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#suck it judge
whatevsman16 · 2 years
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God Bless this rubbery twit
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reaping-the-benefits · 3 months
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Oh, to be Price's little housewife, without a care in the world. He'd pay the bills and treat you so nicely. And all you'd have to do is cook him dinner, tell him you love him, and ride his dick.
It really would be such a good set up though. 😭 like you wouldn't have to worry about a thing. You really wouldn't need a job (unless you want one, then go for it, babes! He'd support you through university.) This man doesn't spend money on himself, but on you? Oh, babe, you don't even need to ask.
You want that designer purse? Swipe his card.
You want new nails? Swipe his card.
Expensive lipstick? SWIPE HIS CARD.
All that he asks for in return is watch your freshly new manicured hands wrap around his dick, while you sit on your knees. Leave a lipstick stain on the base of his cock when you blow him. Thank him for spoiling you, love.
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oh right, technically i sell t-shirts
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i forgot about that
#holidays are coming up and it would make a terrible gift#that's the main selling point#anyways these exist and can be exchanged for legal tender#the cost is the listed price + the emotional expense of knowing that i am judging u#bc i am. i am judging u#why would u want this. why would u exchange currency for this#there are so many other things you could exchnage currency for instead#a grocery store shrimp platter for instance#with the nauseatingly red cocktail sauce that is SO much better than a t shirt any time#hmm chicken picatta at a local Italian Eatery perchance? i am. a big fan of anything picatta#oh oh i know! 3.6 POUNDS OF FRESH OKRA#FOR THE COST OF THIS FRIVOLOUS T SHIRT U COULD INSTEAD PURCHASE 3.6 POUNDS OF FRESH DELICIOUS OKRA#and then --hold on i have a recipe--and then what u do is#so it is basically sacrilege to suggest this but what u do is u skip the cornmeal entirely#my southern ancestors are shaking a wooden spoon at me right now but LISTEN. u skip. the gotdang. cornmeal#instead: wash chop and soak (for 10 min) the okra in a mixture of 1 egg to tblsp water#then coat in flour#THATS IT JUST FLOUR#No cornmeal. i am betraying my heritage rn but I'm RIGHT#coat in flour sprinkle liberally in S&P and FRY that suck in veg oil high heat#until crispy & brown & u hear your arteries clenching in apprehension#so. so yeah#that's what u should do instead of buying this shirt go fry the shit out of some okra#(but buy local and young & tender if u can bc the grocery store is full of old-and-therefore-super-stiff specimens#pro tip (aka grandma tip): if u can't chop okra smoothly with your normal cutting knife then it's too old and tough.#...i mean u probably CAN still fry the shit out of it I've certainly done that before it's just much less delicious#ANYWAY. anyway ANYWAY. shirt. okra. farmers market. that reminds me of a post i made back when we first started selling these dang shorts#shirts. shorts shorts. oh shit i should make a crop top option.#i. i don't Know How to make a crop top option#HUH . . . i need to lie down now and contemplate the constant and irreconcilable limitations of the human experience good night
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heynhay · 9 months
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merry Christmas klancers 🎅
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noahl-art · 4 months
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Mushy May - Day 10 :Quiet Nights
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It is as quiet as it can get when Mountain wants to read at night and Swiss isn't ready at all to go to bed🎵 Swiss is singing "The Book of Love" by The Magnetic Fields, which I absolutely adore 🥹❤️
Thanks @forlorn-crows for putting together Mushy May!! 📖
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applestruda · 1 year
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Im a little obsessed with hunter joel
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pterodach · 7 days
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How much do you want them traumatized? Yes
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ourhouseishaunted · 1 year
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Vash and Chronica's terrible sibling game night
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flamingpudding · 10 months
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Thinking about writing a dpxdc batpham Christmas Story...
...but cause I am a self-conscious B with self-esteem problems when i overthink to much, I am going to let you guys judge, or if you want, use the bare base idea for yourself 🙃
This is the bare base idea:
Bruce reads a newspaper while dodging Dick and Cass, who are attempting to put a Christmas hat on him. Duke and Steph cheered on a candy cane battle happening between Tim and Damian, with Damian's just so happend to be sharpened. Thus, it's more like how long can Tim avoid getting stabbed battle. Jason and Alfred cook in the kitchen, which causes Alfred not to realize the fight happening in the dining room. And Danny watching them all narrowed eyed and poking the turkey with a long metal stick as if it would come alive and fight him any second. Before turning to them when he sees it 'twitch' and declaring he is disowning them all until after Christmas. The Bat family just stared at Danny as he left for a moment very perplexed and confused like deers in headlines.
Now the batfam is making it their mission to help him endure Christmas and Tim might let Danny in on a secret just so he no longer will be hung up on the Santa is real or not argument his parents used to have.
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castielsprostate · 3 months
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us-ians try not to fuck up this election and vote blue challenge (impossible) (they don't care about anyone but themselves) (they're unable to see the devastating consequences if that orange buffoon is re-elected) (they don't understand how their own government works) (voting blue is literally the only option you have if you want to survive past 2030. like there is literally no other fucking option. if you do not vote blue this year, so much blood will be on your hands you can't even imagine it i don't think) (us-ians are too shortsighted to see what will happen to the rest of the fucking world if their little orange dictator gets reelected and they. don't. care.)
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the loneliness and sadness that creeps into you in a way that only growing up queer can cause. your parents can accept you and still make you feel like an outsider. your parents can love you and still reject parts of you. that old-fashioned kind of love where they think trying to mold you, make you tough, is better for you. or that quiet status quo where you just don't talk. and where everyone is accepted, though some are more than others. generations and generations it's just been easier to let it slide. to let it be. not cause a fuss. but then we sit there with a knot in our chests all our lives wondering how it got there
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lil-gingerbread-queen · 11 months
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So, I cannot show support to Palestine at my university (flyers for protest, the colors and the flag, you get it...) because it's "encouraging violence and antisemitism" but when my university was tagged with antisemitic symbols, they did NOTHING. When the students union was targeted with threat of violence and their office was destroyed, covered with neo-nazis symbols, they did NOTHING.
The Neo-Nazis student association (which has been multiple times reported for their hate-crimes) were distributing flyers at the entrance yesterday WITHOUT ANY ISSUES, because they support Israel.
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y-rhywbeth2 · 9 months
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Lore: The Bhaalspawn
Link: Disclaimer regarding D&D "canon" & Index [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess and it's borderline impossible to cover everything. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest]
I decided to compile all of the information I could find/remember on the Children of Bhaal in one place; drawing on the original games, BG3, WotC "canon", and a magazine article written by the writers of the original games meant for playing Bhaalspawn in pen and paper games. There's a surprisingly large amount of information.
Also prodding a bit at the distinction between a Bhaalspawn, as in a quasi-deity, and their tiefling descendants, who are also called by that name.
As with all D&D lore, sources may conflict, but nevertheless, here it is.
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There are technically two variants of being that can be referred to as bhaalspawn (three, if we count the Dark Urge as something separate).
The term "Bhaalspawn" is usually applied to a Child of Bhaal, a quasi-deity who has the Lord of Murder for a father. Most are Demigods, born of a mortal parent, although Bhaal has seemingly also produced at least one Titan, who has no mortal lineage at all (hi, Durge). With the exception of that last one, they were all sired before his death during the Time of Troubles. Many, if not most, had Bhaal's priests as their mortal parent - willingly conceived as part of the greater plan to resurrect their god.
As is the norm for half-planar-half-mortals, the offspring of a Child of Bhaal will be of the planetouched (tieflings, aasmiar, genasi). As Bhaal is an evil-aligned god, his grandchildren and descendants are specifically tieflings (or some humanoid equivalent, if they have children with non-humans).
Each Child carries the divine essence of their father, woven into their very being (the god himself specifically derides them as having "borrowed" existences). This divine essence wasn't distributed evenly, and some carried more of Bhaal's taint than others. Some were aware of his influence acting on them from birth, and others never knew what they were until their more powerful and ambitious siblings came knocking to tear their essence out of them.
Being so tied to Bhaal, the souls of his children are inherently tied to him and the Throne of Blood - when they die their essence returns to him and takes their souls with it. A Bhaalspawn can worship another god and receive spells as a divine spellcaster if that deity accepts them, but there is no other afterlife waiting for them except for their father's domain. Specifically, this is the Throne of Blood, a section of Banehold (Bane's domain) which should be on the first layer (Khalas) of the plane of Gehenna (also known as "The Bleak Eternity of Gehenna"). Every single game has placed the Throne of Blood on a different Lower Plane (the Hells, the Abyss, the Grey Wastes), but none have used the one actually given in the tabletop canon, for some reason. Mount Khalas is an active volcano, hundreds of thousands of miles high with slopes of at 45° at their very flattest. The slope is generally more like a sheer cliff face, and falling may "completely shred" the would-be climber. The mountain floats in an infinite void by the border of the Nine Hells. The ground is full of bottomless black chasms and magma flows fed by "waterfalls" of the stuff, and the ground glows crimson from the heat of the molten rock. The air is clogged with pyroclastic ash and it's impossible to see further than a dozen feet in any direction. It also features the River Styx, a river polluted by all the filth and evil of existence that flows through all the Lower Planes. The next layer of Gehenna, Mount Chamada, is visible overhead, glowing faintly, "burning like a small, bloody moon." The spirits of the dead who are sentenced to this plane are those who were consumed by greed and a ruthless and insatiable lust for power in life; in death they are selfishness embodied. The domains of the deities who reside there are carved into ledges on the slopes. Banehold - also known as the Barrens of Doom and Despair - is "an inhospitable locale, filled with vast deserts of black sand and huge plains of dark granite." The sky is blood red and sunless. The only source of water on the plane is the Styx.
Some Bhaalspawn feel the pull of their father's domain so strongly that their soul can be pulled into Gehenna before they die. Should these individuals become sickened or injured enough they will fall into a coma as their connection to life weakens and their soul is dragged into their father's realm in the Lower Planes. It will return to their body once they're healed and that the pull of life is strong enough.
Some Bhaalspawn have reported the ability to "feel" deaths occurring around them, which is also said to be a pleasant experience that calls to them.
Due to their inherently divine nature, every one of them has the latent capacity for sorcery, though not all will manifest it.
It was originally claimed that all the Children perished in the Bhaalspawn crisis, however a small ttrpg supplement published by the writers in a magazine article (meant for playing Bhaalspawn as tabletop characters) claimed that while many died, including all the most powerful of their kind, many "weaker" Bhaalspawn survived the crisis.
There is conflicting information about the free will of these survivors following the foiling of Bhaal's first resurrection. As per the original game's canon, Bhaal's command over them is gone once broken, and these Children were free to act out their lives as they saw fit - bar stuff like the occasional nightmare and inherent urge to go on a killing spree. The power in their blood is their own to repurpose.
Baldur's Gate 2 presented the possibility of a Bhaalspawn being totally cleansed of their father's taint and rendered fully mortal and free of all divine meddling. 5e has retconned this in both tabletop supplements and BG3 canon, and posits that while one of the Children can (seemingly) be unchained from most of Bhaal's control, his divinity is an inherent part of them and they may still become pawns in his designs.
Judging by the first two games it seems that a Bhaalspawn's ability to resist their father's control is related to their own willpower and how tied to death and negativity they are. Being sheltered from death and suffering allows themselves to distance themselves from him, while exposure and harbouring feelings of hatred will destroy the barriers and push them closer.
One of the things Bhaal may try to push his children into doing is interfering with the plans of Cyric, who originally killed him during the Time of Troubles and temporarily usurped him as god of murder.
Bhaalspawn grow in power with age and experience. While signs can start early, by the end of their adolescence they will all have begun manifesting various abilities and signs. What defines "growing in power" is rather nebulous - in game mechanics it's tied to character levels. Technically, a Bhaalspawn could manifest the ability to create supernatural darkness and turn into the Slayer at age 17 and, by the time she's 18, have manifested as much as eleven more powers (and a plethora of dark influences plaguing her to go with them, including an addiction to killing). Or she could go her entire existence never having more than those two traits, a nasty temper, and some horrific nightmares.
Quasi-deities are immortal - ageless and unable to die from natural causes. While theoretically, a Bhaalspawn might not manifest this trait, it would conflict with other established lore on half-deities (because D&D lore loves conflicting with itself). Bhaalspawn immortality tends to kick in at any point in adulthood, at which point their age freezes. They could be in their twenties - and is more likely to manifest at a younger age, but theoretically it could kick in when they're 87 or older.
A Child of Bhaal can usurp their father and take his godhood for themselves: They must prove themselves worthy of being Lord of Murder by deliberately orchestrating a thousand innocent deaths (the method can be anything). They must seek out a portion of their father's flesh. Remnants of Bhaal's slain avatars, such as the remains of the Raveger in the Moonshaes, or traces remaining in the Winding Water from the Time of Troubles are recommended. Bhaal's actual corpse would've been in the Astral Plane, pre-Sundering. What one is meant to do with this chunk of flesh is unspecified. And then one is meant to present themselves for judgement by the overgod Ao, who will decide if they deserve the job. This seems to involve some kind of epic quest in a very dangerous location to prove oneself.
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The term "bhaalspawn" also seems to be applied to the tiefling children and descendants of the true Children. Tieflings descended from Bhaal show no outward signs of their heritage the way most other tieflings do, appearing as regular members of their species under physical examination and lacking strange quirks - such as those seen on tieflings descended from the god Mask, who cast no reflections. That said, planetouched descended from deities are known to bear birthmarks in the shape of their divine ancestor's holy symbol, so that might be the exception. Like many of the non-Asmodeus tieflings, they bear the taint of the lower planes in their being, and from birth they often feel it pushing them to bend to their whims. In the case of bhaal-spawned tieflings, these urges would be murder ideation and an obsession with death. God-descended tieflings are no more inherently powerful than the regular kind descended from fiends like devils, demons and night hags.
As with all of the non-Asmodeus tieflings, after the first tiefling grandchild the blood tends to go dormant and hide itself for generations, until it suddenly manifests in a child born to an unsuspecting normal family who is unaware that the taint of the god of murder lurks in their bloodline.
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There are various abilities (and side-effects) a Bhaalspawn might manifest. Interestingly, while a Bhaalspawn can manifest the vast majority of them, they will never manifest all the possible powers available to their "family." Meanwhile, the most powerful of them will manifest all of the dark urges and traces of evil that threaten to consume their kind.
There are no rules given for their tiefling descendants. Tieflings have been known to manifest a variety of quirks and spell-like abilities, such as those that have been provided for the Children of Bhaal, it's not unthinkable that their heritage may cause them to manifest one or two of them. Going off of the tiefling creation chart from 2e, a tiefling will randomly manifest one advantage, and one drawback.
So a grandchild of Bhaal might have poisonous blood and be unable to control herself from going berserk from bloodlust in battle. One might heal at an unusually fast rate and give off an aura of death that causes strangers to respond to them like they're a monster. Another tiefling may be able to temporarily boost his strength to impressive levels, but be consumed by the urge to murder.
While only the most powerful manifest every trait, the signs of being a Bhaalspawn include:
The undead can sense a Bhaalspawn if they're within 60ft of each other - so clearly that they can pinpoint their exact location. Even protective magics that should hide them from the undead's senses won't keep them from being aware of their presence, it will only prevent them from being able to know exactly where they're standing. In BG2, a vampire named Phlydian describes it as being able to "smell the murder in [their] heart."
Being around the Children of Bhaal triggers the fight-or-flight instinct and makes others uneasy; they give off an unsettling aura that causes those nearby to subconsciously pick up on them as predatory, and Bhaalspawn have a harder time convincing others to like and trust them. Divination spells that reveal alignment and intention will detect them as evil, regardless of whether they truly are or not.
Bhaalspawn are harmed by holy weapons, and those who are particularly murderous can also be harmed by holy water.
Bhaalspawn blood is black and viscous, and the divine essence within it calls out to the lower planes. A bleeding Bhaalspawn leaves a "scent" that calls to all fiends of the Lower Planes, including devils and demons. Even if it doesn't have the texture and colour, the blood is poisonous. If their blood enters the bloodstream of another being it will immediately cause weakness and fatigue. If the blood is not purged, the individual will weaken into a coma and eventually die. Of course this won't affect beings immune to poison. According to Phlydian vampires find the divine blood of the Children of Bhaal irresistibly "sweet."
They experience chronic, horrific nightmares that are traumatic enough to impair the demigod's daily functioning. These visions can occasionally be resisted through willpower, but not staved off indefinitely.
Bhaalspawn always want to kill, and may lose control of themselves in physical conflict, trying to strike at everything within reach. They struggle to restrain themselves, and limiting attacks to non-lethal damage requires will saving throws. They are reckless in combat, paying attention to little except slaughtering their opponent/s - not even caring about their own safety, The urge to kill can be a fundamental need, If not met, thoughts of murder slowly overwhelms their willpower, thoughts and their awareness of their surroundings, until they're finally driven to kill somebody. This urge cannot be sated by anything except for the murder of a sapient being. (This is similar to the effects of some hungers that affect the undead, causing them to devolve into mindless, feral animals driven by hunger - it may look the same.)
They are possessed by a constant undercurrent of rage, and when humiliated or frustrated they must keep a grip on their anger or slip into a state of violent killing rage not unlike that shown by barbarians in combat - their strength and endurance is greatly strengthened as they attempt to attack the subject of their ire.
They may actually find their sense of free will is innately weaker than that of regular mortals.
They are drawn to the sight of the dying and the dead, and take involuntary pleasure in the sight.
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Bhaalspawn are also known to manifest various quirks and spell-like abilities (which they can cast as three times per hit dice/character levels a day. So a level 12 Bhaalspawn with "death knell" can cast it 36 times a day). Again; not every one of them manifests every ability, many will probably never have more than two, but powerful individuals may still manifest most of them.
They are able to boost their strength to impressive or even superhuman levels (depending on base strength) for anywhere between 1-20 minutes.
They are immune to all poisons and toxins.
They are resistant to being wounded, unless the wounds are caused by an object made of or plated in silver. Complete immunity to being harmed by unenchanted weapons is also a possibility for the most powerful individuals. (I've never been clear on what damage reduction looks like - I suppose either it's harder to break their skin, or else the wounds simply close up or at least heal up a bit automatically.)
They can cure moderate wounds like a divine spellcaster.
If they touch a dying creature they can drain the remaining life-force from them, killing them and temporarily strengthening themselves (as in physical strength and hit points, as well as boosting the power of their spells) Some may manifest the similar ability to drain the life force from a target by looking at them, stealing their vitality to heal themselves. The target doesn't need to be dying, and may be perfectly healthy
They are unaffected by any but the most extreme of temperatures, to the point where they're resistant to elemental damage of that kind (this could be cold or heat, or both). Some Bhaalspawn are also resistant to electricity and any magic cast on them.
They can strike mortal dread into nearby beings.
They can use divine energy to smite their foes - or they can maifest it as a 20ft area of darkness and tangible evil ("cold, cloying and greasy" to the senses) that damages non-evil beings within it.
They can create supernatural 15-20ft clouds of impenetrable blackness that extinguishes all sources of light, as per the darkness spell.
One Bhaalspawn manifested the (involuntary) ability to instinctually teleport to safety whenever he panicked - this is just speculation, but I would assume this works the same as the ability available to Bhaal's Deathstalker priests; they can teleport to the Throne of Blood in the Lower Planes, and from there teleport back into Toril at any location not protected by warding magic.
And, last but not least, Bhaalspawn are known to be able to transform into the Slayer when particularly favoured by their father. In one, exceptional, case a Bhaalspawn was known to manifest Bhaal's other avatar; the Ravager.
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stoutpancakes · 8 months
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Charles Smith is a munch and an enthusiastic one at that. I’m talking man could live and die between the thighs. Waking you up with his tongue or fingers. His fingers!!! They’re so long and thick, the perfect girth that you’re barely able to take three and he loves to watch the way your pussy lips spread open around his digits and clench around them. Now his tongue? Oh boy, Charles is a MASTER. Loves to tongue your hole or broaden it to lap at your clit. Will not stop until you’ve cum at least three times minimum… max? Well, there’s no telling on that. This man is such a giver, and what he gives most is worshipping your pussy like you’re an absolute goddess! Stan Charles Smith right now or else-
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calciumdreams · 9 months
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OH YOU’RE THE PERSON WHO MADE THAT ONE LOVELY DESIGN OF DREAM!! IT’S SO DREAMLIKE, IT’S THE MOST PERFECT THING I’VE EVER SEEN AHAHHGGAHAHHSGRGGGSGAGSGAFRRGRGRGRGEHEHHEHRHEGGSHAD I’m so normal about him I LOVE YOUR STYLE IT’S SO SOFT SO PAINTY SO PRETTYYYYY
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thanksss so much :"-D
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it took me a while to make a design that made sense with dream (...princely, but functional enough to fight in it jsjs), and simple enough that i could actually remember how to draw it :-8
in my mind everything about the apple twins is always related to children fairytale books, so dream had to look more like a prince. i also wanted him to look like he came from another time period (with the whole trapped in stone situation) but i kind of failed at that,,
at the very least he does look pretty similar to my design of him pre-apple incident, because if he doesn't look stuck in the past is it even dream anymore?
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lilyrizzy · 8 months
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keep me in the open by lilyrizzy | max/daniel | rated e | 11.7k
"Chrissy Baker sounds like a cunt,” Daniel says, then cringes at the pointed look his mum shoots him. “What? It’s not like they’re old enough to repeat that yet.”
Grace laughs, the sound audible now over Livia’s cries, which are quickly fading into miserable whimpers. Of course, she behaves for grandma, and not the dad who dotes on her endlessly, feeds her, cuddles her, and wipes her smelly ass.
“Three words, Daniel,” she says, eyebrows raised. “Cash, money, bitches.”
or, Daniel navigates bed times, bath times and jealousy, while Max races his last season in Formula One
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