page. “You have her seeing twelve clients each day?”

“This is a busin-”

“Is she eating enough? Sleeping enough? Are you giving her proper time to rest?”

“I’m not a fucking babysitter-”

“If you are abusing your contract then she has a right to leave!”

She stares at him, watching for a moment with wide eyes as her cheeks go red. Then she fixes herself, clearing her throat before shouting out loud. “BOYS!” He doesn’t fight it as they grab both of his arms, instead he lets them carry him to the door and throw him to the mud below. 

“Guessing she didn’t take it?” Jaskier asks, watching Geralt pick himself up, checking to make sure he still had the satchel of gold. “Surprise surprise.”

All Geralt could do at this point was grunt, moving towards Roach as the barb fixes his coat. 

“I have another job, heard whispers of a screaming creature in the woods not far off from here. Figured you’d want to go out and make more gold so we can do this all again over and over and over.” 

“She’s overworking her, I just know it. Not enough time to eat or sleep-”

“Geralt, as much as I love Y/n, I think we need to….evaluate our current situation.”

“I NEED TO -”

“Get to her. I know. I’m not saying anything otherwise. I just want you to think about whether you want her to see you like this.”

“I want to see her safe.”

“And Y/n would want the same of you. Besides, we obviously have no power against the brothel system.”

“I have fought countless beasts-”

“And I am still your only friend. It’s time you admit it Witcher, humans aren’t your best expertise.” 

If this was any other moment Geralt would ignore him, hop onto Roach and pretend the worm didn’t exist. But he was tired, so tired he truly didn’t think he could even climb onto the horse. 

“Then what do you suggest?”

“First? Sleep. Then? We find an outside source.”

- 

Two months in and winter had finally come. 

You found yourself huddling together with Snae, a brothel worker that had been here a little longer than you, but hadn’t been that much older. This had been the first night you both had off this entire time, and it hadn’t been a purposeful thing. 

There had been a ball in the village, apparently a beast had been slaughtered and most of the nobles and rich men left in their carriages far away. Which meant you were free to huddle close to your friend for warmth as you tried to fight off the winter air. 

“I imagined this brothel warmer.” She sniffles, pressing her forehead to your arm as you shiver. “I was told this was one of the best-”

“It is….. To their guests.” You laugh, tired and aching. Honestly you could barely move, and you hadn’t managed to make it at dinner hour since you had been with a client. But Snae was nice enough to sneak you in a roll of bread. 

“I want to get out of here.” She admits in a quick breath, and you can’t help but smile at the admission. 

You had often imagined ways you would escape, but the truth was you had nowhere to go and no one to leave for. What would you have if you left here? Nothing.

So instead you close your eyes, and lean into her as you whisper. “Where would you go?”

“Home. To find my sister.” 

“You have a family?” 

“A little sister, it’s why I am here. I wanted to make sure she had something to pay for food.” Something tears at your chest, and within a moment you think of a plan. 

“Then let’s get you out of here.”

It takes a mere 30 minutes to pack her a travel pack using a sheet from the bed, rushing to your room to pick up the floorboard where you keep the little pay you make, 10 silver coins. Tossing them in her satchel before tiptoeing to the attic where the largest window was. 

“Shhh.” You whisper when she slips, the wood beneath her scraping under her shoe. Helping her stand before moving to the window. Unlatching it was easy, the winter air covering both of you in a moment. “You swill slide from this section to the next. Until you make it to that tree.”

“You go first.”

“I am not coming.” You laugh, clearing some of the snow from the sill. 

“You must.” 

“No, I have nothing. Besides, one of us needs to stay and give you time.” 

“Y/n-”

“If she begins hunting you then go and find the witcher. Do you hear me?”

“He wouldn’t help someone like me.” She laughs, and you merely stare at her. 

“I think you would be surprised of just how good of a person the Witcher is, though he likes to pretend he is not.”

“What should I say to him if I must find him?”

“That the Geralt I know would keep you safe. Now go.” 

You help her climb up the sill and onto the roof, watching her slide down in the flimsy robe Madame forces you to wear and make sure she makes it to the tree safely before closing the window. 

You allow yourself one moment to press your forehead against the cold glass of it, your breath hitting the glass to form a smudge.  You imagine escaping yourself, maybe going out to find Jaskier. 

But that was unrealistic. 

And you were obviously unwanted.

-

“Please, it’s very important-” A strong female voice fills the air as Geralt breathes in the scent of roast and ale. There was also smoke from the fires but he was far too hungry to admire that scent on it’s own.  “They said that he was here and-”

“First round of ale on me.” Jaskier sings out, moving to the counter as Geralt rolls his eyes. Jaskier was carrying his gold sack so truly the first round was on him. 

He was six villages away from you right now, landing at a cheap tavern for the night before they set up camp. They were here to listen for jobs. 

The plan, as terrible as it was, had been to travel to find Yennefer and along the way they would earn some extra gold. That way when they go they can send the witch in to make the deal, or at least pretend to make the deal as she can try to sneak you out. 

It was a terrible plan……. Because it was Jaskiers plan. 

“Please, I need to find the witcher.” That draws Geralt's attention away from the hearth he had been glaring into, head whipping to spot the young woman clutching the shoulders of a little girl as she begs the man once more. “If you could just tell me where he would be staying-”

“Witchers aren’t allowed in the fucking taverns here, so shut yer trap before I put it to work-.” Before Geralt could stop himself his hand is shooting out, catching the man by the back of the neck. At his movement the hood he had been wearing falls and the people around him all quiet down. 

The womens eyes fall to him, widening. “You are just as Y/n described.”

Something tightens in his chest at the mention of your name, and he finds himself nodding to Jaskier to lead the girl outside. The air hits him, the warmth gone but there was nothing that would hinder him from the conversation. 

“You know Y/n?” His voice is rough, the heat traveling his skin hiding him from the cold. The woman's eyes are filled with tears and the young girl is shoving her face in the smallest scrap of dress he had seen, so in one quick moment he rips his hood off to hand to them. “Is that what you wear in this cold?” “Please, I… I’m from the same brothel as Y/n and she helped me escape. All my money has gone to keeping my sister warm….. Y/n said that you would help. She said the Geralt she knew would help.”

“Where is she?” His heart is thundering through his ribcage at this point, and he can see Jaskier emerging from the tavern. “Did she make it-”

“She didn’t come.”

“Why?”

“Probably scared she wouldn’t make it out. Or might believe she is all alone and has nothing to escape for.” The feminine voice makes Geralt jump through his skin. Suddenly she is there, smelling of smoke and lavender. 

“Yennefer.” Jaskier gasps, but Geralt hadn’t needed him to let him know. 

“Tell me, Geralt of Rivia, about the woman who broke the witcher.”

You were no longer tired at this point, truly you were nothing. 

You didn’t speak, missed more meal times than not from being stuck with clients and at this point you didn’t seem to care. You were just breathing, and that was as much energy as you can muster. 

Three months into this place had truly broken you. 

Yennefer thought this place smelled of urine and death, and though she respected the females brave enough to work here she had absolutely no fucking clue why any man would risk stepping in here.

 One look at the young girl passing her with a bruise on her cheek told her all she needed to know. The men that came here didn’t care about anything but getting themselves wet and letting off some steam. 

“I have a room upstairs, I charge 50 a month in rent, half your earnings are to the house and the rest belong to you.” A voice sounds out, drawing Yennerfers attention away from the young girl with the bruise, back to the raggedy woman sitting at the counter. 

“Excuse me?”

“I have a room for ye-” 

“I’m not here for a room. I’m here for a girl.” 

“Really?”

Yennefer slaps 2 gold coins onto the counter, a smirk crossing her face as the woman's eyes widen in greed. “I was told you had an emerald here.”

“You’re here for Y/n….only problem there is it’s double for her time.” Yennefer sighs, taking out one more coin and slapping it down. “I said double.”

“And I am willing to go and tell the town that your girls are sick.”

“What do you want with Y/n?”

“I figured you wouldn’t need me to explain how your business works but if you need a lesson in fucking then you would have to pay ME double.”

“She is in the top room. Don’t bother knocking.” And just like that Yennefer is moving, picking up her skirts to walk up the steps, trying not to breathe in the smells as she reaches your room. 

Just as the brothel worker said she doesn’t bother knocking, and it was clear why when she walked in. 

The beauty Geralt had described last night was still there, just one look and even Yennefer was nearly at a loss for words. But the spark, the light of you was gone. You stared at the wall before you, empty and gone. 

“Y/n?” She calls, closing the door behind her. “Y/n…”

“I can’t….she said I’d have a day.” You sob, pulling into yourself. 

“You’ll have more than a day, I can promise that.” Yennefer smiles, moving closer slowly. “Your witcher has sent me.”

“My witcher?” There it was, some of that spark. “He’s gonna be mad at me.”

“Now that I can swear on. Come.”

-

Geralt stood pacing back and forth on the pathway as he waited for Yennefers portal to open, his heart in his throat and his eyes glued to the space before him. 

Jaskier waited at the inn they had found with the girl you had saved, Snae. But for now it would just be him waiting for Yennefer, far enough from the town that they would have a head start if anyone went looking for you whilst the rest would cause a stir and send them on a chase. 

They had learned from Snae that Madame had sent a bounty out on her, so Geralt could only imagine what she would do to you. ‘Her emerald’. 

Then it was there, forming like a cloud at first until it got bigger and bigger until it began showing like a mirror. 

Then Yennefers hand came through and Geralt found himself launching forward as she stepped through, both arms wrapped around…..you.

He was there, his hands on you as soon as he could, keeping you upright as Yennefer lets go. “Y/n.”

“Please don’t be mad.” You whisper. 

“What has she done to you…..”

Part 3 on October 30th

@sagelovesreading

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[thedevilssinner]

Elven soulmates - Astarion x Elf!Tav - Headcanon

I listened to one song and for some reason it screamed Astarion x Tav at me. This man is really ruining my life 😅

Anyway… the song was ‘IDK you yet’ and I just thought about the two of them being soulmates or something like that and then I found a thread on https://www.enworld.org about elven relationships and someone mentioned soulmates which got me searching and I found this page https://www.realmshelps.net/charbuild/races/elf/leaf.shtml where is mentioned that elves can find someone they call their thiramin which should mean soulmate in elvish language. 

Here’s the part from the https://www.realmshelps.net :

Upon reaching adulthood, elves continue their sexual explorations. Eventually, though, each discovers that his heart has developed a capacity for lasting and exclusive love. Like most other important things in their lives, elves describe this in mystical terms. They believe that a person's spiritual progress is unknowingly intertwined with that of another. This soulmate is called a thiramin. Upon meeting his thiramin, an elf's heart fills with passion and certainty. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the other party is felled by the same feeling of immediate and eternal devotion. (Though rare, an unrequited feeling of thiramin is always disastrous, bringing centuries of wrenching heartbreak. Sufferers often commit suicide or succumb to the temptations of evil.) Elves almost always feel thiramin for people they meet for the first time: In other words, visitors from other communities. Intermarriage between communities strengthens the bonds of communication between settlements, allowing them to quickly band together against the armies of evil that march across the land.

Now… You can imagine what that did to me, when I thought about the idea of Elf Tav knowing Astarion before he was turned into a vampire so… here’s some headcanons. Suffer with me.

Tav and Astarion met in Baldur's gate. Tav being new to the city. Young elf exploring the world outside their home.

Maybe they met in an art gallery or a tavern or some other place… that’s up to you, but when their eyes met, they immediately knew the other one was their thiramin. Heart beating wildly as they smile at each other.

They start dating, of course. Trying to get to know each other and spend as much time together as possible. 

I think that Tav would call Astarion their star… or maybe even ‘my starry night’

Astarion would call them ‘my moon’ (idk, I just love the idea of them using moon and stars as pet names)

Or… inspired by Game of Thrones - Astarion would call Tav ‘my sun and stars' while Tav would call him ‘the moon of my life’

Maybe they dated for a year or two, thinking about buying a house together.

But then Astarion was beaten ‘to death’ by the Gurs.

Tav could immediately tell that something was terribly wrong. The connection they felt with Astarion severing and sharp pain piercing through their heart. Panicked, they tried to find Astarion, going to his home but they already came too late.

Their blood turned into ice when they saw the mercenaries from the Flaming Fist already around his home. Seeing them carrying an awfully pale and beaten body of Astarion. (I don't remember if it was mentioned if Astarion lived in a Lower or Upper city before he was turned, so I chose a Lower city 🤷🏻‍♀️) (Also, not sure how and where exactly were he turned so I hope this is fine)

After a few days, Tav still couldn’t comprehend what truly happened. They felt just… empty. As if every color, every piece of happiness was ripped away from their soul. Not even able to visit Astarion’s grave because of that.

When Tav's family found out, they came to them, taking them to their homeland, because they knew how bad losing your soulmate could end for an elf. Tav fell into a deep grief and depression that lasted almost 100 years, doing some questionable things here and there until they started to function again.

On the other side - Astarion was beaten by Gurs but his final death came from Cazador, the change itself working just like if he truly died. His connection to Tav is severed and the shock of his change into a vampire erases all memory of them from his mind.

And then the 200 years of torture begin. Astarion doing anything he could and needed to do for survival. Flirting and luring victims to Cazador. He was good at it, great even, but something always felt wrong. 

Well, everything he did for Cazador was wrong, but touching another person, sleeping with them, and whispering words of love to them seemed wrong for another reason he couldn't understand. It was as if his subconscious was always trying to tell him something, but he couldn't say what.

There was just always something wrong with the victims. Wrong eye color, wrong tone of voice or even their pet names they sometimes used for him. 

Is he missing something? Someone? Longing for the embrace of a specific person that is unknown to him.

He always blamed his vampirism for this feeling. Thinking that’s just how it is. The feeling of wrongness and emptiness residing in him for the 200 years of his unlife.

Until the Mind Flayers and Nautiloid.

But back to Tav:

After a hundred years of grief, Tav finally started to get better. Diving into learning the profession/class they have chosen. Trying to enjoy life as much as they could, but the emptiness never fully disappeared. As if part of their soul was still gone.

They even tried to date, pressured by their family to at least try, but when their new partner tried to kiss them… they just couldn’t do it, dull pain spreading through their body and guilt flooding their mind. They immediately break up with the person and decide never to find a partner again.

But apart from that, they were relatively happy. Another 100 years slowly drifting away, the memories of Astarion remaining, if a little faded.

Until the Mind Flayers and Nautiloid.

Game plot:

Tav was walking with Shadowheart and Gale when they heard someone call for help.

Of course, they immediately headed for the voice, trying to help all the survivors of the crashed ship.

But when they finally came to the person they heard, the blood ran cold in their veins, the weapon they held falling from their grasp. It was like seeing him for the first time in their life but at the same time not… Astarion.

They notice that he looks different. His eyes are the wrong color and he’s so pale… but it’s him. They know it is because their soul sang when their eyes locked… but how? 

“Hurry, I’ve got one of those bran things…” Astarion's voice trailed off as he fixed his eyes on Tav and gasped as an unfamiliar sensation filled his body. It was as if everything finally clicked and his mind was flooded with memories he didn't know he had.

That's how far I've come with this idea. I'm not sure how it would have gone on, but I imagine it would have taken a while for Tav and Astarion to become partners again. Both mourning the years they could have spent together if it weren't for Cazador. Tav learning to love the new Astarion he has become, because he was different from the elf they knew before and Astarion learning to love again overall.

[crazylittlejester]

you should rank the modern boys on how cracked their screens would be (and if they have a screen protector or not)

this is definitely not bc i just accidentally dropped my phone onto the concrete face down and my freaking screen protector broke. definitely not

I SO SHOULD YOU’RE SO RIGHT.

1. Twi has somehow never broken a device in his life despite the number of times he’s fallen off a horse or his motorcycle (he’s cracked the screen protector a few times in particularly bad falls but never damaged the actual phone). War has made several jokes that his phone doesn’t break because Twi takes the damage FOR it. He has a screen protector and one of those otterbox cases that are meant to survive falling off a building or some shit. He’d definitely have a barely working several year old phone that he’s emotionally attached to. He CAN afford a new one, but this phone survived the last two years high school with him and he’ll use it until it LITERALLY doesn’t turn on anymore

2. Tied with Four but I’m putting him first: War’s phone is in pristine condition, theres not even a scratch on the case and he absolutely would have a screen protector and it’d be one of those privacy ones. His IPAD on the other hand is like 6 years old and hanging on by a thread and it fell out of his bag once and the screen is just DESTROYED in one corner (it has a small hole in it). He’d buy a new one but he has other things he has to buy that are more important to him and the ipad still does what he needs it to so. He got a new phone at the start of college when he moved out because he had to (and also wanted to) start paying for ALL of his own things when he moved out of his mom’s and ended up getting a new phone in the process because it was easier and also his old one was actively dying

2. Four has a broken screen protector on his because he keeps forgetting to buy a new one but he’s never broken the actual phone screen or any other device screen in his life with the exception of a tv when he was 5. He has a bright, colorful case with stickers slapped onto it that Hyrule, Wild, and Wind have given him

3. Hyrule was the absolute crazy person who didn’t have a phone case and then he was gifted one and THEN he dropped and cracked his high school phone. the new one he’s had since senior year of high school has a screen protector and a case on it and is in very good condition with only a few scratches on the case. He’s in 3rd because he HAS shattered a phone before in his life, but if i were ranking by only present condition of phones he’d be tied with War and FOUR would be 3rd

4. Wild has a scratch in the screen, several scratches, but no actual cracks. He doesn’t have a screen protector but he has a protective case because he’s a little worried about breaking it but he doesn’t wanna have to put a screen protector on it because he’s worried about fucking it up. The phone is only like 2-3 years old and he only bought a new one because the old one wasn’t updating anymore and it was too slow and couldn’t do what he needed it to. He’s only ranked below Hyrule because his current phone is not in perfect condition despite the fact that he’s never broken ANY phone and Hyrule has

5. Sky goes through screen protectors like no one else, he’s single handedly keeping the company in business. His phone will CONSTANTLY slip out of his hand and smack into the floor, or if he starts falling and he’s holding it he’ll have to sacrifice the phone so he can catch himself because he’d much rather have to buy a new phone than suffer another head injury or break his wrist again because he couldn’t catch himself well with something in his hands. Had to buy a new phone recently because the old one shattered when he dropped it while waiting for his new screen protector to come and he was really upset about that. He’s ranked this high because his phone never LOOKS cracked because he takes the broken screen protector off immediately, but he’s the one who drops his phone most frequently

6. Legend has a tiny crack in the corner of his incredibly old ass phone and then he slapped a screen protector on and since then he hasn’t had issues. he still drops it somewhat frequently but it has a durable ass case on it and hasn’t cracked again. Sky is in awe of him and Twilight and genuinely starting to think he’s cursed because they don’t go through nearly as many screen protectors as he does

7. Wind has a cracked screen, no protector, and a flimsy case but it has a dinosaur on it and the more protective one didn’t and you can understand his choice. He got his grandma’s old phone and it had a small dent in the side of it when he got the thing because she never had any kind of case on it and would drop it a lot. He’ll get a new one when he graduates high school

8. Time’s had the same iphone 6 since like a month after the damn thing was released and Twilight takes psychic damage every time he sees it because good fucking lord he thought HIS phone was old. its a MIRACLE the thing works considering the condition its in, all it really does is text and call and that’s really all Time uses it for. it has a gigantic crack in the middle of the screen and he will not stop using it and finally lay the thing to rest until it is COMPLETELY unusable

[kedreeva]

So I live somewhere where certain foods aren't readily available. I'm looking to buy a house - smallish house, biggish land is an option(cheaper). I've never kept anything more ~interesting~ than snakes. I went to a restaurant in a city a few years back where I tried duck for the first time and it instantly became my favorite food. Would it be weird to uh, keep ducks for eating? I've no problem with butchering but I'm worried I'd get attached to MY ducks.

I can't really answer if you'll get attached, because I don't know you or your penchant for getting attached. I can answer that it's not weird at all to raise ducks for meat. There are entire breeds of ducks that are great to raise for meat (like muscovies or pekins). Personally, I prefer the muscovy breed because I find them to be adorable (lots of cool color morphs! they do a little butt waggling dance in a circle!), GREAT moms who take on HUGE clutches no problem, they don't require or play in large amounts of water the way pekins do, and they're not as noisy (they hiss, they don't quack). The boys also get quite large, without getting super fat the way proper meat pekins do.

Like that's just. Terrible. I assume they get belly rub sores. The meat is probably good, the fat is probably good cooking. But at what cost?

I can also say that most people do get somewhat attached to animals they raise for food, but I think that's an important part of it. Part of raising animals for food is understanding that you're giving them the best life you can up to the point of butcher, which is often better than whatever life they would have in a factory farm. Part of raising food animals is caring enough about them to do well by them, as the only gratitude you can show to them in exchange for their life. Part of raising animals for food is understanding that you are going to take the life of another creature, and I think that attachment is how we understand the weight of that decision.

Personally, I think that it's right and good for people to get attached to their livestock. I think it helps them remember that they're caring for a living creature that has needs and feels pain. A creature that is deserving of excellent care while alive. I see a LOT of people allowing animal suffering in the fowl world because "it's just a chicken" and the babies "only cost a couple bucks," and "they can be replaced." IMO, it's a particularly callous attitude to have, toward an animal whose life will be taken to provide for you. Even one whose life is dedicated to providing for you while living (eggs, milk, wool, honey, etc) deserves better than to be considered a Thing that can be allowed to suffer merely because it is replaceable.

Lastly, I can say that (for me at least) there's often a major difference between the attachment you feel toward a pet and a livestock animal. Part of it is expectations going in, part of it is time. For pets, the expectation is that you will have that animal for the duration of that animal's average life expectancy, and you can plan accordingly for allowing yourself emotional investment. For livestock, the expectation is that you will only have the animal until its butcher date, which is often quite early in their life. A healthy, well-kept dog you can probably expect a good 10 years from, a cat nearly twice that. The average butcher age for a pekin duck is 3 months old (for comparison, they have an average lifespan of 5 years before their bodies give out from growth and weight issues), for muscovies 3-6 months (with an average lifespan of 20 years). There's just not as much time to get attached in the first place, unless you're getting attached to your breeders.

So, is it weird to raise ducks for food? Absolutely not. Are you going to get attached? I hope so, at least a little bit. And I hope that you feeling that connection to your food source helps you to take excellent care of them until their time comes, and that it compels you to make their end as quick and painless as possible.

[queenklu]

Seeing AI discourse about writing college papers reminded me of the time I got Called In To A Professor's Office over a paper I wrote that he thought was plagiarized.

See, the thing I had realized about myself by that point was that I am...VERY BAD....at reading the assigned books. I have every intention of doing so while in class, but the instant I'm out of class the book no longer exists (what adhd). So by the end of the year I would always wind up getting screwed over in the book buy-back with books I'd literally never cracked the spine on, because it turned out speed-reading sparknotes could get me through class discussion and I'd developed a System(TM) for panic-writing an essay the night before.

This system was: find an online pdf of the book. Skim. Read summaries. Pull quotes from pdf. Bullshit. Estimate the page number for any citations because no one actually checks those, and use the publication data from the syllabus for the works cited. This works Very Well if you are, like me, a sarcastic asshole who knows teachers want to read an entertaining essay instead of yet another regurgitation of whatever sounds academically "best."

So here's this history class, which actually turns out to be an english class in disguise, and we are told to read and write an essay on The First Autobiography Ever Written in the English Language, which just so happens to be about a lady who had FOURTEEN kids, suffered a psychotic break, and spent the rest of her life campaigning to become a saint.

It's called The Book of Margery Kempe. I cannot express to you how smug I am to find a pdf of the exact same copy we'd been told to buy, down to the same publishing house and year of publication. I won't even have to bullshit page numbers.

...It's written in Middle English.

Here begynnyth a schort tretys and a comfortabyl for synful wrecchys, wherin thei may have gret solas and comfort to hem and undyrstondyn the hy and unspecabyl mercy of ower sovereyn Savyowr Cryst Jhesu, whos name be worschepd and magnyfyed wythowten ende, that now in ower days to us unworthy deyneth to exercysen hys nobeley and hys goodnesse....

This is fine, College!me thinks. A little tedious, but clearly the entire class has successfully done the reading enough to talk about it, so it must be doable. They probably had discussions about the language and I forgot to pay attention.

So I write the essay, pulling quotes from this middle english pdf that I can only half read, but that I can certainly form opinions about. Is it my best essay? No. Is it snarky? Yes. Is it in MLA format? That's mostly what they'll be checking for.

Then the Professor pulls me aside after class and asks to speak with me in his office. I have another class that I have to go to, and because I'm commuting in to college I won't be back on campus until two days later; he says that's fine, and all of this is settled and we've parted ways before it hits me how fucking fucked I am.

It must be the book.

He's going to call me out on not buying the book.

Can he tell I didn't read the book?

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

And I have two days to stew in it.

By the time our meeting rolls around I am a Mess. He is going to fail me. I am going to die. If I open my mouth at all I will burst into tears. Perhaps there is the slimmest chance if I act Normal this will be fine??????

P: So I read your essay...

Me: *using my Normal face* ⊙.☉

P: ...and I'm just wondering...

Me: ⊙.☉'

P: ...where you got the quotes?

Me: ⊙.☉'''

P: .....because the version of the book we read....isn't in Middle English.

Me: ⊙.☉??????????

P: I actually thought you might have plagiarized it--

Me: ⊙.☉!!!!!!!

P:--but to be honest it's written so entirely in your style that it's impossible this essay is plagiarized.

Me: ........⊙.☉.....

P: .... Anyway.

P: Just wanted to chat.

P: Uh. You're free to go.

Me:

HERE'S THE LESSONS LEARNED:

Just buy the book Cite the pdf. The professors Do Not Care how you've read the book as long as they can plausibly believe you've read it.

Just read the book Listen. I wasn't going to get anywhere near an ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. And if they can't tell you didn't read the book, then is it really the same as not reading the book? I think Margery would agree you gotta make some shit up to get anywhere in life.

Being a sarcastic asshole in my academic papers saved me from a plagiarism charge.

[leonw4nter]

My Daddy Forever, You’ll Always Be

ID!Leon + GN!Child

Dad suffered a lot. Uncle Chris or Aunt Claire tells me just how much he suffered and how he continues to suffer. No one had to tell me that my dad pushed all the suffering back and didn’t feel into them just to take care of me, even when the scrape on my knee was nothing compared to the fracture in his collarbone or the swelling of his eye. I do my best to be there for him, reminding him to celebrate birthdays or find happiness in the mundane like coloring books but I guess even that isn’t enough to fill the mom-shaped hole she left in his heart. No one’s going to fit in there, not even me, and I don’t think dad wants anyone to fill it in and that’s okay because I have a mom-shaped hole in my heart too, even if I only know how mom looks based on pictures in the frames and photo albums dad loved to look at.

On every birthday he has, we always prepare two candles– one for him and one for mom, even if they don’t share a birthday (they’re six months apart). Dad always sadly sighs when he blows out her candle; I think he hates doing that. I hate observing that though they were born a few months apart, they’re even more apart now that one of them is still on Earth while the other is in heaven now. Despite the fact that I sort of killed mom by being born fussy, Dad still loves me and does his best to be present in my life. He knows which dresses to buy and doesn’t mind wearing make up, even when the lipstick is smeared or if some powder got into his eyes. Sometimes I think he’s trying to make up by treating me well because I look like the splitting image of my mom and he’s trying to suppress the guilt every time he sees me but I don’t mind; he lost a woman who’s been around in his life longer than I have been. He lets me sleep in his and mom’s room sometimes, letting me sleep in what he said was her side of the bed. If we both couldn’t sleep, he could talk about anything and everything but her. There was one time where I told him that my classmate’s mom remarried after her dad died in service and that she was happy and I asked him if that would make him happier.

“Marriage is how you know that your love persevered through tough times. A second marriage is proof of how you were willing to give yourself another chance to love. I don’t think I can marry again because I know I won’t be able to love someone else as much as I fiercely love your mother,” was all he said before I turned to face him, his chest shaking slightly and tears streamed down his stubbly cheek. I apologized to him and quietly promised that I won’t ever make dad cry again and that I would do my best to make sure dad stayed happy.

Dad isn’t very keen on writing; he’d much rather install a tile and get dirt underneath nails he maintained than write on several pieces of paper back to back but I notice that he began buying stationery in order to write letters but those letters were never sent. He keeps them in a womens’ shoe box and occasionally takes a letter out to read as he quietly cries to himself. On the night of what would be five years since mom left us, I woke up in the middle of the night to find dad’s side of the bed empty. I got up and saw him sitting on the floor as he hugged the shoe box close to his chest.

“Will we ever see each other again? How long until you’ll come back to me and our daughter?” was what I heard as he continued to cry. I have heard Dad cry but never as gut-wrenching as this. I continued to watch him cry, tears of my own spilling and I felt bad for him. Aunt Claire told me that dad never showed fear when he was at work, shooting and defeating the bad guys but whenever he looked at me, there would always be a small tinge of fear in his eyes. She said that he just didn’t want me to see the world the way he saw it, whatever that meant. I couldn’t take it and I ended up sobbing, maybe as hard as dad did. He heard me and got up, walking over to where I was hiding. He lifted me and hugged me tight, pressing kisses to my hair and repeatedly apologizing for being a little too loud when I was sleeping. If only Dad saw that he had nothing to apologize for but how could he see that when the splitting image of his wife is me and my face reminds him of what he gained and lost on that day?

I hope Dad doesn’t beat himself up for losing what he had left of mom. I hope he doesn’t feel sad whenever he sees another dad with his wife bonding with their daughter in a park. I hope he doesn’t cry whenever it’s his birthday and he pokes a third candle into his cake. I hope he doesn’t consider himself a bad father because I would rather live a short life with dad than a long life without him. It made me sad how dad would never see me in a wedding gown and would probably never walk me down the aisle or have our daddy-daughter dance; after we watched the movie Father of the Bride and seeing dad get all emotional about it, it kind of made me a little happy to image dad being so excited for me. I hope he will be kind to himself and let himself experience happiness. I hope that God would let me be reborn as dad’s best friend so I can help him get through what he went through. He would’ve been a pleasure to walk to school with. Hmm. Maybe he’d be the type to remind the teacher of homework.

NOTE - Sorry for dropping this short and mid ass fic, I just had to hop on my computer and write this one bc I came across this one wedding tiktok where the dad sees his daughter who's getting married for the first time and I cried then suddenly remembered I wrote an angsty fic where Leon's kid dies and I decided to add this as the kid's POV. I was too sad okay I just HAD to write one up but looking back at it, now that I'm not that sad, it's actually... ehh. A for effort, I guess. Anyways, that's it and thank you SOOOOOO much for reading my fics, it means a lot to me :) I <33333 UUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

The dividers are from @saradika , the images are made by me (sourced from Pinterest).

[sapphirelass]

In my Blood ~ Will Solace x Sister!Reader

Hi you guys! Wow, it's been over a year😅 I'm still working toward my uni degree (physics, maths and upper secondary school education for those of you who don't know), spending time with my boyfriend, hanging out with friends, and visiting my family as often as I can. I promise I have done a fair bit of writing this past year, just not finished anything... But, here we are! Really looking forward to the PJO-series, but while we're all waiting, here's a Will imagine because Will is great <3

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To read as xOC, click here

Words: 2500 ish

Warnings: injury, blood, wounds, angst (normal demigod stuff really, but you know)

Please note that English isn't my first language! I have studied it for over a decade, and speak it fluently, but there might still be some grammatical errors and a mix of British/American expressions - thanks for understanding :)

y/n - your name

y/n/n - your nickname

she/her reader

Enjoy! :)

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“Get down!” she shouted, as a giant, angry, terrifying cyclops approached them. “Listen closely now; do you see that huge pine tree over there? And the statue? Run past them, and you’ll find people who’ll help. I’ll try to buy you as much time as possible!”

The two seven-year-old half-bloods that had just been saved and brought to camp (well, almost anyway) sat off towards the border, as (y/n) Solace, daughter of Apollo, stayed behind and pulled her sword out. She was a way more advanced archer than swordfighter, but the one bow she had brought with her had fallen out of her firm grip as she jumped behind a boulder for cover. She had made an attempt at getting it back, however, that just resulted in her body coming crashing to the ground as the cyclops’ hand collided with her chest, while the bow ended up in between the hard ground and the monster’s massive foot… (Y/n) threw her head back and sighed at the sight of her trusty old weapon in pieces, and it wasn’t until she tried to push herself back up on her feet that she noticed a terrible pain spreading through her left arm from her elbow. It hurt badly, but since she didn’t have much of a choice, (y/n), suddenly feeling slightly dizzy, pushed herself back up with her other hand and looked for another road to victory. 

After a few minutes of trying to attack the monster with her sword, but repeatedly failing since getting close enough without getting hit herself proved to be very difficult, (y/n) quickly ran in a circle around the monster causing him to stumble - if only for a second. She wasted no time launching herself at the cyclops with her sword and - *SPLASH*. The sharp, metal blade bore deep into the slimy eye, and the cyclops staggered backwards, slowly disintegrating. (y/n) was just about to take a deep breath when she felt a stinging sensation in her abdomen. Briefly glancing down, she winced as she realized what had happened. The monster must have grabbed one of her arrows from the quiver she had thrown onto the ground, and, rather violently judging by the amount of blood oozing through her orange t-shirt, pushed one into her side. 

Being a demigod, (y/n) had obviously suffered multiple injuries before, though never quite ones as bad as this. The bottom half of her shirt was now more red than orange, and she could feel the world spinning slightly. Groaning, she sat down against a tree and inspected the wound carefully. She wanted to pull the arrow out, but her twin brother Will had always strongly argued against doing something just like that. A vague memory of him saying something along the lines of “the weapon possibly being the only thing keeping you from losing too much blood”... Sighing, she started to slowly make her way toward camp but didn’t make it very far before stumbling over her own feet and falling forwards on the cold hard ground. (Y/n) coughed up something that looked like a mixture of spit and blood before pushing herself to her feet again with the help of her sword. It wasn’t a speedy process, but she kept walking in the direction of the infirmary, stopping to catch her breath every few steps.

---

“(y/n/n)?!” She only had a few hundred meters to go when two of her closest friends - Travis and Connor Stoll - came running towards her with worried faces. Typically when the brothers approached someone together in this way it was with mischievous smiles on their faces and usually followed by a prank of some sort, but not this time. “What in the name of the gods happened to you?”, Travis asked, as Connor carefully placed (y/n)’s right arm across his shoulders to help support her. “We ran into some new kids who said you’d picked a fight with a giant?”

“Oh hardly…”, she demonstrated. “If anyone picked a fight it was him! And besides, it was just a normal cyclops, and not even a very big one.” She winced slightly when Travis smiled and grabbed her other arm, but started walking more steadily thanks to the brothers. “But my bow broke, and - friendly advice - don’t try to take out a cyclops with nothing but a sword.”

“You should put that on a T-shirt.”, Travis joked but shut up quickly when (y/n)’s knees buckled and she stumbled again. He sent her a worried glance as Connor spoke up.

“So, what happened? How bad off are you really?”

She told them the story as they walked slowly down the hill and across the volleyball court. They were right by the big house when (y/n) finished the story.

“Gods…”, Connor mumbled, changing his grip around his friend’s shoulder to give her even more support. “You know Will’s gonna kill you himself this time, right?”. (Y/n) was about to answer him when someone opened the door to the infirmary and beat her to it.

“Who do I have to kill? I swear, if Nico is shadow travelling like a madman agai- Oh Gods!”, Will interrupted himself, a look of horror on his face as he was met with the sight of his twin sister barely able to stand up, and covered from head to toe in blood, mud, and dirt. “(y/n/n), what happened?!” He examined her quickly before holding the door open so the Hermes boys could get in and slowly lay (y/n) on one of the bunks.

“It’s a bit of a story, and I don’t know if I feel like repeating it again right now”, she said weakly, wincing a bit as Will swiftly pulled her worn jean jacket off, “but the short version is that a cyclops punched me and I have an arrow through my stomach… And probably a broken arm too. And I might have hit my head when I fell… it, eh, hurts a bit…”

“Gods…”, Will sighed, “Well, do you feel nauseous? Disorientated? Can you see clearly or is anything blurry?” 

“Eh… a little dizzy maybe, and a weak headache, but my sight is fine and I’m not feeling sick.”

 “Right”, Will mumbled as he wiped a small amount of blood from his sister’s forehead and briefly inspected the small wound. “Something positive I suppose…”. He put a small bandaid on it to slow the bleeding down at least momentarily, before moving to look at his sister’s arm which was indeed bent in a rather weird way. “Well, head-related injuries are always scary, I’ll have to examine it further to know how bad it actually is. The arm is absolutely broken - annoying, but fixable - though this arrow…” He grabbed a pair of scissors and cut through her T-shirt so that he could get to the wound.  “Jeez, (y/n/n)… How long have you been bleeding?”

She took a deep breath before answering. “I’m not sure, it feels like an eternity, but an hour maybe?”

“AN HOUR?!” Will tried to stay calm, but his now pale face told another story. “Holy… Okay, eh, (y/n/n), I’m gonna… I have to get the arrow out and stop the bleeding as fast as I can, you- you’ve already lost way too much blood. Let's just hope that it missed anything vital.”

He whispered the last part, but (y/n) hardly heard the rest either, as she slowly but steadily started drifting off to sleep. “Sure thing… You do that, I’m just gonna doze off for a quick sec…”

“Oh no, you’re not!” Will dropped what he was holding and grabbed her shoulders to shake her gently. “(Y/n/n), I get that you’re exhausted, but you have to stay awake. As I said, you lost a lot of blood, and you may have a concussion. Sorry, I’m not even gonna argue with you - you’re not falling asleep.”

He turned back to the brothers who were watching from afar, wanting to know what happened but also not being in the way. “Connor, Travis, you have to keep her talking while I work, okay?”

“Sure”, Travis nodded, as Connor grabbed (y/n)’s right hand again. “Wanna tell us about the new kids?”

“Yeah”, Connor added. “They seem cool!”

“They are…” (y/n) moved a bit, carefully letting Will remove the piece of her T-shirt that he had cut off to get to the wound. “Only seven years old, fighters both of them. They ran away from different orphanages in Vermont and took down a basilisk together in Albany and have taken care of each other si- AHHHHH.”

She let out a harsh scream as her brother swiftly pulled what was left of the arrow out of her chest, and would probably have rolled off the bed if not for the Stoll brothers holding her down as Will apologised profusely. 

“I’m so sorry, (y/n/n)”, he mumbled sadly, as he handed Travis a big piece of ambrosia, “but that was the worst of it. You’re doing really well, just hold on. You should try to have some ambrosia now that the arrow’s out.” She struggled to take a few shallow breaths as the extreme pain slowly began to fade again, but nodded and accepted the small piece of godly food Travis was offering her. The pain instantly lessened even more as the flavour of her mother’s gingerbread cookies combined with a touch of magic consumed her whole being. (Y/n) finally took a really deep breath, but when she exhaled it felt as if every single drop of energy she had been grasping onto left her at once. She allowed herself to close her eyes and immediately began drifting off to sleep, the worried voices of Will, Travis, and Connor simply fading into silence.

---

(Y/n) was desperate for a few hours of peaceful rest, but unfortunately sleep and nightmares tended to almost always go hand in hand for demigods. She relived the last 24 hours in her sleep, everything from leaving camp in the early morning feeling excited to bring some new kids back to the exhausting battle that could have ended badly if not for the cyclops’ inability to stay on its feet. During the actual fight, it had happened so quickly that she hadn’t even noticed it at first, but this time she could clearly see how the monster roughly yanked a sharp arrow from her quiver and began making his way back towards her. She lay flat on the ground, desperately trying to move out of the way, but she couldn’t. It was as if all her muscles suddenly decided to to take any more orders from her brain. The cyclops lifted his arm, getting ready to deliver the final blow, as (y/n) closed her eyes, starting to accept her fate.

It felt as if time itself stopped. All she could hear was her own shaky breathing - until suddenly it wasn’t… There was a also voice, far away, sure, but still clearly there…

“(Y/n/n)? Please wake up! C’mon!”

It sounded familiar, but she couldn’t pinpoint who it belonged to. She focused and tried to listen for the voice again, but she was so exhausted… Giving in to the darkness felt so inviting… And simple. She could do with simple for once.

“No, no, no!” The voice cracked, panic and desperation shining through. “Don’t you dare give up now! C’mon, (y/n), I’m here, I’ve got you! Don’t give up… please…”

She was so close to slipping away, but something about that seemed wrong, and the reassuring words plus the comforting feeling brought to her by the sound of the familiar voice gave her precisely the boost of energy she needed. Shaking herself out of the nightmare, (y/n) inhaled sharply before shooting up, her eyes darting around the room until someone gently placed their hands on her shoulders, causing her to meet their gaze.

“(y/n)!”

She blinked a few times, shaking violently as she began realizing where she was. “Will?”

“Oh Gods!” He hugged her tightly, perhaps a bit too tight, but it didn’t matter in that moment - the 16-year-old was just so incredibly relieved to see that his sister was alright. “You’re alive!”

(Y/n)’s breathing evened out again as she leaned into her brother. “I’m sorry, Will. I’m so sorry…”

He didn’t let go of her arms, but moved back slightly and sent her a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

“I… I just… I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Gods, (y/n/n), I always worry.” He moved closer again. “I’m just happy you’re okay! I mean, it’ll be a while before you’re back doing quests of course”, he sent her a serious look, “but the fact that you woke up is a good sign”. 

(Y/n) accepted the ambrosia piece Will offered to her before answering. “All thanks to you.”

“Well”, he shrugged, “your body did most of the hard work...” (Y/n) shook her head at Will’s modesty before starting to push herself off the bed to stand up.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!! Stop! What do you think you’re doing?!”, Will exclaimed, swiftly pushing her back down. "You have been unconscious for over four days and lost so much blood, and that’s not even mentioning your head, arm or other random scratches. You’re staying here at least until Friday, no discussion.”

(Y/n) rolled her eyes, secretly feeling very lucky to have a brother as caring as Will. "Okay, I'm sorry. I just need to stretch my legs for a second, please? Help me out?" 

Will didn’t look too happy with the idea, but understood how stiff she must be feeling after so many days and nodded. It wasn’t like (y/n) wanted to get up and run, she still felt really tired and weak. However, after that horrifying moment of helplessness that she experienced in her dream, just the confirmation that she could in fact still move her arms and legs was incredibly comforting. When everything felt normal, she tried a few careful steps and immediately stumbled, but didn’t fall thanks to Will’s support.

“Light-headed?”

“Yeah, a bit…”

“Alright, that’s enough, back you go.” He guided her back to the bed, and she lay her head back down on the pillow.

"There we go!", Will smiled, "can I get you anything?"

"A cup of tea, please? Red, no honey?"

"You’ve got it!"

Five minutes later Will returned, balancing two cups of tea and a cheese sandwich on a tray. "Who ordered the tea and sandwich?", he asked jokingly as he sat the tray on the bed. He placed some pillows against the wall and slowly helped his sister sit up against them. “That would be me", she smiled. Will also sat down on the bed and put an arm around (y/n). She took a small bite of the sandwich and leaned her head on her brother's shoulder. The siblings drank their tea in silence, enjoying the feeling of being together and safe, if only for the night.

<3

//L masterlist

[danjaley]

Alternative Ending to 1793

(Lots of alternative plotlines in this year!)

So the gist of the plotline always was that Matt and Jon return, on the whole successful, but nothing really is as it was before. Jon is heartbroken about Nicolas and went to exile in Cornwall to avoid him. Matt learns about his children's illnesses and Alasdair's plans to visit his mother. Originally there was to be a complete hysteric letter from herself, but it never progressed past those two sentences. I still think Ysobel's reaction is very much in character, but when I wrote this, I thought it was the first letter the Duchess sent in those nine years.

The Duchess’s letter: Do not deny me the comfort to see my son once more! It is the most cruel thing a mother can suffer to be separated from her child! Ysobel: I don’t want to argue to the contrary, but she doesn’t seem to have felt the cruelty very keenly these past nine years.

Then, Jon fell ill in Cornwall and had to be rescued by Matt. In this version it's much more apparent why Matt feels he needs to rush to his aid, and also it's not Christmas yet. Emotionally, I rather liked this version. But what I finally went with brought out better that Matt just can't get down from his stress-level and sense of responsibility. Although he is overreacting in assuming Jon was dying.

Matthew: Shon hashn’’ shen’ a le’’er thish ‘eek. Ah’m shailing ‘o Cor’’all. Alice: Are you sure it’s not just the post being delayed? Matthew: Ah shaid Ah’d come if he shtopped wri’ing. Sho Ah’ll go. Ah can’’ jusht leave Shon ‘o die! No’ af’er Ah kille’ a ma’ for him. Alice: Nobody said he was dying! Wait, you did what!? […]

(Jonathan Brodie to Matthew McCarric, letter delayed in the post) I have a bad cold. Only writing to prevent you from rushing to Cornwall.

Jonathan: Matt! What are you doing here? I wrote to you! Matthew: Musht ha’e mished me. Are y’ ill? Why ish it sho col’ here? Jonathan: To fetch more wood I’d have to get out of bed. And the landlady’s servants are busy elsewhere. Matthew (shouting down staircase): Ah wan’ ‘o shee a fire in the Shottish Shentleman’sh room thish inshtan’! An’ bring shome hot shoup! * * * Matthew: Are y’ be’’er? Jonathan: Yes. Thank you. I’m glad you’re here.

Another reason I changed plans was that I felt a professional failure would be a bit too much misfortune for poor Jon. Actually, the next scene in which we'll see him at work in 1794 makes much more sense if he was successful in Cornwall.

Matthew: Wha’ are we goin’ ‘o do wi’ you? Jonathan: I don’t know any more. I’d really like to go home. Then I could at least read my books and have Sarah look after me. But my apartment is only a few streets away from my parents’ house. Mother would want me to visit. It would only be painful. And dangerous. Matthew: Have you finishe’ your work for ‘he Cornish Shentleman? Jonathan: No. I fell ill. He chose another architect’s plans.

And then there was all this fuss getting him back to Edinburgh where we need him. That's why I finally decided to cut it short, let him return straight away, and jump to the Christmas scenes.

Jonathan: The only idea I had at all was to sell my apartment and buy another somewhere else. Glasgow might work. It’s not too far away and closer to you. I’m certainly cured of the English south. But then – as someone who knows a thing or two about real estate – it would be such a bad deal to trade in Edinburgh for Glasgow just because of a broken heart. Matthew: Jusht co’e home wi’ me. You ca’ shtay i’ the guesht room you deshigned yourshelf. Jonathan: Thank you. But I can’t intrude upon you and Alice when your baby is so ill. But we can travel together and I take a room in Glasgow. At least until Christmas. Mother will invite everyone then and I can’t stay away without giving very good reasons. Matt – you’ll come to all the Christmas gatherings too, won’t you? Then I could at least talk to you the entire time. Matthew: Ah can’’ shtay away fro’ ‘hem either.

Regrettably though, this eliminated the concluding gag for Captain Burton's storyline:

Captain Burton: Good morning! Is Mr McCarric in? Eliza: I’m afraid not. He’s down South to help a relative in need. Captain Burton: Are you kidding me!?

Secret fun fact: I'm really glad it's 1794 now! I'm still not sure if it's a very elaborate joke between us or if we're actually going to do this. But my sister and I started researching for a historical novel to write together, which would be set in 1794 (got to do with the French Revolution, but not with Scotland). I've been confusing the two years all this summer!