#suddenly all my mental health problems are gone

[asummersarah]

the title of the new series is “reunion” I’m literally about to breakdown I’m so fucking happy rn

[satxnsupreme666]

Theatrical love: Agatha Harkness/Agnes x Fem!reader

Masterlist

Requested by: @agathaharkness-simp

Summary: You’re a witch and just like Agatha you feel the power coming from Westview, you meet her there and she asks you to help her, so you pretend to be a married couple in front of Wanda and the others, you start to fall in love without noticing but what happens when Wanda and her child ask you why you never act like a married couple.

Words: 6.8k

Warnings: None, pure romance.

Author’s notes: 

Hi, this was a requested story, I do not know if I should tag the people who requested at the time, I want to be respectful, so I am not sure if I should tag them, I will try and do it since it was their request and their idea and if any of the people who requested back at the time now feel uncomfortable being tagged, please let me know and I will delete the tag.

This was one of the first stories I wrote three years ago, I had posted them on Tumblr on my old account, but due to my mental health, I had to take a break from Tumblr and the toxicity and hate that had suddenly increased, I deleted all of my stories and my old account, now I have decided to upload them again here on Tumblr and also on Ao3.

Again, as this was one of the first stories I wrote for Agatha Harkness is a little bit short, I will be uploading the rest of the stories from time to time, I have to edit them and make sure they are legible enough and with not a lot of grammatical errors.

I hope you like it!

If you enjoy, could you comment, like or reblog? it would help a lot really ♥️Taglist: @eliscannotdance

Being a witch and having a normal boring life was not what you were prepared for.

Years of trying to prove the other witches what you were capable of, that your powers were much more than they thought and that you were more intelligent even though you were young.

You had gained the respect of all of your coven when a bunch of witch-hunters spotted your coven because of an irresponsible witch who had affected the magical field that covered your village, it had been a spell that had gone wrong.

The girl was practicing to have a better control of her magic and while doing a spell, that spell turned wrong, instead of vanishing some books, the magical field disappeared.

You were the first witch who noticed the problem, because something felt off, as soon as you noticed you went straight to tell the other witches but they didn’t believe you, of course you felt angry, this was something important they decided not to believe you?

You sighed in annoyance; how could they be so blind?

You tried to brushed the anger off, you had more important things to take care of.

You waited at the limits for thirty minutes, and when you heard noises you already knew they had arrived.

Finally, some witches a little older than you arrived and they put themselves beside you, all of them were ready to fight against the witch-hunters.

There were at least 40 of them, you knew your village was quite popular between the human population and of course the witch-hunters but still there were a lot of them, even some of them held guns in their hands.

With a flick of your hand all the witch-hunters fell to the ground, their bodies went limp and all of your sisters were surprised and shocked at the same time, because the youngest witch had saved all of them, after that none of them questioned your power ever again, and they put a stronger magical field around the village and this time the witches were not allowed to train near the field that kept your coven away from curious eyes.

Years passed and new witches arrived at the coven you had studied everything you could, from magical potions, protection spells, medicinal herbs to more complex things like illusions and transmutation, you even got to teach the youngest witches and you were happy and proud about it, but after years of doing the same you felt like you needed to do something new, something fresh.

You talked with the witches in charge and you shared your interests with them, they agreed that you could left the coven to look for something different outside the village and if you ever needed help or you wanted to go back, you could always count on them.

Years had passed and now you found yourself smiling at the fresh memories of a long time ago.

You took a deep breath and put your elbows onto the kitchen Island with your face resting in your hands, you were bored, you thought maybe outside your village could be something more interesting but now, you just found yourself doing nothing.

You had a job and it was fine but now you were just feeling bored and kind of lonely, you decided to call it a night so you went to sleep, but for some hours you couldn’t sleep and you were just looking at the celling but after two hours you finally felt yourself falling into your tiredness.

The next day when you woke up, you stirred yourself into your pillows, you wanted to sleep a little bit more and since it was Sunday so you had the day off, but your eyes went wide when you felt something.

You felt a different vibe in the air, it felt far away but at the same time you could feel it calling you, it was something that you couldn’t put your finger on, it was like if something was calling you, you felt attracted to it, it was a power, something strange and you wanted to investigate more, you wanted to know what it was.

After taking a shower and now in different clothes other than your pajamas, you turned the lights off, and sat in the middle of one of your empty rooms, you put some candles on the floor, forming a circle of candles, after that and with a movement of your hand you lit all the candles and sat right in the center of it, closing your ayes you concentrated yourself in the strange power that you felt drawn to, taking some deep breaths and relaxing yourself you started to see pictures in your head, you could see a sign with the words Westview written on it, it was a town and it had a strange magical red filed covering it, it quickly reminded you of the one you coven had, you could feel suffering coming from it and now you felt intrigued, what was that? You opened your eyes and this time you decided you would go to that town.

Walking into your room, you packed just the essential in one of your favorite back-pack and after you decided everything was in order you smiled, this was something different and new, now after a long time you found some type of adventure.

Again, you closed your eyes and focused on the power which felt far away, you moved your hand and the smoke of your magic surrounded you.

This time, when you opened your eyes again you were in front of the Westview sign you saw in your mind, you nodded and satisfied with yourself you walked forward, stopping yourself sensing the strong magic irradiating from the town, it was really strong and it was a different type of magic, one you had never felt, frowning you stepped back, thinking on how you would be able to enter without hurting yourself, you didn’t know what type of spell held with it or the consequences of passing through it, you tried to think of a way to enter and were so focused on your thoughts that you didn’t heard someone walking towards you.

“Well hello there darling, what are you doing here?” You turned your heard to the person whose voice was so soothing and you saw a woman in front of you, with a purple dress, you could field the magic coming from her too and just like that you knew she was a witch too.

“You´re a witch too” You blurted out, she grinned and put one of her fingers onto her face, on her lips, she examined you from head to toes, and you couldn’t help but blushed, she was a beautiful woman and her gazed on you made you feel nervous.

“You´re right sweetheart I´m a witch just as you and the name´s Agatha Harkness darling, may I know what is your name?” She asked getting closer to you and your eyes went wide, she was Agatha Harkness? Every witch knew who she was, the witch who had played with dark magic, you couldn’t believe she was right in front of you, you felt excited, she was like a legend between the young witches, she had the power to absorb someone else´s magic, you just stared at her she was more beautiful in person, more than what you had heard she was, there were entire pages about her in all the books you had read, you felt yourself blushing more now.

“I´m y/n Baudelaire” You wanted to say more but you were lost for words.

“What a pretty name love, so now that I know which is your name, tell me y/n what are you doing here?” She was now so close to you at this point and it was too much for you, you tried to calm yourself to talk to her.

“Well I just felt something, I sensed something strong and I wanted to investigate more, and well now I´m here just as well as you, so I assume you´re here for the same thing, right?”

She smirked before speaking again “You´re right darling, I want to know the source of the power, it was too strong to ignore it, but there´s a problem, I´ve been studying this field and it looks like anyone who enters, they instantly get their mind erased becoming a different person, I already figured out how to enter without being affected but, have you?” There was that smirk again, and well of course you didn´t know how to, and frowned, that would be hard, how did she do it?

Agatha looked at you face, she could feel now how tense you were, she was sure that you weren’t a threat to her, her face softened and she put a hand on your shoulder to drag your attention.

“I know you´re just curious, and you’re a witch too so I will help you enter with one condition” Agatha told you and you nodded enthusiastically, Agatha smiled ad your reaction.

“You will have to help me get to the source and you will help me to recover everything we can, and I won´t let the magic get you, alright? I have a feeling that we will have to be undercover, so you will have to play along with me ok?” She asked you and you nodded excitedly; she was asking for your help! The one and only Agatha Harkness.

“Yes, yes I will do everything you tell me” She laughed a little at your excitement

“Give me your hand, I will make us pass through the magical field darling” You blushed again and you offered her your hand, she took your hand in hers and pulled you against her with a strong grip.

Both of you walked towards the magical field and entered into it, you closed your eyes and you felt a slight force against you but when the feeling went away you opened your eyes again but what you saw shocked you, the entire town was completely just black and white, you blinked several times to make sure it was real what you were seeing, you looked at your hands and your clothes and they still had color so it was something so strange, what was going on?

You turned your head to look at Agatha and she grinned at you, she noticed how confused you were.

“It´s ok darling, do not worry, this is why I told you we would have to play along, everything looks like the 50’s so we will have to dress like those times so nobody suspects a thing” Before you could ask her she made a movement with her hand and her purple smoke covered you, when the smoke went away you looked at her and her outfit had changed for a plaid dress, even her long hair changed into a beach wave haircut, she found you staring at her and winked at you, you quickly took your eyes out of her and blushed furiously.

You noticed you were still holding her hand and you quickly dropped her hand.

“Oh dear don’t be so shy, it´s ok to stare, you look good as well, the style fits you dear” You instantly looked at yourself, you had a vintage polka dot dress and when you touched your hair you noticed you had a pin-up hairstyle with a headband, oh how you wish you had a mirror with you.

“So, what do we do now?” You asked Agatha and you saw her looking around the town, she noticed some people walking by and closed her eyes, after some seconds she opened them again and looked at you

“Now darling we have to go to look for the house we will be staying in” You nodded and started to walk with her.

You passed a neighborhood and the people there were strangely kind towards you, they greeted both of you as if they had always known you, Agatha didn’t seem to be affected by the strange behavior of the inhabitants, she just greeted them as well and smiled at them at the same time she walked, you were amazed by that.

Agatha stopped walking when you arrived at a beautiful two-story house.

“Now darling I have to ask you something, remember I told you there was a chance we had to play along? Well now we will have to, I thinks someone is making all of this, someone created this place but also I think whoever did this, also has the people of this town under some kind of control.” So that was why everyone behaved in a strange way, you nodded and looked at Agatha again

“Well, we will have to pretend to be a married couple, is that alright darling? I need you by my side, your powers can help a lot and in case something wrong could happen I need you to be with me, alright?” She asked you whilst putting her hands on your shoulders in a gentle way, you blushed furiously, you will have to live under the same roof with her, you felt something strange growing inside you but you couldn’t say what it was, you felt your face getting hotter but you managed to say a barely audible “It´s alright”.

Agatha smiled and removed her hands off you.

“Now darling we will have to meet the person who´s causing all of this, ok? Her house is next to ours; I chose this one so we can have an eye on her powers” She explained to you while pointing her finger to the house next to yours.

“If she controls everything here, then how she won´t be able to recognize that we are not under her control?” You were confused, how were you going to pass unnoticed by her?

“Do not worry darling, you´ll just have to follow me, I will be the nosy neighbor called Agnes and you will be my beautiful wife, you can choose your personality and the name of your character, c´mon tell me one” You thought for a moment before a name popped in your head

“Well I can be f/n and I´m not sure I´m already kind of a shy person so, maybe we can keep that” You said to her and Agatha nodded at you

“Alright darling, now follow me, we will have to greet her”

She offered her arm to you and you linked yours with her, Agatha gave you an encouraging smile, you felt safe with her and both of you walked towards the house next to yours.

Arriving at the entrance of the house, Agatha knocked two times on the door and before someone opened the door, you saw that Agatha was holding a plant in her left arm and you thought that she had conjured it, you brushed it off, someone was already opening the door when you felt Agatha passing her arm around your waist pulling you closer to her, your heated face became red and you bit your lip.

“Hello dear, I´m Agnes your neighbor to the right, my right not yours, and this is my lovely wife f/n” She looked at you smiling giving you a firm squeeze.

“Forgive us for not stopping by sooner, to welcome you to the block, we were doing lovely things, isn’t that right buttercup?” She asked winking at you, you grinned and nodded shyly biting your lip.

Agatha handed the potted plant to the woman in front of you, so this was the person who had created all of this.

Agatha dragged you with her entering the house of the stranger and started to ask her different things, she dragged you inside the house and when both of you were in the middle of the room, the woman placed herself in front of you

“I´m Wanda” Said the woman stretching out her hand, Agatha shook it and then Wanda stretched her hand out to you as well.

After sitting in one of the couches there and Agatha asked more questions, you heard your “wife” saying something to the other woman about a magazine, you felt Agatha standing up and she took your hand in hers.

“It was lovely to meet you Wanda, we would love to stay longer but we have a romantic dinner to prepare for ourselves” Agatha smiled at the two of you and you walked out of her house closing the door behind you.

You kept walking alongside Agatha and when you arrived at the door of the house you would be sharing for the next days, she removed herself from you to look at you.

“That was great darling, now we just have to do it for the next days, or weeks, we will see, for now you can enter to our house to settle in, I will go look around the town, I want to know if the entire town is under her control or just this part, ok?” You gave her a sweet smile and nodded she opened the door for you and your heart melted, you went inside and turned yourself to look at her.

“See you later darling” Agatha winked at you again and she closed the door before leaving.

You sighed, you never thought that you would be In the same house as Agatha Harkness, and more important you never thought you would be helping a powerful witch like her, this was something you would never have thought, and also you were going to pretend you were a married couple, when the thought came into your head, you blushed one more time, sitting in a couch you grabbed a cushion that was laying there and proceeded to hugged it, you were excited and felt happy

Going upstairs to see the rooms you entered to one of them, in it there was a bed for one person, pushing the door opened and admiring the decoration you smiled, everything was so pretty from the paintings hanging on the wall to the decorations on the nightstand.

Everything looked like one of those pictures in the magazines which you could look at the different ideas to decorate your room.

Walking to the bed you touched the covers, the sheets and the bedspreads, they were so soft and you couldn’t wait for the night to arrive to finally sleep in it.

You decided to go downstairs to prepare some tea, maybe it would be a better idea if you prepared something to eat for Agatha and you as well, but maybe she would come back really late, because the town wasn’t so small and she had gone to investigate, so maybe it was better not to, you didn’t know at what time she would be coming.

When the sound of the kettle drifted you away from your thoughts you walked towards the stove to pour some of the hot water into the mug that you had taken out from the cupboard.

You stayed there, sitting in the chair while drinking your tea and after finishing you didn’t know what else you could do, there were not a lot of things you could do right now, so deciding to read a book, you walked to the shelves situated in the living room and picked a random book that was placed there, the title read “The price of salt” you remembered the book had being later published under the name of “Carol”, so you just chose that one and laid in the couch, ready to read it.

After some hours of just sitting on the couch you heard someone knocking on the door and you were going to open the door so you stood up from the couch with the book in your hands, but Agatha opened it first and you just stopped in the middle of the corridor, when she saw you, Agatha smiled and you did the same

“Hello again darling! I’m sorry for letting you here alone, but now I have a little more information about what’s going on here” She said to you walking towards you to sit in the couch

"So, what did you do while your wife was busy darling?” Agatha sat down and she eyed what you were reading and couldn’t help but smirk, before you could say something, using her magic she took the book from your hand and it appeared in hers.

“I see darling, you entertained yourself while I was away, that’s totally fine, it’s always good to know what my partner in crime enjoys” You were blushing a lot, you wanted to hide your face, you tried to change the topic by asking her if she wanted something else from you.

“Oh no darling thanks for asking, actually I have to tell you something, tomorrow we will have to attend to one meeting with the other girls, Wanda invited us, it’s something about preparing things for a show, we will know tomorrow” Then she thought about it for a moment, what if you didn’t want to go? And she had rushed to conclusions before asking

“If you want to go of course, you do not have to if you do not want to” She looked shy for a moment

“Oh, Agatha do not worry I want to go, you do not have to worry, it can’t be that bad right? I mean I will just have to sit by your side and listen to whatever they say, so it’s alright” You urged to reassure her and brushed her shoulders

“Alright darling, also have you already chose the room you will be sleeping on?” She was curious and wanted to know

“Oh well, earlier I went to check upstairs and there are two rooms in front of each other so I checked one of them and I really liked it, it’s nice so, maybe you would like to take the one in front of mine” You told her shyly

“That’s alright honey, I will take that one, also is the bed in your room for one person or is it bigger?”

“Well is just for one person, it’s really pretty, it is situated in the corner of the room, why?” You curiously asked her

“Because that means then, that the room I will be in has the queen size bed, you see, these houses have a lot of rooms but one of them is the master bedroom, you know where the married couples sleep in, so are you comfortable with the room you got? If you want, we can change bedrooms”

“It’s alright seriously, you do not need to worry you can have the master bedroom, so we’re ok, I think I will go to sleep, you know traveling by smoke can take its toll on me, I feel tired, tomorrow will be a long day, good night Agatha” You said to her while patting slightly her hand and you took the book out of her hands ‘I will take this with me, thank you" you said and turned around to walk to your new bedroom.

Agatha smiled and stared at you; you were just so sweet.

The next day when you woke up seeing the clock on the nightstand that marked 8 o'clock in the morning, after brushing your teeth you decided to go downstairs to the kitchen to prepare something to eat.

Putting the kettle on the stove you waited for it to boil, So you checked the fridge, there were a lot of things in there and when you checked the cupboard you saw the ingredients to prepare pancakes, the eggs and the milk were in the fridge, the flour was in the shelve of the cupboard, so you had everything to make pancakes, you really didn’t know if Agatha liked them but you decided to make some for her as well

“Honey, what are you doing? I think I overslept” Your turned around to look at her, she was standing in front of the kitchen island already dressed in her plaid dress, you looked at yourself and blushed you were stills in your pajamas.

“Well you’re just in time, I mad pancakes, but in case you didn’t like them I also chopped some fruit, and the tee is ready so, I’m not sure if you would like to have breakfast”

Agatha felt a warm soft feeling in her chest just by looking at what you have done, you stood there in the middle of the kitchen with a spatula in your hand.

She couldn’t help herself from smiling at the sight.

“Oh that’s so sweet angel, of course I would love to have breakfast with you” You felt happy that Agatha had agreed, putting some pancakes in two plates you placed them on the kitchen island, Agatha came towards you and she grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and placed them on the table too, you smiled at her actions, after that you took the kettle from the stove and poured the water into the mugs, Agatha just stared at you, she felt something warm growing in her chest, this was something so new to her, it was something she craved long time ago, a piece of normality and a sense of belonging.

“I will change my clothes really quick and I will come back here, you can start without me, I bet you’re hungry” you said to her while taking the apron out of you, you passed by her side brushing her shoulder a little.

She had to admit you looked really cute with your pajamas on.

When you returned back to the kitchen Agatha eyed you from head to toe, this time you were wearing a circle dress with a waistband, and you had the same pin-up styled hair like yesterday.

Agatha and you sat at the kitchen stools, you were facing each other and she smiled, this was something new for her but also heart-warming.

Breakfast had gone incredibly amazing both of you ate in a peaceful and comforting silence, enjoying each other’s company and even when you finished, Agatha helped you to clean everything up.

"Are we ready to leave?” Asked Agatha leaning into the wall to look at you

“Yes, we’re ready, by the way where is the meeting, and how are we going to get to it, we just arrived, do you already know the town?” You asked your fake wife and she laughed at your eagerness

“Do not worry darling, we will meet Wanda outside her house, then we will just follow her to the club”

You understood and just nodded, she already had everything under control, so you were fine.

“Oh, alright maybe we should leave now, what if Wanda is already waiting for us?”

You started to walk towards the door and Agatha followed behind you, you opened the door and Agatha hurried to keep close to you.

When you left your house you saw Wanda around the bushes and when you arrived by her side she gasped and dropped something that she was holding you couldn’t see what it was and before you could understand what she was doing Agatha started to talk to her, you brushed the thought off and decided to stick beside her, you weren’t paying attention to what the two of them were saying and instead just focused yourself on the view of the town, it was quite pretty.

Arriving at the club you saw a huge pool in the middle of the place and next to it there were some chairs, you guessed that would be the place where the meeting would be taking place.

You were eager this was something really exciting for you, you just wanted to explore the place but that would be later for now you just had to sit with Agatha, o well Agnes now that she was in character.

The meeting was so boring, they were discussing about giving performances for the town and something for the children, you noted to ask Agatha later about that, and after some time of just spacing out halfway through the conversation they were having you couldn’t help but rest your head on Agatha’s shoulder, when she felt your action she unconsciously put her hand on you tight and stroked it, Dottie noticed you were not paying attention and she cleared her throat to drag your attention, you looked at her, and Agatha and Wanda glanced at each other and Agatha rolled her eyes, you just ignored Dottie.

When the meeting finally finished Agatha and you stood up to get ready for the talent show.

“Wow that was so intense” you said to Agatha and she agreed, Dottie’s personality could be a little too intense.

“That’s right but I’m sure Wanda’s making her act like that, later we have to attend to the talent show, I wonder what the others will be doing at it, we still have at least two hours until the show starts, so what would you like to do for now doll?”

“I’m not sure, I mean there’s a whole town to explore, could we, I don’t know, maybe go for a walk? I would like to see more of this town” You were looking straight into her eyes, she really had beautiful blue eyes.

“Of course, y/n we can go for a walk, the weather is really nice” Agatha smiled back at you, her smile could bright ay room, you were sure of that.

After one hour of walking through the neighborhood with your arms intertwined, Agatha told you that it was time to go to the talent show and both of you went to the center of the town to be part of the audience; the show started and it wasn’t bad, actually you enjoyed it, a lot, watching Wanda trying to cover everything Vision was doing was hilarious, you couldn’t stop laughing the entire time Wanda and Vision were on stage and you hadn’t realized that Agatha´s attention was not on the show but on you, she had passed the entire show watching you laugh, she couldn’t help herself, she thought that your laugh was something so beautiful and she just stared at you the whole time.

When both of you returned to your home something strange happened, everything around you got color, and the furniture changed, you were amazed, how could that even happen?

The days kept passing and Agatha and you had your pretty daily routine, sometimes when she overslept you would wake up first and prepare breakfast for the both of you, you really enjoyed her company she was so wise, she knew a lot of things and she also taught you new things that you didn’t know about magic, Agatha had told you that now she understood better what Wanda had been doing there, she had been trying to make everything and everyone act like some sort of sitcom, now everything made more sense, that explained why your house and your clothes kept changing from time to time.

Agatha enjoyed your company a lot, whenever you cooked for her or whenever she helped you cook she felt so happy, she wanted to do everything with you, a beautiful friendship had blossom between you and her, you didn’t feel alone anymore and she was always eager to come home earlier, she of course kept keeping an eye on Wanda´s magic but at the same time she just wanted to try different things with you, to be honest she never thought that she could share her life with someone else, she was always looking for more power but now, with you helping her by her side she felt at peace, she felt happy and she was really glad that you had arrived at the same time to Westview like her, she felt that you completed her in a way she never knew she didn’t have, an empty space had been inside her, and she hadn’t noticed it until you arrived, and now she was not sure if she wanted this illusion that Wanda had created to end.

You were so mesmerized by Agatha, whenever she smiled at you or call you pet names, you felt so nervous but at the same time you loved it, you loved everything about Agatha, how whenever she focused on something she would grab with one hand her elbow and she would take the other hand to her face, it was something you noticed since the first day you met her, her voice was so soothing and soft, you were completely smitten by her.

This time it was Halloween and after Wanda´s twins were born, Agatha and you kept visiting Wanda´s house, the children were so sweet to you, they seemed to like you and they were really funny, you even liked Wanda´s company at this point, also the kids called both of you “Aunt Agnes and Aunt y/n”.

Yesterday the kids had asked Wanda if “Agnes” and you could come with them for trick or treating, of course you agreed, it would be really funny to go with them.

You and Agatha had decided to wear matching costumes and your fake wife and you decided to wear like witches, you laughed at the idea, how ironic it was, so now you were standing in front of Wanda´s house, ready to have an amazing Halloween night, not to say that you were really excited and Agatha could feel it, you just loved Halloween so much, the decorations and actually everything about it, so sad it is too short, but for now you would enjoy it.

Billy opened the door and he greeted you calling his brother and his mother, all of you left the house and walked to the center of the town.

While you were walking down the street you notice that Tommy was looking at you in a strange way, you could feel him staring at you during all the time the five of you walked towards the center of the town, you found it weird but tried not to mind him, maybe he was just curious about something or maybe he wanted to ask you something, you couldn’t guess.

After the kids had enjoyed themselves and after they had enough candies, Agnes and you went to sit in one of the chairs that were placed on the little garden decorated with pumpkins, even some scarecrows where situated around the place, everything looked great, turning your head to look at Agatha you just bit your lip, she looked so beautiful with her witch hat on her head, her silver hair that she had chosen to match her outfit looked amazing on her, honestly anything looked great on her, you didn’t notice the twins and her mom getting close to you until you heard the sound of the chairs being moving out of their place.

You were drifted away from your thoughts by them and looking back to them you still notice the strange look on Tommy´s face, you tried to smile and this time Agatha noticed his look.

“Tommy did you know that is rude to stare at other people?” She asked and you could hide your laugh.

“Tommy, why are you looking at them like that?” This time Wanda asked her kid, now she was curious

“I´m sorry I was just wondering something” Tommy said and you turned your face to look at Agatha, had he notice something off? You tried to calm yourself and waited for him to speak again

“You two are married right?” Asked Tommy and you and Agatha nodded at the same time, now Wanda became more curious, what was he trying to say?

“Then why you never kiss? I´ve never seen you kiss each other, not like my mom and my dad, also why you never hug? Do you have problems? I´ve seen on the tv that when- “

“Tommy that´s enough sweetheart” Wanda interrupted her son while she laughed a little bit ashamed of what Tommy had said, but then she squinted her eyes at you, and now you felt scared, she had realized, now you were sure, you were scared of her, you tried to calm yourself but under Wanda´s gaze you found it impossible.

“I don’t want to seem like a nosy person but, um, Tommy´s right I´ve never seen you acting like a married couple” She tried to smile but now she was really intrigued, what was going on?

You felt a hand around your waist and heard Agatha´s laugh.

“Oh darling, you do not have to worry about our relationship, we are good, right doll?” She shifted herself a little to face you, putting her hand that was not grabbing your waist on your face, she lifted your face a little and she did something you were not waiting.

You saw her leant her face and you closed your eyes, waiting for the kiss.

She captured your lips into hers, her soft lips against yours, adrenaline rushing, you placed your hands on her chest, and you could felt your heart thumping on your chest, you were stunned and heat rose from your stomach, the kiss became a little intense and before you could continue, you had to break the kiss for some air.

You parted your eyes from hers to her lips, and you bit your lip, you saw Agatha looking right at your lips and she winked at you.

“Well, excuse my son, he can be a little curious, I think we will let you finish; we can see you tomorrow” Wanda said with a smirk, and she took her son´s hands, they waved at you saying goodbye and you did the same.

“I´m sorry I should have asked before but- “You didn’t let Agatha finish her words, you pressed yourself against her body one more time passing your arms around her neck and she hugged your waist pulling you closer to her, you opened your mouth to let her kiss you widely.

By the time you broke the kiss, you were grinning.

“Oh, Agatha you do not know how much I´ve wanted to do that, you do not have to ask for permission” Biting your lower lip again when you felt she had a strong grip around your waist, now you were grateful Tommy was too curious.

“Now love, we won´t have to just act, the truth is that I´ve been wanting to hold you, touch you and kiss you, now I would be able to do it, so would you like to go home to finish this there?”

You swallowed at her words, she was right, now you wouldn’t have to act, you were going for the real thing this time and you loved it.

“Of course, I would love to go home, we could worry about the magic and all of that later” Agatha helped you to stand up and she took your hand in hers, this time she gave you a lovely peck on your lips, she broke the distance a little to caress your face with her free hand.

“You´re so beautiful love, you know that? I´m in love with you, and I don´t want this to end, I want you to stay with me”

She looked at you with pure love in her eyes, that was exactly what you wanted with her and nodding excitedly you hugged her, pressing your head into her chest, she dropped a kiss to your hair before lifting your face to look at her again.

“I want to stay with you too, I´m so in love with you, I have loved you without being completely aware of it, but now I do not want to be away from you”

Pulling you closer to her, Agatha pressed her hand in your waist, she didn’t want to be away from you either, this was just the start of something beautiful.

“Let´s go home, we can talk more about this” She leant into your ear “And we can have a more private conversation my love” You shivered at her words being whispered in your ear and her breath against your neck, you could wait to go home.

You were really grateful Tommy had spoken, now you were going to have an amazing night with Agatha.

[tittyinfinity]

I also think we don't talk enough about how autistic/ADHD "gifted" kids burn out right after they're done with school because of the fact that we were given a routine every day, and then suddenly we have to experience an adult world where you have to figure out how to set your own routine. It is very hard to adapt to a sudden change like that.

One example is that I went from playing my instruments every day to barely playing them at all, and I'm realizing that it's because school FORCED me to get past my executive dysfunction. I no longer have anything forcing me to indulge in my hobbies, even though I WANT to. So I just....don't do them. Drawing, crocheting, music, all those skills are halfway gone.

I've been an adult for 10 years and it's so much harder to get myself to do things that I was able to do as a highschooler.

I do have a very big problem with demand avoidance. I was very angry about the fact that I was forced to do things in school and wasn't able to set my own schedule.

But I'm just as frustrated with myself as an adult, because I was never taught how to manage myself as a physically and mentally disabled adult.

It's not your fault that you got burnt out. It's near impossible to accept that sudden change without freaking out. Even if you're neurotypical!

Ok I'm ending this post to tell everyone that a goose just landed in my yard and is screaming at me through my window. I think maybe the goose needs to also get their mental health checked out because this is not a normal place for geese to be

[antiporn-activist]

I thought y'all should read this

I have a free trial to News+ so I copy-pasted it for you here. I don't think Jonathan Haidt would object to more people having this info.

Tumblr wouldn't let me post it until i removed all the links to Haidt's sources. You'll have to take my word that everything is sourced.

End the Phone-Based Childhood Now

The environment in which kids grow up today is hostile to human development.

By Jonathan Haidt

Something went suddenly and horribly wrong for adolescents in the early 2010s. By now you’ve likely seen the statistics: Rates of depression and anxiety in the United States—fairly stable in the 2000s—rose by more than 50 percent in many studies from 2010 to 2019. The suicide rate rose 48 percent for adolescents ages 10 to 19. For girls ages 10 to 14, it rose 131 percent.

The problem was not limited to the U.S.: Similar patterns emerged around the same time in Canada, the U.K., Australia, New Zealand, the Nordic countries, and beyond. By a variety of measures and in a variety of countries, the members of Generation Z (born in and after 1996) are suffering from anxiety, depression, self-harm, and related disorders at levels higher than any other generation for which we have data.

The decline in mental health is just one of many signs that something went awry. Loneliness and friendlessness among American teens began to surge around 2012. Academic achievement went down, too. According to “The Nation’s Report Card,” scores in reading and math began to decline for U.S. students after 2012, reversing decades of slow but generally steady increase. PISA, the major international measure of educational trends, shows that declines in math, reading, and science happened globally, also beginning in the early 2010s.

As the oldest members of Gen Z reach their late 20s, their troubles are carrying over into adulthood. Young adults are dating less, having less sex, and showing less interest in ever having children than prior generations. They are more likelyto live with their parents. They were less likely to get jobs as teens, and managers say they are harder to work with. Many of these trends began with earlier generations, but most of them accelerated with Gen Z.

Surveys show that members of Gen Z are shyer and more risk averse than previous generations, too, and risk aversion may make them less ambitious. In an interview last May, OpenAI co-founder Sam Altman and Stripe co-founder Patrick Collison noted that, for the first time since the 1970s, none of Silicon Valley’s preeminent entrepreneurs are under 30. “Something has really gone wrong,” Altman said. In a famously young industry, he was baffled by the sudden absence of great founders in their 20s.

Generations are not monolithic, of course. Many young people are flourishing. Taken as a whole, however, Gen Z is in poor mental health and is lagging behind previous generations on many important metrics. And if a generation is doing poorly––if it is more anxious and depressed and is starting families, careers, and important companies at a substantially lower rate than previous generations––then the sociological and economic consequences will be profound for the entire society.

What happened in the early 2010s that altered adolescent development and worsened mental health? Theories abound, but the fact that similar trends are found in many countries worldwide means that events and trends that are specific to the United States cannot be the main story.

I think the answer can be stated simply, although the underlying psychology is complex: Those were the years when adolescents in rich countries traded in their flip phones for smartphones and moved much more of their social lives online—particularly onto social-media platforms designed for virality and addiction. Once young people began carrying the entire internet in their pockets, available to them day and night, it altered their daily experiences and developmental pathways across the board. Friendship, dating, sexuality, exercise, sleep, academics, politics, family dynamics, identity—all were affected. Life changed rapidly for younger children, too, as they began to get access to their parents’ smartphones and, later, got their own iPads, laptops, and even smartphones during elementary school.

As a social psychologist who has long studied social and moral development, I have been involved in debates about the effects of digital technology for years. Typically, the scientific questions have been framed somewhat narrowly, to make them easier to address with data. For example, do adolescents who consume more social media have higher levels of depression? Does using a smartphone just before bedtime interfere with sleep? The answer to these questions is usually found to be yes, although the size of the relationship is often statistically small, which has led some researchers to conclude that these new technologies are not responsible for the gigantic increases in mental illness that began in the early 2010s.

But before we can evaluate the evidence on any one potential avenue of harm, we need to step back and ask a broader question: What is childhood––including adolescence––and how did it change when smartphones moved to the center of it? If we take a more holistic view of what childhood is and what young children, tweens, and teens need to do to mature into competent adults, the picture becomes much clearer. Smartphone-based life, it turns out, alters or interferes with a great number of developmental processes.

The intrusion of smartphones and social media are not the only changes that have deformed childhood. There’s an important backstory, beginning as long ago as the 1980s, when we started systematically depriving children and adolescents of freedom, unsupervised play, responsibility, and opportunities for risk taking, all of which promote competence, maturity, and mental health. But the change in childhood accelerated in the early 2010s, when an already independence-deprived generation was lured into a new virtual universe that seemed safe to parents but in fact is more dangerous, in many respects, than the physical world.

My claim is that the new phone-based childhood that took shape roughly 12 years ago is making young people sick and blocking their progress to flourishing in adulthood. We need a dramatic cultural correction, and we need it now.

1. The Decline of Play and Independence 

Human brains are extraordinarily large compared with those of other primates, and human childhoods are extraordinarily long, too, to give those large brains time to wire up within a particular culture. A child’s brain is already 90 percent of its adult size by about age 6. The next 10 or 15 years are about learning norms and mastering skills—physical, analytical, creative, and social. As children and adolescents seek out experiences and practice a wide variety of behaviors, the synapses and neurons that are used frequently are retained while those that are used less often disappear. Neurons that fire together wire together, as brain researchers say.

Brain development is sometimes said to be “experience-expectant,” because specific parts of the brain show increased plasticity during periods of life when an animal’s brain can “expect” to have certain kinds of experiences. You can see this with baby geese, who will imprint on whatever mother-sized object moves in their vicinity just after they hatch. You can see it with human children, who are able to learn languages quickly and take on the local accent, but only through early puberty; after that, it’s hard to learn a language and sound like a native speaker. There is also some evidence of a sensitive period for cultural learning more generally. Japanese children who spent a few years in California in the 1970s came to feel “American” in their identity and ways of interacting only if they attended American schools for a few years between ages 9 and 15. If they left before age 9, there was no lasting impact. If they didn’t arrive until they were 15, it was too late; they didn’t come to feel American.

Human childhood is an extended cultural apprenticeship with different tasks at different ages all the way through puberty. Once we see it this way, we can identify factors that promote or impede the right kinds of learning at each age. For children of all ages, one of the most powerful drivers of learning is the strong motivation to play. Play is the work of childhood, and all young mammals have the same job: to wire up their brains by playing vigorously and often, practicing the moves and skills they’ll need as adults. Kittens will play-pounce on anything that looks like a mouse tail. Human children will play games such as tag and sharks and minnows, which let them practice both their predator skills and their escaping-from-predator skills. Adolescents will play sports with greater intensity, and will incorporate playfulness into their social interactions—flirting, teasing, and developing inside jokes that bond friends together. Hundreds of studies on young rats, monkeys, and humans show that young mammals want to play, need to play, and end up socially, cognitively, and emotionally impaired when they are deprived of play.

One crucial aspect of play is physical risk taking. Children and adolescents must take risks and fail—often—in environments in which failure is not very costly. This is how they extend their abilities, overcome their fears, learn to estimate risk, and learn to cooperate in order to take on larger challenges later. The ever-present possibility of getting hurt while running around, exploring, play-fighting, or getting into a real conflict with another group adds an element of thrill, and thrilling play appears to be the most effective kind for overcoming childhood anxieties and building social, emotional, and physical competence. The desire for risk and thrill increases in the teen years, when failure might carry more serious consequences. Children of all ages need to choose the risk they are ready for at a given moment. Young people who are deprived of opportunities for risk taking and independent exploration will, on average, develop into more anxious and risk-averse adults.

Human childhood and adolescence evolved outdoors, in a physical world full of dangers and opportunities. Its central activities––play, exploration, and intense socializing––were largely unsupervised by adults, allowing children to make their own choices, resolve their own conflicts, and take care of one another. Shared adventures and shared adversity bound young people together into strong friendship clusters within which they mastered the social dynamics of small groups, which prepared them to master bigger challenges and larger groups later on.

And then we changed childhood.

The changes started slowly in the late 1970s and ’80s, before the arrival of the internet, as many parents in the U.S. grew fearful that their children would be harmed or abducted if left unsupervised. Such crimes have always been extremely rare, but they loomed larger in parents’ minds thanks in part to rising levels of street crime combined with the arrival of cable TV, which enabled round-the-clock coverage of missing-children cases. A general decline in social capital––the degree to which people knew and trusted their neighbors and institutions––exacerbated parental fears. Meanwhile, rising competition for college admissions encouraged more intensive forms of parenting. In the 1990s, American parents began pulling their children indoors or insisting that afternoons be spent in adult-run enrichment activities. Free play, independent exploration, and teen-hangout time declined.

In recent decades, seeing unchaperoned children outdoors has become so novel that when one is spotted in the wild, some adults feel it is their duty to call the police. In 2015, the Pew Research Center found that parents, on average, believed that children should be at least 10 years old to play unsupervised in front of their house, and that kids should be 14 before being allowed to go unsupervised to a public park. Most of these same parents had enjoyed joyous and unsupervised outdoor play by the age of 7 or 8.

2. The Virtual World Arrives in Two Waves

The internet, which now dominates the lives of young people, arrived in two waves of linked technologies. The first one did little harm to Millennials. The second one swallowed Gen Z whole.

The first wave came ashore in the 1990s with the arrival of dial-up internet access, which made personal computers good for something beyond word processing and basic games. By 2003, 55 percent of American households had a computer with (slow) internet access. Rates of adolescent depression, loneliness, and other measures of poor mental health did not rise in this first wave. If anything, they went down a bit. Millennial teens (born 1981 through 1995), who were the first to go through puberty with access to the internet, were psychologically healthier and happier, on average, than their older siblings or parents in Generation X (born 1965 through 1980).

The second wave began to rise in the 2000s, though its full force didn’t hit until the early 2010s. It began rather innocently with the introduction of social-media platforms that helped people connect with their friends. Posting and sharing content became much easier with sites such as Friendster (launched in 2003), Myspace (2003), and Facebook (2004).

Teens embraced social media soon after it came out, but the time they could spend on these sites was limited in those early years because the sites could only be accessed from a computer, often the family computer in the living room. Young people couldn’t access social media (and the rest of the internet) from the school bus, during class time, or while hanging out with friends outdoors. Many teens in the early-to-mid-2000s had cellphones, but these were basic phones (many of them flip phones) that had no internet access. Typing on them was difficult––they had only number keys. Basic phones were tools that helped Millennials meet up with one another in person or talk with each other one-on-one. I have seen no evidence to suggest that basic cellphones harmed the mental health of Millennials.

It was not until the introduction of the iPhone (2007), the App Store (2008), and high-speed internet (which reached 50 percent of American homes in 2007)—and the corresponding pivot to mobile made by many providers of social media, video games, and porn—that it became possible for adolescents to spend nearly every waking moment online. The extraordinary synergy among these innovations was what powered the second technological wave. In 2011, only 23 percent of teens had a smartphone. By 2015, that number had risen to 73 percent, and a quarter of teens said they were online “almost constantly.” Their younger siblings in elementary school didn’t usually have their own smartphones, but after its release in 2010, the iPad quickly became a staple of young children’s daily lives. It was in this brief period, from 2010 to 2015, that childhood in America (and many other countries) was rewired into a form that was more sedentary, solitary, virtual, and incompatible with healthy human development.

3. Techno-optimism and the Birth of the Phone-Based Childhood

The phone-based childhood created by that second wave—including not just smartphones themselves, but all manner of internet-connected devices, such as tablets, laptops, video-game consoles, and smartwatches—arrived near the end of a period of enormous optimism about digital technology. The internet came into our lives in the mid-1990s, soon after the fall of the Soviet Union. By the end of that decade, it was widely thought that the web would be an ally of democracy and a slayer of tyrants. When people are connected to each other, and to all the information in the world, how could any dictator keep them down?

In the 2000s, Silicon Valley and its world-changing inventions were a source of pride and excitement in America. Smart and ambitious young people around the world wanted to move to the West Coast to be part of the digital revolution. Tech-company founders such as Steve Jobs and Sergey Brin were lauded as gods, or at least as modern Prometheans, bringing humans godlike powers. The Arab Spring bloomed in 2011 with the help of decentralized social platforms, including Twitter and Facebook. When pundits and entrepreneurs talked about the power of social media to transform society, it didn’t sound like a dark prophecy.

You have to put yourself back in this heady time to understand why adults acquiesced so readily to the rapid transformation of childhood. Many parents had concerns, even then, about what their children were doing online, especially because of the internet’s ability to put children in contact with strangers. But there was also a lot of excitement about the upsides of this new digital world. If computers and the internet were the vanguards of progress, and if young people––widely referred to as “digital natives”––were going to live their lives entwined with these technologies, then why not give them a head start? I remember how exciting it was to see my 2-year-old son master the touch-and-swipe interface of my first iPhone in 2008. I thought I could see his neurons being woven together faster as a result of the stimulation it brought to his brain, compared to the passivity of watching television or the slowness of building a block tower. I thought I could see his future job prospects improving.

Touchscreen devices were also a godsend for harried parents. Many of us discovered that we could have peace at a restaurant, on a long car trip, or at home while making dinner or replying to emails if we just gave our children what they most wanted: our smartphones and tablets. We saw that everyone else was doing it and figured it must be okay.

It was the same for older children, desperate to join their friends on social-media platforms, where the minimum age to open an account was set by law to 13, even though no research had been done to establish the safety of these products for minors. Because the platforms did nothing (and still do nothing) to verify the stated age of new-account applicants, any 10-year-old could open multiple accounts without parental permission or knowledge, and many did. Facebook and later Instagram became places where many sixth and seventh graders were hanging out and socializing. If parents did find out about these accounts, it was too late. Nobody wanted their child to be isolated and alone, so parents rarely forced their children to shut down their accounts.

We had no idea what we were doing.

4. The High Cost of a Phone-Based Childhood

In Walden, his 1854 reflection on simple living, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The cost of a thing is the amount of … life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” It’s an elegant formulation of what economists would later call the opportunity cost of any choice—all of the things you can no longer do with your money and time once you’ve committed them to something else. So it’s important that we grasp just how much of a young person’s day is now taken up by their devices.

The numbers are hard to believe. The most recent Gallup data show that American teens spend about five hours a day just on social-media platforms (including watching videos on TikTok and YouTube). Add in all the other phone- and screen-based activities, and the number rises to somewhere between seven and nine hours a day, on average. The numbers are even higher in single-parent and low-income families, and among Black, Hispanic, and Native American families.

In Thoreau’s terms, how much of life is exchanged for all this screen time? Arguably, most of it. Everything else in an adolescent’s day must get squeezed down or eliminated entirely to make room for the vast amount of content that is consumed, and for the hundreds of “friends,” “followers,” and other network connections that must be serviced with texts, posts, comments, likes, snaps, and direct messages. I recently surveyed my students at NYU, and most of them reported that the very first thing they do when they open their eyes in the morning is check their texts, direct messages, and social-media feeds. It’s also the last thing they do before they close their eyes at night. And it’s a lot of what they do in between.

The amount of time that adolescents spend sleeping declined in the early 2010s, and many studies tie sleep loss directly to the use of devices around bedtime, particularly when they’re used to scroll through social media. Exercise declined, too, which is unfortunate because exercise, like sleep, improves both mental and physical health. Book reading has been declining for decades, pushed aside by digital alternatives, but the decline, like so much else, sped up in the early 2010s. With passive entertainment always available, adolescent minds likely wander less than they used to; contemplation and imagination might be placed on the list of things winnowed down or crowded out.

But perhaps the most devastating cost of the new phone-based childhood was the collapse of time spent interacting with other people face-to-face. A study of how Americans spend their time found that, before 2010, young people (ages 15 to 24) reported spending far more time with their friends (about two hours a day, on average, not counting time together at school) than did older people (who spent just 30 to 60 minutes with friends). Time with friends began decreasing for young people in the 2000s, but the drop accelerated in the 2010s, while it barely changed for older people. By 2019, young people’s time with friends had dropped to just 67 minutes a day. It turns out that Gen Z had been socially distancing for many years and had mostly completed the project by the time COVID-19 struck.

You might question the importance of this decline. After all, isn’t much of this online time spent interacting with friends through texting, social media, and multiplayer video games? Isn’t that just as good?

Some of it surely is, and virtual interactions offer unique benefits too, especially for young people who are geographically or socially isolated. But in general, the virtual world lacks many of the features that make human interactions in the real world nutritious, as we might say, for physical, social, and emotional development. In particular, real-world relationships and social interactions are characterized by four features—typical for hundreds of thousands of years—that online interactions either distort or erase.

First, real-world interactions are embodied, meaning that we use our hands and facial expressions to communicate, and we learn to respond to the body language of others. Virtual interactions, in contrast, mostly rely on language alone. No matter how many emojis are offered as compensation, the elimination of communication channels for which we have eons of evolutionary programming is likely to produce adults who are less comfortable and less skilled at interacting in person.

Second, real-world interactions are synchronous; they happen at the same time. As a result, we learn subtle cues about timing and conversational turn taking. Synchronous interactions make us feel closer to the other person because that’s what getting “in sync” does. Texts, posts, and many other virtual interactions lack synchrony. There is less real laughter, more room for misinterpretation, and more stress after a comment that gets no immediate response.

Third, real-world interactions primarily involve one‐to‐one communication, or sometimes one-to-several. But many virtual communications are broadcast to a potentially huge audience. Online, each person can engage in dozens of asynchronous interactions in parallel, which interferes with the depth achieved in all of them. The sender’s motivations are different, too: With a large audience, one’s reputation is always on the line; an error or poor performance can damage social standing with large numbers of peers. These communications thus tend to be more performative and anxiety-inducing than one-to-one conversations.

Finally, real-world interactions usually take place within communities that have a high bar for entry and exit, so people are strongly motivated to invest in relationships and repair rifts when they happen. But in many virtual networks, people can easily block others or quit when they are displeased. Relationships within such networks are usually more disposable.

These unsatisfying and anxiety-producing features of life online should be recognizable to most adults. Online interactions can bring out antisocial behavior that people would never display in their offline communities. But if life online takes a toll on adults, just imagine what it does to adolescents in the early years of puberty, when their “experience expectant” brains are rewiring based on feedback from their social interactions.

Kids going through puberty online are likely to experience far more social comparison, self-consciousness, public shaming, and chronic anxiety than adolescents in previous generations, which could potentially set developing brains into a habitual state of defensiveness. The brain contains systems that are specialized for approach (when opportunities beckon) and withdrawal (when threats appear or seem likely). People can be in what we might call “discover mode” or “defend mode” at any moment, but generally not both. The two systems together form a mechanism for quickly adapting to changing conditions, like a thermostat that can activate either a heating system or a cooling system as the temperature fluctuates. Some people’s internal thermostats are generally set to discover mode, and they flip into defend mode only when clear threats arise. These people tend to see the world as full of opportunities. They are happier and less anxious. Other people’s internal thermostats are generally set to defend mode, and they flip into discover mode only when they feel unusually safe. They tend to see the world as full of threats and are more prone to anxiety and depressive disorders.

A simple way to understand the differences between Gen Z and previous generations is that people born in and after 1996 have internal thermostats that were shifted toward defend mode. This is why life on college campuses changed so suddenly when Gen Z arrived, beginning around 2014. Students began requesting “safe spaces” and trigger warnings. They were highly sensitive to “microaggressions” and sometimes claimed that words were “violence.” These trends mystified those of us in older generations at the time, but in hindsight, it all makes sense. Gen Z students found words, ideas, and ambiguous social encounters more threatening than had previous generations of students because we had fundamentally altered their psychological development.

5. So Many Harms

The debate around adolescents’ use of smartphones and social media typically revolves around mental health, and understandably so. But the harms that have resulted from transforming childhood so suddenly and heedlessly go far beyondmental health. I’ve touched on some of them—social awkwardness, reduced self-confidence, and a more sedentary childhood. Here are three additional harms.

Fragmented Attention, Disrupted Learning

Staying on task while sitting at a computer is hard enough for an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex. It is far more difficult for adolescents in front of their laptop trying to do homework. They are probably less intrinsically motivated to stay on task. They’re certainly less able, given their undeveloped prefrontal cortex, and hence it’s easy for any company with an app to lure them away with an offer of social validation or entertainment. Their phones are pinging constantly—one study found that the typical adolescent now gets 237 notifications a day, roughly 15 every waking hour. Sustained attention is essential for doing almost anything big, creative, or valuable, yet young people find their attention chopped up into little bits by notifications offering the possibility of high-pleasure, low-effort digital experiences.

It even happens in the classroom. Studies confirm that when students have access to their phones during class time, they use them, especially for texting and checking social media, and their grades and learning suffer. This might explain why benchmark test scores began to decline in the U.S. and around the world in the early 2010s—well before the pandemic hit.

Addiction and Social Withdrawal

The neural basis of behavioral addiction to social media or video games is not exactly the same as chemical addiction to cocaine or opioids. Nonetheless, they all involve abnormally heavy and sustained activation of dopamine neurons and reward pathways. Over time, the brain adapts to these high levels of dopamine; when the child is not engaged in digital activity, their brain doesn’t have enough dopamine, and the child experiences withdrawal symptoms. These generally include anxiety, insomnia, and intense irritability. Kids with these kinds of behavioral addictions often become surly and aggressive, and withdraw from their families into their bedrooms and devices.

Social-media and gaming platforms were designed to hook users. How successful are they? How many kids suffer from digital addictions?

The main addiction risks for boys seem to be video games and porn. “Internet gaming disorder,” which was added to the main diagnosis manual of psychiatry in 2013 as a condition for further study, describes “significant impairment or distress” in several aspects of life, along with many hallmarks of addiction, including an inability to reduce usage despite attempts to do so. Estimates for the prevalence of IGD range from 7 to 15 percent among adolescent boys and young men. As for porn, a nationally representative survey of American adults published in 2019 found that 7 percent of American men agreed or strongly agreed with the statement “I am addicted to pornography”—and the rates were higher for the youngest men.

Girls have much lower rates of addiction to video games and porn, but they use social media more intensely than boys do. A study of teens in 29 nations found that between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents engage in what is called “problematic social media use,” which includes symptoms such as preoccupation, withdrawal symptoms, neglect of other areas of life, and lying to parents and friends about time spent on social media. That study did not break down results by gender, but many others have found that rates of “problematic use” are higher for girls.

I don’t want to overstate the risks: Most teens do not become addicted to their phones and video games. But across multiple studies and across genders, rates of problematic use come out in the ballpark of 5 to 15 percent. Is there any other consumer product that parents would let their children use relatively freely if they knew that something like one in 10 kids would end up with a pattern of habitual and compulsive use that disrupted various domains of life and looked a lot like an addiction?

The Decay of Wisdom and the Loss of Meaning 

During that crucial sensitive period for cultural learning, from roughly ages 9 through 15, we should be especially thoughtful about who is socializing our children for adulthood. Instead, that’s when most kids get their first smartphone and sign themselves up (with or without parental permission) to consume rivers of content from random strangers. Much of that content is produced by other adolescents, in blocks of a few minutes or a few seconds.

This rerouting of enculturating content has created a generation that is largely cut off from older generations and, to some extent, from the accumulated wisdom of humankind, including knowledge about how to live a flourishing life. Adolescents spend less time steeped in their local or national culture. They are coming of age in a confusing, placeless, ahistorical maelstrom of 30-second stories curated by algorithms designed to mesmerize them. Without solid knowledge of the past and the filtering of good ideas from bad––a process that plays out over many generations––young people will be more prone to believe whatever terrible ideas become popular around them, which might explain why videos showing young people reacting positively to Osama bin Laden’s thoughts about America were trending on TikTok last fall.

All this is made worse by the fact that so much of digital public life is an unending supply of micro dramas about somebody somewhere in our country of 340 million people who did something that can fuel an outrage cycle, only to be pushed aside by the next. It doesn’t add up to anything and leaves behind only a distorted sense of human nature and affairs.

When our public life becomes fragmented, ephemeral, and incomprehensible, it is a recipe for anomie, or normlessness. The great French sociologist Émile Durkheim showed long ago that a society that fails to bind its people together with some shared sense of sacredness and common respect for rules and norms is not a society of great individual freedom; it is, rather, a place where disoriented individuals have difficulty setting goals and exerting themselves to achieve them. Durkheim argued that anomie was a major driver of suicide rates in European countries. Modern scholars continue to draw on his work to understand suicide rates today. 

Durkheim’s observations are crucial for understanding what happened in the early 2010s. A long-running survey of American teens found that, from 1990 to 2010, high-school seniors became slightly less likely to agree with statements such as “Life often feels meaningless.” But as soon as they adopted a phone-based life and many began to live in the whirlpool of social media, where no stability can be found, every measure of despair increased. From 2010 to 2019, the number who agreed that their lives felt “meaningless” increased by about 70 percent, to more than one in five.

6. Young People Don’t Like Their Phone-Based Lives

How can I be confident that the epidemic of adolescent mental illness was kicked off by the arrival of the phone-based childhood? Skeptics point to other events as possible culprits, including the 2008 global financial crisis, global warming, the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting and the subsequent active-shooter drills, rising academic pressures, and the opioid epidemic. But while these events might have been contributing factors in some countries, none can explain both the timing and international scope of the disaster.

An additional source of evidence comes from Gen Z itself. With all the talk of regulating social media, raising age limits, and getting phones out of schools, you might expect to find many members of Gen Z writing and speaking out in opposition. I’ve looked for such arguments and found hardly any. In contrast, many young adults tell stories of devastation.

Freya India, a 24-year-old British essayist who writes about girls, explains how social-media sites carry girls off to unhealthy places: “It seems like your child is simply watching some makeup tutorials, following some mental health influencers, or experimenting with their identity. But let me tell you: they are on a conveyor belt to someplace bad. Whatever insecurity or vulnerability they are struggling with, they will be pushed further and further into it.” She continues:

Gen Z were the guinea pigs in this uncontrolled global social experiment. We were the first to have our vulnerabilities and insecurities fed into a machine that magnified and refracted them back at us, all the time, before we had any sense of who we were. We didn’t just grow up with algorithms. They raised us. They rearranged our faces. Shaped our identities. Convinced us we were sick.

Rikki Schlott, a 23-year-old American journalist and co-author of The Canceling of the American Mind, writes,

"The day-to-day life of a typical teen or tween today would be unrecognizable to someone who came of age before the smartphone arrived. Zoomers are spending an average of 9 hours daily in this screen-time doom loop—desperate to forget the gaping holes they’re bleeding out of, even if just for … 9 hours a day. Uncomfortable silence could be time to ponder why they’re so miserable in the first place. Drowning it out with algorithmic white noise is far easier."

A 27-year-old man who spent his adolescent years addicted (his word) to video games and pornography sent me this reflection on what that did to him:

I missed out on a lot of stuff in life—a lot of socialization. I feel the effects now: meeting new people, talking to people. I feel that my interactions are not as smooth and fluid as I want. My knowledge of the world (geography, politics, etc.) is lacking. I didn’t spend time having conversations or learning about sports. I often feel like a hollow operating system.

Or consider what Facebook found in a research project involving focus groups of young people, revealed in 2021 by the whistleblower Frances Haugen: “Teens blame Instagram for increases in the rates of anxiety and depression among teens,” an internal document said. “This reaction was unprompted and consistent across all groups.”

7. Collective-Action Problems

Social-media companies such as Meta, TikTok, and Snap are often compared to tobacco companies, but that’s not really fair to the tobacco industry. It’s true that companies in both industries marketed harmful products to children and tweaked their products for maximum customer retention (that is, addiction), but there’s a big difference: Teens could and did choose, in large numbers, not to smoke. Even at the peak of teen cigarette use, in 1997, nearly two-thirds of high-school students did not smoke.

Social media, in contrast, applies a lot more pressure on nonusers, at a much younger age and in a more insidious way. Once a few students in any middle school lie about their age and open accounts at age 11 or 12, they start posting photos and comments about themselves and other students. Drama ensues. The pressure on everyone else to join becomes intense. Even a girl who knows, consciously, that Instagram can foster beauty obsession, anxiety, and eating disorders might sooner take those risks than accept the seeming certainty of being out of the loop, clueless, and excluded. And indeed, if she resists while most of her classmates do not, she might, in fact, be marginalized, which puts her at risk for anxiety and depression, though via a different pathway than the one taken by those who use social media heavily. In this way, social media accomplishes a remarkable feat: It even harms adolescents who do not use it.

A recent study led by the University of Chicago economist Leonardo Bursztyn captured the dynamics of the social-media trap precisely. The researchers recruited more than 1,000 college students and asked them how much they’d need to be paid to deactivate their accounts on either Instagram or TikTok for four weeks. That’s a standard economist’s question to try to compute the net value of a product to society. On average, students said they’d need to be paid roughly $50 ($59 for TikTok, $47 for Instagram) to deactivate whichever platform they were asked about. Then the experimenters told the students that they were going to try to get most of the others in their school to deactivate that same platform, offering to pay them to do so as well, and asked, Now how much would you have to be paid to deactivate, if most others did so? The answer, on average, was less than zero. In each case, most students were willing to pay to have that happen.

Social media is all about network effects. Most students are only on it because everyone else is too. Most of them would prefer that nobody be on these platforms. Later in the study, students were asked directly, “Would you prefer to live in a world without Instagram [or TikTok]?” A majority of students said yes––58 percent for each app.

This is the textbook definition of what social scientists call a collective-action problem. It’s what happens when a group would be better off if everyone in the group took a particular action, but each actor is deterred from acting, because unless the others do the same, the personal cost outweighs the benefit. Fishermen considering limiting their catch to avoid wiping out the local fish population are caught in this same kind of trap. If no one else does it too, they just lose profit.

Cigarettes trapped individual smokers with a biological addiction. Social media has trapped an entire generation in a collective-action problem. Early app developers deliberately and knowingly exploited the psychological weaknesses and insecurities of young people to pressure them to consume a product that, upon reflection, many wish they could use less, or not at all.

8. Four Norms to Break Four Traps

Young people and their parents are stuck in at least four collective-action traps. Each is hard to escape for an individual family, but escape becomes much easier if families, schools, and communities coordinate and act together. Here are four norms that would roll back the phone-based childhood. I believe that any community that adopts all four will see substantial improvements in youth mental health within two years.

No smartphones before high school  

The trap here is that each child thinks they need a smartphone because “everyone else” has one, and many parents give in because they don’t want their child to feel excluded. But if no one else had a smartphone—or even if, say, only half of the child’s sixth-grade class had one—parents would feel more comfortable providing a basic flip phone (or no phone at all). Delaying round-the-clock internet access until ninth grade (around age 14) as a national or community norm would help to protect adolescents during the very vulnerable first few years of puberty. According to a 2022 British study, these are the years when social-media use is most correlated with poor mental health. Family policies about tablets, laptops, and video-game consoles should be aligned with smartphone restrictions to prevent overuse of other screen activities.

No social media before 16

The trap here, as with smartphones, is that each adolescent feels a strong need to open accounts on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and other platforms primarily because that’s where most of their peers are posting and gossiping. But if the majority of adolescents were not on these accounts until they were 16, families and adolescents could more easily resist the pressure to sign up. The delay would not mean that kids younger than 16 could never watch videos on TikTok or YouTube—only that they could not open accounts, give away their data, post their own content, and let algorithms get to know them and their preferences.

Phone‐free schools 

Most schools claim that they ban phones, but this usually just means that students aren’t supposed to take their phone out of their pocket during class. Research shows that most students do use their phones during class time. They also use them during lunchtime, free periods, and breaks between classes––times when students could and should be interacting with their classmates face-to-face. The only way to get students’ minds off their phones during the school day is to require all students to put their phones (and other devices that can send or receive texts) into a phone locker or locked pouch at the start of the day. Schools that have gone phone-free always seem to report that it has improved the culture, making students more attentive in class and more interactive with one another. Published studies back them up.

More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world

Many parents are afraid to give their children the level of independence and responsibility they themselves enjoyed when they were young, even though rates of homicide, drunk driving, and other physical threats to children are way down in recent decades. Part of the fear comes from the fact that parents look at each other to determine what is normal and therefore safe, and they see few examples of families acting as if a 9-year-old can be trusted to walk to a store without a chaperone. But if many parents started sending their children out to play or run errands, then the norms of what is safe and accepted would change quickly. So would ideas about what constitutes “good parenting.” And if more parents trusted their children with more responsibility––for example, by asking their kids to do more to help out, or to care for others––then the pervasive sense of uselessness now found in surveys of high-school students might begin to dissipate.

It would be a mistake to overlook this fourth norm. If parents don’t replace screen time with real-world experiences involving friends and independent activity, then banning devices will feel like deprivation, not the opening up of a world of opportunities.

The main reason why the phone-based childhood is so harmful is because it pushes aside everything else. Smartphones are experience blockers. Our ultimate goal should not be to remove screens entirely, nor should it be to return childhood to exactly the way it was in 1960. Rather, it should be to create a version of childhood and adolescence that keeps young people anchored in the real world while flourishing in the digital age.

9. What Are We Waiting For?

An essential function of government is to solve collective-action problems. Congress could solve or help solve the ones I’ve highlighted—for instance, by raising the age of “internet adulthood” to 16 and requiring tech companies to keep underage children off their sites.

In recent decades, however, Congress has not been good at addressing public concerns when the solutions would displease a powerful and deep-pocketed industry. Governors and state legislators have been much more effective, and their successes might let us evaluate how well various reforms work. But the bottom line is that to change norms, we’re going to need to do most of the work ourselves, in neighborhood groups, schools, and other communities.

There are now hundreds of organizations––most of them started by mothers who saw what smartphones had done to their children––that are working to roll back the phone-based childhood or promote a more independent, real-world childhood. (I have assembled a list of many of them.) One that I co-founded, at LetGrow.org, suggests a variety of simple programs for parents or schools, such as play club (schools keep the playground open at least one day a week before or after school, and kids sign up for phone-free, mixed-age, unstructured play as a regular weekly activity) and the Let Grow Experience (a series of homework assignments in which students––with their parents’ consent––choose something to do on their own that they’ve never done before, such as walk the dog, climb a tree, walk to a store, or cook dinner).

Parents are fed up with what childhood has become. Many are tired of having daily arguments about technologies that were designed to grab hold of their children’s attention and not let go. But the phone-based childhood is not inevitable.

The four norms I have proposed cost almost nothing to implement, they cause no clear harm to anyone, and while they could be supported by new legislation, they can be instilled even without it. We can begin implementing all of them right away, this year, especially in communities with good cooperation between schools and parents. A single memo from a principal asking parents to delay smartphones and social media, in support of the school’s effort to improve mental health by going phone free, would catalyze collective action and reset the community’s norms.

We didn’t know what we were doing in the early 2010s. Now we do. It’s time to end the phone-based childhood.

This article is adapted from Jonathan Haidt’s forthcoming book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.

[riddles-n-games]

Hey guys, I've been seeing another rift going on in the fandom regarding TGG and TIG characters, so I've decided to make a statement that can hopefully make things more cohesive.

I understand that not everyone likes the new spin-off and honestly, I'm considering just stopping after GU. Personally, I don't have anything against the characters of TGG but my problem is that they sound too much like our old mains. However, that's not their fault. It's the author's. There's nothing wrong with JLB wanting to expand the TIG universe but it is problematic when you are repeating the same character arcs of the old characters that are also present and interacting with these new mains. The problem that we face is the fact while even in The Naturals there are similar characters, they are divided by different series. However, that is not going on here with TIG and TGG. TGG is a continuation of TIG and our TIG characters are still present. Heck, one of our old mains is a player and a love interest here to one of the new mains. And therein lies the issue. When you have a connected series, it's important to have distinguished characters with different voices, not carbon copies.

What I expected for TGG characters was that she would move from the character tropes we've seen already in the series and come up with new ones. I mean, come on, she's a psychology major, we bring that up so often but what's the point when she keeps going in circles and never brings up anything new? I pointed a lot of this out pre-read because I already correctly guessed where this was going within just a few pages of reveal. Don't get me wrong, if she wanted to, she could do it but it doesn't feel like she has new plans or plots. Be honest with yourselves and don't just praise because she's your favorite author. You can be a reader, a fan, and a respectful critic all at the same time. Don't lower your expectations just because they can't deliver every time.

The trouble is that when you go back to TFG, in the acknowledgments, she herself wrote she wasn't sure there was going to be a third book. And now look, suddenly two books were announced a month or two after she released the last book of the trilogy which introduced our mains and not the most fashionably. I do believe she had ideas but I don't think they were the best fleshed out. You have to realize that just reading TGG, how many of you recognized the obvious plots, the romantic subplots, the character arcs, and even the semi-hidden plots just getting to the halfway point? And how many of you said, hey, wait a minute, we've had this plotline before? You did, didn't you? I want to give Jennifer the benefit of the doubt but I truly think she is in over her head because I don't believe she quite thought that this is how long the series would go.

In fact, I think that she is making more trouble for herself in trying multi POV for this new series when really I think it should have just been Gray taking over. It would have allowed us to see how he's grown especially after the heartache and mental health issues he's had to go through to get here. It felt like the obvious next step, even the summary for TGG made it sound like that. However, the only thing that seems new to me is the hypersexual atmosphere which also makes no sense to me because teens may go through attraction but that doesn't mean they're horny all the time and anyone who's gone through puberty can attest to that. So I ask again, like one reviewer on Goodreads put, were the romantic moments in the room with us? 12 hours is not love or romance, it's lust, that's it. Couldn't summarize it clearer. If she wanted to make it better, it could have been that she made the book stretch over a series of weeks which is why I wonder what the heck will happen to any character development if this book series is done in like 3 days?

As I said, a lot of things feel very repetitive, the plot, word choice, thought processes, quotes and sayings, etc. We are in a loop. She's in a loop. I think that the best thing JLB could have done is leave TIG alone for a few years after TFG, make a new series or whatever works outside this series she wanted to, give herself time to truly see if she has new stories to tell for TIG by writing a spin-off and then come back to give us that content. Because it's really telling how forced things have been in the last two books, even here with GU and I really think this empire is toppling. As they say, quality over quantity and thoughtful than full of thoughts that are just a variation of one another. That's what makes me think more and more she should have left it at TFG.

Thank you for reading and I hope this gives a new perspective that can help you see some things more clearly.

[leah-lover]

Meeting again. Alexia × reader

Part 2

Reader comes back to Barca after 3 years.

The last 3 years have been a grind.

After I left Barcelona, I signed with Manchester city. Alexia and I haven't talked since that conversation at the door. My friends at the club were surprised at my sudden leave from the club we all thought I would retire at but I explained that I just needed a change of scenery and that if it all went well I would be back after one season. The fans were also shocked but I explained that for my mental health I had to leave and they understood that and supported my decision.

After I landed I stayed at Leila’s house while my affairs were getting sorted. The club was welcomùing and so were the girls. I had never played in the WSL before but it was a welcomed challenge. Their style of play was different, the culture surrounding the sport was different and so was the atmosphere, the support and the gay community.

All I focused on was my job. I Was friendly with the girls but never too close. I got fitter, healthier, faster, and more tactically efficient.

In my three years I won 2 WSL titles, 3 FA cups and 2 conti cups. We never made it to the champion’s league but the progress we made was enough for us to be feared globally.

My media presence and influence also grew. I had a disabled growth in the amount of following and input on the sales. Overall I was an entirely different person than the one I was before I left Alexia. The only true thing that mattered to me was myself and my growth.

By the end of my third season, after it had been decided we were the winner because of the difference in points between us and Chelsea, Leila came to me after practice one day.

“ hole chica, i need to talk to you about something.” She said after sitting next to me in the locker room.

“ Okay, go for it.” I replied.

“I noticed this a long time ago but I didn't know how to say it. You are giving my love. You haven't seen you in a long time. The cheerful, happy, complete you. Yes you have been doing well in other areas but you haven't been living a live amigo.” she said, caressing my back with her hand.

I looked up to her with a smile on my face, “ you are concerned, its cute, but don't be i am doing just fine.'' I said.

“ and that the problem you shouldn't be fine you should be more than, fine.” she said before I signed the camel out of her month. “ look so as to not hide anything from you, barca have contacted me.” she added.

Her statement has caused a jolt in my brain. Suddenly all the things that I had suppressed were coming back and all of Alexia back with it. But I stayed put and didn't move at all.

“ With Lucy now gone they need me to be the center back and want to build the old band back. They wanted me to open the conversation with you too but you weren't answering any of their calls or emails.” She said,

It is true Barca have been trying to contact you with no luck. The idea of barca was a distant thought in my brain. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be near her again, not when I just started to forget.

I remained silent and did not move, which prompted Leila to say. “ she drove you out of your club, your home, she doesn't deserve to stay in it while you suffer here. She should be the one suffering, not you. You love the chamipian’s league. You should go back and win it agin. You should fight to get back on the national team and play in the world cup. She has been getting a lot of the glory you deserve.” She was now angry.

“ Okay, I will think about just calming down,” I replied. I got my bags after that and left.

On my ride home all I was thinking about was the fact that she was right. I shouldn't hide away while Alexia is enjoying herself in Barcelona, not while she broke my heart.

As soon as I got home I called the president of barcelona. “ I heard you have a contract for me.'' I said as soon as he picked up.

The following weeks were hectic, me and Leila said our goodbye to the city girls and the staff. We packed up our bags and headed home.

This time she was the one living in my apartment. Our move has been kept quiet with only the necessary people knowing. The club wanted our home communing to be a total surprise. Leila and I negotiated both a multi year contract that we were both happy with.

After we were both settled in and at the start of pre season the club tweeted “ we can now officially announce that our og forward and center back are back safely home.'' The tweet was accompanied with a photo of both me and Leila signing our contracts.

The internet went crazy, we almost broke twitter with an announcement. I then thanked my city family with a post and logged off to prepare for my big day.

I was going to meet Alexia, the love of my life, the last person in my bed, my hero,and the reason for my heartbreak the following day.

I was very nervous so Leila opted to drive. We listened to music in hopes of getting nerves to calm down but with no luck.

When we arrived at the facility Leila held my hand and said “ we got this we are in this together. I smiled at her and started walking.

We went directly to the manager’s office. He gave us the rundown of everything and asked us to come to the field once we finished our fitness test.

We spent a couple hours in the gym getting our test done. Leila’s eyes never left mine reassuring me that everything will be okay. I managed to relax a little in the familiar space.

After we were done the physio asked us to go to the field.

All I could feel was my heart in my throat and the butterflies in my chest. Leila squeezed my hand to reassure me that it will all be fine.

I forgot what it felt like to be in the sun so that was all I was thinking about. Suddenly I heard clapping, Jonathan had introduced us to the team.

The first one to hug me was Ona, then Cata, Panos and all the rest except Mapi, Ingrid, Patri, Claudia and Alexia. They were all standing apart from everybody just watching as the rest of the team gave Leila and i hugs and kisses.

I knew this was gonna be hard but i didn't anticipate this. This will be more painful than hell will ever be.

[12woso12]

Dorothy lands in North London- Prologue

Arsenal buy America's top defender: You.

TW: mentions of mental health, suicide, please don't read if you don't feel up to it

You were built to survive pressure. You were moulded perfectly by the drunk slurs of your father and the untimely death of your mother. There wasn't a single moment that you couldn't handle, you took everything the world threw at you as though you'd been and done it all before.

World cup penalty? No problem.

Injury setback? Bring it on.

Arsenal transfer? Hell yes.

You took everything in your stride, laughing at your own misfortune, finding humour in the darkness. That's how you'd handled your mum's suicide: with insensitive jokes and a cheeky grin that never quite managed to meet your eyes. Most of your frustrations were taken out on the pitch, rough tackles or risky arguments with the opposition had resulted in you being the most carded playing in the NWSL at just 16 years old.

But your aggressive nature on the pitch never seeped into your personality away from football, you made sure of that. You'd do anything to ensure you never inherited your dad's temper and hurt people the way he'd hurt people. The way he'd hurt your mum...the way he hurt you. It was essential that your frustrations were kept firmly on football.

The year you were first called up to the USWNT was the year you finally made enough money to move out. You were sixteen and desperate to escape the clutches of your dad and his disastrous ways. The call up was a long time coming, the NWSL hadn't seen a player with as much potential as you since a teenage Alex Morgan first appeared on the scene.

The call up gained you more attention than you were used to. Granted, you were pretty well known in the States already having played with Gotham city for a year but the media attention you gained for a national call up? That changed the course of your life forever.

Your first tournament with the national team had been nothing short of incredible. It was the 2019 World Cup and you'd spent the entire group stage sat on the bench until Becky Sauerbrunn had gone down injured in the round of 16 and suddenly, you'd been given the chance of a lifetime.

Courageously, at your big age of sixteen, you played in every game until the trophy was in your hands and you were being hailed as the next Bobby Moore. A comparison you were incredibly embarrassed about but one that your teammates, Alex especially, were more than happy to keep reminding you of.

Five years later and you were coming to the end of your contract with Orlando Pride after playing two seasons for them. You were weighing up options for the future, you'd received enough interest from teams across the world to make the decision challenging enough and it was Marta who'd first noticed your troubled expression at training which was an unusual sight compared to your normal sunny nature.

'What's the matter, kid? Your face stuck like that or something?' Marta approached you after drills, concerned as you struggled to shoot her a smile. If there was someone who had all the answers, it was Marta.

'I don't know what to do' You began dropping onto the pitch as the rest of your teammates scurried inside, eager to get to lunch. Marta sat herself down besides you frowning.

'What?' she questioned

You sign and shrug, deflated. 'I've got a lot of interest for my next contract. Obviously Orlando want me to stay but...Gotham want me back, San Diego have been in touch. Even some stuff from Europe'

Much to your surprise, Marta chuckles. 'Kid if i had your problems i'd never want a problem-free life again. You're a superstar! All this attention is deserved'

A small smile stretched across your face. You supposed that Martha did have a point, you were in an incredibly lucky position.

'The offer from San Diego did sound promising...' your mind began to wonder to the conversation you'd had earlier with your agent. He'd be ecstatic about the deal they were willing to offer, there would be a lot of money involved.

'San Diego?' Marta scoffed 'Anjinho, you should set your sights further. If Europe come looking, you make sure you are found.'

You sighed. Europe was just so far away. 'Arsenal have been interested for a while'

Marta slapped you gently on the shoulder 'Arsenal!' she exclaimed 'You love Arsenal...why would you pass on their offer?'

'They're a top team, i mean Leah Williamson plays there. Alessia Russo, Kim Little. I can't hold a candle to them' It was true, you thought. You were only 21, why would they need a kid when they have all the experience and expertise of England's captain?

'Don't be estupida. They would be lucky to have you. You can't spend your entire career in the states. You're too good for that. Way.Too.Good.'

You feel pride seep into your bones. If the great Marta thought you were good, then that was definitely a compliment worth keeping close to your heart.

'Go to Arsenal.' Marta continued. 'Get as far away from here as possible'

'Yeah?' You asked nervously.

'Make yourself found, kid'

Part 1

[areyoudreaminof]

some word salad behind the cut

I never thought I’d ever get into writing. My self esteem is so minimal it’s nearly non existent, so I had never bothered to try. But I started writing last year and found I was enjoying it. I made grand plans to write more until I didn’t.

My passion became my poison, suddenly.

As I scrolled through endless fics and writers much more talented than I am, my anxiety perched itself on my shoulder like a crow and squawked in my ear.

“The shit you’re putting out? No wonder nobody is reading it. You’re writing boring stuff. Who gives a fuck about kids and one shots?” It would say. I’d reply that I didn’t want to write smut. I don’t like doing it and it felt silly.

“So why are you writing at all?” Anxiety Crow said, “That’s what people want. And you can’t even do that.”

It came to a head right before Elucien Week. Last year, I wrote three fics I am still immensely proud of. One of which opened a door for me with the first Next Gen characters I came up with. I had assumed that I’d have something else lined up for this year's Elucien Week.

But in that year, I had a lot of personal changes and mental health challenges that weren’t getting better. I made the mistake of starting a long fic and it became this beast that I couldn’t tame. Even one shots and snippets became a chore. I’d have to force myself to finish a chapter, to try and translate the images I saw in my head to paper, but it wasn’t working. This coincided with my depression peaking in early 2024, in which I got suicidal and had to seek help.

By January, I’d gotten more frustrated with my writing, by June, I despised writing in its entirety. Three days before Elucien Week was due to begin, I hovered my mouse over DELETE ACCOUNT on AO3 and nearly trashed a year worth of work. I decided to take a step back to clear my head and to put a stop to this toxic competition I had with myself. I didn’t want to lose the hobby I’d grown to love and destroy the new friendships I’d made. I was absolutely terrified of losing those wonderful friends I’ve made and I felt so guilty and angry at myself for fumbling the bag and not writing anything.

I can’t even tell you why I obsessed over it, I may never go back to writing at all, but the weight of that self hatred has eased up from my chest. It’s not eating me alive anymore. That’s not to say it’s gone of course. Just the other day I had another major moment of doubt, and nearly trashed everything, again. I’m trying to parse through my own mind constantly to sort out my own spirals and triggers. Some days it’s working, others it’s not.

I think I’m now telling you about it, because I’m sure you’re feeling it too. People reached out to me to check on me when I left and others to let me know they were having the same problems. The feelings of inferiority among fandom, the nagging expectations we placed on ourselves. Never mind any of the challenges we face in our daily lives. What’s the worth of my mental health and happiness and why the fuck do I keep measuring it like this?

Whatever comes of this break, I hope that all of us can find our self worth, wherever it is. I see so many incredible artists, writers, and people that inspire me to want to keep going. If you’re reading this, you’re one of them.

Take a breath and take a break. We’ll figure it out.

[emblemxeno]

Sorry king gotta rant. Why does Bernie having trauma mean you can't dislike her? Where's this energy for Rhea, who lost her people and mother? Catherine has good reason to support Rhea since she saved her fucking life but she doesn't get that pass. Dimitri is mentally ill as hell but I don't see Bernie stans defending him? Oh because Bernie didn't hurt anyone else? Okay, what about cyril? The 14 year old boy who was saved from SLAVERY brings up his surrogate mom a lot. Who did he hurt? Why is Bernie's annoying "funny footsteps" ass where the line is drawn? Everyone in 3h has trauma! People can hate whomever they want don't get me wrong but don't act like your favorite traumatized waifu is above criticism while characters like Rhea get dragged through the fucking mud. I guess trauma is only valid if you support the emperor.

Valid feelings imo anon.

I have come and gone on how I feel about Bernadetta, because it's extremely apparent what she was written as: a character whose major gimmick is meant for surface level laughs and entertainment, with a backstory intended to endear her to the audience.

But therein lies many issues I have.

---One support conversation with Byleth, and she says she's fine around them, for no discernable reason according to her. Her entire support chain, including her Goddess Tower scene, is her all but saying "I can't and never could do anything without you professor!" That's a problem 3H has in general because it has no idea how to intentionally write an actual developed relationship. It's why the Lions' intense homoeroticism within its cast, along with Ferdinand and Hubert, are the most common ships outside of Byleth centered ones, as those effectively stumbled into gold.

Comparatively, most other romantic chains-where love/marriage/a relationship was blatantly intended-fall flat because they shove a lot of it into the A supports (sometimes the B rank ones too), which also has to complete the support chain's arc, making one/two conversations tackle two different and delicate topics at once.

I know people are critical of Awakening and especially Fates having romance being hamfisted in the S ranks, but at least you can complete a support chain's story in those games without the shoddy lovey dovey aspect being required reading alongside the conclusion. It's unavoidable in 3H, and also makes many characters look like shitty, emotionally immature people in a meta sense because they can have these near-confessions-of-love with different characters simultaneously due to it being in the A ranks. Not in a cute polyamorous way, either, no just ludicrous.

I digress though, because this affects Bernadetta for me specifically because it's such a rough backstory that it fails to get me to suspend my disbelief that she can suddenly become comfortable with a very speficic stranger to the point of falling for them. Compounding that with a military academy, events, and eventually a war? Yeah, no, it makes no fucking sense.

---Simiarly, as you say, the music that accompanies her supports makes the revelation of her backstory feel insincere and vacuous. Now, I praise similar kinds of writing in games like Engage with Alfred, for example, where learning a very important detail recontextualizes everything you know and have seen about the character. With Alfred, knowing about his illness and losing his father at a young age, it shifts the entire thought process about his supports, story scenes, Firene as a whole, etc.

The difference between him and Bernadetta though, is the sense of respect. Perhaps it's due to Alfred being plot important, but Alfred is written in a way that signals "I, the writer, respect my work, respect the character I'm putting time and effort into, and respect the audience who is consuming it." Alfred has funny music scenes too, but it's never at the cost of making a joke of his trauma. His muscle worship is funny to listen to, his fitness/health regimen is nutty, his overly enthusiastic personality is entertaining, but none of this is at the expense of his vulnerable points. There's hardly, if any, instances of him being forced into changing who he is, altering his beliefs and lifestyle, or being made into a perennial punchline.

Bernadetta, on the other hand, is almost always treated horribly by the support writing. Yelled at by Edelgard, forced out of her room by Ingrid, beat up by a rabbit in Petra's support, accosted by both Ferdinand and Hubert, carried against her will by Caspar, etc. The only supports where I can comfortably say she's treated all right is with Dorothea, Leonie, Raphael, Seteth and Alois, and even then, a couple of those are reliant on a character getting backstory/teachable moment in between her screaming.

It boils down to "Haha, look at this kooky situation that Bernadetta found herself in because of her shut-in personality, what will happen next? 🤪", meanwhile the whole reason why she's like that is because was violently abused by her father and a childhood friend of hers was nearly beaten to death. The backstory itself, doesn't even recontextualize everything the way Alfred's does either, because now all I think when Bernadetta's screaming is "wow, this is fucking gross and potentially triggering for people who also hate having boundaries crossed due to trauma."

And this is the same game that gave us Dimitri's story arc lol. Then again, most of the female characters in 3H have some garbage writing attached to them, soooo...

---This is personal, but I also just can't jibe with Bernadetta conceptually.

Her part one design is okay (aside from the "wow crazy face Bernadetta cuz she's scared haha! 🤪), but her part two design is kinda horrid.

I don't like her voice at all, though that's not an indictment of Erica Mendez at all (she's great as Deirdre and Lianna). It's the direction and character concept, I just hate high pitched squealing and screaming, no matter the voice type, it hits my ears in the worst way.

She's pretty cool as a unit, due to the vengeance builds and having a good spell list if you wanna go a magic route, but... that's about it.

I don't know if I hate Bernadetta herself, or even really dislike her, but I do vehemently hate the concepts behind her and how she's written.

Really, I think people should feel how they feel about whatever character. And I agree, I think it's kinda BS how certain characters are treated worse than others because their personalities are "more annoying/less endearing" despite also being in similar situations.

[alexihollis]

What Was I Made For? (Ajax/Rembrandt)

Trigger Warning: child abuse, mental health issues

"Where's Rembrandt?" Ajax asked, slightly out of breath as she appeared suddenly in Cleon's living room and startled the Warriors there. Fox, Cochise, Cleon, and Cowgirl were playing cards, Swan lounging on the couch with a book.

"No clue," Cleon placed a card down, not even bothering to look up. "Why?"

"Anyone seen her since, like, lunch? Yesterday?"

"Dude, she's your girl, if any of us-" Cowgirl cut herself off from her joke, then looked to Ajax. "Wait. Have you not seen her since lunch yesterday?!"

"Obviously fucking not." Ajax actually felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest.

Swan sat up straighter, book forgotten. "Did you get in a fight or something?"

"...something like that." Because lying was not going to help the situation.

"What did you do?" Cochise asked.

"None of your business, but she didn't-" Ajax cut herself off. Took a deep breath and said, "We need to go to Queens."

The look Cleon gave her could kill. "Queens?"

"What's in Queens?" Fox asked, but the rest of the girls had caught on.

"You let her go alone?" Swan asked and Ajax bristled at the judgement heavy in her voice.

"I didn't let her do shit," Ajax hissed, eyes narrowed. "I told her I wouldn't go with her, I didn't think she'd go by herself!"

"And her not coming home last night wasn't a bit of a hint?" Swan retorted, getting on her feet.

"I thought she spent the night here! I started getting freaked out after lunch!"

Cochise had already slammed her cards down on the table. "You're an idiot and we need to go."

Cowgirl was also getting up, grabbing her colors.

"Okay, seriously, what's in Queens?" Fox asked.

"Everyone, stop," Cleon's authoritative order stilled the room. "We can't all go to Queens. Besides, that block's deep in Gambit territory. Give me a minute to contact their leader - Silas is a friend. I can fill him in, he'll either swing by the apartment himself or let his soldiers know we're coming through. We aren't starting a war over this."

"You can't be- Its Rembrandt!" Cowgirl exclaimed.

"Who went in of her own free will," Cleon said. "Ajax. Kitchen, please."

God fucking damn it.

In the kitchen, Cleon gestured to the small table as she closed the door. Ajax took a seat, Cleon taking another.

"Why'd Rembrandt go back?" Cleon asked.

Ajax gritted her teeth. Then, "Her gran died. Memorial or wake or some shit was at her old apartment, last night." A moment passed. Ajax picked at loose skin on her thumb, not looking at Cleon. "She wanted me to go with her."

"How'd she even find out about it?" Cleon asked.

"Her brother. Stephen." The slimy fucker. Ajax hated him, from his stupid greasy hair to the obnoxious smirk to the condescending way he always spoke to his little sister.

"Hm." Cleon rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "You told her you wouldn't go?"

What didn't Ajax tell her?

"I told her I wouldn't go. I told her she shouldn't go. She said it was her gran. I said something stupid. It was stupid, the whole thing." Ajax bounced her leg. "I should've just gone with her. I didn't think she'd go alone."

"She shouldn't have."

"I know," the words were bitter on Ajax's tongue. "I should have-"

"Nope," Cleon cut her off. "You're allowed to say no to shit like that. Rembrandt doesn't have a monopoly on not liking your old hood. She should have come to me in the first place."

Ajax shrugged, fidgeted a bit in her seat. "I mean, it's my job to keep her safe. I shouldn't-"

"Let me call Silas," Cleon interrupted again. "See how he wants us to handle it."

Fortunately, Cleon was able to get Silas on the phone easily enough. Ajax could just barely make out the man's voice through the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, I know what building you're talking about, some of our younger boys used to live there," Silas said.

"Well, you cool with us swinging by to check on our girl?" Cleon asked.

"Look, it's not that I have a problem with it, but it's kind of last minute. My guys are already out and about and I've been low on scouts. I can't guarantee that I'll get to everyone in time and some of my guys are dumbasses," Silas said. "How 'bout I swing by there? Let her know her crew's worried?"

"That's fine. Don't take it personal if she runs off on you, she's a bit flighty."

"Course she is, she's a tagger."

Cleon hung the phone back on the wall, turning to Ajax. "Silas is gonna check in on her."

Ajax crossed her arms, shifting her weight on her feet. "I don't like it."

"I know you don't," Cleon said. "I don't like it, either, but it's the best we're gonna get right now. Got it?"

Ajax nodded. The other women were similarly displeased when Cleon told them, but understanding.

Well. Except Fox.

"Can someone please tell me what is in Queens?" She said as everyone had settled back down in the living room, Ajax choosing to sit in the armchair over by the window (not brooding).

"Ajax and Rembrandt's old neighborhood," Cowgirl finally took pity on Fox.

Fox's eyes widened slightly, darting towards Ajax, who just scowled. She didn't ask anymore questions. Ajax hadn't expected her to ask more after that - even three months after her initiation, Fox remained cagy about conversation that veered towards talk of family or old homes. Most of them did, but Fox wouldn't even tell them her original name. They called her probie for a solid week, Ajax was almost worried it would end up being her new name. She appreciated Fox's hesitance, now, though.

The fight the day before came out of nowhere for Ajax. She stopped by at the apartment to grab some lunch to find Rembrandt home, when she was supposed to be out, then, before she could even say hello, Rembrandt started talking about her gran. That she had been sick for a long time and finally passed away the week before and that there would be some sort of memorial that night at Rembrandt's old apartment.

Which really meant Rembrandt's dad's apartment, but neither of them liked calling that man that.

"Woah, woah, back up, how'd you even hear about all this?" Ajax asked, shaking her head to try to clear her racing thoughts.

"Stephen." Her oldest brother. The asshole could track down anyone in the five boroughs.

"Okay. Okay," Ajax tried to get herself on the same page as Rembrandt. "But I don't- Why do you want to go?"

"Its my gran, I have to go." No, Rembrandt decidedly did not have to go.

"Since when did you give a shit about her?" Ajax asked, not nearly as delicately as she perhaps could have been considering the circumstances. And then continued to be less than delicate: "That woman used to lock you out on the fire escape when you pissed her off."

Rembrandt's eyes narrowed. "She was my gran."

"You have scars from frost bite on the bottom of your feet from the time she locked you out there without shoes. In January." Because apparently Rembrandt forgot this. Ajax didn't. Ajax couldn't. "You were ten."

"That's not fair."

"And they're all gonna be there," because Ajax never knew when to shut the fuck up. "Your brothers. Your dad." Rembrandt's face twisted at the word dad. "You really want to see those people?"

"That's why I'm asking you to go with me," but Ajax was already shaking her head.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Ajax, please-"

"No!" Ajax exclaimed, heart jackrabbiting in her chest. "This- this is such bullshit, what the hell?! How could you even ask me to do this?"

"Because you're my girlfriend?" Rembrandt said, as if Ajax needed reminding. "And I'm asking you to have my back on this?"

"I can't. I can't do this, come on, Rem. I can't."

"Fine. Fine, whatever, if you want to blow this way out of proportion," Rembrandt muttered, grabbing her jacket.

"Wait- Wait, where are you going?"

"Out. Don't follow me." And Rembrandt was gone.

Ajax thought she would come back that night. She waited up on the couch, not even crossing the four feet of their studio to the bed. She just waited.

But Rembrandt didn't come back that night. Or the next morning. And now here Ajax was, sitting on the armchair next to the window in Cleon's apartment, hating everything. She should have realized where Rembrandt was going. She should have followed her. She should have just gone with her in the first place, sucked it up, bitten her tongue, and played the guard dog.

The phone rang about two hours after Cleon hung it up.

Ajax waited with her heart in her throat.

"Rem's fine," Cleon said as soon as she walked back into the living room. "Headed home now, Silas sent one of his soldiers with her, 'cause things got a little heated with one of her brothers - running with the Rogues now, apparently. She's fine, though."

"Oh, thank God," Cochise sighed.

Cowgirl shook her head. "Girl'll be the damn death of us. How you holding up over there, Ajax?"

"I'm going home," was all Ajax muttered before she tore out of the apartment.

Of course Rembrandt was fine. What did Ajax think was going to happen? That her dad would backhand her into the kitchen cupboard? Or one of her brothers would lock her in the building utility closet? Rembrandt didn't live there anymore, she wasn't a kid, she could take care of herself. Didn't even need Ajax after all.

Ajax shoved open the apartment door and made quick work of stripping out of her clothes and into flannel pajama pants and a white tank top. Who cared if it wasn't even eight o'clock? Ajax just wanted to sleep.

And if Ajax found herself on the side pressed up against the red brick wall on a pillow that smelled distinctly like Rembrandt's shampoo, hair product, and just a tiny bit of spray paint? That was no one's business.

Time passed and Ajax laid there, eyes closed, ignoring the tornado of thoughts, trying to force herself to sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. But it evaded her. Annoyingly.

Then, the apartment door opened. Ajax kept her eyes closed, but she couldn't help tensing up. She heard boots hitting the floor. Keys being set on the table next to the door. Drawers opened and clothes rustled against each other, plopped into the laundry basket they kept in a corner. Cold air hit Ajax, made her shiver slightly, as Rembrandt lifted a corner of the blanket before sliding into bed, curling herself against Ajax, her forehead resting just above where Ajax's shoulder blades met and an arm around Ajax's waist.

"Cleon's mad at me," Rembrandt said, casually. She slipped her hand under Ajax's tank top, her thumb running gently back and forth over Ajax's stomach. "Said it was dumb to go into another gang's territory alone, especially without letting her know."

Ajax didn't say anything.

But Rembrandt continued. "And she said that it wasn't right that I didn't respect the fact that you didn't want to go."

"Cleon needs to mind her own fucking business," Ajax muttered.

"She's right," Rembrandt said, causing Ajax to tense more. Rembrandt pressed a gently kiss to the back of Ajax's neck. "I'm sorry. I was being selfish and I didn't-" Rembrandt cut herself off with a heavy sigh.

"I was so focused on the fact that I've gotten older and stronger and I wanted them to see that," Rembrandt continued after a minute. "I wanted them to realize that I'm not the little girl they used to whale on all the time and I wanted them to see the women we've both become. I've been scared of them for so long, it felt like the opportunity to change that, y'know? I haven't been back since we left and...it never occurred to me that me not wanting to go back might not be the reason you haven't gone back, either."

"They almost killed you." Ajax's voice sounded hollow. Like it didn't even belong to her when she spoke.

Rembrandt was quiet for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"At the end. When you were seventeen." Ajax felt like she was watching herself speak. "When I was eighteen. I found you on the roof, sitting on the ledge, and I screamed at you to get down. You wouldn't even look at me."

"I don't-"

"You didn't even seem to know I was there. I managed to pull you down myself, but you just- you weren't there. I hid you in my bedroom while I went to get your shit and that was when we ran." Dully, Ajax noted that the pillow was getting damp and she was finding it more difficult to speak.

"I'd only been talking with Cleon about a week at that point, but she- You know. It's Cleon, it worked out. But you didn't talk to anyone for two weeks. You just sat in our room like a fucking statue, barely eating or drinking anything. Then, one day, I came back from a job and your chatting up a storm with Cochise and- I hadn't lost you. Somehow I hadn't lost you, but I almost did, and the thought of going back there- I'm not strong enough to protect you from that. I couldn't protect you from that. The best I could do was help you run."

When she finished speaking, the arm around her waist tightened and Ajax allowed Rembrandt to turn her over onto her back. Rembrandt positioned herself over Ajax, balanced on her forearms, curls brushing the sides of Ajax's face.

"You did protect me," Rembrandt said, firm and heartbroken at the same time. "You saved me, you- you did so well, Ajax. You're perfect, you're more than perfect. Fuck, fuck, I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry-"

"You have nothing to apolo-" Rembrandt's hand covered Ajax's mouth.

"Stop talking, I fucked up," Rembrandt said. "I fucked up so bad. You are the most perfect, most beautiful, most amazing girlfriend in the world and you always, always put me above everything and the one time you tried to tell me you couldn't do something, I didn't listen. You're allowed to have limits. Got it?"

Ajax stared at her from above her hand.

"Oh, whoops, sorry." Rembrandt moved her hand to the side. She laid down, chin resting on Ajax's chest while her hand went to cradle the side of Ajax's face, thumb running along Ajax's cheekbone. It was second nature for Ajax to lean in to the motion. "I'm sorry for not listening to you."

"Thanks," Ajax felt wrecked. Then, something caught her eye and Ajax lifted a hand and pushed hair off from Rembrandt's forehead, revealing a small scrape. She narrowed her eyes. "What's this?"

"Mm. Yeah. Dear old Cropsy." Ajax recognized that name, Rembrandt's brother that was three years older. "Running with a new gang out of Hell's Kitchen. They call themselves the Rogues."

"Silas mentioned."

"They're nothing if they're recruiting Cropsy," Rembrandt snorted. Then, she grabbed Ajax's hand, letting the hair fall back in front of her face. "I'm fine. I'm the idiot who decided to go back to Queens."

"You aren't an idiot."

Rembrandt kissed the hand she held. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

[mysadblacksoul]

Backslide - 3/13 of the Clancy album

Grab a coffee and let's start this madness

MV

Tyler is wearing the same clothes that he wore in Overcompensate MV to I would assume that this MV takes place right after

Let's break down the signs first

We see the return of Ned Bayou as well as FPA, now standing for Food Petrol Etc.

You can buy 9 buns for $21, love the symbolism

There is a Jim sign omg. Baby is having his own bubblegum business

Of course the Bishops sign with 9 lines marked on it

I could've sworn that the black sign says "Dema Vapes", but looking closely I believe it's "Velma Vapes" lol

What is more, the cones (?) are yellow and I'm pretty sure that the fact that there are 5 of them is not an accident

They sold him bread that went bad lol. Nah for sure it's not the case since he gives the same bread to a child

But I believe that the scene and the lyrics are closely tied with Stressed Out

Now the next scene is interesting

I think that the bad weather is a simple metaphor for feelings of anxiety or fear

We can see that Tyler was contemplating then he was suddenly pulled from his thoughts

This is when the scene changes to normal, right? Exactly on the line It's over my head

Then we move to the scene with the kid

And I really believe that this little lad is personification of Ned

Like he has the same boba eyes lol

No but for real, this is parallel to Chlorine - kid is giving Tyler a cup just like Tyler gave to Ned. Yet he accepts it and drinks whatever is inside and Ned just shudders

Another interesting thing, that could make my point more valid is that the kid literally asks Is that a stain? You should change / Are you doin' good? / Did you solve all of your problems? like he knows Tyler very well and is in a way looking out for him

It's like he's keeping Ned by him - okat I'll stop

It might be a stretch, but the N kinda looks like a mirrored band symbol, do you also see it?

If 0.75c is equivalent to the cost of one bun than Tyler is being ripped off since he paid $21 for the pack instead of $6.75 lmao

Something is really wrong with those buns lmao

Then the mood changes again, but this time is even worse. Like his mental health is declining even more and even faster

The bread is wet, the day is ruined, thanks Mr. Joseph

You killed it Josh, love your creative mind

*funny music stops*

Now let's talk about the way how the MV is looping itself

I would say that it is a demonstration of the twisted circle that is life

Maybe it's a very basic analysis but I think of all the complicated lore-oriented MVs this one is uncomplicated

What is shown here is how our psyche can play tricks on us and how we can complicate a rather simple situation ourselves

If Tyler hadn't had dark thoughts then nothing would have happened to the bread, so he would have just gone and given it to Josh

This shows how our psyche itself can abolish the situation in which we find ourselves

Looping, on the other hand, shows that as long as we don't do anything about it ourselves, we will be stuck in this fishbowl (see what I did there?)

Maybe it's one big AD to check your mental health and a sign to try to get better

Lyrics!

Rat race, place to place, adding weight / Tendencies on repeat, innit? - rat race for sure happened in Dema, and repeat is literaly the loop, innit meand that Clancy is canonicaly British

Benefit from a shoe with no lace - shoe with no lace would make you fall back on the behaviour that you are running from

Take the seat with the crease in it - seat of someone who already tried to change their life, or even who had the same dreams and hopes for better future like Clancy

This could be parallel to When I leave, don’t save my seat/ I’ll be back when it’s all complete from Chlorine

I don't care, you control me / Leading me anywhere - well, all I should say is Dema don't control me and we all know the rest of the story

I don't wanna backslide to where I've started from - he doesn't wanna go back to his back habits as well as doesn't wanna go back to his life before he tried to escape

There's no chance I will shake this again - if he falls back one more time that will be the end of him. His psyche won't take it anymore and his plans will be buried

'Cause I feel the pull, water's over my head - this is parallel to Fall Away And I, I can feel the pull begin. But it also gives me the parallel to Holding On To You MV, the scene with the rope

Strength enough for one more time - like I said, this would be the last attempt to change everything

Reach my hand above the tide - it could indicate that his physical strength is also wearing out

I'll take anything you have / If you could throw me a line - again with the line. But it also can mean that he can endure anything now, he just needs a little helping hand

I should've loved you better - this line can be directed both to himself but also to the person who extends his hand to help. He might not have appreciated both parts before and now regrets it

Do you think that now's the time / You should let go? - This line is like both a request and an apology. As if he wants to say “I'm sorry I treated you badly before but please don't leave me when I need help”

Bad place, on a hundred-dollar bass - this line is also giving me Stressed Out. You can imagine the cheap bass being transported on the bicycle right?

Kinda wishin' that I never did "Saturday" - I think that he doesn't mean the MV irl lol, but the regret of taking part in Bishops' manipulation altogether

Is that a stain? You should change - a play with mentioning Saturday and the lirycs She said that I should change my clothes

Are you doin' good? / Did you solve all of your problems? - like I said before I believe that this is Ned looking out for Clancy, wishing him well

Thanks for asking, in a way, but / Accidentally uncovered a new one yesterday - safe to say that he is not doing better lol

What happened to what I brushed under the rug? - what happened to how well he used to be able to hide his problems and true feelings

I used to be the champion of a world you can't see / Now I'm drowning in logistics - if viewed as a fact that he created this world it now looks like he wants to regain all control over it. Logistics is to take care of the management of planning. And once again we see the mention of drowning

The bridge is acting as an externalization of his myhs and fears that even if he is outside the Dema, the Bishops will still have control over him

The entire song is about both regaining conrol over the world of Dema but also regaining control over himself, his psyche.

The main theme is about not going back to old habits.

The most important thing here is progress and pushing forward.

Because one wrong move can make all the work in vain and we will sink to the very bottom.

Safe to say that I liked it haha

[dramioneasks]

Novel Length Fics (> 200,000 words) (Part 8)

Title: Unsinkable Author: Gingersoup  Rating: T Genre(s): Romance, Drama, Angst Chapters: 38 Word Count: 250,812 Summary: After a fight gone wrong in the Department of Mysteries, sworn enemies Draco and Hermione are thrown into a mysterious pensive-like portal and come out the other side onto the RMS Titanic. In a race against time and without their wands, the unlikely duo will have to fight against the binds of their new identities as well as their animosity toward each other in order to survive.

Title: Anchor and Rose. Author: sixth_senses Rating: E Genre(s): Romance, Drama, Angst Chapters: 38 Word Count: 200,220 Summary: "Is it really a good idea to run away from war with the person you despise the most?"A hotel, A boathouse, Narcissa Malfoy's safe-house, and the world's most powerful wand left behind by Regulus Black. What else could Hermione add to the list to make her absolutely insane?Ah yes, Draco fucking Malfoy.ALSO AVAILABLE ON MY WATTPAD (sixth_senses)

Title: selfxconclusion Author: spicyxpisces Rating: E Genre(s): Romance, Drama, Angst Chapters: 40 Word Count: 424,687 Summary: One year after the death of her husband, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger is trying to navigate her way through her loss. While trying to discover who she is without her husband, her friends move through their own forms of grief within their relationships.

Title: The Stars Above Us Author: embersofapril Rating: M Genre(s): Romance, Fluff, Angst Chapters: 40 Word Count: 200,988 Summary: He remains silent at first, clearly unsure of what to say next. The temperature feels hot, he thinks, especially for the dungeon's standards. He feels as if he can see the air particles between them, perhaps even count how many separate them from one another.It feels odd for him to be alone with Granger in the potions lab after all this time.He catches the faint scent of strawberries and honey, reminding him to order the ingredients for his lesson on Amortentia for his NEWT classes next week.-A slow-burn, flashback-filled dramione fanfiction with a side of wolfstar.

Title: A Game of High Stakes Author: in_dreams Rating: E Genre(s): Romance, Angst Chapters: 51 Word Count: 263,110 Summary: In theory, the task is simple: kill Draco Malfoy. In practice, putting a curse through the Dark Lord's favoured lieutenant will take everything Hermione has―especially since he's trying to kill her, too. Even more so when the lines between them start to blur. Sometimes, the only way out is through.

Title: Who We Are Now Author: LiloLilyAnn Rating: E Genre(s): Romance, Angst Chapters: 60 Word Count: 398,717 Summary: She lived through the war, but did she actually survive it? She didn't recognize the girl who looked back at her in the mirror, sunken eyes and protruding ribs, covered in scars. This wasn’t Hermione Granger. She died alongside Lavender, Fred, Sirius, Remus... Her name wasn’t up on any walls in memoriam, but she felt like a casualty nonetheless.*****When Hermione can't seem to get past the trauma of the war and all that happened to her, she's convinced to get help for her mental health issues. Unfortunately, the Wizarding World has none... yet.

Title: Redemption/Atonement Author: LordoftheManor Rating: E Genre(s): Romance, Angst, Drama Chapters: 75 Word Count: 448,946 Summary: Draco Malfoy has had a crush on Granger for years. When Blaise tells him he's heard Granger has a crush on him--Draco decides to seize the opportunity. The only problem is, Granger wants to keep things quiet. Oh and he's a Death Eater working for Lord Voldemort. Hermione Granger has been secretly pining after Draco for years, telling no one. When he suddenly confronts her after class her world turns upside down. This is a 7th year fic as if Dumbledore hadn’t been killed and Voldemort hadn’t taken over the ministry yet. Draco redemption arc. This will cover books 6 & 7.Really just an excuse to write smut about a curly haired witch and her platinum haired beau. There will be dark themes, I’ll try not to stray too far from the books with that though. Explicit sexual content.

Title: A Dangerous Collection Author: Lia_Redrose Rating: E Genre(s): Romance Chapters: 34 Word Count: 208,277 Summary: Eight years after Voldemort's defeat, Draco Malfoy has left England for good. He has become a potioneer and works in a Potion Shop in Florence. He thinks he has done with the past, until one day a famous girl with messy curls and curious eyes storms inside and asks for a cure.The words and the newborn smile died as the woman turned to face him. Her mouth opened and her facial features became confused and astonished. “Malfoy?” There were surely some deities - three at least - that hated him and conjured for that to happen, because there was no other explanation to what was happening to him. It was a catastrophe. A catastrophe Draco couldn’t escape unless he bolted out of the shop to never come back again, which was something he couldn’t do. That’s why he cleared his throat and proceeded to greet his customer with a simple and clear “Granger.”

Title: Redemption Author: gnrkrystle  Rating: M Genre(s): Romance, Drama Chapters: 45 Word Count: 237,960 Summary: As an Unspeakable, Hermione has been tasked with a very complicated case. All the Marked Death Eaters in Azkaban are falling ill - Draco Malfoy and Theo Nott the worst among them. She has to find out why and cure them.

Title: Finding Hermione Author: ebookdragon Rating: M Genre(s): Romance, Drama Chapters: 51 Word Count: 217,753 Summary: Fifteen years after the end of the Second Wizarding War, former Hogwarts' students are sending their own children off to school for the first time. As the train leaves, Hermione makes a startling discovery about her husband and the secret life he's been living. Draco witnesses Hermione's world shatter and comes to her rescue, helping her pick up the pieces and find herself again.

Title: The Education of a Lady Author: thewanderers'wanderingdaughter  Rating: M Genre(s): Drama, Horror Chapters: 34 Word Count: 365,605 Summary: Fourth and final (for real this time) part in the His Little Bird series. The story of survival, betrayal, and tragedy. A monster took everything from her. Now she's expected to be a willing participant in the world he's built for them. They want her to become one of them. She only wants vengeance, and now that she has her power back, she can make that a reality.

Title: Snow Angel Author: SunflowersXx Rating: M Genre(s): Romance, Drama Chapters: 31 Word Count: 353,142 Summary: ‘To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves’- Federico Garcia Lorca. Hermione hated secrets, she hated the idea that their lives were already decided in the stars; but mostly, she hated that she had to break Draco Malfoy’s heart.Draco didn’t think he would ever know what love felt like, he didn’t think he would find it in the sun, in whiskey and in that one curl. He certainly didn’t think he would loose it just as he had it in his grasp.

Title: The Hardest of Hearts Author: WillowingScribe1709 Rating: M Genre(s): Romance, Humour Chapters: 34 Word Count: 219,508 Summary: Hermione, driven to become Minister of Magic, reluctantly joins a matchmaking agency, only to discover Draco Malfoy as her top match.Initially scoffing at the idea of marrying her old nemesis, Hermione is forced to reconsider when their paths intertwine, unraveling not just their past but also new layers of deceit. Among these Draco's connection to the Seven Devils, a group wrapped in secrecy and rumoured to have been founded by his father, Lucius.What starts out as a simple match of convenience soon blossoms into a profound connection that catches Hermione completely off guard. With a menacing new threat casting a shadow over their future, their growing bond becomes the crux upon which destiny hinges.---------“It’s not that simple,” he said, and his eyes flashed with something dark that curled around her airways and choked the breath out of her. “Even if we never consummate our marriage, I need to know that I can touch you in public without you flinching. That you can touch me in return without looking green in the face.”“Of course I can,” she said with more bravado than she felt.“Is that so?” Malfoy asked, more darkness swirling in his eyes. “Care to demonstrate?”

[sysmedsaresexist]

hey does acknowledging the existence of parts make symptoms worse? like if they have a different name or other stuff about them thats different from you as a part, or using we/us, or generally just talking about them as a different part. i see ppl on reddit complain abt 'fakers' and them talking abt parts as if different from themself being against treatment guidelines but whenever i talk about my parts this way w drs/nurses/etc no one gives a shit. how else am i supposed to talk about it

Posting all three asks together.

To the very first question, does acknowledging parts make symptoms worse, yes and no. I have to talk about both, because it depends.

Typically, when people first find out they're a system or start questioning having a CDD, symptoms DO get worse.

A lot of antis and reddit are going on old research (old research doesn't support them, bear with me). Before the age of the internet, most people had someone ELSE point out that they were a system before they saw it in themselves.

This has to do with how mental health was treated a couple decades ago (having problems was Bad™️, deny and hide symptoms, it's still true but it was much worse), and access to resources about symptoms being much, much harder to come by. Amnesia was harder to notice. These days, every time you log in, you can see what your alters were doing while you were gone. There's no denying or hiding it.

That said, take myself, for example. I'm in my mid 30s, and I've been in therapy since I was 4.

Around age 20, after a very serious event, my therapist and I started to discuss alters. Before this point, I had rarely heard them, as far I knew, they didn't have names or personalities. Many of my alters DIDN'T have names. They were little more than emotionally reactive concepts of bad coping methods-- "the angry one," "self harming one."

It wasn't until I worked with my therapist to gain some kind of communication that my system kind of... activated. Suddenly, all my symptoms seemed 100 times worse, I was noticing things more and more, the increased communication was terrifying, we fought and rejected each other. We became more real, gained traits, names, voices.

Typically, this kind of upset settles after a while, but it's normal for it to get worse.

This type of progression of symptoms is well documented, but it's no longer the norm.

Now, is it specifically acknowledging the alters or parts that cause issues?

Fuck no, and Treatment Guidelines don't say that acknowledging them as separate is a bad thing.

The treatment guidelines are very clear that you use the language and words that the client uses.

What the treatment guidelines advise against is encouraging the rejection or disownment of parts. An example is someone who's religious, and believes that their system is related to possession. The therapist is to refer to the alters in the same way the client does-- by name and "we/us", etc, without encouraging the idea that they're actually possessed by a demon.

This is more about system accountability than anything else. The point is to get the system to realize that they are all in this together, and that the actions of one have consequences for all, including the demon in question. There is no hell to return to, when the body goes to jail, so do you.

This is integration.

Learning to get along, compromise on needs and wants, working together, leaning on each other, learning about each other, until together you're an unstoppable power ranger mecha with useful skills spread throughout the system. Everyone has a part to play in success.

You can't do that if you don't acknowledge them and their differences.

Fuck reddit.

[undeadfvckgirl-base]

Important for anyone who was a part of Introject Island!

If you are just waking up this morning to find the server gone the admins have deleted the server after being called out about their behavior towards their mod team and shit talking members behind their back, many of you would not have seen these screenshots as it was deleted almost instantly I was one of the mods. If you dont recognize me I am Rubik and introject island was a horrible experience with the admin team. The server was fantastic and the regular members were awesome. I loved all my conversations with all the members even the ones where you didn't quite get it the first time. The admins however were very lacking in their ability to take care of situations and often didn't do anything at all. One day the admins went to meet up together and gave the mods admin roles thus giving us access to a channel for the two of them by accident where they openly shit talked their mod team and other members they thought we might disagree on shit talking and claimed they hated their mod team. As a mod who was told I was great and that they were so happy to have us on the team it broke my fucking heart to realize they didn't give a fuck about any of us. I loved being a mod and being included in the server but its gone now and its because the admins refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Me and some of the old members plan to remake a server to try and get everyone back if you know anyone from that server please direct them here about the server and wait for the new one to be up with the former mods and former members.

My dms are open for the invite to the replacement server

Below the cut is screenshots we have of the admins owner channel and my response to the whole thing.

Important Disclamer: This post is not a call out post and even if it was I do NOT condone harassment or hate twords these people. Leave them alone. I will not be responsible for your choices to go after people when a situation is over with and I wish to move on. This is for the people who lost their friends suddenly and unexpectedly this week and a way to reconnect and not lose everything. Not to hurt someone. But they have a right to know what caused this.

Small fact about this. Evie and Peonies are dating. They also lies to us and said they would accept purgatorys application. We are also not dating we are qpps which is something else entierly to us

Here is graveyard shit talking Cyn (amber) and not even bothering to call null a mod but a "new member" not incriminating but kinda just rude. Also venting in journals wasnt a rule stated until after this

This screenshot speaks for itself (context Cyn left randomly due to mental health problems and came back shortly after and this is what the OWNER had to say about it)

I hope this explains everything about the situation and id be happy to elaborate more

[fnaffancontentbutmostlyglamrocks]

This is primarily aimed at Security Breach fans in particular, not FNAF fans as a whole.

You all are so damn toxic sometimes.

Even worse is that people are just being mean to Monty fans right now

"Don’t get all angry because your favorite wasn't in the game," and I don't think they get that he’s the ONLY one not to be in the game.

I hate being a fan of Monty cause we had to deal with the Glamrock Bonnie fans harassing anything to do with Monty on Tiktok or Twitter. "MONTY KILLED BONNIE!"

FOR FUCK SAKES THIS SERIES HAS A LITERAL CHILD SERIAL KILLER WHO ABUSED HIS CHILDREN! WHY IS THE ANIMATRONIC ALLIGATOR WHO MIGHT. LET ME REPEAT THAT. MIGHT HAVE KILLED ANOTHER ANIMATRONIC MET WITH THE SAME ENERGY AS SAYING SOMEONE SIMPS FOR DAHMER?

Not only that, Monty fans have been playing each game hoping Steelwool will treat him better. Expand on his character a bit more. Instead his negative personality traits and "evilness" being played up more and more cause Steelwool and Scott saw some people hate him, and thought it wasn't enough.

In Ruin there's not one moment Cassie shows any concern for him. It's that Monty thing, it hurts to look at. Than they made him just the worst off of the trio, and fucking killed him.

Now even in a game he rightfully should appear in. He's the ONLY one cut.

Monty fans get the short end of the stick.

We are harrassed by fans

Our boy is treated worse and worse each game. Physically, mentally, and even in narrative.

Now, he’s just fucking gone with little fanfare.

Its like why are you obsessed?

Honestly, because Monty speaks to me. This is mostly head canon, but based on how he acts.

I used to have really bad anger issues in elemantary and middle school. Even worse, I had to deal with a mentally abusive teacher telling me I wouldn't amount to anything. I was bullied relentlessly because they knew that when I reacted with my outburst class would be delayed. I even lived in the same neighborhood as them so I couldn't escape. It got so bad I attempted suicide. What saved me was after so long of being harrased, after so long of people only judging me based on what they heard. Never defending me. Someone finaly went to the principal and told them to look at my bullies before I reacted. Suddenly, the bullying stopped. What's sad is, it's not like I didn't try. I went to the principal and guidance counselor every dat. In the end to them I was that punk kid who would snap at any moment. Not a person.

With Monty I see someone who was like me. With anger issues because he hates himself as much as he thinks everyone hates him. I wonder if in universe he's constantly reminded he's not Bonnie. He sees fans clamoring to see Freddy while ignoring him. People always bring up the Missing message and his Arcade game to judge him. Then seemingly forget about the message that states he will skip shows to be over Monty Golf. You know the same shows he apparently killed Bonnie to appear in. What I see is someone who needs to work on his anger issues and get better, but isn't evil. They're dealing with the fact that one day their anger got the better of them, and they did something they couldn't take back. Something that I think many people with mental health problems can relate too.

My anger issues didn't just get me bullied. I was an embarrassment to my parents. I hurt people I loved. I was violent. I didn't hurt anyone, but I threw books and flipped tables. I was in this loop of feeling like everyone hated me because of my anger issues, and that only made things worse and worse. Even now I have a hard time loving myself.

That's why Monty means so much to me. I saw someone who was like me. I saw someone with anger issues but was more than that if people gave them the chance.

All I wanted was to see Monty one last time before he was retired when the new band is announced.

I couldn't even get that.

Before you make fun of me, this is what a comfort character is. I'm sure there are fans who relate to Roxy’s insecurities. Who have an eating disorder and feel for Chica. Who felt lonely and wanted attention like Sun. Who lost a loved one like Freddy.

I just wanted people to understand why this is just more than "my favorite didn't make it" for some people

I really hope Steelwool sees how much people really love Monty and not only put him in HW2 fully. They also treat him better

[hysteriaww]

Hi ! It's going to sound weird but....

How do you think Kai would have influenced Luke's personality if Luke actually won during the merge ?

I know Kai was stronger, but let's say Luke wins.

He was already pretty strong since he was able to break Liv out of the spell she was trying to do. He was stronger than his sister. He would have won if they were to do the merge. I don't exactly remember how powerful he was but I suppose he was fairly quite good with magic.

And magical powers aside, he has quite a strong personality. He's fed up with the Mystic Falls gang bullshit. He was not even that scared of Kai. I mean, he knew his brother was a freaking threat, but he did not hesitate to go on his own and do the merge with Kai. Even when Kai didn't want to do it Luke was like "Hey bitch, you scared I could win ?"

I don't think Luke really thought he could win or maybe he did, anyway he just wanted it to end. He wanted to project his sisters.

So, with Kai's personality inside of him, what would he be like ? I think that guy would at least find a way to end that Gemini tradition crap about the merge, and the lives of the whole coven linked to the leader.

Apart from that I don't know.

That would not be as fun as seeing Kai struggle with new emotions 🤣 but I want to see Luke being even more badass you know.

Yup, really long question sorry not sorry. X)

This is a very interesting question! Tho I have wondered what Jo would be like if she merged w Kai & won, I've never wondered about Luke until now... I think it could be a very compelling arc for him & the gemini coven. Here's what I think would happen! (I wrote a whole ass mini-fanfic in my answer lmfao):

Fresh after the merge: Luke would initially act & feel almost exactly like same old Luke, except maybe he'd rightfully be a bit more grim, traumatized and world-weary after defeating Kai. Liv & Jo would be concerned but he'd tell them not to worry bc he just needs some time to recover & leading the coven rn is more important than his mental health anyway (aka the FIRST Red Flag). Liv & Jo would disagree but let it go for now to avoid stressing him out.

First few months as leader: I think Luke's first order of business would be to undo the damage Joshua did as a terrible coven leader. That might mean overturning fucked up coven laws, etc. but Joshua doesn't like this, so he gets his supporters in the coven to back him & veto Luke's changes. Meanwhile, Luke's own coven support is growing bc I do believe he'd be a MUCH better leader than Joshua, so old man's resentment grows more. Eventually, it reaches a point where Luke feels boxed in like he can't make any real GOOD change bc of Joshua's puppets & THAT is when... the whispers of Kai's voice begin to awaken in Luke's mind. Uh-oh...

Conflict resolution 101: The part of Luke that's in control tries to be diplomatic about getting rid of Joshua's supporters but it just. doesn't. work. The assholes are FLUENT in gemini bureaucracy bc they've been around longer so they outmaneuver Luke constantly. That's when Kai begins suggesting some... less diplomatic solutions, including the idea that Joshua's supporters wouldn't be such a problem if JOSHUA was gone. Luke spends a long time rejecting this & literally warring with himself, so Liv & Jo are like "dude are u ok" and in a moment of weakness he admits his idea about taking joshua out. They're shocked, but after a sec, they're like "wait this is the same man who tried to off his own kids more than once. Uk what? yes lets do it." And suddenly all 3 (ahem, 4) Parker kids are plotting to put dad in a magical coma (hmm does that sound familiar? I wonder which sibling's idea this was...) so he can't influence his supporters anymore. And the siblings succeed! Joshua's out! but it becomes their lil secret, hidden from the coven...

A Good Ol' Frame Job: Lo and behold, Joshua's supporters still stay loyal to the man in a coma instead of Luke! Liv & Jo are like "it's fine luke, dad isn't gonna wake up so eventually they'll have no choice but to listen to you" but KAI isn't convinced... and neither is Luke. Diplomacy didn't work, sleeping beauty-ing joshua didn't work, so now he needs to play dirty. He doesn't jump to violence or anything - he simply frames a few of them for crimes they didn't commit. Snakey, but simple. Only problem is... Luke can't recall if this idea was his own, or Kai's...... bc they're both equally likely to have thought of it. Kai's influence is growing... So when Jo & Liv come to him like "wow crazy how those supporters got revealed as criminals right? That worked out conveniently," Luke goes w the safest option & says "haaa yea what a coincidence! no idea how that happened" ......and now he's lying to his sisters (Big Red Flag #2)

Calm before the storm: Now that joshua's remaining supporters (who haven't been framed) are very few, Luke doesn't face much resistance anymore & he actually succeeds at reforming a lot of fucked up gemini practices & making positive change. Maybe he even succeeds at eliminating the merge altogether! Luke's flying high, believing he's a true protector of the geminis & the best leader and savior (which, to be fair, he rly is better than the shitty leaders before him)! Kai's influence here is very sneaky bc some of Luke's old sense of humor comes back to him, with some new hints of cockiness that weren't there before. Luke's golden boy charm & Kai's cockiness creates the perfect politician cocktail & liv and jo appreciate the good he's done for geminis but also lowkey resent the big-headed self-important persona he's growing.

But THEN there's trouble in paradise: joshua's leftover supporters find a piece of evidence that proves Luke framed the others & they threaten Luke w it, deducing that he also had smthg to do w Joshua's coma. They order him to step down but he can't do that. Not now, when he's finally *this* close to changing the coven for good! These pricks will wake joshua & bring the old laws back! No, he can't let that happen, he can't let it- ....Luke snaps. He blacks out, then wakes up in horror to realize he violently killed. them. all. He panics, calling Jo & Liv for help BUT to cover his ass, he lies & says he had to kill them bc they found out about "all 3 of them" cursing Joshua... while choosing not to mention how they also discovered his frame jobs. Liv & Jo are horrified yet they help him cover this up bc he's falsely led them to believe their asses are also on the line for cursing joshua... but then Jo notices some of them were killed in very "Kai" ways (bled to death from their spleens getting cut out, etc.) & Liv finds the piece of evidence they had that links Luke to the frame jobs...... the 2 of them realize Luke is not in control anymore.

The Climax: Liv & Jo confront Luke, asking him to step down but warning him that they'll MAKE him if he doesn't agree. He doesn't agree. A fight ensues & Luke is pretty OP despite the 2 v. 1. Luke gets *this* close to killing them (while Kai cheers him on), but then says SIKE and kills JOSHUA's comatose body instead, shocking everyone. Jo, Liv AND Kai are like "wha- why?!" & Luke the politician diabolically reveals that he can't bring himself to kill them - but he can frame them for Joshua's death & turn the coven against them.... OR he can frame the dead supporters for Joshua's death & save his sisters, IF Liv & Jo stay loyal to his cause. At this ultimatum, Jo & Liv finally give up, saying they'd rather get framed or killed than let him rule the coven like this. The Kai in Luke gets triggered by their abandonment bc he's a gOoD LEADER can't u SEE?! Kai's increased presence & Luke's increased lack of control make his SIPHONING manifest for the first time & he unintentionally starts siphoning the sisters. And Luke gets triggered by them trying to overthrow him bc he's the OnLy one who can PROTECT the coven!! Just like he protected Jo & Liv from Kai!! At this point the sisters' resentment RLY comes out like "WE DIDNT ASK YOU TO!! YOU chose to merge to protect us WITHOUT ASKING what WE wanted!! U literally knocked out Jo when she was ABOUT to merge! You protected us bc that's what U wanted, not US. And now the coven doesn't need to be protected BY you anymore, it needs to be protected FROM you!!" Like a bucket of ice water, Luke realizes he's siphoning his sisters rn. He has become Kai. They're right. He is not in control anymore. He steps away & realizes the whole coven itself is broken. The best way to save it is to take the ruling family nonsense out of it & free everyone. He agrees to step down & Jo & Liv help him break the coven link altogether and they free the coven! For a moment, it seems like Kai is going to stop them, but then even the Kai in his mind realizes the coven fucked him over his whole life & he'd much rather see it gone. So all 4 kids unite in Sibling Solidarity and liberate the coven!

Epilogue: Luke gets therapy & that means Kai begrudgingly gets it too bc he's stuck in luke's head. They both start healing & finding a medium ground of how to share space in luke's head. Kai even uses Luke to apologize to Liv & Jo for his own crimes. I'd like to think he'd even get Luke to go to Bonnie and apologize on his behalf & maybe help her out whenever he can, tho i don't think it would be sexual, bc in canon the merge didn't change kai's sexuality so i doubt it would change luke's. But yea I think bonnie would still at least have a new ally in luke thanks to the Kai in him xD

THE END lol I hope my impromptu mini-fanfic here answered your question ahaahaha thank you for asking!!!